#that it didn’t end with Barney going to prison

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

This is…. Actually a really good point

The most ridiculous thing to ever come out of HIMYM wasn’t the finale, it was the idea that Lily settled for Marshall. The man was 6 foot 4 inches of pure love and kindness, enjoyed being the little spoon and wasn’t afraid to ask for it, was never afraid to show or ask for physical affection, absolutely CHUGGED Respect My Wife and Women Juice, LOVED HIS PARENTS SO MUCH, was NEVER afraid to show any of his friends how much he cared about them (no toxic masculinity here), believed in Nessie and Bigfoot and ghosts, wanted to become an environmental lawyer to protect the earth, admitted it when he messed up and apologized for it always, completely devoid of toxic masculinity, and their sex life was insane. Marshall Eriksen is the complete package and the gang is a fool for thinking he’s anything less.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

hi kerry!!!

what was your first ship, and what fandom is it from?

is there a ship that you used to ship, but don’t anymore?

Hi Rachel!!!!

(This is going make me sound old as fuck)

There was a show in the early 2000’s on Disney called Phil of the Future- it doesn’t get as much as fanfare as other Disney shows but the kid from the future stuck in the present, Phil, and the popular girl who he meets, Keely, have the CUTEST friendship and act like a couple when they aren’t and then they realize they like each other and kiss and then the show ends because it was cancelled and my little sixth grade heart was so sad!!

There is! I don’t know if this is controversial because I don’t know if this is a show people still watch-

I used to love Robin and Barney from How I met your mother, like I watched it when the last seasons aired live and I watched it recently when it was on and was like was the show always this… misogynistic and sexist? (Which the answer is probably yes but I didn’t realize it lol)

And I don’t know if it counts because I don’t ship them anymore but because the character of Barney I just ship with like… prison.

[themculibrary]

Fics With Titles That Start With L Masterlist

Lay Down Your Wings (ao3) - Sororising rhodey/sam T, 12k

Summary: They go on their next date - their first, technically, but they both agree that the evening in the pub had felt more than a little date-like - a few days later, and Sam finds it just as easy to talk to Jim as he had the first night. He learns that Jim has a mechanical engineering degree and is studying part-time for a theoretical physics one; he learns that Jim has very strict rules about the times of days he’ll drink coffee, and he learns that making Jim laugh is rapidly becoming one of his favourite things to do in the world.

God, Sarah’s never going to let him hear the end of this.

They decide to meet up again the next day, and Sam tries not to be too hopeful about where this is going.

leave the gun on the table (ao3) - Myrime steve/tony, bruce/thor, bucky/natasha M, 185k

Summary: Tony meets his soulmate under the worst possible circumstances. It is not just a kidnapping gone wrong. It turns out Steve and his gang picked him on purpose and they want some personal revenge. If only he had managed to say the words written on his soulmate’s arm before they threw him back out into the streets.

Left Foot Forward (ao3) - shatteredhourglass bucky/clint M, 22k

Summary: There was an unspoken rule among the Avengers that they didn't talk about Clint's soulmark. They didn't talk about it, they didn't look at it, and they didn't bring it up.

lesson learnt (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor bucky/clint T, 3k

Summary: Clint gets upset when his alpha's tell him that he can't go on a mission for Fury. He ends up going anyways to try and prove a point to his alpha's, and drags Bucky along with him. Things don't exactly go to plan.

Let it Be (ao3) - lucifersfavoritechild tony/stephen, past steve/tony T, 15k

Summary: While dealing with his son's car accident and a rapidly-dissolving marriage, Tony is drawn to Peter's surgeon, Dr. Stephen Strange.

Let Love Lead Us (Love is Christmas) (ao3) - Bucket_Burns steve/bucky G, 11k

Summary: The Christmas season will always be something special to Steve and Bucky.

Let’s Play House (ao3) - Not Applicable (not_applicable) rhodey/steve M, 4k

Summary: “So. Good morning, I guess.”

“Yeah, good morning,” Steve said, and he took a seat on the bed beside Rhodey. Rhodey was still just in his boxers with his phone resting on one leg, and he was twisting his matching wedding band around his left ring finger as he grinned warily at Steve. “So,” Steve continued, and he held up his left hand, “this happened last night.”

life in cinematic haze (ao3) - shatteredhourglass bucky/clint M, 13k

Summary: They get closer and Bucky gets a better look at the man, thinks maybe Sam had been expecting an archer in purple instead of a sword-wielder in black. The thing is, he met Hawkeye years ago, at an airport with his bow in hand and his head held high. They hadn’t spoken to each other but Bucky had seen the resolve, the vibrant life streaming from him as he’d given Steve a tight smile and pulled out an arrow.

He hadn’t met this.

Life In Reverse (ao3) - Lise T, 228k

Summary: Home is where you make it. Or, the AU where Loki falls to Earth after Thor, wanders around trying to work out what to do with himself, and somehow ends up working for SHIELD. (Mostly because supervillains are so plebian.)

Like an Arrow Through a Flock of Doves (ao3) - arsenicarcher (Arsenic), hoosierbitch clint/phil E, 68k

Summary: When he takes the rap for a crime committed by Barney and the Swordsman, Clint is charged as an adult at 17 and spends the next four years of his life without protection in prison. Enter one Neal Caffrey, who knows how to charm his way to whatever he wants or needs, and Clint’s life gets a lot more interesting. Pretty much, the story of Clint in prison, Clint getting out, and Clint, like always, finding his way to SHIELD, and Phil.

like clockwork, when it dies (ao3) - killerqueenwrites pepper/tony T, 3k

Summary: Tony jerks awake in a chair that feels a little too small, blinding light searing through his eyelids before he even opens them.

It’s off. Wrong. Sideways. He can’t put his finger on why.

The clock is ticking for both Tony and Peter, but Tony can’t help but feel that this torture wasn’t meant for him.

like sick flowers need the sun (ao3) - hoosierbitch clint/phil M, 7k

Summary: Clint hasn't felt this alone in a long time. Coulson's gone, SHIELD isn't a home anymore, and no one on his new team seems to like him. After a lifetime of being ignored, Clint's gotten good at demanding attention. He'll annoy and frustrate and piss everyone off until they notice him. To him, any attention—even the negative kind—is good attention.

This poses a problem when they all finally learn to just ignore him.

Looking at You (ao3) - NotEvenCloseToStraight bucky/tony E, 28k

Summary: Bucky doesn’t understand why no one ever says anything about Tony’s PTSD. A year after they have all come back, after they all hugged and made up, Tony is still jumping anytime someone speaks to him. His hands shake when Steve raises his voice. All he does is work and drink and apologize for being around. And nobody notices except Bucky, because he is looking. Constantly. Watching Tony as he goes through his day to day. Bucky looks and LOOKS, until he is having a hard time even wanting to look away from short spiky hair that begs to be mussed, deep brown eyes that always looks so sad, and perfect lips that Bucky just wants to kiss forever. Bucky looks for so long that now all he wants to do is touch and hold and fix everything. But Tony can barely be in the same room as Bucky, cant even look him in the eye. So Bucky doesn’t know what to do about Tony, but he is determined to do something. Because all he wants is to look at Tony, and see Tony looking back with a smile.

lost in the woods (and i wander on) (ao3) - shatteredhourglass bucky/clint M, 7k

Summary: “You want to talk about it?”

“I really don’t,” Clint says, and his voice doesn't crack but it feels like it should.

love carved out of caring (ao3) - luthien82 clint/phil T, 25k

Summary: It's just a normal day at the office: an alien invasion, the Avengers assemble and fight, and they lose radio contact with Barton. Except that this time, it's not really a normal day at all, as Phil Coulson finds out soon enough when he is confronted with a three year old Clint Barton and no idea what happened.

Love Is A Battlefield (ao3) - crumbcrash2000 steve/tony, tony/tiberius E, 53k

Summary: In Siberia, Steve looks on in horror as Tony watches the video of his parents’ murder. Expecting the worst, he is prepared to fight to defend Bucky, even through the shock of his own betrayal.

But Tony doesn’t lash out.

Instead, Tony cries, and Steve’s whole life falls apart.

love is like a stubborn youth (ao3) - owlvsdove pepper/tony T, 9k

Summary: The long-winded story of the meeting, hiring, working relationship, courting, and comedy goldmine that is Tony Stark’s relationship with Pepper Potts.

Lullaby (ao3) - Trumpeteer34 bruce/natasha G, 3k

Summary: After a battle, the team try to calm Hulk down. Natasha has an idea.

Or: Natasha's touch-therapy is called a "lullaby." The name had to come from somewhere.

[susie-dreemurr]

My wishes for Season 3 of Dead End: Paranormal Park!

—This contains spoilers for both seasons. Also, please don’t spoil me with book content, I can’t read it 😭

•More Courtney lore. We still don’t know what she did to get banished, and the way she was initially dealt with, (memory loss, trapping her in the neutral plane) even for most of season 2, (kept on watch by fingers instead of being put with the other fallen, along with all the ominous “he has plans for you” that didn’t amount to shit) is very clearly shown to not be the normal procedure, and also the symmetrical broken halo….What Is Up With Them. After all the foreshadowing and hints, it’d be disappointing if they weren’t important in some way.

She’s shown to have a lot of self-loathing, especially about her internalized prejudice against her species (Plural. Bc her situation is…complicated, now 😅) . Maybe, while/since her friends won’t be around as often, she decides to investigate her past, something spurred on by talking with the other Fallen Angels and realizing how different her experience is. This could be an opportunity to explore the angels, as well.

•Please, for the love of all that is good in this world, no more time travel. At all. we as a society have moved past the need to time travel. You kind of have to refer to the past events but don’t make any character time travel anymore please 😭

•Norma being a bit of an anti-villain, at least for a while, due to the season two ending. Alongside that, I need some shenanigans of the Zagan, Norma and Temelechus possible trio because hello???? Iconic potential???? It’d also be a good opportunity to give Zagan more depth, she needs it.

•Norma’s autism gets at least name-dropped. Please… for me 🥺🥺🥺? Especially if she has a tiny plot where her feeling like her mom treats her like a little kid is actually addressed because, oof. It’s relatable to a lot of us!

•Aro Badyah!!! Based on this clip. There aren’t many aro characters, especially ones who have it dealt with in the actual show, it’d be so important to me. Especially because Badyah thinking she has to be straight because so much of our world revolves around romance that you can’t escape it, it’s everywhere. I headcannon she can find people attractive and mistakes that for romantic feelings.

•So far, Barney seems like the kind of character who had all their development/arc in season one, so he’s stuck as static for the rest of the show. However! The show can save this!!! His relation to Pugsley is something that will spark a change in his behavior. His feelings of grief and (implied) survivor’s guilt gotta have some focus, even if the show keeps a lighthearted tone. However, while he shouldn’t find out in the first episodes, Barney definitely needs to be majorly involved in Pugsley’s thing. Which, speaking of….

•Whatever tf Pugsley’s got going on….not gonna lie, I have no idea for what and how it’ll happen, except that I hope it’s creepy and that it brings him back. Also, as mentioned before, Barney has to be majorly involved in it.

•The main gang feels a bit separated (Norma’s revenge alliance with the demons, Barney and Logs traveling, Pusgley’s wtf credits, my Courtney suggestion) in the ending, lean into that. Of course, they still hang out, but it’d showcase the big negative impacts the finale had on the cast, while exploring the quadruple’s writing on their own more. Near the climax, all their storylines would combine, and that could be sooo cool!!!

•Clone Courtney was, from what I remember, missing from the prison break out. Not even a single backround shot, when we gave the other two clones some time to shine! Plus, didn’t you find it off that they just put Courtney in the F.A.P after all the ominous “He has plans for you” talk? Well. I need me some stuff about that.

Sorry for rambling, haha! Thinking of the great potential of season three keeps me from disliking the ending, lmao.

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

[crescentmoonrider]

If this unreliable self can become someone… - Part 3 (Annotated Edition)

It's been almost two years since Yuuta started travelling with Toji-san. Almost two years since Yuuta started hating himself a little less. It can't last, he knows it, but still he hopes it will. It's all he has. [Edo AU]

read on AO3

read on FFn

Today in “Yumi rambles about their own writing” : historical research about cops, a personal favorite folk tale, and, uh, Barney ?

... yeah this one’s going to be interesting

I need you, you need me (Won’t you say you need me too)

I love you~ You love me~ Let’s kill Barney~

… is that how it goes ? I don’t know, I never knew Barney the purple dinosaur as a child, since I live in a French-speaking region of the world and all. The generation before me had Casimir and “L’île aux Enfants”, and let me tell you Casimir is a darling ! He’s orange, and very sweet, and doesn’t look like he consumes the souls of the damned for breakfast. The theme song for “L’île aux Enfants” is also very good, although it is admittedly a bit of an earworm.

Okay, fine, it’s a lot of an earworm.

Anyway, you might be wondering why I settled on this for this one’s title. There’s a few reasons honestly – one of them being that I wanted to inflict psychic damage on the readers before they even opened the fic itself.

But also, like, I can’t even remember why I looked up the lyrics to Barney’s song in the first place, but the whole “I love you, you love me […] Won’t you say you love me too” part of the text just. Haunted me. Who thought this was acceptable lyrics for a kids’ show ?? It’s deliciously creepy and needy and fucked up. Now, obviously love isn’t really a factor in this story, not in the romantic sense at least, so I decided to instead emphasize the codependency aspect of the relationship.

As for the fact that these lyrics work so well for a story about people unhealthily relying on each other… well. Let’s not dwell on that.

(The last reason was simply that the working title for this one was “Fuck the police (no not like that)” and uh. I really didn’t want it to stick)

Dōshin (同心)

The machikata-doshin (or mawarikata-doshin, depends on their actual job) were basically the police patrolmen of the Edo era, at least in shogunal cities (more detail on those in the first research notes for this series). Their best documented job was mostly to look out for burglars and arsonists, using okkapiki (or meakashi, basically professional snitches, although they could also help during investigations) to assist them. Okkapiki were employed by the doshin himself, and paid for with his own money. As for the doshin themselves, their direct superior was called the yoriki.

In the city of Edo, they were also sometimes called hatchōbori, as this was the name of the place where they had their quarters. You may recognize the name from a train station in Chūō, Tokyo.

With the political stability brought by the Tokugawa shogunate, many lower-rank samurai chose to become doshin as, even though it wasn’t exactly a well-regarded job (still samurai work though), it was still a guaranteed source of income, and with time the position ended up becoming basically hereditary.

Anyway, ACAB

 “Being found guilty […] would mean lashings and a criminal’s markings.”

I tried looking up laws and like, crimes and punishments in the Edo-era. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to find the specific laws I was looking for, specifically regarding the punishment for carrying sharp weapons as a non-samurai, so uh. I went with classic Edo stuff. Lashings, exile (marked by tattoos, so the exiled person can’t just disguise themself and sneak back into town), that kind of thing. There could be a prison sentence too, or it could be one of those many crimes sentenced by death, I genuinely don’t know. Then again, neither does Yuuta, probably, so it’s fine. Maybe.

By the way, did you know that the punishment for arson was death by fire ? Love the irony of that, 10/10

 The hour of the ox

Hours in pre-Meiji Japan were named after zodiac animals, with six hours during the day, and six at night (each hour was about as long as two of our current ones). The hour of the ox would then be between 1am and 3am… kind of.

See, since the number of hours dividing the time of day was the same as the ones dividing night-time, these hours couldn’t all last the same, outside of like. The equinoxes. Since this story is taking place in ~early summer, that means days are longer than nights, and as such night hours are much shorter. So when does the doshin finish his shift ? Fuck if I know, I haven’t done this kind of maths since applied maths in high school, and even back then I sucked at it !

 Ojizou-sama

Jizou (地藏) is originally a bodhisattva under the name of Ksitigarbha, but his role as a folk figure in Japan is pretty different from the rest of the Buddhist world’s traditions, so I’ll just focus on the Japanese stuff. In everyday life, you’ll often find statues of him on roadsides, wearing a red bib, and he is seen as a protector of travellers.

He is also a protector of children, especially dead ones, since he is said to come by the shore of the river Sai, where souls wait in purgatory and pile up stones in the hopes of one day making it to Buddha’s paradise. Normally, onis will come and destroy the stone piles and the dead will have no choice but to start again, but when Jizou comes by, he will protect the children, hiding them in his robes.

Maybe the most famous story about Jizou, however, is the tale of the six Jizou, also known as Kasa Jizou (笠地蔵, Jizou with a hat). Here’s one version. On New Year’s eve, a poor old man goes into town to sell five straw hats, but he encounters six statues of Jizou, covered in snow and looking quite cold. The man gives each of them one hat, and then uncovers his own head to give the sixth statue a hat as well. He comes home to his wife, who is kind of sad he didn’t make any money, but understands his gesture and agrees with him. During the night, the couple wakes up to the sound of heavy stones being moved, and as they light their lamp, they realize their house is filled with gifts. The six Jizou statues decided to thank them !

So yeah, that’s Jizou. He’s a really cool guy, I think

[spectrum-color]

Ok so I have read the supposed leak about the show on the WoT sub. I am skeptical, but some of this was already rumors or outright shown in trailers so a lot of it could be true. I will run through the changes and what I think about them. Bear in mind that I am flexible about adaptations and don’t mind changes as a rule, and I also think WoT has its flaws and could benefit from some updates.

