#that icon is just me rn bc i should be in bed but brain just scream

[compatiissante]

name : Aspen or Salem pronouns : they / them preference of communication : Discord is usually the go-to. like-- i don't hATE the tungle IMs, but also, i have the attention span of a peanut either way, no matter what i use <3 most active muse :  This dumb bitch </3 experience / how many years :  lmao uhhhh-- it'll be probably 11 years this year, actually. best experience : as much as i may call this a hellsite due to so much bullshit, this is the place i've made and kept a good chunk of my current friendships. i struggle with keeping friends for many reasons, but the ones i've kept, i keep very near and dear to my heart. sometimes it even leads to moving in with one for all of this website's flaws, i can still honestly say that giving me the option to have more friends online than i ever had growing up IRL. rp pet peeves: uhhh-- i had a couple thoughts about this one for a second, but they immediately left my brain moments later. idk man, not following people's rules??? fluff, angst, or smut :ㅤi physically cannot do angst for very long due to feeling it hit my emotions really really hard ( something i've been trying to work on for myself ). smut is kinda ehhhh just because i can feel myself get awkward about trying to write it out?? i'll think or talk about it with people in disco, but actually writing the deed is another story entirely. fluff is normally my #1 go-to. plots or memes :  plotting is really hard for me unless an idea comes to me out of the blue, punches me in the face and runs off ;w; memes are great tho bc i can easily bounce things off of those!!  long or short replies : short ones are cool for a while, and long ones i can kind of push myself to do if i'm really feeling the inspiration and motivation for a particular thread/draft?? but it's pretty hit or miss either way. there's a very particular sweet spot somewhere between those that's always what i try to shoot for when i can actually write. time to write : lmao good question, bc my motivation for writing is genuinely either all here and making me vibrate in my seat while i have nothing to write, or i have a million things in drafts and zERO muse or motivation for any of it. there's literally no telling what time it'll hit me.  are you like your muses : ㅤunfortunately, there's a lot of myself in maya, but it's something that i've been trying to work on ( for the both of our sakes ).

[selfcarecap]

73 Questions

Thanks for the tag @kenniteaa and @silkholland 🫶💖

Hello Vogue !

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 6-7 I feel like stuff is actually going well for me for once and like I’m actively trying to make my life better

describe yourself in a hashtag? #crybaby

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? Andrew Garfield maybe

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? Idk what a marquee is the only musical I know is hsm

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? that i write fanfic

what’s your wake up ritual? Sleep as long as possible, go take my morning **** (no one’s reading this anyway), brush my teeth, put on clothes and go to uni

what’s your go to bed ritual? Take a melatonin gummybear, brush my teeth (actually usually i brush my teeth and then remember the melatonin), complete any fanfic ideas that i put into my notes app and couldn’t completely write down when i got the idea, then i 👀, and sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? Depends on what I’m doing the next day but I’d say evening/night

your go to for having a good laugh? TikTok

dream country to visit? Japan would be cool but also maybe some Scandinavian country or Iceland or something warm with a beach <3

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? I can’t think of anything rn lmao

heels or flats/sneakers? Sneakers but platform ones/platform boots

vintage or new? New

who do you want to write your obituary? Idc lmao but ig just not someone who hates me

style icon? Some girls off tiktok tbh

what are three things you cannot live without? Music, writing, my friends/family (I consider true friends family so that counts as one)

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? Ig salt or onion

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? First of all I don’t. But Chris Evans, Jon Bernthal and Andrew Garfield cause I think a night with them would be fun👀

what’s your biggest fear in life? Never getting over/learning how to deal w my anxiety

window or aisle seat? Window for short flight, aisle for a long one

what’s your current tv obsession? Love death and robots and himym

favorite app? Tumblr or my notes app

secret talent? I’ve never had an answer to this idk. I guess most people in my life don’t know that I write so maybe that? Idk if I’d say I’m super talented at it tho, oh or maybe a german accent (when speaking english) but it would be weird if i couldn’t do one bc it’s my first language lol but i don’t naturally have a german accent but i can intentionally do one very very well

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? I’m sure I’ve done some adventurous things but I can’t think of anything rn shsjk actually maybe having an org*sm in semi(okay, quarter lol)-public situations (okay not really public but like outside)

how would you define yourself in three words? Kind, sensitive, cute

favorite piece of clothing you own? Black buffalo platform boots but they broke after three years 🥲

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? Good quality black oversized hoodie

a superpower you would want? Flying

what’s inspiring you in life right now? The fact that it kind of feels like I’m on my way to actually being happy possibly for a bit

best piece of advice you’ve received? It’s nothing specific but like.. nothing matters? But not in a nihilistic way (i wouldn’t mind that tho) more in a don’t overthink life way idk i kind of forced this answer out of me dhsjsj

best advice you’d give your teenage self? It’ll be okay & enjoy the journey

a book everyone should read? Women don’t owe you pretty by Florence Given

what would you like to be remembered for? My kindness

how do you define beauty? I don’t think I have a definition, it’s just a feeling. and if we’re talking about beauty in people then it’s also all just dependent on how they make you feel

what do you love most about your body? My brain and my heart lool but also my eyes, my legs, my boobs, my 🐱 dhsjjs

best way to take a rest/decompress? Go out into nature and breathe some fresh air (unless it’s hot cause then I’ll want to die)

favorite place to view art? A museum probably..

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Whatever the song is where Beyonce says my aspiration in life would be to be happy (ik they want me to make a title up myself but idk)

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? Piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? All over my arms and maybe a big back piece

dolphins or koalas? Umm dolphins ig?

what’s your spirit animal? I really don’t know

best gift you’ve ever received? A photo album my cousin made for me

best gift you’ve given? A picture I painted of me and my cousin but i actually think i’m a good gift giver like there are loads of things

what’s your favorite board game? I don’t think I can play it anymore but when I was like 10 I really got into chess?

what’s your favorite color? Pink

least favorite color? Somehow I don’t really like red (but it’s def not my least fav colour but that’s the only thing i can think about.. actually noo red is pretty but idk)

diamond or pearls? Diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? Fenty for lipgloss but other than that mainly drugstore

blow-dry or air-dry? Air-dry

pilates or yoga? Yoga but I was never quite sure what pilates is

coffee or tea? Tea

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? Betrothed

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? Milk

stairs or elevators? Stairs even though they kill me every time 😭 (but that’s exactly why i choose them)

summer or winter? Winter forever ❄️

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? Pasta orrr Schnitzel (I don’t think there is any food that I would want on its own tho)

a dessert you don’t like? I don’t like fruit cake

a skill you’re working on mastering? (Fiction) Writing and like literary analysis lmaoo

best thing to happen to you today? I feel asleep quickly (that was after midnight so I’m counting it as today)

worst thing to happen to you today? I accidentally slept til 1 pm :/

best compliment you’ve ever received? ‘I love your weirdness. It’s so extraordinary and that’s what I love about it.’ and also loads of stuff about my writing, mainly when people have said i’m their fav writer or my fic is their fav fic

favorite smell? Chlorine and also my skin? Sgsjaka

hugs or kisses? Hugssss

if you made a documentary, would it be about? Feminism and the effect of gender in german language (i think i’m thinking more of a bachelor thesis than a documentary but anyway)

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? I mean probably just random sad/super happy and kind stuff on Instagram or something but either an episode of love death and robots or himym

lipstick or lipgloss? Glosss

sweet or savory? Sweet

girl crush?  Like.. all women ever?

how do you know you’re in love? You just do ykwim likee if you have to ask yourself if you are then you’re not and if you are in love you just know

a song you can listen to on repeat? Ladbroke Grove lol or Stay (Michael Schulte— or Mac Miller lol), most (not too recent) Nicki songs

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? Future me (unless that ends up affecting the timeline lol but yeah future me at a time where everything is okay <3)

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? Looking forward to going to the beach sometime in August hopefully

No pressure tags: @t-lostinworlds @aniqua @asonofpeter why is my brain absolutely empty lmaooo anyone who wants to do this just say i tagged you and i will tag you (and pls make your own post thank you mwah)

[calpalsworld]

Not "autistic anon," but also autistic, (being called maybe ableist made me want to put this out there before go to bed) i thought Zane was depicted that way purposefully by the writers. He has stereotypical traits like taking things literally, and has an actual humor switch. The writers have done things with Zane before like have him lose bodily autonomy (during that one Wu's teas short) and did something with his voice be it making him unable to be understood or talking too loud and the forced pirate voice by Jay. (what you're doing isn't too different from that, right?) I thought it was just a little iffy to distort his body and memory bc that could be interpreted as something not that I'm sure what exactly, it's some kind of disability. I dunno. I'm not good with putting this to words. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry I went to bed but now I’m awake 😭

Also I ended up totally spilling all my thoughts here rather than only specifically replying to you please forgive me context: my scary zane concept design, & my ninjago rewrite i refer to a lot 

Im a little confused but I think I get what you're saying? You're saying the Ninjago writers absolutely DON'T write Zane well (you listed examples of this) and you don't want me to fall into the same trap?

