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tryingmybestpls · 4 years ago

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Not A Team: Part 2- New World Order

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: The Reader gives a speech at the opening of Steve’s exhibit and has a talk with Sam following his speech.

Rating: T

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER, talks of death, talks of mental illness, feelings of isolation

Read Part One here

Listen to the playlist inspired by the series here

Y/N felt like coming here today was a mistake.

Her stomach tossed and turned like a stormy sea, threatening to send her breakfast all over Rhodey's shiny shoes. She was second guessing everything. Was her dress nice enough? Rhodey had told her she looked great, but she hadn't worn a dress since Steve's funeral-Oh God, what if he was lying to her? No, he wouldn't lie to her-but what if he felt bad? Jesus, dd her shoes look stupid? Maybe she shouldn't have worn heels-but then she always wore heels with dresses and if she wore flats that would look childish. Did her speech sound coherent? Fuck, what if she messes up. Would they think she was doing it on purpose out of retribution for what Steve did? No, they didn't know what Steve did, what he had done to her. What if-

"Hey, hey. What's wrong? You look like you're going to blow chunks." Rhodey cuts through her thoughts like a hot knife through butter. He puts his hand on her back, "Breathe, Y/N."

"Maybe this a bad idea, Rhodey. I mean they have Sam. I think Sam can handle this." She stumbles over her words, trying to calm herself down. Her heart was racing a hundred miles a minute and she swore her hands were shaking,

"You're going to be okay, but you need to relax. I've read and reread your speech a dozen times. It's perfect." Rhodey tries to soothe her, his hand rubbing her back. Y/N squeezes her eyes shut, working on slowing her breathing. In through her nose and out through her mouth.

"Hey pretty lady, I was wondering where the exhibit is. I'm supposed to be giving a speech there today." A voice calls out, sending Y/N's eyes flying open. She turns on her heels, being greeted by the sight of Sam walking towards them, holding the leather case that carries the shield. Y/N can feel the tension melting out of her shoulders as a smile spreads across her nervous face.

"Rhodey, I think they might be letting anyone speak here today." Y/N teases, the anxiousness slipping away, releasing its hold on her. Rhodey chuckles, shaking his head at his friend's antics. She hadn't seen Sam since the days following Steve's funeral and right now, he's a welcome sight. Sam rests his hand over his heart, feigning hurt as he gets closer.

"You wound me, woman." Sam jokes, smiling right back at her. They embrace, her arms wrapping around his neck as his go around her waist, "I missed you, kid."

"I've missed you too, Sammy." She murmurs back, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. They pull away and Sam smiles at her, the skin around his eyes wrinkling. Rhodey clears his throat, gently touching Y/N's upper arm.

"Hey I need to go talk to some people, alright?" Rhodey announces, almost as if he is asking permission. Y/N just smiles and nods, the smile staying on her face until he walks away from the two.

"How are you feeling, Y/N?" Sam questions, to which Y/N sighs, looking down at her shoes. She stays quiet for a moment, feeling his eyes on her.

"You want the truth or you want me to tell you what I tell Rhodey?" She replies, looking back at him. Y/N shifts from one foot to another, glad they were far from the crowd that was gathering. He gives her a look, giving her an answer without opening his mouth. She sighs again, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

"I don't sleep, not really. I get maybe an hour a night if I am lucky. I-The house is filled with boxes that I can't unpack because-" Her voice cracks, her chest rising and falling quickly. She bites the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to not cry, "I thought that leaving the apartment would make him go away, but it didn't."

"Well Steve was always stubborn." Sam responds, making a laugh bubble out of her throat before she could stop it. There was an "I'm sorry" buried in the joke and Y/N knew it, but decided to only focus on the joke.

The stage looked daunting.

She forced herself up those steps, the person who had introduced her still had his hand outstretched towards her. Y/N wondered if she could make a run for it. Sure people will be mad at her, but she won't be forcing herself through this. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, the clapping nothing but a ringing in her ears. For a moment, her eyes landed on the giant banner of her husband, a lump forming in her throat. He was watching over her, his face emotionless as his eyes seemingly followed her every step. Cameras flashed as she stood on the stage, striding over to the podium. Once she stood in front of it, a hush fell over the crowd.

Y/N Rogers had saved thousands of lives. She was an Avenger and had faced countless foes. Hell, her wedding had more people in attendance than this event, but she still felt sick to her stomach. Y/N gave them all a smile as she forced herself to calm down, swallowing hard before speaking.

"To say that Steve Rogers was a special man is putting lightly. He was a hero that many of us, myself included, aspired to be one day. And while many of you only knew him as Captain America, I was among the lucky few that got to know him just as Steve Rogers. Now I could stand up here and tell you about every battle he won, how valiantly he fought-but everyone else is going to do that. Hell, you can read about it in the exhibit." Y/N chuckles, blinking away the tears in her eyes as the crowd laughs.

Y/N finds Rhodey and Sam in the crowd, both of them giving her smiles of encouragement. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the diamond on her wedding ring sparkling in the light. It's the first time she's worn it in a while, but it felt almost right to wear it. Once again, she's pretending like Steve didn't leave her. No, Y/N is ignoring that completely, almost blissfully. These people only know Steve as Captain America, as a god-damned American hero. She isn't going to tarnish that, won't ruin his legacy. And regardless of what Steve did to her, she is still in love with him and she wants to talk about the man she fell in love with, not the one that hurt her. Y/N inhales and exhales shakily before continuing.

"Steve was so much more than just Captain America. He was my best friend and my husband. He was the type of man to pick up flowers for you just because. The type of man to tell you that you looked really pretty even though you were covered in dirt and ash. He would let me go on and on about things that didn't even matter, but with the way he paid attention you would think that I was telling him the secrets of the world. Steve loved staying in and having movie marathons-he-he had a list he'd carry with him to write down things he needed to learn about. Before we dated, he would text me randomly, asking me why Jar Jar Binks is hated so much or asking me to explain what emojis are. He never quite got the hang gof the latter." A laugh comes out of Y/N's mouth, the crowd following suit. There was a smile on her face, a warmth spreading in her chest.

"He's the man I'll be in love with until the day I die, but then I'll fall in love all over again because I'll be able to see him again. Steve was the sweetest, kindest man I've ever met and while I will always wish we had more time together, I was lucky to have him as long as I did. We were all lucky to have him." Y/N pauses again, her throat constricting with emotion, "Even though he's gone, Steve lived a long life-a life longer than some of us get and I am happy that so many different facets of his life is going to be explored and shared with so many people. I hope you all enjoy the exhibit. Thank you."

The applause that followed was almost thunderous. Y/N smiled as her heart slammed against her ribcage, cameras flashing as she made her way off the stage. She was glad it was finally over as she moved to stand next to Rhodey and Sam. Sam kissed her cheek before he climbed up the stairs to the stage. Rhodey rubbed her back, telling her quietly that she did great. She just nodded in response, her eyes on her friend, watching as Sam leaned the shield against the plexiglass podium.

"Thank you Y/N for making my job a lot harder." Sam teases, causing everyone to chuckle. Y/N smiles right back at him, shaking her head as her friend carries on, "Steve represented the best in all of us. Courageous, righteous, hopeful. And he mastered poising stoically. "

Sam's a natural at this, standing up there like its nothing. And while Y/N should be focused on the speech, her eyes keep drifting down to the shield at his feet.

"The world has been forever changed. A few months ago, billions of people reappeared after five years away, sending the world into turmoil. We need new heroes. Ones suited for the times we're in. Symbols...are nothing without the women and men that give them meaning. And this thing," Sam chuckles, picking up the shield, "I don't know if there's ever been a greater symbol. But it's more about the man who propped it up and he's gone. So, today we honor Steve's legacy, but also, we look to the future. So thank you, Captain America. But this belongs to you."

Y/N feels sick to her stomach as she watches Sam hand the shield off. Her chest feels tight and she-she can't be here. There's a ringing on her ears and she can't breathe. Y/N pushes through the crowd, not bothering with pleasantries as she does it. A dozen emotions rack her body, causing her hands to start to heat up. She forces it down, deep down as she walks into an empty bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Sam gave away the shield.

He gave it away.

Like it was nothing.

And she wants to scream, wants to cry, but it won't come out. Y/N won't let it, not now when she is still in public. She walks over to the sinks, her hands gripping the counter. Her eyes are rimmed with red, eyes all watery. Her red painted lips press into a thin line as she forces herself to not cry, practically glaring at her reflection. What did her therapist tell her to do? Ah yes, breath in and out. In and out.

This was all too much way too soon. She couldn't handle this. She was being bombarded with memories and emotions already and now Sam giving the shield away? She felt like she was going to lose it. A part of her felt like she was overreacting. overthinking this whole situation. And maybe she was. Y/N did that from time to time. Tony had told her she was an expert of making mountains out of molehills. Maybe Sam just didn't want to be Captain America, didn't want to shoulder that burden. That was understandable. It was a shitty, shitty job-one that Sam didn't ask for. He shouldn't be forced to take on the mantle of Captain America, not when the previous owner had tossed it away so carelessly.

Yet, the bigger part of her was incredibly upset. Angry at the fact that Sam handed off the shield to be shelved in a museum. Overwhelmed by the amount of Steve that was everywhere. Confused over the multitudes of feeling that were swarming her body.

And there was nothing she could do about any of them. She just had to grin and bear it, just like she's been doing since Steve decided he much rather spend an entire lifetime with a woman he knew for a few months. So Y/N collected herself, blinked away her tears, and left the bathroom. Her feet had a mind of their own, carrying her towards the one place she didn't want to be.

The exhibit.

Steve's image is plastered on every single surface, telling the details of every part of his life. Scrawny Steve, bootcamp Steve, darling icon of patriotism during the war Steve, frozen Steve, Battle of Manhattan Steve, cartoon Steve punching Hitler, Steve during Sokovia, Steve on the run. Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve. He covers every single square inch, which makes sense because this is his exhibit. And while Y/N knows she should just turn on her heel and not put herself through it, she throws caution to the wall. She's already incredibly upset, so she might as well pour gallons and gallons of salt and lemon juice into that open wound. So she forces herself deeper into the exhibit, running straight into the very last man she wants to see at this moment.

"You know I wasn't expecting to find you here." Sam tells her as soon as her foot enters the next room. She keeps her mouth shut, so he adds "Rhodey is looking for you."

"You know on his right sleeve of his suits, right near his wrist, he had my initials stitched. He told me he wanted to carry a piece of me into every mission, into every fight." Y/N announces as she looks at a picture of Steve on a mission, most likely taken by Natasha. Sam sighs, walking over to her, wanting her to see his point of view.

"Look I know you're upset-" He starts, but is immediately cut off by a dry chuckle slipping out of Y/N's mouth as she walks around the room. She wants to lay in to him, wants to give him a piece of her mind.

"Oh I am far past the point of being "just upset", Wilson. It wasn't yours to give away. I-I don't care if you didn't want the mantle, but..." Her angry words trail off once she realizes what part of the exhibit she has reached, her face dropping.

Y/N stops in front of a part of the exhibit labeled 'Two Heroes United'. Her eyes roam over the pictures of her and Steve's wedding and the pictures taken throughout the duration of their relationship, so much more than what the file Rhodey had left detailed. So many smiles, so much happiness filling each and every picture. Her facade is cracking, chipping away as she forces herself to study every picture, studying their faces over and over, trying to see if there was something she had missed, if-if there was something she could have said or done to hold onto him a little longer. If there was something hidden behind his smile, behind his touches, they don't reveal themselves in the photographs.

She's just a footnote in his life, a blurb at the end of a long story. A tool to make him look like an all-American family man. Bucky and Sam had much larger parts of the exhibit dedicated to their roles in Steve's life and who they are outside of being Steve's friends. Y/N-well Y/N gets this, a paragraph saying that she was on the team and then married Steve. She is just haphazardly tacked onto the story of his life, a cute story to make people feel all warm inside. He got his happily ever after, they'll say-or they'll whisper to one another God she was so lucky to have him. They won't ask if she got her happily ever after or if she feels lucky now.

Sam got to hand off the shield, got to throw away the title of Captain America. He gets to keep on living his life after this, but Y/N-Y/N will always be Steve's wife. And it doesn't matter how many people she saved or what she did with her time on earth, she will only be know for being the wife of the man who abandoned her. Y/N's tied to him for eternity, stuck loving a man who decided to love someone else.

And then, just like that, something inside of her just snaps. Her facade fully crumbles, leaving her unable to mask what she's going through. Y/N's eyes fill up with tears and she's unable to blink them away before they spill over the edge, sending tears rolling down her cheeks. And as she stood there, crying in the middle of the exhibit dedicated to Steven Grant Rogers, a depressing epiphany popped into her mind.

The shield was the last part of Steve that she had that wasn't tainted in some way, a piece of him that she could still bear to see. And Sam had just given it away, leaving her with nothing but memories that would haunt her.

"I watched your speech. You did really good, Y/N." Her therapist praises, giving her a soft smile. Y/N nods, twisting her wedding ring on her finger. She had decided to start wearing it again, even though her feelings about Steve were still conflicted. While a part of her thought that this meant she was healing, Y/N knew it was more likely tied to the fact that Sam had given up the shield.

"It-It felt good." Y/N replies, shifting in her seat. She had thought it was a subtle movement, but Dr. Raynor gave her a look. After a few months of court-ordered appointments, the therapist knew Y/N all too well and she sure as hell knew when Y/N wasn't telling the truth.

"Something is upsetting you. What happened?" The doctor questions, clicking her pen. Y/N dreaded the noise. It meant a longer session, more bandaids being ripped off in order to force the wounds into the light. It would mean she would return to her home a little colder, a little emptier.

"Nothing happened. It-I had a good day. A good week." Y/N tries to reassure her, even going as far as to give her what she thought was a honest smile. Dr. Raynor held up her pad of paper, making a show of slowly bring the pen down to the paper. Y/N's smile falls and she looks down at her hands, letting out a small sigh.

"He-Sam gave away the shield. He gave it away like it was nothing." The ex-hero announces, feeling like a scolded child. Raynor lowers her pen and paper, settling back into her seat.

"And you feel like he shouldn't have?"

"No. No, Steve-Steve chose him. Steve gave him the shield because he knew that Sam was good, that Sam could handle it. And-And Sam just gave it away." Y/N stammers, picking at a thread that was hanging off her shirt.

"You know, I think that is the first time you have said his name aloud." Raynor mentions, causing Y/N to stop her movements. The thread is caught between her fingers, pulled taut. The doctor continues, "You always refer to Steve as 'he' or 'him' or 'my husband'. You never say his name."

"I don't think I was ready to be around...Steve. Not that much." Y/N tries to shift the focus, shame filling her, her face feeling hot. She knows she has her reasons not to say his name, but she still felt terrible about not being able to say his name.

"But you still spoke at the opening of his exhibit. I'm sure everyone would more than understand why you couldn't. So why did you decide on speaking?" The therapist asks, taking down a couple notes of her pad of paper. Y/N stays silent for a moment, letting go of the thread to start twisting her ring again.

"I-I don't know. Rhodey asked me and I-I guess I thought I could do it. And the speech wasn't bad I just-I wasn't expecting Sam to give away the shield." Y/N responds, her voice soft. She feels so small, sitting here on this charcoal grey couch. Y/N almost felt...stupid for being so angry at Sam. It wasn't his fault at all and as Y/N said everything out loud, she felt like such an asshole.

"If you would've known that Sam wanted to give the shield away, would you have stopped him?" Dr. Raynor replies, leaning forward slightly as she takes a few notes. Y/N feels herself sinking into the couch.

"I don't know. I-I wish he would have just told me so that we could've talked about it." She answers, looking out of the window. Dark grey clouds filled the sky, blocking out a lot of the sunlight that wanted to shine down on the city. Y/N didn't know if she would have actually forced him to keep the shield. That wasn't on him to have hold on to hat chunk of vibranium. It was wrong for Steve to have thrown that all on Sam. What would be the alternative? For her to keep the shield? Y/N highly doubted that the United States government would allow that.

