#that being said.. i am Not okay with childish irrational jealousy

[rucow]

i must be the weirdest aquarius venus in the world, bc im actually obsessed with love and romance and relationships and i Need to be in a constant state of romantic attraction or else i'll just wither and die 💔

like, yea.. freedom is nice, but have you ever been made to feel like you're your partner's number one? like you're their whole entire world and they're (healthily) obsessed with you? have you had a lover that is your home, your safety, and your comfort? have you had a partner that encourages and supports your individual passions and hobbies the same way you do theirs? have you had a partner who only wants you and no one else? have you had a soulmate? have you been so close to another person that you start to adopt each other's words and mannerisms and interests to the point where you become the same person? no?? then what are u waiting for? who needs space and detachment and casual relationships when this other good stuff exists????? not me thats for sure 🫶

[thebiscuiteternal]

Would totally understand if you can't/just don't want to anymore; that being said, if you're up to it, I am still very much yearning for that spooky WRH takes over the Nie sect prompt.

I have actually been thinking about this a lot! The difficult part was actually the making it spooky instead of just, like, a whole lot of whump, and while I still don't think I have a fic out of it, I do have some idea notes!

Okay, going off the "no Yin Iron" of the novel, that Wen Ruohan was just a ridiculously strong cultivator driven insane by his own power, let's start with the concept that his madness was the result of a failed attempt to break through to full immortality.

From there, let's say that one of the side effects is that he's now much more sensitive to hearing/seeing spirits than other cultivators.

Which means that while he already had some knowledge of the saber spirits as a result of being one of Papa Nie's oldest and dearest friends, he can now actually see/hear them.

So during that bout of irrational jealousy/wounded pride, he knew exactly what to target to do the most physical damage.

Afterwards, he regrets this! He does! He just killed one of the very few people who understands him the most/best in a childish temper tantrum! How unbecoming of someone of his strength/station!

But he can make amends. He'll just make sure that his old friend's sons will never fall prey to a damaged saber spirit like their father.

Personally.

The obvious way to do this, in his fractured mind, is to simply take over the sect. That way he will always have the boys close to hand and he will be able to manipulate all the saber spirits however he sees necessary.

Of course, when he explains this to his two precious captives adoptees, Nie Mingjue isn't having any of it and loudly denounces him as insane.

So a demonstration of how said spirit manipulation works is in order!

Starting with one of their distant uncles (sorry, Hengbai, you're the only OC I have that fits the bill).

The boys are, naturally, horrified at what's happening to someone they grew up under the care of, with all-of-eight-and-a-half-years-old Huaisang breaking down in tears, begging for it to stop as his brother tries in vain to cover his eyes and ears to shield him from witnessing the torture.

He only puts Hengbai out of his misery when Mingjue gives in and agrees to let him access the tombs on Xinglu Ridge to "fix" the already-quite-insane sabers there.

Which makes Wen Ruohan the master of the masterless sabers on top of all the living saber-wielders, and he has all of the bloodline Nies in his grip.

Ooooh, shit.

[44-thehearteccentric-44]

Hoo boy *cracks knuckles*

1. Fictionkin + Fictionhearted.

2. The lesser ones are Grimmchild (Hollow Knight), CraftyCorn (Smiling Critters) (fictionhearted), glorified stick figures (fictional species), and Blitzen (literally one of Santa's clucking reindeer), but the highest one that's wayyyyy above any other is the Heart (Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium), kinda blending with the Robber from Chonny Jash's cover of Ain'r No Rest From the Wicked, whom I essentially consider to be "Villain Heart"; my kintype was MOST CERTAINLY not human and closest to my CCCC fan-species, ids, but still was noticeably different.

3. Yes! Fairly common. My most common shift is the excessive need to go on walks as I live in a suburban area that looks just urban enough that it triggers the "(I miss being a villain on the streets)" side/corner of my brain. I also get wing shifts and antler shifts a lot.

