#that brings me joy and purpose like nothing else. so i just get extra upset if i'm gonna be doing too many things LMFAO

[moe-broey]

Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know

[kurutabaa]

Mistletoe Headcanons!

Including Akira/Ren, Ryuji, Ann, Haru, and Futaba!

MERRRY CHRISTMASSS~!

Or Hanukkah~!!!

I hope all of you had a good year and celebrate Christmas/Hanukkah this year. As a toast, I’ll happily write Mistletoe Headcanons for (Majority) of the Phantom Thieves! I really hope you can see the extra effort I tried to put into this, I hope you enjoy🎄🌸🌸

(This may have turned into kissing headcanons while writing, but it’s a win-win either way.)

Akira Kurusu

He is incredibly suave when it comes to kisses, so be prepared for your heart to absolutely melt because of him.

He normally wouldn’t care much about mistletoes, but with you? It’s a whole different story.

It doesn’t really matter wether or not you’re in public, he doesn’t care what other people think (To some extent) and will show his love for you anywhere you feel comfortable.

If his stats are maxed out, he will ABSOLUTELY ask you to dance.

“Would you like to dance, Treasure?”

As he interwines his hand with yours, he’ll gently spin you around and perfectly land you both under the mistletoe without missing a beat.

“Ah, it seems like we’re both under the mistletoe. Would you like to share a kiss~?”

He cups your face and presses a firm yet heartwarming kiss against your lips.

This was all in front of the Phantom Thieves, if you were wondering.

Buuuuuut never mind that! It depends if he’s feeling snarky or greedy that day, because he’ll either continue to pepper you with kisses as your face is beet red or just... Walks away, and the bastard absolutely knows you’ll come up to him wanting more.

“You’re being quite greedy, Treasure. Do you want me to shower you with some affection?”

If you’re both in his room relaxing, he’ll lean in reaaaaally close into your face and hang a mistletoe above the two of you. He likes to wait a few seconds before kissing you to see your reaction.

Making him flustered with a mistletoe usually depends on his mood! If you want to make him go weak in his knees, the best time to do it is when your initiating cuddling with him or whispering reassurance into his ear.

He’ll pull you back into the kiss, muttering sweet words as he pulls back for air.

“I love you, Treasure... I love you so much...”

“You’re the only thing I want this year...”

If you sneakily walk up to him and hang a mistletoe between you two, he’ll smirk and give you a teasing remark before giving you your well deserved kiss.

“You’re so cute, Y/N.”

The two of you can be caught off guard if Futaba randomly hangs a mistletoe above you two while chatting.

“Heeey, what are you two waiting for? Kiss, kiss!”

Akira silently cups your face with his hands and kisses you. Ah, what a charming young man~

Ryuji Sakamoto

He gets flustered just at the mention of a mistletoe. He also thinks the general idea is stupid.

“What’s the point of a mistletoe? Isn’t it just some weird thing to get people to kiss?”

But when it comes to you he reaaallly wants to score a kiss from you under the mistletoe.

Of course he wants to kiss you! But with everyone watching you two like that? Too embarrassing.

Which means you or one of the Phantom Thieves have to initiate it. Oh boy.

If you silently hold up a mistletoe above you two, he’ll stare at you confused until he looks up.

“W-What the heck are you doing with that thing?”

“I wanna kiss you, bonehead.”

“Jeez! If you wanna kiss me, you don’t have to use a stupid mistletoe.”

You found it adorable that he was so shy about kissing you, either because it was in public or that he was caught off guard. Either way, you enjoyed it~

He’s also very oblivious, you two can be standing under a mistletoe and he’ll just continue talking. In situations like that, you just have to kiss him without warning. It gives a cuter reaction, so it’s a win win!

If you keep nagging him with a mistletoe, he’ll slowly get used to it and take advantage of the fact he’ll get kisses~

“..Are you really not gonna stop bothering me with that thing?”

“Nope! Not until Christmas is over.”

“Alright, alright. Come here.”

His kisses are very cute but short! You gotta pull him back in for a longer kiss.

“Are you happy n- MMPH?!”

“Now I’m happy~”

He’s really cute when he gets upset if someone hangs a mistletoe above you two. He has a noticeable blush on his cheeks and he’ll try to avoid eye contact with you.

Who was the culprit? Futaba, of course. It’s always Futaba, heheh~

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Ryuji—“

“S-Shut up!”

After the holidays are over, he’s glad he won’t have to be pestered with a mistletoe. But he will miss the copious amounts of kisses he got from you.

Ann Takamaki

She’s confused about the concept of a mistletoe, but being a fan of romance, is totally down for it.

She’ll usually initiate to get you two under the mistletoe! Either by dragging you under one or casually lifting it up above your heads.

Since she doesn’t care wether or not people see you two being intimate, she’ll do it whenever the time calls.

You find it amusing at how smug and eager she acts whenever you’re under a mistletoe because of her.

“Oh wow, what a surprise! Looks like we’re under the mistletoe.”

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

On the other hand, she gets rather flustered if you initiate it. She’ll struggle a bit to look at you in the eye but will gladly kiss you back.

“A mistletoe..?”

“Come here, you dork.”

“Hey, can we do that one more time?”

She loves kissing you, so be prepared to be regulary swept under the mistletoe. The absolute joy on her face is so precious, please cherish her and she’ll do the same back!

If you’re both in private, she’ll be more intimate with you physically and verbally. Lingering kisses that last a few seconds longer, caressing eachothers cheeks, somber words in eachothers ears, she’s so cute~

“Mm, I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too.”

“I’m so lucky, you know that? If you weren’t mine, I’d want you for Christmas! Hehe!”

You can tell how much she adores you just from her kisses. Take good care of her!

She has a big smile on her face and giggles whenever you pull her back in for another kiss.

Ann enjoys to pepper you with kisses afterwards! She loves giving you affection and won’t be afraid to do so.

If you two are both surprised by a mistletoe, wether it be Akira or Futaba, she won’t have any shame and kiss you like usual.

“Ah?! You scared me! What are you doing with that?”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

Out of all of the Phantom Thieves, Akira and Ann have the best kisses.

Haru Okumura

Besides Futaba, she gets easily flustered by the thought of kissing you. But further into the relationship, she became more intimate and initiated kisses with you. Although she does still get a bit shy!

She’s such a hopeless romantic, so she would absolutely melt at the thought of you two kissing under a mistletoe!

She never knew how to bring it up to you, so she, shyly, hung a mistletoe between you two. Sometimes she’ll ask someone else to do it for her, but it’s rare.

“Oh, my. Would you look at that. I guess that means we should kiss, right?”

The shy smile she had on her face made your heart melt, to be honest.

And the way she leans in to kiss you?? It’s so adorable oh my god. Her face is so cute when she puckers her lips and closes her eyes!!

She’s a bit caught off guard when you do kiss her, even if she was expecting it. The quiet yelp makes you smile a bit.

If you two are in public, she’ll pull away after a few seconds and glance around shyly to see if anyone saw that. It’s not like she cares about her image, but someone seeing you two kiss makes her flustered.

But! In private she’s going to be a lot for intimate! She almost seems desperate at times. If you let go, she’ll immediately hug you and kiss you deeply again.

She likes feeling your body, so she’ll run her hands in your hair or caress your cheeks.

Her face is flushed when she pulls back, but she smiles at you and mutters a small “I love you.”

“You’re something money never could buy, dear.”

Being surprised with a mistletoe makes her weak in the knees. The lovesick look on her face can make any man or woman’s heart to ache.

“A mistletoe? Ah, that means..”

Haru always feels energized after you kiss her, so hearing her angelic laugh is usual.

“Hehehe! Thank you for the kiss, Y/N.”

Although she’s happy, she can’t stop feeling so flustered and embarrassed!! Haru usually has a big smile on her face while she embarrasingly covers her face with her hands.

Your heart is absolutely melted at this point, who wouldn’t want to pepper her with kisses and cuddle her afterwards??

Futaba Sakura

Although she enjoys pestering on other peoples love lifes, she has no idea what to do in her own. Heck, she’d never even knew she’d be dating someone as amazing as you. (She loves you a lot by the way, she’s just too shy to say it..)

She totally loves the idea of kissing under a mistletoe, shes seen it in anime all the time. It wouldn’t be too hard, right? Thanks to her being easily embarrassed, she’d be weong.

No way is she going to initiate it, so she’s counting on you to do it for her!

Fourtunatley, she’s easy to read. You can see her staring at the mistletoe nearby or her face flushing whenever she spots a couple kiss under it.

“Eh? What are you doing?”

“You’ll see~”

She immediately notices your dragging her ot the mistletoe and she becomes a stuttering, blushy mess.

“W-W-Wait!! Hold on! I’m not ready! W-What if I mess up and—“

“Shhhh, It’s just a kiss, dork.”

She’ll calm down if you hold her close and caress her cheeks. She always feels so calm when you give her affection.

Futaba still feels extremely embarrassed, but leans in and expects you to close the gap. It’s your choice wether you want to kiss her hard to surprise her or give her a gentle kiss.

You can almost feel her body trembling when your lips both touch. Not that she’s anxious, but oh my goodness she loves you so much that she doesn’t know how to deal with it. Anything you do to her that can be taken romantically makes her knees wobble and her cheeks flush red.

If you’re a bit taller than Futaba, you find it adorable when she leans up on her tippy toes to kiss you.

Futaba still feels embarrassed when you pull back, but loosens up immediately. Returning back to her childish attitude.

“W-Wow! That felt amazing, I-It was like I was the protagonist of a romance anime..”

“Hey, c-can we maybe do that one more time..?”

She had the dumbest smile on her face, totally lovestruck. If Akira saw her like this, she’d know she would be in for a lot of teasing. Touche.

Although she’s still flustered, she regains her fun personality and sometimes hangs up a mistletoe between you two in a teasing manner.

She expects that this time you’ll be embarrassed and she can get some sort of payback for making her so embarrassed, but it’s up to you on how you’ll react.

Futaba is still flustered even in private, but the intimacy in the kiss is very noticeable.

Dear god, start french kissing her and she’ll probably pass out. If you want to be a big tease to her, suddenly deepen the kiss and french kiss her.

She wakes up from her shock pretty fast, and begins punching you in the chest while scolding you.

“W-W-What was that for?! D-Did you really have to do that?!”

She’d rather be dead then admit this, but she liked it a lot when you did that~

Dies from embarrassment if Akira hangs a mistletoe above the both of you. She loathes that shit eating grin he has on his face, must’ve been payback for all the times shes teased him about his flowy pants.

“A-A m-mistletoe?!”

“What a coincidence, you and Y/N are both underneath it.”

“Don’t act so innocent, Akira!”

You had to chuckle at that, who wouldn’t? Besides, getting to see an upset Futaba was adorable.

As she argues with Akira, this is the perfect chance to catch her off guard and kiss her. You’ll have to thank Akira for this later.

“A-Ah.. Wait, I shouldn’t be grateful! Don’t do that again, Akira!”

As flustered she can get, she adores your kisses and would suffer through anything to get them~

Dec 25 - Happy Holidays from Susumu 🌸

[puddingheads]

Eternity || Nishinoya Yuu.

In which the small things stay with you, forever.

Warnings: Fluff with slight angst, post time skip spoilers

Word count: ~2.4k

Note: I'm finally writing a fluff fic, but I can't seem to tear myself away from angst. It's extremely minimal here though, and there's a good ending! Special thanks to @rollinguuuthunda for inspiring me to write this (since you rEFUSE to read my angst fics >:()!! And yes, I’m bullying Noya in the summary since he’s shorter than me.

—

i.

“Nishinoya, you got hurt again?” You nagged, firmly tugging at his arms to reveal the bruises littered on his skin. They were big and angry and purple; just the sight of them was enough to make you wince.

“They don’t hurt at all, they’re battle scars!” Nishinoya, ever so cheerful and optimistic, beamed brightly at you. In the two years of knowing him, you’d never seen him bothered by the countless injuries his position inflicted on him.

“Sit down,” settling on the floor cross legged, you patiently waited for him to heed your words. There was no room for disagreement, Nishinoya knew perfectly well that you took his well being very seriously.

He never really understood why, though. He never knew why you would grimace at the new bruises on his arms, or force him into his jacket after every match, or ask if he’d eaten his lunch every time you bumped into him in the halls. (Also, he never noticed how you always coincidentally had a protein bar with you when he would say no.)

“They really don’t hurt, I’m fine!” Nishinoya said, but still sat down despite the reluctance in his voice. Why did you always have ointment in your bag anyway? Compared to him, you barely ever got hurt.

“They will if the ball keeps hitting them,” You retort, huffing quietly while you rubbed the ointment onto the purple spots on his arm. “Stop resisting.”

For the first time, he decided to take notice of your knitted brows and slight pout. Why did you seem so upset? You weren’t the one getting hurt, he’d already assured you that he was fine, and you didn’t have to care so much about him. The subtle look of concern everyone else gave was already more than enough, why did you have to go the extra mile?

And for the first time, the dots in his head started to connect. Maybe, you were worried for him. Maybe, you hated to see him injured as much as he hated to see you frown. Maybe, you liked him as much as he liked you.

“Thanks,” Nishinoya mumbled, all his usual confidence replaced by demureness.

“You’re welcome,” your voice was as soothing as ever, the immense concentration in your eyes stirring something in his chest.

At that moment, everything disappeared. The ache in his thighs, the leftover adrenaline in his veins, the thumping of his heart; everything was drowned out by the featherlight touch of your fingers on his skin.

At that moment, the weight of his arm limp in your hand and the coolness of the ointment on your fingertips told of the trust he had in you. In the warmth of his skin against yours, you felt his new vow—”I’ll take better care of myself to not worry you.”

And at that moment, all he could feel was your fingers rubbing comforting circles on his arm and your silent plea—”I don’t want you to hurt, ever.”

ii.

After days and weeks and months of the push and pull game you had engaged Nishinoya in, he finally scored a date with you. It was in the middle of summer when you agreed to meet him at the park, where the summer festival was held.

Coincidentally, it was the day of the Star Festival, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was all on purpose. Only Nishinoya would choose such a day, the only day Vega and Altair were allowed to meet, to be the day of your first date. (Well, if it was on purpose, you sure hoped that you’ll still see him the next day. You didn’t want the first date to be the last, after all.)

“Noya, you’re late,” you chastised, watching him jog over to you with a huge smile plastered on his face.

“Sorry,” he laughed, tugging you along to the stands. Immediately, you were swept up by his antics and found yourself having a blast. It was just like him to easily infect you with joy and laughter, just like him to make you forget all your worries.

Spending time with him always felt like a magic carpet ride, bringing you to new places you never knew existed and making you feel emotions you never knew you could feel. It was intoxicating, and soon you found yourself drunk off the dream-like atmosphere.

After hanging your slip of paper with your wish on the wish tree, you turned to Nishinoya. For a second, it felt like a scene from one of your many dreams was playing right before your eyes. His hands firmly pressed together in a fervent prayer for his wish to come true, his brows knitted in the concentration you only ever saw when he was on the court, his lips pursed in unspoken yearning.

