#that is not the piece I bought for my beloved teacher | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seravphs · 1 year ago

Text

I caught a moment to catch up with DDAO :)

"You leave a piece of yourself behind every time a child cries." rip mc...my beloved...I need Yaga to get on introducing therapy to Jujutsu High ASAP 😭

"It’s reaching that time of year you feel the most lethargic, where people and time pass by you in a blur. In the spring you’ll wake up fully, and it’ll the cold will have faded like a bad dream." Off-topic but I'm so sad summer is ending! Also rip mc please google seasonal depression for me thanks babe

Rip mc makes me so so sad with her willingness to prioritize others but not herself. She got up instantly when she was worried that Shoko was cold but she wouldn't do the same for herself and it's so heartbreaking to see.

I hate to see rip mc isolate herself even further from the world. I think this year of my life in particular has taught me about how quickly time runs - and runs out, in particular. Entire weeks disappearing of her life...where she's alone...I'm deeply worried. So often throughout DDAO I want to reach into that universe and wrap my arm around rip mc.

This is a HUGE tangent lmao skip the next paragraph to ignore me talking to myself

Rip mc isn't even catholic (afaik) 😭 but she's so self flagellating. I think part of the reason rip mc makes me so sad is she reminds me a lot of high school. It's such a deeply (often specifically teenage) girl mindset to punish yourself for your desires. This is not that relevant to DDAO but there's something painfully resonant about the way rip mc is going about this. Tbf rip mc is (in her own opinion because stsg are morons and terrible at communicating) a homewrecker so it isn't THAT applicable BUT in general it just feels like looking into my own past to see rip mc take on the weight of a literal apocalypse, her world collapsing, and blame herself for it. I read something once which I wish I could find again about how Jesus could never be a woman because female suffering isn't subversive, it's expected. Suguru was there! Suguru was very much in control of his own actions in that moment! But rip mc is laying the price of destruction at the feet of her greed and it makes me so miserable :( I feel like so often women are socially conditioned to want less, to be less greedy. Bitter over this forever.

Back to DDAO

LMAO SHOKO she's so real I love her. I'm also very pragmatic so I feel like that's how I would react. I think Shoko is my self-insert in DDAO haha: takes care of rip mc and is the voice of reason.

We know so little about Mimiko and Nanako, it's nice to imagine a world where they get to grow up as normally as they can. With friends, teachers, a social life etc. God. Life gets better, don't read JJK lmaooo not a single person (worth caring about) in this damned series is happy.

Something I really like about DDAO is how it's like JJK, since it's canon-adjacent, but also how much I feel like I'm talking with my friends about her toxic situationships like I really am watching rip mc interact with stsg with the fond horror of two girls sitting across from each other in a restaurant booth recounting what happened last week in their lives.

Megumi is such a good kid.

I can't seem to remember rip mc liking sweets. Maybe it was just a random choice but since she just saw Gojo, I also can't help but wonder if she bought one because of him.

HE'S SUCH A GOOD KID.

I think I've talked about this before, but I feel so strange about aging. I don't mean this in the conventional spoon fed aging propaganda sense because I'm not afraid of wrinkles/etc. It's more that recently, I've become so aware of the concept of 'youth' - and the fact that I'm losing it. At some point last year, I turned eighteen, and this year, nineteen, then the year after that, I'll turn twenty - how did I get so far from four and six and eight? What happened? It's terribly beautiful and beautifully terrible because change is inevitable and yet so scary. I'm evolving with the world, or perhaps it's evolving with me, but I'm at a loss for how to react to that.

Rip mc's monologue about returning to a place she knew with the sudden awareness of her lack of being a child really hit home. Many things I've loved are memories now. I loved stars, too. I miss my mom and dad, too. And no matter how much I miss them (my parents are alive I just spent my first year away from them at college lol), I can't go back to the past! I can scream and cry and beg but I can never, ever go back.

Both rip mc and I are going to have to learn to be okay with that. Somehow. Wow. If I keep relating to rip mc I will consider seeking professional help. Thanks Morgan!

Megumi's such a good kid, it makes me endlessly sad and happy. Nothing like Fushiguro Toji made me laugh, though. I think that would've made Toji happy too.

I can't stand stsg. They're so evil 😭. Stsg and rip mc really are such a dynamic because she's weak to their advances specifically. Like who else are they trying this on that it would work? Just her. Poor baby.

stsg being shocked by how easy it was to get rip mc to agree made me laugh.

One day I will see rip mc develop some sense of self worth. One day. I know it'll happen. DDAO chapter 289. I'll be there and I'll be celebrating with champagne.

The realization that the mission that traumatized rip mc so badly was just a grade 2 mission made me physically flinch. I'm really bouncing between jjk canon and 'girl he said WHAT' and it's so good. Whiplash between stsg being assholes per usual and fuck, I forgot that these are child soldiers who somehow made it to adulthood - with all the baggage of being child soldiers.

I should get used to rip mc pulling away from people who want to take care of her but I never do. JJK never goes into detail with how horribly traumatic the lives of sorcerers actually are. Gojo didn't blink in reaction to some of his oldest friends dying. It feels so good, even if it's so horribly sad, to get that experience with rip mc and see how this life of blood and curses has affected her.

Sorry I actually DO love that Gojo is feeding rip mc lmaooo. I got so excited to read that scene. He's terrible and it's so fun! Kiss tax hahaha. Love him. I actually think Gojo wouldn't like my personality irl because he's a terrible bully but I would play along too well and he wouldn't get the reactions he wanted. I think I’d actually get along better with literally anyone else haha

This one made me really introspective and moody. It might be the end of a season affecting me. Either way, it was incredible per usual. Hope you're enjoying Japan and having lots of fun!

dog days are over | chapter five

pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader x geto suguru warnings/tags (for this chapter): mentions of virginity loss, threesomes, depression (the holy trinity lmfao), birth control, full on dissociative panic attack but not in detail, obligatory stsg warning. also cheating mention (but not really gojo is just jealous and geto likes the attention. they gaslight each other for fun btw) word count: ~9.2k

fic masterlist read on ao3

The nightmares start after Nagoya.

You wake up bleary eyed and distinctly worn out, with a heaviness in your chest that you carry with you. It only gets heavier.

The auxiliary manager you worked with promised to share any more relevant information with you about the case. You should have left it at that.

It becomes harder to stay uninvolved in your assignments, you're beginning to find, especially when innocent lives are taken.

You leave a piece of yourself behind every time a child cries.

You sit up from your bed and glance at the clock above the doorway. 11:54 AM. Light streams in from your windows, and you close your eyes in the temporary warmth before it fades, leaving your room cold. Outside, the trees are barren and the overcast is gray in preparation for the upcoming winter. It’s reaching that time of year you feel the most lethargic, where people and time pass by you in a blur. In the spring you’ll wake up fully, and it’ll the cold will have faded like a bad dream.

It's almost Satoru's birthday.

It’s cold. You feel goosebumps form on your arms. It occurs to you that you may have forgotten to turn on the heat in your apartment. Central heat. A rare luxury in these types of apartments. But you don’t want to leave the warmth of your bed, so you lie back down and curl into your bed.

Just as you’re about to succumb back to temporary emptiness, the door to your bedroom is thrown open. You wince as the door slams into the wall, raising your head.

“Something happened,” Shoko says plainly, crossing her arms. “I hope you haven’t been hiding from me on purpose.”

You don’t recall giving Shoko a key. But you must have, if she’s inside of your apartment. Guilt churns in your stomach. You’ve been avoiding not just her, but Satoru and Suguru. You’re unsure of how to act around them anymore. You don’t know how much you can tell her. How much you should.

Then she lightly frowns. “Why is it so cold in here?”

You sit up, worried the cold might be bothering her. “Let me turn on the heat.”

Before you can stand, she waves you off, taking off her coat and lazily throwing it on a nearby chair. “Forget that,” she sighs, walking over to your bed and motioning you over. “Move over.”

You wordlessly comply, scooting to the far end of the bed as she settles next to you, lifting the covers over her body.

The two of you look at each other, at the opposite ends of your pillow, sharing your comforter. At the warmth of her body, you almost close your eyes. You think if you fell asleep now, no nightmares would come to you.

“Shoko,” you say quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

But you had. Days passed in a blur. You didn’t give much thought to it, devoting all your efforts to routine. Luckily, there were no assignments after Nagoya. This bitter winter is a slow season for curses. You went from your apartment to Tokyo University and back, buried yourself in your studies, and blocked out the world. You hadn’t meant to. You kept on telling yourself you’d reply to that text, that you’d show your face again, that you’d pretend everything was alright even though it wasn’t. Now you’ve caused Shoko undue worry.

She simply looks at you. “Something happened at the party, didn’t it?”

You think of Satoru. Then Suguru. It’s the most you’ve thought about them in weeks. You don’t want to think about them because the longer you do, the more your thoughts stray in ways it shouldn’t.

You pull your covers up to your chin, troubled, and your silence speaking volumes. She softens.

“Never mind. I’m not here to force you to talk,” she pauses. “But if something happened. Something you didn’t want , then I want you to tell me.” She exhales. “Even if it’s Satoru and Suguru. Especially if it’s those two.”

It wasn’t…They didn’t…They…

You’re conflicted. “They wouldn’t…” you trail off weakly.

She looks at you blankly.

“It…”

You bury your face into your comforter. You don’t have the words to explain. It’s okay, you want to tell her. You’re more worried about Satoru and Suguru’s relationship than anything else. They’re arguing about something, you want to tell her, and engaging in acts with you you know they’ll regret. You’ve never cared much for what they do with you. You’d do anything, give them everything if they asked. If she asked. You lower the blanket.

She eyes you, suspicion lining her face. “Did they—”

“No,” you blurt out before she can finish. “Yes. Maybe.” You hesitate. “It wasn’t…”

Bad.

It feels like an admission of guilt. It felt so good it was horrible. You shouldn’t have enjoyed it. You shouldn’t have succumbed to the pleasure, not when the future of Satoru and Suguru’s relationship hung in the balance. It’s your fault, you think once again. The world is collapsing on top of you, and you can’t help but think it’s punishment for your existence. For taking more than you should have.

“Are you on birth control?”

You stare at her. “What?”

“Birth control,” she repeats, deathly serious. She rises from the bed. “I should get you started now—”

You reach for her delicate wrist, stopping her. “It’s not like that!” Your face warms with embarrassment. “I promise, it’s not like that.”

It's not that serious, you're sure. Even the thought gives you pause, makes you apprehensively embarrassed. It's not...like that.

Luckily, it’s something you don’t have to worry or think about.

“...If you say so.” She says, not believing you in the slightest. She retakes her position on the bed. “So,” she says after a pause. “Shirokami visited the infirmary.”

Right. You forgot Hideo had gone and introduced himself to Shoko.

Your stomach flutters, nervous. “Did you like him?”

“I did,” she replies. “He’s…” a thoughtful pause. “Nice. A country boy.” A wry smile. “Nothing like those two. At all. It’s refreshing, actually.”

Relief. You suppose he did grow up in the countryside, so it’s not too far off from the mark. As for being like Satoru or Suguru…

You resolve not to be hurt. The two of them are under no obligation to meet anyone. You won’t be hurt.

“He made it seem like the two of you are close friends.”

You’re sure he’s just being polite. Hideo is nice like that. Nonetheless, it makes you a bit happy to hear you made an impression on him. That he thinks of you fondly. He considers you a friend. Maybe there’s hope for you after all.

The comforter is warm with the shared heat of your bodies. Sleep calls out to you.

“He…scares me a little,” you say quietly. Hideo reminds you of a part of your life you don’t like to revisit. He makes you feel like a child again, afraid to be alone. “There’s a lot I don’t like to remember…about…back then. But I’m glad I met him again.”

“I see,” she says, smiling. “Then me too. I’m glad the two of you found each other again.”

You blink drowsily, smiling back at her. Shoko’s face is the last thing you see before heaviness drags your eyelids to darkness.

—

When you wake up, you are pleasantly revitalized and a little more alert. Shoko is gone, but there’s takeout on your kitchen counter. You take a bite of the Vietnamese noodles and realize that your taste buds have somewhat returned. You eat the entire meal, full for the first time in what seems like months.

You reply to a text from Hideo about the crowd at Shibuya crossing, smiling at the litany of exclamation points accompanying by his texts. You realize Megumi texted you earlier, about when you’d be coming by again and another pang of guilt hits you. You’ve been neglecting the kids too, lately. You wouldn't survive Mimiko and Nanako's wide eyes, gazing up at you, pleading at you to stay with them.