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT POTENTIAL SHOW SPOILERS

~~~~~~~~~

Rand and Egwene are sleeping together-already confirmed by the trailer. I don’t care; I fully expected Amazon to request they sex the series up a bit. I just hope they don’t do GoT softcore.

Min is a Fal Dara soldier-love it. I love Min but hate how her character gets reduced to fawning over Rand; it’s great to see her with a more active role.

Egwene is ta’veren-people were divided on this but I love it. I always thought she was, and that her becoming the Amyrlin and fixing the tower for the Last Battle was destined. Honestly imo she does cooler stuff than Mat Perrin. I also am down with the Dark One being after her because destroying the Tower is key to his plans and if her destiny is to unite them that is a problem for the Shadow. Even if some of this is fake, I think this is highly likely.

Perrin has a wife who is killed by trollocs-this I really don’t like. I don’t think any of them need wives, never mind one that’s fridged immediately just to give him a reason to feel ambivalent about violence. Plus his whole dynamic with Faile where they have to learn to communicate and compromise would come off a LOT differently if it wasn’t two young people fumbling through their first love (that said I would like to see some of the more…divisive aspects of their relationship toned down.)

More friction at the White Tower-I really love (and think it’s likely) what the supposed leak said about them showing more unrest among the Aes Sedai between ajahs and toward Siuan. I think that sets up the schism better. I also like the detail of many sisters not liking or trusting Moiraine for the same reason, since it reflects the cold war her and Siuan have going on with the Black Ajah (who are probably seeding doubts about the two of them even to unaffiliated sisters.) I am a big fan of the Tower schism storyline.

Liandrin deliberately weakens Logains shield when Kerene confides in her that she’s discovered the Black Ajah is real so that he’ll kill her-my favorite change by far. It has it all. Liandrin being evil? Check. A black sister dispatching anyone who figures out what they’re up to? Check. A memorable way to introduce the concept of the Black Ajah and the ways that they’re subtlety undermining the Tower? Check. The Black Ajah plot line is one of my absolute favorites. I am very excited for this and sincerely hope it’s real.

No Elyas-imo an improvement. Given how scared Perrin is of the wolf brother thing, I think it’s much more fitting for him to have these changes without some mentor character to explain it to him. Especially if he still meets the guy with the same affliction who lost his humanity. If he just starts meeting Hopper in his dreams and have all of those physical changes, and then meets a guy with the same eyes who thinks he’s a wolf, that’s scary af.

Mat disappears after episode 6-apparently they say it’s because of his illness from the dagger. I understand it because of what happened with Barney Harris, but it’s unfortunate.

Ishamael tricks Rand into opening one of the seals on the Dark Ones prison at the Eye of the World, releasing the Foresaken-mixed feelings. The Eye of the World scene wasn’t really workable as is; it seemed almost like the climax of a stand-alone book. I get this because Jordan didn’t know at the time he would end up with a 15 book series, but now we know we’re getting multiple seasons of this show so the finale should be modified to reflect this. That said, I feel kind of eh about what should be a wild rumor in universe about the Dragon Reborn freeing the Forsaken being true. That said I do love them as villains and look forward to seeing them. Also no Green Man. Totally get it; that would be expensive to portray without any real payoff.

[marshmallow-phd]

Book of the Dead

Genre: The Mummy AU

Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader

Summary: After traveling to the fabled city of Hamunaptra, you read from the Book of the Dead and accidentally resurrect an ancient mummy with extraordinary powers and quest for revenge. The only thing to do now is try and convince your less-than-traditional guide to help you save the world. 

Part 1 I Part 2

**

“I just said a few sentences!”

“What did you do that for!”

“Well, I didn’t know that that would happen!”

You stared at the aggravating, self-absorbed, cocky Korean soldier and wondered why on earth you had decided to negotiate for this man’s life. 

Alright, you did know why. You needed him to show you to Hamunuptra - the fabled City of the Dead. 

Too many times you had stood in front of the museum curator with pages and pages of references and evidence that the place existed and just needed a small team of archeologists in order to track it down. He’d shot you down every time. And each time he took the liberty of reminding you that while your father was an exceptional explorer who had many successes under his belt, you were a woman whose life had been spent between the shelves, cataloging. Your adventures consisted of the fictional kind, devouring any novel you could when you weren’t archiving the latest crate of artifacts and texts. 

Then your cousin showed up. Your normally useless, hare-brained, erratic, drunkard cousin showed up at your apartment with a “fun new artifact” he found on his latest trip. And suddenly your luck had completely turned around. 

Or so you thought. 

Now you were standing in the middle of Hamunaptra, feet sinking into the unstable sand, with an empty sarcophagus and everyone blaming you because you did what you did best - read.

It was only a book. Albeit, a very heavy, possibly-made-of-painted-solid-gold book that was written in the dead language of ancient Egypt, but still. What harm had ever come from reading a book?

Kim Junmyeon stared at you as if you were the one who had risen from the dead. You were still stunned at how different he looked from when you had first met him in that smelly prison, minutes away from being hanged. His hair had been long and stringy, clumps of dirt clinging to the dark brown strands that brushed his shoulders. Now it was shorter, cut above his ears and gelled back in the current style that almost made him look like a gentleman. The several days’ stubble was long gone to reveal smooth skin and a sharp jawline. He was actually very handsome - when he was cleaned up. 

Stupid, you hissed at yourself. Now was not the time for this. Because right now there seemed to be a reanimated mummy running around here. And by the looks of Barney’s husk of a body lying deep within the temple underground, it was hungry. 

As it should be, given the three thousand years it spent locked up under piles of sand. 

“Really, you should have been more careful!” your cousin, Baekhyun, scolded. 

You scoffed. “You’re one to talk. You were the one who snatched the key off of Mr. Kim here at one of your seedy bars and then proceeded to lie to me and say that you found it on a dig in Thebes which in turn brought us here!”

Baekhyun opened and closed his mouth as he searched for a possible retort. 

“I think this is more your fault,” Kim Junmyeon’s own cousin and traveling partner, Oh Sehun, said. “You told us to go down a level and dig under the statue, which in turn,” he mocked your tone almost precisely, “caused the mummy to be able to get out of his sarcophagus. If we had dug somewhere else entirely, then he’d still be trapped under the statue of Anubis.”

“Despite the fact that it was two layers deep, nothing would have been able to hold a victim of the Hom-Dai.”

“Would have given poor Barney a chance,” Kim Junmyeon muttered under his breath. You shot him a glare that he hardly noticed. 

“I say that we get out of here and to the safety of the city before the mummy finds us.” Oh Sehun swallowed thickly. “Or worse. The beetles find us.” The supposedly brave soldier who had two pistols hanging under each arm was more terrified of the flesh eating bugs than he was the living mummy that was bringing about the ten plagues of Egypt. You’d already lived through the locust infestation, but that was always the most minor of the plagues. In your opinion. 

“We told you to leave,” Ardeth said in that low, monotone voice that made him seem centuries old. You had only known him for a few hours, but you already feared and respected him. Despite the fact that he had attacked your campsite the night before. “Now you have condemned the whole world to the very monster that we have spent three thousand years keeping hidden.”

Kim Junmyeon finally tore his face away from yours. “I told you. I shot him. He went down.”

“Mortal weapons are useless against this creature. None can kill him.” Stepping up, he stood toe to toe with the soldier who led you here. “A gun is nothing more than a fly to him. He will never eat. He will never sleep. And he will never stop. Not until this world is only sand.”

Though still not completely backing down, Kim Junmyeon took hold of your arm. “Come on. We’re going back to Cairo.”

**

The camel ride back to the city was long, tiring, and a bit painful, if you were honest. The inside of your thighs were sore from keeping you up right on the animal’s back for hours on end under the blazing heat. You were used to the comfortable back seat of a car, even if the roads here tended to be on the bumpier side. Kim Junmyeon stayed at your side the entire time, up until you were back in your hotel room. All your things were still in there. That was nice, even if it was to be expected. The desk clerk had sworn he would keep the room reserved for you until you made it back. And now that you had, you were on to the next fight. 

“We’re not going anywhere!” 

Kim Junmyeon pretended not to hear you as he started emptying the dresser drawers of your clothes and stuffing them in your suitcases lying open on the bed.

“Excuse me! I said we’re not going anywhere!” As soon as he stepped away again, you slammed the suitcase shut. A stray white cat that you didn’t have the heart to remove from your room took advantage of the newly available space and laid down on the surface of the luggage. Unbothered by the argument taking place in its presences, it purred as it curled into a ball and closed its eyes. 

“You keep using the word ‘we’ and I’m not sure why,” he said. “I believe you were the one who woke him up in the first place.”

“Yes, I get it!” you shouted. “Everyone can blame me because I read the damn book, but that is why we need to stop him.”

He closed the empty drawer and turned back around to face you. “And how exactly do you plan on doing that? You heard Ardeth. No mortal weapon can kill this guy.”

“That’s why we’re going to find some immortal ones.”

He pulled a pair of rounded glasses from his pocket, wiped the lenses with his shirt, and stuck them on the bridge of his nose. “There goes that ‘we’ business again.”

You huffed, trying not to focus on the newest version of the soldier now being presented in front of you. “Yes, we. Because this curse will continue to get worse until the whole world is destroyed.”

“And that’s my problem?”

“It is everybody’s problem! You live here, too!”

Kim Junmyeon stepped up until he was mere inches away. “Listen. I appreciate you saving my life and all, but when I agreed to this idiotic mission my objective was to show you the way and then bring you back here. I have done that. End of job. End of story. Contract terminated.”

You tried not to show how his last few words affected you. Though you had been a little intoxicated two nights ago, you still very much remembered how sweet he had been, how he had listened to you go on and on about your parents and how much you wanted to be a famous adventurer like your father. And how you almost kissed him. And how he was going to kiss you back. Stupidly, you had thought that there was something growing between you. Apparently, you had been wrong. 

“Is that all I am to you?” you whispered. “A contract?”

Kim Junmyeon blew out haughtily from his nose. His Adam’s Apple bobbed as he swallowed. He opened his mouth and then closed it. You waited in hopes that he would contradict you. That he would say, no that was not all you were to him. And it really seemed like he would be saying something along those lines. But other words came out instead. 

“Look. You can either come with me or you can try and stay here and save the world. So. What’s it going to be?”

You didn’t even hesitate. “I’m staying.”

“Fine.” He headed for the door. 

“Fine,” you bit back, following him. 

“Fine,” he threw at you again as he barely glanced over his shoulder.

“Fine!”

“Fine!” 

He got the last word in before slamming the door to your room shut. 

You huffed as you crossed your arms. Yet, as angry as you were, you still hoped that he would come back. That he wouldn’t let you take this on alone. But the footsteps on the other faded away and you were alone.

Looking around your room, you didn’t think there was much you could do. So, you did what you were best at. You grabbed all the books you thought could help you and got to reading. 

While sitting in the wicker chair in the corner, you skipped around the books and pages, clinging on to any small word that you thought could lead you to a possible solution. There wasn’t much to be found, unfortunately. Most works spoke of how to perform the Hom-Dai and how it should never be performed due to the curse that awaits should the victim ever be awakened. You already knew that. You needed specifics on what to do after the victim came back. 

“(Y/n)!”

Kim Junmyeon came bursting back into your room. You slammed the book in your hands closed, feeling very high and mighty indeed.

“Ah. Mr. Kim. Have you changed your mind?”

“Doesn’t matter now, he’s here!”

“What!”

He didn’t clarify as he hoisted you up out of the chair and pulled you out of the room, and into the hall. Through the windows, you watched in horror as fire fell from the heavens. The balls of flame engulfed anything it touched when it landed, whether it be plant or human life. Turning a corner, Kim Junmyeon ran into a room you knew was occupied by another one of the Americans that you had ran into on your way to Hamunaptra. You gasped. 

In the chair, now nothing more than dried, husky skin and hollow bones was… oh, dear you couldn’t remember his name. You hadn’t bothered to learn them. You and Baekhyun had simply referred to them as the “Bloody Americans”. You were feeling a bit awful about that at the moment. 

But you didn’t have much time to dwell on that. Standing in front of the fireplace was a new version of the mummy. His skin was starting to come together, though patches were still missing, allowing you to see the gray bone and lack of organs underneath. Kim Junmyeon pulled out both of his guns as the mummy stalked forward. 

“We are in deep trouble,” he murmured before opening fire. The loud pops banged on your poor eardrums. You stumbled back a few steps to try and soften their blows. It didn’t work. 

The bullets passed through the mummy as if they didn’t exist at all. Even when Oh Sehun and the other Americans came running into the room and firing off their own guns, the mummy still kept going. He shoved Kim Junmyeon back into the others as if he were nothing more than old wrappings. Then he turned on you. 

Completely unarmed, you stumbled back until you were betrayed by the bookshelf behind you. There was nowhere to run. Instead of sucking out your liver, however, he spoke. 

“You were the one who saved me from the afterlife.” His words were haunting, echoing as if he was speaking in a cavern. And the language he spoke… ancient Egyptian. You weren’t sure why you expected to speak anything else. Coming in closer, he lowered his voice. “I thank you.” 

He leaned in his head, those very human eyes lowering to your lips. You turned your head away to try and avoid the kiss, confused as to why he was trying to seduce you. 

Sharp, unpleasing notes from the piano pierced through the air. The mummy turned and gasped when he saw the white cat from your room walking across the keys. In a whirl of sand, he fled from the room. 

“Oh, thank god,” you said with a heavy breath.

“No kidding,” Kim Junmyeon groaned as he sat up. 

You ran to his side, fearful that he might have been injured. “Are you alright, Mr. Kim?”

“Yes,” he huffed. With a very odd expression, he added, “And I told you to call me Junmyeon.”

To be honest, after your fight, you didn’t think you would be allowed to anymore. A strange silence settled between you. He was trying to say something with his gaze, but you couldn’t interpret it. So, instead, you helped him to his feet. “Come on. I know who we need to talk to about all of this.”

It took a while to get back to the museum that had employed you for the past year or so. Every street was full of panicking people. Flames no longer fell from the heavens, but little fires still raged on homes and carts. The Americans had declared that they were coming along, so your group was slower in moving. Although you didn’t really want the mummy bait to be anywhere near you, Junmyeon and Sehun decided that it would be better to keep an eye on them and - hopefully - keep them out of the mummy’s grasp. 

“Dr. Bey!” You ran into the museum’s main storage room, happy when you saw the curator. But then you skidded to a stop at the sight that he wasn’t alone. 

Ardeth was talking with him in hushed tones that stopped the second you appeared. Both men turned towards you, the curator wearing a very readable expression. It was one that stunk of “I told you so”. The others were only a few steps behind. As soon they, too, saw the unexpected visitor, Junmyeon, Sehun, and the Americans pulled out their guns while Baekhyun simply squeaked in surprise. 

“Gentlemen,” Dr. Bey greeted as if this were any old meeting on a Tuesday. 

“What is he doing here?” Junmyeon demanded. Even with the black tattoos etched under Ardeth’s eyes, you could tell that he was tired, dark circles from lack of sleep bruising his skin. 

Dr. Bey raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you want to know? Or perhaps you would prefer to just shoot us?”

“Either sounds good.” Junmyeon cocked back the hammer of one of his guns for emphasis. 

“Stop it,” you hissed. “Bullets won’t do any good here. Besides, you might damage some of the artifacts.”

Junmyeon failed to suppress a laugh over your concern. Despite the present danger, you still didn’t want to see the carriages or sacred jars damaged because someone got trigger happy. So, Junmyeon holstered his guns and the others soon followed suit. “All right. I’ll give a little faith.”

Dr. Bey motioned for the group to follow him in deeper. “We’re part of a secret society-”

“Aren’t they all?” Baekhyun muttered. Both you and Dr. Bey shot him glares that made him snap his mouth shut. 

“For over three thousand years, we have guarded the City of the Dead. Once we reach manhood, we swear an oath to do anything and everything in our power to stop the high priest Imhotep from rising from the grave.”

“And now we have failed. Thanks to you.” Ardeth gave you a particularly pointed look. 

By now, you were getting very irritated with the constant finger pointing. What was done was done. You were not going to show him any cowardice. “And that justifies the murder of innocent people?” 

“Hm. To stop this creature?” Dr. Bey pretended to think for a moment. “Yes.”

Junmyeon, untroubled by that, raised his hand from the golden seat of a dead royal that he had taken over. “I have a question. Why doesn’t he seem to like cats?”

“Cats are the guardians of the underworld. He will fear them until he reaches full regeneration.”

“Then there will be nothing that he fears.” Worry was very much apparent in the soldier’s voice.

“And you know how he gets regenerated?” one of the Americans asked rhetorically. 

The other one finished. “By tracking those of us down who opened the chest and sucking us dry like a nomad in the desert, that’s how!”

It was completely pointless to go over the things that were already known. Now was the time to try and piece the unused parts together. Two particular moments were sticking out in your head. 

“Back in Hamunaptra, the priest - Imhotep - he called me Ack-Su-Namun. And then just now at the hotel, he….” You cringed at the memory, thankful that you didn’t have to feel the decomposed skin against your own. “He tried to kiss me.”

“It’s because of Anck-Su-Namun and his love for her that he was cursed,” Dr. Bey explained, exchanging a look with Ardeth. “Even after all this time….”

“He’s still in love with her?” Sehun finished with a scoff. 

You appreciated the backstory, however - “As romantic as that is, what does that have to do with me?”