Silently, you wondered what he was wishing so desperately for. What more could he ask for, if he already had everything? What could the wish tree bring that he couldn’t attain with his effort?

(He wanted a lot of things, and all of them were related to you.)

His eyes instantly met yours when they finally opened. As if his wish had already been granted, a brilliant smile spread across his face. He fidgeted a little, hands searching himself for an almost-forgotten gift.

“For you,” he beamed, holding out a single forget-me-not. Some of its petals had already fallen from being jostled around throughout the evening, yet it still stood tall and proud, all its yellow and blue on display.

Taking it graciously, you could barely find the words to express the loud drumming of your heart in your chest. Before you could embarrass yourself with a haphazard word of thanks, a gust of wind blew.

The swaying strips of paper on the tree behind Nishinoya painted a meteor shower around his silhouette, adorning his already ethereal form with an otherworldly halo. Along with the wind was the smell of your shampoo, and almost as if he were one of Pavlov’s dogs, his heart instantly started racing and the tension in his shoulders dissipated.

In the wind was you, and in his lungs was the final push for him to fall down the rabbit hole. In the familiar scent of you was your wordless gratitude—”You give me a reason to smile.”

And in the wind was him, and held tight in your hands was the embodiment of his adoration. Under the full moon and colourful lights of the festival, no words were needed. In the sweet scent of the forget-me-not was his shy confession—”You make my heart pound, yet put me at so much ease.”

iii.

“I’m home,” you called out just as you stepped into your apartment and met Nishinoya’s eyes. Instantly, you recognised the nervous glint in his eyes, one you only saw when he broke something after getting carried away with Tanaka. “What did you do now, Yuu?”

“It’s nothing bad!” He was quick to defend himself, even quicker to unload the bags from your tired arms. Ever since you started officially dating Nishinoya, him being in your house on the weekends became a common occurrence.

Following him into your usually pristine kitchen, shock smacked you over the top of your head and sent you stumbling. It was a disaster zone, the counters littered with broken eggs and flour, and a mountain of dirty bowls in the sink. The oven dinged, bringing your attention to a suspicious mound inside.

“Were you baking?” You frowned, examining the crinkled top of the cake.

“Well, it’s our anniversary, and you like cake,” Nishinoya mumbled, pointedly staring at his creation. It wasn’t that bad, but it definitely made you hesitate to have a taste. “It’s your favourite kind, I’m sure you’ll like it!”

In his childlike confidence, you found yourself sighing in defeat. There was no way you could refuse when he was looking at you with so much hope in his eyes.

“Looks like we have two cakes to eat then,” you smiled fondly at him, pulling out a small box from one of the bags you brought home. “I got a slice from the bakery down the street.”

“We must be telepathic!” He exclaimed, excitedly unboxing the store bought slice and setting it next to his home baked one. The stark difference in appearance and his unabashed pride in his cake was hilarious yet endearing.

Deciding not to judge a book by its cover, you coaxed yourself to taste a fallen piece from the fruit of Nishinoya’s labour. Simultaneously, Nishinoya took a bite of the cake you had bought.

In the sweetness of the frosting and the fluffiness of the sponge cake, all Nishinoya could taste was your bashful devotion—”I only want the best for you.”

And in the saltiness of the crumbly cake(he must’ve gotten the salt and sugar mixed up again), all you could taste was his bold resolve—”I’ll do anything for you.”

iv.

“I want to travel the world.” Your fingers that were deftly twirling his hair came to a stop at Nishinoya’s sudden declaration.

“Do you have the money to go?” You asked, mind starting to wander. You’d always known that Nishinoya was a bird meant to fly, always known that Japan was unable to contain his huge dreams, always known that he would jump at any opportunity to explore the unknown. Yet, hearing it outright caught you off guard and got you worrying.

He was still young, still inexperienced, still naive. You saw these as reasons he should stay, he saw them as reasons he should go; for you were careful and he was carefree.

“I have a plan.” He replied, resolution strong in his voice. The confidence he usually emitted was now unable to reassure you, unable to drive away the darkness called unease from your heart.

“How long will you be gone?” With all your being, you wished that he would laugh and tell you it was a joke, like he always did.

“As long as it takes,” shrugging, he shifted to meet your eyes. In the intensity of his gaze, you knew he wasn’t joking. He was dead serious about it, and nothing you said would make him stay.

It wasn’t the first time you heard about his dream of travelling the world and experiencing everything he could, it wasn’t the first time you felt this helpless, and it definitely wasn’t the first time you feared his departure.

Somewhere deep in your heart was fear—a lot of fear. You were afraid of holding him back, afraid of watching him leave and never return, afraid of being away from him. But the day when you had to stop running away from the fear was bound to come; it was inescapable.

“I’m not breaking up with you, of course,” as if he could hear your fears, he continued. “We’ll keep in contact. We may be physically apart, but I’ll never leave. We’re in this together, aren’t we?”

“We are.” You said, mustering all the conviction you could find. Whether it was to convince him or to convince yourself, you weren’t sure.

It took weeks of preparation and arrangements before Nishinoya was able to fly off. You had contemplated if you should send him off, since you were sure to break down in tears once he stepped through the departure gates, but decided to go to the airport anyway. All for seeing him just a little more.

“Wait for me, yeah?” Nishinoya muttered, face buried in your neck as he pulled you in a tight embrace. You hoped the strength in his grip wasn’t due to a hesitance at the last minute.

“I don’t know how I’ll do it without you,” you confessed, not realising the arrows your words pierced through his heart.

In your shaky voice and shallow breaths, he heard your reluctant promise—”No matter how long it takes, I’ll always be right there waiting for you.”

And in his rare moment of silence, you heard his wholehearted oath—”No matter how far I go, I’ll always come back to you.”

v.

Years had passed, both Nishinoya and you had grown more mature, more accustomed to only seeing each other once a year, more familiar with loneliness. But now, Nishinoya’s desire to explore has been satiated, and his journey around the globe has come to an end. He was back.

“Yuu!” The elation in your voice easily drowned out his calling of your name, earning a few glances from the passersby in the airport.

Cupping his cheeks in your hands and resting your forehead against his, you closed your eyes and let out a content sigh. He immediately mirrored you, basking in your presence.

“I’m home,” Nishinoya whispered, pulling away.

“You’re home.” You reciprocated, taking all of him in. He was a little tanner than the previous time you saw him, his eyes a little brighter.

For the first time since you last saw him, everything felt right. With him back, a monotony you never noticed was relieved. With you back, a stability he had forgotten was restored. Being back together brought back memories of the past and gave hope for the future. To be a tad dramatic, you never felt quite as alive when he wasn’t by your side.

Just like the love stories and romance movies, everything around the both of you faded to nothingness. For a split second, it was just the two of you in the entire universe. For that split second, nothing else mattered, since you were with Nishinoya, and he wasn’t going anywhere else.

And in that split second, he decided that it was now or never.

Taking a step away, he fumbled for something in his pocket. As he sunk to one knee, realisation settled in your mind. Oh, oh.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Nishinoya declared, eyes glazed over and smile full of anticipation.

In the glittering diamond seated atop the silver band he held up, you saw his wish hung upon the wish tree—

And in the glimmering tears streaming down your cheeks as you nodded your head yes, he saw your wish hung upon the wish tree—

“Stay with me, forever.”

—

[kessielrg]

[Dragon Age] Oreos

Summary: In which Varric teaches his kid the proper way to dunk an Oreo. Hawke is there to be an as-…sistant. [oneshot][female humorous Hawke][modern AU]

Rating: K+

Word Count: 1,971 words

If you liked this story, please reblog!

---

“Now where did I put them?” Varric mumbled to himself as he looked through the pantry. He cursed to himself when he tried to reach a bit higher up. Curse the Maker for making him vertically challenged. Had to use a stool in his own home and still couldn’t reach the top shelf. Go figure.

“Got it!” the dwarf exclaimed as his hand got a firm hold of the plastic packaging. After a very careful extraction, Varric held the Oreo package close as he then moved the stool to its rightful corner. He placed the Oreos on a serving tray he had arranged on the kitchen counter. Humming some Kidz Bop song he heard earlier, he then went into the fridge to pull out the milk.

As he poured the milk into three glasses, Varric kept an ear out for the living room. The sounds of a young voice were easy to make out, but was she talking to someone else or just herself again? As he put the milk back in the fridge, Varric really wished that Hawke kept her medicine in the kitchen instead of the bathroom. The last time he checked, her prescription needed to be filled again, and Hawke had yet to do so. It worried him. It worried him a lot more than he was willing to admit.

Varric let out a sigh before taking the tray and heading into the living room. Varric had his own kid to tend to, and it wasn’t Hawke. Still didn’t stop him from letting out a sigh of relief in seeing both Hawke and Hana sitting at the living room coffee table. He wouldn’t have to force her out of bed today. Good. Not that the promise of deliciously nasty cookies was anything to ignore. Hawke was a sucker for sweets whether she was aware of it or not.

Hana seemed rather chipper though. Actively serving as the only genuine energy in the room, Varric’s daughter had her straw yellow hair pulled into two low pigtails today. She was gladly going on about some topic that Hawke couldn’t feign actual interest in. Was she going on about how pretty Selena Gomez was again, or that game that her birth giver introduced her to a few weeks back? Oh well, it didn’t matter now. Now that Varric had gotten everything ready, it was time for the main event.

“We have gathered here today for a very momentous occasion.” Varric announced, striding over to the girls and effectively earning their attention. “Today is the day that we teach 7 year old Hana Tethras how to properly dunk, and eat, Oreos.”

Hana put on a wide smile. Hawke even gave a rather generous round of applause. She even peppered it with a few “That’s our girl!” and “She’s getting so big!” cheers for extra effect. It only helped the younger girl beam with pride. Even Varric gave a light smirk of appreciation.

“Now teenybopper,” he said as he took a place across from the girls, placing the tray right in the middle of the coffee table. “How do you feel? You nervous? Already got a preemptive tummy ache from all the sugar your old man is going to let you consume?”

“Nope!” Hana told him with a firm shake of her head. She then slammed her hands down with determination before saying, “Bring it, Papa!”

“Rein it back kid,” Varric laughed, “Don’t want to get the milk all over the coffee table, do we?”

“Sorry.” Hana sheepishly apologized. She carefully took her milk glass from her father and placed it to her left. She even gave it a good, hard stare, as if she was pressuring it into not falling over later. Varric snorted before handing Hawke her glass as well, then went about divvying up the cookies.

“Ah, Oreos,” Hawke thinly mused as Varric gave her share. “The only cure for my depression.”

He tried to hold it back, Varric scoffed. “They are not. That’s what your medication is for.”

“Well, you don’t have to act so sure about it,” Hawke frowned. “Give me my delusions and plausible deniability, Varric. It’s all I got in this world.”

“You have me Hawke!” Hana quickly chirped. “And Papa too!”

Hawke gave Hana a rather tired look, not quite intended for the child to see. The woman absently placed a hand on Hana’s head. She then gently stroked the top of Hana’s head as if it were a calming mechanism. Maybe it was; something about little Hana did give off a rather comforting aura. But Hawke would be damned if she knew just what it was.

“I do.” Hawke carefully agreed- although the sentence came out more as a question. Seeing Hana’s bright smile only made Hawke a bit more dazed. Varric looked on with a rather concerned expression on his face. He gently coughed into his hand, leading the ladies’ attention back to him.

“Now, for your first proper lesson, I’ve decided to go the easy route. I’m not training my young’in with the normal Oreos- that would be an exercise and a half not to break them. No, we’re going to use double stuffed Oreos. The best kind.”

“Naw, what about the triple stuffed Oreos, Varric?” Hawke whined. “Why can’t we use them instead?”

“Too much stuff.” came the rather firm answer. “I am a man of correcting my previous mistakes, and I’m not taking that road again.”

Hawke gave a badly exaggerated groan before telling him, “Having a kid really ruined your sense of fun.”

“No,” the man asserted. “Having a kid gave me a greater sense of avoiding 3 AM puke fests because someone decided to eat too much cookie cream.”

“It was one time!” Hawke argued, despite the rather amused look she had- Hana was stifling a cute little laughter beside her. “Everyone was black-out drunk anyway, and it was the perfect prank.”

“I don’t think Sebastian would say the same.”

“Since when were you ever one for accurate reaccountments, hmm?”

“You know he’s a dunker, Hawke. It gives him a sense of purpose.”

“Was he? Always seemed more like a licker.”

“Anyway…!” Varric then loudly proclaimed. “We’re getting off topic.”

Hawke and Hana exchanged a look before erupting into a set of bemused giggles. Varric rolled his eyes. Surround yourself with girls, they said. It would be a joy, they said. At least one of them was directly related to him- he wasn’t sure why he kept the other around.

“Now that I have your attention again,” Varric told them, “Let us first begin by picking up the Oreo itself…”

. . .

In a way, this whole thing was just so Varric could easily say seven year olds had the fine motor movement to carefully manipulate something as delicate as Oreo cookies. Always write what you know, yeah? It was a bit hard to believe that his own spawn actually stuck her tongue out when she was concentrating. She definitely didn’t get that from his side of the family. If anything, it was something he could see Hawke doing…

“I finally got it!” Hana suddenly exclaimed. Varric and Hawke both looked at her at the same time. The girl was proudly showing her two Oreo halves. One side had just the cream, the other was completely clean.

“Great job, teenybopper!” Varric approved. “Hawke, lean over and muss her hair for me. I can’t reach.”

Hawke nodded, but didn’t mess up Hana’s hair. Instead, she gave her a small elbow nudge and said, “Great job, teeny. Now we can audition you for all those Oreo commercials. You’d be a shoo-in.”

Hana’s smile grew even wider at the approval. Oh, to be young and easily proud of your (usually useless) accomplishments.

“Remember to only use your teeth to scrape the cream off if your tongue can’t find a good pocket beforehand.” Varric reminded his kid. Hana gave him a firm nod before returning to the cookie. He gave her a smile as he returned to his own lot as well.

Hawke had also returned to her Oreo dunking. After two cookies, she no longer felt like licking the cream off before dunking, so she just let the Oreo soak for a few moments. It was almost a routine that she zoned out for. Dip the Oreo, wait a bit, then eat it. Nothing to think about. It was a legitimate surprise when half the Oreo fell into the milk as she tried to pull it out. She blinked a few times before looking up at Varric.

“Varrrric,” Hawke whined, “Cookies got lost in milk!”

“That’s because you tried to dunk too much of the Oreo in the milk.” he replied without so much looking at her. “Then you pinched it as you pulled it up, and all your mushy cookie got lost.”

“But I didn’t pinch it!” she went on. A small edge in her voice made Varric look up. For a moment, he wondered if she was legitimately upset about it. “I only had half of it in the milk- you saw it! Tell ‘im, Hana.”

