#that didnt just hurt
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We are well beyond canary in the coalmine warning levels with the way trans people and particularly trans women are treated on this site.
Maybe you've heard the metaphor of allowing wolves and sheep to share the same space, welcoming everyone. You end up with just wolves because allowing them in that space makes it unsafe for any sheep. Or the story about how a nazi goes into a dive bar and is refused service. The bartender then explains to someone else at the bar that if you serve them once they tell their friends and before you know it you're the nazi bar they all go to and normal customers don't feel safe.
Terfs and other bigots are seeing these targeted harassment campaigns succeed against trans women and rejoicing. They see Tumblr ban them and officially stand by those decisions as endorsement for their harassment. It's a sign to bigots across the internet that Tumblr is a good place for them.
And what's more is that a lot of us probably don't realize just how much trans women contribute to Tumblr. The women banned recently were sources of site-wide memes and posts I wasn't even aware originated from them.any years old memes and references can be traced back to trans women on this site.
How many of these folks have to be removed before this is no longer a site you want to be a part of it? Sure you cultivate your own experience, but you can't follow or interact with people who aren't here. And if I wanted to interact with the nazis and terfs I'd go to reddit.
I encourage everyone to reblog this. Trans women shouldn't have to be the only ones speaking out against the bigotry they're experiencing. They shouldn't be the only ones risking their blogs being nuked by staff. We have to stand with them.
#i didnt want to make this a post about how their being oppressed impacts you too#but honestly trans women contribute way more to this site's culture than pretty much any other single group of people#taking them out#and especially the more well known ones#absolutely destroys community#i think not just the trans community here though it definitely does that#but its also tearing away at the overall site community#if tumblr doesnt get shit under control this will hurt them more in the long run than anything else#protect trans women#thats what youve gotta do staff
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Do you still care, or you just dont wanna be rude?
#im still dead#on the not needing#your services anymore#like dude I've been in love#with you since highschool.#that didnt just hurt#a bit okay#i hope i die rich#and make it your problem#why did i say that
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“Dustin isn’t coming.”
“What?” Eddie says, all frantic and jovial movements freezing instantly.
His eyes narrow on Lucas--the bearer of bad news. “Why?”
“Family emergency.”
Mike makes a face. “I saw his mom yesterday and she was fine, so is this a…?”
He makes a gesture that is entirely incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t Sinclair and his terrifying girlfriend.
(At least, Eddie thinks Max is Lucas’s girlfriend this week. It got a little hard to keep up after the third break-up-make-up marathon, and he frankly, stopped bothering to try.
It helped that she barely spoke--The only time notable being when Eddie had mockingly asked Sinclair if he needed a cheerleader when she’d first sat in, upon which she’d asked Eddie if he needed new kneecaps with a look in her eye that said she was serious.)
Wheeler Jr.’s gesture however, made her put her book down.
“You think he’s having migraines again?” She not so much asked as demanded, which had Mike shrugging.
“Dunno." Lucas says. "Dustin didn’t say.”
“Gotta be, if he called Dustin.” Mike mutters, Lucas shuffling his papers about as he begins to set up for Hellfire. He was the last in the room, practically late, which Eddie had planned on harassing him for had he not announced Henderson’s absence.
(Fucking freshmen. They just weren’t terrified of Eddie like they used to be.)
“Robin must be sick or something, otherwise he’d call her.” Lucas finishes as he finally sits down.
“Didn’t the Marching Band go on some trip?” Mike turns to address the rest of the table, and gets nods from Jeff and Gareth both.
“Yeah they’re marching in some parade in Indianapolis.” Jeff confirms.
“So his last resort was Dustin?” Max is getting that tone in her voice, the one that makes everyone at Hellfire very uncomfortable. “Typical.”
She pushes away from the table, making a show of gathering up her things before rising easily to her feet.
Eddie trades looks with the elder Hellfire members as she makes her exit--the kind that says they’re all going to be talking about this later.
They knew their freshmen had some weird obsession with the former King, of course, but Mayfield too?
What the hell was up with that guy?
At least Eddie thinks, right before things are once again shot to shit, they can go back to playing the game.
He can make it work this early into things, and if Henderson isn't’ a fan of what he’s about to do to the kid’s character in his absence, well.
