#sorry I switch between first and last names all the time haha

[seravphs]

I caught a moment to catch up with DDAO :)

"You leave a piece of yourself behind every time a child cries." rip mc...my beloved...I need Yaga to get on introducing therapy to Jujutsu High ASAP 😭

"It’s reaching that time of year you feel the most lethargic, where people and time pass by you in a blur. In the spring you���ll wake up fully, and it’ll the cold will have faded like a bad dream." Off-topic but I'm so sad summer is ending! Also rip mc please google seasonal depression for me thanks babe

Rip mc makes me so so sad with her willingness to prioritize others but not herself. She got up instantly when she was worried that Shoko was cold but she wouldn't do the same for herself and it's so heartbreaking to see.

I hate to see rip mc isolate herself even further from the world. I think this year of my life in particular has taught me about how quickly time runs - and runs out, in particular. Entire weeks disappearing of her life...where she's alone...I'm deeply worried. So often throughout DDAO I want to reach into that universe and wrap my arm around rip mc.

This is a HUGE tangent lmao skip the next paragraph to ignore me talking to myself

Rip mc isn't even catholic (afaik) 😭 but she's so self flagellating. I think part of the reason rip mc makes me so sad is she reminds me a lot of high school. It's such a deeply (often specifically teenage) girl mindset to punish yourself for your desires. This is not that relevant to DDAO but there's something painfully resonant about the way rip mc is going about this. Tbf rip mc is (in her own opinion because stsg are morons and terrible at communicating) a homewrecker so it isn't THAT applicable BUT in general it just feels like looking into my own past to see rip mc take on the weight of a literal apocalypse, her world collapsing, and blame herself for it. I read something once which I wish I could find again about how Jesus could never be a woman because female suffering isn't subversive, it's expected. Suguru was there! Suguru was very much in control of his own actions in that moment! But rip mc is laying the price of destruction at the feet of her greed and it makes me so miserable :( I feel like so often women are socially conditioned to want less, to be less greedy. Bitter over this forever.

Back to DDAO

LMAO SHOKO she's so real I love her. I'm also very pragmatic so I feel like that's how I would react. I think Shoko is my self-insert in DDAO haha: takes care of rip mc and is the voice of reason.

We know so little about Mimiko and Nanako, it's nice to imagine a world where they get to grow up as normally as they can. With friends, teachers, a social life etc. God. Life gets better, don't read JJK lmaooo not a single person (worth caring about) in this damned series is happy.

Something I really like about DDAO is how it's like JJK, since it's canon-adjacent, but also how much I feel like I'm talking with my friends about her toxic situationships like I really am watching rip mc interact with stsg with the fond horror of two girls sitting across from each other in a restaurant booth recounting what happened last week in their lives.

Megumi is such a good kid.

I can't seem to remember rip mc liking sweets. Maybe it was just a random choice but since she just saw Gojo, I also can't help but wonder if she bought one because of him.

HE'S SUCH A GOOD KID.

I think I've talked about this before, but I feel so strange about aging. I don't mean this in the conventional spoon fed aging propaganda sense because I'm not afraid of wrinkles/etc. It's more that recently, I've become so aware of the concept of 'youth' - and the fact that I'm losing it. At some point last year, I turned eighteen, and this year, nineteen, then the year after that, I'll turn twenty - how did I get so far from four and six and eight? What happened? It's terribly beautiful and beautifully terrible because change is inevitable and yet so scary. I'm evolving with the world, or perhaps it's evolving with me, but I'm at a loss for how to react to that.

Rip mc's monologue about returning to a place she knew with the sudden awareness of her lack of being a child really hit home. Many things I've loved are memories now. I loved stars, too. I miss my mom and dad, too. And no matter how much I miss them (my parents are alive I just spent my first year away from them at college lol), I can't go back to the past! I can scream and cry and beg but I can never, ever go back.

Both rip mc and I are going to have to learn to be okay with that. Somehow. Wow. If I keep relating to rip mc I will consider seeking professional help. Thanks Morgan!

Megumi's such a good kid, it makes me endlessly sad and happy. Nothing like Fushiguro Toji made me laugh, though. I think that would've made Toji happy too.

I can't stand stsg. They're so evil 😭. Stsg and rip mc really are such a dynamic because she's weak to their advances specifically. Like who else are they trying this on that it would work? Just her. Poor baby.

stsg being shocked by how easy it was to get rip mc to agree made me laugh.

One day I will see rip mc develop some sense of self worth. One day. I know it'll happen. DDAO chapter 289. I'll be there and I'll be celebrating with champagne.

The realization that the mission that traumatized rip mc so badly was just a grade 2 mission made me physically flinch. I'm really bouncing between jjk canon and 'girl he said WHAT' and it's so good. Whiplash between stsg being assholes per usual and fuck, I forgot that these are child soldiers who somehow made it to adulthood - with all the baggage of being child soldiers.

I should get used to rip mc pulling away from people who want to take care of her but I never do. JJK never goes into detail with how horribly traumatic the lives of sorcerers actually are. Gojo didn't blink in reaction to some of his oldest friends dying. It feels so good, even if it's so horribly sad, to get that experience with rip mc and see how this life of blood and curses has affected her.

Sorry I actually DO love that Gojo is feeding rip mc lmaooo. I got so excited to read that scene. He's terrible and it's so fun! Kiss tax hahaha. Love him. I actually think Gojo wouldn't like my personality irl because he's a terrible bully but I would play along too well and he wouldn't get the reactions he wanted. I think I’d actually get along better with literally anyone else haha

This one made me really introspective and moody. It might be the end of a season affecting me. Either way, it was incredible per usual. Hope you're enjoying Japan and having lots of fun!

dog days are over | chapter five

pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader x geto suguru warnings/tags (for this chapter): mentions of virginity loss, threesomes, depression (the holy trinity lmfao), birth control, full on dissociative panic attack but not in detail, obligatory stsg warning. also cheating mention (but not really gojo is just jealous and geto likes the attention. they gaslight each other for fun btw) word count: ~9.2k

fic masterlist read on ao3

The nightmares start after Nagoya.

You wake up bleary eyed and distinctly worn out, with a heaviness in your chest that you carry with you. It only gets heavier.

The auxiliary manager you worked with promised to share any more relevant information with you about the case. You should have left it at that.

It becomes harder to stay uninvolved in your assignments, you're beginning to find, especially when innocent lives are taken.

You leave a piece of yourself behind every time a child cries.

You sit up from your bed and glance at the clock above the doorway. 11:54 AM. Light streams in from your windows, and you close your eyes in the temporary warmth before it fades, leaving your room cold. Outside, the trees are barren and the overcast is gray in preparation for the upcoming winter. It’s reaching that time of year you feel the most lethargic, where people and time pass by you in a blur. In the spring you’ll wake up fully, and it’ll the cold will have faded like a bad dream. 

It's almost Satoru's birthday.

It’s cold. You feel goosebumps form on your arms. It occurs to you that you may have forgotten to turn on the heat in your apartment. Central heat. A rare luxury in these types of apartments. But you don’t want to leave the warmth of your bed, so you lie back down and curl into your bed.

Just as you’re about to succumb back to temporary emptiness, the door to your bedroom is thrown open. You wince as the door slams into the wall, raising your head.

“Something happened,” Shoko says plainly, crossing her arms. “I hope you haven’t been hiding from me on purpose.” 

You don’t recall giving Shoko a key. But you must have, if she’s inside of your apartment. Guilt churns in your stomach. You’ve been avoiding not just her, but Satoru and Suguru. You’re unsure of how to act around them anymore. You don’t know how much you can tell her. How much you should.

Then she lightly frowns. “Why is it so cold in here?”

You sit up, worried the cold might be bothering her. “Let me turn on the heat.”

Before you can stand, she waves you off, taking off her coat and lazily throwing it on a nearby chair. “Forget that,” she sighs, walking over to your bed and motioning you over. “Move over.”

You wordlessly comply, scooting to the far end of the bed as she settles next to you, lifting the covers over her body. 

The two of you look at each other, at the opposite ends of your pillow, sharing your comforter. At the warmth of her body, you almost close your eyes. You think if you fell asleep now, no nightmares would come to you.

“Shoko,” you say quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

But you had. Days passed in a blur. You didn’t give much thought to it, devoting all your efforts to routine. Luckily, there were no assignments after Nagoya. This bitter winter is a slow season for curses. You went from your apartment to Tokyo University and back, buried yourself in your studies, and blocked out the world. You hadn’t meant to. You kept on telling yourself you’d reply to that text, that you’d show your face again, that you’d pretend everything was alright even though it wasn’t. Now you’ve caused Shoko undue worry.

She simply looks at you. “Something happened at the party, didn’t it?”

You think of Satoru. Then Suguru. It’s the most you’ve thought about them in weeks. You don’t want to think about them because the longer you do, the more your thoughts stray in ways it shouldn’t.

You pull your covers up to your chin, troubled, and your silence speaking volumes. She softens. 

“Never mind. I’m not here to force you to talk,” she pauses. “But if something happened. Something you didn’t want , then I want you to tell me.” She exhales. “Even if it’s Satoru and Suguru. Especially if it’s those two.”

It wasn’t…They didn’t…They…

You’re conflicted. “They wouldn’t…” you trail off weakly.

She looks at you blankly.

“It…”

You bury your face into your comforter. You don’t have the words to explain. It’s okay, you want to tell her. You’re more worried about Satoru and Suguru’s relationship than anything else. They’re arguing about something, you want to tell her, and engaging in acts with you you know they’ll regret. You’ve never cared much for what they do with you. You’d do anything, give them everything if they asked. If she asked. You lower the blanket.

She eyes you, suspicion lining her face. “Did they—”

“No,” you blurt out before she can finish. “Yes. Maybe.” You hesitate. “It wasn’t…”

Bad.

It feels like an admission of guilt. It felt so good it was horrible. You shouldn’t have enjoyed it. You shouldn’t have succumbed to the pleasure, not when the future of Satoru and Suguru’s relationship hung in the balance. It’s your fault, you think once again. The world is collapsing on top of you, and you can’t help but think it’s punishment for your existence. For taking more than you should have.

“Are you on birth control?”

You stare at her. “What?”

“Birth control,” she repeats, deathly serious. She rises from the bed. “I should get you started now—”

You reach for her delicate wrist, stopping her. “It’s not like that!” Your face warms with embarrassment. “I promise, it’s not like that.”

It's not that serious, you're sure. Even the thought gives you pause, makes you apprehensively embarrassed. It's not...like that. 

Luckily, it’s something you don’t have to worry or think about. 

“...If you say so.” She says, not believing you in the slightest. She retakes her position on the bed. “So,” she says after a pause. “Shirokami visited the infirmary.”

Right. You forgot Hideo had gone and introduced himself to Shoko.

Your stomach flutters, nervous. “Did you like him?”

“I did,” she replies. “He’s…” a thoughtful pause. “Nice. A country boy.” A wry smile. “Nothing like those two. At all. It’s refreshing, actually.”

Relief. You suppose he did grow up in the countryside, so it’s not too far off from the mark. As for being like Satoru or Suguru…

You resolve not to be hurt. The two of them are under no obligation to meet anyone. You won’t be hurt. 

“He made it seem like the two of you are close friends.”

You’re sure he’s just being polite. Hideo is nice like that. Nonetheless, it makes you a bit happy to hear you made an impression on him. That he thinks of you fondly. He considers you a friend. Maybe there’s hope for you after all.

The comforter is warm with the shared heat of your bodies. Sleep calls out to you.

“He…scares me a little,” you say quietly. Hideo reminds you of a part of your life you don’t like to revisit. He makes you feel like a child again, afraid to be alone. “There’s a lot I don’t like to remember…about…back then. But I’m glad I met him again.”

“I see,” she says, smiling. “Then me too. I’m glad the two of you found each other again.”

You blink drowsily, smiling back at her. Shoko’s face is the last thing you see before heaviness drags your eyelids to darkness.

—

When you wake up, you are pleasantly revitalized and a little more alert. Shoko is gone, but there’s takeout on your kitchen counter. You take a bite of the Vietnamese noodles and realize that your taste buds have somewhat returned. You eat the entire meal, full for the first time in what seems like months.

You reply to a text from Hideo about the crowd at Shibuya crossing, smiling at the litany of exclamation points accompanying by his texts. You realize Megumi texted you earlier, about when you’d be coming by again and another pang of guilt hits you. You’ve been neglecting the kids too, lately. You wouldn't survive Mimiko and Nanako's wide eyes, gazing up at you, pleading at you to stay with them.

It’s six now, and the sky is pitch black. You know for a fact that Suguru and Satoru won’t be at the apartment until later. Yaga-sensei had mentioned Gakuganji visiting Tokyo accompanied by several other clan members for some annual conference. You didn’t pay attention to the details.

You…could visit. Suguru would have already fed the kids by now. Maybe you could take Megumi and the girls out for dessert. Or order something to the apartment. You feel lighter at the thought. Spending time with the kids always made you feel better. It’s something you can do, as small as it is. Small things.

Small steps.

You change and you’re out the door shortly. It doesn’t take you long to reach the apartment, greet the doorman, and take the elevator up. You knock. A few minutes later, the door swings opens, revealing Megumi.

“Hi,” you say brightly. “Have you been well?”

“Fine.” He lets you in. “Don’t you have a key?”

You laugh, still a bit breathless from the cold as you hang your coat up. “It doesn’t feel right to use it. I’m still a guest after all.”

Megumi doesn’t respond to that as the two of you enter the living room. It’s unusually quiet. “Where are the girls?”

“Mimiko and Nanako are with their friends. Tsumiki stayed after school for club.”

Just a couple of years ago, the thought of Mimiko and Nanako willingly spending time out of the apartment would have been a surprise. The two of them had been so recalcitrant about attending school. Suguru wanted to keep them homeschooled while Satoru thought putting them in school would be the best way to ease them out of their shell. It had taken time and patience, with several bad days, but eventually the two warmed up to their teachers and fellow classmates, Nanako especially. And where Nanako went, Mimiko always followed.

Mimiko had flowered into a sociable butterfly following her reintegration into society. It makes you happy to know that the two are alright now, so readily available to spend time with their friends.

“Just me and you, huh.” Megumi wouldn’t leave you though. Not yet. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah,” he states. “Earlier. I was just finishing my homework.”

You glance at the kitchen counter, finding Megumi’s homework spread around. “You don’t usually do your homework outside your room.”

“It’s quiet with everyone gone,” he says bluntly. 

You smile, taking a seat as Megumi slides in next to you. He resumes his homework, and you let him carry on, helping him when he asks, simply content to watch. A few pauses during this science homework which you help him through easily. He glides through his English homework, and you feel unnaturally proud of him as you proofread his work.

It doesn’t take him long to finish. Soon, he’s gathering his homework up and packing it into his backpack.

“I was thinking,” you start. You hear the door open in the distance. It must be the girls. Perfect timing. “That we could all go out for—”

You turn, every hair on your body rising in panic.

“Sato—s’guru,” you blurt out, frozen. “What are you guys doing back so early?” Your question comes out more accusative than you intended. Of course they could come back as early as they wanted. It was their home after all. You were the interloper. 

It’s just..

You thought that you’d have a little longer!

The two of them look at you. You shift uncomfortably, gaze bouncing from them to the floor to the wall behind to anything else. You’re a little more aware of the heat of their gazes on you, pinning you to the spot. Your collar feels warm, nerves jumping beneath your skin.

“The meeting ended early,” Suguru says amicably, smiling at you in a way that would be reassuring at any other given moment. “Satoru didn’t want to stick around.”

Satoru is oddly quiet, gazing at you. Even with his sunglasses on, you feel the weight of it, that prickle that tells you he’s focusing his attention on you. Your bottom lip twinges. You are determined not to meet his gaze. Or hold Suguru’s for too long.

Satoru cocks his head to the side. “You staying over?”

You think it’s Satoru’s way of telling you to leave. That you’ve outstayed your welcome. Suguru is too nice to say it outright.

“No,” you say, voice thin, throat growing thick. “I’m leaving now.”

“Can we talk?” Suguru asks quietly after murmuring your name. He gazes at you.

That’s the last thing you want. To be alone with the two of them. You don’t want to hear what they have to say. You want to imagine things to be okay, just for a little longer. Until you can’t.

“I’m sorry!” You say suddenly, antsy, hit by a sudden need to justify your presence at their home. You hope Megumi forgives you for the lie you’re about to tell. You glance down at him. “I just came over because Megumi needed school supplies!”

There’s a long silence.

A shadow of a twitch of an eyebrow falls over Satoru's face. "Since when does Megumi need school supplies?”

Suguru watches you carefully. 

Your face burns in silent shame. You stare at the floor, feeling horrible. 

“Since today,” Megumi returns testily. “We’ll be going now.”

Satoru looks mortally offended.

Megumi takes your hand and walks you out while you can't bring yourself to lift your head.

Outside, you bury your face into your knees. “Sorry,” you mumble. “Just give me a few…”

You squeeze your eyes shut and take a shuddering breath while your heart races in your ears.

“Are Satoru and Suguru okay?” You suddenly ask Megumi, who stays silent next to you. “Any issues?”

“They’re the same as ever,” Megumi says tonelessly, but his face is softer in its worry.

You smile. “I’m fine,” you tell him reassuringly.

He's right. If anything, at least the two of them don’t seem to be fighting. Not like they were during the wedding. But you still don’t think you can go back in there, and now you’ve forced Megumi out of the apartment.

You feel a mixture of guilt and horrible, horrible dread slowly spreading through you.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I shouldn’t have come. You probably don’t want to be out this late—”

“I don’t mind,” Megumi says. “I was going to take a walk anyway.”

That brings a small smile to your face. “It’s a bit late to take a walk, don’t you think?”

He shrugs. You feel a bit better at the fact that he’s not bothered at your impromptu outing. Rising, you take his hand once more. “Then let’s walk.”

You and Megumi walk around the neighborhood. The streets are dark, illuminated by streetlights in the mostly residential area. Other than the occasional dog walking passerby, the two of you walk in comfortable silence. Until the two of you find yourself all the way in Shibuya with its bright lights and noise. It’s easy to get lost in the lights of Tokyo’s busy nightlife. Throngs of people pass you by as you meander, following the crowd, with no particular destination in mind.

The two of you stop by a 7-11 tucked a bit further away from the bustle. You buy yourself a strawberry daifuku and ask Megumi if he wants anything. He isn’t hungry, so you buy him green tea.

More aimless walking takes you to Sakuragaokachō, away from the crowd. Streetlights and dark buildings greet you, but something about the area looks familiar. Nudges at muscle memory, the nerves in your foot. If Megumi notices your pace pick up, he doesn’t say anything.

You make your way down the street and slowly approach.

It’s a small, odd shaped building. With a curved dome of a roof that makes it look like a half moon.

You stare. “I think I used to come here.”

You remember the pitch blackness of a room, the steady hum of the ac that had filled the room, and the slow blinking of the stars coming alight on the ceiling. You remember this building. 

The memory feels distorted. Incomplete. You feel like a clumsy child putting together a 500 piece puzzle, slotting pieces that don’t fit together. Your head hurts. 

There’s a sign taped to the window next to the entrance. You momentarily squint.

Closing for good. All bookings are final. 

Closing…for good…

Megumi calls your name.

“Sorry,” you blink it all away. “It’s nothing.”

“...Do you want to go in?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…”

“It’s still open.”

“That’s okay.” You don’t want to force Megumi along with your whims even more than you already have tonight.

“I want to go in,” Megumi points inside. “We can buy tickets right now. It’s the last show”

He looks serious enough that you consider it, glancing at the building. If it were any other child but Megumi you might have worried that it would be boring. “Alright,” you say slowly, less troubled. “If you really don’t mind…”

He tugs you forward. The two of you enter the carpeted lobby and approach the usher who hands you two tickets without much fanfare and tells you that this is the last showing of the night. To your great relief, nothing looks familiar. It’s all different. It might not even be the planetarium you had regularly been taken to as a child.  