“You’re so funny, Hawke!” Hana laughed. The poor girl obviously not seeing that Hawke wasn’t quite being dramatic on purpose this time. Not that Varric could blame her- he’d bottle that innocence up and repackage it back into Hawke herself if he could.

“A real barrel of monkeys.” Varric mused. He gave a small click of his tongue before asking, “Hawke, did you take your meds today?”

Hawke proceeded to look at him like he was crazy. The dwarf was unrelenting, though. He had full plans of staring her down until Hana interrupted all of their thoughts with a musing;

“What do they make Oreo filling with anyway?”

A silence followed after this. Mostly because Varric didn’t want to stop nonverbally bullying Hawke into confessing she wasn’t taking care of herself again. He had to relent, letting out a defeated sigh before telling Hana, “Dunno, teenybopper. We can look it up later if you want.”

Hana gave a thoughtful hum and a little nod of her head, her attention too focused on staring at the Oreos now. Varric shook his head at her, before trying turning his attention back to Hawke. But Hawke had left the coffee table. She had slunk her way onto the couch, and was now actively trying to find the TV remote. That meant in a few minutes, Hawke would find something on TV that interested Hana, and the Oreo eating portion of their day officially over.

And Varric would be the one cleaning up the mess, because of course he would.

Varric let out a sigh before starting to get up. He made a trip to the kitchen to get a note off the fridge, then went back into the living room and straight to Hawke.

“The pharmacy closes in six hours,” he told her as he handed the note over, “Call them, or I’ll sit on you.”

Hawke looked at him, not sure whether to be amused or angered.

“Having a kid really ruined your sense of privacy.” she said, almost in a grumble

“No,” he told her. “Having a kid gave me a greater sense of caring for others. I’m not asking you twice, Hawke. Call them.”

The corners of Hawke’s mouth twitched as if she wanted to tell him off. He never gave her the chance. Instead, he sat back over with Hana, and quite purposely started to make conversation with her. The girl was rather ignorant of the friction between the two friends. In a way, Varric was grateful for it. She’d know and understand it better when she was older. But for now ignorance was bliss.

He just prayed that every force used to beat Hawke down never reached his own kid.

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, phoenixstar73!

For @phoenixstar73. Happiest of Holiday’s! May the magic of Santa fill your heart with joy!

Read On AO3

*****

You have been a good boy, Alexander

Alicante was still, silent; you could almost hear the snow falling. Alec was drowsy, sated, and so very content, wrapped in Magnus’s embrace. He blinked sleepy eyes at the snow drifting outside their bedroom window, the flakes sparkled extra bright, catching the twinkling lights of the huge decorated tree in Alicante’s square. The Christina’s tree, standing over 16 feet tall, was a first for Alicante. Never before had Shadowhunters celebrated the mundane holiday Christmas, let alone have a giant tree in its capital, but this was just one more change Magnus had brought to the Shadowhunters.

Alec thought of no better way to drift off to sleep, wrapped in his husbands strong arms, content after an evening watching the small Shadowhunters awe at the tree lighting earlier, sated after making love with his Warlock for hours before rest claimed them. Alec knew he would have pleasant dreams this night.

Magnus’ sleepy question brought him back from the edge of rest though. “Did you ever believe in Christmas, Alexander?”

“Once, when I was very little, I did believe.” Alec’s mind wondered, back, to the day he first came to understand what the mundane in the city were celebrating.

Alec hadn’t wanted to be dragged along to the city with Robert, but with everyone else busy running missions, and Maryse in Idris, no one else was available to four-year-old Alec. So, he sat alone right across from where his father was meeting with some informant,  perched on a cold bench right across from a huge tree decorated with multi-colored lights. Alec frowned, he wasn’t sure what the tree was or its purpose, maybe his father knew? On the next bench over, a mundane mother and son were trying on ice skates, Alec listened to their conversation. He didn’t really understand much of it, something about the best Christmas ever, best tree so far, and how the boy couldn’t wait for someone named Santa to come.

He was even more confused than before, Santa? Christmas? Unbeknownst to him, another member of the Shadowworld was looking upon his little somewhat fierce frown with a great deal of amusement; Magnus chuckled at the small scowling Shadowhunter. Taking a seat on the bench, Magnus made sure there was a safe distance between them, you could ever know how Shadowhunters would react to the presence of Warlocks, Magnus didn’t want to scare the little one off.

“You look confused.” He offered up, pasting what he hoped was an innocent non-threatening smile on his face.

The small Shadowhunter eyed Magnus suspiciously, frown not letting up even a little. After observing Magnus, in all his sparkling glory, he must have concluded that Magnus was harmless, because he gestured at the tree. “I don’t get it? What’s the big tree for?”

Magnus looked at the annual Christmas tree, lit up in Rockefeller Center, a normal sight this time of year. “What the Christmas tree?”

Alec’s little glower became fiercer. “Yes, what’s a Christmas tree?”

Magnus sighed once more saddened by the closeted world the Shadowhunters lived in, and the small bubble they kept their young in. What could it possibly hurt for the little ones to experience Christmas? Not everything mundane was bad. He couldn’t understand the Shadowhunters disdaine of Christmas they believed in and were related to Angels for goodness sake! On top of Christmas trees Angels sat, there were Angel’s mentioned in song, Angel shaped cookies, they were everywhere around this time of year. How in the world Shadowhunters, Nephilim that means Angel blood, could ignore the holiday confounds Magnus, typical shortsighted Shadowhunters, he scoffed.

Softening his internal outrage, Magnus turned back to the young Shadowhunter beside him. “Well, Christmas for some mundanes is a religious celebration, and for some it’s an old, though not as old as me, Pagan holiday.” Magnus seeing the deepening frown and look of confusion on the young Shadowhunter’s face, chuckled. “But for mundane children it’s a time of magic, when Santa visits them bringing gifts. It’s a time for wonder for children around the world.”

The look of confusion on Alec’s face didn’t lessen at all with Magnus’ explanation. “Who’s this Santa?” He asked.

Magnus grinned, resisting the urge to ruffle the little one’s hair. “Well now that’s the age-old question that no one has been able to answer! All anyone knows is that Santa visits every good boy and girl on Christmas Eve and leaves gifts for them to open and enjoy on Christmas morning.”

Like children had forever asked around the world, his next question left adult Magnus stumped on how to answer.

“But I’ve been good and this Santa has never left me any gifts, how come?” Alec asked.

Magnus scrambled for an acceptable response, he couldn’t just blurt out that the reason Santa never visited the Shadowhunter children was because all the adult Shadowhunters were sticks in the mud and scoffed at anything mundane, even something as harmless as Christmas. Inspiration struck! “Well I’m not in constant contact with the old guy, but I have heard that Santa has tried very hard to deliver gifts to you, but the wards at the institute keep him out!”

Alec looked upset and his little face tugged at Magnus’ heartstrings, he started to say something else but a stern voice stopped any further response.

“Alec, come here!” Robert’s voice rang out, the man frowning at Magnus and gesturing to Alec with an impatient hand. Alec turned to look at Magnus, his eyes still unhappy. “Thanks mister,” he said before rising and rushing towards his father.

Lightwood grabbed his son’s little arm roughly in Magnus’ opinion, scolding the boy as he led him away. “Alec! What have I told you about talking to strangers and strange people! You are being very bad!”

Magnus smirked at Robert, watching as the little Shadowhunter was rushed away from the big bad Warlock. A Lightwood, Magnus thought, figures that the stuck-up Lightwoods would ignore an opportunity to make their children happy and turn their noses up at a mundane tradition. So, his little curious Shadowhunter was Alec Lightwood, heir to the New York Institute, Magnus’ mischievous streak stirred, he had a wonderful idea! Robert and Maryse had been bugging him to come and update the wards at the institute ever since he returned to New York. He could totally see himself in the role as Santa foiling two green Lightwood Grinch’s efforts to steal Christmas!

Magnus was prepared for the next time a Lightwood called him not asking, but ordering him to present himself to the Institute to check the wards. Smirking, he listened as Maryse’s tone superior, became even more offensive to his ears when he informed her the earliest he could be there was December 24th and late in the day at that. Wasn’t much the stick up her ass woman could do though, Magnus was the best bet in town and he knew it, so after a long pause in which Magnus was supposed to concede, but remained silent, finally with a huff she agreed.

He had done his research, finding out who his curious little Shadowhunter was. Alexander Gideon Lightwood, six-year-old son of Maryse and Robert Lightwood, raised at the New York Institute and already talked about as the bright light of the future of the Institute. He had a two-year-old little sister, named Isabelle and nothing could be found about his likes only that he studied hard. Alexander was a cute little Shadowhunter, black messy hair, bright hazel eyes, and a seldom seen smile.

By the time Christmas Eve rolled around, Magnus was prepared. He ignored the rude greeting, the stares filled with disdain, the suspicious footsteps that dogged his own, dragging out the survey of the wards for hours! Finally, with a look of total disgust, Maryse informed him she had better more important things to do than to escort Magnus around, and to hurry up and finish then kindly shove off and leave her institute. Magnus hadn’t seen a sign of any Shadowhunter children during his visit, no doubt they were being kept away from the disgusting Warlock, no way the little precious Shadowhunters could be allowed around a dirty Downworlder!

It was late, only the night shift of Shadowhunters left in the control room of the Institute; Magnus set his plan in motion. He crept along the shadowed dark halls of the Institute, sticking close to the walls and alcoves. Magnus stopped outside the room young Alec slept in, spreading his fingers across the wall, Magnus opened up a small viewing window. As expected the little boy’s room was Spartan, almost militaristic in its starkness. There was no décor, no toys or books nothing to indicate that a child slept there. Magnus felt his ire rise at the adult Shadowhunters, this was no way for children to be raised and said much about what was wrong with the whole Nephilim society!

A quick flick of his fingers, a tiny sparkle of magic, and success! Now he could leave this dismal place and enjoy a well-deserved cocktail or two. He did wish he could see little Alexander’s face in the morning, imagining bringing a smile to that solemn little face, bringing a smile to his own lips. He gave a moment of consideration of the Lightwood’s reactions to Santa visiting their precious heir, but that was only a secondary thought, the thing that filled him with that certain Christmas joy was the wonder that would light up young Alexander’s eyes, he hoped his message also brought some happiness to the lonely little Shadowhunter. Magnus strolled out of the Institute not bothering to say anything to the robots still working. He did slightly alter the time the monitors recorded him leaving; it wouldn’t do for Maryse or Robert to connect him to Santa after all.

Alec stirred, blinking open eyes at the dim sunshine shining through the winter skies, and he could see snowflakes drifting past his window. Stretching his limbs, Alec’s foot hit something hard at the end of his bed. Shifting upright, he could only blink at the brightly wrapped package. The red shiny paper and big gold bow a sight so unheard of that he didn’t know what to make of it. Then he remembered! Today was Christmas! Scrambling out from under his covers, Alec reached for the package, it was heavier than he expected, and the sides of a card stuck out over the package. Sitting that aside, Alec gave no thought to preserving the beautiful wrapping but like eager children everywhere, tore into it. Box, paper, and bow went over the side of the bed to land on the floor and with awe filled eyes.

Alec carefully picked up the gift that was inside. The base was so wide it overfilled Alec’s small hands, and so ornate, heavy with golden cherubs. The round glass ball atop the base was filled with what he immediately recognized as the huge tree he had seen just a few weeks ago. He also recognized the skyline of the city, and the little figures skating around on a small ice ring. When his little hands shifted the snow globe, little white flakes began dancing around the sparkling tree and coating the buildings and little people. It was magic! Just as the man had said, Santa brought magic!

Only wanting to share his joy as children do, Alec gave no thought to proper clothes or even shoes, but carefully cradling the heavy gift, he ran as fast as he could to share his gift with his parents. That was Alec’s mistake. Being woken up by excited children on Christmas morning was also a new and unwelcome experience for Maryse and Robert. Thinking some attack was happening they both bolted up at Alec’s slamming into their room excitedly shouting, ‘Mom, Dad! Look what Santa brought me!’

“Alec! What do you think you are doing?” demanded Maryse.

Alec came to a sudden stop at the foot of their bed, blinking in shame; his lips trembled as he tentatively held out the snow globe for her to see. “Santa came, see,” he stammered.

Maryse’s face froze and her eyes narrowed. Voice almost hissing in displeasure, she spat. “Where by the Angels did you hear such nonsense? Shadowhunters do not subscribe to such mundane stupid traditions! Give me that, where did you even get that thing?”

Alec desperately clutched his present, but at the snap of Maryse’s fingers and impatient waving of her hand, he reluctantly handed over the globe. He blinked rapidly, trying to stem the tears, he knew she hated when he cried, he was to be a big boy and not show his emotions so easily she preached. “Santa brought it for me, he left it on my bed.” Alec couldn’t control the sob he let out as Maryse took the gift from him, and wrapped his arms around himself as she hid it from Alec’s view. “I-I’ve been good this year, Santa says so.” He sobbed.

“That is completely ridiculous!” She spat. “Return to your room immediately, we will discuss your punishment after you are properly attired.” Robert said nothing only pointing his finger out the room as Alec stood there in tears.

With a cry, Alec fled. He threw himself across his bed, letting his tears soak into the blankets. He kept waiting for maybe his door to reopen, and waiting to see if his parents followed him at all, waiting in vain for maybe the return of his Christmas present, but it did not happen. He sat up, swiping his pajama sleeve across his nose, his eyes falling on the card still lying at the foot of his bed. Picking it up, Alec opened the envelope and pulled out the Christmas card. ‘To Alexander,’ it read. ‘You have been a very good boy this year! Merry Christmas,’ it was signed Santa Clause. Alec clutched the card tightly and fresh tears spilled from his eyes, he was a good boy, he knew it! Santa said so!

Alec learned quickly as he grew, he learned to hide his Christmas presents from Santa, to bury away his Christmas morning joy, not to share with anyone, his sister, even later on his Parabati, Jace. He had a secret spot for his gifts and only took them out to enjoy in privacy. Santa somehow kept visiting him every year, kept reassuring him despite his parents’ criticism that only got harsher and more frequent the older that he got, he could say to himself, he was a good boy, Santa said so. The gifts came every year no matter how much older he got, every year somehow except for the year it went with a mundane girl to exchange a locket for information. Santa didn’t visit that year, but Alec’s thoughts were filled with another type of magical being, a Warlock named Magnus Bane. When Alec and Magnus moved to Alicante, those gifts came with Alec, all except for one little snow globe, that Alec never saw again.

Alec groaned as he awoke and rolled over, his muscles ached in the most delicious way, always did after a Magnus work out. His hand slid lazily across the bed, seeking out a familiar warmth, only to encounter empty cold sheets instead of warm silky skin. With a pout he would deny and a frown, he sat up looking around the empty bedroom with displeasure. “Magnus?” He called out, getting nothing but silence in reply. Huffing with annoyance, Alec reluctantly left his warm bed and headed to find his wayward husband. Shuffling and letting out a huge yawn, Alec stumbled his way out into their living room. “Hey,” he mumbled, seeing Magnus bent over busy under their Christmas tree, something Magnus had suggested, prepared to fight for, but Alec gave in with no argument at all.