It’s six now, and the sky is pitch black. You know for a fact that Suguru and Satoru won’t be at the apartment until later. Yaga-sensei had mentioned Gakuganji visiting Tokyo accompanied by several other clan members for some annual conference. You didn’t pay attention to the details.

You…could visit. Suguru would have already fed the kids by now. Maybe you could take Megumi and the girls out for dessert. Or order something to the apartment. You feel lighter at the thought. Spending time with the kids always made you feel better. It’s something you can do, as small as it is. Small things.

Small steps.

You change and you’re out the door shortly. It doesn’t take you long to reach the apartment, greet the doorman, and take the elevator up. You knock. A few minutes later, the door swings opens, revealing Megumi.

“Hi,” you say brightly. “Have you been well?”

“Fine.” He lets you in. “Don’t you have a key?”

You laugh, still a bit breathless from the cold as you hang your coat up. “It doesn’t feel right to use it. I’m still a guest after all.”

Megumi doesn’t respond to that as the two of you enter the living room. It’s unusually quiet. “Where are the girls?”

“Mimiko and Nanako are with their friends. Tsumiki stayed after school for club.”

Just a couple of years ago, the thought of Mimiko and Nanako willingly spending time out of the apartment would have been a surprise. The two of them had been so recalcitrant about attending school. Suguru wanted to keep them homeschooled while Satoru thought putting them in school would be the best way to ease them out of their shell. It had taken time and patience, with several bad days, but eventually the two warmed up to their teachers and fellow classmates, Nanako especially. And where Nanako went, Mimiko always followed.

Mimiko had flowered into a sociable butterfly following her reintegration into society. It makes you happy to know that the two are alright now, so readily available to spend time with their friends.

“Just me and you, huh.” Megumi wouldn’t leave you though. Not yet. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah,” he states. “Earlier. I was just finishing my homework.”

You glance at the kitchen counter, finding Megumi’s homework spread around. “You don’t usually do your homework outside your room.”

“It’s quiet with everyone gone,” he says bluntly.

You smile, taking a seat as Megumi slides in next to you. He resumes his homework, and you let him carry on, helping him when he asks, simply content to watch. A few pauses during this science homework which you help him through easily. He glides through his English homework, and you feel unnaturally proud of him as you proofread his work.

It doesn’t take him long to finish. Soon, he’s gathering his homework up and packing it into his backpack.

“I was thinking,” you start. You hear the door open in the distance. It must be the girls. Perfect timing. “That we could all go out for—”

You turn, every hair on your body rising in panic.

“Sato—s’guru,” you blurt out, frozen. “What are you guys doing back so early?” Your question comes out more accusative than you intended. Of course they could come back as early as they wanted. It was their home after all. You were the interloper.

It’s just..

You thought that you’d have a little longer!

The two of them look at you. You shift uncomfortably, gaze bouncing from them to the floor to the wall behind to anything else. You’re a little more aware of the heat of their gazes on you, pinning you to the spot. Your collar feels warm, nerves jumping beneath your skin.

“The meeting ended early,” Suguru says amicably, smiling at you in a way that would be reassuring at any other given moment. “Satoru didn’t want to stick around.”

Satoru is oddly quiet, gazing at you. Even with his sunglasses on, you feel the weight of it, that prickle that tells you he’s focusing his attention on you. Your bottom lip twinges. You are determined not to meet his gaze. Or hold Suguru’s for too long.

Satoru cocks his head to the side. “You staying over?”

You think it’s Satoru’s way of telling you to leave. That you’ve outstayed your welcome. Suguru is too nice to say it outright.

“No,” you say, voice thin, throat growing thick. “I’m leaving now.”

“Can we talk?” Suguru asks quietly after murmuring your name. He gazes at you.

That’s the last thing you want. To be alone with the two of them. You don’t want to hear what they have to say. You want to imagine things to be okay, just for a little longer. Until you can’t.

“I’m sorry!” You say suddenly, antsy, hit by a sudden need to justify your presence at their home. You hope Megumi forgives you for the lie you’re about to tell. You glance down at him. “I just came over because Megumi needed school supplies!”

There’s a long silence.

A shadow of a twitch of an eyebrow falls over Satoru's face. "Since when does Megumi need school supplies?”

Suguru watches you carefully.

Your face burns in silent shame. You stare at the floor, feeling horrible.

“Since today,” Megumi returns testily. “We’ll be going now.”

Satoru looks mortally offended.

Megumi takes your hand and walks you out while you can't bring yourself to lift your head.

Outside, you bury your face into your knees. “Sorry,” you mumble. “Just give me a few…”

You squeeze your eyes shut and take a shuddering breath while your heart races in your ears.

“Are Satoru and Suguru okay?” You suddenly ask Megumi, who stays silent next to you. “Any issues?”

“They’re the same as ever,” Megumi says tonelessly, but his face is softer in its worry.

You smile. “I’m fine,” you tell him reassuringly.

He's right. If anything, at least the two of them don’t seem to be fighting. Not like they were during the wedding. But you still don’t think you can go back in there, and now you’ve forced Megumi out of the apartment.

You feel a mixture of guilt and horrible, horrible dread slowly spreading through you.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I shouldn’t have come. You probably don’t want to be out this late—”

“I don’t mind,” Megumi says. “I was going to take a walk anyway.”

That brings a small smile to your face. “It’s a bit late to take a walk, don’t you think?”

He shrugs. You feel a bit better at the fact that he’s not bothered at your impromptu outing. Rising, you take his hand once more. “Then let’s walk.”

You and Megumi walk around the neighborhood. The streets are dark, illuminated by streetlights in the mostly residential area. Other than the occasional dog walking passerby, the two of you walk in comfortable silence. Until the two of you find yourself all the way in Shibuya with its bright lights and noise. It’s easy to get lost in the lights of Tokyo’s busy nightlife. Throngs of people pass you by as you meander, following the crowd, with no particular destination in mind.

The two of you stop by a 7-11 tucked a bit further away from the bustle. You buy yourself a strawberry daifuku and ask Megumi if he wants anything. He isn’t hungry, so you buy him green tea.

More aimless walking takes you to Sakuragaokachō, away from the crowd. Streetlights and dark buildings greet you, but something about the area looks familiar. Nudges at muscle memory, the nerves in your foot. If Megumi notices your pace pick up, he doesn’t say anything.

You make your way down the street and slowly approach.

It’s a small, odd shaped building. With a curved dome of a roof that makes it look like a half moon.

You stare. “I think I used to come here.”

You remember the pitch blackness of a room, the steady hum of the ac that had filled the room, and the slow blinking of the stars coming alight on the ceiling. You remember this building.

The memory feels distorted. Incomplete. You feel like a clumsy child putting together a 500 piece puzzle, slotting pieces that don’t fit together. Your head hurts.

There’s a sign taped to the window next to the entrance. You momentarily squint.

Closing for good. All bookings are final.

Closing…for good…

Megumi calls your name.

“Sorry,” you blink it all away. “It’s nothing.”

“...Do you want to go in?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…”

“It’s still open.”

“That’s okay.” You don’t want to force Megumi along with your whims even more than you already have tonight.

“I want to go in,” Megumi points inside. “We can buy tickets right now. It’s the last show”

He looks serious enough that you consider it, glancing at the building. If it were any other child but Megumi you might have worried that it would be boring. “Alright,” you say slowly, less troubled. “If you really don’t mind…”

He tugs you forward. The two of you enter the carpeted lobby and approach the usher who hands you two tickets without much fanfare and tells you that this is the last showing of the night. To your great relief, nothing looks familiar. It’s all different. It might not even be the planetarium you had regularly been taken to as a child.

The two of you enter the dark room faintly lit by dim stars dotting the curved ceiling. There are three couples scattered across the room. You let Megumi pick your seats in the corner and slide in next to him on the reclining seats.

The seating is different. It used to be standard seating in rows. You think. You aren’t sure. Maybe you just aren’t remembering it right. You must not be remembering anything right, right now. You’re buffeted by a perturbed feeling that grows stronger with every passing second.

The room is enveloped in darkness. A recorded woman’s voice begins to play. One by one the zodiacs appear above you while the voice drones on about creation myths and history. Amanominakanushi, Takamimusubi, Kamimusubi.

Different constellations are projected onto the ceiling, constantly in motion, forming new shapes, fading in and out.

You used to come here. You were a child then. You aren’t a child anymore. Nothing is the same. You aren’t that naive child that had proclaimed this planetarium your favorite place in the world. You hadn’t cared about the planetarium as much as you loved being pressed against your warm father, and his steady hand on your head. Your mother’s hushed whispers pointing out more stars.

You suddenly can’t breathe. You are keenly aware of Megumi right next to you, the humming of the air condition in the background, the narrator on the speakers, and every single breath trapped in your chest. Your head spins.

You close your eyes, slowly fisting your knuckles until they’re tight, feeling your legs and arms go numb. It’ll pass. It’ll pass. Don’t bother Megumi. It’ll pass. It’ll pass.

“—a’am”

“She’s occupied.”

Megumi’s curt voice.

When you open your eyes, the lights are on and you are on the floor, clutching your knees to your chest. You blink, readjusting to the light.

The attendant looks unsure. She looks barely out of high school. “The show’s over and we have to clean up so…”

“Right,” you say unsteadily, embarrassment slowly creeping in. You stand. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright…” She looks more relieved than bothered. “The exit’s to the right.”

You quickly gather Megumi and make a dash for the outside.

“Sorry,” you tell him breathlessly, once the two of you have made it far away enough that the embarrassment isn’t as painful. You squeeze your eyes shut, press your hands into your eyes, and take a big gulp of air. “Megumi,” you mumble. “I’m really embarrassed right now.”

“It’s okay,” he says quietly.

There’s a horrible, sinking feeling in your stomach. You kneel down, meeting him at eye level, and manage your best smile. “Hey,” you say, cupping his face with your palm to even your gazes. You meet the dark purple of his eyes, the sincerity in their depths, and think that Megumi has all Fushiguro Toji’s roughness and grit, but none of his meanness. He couldn’t be more different than his father. Your Megumi is a good boy. “I’m alright. Thank you for spending the night with me.”

His gaze lowers. “Yeah.”

You stand back up, brushing your pants off. “I should take you back to Satoru and Suguru now…” You take out your phone to call a cab, but Megumi speaks up.

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

Your first thought, guiltily, is relief. You can’t send Megumi to the apartment himself so you resigned yourself to having to face Suguru and Satoru once more. You have a late morning tomorrow. It’s Saturday so Megumi doesn’t have school either. It’s the perfect opportunity.

You smile. “Of course you can.”

——

You text Satoru and Suguru that the two of you have arrived home, shut your phone off, and find Megumi already tucked underneath the covers of your bed. Thankfully Megumi had left some of his clothes the last time he had visited. You watch him for another minute, the steady rise and fall of his body, and the smallness of him. For once, he looks his age. Just another sleeping child.

A couple of years and he’d be as tall as you. You doubt the two of you would be able to comfortably share a bed as the two of you do now. You observe him, adjusting his sheets, smoothing out his hair, until you join him in slumber.

——

You wake up with a start, a scream building in your throat.

Megumi isn’t in bed. It’s still dark out. Fear grips your heart as you look around your room. Maybe your shuffling had woken him up and he had gone into your guest room to sleep. The thought makes you feel marginally better. But you also feel bad. You should’ve delivered him back to the apartment, swallowing down your discomfort in exchange for Megumi’s sleep.

“I got you water.”

You startle. It’s Megumi standing in the darkness of your doorway. You blink, adjusting to how the shadows meld into him, almost swallowing him whole.

Your throat happens to be parched. “Thank you,” you rasp out as Megumi presses the glass into your hand and climbs back into the bed. You drain the glass. “Did I wake you?”

Megumi’s silence tells you everything.

You sigh. “I’m sorry. It’s not usually this…” Bad. You figure it’s all the stress of your life. And then with Nagoya…

Megumi looks at you. “You were…” he trails off, pulling the covers up higher, up to his neck. “Nevermind. It’s nothing.”

You hope you haven’t been talking in your sleep.

Megumi falls asleep easily enough again, while you thread your fingers through his hair.

When sleep claims you once more, you hope for the forgiving light of the morning to come quickly.

You’re about to head home from the campus of jujustu tech when you catch a glimpse of blonde hair in your peripheral, turning the corner to the courtyard.

