#that causes confusion and thus leads to distress because what you are talking about is triggering but you didn't properly communicate that

[lesbiangwenstacyy]

talking to strangers on the internet abt serious topics is so awkward bc it is next to impossible to tell if u r going to yell at me for not spelling like a homestuck character or not

[orangeejuice]

Analyzing Cole's Reflection (or lack thereof)

This is a bit of an analysis regarding the topic of Cole's reflection in Season 5, which I find really fascinating, especially considering how it was explained in canon (particularly how it was written to be completely insignificant). Despite this, I personally haven't seen it talked about much, even though it has really interesting implications. While I do believe this is in part due to odd/sloppy writing, I also think there's quite a bit to see beneath the surface here, as I'll discuss under the cut below.

As we know, in Season 5, Episode 8, "Grave Danger," the ninja are going through the ice labyrinth in the tomb of the First Spinjitzu master. Within the ice, the ninja are able to see reflections of their future selves. This scene is actually quite important, as it becomes pretty relevant in Season 6 (Skybound), due to Jay seeing himself with Nya in his reflection.

However, what I find to be the most notable in this scene is that Cole does not see any reflection whatsoever. This causes him quite a bit of distress and confusion, although this is quickly interrupted by Morro attacking the ninja. Kai seems to bring up the possibility that the lack of reflection is because Cole is a ghost, but this is quickly shot down by Zane stating that ghosts cast reflections.

Upon first viewing this scene, it's pretty easy to have many different interpretations of why Cole doesn't see his reflection. I personally interpreted it as Cole quite literally not having a future, therefore not having a reflection, which felt quite relevant due to him becoming a ghost only four episodes prior.

Yet, in Season 6, Episode 1, "Infamous," we get our "answer." Cole finds out he can turn invisible and concludes that he couldn't see his reflection because "he can disappear." Thus, this plot thread (or whatever you want to call it) regarding Cole's reflection is entirely dropped, seemingly confirming that this explaination is true.

My issue with this is that not only is it boring, but it just doesn't make sense. For reference, this is what the other ninja's reflections look like.

As we can see, these reflections clearly are not meant to be their near futures, judging by the visible aging on Kai, Jay, and Nya (Zane being the exception, of course). If Cole's reflection really isn't visible because his future self is quite literally invisible, that implies that either his reflection is somehow the exception (by showing his near future), or that for whatever reason, his future self would have a reason to be invisible. Frankly, neither of these explainations are plausible, which is why I really dislike invisibility being the actual explaination. It's entirely possible that Cole only believes this to be the case as a way to cope with the otherwise bleak implication about his future. I prefer to interpret it this way opposed to it being written to genuinely be true.

However, it's also important to note that these future reflections don't seem to be set in stone. In particular (and forgive me if I am misinterpreting this), Jay's future seen in the reflection seems to have been entirely avoided by his final wish at the end of Skybound erasing the majority of the events in that season and thus changing the future from that point. In particular, him gaining the eyepatch during the events of Skybound leads not only us as the viewers, but Jay himself to connect this to the reflection he saw in Season 5.

It's also important to note that Jay's final wish would most likely not change the future reflections of the other ninja, just his own. However, as stated earlier, if it's possible for Jay to change his own future reflection, than perhaps the same logic can extend to the others as well.

With Cole in particular, I genuinely wonder if his lack of reflection was actually supposed to be relevant again in Day of the Departed but was cut for time. As much as I love DotD, it was clearly trying to shove as much content as possible into just 44 minutes. Unfortunately, the story ends up being condensed quite a bit as a result and I think it could've really used at least another 22 minutes, especially if it included stuff like this connection. But this post isn't meant to be about my thoughts on DotD's pacing and content, really, so I'll move on.

My thoughts on this are that perhaps Cole altered his future by going through the rift on the Day of Departed and becoming human once more, rather than fading or becoming stuck and forgotten in Airjitzu temple. I actually really do like this explanation, because it makes sense. Cole fading or being forgotten in a "bad" future are entirely plausible reasons for his lack of reflection in the ice.

Either way, I think it's quite a shame that it wasn't explored more. Obviously Ninjago is a show meant for kids and exploring a character's feelings regarding their possible lack of a future can be a little dark (although I don't personally see it as being too dark for Ninjago). Cole's fear and resignation (at least until his friends get to the Airjitzu temple) of fading away is completely well founded, because of this small scene in Season 5 and it adds even more motivation for him to go "settle his debt" with Master Yang.

On the other hand, it's not explored much in fan content either from what I can see, and I think that it's a huge missed opportunity. Like, can you imagine how scared Cole must've been when he started fading away and "ghosting out," meanwhile the fact he didn't have a reflection of his future self lingered in the back of his mind? Especially if he was coping with this fear by concluding it was due to his invisibility. Even with the events of DotD, I can imagine Cole still worrying about it in the present. After all, for all he knows, that future could still come to pass.

Overall, I found this scene and how it was handled super interesting and I would really love to see it brought up more in fan content (I might even write my own fic relating to this at some point).

Either way, I'd also be curious to see if anyone else has thoughts about this. I may have missed something that the writers/creators have stated regarding this, so if that's the case, you can let me know as well.

[sslow-dancer]

hi! can i request a one shot with polnareff x reader but he’s still stuck as the turtle but a twist like the princess and the frog? the reader kisses the turtle and he comes back to being his old (part 3) self because the reader is the one? lots of fluff plzzz? ty ;w;

A/N: Okay but this idea is so unbelievably cute?! I apologize for taking forever to get it done. I went a bit deep and overboard with the storyline on a request that is so simple and I’m pretty sure this is my longest one up to date actually BUT- it’s whatever. There’s plenty of fluff near the end, I promise. I enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it too!! 🤍

(If this flops, I will be so sad omg)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re The One, My Love.” (Jean Pierre Polnareff x Reader)

Warnings: mentions of drug abuse and depression

tags: gender-neutral, gender-inclusive, jean pierre polnareff x reader, turtle pol, magical, kiss, twist, slight angst, sfw, fluff

Description: One day after having to escort Polnareff as orders from your boss, you begin to grow quite fond of him. During your usual hangouts, you jokingly offer to kiss him as a way to recreate one of your favorite fairytales.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You giggle as Jean pulls you into a kiss, you feel him smile as he holds your face gently. You’re happy to see the man you love not be as serious and hurt as he was when you first met him. Your expression reminiscent of the memories shared between you before this moment.

~A Year Before~

Your personal servant had drawn the curtains. Your eyes fluttered open, body awaken by the bright sunlight shining from your windows and murmurs outside your bedroom. You groaned in frustration as you threw a pillow at him, he managed to catch it and place it back by your bed frame. You huffed,

“Didn’t boss say I have the week off? I’m allowed to sleep in.” you stated blankly, remembering how you had the strong urge to strangle him for ruining your slumber. He shook his head as he sat by the edge of your bed and pointed at the clock that stood on top of your nightstand. You distinctly remember the screen marked 7:25AM exactly. You sighed as you thought you could’ve at least slept in by 10. You sat up and criss crossed your legs and played with the lose strings of your blanket as he replied.

“Technically you do, but today is last minute and different. Sr. Giovanna wants you to escort out a close individual he works with today by 8.”

Frustrated, you plopped your hands down onto your lap and rolled your eyes as you said back,

“Not to be bratty but...can’t he just do that himself or get one of you to do it?” you raised your pointers and middle fingers to create air quotations “This individual must be pretty important if not even the boss can take care of it.”

Your servant shut his eyes and sighed. After what you had just told him, deep down you felt bad about how much he had to deal with your bull on a daily basis- not to mention your constant grumbling in the morning whether he woke you or not. Either way, you were pretty grumpy most mornings. He shook his head again.

“It’s not that either. Sr. Giovanna could easily lead him out but he’s currently finishing business with other people in the country. Sr. Mista is with him as well so you’re the only one we have present. They both must attend all meetings, they are not to miss one.

“Okay, but that still doesn’t answer my question. What’s so important about him or her or whatever the hell they go by?”

“I’ll let you figure that out for yourself.” He said finally as he patted your bed as a way to non-verbally tell you to get ready.

You huffed when he exited the room, plopping your back down hard into the foamy mattress. You roughly grabbed at the pillow you had thrown earlier and placed it over your face, you screamed into it for a good 10 seconds.

Looking back, were you being a little too dramatic? Yes, sure- of course. It’d make anyone cringe if they were to had witnessed it though you didn’t really mind. You were still maturing anyway. You were still getting used to the life Giorno Giovanna and Guido Mista had offered and gladly given to you.

Before meeting your boss Giovanna and his right hand man Mista, you had been living life miserably at home. Though before anyone asks, no: your parents were not abusive, no: your siblings weren’t either, no: nor were your friends or teachers. You had just become very distressed with the life you were leading on. You didn’t like the person you were and were expected to become. Anxiety took over rather unexpectedly. So what did you do when you had enough? You moved on to drugs.

You were surprised to find out how easy it was for a person in their late teens to gain access towards those terrible substances. But none the less, you later learned your dealer was from the mafia known as “Passione.”

Was it dangerous for you to have figured out that information? Yes. However, you remained cautious and never told a soul...until one day you bumped into the now late capo, Bruno Bucciarati.

You were walking down your local dealing alleyway, hands in pockets and school bag still in sight. You usually dealt after school as many adults were distracted by the kids that filled up the streets. Thus making them barely notice the illegal activity going on as a large number of students would walk down alleyways as a shortcut to their home. You were swift in paying back and receiving your desired substances anyway.

All of a sudden you heard a distant call, a call out of your name. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned around to look at the direction from where the call was coming from, that’s when you saw him. He stood a few feet from you.

“I’m glad I was able to find you...my name is Bruno Bucciarati. Your parents sent me to look for you, they’ve mentioned to me that you’ve been coming home late from school lately.”

You only shrugged and completely ignored his claim. You began walking away but were stopped again when he said,

“Leaky eyed Luca deals with you, doesn’t he?”

You kept your gaze forward and your back turned away from Bruno. Turning your head slightly over your shoulder, you mumbled,

“If I say yes, will you leave me alone?”

Without having to look at him, you knew he had tilted his head when he answered.

“That depends. If you answer honestly, no trouble will occur. I’ll remain calm with you, that is a promise.”

You blinked, sighing as you kicked at the small pebbles near your feet, staring at your shoes as you thought about what he said.

You had been dealing with Luca and you knew that his business was risky. Though you didn’t care. You felt that you needed to get the drugs you wanted pronto and Luca was the only one who would give them to you quickly. You shook your head, deciding to give up as you didn’t want anyone to notice you both speaking. You turned to face him and quietly replied,

“Yes, he deals with me. He’s the provider, I’m the receiver.”

Bruno smiled, satisfied with your answer.

He followed up with informing you that Luca had been killed at a local airport and was told to investigate his death. He didn’t provide too many details as to the cause of his death but you didn’t feel like asking anyway. Bruno admitted he came to speak to you as hours prior one of your parents really did come to speak to him about your behavior. After connecting some dots, he suspected you had something to do with Luca’s death as you were not attending school and were gone for most of the day. Not to mention, your teachers had called your parents that day as well.

Luckily, he was able to clear you out as a suspect as you cooperated with him and weren’t sweaty or completely jittery. He also gave you a little talk about using drugs. He promised he wouldn’t tell your parents that you got yourself involved in that abusive life if you promised to not buy more again.

You truly felt at the time that he was the only one who understood and cared for you in just the short time you met him. Your eyes watered as you complied with Bruno, promising to do what he suggested. A promise you have held onto forever.

After some investigating of your own, you found out that it was your future boss that killed Luca. You were rather impressed than angry that he was able to kill him. You honestly believed Luca would never be caught.

Back to the day you had to escort this individual- after some more complaining and grumpy remarks towards everyone in the household, you were finally ready to meet them. Your personal servant led you to the front door. He made sure to quietly remind you to be polite.

Your attention turned to another servant walking down the stairs towards your direction. A pillow in hand with a piece of cloth covering whatever was on top it. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, laughing as you sarcastically remarked,

“Is this some kind of joke? It’s not April, is it?”

“No, but I guess this household treating me with the upmost respect is.”

Your eyes widen. ‘Did that thing under the cloth just speak?” you asked yourself.

The servant removed the cloth and there revealed a turtle. A turtle with a key-shaped hole embedded on its shell. You almost assumed that the turtle smirked at you when he added,

“I know, don’t be too surprised. I plan to get out of this animal once my soul decides to give up. I haven’t always looked like this, ya know.”

Your mouth gaped open as to say something, but you quickly shut it as you didn’t know how to reply. He chuckled,

“Hand me over to them, we’ll talk more when we get to my destination.”

You hesitantly took the pillow from the servant’s hands and remained in shock as you walked out the door. You were careful not to drop him as you got down to the front gates. Gulping as you asked,

“So...my servant wasn’t that specific on me having to leave you in the car or actually riding with you. It’s kind of my fault as I don’t like to listen and talk in the morning...”

You nervously laughed as he looked up to you. He replied,

“It’s quite alright. I was told you have to ride with me. But don’t worry, you won’t have to stay for long. It’s only around a 10 minute ride.”

“Yeah, okay.”

You sat behind the passenger seat and placed the pillow in the middle, right next to your side.

The ride was relatively quiet, you looked out the window as you kept a fist under your chin. Your expression showed that of concern. You were too nervous to say anything. Even though he had joked back earlier, you were afraid he didn’t like you as his voice stayed stern throughout your small talk. You were afraid you had offended him in some way.

Your mood changed when the driver alerted that you had arrived. You thanked him as he opened the door for you, your hands grasped the pillow tightly so the talking turtle wouldn’t fall. You asked him with a small voice.

“Is there anywhere you’d like for me to set you?”

“Yes... put me on top of that balcony over there. I want to look at the lake.”

“Of course.”

You did as he said and sat him on the balcony. Your eyes gleamed when you caught sight of the glimmering water and greenery of the setting. You’ve always known that Italy is one of the most beautiful places in the world but at that time you had forgotten and were fascinated all over again. Like when a child sees a playground for the first time.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, you nodded.

“Yes, it really is. It’s no wonder you asked me set you on here.”

“Yes... I wanted to look at one more beautiful sight before I go. Like I said earlier, my soul is no longer fit to be here, so I might as well admire my surroundings for now.”

Your mind quickly became curious after he said that. You wanted to know more behind what he meant. You weren’t going back to that car until you got answers. So to make things easy, you started off with asking his name.

“If you don’t mind... would you like to tell me your name?”

“It’s Jean. Jean Pierre Polnareff.”

‘So he’s French.’ you remember thinking, his accent wasn’t too thick but you assumed and your assumption was right. After that, you went on to tell him your name and your experiences before meeting boss Giorno Giovanna. He shared the same with you.

You talked for so long in fact that you paid off the driver of your assigned car to go back and finish his shift early, promising them that you’ll find a ride later yourself.

You ended off the chatty night with placing Jean under a nearby bench and waving at him. You were saddened but Jean said he enjoyed your company so much that he’ll try to stay for longer and that you’re welcome to come him visit him everyday.

And so you did.

For months you came by to talk to him. You were happy to see that his soul wasn’t giving up yet- you knew you would cry if it were to one day. You had come to realize that you love him but you didn’t know if he felt the same way about you. You had only seen his face once- that was the day he decided to show you the physical embodiment of his soul.

You thought (and still think) he was so beautiful. The missing of bottom limbs and blindness in one eye did not bother you at all. His white-silver hair, style and personality is what did it for you. What it did to make you fall in love with his vanity and him. Just him. Jean himself.

~A Year Later~

It’s been a year now and as per usual, you spent half your days speaking to Jean by that same lake you were ordered to drive him to.

Boss Giovanna and Mista have noticed how fast you are in missions since then. They appreciate that you get things done but they still remain curious as to why you’re more happy and less grumpy than you were before. Though they don’t bother to ask, as they’re kind and don’t want to ruin your pure joy.

Today isn’t particularly different. All you had done earlier in the day was speak to a few citizens in town and dealt with giving details to your boss about a certain drug epidemic at a school. Nothing too out of the ordinary, a situation like this occurred at your old school too years back. Your duties were basically done once you learned information got to police.

You drive down to the park where the lake is at, smiling when you see a familiar small green circle on the balcony, looking over the glimmering waters. You park in the nearest lot and lock your car after getting out. You excitedly run over to Jean and smile when he turns his little head to greet you.

“I’m glad you’ve come again.” he says with a smile.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” you reply in a genuine tone.

You go on to talk about random topics and subjects as you always do. The conversation moving onto favorite pieces of literature and genres.

You roll your eyes in embarrassment as you tell him your most favorite one- one that is a fairytale and goes by the name of “The Frog Prince.”

“Well... it’s very fem of me but I really enjoy fairytales. Especially the ones from the Grimm brothers. My favorite is actually “The Frog Prince”

You place your elbow on the rail and use a hand to cover your burning cheek. Hoping that the redness rushing to your face won’t be noticed by Jean and that the sunset covers it up. Jean only laughs and hopes to comfort you when he says,

“Oh, that’s fine. Who cares if it’s feminine? They’re very well written stories and people shouldn’t be ashamed for what they like. I admire that your favorite genre is fairytale, you don’t hear people say that as often, you know?”

His words do comfort you and you thank him for that. He welcomes you and you feel like you’re actually looking into his sapphire eyes. The ones you fell in love with so long ago. You speak up before you’re even able to fully think.

“Say, the frog prince and the princess kissing, huh? Why don’t we kiss and see if it turns you back?”

Shit.

‘Did I really just ask that?’ you ask yourself ‘What the actual hell is wrong with you?!”

“I don’t see why not...”

“Huh?”

You’re stunned. You thought he would get offended for spurting out such a stupid thing. Of course your request won’t work- that shit is from a story book. It’s pure fiction. This is real life.

He’s a turtle now and you’re a human. You can’t and you won’t kiss him. You raise your hands up in defense.

“Hey, no! No need to play along after saying something so stupid to make me feel better. I just blurted that out I’m so sorry-“

“No, it’s okay. And I’m not playing along, I’m being serious. Go ahead. I’ve grown to like you a lot, a small kiss wouldn’t hurt.”

This answer is not what you expected. You nervously fiddle with your fingers as you look around. You sigh as you give in.

“Fine. I like you a lot too and I’ll do it. Let me just-“

You lift up the top half of Jean, his front turtle legs up in the air and his little face staring up at you. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, you slowly lean in and- kiss✨

The turtle falls out of your grasp. You stop puckering your lips and open your eyes. In a panicked state, you frantically look over the balcony and both sides of you to find him. You look forward and gasp. You grab at the railings to hold you steady.

There sits a groaning man on his knees. He rubs at his neck as he silently curses to himself, blinking fast and harshly as he tries to understand what’s going on around him. It’s dark now but the moon shines bright enough for you to get a better glimpse of him. You furrow your eyebrows as you slowly recognize who he is- Jean.

He has that same white-silver hair, sapphire eyes, big stature though the only difference is no eye glass in sight and his “legs” aren’t made out of metal.. they’re completely real. Flesh and all and you know that blood flows right through them like the rest of his body.

“J-Jean?” you whisper.

The man doesn’t hear you. All he does is groan and cross his legs in front of him. He stretches his arms and looks over any possible injuries on him.

“Jean.” you say again, louder this time.

He finally looks up at you. And there they are, those sapphire eyes you love so much. That face you’ve grown to be so fond off. His expression more than surprised. Though that expression quickly changes and softens- his eyes crease and a small smile appears. He says your name. And you tear up after he does.

He attempts to get up but his legs give up on him. You sprint to his side before he falls, letting him use your shoulders as support. He blushes.

“I’m sorry... I haven’t had real legs in years. Apparently I forgot how to use them...”

His voice is softer than before, the sternness isn’t there. He sounds younger almost. You giggle, as you use a hand to wipe at the tears of your eyes.

“Okay, I think I can stand now. Let go of me so I can look at you fully.”

You do as he says and as you watch him wobble, you reach out to help again but he shakes his head, waving your hands off as he’s able to maintain balance. You grin proudly when he does.

Jean turns to face you, he clasps your hands together and brings them up to his lips. You blush as he proceeds to hold them over his heart. He looks at you with pure love in his eyes.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. What you suggested was silly but it worked.”

“Yes, you’re welcome...” you say softly, looking down. He makes you look up again.

“You’re the one, my love. You always have been and always will be. My feelings for you started when we first met, I meant what I said. I have grown to like you a lot though it’s more than “like”- it’s love. And I’m so happy to know you feel the same way.”

You tear up at this and hug him. He hugs you back and you can’t believe that he does.

The turtle is no more and you have your true love back to human form.

He raises your chin up with his thumb and pointer, he kisses you and you kiss him back. The kiss long and meaningful.

You’re happy to know that the man you love, loves you too.

[echo-of-sounds]

Just a weird thing I thought you’d find funny because I sure as heck do:

I never got diagnosed officially but throughout my life, my mom, stepmom, a therapist, and her mentor have suspected that I was on the spectrum (my brother got formally diagnosed, thus increasing my chances). The problem is that I’m so specific and in need of examples (a symptom) that I didn’t take it quite seriously because I thought “Oh, everybody does that” or “Well, I don’t quite do that so maybe I’m not autistic.”

The arguably funny part is, it got to where an autistic friend told me that a lot of the stuff I do suggests it to a point where I kinda?? Broke her??

So it would be me bringing something up, her explaining how it could be read as a symptom, and then me going, “Oh. ... So I used to (insert v specific thing that matches perfectly that I didn’t think counted).”

Ex:

Me: *I struggle letting myself break “a rule” I personally established because the thought of it causes me actual distress to the point of stimming furiously*

Friend: Bruh, this is textbook. It sorta mixes in with a sense of right and wrong.

Me: I don’t have that

Friend: Dude, you get ridiculously pissed when people break rules that don’t matter all that much in the grand scheme.

Me: ... My dad did tell me I was very intense about right and wrong as a little girl. 🤔

The ensuing rage from her included lines such as “GO GET DIAGNOSED, YOU FOOL!!” and “GO SMELL A PIE ON A WINDOWSILL AND FLOAT TO IT SINCE YOU WANNA BE SO CARTOONISH!!” After months of me asking if something I did was a spectrum thing (and it always fucking was with the evidence to prove it), I had broken her.

I just have all these quotes saved because seeing her come undone at my obliviousness was hilarious. 😂😂😂

I’m the exact same way! When reading diagnostic criteria for autism, I had a hard time connecting to it. I researched more and found articles about autism written by autistic people. Now those? Those made sense. I connected and understood those.

Like the social parts. I get so unbelievably drained from the smallest social situations. I always keep in my mind how to sit, act, what to say, what tone of voice, where to look, and when to respond. I’ve learned that that isn’t normal.

My face is often flat. My voice is low. People don’t know when I’m joking because my voice doesn’t reflect anything. If I need to try to speak over music or some loud sounds, I just won’t talk because of how much energy it takes to raise my voice even a little.

My friends thought it was weird how invested I got with my interests. When TMNT 2016 came out, I loved it. I went back to rewatch the old cartoons, read some comics, and just read about their creation. They didn’t understand why and how I got so easily involved with something seemingly minimal to them.

I have a morning routine, but I don’t have a daily routine. People think you need the latter for autism. But I have two specific towels, one purple, one blue, that I use for showers. I also have two Purple washcloths. Only I can use them. If someone else does, I get angry. I don’t mean to. Others don’t understand. I just get so irrational because they’re mine. No one else gets to use them. 

I always need to sit in the same chair at my dad’s house. It’s beside my dad’s seat. If I don’t sit there and my dad doesn’t sit in his, I get pissed off and confused. My room needs to be organized how I need it. If someone moves or touches something, I’m hurt and angry. I have a specific cup and bowl only I can use. When I was younger, I never let my sibling use my toys. They’re mine. I was scolded for not sharing by teachers. Other people would just use them wrong, make a mess, get them dirty, or lose them. Only I can touch them. I’m still like that when it comes to my toys, collectibles, and books. 

I learned that humming and repeating words/lines are a form of stimming. Articles by non-autistic people never include things like that. They never actually provide useful details and examples. I thought it was just something I did. But they’re not. I hum the Pink Panther theme song all the time. I love it. I mostly do it when I’m stressed or in a rush. It helps me focus.

I’ve also been able to understand how hypersensitivity leads to meltdowns and shutdowns. I’ve always had them. I never shared that part with my friends and family because I thought I was being immature. But it was my brain genuinely struggling to process wtf is happening around me.

It’s the same with my fumbling and poor coordination. And my uneven skills. I either excel in something because I love it, or I’m the worst and cannot do said thing. I wore the same sweatshirt to school for nearly a year because I couldn’t physically, mentally, and emotionally handle anything else touching my skin.

Or how I never understand why being blunt is rude/mean. My friends would come to me specifically for advice because they appreciated that I could be blunt with them. I don’t understand why not waving or smiling at someone is rude. Apparently, it is? I don’t say ‘hello’ or ‘good morning or whatever when I walk into a room. Apparently, you need to greet someone when you do that? I don’t get why. They can see me. I can see them. Why do I need to say something as a greeting when we very clearly see each other?

But yeah, I definitely understand what you’re saying and can relate. I’ve found that reading and relating to articles/books/posts is so much easier when it’s written by an autistic person because they understand. They don’t stick to the stereotypes. They provide genuine advice and help.

[allbrainrot]

Hi! First, i love your writing🥺 Now to the point. How about felix, sylvain and dimitri pinning after the female reader? We are basically yeeting ingrid and placing a fem reader instead😂 Like, they are childhood friends and the three of them have had a lovestruck for her since they were kids? And now they just end up fighting for her love or smth? Either hdcns or an scenario is fine! You can pick whichever you wish! However if you dont want to write this req please dont feel forced to! Love u🥺

Thank you so much!! 🖤 And yes, you got it! Bye Ingrid LMAO 😎😎 I write pre timeskip wayyy better so I’m gonna just say that reader is 18 (i don’t write NSFW or anything but age is still a thing lol) so that they’re in between the ages of Dimi + Felix & Sylvain and it works out, hope you don’t mind! I love you too anon 🥺

- Dimi is probably the first one to catch feels when they’re kids! Felix does too but he’s kinda just like wtf is this??? until someone teases him about it. Sylvain is quite ✨special✨ with romance but I think he’d be inclined to trust you a lot more because you’ve known him since you were teeny tiny before you even knew wtf a crest was! So he probably also catches feels when you’re kids but then he goes through his whole girl phase SIGH

- None of them realize their predicament until they all see you again at the officer’s academy together. I wouldn’t say they’re super obvious about it, but they’re teenagers (well Syl isn’t but shhhhh) who all like the same person so they’re going to pick up on each other’s crushes while reader remains ignorant. It’s not an issue that needs to be addressed immediately, but they’re all watching each other cautiously.

- Syl would have a massive head start on flirting with you, but he’s faced with the big issue that you don’t believe he’s being genuine and brush him off. Felix is constantly challenging you to duels to get close to you and also have alone time with you, although the other 2 will occasionally ruin his plans and insist on joining. Ah man bby Dimitri would probably come across as a little overbearing because he’s very protective of you and is constantly offering to do things for you. He’s just a mother hen that’s whipped for you and doesn’t know any other way to express it!

- When it comes to the 4 of you sitting together at lunch or in class, Sylvain is the worst. He’s very aware that his competition is far less bold than him, and so he’s making sure he’s always closest to you. Will squish as close to you as humanly possible HE WOULD DEADASS PUT YOU IN HIS LAP IF HE COULD 😭 If he puts a hand on your thigh or an arm around you it’s a wholeass declaration of war.

- Felix will likely become much more protective which may cause a lot of yelling at you for being careless or weak, but really he’s just so worried! To ease his mind, he’ll help you correct your mistakes himself (which has the added bonus of getting really close to you and occasionally lowkey holding hands when he adjusts your grip). Around other people, especially Dimitri and Sylvain he’ll be evidently sweeter to you to get the message across. A blended mix of jealousy and concern will make him very protective of you around the other two. Dimitri is not getting within 5 feet of you while guard dog Felix is around.

- In the Blue Lions the tension in the air is so thick you could cut it with a knife everyone is thoroughly confused but frankly just sick of it lol. Felix glaring at Dimitri? That’s totally normal but Dimitri is doing it back AND Sylvain is added to the weird stare off- wtf happened?? Byleth would have to talk to them after class and be like guys what in the goddess’s name happened 😭 They’ll all give a vague answer that doesn’t give away that it’s about you and each one of them has a jab at the others to shift the blame..please find your chill lads !

- At this point everything gets a little bit needier because they’ve all had this pent up yearning but have been blocked by the others. (If you’re ok with it) Sylvain will just randomly peck you on the cheek or your forehead when he sees you and you’re just like LOL ok ✨typical Sylvain✨ But when you sit next to him at lunch or in class he’s started very tenderly holding your hand under the table and you’re like huh ok that’s a little odd. If Dimitri is on the other side of you he will carefully take your other hand in retaliation. Felix will probably give in and do the same but he’ll snatch your hand a lot more aggressively and look away from you with a scowl and a blush.