I had the opposite logic earlier. I thought: If Ninjago writers made Zane have stereotypical autisitic traits while also being a dehumanized robot, I may as well embrace it, say he is autistic blatantly, while also making him do funny/cool non-human robot things, so its clear as possible the two aspects of his character are literal and separate and not a metaphor for each other. But you're right! I do have a choice and I dont have to embrace things! :)

Like there were a couple ways I was gonna reject the original, for example, I never wanted Zane to have a funny switch, and I hated how other characters could fuck with Zane and he didn't even care 😬. I want to change that stuff. So youre right, if I am changing shit like that, it would be counterproductive for ME to GIVE him MORE traits along that theme. 😬😬😬 I should try to feel less obligated to portray Zane like he originally is. I still like the concept of "scary zane" (for reasons i explain below the cut) but I might tone it down a bit like with the claws and weird proportions and shit. I’d def make him look more skeletal and undead. That was my original intention, but i didnt execute it as good as I could have.... idk if anyone could tell thats what he was supposed to be like...my bad! But rn I dont wanna redesign him I wanna draw other stuff like normal alive Zane. Sorry LMAO 😳. Like I said in some earlier asks I think, I think Im gonna focus rn on how I should portray season 1 normal not dead Zane so thank you and feel free to share any other Zane thoughts ^_^ SOME OTHER THOUGHTS:

Also I Wanna Argue Some Stuff But I Understand its a Weak Argument Since All of This Context was Just In My Brain (so don't take this as an argument, just as me rambling): I don't want messed up things to happen to Zane and for it to just be ignored. I think if Zane is going to have fucked up things happen to him, as all characters must, its best for it to happen during a season where he actually addresses his feelings about being a robot (learning to accept that he will always be himself, regardless if hes "human" or the "original" or whatever. (thats how I always interpreted his emotions)). But I wouldn't have the other Ninja be very phased by Zane's looks because the whole point is they already love who he is (seasons 1-3 were about getting to know Zane) and now Zane himself just has to learn the physical, robot part of him is okay. Its about person-hood rather than humanity. Because the season focuses around Zane's soul, and because he lost his original body, I feel like I could mess around with his current, temporary body and have fun and make it scary. Because that body should be irrelevant. I understand it possibly being upsetting for an autistic character to be designed like this, but other people I talked to see it the opposite way. They find it comforting for him to look so different but still be himself and be so loved. SO IM ABSOLUTELY NOT saying its wrong to be bothered or to hate it or to feel any way. Just that I personally think it would be cool for Zane to be portrayed with a little spice lol, so thats why I like scary Zane for season 4.

Another Thing I Wannna Say But Is REALLY Hypocritical: (this isnt directed at anyone I just REALLY want to say this) I know I say "this is Zane but scary, he looks like fnaf" so he's obviously dehumanized, but I always felt like "scary" is more of an objective fact. Its an instinct. But what's "not human" is subjective. I think there is a problem with saying anything different from "average" human is dehumanized because that could extend to real people. Lol I know its bad for me to compare FNAF-ass Zane to real people, but I mean he could be real. People can have exposed teeth, and people can be shaped weird. And when someone first sees a person who looks like that they'll probably think "woah those features are scary" by instinct. And that surprise doesn't make someone ableist obviously. But bring that person’s humanity into question is NOT an instinct, and is fucked to shit. This is kinda a bad point for me to make since its about the fictional FNAF Zane I drew, and I am NOT implying ANYONE was thinking like this. [especially not the original asker anon who I am totally forgetting about at this point OOPS]. But I just thought it was an opinion of mine I couldn't go without mentioning when talking about dehumanization and disabilities.

^^^ I think you (anon) understand what I mean and might’ve said the exact same thing as me if you were writing a long ass response? I think this because you started to bring physical disabilities up and you said it was "a little iffy." ^_^ So we agree, but I don't see Zane's relation to real life disabilities as "a little iffy" I see it more like "complicated"? IF THAT DIFFERENCE EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE?????? I feel like a lot of things about Zane are really just complicated and need the right context, rather than the concepts necessarily being wrong -- NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! THATS THE WHOLE REASON I DO THIS STUPID REWRITE! XD thats why a lot of my rewrite SO FAR has been the same concepts and plot beats, but different dialogue n specifics and such. I like a lot of concepts in Ninjago but I dont think they were presented correctly.....! :( So I guess all we can do is wait and see if I make Zane offensive or not....???

Also something about the memory part - yeah i agree i was surprised no one thought that was weird to make jokes out of his memory issues..... BUT I am like 100% firm on making his memory take longer to come back because I think its stupid how quick Zane was able to recover from literally dying. Like its just dumb to me. Hate it. (also bc memory & soul mechanics is ummm kinda important in my rewrite.... for reasons). Another memory thing btw, I was going to make his original amnesia come from hitting his head in an attack against the Skulkin when they stole his dads corpse, rather than his dad fucking choosing to make him forget. (its a sweet & iconic scene, but Um, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?) He has to follow data recovery instructions he finds in his dads diary. I think in that context it makes moments of memory loss somewhat different for Zane's character? Instead of loss of autonomy associated with disability, its a literal violent loss of autonomy associated with being traumatized by physical force. Idk how to phrase it exactly but I think that makes some vibes different?

Sorry, I think I got really distracted, and I don't know if I responded well to your points. Because uhhhh I think I agree with your stance actually? If I understand correctly? Fuck Ninjago writers for making the robot lose autonomy (a stereotypical robot theme) while also making him seem clearly autistic (NOT A HAPPY THEME FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE) and not addressing it. And also auuugh Zane with a weird body is a difficult topic - kinda sussy pretty iffy.

Lol anyway idk if this made any sense and I REALLY rambled on you. but this was nice 👉👈 more Zane criticism pls love you and i love zane. i hope u dont feel mad at me because then it would be weird that im saying that lol. if you do feel mad at me tho you can send another ask (ILL TRY TO JUST LISTEN NOT RAMBLE NEXT TIME) but assuming ur chill rn, love you thnx

Take this page, don’t mind cole’s ass.

