#that guy asks ‘now you ain’t gonna hurt me are ya?’ and Alan says that he doesn’t have the time to

[daydreamerdrew]

All-American Comics (1939) #19

[evenstevensranked]

#48: Season 2, Episode 8 - “Head Games”

Twitty becomes the star pitcher of LJH’s baseball team! He’s loving it until Louis starts to put pressure on him to win all the time. Elsewhere, Ren tries to sit next to Bobby Deaver on the bus come hell or high water.

But, I’m pretty sure the one thing everyone remembers from this episode is:

(^ I cannot find the source of that gif for the life of me. So, if it’s yours... I’m sorry. Tell me and I’ll credit you!)

This one opens at the baseball field! Kinda refreshing. And guess who the announcer is?! It’s ARTIE RYAN!!! Played by Jerry Messing from Freaks and Geeks. This marks his first appearance in my countdown! He’s basically this overweight and sort of apathetic character, who dishes out some hilariously dry humor. He’s unfortunately only in five episodes over the course of the series. Then again, maybe that’s a good thing. It’s never fun when a character actor is overused and subsequently goes stale... (*cough* Beans *cough*) 

What a guy!

LJH isn’t doing too hot with the current pitcher they have out on the mound. Louis is there with a radar gun, checking the pitcher’s speed and hanging around Coach Tugnut. When Tugnut asks where he got the radar gun Louis says: “Got it at a police auction. I would’ve got the jaws of life, it just didn’t fit on my bike.” He also rags on the pitcher saying “My grandma can throw a ball of yarn faster.” Idk why, but I kind of like these lines. They’re clearly pre-written and therefore feel a little cheesy as opposed to some gems we get from Shia improvising. But, there aren’t many other stand-out lines in this one. So, they’ll have to suffice. This pitcher really is doing a crap job though, so they switch him out for Twitty. Something that stands out to me is that Twitty is chilling in the dugout prior to this reading some giant book? Like? Is that supposed to be a joke? It just seems out of character. He should be sitting there — not paying attention, listening to music on his headphones and playing air-guitar or something. Not reading freaking War and Peace.

So... I looked closely. That is a fictional book called “The Brains of Men and Women.” What the heck.

Twitty gets up to pitch for the first time that season and rox everyone’s sox off. (Yeah, I said that.) His stellar performance helps lead LJH to a victory! Artie initially introduced him by saying “Alan throws right, bats left, and lives around the corner from Del’s Pizzeria” which is fantastic. Fun fact: Just because I’m weird, I decided to look up Del’s Pizzeria… and it’s a real family owned and operated restaurant that opened in 1973! AND it’s actually in California! Granted, it’s 4 hours outside of Sacramento… so, if we’re thinking within the shows universe - that’d be a bit of a commute every day for a middle schooler lol. BUT STILL!!! I bet one of the writers or someone involved actually lived around there. Little things like that make me happy.  

Ren and Bobby talk in the hallway and it’s extremely awkward. Ren brings up Canada and how their system of government is similar to America’s. I can’t. To be fair, they haven’t become “official” yet. That actually happens in the following episode! But, I honestly think Ren and Bobby are so uncomfortable to watch sometimes because they simply don’t belong togetherrrrr! (I think I’ve made it clear who I prefer for her.) Well.. that, and they’re in Junior High. Everything about middle school relationships is awkward and I gotta admit again that the Ren/Bobby stuff portrays that pretty accurately. Ruby tells Ren to not say a word the next time they talk and let Bobby take control. Kinda awful advice and gives me Poor Unfortunate Souls vibes… but ok. It works, though! Bobby invites Ren to sit next to him on the bus for their upcoming field trip. Something that bothered me: Ren’s so excited about the invitation that she moves a guy away from his locker to scream into it. The only issue is that it’s HER LOCKER. There’s a crapton of other lockers the extra could’ve used!!

Her locker seen in Season 1. 

The “random guy’s” locker she screamed into. 

Twitty’s super happy about pitching so well. He’s the new star player! Tawny asks “Twitty, how does it feel to be the new sports hero? I mean, not that I’m into sports or anything. I actually find it to be a waste of the human spirit.” I relate to that so much, tbh. But, yeah. It’s all fine and dandy until Louis starts telling Twitty that everything’s different now. That the entire school is counting on him to win all of their games. And here we get one of the most iconic lines of the whole series. Louis explains, “You’re the closer, the man! THE BIG POPPA WITH THE BIG MOPPA!!!!!” (the first gif.) I was so unsure of where to rank this episode, solely because of how memorable this line is. But, one great line doesn’t exactly save this episode from being a little flat otherwise. I had my mom watch it with me today for an outside opinion and she was like “Dang, this one is boring.” Sooo. Yeah.