“Nanami!” You call out, and the figure stops.

Your kouhai turns to you as you approach, a respectful downtilt of his head. “Senpai.”

It’s been a while since you’ve seen him. He looks as good as you can normally attribute to him. Straight laced and responsible. Nanami’s always had a maturity to him that you’ve always thought highly of. It’s been years since the two of you were in high school, but sometimes you can still see the slight sullen downturn of his lips when Satoru does something particularly annoying. Some things don’t change.

“How have you been?” Judging from the overnight duffel in his grip, he must have just gotten back from an assignment of his own.

“The same as always,” he responds. “Thank you for asking.” A sensible answer you’d expect from him. He pauses, looking you over, the tinted eyepiece over his eyes offering you nothing. His gaze doesn’t pity you. He doesn’t offer you condolences. It’s an understanding that makes every single troubling thought resurface.

Oh, you think.

“I heard,” he says quietly. About Nagoya.

Your smile turns tight. You force it wider. “It’s over now.” You don’t know what else to say.

“The children…”

It’s a rare moment when Nanami is at a loss for words. You hadn’t expected Nanami of all people to bring this up in conversation. You’re not as upset as you could be about it. Talking to Nanami is and always has been…surprisingly easy.

“An aunt volunteered to raise them.” You think of the shell shocked son and the blank eyed older daughter. Your mouth turns sour. You stare at your shoes. Hopefully, they’ll get settled in soon. You will yourself to say the words but nothing comes out.

Nanami understands. “Ah. I see.”

The two of you stay silent.

“Nanami!” A voice exclaims loudly.

Satoru.

You don’t have time to react before Satoru is there, in front of you, loudly slapping Nanami on the back. You wince, both at the noise and Satoru’s sudden unwanted arrival. “If I didn’t know better I’d say you were ignoring—”

Wordlessly, Nanami inclines his head to you once more, before turning on his heels and walking in the opposite direction of where he had been headed previously.

“He hasn’t changed one bit!” Satoru sighs. “Just when I thought the shared bonds of adulthood brought us closer…”

“...”

You wonder if you can slowly inch away.

He turns to you, as if sensing your intentions. You brace yourself for impact.

Satoru cocks his head to the side, studying you in silence, gaze shielded. You swallow, pulse starting up as you stare back at him.

“Seven tonight,” he finally says, to your great confusion. “Wear that…” he twirls a finger, “dress.”

A slow smile pulls at his lips. His fingers smooth out the collar of your dress shirt, and you swallow nervously when his fingers brush the heat of your neck. “Suguru barely got to see it, you know?”

Oh.

You hadn’t even thought about it since you shoved it back into your closet, hadn’t touched it. It felt wrong to throw it out. Shoko picked it out specially for you. Despite it all, you wanted to hang on to it.

He takes a step forward. You take a step back into the wall. He leans into you.

“Don’t be late!”

–

You hadn’t planned on wearing the dress. Then you looked up the restaurant on Google and nearly dropped your phone at the price range.

After taking your jacket, the hostess brings you to one of the private rooms in the back before leaving with a bow. You hover at the shoji, feeling anxiety grip you tightly, knowing that Satoru and Suguru are already inside. You wonder if you have to. You could lie, make up some excuse about an emergency as (un)well as it would be received.

The door abruptly slides open before you can decide.

“There you are,” Satoru simply says.

You aren’t given time to do anything else but take off your shoes as Satoru takes you by the wrist with an ironclad grip and leads you to the opposite of the table where Suguru is already seated.

He smiles at you as you slowly lower yourself onto the tatami matting floor. Even now, you still find comfort in Suguru’s smiles. It feels wrong.

“Have you eaten?” He asks as Satoru settles down next to him. “The wagyu here is famous.”

“I’m fine,” you say tightly. Hunger is the last thing on your mind as Satoru and Suguru watch you. Suguru with a carefully crafted smile, and Satoru with an unreadable expression. You’re so nervous you might pass out.

You stare down at your lap.

You are saved from the silence when a waitress knocks and enters the room with a tablet in her hands. Satoru begins listing off an obscene amount of food with Suguru occasionally chiming in with one thing or another. Wagyu, house smoked salmon, lobster, a colorful variety of more seafood, and more. They must be hungry.

Satoru goes quiet. You realize the waitress is waiting for your order. You raise your gaze with a small, polite smile. Had there even been a menu? “I’m not hungr—”

“Double everything,” Satoru says.

You stare at him.

“Add hot chrysanthemum tea to that,” Suguru adds.

“And that,” Satoru completes. “Put it all on my card, would you?”

You’re taken aback. You look to the waitress, hoping she hasn’t put in the order yet. “A-Actually—”

“That’ll be all,” Suguru says smoothly. “Thank you.”

The waitress bows and slips out of the room before you have a chance to say anything else. You don’t have time to comprehend her disappearance and you’re left staring at the empty space she had previously occupied, mouth slightly agape. You turn back to them.

“I ate bef—”

“Then you can eat a little more,” Suguru replies easily. A winning smile playing on his lips. “Right?”

You can’t meet Suguru’s gaze, but you feel it travel over you. “...”

When you chance a glimpse up, Satoru’s face is cradled in his palm. His gaze is centered a little lower than your face. You briefly wonder what he’s looking at when your hand automatically comes up to slap the memory of his teeth on your collarbone. The bruise is gone, but with Satoru looking at you like that you can’t be too sure.

The two of them share an infinitely amused glance.

Satoru opens his mouth. You beat him to it.

“I’m sorry!” You blurt out. You feel like it needs to be said before anything else. You clear your throat. “I’m sorry.”

Satoru raises an eyebrow. “Already?”

“What are you apologizing for?” Suguru asks.

Your fists curl, anxious to be speaking everything to existence. You struggled between acknowledgement and the relief of denial. You didn’t want it to be true, but it still happened, hadn’t it? “Everything,” you say plainly. “I didn’t…I don’t want to come between the two of you…I think that the two of you should talk things out more instead of…”

You think of Suguru’s face between your thighs. Satoru’s lips on yours. Your face feels embarrassingly warm. You want to crawl into the nearest closet, shut the door, and burrow into the floor.

There’s a knock on your door. Your waitress places your drinks down and leaves once more. Glad to have something to occupy your hands, your hands circle around the tea mug. It’s hot enough to burn, but the prickling of pain in your hands oddly enough, grounds you.

“It’s okay to be mad,” you say quietly. You should’ve stopped things before they escalated. Instead you let yourself be caught up in everything. “If the two of you want to be mad at each other then I’d rather you be mad at m—”

“Just a second!” Satoru raises his hand.

“Y-yes?”

He proceeds. “We’re not mad at you.”

Satoru meets your wide gaze evenly. Disbelief. You look to Suguru. You need confirmation.

“I was never mad,” he says, regarding you with concern. “More worried.” A wry smile. “You started avoiding us so suddenly…”

The revelation stuns you. They aren’t…mad? They don’t hate you? The two of them know everything. More disbelief. Relief wars with confusion. You don’t know what to think. You thought the worst, and maybe that was all your fault. You’ve always gotten too caught up in your head. It’s easy to spiral when you’re left alone with your thoughts. You don’t like being alone, the loneliness, but it’s your most familiar friend.

“I thought the two of you hated me,” you admit, fingers clinging to the warmth of the tea in your hands in lieu of fidgeting. “I thought the two of you would never want to see me again…” It doesn’t feel real. They aren’t mad. They aren’t mad at you. You could cry from the relief.

You eye them warily. “Are you still fighting?”

It’s Suguru who answers you, expression soft. “You could say we’ve come to a compromise.”

You straighten, feeling lighter than you have in what seems to be ages. They’ve called you here to forget about everything. Everything is alright. Everything is going to go back to how it was. Well, not exactly. Satoru and Suguru may get married in the near or far future, and you'll naturally, slowly, take your leave from their everyday lives. But you’ll still be friends. Suguru will still look at you fondly. Satoru will still afford you the same considerations that everybody else thinks he lacks.

“I’m glad,” you say earnestly with a wide smile. “Then I’ll forget about everything. I’ll pretend nothing happened.”

Everything is going to stay the same. You take immense comfort in that fact. Your nerves settle. You take a long sip of your tea.

The two of them share another look.

Suguru reaches out, his fingers brushing one of your hands that you laid palm down on the table sometime after Suguru told you he was never mad at you. His thumb sweeps over your wrist and you startle, pulse spiking. “Did it feel good?”

You blink. You don’t need to guess to know what he’s referring to. You glance from Suguru to Satoru and then back again, wordlessly opening and closing your mouth. You can’t escape from the question, or their combined scrutiny.

You press your legs together. “It…did…” There’s no need for you to have felt as if you shouldn’t have enjoyed it, but you still feel a pang of guilt. Satoru and Suguru aren’t mad at each other, or at you. They still love each other. Everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to stay the same.

“That’s good,” Suguru says warmly. “I wanted to make you feel good.”

“Oh,” you reply, breathless and unsure. “Thank you.”

Satoru exhales with a laugh that shakes his shoulders. It’s not derisive like you expected. It’s fond and amused. “How about all three of us feel good?”

You blink.

The implications aren’t lost on you. You open your mouth and then close it. Maybe Satoru and Suguru’s odd actions towards you had nothing to do with their argument in the first place. Maybe you were overthinking it all from the start. It’s just sex.

If you could help them feel good, then you don’t mind. “Okay.”

The two of them stare at you.

You wonder why they look so...surprised. It’s not as if you’ve never seen an occasional third breach their bedroom. A man or woman you've never recognized. It’s just sex. It’s normal. You think that maybe, like you, they want the comfort of something familiar. And if anything, you are familiar. But—

You’ve never had sex before.

You hesitate, feeling oddly self conscious about it as your gaze drops back to your lap. You’ve entertained some thoughts about it all, but you always figured the ugly scar on your abdomen would be discomfiting to most. And explaining it…

“I’ve never been with anyone before. I hope that’s alright.” You fidget. “I’ll try my…” you reluctantly meet their gazes, ”best.”

There’s a brief silence.

“That was easy,” Satoru remarks, squinting at you as if you’ve been replaced by an identical lookalike. He glances at Suguru. “We should’ve just done this earlier.” His gaze joins yours once more. “That easy?”

Earlier…

You stare at them, almost dumbfounded.

The two of them should’ve just asked earlier, to save you the emotional turmoil if anything!

It was only ever sex. It only is sex.

You hesitate. You don’t mind. You really don’t. It doesn't need to mean anything, especially with you. You prefer to look at it in simpler terms. Sex can be pleasurable, and with you, that’s all it would ever likely be. You doubt there are any other intentions involved.

Then you say, quietly, meaningfully, “I like…spending time with the two of you…”

A bark of laughter leaves Satoru’s mouth. “Well, we’re not exactly going to be watching movies —”

“You don’t need to,” Suguru suddenly says. “If you don’t want to, then you don’t need to.” He gives you a soft smile despite the sharp jab of his elbow into Satoru’s abdomen. Satoru hisses. Suguru doesn’t miss a beat. “Don’t let this guy pressure you.” There’s a pause. “Everything would stay the same.”

Maybe a part of you had been waiting for those words. Everything would stay the same. Suguru always knows what to say, you think, because his words feel like a confirmation.

“Are you two alright with me?” You ask. “I’m sure there are plenty of other people…” who know what to do.

You are gripped with sudden anxiety and your stomach twists into knots. You don’t know what to do. You wouldn’t know how to make them feel good. You’ll be terrible and they’ll wish they never asked you in the first place. You swallow the knot in your throat. “I’m sure Sasaki-san would love—”

“No,” Suguru’s fingers momentarily tighten over your wrist. “Only you,” he says at the same time Satoru says, “Who the hell is Sasaki?”

You blink. “5’4, brown hair cut into a bob, hazel eyes. She was wearing a silver colored kimono…” You pause thoughtfully, recalling the shapes and patterns. “There was an embroidered crane on it.” Running down the side of her left leg. “She smelled like apple blossoms and had soft hands…” She smelled good. You remember that, along with the heat of her fingers when they brushed your own. You stare down at the hand that had touched her, momentarily lost in thought.

Satoru stares at you blankly while Suguru looks vaguely resigned.

You try again. “The matchmaking ceremony you ditched…?”

Satoru is characteristically unrepentant. “Which one?”

“...”

Suguru looks like he’s trying to stifle laughter.

All those poor girls…

“Masaru Sasaki,” Suguru murmurs. Satoru makes an annoyed face.

