#its midnight so these thoughts are definitely worsened by me being tired but like

[crustuu]

i feel like im manipulating people into liking me. being an incessant asshole "grinding out" socialization with people to "max our stats" like it's a fucking video game. and like i know im human, im a social animal. socialization is Normal and im just Making Friends. but my brain fucking hates me i guess, because when i do it its actually because i have evil motives and im selfish and dont deserve to talk to people. i have nothing to offer, everyone around me is so much better than i could ever be and im just a waste of time. a waste of energy. it feels like i could be dropped at a moments notice when people realize i dont add anything of value so i get scared at any perceived threat. even tho theres no threats, nobodys gonna drop me, im fine, and people genuinely care about me. but also it is so hard to fully believe that, and i dont even know why.

[quirklessidiot]

Title: voicemail [one-shot] Pairing: gn!reader x kuroo tetsuro (age up characters) Genre: angst with a fluffy ending

Synopsis: You say good morning, when it's midnight Going out of my head, alone in this bed I wake up to your sunset and it's driving me mad I miss you so bad. [this request kuroo + angst + ldr]

Warnings: some bad language but other than that none Notes: heavily inspired by simple plan’s jet lag ngh, hope you enjoy it anon. i def had fun writing this. Kuroo was my first love in haikyuu HAHHSHSS T-T

masterlist  

“Hey this is kuroo tetsurou, i’m currently busy right now, just leave a message after the beep.”

“Hey it’s me…”  you paused,  “How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while. Uh- Kenma visited me yesterday, he told me that you secured a new deal. I-I just wanted to congratulate you...and-well, i miss you. Call me when you’re not busy, alright? I-I love you.”

The apartment turns silent after you end the call, your head throbbing at the thought of your third unanswered voicemail. Were you being overbearing? Would he find you annoying? You shut your eyes tight, all this overthinking at this time of the day.

Maybe it would’ve been better to just pass the message on to Kenma.

You let out a loud groan as you dropped yourself on the bed.

Man, when people told you that long distance relationships would be hard, you laughed it off, saying that you and tetsu wouldn’t feel that way. You were both open and too much in love, trivial things like time zones and miles away wouldn’t break you two apart.

Yet right now, you weren’t so confident to say that out loud. It was easier at first, following a scheduled facetime at least twice a week at most and a short call when you both had time everyday. As months pass though, the little schedule you promised to keep up was dwindling.

When he called, you were busy or you were dead tired from work. When you called, he was either asleep too or busy scouting some people on volleyball leagues. The face times would just turn to very short conversations or a curt message.

Now this happened, its been a week since you haven’t heard from him and it was Kenma who had told you about his little victory at work.

What happened to weekly updates?

Were you just overthinking?

You furrowed your brows together as you turned to the abandoned cellular phone next to you, maybe this was nothing. Maybe he was just tired or maybe he was worried he’d disturb your sleeping time (he feels awfully bad when he does that), maybe he just told Kenma to tell you since he wasn’t good at figuring out the timezone things (after all, Kenma barely slept so he’d definitely be a good messenger)

Yeah, maybe that was the case.

Things returned to normal after that one week of no replies and it bothered you even more, why couldn’t he apologize? Did he not see the voicemails you sent? Did he not notice the nervousness in your tone when you sent that last message?

You feel your stomach clench as if you’re on a high up roller coaster about to go down.

God, why were you even overthinking? You sound like one of those girls that Kuroo and you would make fun of back then in high school.

A small ding resonates in the quiet apartment and you see a text from the man himself,

From: Tetsu Time: 09:00 pm Can’t facetime tonight :( Work has me by the neck.

To: Tetsu Time: 09:01 It’s fine :D Take care of yourself and just text me when you’re done. I love you.

You shut your phone off and ran your hands through your dry hair, moments later, you realize he doesn’t reply and the feeling of uneasiness does not waver.

It just worsens.

“Y/N, you alright there?” Kenma asks, it’s sunny today and you manage to drag Kenma out of his not-so little hideout. The man needed some sun, he was getting extra pale these days but these days, it seemed like it was actually you that needed this break.

You immediately snapped out of your thoughts when you hear the low voice of your friend, “Yeah,” You laugh, scratching your neck, “Just peachy.”

Kenma Kozume was many things, observant is one of them. It was easy to notice how distressed you looked yet he didn’t know exactly why. Was it work? Did you and Kuroo fought? Weird, his friend hadn’t said anything and he seemed pretty happy when he called to check up on him this morning at three am.

“Is something going on at work, Y/N?” 

“Yeah,” you try to mask your overthinking by something else, knowing Kenma he’d voice out your worries to Kuroo and right now that was the least thing you wanted, “Something at work.”

“Don’t overthink about it Y/N. I’m sure you’re doing a great job.”

‘Yeah.’ you thought bitterly, ‘Don’t overthink about it.’

The low sound of your laptop ringing resonates throughout the room as you do your own nails, you immediately shoot-up to see Kuroo’s name on the screen, you dive on the front of your laptop and click answer, his face immediately occupying the screen, “Kitten!” he exclaims.

Your worries are gone as soon as you hear that voice, yes, this was fine. He was alright. You were both alright.

“H-hey, baby.” You try to control your voice.

“You alright there?” his brows furrowed, “Am I disturbing your sleep again-”

“No!” You suddenly cry out, “N-No, it’s just...I haven’t seen you in so long, I guess.”

Kuroo’s gaze immediately softens, “Oh, Y/N...Baby, I’m so sorry…”

God, you wanted to touch him so bad. You want to lay next to him and wake up to his face like before, you wanted to be selfish right now and just cry and beg him to come home.

“No, It’s fine.” You suck it up, “It’s probably just the late night dramas I’ve been watching that’s got me missing you.”

His deep chuckle resonates in your quiet room and you start to feel alright until you hear someone call his name, “Oh shit.” He cursed, “I have to get back, Baby. Boss wants me, again.”

Your expression shifts to an uncharacteristic frown, “Right, bye. I-I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

The screen turns black once again and the bile on your throat begins to rise, the feeling of dread turning worse.

Who were you kidding, long distance relationships were shit.

You were feeling like shit.

You stare at the fish fillet in front of you, it's midday and your day off from work. If it were your usual day, you’d facetime your boyfriend while doing some paperwork but after that brief videocall. You became more withdrawn, your texts would become curt and you didn’t bother leaving messages on his voicemail anymore.

You didn’t have facetimes anymore too.

Yet you keep your phone next to you, hoping he’d still call and when he does, your can’t help it but your replies are starting to get dry. Sometimes forced even yet Kuroo doesn’t notice, he never does.

So when he finally calls again that time at lunch and is once again cut off by his workmates, you finally snap, “...Why are we still doing this?” your voice was rough and dry.

Kuroo is silent on the other line, the only thing that could be heard was his office mate calling him.

“Kitten, what do you mean? Are you okay?”

“Forget it.Just go.”

“Y/N?” His tone was serious now, all playfulness void, “I thought we were doing fine-”

“Thought.” You shakily cut him off, “You thought.”

“Y/N, you seriously -   look-   I don’t have time for this.”

That was the final straw, your tipping point. Those words were your Achilles heel.

“Then we should just break up, right?” 

The only thing that could be heard was the silence on his side and your fast heartbeat. Guess you got your answer and as much as you hated it, you could only handle so much.

“Hey this is Y/N, I’m out now and kinda busy so just leave a message after a beep, yeah?”

“It’s me.” Kuroo’s voice echoes through the walls, “Y/N baby, please pick up the phone. I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it that way. I was an ass. I should’ve kept our promise. Please call me when you get this”

A loud beep echoes throughout the room after his message is cut.

