#that being said I do hope there’s at least some songs from the new album I end up really liking

[evanpetersmybf]

Be mine?

Tate Langdon x female!reader

Summary: Meeting you was his destiny. He had to make you his so he could feel alive... It was meant to be.

Genre: Smut.

Word count: 3,172

Warnings: Virgin and inexperienced reader, mentions of bullying, self-harm (just once and is nothing detailed), obsessive and stalkish behavior, swearing, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected p in v and cumshot.

A/N: English isn't my first language and this is my first time writing smut, so sorry if it sucks or if I have grammatical mistakes or something TT. Btw, also sorry if Tate's out of character. Anyways, hope you enjoy it!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ཐི ♡ ཋྀ

Tate had another bad day. It was the usual. Bullying, failed tests, the teacher humiliating him after he couldn’t solve a simple equation on the chalkboard, his mother scolding him. Nothing seemed new, and it seemed that nothing wasn’t going to change at any point.

He needed something, a reason to live, something to make him feel alive. Because he was dead. Dead in life, which in his own opinion, was even worse than being a rotten corpse.

He headed to the music store after secretly stealing some of his mom’s money, just a few bucks; the enough amount to buy a vinyl or some CD’s. Tate was sort of a music elitist, always believing that the artists nowadays just created pure, hollow, and trashy songs. In fact, he didn’t believe those could even be considered music.

Walking around the nearly empty store, rummaging through the shelves filled with Nirvana vinyl’s, someone bumped into him.

“Oh, sorry.” You spoke, after accidentally taking too many steps back and bumping into Tate’s behinds.

He frowned, somewhat annoyed at you for disturbing his moment of peace. The blonde turned around to look at who it was, scanning your body from head to toe, taking note of your appearance. Then, his dark eyes drifted to the sign that was on top the shelf, which indicated the musical genre of the records that were on that rack. Alternative pop. His gaze went to the album you were hugging to yourself.

“Cry Baby? What type of crap is that?”

“Huh, excuse me?”

“Never mind, you won’t understand.” Tate talked in such a volatile and rude manner, already feeling superior because of his likes.

You arched an eyebrow. What was his problem? You did nothing to him and yet he was here, judging your amazing music taste.

“Well, people’s free to like whatever they want to, hmm?”

“Uh, yeah, but what’s the point of that if everything is so generic?”

“Have you ever listened to Melanie Martinez at least once?”

He shook his head no, still scowling, now fidgeting with a ring that was on one of his fingers.

“Have you listened to Nirvana?”

“Just like… Two songs?”

“Don’t tell me. Smells Like Teen Spirit?”

“Guilty.”

Tate rolled his eyes. What was going on with this generation? What happened to good music, to the greatest artists? Why was everyone just listening to trash?

After sharing your names and a few more words, debating about who was right and who wasn’t, you placed one of your hands over his right shoulder, as an attempt to stop his rant of how superior he was. And indeed, it worked. The teen stopped venting and stared at you, all confused and a bit uncomfortable. You noticed it and quickly stepped back, apologizing for touching him without permission. He told you it was okay, that you just surprised him. But deep down, that simple yet complex touch meant a lot to Tate, even if it was absolutely nothing to you.

For the first time he felt something more than sorrow.

“So… What do you think of this? I’ll make you listen to some songs by Melanie and other artists, and I’ll listen to your beloved beautiful grunge music.” You said those last words in a mocking way.

Tate huffed, clearly offended by the way you referred to his taste. Nevertheless, in the end he agreed with you.

After paying the stuff you two picked, both of you went to Tate’s place. As you walked next to him, your fingers brushed his, making his cheeks turn a light shade of red and his heart flutter. He felt dizzy, not sure about what was going on.

In his house, he took you to his room. The boy didn’t want his mother to see you, otherwise she’d be too nosy and probably scare you and push you away from him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Get comfy.” He mused, extending his hand as if inviting you to take a seat wherever you feel to.

“Thanks.” You sat on the floor, using one of the sides of the bed as a support for your back. He did the same and sat right next to you.

He was nervous. So damn nervous and excited. He brought a pretty chick to his place. The Tate Langdon, the outcast, the bullied, that Tate Langdon was in the same room with a girl? He couldn’t believe it.

“Ladies first.” Tate pointed the record-player with his thumb, and you obeyed, placing the CD in it. The music started playing.

“We could’ve used Spotify, y’know?”

“Nah, I don’t like it. I prefer the old school.”

‘Cry Baby’ was the first track that was listened to.

He squinted his eyes and rubbed his chin, analyzing the sounds, the melody, the harmony and of course the lyrics.

Although it wasn’t his style, you definitely were. The way you looked, talked, walked. How you stood up for your beliefs and didn’t allow him to step on you (even if you just discussed about music). It was new for him. He craved your independence. He craved you.

That was the very moment when he realized that you were the thing he was looking for all his life. You were the one who was meant to be his, he was meant to be yours. It was destiny. Tate truly believed it was some kind of divine prophecy, and he wasn’t going to let you go.

He was so immersed in his mind that he didn’t pay attention to the song anymore. He was solely focused on you, remembering how warm and kind your touch was, how sweet your voice was. ‘Oh, she’s mine’, he thought.

“So… That was the first track. Its name’s Cry Baby. Did you like it?”

Tate snapped out of it and bit his bottom lip. He didn’t listen to your question.

“I’m sorry, what did you?—”

“Did you like the song?”

“Ah, yeah yeah. It’s quite… Innovative. I’ve never heard something like that.”

You smiled and clapped your hands. “Of course! She’s such a genius. Let’s finish the album, hm?”

He just nodded, as a little smirk appeared on his face.

The days flew by, and Tate asked you out on many friendly dates. Or at least that’s what you thought because you were so oblivious at the fact that he had a fat crush on you.

With every hang out, you noticed that Tate was lonely. Like, really lonely. Maybe that’s why he was so clingy with you.

He told you about his family, about how annoying Constance was, about his siblings and about how his father left him behind. He also mentioned the bullying he suffered and almost talked about the self-harm but stopped himself.

Both of you grew closer, as his obsession.

Since you went to a different school, he would skip class and infiltrate your campus just to see you. He couldn’t stand being away from you. And if he did, his mind was full of you, thinking of you all day, unable to focus on his homework and tests. Tate didn’t care anymore if he failed subjects, as long as you were next to him, he was happy and alive.

The void he once felt, was now fulfilled with your mere presence. You could step on him, and he would thank you. In his twisted little mind, you were free to have everything of him.

He was willing to do anything to keep you by his side. The thought of losing was so terrifying that it would make him throw up.

Tate learned every single detail about you. Your mannerisms, your likes and dislikes, your dreams, and your fears. Everything. And that includes your schedule since you wake up, and since you go to sleep.

That was his definition of love. No one ever taught him about how to express it, and he ended up being the way he was with you.

One day he invited you over to his place. The Langdon's house was empty, and he was going to take advantage of it. No doubt.

“Your mom isn’t home?” You questioned as you followed him behind, going upstairs straight to his bedroom. Little did you know this wasn’t going to be another afternoon of playing board games while listening to some music.

“Nah, dunno where she went but she won’t be back any time soon.” He shrugged and let you inside of his private space,

You went to lay down on bed, feeling relief in your aching back after a long day at school. “Damn, I need some rest!”

Tate chuckled softly and sat on the edge, looking at you as you closed your eyes and tried to relax. He was focused on your steady and calm breathing, on how your breasts went up and down with every inhalation and exhalation. His eyes stared at your lips, at how kissable they looked. He felt a sudden desire, the intense urge to make you his. Feeling conflicted, he shook his head and tried to distract himself, pretending to ignore how aroused he was getting.

He wasn’t going to say it out loud, but of course he already had some wet dreams of you. He imagined you beneath him, your precious body shivering and responding to his touch, to his kisses. Your cunt wet and ready for him, just how he wanted to.

“Y/N…” Tate cooed, unable to hold back any longer.

“Yeah?” You opened one of your eyes and spotted him, sitting on the bed with his fists clenched over his thighs, while his breathing looked kinda rapid. “You ‘kay?”

“No.”

“Uh? What’s wrong?” You reincorporated and sat straight beside his warm figure. Your right hand touched his left, rubbing it up and down with your thumb.

Tate shoved you to the bed, pinning your arms above your head and holding them tight.

His breathing pattern was no longer normal. It was a heavy one.

His dark brown eyes locked with yours. Your orbs were wide, not understanding what the hell was going on. Or maybe you did but were in denial.

“Please. I want you.” He purred, seeing you with puppy eyes, the ones he knew you couldn’t resist.

“Hahah, you funny.”

He let out a frustrated whine, almost begging on his knees for you to get the hint.

“I’m not kidding. Pretty please. I need you.”

“Do you mean…?” You raised your head a few centimeters to look at his crotch in order to confirm your suspicions. Your cheeks had a cute blush as soon as you noticed Tate’s erection restrained by his jeans. It looked painful, and it actually was.

“Yes. I want to. Please, I truly need it. Please, please, please?” His voice was shaky and low, a needy desperate whisper. “Can I?”

This wasn’t what you expected for today. You saw Tate as a best friend, but you couldn’t deny he was handsome… And that he already provoked butterflies in your stomach before.

Hesitantly, you gave a shy nod with your head, giving him consent to continue. “But Tate… I’ve never done this before, I dunno what to do, I—” You trailed off, being cut off mid-sentence when Tate placed his lips over yours. The kiss was slow and tender, not rough at all. Your bottom lip was between his, as he nibbled it with extreme care to not hurt you.

After some seconds, he pulled apart and led his hand towards the side of your face, brushing some hairs away. “Don’t ya worry, princess. Leave it all to me, hm? I’ll be gentle. Unless you don’t want me to.” With that being said, he leaned into your neck, pressing his mouth on your sensitive flesh. He left sweet kisses, making you hum as you melted under him.

His lips continued to tease your skin, leaving some little bites between every kiss, trailing down to your collarbone. Tate stopped there and helped you get rid of your blouse, tossing it aside and continued his journey, this time kissing your sternum while his right hand cupped one of your breasts, kneading it gently over the fabric of your bra. He pulled down the straps and took off the piece of lingerie, setting your tits free.

The cold air hit you and your nipples perked up, looking ravishing and making him desire you even more.

He introduced one of the hardened buds into his warm mouth, sucking it greedily and making lewd wet sounds as he did so. His left rubbed the other nipple in circles, taking it with his thumb and index, pulling it and pinching it.

“Hmph… Huh…” You let out soft whimpers, slightly arching your back meanwhile he abused your breasts.

Tate stopped after some minutes, letting go of your nipple and looking at you, grabbing your chin and tilting your head to the side. He approached your ear and whispered, “You like this?”

“Yes…” You begged. Your voice was already ragged and shaky.

Instinctively, you pressed your thighs together, rubbing them as a pathetic try to feel some relief. Tate realized it and spread your legs with one of his hands. He took his digits right to your clothed pussy, eagerly rubbing the spot where your clit was.

“Someone’s already wet? Cute.” He giggled and took off his striped sweater, throwing it away. He positioned himself between your limbs and pulled down your pants, mesmerized as he saw your damp panties. Tate continued rubbing your bundle of nerves over the fabric of your underwear, still fascinated at how humid you were.

This was the moment he had been waiting for the past weeks. He wasn’t going to need to jerk off to your photos anymore, because now he would be able to jerk off to your tits in person.

Tate removed the last barrier that was stopping him from touching your womanhood directly. He pulled them down to your ankles and you helped him to get rid of it by shaking your feet.

He got closer to your cunt and placed your legs over his shoulder, spreading your folds with two of his large digits, blowing some air at the sensitive meat. Finally, he started sucking on your swollen clitoris, enjoying the feeling of your dampness against his face.

“Mmh…” He moaned, still toying with the nub. You grabbed him by the hair, not thinking about what you were doing. You just let yourself go and pulled him closer to your pussy, wanting to feel more. Your body twitched, unconsciously bucking your hips against his mouth that was currently making slurping sounds.

His attention changed and was now on your slit, teasing just the entrance with his hot tongue, while his nose rubbed against your clit. He lapped your pretty cunt, savoring your juices as if they were a delicacy.

Looking at your adorable face contorting in pleasure, he introduced his ring finger into your wet, tight hole. It was a slow and kind movement because the last thing he wanted was to hurt you. He slipped it deeper, pumping it in and out with care, increasing speed after a few seconds once he saw you comfortable. “Tell me if it hurts…”

“Mhm… It feels nice. Huh…” Your melodic whimpers and moans were just too much for him. He could listen to you for the rest of his days and never get tired of you.

Without further ado, he introduced his middle finger, now finger-fucking you with two. Tate’s thumb was also working wonders on your lil’ bundle of nerves in circular motion.

She was clenching around Tate’s large fingers, that he curled inside of her, hitting the right spot to make you squirm and feel a new and foreign sensation in your lower belly.

“Fuck it, I can’t wait anymore.”

He undid his belt, unzipped his pants and pulled down his boxers, quickly getting rid of them and letting them fall to the wooden floor.

You just stared in awe; it was the first time you saw one in real life.

Tate grabbed his hardened cock and stroked it a few times on top of you, finding amusing your silly reaction. The reddish tip was glistening with pre-cum, which he used as lube. He spat at your pussy and rubbed his slick saliva with two digits, before finally thrusting his dick.

He did it slowly, beginning with the head. Eventually, he pushed his entire length, hitting your cervix and stretching you out for the first time.

“Fuck, you’re so tight!” Even if he was taking the lead, he was a whiny mess, vocal and loud.

He continued pounding into you, his gaze never leaving your face. Tate loved how you rolled your eyes to the back of your head and how your little mouth was letting out such nasty sounds.

The room was filled with slapping and wet sounds, created by his skin slapping against yours, his balls always hitting you with every stab. Again, he placed your legs on his wide shoulders to have a better angle and pump into you deeper than before.

His big veiny hands were roaming all over your body, specifically your breasts. Within minutes, he developed an addiction to them. Probably because of his mommy issues? He grabbed them roughly, tweaking both of your nipples as he fucked you mercilessly.

Tate lolled his head as he felt your hole gripping him tight. Very tight.

He increased the pace and moaned your name, begging you to squeeze him tighter.

“Oh, please, please, please!” The blonde kept whining. He left one of his hands taking care of your nipples, while the other went back to torture your clit. He stroked it in circles, and then up and down, applying the enough amount of pressure to make you beg for more.

“Tate, I feel like I’m—”

“It’s okay, let it go, mhm?”

You couldn’t hold yourself any longer and squirted all over him, coating his lower body with your warm fluids.

“Oh, oh, oh, oh, gonna cum!” Tate pulled out from your cunt and pumped his cock with his hand finishing with a loud moan. His hot sticky white cum coated your breasts and abdomen, creating an incredible sight that he always imagined.

All spent, Tate threw himself next to you on the bed, pulling a blanket to cover both of you as he filled your pretty face in candy pecks.

“Did it hurt? First time usually does.” He looked at you, concerned for your wellbeing. “I was too rough?”

You laughed and shook your head no, caressing his messy locks with your fingers, tenderly scratching his scalp. “Don’t worry, I’m fine, really.”

Tate smiled at you and kissed you on the lips, “You’re so pretty, Y/N.”

You hugged him from behind, him being the little spoon this time. Your mind was going wild; you were still processing what happened and was about to drift to sleep when he whispered.

“Y/N…?”

“Mh, what is it, Tate?”

“I love you… Please be mine?”

[b00tyliciousbabe]

waves

pairing: surfer!bf x THICC!male reader

summary: oh, how i need a tall, curly headed goofball…

notes: HOPE MY LOVELIES ARE DOING WELL. trying to get through my requests, but this was a personal one of mine. slowly but surely y’all! as summer is coming to an end, it was SO necessary for me to feed my hot girl delusions at least a couple more times. also, enjoy the new style i have been experimenting with!

song rec: they. - diamonds and pearls

album rec: sabrina carpenter - short n sweet (my girl sabz ate so hard with this project, i just wish it was released in early aug so she could’ve rly CONQUERED summer 2024) THEE POP PRINCESS!

brief background:

your boyfriend was raised with a silver spoon; he’d never had to work a day in his life and everything he ever wanted, he got. well, everything except you. throwing money to impress people had worked on all of his other childhood crushes, but not you, which made him all the more determined to prove to you he wasn’t just some fuck boi the media painted him out to be. his family owned the richest resort in the carribean, and had hotels in every mega city worldwide. but wherever they travelled to, your man was never too far from a beach. call it fate, but the sea would always lead you back to him. it was where he first laid eyes on you; reading a very lengthy novel as you laid on the sand, watching your friends play in the water. after their surf practice, your mutual friends introduced the two of you and you were SMITTEN - but you couldn’t show your interest too soon. he too was whipped, and didn’t take nearly as much effort to hide it, practically drooling whilst staring at you. his mates would constantly ridicule him for his dazed expression around you, and he could never hear the end of the new nickname ‘bambi boy’ you gave him because he looked so cute when he was flustered. after weeks of regular conversation and a couple walks on the beach, he officially asked to be your boyfriend and you said yes.

when it came to finally introducing you to his family, they loved you almost as much as he did. he was the youngest of six and so he got the privilege of this. his parents especially were wishing y’all would stay together. they believed you were the perfect match for their goofball of a son.

core memory sfw:

the first time he said ‘i love you’ with TRUE meaning; you were always worried that you were just one fuck away from being forgotten, but your man made sure to constantly affirm his love for you. he brought you the biggest bouquet of your favourite flowers, and stood outside in the pouring rain, playing a mixtape he’d made for you. it was genuinely a scene out of a film, he was your knight in shining armour (a hawaiian shirt and matching shorts) and it was then that you knew that you guys were endgame.

core memory nsfw:

to say your bf loves your body is an understatement. the way he’s hooked on your body, some might say it’s borderline unhealthy. he’s so handy and keeps his hands on your ass all the time. whether it’s a spank, watching it jiggle as you walk away from him, or a full on grip as his pulls you onto his dick, he’s a man that would gladly die between your cheeks. one time during dinner you wore a wrap skirt paired with a tank top, paired with a thong that was peeping out enough to make your man’s eyes pop out of his head like a cartoon character. as his jaw dropped, practically salivating at the sight of your body moving closer to him, you picked it up and giggled, stroking his chin endearingly. for the entire meal he was practically sat right next to you, breathing in your luscious skin. ‘boy, you better calm down, we have company.’ you giggled. ‘fuck bby, how can you say that when you look good enough for me to eat?’ he whispered into your ear, trying not to bring too much attention. before you knew it you were face down, ass up and your thong was pulled to the side, as he used it as a pseudo leash keeping your pussy bouncing on his cock.

your favourite thing about him: his oddball nature.

as much as it can annoy you that he’s always cracking jokes, leaving no room for respite, your bf never fails to bring joy to your life. as the life of the party he’s always bringing that much needed energy to the dull world of his mostly corporate family. whether it be seeing you hollering at some unhinged thing he’d said, or watching him (ironically) fuck the smile onto your lips, you can tell that comedy is who he is, and you wouldn’t change your weirdo for anything.

his favourite thing about you: how artistic you are.

almost impossibly, it makes your boyfriend fall in love with you even more seeing your creativity flourish. you’re always making him jewellery out of the shells and stones you find. he loves to wear them, it gets you going when you see the necklace you made for him swing back and forth as he fucks into you. or when you feel the cold of his rings and bracelet on your waist as he holds you in position to fuck you even harder. he’s so proud of you.

his insta post: mostly just him showing off his good looks (we love a cocky man around here) and his beach flix.

surfer!bf my face is his favourite seat.

y/n: that big dick is a very close second though.

tinashe replied: @y/n, you a nasty girl fr.

sabrinacarpenter replied: @y/n girl, need you on that bed chem remix. about to do some damage…in a good way x

your insta post: almost always pictures of your creations; you like to keep your relationship with him private, that’s YOUR man, and you can get very possessive.

y/n feel free to add to your pinterest boards.

surfer!bf: baby you’re so talented 🩵

viviennewestwood: so excited to see your next collection!

surfer!bf: i love you.

y/n replied: @surfer!bf aw, i love you too babes!

plans for the future!

being with one of the greatest surfers in the world, definitely came with some amazing perks.

marriage:

oh, he’s 100% thought about it, and would definitely be the one to propose. the free spirit in him doesn’t need a piece of paper to prove that he loves you, truly. But would totally be your husband if you let him x

children:

your surfer!bf ABSOLUTELY WANTS TO HAVE A FAMILY WITH YOU! sees himself as the best father and y’all would have the cutest kids ever.

tag list:

@gayaristocrat

@multireese

@malereadermaniac

@lysanderplume

@ghostking4m

[steddieas-shegoes]

sold out, one night only

for @corrodedcoffinfest popup event for Black Friday using 'one day night only'

rated m | 2980 words | cw: implied and referenced sexual content | tags: modern era, pop star steve, rock star eddie, semi-famous corroded coffin, exes to lovers, getting back together

🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤

The poster is huge, takes up most of the board in the club announcing new events. It’s surprisingly simple for something so large.