[cheolbooluvr]

*knocks on door* helloo, it's me again 👀 let me start with the most important thing: you're writing is definitely NOT "meh" T_T I love you're writing style, the way you describe thoughts and feelings and the setting, like dude, have you actually read what you write? while we're already at it, I am in absolute love with Woozi's confession part? It perfectly fits his personality, I could imagine that happening exactly this way 🥺 about your milestone prompt game, I was eating breakfast (why do you live on the other side of the world D;) while reading the part with Jeonghan and I almost choked on my cereal because I had to laugh sm when he revealed they had to kiss lmao 😂

and I really loved the other parts, too, especially the one with Wonwoo, it's just...perfect :D

I was just a bit confused because you said it's an established relationship and I thought they already were a couple but I probably just got the wrong idea of what "established relationship" actually means, tbh I have no clue about terms for fanfics now about Leica 🥺 IT'S SO GOOD??? asjkdlaksusakjl the way the reader could tell it's Cheol, or maybe it was just me but I was literally sitting here thinking "I can imagine Cheol doing that...which other member could also fit tho? But Cheol.." ajkhdkjlWJD It's just reeeeeeaally good okay? okay. quick question, are you doing photography, too? 👀 and wait, I'm also on my laptop on tumblr recently since my phone is broken rn oops and I just found out that I can press the windows key and the . (point) key to use emojis? though, idk if that works for you, too I've actually reread both stories, "When we meet again" and "My dream is you", but I was talking about the one with Mingyu <3 and it's so cool that you want to write your own novels! Omg go for it! The talent is definitely there 😌 looking forward to your collabs and what else you planned or already have on hand :D now, last but not least, Vincenzo *clears throat* it's an emotional roller coaster and I don't know what to feel about that T_T I love the show, no doubts, but my heart was broken several times by now and I haven't even reached half time yet :( BUT they are iconic, he is iconic and I'm living for everything they do may I ask who your favourite characters would be? this has nothing to do with you writing, I am so sorry anyway, I should probably go to bed *coughs*, but who needs sleep am I right? well, enjoy your day/evening, stay healthy and safe and take care <3 ~🌙

well well well if it isn't the LOVE OF MY LIFE HI🌙 ANON 💕

okay before we dive in, re: wonwoo's drabble, that was a mistake hahahahaha they are most definitely NOT in an established relationship 😂 i copy and paste the formatting for previous fics and sometimes i forget to change the details (wc, genre, warnings, etc). it's happened a lot so not surprised i forgot to change it again lol

next, WOW THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS 🥺 i hit a wall of self-doubt while i was writing recently and i felt my writing style wasn't good enough :(( but now i'm just using that to push myself and vary my sentence structure and be descriptive but not too descriptive, etc etc. to answer your question if i actually read what i write: no hahaha my brain is dead after i write and then i get fed up w it and then post it and never look back (jk i do reread them sometimes)

the jeonghan one i am rly happy w and i'm glad you enjoyed it 🤗 i was literally abt to go to bed and my brain went: OMG WHAT IF JEONGHAN ENEMIES TO LOVERS and the rest is history.

also i am so glad you like woozi's confession, i struggled a lot w that one 😭 and leica too omg!! i am so so so glad you thought of cheol uwu i'm soft for him and then he posted those photos from his leica lol and i was like YES ANGSTY TIME anyways-- to answer your other question, yes i do do photography!! only digital tho, so any film buffs who read leica will probably eat me alive bc idk how to actually develop film 😭

agshdkfldl thank you for supporting me and my novelist dreams 🥺 super reassuring knowing at least ONE person will read my stories 💕 (also i will try the emoji thing on my computer)

now speaking of collabs, i've already finished one and i MIGHT post a sneak peek bc i'm very excited abt it hehe so keep an eye out ;)

okay and finally: VINCENZO. it's quite the whirlwind, keeps you on your toes 24/7, funny, sad, lovely, hilarious, it rly ticks a lot of boxes that most kdramas don't usually do. the heartbreak tho, OOF, lemme just say you need to prepare yourself. fav characters? hong cha young: absolute QUEEN, she is so incredible and honestly everything i ever aspire to be. i also just love all of the tenants of geumga like they add so much color to the show. i think vincenzo would be a lot darker without them which would be FINE but i'm glad they're there ☺ also plz we don't have to talk abt my writing all the time lol

also plz get some sleep!! rest up, drink water, and always stay safe and healthy <333

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#1)

Right, monkey brain said no sleep no rest, only suffering at the hands of med.

I am going to start with the first episode of S2: Soul Care. Reasoning? I need to check if Latham references Ava in his first interaction with Connor.

If my memory serves me right, when Connor is passed over to Latham for his fellowship, Latham says that he was not his first choice. In fact, his first choice was a brilliant surgeon from South Africa. In the first episode of S2, a season where Ava Bekker is only introduced with one line at the end of the last episode.

If I remember correctly and Latham does actually say that in the first ep of s2, it will be huge for the continuity (and my theory that I came up with today, if you’re interested in following this you should really read that really long post that came a little before this where the basis of the theory is laid out). 

Also in rewatching this I see more of Sarah which, again, I have not seen in two years, and she was the reason I became invested in the show, and the reason I stopped watching after she left.

And all of this even before I start the episode.

There are so many emotions and thoughts running through my brain it literally hurts. I think i’m getting a headache. I’m already really regretting this, this cannot be healthy for me.

(btw, this will basically be a train of thought type thing, I’ll do my best to keep it coherent)

- omg its starting

- i completely forgot how s1 ended but its not importnat in anyway

- just, why are they in a helicopter

- how fast does the episode move ive forgotten and i need to know

-JESUS CHRIST SO DRAMATIC

- THE BEGINNING WITH WILL WHY

- it is at this point where I apologize to all those who made it this far bc we’re literally not even 30 seconds in yet

- i just have a lot of med thoughts

- oh god save me

- i am laughing hysterically

- JESUS CHRIST THE APRIL TB STORYLINE AND TATE WTF

- god that feels like a lifetime ago it was relevant holyshit

-remember when she was pregnant?

- literally what have I missed

- side note, i really like the cup april drinks out of.

-THERE SHE IS

-SARAH

-SHE’S HERE

-and she’s a barista

-literally wtf is this show

-and the dramatic music is still going literally chill man god

-THE WAY SARAH SMILES HOLY SHITTTT come on man there was literally no way i’d survive this but fuck not even a minute in...

- okay but i never understood charles’ family scenario but this is already too fucking long for a minute in so i hope we can just skip past that

-hahahah sharon’s fucking divorce? holy shit, this is too dramatic for the first ep literally save me (at least she acts well)

-yeah the one thing I will say about med (thats a lie ive already said a hundred but yk) is that for the crap storylines and all, the actors take what they’re given and give it their all and i appreciate it so much

-the helicopter’s number is N365UCC and just... succ

-ethans bird (!)

-also the fact that’s so big for ethan to be chief resident is so weird to me. like the last medical drama I watched was greys and they are all like grizzled veterans and have been doing that stuff for actual decades and i tend to put med and greys on like the same level bc they are the only medical dramas ive watched but.. holy crap the people on med are so young?? half their main cast is med students and residents. when nearly every main character on greys is a department head. its wild.

-proud of ethan. proud of my boy (did you know that adam jacobs who played aladdin on broadway was in a s3 episode? fun facts) (fun fact: did you know that ava is the only main character on the show who’s status is now deceased? I’ll shut up now.)

-oh my god i say roland buck III’s name and GOD noah jesus

- i find noah incredibly annoying, especially bc he tries to overshadow reese (my fav) but also just bc hes spoiled [that thing that said that one of the biggest mistakes med made was not having sarah get the emergency med residency at the end of s1 comes to mine, and the fact that noah got his residency easy peasy] - but, i will say that the moment at the end of this season where noah and reese dance together at the party is very adorable. (pre reesker brain showing lmao I really did love sarah with my whole heart) (moreover my snapchat memories were filled with just recordings of reese scenes lmaooooo)

-okay at this point I need to stop once i get to the potential ava thing bc what is happening we’re not even two minutes in why is this so long. (so many thoughts)

- i find will annoying but,,, he is kind of nice to look at. and what i mean is like facial acting (i am a lesbian). like. just. don’t speak. and when he’s being a good character he’s fine. it’s very few and very far between ig

-natalie annoys me so much and shes only had one line, and it wasn’t even a character line, it was mainly exposition.