Maybe he shouldn’t be fucking absent then.
“So what, Max, you're gonna go over there and make it worse?” Mike snorts.
Fatal mistake.
Eddie almost strangles him for it, if only because it prolongs this entire unnecessary conversation.
Max performs a military perfect heel turn, coming straight back for Wheeler Jr., which makes him right about fall out of his seat in panic.
“What was that, Wheeler?”
“I’m just saying--!”
“We don’t know Steve’s having migraines.” Lucas reiterates, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Maybe it’s something else.”
“Does Steve get migraines a lot?” Grant asks, because despite all appearances he’s a terrible gossip and gets sucked in far too easily.
Eddie throws a pencil at him for it.
“Hel-looo, we have a game!?” He thunders, but unfortunately for him, precious Stevie-Weavies headache now has everyone’s attention.
“Yeah, though he’s really good at pretending he doesn’t.” Lucas answers with a put upon sigh.
“There’s a whole pattern--he ignores it until it gets super bad, then he has to call Robin or Dustin to come get him when he inevitably gets stranded at work or the like, grocery store.”
“Well who else do you think he’d call?” Mike scoffs again. He does a lot of that, when discussing Harrington. “It’s not like his parents are--Ow, Max!”
“Close your mouth before I close it for you.” She hisses and Mike, shockingly, does just that.
To Eddie, she says;
“Your ass isn’t any better, or did you forget I live across from you?”
Eddie--who had an insult primed and ready--promptly shuts his mouth.
(Fucking! Asshole! Freshmen!)
“Maybe I should go too.” Lucas says, hedging a look between his girlfriend and his DM.
“No.” She snaps, pointing a finger at him.
“If you go, then this idiot,” she flicks her finger to Mike, “will go and then we really will make it worse. Stay here before your bichon frise has a fit about all his sheep abandoning him.”
Then she’s turning on her heel again, storming out.
“What the hell’s a bichon frisé?” Gareth asks in the aftermath, frowning.
“It’s a type of ahhhh--” Jeff clearly thinks better of the explanation, eyes sliding to Eddie.
Who’s scowling.
“I know what a bichon frisé is, Jeff.” He snaps.
“I don’t.” Grant loudly complains.
Jeff attempts to both calm Eddie and explain while Mike and Lucas spend far too many minutes looking after Max.
“Enough!” Eddie howls, temper finally getting the best of him. “Are we playing or do you also need to go sit by the King’s bedside?”
“Thank you,” Mike says, like he wasn’t a third of the entire problem. “Let’s play!”
They make it about ten entire minutes before getting knocked off track again.
In fairness, not that Eddie would ever admit it--the second meltdown is his own fault.
xXx
Hellfire is Eddie’s domain.
It’s one of the few places where he could relax without getting harassed or hounded, and having his freshmen--his!--abandon him for King Fucking Steve had set him off.
So he’d made a few comments about it.
Maybe introduced an NPC who sounded suspiciously similar to Harrington, only to instantly kill him off.
Made another couple of nasty comments.
Who cares? It worked him through his snit rather nicely, and his boys all knew to leave him be.
Except, apparently, for Lucas.
“Dude, would you lay off?” The kid finally snaps, pencil slamming down on the table.
Which is the most backbone-like thing anyone has ever heard Sinclair say, and he gets far more whistles for it than he should.
Eddie pins him in place with a glare.
“What was that Sinclair?” He snarls, voice as menacing as he can make it.
(It’s pretty terrifying, he’s practiced quite a bit with it.)
Sinclair flinches, but doesn’t back down.
“I said lay off. Steve has migraines because of--” He stops, before seeming to come to a decision. “Because of me. He took a hit for me, and I owe him a life debt for it.”
To Eddie, he says; “You get what those are, right?”
Mike rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t just for you--”
“That time with Billy was!” Lucas is quick to snarl. “But you know what Mike, you’re right. It wasn’t just for me. He T-boned a car for all of us!”
Sinclaire is on his feet now, which is the unfortunate moment that Eddie realizes he has once again lost control of the room.
A situation he firmly blames on Steve Harrington, because he’s petty.