“It’s me again. I miss you and I’m sorry. I really am, I miss you so bad. Can we facetime? Same time as usual, I promise I won’t let work get in the way again. Please call me back when you receive this.”

A loud beep once again echoes through the quiet walls of your room.

“Y-Y/N.” Kuroo stammers,  “sweetheart, I-I asked Kenma to check on you. He brought a meal and well I know its a far fix from what I did but just eat well, yeah? He says you haven’t been looking well and I worry. I love you always, y-you know that right?”

Before the next message could play, you grab your phone and shut it off. A soft sigh escaping your lips. It had been two weeks since that breakup. You wouldn’t say you were doing well yet you wouldn’t say that the burden was lifted either.

You were just so confused at the moment, so withdrawn. The world seemingly void of color without your lover truly next to you anymore.

You slowly snuggle on his side of the bed, shutting your eyes. You might as well start moving your things when you wake up tomorrow, no sense in staying at your shared apartment.

You’re awoken by a familiar warmth caressing your hair. You flutter your eyes open, trying to adjust your vision to the room's dim light, the familiar figure of the man you missed and dearly loved sitting across you in a suit. His bags are thick as if he hadn’t slept in a while and his hair’s unkempt more than usual.

“I’m sorry.” the first thing he says.It's soft and warm like his touches, “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Y-You..” It slowly dawns upon you that this isn’t a dream, that he’s right here, “You’re here.”

“Sorry it took so long, Y/N.” He apologies once again, dipping his head down to give you a soft kiss on your forehead. You sit up and suddenly all the tears burst out as you throw yourself to him in a hug, “I was too busy getting my work done so I could be assigned in this division earlier I hadn’t-”

“You’re home.” You cry, cutting off his explanation, it didn’t matter anymore. He was home and he was going to stay, “You’re finally home.”

“Yeah.” He whispers, “I’m here. I’m home.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #337

“if i showed you my soul, would you cover your eyes?”

What's your favorite brand of chips? I like Lays best. Are you a good painter? My Painting teacher when I was in college last said I did wonderfully, but I definitely beg to differ. Before buying a car, do you usually test drive it? N/A Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud? No, but a teacher has. It was so fucking awkward; it was very pacifist, the topic being about war, and it had some depressing tones of death; there was just silence at the end of it, and I still don't know if it was shock or "what the fuck, she's messed up." There was this one guy that went, "Nobody is going to clap at that?", though, which I thought was pretty nice and reassuring. Do you like pineapple? Yeah, I do. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don't have a favorite author. Have you and your best friend ever liked the same person? No. Do you have any freckles? Not on my face (though oddly enough, I did as a kid?), but on random parts of my body. How many different languages can you say goodbye in? English, German, and then Spanish. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? I hate it. Have you ever been to Sea World? As a child, yes. I'd never go as an adult. Do you know someone who suffers from short-term memory loss? I don't know how this is actually diagnosed, but my memory is absolutely fucking nightmarish, almost exclusively in short-term situations. I can remember the most obscure events from my childhood, but not what I said to you five seconds prior. I'm rather sure my medications have made it worse over time. Have you ever read any of John Green's books? I got like, one chapter or less into The Fault in Our Stars before the book got replaced with the Wings of Fire series, so I never finished it. Are you a protective person? I'm an immensely protective person over those that matter to me. Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No, thankfully. I'm terrified of earthquakes. What's one thing that makes everything in life worthwhile? The fact that to our proven knowledge, this is the only one we'll ever experience. What type of waffles do you like? (Plain, blueberry etc..) I prefer plain, but I can eat chocolate chip ones as well as blueberry and strawberry. Have you ever seen the show Wife Swap? Yeah, I actually quite like it. Do you like chicken or beef better? Or do you not eat meat? Chicken, I think. I eat meat, but wish I didn't. What brand of dish soap do you use? Dawn, usually. Do any of your neighbors have dogs? Yes, and they never shut up. Do you believe in fortune tellers? They're money-driver bullshitters. Have you ever been to one? No, and judging by the fervor in the above question, I hope you can tell I never would do so and thus monetarily support them. Do you like regular or chocolate milk better? Chocolate, of course. But I love normal milk, too. Once again, wish I didn't, though. Forcing a cow to constantly reproduce to lactate is pretty fucking cruel. Growing up, did you listen to country music? I actually did. Do you normally wash your hands in warm or cold water? If it's just a quick wash, it's usually cold because our water takes quite a few moments to warm up. However, if I'm looking to thoroughly wash my hands, it's gotta be relatively hot. Do you believe in mediums? I see them in a worse light than I do fortune tellers, so... Like sure, manipulate grieving people for profit, sounds great. Have you ever been to one? Obviously not. Have you ever dated someone on the football team? No. Do you have a gazebo at your house? No. Do you like tomatoes? Solely when straight from a garden and on a bacon and mayonnaise sandwich. Otherwise I am noooot a fan. Are you a competitive person? Not very, but there's a tiny spark in me, really when it just comes to photography. I hate it. Google or Bing? Does literally anyone use Bing? What's your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia. Do you have any ceramic animals in your house or outside? Ummm I don't think so. Have you ever given someone flowers? Yes. What is something you might eat with a hamburger? Fries or mac and cheese. What is a sport that you’ve always wanted to play, but never got a chance to. None. What is a fruit that you might eat in the morning? A banana. Who might you send a selfie to? I don't send selfies to anyone. About how many pages is the longest book you’ve ever read? I THINK it surpassed 1,000? At least in the high hundreds. Who would you call first after getting engaged to tell them the news? Probably Mom. Around what time do you start feeling tired enough to go to sleep? Truth be told, it's usually arouund 7-8. I rarely make it to 9:00 nowadays. What trends do you refuse to give in to? I don't even know what's trendy right now. What subjects in history interest you most? As dark as it is, I find the Holocaust interesting to learn about. Are you superstitious in any way? No. How do you get rid of anxiety? What a relevant question, being in a partial hospitalization program right now. Coping skills that help me are doing deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, and a little jerk back to reality is splashing freezing cold water on my face. It also helps to talk it out with somebody, just get my feelings into words. Then if it's a true anxiety or panic attack, I have my "emergency" anxiety prescription. Are there any items of jewelry you never/rarely take off? My lip and tragus piercings never do, and I always wear two rings. Do you find yourself correcting people’s grammar often? Not really, no. It just seems rude and snobby to me, honestly, if it's not in an educational setting, like helping someone with an essay. Correcting someone in your average conversation is just... unnecessary, imo. Now if you're talking like in surveys and stuff, I definitely do in questions and such, but I don't point it out. Gummi worms: Yay or nay? Yay, love 'em. What do you do when you have ‘me time’? I only ever have "me" time, so what I always do... Do you lack common sense sometimes? I have a horrible lack of common sense, shit's embarrassing. Have you ever poured glue on your hand just to peel it off for fun? No. How do babies make you feel? "Nervous. They’re so damn breakable." <<<< Mood. Would you/Have you milked a cow? No, and I'm not interested. What really gives you the creeps? #!: seeing a baby move inside its mother's stomach. It will actually make me scream and/or cry because it just grosses me the fuck out. Whale sharks' mouths also creep me out big time. Do you ever eat leftover pizza cold? Yeah, I love cold pizza. When you're wanting a midnight snack, what do you normally get? We normally have cashew bars that I like if I'm really hungry. Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Obviously Pikachu. My niece loves Pikachu anyway, so she'd be ecstatic to see a real one. Or well, maybe I'd go for an Eevee. Not as dangerous with electricity and all but just as cute and small. Do you like marshmallows? Yeah. If you had the opportunity to live forever, would you take it? No. It would ruin so many factors of the temporary nature of life. Things would lose meaning, get old and boring, it'd be much easier to take advantage of things... There are many reasons why I have no desire to live forever. Hell, I even wonder if I want an afterlife for those same reasons. Did you ever really believe in Santa Claus? As a little kid, yeah. Do you like quesadillas? I like cheese, chicken, and shrimp ones. What's the greatest/most influential song you've ever heard? Ozzy's "Life Won't Wait." Do you prefer to pull off band-aids slowly or quickly? I tend to do it slowly. What was the last thing someone told you that had you at a loss for words? Uhhh I feel like Sara said something, but I don't remember what. What was the last health scare you had? Ugh... I'm kind of living in one now. As my legs have been worsening, I'm becoming increasingly concerned I'm eventually going to need a wheelchair for "walking" longer distances. And mind you, "long" for me is probably short for the average person. My knees do nothing but crack incessantly and burn when I use them, and they frequently feel like they're going to give way, and in a few rare instances, have. It's my own fucking fault for not sucking it up and exercising with my mom in the room, so I'd like to move on. What is your favorite filling for a piece of chocolate? Caramel. Do you enjoy the sound of birds chirping? I do. If applicable, what’s your favorite drug, and why? I don't do drugs, so. What was the last TV show you binge-watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender with Sara. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Definitely burgers. I don't like tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. What was the last job you applied for? Did you get the job? Deli worker, and yes. Do you use TikTok? No. What decorations do you have in your bathroom? None. Our bathroom is pretty small. Well, the one we use, anyway. The one attached to the master's bedroom isn't cleaned up yet, but we'll use it in case of emergency. What year was your favourite band formed? (Before people think I'm smart, no, I looked the dates up, haha.) Well Ozzy was Black Sabbath's vocalist, and the band formed in 1968, but Ozzy became a solo artist in 1979. What's your favourite fruit? Strawberries. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? I prefer psychological. Are you easily paranoid? Yeah. Do you have a favorite obsession? Meerkats and Mark are kinda tied, haha. Are you a workaholic? No. Have you ever given a tattoo before and would you like to? No and no; that would be an awful idea, given I have bad tremors in my hands. Have you ever seen the movie Labyrinth? I actually have not. Would you rather be called pretty or hot? Pretty. Have you ever gotten a serious injury at school? What happened? No. Have you ever performed in front of my large group of people? Yes; I was a dancer for many years. Have you ever fundraised? If so, what for? You know how Facebook recommends making fundraisers for a charity of your choice for your birthday? I've done that for the Trevor Project and two charities for ovarian and pancreatic cancers. Are you wearing earrings right now? Ugh, no, even though I want to be. The first holes in my ears are just too stretched for normal earrings because I wore heavy ones too often, and I just don't have nice earrings. I still want to get very small gauges to put in the stretched holes. Name a singer whose voice makes you swoon? Fall Out Boy's Patrick Stump can do that, holy shit. "America's Suitehearts" does it for me, man. Y'know, when his voice goes all deep. Do your pets follow you when you walk around the house? My cat Roman is quite literally my shadow. Where I go, he goes. What do you do online? I seem to only exist online, really, so I've got a lot on my plate to choose from, yet I'm still bored half the time, haha. I'm essentially always watching or listening to YouTube, I play World of Warcraft for varying amounts of time depending on the day, I scroll through deviantART, check KM periodically, do surveys obviously, "work" at the wikis I contribute to, wander around on Facebook... idk, that's all I really do at least semi-regularly online. Haha oh, wait, I also check Craigslist like... every day for tarantula and hognoses even though I can't currently get either. Let me dream. Do you have any scars on your face? I have a couple on my chin from when I fainted and busted it open. What countries were your grandparents born in? In the US. What was the most damaging relationship (romantic or not) that you’ve ever been a part of? Ultimately, with Jason, because of how it ended. The relationship itself wasn't at all damaging to me, but the breakup shook my entire fucking world. When in your life was your self-esteem at its lowest point? Self-esteem? Now. I'm very unhappy with my weight going back up, my body is just in poor health in general, I'm not employed, not in school... I just feel like a lowlife. Who was the last person you cut out of your life? Do you regret it? I want to say my sister's mother-in-law. Sure don't, considering she revealed her disgusting support for conversion therapy. I'm civil around her in person, but I kicked that woman off my Facebook so fucking quick when I saw that shit. Who is the most attractive person you know personally? That I know personally... I would say Alon, but I haven't seen even a picture of her in forever. Summer, though, shares selfies frequently, and by god is she gorgeous. I know a lot a lot of beautiful women, asldkjf;awe. It's funny that I'm blanking on men, at least involving people I still "know"/are somehow present in my life. Would you rather look older or younger than you are? I'm fine looking my age. Have you ever dated someone who was very vastly different from your “type”? No. What is the biggest project you’re currently working on? I suppose you can count an RP plot as a "project." I'm procrastinating so bad on it because it is going to be A LOT of writing. Is there a person from your past that you wonder about frequently? Who? Take a shot in the dark for me. Who knows you best, excluding romantic partners? My mother. What are your thoughts on human creation? I believe we evolved. How many people have you had sex with? One. Have you ever had a yard sale? Yeah. Have you ever been surfing? No.

