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lotusprotocol · 8 months ago

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dreamcatcher devlog: past 3 months (oops)

(screenshot from current wip level, out of orbit)

full devlog below the cut!

long time no see! really sorry for missing the past two months; i never ended up getting started and by then it was too late to post. i'll try my best not to let this happen again, though i can't make any promises.

anyways, there's been a lot in the past couple months! without further ado, here's everything(?) that's happened since the last devlog:

i started off in december by getting some of the core mechanics working, such as the camera, level transitions, etc. the visuals aren't completely done yet, but my main priority is getting the mechanics to actually work, and i'll make them look good later.

i did a lot of work on optimizing the performance and build size of my game, which i made a few posts about (big one about build size here)

i made another track for one of the levels, and i think i've been improving at music! here's the audio:

(i also tried making album art later in december but it didn't turn out good so i'll redo it at some point)

one of the most important things i did in december was get playtesters! i made applications open from the 15th to the 22nd, and chose 6 people who submitted. it was hard for me to leave people out though, but applications may be open again sometime in the future.

i set up a daily goals list to put 5 things on every day, and hopefully stay focused. admittedly, it's been a while since i used this list, and i lowkey forgot about it until i looked through my post history before making this devlog, but i think i'll get back into it this month.

i also set up a twitch channel! i'll be streaming over at https://www.twitch.tv/lotus_protocol if you want to check it out!

i was on break for the last week of december, so i was able to get a lot more done in that time. i also got a stylus, which is a really nice upgrade from drawing with my finger before, and did a lot of practice with it.

january didn't start off great, and i barely got anything done over the first couple weeks. i was eventually able to get back in the groove, but i had a sucky feeling during that time since this game's a big part of my life and my mood depends quite a bit on it (in a healthy way though, it's not out of control)

when i came back to working on the game, i polished some stuff up before pushing the first playtester build! i got some valuable advice, and it went pretty good.

i wrote down the outline for the entire story! there's still some wiggle room if i want to go back and change anything, but it's nice to have it down instead of only in my head, and i've wrote the dialogue for a few scenes already.

i've been improving my art a considerable amount over january and february! i've gotten a lot more confident in my art as well, which motivates me more to make it!

(pencil sketch from mid february; there's quite a few mistakes here and there but i still really like it)

i continued working on one of the levels, which was what i did for the rest of the month. not much i can say here, but it's been shaping up pretty good so far!

to be honest, february wasn't a good month for development. i had a lack of motivation and a lot of work to do for other things in my life, and there was barely anything new from last month.

the main thing i did in february was work on the tas tools for the game more, which are coming along nicely. i've been having an issue with consistency and don't know exactly what's causing it, but i'll figure it out eventually.

(unrelated to dreamcatcher but) during february, i took some time to make a side project i had been wanting to do for a long time: an upgraded level editor for red ball, a flash game that i enjoy. there's still plenty of work to do on it, but so far it's pretty nice, and it's not my main focus right now.

(screenshot of the tool, you can find it here it you're interested)

i've also been delaying the next playtester build for a long time, and it was originally supposed to come out at the start of last month; if there's any playtesters reading this, sorry again! i'll hopefully have it done this month.

i finished off february by making some more music! here's a wip from a few days ago:

and that's it for the past 3 months! with all that being said, here's what i plan on doing next month:

get the current wip level done, and hopefully do another full one

finish all story scenes for the demo

push at least two new playtester builds

do some story art if i have time

enjoy the process :]

that's all for this devlog, and if you made it this far, thanks for reading! right now, i'm trying to get the demo out by august this year, so expect to see something done by then. also feel free to join the discord server, where you can get more regular updates, ask me questions, or chat with the community! anyways, signing off now, have a great day!

#dreamcatcher game #devlog #gamedev #indiedev

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ketchupqueenboiiii · 3 years ago

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Damian Wayne with henna tattoos, so precious

like I've learnt that that they aren't strictly religious, so I'm just imagining Damian getting bored at the manor and not feeling like video games or training (since he has the option not to) and just sketching smaller designs in a not book and imagining what they would look like on him and an idea sparks when he remembers a picture of his mother when she was younger with henna tattoos and like Titus I know what we're going to do today.

So he tells Alfred he's going to take Titus out for a walk in a small park near the 99 ranch of Gotham or something. Alfred drops him off and after a few minutes he walks to the local Asian market (idk if Gotham has a Chinatown)

He finds some henna tattoo kits but gets distracted and ends up buying a shit ton of stuff while he's high on nostalgia. (like those lychee and coconut jelly things and some fresh taho, maybe even some halo-halo syrup mix (these are filipino foods i know but im typing hungry and i have a headcanon that the league was pretty diverse so he probably tried dozens of different cuisines)) so Alfred questions the bags when he picks up Damian and Titus (who probably got a treat too.)

Damian just says he and Titus went for a snack and continued slurping down the taho juices

When he gets home Bruce raises an eyebrow at the bags but Alfred just said Damian shopped hungry so he left it alone.

So now Damian is in his room setting out the designs and contemplating which to start. He chose to draw on his left fore arm and back hand since he has armor there and its not likely that it'll be revealed in a fight.

During the wait time he just watches tv or something while trying to show restraint with those jelly things.

As he admires his handy work he gets all giddy like, wow this looks good and he's all proud of himself and he's in a really good mood for the rest of the day.

Damian keeps it from Bruce because he sits on Bruce's left and subtly keeps his sleeves down and his palm always facing Bruce

But at the next (mandatory) family dinner, whoever sits next to Damian on his left, im gonna say steph, points it out

Steph: omg, is that a tattoo?!

Bruce and Dick have tiny heart attacks right there and everyone's eyes bulge out a little

Damian, a bit self conscious, gets a little defensive: Likely not the kind you're thinking of. It's a henna tattoo

Steph: Ooh, do me next!

everyone kind of forgets dinner and just passes Damian's arm around the table (as in pulling him around the table) the next morning everyone gets a little something something, other than Bruce. Who, against his not tattoos rule, got a intricate hand design to show off at his next gala

so Im just saying henna tattoo damain wayne is a breeding ground for batfam fluff

he's just so pure

#dc #damian wayne #henna tattoo fluff #damian al ghul

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jokertrap-ran · 3 years ago

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(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Main Story Chapter 2-5: 时间针脚 The Patchwork of Time Translation

“What are you standing around in a stupor for? See a ghost?”

*Light and Night Master-list *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *Main story tag will be #For Light and Night

Behind the glass wall were several blurry figures busying around.

MC: This should be Team A's area.

Mya had suddenly called a few minutes ago to give me directions to the place I was supposed to report to.

I ran what I was going to say to everyone, in the form of an introduction, through my head once more before gently clearing my throat and opening the door.

❖☆———————————★❖

MC: Hello everyone, I'm—

Thunk!

The sound of metal heavily hitting the floor cut my words short as the handle of the door completely fell off.

MC: !?

Did I break it? No way! I broke the office's door on my first day here!?

I didn't quite know what to do for a while. One of the figures closest to the door turned slightly around at the noise.

He had a head full of spiky hair, like that of a hedgehog. He didn't spare even a glance at the door handle; instead, his gaze fell directly upon my person. He shot up from the seat of his workstation.

??: Yoooooou!!

MC: Sorry! It wasn't on purpose, I swear!

??: You're the newcomer that's supposed to be coming in today, right? Sister Zheng Lin, we've got an extra hand!

He excitedly yelled at the other end of the office.

This isn't quite turning out like how I imagined it to be...

Summoned by his yell, a plump woman speed-walked towards us. Her smile was friendly, but there was a sort of unconcealable exhaustion marring her features.

Zheng Lin: Hello. Welcome to Team A. I'm the leader, Zheng Lin.

MC: Hello. Um… I accidentally broke your door handle just now… Sorry…

??: Aw, that thing's been dead half a month ago. We just didn't have time to call someone down to fix it. Don't mind it, yeah?

??: C'mere. I'll bring you to your workstation. Your stuff looks pretty heavy. I'll take it for you, yeah?

He enthusiastically takes the office appliances I'd brought in from my hands and continues walking straight ahead.

Zheng Lin: That works too. I'll leave you to bring her around to meet the others then, Brother Mao. I'll come over once I'm finished up here.

I nodded, following after "Brother Mao".

Brother Mao: I'm Mao Ge, but you can call me Brother Mao! The best rock singer among all Designers here!

He grinned, pulling out a chair and gesturing for me to sit. He then magicked out a rag from god-knows-where and quickly gave the table a wipedown.

Brother Mao: You were 2nd place in the contest, right? We all watched the broadcast; it was absolutely brilliant.

Brother Mao: Especially when you chose Director Qi of all people. Boy, that was a killer! How did you dare to pick him?

Brother Mao: Forget his face, even his breath alone is an icy sub-zero.

Brother Mao: Ever seen an iron tree bloom? I'd say even that's slightly more common than seeing Director Qi smile.

Brother Mao: I'm not talking about his cold smiles, of course. We see that way too often.

MC: Eh? … I just thought getting him to review my work was a rare chance that I couldn't pass up on.

Brother Mao: You go, girl! Looks like we've finally got a competent person in Team A! Feel free to ask me anything if you face any problems in the future! I've gotcha covered!

He grinned, patting himself on the chest to further emphasize his point. He'd already assembled and laid out all of my office appliances on the table at some point in our conversation.

Brother Mao: Alright, everyone! Put everything down. Let me introduce to you our new buddy, (Y/n)!

All the people around me nodded in greeting as Brother Mao introduced them to me one-by-one.

Brother Mao: The one dressed in a Cheongsam is Li Man'man. She came here a minute earlier than you and braved through 3 interviews just to enter Warson.

Li Man'man: Hi, nice to meet you.

Brother Mao: And that's Chen Che, our team's tailoring genius. He's been here for nearly 4 years and has just been promoted to a Senior Designer.

The guy named Chen Che raised his head from the multitude of fabric surrounding him. He adjusted his glasses and gave me a wary look.

Chen Che: Hello.

It was at this moment in time that a guy sporting a quiff hairdo walked past us. His head was haughtily raised and his expression was one of utter disdain.

Man With Quiff Hairstyle: Hmph.

MC: And he is…?

Brother Mao: Don't mind him. He's an annoyance. He just failed the promotion test and is being the green-eyed monster to everyone right now.

I only nodded, not knowing what to say.

Brother Mao: That one over there's Hao Shuai, the trendsetter of Team A and also the King of Werewolf games.

Hao Shuai: Wanna play Werewolf? I'll host one next time, but not now...

Hao Shuai buried his face with a sullen expression as Brother Mao quietly pulled me aside to a corner.

Brother Mao: He's not been in too jolly of a mood these few days. He didn't manage to get promoted to Senior Designer, so he's been pretty depressed about it.

MC: Sounds like it's very hard to get promoted up a rank...

Brother Mao: Precisely! Although Warson has a rank promotion system in place, the way things are being assessed in them makes it scarily hard! People normally have to do it five or six times before they manage to get themselves promoted.

Brother Mao: And, you might even get demoted a rank if the work you turn in doesn't make the cut!

MC: That strict!?

Brother Mao: I'm a Junior Designer like you. I've already taken the assessment around…

Zheng Lin: 10 times.

Brother Mao: You remember all so well, Sister Zheng Lin.

He gallantly retrieved another chair for Zheng Lin to sit on, seemingly paying no heed to the embarrassing number of tries he'd gone through.

Brother Mao: Don't they say that failure's the mother of success? I just have to get a couple more of those and it'll net me a great success!

I laughed at his joke along with Zheng Lin.

Zheng Lin: Our assessment system is just stricter than others.

Zheng Lin: Even though everyone is free to design whatever they like with their creativity as the limit, becoming an actual Fashion Designer is some serious business.

Zheng Lin: Those capable of joining us here in Warson are all talented individuals. Hence, what's really being tested in those assessments are your passion and perseverance.

Zheng Lin: I've welcomed hundreds upon hundreds of rookies during my 10 years here in Team A, but most of them drop out after failing the assessment 3-4 times.

MC: Eh?

Zheng Lin: Firstly, everyone who first comes here holds high self-esteem, so they're a bit more sensitive to criticism. And it is only natural for people to find it unbearable, especially after having been criticized a lot.

Zheng Lin: Secondly, there's a limit to the type of jobs that can be given to Assistants and Junior Designers, so things often end up being boring and repetitive

Zheng Lin: It's hard to go on like that if you don't have the right sort of determination.

MC: ……

Zheng Lin was about to say more when the door slammed open with a "bang!". Several people stood at the entrance, worry written all over their anxious faces.

Colleague A: Can someone consolidate all of Sliver's Autumn-Winter fabrics into a document?

Colleague A: I still have to go down to the mall and conduct surveys and research so I won't be able to do that in time!

Colleague B: Some trouble cropped up regarding the visas of the foreign models who're slated for a shoot next week, so we need another 18 new ones!

Colleague B: What should I do, Sister Zheng Lin!?

Zheng Lin gave a helpless sigh.

Zheng Lin: I'd originally wanted you to let you get used to things around here, but we have our hands full… Do you mind helping us?

MC: … Sure thing!

Zheng Lin: Then, could you first help us by going to the warehouse and picking up Silver's Autumn-Winter fabrics and consolidating them into a sample book after?

Zheng Lin: You can get Brother Mao to help you check it through once you're done.

I nodded and joined the fray.

Time went by. And finally, I finished my very first task after an hour. Brother Mao told me to take it up to the Team A representative who was in the meeting after checking through it.

❖☆———————————★❖

It was clearly noon soon, yet the doors of the meeting rooms on both sides of the corridor were still tightly shut, I could occasionally hear the sound of loud discussions coming from within.

❖☆———————————★❖

MC: Excuse me, I'm here to deliver the fabric samples.

Pushing the door open, I saw a Designer who was in the middle of loudly explaining his idea while Sariel held a pen, looking down at the document in his hand.

All the other Designers were either listening intently or hurriedly sketching out their new ideas, having been struck by a sudden wave of inspiration. It was almost as if the very air itself was crackling with ideas, going head to head with each other, gathering and merging into a brand new storm of ideas.

I’m going to be taking part in meetings with everyone in the future too… I couldn’t help but jump for joy at the exciting notion.

Placing the fabric catalogue book down, I couldn’t stop myself from taking one last glance at the meeting room before I left.

❖☆———————————★❖

Brother Mao: Oh, right. Don't forget to retrieve the catalogue book once the meeting upstairs is done.

MC: Okay.

❖☆———————————★❖

Everyone left after the meeting ended. I picked up the scattered pieces of fabric, stacking them neatly into a pile. It was only then that I noticed a pen lying on the ground.

The pitch-black pen was see-through, slender, and sturdy, with three gold-stamped petals at the very end.

MC: This is...

An image of Sariel wielding this pen with his head bowed in thought appeared in my mind.

MC: Is this pen his? It certainly suits that icy countenance of his...

❖☆———————————★❖

I bent down to pick it up, but the moment my fingers brushed against it… I suddenly felt an inexplicable sharp jolt of pain piercing my head.

My heart clenched violently, almost as if a nightmare that had been buried deep within its depths was about to be awakened. The stifling feeling of sadness and despair washed over me together with the odd feeling of my heart having been impaled by something.

What’s going on?

I pressed against my chest, trying to get through this sudden bout of pain that came out of seemingly nowhere.

Sariel: What's going on here?

There seems to be a faint voice ringing through my ears. The pen was taken away from me the next moment. Gone with it were the odd sensations.

I blearily looked at Sariel who had suddenly popped up from nowhere, still slightly woozy in the head.

Sariel: What are you standing around in a stupor for? See a ghost?

MC: I don't know what happened to me earlier…

Sariel: That's what I'd like to ask you.

☆Light Choice: Explain what you felt earlier

I shook my head, trying to recall that odd sensation you felt earlier.

MC: I… My chest and head just suddenly started hurting.

MC: I know I’m in the meeting room right now, but it kind of felt as if I wasn’t here at the same time…

MC: Like a nightmare, you can never wake up from…

Sariel’s expression changed minuscule bit upon hearing the word “nightmare”.

Sariel: How about now?

MC: I'm fine now, and the uncomfortable feeling's also gone.

Sariel: Has this happened before?

MC: Once…?

★Night Choice: Conceal what you felt earlier

MC: I just felt a little light-headed… I'm okay now.

MC: Oh, right. I picked up your pen.