“Or did you forget that part? That’s you, me, Will, Nancy and Jonathan right there! Nevermind the tunnel. Or the junkyard!
“We had the junkyard handled--”
Lucas scoffs.
“We absolutely did not.”
“I don’t get why you’re all making such a big deal out of this. He’s the fighter. That’s what he does. That’s why we brought him to the tunnel.”
“You recall what happened at Starcourt, right?” Lucas challenges, furious. “You did see him after, right?”
This, finally, seems to shut Mike up.
“Shouldn’t you be mad at him for that?” He says after a moment, and the rest of Hellfire has completely put aside all actual gaming to watch this play out with a morbid sort of fascination.
Eddie allows it, only because he’s trying to breathe the way Wayne taught him to before he loses it entirely and throws both of the idiot kids out of the drama room.
“He pulled your sister into it.”
“Have you met Erica!? You can’t pull her into shit!” Lucas spits furiously. “That wasn’t D&D, Mike. It was the Upsi--real life.”
Lucas is quick to correct himself, even in the heat of the moment--as all the kids are, like the entire school hasn’t clocked that they have some weird ass secret they’re terrible at hiding.
“And if we’re playing those games, then who pulled him into the tunnels? Who made him come to the junkyard?”
“Dustin.” Mike says snidely.
“You don’t get to blame Dustin when Steve was the only person around.”
“There were people around! They just weren’t people who--weren’t--who couldn’t--”
“Finish that sentence.” Lucas demands
“Be trusted.” Mike spits out, like it hurts him.
“Exactly.”
“El went through way more than Steve ever has! El--”
“El was using her po--doing mage things! And also, she shouldn’t have had to go through all this shit either! We can’t rely on her to save the day every single time, Mike--and look at how hurt she gets!”
“She--”
“She hides it from you, you know. How bad she hurts. Cause she wants to put your feelings first.”
“I--”
“Will does too.” Is Lucas’s parting shot. His backpack is in his hands in a blink, papers and character figure shoved wildly into it, before he’s storming out the door in a poor mimicry of Mayfield.
“Harrington T-Boned a car?” Grant says, in the resounding silence.
“That BMW of his hasn’t had a scratch on it--” Jeff says, with an inquisitive tilt to his head.
“He didn’t use the Beamer.” Mike interrupts, angry and sulking. “Are we playing or not?”
“I’m gonna say not, given we are down two players.’ Eddie tells him through clenched teeth.
“I’m going to be so mad if Steve doesn’t have a migraine.” Mike grumbles, as he begins packing up his stuff.
The rest of Hellfire follow his lead, after one look at Eddie’s face convince the lot of them that it’s best to flee now, before Eddie unleashes all his pent up rage.
“Not as mad as I’ll be, Wheeler.” Eddie promises darkly.
And it is a promise--because now, he’s going to follow all his stupid (sans Mike, who isn’t in his good graces either but at least stayed) freshmen--and go visit one fallen King.
If Harrington doesn’t have a headache now, he will when Eddie’s done with him.