Magnus turned around with a warm smile. “Good Morning, Alexander, and Merry Christmas.”

Crossing swiftly, Alec gave a warm smile of his own before kissing Magnus deeply. Pulling away slowly, he whispered his own good morning and merry Christmas. He had to laugh a little as Magnus bounced away with more energy than he normally displayed this early in the morning, his Warlock’s eyes sparkling just more brightly than normal. He turned around gesturing to the tree, “sit here Alexander,” and when Alec moved too slowly for his excited spouse; Magnus grasped his arms and gently encouraged him to sit on the floor in front of their tree. Once Alec sat down to Magnus’ liking, he was rewarded with a warm cup of coffee, before Magnus sat down in front of him. They enjoyed their coffee in silence for a few minutes, just the tree lights blinking around them.

Magnus took Alec’s now empty cup and sitting both of them aside, rubbed his hands together in excitement. “Now for the fun stuff,” he said, reaching under the tree and thrusting a present into Alec’s lap.

Alec laughed himself as he returned the favor, reaching under the tree for a present of his own for Magnus. “Here, open at the same time?” He asked. At Magnus’s nod, they turned into eager children, not the Inquisitor, and head Warlock of Idris, but little kids excited on Christmas morning!

Wrapping paper lay everywhere, bows thrown across the room, and many kisses, and thank you’s were exchanged. They settled somewhat, both with many gifts surrounding them, some from each other, some from Isabelle, and even Jace, but also with testament to just how far she had come, some were from Maryse as well. They savored all the gifts so lovingly gifted, until with a curious glance, Magnus spied one lone gift under their tree. Picking up the shiny package with its gold bow and card that hung from the side, Magnus wordlessly handed it over to Alec.

Alec took the gift with a questioning look at Magnus. “Not from me, darling, it’s a surprise to me as well,” Magnus said.

Alec pulled the card from the gift, noticing as he did, there were two cards, one that said open me first, gift, then second card. Following those instructions, Alec opened the first card. It read, To Alexander,’ you have been a very good boy this year! Merry Christmas,’ it was signed Santa Clause. Alec’s eyes widened in shock, throwing aside the other card he eagerly, hopefully, tore into the wrapping. With a half laugh, half sob, he clutched the snow globe to his chest. It was the gift! The very first Christmas gift he had ever gotten on the first visit from Santa that was so cruelly ripped from him. He clenched his eyes tightly, half embarrassed for Magnus to see him so emotional over a snow globe, but Alec had never forgotten it, had searched for it so many times after he took control of the New York Institute, but he had never found it.

“Alexander,” Magnus said softly, a look of such warmth, love, and understanding in his eyes and voice that Alec was helpless to resist.

Looking into Magnus’ eyes, Alec gave him a small emotional grin. “Sorry Magnus, but this little gift means so much to me.”

Magnus just nodded and gestured to the card yet unread. “Perhaps you should open that card, see who it’s from?”

Alec carefully placed his globe into Magnus’ safe hands then reached for the last card; opening it, he read and couldn’t stop the watery laughter or the few tears that escaped. “Alec,” it read. “Your father and I were so wrong to ever deprive you of the magic of Christmas. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for our actions all these years and that it took your very own Santa to always tell you what your parents should have every day. That yes, Alec, you are and have always been a very good boy. While mundane girls and boys have their magical Santa visiting every year, you know deep in your heart that you have had your very own magical Santa, one who now and for years once a year filled your life with magic. Therefore, I am returning Santa Magnus’ gift to you, as we should have years ago. Merry Christmas Alec, Love Mom.”

Magnus wrapped Alec tightly in his embrace, repaying each whispered thank you with kisses. “Merry Christmas Alexander, you are such a good boy!”

The End

[jemmydoolz]

Edgar Has Always Been Kind of a Bitch

hi okay so it's a little after midnight but I'm posting a fic rn bc it's the first fic I've written in like,, a yr and a half and also I'm rlly excited abt it??

anyway battle buddies/fahc jeremwood angst based on ramblings in a gc

(warning for minor assault implications at the beginning, and brief mentions of a suicide attempt at the end)!!!

Fiona and Gavin decide that what Jeremy needs is a night of bevs, and, to put it simply, get wasted, so the crew settles on going to a club that Friday. Jeremy only has one or two drinks, but boy does he get fucked up.

Ryan’s sitting and talking with Geoff and Jack in a booth, sipping a diet coke. He looks over Jack’s shoulder to see Jeremy standing at the bar with a much taller, more intimidating man looming over him. The guy reaches out toward Jeremy, who leans away from the touch. Jeremy nervously laughs and his eyes frantically dart around for someone, anyone who might be able to help him.

“Hello? Earth to Ryan?” Jack waves her hand in front of Ryan’s face.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah. sorry. Hey, um, I’m gonna go home, I’m just not really feeling great,” Ryan murmurs as he slides out of the booth, already heading toward Jeremy.

“Um, alright, I guess? Drive safe,” Jack calls after him.

Ryan speeds up when he sees the man grab Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy’s face flipped through a thousand emotions at once when he saw Ryan approaching, but eventually landed on confused but grateful. He gave Jeremy a look that said just go with what I’m about to say.

“Hey, babe,” Ryan says. The man immediately drops his grip on Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy does his best not to choke on his own spit when he hears the word babe come out of Ryan’s mouth. He hadn’t heard it in so long, and he didn’t think it would still hurt so much.

“Oh, hey!” Jeremy turns to Ryan and reaches up to peck him on the lips. “Where’d Edgar go? It’s his birthday, I figured he would wanna hang out with his friends!”

Fuck. Mentioning something about their friend ‘Edgar’ was always code for I don’t feel good about this, let’s leave. Edgar’s birthday meant I’m having a panic attack, I need your help. Ryan wanted to punch the guy that was practically feeling Jeremy up. No—he wanted to fucking kill that bastard. He and Jeremy may have had a severe falling out, they may have suffered years of heartache and longing, but he still felt responsible to make sure Jeremy was safe.

“He said he kinda wanted to go home. He went to the bathroom while I found you. You, uh, just about ready?” Ryan’s eyes flitted between Jeremy and the other man, who cleared his throat and mumbled something about needing to go find his friends before walking off.

Jeremy and Ryan both sigh in relief once he’s gone.

“Wanna head outside for some fresh air for a minute?” Ryan asks, getting a meek, obviously shaken-up nod in return.

Jeremy says something that Ryan can’t quite hear over the music as they walk outside.

“Hm?”

“Oh, nothing. It was dumb.” Jeremy shakes his head. Ryan has had enough experience to know that it was better to just leave it alone. They both wordlessly come to a stop and lean against the wall of the building a few yards from the door. Almost as if they had been working as partners for years. They spend a few minutes saying nothing, watching people on the street, looking at the stars in the sky. Ryan can’t help but study the intricacies of Jeremy, realizing that so many things have changed, but somehow almost nothing about him is different. Jeremy’s hair is just a tad bit more grown out than it ever was at the agency (also, it’s bright purple and orange, which is not exactly the most appealing color combination, but that’s a topic for another day), but he still runs his hands through it when he’s lost in thought. It’s curlier than it used to be, but maybe that’s just because it’s longer. He still clenches his jaw so hard it seems like he’s going to break his teeth when he’s scared. He still wears a tank top under his shirt, no matter how hot it is outside. His eyes still crinkle at the corners when he lets out a bark of laughter that Ryan still swears up and down sounds exactly like a squeaky toy. He’s changed, though. Ryan can see in his eyes that he’s become aware of reality. He knows the responsibility he carries, the heavy consequences that come with his actions, that death is around the corner at every moment.

“D’you- d’you want me to take you home?” Ryan says barely above a whisper, but loud enough for Jeremy to hear. “You can go back inside if you want, but I know you always used to want to go home and be alone after Edgar shows up.” Jeremy lets out the tiniest breathy chuckle.

“Edgar has always been kind of a bitch, hasn’t he?” Jeremy says as he looks away from the sky to meet Ryan’s gaze, and his heart falls apart all over again for the thousandth time. That fond look of reminiscence and joy was one Ryan donned frequently at the agency. “I- Yeah. yeah. I’d really appreciate a ride home. I’m just a little too drunk to drive, I think.”

“Alright. I parked just down the street. Penthouse or your apartment?” Ryan hadn’t even noticed that Jeremy did seem somewhat tipsy; his Boston accent slipping in occasionally and his words slurring the tiniest bit.

“Um, apartment,” Jeremy says. “D’you rem-”

“Yes, I remember where your apartment is, Jeremy.”

It’s only a few minutes into the drive to the other side of town when Jeremy pipes up. “I honestly didn’t really expect you to help me. I didn’t expect you to remember Edgar, either. I dunno why I said it, I guess just vaguely hoping you would even though it’s been, what, three years?” he pauses for a moment and just takes in Ryan's profile. “I always hope you remember things from then. I know it went to shit, but we still had so much fun. We made so many memories and did so much dumb shit there. But I’m glad that stupid fuckin’ place collapsed. All of it was complete bullshit. I just wish it all fell apart before we did.”

Ryan doesn’t know how to respond. So he doesn’t.

“All those meetings I had to stay late for? Fuckin’ useless. They served no purpose, and I don't know why I was forced to go to them. I feel like the only reason I had to go to those meetings was because someone was hiding something from me. It was obvious that so many things were kept from us.” Jeremy stops for a second to try to will away the lump rising in his throat. “I thought you were cheating on me. For the longest time. I still don’t know whether you actually were. You were always out on ‘special missions’ and shit.”

The moment Ryan hears Jeremy let out a shaky breath his heart breaks.

“Was it me? Was I not good enough? I promise I tried my hardest to be what you needed. I’m sorry if I wasn’t. All I wanted was the best for you, Ryan. Even now, I just want you to be happy. If you're happier with someone else, then that’s what I want. I don’t blame you, though. I don’t deserve someone like you. You deserve so much better than me. I would do anything for you, Rye. We were together for so long. We did everything together! I thought I was gonna marry you. I was saving up money to get a ring. I guess I was too stupid to see that you didn’t want me anymore.”

Ryan looks over to see the tears staining Jeremy’s cheeks reflecting the soft orange glow of the streetlamps. Is this really what Jeremy thinks?

“I was so in love with you, Ryan Haywood. I’m- I’m still in love with you. I love you so goddamn much it hurts sometimes. Every time I see you hurt, upset, angry, anything other than healthy and happy my heart aches. I’m sorry I wasn't enough. I promise I tried. Fuck, I tried so hard.”

With every sob Jeremy lets out, Ryan's heart breaks just a little bit more. The short distance left until Ryan pulls up to Jeremy’s apartment building is spent wordlessly. Jeremy’s clambering out of the car and reaching to grab the door when Ryan speaks.

“Hey, Jer, do you want me to walk you up? I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“No. I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’ve already been a pain in your ass tonight, I don't need to waste even more of your time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything.” Jeremy sniffles and wipes his cheeks, giving a half-hearted smile before shutting the door and walking away.

Ryan sits there for a second, unable to process fully what he just heard. He starts driving without even knowing where he was going, and he’s so lost in his thoughts that suddenly he’s sitting in his car in front of the boardwalk along the beach and crying. He can’t believe anything he was just told—there is no way in hell that the brilliant, witty, talented Jeremy Dooley ever doubts his worth. It’s jarring to think that part of it was because of Ryan. He was going on extra missions because the agency was growing more and more demanding. For months they tormented Ryan with the threat of kicking out Jeremy. They said they’d do other things to him that Ryan doesn’t want to remember. Why did Jeremy never bring it up? Why did he just accept that Ryan had ‘moved on?’ Their lives were so intertwined with one another that Ryan never felt truly whole again. The only reason Ryan went with the break up was that he saw how distant and cold Jeremy had gotten. Ryan had assumed that, for whatever reason, Jeremy had changed his mind. He hated it, he was devastated, but he didn't know how to fix it.

Ryan decides he doesn’t want to go back to the penthouse tonight. He pulls up to the nearest crew safehouse, and suddenly things click.

Jeremy had always struggled with bad self-image and depression. He had gone to Ryan for comfort, which he was always more than willing to give. Jeremy was doing better. At least he told Ryan he was.

Jack had mentioned a while ago that when Jeremy first joined the crew, she had found him after a suicide attempt and barely left his side until he recovered. The only reason for it Jack had told Ryan about was ‘emotional trauma from a past relationship, that he didn’t really want to talk about.’

Ryan did that to him.

Ryan did that to him.

Ryan made the love of his life want to die.

The pieces left of his heart fall into more shards than there are grains of sand in this world.

He collapses onto the couch inside, too exhausted to even get to the bed. He knows he’s not going to be able to sleep, though.

To: Geoff

Dropped Jeremy off at his place, he was pretty drunk though so check on him please

To: Geoff

I’m staying at kung fu safehouse for the night

[skipscabin]

Come What May

Character: Jim Hopper x Reader

Word Count:1986

Rating: Fluff, with a dash of angst

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy 

Summary: Tensions are running high at the station, it isn’t easy being married and working to the Hawkins Chief of Police. When you get a feeling, however, there's only one person you can tell.

AN: This is un beta’d and written in the early hours of the morning. Also, my first time writing for Jim, so I'm hoping all is well! 

Your stomach turned, seeming to sway back and forth as you remained still at your desk. You never knew your organ was such an acrobat. You set down the pen you held in your hand pushed your chair away from your desk, looking out to the changing fall leaves on the trees through the station windows. There was a big hubbub at the high school with a few teenagers earlier in the week and you had been tasked with writing the incident report. You knew you had to get this done today and had to send a copy to the school officials for their own disciplinary purposes. For the past several days, however, that was the last thing on your mind. 

When it came to your “lady days”, you were spot on. The third Sunday of every month, boom. The Red Baron was coming in hot, yet here it was the third Friday, and nothing. After Monday came and went and it never happened, only a small part of you was worried. You knew it had been a busy week (which turned into two) at the station and you assumed that perhaps the stress offset you for a little while. It was close to 5 pm on Friday now, however, and you didn’t feel a thing. No cramps, mood swings or anything. In a small, gossip ridden town such as Hawkins, there was really only one person you could tell first. Cheif Jim Hopper. Your husband and boss. 

Since then you tried to conceal any notion that anything was off with you, not that it was hard. While you both lived and worked together, a string of occurrences around town hindered you getting really any alone time with each other. Either one or both you were at the station or you were just too exhausted to try and tell him your troubles. The nervousness also plaguing you heavily.

You tap your pencil on your report, the final section finally filled. You looked at the clock and decided you had enough time to talk to Hopper before dropping it off.  You two were the last officers left, Flo just about ready to leave herself and she tuts about the station. You take a deep breath and sign your name on the document, tucking it into the folder neatly. You skirt around your desk and down the hall to Hopper’s office with it under your arm. You knock on the door and wait a moment before opening it and popping your head in. You see he is on the phone while his gaze is cast down, writing something down in one of the case files. 

