#that came pre-installed on my laptop

[disdaidal]

I reinstalled Windows on my laptop and it feels good to start anew.

Just so I can again fill it up with unnecessary junk again and then cry myself to sleep every night lol.

I also removed lots of bloatware and I actually have a sufficient amount of space on my OS (C: drive), which is fucking great because I now can finally play the Sims 4 again. 😭

[arolesbianism]

So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my day trying to learn how to look into onis code and while I may not have yet succeeded I will likely keep fucking around with shit tomorrow and if I manage to succeed it'll spell great doom for my sanity as oni becomes the interest I've officially poured the most effort into analyzing

[honktraband01]

GRRRGRGGR BRAINROT GOT TO MEEEEEE

Macaque as he appears in @kyri45's ShadowPeach comic!!! (plus a few personal HCs)

........not great quality bcs I sketched n drew it on the app that came pre-installed on my laptop..... and I don't draw on my laptop lol.

[balkanradfem]

So I wrote about my fun with fall chores, but left out another important aspect of my life; losing my mind without laptop or internet. Even though I'm usually not online a lot, I would at least have all my nancy drew games, stardew valley, and a whole lot of podcasts and audiobooks to listen to at my disposal. Now, nothing.

I had a song stuck in my head and couldn't listen to it. It was devastating. Then I remembered, my ancient little phone actually could function as a radio, if I put headphones in. And the song I wanted, sometimes played on the radio. So off I went to listen to the radio!

Radio music is awful and horrible. I fail to understand how anyone can listen to so many aggressively heterosexual songs. I was dying by the time Chappell Roan came on. At one point, I kid you not, Blurred lines played! I yelled and shut down the radio and then continued yelling. In 2024???

It took me a day to realize that my phone actually had a record button. Which meant I could record music and then just have it permanently saved on it. I was both delighted and hit with nostalgia. I haven't pirated a song by recording it from the radio in 20 years. I remember doing it on my cassette player as a kid! And now my phone had the pre-installed ancient piracy tool. They used to make such good stuff.

I had to listen to radio for 2 days to get my two lesbian songs and to finally get the song stuck in my head (it was Too Sweet. I'm basic shut up). I made a playlist and called it gay and was finally free from the radio. Even though wanting to listen to a song and then waiting for 2 days for it to come on on the radio is such a pre-internet struggle, the joy when it finally came on was incredible. I was squealing jumping woooing laughing. It was almost like a quest in a video game; the more effort it takes, the stronger the satisfaction. 

I realized how isolated and small I felt without the internet, just listening to the radio. Every person I know here is heterosexual, and I found myself cut off from community, it became difficult to feel normal. Listening to a lesbian song on the radio was all I had; I knew other gay people were listening, it was a joint activity. I wasn't all alone.

I sometimes wonder if the straight people are hearing it and if they understand what its about. I remember when 'Take me to church' played in the car, I would scan everyone's faces carefully, to see if they understood, if they agreed, if they knew that was anti homophobia playing on the radio. But there was never a reaction. I would then remember that most people here don't speak english, and even if they understood a few words, they don't bother to understand a song from the radio. It's fully possible they're listening 'Hot to go' imagining its a heterosexual song, regardless of how funny that is. Imagine a woman writing a song to get a guy to sleep with her. In what world. 

Looking back, most of my internet endeavors were about finding gay stuff online, first it was gay anime, then fanfiction, and then I got drawn to tumblr in the era where gayness was celebrated and strongly encouraged. I felt safe here! And that was all before I even knew I was a lesbian. And now I wonder, is it endlessly painful and unsurvivable to be a lone gay person without any community? If I waited two days next to a radio to get a gay song, if I used any access to information just to find the writings and media made by gay people, it must be vital like the air to me. When I'm here I feel normal only because I'm exposed to the thoughts and feelings of other gay people, and I know you're reading mine. Without you I'd be lost.

[limeadeislife]

I guess this is kind of obvious and not really worth pointing out to my more techy followers, but I'm just thinking about how Microsoft, Apple, and Google have a lot of competing duplicates of similar basic apps (browser, cloud storage, documents, calendar, maps, etc.) that come pre-installed on their respective devices and sync your data with the other apps by the same company.

I guess each of them wants to be your Main Tech Company, where you do all your stuff through them, and all your stuff is saved in one convenient account.

Is it common for people to actually do things this way? I guess one limitation is that Microsoft doesn't make phones, and Google doesn't make full-service laptops.

My stuff is just kind of a hodgepodge of what I started using naturally. I have an iPhone and a Windows laptop. Most of my files are in OneDrive, because my laptop uploads them automatically, but I also have some other random things in Google Drive. I use Apple Notes because I often need or want to write some quick note to myself when I'm outside with just my phone, and that's what came with my phone. It also syncs super quickly which is helpful. I've had a Gmail account since I was 14, and I use Google Calendar and Google Maps.

[dotslashchloe]

I remember running a terrible Zoostorm laptop when I was 12 and It had 1GB of RAM in a time when machines came with at least 2 as a standard option, and some people believed that you'd never need more than 4GB for anything.

Image source

My parents bought me this thing because I had caused a little bit of an issue in our house, and that was my constant need for floppy disks post year 2000. We ran an Amiga 1200 in the dining room of our home as it was what my parents both used to code on in the mid 90's. We had tons of software for that thing but the coolest by far was a programming environment called AMOS. It used a proprietary (read: now unsupported) programming language called AMOS BASIC and the only resources we had for the language was whatever my dad remembered and the official language guide which, if i remember correctly, was thick enough to beat a goat to death with.

Image credit

The guide was sometimes really good at explaining language features and best use cases for mid 90's game development methodologies.

You can actually still download AMOS and run it on a Windows machine, or OSX and GNU/Linux if you have the tools to run applications meant for windows.

I moved from an Amiga sporting 2MB of chip RAM and 8MB of fast RAM to a Windows 7 laptop with a whopping, for the time, Gigabyte of Random Access Memory.

I couldn't wait to see the types of software that I could make with 32 bit technology and how I could use new... Oh, it crashed.

Image credit

Windows 7, at least on my machine, was a garbage fire. Somewhere along the way when we transitioned from floppy disks to hard drives and hard drives to solid state, programmers suddenly forgot how to make good decisions. The amount of driver errors, lag spikes, and crashes I experienced on that platform made me hate Windows, and even to this day, I really don't trust it.

I once turned my laptop on to find Windows using 90% of my available RAM, and it wasn't even running anything.

This frustration led me to look further afield. I knew that I liked the UNIX like systems from helping my dad run a FreeBSD server, and because of that, I very nearly bought a mac. Nearly. I still like to have a usable computer and do things that Apple don't want me to do, like change my settings in a way that matters.

Image credits

I finally found out enough to flash Arch to my USB drive and install it using a guide i found on a reddit thread. after editing all of my settings, i pressed enter, sat back... And bricked the fucking thing. Archinstall was a blessing from the gods, but we didn't have that yet.

2nd choice was Debian. Not only was it pre-configured out of the box, it had a package manager that made sense and came with development tools already built in. I played around with a few other distributions over the years until i discovered that they're all either Debian or Arch with a different package manager and desktop environment.

GNU/Linux blew my mind. The fact that all of this software was just out there for free fort anybody to use and change astounded me, and it still does to this day. You need to run a piece of hardware that nobody has made a driver for in about 20 years? Debian probably has it built in. You want to make video games? Debian can do that flawlessly. You want to play video games? Steam installs natively and comes with Proton!

By the time I was ready to go to College at 16, I was using Linux full time, and Archinstall had been added to the installation ISO (thank god). I used arch for all of my studies there, and all of my studies at University. I passed my degree because my software was free. I even had a C# compiling and running for my Programming 101 classes.

I do occasionally run Windows at some point from time to time, but i always make sure that WSL is installed. I do not see the need to download a piece of software to do something when Debian has the command built-in.