I pointed towards the pen that he'd already reclaimed, which was now in his hand. Sariel only frowned.

Sariel: You felt light-headed after picking up this pen?

It was only when he mentioned it that I realized that that seemed to be the case. But what would a pen have anything to do with a bout of dizziness?

Sariel coldly grabs my hand, making my heart stop cold in my chest. However, all he did was stare at it in silence for a few seconds before releasing me just as quickly.

MC: What are you looking at? Is there something wrong with my hand?

Sariel: Nothing. It's well and fine.

What's up with Sariel? Grabbing my hand out of nowhere like that and not even telling me the reason why...

So, I ended up giving my hand a thorough check as well. There was nothing off about it, but I couldn't help feeling a little worried.

I'd also experienced some "auditory hallucinations" back then at the rooftop…

MC: Maybe I should go get myself a check-up at the hospital just in case…

Sariel: You look pretty peppy on your feet to me. Doesn't seem like there's anything physically wrong about you.

His gaze smoothly slides up from my face to the top of my head as he spoke.

Sariel: Though, I can't say the same about the other parts of you.

MC: ……!

I was fuming, yet I didn't dare to express it with a vehement glare. Seeing how riled up I was at it, yet unable to do anything about it, a flicker of a smirk made its way up to a corner of his mouth.

This was my second time seeing him smile today�� The iron tree has bloomed…

Sariel: Are there flowers growing on my face?

I shook my head.

Sariel: A ghost then?

I shook my head again.

Sariel: Then why are you looking at me as if you've just seen a monster?

MC: You just smiled. It's too rare of a sight.

Sariel: … How stupid.

He put on a straight face as he pocketed his pen and turned to head out.

Suddenly remembering something, I hurriedly pushed the door open and ran after him.

MC: Wait a minute, Director Qi! Are you free right now?

❖☆————— ⊹ For Light & Night⊹ —————★❖

Previous Part: (Chapter 2-3) | Next Part: (Chapter 2-8)

#光与夜之恋 #Light and Night #Otome #Translations #Tencent #萧逸 #Osborn #齐司礼 #Sariel #陆沉 #Evan #查理苏 #Charlie #夏鸣星 #Jesse #For Light and Night

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go-learn-esperanto · 3 years ago

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Survey answers until now:

This was so fun. There are a lot of answers and that's pretty pog! I'm not gonna include everyone but I assure you I've been reading all of them.

Edit: the resolution was awful. Sorry about that. Updated version now! :)

Now the text answers my beloved <3

Here are some of my favourites!

Mumza. On accident.

How do you cosplay on accident? 👁️👁️

Phil and say it's Urahara

200 IQ play right here

none but i wanted to tell you its not much better. im going as a Supernatural character smh

We really are on Tumblr.com

im doing rivals duo with my friend =]

cc!Ranboo basically. now it just sounds weird. I mean who dresses up as irl celebrities and not the roles they play? man. it just sounds cringe now

I'm gonna throw on a green hoodie, say I'm dream and call it a day B)

Put a plastic plate on it too and it's complete

I have a half-made Ranboo cosplay, but I'm also too old lol

DO IT. I don't care. Even if it's just for you to wear at home. Do it. Nobody it's too old to dress as things they like!

tubbo :D (not 2 self promo but ill be posting pics @starbug.png on insta 👀)

Check them out! :)

There's a bunch of Wilbur/Ghostbur cosplayers. I love you and the Grisn cosplayer very parasocially.

Also the Mumza cosplayers

I got my ex into mcyt a day or so before we broke up because he started to ignore me > - >

Well... That's.

Figured out one of my besties is into it bc I saw a sketch of the Llama Line by L'Targay

One of my irl friends is an OG dsmp fan, she was there the very first stream. It’s just fun to talk to her about stuff.

A group of 17 year old boys called me cringe at the publix selfcheckout bc of my quackity shirt and i laughed so hard that they got confused like. its not bullying if theyre right

This one. This one has to be my favourite. That's the spirit.

There is a girl in my class who I talked to very little. We were supposed to do an assignment based on a hobby we liked, so I chose MINECRFAT. After I presented this, she approached me after class and said she liked my presentation. She showed me some of her dsmp drawings, like the realistic ones based off photos. She fucking amazing at it and they’re incredible

i was having a rlly bad day at school and in maths class(my last hour of the day)my teacher started playing jump in the cadillac and i just started crying

I really don't want to laugh at your suffering but damn that's hilarious from the outside. I hope you're doing better now tho 💜

i showed my mom a ranboo video and accidentally reviled that i stole almost his every one of his speech patterns

In class, a guy compliments my Ranboo hoodie. I look at his hoodie and he’s wearing a Wilbur one. I compliment his as well. A girl nearby stands up and looks at us. She is wearing a Quackity hoodie. Somehow the universe has placed three Dream SMP fans together in the same class. The best part is you would never know we were fans without our merch. We could be anyone. We walk amongst the living

That makes me want to buy merch so bad

last night I wrote penis smp fanfic while sitting right next to my mom who doesn't think I swear. she could have looked at my screen at any time.

Asked “does a historical speech from a minecraft roleplay count?” For a kinetic typography assignment

Wrote a lyrical analysis on the l’manburg theme for a school project

the reason i didn't answer "mumbo jumbo" to the philza's wife question is because mumbo jumbo is too busy being a gay whore in last life. he's gay married but also flirts with every man he comes across

True. Absolutely true.

I literally saw an anti vaxxer on tumblr talking about how it's bad that Tommy and tubbo have to get vaccinated just to see each other irl

!! i have a VERY IMPORTANT FACT: niki nihachu <3 also dsmp women in general,, hannah niki puffy tina collab when pls give it to me its all i want in life,,,,,, also unrelated but im in a musicy mood listen to romance by yoasobi and watch the video trust me its stunning :]

Watched it! Really cool visuals! The music just brings me back to my VOCALOID fandom fase (not that is possible to love the VOCALOID fandom completly though. I definitely haven't.)

I’m making a Wilbur soot animatic based on The Fall by lovejoy and I hope I can get it finished by the 16th !!

Good luck!!! That's awesome!

im in this hellhole more than 1 year how am i still alive akpqpqlajwhoq give money

I have exactly one irl friend who watches dsmp n I'm the one who got her into it >:]

Evil >:]

"Im not gay I just can't read" - Jack Manifold

i just want to know why ranboo was at the red banquet, dressed up and wearing a blindfold . w h y

i can't wait for big lore to come back djfjdkkf

Same

Why must life give its hardest battles to its weakest warriors

Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Please help okay so the problem is "Let P be the set of all people who have ever lived and define a relation R on P as follows: for every r and s that are elements or P, rRs <-> r is an ancestor of s or r =s. Is R a partial order relation? Prove or give a counter example." It's definitely reflexive ince when s=r then s=r which is true. It isn't symmetrical since that would be weird as hell, I mean a grandparent cannot be the grandchild of their own grandchild that would fuck up the family tree even more than the DSMPs but like, how do I prove that mathematically? Like, if rRs and sRr then r = s but "if person A is either a grandparent or the same person as person B and person B is either the grandparent or the same person as person A then person A is person B" just feels like a weird sentence.

Just did the Komaeda checklist for c!Wilbur...

I don't wanna know. (I kinda do actually)

Catch me dual-wielding Hermitcraft and the Dream SMP… call me Hannah Montana cause I’m the best of both worlds

Same. Same. Call me Ariana Griande because I'm a-grian with you.

i just saw a post. soon, we will have enough tommy father figures for a mamma mia! au.

Months before I got into DSMP I had an internet friend interested in it and I was like "lol, nice, but could never be me" because I had gotten out of my 2016-2018 MCYT phase not that long ago at that point and didn't think I'd go back... Well...

ldshadowlady is a goddess amongst us all and we should recognize her as such.

True

HMMM well i messed up my eyeliner which has made me quite sad

Mumbo Jumbo could steal anyone’s wife

I always talk about wanting to bake bread again but I keep procrastinating. Same goes for writing fanfiction and stuff too. I have countless abandoned fics across all of the platforms I'm on, plus about ten that never made it out of Google docs or pure writer. I think I have a bit of a problem lol

I can assure you're not the only one. 👁️👄👁️

We all suffer from the procrastination problem. Don't put yourself down too much ok? You're doing that for yourself and if you don't feel like doing it then you don't feel like doing it. 💜

Wilbur with wings is unappreciated especially when you consider all the cool headcanons you can have for what they'd be like after his revival like skeleton wings or phantom wings or only wings DreamXD can see. Also ghostbur w/ blue melting/ evaporating wings *longing sigh*

That's pretty cool!

I figured out I was fine with any pronouns by brainstorming self insert dream smp fanfic

I have a huge crush on quackity

This one broke me and I don't know why. Every time I look at it I start laughing my ass off.

I got into it because of Woe to the People of Order

Oh, woe to thee, ye people of order

I hope your homes continue to smolder

And that you never rise again

And woe to those that called me a friend~

That's a badass way to join a fandom

I just miss Ghostbur man

Don't we all? (っ.❛ ᴗ ❛.)っ Have some blue

#mcyt #dream smp #dream smp survey #survey #mcytblr #There have been so many more between compiling all of this...#long post

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1899-newsboy-strike · 5 years ago

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The Unexplainable Pt 2 - A Twilight Love Triangle

The Unexplainable Masterlist

A/N: Just a quick disclaimer, if you see this story on Wattpad under the same title, it is not a copy or I’m not trying to copy it, it is my story from over three years ago that I am just rewriting and actually finishing Also rewriting this made me realize I used to never use punctuation for dialogue and always used the word “said” and I also always tried making my characters clairvoyant for some reason. This part also just has so much self projection from younger me

Warnings: bullying

Summary: The back stabber

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Once you got home you got your things from your car and went straight up to your room. You got your homework done as quick as you could, and started working on your art project. You had to be done by the end of the month, and you wanted to work as much as you could because you wanted it to be perfect. The teacher said that it had to be something from our imagination, and it could be anything you wanted, so you chose a wolf. You didn't know why, but you felt like that's what you needed to draw. You heard Bella's truck pull up in the driveway, and you quickly got up to lock your door. You sat down again continuing to sketch the wolf, when you heard your door knob jiggle followed by a knock on my door.

"Hey Cassie can I come in?" You heard Bella ask from the other side of the door.

"No Bella, I'm kind of busy with something for school and I can't have any distractions, sorry!" You called out, continuing what you were doing before.

You technically weren’t lying, because you really did want to get a lot of detail into your project, but you also didn’t want to talk to her if she's going to talk about you behind your back, and act like she didn't do anything when you are at home. You were almost done with half of the sketch, and by that time it was already one in the morning, so you decided it was time to go to sleep before you had to go to school. You woke up four hours later, getting lunch ready for school and dressing in whatever you grabbed out of your closet. You grabbed an apple on the way out the door, eating it on your way to school.

You’d always been the first one there, which you were more than okay with. You usually stayed in your car reading a book, so you didn’t mind not having the chaos of a crowded parking lot. You got out of your car and went to your first class when you heard the bell ring, pulling your attention away from the book in your hand, and you couldn’t help but hope today would be better than yesterday. You couldn't help but notice Bella with her group of friends when you walked by her car. She didn't even give a second glance at you when she saw you, and you felt like you shouldn't have even been there. If your own sister couldn't even accept you in front of people, then maybe you were a mistake.

You walked by the Cullen's and couldn’t help but notice Jasper staring at me with what seemed like pity. You couldn’t help but feel confused, knowing it must have been your imagination. When you were about to look away, you felt a tear run down your cheek and whipped it away quickly, looking down and continuing your walk to class. As usual you sat down in the back and just listened quietly while the teacher was talking about equations you already knew the answers to. You heard laughing and whispering before suddenly there was a paper was thrown on your desk. You unfolded it and it read, 'No one likes you, you freak go kill yourself. You're just a mistake that your parents probably didn't want to make.' As the day went on you got more notes, and your mood just got worse by the time lunch came. You were sitting at the lunch table, picking at your food, thinking about what everyone had been telling you today. You suddenly felt a wave of what felt like happiness or joy wash over you, but just as soon as it came, it was gone. You shook your head to clear the confusion, putting your head in your hands.

Unknowing to you, the Cullens were sat across the cafeteria, their full attention on you. Jasper could feel your emotions the most out of anyone in the cafeteria, and it caught the attention of everyone sitting around him. Rosalie had also taken a liking to you, despite your blue and red eyes, you had reminded her of her younger sister. It had been her idea for Jasper to use his gift on you, but when they saw it backfire, every single one of them was even more confused by you than before.

You couldn't take how you were feeling anymore and shot up out of my seat getting your stuff hurrying toward the trash can throwing your things away, going to my last period of the day, art. You had debated whether or not to skip that period since you had already finished the sketch, and just needed to paint it, but you decided to stay. You let out a sigh when you sat down in your spot, and got out black paint, painting the wolf as realistic as you could. Once the bell rang you had surprisingly finished and handed the finished piece to your teacher, turning in the assignment early. After you were done talking to the teacher you headed home the day never leaving your mind.

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It had been almost a week and everything had gotten worse, and you didn't know how much more of this you could take. You’d been dealing with it for too long, and you didn’t have any control over it. You’d been crying yourself to sleep every night, trying to keep quiet so your dad and Bella don't hear and ask questions. You've had depression ever since middle school when everyone started bullying you about your eyes. You wore sunglasses most of the time which was weird because Forks wasn’t sunny, but you thought it was better than people seeing your eyes.

You let out a sigh, getting up from your bed since you couldn't get any sleep the night before and when you looked in the mirror and your eyes were still puffy from crying so you splashed water on your face hoping that would do something and started heading down to school. Once it was lunch you sat down eating and drawing whatever came to mind. After you were done, you looked at it and got confused. You’d drawn two sets of eyes, one was red and the other was a sort of golden color. You looked down at the picture confused before turning the page, drawing something else. This time it was a picture of someone but you couldn't really tell who it was.

"So Bella, your sister seems to be getting weirder lately." You heard one of Bella's friends say. You had been fed up with them talking poorly about you, but you were too scared to ever say anything so all you could do was sit and listen.

"Yeah she just doesn't fit in, she belongs in a circus or something am I right?" Bella joked and that got all her friends laughing. You looked down at your lap feeling the tears start to stream down my face.

Before you could even think about what to do, the bell rang and you headed off to art. Instead of going to art you just sat on the steps outside of school and rested your head on the side of the steps. You silently cried to yourself because you knew the bell would ring soon, and you weren’t going to let anyone see you cry so you hid your face. The stairs were pretty long so you weren't really taking up space, and if you wanted to go home you could just get up and walk to your car since you were right in front of the parking lot. You heard the bell ring and you let out a quiet squeak shaking. You heard footsteps from people walking by and heard various comments. 'Freak' 'Weirdo' 'Mistake' 'Go kill yourself' etc.

You heard what sounded as if they were walking together not like the bundle of kids earlier. You moved closer to the side of the wall, shaking trying not to let out a sob waiting for whoever was walking to tell you something. You heard some of the footsteps continue but one stopped and stayed. You waited for whoever it was to tell me something but to your surprise they didn't. The person suddenly sat down beside you making you flinch when they put a hand on your back. You looked to your right a little to see who it was, and saw Rosalie.

"Hey, why are you crying?" Rosalie asked. You just stared at her, not knowing what to say. You just shook your head, looking forward, not wanting to say anything. "Well Y/N, my family and I were wondering if you would like to come home with us because we wanted to talk to you about something." She explained. You thought about it for a while and you guess it wouldn't hurt.

"I g-guess so" You stuttered out, and as you said that there was a screeching making your head shoot up to see what was going on.

Your sister was about to be hit by a car and you didn't feel worried one bit. You actually didn't feel anything. You felt numb and you just laid your head on the side of the brick wall closing your eyes. Before you knew it you were in a house you’d never been in before, and were surrounded by the Cullen's. You looked around and the room alone was huge and you couldn’t help but wonder what the rest of it looked like.

"Hey Y/N, you fell asleep and you were coming here with us anyway so we just brought you with us." Rosalie explained, making you look over at her. You nodded and looked around at the Cullen family silently, not being able to find your voice. "What we wanted to tell you will have to wait until my dad gets home from work. Don't worry, I texted your dad and told him that you were going to spend the weekend with us and he was excited that you were making friends, so he said that it was fine and that he'd see you when you got home on Monday." Rosalie continued and you nodded again.