The two of you enter the dark room faintly lit by dim stars dotting the curved ceiling. There are three couples scattered across the room. You let Megumi pick your seats in the corner and slide in next to him on the reclining seats.

The seating is different. It used to be standard seating in rows. You think. You aren’t sure. Maybe you just aren’t remembering it right. You must not be remembering anything right, right now. You’re buffeted by a perturbed feeling that grows stronger with every passing second.

The room is enveloped in darkness. A recorded woman’s voice begins to play. One by one the zodiacs appear above you while the voice drones on about creation myths and history. Amanominakanushi, Takamimusubi, Kamimusubi.

Different constellations are projected onto the ceiling, constantly in motion, forming new shapes, fading in and out.

You used to come here. You were a child then. You aren’t a child anymore. Nothing is the same. You aren’t that naive child that had proclaimed this planetarium your favorite place in the world. You hadn’t cared about the planetarium as much as you loved being pressed against your warm father, and his steady hand on your head. Your mother’s hushed whispers pointing out more stars.

You suddenly can’t breathe. You are keenly aware of Megumi right next to you, the humming of the air condition in the background, the narrator on the speakers, and every single breath trapped in your chest. Your head spins.

You close your eyes, slowly fisting your knuckles until they’re tight, feeling your legs and arms go numb. It’ll pass. It’ll pass. Don’t bother Megumi. It’ll pass. It’ll pass.

“—a’am”

“She’s occupied.”

Megumi’s curt voice.

When you open your eyes, the lights are on and you are on the floor, clutching your knees to your chest. You blink, readjusting to the light.

The attendant looks unsure. She looks barely out of high school. “The show’s over and we have to clean up so…”

“Right,” you say unsteadily, embarrassment slowly creeping in. You stand. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s alright…” She looks more relieved than bothered. “The exit’s to the right.”

You quickly gather Megumi and make a dash for the outside.

“Sorry,” you tell him breathlessly, once the two of you have made it far away enough that the embarrassment isn’t as painful. You squeeze your eyes shut, press your hands into your eyes, and take a big gulp of air. “Megumi,” you mumble. “I’m really embarrassed right now.”

“It’s okay,” he says quietly.

There’s a horrible, sinking feeling in your stomach. You kneel down, meeting him at eye level, and manage your best smile. “Hey,” you say, cupping his face with your palm to even your gazes. You meet the dark purple of his eyes, the sincerity in their depths, and think that Megumi has all Fushiguro Toji’s roughness and grit, but none of his meanness. He couldn’t be more different than his father. Your Megumi is a good boy. “I’m alright. Thank you for spending the night with me.”

His gaze lowers. “Yeah.”

You stand back up, brushing your pants off. “I should take you back to Satoru and Suguru now…” You take out your phone to call a cab, but Megumi speaks up.

“Can I stay with you tonight?”

Your first thought, guiltily, is relief. You can’t send Megumi to the apartment himself so you resigned yourself to having to face Suguru and Satoru once more. You have a late morning tomorrow. It’s Saturday so Megumi doesn’t have school either. It’s the perfect opportunity. 

You smile. “Of course you can.”

——

You text Satoru and Suguru that the two of you have arrived home, shut your phone off, and find Megumi already tucked underneath the covers of your bed. Thankfully Megumi had left some of his clothes the last time he had visited. You watch him for another minute, the steady rise and fall of his body, and the smallness of him. For once, he looks his age. Just another sleeping child.

A couple of years and he’d be as tall as you. You doubt the two of you would be able to comfortably share a bed as the two of you do now. You observe him, adjusting his sheets, smoothing out his hair, until you join him in slumber.

——

You wake up with a start, a scream building in your throat. 

Megumi isn’t in bed. It’s still dark out. Fear grips your heart as you look around your room. Maybe your shuffling had woken him up and he had gone into your guest room to sleep. The thought makes you feel marginally better. But you also feel bad. You should’ve delivered him back to the apartment, swallowing down your discomfort in exchange for Megumi’s sleep.

“I got you water.”

You startle. It’s Megumi standing in the darkness of your doorway. You blink, adjusting to how the shadows meld into him, almost swallowing him whole.

Your throat happens to be parched. “Thank you,” you rasp out as Megumi presses the glass into your hand and climbs back into the bed. You drain the glass. “Did I wake you?”

Megumi’s silence tells you everything.

You sigh. “I’m sorry. It’s not usually this…” Bad. You figure it’s all the stress of your life. And then with Nagoya…

Megumi looks at you. “You were…” he trails off, pulling the covers up higher, up to his neck. “Nevermind. It’s nothing.”

You hope you haven’t been talking in your sleep.

Megumi falls asleep easily enough again, while you thread your fingers through his hair.

When sleep claims you once more, you hope for the forgiving light of the morning to come quickly.

You’re about to head home from the campus of jujustu tech when you catch a glimpse of blonde hair in your peripheral, turning the corner to the courtyard.

“Nanami!” You call out, and the figure stops.

Your kouhai turns to you as you approach, a respectful downtilt of his head. “Senpai.” 

It’s been a while since you’ve seen him. He looks as good as you can normally attribute to him. Straight laced and responsible. Nanami’s always had a maturity to him that you’ve always thought highly of. It’s been years since the two of you were in high school, but sometimes you can still see the slight sullen downturn of his lips when Satoru does something particularly annoying. Some things don’t change.

“How have you been?” Judging from the overnight duffel in his grip, he must have just gotten back from an assignment of his own.

“The same as always,” he responds. “Thank you for asking.” A sensible answer you’d expect from him. He pauses, looking you over, the tinted eyepiece over his eyes offering you nothing. His gaze doesn’t pity you. He doesn’t offer you condolences. It’s an understanding that makes every single troubling thought resurface.

Oh, you think.

“I heard,” he says quietly. About Nagoya.

Your smile turns tight. You force it wider. “It’s over now.” You don’t know what else to say.

“The children…”

It’s a rare moment when Nanami is at a loss for words. You hadn’t expected Nanami of all people to bring this up in conversation. You’re not as upset as you could be about it. Talking to Nanami is and always has been…surprisingly easy.

“An aunt volunteered to raise them.” You think of the shell shocked son and the blank eyed older daughter. Your mouth turns sour. You stare at your shoes. Hopefully, they’ll get settled in soon. You will yourself to say the words but nothing comes out. 

Nanami understands. “Ah. I see.”

The two of you stay silent.

“Nanami!” A voice exclaims loudly.

Satoru.

You don’t have time to react before Satoru is there, in front of you, loudly slapping Nanami on the back. You wince, both at the noise and Satoru’s sudden unwanted arrival. “If I didn’t know better I’d say you were ignoring—”

Wordlessly, Nanami inclines his head to you once more, before turning on his heels and walking in the opposite direction of where he had been headed previously.

“He hasn’t changed one bit!” Satoru sighs. “Just when I thought the shared bonds of adulthood brought us closer…”

“...”

You wonder if you can slowly inch away.

He turns to you, as if sensing your intentions. You brace yourself for impact.

Satoru cocks his head to the side, studying you in silence, gaze shielded. You swallow, pulse starting up as you stare back at him.

“Seven tonight,” he finally says, to your great confusion. “Wear that…” he twirls a finger, “dress.”

A slow smile pulls at his lips. His fingers smooth out the collar of your dress shirt, and you swallow nervously when his fingers brush the heat of your neck. “Suguru barely got to see it, you know?”

Oh.

You hadn’t even thought about it since you shoved it back into your closet, hadn’t touched it. It felt wrong to throw it out. Shoko picked it out specially for you. Despite it all, you wanted to hang on to it.

He takes a step forward. You take a step back into the wall. He leans into you.

“Don’t be late!”

–

You hadn’t planned on wearing the dress. Then you looked up the restaurant on Google and nearly dropped your phone at the price range. 

-

After taking your jacket, the hostess brings you to one of the private rooms in the back before leaving with a bow. You hover at the shoji, feeling anxiety grip you tightly, knowing that Satoru and Suguru are already inside. You wonder if you have to. You could lie, make up some excuse about an emergency as (un)well as it would be received.

The door abruptly slides open before you can decide.

“There you are,” Satoru simply says.

You aren’t given time to do anything else but take off your shoes as Satoru takes you by the wrist with an ironclad grip and leads you to the opposite of the table where Suguru is already seated.

He smiles at you as you slowly lower yourself onto the tatami matting floor. Even now, you still find comfort in Suguru’s smiles. It feels wrong.

“Have you eaten?” He asks as Satoru settles down next to him. “The wagyu here is famous.”

“I’m fine,” you say tightly. Hunger is the last thing on your mind as Satoru and Suguru watch you. Suguru with a carefully crafted smile, and Satoru with an unreadable expression. You’re so nervous you might pass out.

You stare down at your lap.

You are saved from the silence when a waitress knocks and enters the room with a tablet in her hands. Satoru begins listing off an obscene amount of food with Suguru occasionally chiming in with one thing or another. Wagyu, house smoked salmon, lobster, a colorful variety of more seafood, and more. They must be hungry.

Satoru goes quiet. You realize the waitress is waiting for your order. You raise your gaze with a small, polite smile. Had there even been a menu? “I’m not hungr—”

“Double everything,” Satoru says.

You stare at him.

“Add hot chrysanthemum tea to that,” Suguru adds.

“And that,” Satoru completes. “Put it all on my card, would you?”

You’re taken aback. You look to the waitress, hoping she hasn’t put in the order yet. “A-Actually—”

“That’ll be all,” Suguru says smoothly. “Thank you.”

The waitress bows and slips out of the room before you have a chance to say anything else. You don’t have time to comprehend her disappearance and you’re left staring at the empty space she had previously occupied, mouth slightly agape. You turn back to them.

“I ate bef—”

“Then you can eat a little more,” Suguru replies easily. A winning smile playing on his lips. “Right?”

You can’t meet Suguru’s gaze, but you feel it travel over you. “...”

When you chance a glimpse up, Satoru’s face is cradled in his palm. His gaze is centered a little lower than your face. You briefly wonder what he’s looking at when your hand automatically comes up to slap the memory of his teeth on your collarbone. The bruise is gone, but with Satoru looking at you like that you can’t be too sure.

The two of them share an infinitely amused glance.

Satoru opens his mouth. You beat him to it.

“I’m sorry!” You blurt out. You feel like it needs to be said before anything else. You clear your throat. “I’m sorry.”

Satoru raises an eyebrow. “Already?”

“What are you apologizing for?” Suguru asks.

Your fists curl, anxious to be speaking everything to existence. You struggled between acknowledgement and the relief of denial. You didn’t want it to be true, but it still happened, hadn’t it? “Everything,” you say plainly. “I didn’t…I don’t want to come between the two of you…I think that the two of you should talk things out more instead of…”

You think of Suguru’s face between your thighs. Satoru’s lips on yours. Your face feels embarrassingly warm. You want to crawl into the nearest closet, shut the door, and burrow into the floor.

There’s a knock on your door. Your waitress places your drinks down and leaves once more. Glad to have something to occupy your hands, your hands circle around the tea mug. It’s hot enough to burn, but the prickling of pain in your hands oddly enough, grounds you.

“It’s okay to be mad,” you say quietly. You should’ve stopped things before they escalated. Instead you let yourself be caught up in everything. “If the two of you want to be mad at each other then I’d rather you be mad at m—”

“Just a second!” Satoru raises his hand.

“Y-yes?”

He proceeds. “We’re not mad at you.”

Satoru meets your wide gaze evenly. Disbelief. You look to Suguru. You need confirmation. 

“I was never mad,” he says, regarding you with concern. “More worried.” A wry smile. “You started avoiding us so suddenly…”

The revelation stuns you. They aren’t…mad? They don’t hate you? The two of them know everything. More disbelief. Relief wars with confusion. You don’t know what to think. You thought the worst, and maybe that was all your fault. You’ve always gotten too caught up in your head. It’s easy to spiral when you’re left alone with your thoughts. You don’t like being alone, the loneliness, but it’s your most familiar friend. 

“I thought the two of you hated me,” you admit, fingers clinging to the warmth of the tea in your hands in lieu of fidgeting. “I thought the two of you would never want to see me again…” It doesn’t feel real. They aren’t mad. They aren’t mad at you. You could cry from the relief.

You eye them warily. “Are you still fighting?”

It’s Suguru who answers you, expression soft. “You could say we’ve come to a compromise.”

You straighten, feeling lighter than you have in what seems to be ages. They’ve called you here to forget about everything. Everything is alright. Everything is going to go back to how it was. Well, not exactly. Satoru and Suguru may get married in the near or far future, and you'll naturally, slowly, take your leave from their everyday lives. But you’ll still be friends. Suguru will still look at you fondly. Satoru will still afford you the same considerations that everybody else thinks he lacks.

“I’m glad,” you say earnestly with a wide smile. “Then I’ll forget about everything. I’ll pretend nothing happened.”

Everything is going to stay the same. You take immense comfort in that fact. Your nerves settle. You take a long sip of your tea.

The two of them share another look.

Suguru reaches out, his fingers brushing one of your hands that you laid palm down on the table sometime after Suguru told you he was never mad at you. His thumb sweeps over your wrist and you startle, pulse spiking. “Did it feel good?”

You blink. You don’t need to guess to know what he’s referring to. You glance from Suguru to Satoru and then back again, wordlessly opening and closing your mouth. You can’t escape from the question, or their combined scrutiny.

You press your legs together. “It…did…” There’s no need for you to have felt as if you shouldn’t have enjoyed it, but you still feel a pang of guilt. Satoru and Suguru aren’t mad at each other, or at you. They still love each other. Everything is going to be alright. Everything is going to stay the same.

“That’s good,” Suguru says warmly. “I wanted to make you feel good.”

“Oh,” you reply, breathless and unsure. “Thank you.”

Satoru exhales with a laugh that shakes his shoulders. It’s not derisive like you expected. It’s fond and amused. “How about all three of us feel good?”

You blink.

The implications aren’t lost on you. You open your mouth and then close it. Maybe Satoru and Suguru’s odd actions towards you had nothing to do with their argument in the first place. Maybe you were overthinking it all from the start. It’s just sex.

If you could help them feel good, then you don’t mind. “Okay.”

The two of them stare at you.

You wonder why they look so...surprised. It’s not as if you’ve never seen an occasional third breach their bedroom. A man or woman you've never recognized. It’s just sex. It’s normal. You think that maybe, like you, they want the comfort of something familiar. And if anything, you are familiar. But—

You’ve never had sex before.

You hesitate, feeling oddly self conscious about it as your gaze drops back to your lap. You’ve entertained some thoughts about it all, but you always figured the ugly scar on your abdomen would be discomfiting to most. And explaining it…

“I’ve never been with anyone before. I hope that’s alright.” You fidget. “I’ll try my…” you reluctantly meet their gazes, ”best.”

There’s a brief silence.

“That was easy,” Satoru remarks, squinting at you as if you’ve been replaced by an identical lookalike. He glances at Suguru. “We should’ve just done this earlier.” His gaze joins yours once more. “That easy?”

Earlier…

You stare at them, almost dumbfounded.

The two of them should’ve just asked earlier, to save you the emotional turmoil if anything! 

It was only ever sex. It only is sex.

You hesitate. You don’t mind. You really don’t. It doesn't need to mean anything, especially with you. You prefer to look at it in simpler terms. Sex can be pleasurable, and with you, that’s all it would ever likely be. You doubt there are any other intentions involved.

Then you say, quietly, meaningfully, “I like…spending time with the two of you…”

A bark of laughter leaves Satoru’s mouth. “Well, we’re not exactly going to be watching movies —”

“You don’t need to,” Suguru suddenly says. “If you don’t want to, then you don’t need to.” He gives you a soft smile despite the sharp jab of his elbow into Satoru’s abdomen. Satoru hisses. Suguru doesn’t miss a beat. “Don’t let this guy pressure you.” There’s a pause. “Everything would stay the same.”

Maybe a part of you had been waiting for those words. Everything would stay the same. Suguru always knows what to say, you think, because his words feel like a confirmation.

“Are you two alright with me?” You ask. “I’m sure there are plenty of other people…” who know what to do.

You are gripped with sudden anxiety and your stomach twists into knots. You don’t know what to do. You wouldn’t know how to make them feel good. You’ll be terrible and they’ll wish they never asked you in the first place. You swallow the knot in your throat. “I’m sure Sasaki-san would love—”

“No,” Suguru’s fingers momentarily tighten over your wrist. “Only you,” he says at the same time Satoru says, “Who the hell is Sasaki?”

You blink. “5’4, brown hair cut into a bob, hazel eyes. She was wearing a silver colored kimono…” You pause thoughtfully, recalling the shapes and patterns. “There was an embroidered crane on it.” Running down the side of her left leg. “She smelled like apple blossoms and had soft hands…” She smelled good. You remember that, along with the heat of her fingers when they brushed your own. You stare down at the hand that had touched her, momentarily lost in thought.

Satoru stares at you blankly while Suguru looks vaguely resigned.

You try again. “The matchmaking ceremony you ditched…?”

Satoru is characteristically unrepentant. “Which one?”

“...”

Suguru looks like he’s trying to stifle laughter.

All those poor girls…

“Masaru Sasaki,” Suguru murmurs. Satoru makes an annoyed face.

“ That girl. She was practically hanging off your arm—” Satoru bites the rest of his sentence off, blue eyes narrowing at Suguru. “You cheatin’ on me?”

Your palms immediately turn sweaty. It could be a joke. It could also not be. Sometimes, with Satoru (and even Suguru at times) it’s hard to tell.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you,” Suguru replies blithely. “Maybe you’ve been neglecting me.”

You busy yourself with your lukewarm cup of tea, unsure of what to do. A second’s glance upwards and you’re met with an amused glint in Suguru’s eyes and a lazy grin curling at his lips.

If Suguru was lonely maybe that was why he sought you out in the first place. The more you think about it, the more it makes sense. You’re not one to comment on things that aren’t your business in the first place, but it seems more and more likely.  You knew their boundaries. They knew you’d never push for anything they don’t want. If Satoru doesn’t like Sasaki-san, maybe they compromised on you.

You think back to Suguru’s words. They’ve settled on a compromise. That’s what you are, a compromise. The thought consoles you. In the end, it’s nothing serious. Nothing you should have given more than a second’s consideration. It’s as insignificant as a loose lipped comment. The two of them will have stopped fighting now. You’re glad for it.

Satoru snorts. “Neglecting you right into her open arms,” a derisive twist of his lips, “or should I say le—” 

“She seems very nice!” You exclaim, sweating. “It’s not very nice of you to say things like that, Satoru.” You chide lightly, before you smile brightly at Suguru. “She’s very pretty.” You hope you come off encouragingly so that you can convey to Suguru that you are on his side. “She seems wonderful.” 

Suguru blankly smiles back.

Luckily you’re saved from having to salvage the conversation when there’s a knock at the door. Your waitress returns with a cart of food, quickly laying down platter after platter. It doesn’t stop until almost every open space on the long wooden table has been filled with seafood. You stare at it. The abundance of it all. Maybe Satoru shouldn’t have doubled everything…

Your tea is refilled as Suguru murmurs his thanks. When the waitress takes her leave you’re still staring at all the food, unsure of where to even start when Suguru sets a stacked plate down in front of you.

You stare at the colorful array of sashimi and uni and the perfectly cooked wagyu. Your stomach already hurts at the coming richness of the meal, but now that the load of potentially ending Satoru and Suguru’s relationship has been lifted off of your shoulders you’re a bit hungrier than you were when you arrived.

Satoru keeps on loading your plate with more and more food. You pick up your chopsticks, intent on slowly shaving down the precariously tilting seafood tower on your plate when he conversationally asks, “So how was Nagoya?” as he places a large piece of uni on your plate.