[shar357]

It Had To Be You

So, until I get the AO3 invite, I guess I’ll post this here in honor of yesterday’s episode. NOTE: If you aren’t caught up on all of the current Hideout Raid Arc and the aftermath of it, don’t read because there are HEAVY SPOILERS for the next few episodes.

Train, past-midnight

Kirishima watched the scenery pass by as he left the destruction of Kamino Ward for the relative safety of Musutafu with his chin in his right hand and a quiet, sinking sadness in his heart. Right after Bakugou had grabbed his hand, he had been ecstatic - they had succeeded in rescuing his best bro. Bakugou was safe, grinning, physically fine, squeezing his hand and calling him an idiot... if Kirishima could’ve lived in the adrenaline of that moment forever, he would. 

However, moments pass, and now, watching the landscape pass, the cost of today’s battle hit him full force. Ragdoll was in critical condition, Best Jeanist might die, and Mt. Lady had been injured attempting to protect them. He’d let out a small sigh of relief when he saw Kamui Woods rescue the pro-heroes but it didn’t stop him from refreshing his news feed every few minutes for updates on their conditions. Still, while all of that was the source of his current anxiety, the source of his sadness was different. 

All of those people crushed by the floating villain boss in an instant and the feeling that the Age of the Symbol of Peace had just come to an end. There had been so much death and Kirishima gripped his shirt above his heart with his other hand as he remembered the visions on him dying with Iida, Todoroki, Yaoyorozu, and Midoriya. Tears threatened to fall as he realized that they had gotten insanely lucky... if they were standing on the other side of the warehouse, they would have all been crushed in an instant like the civilians. Adults resting after a long day at work, teenagers  secretly texting their friends in darkened bedrooms, kids peacefully dreaming of being pro-heroes... was this what pro-heroes thought about on their hard days? Was this the burden All Might had to bear constantly? All of those people they couldn’t reach, dead before they could scream. Remembering back to one of the few history lessons he’d payed attention to in middle school, he wondered if this was what it felt like to be in Hiroshima or Nagasaki during the atomic bomb blasts.  

“.... excuse me. Young man, excuse me. Your phone’s been ringing for the past five minutes.” Kirishima jumped suddenly in his seat and looked up to see a balding businessman smiling sympathetically and holding out a tissue. Touching his cheek, he realized he’d been crying. Whispering a thanks, he worked on drying his face and checked his phone to realize he had around 10 missed calls from a number he vaguely recognized. 