#steves kids are his kids#first and always#well later it becomes Steve and Eddies kids but#pre S4#pre steddie#IDK if I'll write more but this would lead up to a hurt/comfort fic#because Dustin bless him is great at many things but head injuries and the care of them arent one of them#he is in fact#making it worse lmao#So the plan was for Eddie to show up#rip roaring mad#and just wanting to take it out on someone he didnt care about#only to find himself caring after steve#but also#I wanted to focus on Lucas#and Lucas's relationship#he and Steve are bros#steve harrington#eddie munson#hellfire#0o0 fanfics
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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(nature au) you said that while dale dislikes dev using a cane in the house he doesn’t really care too much, but what if dev used a cane in public? i can’t imagine dale would be okay with that at all. he’d be pissed, like confiscate the cane kind of pissed
Originally the gag here was just going to be Dev clinging onto his dads arm for dear life while he shivers like a chihuahua but he is just. So small.. I couldnt get it to look reasonable
Bonus:
#The horror of putting Dev in a situation where he would 100% be wearing his sunglasses#Like NOOO the perfectly construction expression of horror I was going to give him#fop nature au#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop dev#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#fop dale#fop peri#art#digital art#fanart#I cant tell if I got the tone right with this one#Theres a very careful balance I try to strike with comedy vs horror and Im not sure if I got it#I also try to keep a sort of balance when depicting characters that are just straight up awful#I dont like depicting characters as cartoonishly evil but I also dont want to make him seem overly sympathetic#or like he's 'deep down a good person' because he's straight up not#He's awful and selfish. What he's done to his son makes him deeply uncomfortable with himself#but that discomfort means absolutely nothing when he refuses to change or become a better person#and he does refuse to change. changing is hard#he still keeps hurting Dev at every turn and maybe to tries to justify it to himself as being for Devs own good#but regardless he is still refusing to listen to him and hurting him even more in the process#idk im rambling#I like to keep the abuse balanced out with these nothing little concessions on Dales part#tbh even this concession didnt come from the good of his heart he just wanted to avoid making a scene#also because the visual of Dale deciding CARRYING him everywhere is better than just letting him have his cane is very funny to me
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Imagine if he started getting scared of bridges too
#idk man these are so half-assed but i spent way too much time for it to only rot in my gallery#and i literally have 0 energy to finish this or like add more sketches for context#aa#ace attorney#aa4#seven year gap#ace attorney fanart#I THREW THE CONTEXT IN THE TRASH BIN FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELVES UEFHHHHH#the bridge didnt snapped if you cant tell#he was just reminiscing the fall after it creaked#anyways#fml#fanart#art#ace attorney art#aa art#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#this is hurt/comfort but i threw the comfort as well#i hate this#DELETING IF IT FLOPS IM GONNAKMS#“we as a community should make him cry more” i have never nodded so hard ever in my life
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when a character says "please don't do this" and they're begging: 🥺
when a character says "please don't do this" as a warning:
#🐉#i lose my shit every time when you can just tell all hell is about to break loose because someone didnt take the threat seriously#when you see someone visibly make the decision 'i dont want to hurt you but i can and will if you give me no other option'#ugh its so good
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out of your friends which are you?! (skilltobers 13, 15, 16, 17, 18)
#my art#GODDD#disco elysium#animation#skilltober#skilltober 2024#disco elysium skills#de shivers#de half light#de endurance#de physical instrument#de electrochemistry#de fanart#high effort posting i BUSTED MY ASS FOR THIS#i never animate. which i think you can tell#i might toss the stills and animations and stuff as jpegs and gifs in a reblog later but before that some design details!#couldnt design half light exactly how i wanted but i needed him to look unsettling. Lol#he's naked. he's vulnerable. he is an exposed nerve. he is the walking talking “bite them before they bite you because they have before”#so...a little bit peeled looking lol. tall and gangly and spindly but hunched over to look animalistic and threatening#i didnt want to kill myself doing all the markings on every frame but he's got eyespots!#nature's way of mimicking something more powerful than you (generalization idgaf about peacocks)#and his bones are marked out right beside them. but dont pay attention to them just pay attention to those eyes. dont hurt this guy#idk if im getting it across in a way that makes sense#but yeah. digitigrade because he deserves it#i dont have much to say abt the others theyre pretty generic#bye bye i need to draw threshold tomorrow#fanart
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vent/comfort art to keep myself present during ptsd flashing
#actually im not gonna queue im just gonna post it now yahoo eat well#no context to what triggered him bc i didnt want to try going into stuff like that today#maybe leo got a bit hurt/lost and raph was in a sensitive spot#u can make up uir own thing#im tireed im gonna go to bed#this is ok to reblog btw#sunset duo#big comfort... snff...#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#my art#nordidia art
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people love to talk about invincible for it's over the top gore and violence, but i really do think the show's writing is at it's best when it's just two people have a conversation
#LIKE UGH#this scene + 'you dad. i'd still have you' are probably my two fave scenes in the entire show like WOWW#the casualness...the familiarity.....the intimacy........like wow#you can tell just how much rex and eve care for each other despite the fact that rex has hurt eve so deeply#and you can tell how much rex regrets hurting eve just based on how he talks about all of the stuff that eve went through on her own#and how rex was given the opportunity to grow and change because of her LIKE!!!!!#also all the references to the rex splode prequel comic...rex hiding in her room for a year...eve showing rex her family portrait#(which didnt happen in the comic so i am assuming their gonna add it to their eventual adaptation of the comic plz)#AND EVE my beautiful princess who deserves the world and then some#atom eve#rex splode#invincible#shut up birdy#that one oomf who doesnt play abt rex and eve
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i love the bit from oct 17 2020 when tommy and quackity trapped wilbur in a cobblestone box to keep him from pressing the button... wilbur punching through the blocks with his bare hand to try to get to the button... tommy frantically replacing the block in front of him yelling for quackity to do something... the moment when tommy stops, blocks the exit, and tells wilbur to do it. press the button. but then theyd die with him. quackitys like "wait, wait-" but tommy holds his ground and wilbur. ohh wilbur. "why'd you have to make it so hard?"