You think of a sobbing, blood stained child clutching his mother’s severed hand in his arms. Then you think of Megumi.

Your appetite dies, stomach curling inwards.

They don’t know, you think as you look at the both of them seated across from you, waiting for your response. It was classified as a grade 2 mission after all. Two worlds shattered, and it hadn’t even merited a full time auxiliary manager. It’s considered beneath them now, eliciting the same mundane response as Suguru asking Satoru to check the week’s weather so that he can put umbrellas in the kids’ backpacks. The other week Suguru captured a curse that could have easily leveled Tokyo with a crushing tsunami. Satoru had been away in Malaysia.

It was just another child alone in the world, another corpse, another casualty.

You stare at your cup of tea. You hear Nanami’s gentle, quiet murmur in your ears. I heard.

You wonder if this is something you should even bother them with. There are always more important things to worry about than one of your bad days. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. Not really. You don’t matter. You never have.

“It was fine,” you hear yourself say. It was horrible. You’ve been having nightmares again. It’s been a long time since an assignment hit you this hard. “Just another assignment.”

“Did something happen?” Satoru stares you down.

“Not much.” You reply easily, wondering when it had gotten so easy to lie to them. Just about the small things.

You silently pick at a piece of hamachi. It’s not your place to get involved. You can’t get involved in the tragedy of all the assignments that make you feel as if everything you’ve ever done is redundant, even if you can logically acknowledge you’re unlikely to make a real difference. Not on a real, tangible level. It still makes you feel horrible. 

You are suddenly, very, very tired.

“Are the kids home?” You want to see Megumi, wrap your arms around him, and squeeze him tightly just to reassure yourself he’s okay. You want him to never have to worry about jujustu society or the responsibility of being a jujustu sorcerer. You want him to be able to choose. It’s wishful thinking. It’s already late and the four of them should be getting ready for bed. You wish you could just hold Megumi, Tsumiki, and the twins. The four of them are so young, and already too old.

Suguru’s smile turns affectionate. “The twins are asleep by now. They had a late night yesterday. But Tsumiki’s probably still up doing her homework. I’m not sure about Megumi…”

“Probably sleeping,” you confirm. An early sleeper, and early riser. The boy had his habits.

“You wanna stop by?” Satoru asks casually.

You blink. You must be imagining the suggestion in his voice. 

“I was just wondering about the kids,” you rush out, embarrassed for having even thought it in the first place. Of course not. It’s not as if they were expecting anything from you right now. If anything, you should bring the night to a wrap so the two of them can get back home instead of having to entertain you. “It’s getting pretty late out though, isn’t it? Maybe we should call it a—”

“You haven’t touched your food,” Suguru lightly frowns and although his displeasure isn’t aimed at you, you still feel somewhat chastened. “Still not hungry?”

“A-ah…” You pick your chopsticks once again. “Thank you for the meal,” you murmur, taking a bite of the first thing your chopsticks come into contact with. Octopus. You realize that it might have been rude of you to not eat anything when they’ve so graciously invited you to an expensive restaurant like this. Now that you’ve taken a complimentary swallow, you look up at them expectantly. “I don’t want to keep you two—”

“Maybe we should order some drinks,” Suguru takes a couple of bites out of his own food. “Satoru needs something sugary or he’ll be too restless to sleep tonight.” He sighs forlornly, despite his lips pulling into a teasing smile. “When he gets in a mood, he likes to push me around in bed.”

You blink.

Suguru looks at him, fond. “He’s a horrible sleeper.”

Satoru huffs. “And you love me for it.” A thoughtful pause. “I could use a drink.”

“Great.” Suguru presses the button on the table. It doesn’t take a full minute until your waitress appears in the room. “Your most sugary nonalcoholic drink and a cup of sugar. I’ll take a bottle of your most expensive Junmai Daiginjo. Two cups.”

You open your mouth to object, but Suguru beats you. There’s a concerned look on his face. “Is there something wrong with the food? I thought you would have at least finished your plate…”

Your waitress almost imperceptibly freezes, the smile high on her face. You look to her in a panic. “It’s delicious!” You look to Suguru and say once again, “It’s delicious!”

Satoru looks a few seconds away from breaking into loud laughter. He succumbs, snickering into his elbow.

Suguru breaks into a smile. “I’m glad. You’ll eat some more, won’t you?” Then to the waitress, he says, “Two cups.”

The waitress hightails it out of the room after a bow. You stare at your plate in silence as Suguru and Satoru have a pleasant conversation about how although Satoru hates going to the Zenin compound, he had found something interesting there the last time he visited (two weeks ago). Your ears perk when Suguru says heavenly restriction.  

You take another bite of the food on your plate, intent on finishing half of it before your waitress comes back in an effort to make her feel more comfortable.

This time, your drinks are delivered by a waiter. You feel bad for your waitress who had probably asked to be transferred to a different room. Suguru pours you a cup as Satoru takes a long sip of what looks like a strawberry cream float. It looks like something out of an amusement park cafe, but Satoru looks satisfied.

You’re about to ask about the heavenly restriction, when Satoru eyes you.

“I should feed you,” he announces.

You stare at him. “What?”

He stands up abruptly. You watch as he makes his way to your side of the table in three long steps, and plops down next to you. He takes a large piece of uni and holds it up to your lips. 

“Open up!” He says cheerily.

You do not open up.

He’s making fun of you, you’re sure of it. “You don’t need to feed me,” you say pointedly. You look to Suguru for help, but you only get a grin in response.

“Indulge him,” it almost sounds sympathetic. “He’s in a mood.”

Up close, his eyes are piercingly determined. You relent, opening your mouth as Satoru places the uni in your mouth.

“Now be good and finish your food,” he says smugly. “Or you can finish the rest on my lap.” 

You stare at him in unabashed horror.

"At least try to look somewhat interested," Satoru deadpans.

Suguru snorts.

Under the threat of Satoru’s continued intervention, you slowly make your way through your plate as Suguru refills your cup. Time passes in a blur. Satoru is warm next to you, shoulder pressed to yours, and you resist the urge to lean on his shoulder. It’s almost reflexive, to sink into him. The two of them quietly talk about a child called Zenin Maki. You force your shoulders straight while their voices drift in and out, feeling your eyelids slowly dragging shut.

You blink when Suguru says your name. The two of them are looking at you.

“Sleepy?” Suguru inquires.

You slowly nod. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I should go.” You gather your things, but when you rifle through your bag to find your keys you realize they aren’t there. You pat your pockets, search your bag once more, and still. “My keys…”

Satoru lifts a finger to your face, the ring of your keys looped around his index. You reach out to grab it but Satoru lifts it away. You’re confused. Those are your keys. You reach for them again, but Satoru swiftly moves away. You’re debating on stopping him with your cursed technique. Infinity isn’t on, you can tell.

“Satoru—”

“How about a kiss first?” He murmurs, leaning in, lips hovering close.

Your bottom lip throbs, as if remembering the shape of Satoru’s teeth and the way it had drawn blood.

…

…

…

You’re already putting on your shoes. Satoru must have sneaked a few sips of Suguru’s alcohol. He’s drunk.

“I’ll stay somewhere else tonight,” you say quickly. Shoko would probably still be up. If not, there were always hotels around. In the morning you’d ask your building’s super to open your door. You have a spare key inside.

Satoru sputters. “Hold on!”

Suguru laughs, long and loud. You relish the sound, despite your back being turned against him. He says your name.

You pause, meeting his gaze over your shoulder. To give him the benefit of doubt if anything. Suguru pats the floor next to him.

You eye him. Suguru’s expression is full of innocuous intent.

“At least let me look at you before you leave,” Suguru sighs out. “Before you leave us again.”

Suguru looks sad. It makes you feel…kinda bad. You have been busy lately, haven’t you? (Avoiding the two of them.) You don’t like it either. You’re glad this dinner has resolved most of your worries. You crawl to him, intending to say your goodbyes to his face, but Suguru takes your hand.

You aren’t sure how you end up on his lap. You really aren’t. You were on the floor and now you aren’t, and Suguru’s chest pressed to your back. You open your mouth and then figuring against it, you close your mouth. You opt for staring down at your own lap and trying to stay still enough to rival a statue. 

Suguru’s arms wrap around your waist. “Much better,” he murmurs, playing with the hem of your dress that reaches down to your ankles. “I like this color,” he says conversationally, as if your mind isn’t white blanket quiet in your panic. “Did Shoko get this for you?” His lips brush your ear.

You nearly bolt but Suguru’s arms hold you down.

“Pfft.”

You give Satoru a wide eyed look pleading for help from where he’s made himself comfortable on the floor in front of you, lying on his side, head propped up to the side by a hand. 

…You hadn’t expected Satoru to help.

You really didn’t.

You feel your will to flee slowly drain out of you. Prey resigning itself to be dinner.  

“Shoko…picked it out.”

“She likes dressing you,” Suguru says with a small laugh, releasing your hem and hiking your skirt up high enough for his hand to slide up your thigh in a caressing gesture. “How about you give Satoru and I a turn next?”

You blankly burn a hole into your lap, deathly mortified. “That’s…” a little embarrassing, you think. Why would they ever want to do that? Satoru is looking so intently at you that he could be jealous, and you think you might be sick. After all that talk about Suguru feeling neglected…

“Like…another dress?”

Suguru hums.

“...Shoes?”

Suguru laughs. You can feel his smile. "Among other things."

“S-Suguru,” you start, putting your hand over his arms locked around you. “I should really get going…”

He sighs, and you can feel it in his chest. “Right. Of course.”

You wait for him to loosen his arms, to free you, but he doesn’t move.

“...Suguru—”

“Kiss tax!” Satoru interrupts, suddenly in front of you. He’s insistent, leaning into you once again with a hand on your thigh, except you have nowhere to back away but into Suguru. “Just one and you’ll be on your way!”

This is humiliating. You want to die.

Satoru’s face hovers closer and closer. Without thinking you intercept his lips with a hand, muffling his mouth.

“We shouldn’t,” you blurt out. “Not in public.”

Satoru doesn’t deign you with a response. Instead his gaze exaggeratedly sweeps the room, as if to emphasize the lack of other people. 

Someone could come in. Anyone could see. They don’t want to be accidentally seen with… you. “Nobody can know.” Then for good measure you say it again. “Nobody can know.”

Satoru isn’t happy. You can tell by the press of his lips. Suguru’s gaze bears into the top of your head. But you’re worried about their prospects. About everything they might regret. It’s best to keep this a secret. They’ll thank you for it later, you’re sure.

“Who car—”

“Please.”

Satoru momentarily glances upwards. He’s still unhappy. “Fine. Right Suguru?”

“That’s right,” you hear him say from behind you. His tone is carefully measured. You don’t want to look at him, and you can’t discern his feelings either. “A secret.”

You exhale. “Thank you.”

After a second of agonizing hesitation, you lean forward and press a small, short kiss to Satoru’s waiting lips. When you pull back, you shyly say, “kiss tax paid.”

“That was nothing,” Satoru says immediately. “Ten more.”

You frown.

“You forgot someone.” Suguru’s voice is light, almost chiding.

You didn’t forget. You just hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this. You turn your head to the side and lean in. Suguru meets you halfway, lips soft on your own. Almost immediately, Suguru’s arms go lax, as a hand comes up to cup your face, thumb running along your cheek.

It lasts a second longer than Satoru’s kiss, which is already enough to get him whining about timing the length of your kisses which means more kissing.

All that matters is that you’re finally free. You jump to your feet, swipe your shoes, and run out the door without a second thought.

[innitmarvellous]

I finally finished Inside No. 9 after not watching an episode for ages. I had stopped in the middle of S7... Anyway, I took some notes about the episodes which are possibly interesting for a rewatch. They're pretty vague, but I'll hide them under the read more link just in case. ^^

Kid/Nap: Not my fave episode, but the double twist was kind of intriguing. Although I guess it would've been possible to expect it.

Wise Owl: Wow, I didn't expect this to get so dark towards the end. I mean, it wasn't a happy episode to begin with, but that 'come upstairs with me' bit... But I liked that he freed himself from the influence of 'Wise Owl' at the end.

Bones of St Nicholas: Didn't like this one too much tbh. It was a nice spooky story I guess, but not really what I'd expect from IN9 idk

Mother's Ruin: I'm glad I didn't watch this while I was eating something, lol. Idk, but I did quite like it. Lots of surprises (although I knew that it wasn't their mothers ghost talking lol)

Friday 13 (no, I can't remember that title and I'm not sorry xD): The first part was pretty funny, although really anxiety-inducing. That stuff about various annoying things happening when you just quickly need to do something happens in my dreams all the time and I hate it, lol. Well, the reveal of what it really was about was alright too. But I KNEW that something would happen in the end after all. I knew it.

Love is a Stranger: looking back it was so obvious what was going on, but it was a great misdirection, so I was nevertheless shocked when I realises the truth. Probably tells a story about prejudice and how it makes you perceive things and people

3 by 3: idk why, but this one made me really uncomfortable, even though I knew it was an ep of IN9 and not a quizshow. But I thought the twist was a bit too late, too small and if you knew what it was it was easy to pick up on the hints beforehand. I assume the effect would've been greater if watching it blind, but then I would've turned off long before the end of the episode because that was one lame quizshow :D

Last Weekend: HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT ENDING, I think this is the first episode I definitely won't ever rewatch, lol.

Boo to a goose: this one made a big impression on me when I watched it and the social criticism is really important, but I think it loses a bit of its effect the more I think about it. It really is an interesting watch though and I kind of want to rewatch it to pick up on more hints like the ads on the windows etc.

Trolley Problem: I didn't expect the story to take this turn and I found it thrilling to watch (the mind game episodes are always the best ones tbh), but I can't really say much about it. Of course there's the moral thing that 'just doing nothing' doesn't mean you're free of any guilt.

Mulberry Close: I found this one oddly funny? The twist wasn't even that big, but the ending was just great black humour, I'd say.

CTRL ALT ESC: I actually really liked the metaphor, even though I didn't understand it at first. And I didn't expect that he'd actually made his 'escape', so the last minutes were pretty tense. Oh, and the title…I initially confused it with the command used to open the task manager, but that's Ctrl+Shift+Esc. The combination in the title is used to force a switch between the active and a background programmes (iirc), so in a sense…someone needed to use that key combination on him to get his programme aka consciousness to the surface again. Kinda clever, and yet you don't realise it immediately :O

Curse of the Ninth: Oh, I loved the classical music theme! The ending with that use of music (and the way he tricked her lol)! And Reece's character constantly getting Devonshire's name wrong was kinda hilarious to me…maybe because it didn't seem to fit the tone of the episode at all, haha.

Plodding On: They might as well have called this episode 'Steve and Reece say: RPF is fine' lol. It was an unusual episode, but idk, I kinda liked it. That fucking 'Time to say goodbye' clip collage tho…that song always almost makes me cry for some reason, haha.

[nickelstudy]

JLPT N1 Experience

So first of all, Happy New Year. It has been a while since I've updated this blog. I've been feeling depressed in the past few weeks, I think it's because of drawing? I feel like I haven't been performing well in art, and that it's hard to accept painful truth that I cannot please everyone- not that it matters on this blog, but it's WHY I decide to take some time to write an update here.

I was supposed to talk about my first experience with N1 but I got busy after. I caught up in many stuff, I guess, plus I was busy with my birthday and helping my family's work throughout the month. But now that it's over, let's talk shall we?

Before That

I haven't talked about my last week strategy, here's what I did.

Stopped learning Kanji and do the drills instead

Finished Shinkanzen Grammar in the first section. I had some days left, so I skimmed through the second section without doing the exercise (I did for A - D i think but- I definitely shouldn't)

Borrowed these two books (pic below). For reading, I did every bit of every question style (there were like 6 of them right? Short passage, Long, etc.)

And for listening, I tried to rush through it but I kinda gave up with the chapter III or IV I'm not sure.

I switched between two of them on the last day

FYI the blue book is actually fantastic! I think I've said it before but it has explanation for each answers. I think it's super cool.

Now For N1

Chapter 1: Before exam

For context, I travelled to the exam location alone, so I wasn't bounded by anyone and I could roam anywhere. I got out early, and arrived there pretty early. But walking from the entrance to the exam spot took a while, to the point where I doubted to myself if I was going in the right direction. There were many people there already. I think the morning peeps had already entered the room when I arrived.

I had lunch and... wander around (Typical Pikmin Bloom player). There wasn't much to do anyway. I decided to take a quick review of some onomatopoeia and other vocabs. I think at that point, nothing is more important than vocabs. It was a while before they allowed us to go up the building. Anyway, I SAW A KID in a highschooler outfit in front of the same room as mine! IM- I DON'T KNOW?? HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE THIS GOOD AT THAT AGE?? And of course we entered the room. I sat not so far from the entrance.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that they never announced to bring a mask but they asked everyone to wear it in the room?? Luckily, I had it on already.

Chapter 2: The Exam

Sorry for the long introduction haha. SO, starting off with vocabs, grammars, and reading. I skipped to grammar secion first because it's not too hard or too easy. It's all fuzzy now but I did okay(?)

There was あっての that's pretty easy. But there was one of them that bugged me and I was wrong on that one too. It's といたしまして... so weird, I didn't expect it to answer that. ALSO, HONORIFIC VERB CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD but i think i answered it right.

Then onto reading section because I was really scared if I couldn't finished it. It- took me a while to finish each of them but in a fair amount of time. It's like 10 minutes left that I switched to doing vocabs with a lightning speed because I FORGOT there was a fill in the blanks and not just guessing kanji's reading.

I almost got 誇張 (こちょう) wrong as こうちょう

There were 奇跡、偏り、矛盾、賄う、軽率 in which i had no problems

Filling the words is where I had problem due to hurriness. I missed the 快挙 cause I don't know the word.

見返り too, because there was a word that I thought it meant (repay) and not the first

I GOT ONOMATOPOEIA WRONG ANYwAY HECC YEA i didn't know what つくづく means so i went with きっかり or きっぱり im not sure

Also there was a sentence that was supposed to mean "His body condition was..." I thought it was "worsen" so I went with 崩れる except no it's the opposite "ほぐれる". I didn't know that word but i've seen it before it's the goodamn spirit's name from the game.

I didn't know what 尺度 means or how it is read but I got the meaning substitution right (yay) (it's standard)

Here's the fun one. デマ... THIS WORD THAT I NEED TO GUESS HOW IT IS USED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING ITS MEANING. I tried to came up with the word this word could come from. Dermatologist? Demand? Theme??? (that's テーマ) I had no idea and got it wrong eventually. Can you guess?

It's "Demagogie", a German word meaning false rumor... WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED. I asked one of my Japanese if she knew. Of course she did. She even gave me an alternative for it too... but I forgot. I only know that's it in katakana (im sorry)

Last minute i left one Mondai randomly answered!

For Choukai, it was so goddamn fast. I am certain that if it wasn't fast, it would be manageable for me. I honestly don't know if I scored it well or not, the last listening part were as hard as ever. ONE THING ABT IT THOUGH, there was a part where they were talking in a cafe about how the shop owner use a coffee beans? I think?

ANd FOR GOD'S SAKE WHAT'S WITH THE BACKGROUND MUSIC??? My concentration was popped away, I kept glancing around wondering if what I was hearing was someone's phone or the tape's music. I don't even know what the question really was to be honest.

What's Next?

I- I don't know. I just need to wait for the result. But I'll try to slowly get back to learning a bit Korean and Japanese every day again. Probably need to brush up Memrise and Anki. At least 5 mins a day haha. Thanks for reading til here. Keep on learning! I'll make sure to do my best for learning languages this year too!

I don't have new year's resolution but I guess.. continue ASL? I got busy that I have no time to do it anymore. I doubt if I can do it, considering I'll be busy with internship next academic year.