“Also, young man,” Kirishima looked up to businessman again, “I don’t know what you went through today.... I suppose we all went through a lot, especially All Might. Whatever happened, whatever’s going to happen... I’m glad you’re alive.” Before Kirishima could reply, the stranger walked away and got off the train and he noticed some bruises on his neck and the ash covering his suit. Realizing that he’d probably just talked to a civilian who had survived the Kamino Ward explosion, Kirishima’s mood lifted slightly as it dawned on him that there were probably other survivors. 

‘I’m glad you’re alive, too,’ Kirishima thought as he watched a man with a beard run up and tearfully embrace the businessman on the train platform. Just then, his phone rang from the same number and Kirishima finally picked up. 

“Oi, shitty hair, what the fuck is the point of having a phone if you’re not going to answer it?!” Kirishima’s cheeks heated with embarrassment upon hearing Bakugou growl at him and he started rubbing the back of his neck.  

“Oh, sorry bro, I spaced out and didn’t hear it ringing. What number are you calling from, anyways?”

“It’s my dad’s. The police are checking my phone to see if the villains hacked it and found out the training camp location that way.” 

“Attention, we’re now pulling into downtown Musutafu. The next stop will be Shizuoka.” Kirishima started to make his way to the train exit. 

“You’re still not home, shitty hair? It’s 3 AM!” 

“The trains got backed up with everyone trying to leave Yokohama. I’ll catch a bus and be home in around 20 minutes.” 

“Just... just fucking let me know you get home or something.” Bakugou hung up. It was only later, while Kirishima was laying in his bed failing to fall asleep after letting Bakugou know he was home, that he realized he had no idea why Bakugou called. 

Next Evening, 6 PM

Kirishima was drinking a protein shake and reading a police statement regarding the injured/dead pro-heroes and civilians when the doorbell rang. Groaning, he got up and shuffled over to answer, surprised to find Bakugou’s dad at the door. 

“Oh! Hello, Mr. Bakugou!”

“Hi, Kirishima. Would it be alright if I came inside?” 

“Of course! Please, come in!” Kiriishima hurried to the kitchen make some coffee for the older man.  

Upon returning to the living room and handing over the steaming, black drink, Kirishima noticed the dark bags under the older man’s eyes had worsened as he accepted the coffee with a tired smile. Kirishima had practically lived at Bakugou’s house over the past few days and had seen firsthand the toll Bakugou’s kidnapping had taken on his parents. Still, he had hoped Bakugou’s parents would be resting more easily now that their son was safely back home. 

“Kirishima, when did you get home last night?” 

“Umm... pretty late. Around 3:25 AM... why?” 

“I heard Katsuki talking around then and couldn’t find my phone. I figured it had to be you.”

Kirishima was struck with a sense of déjà vu, as he remembered Midoriya’s plan from last night ‘It has to be you, Kirishima... but why did all these people who had known Bakugou for his whole life think it had to be him?’ He quickly pulled himself out of his confused thoughts when he realized that he and Bakugou’s late night call might be the reason for Mr. Bakugou’s lack of sleep and sheepishly averted his gaze. 

“I’m sorry if that kept you up, Mr. Bakugou. Really, I didn’t mean... “ Mr. Bakugou held up his hand. 

“No, no, don’t worry about it. Actually, I’m glad he called you. He... he hasn’t talked at all after giving his statement to the police. Except for calling you.” Kirishima blushed, once again wondering...

“Can I ask why he called you?” 

‘Was Bakugou’s dad some kind of mind-reader?!’ “I’m not sure, actually. He didn’t say.”

“Well, what did he say?” 

“Ah, not much. He mentioned the police had his phone, asked why I wasn’t home yet, and...” ‘and he asked me to let him know when I got home... he was worried about me. He called because he was worried.’ Kirishima felt his blush deepen at the realization. He knew Bakugou cared, beneath the constant death threats and explosions, but it was hard to read how much and it wasn’t often that Bakugou expressed it so blatantly. 

Mr. Bakugou smiled softly. “He cares about you a lot, Kirishima, though knowing my son, he probably doesn’t show it nearly as much as he should.” ‘Seriously, this man definitely has a mind-reading quirk on top of all the explosive sweat!’ 

It was silent for a few moments before Kirishima realized he had yet to respond.  “That’s alright. I know he cares and I care about him, too. He’s my best friend.” 

“I think your stunt last night made that pretty obvious. How long did your mom ground you for, again?” Kirishima winced as he remembered his mom’s steely gaze at breakfast earlier that morning as she outlined exactly why, while acknowledging the manliness of being there for one’s bro, the whole idea had been extremely dangerous. ‘At least she called it manly.’

“Two months... nothing but school stuff, gym, and home.” Kirishima sighed thinking about how he wouldn’t be hanging out with any of his friends for a while... no impromptu Mario Kart races with Kaminari, snack runs to the corner deli with Ashido, movie nights with Sero, or eating dinner at Bakugou’s...

“Do you want to come over for dinner, tonight? Actually, do you want to to stay over for a couple of days? We already cleared it with your parents.” Kirishima was surprised. His mom rarely had reason to ground him, but when she did she never budged. Still, who was he to question good luck. 

“I’d love to. Thank you for having me, Mr. Bakugou. I’ll go pack a bag.” 

Bakugou Household, 7 PM

Kirishima walked in the door and was immediately squeezed half to death by Mrs. Bakugou. 

“Kirishima! It’s good to see you safe. You worried the crap out of your mom and I, kid.” Kirishima felt a pang of guilt and squeezed her back.

“I’m sorry I worried you, Mrs. Bakugou.”

“No, I should be sorry. We’ve all been so stressed the last few days and relied on you so much. But none of us asked how you were doing. Just... damn it, it turned out ok, so that’s that. Thank you for saving my dumbass son but don’t pull that shit again or I’ll kick your ass to Mars and back.” Mrs. Bakugou released Kirishima and pulled Mr. Bakugou with her into the living room, turning on the news. 

Kirishima walked to the kitchen and saw Bakugou frying some gyoza on the stovetop. Bakugou turned his head, red eyes meeting red. Kirishima felt a huge knot in his stomach slowly unwind and smiled honestly for the first time since saving Bakugou last night. 

“I’m going to go put my stuff in your room.” While walking back in the hallway he overheard the news broadcast.

“... Rumors have been circulating like wildfire that the battle in Yokohama last night was All Might’s last. All Might was present as part of the rescue mission to save Bakugou Katsuki, a student at UA high school who was kidnapped by the League of Villains during a training camp run by the school. UA has come under heavy criticism regarding its safety standards recently after numerous student encounters with villains over the past year...”

Kirishima’s smile faded as he walked upstairs, unwilling to listen anymore. He dropped his bag on the floor and dropped his body on the bed. Turning on his side, he stared at the singular All Might poster and Bakugou’s framed UA acceptance letter above the desk. He felt tears threaten to fall as he remembered his classmates begging them not to go, Aizawa sensei bowing at the press conference, and Iida asking if his feelings didn’t matter. He hadn’t heard anything yet about his punishment from the school, but he was honestly just hoping none of them got expelled, remembering that Todoroki, Midoriya, and Iida were on thin ice with Aizawa sensei ever since the Hosu City incident for whatever reason. Maybe even more painful than the thought of expulsion was the silence in the class group chat ever since they visited Midoriya in the hospital. There were no memes from Kaminari or music recommendations from Jirou. None of the casual banter that typically resulted in notification after notification. He’d be devastated if he got kicked out of the school he’d always dreamt of attending, but Kirishima was too dead set on becoming a hero to let that stop him. What he couldn’t handle, as he sniffled his nose a little, was feeling like he destroyed the class dynamic. He knew, technically, they were right... it was a dumb, risky idea and they all could have died. But, fixating on a picture of a young Bakugou Katsuki with his parents at a baseball game on the top of the dresser, he knew that he’d do the exact same thing, one hundred times over. That didn’t stop that sadness he felt as he wondered if Class 1-A hated him.