Anyway, Louis really gets inside Twitty’s head and he starts freaking out during their next game. He’s sweating like a pig and can’t think straight. We see Twitty imagine Louis’ face on the baseball he’s holding, repeating the Big Poppa line. It’s honestly so hilarious seeing Shia’s face on a baseball like that I really cannot handle it. It’s something else that made me want to rank this higher.

Twitty took drugs before this game, right? 

Twitty pitches terribly and throws the ball pretty much everywhere but over the plate. He hits the peanut guy and Artie yells, “Oh! Right in the peanuts! That’s gotta hurt.” — A little cringy. But, Artie said it.. so, it’s ok. He also exclaims “Holy cow! Someone get me a hard hat!” when one of Twitty’s awful pitches knocks over the announcement speakers. I love it. LJH loses 29 to 2. Twitty blames Louis. After this, he starts choking at everyday things! Like pouring milk and putting on deodorant. Tawny and Louis go over to Twitty’s and try to snap him out of it. This is the one time ever in all 65 episodes that we get to see Twitty’s room! It’s on-point with his character, too. Kinda stoner-y, sporty, music-y, but also messy like a slightly neater version of Louis’ room. I like that they actually put thought into how it should look. When Tawny and Louis walk in, Twitty is lying on his bed all depressed. Louis tries to motivate him by screaming and clapping “Ya gotta get up! You got a game this afternoon. UP AND AT ‘EM! Up, up, up! Come on! Let’s get UP!” As if that’s gonna help someone who’s depressed. I love Shia so much.

The two try to help Twitty by giving him jellybeans when he thinks positively about pitching, and forcing him to smell Louis’ dirty socks when he has negative thoughts. At one point Tawny refers to the mound as “that stupid hill thingy.” I relate to her so much this episode. Their plan doesn’t work, so they call in Donnie for help. I really like Donnie. They bring him to Twitty’s room blindfolded and when they take it off he asks “…..where’s the surprise party?!” He’s so innocently dumb. It’s great. Once they fill him in on the situation, he recommends that Twitty relaxes at Big Al’s Spa — a place that once helped relieve him of sport-related stress.

Twitty’s room! (Guitars and surfboards not pictured, lol.)

There’s a 5 second bit I always liked where Louis grabs and eats a jellybean from Tawny and she just gives him this side eye. They’re so cute.

Nelson once again starts screwing things up for Ren. He sits next to her on the bus because according to his mother (and his hypochondria) that seat is the safest and he wants to live. He refuses to move. Wow. But, Ruby ain’t having it. She rearranges the ENTIRE BUS SEAT SCHEDULE in an elaborate plan just to ensure that Ren and Bobby sit together. 

What an inconvenience. 

The first time, something goes wrong and Ruby ends up next to Ren. This pisses me off. WHY COULDN’T SHE JUST SWITCH SEATS WITH BOBBY AFTER THAT?! It’s a very obvious and simple solution. But, no.. they just sit there looking at each other across the bus like “ugh, this is so difficult!1! This is like an impossible algebra problem… how will we ever solve it?! We’re worlds apart! :(“ 

So, instead of switching with Bobby.. She makes the entire bus swap seats again. Oh my god. This time Nelson ends up next to Ren, and Ruby ends up next to Bobby! SHE COULD EASILY JUST SWITCH SEATS WITH REN THIS TIME! But, they just helplessly stare at each other again. Seriously, how difficult is this?! Why couldn’t Ruby get it correct?! 

Thankfully, Nelson actually does something right and gets the brilliant idea to switch seats with Bobby! Wow! Genius! You could’ve done that the first time and saved everyone all the trouble. Jesus. So, yeah. Bobby and Ren get to sit together and they both admit that they get nervous around each other. Which is kind of cute I guess. Then Bobby says he “feels like a little kid again” because he used to get carsick when he was young. He proceeds to throw up into a backpack, lol. This guy is seriously not ~all that.~ Idk what Ren sees in him. He is literally so strange. Classically good looking, maybe. But there’s something off about his character. That’s the end of the subplot.

Twitty, Louis, Tawny and Donnie roll up to Big Al’s Spa and discover that it’s run down now and literally just a mud pit. You’re supposed to relax in the mud as if it’s a hot tub. No, thanks. Twitty really does not want to bathe in dirt either. But Louis says “Twitty, Donnie drove 50 miles… I’m spending $15… YOU’RE GETTIN’ IN THE STINKIN’ MUD!” I just love Shia’s shouty voice. Twitty gets in and they leave him there for an hour. He ends up taking a nap and wakes up super relaxed and refreshed… unfortunately, the mud hardened and he’s stuck.