If it were not for the FOSS community, and GNU/Linux as a whole, I probably would not be the programmer that I am today, and I wouldn't have been able to learn many of the complex topics I needed for the field I have worked in due to the closed, corporate nature of the vast majority of software out there.

Sorry for yapping.

[pokemon-npcs]

How do you screenshot your hgss game? Sorry, I know you must get this question a lot, but I recently restarted my hg save and I've been trying to figure out how to take screenshots :)

Hi! Sorry for the late reply (my laptop is currently broken and posting on Tumblr mobile is always more annoying to me). And I’m also sorry because I’m afraid that I can’t really help you there :/ Any actual screenshots on this blog from pre-Switch era games have either been grabbed from YouTube videos or screenshot while I was playing a game on an emulator. The rest are just photos taken of my GBC/GBA/DS/3DS screen that I’ve then tried to edit to look a bit better.

I think there are - or at least used to be - legitimate ways to take screenshots of your 3DS (something involving the Miiverse), but as I understand it it’s notoriously complicated.

But there are definitely ways to hack your 3DS to install a program that allows you to take screenshots out there. And ways to link your game to a computer, as I remember seeing pretty crisp Let’s Plays of X/Y when it first came out. And I know that there are people who stream content from their 3DS. I’m not very knowledgeable about all that jazz, though, sorry :(

Here appears to be a guide on how to stream your 3DS screen to a computer.

(Ngl, I haven’t watched this video all the way through nor tried it myself, but the comments seem favourable)

[alex-guerin]

My question is...

What else can I disable/get rid of that takes up unnecessary disc space on my laptop that came pre-installed on it??

windows 10 is garbage so every time i boot up the computer i have to run command prompt and enter

net.exe stop “Windows Search”

so that the shitty goddamned search/cortana feature that i never fucking use stops running in the background taking up all my fucking disk space

[mnzmysticechoes]

Replacing My Laptop? The ProTabletX Surprise...

For years, my trusty laptop had been my lifeline to work and entertainment. But lately, it's been showing its age – slow, bulky, and with a battery life that barely lasts a coffee break. I started considering a replacement, but the thought of lugging around another heavy laptop wasn't appealing. Then, I came across the ProTabletX - An All Around Tablet For Entertainment And Work.

The Quest for the Perfect Device

I wanted a device that could seamlessly blend productivity with entertainment. A sleek tablet seemed like a good option, but I worried it wouldn't be powerful enough for work tasks. Many tablets lacked the processing power or software compatibility I needed for video editing and design programs. 2-in-1 laptops seemed like a compromise, but they often felt clunky and expensive.

Discovering the ProTabletX

The ProTabletX promised the best of both worlds: a powerful tablet that could handle demanding applications while remaining light and portable. The advertised specs were impressive – a high-resolution display, a powerful processor, and a long-lasting battery. The reviews emphasised its versatility, praising its ability to excel at work and entertainment tasks. Intrigued, I decided to take the plunge.

A Premium Look and Feel

The ProTabletX arrived beautifully packaged, exuding a sense of quality from the get-go. The tablet itself was surprisingly thin and light, yet felt incredibly sturdy. The sleek metal design looked polished and professional. The display was stunning – vibrant colours, crisp details, and a perfect size for both work and watching videos.

Powerhouse Performance

Setting up the ProTabletX was a breeze. The operating system was intuitive and familiar, and the pre-installed apps covered my basic needs. The real test came when I started using it for work. To my delight, the ProTabletX handled everything I threw at it with ease. Video editing software ran smoothly, design programs responded quickly, and multitasking was a breeze. Gone were the days of lagging laptops and overheating fans.

Entertainment on the Go

Beyond its work capabilities, the ProTabletX truly shines as an entertainment device. The immersive display brought movies and shows to life, while the powerful speakers delivered rich, clear sound. Downloading games and streaming apps was a breeze, and the long battery life ensured I could binge-watch my favourite shows on long journeys. The tablet also came with a stylus pen, which proved surprisingly handy for note-taking and casual sketching.

A Perfect Blend

The ProTabletX has become my go-to device for everything. It's powerful enough to handle my workday demands, yet light and portable enough to be my entertainment companion on the go. The battery life is excellent, and the overall design is sleek and professional.

Would I Recommend It?

Absolutely! If you're looking for a versatile device that excels at both work and entertainment, then the ProTabletX is an excellent choice. It's powerful, portable, and packed with features. While everyone's needs differ, it has transformed the way I work and unwind. Before making a decision, consider what features are most important to you, but for me, the ProTabletX has been a game-changer.

[transienturl]

random m1 macbook things:

you can make the menu bar continue to display itself in the free area beside the notch when you fullscreen content. it's both incredibly convenient (now you have access to control center and every menu bar app ever) and sort of immersion-breaking. well that can be good too; maybe seeing the time reminds you to stop watching youtube and go do something you're supposed to be doing.

be careful not to pinch yourself in the hinge if you like to hold your laptop with your hand there, that thing is sharp

it trackpad too big for it got damn keyboard. if you j/k scroll, the side of your palm may be on the trackpad, but just barely, which presumably makes brushing motions that the palm rejection thinks might be intentional, which can interrupt scroll actions.

mini LED is not a panacea; as with all displays that use full array local dimming, anything small and white on a black background will have obvious haloing, and if the thing moves (mouse cursor on anything black; white UI elements) you'll notice where the actual LEDs are. fullscreen a discord call with the other user's video in portrait and you'll see what I mean. I would actually really like a mode that turns off the FALD or only turns it on when it detects HDR content; it's not like it helps with contrast on things like text. (honestly, being Apple, they could totally detect which regions of the screen are video and only activate local dimming in them. that would be super cool.) honestly, I think this display is interesting to compare to the roughly-similar panels Apple has been using ever since the 2012 rMBP (well, since the iPhone 4 really), insofar as it actually feels less refined. Apple does a great job hiding all of the complexity of a modern high-end display, something that the Windows PC ecosystem does not even attempt let alone succeed at, but the weird edge cases still shine through. I wonder how many years until the first OLED Macbook Pro.

I always thought universal binaries (x86 and arm code in the same .app file) were silly and a waste of disk space, but the one time you care is when you run migration assistant between an x86 mac and an apple silicon mac; since Edge for example uses separate packages, it becomes unopenable once moved to the device that it's the wrong package for. downloading the right one and replacing it does work, it seems, and in the case of Edge you do keep your data (although when I had to do the same thing for Ungoogled Chromium it lost the actual browser settings; the user data like history and open tabs came over fine though).

the ability to charge from the right side can be very nice. it'll be limited to 100w if you have a 5A-certified USB-C cable (they have a chip inside), otherwise it'll be limited to 60w. totally fine still unless you have a drained battery or are doing some soft of intense graphics workload. the fact that my chintzy little cable that's supposed to be for an android phone can charge a laptop at a reasonable clip feels kind of weird.

I have said my piece about this IRL but the fact that you can plug in/out external monitors and change the scaling of your display and it's just instant is so, chef's kiss

I have Macs Fan Control installed to see when the fans spin up. they have been at 0 RPM ever since I got the laptop

honestly the speakers could use less bass, at least when you aren't using the laptop on a table. it sounds a little hollow; I bet the apple audio engineers did most of their optimization with the user seated at a desk, not half-upside-down in bed or whatever. I guess stereotypically that would be the userbase for the rumored soon-upcoming 15" M2 Macbook Air, not the rather workstation-y pro models. (see also: my comment about the hinge.)

it's definitely not the same keyboard; the press action on these is sharper and louder than the pre-butterfly ones. feels nice but I wish it was quieter.

also, not specific to the mac, but automatic wireless shared clipboard that includes copied files is absolutely nuts. also the fact that migration assistant grabs stuff like the history of my terminal windows is just. yeah you don't get stuff like this on windows

(except window arranging. and like 3-4 other things that microsoft does correctly and apple utterly neglects for no apparent reason. but, you know, besides those.)