“ That girl. She was practically hanging off your arm—” Satoru bites the rest of his sentence off, blue eyes narrowing at Suguru. “You cheatin’ on me?”

Your palms immediately turn sweaty. It could be a joke. It could also not be. Sometimes, with Satoru (and even Suguru at times) it’s hard to tell.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you,” Suguru replies blithely. “Maybe you’ve been neglecting me.”

You busy yourself with your lukewarm cup of tea, unsure of what to do. A second’s glance upwards and you’re met with an amused glint in Suguru’s eyes and a lazy grin curling at his lips.

If Suguru was lonely maybe that was why he sought you out in the first place. The more you think about it, the more it makes sense. You’re not one to comment on things that aren’t your business in the first place, but it seems more and more likely. You knew their boundaries. They knew you’d never push for anything they don’t want. If Satoru doesn’t like Sasaki-san, maybe they compromised on you.

You think back to Suguru’s words. They’ve settled on a compromise. That’s what you are, a compromise. The thought consoles you. In the end, it’s nothing serious. Nothing you should have given more than a second’s consideration. It’s as insignificant as a loose lipped comment. The two of them will have stopped fighting now. You’re glad for it.

Satoru snorts. “Neglecting you right into her open arms,” a derisive twist of his lips, “or should I say le—”

“She seems very nice!” You exclaim, sweating. “It’s not very nice of you to say things like that, Satoru.” You chide lightly, before you smile brightly at Suguru. “She’s very pretty.” You hope you come off encouragingly so that you can convey to Suguru that you are on his side. “She seems wonderful.”

Suguru blankly smiles back.

Luckily you’re saved from having to salvage the conversation when there’s a knock at the door. Your waitress returns with a cart of food, quickly laying down platter after platter. It doesn’t stop until almost every open space on the long wooden table has been filled with seafood. You stare at it. The abundance of it all. Maybe Satoru shouldn’t have doubled everything…

Your tea is refilled as Suguru murmurs his thanks. When the waitress takes her leave you’re still staring at all the food, unsure of where to even start when Suguru sets a stacked plate down in front of you.

You stare at the colorful array of sashimi and uni and the perfectly cooked wagyu. Your stomach already hurts at the coming richness of the meal, but now that the load of potentially ending Satoru and Suguru’s relationship has been lifted off of your shoulders you’re a bit hungrier than you were when you arrived.

Satoru keeps on loading your plate with more and more food. You pick up your chopsticks, intent on slowly shaving down the precariously tilting seafood tower on your plate when he conversationally asks, “So how was Nagoya?” as he places a large piece of uni on your plate.

You think of a sobbing, blood stained child clutching his mother’s severed hand in his arms. Then you think of Megumi.

Your appetite dies, stomach curling inwards.

They don’t know, you think as you look at the both of them seated across from you, waiting for your response. It was classified as a grade 2 mission after all. Two worlds shattered, and it hadn’t even merited a full time auxiliary manager. It’s considered beneath them now, eliciting the same mundane response as Suguru asking Satoru to check the week’s weather so that he can put umbrellas in the kids’ backpacks. The other week Suguru captured a curse that could have easily leveled Tokyo with a crushing tsunami. Satoru had been away in Malaysia.

It was just another child alone in the world, another corpse, another casualty.

You stare at your cup of tea. You hear Nanami’s gentle, quiet murmur in your ears. I heard.

You wonder if this is something you should even bother them with. There are always more important things to worry about than one of your bad days. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. Not really. You don’t matter. You never have.

“It was fine,” you hear yourself say. It was horrible. You’ve been having nightmares again. It’s been a long time since an assignment hit you this hard. “Just another assignment.”

“Did something happen?” Satoru stares you down.

“Not much.” You reply easily, wondering when it had gotten so easy to lie to them. Just about the small things.

You silently pick at a piece of hamachi. It’s not your place to get involved. You can’t get involved in the tragedy of all the assignments that make you feel as if everything you’ve ever done is redundant, even if you can logically acknowledge you’re unlikely to make a real difference. Not on a real, tangible level. It still makes you feel horrible.

You are suddenly, very, very tired.

“Are the kids home?” You want to see Megumi, wrap your arms around him, and squeeze him tightly just to reassure yourself he’s okay. You want him to never have to worry about jujustu society or the responsibility of being a jujustu sorcerer. You want him to be able to choose. It’s wishful thinking. It’s already late and the four of them should be getting ready for bed. You wish you could just hold Megumi, Tsumiki, and the twins. The four of them are so young, and already too old.

Suguru’s smile turns affectionate. “The twins are asleep by now. They had a late night yesterday. But Tsumiki’s probably still up doing her homework. I’m not sure about Megumi…”

“Probably sleeping,” you confirm. An early sleeper, and early riser. The boy had his habits.

“You wanna stop by?” Satoru asks casually.

You blink. You must be imagining the suggestion in his voice.

“I was just wondering about the kids,” you rush out, embarrassed for having even thought it in the first place. Of course not. It’s not as if they were expecting anything from you right now. If anything, you should bring the night to a wrap so the two of them can get back home instead of having to entertain you. “It’s getting pretty late out though, isn’t it? Maybe we should call it a—”

“You haven’t touched your food,” Suguru lightly frowns and although his displeasure isn’t aimed at you, you still feel somewhat chastened. “Still not hungry?”

“A-ah…” You pick your chopsticks once again. “Thank you for the meal,” you murmur, taking a bite of the first thing your chopsticks come into contact with. Octopus. You realize that it might have been rude of you to not eat anything when they’ve so graciously invited you to an expensive restaurant like this. Now that you’ve taken a complimentary swallow, you look up at them expectantly. “I don’t want to keep you two—”

“Maybe we should order some drinks,” Suguru takes a couple of bites out of his own food. “Satoru needs something sugary or he’ll be too restless to sleep tonight.” He sighs forlornly, despite his lips pulling into a teasing smile. “When he gets in a mood, he likes to push me around in bed.”

You blink.

Suguru looks at him, fond. “He’s a horrible sleeper.”

Satoru huffs. “And you love me for it.” A thoughtful pause. “I could use a drink.”

“Great.” Suguru presses the button on the table. It doesn’t take a full minute until your waitress appears in the room. “Your most sugary nonalcoholic drink and a cup of sugar. I’ll take a bottle of your most expensive Junmai Daiginjo. Two cups.”

You open your mouth to object, but Suguru beats you. There’s a concerned look on his face. “Is there something wrong with the food? I thought you would have at least finished your plate…”

Your waitress almost imperceptibly freezes, the smile high on her face. You look to her in a panic. “It’s delicious!” You look to Suguru and say once again, “It’s delicious!”

Satoru looks a few seconds away from breaking into loud laughter. He succumbs, snickering into his elbow.

Suguru breaks into a smile. “I’m glad. You’ll eat some more, won’t you?” Then to the waitress, he says, “Two cups.”

The waitress hightails it out of the room after a bow. You stare at your plate in silence as Suguru and Satoru have a pleasant conversation about how although Satoru hates going to the Zenin compound, he had found something interesting there the last time he visited (two weeks ago). Your ears perk when Suguru says heavenly restriction.

You take another bite of the food on your plate, intent on finishing half of it before your waitress comes back in an effort to make her feel more comfortable.

This time, your drinks are delivered by a waiter. You feel bad for your waitress who had probably asked to be transferred to a different room. Suguru pours you a cup as Satoru takes a long sip of what looks like a strawberry cream float. It looks like something out of an amusement park cafe, but Satoru looks satisfied.

You’re about to ask about the heavenly restriction, when Satoru eyes you.

“I should feed you,” he announces.

You stare at him. “What?”

He stands up abruptly. You watch as he makes his way to your side of the table in three long steps, and plops down next to you. He takes a large piece of uni and holds it up to your lips.

“Open up!” He says cheerily.

You do not open up.

He’s making fun of you, you’re sure of it. “You don’t need to feed me,” you say pointedly. You look to Suguru for help, but you only get a grin in response.

“Indulge him,” it almost sounds sympathetic. “He’s in a mood.”

Up close, his eyes are piercingly determined. You relent, opening your mouth as Satoru places the uni in your mouth.

“Now be good and finish your food,” he says smugly. “Or you can finish the rest on my lap.”

You stare at him in unabashed horror.

"At least try to look somewhat interested," Satoru deadpans.

Suguru snorts.

Under the threat of Satoru’s continued intervention, you slowly make your way through your plate as Suguru refills your cup. Time passes in a blur. Satoru is warm next to you, shoulder pressed to yours, and you resist the urge to lean on his shoulder. It’s almost reflexive, to sink into him. The two of them quietly talk about a child called Zenin Maki. You force your shoulders straight while their voices drift in and out, feeling your eyelids slowly dragging shut.

You blink when Suguru says your name. The two of them are looking at you.

“Sleepy?” Suguru inquires.

You slowly nod. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I should go.” You gather your things, but when you rifle through your bag to find your keys you realize they aren’t there. You pat your pockets, search your bag once more, and still. “My keys…”

Satoru lifts a finger to your face, the ring of your keys looped around his index. You reach out to grab it but Satoru lifts it away. You’re confused. Those are your keys. You reach for them again, but Satoru swiftly moves away. You’re debating on stopping him with your cursed technique. Infinity isn’t on, you can tell.

“Satoru—”

“How about a kiss first?” He murmurs, leaning in, lips hovering close.

Your bottom lip throbs, as if remembering the shape of Satoru’s teeth and the way it had drawn blood.

…

You’re already putting on your shoes. Satoru must have sneaked a few sips of Suguru’s alcohol. He’s drunk.

“I’ll stay somewhere else tonight,” you say quickly. Shoko would probably still be up. If not, there were always hotels around. In the morning you’d ask your building’s super to open your door. You have a spare key inside.

Satoru sputters. “Hold on!”

Suguru laughs, long and loud. You relish the sound, despite your back being turned against him. He says your name.

You pause, meeting his gaze over your shoulder. To give him the benefit of doubt if anything. Suguru pats the floor next to him.

You eye him. Suguru’s expression is full of innocuous intent.

“At least let me look at you before you leave,” Suguru sighs out. “Before you leave us again.”

Suguru looks sad. It makes you feel…kinda bad. You have been busy lately, haven’t you? (Avoiding the two of them.) You don’t like it either. You’re glad this dinner has resolved most of your worries. You crawl to him, intending to say your goodbyes to his face, but Suguru takes your hand.

You aren’t sure how you end up on his lap. You really aren’t. You were on the floor and now you aren’t, and Suguru’s chest pressed to your back. You open your mouth and then figuring against it, you close your mouth. You opt for staring down at your own lap and trying to stay still enough to rival a statue.

Suguru’s arms wrap around your waist. “Much better,” he murmurs, playing with the hem of your dress that reaches down to your ankles. “I like this color,” he says conversationally, as if your mind isn’t white blanket quiet in your panic. “Did Shoko get this for you?” His lips brush your ear.

You nearly bolt but Suguru’s arms hold you down.

“Pfft.”

You give Satoru a wide eyed look pleading for help from where he’s made himself comfortable on the floor in front of you, lying on his side, head propped up to the side by a hand.

…You hadn’t expected Satoru to help.

You really didn’t.

You feel your will to flee slowly drain out of you. Prey resigning itself to be dinner.

“Shoko…picked it out.”

“She likes dressing you,” Suguru says with a small laugh, releasing your hem and hiking your skirt up high enough for his hand to slide up your thigh in a caressing gesture. “How about you give Satoru and I a turn next?”

You blankly burn a hole into your lap, deathly mortified. “That’s…” a little embarrassing, you think. Why would they ever want to do that? Satoru is looking so intently at you that he could be jealous, and you think you might be sick. After all that talk about Suguru feeling neglected…

“Like…another dress?”

Suguru hums.

“...Shoes?”

Suguru laughs. You can feel his smile. "Among other things."

“S-Suguru,” you start, putting your hand over his arms locked around you. “I should really get going…”

He sighs, and you can feel it in his chest. “Right. Of course.”

You wait for him to loosen his arms, to free you, but he doesn’t move.

“...Suguru—”

“Kiss tax!” Satoru interrupts, suddenly in front of you. He’s insistent, leaning into you once again with a hand on your thigh, except you have nowhere to back away but into Suguru. “Just one and you’ll be on your way!”

This is humiliating. You want to die.

Satoru’s face hovers closer and closer. Without thinking you intercept his lips with a hand, muffling his mouth.

“We shouldn’t,” you blurt out. “Not in public.”