#my post#this is just me rambling sorry i love that stream ive watched it sososossoooo many times from all 3 povs#AND AFTER TOMMY AND QUACKITY LEAVE....#wilbur replaces the button. i just need to know that its there.#and he goes on and on about how hes such a showman. how he shouldve just pressed it when he was alone.#but he just NEEDED someone to see him he needed someone to bear witness. guh#shaking. shaking. shaking. tommy put so much trust in him in that moment. he looked at him and said i know you want to hurt yourself but yo#wouldnt hurt me. and is he right to believe that? is he? maybe back in lmanberg maybe back during 'your life is worth more than the#revolution' but in pogtopia?? during 'wilbur wanted to be treated poorly so he treated others poorly'? it was a gamble for sure#and i mean as time went on tommy realized that. that as much as he cared about wilbur he couldnt trust him all the way.#but either way. in that moment i think tommy was sure that wilbur wouldnt press it if he realized that tommyd be killed as well.#that even though at this point people were saying wilbur was crazy. that hed lost it. that even if he didnt get it he knew something was#different about wilbur now. in that moment he bet everything on if there was anything of his brother left he wouldnt hurt him.#fucking. collapses onto the floor#disclaimer if anyone actually reads this far im not trying to slander pogbur in 2024 by calling him crazy thats just how like. every single#other character saw him.#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk
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I spent. Too lomg. On this. And. Bleh.
I just. Wanted to render stuff LOL.
(Full image below the cut, warning for like. Theres no clothes but like the worst u can see is jasons butt. Idk. but like not in a sexual way i promise i was just lazy and really didn't wanna do clothes, ive spent like. 7 hours on this without realizing it. Yesah. )
Idk i really do not mean for this to be seen as sexual in any way i just kidna drew what was in my head which was ppl cuddling PLEASE keep that in mind when interacting i would really aprriacte if you didnt saY like, stuff like that. Thanks. )
#valgrace#leo valdez#jason grace#idk#amas art#im SO FUCKING DONW#I HATEEEE pillows#My tummy hurts#i really liekd doing the burn scars tho they were really fun to draw…#And jasons hand looks good#I like to draw noses also those were fun#But god does my hand hurt#I checked the timelpase i spent EIGHT hours on this. What.#I literally thought i spent like. 3 maybe.#Okay like.#God#i really didnt see that it could be seen as like. A thing. I just wanted to draw them cuddling.#But my friend pointed it out. And. Yeah now i feel akward.#Anyway#!!!!#Im gonan draw a few meme things now.
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"you're not a sorcerer. i would know" oh fuck oh fuick of uvkkk he fully believed he and merlin were equals, they were friends, they had no secrets, they knew each other completely and utterly, the good and the bad. arthur finding out his best friend has been lying and hiding for years and nothing he knew was true. god fuck ogoofu fukckkk
#it hurts#it hurts so much#arthur bby im so sorry#i love you#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#angst#FUCK HE WAS DYING AND WAS SO SCARED AND FINALLY MERLIN SHOWS UP#“where have you been?”#HE JUST WANTED HIS FRIEND#HE DIDNT WANT TO BE ALONE#IM AT WORK I CANT BE CRYING OH FUCK MAKE IT STOP
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~ a little something about the complicated way you and Dazai acknowledge each other's feelings ~
"We can't let it end like this. We simply can't."
"Dazai, what are you talking about? I'm literally just going on my lunch break."
"... I'll find a way for us to be together! Someday!"