- Dimi and Felix are both touch starved AF and would very much appreciate cuddles or any physical contact. If you’ve reacted positively to everything thus far, Dimitri will slowly start to bite the bullet and initiate affection because he wants it so bad. Any time you touch Dimitri, he gets sappy and lovey af and will express his adoration in hopes that you’ll keep giving him affection. Felix would never upfront ask for affection but he just kinda sits really close to you and glares at you with a little pout and you will have to realize that this is Felix language for ‘it is a crime that you aren’t cuddling me rn’.

- Obviously Sylvain gets lots of physical contact with women but I don’t ever see it as holding affection yknow?? Like yeah he spends a night or two with chicks after them crest babies™️ (i cannot take myself seriously this sentence is so funny-), but I don’t really think that they’ve done actual cuddling or casual displays of affection like petting someone’s hair because they likely don’t care too much for Sylvain and will just do the bare minimum. So in a way, Sylvain is also starved of affectionate touches and he would very much appreciate the little things that no one else has done for him. It’s new and scary for him to actually seek romantic attention, but he’s still pretty bold, just not very tactful when it comes to you lol. If you’re sitting by yourself on a bench he will not hesitate to sprawl himself out on top of you with his head in your lap and stare up at you with an innocent grin. Is also lowkey not embarrassed to whine or pester you?? His reputation is pretty hopeless at this point so what does he have to lose by sitting behind you in class and poking you while dramatically whining about you not paying attention to him?

- Attention is a huge deal to Sylvain. It’s one of the main things he’s looking for when he randomly flirts with people at the monastery. He can’t handle being ignored and that leads him to often seek many girls at once so that he always has attention when one is busy. But when it comes to you he finds himself in deep shit because once he’s gotten a little bit from you, everyone else seems minuscule and with others he only receives a mere fraction of the satisfaction he gets from being with you. So he’s gradually allotting more and more time to you until he hardly talks to any other girl. But Sylvain is used to being the one that everyone wants more of, so when he finds himself in the shoes of the smitten women that piss him off, he’s plagued by the worry that you’ll think he’s overly needy. So he comes to seek validation from you too. If he can just get you to comb your fingers through his hair or give him a kiss on the cheek then he can renew his confidence in trying to court you.

- Dimi is somewhat similar but for different reasons and in different ways. Dimitri has practically no experience with romance so he’s extremely smitten and has an overwhelming desire for the affection you give him that he’s never had. But he’s painfully aware of how extreme his feelings are in comparison to any other couples he may have seen at the monastery, and he’s terrified that he’ll scare you away if he expresses exactly how much he yearns for you. So Dimitri is always very visibly holding back much like he often holds back his strength. Dimi will do anything for you or with you, but you have to initiate it so he can be certain that he’s not smothering you. On days where he’s extremely lovey and never wants to let go of you (which is kind of often lol) he will constantly ask if you’re sure that he’s not bothering you. He is just so horrified at the thought of messing up whatever it is you have.

- Felix will be very easily overwhelmed by you, so it’s much better if you wait to cuddle up to him until you can both go to one of your rooms. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be touched, he does, but his feelings for you make him way too vulnerable for his liking, so he’s not going to want anyone else around. Felix is still Felix and he goes off to take out his feelings in the training grounds every free day, but has started occasionally coming to your room when he’s done for the day and receiving his required cuddle time away from prying eyes. He may have accidentally fallen asleep with you a couple times..

- You’ve probably snuck in to sleep in Dimi’s room on occasions when he’s dangerously sleep deprived. The man, the myth, the legend Dedue would definitely help sneak you in because he knows it does Dimi a lot of good. Dimitri is able to fall asleep with you practically on top of him in his grasp. Feeling your heartbeat close by and your hair beneath his head and hearing you breath peacefully is enough to ground him from his fear of losing you too. He’ll still have nightmares, trauma is a bitch, but when you’re there you can bring him back down and he’ll eventually be able to fall back to sleep (which he typically can’t do alone). It’s not a perfect night’s sleep, but it’s enough to keep Dimi functional and that’s what you’re there for. He’ll thank you a million times and unnecessarily apologize for the inconvenience, please do what you can to reassure him that he’s not a nuisance to you. 

- SIGH Sylvain, this god damn silly little goose, is extremely distressed by his feelings for you and even moreso by his developed neediness. It honestly kinda scares the shit out of him to realize he’s whipped for someone and at a loss for a way to ask you out. He’s used to having that power, to have someone’s feelings in the palm of his hand where he can do anything he wants. Genuinely trying to figure out how he would court someone is a frightening new thing for him and he’s suddenly on a playing field where he doesn’t have his experience or his power to shield himself with. So he reverts to his old ways to try to get a handle on his fear and have his confidence boosted back up. But of course, Syl still wants all the attention he can get from you so you so he spends all of the day with you, then does his other girl bullshit at night! It doesn’t go as smoothly as planned though..Sylvain is used to being yelled at by crying girls, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed that he ignores them all day and drops by whenever he feels like it, and he ends up getting in some pretty nasty arguments that do not help his already vulnerable state. So it’s like 2 AM and Sylvain’s feeling like a sorry sack of potatoes and just wants to be held by someone and talk until falling asleep in their arms. And there’s only one person who Sylvain wouldn’t mind being open with and who could provide him genuine comfort..and you’re the lucky winner of the ‘Sylvain on your doorstep at 2 AM’ lottery!! Unless your sleep schedule is wack you’re gonna be all groggy like hey uhh wtf Syl??? And that is how the occasional nights that Sylvain falls asleep in your room happen!

- If the 3 of these scenarios interfere with each other ummmmmmmmm no they didn’t 😳

Ok! That’s where I’m leaving off because I don’t want to try to write endings with you picking one of them it just makes me kinda sad LMAO. Bro omg it’s the return of the ridiculously long Allister fics she do be goin a little insane though 😳 But for real I’ve been gradually adding to this for like?? a week? And I just kept picking cute relationship milestones or whatever in my walnut brain and writing a point for each of them so that the 3 of them are equally written. So it might not line up perfectly but I hope you like it!!

[wonda-cat]

You mentioned rewriting that one analysis post on Tommy’s revival stream and I’d really look forward to it! I never got to read the full og post and that’s the only place I saw these takes. Especially the one about the afterlife being too depressing. It’s not even just about Tommy, the implication that even if every character is safe and happy by the end, this is their inevitable fate is messed up. It’s not “a neat subversion” it’s just depressing and doesn’t add anything.

Hey, anon!

I sorta decided to not rewrite it? I feel a bit differently about the essay in the end, although I still believe in most of my points. I’m also just not nearly as passionate about it as I was when I wrote it (I finished it in a single sitting, which was... interesting.) However, yes, the afterlife stuff still bothers me just the same, as well as the odd changes to Wilbur’s characterization... post mortem.

But—just for you, anon—here’s the entire meta-analysis essay anyway, with some minor edits to the stuff I don’t agree with anymore!

My Many Narrative Issues with Tommyinnit’s Revival Stream

I want to preface this by saying that I dearly love the Dream SMP and understand it isn’t exactly comparable to other mediums like TV and film. With this being the case, most criticism against it is generally in bad faith or strange in foundation. Complaining about streamers for bad acting is the best example that comes to mind. 

These aren’t professional actors. Most have never acted in this sort of setting, or even at all. Quite a few have admitted to never roleplaying before. Which is why it’s warranted to praise Tommy, Dream, Wilbur, Ranboo, and others when they deliver stellar performances. The same applies to criticism of music choice, dialogue delivery, focus, tone, etc. 

However, one such category I cannot overlook is in regards to its writing. The writing of a story is its entire foundation. It encompasses many things—conflict choice, character development, themes, and morals. The author creates the blueprints for the architect, who then expresses the story with light, sound, color, pacing, and music. It is in its execution that we see if this connection is made or broken. 

The reason I find poor writing mostly inexcusable is because it is one of the most available skills to practice and perfect. I don’t mean to say that it’s easy, I mean to say it is something anyone can attempt to cultivate. Whether they do it well or not depends on their methods and experience. If anyone can self-publish a novel and be criticized online for its quality—and even compared to the works of Mark Twain—then I find critiquing the writing of the Dream SMP to be perfectly reasonable. 

However, since the Dream SMP script is a set of loose bullet points, tearing apart dialogue and scene continuity—which is nearly all improv—is rather useless. It doesn’t exactly have a clear focus as the plot plays out. The characters talk in circles until they hit the story beat required, and then they move onto the next. Thus, when criticizing it, one should generally critique grand events and narrative-specific shifts, more so than small-scale character interactions. 

Which brings me to my main point: The broad narrative choices taken in Tommyinnit’s most recent livestream, ‘Am I dead?’ may lead to disastrous writing pitfalls in the future. 

I’ll be outlining each of my issues below, in hopes of creating a better understanding as to why I feel this way. 

This might become quite lengthy, so please bear with me for a bit.

Tommy’s relationship to Wilbur has flipped. This change is jarring and seems out of character.

Tommy and Wilbur’s friendship is rather complicated. While Wilbur does care for Tommy immensely, especially during the L’Manburg Revolution and the Election Arc, his mental spiral during exile put a massive strain on their relationship as a whole. Wilbur brushed off Tommy’s feelings and wants, while clinging to him and pushing everyone else away. He was simultaneously distant and suffocating. 

Tommy, on the other hand, has an unclear view of his mentor. Since the beginning, and even long after Wilbur’s death, Tommy held him in especially high regard. He saw him as a brother-figure and a wise leader. He followed what he said and did everything he could to impress him. Yet, Wilbur still hurt him while the two were together in exile. 

When speaking of him, Tommy tends to flip infrequently between remembering Wilbur the way he was before his mental decline and thinking of him as a monster. Both of these images conflict with each other, but they weren’t nearly as extreme as what Tommy described Wilbur as when he was revived from death. The fear Tommy displays to Wilbur is beyond intense—it feels as if the audience may have missed a month’s worth of character development. 

This can make sense, especially since it was stated that he’d spent what felt like two months in the void. However, this shift is still deeply at odds with Tommy’s previous impressions of Wilbur, which is both disheartening and confusing. The fact that Tommy would agree to stay with Dream—his abuser and murderer—over his past mentor is simply head-reeling. It paints a very different picture of Wilbur’s character, somewhat conforming to the fandom’s ableist impression of him—the idea that Wilbur is insane and irredeemable, and always will be. 

It also ignores Dream being the driving factor in Wilbur’s downfall, as well as the double-bind deal with Dream which required him to push the button, no matter the outcome. Others have pointed out that Tommy may be lying to get Dream to bring Wilbur back, and there’s compelling evidence for that. For one, Tommy and Wilbur’s conversation seemed uncomfortable, but it was certainly nothing like Tommy implied. (Unless this fear comes from something Wilbur said off-screen.) 

Tommy also begged Dream to not bring him back multiple times over, which he should know would make Dream even more tempted to, simply because he likes seeing Tommy in pain. Tommy is also a known unreliable narrator. He may be making Wilbur out to be worse than he is by accident (even still, I’d argue this is a bit of a stretch.) 

However, there are some issues with this theory. Tommy offered himself as payment to Dream if he chose to let Wilbur rest. This is a deal Tommy knows Dream is extremely unlikely to refuse. Tommy is what Dream has coveted all this time. If Tommy genuinely wanted Wilbur back, he would not offer this. This sort of compromise is Tommy’s greatest nightmare—something he would only do in response to his friends being threatened or his home being destroyed. 

To add, Tommy is not great at lying. Unless he was taught by Wilbur for those two months* in the afterlife, there’s no chance Tommy would be this good at it. Thirdly, Tommy is terrible under pressure. He uses humor to cope. When he can’t, he cries and shouts and spills his heart out. While cornered, Tommy will tell the truth about anything, especially if Dream casually debates killing him again, just for fun. 

For now, it’s too early to tell how the relationship shift will play out. In the grand scheme of things, this issue is rather minor.

Season three’s writing is needlessly bleak. The portrayal of the afterlife is a nightmare. There is no rest, not even in death.

I adore the Dream SMP storyline in its entirety. I believe the first season is fantastic, and while the second season has some narrative clarity issues, I enjoyed it just as much. Although, I would argue season one had a more concrete understanding of its Hope-Conflict balance. 

To briefly explain, the Hope in stories are its ‘highs’ and good moments. These appear when a character the audience is rooting for is narratively rewarded. They happen during character building in the text—it’s the downtime and peace that allows for connection and relatability. It’s a moment for the viewer to breathe easy. 

The other half is Conflict, an obstacle in the story that gets in the way of the main characters’ goals, beliefs, and motives. These are the ‘lows.’ They give the narrative focus and weight. They make the highs feel even higher. They establish consequences and force the characters in the story to change in order to adapt and overcome them. 

I bring up the Hope-Conflict balance because a traditional hero’s journey would have an appropriate amount of both. Their highs and lows are generally equalized, as the name suggests. However, this balance has been awkwardly skewed in the latter half of season two and in the current plot of season three. To clarify, it is perfectly reasonable, and even common, for some stories to tip the scale more to one side. 

But a common mistake for amateur writers is to create their stories as either hopelessly dark to cause the audience continuous distress for the sake of distress, or to keep everything entirely conflict-free for most of the plot. What do these both have in common? They each make the story boring and predictable. 

Season three has taken this concept and thrown a monstrously heavy weight onto the Conflict side and flipped the scale so hard it has crashed through the ceiling. The viewers are hardly given time to find any joy in Tommy’s character, as he’s thrown into yet another abusive situation, just barely after his first narrative reward. The world is painted as relentlessly violent and traumatic. 

Every person Tommy meets is morally grey, unhinged, or out to hurt him. Everything most of the characters love is taken from them by those in positions of power. Ranboo cannot even grieve properly because it scars his face. Puffy, Sam, Ranboo, and Tubbo all blame themselves for what happened to Tommy. 

The audience watches lore stream after lore stream with the same depressing tone (with the exception of Tubbo’s, but I assume that’s unintentional.) Tommy is revived after being brutally beaten to death by his abuser, surrounded by all of his greatest fears. The afterlife is revealed to be akin to inescapable torture. It’s a colorless void that wraps the individual like fabric. 

Time moves thirty times slower within. There’s nothing—nothing but the voices of others who’ve passed on before him. Dying in a world already devoid of happiness takes the characters to a place worse than hell. When a narrative delivers unfair suffering to the entire cast without a moment of joy to speak of, the story will feel simultaneously overwhelming and pointless. 

Why watch characters suffer when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel? What happiness could they strive for when we know they’ll never get to keep it? How can I be satisfied with a good ending, if I know that an afterlife too terrible to name is what awaits them, truly, at the end of their story? Death isn’t even a white void that offers rest—it is eternal torment. 

Obviously, it isn’t a good message to send by making the afterlife seem like a quiet, perfect place or an escape from pain. But making it an unspeakable anguish which awaits, assumedly, every character who will die in the future? I deeply hope Tommy was only being an extremely unreliable narrator. 

More likely, I hope the place Tommy was taken to was a Limbo of sorts, not an end-all-be-all destination for everyone.

The degree of Tommy’s narrative punishment continues to escalate, to an almost absurd degree.

Tommy is one of the most tragic characters to exist in the storyline. He was sent into war at a young age and experienced two traumatic events during it. He was exiled by the newly elected leader and witnessed his mentor Wilbur spiral and break down with paranoia. Tubbo is executed publicly in front of him. When expressing rightful anger at the person who murdered him, he’s beaten nearly to death and never receives an apology. 

Schlatt dies right in front of Tommy, after his initial refusal to hurt the ex-president. His brother-figure and mentor is killed in assisted suicide on the same day his nation is blown up. His best friend exiles him from his home for the second time. He routinely self-sacrifices to protect his country and those who live there. His most treasured possessions were taken from him and he was called selfish for trying to retrieve them (although his methods were self-destructive and volatile.) 

He was pushed to the brink of suicide after being relentlessly abused and isolated in his exile. He was horrified when he thought he was responsible for drowning Fundy. After making an objectively good decision to stand by his old friends and change for the better, his country was obliterated by the man he once idolized, his father-figure, and his abuser. 

He was left scattered and without purpose for many days. Then he fights against Dream and loses, while also reliving his trauma. He watches Tubbo almost die at the hands of someone he once thought was his friend. He doesn’t tell a single person about what happened to him in exile. The day he tries to sever his connection to Dream and heal, he’s trapped with him for a week, surrounded by everything that terrifies him. 

He threatens to kill himself, speaking about his own life as if it were an object—something to hold over Dream’s head. He blames himself for everything bad that’s ever happened to L’Manburg and his friends—internalizing a mentality as a scapegoat for everyone around him. He is forced into the role of ‘hero’ despite the title being unfair and distressing to him.

As if that weren’t enough, he’s then beaten to death by his abuser and spends what feels like two months in an afterlife that is worse than hell. When he returns, his senses are excessively heightened. Dream can cause him excruciating pain, just by pinching him. He can send Tommy into an instant panic attack, just by raising his voice. 

The punishment Tommy’s character receives is a thousand times worse than everyone he has ever met, or ever will meet. And it shows no signs of stopping, as Dream now has control over Tommy’s very mortality. Tommy now fears the slightest damage and feels as if he’s losing his best friend all over again. He is also forced into a position where he has to kill Dream out of necessity, to protect everyone he cares about.

Characters need fitting punishments in relation to their actions. Not always, but in order to be satisfying? Yes, they do. It is preferred that a main character deal with unfair situations and difficult conflicts, but this is borderline torture p*rn. Putting Tommy in these distressing and abusive situations on repeat and punishing him for doing objectively moral or healthy things is exhausting to watch. 

To quickly add, I find the general insinuation of Tommy going to hell distasteful, especially considering the contents of his storyline. I know this may be hard to believe, but Tommy is one of the most moral characters in the plot, besides Puffy and Ghostbur. He’s also the only character, followed by Ranboo, to recognize that they can be wrong and make mistakes. He changed himself in order to heal and be a better person. He was in the process of paying people back for the things he’d stolen. 

He’s learned to be hard-working and less violent through the guidance of Sam. He has apologized to everyone he’s ever hurt (with the exception of Jack Manifold, because that man is allergic to communication.) He puts himself in harm's way to protect others. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt anyone. He goes out of his way to make connections with people and maintain them, even if others don’t reciprocate. 

He’s hopelessly optimistic, despite his outwardly bitter façade. He loved so much and put meaning into the smallest things. The thought that a person like him—a suicide and abuse survivor—would go to hell after being beaten to death by the man who took everything from him; it makes me sick to my stomach. 

The only thing more morbid than Tommy’s afterlife being different than everyone else’s, is the concept that everyone will end up in this same eternal torture, no matter what they do. Take your pick: Tommy is sentenced to anguish until the end of time for no reason, or everyone will receive the same disturbing ending, regardless of their actions.

The narrative weight of Ranboo’s character is potentially out the window.

For the past few months, I’ve watched all of Ranboo’s lore streams faithfully, curious to see what role he would play in the future. His ‘hallucinations’ of Dream seemed to be sowing the seeds for a plot that has Ranboo taking the fall for every single insidious thing Dream has done. It would also be a tragic parallel to Tommy’s trial. 

Ranboo being convinced he was the one who blew up the community house, when Dream himself admitted to doing it, was one of the bigger indicators for me. This is just one of many other unexplained occurrences. Dream seemed to be making an effort to trigger and control Ranboo, especially after Sapnap’s prison visit. It appeared, from the way he went about this, that Dream had some grand use for Ranboo as part of his plan to be freed from Pandora’s Vault. 

However, after Tommy’s stream, the way Dream explains himself makes it seem like there was no plan besides seeing if the book worked on people. And if he didn’t after all, then what was Ranboo for? Was Ranboo unimportant? Was Ranboo just some weirdo who happened to phase out when seeing smiley faces and imagined conversations that may or may not have happened? 

I bring this up more as a worry, and much less so as an active problem in the narrative. They haven’t actually thrown Ranboo to the way-side or written themselves into a corner yet. In future streams, this could very easily be explained away or developed as more information is revealed. 

Only time will tell.

The potential for Wilbur’s future development and importance to the plot is unfeasible.

I feel as if I am the only person on earth who doesn’t want Wilbur Soot or Schlatt revived. There are many reasons for this, but one of them is not a dislike for these characters. I especially adore Wilbur, as he’s one of my all-time favorites. I don’t want either of them resurrected because their stories have already been told. They each had a fitting conclusion that ended their involvement perfectly. 

Bringing Wilbur back would especially cheapen the impact of the War of the 16th. It’s the end of a man who was brought to the absolute edge and out of desperation, shame, and self-hatred, he destroyed himself alongside his creation. Bringing him back would leave the climax of the previous story hollow. My biggest issue, however, is that a lack of story importance would likely follow his return. 

The only real impact I’d like to see is through a healing arc with Tommy, an apology to Fundy, or a confrontation with Phil/Niki. But that’s really all the potential I can realistically see. While I don’t doubt Wilbur as an agent of chaos, able to create plot out of thin air; what is he going to do now? His country is gone, his friends and family are scattered about, and his mission from the 16th is already accomplished. 

What is a well-educated, charismatic politician supposed to do in a world already broken and without nations? Read poetry to himself and cry evilly? However, this is working off the assumption that Wilbur would be returning as his old self. 

If Wilbur is resurrected as a ‘villain’ of sorts, then what? He’s not good at fighting in the slightest. He would have no materials. There are no real allies he can make, other than the arctic group. On top of that, there are already more than enough villains to last a lifetime. 

We don’t need any more, I promise. Quackity seems to already be shaping up as another antagonist, alongside Sam’s slip into darker and darker shades of moral ambiguity. We also have Philza and Techno, which are already overkill. But then we have Dream who, despite being in a prison, has the ability of selective revival. This is mercilessly overpowered, especially if he makes many allies. The dude could just bring his dead friends back so they can keep fighting forever. 

Then there’s Jack Manifold and the Crimson followers; Antfrost, Bad, and Punz. That’s not even including characters who are refusing to get involved. How are Tommy, Tubbo, and Puffy expected to do literally anything to fight back?

Dream’s experiment on Tommy implies he had no backup plan to begin with. This makes his character seem both short-sighted and foolish.

When Tommy woke up after being brought back to life, Dream sounded surprised that the revival worked at all. This instantly shatters the perception that Dream was highly intelligent and thought ahead. With just a few lines of dialogue, it’s implied that Dream killed Tommy, unsure of if the resurrection would even be possible on humans. 

Which, to risk something that important, seems unbelievably stupid. Dream needs Tommy, from his perspective. Tommy is his ‘toy,’ the one who makes everything fun. If he lost him and couldn’t get him back, what then? Oh well, everything Dream was doing was all for nothing, I guess. 

Why not attempt this experiment on literally anyone else first? Like Sapnap or Bad or, hell, even Ranboo. I suppose it could be that, as soon as Dream got the book, he experimented with it after the 16th. This appears to be insinuated with Friend and Hendry’s revival, although this is uncertain. But even then, he was still unsure of the book’s effect on a human being.

Also, this means, hypothetically, Dream’s entire plan of escape hinged on the experiment working, to begin with, and also on bringing back Wilbur if it somehow did. I find this even more ridiculous. Why Wilbur? That man couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag, let alone get through the traps in Pandora’s Vault. Even if he is intelligent after years* in the afterlife, that’s also a strange assumption. 

How do people learn things in the void? Where do they even get this knowledge? I’d honestly argue Techno is a far more competent choice than Wilbur. And even if Dream did bring him back and tell him he owed him his life, what’s to stop Wilbur from just killing him permanently? Or killing himself, continuously? 

No way would Wilbur want to be controlled by anyone, ever. The dude would sooner fuck off into the mountains and become a nomad than help a neon green bodysuit cosplay as Light Yagami.

Dream’s discussion about Sam implies that he wasn't playing any part in Dream’s plan, making Sam appear entirely incompetent and neglectful of Tommy.

Dream talked about Sam in a way that seems detached and unaffiliated. He also mentioned him being broken up about Tommy’s fate and not being aware he’s still alive. Dream not being partnered with, or not using Sam in his plan leaves many plot holes. I’ll go through each one. The initial incident was an explosion, coming from the roof of Pandora’s Vault. This did not affect the Redstone mechanism for the doors or dispensers. 

Meaning, Sam could’ve had Tommy leave the way that was expected for visitors after he investigated and found no issues. This likely couldn’t have been done in less than a day, but it would be better than an entire week. If Tommy was required to stay for longer, due to protocol, he could’ve gotten Tommy out and then placed him in one of the minor cells for the remainder of the time. 

Also, no one else lost a canon life for leaving via the splash potion of harming and returning outside the maximum-security cell; why would Tommy? To add, Sam being uninvolved means that the explosion could have only been caused by Ranboo or Foolish. That, or it was placed long before and timed for the moment Tommy entered the main cell. (I’m going to ignore how ludicrous it is that someone would know the exact time Tommy would’ve entered the room with Dream.) 

If Ranboo was the person behind the detonation, this implies he was necessary for Dream to kill Tommy to test the book. But that makes it even stranger. If this was Dream’s goal all along, why not kill Tommy the instant he was trapped with him? It makes no sense for him to wait so long. 

Sam is also directly at fault for not letting Tommy out, even after the week was up. There was no reason not to. He already knew there were no issues with the prison at that point. Although, to be fair to Sam, his character may have been paranoid and checking everything more than necessary, just in case. But this still isn’t a good excuse for him ignoring protocol in this one instance, and yet, not in any of the others. 

All of these plot holes or inconsistencies would be removed if it was revealed that Dream was blackmailing Sam in some way, or Sam had been working with him since the get-go. That Sam was the person who set off the explosion in the first place to trap Tommy inside. It would also explain Sam’s refusal to let Tommy out and by keeping him in there for longer than necessary. 

This can also coexist with Sam’s attachment and care for Tommy. He probably wasn’t told about Dream’s plan to test the book and genuinely believed Dream wouldn’t hurt him. On top of that, Dream is known to be a pathological liar, so his statements about Ranboo and Sam could be entire fabrications. 

Who knows?

The Book of Revival invalidates death entirely. The narrative now lacks both tension and consequence.

Another way the Dream SMP differs from other storytelling media is in the way it goes about its character deaths. In a TV show, for example, there will be characters who die just because, or when it’s important to the plot. However, it seems as if the Dream SMP is hesitant to commit to killing its characters. And there are many reasons for that. 

The most important one being, killing someone’s character excludes them from the story and some of their livelihoods depend on them regularly streaming on the server. There is also the issue of the cast becoming extremely sparse if characters keep dying. Typically, in stories, when you kill a character, you should introduce another. 

This keeps the cast from dwindling as the storyline goes on. This means the writers would have to find new streamers to join, who will develop their own characters and relationships with the plot’s continued momentum. This can be stressful and daunting to those who may be newly added in the future. 

Keeping this in mind, the Book of Revival is annoying from a writer’s perspective. When death is no longer an issue for a story hinged on its characters’ mortality, then what do you have as a consequence anymore? We’ve explored every kind under the sun; from abuse, to betrayal, to loss, to destruction. 

In stories, traditionally, death is a finality. It’s a conclusion. Whether it’s good or not depends on the character’s actions, its build-up, and the event’s execution. Without this lingering sense of danger, tension evaporates from the story. 

Why should I care if Tommy loses in a fight to someone, if he’ll just come back a day later? Why should I care about what happened to Wilbur, if he just returns as if nothing happened? The answer is simple: I won’t. I will no longer care if Tubbo or Ranboo or Sam die in the story, because the idea of revival even being a possible outcome leaves me unenthused and uncaring. 

The Dream SMP likes to flirt with death. It teases the demise of its main characters many, many times. More so Tommy’s than anyone else’s. Wilbur’s failed resurrection, which had unforeseen and unfortunate outcomes, is now strange in comparison to Tommy’s, which happened without a hitch. 

To be fair, we actually don’t see how many attempts it took. But here’s the problem; Dream could do it without the book being physically present. He’s trapped in a prison with nothing on him, meaning he doesn’t need any materials either. It’s also implied he could do this as many times as he feels, for anyone he wants. This would be exceedingly overpowered, if not for one thing—Dream himself is mortal (at least, I fucking hope he’s mortal.) 

If someone kills him one last time, that knowledge is gone forever. And I’m glad they’ve established at least some way for Tommy to win. Because at this point, I was losing faith. 

There is also the bare minimum establishment that Dream can refuse to bring back those he doesn’t care for. He can also use it as a shield, holding this power over other people. If Dream is gone, death is permanent. But isn’t that how death is supposed to be, anyway? 

What a bleak premise—the afterlife is pure eternal torture while life is cheapened by a lack of consequences.

Conclusion

All this to say, I am cautiously optimistic for the future. I hope dearly that every single one of these can be disproven or developed in the coming livestreams. Obviously, there’s not enough information to really determine what the end result will be, or how everything will fall into place. 

Every time I have theorized about the story, it has done something completely different and pleasantly surprised me. I want this trend to continue. 

Surprise me again—I’ll be here to see where it goes.

[doomstypewriter]

ooh for the short requests how about moceit very obviously being together but some or all of the others being oblivious about it which leads to like exceedingly ridiculous situations and/or misunderstandings until the eventual reveal/realisation?

Hi, Anon! Thanks for the request. 