Anyway, have a great year everyone. Hope you have a good luck and success with studying and anything you are willing to pursue this year.

[causenessus]

good morning, evening or afternoon my loveliness!! how’s your day been? have you eaten? MAKE SURE U EAT !! today i just had pasta in the morning like i literally JUST got off work and i was like okay okay time to reply to my dearest ness(ill probably have pasta again)(like ill be eating in between writing this LOL) but OH MY GOD MY JAW DROPPED WHEN I SAW HOW LONG MY LAST ASK WAS LIKE IM LITERALLY I YAPPED SO MUCH IM SO SO SORRY LOL i was like i genuinely went😧(AND THATS EVEN IN THE SMALL FONT!!)(deepest apologies to anyone who had to scroll pass that)

OFC I NOTICE THINGS ABOUT U !! i think it’s like a like my mind mentally notes the things you say and i kind of catch onto your mannerisms?(IS THAT WEIRD??)(like in a GOOD WAY ofc) and i just kind of recognize the way you write !! like i feel like if the roles were reversed i would 100% be able to tell who you are by the way you write(IN A GOOD WAY ALWAYS IN A GOOD WAY)(all love for my one and only always always) also yeah! i don’t live in the states but i think our timezones are the same or like one hour apart so I TOTALLY GET IT the assumption is valid! DONT APOLOGIZE AT ALL i would’ve done the exact same thing or honestly if someone said “i have the same time zone as you” i would probably be like omg stop they’re my neighbour LMAOO

THE RESTAURANT CHAOS SEEMS SO REAL like i’ve never worked in a restaurant so i can’t really imagine the environment but hearing the experience from you and my friend who works at olive garden i’m like… maybe i SHOULDNT complain about my retail job LOL LIKE IT SEEMS SO CHAOTIC? but that’s so true!!(sorry you probably have no idea what i’m talking about) LIKE I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN MAKING SURE THE CUSTOMER IS OKAY like ill be running around the store holding like pounds of clothing and ill have a customer come up to me like “erm do you have this in the back?” LIKE MA’AM RESPECTFULLY NO IM SORRY CAN YOU TALK TO ME WHEN IM NOT BUSY but i CANT say that so i just end up saying “im sorry whatever we have out here is all we have :)” then i scurry away like IM JUST A GIRL?? also also idk if this is a common thing too but lets talk about some of the WEIRDOS at work right so i know im 18 now but when i was a minor i had some weird interactions with MEN(let me just give you a little description of mango anon right so im like 5’1 and i have a baby face like “going into places saying i’m 13 for it to be cheaper” type of baby face)(but this is when i was like 16 i don’t think that trick will work anymore LOL) but tell me why i had GROWN MEN come up to me USING MY NAME(curse name tags) be weird? like i had this one guy literally tell ME(I WAS 16 OR 17 DURING THIS) “you’d make a good housewife!” when i was folding his clothes and at first i was like yo okay that’s a bit weird but then he was like “how old do you have to be to work here?” THEN i was like okay okay that’s personal information! so i was just like “oh haha idk” like awkwardly and he’s like “so do you have to be over 18 to work here” and i was like SIR okay your total is $18.67 how would you like to pay today! anyways it was weird, my other coworkers also had a lot of weird interactions so like one of my coworkers who was older than me just told me to not wear my name tag like our managers won’t make a huge deal out of it and whatever so yeah that was that, lesson of the day! don’t be a weirdo!

also i swear run and props is like favourite for tech theatre WHICH I GET like when i was in high school a lot of people liked being in run and prop because idk they like the big role or something?? i think also costumes and makeup was also pretty popular but like i remember one time the director flipped a switch on us because like the makeup crew was actually people from our cosmetology class and they would like fool around A LOT like they did the makeup but they would be like yapping a lot so one day my director was like IF UR NOT GONNA DO UR JOB THEN WE’LL HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT !! and then everyone was like oohh okayyy(we got yelled at A LOT tbh for little silly things)(tech theatre ptsd ill tell u) and omg the kid who wanted your light job like CALM DOWN(i am now too spiteful against them)(i will hire the etsy witch to curse them for you) like i swear i’ve met some of the worse people in tech and its CRAZY like the ratio of normal people to absolute arrogant weirdos is CRAZY(ill be generous and say 1:3)and literally yeah like i didn’t want to continue with tech because of the toxic environment like i literally CAN NOT, i know people in uni would be a little more mature and like take tech more seriously but i STILL CANT LIKE there will always be that one person that will ruin it for everyone so i had to blow out the torch and unfortunately say goodbye to theatre </3 UNLESS ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE I HEAR YOU DROP THAT YOURE GONNA BE WORKING AT A THEATRE i’ll literally buy my plane tickets and sign up to be sounds and go be with you like YOU WILL MAKE IT BEARABLE and we’ll literally be the ultimate lights and sound duo like no one can compete idc if the other person has more years of experience than me I WILL STILL SQUEEZE MYSELF IN !! ALSO OMG IN MY THEATRE DAYS (in my good old days) literally most of the people who did take it serious were WOMEN like we are tech mothers!! we are women in STEM!! the majority of people who got on my nerves were men(i apologize to any men reading this)(but unfortunately it is the truth for me </3) ALSO PLS ITS SO FUNNY HOW YOU HAVE AN ICK FOR EVERY GUY YOU USED TO LIKE (i 100% get it) i love hearing about it too LOL ALSO THAT DYNAMIC OF STAGE MANAGER READER AND LIGHTS HEAD SUNA?? i can literally imagine suna being so silly and teasing while the reader has to take it seriously since yk.. it’s her job LIKE ITS LITERALLY LIKE MANAGER READER X SUNA BUT THEATRE-IZED (if that makes sense) also PLS DONT WORRY!! u have so much stuff lined up like take your time and don’t worry! at the end of the day everyone should be thankful that you’re even here sharing your amazing talents with everyone <33

also oh. my. god. if i heard someone say “ITS UP TO ME TO SAVE THE SHOW” i think i would die on spot like id stare at them in genuine disbelief and be like.. alright… alright everyone pack it up our HERO is here to save us like ?? omg and i literally had the same experience right so we were doing the shirley holmes play right and our lead just would not SPEAK UP LIKE ill admit. their acting was pretty good and stage presence was good but WHY CANT YOU SPEAK UP??? like literally so many times i had to like try to read her lips because i literally could not like it was so frustrating, and i couldn’t even be mad at her because she was good EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT SHE COULDNT PROJECT and yk why yk why she was like “im saving my voice for show night” like… excuse me… EXCUSE ME?? (anyways i have a lot of old rage from tech)(this is why i quit!!!)

ONLINE GROUPS ARE SO FUNNY LIKE I SWEAR ITS THE SAME LINEUP LIKE the oldest which formed the group, we have the middle area then the random minors who are like 10 years younger than everyone LOL but socks if you read this im so sorry </333 idk if i liked you back i was like 15 at the time but i promise you i wasn’t ghosting you </333 i was just trying to see what you said I DIDN’T MEAN IT !! ALSO DONT WORRY ABT UR TANGENTS BCUZ ME TOO i literally ramble and yap so much sometimes im ASTONISHED LMAOO

ALSO IM GONNA GO BACK MEMORY LANE FOR A SECOND BCUZ THAT ANON THAT ASKED YOU ABT THE ORIGINAL LOVENOTES STORY AWAKENED SOMETHING IN ME so i remember the first ever ask i sent in was when you were first making love notes like the intros were out already and everything and you were talking about how like having suga in the storyline was kinda messing you up a little bit and you were saying how you were second guessing yourself on it so i sent in a little anon ask(I CANT REMEMBER PROPERLY BUT) saying basically “hey !! you can still change the storyline because it is ur story !! just write what you’re comfortable with” SOMETHING LIKE THAT and u were literally so sweet and then that’s when you changed it and i was like omg ness is literally so sweet what then a few days later i sent in just a small like “hi ness how are you ! did you eat yet?” (i think those were my exact words i actually don’t remember) AND YOU WERE LITERALLY SO SWEET?? LIKE I ALMOST CRIED BCUZ LIKE you were like “tell me what you ate and how you are!” and i thought it was literally the sweetest thing ever so i made it my life obligation and role to make sure you were always taking care of yourself from now on like even if im busy i will always send a little “make sure to eat!! take care of urself!!” (i’ll literally be ur guardian angel from now on) i also think you put it in ur favourites and i literally MY HEART MELTED I WAS LIKE HHHHHH BUT YEAH anyways that’s the origins of mango anon LOL but anyways omg i yapped so much this took an hour to write (IM NOT COMPLAINING I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY)(but to be fair i ate between writing these) it’s so funny bcuz an hour passes by but i don’t feel like it’s an hour like i swear i black out and i just type type type and im like omg im done!!

ANYWAYS i hope you’ve had a good day today and that you’ve eaten well!! U DESERVE NOTHING BUT THE BEST make sure to take care of urself I APPRECIATE AND LOVE YOU VERY MUCH SO MAKE SURE YOU TAKE CARE OF URSELF!! always and always <333 xoxoxo

MY LOVELY MANGO ANON I MISSED U SM <3 HELLO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON HELLO CAN U TELL I MISSED U (like it wasn't my own fault i haven't been able to open my inbox until just not BUT NONETHELESS I MISSED YOU </33 LIKE I WAS WORKING AND I WAS LIKE "i haven't seen anything from mango anon yet </3" BUT THAT'S NO PRESSURE ON YOU!! IK YOU WERE BUSY AND ALSO HAD THAT 9-5:30 SO I TOTALLY GET IT OKAY NOW I'M GOING TO GO BACK AND READ YOUR ASK!!!)

I HOPE YOU ATE AS WELL!! dw i've once again been eating my depression meal staple BUT TODAY my toast had almond butter on it bc i'm just really obsessed with almond butter <3 SO I THINK I ATE GOOD TODAY!! AND I HOPE YOUR PASTA WAS GOOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON AAA I MISSED U 😭 AND IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A DAY OR ANYTHING SINCE WE TALKED BUT I JUST MISSED U PLEASE DON'T WORRY ABOUT LONG ASKS AT ALL!!! PEOPLE CAN DEAL WITH IT AND SCROLL PAST YOU ARE MY ONLY PRIORITY <3

and i totally get what you mean!! i catch onto a lot of people's mannerisms/habits as well and always remember like super small details they'll tell me about but i feel like i've never met anyone else who does that 😭 YOU AND ME BEING TWIN FLAMES AGAIN MANGO ANON I'M IN LOVE WITH U <3

AND PLEASE AS SOMEONE WHOSE WORKING IN THE RETAIL AND FOOD INDUSTRIES RN </3 THEY BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS like yes men are weird 😔 i can't tell if i appreciate the fact that like 50% of the sushi chefs i work with have/have had a crush on me and the way they all stare 😭 or find it uncomfortable BC LIKE on one hand they are very nice!! and it hypes me up!! like most of them are just "aw you look like ur mother <3" since i work at that job with my mom (unfortunately) but then the one's who like me are like "do u want me to cut watermelon for u 👴" LIKE NO BRO GET AWAY 😭😭 AND LIKE FRFR THE TERRIFYING INTERACTIONS I HAVE WITH OLD MEN ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS A MINOR???? THAT WAS NOT GOOD AND THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED READING YOU TALK ABOUT THE MAN THAT SAID YOU'D MAKE A GOOD HOUSEWIFE LIKE??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? LITERALLY WHO SAYS THAT TO ANYONE AND EVEN MORE TO LIKE SOMEONE YOUNG WORKING A RETAIL JOB AND LIKE 50K MORE REASONS WHAT IN THE WORLD 🤮🤮🤮 it is literally horrible that like you have to not wear a nametag just to prevent those interactions 😭 but at the same time nametags suck!! and i never wear mine bc i just don't care LMAO

TECH THEATRE PTSD </33 IMO I ALWAYS THOUGHT RUN/PROPS WAS SUPER POPULAR JUST BC IT SEEMED LIKE THE EASIEST THING TO START IN IF THAT MAKES SENSE?? LIKE LIGHTS/SOUND ALWAYS SOUNDS INTIMIDATING AND FOR MY SCHOOL (going to stop talking in caps bc idk why i'm screaming all the time like for what?? calm down ness it's ok) we had like a SINGLE person on makeup (and so our tech director would do specials) and like just a few people for costumes. sound was usually like two people, lights was a bit bigger (unfortunately)(i HATE working with people)(except if i worked with u <3 i would be jumping for joy and my life would be sunshine and rainbows <3), but run and props was always the biggest. like i started there bc it seemed the least scary!! so i think that's a lot of other people's thought process too 😭 WE ALSO GOT YELLED AT A LOT FOR STUPID THINGS or i mean idk if it was stupid we kind of deserved it bc like theatre kids yap SO much but like my director during tech week would always be like "we must preach patience and kindness guys!! everyone is stressed during this week so please be patient with each other ❤" and then HE'D be the one to blow up like my freshman year when i got thrown into ASMing for our spring play backstage like someone on my side was talking and my director like LOST IT and came into the wing from behind me and started yelling at us and literally gave me a panic attack 😭😭 like i had to leave bc i could NOT breathe and luckily someone found me bc i was fully about to pass out LMAOAOAO AND THEN my junior year is when i started lights and so u probably get this but like yk lights and sound is always in a booth (which i think are always behind all the seats, right? or at least that's how it's been for every theatre i've gone to) and so our director lost it again bc someone was talking i think but since i'm in the booth we watch this middle aged bald man get up and go behind stage and we're all like "oh no."

like that rehearsal full on stopped everyone started hiding LMAO OUR PEOPLE WITH HEADSETS BACKSTAGE PUT DOWN THEIR MICS SO WE COULD HEAR WHO HE WAS YELLING AT but everyone in the booth went on lockdown like our spot op ran up to hide in the booth and then we locked the door and i hid on a speaker bc i was NOT getting yelled at again but then we resumed rehearsal and our director never came up so my stage manager next to me and me were like "oh thank goodness he didn't come yell at us" AND THEN HE POPPOED UP RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR BOOTH WINDOW AND I SCREAMED 😭😭😭 AND HE CAME IN AND THEN JUST WENT

"okay how's it going? what do you need from me?" i need you to LEAVE SIR MY SOUL JUST LEFT MY BODY

ANYWAY THE 1:3 RATIO IS SO GENEROUS LMAOOO there is so much toxicity there 😭😭 so i totally get it. when the theatre world comes crashing down u and i will make our comeback mango anon!! we'll go in as a fire lights and sound duo together and beat all the professionals despite only having high school experience LMAO

I ALSO HAVE A LOT OF OLD RAGE FROM TECH THAT'S WHY I'M STILL MAD AT THE KID WHO TRIED TO STEAL MY JOB 😭 i will never get over the "it's up to me" quote like literally i remember that and the RAGE THAT FILLS MY VEINS OMG anyway 🌸 "i'm saving my voice for show night" HELLO??? I BET SHE DIDN'T EVEN SPEAK UP DURING THE ACTUAL PERFORMANCES OR NOT THAT MUCH LOUDER AND LITERALLY LIKE IF UR VOICE IS THAT SENSITIVE GET OUT OR FIX IT OR SOMETHING IDK BUT LIKE U CANNOT DO THAT (i am with u completely on the still having old pent up rage as u can see)

ONLINE GROUPS ARE DEF FUNNY AND THE RANDOM MINORS BEING 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE IS SO REAL 😭😭 pov 2020 when i was on a shifting discord server.....and there were people of all ages....what a time that was....i don't want to think about it anymore....

AND AAAA MEMORY LANE <333 I REMEMBER EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE ASKS BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE SWEETEST!!! like i could not tell you how much it meant to me to have someone checking in to make sure i ate bc that's just something super like ??????? sweet to me <3 like i felt so loved reading your asks AND I STILL DO!!!! TIME FLIES WHEN UR HAVING FUN!! (barf. never saying that agian. way too cliche. BUT YKWIM) I LOVE LOVE LOVE THESE LONG YAP SESSIONS!! THEY ARE MY FAVORITE THING EVER <3 I'M SO GLAD YOU DECIDED TO START SENDING IN MORE ASKS BC YOU HAVE LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE AND MADE ME SO HAPPY MANGO ANON I'M SO THANKFUL FOR YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IF YOU COULDN'T TELL <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 (that's a lot of threes but i just spam threes as a way to get out pent up love/energy. it's like my way of stimming through the screen LMAO)

I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD DAY!!! TODAY HAS BEEN AMAZING NOW THAT I'VE HEARD FROM YOU MANGO ANON MY LOVE MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER MY SOULMATE LOVE OF MY LIFE <33333333 you deserve the entire universe and more!!! you deserve a sky full of shooting stars and thousands of wishes and for all of them to come true <3 i love you sm mango anon!! please make sure to take care of yourself too or i'll simply have to book a ticket and fly to you and take care of you bc i'll gladly be ur housewife <3 🥰 IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM U!! AND HAVE A LOVELY DAY TOMORROW AS WELL <3333

[cozy-sims]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

Thank you so much for tagging me @kestrelteens! 🥺❤

1. are you named after anyone?  Yes! I was named after german model Klaudia Schifer.

2. when was the last time you cried?  Probably a few days ago, I cry easily and I sometimes get very sad, so it's a dangerous combo haha.

3. do you have kids?  No :)

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?  I wouldn't say I use it a lot, but I definitely use it especially with certain people or certan situations.

5. what sports do you play/have you played?  I suck at most sports, so nothing really. Last year I started horse riding but that is a hella expensive hobby so I stopped going unfortunately :')

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people?  Their eyes and their attitude.

7. scary movies or happy endings?  Happy endings all the way! I'm too much of a scaredy cat to like scary movies.

8. any special talents?  I'm very good at recognizing songs for some reason!

9. where were you born?  In Hungary, born and raised. :)

10. what are your hobbies?  I don't really know! I keep switching between them at a rapid pace, so it's different most of the times. But I guess in general I like playing games and writing stuff, sometimes drawing.

11. do you have any pets?  Unfortunately no but I love cats and I would die for them :( ❤

12. how tall are you? I'm 175cm or 5'9"

13. fave subject in school?  English and literature. So much that I decided to study that in Uni but I hated them at uni 😂

14. dream job?  I don't knoow :( *cue existential crisis*

15. eye colour?  Hazel! (greenish) Twinning @kestrelteens ❤

I'll be tagging a few of you but I'm sure most of you already did this so sorry for the double tag and feel free to ignore! ❤

@bellagothss @sometownie @charmandersims @katatty @nonsensical-pixels @kayleigh-83 @anibats @ubervillez @simsdada @deedee-sims @frottana-sims @vimpse @pixelasher @eulaliasims @zeussims

[cooali]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

Omg I totally missed this sorry!! Thankyou @celientjeee <3<3

1. Are you named after anyone? Kinda? Im named after a book!! Its called Tiana, and the main character is ofc also called Tiana lmao. My mom really liked the name so she decided to name her daughter after the book and the character.

2. When was the last time you cried? 5 min ago???? I was reading and I almost always cry when im reading, I just cry very easily in general.

3. Do you have kids? No, but I basically raised my little brother so im gonna say yes. Also im a teacher so theyre all my kids haha.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Constantly, its just my first reaction to almost everything, but i am working on trying to do it a bit lessss.

5. What sports do you play/have played? I was a sporty child (how???) so I did some gymnastics, track and volleyballll. I played volleyball as well while in college! Now I dont work out really, just sometimes rollerblade with my family!

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people? The way their face moves? Kinda weird but I can never really form an opinion about someone when ive only seen pictures. The way someone moves their face and how their eyes light up etc just interests me so much.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy ending, im a sucker for friends and romance!! I also hate being jumpscared, so I dont watch much horror.

