#that book is hard to recommend btw

[bearforceone3]

blue beetle vs carapax, i thought it was cool they brought him out of obscurity for the movie. sometimes i feel like i was the only one who read that 1986 book

[ilions-end]

another weird book find in the norwegian national library!

a 1976 supplemental book for kindergarten teachers (!) about the iliad and the odyssey

its full title, translated, is something like "About The Iliad and the Odyssey: A Review With the Help of Certain Notes from Captivity" (the author was a political prisoner during wwii). as far as i can tell, it was written for a specific group of kindergarten teachers as a supplement to "the little cildren's book" (unnamed) that is presumably a kiddie-friendly version of the iliad and the odyssey

it has quick informal summaries of both plots with occasional commentary, and is surprisingly thorough with backstories and narrative context from the epic cycle. it doesn't at any point explain how this additional information might be conveyed to small children (most of it really doesn't seem preschool appropriate!).

i get the sense the author just... really loves the iliad and the odyssey and had a great time writing about them for her colleagues, it's really endearing to read.

like this is how she wraps up her odyssey summary:

My translation:

Penelopeia starts to tremble. This was their private sign. Their marital bed rests on living roots. No one can come between them. Now their reunion turns into something wonderful. I don't know if there exists anything more beautiful in literature, no indeed.

no, indeed! aw i feel you, ingeborg

[csms-jpg]

6.12.2022.

[pickled-flowers]

Reading A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara rn and I have to put it down every ten minutes to breathe and process and then do it again and again

[blockdus]

“She took her eucharist before me, and I quietly apologised to Jesus for the downgrade from her tongue to mine.”

- Chloe Michelle Howarth, Sunburn

[neverendingford]

.

[dollsandmasks]

You know that moment where you have a crumb of free time and you could be writing, you could be finishing that fic, you could be catching up with your friends, you could take out your sketchbook and draw the most self-indulgent things, you could at least be reading or watching something interesting, but you happen to have a minor task that you don't want to do, your body is slightly uncomfortable from typical body things and your work has been a bit stressful today, so now you are in a restless scrolling more and opening the same three social media apps hoping that something will give you that hit and send your brain in motion and make you either work on tasks or do something fun.

Why am I procrastinating making a single phone call, and then doing fun things forever.

[flippinpancakes64]

cullens w/ a reader who lovesss to cuddle?

The Cullens with a Cuddly S/O

Currently fighting the sleep demons rn so Idk if this will even make sense but whatever full send

Thank you for requesting and I hope you like this

Edward:

We already know he's down

I mean like half of the first book/movie is him watching Bella sleep

He just likes to be nearby

So cuddling up to your side is no burden to him

He'll ask a lot if you're too cold or if you want him to move

He just wants you to be comfortable

After you've established that you do, indeed, like his cuddles, expect them all the time

If the time or place allows him to be right by your side, he is there

"Hey I just rented a new movie, do you wanna come over and watch it?"

"What movie?"

"Uh-"

"I'm on my way, have my blankets ready."

Alice:

She's a pretty energetic person

So I feel like she'd need to either be doing something or talking

So yes she will cuddle, but she needs the TV on

Or she needs to be talking your ear off

She loves being so close though

She's like a lizard she loves the warmth

She doesn't mind if you fall asleep, she'll keep talking

But especially if it's late at night, she loves being so close to you

Btw she's the little spoon or literally laying on top of you

I would recommend investing in a nice heated blanket

Jasper:

I have a feeling he'd love it

He strikes me as the type to be able to stare at a wall for hours on end and not get bored

So he doesn't mind laying with you the whole night

He would lay in one spot for days if you wanted him to

He would be so happy when you asked him the first time though

He has a bit of a hard time grasping that you actually do love him, so small reminders like this go a long way

Is another one who's hyper-aware

Constantly making sure you're comfortable

He would find your even breaths and calm mind soothing

It's his new favorite couples activity btw

Rosalie:

I've mentioned it before but I think she's active at all hours

Either she's at school, hunting, or working on her cars

She just doesn't like to be bored

So cuddling isn't her favorite

Not to say she won't do it

Just that she won't do it for super long stretches of time

She'll cuddle for a movie, or until you go to sleep

But then she likes to get back to doing something

It's understandable, you can go to sleep, she can't

If you ask her to, though, she will stay the whole night

And she won't complain

She also doesn't have a preference on cuddling position

Emmett:

He's definitely more into like casual cuddling

Does that make sense?

Like he loves holding you close on the couch while he's watching a game

And he loves sitting you in his lap when he's playing a card game or doing homework

But he doesn't really like laying in bed for hours

So sort of similar to Rosalie

He just gets restless

He's squirmy too

He wakes you up throughout the night because he moves so much

Cruel injustice

But on the bright side, if he was able to sleep he'd be a loud ass snorer so at least you don't have to deal with that

Esme:

She would be another snuggle enjoyer

She loves the closeness of it

It makes her feel so connected to you

And she has no qualms about when or where

It's the middle of the day and she's outside working on the garden but you want to cuddle?

Okay just let her shower first

She would prefer to be the little spoon

Idk why that's just how it is

Carlisle:

Carlisle "Cuddle" Cullen

Anytime, anywhere

He just misses you a lot when he's at work

So he loves to make up for lost time by having you right there with him

Loves doing paperwork with you in his lap

Or having his arms around you at all times

And of course he will lay with you for the whole night

He tends to lay on his back

But that's just his natural

He will move however you need him to

He only cuddles fully clothed tho

He knows he's cold

So he knows you will need the extra layers between you two

Vampire! Bella:

She's always down

Sleeping is one of the things she misses the most about being human

So laying there with you while you sleep is the closest she can get to the real thing

She likes to cuddle while facing you

Face to face yk

But her one bad habit is that she forgets that she is freezing

Chronically puts her hands under your shirt or her toes behind your knees

"Ah! Cold!"

"Shit, sorry"

[owlyjules]

Hi! Sorry if you've been asked this before (or just don't want to say, because that's cool too), but I was wondering if you had any book or author recommendations you could give? :> Your art is always accompanied by such lyrical captions, and I was wondering what inspired them. Thank you for your time and all the gorgeous art you share! <3

Thank you so much!!

I just love creating little stories with each picture when i paint them! (Btw big thanks to my wife for helping me spellchecking and beta reading those since english is not my first language!)

For recs, a lot of the inspiration from fairytale books I read as a kid and some more recent influences but its really a little bit everywhere so its hard to pinpoint!

But heres a few of my favourites for this october mood!

The last Unicorn

Anything by emily caroll!

Tove Jansson

T kingfisher

The angels game by Carlos Ruiz Záfon

Hope you find one you like!:D

[munchy-k]

danmei list that no one asked for (long post incoming)

ok so I've accumulated a pretty decent list of danmei that aren't as well known and I want to talk about them!! so here we go! these aren't in any particular order btw

Nan Chan

an aloof, listless immortal and a very hungry caterpillar fish demon go on an adventure to retrieve a runaway bell 🔔. and also they both have amnesia. CUE ANGSTY BACKSTORY REVEAL!!!! 🔪🔪🔪

I'm sure it's to no ones surprise that this is first because I'm a SLUT for nan chan. if nan chan has one fan it is ME and if there r no fans I am DEAD!! I love this novel so much it has the perfect combination of painful angst and sweet sweet lovin' !! the main couple's relationship makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside 🥺👉👈 (probably because I am a touch love language girly and these bitches be touching!!!) and I LOVE the characters sm. especially my little meow meow Jing Lin and his adorable little stone figure. I live for the interactions between Cang Ji and the stone figure! it may be a little difficult to read the first time around since the plot gets a little convoluted but it all makes sense in the end! 10/10 really recommend!!

How to Survive as a Villain

transmigration plot! rich ceo gets transported to a novel as the villain emperor and gets buddy buddy with the novel's MC so he doesn't get killed. ends up buddying too close to the sun and accidentally becomes the leading lady. drama ensues!

this is another favorite of mine!! this one is another good mix of angst and romance and the MC is so funny and likeable. there are also two cute side couples which is always fun! (one of them is f/f so it gets extra brownie points with me🤭) its also not too complicated which makes it great for casual reading ^^ p.s. this one has an official eng tl now! its being published thru rosmei (like nanchan) so it has to be ordered thru a 3rd party distributor but I think its worth reading 👀

Living to Suffer/ Till Death Do Us Part

living to suffer: ancient wuxia style prequel where the characters meet as a humble doctor and member of a demonic sect and their fate intertwines. this one has a BE

till death do us part: early to mid 1900s setting sequel. the reincarnated characters meet again as a elementary school teacher and rich playboy and face the struggles of having a relationship. this one has a bittersweet ending

THIS...... OK THESE NOVELS... let me tell you something. this made me SOB. oh my god especially the ending of TDDUP. I saw a review saying "I honestly could believe there lived a Shen Liangsheng and a Ch'in Ching, and that they fell in love..." and hard agree because something about this story felt so real?? which made it all the more intriguing and heartbreaking!! its set around the time of the japanese invasion of china and the cultural revolution so it does talk a lot about politics but it wasn't a difficult read imo. BUT BE WARNED! there is a LOT of smut. (not rly vanilla either..) and the relationship does get pretty toxic at times 😬 but it gets better by the end of the book and the toxicity actually does add to the story and character development. if u give it a try please read the prequel (living to suffer) first!