“They don’t hate your dumb ass.” Startled, Kirishima sat up and saw Bakugou staring intently at him with narrowed eyes and a scowl, leaning against the door jamb and holding a plate of gyoza and two sets of chopsticks. While Bakugou set the gyoza down on the bedside and sat down on the bed, Kirishima wondered once again, if a mind-reading quirk was present in the family. Bakugou scoffed, startling him again.

“Nobody has a mind-reading quirk. You keep mumbling your thoughts out loud, idiot. Don’t turn into fucking Deku, jeez.” Kirishima blushed. Blushing was becoming a habit. 

“ ‘Fucking Deku’ was pretty useful last night while we were rescuing you.”

“Again. Not a rescue. You morons were just the best escape route at the time.”

Kirishima rolled his eyes at Bakugou’s stubborn nature. “Fine, whatever you say. Why did you bring all that gyoza upstairs?”

“... just eat your damn dinner.” Kirishima wanted to prod further, but his stomach was rumbling so he did as he was told. After finishing the plate, they sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. Before Kirishima could say anything else, Bakugou decided to speak up. 

“I don’t want to talk to my fucking parents. That’s why.” Kirishima frowned upon hearing that. 

“They probably want to talk to you, though.”

“Yeah, shitty hair, I know. That’s fucking why they wanted you to come here.” Kirishima’s brow furrowed further trying to make the mental connection. 

“... seriously, do I have to spell it out for you? They think you’ll make me open up or some shit.” Kirishima snorted at the thought of anyone making Bakugou Katsuki do something he didn’t want to do. 

“Talk on your own time, man. I’m going to go get ready for bed.” 

Bakugou Household, 8:30 PM

By the time Kirishima got back, Bakugou was already laying down on his bed. Laying down next to him, Kirishima turned to stare at the All Might poster and his thoughts drifted back to thinking about whether or not All Might was really, honestly done. Kirishima supposed everything came to an end at some point, but for as long as he could remember, the Symbol of Peace had been the pillar of society. But if he was done... what would that mean? Would All Might keep working at UA if he did retire? Would Kirishima even be able to attend UA after last night? 

“Shitty hair, what did I say about all the mumbling?” Kirishima turned back around to see Bakugou’s bright eyes glaring at him and pouted.

“Sorry, dude, I didn’t know I was still doing it.” Bakugou rolled his eyes and flicked Kirishima on the forehead. 

“Thinking isn’t your strong suit. You’re dumb as rocks if you think UA is going to expel you.” Kirishima pouted more hearing that.

“It’s a pretty logical conclusion, actually.”

“No, it isn’t. If All Might’s really... done... then society needs heroes more than ever. They’re not going to expel you. Now would you fucking relax and go to sleep; you’re acting weird as crap.” 

“How am I being weird?! You’re the one who won’t even talk to your parents.”

“You’ve barely smiled since you got here, you look like you haven’t slept in days, you won’t stop mumbling and I came upstairs to find you lying on my bed and crying earlier. You’re being weird.” Kirishima started thinking about how weak Bakugou had to think he was if he saw all of that. Not like it wouldn’t be accurate assessment at the moment, though. 

Bakugou’s eyes managed to narrow further,“You’re not weak. You’re just worried about too much bullshit.” 

“I’m still mumbling then, huh?” Bakugou sighed. 

“You’re not mumbling, Kiri. You just always think that and I don’t fucking get it. You idiots had a dumb idea and you shouldn’t have done it, but it was manly as fuck that you went through with it.” Kirishima beamed hearing that.

“You really thought it was manly?” 

“And dumb. Don’t forget that part. You idiots all could’ve died.” Kirishima remembered the death visions, the destruction from yesterday, Best Jeanist’s wounds... suddenly Bakugou pulled him close and put Kirishima’s head onto his chest. 

“Stop shaking so much. I said you could’ve died. You didn’t die.”

“A lot of people died.” 

“Having a panic attack and refusing to sleep isn’t going to change that. Breathe, fucker. Then sleep.” It was silent for a few minutes while Kirishima counted his breaths and Bakugou ran his right hand through his red hair. 

“Hey... Bakugou?” Bakugou groaned. 

“Hnn... what is it now?”

“Thanks.” Now it was Bakugou’s turn to look confused.

“For what?”

“For staying alive, for fighting... just thanks.” Bakugou’s eyes darkened and he rubbed his throat with his left hand.

“That’s a stupid thing to thank me for. I shouldn’t have gotten fucking kidnapped in the first place.” Kirishima placed his left hand over Bakugou’s. 

“You know, you didn’t get kidnapped because you were weak. You’re not weak.”

“If I was stronger, I wouldn’t have been kidnapped. All Might could’ve fought at full power the entire time. Best Jeanist wouldn’t be on the brink of fucking death. All those civilians wouldn’t be dead. My parents wouldn’t look like they hadn’t slept in days. You wouldn’t be so damn sad.” Kirishima wiped a few angry tears from Bakugou’s cheeks.

“That’s not...”

“Yes, it fucking is true. All Might never would have gotten kidnapped.” Kirishima didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m the reason for this whole shitty mess so stop looking sad. This isn’t your fucking burden, Kiri.”

“Look... I don’t know what to say to get it through to you that you’re not weak. You’re the manliest dude I know. As far as me being sad, though, it was way worse the last few days when I didn’t know where you were or anything. I knew you’d fight whatever crap they tried to do to you and I was scared you were going to get hurt and I’d have to live the rest of my life knowing I was the useless idiot who did nothing while their best friend got kidnapped. I just missed you a lot and I’m really glad you’re back.” Bakugou mumbled something that Kirishima couldn’t quite hear. 

“What was that? Who is acting like Midoriya now, huh?” Bakugou stopped stroking his hair and immediately tried to explode his face. Kirishima was thankful for his quick reflexes with his hardening quirk. 

“Don’t compare me to Deku, shitty hair.” Kirishima pouted a bit at being demoted from ‘Kiri’ to ‘shitty hair’ again. “I said I missed you, too. Now go the fuck to sleep. We’re going over math all morning tomorrow.”

“What? Why? Do we have too?”

“You’re supposed to be grounded, Kiri. How the hell do you think I was able to convince your mom to let you come over?” Kirishima felt his blush return and started smiling, immediately causing Bakugou to blush in return. 

“... seriously, what is it now?”

“I know why it had to me.” 

“Huh? What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“Why it had to be me that reached out to you and why you called and everything... you don’t do anything you don’t want to do. It had to me because you wanted it to be me.” Everything stayed silent for a few moments.

“... where the fuck are you getting the idea that I wanted you there yesterday? I would have found a damn way to get out of there! You idiots were dumb but convenient. That’s it you....” Bakugou noticed Kirishima breathing had deepened and his eyes had closed.  

“... seriously, this idiot finally chooses to go to sleep now?” Bakugou let out an irritated huff, wrapped his arms around said idiot, pressed a kiss to his temple, and fell asleep. 

On the Other Side of Bakugou’s Bedroom Door

Bakugou’s mom let out a satisfied smirk  and went downstairs to call Kirishima’s mom.

“... yeah, the plan worked. Those two are finally getting some sleep. Did you get the notice about the boarding the kids? I figured we might be able to call in a favor regarding the room arrangements...”

And then Kirishima and Bakugou ended up as neighbors in the dorms and the rest of the story happened. Thanks for reading if you made it all the way down here.