8. Any Special talents? I can read insanely fast? I guess? And I can make a weird frog sound lmao.

9. Where were you born? Delfzijl in the Netherlands!

10. What are your hobbies? Reading, playing games, listening to music and hiking are my consistent ones, and I switch between other hobbies daily or monthly oop.

11. Do you have any pets? Yes, a bearded dragon and a gecko! And I also consider my dad&brothers dog mine so she also counts!!!

12. How tall are you? 1.78m

13. Fave subjects in school? Biology, English and History? Idk not really a school kinda girl (she says while doing yet another fucking bachelor thing oop)

14. Dream Job Hm I always wanted to be a teacher, so def something with kids. But would also love to just exist!!! So no job is my dream job lmao.

15. Eye colour? Green/brown

Hmmm everyone's already been tagged buttttt dont think ive seen @taylormademagic & @coochifer ??? ignore me if im just blind

and because I love them Ill tag @bittersweet-ritual and @noahreadsbooks because its funnnn babes <3

[no-brain-just-akutagawa]

Wow, that's a lot of asks! I thought I'd just answer them separately, but as you can see a lot of them overlap, so I decided to put everything together under a cut haha

1. Favorite fictional characters this year.

I’m locking the door, we’re not leaving until 2024.

No but seriously oh my, there were so many! For the sake of shortening the list a little bit, I’ll choose 5 characters I’ve met this year, but I could spend hours naming all of them haha To illustrate, Jolyne Cujoh won’t make the cut despite batches 2 & 3 coming out this year, because batch 1 came out last year and she’s not a new character for me.

In no particular order:

1. Pochita from Chainsaw Man

2. Suzuya Juuzou from Tokyo Ghoul

3. Reigen Arataka from Mob Psycho 100

4. Anya Forger from Spy x Family

5. Okkotsu Yuta from Jujutsu Kaisen 0

2. Favorite ships this year

For this one I wanted to pick new ships as well, but if we’re being honest my year was dominated by one particular ship and it was fyolai. What’s funny is that I was more neutral towards at in 2021, I liked it, but I wouldn’t call it my favourite ship, and then I was doing my twilight meme saga and something in my brain just switched, I got an idea, thought haha just kidding…. unless?, and haven’t been the same ever since. The frenzy I was in throught the spring is indescribable and I literally did this to myself. Fyolai is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. Someone send help...

…and more fan content

*histerical laughter*

3. Favorite TV shows to watch this year

My 2022 definitely belonged to Jojo’s Bizzare Adventure. Part 3 was fantastic and part 6 was everything I imagined it to be. I originally started watching Jojo for the sake of having context for part 6 and I didn't even expect myself to get so into this world, I'd pick up the manga. What a bizzare advnture indeed!

There was also the 2nd season of Vanitas no Carte which I'm a manga reader of, so I knew what was going to happen. But still, seeing it animated was amazing. The only issue I had was that some aspects could've been done a bit better and the vibe seemed a bit of compared to how the story was presented in the manga. Maybe that's because of the differences between the used medium or Bones having to make so changes for the anime to work better, but reading the chapters felt more serious. But animated Naenia is still one of my favourite fantasy horror creatures and I want more of her.

Then there’s Stranger Things season 4 with which I have a complicated relantionship. I loved the first volume and I wish it hadn’t been cancelled in the middle of the season, that’s so unfair! (for context: the 2nd volume was of course released as planned but I despise the last two episodes of that season with passion and would rather pretend that the show was cancelled than accept them)

Of course I have to mention Chainsaw Man (which will appear again on this list haha), because I'm a huge fan of the way Mappa animated it. First of all, seeing chcracters animated gave them so much life and let each character stand out on their own. The decision to do a new ending each episode was also brilliant and each weak I was waiting to see how the new ending would look. Finally, the soundtrack was absolutely perfect, both the songs and the OST.

Lastly, the end of the year brought a lot of joy with Mob Psycho 100 making a comeback. I finally watched it and yes, it deserves ALL the hype it gets. I wanted to watch it for a long time and was waiting for the 3rd season to end to binge it, and it was a wild experience. This show is just so wholesome, it even made me care about episodic characters (not Dimple though, I don't like him, I'm sorry Dimple Stans) and I'd happily watch season 4 if it existed haha

4. Favorite books read this year

Definitely Dracula! Dracula Daily is the best initiative I’ve seen in a really long time (maybe ever) and I’m incredibly grateful I got to read it this way. And the fact that it was so synchronized with 2022 was fate. I wished for my 2022 to be vampiric and homoerotic and that came true in the most unexpected ways.

5. Favorite song, album, or artist to listen to this year

*cracks knuckles*

Okay no no no, I will be concise, I promise.

For the song, I don’t really have one favourite, because it’s way too hard to just choose one haha And yeah I picked first death, but it's not a definitive number one just one of my favourites and a song I felt desrves more hype, because it's excellent.

The reason why I picked it is because it’s beautifully different from anything I’ve ever heard and I’m so fascinated by the layers in this song. There’s just so much going on in the instrumental and because it’s really fast-paced I had to listen to it a few times before I even caught all the elements. Of course I have to mentions the vocals as well, because they’re perfectly utalized. In a way I feel like they’re more of an intrumental than the instrumental? Idk if it makes sense, but I feel like we’re meant to listen to this loud and very present intrumental and so the singing is a bit drowned out by it? It’s like the vocals and the instrumental are one in this song. And there’s also a lot going of with the vocals as well, switching from whispers to screams, lower voice to higher voice, it simply sounds wonderful in this song. I also find the usage of chainsaw noises an amazing easter egg, because this song was made as the 8th ending of Chainsaw Man.

Similarly Chainsaw Blood by Vaundy also utalizes this sound and is one of my favourite songs of 2022 as well. I didn’t expect the soundtrack of csm to give me 2 of my favourite songs of the year, but it was a very pleasant surprise. And as much as film credits fit the first episode, it’s such a shame that this song didn’t get to be an actual cinematic ending like the rest, because for me it perfectly encapsulates the vibe of this story.

Now, when it comes to other new releases I’d definitely put:

Love Dive by Ive - this is like THE song of the year and it deserves every bit of hype it gets, it's stunning in every aspect. I've heard it so many times and I'm still exicted each time I hear it play

Cheshire by Itzy - it's so underrated! It's one of my favourite Itzy title-tracks and it didn't even get much promotion compared to Sneakers (which was an objectively weaker song. I have a lot to say about the way JYP has been messing up when it comes to Itzy promotion, but the fact that this song was a part of a 4-track mini-album instead of a hugely promoted full album hurts my soul

Talk that Talk by Twice - to me it felt like The Feels pt. 2 and as a well-known The Feels enjoyer I couldn't be happier. I really like that Twice is now doing more mature concepts and keeping their youthfullness at the same time. It's not an easy task, but they're doing amazing

Limbo! by Nature - if you want to check this particular song out make sure you watch this dance practice video, because it’s so hilariously silly, I’m in love with this choreography. I love it when k-pop groups do "silly" concepts

Lightning by Charli XCX - I will go back to Charli in a second, but I just wanted to highlight this song

Shinigami Eyes by Grimes - at first I wasn't sure about this track, but it grew on me over the year and I find this new era of Grimes really fascinating. Just give us more music!!

Pop! by Nayeon - a perfect way to end this list and one of the song I didn't expect to even come out, because I had no idea Nayeon was having a solo debut. One day this song just materialized for me and I fell in love right away

The case with albums is a bit different, because there weren’t many new releases I’d be really into, so I spent the majority of time listening to older releases and making my discoveries there.

One of the exceptions was The Gods We Can Touch by Aurora which is a phenomenal album, literally one of the best I’ve ever heard, and funnily enough, it was released in January 2022. It raised the bar so high haha

Another album from last year I especially enjoyed was The God’s Machine by Blind Guardian, which was their first album under this name in like 7 years and it was everything I wished for (but please, guys, don’t make me wait another 7 years next time haha).

And lastly there was Crash by Charli XCX and I was so surprised by this album, because for the past few years she’s kinda been the face of hyperpop and so I didn’t expect her to go back to her pop roots. The effect was fabulous and now it’s probably my favourite of all her projects.

Now onto the artists! Once again there were so so many. Taylor Swift had an album (which was great btw just not my favourite of hers), I discovered Queens of the Stone Age thanks to my dear jojosis, Grimes made me hope for the Fairies EP for the entire year (I’m literally begging for Book 1, c’mon now I need this album), it was so fun.

It was also an interesting year, because it turned out that Siouxsie and the Banshees is actually that awesome band I didn’t know the name of, which led to me saying well I might as well give The Cure a second chance, right? and becoming obsessed with them. I connected the dots. I connected them!

*has to log out to cool down her emotions*

7. Favorite TV show episodes of the year

I’m glad you picked this question, because it’s so unusual to just pick specific episodes. To maybe list a few chronologically as I watched them:

s4e1 (Chapter One: The Hellfire Club) and s4e4 (Chapter Four: Dear Billy) of Stranger Things were both amazing episodes. E1 started the show with a bang and showed us that ST has amazing potential and can balance wholesome moments with horror elements really well while also being incredibly aesthetically pleasing. E4 has a phenomenal storyline, the stakes were crazy, and the Running up that Hill scene was possibly the most cinematic moment of the show.

s5e13 (Kiss of Love and Revenge (1)) and s5e14 (Kiss of Love and Revenge (2)) of Stone Ocean were hugely an Ermes arc and this was exactly what I needed for her character. They were also done absoltely beautifully and the scene with Gloria’s soul was one of the best moments of the whole show. s5e27 (Sky High) was also an amazing episode and the worldbuilding was hilarious, because what do you mean Rikiel can see some weird rods?? I had so much fun watching it and trying to figure out what was supposed to be scientifically realistic and what was simply bonkers. To be honest this whole season was wonderful, it’s just that there 3 episodes stood out the most to me.

s2e1 (Ripped Apart ~Someone Is Watching~) of Mob Psycho 100 was the best opening for the season this show could have and the scene in which Mob helps Emi put back together her book is one of my favourite scenes of the whole show, because Mob used his ability to help someone instead of using it for fighting purposes. Personally I really like slice-of-life stories that incorporate supernatural elements in the daily lives of characters. For the same reason s3e7 (Transmission 1 ~Winter Break~) and s3e8 (Transmission 2 ~Encountering the Unknown~) were also my favourite episodes, because it was like a break from all the action. I wanted to have a full episode dedicated to the Telepathy Club and these 2 gave me exactly that.

s2e16 (Hollow Mind) of The Owl House is another episode I want to highlight. The whole show is excellent, but I chose this particular episode, because it’s so dark and nice. Belos is one of my favourite villains of all time and this episode really shows why.

8. First fandom of the year

I had to think about this for a moment, but I’m pretty sure Spy x Family was my first new fandom of the year. So far it’s been a great experience though if I’m being honest I didn’t expect it to become this big. I knew it’d be popular, but THIS popular?? I even have friends who don’t watch anime on a daily basis tune in and watch new episodes and that’s adorable. The power this family has!

11. Biggest squee moments of the year (For ye youths who no longer use such awesome terminology, that means the fandom moments that made your heart cry out in overwhelming joy. Can y’all believe that “squee” didn’t quite stand the test of time??)

Tumblr Sexyman Contest! Seeing people come together to celebrate a Twitter contest through fan art and memes was a really beautiful moment. And Toby Fox wrote a fic! Like, are you kidding me?? Literal creator of Undertale writing a fic about a sexyman contest?? That was so cool. I was lucky enough to get interested in this subject before it ended, so I could watch the chaos unfold in real time and it was one of the wildest fandom experiences in my life. Oh, I have to mention for those who don’t know – hours after Sans was crowned the winner, Queen Elizabeth died and people RAN with the idea to incorporate her death into the contest. Yeah, things really got WILD.

Idk if that counts as crying out in overwhelming joy, but when chapter 101 of bsd was released I just happened to be at home and the noise I made upon seeing the drowning come true as a prophesized was hilarious. Like yeah I know that 2 lives are in danger, but I was so happy to be right. I can't wait for another jail break arc chapter and let me remind you I also said that Chuuya will survive and that in this universe vampires can't drown because they don't breathe. Oh, and also the newest omake also made me squeek in joy. Higuchi my beloved.

I also have to mention Stranger Things once again, because I was so happy when I was watching the first episode. It had been a long time since the previous season, so seeing these characters again was really nostalgic. And with this season taking a more horror-oriented route than the previous one, I was also squeeking with joy upon those clocks and everything. Like poor Chrissy, but I was having so much fun sjdhchcjsk

14. Favorite m/f ship of the year

It has to be jonmina (Mina and Jonathan Harker), it simply has to. Jonathan mentioning her in his shorthand all the time, Mina travelling through Europe to see him and marry him in a hospital, Jonathan willing to become a vampire to stay with her, they really deserve the title of my favourite m/f ship of the year. The bar is now astronomically high.

18. Fandom that you never expected to get into

To be honest I’m such a choatic person, anything can happen, and I fully know it. It’s like expect the unexpected, you know? But with that being said, I would never imagine myself getting this into Chainsaw Man. The reason I started reading it in the first place was because I saw that it was finished, and if I was waiting for the anime, I could as well read it to kill time, right? Well, no one told me part 2 would be coming out in summer! I had to learn through youtube showing me a headless chicken animation recommendation for me to be like wait what I don’t remember this chapter?? and the rest was history. No but really, part 2 is so good so far. It fixed most of the issues I had with part 1 (which was great, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that there were issues which aren't present anymore so part 2 is even better) and I can’t wait to read more. Also the anime was finally released and I feel like watching it with sound and movement definitely helps the story.

23. The most missed of your old fandoms

I really miss interacting with the Taemin branch of the Shinee fandom. It’s not gone or anything it’s just that now Taemin has to complete his compulsory enlistment, so there’s nothing going on. Other members have solo activities, but because Taemin is doing his enlistment, group activities are on a hiatus and I have to wait for him to be back to get new content and new music. I’ll wait patiently as long as it takes, but I still miss his comebacks and seeing Shawols come together to celebrate them. But let's not end on a negative note, because we still get cat updates and Kkoong is an adorable little kitty!

And that concludes today's ask time! Thank you everyone who left an ask in my inbox and happy new year to all of you as well ^^

@tachiehara, @platykool, @lady-tortilla-chip, @sensitiveheartless

[paulcatania]

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, TUMBLR?!?!?!

Dear Tumblr, I am so sorry for everything. Really. I am part of the problem.

First off, I am sorry for the #PornVibesStrong moment that Twitter ROBBED you of during and prior to the Trump Administration (and who knows, perhaps now). Didn't Trump shut you down? Something happened. I can't remember. But I know that wow, what a time. This time however? This is another time. A time which feels like no time or space are we existing. Just maybe. If anyone can understand what that means of feels like to think or say. The post Covid existence being this constant alternate universe, time warp fuckery I can't quite seem to pinpoint with a term defining. Listening to "Head Over Heels" right now by Tears For Fears feels appropriate. It just has that sound to it ya know. Especially when it shows up in Donnie Darko. OMG. DOES NOT THE POST COVID WORLD FEEL LIKE DONNIE DARKO???? I know this much. Wait hold on..... Ok I had to go and quickly skim the lyrics to that song as final line of the song played... "Funny how time flies....". It really is all connected.

I haven't written in forever. Not like this. Not through the vessel that is you dearest Tumblr. I have abandoned my original venting/creative space-preferred via the digital realm. It's all beyond a bit much; to say the least. As of this exact moment, trying to rid myself of the physical foot print being my last four years. A mental health decline in late 2018 where life didn't seem one worth living, yet still trucking through creative projects and feeling connected to "the muses" whoever they are. Entities undisclosed, yet carrying me. An overpowering of dark forces bringing me to feelings of wanting to simply NOT EXIST. I wouldn't say I was suicidal, but how many steps can we possibly be before thoughts turn transcend actions. So I kind of acquired an art gallery of my friends in the earlier months of 2019 which then turns into my quite literally manifested 2nd Hand Shop which I simply called "Paul's Closet". In this post Covid world I am left with what seems to be endless items now making up my brand name switch to a less than desireable to some "2nd Hand HoE". I know right. Who doesn't want to shop there?

2nd Hand HoE is a less than acceptably managed resale shop out of my office space in my hometown of Gloucester, MA. Yup. This is where I'm at. I mean it's not THAT bad. I'm working the sidewalk/vestibule/stairwell which leads to a second-level office building consisting of office space for commercial use. It's been a long and wild 3 years being back and forth between here and my apartment in Peabody just about 15 miles away. A shared space with my ex partner. The poor dude. Sorry Alex. Haha. Yeah, No. It was a great 3 years. A wild learning experience with a friend unlike any I'd ever had. Relationships can be intense. Cohabited relationships even more so if not the right time and place. And space. Hold this space my dear lover. Ugh I'm gonna shart my jorts. Honestly. I'm so lost. Like what am I doing. WAIT, I know....... DUH. I'm reintroducing myself into the strong relationship I once had with the Tumbz. I see you Tumbzi, and I know you see #metoo.

Anyhoozers, I was all up in my feelitos, and I don't even know what the fuck made me think of it but I was like, what should I do? Just sit here anal cav deep in my iPhone swiping between apps slash doom scrolling and being envious of others' shit???? NO. Ufck That dumb stuff. I need to recreate my life. Will I this time? Well, hope the fuck so. The universe will always work out the shit it needs to but I would like to be a little bit of a commander in this simulation as well. I mean that's only fair right? Most would say so. I have discipline issues. I'm afraid to take chances. I'm afraid of what everyone thinks of me. It's ridiculous. I hate the internet, and all these things I hate and am afraid of are the things I'm supposed to connect to and through to be anything worth anything in a capitalist world right? I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I just know that I need to speak or type or write or whatever the fahhhhhk is on my mind or else the wheels will turn and spin right off the track. Or shall we say, Tumbl off course.

of course.

[eupheme]

Hi J ! Love your writing! I was wondering if you could do a batman x fem!reader based off the idea that the reader is Jim Gordon's daughter and she meets batman and its really awkward and cute but Jim is not having it becuase he is super protective. Sorry if that's broad lol I'm new to requesting 😂😀

Ahh hi!! This is so fun, thank you so much for the request (I am so honored that you like my work!) 💕 I started thinking about it last night, and I got sucked in - I hope this works as a sweet little meet-cute.

Dinner Guest

Rated G - 900 words

Batman x F!Reader (Jim Gordon’s oldest daughter)

No Tags - just awkward first meetings! I tried to tap into the “college girl trying to look cute in front of her dad’s new co-op”, vibes haha 💕 (was that anyone else or just me??)

You wave at the guards as you push open the glass front door - there were perks for being the Commissioner's daughter, such as skipping the long line for security. Adjusting the straps of your tote bag, you follow the familiar path to the main office, the groups of desks clustered together.

Most of the officer's knew you by face, even the new recruits - you had practically grown up there. Hours spent making forts under your dad's desk, or sitting next to Mrs. Hudson, utterly fascinated by how she could switch from talking to you about school to dispatching calls, the picture of calm professionalism.

Rising on tip-toe, you scan the pockets of people, looking for your father - eventually spotting him leaning over a wall divider, talking to Officer Martinez.

Making your way over, your shoulder bumps as against his, announcing your arrival - his smile warm as he pauses, excusing himself as you give the officer a small wave.

“I didn’t know you were coming to see me. Where’s Barbara?” Jim hugs you, pecking a kiss against your temple.

“Babs is hanging out with friends, so I stopped by instead. I’m between classes,” You wave your hand, showing off the manila folder from his home office. “I brought those files you wanted.”

But then there’s someone else at his elbow, a Lieutenant wanting his advice on a case, Officer Martinez still waiting on his own answer.

“Can you put them in my office honey? I’ll be there in a minute.” He looks apologetic, but you smile, knowing how busy he is.

“Sure, dad.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” He smiles, squeezing your shoulder before you go.