I love Tawny’s outfit. I would wear that, honestly. I live in my Docs. Tawny is just me today. 

When Louis, Tawny and Donnie come back for him.. Twitty freaks out. He starts screaming “I’m trapped! I’m gonna be trapped here forever! And then I’m never gonna get to see my grandchildren!” Uh, Twitty… I’d be worried about not having your own kids first. It’s pretty funny, though. Twitty takes his anger and frustration out at Louis and yells “I swear to Bob, when I get out of here I’m gonna beat you up for a week!” …Excuse me? “I swear to Bob?!” Who is Bob??? Bob Marley? Bob the Builder? Bob Saget?!?! I mean really, “SWEAR TO BOB”?!?!?! Clearly, I’m assuming Disney can’t say “swear to god.” But, wow. They should’ve had him say something else in that case, because “swear to Bob” just sounds stupid.

Obviously, they’re able to dig Twitty out! As soon as he’s free, he starts throwing mud balls at Louis who hides behind a barrel that just so happens to have a target on it. Without noticing, Twitty hits the bullseye every time. In order to focus that anger during games, they put a picture of Louis inside the Catcher’s glove, haha. Hey, it works though! And according to Artie Ryan, “The Twitty-meister is back.”

It ends with Coach Tugnut relaxing at Big Al’s Spa, per Louis’ recommendation… Except he’s stuck in the hardened mud with no one to dig him out. Oops.

The end!

Like I said last week.. Season 2 is just kinda there. Episodes like this and the other Season 2 episodes that I’ve ranked already are examples of what I mean. There’s just a strange amount of slower, more forgettable episodes imo. Although “The big poppa with the big moppa” definitely helps this one stand out in people’s memories, I think. This one is also a Twitty plot basically! Which is kinda cool! But, ya know.. The show is called Even Stevens and he’s not a Stevens. So the episode as a whole feels a little off because of that. And Ren’s subplot is okay here. I definitely relate to wanting to sit next to your crush on the bus. Again, a very realistic Junior High situation. But, I swear to Bob… (whoever he is) the unnecessary seat rearranging gets on my last nerve!!!

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[kxlinthesky]

Trope Tuesday

Happy Tuesday! My trope this week was “Prince Charming Wannabe”! I’m not sure how well I did it justice, but...well, that’s what TT is for! Experimentation and possible failure! So, for your enjoyment, a piece involving my own characters and setting.

Alan liked to think that after being around his eccentric classmates for a few months, he’d figured out some of their qualities by now. If Rilla wasn’t in her desk ten minutes before class, she was out sick. If Isa came in asking for Adolfo, the latter was in a world of (probably well-deserved) trouble. If Ceres wasn’t making eye contact, best to just leave her alone because she was not above giving people mild food poisoning.

Alan had figured out all of that and more, so when Gideon came bursting into class all sweaty and shouting something in half-gibberish, Alan just assumed that the guy was trying to summon demons again. This was the third time in two weeks.

“Guys! Guys, help! Agkh –”

Gideon barreled straight over to Alan’s area, ignoring Alan’s mild glares and subtle gestures that Gideon shouldn’t come over while he’s in the middle of working on forgotten homework with Rilla and Kam. His classmate, upon arrival, proceeded to slam all four of his hands on their joined desks, rattling Alan’s juice and upsetting a few of Kam’s papers.

Rilla barely glanced up from her work. “What’s the matter, Gideon?” she asked absently. “Ah, wait, Alan, I think this one’s an irregular.”

“Shit. Give it here.”

“Guys! Pay attention to me for a sec!” Gideon raised his four arms only to wave them wildly around his entire person. “Just – listen, you remember that guy I was talking about last Friday?”

“Prime-1, super tall and could probably break you in half?” Kam checked.

“Yeah! Him!”

Prime-1…oh, Alan vaguely remembered that conversation. He’d even seen him crossing campus once – he remembered the guy solely because his curled horns had reflected the sunlight and blinded Alan for a good three minutes.

“He’s after me again, just – hide me if he comes by!” Gideon crouched behind Rilla’s chair, receiving a conciliatory pat on his head from the latter and a barely-concealed snort from Kam. Gideon was far too tall to conceal much of himself behind one of the shortest girls in class, but he got props for effort. “And tell him I don’t wanna talk!”