-EW

-FUCKING EW

-ITS CONNOR HE’S HERE. god i forgot what he looked like in red scrubs and his poofy hair. child compared to s3 and s4. hopefully we see latham soon so we all don’t have to suffer through this. and he looks so angsty. he definetly glowed up in the later seasons.

- i have no clue how to spell definetly. I am guessing literally everytime.

-latham please come and end this all.

-oh haha there’s downey hes dead.

-okay so i actually watched s1 after i watched s2 which is so weird to think about. like that means that i liked s2 so much that i BOUGHT THE DVD FOR S1. yeah. I liked it that much (it really only means I was that much of a simp for sarah). but it also means that technically i watched s1 after i met ava?? like i honestly had NO CLUE what was in my future. did young me ever think she was going to stay up late at night, avoiding history hw while analyzing a defunct character from this show on a whim? a character i was super annoyed with at the beginning? who has no become a huge part of my personality? honestly? no. no she did not.

-and the story with downey was so jarring. and the story with zanetti. like i think i first started watching with the first ep of s2 (the one im talking about rn) and i was a bit lost. so going back and watch s1 to like connect the dots. but i never expected the dots to look like that. its like each season of this show is a completely different show from all the other seasons. like i’ve said before, this show is a headache. but literally latham please come and end this for now.

-GOD CONNOR LOOKS SO YOUNG WHAT THE HELL thats so weird lmaooooo

- like i had absolutely no clue who downey was going into this. and they they started talking like ‘oh yeah he killed his attending’ and i was just like ‘damn bro ill cheers to that’

- that’s literally ava’s first line actually. “i heard your girlfriend went insane and you murdered your attending.” - which was why she was hated at first. that was literally her first line to connor which is like, so hilariously rude that it was instantly iconic.

-also HAHAHAHAH CUE FUCKING ANGST ABOUT CONNOR HURTING EVERYONE AROUND HIM WTF BRO THE EFFECT YOU HAVE ON PEOPLE

- but i’m also sad now. --- “I heard your girlfriend went insane.” Oh. Oh, sweetie. Ava... No. --- but why does s2 ava (all two lines) foreshadow s4 ava in so many ways. like literally what were the writers on.

-baghdad.

-ah yes. the return of baghdad. been a long time since i heard that one, but it is easily one of my favorite running things about med. its just a little detail but the nick name is like perfect. (when i read fanfic where the chars are actually doing doctor stuff in the hospital it makes me light up) the WORLD BUILDINGGGGG. but whatever

-this is the girl who has the fake baby right? that was a really good ep (bc sarah content. can you see my favorites? for the same reason the one where the girl has split personalities easily ranks high with me.) oh wait this is the one where the dad like dies but then comes back for a split second to see his grand child. there’s not really a lot I can say about that, but the fact that i remember it vividly is... weird.

-okay but I actually love the ED in this show. I love how the show is centered around the ED and not the OR like greys. its fast paced, you see a lot about the characters really quickly (one of the reason’s connor’s intro to the hospital in the pilot is certified iconic in my mind [his interactions with will are gold]). the team works well together (usually, when things are good. - which is another reason I hated the show more as time went on. The personal lives interfered more and more and more with their work as time went on. it got so annoying). but like right here will just calls maggies name and maggie is just On It. I love it. I love the fast pace. it’s why this show got me to come back. so many things happen, it overloads my brain, like the way a video game works y occupying all of your attention.

-when is the dad gonna pass out i’m just waiting

-AHAHAHAHAHA JEFF NOOOOO. what even was the deal with jeff that storyline annoyed me so much I never got it. he was friends with nat’s husband (who died) and they were both named Jeff? and she actually ended up getting with Jeff a few times?

- the more you watch med and see how the characters get with each other, the more jaded you become

-omg they’re transferring the girl to the bed i love it when they count

-maggie was great but from what i heard/read they ruined her character too??? just not the same

-lmao only real g’s remember the chicago fire backdoor med pilot (if you want an explanation ask me lmao it was a ride)

- i was a real med simp bc I bought that episode on apple video.

-ahahaha this is so stupid. Jeff tries to do things and Will (being a fucking asshole and jealous, doesnt’ let him). he’s a med student let him fucking learn. also i remember why i hated will

-okay but if you look at greys vs. med, greys literally gives their med students no rights. scratch that. they give they’re interns little to no rights. (i only watched the last three seasons bc lesbian, but in those seasons they introduce the bottom of the totem pole, the sub I’s, who are a step ahead of med students, yet they are jokes on the show.) its just a weird juxtaposition is all.

-”lungs are wet.” dramatic music intensifies.

-OKAY BUT I LITERALLY FORGOT NATALIE SPECIALIZED IN PEDS. LIKE I COMPLETELY 100% FORGOT. HOLY SHIT THATS SO FUNNY i can’t believe in my mass hyperfixation i forgot, just more proof that she doesn’t deserve anything.

-why did will make nat do that call? also idk why but is it weird to anyone else when the characters call each other but just.. their names.

-ahahahah i laugh literally everytime i remember that will is supposed to be in charge like he is threatened by anything that MOVES. (also more juxtapositon to greys bc here the attendings are treated as a joke!)

- hly shit i just remember monday mourning and god damn the angst literally never takes a day off but whatever.

- i dont usually get like this but the dad’s acting here is actually making me sad lol. Usually i get annoyed when family members get emotional (im weird uhhhh)

-why did we have to watch the tube being put in for so long - med is so dramatic this fucking show whyyyy

- i bet u the dad is gonna pass out

-oh ig not oops

-OKAY FUCK ME THAT LITERALLY ONLY TOOK US TO THE TITLES HOW DO I HAVE THESE MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS.

-wait latham introduction we may just be able to call it here.

-haha i fucking hate him (connor). he just... comes off so fake-charming its annoying. i cant get over it lmao

-okay but literally every gives connor shit and I am here for it. Latham: “did you kill him?”

- it is literally so funny but annoy how connor throws hands with literally everyone in his path (like dude just chill come onnn)

-okay. okay. okay. finally the part i was waiting for.

- Latham: I preferred a young woman from Groote Schuur, but I was outvoted.

That’s an actual quote, from Latham. For those who are wondering, Groote Schuur is a famous hospital in, you guessed it, South Africa. This is where I’m calling the episode. This is all I needed.

I just want to restate. This is the first episode of season 2. Ava Bekker is introduced to the show in the last episode of season 2. What does this mean, my friends? It means everything.

For those of you who stuck through to the end, I am very thankful. Here we have probably the first piece of evidence to my theory, at least chronologically.

I, personally, think it’s absurd I remembered this point, but I did. That point, that line, presently, watching this episode with no idea of what the future holds, is only there to tell us that Latham and Connor are not going to agree. But this is the single greatest piece of foreshadowing med has ever done.

Med has never planned anything. I feel confident when I say that. Look at their storylines. They are literally on fire, and every decision the characters make reads like the writers going ‘we have no idea how we made it this far, we thought we would get stopped like ten steps ago.’

When has med ever planned things more than a few episodes in advanced, honestly? Almost never, and going a full season sitting on a plot point, that’s major. This was the first time med has ever planned something miles in advance.

In all honestly, yes I am probably giving the med writers a lot more credit than they deserve. It’s quite possible that as the season progressed they just decided connor needed a new love interest or at least a new dynamic, so they could have just easily looked back and thought ‘oh, hey, here’s a fun little thing we said earlier in the season, wouldn’t it be fun if it paid off?’ That could be true.

Here’s why it probably isn’t. The med writers have no respect for their own continuity. you really think that, in order to come up with a whole new character, they went back to the first episode of the season and paid off a line that is said in less than 2 seconds? no way. Bull. Shit.

honestly, it is probably equally unlikely that either of these things happened. The med writers don’t look back at their story. It’s true, but they also don’t plan things in advance either.

here’s the thing, the more i write, the more absurd it starts to sound. Yeah. Sure. the med writers sat on a character for an entire season, that’s totally a thing that happened and not sarcasm. When pigs fly. everyone knows med is impulsive and messy. But what I am saying is that they planned one thing. One thing.