You've been bickering back and forth with him ever since you stepped foot in the agency this morning, or more like he's been performing a whiney one sided narrative that you and your co-workers are more than familiar with. Though it's only ever directed at you. The confusing declarations of love, the lack of personal space, and then there are the days he won't even look or speak to you at all. It was emotional whiplash, but you did your best to drown out the feelings he evoked in you.
Dangerous ones you wouldn't dare indulge in, because if so, you get the feeling your heart would never recover from a man like Dazai. You grab your wallet, and push in your desk chair when he calls out to you once more in a much more serious tone, one that sounds bored.
"If you must leave, will you please pick up something on your way back for me?"
"What is it this time?"
"Bandages, I suppose"
He says that like it's an afterthought, like he couldn't care less for whatever he was asking for.
He's been asking you to go on odd little shopping trips for him for weeks now, and you being the dog you are, say yes every single time. You think about how Dazai loathes dogs. It makes you physically ill the way you feel about him. Whatever it is. You nod, and reply softly.
"Okay. Sure."
"So compliant! If I didn't know any better l'd say you're madly in love with me. Should we run off into the sunset and get married?"
You simply stare at his sardonic smile for a long while, and he stares back. It's like you're sending each other psychic waves, secret messages only you two could decode. Only you two could fathom. He stares into you with that piercing gaze of his, the one that might as well call you an idiot for ever thinking there's a real person behind his heavenly face. His eyes are pretty, they make yours feel dull in comparison. After a while, a faint half smile creeps onto your lips, trying to feign the same indifference as his. You fail, obviously.
"Mm, sounds too hopeful, even for you."
"Yikes! Right you are. Commitment. How awful.... No one wants that kind of trouble."
Dazai states cruelly, leaning back into his chair at his desk, arms crossed. He has to bite down to keep from smiling and giggling like a fool, as this is exactly what he wishes would happen.
His heart flutters for a brief moment at the visual of such a fantasy, such privilege to have you forever. He knows how badly you secretly want this too, but he doesn't plan on putting you out of your misery just yet. Shame on you to think of him as a real person who's allowed to pursue the things he wants! He continues when he sees you've gone completely silent, standing with your keys in your hand like a mannequin.
"Besides, I'm sure you've met plenty of other guys that are far more suitable for you. I mean, look at me, I used to be a criminal." He winks at you, hinting at his sketchy past. He's such a fantastic performer when he's at his worst.
"... And no one wants that kind of trouble, right?" You echo his past words back to him, once again failing to match his rejection.
"Oh you wretched little creature. Right again!"
You can't take much of this any longer, smiling politely as you simply turn around, and walk out of the agency. Your eyes sting.
Dazai just sits there, staring at the door, counting the seconds until you're back. He rests his chin on his palm, unblinking. He taps his fingers on the desk, and lets out a deep sigh. It's all he does, all he looks forward to every single day you leave.
You finally come back nearly an hour later, carrying a small bag and leftovers from your lunch. He lights up like the moon during the clearest night sky, and stands up immediately. His demeanor completely changes as he flashes you a delighted grin, rushing to you.
"You're back~"
"Yeah, here are your bandages."
"My what?"
"The bandages you asked for..?"
His eyes widen for a moment, and then he chuckles, shaking his head. He flicks his own forehead.
"Of course! Thank you. Now, may I have the receipt as well?"
He looks excited, his open palm cupped in front of you, as if you were giving him a treat. You raise a brow and shrug, handing him the crumpled piece of paper. You don't even question it anymore. He frowns. You think he looks like a disgruntled little kid.
"Ugh. You wrinkled it."
"What? Why does it matter?"
"Well I obviously wanted to keep it, silly goose."
You try to make sense of what he could possibly mean, and you decide it's not worth getting into. You can't afford the heartache nor the brain cells.
"That's the weirdest thing you've ever asked me."
"Not true. I've never asked you for a kiss~"
You almost drop to the floor with the way his eyes darken, despite his tone being the complete opposite. You stare at him yet again for what feels like ages, your heart set ablaze, with Dazai being the pyromaniac who won't let your embers die out of his own amusement. Your voice comes out low, meek.
"Well I'm clearly not the person you dream of, so no."