After Being Forced to Marry the Evil Star General

a deputy prime minister MC who's powerful, high-maintenance, and hated by the public is arranged to marry a laid-back general who is much loved and praised (but also rumored to be cursed!). this is an arranged marriage + enemies to lovers novel

I'm actually in the middle of rereading this one rn 👀. I think this one is also good for casual reading since it isn't very complicated. in the beginning the interactions between the main couple r rly funny because they just clash all day long lol. its also got a little angst sprinkled in 😎👍 I did see some reviews saying that the MC is not likeable since he does some kinda bad things and he's stuck up but I still liked him idk 😭 I feel like his flaws made him more interesting

Married Thrice to Salted Fish

a doctor MC who only wishes to study medicine (and poison oop) gets arranged to marry a guy whos dying. turns out that guy has been taken over by a transmigrator! transmigrator ML then proceeds to die and come back as someone else.. more than once 😭

if you love a couple that schemes together then this is the novel for you! the MC in this book kinda reminds me of the MC from the book I mentioned right above. (these titles too long man 😅) I found the repeated "reincarnation" plot to be pretty interesting. the interactions between the couple were pretty amusing as well and since the ML is from modern times he randomly uses modern slang. MC even picks some lingo up from him loll

Xiao Jiu

about a 9th prince MC whos trying to win the heart of the emperor's cold and aloof bodyguard! call him the prince of rizz because it works eventually 😎 this is an age gap romance with a smidge of angst and political drama

this a short and sweet story! the ML is described as cold a lot but he actually becomes rly sweet and warm later on so he isn't one of those stone faced characters. I don't have much else to say about this besides "its cute, I like it" 😅

Guanshan Muyu

wife-chasing crematorium story! it's about a outlaw MC who's kidnapped by the very guy who betrayed him. ML wants to win MC's heart back but issues from the past cause a bunch of misunderstandings :( but it is a happy ending!!

man.... I haven't read a wife-chasing crematorium story before this and I was not prepared for the amount of ANGST. basically everyone is miserable for the entire damn time! 😭😭😭 but that's not to say it wasn't a good story!! all the suffering made the ending feel even sweeter 🥰 if you cry easily maybe keep a pack of tissues on hand when you read this 😂

I wrote this in my notes app while reading and I feel like it summarizes the ML pretty well bahaha 👇

"qi yan: my girl is mad at me. I hope I die"

It’s Not Easy Being a Master

transmigrator becomes the villainous shizun in a novel he read and attempts to avoid a bad ending but *gasp* the novels MC (ML) has been reborn with all the past memories!! MC tries to get close to ML while ML is like wtf is going on ! seems like a typical "transmigrated as a villain" type plot until suddenly it's not... 👀👀

this one was rly fun! there's a big plot twist that I found rly interesting and unique! very fresh!! fresh produce!! 🥒🫑🥕🍅 I also like the MC a lot he had a rly silly personality hehe. I think this novel is good for people who like solving mysteries alongside the characters since a lot of hints are dropped throughout

Golden Stage/ Terrace

arranged marriage between a court dog and a general who's become phsyically disabled. everyone knows that the two HATE each other... but do they really? 👀 no, it's not an enemies to lovers, but the other characters seem to think so! 🤭

great novel!! very good!! I love the dynamic between the main couple! they love to banter so their interactions are entertaining. there's a bit of political plot but it's nothing too complicated and the angst is minimal. I also like that one of the main characters is a ambulatory wheelchair user. this one also has a official eng tl now but I'm not sure from which publishing house

Sharing Rain and Dew

MC whos staying in the palace dies a painful death but then gets reborn several months in the past. he spends his time stressing about his impending death but for some reason the Emperor has suddenly become super clingy and doting

this one is very very short, only 5 chapters + 3 extras, but it's quite funny and cute. despite being so short the story is actually pretty interesting? good for a quick, casual read

list over!! I have a few more but this is already too long of a post 😭 I hope someone can find this helpful for some reading recs!

[gnomewithalaptop]

Transcendence AU Dash Simulator GO!!!

31 notes

🌟 lesbianstellaconifer Follow

okay but actually block me if you ship mizcor -- 'hurr durr but we age stella up' -- SHUT UPPP she's literally a minor and alcor's canonically over a million years old so how about you stop being a freak

🎩 woodsmans-left-nipple Follow

Babe I hate to break this to you but Mizcor's literally one of the most famous relationships in all of post-transcendental literature

🌟 lesbianstellaconifer Follow

I could not have more obviously been talking about Mizar the Magnificent but you know what? Yeah classic Mizcor supporters can fuck off too actually.

Everybody likes to whip out Twin Souls like some kind of gotcha but have you even actually read it??? Like it's literally supporting demon worship and pedophilia -- both of which are EXTREMELY ILLEGAL btw. So yeah if I see any of my followers reblogging that shit I'm reporting you to the Occult Defense Agency idc if we're mutuals

🐟 demonologyturnedmegay Follow

*looks at my Alcorian Literature PhD* guess we better stock up on prison shivs buddy

🍃 haveyouseenmylibrary Follow

okay I'm sorry but

and Mizar the Magnificent isn't????

5k notes

📷 nature-pics-daily

Los Angeles 🏝️

#sunken city of los angeles #new california #travel #ocean #photography #lmao i almost got eaten by a kelpie trying to take this pic pls reblog it

98 notes

🧁 definitely-mizar Follow

Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that The Scepter of Vanquished Souls, the newest book in the Wanderlust Trilogy, is now available for pre order on Glamazon!

Purchasers of the hard-cover edition will also receive never-before-seen content, including a deleted scene between Princess Samia and the Shadow King!

🤷‍♂️ not-not-ian-beale Follow

Boosting because I honestly cannot recommend this book enough. Truly one of Mira's best (and I'm not just saying that because she married me!)

25k notes

⚠️ alv Follow

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You are the 6 billionth user to log into Jumblr today!! This means you are eligible to win a FREE WACBOOK PRO!!!! Click here to claim your prize and win BIG BIG REWARDS!!

#twin souls #mizar #alcor #mizcor #twin souls: reawakened #twin souls: breaking circles #twin souls: newest moon #twinner #twincon3015 #not a scam

Based on your likes!

0 notes

🌞 azarath-metrion-zinthirst Follow

So. I had a day.

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

Okay, but consider

🌞 azarath-metrion-zinthirst Follow

I don't remember my older brother's wedding

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

A small price to pay for no middle school trauma

🐧 selkiebael Follow

Okay so I just read the url and--

Asfdksfjk go off you funky lil intern

📖 stanley-pines-memorial-library Follow

I'm actually the senior librarian. But thanks!

🐈 alcorphabetical Follow

Posts that have 10k notes. To me

15k notes

🔮 demonoftheday Follow

Today's demon of the day is Nxlar the Antithetical! Responsible for the Florida Springs Massacre of 3007, the body count for this purveyor of madness is estimated to be over 400 (source).

🐸 that-one-half-elf-bitch

I could fix her

41 notes

🍑 lookingformygnomequeen Follow

literally screaming crying throwing up rn I've turned off 'Based on your likes' like eight times @staff can't you just get rid of him already

2.5k notes

🎤 rosaslittleredboots Follow

#i accidentally set my alchemy textbook on fire today and i don't even care AAAAAA this is going to be amazing #northwest mansion mystery #pacifica northwest #rosa darling #im about to be so insufferable about this just you wait

616 notes

👹 sexiestdemon3015bracket Follow

🐸 that-one-half-elf-bitch

Nxlar SWEEEEEP!!!

#if you love me at all you'll vote for my lady love #LISTEN i could bring her to the light i nkow i could

37 notes

👻 sweetthingsaremadeofdeeznuts

Lmao so Nxlar the Antithetical totally turned my apartment complex into a pile of sentient sludge yesterday. I'm fine -- I was at work when it all went down, but uh... yeah, my situation obviously just became super not-great. I hate to ask, but I don't get paid til the 15th, so if some of y'all could float me some cash just so I can get a motel room for a couple nights, I'll fr owe you a life debt

Goal: 0/250

FundFriend

LenMo

#fuck demons fr #like seriously what'd i ever do to them 😭😭😭 #mutual aid #pls boost #don't tag as donation

17 notes

🏳️‍⚧️ gliesssse Follow

Important PSA

So idk if y'all have been reading the news lately, but the alcor virus has been making the rounds on the interwebs again. I feel like I shouldn't have to say this but PLEASE don't click any random links rn, ESPECIALLY if they're tagged with twin souls.