I hope you like what I came up with. 

CW: Mentions of blood, (mentions of sex and swearing coming from Remus, and other things to be expected from him), mentions of harassment (but not really, it’s just Roman and Virgil misunderstanding everything). That’s all I believe, please tell me if you find anything else. 

If you see a typo, by all means, do roast me. 

Genre: Mostly comedy. Contains a lot of dialogue.

A bam sound burst through the room. 

“Oh my-!” Virgil jumped in his place “Princey, for once in your life can you not make sudden noises?!” 

Roman twirled the gavel in his hand as if it was a sword while looking at his left apologetically. 

“Yeah...sorry. Ehem”, he cleared his voice, “I-We have brought you here today because we are in crisis!” 

On the sofa sat Logan and Remus, one with his back straight, prim and propper, the other half lying down, resting his crossed feet on the backrest while filing his nails. Logan leant towards Virgil, who stood in the middle of the living room by Roman’s side. 

���What has happened now?” he asked. 

“Why are you asking him?” answered Roman.

“Well, I am expecting you to be ridiculous on a regular basis and waste my time, but seeing that Virgil is concerned I wish to clarify whatever may be causing him to worry”. 

Roman let out a sound of indignation. 

“Not now”, Virgil raised a hand towards the prince. “There’s something dark going on between Janus and Patton”. 

“I don’t see how Janus is getting accepted quite smoothly by Thomas and Patton is the metaphorical embodiment of sunshine half of the time. They also seem to be working together very well, in fact, despite some initial disagreements, Janus has only made my job easier”. 

“The bananaconda keeps on abducting Patton for hours! Last week he disappeared the entire day and when I saw him he was covered in blood!” shouted Roman. 

“Well, that is certainly most distressing”. 

“Oh, yeah? That’s not even the beginning! This Friday Janus shoved him against a wall and whispered something so horrible he almost fell, thank goodness I was there to save him!” 

“Hi, why am I here?” Remus pointed at his face while staring at them. 

“We need intel on him, you are the one who annoys him the most” answered Virgil between his teeth. 

“Ha! You must be desperate. But, really, this is stupid--” 

“Roman, go on” Virgil interrupted. 

“He has put skin in Patton’s room, and he has somehow made him follow him everywhere. Patton made him pasta!”

Logan frowned at that last statement and then opened his eyes very wide. 

“Like, we know Patton is very nice, but it just doesn’t make sense for him to be so close to Janus if he’s plotting something” added Virgil. 

“Well, of course that doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think this is caused by whatever you suspect is happening. I believe your bias towards Janus has blinded you to the obvious logical conclusion that…” 

In the blink of an eye, Roman rushed to Logan and held him by the shoulders. 

“Even if on Wednesday night I saw he stole his cat hoodie? You gave that to Patton! How can you be so calm? Don’t you see what this means?!” 

From the other side of the sofa came a hysterical laugh. Remus stuck his metal file on the cushion and tore up a hole in it. 

“You are such a virgin you that you wouldn’t be able to distinguish sexual tension even if you fell right into the hot butt sauce! HAHAHAHA”. 

“Oh, shut up with your--” Virgil snapped in distaste, but, suddenly froze in place with the realisation. “Roman…”

“That gavel is mine, also, are you seriously holding a meeting without us?”

The smooth voice of Janus made everyone in the room fall silent, except for Remus, who laughed even harder. Patton tagged along just a step behind, contently holding the gloved hand. 

“Actually, Virgil and Roman were completely misconstruing the nature of your interactions with Patton. Thus, asked us to come here to discuss what they thought was you, perhaps, ‘harassing’ him”. 

“What?” 

Patton and Janus looked at each other in confusion.  

“These two are so stupid the got us together, ha! They even brought me! And started to tell us in all detail how they’d been cockblocking you because they can’t read the cues!” Remus managed to say in between laughs. 

“What? No! He was bullying him! He shoved him against a wall…” that last comment earned a gasp from Patton, who then went ahead and blushed lightly, Roman got quiet real quick and turned to look at Virgil. “Oh my god!”

“Yup, I was going to say it, but, yeah”. 

Roman turned around again and pointed back and forth to Janus and Patton.  

“No! You two? But what about the blood?! I saw Patton covered in it!” 

“Blood? Roman, you know I get dizzy when I think about that stuff”. 

Almost instantly, Janus squeezed Patton’s hand and rubbed the skin with his thumb. Both Virgil and Roman did not know how to respond to the soft display of intimacy they were being confronted with. Specially right when they had just begun to realise the real variety of their fellow sides’ relationship. 

“Relax, dear, I think he’s talking about when we had the accident bathing Rachel”.

“Oh… oh! No, sorry kiddo! That must have scared you!” 

At this point in the conversation, Roman was even more confused than before. 

“Rachel, who’s Rachel?”

“That would be his pet snake”, said Virgil. 

“Yes. She’s really sweet! But she got burnt by accident when her heater broke. Jan needed help bathing her, and I didn’t screw the betadine bottle all the way, then I hit it with my elbow and it made a mess all over our clothes” Patton laughed somewhat embarrassed. 

Before Roman could object to what had just been said, Logan stood up from the sofa and adjusted his glasses the way he always did when he was about to give information.

“It is common practice for snake owners to bathe their reptiles in a water-betadine solution to disinfect wounds. When snakes are healing they also shed at some point, which would explain the ‘skin’ you mentioned when talking earlier. That, alongside the other incidents and Patton’s usual clumsiness, made me realise you had misunderstood what you saw. Besides, betadine stains and dry blood can look somewhat alike on contrasting colours such as the ones Patton wears, so the mistake was made clear”. 

“So…” 

“They’re fucking!” Remus exclaimed happily as he sank back. 

“It’s more like we’re dating, but, essentially, yes, we’re together. Also, Roman, I would like my gavel back”.

Check out this post if you want to send a request!

[calliecat93]

ST: TNG S6 Watchthrough Episodes 14-17

Face of the Enemy: Troi has been kidnapped and forced to look/pose as a Romulan officer. Why? The one responsible isn’t saying, but to say that she’s unhappy would be an understatement. As it turns out, Troi was abducted by a part of the resistance from Unification and they need a Starfleet officer in case their current plan goes south. They even mention Spock… IDK if I can see him approving of an abduction but maybe they just forgot to mention that he disapproved that part… then again I guess it makes logical sense. Eh, whatever. So… this is by far the best Troi episode that they’ve done thus far. She was kidnapped yes, but she is NOT playing the damsel-in-distress. She’s not victimized. She’s not sexualized. She’s not forced into a poorly conceived romance or undergoes anything gross/f*cked up. She has to act the part of a cold-hearted authoritarian among a ship of Romulans and she is freakin’ badass. Especially when she decides that she’s had enough going and thoroughly tells off her kidnapper N’Vek and that he will listen to her. 100% perfection. They even managed to make her empathic abilities useful. Did putting her in the uniform cause this? Did they get it out of their systems in Man of the People? IDK but I am all for it! It was also an awesome look into the Romulans and the going-ons on their ship, something we haven’t really gotten since TOS’ Balance of Terror, and all the Romulans are done very well. N’Vek kidnapped Troi but he did it for his cause and is a great morally grey character, and the female Romulan Commander Toreth is an excellent antagonist. Plus it’s nice to see more of the resistance and to see them within the Romulan ranks. It was an excellent episode and I freakin’ loved it~! Thank you show for giving Troi the badass episode that she deserves (even if it was this late in the show's run), now keep it up! 5/5.

Tapestry: Two Q episodes this season? Hell yes~! So… Picard dies. Welp. Q decides to take this to give Picard an offer: go back in time and undo his greatest regret, the incident that caused his artificial heart that he told Wesley about in Samaritan Snare. Back when he was a hot-blooded rebel who got himself into a fight that got him stabbed in the heart. In doing so, he now has a chance to correct all the wrongs and settle all he regrets in his life since that day. So up to this point, Q’s episodes since Q Who, while still entertaining and interesting, had been more light-hearted. Q still came off as an all-powerful being (Deja Q aside which him not being was the plot point), but his antics had been more comedic or light-hearted in comparison. In this episode, he’s acting like a trickster as per usual, but again more with the purpose to teach Picard a lesson. Why isn’t made very clear aside from maybe he just likes Picard (take that however way you’d like), but it’s nice to see this version of Q again while still utterly stealing the show. Picard got to undo the event… but would it have really turned out any better had it not happened? Would not making mistakes, having regrets, and making all the supposed ‘right’ choices when he should have had truly made a better impact in his present? That’s the funny thing about life, it’s easy to look back and go ‘if I had done this one thing differently, it would have been better’ and te desire to correct it is very powerful. But with mistakes comes the ability to learn. To grow. To mature. You’ll always have guilt and regrets, but you have to accept that this is what you chose and go about your life. Picard is a man full of thrown-away opportunities, pain, and so much more… but it also caused him to become a strong leader, intelligent, a risk-taker, and even with all his faults become a better person in his present day. Now obviously he doesn’t actually die, but he sure as Hell learned the lesson. The life he would have lead would have been unsatisfying, his old regrets replaced with new ones, and been unfulfilling for a man like himself. Now he can truly value the one that he has and the people in it. This was a fantastic episode. It’s crazy how Picard went from one of my least favorites to now one of my absolute favorites. His development and growth from a strict, aloof authoritarian to a much more reasonable father-like figure and much more humbled man and the captain has been excellent, and this episode just helps further that. The only real complaint is there’s not much time devoted to showing how his crew ended up without him, but that’s minor and doesn’t take anything away at all. Very well done~! 5/5.

Birthright: Okay, guess we got a second two-parter… and apparently it crosses over with DS9. Didn’t see that coming. But alrighty, I’m game~!

Part One: So the crew is on Deep Space 9 to assist in repairs of some incident involving the Bajorans and the Cardassians that I guess I’ll find out about when I get to the show. While there Worf is approached by an alien who informs him that his dead father? He may not be dead after all, having been kept in a Romulan prison. Worf doesn’t take it well. He ain’t the only one having daddy issues. While working with DS9‘s CMO Dr. Bashir, Data gets knocked out has a vision of Dr. Soong (a much younger one than in Brothers). Normally Data can’t dream so he’s pretty taken aback by this. So as a first part, this was pretty good. It sets up Worf’s plot well with him deciding to break into the Romulan camp to find out the truth and rescue the Klingons there. Data’s plot is overall nice. He’s never dreamed before so him trying to track down why is very understandable, especiallya after Picard suggests that he quit going through facts and try a more creative outlet to get his answers. So what happened? As it turns out Dr. Soong made it so that when Data reached a certain cognitive point, he would obtaint he ability to dream and he made an AI version of himself to talk to him. I guess he would have explained this to him in Brothers had Lore not shown up/had he not died. It was a really touching moment. Soong’s still not exactly the most ideal parent, but his AI copy seemed legit proud of how far Data’s come. Is it out of ego, legit parental pride, or both? That’s up for you to decide. As this is my first look at Bashir… so far I don’t have too manys torng opinions. he seems to act more liek a Science Officer or Engineer han a CMO, but he is cute and so far liekabe. He’s curious about Data, but doesn’t dehumanize him like Maddox in The Measure of a Man did, if anything he notes Data’s more human-like elements like being able to grow hair than any of the nuts and bolts. He seems pretty well liked from what I’ve seen int he fandom, so I’ll see how that holds when I reach DS9 but I like him so far. I do have some issues, but that more impacts the Overall so I’ll save it for there. So we end with Worf discovering his father’s true fate… and he’s informed by the Klingons there that he’s never leaving the camp. Welp. How will Worf get out of this one in Part 2? We shall see. 4/5.

Part Two: So what the heck is going on? Well, Worf’s father is infact dead, but there were captured Klingons. As they weren’t able to die with honor nor could they return home as it would dishonor their families (Klingons prefer death to capture), they chose to remain in the camp and live out the rest of their lives there. So now Worf is among multiple Klingons, the vast majority of which know nothing about their heritage, culture, and customs and had it outright demonized. To them, the lives they have are the norm and they have no desire to change it. Worf may have been out of touch with Klingons due to being raised on Earth, but at least he can explore it and get in touch with it. The ones in the camp? They can’t do that. They’re essentially in a gilded cage. Yeah, there's the argument that they achieved peace between Klingons and Romulans… by imprisoning said Klingons and demonizing their culture to them with the older Klingons allowing it. Though it seems it’s also because of broken spirits and the dishonor they’d have faced otherwise which is worst than death to them. There’s even one girl, Ba’el, who is half Klingon, half-Romulan… and despite what gets said I don’t get the sense that her parents' union was a fully consensual one. This was pretty good. Worf has found a group that like him were out of touch with their heritage, and he is now able to educate them and guide them. With all that’s happened and his struggle to be a true Klingon and find his way, this was really nice to have. He’s still clinging onto his hatred of Romulans and this episode isn’t going to help it dissipate, but at least it was addressed and Ba’el being upset at being judged due to how she was born was very much justified. Heaven knows that the themes here are still very much relevant in today’s time. Worf’s guidance pays off in the end and at last, they can be free. The younger Klingons have a rough road likely ahead of them since we know that Klingon society isn’t exactly the easiest to get through, but at least they have a chance at freedom. It was a very strong Worf episode and it was great to see~. 4/5.

Overall: Okay, so overall… it’s pretty uneasy. The Worf parts are good.. As I said, it was nice to see him in a position to give guidance to a group even more out of touch than he is. It was very wel done. The issues are mainly with Part One. We have this plot where they go to DS9… and we are barely there. We have Dr. Bashir… and only him. None of the other characters. We don't even see O’Brien despite him having transferred to DS9 at this point. Maybe the actors were busy sot they could only pick one but it kinda makes doing a crossover cheap. Bashir doesn’t even get a lot to do, you could write him out and very little would change. On the upside this means that viewers who haven’t watched DS9 won’t be confused nor would DS9 be required viewing, but it also kind of defeats the purpose of bringing DS9 in. It’s essentially just window dressing. Data’s plot, while nice, is completely dropped in Part Two. It feels like they were required to do a two-parter, didn’t have enough of the Worf plot to fill it out, and came up with the Data dream plot and using DS9 to fill it out. The crew also don’t really do anything in either part. As such, aside from getting Worf into the place he needs to be, Part One feels irrelevant. As such, I can’t give it a perfect rating. It was still good, but as a two-parter Part One bogs it down, but still allows for Part Two to happen. Overall, pretty good. 4/5.

[mistbornthefinal]

Madoka Magica Aniversary Analysis: Part 8

Song of Sayaka

We begin the episode where the last one ended with Sayaka hacking away at the Witch. As the labyrinth fades we se glimpses of Sayaka’s injuries but her magic quickly erases them. With the witch defeated Sayaka gives Kyouko a very unnerving dose of the Shaft Head Tilt.

The she throws Kyouko Else Maria’s Grief Seed telling Kyouko that she doesn’t want to owe her anything. As she releases her transformation though she nearly collapses and has to leave the scene heavily supported by Madoka. (cue connect)

Rain falls on Mitakihara, Madoka and Sayaka have taken shelter in a bus stop. Madoka asks Sayaka not to keep fighting the way she did against Else Maria, recognizing it as being more self-harm than battle-strategy. Sayaka says that she couldn’t have won otherwise. Madoka says that even if she wins that way it won’t help her in the end (which is true a battle strategy built around dehumanizing yourself and taking punishment is going to hold out over the long term. Not when you’re a meguca and thus have a very fragile critical hit location and a fatal allergy to despair)

Sayaka brandishes her soul gem. “Now that I’ve been turned into this thing how can anything help me?” She continues this line saying that she’s just a rock that pretends to be alive by puppeting a corpse. Madoka says she just wants Sayaka to be happy again, and Sayaka attempts to guilt Madoka into making a contract. Madoka says she can’t but is unable to articulate why. Sayaka indicts Madoka for remaining on the sidelines when she could be all powerful and storms off into the rain telling Madoka not to follow her. As she runs she calls herself an idiot and says that she can not be save now.

As the scene transitions we get a shot of Sayaka’s Soul Gem and the curse growing inside it.

We then get our first glimpse of the Homu-home which is Magia Record anime levels of cursed architecture. Kyouko and Homura are having a meeting and as always Kyouko is chowing down. Homura indicates a location on a map and says that Walpurgisnact will appear in this area. Kyouko asks how she knows that Homura replies “statistics.” Kyouko is knowledgeable enough to realize that is a non-answer but before she can inquire further they are interrupted by an unwelcome guest. 

(seriously why is this place like this Homura was in the hospital less than a month ago)

Kyubey has stopped by to inform them that “there is a curse growing within Miki Sayaka”. When Kyouko asks for clarification Kyubey passes the buck onto Homura saying that she already knows the answer. When Homura does not dispute it Kyubey wonders where she got that particular piece of info. Homura dismisses him, he leaves, and Kyouko wonders why she just let him go. Homura replies that killing him would be pointless. 

At school the next day Sayaka is once again absent with Madoka regretting not following her the previous night. We then cut to Hitomi walking alongside Kyousuke as the sun sets, Kyousuke being neutronium dense only just realizes that Hitomi house isn’t this direction. Back with Madoka we find out that Sayaka didn’t come home the pervious night. We see that Sayaka is behind a pillar looking on while Hitomi and Kyousuke talk, though we don’t get to hear the conversation.

Regardless we see Sakaya drift through a dark blue background before we cut to her venting her emotions on a gaggle of Familiars. Homura steps from the shadows to confront her saying that she can’t afford to waste any more magic. She tosses Sayaka a Grief Seed saying that she must purify her Gem but Sayaka kicks it away. Sayaka makes it clear that what she’s doing, recklessly rushing into battle and refusing Grief Seeds is a suicide attempt. She intends to burn up all her magic fighting and expects to die when it is exhausted. 

Homura ask why Sayaka won’t accept her help Saying all she wants it to save her. Why won’t can’t she believe her? Sayaka says that she can’t trust Homura because her words fell empty to her and it’s clear from her eyes that she’s given up on everything. Homura showing her yandere side claims that she only cares about Sayaka in so far as her suffering causes Madoka to suffer. And then says the if she keeps causing Madoka pain she intends to

Given how long she takes to make her move and how little she resists when Kyouko grabs her from behind I’m not sure how committed to that course of action she was. Kyouko notes that Homura’s “weird technique” can’t be used if she’s being grappled. Homura responds by pulling a flashbang grenade which dissuades Kyouko enough for her to make an escape. 

We find Sayaka listlessly riding a train and sharing a car with a pair of assholes boasting about how they abuse their girlfriends. Needless to say this is exactly what she didn’t need right now. She feels like she’s tried to do the right thing only to be used and abused and now she has to hear these shitheels gloat about how they treat the women in their life. She confronts them and doesn’t so much talk too them as at them. She openly wonders if the world is even worth fighting for and then a labyrinth-like texture over takes her body and scenes cuts implying but not showing some serious violence.

Meanwhile Madoka is wandering the city trying to find her friend when Kyubey steps from the shadows. He asks if Madoka hates him as well. “If I said yes would you turn Sayaka back?” Madoka asks in turn. Kyubey claims that such a thing is beyond his abilities. Madoka then asks that if she accepted Kyubeys offer would Sayaka still have become a magical girl. Kyubey says that was Sayaka’s own decision. That said Kyubey reiterates that Madoka has enormous potential something that confuses her as much as him, if she wished for it even the laws of the universe could bend she could be an all-powerful god. Madoka asks if she could do what Kyubey couldn’t and return Sayaka to normal. Kyubey says that this would be childs play for her and as Madoka is about to accept the contract... 

It’s interrupted by Homura filling the bunnycat with lead. Initially Madoka is shocked by Kyubey’s death but as distress becomes evident that come to occupy her focus. Homura’s façade finally breaks and she grabs Madoka by the shoulders with tears in her eyes. 

“Why are you always sacrificing yourself? Don’t demean yourself by saying that you can’t help anyone of that you’re useless. Think about all the people who care about you! Just cut it out! Why don’t you understand that there are people who would grieve if you died?! Why don’t you consider the people who try so hard to protect you?!”

Homura’s tearful plea seems to trigger some kind of timeless recollection in Madoka but ultimately she rushes off to look for Sayaka, despite Homura’s pleas.

“You knew that was pointless but you did it anyway”

Another of Kyubey’s bodies is perched on a nearby fence. It hops down to the bench and eats his corpse. He notes that this is the second time Homura has killed him, but he’s starting to understand how Homura fights. Homura’s power is time manipulation and she is not from this timeline. Homura fires back that she knows what he is and his true plan. The Incubator asks if she is that determined to change Madoka’s fate

We find Sayaka experiencing that post murder depression when Kyouko finally catches up to her. Kyouko asks how long Sayaka is going to sulk and Sayaka simply apologizes for wasting her time. Sayaka has given up she can’t even remeber what was so important to her what she was protecting. She reveals her Gem.

It’s almost completely dark. Sayaka repeats Kyouko’s line that the balance of hope and despair always zeros out.

“Sure I managed to save a few people but in exchange hatred and jealousy filled my heart. I even hurt my best friend. Whenever we prey for someone else’s happiness someone else must be cursed in exchange. Turns out that’s how we magical girls work.”

As her teardrop hit’s the Soul Gem it releases a wave of force that throws Kyouko back and then it shatters becoming a Grief Seed. Just like that the last secret if revealed and a sketchy Oktavia rises from the dark blue depths.

In the last scene Kyubey seems to address the audience. In the world women who are not yet fully grown are called “girls”(”shoujo”). Thus should those who will become Witches (”Majou”) not be called Magical Girls (”Mahou Shoujo”)

This episode is one of the big episodes of Madoka Magic we get the two revelations that we’ve been building up too for most of the show, and the culmination of one of it’s longer character arcs of Sayaka’s fall. Though we get to see Homura’s backstory in full in EP 10 the core details are pretty much laid out in this one. Homura has gone back in time to try to save Madoka from contracting. We also learn the dark truth of magical girls and witches, just as a Soul Gem is born from a girls wish and hopes a Grief Seed and it’s Witch are born when that Gem is overtaken by her curses and despair. It’s clear now the “protecting humanity” is not the goal of Kyubey’s system though we’ll have to wait for the next episode to find out what it actually is.

[crystalldragon]

an unknown visitor

"Genji Shimada may ignore his responsibilities to the clan by playing video games, partying and fooling around, but he also enjoys being in his family's beautiful gardens. That is, until one day, he spots an unusual visitor in said gardens.

AU in which Genji and Zenyatta meet long before they actually meet. Not as cyborg ninja and omnic monk, but as young playboy and omnic apprentice.”

5 chapters (7,626 words)

ao3 link | or read it down below ↓

—1—

Spring has arrived in Hanamura. The pastel pink cherry blossoms, for which the city is best known for, are now in full bloom. With the clear blue sky above, the sun brightens up every inch of the town. Once again, Hanamura shows why it is one of the best visited towns in the area, especially during hanami season.

Though there is another beautiful spot, located hidden at the edge of the town. Almost no one knows of it, and those who do know, do not dare to take a footstep near it. The gardens of the Shimada clan.

If an intruder does enter it, it's very likely it's an enemy of the clan, seeking to infiltrate and hurt them. But those people go missing before anyone notices them. Normally, a Shimada member would kill them, and the enemy would see this as a warning not to threaten them again.

Sometimes teenagers break into their gardens as a dare. They know the Shimada clan has a great influence in the area due to their high status and money, and thus seek to rebel by means of ransacking their property.

Whoever it is, if they don't belong to the Shimada clan, they won't be staying there for long.

―

A shadow moves swiftly through the clan's gardens, sneaking along the walls demarcating the grounds from the outside. The ninja hops through the treetops, creating a faint rustling sound. There, on the biggest tree in the garden, he sits down on one of the branches overlooking the gardens. The man takes off his hood to reveal green, spiky hair.

Usually, one would instantly recognize Genji, the youngest son of the Shimada clan, from dozens of meters away. Right now, though, this is not the case, since the young man's hair blends in perfectly with the brightly green leaves. From his bag, he takes out a bento box and picks out his favorite maki sushi, enjoying the peace and quiet of the gardens. He'd told his family more than once what a torment it is to have to watch over the clan's estate while his friends can go out and have fun. Not only that, but it's also a waste since his family could easily gain more money if they were to open the gardens for visitors in exchange for a small fee.

He wishes he could show his friends just how goddamn beautiful the place is without it being a offense against his clan. No matter how nice to look at it is, it won't get nicer as long as there's no one to share the beauty with.

His other family members aren't here very often, most times it's when they're inviting others and showing them around. The patrolling and cultivation is mostly done by servants but sometimes the clan members help out voluntarily, when there's time. Or they have to do it as punishment for mild offenses. Which happens mostly to Genji, just as today.

His eyes look around the place for anything unusual, already knowing it will look the same as always. It does. He finishes eating his little snack and considers just going out anyway when he hears a distinct rustle. Is this another foreign cat that got lost in here? he thinks. Or is it some sort of attacker hiding in the castle’s grounds again? Or just simply another prank? In any case, he's quick to investigate. Sneaking further through the treetops, he reaches the wall leading to their Zen garden. He takes one last look over the main garden from above but again, sees nothing. So, the next station is their small Zen garden, which he can't observe from the trees because the wall separating the two gardens is too high. He climbs down the wall with ease and continues into the small garden, hiding behind a huge rock near the gate.

And there he is. The intruder. He spots a tall but slim figure sitting at the koi pond. His right hand already glides to his wakizashi, ready to strike quick and soundless. But upon closer inspection, he realizes that the intruder isn’t even human. It’s an omnic. And it’s wearing… a white orange kasaya? Normally, the clan’s enemies would send human hitmen on them, and even if they did send omnics, they would never look like this one. He isn’t sure what this thing is doing here, or how he is going to approach it.

In the end, he settles for sneaking up to it, giving in to his desire to exploit the element of surprise. If he has the omnic captured, he can freely interrogate it and then, decide on his next move.

But as he sneaks his way further into the garden, the omnic suddenly speaks up.

“Greetings, my friend. Are you here to appreciate the beautiful gardens as well?”

Clearly thrown off by the question, he abandons his former plan and instead, rushes forward and stands behind the omnic. “Who are you and how did you know I was here?”

The omnic chuckles slightly and stands up, the two now face to face. “I am sorry if I disturbed you. You may call me Zenyatta. Who are you?”

The young man looked at the omnic in utter disbelief. <em>Who does this omnic think it is, just breaking into our castle and pretending nothing's happened. Does it want to die</em>?

He coughs into his fist and tries to answer so as to get more information out of the omnic. “Huh. You know that this garden is my family's property?”

Zenyatta gasps. “Oh! I did not know that. I thought I was free to take a look at this place when I saw the opened entrance.” He bows and apologizes.

Wait, the entrance was open? Who opened it? Nevermind, I’ll just escort Zenyatta back to the entrance before anyone notices.

“It’s okay,” Genji answers, trying to be as polite as possible. “I’m simply going to lead you back to the garden’s entrance, and then it’s all forgotten. My name’s Genji Shimada, by the way.”

“Thank you. I appreciate your hospitality, Mr. Shimada.”

He really is an outsider. Otherwise he would have run the second he’d heard the name Shimada, Genji thinks.

 ——

Somehow, the omnic came back to the garden the day after that. And the day after that. It strolled through the gardens like nothing happened. It even played with Mio, Genji's favorite cat. And they both enjoyed each other's company! Genji's disbelief was immeasurable. It's lucky he has to watch over the gardens the whole week, or else this would have ended very quickly and very badly.

“Listen,” Genji says on the last day of the week, leaning against one of the trees and watching the omnic sitting at the garden’s pond from afar. This seems to be its favorite spot so far. Genji even saw it talking to the koi. No omnic does that. Not even a human does that. The average human at least. “I don’t know why you are so stubborn and won’t listen to my advice about not coming here again. These gardens are still private property, you know. And even though I'm often around this part of the castle, there is still a chance that someone other than me will walk around here, and when they see you, then you'll probably be dead." He twirls his shuriken around his fingers, partly to scare him, partly to show off.

"I am aware, Mr. Shimada," Zenyatta answers, and the confidence in its voice throws Genji off - he marvels at all the emotions this omnic manages to get across with only his voice. "I had hoped that you would be able to protect me, should such a thing really happen."

Oh god, this omnic is really to confident for his own good, Genji thinks.

He snorts. "Hah! As much as I love to rescue damsels in distress, I would rather not like to incite a war within the clan because of you."

He'd love to tell the omnic otherwise. He'd love to see someone give this huge garden the appreciation it deserves, even if it's just an omnic. Though, if Genji were to be honest, Zenyatta being an omnic doesn't really bother him, it is of no importance. More important are his manners. It just outright ignored his advice, seemingly without further thinking about it. If omnics were disobedient, they were usually violent too. It doesn't look like this applies to Zenyatta though. Genji doesn't even know where it comes from and what its motives and interests are. Maybe it's a spy after all?

Zenyatta stands up and looks in his direction, and even though its faceplate is unmoving he can somehow see the sadness beneath. "I am sorry for causing you trouble, Mr. Shimada. I was merely so fascinated by this place... I could not help myself."