4. Oh, where do I begin. You see, I wasn't Heart in a past life, nor am I a psychological kin; I am an iteration of him that desperately wants to be like his true self. I am essentially him in every way except (mostly) physical form, essentially a watered down version of him; I have his personality, his flaws, his strengths, his interests (for the most part! I've kinda gone on my own path), my life even parallels his, in a way. I experience my connection constantly, every day, with irrational anger, irrational jealousy, the desire to cause mischief, inflated empathy, strong emotions, childishness albeit still logical, deeply caring about being a good person and doing good in-spite of my flaws, etc. I quite literally am him, just a version of him that's… kinda not nearly as fun.

5. I think it's fine, I have my criticisms but I find they would lead to much controversy as… the internet isn't exactly known for being rational and not filled to the absolute brim with echo chambers.

6. Dressing like Heart + wearing wings, as well as when people refer to me as Heart + "the Heart Chonny Jash" (dw, I understand I'm not the only one!).

7. Often.

8. Don't listen to what people say about your identity, so long as you're not hurting anyone it is. Valid. There are a lot of gatekeepers in the community and you shouldn't listen to them, whatsoever. Respect the elders of course but understand your own journey is individualised. It's okay to have a lot of theriotypes/kintypes, no one said there was a limit except losers who gatekeep what makes you happy. And don't stress about labels, labels only exist to form cliques.

9. I need a bird tail SO. BADLY.

10. I like to think that I am an iteration of one specific version of Heart, from an… admittedly very embarrassing source. I like to think someone, somewhere, is the creator of the story I come from, they may just not be of this world. I am of the superstition that every story ever conceptualised past a basic structure is real, out there somewhere, that we could never feasibly access. And because of it, sometimes iterations/reincarnations of those from those other worlds end up here. Personally, I believe myself and every iteration of Villain Heart are the same person, and thus when I die I will be in my true form; but my personality will completely remain the same, as that's the same as it always has been, and I will retain my memories, interests, hobbies, relationships, etc., I'll just have the memories and abilities/proficiencies and the such of my other iterations. I will still be me; that won't change. I'll just be who I really wanna be, too, yk?

I do have a scientific theory about alterhumanity that I'm more inclined to believe as it's more rooted in reality and logical but it's boring and stupid and I wanna think that I'm actually the same person as Villain Heart. Any belief is valid tho, again so long as it isn't hurting anyone!!!

@cheddarkit @stupidscav (couldn't find your kin blog ):) @nkgrimmie @the-techdub @walkinthew00ds @cooking--with--nitroglycerin @chromaticlera tagging all the kin friends I have that I can remember at the top of my head

If you are a alterhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[enstarscenarios4uu]

Hey Carat! Congrats on the new blog 🎉 anyways, can I please request a drabble for Keito, Koga, and Chiaki in a scenario where they've just had a big fight with their s/o and how they apologize afterwards? Angst with a bit of fluff, maybe? Thank youu

THIS IS SUPER LATE TOO I’M SUPER SORRY!!! orz I’m not even confident in how they turned out but I still hope you like it and forgive me for being so late!! Everything under the cut!

Keito - Will you answer?

“What do you mean you don’t have time?” You asked, he didn’t even turned to look at you. 

“I mean exactly that, I’m busy. Can’t you see it?” Keito replied as you clenched your fists, it had been like this for the last month. You knew, of course you knew he was busy attending his duties as a student council member and understood he was also busy dealing with details of his graduation, but that didn’t stop you from putting some blame on him.

He had been ignoring you to the point it felt like he treated you like a burden on his work.

“Keito, you need to relax.” You told him, unable to stand the tension in the room where you two were alone at the moment. He sent you a short glare before turning his eyes down to keep reading his documents.

“No, you need to stop overreacting and let me work in peace. Alone.” This was it, that comment was the last thing you needed to snap.

“Yeah, overreacting. It’s not like I’ve been enduring your disrespect towards me -your partner- for the whole month now.”   He rolled his eyes

“Is that what this was all about? You already know I’m busy, and you still accepted going out together. If you’re not happy, then-”

“‘I have myself to blame’, though I am the one trying to keep this relationship afloat, right?!”

“I told you I’m busy, and yet-” He stood up, finally looking at you in the eyes. He was glaring at you, until he realized the tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. He cut his own words trying to organize what he was going to say.