(also the new macos settings panel that they stole off the ipad is so buggy it counts as a legitimate achievement lmao. good job)

[ahmeddawn]

How to Install an eSIM On Your Windows Laptop

How to Use an eSIM to Get Cellular Data Connection On Laptop Computers

I just bought my Surface Go 3 LTE laptop/tablet and one of its best features is the ability to use a physical SIM or eSIM to connect to cellular network and provide Internet. This feature is a life saver when you travel and especially if you are a content creator.

What I noticed in many countries is that the hotel WiFi was so slow, it was unusable except for checking email and light browsing. I was pulling my hair out using it, as I was getting behind updating my YouTube and I was unable to do any work.

An LTE laptop is capable of using a local SIM in your destination country or you can even install an eSIM before leaving for the trip in your own country. Installing an eSIM provides you Internet access right away when you land and you don’t need to search for a local SIM card. The disadvantage of this is an eSIM is always more expensive than the local SIM.

Installing an eSIM or physical SIM is not difficult at all. Search on your 4G or 5G LTE laptop and go to Cellular Settings to setup your eSIM or SIM.

There are many eSIM providers. Your laptop might even have some pre-installed by Microsoft, but I noticed their rates are horrible. The one I use is called Airalo (I am not affiliated) and I have used and tested them in several countries and it always worked for me and it is also by far the cheapest provider I came across. Regardless of which provider you go with, always do your research first for an eSIM for your destination country.

I have a video showing the full step-by-step eSIM installation process on a Windows Laptop here.

[sl8bqqa8]

Is it bad that I actually find this really appealing

Texture pack that turns minecraft into an obscure game I used to play that came pre-installed on my mom's laptop and was forgotten by history but lives on in my nostalgia

Literally predicted the minecraft movie

[garlic8reath]

Me: I have my desktop organized in a way that’s aesthetically pleasing and sensical to me.

Windows: What if I just moved your shit all over the place, out of the blue, while you’re looking elsewhere?

[fenoderee]

Shinya [Drums] Interview

Our fourth solo interview is with Shinya, who is the foundation of the band. Shinya has been focusing on simple phrasing and groove in recent years, so how did he approach his latest album "Oboro"?

Basically I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind and I don't worry about it.

-It seems that the songwriting process started very early on, but did you have the new album in mind from the beginning?

Shinya: That's right. I've been working on the songs for the new album. So we decided to release a single, and we talked about which of our existing songs we should release as a single, and "Oboro" was chosen.

-In your case, I personally feel that you've always written songs with a lot of energy or beauty. When you were thinking about the album, what kind of ideas and images did you have in your mind in the early stages of composition?

Shinya:I didn't really think about it before I wrote the song, I just started writing it, and as a result, I couldn't write anything but intense stuff.

-When you say "intense," do you mean songs with a fast BPM?

Shinya: That's right.

-There are several ways to compose a song, how did you do it this time?

Shinya: Recently, I've been using a plug-in guitar instrument that I really like. It has a lot of heavy sounds in it, so I just play it and think about what I want to do.

-What kind of composition system do you currently have at home? It is known to your fans that you are an Apple fanatic, and you seem to be changing to the latest version every year. Do you use the same kind of system for your compositions?

Shinya: It's the other way around, I'm very minimalistic now. I only use one laptop for composing.

-Do you want to install all your DTM software on the computer?

Shinya: That's right. I don't play guitar anymore when I write songs, so I've removed the audio interface. It's a very compact period.

-At the time of this writing, you are touring the country with the "Meguro Rokumeikan Gig", but if you take that computer with you, you can compose music in your dressing room?

Shinya: If I wanted to, I could, but I don't think I will (laughs).

-Did it change the way you came up with the ideas and the process of shaping the songs?

Shinya: That's right. When I used to compose, I used to play my guitar at home and write riffs by myself. But now I don't have a guitar and I'm working on it, so I think the guitar phrases I make have changed.

-So the intense songs you wrote were not chosen for the single, but do you have any plans to make it into the album?

Shinya: The song wasn't selected when it was written, so it was probably rejected (laughs).

-That's not something to say while laughing (laughs). By the way, Shinya, you're the type of person who actively goes to see other people's live performances. I think the main reason is because it's your favorite band or artist, but I also think that seeing a live performance can stimulate you in terms of calligraphy and creative therapy. Now that I have become a member of Corona, I can no longer go to live concerts, and DIR EN GREY has almost completely stopped performing. What do you do for musical input in such a situation?

Shinya: Hmmm... I don't think so at the moment (laughs). Especially when it comes to music.

-Do you ever go through various albums and videos by yourself?

Shinya: No, I don't. I just use what I have inside me right now.

-Shinya's musical tastes are well known to his fans, but is there anything new that has resonated with you during this composing process?

Shinya: Hmmm... I haven't explored anything new in the other solutions.

-Did you go back to your roots and what you like?

Shinya: No, I didn't think about that too much, I just made the songs naturally.

-How did you spend your time at stay home, as a musician and as an individual?

Shinya: I was doing nothing but editing videos (laughs). That's why I was spending most of my time on my YouTube channel.

-I've been watching it for a while now, and I'm also a subscriber to the channel, so please answer me politely (laughs).

Shinya: Oh, thank you very much (laughs).

-Of course it's fun to do, but is there anything exciting about it?

Shinya: When I was working on it, I thought that it was very similar to songwriting. You can keep working on it, and it never ends.

-If you want to be particular, you can go all the way.

That's right, even for a single video, there are endless things you can do.

-The timing of inserting a subtitle, the choice of font, etc.

Shinya: Yes, yes (laughs). Once you start paying attention to the details, there's really no end to it. It's similar to songwriting..

-Is Shinya the type of person who spends a lot of time focusing on various aspects of a song, even when he's writing it individually?

Shinya : With DIR EN GREY, I always bring the original songs to the studio before I've finished them. I know that as the members' ideas come in, it will definitely change from the shape I've created. That's why I don't go into too much detail (laughs), I only make it to a certain point because it's going to change anyway. I try to make it so that the members can understand the side of the song.

-You said that when you select songs in the band, you don't know who wrote which song. Do you ever get feedback from the band members afterwards?

Shinya: I was asked afterwards about the songs I wrote this time. "That's Shinya's song." Then, he said, "Oh, I liked it."

-So you've had that conversation? If you listen to the demo, do you know who made it?

Shinya: Yes, you're right. Yes, I don't have a definitive answer, but I can vaguely tell.

-Although it wasn't adopted, it's nice to be told that it's your favourite song.

Shinya: Well...yes, but the song selection is a majority decision.

-There are always multiple layers to a song, but each time you're inspired to write a new song from a different angle?

Shinya: No, I don't have any particular plans at the moment, since I'm in the middle of an explosive screening (laughs ). Once the songwriting starts again, I'm sure I'll be motivated like you said. I still have my computer with me, but I'm not writing songs, I'm collecting videos (laughs).

-That's a good point (laughs). You've been working on the album for a long time, what do you hope to achieve with it?

Shinya: Up until now, I've been thinking of songs that can evolve in a live setting, but this time, even if we make an album, we don't know if we will be able to perform live or tour like we have in the past. So I've been thinking about it with that situation in mind.

-In other words, rather than evolving through live performances, do you have a sense of construction that evolves completely during the production process?

Shinya: Well, to put it simply, it's a nuance.

-Do you want to take a different approach to the drums?

Shinya: No, when it comes to drum phrases, I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind. I don't worry about it too much.

-What was your impression of this single, "Oboro", when you heard the original song?

Shinya: Well... I was working on several songs at the same time, and I don't remember what the original "Oboro" song sounded like.

-Were the other songs that you were arranging and pre-producing at the same time too strong for you?

Shinya: It was all very strong. The drum approach for "Oboro" was just what I thought of when I heard the original song, without any worries.

We're going to do a live performance for an audience on the 6th of May, but we don't know what's going to happen after that, so we're going to do it as if it might be our last one.

-You said that you often set up an electric drum machine at home and make drum arrangements while playing, is this the same style you used for "Oboro" and the new songs you were working on?