‘One Night Only’ accompanied by a picture of Steve Harrington, recently out queer pop icon, and a date and time.

Tonight is the one night only.

Eddie stares at it, kind of wishes he didn’t feel like sobbing, and then books it out of the club.

If he’s gonna make it across town before Steve’s show is done, he’s gotta hope for the least amount of traffic he’s ever seen and a lot of luck. Maybe, if he’s really lucky, the show was delayed enough that he’s still on stage singing.

He manages to find an Uber only a block away, offers them a 50% tip if they can get him to the arena in less than five minutes, and leans his head back against the seat.

~~~~

Four years ago, when Steve followed Eddie and his band to Chicago, neither of them expected much to happen. Corroded Coffin was small town good, but they quickly found that they weren’t quite what record labels were looking for.

A small indie label from San Francisco was interested, though.

So they packed up and moved to California, and to celebrate the first recording session, they went to a karaoke bar and all took turns singing songs that you’d never expect them to.

Steve took a turn singing a Harry Styles song and it was game over.

The whole bar went silent until he was done, and then it was pandemonium as people rushed him as he got off the stage, telling him he should be famous, and that he had the voice of an angel, and that he should try to sign a record deal.

And Eddie knew he could sing; he’d heard him in the shower and the car plenty.

There was just something about seeing him on stage and knowing that Steve was meant for more that really cut into his heart and made him bleed out on that bar floor.

It was the beginning of the end for them that night.

Eddie pushed him away. Steve stopped fighting it.

Steve signed with a huge company out of New York and moved before Eddie even realized he ruined everything.

He hasn’t spoken to him since, not even the one time Dustin had to have surgery and requested everyone be back in Hawkins in case something went wrong. He was being dramatic about leg splints, but they did it anyway.

Eddie caught one glimpse of Steve walking out of the Henderson home the night that Dustin got to leave the hospital, but he didn’t stop him.

Corroded Coffin is big enough to do festival circuits, even playing on the main stage for some of them.

Steve Harrington is big enough to go to Grammy parties and duet with Sabrina Carpenter.

And Eddie is stupid enough to think he can get backstage to apologize to him for being dumb enough to let him walk away.

~~~~

When he arrives at the arena, he’s told he needs a ticket to enter. This is a fact he knew before getting here, but one he chose to ignore in hopes that he might be able to bribe someone with his romantic story.

Unfortunately, the middle aged man who reminds him a lot of Wayne couldn’t care less about his need to tell Steve he loves him.

“You and the 20,000 others in the audience, bud,” the man says. “No ticket, no entrance.”

“Okay, I know you probably hear this often, but I swear he knows me. He’d let me in,” Eddie explains, but the guy is somehow even less impressed. “Oh! Wait. I have proof.”

Eddie pulls out his phone and opens his photos. The album named ‘Stevie ♥️’ is still in his favorites, even though Robin made him promise he’d delete it after the last time she visited. He may have promised he would, but he never said when.

It’s hundreds of photos of them together, mostly selfies, personal pictures they took on dates or in bed or on their road trip or-

“I told you to delete those.”

Eddie spins around at Robin’s voice. She’s standing near the set of doors at the end of the long line of doors, two security guards flanking her.

“And I will. Eventually.” Eddie walks towards her, ignoring the man telling him he needs to leave.

“What are you doing here?” She asks even though she has to know.

She’s his friend even though she’s Steve’s platonic soulmate. She isn’t being mean on purpose. She’s just being protective of both of them.

“Robin…” he starts.

She holds up a hand. “If I take you backstage, will this be a one night only thing or a start to forever thing? Because honestly, I don’t think he can take seeing you if it’s only for you to leave right after. He’s barely-” She cuts herself off, eyes widening.

“He’s what?” Eddie pushes, needing to know what she was gonna say.

She sighs. He knew he’d get her to give in easily.

“He’s barely holding it together as it is,” she admits. “I had to bribe him to get on stage tonight.”

“Bribe him? For this show?”

“And the last dozen or so. He’s tired. He-” She sighs again, heavier. “He misses you.”

“If he misses me, then he should call. Or text. Send a carrier pigeon.” Eddie doesn’t mean for the words to bite, but he can’t help the way he feels and he knows he’s safe with Robin. She won’t take it personally or let him stew in it for too long. “It’s not like he doesn’t have access to me if he really wants it.”

“Eddie. You made it very clear you didn’t want to hear from him ever again.”

“I made it very clear that I loved him too much to hold him back. He was the one who pushed it to this,” Eddie tries.

He doesn’t succeed. Robin is shaking her head, laughing with disbelief.

“You two are made for each other. I’ll bring you backstage, but if I see a single tear shed in anything other than happiness, I’m calling Jeff and telling on you.”

Eddie can’t help but laugh. Calling Jeff isn’t quite the threat it used to be, not since Jeff got himself a very serious girlfriend who keeps him busy. Even if it was, Robin knows Jeff’s just gonna nod along, give Eddie a sad look, and move on.

He follows Robin through the door she came through, waving at the guard who was giving him a hard time– “he’s just doing his job, Eddie” – and feels his throat catch on his next breath when he can hear the beat of the music.

Steve’s pop rock sound isn’t necessarily Eddie’s favorite type of music, but he did stay up until midnight for the release of his debut album. It’s Steve. What’s he gonna do? Not listen to it?

His voice is just this side of raspy, like there’s a scratch of his throat when he hits the lower register his voice will allow. He almost sounds like when Eddie would-

“Alright. He’s got two songs left and an encore. Encore is usually just one song, but this is a special night so he may do a bonus from his new album. Don’t touch anything,” Robin sends him into the green room, waving off the security person who is standing at the door. “Don’t make me regret letting you in here. And don’t hurt yourself.”

“Jesus, Robbie, I’m not a child. I’m not gonna hurt myself-”

“I didn’t mean physically.” She gives him a sad look. “I care about you, too.”

Eddie’s shoulders fall as he breathes out. He didn’t realize how tense he’d been. Robin hugs him and moves to the door.

“I’ll make sure you guys have some privacy for a bit, but we do have a tight schedule. Security’s only here while the crew packs up,” she explains. Eddie nods. He knows the drill. He may not be an international pop star, but he deals with the ins and outs of venues often enough.

Robin leaves and the only sound is the bass thumping of Steve’s last song. Eddie looks around at how bare the room is. Usually, Corroded Coffin has to share a green room with a few other bands unless they pull off headlining the main stage. Those rooms are usually cluttered, crews and musicians constantly coming and going, leaving trash and guitar picks behind. The only thing in this room that would hint at Steve using it is a bag of half-eaten white cheddar popcorn on the table next to an empty water bottle and a mug of what looks like green tea.

Steve’s a big enough star to make absurd requests for backstage, but it’s clear he doesn’t. Eddie isn’t surprised. Steve’s never really been one to ask for things that would benefit him.

He hears the screaming, knows Steve’s just left the stage. He’s probably standing nearby, hiding behind curtains or stacks of speakers, maybe even in plain sight.

“Wait!” Robin’s voice is right outside the door.

The door opens.

Steve’s there, breathless, sweaty, hot as hell.

“Steve, you still have a song,” another woman in khakis and a polo shirt is rushing up to him, waving a clipboard in his face.

“Eddie.” Steve’s voice is rough when he speaks. Eddie can tell it’s more from emotion than the nearly two hour set list he just performed.

“Steve.” Eddie is waiting for Steve to move, for anyone to move. He can’t.

“Steve, you need to go back onstage.”

Eddie has his arms full of Steve before anyone can respond to the woman just trying to do her job. She looks like she’s a tech manager, but usually they wear all black, and Eddie doesn’t know all there is to know about an international superstar performing a concert even though he does know all there is to know about Steve.

He knows that he prefers earl gray tea with real sugar, not the green tea with honey that’s sitting on the coffee table. He knows that his favorite treats are the mini Kit Kats– “not the regular ones, they taste different, I swear!”-- not popcorn that gets stuck in his teeth for hours. He knows that he likes making places feel like home no matter how temporary he’s there, and there’s not a single item in this room that makes it feel lived in.

The woman seems to give up on getting Steve back on stage, and he’s pretty sure he has Robin to thank for it.

He has Steve in his arms for the first time in way too long. He isn’t wasting a second of it thinking about anyone else.

Steve’s sweat is soaking through Eddie’s shirt already, but he doesn’t really care. He used to love having Steve’s sweat on him; It meant he was doing something right.

He knows a reunion isn’t this easy, and any second now, Steve’s gonna pull away and yell at him, and they’ll fight and Eddie will let it happen because he deserves it and-

“I didn’t think you’d come,” Steve sobs against his neck, breath tickling his skin as his lips brush against him in an almost-kiss.

Suddenly, Eddie knows that Steve planned this. This whole sold out, one night only show was only so Eddie would come see him.

Eddie should be pissed.

Steve could have just fucking called him. Texted him. Sent a carrier pigeon!

But he’s got Steve in his arms and it’s always been pretty hard to be pissed at him when he’s pressed perfectly against his chest.

Robin is clearing the room and cursing Steve for making her clean up his messes, but Eddie can hear the fondness in her voice. She wouldn’t bother giving them time alone together if she didn’t want them to have it.

“Robin said I shouldn’t do it. She said you wouldn’t show.” Tears are falling from Steve’s eyes on Eddie's shirt. “I swore you would. She thought I was crazy.”

“You are crazy,” Eddie laughs, squeezing his arms to pull him in tighter. “Planning something this big in the hopes that I’d come to a pop concert is fucking insane, Stevie.”

“But you did.” Steve leans back and looks at him, watery smile enough to make Eddie feel like he could melt into the floor. “I knew you would.”

Eddie wants to kiss him, wants to ignore everything that went wrong and everything they need to talk about, wants to take Steve apart in this room and make it feel like home because Steve didn’t do that on his own. He doesn’t think he’s made any place feel like home in a long time.

“You put a lot of faith in a guy who let you go,” Eddie whispers.

“You showed up for a guy who left,” Steve says back.

“You only left because I pushed you away,” Eddie argues.

“You only pushed me away because you thought it was best for me,” Steve raises a brow, challenging him to keep going.

Eddie knows Steve has a response for everything, though. He’ll keep putting blame on himself the same way Eddie keeps putting it on himself, and they’ll go round and round and waste precious time that they could be doing other things. Instead of pushing, Eddie sighs and lets his shoulders drop.

“I’m sorry,” he says instead of arguing.

“I’m sorry, too,” Steve relaxes in his arms.

“We still have to talk, Stevie,” Eddie reminds him as he leans in, feels Steve’s breath against his lips.

“We will,” Steve barely gets out before their lips crash together, bruising and needy.

There’s a lot that Eddie missed about Steve. He’s spent countless hours harping over everything he messed up to himself, to Robin, to Wayne, to the band. Steve was forever going to be the one that got away.

“Can we…” Steve gasps against his mouth, hands grasping at every inch of Eddie that they can.

“What do you need?” Eddie wraps his fingers around Steve’s wrists to still him, to make him focus on what he wants.

“Just need you.”

It’s a cop out and they both know it, but Eddie’s fine with it tonight. If he has to be the one to take charge and assume what Steve wants, then he will. For tonight, he can give Steve what he wants to, and Steve will take it.

It’s a little anticlimactic when they come barely five minutes later. They don’t even get a chance to properly remove any clothing before they’re making a mess between them, moaning as if they can’t be heard.

As they come down, and Eddie manages to find a rag that may or may not have been used for other things already, Eddie sees Steve wipe his eyes.

He stops what he’s doing and drops the rag on the floor, pulling Steve close again.

“What’s wrong?” He asks because he can’t let Steve leave him again. Not this time.

“I just don’t want this to be one night only,” Steve cries.

“It won’t be, sweetheart,” Eddie assures him, brushing the fresh tears away as they fall. “We’re gonna figure out how to make it work. The band doesn’t have anything for the next few weeks, so we’ve got time, okay?”

“But I have to leave tomorrow. I have a GQ interview in London,” Steve pouts.

Eddie tries not to be distracted by his bitten-red lips, but they’re just so…biteable.

“I could go to London,” Eddie offers, only slightly joking.

Steve’s eyes light up. “You can?”

“I mean, I can definitely blow some of my savings to follow you around for a bit,” Eddie shrugs.

“As if I’d let you pay.” Steve’s beaming at him. “You really wanna come with me? Even though people will start spreading rumors and it’ll ruin your metal band image?”

“Baby, I’ll stand on that stage right now and scream to everyone who will listen that I’m yours.”

There’s still time to do that, too. Even though it can’t have been more than 20 minutes since Steve left the stage, he has no doubt that there are plenty of stragglers in the arena hoping for Steve to still come out and perform his encore.

“Some fans are kind of-”

“Crazy?” Steve nods. “That’s because you’re perfect. But they can’t have you, right? Not like I can.”

“No. Nobody gets to have me like you do.”

If Robin wasn’t banging on the door to warn them they only had five minutes, Eddie would be trying for another round. Maybe this time, he’d get his mouth on Steve instead of just his hand.

“I guess we should get to the car before fans figure out I’m still here,” Steve suggests. “And before Robin kills us both.”

“Imagine that news story,” Eddie laughs. “Best friend and manager of pop icon Steve Harrington charged with double homicide after seeing more dicks than she’s ever seen in her life.”

“Bold of you to assume she hasn’t seen mine,” Steve laughs as he pulls away. When he sees Eddie’s shocked face, he pats his cheek. “I sleep naked, babe. You knew that.”

Eddie’s face goes back to normal quickly. “Still? I thought that was just so I would-”

“I’m coming in!” Robin shouts as she opens the door. Steve turns away to finish buttoning his pants, but Eddie’s soft dick is right out in the open.

“Seriously?” Robin groans.

Eddie finishes making himself presentable and smirks. “You’ve seen what he’s got. You can’t blame me.”

“I can and I will. Car’s already surrounded, so. Hope you’re good with a hard launch.”

Eddie looks at Steve to check in. Steve gives him a nod.

“Blast off, I guess.”

[lovecla]

IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME KNOW | jack hughes.

chapter one:

<next chapter>

➴ warnings: smut (unprotected sex, creampie, mirror sex, dirty talk, public sex kinda?), drinking, curse words, jealous fmc and jack being a playboy.

➴ word count: 3.7k

➴ author’s note: this went on a completely different trajectory… sorry for being a whore you guys 😓

—♡

“FUCK, Soph, you’re always so fucking tight for me, baby.”

Jack’s moans were heaven sent. Hearing them would never get old and you were still surprised they were for you, even six months later.

“Harder, Hughes, come on,” you ordered, feeling confident that he would do what you wanted for once.

You would later find out that Jack had a dominant hand in everything— hockey, sex, games. He needed to be in control in order to be sane, and you understood, you really did, but if he didn’t fuck you harder you’d start crying at any minute.

You probably said that last part out loud because next thing you know, Jack is sinking into you again, a bit harder this time.

“Yeah? Maybe that’s exactly what I want. Wanna see that pretty, doll-like face wet with tears, while you try to fuck yourself open on my cock.”

“I fucking hate you, I hope you know that,” you mumbled, hand reaching down to touch your aching clit. “Can’t fucking stand you.”

He just smirked, and covered your hand with his, rubbing and applying pressure on your clit, making you squirm on top of him. The idea was to ride his dick quickly because it was already four in the morning and probably your fourth round, but Jack was being difficult for some reason.

“Jack, I’m being so real right now,” you moaned, feeling frustrated. “If you don’t fuck me hard and rough right now, I’ll find a dick elsewhere.”

Something like anger flashed through his eyes, and even though he didn’t say anything, you could see that bothered him. You smiled when he slammed himself inside of you, angry and rough, just how you both liked it.

You lowered your body at the same time he lifted his, and the sex dance was just to die for. No one did it like Jack, not your shitty ex, not any guy before him. He was like a sex God, always making you come at least twice before he gets to come inside the condom— or inside your mouth, or on your tits.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you moaned, voice still a bit raspy from singing and screaming at the concert you had earlier.

“Yeah? Like it like this, baby?” He whispered, his cock reaching places inside you didn’t even know you had.

You nodded, biting your lips.

Finally.

You and Jack have been fucking for almost six months now. What was supposed to be a one time thing, turned into a sex arrangement when he texted you, a week after fucking you for the first time.

You didn’t have anything to lose, in fact, it was a win-win situation for both of you. And with the way you both kept it on the low— you’re assuming he didn’t tell anyone, and you only told Grace—, not a single gossip Instagram page knew about your hook-up.

You both came at the same time— another thing that happens a lot whenever you’re with Jack—, and you sighed, loudly.

“We’re getting too good at this,” you said, wiping the sweat from your face, and getting off of him. You laid down, resting your head on his sweaty chest.

“Fuck yeah, baby,” he answered, planting a kiss on your forehead. You smiled, liking how sweet he is after sex.

You both stayed quiet for a few minutes, breathing in sync, enjoying the peaceful satisfaction of a good fucking. But then;

“How’s your album doing?”

You frowned, more surprised than anything. It wasn’t unusual for you to have a small pillow talk before any of you left, and you tried not to read much into it, because it was just that. Talking. Mostly about his games and your concerts, but nothing too personal. Talking about your songs with people always felt too personal, because your songs were your feelings.

And especially with your new upcoming album, rip to my feelings. It was your most important album yet, and you kept it really close to your heart. So Jack asking about it meant only one thing.

He, for some goddamn reason, cared.

“How do you know about it?” You chuckled, watching as the sun started to rise behind his curtains. You fucked the entire night. Damn.

“I follow you on Instagram, dumbass,” you couldn’t see it, but you would swear on your mother’s life that he rolled his eyes after speaking.

“I haven’t announced anything yet, dumbass. Tell me the truth.”

“Well, Grace might have talked about it the last time we saw each other.” You could feel him half-shrugging.

“That girl can’t keep a secret to save her life,” you giggled. “It’s fine. It's a bit hard to complete it though.”

“Why?”

There it was. Jack acting like he truly wanted to know about your stuff.

You ignored the tug on your heart and kept going.

“It’s too personal,” you started. “All of my previous songs are good and I love them, but they’re just… songs. It’s like I’m telling someone else’s story, y’know? They’re not about me.”

“Not even the horny part?” You could hear the smile on his lips.

You smacked him on the chest, smiling too. “Okay. Maybe just that part.”

“What are the songs about?”

You raised your eyebrows. “Do you own any gossip accounts?”

This time you heard his laugh.

“Not that I know of, no.”

“I guess it won’t hurt to tell you, then. It’s a bit embarrassing though,” you whispered the last part.

“Try me, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart.

He shouldn’t call you that when you were lying on top of him, snuggled and glued to his chest.

“It’s about Harris.”

“Oh, the dickhead, asshole.”

You chuckled. You weren’t even the one who told Jack about Harris. Grace did. In fact, she made sure to spread the information to almost everyone on the Devils team. Now half of the men on the team had beef with the actor. It was funny.

But Jack looked like he hated the guy. Every time Harris was mentioned, he’d lock his jawline, and his eyes would turn a different shade of blue, almost ocean like.

You wondered why, though.

“Yeah,” you mumbled. “It’s not like I still care about him, it’s just… some of the songs I wrote while we were still together, and the others I just… they kept coming and I’m not a girl to hold back.”

He snorted. “That you aren’t. You’re a feisty, little kitten.”

“Call me that again and I swear to God you’ll never fuck me again.” You said, fake mad. He laughed, again.

“Noted,” he murmured, running his hands through your hair. “For the record, I don’t think it’s embarrassing for you to talk about him. I hope you wrote really mean things about him and I hope he gets dragged on the internet by all of your fans.”

You audibly laughed.

Jack was incredibly funny whenever he got that sassy man attitude on him.