When Jasper sat down on the couch next to you, you looked up at him. You looked in his eyes and suddenly images flashed before yours. It was of Jasper, but it looked like it was a long time ago. When you saw an image where he had been bit by something you flinched, and suddenly saw that he had red eyes, along with the many people around him. You almost felt crazy, feeling as though you were seeing things.

"You're not seeing things." Edward explained, popping out of nowhere. You jumped from surprise, looked at him not knowing what he’d meant.

"What do you mean?" You asked, looking at everyone around the room.

"Let's sit down Y/N." Carlisle explained when he walked into the room, taking off his coat before sitting across from you. "We’re all vampires, and we may or may not know why your eyes are different colors, and we’re trying to figure that out. I'm looking into it to see what I can find out. Some of us have gifts. Edward can read minds, Jasper can feel and manipulate emotions, and Alice can see the future." Carlisle explained, making you nod in understanding. You couldn’t have helped but think it was cool, and Edward laughed making you glare at him.

"Don't go through my thoughts or..." You paused for a little thinking. "I'll try to find a way to kill you if you do." You continued, laying back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling closing your eyes. You felt eyes on you, and looked up at everyone staring at you. "What?" You asked.

"Well you took us being vampires pretty well." Alice explained making you shrug. You laid my head on the side of the couch closing your eyes once again.

"I'm weird, you're weird. We're all weird here." You explained not being bothered.

"Come on Y/N, you're sleeping in Emmet and Rosalie's room since that's the only one that really has a bed." You heard someone say making you sigh.

"But I don't even have any clothes to sleep in." You mumbled tiredly as you started falling asleep on the couch.

"That's fine, we'll find something, come on." Alice said excitedly.

"Give me a minute." You mumbled, falling asleep before you could stop yourself.

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Tag List: Let me know if you would like to be tagged in this series

@kettnerjanea @itsalonelygirlinalonelyworld @autumnpauley20 @thot-for-mikehanlon

#twilight #twilight imagine #twilight x reader #bella swan x sister reader #swan reader #swan!reader #seth clearwater #seth clearwater x reader #seth #alec #alec volturi #alec x reader #alec volturi x reader #seth x reader #the unexplainable series

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kittymaverick · 4 years ago

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Mystery Case Files 21: The Harbinger commentary and review, part 2.

outSpoiler free review first: Holy SHIT GRANDMA studios, talk about knocking the ball out of the park. Not only was that a solid good MCF game to start off with, you’ve now set up the expectation for the next game so high, I’m honestly a little afraid for you. Like... do you know how high the bar is now that you’ve hinted about the content of the next game? Right, coming back to Harbinger for a second. Barring one tiny little slip up which I think was just something that got lost in translation (English is like that), the lore of MCF managed to stay intact, which needs to be applauded. At one point, I almost questioned if there might be almost too many references, especially with that happens to the references in the game itself. (Yes, I, the MCF nerd and fanatic, actually had that thought). I still flip-flop a bit on whether this was a good execution, or a good but shaky execution. For one thing, the way it’s executed... wow, that’s some heavy stuff emotionally. Which is why I’m questioning if that’s “good”, because I suppose there was a line of emotional heaviness I didn’t expect we’ll cross in MCF, but GRANDMA took it there. And so far... part of me is guiltily okay with it, but wow... The studio’s art style does suggest that a detraction from from MCF’s usual Elizabethan English Horror Story with a side of Soul Steampunk and Celtic Druidism would not necessarily be a bad thing. That GRANDMA chose otherwise though, and stuck with a very, very MCF story (albeit more limited to the Celtic legends part), takes guts. What I do wish we’ll get, after the next game, is a story line that’s a GRANDMA original, sort of like Eipex’s the Black Veil, because I think the studio has potential in creating something that’s more them without pulling away too much from MCF. Anyway, that’s the spoiler free review part. Back to my spoiler filled commentary!

Aisling: I know I act suspicious, but I’m just a psychic! MD: I know I’m just a detective, but people keep dying around me, so hey, we’ve got that in common. Aisling: James gave me this cube by the way-- huh? *Emblem of MD appears* ...I’m sorry, that ancient celtic emblem... has a bloody hat. It has a bloody hat. I’m DYING.

Realized I jumped back too far to do this retroactive commentary. Oops.

MD: Okay, well, maybe he isn’t dead yet. We could probably dig him out-- *Nigel turns to bone* MD: ...Never mind. He’s beyond saving. Someone get the coroner!

Six thousand mirrors in the room, and not one shows your face. MD: A technique I have perfected over the two decades of my career. Didn’t save you from getting married to a homicidal madman though. MD: ...I don’t think he picked me because of my looks to begin with.

...Hey MD, I know paper work wasn’t exactly involved and all, but did you actually divorce Charles, or did you just betray him? MD: *DEATH GLARE* You know what, pretend I never asked. MD: You’d better.

MD: Let’s see what skeletons Nigel has in his closet. You know, the last time you found skeletons in a closet, quite literally... MD: Shut up, I was trying not to think about that! (This happened in Key to Ravenhearst. The Skeleton was Charles and Victor.)

Okay, so James was a MCF fanboy, Marge you met on one of your American trips, Nigel was a Fate Carney, John worked on a restored Ravenhearst. I don’t want to say her Majesty might have under exaggerated the number of keywords there were going on here... MD: Oh no, she definitely made it out to be less important than it seemed. She also definitely sent me in because the report she’s going to get out of this is going to be spectacular. The idea that HRM might be the ultimate MCF fan in-universe tickles me with delight. MD: And fills me with utter dread.

Nigel’s shadow puppet theatre: I got fired from the carnival! Boo! MD: Nigel, getting fired from Fate’s Carnival probably saved your ass. Temporarily, until whatever is going on here got you. MD: .................... What? Oh... MD: Yeah. Oh geez I’m looking forward to the case after this now! 8D MD: Why is it that the more I’m tortured, the more gleeful you are?

*Telephone rings* MD: Hello? Marge: HELP ME SOMETHING IS HERE AAAAHHH Well shit. MD: Yeah, she’s done for. Let’s go see the body.

*Gibs collects collectibles before going to body* *I die laughing because that’s my priority too*

MD: Oh no Marge I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you in time... ...Yeah right, says the person who doesn’t want to get their hand on the black stuff. MD: Look, my sorrow doesn’t in anyway override my desire for hygiene, okay? Reminds me of that one time I called some detectives from the last century dandies for refusing to stick their hand into a barrel of rainwater...

MD can I point out how you’re making detailed sketches of MARGE’S BODY in your journal? MD: Look it’s this or pyromania, okay? Don’t judge me. Also, I’m starting to think people that meet you on your cases shouldn’t bother locking their diaries. You always manage to crack them open.

Marge: Oh James is such a darling, I should get him to marry my daughter, then I’ll be such a happy mother-in-law. .............................. MD: ...................... Well, um, I guess Marge was a cougar on the inside, maybe? MD: Yeah, let’s phrase it like that (Restrain desire to make crude NSFW jokes...)

Marge: DAMN THAT GIRL FOR STEALING MY BOY. Marge, seriously, there’s officer Davis. I’m sure he’s just as nice! MD: And not on anyone’s death list. For now. MD: Don’t say that...

Davis: Well, I guess that’s one more evidence against Aisling. HOLD IT! MD: This note here shows clearly that Marge intended to frame Aisling for an attack on her! And the diary entries clearly document how much she hates the suspect. Therefore, the evidence shouldn’t be permissible-- Davis: Yeah, but Marge is dead, and there really isn’t anyone else in town left. *Record scratch* MD: ....It could be... you? Davis: Harhar, look here’s the evidence, go talk to Aisling. MD: Urgh, fine. It’s okay, MD, I was rooting for you there at least!

Aisling: Death, death is all around us! *Flees* MD: Okay, Aisling, that’s really not helping and only making you more suspicious! But since you’re away, I’m going to rifle through your trailer. Um, now who’s suspicious???

Hm, you know, this place would have been great for a holiday spot. MD: I don’t know, given my records with holidays... ...True, you’ll probably end up doing exactly what you are doing now. MD: That said, I think I’ll take a slice of apple pie since no one’s looking. Does the agency pay for your food on your cases? MD: They’d better because I’m giving the recipes to Her Majesty if they don’t...

Aisling: I came here to save John but he’s locked upstairs, please help! MD: Um, if you had let me come with you... maybe some time could have been saved? Aisling: But what if I get killed first then? MD:........ She’s got a point. MD: Dammit, fine...

Hm, so John’s ancestor worked on the original Ravenhearst... We’ll probably need to open up the original game to see if that was the guy that fell from the construction site. (My guess is it’s not, because that carpenter was originally meant to be Rose Summerset’s husband, so it should have been Summerset. Plus Rose’s kids were the twins and Victor.)

Oh damn, a model of Ravenhearst-- MD: Hm, it’s missing a weather vane. ........... MD: Look, just because I burn the place down several times, doesn’t mean I don’t care what it looks like, okay? Can you point out the window that you escaped out of by any chance? 8D MD: *sighs* This one...

Aisling: John, NOOOOOO. MD: Right, gotta cut him down quick! He might still be alive. *Proceed to spend over minutes solving puzzles* MD: I swear, this happened very fast in actuality... Never as fast as the plot demanded though...

*Puts weather vane on model* *Model turns into a raven* MD: ???????????????? Okay, I need to take points off for THAT ridiculous transformation and animation. XD

Aisling: I can’t take this anymore! MD: I know this is hard, Aisling-- Aisling: Here’s the next slab, btw. ....This mood whiplash... I’m dying.

Um, so apparently the banshee wasn’t trying to destroy the world, but was trying to restore herself, which... you disrupted. MD: Look, Allison and her friends needed rescuing okay? I couldn’t just sit idling by. ...If that was disrupted, then how DID Aisling turn human then??? MD: .....Let’s save that mystery for another time because I feel a headache incoming... (Fix edit: It seems to imply that the ritual was only disrupted, not failed, so Aisling did get her skin back, though now she doesn’t remember being a banshee...)

Aisling: I’m a banshee? That’s... That’s impossible. MD: Well, I’ve been through a lot to say most impossible things are actually probable in reality, though if you somehow don’t remember me shoving you back into the cave, um, then I’m grateful. Once you do, please don’t kill me. BTW, your turn on the cube of mystery!

Aisling: Well, if I’m a banshee, I guess I should go back to Dire Grove. We can catch the next ferry. MD: You know that’s a really long trip right? It might take us the better half of a day-- Or a single puzzle’s worth of time. MD: ...Where was THAT kind of fast travel all these years??? I do like how it’s implied that you guys had a huge detour with picking people up and dropping them off though.

Ais: Okay, we’re here in Dire Grove-- AH! MD: Wow, even nature is saying NO to you. Ooooooor it could be a certain immortal druid-- MD: Please don’t. It’s fine! We have a banshee. MD: All she does is predict death! Oh yeah, forgot about that...

*Aisling gets “kidnapped” by green energy* Gibs: That can’t be healthy. MD: That’s honestly pretty normal at this point for us. At least she didn’t get dropped down a tube.

Um, what’s with the Chinese incense in a Druid’s domain? X’D (I’m going to pretend they traded that...)

(I honestly don’t have a lot of stuff to comment on in the section in Dire Grove, because there isn’t much to snark about. Which, I guess, comes to show that 99% of silliness comes from MD dealing with PEOPLE, alive, dead, revived, or otherwise not really a human.)

*Aisling goes back to banshee form* MD: First, no hard feelings about last time, right? Aisling: *stares* MD: Please, thank you, and I’m sorry??? Aisling: You did help me out, so I guess it’s fine. MD: *sigh of relief* BTW, four people technically did DIE though in the process. Aisling: Um, that wasn’t me, if you recall your lore correctly. MD: True enough, but STILL. Just pointing it out. You want her to scream in your ear? She’s still got time for that.

HOW AISLING BECAME A BANSHEE, AGAIN. Aisling: To make a long story short, there was a lot of puzzles Puzzles which you had to personally solve, without MD’s help? Aisling: It really makes you appreciate how hard MD has had it for the last 21 years...

Did... did you just KILL four people to restore your spirit? Aisling: I just helped their soul cross over! I swear! Aisling, you’re being really SUS right now and I’ve practice how to spot a liar lately! Aisling: I only predict deaths! And then find the souls and tell them where to go. I swear that’s my task. EVERYONE VOTE AISLING AISLING IS THE IMPOSTER

Is one of your abilities literally “summon joyride”???? Aisling: it’s a carriage A carriage can be an awesome joyride if you use it irresponsibly Aisling: How does MD tolerate you? They don’t, they’ve just had worse company and I’m a lesser evil. 8D

Aisling (actually Gibs): *suffers through the last giant super puzzle* ...Yeah, REALLY makes you appreciate what MD goes through. Aisling: Is it always this bad??? Sometimes. I’ve seen worse.

Gibs: THAT CARRIAGE IS BADASS. See, I told you it was a joyride. Aisling: You know, I think I’ll float back to the MD. No joyrides. Awwwwwwwwwwww... Okay, now let’s rewind back to when MD started their rant. **************************************************

Aisling: BTW, this energy is still floating about. And I think I know why. Will you accept this energy and use it to save the world? MD: Oh hold ON a minute. You want ME to do WHAT? Aisling: Save the world. You heard what I said. MD: Okay, listen. I started this detective job mostly because I thought it was cool, and it was for the first couple of cases where all I had to deal with was bust the criminal organization STAIN and recover the Hope diamond for the Queen. But then that’s where all my trouble started because she sent me to this creepy manor which turned out to be a prison to not one, not two, but FOUR ghosts. What’s even worse is the first time I went, I thought I only had to rescue Emma. I was wrong, and for the longest time, I thought Fate Carnival folks were dying from my mistake. Turns out later it was completely personal. This was everything that happened before I met YOU. (Again, really sorry about kicking you back into the cave and getting you stuck in the situation you were in in the last who knows how many years...) Afterwards, I went to the Louisiana which got me on the bad side of a certain ghost pirate, who turned out to be the grandfather of the guy killing the carney folks from his mother’s side. Which was why he was killing them by the way. She sold him to Fate’s Carnival. Anyway, after figuring out that I’ve dun goofed, I went back to Ravenhearst manor, which turned out there was a WHOLE OTHER SECTION I didn’t discover last time, which was somehow a very personalized and twisted marriage proposal that I didn’t notice until too late. I burned THAT down for good measure before taking a break in some place near a lake. But then that guy’s FATHER took up issue with what I did, which I didn’t even started, to be honest. He tried to kill me for whatever grudge it was that he had. I had to stab his horocrux with my badge to get him to stop that time. But then it turns out that father ALSO has some offspring here in Dire Grove, and I had to come back to prevent THAT from going down in flames as well. Thankfully, I think they remained sane. I can’t say the same for the twins, who turned out to be the evil guy’s kids. They most definitely went insane, and REMADE Ravenhearst, which I had to burn down for THE THIRD TIME. All that plus the jump I took landed me in an asylum, which turned out to be the one where both the evil bald guy and his dad was imprisoned once upon a time. Of course, the guy’s father tried to kill me, AGAIN. Took care of that, and also removed the shard that was driving me bonkers. It only gets worse from here though. I got chased around by an woman with a clock for her heart who I had to defenestrate out a clock tower. She didn’t stab me, but then the guy who probably ENGINEERED MY ENTIRE LIFE did, because apparently he wanted to use my soul’s virtue to anchor death to the mortal world or something. I got an immortality feather out of that, I guess, so it wasn’t too bad, but I basically DIED. And then afterwards there was that undead guy who was really hung up about his biker jacket. Next was the evil guy’s ancient youngest son nearly destroying the world (4th wall break: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT) trying to revive him which thankfully DIDN’T HAPPEN BECAUSE OH GODS I WOULD HAVE DIED FOR REAL ON THE SPOT IF IT DID, FEATHER OR NOT. Then a creepy woman in a mirror had to be locked back into the mirror dimension. And that’s when my agency had a fucking SECURITY BREACH which turned out to have been in the making for YEARS. And then the pirate guy came back and nearly enslaved me. I had to blow up his ship and exorcise him from this world. And AFTER all of that, I was finally sent to Blackmoor, where I met YOU, and also saw a bunch of people marginally related to me die from a cause we still don’t have any answers for. *DEEP INHALE*

Aisling: Okay, so your point is.... MD: My POINT is.... out of ALL the sane and wholesome people in the world who don’t have ANY BAGGAGE whatsoever, why do I, the Master Detective, have to be the one to save the world here-- Charles: Hello. MD: *SCREEEEEEECH*

CHARLES IT’S BEEN FOREVER-- wait, you’re not here to serve the divorce papers are you? Charles: Of course not. I’m asking MD to come back home with me. MD: WHAT?! Charles: Where else would I welcome you back to? *Evil cackle* ......... 8D8D8D8D8D8D8D8D Aisling: ........... :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| MD: .................D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< MD: Aisling, hand that energy over, I’ve a WORLD TO BURN.