I know we twinners love to joke about it, but the alcor virus is legitimately dangerous and has been known to seriously ruin people's lives. Idk. Just like be smart and practice basic caution I guess? Jumblr's pretty much dead these days, so he might skip over us, but it's always better to be safe than sorry

⚠️ alv Follow

This is a good point! It is always better to be safe than sorry! That's why if you're smart, you'll click here for a list of ways to virus-proof your computer. Stay safe out there everybody!

Based on your likes!

4k notes

🌲 discogirl99 Follow

Anyone else just randomly crave connective tissue sometimes

🧁 sparkle-glitter-sideblog

no actually i think that might just be a you thing

#also i heard screaming on the other line when i called you earlier there better not be a mess when i get home #beloved demon brother tag

2 notes

👑 sameeya

Okay guys I might be crazy but what if the Shadow King was actually telling the truth when he said Princess Samia's brother is still alive??? Like, if you think about it, there's a tonnnn of foreshadowing in Crown of Ghosts and the author tweeted that there was gonna be a surprise twist in the new book sooo 👀👀

#i've connected the dots -- YOU DIDN'T CONNECT SHIT -- i've connected them #wanderlust trilogy #mira ramachandran #crown of ghosts #scepter of vanquished souls #princess samia #samia of cleves #shadow king #ahmed of cleves #bookblr

25 notes

🪨 professionalnatural-deactivated30141227

Reminder that you are beautiful exactly as you are and there are thousands who would sell their souls to imitate what you do naturally <3

👠 mizarsfrillypetticoat Follow

I actually really needed this today 💗

🦇 plsbytemevladdyzaddy Follow

Yo quit reblogging this op is a blatant human supremacist

🪨 professionalnatural-deactivated30141227

And? No one cares lmao

⚠️ alv Follow

Enjoy deactivation. Lmao.

🪓 wenda-was-a-lesbian-confirmed Follow

🕵🏻‍♂️ alcor-in-the-tardis Follow

#I sent screenshots of that one centaur post to her boss too #give you two guesses what species his wife is (tags by @alv)

Holy shit. Am I actually rooting for the alcor virus rn?

🍄 warioxreader Follow

maybe the real virus was the friends we made along the way <3

⚠️ alv Follow

No, the real virus is me. Don't take credit for my accomplishments.

🐲 retiredbus Follow

Heritage post

62k notes

🐔 old-friends-senior-griffin-sanctuary Follow

I just want to get dicked down again =/

[nyctoaerah]

YOU WRITE SO GOOD, LIKE HELLO??? YOUR WRITING STYLE IS SO GORGEOUS AND YUMMY, LIKE CAN I EAT IT? PLS PLS PLS??? But no joke, your writing style is literally so gorgeous 😭 like it's so detailed and all? How do you do that??😵‍💫 The gore?? The emotions? The wording?? Gosh, please take my money and enslave me queen, i am nothing but a loyal servant that shall kiss the ground that you step on🧎🏽‍♀️🧎🏾‍♀️BTW, can i get some jjk fanfics recommendations?? You write so good so you probably read good stuff too hehe😈

Dang, you're boosting my ego, pooks, and that’s not good ‘cause i have a high ego n’ i’m a Satoru kinnie /j

Thanks for the love! Just gotta let those words spill out, you know? Honestly, it’s all about pouring my heart into it and letting the words flow💀💀 and I feel more comfortable with writing things this way and i have high standards in writing so i tend to make it descriptive since I’m having a hard time understanding things if it's too simple and not detailed😔😔😔 it’s a struggle yk?

BUT STILL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AGAIN ANONNN,AAAAAA ILY🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻 YOU’VE SERIOUSLY MADE MY DAY!!🫶🏻😚

Sending loads of love and kisses to youuu🫶🏻

Here’s my recommendations, and I swear you won’t regret reading them cause they’re all top tiers!

Corpse Darling —this one is my FAV broo, made me cry and made me go through roller coaster of emotions frr, it’s written SO WELL, and it’s so elegant, the writing style is gorg and everything+ a must if you like reading abt male readers🫶🏻 IF YOU LIKE READING ANGSTY BOOKS THEN THIS!! (kagura is literally the best!!)

The Contortionist — LITERALLY SO GOOD, LIKE THE EMOTIONS, THE READER IS SO FUNNY AT THIS AND IS OVERALL A VERY GOOD BOOK RAHHH

The Fuck List— ONE OF MY FAVORITES TOO,IF YA LIKE THEM SMUTTY FICS THEN THIS IS FOR YOUU! EVERYTHING IN THIS IS LITERALLY A 5 STAR MEAL, I’M TELLIN’ YOU!!

Other Husband — This one is so good too, one of my favs fr fr, AAAA SUGURU’S SO HOT IN THIS 😍😍 IF YOU LOVE CORALINE TOO THEN THIS IS A MUST READ!!

Love Bombing— I SWEAR, the mc of this is different and refreshing, and karma is real in this + it’s written very well and i’m literally hooked (I’m watching you blade, ya better gimme my kagehikari @terrorbladewho )

Tsunami & Bloodflood— TOTALLY MY FAVORITE, IF YOU’RE INTO AN UNHINGED MEN AND YOU’RE INTO MC’S WHO WERE WEAK AT FIRST THEN PROCEEDS TO GET STRONGER, THEN THIS IS A MUST!! THE YANDERE’S IN THIS R SO GOOD, YOU WON’T REGRET READING THIS 🫶🏻 A MUST IF YOU LIKE OC FICS🫶🏻🫶🏻

Hollow Element— This is so good too + it’s written so well and is an overall a gorgeous fanfic aaa, one of the best JJK FICS THAT I HAVE READ

Cursed Prisoner— THIS ONE IS SO GOOD LIKE, EVERYTHING AND IS MY FAV TOO, LIKE, IF YOU’RE INTO READER INSERTS WHERE THEY’RE A CERTAIN CHARACTER (LIKE FOR EXAMPLE; MITSURI! READER) OR SOMETHING, THEM THIS IS FOR YOU

Otherwordly Attraction— THIS ONE IS JUST *CHEF’S KISS* IF YOU LOVE ISEKAI TROPES THEN THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!

Runaways— IF YOU'RE INTO CROSSOVERS THEN THIS IS A MUST READ!

EHE THEY’RE ALL MY FAVS<33 if you want to read some other fics that aren’t jjk then just check my library on quotev and reading list on wattpad hehe🫶🏻 THAT’S ALL, LOVE YA POOKS.

[strongbabe2907]

Here’s a little review of Zepp Haneda - Dir en grey Who is this hell for tour 2024

In the morning i took a wrong train and almost ended in Yokohama, lmao. In the end i was there around 10:40 and we got the merch tickets.

After that we met up with a few people and had some food. The cafe/bar we went too was blasting Dir all day and played their pvs inside too, it was surreal but very cute.

Visnu brought the art books and it was so cool to see them irl before she put them in the gift box🥰 everyone worked so hard!! Go check out #SilverCoinProject if you haven’t! I’m not an artist i send in some pictures hehe. There’s also a picture in there of my gifts.. maybe i’ll post them later on social media now i have given them.

So we walked around a bit and went to the torii my friend recommended, but they were doing construction work right around it so it was a bit noisy.

When it was time for merch we found out todays sticker was Kaoru!! I hoped a shiny but unfortunately just normal ones. Still cute.

I bought more merch for friends and some standees, did some trading with other japanese fans and some gift exchange 🥰 honestly everyone has been so nice and sweet.

We god dinner before the show and i started to get nervous again.. we split up waiting because we had different numbers and i was very focused on the counting haha.

I had 235 for vip which got me… 6th row maybe? Second barrier in zepp. Which was.. i had hoped for a bit closer but it is what it is.

Again i was between Kaoru and Kyo and looked at them most. Shinya wore his white outfit, Die also wore a white outfit. I think Toshiya was all black? He wore the shorts with something on top and dramatic separate sleeves.

Kaoru looked amazing! He was in all black. Black dress shirt with big collar. Wearing a small, wide black tie. His waistcoat thing and trousers/shorts were the same texture/print. The waistcoat was much more wide/baggy and shorter in the front and longer in the back. I think it had 2 rows of 3 buttons on it. The shorts were just passed his knees and veryy wide with big pockets on the sides. He wore black leggings with them again. Black dr martens and i think socks?

His hair was pulled back in a little ponytail and he had two strands loose in the front. One behind his ear and one just loose. He had the usual make up, little fangs, eyeliner and dark shading especially around his head. He was the only one that didn’t change for the encore.