“Yes, yes sir we’ll have it sent off by 5 o'clock, one of our deputies will drop it off. Yes, not a problem, glad the kids had a level head with the aftermath of it. Yes, goodbye.” He hangs up the phone and continues to write. You step into the office and take another deep breath. He seems to finally realize you’re there and looks up quickly. 

“(Y/N) you got that report done for the principal right?” He asked, his brow knitted together as he speaks, seemingly to have forgotten if he had even checked in with you about it any other time today. 

“Yes, I just finished it up, I was wondering if-”

“Could you give it to Powell to drop off on his way home? I know he drives right by the school and they just called asking if it would be in today.”

“I would, but he’s gone home. It’s been a long week so the boys finished up pretty quick to get home. I also took a little longer than usual writing it up, I’ve had some stuff on my mind.”

“Ah...Well, then there goes that. I guess one of us will have to. See, best to leave anything that bothers ya at home so then we could have left a bit early too.” He shrugs going back to his folder. You bite your bottom lip, half in anger and in sadness that he seemed so dismissive in this moment. 

“Hopper I need to talk to you about something.”

“Babe, can’t it wait until we get home? I told them it would be there at 5 o'clock and its 10 minutes too. So either you or I will have to take it.” He replies the only move he makes is to twist his wrist to look at the numbers on his watch.

“Jim it's just really important and I haven't been able to-”

“(Y/N) please I promise you you can tell me any and all of your problems when we get home I just need this one last thing done before the week is done.” 

That's it.

You take the folder from underneath your arm and slam it down on the desk over his work, a few papers flying off in the process. 

“Fine then. If it’s so god damn important than you can take it to the school by yourself on your way home. I’m leaving. Don’t wait up for me.”. You turn on a dime in your boots and stomp out of the room, slamming his door behind you as you go. You’re heading for the car as Flo appears, wondering what the door slamming was about. She quickly sees that you’re upset, your eyes filling with tears quickly, threatening to come spilling out. You put your hand up to her and your lip quivers.

“Flo don’t, everything is fine I just need to go.” You hear Jim’s booming voice call your name as he emerges from the office, triggering you to bolt out the front doors, pulling your keys from your pants and quickly climbing into your car. You turned it over and peeled out of the parking lot, headed for you didn't even know where.

Hopper runs out to the parking lot but just catches your tail lights as you go, clenching his fists at his sides. Flo walks up beside him and watches you go.

“Jim Hopper, what have you done now.” 

*****

You stand on the rocky beach of the lake, tossing stones into it as far as you could. Winding your arm back and throwing them with all your might. The ripples making the reflection of the late evening sky tinting it an orange colour. Leaves fall from the trees and skim across the water, dipping over the ripples made by your angered pitching practice. 

“That stupid, stupid man. Fucking Jim Hopper want, want, want. Can’t take two god damn minutes out of his day to listen to someone other than himself.” You kneel down and grab a stone about the size of a baseball, hurling it and watching it hit the water with a heavy splash. 

“Sounds like a huge asshole.” You hear a familiar voice say from behind you. You turn around and meet a pair of sulking blue eyes, wiping the tears from your own with the sleeve of your pale blue deputy uniform. 

“You have no idea.”  You say coldly turning back away from him, hoping he would just walk away and leave you in peace, and yet a small part of you hoped he wouldn’t.

“Actually I can guarantee I do. I’ve been dealing with him for even longer than you have. He gets a little pigheaded sometimes.” Jim makes his way across the rocks, the stones crackling against one another under the broad man’s weight You’re still looking on when your glance is brought down by your hat being stuck in front of you. “You left this at work, can't have my deputies running around with bare heads.”

You snatch the hat from his hand, brushing the stray hairs the water’s breeze had taken off of your hot and tear stained face. Again saying nothing. 

“(Y/N) will you say something please, I’m trying. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention to you before when you needed it, but I’m here now and I want to listen.”

“Maybe you should have done that when we were at the station. I've been wanting to talk to you for a few days now but I knew work had been hectic for both of us so I didn’t bother. You know me, Jim, you know I wouldn't bring up our personal problems at work unless it was urgent. It’s been hard trying to find the words to tell you.  If we didn’t draw a line between us and work we would have been done a long time ago. Being with someone almost 24/7, at work at home, hell in bed every night is stressful.

“I know, but there’s no one else I’d rather be stressed out over. I’m sorry about today, this afternoon. I am. You understand why I was wound up, you were too, I just didn't know you were even carrying extra.” Hopper turns towards you and wraps his arms around you, placing his head on top of yours as you go on your tiptoes to wrap yours around his neck tightly, your hand still holding your hat tightly. Your eyes squeeze shut and more tears start to cascade down your cheeks, your heart hammering in your chest. You loved this man so much, so matter how much you growled to each other, you felt it. In the top of your head to your toes and everywhere in between. He pulls back and runs the pad of his thumb over your shivering lip, smiling warmly at you with his kind cool eyes. “Now, will you tell me what's been bothering you, please?

You take a deep breath and exhale,  the shaking breath coming out through your mouth, trying to find a way to explain your worry. He places his hand on your cheek and you put yours over it, leaning your cheek against his warm palm. “Hopper, my, I’m, I’m late. I'm never late.” He furrows his brow and tilts his head slightly.

“Never late? What do you mean? I don’t know what you mean. You were late for your first day on the job, I remember that and-”

“No, no, no. Late as in-” You take his hand from your cheek and place it on your stomach. “I’m late, my period is late Jim.” 

His eyes immediately dart down to where his calloused hand is holding your shirt, feeling your skin move underneath it as you breathe. His own breathing becomes heavier, he swears his heart might beat out of his chest, or burst with pure joy. 

He removes his hand from you and wraps them around you, picking you up and holding you close and he spins you off your feet for a moment. He sets you back down and presses his lips to yours, kissing you deeply and lovingly as he held you so tight. 

“Hop I’m sorry I should have tried telling you sooner but I was so scared and we were all so busy and I didn’t know what to do. I know we talked about kids but I assumed we didn’t mean right now and I-” He kisses you again, silencing your ramblings of the past week and let it all melt away. He leaned down and places his forehead on yours, letting you see now his eyes becoming glassy with emotion.

“No, no I am. You've known this whole time and I never had time to listen. I’m sorry. You're right we weren't exactly banking on having one so soon but that doesn't matter. We can call the doctors office tomorrow and they can get you in and see if that’s what's going on. If we do have a baby I promise, I will be the happiest man alive. You know that right? I love you so much, you’ll never know how much. I’ll always take care of you, and the little one, whether it happens, sooner or later.”

[rachetmath]

RWBY: Resurrection Chapter 3; Understanding

After Yang and Ruby’s talk, a few weeks have passed. You would think that maybe the situation died down a bit, but you be wrong, it got worst. Ruby tries to talk, but once again, Jaune ignores her, next she tries being nice by giving a gift or two of apology, but he just gives them to Nora. After that Ruby snapped and decided to play a little rough. She would constantly annoy Jaune in anyway possible; by missing up or joining in his day to day routine; stealing any sweets he could possibly bring from the store; and pranking him any chance she got. However, she fails to realize is she dealing with a guy, who had seven sisters who were irritating, who wore a dress to a dance because of a bet and deals with Nora, just as Ren does. Nothing Ruby does even phases him, but she won’t give up. Speaking of Ren, he has been watching this ordeal along with everyone else, but he has grown quite tired of it, especially seeing the guy he feels to be his brother becoming cruel, considering when making food he never makes her a plate. Even though he believes what the red hooded girl did was wrong, he also believes the Jaune didn’t do right either. So, during the mean time him and Nora investigated, and came across some good tips. And once they were done, Ren decided to discuss with Jaune. Alone.

Jaune: Hey Ren.

Ren: Hello.

Jaune sits beside Ren at the edge of the hall where the training room was, in front of the moon light with two cups and a drink between them.

Jaune: Um…

Ren: Relax, its tea. You like tea, right?

Jaune: Yeah.

Ren pours tea in the two cups, both grab the one on their side before drinking.

Jaune: It’s good.

Ren: Yes, I made it after all.

Jaune: Yeah.

The room was silent, both boys were not saying a word, just glanced at the shattered moon. After a few minutes Ren decided to break the ice.

Ren: Jau-

Jaune: This is about Ruby, isn’t it?

Ren: Wow… well okay. Look Jaune I-I get your upset with her and I understand, but don’t you think your being… a little harsh.

Jaune: Ren. She slapped me in my face.

Ren: True, but do you understand WHY she did that?

Jaune: Simple, she hates me.

Ren: See now that’s an excuse, you know what this is about. You been through it yourself.

Jaune: This is different.

Ren: How?

Jaune remains silent knowing he has no answer.

Ren: Alright then.

Jaune sips his tea before speaking.

Jaune: Okay I admit I didn’t think any of this through, but I… *sigh* I just can’t believe she would say that, especially about me, our friendship and Pyrrha. I just…

Ren: I understand but if I must recall, didn’t you do that yourself.

Jaune with a shocked face stared at Ren who looked serious but sad as well.

Ren: You don’t remember; you insulted Ruby’s uncle; Almost keep getting yourself killed; and didn’t you push Oscar to a wall just because you suspected him of lying.

Jaune: Um… I see your point. So, what do you think I should do?

Ren: What you do is not my business, I just wanted you to be understanding. Plus, this is more annoying than Nora asking for pancakes.

Jaune: So, should I talk to her.

Ren: Yes. But again, not my business and if you do plan to talk to her, I suggest you tell her everything.

Jaune: Yeah. I guess.

Ren: Mainly about lying to her about Penelope’s memory unit.

Jaune shocked at what Ren said, spits out some tea and clears his throat.

Jaune: How do you-

Ren: Dr. Polendina.

Jaune *embarrassed putting his hand on his face. *; Crap.

Ren: Look, you and Ruby, you two gone through many things together, and no matter how difficult it was for either of you, you always manage to pull through. Don’t let this be the reason you fall apart, we need both of you more than just one. Plus, don’t you think this is hurting Penelope more than anyone else.

Jaune looks away for moment. He couldn’t deny his brother was right, especially because he knew it would make Penelope feel uncomfortable, but also it could divide them, and he wouldn’t want that. Ren after saying what he felt needed to be said, gets up and pats Jaune on the shoulder, so he can get ready for bed.  

Ren: Well, good night Jaune.

Jaune: Good night.

Ren leaves the room, leaving Jaune alone with his thoughts. Jaune thinks about everything he has done before and as he reflects, he came to a realization. Still frustrated on what’s been happening and not knowing how to fix it, laid back and just looks at the moon.

Jaune: *sigh*… I understand.

The next morning, it was Jaune’s turn to make breakfast. Everyone took their seats and begin to eat. Ruby came last and tried to say hi, but Jaune still avoids her and took his seat. It almost become a routine but color her surprise, Ruby notices that she had a plate of breakfast where she was sitting. Ruby could’ve asked Jaune, but knowing he won’t answer, Ren made the call.

Ren: Jaune?

Jaune: Yes?

Nora: Did you make an extra plate by accident?

Jaune *blushing and trying to avoid eye contact*: O yeah, if anyone wants it, then go on ahead.

Ruby surprised by his answer stared at her friends.

Ren: You heard him.

Ruby smiled and silently thanks Jaune for the meal, even though he didn’t want to admit, he did it on purpose as to say sorry. Oscar who is beside Penelope, decides to ask a question to Ren.

Oscar: You think they’ll be alright?

Ren: They just have a misunderstanding right now. But they’ll be fine.

Penelope: How do you know?

Ren: Well you see-

Nora *cuts Ren off*: No relationship is perfect, there is no doubt about that, friends will sometimes have their arguments, even seeing the worse in each other.

Yang: But with a bit of patients, friends, and few moments here and there, they might come to an understanding.

Blake: And that will make them stronger for it.

Weiss: Indeed, so lets just enjoy the calm atmosphere while it’s good.

Ren: Right.  

Oscar and Penelope looked back at Ruby and Jaune with little concerns, but they were swept away the moment Oscar and Penelope saw a smile on both Jaune’s and Ruby’s faces. The two stared back at each other, knowing all they can do is hope for the better, smiled with some joy.

Oscar: Yeah, they’ll be alright.

Penelope: Affirmative.

[ofwolvesandbutterflies]

something hurts..

Stray Kid’s Hyunjin x Reader

Genre: fluff

personaltrainer!AU

A/N: Based off that one part from the ‘I am YOU’ mv when hyunjin is lowkey rapping and puts one part of his shoulder as if it hurts. also because i’m a swimmer and I fuck up my shoulder all the time.  

As a trainer, I get people coming to me all the time, complaining about the most random - and sometimes questionable - things hurting. 

“Hey __, my thighs hurt.”

“__, my calves are burning in a pit of fiery hell, please help.”

“I don’t know why, but like __, I swear my wrist feels like its going to fall off.” 

“My shins. I’ve been icing for a couple days, but they still hurt like hell.”

“Imma be straight up, I have no idea why, but my butt hurts.” 

Most of the time though, since I work under varying entertainment companies, I get a worrying amount of idols, especially younger ones, coming to me after their practices with insane amounts of strain on their muscles. 

It’s kind of scary, really how much stress they undergo at such a young age. As an athlete during high school myself, I understood the horrendous odds an individual has to go against when it comes to balancing school and extracurricular activities, but what they have to go through... it’s ridiculous. 

Then again, I have to give them credit. They do it because they want to. They do it because they want to prove to themselves and to others that they’re worth it, that they made it and that they could do it. However, that doesn’t change the fact I disagree with the amount of stress and responsibility they place on themselves to succeed. 

It hurts me even more to see Hyunjin in my office, pain clearly etched on his beautiful features and determination still burning strong in his eyes. 

The first time I met Hyunjin was during my first month under JYP entertainment. I had just started to pack up for the day and back then, I was naive enough to think that idols and trainees - like me - clocked in at 9 o’clock out at 5:45 pm, 6:30 pm at the latest. 

How wrong I had been. 

It had been around 6 that Hyunjin limped in, aided by one of the other trainees I recognized as Chan. 

“Hey __,” Chan offered me a brief, worried smile. I had met Chan just a couple days before; he had overdone something and come to me, teeth gritting. “Hyunjin went too hard on a part of choreo and fucked himself up.” 

“Chan I didn- she’s probably busy-”

“Nonsense,” I smiled at the boy. “There’s no one else here.” 

Pushing my hair out of my face, I shot Chan a reassuring smile and approached them. Picking up Hyunjin’s other arm, I loped my arm around his lithe body. He continued to protest, but once I had my limb wrapped around his frame, his body relaxed readily into the extra support. I smiled sadly. It was the most difficult to work with the ones that wouldn’t admit they needed help. 

With Chan’s help, we lowered the male onto the bed, the protests dying on his lips when he hissed. 

“Alright Chan, I can take it from here.” The older male nodded at me and clapped Hyunjin on the shoulder, saying nothing. He left the room frowning.