Satoru doesn’t deign you with a response. Instead his gaze exaggeratedly sweeps the room, as if to emphasize the lack of other people.

Someone could come in. Anyone could see. They don’t want to be accidentally seen with… you. “Nobody can know.” Then for good measure you say it again. “Nobody can know.”

Satoru isn’t happy. You can tell by the press of his lips. Suguru’s gaze bears into the top of your head. But you’re worried about their prospects. About everything they might regret. It’s best to keep this a secret. They’ll thank you for it later, you’re sure.

“Who car—”

“Please.”

Satoru momentarily glances upwards. He’s still unhappy. “Fine. Right Suguru?”

“That’s right,” you hear him say from behind you. His tone is carefully measured. You don’t want to look at him, and you can’t discern his feelings either. “A secret.”

You exhale. “Thank you.”

After a second of agonizing hesitation, you lean forward and press a small, short kiss to Satoru’s waiting lips. When you pull back, you shyly say, “kiss tax paid.”

“That was nothing,” Satoru says immediately. “Ten more.”

You frown.

“You forgot someone.” Suguru’s voice is light, almost chiding.

You didn’t forget. You just hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this. You turn your head to the side and lean in. Suguru meets you halfway, lips soft on your own. Almost immediately, Suguru’s arms go lax, as a hand comes up to cup your face, thumb running along your cheek.

It lasts a second longer than Satoru’s kiss, which is already enough to get him whining about timing the length of your kisses which means more kissing.

All that matters is that you’re finally free. You jump to your feet, swipe your shoes, and run out the door without a second thought.

#sera reads #sorry I switch between first and last names all the time haha

370 notes · View notes

steadystudyparty · 2 years ago

Text

Monday 05.12.22

Mood of the day:

Yun ~ RM

I started the day with my English final. It was an essay about America’s midterm elections and the polarization of the United-States. I am quite proud of what I wrote, I had data and cool sentences, including a funny attention grabber at the beginning. My English teacher loves me (gay privilege) so I am not worried too much about it. I have an A so far in this class and I participated actively all semester so I will certainly pass with an A.

I then bought a Manala (little man, it’s a sort of bun that is very traditional here) and ate it before my yoga class. My worst fear turned into a reality: my beloved yoga instructor was SICK and asked someone else to do our class for her. It was terrible, the new one was obviously crazy? She definitely tried to make us join her cult. The man that is so good at yoga asked me about her instructions because we were both extremely confused? Never again, my yoga teacher is my favorite person and my safes place she cannot leave me unsupervised with other professors it is too scary.

I then waited for one of my besties for lunch and we had lunch at the place where we always have lunch with our group. He was really sad that day and complained a lot but the way he complains makes it a little funny. I guess humor is how he copes with sadness.

We tried to join one of our besties at the library but we could only catch a break with him because the LIBRARY WAS FULL. I swear those people weren’t studying last week but since we all have upcoming finals, they finally realized this place is great to study. We left and went back home.

I used this time to procrastinate and to perfect my new piece on the guitar. I played for hours and even filmed myself to post on my Instagram private story -which I never do-.

#my diary #Spotify

0 notes

zhangsanjian · 2 years ago

Text

Goodness

Original Essay

We memorized the "Three Character Classic" when we were young. The opening chapter is "In the beginning of human beings, nature is good." Kindness can be separated and understood as goodwill and conscience. Kindness refers to gentleness and kindness, and conscience refers to the conscience that does not harbor malice and is worthy of oneself in doing everything. I would like to use this short article to share my personal understanding of kindness.

I asked myself, what is the first image that comes to mind when the word kindness is mentioned? The image that came to my mind was of a mother holding a newborn baby in her hands. The baby lies quietly in the arms of the mother with eyes closed, and the mother conveys the most primitive kindness in life with loving eyes. When it comes to the good and evil of babies, some people say that "at the beginning of human beings, their nature is inherently good", while others say "at the beginning of human beings, their nature is inherently evil". Who is right? I guess that the newborn baby's preference for favor and evil comes from the genes of the parents, but what is more important is whether the family gives the child enough sense of security. If a child receives enough sense of security and feels enough love from his parents, relatives and friends, he can slowly build a "castle of love" in his heart even if he is ignorant at the beginning of life. A child with such a strong enough "castle" can better protect himself in the face of future unforeseen events.

The next factor that determines whether the child can maintain kindness is education—the education of the family, the teaching of the teacher, including the teaching of various teachers after entering the society. This is like a novice who wants to learn to drive. After he has learned the theoretical knowledge, he starts to sit in the cab for practical operation. The co-driver must have a coach to guide and supervise, so as to prevent the car from accidentally driving into a ditch or flying into a tree. superior.

Adolescents are full of energy, receive information very quickly, and are particularly vulnerable to the influence of the environment. If they are not careful, they will go astray. As a teenager, I was blackmailed by gangsters and bullied on campus. The funniest thing is that as soon as I buy a bicycle, it will be stolen, and if I buy another bicycle, it will be stolen again… My first bicycle was when I was just in junior high school, as a prize for being admitted to a key middle school, every day I am content to drive this "special car" between home and school. (I used to ride women's bicycles like my mother's, which was too imposing.)

This exclusive bicycle is a mountain bike, rebuilt and assembled by a car dealer owner, with high performance and good looks! This cost parents hundreds of dollars. But the good times didn't last long. I hadn't been riding my beloved bicycle for two months before the bike disappeared. I still remember standing in the bicycle shed, looking at the place where I parked every day, thinking over and over whether I parked here, did I forget to lock it? Watching the students ride their bicycles away one by one, I even wondered if I walked to school today, and my beloved bicycle was just waiting for me obediently at home! … That sense of helplessness still exists faintly in retrospect, as if someone stole a piece of your memory, and also stole a corner of your heart.

In order to comfort me, my parents quickly bought me a road bike, commonly known as a claw bike. Seeing that my psychological trauma was about to be healed by this new bike, the tragedy happened again-this claw bike only stayed with me for two weeks.

In desperation, my parents had no choice but to buy me a very ordinary bicycle for the convenience of my going to school. At that time, my mother said to me: "Son, you may be targeted by car theft gangs. You can't keep the conspicuous and inconspicuous bicycles. Otherwise, we will take the bus to school in the future." I could only silently agree, so I started Every day when I get stuck going out, I walk slowly when the bus does not pass the intersection in front of my house. As soon as I see the shadow of the bus, I start to rush towards the bus stop. This may have improved my sprinting ability.

My parents didn't have the mentality of revenge in my education back then. If they couldn't protect their own interests through formal means, they would go another way. They enlightened me with appropriate methods and protected my "castle". Much of my understanding of the world was slowly established from this period. The education of adolescence is particularly critical, which may determine whether you will become a street gangster who speaks foul words and fights, or a teenager who is full of goodwill towards the future and the world, and believes that there are many ways to go in this world. I am glad I accepted To the education!

With a kind heart, you will become tolerant towards everything in the world. There are no absolutely good people and no completely bad people in the world. Looking at ourselves and others with multiple dimensions and different perspectives will make us more tolerant. I often think, what color is kindness? Goodness seems to me to be transparent, it can overlay any color without distorting them. If your good heart becomes cloudy, then what you see may not be the original color of things, but your own polluted heart. Our hearts may be easily contaminated, so we need to reflect and brush frequently.

There are many windows in the castle of the mind. If the windows are full of dirt, you will be afraid to look out, and even think that the blurred images are the messengers of demons. When you wipe the window clean, you realize that it is the sun that wants to shine into your heart—you stand in front of the window, the sun surrounds you, and the distance is waiting for you.

Good versus evil, that is the question. To be or not to be is up to you.

#zhang zhehan #zhang sanjian #word of honor #may 25 #2022 #shan he ling #haizhe #the english translations are machine translated and hence prone to errors

1 note · View note

guerrerajaguar · 3 years ago

Note

Hii! Can I make a request for Uzui and Kyojuro having a very insecure s/o that needs a lot of reassurance? Especially when it comes to appearance

Thank you and have a nice day!!

Hi dear Anon, of course! I think these boys will die to be able to let you know how precious and beautiful you are in his eyes. I totally understand feeling insecure about our appearances. But please remember that you are beautiful, strong and worthy <3

I have combined your request with other similar, hope you like both of them!

Kyojuro Rengoku x reader (Reassuring S/O being insecure about her looks)

Tengen Uzui x reader (Reassuring S/O being insecure about her looks)

Warnings: Slight smut

It has been a really long and rough week. You have been waiting for your boyfriend to come back from his last mission, which took him longer than expected. Being alone in that immense state sometimes affects your peace of mind. When Tengen was around, the state was full of life, full of laughter and you could swear that sunlight was brighter at your now shared home.

Despite missing your beloved Pillar, you truly enjoyed your time alone; since the moment you accepted moving in with Tengen, he made sure to not only cover your basic needs to full extent, but to pamper you with anything your heart desired. Even the smallest request will be flamboyantly fulfilled.

Wanna learn how to play Shogi? Here, the best teacher in the Kanto area. Wanted a new kimono? Only the best pieces with imported silk directly from China. Do you love the sound of a Biwa? All your meals would be enlivened by a very skillful Biwa player. Were you interested in calligraphy? A brand new luxurious and expensive calligraphy kit will be waiting for you in the studio.

You were happy, really happy, he was everything you have ever wished for; but indeed, solitude can play the worst tricks to the mind. Insecurity started to grow in your chest like a water ripple in a dead still ocean. These intrusive thoughts always lowered your morale but you were really good at dissimulating them, it was more of Tengen's natural ability to help you brush all ideas off your head with a kiss.

But this time it was different, he had been gone for so long, that all the insecurities about your appearance were now controlling your ability to fake being ok. Tengen knew immediately that you were having a hard time; as his loyal, super beefy, ninja mice informed him and so, he prepared everything to expedite his return home.

There was nothing more precious or important to him than you, even though being a Pillar, you were always his priority. When he arrived home he yearned nothing more than to see your gorgeous face first than anything else.

-”I am home!” He claimed loudly, eagerly waiting to see you at the entrance, with a wide grin which started to disappear as you were nowhere to be found.

-”Y/N?” He asked, now with a more concerned tone, plunging deeper into his state looking for you.

-”Te… Tengen-san, welcome back.” Your voice was low and blue, as you appeared in front of him. You gave the best small smile your current state could manage but your boyfriend knew immediately that something was wrong, so he gently took your hand to pull you closer to him:

-”Here you are. Come, I want to show you what I bought for you in my last mission.” He said as he softly guided you to a very cozy studio, full of pillows and blankets, where you would warmly spend most of the cold winter days of the year.

His heart ached little by little seeing how the light of your face vanished by every second passing, he sat down over his favorite big pillow pulling you down in order for you to sit on his lap. And as he tenderly stroke your back he kindly said:

-”Y/N, you probably know it very well by now, but you are the most precious person to me. My heart aches when your expression shows so much sorrow…” He was now caressing your cheek with his thumb, rapidly switching his gaze from your eyes to your lips. He liked you so much that you made him go crazy; kissing you and feeling your body was the only thing he could think of while being so far away from you. So he continued:

-”So please have mercy on this man who is so madly in love with you and let me make you feel better.” He leaned over to deeply kiss you and since you were so close to him you could clearly sense how both of your fast racing hearts beat against each other chests.

You perfectly knew that there was no use in lying to the Sound Pillar, by now he knew you better than anyone else, but you were unsure of how to explain to him what was causing your insecurities. So with your face entirely flushed by a beautiful pink tone you took your best bet:

-”The thing is… Tengen-san, sometimes I don’t… Sometimes I am not really comfortable with what I see in the mirror. Sometimes I wish I'd look different, to look better…” And as you rested your head in the crook of his neck, he felt his heart break after hearing your words.

He was so taken aback for realizing how much he had failed in not letting you know how beautiful you were to him. How could you not know how every single trait of your face was pure poetry to his eyes?

How could he have failed you to let you know how he had developed an insane addiction to touching your body? He failed so terribly, that you could even consider the idea of wanting to look different. Different from how attractive you looked in his wildest fantasies.

He then thought that this was probably not a new feeling and he also knew that the tricky part would be to make you look at yourself the way he looked at you. So having a good idea he raised your head by gently grabbing your chin and speaking with a very deep voice, he said:

-”So tell me, what would you like to change?” You looked at him startled, feeling down little by little.