Y/N was watering her garden when her phone started to ring in her back pocket. She quickly moves to shut off the water hose before she slips the phone about her pocket. Sam's name and picture appears on her screen, making uneasiness fill her stomach. Y/N exhales through her noise loudly before answering it, holding the phone against her ears.

"Have you seen the news?" Sam asks, not even letting her get a single syllable out.

"No, I've been outside-What's going on, Sam?" Y/N questions, making her way to the house. Something was definitely wrong. Sam never called her unless it was for emergencies. if they did communicate, it was mainly through texting. Her heartbeat started to race, as did her thoughts. A million different scenarios filled her head, each one worse than the last.

"You need to turn on the news right now." Sam replies as she opens the back door, quickly crossing the kitchen and walking into the living room. Her hands are almost shaking as she picks up the remote, turning the television on. Luckily for her, the last thing she had been watching was the news. Unluckily for her, she was greeted with a man holding the shield-Steve's shield, dressed in what looked like an off-brand, shitty version of the Captain America suit.

Anger filled her body. It had been four days tops since Sam handled off the shield and already, they had found their 'new Captain America'. The man in question was smiling smugly in the ill-fitting suit, waving at the camera, holding onto his shield tightly. God, Y/N wanted to beat the shit of the man and every single person who had okayed this. She could only hear bits and pieces of the speech as the news replayed it, but even that bullshit was too much for her to handle. She muted the television, tossing the remote on the couch.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?" Y/N exclaims, her hands getting warm. The Avenger was unable to get to anything articulate as rage filled her. She quickly put the phone on speaker, setting the device down just in case her hands caught flame.

"I know. I know. It's fucking bullshit." Sam replies, sighing. Y/N paced in front of the television, trying to calm herself down before she burned a hole through her rug. On the screen, the fake Cap was talking about something, a saccharine smile spread across his face. Y/N wanted to take that God damn shield and smash his teeth in.

"That asshole has my husband's fucking shield. They-He isn't supposed to be Captain America, okay? It's just not-It's not theirs to give away." Y/N's voice cracks towards the end, tears filling her eyes. While she wasn't Steve's number one fan, she hated that they had already chose someone to take up his title. If Sam wasn't going to be Captain America, then no one should be Captain America.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I wouldn't have given away the shield if I would've known...I'm sorry." Sam murmurs over the phone. Y/N covers her face with her almost glowing hands as she tries to control her breathing, not able to respond to Sam’s apologies. Her sadness and anger quickly shifted into something else.

Something inside of her switched on, something that she hadn't felt in a long time, not since she was a hero, back when she was an Avenger.

Y/N wanted to go to work.

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Not A Team taglist (if you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know!)

@lady-elena-adeline @simonedk @hersilencedscreams @rqmanoff

#steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers #chris evans x reader #bucky barnes x reader #sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #tfatws #tfatws spoilers

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burberryharold · 4 years ago

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hey, lovies! i’ve been so excited to post this fic because i am in love with Harry and Jules and i hope you will be too (and excuse the lousy banner i just wanted to have something lol)! this is a part of @1dffchallenges’s valentine’s day challenge, so i hope you enjoy reading it and happy valentine’s day, it’s all about spreading love around so here is some love from me to all of you ❤️

a special thank you to @fireproofrry @bodejacketharry @strawberryystyles for beta reading and giving feedback, you are absolute angels <3

word count: 7.7k

warnings: none!

challenge prompt and dialogue: strangers alone on valentine’s day + “I’m allergic to chocolate. And roses.”

It’s official, valentine’s day is the worst.

At least that’s what Jules thought as she adjusted herself on the bar stool, trying to get into a comfortable position while she waited for her drink to be served.

It wasn’t in Jules’ agenda to spend what was supposed to be the most romantic day of the year alone at a bar ten minutes away from her apartment. If she was still with Leon, they would have been having a nice dinner somewhere, laughing over whatever funny story one of them had to share about their day at the company.

But alas, Leon was someone else’s now and Jules was only left with her own company.

Truth be told, though, Jules never minded being alone, in fact, she enjoyed being by herself because people were simply exhausting.

But being alone and being lonely were too completely different things, and Jules hated feeling lonely.

And valentine’s day only made that worse. Seeing loved up couples around her, flashes of red and pink everywhere she glanced, hearing cheesy love songs blasting through the speakers of the shops she passed by. Everything about valentine’s day just seemed to remind her of her lonely status.

Instead of staying at her apartment all night long doing nothing but watching rom coms and feeling sorry for herself, Jules thought of a better alternative, which was to get pissed drunk. So when she got up in the morning to go to work (because even on valentine’s day duty calls), she put on her favourite black dress, one that was sleeveless and had a deep v-neckline, and put on enough makeup to feel confident in the way she looked before pulling on her coat and venturing into the cold streets of London.

If she was going to get pathetically drunk by herself at a bar after work whilst everyone else was being all lovey dovey, then she would look hot doing it.

The sound of a glass coming in contact with the wooden surface broke her out of her reverie and she glanced up, finding that the bartender had placed her drink in front of her and he was beaming at her. “There you go, love, happy valentine’s day.”

After squinting at the name tag (she’s never seen him here before, he must be new), Jules forced herself to return his smile and lifted her glass. “Cheers, Jonah.”

Poor guy must have thought she was waiting for a date or something. Too bad, no one was going to be joining Jules on this fine evening. Just me, myself, and I.

Setting her glass back on the counter after taking a big gulp, Jules scowled as she was reminded of the items she had received earlier in the day. For some reason, Leon thought it was a good idea to give her a box of chocolates and a rose, even though they were no longer together and he had another woman by his side.

She appreciated the thought behind it, he probably just wanted to be nice or maybe he felt guilty, but his gift was staring at her, almost laughing at her misery and she wasn’t having it.

That is why she instantly asked Jonah for a fork, which caused him to send her a confused look but he complied nonetheless, and she proceeded to stab the pieces of chocolate placed perfectly in the box, taking out her frustration on the sweets.

Once satisfied, she dropped the fork with a clunk and heaved out a sigh, lazily resting her chin in her right hand before looking back at Jonah. He was staring at her with wide eyes as he dried off some shot glasses, surely thinking that she was a lunatic, but Jules just flashed him a sweet smile and shifted her eyes back to the chocolates she had just assaulted.

Poor chocolate, but oh well.

“Are you alright there?”

“What the fuc-“ The sudden voice caused her to jump in her seat and she almost fell off the bar stool if it weren’t for the hand that magically materialised behind her, holding her steady.

Before she had a chance to slap the hand off her back, the stranger retracted it and returned to his seat and she had the chance to take a proper look at him.

The man stared back at her with concerned eyes, a stool separating the two of them, but he was still not that far away from her. Jules wondered when he had gotten there because she certainly didn’t feel him arrive. Perhaps it was during her chocolate rampage.

What really surprised her though, more than his sudden appearance, was the fact that she knew who he was. In fact, she believed everyone knew the man sitting beside her because it was none other than Harry Styles.

Many questions ran through Jules’ head, the most important being what on earth was a guy like him doing at this bar on valentine’s day? Jules never believed in the image the media painted of him, but surely he has something better to do than be here, all by himself it seems?

As big of a fan as she was, the fact that he was right before her didn’t faze Jules all that much, her mind was more preoccupied by other matters. So, she ended up doing what she would’ve done if it was any other person: she glared at him and wordlessly turned back in her seat, pretending as if he wasn’t there.

He didn’t seem to take the hint.

“You were quite aggressive with the chocolate there.” His deep voice floated in the empty bar as he pointed at the box in front of her.

Jules inhaled deeply before responding in a flat tone. “I’m allergic to chocolate.” Glaring at the single rose lying beside the box, she grabbed it and tossed it on the floor beneath her, silently cursing Leon once more. “And roses.”

She felt guilty for littering, but she’d pick it up when she leaves. Eventually.

“Are you really?” The man beside her questioned, leaning forward in his seat, his body completely turned towards her at this point. She could tell from her tone that he was skeptical of her supposed allergies and she honestly couldn’t blame him.

“No,” she found herself shaking her head, signalling for Jonah to get her another drink, still keeping her body facing forward and only glancing at him from her peripheral vision, “I’m just fucking with you.”

To her surprise, he let out a small laugh, not seeming to be upset. Jules couldn’t help but turn her head a bit to look at him, finding a dimpled smile on his and she wondered what was wrong with this guy.

“May I ask why you were stabbing the poor sweets then?”

Figuring she should just put him out of his misery and answer his question, Jules huffed and crossed her legs, not missing the way his gaze flickered down for a split second before returning to her face. She ignored it and sighed, “Well if you must know, my ex gave them to me this morning.”

“Trying to get you to take him back?”

“Oh god no,” Jules laughed at the notion, her hand waving off his wrong assumption, “he’s as happy as can be with his new girlfriend.”

The blatant confusion on his face prompted her to provide more explanation.

“We broke up a couple of months ago, he left me for someone else. So he probably just felt guilty.”

“He left you for someone else? And before the holidays?” When she nodded in confirmation, he shook his head with a frown. “Bastard.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Valentine’s day just sucks, it’s just a reminder of how lonely you are,” she muttered with bitterness, “Of how lonely I am.”

“Well if it’s any consolation,” Harry said, pausing to ask the bartender for another drink, “I’m lonely tonight too.”

“Well, obviously, otherwise you wouldn’t be here getting drunk on your own.” With a few drinks already in her system, Jules practically had no filter whatsoever (not that she really had one in the first place).

“Touché,” he clicked his tongue, then leaned back to chug down the rest of his glass. Jules was almost concerned by how quickly he downed his drink, but she’s not in a position to talk, after all, she’d been doing the same. “But I’m not getting drunk on my own now, am I? You’re right here.”

She scoffed, eyebrows raising at his words. “Who said I’m keeping you company? Or that I’m not leaving any second now?”

“I don’t think you are.” He responded with much conviction that it almost threw Jules off.

“You think too confidently about a stranger you just met.”

“Let’s fix the strangers part then, shall we? I’m Harry.” He extended his ring-clad hand and Jules noticed a coat of red nail polish on his fingers. How ironic.

She sighed before deciding to entertain him, grabbing a firm hold of his surprisingly warm hand. Maybe she’ll allow him to keep her company tonight. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to leave her alone anyway.

“Jules.” She simply responded before turning back to her drink, swirling the pink straw around. She made a mental note to thank Jonah later for the cute straw.

“Jules” Harry repeated, as if testing the name on his lips and Jules would be lying if she said that she didn’t like the way it rolled off his tongue. “Is that a nickname for Julie? Julia? Short for Juliann-“

“Juliet. It’s Juliet.” She interrupted his ridiculous ramble. He surely was inquisitive. And did she really look like a Julianne?

“Huh,” he hummed, gliding a finger over the rim of his glass, staying silent for a few seconds and Jules thought he was maybe done for the night.

She thought wrong, it seems.

“Oh, Juliet, oh, Juliet, where art thou, Juliet?” He dramatically recited, voice going deeper as he stared upwards at a spot over the bar. Simply put, Jules thought he looked ridiculous.

She could hear Jonah snickering in the background.

“It’s where art thou, Romeo, but nice try.” She rolled her eyes in response to his theatrics. Almost everyone she’s ever encountered has commented on her name and made a reference to the infamous Shakespearean tragedy that she’s never been too fond of. It’s why she mostly went by Jules.

No one’s ever recited that line though, however wrong it was. That was a first.

“I knew that,” the curly-haired man mumbled beside her, swirling his glass and watching the ice cubes swim around, “was just joking, geez, tough crowd.”

Jules couldn’t help but roll her eyes again in response. That joke got old a long time ago.

She’s beginning to regret coming to this bar tonight. Maybe she should’ve just headed straight home and cuddled into her blankets.

“It’s pretty, though,” he added a few moments later, “beautiful name for a beautiful woman”

No way. She huffed, spinning in her seat to face him once again. “That’s your line? Tell me, Mr. Rockstar, has that really worked on anyone before?”

She could tell he was a bit surprised but tried to hide it; unluckily for him, Jules was a very observant person, hardly anything passed her.

“I-I didn’t mean it like that-“

She interrupted him again and leaned in closer, resting her elbow on the countertop and raised an eyebrow. His eyes flickered for a fleeting second to the charm bracelet adorning her wrist. “So you don’t think my name’s beautiful? Or that I’m beautiful? Sheesh, Harry, you’re not looking good here.”

Harry spluttered, staring at her with eyes blown wide in panic and Jules almost felt bad for messing with him; it was just hard not to, she was lonely and he was right there annoying her with his lousy jokes, so he has the unfortunate fate of being her victim tonight (and truthfully, he brought it on himself). And if she was being honest, messing with Harry Styles was just too entertaining of an opportunity for her to pass on.

To be fair, she was a little annoyed by his presence in the beginning, having originally planned to wallow in her misery all by herself, but now she’s having fun. She might just enjoy her time with him.

“No- no of course I think you’re beautiful, y-your name too,” he responded in clear panic, seemingly trying to figure out how he can redeem himself. Jules’ attention was momentarily caught by the way his rings glimmered under the light as he flexed his fingers, still fumbling for a response. “I was just-“

“Styles,” she interrupted him, yet again, with a light-hearted laugh and shook her head, hair falling forward on her shoulders, “Relax, was just messing with you.”

His shoulders visibly relaxed and he heaved out a sigh of relief; his eyes then narrowed and he lifted his hand, pointer finger wagging in her direction. “You really like messing with people, huh? Not very nice of you.”

“Made you sweat, no? Was just having fun. I can now say that I’ve made the infamous Harry Styles stumble over his words. How much do you think they’ll pay me for that hot gossip? Reckon it would be a lot.” She said as she turned back in her seat, now facing the bar once again, but she knew he caught the smirk on her face and the teasing lilt in her tone.

Coming to the bar was definitely a good decision.

Harry felt like a proper idiot.

Here he was, sitting at a pub with a lovely woman that clearly didn’t want to be bothered, yet he had to fuck things up and be a git.

And the Juliet bit? Harry had never been more embarrassed, he didn’t know what he was thinking, or if he was thinking at all. He made sure to remind himself that he wasn’t that funny and should just stop trying to be. You’re making a fucking fool of yourself.

In spite of his rather embarrassing advances, Harry found himself enjoying Jules’ company immensely, even if she had barely looked his way when he had arrived at his spot.

She might’ve looked irritated by his insistent attempts to start a conversation with her in the beginning, but from the way her body has been facing him for the past half an hour and the smile or two she’d thrown his way, Harry had a feeling she was warming up to him.

He discovered that she was an accountant, which thoroughly surprised him because she didn’t seem like one. Harry doesn’t like to judge a book by its cover, but Jules definitely didn’t scream accountant, more like a Greek goddess or something. Her black dress hugged her body in a way that almost made Harry dizzy; he had noticed her the second he walked into the nearly empty pub – and before he could even think about it, he found his legs carrying him in her direction (he was already headed to the bar anyway, or so he told himself).

Admittedly, the way she was stabbing the chocolates had him fearing for his life for a split second, but Harry brushed it off and figured she just wasn’t a fan of valentine’s day, if her apparent disdain for the sweets and the rose before her was any indication.

He was also surprised to learn that she’d moved here from America about five years ago and this pub was one she often frequented, yet Harry had never run into her somehow despite coming here a lot and living not too far himself.

He’s glad their paths have finally crossed tonight, though.

That being said, Jules was definitely keeping him on his toes. He never knew what she was going to say next, and she certainly did not hold back from saying exactly what was on her mind.

Harry found himself liking that about her, even if her forwardness came at his expense sometimes (he couldn’t say he didn’t deserve it). Oftentimes, people acted cautious around him and treated him differently just because of his status. Not Jules, though.

But now he could tell that she had something on her mind, from the way she looked at him then shifted her eyes elsewhere a second later.

“What is it?” He questioned, deciding to put her out of her fidgety state. He wasn’t sure what was holding her back, she certainly had no problem handing his ass to him earlier.