I have to point this out... the last time we saw Charles IN THE FLESH in game, was Escape from Ravenhearst, which was NINE YEARS AGO, likely TEN by the time Crossfade comes out. Happy Tenth Anniversary of your wedding, Master Detective? 8D

MD: AS IF.

#Mystery Case files #The Harbinger #MCF

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ogamagirl · 4 years ago

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art summary time baybeeee

I don’t think I need to note again how difficult a year this was ;;; art is a huge source of comfort for me but looking through my folder for this, there were definitely huge swaths of time where all I could manage was sketches...that being said, there was a piece for every month that I still liked a lot (for some months it was even hard to choose!) - usually when I go back and do these summaries the early months make me cringe a bit, but I’m still pretty happy with each piece I chose here TuT and compared to last year’s I feel like I definitely kept improving this year! I think I got a bit better at coloring? I tried more stuff to evoke the mood I wanted through colors and I feel like I learned some useful tricks to keep in my arsenal. So! Let’s hope! 2021 is a nicer year than this one was overall, but when it comes to art...I think I’m pretty happy. <3

#Erin makes art #feel the love with your soul #cauSE THAT'S MOST OF WHAT I DREW LOL i'm past apologizing for focusing on me and soul when it comes to art #(i never needed to apologize in the first place)#ANYWAY #art summary 2020

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musicollage · 4 years ago

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Atlas Sound. Logos, 2009. Kranky (USA) / 4AD (UK). ( Lyrics & Music – Bradford Cox ) ~ [ Album Review | 1) Pitchfork + 2) Pop Matters + 3) Drowned In Sound + 4) NME + 5) Prefix Magazine ]

1) As we've gotten to know Bradford Cox over the last couple of years through shows, interviews, and blog posts, one of the Deerhunter frontman's most appealing qualities is his deep and nuanced appreciation of the music of others. Some musicians listen to records to see how they work, check out the competition, or trawl for ideas; by all available evidence, Cox feels records, deeply. If he was born without musical gifts and couldn't sing or play an instrument, one can imagine him working at a record store, amassing an enviable collection while driving people on a message board crazy with the sureness of his detailed opinions. Whatever you think of his exploits as an indie rock media figure, Cox's music fandom is easy to identify with and also offers a portal into his own work.

Atlas Sound, Cox's solo alias, in one sense serves as a sort of laboratory for figuring out what makes some his favorite music tick, away from the expectations of his main band. Two collaborations on Logos, the second Atlas Sound full-length, are excellent examples of how music listening can be absorbed into original work. First is "Walkabout", a track Cox wrote and recorded with Noah Lennox from Animal Collective, whom Cox got to know during a European tour. Though Cox's music shades dark and Lennox's is often flecked with uncertainty and doubt, "Walkabout" is the sunniest pop tune of either of their careers. Coasting on a buoyant, twinkling keyboard sample, it is a starkly catchy and irresistible, a clattery post-millennial Archies tune that straddles perfectly the border between simple and simplistic. Interestingly, it also sounds very much like a Panda Bear tune.

Then there is Lætitia Sadier of Stereolab, who wrote the lyrics and sings lead on Logos' "Quick Canal". The song opens with some gorgeously textured organ chords and soon a steady-state beat and drums rise up in the mix, setting the kind of relaxed-but-propulsive neo-krautrock scene that Stereolab perfected very early on. Here Cox gets to play the part of the late Mary Hansen, adding "la-di-da" trills behind Sadier as she intones phrases in her unfailingly lovely, for-the-ages voice. He even throws in a "Jenny Ondioline"-style rupture about halfway through, sending the track into a breathtaking shoegaze section for its final four minutes, wherein it floats magisterially on a pillow of shifting guitar feedback. "Quick Canal" is almost nine minutes long and it doesn't waste a second.

On these tracks, the confidence Cox shows in melting his aesthetic into the soundworld of other musicians is striking-- both are unqualified successes, very different from each other but among the best things Cox has ever done. But they also sound a lot like the music his collaborators are known for. Cox's sympathetic support and sense of how to construct songs with others suggests a desire to expand the parameters of what Atlas Sound can be. And given his willingness to let others take the microphone on an Atlas Sound project on these cuts, I can't help but go back to Cox's words on Logos before the album was released, which suggested that this was to be less introverted and that was "not about me."

And then I remember that the cover of the album consists of a photo of Cox with his shirt off and the lyrics in the first two songs start with the word "I", which suggests that we probably shouldn't take these statements very seriously. While the songs may or may not be "about" Cox in the strictest sense, the overall vibe is at least as introverted as 2008's Let the Blind Lead Those Who Can See But Cannot Feel, and every note bears the same signature. With its strummed guitars, hushed double-tracked vocals, and tunes more reliant on ambiance and feel than melody or rhythm, Logos feels every bit as diaristic and personal, but with Cox, that's a plus. At this point, we're not looking to this guy for commentary on the outside world; we want to hear him wrestle with private demons in the sanctuary of his bedroom, bathing every sound in reverb to give the illusion of space and as a sonic balm against loneliness and figuring out how to make music as affecting as the stuff he loves to listen to.

So tracks like "The Light That Failed", "An Orchid", and "My Halo" (the latter two, though different in tone, are further entries in Cox's growing line of melancholy waltz-time shuffles) function primarily as the kind of eerie, blown-out mood music he has become very good at. They are amorphous sketches that still manage to convey feeling, capturing the sort of sad, exhausted, and fragile emotional state that is Cox's area of expertise. "Shelia", a taut pop song with a great chorus hook, is a change-up, though the repeating refrain "No one wants to die alone" fits with the rest of the record's themes. And "Washington School", with its dissonant chime of metallic percussion that sound like gamelan or evilly out-of-tune steel drums, contains the record's most interesting production, with thick drones reminiscent of Tim Hecker and menacing rhythm track.

So some things are different, some are the same, but all of it works well together. It's true that every time Cox ventures out of his comfort zone on Logos, you wish that he'd go even further and embrace extremes-- of tunefulness, tradition, noise-- that don't necessarily come to him naturally. He may yet take a big leap with Atlas Sound, but here the steps away, though rewarding, are tentative. For the rest of the record, Logos feels familiar and assuring, another affecting dispatch from a corner of indie music that is increasingly starting to seem like one Cox pretty much owns.

2) Take a quick gander at Deerhunter's discography and you'll notice a clear stylistic trajectory. From the confrontational noise of "Turn It Up Faggot" to the ambient preoccupations of Cryptograms to the straight-up indie-pop of Microcastle/Weird Era Cont., it's plain to see that as the band has evolved over time, its songwriting has increasingly tended toward the more accessible end of the spectrum. Unsurprisingly, it appears that Bradford Cox's other songwriting vehicle, Atlas Sound, is following a similar arc. On Logos, his second album under the Atlas Sound moniker, Cox provides us with 11 songs that are far less insular, though no less dreamy, than those he has penned in the past. While his fractured compositions still evoke the myth of the bedroom pop auteur, the songs on Logos sound considerably more refined than the lo-fi sketches being churned out by many of his peers. This, as it turns out, is a very good thing.

To wit: "Walkabout", the track that had the blogosphere buzzing with anticipation for the better part of the summer. Built around a squelchy organ sample lifted from the Dovers "What Am I Going to Do", the song simultaneously recalls both the acid-tinged psychedelia of Black Moth Super Rainbow and the technicolor pop of Brian Wilson. Of course, it's impossible to mention "Walkabout" without acknowledging its co-creator, Noah Lennox, a.k.a. Panda Bear. In many ways, "Walkabout" bears Lennox's fingerprints more than it does Cox's, with Lennox's wistful vocal harmonies echoing throughout the track's four-minute runtime. It's easy to see why Cox chose to leak "Walkabout" well in advance of the release of Logos; bright, bubbly and infinitely catchy, the song perfectly captures the mood of a fleeting summer afternoon and stands as one of the year's best singles.

"Walkabout" is obviously a standout, though it's also an outlier when approached within the context of Logos. While some may feel as if they've been misled, the good news is that the rest of the album is no less rewarding, if not quite as instantly gratifying. Take, for example, the opening suite that leads up to "Walkabout". Pitting disjointed acoustic guitar strums and distant, reverb-soaked vocals against a backdrop of aqueous noise, "The Light That Failed" succeeds at drawing the listener in while still keeping her at arm's length. "An Orchid", meanwhile, presents the listener with a dreamy ballad that feels like an indistinct outline for a Deerhunter song. Cox's vocals and the song's guitar hook are buried just deep enough in the mix to force the listener to dig a little. When "Walkabout" finally hits, it feels like a reward well earned.

Luckily, "Walkabout" isn't the only nugget of pure pop bliss to be found on Logos. "Shelia", a disarmingly straightforward slice of jangly college-rock, proves hard to shake, with its Pixies-esque melody and sun-bleached three-part harmonies. Lyrically, the song serves as a world-weary rejoinder to the sweetly nostalgic refrain of "Walkabout" ("What did you want to be / When you grew up"), with Cox explaining, "No one wants / To die alone", before promising the song's titular subject, "We'll die alone / Together." It sure goes down easy, though.

Cox has publicly acknowledged that Stereolab were his favorite band in high school, so it should come as no surprise that given the opportunity to collaborate with Lætitia Sadier, he puts his best foot forward. On "Quick Canal", he lovingly builds up and tears down a cathedral of sound for Sadier to inhabit, layering a deep bass groove, tambourine hits and a wall of gently panning organs atop a steady, shuffling beat. Midway through, the song falls apart, briefly taking a detour into glitchy noise before giving way to a squall of fuzzed-out guitars. Try as Cox might to obfuscate the vocals, however, Sadier's voice proves indefatigable. To her credit, she sounds right at home here, bouncing her voice off of the song's jagged edges to produce a track that's equal parts haunting and triumphant.

With regard to electronic composition, on Logos Cox sounds more confident than ever before. Samples and electronic instrumentation form the underpinnings of many of the album's songs, though not to conspicuous effect. Penultimate track "Washington School" illustrates this point better than perhaps any other on the album. Opening with a loop built from fragments of a minor key piano line, the song soon piles on a pounding, bass-heavy beat, chimes and a playful synth line, blossoming into a full-on folktronica number that recalls Four Tet circa Rounds. Somewhere in the distance, Cox's disembodied voice rings out: "Shine a light / On me."

If Let the Blind Lead Those Who Can See But Cannot Feel was the product of Cox's willful isolation, then Logos is the sound of the auteur stepping outside of his bedroom to engage the world outside. Though it cedes little of the hazy delivery that made Let the Blind… so compelling, Logos brims with a wide-eyed energy all its own, conveying a palpable sense of optimism that's all too rare in Cox's oeuvre. This isn't too surprising when one considers the circumstances; the path that led Cox to the album's creation -- globetrotting tours with his idols, collaborations with some of the most distinctive voices in indie rock -- is the stuff of dreams for hermetic music nerds. Perhaps that's why Logos sounds as vibrant as it does: it's the result of Bradford Cox living out his dreams rather than just dreaming them.

3) One of many unsatisfactory things about end-of-decade retrospectives is that musicians are rarely so accommodating as to plot their careers in nice, convenient ten year cycles. Nonetheless, that’s how posterity tends to remember them, regardless of finer details. Thus the Kinks are Sixties artists, the Clash a Seventies act, Talk Talk an Eighties band, Nirvana from the Nineties, and you’d comfortably stick a punt on The Strokes and Sufjan Stevens ending up defined by this decade we’re exiting.

But what of Bradford Cox? Even if you were aware of Deerhunter's raucous 2005 debut ”Turn It Up Faggot” at the time, you're a wizard or a liar if you foresaw how their frontman was going to fill the years 2007 to 2009. That is to say: three Deerhunter albums (‘tis a fool indeed who views Weird Era Cont. as anything other than a record in its own right), two EPs, and a solo project as Atlas Sound that’s yielded God-know-how-many free downloads, as well as last year's Let The Blind Lead Those Who Can See But Cannot Feel, and now – an epic 22 months later - Logos. That all of this bar the odd freebie has been good to exemplary is simply astonishing, and points to an artist whose profligacy and cult popularity has him nicely set up to be a defining artist of the next decade.

And yet... anomalous as ”Turn It Up Faggot” may seem, such scabrous origins are indicative of a palette that has been cooling and quietening ever since Cox first intersected with the limelight. The soundbite-friendly ‘ambient punk’ aesthetic never really lasted beyond Cryptograms, with Microcastle canning the abrasiveness in favour of reasonably straightforward shoegaze set off with dreamlike Fifties flourishes. Having arrived at something like a commercial sound, another artist might have stopped there; however, Cox has ploughed right on through, this year’s Rainwater Cassette Exchange far and away Deerhunter’s most introverted work, a retreat into quiescent childhood reverie.

Logos has much more in common with Rainwater... than Let the Blind..., for the most part ditching the dissonant electronics in favour of delayed acoustic guitars and old-time pop structures. On the face of it, it sets out Atlas Sound’s stall as simply being whatever Cox may do sans Deerhunter. Yet in a way the 'ambient solo project' tag still kind of makes sense. Strictly speaking ambient music is defined not by instrumentation, but by its evasion of the consciousness. Whole swathes of Logos are blurred and indistinct - technically melodic, hooky songs treated and delivered in such a way that they all but self-negate, leaving nothing but fleeting impressions: the winsome viola that arrives in ‘Attic Lights’, just as Cox mutters ”maximum pain, maximum effect”; the gay singer’s unsettling yearning for traditional marriage on ‘Sheila’ ("we’ll die alone, together"); the barely discernible mantra ”all is love” that briefly ghosts through ‘Washington School’.

This might sound like a way of romanticising an unmemorable album, but that's far from the case. These songs are bunched together into two dreamy, fog-like passages that serve as a backdrop for a handful of the most tangible tunes Cox has ever written, soaring atmospherically above the misty dreampop. Opener ‘The Light That Failed’ roots itself in the consciousness through eerily torpid glitching, Cox’s disconcerting use of something approaching a falsetto, and the doomy langour of its titular lyric. It sets up an album that frequently drifts into disquieting areas, yet never quite follows through on this early moment of dread. Indeed, delightful Panda Bear hook up ‘Walkabout’ serves as definitive proof that the light hasn't failed at all. While much of Cox’s early pop obsession speaks of a desire to creep out of the now entirely, ‘Walkabout’ is far more tangible and good natured, thanks largely to Panda Bear’s high, comforting tones and the appropriation of the hook from actual vintage Sixties pop gem ‘What Am I Going To Do?’ by The Dovers. Ironically for a song built around a 40-year-old tune, nothing, else on Logos has ‘Walkabout’s immediacy, though the excellent title track comes close, a rattling Strokes-alike number slightly removed from the world by Cox’s arsenal of floaty FX.

As we’ve known ever since last year’s leak of the Logos demos, the centrepiece is the eight and a half minute, wholly electronic ‘Quick Canal’. Though tamed a little from the leaked 13 minute instrumental, this more mannered, Laetitia Sadier-sung incarnation is a better fit here, and still towers above the skyline. The Stereolab singer adds an inescapably Enya-ish quality to the gentle early stages, but by the time the song’s swooshing, snowy motorik has kicked into full gear she fits in immaculately, an aloof Old World passenger on a song charged with haughty European electronica. It perhaps doesn’t sound so jaw-dropping as it did in isolation, but a lot of that can be attributed to an intentional effect of the surroundings. Those short, subliminal songs serving to filter away reality and focus, like half remembered dreams that leaves the senses baffled and feverish.

Logos is a gorgeous, hallucinatory and somewhat sickly outing. While there's every chance he'll wrong foot us, and soon, this record is entirely in keeping with the increasingly self-erasing route Bradford Cox has taken as a musician; it's hard to stifle a shudder at that blanked out cover image. Maybe Cox will go on to be a star next decade - he's a gregarious, prolific man liked by critics. But listen to his music, and that doesn't feel quite right. Maybe he'll become an icon. Or maybe he’ll finally make his escape from our timestream entirely, leaving us to wonder if he was ever there at all.