“Jesus, you’ve been around Grace way too much.”

He went silent for a while, both of you staring at the sunrise in front of you. It was peaceful, and warm. You could feel the sleep making its way inside your body and it was more than welcome.

“Can you sing a bit for me?” Jack whispered. You were once again surprised by his actions, but you did what he asked anyway.

“This one’s called opposite,” you took a moment to organize the lyrics in your head, before starting.

“Oh, so you do have a type and it's not me.

Oh, so you can reply, just to not me.

If you wanted brown eyes, I coulda got contacts.

So y'all are in Paris now, guess it's public.

Face like that other girl you're in love with.

You knew I would see that.

You knew I would notice. She looks nothin' like me”

You could feel his arms squeezing you, and you smiled through the sad song.

“Sorry, my voice isn’t great now. I think I fucked my vocal cords up with how much I screamed for you tonight.” You apologized, tone playful and sleepy.

He gently moved underneath you, grabbing your chin and locking his also sleepy gaze with yours. “Your voice is perfect,” he says, voice soft. “And I really like your eyes just like they are.”

You smiled, leaning in and kissing him softly. His tongue on yours made you feel all jelly-like, as it always did.

“Thank you.” You whispered, letting sleep take over your body.

— ♡

THE clock read one p.m. when you woke up, Jack’s body crushing yours with its weight. You mentally reprimanded yourself: rule number one of one-night-stands: never spend the night.

Yet you still did it.

You tried to get out of bed without waking him up; no success.

“Where are you going?”

You stretched your body, feeling sore and tired. You noticed that you were naked too. Ooops.

“I’m going to my house, lover boy,” you smiled, putting your hair up in a bun and looking for your clothes. When you found them, you put them on and made a mental note to start bringing extra clothes to your hookup sessions.

Not that you were planning on spending any more nights at his place. It was just because it is uncomfortable to wear dirty clothes.

Jack sat on the bed, shirtless and so fucking cute. How could a man look that cute five seconds after waking up?

“Will we see each other next week?” He asked, looking directly at you.

“Huh, maybe we’ll see each other tonight? Nico invited me and Grace to his birthday party. Are you coming too?”

He looked confused for a second before letting understanding take over his face.

“I almost forgot about that, God,” he ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah. Then I guess I’ll see you tonight.”

He got up, standing in his naked glory and morning wood. You whistled, laughing right after. He rolled his eyes at you and put on his boxers.

“Bye, then.” You whispered, feeling your chest hurting for some unknown reason. You walked towards the door, but just before you left his huge ass room, you felt his hands on your waist, pulling you close to his naked chest.

He kissed your forehead gently before smiling at you. “Bye, Soph.”

You left his house like your ass was on fire.

— ♡

liked by nhl, tatemcrae, dixiedamelio and 789,982 others

sophiamontenegro happy nicohischier day to those who celebrate 🤍!! can’t explain how much i adore u.

View all 5,615 comments

nicohischier ❤️😌

user1 RUE WHEN WAS THIS?

user2 didnt know my girl was a hockey fan

user3 y’all acting like she didn’t sing at the devils charity gala like six months ago and posted a picture with nico’s jersey too 🤣

user7 user3 No bc fr and nico once posted a picture at her concert like?? People are so dumb lmfao

user4 user7 user3 the only thing that’s surprising here is JACK HUGHES liking this post and following soph. When did this even happen????

user5 she’s so goddamn fine lord help me

user6 When’s the new album coming out 😓

sophiamontenegro user6 soon my love i promise!

— ♡

“HAPPY birthday, Nico!”

Nico Hischier was one of the nicest people you’ve ever met. In these six months that passed, you’ve grown so fond of him it was almost comical. But you couldn’t help it— he was just a big, fluffy teddy bear.

“Hey there, cutie, thank you,” he hugged you tightly, before moving to Grace behind you. “Hi, Gracey lady,”

You smiled, taking in Nico’s Monterey type of house. It wasn’t your first time there, but anything was better than watching Grace and Nico passive-flirt with each other.

“Hi, Nico, happy birthday.” You heard your best friend say.

His house was somewhat full: lots of hockey players and their girlfriends, Nico’s family and some other friends.

And right there, in the open living room, sitting on the couch beside a… girl. A blonde, gorgeous girl, was Jack Hughes himself.

You raised your brow at him, and he raised his to mimic yours.

“I ordered pizza for everyone, but there’s also plenty of food in the kitchen, Ma prepared it all,” Nico brought your attention back to him, and you smiled. “And vegetarian pizza for you, Grace.”

You saw your best friend turn every shade of pink before she managed to say a little “thank you”. Adorable. You loved them a lot.

The doorbell rang again and you both moved out of the way so Nico could greet whoever was behind the door. Grace took you straight to the kitchen, talking about how she needed a beer.

“Did you know he was going to be here?” Grace asked as she reached for the bottle in the freezer.

“Who?” You played dumb, opening your own bottle.

She poker-faced you.

“You know damn well who, girl,” she closed the freezer and stood in front of you, on the other side of the counter.

You both looked at the living space and saw Jack sitting on the couch with the same girl from before. He didn’t seem to be particularly enjoying himself, but the girl certainly was.

“Yeah, I did. We talked this morning.” You shrugged.

“Does it bother you?”

You were ready to say no and move on with your night but even though it wouldn’t be a lie, it would still feel like one.

Jack wasn't your first fuck buddy, just the one who lasted longer, and that was probably why your head was all messy. Dating was certainly out of the question because of how traumatized you got by Harris, but what you had with Jack wasn’t just… sex.

At least not for you.

And you didn’t know Jack before, but you may or may not have looked him up online and you saw how long his dating list was. Literally, that guy had a mission and that mission was to fuck every Jerseywoman there is.

But he did seem to settle down when you guys started fucking a few months ago, so you never put much thought into it.

Until now, you guess.

“I don’t know,” you answered, honestly, because duh, that was Grace and she would know if you didn’t. “I don’t like it, that’s for sure.”

“It’s alright. More songs for you to write,” she joked and you smiled.

“You’re right.” You said, taking a long sip of beer.

You heard your name being called and you saw Nico in the living room, yelling your name. You chuckled and left the kitchen with Grace behind you. Greeting everyone— and, proudly! Not even looking at Jack twice!— you sat on the floor beside Trevor Zegras, cringing when he put his arms around you.

“How’s Dixie doing, Zegras?” You asked, and heard some people laughing.

Trevor frowned. “We broke up,” he said, like it was a well known fact. Hell, he had to be grateful you even know who Dixie was.

“Oh,” you started, smiling. “I did notice the streams of my break-up songs going up but I didn’t know it was you.”

“Fuck you, asshole.” He pouted like a baby, and everyone was laughing now. Even Jack. Not that you noticed or whatever.

“Ask me again in five years, I might say yes.”

The rest of the evening went well, the pizzas arrived, everyone ate and you were happy. Even if you had to watch every girl in there surrounding Jack like they wanted him to be their baby daddy.

You finished your fourth beer, feeling a little tipsy and desperate to pee. You excused yourself and went to the bathroom, silently complaining about how far it was from the rest of the house.

You found the huge upstairs bathroom— the downstairs one was occupied— and went on with your business. Washing your hands, you wondered why you were feeling so weird that evening. Why did the fact that Jack still talks to other girls bother you so much?

Hell if you knew the answer.

You opened the door, holding in a scream when you saw the man in front of you.

“What the fuck, Hughes?!” You angrily said, heart practically in your mouth.

“Sorry,” he whispered, smirking and not looking even the tiniest bit sorry for scaring you. He stepped closer and wrapped his warm, calloused hands around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “‘Needed you.” He mumbled, before locking your lips together.

As his sweet, pillowy lips brushed against yours, you couldn’t do anything but melt in his arms, putting yours around his neck, and standing on the tip of your toes so you could reach him.

It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since the last time he’d been inside you but it didn’t matter. Your panties were starting to feel sticky again and you felt yourself clenching around nothing, your insides already used to his thick dick.

He probably had the same idea as you, because he pushed you inside the bathroom again, locking the door behind him, without breaking the kiss.

“You’ll need to be quiet, okay, baby?” He whispered in your ear, turning you around until your hands were placed on the bathroom sink vanity, looking at him through the mirror. “We don't want anyone else hearing you, do we?”

You smirked, the alcohol making you a little braver. “I don’t have a problem with that. At all.”

He lifted your skirt and pulled your panties to the side. Oh, so this is how this is going to be.

“I don’t fucking share, Sophia.” He said through his teeth, taking his cock out, and you remembered to answer him before you started drooling.

“And you think I do?” You replied, thinking about all the girls downstairs, who would probably pay to be in your place right now.

He stared at you, eyes confused and mouth a little bit open. You pushed your ass back towards his crotch, wanting him to forget about your little slip up. You didn’t know where the possessiveness even came from but hell if you’d let him catch on it.

“Fuck, I didn’t bring a condom, and I know that Nico doesn’t have any here, he’s probably waiting until marriage or something.” He said, running his hands through his hair.

“You can…” you bit your lips, looking directly into his eyes. “You can come inside, I’m on birth control,” you whispered, knowing it was risky. You have never fucked anyone without protection before, and you knew it was probably extremely shitty and you would regret it in the morning but. Horny you didn’t think properly.

“Fuck. Are you sure?”

You saw his reflection in the mirror, his blue eyes dark and full of lust. You nodded once, and he shook his head too, spitting on his hand and spreading it on his dick. It wasn’t even needed with how wet you were, the possibility of getting caught at any time exciting you in ways you never thought possible.

He entered you in a quick, rough move, knowing that you didn’t have much time before someone— Grace or, fuck, even Nico himself— came looking for any of you.

It wasn’t his first time fucking you from behind but it was possibly the hottest one. Looking at him behind you, towering you with his body while you were bent over like some cheap whore did wonders for your horny thoughts.

You moaned loudly, knowing that you needed to be quiet but not really caring. This was too good to be silent.

Jack thought otherwise, though.

Without stopping pounding into you, he fisted your hair into a ponytail and pulled you, until your back was glued to his chest. He wrapped his other hand around your mouth, muffling your sounds, while fucking himself deeper into your pussy.

“Shut the fuck up, Sophia,” during sex, he only used your name whenever he was really pissed, and apparently this was one of those times. “Don’t need anyone hearing how much of a whore you actually are.”

You panted, tears forming in your eyes, but you knew you couldn’t shed a single tear. Your makeup would smudge and you would have to explain the fucked out look in your face.

Jack let go of your hair, using that hand to cover your mouth instead, while his right hand rubs on your clit, quick and precise. Your legs are one step closer to giving out so you gripped the counter like your life depended on it.

The sound of his hips meeting your ass was loud and you prayed to God that no one was behind the bathroom door because it would be obvious to anyone what was happening inside that bathroom, it smelled like sex and sweat.

“Fuck, uh, come for me, baby, c’mon,” Jack whispered, hands still on you, dick fucking you hard and rough, leaving your insides raw and deliciously hurting. “Come on my cock like the good girl you are.”

The praising, a rare occasion if you may add, did it for you, and you came on his cock, not fighting the tears anymore, and watching in the mirror as Jack bent you over the sink again, fucking you fast, using you, looking for his own release.

It was the first time you ever felt someone coming inside of you (your ex-boyfriend hated how messy it’d get), and fuck if that didn’t do something to your brain chemistry. It also did something to Jack, apparently, seeing how he couldn’t take his eyes off where you both were connected, watching as his cum dropped out of your used pussy as he removed his dick from you.

“Jesus fuck, Soph,” he breathed, and you chuckled, knowing exactly what he meant. Yeah, you thought, Jesus fuck. “You’re a fucking dream.”

You smiled, trying to regain your composure. “Do you think they noticed we were gone?”

He smirked, while grabbing a piece of paper and wetting it a bit, before wiping you. Oh. “‘Dunno. But they know we’re hooking-up so.” He shrugged.

“What do you mean they know?” You raised your body, looking at him surprised. You’d thought he hadn’t told anyone.

“I told them,” he frowned, probably misinterpreting your reaction. “What? Wasn’t I supposed to? I can tell them I was lying if that’s what you want.”

There it was, your heart doing a fucking hip hop choreography again.

Stop, you stupid thing.

“No, it’s fine, I just… I didn’t think you wanted them to know, that’s all.” You shrugged, putting your panties back on, feeling sticky and uncomfortable. He had cleaned you the best he could but there was still cum coming out of you.

“Are you kidding?” He laughed, putting his pants back on, trying his best to look normal too. “I couldn’t stand the guys talking about you whenever they saw you, so I just had to, you know, claim you I guess.”

You laughed at his choice of wording. What did that even mean?

“That’s such a playboy move, number eighty-six.” You rolled your eyes, trying to remove the stains of mascara under your eyes. “I don’t care that you’ve told them, really.”

When he was done fixing his shirt and jeans, he picked you up and made you sit on the counter, making you wince with how sensitive you were.

Then, he kissed you like he was making a statement. Gentle and subtle, but a statement nonetheless.

What he was trying to state, though, was a completely different question.

“Come on, pretty,” he whispered, against your lips. “I still want to beat Trevor’s ass in Mario Kart.”

You laughed, throwing your head back.

“Not if I beat him first.”

[putschki1969]

The "rito" Situation

Following my post about Hitoshi Konno, I thought it would only be fitting, to round up some info on rito as well, especially after the most recent announcement. When the detailed lineup for YKL Vol#21 was released, many people were not only shocked by Keiko's absence, they were also wondering why rito was not included. I received as many questions about her as I did for Hitoshi Konno but I didn't really feel qualified to talk about her (I still don't really but now we have a bit more information to work with). There's not much to say here and also, her connection to Kalafina (and Keiko's situation) is peripheral at best so I will keep this short.

Today, on January 31 2025, rito announced her departue from Highway Star. Her contract will officially end on March 31 and it seems like no attempts have been made by either rito or the agency to extend said contract. It sounds like it was mostly rito's own decision to distance herself from her current situation so that would also explain why she's no longer participing in YK events as regular member. Judging from her personal comment and Yuki's tweets on the matter (she has nothing but kind things to say about her), this is most likely a standard case of moving on due to a lack of creative opportunities. Perhaps she didn't find what she was looking for or she simply exhausted all possible avenues at Highway Star or maybe she had hoped to gain more from her collaboration with Yuki, who knows. Obviously, these have been some valuable experiences for her but now she is seeking new paths.

Even to a casual onlooker like myself it does feel like she kinda fell along the wayside during these past few years and not much was invested in her. As far as I know, she did have a couple of solo releases and a dedicated song from Yuki on the PARADE album but other than that, nothing much to write home about. Her appearances at lives and events were a great bonus of course but despite frequently being referred to as "regular member", both her and Lino Leia didn't have a lot to do. Maybe that's changing now with all the restructering taking place but sadly, rito will mostly likely not benefit from that. Yuki did include her in one of her "top secret" recordings from last year so we'll see if that will lead to anything at least. It's a shame she wasn't used more, I like her voice a lot more than Lino's tbh and it fits better with Yuki's style of music if you ask me...but one has to admit that Lino is the more seasoned singer among them with what appears to be a lot more experience handling her own solo stuff so my best guess is that she's quite happy with the current arrangement since she can effectively juggle all of her activities. In contrast, rito seems to have been a newbie with no established solo career. Also not sure about their exact age but I'd assume that rito is probably a bit younger than a lot of Yuki's other vocalists (could be completely off on that though, I've honestly no idea how old any of them are but rito just comes across as quite young).

Circling back to Kalafina for a little bit here. Just the other day I was having some discussions in the reply section of one of my posts and among other things, I was talking about why Hikaru (and even Keiko) would have never considered signing up with Highway Star during all these years. After all, Keiko could have just as well joined Highway Star instead of Tristone back in 2020 when she made her solo debut. And Hikaru has been a struggling freelancer for quite some time now so a contract with a seemingly decent agency (with the added bonus of an official Yuki Kajiura affiliation) would have sounded like a good idea to me. We don't know of course if it was entirely their choice or if Highway Star (and Yuki) were not willing to negotiate something with them. Whatever the reason might have been, now I am thinking it was maybe for the best that they never joined. Their management of rito was certainly not great.

[argumentl]

Kaoru Interview - Burrn! Japan Vol.23 (Feb 2024)

Interview by You Masuda

FAN TRANSLATION

(Note: This interview was held mid-way through the Phalaris Final tour)

The next person to interview was Kaoru, straight after Die. When I asked Kyo about new material going forward, he simply said, 'Ask Kaoru about that', but to be sure, if there is any member creating the blueprints for future new material, there is no doubt that its Kaoru. Of course, I'm aware that its slightly too soon to be asking such things, but I started the interview hoping to at least pick up a few hints.

ーYou are currently mid-tour, but after finishing both days at Zepp Haneda, how are you feeling about it?

Hmm. Its quite.....exhausting (lol). It consumes a lot of energy, much more than we usually use for live shows. Phalaris has a lot of power packed into it, and you really feel it bearing down on you. I'm not even trying to be that active on stage, but still....its tiring (lol)

ーBy that you mean its something different from physical tiredness?

Yeah, the tone, the content of the show, there is a heaviness to it, its something that you just can't approach half-heartedly.

ーKyo said that the songs are all hard work to sing this time. As for performing, there seems to be a lot of songs that you just can't relax through.

Yeah, its the same when playing. It really questions the type of person who is stood there playing on stage...this isnt the type of stage I can just stand around carelessly on. I mean, not that I'm like that anyway (lol). But there is something about it where I just can't express myself unless I fully throw myself into that world. It feels like a heavy weight crashing down on me for this tour.

ーThis is the third tour in the Phalaris cycle, but I get the feeling the first two rounds were not as heavy as this?

They weren't. The first round was quite tasteful, and in the second round we emphasised the 'live' element of it more, it was like a lighter version. If its too heavy from the beginning, its kinda tough on the audience too.

ーWould you say this is an album with such a heaviness that it requires this kind of considered moderation?

Yeah, but we did think we need to moderate this tour too. If for example, we were to do a single limited live show in a big venue to close Phalaris, that would be even more intense. In the shape of a tour, there are times when we are reaching our absolute limits. Thats how tough it is (lol) It didn't seem right unless each show of the tour encompassed that sense of weight and culmination.

ーIn other words you are almost right at your tipping point?

Yes. If we were to increase the intensity further, there is no doubt that the shows would collapse into chaos...which may be ok in some sense, but then we would be unable to continue touring properly.

ーYou touched on this earlier, but don't you have any plans to do a seperate finale for Phalaris in a big venue at any point?

No, we aren't thinking about that, not for now at least. It doesn't mean there is a zero percent chance, but recently there just isnt the venue availability for that kind of thing. This has been going on for a few years now. If we had been able to find a big venue before announcing the tour, then this tour wouldn't have been seen as the 'Final'. So in a sense, ending Phalaris in this way is very rooted in actuality. It probably still would have been this heavy though, even if it wasn't labeled as the final.

ーFor Uroboros, you held a finale live in Osaka jo Hall after a bit of time had passed. Is there no possibility of such a thing happening for Phalaris?

Well, I don't know. Its a timing issue. If we found the perfect venue at the perfect time, and if we were all mentally in that space....I mean, it will be easier to know as time passes, but if we are mentally for it, there may be a possibility.

ーYour answer has raised my expectations somewhat, but I'm not going to get too carried away for the time being. Have you discovered any new feelings towards this album during the current tour?

Hmm....I've been thinking its a good album (lol)

ーIts not like you to sing your own praises (lol)

Well, I mean, after this, if we realease a new single, there will probably be Phalaris-like elements to it, but even putting that to one side, so many of our past songs just fit really well alongside Phalaris. So I think we have been very true to ourselves with this album. Although it sounds a bit odd for me to say that myself (lol). I'm not entirely sure about the overall balance of the album as a piece of work, but it fits so well with our other songs, there is a mysterious feel to it.

ーFitting with your other songs may have something to do with it, but at the time you completed the album, you also said that it contains every part of Dir en grey. I'm sure you werent consciously thinking that while you were making it though.

No, I think I was at times. Of course, this isn't the end for us, but I was thinking that IF the band were to end now, I would want this to be seen as our best work. So as for consciously putting all of Dir en grey into it, no, I don't think thats wrong.

ーMaking the album with that much conscious effort means its not all new. There are links to the past, as well as that link to pull you forward onto your next step.