“It’s just,” she started, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, the movement catching Harry attention for a second before he reminded himself to be respectful, “what are you doing here by yourself tonight? I find it hard to believe that someone like you doesn’t have anyone to hang around on a day like this.”

Someone like him? Harry furrowed his eyebrows, not sure what she was implying with her words but he didn’t believe she meant it in a negative manner necessarily.

“That came out wrong, I didn’t mean anything like that,” she quickly defended, face becoming redder by the second and Harry was a little endeared by the sight. The woman before him was confident all throughout their conversation, having no fear in expressing her thoughts, yet now she was the flustered one. And Harry couldn’t help but enjoy it.

Time to give her a taste of her own medicine.

“What, thought someone like me had a flock of women at their beck and call and that I’d be off with one or some of them tonight?”

He gave her a blank look afterwards, pretending that he found offence in her words and he almost blew his cover at the way her face visibly fell.

“N-no!” she exclaimed, voice rising a few octaves and Harry could see the bartender, Jonah, suddenly flinch behind her from the sound. He pressed his lips together to silence the chuckle that threatened to escape and continued to stare Jules down.

“Of course I didn’t mean it like that,” she added in a much calmer tone, though Harry could detect that panic lacing her voice and he was starting to feel guilty. “I never believed that you were like that, I just,” she paused, averting her gaze away and staring at the lights above them instead, “never mind, just ignore me.”

Harry figured that she already knew of who he was and his status, and despite having just met her, the fact that she just said she doesn’t believe the rumours about him filled him with inexplicable warmth and he had to remind himself again that he’d only just met this woman. He shouldn’t feel anything of the sort towards her.

He could tell by the way her eyebrows were furrowed that she felt bad about what she’d said, so Harry called out her name and waited for her to look at him again.

When she did, her face holding an apprehensive look, he smiled at her and leaned a bit closer, which made little difference because there was still some space separating them.

“I was just messing with you, Jules,” he reached forward and flicked her nose, causing her to instinctively scrunch her face in a cute manner that had Harry’s stomach fluttering. “Doesn’t feel that nice now, does it?”

Jules chuckled in disbelief, wide eyes staring back at him and a smile was slowly stretching on her lips. “Touché. I see how it is then.”

Harry just shrugged, his own lips twitching as another smile threatened to appear. “Just having some fun, eh?”

Jules was now beaming at him and if Harry was standing, he was certain that his knees would’ve buckled at the sight. He already knew that Jules was gorgeous, and he was sure anyone would agree with him, but when as she smiled at him like that, eyes shining bright under the warm orange lights, brown hair cascading loosely yet somehow perfectly on her shoulders, there was no doubt in Harry’s mind that there was an angel sitting before him.

“Truce then?”

Her voice brought him back to earth and Harry chuckled before he shook her outstretched hand, marvelling for a moment at the way it felt enveloped in his. “Truce.”

“But to answer your question,” Harry said after a few beats of silence, glancing at her to find her eyes already set on him. “I didn’t have anything planned, haven’t been on many dates recently to be honest, so I just figured I’d come here and spend time with my good friend,” he lifted his drink with a wide grin on his face, “alcohol, the one thing that never let me down.”

Jules threw her head back in a laugh, the sound being music to Harry’s ears and he wished he could record it just to hear it again and again. “Amen to that.”

The two clinked their glasses together, laughing stupidly for no reason, before they threw their heads back to drink.

“Another round, then?”

Jonah suddenly appeared in front of them, startling Harry a bit. Sometimes he forgot that the man was lingering around behind the bar.

Jules took the liberty to respond for the both of them, exclaiming a “hell yeah, buddy!” that had the two men laughing, and soon enough their glasses were refilled.

After taking a sip, Harry leaned his head on the palm of his hand and set his eyes on Jules again, “So, are you a fan? Of me or of the band?”

He had to ask, he couldn’t help but wonder. If she was indeed a fan, she certainly didn’t show it.

Jules shrugged, playing nonchalant it seemed, but it didn’t escape him the way her cheeks seemed to redden. “Eh, I dabble. You’re alright.”

Her response made him chuckle. “Good to know.” Call him a narcissist, but he really wanted to know whether or not she liked his music. Perhaps he’ll inquire further later.

Because Harry knows that there’s no way he’s letting Jules go anytime soon.

Getting to know Harry was fun.

Sometime during the night, Harry had migrated from his seat onto the bar stool beside her, their thighs brushing against each other every now and then.

Tapping his fingers around his glass, Harry’s rings clinked against it and Jules couldn’t help but be slightly captivated by the action. She wasn’t one to stare at anyone’s hands, but she had to admit that Harry’s were fascinating to look at; his long and slender fingers, adorned by a number of his infamous rings, were truly a sight to see.

She took the chance to also admire his outfit, something she was too busy to do earlier on. His coat was long discarded on the stool beside him, which allowed her eyes to run over his figure. His upper body was covered by a plain white t-shirt with the word “Sex” displayed on his chest, a pair of pair of wide-legged black pants covering his long limbs; it was a simple fit yet it made it difficult for Jules to take her eyes off him. And his hair just looked so soft that her fingers were begging her to touch the fallen strands on his forehead.

Hearing Harry clear his throat broke her out of her trance and Jules realised from the smirk that stretched on his lips that she’d been caught in the act.

She tried playing it off, as if she hadn’t been shamelessly checking him out for the last couple of minutes and smoothed her hands down her dress, adjusting in her seat because honestly, her butt was starting to ache.

But she didn’t want to leave just yet.

Seeming to notice her discomfort, however, Harry downed the last bit of his drink before setting his glass down with a smack, causing Jonah, who was still lingering around them, to shoot Harry a warning glance and a low “careful!”, to which Harry smiled sheepishly before turning to face her again.

“Want to get out of here?”

Jules’ eyebrows shot upwards in surprise, having not expected him to want to continue spending the night with her.

“Sure there’s nothing else you’d rather be doing?” She couldn’t help but question, still struggling to grasp the fact that he still wanted to be around her. Her hands were fidgeting with the hem of her dress, eyes staring into his emerald ones as she waited to hear his response.

Truth be told, she was enjoying his company far much more than she had anticipated and she didn’t want to part from him just yet.

To her relief, a dimpled smile adorned Harry’s face as he took in her words before he shook his head, “Trust me, Jules, there’s no one else I’d rather be with tonight.”

She’d be lying if she said her heart didn’t skip a beat at that.

The two got up from their seats after thanking Jonah and fighting over who’s paying because Harry insisted on paying for her drinks. As she was gathering her things, she felt Harry’s presence behind her and she realised, after looking at him over her shoulders, that he was holding her coat up for her.

Heat rushed into her cheeks at the gesture, finding it sweet that he was helping her when he didn’t really have to. “Thank you,” she whispered, turning to him with a smile after feeling him adjust her hair.

His only response was a faint “No need” and he quickly turned to shrug on his own coat, the bashful smile on his lips not going unnoticed by her.

Flashing Jonah another smile, Harry extended his arm towards her and nodded his head towards the exit. “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

The two stepped into the night, the biting London air hitting Jules’ cheeks immediately and she was positive her nose was already red from the cold.

Jules reached into her pocket to grab her phone, realising that she hasn’t checked the device since she walked into the bar. There weren’t any notifications that she missed, which wasn’t surprising since her friends (all four of them) were out on dates or staying at home with their partners, so she was sure no one was thinking of her at the moment.

Noticing that it was already 8 in the evening and they were aimlessly walking down the street, Jules turned to Harry with a questioning gaze. “Where are we going?”

Leaning his head down to look at her (or perhaps to be closer, Jules wasn’t sure), he paused, seeming to think, before shrugging his shoulders. “Dunno if I’m quite honest.”

Jules found herself chuckling at him. How did her day end with her walking around with no purpose with a man she’d just met?

She looked at the sign closest to them before she turned to him and did something she rarely ever did. She found herself inviting him to her apartment because they were quite close.

A smirk found its way onto Harry’s lips and she started to regret her decision. “Already trying to get me into your bed, Juliet?”

She mentally cursed at the way her heart leaped upon hearing her name roll off his tongue. Almost no one called her Juliet anymore, except for her parents when they were being serious, but she found herself wanting to hear him say her name over and over again.

Shaking her head at the thought, Jules reached her arm out and lightly slapped his shoulder. “Oh come off it, you idiot. You can just go ahead and cry alone in your mansion if you want.”

Harry raised his hands in surrender and muttered an apology, although the smile lingered on his lips and Jules tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in her chest.

“Lead the way, then.”

“Make yourself at home, I’ll get us something to drink.”

The walk to her apartment was full of smiles and laughter. She’s come to the conclusion that Harry loves making people laugh, even if his jokes were actually awful, but she found it endearing; he was like a ray of sunshine bringing joy to those around him.

She was glad that she had cleaned up the place a couple of days ago, it would’ve been embarrassing to have someone over to see pyjamas and junk strewn over her furniture. Suffice to say, Jules was a bit of a mess around the house.

After hanging up her coat and Harry’s, she made her way into her kitchen and looked for the good wine she reserved for special occasions. She easily grabbed it, along with two glasses, but then Jules found herself lingering by the kitchen island.

It dawned on her that there was a man in her living room, and he wasn’t just anyone. This was Harry Styles, someone she’d long admired and holy shit was this really happening?

And as sad as it may sound, she’s never felt this connection with anyone before, never felt like the person before her got her and could keep up with her. Yet with Harry, it felt different, and that scared her because she’d only just met him a couple of hours ago.

And he was bound to forget all about her after tonight. He’s just looking for some company, and Jules didn’t think she was that special. Eventually, he’s going to leave. Just like everyone else.

Feeling like the black marble of the island was starting to swirl in her vision, Jules snapped out of her thoughts and sucked in a deep breath before moving back towards the living room.

Harry had his hands interlocked behind his back, perusing through her record collection and it made her inadvertently smile. She was proud of her vast collection of vinyl records, a good portion of them handed down to her by her father; they both had a deep appreciation for records that her mum often made fun of them for.

“Found anything you like?” He jolted at her voice, not having noticed her presence behind him, but then his shoulders immediately relaxed.

Turning towards her with a wide grin, Harry gestured to the shelf behind him. Jules liked the way he seemed to glow underneath the dim lights and she wished she could take a picture of this moment as a keepsake. “This is amazing, there are records here that I couldn’t even find.”

“You can thank my dad for that,” she told him, making herself comfortable on the couch but not breaking eye contact once, “he’s been collecting them for decades and I’m so glad he let me have some, like you should see his collection back home, it’s even more impressive.”

“Hope I’ll get to someday.”

His response caught her off-guard. Before Jules could react, Harry’s teasing voice carried through the room.

“You dabble, you said?” He smirked, turning the Fine Line record in hand to show her and also nodding to the space that held One Direction records. Jules groaned out loud and flopped against the back of the couch.

“A little yeah. Sue me.”

She blushed under his amused gaze, a little embarrassed that he’d found her collection of the band’s records and his own solo music.

“It’s okay,” he assured her, dimples adorning his cheeks, “think it’s cute that you’re a big fan.”

“Don’t know why that makes me cute but okay if you say so.” She mumbled under her breath, realising that he heard her when he chuckled.

“Mind if I put on something then?”

Jules shook her head, signalling for him to go ahead while she poured their drinks. Soon afterwards Stevie Nicks’ voice filled the silence and her lips tugged up at the choice.

The couch dipped beside her when Harry sat down, the scent of his cologne invading her senses. Jules doesn’t think anyone has ever smelled as good as him, but she chose to keep that thought to herself and instead handed him his drink.

A few moments of silence passed after he quietly thanked her, Stevie’s voice the only thing that can be heard.

“So,” he started, throwing an arm on the back of the couch, a shit-eating grin on his handsome face, “would I find any 1D posters if I went into your room?”

“Oh fuck you.” She threw one of the cushions at him, smiling at the way he threw his head back in laughter.

Jules did not mind his company at all.

“Hold on a minute,” Harry straightened up from his previously relaxed position on the couch, “you all work together and you see him and his new girlfriend every day?”

“Yup, you can imagine how fun that is.” She loved her job as an accountant, having always been fascinated with numbers, but she hated having to see him every day in the office across from hers.

It’s not like she hated him, they actually ended on good terms, all things considered. Leon wasn’t bad, he never cheated on her, but the feelings between them just died out, a flicker of something that dwindled into nothing. So, they were friendly with each other and that’s probably the reason why he brought her a box of chocolate and a rose.

But Juliet just didn’t like the daily reminder that she was in fact much lonelier than he was; it’s like rubbing salt in the wound.

“Shit, Jules, that must be hard,” he frowns, leaning forward to pat her hand, “I’m sorry you have to go through that.”

“It’s not that serious,” she mumbles, feeling heat rushing to her cheeks at the simple touch and she mentally cursed herself. She had sworn off men for the unforeseeable future. “I’m over him. You know, I actually think I was never really in love with him to begin with.”

“Why’d you think that?” He questions, his thumb still softly caressing her hand; Jules wasn’t sure if he was aware of that or was absentmindedly doing it. Either way, the touch warmed her.

“I think,” she started, setting her glass of wine on the coffee table so she could sink in further into the couch, the move unintentionally bringing her body closer to Harry’s. “I think I was just happy to have someone around, someone to spend time with. I’ve spent a lot of my life alone and I think I just clung onto him because he kept me company.”

A few beats of silence passed before she continued. “That makes me sound horrible, no, it’s not like I used him, I did enjoy his company and we had a lot of fun together, but I think I was just in love with the idea of him, not him.”

Harry nodded his head, leaning back and mirroring her position, “I understand. That’s how I felt in most of my relationships actually. I longed to have someone around so I wouldn’t be lonely, but I’ve learned over the years that having company doesn’t mean that you won’t feel lonely.”

“You sounded pretty heartbroken on your last record though.” If she wasn’t as inebriated as she was, Jules would have probably had some filter and wouldn’t have said that.

Luckily, Harry chuckled in response and relaxed further into the couch, retracting his hand from hers (she instantly missed the warmth), but he didn’t seem upset. “I was. I would say that I was actually falling in love with her, so I was a bit of a mess when she left me.”

His words made her frown. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t know how anyone could leave you.” She muttered under her breath, forgetting that she was usually louder than normal after she’s had a few drinks.

“Could say the same thing about you.”

With her cheeks flushed, Jules forced herself to look him in the eye again. “You don’t even know me.”

“But I’d like to get to know you.” He almost instantly shot back, resting his chin on his hand and his dimples made an appearance, “I think you’re very interesting.”

“Pfft, me? Interesting?” She laughed, waving him off with her hand. “I am anything but.”

“That’s not true!” Harry vehemently denied, sounding almost offended at the thought, which admittedly made Jules’ heart skip a beat. Just a little.

“I’ve spent a few hours with you now and I can already confidently say that you’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met,” his eyes shone bright as she stared into them and she could somehow tell he was being sincere, “and trust me, I’ve met a lot of people.”

Dramatically placing a hand over her heart, Jules flashed him her biggest smile. “Oh how special that makes me feel, I can just die happily now.”

Even though she was being melodramatic, his words did cause Jules’ heart to flutter. In the past, some people told her she was annoying, or brash, and some others would make her feel invisible and undeserving of attention.

Harry, though, was unlike anyone she had ever known. From the moment they met, Harry made her feel like the centre of his attention, never once ignored her or brushed her off, even when she was taking the piss; his emerald eyes were always set on her, giving her his undivided attention as he listened to every word that came out of her mouth.

Jules was definitely not used to that.

Harry threw his head back in laughter, a sound that Jules found to be a beautiful melody, and gazed at her with those bright eyes. “Oh you’re insufferable, I take it back.”

She gasped in feigned shock, crossing her arms with force. “No backsies.”

Another melodic laugh left Harry’s mouth and she couldn’t stop the smile forming on her lips; right then and there, Jules decided that his laugh was one of her favourite sounds.

“Backsies?” He echoed, his tone still laced with laughter, “what are you, five?”

“Shut your pretty mouth.”