Ava has an accent. That was a commitment. A pretty uncommon one too. South Africa is such an out of the box choice that god its barely on the map. It asks a lot of someone to act hard while also doing an uncommon accent. If the med writers just decided they needed to give connor a new dynamic, they could have made it a n y o n e. Yeah, sure it would have been nice to have the latham dynamic with the new character, but it would have been so much easier to just create a new character that doesn’t have such a commitment. We all know people who play opposite of Connor Rhodes do not stay around that long.

There is absolutely no reason Connor’s s3 love interest had to be the girl from South Africa. It could have literally been anyone. They could have kept Robin on. They could have made the new character not have so many specific requirements.

At this point, I’m pushing this really hard. Yeah, obviously Ava was planned from the beginning of s2. She had to be. It’s way too specific to be anything else.

What I’m pointing out here is med has never done that before. (at least to my knowledge, if i’m wrong please tell me i don’t want to be a fool) They have never had such a concrete plan for a character, so much as to tease them a full season before they were introduced.

I’m saying, that Ava was special. She was the only character who was teased ahead of her arrival. The one who they knew they wanted, other than the originals, and honestly saying the ‘knew what they wanted to do with the originals’ is being generous. But Ava was different. They had big plans for Ava.

It’s undeniable. Ava was the only character who was planned and teased ahead of her arrival. Ava has such a different style and character than anyone else on the show. She was always planned to be, even when she was just being teased, a rival to connor, meaning she could stand her own against him (or without him).

Now of course, the med writers forgot this when writing s4 and s5. But for the purposes of the important things, all that really matters are the two mentions in s2, and what happens in s3. (for the theory at least).

In conclusion: think about how odd it is that Ava was the only character that was planned over the course of the show. Like sure the characters are planned, but never this far in advance. Med writers don’t really plan anything. I would be shocked if they did anything but through a dart at a spinning wheel. But they had plans for Ava, and they had plans for s3, when she was good.

Think about how odd it is that the med writers had a character planned from the start of s2, that they sat on for a whole season. They never, ever did something so slow and deliberate. Never. It goes against their formula. Like a fucking shark, they have to be moving or they die, at least in their heads. But Ava was always a change to the formula. They had a plan for s3.

that’s it for now. we will see what happens when i watch the last episode of s2.

read the next parts:

Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[bigbrothermonopoly]

EPISODE 1: 

HOH: CHRIS

EVICTED: REHDER 15-0

KORI: 

My first Diary Room, I'm really loving the cast right now. Haven't talked to Dem, Chris, Andrew, Rheder, Silence, Madison or Kristine yet since they have yet to be on. Hoping this was more of a some people were kindof busy or just couldn't stay up for Cast Reveal and NOT a Oh we're all gonna be a bunch of inactive bitches. Emma talked about being UTR with our relationship and actually work together this ORG for the first time after 2 times failing to do so. Dunno if that's gonna work out, but hey third time's the charm maybe. Eve and Jess are icons as per usual I'm excited to finally be playing a game with them. Eve is suggesting a possible Jackbox Alliance, we'll see if that's like an actual thing I feel like that's the easy thing though and I don't know if that's what I actually want. I definitely plan to ride with that for a little while though. Gwen is sweetheart, she seems like a Discord noob, hoping that's not like a face personality to make her seem more endearing. I'm hoping to get good with Tawni and Mackenzie, meanwhile Brien, Austin, and Nicky I'm pretty medium with so far. I'm HOPING I can like develop good relationships with all of them. But like the female side of this cast is stacked, and the men kindof leave a lot to be desired so far. Hopefully when the other half wakes up I'll get a feel for them some more.

KORI: 

So, it's been not even 5 hours, I'm now in 2 alliances, one which is like not even remotely serious because Nicky just put everyone in the VC in an alliance... which is wild. Chris and Kristine came on, Chris is... interesting, for some reason I don't get good vibes from him. Something about his tone or the way he talks. He isn't really saying anything wrong, but at least on VC I don't get good vibes at all. Kristine seems like a sweetie, she's from MI too so I feel like we COULD have tons to talk about. Who knows though. Maybe she's a fake betch, only time will tell. (But hopefully she's a real one.) Still waiting on those others to get online at some point though, I need to feel EVERYONE out and so far there's still too many people that I have like no fucking clue on.

NICKY: 

i honestly don’t know anyone and i’m paranoid to not be on call cuz they probably talking shit about me

JESS: 

Question of the day: Why are there so many straight white males here?!

AUSTIN:

I’m super excited to be in this season of board game big brother! I’m trying to have conversations with every houseguest and make a good first impression but it’s hard to keep 17 conversations going at the same time. Also the first head of household competition has begun! I don’t want to win the first HOH because I don’t want a target on my back this early.

REDHER:

**DIARY ROOM THINGAMAJIG**: I feel that I could definitely make my move. My experience with survivor definitely suits good here. Kori, Eve, and Andrew were quick to contact me and negotiate. I feel like I could definitely use my age as an advantage ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Only one I’m not liking rn is eve she just comes on too hard but nothing really too bad yet.

JESS:

So... hmmm.. this game is.. interesting? so far? I've already been attacked by the hosts and the majority of this cast. Don't @ me but... pineapple does NOT belong on pizza! In all seriousness... this is a WEIRD group of people. Some new faces, old faces, and a bunch of unknowns. My game plan in all honesty as of right now is to let Eve think she can control me. She is one of the few people I know in this game so I kind of have no choice but to work with her while I put in the ground work with others. I want her to think I'm one of her "minions" so she thinks I'm useful and I'll do whatever she wants for now... Big personalities are sinking ships in Big Brother so gotta come up with that plan B for when Eve (probably) falls. BUT i'm kind of just trying to take this a bit slow and trying to talk to everyone right now so no brain power required. PS: I refuse to touch that HOH with a 10 foot poll. Let's do a mini little trust list? 1. Jess 100. Everyone else I don't trust any of these hoes.

KRISTINE:

So happy that Chris got HOH we came into this game together hoping one of us would win HOH and that’s exactly what happened. I’m 100% confident that I’m not going to be nominated!!! We worked together and I gave him as much information as I could. We both did. It worked perfectly. And he made himself the bigger target anyways.

MACKENZIE:

I’m a LIIIIITLE mad i came close to winning and didn’t but it’s okay bc i Kinda didn’t want too idk hxjsjzjz does chris exist though? i swear i haven’t seen him online HHHH

CHRIS:

How did I win the HOH. Not only do I have power but I also have no idea what I am doing. I am a dog trying to mix chemicals or trying to use a computer while being blindfolded and having one arm tied to my leg. I am more than happy and excited to be the first HOH but I know that brings a gigantic target on my back when I have to nominate two people. I want to make a huge move and take out any big bodies there are earlyBut I have learned that that isn’t a good scenario to start with. Hopefully I’ll have a better idea of who I want to vote for tomorrow when I talk to my closest allies which is just me and myself so looks like I’m talking to myself everyone. Well I want to go figure this out now hope y’all have a good time

KORI:

Chris is apparently VERY lucky somehow snagging the first HoH despite seeming to not really talk with anyone. So I'm honestly kindof annoyed would've preferred a Mackenzie or Eve win but not much I can really do but shut my trap and suck up in a way that doesn't seem blatantly fake. He's currently talking to me about wanting to target big and talkative people. "Fuck the VL as it were." So RIP Eve probably. I won $20 in that little task which is fun. I'm HOPING telling the Jackbox Crew wasn't a mistake, I hope the $20 isn't going to be a major reason for anyone to want me to go, especially since it's like, such a minor amount of money I feel like especially when you look towards the long term. I want to trust that group for right now though. Overall this HoH situation kinda sucks since we're probably going to lose a personality, and even more likely it'll turn out to be someone I like. Guuuhhh.