For a moment, everything was silent as I sized the male up. Hyunjin was tall, taller than me, slim, obviously very fit, and extremely good looking. His eyes were downcast, his whole body posture seemed defeated. It looked as if he were expecting me to scold him. 

Part of me wanted to. If Chan hadn’t brought him, I knew by his body language and the words he had said earlier that he wouldn’t have come. I wanted to chastise the boy, tell him to stay in tune with his body, take a break and stretch when he needed it... but I knew it wasn’t the time and that he wouldn’t have listened anyways.

“Hey Hyunjin,” I started softly. His dark eyes slowly, shyly made their way up to mine.  

“Hi.” 

“What’s wrong?” I asked lightly. “How’d you fuck yourself up?” 

“Chan was just... over exaggerating,” he mumbled, staring at his worn out vans. “I’m fine.” 

“Yes, I’m sure,” I snorted, crossing my arms in disbelief. “That’s why it took both you and Chan to get you over here. I bet that’s also why you were limping.” 

At my accusations, the attractive male ducked his head, retreating even further into this shell of shame. 

“Yeah. Exactly. I’m fine.” 

Heaving a sigh, I took in everything about the way he was seated on the medical bed. Though his posture was slouched, his arms were placed on either side of his lap to hold him up and he was quite obviously putting the majority of his weight on his left leg. 

“Alright tough guy,” I cracked my knuckles and took a couple steps closer to him, smirking playfully when he noticeably flinched. “You don’t want to tell me what’s up, that’s fine.”

He peeked up at me from underneath his bangs and I nearly melted at the sight. He was truly angelic. 

Pulling up a chair beside him, I sat and cocked my head. 

“You know... I wanted to become an Olympic swimmer when I was younger,” I started, noticing the way he leaned towards me ever so slightly. “I wasn’t always the fastest, I sometimes messed up, and I continued to train. In fact, I still swim now... but I’d be lying if I told you I was an Olympian at one time in my life. I didn’t make it that far, I didn’t get to be my childhood dream...” 

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Hyunjin’s eyes narrow. Shrugging to myself, I let out a long breath. 

“But even though I’m not doing what I envisioned doing as a kid, I enjoy the simple job I have now.” 

“Why’s that? Why settle for this when you could have been an Olympian?” The sound of Hyunjin’s voice startled me, but I turned towards him with a kind smile.

“Because what I’m doing now... it’s ultimately helping others continue on towards their dream.” A light of understanding clicked on in his eyes and I continued. “Often times when people come to me, they’re upset, they’re disappointed with themselves. But I’m here to remind them it’s just a speed bump, not a broken bridge. That they’re here as a reminder to take better care of themselves.

“Watching those same people debut, they’re overjoyed. They’re glowing. And knowing I was a small part in the long process it took them to get there... I get a sense to peacefulness. In a minuscule way, I know I helped someone bring joy to thousands of others.”

The room was quiet for a moment. It was a nice silence. No part of it was awkward as the male meditated on my words. Finally, Hyunjin exhaled lowly, eyes still drawn downward. 

“I.. I think I hurt the back area of my right thigh.” 

Every so slowly, his gaze raised to meet mine. A shy smile spread over his lips. 

“When I was younger, I also wanted to be an Olympic swimmer.” 

There was something that intrigued me about Hyunjin. 

He was hard working, always persistent, and never ceased to put forth his best effort... unless it came to simple things like taking care of himself. He’d wake up hours earlier than the other members to get to school and stayed up the latest practicing. 

I didn’t know what it was they pushed him so hard. After all, everyone in this profession had the burning drive to do well. But his drive was pushed to an even larger extreme. 

Whether it be because of my growing affection and worry for the blooming idol, or because of the unwillingness in his visits to admit to his need for help... My ever increasing want to take care of him continued to expand. 

Within the following months, I got to knowing the other members well also. Whether it be because of hurting muscles or because of someone getting hurt or just because I gave them lollipops and snuck them unhealthy snacks, seeing them always became the highlight of my day. Still though, as much as I enjoyed all of Stray Kid’s company, it still saddened me when they came by for something other than a social or snack visit. 

“Hey __,” a couple of familiar voices called. Sighing, I turned around to see Minho and Woojin, both holding up a sheepish looking Hyunjin between them. 

“How’d you fuck yourself up this time, Hyunjin?” 

“For some reason, he decided it was a good idea to get to practice late and skip stretching,” Minho snorted, rolling his eyes. 

“Hyunjin...” 

“Ooh, Hyunjin, __’s mad now,” Woojin laughed, using is free hand to poke the younger member.

“You guys, I think I’m feeling better, we can go now.” Glancing at his band mates jokingly, the guilty boy chuckled, ducking his head. 

“Alright boys, put him on the bed,” I sighed, massaging my temples. 

They complied, purposely dropping him on the surface. The injured boy hissed in return. I could’ve sworn on their way out, one of them snickered “Oooh.. he’s in trouble.” 

“Hyunjin,” I began, narrowing my eyes at him. The boy let out an over exaggerated sigh at the patronizing tone I used, head dropping once his members left, smile still stretched across his lips. “Last time you came, I thought I told you to remember to ALWAYS stretch.” 

“I know you did,” he mumbled, peeking at me from underneath his eyelashes. His childish aegyo begged me not to scold him. I still did. 

“Hyunjin, your comeback is coming up soon and out of nowhere, you decide to hurt yourself?! I know you’re worried about looking good, I know you’re worried about staying on top of your school work and your idol work and always performing flawlessly, but... Ugh! I’m not supposed to be seeing you here a couple weeks before your comeback! You’re not supposed to be hurting yourself!”

“...are you done?” He had his affected leg stretched out across the bed and the other pulled up to his chest. With his chin rested on his knee, he watched as I paced about the room, amused expression sitting pleasantly on his face.

Frustrated with my favorite and least favorite visitor, I threw my hands ups in the air and covered my eyes, groaning loudly.

“...Yeah.” 

“I swear, __. You care more about my injuries than I do.” He leaned back on his hands, face relaxed and eyes crinkled into crescent moons. 

Narrowing my eyes, I flicked his forehead. 

“Of course I do, dumb dumb. If you ignore your injuries, they’ll only get worse,” I spoke, frowning. I approached his leg, already knowing which area hurt from the countless times he’d been in here. “That and it’s part of my job.” 

He hummed, gaze heavy on me, watching closely as I put his leg in various positions. I had only lifted it a little bit when he flinched, a sharp hiss erupting from his mouth. My frown only deepened.

“Why don’t you take care of yourself, Hyunjinnie?” I murmured while setting his leg back down. “You’re making me sad.”

His eyes finally left me, settling on the floor in front of him. Something not quite a whisper fell from his lips, spoken too quietly for me to understand. 

“Because I like it when you take care of me.” 

“Hwang Hyunjin!” I yelled, stalking across the near empty practice room. My angered call sent the male scrambling to his feet, a pained look not very well hidden behind his gorgeous brown eyes. 

I had gotten texts from both Chan and Woojin, begging me to check to see if Hyunjin was still practicing. I had fallen asleep in my office, my collegiate studying boring me more than usual. By the time I woke up, it was 2 in the morning, the frantic texts from Chan and Woojin having been sent a couple hours earlier. 

Had all my energy not been focused on my least favorite idol, I’d have noticed the full moon hanging over the light-polluted city of Seoul and the way the horizon started fade into a lighter color in the window behind him. 

“__! Uh, how’d you know I was in here?” Hyunjin’s eyes followed mine to his leg, checking in all the regular places. Strange, I thought. His legs looked fine.

“I got a text from Chan and Woojin,” I huffed, stomping across the floor to meet him halfway. “Like can you try not to worry people once in a while?” 

“No,” he snickered, trying to shrug and failing when a sharp pain jolted through his right shoulder. “I just - ah shit - naturally attract worry to myself.” 

“Oh, Hyunjin... It’s your shoulder now?” A sigh escaped my lips and my glare softened. I wrapped an arm around his waist, frown deepening when I felt him crumpling into my side. “What am I going to do with you?” 

“Watch me mess up time after and time, fix me, and help me back up like you always do?” He chuckled lightly, leaning his head on my shoulder as he sat down on the couch. I rounded the couch, fingers trailing down his finely built limb before lifting it gingerly.  

“Right,” I snorted jokingly. “It honestly seems like you get hurt just to see me.”

I had expected him to laugh alongside with me after I said that, but my laughter was met with silence. His arm went rigid in my hand and the beautiful, vastly talented boy I had grown so very fond of went quiet. Astounded, I glanced towards him in the mirror. 

A light pink was dusted over his cheeks and his eyes were drawn down towards his shoes. Never before had silence between us been heavy, or awkward. Never before this. The tension in the air grew and I began to regret my words. 

Finally, fed up with the silence and the blush appearing on my cheeks, my lips parted to apologize right as he spoke as well. 

“I’m kidding-”

“What if I did?”

His words effectively stopped my train of thought. A storm of butterflies began up in my stomach and my heartbeat increased steadily.

“P-pardon?”

Hyunjin’s eyes raised to meet mine in the mirror. A small smile overtook his lips. 

“What if I did? Would you believe me if I told you that the truthful and honest reason I didn’t make the effort to take good care of myself was to have a good reason to see you?” 

My lips parted in shock. 

“That-that... You know you could just come by to each lunch and study... right? I wouldn’t have minded. You.. You didn’t have to take less care of yourself to come see me.” 

A sheepish smile crossed his face. 

“Well... that’s also true.. But I have your undivided attention more when I’m suffering.”

Placing his arm back at his side, I stepped over the couch to sit next to him and cupped his face gently. 

“Silly boy,” I chided, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. “It doesn’t matter if you’re hurt or not, you’ll always have my undivided attention.” 

And with that, Hwang Hyunjin smiled brighter than I had ever seen him smile before, brighter than the joy I had seen on his face when he debuted. 

“__...” A familiar, comforting voice called from the door way to my office. A smile traced it’s way across my lips; I already knew who it was. 

“What is it this time, Hyunjin?”

“Something hurts, __.” 

“Yeah?” I saved my essay, closed the computer, and spun around to see my favorite idol. Thankfully this time, he was uninjured. “What hurts?”

The taller boy crouched forward and braced himself up on the arms on my revolving chair. Without warning, Hyunjin leaned forward, nose brushing past mine, smile mere millimeters away. A rush of heat burned at my cheeks when he bent down to press a soft, quick kiss to my lips. 

“Nothing anymore.”

[gilrlikegirl]

Thoughts

Buckle up y'all this is gonna be a lonnggg one.

I know that I truly love her because she hurt me on a whole another level and I still love her. I have a right to be mad at her, but I’m not. I “should be” speaking poorly of her, but I’m not, I only speak positively about her. I could have flipped out on her, but I didn’t, I don’t want to, I see no need to. I could be the most bitter thing towards her, but I’m not, I don’t want to be, I let her go knowing that I love her and I always will, she will always have someone to turn to. I could have left her before she got the chance to leave me, but I didn’t, I gave her the decision, because if it was up to me we would be in each other’s lives forever. I want her to be free, I want her to be happy, I want her to know that she matters, I want her to know she is so dearly loved, I want her to know she is so incredibly unique and special, I want her to know I will always love her, I want her to know that my arms will always be wide open for her, I want her to know that I have yet to find anything that compares to her, I want her to know that she is so valued, I want her to know that there will always be a spark of love in my heart for her, I want her to know that I love all of her, even though I don’t know every single detail of her life, I see who she is because of it, she is strong and beautiful and so gentile and she has been hurt, I can see those parts of her and I love her. I don’t only love her because she is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, I loved her because she was raw, she had such spark about certain things, she understood, she listened, she was patient, she had a way with words, she could make me melt in a single sentence, she worked so hard, she made me feel like I mattered to someone, to at least her and that is all I needed in life, she gave purpose to life, she saw the beauty of things and the sad side of things, her mind took a while to learn, but once I got a drift of how it worked I fell in love, she has so much genuine love for her pets, she was true, she was the definition of cuteness, she was such a goofball, she had sass, she changed me, she made me happy, she made me smile, she made me cry, she made me sad. She was the only person I let my walls down for. I gave her my heart and forever I think she will have it, maybe one day it won’t be all of it, but she will always have the majority of it. I wanted to know all of her. I wanted to know her full story of life. I wanted to know why she is the person she is, I wanted to understand her in a way that no one had before, I wanted to be the one for her, I wanted to know all major events of her life, all the little ones too, I wanted to know the little things that she loved, the tiny facts that no one pays attention to, I wanted to truly know her, I wanted to feel her pain and joy, I wanted to know her favorite memories and her least favorite, I wanted to know her favorite thing about herself, I wanted to know her least favorite thing about herself. I wanted her to know I would love her no matter what. I wanted to spoil her, I wanted to take her on dates, I wanted to love her in her best and worst moments, I wanted to take her places, I wanted to finish that game of 20 questions, I wanted to love her through every mood and phase, I wanted to take her to the movies and leave not even knowing what the movie was about, I wanted to hold her hand, I wanted to give her my jacket when she got cold, I wanted to hug her, I wanted to kiss her forehead just because I could, I wanted to stare into her beautiful eyes and just think “wow”, I wanted to take her out to dinner, I wanted to stargaze with her by my side, I wanted to give her a massage after a long day at work, I wanted to dance in the rain with her, I wanted to hold her at night when she got frightened because of a nightmare, I wanted to fall asleep next to her, I wanted to wake up next to her, I wanted to see her do something she loved and watch how she would light up, I wanted to go on deep conversation walks, I wanted to be with her, I just wanted to be in her presence, I wanted to do that cute little run hug thing and then fall on our butts because it’s not a movie, I wanted to show her everything, I wanted to take her to New York City and Paris, I wanted to love her forever, I wanted to wake up every day just feeling so happy because I got to be with my love, I wanted to take her to that place she dreamed about, where we could love each other endlessly, where we could be ourselves without worries, where we would shiver from closeness, where nothing would stand in our way, where it would be every thing that she dreamed of and so much more, I want to take her there and be with her. I wanted to fall asleep listening to her voice, I wanted to show up at her work and order breakfast, only paying in change, because I know it annoys the crap out of her, I wanted to look at her, I mean just look at her, take in her beauty, I wanted to know every scar on her body and where it came from, I wanted to give her some of my own clothes, so that she would think of me every time she wore them, I wanted to buy her everything that her little heart desired, I wanted to give my little girl a kiss whenever she was down, I wanted to be a brat whenever she would try to kiss me and turn my head so that she would end up kissing my cheek, then she would get upset and she would make me kiss her, I wanted to tell her all of my useless knowledge, I wanted to tell her all of my stupid thoughts and ideas, I wanted to horribly sing love songs to her, I wanted her to meet my puppy, I wanted to meet her little bunny, I wanted to do all stupid cheesy sappy stuff with her, I wanted to teach her how to play soccer, I wanted to watch the sunset with her, I wanted to wake up early and see the sunrise with her, I wanted to enjoy her favorite month (October) together, I wanted to tackle her into a pile of leaves and then run away from her chasing me trying to tackle me, I wanted to carve a pumpkin with her, I wanted to just sit with her watching the leaves fall, enjoying the silence that we rarely ever have, I wanted to wake up extra early to make her breakfast, I wanted to get all bundled up with her go to the beach and watch the way the waves crash onto the shore, and see how the fall waves differ from the summer time waves, I wanted to catch lightning bugs with her and then let them go because we want them to be free, I wanted to take her to Starbucks and get the cliche seasonal drinks, I wanted to go through a flipping corn maze holding her hand, and I wanted to get lost doing so because we were being such morons, I wanted to watch her kick ass on the court, I wanted to kiss her in the moonlight on a night time fall walk, because I can’t resist kissing my little cutie, I wanted to be with her while the seasons changed and we had to deal with the terrible winters that we get up here, I wanted to play in the snow with her, because we truly are children at heart, I wanted to tackle her into pile of snow and again have to run away from her chasing me, I wanted to catch snow flakes on our tongues, I wanted to have snowball fights with her, I wanted to go ice skating for my first time with her, and you know of course fall on my ass and have her laugh at me, I wanted to go around looking at Christmas lights with her, and a cup of hot chocolate of course, then I wanted to kiss her when the ball drops and we start a New Year, after that I wanted to give her the absolute best birthday and birthday present ever, whatever that would have been, I would have made it happen. I wanted her to be my cheesy valentine I wanted to buy her a teddy bear and all of that stuff, I wanted to take her out on a ton of dates, whether that be dinner, a movie, stargazing, napping, breakfast, watching the sunset, dancing at 4 in the morning, watching the sun rise, cuddling, going to a carnival, or anything really. I wanted to get to know her in a way that I have never known anyone else before, I wanted to know all about her, I wanted to know all of her thoughts, I wanted to know all of her ideas, I wanted to bring her flowers, I wanted to give her everything, I wanted to be there when she gets sick so that I could give her soup and medicine and make sure that she rests and gets better, I wanted to be there when she gets a tummy ache and just needs to relax, I wanted to do all of this and soooooo much more. She will always be my 11:11 wish, my birthday wish, and my wish upon a star. I truly do think that I love her, I can’t say for sure because love never really was my forte. I believe that I am, because if I’m not in love with her, then what the hell does actually falling in love feel like?!?! Like that must be some crazy shit! I mean this is some crazy shit that I’m feeling to begin with soo….