“Perhaps he will try to raise her from the dead once again?” Ardeth guessed. 

“Yes,” Dr. Bey agreed solemnly. “And it would seem that he has already chosen his human sacrifice.”

All eyes in the room turned to you. Wonderful. 

Not only were you the one who read from the book and raised him, but you would also be responsible for the return of his beloved, who was the reason he was cursed in the first place. Absolutely beautiful. 

Baekhuyn came up behind you and patted your shoulder. “That is some rotten luck, dear cousin.”

“Actually, this could work in our favor,” Dr. Bey countered. “It could give us time that we desperately need to kill the creature.”

“We’ll need every second, I think,” Sehun said. He pointed towards the ceiling. “I think he’s getting stronger.”

Through the large window high up on the wall, the sun was in clear view. You all watched in horror as the moon moved too quickly across the sky and blocked the light from reaching Earth. 

“I’m guessing this is the plague of darkness?” Baekhyun said ominously. You nodded slowly. 

“Let’s go,” Junmyeon said softly beside you, his hand coming up protectively behind your back. “We’ve got to get back to the hotel and come up with a plan.”

**

“I’m just saying, it seems very stupid to comdem someone to a curse when the result of that would be for them to come back a supernatural creature who is practically unkillable.”

“The ancient Egyptians believed in balance,” you explained to Baekhyun for the hundredth time in your life. “To curse someone so badly in both this life and the next, there has to be a consequence to balance out the scales. If not, then the whole world could still fall apart, in even worse ways!”

“All of this is kind of pointless now, isn’t it?” Sehun sighed from the small table in the antechamber to your room. His feet were up on the polished surface as he leaned back in his seat. A look of irritation was etched on his face as he stared at your cousin. “What’s done is done. Right now, we need to focus on our next step.”

“Well, I know you two,” you pointed to the Americans, “opened the chest. As well as Barney. Was there anyone else?”

“The Egyptologist that was with us,” the shaggier one answered. “Professor Chamberlain. He has a temporary residence a few blocks over.”

“What about my best friend Beni?” Junmyeon asked. You nearly snorted. You knew the two of them were anything but friends.

“No. He ran out before we took the lid off. Ended up saving his own skin.”

“Sounds like Beni,” Junmyeon said dryly. “Okay. We’re going to go get the Professor. You four,” he pointed to all the men, “come with me. You, stay here.”

Oh, no you weren’t. “Excuse me! I am just as capable as any of them are. I will not- What do you think you’re doing!”

Junmyeon marched over to you, picked you up, and carried you over his shoulder until you were in your room. Then he dropped you on the floor, closed the door, and locked it tight. “This door doesn’t open.”

You didn’t know who he said it to, who he left in charge of watching you like an infant. It didn’t matter. You pounded your fist against the solid wood door. “Baekhyun! Junmyeon! Let me out! Baekhyun, you coward! Help me out here!”

“Sorry, cousin!” Baekhyun yelled on the other side of the door. “But… he’s got a gun.”

“Smart choice,” you heard Junmyeon say. Oh, you were going to kill him. Which “him” was yet to be decided. Perhaps both would be most satisfactory. 

Well, now you were stuck here. 

Crossing your arms, you sat on the edge of the bed and contemplated your choices. Not that you had many. 

A yawn forced its way out. You were tired. Over the past few days, you had hardly been able to get any real sleep. And, well, now seemed to be a time. So, you changed into your nightgown and slipped under the covers. The mattress was soft, like a cloud. The pillows were stuffed into freshly cleaned cotton cases. It was barely a few minutes before you drifted off…

And then abruptly woke up to something moving against your mouth. It started out soft but quickly turned ashen and tough. Your eyes flew open and you screamed, the sound muffled by the kiss of Imhotep!

You tried to shove him off, but he didn’t budge. Your touch meant nothing to him as he continued the unwanted kiss. 

The door to your room burst open, finally taking his attention and allowing your scream to be heard at full volume. Imhotep’s face was half rotten away, his lips completely gone, the cheeks held together by thin strips of jerky-like skin. You scrambled out of reach, to try and get as far away as the tiny room would allow. The movement caused you to fall out of the bed and land hard on the wood floor.

Standing up, Imhotep said something in ancient Egyptian, but your jumbled, still half-asleep brain couldn’t translate it. 

“Oh, really?” Junmyeon mocked. “Here’s my answer.” He held up the poor cat who had saved you earlier, the animal hissing threateningly at the mummy. Just like last time, Imhotep fled in a tornado of sand out the window, terrified of the innocent creature. 

“Are you alright?” Junmyeon asked as he let the cat fall from his hands. The cat landed gracefully on its feet and walked over to the bed with more dignity than you’d ever seen a human radiate. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Baekhyun answered. After a glare from Junmyeon, he cleared his throat. “Oh. You weren’t- that’s fine. Go… check on her.” Junmyeon did just that. 

Kneeling in front of you, he pushed away a few stray hairs that had fallen in your face. Warm, soft brown eyes searched for any sign of harm. The tips of his fingers brushed against your cheek, setting the skin on fire. Or perhaps that was just the blood rushing up to your face in slight embarrassment. This man made you… nervous in a way. He could be dastardly at times, but… also very sweet. 

Clearing your throat, you pushed yourself up to your feet. “I’m fine. A little disgusted, but I’m fine.”

A smirk and knowing gleam flashed on Junmyeon’s face as he rose. “I’m sure mine was better.”

He was referring to the lip-smash he desperately pulled before he was to be dragged to the hangman’s noose. Not exactly the best first impression. 

You snorted. “No. I wouldn’t say that.” His jaw went slack. Sehun and Baekhyun snickered behind him. “Did you find the professor?” you asked in order to change the subject. 

“Yeah. He stayed out in the sun for a little long by the time we found him.”

“What are you-” Oh. Oh. That was why Imhotep was so far along in his regeneration. He’d found another victim to suck dry. 

“And he has the Book of the Dead,” Sehun added. “According to Beni, that’s what he’s going to use to raise Anacsunmum.”

“Anck-Su-Namun,” you corrected. 

“Yeah, her.”

You rolled your eyes. Why did you even bother?

You started pacing the room, trying to figure out what would be the best next move. You couldn’t keep playing hide and seek with the cat for all eternity. There needed to be a way to end this. Before he read from the book and raised-

The book… 

The book! 

You whirled back to the others. “I have an idea!”

“Care to share?”

“The Black book has always been rumored among scholars to be able to bring people back from the dead. Something I had always thought was nonsense,” you added to yourself. “But since that part is true, that means other rumors must be as well. Such as the Gold Book being able to send a soul back to the afterlife.”

“A balance.” Baekhyun looked awfully proud of himself. At least something finally stuck. 

“Exactly. Now all we have to do is find out where it's hidden.”

Junmyeon frowned. “But I thought it was supposed to be hidden with Anubis?”

“Exactly,” you agreed. “It comes from a translation of an ancient text. A stone that’s at the museum here, actually. It also says where the Black book was supposed to be hidden. I think they got their translations mixed up. So, where the scholars who originally translated it said that the golden Book of Amun-Ra was in the statue of Anubis, it's actually wherever they said the black Book of the Dead was supposed to be.”

“And where is that?”

You swallowed. “I don’t remember. We’ll have to go to the museum so I can read it again.”

Letting out a heavy sigh, Junmyeon checked the barrels of his guns, reloaded the revolvers with bullets from his belt. “Then I guess we’re headed back to the museum. Hopefully we don’t run into Ugly Face before we get to the rock.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” you said with the utmost confidence. 

Sehun, who did not share that sentiment, looked up towards the ceiling. “Oh joy. Another book hunt.”

[tellmeourstoryy]

Not that anyone cares to know but here is a list of my favorite ships from the shows I watch

Chuck: Chuck and Sarah. My absolute favorite ship ever!! The most pure and genuine couple ever. I love them with my whole heart

Pretty Little Liars: Spencer and Toby. Love them to death. The first ship I ever cared about and they’ll always hold a special place in my heart

Friends: Ross and Rachel. Obviously there could be some better writing between the two but I’m a sucker for this will they won’t they

Gilmore Girls: Rory and Dean... I know I know but hear me out I like Rory and Dean before he got married. I wish that he would have never got married and that they found each other again later down the line and ended up together. I realize they don’t work with the actual storyline they went with

How I Met Your Mother: Ted and Robin...I know but hear me out again I also wish the storyline would have been different. I thought Robin and Barney made no sense and were absolutely toxic. I wish Barney and Robin never got married and Ted and Robin both grew and found their way back together. But I do think it was terrible for him to have a wife and then kill her off basically just to put him and Robin together but that’s just bad writing.

One Tree Hill: Lucas and Peyton. I love them a lot and did in fact stop watching the show once they left because it wasn’t the same without them.

Revenge: Daniel and Emily!!! I don’t even care if you don’t agree cause they were absolutely adorable. I think she genuinely fell in love with Daniel and should have just been friends with Jack.

The Vampire Diaries: Stefan and Elena. Again Damon and Elena were toxic. Stefan ALWAYS put Elena first and they deserved so much better.

Prison Break: Sara and Michael. I don’t even remember any other significant ships from that show but they were adorable.

Hart of Dixie: Zoe and Wade. I really love them together and loveee to see both of their character development.

White Collar: Sara and Neal. I thought they were so cute together.

Baby Daddy: Ben and Riley. Don’t get me wrong I love Danny but I think Riley goes better with Ben. I loved Ben’s character development and seeing how much he changed for the better after Riley. I really did love them and am still upset they didn’t end up together.

Parks and Recreation: Leslie and Ben. Honestly this was hard cause I like several of the ships on that show but the absolute sweetness of Leslie and Ben makes them take the cake.

Dawson’s Creek: Joey and Dawson. I know that this is probably my most unpopular opinion but oh well. I do think there should have been some better writing leading up to it and things made better with that better writing though. Honestly I was absolutely so confused and shocked when she ended up with Pacey. Might have been the most upset I’ve been about people ending up together. I mean even if she would have ended up with no one or even Eddie but I was just really upset she ended up with Pacey. Sorry not sorry.

Once Upon A Time: Hook and Emma. Absolutely adore them. They are so pure and adorable and have character development and ugh I love them so much.

The Night Shift: TC and Jordan. I really liked them so much and am upset the show was cancelled before we got to see them get back together.

New Girl: Schmidt and Cece. Also hard because I also love Nick and Jess but if I have to choose it’s Schmidt and CeCe.

Bones: Booth and Brennan. Absolutely LOVE them.

Blacklist: Ressler and Liz. Honestly conflicted about this rn cause I don’t know if she deserves him but I have always liked them together.

Stranger Things: Steve and Nancy. I loveeee Steve and could not believe she got together with Jonathan. Like did everyone forget about him taking photos of her????

The Good Place: Eleanor and Chidi. Literally so adorable love them both sooo much. They deserve the world.

Psych: Shawn and Juliet. Seriously how cute are they?? I’ll go ahead and tell you... the CUTEST.

Grey’s Anatomy: Derek and Meredith. You already know I’m team MerDer because honestly who isn’t?

Arrow: Oliver and Felicity. So prefect together love them

The Flash: Barry and Caitlin. I saw Barry and Iris as siblings especially since Barry called him dad which is why I don’t ship that also I feel like she didn’t actually start to really like him until she figured out he was the flash. And I think Barry and Caitlin are super cute and honestly thought they were gonna date way back in season 1. But I’m content with them just being friends I just wish we could see some more of that friendship because they’re adorable.

The Walking Dead: Glenn and Maggie!!!!!! Love love love love them! What’s better than falling in love during a zombie apocalypse? One of the bests ugh my heart. That ending was too sad and definitely made me quit watching the show.

A Million Little Things: Honestly I don’t know rn. I still like Katherine and Eddie but that might just be because Katherine is my fav. I just wish he would have told her about the pills right away and how he was struggling or something. I just have a hard time rooting for him because he’s put Katherine through so much. And then Rome and Regina are so adorable. And I adore Gary and like him with Maggie and Darcy and like Maggie with Gary and Jamie. So yeah I’m all over the place with this one. Honestly can’t pick a fav but felt like sharing those thoughts.

Well this has been fun and there’s more shows and couples but that’s all for now

[12-16-91-stark]

I know you don't have the time, but there are some docs that caught my attention: Lost to Me; Home for the Holidays and Me Before You.

You're fine, no worries!!!

Lost to Me is again part of 12.16 to Endgame, it's just the first part I had written for it and for some reason when I continued with a different scene i made it in a dif word doc? lol But here is another taste...

Howard entered the room slowly. The air was chilled and he had to suppress a shiver as he gently closed the door behind him, making sure that the privacy shade on the window was pulled down. The light was dim and he kept his sights on the pristine white tiles of the floor, unable to bring his eyes up to look at the slab in the center of the room. His heart pounded away like a freight train in his chest and he felt the the first droplets of sweat forming at his temple and around his collar despite the cool temperature.

He could do this. He owed it to his son. Right foot forward, then left, and repeat.

---

Home for the Holidays is an IronFamily Thanksgiving in a post-Endgame, Tony lives world <3

Peter spent Thanksgiving morning simultaneously with his face pushed to the glass looking out over the front of the apartment and running to the kitchen to help Aunt May with the food preparations. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade was on the tv in the living room, the announcer’s fawning over the new balloons and artists as they performed. Years and years ago Peter remembered when Aunt May and Uncle Ben had taken him to watch the parade and ended up scarring him when the Barney balloon impaled itself on a lamp post and came crashing down. He hadn’t gone to see the parade in person since then. Even if they did have a superhero section featuring Spiderman this year.

It was the first major holiday his mentor, kinda Dad (though he would NEVER admit that anywhere but the comfort of his own brain), would finally be able to attend since he had finally been released, after months in the hospital.

Life had been very touch and go, for Tony Stark after the battle against Thanos. When he should have been taking his final breaths, Dr. Strange had stepped in and helped save him. Peter didn’t know the exact details of what had occurred. One minute they had been on the battlefield and the next they were in South Korea with Helen Cho. Afterwards he hadn’t really cared what happened as long as it meant that his mentor had survived.

Tony lost an arm, the one that had snapped, and he probably wouldn’t ever hear properly again out of his right ear either. The severity of the scarring had been lessened but the damage to the skin ran deep due to the magical properties of the gauntlet, so part of Tony’s face would always be marred by the lightning shaped scars. (Thor had been quick to reassure how warrior like this made Tony.)

There had been a lot of tears in that waiting room but Peter mostly remembered Pepper’s calm determination in light of the uphill battle she and Tony would journey together. Limbs could be replaced with prosthetics and Stark Industries already held a medical patent on high tech hearing aids from where Tony had created them years earlier for Clint. The psychological healing and the rigorous physical therapy regimen would take longer, but it was a small price for Tony’s life.

---

Me Before You is a brief little scene based off the book/movie, just putting Pepperony in the shoes of the main characters. Tony was injured in an accident, paralyzing him from the neck down and wants to end his life. Pepper is the caretaker who accidentally falls in love with him and is determined to change his mind.

"There's got to be something that can be done, Tony. I can't just let you do this."

"It's not your choice to decide Pepper. I decided this a long time ago. I'm not getting any better and I won't get better. This is my life now. I'm an engineer who can't build. I can't walk, I can't go to the bathroom or get out of bed. I will never be able to make love to you the way you deserve. This is not a life that I want."

"So, that's it then? You're just going to give up like that? No one else gets a say?"

"It's my life, Pep."

"You are so incredibly selfish, you know that? How dare you bring me on here...make me fall in love with you and then only now tell me you want to kill yourself?"

"It's euthanasia, not suicide."

"It's suicide, Tony. Paint it up with all your medical terms and fly off to Switzerland but at the end of the day you're still choosing to die."

"It's not that simple…"

"Does Rhodey know? Or your mom? Do any of them know what you have planned?"

Tony swallowed harshly and turned his head away from Pepper, hair falling in front of his eyes, hiding the stinging tears that had appeared during their argument.

"They don't do they? When were you going to tell them? After you were dead? Send them a note through Jarvis?"

"Pep…"

"No, don't Pep me. You can't…" she began to falter, the hysterical edge in her voice turning to tears. "You can't do this to the people who love you, Tony. You can't. Please, don't do this."

Tony watched the sobs begin to wreck through her body wordlessly. He would give anything to be able to wrap his arms around her and hold her close to him. But he couldn't. He was a prisoner in his own body, couldn't she understand that?

How he wished he had met her before all of this, but he hadn't. He would never live a normal life again. Maybe she would stay with him now, and maybe she did love him now too, but eventually his condition would drive her away. She would tire of taking care of him, grow tired of not being able to do what normal couples do and then what? He couldn't bear to one day look into her eyes and see that resentment there. Better to cut it off now, to go forward with what he had planned from the minute he woke up from that accident.

"Pepper, please," he whispered through his own tears, begging her to understand.

Instead she moved from her position at the door and came to where he sat in his chair and collapsed into his lap, tears still falling. The scent of her shampoo filled his nostrils as she settled against him and he breathed her in, soaking up every breath, every tear.

"Please, don't do this," she whispered against his neck.

"I'm sorry." He leaned his head against her, stubble brushing against her cheek. "I'm so sorry Pep. You weren't supposed to love me."

She clung tighter to his neck and god how he relished being able to feel her there.

"I'm going to change your mind." Her tears had stopped and her voice was steady and resolute against his ear. He could almost believe her when she said that, but he knew that there was nothing that could be done.

"You can't."

"I will."