4) Much like Starbucks, Bradford Cox has become a ubiquitous presence. What with his work with art-rock outfit Deerhunter, his involvement in Karen O’s official soundtrack for Where The Wild Things Are, and now this, his second solo offering under the Atlas Sound banner, you’d be forgiven for thinking that such familiarity will start to breed contempt. But you’d be way off the mark.

There are two things you should know about this unlikely lo-fi hero of gangly deportment (he has Marfan Syndrome, a genetic disorder that stretches his limbs and strains his heart) and a girlish speaking voice (the affliction for this is yet uncertain). Firstly, it is impossible to dislike him (just see Wayne Coyne’s spoof argument with him on YouTube, branding Cox a “dick”). Secondly, his creative output has proved him to be one of – if not the – most forward-thinking and inspiring musicians of our generation.

So, as Cox takes time out from Deerhunter, along comes ‘Logos’. Less of an experimental minefield than its predecessor, ‘Let The Blind Lead Those Who Can See But Cannot Feel’, it sees Cox weave in and out of dream-like sequences, such as the sombre ‘The Light That Failed’ and ‘Quick Canal’, the latter featuring the sweetly masculine vocal of [a]Stereolab[/a]’s Laetitia Sadier; while ‘An Orchid’ pitches in as the aural equivalent of a David Lynch storyboard, guided along with looped noises and whimsical vocals.

It’d be easy to overlook Cox’s lyrics when the soundscapes are this rich and ornate, but there’s a delicate exploration of the most human of sensibilities and yearnings on ‘Logos’. He opens up the emotional vaults on ‘Sheila’, pining softly that “no-one wants to die alone… we’ll die alone together”. Likewise with ‘My Halo’, where Cox reveals “My halo burned a hole in the sky/My halo burned a hole in the ground… so I wait for polarity to change”. There’s much warmth and playfulness to be found here too, the unfeigned honesty and childlish desires expressed on ‘Walkabout’ – featuring the falsetto of [a]Animal Collective[/a]’s Noah Lennox – with its lyric “What did you want to see?/What did you want to be when you grew up?” being a case in point.

Cox may have tagged Atlas Sound as just another side-project, but ‘Logos’ is a clear indication that his solo creative output is just as richly rewarding as what came before.

5) For a project originally started as a way for Deerhunter frontman Bradford Cox to give a voice to his despairing isolation (he records completely alone) as a teenager, Atlas Sound is starting to sound like an arena-filling, widescreen pop project. Logos, Cox’s second proper solo album, takes the dense, gray worlds of Let the Blind Lead Those Who Can See, But Cannot Feel and puts them through a rainbow, delivering a splendid album.

If there’s one word to describe Logos, it’s “watery.” And in that regard, Logos shares a lot in common with Merriweather Post Pavilion (and Deerhunter’s Rainwater Cassette Exchange from earlier this year). Both albums trade in dreamy avant-pop landscapes buoyed by soggy atmospherics. “Criminals” sways like a shipping vessel in choppy seas, while the album’s great closing third (“My Halo” through the title track) sounds like it was transmitted from that underwater base in the third season of Lost. Cox is still reliant on the general ambiance that envelops his solo work, but here he’s willing to let his vocals float above the mix. And while musically this is brighter, he’s still all Debbie Downer. Old standby lyrical tropes of growing old (on “Sheila” Cox sings “we will grow old” like he’s reassuring someone else), loneliness (“Attic Lights”) and lost hope (“The Light that Failed”) show up repeatedly, and he still sounds like he’s on his deathbed when he sings.

But for an album created largely by one guy alone in his room, the guest performances shine the most on Logos. Stereolab’s Lætitia Sadier wrote the lyrics for “Quick Canal,” a sprawling, shoegazey track that never loses its motorik motion, peaking repeatedly in its eight minutes. The bubbly “Walkabout,” the high-profile track with Animal Collective’s Panda Bear lives up to all the hypertext spilled about it this summer, delivering the best of both Panda Bear’s effervescent youthful innocence and Cox’s wistful yearning.

Logos, while just the second solo album from the frontman for a band of marginal fame, represents the latest and greatest chapter in Cox’s ride to indie stardom. He rose to prominence mid-decade as a confrontational trickster riding blog-hype (circa Cryptograms), continuing with a solo album to build his brand (Let the Blind), an indie-rock masterwork (Microcastle) and a solo album of nearly as high repute (Logos). As for what’s next, Cox has remained mum (though Deerhunter might be taking a hiatus), but with Logos, he ensures we’ll all be waiting.

#rock music #art rock #atlas sound #bradford cox #kranky #4ad #2009 #2000s #2000s rock #pitchfork #pop matters #drowned in sound #nme #prefix magazine #review

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nibscribs · 6 years ago

Photo

So uhhhh I drew a lot of RWBY this year... only two of these are non RWBY and tbh I could have just as easily put something RWBY for June Template

Retrospective under the cut bc it’s LONG

RETROSPECTIVE January: First piece of the year! I still like this piece and I think it shows how much I improved from the original version of it. Also I just like looking at it bc it's soft content of my rare pair. I do think I made the rose look photorealistic which looks... bad esp with all the other more stylized flowers, and I got lazy with the bleeding hearts by just drawing one set and flipping them. Emerald's hair also could look better. February: I made this around GNG week, which was a fun, good time, long before the server imploded on itself. I got really lazy with the backgrounds, obviously, but I do like the poses in this one, tho it helped that I based it off of screenshots from Young Justice. I also just really like how Merc looks in this one. March: March wasn't a very prolific month for art, I don't think I produced much besides this and one comic piece for GNG week. I'm not sure why exactly, I can't find any specific reason why I would be unproductive that month. I'm gonna just assume I was drained from work all the time and didn't have the energy to put out good art, and also I was getting into a slump bc all my art was starting to look same-y. This piece isn't very good, but I chose it because I did it without a reference, and at this point that was going out of my comfort zone. It's obviously not super dynamic, but at the very least you can tell I intended there to be motion to it. April: This also wasn't a very prolific month for art, not as bad as March, but for the same reasons. I was also really starting to feel burnout from the RWBY fandom, specifically wasps and conflict within the GNG server. This was also when the Art vs the Artist meme was popular, and I realized I didn't want to do that meme because my art was too similar and boring, which also brought me down a peg. Though I put out a few good chibis in April, I chose my Mercury redesign bc I was really proud of it. I could never get the Emerald redesign to mesh quite right, but I can say I'm really proud of how Mercury's came out. May: May had me bounce out of my art slump and in full force trying to expand my skills! Specifically exploring painting. Although May was about as prolific as April, what I did create I put a lot into. It was difficult to pick between this and my app of Edison, because I'm really proud of both, but in the end I went with this commission of Mercury because I pushed myself to try and use an interesting perspective for the piece instead of my usual stand still and face the camera pose. Because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, this was one of the best things I made all year, and may be my favorite piece of the year. June: TIME TO STRESS OUT ABOUT CONNECTICON! So if you follow me on twitter, you might have noticed I made a lot of posts at the beginning of the year low key throwing shade at myself for drawing my oc's instead of more "important" art. Well, that important art that I was procrastinating was con merch, and con was the second week of July, so I really had to get my ass in gear to finish merch on time (spoiler, I didn't finish a lot of it on time). This piece and July's piece are both posters I made for Connecticon, and while I like July's much better, that doesn't mean I find this piece bad. I really should have known that no one at con would realize it was a goonies reference tho -_-; I also lost a lot of love for this piece after season 6 of Voltron, which I watched while I was about 60% of the way through this piece, so I had to force myself to finish it. July: I love this piece!!!! Don't get me wrong, I know it has flaws, but look at it! The lines are so crisp, the colors look good, Roman and Merc's expressions are mwuah chefs kiss, and I just love all of them!!! ... except for Neo. I really didn't do her justice in this piece, her hair is too fluffy, her head is way to oversized to the point that she looks like a bobblehead, and her eyes are too close together. Really if you take out Neo's head that whole problem goes away. I also love all the tiny details I put in this one, from emerald's chaps to roman's rose to Neo's lace parasol. You can tell I was way more passionate about this piece than I was about the Voltron piece. August: pretty sure this is when I quit my job cashiering, and thank god bc customers suck. If I was going off of sheer popularity, Chibi Pyrrha would have taken this slot no contest, and while I love chibi Pyrrha, I don't think it was the best of the month. I chose this little princess and the pauper au doodle because I tried a year ago to draw these two dancing, and it looked like dog shit. It was flat and ugly. But this has motion to it, and even looking at it now makes me feel warm and happy inside. It's just a good cute drawing of my otp. September: My piece for the RWBY tarot project! I have a lot of mixed emotions about this one. on the one hand, I love how mercury looks, his expression, the lighting, the visceral gore from his legs (ESPECIALLY THE VISCERAL GORE ON HIS LEGS) and the hands of the undead, all look stunning and I don't think I could be more happy with how they turned out. And then we get to the background. The caduceus isn't the worst thing ever, but it's severely lacking in quality compared to the rendering on mercury in front of it, and a lot of it is clearly pixellated from me trying to stretch and squash it just right. And the fire is a hot (no pun intended) mess. It's flat, incoherent, and doesn't lead the eye anywhere. It's a shame too because I wanted to do more with it, but I a) didn't have enough time or patience to figure out what I needed to do to fix it and b) didn't want to go outside of my comfort level, so I gave up and decided to be satisfied with what I had. October: October was another good month for art, I made a turnaround sheet for Moss, painted a full body (and slightly lewd) Rudy, and made a decent attempt at inktober. Ok, so I got like 2 days in, but I improved a lot on inking from last year! Fun fact! this piece was originally going to be fan art of Lindsay Jones, but after I did some thumbnails to figure out a pose, I thought it would suit White Diamond better, and I could also sell it as merch. I love this piece. I think I captured the sinister mood well, and conveyed the story I wanted to without any dialogue (at least the notes on Tumblr make me assume I did a decent job, lotta people really wigged out lol) I really worked hard to get the lighting right on this one, and I think it shows. My absolutely favorite thing about this piece funnily enough, is Amethyst. I think I just did a great job drawing her and I'm proud of myself ok. Stevens bubble and my trouble figuring out how to get WD's leg just right are the only things that I dislike about this piece, but I might go back and fix those. November: IM SO PROUD OF THIS COMMISSION!!!!!! I worked so god damn hard on this chef's kiss poifect, and it really shows. I started using a new brush at this point, the Ojing series on Clip Studio Paint, which I recommend and have been using a lot since. I've also been using this shading technique since drawing this. I love how it sort of fades out but it's still really crisp. I also love all the little details that give this piece character, like her shoes and the stripes on her jacket. This piece really takes a lot of the stuff I learned over the year and combines it into one piece, and I could not be prouder of it. I have absolutely no problems with this one, though I do find the weapon a bit plain, but it's what the client described. December: AND NOW IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!! I had been working on this piece since August, going back to it every now and then and getting frustrated. I'm really glad I came back to it and finally finished it, since I love this pair and I put a lot of effort into it back in August. However, I'm also really glad I completely overhauled a lot of it, specifically the flowers. Though I'm not 100% happy with the mums in this one, they look a thousand times better than the mums I had originally sketched back in August, and were part of the reason I had such a hard time finishing this for months. I also thought it would be nice to end the year on the same note it started; with a flower couple. I've definitely learned a lot since January, and I hope to continue growing in 2019! 2019 GOALS!

Work on backgrounds for the love of god

Draw more stuff that isn't RWBY

Perspective

Make more speed paints and post more to youtube in general

#2018 summary of art #2018 retrospective #art progress #year in review #not art

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uberff · 7 years ago

Text

Chapter 15

Robyn

"Ladies and gentleman, on behalf of JetBlue Airlines and the entire crew, I'd like to thank you for joining us on this trip. Welcome to Memphis International Airport. Local time is eleven fifty-two and the temperature is currently 70°F. For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until Captain turns off the Fasten Seat Belt sign..." the flight attendant announced and I began to stretch and gather my things.

I waited until the plane was relatively empty before getting off and heading towards check-in and baggage claim. I was finally back home in Tennessee, home of my parents and my happiest moments. After visiting Jaylen in the hospital, I finally realized that I didn't need him to be happy anymore. I honestly just started to tune him out after he told me I could be happy without him. Sure, I cared about him but when he starts to play victim, starts doing heavy drugs, and bringing his mother into it, I had enough. Shit was getting old.

My heart has been tried back-to-back like Meek for the past three years and I was about to shit on anyone who thought my happiness depended on them. I didn't accept the store from Jaylen, I didn't accept the proposal he made while he saw me packing, and I couldn't continue to keep loving him after the CONSTANT tantrums, I was over Jaylen and his tricks, man. Odell completely understood when I told him about the money move I was about to make. I needed to grow and being in chaos only had the potential to stay stagnant.

After grabbing my bags, I patiently waited to be claimed. I already had arrangements with Lyft because I've had enough of Uber to last me a lifetime. Soon, I saw my name on a white posterboard being held by a middle-aged Hispanic man wearing mom jeans. The fashion police in me wrote him SO many damn tickets but on the outside I smiled and let him take my bags into his van. A few weeks after I saw Jaylen and his ex, I decided to look for apartments and work in another stress-free enviroment. It was literally a cycle! He's cool for a few days, something happens that makes him upset, he takes his anger out on me, I cry (as always), and he comes back to profess his love. I rolled my eyes at how accurate that was. I'm so glad I'm done with him. Niggas period.

Luis, my driver, pulled up to my brand new studio apartment downtown and I squealed. I was so ready to get to work. No distractions could ruin me this time. It would be like I'm singing in a choir shit, it had to be all about ME ME ME this time around. I allowed Luis to help me bring my stuff into my vacant abode. Ooooh, I was about to get REAL boujee, boy. I thanked him, tipped him, and rated him his five stars and went straight to sleep on my air mattress. Tomorrow is only a few hours away and I had shit to do concerning my future.

The next morning, violent knocks rounded against my door and the sound resembled the multiple gunshots that went off on the worst day of my life. I jolted from my sleep and stood up, jogging to door to make it stop. I snatched the door open and furrowed my eyebrows. "Yes?" I grogged, running my fingers through my hair.

"Delivery conformation. Are you a....Ms. Robyn?" I looked at the customized stitching on his uniform and saw Royal Furniture on it. I mustered up a smile and nodded. Holding my chest, my heart was still beating crazy fast.

"We're going to be in and out for a few but once we get you all settled in, we'll be out of your hair." I nodded again and widened the door so they could start bringing my living room and bedroom set in. I occupied myself with searching for a venue for my new store and before I knew it I had a few appointments with some real estate. Once they were finished setting up and having me sign my life away, I started to get ready. My appointments were later on in the afternoon so I decided to get an early start and scope the city out.

I called another Lyft and started downtown. Breakfast at Miss Polly's was freaking great, and the city scene was perfect; not too fast paced and not too sluggish. I think I'll be aight here. The fresh start had me feeling myself because it started giving me the courage to do something that I've been wanting to do for years. I never go near needles unless it concerned my health and I absolutely positively needed to get vaccinated but by free-will? Hell nah. I looked up at the sign that read Underground Art, Inc., took a deep breath and walked in.

"Good morning! Welcome. You have an appointment set up with us today?" the receptionist asked. Everyone was so damn happy here. I love it and I could definitely adapt since that's how I always am.

"No, I just found ya'll with some great reviews." I said while looking around. Tattoos were so dope but I didn't wanna sit through a needle digging in my skin for hours and hours and hours.

"You plan on getting some work done today?" she asked and I nodded without even thinking about it.

"Right now, the only tattoo artist available is Eric. I'll get him in here for you." I nodded and she screamed his name. Shit, I could've done that. I smiled at their friendship when he came in roasting her. He was damn fine! Whyyyyyy must temptation follow me everywhere?

"Wassup? What you tryna get today?" MY BACK BLOWN OUT! I tried to catch myself and prevent my laugh but it happened anyway.

"You aight?" he asked with a small smile on his face.

"Yeah, sorry. I just thought about something. I just wanted to get a piece for my mom today."

"Aight. Whatchu got in mind? A portrait? Ha name? Some roses? I need specifics, sweetheart."

My heart dropped to my ass, I swear. He was breathtaking! "A portrait. I have a picture of her on my phone."