Weaving between the desks, you walk down the short hallway, his new private office located at the end, his name printed in gold on the frosted window.

Once since you hesitate, frowning when you see the back window, cracked half-way open despite the late winter chill. It closes easily with a solid push, and as you go to turn you freeze in your tracks, something big and dark fluttering out of the corner of your eye.

Turning quickly, you gasp, the twist of fear in your stomach transforming into something else - surprise, excitement. It was the edge of a cape, caught in the wind, belonging to the figure waiting in the shadowed corner of the office.

"Oh my god, it's you." You breathe, clutching the folder to your chest, unable to stop your eyes from taking the quick loop, from his cowl to his boots, then back, "I follow all your cases, you are amazing."

He shifts, silent and wary, and you inch towards the wooden desk, resting your hip on it, utterly fascinated. The Batman is so much taller, broader, than you had though, the grainy photos online not doing him due justice.

Handsome, too. Younger than you thought.

All exciting revelations.

"My dad talks about you all the time." You confess, "I didn't think he actually, like - knew you."

He blinks, the flash of blue disappearing behind dark lids. Then, he surprises you, rasping out, "We... work together. He's a good man."

"Yeah, I know. He's great." You smile, turning to set the folder on his desk, your tote on the ground. A thrill runs through you, electric, and you wonder if your dad ever mentioned you, talked about you when they were working on cases.

But then your eyes are widening in realization, "Oh! You're probably here to see him. Do you want me to grab him?”

"I can wait."

It's silent again for a moment. But then you get an idea, pushing to your feet as you step closer, "You should come to dinner sometime, at our house. If you wanted. It's the least we can do, after you’ve done so much."

The door cracks open then, saving him from answering. Jim's brow is furrowed, looking puzzled as he closes it behind him, "Honey, who are you talking - oh."

The two men look at each other, before your dad turns back to you. You smile, shrugging as you lean back against the desk, "We were just talking. I invited him over, I could make dinner for all of us sometime."

He looks at you like you've sprouted two heads, "Honey, you hate cooking. You said so last night.”

You return a look of your own, a sharp barb of exasperation as your cheeks heat, before turning to face Batman, "Well, I wouldn't this time."

Jim shakes his head, taking you by the arm, gently pushing you towards the door, "We've taken enough of his time. Mrs. Hudson was asking about you, will you go say hi to her? We need a minute."

Sighing in disappointment, you crack the door open enough to slip through. Remembering at the last minute to lean back in to offer a quick "nice to meet you!" along with a cheery wave to the masked man, before the door clicks shuts behind you.

You think you saw him smile - or at least, that's how you're going to remember it later, when you pick apart every last detail.

Jim collapses in his chair after you leave, removing his glasses to rub at his temples, trying to soothe the headache that’s threatening to form, “My advice… do not have daughters.”

He looks up, and sees that Batman has not moved, except for the eyes that linger on the door - the frosted glass where the briefest shape of you can be seen as you walk down the hall.

Jim scowls.

“Or better yet, just stay away from mine.”

[princess-fuckrosa]

Hi. I hope you don't hate sk8 adam. If you one of the unique and awesome people whole love/like Adam can you perhaps wrote a SMUT of him? I'm sad that i can't find and SMUT about him cause everyone hating on him. You can write anything tho i don't have any particular request.

Thank you and sorry for the bad English. English is not my first language

Ahw, don't worry Anon, this blog is a safe place for loving on anyone!

And well, let's be completely honest, everyone who hates on this moron, is actually right about it, the latest episode left me a 3 minute complete silence as I tried to recover from what he did to our dear Cherry.......

But, to be fair, I have a soft spot for all the motherfuckers like Adam, so all of you who love the Matador of Love, don't be afraid to send in your requests, I adore him too! 💖

And don't worry about your English anon, it's perfectly fine! Send me a request anytime I'm open! ❤

*EDIT: Yesterday I forgot to include some stuff, so I added them~

HEAVY smut under the cut, general TW for the innocent vanillas~

Ainosuke Shindo (Adam) SMUT headcanons

We already have some clues about how the Matador of Love would be like in a relationship, and let me tell you, and I don't think it's a surprise but...

It's not nice. At all.

or it depends on what you call nice I think haha

Ainosuke definitely has a big turn on for tears and fear.

He's a sadist, and I don't think he would be completely against being on the other end of the line, but he would be the top dom most of the time.

He's into both physical and mental abuse, but before we completely bookmark him under the 'heartless psycho' category, he won't do anything non-consensual.

I imagine he would search for his 'Eve' in this way too, and if someone wouldn't willingly submit to him, they are just not the right ones.

So unless you let him do whatever he wants, he wouldn't take you seriously. He might have a one night stand, as he does sometimes, but to be his Eve, that's not enough.

He would expect you to be 100% submissive towards him, but only in the bedroom, and not on the casual side. He would love the contrast between the two: you being bold and confident during the day, but a sobbing, needy mess at night - perfect.

Master/Pet play is a big kink for him.

At first, he would give you a taste - he wouldn't be half as rough as he usually is, but would make you cry during the act, just to show off his style a little

"Do you still want to be my pet?", he asked, his index finger lifting up your head to make your teary eyes meet his seemingly empty, red ones. If you managed to whimper out a yes, his fingers would brush your lips as he leans a little closer. "I'm gonna abuse you, y/n."

You saying yes to him again would make his blood boil in excitement again.

He would absolutely cherish the idea of having a s/o as a pet, someone who would adore and worship him, and he could play with them as much as he would like to. Wouldn't go as far as caging (well, if you really insist, he wouldn't be against it either), but would give you a collar with "Adam" written on the tag.

Ainosuke is the kind that would be gentle and caressing at the start, and as the play session goes he would get more rough and vicious.

He does a lot of foreplay. It's mostly anything that implies that he is in control, and usually it starts rather innocently.

He walks over to you, caressing your cheeks with a brief smile, giving you soft kisses on your neck, hands traveling on your body with gentle touches...

...only until you get completely relaxed. He would lean back a little, his fingers tracing your lips, and for the first time in the last few minutes, he would smile at you.

And the fun begins.

You quickly learn that specific smile, the innocent, kind one that only appears on his lips when he came up with something truly dirty and terrific.

Would totally manhandle and take advantage of you. Grabbing you by the hair or your collar to get you to the bedroom, but sometimes when he feels like it, he could be able to just pick you up in bridal style and carry you to his bed - which is gigantic, by the way.

With Ainosuke, expect a lot of messy blowjobs. He would let you start and show your appreciation for the first few minutes. But after that, he would cup your cheeks, tug into your hair and face fuck you with vigorous speed. Plus points if you wear any makeup, he would ruin it, and almost get off only on the sight of seeing you crying off your eyeshadow. It would be hard to stop him after he starts, and wouldn't really care about your discomfort, the only thing he would avoid is making you vomit, he doesn't like that

He would call you the dirtiest, filthiest names ever, but would praise you and call you sweet, loving names just as much, especially during said face fucks.  

He is not THAT into bondage, Ainosuke prefers using his hand and body only to get you under full control, but if he is in the right mood, he would totally tie you up and abuse the hell out of you.

Doesn't matter if you are a female or a male, he would absolutely torture your nipples. Flicking them roughly, pinching them, tugging on them so hard that your back arches, slapping and biting them.

Getting to the main act with Ainosuke takes a long time, he would make sure to make you come one way or another, at least once.

Sometimes, when he is in a more affectionate mood, or you earned a reward, he would overstimulate you until you're so dizzy and disoriented that you don't even remember your own name, because you screamed his name so many times during your climaxes. He would leave you no rest, once you get your first one, he wouldn't stop, aiming for the next one, and the next one, and the next one...

Finally, when he gets between your legs with his crotch, you're so wet or lubricated that it wouldn't be much of a struggle to slam into you without a warning.

Through the whole foreplay, he is just so aloof and cold, or somewhat loving yet collected, but now that he is in you - he would completely switch into an animalistic, rough beast. Grabbing and bending you, completely getting lost in your moans, whimpers, and screams.

Would enjoy a lot of poses, his favorites are mating press, spreader, v, all variations of doggy, and basically everything where he is in full control over you.

But when he gets close, he would prefer to switch into missionary, leaving no space between your bodies, looking into your eyes as he reaches his high.

Depending on his mood, he would be either very affectionate with aftercare, or just completely ignorant of it, leaving you in the room alone as he goes to clean up himself and return to his day.

If there's no risk of knocking you up, he would usually release his seed into you, as a way of marking you as his, but would love to just cum anywhere on your body for the same reason.

That being said, he is not an abusing asshole all the time. From time to time, he would be more gentle, focusing more on holding your body like it was the most precious thing in the world, keeping it close to him, shower it with kisses, lovebites, and loving gropes.

He would sense your mood often, and if you feel down for some reason, he would cuddle you, placing you into his lap and wrapping his arm around you, and he would offer you some distraction from your problems. If you accept it, he would pay attention to your needs. Sure, if you just want his usual self, he will order you around and give you a rough treatment.

But if you need lovemaking, how would the Matador of Love turn you down? It's just something he won't really go for on a regular basis, so savor these moments every time, but don't be afraid to mention it when you need it, he's bossy and narcissistic but up for negotiations.

The latter is rather rare, he would usually just cuddle up with your messy, hot body for a few minutes before helping with the cleaning up.

Either way, sex is hardly ever predictable with him, he would be able to surprise you every time even after a long, long time of being together.

[twicecorner]

On Bubble, Jihyo said that she'd like to visit ONCE's homes over food and spend the night. Say it with me now: The Fic Writes Itself. -SenhorToque

YUP YOU ALREADY KNOW THE VIBES👀👀 THE FIC DOES IN FACT WRITE ITSELF

its almost like she knows😵‍💫maybe she be wanting it too👀

Incoming Call from Unknown Number

“Hi! This is Park Jihyo from Twice! Thank you for adding your application to my Jihyo x ONCE world tour! I looked over each application thoroughly and yours is perfect for my trip! You’ll be accompanying me on the last leg of my trip based on your current location. You will be my travel buddy, tour guide, and house mate for the last 2 weeks of my trip. I hope you’re ready! Transportation, housing, and meals will be fully paid in advance, so you don’t have to worry about any of that! I’m looking forward to meeting you and getting to know you^^ -Jihyo”

-Time Skip-

It’s been the best 2 weeks of your life. You and Jihyo clicked immediately. You were nearly shaking as you stood at the airport holding up a sign with her name on it. When she walked out of the gate you almost lost your breath. 

“Hi!” The two of you excitedly introduced yourselves to one another and got acquainted before heading back to your apartment. 

Jihyo was one of the best people in the world to travel with. She loved being outdoors and discovering new places and things to do in each respective place. She was hesitant at first but opened up to trying so many new foods. She loved a good night out, experiencing the local nightlife and contrasting it to the bustling daytime. She was also a great housemate. Even only after 2 weeks of living together, she got the hang of how you lived. She helped with laundry, occasional cooking, cleaning. Jihyo was just all-around great to be around. 

Somewhere during the weekend between the 2 weeks, something had changed. The two of you seemed very comfortable around each other, everything was so easy and simple. Everything moved smoothly and you got along really well. You didn’t know if she was like this with the rest of her travel buddies she’d found, but she also mentioned that you were the only male one she decided to take on. You wanted to ask why but decided best to just go with the flow and not make anything weird between you. You didn’t know what would happen after the two weeks if you’d stay in contact with her if she’d even remember you if you got free tickets to the next Twice concert, but for the time being, you couldn’t care less. You had Park Jihyo walking around your apartment in nothing but a blueish pullover and short shorts, her hair in a messy bun, just woken up, getting ready to start the day. 

Jihyo comes into the kitchen where you’re making a fresh pot of coffee and raises her arms above her head, yawning. “Ahhh I’m drained after yesterday’s hike, we were in the sun for so long! Let’s take it easy today.” She smiled and walked over to you, pulling a mug from the cupboard. At that moment, seeing her in the morning sunlight, the revenants of sleep slowly wearing off of her, you knew you wanted more than just 2 weeks with her. She looked at you with big eyes as you poured her cup of coffee. 

“I was thinking the same thing. Why don’t we have some coffee, go for a little walk then spend the rest of the day inside!” You suggest handing her the mug.

“That sounds perfect!” She flashed a gummy smile and went to sip her coffee by the window.

-Time Skip- 

You had gone out to the park for a walk in the morning then spent the day watching various YouTube videos, shows, and movies on the couch with Jihyo. At one point you decided to watch a scary movie and she instinctively got closer to you, practically jumping into your arms at each jump scare. You eased your arm around her shoulder to hold her close when you yourself felt tense at a heated part in the movie. You stayed in that position with her until the movie ended. The night ended with one of Jihyo’s favorite movies, Thor, where you busted out laughing at her impression of Thor throwing his hammer. She stood there with a wooden spoon in hand pretending to whip it around and throwing it on the couch, putting her hand out expecting it to return - of course, you picked up the spoon and brought it magically back to her hand. The two of you crashed onto the couch laughing. 

It was starting to get late so you asked Jihyo to order some food while you went to take a quick shower. “I’ll get cleaned up then we can eat and watch some more! Order whatever you want, surprise me!” 

“Okay!” Jihyo held up a thumbs up and made a determined-looking face. 

You showered and wrapped the towel around your lower half before walking back to your room to get dressed. Upon arriving at your room you realize you left your phone in the bathroom and head back to get it. You open the door surprised to see Jihyo fixing her hair in the mirror. 

“Oh fuck! You scared me…” You say, your towel almost dropping as you practically jumped. 

“Ah sorry, I thought you were done” Jihyo giggles

“It’s okay haha I just forgot my phone.” The two of you were now in the close space of the bathroom and the hallway. You notice Jihyo scan you up and down, the first time she’s seen you shirtless, basically naked in only a towel for that matter. You step closer to her as she’s in the doorway before reaching around her small body to grab your phone on the counter, she steps to the side to allow you easier access. Now the two of you are face to face in the doorway, your backs to each side of the door frames. No words are shared as you feel the tension rise between you. Instinctively, you move your hand up to her face to brush some of her stray hairs behind her ear. The close distance allows you to practically be at a face-to-face level. To your surprise when your hand brushes against her face, she seems to lean her head into it. You stare into her eyes before taking the leap of a lifetime. You move your hand back down across her cheek to caress her face before pulling her slowly in for a kiss. She reciprocates and your heart does a backflip. Her lips touch yours and they fit perfectly together, the kiss quickly turns passionate as you pull her closer to you with your other hand on her hip. She reaches up to wrap her arms around your neck pulling you into her. You back up against the door frame and her body presses against yours. Your hands take their own path and slip under her pullover to grip her small waist. You lick her bottom lip, begging for permission to taste more of her. She obliges and opens her mouth, now your tongues are dancing together. She bites your bottom lip and pulls it out, looking up into your eyes - hers are now filled with lust and passion. She pulls away for a moment, kissing your jaw up to your ear. 

“I need you.” She whispers into your ear before biting your lobe. You grip her hips harder and lift her up. Her legs wrap around you and you feel your shaft beginning to harden under your thin towel. Your left hand holds her ass while the right drags up under her sweater along her naked back and gripping at the back of her neck. You continue the heated makeout session and bring her to your bedroom. Tonight, Jihyo was not staying in the guest bedroom... and little did you know that after that night, she would never be sleeping in the guest bedroom again. Jihyo could have stayed with any other person in this world, but she decided to stay with you, in your apartment, and now in your arms. There has been an undeniable tension between the two of you and now was the time to let it out.

You toss her onto the bed and she scoots up to rest against the headboard. Surprisingly, your towel has held up this whole time. You crawl up in front of Jihyo and reach out to pull at the bottom of her sweater, she gets the hint and pulls it off then you move to help her out of her shorts. You’re suddenly caught in a daze, staring at Park Jihyo sitting on your bed naked. You take in all her beauty, hypnotized kneeling before her. She snaps a finger at you and raises an eyebrow while looking at your towel. 

“Oh right.” You nervously laugh and pull it off. Jihyo’s eyes widen as she takes your body in as well. 

“Looks like I made a good choice with you.” She smirks while tapping her chin. “Don’t just sit there, come here and kiss me”

You lunge forward, one hand on her jaw and the other holding you up on the headboard. You kiss her passionately and she snakes a hand down to lazily stroke your length. She takes her thumb and rubs your precum from your tip around it. 

“Fuck” you moan at her heavenly touch. “I wanna taste you.”

You switch positions so now you’re laying on your bed and you motion for Jihyo to take her place. You lick your lips as Jihyo kneels above you straddling your face. The sight of her moist folds entices you like a 4-course meal and your mouth waters. She lowers herself down and you stick your tongue flat out. Jihyo starts furiously riding your face with a fistful of your hair in one hand and the other digging into the headboard. She moves her hips back and forth and in a circle, your tongue slipping through her folds. Soon you find your tongue inside of her and she loses control, her clit brushing against your nose and her juices flowing down your chin and jaw. Her moans are like music to your ears, urging you to keep pleasuring her. Your hands grab at her ass aiding her maneuver over your face. Your forgotten cock strains against your stomach and Jihyo looks back to notice it. She hastily turns around and bends down over your body to take your length into her mouth. You moan into her folds at the new pleasure and angle. From here you can easily dip your tongue in and out of her hole while also teasing her back entrance with your finger. Your tongue switches between fucking her and circling her clit. Jihyo bobs her head up and down and moans around your cock sending jolts of pleasure up your spine. Soon, you’re bucking your hips and the tip of your length is hitting the back of her throat. You continue sucking and licking at her dripping pussy and slide a finger into her ass. At this, she pulls off your cock for a minute to sit up and moan loudly

“Oh fuck yes that feels so fucking gooood”

Before continuing her assault on your cock. She massages your balls with one hand while swirling her tongue around the tip and bobbing her head up and down. You piston your finger in and out of her ass at the same rate you tongue fuck her. The pleasure is too much for her and you start to feel her pussy walls pulsate on your tongue. 

“Fuck I’m gonna cum soon if you keep doing that”

“That’s the goal isn’t it baby?”

You piston your finger faster and suck on her clit. Jihyo counters by sucking harder on your cock before taking it to the final level. She slightly adjusts her body to slide your cock between her tits. 

“Holy shit Jihyo your tits feel so fucking good”

The newfound pleasure is too much for you and you can feel your stomach start to knot. You take your fingers out of her ass and switch it up too. Now your fingers plunge into her pussy and your tongue takers their place on her asshole. Jihyo fucks you with her tits while licking the tip every time they come above her mounds. She yells out in pleasure when you curl your fingers and find her spot while your tongue plunges into her asshole. 

“Shit I’m gonna cum soon!” 

“Me too Jihyo” 

“Mmm yeah cum all over my big tits, empty your balls all over me. Let me cum all over your pretty face”

You both increase the speed of your jobs and soon it’s too much to handle. The pleasure from the sex mixed with the fact that this wasn’t a dream is too much. You buck your hips into Jihyo’s tits and your cock pulsates while spurting ropes of thick cum onto them and into her mouth. The sight and taste of your cum sets Jihyo off and her pussy clenches around your fingers and her juices leak all over you while she quivers and moans on top of you, her hips bucking back into you. It takes a while for you both to come down from your intense orgasms. Jihyo slowly rocks back and forth as you lap up her sweet nectar and you slow your hips in and out of her tits. She finishes cleaning off your cum from her mounds and rolls off and laying next to you.

Both of your chests heaving up and down as you take in everything that just happened. You look at each other not knowing what to say. Finally, Jihyo pipes up.

“Well.. I definitely didn’t have that on my itinerary for this trip” She giggles and smiles up at you

“You’re beautiful when you smile” You reply, partially still in a post-orgasm haze. Jihyo snuggles into your chest and you wrap your arms around her small body before you both easily fall asleep.

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: August 8th

Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.

But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.

Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get  the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?