Yeah, and I've been feeling this even more so on the current tour. That's why I've been thinking this is a good album (lol)

ーI love hearing this kind of thing from the artists themselves. Hearing about the songs fitting well reminded me...With all these songs from Phalaris in the setlist, certain other songs might also come to mind, but to hear songs like Different Sense and Downfall in there, its like they were meant to be. That may be an odd way to describe it...

Heh, I understand. They wouldn't be out of place even if they were on Phalaris. We didn't choose to include specific types of songs while we were making it, but if you search through our past music there are some things that do just roll into place. Its probably going too far to say I was realising this when completing the album, but I feel like I can see Phalaris more clearly now. With this tour, I really do feel that sense of completion.

ーThat may be what a sense of completion actually means. You finally reach that point after realising for yourself what the flow of your past work has created.

Yes.

ーIn that sense, I think this is a very interesting outcome. But with such an intensity to the show from the outset, there is the possibilty of the audience being left behind at somepoint, if you don't get it exactly right.

Hm, I wonder. Some people might have felt that way about Phalaris 2, but this is just us being us. Its just not blowing up with excitement at the end this time, its kind of a different feeling from what we've done previously. The heaviness of the mid-section of the show is due to us being thorough, but I don't feel like its exceptional (lol)

ーAs you just said about the end of the show, closing with Kamuy is a bit different from the feeling we usually get at the end. Did you choose to play this song last, in line with bringing Phalaris to a close?

Well, it was also the first tour to play Kamuy. If we had played it at previous tours, it might have ended up in a different spot in the setlist. But for sure, to play it for the first time at the final, it could go in no other spot. Even if we were to do a seperate final in a big venue, I think it would still come at the end of the encore, not the end of the main.

ーEnding the live with the disquieting tone of Kamuy in the air, then raising the lights and bidding farewell to the audience...even with this familiar parting scene, its quite different from past tours.

With that we simply just want to say thank you to the people who came. Its a way to express thanks at the end of each show. We could just disappear off stage after Kamuy if we wanted to, but as I was saying before about 'the type of person who is stood on the stage', I want to keep this time that I have to express my thanks to the peole who come to see us. I mean, the 5 of us could all gather together in the centre for a farewell or something too, but that kind of structure somehow doesn't seem very 'us' (lol)

ー Yeah, lets save that for another occasion (lol) By the way, it must have been a difficult transition to go from finishing this phase of Phalaris, to confronting the new single 19990120.

Well, it wasnt easy. We did the 25th anniversary tour last year, so from there it was like, 'Should we do some old stuff?'. We would usually be looking at doing new material at this kinda time, but we talked about it, and what with covid and such, we thought there might be a few people out there who hadn't been to see a live show for a while. So we thought we could use some kind of tool to get more people coming back as we move forward. Not in the sense of making an album of self covers or anything, but since the 25th anniversary of our debut is in Jan 2024, we thought we might as well try something. We just wanna try out what we can, because of course there is always loads that we can't.

ーYeah. Self covers or remakes can give the impression of being backwards looking, but as we talked about how past songs have fit so well in the current tour and helped you realise how far you've come, it could be said that looking afresh at these songs from 25 years ago might be the link to future discoveries.

Whether or not this links to new things is hard to tell untill we do it, that wasn't really in my mind. But for now its more like a tool to stir up the 'Lets go and see Dir en grey again' feeling. I can say this, back in the day there were a lot of so-called heavy bands I used to go and see. I admired them and started my own band, I'm that kind of person too (lol) But I think a lot of people like that eventually start to think 'Ah, I havnt listened to that kind of music for a while', they even stop listening to music at all sometimes. Or if they do listen, its the same stuff they listened to back in the day. I wanted to strike a chord with those kind of people and get them thinking about coming to see a show. As well as letting them connect with Phalaris, its just a good starting point to get back in. So these new remakes are part of a plan, as opposed to something we just really wanted to do.

ーDir en grey have rerecored old songs in the past, but those past remakes have been more about updating old songs to match the contemporary sound of the band. Was there no such intention this time?

Its not like there was NO intention, of course, we wanted to put some of our current selves into them while making them. But we didn't want to change them outright. So in that sense, they are different from our past remakes.

ー Without trying to make any big intentional changes, you wanted the natural differences between then and now to shine through?

Yeah, that kind of thing. I think in that sense, we achieved our aim.

ー I see. I actually dug up an old interview from 25 years ago, and have been re-reading it. In it you were speaking about the background to each song and such, but Kaoru, how did you feel back then about releasing 3 songs at once for your major debut?

I though it was a great talking point, but it was hard work (lol) We had first talked about releasing two songs. So we went to LA with this idea and got to work in the studio, but then it somehow got suggested to do three songs. I honestly didn't even know how we were gonna get even two songs recorded, so I was rather skeptical that we could manage three. (lol)

ーWhat song was number 3?

That was Yurameki. We had started pre-production on all three at first, and sent them to Yoshiki. After that we chose the diametrically opposed Zan and Akuro no oka as the two songs to record. But when we went to LA, it was like, 'Ok, lets just do all three'.

ーI can hear the voice of your producer when you say that (lol). Back then, it wasn't that unusual for two songs to be released as a single at once in this category, but three had a big impact. What kind of things made a big impression on your memory back then?

Firstly, there were a lot of people around. Also, it was non-stop photoshoots and interviews. I was always writing music within this kind of bustling situation. It was really easy to lose focus of where we were heading with it all, so I tried to keep a tight hold on only that. But there were still a lot of days where I just had no idea what I was supposed to be doing.

ーYou were having like, 10 interviews at day, right? Wasn't it a bit like those artists who come to Japan for promotion, but like every day?

Yeah, even for photoshoots we would have 3 different studios booked, going here, going there, interviews in between, every time.

ーI'd like to ask about the three songs. On the new release, Yurameki is song number one. Was there any meaning behind recording them in this order?

After finishing the arangements, when we were starting the recording stage, we thought this order would be good based on how the song starts and ends. Its only for this reason.

ーI was going to ask more about the song order, but as for Yurameki, it was a bit of a curve ball for Dir en grey back in the day, wasn't it?

No, not really. We had melodious songs even then, I didn't think it was that much of a curve ball. Its Shinya's song, but he had been writIng songs during the indies era too. It was a recognition of our Shinya-esque songs.

ーAt the time, you said, 'Its a pop song, but we wanted to change up the style'. Does that mean you thought a lot about how to put it out there?

In the end, if we kept it ordinary, it would end up sounding like a totally ordinary song. I actually paid a lot of attention to parts that you wouldn't notice even if you listened to the song (lol). For example, the chord work. Yoshiki would tell me to do impossible things like, 'How about we try this?'

ーWhat do you mean by 'impossible'?

To put it simply, impossible chords and stuff. (lol) But he would say, 'Its only for the recording, so its ok, right?' So we changed our plans, and recorded all the chords one string at a time, then layered them up to make the sound. Not like playing every string simultaneously, but recording phrases one string at a time. So in the end the texture of the sound came out with more of a bang. I was spending a lot of time on those parts that no-one would probably notice.

ーIn other words, you deconstructed the song during recording.

Yes, I took advantage of the fact that they were chords that couldn't be played normally, and recorded them in a way which was unique to the studio.

ーI see. And about the songs Akuro no Oka and Zan, Yoshiki's opposite comments about both songs are in this old article. You said that for the former, he said he was concerned about the collision of sounds, and for the latter, he said 'I don't care about the collision of sounds'.

Heh, that sounds about right.

ー The collision of sounds. These are words I sometimes hear. In short, its where sounds are mixing at a place and a time where they shouldn't, right?

Yes. Maybe its because I'm a guitarist, but I tend to like adding more and more sounds and layering them up. I would suggest something like, 'I want to add this kind of phrase here', and Yoshiki would say, 'No, that gets in the way of the other sounds, change it'. So I would add something different, and he would say, 'No, thats no good either. Do you really need to add something here?'. For me it was like, 'well, I may not need to, but I want to'. It might be a guitarist thing. I say this, because Yoshiki did tell me, 'HIDE was like that, always wanting to add extra stuff in'. (lol)

ーIt must have sent shivers down your spine to hear that. In addition to this, you also said about Akuro no oka, that 'Including the guitar solo, the developments in this song are really satisfying to play'. Is it these chord progressions and such that feel pleasant to guitarists as a rule?

That is part of it. I've always felt comfortable playing this song. But when we were doing the remake, I did wonder whether I should try to go even further with it. Like, could I make it feel even more satisfying? I did actually try it, but it ended up feeling so good, it didn't line up with the original song anymore (lol). So I gave that up. It wasn't Akuro no oka anymore, it had a kind of palacial feel to it. I thought this wouldn't work (lol)

ーI feel like I also want to hear the palacial version, but we do need to preserve the foundations of the song, right? (lol) Okay, so next, the complete opposite of Akuro no oka, Zan. The song itself had been around from the beginning, and it seems like it went through many minor changes to get to where it was?

Well, because we had played it a bit live. But originally, we made it in the studio with me just telling everyone stuff like, 'Im gonna play this part like this, so you play the drums like this' etc etc. And then for the CD release, I actually remade the arrangement, so we could do it properly.

ーGenerally speaking, this is the least fitting of the three songs to be a single. Did you ever question or doubt putting this out as a single?

No, I definitely wanted to release it. So much so as to even say 'I want Zan as the first song' (lol). But it would be tough with only Zan, so thats how we came around to the idea of releasing two songs. Like, 'It has impact, but we need something with a different feel to it too'.

ーI see. It might have been a lot different if not for this decision. The three songs were recorded at the studio 'ONE ON ONE' in LA. (Note: This later became 'EXTASY STUDIO' when Yoshiki bought it, and is now in the hands of a different owner under the name '17 HERZ STUDIO'). This place was well-known for being used by Metallica, but how was it, recording overseas so suddenly?

Well, it was super luxurious. I've never had such a cushty recording experience since (lol)

ーDid you feel like, 'We made it!'?

No, I didn't. Not that long before that I had being doing home recordings, or usIng super tiny studios etc up until our indies era. So no, even being placed in that situation didn't make me feel like we'd made it. It was more like, 'Okay, what do we do now?' (lol) Being in that unfamiliar environment, there was a lot of pressure to make something lasting. We had unlimited use of equipment, but at that stage in our growth, we had limited knowledge, and undeveloped ears. So even if we heard something, we were unable to tell whether or not it really sounded good. It was me, who listened to nothing but heavy music, being told, 'Maybe this sounds better?', but then just responding, ' Nah, I just wanna make it sound more distorted'(lol) I only ever had this kind of exchange back then. But of course, my knowledge, brain, and ears were not fit for that environment. It was a bit of a waste in some sense. But it could be quite interesting if we were to do that kind of thing now. I didnt understand how the sound of a studio works back then, but if it was now, as well as having understanding, I would be able to really experiment with different things. I'd understand about mic positioning, about creating ambience, and all sorts. But back then I knew nothing. (lol)

ー Its seems almost pointless to be in that environment with such a lack of understanding and appreciation, but I think the experience itself probably meant a great deal to you, right?

Yes. I learned the importance of taking time to make something. Looking at a song from different angles, trying to dig into it in different ways. Before that things were never really much deeper than, 'Ok guys, lets make something'. I learned how to put great care into my work for the duration.

ーIts a very valuable thing to learn early on that its not all easy. Ok, so in January you will hold the FC limited live shows in Kawasaki and Osaka. You'll be in 25th debut anniversary mode in mid-Jan, right?

Well, yeah. And after that is the European tour, which will be a bit different from a regular tour. And the after that, a domestic tour entitled PSYCHONNECT. This time its 25 years since Gauze (lol).

ーIt's one anniversary after another, right?

Yeah (lol) The timing was just right to fit a tour in this Spring, and when we talked about what kind of thing to do, a Gauze themed hall tour was suggested.

ーJust to make things clear, this doesn't mean you are going to re-record the whole of Gauze, does it?

No no no (lol). If we did that people would be like, 'Enough of this already, record some new material!' (lol)

ーOf course. But at same time, I'm still kinda curious about hearing something like that.

Even if we were to do that, now isn't the time for it. People would end up thinking, 'What, are you gonna rerecord your entire catalogue??' (lol) That wouldn't be much fun.

ーYeah, interest would drop if it was nothing but rewriting history.

If I was a fan, I'd probably be thinking, 'Is this all they're doing from now on?'

ーRight. The thing we are really all waiting for is some new material after fully digesting Phalaris. Have you begun anything in that direction?

Nope, not yet (lol). I don't even know whether its ok to say this, but I haven't started yet. But actually, I was thinking about getting started today (lol).

ーYou might start writing new music straight after this interview?

Yeah, the interview just came into my schedule at exactly this time.

ーI can't wait to hear what you come up with. When I interviewed you just after the completion of Phalaris, you said that with no regular touring during covid, it had been difficult to communicate and exchange ideas with the other members. Does this mean that normality has returned to the bands' interactions. Are you able to make new music whilst interating with the other members on tour again?

Yes, we had already got back to a sense of normality by the tour before this. but now we are actually discussing next moves and stuff, and we are ready to get started. Straight after this interview, to be exact (lol).

ーLet me ask you one more thing. We touched earlier on the European tour which will be held in March. Its the first overseas tour to have past albums as a theme. What were you thinking about when deciding this?

We had originally talked about doing it in 2022 as part of the 25th anniversary run. But with the pandemic, and also trying to balance it out with the Phalaris tour, we were unable to make it happen then, so we slided it over to 2024 just as it was. People might be wondering why we are doing it at this time, but we had planned to do it from before, and now we just finally have the chance to.

ーWould you like to return to overseas touring as it used to happen previously?

Well, yeah, but its not easy. The reality is a lot different now than how it used to be. Its really not as simple as to just say, 'Let's go' now. In this case, we managed to make it work by seeing if we could do it at this particular time, but I can't be sure about future overseas tours. So to the fans in Europe, I want them to come and see us this time. Don't wait for next tme.

ーIts really interesting that the themes for this European tour are Uroboros and Withering to death. Your first ever tour of Europe was with Withering to death. These two albums have been influential in Dir en grey's overseas activities.

Yeah, we were overseas the most with those albums, and with The Marrow Of A Bone. I had thought about digging a little deeper, era-wise. Like maybe taking Vulgar overseas or something. Maybe if we have a chance in the future.

ー There are still many paths open to you. What about a Gauze world tour?

Heh, that would require a lot of motivation (lol) It would be impossible otherwise (lol)

ーWhether or not you ever manage that, there are still a lot of other things you need to do, and things you can do. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of year 2024 is for you.

Thank you. Hopefully it won't be long before we have something new to put out.

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Hey there! I really like your Faust shorts. Usually I’m nervous about requesting stuff, but I wanted to ask. Do you think maybe you could do Bard and a younger fan reader who’s been helping out at helvete for a job? He calls her “little lady,” both because she’s younger and way shorter than him lol. Maybe some of her bullies come into the shop and start teasing her, but then scary tall lanky boy comes out with the scary dog energy and scars them off? And when he sees that she’s kinda upset still about what happens he offers to let her pick out the horror movie they’re gonna watch together. Just cute platonic stuff with a smug of a crush on readers side lol

My little Lady - Faust x fem!reader

warning : alcohol, cuddling, use of a knife and gun

Info : Hi hi thanks for the request anon don't be nervous the only bad thing that could happen is a ,,No". So have fun reading this and hope you and others likes it ;)

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Helvete was the place to go if you were looking for like-minded people, weirdos, crazy people, satanists or simply a distraction.

It was a store for freaks, for people who didn't want to belong in society and didn't do so. A store that was nevertheless a home for very specific people.

A home that became a place where all the freaks could meet to be just that. Freaks. It was the store where the little lady stayed, at least that's what Faust always called her.

The younger employee who initially only helped out at the weekend was now an employee and a member of the store. At first, the boys had almost laughed at her when she came in because of her size she almost seemed to still be at school.

Although this was not the case, it was an unusual view, but by the time she proved herself on the drums and especially in her knowledge of music, she had the respect of the group. Her knowledge went so far that she only had to hear one note to know which song and band it was.

A talent that the biggest of the group, Faust, found particularly amusing. When he wasn't asleep, at home or watching horror movies, he was always in the store and a friendship soon developed between the two of them.

What started with a ,,Here, let me help you" and him taking a box from her to put it on the highest shelf usually ended with an extended evening in the store where they both listened to their favorite music.

She gave him a new knife for his birthday and he gave her a pair of boots with heels. Heels that made her a little taller, but not quite enough to even come close to her.

But she loved these boots and wore them almost every day, even on the day the door to the store opened and a certain group came in. Great, she thought as she looked up from the box of new records.

It was the new print of the Venom album and many would be coming in tomorrow so she wanted to get everything ready. But when she saw exactly who was standing in the doorway, she had to stifle a frustrated cry.

,,Well, if it isn't the freak," she heard the leader of her "friends" say, and she hadn't been able to get rid of the three of them since she had left the church.

She had met the three of them at the church and when she started wearing a little more black, well, Satan always shows himself in the strangest places.

,,If you want to buy something, make it otherwise," she tried, trying to suppress the fear and discomfort in her voice. But as the three approached her, she slowly moved away, wanting to escape, wanting to stop being the victim.

,,Oh, we're buying... only the customer service isn't that good, is it, boys?" he asked and suddenly the other two began to take the records out of their packaging and smash them. Their pleas and screams to stop stopped as the oldest of the three approached them.

She pushed hard with her back against the corner and her fear showed when he slid his fingers to her earrings. ,,It would be a shame to lose it," he murmured and placed his fingers on the upturned cross earring. ,,Don't do that," she said, her voice brittle and full of fear that he would tear her earring off.

Tears formed in her eyes as she watched more records being destroyed, the pain in her ear intensifying. Before suddenly footsteps could be heard from the cellar.

They sounded heavy and the steps creaked under the older man. ,,If I were you, you go now!" he hissed and she saw the knife flash in his hand as he looked at the three of them from behind his hair. ,,And what if you don't?" one of the three asked and threw a record at the larger one.

But Faust caught it and threw it so precisely that the edge cut the little one. ,,I'm... bleeding," he said firmly and backed away slowly, while the other fled, cursing as Faust pointed the knife at him.

,,What, are you going to kill me?" the leader asked, letting go of the young woman and walking towards the taller one, who towered over him. But Faust just smirked before grabbing the smaller one by the collar and pulling him towards him.

The coldness of the knife lay against the younger man's throat. ,,Do you want to find out?" he asked and saw the fear slowly forming in his gaze as he tore himself away and ran out screaming.

Before the door closed and Faust instantly lost the creepy energy. But in all of this she felt the rapid beating of her heart, which she knew was not only due to her fear.

Perhaps she had developed a little crush on him in all this time. But above all, he had her gratitude. ,,Thank you... Faust," she said and threw her arms around him, hugging the taller one, who lifted her up with a smile and twirled around slightly.

,,Come on, little lady, pick a movie and I'll make some popcorn...no one should say you were afraid of them," he said with a grin and went into the professional kitchen before she settled into the beanbag and decided on Halloween.

Already feeling much more relaxed watching the beginning, she soon felt the bowl of popcorn in her lap. ,,I couldn't have made a better choice, little lady," he said, slapping her lightly on the arm before he took some popcorn and she leaned against him before they both enjoyed the movie together.

But inside they both knew that they would give their lives to the other. They would look out for each other...they always would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[doveabovetheworld]

“I’ve Never Done This Before.”

Luke Hemmings x GN!Reader

Summary; You and Luke have been together for almost a year now and decided to take the sexual part of your relationship to the next level by trying out something a bit new.

Warnings; Smut, NSFW, 18+ minors DNI, porn with plot, praise, a tiny bit of dacryphilia, oral (m receiving), unprotected sex, dom Luke, sub reader, degration, rough sex, cursing, dirty talk

A/N; Day 4’s fic is done! Yaaay! I’m glad I got this one done. I love it so much and It’s a whopping 3,242 words!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Luke have been with one another for almost a year now and you guys were pretty happy with your relationship. One night when he came home, from being at the studio, he saw you sitting on the couch in the living room while watching TV, he smiled at you.

“Hey, Sweetie! What’re you watching?” He asked with a smile.

You looked over to see the tall blonde walk over to you, leaning over the back of the sofa right next to you.