[schreibfeather]

Dreams Of Today - Chapter 6

Summary: Number one: Malfoy was a git. Nothing new there. Number two: He was an arrogant, annoying, little ferret. Number three: He used every chance he got to humiliate her and – and… that wasn’t right. Last year… at the Yule Ball… he had been acting surprisingly nice toward her. To be fair, Malfoy had also spent a big part of that night annoying the hell out of her… but… he’d also been… really sweet.. Sequel to Songs of Yesterday. femHarry, HP/DM, Romance, Angst, Fluff , Slowburn

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | (link to masterlist)

6 – Midnight Confessions

(3rd week of September - Friday)

HALEY

She is evil. She is pure evil, Haley thought, after she had finally completed the last evening of detention on Friday night. Would the wound on her right hand ever completely heal again? Her skin was burning like crazy. And as if that wasn't enough, she was practically asleep on her feet. Her nights with Umbridge had forced her to try and finish all of her homework until late into the night. She didn't remember the last night she'd slept more than four hours.

With drooping eyes Haley trudged down the hall. Was that a bench to her right? She didn't know if she'd be able to make it all the way up to the tower. But after a little break… she'd surely be able to go on.

As soon as Haley had sunken to the bench, her eyes closed. Just a moment, she thought, just a little moment, just a little…

Haley blinked. Where was she? How late was it? Why was her hand so cold?

Wait. It wasn't only cold but also wet. She looked down at her hand in confusion. Her hand was floating inside a bowl that was filled with a thick, yellowish liquid. And most importantly… her skin had stopped burning! It had to be because of the liquid! Hermione must have come and brought it. She'd have to thank her.

"Thanks Hermi-" Haley started to say as she turned around to see if her friend was still around somewhere. But Hermione was nowhere to be found.

Instead she was faced with a boy in Slytherin green robes. Her dearest enemy was sitting on the bench beside her. She wasn't even surprised anymore.

"You again?" She asked in a quiet voice. She was way too tired to deal with him.

For a second, he simply looked at her, a calm expression on his face.

"Are you feeling better?" Malfoy asked just as quietly. Haley frowned.

"Your hand..." He clarified, with a gesture of his own hand.

Oh. Her hand… Her… hand? With all the force she could muster up Haley pulled her right hand out of the bowl it had been resting in.

"You did this?" She inquired in alarm. Had the liquid actually worsened her wound?

Malfoy reached around her to keep the bowl from spilling over.

"Careful," the boy admonished, "I spent hours brewing this!" He glared at her. His face was only inches away from hers. Then it was gone.

"I didn't poison it," he said, looking down at his hands, "anyway, your hand should definitely feel better now." He paused, frowning slightly, "It contains Murtlap tentacles. They are often used in healing potions. Not that you would know," He added the last sentence in a slightly mocking tone.

Haley clenched her teeth. How dare he insult her in such a situation? Well… it was true that potions wasn't her strongest subject but still…

"Just for the record, I did know that." She said defiantly, reaching for the bowl with her left hand and holding it up to her face for inspection.

"Like I thought," she declared in a thoughtful tone, "Murtlap Essence. Let me guess, you made this from strained and pickled Murtlap tentacles?" She didn't wait for an answer. The liquid indeed looked like the one Hermione had made for her the other day.

"Hm… I guess, I can use this then." In her mind she thanked Hermione for the small bits of knowledge she always shared with whoever was there to listen. Admittedly most of the time it was more than a tad annoying but at times such as now it proved very helpful.

Haley set the bowl down at her side again and carefully let her hand soak up the liquid.

She tried not to sigh at the soothing effect it had on her burning hand.

It was hard to ignore the smug grin on Malfoy's face. Arrogant git. Why was he even doing all this?

"Stop it!" She snapped, once she couldn't ignore his presence anymore.

"Stop what?" Malfoy drawled in an amused tone. Haley turned to face him. Why did he have to be so irritating? And confusing? And attractive? No – that wasn't right! She quickly shook her head to get rid of that particular thought. It was important to keep her thoughts strictly rational! But that was easier said than done, especially with the boy right in front of her. His head was cupped in his hands with his elbows resting on top of his knees. And he was smiling… like he was exactly where he wanted to be in this moment. She simply couldn't make sense of him. Haley took a deep breath. Focus, she told herself. She looked away from him. It was easier to focus that way.

"Stop being like this," she murmured, "Stop being nice to me. Don't act like you care when you're going to treat me like the dirt underneath your shoes just a second later! Stop confusing me! Stop toying around with me like this!" Her voice had gradually started to get louder. All of a sudden she felt so angry. It was like all the build up frustration and confusion from the last weeks was finally coming to a peak.

"If you're going to hate me, fine! Do it! But I can't deal with this any longer! This – this – I don't even know – whatever the hell this is!" Malfoy was just sitting there, quietly taking in her words. Why wasn't he saying anything? Why wasn't he defending himself? Why was he just sitting there?

Haley hurled the bowl away from her. It rolled around on the floor for a few seconds, spilling its content everywhere. She didn't wait for it to stop rolling before she continued her speech.

"Why won't you say anything?" She asked, facing him now, "What do you want from me, for Merlin's sake! I just don't get it. I don't get you!" She said in frustration using her hands to express her exasperation. She breathed heavily. Malfoy still said nothing.

Then her voice turned a bit calmer, a bit softer, until it was nothing more than a whisper, "I don't understand why this is getting to me so much… It shouldn't… It shouldn't matter at all."

Haley turned away from him again. She would just leave. Why had she let her emotions get away with her? She shouldn't have tossed the bowl of Murtlap Essence. Her hand was burning up again.

But she couldn't let her discomfort show. Malfoy was watching her. She could feel his eyes on her.

The Slytherin was getting up now. Fine, leave, Haley thought, and don't bother me again!

But he wasn't leaving. Instead he was walking toward the bowl, that was lying in the middle of the hall. With his back to her, he knelt down in front of it and took something out of his robe pocket.

Once he was finished with whatever he'd been doing, he carefully walked back over to where she was sitting. 'What are you doing?' Haley wanted to ask but seeing what Malfoy was doing silenced the words in her throat. He was kneeling down in front of her, reminding her of that time in the class room earlier this week. He'd knelt down then, too, picking up her wand for her. What he was doing now, was even more shocking.

In his right hand he was holding a handkerchief that was soaked with the yellowish liquid.

With his left hand he reached for her right one and gently wrapped the handkerchief around her injury. Even after he was done he didn't let go of her hand. It felt so much better now.

How easy would it be to just give in. To just surrender to whatever it was Malfoy was planning for her. But it didn't feel right to do that just yet. Still, it wouldn't hurt to let her hand rest there for a little while. Malfoy's fingers were stroking over it with such care. Why though? Why…?

"I..." Malfoy started to say after some time, "I... probably owe you… an apology." He chuckled, never looking away from Haley's hand.

"It feels like… I'm always apologizing to you…"

Haley raised her eyebrows. "Are you kidding me? I remember one apology."

"Oh really?" He asked, sounding genuinely surprised, "Well… I must have done it in my mind then."

Haley snorted at that. Was this boy for real?

"An apology doesn't really mean much if you're going to do the same thing all over again."

"I wasn't planning to-"

"Did you already forget the incident on the train? Or when you were being an insensitive prat only one week later?" Haley interrupted his excuses.

"But I didn't mean that!"

"Well, why did you do it then?" The atmosphere around them felt electrified, as they quietly stared at one another.

Malfoy was the first to look away. He sighed deeply.