Shinya: When I'm thinking of drum phrases, I don't use an electric drum but just use the mouse. In the past, I used to focus on the basic groove of the song, and I used to add drum phrases while actually playing the drums. But the period of thinking while playing is over now…

-I didn't know you had such a time frame in mind (laughs). Thinking with the mouse is a way of avoiding the first days of DTM, isn't it?

Shinya: Yes, it's the way we did it in the beginning. I think the period of time I was thinking about it while I was in the city changed my way of thinking about drum place. It's hard to describe it in words (laughs).

-I'll take care of that. I'm a subscriber to the Shinya Channel, so be nice to me (lol).

Shinya: Well, I guess I should say I've got it all figured out. I've learned about the advantages of using an electric drum and the differences between using a mouse and thinking with an electric drum, and now I'm able to create phrases and grooves with just a mouse while playing the electric drum, so I think it's not a problem. I can now type in rhythms and phrases with the same time signature as if I were actually playing.

-Do you find it easier to come up with something unexpected by not thinking of phrases as you play?

Shinya: Yes, one of the advantages of playing the piano is that you can create phrases that you can't edit. You can create phrases that you can't edit with your own hands. That's why I started thinking about drum arrangements by typing with the mouse in the early days. In this song "Oboro", I used the mouse a lot in the A melody and other phrases. The demo phrases that I came up with using only the mouse were much stronger and weaker, but when I actually played them on live drums, I couldn't get that level of intensity.

-Do you mean simply the volume?

Shinya: That's right. The core of each sound has to come out properly in live drums, so even if you add a strong instrument, if it's too weak, the core won't come out. The image was different from the one I had in the mouse, but it turned out good, so I didn't have any trouble. I also thought a lot about the guitar in the drum braise of "Oboro". It's the solo part.

-It's a drum approach that is making a difference.

Shinya: Yes. I tried to make a good movement when I hit it. The form of the striking and the movement of the arms are flowing.

-You have a large number of cymbals anyway, and they are set up around the effects cymbals. Effect cymbals have a shorter blue sustain than normal cymbals. That's why when you use a lot of cymbals, do you consider the tendency of the sound of each cymbal and the length of the sustain while constructing the phrase itself?

Shinya: That's what I'm trying to do, to make it so that it's smooth and the previous movements flow. But when we were recording, we didn't talk about it that much. At the live show, I think "I used this cymbal on the recording, but I'll use that cymbal at the live show", so at the live show, I try to pursue the movement more.

-You‘re a drummer who can go beyond. You mentioned that you bring the same cymbals and settings to your recordings as you do live?

Shinya: There are as many cymbals as there are live, but the tycoons are more like two thimbles, two toms and one floor. It's a set of two toms and one floor.

-I think it's important to be careful when making drum sounds.

Shinya: Yes, it is. The drums are the most important part of the sound. I leave it to the tuner. I asked the tuner to listen to a demo of a drum phrase that I typed in with my mouse, and then I asked him to create a drum sound that would fit the phrase. I didn't start working with the drum tuner on recordings until 2019 (The World of Mercy), and he also joined me on several occasions during the tour. The sound on that tour was so good that we started asking them to play on 'The World of Mercy'. It's easier to make a good sound in a live setting, but if the tuner can make a sound that I'm happy with, then I can trust him for the recording. For the recording of "Oboro", they tuned it to the sound I had imagined from the beginning.

-I get the impression that you always do your recordings without getting bogged down, but this time?

Shinya: Just like that. We also recorded the coupling song "T.D.F.F." at that time, but we didn't get stuck. But I recorded it part by part, so it took a bit longer. If I'm happy with the intro, I'll go on to the A melody, and so on, starting from the beginning of the song. It takes a lot of concentration to record each part. Also, sometimes the song isn't written until the day before, so I haven't memorised the phrases yet (laughs). The structure of "Oboro" wasn't even ready until the day before we recorded it. So when I played it, I put the recording side by side and concentrated on each part.

-What did you think of the coupling track "T.D.F.F."?

Shinya: I didn't change much in terms of drum phrases, but I tried to give it a bit more energy. As a result, there are a little less detailed snare phrases than on the original version.

-When you do a self-remake, do you tend to go in with a different stance than the original?

Shinya: It depends on how it's arranged. If the whole arrangement is completely different, I'll consider it a controversial piece and work on it. But basically, I try not to change the original phrases. When SUGIZO joined X JAPAN, he said, "Classical phrases are all different depending on the performer, even if the phrases are not changed“ . That's why SUGIZO said he was playing the same phrases as HIDE. That's why I want to show that although the phrases are the same, they are actually different.

-It's all luck. Even though the phrases are the same, each note is different, and this progression is the growth.

Shinya: Yes. It's a bit embarrassing to call it growth, but I think it's different even though it's the same phrase. But there are things that only the ward of that time could do, but there are also things that only the ward of today can do.

-What mode are you in as a drummer in 2021?

Shinya: I don't really think about it, I just want to play a good drum.

-When I started thinking about the phrases in Mouse, it was also the time when the Band started performing and touring overseas, and the Band's drummers and musicians that I played with at festivals and other events were always saying, "The drums in DIR EN GREY are so circular and amazing. I wondered if Shinya had some kind of special meaning behind the way he phrased the songs“ .

Shinya: Even if I say I've gone back, the way I put it on is completely different from back then. I was thinking of doing something complicated back then, but now I'm thinking of making it as simple as possible. I'm saying that now, but I think it will change depending on what kind of new songs I'm going to play. I'm going to release "Oboro" as a single, but I don't think you can see the spirit of the album from this song alone, in fact I think the album will have a completely different feel. In addition to "Oboro", the other songs on the album will have more impact in the direction of things. I may have done something uncomplicated before the drums... (laughs).

-By the way, today was the first time you met your fans in Osaka, are you getting more excited about the show?

Shinya: Yes, I am. We're going to play to an audience on May 6th, but after that we don't know what will happen. So I'm going to do it with the mindset that it might be my last live. I'm looking forward to seeing how it will be expressed in the actual live performance.

Text/ YUKINOBU HASEGAWA, HIROKI KATAGIRI [GiGS/Equipment]

Photo/ REISHI EGUMA [C-LOVe CREATORS]

Translations by me.

[historical-gays]

It came pre installed on my laptop, and I loved watching the trial period tick away and ignoring all the notifications until it was gone

[thatmultifandomhoe]

It’s You

Pairing: Changkyun and Reader

Group: Monsta X

Word Count: 7,433

Genre/Rating: Valentine’s Day AU - Quarantine AU - Friends to Lovers AU - Fluff - Angst - PG-13

Overview: The last thing you planned to do was celebrate Valentine’s Day. Being single on a holiday that glorified love, especially during a pandemic, was the perfect sign to stay at home to guarantee avoiding having a broken heart. Especially when Changkyun, the one who held it, seemed to have plans of his own.

Warning: Mention of past unrequited love and having a broken heart - swearing -

A/N: Happy - early - Valentine’s Day sweet peas! And yes, Changkyun from Monsta X was the winner of the “Who Do You Want to Spend Valentine’s day With,” and I had so much fun working on this piece. I’m personally not a fan of the holiday - for reasons you’ll read below - but I hope that those of y’all who do celebrate have a happy Valentine’s day, and I hope that y’all enjoy this piece and get all the chocolate that you want this year!

Tagging: @srvdyv​​  @skyys-universe​​ @kpophoneybunny​​ @wheein-whanders​​ @ezralia-writes​

Music Playlist:

Main Master List:

Pinterest Mood Board:

The First Installment of the Hoe Catalog.

©thatmultifandomhoe 2021. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

“Are you okay?”

Glancing over at the cell phone that was propped up on the dresser, you raised an eyebrow at the black screen. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You do know what day it is, right?”