NICKY:

omg it’s joshua bassett birthday!!! periodt!! me remaining unbothered in jail because my mentions are off heheheheh

AUSTIN:

So.... nominations are tonight. I’m feeling pretty good because I’ve been chatting with Chris and we seem to be getting along. We are going to try to get a group of seven people together so we have numbers for the following weeks, but anything can happen, after all this is big brother!

BRIEN:

WILLIAM:

So obviously I'm pissed that I am nominated.... Like wtf did I ever do you, but in a way it is my fault... I have been sick the last few days and have just been laying in bed. Also I love how out of everyone in the game Chris was the one person I did not talk to before the HoH. 

NICKY:

literally these people are so fucking annoying- i’ll just hop online for like 5 seconds and say nothing and all of sudden half of the cast is my dms like hey hi good morning

EMMA:

GWEN:

Fuck Cheatham This is my first official DR. I am at my mom’s house and I left my computer at home, so this will probably be shorter than usual. Yay for phones. Looks like Rehder will be the evictee tonight. Unfortunately, he did not reach out to me until like a day after the veto comp. Can I put emojis here? If I could it would be rolling eyes emoji. The uuuuuuhhliance is...it exists. Will stay loyal until I can’t I guess. The Mandela Monocles is where it is at. I feel bad that Silence got roped in my Rehder and Will for another alliance...he didn’t ask for it. I hope it doesn’t come back and bite him. Me and Kori are Left Phalanges. We will win. K thanks byyyeee

TAWNI:

I’m sick. I have no energy. I probably should have done this earlier but I wasn’t planning on being sick. I honestly don’t even know who is nominated. Neither one has messaged me soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. 

REHDER: 

I’m doing not too good. William and Silence are confirmed and they are branching out, everyone else I’ve talked too is going with the house and I’m currently trying to convince them that the house is with me but idk. Probably exiting after tonight. It was a good run but I guess I’m only good at survivors. Anyways, I hope I get to stay in

NICKY:

i’m concerned about a couple things 1. everyone telling me i’m safe 2. everyone acting like they are in an alliance with everyone and everyone knows the plan so even if i’m safe- it feels like everyone in some big alliance and that doesn’t work well with me

WILLIAM:

I've got 2 things to say!!! IM SO PUMPED THAT I HAVE WON VETO!!! WOOOOOO. I do trust alot of people in the house but I feel much better being able to save myself and be here another week.... Also I dont know what Rehder's strategy is but it ain't working 😂😂 Hes texting me all these people who's votes he has and doesnt and another list of those who I have to text for him! What!!!!! Also I dont know if he knows but half of his list he gave plan on voting him out tonight ☠

BRIEN:

KORI:

Well as it currently stands Rehder SHOULD be going home. Which is a shame in some ways he seemed like a nice kid... messy, but still nice. I've tried pulling back a bit since Kristine mentioned that someone views me as a social threat. Not sure that's totally accurate, but if someone is viewing me that way I need to carefully and meticulously figure out who that person is, and kick their ass to the curb. As it currently stands I think the 2 3 people I'm struggling with the most as far as conversation is Dem, Tawni, and Chris. Eve seems to think Chris is under their mist, which I mean go off, like its gonna be funny when Chris wins HoH 6 weeks from now and is ready for that #Chaos he wanted for this week. My #2 right now is probably Gwen. While I do love Eve and value their partnership, I can't help but feel like I'm replaceable for the whole Jackbox Crew. I'm still not looking to make a move any of the next couple of weeks, we'll have to see how the game progresses to know where exactly I'll go. It's also still just the first week, so my opinion on everything may very well change, the game is just starting and I'm raring to pop anyone who crosses me.

EVE:

ANDREW:

watching the cast videos now im going to give you my thoughts 1. i wanted to barf watching nickys 2. gwen is a bad bitch i hope she wins 3. omg i feel so dumb cuz i was talking to austin like we was 13 cuz i thought he was honestly .... and hes not.. hopefully i can recover. but idc. hes a little boring but sweet. 4. i hope mackenzie is nice to me. 5. fuck yeah jess lets chug a beer together 6. WILLIAM....Bowling With Buddies....Im going to nominate him if I win. 7. Kristine is the second prettiest here, next to me. Hope she wins too :heart: Shes adorbs :heart: 8. silence is cool i want to work with him 9. SHUT THE FUCK UP BRIEN actually nvm i kinda like him i wanna work with him I've talked to Chris a decent amount prior to him winning hoh so im feeling kind of good that i wont be nominated but i dont want to get comfortable because bitches are wild around here. My HoH performance.....FUcking embarrasing. Especially since people were asking me if i wanted to win and i was like yeah why not Austin proposed an alliance with me yesterday and i was just kinda like yeah i mean i’m open to anything that has safety involved and then today he told me he also talked to chris prior to hoh about creating an alliance with me and him called the gents, which is a fuckin hideous name i had no idea that he was going to ask ppl to join in on shit i thought it was kinda just gonna be a low-key u got my back i got urs but i mean chris is in a position of power so it’s definitely not the worst thing for my game, i just hope austin isn’t making himself look like a fool in the process of trying to make these connections because he is also saying my name to chris and i just don’t want to be openly associated with anybody yet if chris isn’t on the same page yknow But right now i’m just going to ride the waves i don’t really want to challenge anyone or anything just yet

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #1- “I AM ONE OF THE TWO OLD LADIES OF THIS SEASON AND I’M ONLY 29!!”- Gwen

Here is what I wanna say before the game even starts: I want to be the villain of this season. I wanna piss people off, stab people in the back, and do whatever I can to ruin other people's games. In all honesty, I don't really care about winning or not, as long as I have fun while doing it. The goal is to be like Russel Hantz or Tyson. I picked Tommy as my icon for the irony, because everyone else will associate me with his kindness before I stab them in the back. 

I'm looking forward to this game! So glad it's with a bunch of newbies, I was worried it'd end up being a half and half deal and that's the format I've been completely fucked over by in the past, so fingers crossed without jinxing myself I can thrive here! I'll do a proper cast assessment of my tribe in the morning when I've spoken to more people and gotten a better feel for them, but I already love Gwen and she's definitely somebody I can see myself working with. I need to rewatch the introductions as well since there's so many videos.. obviously missed the memo about that myself oops! 

feeling really good on day one so far. the tribe seem great and im already keeping my eye out for a few i wanna work with . we wil just see what happens after the immunity challenge .

I don’t even know yet. Kinda hard to judge who is friends with who. i’m supposed to ge your tawni for my idol thing but that’s not gonna happen bc she’s the only one i KNOW

Sweet fishsticks on ice, what a night! I talked to everyone on the tribe and they are awesome! My goal is to use today to try and get to know everyone more and make them comfortable. I'd say ai definitely do vibe with a few people, namely Gwen, AnnMarie, Rizo, and Liam but I like to keep my options like the oceans- open

Something funny took place! I talked to Gwen who said she wanted to work with essentially me, Rizo, AnnMarie, Sara, and Liam. No more than 2-3 minutes after, Rizo messages me with more sorta the same proposal. Dont get me wrong I am for this, but I will say it was pretty telling to me of the ones I may have to keep my eyes on!

Marooning Night: Everything’s looking solid so far. Tribe seems to be shaping up nicely and I’m making some good connections with people. Hopefully we can be competitive in challenges. I’ve connected with AnnMarie through band, Sara through zwooper, Rizo through sports, and Tim right off the bat through not mowing what we were doing :)  I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to Kyle yet, but from his video I gleaned that we are both big husker fans and that we were both at the Nebraska Iowa game, so there should be a good connection there. There is one thing that makes me a little nervous though. I looked through the cast reveal and I am the youngest person on the cast. I know that’s doomed the game of some survivor players, and I’m not sure how much that will affect this game. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Well I love everyone. So friendly! I have a lot in common with everyone and it's so exciting. I enjoyed meeting everyone, but the game part of the game came quickly behind. It seems that a group is developing with me, rizo, liam, chris, and gwen. I'm glad that Ive already been pulled into a group, it makes me feel comfortable. But I have to be careful. It is only the first round. I'm worried about my inactivity and that affecting challenges. I gotta wakeup at 5 am for school, so going to bed at midnight may not be the best. Hopefully no one notices.