He just sighed and leaned against her further. He knew he would let her try. He didn't want to leave her yet, but he knew it was cruel to get her hopes up and lead her further along. It was only going to hurt her more in the end, but Tony Stark had always been a selfish bastard and he would take every moment he had left with her.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Harry Potter re-read: thoughts and ranking my favourite books

In 2020 I completed a full re-read of Harry Potter for the first time since I was a child. It was a rollercoaster experience of highs and lows; excitement, nostalgia, frustration, joy, boredom and everything in between. It took the whole year (in between reading other books) and I hit a wall in the sumer, but I’m glad I persevered and made it to the end. This series will always hold a special place in my heart and as much as I love the movies, there’s so much detail that is missed from them. I didn’t realise just how much my memories of the HP universe had been shaped by the movies until I read the books. I feel like I’ve reconnected with the universe and characters in an authentic way and lots of my opinions have changed as a result. 

Before we get to the ranking, some disclaimers:

If it wasn’t already obvious SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE HARRY POTTER SERIES (at this point I’d be surprised if there’s anybody that needs this warning, but better safe than sorry!).

This ranking is completely subjective and very changable. I love all of the books and I’ve based the ranking solely on my enjoyment of reading them. 

In writing this post I am in no way supporting or endorsing J.K. Rowling’s works. Her ignorance and hatred is intolerable and abhorrent. I discuss this more in the conclusion of this post.

None of the images or gifs featured were made by me, all credit goes to the creators.

7. The Goblet of Fire

One of my favourite movies, but my least favourite book. This one hasn’t aged well for me. It’s too long, there’s much too filler and it has the disadvantage of coming after The Prisoner of Azkaban. I like the idea of the Triwizard Tournament in theory, but the execution is dull. We spend chapters upon chapters upon chapters with Harry and Hermione researching and preparing for the tasks and the tasks themselves are very anti-climatic. It’s also difficult to ignore the fact that the second and third tasks take part underwater and in a maze, and the audience can’t even see what’s going on. Apparently there’s no spell that can allow the audience to see underwater or inside a maze, not even those Muggle inventions called cameras *face palm*

The sub-plot with S.P.E.W was equally dull and didn’t add much to the story. I also found it deeply uncomfortable and upsetting to read about the enslavement of elves and the way that slavery was portrayed in general. The one positive I took from it was seeing Dobby with his crazy jumpers and socks. Dobby is The Best.

(credit to xbirdyblue on DeviantArt for this wonderful fanart image of Dobby)

The reactions to Harry’s name coming out of the Goblet of Fire is what infuriated me most in this book because it doesn’t even make sense. Firstly, does anybody really believe Harry’s capable of overcoming such powerful magic to put his name in? Secondly, why the fudging hell would Harry want to put his name in the Goblet? He’s a 14 year old child who has endured endless trauma; he’s spent most of his life living in an abusive household and the 3 years he’d been at Hogwarts fighting against Voldemort. He doesn’t want fame or glory, he just wants to live a normal, peaceful life and hang out with his best friends. Ron’s reaction is particularly annoying because he of all people should know Harry wouldn’t put his name in the Goblet. I understand why Ron felt that way and I love him but... 

The one thing I did enjoy about this book is the evolution of Harry’s friendships with Ron and Hermione. Hermione is fiercely loyal to Harry and devoted every waking second to helping him succeed in the tasks. Despite Ron’s silly tantrum and their divide through most of the book, their falling out really does cement Harry’s love for Ron. 

"He thought he could have coped with the rest of the school's behaviour if he could just have Ron back as his friend." 

Harry liked Hermione very much, but she just wasn't the same as Ron. There was much less laughter and a lot more hanging round in the library." 

"The thing Harry Potter will miss the most, sir!"

"Harry didn't care, he wouldn't have cared if Karkaroff had given him zero; Ron's indignation on his behalf was worth a hundred points to him." 

What can I say? Ron is Harry’s platonic soul mate. That is all.

Barty Crouch’s escape from Azkaban and transformation into Moody is more cunning and intelligent than it was in the movies - this dude switched places with his mother and left her in Azkaban in his place!! 

Fred and George were by far the highlight of this book for me. Their characters are great in the movies, but in the books they’re just--

Their antics, wit and banter are top notch. I’d actually forgotten that Harry gave his prize winnings from the Tournament to Fred and George, and it seems like such a huge injustice!! This act of kindness and selflessness on Harry’s part is largely why Fred and George are able to set up Wizard Wheezes. It’s a testament to Harry’s love for Fred and George that he gave them his winnings. Harry may not have needed the money but he could’ve done literally anything with it, and chose to give it to the twins because he believed in their ideas and wanted to give them the opportunity they needed. 

GOF was always one of my favourite movies because of this moment: 

Voldemort’s return was one of the most chilling, terrifying and shocking moments for me as a kid. The scene in the graveyard still stands out as being one of my favourite scenes from the movies. In the books, it didn’t have the same impact, unfortunately. In fact, this is what was noticeable to me all the way through reading this book - I like the movie more. The movie cuts out the filler, takes the interesting aspects of the book and does them better.

Overall, despite being at the bottom of my list, I still like GOF. It’s a huge step up in world-building and is an entertaining book with a great premise;  I loved the Golden Trio’s friendship, the appearances from Dobby and Fred and George’s antics. Unfortunately, this book is let down by the sheer amount of filler, the underwhelming execution of the main plot and too much focus on sub-plots like S.P.E.W.

6. The Sorcerer’s Philosopher’s Stone 

It was really difficult to rank Phliosopher’s Stone, because it holds a special place in my heart because it’s where the series began. This book does a great job at introducing Hogwarts and it captures those nostalgic, magical Hogwarts vibes unlike any of the other books. This book is all about the wonder and the joy of Hogwarts, and Hogwarts lives in my heart, so stepping into this magical world with Harry for the first time again was a joy to read.  

I love the time spent in this book on experiencing the smaller wonders of the magical world with Harry - Platform 9 3/4, Hogwarts Express, Diagon Alley, Ollivanders, the Sorting Hat, Great Hall feasts, ghosts etc. It’s exciting and fun to read about, and truly a gem of a book for children.

Seeing Harry go from living in a cupboard and suffering abuse and neglect to an incredible world full of wonder and people who want to get to know him and show him kindness was a joy to read. I love the development of Harry, Ron and Hermione’s friendship and how, despite how short the book is, it’s developed properly. Their friendship with Hermione doesn’t happen overnight, but by the end there’s a genuine bond and trust between them. 

But of course, as the first book in the series, the plot is lacking and the writing isn’t at its strongest. Also, despite how short it is I did feel a little bored reading the second half. It’s a great entry to the series and does a wonderful job at establishing the world, main trio and other characters, but in the grander scheme of the series it’s quite bland a forgettable. 

5. The Deathly Hallows

Now this one came as a big surprise to me, because before my re-read I considered The Deathly Hallows to be my favourite book, but I just didn’t enjoy it this time around. The first 50-60% of this book got me like: 

I was bored as hell. The travelling, the hunting for Horcruxes, Dumbledore’s backstory, the bickering between Harry, Ron and Hermione...it was tiresome. Fortunately, amongst that there were a lot of isolated things that I enjoyed. 

Firstly, I adore the Tale of the Three Brothers, it’s interesting and I love the depiction of it in the movies - it’s just so cool!

Secondly, Ron and Hermione are very cute in this book, and for the first time I  appreciated them as a romantic ship. 

Thirdly, Harry looking through Sirius’ room and finding a letter from Lily broke my heart. This moment is so touching and completely unexpected, since I’d forgotten about it over the years. 

(credit to alessiatrunifo for this stunning fanart)

Fourthly, LUNA LOVEGOOD. You know what? I have no qualms in saying Luna is one of my new favourite characters since my re-read. I always liked her, but she never stood out to me, and that’s changed. It’s not just that she’s unique and wacky, but that she’s fiercely independent, moral, kind and loyal. Luna has such a strong sense of who she is and she doesn’t let anyone or anything contradict that. 

Can I also admit that I might slightly ship Harry and Luna now? 🙊 Luna seeing through Harry’s disguise as “Barney Weasley” based on his facial expressions alone and their reactions to the possibility of the other being in danger touched my heart. 

"'She will [survive],' said Harry. He could not bear to contemplate the alternative. 'She's tough Luna, much tougher than you'd think. She's probably teaching all the inmates about Wrackspurts and Nargles.'" 

"Oh, no, I didn't want you to be caught!" 

They’re cute, okay?

Finally, Kreacher! This was perhaps one of the biggest surprises from reading this book, because I’d completely forgotten about Kreacher’s story. And boy, oh, boy did this pull on my heartstrings. Kreacher has one of the most tragic backstories in the HP universe and he absolutely deserves the redemption he got in this book. I loved seeing him develop a genine relationship with Harry, Ron and Hermione, and the fact that they never went back for him made me so sad. Poor Kreacher!

I enjoyed all of these elements of the first half of the book, and then I got to The Sacking of Severus Snape and it was like:

This is where the book finally took off for me (unfortunately, it took 30 chapters to get there) and as soon as Harry, Ron and Hermione are back in Hogwarts I couldn’t put it down. There are so many brilliant moments and things I loved that all I can really do is bullet point them:

The character reunions.

Percy finally redeeming himself!!!!

McGonnagal being the most badass to ever badass.

Neville Longbottom owns my heart ❤❤❤

Neville's grandmother's response to finding out Neville was fighting in the battle - "Naturally [he is]. Excuse me, I must go and assist him." 

Ron and Hermione's first kiss!! and Harry’s reaction to it - "Is this the moment? OI! There's a war going on here!"

Percy handing in his resignation whilst Stupefy-ing his boss - "Hello, Minister! Did I mention I'm resigning?"

The Forest Again was such an emotional chapter. It got me good.

"You'll stay with me?" "Until the very end." 😭

"Harry, you wonderful boy. You brave, brave man."

"Perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those, who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well."

Did I mention that Neville is bloomin' amazing?

Kreacher!!!!!! "Fight! Fight! Fight for my master, defender of the house-elves! Fight the Dark Lord in the name of brave Regalus! Fight!"

Reading The Flaw in the Plan was soooo much more satisfying than watching it play out on-screen in the movie. 

In many ways DH has some of the best, most satisfying moments of any of the books. It’s a strong conclusion to the series and there’s so much that I loved about it; so many memorable and emotional moments (Dobby and Fred’s deaths still hit hard 20 years later). Unfortunately, it was dragged down by the first half of the book and the epilogue. I tried so hard to keep an open mind about the epilogue, but the truth is it still BLOWS. And the more time that passes the more I resent the decisions that were made about character deaths. I understand that the stakes were high and we needed to lose characters close to our hearts but Fred?? Dobby??? Remus??? NO! Just no, okay? I don’t accept that. 

4. The Order of the Phoenix

Now, The Order of the Phoenix had similar issues as DH for me - it had a very slow start but a great ending. I did take a couple of months break in the middle of reading this one and distinctly remember slogging my way through the first half and devouring the second half. 

I’ve made no secret over the years that Sirius and Remus are two of favourite HP characters, so I expected to enjoy OOTP a lot for that reason. I did really enjoy all the smatterings of Sirius and Remus we go throughout this book. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough for me. This book really highlighted for me how limited Harry’s POV was, because I wanted more of an insight into the Order but Harry was kept in the dark the entire time which was frustrating. 

One of the main character highlights of this book is the legend Minverva McGonnagal. Her sass, strength and determination to defend Hogwarts and its students against Dolores is astounding. Here are some of my favourite McGonnagal moments:

"Well, usually when a person shakes their head they mean 'no.'"

"Can I offer you a cough drop, Dolores?"

"I should have made my meaning plainer. [Harry] has achieved high marks in all Defence Against the Dark Arts tests set by a compotent teacher."

Defending Hagrid against Umbridge.

And of course:

(Still can’t believe the movie robbed us of this!)

Time for a less popular opinion - I loved Harry in this book. In general, this book made me feel very protective of Harry, because Harry is bloomin’ incredible and deserves so much better than what he gets in this book. He’s always had a bad rep in OOTP for being an annoying, angsty teenager, but in my opinion, this is Harry at his most relatable and lovable. After everything Harry went through, he’s entitled to be angry with the world. He endured everything that he did and took the responsibility of the world onto his shoulders with little complaint, and in OOTP he reaches breaking point. Honestly, I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. The adults in Harry’s life are glaringly irresponsible in this book. Not only do they force him back to the Dursley’s after the hugely traumatic events of GOF based on some bull about “blood magic”, but they purposefully hide the truth from him even though that puts him at greater risk and adds to his emotional distress. Everyone around Harry expects him to be mature and act like an adult when he’s fighting against the darkest wizard of all time, yet don’t give him the courtesy or respect of telling him the truth about significant things that impact him and the people he loves. Sirius os the only person that refuses to belittle Harry, but in some ways, his behaviour is just as damaging as those that tried to shelter Harry from the truth, because he expects too much of Harry and projects James’ personality onto him. The adults around Harry fail him to such an extent in this book that he establishes the DA because he can’t even rely on the adults around him to keep him and his friends safe. Harry’s emotions in this book aren’t only understandable, but justified and I felt an even deeper connection to him as a result. His vulnerability shows his strength and courage more than ever before. This is the point where he goes from the Chosen One to a true champion, because even when he reaches rock bottom and wants to give up, he doesn’t walk away. I love Harry so much.

The Department of Mysteries is by far one of my favourite sections from any of the books. I love the friendship dynamics, Luna, Neville and Ginny are given the chance to really shine, the stakes are high, the action is great and despite the trauma of Sirius’ death, that moment is so hard-hitting and memorable. This section of the book just took it to a new level for me. It was really great.

The emotion of Sirius’ death was captured so perfectly, and is such a huge turning point for Harry. Like I said above, choosing to go on even after losing Sirius proves that Harry is a true hero; that he isn’t just doing what he was doing out of obligation or has been told to but because he believes in doing the right thing. I best move on before I continue to speak about how amazing Harry James Potter is.

Now we come to Neville. Can you believe that I’d actually forgot the details of Neville being the Chosen One? It was a blast learning about that again and how he’s connected to the prophecy. I also loved that we got to see his family and not just be told about it via dialogue. Neville is by far one of the most loveable and interesting minor characters in the series. He has so many great moments in books 1-4, but he really shines in OOTP.

The more I write about this book, the more I find things to love. It’s just a shame that the first half lets it down, because overall, I think there’s a lot of great material here in terms of plot and character development.

3. The Chamber of Secrets

I know that The Chamber of Secrets is generally ranked low amongst most fans, but I love it. At this point, the books were more simplistic and just fun, and I like that. I also have to acknowledge that I have a deep affinity for the COS movie - I grew up watching it over and over, and of all the movies it’s still the one I know best and always come back to (still can’t believe the “Why couldn’t it be follow the butterflies line?” wasn’t even in the books!)

I love all of the different elements in this book:

Dobby

The Burrow

The flying car

Whomping Willow

Moaning Myrtle 

This idiot

Gilderoy Lockhart is one of my favourite antagonists in the entire series, because he isn’t intentionally bad, he’s just an arrogant fool. His primary concern is his image and reputation and he was willing to go to any lengths to maintain it. He’s a bad person in a subtle and hilarious way. 

Generally speaking, there are too many fun and entertaining moments to count in this book. I love the childish-ness of this book in comparison to the darker tone the series adopts from POA onwards. For me, COS still has the silliness and merriment that I really associate HP with. Entertainment value aside, the plot in COS is actually well executed.

As a short, concise and effective plot, Tom Riddle’s diary and the Chamber of Secrets works incredibly well. I liked the mystery and suspense of the culprit of the Muggle born attacks, and the big moments connected to it - finding out that Hagrid might be the perpetrator, Ginny being possessed by Voldemort, Hermione being petrified, Harry speaking Parceltongue. The stakes are high and this plot is strong enough to keep momentum going between the more light hearted moments.

Overall, COS is a quick, easy and fun read. It may not be the best written or complex book in the series, but I’m a huge advocate for it. Not only is it highly entertaining, but it also introduced a lot of great and important aspects to the series (Horcruxes, Tom Riddle being the heir of Slytherin, Harry being connected to Voldemort, polyjuice potion and Dobby), and built very well on what was established in PS. 

2. The Half Blood Prince

The biggest surprise of this re-read was how much I bloomin’ loved Half Blood Prince. It has the perfect balance of plot, character development, mystery, humour and emotion. Out of the bigger books in the series, this was the one I finished the fastest (2 days), because it was quite literally un-put-downable (yes, that’s a word). 

First, let’s talk about the plot, because wow, it’s a good ‘un. In my opinion, it’s the strongest and best written plot from any of the books. There’s Voldemort’s backstory, the development of Harry and Dumbledore’s relationship, Snape’s backstory, the mystery of the Half Blood Prince, Harry’s rivalry/suspicion of Malfoy, hunting Horcruxes and Dumbledore’s death. This book feels like an incredible pay-off for things that have been built up in the previous 5 books. We learn so much about certain characters - Dumbledore, Snape, Malfoy, Voldemort, Ginny - and regardless of whether I liked those characters or not, I was invested. The clues that Snape is the Half Blood Prince are cleverly interwoven within the narrative and the mystery keeps you guessing, even when you know who it is. 