"I was going to apologize for that. Should I not do that?" His hands weren't touching hers anymore. Instead his arm was wrapped around his middle loosely. Like he needed something to hold on to. Haley felt something inside her soften at the sight. The feeling irritated her. Where had it come from?

"I didn't say that. You can do what you want but… an insincere apology… that's just a waste of time." She hadn't meant to sound this bitter toward the end.

Malfoy was biting his lips in a thoughtful way. It seemed like he was really considering her words.

"I… I hurt you. Many times…" He whispered, "I was such a prat to you, I ignored you I – I insulted you, embarrassed you – I – I – I…" He swallowed thickly.

"I'm sorry for doing that to you." He looked up at her then, eyes brimming with sincerity and something like… remorse.

"I wish I could promise not to do that again but… I doubt you'd believe me." Malfoy glanced over at her hand almost longingly. Then he looked right into her eyes.

"Do you know that your eyes are really distracting?" He asked out of the blue.

"I dreamed about them once and after I woke up I spent an hour trying to remember the exact shade of green they had."

Haley blinked. Her heart had just skipped a beat! Why did he have to say these kinds of things? And why did he have to say them in such a way that almost seemed like he was awestruck? By her? Why did he have to keep confusing her until she herself wasn't sure what she felt anymore?

She didn't like this feeling. Didn't like it at all. She felt like she was drowning… Like she was slowly losing control…

Or maybe she was going crazy? She closed her eyes firmly.

"You're saying all that. You're using all these nice words but… in the end…" Haley took a deep breath, "In the end you still haven't explained. Anything." She concluded, focusing her eyes on the ceiling above her now.

"As far as I know, this is nothing but another game of yours," she continued, "I'm sick of being the punchline to another of your jokes – I –"

"Does this seem like a joke to you?" Malfoy yelled, effectively silencing her. "Look at me, for Merlin's sake!"

Haley glanced down to where Malfoy was kneeling. Literally on his knees, trying to make her believe him. It seemed like the picture of sincerity.

Well… in that moment he did seem sincere. More than that! But still… could she seriously just forget everything that had happened before?

"It's true," Malfoy admitted, "Lately… I haven't really done a lot to make you trust me but… don't you remember last year?"

"Last year?" Haley echoed, slightly confused about the sudden turn the conversation was taking.

"Yes," it seemed her non-aggressive reaction was encouraging him, "last year. Don't you remember how I helped you get through all the tasks? Why would I have done that if my goal was to harm you?"

"What do you mean you helped me through all the tasks…?" What was he on about? Had she missed something?

"Well, I guess it was just that one task…" he conceded.

The frown on Haley's face became more prominent. Malfoy sighed, rolling his eyes.

"The Second Task? The egg-clue? You had a little problem with breathing underwater and I presented you with a fool-proof solution? Did you forget that?"

"The gillyweed!" That's what the boy had been talking about! Now she knew where this was going. Except… no she still didn't have an idea.

"But… but that was Dobby! I got the gillyweed from Dobby!"

For a moment Malfoy had seemed elated at the recognition in her voice. Now he looked confused.

"No, no, no! That was me!" He said with a frown, "I gave you that note, remember? I was the one who told you to meet me in front of the kitchens that night. I gave the gillyweed to Dobby and asked him to give it to you! That was all me!"

His eyes opened wide, he seemingly tried to convince her with nothing but his grey orbs. But that wasn't even necessary. In a second a few things that hadn't hadn't quite added up before were making much more sense. It had seemed suspicious that she had met Dobby in the one night where she'd purposefully made her way down to the kitchens. And coincidentally he had also got her the gillyweed on top of that. If Haley remembered correctly, Dobby had seemed as if he was hiding something from her. And also…

"Neville!" She exclaimed, thinking of another thing.

"Actually, my name is Dra–"

"You stole his book about the water plants! Neville said, he had lost it, but… that was actually you, wasn't it? You found out about the gillyweed through Neville's book!"

Malfoy simply raised one eyebrow in answer.

Haley felt like something in her vision was righting itself all of a sudden. Something that had been upside-down for a long time was now standing right-side-up in front of her. It was a thrilling, exhilarating feeling. Like suddenly anything she could imagine was possible.

"You've been helping me… all along," she said in wonder. She remembered how helpless she'd felt back then. How much of a burden the whole tournament had been. And he'd really been there by her side. Irritating her. Disrupting her focus. But there nevertheless.

Malfoy shrugged. He wasn't meeting her eyes. Was that a faint blush she saw on his cheeks?

"Why didn't you tell me?" Haley asked.

The Slytherin sighed, "Well… you know…"

Haley waited, one eyebrow in the air.

"It's not… really – something… I would do, is it? Can't have people mistake me for a Gryffindor! Or even worse, one of those sickeningly well-meaning Hufflepuffs." He was shuddering in disgust. But beneath that, it was obvious that a part of him didn't worry about the Hufflepuff part too much.

Maybe he even enjoyed doing something nice for a change. Or was that thought too optimistic?

"You could have told me though," Haley said, leaning forward a bit. And then she did two things. One thing she herself wasn't expecting and the other thing, she had been wanting to do for a long time. She slipped from the bench to the ground until she was situated in front of Malfoy. Kneeling as well. Then she reached for his shoulder and let her hand rest on top of it softly.

She took a deep breath and released it in one short sentence, "Thank you."

The words seemed to confuse him. He kept looking back and forth between her face and the hand on his shoulder in a surprised way.

"Why…" He paused, trying to find his voice, "Why would you thank me? After everything..."

He trailed of. All of a sudden he looked inexplicably sad.

Haley bit her lips. It was hard to find the right words.

"I… kept hoping..." she said in a quiet voice.

"Hoping?" Malfoy asked, still sounding doubtful. But there was also a hopefulness in his voice that took her back to a wondrous night with a fairy that seemed like it had transpired in a whole different life time.

"Hoping that… I hadn't been wrong about you. That-" She stopped herself. While she'd been talking Malfoy had slowly raised his head until he was finally meeting her eyes. There it was again. Hope. What was it he was hoping for? Regardless of the answer it was that urgency that made her heart stop. That made her throw caution to the wind and tell him exactly what had been on her mind. What she had been afraid to say in case all of this was nothing more than a joke. It was now or never.

"That there was more to you. More than what you let everyone else see. I kept hoping…what I saw that night… That it was true. That you were more than just a heartless bully."

For a moment Malfoy didn't say a word. He just looked at her in wonder. Almost like he wasn't understanding what she had been saying. Haley didn't dare blink. She was too anxious for the Slytherin's reaction. And when had her heart started to beat so fast? Maybe it had something to do with the way Malfoy's lips were slightly parted or how his eyes were virtually shining.

Then he made a sound between a laugh and a sob. And he laughed again in a way that was hopeful and hesitant at the same time.

In a move that was almost too fast for Haley's Seeker reflexes, Malfoy took her left hand in his.

He removed her other hand from his shoulder and cradled it in his own hands as well. He didn't look at her. He was too busy watching their hands. But that didn't mean Haley couldn't look at him.

He seemed almost delighted. Like he just-

Huh? Had he just pressed a kiss onto her hand? Haley's eyes widened. They hadn't even talked about this. This other thing.

Without giving him a chance to kiss her hand a second time, she pulled it away from his grasp, ignoring the disappointment on his face. She looked away.

"Sorry," Malfoy whispered, "I… I couldn't help it…"

She didn't answer but she glanced over at him quickly. He was blushing again! Haley chuckled quietly at that. It made him look really cute. She bit her lip shyly. Where had that thought come from? She leaned her knees against her chest and wrapped her arms around them, letting her head rest on top of her arms.

It was quiet for a few seconds. Or minutes? Haley didn't know. She also didn't dare look up from the ground.