Fingers pausing, you pressed your lips together, staring down at the button of the black jeans you had been in the middle of putting on. You had known what day it was when you went to turn off the alarm that had set for that morning. It had been painfully obvious, and as the pre-recorded song of birds chirping increased in volume, you had stared at the date for longer than you normally do.

February fourteenth.

Valentine’s Day.

“I’ve only been awake for an hour,” you said, stepping towards the closet for a shirt. It had been a miracle that Changkyun had called instead of his preferred method of randomly video calling. While it was true, you had been up for an hour, you had only started moving about to get on with the day about five minutes ago. And currently you were only wearing pants and a black lacy bra. Although, knowing him, he wouldn’t have complained.

There was rustling on his end and the clinking of a spoon hitting a glass. “I know, but I just wanted to make sure. You seemed pretty upset the other day.”

“It’s not that I’m upset…” You slipped your head through the hole of a black smocked square blouse with red flowers printed on it, adjusting the top so it sat properly. “I just...don’t like the holiday.”

Which was putting it mildly. It was more than a dislike, but as you went to look in the mirror to make sure there weren’t any tags sticking out, you silently thanked him for calling. You never hated Valentine’s Day. At its core, it was rather a sweet concept, one that year after year, a part of you hoped that maybe you’d be able to have someone to enjoy the holiday with. But after years of being single on the most romantic day, and having it ruined by dates turned sour, more often than not a dark cloud hovered overhead while you tried to simply get through the day.

You tried to find some spin on it to turn it around. Starting tomorrow and for the next week, chocolate was going to be anywhere from fifty to seventy-percent off. Sales were always fantastic no matter what the reason was. There were only so many chocolate hearts that you were capable of eating though.

“Why are you calling so early?” You said, turning the conversation back to him. It made sense why you were up – even on a Sunday there was always work to be done – for him to be awake before noon, that caused a bit of worry.

“Ah,” there was a thump that echoed on the call like he had dropped his phone, his voice sounding distant. “I have some things to get done today.”

“Yeah, but it’s nine in the morning. I thought you weren’t even coherent before noon.”

Changkyun forced out a laugh and you lightly smiled, gathering your hair into a bun before carrying him into the kitchen. Even though it was a simple phone call and was a bit distorted, it did nothing to dull the fluttering going on by the butterflies in your stomach. His lazy grin came to mind, and only ten minutes into the hour and you were smiling like a fool while stirring your coffee.

That was another reason why you weren’t entirely fond of the holiday. The entire day was dedicated to love, to telling someone that you love them, and here you were, having fallen for your friend and yet you refused to tell him. It was hard to pinpoint when these feelings began, but it was possible that they had been growing since the day you two met.

There was no doubt that you were a workaholic, always feeling weird if you bummed around for more than a few hours, so it made sense that on the rare day off that you took, something had to crash it. You had been indulging in some binge watching of your precious Inuyasha when your phone lit up with an incoming video call from Messenger. Immediately you had been hesitant. None of your friends ever video messaged you since unlike them, your cell was an android.

You hadn’t planned to answer him. Not only did you not recognize the name, or his picture - despite how attractive he appeared - but you didn’t normally answer requests from strangers. With that in mind and mildly annoyed in having to pause the episode, you were ready to hit decline and be on with the day. Except, you were a dumb ass, and hit accept by accident.

Turns out he had meant to call someone else and had been equally shocked when you answered. In fact, he had been less than classy upon seeing you in instead of his friend, the words, ‘oh, fuck me,’ slipping out before he could stop himself.

In normal circumstances, you might have rolled your eyes, or told him to go fuck himself, but it had been six months into the pandemic and he was the first new person that you had met in a while.

“I don’t usually fuck strangers,” you had said instead, not missing the way his eyebrow rose and how his mouth curled upwards in a smile. “But if you wanna buy me a grinder and have it delivered to my place; I might eventually be persuaded.”

There had been a tense moment, but when he let out a breathless chuckle, somehow you knew that you were in the safe zone. Turns out, the two of you had a friend in common who he had meant to call, but he hadn’t been paying attention to what he was doing and accidentally clicked on your profile. The call only lasted for a few more minutes before Changkyun apologized and with an awkward wave, ended it. You stared at his profile picture and next thing you knew, you were scrolling through his pictures, oohing upon finding an old one of him with silver hair and an eyebrow piercing.

A couple hours later, there was a knock at your door and after slipping on a mask, you were greeted with a delivery man that looked no older than sixteen, announcing that he had a grinder for you. Before you could say that you hadn’t ordered anything, he promised that it had already been paid for, tip included. Not one to turn down free food, you accepted it, and saw the note that was taped to the paper bag.

I’m not a weirdo I promise. Jooheon passed along your address, and I’m not about to let someone go hungry. From, a friendly stranger who hit the wrong button.

There was no second guessing on your part. You pulled his profile back up and hit the video button, only having to wait a few seconds before his face filled the screen, locks of black hair falling across his forehead as he ruffled it up.

“Did you seriously send me a grinder?”

“You sounded hungry.”

There was a brief pause, and suddenly you were giggling, shoulders shaking as you sat down on a chair, his own deep chuckles joining in not long after. It was odd, but after that – and after confirming with Jooheon to make sure he wasn’t a creep, which you were assured he wasn’t – the two of you fell into the habit of video chatting. Some days there was nothing to say. With the pandemic raging on and everything closed, it was nice to have someone simply be there after all this time.

Fast forward five months later, the pandemic had only grown worse, and not only had Changkyun proven to be a good friend, but he managed to worm his way into your heart.

“What about you,” Changkyun suddenly asked. “You’re not actually working today, are you? Forget the holiday, it’s Sunday.”

Rolling your eyes, you went back to the bedroom with the black coffee in one hand, and him in the other. “Not all day. I have a few graphics that I want to finish up or it’ll bug me. Should only take a few hours to do.”

“Only a few hours,” he teased. “I’m willing to bet you’ll still be working tonight.”

“Will not.”

“Will too.”

“Not.”

His end grew silent, and he suddenly cleared his throat. “We’ll see about that.”

There was something about that sentence that stopped you from entering the password to your computer. Glancing away from the screen, you stared at Changkyun’s picture, wondering why his voice had softened when he had said that, as if he knew something that you didn’t.

“What is it that you have to do?” You found yourself asking him again, not looking at the keys as you logged into your laptop, the bleeding hearts screensaver appearing as the icons loaded one by one.

“Just some…stuff. I’ll probably be off my phone most of the day.”

“Oh.”

With the amount of phone calls and video chats the two of you had, it had become normal to hear from him a couple times throughout the day. The text chat was filled with various memes, emojis, and conversations that ranged from how much is too much fabric softener? - all the way to late night conversations involving stories about crazy exes, to insecurities, dreams you’ve always wanted to do, and whether or not the world would ever go back to the normal that you both had known prior to March 2020.

Wetting your lips, you leaned back against the desk chair and cradled the mug in both hands. “Well, have fun with whatever you’re doing,” you said, keeping your voice light so he wouldn’t notice the shift in your mood.

It was suddenly so obvious why he wasn’t saying what he had to do. With the holiday approaching, Changkyun had asked if you had any plans for how to spend the day, and with that came your explanation for why you weren’t overly fond of this particular day. The blind dates that ended terribly and being single had been part of the reason why, but there was one particular instance from the past that was determined to ruin Valentines every year for you.

In all the years, there was one person that you had confessed to on Valentines. Jungkook was someone you considered a friend, but you had only told him the truth to get him to shut up about his girlfriend. Up until that afternoon she had been the ex that, from your understanding, despised being in the same room as him anymore. According to him, she showed up at his place with the usual, ‘I miss you,’ and ‘let’s try again,’ and somehow that all managed to lead to wild and hot passionate sex that was, ‘insanely good.’

If only that had been it.

Whether Jungkook got caught up in reliving the moment and forgot who he was talking to, he gave you a play by play of their reunion. From the way she arrived at his door, to the way she felt around him, he told every detail all while you were on the other end of the phone, fingers twisted and tugging at your hair as you sat on the floor of your childhood bedroom. On all the days, the last thing you wanted to hear was your crush talking about having to move to the living room because his bedroom reeked from all their fucking.