Kyo wore the same simple outfit. I still couldn’t make out the tat very well, but thought i could discern some points to it.. Visnu later mentioned she thinks it’s either like a little star or a cross?

He wore low black doc martens this time.

His voice was just 💯from the start. They seemed more energetic/relaxed than the first show (which was still really good btw). He did some dancing (god he’s so tiny..) and moved around and took his earpieces out to listen to the crowd sing/shout. Closer to the end he pointed at two people, one right ahead of me. I think one of them had made a tattoo like him and he was smiling? Cute.

Also HELLOOO obscure was so awesome. It was the more recent version which i personally prefer. It was so cool!! And i mentioned this on twitter already but Kaoru didnt do much wahwah but he did grunt along with tsumi no kisei and was doing tough guy act to the crowd and singing along with a song (sorry cant remember which) for a long but, it was really cute. They switched sides once i think. My friends said there was almost a twin towers collision but i didnt see.

After the last song (Eddie), Kyo did a big smile and said ‘bye bye’ and he was off.

Shinya’s drumstick landed right next to my foot but i was busy looking at Kaoru😭😂🙈(he was also throwing stuff). Then girl next to me notices a tiny but before me and bend down to grab it, but it was fine i mosty found it funny i missed it cos i was going 👁️ at Kao.

Everyone but Kyo also threw a tour towel.. maybe shinya didnt? Im not sure. Toshiya was smiling and put his face in it before tossing it in the crowd lol. Kaoru also threw it near the front and Die tied a knot in it again and pitched it to the back of the venue lol.

So good live! Girls around me were lively but i was standing at a bit of a dead area in the crowd?? I liked both citta and zepp even though the vibes were different. (Citta was def more intense)

After the show we got the vip bags! They’re very cute. And now i try and recover a little before heading to Kyoto.

[starsval]

wonderland

remus lupin x reader

summary: you and remus find wonderland, or, you fall in love, even if it's not perfect.

word count: 7,7k

warnings: remus has a mullet because i said so, kissing, mentions of s*x lol, like, it happened, reader is pureblood so the cruciatus curse ig, punching, remus being mean, reader gets called a b*tch, lower case intended, no use of y/n

a/n: this took forever and i don't even think i like it, but still, thanks to @myriadmoons and @aastonishment for helping me writing this, love u<3

btw idk why i called this wonderland, it was originally called dancing with our hands tied but i didn't end up writing someone that fit, and for some reason there were lyrics of wonderland on the top of the document since i've been writing it so yeah

"how's my favourite girl doing?" sirius talks as he puts an arm over your shoulders, just as james takes the book out of your hands. 

"sirius black and james potter talking to me when we're not at a pureblood party? what's happening?"

"don't be mean, you know we love you" james replies, putting the book behind his back, so you wouldn't be able to get it even if sirius let you go. 

"we realised we rarely talk to you, which is sad because you're one of the only pureblood people we actually like" sirius then lets you go to play with your hair as he talks. 

"so, we wanted to invite you to the party we're throwing tonight, at the gryffindor common room" james says, but he quickly looks behind you and his friend. 

"you invite me to a party, so we can talk?" you ask, taking advantage of james' sudden distraction when regulus walks past to take your book back. 

"yes, we want to get to know you" sirius is the one who talks now, unaware of the reason his friend suddenly stopped talking

"okay, i'll see you there" you tell them, walking away. 

"what? really? was it that easy?" sirius asks, shocked. 

"yes, i'll see you there, bye" 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"they don't know that you always go to the parties?" lily asks as she puts on her earrings, looking on your mirror. 

"i tend to hide from them" you tell them from your bed. 

"why?" she questions, you shrug, unable to give her an answer.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"so, what's your type?" sirius finds you while you were choosing something to drink. 

"what?" you ask him, accepting the drink he recommends you. 

"what kind of person do you like, men, women, tall, short?"

"tall skinny men with messy mullets, when it looks like they'll break if you breathe too hard on them?" sirius' eyes seem to light up with your answer. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"she's just like you, she likes books and stuff, i swear you'll like her" sirius insists, following remus through the hall, heading to the library. 

"books and stuff? that's all you know about me?"

"i'm telling you i found your soulmate and you care about that?"

"yes."

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you were in the library, focused on your book when three people sat on your table. you look up to find sirius, james and who you know is called remus, maybe your eyes focus on the last one for a bit when sirius talks. 

"we need help" he says, pulling out a book. 

"what?" you ask, uninterested in anything they have to say. 

"we need help, you're like the smartest person we know" this time james is the one who talks. 

"and why would i help you?" 

"because you're a good person?" you don't change your expression "and we'll buy you chocolate the next time we go to hogsmeade"

"help with what?" this time, the boy that caught your eye talks. 

"we need to learn how to do this charm" he points to the book, and maybe you look at his hand before reading the words he's pointing to. you also notice how sirius and james smile when remus talks. 

"why would you need to know how to turn someone's clothes pink, permanently?" you ask, they all look at each other before looking at you. you sigh "why would i know how to do this?" 

"i'd quite fall in love with you if you did" sirius talks. "but you're smart, you'll be able to learn it" you start packing your things. "is that a yes?"

"what do i win?" you ask, already standing. 

"chocolate" you start to walk away, leaving the book there. "we'll give you alcohol at the next pureblood party" you smile before grabbing the book. 

"i'll tell you as soon as i get it"

they all hear you say goodbye to peter before he sits. 

"why did she talk to you?" james asks. 

"we're friends?" peter explains, getting started with his homework. 

"soooo… do you like her?" sirius asks remus, who just rolls his eyes before getting up. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next time he sees you, you're walking to him, who's reading at the library. you put the book with the charm before him, and quickly sit besides him. 

"i know how to do the charm… " you wait for him to introduce himself. 

"remus, remus lupin" he answers, putting his book aside. 

"remus, right" you talk, like you didn't know his name before. 

you explain how to do it, and after he gets the theory right, all there's left to do is practise it. 

"i'll do one of his socks and you'll do the other one" you point at snape, who has glared at you since you've been here. 

"i didn't expect you to be like this" remus says, smiling, before slowly pulling out his wand. 

"what did you expect?" 

"i don't know, sirius and james don't usually talk about you"

"i wonder why" you smile, before quietly charming one of snape's socks, turning it bright pink. "your turn"

remus copies your actions, successfully turning snape's left sock pink. you look at each other, quietly laughing, and quickly pack your things so you can walk out before he notices. 

you walk next to him in the hallway, though neither of you know where you're going. 

"what do you need the charm for?" you ask him. 

"we're pranking someone" he explains. 

"should i be scared?" you question and he chuckles. 

"no, your clothes will be safe"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next time you talk, he's the one who approaches you. 

"can i sit here?" he points at the chair next to you "i want to study but they're being to loud" you nod, and you talk as he sits. 

"why don't you do a silent charm on them?" he chuckles. 

"they'll find a way to be even louder" 

and that's how it starts, neither of you know why, but since then, we you enter the library, you immediately look for each other. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"you're the one who did that research on werewolves aren't you? teachers don't stop talking about how good it is" some guy asks you as he stands in front of you, the table in between you two. 

"yes" he was one of those pureblood guys, who only cared about their status. 

"you didn't talk about them being bad people" you stare at him, trying to find out why he's telling you that. "i just thought you'd like someone to tell you about your mistake"

"it's not a mistake, they aren't bad people" you tell him. 

"well, then you're wrong, they're obviously bad" he rolls his eyes, like it's obvious that he's right. 

"did you just come here to talk shit about werewolves?" you focus on your homework, mentally aiming in case you have to throw something at him. 

"no, i came here to see if you were a respectable pureblood, but let me guess, you fight for elves' rights too?" he seems upset with you, but he doesn't leave, instead, he looks at you like a challenge. 

"what, you want me to join your cause too and fight for arseholes' rights? maybe we should put your face on the banner so they know how one looks" you smile sarcastically at him. 

"what is wrong with you? i just wanted to let you know that werewolves are bad and you're being a bitch" he seems actually upset, his superior grin gone now. 

"oh, so you were looking out for me? what would I do without people minding my business? now just shut up and maybe look into your prejudices instead of my life" you stop looking at him. 

"how can you think that they aren't bad? i thought you were smart" now he seems offended that you aren't like he imagined, but maybe he thinks that he can change you, because he smiles again. 

"sorry to disappoint you. and, something can be dangerous but good at the same time, just because they have claws doesn't mean they'd stab you, but maybe a girl who’s been bothered by you will" you say, as his eyes go to the pen on your hands.

“did you just threaten me?” he has the audacity to look offended as he talks.

“i don’t know, did i? a bitch like me wouldn’t know” you smile, faking innocence.