Malfoy inhaled audibly, as if he wanted to say something. But there were no words. Had she imagined that only? After another moment he took another deep breath. This time he also spoke.

"I… Does that mean you're… are you giving me another chance?"

Haley was conflicted. One part of her said 'Don't be a fool. He's only tricking you. It wouldn't be the first time', while the other more forgiving part told her, 'Can't you see that he's being sincere? What will you do if he ends up becoming a death eater and it's all your fault. Because you turned him down today?'.

Haley had often heard that she was like her mother. She always saw the good in people. It sounded like a positive trait at first. But she couldn't shake the feeling that it would come back to bite her one day. Haley had already made up her mind as she was raising her head, and meeting Malfoy's grey eyes at last.

"How do I know… that you won't change your mind again next week?" She had to ask that. It was a legitimate doubt, wasn't it?

Malfoy chuckled darkly, "I brought this on myself," he whispered, "Of course you don't believe me. Why would you?" It was a question but he didn't give her a chance to answer.

"Let me…show you," he said with renewed confidence, "Give me… I don't know – three months to show you how serious I am about this. How much I… care… about you."

Malfoy looked so sincere in that moment, she wanted to cry. Well she wasn't about to cry in front of him. And not over something like that.

"Three months?" She asked skeptically.

Malfoy pouted at her tone. "Fine, two months," he conceded.

Haley raised her eyebrows in a doubtful way.

Malfoy scowled. "One. Month. Then." He gritted out.

She inspected her fingernails in an unimpressed way. If she was going to keep herself from grinning, she couldn't look at him. His irritation was far too amusing.

"Half a month?" He asked quietly.

"Four weeks it is then," Haley told her fingernails in a disinterested voice.

"Fine," Malfoy spat, "Two weeks, four weeks, I'm sure I can convince you of my fabulousness in only a day."

Haley snorted at that. She finally looked up at him, laughing.

"Yeah?" She asked curiously. Malfoy's eyes were full of determination. She smiled.

"You bet. I'll show you on our trip to Hogsmeade next weekend."

"Excuse me?" Haley frowned. Had she missed something?

"There's a Hogsmeade trip planned for next weekend and I-"

"I know that. What I meant is I don't remember you actually asking me to go or anything."

He looked dumbfounded.

"But I thought-"

"What?" She asked in a dangerous voice.

Malfoy cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

"So…there's a Hogsmeade trip coming up next weekend. I thought you might like – I mean -" He stopped when he saw the unimpressed expression on her face.

"Would you – would you like to go together?" He was trying really hard. Haley saw that. But she couldn't bring herself to simply say yes. Not after everything that had happened before. And there was also something else. She was forgetting something. Or someone? But she couldn't remember what it was. She blamed it on her tiredness.

"I'll think about it," she said, and hadn't she said those exact words not too long ago? To someone else?

Malfoy had seemed optimistic before. Now his expression was back to being slightly guarded.

"If you don't want to just say so. I don't care for false promises and empty words." He glared at her warily. Maybe it hadn't been the most clever way of putting it.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Well, you didn't say yes!" Malfoy interrupted her hotly.

We have to be the most stubborn and hot-headed people in the castle, Haley thought to herself. Was it possible for them to have even one conversation without either of them raising their voice?

"I didn't say no either," she reminded him, trying to stay calm.

Malfoy regarded her in a thoughtful way for a moment.

"So, you're really going to think about it?" He inquired finally. Haley nodded.

"Make sure to let me know once you've decided," he said, seeming somewhat convinced.

"Sure," she whispered, "You'll be the first to know." She smiled softly.

There was a tiny smile on his face as well and for a few seconds they just sat there softly smiling at one another. In that moment it was hard to imagine how cold his eyes had been, how they had reminded her of a harsh winter storm. Now the iciness had made way for a more… a more…

Haley yawned. Her eyes were drooping again. Now that all the excitement was somewhat over, her body had decided to remind her, that she was incredibly tired.

Malfoy was getting to his feet. "Come on, it's late," he said, extending his hand.

It would change everything if she took his hand now. But maybe that wasn't a bad thing?

She briefly considered ignoring it and getting up on her own but in her current state of tiredness the thought alone seemed nearly impossible.

So she took the hand that was hovering in front of her and let Malfoy help her up.

She still felt the same. She was still Haley. But then, what had she been expecting?

"I'll take you back to your common room," Malfoy told her. He was still holding her hand.

"I'll manage, thanks," she muttered with a frown. His hand was cold. Why was it so cold?

"I'm sure of that. But it's already past curfew. What if a teacher catches you?"

Was he worrying about her? What a ridiculous thought.

"And what are you going to do about that?" She asked curiously. It didn't feel different from holding Hermione's hand really.

"Well, I'm a prefect. Did you forget that?" He adjusted his grip on her hand. There was no spark. Shouldn't there be a spark? Or a tingly feeling at least? In any case it didn't feel unpleasant.

"You sound like Percy," she chuckled, "And what are you going to say, when we come across a teacher? Will you tell them that you were just escorting me back to Gryffindor Tower?"

"Well I… I'll think of something…" He said unconvincingly. He wasn't even acknowledging her jab about Percy. Instead he started to swing their hands back and forth. Haley wasn't sure Malfoy was even aware of what his hand was doing.

"Just… come on," he insisted impatiently. The way he tugged at her hand, Haley thought he was trying to tear her arm off or something. At least it wasn't her injured hand.

"As convincing as that sounds, I'm afraid I-" She stopped herself. Was that the sound of footsteps?

Malfoy seemed to hear it, too. He let her hand fall without hesitating for a second. She knew why he'd done it of course but It kind of bothered her that he was so quick to let go.

"Ah, there you are. Hermione was worried you'd gotten yourself into trouble aga-"

Haley turned to where the voice had come from. Ron. He hadn't spotted Malfoy at first but now that he'd stepped further into the hall, he glared at him.

"Leave her alone! You slimy, arrogant, little-"

"Weasley." Malfoy interrupted him in a rather neutral tone.

Ron watched him warily, clearly waiting for the insults that were bound to follow.

Haley was waiting, too. She didn't know what she was waiting for though.

Malfoy turned to face her again. He was wearing his signature smirk but it didn't seem mean-spirited to her. There was still warmth in his eyes.

"Night, Potter," he drawled. Then he turned around and vanished in the direction of the dungeons.

Ron was at her side in less than a second.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you? What happened?" He asked, looking her over worriedly.

Haley didn't know how to properly answer either of those questions. So she simply shook her head.

"I really don't get that git. He usually never wastes an opportunity to be a jerk. I mean what was that? Honestly..." Ron trailed off, shaking his head. "You may be right about him. His behaviour is definitely suspicious. We should keep our eyes on him – Haley?"

Haley had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't paid attention to where she was going. She was standing in the middle of the stair case that lead up to their tower with her shoe stuck inside one of the trick steps. Ron had caught her arm, so that she wouldn't fall.

"I missed the trick step," Haley said in confusion. She never missed the trick step.

"You missed the trick step," Ron repeated sounding equally confused.

"Are you really okay?" He asked, once he'd helped her pull her shoe out of the step.

"I – yeah," Haley offered slowly, "I'm just… really really tired."

It wasn't like Ron to press for more information. Even if he did suspect there was more behind her words. He wasn't comfortable talking about "feelings and all that mushy stuff", as he would put it. And he'd never initiate that sort of conversation. There was no doubt he would listen to her worries if she came to talk to him about them. But he'd let her come to him in her own time. It was something she appreciated about her friend. After all she wasn't near ready to tell him that Draco Malfoy had kind of asked her on a date. And… what was even more insane was the fact that she was actually considering to say yes.

…