I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.

Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice? 

You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.

hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other. 

It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.

Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)

Both type of options will be available!

Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D 

It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.

Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC? 

If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.

Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round? 

She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.

Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment? 

Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.

Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?

It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.

Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+

ps i love your games so much <3

It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!

Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u 

You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and  buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him 

Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.

Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4? 

They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.

I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though- 

Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.

How does Cove feel about poly relationships? 

He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.

Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove? 

Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.

In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends? 

Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.

I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^  Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love. 

It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.

Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :] 

Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.

It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!

Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.

hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end... 

Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.

wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck 

You can check out the FAQ linked above!

does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him? 

Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.

Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?

No, they just don’t have enough time together.

We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.

Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?

No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.

I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀

Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.

So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name

It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.

will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!! 

Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.

I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game? 

I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.

I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance? 

Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.

Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games! 

The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.

Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3 

There is a set timeline!

Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021 

And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.

i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it! 

Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.

Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game? 

We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.

how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running? 

Hopefully for at least a few more years.

Are you considering ever making merch? 

Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.

hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS? 

I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!

Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower. 

That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.

Hi, how are you?!

Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??

Thanks!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!

perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥) 

He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.

i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1 

I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.

In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing) 

Yep, you will be able to talk about that!

Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!

If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.

Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.

That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.

[tuiccim]

Arrangements and Relationships

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader & Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 2.8K     Warnings: Major Angst, Fluff

A/N: This is for the HBC’s @the-ss-horniest-book-club​​ Drunk Drabbles / Divider by @whimsicalrogers​

You sat on your bed in tears. It was as you danced with Steve that night at Tony’s party that you had watched over his shoulder as Bucky had left with another woman. Technically, he had every right. The two of you weren't a couple. You had been sleeping together for seven months and you were desperately in love with him, but he had told you many times he didn’t want a relationship. He never told you why, but he insisted that what was going on between the two of you stay casual. You had agreed but, stupidly, you had fallen for him and watching him take another woman to his bed hurt. You knew he probably had before but he had never done it in front of you. 

So, here you sat, heartbroken and berating yourself. You made up your mind as the tears fell. Your relationship with Bucky is over. You can’t do it anymore. It was too painful to be in love with someone who didn’t love you back. You got in the shower to wash away the night and the evidence of your tears. Taking a long look at yourself in the mirror, you square your shoulders and remind yourself that you’re an Avenger, a strong woman, and better than how he’s treating you. With those things in your mind, you head towards your bed to find Bucky stretched out on it waiting for you. 

Bucky gives you a sexy grin, “Hi Doll.”

“What are you doing here?” You say, shocked. 

Bucky smirks and stands up, “I wanted to see you.”

“You wanted to fuck me.” You cross your arms. 

Bucky pauses for a second but then makes his way over to you, “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Bucky.”

“I didn’t sleep with her, Doll.” Bucky shrugs. 

“Because you backed out or she did?” You raise your eyebrow. 

“Doll…”

“Exactly. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Why not? Because I thought about sleeping with someone else?” Bucky mocks.

“Because I love you and…” you shake your head at the stupidity of admitting that, “And I’m nothing but a fuck to you.”

“That’s not true. You’re my friend and my teammate. But you knew, you knew when we started this I didn’t want a relationship.” Bucky says. 

“I did. I went into this eyes wide open but it hurts too much now. Like you said, this isn’t a relationship, it’s not like I’m breaking up with you. It's an arrangement, and I'm ending it.”

“Doll, come on, this is ridiculous. Nothing happened!” Bucky grouses. 

“Bucky,” you take a deep breath, “I’m not mad. I’m hurt but that’s not your fault. I’m not blaming you, but I can’t. I can’t do this to myself anymore. I deserve better. I want to be with someone who loves me and you have made it very clear that you don’t. And that you won’t. So, it’s time for this to end. Okay?” 

“I don’t want to end this.” Bucky says. 

Your heart leaps for a moment before you force yourself to pull it back, “Why?”

“I thought we were having a good time.” Bucky says. 

“We were but I’m not anymore.” The exasperation comes out in your tone. 

“Why not? It’s not like you don’t come multiple times when we fuck.” Bucky seethes. 

“Because I don’t want someone who just wants to fuck me and leave.” You shout. Bucky looks at you angrily and you force yourself to take a calming breath. “Look, I want a relationship and you don’t. I want to be with someone who wants to stay the whole night and talk about our day and… and… and love me. Really love me” You walk to your door and open it, “Goodbye, Bucky.”

Bucky walks to the door but, before going out, he looks at you, really looks at you, and he sees the hurt he’s caused. It hurts his heart a little knowing he caused it. He never wanted to hurt you and in a way he did love you. “Can… can I kiss you one last time?” He asks quietly. You lick your lips and nod. He brings his hands up to your neck and caresses your jaw before bringing his lips to yours. He kisses you deeply and you kiss him back putting all the emotion and love you felt for him into it. When he pulls back he looks at you tenderly and whispers, “Bye, Doll.”

You close the door behind him and slide to the floor, “Bye, Love.” You whisper before the sobs wrack your body. 

--

The first couple of months were rough. Especially when Bucky started dating or, more accurately, sleeping around. It wasn’t uncommon for him to have two or three different dates a week. Then he began dating one of the lab techs named Cara. At first, it ate at you. He hadn’t wanted a relationship but suddenly he was in one. It was after you got to know Cara a little bit that you realized how sweet she was. She was intelligent, kind, and gentle. It was impossible to dislike her and you found a small part of yourself hoping that Bucky had found what he needed. 

It was at that point you realized you had gotten over Bucky. It had taken months, but you understood, finally, that you couldn’t give each other what you needed. You had spent the time focused on work, missions and training. Steve had begun to look to you for tactical planning and mission reports. You were working more closely with him and training together daily. You became his second for missions more often than not and eventually that bled into your personal lives. The two of you began to lean on each other. You were there for him when Sharon broke their relationship off to take a job in Europe and he brought popcorn and old movies when your dates didn’t work out. He had become your best friend and confidante. You had even admitted to him what happened between you and Bucky. He had comforted you and never once judged you. You were happy and everything (except your love life) was going well. 

Well, everything was going well until your latest mission. It had just been you and Steve on this one. You were in the middle of nowhere Minnesota, in below freezing weather, chasing down a Hydra operative. Unfortunately, the idiot decided to off himself with cyanide once cornered. You had rolled your eyes as he had hissed his final words, “Hail Hydra.”

“Original,” you mock him. 

“Damnit.” Steve says from behind you. 

“Language, Cap.” You joked at him. He had a worse mouth than just about anyone, but you never liked to pass a chance to poke fun at him. 

“Stupid motherfucker!” Steve shouts.

“You better be talking about him.” You needle Steve, who rolls his eyes at your smirk. “Let’s head back to the truck.”

“Race you?” Steve grins. 

You playfully kick him in the butt while laughing. He can outrun you easily and knows it. 

“Hey!” Steve laughs and puts you in a loose headlock. You put your arms around his waist and hug him to you quickly. 

“Yeah, it’s a good thing you can outrun me cause I could totally kick your ass.” 

“Haha. Get in the truck, psycho.” Steve’s nickname for you makes you roll your eyes. 

“Sure thing, nutcake.” You throw back at him. 

It’s late in the afternoon and you head to one of the local motels as your exfil wasn’t scheduled until the next day. Surprisingly,  the parking lot is nearly full. Steve comes out from the office and drives the truck to one of the few remaining parking spots.

“Apparently, there’s an ice fishing tournament and everything is booked up. There, uh, was a cancellation, so we got the only room available.” Steve says. 

“Okay.” You shrug wondering why Steve is acting so squirrely. Grabbing your backpack, you jump out of the truck and follow Steve to the door. You notice a little plaque next to the door reading Honeymoon Suite in swirling letters. You let out a bark of a laugh. “So, the only room left was the honeymoon suite? Oh, man, I can’t wait to see this.”

Steve tries to hide his blush but you could see it a mile away, “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Hurry up. I’m freezing.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Steve says again and pushes the door open. He lets you enter first and you take in the room as you throw your bag on the beige loveseat near the entrance. The room is actually nicer than you expected. The king sized bed is covered in a dark green comforter and white sheets. The walls are painted a serene cream color. There’s a heart shaped jacuzzi tub in one corner of the room which makes you giggle. Thankfully, there is also a shower in the bathroom. A large television takes up most of the room on the dresser against one wall. 

“This isn’t too bad. Did they say what time the diner closes?” You ask. 

“Nine. Why don’t I go pick us up some food and you can get a shower?” Steve offers.

“That would be amazing.”

“Burger and fries?”

“Yes. And um…” you hedge.

“Pie?” Steve smirks. 

“You know my weakness for diner pie.” You say with your hand over your heart. 

Steve grins at you, “Go take a shower.”

“You’re the best, Rogers!” You shout as you grab your bag and shut the bathroom door. 

A few hours later you’re stretched out on the bed while Steve lounges on the loveseat. You had found the movie Ever After on the television and had forced him to watch the retelling of Cinderella with you while you both scarfed down burgers and pie. 

“Mmmm, happy endings. I love them!” You say as you stretch your muscles from sitting in one position too long. “Did it bore you to death?”

“No, it was cute. I liked it.” Steve yawns. 

“Ready to hit the hay?” You get up to brush your teeth. 

“Yeah. I’ll sleep on the couch.” Steve says.

“Steve. That couch is too small for me to even sleep on. You’ll sleep in the bed. It’ll be fine.” 

“You sure?” 

“It’s not like we haven’t laid in bed and watched movies together before. Not a big deal to sleep in the same one.” You roll your eyes. 

When you're done in the bathroom, you and Steve switch places and you curl up on one side of the bed. Steve glances at you nervously as he gets in the bed next to you and lays on his back stiffly. You stop yourself from giggling, but your smile can’t be contained. 

“What?” Steve breaks a small smile when he looks over at you. 

“You scared I’m gonna attack you are something? Steal your virtue?” You release the giggle you’ve been holding in. 

“No.” Steve rolls to face you. “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You don’t, Stevie. I think I’m more comfortable with you than I’ve ever been with anyone.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me, too,” you whisper as you lean over to kiss his cheek but Steve turns his head and your lips meet unexpectedly. You pull back quickly and stare at him in shock. You look into his big blue eyes and realize why none of your dates ever seem to work out. None of them are Steve. None of them can compare in the slightest to the man now staring at you with his feelings written all over his face. “Steve?”

“I love you.” He says firmly, leaving no room for doubt. You do the only thing you can, you kiss him. His mouth melds to your and he pulls you against him. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you open to him and he explores your mouth with his tongue. 

When Steve pulls back he sees the tears in your eyes but you smile at him, “I love you, too, Stevie.”

--

A few weeks had passed since that fateful night with Steve. While you hadn’t announced you were dating, you didn’t hide it either. Everyone knew and you were excited for Tony’s party tonight. Steve and you would be making your first official appearance as a couple. You had just put the finishing touches on your ensemble when Steve knocked. 

“Come on in, Love. I’m ready.” You turn towards the door excited to see Steve’s reaction to your dress only to find Bucky standing there. “Oh. Sorry, I was expecting Steve.”

“You look gorgeous, doll.” Bucky says quietly as he shuts the door. 

“Thanks. I’m sure Cara will look beautiful as always.” You smile nervously. 

“We broke up.” 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Yeah. Last week.” Bucky shrugs. 

“I’m sorry to hear that. Are you okay?” You ask.

“Yeah. She, uh, she said I wasn’t in love with her. She said I wasn’t over you.”

“Why would she say that? We were never a couple.” You stare at Bucky in confusion.

“I told her about us. About how we were before.”

“Oh, but-”

“And she was right, Doll. I’m not over you. I miss you so much. I’m so sorry about before. I was scared and I didn't know how to handle it. I love you. I love you so much. Please tell me it’s not too late.” Bucky looks at you desperately. 

“Bucky… I, I don’t. I’m sorry, I don’t feel that way about you. I love Steve. I’m happier than I’ve ever been because of him.”

“Doll, you could be happy with me. Please. I know I messed up. I know I hurt you, but I love you. Please-”

“Bucky! No. Stop this. I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t love you anymore. I’m so sorry to hurt you, but Steve is the love of my life. Nothing and no one could ever compel me to give him up.” You say firmly. 

Bucky’s face hardens suddenly, “Then I’m sorry, too, but I’m going to have to tell him about us. Doubt he’ll still want you when he finds out he’s getting sloppy seconds.”

You look at Bucky sadly, knowing he’s lashing out because he’s hurt. “That should tell you how little you really know me or ever knew me if you really think I went into this relationship without him knowing. He knows about our history, Bucky, and he loves me anyway.”

“My best friend? Of everyone, it had to be him?” Bucky’s voice cracks. 

“We didn’t plan it, Bucky. We were colleagues and then friends and then… we fell in love. And we’re happy. I want that for you too, Bucky, but it’s not with me. We weren’t meant to be.” You smile to yourself, “I never knew I could love someone as much as I love Steve. I hope you can find that.” You hug Bucky tightly. “You’re a good man, Bucky. You’ll find someone. Someone you’ll love more than you ever thought you could.”

Bucky hugs you tightly to him but lets go when you pull back. You smile at him sadly and he nods before walking towards the door. He turns back with his hand on the knob, “If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.” 

You smile and nod your head as Bucky opens the door. He stops short face to face with Steve, who is standing on your threshold. The two men stare at each other for a moment before Steve holds his hand out. Bucky shakes Steve’s hand and nods, “Be good to her.”

“I will be. Always.” Steve says. He closes the door after Bucky leaves. 

“Hey Love.” You smile at him and start to move towards him when he holds a hand up to stop you. Your stomach drops at the gesture. 

“Stop there. Now turn for me.” Steve’s mouth quirks as he says it. You do a slow turn to show off your dress. “Gorgeous. Come here, sweetheart.” He envelopes you in his arms and you breathe deeply of his scent. 

“How much did you hear?” 

“Pretty much all of it I think.” Steve pulls back to look at you, “You’re the love of my life, too.”

“I love you. More than I ever knew I could love someone.”

“Wanna skip the party and spend the night in bed?” Steve bobs his eyebrows at you making you giggle. 

“Yes, but Tony would probably bust up in here and drag us to the party half-dressed,” you laugh. “Let’s go make our appearance, dance a little, and then you can bring me back here and show me exactly how much you love me.”

“Mmm, I like your plan.” Steve grins as he kisses you. 

Masterlist

Permanent: @bubbabarnes​ @badassbaker​ @thefridgeismybestie​ @strangersstranger​ @cherthegoddess​ @buckyluvrs​ @sherlocksmanwatson​ @cap-n-stuff​ @finleyjayne​ @caplanreads​ @connie326​ @daydreamerinadazedworld​ @bugsbucky​ @chrisevanscardigan​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @palaiasaurus64​ @rebekahdawkins​ @maaaaarveeeeel​ @tllynn15​ @learisa​ @jelly-fishy-babie​ @fistmebuckyskywalker​ @nerdy-bookworm-1998​ @liebs82​ @honestly-dontknow​ @a-really-bi-girl​ @saiyanprincessswanie​ @baddie-barnes​ @aikeia​ @paleo-runaway​ @marvelgirl7​ @starlightcrystalline​ @xxloki81xx​ @kcd15​ @slytherinambitious​ @sallycanwait68​ @slytherdorxmd​ @fangirlforever2412​ @rainbowkisses31​ @whisperlullaby​ @thejemersoninferno​ @thehumanistsdiary​ @supraveng​ @dispatchvampire​ @juenenfeu​ @sxbby-barnes​ @allonszassbutt​ @y-napotat​ @reallymagnificentinfluencer​ @is-it-madness​ @harold231​ @buckysbaby32​ @purselover23​ @ene-rene​ @chrisevansbaby​ @rosesanchez12298806​ @xxpapasfritasxx​

[hannie-dul-set]

PAIRING. huang renjun x fem! reader. GENRE. high school! au, suggestive. WARNINGS. attempted murder, mentions of blood and self injury, veryy descriptive kissing, mc has a few screws lost, swearing, depictions of unstable behavior. WORD COUNT. 1.8k GENRAL TAGLIST. @danishmiilk @wownajaemin @leejunini @astroboy-lele @unknown5tar @yunoyeol @w0nni3wrld @charm-art @bat-shark-repellant @keemburley @deliciouslyyellow​ (pls dm me to be added/removed!)

NOTE. ah yes, the only two genres: murder and making out. inspired by the dream i mentioned earlier. different events, but same vibe HAHA. disclaimer that no matter how much you hate your academic rival, never ever turn to attempted murder! thank you and enjoy

huang renjun— with all his picture perfect smiles, prim and proper tucked in shirts, a pretty face enough to have you on your knees, and with a perfect gpa to top it all off— was someone you wanted.

wanted six feet under the ground.

“hey, congrats!”

speak of the fucking devil.

“you always do really well,” huang renjun towers over you in front of your desk as you sit down. you look up from the wrinkled certificate that have the abhorrent words second honorable mention printed on it's scented surface, only to face his fucking face instead. he beams at you with a smile. you feel convulsions wringing inside your throat. “congratulations again.”

you don't miss the first honor certificate tucked between his books in a measly attempt of concealment. it takes everything in your power to force out something of a smile.

“thanks. you too.”

with that, he quickly scurries away into his seat next to yours with red ears.

your first period teacher enters, beginning class with a greeting, but your mind is elsewhere.

it’s only midterms, you breathe out through your nose, hugging your arms above your desk while sketching out a study plan for the rest of the semester in your head. there’s enough time before graduation. the hold you had on yourself gradually becomes tighter.

still, you know that even if you worked yourself day and night until you bled cold and crimson, huang renjun would still be one step ahead. you bite down your lip, peeling off the dry skin with a sourness writhing in your gut, digging your fingers deeper into your arms. if only he were gone. you leer at the boy diligently taking his notes beside you. if only he were gone gone gone gone—

your eyes widen, ignoring the blood staining your nails.

if only he were gone.

after class, you walk up to his desk and asked if he wanted to work on the physics homework at his place tomorrow. he says yes with starry eyes in a heartbeat.

the next day, renjun couldn’t wait for the final bell to ring. you, too, couldn’t remain in your seat— albeit for a different reason. so when the ringing occurs, the both of you don’t waste a second in finally heading out of the campus.

it’s a silent walk to his place, a standard suburban neighborhood, the sky slowly turning orange in the background. every time you turn your head to look at him, he looks back with a small smile, and you can’t help your hands from twitching at your sides.

renjun unlocks the door and meekly welcomed you inside.

“you can leave your shoes here,” he says, digging his keys into the back pocket of his school slacks with dangling noises. you look at him, smiling, and with a soft hum you leave your school shoes next to his, trailing behind him into the living room.

looking around, you ask him. “are your parents home?” there was an opening that leads to the kitchen, glass doors showing the backyard. the stairs that lead to the second floor are made of sleek, dark oak. it’s a modern interior. they have a fireplace inside.

“no,” he breathes out, wetting his dry throat with a swallow before turning back to face you. “they’re out on business. i don’t think they’ll be home until the weekend.”

the both of you stop right in front of the staircase.

“i see.”

he quickly muffles a cough and leads you up to his room.

the inside of renjun’s room is neat— organized books on the shelf and sheets neatly pressed. There’s a set of candles beside his bed. you hold back a scoff. as expected from the top student.

your eyes flit over from the window above his bed to look at him, instead.

“you don’t have to be so nervous around me, you know,” you muse, dropping down your bag to join him on the floor. worksheets littered with numbers and constants, gravity and acceleration, all scatter on the floor. they blow with the wind knowing that they wouldn’t even be filled in, anyway.

“sorry,” renjun sputters out, loosening his striped necktie with two fingers. his vision is kept trained on the wall behind you. “i’m not— i’m not doing it on purpose.”

you adjust your legs on the floor, skirt riding. “is there a reason?”