"She's beautiful. It's in the genes, I see. I ain't catch ya name." he extended his hand.

"Because she ain't throw it nigga! Do ya job." The receptionist yelled from behind us and we laughed. "Shut the hell up and answer the phone and set up sessions."

"Robyn." I shook his hand.

"Cool. Aight Robyn, I'ma sketch ya moms and get back at you in a minute. Sound good?" I nodded and he went on his way.

I briefly spoke with the receptionist and learned that her name was Deja. She put me up on some good stores to shop, some great beaches, and where to pick up on some good vibes since I'm new to the city. She was so outgoing and funny, I loved her personality. Hopefully everyone in Memphis was like this.

"Aight beautiful. I got a lil' something right here." Eric appeared from around the corner and I smirked, looking at the drawing.

"Oh my god, she's everything!" I squealed with misty eyes. He patted my shoulder and handed me some tissues.

"Glad I could capture her for you. Ready?" he asked and I nodded.

"Where we at?" he asked dancing around with the stencil paper since he didn't know where I wanted it. I laughed and held my wrist out so my mother's face could be the first thing I saw everyday.

"Cool." he sat before me and put his glasses on along with some gloves so he could clean and briefly shave that area. "You scared?"

"Hell yes."

"It's gon' hurt. I ain't gon' lie, conversation can take away from it though."

"I hope so."

"I'm all marked up, you'll get numb to it after a while." he mumbled as he continued to prepare. "Moms know you getting her tatted today?"

"She got a pretty good view." I mumbled.

"Whatchu mean?"

"She passed a few years ago."

"Damn. Aye, I'm sorry."

"You didn't know. It's okay."

"Scale of 1-10, how good you is on pain?"

"I've dealt with enough. Just put some music on, I'll be good."

"Don't be twerkin' in ya seat. Moms gon' look like Ice JJ Fish." I laughed loudly and he joined me.

"You know you got REAL beautiful smile? I can tell you ain't from here." he mumbled, still focused on his job.

"Thank you. I actually am from here. I just moved away after what happened. Just moved back."

"Home where the heart at, huh?"

"I guess." I shrugged. It sure as hell wasn't with Jaylen or Kai.

"Aight, Robyn. I'ma throw some Pandora on the radio of ya choice and we gon' start. Just don't move, aight?"

I nodded and he gave me his phone that was connected to the Bluetooth. I chose Destiny's Child radio and let the throwbacks take my mind off of this pain.

Survivor ironically came on and he sang the words in a higher voice. I looked at him and laughed softly. "Aye, I got sisters, man. Don't be jugding me. I'll start scribbling on ya shit." his sense of humor was turning me onto him like crazy. I learned not to rush or jump straight into being too friendly after Qua read me for filth.

About two hours later, he was finally wrapping up. The music and his personality helped, other than the fact that my ass was sore, I didn't even feel like I've been sitting here for that long. He began to wipe it and I flinched. "Oh my god! Stop!" I screamed.

"My bad." he laughed and I looked down to see my mom staring back up at me.

"She's gorgeous." I mumbled softly.

"Take care of her, man. Leave this wrap on for a few hours, wash her up with some lukewarm water and put some ointment on it every few hours. Make sure you ain't ashy, she gon' shrivel all up. Moisture is the biggest thing."

I nodded and stood up, heading towards the exit. I still had to meet with some agents for a space for my store. "Thank you for everything."

"You got it. Hit my line if you want ya Pops too." he gave me his card and I grinned.

"I'll do that. See you Eric."

"Most def, Robyn." he licked his lips and I swiped some hair behind my ear and left.

I looked down at the tattoo only to have my mom staring back. "Please don't let it be another one." I mumbled referring to my heartbreak.

"How's life treating you out there?" Odell asked through the computer screen. We were on FaceTime catching up with each other's lives. I just heard that he broke his ankle which sucks because he's not gonna be able to play for the rest of the season. Of course I insisted on catching a flight back to NY instantly, but he told me to stay. He's in a better mood than I thought.

"Great, actually. I can't wait for you and Win to visit."

"She will not shut up about you. She misses you more than anybody in the world."

"Really?"

"Yea... She was literally bout to cut Jay over you."

"I'm not even surprised, Win's crazy." I chuckled but was also flattered at the same time. I didn't know she cared about me that much.

"Have you guys spoken to each other?" I spoke.

"Nah after the fight, I told him ion' want shit to do with him and I bet not see him near you. Ain't heard from em ever since." He explained, and I started to feel bad a little.

These guys have been bros since before I even came in the picture. I know family's more important, but Jaylen is literally the only homeboy O had.

"Aight, remember what I told you. Focus on YOU. Don't be letting these niggas fuck wit you, Rob. Don’t even give em ya time, cause you got shit to do. Ion wanna have to come out there and start shit." He said sternly as I smiled only for him to straight face me.

"I hear you, O."

"Nah foreal though, you don’t understand how much it hurt me to know that he hurt you like that. I knew shit was up with y’all from the vibe y’all gave off at first. When I first started bringing him around, y’all couldn’t stand each other but all of a sudden y’all was cool so I knew some shit had to happen. I ain’t want y’all dating or anything because that nigga dogs the shit outta women. I didn’t want one of those women to be you, and that’s all I asked him. He gave me his word that he’d never do anything to hurt you, but that nigga lied. That’s one thing you don’t do to me,” he paused to shake his head.

“I’ve seen you go through enough shit from having your parents die right in front of you, and getting cheated on back to back. You’re the strongest person I know Robyn, and I just wanna say I’m proud of you. It sucks that you had to move out, but I’m glad that you starting a new chapter in ya life and I wish you nothing but happiness.” He flashed his million dollar smile blowing me a kiss afterwards.

Once he seen the tears build up in my eyes, he groaned. “Don’t start crying bruh.” I chuckled at his facial expression that held annoyance.

“I love you O.”

“I love you too.”

I was out grocery shopping at my local market for my apartment. This was really the only place I grocery shopped since I was vegan. Shit was more expensive too, but it was all worth it.

“Wassup? Robyn right?” I heard a female voice behind me. I turned around and was face to face with Eric from the tattoo shop.

I wasn’t trying to make this conversation too long because I had to get my last minute outfits ready for my first fashion show out here tomorrow.

Don’t get me wrong, Eric was super fine but I just didn’t wanna go back down that road again. What O and Qua were telling me was absolutely right. I had to focus on myself. I couldn’t let Eric distract me.

“Yea, wassup?” I said as I started to walk down the aisle to look for what I needed to get as he walked with me.

“What you up to tomorrow?”

“I actually have a fashion show so I’m gonna be pretty busy.”

“Ooooooh, so that’s you? I been seeing a flyer about a fashion show literally on everything. I see you.”

“Yea, I’ve been working really hard to promote it so hopefully it’s a success.”

“It should be. You mind if I come and support?” You had to pay to get in and that was extra money in my pockets so fuck no I didn’t mind.

“Of course not.” I smiled.

“Aight see you there.” He smiled before walking away. Shrugging off my thoughts about him, I continued to shop until I was ready to checkout.;

Jaylen

I sat in my basement, sketching nothing in particular as I bobbed my head to the sound of Usher's voice playing in the background.

I had been down here for days, I ain't went upstairs or ate anything. My phone had been blowing up every day, so I eventually just turned it off.

After Robyn left me, I felt empty. I've tried working it out but she doesn't even let me talk to her. Shit, she don't even stay out here anymore. I know I was part of the reason she moved.

Ever since me and O got into that fight, he ain't said a word to me. He meant it when he said fuck you. Winter too. It's like eve since I did that shit, nothing's been the same.

I knew I deserved it, but damn. I haven't had any inspiration or anything to paint so I just felt useless. Why the fuck did I have to go and fuck up our relationship?

Now I was sitting here lonely as fuck, looking hella stupid. I even cried a few times.

I scrolled down my instagram that I barely got on, and noticed that I kept seeing a flyer from an upcoming fashion show that Robyn was having.

I was definitely going whether she didn’t want me there or not. I had to fight for her. I went online and booked a flight to Memphis instantly.

I hope I wouldn’t regret this.

I left my hotel and walked outside to catch my uber. After giving the dude the address, I sat back patiently waiting until we pulled up to the building. It didn’t even take long because the building was literally around the corner.

After thanking the driver, I anxiously hopped out and pulled out the expensive ass ticket that I purchased for this show to get in. I knew Robyn’s pockets were bout to be fat as shit. It was hella crowded in here.

I guess it hadn’t started yet because everyone was either eating, or standing up dancing to the music that was playing.

After pushing through a couple of people a few times, my eyes landed on Robyn who stood in front of a mirror fixing her ponytail. The skirt she wore was so damn short but it looked so good on her. Damn she was beautiful.

"You look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you." I smiled, taking in her appearance. You could tell that she was genuinely happy. She had that glow and looked so refreshed.

She just stood there, froze. There was no emotion on her face and she looked as if she had gotten sick. "Rob-" Before I could finish my sentence, she ran off like the nigga Walter from Get Out. Even while she was wearing heels.

I didn't know if I should do the same thing, or leave her alone.

Repeating her actions, people started to look at me as if I had two dicks on my forehead. I searched and searched around the venue, and came up with nothing.

Sighing, I stepped outside only to see her sitting on a bench with her head in her lap. As I took a seat next to her, she tried to storm off but I pulled her back. I noticed that she was crying and her makeup had stained her white dress. I was always fucking up something.

"Just let me talk to you for a minute Rob. I ain't seen you in forever. I'm lucky enough to be in your presence right now."

"There's nothing to talk about Jaylen. I'm not trying to hear about how sorry you are or anything. I could care less. I was doing great without you, and for you to show up here and ruin my night is so fucking selfish. I dreamed of this night. Here I am with you, crying like always." She wiped her tears,

"Robyn, I was just trying to sur-"

"For what? YOU cheated on ME. You sat there and talked all this shit about my past relationships yet you go out and do the same thing. You can't just pop up and think everything's smooth when it's not! I got away from you for a reason! I'm SICK of your games, Jaylen! My life was so much better without you in it, and I'd like to keep it that way." She spat, looking me dead in the eyes. I knew she meant every word. I couldn't even say anything.

It felt like she took my heart and stomped on it. Over and over.

"Yo, everything aight? I heard you screaming all the way in the buil- why you crying?" Some nigga questioned her.

"Eric could you please take me home."

"Yea, come on."

To watch her walk out of my life with another man was hard to see. My heart stung. I still wanted to go after her, but maybe I should just let her do her thing.

She was right. I had my chance and I blew it.

Sipping on my daily cup of lean, I bobbed my head to the music, watching as the naked two strippers started to dance in front of me. I sat my cup down and began to throw some money. The way they was dancing, I was definitely gone pay they bills tonight.

I knew we weren't supposed to touch them, but fuck that. Their bodies had a nigga dick hard as rock. As one of them started to give me a lap dance, my hands found their way to her ass.

"Move your arm, baby." She purred in my ear as I looked up and smirked.

“That ain’t my arm.” I chuckled at the looks on their faces. By now, I wasn’t feeling this dancing shit and I just wanted to fuck.

“Take me to a room.” I told them as they both stood up and grabbed my hand.

Toast to being single.

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sweet-child-of-the-paradise-city · 7 years ago

Note

ASK ME QUESTIONS!?: 4, 6, 8, 24, 54, 88, 89, 91. HAPPY ASK LIST: Pink, Journal, Waves, Waterfalls. OCEAN ASK: Sails, Shells, Waves, Seafoam, Sea Glass, Nymph, Shipwreck. DEEP GET TO KNOW YOU QUESTIONS: 2, 8, 9, 13, 18. ASK ME SOME STUFF: 2, 12, 21, 24, 36. GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER: 6, 8, 9, 12, 15, 18, 47, 49, 51, 57, 59, 65, 98, 144. Hopefully these will keep you busy :)

ASK ME SOME QUESTIONS!? -4: What's something you really want right now? - To be completely done with university and to have a stable job.6: Do you like the beach? - Honestly, I haven't spent enough time on beaches to really have an opinion. I like being by the seaside but not necessarily on the beach.8: What's the background of your cell? - The home screen is a sketch of autumn leaves and the lock screen is a small cassette tape that says 'for Will' with 'should I stay or should I go' written above/below it. (I'm so excited for Stranger Things season2!)24: Is there a certain quote you live by? - I don't necessarily live by it, but I like the quote from John Lennon about when he grows up he wants to be happy. Because that's what I want, I don't care what I'm doing as long as I'm happy.54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? - It was only last night, and it was water. I'd filled my water bottle up too much.88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? - Well they'd have to force me to hold the butterfly first, but once they have then yeah, I probably would. It sounds mean and I wouldn't hurt a person for it. But I could do so much with that money, and it's only one small butterfly.89: What is something you wish you had more of? - Confidence. I'm a shy and nervous person. I go red when talking to new people, I shake more than usual, I go quiet, my heart beats super fast and I feel like I'm perspiring way more than I am. I get embarrassed easily too. It's taken me up to now to sing in front of my family when a song I like is on the radio. 91: Do you sleep with your window open? - In the summer I sleep with my window on the latch so it's cracked open a little to let fresh air in. Other than that I don't open it. HAPPY ASK LIST - Pink: Sunsets or sunrises - I'm not a morning person so definitely not sunrises. I like sunsets when the sky turns a mix of oranges, pinks and purples. It's beautiful.Journal: Would you dye your hair if you had the opportunity? Why or why not? - I would, I would like to try something new but I don't know what colour I would choose (except orange, never again!).Waves: Is there one music genre you can't listen to? Country... I do have several songs that's can be considered country/folksy but as a genre it's not so great. Jazz and classical are iffy too, some songs are really good but if I was forced to listen to them for the rest of my life I'd probably go insane. Waterfalls: Describe your perfect date? - Disclaimer,I've never been on a date so this is purely what I'd like: comfy on the couch watching favourite tv series or films with take out. Or long drives to no where in particular with favourite music playing. OCEAN ASK -Sails: Describe your perfect partner? - So for starters I don't have a type. All the crushes I've had vary. But the person does need to be kind and not afraid of their emotions. Political views must be similar to my own. If the person is sexist, racist, homophobic or discriminatory or anyone LGBTQ+ then they definitely don't have a chance.Shells: Would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf? - A vampire. I can stay young forever and I don't have to worry about what I look like.Waves: Favourite season and why? - Spring! It's not too warm and it's not too cold. Flowers start blossoming then too and they have me happy.Seafoam: Describe your ideal summer vacation? - So this summer I went on a road trip, of sorts, around Scotland and I loved it. I'd like to do that again around lots of countries in the world.Sea Glass: What do you consider to be your best physical feature? - My eyes? I like the colour of my eyes and my eye lashes are pretty long so I think they look nice. The rest of me isn't too fantastic.Nymph: Old-fashioned or modern decor? - How old are we talking? Because if it's 1920s Art Deco then definitely old-fashioned. Shipwreck: I don't have an OC. I'd like to try and write something but I'm not a very creative person so I don't know where I'd start.DEEP GET TO KNOW YOU QUESTIONS -2: Are you religious? If yes, what is your religion? - Technically, I'm christened Catholic and I was brought up in Roman Catholic/Catholic school but at the age of 7 I lost someone very close to me and from then on I've firmly atheist. But I can understand why people are religious.8: Do you believe in second chances? - I do depending on what has first happened. Say someone has killed in self defence, then they should get a second chance. But if the person has killed purely for no reason at all, then they should not get a second chance. 9: What is one thing that people always misunderstand about you? - That I'm always in a mood because I have a resting bitch face. If you see me and I look pissed, chances are I'm not.13: Does the most important person in you life know how much they mean to you? - I'd hope so.18: What would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you? - I'd sing along when songs I like came on the radio/iPod and maybe dance a little too (again, it's an anxiety thing).ASK ME SOME STUFF -2: What would you name your future kids? - For a boy I like the names Jonah and Adam. For a girl I'm not too sure.12: What is something you want right now? - To be in Edinburgh already! (By the time you read this I'll probably be there, but right now I'm still 2 hours out).21: Age and birthday? - My birthday is 12th March 1998, I'm 19 years old.24: Height? - I'm 5'3" (I don't know what that is in meters)36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill? - I want to graduate university, I want to have a good job, and I want to have a happy life.GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER -6: What fictional place would you like to visit? - Probably Westeros because most other fictional stuff I like is set in real places (but life before Game of Thrones started because there are a few characters I'd like to save).8: When was the last time you climbed a tree? - Last time was probably when I was 12/13.9: If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, What would you have a good chance of winning a model for? - Sleeping, or sleeping in. I can sleep almost anywhere, and I'm great at not getting up early if I don't have to. And I don't mean like sleeping in till 9/10am, I'm talking noon/1pm/2pm.12: What skill would you like to master? - Playing the guitar? Or just talking to people without having mini panic attacks.15: What's your favourite drink? - A drink that comes from Scotland called Irn Bru. I also really love Vanilla Coke/Pepsi! 18: What game or movie universe would you like to live in? - I would like to live in either the Star Trek or Star Wars universe.47: What is the most annoying question people ask you? - This is going to sound stupid but its 'Is (insert film title here) out on the internet yet?'. My parents ask me this all the time, and it's always for movies they know either aren't out or have only just been released at the cinemas. And they know that there's a very slim chance a good copy will be on the internet. 49: If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? - I don't know if I'd do anything crazy because I'm a pretty fair person. But I'd have a certain laws in place: don't litter, don't spit on the ground, if you're racist/sexist/etc then you will be kicked off the island.51: Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting? - Well, I'm afraid of heights and I can't swim. But I think I'll chose hand gliding because I've heard that drowning isn't very nice, and if I fall to my death it'll be over quicker.57: What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't got around to it? - Root beer! A certain supermarket near me sells it along with lots of other tasty looking American snacks/drinks and I really want some but I keep forgetting. Also, beef jerky...59: What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again? - There's A couple things. There's the first time I saw a Star Wars movie in a cinema, the first time I watched Band of Brothers and Generation Kill, and my first run though of Uncharted: Lost Legacy and Watchdogs 2. I'd love to experience them all for the first time again. 65: What fad or trend do you think should come back? - All the fads and trends that come to mind are awful (flares and platform boots being a couple) but I really like the fashion from the 1950s/1960s. I think we should bring it back. 98: What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out well? - I've done a lot of dumb things but none of them have turned out well. 144: Why would you be annoying as a roommate? - If I don't really know the other person/people, then I'm really quiet and awkward. But if I do know the other people then I don't think I'd be annoying.Thank you for the asks!! :) It kept be very busy! (I'm sorry if you can't read this properly, I can't bold or anything -_-)

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sylvaetria · 7 years ago

Text

Richtor’s FAQ

This is very long overdue (and also just very long).