The omnic slowly walks along the stony path leading to the exit but Genji stops it short by standing in front of it with his katana drawn. He knows he's being overdramatic right now and wants to show off again more than anything else, but he just has to know what's going on with this omnic.

"I'm not letting you go without you telling me who you are."

"I already told you my name," it says, tilting its head in confusion.

"No, I mean like, where do you come from and what is your purpose."

"Ah," Zenyatta answers, and Genji sees just now how not frightened it is. Of course, omnics are not humans but they have a built-in survival instinct similar to humans. Most times when Genji draws his blade, humans and omnics alike are quick to either run away, step back or put their hands up to surrender. Zenyatta has done none of that. Genji begins more and more to think it's either a servere error made by mistake or in reality a killer machine without fear sent to destroy his clan. Before he can continue that thought, the omnic answers slowly and calmly.

"As I said, my name is Zenyatta. I chose that name myself. I do not know which omnium I came from, but I can tell you I am currently in this city with a group of omnics from the same assembly line. We currently have no other purpose than to look for a purpose."

Genji lowers his sword. He wants to believe it so badly. But how can he? Omnics are able to lie just as well as humans.

"You do not believe me," Zenyatta says as if it can read his thoughts.

"I do! But..." Genji struggles to find the right words, so he simply says: "Maybe you can understand my caution."

"I can, Mr. Shimada, and again my deepest apologies for causing you trouble," the omnic replies and bows, the first act of submissiveness he has seen from it. "Is there any way I can prove my innocence? Maybe you can pay us a visit?"

"Hmmm..." Even if this proved to be a trap, he would surely get done with it. "Okay. So, where do you live?"

"Not too far away. Just across the 7-Eleven north from here."

The young man grins. "Ah, I know where you mean." There are some ryokan down that street. It's weird to have traditional old Japanese houses on one side of the street, and loud and bright supermarkets on the other side, but that's just how things are now.

"Wonderful!" Zenyatta clasps its hands in front of its chest. "I am looking forward to your visit!" It says with warmth in its voice.

Its emotional behavior throws Genji off. "Are you fl-" He stops himself mid-sentence. Are you insane?! He's - no, it's... whatever. He's not flirting with you! This is not even human! Your charm is inappropriate! "Nevermind. I will escort you to the exit."

 —2—

"You have finished your duty for this week, Genji," Sojiro announces with a sincere smile. "You are now free to do what you want. Within the acceptable limitations, of course."

"I want to guard the castle grounds for another week, father."

"What?" Sojiro is taken aback by his sons' sudden change in behavior. He was the person to be the least willing to do things for the clan. It didn't bother him much, currently things were fine as they are. Genji was still a young man and surely there were enough lessons ahead for him to be learned.

"It's just... everything is in bloom right now, and I want to admire it in peace while helping you," Genji further explains. It wasn't exactly the truth but it wasn't a complete lie either. He loved looking at the colorful trees and flowers. But there was another thing he had in mind.

"Very well, my son," Sojiro says. "Your eagerness to help is both admirable and welcome. I will not send any servants to the gardens this week."

"Thank you, father," Genji bows, hiding the big grin that has formed on his face.

—

"Hanzo, I'm gonna go to Rikimaru," Genji shouts into the corridor where their rooms are. He gets no answer but knows Hanzo is there because he's heard him rummaging around in his room. Despite their fights and his rebellious behavior, he continues to tell his brother whenever he leaves, even if he lies about where he's going. Things like this give him at least the momentary illusion that everything is as it was when they were kids. It won't be long, he knows, before he'll get into trouble with his family again and then have to do something as punishment, over and over. Is there anything I can do that's so bad they'll just kill me as punishment? he wonders but sets the thought aside and pulls on his cardigan. "Seeya!" he shouts into the seemingly endless void of his family's castle.

 —

He knocks on the door to the room Zenyatta told him about, his hand still sticky from the dorayaki he bought and ate just before. If he's being honest, he doesn't even know why he's doing this. Yes, officially it's to make sure they're not a threat to his clan. But it's not like they'll let him in and say "oh, we are planning to steal from you" or something. Besides, he already knows they're no threat. He doesn't know know, but his gut feeling tells him so. Zenyatta may be a cocky ass who won't listen, but he sounded like he was being honest about himself. If he's not and Genji would find out, he'd kill two birds with one stone. If they pose a risk, Genji would simply get rid of them and earn respect from his father for helping in keeping the family safe. If they show no signs of danger, he'd just have learned something new about omnics, which doesn't happen often since he has almost no contact to omnics except from their servants. It'd be interesting to know what the average omnics are up to these days.

The door slides open and he is greeted by a familiar face.

"Greetings, Mr. Shimada," Zenyatta says, stepping aside to let him in.

Genji accepts the invitation, smiling and taking off his shoes in the genkan.

"You can call me Genji, by the way," he says as he kneels down and puts his shoes in the corner of the small room. Just as he wants to check if Zenyatta has put off his shoes as well, he remembers that he doesn't even need shoes. Still, when he looks at his feet, he sees that they're exactly designed to look like he's wearing geta, or some other kind of similar shoe. Genji is not sure if it's a coincidence to have his cables laid like that or if the manufacturers knew exactly what they were doing. It will remain a mystery.

"Oh... is that really okay, Mr. Shimada?" Zenyatta asks and again, Genji is baffled by how the omnic can make himself sound so unsure and at the same time outright ignoring what he tells him to do.

"Can you do as I say, just for one time?" He says, slightly annoyed. It's not that he's annoyed at Zenyatta per se, he's more annoyed at how his... not-omnic-like behavior confuses him. Pretty girls and boys were allowed to amaze him like that, but not an old tin can! How old is Zenyatta anyway?

"Very well... Genji," Zenyatta says before Genji can repeat that question out loud. Hearing his first name from an omnic sounds weird. It's... unusual. A bit of triumph swells in his chest for getting him to listen.

"Okay, let's check out this place of yours," he says and gets up. There's nothing to check out for him, really. He knows the houses around here, has been to all of them, as visitor, or rather as "oh-you're-the-heir-of-the-Shimada-clan-let's-show-you-this"-visitor. And it's not like he's going to search all of their belongings. He's a smart young man, not some paranoid safety-seeking creature (like some of his relatives). So, he'll just follow along and listen to what these omnics have to say.

"Greetings, everyone," Zenyatta says as they arrive in the main room. "This is Genji of the Shimada clan." He taps on his back.

Genji steps forward and bows slightly. "Hello, everyone."

"This is Mondatta," he points to the omnic sitting at the table in the center of the room. "You could say we created this little group. Those two in the corner are KN-2048 and LN-2052. They haven't decided on any names yet."

The two wave their hands in greetings but Mondatta just sits still at the table and looks at them. His reaction reminds Genji of Hanzo when he's bringing one of his friends to their home.

"You are a disgrace to our family," he'd say, even though sometimes it were people he used to hang out with as well. By now, it's no understatement to say he's lost most of his friends and instead, spends most of his time with Shimada business.

Genji just stands there for a few seconds without saying anything, trying to come off as polite as possible by smiling in Mondatta's direction. He's not very good at being polite. He's good at being <em>charming</em>, fooling around with people and getting them to do what he wants, but not good at being the appropriate kind of polite.

Mondatta says nothing, instead nodding slightly at last and Genji relaxes inwardly. He's like Hanzo after all.

"So, do you have any plans?" He asks into the round.

"So far, we are trying to gather omnics who are lost and purposeless for a peaceful cause," Zenyatta explains. "Mondatta does most of the work, we just explore and talk to interested omnics."

"I see. So, have you found any new members here?"

"There are two omnics who showed interest, though they are currently outside. Maybe they will come with us."

"Come with you? To where?"

"That is not yet certain," Mondatta chimes in their conversation, causing Genji and Zenyatta to look at him. "Our current plan is to visit a few more places of interest and then settle on a place where omnics and humans alike are welcome to visit us."

"So your mission is basically to make peace?" Genji asks him, glad to finally have heard something out of his... mouth? Voice box? Whatever.

"That is correct," the omnic says and turns his gaze away from him again and towards the book he's reading.

"Sounds fine to me." As expected, he doesn't see anything suspicious. Not that you could hide any object in a room this small anyway. "I will be on my way again, then. T'was nice meeting you guys!" He waves goodbye and turns around to go to the entrance room again.

"Bye, Genji-boy!" One of the other omnics shouts after him. Mondatta gives them a look which probably would've looked grim if he were human. He turns to Zenyatta again, who's about to go after Genji.

"Zenyatta, come and talk to me later."

"I will," he promises and leaves the room with Genji.

"You guys look normal to me," Genji says to Zenyatta as he takes on his shoes again. "I mean, normal in a good way. Anyway, when will you be leaving?"

"We do not know yet. But we will be staying for a while."

"Good," Genji stands up and faces him. "Because I'll be watching over the gardens for the next week as well. You are free to come and go as you please."

"Really?" Zenyatta gasps and Genji is not entirely sure how he can do that but doesn't question it further. "What wonderful news! I certainly will be visiting you again, Mr. S... Genji!"

The young man smiles and takes one last glance at the omnic before leaving. Did the dots on his forehead always glow so bright? Ah, well. No use in puzzling over it any longer.

"Goodbye, then, Zenyatta!"

"Goodbye Genji!" The last thing Zenyatta sees of him is his lime green hair and he thinks about how perfectly it fits into their colorful garden.

—

"Are you completely out of your mind?" Mondatta stands directly in front of him as he enters the room. Never has Zenyatta heard him use such words. He didn't even wait or tell the other two to leave. Or wait for Zenyatta to say something in reply.

"You brought Genji Shimada here? An heir of one of the most dangerous clans around? What were you thinking?"

"Mondatta..." his angry approach has taken him completely by surprise. Of course, he knew that Genji was no ordinary man. But he was just so friendly and understanding, so he thought he could...

"This could get us in real danger," Mondatta finishes and simply stays in front of him for a few more moments, hoping he'd realize what his actions meant.

"Mondatta. I am genuinely sorry. I did not mean to cause trouble." Now he feels like he's back in Genji's garden, getting scolded over there as well. It's always him. He's always out there, causing trouble. Maybe his original purpose was to be a troublemaker of some sort? Just some dumb omnic for people to let out their aggressions?

"Mondatta..." he tries again. "I know we should not approach dangerous clans like his. But he is not going to fink on us. He is not interested in bringing glory to his family."

"Ah, how do you know that?"

"He told me so."

Zenyatta didn't really know that. He just guessed. Genji has warned him about his family, rather than basking in their glory. The concern he showed for his family felt more forced than genuine. Zenyatta hoped he was right about him.

"What one says is not equal to what one thinks or does. You should be more careful," Mondatta utters a desperate sigh. "I would be more understanding if what you did promised to be valuable to our cause. But there is no use in filling in a member of the Shimada clan into our plans!"

"There is, actually," Zenyatta responds. "He was extremely friendly despite me being an omnic. He did not seem to have any prejudices. Maybe he can help us."

"So that is what you think." Mondatta goes back to the table and sits down. He looks down at his metal palms and tries to calm himsel. "Very well. I will not disturb you any longer. After all, there is nothing I can do to stop you. Just promise me you will be careful."

"I will. After all, I still have these," he opens the door to the cupboard where the futons are and takes out his newly-crafted orbs. Maybe Genji would have been more wary if he saw these, but even if he had, he probably wouldn't know they could be used as a weapon. Most omnics still use the same weapons humans do. Zenyatta didn't want to create a sense of mistrust in other people by carrying a common weapon, so he commissioned a metal worker to craft these. By using kinetic energy, getting hit with one of the orbs can hurt as much as a stab wound. Mondatta had been against it, of course. He wanted to use his words and only his words.

"Do not worry, they are for the rare situations in which we might need extra defense," Zenyatta had said. So far, they didn't need them once.

"Weapons are only useful as long as you take them with you," Mondatta says and pulls him out of his reverie. Zenyatta chuckles. He hasn't taken them with him very often and, as Mondatta said, thus they have failed their original purpose as weapons. But since he had no need to use them until now, he could overlook his flawed thinking.

Maybe he will take them with him for real this time. Not as arming though. Just so he can impress Genji.

 —3—

Zenyatta arrives at the Shimada clan gardens at around noon. His orbs dangle loosely around his neck as he observes a small cascade at the edge of the gardens. He is fascinated by the symbolism of Japanese gardens. Though he still doesn't know much about it, he feels that every flower, every stone, every pond has its place and there's a reason for it to be at exactly this place.

"Hi," Genji greets him from behind, startling the omnic. "Gotcha!" This time, Zenyatta was too lost in his thoughts to pick up on him entering the garden.

He turns around and faces him. Now he has another chance to marvel at his particular hair color. He hasn't seen many people like him, especially not in Japan. Everyone seems so... formal and distant. But not Genji. Just looking at him leaves him smiling with happiness. If Zenyatta could smile, that is, then he would be grinning like an idiot.

"Hello, Genji!"

"What's up with those balls?" Is his first question and he moves closer to the omnic to inspect them. "Is this some hidden weapon you haven't told me about? Should I be scared?"

"Of course not," Zenyatta is impressed by his quick wits. Or he simply expects omnics to be armed. He'd rather believe the former. "I am not here to hurt you."

Genji laughs. "I figured that much out. I still wanna know what they are and why you brought them here." He touches one of them, turns it around in his hand and inspects the design of it, trying to figure out if there's any deeper meaning to it. The orbs aren't an extension of his body, so he gets no sensory input from them. Still, it feels unusual, since he's not used to having his orbs around, let alone someone else touching them.

"I bought them..." He's unsure if he should tell Genji the truth. Mondatta surely wouldn't. But then again, Mondatta doesn't know how smart Genji truly is. He would get behind it anyway, so there's no use in trying to deny it. "... As tools for self-defense. But right now, they're merely decoration."

"Is that so?" Genji asks, a smug grin forming on his face. "But you can fight with them?"

"I can fight with them, yes," Zenyatta has already given up on telling him lies or twisted stories. He's not good at such things anyway.

Genji lets go off the orb and it automatically floats back into the orbit around the omnics' neck. "So, wanna spar?" He asks without further thought.

The orbs stop in their movements and Zenyatta stares at him wordlessly.

"What?" He stares back at him with an innocent smile.

"I will not fight with you on your private estate," Zenyatta says with firmness in his voice. Playing around and having a little bit of fun is always okay with him, but he's not going to take this risk. Too many things could go wrong here, from one of them being hurt to something around the place being destroyed by accident. Also, Zenyatta has never fought against a living human being before. Sure, he's had training on how to use his orbs and even has managed to persuade some omnics to fight against him, but nothing more. He's not a worthy opponent.

"So, you're saying we can fight somewhere else?"

"N-no, that's-"

Genji shushes him and points to his right. "We have another ground just made for sparring, it's behind this building. Nothing wrong with going there."

This man is insufferable, Zenyatta thinks. He knows he's stretched his boundaries far too much and he's stretching it further with every second he spends with Genji. Despite this, Genji manages to stretch them even further, bringing them both in great danger. "What if someone sees us?"

"They won't. My family has a meeting. No time for sparring in that case," he answers, his head slightly bent and looking more like a pleading dog than the confident young man he is. Is he so... versatile around others, as well? Zenyatta wonders.

"Alright..." He agrees, the anticipation of trying something new with his newfound friend overpowering his fear of danger.

—

"It's like you're fighting with guns," Genji says to Zenyatta, still breathing heavily. He drops his stick and flops down on the ground.

"Are you okay, Genji?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he assures. "I just need a small break. I'm still made of flesh and bones."

Zenyatta chuckles. "I understand."

Maybe he was better than he thought or Genji was going easy on him. Sure, Genji has managed to hit him a few times but dodging his orbs seemed to be quite a challenge for him. And when the omnic charged his orbs at him, he could clearly see the fear written on his face. It was funny, he had to admit, to see the young man who's usually so cocky and sure of himself tremble from his strain and concentration. Since Zenyatta had no breath to run out of, he seemed perfectly calm in comparison.

"So, I guess that proves I can defend myself if I have to," Zenyatta says, this time the tone of arrogance coming from his voice.

"Yeah, if you managed to beat the great Genji Shimada, then that's definitely something you should write in your resume," Genji answers and laughs breathlessly. He still hasn't lost his self-confidence.

Genji stands up and wipes the dirt off his clothes. "Wanna try again?"

Zenyatta notices that the sun has already set. "I probably should go home soon. Maybe we can continue tomorrow?"

"Alright," Genji says. "But this time, no weapons allowed."

"I'm looking forward to it."

They walk back to the gardens entrance together, the warmth of the evening sun on their backs.

—4—

"You know, you do not have to stay with me here if you wish do to something else."

Genji chuckles as he watches him playing with Mio in his lap. He doesn't want to admit it, but he's a bit jealous. Both of Zenyatta's calm aura and of the cats' position.

"And who would protect you then?"

"I can protect myself, Genji, have you not seen?" There is this smugness in his voice again.

"Nah, I'm not concinced yet." Genji stretches himself and lies down flat on his back. He'd been at the gym for... maybe a bit too long and now he's paying for it with one hell of a muscle ache.

"Does this mean we should try again?" The cat purrs happily and Zenyatta is amazed at how fluffy its dark gray fur is. He hasn't had the chance to interact with many cats this up close and he's enjoying the new experience.

"I'm afraid not. At least not right now. I'm in no shape to fight."

"Do you need any help?" The omnic sets the cat down and gives it one last pat on its back. It looks at him and meows before flitting through the garden and disappearing behind one of the bushes.

"Uhhh..." Genji ponders and realizes he probably means giving him a massage, which is really the only way to help right now. He'd love to accept but massages usually don't end... well with him. "No thanks?"

"Please indulge me, Genji. There is something new I want to try out."

... Okay, now he's interested. What could that possibly be?

"Ah... alright." Not sure what to expect, he wants to sit up but Zenyatta gestures him to lay down again. He shifts a bit closer to him until he's right beside him, still sitting in a cross-legged position. One of his orbs wanders into his hands. He says nothing for a while and just stares at it. Before Genji's impatience gets the better of him and he can ask what he's up to, the orb starts glowing. Zenyatta lets it go and it floats to him, stopping above his chest. A yellow aura envelops the orb, making it look a bit like a small star. Genji is fascinated but now quite sure how this fancy display is going to help.

"Wh-" he starts but Zenyatta shushes him.

"Relax, Genji."

It almost feels like Zenyatta could be his new Yoga teacher, so he tries to think of it that way: slowing his breath down, laying his palms flat open on the ground and just closing his eyes. Slowly, he feels a pleasant kind of warmth entering his body and it feels like it's wrapping itself around his aching muscles, hugging every cell of his being until everything loosens up. He's not sure if his ears are playing tricks on him, but it sounds like the orb is making a quiet hum, similar to how a singing bowl would sound.

"That's it," Zenyatta says, his voice quiet and somehow, even more relaxing now.

The last time Genji has felt this relaxed was... never, probably. As minute by minute goes by, he slowly feels his relaxation turn into sleepiness, but he's had enough practice with staying awake to not give in to it.

In the end, he doesn't even need sleep for his body to regenerate, because the aching slowly ebbs away, wave after wave. It hasn't disappeared entirely, but in comparison to before it's close to non-existent.

"Now you have to tell me: how did you do that?" Genji asks, his eyes still closed but his mind back to where they are.

"It is... complicated," the omnic warns. Most people would not want to know it in detail or even if, they'd think of him as a crazy wizard, but he knows neither apply to Genji. "Basically, their powers come from kinetic energy and, to an extent, thoughts and emotions. The latter is what just happened. I focused my positive emotions and my will to heal into the orb. This means that it can work as a painkiller, tranquilizer or whatever drug you want it to be."

"So, you're like... a robot alchemist?" Genji asks with a grin on his face. He hasn't quite understood how exactly this almost magical weapon works, but he's fascinated, nonetheless.

Zenyatta chuckles. "You could say that."

"That's so amazing..." He has opened his eyes again to look at the omnic. Never before has he met someone so intriguing. "Why would I want to spend my time with anyone else?"

Zenyatta laughs again. It may have seemed like a joke, but he is dead serious. Everyone he's ever met before pales in comparison to Zenyatta.

 ——

 "Hey Zenyatta," Genji says as they sit on one of the verandas on the clans' estate. From here, one has the best view over the town center. It's cramped with people, usually most of them would be natives, but this time around there are a lot more tourists. Including Zenyatta, of course.

"Hm?" The omnic turns his head to face him.

"Well... shouldn't we like...  visit another place than this? There's a lot more to see in Hanamura than this."

"Why? I already have seen the best of it, right here."

"Wow," Genji was blushing now. None of his flings had been so dashingly smooth, even if they tried very hard. Flirting, from his experience, was more about making each other happy and horny with cheesy and nasty lines, instead of saying something really meaningful. Not that the two were flirting or anything. Yes, he has had sex with friends, but he would never do anything like that with an austere being like Zenyatta. On top of that, he's an omnic and he's never tried it with an omnic before. The idea sounds almost interesting, but... no. Zenyatta deserves better than his heightened sex drive.

"I am telling the truth. You and your home are exceptional." Zenyatta assures him, breaking though his stream of thoughts.

"But surely there's more out there we can explore. Together? Maybe?" Genji is almost intimidated by Zenyatta's earnest affection towards him. It’s not something he's used to, neither from his family nor from his friends.

Zenyatta lets his gaze drop, a gesture that doesn't go unnoticed by Genji.

"What's wrong?"

"I am afraid I cannot accompany you," the omnics voice has lost its former softness and now sounds sad, almost melancholic. "Mondatta has booked a flight and we will be leaving soon."

"Why? What? When?" Genji feels his head spinning. He curses himself for being so uncontrollably emotional, but he doesn't want to lose something so great as their bond, especially when he's only gained it for such a brief time.

"Tomorrow, he said. We will be leaving before noon. A lot of time has passed, so we will move to the next place."

"A lot of time?! It's been only... three weeks!" Genji says angrily.

"Four weeks, actually, but I did not visit your place until the second week of our stay. In any case, I fear this is goodbye for us."

"But... but..." Genji is at a loss of words. Not only because Zenyatta is leaving, but also because of his reaction. Usually he would remain cool and calm, even if something was taken from him. He had no emotional attachment to most people and things anyway. But with Zenyatta it's different. He has captivated him ever since he stepped into his garden, full of elegance and calmness. His humble and quiet demeanor slowly gave way to his actual, strong and poised self. Genji is sure he has more character than some humans, even though his personality was just... well, programmed or something.

"I am sorry, Genji. I just found it out today as well."

Neither of them say anything further. They just watch the people beneath them pass by. There are busy people, moving fast across the streets and relaxed people, slowly strolling along the shops. There are laughing people, kissing people, crying people, angry people, whatever emotion one would think of, one would find in midst these streets sooner or later. One could hope time passes slower for those not moving an inch. But the harsh reality is that every second passes for everyone the same, bringing Genji and Zenyatta closer to their departure.

"Zenyatta..." Genji says and he's not entirely sure what he even wants to say, he just wants to fill the void, to prevent himself from crying, to ...

He throws his arms around the omnic and takes a deep breath in, hoping to catch a unique scent he can remember. Of course, there's nothing, just the faint scent of the blooming flowers in his garden. A quiet wail leaves him, a sound so unusual from him, for no one to hear. Except maybe Zenyatta, who puts his arms around him too and strokes along his back. Many minutes pass until Genji tries to regain his composure by focusing on the only small hope left. He moves back and looks at Zenyatta's faceplate, still so freshly new, having seen no real combat so far.

"Promise me, Zenyatta..." He starts, tears still trapped in his eyes. The omnic finishes his sentence for him.

"I promise we will meet again. Someday. I promise, Genji."

Genji nods and lets himself fall into his arms again. He focuses on every sensation until his mind goes blank and he falls asleep, the sky above them already dark. Zenyatta lifts him up and brings him to what he figured is his room and tugs him in. He steals one last glance of the moonlight shining on his handsome face before he quickly leaves the estate through the gardens and with that, leaves Genji – for a long time.

 —5—

He hasn't seen snow in a long time. Wherever he was with his Blackwatch teammates, there was never any snow. Just scorching heat, sifting through his armor and into his body. Or rather, what was left of it. Then again, maybe it wasn't that hot, and the pain was in reality just phantom pain. He couldn't distinguish the kinds of pain he felt anymore. It was just one big bulk of misery. He was just one big bulk of misery.

The snowflakes fall softly on his armor, creating little dark spots around. Genji looks up and tries to remember the last time he saw snow but fails to do so. Surely, it must have been before his death. That's why its memory is blurred. Just as almost everything else that happened before his death. Sure, he remembers who and where he was back in those days. He remembers his parents, his brother, his training. His room. His favorite restaurant. His favorite spot in the Shimada clan's gardens. But everything else is... wrapped in a huge fog. There were so many things he'd liked, so many things he'd wanted to see, but all of them died with him on that day.

"Ah. Why am I thinking about this again? Nothing’s there," he says to himself and walks further up the mountain. He isn't even entirely sure where he is. A few weeks ago, he just fled, and ran, and ran, and ran, until he completely lost track of time and space. Since his guts were metal tubes now, he had no problem with missing out on so many meals. But now, with the air getting colder and thinner, he feels his strength slowly but surely give out. Hopefully, I'll find a village soon, he thinks and just as he finishes thinking that sentence, he starts to make out something resembling houses in the distance. Either fata morganas are possible in mountain regions, or he's just gotten extremely lucky. In any case, he walks further to investigate, even though his legs feel leaden. Something else, like some kind of outer force, is pulling him forwards to the small village ahead.

—

As soon as he finally arrived in the settlement, he sat down in a gap between two houses, feeling his legs finally give out. He doesn't know for how long he's been sitting there, but no one took notice of him so far.

That is, until a floating omnic makes its way over to him.

"Greetings, my friend. Are you okay?" He asks.

Genji feels too weak to talk. He even feels too weak to move his head upwards to face the omnic. So, instead, he just grumbles in response.

"Can I help you? I see great tumolt in your soul."

Genji's heart beats faster at that, though he's not sure why. Maybe because someone is offering him help? That hasn't happened in years. Still, he shakes his head. What burdens him is not something that can be fixed with a warm meal and a fluffy blanket. So, no thanks.

"Are you sure? I do not want anything to happen to you."

A small orb lands beside his head and starts glowing in a light-yellow color. His head moves up to look at the omnic.

"What... the hell?" He says out loud.

"This will give you some strength for the time being," the omnic explains.

"I do not need any of your strength," Genji claims in an annoyed tone.

"You certainly do look like you need it, though. Please, let me help you."

"As if I'd want help from someone like you!" Genji reaches for his sword but is stopped by his missing energy. The weakness in his body surpasses every of his thoughts and emotions and he can do nothing but to succumb to it.

"What do you have to offer and what do I have to pay for it?" He asks. It's a phrase he's memorized by now from all of the times his missions required him to gather information.

"I offer you shelter and peace in body and mind and you have to pay nothing for it," the omnic answers, going down on his knees to watch him more closely.

How strange. No fight? Not even some bargaining? If somebody offers something, they have to want something. That's how the world works, Genji thinks.

Just trust him, a small voice in the back of his head says, one that's getting louder and louder while the others have slowly quieted down. The orb still hangs beside his head. He touches it and feels warmth, but not the hurting kind of warmth. It's a nice, familiar warmth. One he doesn't want to let go of.

"May I ask for your name?"

"I'm Genji," he tells him without hesitation, the small voice in head finally winning. "And you are...?"

"My name is Tekharta Zenyatta. I am glad we got to meet each other." He stands up again and the glowing orb sends out a small pulse of warmth which goes right through his armor and into his heart. His body still feels drained, but at least his legs don’t feel like they’re dying anymore.

"Me too," he answers and stands up as well, treading after the omnic and deeper into the mountains.

He's going to see a lot more snow from now on.

[bubulona]

Dreams and Realities

Disclaimer: I do not own Dark. This wonderful and complicated series belongs to Baran bo Odar and Jantje Friese and Netflix. If I owned Dark I wouldn't be writing fanfiction :)

Mikkel-centric. Spoilers: S1E1 til S2E6.

Read at your own risk. 

________________________________________________________________

It was a weird and confusing thing not knowing when you belonged, of being lost in time.

With this uncertainty came the frustrating feeling of doubt, of constantly wondering what was real and what was a dream… or rather, a nightmare.

Was he a boy that dreamt he had been a butterfly or was he a butterfly that had dreamt he had been a boy? Was he either, was he neither?

Mikkel really did not know. He had told Nurse Kahnwald (Ines, it’s Ines. She told him he could call her by her first name…) that maybe he was both… but at time he wondered if he had been trying to convince himself. A voice inside his head told him ―heck, screamed at him― that he was indeed from 2019 and that he was just dreaming that he was in 1986.

He tried ignoring it.

He tried forgetting about it.

He thought that maybe, by choosing this reality, he might find some inner peace.

It didn’t work.

Nothing worked.

Nothing made his mind quiet…

///

Mikkel wondered why he was sent to 1986.

Most people, when thinking about time travel, thought about going to the past. Why did no one ever say the future? Sure, had it been up to Mikkel, he might have chosen to go back in time and meet Harry Houdini, one of the world’s greatest magicians ever. But given his current situation, Mikkel wouldn’t even think twice about saying that he would rather travel to the future.