“Hey, lover boy! I’m just watching some documentaries on Netflix. Nothing too special. Wanna join?” You asked him as you looked up behind you. There was a cheeky smile on your face. The one he always loved to look at. Your smile was probably one of his favorite things about you.

Luke looks at you with a smile, and then he sits down next to you on the couch. He leans his head on your shoulder as he says in a soft voice, “Sure, what’s it about?”

“Honestly, I’m not too sure. I kinda put it on as background noise while I was reading but then I got distracted halfway from both of them.”

“Interesting,” Luke says in a relaxed tone. “I like these kinds of documentaries. They're so intriguing to watch,” he adds as he looks at you. Luke wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer.

“I've missed you,” he says with a smile.

“I missed you too, hun… So, what’d you do all day?” You asked him as you looked from the TV to him.

“I had to work on a new song. It’s been a lot of writing and recording over the past couple of days.” He pauses for a minute and then smiles at you again, “It was pretty tiring, but at least I can relax with you now,” he adds as he leans his face closer to yours. Luke gives you a gentle kiss on the cheek and then holds you a little tighter.

“I’m excited to hear the new song. It always pays off when you finish an album or whatnot but if it’s getting too much, Tell me, okay?” You asked him as you smiled and looked at him.

Luke smiles at you and then looks at the TV again. He puts his head back down on your shoulder as he says, “Okay. I just hope everyone likes it.”

As the two of you continue to watch the documentary, he squeezes your hand gently and then kisses it. After that, he puts his arm around you again and nuzzles his head against your neck. You let out a tiny laugh as you felt his blonde curls brush against your neck, tickling you a bit.

“Luke, hun, is there something on your mind?” You asked as you felt his fingers trace tiny shapes on your arm.

"I'm just thinking about how much I love you," Luke replies in a soft voice.

He then pulls you closer and gives you a light kiss on the cheek. "I'm also thinking about how much I want to spend time with you. You make me happy, Y/N," he adds.

“That sounds good ‘cus I wanna spend time with you too.” You responded with a smirk growing on your face.

"That's good to hear, baby," Luke says. He looks into your eyes and smiles nervously.

After a few seconds, he then leans in closer to you and gives you a gentle kiss on the lips. His expression is soft, and he seems to be very genuine and loving at this moment.

"I love you," he whispers to you.

“I love you too,” You said back to him as you leaned in for another kiss.

Luke held you tightly in his arms. As the two of you remain on the couch together, the documentary continues to play in the background. He kissed you again and pulled you a bit closer to him, making the kiss deepen. Luke pulls away but holds you close. He looks into your eyes and smiles.

"You're amazing," he whispers to you, his expression soft.

“I know,” You whispered back before adding on, “Bedroom?”

"Bedroom," Luke repeated in agreement and got up from the couch. He reaches down and takes your hand, then he leads you to the bedroom, “Come on, Sweetie."

He gently pulled you along into your bedroom and shut the door as you two walked in. You looked over at him and laid down on the bed, pulling him on top of you, and kissed him.

Luke kissed you back and then started to move his body against yours as you lay on the bed. He runs his fingers through your hair and kisses your neck and your lips. As the two of you continue to kiss passionately, Luke moves his hands down to your waist and starts to caress your hips. He pulls you even closer, his body firmly against yours.

You let out a hum into the kiss and opened your eyes as you pulled away from the kiss.

“Wait… Luke, baby, wait.” You mumbled as he stopped moving and looked at you.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” He asked in a soft and concerned voice. He wanted to know if he did anything wrong.

“I wanna try something new tonight. I wanna experiment, spice things up a bit.”

Luke looks at you with his eyebrows raised, his expression curious and a little bit surprised. After a few seconds, he replies, "Well, I'm open to anything. What did you have in mind? I'm sure we can try it."

Luke smiles at you again, and he seems to be more than excited about experimenting with something new.

“Well… you know I love how sweet and loving you can be but this time can we try to be more… rough? Like you get more dominant and rough and shit?” You asked, feeling a bit embarrassed as your cheeks got red.

"I think I know what you mean," Luke says as he strokes your hair. "Are you sure you want that?”

You nodded and gave him a soft smile.

“Okay… well we can use our usual safeword if things get too much for either one of us.” He said with a soft and comforting voice. He wanted to make sure you were 100% comfortable and okay.

“That’s perfect.” You agreed, leaning in for another kiss.

The kiss was soft and tender but after a few seconds, he started to get more passionate with it. He nipped at the bottom of your lip, making you gasp at the sudden feeling, and took it as an invite for him to kiss you deeper.

You felt his hands start to wander from your waist to the bottom of your shirt pulling it up. He pulled away from the kiss and took a few breaths, trying to get his breath back to a normal place, as you did the same.

“Take off your clothes and get on your knees in front of the bed.” He said in a quiet but ordering tone. It sent chills down your spine. The way he spoke was different than he usually did during sex. He was always sweet and loving, but this? This was just as good.

As you started to take off your clothes, he looked at you with a hint of lust and need in his eyes. You got off the bed, bare and vulnerable to him, with your clothes thrown to the side, and got to your knees in front of the edge of the bed, where Luke was sitting in front of you, with just his boxers on.

He looked at you with his light blue eyes and a smile on his face. He curled his finger, motioning you to come forward and get closer to him, and you did as he said. You looked up at him with doe eyes, like a lost puppy, just wanting him and only him. Nothing else could distract you.

“You’re so beautiful…” he said in a soft voice as he looked down at you, “Take it out, love.”

You got even more of a bright red, a bit embarrassed at how much of a submissive state he’s got you in and at how wet you were getting just from the way he looked and talked to you, and nodded. You did exactly as he asked and brought your hands up to the waistband of his shorts and boxers, pulling them down to the ground. You took them off for him, throwing them into the pile of clothes that were already discarded.

You could see him swallow thickly when you take out his cock and let out a breathy moan, feeling your hand cover him completely. You knew what his dick looked like, this wasn’t your first time with him, but every single time you longed for it as if you’d never seen him or his cock before. You looked at the leaking tip and the few veins along the shaft, making you more aroused. Your breath was warm and fast, you needed to have him in your mouth. You needed to have him in you.

You leaned forward and stopped to look at Luke in the eyes before giving the tip of his dick a small kiss. A groan escaped from Luke’s lips as he looked down at you.

“Fuck… Go on, baby. You know what to do.” Luke said in a low voice.

You looked at him before looking down at his dick again and licking the tip. You heard another small groan, almost like a whimper, from Luke, again. You looked up at him and smiled.

“D’you like it when I do that?” You asked in an innocent tone, making you sound slightly mischievous as well. You knew what you were doing. You wanted to tease him.

“Do it, Y/N,” Luke ordered, looking down at you, “Let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours.”

That was new.

You let out a tiny whimper at his words. You never heard him say that before but you loved it. You love this side of him and you guys just started.

“Okay…” You mumbled with that same lost puppy look.

“Okay, what?” He asked, with a proud smirk on his face.

“O-Okay… sir.” You said in a shy voice, getting more red in the cheeks, and much more wet than before.

“Good job, baby.”

He reached his hand out to your hair and tilted your head up slightly so you were looking at him. The view you were getting was perfect.

You looked at him and licked his cock from the base up, closing your lips around him at the tip. A couple more moans came from Luke’s mouth as his flushed face and slightly parted lips grabbed the attention of your eyes. A hum came from your mouth, your lips still on his tip, sending vibrations through his whole body. You started to take more of him in your mouth and another groan came from him.

“Oh my god…” He whined out as his hands gripped at your hair tighter, making you moan around him, causing another groan to escape from him.

You took him in your mouth until he hit the back of your throat. You placed your hands on his thighs and closed your eyes tightly, your nails digging into his skin, sending a wave of pain through his body and making him let out a hiss. He gripped tighter at your scalp and pulled you down more before letting go and letting you move your head up and down.

He closed his eyes and threw his head back, letting out a string of moans. His eyebrows furrowed and had one hand on the bed while the other was still holding his hair.

You could tell he was close.

“B-Baby… ‘M about to cum.” He whined, holding your hair a bit tighter as his breathing got more and more rapid.

You only hummed on his cock and moved one hand from his thighs to the bottom of his dick, holding it as you gave kitten licks to the tip of his cock. He let out a shuddered moan as you flattened your tongue against his slit.

You moved your hand up and down on his length and looked at him as he let out one more quiet moan and came.

You could feel his cum go down your throat. It was warm and a bit salty as well. You had a few tears in your eyes and looked at him.

“Shit… that was good…” He said, out of breath, and looked back at you with a smile, “You did so good… C’mere, baby. You did so well for me, now it’s my turn to please you.

You almost let out a moan right then and there as you felt your thighs getting covered because of how wet you were. You were so desperate for him, that you immediately stood up and laid on the bed. He smirked at you. He had your right where he wanted you.

He went right in front of you and parted your legs to see how wet you were.

“Wow… Sweetie, you’re so wet…” He said in a sultry voice, that made you more aroused. You were wanting him. You needed him.

“Please, sir… Please.” You whined out and looked at him in between your legs.

“What do you want, baby? You need to tell me what you want.”

“I want you to fuck me. Please.”

“Oh… You want my cock to fill up your cunt, huh? You want that?”

“Yes.” You practically moaned out, in a needy voice.

“Beg.” He ordered, moving his hands to your inner thighs. His hands were big and soft but his movements were the complete opposite. They were slow and hard and driving you insane.”

“H-Huh?”

“Beg. Don’t make me say it again.”

“P-Please… Please fuck me, sir. Please. I need you so bad.” You begged in a whiny voice.

He gave you a smirk and kissed your inner thigh, close to your cunt. He gave you a knowing look and said, “Good job, baby.”

He then moved his face away lined himself up with your entrance and looked at you.

“Remember: we use our safe word if it gets too much.” He reminded you in a much more caring tone than before.

You nodded and placed your hands on his shoulders before he finally entered you. You let out a breathy moan as he put his head on your shoulder, pulling you close to him. You held onto his shoulders but moved one hand into the curls on the back of his head to hold him in place.

“You okay?” He whispered into your ear.

You nodded and he took that as a sign for him to start to move. He went slow at first, letting a few whines break from the two of you, before starting to pick up the pace. He was holding onto your hips, keeping you in place as he kept going in and out of you, filling you up perfectly.

“F-Fuck…” You breathed out as you let out a whine. You gripped at his hair a bit tighter and closed your eyes.

“That feel good, baby?” He asked with a groan as he thrust into you.

“M-Mhm.” You hummed as you dug your nails into his shoulder, making him let out a loud groan into your ear.

“You take me so good, hun. You love being my slut, huh, beautiful?” He asked with a moan.

You nodded, not able to come up with words. You felt him fucking you with each sharp thrust in you. You started to let a string of loud moans part from your lips, letting him know that you were in pure bliss.

“C’mon, baby, I need words,” He let out a low moan before continuing, “Tell me how much you love my cock.”

“I-I love it… I love your cock inside of me, sir.” You said with a moan to follow.

He let out a small whine and continued with his pace. You felt one of his hands move up from the side of your hips to your hair, holding you close to him. You could feel the hand that was on your hip starting to form a bruise at how tight he held you and the noises that your bodies made as they touched…

Suddenly a wave of pleasure came to you as you felt his hand on your clit, making small circles at the same pace as he thrust into you. He wanted you to feel just as good as him, if not, more.

“I-I’m so close, sir.” You moaned into his ear.

He knew you were. He knew that you were going to cum because of how tight you were squeezing him. Because of how much you shuddered just from his touch.

“Y-You know what to do.” He groaned again.

“Please, sir. Please let me cum… I wanna cum so bad.” You begged as you let another loud moan out.

He pressed down a bit harder on your clit, continuing his movements. He was going deeper and deeper inside of you, making you closer to your orgasm.

You needed to come.

“P-Please, sir.” You cried out, feeling a few years from.

“N-No.”

You let out a cry of pleasure as you held onto him as tight as you could. You wanted to do as he said. You wanted to wait and come with him but it was all too much.

“Now.” He whispered in your ear, permitting you to come, just for him.

And that’s when you came. You let out loud and breathy moans as a few tears fell down your cheeks. You were shaking and tensing up all over as you rode through your orgasm with him. He continued to do the same movements of thrusting in and out of you as he helped you finish out your high.

“‘M gonna come, baby. Where’d you want it?” He whined in your ear.

“Inside.” You moaned out and just like that, you could feel him come inside of you. He stopped his movements but you could still feel his cock pulsing inside of you. He moved his head from your shoulder and looked at you with soft eyes. He gave you a tiny kiss on your cheek and moved himself from you, moving down in between your legs. He gave a tiny lick, tasting yours and his come. You let out a soft moan and looked down at him.

“You did so, so good, baby. I’ve never done anything like that before. It felt amazing.” He mumbled through a few soft licks of your full cunt.

He moved his mouth away from your cunt and moved back up, on top of you. His chin and lips are just gleaming in the light with your come. He gives you a long kiss, pushing his tongue into your mouth, to have you taste yours and his come. He gave a few more moments into the kiss before breaking it and smiling proudly.

“See how well you taste with me?” He asked in a quiet and kind voice, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Luke.” You said back, a sweet smile forming on your face.

[luciawithoutj]

My internet is awful lately because I nearly used all of it on my vacation so sorry for not being that active and rebloging (literally fighting my demons trying to load any pic or gif or video).

Honestly don't know if someone said this before but I am so happy that Jokers are hiring fanartists for their new songs. Apparently they said today in some interwiew (didn't watch it yet because my internet shit so videos won't load) that they will release Bluza as next single before new album comes out (PLEASE PLEASE LET IT COME OUT IN AUGUST!).

Hopefully they continue hiring fanartists streak. Yall don't even understand how happy it makss me feel. When I saw Nico doing šbj cover and animation I think I screamed about him and his art and everything that happened to like every person in real life I talked to (and ofc i was annoying about it online while my internet was still alive and well). Hiring Nico is also makes me cry from happiness. First of all he deserves it so so much but also as a queer fanartist from balkans it makes me so happy and proud that this silly balkan band decided to hire trans fanartist for their song and gave him proper credit and also Bojan calling him a friend? My queer heart is singing and crying with joy.

Futhermore it makes me so happy they are finally recognizing how fucking talented this fandom is. I am so in awe with all beautiful and wonderful art I came across. I don't talk with so many people and fanartists because I am a bit shy but most of yall don't even understand how much yall inspired me to create. Since joining jo fandom I have been drawing and creating lot of different forms of art and experimentting and just having fun with art and falling in love with it again after being so burnet out last year and not being able to draw this much since 2019/2020 when I got into art. I am so so grateful for this amazing community and all amazing people I meet along the way <33333

With Bluza coming out I am wondering who might be next fanartist they hire. Ngl I hope it is Roxanne or they at least hire her to make some new merch because after putting all her being and all her blood in making so many amazing and breathtaking art and design work, she deserves to be hired. Also her art style might fit the vibe of the song.

So sorry if what I said didn't make any sense. I just love fanartists and joker out and joker out fandom and art and just yapping about all of it and my brain is a mess lmao

[not-goldy]

But isn’t JK sort of "queer cleansing" in Ch 2?

All those women in his MV’s who he had zero chemistry with but not a single reference to being into men (not that I expect that of course, being from a homophobic country. More like being in the closet, unfortunately.. but still).

I think his side of Ch 2 is interesting, based on the past ten years up until the military announcement— which is when this sudden "flipped switch" from disliking/being indifferent about dating women, refusing to sing "girl" in a Jason Derulo cover and being the object of other men’s affection, to singing about boinking women seemed to happen.

If the blurry video wasn’t true, I wonder if BH didn’t rush to clean it up because it kind of worked out to help with JK’s new "ladies man" image 💀💀 His face isn’t even decipherable but at least half the fandom ate that up!

To some extent I guess.

Heteronormativity and queer cleansing are two related but distinct concepts so I hope you are not confusing the two as one and the same in this case.

Heteronormativity in this sense is promoting hetersexuality and images of it as the standard or mainstream idea of something. For instance, what is the purpose of choosing a female lead to play the role of love interest besides the fact that that is just how things are done in the industry??

At this point it doesn't even matter at all the female you cast, it just has to be A female to play the role. It's not political, it doesn't speak to the sexual orientation of the individual, it's just what sells and what is considered the norm or standard way of doing things. You could replace the female subject with an inanimate object and the message of love and affection will not be lost.

Over using female as love interests without allowing for much diversity in music visuals has led to a situation where the woman has become a neutral marker in art. Much like words such as Man or other masculine forms gained neutrality and universality such that where you see man or dude or guy in a text you don't necessarily think they are referring strictly to a man, it's the same for women. They are there because they are expected to be there.

We are not wired to see their presence in MVs as contributing any unique or significant meaning to the story telling.

However seeing two men or two women portrayed as leads and love interests adds a political dimension to the message of the song or story of the MV.

It's why visuals such as Blood Sweat and Tears and the whole visual album of HYYH era speaks to many of us. Other wise they are all men, they can just sit and shout into a mic cos no one wants to see them grope each other- it's gay.

It's also why a producer will tell Tae to find a female to sing a part he wrote for Jimin on his personal song- it wasn't because a female voice was required for the song but simply unconventional for two men to sing a duet of that kind.

That's heteronormativity not queer cleansing.

A cleanse is an intentional act meant to please an audience, to calm their wrath and to portray conformity to the desires of the masses.

Heteronormativity is unconscious biases and decisions that are meaningless in themselves and are done not just to please but for the sheer reason that that is what we know and have come to accept as the norm.

I guess the difference is, did Jungkook have a choice other than choosing a female character for the role? No. To choose a male character for such a role would be so political and revolutionary because it would be going outside the norm.

Having a female lead is just a trend. For straight people, if they want to be "political" they often cast the real object of their affections and discard the paid models and artists. JB did that with his wife and uhm- what's the name of the dude who said his lungs under water but was breathing fire?

Queer cleansing is not just about heteronormativity. Promoting and using women as leads is not necessarily a cleanse.

It's heteronormative because whether he is in Korea or not, whether his country is conservative or not, whether he is gay or not, he would have casted a female as lead because it is expected and normalized.

I mean, why else would they have casted female leads for their mv way back when they were starting out, as young as they were, as young as he was?

Why else would he date a girl when he had no feelings whatsoever for her.

Why else were they made to pick up girls and demonstrate how they would ask a girl out or kiss a girl as entertainment disregarding the fact not all of them might have been into girls.

Let me leave you with this imagery:

Heteronormativity, like right handedness, or able bodiedness is the default setting of society. Manufacturers create products build cars, roads on the assumption that every one is right handed able-bodied straight individual and every thing in society is made to cater to this group bu default.

So sometimes when people create products to cater to the audience we can't say they are making revolutionary statements or even deliberately being discriminatory- they doing so simply because it's how things are done.

Jungkook might simply film an MV that way because that's how things are done in the industry.

I hope in the future he realizes this challenge and goes out of his way to challenge it not because he is queer but because he desires to bring change and uniqueness into the world.

And you are right. There are so many instances of hybe cleaning up his image or putting him through queer cleansing- I just don't think the MV is one of those.

Like I said, even his own fans try to queer cleanse his image by cooking up straight rumors and attacking people to try to suppress and disassociate him from any queer narrative.

And it's a cleanse because they do this with the understanding that portraying him as queer is harmful to his image or reputation or even a threat to his commercial success such as them tearing down his banners and even banning BTS in certain places because they seem "gay" smh

[iambic-stan]

Concertina

Writing this story was very therapeutic for me. I hope someone else, cardiophile or otherwise, can get some comfort and reassurance out of it, too.

"I'm not policing what you think and dream," was the lyric I fixated on, though it was only the first verse of the song.  Every explanation of the song "Concertina" I'd read contradicted my own interpretation.  Wasn't it mostly a song about feeling bold enough to be strange, even if it was frightening?  There was applause in the bar when I finished, and made me feel like the risk of a new track selection had paid off.  Tori clapped with the most vigor, as she usually does.

"Girl, who sang that one?" she asked, noting that it was different from my usual selections like Stevie Nicks and Pat Benetar.  I stared at her drink, something with pineapple and gin if I recalled, with this hypnotic red-orange-yellow ombre effect.  Without taking my eyes off of it, I said, "It was a Tori Amos song.  Not a big hit or anything though.  You share a name," I said, lightly touching her shoulder, "You should sing something of hers one night."