"you’re fucking crazy” he mutters as he turns around.

when he leaves -not before insulting you again-, neither of you notice a certain tall guy, with scars on his face and a knitted sweater standing around a bookcase, listening to all the conversation.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you don’t know how, but james and sirius convinced you to hang out with the marauders, maybe the mention of some boy with honey eyes and a mullet, but still. you find yourself on the gryffindor common room, listening to them as they tell you about their best pranks.

and remus must’ve sensed that you’re cold, because the next thing you know is that hes handing you his sweater.

“what?” you ask him

"you're cold" he shrugs. 

"but, what about you?" you question, not taking the sweater. 

"i'm fine, just put in on love" you obey, thanking him before looking back at james and peter, acting as you're not noticing sirius' smile. 

when you finally get up to go back to your room, while peter, james and sirius are too distracted talking to frank, you take of the sweater and hand it to remus. 

"what?" he asks, frowning. 

"it's yours" 

"you can give it to me other day"

"but i won't need it"

"love, just let me have an excuse to talk to you" he tells you, and you stop for a moment before answering, not believing him. 

"you don't need an excuse to talk to me" he smiles. 

"keep it anyway" 

"if you insist" he kisses your cheek goodbye, and that night you're only thinking about him. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"please just this once" james asks, and it looks like he's actually going to beg you to help them. 

"i don't have time for pranks" you walk away, and the four marauders immediately follow you. 

"you just need to distract him" sirius talks, walking to stand in front of you. 

"and why would i do that?" you ask, going around him. 

"because you appreciate our friendship?" this time is peter who talks, and you actually think about it for a second. 

"i don't-" before you can finish, remus intervenes. 

"love, just this once, okay? then we won't bother you" and you know it's not true, that they will bother you. but every doubt you had disappeared as soon as he talked. so you nod. 

"where is he?" 

and that's how you find yourself talking to binns, asking him about his class, solving questions you never had. 

then you see remus walking towards you, looking so innocent, and you keep nodding at binns, like you're so interested in what he's saying. 

when he turns around due to the sound of an explosion that you definitely had no idea about, remus walks next to you, grabbing your hand, and suddenly you're running down the hallway next to him. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

remus’ face is so close to yours that your noses are practically touching as you giggle.

“why are we hiding?” you ask, a smile not leaving your face and his hand not letting go of yours.

“because, certain friends of ours are bothering me" he closes his eyes, his forehead on yours as he talks. 

"what if they're not bothering me?" you joke, sarcasm in your tone. 

"oh, so you're saying I dragged you into this cupboard?" he pulls away, his hand on his chest as he acts offended. 

"yes, i didn't expect this behaviour from you, lupin" he rolls his eyes at the mention of his last name, as you laugh. 

"then leave" he challenges, but his hand doesn't let go of yours. 

"ok" you say, but you don't move.

when you walk out of the cupboard, both of you hear people talking. 

"do you think they're dating?"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you're just peacefully lying on your bed, reading a book remus had lent you when someone opens your door. you assume it's one of your roommates when that someone approaches you, grabs the book from your hands, and turns you so you're on your back. just to lie on top of you. 

"hi" you say, not sure what to do when he puts his head on your chest and closes his eyes. 

"hi love" he replies. and after a while he lifts his head, grabs your hand and puts it on his hair. 

"what are you doing?" you question him. 

"touch my hair" he demands, and you don't, just to mess with him. 

"what if i don't want to?" you smile, and he groans. 

then, when he notices that you're being serious, he puts his head up once again, this time to glare at you. 

he repeats his actions and puts your hand on his hair, and closes his eyes again. 

"don't move"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"what did you do?" you ask remus as he sits in your bed. 

"they were talking shit" he says as you go to the bathroom to look for the first aid kit you keep in there. 

"you got into a fight because they were talking shit?" you stand in front of him, in between his legs. 

he doesn't answer, instead, he winces when you start cleaning his face. 

"remus?" you insist, waiting for an answer 

"yes?" he acts oblivious, though it doesn't last much, as you start cleaning his face again, you mutter a quiet sorry before talking again. 

"why the fuck did you get into a fight?"

"they were talking sh-" you glare at him. 

"lupin"

"last name basis?" he tries to smile at you, but you turn his face to the side so you can look at the bruise forming on his cheek. 

"yes, answer" he sighs before talking. 

"i told you, they were talking shit" you keep glaring at him until he talks again "they were talking shit about you"

you stop moving for a second, processing the information. 

"you got into a fight because they were talking shit about me?"

"yes" he stares at you, waiting for a reaction. 

"are you fucking stupid?"

"maybe that wasn't the reaction i expected" he mutters to himself. 

"you are actually stupid" you don't talk again, you just focus on cleaning his face, which means he has a lot of time to talk. 

"what did you want me to do? i just couldn't stand there as he was saying how you were a bitch and shit like that" he groans when you don't answer "i warned them, i said that if they didn't stop i'd punch them"

"oh, you warned them, how nice" you reply, sarcastically. 

"don't be mad at me, please" he wraps his arms around your legs, and puts his head on your stomach. 

"what do you want me to do?" you put your hand on his hair. 

"i don't care, just don't be mad at me"

"oh, so i should just congratulate you? thank you so much remus for defending me, should i kiss you to show my gratitude?" 

"you could kiss me, not because of that, but you could" you don't even acknowledge him as you walk to the bathroom to throw away everything you used to clean his face. 

when you come back, he's in front of you, touching your cheek as he talks. 

"you're not gonna say anything?" he asks, as you try your best to not look away from his eyes. 

"about what?" he chuckles, but doesn't move his hand away from your face. 

"about the fact that i said that you could kiss me" you fail your goal, because your eyes immediately go to his lips. and of course, he notices. 

"what do you want me to say?" you ask, rolling your eyes at his smirk. 

"i think the question is what i want you to do"

"you just got into a fight" you remind him. 

"just because you're mad doesn't mean you can't kiss me"

"i know"

and you really know, so you kiss him. and it starts as a sweet kiss, slow, just to prove that it's real. but then one of his hands goes to the back of your neck and the other cups your jaw. 

your hands go to the back of his neck, finding balance when he pulls you closer to him.

you pull away for a second, breathing heavily as you look at each other's eyes. 

"we shouldn't do this" you remind him. 

"i know" he says, slowly walking so you have to walk back. 

"i'm still mad at you" you tell him, sitting in your bed, looking up at him. 

"i got into a fight because of you and you say that?" he smirks, pushing you so you have no choice but to lie down. 

one of his knees rests in between your legs, his hands on both sides of your head. your hands go to the back of his neck again. 

"you wound me" he tells you, before kissing your neck. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you had plans today, it was friday and you had no classes after lunch, so you were gonna start getting ready and maybe drinking with the girls before going to the party the gryffindor were hosting. 

but those plans got a bit ruined when you got a letter from your family during lunch, which usually meant bad news. 

you don't really remember a lot from the letter, all you know is that you had two choices: marrying barty or getting disowned. 

after reading the letter, all you can do is put it in your pocket and try to stop the tears coming from your eyes. you don't even look at your friends or at the food that remus put on your plate. instead, you think about the words you just read. 

"i have to go" you suddenly get up, grab your things and walk away, not noticing the concerned looks on your friends faces, especially on remus'. 

they all stare at you as you walk out the great hall.

you find an empty hall and sit in one of the windows, finally letting out the tears. you don't long how long you stay like that, but suddenly someone walks next to you. 

"hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay" all you notice are the tears running down your face, and remus' arms around you. as he holds you and tells you that everything is fine. 

once you calm down, he waits a bit to ask

"what happened? do you wanna talk about it?" he asks, and you don't even look at him, not wanting to see the worry in his eyes. 

"no, it's okay" he seems disappointed with your answer, but doesn't stop rubbing your back "thank you" 

"it's nothing" he tries to find something to say, something to comfort you, but before he can even think of anything, you get up. 

"you're going to the party, right?" you look at him, drying your tears. 

"are you gonna go?" he asks, frowning. 

"yes" he seems a bit surprised, because now you're smiling. 

"then yes" you smile even more at his answer. 

"i'll see you there" you give him a quick peck on his cheek before walking away. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next time remus sees you, you're dancing, lily and marlene next to you.

he stands away for a bit, not in the mood to dance, but when he sees you're gonna refill your cup for the fifth time since he has been there. he decides to approach you. 

"hi" he says, standing next to you.

"hi remus" you smile at him, drinking from your now full cup. 

"how many of those have you had?" he asks. 

"i don't know, seven, maybe eight? who cares" you tell him, holding his hand and dragging him to the dance floor, but he quickly redirects you to one of the sofas. 

"i do, you're gonna pass out if you keep drinking" he says as he tries to get the cup from your hand, but you quickly move your hand away and frown. 

"i'll be okay"

"no you won't"

"i'm not even that drunk"

"you saw sirius and called him reggie" you smile, remembering the horrified look in sirius' eyes. 