Morning Day 1: What the hell. You’ve got to be kidding me. This sucks. Why does this have to be the twist in my first season. We have to get THREE players voted out of the game before we can get an idol, and then if we keep playing them right we can get up to three straight. We got our target list, and of course, I got AnnMarie, Tim and Sara. Three of the people I’ve connected with the most and wanted to work with. And now, in order to have a chance at the first idol(s), all three of them have to be voted out. I don’t think I’m going to try for that idol very hard, at least not until we get new target lists, cause I want to work with those people.

Right now I could see three possibilities for first boot. Cheatham and Zach haven't been that active, and then Will just makes me feel so uncomfortable that I sort of want to vote him out right now. But not in a "hey lets throw the challenge to vote him out" way bc he won't be playing so it might be unfair based solely on that. Austin is cool but a little inactive so far, he seems decidedly average. Tawny hasn't spoken to me yet :( but still she spoke a lot in our call so if I were to target her based off that it could only end poorly. Noah is cool, I get the feeling he is going to overplay tremendously, so maybe I'd like to have him as my number one. Amy and Dylan are great as well, and I would also love to work with them if I can. Ideal alliance so far would be me, Amy, Austin, Dylan, Noah so far. But only if I'm not the guy who organizes it singlehandedly

What’s on my right now is that I am very comfortable with where I am in the game, I have already made connections with a few people and I am very confident I will be staying in this game for a while. To talk about this twist let me quote Debbie and say “AND IM PISSED” I can’t even do this twist because I’m working with somebody on my list and I don’t want them gone.

What’s on my mind is that The Cock Destroyer alliance will hopefully run the tribe, my main objective is to not get the weak people gone first since I wanna drag them alone like a sack of meet so one of my main targets for now is Dylan because I’m gonna be honest I don’t trust the guy and he gotta go, PERIOD!

Noah/Amy/Dylan/Zach/me alliance sounds fun lets do it Will/Austin/Tawni all have decent connections just not with me Cheatham is looking like a first boot candidate rn bc no one's mentioning him as someone they like, so hopefully I'll be ok for at least one tribal if we lose the challenge

Holy guacamole, I went from feeling like we were Hopeless in Seattle to being D2 the Mighty Ducks. Being able to find the right door first is a huge relief but I have to gio my hat off to my entire tribe because we make a great team and Gwen rocked this!

So it's been less than 24 hours and I've spoken to everyone. Right now, I just want to get everyone to like me because that will make them want to work with me. My targets are Will, Dylan and Cheatham. Right now, I just want to isolate them, or form a majority alliance without them, because that will make my game much easier.

Uh oh. Since I have high school I wasn't able to be active all day for this (kinda confusing) challenge. I'm really hoping that this isn't going to put too big of a target on my back. My target right now is Dylan. He's one of my targets, and I'm pretty sure I'm one of his, judging by the fact that he never responded to me when I said I wanted to work with him.

Alliance time! I just made an alliance with everyone except the 3 on my target list. This is exactly how I planned. I think I redeemed myself after not really doing much in the challenge, and I'm already playing harder than the others. The fact that I created the alliance will make the people in it feel good too because now they will think I really trust them. Anyway, if all goes to plan we can eliminate one of my three targets (Cheatham, Will, Dylan) and slowly get each of them out until I get my idol.

So the alliance is me, Will, Vincent, Amy, Austin and Tawni. I got Amy to give one of the other three as a name so I didn't have to seem too vocal, and she said Cheatham which makes me home that he is gone first. But unless plans change, I'll have 1/3 targets gone, leaving Will and Dylan as my next 2 to go. I'm sorry, but this is just lining up way too easily for me.

I am so happy we won! Man talk about comeback! I think this is going to help push stuff in the right directions for sure! Rizo and I may have a pair going on but we're talking about creating a 4some (me, him, Gwen, and Sara) and maybe that can lead to a majority chat with the others. I do know I want to keep my options open without forgetting the opportunities that will soon be closed

I’m a little pissed off, so my plan was to get rid of Dylan but my so called alliance memebers are like DONT VOTEEEE DYLANNNWNWNWN, because Zach decided to think he was being clever by trying to make an alliance which excluded me but little does his tiny brain know that his ass is grass and he’s going to be waddling out of tribal. Noah said why do I wanna make big moves round 1 and simply I just wanted Dylan out because I have a big feeling he’s untrustworthy PERIOD.

I feel like as it’s the first round I’ll do a little mini tribe assessment. cheatham - only one I know coming into this so obviously gonna stick with him. Noah - he’s more cracked than the love child of JJ and Keaton Dylan - seems like cool people. I enjoy a fellow Texan Vincent - who? Amy - sweet gal Will - I enjoy the accent Austin - I also enjoy the accent. I feel at home. Hate the name. It’s my ex’s name. Both of them Back to Noah - also hate the name. Name of a fuck boy from earlier this year. Zach - WHO!? Apparently cause I was like who am I forgetting. Apparently Zach. Ok but wtf is up with the “Solid Six” tf??? Making an alliance out of panic maybe? Also....cheatham thinking calling Noah sane makes it true or something??? Like honestly wtf is even going on. Like what is this fucking twist? What what that challenge and WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE MAKING THINGS DIFFICULT ON THE FIRST VOTE JUST GET THE PERSON WHO DIDNT CONTRIBUTE TO THE CHALLENGE (so I’ve been told. Let’s be real here I still don’t understand it and I just consented my life and first born away) AND MOVE THE FUCK ON AND WIN THE NEXT ONE PLEASE BECAUSE THEY ARE A BUNCH OF PARANOID FREAKS! Hi I’m tawni and welcome to stonerverse. I’m sorry I wrote that but I’m keeping it in here.

ok so we lost despite my best efforts >:( (i like writing cfs bc skype won't turn my emojis ugly here, the fact that I can read them more easily post-season is merely a bonus) The consensus is to vote out Zach, because he is easily the least active. He was the last person to really show up, still barely talked to anyone (aside from me apparently), and didn't contribute to the challenge at all. Now, I firmly believe that out of everyone in the game, Zach trusts me the most. So in a way, it would be beneficial to keep him. However, doing that would unfortunately sever my ties with other potential allies who are more likely to be useful to me, such as Noah or Austin. I did briefly try to campaign for Will leaving, and I am very sure that I could pull off a 5-4 blindside with Zach, Dylan, Noah, and maybe Amy, but that would be quite messy. Austin and Cheatham are set on the Zach train, and I have 0 relationship with Tawni, so going for those votes is unrealistic. And to be honest, the whole thing doesn't necessarily paint me in the best light, and it puts me in the spotlight I want to avoid right now. Amy - she's a good ally so far and i like talking to her, and it doesn't even seem like she's that active which doesn't make her as dangerous as some of the other players on this tribe. definitely someone worth raising hell to save. Austin - he's cool, we're together, he's active, but he's impossible to read. i cant tell if hes going to be a major flop or a major threat, this guy is going to be fun to play with, and i am 95% sure that if i'm voted out, he'll have had something to do with it. Cheatham - he's certainly an interesting character. he is quite active, which will serve him well, but i'm not feeling as if he's going to be a top contender. Dylan - he's one of my favourite people to talk to, but i've heard several people mentioning him as someone they like, so I'll need to make sure that I don't under-estimate him. Noah - I said a few hours in (in my thread) that Noah would be an amazing ally, and so far it's looking like he's my number one. I haven't lied to him at all (even by omission), and I hope we can keep this up right until I take him out at the final 5 >:) (lmao i'm not merging why should i be planning my endgame) Tawni - declaring right now she is the most dangerous player on my tribe. would be a great vote if will/zach weren't on my tribe and if she wasn't so well-connected otherwise. Will - he isn't talking to me anymore, out of everyone in the tribe he would help my game the least. also, we'd had a bit of a weird conversation earlier which I really didn't like so idk if I'd be ok working with him. Zach - voted out, no one can have an idol so i won't be 1-0'd