Perhaps, if Mikkel had time traveled to the future, the future beyond 2019, he might have been less frightened about the idea; after all, didn’t things get better with time? Weren’t things always better in the future?

Had he shown up in the future it would have been like a new magic trick and Mikkel would have been the first one to achieve it. The Great Mikkel Houdini, age 11, best magician of his time, performing the biggest magic trick of the century, if not of all time. It would have been his best trick ―had it actually been his trick. All credit would go to Jonas.  

Although it would have been weird to see his family old, and hopefully not dead, Mikkel liked to believe that they would have recognized him and believed him to be their Mikkel. Or at least he hoped they would believe him. Would they cry because of their shock, or would they scold him on disappearing from their lives? Would this happen before or after he told them about the trick? How would he explain to them that it wasn’t him who performed this unbelievable trick but that it was Jonas Kahnwald who did so? Would they had already known that it was because of Jonas that he had travelled through time? Would it be hard for them to think that he was still eleven? Would Magnus and Martha have had any children? Would his grandparents still be around? Would his parents look like themselves? How far into the future would he have gone?

But no, for all his wishful thinking and his fantasies, he was sent back in time to 1986, to a time before he existed, before he came to be, before his family became his family, before…

This was a time that made no sense.

This was a time where and when he came into constant contact with his parents as teenagers. What if by interacting with them he created a big change in his time? What if he ceased to exist? What about Magnus and Martha? Would they stop existing? Would they even feel it? What would happen to his family?

As much as he hated how Magnus would constantly hit him in the back of the head for things like stupidly and falsely accusing Mikkel of stealing Magnus’s ugly hoodie, and as much as he hated that Martha sometimes made everything about her or stated that she thought Mikkel was adopted, and as much as he hated how his entire family saw him as a baby, and as much as he had sometimes wanted a different family, he would never want them gone. He loved his family. Mikkel didn’t want to be the cause of creating the destruction of his family. He did not want to be the cause for such disaster, of such change, of such rift in time.

But what could he do? Wouldn’t his existence in 1986 change the course events leading to 2019? And what if he had already created a change without meaning to? What if he had already caused the disappearance or destruction of a life? Would him interacting with his parents, or if anyone for that matter, do that?

But what if it didn’t? How could he know?

What should he do?

His expertise was in magic tricks and shell tricks, not time travel and having existential doubts…

///

When he had thought of wanting a different family ―which was not often― he thought that having someone like Jonas be in it wouldn’t be bad; in fact, he thought it would be pretty cool. Out of all his siblings’ friends, he seemed like the nicest one; maybe because Jonas was the type of person who, at his core, wants nothing but the best for others.

In Mikkel’s eyes, Jonas was such a likeable person that he wouldn’t have been bothered if Jonas became part of the Nielsen family. This was partly because Jonas always felt like family (everyone in the Nielsen home loved him) and partly because when Jonas was around, Mikkel finally felt like he was not treated like a small child. To Mikkel, the fact that Jonas treated him as a member of their little group always light up his heart ―not that Mikkel would admit that.

Mikkel just felt a bond with Jonas that he did not feel with anyone else.

He just didn’t know why.

///

He really did like Jonas.

How could someone not like Jonas? He was the nicest and most likeable teenager Mikkel knew and in Mikkel’s mind all teenagers were not only weird but a bit mean as well.

But Jonas was different.

It didn’t matter that Jonas was more on the quiet side; his quietness made him an observer and a listener.

Jonas was someone Mikkel could look up to, someone he respected and admired.

Out of everyone he knew Jonas was the one who always returned his “ultimate fist bumps”. The only time Jonas didn’t return an “ultimate fist bump” was on the day of Mikkel’s parents’ wedding anniversary party, which, if he was honest, Mikkel understood why Jonas would not return it. Nobody wanted to touch the kid with rubella.

But at the time, Jonas had seemed off. Maybe it was because he was being teased by the Nielsens about Martha… No, that couldn’t have been it. He didn’t seem happy, and Mikkel was pretty sure, based on how Jonas and Martha acted around each other, that they liked each other. Maybe something had happened at the Kahnwald home… which made sense because if Mikkel remembered correctly the next day was the day Jonas’s dad…

Mikkel shuddered and grimaced.

It had been the only topic of conversation in Winden for a while. The novelty of the situation was enough for people to spend days speaking about it.

Mikkel wasn’t supposed to know about it, but how could he not? Winden was not very big and although his parents tried to not discuss the man’s suicide, because it was not something young children should be exposed to (just because he was the youngest of three did not mean that he was still a kid), Mikkel was bound to hear about it sooner or later. Whenever it was mentioned, something in Mikkel’s insides felt twisted and heavy and he felt a deep pain in his chest. He figured it was him trying to put himself in Jonas’s shoes, but even then, he felt something ― he just couldn’t place what it was.

Sure, his only encounter with the man made him feel very frightened and uneasy, even if no words were spoken. The way he looked at Mikkel, the way the air around them was suffocating, the distressing feeling Mikkel sensed in his bones… all those things combined made Mikkel feel like he was seeing someone that shouldn’t be there. It was like being in contact with a ghost, like he was living and trying to solve a mystery, like he was seeing ―

Mikkel didn’t think about him and he didn’t want to think about the encounter.

Mikkel didn’t even know the man’s name. Everyone had been talking about how he had abandoned his family, of how much of a weirdo he had been, how he was always by himself, how no one understood why Jonas’s mother would marry a guy like him when she was so pretty. There was rarely a good comment or a genuine concern for the Kahnwald family.

Mikkel refused to believe the man had been a bad person; he had had to be a good man to have a son like Jonas, no? But had the man even thought about Jonas and his mother before taking his own life?

Mikkel shivered; he didn’t know what he would do if something like that happened to his father. He didn’t even want to dwell on how his family would react. His grandmother still wasn’t reacting well to her youngest son’s, Mads, disappearance.

At least Mikkel would have his entire family.

But Jonas only had his mother… right?

Jonas… he knew what it felt like to lose someone important. He must have known that for Mikkel to lose his entire family would devast him.

So why?

Why would Jonas do this to him?

It didn’t make sense. Jonas never ignored him, and he always seemed interested in what Mikkel had to say or what magic trick he could perform. It never felt like Jonas was just doing that to humor Mikkel because he was a kid. He even seemed more interested than his father, Ulrich, ever did. He knew his father was sometimes interested because Mikkel could feel his father’s intense gaze, but Mikkel was never sure if it was because he was a father and thus had to humor him or if his father had been genuinely interested in magic.

But Jonas had seemed genuine in his interest whenever Mikkel performed a trick (even if he hadn’t mastered all of them). He said Mikkel’s tricks were better than his father’s. Mikkel had been surprised to find out that Jonas’s dad could perform tricks; Mikkel didn’t know anyone who shared his affinity for magic tricks. Jonas had mentioned something about his father being a better painter than a magician, but that regardless of his skill level, his tricks always made Jonas smile.

Mikkel thought it would have been cool to have a father that was both an artist and a magician. Weren’t magicians just a different type of artist? Mikkel figured that an artist with a magician streak would not have minded if Mikkel wore a magician hat and a skeleton onesie to school; an artist would’ve understood that it wasn’t a costume but Mikkel’s work clothes. From artist to artist, Mikkel knew the man would not have judged him.

He really would have wanted to be part of Jonas’s family…

He didn’t think that anymore. He didn’t even talk about Jonas or his family.

It was always Martha who spoke about him. It did not take a genius to see how hard she was crushing on Jonas. But after that happened to Jonas, Martha didn’t mention him much. And although his sister was off, she seemed to bounce back once she started dating Bartosz.

Mikkel didn’t care for him.

Mikkel never paid Bartosz any attention just as Bartosz never paid him any attention. Bartosz just saw Mikkel as his girlfriend’s little baby brother, a kid who could be annoying. He might have performed a trick or two, but Martha wouldn’t let him and Bartosz didn’t seem interested. It didn’t matter, Mikkel had better things to worry about than trying to get his sister’s boyfriend’s approval. Mikkel needed to worry about perfecting his tricks, finally convincing his mother that he needed his work clothes, school, proving that he knew what he was doing, that he was growing up, and much more.

That’s why, on the day of the parent school meeting, when Magnus and Martha wanted to bust some drugs around the Winden caves, Mikkel wanted to prove that he was old enough to be considered one of them.

When Heide, the babysitter, hadn’t arrived, Mikkel had thought that this was his opportunity to prove to his family that he could take care of himself. But a little voice in his head told him that he really wasn’t fine being by himself.

What if what his classmates were saying was true? What if the missing kid had been kidnapped and was being tortured? What would Mikkel do if that happened to him while he was all alone?

That’s why when Magnus told him that he was stuck babysitting him Mikkel was thankful. But when Magnus complained about missing the drug bust and had smacked him in the back of his head, Mikkel decided that he would prove that he was cool and completely capable of being able to fend for himself. So he told Magnus that he could go to the drug bust, so long as Mikkel came along. And before Magnus could refute, Mikkel told him that if he didn’t take him, he would tell his mom and dad.

Magnus rolled his eyes but gave in.

Mikkel felt accomplished.

Magnus and Mikkel met with Martha, Jonas, and Bartosz. Mikkel was happy to see Jonas. Finally, someone who treated him like Mikkel wanted to be treated. Mikkel smiled and said, “Hi Jonas. Ultimate fist bump?”

The teen smiled and returned the bump.

The others may have wanted to treat Jonas differently but Mikkel wasn’t going to; if he did, he would be doing to Jonas the same thing others did to him. Even if it was a simple gesture, Mikkel knew how annoying it was to be treated differently.

And so the night begun.

///

Something wasn’t right.

The Winden caves were known for being a place that everyone was advised to stay away from. It was the setting of many urban legends and children’s cautionary tales, and it was the place his uncle Mads had disappeared when he was Mikkel’s age, never to be found.

But there was something about the caves tonight. He couldn’t explain it. He wasn’t sure if it was the creepy noises coming from the caves’ mouth, or if it was the way the lights were flickering, but something called him. The caves, the energy, the forest, the feeling in his bones, they were all telling – warning – Mikkel about what was to come.

He couldn’t help but be hypnotized by it. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from the caves’ entrance. He might have stayed staring at the caves all night had it not been by Jonas.

It was only when Jonas pulled Mikkel’s arm that that Mikkel snapped back and realized that they were the only ones left.

He blinked and felt the fear sinking in.

They needed to get away.

They ran.

He ran faster than he ever had. He ran like his life, future, and fate depended on it. He ran so fast that when he stopped to turn around and ask Jonas where they were, he realized that he had lost Jonas.

He was alone.

At night.

In the forest.

And there was something, or someone, loose that could kidnap him, torture him, or even kill him.

Or maybe all three.

He was fine, he wasn’t going to get scared and start crying, he was going to be fine, if anything happened, he…

What would he do?

Scream? Call for help? Fight?

There was only the woods and darkness.

And just when he was about to panic, his breath coming out in puffs, Mikkel heard a sound. He turned around and saw Jonas right behind him, as if he had never left him in the first place.

With him still out of breath, and before Mikkel could even think of what to say, Jonas told him to be quick and to come back into the caves with him. Jonas extended his hand and told Mikkel that there was something evil in the woods. Confused, but still scared, Mikkel did the only reasonable thing to do ― he placed his clammy right hand on Jonas’s calloused left hand and ran right behind him.  

Had his heart not been pounding, had the night not been that cold, had he not been frightened, he would have still taken Jonas’s hand. Out of everyone, Jonas had stayed with him, lost and found him, and still wanted to protect him. And because it was Jonas, Mikkel didn’t question going back to the caves, even if it made no sense; after all, hadn’t the noise and weirdness come from the caves? Wasn’t that proof that the caves weren’t good?

And yet, Mikkel did not doubt Jonas, because what was there to doubt?

They went into the caves, through the metal door with the weird design, through the long passage, and out the other way but never leaving the caves.

It all seemed surreal.

Why weren’t they leaving? How would they know when things were better? These were questions Mikkel wanted to ask but couldn’t. Instead, as if reading his mind, Jonas smiled reassuringly and told him they had to stay. Mikkel tried controlling his breathing and he tightened his grip on Jonas’s hand.

Would it be childish to admit that he was scared of what could happen to them?

“Everything will be better in the morning,” Jonas murmured. Mikkel smiled slightly and held on tight. He had nothing to fear; Jonas was with him. He firmly believed Jonas wouldn’t let anything happen to him.

That’s why it felt worse when he woke up and realized he was all alone in the caves.

Scared out of his mind, Mikkel called out, “Jonas?”

But there was nothing but the echo of his voice.  

“Hello?”

Had it been a prank?

Jonas left him.

Had Jonas abandoned Mikkel? Was it on purpose?

But something in Mikkel’s heart told him that something was wrong… something was terribly wrong.

He got out of the cave and ran, ran like a madman to his house.

And that’s the moment things started looking weird and distress and confusion started creeping in.

It was when he saw the old car, when his key wouldn’t go in, when he saw a teenager coming out of his house, when he heard the names Ulrich and Katharina attached to two teenagers instead of his parents, when he saw the newspaper, when saw his grandmother Jana looking young and crying, when saw people in odd fashion, when the school principal was someone else, when his father was not in his office, when he saw the case file for his uncle, and when he was confirmed of the date… Mikkel knew…

He knew he wasn’t in 2019 anymore.

///

Before Mikkel’s life change, during the night of November 4th, when the caves and the forest seemed otherworldly, Mikkel had thought, for a small moment in time, that maybe Jonas cared for him more than Magnus and Martha ever did.

He didn’t blame them; the night was dark, and things were scary enough to cloud all reactions, logic and thoughts. Besides, Magnus and Martha were on the other side from where Mikkel was standing. The only person next to him was Jonas. It was only logical for Jonas to have been the one to run with him by his side.

It was Jonas who had been the one to stay behind and get Mikkel, out of danger, while everyone else ran away from the cave. He did what his siblings were supposed to do; he protected him and looked after him. Which was why Mikkel’s heart felt pain and his mind confusion, for he could not wrap his brain around it…

Why Jonas would betray him like that?

Had Jonas never been a good person? Had he been pretending? Or had the evil thing in the words impersonated Jonas in order to trick Mikkel? But it couldn’t have been a fake Jonas; hadn’t Jonas exuded the same reliable energy as always? Hadn’t he told Mikkel that he would protect him and that he was going to take him somewhere safe?

He even held his hand!

Then why, why, why would Jonas abandon him in the caves, in the darkness? Had something happened to him while Mikkel was asleep in the caves? Had Jonas called for help and had Mikkel not heard him? Was Jonas going through the same thing that Erik, the missing teen, was probably going through? Had Jonas gone to get help and ended in another time? Had Jonas even been there?

A thousand and thirty-three questions kept popping through Mikkel’s mind.

Oh, how he missed the carefree days and the calmness his mind had had before all of this!

The doubts and questions would not let his mind rest. Questions like when he was going to wake up, when he was going back to his time, when his family would do something, when he would finally get close enough to the caves to find the passage, when he would find answers…

The questions just wouldn’t stop.

Was he even in the same world? What if he hadn’t gone to the past? What if he was stuck here for the rest of his life? What if he did manage to go back to his time but he was already an adult, and nobody believed him? What if he died here in 1986 and no one ever found him?

What was Mikkel supposed to do?

He was confused, sad, terrified, tired, and lonely.

He couldn’t sleep anymore.

///

Living with Ines made things a little easier.

At first, when he realized that her home was the Kahnwald home, he couldn’t help but cry. He cried out whatever he had left in him. He had left the claustrophobic, bright, cleanliness of the hospital and he was finally at a home, but it was not his home. No, this home belonged to Jonas and his mother and his dead father.

That first night in his new home, despite Ines’s caring nature and comforting words, Mikkel cried himself to sleep. He cried until his face was covered in nothing but his snout and tears, until his chest hurt, until he was sure he couldn’t utter a single word, until there were no more tears. And he slept like there was no tomorrow. But even with all his sleep, he was not rested. All his physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion didn’t allow for any recovery.

Did him living in a home that was not his, that did not belong to his family, make Mikkel an imposter? Was he part of reality tv show? Was he part of some game he wasn’t aware of? What if everyone else was playing a trick on him? What if this was an illusion and he just hadn’t noticed? Was this some sort of magic trick that he had yet to understand? What was going on? Would he get answers, or would he stay in the dark?

///

With time, he stopped crying as often, but he still had a lot trouble sleeping.

To help him sleep Ines would try different things. Sometimes she would read to him I Am Not Afraid. Sometimes she caressed his hair and lulled him to sleep. Sometimes she made him hot cocoa; it was good, but he didn’t know if the hot cocoa never tasted the way it should because of his internal struggle or because it wasn’t his mother that made it. Sometimes she made him Toast Hawaii in hopes of making him feel better. And although these were small things, they made Mikkel feel better.

They made him feel closer to the hope he was losing. They reminded him of the good things, even if it was only for a moment. But sadly, just as the moments were brief, the light and hope never lasted.

The darkness overpowered everything.

The darkness always came back.

///

It was tiring having to pretend to be someone he was not.

It was hard being Michael Kahnwald when he knew that he was ― is ― Mikkel Nielsen.

Was Mikkel Nielsen the boy? Or was he the butterfly? Was he both? What he neither? What about Michael Kahnwald?

Something as simple as having to tell people his name gave him a great deal of anxiety.

It made him not want to leave the house or go to school, and it also made him not look forward to interacting with others. He could spend days without interacting with anyone but Ines (Mama Ines, he needed to remember; she was taking care of him).

Ines Mama Ines was the only person he felt some level of comfortableness. Being with her was comfortable enough that he didn’t mind talking with her or sharing the occasional hug. But even though she was taking care of him and he was living in her house there was a degree of distance between them. And although she knew that he wasn’t feeling well and she had no problem with him staying inside the house, she would occasionally insist that he should interact with kids his age so long as it was somewhere safe.

Mikkel found it hard to do in 1986.

He went from being on the extroverted in 2019 to being introverted in 1986.

In 1986 it was always hard to interact with people because if people didn’t stare or sneer at him, then he had problems saying his name. Whether it was because someone asked him or because he was introducing himself, he had to do a doubletake. Sometimes he found himself saying Mikkel Nielsen before remembering that he was no longer Mikkel Nielsen but Michael Kahnwald. That always made people look confuse and pretend to be polite. Because of this, he preferred the eerie comfort of the house.

The only other place he felt intrigued enough to go to was the infamous Winden forest. As scary as the forest could get at night, the forest gave him some hope. The forest made his heart race with the thought that one day he would once again feel the time travel energy and go back to his time. But he could only cling so much when there rarely was any time travel activity. And when there was, someone or something, would always stop him from coming close to the caves.

He needed to find the door. He needed something before he became obsessed and lost his mind.

Mikkel felt it was harder to feel normal in this new reality.

He missed his old life.

He missed his family.

He missed his home.

He missed being himself.

He missed everything.

///

Mornings with Mama Ines were quiet and uneventful. It was a great contrast to what he was used to.

It was just him and Mama Ines. She made them breakfast and prepared his school lunch. When they weren’t running late, they ate together. They rarely spoke and when they did it was through soft voices and murmurs. He never argued with her the way he did with his parents. She always showed some affection towards him; sometimes it was a hug, sometimes she would push his hair out of his face, and at other times she would place her hands on his cheeks. Many times he didn’t know how to react. Would responding be a betrayal to his mother Katharina?

He didn’t know.

In comparison to mornings at the Kahnwald home, mornings at the Nielsen home were always chaotic. There was always noise in the background; it could be loud music, or it could be it an argument, or it could be the sound of footsteps from one place to another, or it could be all three at once. There were always things all over the place, and something was always happening.

The usual morning consisted of his mother trying to get everyone to have breakfast at the table together as a family before heading to school. That never happened; everyone always had a different goal. While she complained that everyone did as they pleased, Magnus would be searching for his things all over the house. He could never find what he was looking for and took it as his mission to smack Mikkel on the back of his head, as if Mikkel was the culprit and knew where his things were. And while that happened, Martha would be busy, keeping her distance. She could be found either reading a play or being a “rebel with a cause” or talking enthusiastically about Jonas. Among this commotion, Mikkel would try to get someone to see his new magic trick or he would go on a ramble about Houdini and his greatness. By the time Katharina decided it was time to go to school, Ulrich would come home from his morning jog, would eat quickly and get ready to go to work.

But for all the chaos, Mikkel realized that it was peaceful. His mind was quiet, and he was happy. Sure, sometimes Magnus would smack him on the back of his head, sometimes Martha would ignore him, sometimes his mother would argue with him, and sometimes his father would humor him. But that was just how his family was; tough but well-meaning, independent but together, chaotic but loving and happy.

But now, living with Ines Mama Ines, where the mornings were quiet and nothing happened and they ate together, Mikkel realized that the chaos came from within.

And that chaos cluttered his day.

///

The chaos followed him everywhere. It followed him to school, it followed him to the forest, it followed him to the house, it followed him to his bedroom. Heck, he could be sleeping, and he would still feel it.

He wondered how much of that chaos showed in his face, in his physical appearance. He felt like there was a storm inside and that took all his energy. It left him feeling weak, lightheaded, and zombie like in expression.

Could people see his anguish as much as he felt it?

Or was it another hidden trick?

Was he able to create an illusion for people?

///

Mikkel looked up at the sky.

He couldn’t help but wonder if God existed, if there was someone up there planning, controlling and managing people’s destinies.

He didn’t believe in God; he was more of a man of science. Mikkel believed in the Big Bang and in evolution. According to his father, religion and God were nothing more than the brainwashing the masses in order to control them. But now he wondered if perhaps his father had been wrong. It was not to say that Mikkel had suddenly accepted the idea and power of a god; he simply thought that maybe, whether there was a god out there or not, that just maybe, religion was needed to help create some sort of hope for those who felt lost and for those who wanted answers but couldn’t find any.

He wasn’t sure when he started to think like this. He wasn’t sure if it started when he spoke with the priest during his time at the hospital or if it was because of all the time he spent with Mama Ines. But if God was known for having a plan set for everyone, then Mikkel wanted to know what His plan was for him.

Did God even have a plan for Mikkel? Was He making up as He went? Did He make a mistake with Mikkel? Had God decided that Mikkel should be punished for not believing?

Mikkel wanted peace and he wanted answers.

He wasn’t sure if he was going to receive either one.

///

Mikkel (Michael; Michael Kahnwald. He needed to remember to stop calling himself Mikkel) hated school.

School was never fun; no normal kid liked school. Before it happened, school had not been fun but at least it had been bearable. Now, it felt like a nightmare.

He really didn’t talk to anyone in his class; they all stared at him, even after the initial novelty of having a new classmate. He found those stares unbearable. The stares gave him the sense that everyone knew that he was an anomaly, that he was a mistake, that he did not belong. And he knew that. And rather than face that agony, he preferred to keep to himself. He found solace in being left alone; it hurt, but it was better than feeling strangers’ eyes and hearing whispers.

In order to avoid people and make time move faster, Mikkel (it’s Michael, it’s not that hard, it almost sounds the same) would sometimes he take a Rubix cube to school and solve it at least a dozen times before the day finished. Other times he simply stared at his watch and waited for a sign. Sometimes he stayed away from people in the courtyard; other times he snuck into the art room when no one was around. Some days, when he thought that he wouldn’t last the day, he would secretly bring the book Mama Ines had given him.

Those were the easier days. The tough days were when he didn’t show up at school because he physically could not find it in himself to make it through the hauntingly familiar yellow doors. These were the days when he had two choices. One was to go to the forest and lose track of time. The other was to go back to the Kahnwald home, go to his bedroom, and hope to fall asleep and wake up from this dream.

But he couldn’t avoid school forever.

The only thing he could say that he didn’t have an issue with during school time was the occasional glance he shared with Hannah, the girl he met at the hospital. For some reason, from his perspective, her eyes seemed nice, and they reminded him of something or of someone. Her gaze was the only one, besides Mama Ines’s, that did not feel judgmental. He thought that perhaps he felt less judged with her than with Mama Ines. Perhaps it was because of their conversation about magic and illusion, or maybe it was because she didn’t seem mean like this younger version of his mother, Katharina. In fact, in his eyes, she seemed quite kind and maybe even a little lonely.

He couldn’t get place it, but he felt what could be considered the beginning of a bond. This bond would eventually become a permanent part of his life until his very last day. Maybe it was because when he told her he was from the future she smiled at him and shook his hand like she had just made a friend. Maybe it was because she had called him Mikkel, the boy from the future. Maybe she believed him. Or so he hoped.

Whatever it was Hannah was the closest he had to a friend in his new reality. And that wasn’t saying much when their interactions consisted in one or two conversations and few stares and glances.

It didn’t matter; her presence was calming compared to what he felt whenever he saw his mother and father. Or who he thought were his parents. He had to think of them as Katharina and Ulrich; they weren’t anyone’s parents yet. Mikkel would not be able to handle it if he accidently called them “Mama” and “Papa” and they reacted negatively.

Would they mock him even more?

What would happen to him?

Would Ines start to think that there was something wrong with him? He knew she didn’t believe him when he said he was from the future, but he knew the truth. His life had not been a dream or a made-up story. 2019 had been his reality...

But what if, by any chance, it had been a dream and not a reality? What if he had not been from 2019 and Ulrich and Katharina were not his parents but people that could resemble a younger version of them?

No, he knew what he knew.

Or did he?

Mikkel closed his eyes and felt his hands shake, his heartbeat in his ears.

When was he waking up?

///

Once or twice, when he looked around in this reality and saw his father (he’s not your father, he’s just Ulrich Nielsen, a teenager) and the missing flyers for his uncle, Mads Nielsen (not your uncle, just a missing kid, Ulrich Nielsen’s little brother), Mikkel wondered if maybe something similar had happened to him.

Was it possible that Mads had traveled through time? Would he have gone to the future or the past? How far into the past would he have gone? Was he someone that everyone saw and knew but no one recognized? Or was he sent to the future? If so, which future? Had he gone through the same things as Mikkel or had he been kidnapped?

Mikkel (Michael, Michael, Michael, his name now was Michael Kahnwald, why was that hard?) felt chills and decided not to think further about the issue. He already had enough trying to deal with his situation.

It didn’t mean that the thoughts wouldn’t stop coming…

///

Katharina was mean… really mean. She had this energy that let other people know that if she wanted to she could beat anyone up, especially if it was someone she did not like. And Mikkel, (it’s Michael, everyone here knows him as Michael, so why was it so hard for him to call himself that?) often found that when he and Katharina did cross paths, which was not often, he seemed to be the object of her hatred. It made him wonder if maybe his mother had never loved him. It was a silly thought, but it crossed his mind nevertheless. Maybe that was why she had been slightly upset with him during the day of his parents’ 25th anniversary. He couldn’t help it if he got rubella; he didn’t want it any more than she did.

Maybe she had only pretended to love him all his life.

Mikkel knew that that wasn’t true; he knew that she had only been worried. She loved him. Even while the party happened, Katharina had gone to Mikkel’s room and taken care of him while he had a raging fever. She even stayed when he asked her to. She hugged him and he had been happy. He knew his mother loved him.

But his mother and this Katharina were two separate people. And so were his father and this Ulrich.

This Ulrich had two ways of directing his attention: either he bumped into Mikkel Michael and completely ignored him and forgot he existed, or he would mock Mikkel Michael for being weird and potentially doing enough drugs to have confused the Nielsen home for his.

He got disgust from his mother and neglect from his father.

They hated him. These younger versions of his parents didn’t accept him, love him, or wanted anything to do with him.

Had they always felt this way?

This train of thought would sneak up on him. He knew these thoughts weren’t true. They were stupid because deep down he knew his family loved him. They loved him even if his mother never understood his obsession with Houdini, or Hodini as she said, even if his father spent a lot of time at work, even if Magnus did think that he was annoying, and even if Martha constantly thought that he was adopted. He knew they loved him because his mother always made sure he was feeling okay, his father always kissed the back of his head in the mornings, his brother was never too cool to not look after him at school, and his sister made sure her friends never bullied him. They all cared for him. And he loved them.

He tried keeping the memory of their love with him when he needed something to ground him from his chaotic never changing thoughts. And some days that’s all he did. He could spend hours on this infinite train of thought; a never-ending loop. He wondered how many people missed him, how many people were looking for him, if that really had been the Jonas he knew, if his family suspected anything, if his family was torn up, if he was just sleeping, if he was going to go back, if he…

He sighed.

He needed to sleep.

And not wake up startled and cry at his reality. He needed ―

He closed his eyes, held his hands, and tried breathing calmly.

Sleep.

He needed sleep.

Things would be better once he woke up.

If he woke up.

And like that, Mikkel’s internal cycle began anew.

///

Eventually Mikkel (Michael, it’s Michael Kahnwald now, I’m not Mikkel Nielsen anymore) slowly started to forget about his other life, or maybe he chose to cut some parts of it in order to keep living.

It started with small details; the big ones like his family, his home, Jonas’s betrayal, his life at school, were still vibrant. But the small simple things like knowing whether he had done his bed before leaving the house or what he had last seen on tv, were slowly becoming a blur.