-”My hair, Tengen-san, it is not...” He interrupted you

-”You mean these precious locks, the softest I have ever caressed?” He said gently stroking the closest hair strand he got on hand and starting to feel as warmness invaded your face, you continued:

-”My face. Sometimes it looks like…” He interrupted you again

-”You mean this face with the most stunning profile I had ever laid my eyes on? You see, this face matches perfectly with these lips and hair. Perfect combination, so Darling, changing any of those won’t work at all” With a wide grin in his face he kissed you again. Really starting to like where this was going you continued, slowly feeling better.

-”My body, Tengen-san, it's just…”-

-”Now, isn’t that interesting…” he slightly opened your kimono right in the section of your cleavage “A body less attractive will help me to better keep my lust at bay, making easier the nights I am not with you” He concluded depositing a kiss in your right chest at the bare minimum skin exposed at your cleavage, working all his way up to your neck.

By the time he had covered all your neck skin, you felt heat expanding to the lowest section of your body, he then faced you with his signature seductive stare and asked you;

-”So please tell me, would you also like to change another part of your body? Such as, I don’t know, your thighs maybe? Or perhaps something deeper like…”

-”Tengen-san!!!” You said with your face absolutely red, feeling your arousal increasing every moment you kept sitting on his lap. Your boyfriend exploded in laughter and kissed you again to later whisper to your ear:

-”Please let me show you the reason why I wouldn’t want to change anything from you” as you agreed, he passionately made love to you all night long. Making sure to remind you why every part of your body was perfect and how perfectly it fitted his body.

1K notes · View notes

bnha-more-like-bnh-gay · 3 years ago

Text

Rarepair headcanons because I am ignoring my problems

Serodeku:

Izuku reenacts the Spider-Man movies with Sero. Izuku is MJ. They also alternate being Spider-Man sometimes

They skate together

They get very protective when people call their boyfriend “plain”

They play dnd together

Sero tries to make sure that izuku gets some rest

They’re both kinda insecure, izuku more than sero, but still; and they make sure to reassure each other as often as possible

Sero likes listening to Izuku’s ramblings and finds them cute. He has told izuku this, only for the poor boy to imitate a tomato

After Izuku has been particularly reckless, Sero takes advantage of his quirk, wraps Izuku in bubble wrap, and tapes it there

Tokodeku:

Jocknerd bf and goth bf, we love to see it

Tokoyami teaches izuku how to sword fight

They start a dnd club at U.A.

Izuku talks to dark shadow a lot, Dark Shadow approves of him, and has claimed the spot of best man at their wedding

Izuku comes up with ideas to help Tokoyami gain control with Dark Shadow

Dark Shadow is very protective over Izuku, no matter how many times Tokoyami tells him that he can take care of himself, Dark Shadow will put himself between Izuku and any form of danger as often as possible

Dekoyama??? Aoyama/izuku:

Aoyama gives him makeovers, obviously

Aoyama drags izuku to the mall and tries to revamp some of his wardrobe, but he actually finds the “pants” and “flannel” type shirts cute

They help each other train their quirks

Aoyama is trilingual, and teaching izuku English and French.

Izuku always brings Aoyama home some new cheese

Y’all, I love them so much. There needs to be more aodeku content

Monoshinsou:

They have people watching dates. They come up with stories for the people they’re watching; their job, family, background, etc.

They judge people together

They call each other “love”

They’re both dramatic bastards, who will flop onto their lovers lap and proclaim their death due to a minor inconvenience

They jokingly sh*t-talk class A

Shinsou said “I love you” first, and it was because Monoma brought him coffee to class

Monoyama:

Like monoshinsou, they’re both dramatic bastards, who will flop onto their lovers lap and proclaim their death due to a minor inconvenience

They go shopping together and pick out the most dramatic pieces of clothing for each other

I love them so much, please 😭✋

They have tea parties every week, where they sh*t talk everyone else and gossip

They are both fancy bastards, and they wear the most exquisite outfits to go grocery shopping, and the outshine everyone

They both actually make clothing, they’ll go fabric shopping together. Gift exchanges are often articles of clothing that they’ve made for each other

Momomei:

They work on gear together!!!

Momo makes sure that mei gets some sleep

Mei helps redesign momo’s suit

They often work together with izuku to work in gear and such

They actually got together after izuku introduced them. He had been working on gear with mei, and studying with momo and he thought they’d hit it off. He was correct

Shintsuyu:

Dude they’d be so cute

Tsu is a vent gremlin, and you can’t change my mind. So she and shinsou will play a game where they try to find each other. Tsu is in the vent and shinsou is in the classrooms. Shinsou will try to find whichever vent she’s in, or she’ll find whichever classroom he’s in, in 20 minutes or less

I always headcanoned tsu as a dog person, so they’d have two cats and two dogs, and a bunny that they named Deku

They like comparing their friends to animals, hence the bunny, Deku

Kamideku:

Kaminari is a flirt, and izuku does n o t know how to handle it

Kaminari likes listening to izuku’s ramblings, and can keep up with them. He’ll ask questions on things too, and Izuku has never felt more appreciated

I don’t know why I feel like they’d have so many animals, but I do. They’d have so many, man. Three cats, two dogs, four sugar gliders, a hamster

Adhd power couple. They hyperfixated on complimentary things at the same time one time

Kaminari tutors izuku in English, and izuku turots kami in some other subjects. He’s also teaching kami JSL on the side. Kaminari has a live of languages

Momochako:

Study dates, Momo asks ochako to quiz her a lot

Ochako takes to floating momo’s things when she wants attention. Especially when Momo is studying. She makes a game out of how many things she can float until the other girl notices

Uraraka’s confidence does wonders for momo’s. Uraraka always makes sure to reassure momo that she is strong and that she can do this

Momo makes Uraraka whatever her heart desires. Uraraka blushes all the time, and momo takes great pride in getting her girlfriend to blush

Minatoru:

Mina clings to everyone, but especially to toru

They give each other stuffed animals so often. They’ll go to the store to get food, and come back with three stuffed animals that reminded them of each other

Please, they’re so cute 😭✋

They will play hide and seek, I stand by this.

Mina helps toru design a new costume. I hate hers, it’s horrible, and sexist, and not suitable for a fucking child

Toru says that pink is her favorite color

They flirt with each other all the time. Half the class thinks it’s cute, half of them used to think it was cute.

Iidamomo:

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, but study dates. they quiz each other, and it actually gets pretty competitive

They also have rage room dates. I will not budge on this. Iida tried to murder someone, and I am excited to see momo finally snap. She deserves it

They alternate paying for dates, don’t try me.

The go hiking a lot

They started liking each other after one late night, both having nightmares. Momo had tea, and offered some to Iida. They talked until the early hours of the morning

They can’t flirt. They try. But they’re horrible at it. They’ll compliment each other all day long, but they cannot flirt.

KIRIDEKU, MY BELOVED:

Y’all,,, y’all, I love them so much

They train together, obviously

They ran into each other one night in the common room after both having nightmares. They talked about middle school, how they were both bullied, izuku’s quirk coming in late, katsuki being abusive, kiri being bullied because his quirk wasn’t “cool.” After that, they were practically inseparable.

They started going on dates, not that either of them knew they were dates. The entire class knew, so did the teachers, so did the rest of U.A. Kirishima picked up on it first after a comment from Mina, he had is realization.

So, he started courting Izuku. Not thag izuku realized this. He brought him flowers on most ‘dates,’ he bought him hero action figures whenever he could, he complimented him until Izuku was red in the face (which was honestly very easy.) Still, izuku remained ignorant to the fact that he was indeed dating Kirishima.

The final tipping point, was due to Uraraka’s help. She was quite tired of watching the two of them pine for each other. It was amusing for the first couple months, watching Kirishima try so hard, and Deku being totally oblivious. However, she took pity on her friends after a while.

So, Uraraka devised a devilish plan to get the two together. She involved Mina, Sero, and kaminari in this plan. What was the plan, you ask? Oh, simply to trap the two in one room until they broke through izuku’s obliviousness.

Kirishima finally “straight” up admitted his feelings, to which Izuku had the sudden realization of “oh my gods, have we been dating this whole time??” Yes, Izuku. Yes you have.

They have two anniversaries after that.

Let’s be honest, they are really, annoyingly, horrifically lovey dovey. Kirishima brags about having “the manliest and bestest boyfriend in the world.” Izuku flaunts his many PowerPoint presentations on how talented and incredible Kirishima is

Uraraka doesn’t know if she did the right thing by helping them. She is so tired

Tsujirou:

Jirou makes playlists for tsu

The few sane ones in class A, I swear

They go on walks in the rain as often as they can

They go for dates in the bookstore too. They each pick out an album and a book for the other to listen to and read

Y’all, they make so much sense togetherrrrr, I’m love them 🥺

Jirou started liking tsu after the crew saved bakugou. Jirou sat with tsu after momo, Iida, kirishima, Todoroki, and izuku apologized and sat with her. They had movie night, and Jirou joined the Bakugou saving crew and tsu with taking well into the night. She just appreciated how much tsu cared

Tsu started liking Jirou after she helped Iida, momo, and izuku try to keep the class in order. She appreciated how diplomatic and calm she was

Jirou would talk to izuku all night long about how gay she was, and how adorable tsu was. So, izuku decided to try and suggest ways for Jirou to ask her out.

She did not end up getting to ask her out though, as Tsu walked up to her the next morning f and asked if she wanted to go on a date. Jirou said yes. Izuku cried

Izujirou:

They make playlists for each other

They go for runs on the beach a lot

They both have insomnia, and often spend time making blanket forts and talking, or FaceTiming and listening to music

Jirou walks into the common room once a week looking for new music. She started liking Izuku after he made a playlist for her for one of these occasions.

They’re both quite awkward when it comes to romance, but neither of them will shy away from facing the truth. So, Jirou made izuku a playlist filled with love songs that reminded her of him and sent it to him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell.

So, then Jirou wrote a love song and told izuku that the song was for him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell.

So, then Jirou write analysis about izuku’s quirk for him. Sadly, izuku is dense as hell

So, then, after thinking that Jirou had done so much for him, izuku made her a playlist filled with love songs. Jirou took this to mean that izuku had finally picked up on her feelings, and accepted them.

So, they started to go on dates. Not that izuku knew this, as he is dense as hell. All leading up to izuku finally confessing his feelings on one of their ‘dates,’ to which Jirou responded, “dude, we’re already dating? Aren’t we? I- I thought that was obvious??”

May this awkward couple be forever blessed

Tokoyama:

Goth/prep boyfriends, we love to see it

At least once a day, Aoyama will proclaim that Tokoyami “shines almost as bright as he does, in his fabulous emo way”

They sword fight, and come up with really dramatic scenarios and scenes that they’re in

They bond over being in the izucrew and their shared love of swords. Aoyama took fencing classes in middle school, and Tokoyami got into sword fighting after watching it in pirates of the Caribbean as a young child. He is self taught and watched countless videos on the art of sword fighting

Tokoyami asked Aoyama our by dramatically presenting him with a dagger and going “will you accompany me on a formal outing as my lover?”

Shinyama:

They flirt constantly

No really, it’s getting quite annoying. Someone please stop them.

They both plop down in random areas and proclaim their deaths, the difference between them, is that Aoyama will burst into shinsou’s room, and yell “love, I’ve been murdered. Mourn for me” while plopping down on shinsou’s lap. Shinsou can be found laying face down outside aoyama’s door, and when Aoyama goes to open the door, he just goes “I’ve been murdered.”

^^ one time, shinsou did a very fun Halloween prank for this, where he poured fake blood all over himself for Aoyama to find him an hour later, asleep.

Nap dates. Aoyama get glitter all over shinsou’s room

Iiyama:

Aoyama enjoys making Iida blush, obviously. But he takes joy in doing it specifically when class is about to start. Aizawa is tired of his shit

Here is how I think an iiyama conversation might go:

Aoyama: I ask for one thing in this relationship-

Iida: Aoyama, you know that’s a lie-

Aoyama: for my boyfriend to carry me around all day-

Iida: Aoyama, I cannot feasibly do this with class-

Aoyama: and I don’t think that’s too much to ask for 😤

Anyway, Aoyama got carried around all day that day, despite Iida’s blush and Aizawa’s eye twitch

Everyone in the izucrew is close, but Iida and Aoyama started to get close after Iida told the crew about Stain. Aoyama wanted Iida to know that he wasn’t alone, and that he wanted to help him. So he started packing extra cheese for lunch and giving it to Iida. Iida was very confused at first. But this was Aoyama trying to court him. This was only made apparent by momo and Jirou telling Iida that this was aoyama’s attempt at expressing romantic interest.