But you didn’t let him.

“Fine.” It was the only thing you said before running away, slamming the door shut as you went out.

Keito sat down on his chair while letting a heavy sigh out, holding his temple with his right hand just seconds after you stomped out of the student council room. Yes, at the moment he was mad and though you were overreacting. Maybe you were, or maybe he was. But now, thinking with a cold head, he felt bad. He had been stressed dealing with everything related to his graduation and now the repayment festival too, he was aware that he had been neglecting his health and- he hated to admit, he was neglecting you too.

“The hell, of course they were…”

He sighed again, looking at his phone on the table. Keito bit his lip while reaching towards it, he stared then at the screen wondering whether or not he should reach out to you now. He put his phone in his pocket and proceeded to keep working for the time being. You, too, needed time to calm down.

An hour passed, an hour became a day. Things at school got piled up and forced that day to become a week. But you didn’t contact him at all.

So one afternoon, he texted you.

“Can we talk?”

He stared at the screen, waiting for your answer.

You saw his text.

He kept waiting.

You didn’t answer.

“Are you okay?”

You saw his text.

Were you okay, really? Were you just being petty for the sake of being petty?

“Are you still mad?” “I want to talk with you in person, if possible. Are you free tonight?”

Were you still mad?

I wonder.

Will you answer?

Koga - At least you’re not so mad

Was it because he was too childish? You weren’t better, though! At least not the way he saw it, because…!! He sighed, pulling his hair with a hand. He messed up, didn’t he? Koga wasn’t all that surprised. Despite everything, he had to admit, he was just childish when it came to you. When it came to you, he was so irrational, only thinking with his heart, letting his strong emotions take control of him. Even those he didn’t want.

Like jealousy. It was because he saw you talking very closely, very comfortably, very… intimately with someone he didn’t know, he didn’t even hear how you were calling out for him as he turned away and went home after that displeasing sight. Looking back now, he had been childish. It wasn’t like he caught you actually cheating, but… that person, that person looked like they could make you happier than he -being the impulsive, childish boy he is- could ever. Looking at the picture of you two he had on his messy desk he felt his heart clench. It couldn’t be, right…? You wouldn’t, right? Then why was he so afraid of calling you or going to you right now? What an idiot he was. He wanted to apologize, but, how? How when he was obviously afraid of talking to you now? He’d end like an idiot if you (thankfully) weren’t cheating, and like a heartbroken idiot if you were.

What a dilemma.

Koga stood up and dialed your number while getting out of his room. He waited for you to answer, biting his lip with a frown. He was going to be an idiot no matter the result, so…

“Koga! Are you okay? You didn’t let me explain a thing and you just went off so I--!!” “Shut up, where are you? I wanna talk with you face to face if possible.” “Uh, well, right now I’m--”

As he opened the door of his house he nearly had a heart attack, and so did you, since you were right there and almost dropped your phones in surprise.

“...hi.” You said, nervously biting your lip. Koga stared at you, still slightly startled. He frowned, looking down. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you but I-” “You were jealous-” “Yeah I know, I said I’m sorry, so… who were they?” He asked, his heart beating fast in anticipation for your answer.

“They were a friend, I haven’t seen them since we part ways in middle school!” you clarified “So, um… I’m sorry if it looked like something else.”

Koga smiled. Of course he was going to be just an idiot.

“Then… Ugh, look, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you back then, okay?” He looked at you. “...Let’s just go somewhere, it’s on me.” You laughed.

“Alright, then…”

And as you both were walking, he couldn’t help but feel like a weight had been lift off his shoulders.

At the very least, he was glad that in the end you weren’t as mad as he expected you to be.

Chiaki - Didn’t mean it

Chiaki sat down, breathing slowly. The weight of what had happened in the last two hours finally being processed in his mind. He didn’t know how it happened, he knew it happened, yes, but… how?

He had never felt something like this. He felt like an idiot. And, honestly, he was one. At least, to you he had been one.

It was all due to the stress in both of your lives. He had all this work piled up on him, almost driving him to overwork, and you were having your own issues with your own responsibilities.

This was normal… right? All couples had their own clashes, right? So, this didn’t mean you two were through… right?