The conversation didn’t last much longer, thank god, but you hadn’t been able to grieve because in the other room mom’s voice could be heard as she talked about her day at work. Instead, you forced back the tears and it took everything to not break down when she smiled and handed you an orange teddy bear holding a red heart that said I love you, along with a bag of Lindt chocolates. She was unaware, and while everyone slept, you buried your face into a couple pillows to muffle the sounds of your crying. You were only eighteen and yet you swore your heart collapsed in on itself before exploding into a million glass shards.

“That fucking dick,” Changkyun had said when you told him.

The screen had been bright as the two of you video chatted, and you rubbed your eyes, tired but not ready to go to sleep. He had been doing the rounds of locking up and shutting off the lights while you spoke, only wearing a thin pair black and blue flannel pants. At least he held the phone pretty leveled so you weren’t forced to stare at his torso, but there had been several times where you found your gaze lingering on his muscular body.

“I mean,” you ran a hand through your hair, shrugging as he looked back at you. “It happens to everyone.”

Changkyun frowned though. “No,” he said, his voice gentle but firm at the same time. “No, it doesn’t. And that shouldn’t have happened to you.”

Blinking, you forced the memory away, shifting in your seat to get comfortable once again. Just because you didn’t enjoy the holiday, or didn’t have anyone to spend it with, didn’t mean that was the case with Changkyun. Why else would he be reluctant to say what his plans were? He was probably just being nice and didn’t want to appear like he was rubbing salt into an old wound that refused to heal.

“Hey,” Changkyun’s voice softened again, and as much as you knew you shouldn’t, you wished that he was here, in the apartment with you for him to hold you. “It’s still early in the morning. For all you know, there’s a Mr. Right, who’s going to stumble into your path today.”

You scoffed, the clicking of your mouse echoing in the bedroom. “I mean, I don’t have plans to go out.”

“Surprises can happen you know.”

“Alright Changkyun,” now that the internet was up, you glanced back at the phone. “I gotta get to work. Stay safe out there.”

“Always am. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

There was a pause, and when you looked back over, the call was still going. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for either of you to leave it going while doing work, the silence was never awkward, it was more comforting than anything, but this time there was a sense of something being left un–

“You look pretty today,” Changkyun said suddenly.

Blinking, your fingers tightened around the mouse as your heart raced. “What? You can’t even see me Changkyun.”

“So?”

“I could be wearing my pajamas for all you know,” your voice faltered, and despite the constriction of wearing jeans, you pulled your legs up on to the chair to hug them to your chest.

“I’ve already seen you in your pajamas,” he joked. “You’re still pretty though.”

He was smiling. You knew for certain that he was, and that made your palms turn clammy, forcing you to wipe them against the pant leg.

“Maybe I’m not, wearing clothes?” Internally you slapped yourself, instantly regretting those words, and perhaps your entire existence at this point. It was still early. Instead of work, maybe you could possibly bury yourself under all the blankets and never answer his phone calls again.

Hearing shuffling coming from the phone, you pressed your lips together, not entirely sure if you wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Are you trying to keep me from my plans today?” His voice deepened and if it weren’t for the fact that you were already sitting down, you were certain that you’d be on the floor.

“No, I’m just stupid,” you blurted out, slamming your hand over your mouth.

Changkyun chuckled, and suddenly the phone seemed closer to him because his voice became clearer. “I think you’re trying to seduce me.”

Oh god. No. It was absolutely the other way around. He was the one who had the advantage on his side, between the lip bites and the selfies he sent that captured his jawline that was perfect to cut glass with. Whether it was his godly features, or when the two of you were video chatting and he rolled onto his stomach and face planted himself into the pillow, you fell for him every time.

“Know what?” You rushed to say, ignoring his laughter. “I have work and you have things to do. Stay safe, and I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”

There was no hesitation. This time you slammed your finger on the end call button and for extra measure, tossed it away and on the bed, letting it disappear among the sea of messy blankets.

Shakily sighing, you slid further down in the chair as the edge of the desk pinned your legs to your chest to keep from falling to the ground. He had never said anything like that before. Sure, there were times where he’d see you do something or when you’d ramble on about a show or work, he’d might say cute, but that always felt like an afterthought.

“Damn it Changkyun,” you said, glaring at where you had thrown the phone and hating the fact that his words kept circling around your mind, making you feel incredibly warmer than you had been ten minutes earlier. Hating that while he was probably going to be on a date with some pretty girl who was worth his time, you were at home, working on a Sunday, wishing that the guy you hadn’t even met in person was here and telling you that in-between kisses.

You ran a hand over your face with a groan, fingers of course getting caught in the bun briefly as you sat up. There was work to be done, and with a click of the mouse, the programs you needed quickly opened up. It was fairly easy, and if you focused, would only take an hour, maybe even less to get done. But with Changkyun on the brain, all you wanted to do was curl back up under the messy blankets and daydream about him. About what it would be like to hug him, to hear his voice in person, and perhaps, spend a Valentine’s day with someone who wouldn’t let you down.

That wasn’t going to happen though. It was a daydream and nothing more.

Lacing your fingers together, you quickly turned them inward, groaning in satisfaction at the loud crack that emitted from the joints. Outside the window that the desk was placed in front of, the sun had already begun its descent for the night. The sky was painted in splashes of orange with lazy clouds slipping in, the remaining bits of blue falling steadily behind.

Despite what Changkyun had predicted, he was only partially correct. With him swimming freely in your mind, you had been distracted, lost in a hazy daydream that made it impossible to focus on the graphics that you were trying to finish up. More often than not you stepped away from the desk, feet guiding you to the other room or in small twirls with the faintest lovesick smile. It was impossible to get anything done. So, you said fuck it. It was Sunday after all, and you weren’t expected to have those scheduled to be posted for a few days. Where was the harm in having one day to yourself? One with no work whatsoever to stress you out?

With work out of the way and having no other plans, another cup of coffee had been made and in the spirit of the holiday, your gaze had lingered on the makeup that sat on the dresser. Most of it had gone unused as the weeks melted into months. Tubes of lipstick and eye shadow palettes once loved had been forgotten about, and as you recalled, the brushes that you typically forgot to clean had been washed out of pure boredom. It was with new motivation that you grabbed a majority of the collection and hopped onto the counter in the bathroom, music playing from a playlist filled with songs from your younger years that held nostalgia, and simply played around with the colors.

By the time you were done, an hour had gone by, and you gained two cut creases with glitter, contoured cheeks, painted your lips, and looked like you were ready to go out for a date out in the city to be wined and dined. Instead, you slipped on a pair of fuzzy socks and slid into the kitchen with plans to see what frozen meal the freezer had to offer. If anything, it had the bare bones of a date. The location? Your couch. The hot leading man? Most likely the main character from whatever show you finally decided on after you gave a good scroll through Netflix. All you needed was utter disappointment and it could be considered a success.

You were torn between making the decision for frozen lasagna or chicken Alfredo, but a sudden and loud knock at the door stopped you. Eyebrows pulling in confusion, you carefully set the food on the counter, taking a moment to slip on the mask that you left hanging on the doorknob for situations like this. Not that they occurred often. With the exception of having food delivered, once the world realized that this pandemic wasn’t just a simple flu and doctors encouraged people to stay home, you hadn’t invited anyone over. It was lonely, and you missed your friends and family greatly, but this wasn’t a situation to take lightly.

“I’m sorry,” you said, opening the door once the fabric mask was securely on. “I think you might have the wrong…”

And you stopped. Stopped talking and stared. Stared at the man leaning against your door frame, wearing a black as ink suit jacket, a pristine white button up shirt was tucked into matching black pants, with the top several buttons undone to reveal a tanned and toned chest that you knew he took pride in considering all the gym selfies he sent. The black fabric mask he wore hid most of his face, but the corners of his eyes were crinkled together.