"they look alike" you shrug.

"you should stop drinking"

"i'll be okay" he tries to reply, tries to tell you that maybe you won't, but you get up, and before he can even stand up, you get lost among the people. 

the next time he sees you, you're on the couch, head in your hands as you try to stop the tears from your eyes. 

remus sits next to you. a hand on you back as he leans to see your face. 

"are you drunk?" you nod "do you want to go to sleep" you nod, so he gets up and holds your hand, making your way through the crowd. 

once you reach the hall, he doesn't let go of your hand. he notices that something's wrong, he notices that you haven't complained to sirius about being in a pureblood family, like you do each time you receive a letter from them. he notices that you're trying not to cry. he notices that you're barely holding his hand, maybe it's because you're drunk or you're too sad to. 

and he wants to say something, he wants to help. but he decides to wait until you're in your room. he helps you get your makeup off and change into your pjs. he's folding your clothes while you're sitting on the side of your bed when he hears smalls sobs. 

he immediately sits next to you, drying your tears. 

"it's okay, everything will be alright" he hugs you, mentally cursing when you shake your head. 

"you don't get it" you tell him, in between sobs. 

"then explain it to me" he says, wondering if it's the same thing as what happened at lunch. 

"i can't" you sigh, pulling away from him as you dry your tears. 

"yes you can, i want to help you" his hands go to your face, holding you. 

"you can't-" you insist, putting your hands over his. 

"please let me help"

"remus-"

"i don't care if it's hard, i want to help" he insists, staring at your eyes. 

"let's sleep" he knows better than to insist more, so he just lets you sleep. 

when you wake up, you don't talk, you just walk with him to breakfast, and when you're finished, you walk away, not letting him know where you're going. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"i don't know what's happening in between us, but-" you look away from his eyes "i can't do this"

"what?" he asks, praying that he's dreaming, or that it's a bad joke, praying that you're not breaking up with him, even if you're not together. 

"what did i do? what happened?" he tries to find your gaze. 

"you didn't do anything, i just can't" i have to marry someone else. 

"let me fix it, whatever i did, let me fix it, you can hate me but don't go away" 

"i'll probably leave school as soon as i can" you admit, you don't even know why, you just don't want to disappear without explanations. 

"what? no, you can't leave" he panics, he looks around trying to find someone laughing at him. he doesn't. 

"i'm sorry" you talk, unable to look at his eyes. 

"don't, please, don't apologise" he says, grabbing your hands, in case you want to run away. 

"i'm so sorry" you repeat. 

"you don't have to do that" he insists, because he doesn't want to lose you. 

"i don't want to hurt you" you tell him, thinking about the letter your parents just sent you, thinking about your future, which is already decided, not by the stars, but by your family. 

"then stay, stay here, with me" he pulls your hands, so your bodies are closer. 

"you know i can't" you lament, even though he doesn't know that much. 

"yes you can, you just have to try" he suddenly lets your hands go, taking a step away from you. and you try to get mad at him, but you can't, not when he's looking that hurt, hurt by you. 

"remus-" you try to get him to listen, maybe if he gives you a chance, you'll show the letter to him, you'll explain everything to him. how you have no choice but to listen to your parents. 

"are you even sorry? you don't seem to have tried to stay" you know he doesn't mean it, he knows he doesn't mean it. but it's better that way, it'll be easier if he's mad at you. so you don't answer. you just stare at him.

"you're not gonna answer?" he asks, tears on the corner of both of your eyes. "i thought you liked me" you swear you can feel your heart break as the words leave his mouth. 

"i do-" he cuts you off. 

"then why don't you stay? is it just a game to you? you wanted to play with me?" he keeps talking, he tries to stop, he wants to, but the hurt in his heart makes him keep going. 

"i didn't, remus, it's not that easy" you tell him, begging him to understand. 

"i never said i wanted things to be easy. especially not with you" he fights the urge to walk away, thinking that maybe there's a chance that you'll change your mind. 

"i don't want to hurt you" you repeat, maybe more to remind you than to him. 

"you're already hurting me" 

"you have to understand"

"when you defended werewolves from that guy you already knew i was one didn't you? maybe he was right and you're a bitch after all, did you tell him that just to shag me?" he doesn't even blink as he talks, pretending he's not mad at himself right now, even more than with you. 

"you don't mean that" you say as the tears fall from your eyes. 

"oh, i do" that's what it takes for him to finally walk away, letting the tears out of his eyes. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you couldn't focus, it was all too much. the pain from the unforgivable curse, the sadness from your own family doing that, the realisation that you could never go back to your house. 

all you could do is try to not pass out as you walk to the potter's mansion. 

once you reach their door, and ring it, you wait. you don't know if it was ten seconds, ten minutes or even ten hours. all you know is that when james opens the door, you practically throw yourself at him, who catches you as he calls for his parents. 

"i'm sorry" you whisper in between sobs. 

"it's okay, you'll be okay, everything's going to be fine" james tries to not show the concern on his voice, he really tries, but everyone must've sense it, because remus, sirius and peter quickly appear, staring at you as effie kneels down next to you. 

when you finally pass out, all you know is that it hurts, everything hurts. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you wake up with effie folding clothes next to you. 

"oh hi sweetie, how are you feeling?" she immediately sits next to you, touching your forehead to check your temperature. 

"good" you answer, quietly. 

"you have clothes here, you can take a shower and i'll make dinner" she walks to the door as you sit up. 

"effie, thank you so much, you don't have to do this, i'll be okay"

"we'll talk later" she doesn't give you room to talk, instead, she leaves after giving you a smile. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

effie and fleamont sit in front of you as you eat, staring at you and then at each other.

"we want you to stay here" fleamont is the first to talk as soon as you finish eating. 

"what? no, i can't, i'll find somewhere to stay"

"no, you'll stay here, we have your room ready" effie insists. 

"i can't" 

"sweetie, there's no way to stop this now, the faster you accept it the better" fleamont talks as effie gets up and tells you to follow her to show you your room. 

they leave you a moment to see your room before walking in. 

"thank you so much" you say before they hug you, drying your tears before they fall on your face. 

"it's okay honey, you'll be fine" they assure you before walking out of the room. "and, by the way, the boys are sleeping, we'll tell them to come here when they wake up, they're really worried"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

he thinks it's unfair, remus thinks that it's unfair that you're talking to peter like nothing happened, that you're playing quidditch with james and sirius like you weren't crying in his arms just a few weeks ago. he thinks it's unfair that you haven't even glanced at him. he thinks it's unfair that you look like nothing ever happened, he hates that you're acting like everything it's okay, like you're not hurt by your family, by his words.

he also thinks he's being selfish, by slightly hoping that you're as hurt as him. that you think of him as much as he thinks of you. he hopes that you also have the urge to go to his room in the middle of the night. he hopes that you're as jealous as he is when someone starts flirting with you at the party james organised at his house. 

but he also thinks that none of it it's possible, that you look way too happy to be thinking of him, that if you're planning on getting drunk, you definitely don't want his help. 

he doesn't know if it was between staring at you as you flirted back with that guy, or when he was searching for you while you were nowhere to be found. but he gets drunk.

and suddenly, all the doubts he had about you disappear, because you're next to him, rubbing his back and asking him if he's drunk. and you wouldn't help him if you hated him would you?. 

he just stares at you as you hold his hand and make your way through the crowd, not so kindly pushing people who didn't move. you help him through the barrier james magically applied on the stairs so no one but his friends could walk upstairs. 

when you reach his room, you help him walk to his bed, which is kinda difficult seeing his stumbling tall figure. once he is in the safety of his mattress, you walk to the door, but his voice stops you. 

"i can't sleep with my shirt on" when you turn around, he's smirking. 

"then take it off" you turn your back to him again. 

"i need help" when you turn around, not before rolling your eyes, he's giving you puppy eyes. 

remus lupin. is. giving. you. puppy eyes. 

"you aren't that drunk" you don't even move from the door. 

"yes i am. you're really gonna leave me here, drunk and defenceless?" he lies back on his bed. 

"are you trying to blackmail me?" you frown, leaning your back onto his closed door. 

"is it working?" he asks, hoping it does. 

"no" he sighs, before leaning on his elbows to look at you. 

"c'mon love, just help me take my shirt off" you don't answer, instead, you just get closer to him, and help him sit up, once he is, he doesn't move, he just looks up at you. 