Suddenly he felt anxious. This… this could break you two apart. He didn’t want that. He didn’t mean to fight with you like that. He didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

He just… it was all the stress, pent up emotions and… oh no.

Oh no, what if you had had enough of him because of this?? What if this argument gave you a good excuse to leave him?

He couldn’t stand that thought.

He didn’t want to think that… that this time you were really done with him.

Chiaki looks at the door, and then at his phone.

... … …

After a few minutes, he walked through the door and started looking for you, hoping you too had calmed down by now.

What was he going to say? He didn’t know.

But he hoped you would forgive him.

[confessionxblog]

I am so unbearably jealous and hurt and upset about this situation and I need to vent. I used to have 2 really close friends at school. One was my freshman year roommate and one was a friend I met through my program; I think I introduced them. The 3 of us were always together, always messaging each other, always involved in each other's lives, planning trips, going out, staying in, laughing, crying - everything. My freshman year roommate, C, is still pretty much my closest friend. I know we've got each other's backs, I can trust her with anything, and I know she knows that, too. I'm not worried about our relationship. We're good. But in the past few semesters, I've had a falling out with L. It happened gradually. It started when she signed up to work at my workplace without asking me first - which, okay. I can get over that. Most of my initial anger at that was just a weird, childish feeling of "no, that's MINE." But I kept thinking about it, and even outside of my selfish reasons for not wanting her there, I had legitimate concerns. She tends to put a lot on her plate and then crack under the pressure, and this job requires a good amount of focus, planning, TIME, and emotional labor - I worried she'd either break down about it OR put it on the back burner because it's not a priority for her. I love my job, and I knew i'd feel hurt if she didn't make it a priority, ESPECIALLY if she wanted to talk to me about it. I worried I'd have to comfort her for not liking a job that I absolutely love. I worried she'd want my advice all the time, or worse - I worried she'd refuse to take any advice and dismiss my experience. I convinced myself I was being silly, that my concerns were unfounded, but within a month or two, ALL of those things happened. She talked about how she wouldn't do the job if it weren't for the good paycheck, and scoffed at me when I told her it meant a lot more to me than that. She came crying to me when she thought she wasn't good at the job, and didn't speak to me for days when I told her that there's always a learning curve and that she needed to work at it if she wanted to improve. She dismissed advice I gave her about scheduling with a "no offense, but forgive me if I don't listen to YOU because..." It was humiliating and I was angry. She'd also act like an expert when someone asked about our work, never mind that she'd only been there for less than a few months and still talked all the time about how she hadn't settled in to it yet. Anyway. The job thing was really only the tip of the iceberg. L thinks of herself as a Great Ally - someone who's always there to listen and learn and admit their fuckups - and that's true, to some extent. She's happy to learn and be a listening ear in terms of greater communities + institutional/social marginalization, and I'm glad. I admire her for that. But she does NOT do that when it's personal, when it's with people close to her, when it affects her directly. If a friend - me, C, or anyone else - tells her that she's made a mistake or done something to hurt us, her immediate reaction is to cry and make it about her. I was angry at her once because I felt like she was cutting me off socially on a trip where I was trying to meet people, so I was trying to keep quiet and keep my distance while I calmed down (hard to do, since we shared a hotel room). She could tell that I was upset, and she burst into tears and kept talking about how she didn't want to ruin my night and how she felt like such a horrible friend, and it got to the point where I ended having to comfort HER even though I was angry. It's not that I wanted her to feel sad, or that I didn't want her to express how she felt, but this is a trend with her - I feel like I'm not allowed to have any kind of emotions or to ever be upset with her in any way, because she reacts by making it about how performatively upset she is. This is ALL THE TIME. "L, I was hurt when you left me out of x." "IM SO SORRY I AM SO AWFUL I UNDERSTAND IF YOU HATE ME" "L, thank you for trying to check up on me, but you're not being helpful right now, please give me space." "OH NO IM SORRY I KNEW THAT I KNOW YOU COPE WITH THINGS DIFFERENTLY AND I SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT YOU ALONE I'LL SHUT UP NOW YOU SHOULD HATE