Alan leaned back in his chair and stared Gideon right in the eyes, making sure his friend could perfectly see his raised eyebrow. “And you can’t do that yourself?”

“No! He doesn’t listen!”

“Okay, so maybe try harder?” Kam suggested lightly. She appeared to have given up completely on the homework; her entire body was leaning over their desks to have a proper conversation with Gideon. Alan could barely extract his worksheet. “Like, just putting this out there, you have electric powers. Give him a good zap and he’ll back off, maybe?”

“Dude, I tried that. I tried that!”

“And he didn’t give up?”

“No!”

“Ouch. You’ve got a masochist on your tail.”

“Guys,” Rilla interjected calmly, “I know this is interesting, but if we don’t get this done by the time lunch is over we’re gonna be in trouble.”

Kam clicked her tongue and leaned back. “Fine.”

The door to the classroom chose that exact moment to bang open. Alan barely suppressed a groan; the Prime-1 swaggered into the room, chin raised and teeth glinting in a proud grin. He could see why Gideon would run from this guy – he wasn’t threatening, necessarily just off-putting with his supposed confidence.

Once the Prime-1 caught sight of their little trio, he strode right over. Alan winced as the sunlight slanting in from the windows caught his horns – why were his horns so goddamn shiny and laser-guided to smack Alan right in his eyeballs? Rilla and Kam seemed fine, the assholes.

“’Scuse me,” the Prime-1 hummed, half-smug smirk tilting from one person to the next. Somehow, he hadn’t noticed Gideon. Alan chanced a glance back – oh, Gideon had crawled underneath the desks. “Name’s Peter. Ya know Gideon, right? This’s his class?”

“Yeah,” Rilla replied. She didn’t bother to look up. “What do you need him for?”

“Just lookin’ for him. I wanted to give him this.”

Alan nearly choked as Peter flourished his wrist to reveal a bouquet so massive it was a shocker anyone let him on campus without questioning it. The thing was half the size of Alan’s body!

“Holy shit, dude, where’d you get those?!” Kam leaped out of her seat and made a grab at the flowers. Leave it to the gardening club member to freak out over flowers. All they did was make Alan’s nose itch. Thankfully, Peter pulled them out of the way of Kam’s mad lunge, and the pollen and nose itch went with it. “Aww, come on, don’t be an ass, I just wanna see! Who’d you have to kill to grow those for you?”

“These ain’t for you,” Peter huffed. Alan didn’t much care for how he emphasized the “you” – Kam took some getting used to, sure, but she wasn’t an asshole like Peter seemed to be. “These’re for Gideon. Now, do you know where he is?”

Kam’s tail rose behind her. Alan shifted away just a hair – he figured she’d never actually do it, but being stung by her tail would hurt like hell. “Hey, buddy, no need to be a dick,” she growled.

“I’m not, I’m just more interested in Gideon than…you all.” Peter’s lip actually curled. Alan had never seen that before. “So? Yes or no? Or have I just wasted my time?”

Rilla grabbed Kam’s arm and forced her to sit back down. “Don’t cause a scene,” she chided her friend. To Peter, she answered, “We haven’t seen him since lunch started. Sorry.”

“Damn. Fine.” Peter stowed his bouquet away – how he had room for that in his bag was anyone’s guess – and marched out of the classroom as pompously as he’d arrived.

Alan whistled as soon as the door swung shut. “He’s an ass.”

“You’re telling me.” Gideon popped up from underneath the desks, sweat glistening on his brow. “I don’t think he’s even all that bad of a guy, he just doesn’t understand the word ‘no.’”

“If he doesn’t understand the word ‘no,’ he’s not a good guy,” Kam retorted, still bristling. “Didn’t even say ‘thanks,’ did you notice? I should go rough him up.”

“No one says ‘rough him up,” Alan muttered.

“I say ‘rough him up,’ so shut up.”

Rilla, Alan noticed, was staring at the door, mouth twisted into a pensive frown. He would’ve asked what she was thinking about, but the bell rang at that exact moment, sending everyone into a scramble to rearrange the desks.

Good thing he’d been doing his homework the whole time Peter had been around. Kam certainly hadn’t, and she had to deal with Miss Millson’s disappointment-fueled lecture.

--

The next day, interestingly enough, Rilla was four minutes later to class than usual. And Ceres, who usually didn’t bother to speak to Alan, greeted him amicably. Gideon came by at lunch to declare that Peter had been sent home for the day because of food poisoning.

Alan would ask if that was legal, or if he should maybe report it to the teachers, but…eh. He figured he’d let it slide just for today.