"you're not gonna put your arms up?" you groan, frustrated, when he just smiles at you. 

after a few minutes of work, due to his boycott, you finally take his shirt off, throwing it aside before walking away. 

or that's what you try, because before you can even turn around, his arms are around you. and you don't know how he's so strong, or why you didn't try to fight back more, maybe it was the alcohol. but before you notice it. you're on the bed next to him, and he's hugging you so tight that you have no choice but to fall asleep. 

when you wake up he's still hugging you, luckily not as strong as last night, so you can get up and slowly walk to the door, quietly closing it and making the way to your room. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

remus is almost convinced that it was a dream, he thinks he imagined everything when he wakes up and you're not there, he thinks it was his mind tricking him when you sit next to marlene at breakfast. even though he purposely left the sit next to him free. 

he's basically drowning in his tea when marlene says something that makes him look at you. 

"where were you last night? you left soon" he stares at you, noticing the way your eyes linger at him for a moment before saying that you were tired. and it would be childish for him to admit that it made him happy, that he doesn't even notice the hangover now, that he's smiling so much that even effie asked him about it. 

and it would be even more childish to admit that he's been giving james the idea to throw another party just before holidays end, that he doesn't need to invite anyone, just the group of friends it's okay. and who is james to say no to a party?. 

he spends more time that he wants to admit staring at you. as you talk to lily and mary, as you almost make sirius drop his drink, as you hug james. and especially, as you ignore him. so he does what he knows will make you talk to him, getting drunk. 

it follows the same order as the other night. you approach him, lead him upstairs and help him get ready to bed. 

"why did you leave?" he asks, holding your wrist after you tried to walk to the door. he sees how you think about the answer. and to be honest, he didn't think he was ready to hear it. 

"because that's what a bitch would do" you break free from his grip and walk to the door. he just stays there as you go back downstairs. 

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next morning, no one knows why remus looks so miserable, why he's being so grumpy to everyone, except you. why he's putting food on your plate, why he's making everyone put on the movie you want to see. 

they also don't know why you're ignoring him, why you offered the plate to james, why you changed your mind and told marlene to decide what movie to watch. 

but you knew, you knew because you've been listening to him apologise every other minute, you've been listening to him knocking on your door every night. you've been reading his apology letters. 

but that wasn't enough, because just two days before classes start again, he decides that he's had enough, and that he won't leave before giving you a proper apology. so he follows you to the kitchen when everyone is focused on the movie. and he stands on your way to the door so you have no choice but to listen. 

"i didn't mean it, and you know that, you know i'd never think that. and i know it's not an excuse, but it was days before a full moon, and i wanted to hate you, i wanted to hate you for making me love you and then leaving me. and i wanted you to hate me because i wouldn't be able to be around you. and i'm so sorry, i'll do anything to take it back, i need you to understand that i didn't mean it, and that i'm so sorry i ever made you feel bad. there's no day i haven't thought about you, about how much i miss you, about how i ruined everything. so please, give me a second chance, i'll apologise every minute if i have to, i'll do anything for you to forgive me. because i don't think i can stand the thought of what we could've had if i hadn't ruined everything." he takes a deep breath "i'm so so so sorry"

and you know that you shouldn’t, that he’s hurt you as much as you’ve hurt him. but you’re both teenagers, you both make mistakes, and you both miss each other. so you do what everyone would’ve done in this situation, and hug him, breathing him in.

“does that mean you forgive me?” he asks.

“yes, i’m sorry” you close your eyes, your head in his chest.

“you have nothing to apologise for, love”

“yes i do-” he cuts you off by pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

“let’s just go to sleep”

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you don’t know why james drags you from the kitchen, where you were talking with everyone, to your room, with the suitcase half done on the floor. you don’t know why he slams the door. or why he’s staring at you like you told him you forbade quidditch.

but then he talks.

“did you forgive him?”

and you remember the conversation you had with him after spending a few nights here.

“weren’t you two in love?” you’re on his bed, still not used to your new room, you’re both laying on your backs, him throwing his snitch and catching it.

“who?” you ask, staring at the ceiling.

“remus” he says it like it’s obvious, and it actually is.

“i don’t know” you shrug. 

“what happened?” he asks. 

“i ruined everything” you explain. 

“that’s not true” he frowns. 

“how do you know that?” you chuckle. 

“you wouldn’t ruin anything” he says, so sincere. 

“i was supposed to marry barty” the snitch falls and hits his face.

“what?!” he immediately sits up. 

“so i told him i couldn’t do whatever we were doing" 

"and he just accepted it?" he's frowning even more. 

"he was sad at first, then mad, but he stopped talking to me, so it worked" you shrug again, and he gets closer to you. 

"mad?" 

"it's okay"

"i know how remus gets when he gets mad, did he say something to you?" he looks worried, already thinking about punching remus. 

"nothing to bad, the normal when the person you're in love with and it's in love with you dumps you for no reason" 

"what's the normal?" he questions. 

"james, it's okay"

and with that beautiful flashback, you come back to an angry james in front of you. 

"don't dare to move, i'll talk to you later, let me have a chat with remus first" he tries to get out of the room, but you stop him. 

"james wait" 

“stop trying to defend him, and don’t try to walk away, you won’t move until you tell me everything” he stands in front of you, arms crossed. 

"james let me explain" 

"you want to talk? talk, i'm not leaving until i know everything" he sounds determined, and you know that he won't stop until he knows everything. 

"there's nothing to know, just leave it" you insist. 

"what did he say to you?" he takes at step, so he's closer to you. 

"james-"

"what did he say to you?"

"james, stop"

"now, i won't stop until you tell me what the fuck he told you, and why you're together with him after that"

"because it doesn't matter, it's already over"

"it doesn't matter?! you're saying it doesn't fucking matter? after weeks of seeing you miserable, and because of him?" he pinchs the bridge of his nose. "honestly, if you're not going to tell me what he told you, then don't even bother talking"

he tries to walk away, again, but you stand in front of the door. 

"what's the point? i already forgave him, so, what are you going to do, make me leave him?" you question him, praying that he doesn't actually say yes. 

"you don't know what i'm willing to do for you happiness" he tries to walk past you, but you don't move. 

"please don't be mad at me" 

"then tell me what he said to you" his eyes soften, looking at yours. 

"why? what are you going to do about it?" 

"it depends" he avoids your gaze. 

"james."

"maybe punch him" he looks away. 

"james" 

"please tell me what he said" he asks, this time softer. 

and you don't know why, maybe it's the look on his eyes, or the fact that you know he wouldn't let it go until you did. but you say everything to him, from how you approached him, how you were both almost crying, how he walked away. 

and it takes him a moment to react, he's sitting in your bed, and you immediately get up to stand in front of him. 

"james…" he gets up. 

"i need to have a chat with remus" he tries to walk past you, but you don't let him. 

"james."

"what?"

"please, just, stay here with me. you can help me pack" you give him your best puppy eyes until he agrees, sitting on the floor next to you, passing you clothes as you put them in your suitcase.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

and it all looked perfect. it seemed like james had already forgotten everything by the time dinner is ready. and it seems like he's really happy when he suggests to watch a movie. 

but then something changes. maybe it was remus' hand on your tight, or the fight scene on the movie. but the next thing you know, is that there's a fist right in remus' face. and that fist belongs to james. 

"you said you wouldn't do anything!" you immediately get up, putting yourself in front of remus, while sirius and marlene pull james back. 

"i had to!" he says. 

"james!" you fight the urge to roll your eyes. 

"i'm sorry! but i couldn't help it! i had to do something about it!" he explains. 

"about what?" lily asks, and you stiffen, looking at james with wary eyes. 

"yes, about what?" james asks you, and you glare at him as mary and peter take care of remus' face. 

"about nothing" you immediately say, backing up as they all stare at you. 

and they're complaining about it as soon as you say it, but remus stops them. 

"about me hurting her" no one knows how to react, you just stare at him as he stretches his neck. 

"you fucking hurt her?" lily talks, walking towards him, and it seemed like she had the intention of repeating james' actions. so you step in front of her. 

"it's all forgotten, there's no reason to punch anyone" you stare at james "especially when you promised you wouldn't"

"i'm sorry-" he tries to apologise. 

"it's okay, i deserved it" remus talks. 

"no you didn't?" you tell him, but he just smiles at you. 

"i'm going to sleep"

you all stare at him as he walks upstairs, and when you turn around they're all staring at you. 

"if i forgave him, you can do it too" you say, especially looking at james. "so, i hope you apologise to him, because he deserves it"

when you get to remus' room, he's looking at himself in the mirror. 

"i'm sorry" you sneak in front of him, hugging him as you put your head in his chest. 

"why" he chuckles, hugging you back. 

"what do you mean why, are you stupid?" you questions him. 

"love, it's not your fault" he smiles as you narrow your eyes at him. "i deserved it" 

"shut up" you immediately pull away from him, storming out of the bathroom. 

he grabs your wrist before you can walk out of the room, and as soon as he gets it his arms are around you. 

"don't be mad at me" he pleads, and when you don't answer, his lips go to your cheek. "please" 

when you don't answer he just keeps kissing you. 

"please"

this time is your other cheek. 

"cmon love"

your forehead. 