This post, and any subsequent FAQ posts, will be tagged as #faq for mobile access, and I will display the tag and a link to this post in my blog description. I will also be making a page for this on my blog, and maybe reblog it at intervals for exposure.

Please read this thoroughly before asking me any questions or sending any messages. I will redirect some questions (not all) to the FAQ if the answer is there; otherwise, they will be deleted.

Updated: July 14th, 2017

Personal

What pronouns do you use?

They / them, please!

Do you mind if we call you by your birth name?

If you know it, not particularly - most people do. It’s not a matter of being triggered or feeling dysphoria if I’m not called Richtor, it’s just personal preference.

Spells and Resources

Do you have any spells / resources for _____?

Have you checked these lists?

[FAQ and Resource Masterlist]

[Spell and Sigil Masterlist]

Have you looked through my tagging system?

Have you searched my blog via the search function?

If you have not answered “yes” to all those questions, please do so before sending me any requests for spells, resources, or lists.

Half the time, I already have lists for what is being asked for, which are readily available to those that take the time look for them. I promise you, you will likely find the stuff faster if you look for it on your own, instead of waiting whatever amount of time it takes for me to see your ask, compile the links, then answer your ask.

Most of the links I provide are things that I find on my blog - I search my own blog to provide the resources you ask for. It is all already there.

What is _____ used for?

Have you searched my blog for that answer?

Have you checked Google for that answer?

Most of these messages are able to be Google’d. Sometimes I *do* Google them myself, just to try to prove a point. Especially when phrased such as “uses for _____” (which are pretty impersonal and don’t make me feel nice btw, I’m not an answer machine).

Commonly, in regards to crystals and herbs, typing “metaphysical properties of _____” into Google will help you find what you are looking for.

What does _____ term mean?

Same as above.

If I can use Google to find the answer, why don’t you just do it for me?

Because it isn’t my job to do so. Because I don’t believe I should spoon feed people these types of answers anymore, when they’re already so readily available. Because it is promoting more and more of those types of questions, and I am not very happy to answer them anymore.

Because I believe it is important that magic users know how to do research on their own, and to actually do so; to me, it is a super important and personal part of the craft, and I don’t believe there will be a lot of growth if you are not putting any effort into it yourself.

The bottom line is - I have allowed a certain type of behavior on this blog go on for far too long, and that is my own error. I should’ve been a bit more severe on my boundaries, but I wasn’t, and now a lot of people expect certain behavior and questions answered of me.

Now, however, I am putting my own boundaries as a person first before my desires for this blog, and even that is still before those that follow this blog. Basically, I’ll do what I want on my own blog, because it is my blog; what I offer to do is up to me, what I actually do is up to me.

This list has broken links, will you fix them?

Eventually, I’m sure.

What do we do in the meantime?

Use what is already there; I make my lists as full as I do in case stuff like this happens, so you still have options.

You can search for that post on my blog, it most likely will be on there. If not, go to Google, type “site:tumblr.com [name of post] [old blog name of poster],” and generally that pulls up some reblogs of that post on other blogs.

Asks and Submissions

Why have you not answered my question?

Does it fall into the list of [Questions I Will Not Answer]? If so, that may be why.

Otherwise, I may have found the content too triggering to post, or I was otherwise uncomfortable answering it or posting it. That list is not extensive, and there are lots of other things I find myself not comfortable answering.

I may not be on Tumblr when your ask gets sent, and therefore it won’t get responded to right away. I also have other things to do outside this blog, and may be busy.

There are some circumstances where I am on mobile, and I need to wait for desktop access to provide a proper answer and/or resources.

Sometimes I don’t have an answer to give; in these cases I may try to redirect you to other blogs, or ask my followers to provide advice if they can, but depending on the ask’s nature (i.e., if it can be triggering), I may just delete it.

I also have had instances of missing asks - where someone sends in a three part ask and I only get one and three - I won’t answer those sorts of things unless I have all the pieces. Tumblr is notorious for eating asks; I may not have gotten it in the first place.

There are cases where I’m just not in the mood to talk about something, so I won’t. Sometimes I try to leave it for later; if I know I will never get around to answering it, it just gets deleted.

Why do you just delete stuff you don’t want to answer?

Because it is still my blog, my ask box - I still have control over it and decide what I answer and what I post.

Aren’t you a resource blog? Don’t you *have* to help us?

No I am not a resource blog, not by my own definition. My blog was never made for it to be a resource for other people, ever. It may have become that, sure, but that was never my desire or intention. I have always used my blog as a way for me to gather information I care to know about, for my purposes; the fact that other people get use out of it too is just a side effect.

I never once bound myself to answering every question I got. I may try to help, yes, and am glad to in most situations, and while I may offer something I am still free to retract that offer whenever I wish. I am not obligated to answer asks. Again, this is still *my” blog, first and foremost. I am not getting paid to be here, I am doing what I do for free, at the cost of my own time and energy; ultimately I decide how I spend it in the end.

Why don’t you post asks you’re not comfortable answering, with messages saying so?

Because it clogs the dash, for one thing. I honestly don’t really care to either. Why would I post it if it still makes me uncomfortable? I do not need to justify that for anyone, or provide reasons for not doing so.

I am going to send you asks, asking why I haven’t been answered!

Okay, but I’m deleting them.

I am going to resend you my ask in the messaging system!

You really think pestering me to give you an answer is going to get you your answer faster? No; it’s just going to give you a snippy response, if one at all.

Can you open your submit box so we can share you things?

Sadly, no. I have had unsavory things sent to my submission box in the past, so it will never be open again.

Requests

Are sigil / spell / tarot reading requests open?

No; they have not been for a while, honestly.

If they are, I will make a post about it, change the information in my blog description, as well as the text for the ask box.

Trust me, when they are open, you will know.

Can I send a request in now for you to get to when they are open?

Nope, I don’t pre-book slots. These will just be deleted, as I feel it’s pretty disrespectful to still send in requests for a future time when they’re closed.

What if I miss the next time you have them open?

If you care that much about getting something done by me, you can receive notifications on mobile for when I post, so you would not miss the post saying I am taking requests for such things again.

Or, you know, regularly visit my blog to see.

I know your requests are closed but it’s an emergency, can you help?

I will likely send you to someone else who has similar services open.

You said requests are closed, but you still did something for so-and-so?

Yep, because I chose to; I decided I wanted to do that and so I did it. I will choose who I offer my services to, when I want to, and will not be made to feel guilty or bad for denying it when I don’t want to or feel able to do so.

I don’t think you guys understand - last time I opened requests, for maybe half an hour, I got over thirty of them. Sigils take about a half hour for me to do, from first sketches to digital format. That is over 15 hours of work, that I offer to do for free, on top of whatever else I may have going on in my life. I often can’t keep up with the amount of requests that come in, which is why they often stay closed.

Why don’t you do a limit to the number of requests?

It is something I am thinking of doing, yes, but it will still be when I feel up to doing so, and not a moment sooner.

Promos and Casting Spells

Can you do a promo for me?

Depends - have we ever interacted before outside of you asking me to promo you?

If “no,” then I will most likely not promo you.

Why not?

Because I don’t know you, and you’re basically asking a stranger if you can use their follower count as exposure for your own biz. I don’t appreciate my blog trying to be used as advertising, particularly if you have never interacted with me before on Tumblr.

If your first and only time talking to me is to ask for a promo, I am not going to be very inclined to do that for you.

Regardless, I still post what I want on my own blog, and sometimes I’m just not in the mood.

You reblogged a promo post for this person!

Yep, because I chose to - that was my decision to make for what I wanted on my blog, and I made it.

Most likely, these people are my friends, and we’ve talked beforehand and I’ve *offered* to do that for them; they don’t ask me.

Will you cast spells for me?

Same as above.

I have limited energy to do the things I need to in my own life. Sometimes I need to conserve what I have to do what I need to do - I can’t go around casting spells for every person that asks.

You offered to do a spell for this person!

Yep, because that was my own choice - I decided I wanted to. I will not be guilt tripped or forced into doing something I don’t want to do.

I have made a post about this [here].

Other Blog Biz

Will you put long posts under a “read more” cut?

Not likely - in the instance of my blog ever being deleted, most things under “read more” disappear forever. I want my information to remain intact in case of accidental (or otherwise) deletion.

On desktop, you can hit the “J” key to skip past an entire post. I also tag long posts as such on my blog, and Xkit has a blacklist option which can be used to filter those posts.

For mobile, well I’m sorry, you’re just gonna have to scroll for a few seconds.

I use “read more” cuts for personal matters or trigger warnings, not for long posts.

For now, that is all, although I am sure I will be editing this and adding more to it as time goes by.

#faq #Richtor's faq #richtors faq #long post

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whereintheworldisclairerans-blog · 7 years ago

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Heyyyyyyyy

WOW Sorry it’s been so long you guys! I’m currently sitting in my now 100% furnished and decorated apartment in Madrid, listening to the numerous buses and people talking to each other in the street in Spanish and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve been here a little more than a week now and it’s starting to feel like I’m here to stay. Just in time for me to leave again! Ha. We’ll get there though. So very much catching up to do, I don’t even know where to begin. Probably where I left off would be good, would’t it? That would be... Hamburg? I think so.

Our direct train did, in fact, end up being a direct train *hooray*. Jordan and I were both extremely productive and sketched a plan for my apartment (which ended up being pretty accurate) and wrote out goals, aspirations, etc. After waiting outside of our AirBnb for a while because we didn’t know which doorbell to ring, we found ourselves living in the land of luxury with a.... wait for it.... KING SIZE BED. After sharing full size beds (and/or mattress on the floor or just straight up floor) for the month, it was pretty exciting to starfish out and each have plenty of room. We made our typical dinner of pasta and wine and each hung out on our respective social medias, got caught up on emails, etc. We woke up around noon the next day and decided to treat ourselves to brunch. Jordan, being the TripAdvisor master of the trip, found us the perfect little place that was a brunch BUFFET. I honestly don’t know why more brunch places at home aren’t like that. You pay for the plate and a drink and then you just pick whatever you want. You can eat and eat and eat and ITS AMAZING. After stuffing ourselves to the brim, we decided to walk it off and spent the day rambling through the city center. It was lovely because Hamburg reminded us both remarkably of Denver, just with a lot more water. There was very similar architecture and the general vibe just felt like home. It was simultaneously comforting and a little bit heartbreaking, given that I don’t know when I will be home next. *cries a little* We decided to go shopping for some warmer layers, and I mooned over a backpack in an outdoors store. Which, despite the best efforts of the salesman, I did not end up buying. We ended the afternoon in yet another gorgeous park with warm chocolate and banana crepes before walking the three miles back to our AirBnb. That night, we decided to double check the check-in time of our reservation for Berlin, hoping that we could go into the city earlier to make the most out of our time there. And it was then that we had our first and only issue with any booking or accommodation. The AirBnb host in Berlin had canceled our reservation the day after we booked it (several weeks earlier) and we were never notified. So in a scramble, we had to book another one, that ended up being way farther outside of the city and nearly twice the cost. (AirBnb has compensated me a little, but to say it was inconvenient would be an understatement). We couldn’t check into Berlin until 4pm, so we decided to hit the brunch place again the next morning and properly stuffed ourselves before getting on the train.

And what a train ride it was. German trains are such a joke. We had become quite the pros at arriving on time, finding seats together and getting settled before departure. This time, however, the train just continued to sit there and sit there. We didn’t care, we had music and seats and that was all that mattered. Until everyone started to leave the train. We rolled our eyes, cringed and prepared for another travel day like the one from Zurich to Cologne. Luckily though, we asked the people next to us what was going on. They explained that the train route had been changed and that it was no longer going to the Berlin Central Station, but to the West Station. If we wanted to, we could run with the other 500000 people to catch a train leaving in 5 minutes, or we could stay on this one and arrive slightly later. SURPRISE we stayed on the nearly empty train, which ended up going to the central station anyways. Suckers. We did, however, get in much later than we had anticipated and we had booked tickets to this film festival that one of Jordan’s favorite bands did the score for. So we hustled to the AirBnb, dropped all of our stuff and then immediately left again to the complete opposite side of town. We followed the hipsters from the train, to the bus, to this cool set of warehouses, where we arrived half an hour late but nothing had started yet. Beers and popcorn in hand, we chatted with a super nice Spanish girl for a while before taking our seats to watch the movies. The theme for the night was on politics, with a specific focus on the nuclear bomb, so the first movie was Dr. Strangelove and the second was a documentary called The Bomb. 10/10 would recommend seeing both. It was very powerful and a cool experience. The next day was the day we had been waiting for the whole trip, the only thing that we had booked before we left, the Moderat concert! It ended up being Jordan’s big hipster day out, that started with her getting a tattoo, then some kombucha (and a coffee for me) and then we walked around the East Side Gallery (art that was done along the wall in the 90s), before heading home to get ready for the show. We had originally planned to get there early, but you all know how that goes... So we ended up arriving with the massive hoards of people getting off the train, then casually walking through a forest to get to the venue, where we promptly stood in line for two hours waiting to get in. We completely missed the opening band, and the first few songs of Moderat’s set, but it was worth it once we were in. We were able to make our way down to the front of the massive venue and danced our asses off. And then we got a snack before the looooooong trek home, where we literally squeezed into the metro with thousands of other people (where I met a very nice Spanish woman) and then onto a bus, and then a long walk back to the apartment. It didn’t matter though because we were both in incredibly good moods and it felt like we were in 7th grade again, dancing in the street and obsessing over how good the show was.

The next day was our “historical Berlin” day, where we saw more of the wall, learned about the failed and successful escape attempts, and what life was like on the East side. From there we went to a museum called “Topography of Terror” which was quite frankly the most depressing and terrifying thing we did our whole trip and maybe in my whole life. Without getting too into it, it was a museum about how Hitler came into power, and a very thorough documentation of what he did with it. The scary part, though, was in how many parallels there were in 1930s-40s Germany and 2017 in America. Food for thought. To get ourselves even more depressed, we went to the Memorial for the Murdered Jews of Europe, which was hauntingly beautiful. Our spirits were lifted though hearing the peals of laughter coming from the small children to whom the giants stones were nothing more than a playground, something for them to play “hide and go seek” behind. We decided to treat ourselves to Asian food for dinner, and went to this beautiful restaurant, that was full of upper middle class couples and playing rather explicit rap. It was an interesting evening. Our last day in Berlin was a pretty mellow one, traveling for a month was catching up to us and we spent the day chilling in a park and in a cute little coffee shop. That night we made ourselves our last plates of pasta and wine and binged Grace and Frankie.