As confusing as it was, he accepted his reality; he just had to. He had to face that he was stuck living in Winden in the 1980s. He needed to come to terms with the fact that one day he might see his brother and sister as babies. Maybe he might even see Jonas as a baby. Or he might even see himself as baby.

It was a tough thing to grasp… It was one thing to see baby pictures of yourself and another to physically see yourself in that stage of your life. How could he be fine with the idea that one day there would be two Mikkel Nielsens in Winden and no one would know the difference?

What would he do if he saw his family as children? Would he try to stop them from ever befriending Jonas? And what would he do if he saw Jonas again? What if it was when Jonas was just a baby? Was he capable to stopping Jonas from doing what he would do? Would Mikkel Michael be capable of doing anything?

For some reason, even if in his mind it made absolutely no sense, he couldn’t bring himself to hate Jonas. He knew he should but couldn’t. And he didn’t understand why. He couldn’t understand the bond he felt when he was with Jonas.

Those kinds of thoughts shook him to his core and left him with more dark circles and bags that he thought it was possible. It was these kinds of thoughts, the ones always lurking in the back of his mind, that plagued him and kept him awake at night. And by the time he achieved any form of sleep he would have a nightmare and wake up startled all covered in sweat, out of breath, and trembling.

How could he live when his present was in the past, his future was his past, and his past was his future?

When did Mikkel belong to? When was the past, the present, and the future? When will he understand?

What was that thing that Mama Ines was always saying? What was that thing she kept telling him? Ah yes, that some things were best forgotten and that it was important to live in the now. He didn’t know if she told him that because she could sense his struggle or if she was merely sharing with him her personal mantra. It made him wondered if she had or had had any family. Had something happened to them? Had something happened to her? Maybe she was just as lonely and sad as he was. And as weird as it still felt to call someone else his mother, and as confusing as his situation was, he was glad that she decided to take care of him and make him her family. Who knows what would have happened to him? Ines was nice to him and seemed to want the best for him.

///

After the incident with his father (the escaped child murder, his father was not that old ― did he even have a father?), Mama Ines thought that it was best if Michael (your real name is Mikkel; don’t ever forget that) would sometimes come to the hospital with her. She insisted that she wanted to spend time with him.

He wasn’t dumb; he knew she was scared that he would wander off and that something bad would happen to him as evidenced by his previously broken leg, the skipping school, and the escape with the old man. And as suffocating as the hospital was, Michael (Mikkel) found himself fascinated by its bizarre paintings, which not only seemed familiar, but he was pretty sure they were the same ones as those found deep within the caves.

But when he wasn’t inside looking at the paintings, he could often be found sitting on the courtyard bench all by himself, staring at nothing in particular.

Sometimes, he would catch a glimpse of Hannah and her father in their van; other times he felt her gaze on him. Somedays they didn’t get to speak or see one another but when they did, more often than not, she was the one coming towards him ― bored he presumed, not that he minded. She never made him feel uncomfortable. She didn’t stare at him like others did nor did she seem malicious when she spoke to him. Mikkel found that comforting; he knew he could not avoid human communication for too long. He knew people needed to communicate with others or else they would get too lonely.

In their own way, more him than her, they were outsiders looking for a friend. He knew she had friends, as evidenced by her following Katharina around, but he also knew that a person could be with others and still feel alone. Maybe she was lonely too; something told him he could sense that loneliness in her, that he could sense her need to be heard and seen.

Hannah never spoke much but the few things that she did say always interested him and made him smile. She would tell him things that she imagined, things that she could do, things she believed in like the rain still being dangerous after the Chernobyl disaster, or things that made both think. And he thought he got the same reaction from her whenever he spoke about Houdini, whenever he mentioned something from his time such as a scientific discovery or a popular song, or whenever he performed a magic trick. Sometimes she smiled and laughed, and sometimes she seemed serious; he was never sure if she believed him or thought him insane.

He didn’t dare ask. But he knew that she enjoyed his company as much as he enjoyed hers.

And although she was a bit older than him, it never felt that way.

At least to him it wasn’t that way.

He didn’t think she saw him as a crazy loner.

And for some reason, he came to realize that the one thing about Hannah that caught his attention was that she felt like family. Not someone he would consider a sister or anything like that, but although he couldn’t explain it, he knew he felt that there was something about her that linked her to him.

He wondered if she thought the same.

He also wondered if she would like some Toast Hawaii. Or maybe some hot cocoa.

He couldn’t bring himself to ask her.

///

In one of his many days visiting the hospital, he found himself staring at the painting again.

Mama Ines had suggested he take art. She told him that there was nothing wrong with being a sensible boy or not good being with words. He didn’t contradict her, but he didn’t share with her why he was hesitant towards art. She told him that she would buy him the supplies and that he could take the house attic as his studio if he wished. And although she was convinced that he would be good at art and never spared a moment to remind him so, he had his doubts.

It wasn’t that he thought himself incapable of producing art. As a magician, Mikkel had an eye for detail and observation skills. The same applied to art. But would pursuing art be accepting Michael Kahnwald and abandoning Mikkel Nielsen? Mikkel had always liked art, but he knew his true passion was with magic.

Something in his heart told him that if he started painting, his affinity for magic would disappear. It wasn’t that he feared that he would lose it all (he knew he could perform his go-to tricks even in his sleep), but rather, he feared that the strange comfort and pain magic brought him would be eclipsed by the art and whatever this new outlet would bring. Dedicating time for art not only felt a betrayal to magic ―Mikkel’s first love― but it felt like a betrayal to Mikkel Nielsen and his past (or was it future now?).

Despite his doubts and inner conflicts, Mikkel Michael was interested in art and he knew it showed. Even Hannah had even caught him staring at the paintings at the hospital on more than one occasion.

There were days when he thought of continuing his studies on magic tricks. He thought about getting books on Houdini and performing a trick or two for Mama Ines and Hannah. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so; these hit too close to home for him and they always made his eyes teary.

At one point, his love for magic had given him something to be happy and enthusiastic. Mikkel had wanted to become a magician in the future. That had been his dream. But now, his dream gave him conflicted feelings. He never would have thought of associating magic tricks with pain and longing.

He knew he had to live in the now and accept his reality, but magic tricks allowed him to hold on to his past. He figured if he continued to do magic tricks, he might never let go of his dream. This dream was to create his greatest magic trick yet, despite its impossibility. He wanted nothing more than to simply to wake up.

 Mama Ines wasn’t the only one who suggested he try art; Hannah did too. While Mama Ines’s reasoning was that he needed a healthy way to express himself, Hannah’s was just on observation.

She wasn’t insistent like Mama Ines; Hannah had only mentioned it once.

It happened one day when they were both at the hospital and she caught him staring at the same painting again. She suggested offhandedly that he dwell in art. Why spend so much time looking at the same painting when he could paint one of his own? With his interesting personality, she told him, she was sure he would create something beyond her imagination.

He didn’t say anything, as usual, and just stared at her and then back at the painting. She just shrugged and they stayed quiet. Somehow they had agreed to go out to the hospital’s backyard without uttering a word.

Silence wasn’t that bad with them. At least he didn’t think it was.

In their silence, Mikkel Michael thought about how magic tricks weren’t helping him anymore. Maybe art could be his new thing.

But what would he paint?

Could he paint her?

He wasn’t sure; he wasn’t sure if he could draw or paint realistically. He feared that she would be insulted if he did a horrible rendition of her. Abstract paintings seemed more down his alley.

Could his hands perform the same level craft as he did with his shell trick? What if it ended terribly? What would he do? How would he occupy his mind?

Mama Ines told him not to overthink it. Many times the artist does not a set goal; the artist simply feels and lets the heart take over the medium.

He knew he could do it; all his excuses seemed that ― excuses.

Was this what Jonas’s dad had thought? Mikkel remembered when Jonas had mentioned that although his dad was a painter, he had performed one or two tricks on him. At the time, Mikkel thought he was cool, but now, he thought―

Why was he still referring to himself as Mikkel?

He was Michael.

Michael Kahnwald.

Sitting in the Kahnwald garden Mikkel Michael covered his eyes with his hands. He took some deep breaths. He heard footsteps and felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. Before Ines could say anything Michael looked at her and said,

“I want to paint.”

She smiled.

///

Michael was not sure when things just got muddled.

He had long accepted that his reactions and thoughts had gotten slower throughout the years. There were things that seemed fuzzy to him. Maybe it was the lack of sleep; maybe it was the lack of certainty, or maybe it was the lack of control over his life. Whatever it was, Michael had long since given up on trying to fight these forces.

He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when he accepted things as they were, even if there was a small voice in the back of his head that begged silently at him to remember the truth. He had no idea what that was.

All he could remember was that, when he first came across Mama Ines and was at the hospital, he had felt a great deal of denial and fear. Something about a dream or a paradox ― he really couldn’t remember anymore. He remembers experiencing an intense feeling of betrayal and anger. He remembers berating himself about the accident with the old man who had escaped the hospital. He remembers spending days asking himself why he hadn’t fought back ― fought who? He couldn’t remember. He remembers feeling like he had missed his chance ― his chance for what?

He remembers the anger he had had at the world, at Winden, at himself, at God, at...

He was not going to go down a dark path. He needed to focus on the now.

///

Sometimes he had dreams. Dreams about people he knew weren’t around; dreams of people that felt and seemed familiar. Dreams of a blue bedroom with science motifs and a great poster with his face where Houdini’s should have been. Dreams of a brother and a sister and a mother and a father. Dreams of the mysterious Winden caves. Dreams of a boy ―a teenager ― with blond hair and a bright yellow raincoat.

But he could never see their faces. He knew he knew them, but he couldn’t remember them.

That generated a great deal of confusion.

He could say that he had come to accept the confusion. He could try to convince others and himself that he was fine, that he didn’t feel dread from time to time or that he didn’t sometimes wake up startled and gasping.

He could try to bury the truth… but he knew that the truth always had a way of coming out.

Deep inside, he knew he wasn’t and had never been well.

///

Time passed and although there was always some darkness in his heart, Michael made some peace by retreating in the house while working on his paintings. He would sometimes he get anxious about going out, but he tried to rationalize with himself. He couldn’t avoid the outdoors forever. He had to do it for himself, for Hannah and for his mother.

Hannah…

Being with Hannah made things better; she made him feel a sense of belonging that he didn’t feel with others. He hoped she felt the same way.

They cared for each other. He always made sure to treat her with gentle care, and she always made sure to be there for him. This was expressed whenever they spoke, whenever they joked around, whenever they comforted each other, and whenever they stayed silent and did nothing but hold hands or hug.  

In his way, he really did love her. And he knew that she loved him too.

Being with her grounded Michael and gave him peace.

 When Hannah told him that she was pregnant Michael didn’t know how to react. His internal reaction was a mixture of happiness, sadness and worry.

He was finally having a family of his own. He had a family. He was going to be a father. He was going to watch his child grow up. He was going to form many memories. They were going to be happy together.

In their moment of shared happiness, he cried and felt like he had a new purpose. He laughed while tears ran down his cheeks. He gently placed his hands onto Hannah’s still flat stomach. Through his blurry vision he could make out her smile, he could feel her place her soft hands on top of his dry ones. They hugged each other as Michael’s tears fell on her hair. Hannah replied with small kisses on his chest.

But despite the happy moment, Michael felt a sadness he couldn’t explain. And along with that sadness came the worry. He was worried because he knew that he was not the most mentally and emotionally stable person around. He worried that he would fail as a parent. He worried that he might not be able to give his child all the love and happiness that he deserved and needed. He worried that one day his family might leave him. He worried that one day he would wake up and realize that his family was all but a dream.

He found it hard to voice those concerns, but Hannah just held him tighter as if she felt him drifting away.

He wanted to believe that everything would be okay.

 Not long before their child was born, Hannah had asked if Michael had thought of any names for the baby. When he admitted he couldn’t think of any, Hannah said she had thought of just one.

When she suggested they name the baby Jonas, Michael’s expression changed slightly. Although he couldn’t pinpoint why the name gave him conflicted feelings joy and sadness, Michael didn’t object. Something told him that if it had been up to him he might have named their son Harry Houdini Kahnwald.

Jonas seemed like a good name. The name made Michael think of someone gentle, someone reliable, someone caring, someone likeable, someone who could brighten anyone’s day with his presence.

He couldn’t wait to meet him.

 The first time he saw his son Jonas, Michael (Mikkel, said a voice in his head, it’s Mikkel) felt something he hadn’t felt before. He couldn’t explain it…

When his son’s tiny fingers wrapped around his finger, Michael couldn’t help but feel like he already knew his son. He felt a strong bond and a sense of familiarity that made Michael feel as if he had known Jonas in another life.

When he looked at his son, and he saw his light hair, his blue eyes, his rosy cheeks, and his tiny hand, a gentle look came across his face. Michael thought baby Jonas looked like an angel; an angel who had been sent to been to protect Michael (Mikkel). Maybe meeting his son was the reason why he had managed to be survive all these years. Maybe it was God’s plan that Michael could endure his good and bad days because God knew he would one day meet his most important person.

On the day Michael meet Jonas, he made him a promise.

He promised that he would protect his son no matter what.

Even at the cost of his own life.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Notes: This is also my first Dark fanfic ever. I hope I wasn't too out of character since there is only so much that is shown to the audience. Since we don't know how many Mikkels, Michaels, Jonases, Hannahs, Ineses, Nielsen families, worlds or timelines we've seen in the show, I decided to just mix all everything and explore Mikkel/Michael's thoughts and feelings.

I know many people think Hannah is crazy (her obsession with Ulrich being #1), but we've also seen that no character is 100% evil or 100% good. And upon a second viewing, we see that she cared for her family and she was the one to tell the Stranger that they should tell others about this time travel issue. And since this is from Michael/Mikkel's perspective, he must have seen something that the other characters and the audience didn't. He must have felt something for Hannah for them to marry and have Jonas.

Can't wait for Cycle 3.

Hope you like it :)

(also posted in https://archiveofourown.org/works/21635350)

[hi-i-love-u-bitch]

Turns Out Being a Super Hero Is Actually Really Gay! - Chapter 3

I am so, so sorry this is late guys! A lot of things have been going on and I wasn’t able to finish the chapter on time yesterday. But it’s here now and I hope you like it. As always I would like to thank the lovely @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil for there lovely AU for without it I would not have the inspiration to write this. ENJOY!!!

Master Post

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So, after the group of teens were done freaking out because “holy shit, Thomas Sanders, top YouTube celebrity, is THE Rainbow Weaver!” Thomas decided to take them to a small but cozy pizza place down town. He bought them six boxes of pizza, hot wings, fries, onion rings, ice cream shakes and a few other goodies, much to the teens protests and insistence that they could pay for themselves. Thomas assured them that it was fine but that still didn’t stop them from arguing that it wasn’t. He payed no mind to their comments as he payed for the food and lead them towards the back of the restaurant where a large circular booth resided, big enough to fit them all.

As Thomas watched these teens…these children scarf down their food like they hadn’t eaten a day in their lives he couldn’t help but worry. He knew exactly how scary it must be for them to suddenly gain strange new powers and not know what to do with them. But the difference between them was that Thomas got his powers near the middle of his senior year of high school and these kids were still…sophomores? Junior? Either way, they were still much to young to be worrying about powers and weird things like that. Unlike them Thomas didn’t have much of a “social life” in high school and college so being Rainbow Weaver was a good distraction from that but these kids…he doubt they were the same.

They had come searching for him for help and honestly Thomas was totally willing to give them whatever help they needed. He just didn’t know what? He wasn’t a teacher, he was a chemical engineering and theater major that did YouTube videos and super heroing on the side. I mean, if they needed help controlling their powers Thomas would to the best, he could to teach them but if they wanted to become super heroes…

“Are you okay, Mr. Sanders?” Thomas looked up to see four pairs of curious eyes looking at him, still munching away at their meal. He was pretty sure it was the stoic looking kid that asked him this, Logan he believed his name was.

“Hmm, yeah,” Thomas said, shaking his head “yeah, why do you ask?”

“You kind of have this…” The loud kid, Roman if he was remembering correctly, gestured towards him “…face, like you’ve just kind of walked into your doom.”

Thomas saw how the groups shoulders slumped, the mood severely brought down by that statement and he really didn’t want to see these boys in anymore distressed then they already were.

“Oh, no, no, uh, I was just…thinking you know,” Thomas sighed, rubbing his face tiredly “like, how is it that Oscorp can screw up twice and let a multimillion-dollar mutant spider escape…again! Like, they’re supposed to be a bunch of geniuses, right? But they’re letting this happen again and god only knows how much more powerful that little spider is. I was lucky enough to have accidently stepped on mine and killed it but it seems that little guy you got there is a bit smarter.”

“Indeed,” Logan perked up “from what I was able to study and pick up from its distorted speech pattern, it seems to know what it’s doing. It was trying to kill us as it saw us as a potential threat, which is why the venom dosage increased with each victim, but it unknowingly mutated our DNA. To say it was disappointed that I woke up the next morning is…an understatement.”

“It likes me though.” The gloomy kid, Virgil he recalled, stated smugly.

Logan rolled his eyes, “Yes, well you did help it escape out your window so of course it sees you as some sort of ally.”

“Are we just going to skip over the fact that it TRIED to kill us?” Roman said worriedly.

“Yes, because I don’t wanna think about it,” The cutesy kid, Patton, whined childishly but there was a glint of fear in his eyes “and for the record tell that creepy crawly death dealer that I don’t like it either!”

“It’s nothing personal Patton,” Virgil assured “consciously or not it’s just a defense mechanism all spiders have when they’re scared.”

“I don’t care,” Patton cried “I still don’t want it anywhere near me!”

Thomas watched as they continued to argue and bicker, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips and the bitter taste of dread at the pit of his stomach. These were kids, teenagers really but still kids none the less, still full of life and wonder. He couldn’t burden them with the life of a hero. All the worry and sleepless nights and existential dread that came along with the job would definitely snuff out whatever innocence these boys had left. But he couldn’t just leave them to their own devices, they needed guidance on how to navigate their new-found powers. He’d be willing to do that, only that, nothing else. His job was dangerous as it was and he didn’t need to drag these kids into it, especially if they still don’t yet know how to control their powers.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Thomas said, finally interrupting the boys’ argument “I can help you guys out, well, I can try. I’ll help you guys understand what you’re going through and how to control your powers better, though I’m not sure if we’re exactly the same in that regard. Again, I have no idea what advances Oscorp has made in genetic splicing. You all could have totally different powers then what I’m used to.”

“We have all the basic functions,” Logan explained helpfully “though only Virgil and Roman can make webbing and I assume you can’t hear at the frequency we have; thus, you can’t hear the spider talking.”

“You would be correct in that assumption,” Thomas nodded “though, I mean, sometimes I can sense where they are and how they’re feeling but that’s about it. Nothing too crazy. Anything else?”

“None that we know of,” Roman shrugged “we’ve just been sticking to things all day and seeing weird colors radiating off each other like fireworks and this weird buzzing in the back of our head that keeps telling us somethings happening.”

“Yeah, that would be your spidy sense.” Thomas said.

The boys tilted their heads like some sort of adorable, confused puppy, “Spidy sense?”

“It’s a thing that I have and you guys have that makes us a LOT more aware of our surroundings,” Thomas explained “how do you think I’m able to attack, dodge, and shoot things without even looking at them?”

“Oh, you mean precognition,” Logan said “like the crab spider.”

“Sort of,” Thomas said “think of it as a sort of alarm clock that goes off every time dangers near.”

“Oh great, just what I need in my life,” Virgil said sarcastically “even more anxiety.”

“Yeah, that’s gunna be a tough one for you to handle bud,” Thomas said sympathetically “given that you have anxiety it’ll feel like one and the same but I’ll teach you a few tricks to help tell the difference.”

Virgil gave him a shy appreciative smile and Thomas all but melted as the kid mumbled, “Th-thanks…that would…help a lot actually.”

No Sanders! Do not get attached to these kids! Do not!

“So, um, what are we gunna do now?” Patton piped up shyly “Are you gunna teach us to be super heroes?”

“Do we get to be your sidekicks?” Roman asked excitedly, practically bouncing in his seat.

Thomas bit the inside of his cheek anxiously, “Um, well, I’ll teach you guys how to control your powers and understand yourselves better and everything but I don’t think-”

“Obviously, we would have to train a significant amount before even considering becoming his sidekicks.” Logan stated plainly.

“I know that Einstein,” Roman huffed “I’m just asking!”

“Wait, if we’re gunna do this are we gunna have to make our own costumes or something?” Virgil asked “Because I don’t know if I’m willing to put in that much effort.”

“Ooo, Roman and I can help you guys if you want,” Patton offered “I’m good at sewing and Roman sometimes helps out the costume department at the drama club.”

“Thank you, Patton, but I don’t think we should be thinking about costumes until after we’ve completed our training.” Logan said.

“Boo you whore,” Roman grumbled “you’re no fun.”

“You are not super heroes!” Thomas said firmly causing the table to go quiet, all four boys staring at him with a mixture of confusion and disappointment. He sighed, “Look, guys, my job as Rainbow Weaver, it’s not a game. It’s dangerous and tiring and…is the biggest responsibility you could ever ask for.”

The boys fidgeted in their seats, having now realized they were sort of jumping to conclusions and not seeing the reality of the situation. Thomas continued on, “You guys are just kids, you’re still in high school, you’re still growing, you still have a life! I don’t want you guys to leave that behind. Being a super hero may seem cool and glamorous but it’s a lot of work and sometimes…” There was a look of pain that flashed across Thomas is eyes, too quick for the boys to properly evaluate “…sometimes you won’t be able to save everyone. This is a job where you can’t afford to make mistakes because they have dire consequences. For you, the people around you, their families, everyone, they’re all affected. And no one will give you the benefit of the doubt because you’re a hero and it’s your job to protect them.”

It was silent for a moment then Roman asked, quiet and unsure, “If it’s such a burden then…why did you become a hero?”

The look of pain and regret returned to Thomas is eyes as he ran an anxious hand across his salt and pepper brown hair, “To become a better person then what I once was.”

“What does that mean?” Virgil asked bravely but still quite gentle.

“Sometimes,” Thomas began carefully “things happen and…people get hurt and then you have no choice but to take responsibility for that.” No one pressed him any further but it seemed Thomas still had more to say, “You guys have an opportunity to…live a normal life. I had that opportunity but the choices I made forced me to abandon it and I regret it so much. But I knew it was something to be done and because of it I did end up helping a lot of people but…also hurting a lot of people as well.”

Finally, Thomas looked back up at them, a strong determined look in his eyes, “I don’t want you guys going through the same experiences as I did. I want you boys to live your lives as normally as possible. Go out, make friends, date, have parties, worry about exams…live a life. Because if you choose to go down this path this will be your only life, do you understand?”

It was quiet again, this time much longer and this time it was Logan who chose to brake it, “No offence, Mr. Sanders, we understand completely what you’re trying to tell us but what else do you expect us to do with these abilities?”

Thomas sighed tiredly, “Look, kid-”

“No, we get it,” Logan continued “well, at least, I know I do. I can not speak for us all but I understand how big of a responsibility this is. But do you really expect us to go about our lives normally as we did before? How are we supposed to live “normally” when we know that we are anything but? How are we going to go our whole lives doing nothing and letting our powers sit dormant when we can feel it itching beneath our skin? Honestly, could you have done that?”

Thomas thought a moment, flashing back to when he first got his powers and how everything felt jittery and loud. How he had trouble sitting still and had been restless for days. Then he became Rainbow Weaver and everything changed, it was difficult yes but it really helped get out a lot of that nervous, restless energy he had inside him. He felt he was using his powers correctly and not just sitting there while his head buzzed like an angry hornets’ nest. When he first got his powers, he knew he needed to do SOMETHING with them but he didn’t know what. That lead to a lot of trouble be even then after he knew that he still couldn’t just sit there.

“I’ll admit that I would have been restless and miserable my entire life if I hadn’t become Rainbow Weaver,” Thomas answered honestly “however, I think I still would of chosen to do so instead of taking on the mask.”

“Do you really hate being Rainbow Weaver that much?” Virgil asked. He looked…hurt? Disappointed? Thomas wasn’t quite sure but he knew for sure that he didn’t like it.

“I don’t hate being Rainbow Weaver,” Thomas said, looking out the window next to their booth “it’s just…after a couple of years it kind of takes a toll on you. I’m just a tired, grumpy old man, nothing special.”

More silence, the boys quietly mulling over the conversation, fidgeting with that same restless energy mentioned earlier and then…

“You’re special to me.”

Thomas looked back to see Roman staring back at him with a pout and a gentle yet fiery look in his eyes. “You may not think yourself special as a person but to me, be it Thomas Sanders or Rainbow Weaver, you’ve brought…just a little bit more joy into my life. And maybe it’s not a lot to someone like you but it’s a lot to me. So…if I could be able to do that for someone, even if it’s just one person, I’d be over the moon.

“I understand your concern and you’re absolutely right, this is not a game. But Logan is, dare I say it, right, we can’t just sit around letting these powers fester inside us. What are we supposed to do with our selves for the rest of our lives? Can’t go back to being normal when we know for damn sure we’re not and I don’t know about the rest of you but I want to do more with my life. Especially now that I can!”

Thomas sighed once more, rubbing a hand over his face and hair, “You gotta understand kid, this isn’t like the comic books. The dangers and hardships are real and once you’re in there is no going back.”

“And I accept that,” Roman replied firmly “I accept all of it and everything and…if I live to regret it then oh well. But I know that I’ll regret it more knowing I had the power to do something but instead chose to do nothing. In the end it’s my choice and nobody else is.”

Well, I’m not sure about the whole super hero thing,” Virgil pipped up “but…I do feel like I should be doing something with these powers. I’ve taught my self to play it safe and keep quiet my whole life but now…now I wanna do something more. I don’t want to just sit here letting the world pass me by anymore I want…I want to do something spontaneous and brave.

“A-and I know this isn’t some sort of hobby you pick up like dancing or painting or something,” Virgil said quickly “but I feel like…it’s something I need to do. Something I have to do. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“I…” Thomas wanted to say yes, yes, he understood everything that they were saying because it was what drove him to be Rainbow Weaver in the first place. But he also wanted to lie and say no, just so he can protect these kids from the horrors that awaited them down the hero’s path.

“Plus,” Patton added “you look like you could use the help. It must be difficult looking after an entire city alone. And since we all have powers now, we can make the work a whole lot easier for you in return for you helping us control our powers.”

“Indeed,” Logan said, readjusting his fake glasses “crime rate will surely go down in numbers with five on the team. It will give you time to have optimal rest between shifts as well as pursue what ever other hobbies you previously could not do. It’s a solid business proposition for all of us, we get the proper training we need to control our new-found abilities and you have a more balanced out schedule for both your vigilante duties and personal life.”

Thomas looked over these kids, determination in their eyes and fire in their bellies, ready to take on the weight of the world for him. They were stubborn and foolish and so not ready for anything yet to come…but it would be very hypocritical of Thomas to deny them this path. Plus, he wasn’t their parent, it wasn’t like he could completely tell them what to do. All he could do was warn them of what was ahead and hope to whatever god above they take his advice. Thomas sighed again, then he groaned, then he banged his head against the table because these kids were so stubborn, exactly like him, and it was all just so frustrating. He looked back up at them, face squished against the table as four pairs of worried eyes stared at him, he probably looked insane. He probably was insane but was too deep in shit to actually be affected by anything now.

“Fine.” Thomas said, he was so going to regret this.

“Fine what?” Roman asked.

Thomas made a vague gesture with his hand, “Fine, I’ll…teach you and train you guys and, if you really want, I’ll…consider letting you help me out a bit.”

“Really?” Logan said, somewhat excitedly, like a child on Christmas.

If this were not such a serious matter Thomas would of laughed, “But nothing to dangerous, just…common things, purse muggers, corner store robberies, assaulters, jay walkers, all that jazz.”

“Hey, that’s good enough for me.” Virgil said, a small excited smile growing on this face.

“Me too!” Patton exclaimed.

“I second that motion.” Logan added.

“Epic!” Roman cheered.

“But!” Thomas interrupted “You guys are still minors and in high school so you all are under my rule, got it? You do exactly as I say when I say it.”

They all nodded enthusiastically, still jittery with excitement as Thomas continued to give out instructions, “This is a dangerous job and I want you all trained first and for most. So, we aren’t gunna be going out on patrol anytime soon, get that into your head right now. Secondly, it is imperative you keep all of this a secret, everything we do can not only put you at risk but your families and friends.”

“Luckily, I don’t have any friends.” Virgil half joked.

Logan rolled his eyes, “Gee, thanks.”

“Thirdly,” Thomas cut in, his expression growing dark and serious “if you guys are going to do this, you have to be willing to put everything you have into this. No short cuts, no half assed effort, no walking away. It’s all or nothing, got it?”

“Got it.” They echoed, just as serious and determined as Thomas feared they’d be.

“Alright,” Thomas huffed, leaning back to stretch “let’s finish up here and then we have to go somewhere.”

“Where?” Patton asked curiously.

“There are a few people I want you to meet.” Thomas smirked mysteriously.