"just talk to me"

your nose. 

"please"

your lips

"love" 

your neck. 

and you know that he'll start going lower if you don't stop him. and you know that if he does you won't be mad anymore. so you pull away from him. 

"you're stupid, remus lupin" you glare at him "if you ever say that you deserve any hurt ever again i'll be the one punching you instead of james. and i'll also cry" 

"why would you cry?" he genuinely asks, putting one of his hands on your cheek. 

"because you don't deserve anything bad remus. you're literally an angel" 

"don't say that" you frown at him, and he looks away. 

"remus, i mean it"

"i know" he puts his forehead on yours "that's why i don't want you to say it"

"why?"

"because it's gonna make me love you even more"

before you can answer, he's kissing you again, this time for real, when he pulls away, he stares at you. 

"i know everyone already says that we're dating, but can we make it official?" his hands are on your cheeks, and he thinks that he's never been more nervous in his life. 

"i'd love to" this time, you're the one who kisses him, and you stay like that for a while, in each other's arms. before someone knocks on the door. 

when you open, you find james on the other side, with regret in his eyes. 

"can i talk to remus?" you narrow your eyes at him as remus appears behind you. 

"it's alright love" 

you go to the living room with everyone, and before you know it, james and remus are walking in, talking and laughing. 

everyone stares at them as they get closer to the couch. 

"what?" they ask, staring back at you. 

"everything's… fine?" lily asks, and when they both smile and nod, everyone smiles and cheers, a bit exaggerated. 

remus sits next to you, putting and arm around you and kissing you. 

and if before they were dramatic, now it's like their favourite team won the quidditch world cup.

"what?" this time remus and you ask, staring at them. 

"you just kissed?" mary says, not believing it. 

"yeah?" you answer. 

"why" marlene asks, narrowing her eyes. 

"we're dating" remus says, and the night ends between cheers, screams and hugs. 

sirius and james even cry a bit, hugging each other while saying "finally!" "we did it!" 

[centrally-unplanned]

Another big stop in Tokyo for me was Jimbocho Book Town! It is a neighborhood of, depending on who you ask, up to 400 generally-secondhand bookstores flanked by some of the major universities in Tokyo. The local government even prints out maps of the stores to help people find them all:

Which, you will note, is not 400 stores, because the process of becoming an "official" Jimbocho Town Bookstore is an intensely political operation run by local stakeholders with tons of fights over what should qualify and what rights that entails - never change humanity!

"Book Towns" used to actually be quite a common thing, and they peaked during the literary boom of the late 19th century. Figuring out "what books existed" was a hard task, and to do serious research you needed to own the books (you weren't making photocopies), so concentrating specialty bookstores in one area made sense to allow someone to go to one place and ask around to find what they need and discover what exists. It was academia's version of Comiket! Modern digital information & distribution networks slowly killed or at least reduced these districts in places like Paris or London, but Jimbocho is one of the few that still survives.

Why it has is multi-causal for sure - half of this story is that Tokyo is YIMBY paradise and has constantly built new buildings to meet demand so rents have been kept down, allowing low-margin, individually-owned operations to continue where they have struggled in places like the US. These stores don't make much money but they don't have to. But as important is that Japan has a very strong 'book collector' culture, it's the original baseball cards for a lot of people. The "organic" demand for a 1960's shoujo magazine or porcelainware picture book is low, but hobbyists building collections is a whole new source of interest. Book-as-art-collection powered Jimbocho through until the 21st century, where - again like Comiket - the 'spectacle' could give it a lift and allow the area to become a tourist attraction and a mecca for the ~cozy book hoarder aesthetic~ to take over. Now it can exist on its vibes, which go so far as to be government-recognized: In 2001 the "scent wafting from the pages of the secondhand bookstore" was added to Japan's Ministry of Environment's List of 100 Fragrance Landscapes.

Of course this transition has changed what it sells; when it first began in the Meiji area, Jimbocho served the growing universities flanking it, and was a hotpot of academic (and political-polemic) texts. Those stores still exist, but as universities built libraries and then digital collections, the hobby world has taken over. Which comes back to me, baby! If you want Old Anime Books Jimbocho is one of the best places to go - the list of "subculture" stores is expansive.

I'll highlight two here: the first store I went to was Kudan Shobo, a 3rd floor walk-up specializing in shoujo manga. And my guys, the ~vibes~ of this store. It has this little sign outside pointing you up the stairs with the cutest book angel logo:

And the stairs:

Real flex of Japan's low crime status btw. Inside is jam-packed shelves and the owner just sitting there eating dinner, so I didn't take any photos inside, but not only did it have a great collection of fully-complete shoujo magazines going back to the 1970's, it had a ton of "meta" books on shoujo & anime, even a doujinshi collection focusing on 'commentary on the otaku scene' style publications. Every Jimbocho store just has their own unique collection, and you can only discover it by visiting. I picked up two books here (will showcase some of the buys in another post).

The other great ~subculture~ store I went to was Yumeno Shoten - and this is the store I would recommend to any otaku visiting, it was a much broader collection while still having a ton of niche stuff. The vibes continued to be immaculate of course:

And they covered every category you could imagine - Newtype-style news magazine, anime cels, artbooks, off-beat serial manga magazines, 1st edition prints, just everything. They had promotional posters from Mushi Pro-era productions like Cleopatra, nothing was out of reach. I got a ton of books here - it was one of the first stores I visited on my second day in Jimobocho, which made me *heavily* weighed down for the subsequent explorations, a rookie mistake for sure. There are adorable book-themed hotels and hostels in Jimbocho, and I absolutely could see a trip where you just shop here for a week and stay nearby so you can drop off your haul as you go.

We went to other great stores - I was on the lookout for some 90's era photography stuff, particularly by youth punk photographer Hiromix (#FLCL database), and I got very close at fashion/photography store Komiyama Shoten but never quite got what I was looking for. Shinsendo Shoten is a bookstore devoted entirely to the "railway and industrial history of Japan" and an extensive map collection, it was my kind of fetish art. My partner @darktypedreams found two old copies of the fashion magazine Gothic & Lolita Bible, uh, somewhere, we checked like five places and I don't remember which finally had it! And we also visited Aratama Shoten, a store collecting vintage pornography with a gigantic section on old BDSM works that was very much up her alley. It had the porn price premium so we didn't buy anything, but it was delightful to look through works on bondage and non-con from as far back as the 1960's, where honestly the line between "this is just for the fetish" and "this is authentic gender politics" was...sometimes very blurry. No photos of this one for very obvious reasons.

Jimbocho absolutely earned its rep, its an extremely stellar example of how history, culture, and uh land use policy can build something in one place that seems impossible in another operating under a different set of those forces. Definitely one of the highlights of the trip.

[souldagger]

hi! i was wondering if you know of any nonbinary sci-fi authors? i'm taking part of a storygraph challenge and one of the challenges is to read a scifi novel by a nonbinary author so i thought maybe you'd have a rec! thank you and hope you have a great day <3 (btw do you still have the link to the doc you had of all the vintage lgbt scifi novels? thanks again!)

DO I!!!! :DDD

Sarah Gailey - The Echo Wife (domestic scifi thriller with gone girl vibes)

Ada Hoffmann - The Outside (cosmic horror)

S. Qiouyi Lu - In The Watchful City (mosaic novella with stories that range from scifi to fantasy)

Ness Brown - The Scourge Between Stars (scifi horror ala Alien, good for some low brainpower horror thrills) CORRECTION: while ness brown goes by they/them pronouns, i don't think they've actually confirmed if they identify as nonbinary, my bad!

Avi Silver - Pluralities (bit hard to categorize but i'd recommend this one if you'd like a weird scifi novella with gender and transness as a main theme!)

Neon Yang - The Genesis of Misery (science fantasy with mechas) (i haven't read it yet, but i'm a huge fan of neon yang's other work!)

Rivers Solomon - An Unkindness of Ghosts (generation ship scifi) (another one i haven't gotten around to yet, but it's by all accounts exceptional - though, note, very heavy from what i've heard - and i really enjoyed the author's fantasy novella The Deep)

and a couple more whose work I haven't read, but who are pretty high on my to-read list:

Emma Mieko Candon - The Archive Undying

Nino Cipri - Finna

Merc Fenn Wolfmoor - So You Want to be a Robot and Other Stories

Xiran Jay Zhao - Iron Widow (tbh i've heard some mixed opinions abt this one, but it is also undeniably the most popular book on this list)

Bogi Takács - The Trans Space Octopus Congregation: Stories, Power to Yield and Other Stories (i also wanna shout out eir reading blog, which has an absolutely incredible list of resources, including the trans and intersex fiction and poetry timeline and the neopronouns in fiction timeline!!!)

as for the vintage LGBT scifi doc: why yes of course. here it is in all its 150+ book glory <3