The last part of this book from Chapter 26 onwards was just explosive. Although I knew what was coming, I was surprised at the level of emotion I felt when Dumbledore and Harry were in the cave and when Dumbledore died. My heart was racing and I had tears in my eyes. 

This book just doesn’t let up for a second. If we aren’t learning more about Voldemort, we’re following Draco to see what he’s up to or unravelling mysteries around the Half Blood Prince or trying to get information from Slughorn about horcruxes. Even the down time is enjoyable to read in this book (Chapter 9 was one of my favourite chapters to read) and the friendships and banter are stellar. 

In terms of character development, this is also one of the strongest books. Dumbledore is finally developed beyond the omnipotent Gandalf-esque archetype and we learn bout his past and his flaws.

"I have already proven to you, I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, being - forgive me - rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger." 

The focus on Dumbledore also sets it up for his death, and you know what? It works. If we’d lost Dumbledore prior to HBP, I would’ve been shocked and upset, but losing him at this point hurts that much more because we learn so much more about him, see how important he is to Harry and how vital his guidance is in defeating Voldemort. Dumbledore’s death feels like all hope is lost, and so soon after losing Sirius it feels even harsher.

Insight into Snape’s back-story finally explains some of his motivations and actions (though it does not condone them).

Although Voldemort’s backstory doesn’t necessarily add to our understanding of him, it’s interesting to see how he came into the world, and learn about his family background. What this demonstrated most to me is that a lot of the time there is no reason for evil. Voldemort didn’t really have any motivations for what he did. Sure, he didn’t have the perfect, happy childhood but there isn’t really enough substance there to try to explain how or why he became the monster that he did. 

More could’ve been done with Malfoy, but I enjoyed him having a bigger presence in this book and how the idea that family shapes who we are isn’t always true. Draco does what is expected of him from his family, but ultimately, he has his own conscience and inner turmoil that forces him to question things.

As for Harry...he goes to a dark place in this book. OOTP has always been cpnsidered as the “angsty Harry”, but HBP takes Harry to new places. Harry feels more ruthless, reckless and determined in this book than any other. There’s an underlying sense of apathy that lingers from Sirius’ death. He obsesses about his mission to extract the memory from Slughorn and his lessons with Dumbledore, and fixates on his hatred for Draco and Snape. The fact that Harry uses Sectumsempra on Draco is honestly the most alarming thing that Harry does because it shows how dark a place Harry has gone to. He knows the spell is going to inflict serious harm and yet he uses it anyway. 

Generally, Harry abuses the potions book and manipulates, lies and takes advantage of almost everyone around him. I really see his dependency on that book and his choice to exploit it for his own benefit as adverse effects of the grief and trauma he endured. For once, he has the upper hand and I’d even argue that despite the Half Blood Prince being anonymous stranger to him, he relies on him as a mentor or parental figure. Yet despite it being a dark book for Harry, he also seems to get some genuine peace with Ginny. Although I’m not a Hinny shipper, it was so nice to see Harry experience some normality and contentment. No matter what he goes through, he remains kind hearted. I actually feel like this book more than any other emphasises that point - Harry could just as easily have gone down the same path as Vodlemort, but he made a choice not to.

“In spite of all the temptation you have endured, all the suffering, you remain pure of heart, just as pure as you were at the age of eleven, when you stared into a mirror that reflected your hears desire and it showed you the only way to thwart Lord Voldement, and not immortality or riches. Harry, have you any idea how few wizards could have seen what you saw in the mirror?" 

Plot and character development aside, the comedy in this book is gold and I appreciate the movie (and Daniel Radcliffe) for maximising on that to create some of the best and funniest scenes in the movie franchise. Chapter 18 in particular was hilarious.

Now I have to speak about one of my favourite moments from this book:

Since GoF, Fleur was grossly mistreated and discriminated against by the Weasley’s (Molly and Ginny in particular). The way they treated her was sexist and xenophobic pure and simple. They had no reason to dislike her and all of their reasons seemed to be built on some flimsy notion that she was full of herself (why, just because she was beautiful? and even if she was, what’s wrong with confidence?!) and that she was annoying and loud because she was French. Seeing Fleur finally stand up to their bigotry was fantastic. It’s a moment I’d been waiting for for so long and I’m so glad we got it, because frankly, Molly and Ginny’s beahviour towards Fleur needed to be addressed because it was disgusting.

Overall, HBP demonstrates the strengths of HP as a series. In comparison to the other books, I don’t really have anything to crituqe I enjoyed all of it from beginning to end, which is why it almost took the top spot in this ranking.

1. The Prisoner of Azkaban

It was really close between first and second place, but Prisoner of Azkaban just managed it. This is where the HP series truly takes off and starts to shine. In comparison to what we got in PS and COS it’s richer - the plot is complex, the world building is more developed, the characters are great and it’s generally an entertaining read but with added complexity in comparison to its predecessors.

I like that POA allows us to spend so much time in Hogwarts hanging out, but that the plot comes to the forefront more. We’re all so familiar with HP at this point that it’s easy to forget the impact the plot-twists must’ve punched the first time we read them. But for me, it’d been so long since I’d read the series, that it really was like reading them for the first time and POA was one of the ones that surprised me at various points.

I’d forgot details like:

The Shrieking Shack got its name and reputation because Lupin locked himself up there during transformations; The Whomping Willow was planted to hide the secret passage to the Shrieking Shack and prevent Lupin from escaping and hurting people in his werewolf form

Crookshanks was Sirius’ ally

Sirius escaped Azkaban in his dog form

Unsurprisingly, Remus and Sirius were the highlight of this book for me. I know it’s basic but I really love them and the two of them having such a focus in this book really makes it.

Remus truly shines in this book. He’s a lovable character – a great teacher, a supportive mentor and a loyal friend. His tragic backstory only adds to his character. Snape tries to villainise Remus for being a werewolf, but the reality is that he’s a victim. He was an innocent child that was bitten by a vicious, cruel monster and has to live with the consequences of that for the rest of his life. He carries so much self-loathing, fear and insecurity because of what he is and he doesn’t deserve it. Dumbledore is the only one that separates the man from the wolf and takes Remus on his merits. He knows that Remus is a genuinely good person and a talented teacher, and he’s willing to make the necessary adjustments to enable Remus equal opportunity. Not only does it benefit Remus for Dumbledore to do this, but the students too, because let’s face it, Remus is a bloody damn good teacher.

Remus is arguably the most decent and responsible adult character in the entire HP universe. He respects Harry’s agency but also acknowledges that he’s still a child that needs protection and guidance. Instead of lying to Harry or throwing him into dangerous situations, he does perhaps the most helpful thing any adult ever does for Harry – he teaches him how to defend himself. I love that Lupin and Harry’s relationship in this book foreshadows the formation of the DA in OOTP; Lupin is the only one that teaches Harry practical DATDA skills and in the absence of Lupin as a teacher, Harry then takes on that role as a mentor and provides his friends with the skills to defend themselves. 

Now we come to Sirius. Introducing Sirius as the enemy – a dangerously, mad criminal who is conspiring with Voldemort and wants Harry dead – and then revealing him to be the complete opposite was genius. Part of me wished I could completely forget so that I could experience the utter shock of finding that out for the first time. The fact that Harry saw his parents in the Mirror of Erised in PS and then finds Sirius and Lupin in this book touches my heart. Sirius is a direct link to Harry’s parents unlike anything he’s ever had. Although on the surface, their bond develops too quickly, considering that Harry is 13 years old and all he wants more than anything is to have parents and/or a connection to his parents, his quick attachment to Sirius makes sense. The thought of living with Sirius makes Harry so happy that he used it to power his patronus!!! Likewise, Sirius clings to Harry knowing that he’s the son of his best friends. He spent the entirety of his time in Azkaban knowing Harry was still out there somewhere without James and Lily and in danger from Voldemort. Immediately, Sirius provides Harry with the type of comfort about his parents that he’s never received before.

“You think the dead we have loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don't recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Your father is alive in you, Harry, and shows himself most plainly when you have need of him. How else could you produce that particular Patronus? Prongs rode again last night.”

One of the highlights of this book is the scene where Snape catches Harry with the Marauders Map. That quote is just legendary.

"Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business. Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git. Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor. Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."

Admittedly, the time travel in this book is problematic as hell. I’m grateful that Harry and Hermione were able to save Buckbeak and Sirius due to time travel, but if it was up to me, I’d remove time travel from the universe completely. It doesn’t fit, it’s too complicated and creates too many issues. McGonnagal condones the use of time travel for Hermione to attend extra lessons and yet won’t use it to tackle real, important problems, like I don’t know, war, death, disease, disasters etc. Not to mention the entire Voldemort problem and Harry becoming the Chosen One could’ve been resolved by going back to the night of James and Lily’s deaths.

One of my favourite elements of this book was seeing Ron and Hermione’s friendship with Hagrid. A lot of emphasis is placed on Harry’s friendship with Hagrid. but this book shows how devoted Ron and Hermione are to Hagrid. They both spend a lot of their time comforting him and helping him to prepare for Buckbeak’s trial.

This book has a great balance – it’s still on the shorter side but it doesn’t suffer for it. and here’s plenty of plot and character development. Ironically, whilst HBP is my favourite because of the emphasis on the main plot, POA is my favourite because it takes a break from Voldemort. It’s refreshing to take a step away from Voldemort and put the focus onto a new villain in Sirius, and then for the twist to be revealed that he’s not actually a villain but Harry’s godfather. The time-turner is the biggest draw-back in this book, but I can overlook that because there’s so much more to love in this book. It’s definitely the most re-readable book in terms of the length and plot. This book is a happy medium which incorporates the strengths from all of the other books in a smaller package than HBP - it’s fun but expands on the universe, introduces brilliant new characters and has a depth and complexity that the first two lack whilst not having the filler that books 4-7 have.  

Conclusion

It’s hard to read these books without it being mingled with childhood nostalgia, so that undoubtedly informed my ranking. Despite being a children's series, the books still hold up reading them as an adult. I enjoyed rediscovering the smaller details I’d forgotten over the years and feel much closer to the universe as a result. The characters and their dynamics are by far my favourite thing about HP. I also enjoy the whimsical magic and how this is offset against the darker tone later in the series. However, in light of JKR’s hateful rhetoric, my attention was drawn to the problematic elements of the books such as the portrayal of slavery in addition to: 

Lack of major/well-written characters of color

Anti-semitic caricature of goblin bankers

Cho Chang’s name (which many consider offensive), stereotypical placement in Ravenclaw (the smart house) while being the only East-Asian character in the books, and she functions almost exclusively as a love interest

Ableism all-around

Nagini, an evil snake who gets chopped in half, is actually an Asian woman according to Fantastic Beasts, making her the second of two named East Asian characters in the franchise

“Magic in North America,” a history of magic in North America published on Pottermore that grossly misappropriates and misconstrues Native American cultures

Anthony Goldstein, retconned token Jewish character, also stereotypically named

General stereotypical naming of non-Anglo-Saxon characters

Remus Lupin’s werewolf status as an AIDS metaphor while depicting his condition as making him monstrous, and the man who bit him goes around biting people for kicks

Declaring that Dumbledore is gay with exactly 0 in-canon references, and no other LGBTQ+ representation  (article credit: Separating Art from Artist - Thoughts on J.K. Rowling written by Melina List on Medium)

This is the last time I will read these books, partly because I’ve outgrown them, but mostly because I can’t, without a heavy conscience ignore the relationship between JKR’s hateful views and her works. If you want to learn more about this, I’d recommend checking out a post from my_weird_bookish_heart on Instagram which explains why we couldn’t and shouldn’t ignore the problems in these books by adopting a “art is separate from the artist” mentality (if you would like the link to this please message me and I’l be happy to share it. We can all still love and enjoy HP, but we all have a moral duty to acknowledge and take responsibility for this and not feign ignorance. Views like JKR’s directly harm individuals and groups, not just in the trans community but also the Jewish and LGBTQIA+ communities and people of colour. I can’t and won’t accept that in silence. No matter how special HP was to me as a child, the lives of real humans are unquestionably more important.

Thank you for reading.

[consanglover]

Mum (an erotic story)

When I woke up the next morning I was confused and disoriented. I was in the wrong bed and someone was lying behind me spoon fashion. I could feel soft breasts on my back and a soft tummy pressed against my bottom. It certainly feels good to have a warm soft woman snuggled up to you when you wake up.

Her intimate contact began to arouse me and I lay there with a throbbing erection. I had to do something before I went out of my mind. Starting to get out of bed I rolled over on my back and saw my Mom just waking up. She smiled at me and gave me a big hug.

She kissed me and gave me another hug. I put my arms around her and hugged her back. We were making full body contact and my morning erection pressed into her softness. Almost as if they had a will of their own my hips rotated forward and pressed my erect member into her soft mound even harder. We held the embrace and kiss for longer than our usual kisses and when we broke apart she was breathing heavily. Mom rolled away and said, "I have to go to the bathroom." And quickly got up.

I knew I was on very dangerous ground with my Mom and the slightest mistake could have a disastrous effect on our relationship. What was I doing anyway? I was trying to make it with my mother for God’s sakes! Had there been any encouragement from her? The answer to that was yes and no. The other morning she hadn’t recoiled from my erection but that could have been simple courtesy to save me from embarrassment. What about afterward when she seemed to want to hug me all the time especially when we were standing up so we could feel our bodies touch the other? What about last night and this morning? Last night was nothing and easily explained but this morning when I had pressed my erection against her softness she hadn’t withdrawn but she hadn’t responded either. I was right back where I was when I started the run this morning. Intuition said she wanted me to continue but reason said be cautious. I came to the conclusion that I would just let things develop and take advantage of any opening. Somewhere this morning I had lost a mother and began seeking the same woman as a lover.

I was a little hurt for I had always welcomed affection and the extra physical contact of the past few days made her standoffish attitude even more pointed. There could be only one of two reasons for Mom’s withdrawal; one, she was angry with me for the other morning or two, she didn’t trust herself enough to give me physical affection. If she were angry she wouldn’t have talked to me in her normal warm friendly manner so she had to be trying to restrain herself. I could wait; time would resolve the problem one way or the other.

 A couple of nights later I heard her crying in her pillow again and I got up and went to her. We never exchanged a word, I just crawled in bed beside her and took her in my arms and held her until she fell asleep.

 When I woke up the next morning she was laying on her side with her back to me. I turned on my side, cuddled up to her back, and hugged her close. When she awoke she stretched full length and snuggled back against me. My erection was pressed against her soft behind. When I increased the pressure she responded and pressed back. I became very uncomfortable when my shorts began to cut into my erect penis. I reached down and freed it from its prison and rubbed it against the back of her bare thighs. She opened her legs and let it slip between and then clamped down imprisoning it between the soft flesh of her thighs. With a little movement I could feel the softness of the lips of her vagina through her panties and I began to move back and forth in slow short strokes, each stroke ending up pressed against the crotch her panties which had become wet from her obvious arousal. I had been without sex for too long and in a few seconds I had an orgasm. Hot semen spurted between her legs adding to the moisture already there.

 When she realized what was happening she quickly rolled away and faced me. The sudden separation was unbearable so I reached for her and pulled her back in a close embrace. The rest of my semen splashed on her tummy and the front of her panties. I could feel the warm slipperiness where we touched and hear her rapid breathing in my ear. When my orgasm was over I released her and she lay on her back beside me. 

"What am I doing?", she asked no one in particular.

 I could think of nothing to say so I just slid closer and put my arms around her in an intimate embrace. When I made no further moves she relaxed and allowed me to hold her as I enjoyed the afterglow of my orgasm.  

"Barney, this is wrong. I can’t blame you for I started this and you have followed along but we can’t do this again.  

"Didn’t you want this?"

 "Oh God, yes, but I’m your mother. A mother shouldn’t want her son like I want you."

"A son shouldn’t want his mother like I want you but after what has happened I don’t love you any less, I love and need you even more now. Don’t you want me also?", I pleaded.