You could swear his awful smirk falls off just a tiny bit, but any evidence of that is gone in a blink of an eye. His voice comes out soft and laced with a hint of honeyed bitterness.
"And if you weren't, l'd dream of you anyway."
He mutters under his breath as he looks out the window, as if you weren't supposed to hear that. the sun is slowly setting and the moon will illuminate soon after. He wishes he could see what you look like at night.
You roll your eyes because if you don't, you'll bury your face in his chest and sob. Oh, he's the worst. You put on your best cynical voice followed by a scoff.
"That's lovely, Dazai."
"You look lovely." He states simply, still looking at the way the moon ghosts in the sky.
"... Thank you."
"It's my pleasure." He murmurs, solemnly. In that moment, you don't catch it, but he's telling you he loves you too.
And just like that, you slowly walk past him and sit at your desk. You might have a stroke, but you still have reports to finish.
Dazai quietly does the same, sitting down and opening a drawer, and then a secret compartment within it. He glances at you for a moment, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he flashes you an exaggerated smile when you catch him looking, then turns his attention back down, the smile dropping.
He places the wrinkled receipt into a larger stack of countless other receipts, all from past errands you've run for him lately. He smoothes it carefully, for it is a priceless sentiment amongst his collection of the things you so graciously give him. It's pathetic, but it's like holding your hand. It's like kissing you. It's like true love.
#i didnt mean for this to come off as angsty as it did#i promise YOURE IN LOVE... ITS COMPLICATED OFC#he's complicated and just rubs off on u bc if u didnt adapt u would fall apart and so would he#also this is long bear w me :(#i love him i love the idea of him collecting ur receipts it's oddly specific#i love u guys thank u for supporting my ramblings of the WORST MAN ALIVE#freakzai my beloved#he's a freak and he's sooo obsessed with u he keeps those receipts for his heart#bungou stray dogs#dazai x reader#bsd dazai#dazai x you#osamu dazai#osamu dazai x reader#bsd x reader#dazai imagines#dazai angst#hurt/comfort#gn reader#dazai osamu#bungo stray dogs
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Random person getting mulled to death by Dogday: GET YO FUCKN DOG BITCH
Y/n: He don’t bite.
Random person bleeding out: YES HE DO-
i mean, if said random person hadn't gotten so close to his house, the dog wouldn't be mauling them, sooooo...
and as an aside; i imagine y/n doesn't know that dogday will occasionally attack people in the woods surrounding their home when they aren't there. y/n knows him to be against violence unless it's necessary (unlike their time in the factory, where he didn't have a choice), and the closest town doesn't really deliver newspapers out in the woods. so unless they pay attention to gossip when they go to work, there's no way for y/n to figure out that the supposed "monster" in the woods mauling people is their friend and housemate. there are cougars out there, it's probably just one of those.
and they know that dogday likes to hunt deer occasionally (and he sometimes eats them all by himself), so they don't suspect anything when he comes home covered in blood. he's just a little messy, that's all. they clean him off and welcome him back in, none the wiser.
#as much as i wanna see dogday as thos sweet innocent fella who would never hurt a fly#hes a monster just like the rest of the toys and came from the same environment#that kind of learned violence and survival instincts would be hard to unlearn#and he can justify it by sayin he was protecting y/n and the others from being discovered#protection was likely the reason for his first kill outside the factory and it was probably a snap decision#he didnt want y/ns little safe haven to be discovered and destroyed just because he happened to be seen#so he did what he felt he had to
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shoutout to this loser. whats up with him
#like who the fuck hurt you my guy#hes so pathetic like hows he gonna be a villain.. my silly..#ninjago jay#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago#I SWEAR I DIDNT JUST ABSORB THE 40 SECONDS OF JAY FROM THE NEW EPISODES. ill draw other things too..#seriously tho i really enjoyed them. BONZLE IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER.#episode 4 was insanely gay like theres no heterosexual explanation for this levels of gay#and that finale... what the freak...#lego ninjago#jay walker#suit jay#dragons rising#ninjago spoilers#ninjago dragons rising spoilers#dragons rising spoilers#dragons rising s2#wyrm draws#i know its the other hand than in the scene but tbh i didnt mean to draw the scene until i had already sketched out the pose
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