Aoyama flirts with everyone, that’s just who he is. But with Iida? Oh it was tenfold. The poor boy was red in the face constantly. Aoyama was a persistent little bugger too, following him around and calling him ‘mon amour’

Kirikamideku:

My dearest traffic light trio, I’m love them

They train together, and kiri and kami always appreciate izuku’s analysis snd ideas

Kiri falls even more in love with izuku and kaminari when they go off on rants. Izuku rants and kami can keep up with him so he asks questions about it. Kiri loves to watch his boyfriends go on rants, I don’t make the rules, but I do enforce them

They started to get closer after kami and kiri found bakugou causing a ptsd flashback (could be on purpose of an accident, up to the reader.) they stated with him and tried to talk him through it. After this, izuku started to tell them about having been a “late bloomer” and being bullied, etc. (I don’t know, man; I tend to over share after flashbacks and after panic attacks)

Izuku tutors them in several subjects, but kami tutors them in English. Kiri just falls in love with his smart boyfriends

Izuku is teaching kami JSL and kami is helping izuku with English and Italian (personal headcanon that Italian has been one of kami’s special interests) kiri loves to listen to them, and finds it relaxing and calming to hear them do this. When he has panic attacks, he’ll ask them to tutor each other in different languages

909 notes · View notes

the-eldritch-it-gay · 2 years ago

Note

🎁🌼📖

🎁 Best gift you ever received and why

One of my d&d friends bought me a cane and quad-tip for it from my amazon wishlist one birthday and it really stuck with me! They bought me a couple things but the cane stood out to me and it became the cane I use the most and when people compliment it I tell them all about how my friend got it for me :)

🌼 Fave flower

I have a lot of fav flowers, since I do a lot of floral work and used to do competitive floriculture. So one of my early favourites is the Bird of Paradise. When I was younger me and my teammates gifted our teacher a art piece of one with all our names on it, bcuz it became our sort of mascot. In part because I called it a death flower, because when introduced to it I was asked what it looked like, and I said the hand of death.

📖 Fave book

Currently, I'm obsessed with On Sundays She Picked Flowers, authored by my beloved mutual Yah Yah. Everyone should buy it its soooooooo good.

#Eldritch IT Answers #hearth0me

10 notes · View notes

elrielsdaughter · 2 years ago

Text

Waltz of War pt.2

pairing: elain x azriel (elriel)

summary: while elain tries to distract herself from azriel's fate something exciting happens

word count: 1k

taglist: @swankii-art-teacher

a/n: this is just to say that the chapters will be indeed short, but i hope that doesn't have any negative effect on the rhythm of the story, enjoy!

Elain had asked, begged Azriel to change his mind so many times that she couldn't count them, so many times that Azriel no longer tried to make her see the good things it would bring, it was enough to give her a pitiful look that made her stomach settle.

She was trying to catch her breath sitting on the floor while she remembered how she had said goodbye on the bus two weeks ago, two weeks that had been the longest of her life, her life seemed to have drained of colors, her flowers and plants were duller and sadder, it seemed that she couldn't dance because she had such a heavy head full of worries, and that had all her close friends and especially her sisters worried, although they themselves had sent their partners to the same collective suicide that her beloved Azriel had been dragged into.

“Elain, I need to close the place now” Nesta's voice had snapped it out of her head so suddenly that her present seemed too much, almost overwhelming.

She was standing in the doorway of the ballroom where she taught ballet, she was not a prodigy dancer like her sister but dancing was something she liked, and sometimes she would find herself on stage again, dancing a new piece for a new show.

"I'm almost ready, let me rehearse again"

"At this rate you're going to break your legs, you need to rest," she said that with the tiredness in her voice being sonorous, but she was the one with more bags under her eyes than any of the three.

She didn't sleep and spent her time drinking away when she didn't have to teach, the departure of their partners had been difficult for all of them in their own way, Feyre had it more difficult now that she was a mother, the plan was that she would stay in the house that Rhysand had bought for them before leaving, but the first night she had arrived in the middle of the night with Nyx in her arms crying because she couldn't stand being there alone.

We all hugged each other that night, we slept in the same bed leaving Nyx in a makeshift crib.

"I don't need to rest," she said that but her legs were numb, her head was spinning and her body was crying out for her to take a nap at least "I want it to go perfect"

"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself, get up and let's go home, father must be waiting for us"

She couldn't argue with Nesta in her mood, so she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other to get to the dressing room and put on her clothes, only then did she realize how wrinkled her dress was, how drawn her face was and disheveled hair, if Azriel saw her like that he would be so worried. And that was the only reason she pulled her hair into a high ponytail, washed her face with cold water, and put on some lipstick that Nesta lent her.

They only spoke when they left the Dance Academy.

“You can't go on like this, Elain."

"Neither do you, Nesta."

"I don't think Cassian or Azriel would like to see us like this, we can't lose ourselves in their absence."

"I'm losing myself, because I'm afraid of losing him, losing him forever," it irritated her greatly that even though they were both in the same situation they had such a divided opinion "Because that's the reality Nesta... They can die"

"I know the probabilities, stop bringing it up," that was said with some annoyance in her voice, she had pressed her buttons too much "But... Feyre needs us, Nyx needs us, remember the promise we made to Rhysand"

"I would never break that promise, I help her with all the pleasure in the world, Nyx is my nephew and Feyre is my sister, they will not lack love and comfort as long as we are with them"

"I understand that, but between the classes, the flower shop, dad's illness and the boys... I'm afraid we'll lose sight of affected number one"

She had never heard her open up about things that worried her, but she had never thought that there would be a war, there was a first time for everything, Elain understood that perfectly and she didn't like the idea that Feyre would have problems to survive, now that she lived in the house again they could help her as much as they could so she was perfectly fine.

They turned the corner into their street as usual, only they stopped when they saw their father sitting on the porch smoking a pipe smiling at Nyx in his arms and Feyre screaming like crazy, holding several letters in her hands. Fearing it was bad news Nesta and Elain ran as fast as their legs would carry them, colliding as they climbed the few steps to their home.

"Letters, letters from them!" the happiness in Feyre's voice made them cry as much as the good news.

Elain allowed herself to take the letter very quickly and go up to her room until after kissing her father's and her Nyx's foreheads and giving them a hug that left Feyre breathless. Her legs resenting the run she had given her trembled like jelly, she step by step she climbed the stairs past the family pictures and paintings until she entered her room and closed the door behind her with a with a slam.

It was sealed and gave the address of the military base and her name in Azriel's beautiful calligraphy, she cried just seeing the handwriting on the paper and being careful not to break the envelope she took out the letter at the same time her heart stopped and her sobbing began.

—

My dearest Elain,

Two weeks have passed since I started my training and since I left my home, these two weeks were enough for me to realize how much you mean to me. I am not going to try to capture in this letter how much my soul misses you or how much I crave you, I could not do justice to the pain that my heart feels not having you here.

My training is going well, it's a bit fast, but I've gotten used to the plane assigned to me for my practices, although fear sometimes comes to me and I don't think I can bear another test, your memory always gives me strength, I hope everything is fine in the academy and that you have time to spend time surrounded by your flowers and plants (tell Rose that I send her a kiss) of course I hope you spend time with your sisters and send them a greeting from me, I hope they are in the best possible state. As for you, I need you to wait for me, I'm trying to get back to you.

Always yours, Azriel.

—

Several tears began to fill the paper and she quickly moved away, her heart a huge and thunderous emptiness that hurt her physically, she needed him by her side, she needed him as much as the moon needs the night and the day needs the sun, her dear Azriel, caught between the conflict.

She collected herself slightly and went to her dresser to get paper, a pen and an envelope, with her soul aching she began to write.

#elriel #elriel fanfiction #waltz of war

20 notes · View notes

whentherewerebicycles · 2 years ago

Text

somehow it’s almost 3:30pm though i am not sure i could account for most of this day... let’s see. i did some good work on my cover letter + teaching portfolio. i think that honestly i could cobble together a letter using pieces of old letters with a few updates and i should probably just do that so i can get my application in. but i kind of enjoy the act of sitting down every six months to twelve months and making yourself generate a new outline for a teaching statement! it kinda creates a chance for you to reflect on how and why your priorities in teaching or your conception of yourself as a teacher have changed over time. anyway i’m going to try to make myself finish that tomorrow or in a work session with liz early this week. i also swept all the storm debris off the porch and threw out a bunch of painting supplies that had just been languishing out there on the off chance that i wanted to paint again. i also answered a couple asks and then bought a ticket home for christmas. i gotta decide which dog i’m taking with me and which one i’m leaving here and it’s making me feel so guilty!! everyone in my family definitely wants me to bring ruthie back (she is VERY beloved lol) but i feel like pip is the easier one to transport & also the one who misses me more when we are parted. we’ll see!! i’m thinking about maybe doing a longer trip in the spring where i take them both back and just stay for for a few weeks to make the cost worth it. i feel like it’d be a nice break from rainy weather if i need to get away for a bit and hopefully i could just choose a random time when tickets were super cheap.

mm okay what next. the power is back on hurrah!! i had definitely resigned myself to it not being back on until late or even until tomorrow so that was a nice surprise... though it means i may be forced to watch my beloved cursed hockey team lose again. we’ll see. i have about 40 min till puck drop so i might haul myself off the sofa to take pip on a run and then walk ruthie during intermissions.

5 notes · View notes

randomvarious · 3 years ago

Video

youtube

Anne Murray - “Snowbird” Oh What a Feeling Song released in 1969. Compilation released in 1996. Country-Pop / Soft Rock / Easy Listening

youtube

From an article on cbc.ca, written by Andrea Warner:

Before there was Shania Twain, there was Anne Murray.

Yes, that Anne Murray. She was Canada's original country, pop, adult-contemporary crossover who baffled publications, critics and music programmers with her refusal to be bound by genre. She was also the first Canadian female solo singer to score a No. 1 hit in the U.S. with her 1970 breakthrough, "Snowbird." Twenty-plus years before Twain's fly-trap-sticky choruses became the karaoke anthems that bridged generational, gendered and geographical divides, Murray — a Springhill, N.S., gym teacher-turned-award-winning vocalist — was the country's gold-standard superstar.

Anne Murray has sold over 50 million records worldwide and has won a walk-in closetful of awards over the course of her multi-decade career. Before people like Shania, Alanis, k.d., and Sarah came along, Murray was Canada's most famous and most beloved female musician, and her music unexpectedly managed to cross over into the U.S., too. In fact, in addition to being the first female Canadian solo singer to ever hit #1 in the U.S., she was also the first to sell a gold record there as well.

And that gold record happens to be "Snowbird," a simply beautiful tune with gobs of crossover appeal that originally appeared on Murray's second album, 1969's This Way Is My Way, and then was eventually released as a single in June of the following year, when it went to #2 in Canada and #8 on the Billboard chart over that summer.

"Snowbird" was Murray's breakthrough hit; without it, there's a very decent chance that she would have never amounted to a dash of the immense success that she managed to go on to achieve throughout her life. The popularity of "Snowbird" earned her the opportunity to perform on many television programs thereafter, both American and Canadian, which got her in front of the eyes of tens of millions of people, who then went and bought even more of Murray's records. Many talents get overlooked, unfortunately, and Murray very well may have been one of them had the U.S. not cottoned itself to "Snowbird."

There's a bunch of things about this song that make it a real beaut' and one, of course, is Murray's own voice. It's pleasant, calm, to the point, and crystal-clear. She's not here to flex an overly impressive range or deploy some nifty vibrato tricks. She's more of a no-frills kinda gal who just wants to boil her little tale of woe down to a catchy as hell 130 seconds and get on with the rest of her day. She just needs this little release; to tell someone else what her current predicament is. It's therapeutic.

But beyond that is the arrangement and instrumentation. See, "Snowbird" didn't just go to #8 on Billboard's general chart. It went to #1 on Easy Listening and #10 on Hot Country, too. And it fits both of those categories. The climbing and then soaring, majestic strings, which sonically represent the snowbird that Murray longs to follow, but can't, categorize the song as an easy listening one. But the guitar-strum beat and hop-along bassline doubtlessly earn the song's status as a country song, too. And then there's the electric sitar in the beginning that disappears as Murray begins to get more personal with her lyrics. I don't know if that lands the song in any particular category, but it sure sounds great. Plus, the addition of the clapping tams on the chorus, which is the only piece of percussion in this song, makes for a nice touch, too.