 "Barney, we can stop right now and not be guilty of incest. We’ve been a little naughty but we’ve done nothing really wrong. If we go any further there’s no turning back and our mother-son relationship is gone; we’re lovers forevermore. You asked if I wanted you and the answer is yes. Since your father has passed away I have focused on you and your welfare almost exclusively. I haven’t had relations with a man since your father and somehow my physical desires have gotten mixed up with my mother’s love for you. I don’t know if I can ever untangle them. Do I want you? Yes, right now there is nothing I want more. Can I have you? That depends on whether we want to risk tasting the forbidden fruit. When I look at you I see you through the eyes of a mother and the eyes of a lover filled with desire as well. . . . Are you sure you want me for a lover?"  

"I love you Mom but I can’t be around you every day wanting you the way I do and not be able to love you. I’ve tried not to think about us this way but I can’t stop. I’ve thought about this over and over and I always come to the same conclusion, I need more from you and I doubt if I’ll be able to stop myself from trying to make love to you."  

"Neither of us is capable of making a rational decision right now. Let me offer a suggestion. Lets get up and get dressed. Let me get my thoughts straight and you do some more thinking too. Afterwards we can talk about what we are going to do about our relationship like two normal people. Laying in bed mostly nude in a state of high excitement is not the way to make a life decision." Mom rolled over to face me and gave me a big hug and kiss before she bounced out of bed. "Get out of bed lazybones.", she laughed.  

I put in a hard run that morning and when I got back to the house Mom had coffee made and the kitchen was filled with the smell of smoked ham frying in a skillet. She gave me one of her best kisses and ran me off to the shower before we ate.  

The only conversation during breakfast was, "Pass this please or hand me that please." Mom was not a breakfast person and I could hardly remember when we had sat down to breakfast together. There was no well worn routine as there was for lunch or dinner. When we finished the meal I helped Mom wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen. We then sat and had coffee together.

 "Barney have you calmed down after this morning’s little incident?" "Yes, I think so."

 "Good, I don’t know if you have thought this thing through completely. It’s not enough that we love each other or we want each other; there’s more, much more. First, there’s the law. No matter if you say yes or no the law says it’s statutory rape. If we are caught I can go to jail and you would end up in foster care at best. I wouldn’t be much of a mother to expose you to that would I?"  

"I can see your point but if no one knows that’s not a problem and I certainly wouldn’t go around blabbing about what we do in private at home."  

"And neither would I. Second point, this is incest. I don’t have any  strong religious beliefs and my morality goes right out the window when I get as excited as I was this morning. The only objection I have is children and a child by an incestuous couple can have terrible things wrong with it. Did you consider this?"  

"No, I hadn’t given that any thought. All I know is that over the past few weeks my feelings about you have changed. I started wanting and needing you as a lover I don’t know why it just happened."  

"What if I became pregnant? Men never think about pregnancy, it’s a good thing women do or there would be little bastards coming out our ears.", she said laughing, "besides what would you call a son or daughter by your mother?"  

I saw a merry twinkle in her eyes and knew she had made up her mind. She was just being a mother giving her son good advice before he made an important decision. "I’m too young to be a father.", I said with a laugh.

 "Yes, and as you mother, I’m telling you I’m too old to be changing diapers again. Yours were enough for a lifetime!"  

Mom’s last statement, in the light of what we were discussing, broke us both up. The tension between us evaporated with our laughter. We just couldn’t stop; when the laughter subsided and we gained a little control one of us would start giggling then we would begin laughing all over again. The serious note of the earlier conversation had been broken and we both had accepted our situation. I got up and went to Mom. She got out of her chair and we embraced in the middle of the kitchen. When we kissed an unspoken covenant was made between us. We were mother and son and lovers.  

"Look at the time! Barney I have to make an appointment in thirty minutes."   

"What appointment?" I had thought that the chain of events would lead to its logical conclusion but obviously not. I was on an erotic high and there was no relief in sight.  

"While you were out running I called for a doctor’s appointment to get a prescription for the pill. I haven’t taken them since Dad died and now it seems I’ll need them. Want to ride into town with me?"  

My practical Mom, always thinking about details. The ride into town was almost without conversation and I reconsidered everything we had talked about this morning. While I had been on my morning run she had made her decision and acted on it. We could never say that we got carried away with mother-son affection and things just happened. Had she been planning this all along and seduced me while I was trying to seduce her? I didn’t care who seduced who; the end result would be the same.  

After her appointment I wanted to rush back and get on with the main event but Mom had other plans. We had lunch and then she went shopping for what seemed like hours. When we finally got home she began to prepare our dinner. I was a raging bundle of hormones and nerves at loose ends. I began to wonder if I had understood our morning talk. In frustration I sat in the living room and watched TV while Mom made cooking noises in the kitchen.  

It was early evening when she called me to dinner. When I walked into the kitchen the lights were turned off and two candles lit the table. Our simple  country kitchen had taken on a very romantic air. Mom greeted me with a warm embrace and a kiss. When she stepped back to where I could see her I was struck dumb. Before me stood a Rubenesque vision of beauty. While I had been sulking in front of the TV she had done her hair, put on makeup, and dressed in a sexy low cut dress I had never seen before. My sulks were replaced first by guilt and finally by an overwhelming feeling of love for this woman who had cared enough to make this evening start on the perfect note. I knew that I would remember this night forever.

 This was her party and I let her take charge of events. To this day I can’t    remember what we had for dinner that night. I do remember an ice bucket and a bottle of cold duck. After dinner we danced to records in the living room and Mom’s perfume did more to befuddle my senses than the wine. The evening was soft music with slow rhythms; a warm, soft woman in my arms; two bodies molded together; and hot, wet lips locked together in a kiss of forbidden love.

My universe was the smell of her perfume; the taste of Mom’s sweet kisses; and soft, yielding flesh warmly pressed against my sex starved member which was overwhelmed with the need to plunge into my mother’s welcoming pink paradise. 

Somehow we danced and floated to her bedroom to hold each other for long moments in the middle of the room. She slowly unbuttoned my shirt and stripped it from me. Her lips found my nipples and their warm touch sent electricity throughout my body and set off tingles all the way to my fingertips. I took her ample buttocks in each hand and crushed her pelvis to mine; my throbbing member separated from its object of desire by our clothing alone. I felt the edge of the bed against my legs and mother gently pushed me until I lay on the bed with my legs dangling over the edge. She lay atop me and started kissing me on my eyes, my lips, my nipples, and continued downward to my navel. As her tongue worked magic there she undid my pants and slowly worked all my clothes down around my ankles. Continuing downward she took the head of my penis in her mouth for only a moment and gently sucked it for far too brief a time. When she withdrew it was as if the world had been denied me and paradise was only a memory recalled by the cooling moisture of her kiss on my throbbing penis.  

She moved off the bed and finished undressing me until I was totally naked and then stepped back and began to undress herself slowly. I sat up and started to go to her but she restrained me with a gesture of her hand. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she slid out of her dress and stood before me clad only in bra and pantyhose. It was long seconds before she moved allowing me to absorb with my eyes the vision before me softened and enhanced by the dim light from a single shaded lamp. She reached behind her and undid the fastener on her bra then slowly turned as she removed it giving me a view of her softly rounded shoulders, a side view of two mature breasts hanging free, and finally a full frontal view of two pendulous orbs with large aureoles and nipples that begged to be kissed and their softness fondled.  

When she moved to the side of the bed I put my arms around her waist and hugged he close burying my face between her breasts. I turned until I found one nipple with my mouth and nipped it with my lips before I took it in my mouth and began to massage it with the tip of my tongue. I moved to the other breast and heard her sharp intake of breath when I began to gently suck the nipple. As I worked on her breast with my lips and tongue I grasped the waistband of her panty hose and began to pull them down over her hips. I worked them down her legs and as I did I began to kiss and tongue her body lower and lower until I reached her navel. While I explored her navel with my tongue I held her pantyhose as she stepped out of the footlets.  

The musky, slightly marine fragrance drifted to my nose from her vagina. I felt an overpowering urge to bury my face between her legs and plant a kiss on the portal from which I had first met the world. I hugged the back of her thighs and pressed my lips to her hairy triangle. We became overbalanced and fell in a tangle on the bed. I buried my face in the softness between her legs and began to explore with my tongue. Mom opened her legs wide to give me easy access to her nether parts and I took advantage of my position and slid my tongue deep inside her tasting the slightly raw pleasant taste of her moist labia. I moved upward until I could massage her clitoris with the tip of my tongue and she went wild.  

"Hurry, please hurry and put it inside me! I can’t wait any longer!", she begged. The denial I had suffered through this long day and the buildup since dinner had me in an advanced state of arousal. I began to move upward kissing  until I could give her a big kiss on the mouth. She took hold of my penis to put it in her cleft when I had an "Air Burst", spraying my semen all over her tummy and collapsed on top of her. She held me close until my untimely orgasm was over and again took hold of me and guided me to the entrance of her pink paradise. This was what I had been after for all these weeks and now it was mine! I began to push inside with short gentle strokes each a little deeper that the one before until my full length was enveloped inside my mother. I lay still for a few seconds savoring the glorious feeling of wet warmth along the full length of my member. I was pleasantly surprised when a very strong contraction gripped me tightly. Again her vagina contracted almost as strong as a handshake sending shivers of ecstasy through me whole body. She began moving her hips and I matched her movement. Pull out, push in, pause for a gripping contraction, and then start all over again. This continued on and on stirring exquisite sensations each time she contracted until her thrusts became faster and more insistent. We were both in the home stretch and nothing could have stopped us at that point.  

"Oh God! Faster! Harder! Don’t stop! Hurry! I’m . . . going . . . to . . . cum . . . N O W W W W W.", she screamed as I exploded inside her. Wave after wave of contractions shook both of us and with each contraction I ejaculated a little more until she was flooded with our combined juices and her whole crotch was soaked, slippery, and sticky. We just lay there unable to do anything but try to get control of our ragged breathing and enjoy the afterglow of the best orgasm I had ever had in my life. Mom clutched me tightly to her breast as if she was afraid I would run away. No chance of that for I was enjoying a warm, wet soak and the dying echoes of her orgasm. As I became limp a particularly strong  contraction spit me out of my slippery prison.  

Mom forced me on my back and took my penis in her mouth and began to suck it and stroke up and down. I shifted positions until we could 69 and plunged my face into the aftermath of our last coupling. Earlier I might have  been repelled but at that moment I enjoyed the taste and feel of her freshly screwed pussy on my tongue. We continued until we each brought the other to orgasm.  

On and on we explored our possibilities together until I couldn’t get another erection. Mom turned off the light and we fell asleep in each other’s arms from exhaustion; our sexual appetites completely satisfied.  

When I awoke the next morning Mom was awake with her head propped up on her arm looking at me. When she saw I was awake she asked, "How does my incestuous son feel this morning?"  

"Wonderful. How does my incestuous Mom feel?"  

"Like I have been screwed by a whole army which brings me to a question. Where did you learn to make love like that? I expected to have to teach a virgin boy of fourteen how to make love but found myself in bed with an accomplished lover. Care to explain?", she asked with a mischievous smile on her face. "Mom, that’s not a fair question, I could get someone in trouble if I said anything. I can’t talk about us so please don’t ask me about someone else."

 "What if I asked your Aunt Mary? Think she could shed some light on the subject?" 

"I don’t know anything about what she could explain." "Did you call her Mummy when you were making love?, Mom asked with a laugh.  "MOM! I don’t want to talk about her!"  

"Very good Barney. Never tell anyone about us or your aunt. My hat is off to her for she taught you well. Don’t worry about your darling Claire. She and I have been lovers off and on since I was younger than you are. We shared a bed as kids until she left for college. Are you shocked that your mother and her sister were lovers?"  

"Surprised is a better word. Is that why you insisted that she come stay with us when we moved here and you got a job?"  

"That was part of it but I never expected my horny sister to seduce my son. No wonder she was reluctant to leave. I understand a lot of things now that puzzled me before. I promise I’ll never tell her that I know about you two unless you say it’s OK."  

Mom sealed her promise with a kiss and then other things needed doing. I let her climb on top and lower herself on my erection. When she had slid over its entire length she gave it a squeeze as she had last night.  

I had to ask one question, "Mom how do you squeeze it so hard?"  

She laughed and gave it a couple of quick squeezes in succession before she answered, "I dribbled after you were born and I had to do exercises to strengthen the muscles down there to correct the dribble. Do you like it?"  

I answered her with a couple of voluntary throbs of my own. As Mom made rhythmic motions back and forth I thought of the possibilities of a visit from Aunt Mary.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #230: THE LAST FAREWELL!

April, 1983

“Yellowjacket no more!”

Aw, dang! Hank got raptured!

Captain America, Thor, and Hawkeye is a weird collection of characters to be staring forlornly at the empty Yellowjacket uniform.

Thor hasn’t really expressed much about the Yellowjacket situation in comparison. You think they could squeeze Wasp into the shot. Just her ex-husband is all. She’s just the team leader is all.

Put Wasp on the cover, you cowards.

So last times on Avengers: Hank Pym got himself kicked out of the Avengers and out of his marriage and pretty much deserved it. He was tricked into committing treason by his arch-nemesis Egghead and sent to jail. He sat in jail for, like, a really long time. The wheels really spun on the arc.

He was kicked out of the Avengers/walked before he could be kicked out in #213. He was arrested at the end of issue #217. His trial was in issue #228.

He was kidnapped from his trial by the Masters of Evil. Then in #229, he turned the tables on them all in quite a satisfying manner and slugged Egghead in the egg head.

Then Hawkeye manslaughtered him. He’s dead.

Hawkeye arrowed the science gun to stop Egghead from shooting Hank in the back and then the science gun backfired and microwaved that egg.

This makes Hank’s victory a little bittersweet for him.

Hank Pym: “I defeated the Masters of Evil single-handed... but more than anything, I wanted to bring Egghead to justice. He was a thorn in my side for so many years. I was never able to defeat him for long, not when I was Ant-Man... and not even after I became Giant-Man! He bedeviled me in every identity I assumed. He did me the greatest wrong when I was Yellowjacket. I’d already ruined my Avengers career, when he tricked me into committing a federal crime!”

Hawkeye too is set to thinking by what happened. Maybe humming a bit of Bohemian Rhapsody to himself too.

Hawkeye: “This is unreal! I’ve never killed a man before! I never planned on anything like this happening! Yeah, but I can’t feel sorry for Egghead! If anyone deserved this, he did! My brother Barney bought the farm, stopping Egghead from killing the Avengers. And if I hadn’t acted when I did, Hank Pym would be dead! If I had to do it again... I would!”

Hawkeye: ‘Eh, fuck ‘em!’

hah.

But Hank laments that with Egghead dead, so goes his chance of proving his innocence by turning him over to the law.

Hank Pym: “Egghead was always getting away from me, Hawkeye. It’s almost as if he’s pulled the ultimate escape!”

Fun fact: There doesn’t seem to be an Ultimate Egghead! Why would there need to be? Even more than in the 616, Ultimate Hank Pym is by far his own worst enemy.

Hawkeye basically tells Hank to buck up and that there’s basically incriminating evidence lying all over the place.

He doesn’t say it but even Egghead’s dead deceased corpse is kind of like evidence. Evidence that he wasn’t dead until recently.

Captain Marvel shows up because someone finally came looking for Hawkeye.

Hank is surprised, much like others have been that this is Captain Marvel. He knew the old guy, the super saiyan. And I guess he didn’t hear there was a new one.

Hawkeye: “We’ve had a few changes since you went in the slammer, Hank. C.M. is an Avenger in training.”

Huh. Captain Marvel doesn’t even react to the dead body. Then again, there’s a lot of bodies lying all around the place.

And while Hawkeye is introducing the new Captain Marvel to Hank, one of those bodies stirs.

Moonstone has regained consciousness and assesses the situation. She could blast Hank, Captain Marvel, and Hawkeye with her coherent light pew pew but that’d just weaken her.

Like in the previous issue, Moonstone is one of the few supervillains who knows when to fold ‘em.

So she decides to skeedaddle while the getting is good but whoops.

Getting wasn’t good.

The rest of the Avengers have shown up and cornered her while she was pondering.

So Moonstone decides ‘eh fuck it’ and promises to spill all the beans if it gets her a lighter sentence.

So days later, the mostly off-screen trial of Hank Pym finally ends.

A loooot of new evidence suddenly popping up led the prosecution to withdraw all charges.

The lead prosecution witness, Trish Starr, suddenly reversing her testimony after putting on Tony Stark’s magical mental-scan helmet kind of tanked the case, really.

Wait, they really did just admit the use of the helmet in the trial when its new, unsubstantiated technology whose inventor disappeared?

Damn, I knew the Marvel legal system was wild (considering comic books as legal documents as explored in Dan Slott’s run on the character) but still!

Although it makes sense. Egghead got Trish to incriminate Hank by using the bionic arm to alter her memories. The helmet Tony invented undoes that kind of alteration. This connects the dots quite reasonably. Glad Stern was paying attention when preparing to finish this arc.

Moonstone and Beetle confirming that Egghead was using Hank as a tool also helps.

In fact, not only did the prosecution drop all their charges, the judge also dismissed all the charges. Which feels redundant? I dunno much about law, really. Just the She-Hulk version of law. Which, again, uses comic books as legal documents.