ME" and in all of these situations, I end up rubbing her back and telling her it's ok and i don't hate her etc. etc. which is all true - I DON'T hate her - but it ends up minimizing the actual problem and turning it into Comfort L Time. And always, ALWAYS, when the comforting is over and she's calm again, she stops being willing to admit to whatever she did, and starts to play it off as "a big misunderstanding" where "everyone overreacted" and "haha but it didn't matter and we're all good now!" Where in my head, I'm saying ".....no, it wasn't a misunderstanding, no, I didn't overreact, no, we're not 'all good' if you're going to pretend you were never at fault." We've been drifting apart for months. I don't want to pretend that she's the only guilty party; I'm sure I've made mistakes, too, but I have absolutely no idea what I did. If L asks me if I'm upset or if she did anything, I'll pretty much always address why I'm hurting (if that's happening) and what I need. If I ask L if she's upset or if I did anything, she'll say some variation of "what? no! we're fine! you're great! lol" and then go to someone else - usually C - upset about how she and I don't get along anymore or there's "tension," but will absolutely never address anything with ME. back to C. Remember how I introduced L and C? I'm glad they're friends. I was glad when we were all friends! We planned a camping trip last fall together at a beach I'd never been to before, and most of the planning was "omg, she hasn't seen this, let's show her x!" It was silly and fun and I was really excited. We didn't end up being able to go - hurricane season hit - but we decided on a rain check. Well, when spring break was rolling around, L was telling me that she and C had been talking about revisiting the beach plans, and that she "wished I could come" but "knew I'd be busy." When I told her that I actually had a lot of free time that week, she was suddenly dodgy about the whole thing, saying "well, who knows if it'll work out," etc. It was blatantly obvious that she didn't want me there. She wanted to take our planned trip with C, without me. I asked C about it and she told me "no... I definitely told L you'd be free... that's why I was pushing for later in the week when you'd be here, but she kept trying to move it earlier while you were gonna be out of town..." So. It definitely wasn't in my head. She DEFINITELY didn't want me to come, and she also lied to C about it - when C confronted her, L claimed she'd never mentioned the trip to me. Ever since then, I feel like L is trying to "take" C from me. I know C is a person and she doesn't belong to any of us, but she and I are really close, and I hate feeling like someone is trying to keep us from spending time together. I would never try to make her choose between me and L; I know she loves both of us and wants to spend time with both of us, and that isn't a problem. But I know for a fact that L doesn't like it when C spends time with me. According to C, if I'm even brought up in conversation, L's attitude changes and she doesn't want to hear anything at all about things that C and I did together. She's also said a bunch of things to C about how she loves being close to her, and keeps guilt-tripping her and saying how she doesn't feel important or special or like a "priority" and it FEELS like she's trying to get C to ALWAYS put her first, ALWAYS hang out with her more, forget about her other friends because she wants to be The Best Friend. And it SUCKS! I know C can make her own choices, but she's uncomfortable, too. She feels isolated. She feels like L doesn't want to share her and it makes her feel cut off from everyone. I'm hurt by it, too, obviously. I see the thousand pictures L posts with C and I know it's irrational, but in my head, I've worked myself up enough to tell myself she's gloating/throwing it in my face. I haven't spent a lot of time with C recently because I've been in and out of town, and L knows that, and with her posting a bunch of pictures, talking/posting all the time about how much fun they're having and how close they are, and even changing her profile picture to a phot with C in it... I don't know. I think I'm just being bitter and overreacting at this point and imagining intentions that aren't there, but when my feelings are hurt, all of it FEELS like she wants me to see that they're closer now. They actually did end up going to that beach without me. C apologized and planned to take me there another time; L never mentioned it to me at all and posted a bunch of pictures from the trip documenting how amazing it was and how much fun they had together. I guess she got what she wanted, but like... fuck. The jealousy I'm feeling is irrational because I know my friendship with C is solid, and good, and healthy, and no one can really threaten that. So, I'm trying to get over the jealousy. I know it's dumb. But the anger? The anger is real. And I feel like the hurt - at least most of it - is justified. I don't know what to do. I just needed to rant.