Hey, are you still reading this? Good. In the Family Guy clip above, Brian and Stewie argue over the meaning of "Snowbird." Murray concludes that both of their interpretations are actually correct, but I have a lot of questions myself that, to this day, remain unanswered. See, the gist of the song is that Murray has found out that her husband is cheating on her, and she wants to leave him for someone else that she loves and move away with that person (the titular snowbird), but I guess leaving her husband is only a dream at that point. We don't know if her husband knows that she knows that he's cheating on her, but if Murray already has someone else in mind to pack up and leave with, was she cheating on her husband, too? If so, who was the first to cheat? Are Murray and her husband both just avoiding opening up that can of worms? She seems to have a moderately upbeat demeanor throughout the song, but her marriage is clearly in shambles. Does she not sound that betrayed because she herself is a betrayer, too? Is she realizing that her chickens have actually come home to roost? If she's cheating, does her husband know? Is that why he's cheating? Is that why he continues to cheat? I know she doesn't know the answers to these questions. She's not the one who wrote the song in the first place. And unfortunately, the person who did write it, Gene MacLellan, passed away in the 90s. Apparently he wrote it in about 20 minutes while strolling a beach in Prince Edward Island, which is kind of stunning considering how good the song is.

Classic soft crossover country-pop tune from the late 60s-early 70s that set Anne Murray up for a long-lasting and trailblazing career.

21 notes · View notes

asian-hero · 4 years ago

Note

Number 14 ("Would you like to put the star on the very top of the tree?") is SO CUTE. I picture this with Eri and class 1a! Could you make a drabble (or whatever you like) in which the reader is in class 1a and Eri is particularly attached to her (like a big sister or something) and she ships reader with Mirio or Todoroki?

A/N: You have to have known that I would absolutely say that Eri ships the reader with Todoroki, I mean, c’mon, look at my blog (but seriously, this is such a cute idea, thank you for sharing)

I would also like to thank Kim Taehyung for releasing “Snow Flower” because it was the sole reason I could get one final story out for Christmas :) Merry Christmas everyone!

Wait also I know that in the manga she dressed up for Christmas, but let’s just pretend it’s her first Christmas and it was before Aizawa had explained anything to her okay? :)

"Would you like to put the star on the very top of the tree?" from Tis the Season prompt list

Summary: What better way to celebrate the holiday season then with the rest of your class and a cute little girl? You may even get a boyfriend out of it

Words: 2,286

Christmas. A holiday where you spend time with those who you love the most, and where children and adults alike get excited to open the presents under the tree. It’s a holiday beloved by all, if not only for the material reasons, then for the memories and love the holiday brings.

However, one certain little girl at U.A. had never known of Christmas, and your class wanted to fix that this year.

You had all found out that Eri had no idea what Christmas was when Aizawa had left her in your class’ care for a few hours, with the excuse that he needed to attend an important meeting, and he wasn’t allowed to bring her along. So, while you and the other girls were fawning over her, the subject of Christmas had been brought up, which had caught the attention of Kaminari, who suggested that you all should decorate the dorm for the festive season. As your classmates had gotten more and more into the Christmas spirit, with Yaoyorozu even stating that there was no reason to go out and buy decorations, since she could probably make enough for the dorm, you felt a slight tug on your sleeve.

Turning your head, you were met with the most adorable, inquisitive eyes you’d ever been graced with looking at. Kneeling down to match Eri’s height, you tilted your head, a small smile on your lips. “What’s up?”

“What’s Christmas?”

At first, you were confused. You weren’t sure how anyone could not know about Christmas, especially someone her age. However, as your brain had caught up with the situation, you let out a short hum, trying to think of the best way to describe the holiday.

“Well, it’s a holiday in winter that’s about being around those you love and enjoying things like making gingerbread houses, eating good food, and opening presents,” Deciding that you would bestow upon her the white lie that every parent told their children, you spoke, “There’s also a man named ‘Santa,’ and he looks at your behavior for the year and decides if you’ve been naughty or nice. For all the nice children, he travels around the world to give them presents that they wish for,”

Her bottom lip jutted out slightly, a sign that she was thinking about something, “What kind of presents?”

“Well, you usually write a letter to him, telling him what you want and he’ll try to get you what you want,” Seeing how her eyes sparkled a bit when you told her, you felt your smile grow larger, “How about next time you come and visit, we’ll write our letter’s to Santa together, yeah?”

You let out a giggle when she enthusiastically nodded her head.

Soon enough, Aizawa had returned from his meeting, picking up Eri and bidding you all a good night, but not before you and a few other students had asked him if she could come back later to write her letter to Santa and to help decorate the tree. Thankfully, your teacher thought it was a good idea for her to have some fun during the holiday season, and agreed that she could come the following weekend.

So, giving the little girl a tight hug with the promise to do all the fun Christmas activities soon, you bid her good bye.

Little did you know, as you were gushing over how cute Eri was to the other girls, a certain candy cane haired boy’s eyes had never left your figure once, neither had the small flush that decorated his cheeks.

As the weekend slowly approached, all of your classmates had chipped in to buy all of the items you’d need in order to make Eri’s first Christmas the best it could be. Your class had decided that it would be most efficient if you were all divided into teams so everything would get done on time. A few of your classmates had gone out to buy decorations, while others went to go get ingredients to bake some gingerbread cookies for the little girl. Kirishima and Kaminari had insisted on being the ones to go and get the tree, which therefore meant that Sero and Bakugou had tagged along in order to make sure that those two wouldn’t get hurt, or get something that was too big for the room.

Once all of the items had been bought, you, Todoroki, Midoriya, and Uraraka were in charge of setting up some of the decorations, like the string lights that would hang all around the common area, and setting up the tree and putting down the tree skirt. You were sure that the girls wanted to tease you and Uraraka, since you were fairly certain that neither Todoroki or Midoriya were good decorators, but you decided to put aside your tiny crush on Todoroki in order to make this the best Christmas you could.

Grunting slightly, you stood on your tiptoes, trying to make yourself even taller, though you were already standing on a ladder, in order to hang the final string lights in the corner. While you knew it wasn’t the smartest idea you had, your brain was simply focused on finishing your task. In fact, you were so focused that you didn’t even notice that the ladder began to shake beneath you, the uneven distribution of your weight taking a toll on the stability. It wasn’t until the ladder began to slip from underneath you that you finally noticed how dumb you were being.

Luckily for you, a hand reached out, stabilizing the ladder before it had any chance to fall. Breathing in a sigh of relief, you turned your head, locking eyes with a pair of heterochromatic ones.

“You should be more careful,” Todoroki chastised, not taking his hands off the ladder, “It doesn’t matter if these lights are perfect,”

Smiling, you shook your head, moving to quickly set up the lights before stepping off the ladder, “It’s Eri’s first Christmas, I want it to be special,”

As you moved to get the decorations out of the second box you noticed that Todoroki still lingered behind you, most likely worried that you’d end up hurting yourself.

“Well, at least let me do the other lights,” He spoke, taking the string out of your hands, “I don’t think she’d appreciate her favorite person getting hurt over something like this,”

Before you could even protest, Todoroki was already gone, moving to the next section of the room. With a small smile, you allowed your heart to beat just a bit faster, and for your eyes to linger on him for just a moment longer.

Soon after the common room had been decorated, except for the Christmas tree, it was finally the weekend. Aizawa had dropped off Eri in the morning with the warning that all of you should be on your best behavior, otherwise there’d be consequences. However, the way his eyes softened just a bit when she immediately ran into your arms told you that he wasn’t completely serious.

Once he’d left, you took Eri over to the common room and sat down at the coffee table beside her. Your classmates had left out some pieces of colorful paper out, along with some envelopes, pens, and stickers for her to use to write to Santa. At first, she seemed hesitant about writing, and when you asked why, she told you that she wasn’t sure what she should put down.

“Well, think about some of the things that you really want, and write them down for him,” You paused in your own “letter,” a small smile on your face, “If you aren’t sure of what you want, you can just tell him about what things you like, to give him some idea of what you might like,”

The two of you sat in silence for a while, writing your letters in peace when you noticed someone walking towards you. Looking up from your letter, you smiled at Todoroki’s curious demeanor.

Once he realized that your eyes were on him, he cleared his throat, looking even more curious. “What are you doing?”

“Writing letters to Santa, is it not obvious?” You spoke, a teasing lit to your voice.

“Letters to,” He paused, his eyebrows rising, “‘Santa’?”

You hummed in confirmation, patting a spot beside you. “Come and write one with us, it’ll be fun.”

After a few seconds of him standing there like a statue, you were sure that he was going to reject your offer. However, after you had turned your attention back to your letter, you felt a slight thump next to you, followed by a warm presence by your shoulder. Turning your head, you noticed Todoroki sitting next to you, leaning a bit too close to be friendly.

“You’ll have to help me out too,” He started, grabbing one of the colorful pieces of paper on the table, “I’ve never done this before,”

Smiling at him, you nodded your head, and for the next ten minutes, you three had written and addressed your letters to Santa, and you promised Eri that you’d deliver hers to the jolly man personally, and to Todoroki that you wouldn’t read his.

Finally, with the help of the entirety of class 1-A, you had begun to decorate the Christmas tree that sat in the middle of the room. You would never forget the look of astonishment on Eri’s face when you showed her the bag of ornaments you all had bought, nor would you forget the soft smile that lit up Todoroki’s face when he noticed just how excited she was for decorating the tree.

For a while, all of you helped Eri with decorating, helping her reach the taller branches and watching as she piled many of the cat themed ornaments towards the front of the tree. You had even watched Bakugou lift her on his shoulders to reach the top of the tree, and though his face screamed of his pretend anger, you could tell that the small girl had even wriggled her way into his grinch heart as well.

Though, the moment that you would remember for quite a while was when you pulled out the showstopper: a simplistic golden star topper.

When you pulled the star from the bag you could hear a quiet gasp come from the little girl. Looking over at her, you gave her a warm smile, extending your hand. “Would you like to put the star on the very top of the tree?”

Though she didn’t answer you verbally, the look of excitement made it very clear what her answer was. Squatting down slightly, you hoisted her onto your shoulders, making sure she was secure before moving to grab the star, though a certain boy had beat you to it.

“Looking for this?” Todoroki asked, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

Letting out a quiet laugh, you thanked him before taking the star out of his hands and handing it to Eri. Heading towards the tree, you pointed towards the one upright branch at the top. “Go ahead, give the tree it’s hat,”

With a bit of fumbling, she finally placed the star at the top, cute giggles escaping her lips as she clapped for joy, and though you couldn’t see it, a big smile had found its way to her face. Setting her back down onto the ground, you gave her a gentle high five before she ran over to the rest of your classmates. As you turned around, you found yourself face to face with Todoroki, who continued to look at you with a gaze you couldn’t quite place. Though, as he gave you a small smile, you didn’t really pay attention to anything else.

You didn’t even notice the small plant that Eri had pulled out of one of the bags, nor did you notice Uraraka use her quirk on it.

“So,” You asked, moving a bit closer to the boy who caught your attention, “Was this a successful Christmas?”

He nodded, the soft gaze not leaving his features, “I would say so, she seems happy.”

Just as you opened your mouth to speak, you could hear your classmates begin to giggle. Turning around, you gave them a look, not understanding what they found to be so funny. When Kaminari had pointed up, you could feel your heart stop in your chest.

Hesitantly, you looked up, not surprised to find some mistletoe floating between the two of you. Snapping your gaze to the boy in front of you, you sighed at the confused look on Todoroki’s face that had resurfaced.

“What does this mean—“

Steeling your nerves, you leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. As you pulled away, you could feel the heat lick up your cheeks.

“When two people are under the mistletoe, it usually means that they have to kiss,” You explained, not quite looking him in the eyes, “Sorry about that,”

As you were about to leave, you felt him grab your hand, squeezing it gently. Moving to look at him, you noticed a teasing glint flicker in his eyes.

“Well then,” He spoke, pulling you in closer, “We better follow tradition then, right?”

He didn’t even let you answer as he pressed his lips to yours. But you were sure that even if you could speak, nothing would come out.

As the two of you pulled apart, the cheers from you classmates filled the room, with your friends expressing their relief that they’d never have to hear you complain about how he didn’t like you.

While you could feel your cheeks heating up from embarrassment, you supposed that the Christmas gift you’d received made it worthwhile.

#todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki shouto #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto #bnha #mha #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bnha x reader #mha x reader #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

125 notes · View notes