Apparently happening at around the same time, Hawkeye also had his day in court.

Literally a day.

It wasn’t a trial, just a hearing to investigate whether he was guilty of wrong-doing in the death of Egghead.

Newsman with a newsplan: “Though he was threatened with contempt-of-court charges a number of times -- Hawkeye was found innocent of any wrong-doing in the death of Dr. Elihas Starr -- the self-styled Egghead.”

Yeah, I bet Hawkeye was threatened with contempt-of-court a bunch. And I bet you anything that at least one of the times he rejoined with “No, you’re out of order! This whole damn courtroom is out of order!”

And then the judge probably just sighed.

I mean, look at that unbelievable Hawkeye in the bottom left panel.

Anyway, I think Stern must have felt a little pent up having to start his Avengers run finishing off someone else’s story, especially having to devote a recap issue to it since the plot had been interspersed with fill-ins.

Because in the middle of concluding this arc, he throws in two plot beats that I have to assume are to set up stuff of his own.

A day after the trial, the Beetle is being escorted to a cell in a Western Pennsylvanian federal maximum security prison when he bumps into another prisoner.

What neither the Beetle or the guard notices is that the bump to “Sam Smithers” has peeled off some skin on his arm and revealed THAT HE IS ACTUALLY MADE OF WOOD!

Suspect possibly a living puppet.

And elsewhere but samewhen, IN SPACE, specifically on Saturn’s moon Titan, Thanos’ brother Eros is basically complaining about being bored.

When Captain Mar-vell died of having a lot of cancer, he asked Eros to look after Mar-vell’s... uh... -google- robot girlfriend?? Elysius.

Eventual mom to Genis and Phyla-Vells.

Soooooo, Eros has done as Mar-vell’s deathbed wish was and spent an agonizing several consecutive months hanging out in Titan’s beautiful inside forests and just having a real hard time caring about one thing for such a long period of time.

I’m not even being unfair to him.

Eros: “This is the first time in ages that I’ve spent so many consecutive months on Titan! I have ever been a wanderer! I’ve sought out adventure across the wide cosmos. Frankly, I have known romance on more worlds than most sentient beings could imagine. That’s part of the problem. Our friendship has been wonderful, but I’m having a hard time adjusting to it. My previous relationships have all been of a fleeting nature.”

‘Look its not you, its me’ except for attempting to dump someone as a friend, instead of romantically.

Not dump, even. He just kind of wants to ditch her and is asking in a roundabout way if she’s emotionally stable enough to ditch.

She goes, yeah sure, go off and have fun. And maybe she’s getting tired of his company too.

Elysius: “Look... you’ve been a great comfort to me these last few months, but now I need to be alone for a while with my thoughts.”

Geez, how clingy has he been this whole time while desperately wanting to be anywhere else?

Anyway, since she’s fine with him fucking off, he does fuck off. Right to the Hall of Science.

Where Eros’ dad is like ‘oh ffs’ when Eros tells him that he needs to use the LIVING COMPUTER Isaac to look up planets with the highest adventure potential.

Mentor of Titan is a man deeply disappointed in both of his sons for very different reasons.

Anyway, would you really be surprised if I told you that Earth was in the Top 3 planets in known space for adventure?

You wouldn’t, right?

Meanwhile, back at the plot, Hank Pym is on a boat with Trish Starr.

She wants to apologize for that time she incriminated him but Hank isn’t going to blame her for being as much a pawn in Egghead’s scheme as he was.

Trish: “Yes, uncle was like that all of his life. I think he really enjoyed using people.”

And she remembers the first time they met in Marvel Feature #5, where Egghead tried to drain her mind to power his machines. Because. Batteries hadn’t been invented? Because he’s just not happy unless he’s screwing over someone else?

Second one sounds likeliest.

She also remembers the time he car bombed her car but siphoned out most of the gas first.

Trish: “He didn’t want to kill me... only maim me. Nice guy, my uncle.”

Yeah. Its stories like that why its only Trish and Hank also Fred Sloan on a boat at Egghead’s funeral. Yeah, by the way, this is basically Egghead’s funeral.

Fred is only here for Trish.

Hank reacts to Fred so I wondered if he’s important in some way or if Hank recognized him but I checked the wiki and his main importance seems to be... this issue? So I don’t know why Hank reacts to the guy.

So Fred is just here for Trish. Trish is here out of duty, since she was Egghead’s only known family. And Hank is also only here out of duty but more archnemesis ‘can’t believe that asshole is dead and I don’t even get to feel good about it’ duty. I assume.

Hank even gets the honor (?) of laying Egghead to rest. By dumping his ashes into New York harbor.

Mostly because it doesn’t seem like Trish wants to?

So Hank quotes some Mark Twain and dumps the ashes.

Hank Pym: “‘Death... the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all -- the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.’ Farewell, Egghead.”

Trish: “It’s awful to say this -- but I can’t find it in myself to be sorry. I think I’m glad he’s dead.”

And that’s Egghead’s legacy. Mourned by no one. And his death is only not cheered because the only people that cared feel shitty about feeling glad he’s dead.

ANYWAY, there’s some other loose ends to tie up.

So Hank takes a taxi to the Avengers Mansion and I guess finally explicitly explains why the mansion has seemed to change positions over time?

Hank Pym: “I never thought I’d be coming here again. The place has certainly changed since the day Jan and I met here with Iron Man, Thor, and the Hulk to draft the Avengers charter and by-laws. And I still recall the time Iron Man and Thor moved the mansion back from the street to give us more privacy. What a project that was!”

Sounds like a heck of a noodle incident, Hank.

... Why just Thor and Iron Man? Did they... did they literally just shove the mansion back from the street? ... There’s... basements and caves under there. How does that work? That seems like a massive architectural project.

Hank, pls, I need to know more details. You can’t just drop that information and casually stroll away. HANK!

Captain Marvel meets Hank at the door and escorts him inside, captain marveling at how calm Hank is despite everything he’s been through.

Hank shows up to the Avengers meeting and-

Oh god, She-Hulk looks like she wants to punch the suppressed emotions right out of Jan. She-Hulk, pls.

So, Wasp is super formal, calling Hank Dr. Pym and telling him that they want to use the mento-scan helmet to see if he was under outside influence when he did all the very bad things he did.

All of the Avengers are harboring their own concerns.

She-Hulk: “I’ve read legal briefs that were more informal! She’s cool on the surface, but inside -- ! Jannie, why are you doing this to yourself?!”

Are you guys already at the cute nickname stage of your friendship or is that just the way She-Hulk be?

Cap is worried that this is rough on Jan but that she’s doing what she needs to do as the Avengers chairwoman. But he’s more worried about the absence of Iron Man who is still missing and who ignored three calls to assemble.

Thor is just internally like ‘just do the helmet, my dude.’

Hawkeye is literally biting his lip at the tension.

Hawkeye: “Jan divorced Hank after his last breakdown. If we find out that he wasn’t to blame, what’s it gonna do to the both of ‘em? I hate this! That stupid court hearing was a breeze in comparison.”

Huh, Hawkeye has a point. Even if outside influence is proven, its not as straightforward as Jan and Hank instantly getting back together, no harm no foul. There was harm. And the problems with their relationship were deeper than one incident. But it would also create this possible expectation that they should get back together because the specific incident wasn’t Hank’s fault.

And Captain Marvel is still looking at this from an outsiders’ perspective.

Captain Marvel: “They’re really hurting over this... all of them! They all care so very, very much. If I ever become a fully active Avenger, I pray that I can live up to their example.”

So Hank very calmly agrees to use the helmet. But...

Hank Pym: “Sorry... no outside influences. It would have changed a lot of things if there had been, wouldn’t it? But no, I made my own mistakes... and I have to live with them.”

Thiiiiis was the best decision for the story arc. It may seem, in retrospect, the worst decision in the long run, but I can respect the story for standing by what it has done and standing by the growth Hank has had as a result of everything that happened.

I think a lot of more modern marvel comics have gone a little wild with letting the heroes do all kinds of dubious things and also die because it can be easily undone. It was a Skrull, they were being mind-controlled, it was an AU Nazi version of them created by a cosmic cube child. Or by giving the hero some big redemptive moment like Iron Man wiping his mind to make up for doing Civil War. Or Iron Man dying to make up for Civil War 2. You can explore whatever scenarios you want without worrying about dealing with the consequences long-term.

But in this era of Marvel, they were concerned with the long-term. Not to say that there weren’t cop-outs back in this day too. But since books were expected to keep going indefinitely instead of being cancelled and relaunched, there’s less of a sense of ‘this thing is only here to play with for a little while.’ If you wrote a thing, another writer was expected to follow up on it.

And I miss that a little.

So not giving a cop-out bullshit thing that undoes Hank’s actions was bad in the long run for his image as a character. But that’s a long way from now problem, exacerbated by writers like Chuck Austin and Mark Millar who wanted to wallow in it.

For an arc where Hank fell from grace and proved himself again, taking ownership of what a garbage fire his life can be was necessary.

One among many reasons I probably won’t like the Crossing when I get to it, haha.

With Hank’s actions proven as being Hank’s actions, Hank says there’s one more loose end that he wants to help tie off.

He wants to participate as witness when the Avengers hold a court of inquiry for Hawkeye killing Egghead.

This comes as an absolute surprise to Hawkeye, who I guess never read the bylaws. Which honestly, is very in-character for him.

But it being brought up, he insists that all he has to do is enter the findings of the state judge and be done with it.

Hank insists he participate though.

Hank Pym: “Hawkeye is faced with charges because he acted in my defense. It’s only right that I act in his.”

So, the Avengers go to the first floor library, which is apparently the court of inquiry room. I feel like we’re suddenly getting a lot of details about the layout of the Avengers Mansion in recent issues.

So Wasp convenes the court all formal style, so formal style that Hawkeye thinks that stickler Cap(tain America) couldn’t have done a better job. The purpose of the court of inquiry is to determine the validity of the charge of “unreasonable use of deadly force” and determine what if any proper disciplinary action should be taken.

I think Hawkeye is annoyed at having to go through with this (read the bylaws, my dude) because when Wasp asks if he has anything to add to his claim of innocence of the charge, he says he already gave the court copies of the court transcript that cleared him of the same charge, but also decides to speechify a little, because he wasn’t accused of contempt of court enough today.

Hawkeye: “I have already given the chair copies of the transcript of a hearing of the state courts... a hearing which found me not guilty of the same charge. And I have something else to say as well!”

“I don’t deny that my actions caused the death of Egghead. But in no way did I use undue force! I found Hank Pym in mortal danger, and I used the necessary means to save him... period. After all, we are supposed to be the Avengers, right?”

Luckily for Hawkeye, the Avengers are more willing to put up with him than a state court so Jan just goes ‘ok, noted.’

Captain Marvel also has a minor change of heart on Hawkeye. I don’t think we’ve gotten her in-depth feelings on him before (although he did get pissy about her joining the team, we didn’t see her response to that) but she’s impressed because she thought he had more wind than conviction but is seeing that isn’t so. And she’s also impressed by Serious Mode Jan who she thought was kind of flighty.

Captain Monica Marvel seeing all kinds of new sides of the Avengers lately.

Also, this isn’t important and you won’t be able to see what I mean unless I included more caps than I wanted to, but in the panel establishing the court of inquiry, Monica is just standing off to the side. But in the next panel she appears in, she’s moved over to sit on a couch instead.

I think its a framing thing but its still kind of funny to imagine her going ‘wait why am I standing up’ and heading for the comfy couch.

With Hawkeye’s statement given, Wasp invites Hank Pym to speak his piece.

And Hank gets up and gives an entirely unnecessary but probably appreciated defense of Hawkeye.

Hank Pym: “Ladies and gentlemen... I have not always been on the friendliest of terms with Hawkeye. Point of fact, we nearly came to blows a number of times... back in the days when I was an Avenger. But in all the time I’ve known him, Hawkeye has never used undue force.”

“I realize that this inquiry is little more than a formality. I have no doubt that you will find in his behalf. He did, as he said, act only in my defense. Unlike my own recent case before you, there is not the slightest hint of misconduct or negligence. The only thing Hawkeye is guilty of is being a good Avenger.”

“When I last spoke before this body, at my court-martial, I was not in a rational state of mind. I was unfit to be an Avenger. You wisely expelled me. I never expected to speak before you again. And now, I can think of no finer final statement than this... It has been my sincere honor to have known Hawkeye’s fellowship... as it has to have known yours.”

Okay. So. Half a defense of Hawkeye. And half... just a general good-bye and a demonstration that he actually does know how to deliver a defense at a court-martial. Cool.

I imagine if he had a mic, he would have dropped it.

Probably not, actually. Hank isn’t that exact blend of cool and inconsiderate for a mic drop.

Jarvis intercepts Hank on his way out and asks that he come with him to the second floor study. Jarvis has taken the liberty of gathering up the personal items Hank just kind of left in the mansion and packing them for him.

One suitcase has a bunch of Hank’s clothes that he had stashed in the mansion over the years. Including some wacky ties for wacky tie Fridays and a shirt that Hank had just plumb lost.

The other suitcase is a spare Yellowjacket outfit. In case Hank ever needs it.

Then Hank and Jarvis shake hands, Hank thanking Jarvis for everything that he’s done for him and the Avengers. He asks Jarvis to take care of himself because he knows he doesn’t have to ask him to take care of the Avengers.

This is a very touching scene. Its so touching that Jarvis excuses himself to go get misty eyed.

This is a Jarvis appreciation blog because I appreciate Jarvis as well.

Then, as Hank heads back down the staircase, he is intercepted by Thor, Captain America, and Hawkeye.

Yeah, the court of inquiry resolved off-screen because of how forgone a conclusion it was.

The three Avengers basically fall all over themselves to pat Hank on the back. Hank actually looks somewhat panicked by the positive affirmation.

That’s some mixture of funny and sad that I can’t identify.

Hawkeye tells Hank how much he appreciated his unnecessary defense. Thor clasps Hank’s shoulder and tells him he’s a class act, but in Thor-y words. And Cap extends an offer for whatever the Avengers can do to help Hank get back on his feet.

Hank thanks him for the offer but he’s already received an offer from a small research foundation in the Midwest.

Seems like getting exonerated of a treason charge is the best resume of all. That and Hank’s actual impressive resume.

But Cap has some stuff to work out re: Hank because he starts off on the stuff he put on the back burner back in that Ghost Rider issue.

Cap(tain America): “Hank... I know Iron Man would agree, if he were here, that we’re all sorry about the way things worked out. We should have realized the pressures you’d been under, prior to your breakdown. I was group leader at the time! I should have -- !”

Hank Pym: “Hold it right there, Cap! What I did, I did to myself! If I could have admitted that my problems existed... If I’d been willing to open up to you folks... Well, ‘if’ can be a big word sometimes. The fact of the matter is, I screwed up. And you did the only thing you could do! I don’t blame any of you.”

Hank has boarded the personal responsibility train and goddammit he’s riding it to the end of the line!

Good for him. Good clarity for the arc to have in its last issue.

But having started to slightly shout at the Avengers that he’s taking responsibility dammit! (he looks a bit pissed when he’s responding to Cap) Hank awkwardly excuses himself.

Cap tries to stop Hank from leaving because he has reached the bargaining stage of grief, I guess.

Cap: “Hank, wait! It doesn’t have to end like this! We could make a special amendment to the by-laws! We could reinstate you as an Avenger! You could be a special reservist -- !”

Hank: “Thanks, Cap. But no thanks. Trying to play super hero was the biggest mistake I ever made with my life! I was only fooling myself in ever thinking otherwise. But if you ever really think you might need a Yellowjacket again some day...”

He hands Cap the Yellowjacket suitcase.

Hank: “... Here! All you need is a good man and what’s in this case!”

I would hope, anyway. It’s going to be awkward if he opens it up later and its full of wacky ties.

The funny thing, although not really funny ha ha, is that Yellowjacket is the one codename of Hank’s that never really catches on outside of him.

You have multiple Ant-Men, a couple Goliaths, at least one other Giant-Man. There was a second Yellowjacket, eventually. But she didn’t make a big splash.

Despite Hank’s attempt here to pass the torch, Yellowjacket is a codename that remains inextricably tied to him. Which might be the problem. If there were another, more successful or at least more endearing Yellowjacket, Hank’s infamy in the role would not stand out so much.

Alas.

She-Hulk and Captain Marvel try next to intercept Hank. They don’t know him very well but they wanted to say their goodbyes too, despite not really knowing him that well.

Its the thought that definitely counts, probably.

But Hawkeye has some social awareness for a change and draws their attention to Wasp who is hanging back, but who clearly wants to talk to Hank.

So the rest of the Avengers quickly vacate to let Hank and Jan finally have closure. Or re-closure. “I want a divorce and to never see you again” is a kind of closure.

The situation has changed, however.

They both try to apologize to each other and then laugh at the awkwardness.

Hank: “Janet van Dyne, you are one in a million! After all that I put you through, you want to tell me that you’re sorry?”

Wasp: “I think we both made some mistakes along the way, but there were some good times... weren’t there?”

Hank: “Yes. But you can’t base a marriage on just a few good times. I fell for the young lady who reminded me of my first wife... and you thought you’d found the strong, silent hero. But I was never that strong, Jan. You know that now.”

Wasp: “Uh-huh.”

Damn, his prison time really did bring Hank a lot of clarity. That or the pile of therapists Tony kept throwing at him.

Hank also kind of talks over Jan here. Or at least steers the conversation. I don’t know what Jan would have said because Hank tells her that they both have other lives to lead and tells her to take care of herself.

Maybe its for the best, if, like Cap, she was going to try to shoulder all the blame for Hank’s bad decisions.

Hank walks out the door and finds Trish and Fred from the boat waiting to give him a ride to the airport. And then he is gone.

Like in the final image of the COURT-MARTIAL issue, Jan watches at the window.