Thank you for reading my “rant”. If anyone is hurting, I’ve heard that it gets better eventually. I feel your pain, we are all hurting together. Try listening to some Halsey she understands pain. Huge thank you to you guys too! Thank you for letting me air out my thoughts, feelings, and pain, it has helped me so much!

[norman-reedus-gossip]

Last Bulk and its a long one

~~mod~~ everything else concerning this topic will be kicked to the modblog. ill try to add to the comments today. i feel like i got ran over so i may not be on at all. sorry for slacking on you and for probably being a world class asshole today. please keep it medium.

Anon: What kind of woman ALLOWS “her boyfriend” to make her hideout so she’s not seen with him? What kind of man DOES that? Be happy for them all you want. I think they look and act like morons. As “adorable ” as people think he is , he seems lately like a total douchebag. Good thing all the fucking booze he consumes gives him the balls to “allow” her be photographed with him. And how fucking desperate does one have to be to let themselves be treated like that? Typical Hollywood. I give this a week.

Anon:Okay, NOW do you think he will make an announcement on Jimmy Fallon about DK? Or that Jimmy will mention it? ~~mod~~  dont know dont care. as long as we get some couch action im good.

Anon:No new stories talk about the trip to italy right before dk dumped pacey. They dont talk about how long nr knew pacey before sky. Wonder how much that cost

Anon:I’m so sad mod….. 😢 Twd’s cast are finally coming to my country and i thinks that is very hard for they bring Norman because he is very expensive…. I mean, Norman is so rich, why he charge that much??! 😢😢 (Sorry for the english) ~~mod~~ aww maybe its not the money but more if he has time. where are they coming? you english is awesome

ahauntedfool: My two cents. I feel badly for disappointed fans who have invested so much time, energy, and possibly even money, on their beloved celebrity, only to see him acting in a way they do not agree with. That must be very hard for them. Maybe I can offer some hope and positivity?I believe no two relationships are alike, and none are black and white. Who really knows everything about their relationship besides them? But it does seem like they are together, and if that is the case I hope they make each other happy. I truly mean that. Love is not something we can plan for, but life is short and happiness is everything. I am still a fan of N, I enjoy many of his films and photographs, his charisma is pleasing, he makes me laugh and he makes me smile. There are some things I don’t like about him, but that’s how it is with people. We are all complex and flawed individuals, and in our imperfections there is beauty. I don’t know much about D yet, but I think I’ll check out her work, watch a few of her films and read some interviews. Maybe I’ll learn something about her that inspires me in some way. With that being said, I think they are an attractive couple, and I love seeing him smile like that. They appear happy in those photos and I hope they are. Maybe this relationship will be good for both of them. Oftentimes we learn from our partners how to be better people.

Anon: Wait for the other shoe to drop on fallon, the baby shoe, lol. He has an extra 0 on his paycheck now, so dk can stay in ny and give up her career while nk goes to ga and cons to keep her in designer duds and pap shots shopping and fashion shows. She can laugh with jdms wife about ppl who pay $$$$ to wait in line for a pic, and we get crappy cgi on twd ~~mod~~ come on the deer really wasnt that bad, if you squint it almost looked real

awesomebrokenheartuniverse: What the fucking fuck??? This is beyond baffling.  The public make out session.  Even as a teenager I didn’t make out on the street for 30 min.  They clearly wanted to be seen.  Have we been fooled by NR with some fake persona all these years?  Has he drastically changed due to DKs influence?  Is he whipped?  Is he tired of keeping it a secret and overjoyed to let it all hang out?  Does she have dirt on him and forcing this on him (sounds crazy but ya never know)? Is this a juvenile shit show for publicity to benefit both of them?  So many questions!  Maybe it’s not our business but when they flaunt themselves like this they are kinda asking for it.  This is like reality show in your face over the top attention whoring.  I feel embarrassed for them.  At least she is age appropriate. I don’t know a lot about DK, but the opinions here are largely unfavorable.  JJ seems like a decent guy.  Why would he stick with her 10 yrs if she’s such bad news?   I keep remembering a quote from AL where he said something like “the longer I know N, the more he is an enigma.”  NR seems totally all over the place to me right now.      

Anon: There’s a video of them kissing now. ~~mod~~ ok

Anon: Hey mod! Sorry to keep adding to this but I’m SO aggravated. Now she’s acting like CS posting pics from his apartment. An her fans are saying to stop bringing up Norman an respect her privacy to people. She doesn’t want privacy! Hence the photo! An the photos taken of them on the street the other night for a hour. If I’m w/ my bf I dont stop and post on SM things from his house. She wants everyone to know she finally got Norman. When will this “relationship” end 😭 personally he deserves better

Anon: Why would Norman be so open about his relationship? This PDA doesn’t fit to him, he never showed so much of his relationship, making out on the street, like in the video it looks like they were making a show. They just stood in the same street walked around kissed hugged just to make a show for the pap, my guess they called him, don’t know why

Anon: Re: the “lie.” Doesn’t it look like Norman’s reps said “friends” because of JJ? Timeline: Pic of Norman and DK at the car looking friendly with story about vacation. Rep said “friends.” Weeks later: picture of JJ kissing and snuggling with another woman at a restaurant. Stories: He’s moved on!! Two - three days later, Norman/DK are completely public. The “lie” was so JJ could say he moved on first. It had nothing to do with manipulating Norman’s fans. Anon: Daily mail has just released an article on NR and DK confirming their relationship and they’ve got a few new pics in there and in one of them NR is looking directly at the camera. I guess we know for sure it was planned and a bit staged now.

Anon: Mod - this was an absolute publicity stunt but I don’t understand why. It makes him look like the biggest possible lying fake asshole alive so why would he want that image? I’m secretly hoping this is some kind of early April Fools day joke.

Anon: Mod when do you think NR and DK became more than just friends? ~~ mod~~ would you be offended if i said i have no idea becasue i dont care enough about them as a couple to even guess. sorry if i sound like a jerk im still not feeling well

Anon: I hope Norman doesn’t think we’re just going to “get over it”? It doesn’t work that way. There is a difference between lying about who you ARE and just simply having a girlfriend. (I won’t even go into how fake SHE is) You Lied to the people that supported you Norman. This isn’t just jealous fangirls. This doesn’t just go away in a few weeks.~~mod~~ im sure he knows it isnt just gonna go away in a few days

Anon: Woke up today with tears in my eyes. Every day I used to go check out all he cool Norman/Daryl fan art on instagram. Now I can’t even look at him.~~mod~~ dont cry anon we can find you someone else to look at.

Jan: Listen up To those deeply upset and disturbed by Norman’s recent actions, please read this - Nothing in your life has actually changes NOTHING! You still breath the same air, work at the same place, hang with the same friends and are surrounded by people that love and care about you in REAL LIFE. You have never, nor will you ever, know the real man behind Norman Reeds and thats probably for the best. All that has happened is that the fantasy you have of him in your head is altered, but you have the power and control to change that narrative back at any point, back to thinking he is kind and sweet and honourable and all the other things that gave you comfort and joy, use him for whatever purpose you want - because I have news for you as a fan/consumer of his brand he is just USING you. He is clever, he will smile and be nice as pie if you are paying for his time, (he is a professional actor), what he is actually like once the show is over, behind closed doors, is probably a very different story that really would shock and upset you. He is part of an ugly dark industry and his values are probably way off the mark to what any of us would consider acceptable. The clues are all around us, the fake hollywood friends he has, the partying showbiz life he leads, his love of attention and the limelight, the blind after blind about his shitty behaviour. It does upset me to see people defending him with the best of intentions, when they have no clue that he doesn’t deserve defending, he is surrounded by wealth and privilege and I highly doubt he cares one bit what faceless avatars on the internet say about him when he is home surrounded by his millions of dollars and fake narcissistic hollywood friends. Me, I love Daryl and I will always love Daryl, he is a real sweetheart and the subject of many a fantasy, Norman not so much, I could never fantasise about someone like him -a shallow and highly privileged actor who can have any beautiful woman he desires at the drop of a hat, and knows it. His priorities are clearly material things, this set up relationship with DK that will be played out in the public eye will just be linked to and part of that agenda in some weird way…(I do have my theories as to why he is so keen to play along with it, but best kept to myself) So seriously people go back to your Daryl (or nice sweet Norman) fantasises… Whatever helps you sleep at night…

Anon: You know what’s even worse than finding out he’s a lying sneaking jerk? That he let her troll his fandom for the whole year. He let us try to defend him the whole time when it was all true. It just shows that his fans don’t really mean anything to him. He didn’t care that she was playing with us and mocking us. It’s just so unbelievable that he is the complete opposite of what he made us believe.

Anon: sorry but I feel betrayed. And before I get jumped on it’s not jealousy or that he can’t have a private life, it’s about thinking one thing about Norman and admiring that person for so long then suddenly finding out that it was all a lie. He made us think that he was our friend but he’s not. he’s laughing at us behind the scenes watching how we buy into the image that he made us think was the real him. it’s not him now. he’s a phony. anyone want walker stalker tickets? don’t want to meet him now ~~mod~~ no need to be sorry anon lots of people are feeling all kinds of way right now. i hear craiglist is a great place to sell those

Anon: God Mod it just breaks my heart to see how fake he looks. Allowing himself to be papped is something I never thought he would do. I admired Norman for being down to earth and real. Where is that man now? He’s gone. He sold out. He’s not who he claims to be. Honest? Lol nope. So this is the real Norman we have been tricked into supporting? He looks just as fake as we know she is. It’s so sad and disheartening and I never thought it would happen to him. He’s just like all the rest. :( So sad.

Anon: Wonder how this will work when he starts filming in May will she go to Georgia she doesn’t seem the country girl

Anon: Mod why do think NR’s reps have the statements that they were “just friends” 3 weeks ago only for them to walk done the street holding hands and kissing now? Do you think NR’s reps didn’t know about the relationship? Or he didn’t consult with them before going public? Or do you think it was all planned? I’m just really confused about the whole thing!

Anon: Sorry…this is a long one… People seem to focus on others being upset because he lied.  But I think a lot of people are upset for 2 main reasons.  One, they really don’t like DK.  It is hard to swallow watching someone you like, date someone you hate.  I had a good guy friend date a girl that the rest of us LOATHED.  She was just a horrible person and we were all so disappointed when he started dating her.  When we asked him why, he just replied, “well, she is not like that towards me”.  Um..ok…so since she’s “nice” to you, it’s ok that she is a a-hole to everyone else?  It lasted all of 4 months, but I just remember we were all so disgusted.  So, anyway, I think that plays a big part in the fan hate.  Fans love Norman and think he is wonderful/nice/kind/good to his friends and fans and they can’t understand how he could fall for someone who is the opposite of all those things.  The second reason is the cheating.  Let’s face it, this didn’t start AFTER she split from JJ.  We would be naive to believe that.  Personally, I think it started during the filming of SKY.  They are together constantly, in the middle of nowhere, I am sure they got very close.  Even if there was nothing physical, they could have been having an emotional affair…which is often worse than physical.  Although we can argue that with his schedule and her being with JJ, they didn’t actually see each other a lot after filming SKY was over, they still could have been texting and calling, thereby continuing the connection and closeness that was formed during filming.  Looking back, I can’t help but wonder if someone DID see them hooking up in a NYC bar (before the break-up with JJ).  If they did in fact have an emotional connection, add a lot of alcohol to that and you can definitely lose control for a minute.  Obviously, this is my own speculation, but no matter when the physical aspect of their relationship developed, I truly believe, the affair started long before it.  As for the people talking about a possible pregnancy.  I can see it.  Even though Norman is pushing 50 and may not want a baby, as some people pointed out, it may not be up to him.  There are many ways for a woman to “accidentally” get pregnant.  Someone, I think it was PR wife, mentioned that DK’s star faded long ago.  She is definitely someone who will do anything to bring attention to herself.  Well, having NR’s baby would certainly bring the spot light.  It may be far fetched but I think DK is really sketchy and I would not put it past her.  I guess only time will tell if there is a baby as well as how long this thing will last.  We shall see…

Anon:I gave a heads up months ago that Diane had a plan and that she and Norman were playing out a fantasy as if they were living their film “Sky”. Health issues included. But guess what comes next (not the end) ;)

Stephanie Kumke: Maybe it´s not DK in the photo, but come on, a naked bully with lights on it with the message “ Waking  up to good News”… ~~mod~~ maybe she got a job that wasnt in Europe

Anon: Ya’ll need to be realistic. Daryl isn’t the cash cow of TWD anymore. Not sure if no one sees this but the ratings last week dropped. Why weren’t they higher? I mean Daryl was in it a lot yet they weren’t as good as the week before. I’ve noticed whenever Carol and the Kingdom are on the ratings go up. Seems like she’s more of a cash cow now. She makes more viewers tune in. So I really don’t get when people say Daryl is the No 1 cash cow. It’s not true. It may have been years back, but not anymore

Anon: It disgusts the shit out of me when I see people support their relationship and are happy and even say DK is gorgeous. Wtf NOTHING on this woman is gorgeous. She’s manipulative, attention whore and snobby. I can’t believe his fans (not all of them) support her. She’s the worst nightmare. Norman went down to her level. She is unsympathetic to fans, Norman clearly isn’t the man he claimed to be. Not sure if I’m more disappointed or disgusted because he played all of us the whole time for his image

Anon: I think some people are not getting it…NR didnt own anyone anything but he was not coherent and yeah he deceived and lied when he said he doesn’t like cheaters and loves honest people. Regardless of course he have the right to date who the fuck he wants. not my problem. now the way he did it, for someone that calls himself honest is very questionable when you can see CLEARLY how this pics were staged. When you stage pics like that and you claimed for years being the opposite of course  people are going to question who you are and who was the person they have been a fan off all this years. People defended him exactly from this behavior. People defended him when people called him sell out and asshole and manwhore and honestly he just proves the others right. This have nothing to do with DK this have to do with him as a person and how he carries himself. He didnt assume her before because he was sticking his dick somewhere else too and the other kick him to the curb.

dandelioncherokee : Interesting. Norman and Diane are not looking AT EACH OTHER in one single picture. A loving couple would do that ALL THE TIME. One word. FAKE. I honestly haven’t got a clue WHY ALL THIS. Oh Norman,you had it going all good for you.Now I can only pray that the universe will give you another chance,so you can try to fix this. Kisses to you,mod ❤️hope you are alright.~~mod~~ i feel like i got kicked down 10 flights of stairs.. you flirting makes me feel better

Anon: I was just thinking about the happy anniversary post and the ‘comment’. Turns out the DK part of that was true and it makes me wonder how many of the other parts were also true. Maya Angelo said when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Eyes opened, I get it now and I’m just here for wicked gifs, and weird banter. Good things always come from bad, you’re the good thing Mod.