“Oh so you think I have a pretty mouth?” His smirk caused his skin to flush and she cursed herself for saying those words. She really needed to think before she spoke, something her parents always reminded her of.

She recovered quickly, bringing her glass closer to her mouth. “I mean, it’s fine, your lips are a little on the thin side but-“

“Heyyy now,” he protested, pink lips forming a pout and Jules definitely thought about kissing them at that moment. “That’s not nice.”

“Never claimed I was nice now, did I?” Jules smirked, feeling a sudden surge of confidence as she took another sip from her drink.

Jules did not miss the way Harry’s eyes seemed to darken just a little, his jaw tensing as she continued to stare him down. Harry leaned forward, mouth opening to respond when suddenly a shrill tone burst their bubble.

Patting the couch cushions, Jules was trying her hardest to forget the look on Harry’s face as she searched for her phone. Stop it, Jules, he’s an international rockstar and he won’t even remember you after tonight.

She sighed in relief when her hand made contact with the device, but that quickly turned into a groan upon seeing who the caller was. Looking back at Harry, who was leaning against the armrest simply staring at her, she shot him an apologetic look before she answered the call.

“Hey, mama” she closed her eyes, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. Not that she was expecting anything to happen between her and Harry, but the mood was definitely ruined now.

“Hello, honey, how are you? Are you home yet?” Her mother’s calming voice sounded from the other side of the line, making her smile a bit despite the interruption. Ever since the breakup, her mom made sure to call her frequently to check up on her, even though Jules insisted that she didn’t have to.

“I am home, mom, yes,” she responded, shifting her gaze back to Harry who was now leaning his head against the back of the sofa with his eyes closed.

“Good, good. Just checking on you, cariña, how was your night then?”

“It was fine,” she paused for a second, not sure if she should mention meeting Harry now, but she decided it was best not to, “had a few drinks then went straight home. Think I’m gonna go to bed in a few actually.”

She could tell by the way Harry’s lips twitched that he was awake and listening.

“I won’t keep you up then,” some noise was in the background and she heard her mother whisper to someone, “okay, honey, good night! And your dad says good night too.”

“Good night, mama,” Jules smiled, finding herself suddenly missing her family that she hasn’t seen since the holiday season. “Tell dad I said good night too, and that he better spoil you today.”

Her mother’s laugh ringed loud on the other side, “We’re going to dinner tonight, cariña, and he even got me a large bouquet of my favourite roses! Joseph shh- Alright then, bye bye, sweets, love you!”

“Bye, mama, love you too.”

A few seconds passed after she ended the call before Harry spoke up, head tilted to the side. “That sounded sweet. Does she check up on you often?”

Jules hummed in response, resting her head sideways on the sofa so was mirroring his position. “Especially after the breakup. She just worries too much about me.”

“I don’t think she needs to,” he shot her a gentle smile, one that made her want to wrap her arms around him and bask in his warmth, “her daughter’s a very strong woman.”

Not finding any words to say in response, Jules continued tracing Harry’s features, lazily admiring the slope of his nose, the curve of his brows, the sharpness of his jawline; everything about the man before her was mesmerising.

Turning her gaze back to his eyes, Harry flashed her another smile before sitting up straight, the smile slowly dropping. “I should probably go now, it’s getting late.”

Jules immediately wanted to shout “no!” and ask him to stay, but the rational part of her mind told her that she shouldn’t, that she would only set herself up for heartbreak when he finally leaves her.

So the only thing she could say was a faint “Okay.”

As they stood up, it seemed like Harry was holding back from saying something, but she didn’t know if she was just reading too much into things. It was probably just her hazy mind (though she’d argue her head has never been clearer)

They silently made their way to her door, Jules feeling deflated at the prospect of his departure. Would they keep in touch? Would she just become a distant memory, a miserable woman he spent a lonely valentine’s day with?

“Can I-“ Harry abruptly stopped in his tracks, causing Jules to almost run into his back because she was trailing behind him. His demeanour was suddenly all shy when he turned to face her, cheeks flushed crimson.

Jules waited with bated breath and wide eyes for him to continue, heart beating loudly in her chest.

“Can I have your number?”

Relief washed over Jules and Harry visibly relaxed at the bashful smile on her lips. Jules didn’t know why he was so nervous, but the sight was so endearing to her.

She added her number after he handed her the device, secretly smiling at her contact name Juliet x. She already earned herself an x after her name after a few hours? Jules’ heart was beating so loudly she feared Harry would hear its calls for him.

Jules watched him put his shoes on, wishing the night wouldn’t end so soon and wondering if it would be too forward to ask him to stay longer.

Deep in her thoughts, Jules didn’t register that Harry was standing in front of her, bodies close enough that the scent of his cologne engulfed her senses once more.

“I should go now.” Harry whispered, leaning down and wrapping his arms around her and Jules had never felt so whole. She’s heard about Harry’s incredible hugs and now that she’s experiencing it, she never wanted to let go of his warmth.

Harry broke their embrace much too soon for her liking, but not before peppering a gentle kiss on the side of her head. “Good night, Juliet.”

Say something. Don’t let him leave. “Good night, H.”

And then he was gone and Jules was left on her own once more.

After staring longingly at the closed door, as if he would suddenly appear behind it, Jules sighed and made her way back to the living room, slumping against the couch cushions and wishing Harry’s arms were around her again.

Her phone dinged on the coffee table, signalling the arrival of a text. A simple “Hey. I really enjoyed tonight. H” was staring back at her.

Jules contemplated for a few seconds, heartbeats picking up their speed again, before she whispered “fuck it” and clicked on his number.

“Juliet?”

Deciding to go after what her heart wants for once, Jules didn’t hesitate to respond, “Do you want to-“

But an insistent knock interrupted her and Jules wanted to scream at the intrusion. Who on earth would be knocking at her door at this hour?

“Harry, hold on just-“

She takes frustrated strides to the door, ready to yell, but the sight behind it made her anger immediately evaporate.

“H-Harry? What are you doin-“

“What were you going to ask me?” He interrupted, sounding a little out of breath and she wondered if he ran all the way back to her apartment.

Feeling emboldened by his return, Jules took a few steps towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck, his hands immediately grabbing her face and pulling her closer, their lips joining together in a gentle yet eager kiss.

Jules felt her body melt in his hold. Their kiss only lasted for a few seconds before they pulled apart, still lingering so close that she could taste his wine-stained lips.

“Stay?” Jules asked, rubbing her nose against his, her heart thudding in her chest as she waited for his answer. Her words carried more weight than she had intended them to and she hoped they wouldn’t scare him off. But her worries vanished when she felt him smile widely against her lips.

“For as long as you’ll have me.”

Maybe valentine’s day isn’t so bad after all.

thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it and please come talk to me about Harry and Jules and tell me your thoughts!

#1dffvalentine #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles x ofc #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfic

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imaginesupply · 4 years ago

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Homecoming - Chapter One

Chapter Two can be found here

(Gif’s not my own.)

Summary: The day has arrived, Captain Syverson is going home. For good, this time. He is going home to a civilian life he can hardly remember and a wife he barely knows, with memories of the war still fresh on his mind. Love might not be able to heal everything on its own, but it’s a good start.

Genres: Romance, drama.

Story warnings: Smut (always fully consensual), mentions of PTSD and nightmares and mental health, angst, hurt and comfort, fluff, mentions of war (minor), mentions of cheating (minor), mentions of pregnancy (very minor), police appearance (very minor), violence (very minor).

Notes:

It’s my first time writing for one of Henry’s characters and I’m unsure I did Sy’s character any justice.

This is a Capt. Syverson x OFC (Ada) story, written in 3rd person POV but OFC’s physical description is very limited so it could also be read as Capt. Syverson x Reader, I think.

English is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes. Proofread, but not beta’ed. We die like men and all that.

Timeline is a little wacky: The movie takes place in 2003 and the U.S. forces were withdrawn from Iraq in 2011, but I never set a precise date because I don’t think it’s essential for this story. However, some elements might not be realistic because if we set this story in 2003: Phone cameras quality was not as good as it’s now, but for the purpose of the chapters, I will need you to imagine you could film great videos with your flip phone haha. Plus, it says Sy is coming back after being deployed for more than three years which makes no sense unless we set this in 2006 or later. I am asking you disregard any time inconsistencies 

Also: I am not American. I only lived in the US for six months and it was in the Midwest, not Texas so please bear with me if I write something stupid.

Finally: This is pretty much a Christmas fic and I intend to post the last chapter (there will be seven in total) on or before Christmas. However, religion is never mentioned in this story and the Christmas-sy elements of this story are limited to family gathering, gift giving and tree decorating.

Chapter One starts after the cut. Let me know if you wish to be tagged in the new chapters.

Chapter One

Chapter warnings: Badly written smut (consensual), marriage awkwardness, alcohol consumption. Maybe OOC Sy, I don’t know. We never saw him being casual.

Sy checked his phone again as he waited for his bag by the baggage carousel. The airport was even busier than usual, it was taking ages and he was impatient to get out of there... and maybe even never set foot in an airport again for the rest of his life.

He read her text again, short and sweet. He sometimes called her that, short and sweet, just to tease her. Ada was considerably shorter than him and full of sugar, when she wanted to be, that was.

'I'm waiting by the gate for you, with a warm cinnabon :) So excited to see you again <3.'

Just then a notification popped up from Harper. It was a photo of the soldier at the airport, finally reunited with his wife and his two rugrats. It made Sy all the more excited to see Ada again, and then as if on cue, his camo bag appeared in the carousel and he groaned with relief.

He stood restless amidst the line, it seemed people in front of him were dragging their feet, but when they noticed his green beret uniform, most parted and let him through. Sy tipped his head gratefully.

His wife was there, just outside the gate. Sy spotted her instantly in the crowd of people. She was wearing a red dress under her open coat and her hair looked fresh out of the hairdresser. He caught himself grinning at the sight of her. Then, once she spotted him making his way over to her, she started waving her hand excitedly as if there was any way his eyes hadn't already landed on her. He wished he still had his phone in hand to capture this moment for all of eternity, but his memory would have to do, he decided before casting his arms open for his wife. Fuck, did he love her!

°°°

Ada had been biting her nails nervously for the past two hours. She had arrived at the airport way too early. The parking fee would hurt but she couldn't find it in herself to care at this point.

Three weeks ago, she had received a call informing her that her husband and part of his unit had been ambushed. There had been an explosion in some building they were scouting only God knows where.

Only a full week after that did she receive a call from Sy himself. He was coming home. For good, this time. They were sending him home early, a full eight months earlier than what he had originally negotiated with his superiors. She hadn't been prepared for the news. She had spent the days following the call asking herself whether she had heard him right, making sure her mind wasn't playing tricks on her.

Now he was here, stopping right in front of her, his thick arms inviting her right in for a hug. Ada wouldn't have been able to resist the invitation even if she had wanted to. Within a second, she was enveloped in his embrace, her cheek pressed against his chest. She was overjoyed to feel his heartbeat again. Sy kisses the crown of her head before putting her down, his hands never leaving her lower back, his fingers big enough to reach the swell of her bum from there.

They pulled away a few inches to take each other in. His beard has grown a little long, but it was not enough to hide his apparent dimples as he smiled. He looked a little older too, she hadn't seen in seven months, except through a shitty quality facetime call once or twice. Her careful gaze spotted the new scar by his temple, it was the only visible physical evidence of the explosion he had been caught in. She dreaded what she might under his uniform.

Sy caught her eyes and she found herself blushing under his stare. It was always like that the first few hours when he was back, until she got used to his overwhelming presence again and to the fact that this handsome bear of a man was indeed her husband.

"You're looking good, darlin'," Sy grinned, making her spin for him. "I missed you."

Ada couldn’t resist his smile. "I missed you too, Sy." She confessed, handing him the still warm cinnamon roll in its paper bag.

He accepted the pastry with a smile and started eating it immediately but not before throwing his arm around her shoulders as they began making their way to the parking lot. Sy was eager to get her out of the crowd and have her just to him himself.

"So, what's the plan, darlin'?" Sy inquired with mischief to his voice, balling up the paper bag with his free hand and throwing it inside the trash can. "Did you book that hotel with the jacuzzi in the bedroom again?"

It had become a tradition of some sort between them. They would always spend his first night back at that hotel: they'd order some room service and eat in the jacuzzi. Though, usually, they would first end up on together on the bed.

Ada stopped suddenly in her tracks, making him still behind her. She smiled sheepishly. "Don't be mad," she started, his smile falling at once, "but your family is waiting for us in the parking lot. Your mom insisted that we celebrate your homecoming at the restaurant. Something about you missing Thanksgiving just by a couple days."

Sy groaned, thinking about the evening that now expected him. He'd been flying for God knows how many hours, all he wanted was a warm bath and Ada whichever way she'd let him have her, not a damn dinner party.

"I'm sorry, Sy."

He shook his head and leaned down to kiss her forehead again. "Don't worry, darlin'. I know it ain’t your fault."

As soon as they reached the open-air parking lot, Sy's nephew and niece start running up to him, having escaped their parents' grasp. His family was waiting for him with cheers and a 'welcome home, soldier' banner. Sy hated that kind of attention and she found it cringy as well, but she had been unable to stop his mother. Ada watched him hug the kids and lift them up into the air, making them laugh as she walked up to the machine to pay the fee.

Her hand trembled as she inserted the ticket into the slot, missing the opening a few times. She was happy - no, scratch that - she was ecstatic to have her husband back. It's just that, could you really say 'back' when there was never truly a 'before', a 'there'?

They had met when he was already deployed, but on a short leave back in Austin. They spent three weeks together, got married and he returned to Iraq. Since then, the longest stretch of time they had been together had been twenty days. Neither of them had ever gotten settled into married life and now he was 'back'. For good. Which was wonderful and foreign and overwhelming all at once.

Ada paid the fee and returned to join them, finding Sy hugging his mother. She smiled at the sight. She walked over to greet her sister-in-law and her husband, confirming that they'd meet up at the restaurant. With that, she went to the car, deciding to give Sy some more time with his family, and herself an occasion to take a few breaths and calm her buzzing heart.

"You didn't tell me my mom had gotten herself a boyfriend." Sy grumbled immediately as he sat down next to her in the car, putting on his seatbelt.

Ada turned on the engine and backed out of the spot. "I knew you wouldn't like it," she defended before casting a side glance at him. "Besides, I figured it wasn't my place to tell you."

Sy hummed noncommittally, removing his cap to rake his hand through his cropped hair.

"Though, as much as I don't exactly like your mother," Ada added quietly, "she's been on her own ever since your dad passed a couple years ago. With your father gone and you away, she must have felt lonely.”

°°°

Sy spent the rest of the drive mulling over her words in his head. The fuck was that supposed to mean? As soon as a woman feels lonely, she takes up a boyfriend?! Was Ada lonely too while he was away and… He wanted to ask if she was implying anything but then one look at her and he decided against it. Breathing out deeply, he forces himself to relax. He was just stressed out and on edge.

It was inevitable that things would have changed while he had been away. That was something he thought about frequently late at night when he got to be alone. Still, he hoped things hadn’t changed all too much. Ada still looked just as she had on their road trip to Vegas, focused on the road but leaning back on her seat, just one hand on the wheel with a grin on her lips. His wife loved driving.

"You got your nails done." Sy commented, already hoping the whole dinner thing would be over quickly so that he could go home with her.

Ada turned to him with a chuckle for a second, wriggling her graceful fingers and red painted nails, her wedding band reflecting the light. "I wanted to look pretty for you."

Sy huffed. "You always look pretty to me, Ada," he said and then watched her scoff.

"Or maybe, I just wanted to make sure I'd be able to scratch you up nicely," she wife winked.

Yeah, this dinner thing couldn't be over fast enough.

°°°

Ada saw him eat so much over dinner, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to be sick later. And, of course, the double serving of smoked ribs had to be accompanied with generous amounts of beer and whisky. She didn0t blame him, though. Out of curiosity, she once researched what they ate while on deployment and it looked anything but tasty. If she had been in his shoes, she'd have been eating her own weight in pizza and brownies right now.