“The last time Henry Pym left these walls, Janet felt like crying... but couldn’t find any tears. Today, at last, she has found the tears... for her former husband... for her team... for herself. Today, there is pain and remorse and release. There will be time enough for joy and hope tomorrow.”

Emotional catharsis can be like that.

In that the book kept going ‘Jan is really holding her emotions in and that’s probably not overall great for her’ its good that she can let it out now.

Kind of laughing at Captain Marvel and She-Hulk who only recently just met Jan being the ones going there there while the men she has known for years are just awkwardly standing in the background.

And that’s the fall and rise of Hank Pym. Apparently collected in trade as The Trial of Yellowjacket, which is a decent enough name too.

Overall, a good arc. That is kind of hampered by the need for filler and a writer change near the end. But honestly, Stern catches the ball and runs with it. He concludes the arc just as good as Shooter would’ve.

This arc is all kinds of iconic for Hank, although, unfortunately, most people are only aware of the beginning and maybe have a hazy understanding of what the ending does.

Although. This is a really good send-off for Hank. A really, really good send-off that would have worked best if he did like he said and quit superheroing forever.

That’s not to be, obviously, not in a perpetual narrative machine like Marvel. But it feels like it could have been and maybe should have been the last word on his character.

I enjoy Hank in Busiek’s Avengers and in Avengers Academy. And also, conceptually, Hank telling Reed “it’s on, bitch.” I very don’t enjoy Ultimate Hank Pym. So its a balancing act. The perfect exit for the character vs but I like some stuff when they brought him back.

Anyway.

After this, Stern gets to move on to his own material. Which he already planted the seeds for in this issue.

That’s a pun.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because of my bad puns. Also like and reblog, if you like to reblog.

[spidercakes]

Here, have a fun little ABO AU of some kind.

*

Its not like Tony wants to be here, this is more of a he has no choice type thing otherwise he’d like... not. First of all the idea of sending omegas off to omega academies to... fuck, Tony doesn’t even know what they do, only to marry them all off at sixteen is nuts and also creepy. Not that he’s unwilling to give the average sixteen year old credit, but he doesn’t think its a great idea to marry people off at an age where they can’t even vote. Plus you know, they’re still technically children.

So he’s not super into the whole child marriage thing for one, and also he doesn’t want what media depictions and the occasional actual omega has shown to him his whole life. He doesn’t like demure people, they’re boring and he knows he’s got a bit of a powerful personality. He doesn’t want to marry someone who’s going to get bowled over by that. Shit, he wouldn’t get married at all but his fuckface father decided to fuck him over from beyond the grave by writing in some stupid ass provision that he has to be married at twenty one or he doesn’t get the god damn company. He’d marry Rhodey but he said no, and the look on Pepper’s face wasn’t encouraging so here he is.

He scans the room, trying to locate the oldest omega in here when he knows they’re all the same fucking age and Christ, this is not where he saw his life going. But he needs to marry someone in the next god damn week because he decided it was a good idea to hold off even though Rhodey told him that was stupid but no. Can’t tell him nothing.

Eventually his gaze lands on an omega across the room that looks bored and his uniform is disheveled much to the obvious irritation of the nearest beta, who clearly knows the kid and doesn’t like him. Awesome, an asshole. Tony can make do with that so he goes over. “Do you like, remember those fucked up children’s songs we used to sing? Imagine being a teacher and walking in on twenty four eight year olds singing ‘joy to the world, the teacher’s dead.’ I think I’d shit,” he says because that’s the first thing that comes to mind. The omega he’s talking to considers him for half a second, clearly holding back a laugh before he breaks through. “Well come on, you know I’m right. Do you remember that one song about Barney where we fucking murked the guy? Like, what the fuck, right?”

The omega continues laughing, doubling over with it and Tony is getting weird looks from that displeased beta that Tony thinks might be this guy’s teacher or something. Whatever, laughs are better than out right rejections, he’s got six days to get this done. “What the hell?” the kid asks and Tony shrugs.

“I’m just saying, kid culture is fucked up. And violent.” Weirdly violent for children but hey whatever, most of them grow out of it so whatever.

“Uh huh,” the omega says, recovering a little and leaning against the wall he’s next to, arms crossed. “So why are you here?” he asks like that’s not obvious.

“My fuckstick joke of a father decided that he’d posthumously fuck up my life by preventing me from having ownership of his company if I wasn’t married by twenty one and I procrastinated,” Tony says honestly. That earns a raised eyebrow but whatever, Tony isn’t even looking for something that’ll last necessarily, he just needs the company. Nothing in the shit Howard drew up said anything about divorce so you know, loophole.

The omega looks him over, nose in the air a little. “I’m not really likable,” he says.

“Yeah, ‘likable’ in this particular scenario means complacent with your own subjugation so like, not a concern on my end because that’s a bit fucked,” he says.

“I’m a little old too,” he says like he doesn’t look young.

“How old is ‘old’ because either you have some serious baby face or you’re like, seventeen and that hardly counts as ‘old’ what the fuck kind of standards do people have for omegas?” he asks, frowning. 

“We expire at the ripe age of twenty two according to most every asshole who walks in here. I’m eighteen,” he says and Tony breaths a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, you can vote! Christ, I was not looking forward to participating in child marriage because my dad’s a prick.”

“You could have just married someone else,” the omega points out.

“Yeah, I asked a friend and he said no and my other friend looked like she was about to pull out a cross and exorcize me so I let her be. Its not like I didn’t think of that.”

The omega looks him over like he’s trying to determine if Tony is good enough and that’s a weird situation to be in. Its happened to every omega in this room at least twice but its weird to be on the other end of it. “Yeah, alright,” the omega says and Tony blinks a few times, confused.

“You don’t even know my name. Which is Tony, by the way.”

“Peter,” he says and shrugs. “And I’ll be honest, I’m mostly in it for the sex and you’re hot,” he tells Tony.

Tony blinks again, even more confused but like, not in a bad way. “That... I can do that. And like, you’re an actual fucking child so it won’t be nasty, god, sixteen? Who wrote these laws?”

“Alphas, take it up with them since you probably know a bunch of them personally,” Peter says and right, good point.

“I’ll have you know my voting habits do not support this shit,” Tony tells him like he’s voted in more than one federal election.

*

Rhodey doesn’t look impressed and Pepper looks surprised and Tony’s offended, really. “What?” he asks.

“What, did you walk in and choose the biggest asshole in the room? He’s kind of an entitled prick,” Rhodey points out.

“Yeah, well if I got shoved into a school against my will to be trained to be a house servant I’d be pissed off too, I think he’s earned his entitlement. That how I acted when I got shipped off to boarding school and I didn’t even have to deal with all the other shit,” he points out.

“He’s... well, not exactly nice to you,” Pepper says.

“Oh he’s plenty nice where it counts,” Tony tells her and she wrinkles her nose.

“Gross, Tony.”

“You could have done better,” Rhodey tells him and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I could have married a child. This one came with the added benefit of no fucking child marriage. Seriously, and I stress this, what the fuck?”

“He’s got a point there,” Pepper murmurs.

“I’m sure there was more than one adult hanging around,” Rhodey tells him.

“Not really, all the demure cute ones get picked right away so its only the assholes left behind,” Peter says, walking up behind Tony and wrapping an arm around him. He smiles, wrapping an arm around Peter too because he actually likes him. Turns out he’s really smart too and he’s happy to get that added benefit as well.

“That’s nice,” Rhodey says, clearly still unimpressed.

“Platypus,” Tony says, “the poor thing has been subjected to ‘do what they say or you’re a failure’ training, leave him be. Being an asshole is the only correct response to that.”

“I should have just married you myself,” Rhodey mumbles. “And since when the hell have you given a shit about omegas rights?” he asks.

Tony rolls his eyes, “just because its not on my mind two hundred percent of the time doesn’t mean I’ve never considered it,” he says.

*

Peter doesn’t actually expect to like Tony but it turns out he’s actually really nice and he can’t say he dislikes the way Tony spoils him. He’s currently sitting out by the pool with a book and a pair of Tony’s sunglasses on enjoying the sun, because he barely got any of that in school- actual prisoners get more sun than they do- when Tony finds him.

He smiles, shifting in his seat so Tony can sit beside him. He does, wrapping his arm around Peter as he curls into his side. “I fired like, so many people today. People are pissed, the media shat when I announced I’m not manufacturing weapons anymore, stocks are dropping, but that’s fine, I’ll fix it. This might be the most gratifying thing I’ve ever done,” he says and Peter gives him a look. “Except you baby. That’s a given,” he adds and Peter smiles, snuggling in more to his side.

“Uh huh. When you’re done with all that can we go on vacation somewhere?” he asks. “I’m bored.”

Tony kisses the top of his head, “whatever you want,” he murmurs and Peter grins. And all his teachers told him he’d end up alone in a shack, look at him now.

[bellygunnr]

do you think Gordon ever got sick? either hlvrai or half life. thank you!! :}

(( theyre both stupid bastards who get sick but go 2 work anyway but here's HL uhhhh gofos freegan

 A migraine was not enough to stop him from going into work. The pain was concentrated in his right temple, intense and aching, making the searing overhead lights of Sector C blurry and uneven. It was a wonder how he even got past the door, though the muscle memory of autopilot could let a man do anything.

 His footsteps echoed unnaturally loudly off the smooth tile as he forces his way into his office. The world sways out from beneath him as he sits down, dizziness overtaking him in one fell swoop. He white-knuckles the edge of his desk, breathing fast and shallow. Maybe this was more than a migraine. Maybe he was genuinely sick. 

 Maybe he had three papers due tomorrow that couldn't afford to wait. 

 Maybe, as he got the papers free from their folder prison, hands shaking, he finds that staring at the tiny text of his labels is far too much. The effort earns him stabs of pain in his skull, eliciting a soft whimper. Gordon folds himself over his desk, gripping his head. To that end, he doesn't notice or hear his office door squeaking open, or the heavy footfalls of one notorious Security guard. He barely registers a hand gently resting on his shoulder. 

 "Awh, Dr. Freeman. I almost didn't believe it when she told me, but you really are sick, aren't you?" Barney says from above, his tone worried. "You shouldn't be in." 

 He looks up blearily, only to wince at the overhead lights. The next moment, they go dark altogether. That... was much better, actually. He goes slack into-- into Barney's side apparently, because whatever he landed on was softer than the desk. 

 "Don't go conkin' your head, now. Come on, I'll cover for ya."

[21-torpedo-salvo]

tentacles/science mishap Freehoun

The testing had gone awry. Damage to the pheropod, accidental though it was, had caused a discharge of pheromones that quickly permeated the lab with a decidedly odd scent. It was different from other odors Gordon knew the pods to create-- it was heavier, making his tongue tingle as he inadvertently inhaled it, and floral. Bemused, he squeezed the misshapen pod once more, puffing another blast of that scent directly into his face.

What the hell was he doing. Coughing, he shoves the pod back into its enclosure and hastily makes for the sink in the back of the lab. Warm heat was starting to seep into his skin, offsetting the cold rush of water as he splashes it copiously over his face and eyes. Once he was sure he'd gotten the worst of it, he stepped back.

The floral scent would not leave his nose. In fact, he caught himself inhaling deeper, guided by some urge. How much of that stuff did he inhale?

Was the pheropod damaged or just different from other pheropods? The Vortigaunts had never mentioned an effect like this. The longer he stood here, thoughts racing, the worse it got. The heat was starting to crawl into his belly and between his legs, which inadvertently made him think of Barney.

The door to the lab clicked open. Gordon whirls around to face it, feeling parts of his body lurch to answer. Fabric tears as extra appendages sprout free, too impatient to go beneath the hem.

In the doorway, Barney stands, hand still on the knob and blinking rapidly.

"Uh... Is this a bad time, Doc? I figured you could use a bite to eat, but I can go, if you want..." Barney says cautiously, eyeing the tentacles poised in the air. "Did you spill some perfume in here or somethin'? What's that smell?"

Gordon stares at him. He slowly raises his hands, asking for Barney to close tbe door. Step inside, draw the curtains, he's got a favor to ask.

The windows are covered with soft clicks. Barney turns to look at him, eyebrow raised, a question plain in his expression. He leans back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest.

"You are okay, aren't you, Doc?" Barney asks slowly.

"I'm fine," Gordon replies. "I did something stupid. I accidentally squeezed a pheropod in my face and it's... having an unusual side effect."

As he speaks, he watches Barney start to palm himself, broad hand sliding over the crotch of his jeans. He squeezes and gropes himself through the fabric, but judging from the still-focused expression on Barney's face, it's subconscious.

Gordon struggles a moment, hands waving. The he continues.

"Pheropods aren't supposed to affect humans like this, or at least, they haven't until now..."

"You're not human, though," Barney replies, head tilting.

"Look at you, Barn," Gordon replies crossly.

Barney looks confused at first. He grinds the heel of his palm down against his junk before abruptly stopping, face burning as he realizes his actions.

"Holy shit," he breathes. "Didn't even-- well, shoot, Gordon," Barney says, eyes wide.

Gordon feels the tentacles under his clothes writhe. There's one starting to crawl down into his pants, seeking the pit of heat growing quickly between his legs. His hips jerk as he feels the rounded edge prod at his cunt.

He watches Barney push off from tbe counter. He swaggers toward Gordon, his eyes gleaming with a familiar determination. At least one of them has made up their mind-- and Gordon is inclined to agree.

"We might as well own it," Barney says lowly. "Kiss me?"

Gordon makes a whining sound at the proposition. Eagerly, he grabs Barney's arms and pulls him close, meeting him halfway for the kiss. A change in taste is immediate-- the flowery scent has become a flavor, hanging off of Barney's tongue as it licks into his mouth. Strong hands crawl all over his frame, peeling off the shorn clothing and fussing with the button of his trousers.

His back arches as his errant limbs start to move, freed from their prison. Nimble orange tentacles wrap around Barney's arms and thighs-- muscle memory, he realizes with embarrassment, but he quiets tbe urge to haul Barney into the air. He wanted to keep kissing him even as his teeth grew sharper, his tongue thicker.

"You're holdin' back," Barney whines into his mouth. "What's with the self control all of a sudden, Gordie?"

Barney reaches a hand between Gordon's leg. A shudder runs down his spine as he grasps the tentacle there, which had started to move, and slowly removes it.

"Is it 'cause you're touchin' yourself?" He asks thickly. "Here, I have a better idea..."

Gordon feels himself go lightheaded as Barney pops the end of the tentacle into his maw. He sucks on it obscenely, tongue sticking out and saliva pooling, until the tendril responds.

Panting, Gordon starts to strip Barney free. He feels his body tremble with unbidden power as he goes for his pants-- instead of rolling them down, the fabric shreds, rendered useless by burgeoning claws. His human facade was quickly melting, inhibited by the pheromone.

Barney moans around the tentacle. Gordon pushes it in deeper and can't suppress a groan at the sensation. When Barney tries to speak around it, he hefts him into the air.

It's a couple more moments of face-fucking Barney, suspended in the air, before he deigns to withdraw the tendril. He revels in the sight of Barney panting open-mouthed, tongue lolling out.

"You look... so fucking hot," Barney growls. "Let me put my face between your legs. Please. I want to eat you out so bad right now, Gordie," he says, and wiggles his hips.

Gordon gently pries open Barney's legs. His cock hangs heavy between them, clearly erect and growing harder. He lets a tentacle toy with his balls, rolling them over the pliable tendril. He smiles as Barney bucks his hips involuntarily.

"C'mon, Doc," Barney whines.

Gordon likes watching Barney from this position. His skin is flushed dark all over-- excitement and arousal, presumably, with a needy expression. His throat warbles with every mewl and moan brought on by Gordon's gentle teasings, tentacles rubbing warm circles into sensitive flesh.

Carefully, Gordon draws Barney closer. He can feel himself drip from between his legs, already soaked. His tentacles tighten on Barney's frame.

"Can I tie you up?" Gordon asks, eyes lidding.

Barney keens at him. "'Course," he says roughly. "Wanna eat you out. Please, Dr. Freeman."

Fuck. Gordon shudders at the title. Quickly, he wraps Barney up with the rest of his tendrils. He ties his arms to his sides, wrists crossed behind his back, but keeps his legs decidedly spread. Then, with great care, he slots Barney's face between his legs.

The effect is immediate. A hot tongue thrusts its way past his cunt, lapping superficially at the fluid before touching skin. Chapped lips wrap around his clit, suckling gently before the tongue takes over. Eventually, Barney pushes his way deeper, nose burying into the hair.

Gordon leans over onto the desk, a low moan escaping him. He feels possessed by the need to-- to do something, anything, to abate this heat and leave his mark. Static fills his head as Barney really starts to move, obscene noises leaking from his mouth.

He withdraws tentacles from Barney's cock. He still rubs carefully at his balls while other tendrils grope and squeeze his rear before pushing inside. They're already dribbling an orange slick that stains the skin, glittering as it dries, and there's little resistance in stuffing Barney full.

Barney's moans are swallowed by Gordon's cunt. He shifts his hips down, knowing he's practically smothering him, but he's rewarded by his cock jumping and hips jerking. Any words he says turn into sweet vibrations, an intense sensation.

Gordon moans lowly as he fills Barney up. Tactile feedback from his tentacles always feels strange, but informative, and he can feel every twitch and spasm of Barney's muscles accommodating. The slick makes the journey easier, and gradually, he inserts a second tentacle.

"Gordonnnn," Barney moans, voice pitching. "Gordon, Gordon..."

He pushes in and out of Barney in time with his chants. It's not long before he's grinding across Barney's face with the impromptu rhythm, surely covering him in mess, but all he gets is another lurid moan.

It's not long before Gordon is falling out of tempo. He fucks Barney hungrily, tentacles thrusting deeper inside on every pass until the crescendo of heat in his belly suddenly falls. Beneath him, he feels Barney cum against his face, cock twitching with every spurt.

They slump down over each other, panting and spent.