---

Thomas had been worried at first, it was very suspicious for a grown adult man to take for underaged teenagers to his house. It gave off the wrong impression to people and made him look like a creep. But what else could he do but make sure the boys were safe and comfortable, assuring them that nothing bad would happen even though when he said it out loud it still sounded mildly disturbing. Like sure, he was Rainbow Weaver, but he was still a stranger to these boys and he did not want to scare them off when they had no where else to turn to for help.

Thankfully the boys understood Thomas is worry and were careful to not crowed around too much to make it seem weird. When they got to his neighborhood Roman commented that the two-story brownstone townhouse Thomas lived in looked like the house from Stuart Little. Thomas paused a moment, tilting his head back to get a good look at his house before chuckling and reluctantly agreeing that, “Yeah, you’re kind of right.”

Inside, the house was spacious and neat, band, concert, musical and play posters hung on the wall alongside pictures of Thomas and his friends and family. There were lots of colors, figurines from movies and shows, potted plants on shelves, tables and corners, and just and overall warm atmosphere.

“Whoa, your house is really neat-o!” Patton exclaimed, excitingly looking over one of the potted plants filled with sweet peas.

Thomas smiled bashfully, “Oh, thanks, I-”

“You went to a My Chemical Romance concert?!” Virgil gasped softly as he stared at one of the hung-up posters “And you got it signed?!”

“Yeah,” Thomas nodded “me and Joan went-”

“You went to see Hamilton!” Roman squealed, looking up at another poster “And you got it signed by Lin Manuel Mirandas!”

“Yes and-”

“Do you have the entire anthology of Agatha Christie and Arthur Conan Doyle’s work?” Logan asked excitedly, he ran his finger over the books of the bookshelf and plucked out The Murder of Roger Ackroyd.

“Not entirely but-”

“Oh my gosh!” Patton squealed, running over to the living room towards the shelf filled with pop vinyl’s “You have a bunch of Winnie the Pooh pops! And Steven Universe! I love that show!”

“I heard Steven Universe!” Roman exclaimed, rushing in behind his friend.

“Where?” Virgil chimed in, not to far behind with Logan tailing along, nose deep in a Sherlock Holmes book.

“You have a record player!” Roman gasped, quickly kneeling to look through Thomas is record box “What types of records do you have?”

“Oh, David Bowie!” Patton smiled as he pulled out a record.

“Cool, the Beatles White Album!” Virgil grinned.

“Isn’t that the one that Charles Manson was obsessed over?” Roman asked.

“It’s still a good album.” Virgil and Thomas said at the same time. They blinked at each other in surprise before dissolving into a fit of giggles. It was all a little more chaotic then what Thomas was expecting but it wasn’t unwelcome. Thomas didn’t usually have many people over except for Joan and Talyn so it was…nice hearing the house so full of laughter.

Speaking of Joan and Talyn…

“Thomas? Is that you?” A voice from down the hall made it’s way closer and closer to the living room where it was revealed to belong to a lanky, scraggily looking person in an orange beanie. “Talyn and I just finished-”

They paused, looking over the scene carefully as the boys all froze like deer caught in headlights. They scanned over each teen one by one before making direct eye contact with Thomas and carefully asking: “What the hell is going on?”

“Joan, uh,” Thomas flubbered in place, caught way off guard “look, hears the thing, uh, they have what I have.”

“That isn’t making any of this look any better Thomas!” Joan exclaimed, frustrated.

“Uh…”

“We have spider powers!” Roman butted in, shooting a web at a nearby picture frame causing it to fall and brake “Sorry!”

“God damn it Roman!” Virgil shrieked “Be careful, this isn’t your house!”

“Oh please,” Roman huffed “as if you weren’t just going through his vinyl collection not five seconds ago. And without permission might I add.”

“You did so as well,” Logan rebutted “so it’s kind of hypocritical of you to make that statement.”

“Right back at you!” Roman shot back, gesturing to the book in Logan’s hands.

The bespectacled man flushed with embarrassment, setting the book down on a nearby table as Virgil bounced back up, “Well, he’s not the one that broke something!”

“Come on guys, please no fighting.” Patton begged but it fell on deaf ears and soon the room was filled with loud arguing. Joan and Thomas observed the chaos unfold silently, contemplating what their best course of action should be. Wait it out? Get involved?

“What’s going on?” Another voice chimed in and the room went silent once more, turning to find a short person with orange and black hair. Joan pointed to Thomas who merely shrugged sheepishly and said: “Talyn, you’re never gunna believe this.”

---

They head down towards Thomas is basement (which still sounds super fucking creepy) and find that it has been transformed into pretty sizable high-tech lab. If Logan had been excited by the books that Thomas owned, he was over the moon by all the gadgets and text books he had down there. He kept asking question after question about how everything worked and what did this do and what did that do? Thomas found the whole thing very amusing, like watching a little kid at a candy store.

“Did you all make all this stuff?” Logan asked excitedly.

“Well, it was mainly Joan and Talyn.” Thomas said.

“Don’t sell yourself short man,” Joan scolded lightly, patting their friend on the back “you did a lot of the designing and schematics. Not your fault you had to be out saving everybody.”

“Stay still please,” Talyn ordered gently, seating Logan on a near by chair next to Patton, Roman, and Virgil who had a few suction cup wires stuck to their foreheads, necks, chests, and arms. “The scanning process will go a lot faster if we’re able to draw blood from you and use is as a sort of blue print to navigate your body. Is that okay?”

The boys looked at each other tentatively before all nodding in agreement. As Talyn got a few petri dishes and micro slides ready Joan had taken the spider from Logan’s backpack and transferred it into a small containment unit that was hooked up to the large motherboard computer. Thomas watched anxiously from the sideline as his friends scurried around to get everything ready.

“So, what are you gunna do to us?” Virgil asked nervously as Talyn carefully wiped down one of his fingers with rubbing alcohol.

“Well, we took a sample from the spider and scanning it right now to see what’s been mixed in to it,” Talyn explained as they took a clean syringe needle and pricked his finger with it dropping blood into the petri dish and micro slid before bandaging it up. It hadn’t even hurt. “Then we’re gunna use your DNA to see what’s been transformed as well as to easily scan your vitals.”

“Why are you doing that?” Patton asked as he watched them move on to Roman.

“Well for one, to make sure your mutation is stable,” Joan chimed in helpfully “and to also see what other abilities you guys may have. Keep in mind you guys may or may not have other abilities within you that will take a bit of time to, uh, activate.”

“What happens if our mutation isn’t stable?” Roman asked, rubbing his bandage finger.

The adults were quiet for a moment which of course did not sit well with the teens one bit. Talyn gently smiled at them, wrapping up Patton’s finger before finally moving on to Logan. “Don’t worry about it, it’s most likely not going to happen. You boys seem pretty stable from what we’ve observed.”

“That’s not ominous at all.” Virgil said sarcastically.

“Starting scan,” Joan announced once Talyn was finish getting their sample from Logan. They typed away quickly at the computer as a long beam of blue light scanned the quartet up and down and a light tingly sensation was felt where the suction cups were attached. The boys didn’t move once, much to fearful they might accidently mess up the scanning process, Virgil didn’t even want to breath.

Finally, after a few seconds, there was an audible beep and the blue lights shut off. Virgil, along with the other three, let out a loud sigh, shoulders still a bit tense but not as much as when the scanning was happening. Thomas quickly walked over towards them to make sure they were okay.

“You guys good?” He asked.

“We’re okie dokie,” Patton giggled nervously “just, uh, a bit frazzled.”

“I think I’m stuck to my chair.” Virgil admitted bashfully, his hands had been gripping the sides of the stool and Thomas could now see that he was physically trying to pull them off.

“Hey, hey, hey, you’re gunna hurt yourself,” Thomas cooed softly “just breath, in for four…hold for seven…out for eight. Good job, keep it up.”

Once he was able to calm Virgil down enough and get him unstuck, he looked to the others to make sure they were okay too. As Patton said earlier, he was a bit frazzled but ultimately okay, Roman was a bit jittery but seemed to be calming down as he followed Virgil’s breathing technique. Logan was just fine and was once again talking and asking a dozen questions about what just happened and how it worked and what did they find and etcetera, etcetera.

“Good news, your mutation is stable,” Joan announced and there was an obvious sigh of relief from both Thomas and the boys “we have found some interesting data though. This poor little spider has been spliced through hell and back. It’s practically a new species on it’s own, way different then the first generation that bit Thomas.”

“How so?” Logan asked, intrigued.

“Well, for one it has a few functions not typically normal for a spider,” Talyn said, looking through a few graphs on their tablet “it’s been extremely enhanced and mutated over and over again. Like if they were copying the same piece of paper again and again. It just all stacks up into this…it can barely be called a spider, I honestly don’t know what it is.”

“Well, it still looks like a creepy crawly spider to me.” Patton pouted.

“Looks are one thing, the function of it is another,” Joan said thoughtfully, pressing a few buttons and gesturing towards the containment unit the spider was in “watch this.”

The boys and Thomas looked towards the chamber and watched the spider scuttle around as the soft buzz of electricity filled its tank then it disappeared. Their eyes widened as they did a double take to make sure that really happened and the spider really wasn’t there anymore.

“Where’d it go?” Roman asked.

“It’s still there,” Joan said, typing once more and the tank was soon glossed over in Infrared light. There they saw the spider, still inside, scuttling around its tank as if nothing has changed. “Besides invisibility it seems to have other super abilities as well. We can’t for sure name all of them but I’ve got a few here listed out and ready for testing.”

“Sit back boys, Thomas move out of the way, please,” Talyn ordered gently “this’ll tingle a little.”

They typed something out on their tablet and the boys felt a slight tingle of electricity move throughout their bodies. It didn’t hurt and it didn’t last long so the boys were left confused as to what happened. Until they looked to Virgil.

“Virgil?” Logan called out, looking around the lab when he saw that his friend was no longer seated on the stool “Where’d you go?”

“I’m right here.” A disembodied voice said.

Patton screamed, jumping out of his chair and on to Roman’s lap, “There’s a ghost!”

“What?”

“V-Virgil, is that you?” Roman asked, holding Patton close.

“Yeah, what are you guys looking at?” The voice demanded.

“We aren’t looking at anything, we’re looking for you.” Logan said.

“But I’m right-” There was a sudden pause then a shriek of fear “I can’t see my-my hands or my feet or my anything!”

Thomas quickly turned to Joan and Talyn when he heard the panic rise in Virgil’s voice, “Whatever you did, stop it now!”

Talyn nodded, quickly typing on their tablet and another small tingle of electricity was sent out. Virgil reappeared slowly, arms hugging around his waist as he curled into himself and eyes squeezed shut. Thomas was by his side in an instant, gently coxing him back to reality, “Hey, its okay, you’re okay. Breath for me, please.”

Virgil took a breath and peeked out from one eye before looking down and sighing with relief when he was able to see himself again. He looked back up to Thomas with fearful eyes, “W-what was that?”

“I’m not sure,” Thomas admitted before looking over and firmly pining his two friends with a look “what did you guys do?”

They gave an apologetic smile as Joan leaped to explain what happened, “Well, we sent the same small electric pulse we used on the spider towards your brain to see if you would have the same effects. Obviously, it did and obviously we should have prepared you guys a bit more in advance. We’re sorry.”

“Yeah, that’s our bad.” Talyn added.

Thomas sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Guys, we talked about this, please give substantial warning BEFORE the experiment happens. Not everyone is super geniuses like you two and know exactly what’s going to happen.”

“I take it this has happened before?” Logan stated, having now gotten up to be by Virgil’s side, a hand placed gently on his friends back rubbing soothing circles.

“Yeah,” Thomas admitted “but usually it’s with me on the receiving end. I’m used to it by now but of course you guys aren’t so…” He gave his friends a pointed look “warning next time.”

“Next time?” Virgil squeaked.

“Oh, you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Thomas assured quickly “we can do this another day. I know today has been really stressful for you boys already so I understand if you guys want to go home already and get some rest.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Virgil said quickly “really, just…you know, a little freaked out. Might as well get it over with now so we won’t have to worry about it later.”

“Are you sure?” Logan asked, his hand still remained in contact with Virgil’s back.

“Don’t push yourself too hard,” Roman added “mental health is just as important as physical health you know.”

“Yeah kiddo, if it’s gunna be too much for you we rather just wait for a bit to cool down.” Patton said sweetly.

Virgil cheeks flushed a light pink, head ducking down so that his bangs cover his eyes, “I’m fine, really. Th-thanks for checking up though. But, like, what about you guys? How do you guys feel about all this…experimenting stuff?”

“Yeah, I want to make sure you boys are all comfortable with all of this,” Thomas said firmly “if anything crosses a line or you want to stop, tell us okay?”

“I’m good.” Roman nodded.

“I am as well.” Logan confirmed, sitting back down.

“Me too.” Patton chimed in as he climbed off of Roman’s lap.

“I’ll be fine.” Virgil murmured.

“Excellent,” Joan said excitingly turning back to the computer “the next set of tests will be of a similar fashion. We’ll send a wave of electronic pules to your brain’s nervous system and see if we can get a reaction.”

“Remember, if you guys get uncomfortable or need us to stop don’t be afraid to tell us, okay?” Talyn added.

With one last nod of confirmation Joan said, “Let us begin.”

---

“Roman can you sing a note for me?” Talyn asked.

Roman gave her a look of confusion, “You want me to sing? I mean, not that I won’t do it but why?”

“With this test we seem to only be getting a reaction from your brain so I want to see if the ability we’ve unlocked is active,” Talyn explained “but make sure to face the wall over there, please.”

“Uh, okay,” Roman said, shifting in his seat towards the directed area “can I ask what ability this is?”

“Sonic sound waves,” Joan said casually “we all might want to take a step back just in case.”

Thomas and the other three stepped behind Roman who in turn rolled his eyes before focusing on the task at hand. All he had to do was sing a note, but like what note? How high? How loud? How would this even work? Roman sighed, shrugged, and decided to just riff Ariel’s theme.

“Ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah!”

The room shook and shuttered like an earthquake. Everyone covered their ears from be beautiful yet ear piercingly loud tune that shook the entire building. The wall which Roman was facing when he sang had shook so violently there was a large crack that ripped down the middle of it.

Roman was quick to cover his mouth, eyes wide at the destruction he’s caused, “Oh dear…”

“Yeah, I think we should have that dormant for now until he learns how to control it.” Thomas suggested, trying to settle the ringing in his ear.

“We can’t exactly turn their powers on or off,” Joan explained “these are just electric pulses that activate their powers for them artificially. On their own we don’t know when these powers will pop up or how they’ll be able to activate them. It could take days, months, even years.”

“I just hope it doesn’t come out during the play this winter.” Roman moaned.

---

“This one is simple,” Joan said as they walked over towards a light switch on a wall “it shows that each of you have some variation of night vision, though I’m not sure how strong it is. I’m gunna turn off the light and you guys tell me what you see, okay?”

Four nods of agreement were seen and Joan finally flipped the switch. Nothing happened, well, at least for Logan. He looked around confused, was the light switch broken? Everything still looked the same to him.

“What do you see?” Talyn asked, they stared straight ahead at nothing and Logan wondered why that was.

“You still haven’t turned off the light.” Logan stated obviously.

Joan, who was also looking into the nothingness, pulled a face of confusion before breaking out into a large grin, “Logan, we just switched them off.”

“No, you haven’t,” Logan argued “I mean you used the light switch but they’re still….on.” He looked up to the florescent lights above him that were now dark and it suddenly dawned on him “I have night vision…”

“I think I do too,” Virgil piped up, squinting around the room “but when you turned off the light everything just kind of got dim.”

“Yeah, me too.” Patton chimed in.

“It all turned black and white for me,” Roman said “like, I can see everything fine but it’s all just shades of gray.”

“Excellent,” Joan smiled, flicking the light switch back on “it seems like Logan has the better night vision out of everyone. Roman’s vision is probably more what the spider would see normally and Patton and Virgil’s are about the same as Thomas.”

“Why do you think that is?” Logan asked curiously “We all got bit by the same spider so you would assume we would all be the same ability wise.”

“You’re all different,” Talyn said obviously “if you were the same person then maybe you’d have similar reactions but depending on your DNA your bodies will react to the venom differently. Plus, you did theorize that with each victim the spider used more and more venom so that can also be an important factor.”

Logan nodded thoughtfully, “I guess so.”

---

“We’re gunna do a quick test on just you Patton,” Talyn said as they tied a blindfold over Patton’s eyes “we’ve been picking up some strange brainwaves coming from you and we want to if we’re right.”

“Uh, okay,” Patton said tentatively, squirming in his seat “is it something bad?”

“No, no nothing bad,” Talyn assured “it’s just we’ve noticed that you seemed to be a very empathetic person and we want to see if that has been enhanced in anyway with your mutation.”

“Oh, well, what are we gunna do then?” Patton asked.

“Well, we’ve given everybody a note card of a certain feeling and they’re gunna try to emulate that feeling,” Joan explained as they passed out the note cards “your job is to guess what that feeling is.”

“How am I gunna do that?” Patton asked, head turning to try and track Joan’s voice.

“How ever you deem it necessary,” Joan said “I’ve known some people to sense thing through auras and given your ‘spidy sense’ that could be the case. But sometimes physical contact is needed to truly pick up what the other person is feeling.”

“Mmh, okay,” Patton said “but why the blindfold?”

“Eye contact and facial features can sometimes give away what a person’s feeling very easily,” Talyn chimed in “so this a ‘no cheating’ blindfold.”

“Oooh, sorry, I’m dumb.” Patton giggled.

“You are NOT dumb, Patton!” Roman said firmly, arms crossed stubbornly and glaring at his best friend even though Patton couldn’t see him.

Patton smiled passively, “Whatever you say, Ro.”

“I will punch you in the name of friendship!” Roman declared dramatically.

The group laughed at the two friends’ antics before quickly settling into silence as Joan lined them up in front of Patton with them going first. Patton fidgeted nervously as Joan stood in front him, he could tell someone was there but he just couldn’t read them properly. Shyly, Patton extended both his hands out, palms up, and Joan silently replied by carefully setting their own hands over his.

“I feel…curious,” Patton hummed “like, I have a lot of questions, well, they have a lot of question. I have questions too but that’s not me feeling question…wait can you feel question? Oh, it’s changing. They’re amused but also satisfied that they’re questions have been answered. Is that right?”

“Yes, it is.” Joan chuckled, letting go of Patton’s hands.

“Oh, Joan,” Patton said surprised “I didn’t know you’d be participating too. I don’t have to guess names, right? I don’t think I can do that.”

“No, just feelings.” They assured, stepping away and letting the next person go up.

Virgil carefully stepped up, looking down at his note card before stuffing it in his pocket. He just stood there a moment, staring down at Patton’s extended hands before carefully reaching out to grab them. Patton hummed curiously, soft warm hands squeezing Virgil’s gently.

“They’re kind of nervous,” Patton stated “they really don’t know what they should be doing right now. Aw, don’t be nervous, you’re doing great. Oh, they’re relaxing a little, that’s good. Glad I could lend a hand.”

Virgil snorted, Logan groaned in the background and everybody else chuckled. Patton giggled delightfully, “See, they think I’m funny! Did I do good?”

“Doing great Patton,” Joan assured “Next please.”

Virgil stepped out of the way for Thomas to move forward. The older man was hesitant at first but ultimately sighed, handing his note card off to Joan before grabbing hold of Patton’s hands. Immediately, Patton’s smiling face morphed into a melancholy frown, brow knitting together as if in immense pain.

“Oh they’re…i-it feels…sad,” Patton whimpered, voice cracked and watery “b-but it’s not a normal sad it’s like…like they lost someone precious to them.”

The others watch on with amazement and worry as tears began to stream down Patton’s face, “They’re in a lot of pain but…they also feel empty and cold. N-now they feel guilty, oh don’t feel guilty! I’m fine, really it’s just…can I give you a hug?”

Thomas looked down at Patton’s tear stained face, fear and guilt clawing at his chest for causing so much destress to such a sweet kid. Taking a breath to calm himself Thomas stepped forward and engulfed the teen in a big hug. Patton was quick to wrap his arms tightly around Thomas’s waist as if he was trying to physically mend all of Thomas is broken pieces back together. Warmth bloomed in Thomas’s chest at the sweet gesture and he couldn’t help but squeeze a little tighter and hold on a bit longer. The room was calm and quiet, no one wanting to disturb the gentle moment being had between the two.

“I know it’s hard but…I promise we’ll get through it eventually.” Patton murmured gently into his chest.

They final let go after a long while and Thomas sheepishly side stepped away while Patton wiped away the tears from under his blindfold. Roman was about to step forward but Talyn held him back to take his place, seeing that Roman’s note card also had an extreme emotion they figured Patton could use a bit of an emotional cool down. Gently, Talyn grabbed onto Patton’s hands, rubbing soothing circles over his fingers.

“They’re very clam,” Patton sniffed, taking in a breath then slowly letting it out “it’s gentle and nice, very soothing. Like, aloe being put over a burn mark…that’s weird analogy, I’m sorry.”

Talyn huffed out a laugh, “I think it’s suitable.”

“Oh, Talyn, you’re here too,” Patton smiled “did I get it right?”

“Mmh,” Talyn nodded before realizing Patton couldn’t see them “yeah, you did. We can stop now if you want, we have plenty of date.”

“No, I wanna finish,” Patton said determined “I’m fine to continue.”

“You sure?” Talyn asked carefully.

Patton nodded, “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay, next person.” Talyn stepped aside and let Roman take their place. Roman handed them his note card before firmly taking Patton’s hands in his. Patton pouted, his brow scrunched up in annoyance.

“I feel…angry,” Patton said “well, maybe not ‘angry’ angry but like…kind of annoyed, maybe a little more frustrated. Also, a tad bit worried. Geez, what’s got you so riled up?”

“Because my best friend thinks he’s dumb but he’s not and I love him very much!” Roman grumbled, stomping his foot childishly “Also you were crying earlier and I don’t like seeing you sad.”

“Aw, Ro-Ro,” Patton giggled, pulling Roman in for a hug “I love you too, sorry for making you worry.”

“It’s not your fault Peaches,” Roman murmured, burying his face into Patton’s hair “but to quote you: ‘if you keep talking bad about yourself, I will physically fight you!’”

The friends giggled, holding each other for a little while longer until Roman finally “forgave” Patton and moved out of the way for the last person. Logan fidgeted nervously, quite unlike his usual calm and cool self, frowning down at the note card in his hand, “Happy” it read. Logan was pretty sure that Virgil switched out their note cards if the smug face he had was anything to go by. He glared at his best friend before handing off the note card and stepping in front of Patton, who extended his hands readily.

Logan gulped nervously, no that was not the right emotion to be having right now. Happy, he had to be happy. Think happy thoughts…what kind of happy thoughts? His mother’s homed cooked Mansaf…his first telescope his brother got him on his 7th birthday…the first time his father took him to the aquarium and the jelly fish looked like stars…the time Virgil fell down the stairs…Logan huffed a small laugh on that last one.

Carefully, Logan lifted his hands and hovered them a few inches above Patton’s own. He gulped again, face red hot and all eyes (minus Patton’s) were on him, waiting. Why was he nervous? Why couldn’t he move? Why were his hands suddenly so sweaty? This was just an experiment, it was not big deal!

“Um, are you still there?” Patton asked, confused as to why it was taking so long.

“Give them a minute,” Joan said helpfully, but the knowing smirk on his and everybody else is face wasn’t helpful at all. At least not for Logan.

“Oh, okay, take your time.” Patton said soothingly, a soft smile painting his face. Patton always had a nice smile, it made everything feel lighter. Logan was quick to stop that train of thought and immediately dropped his hands onto Patton’s.

Patton hummed quietly, his hands were soft and warm, short and fat compared to Logan’s cold, clammy, spindly fingers. They were so different and yet they felt completely natural together. It was a completely absurd and illogical thought to say the least but it was a common thought process Logan had whenever he was around the bright sunshine of a human being known as Patton Foster.

Patton smiled, a pretty blush spreading across his cheeks, “It’s really warm and fluttery.”

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ Logan thought to himself ‘Abort mission! Abort mission!’

But he was frozen in place as Patton continued to explain, “Like a thousand butterflies in my stomach but I also want to throw up at the same time. Not in a bad way though. They’re a bit nervous too but also kind of excited. They’re in love!”

Logan choked on his own spit and he heard Virgil and Roman in the background quietly snickering to themselves. He threw them a glare to shut up before turning back to remove his hands but found that Patton still held them firmly in his own. Turns out he wasn’t done yet.

“They’re embarrassed now,” He said tentatively “was I not supposed to say that? Sorry, I got excited. You’re love is a very nice feeling and whoever that lucky person is to receive it I hope they know how wonderfully blessed they are.”

Logan was pretty sure his face was on fire now, he’s surprised that the smoke alarm hadn’t started beeping. Or maybe it has but he just couldn’t hear it over the beating of his own heart in his ears and Roman and Virgil’s annoying laughter. Logan cleared his throat, shaking his thoughts out of his head before carefully removing his hands from Patton’s gentle hold and rejoining the group.

“Did I get it right?” Patton asked.

“Uh, it wasn’t what was written on the note card but I think you still got it right,” Joan chuckled as they went to remove Patton’s blindfold as well as the suction cups on his head and neck “I think that’s enough testing for today. It’s getting late and you kids should probably start getting home.”

“Should we come back tomorrow?” Patton asked, blinking his eyes to adjust to the light.

“Only if you want to,” Thomas butted in before either Joan or Talyn could answer “and only if you guys are not busy. Remember, you still have school and a life to attend to.”

“Don’t remind me,” Roman whined “I still gotta finish my homework when I get home.”

“That’s ironic since we told our parents we were in a study group.” Logan said.

“What time is it anyway?” Virgil asked, stretching out his arms.

Talyn looked down at their watch, “’Bout to be eight thirty.”

“Eight thirty!” The boys exclaimed, panic rising in their eyes as they scrambled to pack their things.

“Aw, man my mom’s gunna kill for missing dinner!” Patton shrieked.

“You’re mom? Have you met my mom?” Roman voice cracked “She still thinks I’m sick and wanted me to stay home!”

“Thanks for everything Mr. Sanders, uh, we’ll come by tomorrow if we aren’t grounded.” Virgil said in a rush as they all raced up stairs.

“Pleasure meeting all of you!” Logan called out as he dashed out the basement door with his friends. The door slammed shut and there was a rumble of feet running across the hall before they heard the front door open and slam shut too.

“Nice kids.” Joan said after a moment of silence.

“Don’t get too attached to them,” Thomas warned as he walked over to the containment unit where the little spider was still scuttling around in “this all has to be taken seriously and professionally. These kids have no idea what going on to them or what they’ve just gotten themselves into so we have to there to guide them.”

“Mmh, are you telling us that or yourself?” Talyn smirked.

Thomas sputtered uselessly, “I-I…wh-what are you talking about?”

“Don’t think we don’t see how you interact with those kids,” Talyn chuckled “all maternal and such.”

“I’m not – it’s not…I don’t do that…” Thomas said meekly, but even he was starting to doubt that “I mean, they’re just kids and I know what it’s like going through what they’re going through. God knows I would have liked a bit of guidance. And they’re also younger then what I was when I first got my powers, we have to keep a careful eye on them.”

“I have a theory,” Joan announced dramatically “that by the end of the week they’ll have you wrapped around their little fingers.”

“Yeah right,” Thomas grumbled “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m not really ‘hip’ with the kids.”

“You’re right, I should give you the benefit of the doubt,” Joan said solemnly “one and a half weeks it is.”

Talyn and Joan laughed while Thomas groaned but it wasn’t because he was frustrated but because he knew Joan was probably right.

Tag:

@immortaldystopia @metaphoricalpluto2 @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @misunderstood-shadow @fairytailtwists @0callmevirge0 @blenderkit17 @galaxy-lilies-main @lumi-1 @paint-in-flames

[nobodyfamousposts]

In CoN (which I love you're amazing!!) what would it take for Felix to take back the Black Cat and use it himself? Would direct danger to Mari make him take up the mantle again?

It would take something heavy. Felix certainly wouldn’t want to wait until Marinette/Ladybug was in severe danger before acting, but he wouldn’t be able to act too soon either, especially with Fu involved now. In the first season, Felix was busy trying to find a suitable replacement and was hesitant to take the Ring at any point because it would mean he would have to use it until someone else could be found, which would just cause more confusion and problems for Ladybug with all the sudden changes and transitions.

Season two would have been enough time for Felix to find someone to take over, and also had some points where Felix would have taken it.