AND THEN WE WERE OFF TO MADRID! A 4 hour flight and 3 metro trains later we arrived at MY APARTMENT! I cannot even begin to describe the relief that I felt at realizing that it was a real place, I hadn’t been scammed and that I really did have a place to live for the next few months. Jordan really didn’t feel well, so I left her sleeping and spent the day getting the immediate things we needed (AKA sheets and my credit card) and signing my lease. We ordered pizza to properly break in the apartment, and though it was rather loud that night in the apartment, definitely a wake up call to the fact that I voluntarily chose to live in international student housing, it has since gotten much better. The next day was the second day that we had been waiting for the entire trip - IKEA DAY! We took a half an hour long metro ride and then a 15 minute walk and loaded me up with (almost) everything I needed. It was a hilariously exhausting trip back, but we managed to carry everything that we bought in our hands, trekked back to the metro and then to my apartment. I am the kind of mover that likes to get everything done in one day, so I dragged Jordan out again and we had the BEST TIME. All that we had left to buy were hardware (screwdriver, fan, etc) and home goods (laundry detergent, trash bags), so we did some google mapping until we found what we thought was the perfect place. And then it was closed. Dejected, exhausted and done for the day, we started to make our way back home. We had passed this little store selling coffee makers and specialty coffee, and Jordan recommended that we stop in, knowing how much I need my morning fix. The guy who helped us was unbelievably friendly, and pointed us in the direction of a store two blocks away that would have everything else we needed. We went there next, to be helped by two more incredibly nice guys and got EVERYTHING. Arms full of shopping bags, we went to pick up some takeout for dinner and I realized that I had forgotten the one thing that I actually really needed, trash bags. I left Jordan with all the stuff, ran back into the shop to grab some and realized I didn’t have any cash. The machine could only do credit card transactions over $5, so the guy just let me take them and told me to just pay him tomorrow. Can you believe that?? I love this place.

The next day, after a few more shopping adventures, we decided to tourist around a little. First stopping at Atocha (the train station) to pick up our train tickets for Barcelona the next day, then going to el Retiro (park) and around downtown to get back home. We tried to get to bed early that night because our train left at 8am the next day, but naturally only slept for about 4 hours. We dragged ourselves out of bed, managed to make it to the train station on time, and 2.5 hours later we were in Barcelona! It was incredible to be back in the city that originally made me fall in love with Spain and we headed directly for the beach, where we spent the whole day listening to the familiar anthem of “Cervezaaaaaa beer agua waaaaaater cervezaaaaa sangriaaaa.” Jordan was not a fan, but I felt completely at home. It alternated between being sunny and cloudy all day, which made it the perfect temperature for swimming and laying. I was thrilled. It was dinnertime before I knew it, and we treated ourselves to a Menu del Dia, where Jordan had her first paella, patatas bravas and crema catalana. We were so relaxed that we nearly missed our last train, but we did in fact make it back to the apartment nearly 18 hours after left. We slept hard that night, and then it was Jordan’s last day. We spent our last few hours together relaxing, packed up her things, went to the store, and then had one last dinner and gelato. I went with her to the airport, and we sat together and looked at photos to kill time before we parted ways. I fought back tears the entire way home and then was greeted by all the roommates heading up to the terrace for a free drink. I decided to join them to try to be social, but wasn’t really in the mood and after a polite amount of time went back to bed.

I’ve spent the past couple days on my own running errands and getting settled in. I went for my first run around el Retiro, caught a gorgeous sunset along Gran Via, opened a bank account, joined a gym and am basically 100% settled in. I have a few more things to get done today, and then tomorrow I’m to Sweden for the weekend to visit Hanna! I can’t believe it, I got to see her just a few months ago in Colorado and now again! WOOO Europe is the best.

I’ll be there until Sunday, and then will spend next week doing more exploring of Madrid and maybe taking an overnight trip somewhere (since I have two travel days left on the Eurail pass whooo whooo). I’ll try to do better keeping you all posted!

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gemflowerrr · 8 years ago

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My special friend.

What’s the difference?

Type: Fluff, (future) angst. pairing: Yoongi, suga x (y/n) Crystal (Stage name.) Note: This is my first fanfic about a real life person, might not be the best! the idea of being friends and falling in love with one of the boys always fascinated me and I loved the angst in some I have read that were genius! But I didn’t find many so I decided to make my own :) I don’t really know why I chose suga, he’s not my bias actually I have no bias I want ‘em all :P This is going to have probably A LOT of parts, since I don’t like moving too fast and I wanna show the friendship element. Please tell me if you like it and excuse any grammatical errors since English is not my 1st language.

thoughts, texts, important stuff, EMPHASIS, YELLING

what’s the difference? I ask myself when clearly I do not know the answer. What’s the difference between loving someone romantically and someone friendly? Is there a difference? Is it big? How do I find out? I really am an idiot, sure I am. I am wondering if I’m in love with my best friend what’s wrong with me!? I glared at my reflection on the mirror, is that weird? Everything is weird about me. For a friend you care, you think of them and their well-being, you smile when they’re happy and cry together when in sadness, you want to spend time with them and help find a solution to their problem… So what’s the difference with a crush though? Is it that strong urge to kiss or do the dirty with them? Or the so called butterflies and heartbeats? How can I find out the difference? I am never watching a romance film again, I can’t stand these thoughts! my sick mind always asks sick questions, I am disgusted with myself. As I scold myself I heard my phone ring, I had two messages but didn’t hear the first one, my best friend had sent me two messages… Well… My second best friend! My first best friend, best sister best BEST friend is Friday, better known with her stage name cherry. My sick ill-minded self once thought I liked her too, thank god it wasn’t like that! Yoongi for some reason seemed super excited in this texts since he put three exclamation points in his hey.

Grandpa😎👴: (y/n), I have really cool news to tell you, call me if you can. Grandpa😎👴: Call me now. Grandpa😎👴: please :)

Please? That’s weird… what’s so good? I called him immediately. “Suga?” … “Crystal!" The movie you love is coming out in a few days want meto buy tickets? Tellme quickly though before they get sold out!" Weird, Min yoongi being so excited for a movie? 'Yoongi…” “Yeah?” I thought for a moment, reminding myself that despite his laziness and coldness on the outside he was always a good friend to me, I smiled and answered, “Yes! I would love to see that movie so… I’m assuming you’re coming too??” I asked as I smiled, a smile that resembled a dirty stain on a shirt that never goes away, Looking through my drawers searching for a pen, I suddenly felt in the mood to draw. Maybe I’ll draw him. “Of course, why would I buy them if I wasn’t?” I laughed out loud, he had a point. “Dummy…” I heard him say silently. “How much do the tickets cost? I hope they’re not too expensive, i’ll pay for mine.” I hate it when people buy me stuff, I feel guilty as fuck but at the same time I kind of like it, I’m confusing. I treasure every present anyone has ever bough me though, especially yoongi’s! “No, (y/n) I want to buy them! And I also need to talk to you about something.” Talk to me… About what? Does he want to stop being friends? did something bad happen, is he MOVING? “Wh- What is it about?” I stuttered nervously. “I’ll tell you on Saturday, be patient.” I whined loudly, “At least give me a hint gramps! You know I get nervous whenever someone tells me they want to talk… You want to stop being friends?" I took a piece of paper and started drawing a raw sketch of yoongi’s face, I was good at drawing manga. 'No, Noooo! Chill you idiot.” He chuckled “It’s good news.” The slight pain I had in my tummy slowly disappeared and i sighed relieved, thank god. “Ahh, that’s good!” As I continued to draw him, particularly the details of his face I heard a female voice call him “oppa.” and he excused himself quickly, I listened to ther conversation carefully. “Hey, sorry about that so what were you saying?” His voice of all of a sudden sounded really happy and a bit embarrassed, “ Um, It’s alright. Who was that? Where are you?” I couldn’t hold myself from asking, I was curious not jealous, I am never jealous just curious… “I’m out with a… Friend? Yeah, Nan Hee.” A friend, he said it weirdly. I smiled, maybe he has a crush on her? That’s nice, I’m happy for him. “That’s cool, is that what you to talk to me about?” I laughed cheekily. “I’ll Tell you on Saturday.” He answered right awat sounding a bit embarrassed. “ Alright, Is Nan Hee coming with us?” Please say no, For some reason I didn’t want her to come with us… Why don'ti want her with us? Am I a bad friend? “No it will be just us.” I sighed relieved, I put the pen down and stared at my half-done drawing of yoongi. I feel so guilty… “Suga, I have to go. Have fun, okay?” I said quietly with a sincere smile on my face. “Alright, granny! Get some sleep, don’t stay up all night watching kdramas. Sleep is good for you.” I laughed, “Yes, alright. Thank you…" He hung up. I laid on my bed. thinking of out conversation. Nan Hee huh? That’s a nice name. My stomach sunk, it hurt so bad. Why am I like this?? I opened my phone to see if I had any texts I didn’t answer and if not probably watch a video on youtube, particularly pewdiepie. I saw a text message from yoongi. It was a selfie of him and I assumed Nan Hee. "Ah~ She’s really pretty, they look so cute together.” I said out loud, pouting. Why am I pouting? “Why do I do this? Stop thinking about this. you are NOT in love with your best friend!” I took my pillow and screamed into it, I’m disgusting.

The next day I got up and gpt ready for work, the girls were waiting for me at our shared bandbus . Everyone was there except the twins who always arrives five minutes after I did Or before. I felt weird but as always my idiot best friend which I love to death automatically made me feel better, she always did that I do not know how. It’s not that I feel obligated to feel better I just do without realizing it, Cherry was Indeed something special! For a few minutes I had forgotten completely About Yoongi and Nan Hee. I Heard my phone ding, Grandpa😎👴 has sent you a message.> I couldn’t respond though, I didn’t have the wifi connected, How did this get sent though? Weird. I opened the wifi and a few messages from Yoongi came up. Grandpa😎👴 has sent you a voice message, Grandpa😎👴 has sent you two photos.>

Grandpa😎👴: Hey are you up? it’s so damn early. Grandpa😎👴:You’re probably sleeping, I had to get up so early today I hate this 😭

He sent me a message with a selfie of him and jhope in the mirror, taehyung was photo bombing. I smiled like a goof.

Grandpa😎👴: Look what they made us wear, I think it’s kind of cute.

“it is!” I talked out loud without realizing it, “What is?” Asked Jaehee one of my band memebers and close friend. “Yoongi sent me a photo with the outfit they’re gonna wear for the competition, it’s kind of cute!” She raised her eyebrow and came closer to see the picture, “Oh really? Lemme see… Yeah, it’s okay I guess.” She looked at it carefully, “But it would be a lot better if they had worn something darker, black suits them a lot.” We became friends with BTS back when we first debuted, they debuted earlier than us of course. Since then we all have gotten really close. It’s really nice! I scrolled down to see the other photo message and/// Uh.. There goes the pain again in my stomach… It’s Nan Hee.

Grandpa😎👴: Doesn’t she look super cute? Do you know where can I buy similar to earings she’s wearing?

Anywhere probably… And lastly the voice message.

“Hey where are you? Is everything alright? Are you sleeping? You usually text me back immediately… It’s weird, you better not be a snob you hoe. Text me ok?”

“Ah there he goes again.. ” I glared at the screen of my phone, “ Calling me a hoe this bitch…” I texted him the reason I didn’t respond and called him a bitch because he called me a hoe, we didn’t mean it’s kind our thing?

Grandpa😎👴: We’re coming, I’ll talk to you soon.

I put my phone down and went to talk to the girls who seemed to have a very heated argument about a disagreement they had for a kdrama, “Everyone, bangtan are coming.” I smiled at them and sat next to berry. “Finally, I got so bored I can’t stand these fights about kdramas!” Jin nam complained, “They are not fights, we just have some disagreements!” They started bickering again. I couldn’t help but smile at them, it’s not the fact that it’s funny I appreciated this, them. The life I had was nice, life is okay. I started getting in my own world, I didn’t concentrate on what they were saying since I was too busy thinking, I was too deep in my thoughts. TOO DEEP. The boys arrived after a few minutes, they greeted us and we started talking about how the show will go on, we were supposed to compete with each other in some water slides and such, these kind of stuff I loved but also gave me anxiety. Yoongi came closer to me whispering in my ear that later he wants us to talk, Jin nam explained the rules and Namjoon told us what the producers had told him. After a while the show had started and we all had a lot of fun, of course wen the diammon roses won, everyone was exhausted but happy too.Time with bangtan passed quickly, so damn quickly… While we laughed, talked and had fun all together I found myself starring at yoongi, to be honest I did often especially to him. This time though it was unpleasant and maybe kind of weird, more so than ordinary, I was torturing myself by asking if I actually like him that way or not of course there was no answer… “Why am I doing this again?” Speaking out loud mty thoughts was one of my worst habits, “Hm?” Yoongi turned around and looked at me with a weird expression, “Doing what again?” He asked curiously. What an idiot, I instinctively answered right away, “I’m being an idiot,” He smiled, “ You always are!” What a good friend I have, I furrowed my eyebrows… You know gramps you ain’t better! “But we love you, even if you change… We’ll still love you..!” I stayed silent just watching him, looking closely at they way he looked, sounded while saying it. With a warm smile on his face, with an even warmer gaze and eyes full of… what? what the… Does he have stars in his eyes what the fuck? Why is everything in slow motion? I probably looked like a cow, with the way I was looking at him. Admiration? gratitude, amazement? Or… Love? I wanted to smile but felt kind of shy and embarrassed. “Really?” He nodded with confidence, I looked away feeling my cheeks burning, “Love me…” I whispered quietly to myself. “Let’s go for a walk later okay?” I looked confused at first but then realized that he wanted to talk about Nan Hee.

A few months past by and their relationship got stronger and deeper but I was still confused with my feeling, no progress was made despite my efforts. I wanted to be happy for yoongi, he was happy so I should’ve been too but I felt… Weird. Nan hee was such a sweet girl! She was confident, kind, hard-working but had a temper she wasn’t perfect, she had flaws but even If I wanted to I couldn’t hate her. she’s a beautiful human being, from the inside and out, she was so admirable, I liked and still like her a lot and I think she liked me tto, I’m glad. Even though they have been together for a few months now they have never kissed or showed much affection infront of me, maybe because suga knew I would feel uncomfortable despite our close friendship. I groaned in pain snuggled on the couch “watching” t.v, what’s wrong with my stomach? “Are you ok?” Yoongi asked with a raised eyebrow, “Mhm, yeah…” I smiled not paying attention to the piercing pain in my stomach. “Alright then come here so I can lay on the couch!” He was sitting on the cushion chair. “Heh, smartass, why? Don’t you like the cushion ball?” I pouted. “No, I want couch.” I smirked and put me earphones on, “Too bad gramps!” He got up from the cushion chair/ball and plopped himself on me, forcing me to give him some space on the couch, “Ow.” “Sorry, I love your couch also you’re squishy and soft so you’re cool, I don’t mind.” He looked at me with a smug look,he made a grimace and I laughed out loud. “ Are you calling me a couch?” I asked with my voice higher than usual, acting melo-dramatic. “Maybe, what are you listening to?” I offered him my left earphone, “Urban zakapa, I don’t love you.” He made a grimace again, probably wondering why am I listening to such a sad song. “That’s… A really sad song, are you depressed or something? Did anyone dump you? Or they put you on a diet again?” “No, No… Even if they did put me on a die I would all I want without caring and you know it…” He chuckled at my answer, “It’s just that… I like it because it’s different. It’s a love song but it’s not, it’s not like the other songs that when they break-up they get someone better and talk trash abut the other person. It’s a break-up song but it feels me up with hurtful, sad love not hate… The title is "I don’t love you” But the song feels the total opposite to me, despite the lyrics! Hpw do I explain this… it’s sim-“ "So simple yet so difficult. ” I smiled at him feeling kind of proud. “See you get me!”

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