"Not if the DJ has anything Taylor," she laughed.  It was fair.  Tori loved to sing Taylor Swift at karaoke, just like how she loved to talk about Gaylor theories, analyze her lyrics, speculate about what her various IG and Tumblr posts might foretell, and scour Stubhub and every other possible site for the least-bankrupting concert tickets.  I was just along for the ride, though I had a couple of her albums at home myself.

"Ok, do something from Lover," I suggested.  

"I don't know.  What if all they have is "YNTCD?" she whined, abbreviating Taylor's divisive LGBTQ anthem from 2019, one that I happened to enjoy despite any criticism.  

"I know you like it, and maybe I'm being a terrible Swiftie, but isn't she just trying to hijack our trauma and claim it as hers?  *Unless* she is gay but didn't want to say so explicitly in the song.  It's great that she gave so many queer people screen time.  I didn't even know who Billy Porter was until I saw the video.  But then again, why did she make it about resolving her beef with Katy Perry?  That was so random.  Anyway, I'll see what I can do...for you, Elena."  She ran her hand down my arm and then squeezed my hand for a second.  She's drunk, I thought, but I appreciated the affection.  Her hand was soft and it felt right--sensual without the suggestion of something more.  I wouldn't want anything more.  

Well, that wasn't entirely true.  I had come to feel at home with Tori over the past year--my first close friend since college who also happened to be queer.  I had lingered longer when hugging her, and since she knew I was asexual, I didn't think she ever took anything the "wrong" way.  At home I had a bright magenta stethoscope that sat on my nightstand, waiting.  But since I'd never told Tori that 1) I loved heart sounds, 2) loved using stethoscopes, and 3) wanted to use one with her, my stethoscope could have been waiting for Godot.  I had strongly considered putting her (the stethoscope--named Alex for my love of Wizards of Waverly Place) in the living room so that Tori could just happen to notice her while we were watching a movie.  But I played the conversation out in my head and felt mortified with every possible script I wrote.  Still, whenever I pictured her wearing the binaurals and listening to my heart, I felt like skipping through a field of daisies.  It just seemed like I was struggling with level one of a video game while ravenously reading walkthroughs of the battle with the final boss I might never meet.  Not that it was a game to me--my love of heart sounds was and always had been one of the most important things in my life.  It kept me sane and grounded, and most of all, it was how I felt close to someone I cared about.

I felt a bit of envy as I watched her throw her arm around the DJ, whose adorable curly head of hair and petite stature brought to mind Jorgeous from one of my favorite shows--Rupaul's Drag Race.  But I wasn't jealous that Not-Jorgeous was enjoying Tori's affection; I wished I could have that sort of magnetism that drew everyone to me and put them immediately at ease.  Trauma had prevented me from being so gregarious.  I watched as four more karaoke singers ran up to Tori, happy to see a familiar face (she was there every week) and get their expected hug.  No, I didn't necessarily want that much attention, I realized--I only wanted the confidence and grace to be completely open with her.

When I heard the first few sharp, synth-laden notes, I knew exactly what song it was.  Tori was deadly serious in her delivery and everyone in the bar turned to gaze at this tall, striking woman who would almost look imposing if her face weren't so soft and kind.  "Combat, I'm ready for combat," she sang, and I was shocked that the DJ would have this track from Taylor's Lover album that we could agree on.  In a moment of accountability that Taylor-haters never acknowledge, the singer tells us she's been "the archer" and "the prey," and feared her propensity for causing hurt as well as her own crippling wounds might make her difficult to live with.  As Tori deftly crescendoed her way into the bridge (I had been given numerous lectures on her distinctive bridges), I felt like my heart beat louder as well.  Suddenly embarrassed, I turned away and stepped onto the bar's patio, my long wrap skirt catching a doorknob in my haste.  I pulled it out and turned to look at the wisteria still bright near sundown and the brick water feature with the goldfish.  There was a couple in the corner deep in conversation, voices so hushed I couldn't make out a single word. That was my last drink, I thought, staring at the crescent moon and the smattering of stars I could see in spite of light pollution.  I felt too much; why didn't alcohol make me numb like it did everyone else?

"Hey, did you like it?" I heard her say behind me.  I turned and saw the sheepish grin on her face.

"Oh, it was beautiful!" I exclaimed.  "I was just out here getting some air is all."  

"I was thinking about what you said last week."  She came closer and put her arms around me as she said it.  My head landed near her chest, and I could almost hear something if it weren't for her thick jacket.  I let myself fall into her embrace.  "I think it would be exciting, actually.  I want to do it.  I've never done that with anyone before," she continued.

I racked my brain and tried to remember what she could be talking about, slowly recalling that I'd had 3 cocktails and 2 shots last week.  There were a few portions of my last karaoke night that I didn't recall at all.  "Wait, what are you talking about?"

She looked at me, her eyes crinkled a little.  Gently, she pushed my hair out of my face.  "You're such a silly drunk and you don't remember any of it," she said, shaking her head.  "You surprised the hell out of me by talking about having a stethoscope and wanting to listen to my heartbeat.  And that you wanted me to listen to your heartbeat.  And I was speechless because that seemed like such a weird, random thing to say.  But then I thought about it and I'm really curious now.  None of my girlfriends ever wanted to do something like that.  Not that you're my girlfriend, but a friend who happens to be a girl, anyway.  I'm down."

I breathed in sharply.  How could I have said all of that without realizing what I was divulging?  My heart was really pounding then, and as if she read my mind, she placed her hand on my chest.  "Oh!" she squeaked, surprised.  "Am I embarrassing you?  Please don't feel that way!  I guess I should've thought you might've forgotten, like that time you went on for like 10 minutes about whether Drag Race All Stars is rigged like you were the only person in the room and had zero recollection of it the next day."  Without really thinking, I quickly placed my hand over hers, holding it fast to my chest.  Her hand so near my heart felt just right somehow.  I closed my eyes and only opened them when she pulled away to check her phone.

"Our Uber is on its way.  I told them to go to your apartment.  Is that ok?  Mine is a mess and Savannah has her boyfriend over, anyway.  He always brings that cheap, stinky weed.  Plus, we could watch more Babylon 5.  I want to see if the praying mantis thing is a 'legitimate businessman' ha."

The N'Grath reference made me smile.  "That sounds great," I almost slur, grinning like an idiot.

Mollie, my dachshund, is almost wider than she is long, so it's a struggle for her to make it up to the couch to properly greet Tori when she comes over.  This night was no different.  "She doesn't even eat that much," I said for probably the twentieth time.  "It's like she just has the worst possible metabolism, poor babe."  I stroked under her chin.

The DVD was loaded, and with the confidence that only alcohol could summon in me, I'd stealthily transferred Alex from my bedroom to the coffee table in the living room while Tori was in the bathroom.  When she emerged, she smiled all big and plopped back down on the couch.  My voice boomed in my head when I picked up the stethoscope and said, "This is Alex.  She was named for Alex Russo, you know, when I was younger.  Well, not that much younger.  But still.  Yes, I know it was a kids' show," I say shyly, wondering why I can't shut up.

Tori laughed and picked her up, turning the chestpiece around over and over again to switch from diaphragm to bell, hearing that satisfying click each time.  "She doubles as a fidget toy, I see," she said.  "Oh what's that?" I had to follow her gaze because I was staring at her chest (not her breasts--give me some credit) rising and falling and could barely think of anything else.  She picked up a pill bottle from the coffee table, one that I usually put away when someone is over out of an overabundance of caution. But I hadn't realized we were both coming back here tonight.  "Spiro?" she asked.  "I used to take that, like in my 20s when my acne was a lot worse.  What do you take it for?" she asked innocently.

I looked up at her, struck dumb and wordless.  We both stared in silence for a few seconds too long, and that was when it dawned on me.  Elena, she doesn't know, you moron.  You're about to ask her to do something intimate and she doesn't know.  Does it matter?  Maybe, maybe not.  I sighed.  This was not the way I wanted her to find out.  What if she changed her mind, decided I'm not one of her girl friends after all?  What if she declared this some kind of "trick"?  What if she got mad, felt betrayed, and blabbed all over social media?  What if it got out at work?  This wasn't something to play with, I realized, and it made me feel like I was suffocating suddenly, imagining all the worst case scenarios. They flicked through my brain rapidly, like someone pressing the lever on one of those retro viewfinders at lightning speed, taking in all of the little thumbnails in a blur.  I gasped and then deliberately began to breathe in and out very slowly and evenly.  I grabbed the arm of the couch as if I was falling.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry.  You don't have to answer that.  It's none of my business," she insisted apologetically.  I could tell she was uncomfortable.  I had made her uncomfortable.  But it didn't feel like there was any escaping it now.  The mood had changed dramatically, all thanks to my reaction to her question, and as much as I yearned for her to listen to my heart and had pictured it many times in the last few months, it was pounding because I was terrified.  She put Alex down on the couch, where Mollie reached over to lick her eartips, and took my hand.  "What's wrong?" she whispered.

I looked up at her and it felt like someone else's voice when I choked out, "I'm trans."  Her brow furrowed.  When she didn't respond right away, I added, in a whispered rush, "I grew up a boy.  I mean I'm not one.  I never was.  I thought you knew.  That's what the prescription is for."  I exhaled loudly, then realized I'd been staring at the floor and not facing Tori.  She let my hand go, almost in slow-motion, and she looked at my body as though she was seeing it for the first time.  Oh god, I winced.  Please don't look for masculine things.  

"I'm such an idiot," she finally said, almost inaudibly.  I stared in horror as she said,  "Why didn't I know?!?"  

I felt my mouth go dry.  My voice was hoarse.  "It's not like I wanted everyone to know," I said.  "It's not like I want to lose my job."

"Oh, Elena!" she exclaimed.  "You weren't thinking it would make a difference, were you?"  When I didn't respond, she wrapped her arms tightly around me, and tears flooded my vision.  "You're one of my best friends.  You're my only friend who will go with me to karaoke, for one," she laughed.  "You're the only person besides my mom who listened to me carry on about my undying devotion to Amari, even after the third time she fucking cheated.  Not my finest moment, but that woman had a hold on me."  I inadvertently let out a snort, remembering her beautiful but treacherous ex. 

She kept one arm around me and reached again for Alex.  "She's probably got Mollie slobber on her now," I pointed out.

"Ha, I'm not worried about it," Tori said.  I watched her insert the ear tips, thinking she had a 50/50 chance of putting them in correctly, and she managed it.  There was something transformative about her wearing the binaurals, and it dried my tears to see it.  She was only about ten years my senior, but in that moment I felt like the child I was always meant to be--one who was free to play how I wanted, with whatever toys I wanted, and just be who I was without being called names I didn't even understand.  She was the older, wiser one who could really see me.  I was safe.  She unfastened just the top button of my shirt and I looked at her face as I could feel the coolness of the metal circle on my skin.

A minute passed, then another, and they were brief but filled with knowing that she could hear me so well.  "That's so cool," she said softly.  "It was fast at first and now it's slow and steady.  I kind of feel like...I know you in a new way," she smiled and looked at my face before looking back down at the instrument.  I felt so happy I thought I could cry again.  She moved the chestpiece around--left and right and center, then between my breasts.  "It sounds different in different areas," she observed.  "Like, the first sound is louder in some places and the second is louder in others."

"You're listening near a different valve each time," I whispered, thrilled that she heard those nuances that most ordinary people don't seem attuned to.  She nodded, the look on her face one of wonder.  I breathed along with her for another few minutes while she listened, and it felt like the sort of connection I only dreamed of feeling, knowing that most people don't "get" this.  I felt almost reborn, and completely satiated. 

When it was my turn to listen, I tried to push past my reservations and self-doubt.  "Is it ok if I put this under your shirt?" I asked tentatively, pointing while holding the chestpiece.  

"Girl, yes!" she practically sputtered.  "After all the poking around I just did?  It's only fair," she laughed.

Mollie jumped up to grab and lick my hand as I moved to place the stethoscope on Tori's chest, and we both had to stop what we were doing to laugh.  When I slipped it underneath her blouse, the sound was clear and strong.  She watched my eyes as I breathed in several systoles and diastoles and it made her smile.  First, I listened for the semilunar valves--aortic and pulmonic, then, gaining confidence in what could have been an uncomfortable endeavor, moved downward to listen properly at the atrioventricular valves--tricuspid and mitral.  Tori leaned forward so I could easily access these different auscultation points.  I stayed at each one for awhile, trying to commit this sound to memory in case we never did this again.  When I was finished, she said, "Wow, that was kind of a vulnerable feeling but not in a bad way."

"You sounded so, so beautiful," I told her softly, and was pleased when that display of raw emotions didn't elicit a raised eyebrow.  This wasn't a night I'd forget anytime soon.

Thanks so much for reading! If you're able and would like to, click here to donate to the Trans Lifeline, a hotline that provides life-saving assistance to trans people, staffed by trans people.

[toscrollperchancetomeme]

I think it could also be about creativity, though? Sam's technique is pretty good, but there are famous singers that go even harder vocally, but lack a little in terms of interpretation imo. And he kept delivering the lines in a different way, adding more attitude to it instead of singing it every verse in the same monotonous way. I think everyone is better at some things than others, and even their qualities can be improved with time and practice, but Sam not having a music career and pulling this off in whatever short time he had to prepare is impressive. And I think in a way it must be more terrifying because it is new territory and he's doing it alone? With acting at least you have scene partners that can help you get to that place. But I always see singers getting self-conscious on recording sessions, even when the producers are praising them, they keep finding flaws where there isn't any because being alone and able to hear themselves like that adds so much to their pressure and perfectionism, while singing live and feeding off from their fans is usually more liberating, fun and relaxing and you're just allowed to feel and not thinking too much. Anyway, I think most people are happily surprised and really enjoying it. I've personally said the same thing about him, I'm not a singer, but I'm passionate about music and follow some vocal coaches on YT... And even among musicians I'm obsessed about, I don't listen to their earliest songs that much because it almost sounds like different people. There's one singer that I basically skip their first four albums because on their fifth record things just reached a divine level (and I loved those albums, but after #THAT the bar was set too high so I only listen to like 1/3 of their discography). And I'm assuming Sam is still recording and he hasn't 'peaked' yet, either vocally or creatively, I believe future stuff will be even better, but we're off to a great start.

There's some very valid points in here, thank you! :)

It really does boil down to how one defines "singer" of course, and I get that there is only so much nuance one can put in a live reaction. I'm not a recording artist, I have written one song 10 years ago with the 5 guitar chords I know and it was shit. :D I just had a few years of vocal training and I enjoy interpreting music and do some community level musical theatre stuff. But I define myself as a singer. Maybe what irks me a bit that it's the same vein of dismissive treatment that musical theatre actors get around here (here being Germany): You're not a real singer because you're actually an actor, but you're not a real actor because you're doing musical, etc etc.

So, as is often the case, I'm seeing this through the filter of my own experience, in this case how I've seen really great professionals treated and often gatekept from breaking out of their genre. It's a complicated issue. I genuinely don't think that anyone meant harm or offense to Sam, but I wish people would be a bit considerate before defining for someone else who and what that person is or is not - especially while they are delivering a great performance. I think at this point Sam has proven that he can do it, and is, actually, a singer. But I'm also really curious about where his vocal journey will go and I can't wait to hear more! ;-; <3

Oh and I would absolutely love to see vocal coaches reacting to the song! I hope that happens soon, I'm really curious what they think. :)

(Also thank you so much for sending me an ask about this and being thoughtful and everything? I came back to tumblr for this fandom when S2 started airing and the experience has been nothing short of wonderful, I'm a bit humbled by the increasing engagement some of my posts are getting. ;-; )

[noona-clock]

Fourever 🍀 Didn't Know

Hiiii~ this is me again. I really want you to write about their song "don't know" from their Fourever album. It's like she fell first, but he fell too late kinda trope. Just by thinking of it, I know you'd really do a good story.

I already imagined Brian as the ml 🤭🤭

<3

Thank you so much for your patience, lovely anon! I hope you like it 💜

Genre: Small Town!AU, Unrequited Love, Angst

Pairing: Young K (Brian) x You (Female!Reader)

Words: 3,760

A/N: This is a continuation of the Let Me Love You story.

Welcome to the Show 🍀 Happy 🍀 The Power of Love 🍀 Get the Hell Out 🍀 Sad Ending 🍀 Let Me Love You 🍀 Didn't Know

I didn't know that was your love I didn't know that was how it was back then It was so natural that we were always together I didn't think it was special How are you doing now? I think I know a little bit more now The answer you wanted to convey I understood it until after it was over

A Long Time Ago

Brian hopped from one foot to the other as he waited for Sungjin (or anyone in Sungjin's family) to come to the door. He'd knocked already, but he had extremely urgent news to share, and it felt like he'd been waiting here forever. So, he started to knock once more, his eyes widening as the door open before he finished.

"Oh, hey, Brian," Sungjin answered casually.

Brian couldn't wait a second longer. "There's a moving van next door!"

Sungjin furrowed his brow and leaned outside, peering at the house in between Brian's house and his own. There was, indeed, a moving van parked in the driveway.

"Neat," Sungjin commented with a slight smile. "Did you see anyone?"

"I think I saw a kid around our age," Brian began, but then he scrunched his features in distaste. "But I also think she's a girl."

Sungjin's shoulders slumped, and Brian knew exactly how he felt. The two boys had been friends for a few years now, ever since they'd started school; while their friendship was practically perfect, they'd both been itching to create a friendship trio. For some reason, having a third person just felt right, like they would complete the friendship somehow.

But a girl? Who wanted to be friends with a girl?

So, Sungjin simply stepped aside to invite Brian in, and they both dashed to the living room to play their favorite video game of the month.

Once the weekend was over, Brian trudged down his driveway toward the bus stop, his bookbag slung over one shoulder.

It's not that he hated going to school -- quite the opposite, in fact -- he just hated not being asleep right now.

He perked up when he saw Sungjin on the corner of the street, though, and he perked up yet again when he saw Sungjin wasn't alone.

Oh yeah! There was a new neighbor! He'd completely forgotten about her -- most likely because it was a her. But, still.

So, Brian picked up the pace, jogging briskly to the bus stop to join his friend.

"Morning," he greeted once he got close enough.

Sungjin turned around, a smile blooming on his face. "Hey, Bri," he said. And then he turned back around to face his fellow bus stop occupant and added, "That's Brian, my friend I was telling you about. He lives on the other side of your house. Brian, this is Y/N, our new neighbor."

Brian raised a hand to wave at you, and you grinned somewhat shyly at him.

When the bus arrived, Sungjin sat next to you while Brian sat behind you; he leaned forward the whole time so he wouldn't miss any part of your conversation, his chin resting on yours and Sungjin's seatback. If Sungjin had decided to talk to you, then Brian would, too.

As the day went on, it turned out that Sungjin had decided to show you all around school -- even eat lunch with you! So, Brian did, too. And by the end of the day, it kind of felt like you'd always been there. Brian almost forgot he'd had reservations about you because you were a girl. Maybe girls weren't so bad after all? Or at least you weren't.

Your way of speaking was warmer than anyone else You were more happy than me The tears that you shed with me I didn't know that was your love Your expression that was awkward but exceptional The confession that I turned over as a joke The last greeting that you said to be happy I didn't know it was love at that time

As the years passed, Brian had to frequently remind himself how lucky he was to have the two best friends in the world. To him, you and Sungjin were simply part of his everyday life. But when he noticed that other people's friends weren't by their side 24/7, he knew just how lucky he actually was.

Sungjin was there to give him advice during tough situations and when Brian had to make hard decisions. Sungjin was there when all Brian wanted to do was play video games as a way to escape from the stresses of real life. And when Brian randomly decided he wanted to learn how to play the bass guitar? Sungjin said he'd always wanted to learn how to play the guitar, too.

And you were always there to stop him from making very embarrassing fashion statements. You were there to laugh and cheer him on when he and his classmates made up the stupidest math dance ever. You were there, by his side, almost every single time he'd ever cried -- and you cried right along with him, no matter what the tears were for.

It never, ever crossed his mind that things would change. That things ever could change. Not with the Three Musketeers.

But then they did, and Brian hadn't even seen it coming.

The three of you were in your final year of University -- you'd all gone to the same school, of course, and Sungjin and Brian had been roommates every year -- and things had been perfect. None of you had failed any of your classes, you'd all made some new friends while still maintaining the bond of the Three Musketeers, and Brian really hadn't thought things could get better when he'd started dating Justine, the girl from his Calculus class he'd been crushing on since the first day of class.