“I think I’m right where I’m supposed to be,” Changkyun said, his deep voice sounding better in real life than you had expected, and dreamed of.

He pushed off of the frame and it was then that you noticed the things in his hands. In the left, was a plastic bag stuffed with packaged containers, and in the right…in his right wrapped in pink tissue paper was a bouquet of red and pink carnations with babies��� breath mixed in. There had to be at least a dozen, perhaps a baker’s dozen, if not a few extra.

There were no words. After all the books you consumed to pass the time, articles you searched for work, and even countless texts sent to friends, everything escaped you at that very moment because he was here. He was actually here and standing in front of you.

“I know you said you haven’t had anyone over since this started. But I got tested a couple days ago, came back negative, and we’ve both been working from home this entire time so if you want…” Changkyun lifted the bag he held into view and this time, you could see that even though it was triple bagged, you were able to make a red dragon printed on the cartons. “I have Chinese food, and I’m willing to bet that Netflix has something for us to watch. If you’re not comfortable though that’s fine. I have plenty of food that we can—”

Except he didn’t get to finish what he was saying before you tugged him into the apartment by his arm. Immediately, your arms wound their way around his waist and you pressed your face into his chest, tightly hugging him.

“It’s you,” you said, feeling his right arm carefully rest on your back to hold you close, all while being mindful of the flowers that he was carrying.

There was a soft chuckle from above as he laid his head on top of yours. “It’s good to finally see you too.”

Smiling, your arms tightened around him once more before you stepped backwards, letting him enter the apartment completely. “You didn’t have to bring flowers you know.”

“And show up empty handed?”

You gestured towards the table for him to set the food down, taking the flowers and going to the sink. “You bought Chinese food. That more than would have made up for no flowers.” But while the vase filled with water and you trimmed the stems, gently adding them in one by one, there was a warmth spreading within your chest that came right from the heart, even more so when he chuckled. The only people to ever buy you flowers on Valentine’s day were your parents.

Like always, the silence that followed felt natural. The only difference was that you were aware that Changkyun was moving around in the kitchen with you, getting plates and silverware out without having to ask where things were because he had seen you do the same thing countless times before while video chatting. You just never thought he was actually paying attention.

When they were all in the vase, you tossed the ends in the trash and turned around, only to see that once again, he was watching you.

“Why are you staring?”

Changkyun shrugged, running a hand through his hair as the black locks fell right back into his eyes. “I was right.”

Tilting your head, you walked over to the table and set the vase in the center. You were already so close to him, but he leaned his head down, the black fabric of his mask brushing against the top of your ear.

“That you look pretty,” he said softly. “And it’s not because of the makeup. I had a feeling you might dress up today; you look beautiful.”

The air that you had been breathing was instantly stolen, and when you made the mistake of looking up at him, you realized just how close the two of you were. If it weren’t for the masks you both wore…

“You don’t look half bad yourself,” you teased, trying to not glance at where his lips would be. “You’re a lot taller than messenger video makes you out to be.”

He rolled his eyes and scoffed. Straightening up, Changkyun slipped his suit jacket off and set it on the back of a chair to undo the buttons on his cuffs, taking the time to roll each sleeve up to his elbows. “You’re meaner in person.”

Good god. You knew that he worked out, but damn. Maybe not for the first couple weeks, eventually Changkyun fell into the habit of sending selfies while he was working out at the gym. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but seeing his tanned arms and the white sleeve making its way up to his elbow, it sparked the butterflies and gave them a newfound fluttering energy.

“Do you wanna eat or not?” Not thinking of it, you reached up to unhook the elastic from around your ears, removing the mask and setting it back on the counter. With a glance up at him, you saw him raise an eyebrow before he mimicked your movements to take off his own mask, revealing the jaw that tempted your daydreams in more ways than you wished.

He smiled, and you handed him his plate and together, the two of you fixed up heaping plates of Chinese food, using the concept of needing to eat to distract yourself. Everything was still hot and as you settled on the couch, steam curled its way up into the air.

“Were you able to get your secret plans done today?” You asked, glancing over at him while Netflix loaded up on the TV screen.

“Why are you so interested in what I had to do?” He was focused on the dumpling that he held with the chopsticks, not meeting your gaze at all.

It wasn’t that you meant to be focused on that. But he had acted so suspicious on the phone earlier, and now he was here, having dinner in your apartment with enough Chinese food to cost a small fortune, along with sixteen carnations – yes, you counted while cutting them – on Valentine’s Day. There had been no warning, and as much as you wanted to believe that he was here for more than a friendly drop in, the idea of him having been on a date earlier in the day and was here to talk about it, about the possible other girl, killed the butterflies. You had already been through this once, you didn’t want to go through it again. Not with him.

Scrolling through the list of suggestions, you didn’t notice Changkyun looking over at you, or the way his face softened. His fingers tightened around the chopsticks and he leaned back against the cushion.

“What’s that one about?” He nodded towards one of the movies that was in the watch again section.

You raised an eyebrow, scrolling over to it. “Please don’t tell me that you’ve never seen Love Actually?”

“If I did, would I have asked what it’s about?”

Unable to stop yourself, an undignified sound escaped you as you wildly gestured with the remote. “How? It’s like the sweetest romance, Christmas movie ever. They play it every year. It even has Liam Neeson, the man promising to find and kill everyone, as a sweet dad who doesn’t kill anyone! That alone is a true Christmas miracle by itself.”

The thought of him being with someone else dissipated at the sound of his laughter. Even caught up in the excitement of this particular movie, you couldn’t stop the smile that grew. No matter what, even in real life or over video, you always found yourself grinning the second he laughed or smiled. He was without a doubt contagious, in the best way possible.

“What are you waiting for?” He said, gesturing towards the screen with the chopsticks, shoulders relaxing at the sight of your smile and apparent joy for the film. One that he had in fact, seen a few times over the years. “Press play.”

There was no hesitation. You were determined to culture him in what you deemed to be a classic in romance films. So, as you comfortably settled in, belly growing full of warm and delicious food, you once again missed Changkyun’s wide smile. It was the kind of grin that no matter what he did, or how serious he tried to be, simply wouldn’t go away.

The empty dinner plates sat long forgotten about on the coffee table as another movie played, this one involving an action pack fight scene with aliens in New York City. Hours had passed since Changkyun arrived at your door, and despite it growing late and Valentine’s Day was nearing its end, his polished shoes were unlaced and tossed on the floor. A wine bottle had been opened up, and you sat much closer to him to share a blanket with him. You were blaming it on the wine for being so bold because when he stretched an arm on the back of the couch, you didn’t think twice about gently leaning your head against it.

You couldn’t even really blame it on the wine. It was the first glass for both of you, and you were a slow drinker, so you were as sober as a newborn lamb at the moment.

It was just like when the two of you would video chat with the same movie on, but so much better. Having him here, you were noticing the smallest things that you’d miss when on the phone.  At the base of his neck was a small mole that you never realized he had, or that he was wearing two thin silver chains – a pair that, now that you thought about it, he never went without. Behind you, he’d occasionally rub his fingers together and the metal of his bracelet would lightly clink against itself. With the few glances that you stole, his attention was solely on the movie and his jaw appeared to be pressed together.

Feeling a sudden weight, you turned to see him settling his arm around your shoulders. His wrist was now hanging over your arm, and it took all your willpower to not reach up with a free hand to lace your fingers loosely with his. When you glanced back up at him, he was in mid sip of his wine, throat bobbing with each swallow.

Shit. This was not helping the butterflies that seemed to have multiplied since his arrival.

Changkyun raised an eyebrow when he lowered his glass, softly humming in question, but you only shook your head and focused back on the movie. Except, now you were hyper aware that he was looking at you this time.

“What’s wrong?” He murmured, his thumb and fingers lightly rubbing against your arm.