It also didn’t help that his brother-in-law and his mom's new boyfriend, Phil from the hardware store, kept asking him about Baqubah and even touching on the subject of the explosion. It was obvious how uncomfortable the subject made him, his grip tightening around his knife and his jaw tensing up so tightly, she could imagine his teeth grinding.

So, Sy kept asking for refills, raising his glass, and giving them vague answers, but it seemed they didn't get the hint. At least, the subject changed when his sister interrupted the conversation to announce she was expecting again. A little girl.

Ada used the moments of cheer that followed to excuse herself from the table and go to the restroom. She was still somewhat nervous and her face was damp. She would have given anything for a glass of scotch at that moment but she was driving tonight.

Helen, Sy's mom appeared right behind her just as she was washing her hands. She hoped the woman would just disappear inside a stall but she wasn’t that lucky.

"Jack is back." Helen stated, arms crossed. A shiver ran through Ada's spine, damn she hated that woman. "For good."

Ada dried her hands with a paper towel, looking back at her mother-in-law through the mirror. "He is."

"Now's the time to prove yourself to this family and show us that Sy was right in marrying you.”

Before Ada could ask what the hell that was supposed to mean, Helen finally disappeared inside a stall. Rolling her eyes, Ada went to leave the restrooms when Helen decides to add some more venom. "Maybe a good start would be calling him by his first name, as a wife would."

°°°

"When do you start at Camp Mabry?" Ada asked, looking away from the steering wheel to glance at him for a second. Sy looked exhausted, not that she could she blame him after three different flights and a seemingly endless dinner. They had finally called it a night once the kids had started getting fussy.

"January 15th." He replied. "But they want me to stop by before then to have a look around the base and sign the contract."

"You're going to boss the hell out of the new recruits," Ada laughed, getting him to lighten up and even chuckle.

"You'd be surprised to know I'm actually a fair and considerate captain," Sy defended himself.

Next to him, Ada huffed as she tried stiffing the bubble of laughter, trying not miss the right exit off the main road.

"I just value discipline and compliance a lot," he added, his tone growing teasing.

This time, she was unable to stop her laugh. "Believe me, I know you do."

The drive was a short one to their house in the suburbs and she was soon parking her in their driveaway.

Ada fumbled with the key as she tried opening the front door, nervousness setting back in as she felt Sy standing behind her, holding his duffel bag. He followed in quickly after her, once she had finally managed to open the door.

"Welcome home, captain!" Ada cheered in her silliest tone as he discarded his bag on the floor.

Then, before she could even react, Sy was on her. His arms lifted her up, his body caging hers against the wall before capturing her lips in the most ferocious kiss she could imagine.

Out of instinct, her legs locked around his waist and her hands dug into his shoulders, unwilling to let go of him now that he was finally there. Sy grinned against her lips, amused by her fervour, not that he felt any different.

He broke off the kiss as he pulled them away from the wall, freeing a hand to shrug her coat off her shoulders. "You ain't gonna need that, darlin'," he promised, throwing the coat in the direction of the kitchen, not caring where it landed.

Then his mouth latched on to her throat, forcing a delicious moan out of his wife as he carefully manoeuvred them upstairs, still steady on his feet despite the alcohol. Sy was almost surprised when he pushed open the door to their bedroom with his foot and it didn't squeak, but that thought was fleeting as Ada started rolling her hips against his. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Not the war, not the explosion or his guilt, only the woman in his arms.

Unceremoniously, he let her fall on the bed, the urgency now flowing through his blood keeping him from doing things the gentleman way. Ada didn't mind, giggling as she unzipped her dress and slid the red thing over her head, along with her bra. Apparently, she had decided to forego panties. Sy stood there, almost mesmerised as he watched her, suddenly not certain if he dared tainting her with his touch but Ada quickly made that decision for him as she got up on her knees.

"A little less staring and a little more undressing, captain," she purred with a smirk, her fingers determined as they made quick work of the buttons on his shirt.

"That's it, darlin'. You're in for it now," Sy roared, pulling her in for another furious kiss before pushing her back against the mattress, making her land on her back as he got undressed in record time. Fuck, was he hard.

"Open up for your captain." Sy ordered and Ada complied instantly, her legs falling open for him as she peered up at him, holding herself up on her elbows and worrying her lower lip between her teeth. "That's a good girl," he praised.

Without losing another second, Sy settled in between her legs, wrapping his strong arms around her thighs and parting them to their limits. He wanted to worship her body the way she deserved, show her exactly just how appreciative he was of her, how much he craved her, but it had been months and Sy was a starving man who had just been presented with the perfect meal.

"Fuck Sy!" Ada screamed out, her back arching off the bed the instant he licked her just where she craved him most. He chuckled against her, marvelling at how wet she already was for him.

She tried closing her legs around his head, rejoicing at the feeling of his beard rubbing against her sensitive skin and never wanting him to leave again, but his arms were too strong for her clenching thighs. She was left defenceless against his assault, with no choice but to obscenely moan her pleasure and let herself cum against his tongue as his thumb expertly massaged her clit.

The coil inside her snapped and her body tensed up before letting go just as suddenly, her now damp back falling back on the mattress. "Fuck, Sy." Ada breathed out, her chest heaving as she tried to reopen her eyes only to find her husband playfully gazing up at her, smirking with her arousal glistening on his beard. The sight alone almost made her cum again. "I'll never let you leave again!"

He smiled in response, placing a kiss on her lower stomach before crawling up her body. "I've no intention to, baby," he promised.

Ada caught a glimpse of his hard, flushed erection as his body slid over hers, realizing in her post-orgasmic haze that she was in for an even bigger treat now. She could taste herself in his mouth as they kissed, his hand slithering behind her back to seize her shoulder and hold her closer. Teasingly, he started rolling his hips, his hard clock rubbing against her slick cunt, coating himself with arousal before finally, he found his way inside her, burying his head next to hers in the pillow.

Ada whimpered as he did so, her eyes tearing up as his clock slid inside her. She had evidently grown unaccustomed to his girth and length in his absence. Sy paused immediately, his muscles tense as he looked at her with concern. “You okay?” She nodded in silence, wanting him to start moving but Sy looked unconvinced, using all his strength to keep still despite his desire to fuck her right into the mattress. Without a warning, Ada tightly wrapped her legs around his hips, making him go deeper. Sy let out a reverberating groan. “God, darlin’. I missed you.”

He started thrusting into her with such vigour, such determination it felt as if he was trying to bury himself so deep inside her, no one would ever be able to pry him away from her again. It did hurt, her cervix was getting battered with each of his hard movements but she found herself enjoying the pain because it was him; it was Sy and he was right there with her, back in her arms, and she could feel his heart beat beneath her fingertips as her hand gripped at his chest.

"Fuck, I'm... I’m," Ada gasped incoherently, her nails now scratching the skin of his back. Sy was sure there would be marks there in the morning which made him enjoy the sensation even more.

"I got you," he rasped. If possible, he pulled her even tighter to him, his pubic bone now rubbing against hers in that delicious way only he was able to do. Her slick walls were now contracting around him, her second orgasm impending. "Fuck," he groaned, his breath coming out in a stutter. "Are you...Can I...?"

Sy didn't have to word it, she knew what he meant. "Cum in me, Sy. Please," she almost begged.

Her words did it. His hips stuttered as he pushed in deep just when his orgasm washed over him, exploding inside her. His face contorted with pleasure and that sight alone had her fast tracking her fall over the figurative edge. He had his face buried on the crook of her neck, muffling his groans and moans against her skin as the dam gave way within her.

°°°

Sy grunted against his pillow, slowly waking up the following morning. He was convinced he was just rousing after a very nice dream and he was ready to toss his alarm clock across the room, furious at the object for interrupting his dream, that for once, had been a good one. With a startle, Sy realized that no blasting alarm had woken him up but the sunlight on his face. Opening his eyes, he felt almost as if on foreign ground. He was home.

As quietly as he could manage, Sy turned around in bed, seeking his wife only to find her side empty. Just at that moment, he heard cursing coming up from the kitchen and scoffed. He’d bet his life Ada was cracking eggs, something she hated.

Feeling rested and in a much more relaxed mood than the previous day, Sy got out of bed and started searching for a pair of boxer briefs so he could go join her downstairs when he caught a sniff of himself. Fuck, did he stink. How Ada hadn’t thrown him out of bed, he didn’t know.

Out of habit, Sy hurried to the en-suite bathroom, wanting to shower as fast as possible before realizing that this time around, it was different. He wasn’t going back, he didn’t have to rush, their time together wasn’t counted. With that in mind, Sy forced himself to take his time, enjoying the act of brushing his teeth in a bathroom that smelled nice and showering with warm water. Ada had purchased his usual brands of shower gel and toothpaste, he noticed, even putting a red bow around his brand-new toothbrush by the sink. Even though he initially wanted to take his time to enjoy it, Sy still ended up rushing as he dried himself with a blue fluffy towel he didn’t recognize from his previous stay. He didn’t bother putting on anything more than his boxer briefs before heading downstairs. If he was lucky, he wouldn’t keep them on for long either.

Sy walked into one of the best sights he had even seen, when he entered the kitchen. Ada was standing in front of the stove, rhythmically tapping the black spatula against her naked thigh as she focused on the eggs and bacon she was preparing. The thin negligee - or whatever she called it, he always forgot - barely covered her ass and that outfit alone was one of the reasons he never minded that she always cracked up the heat so high, he felt like he was back under the hot desert sun.

Silent and stealthy like a predator despite his stature, Sy sneaked up on her from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist, feeling her startle before relaxing once she noticed it was him. She smelled heavenly, Sy thought, resting his chin on the top of her head. "Watcha got cooking, darlin'?"

"Obviously breakfast," she sassed, making him softly pinch her ass in response. Ada squealed and jumped up. "Good morning to you too, Sy," she said but not before slapping the handle of the spatula against his thigh. He decided to let it slide... for now.

"Morning darlin'," he answered, kissing the crown of her head before darting his fingers into the pan and picking up a piece of bacon. It was sizzling hot, but the taste was worth it. He had missed being home! Speaking of being home... "What do you say we take the food and coffee upstairs and have ourselves breakfast in bed?" His tone failed to hide his true intentions.

Ada scoffed, the back of her head rubbing on his hairy chest and she shook her head. "Nice try but I actually intend to feed you. Your mother will have my head if I let you go hungry."

It was Sy's turn to laugh, his hands now roaming her body as she leaned forward to turn off the stove, pressing her ass against his crotch and eliciting a husky groan from him. "I'm hungry enough to eat both breakfast and you, don't worry."

Ada turned around, a huge grin on her angelic face. "Alright, you win. What do you say, we have breakfast, we do the kinky and then go grocery shopping?"

Sy tried hiding his smile but it was a lost cause. He loved it when she talked like that. He loved her, point. "Yes, ma'am."

#henry cavill smut #syverson smut #henry cavill x ofc #syverson x ofc #henry cavill x reader #syverson x reader

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antiloreolympus · 4 years ago

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12 Anti LO Asks

1. STOP why are those two panels of her trying to not be a bringer of death literally two obviously different pink hues???? hello??? does this comic not have quality control??

2.Alrighty, read the recent chapter (not the fast pass but the one before) and I have questions

So like, All the side characters are back now I guess? (Also I totally forgot that Artemis went to visit Hermes - how many chapters ago was that even?)

Did... Thanatos and Daphne get together / move in together off screen?? Why is there random narration all of a sudden when LO has Never had it before? (At least that I can remember) - and who's narrating?? Why does one of the side characters need to die? Am I supposed to be invested after RS ignored them for like 20 chapters? (At least its a break from the super slow burn of HxP)

Is this going to effect the overarching plot at all? Do you think RS is gonna try and flip the myths again? (Eros + Psyche, Echo + Narcissus, Apollo + Daphne, etc. Thanatos?)

Also, yeah whats been going on with Hera since she had that Kronos premonition? Why does Daphne sound so happy / smug about Demeters probable heart attack when she eventually finds out about Persephone being in the underworld with Hades? (Whenever RS gets to that).

And what happened to Zeus being all pissy with Persephone and the Trial?

Why are there so many unconnected plot threads? I cant keep up with them all! (It also doesn't help that RS just expects readers to remember all this info after ignoring it - like Artemis going to visit Hermes).

3. If we're being completely blunt and honest here... There's no happy ending for LO. Even if RS ends it on LO Hades and Persephone being "happily" married, you can tell by his past actions that LO Hades will just keep "switching out" for "newer models", so to speak. He'll keep getting mistresses. He'll keep financially manipulating women until they get away from him (one way or another).

4. ok but as a character designer? red and pink are KNOWN CLASHERS. there's a reason ariel's marketing is all in a green/teal/purple gown now instead of the pink one she wears in the movie. pink + red, especially a very saturated, blue-undertoned pink like persephone is, are a HUGE ARTISTIC NO-NO. she needs to get a refund from whatever color theory teacher she had because they l i e d to her.

5. ok but. how cool would it have been if it was trans persephone, and kore was her stand-in (similar to a deadname, but not quite the same) until she decided on her official new name, persephone? if smythe wanted a name-change so bad she could have done so much cooler, better stuff. mtf persephone would make 'becoming a queen/princess' SO much more significant. girl you were already an heiress to begin with stfu.

6. i say this as a transgender man: sometimes smythe's art legit looks like rcdart's stuff. the weird racial features, the huge hips and tits, the dorito-men? she's cis rcdart.

7. when its the korean imported stuff the webtoons team has to market it themselves and do as best as they can, off the translations, but western made stuff like LO has the creators all input on the marketing (duh, they made the images and banners) so the "Hell" connection is very much Rachel's doing, which kinda implies she doesn't exactly know the Hades mythology or even seems to care if Hell seems more "spicy" and "sexy".

8. no more persephone x hades. if the antis hate us making OCs so much, someone should design cyane! you know. the nymph who literally died trying to protect her?

9. To that one anon - about Apollo needing to drive the sun chariot - Helios is still up there. He could perform the duty of leading the sun across the sky.

10. oh lo apollo is pretty clearly based off someone rachel knew and was harmed by IRL, which like if that's so then go to therapy? get help? dont take out your issues on a real god from a real place and pretend you're the second coming for homer for the bastardization of a real country's mythology and culture.

11. So you guys know that famous statue "the rape of Persephone"? I think RS took it a little too literally. While the title states 'rape' its more of an allusion to kidnapping than anything else.

Or perhaps it's titled like that to draw a comparison between the violation of Persephone's personhood, her identity and her lack of agency in the situation.

I mean, when people hear the name Persephone they tend to think of Hades wife and the story of how she was kidnapped against her will.

I think perhaps RS saw the statue and confused rape with kidnapping - or decided to conflate the two. She wanted persephone to be kidnapped And raped (for plot reasons), and thus, further stripped away Persephone's agency regarding the situation (because in some versions of the myth after Persephone is kidnapped she finds she is actually ok with the underworld so long as Hades treats her with respect - which he does).

But because RS wants Hades to be the MVP she decided (for some reason) the villify Apollo (who yes, Demeter mythologically does have beef with, but Not for that reason).

12. Alright hold on a moment - in some versions of the myth Persephone Did wander down to the underworld by herself (because, if I recall, she heard the sorrow filled voices of the dead and wanted to help them) - and in some versions of the myth Hades isnt even present - its just Persephone ruling the underworld by herself like the badass queen she is.

Also, yes - Demeter was a loving mother who grieved for her daughter and she had every right too - but I wouldn't say Persephones kidnapping was entirely Hades' fault (as the comic points out Zeus "gifted" Persephone to Hades *real Dad of the year there*).

Also also in some versions of the myth of the Kidnapping of Persephone - Hades is noted as a pretty mild mannered God - he is respectful of Persephone and seems to love her (and yes, depending on the myth Persephone either ate the pomegranate seeds on purpose or because Hades tricked her) - there are many different variations of the myth. There isnt really a "agreed upon narrative" by everyone - as far as I know.

I think most versions of the story state that neither Hades nor Demeter were pleased with Zeus decision to have Persephone stay 6 months with each of them, but because she ate the pomegranate seeds it was a kind of rule that she had to stay for each seed she ate, hence the 6 months.

If you guys want to get some more broad details of the myth I suggest OSP's "Hades and Persephone" video - which goes a bit more into the canon.

So overall I would say, yes Demeter was a loving mother who grieved her daughter (who was stolen - in most versions) AND Hades was comparatively a decent husband, despite his flaws. Both these statements can coexist - I promise.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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wiypt-writes · 4 years ago

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Riding On

Ch 9- A Labour of Love

Summary: Fliss and Frank receive some news from Boston and Bean’s due date, arrives…and passes, with no sign of him making his bid for freedom just yet. Fliss is frustrated and poor Frank doesn’t know what to do for the best.

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW, NO UNDER 18s!).

Pairing: Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: Bean is just not playing ball, is he? As always, I hope you enjoy and I love reading all your thoughts.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding On Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 8

Touch me, take me to that other place. Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case.

August 2019

The alarm had become a bit of a pointless feature in the Gallagher-Adler household, certainly over the last 2 weeks or so. As Fliss headed into the final throes of her pregnancy, her sleep patterns were all over the place. So it was no surprise to Frank that he felt her climbing out of bed at little past 5 am. Blinking sleepily he made a noise of protest because, after all, it was a Saturday, and she chuckled and leaned over to gently kiss his head.

“Stay here.” she instructed, “I’ll be fine.”

He wasn’t going to listen, he really wasn’t but his eyes dropped shut of their own accord. When they opened again it was almost 10 and he gave a start, because Fliss was due to leave in little over an hour. She was off for a Pre-Baby pamper session with Verity, Roberta and Sian, which included a manicure, pedicure, haircut, facial and fuck knows what else. To be honest, Frank had zoned out when she'd reeled off the list of treatments last night over dinner and just nodded in all the right places because he wasn't interested if all truth be told. As long as she enjoyed herself. With that in mind, he jumped up and after a quick shower he headed downstairs.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” he asked as he wandered into the back of the house. Fliss, who was stood by the bay window seat, her eyes roving over the garden, didn’t answer.

“Lissy?” He spoke again and she jumped slightly and turned to face him as he chuckled and crossed the room to give her a kiss. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Where’s Mary?”

“She went up to the stables for a lesson with Joanne before it gets too hot.” She replied, taking the peck he offered with a tight smile. Her voice was flat, emotionless and her entire demeanour unnerved him a little as he prided himself on normally being able to read her very well but at that moment he really couldn’t get a lock on her at all.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I had a message from Boston Police…about John.”

Frank made an angry noise in his throat “What about him?”

She looked at him and Frank felt his mind whirring about what there was left that the ass hole could possibly put her through. He was inside, for a long time and he wouldn’t be getting parole this time round either but when she answered, he hadn’t been expecting her to drop the news she did.

“He’s dead.” Fliss said flatly as she looked at Frank. His face contorted into a frown as he looked at her.

“Dead?”

She nodded “Apparently got in a fight with another prisoner and it got a bit nasty. He was stabbed and…” she swallowed “Bled out. Nothing they could do.” Frank watched her carefully as she was clearly pondering something. He wasn’t sure how she was going to be feeling here. She had been married to him after all but, well, Frank was struggling to feel anything other than a sickening sense of satisfaction. If anyone deserved to die it was that fucker.

“You ok?” he asked her as he stepped towards her and pulled her into a hug.

“Yeah. I feel nothing.” she said simply, pulling back to look at him. “Absolutely nothing. I’m not happy he’s dead but I don’t care he is, either, and I’m certainly not upset about it.” She paused, biting her lip “Does that make me a bad person?”

“Bad?” Frank spluttered “Fuck, no honey, of course not” She let out a sigh as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she snuggled her face into his chest. “If you think feeling nothing makes you bad then me feeling what I do means I’m going straight to hell.” Frank moved and tilted her face to look at him with his finger a thumb gently holding her chin “He was a nasty, vile bastard Lissy, and he put you through so much, not to mention nearly fucking killing you less than a year ago. If anything you have a right to be throwing a damned party now.”

“Not sure you’d find many places with Congratulations Your Piece Of Shit, Wife-Beating Ex-Husband Is Dead banners or balloons.” she quipped.

“The internet is dark and full of terrors.” Frank smiled back and Fliss snorted at the Game of Thrones reference “Never underestimate it.”

She stayed silent for a moment before she pulled back and looked up at him. “You know what else I will never underestimate?” she asked, and Frank was pleased to note that familiar shine had returned to her face and eyes and he arched an eyebrow. “The power of a back massage.”

Frank smiled “Good job you’re heading off for one then isn’t it.”

“Hmmmm…” she teased, her hands tracing his chest through his t-shirt. “Thing is, unlike your back rubs this one won’t have a happy ending.” “It better fucking not do.” He shot back and she grinned.

“I should go get ready.”

“Ok, you want any breakfast before you go?” he asked and she smiled

“We ate, but there’s some pancakes in the oven for you, you just need to warm them up.”

He smiled “You’re too good to me.” “I know” she shrugged, standing on her toes to give him a kiss. With a chuckle he watched her leave, Thor trotting behind her before he let out a deep breath.

“Does that make me bad?”

The fact that she was even asking that, after everything, was enough of an answer in itself. Bad? There was nothing further from the truth and he hated that she had even entertained the idea. But, as Frank realised when he poured himself a coffee, now the bastard was dead, there was nothing else he could do to her. That particular shadow was now well gone.

And Frank didn’t give a shit whether being happy or, dare he say it, amused at the fact the fucker had died in prison, made him a bad person or not.

*****

An hour later Fliss was collected by Bill, the poor bloke was on drop off and pick up duty and Frank didn’t envy him dealing with all 4 of women. Out of courtesy, Frank had offered to run one way but Bill had waved his offer off, pointing out that he had to collect his mother later that afternoon from the aiport.

He walked out to the car with them, taking a side glance at his girl who was dressed in a pale pink and blue maxi dress, which was quite low cut and made her pregnancy boobs look fucking amazing. He smiled as he opened the door for her, Fliss sinking into the front seat- being basically 40 weeks pregnant and ready to pop awarded her certain perks such as her mother surrendering her usual position in the passenger side.

“Have a nice time.” He said, leaning over to give her a peck.

“We will.” She smiled “I left Mary some Mac and Cheese for lunch, she was asking before so I pulled it out of the freezer.”

Frank smiled “I’ll fight her for it.” “No need.” She grinned “I got you some out too.” “You spoil me”

Smiling, she reached up and cupped his cheek before he straightened up and shut the door. Once he was sure it was closed he jerked his head to Bill who was bent giving Thor a pat and signalled for the man to walk with him a little, taking a few steps away.

“Everything ok?” Bill asked.

“Yeah, well, sort of. She’s probably gonna tell you herself but just in case she doesn’t, she had a call this morning. John’s dead.” Bill blinked, before he gave a snort “Good.” “Yeah, that was kind of my reaction too.” Frank scratched at his neck. “Fliss, however, well she says she didn’t feel anything. Not happy, not sad, just complete indifference. Which, to be fair, is probably a good thing for her. I’m just a little worried she’s numb because it hasn’t sunk in yet.” Bill nodded “If she doesn’t mention it herself on the way I’ll tell V on the quiet when we get there.” “Thanks.” Frank smiled as the two of them headed back to the car. Frank grinned at Bill, as he could hear the chatter from the 4 women even through the closed doors and windows of the car.

“Good luck!” he said, nodding towards the vehicle.

Bill snorted before he frowned a little “How come you haven’t gone with Steve and the boys up to the Water Sports centre?” “Mary didn’t want to.” Frank said “I think she’s still a little, self-conscious, I suppose is the term, around the twins but she’ll come round. You know what she’s like” “Well, when they move over in January she’ll have plenty of time to get to know them properly” Bill shrugged “Right, best get this rabble to the hotel. See you later son.” Frank smiled, nodding at him. As the Range Rover pulled off up the drive he tossed a hand at the tailgate before he looked down at Thor.

“Come on boy, let’s go find Mary.” It didn’t take them long to locate her. Having finished her lesson she’d been busy grooming Monty and then helping Joanne with a few chores, or bugging the shit out of her Frank suspected but Joanne was always so patient with her. The young woman was god-send, having really stepped up over the last 2 months especially. Frank knew why Fliss liked her so much.

He practically dragged Mary home, but it really was getting ridiculously warm and he wanted her to have a few hours inside to keep cool a little. In the end, as always, they haggled reaching a compromise that she could have a little while in the pool provided she sat in the shade quietly to eat lunch. As always he was roped into the pool with her, such a hard life he led, and after 30 minutes of teaching her how to dive they both climbed out and ate before changing and heading to the airport to collect Evelyn who was coming to stay for a while.

He greeted her with the usual nod and smile as Mary gave her a hug, before he took her bag from her and they headed back to his truck, Mary gibbering on about anything and everything, his mother listening and replying when needed. The last time Mary had seen Evelyn she had gone to Boston for the weekend the previous month, something that had set Frank on edge after the last time, but as Fliss had reasoned with him, he knew that he couldn’t allow that to stop him from letting her go. This meant that Evelyn hadn’t seen their house since they had moved in back in June. Mary showed her round, Frank following, and when they got to Bean’s room he saw her stop and look round, smiling softly.

“You’ve done a good job, Frank.” She turned to look at him and he smiled back.

“You sound surprised, mother.” “Not at all.” She shook her head. “I expected nothing less.” “Makes a change.” He couldn’t help the sarcastic shot back and she narrowed her eyes.

“Are we not passed the sniping yet?” she said, tiredly.

Frank held his hands up, “Sorry.” After she’d seen the attic and Mary’s room, they headed back downstairs, Frank showing Evelyn to the Guest Apartment over the Garage which he had put the finishing touches to the week before. Fliss had stocked the fridge fully for her, meaning she had everything she could need for snacks and drinks, and whatever else she needed for a comfortable stay. He left her to unpack, telling her to come over to the main house when she was done, which she did a little over an hour later.

Frank poured her a glass of white wine, and they headed outside, taking a seat at the table as Mary was in and out of the pool freely as the sun wasn’t quite as high as it had been given that it was half four in the afternoon. Evelyn took the opportunity to ask Frank if they were ready for Bean to arrive and he smiled, shrugging.

“As ready as we can be.” He said, “We’ve had all the hospital tours and found the place Fliss prefers so…” “Where have you chosen?” Evelyn asked.

“Bayfront in St Pete’s” Frank said, pulling out his phone “They have a suite called the Baby Place.”

He flicked through his phone’s internet browser to the bookmarked page and handed it to Evelyn who put on her glasses to scan the information.

"The separate family lounge offers some of the amenities of home, such as a game table, bla bla bla and room enough to host celebrations and enjoy time with loved ones." Evelyn read from the website. "It looks like a hotel not a hospital" she mused as she handed the phone back to Frank. "Well, that's kinda the idea mother." He said, tossing his phone onto the table. "It’s actually a state-approved level 3 Regional Perinatal Intensive Care Centre." Mary appeared at the side of them, picking up her towel. "The program is one of only 12 in the state of Florida" Evelyn looked at her, cooking her head to one side as Frank gave a chuckle. "There is that too." He said as Evelyn turned to him. Mary, wrapped herself in the towel and hopped up onto his knee. "We originally discussed a birthing centre with the midwife but Fliss was too worried about what could go wrong or if she decided half way through she wanted an epidural..." he rubbed at Mary’s shoulders slightly, drying her off with the towel. “So when the midwife suggested this it seemed like a perfect compromise. She gets a private recovery area and should make her feel more at ease. She doesn't have fond memories of hospitals." He shrugged "Who does?" Evelyn looked at him, taking a sip of her wine. "Well Fliss has some particularly bad ones what with her back injury and operation, not to mention all the times he put her in one." Frank said, pausing for a second. That reminded him.

“Hey Stack, can you go grab me a can of soda?”

“Only if I can have one.” She bargained.

“Fine, but grab the no sugar. You’re already hyper enough as it is.”

Mary jumped down and headed through the door into the kitchen. As soon as she was out of earshot Frank looked at his mother.

“John’s dead.” He said bluntly “Fliss had a call this morning. He was stabbed in prison.” Evelyn looked at him for a second, before she gave a snort “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.” She said sarcastically “How has Fliss taken it?”

“Well she wasn’t leaping for joy but she’s not upset, says she feels nothing.” He shrugged, looking up as Mary came back. She handed him a can as she hopped back on his knee and opened the other one herself.

Evelyn studied Frank for a second as if she was considering something before she smiled "I take it the fact she's due to drop tomorrow is the reason you're on soft drinks and not beer." Frank smiled "Just playing it safe. I mean so are you right? That's why you're here for the next 2 weeks." Evelyn shrugged "is it a problem?" "No." Frank shook his head before he grinned cheekily "Why do you think I finished the apartment above the Garage?" "Bill says in England they would call it a Granny Flat" Mary said as Frank gave a snort. Evelyn chuckled a little. "I’m aware of the terminology, thank you, on account of being from England myself." She looked at Mary "You know, people build them on their property when they want their elderly relatives to move in with them so they can look after them." she turned to Frank, smirking "So I'm honoured, Francis..." "I didn't build it just for you." He rolled his eyes "it was half done when we moved in so it made sense to finish it." He picked up his can "It’s a place for anyone to stay, although I'd be lying if I said you weren't at the forefront of my mind when we did it" Evelyn looked at him, shocked, "me?" "Yeah..." he shrugged, grinning "Fliss told me that I wasn't allowed to let you stay in a hotel or at Bill and V's now we have room so this was the best way of actually keeping you out of the house..." "Oh piss off!" Evelyn looked at him, slapping his arm as he laughed. She shook her head and before she could shoot a sarcastic response back, the sound of an engine coming up the drive hit Frank’s ears and a soft smile crept across his face. His girl was home. Thor gave a loud bark and stood up, running to the gate, Frank following him. He opened it, striding out onto the path through the lawn which led round the side of their house to the front. He smiled as Fliss pushed herself out of her dad's range rover and he instantly spotted that her hair was a lighter colour than it had been that morning and was flowing round her face and shoulders in perfectly styled waves. It was evident she had enjoyed herself, as she looked relaxed for the first time in weeks. "Well I would ask if you had a nice time." He smiled, dropping a kiss to her cheek "but I can tell from the way you're grinning that you did." "Oh it was amazing." She smiled as his hands fell to her hips. “Just what I needed. I feel relaxed and absolutely ready to push a baby out of my vagina.” Frank gave a loud laugh as he shook his head. “Well, your hair looks great." "Aww thanks Frank." Roberta slapped his shoulder as she walked past him into the yard. He rolled his eyes as Fliss laughed, tugging on Frank’s hand as she led him to the trunk of Bill's car. Bill was stood with it open as Verity and Sian were looking in each of the bags before Verity pointed at one and handed it to Fliss, Frank immediately taking it from her. He peered inside.

"Because you don't have enough toiletries" he deadpanned. Fliss shrugged. "The lavender stuff they said would help me sleep, which in case you haven't noticed I've been struggling to do over the last 2 weeks." "Hard not to notice when you wake me up at 3:30 am to tell me" "I did that once because I felt sick. And besides, you did this to me..." she pointed to her now really rather large bump "...you should also be feeling the consequences" Bill snorted as he shut the trunk of his car and looked at Frank as he glanced at the older man, almost pleading for help "Sorry lad." Bill chuckled "You got her pregnant and wanna marry her, she's your problem now." "She is here..." Fliss glared at her father. "Oh, trust me Titch, we are all well aware you are." "Rude" Fliss looked at her parents as they headed into the garden. "Steve and the boys will be here in about 5." Sian looked at Fliss having just got off the phone to him. "Said to tell you he is picking up some real meat on the way over...whatever that means Frank?" Frank laughed "he means fillet steak. I got Sirloin. A man's cut. He's being a pussy" Sian looked at Fliss who simply shook her head. "Meat is a big issue for Francis." She said sombrely, patting his chest.

“I just know what I like.” He shrugged. They made their way through to the back in time to see Verity giving Evelyn a warm hug in greeting. It made Fliss smile softly, noticing how different it all was to the stiff handshakes shared when they met for the first time little over a year ago.

Frank dropped a kiss to her cheek and headed inside to put her bag away before he came back down just as Steve and the boys turned up. Then the usual thing that happened at BBQs went ahead, the men crowding round the grill, the women bustling in and out of the kitchen setting out the sides and accompaniments, the 3 kids bombing in and out of the pool.

“You should have come with us today Mary.” Steve said to the girl as she sauntered past in her bathing suit. She paused to look at him.

“What did you do?”

“We did Kayaking, skiing, the boys went bodyboarding but I sat that one out.” Steve said.

“I didn’t know if I would like it.” She shrugged, dropping her eyes slightly. Frank watched carefully as Steve crouched down.

“Me neither, but you know what? It was fun, and the best thing is, if there’s something you don’t wanna do, you can sit it out and watch.” Frank could see from her face she was mulling this over. She looked at Steve “Are you going again Uncle Steeby?”

“Next Friday.” He nodded.

“Ok, I wanna go next time.” She announced. “Mind your manners.” Frank instructed, gently, pointing the tongues he was holding at her.

“Please.” She added. Charlie and Joel both erupted into noise, demanding that their father allow it and Steve gave a chuckle.

“You’re welcome any time Stack, as long as Frank and Fliss say its ok.” He said, standing up. “Fine by me. In fact you can keep her if you want.” Frank shrugged and Mary rolled her eyes.

“You always say stuff like that, pretend you don’t want me here but we all know the truth. You do, that’s why you’re adopting me.”

“Smart ass.” Frank narrowed his eyes at her as she stuck her tongue out and ran off. Bill and Steve chuckled as Frank shook his head, snorting.

“Thanks Steve.” He looked at the man who waved his thanks away.

“You know, she’s getting more like Fliss was every day.” Bill said “you want to watch that, Frank. She was a sassy little swine as a kid.” “Mary was already a sass bag before she met Fliss.” Frank shrugged, turning over the steaks on the grill. “Lissy just encourages it.” “Have you had any luck with her biological father?” Steve asked and Frank shook his head.

“We’re not expecting to yet. We’ve only given him notification of our intent. I suspect when Greg actually starts the process officially we’ll hear something.”

“But you don’t expect him to object?”

Frank hesitated before he shrugged “I can’t see why he would. He’s never been interested in her, at all. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a slight worry but like Fliss keeps telling me, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” “No point worrying about something you can’t control.” Bill said wisely, before he drained his beer “Right, I need another drink. Anyone else want one?”

“Yeah, I’ll come with you” Steve said “Frank?”

“I’m good, thanks.” “You can have one or two, surely?” Steve looked at him.

“Leave him alone.” Bill said, shoving his son on the shoulder, “That’s your sister and my little girl he’s looking out for…” “Fuckin’ pussy…” Steve snorted playfully and Frank threw the burger flipper at him.

Bill and Steve walked away, playfully squabbling and a few seconds later Frank felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around him from behind, Fliss pressing her lips to the space between his shoulder blades.

“Hey gorgeous.” He said, moving so she could slide under his arm. He pressed a kiss to her head “You ok?”

“Yeah, fine.” She smiled, looking up at him. “You know I really do I love your hair." He said, taking in the lighter colour even more in the now closing light of day. Over the past two years, her vivid auburn had gradually tone down and was now a light brown, laced with copper and blonde.

“Thanks.” She said, a little shyly and Frank frowned.

“Don’t you like it?”

“No, I love it…it’s just, well, actually it doesn’t matter.” “Lissy.” He looked at her sternly, and she sighed, her hands worrying one another so Frank put the cooking utensils down and took them in his. “Tell me what’s going on.” “John hated me changing it.” She shrugged “Which is why I went so bright red in the first place. Once I left him I just fancied doing something wild. I’ve always liked it a bit lighter. He insisted I kept it dark…”

“Well you can do what the fuck you want with it.” He assured her, “Unless you want to shave it all off. Then I might raise some objections.” “Sorry. She said gently and he frowned.

“What for?” “Raising him again” she shrugged “We’ve been together almost 2 years now and…” “Hey.” He said, “Don’t ever apologise. I’d rather you tell me when you’re feeling like this. You know that.”

“Of course I do, I just wonder sometimes if it’s ever gonna stop.”

“So what if it doesn’t?” Frank looked at her. She blinked and he shrugged “I’ve told you, you can always talk to me. Nothing you say is gonna make me mad.”

She smiled at him as he dropped his head, gently giving her a peck. “I know, I just get fed up sometimes. Stupid little memories and flashbacks.” “I know.” He smiled at her, kissing her head softly “But they don’t rule your life anymore, not like they used to. They’re just…”he hesitated “A minor annoyance, a bit like him really, insignificant.”

“He’s even more insignificant now.” She grinned “He’s fucking dead.”

At that Frank let out a snort “I take it you’re not longer feeling numb then.”

She shrugged “Mum said exactly the same as you before, that we should be throwing a party so…”

Frank chuckled again, pulling her into him even further as he turned back to the grill.

******

Despite it being her due date the following day there was no sign of Bean. And he didn’t make an appearance on the Monday either. On Tuesday they headed in for an assessment at the hospital, and after an examination the Midwife smiled at Fliss as she lay on the bed.

"Well, Miss Gallagher... he is in the right position." The midwife smiled. “Dropped and ready.” "He needs to hurry up." Fliss grumbled "He was due two days ago.” "Your due date is never exact. I wouldn't worry. His heartbeat is strong, he'll arrive when he is ready." "Already taking after his father." Fliss shot a side glance at Frank who raised an eyebrow. "Ok so if there's no sign of him by the morning of the 28th then just call" the woman said and Frank bit back a smirk at the look of utter disgust on Fliss' face "We'll check everything and do a sweep to get things moving." "Is there anything we can do?" Fliss practically whined "Spicy food? Pineapple? Speed bumps?" The Midwife laughed "I'm afraid they're only old wives tales. The only one with a shred of credibility is sex." Frank grinned and Fliss shot him a glare. "Semen contains prostaglandins" the midwife shot Fliss a wink "It can trigger the release of oxytocin which is a hormone that can help contractions." At that it was Fliss' turn to grin. "So all I need is your sperm and a turkey baster Sailor. Unlucky." Frank rolled his eyes and mentally cursed the midwife for her damned scientific explanation. "But in essence if your body isn’t ready to labour, nothing you do will necessarily get you going." She smiled "Sorry, you're just gonna have to ride it out." Despite the joking there was no activity in the bedroom that night other than a lot of tossing and turning as Fliss was really struggling to get comfortable enough to sleep. Frank hated seeing her so tired and fed up but when at 3:30 am he sleepily asked her if she needed anything she simply asked for a cuddle which he was more than happy to provide.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled.

“What for?”

“I know I've been a pain these last 2 weeks.”

“You’re heavily pregnant and fed up.” He said, kissing her head

“I wouldn't be able to do this alone. I don't know how my mum did.” She said softly. Frank sighed and pulled her closer, remembering how upset she had been a week or so back when their conversation one evening with Mary had turned to Frank telling her how he had been with Diane when she was born. Hormones be damned, it had set Fliss off about how nice it was that Frank had been there and stood by Diane and how she wished her own mom had that, but instead Verity’s parents had kicked her out and left her alone and pregnant at the age of 19.

Frank knew Verity had been young when she had Fliss, although he had never expressly asked he had worked it out from the fact she was 9 years Bill's junior. He also knew there was a lot of bad blood on that side of the family and that Fliss had never met her maternal grandparents, even when they reached out to her later down the line. She had rather impolitely told them to fuck off, Verity doing the same. When asked by Mary why she hadn’t forgiven them as they were family, Fliss had shrugged and simply replied that family isn't and never would be about blood, but instead it was about those people who saw you at your absolute worst and wanted you just the same. "You've nothing to be sorry for.” Frank gently soothed her, “And you're not on your own. You never will be." "I know." She looked up at him, smiling as he gave her a soft kiss.

Things continued much the same for the rest of the week. Every so often Fliss would get a twinge, and the pair of them would get excited, thinking this was it, only for nothing to happen. On the Friday, almost a week post her due date, Frank called the midwife who arranged for them to come in the next morning. Evelyn, who was being particularly helpful, even if Frank was loath to admit it cooked for them all that night, but Fliss had struggled to eat her meal, declaring she felt a bit sick. After a profound apology to Evelyn she announced she was heading for a bath and then going to bed.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Frank asked and Fliss shook her head.

“It’s not even 7. I might be back down in an hour or so if I feel better.” “Ok, can you manage-“

“Frank!” she said, exasperatedly. “I’m fine.” “Well, you’re-“ he began and Evelyn laid her hand on his arm and shook her head gently. For the first time in, well, as long as he could remember, he obeyed an order from his mother and stopped. “Alright. Just shout me then if you need anything.”

She gave him a kiss on his cheek, her way of apology for snapping and headed off.

“You won’t need that appointment tomorrow.” Evelyn said after a pause and Frank turned to her.

“What makes you say that?” “Because I felt the same the day before I went into labour with you.” Evelyn said “Queasy, tired, just generally off.” “Well, I hope you’re right because she’s fed up.” Frank sighed “He’s fully cooked now, just being a stubborn little bastard.”

“What was it you once said to me about an apple and a tree analogy?” she looked at him, arching an eyebrow and Frank snorted.

“Yeah ok, you got me there” he conceded.

Fliss didn’t come back down after her bath. Frank popped in on her a few times and she was simply led in bed, trying to get comfortable, tearfully complaining that her back ache was particularly bad. Frank led besides her for half an hour or so, gently working at the lower part of her spine that was giving her the trouble before he realised she’d fallen asleep. He left her to it, heading back down to his mother and Mary, before a few hours later, just before 10, they all decided to go to bed as it had been a long day. Fliss didn’t wake up when he slid in besides her, nor when he dropped a kiss to her cheek. He watched her for a moment as she lay, facing him, before he too closed his eyes.

***** His baby was sat on his knee, grinning up at him. He smiled down at the boy, whose hands were wrapped tight around his index fingers. He glanced up, looking around for Fliss but there was no sign of her. Nor Mary for that matter. Hoisting Alex up onto his hip he headed out to the garden and gave a start as he saw both Fliss and Mary floating face down in the pool.

“No, no…” he began to mutter, before his muttering became frantic yells “No, this…not my girls…not…”

With a start, Frank sat bold upright in bed, breathing deeply. He glanced at the clock on the side which read 23:30, damned he hadn’t even been asleep an hour! What the fuck…

He wiped his clammy brow and lay back, feeling Fliss stir besides him.

“Frank?” she asked softly, “Are you ok?” “Bad dream.” He mumbled, turning onto his side and sliding his arm under her neck, pulling her back into his chest.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked.

He shook his head with the air of a small child, pressing his nose into her neck, breathing in her smell and comfort. As he nuzzled at her, he felt her sigh a little and push back further into him.

“Stop it.” She muttered.

“Stop what?” he asked.

“That, on my neck…”

“Why?” He teased, his nose being replaced by his lips as he gently trailed open mouthed kisses up to her ear.

“You know why…”

“You ready to try what the midwife suggested?” he grinned, his mouth nipping at her ear and she gave a laugh.

“I'm willing to try anything. Just make it quick, I’m not bothered about coming. I only need your sperm.” “Charming…” he snorted as she gave a soft chuckle. His hand that had been resting on her bump softly moved down a little as he shifted, snaking his leg in between hers, opening her up slightly. He hooked her leg up over his hip, his fingers softly trailing up her bare thigh, shifting her sleep shorts to one side as he slipped his hand gently into her folds. She bucked harshly.

“Easy baby.” he muttered.

“Can’t help it.” she let out a soft sigh “Sensitive…” With a smile, he used his other hand to tip her head round so he could catch her mouth with his own, kissing her gently, his tongue softly sliding against hers, swallowing the moans and groans she was eliciting as he worked her with his hand. Had she been a little more with it, she might have been slightly embarrassed at how pathetically short a period of time it was before he had her clamping down around his fingers, shuddering as her release washed over her, but she was too gone to care. She’d hardly even come down from her orgasm when Frank eased her shorts down, then his boxers and with a gently push forward slid into her, the pair of them letting out hushed sighs as he began to slowly slide in and out of her. There was no haste to his movements, no rush, nothing, it was gentle, sweet, loving as he kept her held close to him, his lips lavishing affection on her shoulders and neck. Before long he heard and felt he breathing falling into that tell-tale staccato panting and she let out a low, quiet but downright filthy noise from her throat and Frank’s lips curved into a grin against her neck.

“Come on beautiful…” he mumbled, the heat in his own belly was sending spikes of fire up and down his body as he fought to keep control for a little longer “Come on.” And she did, her head tipped back and with a stuttering whisper of his name he felt her tighten around him, her legs quivering as he himself came, his hips slowing to a stop as he gently bit down on her shoulder. The pair of them lay still for a while, his hand softly curving up and around her bump, over her hip, down her thigh and back again, gently repeating the motion.

“You ok?” he asked and she nodded, humming in contentment. He pulled out of her, righted their items of clothing as Fliss hardly moved. He kept her pressed close to him as he closed his eyes, drifting off again.

He was woken 3 hours later, just before 4 am by Fliss shaking his arm.

“Frank…”

He groaned but didn’t open his eyes.

“Frank…Bean…I think he’s on his way…”

He let out a grin and turned over “My sperms worked then…” he mumbled into the pillow.

Fliss looked at him, waiting for the moment her words registered in his sleep-addled brain, which happened roughly 10 or so seconds later when he suddenly sat straight up, turning to face her.

“Penny dropped?” she asked arching an eyebrow.

He blinked “He’s…” She nodded, “Yeah…” He blinked again before he swallowed, and with a grin stuttered out a single word.

“Shit!”

**** Chapter 10

#riding on #frank adler #frank adler x ofc #frank adler x original female character #gifted #gifted fan fic #chris evans #chris evans characters

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years ago

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sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her “washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #tumblr is legit my fucking life now #motivate me to deactivate this blog to leave the hellsite forever 2021 #trigger warning: suicide mention #tw: suicide mention

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optimistic-dinosaur-nacho · 4 years ago

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The Door

Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Sleep Paralysis, Dark, non-consent touch, Somnophilia (Non-Smut you’ll know why) Summary: As an apprentice scientist at the Avengers Tower, you’ve became friends with one of the Avengers who knows you more than you know yourself. With a sleeping condition, you were too tired to close your door. And left it opened for an unwanted guest.

A/N: Okay, for those who may be freaking out, I’m not doing 18+. This is completely clean but it is dark. I suggest you don’t do this or not read if this triggers you.

Being up this early in a big city, it wasn’t your favorite thing in the world for you. Having a well-paid job, it was such a huge dedication to you. After years of engineering and building technology, you wanted to be like your boss. Him and his team always walked around the building most of the time. A couple months, you don’t see them a lot. This was technically their home. Their rooms were built in here while you rent at an apartment in downtown Brooklyn.

It was small and the landlord never bothered you a lot unless you ran into him in the halls.

You met a couple of the team in the building. Dr. Banner, you met him everyday, he was your assistance to becoming less of an apprentice. He always thought you were smart with your work. Every idea came from you and Banner liked when you came up with new tech.

Tony was your boss but for someone like him, you meet him once a month. You thought today you were more tired than before. It reminded you that it was getting worse.

“Morning, Miss L/N,” You hear a friend call to you.

Other than being around Banner, the first avenger was the one to walk up to you at a party that Tony arranged for his co-workers. His gentle smile and blue crystal eyes looking at you.

It was like looking at your school crush years ago.

“Captain,” You respond, holding your clipboard closer to your chest and adjusted your white coat. He pulls the corner of his lips into a grin, “I see you’re early up.” You followed his gaze to see the clock that was 6 in the morning. You nod, “Yeah. I just realized I had unfinished business.”