Volpina would be an instance that would make Felix confront Adrien in warning though not necessarily take the Ring. Volpina was suspicious. It was obvious she was suspicious. But rather than acknowledge ANY of these issues—how strange it was that “Volpina” appeared after the girl claiming to be descended from the hero was placed in emotional distress and thus open to manipulation by a super villain they KNOW targets people in distress and can make them into their idealized “selves”, how “convenient” her arrival as a “hero” was just in time to stop a meteor from out of nowhere AND for said super villain to make an appearance even though it’s been clear up until that point that wasn’t how he worked and he had no reason to, how strange it was that she would recognize immediately him despite him never making any public appearance, and the very fact that her first words to Paris as a whole was that she was the “ONLY hero Paris needs”—Chat chose to brush off Ladybug’s concerns and accuse her of being “jealous” because…why? WHY would he accuse her of being jealous? WHAT did she have to be jealous of? He would only throw out that line that she was jealous if he thought there was something for her to be jealous of. Was he actually suggesting that Volpina was better than her? He completely disregarded their regular team dynamic to follow the lead of a person he didn’t KNOW. He blew off any of the points of his partner who he was supposed to trust and followed after the new girl like a puppy. They would have lost the battle and their Miraculous if Ladybug hadn’t “proved” she was right—something she SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO DO.

Felix is not pleased about that. Even if he didn’t take the ring, he would NOT just let that go. “You didn’t trust your partner.” It would Adrien’s one warning.

As previously noted, Glaciator was one instance where he would have acted if not for Fu, given that Adrien was willingly putting the city at risk out of spite. Fu’s involvement prevented this, but Adrien is on thin ice because of it. If Frozer occurred as the show portrayed it, Felix definitely would have taken it then because despite the narrative pushing the portrayal of him being in the right, Adrien still let his personal feelings come before his duty and had specifically chosen to act out of spite. The fact that his actions turned out to be the “right thing” after all, didn’t matter, since he could have actually TALKED to Ladybug like a partner he’s supposed to be and come up with a plan together instead of running off on his own just so he could rush in and save her later.

Syren would have had Felix taking the Ring automatically. Flat out. No question. Forget Fu. Forget “giving him a chance”. Adrien had tried to blackmail his kwami and threatened to abandon Ladybug and the city while the city was flooded and people were DROWNING. Was it unfair that Ladybug knew things Adrien didn’t? Probably. But Felix doesn’t care. This is an issue that could be addressed at a time when Paris wasn’t in danger. And it was over Adrien demanding access to secrets he hadn’t proven himself trustworthy of. Demanding and threatening like a child is not a sign of being ready for anything, and Felix would act accordingly.

Despite any salt I have on the matter, Chameleon would NOT be enough to warrant Felix to take the Ring. But he would want to—oh, how he would WANT to. But he would wait and see how things go. Because if this causes Marinette pain? If Adrien doesn’t follow through with his assurances of support for her? Even if it’s just a matter of their lives as civilians, it’s still abandonment of someone he swore to help. It would hit too close to being like his own betrayal of Ladybug previously and he would act.

All in all, it would take any indication of a potential betrayal or abandonment for Felix to step in. Adrien defending Chloe in Despair Bear or Malediktator? Felix will glare but stay put. Adrien puts himself in danger? Felix will roll his eyes in annoyance and maybe step in to help but will leave the Ring alone. Adrien throws another hissy fit that could put Paris at risk? He will challenge Adrien for the Ring. Adrien going to side with Hawk Moth? Hell yes, Felix is taking that Ring then and there, and leveling the mansion while he’s at it.

[crazynekochan]

Do you think it's possible to have a Cinderella au for Soudam? Cast: Kazuichi as Cinderella His dad as ...well the jerk And Gundham as the prince The step mother could be enoshima The step sister's Tsumugi and Monaca I guess (All age adjusted accordingly maybe?) Hajime/Usami as the fairy god mother cause it's funny (Sonia works too) (I don't know about the little mouse friends so maybe Gundham would fit better as Cinderella but the rest of the casts is still the same)

Of course

I would go with this kind of plot:(Had to put it under a read more, since this got way longer than I expected…)

Kazuichi is the noble child that gets forced into labour by his own family. However his dad always forced him into it for as long as Kaz can remember and it only got worse when he father remarried, since now his stepfamily helped and his new stepsisters even got his heirloom of the estate and money, leaving him poor and stuck into unpaid labour for his abusersReasons for his dad being like this could be: 1) He gives Kaz the fault for his first wife being dead, like if she died in childbirth or something. 2) He disliked Kazuichi as a person and/or never wanted a child. 3) He is simply an alcoholic prick. 4) A mixture of two or more

Anyway of course Kazuichi ends up crying a lot because he can’t get out of that situation. While he doesn’t mind the commoner life, since he more or less was living it his whole life despite his status, he has no money and thus would end up starving on the streets if he ran away from his family

One day when he is again at the end of his rope, he sits alone in his room at night crying after his family left for some ball or something, he wasn’t sure and he didn’t really care as long as they were gone. Which is when suddenly a person appears (I will go with Sonia, since she is more fitting for what will happen) and after Kazuichi screams in fear at suddenly a person appearing out of thin air, she introduces herself as Sonia and his fairy godmother. It would probably happen that Kaz first doesn’t take her seriously, because he doesn’t believe in fairies, but she easily convinces him by using magic…on him…

Anyway after the second shock for Kazuichi within only 10 minutes, Sonia then tells him that she wants to help Kazuichi find happiness. First Kazuichi is sceptical, but since he literally had nothing to loose, he decides to take the jump and let her do whatever she was planning. So with a sweet smile she then pulls out four hamsters she “borrowed” and starts to chants a spell (which sounds highly ominous) and everything around Kazuichi starts glowing. However when the glowing ceases, the four hamsters were suddenly very confused looking human servants and Kazuichi is wearing a very fancy ballgown, has his hair styled up, is wearing makeup and most importantly is wearing very nice looking shoes, making him look very feminine. Which of course leads to him complaining what the hell this is supposed to be? How the hell is crossdressing going the help him find happiness?!

Sonia just sighs in annoyance and uses her magic to move Kazuichi outside where a very fancy carriage is waiting, where she forces him inside of. She tells him to just trust her and go with it, and that the spell will wear off at midnight so he has to return before that, before closing the door and sending the carriage off that is lead by the four servants

In the meantime prince Gundham is quite distressed since his precious pet hamsters are all missing and he can’t find them anywhere. That the whole royal court is bugging him that he has to attend the royal ball, since it was held so that he could find a wife, makes him even more stressed. The fact that he also sucks big time at social interaction and is awkward as hell, and most importantly gay as they can get, makes this whole ball even more awful for him

But in the end he doesn’t get any say in the matter, despite being the crown prince and was to be crowned as soon as he marries, and he gets dragged to the ball even if his insists on looking for the missing Devas

But now he is stuck at the ball, but he can’t even concentrate long enough to even look at any of the women who are all trying to get his attention

The 4 servants and former hamsters, drive the carriage to the castle, the last place Kazuichi expected to end up at, and it stops right before the main entrance to his horror. He tries to get the servants to quickly leave, but they don’t listen at all and before he can get away, a palace servant opens the door and now Kazuichi is scared that anyone might realise he is a guy and in a dress, which isn’t exactly the most well received thing in these days, no matter how good he looks in that ballgown. Smiling as sweetly as he can and trying to make his voice sound light, he tries to find an excuse to not come out, however the servant insists that “she” should join the ball, partly because she is stopping the other carriages. While he really doesn’t want to leave the carriage, he feels something (Sonia’s magic) pushing him out and now the servants are leading up to the castle and since he can’t make a scene as it would make everyone look at him, he has to simply follow their lead until he ends up in the middle of the royal ball.

First he would decide to just leave at the first chance, but then he notices the mouthwatering buffet and let’s be honest, he probably doesn’t get fed very well at home, so he decides that a few more minutes can’t hurt while he actually eats properly for the first time in a while. Sadly he is never lucky and the moment he leaves the proximity of the door, he sees his family in the crowd. If they see him and recognise him, he would be fucked big time!! So he quickly follows his instinct and dives into the crowd. To only walk right into Gundham who was still looking for his pets, right as the music for the dancing starts. Both standing there very awkwardly for a second, knowing very well that everyone is looking at them as that is the prince and they are literally standing the very middle of the dance floor, Gundham very awkwardly asks if Kazuichi wants to dance (partly because “she” isn’t that hard to look at for a “woman”), who just as awkwardly agrees, because they both just want to get out of that situation (and Kaz is probably the only one who doesn’t know that this is the prince and is very worried why everyone is suddenly looking at them)

They have this very romantic and magical dance with each other, which probably ends with Kaz tripping since he never learned how to dance and ending up in Gundham’s arms and with a now hurting ankle. Being a good guy, Gundham then quickly leaves the ball with Kaz for a bit, both ignoring the jealous onlookers, so that Gundham can have a look at the ankle just to make sure “she” didn’t sprain it. While sitting in a room very awkwardly, Gundham takes off Kazuichi’s slipper and examines the ankle. Since Kaz is very awkward at having a very handsome stranger holding his foot/leg, while they are alone in a room after a weirdly romantic dance, he tries to break the ice by having small talk.However coming up with topic for small talks was never Kaz’s strong point and so he asks if the other knows why everyone was constantly looking at them, low-key fearing that anyone might have caught on that he was a guy. However Gundham just sighs and explains that everyone always looks at him, especially when the prince was dancing with a woman.Sadly subtlety also was never Kazuichi’s strong point and he shouts out in shock “Wait, you’re the prince?!” without making his voice sound feminine, thus it sounds like the voice of a guy. Before he can even slap his hands before his mouth, Gundham stares at him with wide eyes as realisation hits him and he asks if the other was in fact male

Kazuichi however doesn’t answer in shock and instead just jumps up and sprints off, not caring about his hurting ankle and the fact that he didn’t put the shoe back on

Before Gundham can stop him or even ask for his name, Kazuichi is gone. But at least he had his answer. Now he only had to find him again

(Again, holy hell this is long. But I might write this at some point)

[thekoshertribble]

“Now you belong to all of us and we to you.” Women of Star Trek Entry #14 “This Side of Paradise” Leila Kalomi

Hi everyone! Yes, despite the fact that Tumblr is turning into a burning trash heap, I’m pressing on with my blog series regardless.

(As I said before, I’m not putting in any more screencaps because I don’t want to risk getting flagged.)

So today we’re going to talk about the episode “This Side of Paradise” and it’s featured female character, Leila Kalomi.

Leila is a young Earth woman who joins a brave group of human colonists who decide to settle an uninhabited planet and make a sort of agrarian society there. Leila’s specialty is botany so her knowledge is obviously essential to the mission. However, their chosen planet, called Omicron Ceti III, is constantly bombarded with radiation of its sun, killing any animal life on its surface within a few months. The Enterprise comes to Omicron Ceti III expecting all the colonists to be dead and their settlement deserted, but they discover the colony thriving and its people exceptionally healthy. Oh, and one more thing: Leila and Spock have a history.

Apparently she knew him while he was on Earth some years ago. It’s not clearly stated what kind of relationship they had, but it’s obvious that she had romantic feelings for him back then, just as she does now.

Their reunion is as awkward as you might expect. She comes into the room where Kirk and Spock are talking to the head colonist, Elias Sandoval. The soft lights and romantic music cues up as Spock and Leila meet eyes. Spock’s expression is quite neutral, no surprise there, while Leila just stands there smiling at him. In a slightly creepy way, I might add.

Then the camera cuts to Kirk looking really confused and that’s when I laugh so hard I spit out whatever I’m drinking.

Leila explains she’s met Spock before and that’s it’s been a long time since they’d seen each other. We learn more about their shared past when Sandoval and Leila have the room alone:

ELIAS: You've known the Vulcanian?

LEILA: On Earth, six years ago.

ELIAS: Did you love him?

LEILA: If I did, it was important only to myself.

ELIAS: How did he feel?

LEILA: Mister Spock's feelings were never expressed to me. It is said he has none to give.

ELIAS: Would you like him to stay with us now, to be as one of us?

LEILA: There is no choice, Elias. He will stay.

Oookay, that’s some creepy shit right there. It sounds like they’re going to kidnap Spock or something. And that’s kind of the general idea, actually.

Later, Leila finds Spock in a field of crops with his tricorder, trying to figure out how the colonists have survived. We get some further insight into her character through their conversation:

SPOCK: Nothing. Not even insects. Yet your plants grow, and you've survived exposure to Berthold rays.

LEILA: That can be explained.

SPOCK: Please do.

LEILA: Later. 

SPOCK: I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.

Uh, I don’t think that capacity is reserved to females, Spock.

LEILA: And I never understood you. Until now. There was always a place in here where no one could come. There was only the face you allow people to see. Only one side you'd allow them to know. 

Okay, you’re not wrong there, Leila, but that’s kind of his choice, y’know? And you may not know this, but Spock has shown more than one side of himself to Kirk others, just not to you, apparently. 

SPOCK: I would like to know how your people have managed to survive here.

LEILA: I missed you.

SPOCK: Logically, you should all be dead. 

Jesus, they’re both just talking right past each other, it’s hilarious. 

LEILA: If I tell you how we survived, will you try to understand how we feel about our life here? About each other?

SPOCK: Emotions are alien to me. I'm a scientist. 

I’m pretty sure I’ve used that line on men trying to hit on me.

LEILA: Someone else might believe that. Your shipmates, your Captain, but not me. Come.

And so Spock goes with her into the meadow, because science, I guess. Leila makes some rather bold assumptions in this conversation: 1) that she is the only person who understands Spock’s inner psyche, 2) that underneath his shields, Spock does possess a desire for her. Both of these assumptions seem a bit...far-fetched, don’t you think? Clearly, she doesn’t know Kirk and McCoy.

Now, I’m going to jump ahead and spoil this for you: the whole colony is actually alive because Leila discovered a parasitic plant whose spores inhabit an animal host and protect them from the radiation. It also puts the host in a constantly happy and content mood, which explains why the colonists seem like they’re buzzed on some narcotic all the time. I think this is an interesting concept, but it presents us with a problem: to what extent are Leila and the other colonists acting out of free will? We know from the above conversation that Leila wants Spock to get the spores, but is this the spores wanting a new host, or is this Leila wanting Spock to love her, or both? It’s never explained just how much influence the spores have over their host’s behaviors. It’s probably a mix of both. We don’t see Leila without the spores until her very last scene at the finale, so before then we can’t do a proper assessment of her character. When she leads Spock to the spores and gets him infected, is that a selfish act or the spores?

If she did it selfishly then I have a serious issue with her. Why the hell would you infect someone with alien spores without their consent? Yeah, I get that they’re protecting their hosts and shit but...you just shouldn’t do that! Especially someone like Spock, who has grown up in a culture of emotional control; to subject him to this kind of treatment just feels so wrong. We see that once the spores start taking over his mind, he’s writhing in pain on the ground. And Leila actually seems surprised by this:

LEILA: It shouldn't hurt.

SPOCK: No, I can't. Please, don't!

LEILA: Not like this. It didn't hurt us.

SPOCK: I am not like you.

Like, seriously, lady? You didn’t expect his mind to put up a fight?

Of course, this is all assuming Leila herself wants Spock to become infected because she figured it was the only way for him to love her. Like I said, the spores might have been responsible for all this, in which case she would be a passive player and innocent of the accusations in my rant. 

The spores eventually take over Spock’s mind and he embraces Leila, saying “I can love you.” Then they run off into the meadow to frolic, look at rainbows, and make out some more. An angry jealous Kirk finds them playing in a tree later on, and orders Spock to come with him back to the colony. Spock acquiesces, but not before exposing two more crew members to the spores. (Kirk somehow manages to avoid their fate.) 

After this Leila disappears from the screen for a while as we watch the rest of the Enterprise crew get taken over by the spores and mutiny. Kirk realizes that violent emotions like anger counteract the spores. He then provokes Spock to fight him, thus freeing him of the spores. Once the two of them succeed in freeing the rest of the crew, Spock has to confront Leila once more. He beams her up from the colony and meets her in the transporter room. She runs to him and hugs him, but she realizes immediately that something is wrong:

LEILA: You're no longer with us, are you? I felt something was wrong.

SPOCK: It was necessary.

LEILA: Come back to the planet with me. You can belong again. Come back with me, please.

SPOCK: I can't.

LEILA: I love you. I said that six years ago, and I can't seem to stop repeating myself. On Earth, you couldn't give anything of yourself. You couldn't even put your arms around me. We couldn't have anything together there. We couldn't have anything together anyplace else. We're happy here. (crying) I can't lose you now, Mister Spock. I can't.

SPOCK: I have a responsibility to this ship, to that man on the Bridge. I am what I am, Leila, and if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else's.

LEILA: I have lost you, haven't I? And not only you, I've lost all of it. The spores. I've lost them, too.

KIRK: The Captain discovered that strong emotions and needs destroy the spore influence.

LEILA: And this is for my good? Do you mind if I say I still love you? You never told me if you had another name, Mister Spock.

SPOCK: You couldn't pronounce it.

And that’s the last we see of Leila Kalomi. I give Spock credit for trying to let her down easily. You can tell he is sympathetic to her distress. (Compare this scene to the one in Amok Time where Spock confronts Nurse Chapel in his quarters - they’re somewhat similar). Leila’s feelings of loss cause her to loose the spores, which allows us a few moments to see Leila without their influence, although it tells us very little about her. 

All in all, Leila Kalomi is...well, not a favorite character of mine. If you like her, I’m sorry. Add some comments to give her a defense, if you’d like. I just find more problems with her character the more I think about her actions. I suppose it could be argued that Spock did like her back, and was happy with her (”for the first time in my life I was happy”) but I think it could be argued just as easily that that isn’t really the case. 

So what do you think of Leila? Leave a like or comment, and reblog if you enjoyed reading this. I’m sorry this one took so long but with Tumblr collapsing in on itself and the holidays it was harder to get this one done. Thanks for reading! Next up: The Devil in the Dark!

[lagtim3-archive]

On Pink Pearl Thus Far

I had to re-post this because tumblr is trash and if I include any hyperlinks this won’t show up in search at all. 🙃

(Note: I’ll be referring to ‘White Pearl’ and 'Rose Quartz’ by their original titles of 'Pink Pearl’ and 'Pink Diamond’, respectively.)

HOO BOY. I stumbled upon @ask-whitepearl-and-steven just a couple months ago and, just… wow! This is an absolutely amazing fanwork, I’m utterly floored and grateful that @thechekhov​ is willing to dedicate the time and effort it takes to make and share this story.

For those of you who haven’t read it, Ask White Pearl and Steven is, reduced to it’s most base description, an AU where Steven’s mother was White Diamond and Rose Quartz still leads the Crystal Gems.

You can read the comic in full at https://tapas.io/episode/1242681

You can follow the blog itself for more content at https://ask-whitepearl-and-steven.tumblr.com/

You can follow the creator’s blog at http://thechekhov.tumblr.com/

You can support the creator at https://www.patreon.com/TheChekhov

Why is it so great? WELL!

The characterization is well thought-out and well presented;

The style is true to the original but still definitely it’s own thing;

Colors are utilized sparingly, which makes it pop all the more when they’re there;

I definitely appreciate the fact that this version of Steven looks his age, and that this version of Steven is more prone to questioning the world around him, all due to his upbringing (or lack thereof);

It’s nice to see Connie and Steven still having a fantastic friendship under different circumstances;

And, of course, getting to see Steven and “Rose” interact is just 👌👌👌

Plus, the foreshadowing to the latest reveal was faaaaan-tastic! I won’t go into detail here, ‘cause if you’ve read it you know what I’m talking about, but… just keep in mind that the characters’ eyes changing color isn’t just a stylistic thing.

So, with the end of S2, I wanted to post some speculations! Specifically about Pink Pearl, what she’s been through so far, how deep the Bleaching goes, and how she might feel as of the latest update.

Warning, this is a doozy of a dissection / theorization post. Get a snack.

(Note: Any time I say ‘order’ or ‘command’ here, it’s in the context of ‘Pink Pearl’s bleaching causes her to consider this an order’, not ‘Steven is ordering Pink Pearl around.’ I wanted to clarify just in case.)

First off, Bleaching. What is it, even?

Well, ‘Bleaching’ is what I call the primary half of White Diamond’s power; the other half is ‘Replacement’. The latter requires the former to work. How the heck did I come to this conclusion?

For one, her direct quote on the matter, “There we are, I’ve removed their flaws! Now, there is nothing to hinder my white light from sparkling through them!”

This implies that Bleaching is the precursor step to Replacement, and that they are not the same thing even though they work in tandem.

And we can see this for ourselves; in the scene in The Head Ship where White Diamond blasts the Crystal Gems, their personalities aren’t immediately overwritten. The stay on the ground and struggle weakly for a moment while White Diamond continues to monologue.

I Bleaching is essentially re-organizing the internal structure of the Gemstone to get rid of structural impurities and neutralize any foreign-particle impurities that absorb light-waves. I can imagine that it’s very painful to have the very core of your being rearranged and ‘purified’. If they had been allowed to get back to their feet in this state, they still would have retained their personalities… but, they would have been compelled to follow White Diamond’s orders, direct and indirect, to a tee.

But, now that the Gems’ colors have been “fixed”, and now that White Diamond’s light can fully pass through them without being altered by impurities, White can progress to part two of her ability, Replacement. With a snap of her fingers, White Diamond’s light overrides her victims’ light, and, well… Gems are light. So now, they are White Diamond.

But… what happens to a Bleached and Replaced Gem when White Diamond is no more? If White Diamond were to be shattered, the Gemstone that powers the Bleaching/Replacement would be rendered inoperable, and the effect would cease, of course.

But, in this story, that’s not what happened. White Diamond the person is gone, but White Diamond the Gemstone remains. The Bleaching remains, but her “unhindered light”, the Replacement (more on that later,) is no more.

All that being said, I believe that this version of Pink Pearl is fully aware of her surroundings, and still retains her own individuality and personality while Bleached, although her ability to show it is severely hindered by the Bleaching.

Steven is currently under the impression that he’s been controlling Pink Pearl in a similar fashion to White Diamond. He thinks that he’s been projecting all his emotions onto her, and all her emotional reactions have merely been a reflection of what he desired to see.

It’s easy to assume this is correct, now that we know the white-pupil-glow means he’s issuing a command to Pink Pearl, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth! Early on, we have seen Pink Pearl emoting subtly via the sweat droplets she sometimes gets when Steven is displaying his ignorance of both his and her origins.

Here’s an example of her being obviously sad, when, if Steven were truly projecting his emotions onto her, she should be acting optimistic to alleviate his worry for her:

Later, we even see her with white pupils, emoting on her own:

It’s implied that, although she’s being ordered right now, her expression is her own and not reflective of Steven’s expression, since he had no reason to grimace until he deduced why Pink Pearl was grimacing.

Pink Pearl has also been shown, multiple times, to take (limited) initiative without being directly ordered to. The best example of this is during the Mystery Canyons scene.

When the Teal Gem Monster made her first appearance, Pink Pearl made a mad dash for the transporter, despite the fact that Steven was dead-set running away on foot. If he had truly been ‘talking to himself’ this whole time, she would have followed without question.

But, Steven wasn’t issuing any direct commands, so Pink Pearl was able to take initiative and find a better way out. She wasn’t able to activate the transporter on her own until indirectly commanded to, though.

During this scene, she was visibly distressed about the danger and confused that the platform wasn’t working for her (likely a limitation of her Bleaching, or possibly a limitation of whatever made her eye-crack.) Her pupils were grey, not white, so these were definitely her own feelings, not Steven’s.

Shortly after they arrived in the Pit, Pink Pearl did the Diamond sign in response to Steven’s question about who the Giant Ladies on the four murals are. She then took initiative to salute and bow to Steven. This could arguably have been Bleached into her, but I think she was trying to communicate to Steven about his origins, given that his eyes were normal-colored.

We even get to see some of this in the way she echoes Steven:

If Pink Pearl was mindlessly providing the information requested of her, or heck, even if she disliked Steven, she would have simply said 'I don’t sleep’. However, she can tell that her inability to sleep is causing Steven distress, so she says, 'I’m sorry, I don’t sleep.’

Finally, when it comes to orders and commands, Pink Pearl’s perception overrides Steven’s intent.

Pink Pearl has been a servant to White Diamond for thousands of years. She is very sensitive when it comes to being ordered around; most orders are not direct. Much of it is subtle, ex., if White Diamond were to walk up to a door and Pink Pearl did not open it for her, that would be violating a command, even though no command was spoken, because of Pink Pearl’s position of servitude.

The white-pupils are a two way street; they originate from Steven when he, for instance, asks a question that he expects some for of answer to. They originate from Pink Pearl whenever she interprets something as a command.

We can see an example of this here:

Steven has been trying to figure out Pink Pearl’s name. Pink Pearl perceives this as an order to tell him her name, which she can’t do. This sticks with her as an unresolved command.

In this scene, Pink Pearl’s eyes are normal until she realizes she can use the sign to communicate with Steven. Then they become white, because the unresolved command kicks in. Steven, meanwhile, has been looking at clothes, but his eyes still turn white even though he’s not initiating interaction with Pink Pearl.

All of this, is the effect of Bleaching.

But what of Replacement? Well, that’s not just a White Diamond thing…

Steven can do it too, in his sleep. Steven is not made of light, so it stands to reason that projecting his consciousness is the closest he can come to emulating White Diamond’s Replacement ability. He can only do this with Bleached Gems, and there’s only one Bleached Gem we know of.

So, the following is established:

Pink Pearl must follow anything she perceives as a command, direct or indirect, that come from the owner of White Diamond’s Gem.

Pink Pearl is unable to say her own words; she must repeat those recently said by Steven, in his own voice.

Pink Pearl can pick and choose what words to say, as long as she fulfills perceived commands in the process.

Pink Pearl can take initiative, as long as she is doing it in that name of a perceived directive.

Pink Pearl’s personality is no longer being Replaced with White Diamond’s, or Steven’s, for that matter (when he’s awake and not unconsciously doing it.)

Steven kinda played himself here. “Please, tell me it’s not true!” is a direct command to do just that. However, it is also partially true that he’s not “just controlling [her] like that,” because he’s not the one that Bleached her, he only ever took control of her body to guide them back together, he obviously never intended to force her to do anything, and it’s her ingrained sense of what a servant is expected to do that keeps triggering the Bleaching-forced-compliance effect. Plus, she still retains her sense of self and a limited ability to assert it.

From what I’ve observed, Pink Pearl is not stupid. She realizes, at this point in time if not earlier, that Steven and White Diamond are wholly different beings, even if she’s doesn’t know the 'how’ or 'why’ of it (does she??). After interacting with Steven for a few weeks, Pink Pearl probably also realized that Steven was wholly unaware of the control he was exerting over her. Any doubts she might have had would have definitely been quashed when Steven started to have a meltdown over the revelation.

All of this is probably what’s going through her mind as she says this, so she doesn’t immediately realize that she just confirmed Steven’s worst fear.

And then it hits, and she realizes precisely what was wrong with her response. No white pupils here, those tears are inarguably her own.

Suddenly, Steven accidentally manages to give her back the ability to act of her own accord, before he passes out from the stress and/or the effort he exerted partially reversing the Bleaching his mother did.

And what’s Pink Pearl’s first response? After a brief moment of ‘what the frack just happened’, she scoops up Steven and carries him to his father. Which implies that she already knew where he lived, and that as soon as she got Steven’s “Beach City’ message, she knew she needed to find a way to get them back together.

So, where does this leave us?

Well, in canon, it’s been shown that Replaced Gems don’t remember what happened while they were being Replaced. This both means that Pink Pearl blacks out when Steven takes her over, and that she does not remember anything that happened while she was Replaced by White Diamond.

From way before the War, to the beginning of Era 3, is all a blank to her. It remains to be seen if White Diamond rescinded her Replacement at any point while on Earth / head-preggo with Steven, and/or if she told Pink Pearl anything about the War for Earth.

Possibility One:

White Diamond knew that Pink Diamond was posing as a Rose Quartz. She imparted this information to Pink Pearl before she passed.

Pink Pearl may justifiably feel that Pink Diamond abandoned her. There’s many reasons why Pink Diamond could not go back for her and keep the War going, but all that would not initially matter to Pink Pearl in the face of her Diamond leaving her to a fate of being puppeteered.

Pink Pearl should also be able to extrapolate that Pink Diamond has no way of knowing or even conceptualizing that 'White Diamond’ no longer exists. Without any way to communicate this, any attempts to defend Steven will be interpreted as her Bleaching forcing her to keep her abuser safe from potential liberation.

Possibility Two:

White Diamond had no idea that Pink Diamond was posing as a Rose Quartz; or, she did, and did not impart this information to Pink Pearl before she passed.

Pink Pearl and Pink Diamond’s relationship has been shown to be more of a best-friendship than the master/servant relationship it was intended to be, so Pink Pearl likely holds Pink Diamond on a very high pedestal for her kindness. She probably feels the same way about Steven, at this point.

So, from her perspective, Rose has broken the kindest of the Diamonds, and attempted to hurt the equally kind son of her former abusive master. Rose may say she can 'help’, now, but Pink Pearl knows Steven doesn’t want to hurt her or rule over her, so she may very well reject any help Rose has to offer in favor of letting Steven figure out his powers and finish freeing her on his own.

Either Way!

Pink Pearl may be avoiding Greg for whatever reason, but I doubt she’ll ever be far from Steven, considering that Rose Quartz and the Crystal Gems pose a very serious threat to his continued existence. If worst comes to worst and Steven is killed, it’d be reasonable for Pink Pearl to fear the return of White Diamond.

~THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK~