#that it'll all turn out fine
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i feel sick.
#i want my dad#i want my dad right fucking now#but that man is gone#i wish i was better#i wish i was good enough#because then none of the would have happened#and i'd still have my dad#i don't even know anymore#i just want someone to hold me#and tell me i'm okay#that it'll all turn out fine
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girl creature with a very wet head....
#mine#my face#selfies#hehe now i gotta stay like this for a few hours#partner cut my bangs! I wanted them slightly different/ miscommunication but oh well it'll turn out fine#and them being even makes future edits easier#anyways. need all the ringlets to dry without frizzing or scattering
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the way i put on my big girl pants by channeling my inner syb (woman who is fine with, and in fact prefers making phone calls to sort things out) is lowkey embarrassing but also like...thank god i have her to lean on lmao
#me: *holding my phone and trembling* but what do i /say/?#syb: here's what you're gonna do. you're gonna tell them the issue. you're gonna listen to them propose a way to fix it....#...you're gonna do what they say and it'll all turn out /fine/#anyway. pray for me. i need to call my landlord during my lunch break in an hour
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you’re reading fourth wing . . . oh my goodness good luck soldier i hope you’ll be able to get though it with your sanity intact . . . let’s hope you still like dragons after this
Everyone keeps saying "goodluck" or "godspeed." have faith, soldier, in my love for the trenches.
i've braved dastardly pits before and I'll brave them again 🫡
#quil's queries#nonsie#i think it'll be fine#also my love for dragons knows no bounds one dragon book wont change that. i got through h0arded by the dragon just fine <3#though that wasn't even really a book about dragons. that was just double dick breeding smut#i think it'll turn out to be like. a mid na fantasy. maybe some questionable choices or moments#but overall just solidly mediocre. and perhaps even in a fun way!#but also open to being wrong in either direction. open mind#this isn't like my reading bad books on purpose thing this one is#goddamn there's a lot of talk both ways I want to know what's going on first hand#but don't worry guys. i do have another bad book lined up#don't know when I'll read but I've heard bad things and i'll tell you all about it <3#it's just. a long one. so it'll be a little bit more of a commitment
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silly tempo doodles [ft. one funky churro fumo] mostly because i felt like it
also hopefully if nothing comes up today, i can start the silly vrchat session tonight! [around 7-8pm est, i'll make a post when im about to hop on or when i am on :D] if not i can move it to next week if people need more time to prepare because i do know it was a bit out of nowhere but if everyone's ready, i can do it tonight! :D [do note i do use an oculus quest so i might not see pc avatars or worlds!! if anyone has an avatar they wanna port to quest, i can gladly provide a tutorial that helped me with getting the tempo avatar quest compatible!]
here's a list of the games i planned out! this is due to change, and i'm willing to take suggestions for new games too! [so long as they're quest and pc compatible! and, well, for people of all ages too of course]
#phione's art funnies#harmoknight#phione's reblogs#phione's gaming rambles#i know people have been wondering when the vrc session is gonna be so here you go!!#again if not today then maybe tomorrow or next week since i have the week off#also i might be bringing one or two friends along since this is gonna be my first time actually interacting with harmoknight tumblr#and i can be really nervous at times so!! they're here to help me not combust into flames because god i hate anxiety#hopefully everything turns out fine!!#but uhhh yeah#vrc session hopefully tonight around 7-8pm est#thankfully joshuq being the guy ever has uploaded some harmoknight worlds so that'll be the meeting spot!#it'll most likely be the title screen one since i think that makes the most sense#but yeah!! this is the schedule we're rolling with! if anything comes up i'll let you all know asap!
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Every once in a billion years I suddenly get very lucky and pick up one band merch delivery on one day, and then get another band merch delivery from another band on the very next day
#let's fucking gooooooo#once i'm less preoccupied with this art challenge#(((((that is starting to make less and less sense to keep going with day by day#but i guess i'm going to continue with it anyway more out of stubbornness than anything else#and it would be lame to stop now when i alredy have most of the ideas ready in some form#and the means to finish all this stuff as long as i stop being annoying about it and overthinking everything#and because i can only feel semi-normal when i don't feel like i'm wasting my life away and i'm instead making any sort of thing#since literally nothing else is helping me feel not awful at this point#it'll be fine as long as i don't think about it and instead devote as much time as possible to another thing. anyway !!!!!!!!!)))))#i'm going to have so much fun with the self-titled tmbg album puzzle#literally perfect album cover picture for a puzzle i'm so glad this got made#and i loooove the propaganda t-shirt!! :3#i'm already assembling my london trip wardrobe and it's going to be most of the t-shirts being band t-shirts at this rate#maybe i should really turn that 'born to die' drawing into a t-shirt too. perfect time to do that#goosepost
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look at this brown butter. she's luscious
#making cookies. i hope they turn out this time#i've wanted to get on the hype train for bb cookies so bad but both times i've made them in the past they're soooo greasy#looking back i think it's because i did not let the butter cool before mixing in everything else. like duh of course it was going to end up#greasy and flat#this time i waited until it was completely cool and the dough looked normal so i'm hoping the cookies will turn out#i even went to bulk barn and got chocolate wafers to be all Fancy#me and brown butter have a complicated history. both times i did it in the past i don't think i browned it enough#this time i made sure it got to that deep brown color before i took it off the heat#but then i started panicking like omg what if i overdid it 😭#it's fine it'll be fine. it smelled amazing and not at all burnt
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booktok drama made it to twitter bc someone uploaded a video of young woman who complained about s*x of c*row*s bc her followers rec'd it to her and yes, she only reads romance. and she found this particular book difficult to read bc of the font size but everyone took it to mean shes stupid. no, she doesn't like fantasy. let alone YA fantasy. and now everyone on twitter is like 'i cant believe she dnf'd this book'. so what. she only likes romance. that's her account and her business. ppl taking it so personally she didnt like or finish a YA fantasy. get a life.
#and she complained bc everyone told her 'it'll all make sense in the next series' and she was like 'why do i have to wait for 3 more books#--for it all to make sense??'#and shes right!!!#i hate when things are turned into a series#she has her preferences. she tried something new and it didnt work out.#also i dont think english is her first language despite her account being english speaking#so that's even meaner to be calling her stupid for not understanding some of the words that the author made up#i think she's doing fine but ppl are stiching her video or quote tweeting and being mean to her#just bc she didnt like some nerd fantasy shit that was written like 10 years ago#its not like she insulted lord of the rings#(even tho thats shits boring too)
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trying to add a scene into an old chap bc a specific plot thread has been bothering me for a while now but ITS SO HARD TO CHANGE SOMETHING THATS ALREADY PUBLISHED WITHOUT ENTIRELY REWRITING. my editing style is quite literally "if sucks, rewrite from scratch" which isnt useful rn. pain and suffering for ten thousand years
#tteote ch28 is gonna gain a scene fyi#just because. okay wait loredrop#tteote used to be one fic#that was gonna be like . 100k#then i had more ideas and i was like ok 200kish super long fic sounds good#then i wrote the “100k” bit and it ended up 200k#and i was like oh shit okay right i gotta make this two fics#which is fine bc the “100k” bit ends quite nicely as its own thing (this mission specifically#vs The Bigger War is a good way to divide it)#BUT THAT MEANS#that some ominous character interactions#will not be resolved in this fic#like you wont find out what i hinted at until next fic#and thats probably like a year away bc i gotta actually write it lol#so ive gotta have those characters turn up again or it'll just looklike a loose end i abandoned for no reason. if that makes sense#the more i think abt it the more annoyed i am that theyre two fics because some of the tiny minor side characters in tteote#get fun roles in fic 2#bUT i cant recombine them bc the ending works so well now#so you'll all have to be patient#sorry for that LONG ASS CONTEXT RAMBLE#but yea im adding kaneko back into ch28 bc i made him sooo ominous then just abandoned him#so. that'll drop along with ch32#im hoping#wish me luck#tteote
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Trying to ignore the fact that everyone and their grandmas are at ruisrock except for me 🥲 not that I'd have the money or the spoons to be there but the fomo is through the roof rn
#repeatedly telling myself that I'm seeing my clowns next week I'm seeing K next week it'll be fine it'll be my turn soon#but 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i hope everyone has a great time at ruissi pls stay safe with the crazy winds and all take care of yourself and each other ❤️#knowing that there will be so much material coming out from ruissi also helps like I'll be watching videos and looking at pics all night 🥲
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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I have discovered the best lentil salad recipe, I'm so happy right now
#my post#text post#every time i find a New Food it's very exciting#i had it for dinner last night and then tonight i had the leftovers and dressed it slightly differently and it was even better#i'm going to make this all the time#the only thing was it required the zest of two lemons which. super annoying to zest two whole lemons for two meals worth of food#but i think you can buy dried lemon zest and if the store bought stuff is comparable then it'll be fine and it'll enter the regular rotatio#cooking adventures#turns out salads are delicious if you put things that taste good in them. who knew.
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🦨
#ok ok so what im hoping for now is that i'll pass my course#and that im fine for the surgery and that the surgery turns out well without any bad side effects or complications#then i can start recovering nd hopefully gettin my health back#after a couple of months i can probably start going to the gym again#then i'll also apply for a loan and do the rest of my classes thru distance#it'll be a lot of work but if im feeling ok physically nd can eat nd work our then it'll be fine#as i start feeling better i'll try to reach out to my sisters and talk to them. i miss them sm and i cant keep it like this#after the first classes are done i'll apply for 4 more classes nd a loan just to buy myself some time#and then i'll keep working on my mental and physical health#after that i'll either try getting a job or applying to uni or a craft/work related education#i'll keep trying to put myself in waiting lists for appartments#idk i will just keep trying with life. for my mom.#even if everything feels so fkn dark nd hopeless nd scary nd nightmarish rn. i cant leave my mom i just cant.#but im rlly hoping the surgery will go ok bc .. idk how to handle a life w all of those complications that can arise after#so im just rlly rlly hoping. my grandma nd great grandma removed their gallbladders nd they were fine. so im hoping i'll be too
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I went outside in 30 degree heat and now I'm dead. Learn from my mistakes, Tumblr. Never leave the house.
#it's fine#I'll be okay hopefully#Just so tired#apparently it'll be hot tomorrow#kill me#although sophia isn't coming in thank God so we can have the aircon on#i mean sophia isn't against aircon but once i *just* turned it on and she said it's too cold turn it off#like mate cold is good#put a jumper on#Go outside if you're too cold#weak#your species will die out#(shhh don't tell me it's the people averse to heat who are the weak ones)#technically the earth is getting hotter so we have to adapt to hotter temperatures#also my Nana lives a block away from the beach but soon she'll live on the beach#soon we'll all have beach side properties#amazing#The water will cool us down#we become like Venice and get boats everywhere#The future#this is fine
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Drawing SOS Chronicles things again
The first time Oliver meets Almitak in "person", things get a little tense. After all, you can't transfer your soul into the body of a willing victim child without some drama.
(Silas and Silvie in the background are not having fun watching their friend get possessed)
#the sos chronicles#oliver starfell#silas starfell#silvie starfell#almitak the space dragon#almitak#pandora's box vibes going on here#do you like my attempts at drawing rocks/rock walls that's what the background's supposed to be xD#and also the bumpy things by Almitak's box are meant to be rocks#the kiddos are in a cave#I think I'm gonna have to outline them before I try and do more background stuff tho otherwise it'll get all smudgy#I had fun drawing oliver's clothes being all windswept and flowy#oliver in general looks really good I just gotta add in some details#*sudden realization that this could be an actual illustration in her book* I'm... fine#I really enjoy drawing tendrils aklghja;gdads#silvie has her tail wrapped around silas to keep him from running to help#she don't know what's going on but if her friend is about to die she's only losing one#I really like how oliver turned out just in general
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so our current big stressful thing that's just fucking us up in the background is that the local council is doing inspections to decide whether to demolish all the houses on our street, so we just have to wait to find out whether we'll have to move again because of the house potentially being demolished at some point.
because apparently we're just not allowed to go too long without something improbably unfortunate happening
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#we're hoping it'll turn out fine but we don't even know when we'll find out what's happening#we just desperately don't want to move again. we've moved house so many fucking times#our mum specifically bought this house because it would guarantee that we'd always have a house to live in instead of having to keep moving#and this shit should have shown up on all the background checks but didn't
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