That was another thing. His voice was deep. In the calls, the phone occasionally cracked and had made it seem lighter, but it appeared to be just the opposite. He was blessed with a voice that was able to drop lower than a bass, sending your insides to mush when he spoke. It was the type of voice that was destined to recite poetry and old sonnets, to hold three in the morning conversations that went wherever and everywhere. When he called your name, it never failed to send tingles running the length of your body. It was his voice, and you knew that you’d never grow tired of hearing him talk.

“Nothing. I was just thinking,” you said, leaning your head back, his arm comfortable and warm as you looked up at the ceiling, trying to avoid his gaze for a few seconds.

His fingers didn’t stop. The gentle caress, a small reassurance that he was in fact here and this wasn’t your imagination, made it harder to stay where you sat instead of curling into his side like you wanted.

“Thinking about what?”

Letting out a breathless scoff, you tilted your head towards him. Changkyun was a sight to see and you knew that if this was the only time you got to spend with him in person, you were never going to forget this moment.

Your smile softened. “That you’re actually here, after all these months of texts and video calls. You actually came here, and you’re real.”

“Did you think I was a robot or something?” Changkyun teased, but his fingers stopped moving, and that lock of hair fell back into his eyes again.

“Well, you did accidentally call me instead of Jooheon and last time I checked, we look nothing alike.” There was no thinking as you reached up and mimicked his movements to push that damn lock back, feeling how soft his hair was. It brought you a little bit closer to him and in that second, the world suddenly felt like it was no longer moving when you glanced down at his lips. Those pink lips that you wondered and dreamt about night after night, too curious for your own good on what it would be like to kiss him. Now was your chance to find out, especially when he didn’t lean back and appeared to be getting closer.

“Cookies?” You suddenly asked, leaning back to see his eyebrows start to pull together in confusion. Heart racing, you set your wine glass on the coffee table and walked around the couch to step into the kitchen. With only your back to him, you quietly let out a shaky breath. “I know I have some for us to munch on…”

Opening up a cabinet, you stretched on to your toes to search for the package of cookies that you knew were in there, mentally slapping yourself at having done that. He hadn’t backed away, hadn’t tried to stop you, in fact, if you allowed yourself to believe it, you would have recalled that he had started to lean in when you randomly brought up cookies. As much as you wanted to, the last thing you wanted was to lose your friendship.

You were pushing aside a box of crackers when his hand captured your wrist, halting your search. It felt like your heart was about to leap out of its cage when his fingers gently wrapped around your hand, and when his palm settled on a hip, it was equally as comforting as it lit a spark inside you. There was nothing you wanted to do more than to melt into his embrace.

“Sweetheart, do you really think I’m here to just hang out?” He asked, his voice low as he spoke into your ear, his body stepping closer to yours.

“You’re…you’re not?” You weakly asked, nervous because you didn’t want this all to be a joke.

The idea of this being a one night only thing thanks to the holiday left an ache in your bones. You wanted more nights like this with him, wanted to hear him call out your name with that gentle smile of his over and over again. Dammit, you wanted to wake up and have the blankets be stifling hot but not care as you crawled over to his side of the bed, searching for morning cuddles because fuck the person who decided that the workday would start at eight in the morning. The only person you wanted to spend this quarantine with, to be able to touch, to be worried and even scared about all this with, was Changkyun.

Changkyun’s breath hit the back of your neck as he softly chuckled, sending a shiver down your spine. “God, I thought I was being obvious. Let me try this differently.”

Still holding on to your wrist, he turned you around and once you were facing him, let go of your hand to step closer until your back was against the counter. With each breath your chest brushed against his, and when he pushed the hair that had fallen in your face behind your ear, fingers brushing against your cheek, you almost forgot to breathe.

“I know you’ve always had a pretty crappy Valentine’s day,” Changkyun softly spoke. His gaze was steady with yours, and even though he was being serious, there was a softness to his features that had the corner of his mouth curling upwards. “And I thought that the best way to keep that from repeating this year, would be if you spent it with someone, who loves you.”

Who loves…oh.

It suddenly all made sense. Why he didn’t want to say what he was doing to celebrate, him calling you pretty, the food and flowers, the coaxing touches, he could have rented a billboard and put up a neon flashing sign and you probably still would have been blind.

“Changkyun,” you whispered, reaching up to cup his cheek.

He softly smiled as he closed the remaining space between you to rest his forehead against yours, his palms sliding along your body until he had you wrapped in a hug. “There you go, now you get it.”

Giggling, you rolled your eyes out of habit. It was like him to be a smart ass during a moment like this. With that being said, the butterflies fluttered their way up to your heart, and all the daydreams that you entertained and thought nothing would come of them, now had the possibility of becoming reality.

“I love you too,” you said, running your thumb along his cheek as you watched his smile widen.

There was no hesitation, or smart ass comments this time. Instead, when his lips met yours in a kiss, your heart stopped racing. The butterflies finally calmed down and the world around you went out of focus as your fingers slid through his hair. His lips were soft, and thanks to the red wine, there was a lingering tangy sweetness that reminded you of raspberries. You found yourself becoming addicted to his taste, the kisses melting together until you lost track of how long the two of you stood there, content with doing nothing but being wrapped up in each other’s embrace.

A clock chimed out in the apartment, breaking the kiss which only served to make you pout at the loss of his lips. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Changkyun, who smirked before leaning down to give one more kiss, which quickly turned into two, then three.

“Don’t you have work in the morning?” He murmured, resting his forehead once more against yours.

“You trying to kiss and dash?”

His fingers gently pressed into your sides and you squirmed at his touch, giggling at his antics. However, he leaned his head back and sighed. “Like hell I’d do that. But you usually wake up earlier for work, and trust me, I’ll end up keeping you awake if I stay the night.”

There was no doubt about that, and to be truthful, you’d have no issue if that was the case. He was right, but as ideas turned in your mind, you shrugged. “You can’t go out driving though,” you said softly. “You were drinking.”

Changkyun frowned, head tilting as he removed a hand from your back to run through his hair. “Not even a whole glass.”

You raised an eyebrow. It took him having to say he loved you for you to understand how he felt about you despite his dine and wine attempt, and here he was, completely missing what you were suggesting. Either you were absolutely perfect for each other, or equally dense.

“Well, we also broke quarantine,” you said slowly, slipping a finger through his belt loop at the same time to bring him closer. “Isn’t the recommendation to stay at home for what, at least three days?”

He started to tilt his head, mouth opening to question what you were saying until he saw the smile growing on your face. Closing his eyes, he pressed his lips together before looking back at you.

“That was horrible,” Changkyun said. He slipped his arms back around you, pulling you away from the counter. His grin said otherwise. “At least I tried being romantic.”

“Well, I mean, if you really want to go back to your place by yourself…”

He didn’t let you say another word, his lips reclaiming yours again, because there was absolutely nothing that felt better than kissing you after months of dreaming what it would be like.

“Don’t go,” you softly murmured against his lips. “Not when you just got here.”

Maybe it was selfish. But you didn’t want to be alone again. Not when he had gone through so much trouble to make this night special, not when you finally knew that he felt the same way about you. After almost a year of staying inside the apartment whenever you could, of going without hugs or get togethers, being able to touch and kiss Changkyun felt like you were relearning what those were all over again. All you wanted was a few days with him.

Changkyun hummed, his arms tightening around you. “Sweetheart, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” he said, gazing down at you as if he had considered the same thing.

The clock that had rang out to announce the hour of a new day and that Valentine’s day was over, continued to quietly tick in the other room. The Earth continued to spin, and outside, the world was exactly how it had been this morning, full of fear, what ifs, and the unknown of a pandemic that didn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.

But inside that small apartment, wrapped in Changkyun’s arms, giggles and laughter filled the walls when he pulled you to the middle of the kitchen and spun you around for a late-night dance. It might not be the thing that changes the world, but for the first time, in a long time, hope began to blossom alongside the butterflies in your stomach. The memories of past Valentine’s days melted away at his kiss, until only the memory of him at your door remained.

Even when it hadn’t felt like it, love and hope had always been there. And now it was here promising lovelier days to come.