Anon: Pic look good, his fans on ig congrat to him so lol. Congrat to him too. We know here it so far from jealous but it is about who is this guy. Why he won’t hint their relationship at all.jdm said I think he’s single. So he happy it’s foiod but it different story from why he lid like liar, completely behave another and then be another man. And I didn’t see any pic that he look at her face. He smile to ppl. Wake up idiot fans! ~~mod~~ Please dont call fans idiots we all have our opinion

Anon: Another blog says they KNOW that Norman and DK were a thing since Sky. They supposedly have a source but won’t reveal it, they’re also saying no one knows if cheating was involved because no one knows the status of DK and JJ’ relationship. DK moved to NYC in late 2015 to be with JJ AFTER sky was finished. They bought a home together in LA in early 2016. So if her “source” is correct than yes, they were cheating all along, which makes the dec 2015 rumor seem not so false. They’re disgusting

Anon: Who knows…Maybe they both have an agreement? Maybe he agreed to help her with her image by doing this. He may think what’s the harm in helping a friend?? I am soooooo not on her side…I’m just trying to ration it out. Unfortunately we may never know. I still haven’t seen pics of them full on kissing. That one pic where they’re close looks like he was lighting a smoke. Hand holding? Even friends do that. He seemed pretty drunk anyway. Ugh and her IG? Tries to be like N & HC. UMM no.

Anon: Thinking if the 2 of them together makes me so ill but hey…He’s a big boy. I’ve been going thru the stages of grief (as stupid as that may sound) and I don’t regret smashing my DVD copy of Sky! Didn’t much like it anyway lol now I’m past the anger and just sad. I’m not as mad at N as I was a few days ago but I still think DK is a snake. I hope that he guards his heart from her nasty ways! I also think the whole thing with the paps is strange. N is very impulsive and sometimes too too nice!

Anon:Hahaha I share the same first name as DK, so at least I know when Norman is having sex he is screaming my name. Seriously tho at least she is age appropriate and who cares anyway. You are a fan of his work or not no matter who he is boning.

Anon:Is it me or is Norman avoiding liking DK IG posts? I believe he may have been drunk that night and is regretting what he did

rebellacycle:Are you going to watch jimmy Fallon tonight ? Wonder if he will talk about the new relationship. Or just TWD~~mod~~ i will probaly be asleep. probaly just talk about he twd

Anon:

Norman and Diane are happy and in love so the haters have already lost ✌🏼

Anon:

I have a question for those fans who keep saying things like “Be respectful of Norman’s private life!”…. But they’re the ones who are (unnecessarily!) publicizing it. They staged and sold pics and video. In PDA, the P doesn’t stand for Private. If they are not respecting their own relationship, why should we? Also is talking about Norman’s penis size respecting his privacy? So what exactly do y'all mean? They don’t seem to want that. They want people to talk, comment, click the links.

Anon

:Feel better soon Mod! I don’t understand something about the whole DK Shitshow. If this is legit (and not just publicity) then how come no other gossip sites are picking it up??? TMZ doesn’t have anything to say about it after they just ran the garage pics/got his denial?? It looks like People ENews DM UsWeekly and a few less known sites are the only ones going with it, so how come??? I don’t get it! I don’t understand how Norman can be one thing one day and the TOTAL OPPOSITE the next!??! WTAF

Anon: The photos and the video of NR and DK … Looking at it I just feel DK is walking with his trophy. She wants everybody to see her new toy, her little puppy that she will manipulate as she pleases. DK wants everyone to see his new trophy !! While NR smiles like a fool who does not understand the situation. Yes he became the DK puppet

anon:

I appreciate this blog and your work, but you have to moderate some comments that appear on your site. I read comments accusing Norman of lust after teenage girls. This is defamation and it is very serious. It is unbearable to see all this hate and these lies dumped on an actor we have supposed to love. It is all the more intolerable that currently the world is experiencing serious problems. Thousands of people are dying of hunger, London and Paris are the target of terrorists, but some people prefer to waste their time to dumped their hate on Norman. Treat him as if he was a criminal just because he’s in love and he lied because he didn’t want to reveal his private life in the press.I doubt that you post this message on your blog but I needed to say. Many of us live very difficult moments and see all this hate for a simple relationship is ridiculous. Some may express their disappointment but have no right to invent lies and spill their hatred. Sorry for my aproximative English, I hope to find a warm and funny blog. Good luck to you Mod….

~~mod~~ just a few things. 1.tumblr rarely lets me delete comments, the tumblr app hates me…2. the quickest way to get your post deleted is to say “you probaly wont post this”.. i hate that.

Anon:Hope you feel better soon mod. This is for when you do the bulk: at this point I think I’d be happier finding out he did accidentally get her pregnant one drunken night but actually can’t stand her and did this for appearances only and they aren’t really a thing. At least that way he would be the same guy who just made one huge mistake while intoxicated. One night stands happen all the time. But being with her?? it changes everything about him and it makes him a liar.

Anon:

been two days I haven’t looked at anything to do with N and I still can’t get over this. He’s a complete fake. short of telling us he was abducted by aliens and this was an imposter in his body I will never understand. ’s like he just revealed that he is the opposite of everything he made people believe for the past seven years. Liar. Fake. Hollywood. Stupid. Ingenuine. That’s what this makes him look like now. It makes me want to cry. someone say it was all a nightmare. where’s the real norman

Anon

:Happy Today, Mod! I hope your body parts will all in good working order soon. Please take care of yourself. The drama of Norman Reedus means nothing in the long run. Kind people like you who take the time to create community are what matters!

Anon:If DK’s marrage broke down because she cheating then norman gotta run far and fast, they cheat WITH you they cheat ON you. You should look at enty and type in Norman reedus/Diane Kruger this shit been stirring for a while Anon:Will Jimmy Fallon grill Norman about DK? ~~mod~~ dont know

Anon

:Have you seen the pap walk pics & videos?? Omg I’ll swear DK slipped a Mickey Finn in Norman’s whiskey. For him to agree to call the paps on himself, something was totally wrong with him! I don’t recognize that Norman. DK is destructive & opportunistic. She manipulated her way into his life from day one when she recommended him for the SKY role. She is as TOXIC as they come! Wtf’s he doing with her? He’s in self-destructive mode, I pray he comes to his senses in Ga surrounded by good ppl.

Anon:Diane manipulates the media and manipulates Norman. An avid woman who likes to manipulate her little world. How can people defend it? I saw her in truth, she behaves like a haughty princess.

Anon:I no longer see goodness in Norman.

Anon

:Just canceled my trip to San Fran wsc. I was gonna meet him but I can’t even look at him nevermind meet him. How are we supposed to pretend he’s the same guy? He’s NOT what he told us he was! It’s NOT bc of a gf but 1) that it’s HER of all ppl (she is the epitome of famewhore sell out and no one I’ve talked to who met her have ANYTHING nice to say) and 2) He LIED about everything. He’s not any of the things we thought, made his reps look stupid and sold out to let himself be papped. WTF is that

anon

: Personally I’m wondering if she got him drunk, got him to agree to this to make the rumors look true, and that he was too wasted to care. This is NOT the guy we know and love. This is also coming from a mutual friend of his not just some fan. he never calls the media, like TMZ on himself. He’s a private, fairly normal dude, and that’s why I think DK set it up. To boost her American publicity and get noticed for work here. Sad, sick, and sketchy.

Anon: I’m definitely over reading about it Mod but I don’t understand how anything is gonna go back to the way it was anyway so I vote to keep it on the main blog. He’s a lying jerk and this is what we have to see now every day because how can we not if he’s seriously with her. I think I’m gonna have to quit being his fan altogether bc I can’t take her I don’t want to see her ridiculous face every single time he goes anywhere ~~mod~~ here the  thing its an N blog, i dont have to post anything with her in it. im really good at cropping things out of pics.

[enouragement-blog]

Rejoice!

Too often, religious people make one of two contrasting errors when they go through various struggles and trials. The first is that they simply deny the problem. “I don’t have cancer - I’m healed in Jesus name!” It’s not that Jesus can’t heal, it’s that He doesn’t heal just because we tell Him to. He’s got His own plans and purposes, and we have to understand that. Of course, we should pray, but He doesn’t HAVE to answer any prayer. 

In ancient cultures, the various rituals religious people performed were focused on manipulating the gods to act in their favor. In essence, modern day Christians do the exact same thing. “I prayed in the name of Jesus, so that means it’s a sealed deal” OR “If I have enough faith...” OR “If I pray the right prayer and go through the right motions, God will have to heal me”. Many look for hope so much that they turn to charms, occult activity, healers, magical items, or (most recently) “healing frequency” and some supposed ability to tap into the healing found in King David’s music (such as this heretical charlatan: https://wholetones.com). Some go to televangelists and order supposedly “blessed” handkerchiefs or the like. It’s nothing more than people trying to be on equal ground with the Most High God. May God forgive us for trying so thoroughly to be in control of our destinies. God doesn’t have to heal us, and we all die eventually. It’s a big deal to us, but in the grand scheme of God’s eternal existence outside of the chains of time, a few extra years of life isn’t that big of a deal, and once again, death comes for all of us. 

I was on the verge of death multiple times, yet God healed me, and I have no idea why. I didn’t earn it either. He didn’t have to. Nothing I did afterwords made God’s grace any more deserved. At the end of the day, God is God, and we have to be ok with that, because denying our problems does nothing. In fact, God told His people specifically to bring their requests to Him (Luke 18:1-8). How can we bring a request to Him if we are either naming and claiming what is GOING to happen, or if we are denying the reality of what IS happening? The NAR (New Apostolic Reformation) is pretty big on this kind of stuff, and the founder of the cult “Christian Science”, Mary Baker Eddy, did this exact same thing - but even though she denied the physical until death, she died a slow and painful death with no healing. We aren’t healed by ignoring the problem, prayers of faith, or anything else, but only by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The second thing religious people often do is they create a hypothetical “solution” that they think will happen in the future. “This is the good I think MIGHT ONE DAY come from this problem”. But in Philippians, Paul does neither of the two things I mentioned. In fact, Philippians is full of bad things happening, but Paul embraced those things. They were actually happening: He was imprisoned, Philippi was facing struggles, Judaizers (or quite possibly Jews) were troubling the church; it seemed like there was just one problem after another for both Paul and the Philippian church. Yet, Philippians is the most encouraging book in the whole bible. The presence of troubles did not mean that Paul couldn’t be happy, they gave him opportunity to be happy. Happiness and contentment is not the absence of struggles, the denial of struggles, or the ability to dream of what may happen after the struggle, but a daily choice.

In Philippians 1:12-14, Paul mentioned his imprisonment, which was bad, but he paid attention to the good from the bad situation: People were hearing about salvation through his imprisonment. And more than that, they were witnessing his joy in the midst of trials. It was also encouraging other Christians to be more bold. 

In Philippians 1:15-18, Paul mentioned the opposition he was facing by people who should have known better. They were even tainting the message of Jesus Christ with competition and spite. We see the same thing happening all across America: pastors competing against other pastors, Christians focusing more on their differences than their personalities. But even in this, Paul was able to point out the good: at least Christ was being proclaimed. If only we would carry that same mantle of rejoicing, we would find things to rejoice in, even in the darkest hours of our soul.

In Philippians 1:21, Paul mentioned that he was facing death, but even in the midst of death, he saw the good: it would be better for him if he died, and better for them if he didn’t. His entire focus was on NOT focusing on the bad. In life, you really HAVE to focus on the good, or else the bad will be all you see. Scientists have actually discovered that the more we complain, the more we teach our brains to complain. It literally becomes a habit. For instance:

https://medium.com/the-mission/how-complaining-rewires-your-brain-for-negativity-96c67406a2a

Of course, it’s not about simply being optimistic, and keeping your head in the clouds, and thinking about rainbows and butterflies, but in every situation, rejoice. The problem will be their anyways, but how you react to the problem is even more important than the absence of the problem. 

There is always reason to complain & get down, but there is also always reason to rejoice. Do this very simple project:

- write down everything that is upsetting you.

- write down a good side of the problem. Not the good that MIGHT come from it, not how you think the problem will be resolved, or what someone else or you could do to “fix” it, but the good side of the problem.

It will be hard, it will be unnatural, but in time you can train yourself to look at the bright side:

- control your thoughts and don’t dwell on the negative (Philippians 4:8)

- bring your requests to God, while being thankful all the while. Your thankfulness cannot be a result of God giving you your own way - that’s what brats do (Philippians 4:6).

- whenever you are tempted to complain, instead, thank God for the good part. For instance, my second son died last year. The bad side is that he died, there’s nothing I can do, etc. The good side is that: he is in the presence of God, I don’t have to worry about him being sick or in pain or mistreated, he was never mine - he was always God’s, I still have two children, I learned how God feels when Christians fall away - we are His children and when we go our own way it hurts Him, I have experience God, His love, and His comfort in a whole new way. I don’t know why it happened, but I rejoice in the midst of it.