“a reason?” he gulped.

“why you can’t look me in the eye.”

renjun thinks he sees the corners of your lips twitching upwards.

“i’ll— i’ll go open the window, it’s a little hot in here, isn’t it?” scrambling to his feet, his knees sink into the navy sheets of his bed, reaching for the window in a nervous flurry to let the air in. “the news said that the temperature’s slowly gonna start rising but i didn’t think it would be—”

he bumps into you when he turned back.

there’s a click from behind him.

the wind stopped coming in.

“it’s not really that hot.”

the way your breath fanned against his lips makes his head spin in circles.

you have an arm out against the glass, your sleeve’s fabric grazing his tempered cheek when you went to shut the window down. renjun feels a ghost in the air where there’s a space in between you. “i— i guess you’re right,” he says, clearing his throat. “i never expected that you’d ask to work together.”

there’s syrup at the end of your sentence. “you seemed pretty happy when i did, though.”

he isn’t sure if it’s just him or if you’re slowly getting closer. “well, that’s— that’s because i—”

“you don’t have to say it.”

your voice digs deep into his bones like chains of velvet. he can feel your chest pressing against him now, crushing the sense of rationality that he was bestowed with from birth and is replaced with a warm lush of rabid, violent waters gushing into bit of him stomach,

it comes off a whisper yet it sends him reeling.

“i know.”

renjun swallows. hard. but he’s afraid you’d hear the manifestations of a tempered restlessness that had managed to crawl its way up to the tips of his fingers— which found themselves resting onto the curve of your back. stray strands of his swair sweeps above his eyes, obscuring the closeness of your face, and he wants to ask how. how did you know that he likes you.

he never got to.

the question doesn’t even get to resurface after the first hit of your cherry flavored chapstick, his bottom lip caught in between yours, teeth grinding against the plush, pink skin. the second hit has his decorum slowly peeling away from his skin when his tongue traces over yours in a hot mess of delirium, when you settle between his legs, a coarse groan vibrating in his throat. the third has him forgetting his own name.

his eyes are hazy when you pull back with a rough smacking of the mouth. with a short-winded voice, you ask him.

“do you mind if i make a call?”

renjun looks at you in a fit of breathlessness.

an airy laugh leaves your lips that he can’t stop staring at. you press a kiss on his nose. “my parents need to know that i won’t be going home tonight.”

dazed, he answers. “y-yeah, sure.”

he blinks a few times before letting you go.

“take your time.”

you send him a smile before fishing your backpack from the floor and leaving the room.

just like that, a switch was flipped.

upon closing the door, you quickly twist the knob, locking it with the keys that you’d snatched from him earlier. it’s convenient that he has each one labelled— a belated thank you to your school’s ever organized golden boy who never fails to make you sick in the stomach.

at each wall you pass, you make sure to seal the windows shut and have all the doors closed. the contents of your bag make steady pangs against your back as you shuttled down the stairs. you lock the back door shut, close all the windows, turn on all the lights, and throw a match into their fireplace, waiting for the fire to come to full bloom. all that’s left is the kitchen.

there’s no time wasted in turning everything on— the microwave, oven, and the stove until you can't crank them any further. embers fly into the air. it’s getting hotter. you duck down to the compartment under the stove to reveal a white painted propane tank, taking out a cordless soldering iron to seal the safety relief valve close. you place a rag over the opening valve and twist it halfway through. a hissing sound whizzes through the air.

with that, you leave through the front door, locking it for good measure. his keys disappear into the bush nearest to their porch.

it’s only a matter of time until huang renjun ceases to be a pest anymore. if not for good, then at least lethally injured.

you head home to finish your physics worksheets that were due tomorrow.

for the first time in god knows how long, you wake up and head to school with a well rested air.

you take your things out of your backpack, humming a soft tune right before the bell rings for your first class. your other seatmate— donghyuck— notices your unusual cheery demeanor, and inquires about its oddities. you simply answer him with an allusion to finally being free. he laughs it off and turns his head to the chalkboard.

five minutes before eight. the doors creak open. you’re ready to stand and greet your teacher until you realize that it isn’t her.

it’s not.

it’s not.

it’s not.

something nauseating knocks into your lungs and stifles your throat, eyes wide and stinging. it squeezes your neck with poison prickling the surface.

huang renjun enters the classroom with his usual nods and smiles to everyone he passes.

“holy shit, dude. you look like hell.”

“i didn’t get any sleep last night,” he laughs, lightheartedly. “guess i’ll have to sleep through recess.”

your teeth grind against your lips, supple skin turning redder at each nip. your nails leave scratches on the desk as you rattle in your seat, thinking, thinking, panicking. each breath feels like choking on pulverized copper in sulfuric air. there’s a ringing in your ears and you hear nothing except your own voice screaming why is he here why is he here why is he here?

he doesn’t go to his desk. he’s standing right in front of you.

“you look well.”

it sears your fingerprints off your skin.

you don’t answer, don’t even look at him. he breaks into a small smile and leans forward, one hand pressed against your desk and the other reaching for a lock of your hair as he nears and nears and nears. “there’s something here,” he says.

there isn’t.

“you left my window unlocked, baby.”

his hot breath hits your cold cheek, tucking a strand behind with a smile. to everyone else, it would look sweet— heart fluttering. to you it was a death sentence. renjun breathes out a contained chuckle into your ear before letting his hand fall on your shoulder, a tight grip at the last second.

“better luck next time.”

© HANNIE-DUL-SET. 2021.

[fruitcoops]

Could we please have a prequel to the praise kink fic? Because i really want to know why were Sirius and Remus not together and what did Remus send him. I really need context

I was hoping somebody would ask for this!! The aforementioned fic is here for any curious souls (18+ please) and SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for spicy texts (not exactly nudes), and smutty feelings with nothing explicit

The bus went over a bump and Sirius winced as his shins knocked against the back of the seat in front of him, connecting with the metal brace inside. “Fuck.”

“You sure you don’t want to switch?” James asked next to him. Sirius glanced down at the veritable wall of gear and empty snack bags between them, then back to James in disbelief. He shrugged, then set his headphones back over his ears. “Worth a shot.”

“Merde,” Sirius hissed as a pothole nearly took off his kneecap. He gritted his teeth and readjusted, drawing his legs closer to his chest. I want to be home, he thought, allowing himself an internal moment to whine.

He checked his phone—not even ten in the morning. It was a Saturday, so Remus would probably just be rolling out of bed, still sleepy and soft with his hair sticking up like a disgruntled cat’s. Sirius sighed heavily and stared out the window at the small town rolling past in the distance; there was little he wouldn’t give to be back with him instead of on the way to a full week of conferences.

“Why did we have to win the Cup?” he grumbled.

James lifted one side of his headphones. “What?”

“Nothing.”

It wasn’t like they had had much time to themselves before that, either—Sirius’ schedule was packed with interviews that felt more like interrogations, and Remus had been running the PT department mostly by himself while Moody took a well-deserved vacation. They were dead on their feet every night, worked to the bone with little energy left to do more than cuddle and fall asleep. Still, Sirius was grateful for every second of it.

He waited ten more minutes before giving in.

New Message To: Re

Bonjour mon loup <3

There was no immediate response, which made sense, though he was a little bit disappointed. Sirius closed his eyes and tried to make himself relax; it would be at least another six hours before they arrived at their destination, and the bad weather gathering overhead didn’t bode well for quick travel.

His phone buzzed gently and he scrambled to answer. Don’t be Reg, don’t be Reg, don’t be Reg—

New Message From: Re

Morning love!

Thanks for the bagels <3

“Fuck yes,” Sirius said under his breath. The bagels had been a last-minute decision as he crept through the house in the early hours of the morning after carefully detaching himself from Remus with a final half-asleep farewell kiss. There was no guarantee he would remember breakfast with everything going on, so Sirius figured it was a safe bet to toast them and leave them on the countertop before heading out.

Message To: Re

Pas de problem

Sleep well?

Message From: Re

Decent

Missed you :(

Sirius rested his temple against the cold window with a soft sound. He hated leaving at different times, but that was just how their life worked at the moment.

Message To: Re

Missed you too <3

Three small dots appeared for a long moment before vanishing without a trace just as his heart rate began picking up. Where’d you go? he almost wondered aloud. Something bumped his arm and James raised a quizzical brow. “Loops,” Sirius said by way of explanation.

“I figured. He okay?”

“I think so? He just…disappeared on me.” Sirius was well-aware of how plaintive he sounded—James’ teasing smile was completely unnecessary.

“Aw, Cap,” he laughed, reaching over to mess with his beanie until Sirius slapped his hand away. “It’s alright, buddy, it’s just a couple days.”

Sirius jammed his hat back on his head and flicked James on the unprotected bit of his ear, making him yelp. “Fuck off, I know you’ll be a mess as soon as Lily FaceTimes with my godson.”

“He has a name, you know.”

“Sorry. You’ll be a mess as soon as she FaceTimes with Pocket Pots, who happens to be my godson.”

James rolled his eyes. “I regret giving you that title.”

“Nah, you don’t.”

As if on cue, his phone lit up again; Sirius ignored James’ snickering as he quickly unlocked it.

New Message From: Re

When will you be at the hotel?

“That’s it?” he muttered.

Message To: Re

That was a lot of typing for one sentence

6-7 hrs, if the weather holds

Why?

Message From: Re

Sorry lmao Reg came in for a bit

Just curious :) Keep me updated?

Message To: Re

Will do <3

Tell Reg he needs to wash his sheets. It’s been over a month.

A small thumbs-up emoji was his only answer, and he tried not to be too bummed. Remus liked having things to do; sitting there and texting Sirius while he slowly got further and further away was probably not his preferred way to spend a morning. With a sigh that was likely a bit too dramatic for the situation he was in, Sirius faced the window once more and buckled in for a long ride.

He chatted off and on with the others when they stopped for lunch, but everyone was exhausted from the combination of a packed week and an early morning. Even Talker stayed fairly quiet, and James kept his headphones on for most of the trip.

Sirius finally succumbed to his tiredness and put some music on, then dozed for an hour or three while they traveled through yet another field. A few halfhearted calls of “cows” made their way around the bus, though nobody seemed particularly enthused about being packed in with double the gear due to a broken storage compartment. Donuts and gas station coffee could only do so much.

“Just crossed the state border,” Arthur called from the front of the bus as Sirius tried to ignore the cramping in his thighs. Three hours. Just three more.

His music was interrupted by a soft jingle alert and he pulled his phone out, hoping against hope that Regulus hadn’t caused a fire anywhere. It was unlikely given the…well, everything about him, but with Sirius’ luck it could happen.

New Message From: Re

How far?

Message To: Re

About 3 hrs. Ran into some detours

Good day?

Remus remained silent on the other end and Sirius frowned. That was rather rude, and highly unusual. Between the two of them, Remus was the one who kept conversations going past the initial question to be answered.

Message From: Re

Attachment: 1 Image

Love you! Call me when you get there : )

Sirius opened the attachment and almost threw his phone in utter shock. Skin. Bare skin everywhere, its smooth edges broken up only by tight black fabric that may as well have been painted onto the curve of Remus’ ass. “Oh my god,” he whimpered, voice barely audible even to his own ears. It had been taken in their bedroom mirror; Remus looked over his shoulder, and Sirius caught the corner of a devious smirk on his lips. “Oh, you fucker.”

Message From: Re

Thoughts? They’re cozy

Message To: Re

Did you miss the part where I said three (3) hours

Message From: Re

Nope

Second one is a guessing game and u get a prize if u get it right : )

The second photograph was more zoomed-in than the first and Sirius wracked his brain, running through his mental catalogue of Remus’ body to figure out the answer. It did absolutely nothing to calm the situation in his pants.

He had no idea what the promised prize was, but anticipation made his hands shake slightly as he carefully scanned the picture. The shadows caught it at an odd angle—it wasn’t the steady slopes of his face or neck, nor was it the strong curve of a shoulder. Not enough freckles, either, he thought.

A lightbulb lit in the back of his mind.

Message To: Re

Right hip

Another thought connected half a second later.

Holy fuck you took them off

Is that my prize?

Re?

Remus Lupin I swear to god

TEXT ME BACK

Message From: Re

Bingo!

Christ you’re impatient, I was gone for like 2 mins

He chanced a look toward Pots, whose head lolled to the side as he snored.

Message To: Re

Hey quick question why are you like this

It’s a good thing Pots is out cold bc this bus is too small to hide anything

Message From: Re

Haha sux to be you

Sirius’ cheeks heated with a whole cocktail of different emotions as he furiously typed a response.

Message To: Re

‘Sux to be you’???

Are you 13 yrs old????

Message From: Re

Do you want your prize or not u horndog

Message To: Re

YOU MADE ME THIS WAY

He took a deep breath through his nose and flexed his fingers.

Yes please

A simple smiley face—Sirius would never see those things the same—popped up, followed by an audio file. He triple-checked that his headphones were plugged in before tapping ‘play’ with an unsteady thumb.

His face went very, very hot before all the blood went straight to his groin and he closed his eyes, covering his mouth with his hand. Breathy sounds came through the heavy earphones, a little more crackly than they would be in-person; he heard Remus’ gasp catch in his throat and crossed his legs as best he could in the too-small seat, torn between thanking and cursing any higher power. He could practically see Remus’ face in his mind’s eye as the noises continued, intermixed with fragments of desperate words.

The file came to an end after what felt like the blink of an eye and a hundred years, and Sirius did not look away from the violently red seat cushion in front of him for a long moment as his brain came back online. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so turned on.

He took a few deep breaths, though it did nothing to erase the poorly-muffled whines that still rang between his ears like church bells. Sirius huffed and turned to grab his waterbottle out of his duffel, only to make direct eye contact with Finn across the aisle.

Sirius froze.

Finn grinned.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he hissed, too low to wake James but just loud enough to carry over the four feet separating them. Finn’s smile widened. “Stop it. Stop it right now.”

“How’s Loops?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“That good, huh?”

“O’Hara, I swear to god—”

“Oh, is Cap spilling secrets?” Kasey asked, poking his head over the back of the seat.

Finn opened his mouth, but the force of Sirius’ glare must have been enough to at least intimidate him a little, because he shook his head. The smug Cheshire grin remained. “Nah, just having a chat about our plans when we get home.”

Kasey groaned. “You’re a lucky man, O’Hara. Both your people get to come with you. Nat sent me a promise, like, twenty minutes ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. I won’t be available tonight from six to eight if anyone was wondering.”

“Did she really?” Finn looked back to Sirius, who bit the inside of his cheek and tried to keep his cool. Two and a half hours, and then he would be safe. Just two and a half more hours.

[wagner-fell]

“Hey whore. Can I ask you a question?”

“Excuse me?”  the shocked voice of Tessa Gray asked. “That is no way to anyone, let alone your mother.”

Kit’s eyes widened in horror. “I, er, um. Haha, wrong number. Bye. Love you.”

“Christopher Jonathan Herondale, don’t you dare hang up on-” He hung up.

Kit placed his phone onto the cold, stone bench, case facing up. He took a quick look at the two photos wedged between the thick plastic of his Otterbox and the hard copper of his literal lifeline.

The first one was of himself, Jem, Tessa and Mina in front of a Christmas tree. It had been taken last year by a begrudging Mari. She grumbled away the entire time about ‘why in the world was she willingly being the angel bitches servant’ but in the end she was the one who had printed it for him in the first place.

Mina was clutching Church for dear life, a euphoric smile spread across her tiny face. It never ceased to amaze Kit how quickly she was growing up.

The second photo was of all the Merry Hoes in Blessica’s basement just a few weeks ago. They all sported their matching jackets. It was slightly off center as Blessica’s brother was blind and therefore had no way of seeing what he shot on the old Polaroid. But it was perfect.

Blessica’s brother is the only person in her family who knows she is a werewolf. Her parents and two sisters just think she sleeps over at Maria’s a lot.

Kit drug his hands down his face and sighed deeply . He was definitely going to pay for that later. He would have been surprised Tessa was still awake at three am if he weren’t too mortified to feel any other emotion.

With another sigh, he picked up the phone and scrolled through his contacts once more. He took extra care to click on the right name.

“Hey whore. Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, daddy,” answered his intended target immediately. Astrid Yang may have been a lesbian, but she was also a kinky bitch.

“What would you do if your ex-crush who you're still sorta kinda not over liked a post with you and your girlfriend.”

The line went dead for several minutes before she responded. “In this hypothetical scenario, who has the bigger mommy milkers?”

Kit scratched his head and held the photo closer to his ear. “Well the first one doesn’t even have tits so..”

“So what was I doing simping over her? I obviously stay with my current girlfriend. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.”

He could have told Astrid about a million things, ranging from asking her if she was really that shallow to reminding her that she has literally almost passed out because a hot girl winked at her (she’s not as picky with her crushes as she thinks she is) but instead he sputtered out, “this isn’t about leaving Mari or not.”

Several things crashed on the other side of the phone. “You're leaving Mari?!”

“No! I just said-“ Kit took a long breath and sighed for the third time. “You know how when I’m bored I keep updating Insta?”

“Yeah, we all know that you’re a massive narcissist, go on.”

“Well I was doing that because I couldn’t sleep and Ty liked one of my posts with Mari. You know, the one where we’re doing that Tik Tok dance.”

“No I don’t know. You guys do like a million Tik Tok dances.” There was a rustling noise on Astrid’s end. It sounded like she was picking up the stuff that clattered to the floor.

“The one where she calls me an ‘uncultured slut’. Which I blame you for.”

“Oh, yeah. I did say that. Haha.” A small grin made its way into Kit’s face, despite the dire situation.

“But when I refreshed it again, it was gone. So now I’m wondering if he deleted it or I imagined it.”

“Hmmm. If Mitski’s ex-girlfriend, with equally big boobies, liked her post with the girl she was seeing now, what would she do?”

“Ast, what does Mitski have anything to do with my struggles?” Kit could practically hear his friend rolling her eyes.

“My parents always used to say,” she cleared her throat and imitated her dad’s gruff voice. “’If in trouble, ask yourself, what would our lord and savior Jesus Christ do?’ But Mitski is my lord and saviour. Besides, Mitski is always relevant in some way.”

“First of all, agreed. Second of all, I told you, Ty isn’t my ex-boyfriend. He’s my ex-crush.”

Astrid was the only one out of the Merry Hoes who knew about Ty. It wasn’t that he was purposely trying to exclude everyone else. Astrid had just happened to be the one who was nearest the day of the anniversary he left Los Angeles.

“Wait, for real? Why not? You’re a total babe!”

“Thanks. But we didn’t really get the chance to go on a date as I may have confused my love for him than ran away to a different country. Lol!”

“Kit, my dude. This is way too juicy, I mean serious, a topic to discuss over the phone. Wanna come over? I have crisps and a Stranger Things binge calling your name.”

Kit was fully aware that he went to her house, they weren’t going to talk more about the insistent. They were going to laugh so hard water would come out of their noses. And see how many candies could fit on their tongues. And Kit appreciated that.

“That would be great. I- hold on. My dad’s calling me. See ya soon.” Kit switched lines. “Hey, I’m really sorry for-”

“Greeting whore,” Jem said in the most monotone voice possible. There was silence for moments before Kit’s parents started laughing.

Kit has never been more confused in his life. Okay, that is a total lie. But this is definitely up there.

“We looked it up on this website called Urban Dictionary,” Tessa reported gleefully. “It’s a compliment now!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@the-wckd-powers This fic is like an aftermath to your fic ‘Your Doing Great Out There Without Me, Baby’. I love your writing and it made my cry :) (I know there is a eight hour time difference from LA to England but shhhhh)

@adoravel-fenomeno @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @thechangeling @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @sofiatheskeleton @cncnbr @its-taff @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @noah-herondale-lightwood @maxboythedog @arangiajoan @shelvesofgold @jo-herondale

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