But then he came home from a date one night to an empty apartment, called Sungjin to find out where he was, and... everything changed.

"...Oh," he said after a few moments of silence.

Because how else was he supposed to react to what Sungjin had just told him?

"Yeah, and if you ever let on that you know, I'm going to --"

"Yeah, I get it," Brian interrupted, sighing under his breath. "I'll see you later, then?"

Sungjin hummed, and Brian quickly ended the call.

...You liked him?

You. You had... feelings? For him?

How? Why? Since when?

Sungjin had sworn him to secrecy, so he couldn't even ask you. He could potentially try to pry the answers out of Sungjin, but he'd also mentioned on the phone that you were trying to get over your crush, so it wouldn't be helpful to bring it up again. Right?

Brian would just have to try and forget he knew anything.

But, of course, as he lay in bed that night, he found himself thinking back to every interaction he'd had with you lately. Had the signs been obvious and he'd missed them? Had your smiles been different than normal? Had your 'have fun!' and 'good luck!' texts before his dates with Justine just been a cover? When he'd stress cried the other week, had you been crying sympathetically, as you'd always done? Or had you been crying because you... loved him?

In one way, he felt like a total idiot. Looking back on things, it should have been obvious. But in another way, there's no way he could've been able to tell. You truly hadn't acted any differently lately! You'd always been such a kind, supportive, and caring friend, and when it really came down to it, he couldn't pinpoint when you'd started developing feelings for him. Nothing had changed!

Except, in actuality, everything had changed. And he would have to act like it hadn't. He would have to act like he didn't know and everything was still normal, was still as it had always been.

Do you still laugh a lot these days? I miss your bright smile The jokes that we shared My lighthearted self from that time now weighs heavily on me

Maybe it was dramatic to think this but deciding to break the promise he'd made with you and Sungjin to move back to your small hometown after graduating from University had been the most difficult decision of his life.

Part of the reason it had been so difficult was because Brian felt he couldn't ask Sungjin for advice like he usually did.

After that phone call, Brian had fully committed to acting as if Sungjin had never said anything. It had been... strange. And each time he'd found himself unconsciously becoming distant, he'd sent a text to the group chat asking who had time to hang out.

By the time graduation had rolled around, he and Justine had been dating for over half a year. He had met her parents, and she had met his. He'd told her 'I love you' for the first time a couple of months prior. In other words, their relationship had gotten pretty serious.

So, when Justine had suggested he move back to her hometown with her, it really hadn't been that out of the blue.

Still, though. It had taken him by surprise because the idea of not moving back with you and Sungjin had never once entered his mind.

He'd thought about it long and hard. He'd weighed out the pros and cons. He'd lost many hours of sleep. And, finally, he'd settled on moving with Justine.

If you had really had strong feelings for him, the best thing he could think to do was to keep his distance -- quite literally -- so you had a chance to get over him. Plus, he could still visit, text, and call you both all the time. And what he had with Justine also wasn't something he was willing to give up. Sure, they could've tried long distance, but in Brian's opinion, it was much easier to keep up a long-distance friendship than it was a long-distance relationship.

So, he'd moved away. He'd found a job in this new city and moved into an apartment with his girlfriend.

And, looking back even now, he had no regrets. He'd learned and grown so much as a person, and once the learning and growing had stopped, he'd ended the relationship and moved back here after over five years away, not even counting his time in University.

To be honest, he barely thought about the fact that you'd once had feelings for him. As soon as he moved back (into the same apartment complex as you and Sungjin, of course), things with the Three Musketeers had gone back to normal.

Brian would be lying if he said he didn't notice a tiny shift in your and Sungjin's friendship, though, but that was to be expected. The two of you had spent probably every day with each other for more than five years, so there's no way you wouldn't have grown closer to each other than you were to Brian.

Something else he noticed was how much he'd missed you -- more than he'd realized, honestly. The first time you'd laughed at something he'd said, the sound had warmed his heart. It was strange because it's not like he hadn't seen you since moving away! He had! That certainly hadn't been the first time he'd heard you laugh in years, but it felt that way.

And that had been when he'd decided to try his hardest to go back to the way things used to be -- before Justine, before your feelings, before University even! Things had been perfect back then, and he was determined to make them perfect once more.

There's no going back Even if I keep looking back I tell you, but you aren't here I was in love We were in love Leaving the time is far away That I can't return to

Isn't it funny how, no matter what age you are, you can always look back on your younger self and shake your head and go 'Oh, you sweet child, you were so dumb and had no idea what you were talking about'?

Brian had been so set on turning back time and recreating the friendship dynamic the Three Musketeers had growing up, before the complications of young adulthood and University life had... well, complicated things.

Obviously, that hadn't happened.

But it was okay!

After Brian moved back home, as time went on, the three of you had built a new friendship together. It was definitely different and new, but it was still beautiful.

And, to be honest, over the years, he'd kind of forgotten that you'd ever had feelings for him.

Then, one day not too long ago, Brian had received a text from Justine. He had been over at your place for a movie night (Sungjin had been having dinner with his parents), and normally, he wouldn't have opened a text from anyone during movie night... but you had been at your front door accepting the pizza delivery, so he'd pressed on the notification.

He hadn't been expecting anything out of the blue -- he and Justine were still friendly and spoke to each other every so often. So, when he opened the text and saw a picture of Justine's left hand adorned with a rather large diamond ring, he'd actually let out a "Whoa!"

"What?" you asked, sliding the pizza boxes on your coffee table and plopping down next to him on the couch.

Brian tilted his phone so you could see and said, "Justine's engaged, I guess."

"Wow!" you chuckled. "Congratulations to her. Who's the lucky guy?"

"One of her brother's friends, I think," Brian shrugged, sending a quick 'Congrats!' reply before sliding his phone back into his pocket. "I never met him."

As Brian leaned forward to open the pizza box and grab a slice, he saw your concerned expression out of the corner of his eye.

"...Are you okay?" you asked quietly.

"Hmm?" Brian hummed. "Oh, yeah, of course. Justine and I are cool, I'm happy for her."

You let out a soft chuckle and moved to get your own slice of pizza. "I don't think I could ever be cool with an ex," you admitted. "Especially not someone I dated for, like, ever."

"It was six years -- okay, yeah, that's a long time," Brian smirked. "I don't know, there's nothing to not be cool about, I guess."

"Wait, speaking of. Hasn't it been almost that same amount of time since you broke up?" you asked.

Brian's forehead wrinkled as he thought, and then he simply nodded.

"You haven't dated anyone yet? Anyone? What's up with that?"

"Nothing's up with that!" he scoffed, playfully shoving your leg with his foot. "I've been busy, okay! And, honestly, look who's talking. I don't recall you telling me about going on any dates recently!"

You shrugged and took a bite of your pizza, but Brian could've sworn he saw your mouth twitching up into a shy smile.

"Come on, spill," Brian nudged.

"There's nothing to spill!" you assured him.

You were avoiding his gaze, though, so Brian knew you weren't being entirely truthful. Oh well -- he would drop it for now since you obviously weren't ready to share.

It wasn't until after he'd left your apartment later that evening that he realized he was still thinking about your reaction to his dating question.

You were definitely hiding something... but what? What could you possibly not be comfortable sharing with him?

...Unless?

No, it couldn't be.

Could it?

The reason you hadn't shared any details about your romantic life with him surely couldn't be that... you still... had feelings for him. Right?

He vividly remembered what it felt like when Sungjin had told him all those years ago that you'd had feelings for him: his heart had dropped like lead because he'd felt so bad. He hadn't questioned whether or not he'd returned your feelings because there had been nothing to question. He simply hadn't seen you as anything other than one of his very best friends.

But thinking about it now... wondering if maybe your feelings had resurfaced... it was certainly a different experience. His heart didn't feel anything like a hunk of lead. It hadn't dropped down into his stomach, and he didn't feel sorry for you.

Of course, none of that meant anything, but he figured he would let these thoughts marinate for a bit and see what happened. He would keep a watchful eye and a listening ear out to try and pick up on any other signs that you might like him again -- as more than a friend.

It took approximately three weeks and four days for Brian to conclude that you most likely did like him again -- as more than a friend. Short of telling him straightforwardly, the majority of your words, actions, and body language all pointed to romantic feelings.

I mean, maybe he was just imagining things, but your smiles around him seemed brighter than normal. Your laughs seemed extra loud. You couldn't go ten minutes without resting your hand on his arm or shoulder or just brushing or leaning against him.

The kicker was when the two of you had yet again gotten on the topic of dating. Brian had been talking to Sungjin earlier that evening about setting him up with one of his co-workers, and after Sungjin had left, Brian had (maybe not so subtly) asked if you wanted to be set up, too. He had plenty of single co-workers!

You turned him down, which honestly seemed like you wanted Brian to dig deeper.

"Oh?" he questioned, tilting his head curiously. "And why not? You don't trust me to set you up with someone?"

"No, it's not that," you replied with a chuckle. "I just... don't need to be set up with anyone right now."

Brian quirked an eyebrow at you. "What does that mean?"

It's not like you were fresh out of a relationship and trying to get over an ex.

"You're so annoying!" you whined, playfully shoving him. (See? An excuse to touch him). "If you must know, there's someone I have my eye on."

Brian gasped, reaching out to put his hands on your shoulders and turn you to face him head-on. "What? Who? Is this new? Why haven't you said anything?"

"Nosy!" you accused. "It's pretty new... kind of. I mean, I've known him for a while, and I think maybe I've liked him for a while, I just..."

But then you shook his hands off of your shoulders and stepped away.

"Anyway! You don't need the details."

"Uh, yes, I absolutely do," Brian countered.

Because he was pretty sure you were talking about him.

And suddenly, images flashed through his mind of going on a double date: Sungjin and Brian's co-worker with Brian and... you.

He liked you.

Brian liked you.

As more than a friend.

All of this time he'd been spending with you had made him realize just how... perfect you were. You were smart and hilarious and compassionate and beautiful, inside and out. Honestly, he'd been a fool this whole time for never realizing that.

But he was a fool no longer. He recognized how amazing you were, and he wanted to be with you.

He wanted to go on a date with you, and if his hunch was correct, you wanted to go on a date with him, too.

Before he could say anything, though, you made an excuse about picking up something from your parent's house and left Brian's apartment.

Obviously, Brian told Sungjin almost immediately and, from there, began planning out how and when he would confess and ask you out, officially.

He couldn't believe this. Things were actually working out. You had feelings for him, and now, he had feelings for you. At the same time!

Over the next week, Brian tried to drop hints -- the same hints you'd been dropping lately. He smiled extra brightly at you. He laughed extra loudly at your jokes. He touched your arm, shoulder, or hand at any opportunity. And he definitely didn't bring up the idea of setting you up with one of his co-workers again.

Finally, when you sent a text to the Three Musketeers group chat about getting the promotion you'd been gunning for at work, Brian knew the time had come. He suggested going out for pizza the next evening, and that would be the perfect time to confess to you!

He worked it all out with Sungjin beforehand: Brian would go pay, Sungjin would take you out to the parking lot, and once Brian had left the restaurant, Sungjin would get a "text from his mom" asking him to come help her with something. And that's when Brian would take the opportunity to tell you how he felt.

That's when his life would change, when your Happily Ever After would begin.

Brian's heart hammered inside his chest all throughout dinner, and especially when you'd all cleared your plates and he said, "I'm going to go pay, and then I'll meet you guys outside, okay?"

"Deal!" you grinned.

His stomach flipped at your grin. God, you were so pretty. How had he gone over twenty years not seeing just how pretty you were?

Before he left the table, Brian shot Sungjin a Look, and Sungjin nodded once.

It took everything in him not to ask the cashier if she could hurry it up; he silently reminded himself that five extra minutes wouldn't matter in the long run, not when the 'long run' quite literally meant the rest of his life.

In ten years, when the two of you were happily settled and married, neither of you would remember if Brian had confessed to you at 7 PM or 7:05 PM.

Still, though. It wasn't ten years from now, and the two of you were not yet happily settled and married. So, Brian was anxious to get a move on!

When the cashier finally handed over his receipt and thanked him, he dropped a few bills into the tip jar, turned on his heel, and booked it out of there.

His gaze swept over the parking lot as soon as he stepped foot outside, his heart and stomach flipping over when he spotted you and Sungjin.

He took one step toward you... but then...

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion after that.

Brian watched as you lifted your arms and stepped up to Sungjin, pulling him into a tight embrace. He watched as Sungjin returned your hug, his hands grasping you, his arms holding you in a way that could only be described as 'more than friendly.'

What was going on?

You pulled back after just a few moments, but just when Brian thought maybe it had simply been a hug goodbye, you stood on your toes and...

You kissed Sungjin.

Remember when, all those years ago when Sungjin told him that you were trying to get over your feelings for Brian and his heart felt like lead?

Well, it felt like that again.

His heart felt like a ton of lead that had just been dropped into the ocean and was now sinking down to the bottom.

You didn't have feelings for him. You had feelings for... Sungjin.

How had he read the situation so wrong? All of your bright smiles, loud laughs, gentle touches had meant nothing?

And what made it all worse was the fact that you'd had feelings for him at one point.

He was just about 10 years too late.

[lovecla]

IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME KNOW | jack hughes.

00.1. how it happened:

➴ warnings: none!!

➴ word count: 1.2k

➴ author’s note: welcome everyone!! as i promised, here’s the start to our fuck buddies jack ‘n soph series<3 hope u love them as much as i do!

—♡

IT all started as a joke.

Not your career, no, that was very serious. Sometimes you still couldn’t believe how big you’d gotten. Seriously, it was like magic. People now paid to see your concerts, asked to take pictures with you and related to your songs, your situations.

How crazy was that?

But that isn’t the main joke.

It all started a few weeks after the release of your single, Nonsense. You were alone in your home studio, doing some writing and recording a few ad-libs for your new upcoming album— all songs dedicated to your shitty, fucking cheater of an ex, yeah— when Grace, your best friend and manager, barged in with her phone on her hands.

“Jesus,” you said, putting your hand over your heart. “Don’t you know how to knock? You literally scared the shit out of me, dumbass.”

“Knocking is for the weak. Also, I need to show you this. Ain’t no time for knocking.”

She sat on the chair beside you and showed you her phone. It was some kind of TikTok but even if you tried to understand what it was, you couldn’t.

“So?” Grace asked, a huge smile on her face.

“Hum,” you said, sounding uncertain. “Cool video! Are you leaving me for a TikTok career?”

She laughed out loud. “What?! You’re such a dumbass sometimes,” she showed you her phone again. “This, my love, is the New Jersey Devils account.”

“People who praise the devil like my songs? Didn’t see that coming…”

“Sophia, don’t you fucking tell me you don’t know who they are!” Grace furrowed her eyebrows.

“Hum… I do?” You lied.

She made a weird sound, which sounded a lot like a frustrated scream.

“They’re hockey players, they are in the NHL, National Hockey League. And this video alone has three million likes. And why, you ask me, little puppy,” Grace started using her theater kid voice and you rolled your eyes.

“Probably because they’re hot, I don’t know?”

“I thought that too. But then, I went to check the comments, and all of them were talking about your songs. So I watched the video and I realised, half of the team, grown ass men, were listening to your songs!”

Raising your eyebrows in shock, you watched the video again. And Grace was right. It was one of those “what are you listening to?” videos, but with a bunch of men wearing suits. And at least half of them said one of your songs. Mostly Nonsense, Espresso, Read Your Mind, and, shockingly, one of them even said one of your oldest songs.

Apart from that, the video’s caption said “should we make a Sophia Montenegro x NJ Devils collab??” and, to your absolute surprise, more than a half of the comments said “yes, collab, please!”

Which made you laugh. You were used to all sorts of people listening to your music. Kids, teens, adults, even old people sometimes, but hockey players? Those big ass men who liked to beat each other up during the games?

“That’s new, huh.”

“Apparently, people went crazy over the fact that they listen to your songs. And that’s not even the best part,” Grace squirmed. “Their marketing team reached out to your marketing team,” she pointed to herself. “And they asked you to perform at one of their charity dinners next month!”

You both yelled and jumped out of your seats to hug each other and jump around— being careful with her new Goddess braids. You were so grateful to have someone like Grace to help you out.

“This is, like, a huge thing for you, honey,” Grace teared up a little bit. She cried almost every time you got a new job. “They want to set up a meeting with you, nothing too fancy. They said something about the end of the hockey season and whatever that means, they want you in it.”

“That’s awesome, right?” You smiled. “I’m certain that you said yes already but I’m still going to ask you. Did you?”

“Duh, ‘course I did. You have a meeting with,” she looked at her phone again, reading something. “Shanon Anand tomorrow morning.”

“I love you, Grace Morgan.” You whispered, looking at the woman in front of you, your heart feeling full and warm.

“I love you too, Sophia Montenegro. Let’s rock some hockey boys.”

—♡

TURNS out that Shanon Anand is a very beautiful woman, with Indian features and a smile that would make any dentist proud.

“We are very pleased to have you here, Mrs. Montenegro.” She had a bit of an accent and it was so cute.

You smiled. “Thank you. It’s an honor, really. And please, call me Sophia.”

“Alright, Sophia it is,” she smiled back. “So, I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Hockey world but we’re currently walking towards the end of the seven month season.”

“I have to be honest with you, all I know about hockey is that they skate on the ice and beat each other up. That’s about it, I fear.” You felt your face getting warm.

“It’s alright, dear, no one’s going to ask you questions about Power Plays or penalties,” Shanon laughed and you sighed, thankful. Interviews were something you actually enjoyed doing but answering questions you didn’t really know the answer sucked. “We will hold a charity gala next month, and Grace told us you are available?”

“I am, yeah,” you opened your planner, looking at your summer schedule. “I do have to be in California by the second week of April to perform at Coachella but before that, I’m free.”

“You would be needed in the last week of April, on the 30th. Is that okay?”

“I think so, yes,” you nodded. “Do you have a preference for a performance or?”

Shanon grabbed a huge binder and opened it. “Actually, we do have a few requests, I hope you and your team don’t mind them,” you nodded, grabbing a pen just in case you needed to write anything. “First things first, we’d really like it if you kept it all PG,” she smiled, looking embarrassed.

You laughed, nodding with your head. “I expected it already. Don’t worry, I’ll try to keep my dirty mouth closed.”

“Perfect, thank you. Besides that, we’d request for at least three songs, and if you could maybe sing an acoustic version of them? It’s a night event and the vibes we’re going for are like, jazz club? Sorry if it sounds confusing, we’re still working on the details.”

“Acoustic? Yeah, ‘course. Do you have any songs in mind?”

“No, we thought it’d be better if you chose them. What suits your voice better and all of that.” Shanon ran her hands through her hair and blinked twice in a row. She looked stunning, but tired.

“Alright, I’ll think of a few options.” You nodded again.

“At the end of it, we’d like to take a picture of you with a Devils jersey, if you don’t mind?” She sounded hopeful.

“I don’t, really. I’m fine with it.”

“Perfect!”

The meeting didn’t last long after that and your mind was working really fast to try to have everything perfect. You still had more than a month to prepare so you knew everything was going to be fine.

At least you hoped so.

[sweet-creature101]

Kiwi

Summary: Harry and y/n meet after a long time. Harry sees that y/n’s the same yet also very different from the girl he first set eyes on.

famous!harry ; part one

warnings: mention of alcohol, substances, abuse, sex

Harry felt his heart rip to shreds and break apart as he saw he you leave. Albeit he wasted no time in reminding himself that he shouldn’t feel this way. He kept on chanting things like I don’t like her, I don’t like being around her, she’s obnoxious, her head’s too far up her ass.

The real tragedy was that Harry had dated the most affluent of all women, beautiful models and actresses yet he found himself peering at Sarah’s phone everytime it rang, hoping it would be you.

He would dream of you, consciously and subconsciously. It were as if every fibre in Harry’s body told him that he missed you and how your skin felt next to his, and Harry being as arrogant as possible only brushed off the feeling.

Harry wondered about you, where you were and what your were doing at times. He knew you were touring with 5 Seconds Of Summer. He knew you had helped them write their album, Youngblood. Harry had played that album out of curiosity and immediately recognised your work which consisted of youngblood, want you back and empty wallets.

He had fallen into a new and mudane routine, one of checking everyone’s stories and posts on Instagram. Harry happened to check Luke Hemming’s private account, and he saw Polaroid’s of you.