um, my tribe is really cool. I like everyone, hopefully we win more

Who knew these ORGs could be so fun? Probably everyone reading this. But seriously, I am having a blast so far. Ok, so a few things before I get to my thoughts on my tribemates: 1. Before reading on, be aware that anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt. I apologize for my dry sense of humor and my ego in advance. 2. I AM ONE OF THE TWO OLD LADIES OF THIS SEASON AND I’M ONLY 29!! 3. You should know that I am very competitive. And I like to be in control. It is going to be really hard for me to take my foot off the gas pedal sometimes! I cannot tell you how difficult it was to leave my tribe for an hour and a half this morning for a meeting for work and have them continue the immunity challenge without me. I put together a spreadsheet and updated it as we took our turns. I was also the one to dictate our moves most of the time. The hosts were very particular about the format of our moves, down to the spaces and punctuation. I did not want anyone to send an incorrect response without me checking it first. But when I had to go into a work meeting, I had to let it go. They were successful without me (after my extensive and thorough coaching of course). They appear to be capable human beings (insert laughing emoji here). 4. One thing that I am not telling the rest of the castaways is the exact nature of my job. Luckily, my official job title is ���Case Manager,” so I can get away with seeming way less awesome than I actually am. They know that I work with kids with autism. But what I am leaving out is that I supervise ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) programs. I am planning to sit for my board certification exam next year. (Fingers crossed!!) I develop and monitor behavior intervention programs, as well as train staff and caregivers in how to implement the principles of ABA. Yes, my job involves analyzing and modifying the behavior of kids with autism, but behavior is behavior regardless of about whom you are talking. The basic principles of behavior still apply…defining, predicting, and ultimately modifying the behavior of others through manipulation of environmental variables that either reinforce or punish specific behaviors. I could go into more, but I won’t now. Maybe in some future confessional I will give some specific examples. Look at me applying my work to my “personal life” 5. I am in one “official” alliance, meaning we have a separate group chat – it is called the Sunt Pack. It consists of Rizo, Sara, and me. We are all Sam Hunt fans, hence the “Sunt Pack.” The following points are about my fellow tribemates. I’m glad I waited until today to share my opinions, because they have definitely changed since we competed in the immunity challenge! 6. AnnMarie – Very sweet high school girl. I am in an unofficial alliance with her and Sara that Sara doesn’t know about yet called “CP” – Clarinet Pride. (EDIT – she knows about it now because I just made a group chat) AnnMarie currently plays clarinet in her school band and Sara and I played clarinet when we were in school. My only concern about AnnMarie is that she can’t have her phone on her during the school day. We were able to work around it in the challenge today, but I don’t know how this will affect future challenges; however, it might be beneficial later on when the game is individual. For now, I am trying to be a “mother” type figure to her…giving her advice about after graduating high school. I feel that we have bonded over this. 7. Chris – Awesome guy! He is in the unofficial majority alliance (that I hope is the only majority alliance haha) with AnnMarie, Liam, Sara, and Rizo. We’ve had some cool chats. I think we would get along well in real life. 8. Liam – The Dom to my Colin. Very cool chap. Wicked conversation – had a very riveting discussion about how accounting and philosophy majors are so similar. Clearly. But seriously. In the unofficial majority alliance. 9. Sara – my fellow OLD LADY. We have a lot in common because we are about the same age, and we graduated high school the same year. We also both like country music. Seemed kind of quiet when we did a group audio/video chat. SARA IS ON MY LIST OF PEOPLE TO GET OUT. As much as I love a fellow Grandma, I will figure out how to get her out of the game, if not by my hands directly. In the unofficial majority alliance. 10. Kyle – He was the last person that I talked to. I definitely had the wrong impression of him before our audio/video chat during the challenge. Seems like a pretty chill dude. Plus he has lots of adorable pets. But, HE IS ALSO ON MY LIST OF PEOPLE TO GET OUT! He seems pretty savy, so might not be the worst move near the end of the pre-merge. 11. Steven – Not much to say – haven’t talked to him very much in individual chat. Seems nice enough. I need to get to know him better, but HE IS ALSO ON MY LIST. So, whatevs. (In all seriousness though, I’m sure he is lovely and I would love to get to know him!!!!) 12. Rizo – My brother from another mother! Puns puns puns across the board! Dad jokes FTW. Need I say more? I need to make this gentleman my ride or die. And then slay him in the finals. Then be BFFs after. In the unofficial majority alliance. 13. Tim – He was another one that I think I was wrong about. I make one incorrect Harry Potter reference, trying to be all smart…BUT I think we bonded over the challenge. In the audio/video chat, we nerded out over our Survivor fandom and strategy for the challenge. So I may have been wrong about him. 14. Okay, this is long. Is that normal? I have no idea. I’m new to this. I am SO THANKFUL to now be a part of this community. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to be able to make a reference to a past season and have other people actually know what I am talking about. That’s all for now! 

Coming into this game I honestly expected to know a few people..or have at least seen them around but I didn't (with the exception of Tawni but I don't know her well). I love that. When you start fresh, nobody can judge you based off previous experience. Observing and picking up things about strangers is literally one of the most fun aspects of games to me. I got the best vibes at the very beginning from Rizo/Gwen/Liam and also Tim...but could tell right from the get go that Gwen is a THREAT! Women's intuition. The comp just confirmed it further. I pray to the Survivor gods that others aren't blinded and realize this! I could tell before any alliance was even made that she was close with Chris too and probably closer with Rizo then I am. Being in 3 different alliances with her is inch resting. She's playing hard and to win! But anywayyyyys..had we lost, I figured Steven might be an easy first boot because he was just rather quiet and kept to himself...but then he SHOWED UP at the end of that comp and finally started initiating Convo with me and not the other way around. So when we lose..whos an easy vote? Idk. Pretty sure the answer is nobody! And then there's Kyle.... I didn't really give him a second thought until we went on group call and then played in the comp. He's just so chill and laid back and those are the people I like working with. I don't like pushy players and I don't like sheep and he's neither of those so I'm hoping that we can stick together for a long while. He's also fun to hassle so. Yeah um...this confessional is getting really long so I'll stop ranting for a while...though I have plenty to say. *Giggle*

so zach thinks he has a solid six alliance but....that's not gonna happen sweetie. he is such a easy target and one of the three on my list so ya gotta go. :)

Zach LITERally went to everyone in the house day 1 and asked to work with them after 2 words to eachother. Since i wasn’t buying it, we made an alliance called Solid Six 😳🤢 and he wants me out. Newsflash bitch, i made and alliance and everyone wants HIM out. The Sanes Ones about to win the season. I knew Tawni before this. Noah is a little crackhead-y but I think he is loyal to me. Dylan is such a sweetheart and i love him. And Amy... well... she plays pokemon?ANYWAYS, can’t wait for my first survivor tribal EVER

Going into tribal tonight I have no worries at all, I’m sitting comfortable in The Cock Destroyers alliance and we will be running the game until a tribe swap or until we merge. To the elimination tonight I don’t really want Zach to go since in my eyes he’s Gypsy Rose aka helpless in this game. Something else I’ve noticed there is a lot of gay guys on this tribe and I have one thing to say Only One Faggot Will Win and that me 😘

We are about to head in to tribal and honestly, there hasn't been much gameplay going on. I am voting for Cheatham because he is one of my three targets, and he hasn't spoken a single word to me about working with me. Of course there is a chance that I am just oblivious to everyone else and that I am going home, but I really hope that's not the case.

8 votes Zach, 1 vote Cheatham.