In one, you were naked lying on your stomach as a white blanket only covered you up to the curve your spine, little modesty but enough to cover your ass. In another, Luke had an arm snaked around your waist with a smile etched on his face as you laughed with a hand covering your face. And in the last polariod, your back was against Luke’s chest, his hands around your waist as you lean towards him. It seemed as if your were about to kiss him.

Harry couldn’t sleep that night.

And that’s how the intial steps of engineering Fine Line took place, with sleepless nights and daydreams of you.

—————————————

Fine Line in a single word was an absolute and utter success. Harry felt as if he had been catapulted straight into intense limelight and scrutiny. Everything he did was placed under a microscope, although he was used to it by now.

Harry hummed the melody of She, one of his favourite songs in the album. The muse, undoubtedly being you. The pencil in his hand bounced up and down. He was going through some last minute tour arrangements. He was excited to say the least, Love On Tour was coming together and that exhilarated him.

“Be quiet I’m calling y/n.” Sarah told him. Harry hadn’t heard from you in a long time. You had phoned him a few months ago, to congratulate him.

“Hello?” Harry spoke into the speaker of his phone.

“Hi Harry.” You spoke. Harry felt his heartbeat go haywire at the sound of your voice.

“Aah, to what do I owe this pleasure y/n?” He tried his best to sound calm and collected, afraid his voice might betray him.

“Just wanted to congratulate you. You’ve done some great work on the album Harry.” You said, your voice soft and sweet.

“Thank you Love. How’s everything going with you?” He needed an excuse to hear your voice.

“Same old stuff. Play this show, play that show, write this song and write that song y’know. Really need a break.” You muttered, huffing out a breath in annoyance.

“How’s everything with you?” You added.

“Good. Even better now actually that I don’t have someone like you up my ass the whole time. Songwriting without you is less stressful.” Harry said chuckling.

You feigned shock, a very dramatic gasp leaving your lips. “And here I was thinking we’ve begun to tolerate each other.”

“I know; I know. You could be a bit more subtle when it comes to telling me how much you like me y/n.”

“Like you?! Seriously Harry?! I can barely even look at you without hurling my guts out.”

“Why are you calling y/n?” Harry asked Sarah.

“Because Mitch and I want her at the party Haz.” Sarah said rolling her eyes.

Every year, Sarah and Mitch host a Halloween party. The kind of party that never goes the way it’s supposed to go. It ends up with at least one person missing for a few days. The last time it happened to be Harry, who found himself in a motel, five hours away from their place after he sobered up. Funky times, he called it.

“Quiet as a mouse.” He said, pretending to zip his lips.

“Y/n! Lovie how are you?” Sarah spoke, her voice warm and a lovely smile on her face as she heard you speak. “That’s great! Are you free this Saturday?” Sarah spoke. Harry wish the phone were on speaker, he wanted to hear your voice again. “Yes…. No! Yes, it’s a Halloween party; well the Halloween party.” Sarah was quiet for a moment, her eyebrows sinched in understanding. Sarah went quiet for a moment, whispering a “I know it’s hard.” Harry wondered what bothered you. “You can’t wear jeans! Well not unless they’re a part of your costume.” Sarah said rolling her eyes. “Listen listen, slow down! You can stay at my place yeah?”

“Oh my god I love you I love you I love you. See you. Mwah.” Sarah squealed after the phone call ended.

“So?” Harry asked her, a smile of anticipation on his face as he looked at Sarah.

“Oh wipe off that smile off your face. You’re insufferable.” Sarah said rolling her eyes.

“M’not!”

“We all know you like her. So you can stop with this charade.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about that look.” Sarah said raising her eyebrows at Harry who looked at her with wide eyes at her statement. “There is no look.” He huffed.

“No there is. It’s a ‘i miss y/n but I don’t like her’ look”

“No there’s not.”

“There is.”

“She’s rude, obnoxious and an unpleasant person.” Harry said crossing his arms.

“Sure sure, that’s why you wrote a whole album about her.”

“It was only a few songs!”

——————————————

The music was blaring and loud. You stood outside Mitch and Sarah’s house, contemplating if you should leave or stay. Truth be told, you were exhausted. You didn’t want to party today, not even in the slightest. You wanted to cocoon yourself and stay away from everyone tonight but Sarah convinced you to come. Even dressing up seemed like a hefty chore.

You got out of the car, muttering a thank you to the driver as you handed him his money. You ran your hands over your dress, a sigh leaving your lips. You had dressed up as a pirate, although it was Vanessa, a good friend of yours who had forced you. You intially planned on dressing up in jeans and a tee shirt.

You push through the crowd, searching for Sarah. You find her near the kitchen island with Mitch and Harry behind her. You feel your heart burn when you set your eyes on Harry. Harry was dressed up as a cowboy clad in hot pink. His arms were bare and he was wearing an open waistcoat, showing off his muscled chest. Sarah spots you and waves you.

“You dressed up!” Sarah says, encasing you in a hug. You hug her back. “Sure did.” You said smiling. Mitch huged you tight and you smile a bit at the gesture.

“That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve laid me eyes on.” Harry said, mimicking a pirate accent. You roll your eyes with a small smile as you hug him. “How’ve you been?” You ask Harry. “Tour is kicking my ass. Excited yet scared y’know.”

“Don’t worry about it you’ll do well.” You said, squeezing his hand lightly as you left the trio to themselves.

Harry noticed something was off. You would’ve retorted back to him. Hell, you would’ve done anything but roll your eyes lazily. He noticed your smile didn’t reach your eyes. You seemed sad and exhausted.

After an hour of talking and drinking Harry decided to look for you. He searched the whole house, up and down and couldn’t find you. He was worried to say the least.

He entered sarahs room, scanned it thoroughly and was about to leave but when he saw you, he felt a tug at his heart. You were in balcony, leaning against the railing with your face in your hands as your body racked with sobs. Harry didn’t know what to do.

“Y/n?” Harry whispered as he entered the balcony. He noticed that you had washed your face bare. There was nothing lining your eyes, only your bare heavy red eyes.

You look at Harry with panic ridden eyes, and immdiately begin to rub away the tears. Harry walks upto you and gently holds your hands in his.

“Hey hey it’s okay.” He shushed you.

“I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m not weak I swear.” You said, your voice heavy and hoarse.

“Never said you were.” Harry replied, holding you in his arms. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I feel like, I don’t deserve this life. I shouldn’t be here, in the place I am today.” You said. You began to cry once more, feeling your chest become heavy.

Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. You bent forward where you stood on the floor, leaning against the balcony and pressing your palms to your face, as you began to cry with the force of a person vomiting on all fours.

Harry felt his heart break even more at your condition. He wanted to soothe you and would even kiss your tears away if that were the price to see you smile again.

“Why do you feel this way Love?” He asked you, tightening his arms around you.

“Because I’ve left behind people.” You said. You couldn’t control your tears.

“I’ve had to do the same y/n. It’s a part of life.” Harry said, your neck buried in chest. You could heart his heart beat through his care chest.

“No no not like that. I gave up on my mom and dad.” You said, squeezing your eyes shut hard. “I left them Harry. I saw them ruin themselves because of drugs and I left them.”

Harry was unsure of what to say. He never expected to hear such a confession from you and in all honesty, you had no clue as to why you were discussing this with Harry. But it felt right to talk to someone about it, especially if that someone was him

“We can go to my place. It’s much more quiet.”

“Okay.”

You sat down in the passenger seat of Harry’s car, looking outside. You were oddly silent. Harry started humming a song to get your attention. You still said nothing. Harry started to sing now. You still said nothing. Harry began to change songs on the radio quickly, one after the other. You still said nothing.

“You look pretty tonight.” Harry said. You only looked at him and nodded. “But the boots y/n, hideous.” He dramatically sighed. “You’ll cause a hole in the windscreen if you keep staring this hard.”

It were as if Harry was desperatly trying to say play with me. You were silent and that’s when Harry decided to pull out the big guns.

“How’s everything with that guy.. Luke Hemmings right?” Harry tried to act clueless. You only rolled your eyes at him.

“What? Broke up with him because he fucked you missionary style?” Harry said, snickering as he remebered your drunken confession.

“Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.” You grumbled. Harry heard the smile in your voice.

“There’s the y/n I adore.” He said, a smile cracking his face.

“Shut up. You’re making too much noise. I can’t even hear myself losing the will to live.” You said as you closed your eyes and laid your head against the back of the seat.

“Great because we’re home.” Harry said as he got out and opened the car door for you. “M’lady.” He said, extending a hand towards you which you took as he led you up the elevator.

You entered the flat and realised it’s still the same. It still smelt of candles and honey. The yellow bean bags lay mushed in the same way and the coffee tables were still dusty. You look around and remembered all the fights, laughter, song writing and mini concerts that took place here. Nostalgia wasn’t very nice to you tonight.

“It’s still the same.” You said, looking around as you stood in the middle. Harry smiled at you. “Never had the time to change it up.” He walked into his room, bringing with him a tee shirt and a pair of boxers. “Thought you might want to change in something more comfortable.”

“Thank you.” You said as you walked into the washroom. You looked at your reflection and reminded yourself to get your act together. You washed your face and tied your hair up in a ponytail and slipped on the tee shirt not bothering to wear the boxers because the tee shirt was good enough at protecting your modesty.

You step outside to see Harry brewing a cup of coffee. He was dressed in a loose tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He smiled at you and handed you the cup.

“I’d much rather have whiskey.” You said. Harry raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“Your wish is my command.” Harry said and went to fetch you a glass. “So…” he trailed off as he brought you the glass and drank some from his.

“It was a moment of weakness. Nothing more nothinh less.” You said as you drank.

One glass multiplied to two, two multiplied to four and four came kept on multiplying until Harry had to literally pry out the glass from your hand.

“You’ll have a headache tomorrow y/n.” He said, keeping the glasses away.

“Good thing I know how to handle handle my liquor then.” You said smiling, your cheeks flush and hinted with pink. You lay down on the sofa with a thud and sigh as you stretch your legs.

“You know, I never told you this but Ive always liked coming here.”

“Really?” Harry asked you, his smile gentle and surprised. “Yeah. It’s a good reminder.”

“A reminder of what?” Harry asked you out of curiosity. “That a place away from home can feel like it.”

“This place feels like home?” He asked you, his eyes gentle and warm. “Yeah. I mean, might be the whiskey talking at this point.” You chuckled as you set the glass down.

“I think you’ve had enough.” Harry said.

“Is that a tattoo gun?” You ask, getting up and fetching the tattoo gun. A mischievous smile on your face. “Yes.” Harry said, his eyes wide in uncertainty. “Give me your hand.” You said, as you plugged in the gun into a power outlet. “I don’t think this is a good idea,”

“Shh Harry I know what I’m doing.”

You didn’t know what you were doing.

“Okay.”

You grab the gun and sit across him, thighs touching. You hold his right hand in yours and begin to tattoo half a heart on the outer part of his little finger. Harry watched you intently, brows sinched, your lower lip encased in your teeth as you carefully drew the heart.

“There.” You said once it was completed. Harry looked at you with an incredulous look, “half a heart?”

“Wait a second fuckface.” You said snorting as you the other half of the heart on your left little finger. “Give me your hand.” You said to him. Harry brought his hand next to yours and there it was, a full heart.

“We have matching tattoos.” You said, “wait, we have matching tattoos.” You repeated with a grievous tone. “HARRY WE HAVE MATCHING TATTOOS!” You exclaimed for the third time, bringing your hands to your face.

“You shouldn’t have let me use the gun.”

“You would’ve done it anyways idiot.” Harry mumbled rolling his eyes. “Besides, they’re not that bad if you look at it from a distance.” He said.

“I am pretty good at this though.” You said smugly, a smirk on your face.

“Yeah yeah wipe the smile off your face.” Harry said makinh a face at you that only made you smile wider.

You raise your hand to flick his nose but he catches your wrist in his hand. The smirk on your face faded and Harry looked at you with raised eyebrows as his hand slowly travelled to your elbow, tugging you close to him until you were almost but not fully in his lap.

“Want to try that again sweetheart?”

Everything happened far too quickly. You had lost the ability to comprehend the fact that you had reached such a juncture. You lean in, brushing your lips against his but not kissing. The fingers of your free hand trail the curve of his jaw and settle down at the base of his neck.

Harry chuckled and said “are you holding back Love?”

You look at him with glassy eyes as you remove his tee shirt. Your hands shaking and fumbling with every move. Harry removes your tee shirt hastily as if he were a hungry man begging on all fours for food. He wraps your legs around his torso and dips your backwards until the springs in the sofa begin to squeak. He cups your face in his hand, his thumbs encasing your face carefully. He kisses you. He kisses you until time topples over and you are sweeped by heavy oblivion.

“If you plan on fucking me, do it right now or else get out so I can make myself come.” You said. Harry smirked.

And then, he fucked you. He fucked you hard against the sofa, claiming you as his his. He buried himself in you again and again. Glorifying in the feel of you, your smell, your taste. He fisted his hand in your hand in your hair, holding you in place. Your legs were wrapped around his waist as sinful noises escaped your lips.

Your hands were wrapped around his hair, tugging harshly as you both felt your core muscles tighten. “Oh shit.” You whisper in his ear as you felt yourself uncoil slowly. Harry lolled his head back in his ecstasy as he reached his climax.

“Fuck, you make missionary feel good.” You said completely breathless. “That’s how you deserve to be fucked.” He said kissing you.

———————————————

“Oh my God you were fucking amazing!” Sarah said squealing as she hugged Harry.

Harry started touring again and this time, the whole world was familiar with him and his work. He was proud, he was proud of himself and his whole team but he couldn’t help missing you.

Harry and you had a certain arrangement for a while but both of you broke it off perhaps three months ago.

“Harry?” you called his name. Harry looked up at you, his eyes laden with a sheen of lust as he looked at you. “Yeah?” He asked you.

“I think we should stop.”

“Stop?”

“Hooking up i mean.” You muttered as you fiddled with the hem of Harry’s tee shirt you wore. Harry raised his eyebrows at your eyebrows at your words and rubbed his eyes.

“Why do you want to stop? I thought things were good.” Harry said, evidently confused with your behaviour. You had always been bold when it came to telling how you felt and what you wanted so seeing you like this, timid and quiet was a surprise to say the least.

“Look at us. Im wearing your tee shirt to bed, we talk all day, we’re always around each other and what not.”

“Are you afraid you’re going to catch feelings?”

“Yes.”

“That’s ridiculous. You know that i’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“Harry. We’re different people. I don’t want to tie myself down to someone. You have your career ahead of you and I have mine.” You reasoned. Truth be told, you had predicted this conversation months ago.

“I think theres something more to this y/n. Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing beyond what I said.”

“There is.”

“No there’s not.”

“Is it Luke?”

“No.”

“Stop with the curt answers and spit it out.”

“Oh fuck you Harry. I can’t deal with this right now.” You spat at him, visibly frustrated.

“It’s Luke isn’t it?”

“No it’s not. We hooked up a few times and that’s it and you shouldn’t even care. Why don’t you go and kiss Kendall’s ass like you always do.”

“What are you even trying to say? It’s impossible to have a conversation with you, Jesus.”

“You want a girlfriend. I can’t be one. You want someone who’ll kiss you out of the blue and cuddle you. I can’t be that person for you Harry so stop wasting your time with me.”

“Y/n listen to me-”

“Goodbye Harry.”

That was the last conversation he shared with you. He felt his heart clench at remembering the conversation that had taken between you two.

Harry saw Sarah rush to the door with a bright smile on her face. She was about to open the door but turned towards Harry after mumbling “oh shit.” under her breath.

“Harry.” She called out his name, drawing it out. “Yeah?”

“Y/n wants to talk to you.”

“Okay.” Harry felt his heart burn and his palms turn clammy.

“She’s outside.”

“What?” He exclaimed.

“Okay bye.” Sarah said rushing out the door.

Harry saw you stand outside the door, you hair loose and falling into straight waves with your eyes lined with your signature liner. You wore a short black dress that was sinched at your waist and fell losely at your hips with a pair or red cowboy boots.

“Hi Harry.” You said, your voice unwavering as you stood in the doorway.

“Y/n, i didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry. I was afraid and this is all so new to me. I fucked up i know. I was too caught up on being tough and not letting you in and what not…”

“Y/n it’s fine listen,”

“No shut up and listen to me first. I’m sorry and I like you, fuck I think it’s more than that and it’s important I get this off my chest. Okay you can speak now.”

“Fuck, get over here so I can kiss you.”

———————————

a/n: I’m yet to re read this so please excuse any typos. Interact with my work, leave me comments, let me know if you liked it! small interaction goes a long way guys! Love you <3

[foxes-that-run]

The 1

The 1 is talking to an ex and updating them on her life, we got to see it reenacted at the 2021 Grammys when Folklore won AOTY:

The 1 was written between March and July 2020. It had not been long since Harry and Taylor saw each other, we know of at least at Ed Sheeran's Wedding in September. Lover and Fine Line (on Taylors 30th Birthday) came out since then, 2019 had been a big year.

In the long pond sessions Taylor and Aaron talked about how it reflects the whole album. Which is interesting when Taylor also sang in Gold Rush that her mind turns Harry's life “into folklore”.

I see The 1, Cardigan and Exile as one conversation (I'll get to Betty). From pleasantries, expressing support and then rehashing their end.

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "yes" instead of "no" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though I hit the ground running each night I hit the Sunday matinée You know the greatest films of all time were never made

In the long pond sessions Taylor said the opening line has a double meaning, that the sound of folklore was a new direction and that she was being open to new experiences personally.

Taylor has a similar line to the bus stop, in Cardigan, which is almost a continuation of The 1, “I knew I'd curse you for the longest time / Chasin' shadows in the grocery line” both capture that feeling of subconsciously looking for someone

Taylor says she’s busy, hits the ground running and fits as much as she can in. Ironic lines in a pandemic. The matinee line sounds like she made time to see Dunkirk, but maybe that's just me.

“The greatest films of all time were never made.” I love this line, she’s reflecting that their relationship was cut short. She also refers to it as a film later in the conversation in Exile. The wildest dreams music video also refers to them as Taylor and Burton

[Pre-Chorus] I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now

In the pre-chorus Taylor reflects on the different views of their relationship in 1989 compared to HS1. They have both said they don’t communicate in person what they can in song.

'If you never bleed your never gonna grow' there is a similar line in Woman on HS1: "he’s right where I should, where I should be but you’re making me bleed”. The reference here is that Harry should have shared his feelings sooner, or then but didn't.

However, in Cruel Summer however, Taylor said "And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know, oh" so it seems mutual to hide their feelings.

In Olivia, Harry said “This isn't the stain of a red wine, I'm bleeding love”

It's alright is a reference to Fine Line's "We'll be a fine line / We'll be alright"

[Chorus] But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one (Ooh)

I love “roaring 20’s” like, it refers to both her age and “it was so Gatsby that year” from TIWWCHNT, referring the party 1989 era before the gates shut in Reputation. 20 is a Haylor theme also

Also tossing pennies and wishes reminds you of I wish you would.

ME! Also includes “I can never leave well enough alone”

Taylor has described their relationship as 'like the mall before the internet' in Coney Island, an incredibly fun place.

[Verse 2] I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You meet some woman on the internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

I love the second verse, she is hoping that her muse is living a happy new life. To me 'adventures on your own' conjures up Harry's post One Direction career. Which it may have been with his second album freshly released.

'We never painted by the numbers' is similar to 'you painted my nights a colour I have searched for since' in Question..?

[Pre-Chorus] I guess you never know, never know And it's another day waking up alone [Bridge] I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today?

Taylor has a few songs that explore Haylor What Ifs:

Cardigan "I knew you would haunt all of my what-if's"

INTHAF Imagines what if they had met as children, and

Suburban Legends imagines a fantasy of them surprising the whole school in a 1950's gym, as a metaphor for being a power couple at a high profile event.

Slut! “Aquamarine, moonlit swimmin' pool / What if all I need is you?”

We were something, don't you think so? Rosé flowing with your chosen family And it would've been sweet If it could've been me In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time But it would've been fun If you would've been the one (Ooh)

More Haylor rosé since Maroon: "Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how".

Digging up the grave also reminds us of the opening of Look at what you made me do, where Taylor emerges as a Zombie wearing a dress similar to the one she wore in Out of the Woods.