Steve’s brows twitched into concern. The concern that made you realize you might’ve said too much of yourself to him. During that party, you might’ve too a couple drinks and your mind just makes you admit a lot of things no one knows about you.

You knew what you said to him. You were lucky to have him not bother you too much, he never pushed things too far with you. He always kept his distance. You sighed, “I guess I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” You let out a laugh. Steve looks up and down at you. Out of concern he did.

“Have you spoken to your docto-”

You cut him off before he could finish, “Captain, I’m okay, really.” Steve’s lips close firmly and he breathes out through his nose. His fingers curling slightly to reach for your hair, skin. Some sign of reassurance. “Is there anything I could do?” He asked, you shook your head and turned away from him.

“I should go. It was really nice to see you, Captain. Say hi to the others for me?” You say, Steve couldn’t help but nod and grin softly.

After that you made your way to the lab. Bruce made you do some research, test some things over the monitors and checked in with Tony on the comm. Friday gave out the results every once in a while. You made some successful projects, some may have blown in your face a couple times but it was all good.

You hadn’t seen Steve since that morning, you went to the large room with the couches and kitchen, making yourself some coffee since you never gotten one on your way over.

Steve knew a lot about you since that party, well, after that party, you two just started to talk more. It was usually when you meet in the hall or in the morning like you did this morning. He knew about your conditions at home. The insomnia was a problem because you had sleep paralysis since you were a kid. It gotten worse over the time. It usually could last for several minutes that felt like an hour.

You start to panic. Words couldn’t come out like someone had ripped your tongue out. As a kid, you couldn’t see anything. Your eyes felt like they were taped shut, but you could feel something around you. You could move your head, toes, fingers, but you couldn’t move your body off the bed. No twists or turns, no jerks or anything. You’re frozen on the spot like rocks holding you down, thinking you’re going to eventually suffocate in your mattress.

You hear Bruce come in with his board and his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

“Okay, we have a change of plans,” He says.

You turn to him and furrowed your brows. He peers up at you, “You mind if I keep you another 5 hours? You’ll be home by nine.” You were tired enough already. Especially drinking coffee that had way too many shots. But you were in it for more money. This is why you loved your job but hated to get home late.

“Yeah, sure.”

Banner nods, “I’ll give you another 10 minutes. Meet me down at the lab.” With a nod, Banner heads back to the elevator as you enjoyed your cup of coffee. Feeling a bit worried, you took another cup of coffee to-go. You met up with Banner once again and you both went back to work. Doing the same things since you got there, you burned your finger, but you managed to bandage it up.

Bruce eventually led you off and you were off at 10.

Jesus Christ. It felt like you hadn’t slept in a week, your eyes are burning, urging to blind your vision of driving. Luckily your home wasn’t far from the Tower and you parked your car, jumping out tiredly as you made your way to the door and up the stairs. The elevators in the building were broken due to one of the fire breakouts in one of the rooms. They shut them down and suggested to rebuild them again.

You weakly reached in for your key and unlocked your apartment. Greeted by your welcome home scent of candles. Dropping your keys on the table along with your bag and coat. You stolen a small snack from the fridge and ate that toward your room.

Kicking your shoes off, you tossed your clothes off. Your window facing out toward the city, your faint light of your lamp lit only half of your room as you undressed and threw on a shirt and plopped onto your bed. You reached for the switch of your lamp and looked over to see your bedroom door open.

Your eyes and legs began to disagree with you so you turned off your lamp and laid down on your bed.

And just like that, you went out.

His hands gently slid the window up, opening it wide enough for his broad shoulders to squeeze in through your apartment room. His heavy footing hit the wooden floor. In uniform, he wanted to be stealth as possible. His thoughts wandered farther than he could’ve questioned himself.

He watched you from afar. Seeing you limp into your bedroom like a zombie. Your back turned toward the window, he could imagine every curve. His eyes gotten dark the second he saw your room lights on. Your kitchen light was on, your music that was a classic jazz, gently played on the speaker.

With a gentle touch, he turns off the speaker and hears what might’ve been the shuffle from your bedroom.

He froze on the spot, thinking the fastest and quiet way to dart for the window but he never heard footsteps. Instead he heard what sounded like faint whimpering. The sound of struggles, he then realized you were awake.

You were woken up from a bad dream. Once you did, your eyes went heavy and your brain began to function the surroundings. The car sounds and sirens filling your ears, you could hear your air condition whir in the other room. You were awake, but you were stuck.

Your sleep paralysis had begun.

Your finger tips barely moved, your eyes frantically looking around even though you saw darkness. You whimpered and moved your toes. Then you froze. You stopped moving your fingers and eyes. Knowing where your door was, you could sense someone staring. You breathed out slowly.

“I know you can sense me.”

You stopped breathing to the sound of a deep voice. Your fingers began to twitch more to wake your body up and run from whoever was there. You hear their footsteps come towards you.

You couldn’t scream, all what came out was groans and whimpers. The intruder shushes you, his hand touches your arm and you shook. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to see you. So... vulnerable.”

You felt their fingers drag against your arm like some animal they were petting. “You don’t know who I am, do you?” He asked, you shook your head and whimpered. Not answering to his question, you were begging to have him leave. You then felt a heat against your ear, “Take a wild guess, sweetheart.” The familiar words of sweetheart falling from his lips, you realized who called you that during the whole party at the tower.

Steve.

You only turned your head and whimpered. You needed to move your body. Steve grins, darkly, “I know your paralysis could last for several minutes. Even if you woke up now, you’d be scared to even get away from me.” You could sense that his face was closer to yours. His fingers dragging over your stomach, almost riding up the shirt.

You then felt his fingers touch your cheek. “You’re so beautiful...” You turned your face away from his hand and whined. You felt tears that you didn’t know you were making, they slid down your cheeks. “So soft...” His hand drags down your thighs and stops at your knees.

You began to start moving your feet. Your head shook and you let out a whine. You feel the hands pull away and you kept moving your fingertips. Your eyes finally opened and you jumped up from your bed with a huge gasp. You choked out strangle sobs and saw that no one was in your room. Steve was no longer there or someone.

Your brain only made up the things in your sleep paralysis, but it felt too real. That night you tried to sleep on your side instead on your back. Keeping your lamp on, you figured to call in sick for tomorrow.

You then made sure...

You closed the door that night.

Official Taglist:

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#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers x you #dark!steve rogers x y/n #Dark!Steve Rogers #close your doors #optimistic-dinosaur-nacho #opti-dino-nacho #opti-dino-nacho drabbles #captain america x reader

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aliendes · 4 years ago

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Natural Borns - Chapter Five

Banner made by @thebannershop

Series info/genre: Angst, fluff, future smut - NSFW due to darker themes

Pairings: ot7 x fem reader (eventual)

Warnings: mentions of sex in exchange for favors but it doesn’t actually happen, mentions of suicide, anxiety, and depression. Mentions of alcohol, tobacco, and drug use. Mentions of prescription drugs and medical stuff like blood. Insinuations of poly relationships, if this make you uncomfortable, this will be a reoccurring theme for the rest of the series. The boys love each other, that’s the point of this story. Mentions of skipping meals? If that’s a warning. Warnings will be different for each chapter from here on out.

Description: In the year 2613, over half of the world’s population are what scientists consider ‘designer babies’. YN is a small town girl who is a true natural born, someone born naturally without he help of a lab or gene splicing. Her DNA is greatly sought after, but what is she willing to do to protect it?

Word count: 4.2k ~

A/N: I’m really excited for this chapter! This is Yoongi’s backstory! Yay!! There is also some juicy info in this chapter that will be explored in the next one. Also, you guys voted for smut with romantic relationships, so please note that for the rest of the series, there will be smut, poly relationships, etc. If this makes you uncomfortable, I totally understand. If you want to be added/removed from the taglist please send me an ask! Enjoy!!

xx Des

Updated: 8/15/2020

As the day went on, and the sun started to set beyond the hills, your mind was plagued with the thoughts that this was all a horrible, horrible idea.

After you stormed out of the warehouse, the remaining four men in Yoongi’s room continued to argue about whether or not it would be a good idea to let you help with their plan. Seokjin and Jungkook were firmly against it. They felt enchanted by your personality and something about you was captivating to them. Hoseok and Yoongi were both incredibly unsure of your place in this family, not yet trusting of you. Yoongi obviously felt an attraction to you, but he wasn’t entirely sure it was anything beyond physical at this point. Though, he knew if he let it, it would fester into something much, much stronger. Whenever you were present he could feel himself start to slip. The cold exterior he always made a show of keeping up, crumbling to ash in his hands. He can’t deny the way his heart clenched in his chest when you ran out of the room. He wanted to run after you, tell you that he wouldn’t make you do anything you weren’t comfortable with. But he held himself back. He’s had plenty of practice holding himself back and not allowing his emotions to crack his icy walls.

Namjoon was Yoongi’s first friend in the facility. They were both ‘bought’ from their mothers when they were teenagers, and since they were similar in age, they roomed together at Big Hit. Namjoon had already been at the lab for a few months before Yoongi showed up, disheveled and scared. Unlike Namjoon, Yoongi had a very hard time coping with the fact that he now had to live in a cramped room with another boy, be poked and prodded and experimented on.

Namjoon had lived a pretty sheltered life, and didn’t have too many friends growing up. Yoongi was the complete opposite. He was seen as the ‘bad boy’ in his high school, always getting the girls because of his unusual good looks, smoking cigarettes behind the school, and causing trouble in his classes. He liked to think he had a lot of friends, but most of them were deadbeats who only hung around him because he stole cigarettes and alcohol from his mom’s boyfriends. Regardless, he enjoyed being out of the house and living his life the way he wanted to. When he was brought to Big Hit, all of that changed. His freedoms were stripped from him, even basic human needs were stripped from him. They would often go days without eating, only being given water, told that they had to ‘fast’ in order for certain experiments to work, or for certain blood work to be done. All of the torture they endured was ‘in the name of science’. Or so they were told.

Yoongi went through the stages of grief pretty quickly in the lab. When he first arrived, he was extremely upset, in denial that any of that was actually happening to him. He would tell Namjoon that his mom would come get him any minute now, and all of this would be some horrible joke she played on him to get him back on the straight and narrow, get him to stop skipping school and drinking. After a few days went by, he realized she wasn’t coming, and anger quickly took over him. Yoongi attempted to break down the door in his and Namjoon’s tiny room, to no avail. Eventually the guards sedated him and Namjoon had to look after him for two days while he sweated out the medication, shaking and dehydrated from lack of fluids. After that happened, he started to bargain with the guards or the doctors that would come take him into exam rooms, telling them he would do anything for them to release him, even resorting to offering favors in exchange for freedom. He never followed through with any of his offers, but he would later hate himself for stooping that low.

After a few weeks of this, Yoongi eventually developed severe depression, even being put on suicide watch at one point. After spending so much time together in their tiny dorm, Namjoon started to really care for the older boy and was extremely distraught over his behavior. He would tell Yoongi that everything would be ok, and one day they would get out of there. Some nights it got so bad Namjoon would slip into Yoongi’s bed and hold him close while he sobbed or when he woke up from nightmares.

Yoongi would sleep away days at a time, not eating or drinking water. Namjoon would have to force water down his throat when he was getting delirious and having horrible migraines that prevented him from moving around too much. Namjoon would lay with him while he shook from dehydration mixed with the meds they gave him. Yoongi lost his will to live, lost his will to do anything but accept what the lab was doing to him. There was nothing he could do about it, and while Namjoon had remained optimistic about their future, Yoongi accepted their fate and allowed the doctors and technicians to do whatever they wanted with him. He became a shell of his former self, not getting out of bed unless carried by Namjoon or the technicians, staring at the wall for hours on end, and only speaking when he was forced by the doctors. Namjoon cried for his friend, only wanting to help, wanting to get him out of there.

That was why Namjoon came up with the escape plan. One night, after Yoongi had been at the facility for nearly a year, Namjoon woke him up in the early hours of the morning. Apparently, the younger had been learning the rotations of the technicians and the guards when he was being moved from room to room. He would also listen in on their conversations while he was being given meds or having his blood drawn in the exam room, which was right next to the guard room. He didn’t tell Yoongi what he was doing because he didn’t want anyone to overhear them and ruin his plan, so Yoongi was completely shocked to learn he had all of this planned out.

Namjoon said that the guards would be on break in the guard room around 3:30 AM, and at 3:40 AM the technician on duty would rotate with the morning shift, who comes in at 3:45 AM and the guards would end their break around the same time, giving them a five minute window to get out of their rooms and down a hallway that led to the elevators. They both knew that this hallway led away from the exam rooms, and therefore, away from the guards. Yoongi was even more shocked when Namjoon pulled a keycard out of his back pocket that he took off one of the guards earlier when he was being given medication. That keycard would allow them to get onto the elevator and, hopefully, escape this place.

Given all the things that could’ve gone wrong, Namjoon and Yoongi’s escape went relatively seamlessly, and once they were out of that God forsaken place, they moved from place to place together, sleeping on the streets, abandoned houses, and homeless shelters, until they met Seokjin and Jungkook. Two men who were at one point, also housed at Big Hit, but released for different reasons. They would later meet the others and form the family they know and love today. Yoongi was thankful for the six men, living with them, and growing with them. They had a shared traumatic experience that they helped each other through, leaned on each other, and eventually developed a bond that they never expected.

Even after all these years, Yoongi still admired Namjoon and was beyond thankful for him for being there through his darkest times. Quite literally keeping him alive in the facility when he had given up trying. He owed Namjoon his life and respected him more than anyone on this planet. He never wanted to disappoint him and has been helping him find other natural borns to further his vision of equality, even if he didn’t always want to. Yoongi would much rather it just be the seven of them for the rest of their lives, but he understood why Namjoon pushed for this, why he stood up for others that couldn’t stand up for themselves. It was one of the many reasons he admired the man.

That is exactly why Yoongi is currently standing outside the warehouse, back against the large metal door you had run out of earlier today. The sun had set over an hour ago, meaning you had been gone most of the day. The others would have panicked by now, had it not been for Hoseok alerting them of your whereabouts. They were all shocked when Hobi had come into Yoongi’s room a few hours ago, letting them all know he had been watching you from the second floor, sitting on a rock down by the quarry. Jungkook and Seokjin had both wanted to go to you, but Namjoon talked them down, telling them you needed time to process everything that had happened to you. You were dealing with a lot, even now, and you didn’t even have the full story. They knew Namjoon’s words were true, having gone through something similar themselves. Though, they couldn’t imagine how you were feeling, having to suddenly leave your family with little explanation.

It was only after Namjoon pulled Yoongi aside in the hallway, telling him again he needed to fix this, apologize to you, even if he didn’t want to. He needed to make sure you stayed with them because if you didn’t, you’d be in more danger than you realized. Yoongi would never let Namjoon down, and so, he made his way down to the water to make good on his promise to fix this.

You were vaguely aware that the sun had set a while ago, sat on a rock, knees pulled to your chest, and face resting upon your crossed arms. You weren’t sobbing anymore, just a few stray tears falling every now and then. You were sure your face was red and swollen with how much crying you’ve done today.

The sound of the ripples on the water, the wind slowly blowing the trees around you, and the sound of chirping crickets was helping you relax, but with nightfall, brought cooler temperatures. Even though it was summer, it was still a bit chilly at night with how much humidity was in the air. Being right next to water wasn’t helping either. Just as a chill ran down your spine, causing you to shiver violently, you felt something warm being draped over your shoulder.

You startled, head snapping up at the new presence beside you, causing you to let out a curse as you nearly fell backwards. As you righted yourself, you were met with a pair of nearly black eyes that you least expected to see right now. “You’re shivering,” Yoongi coldly stated, face emotionless as he looked down at your pathetic state.

Way to state the obvious, you thought. But truthfully, you were thankful for the warmth of the leather jacket he had wrapped you in. You audibly gulped, looking up at him with eyes as wide as they could go, considering how puffy they were. “T- th- thanks…” you trailed off quietly, grabbing the sides of the jacket to pull it closer to you. You hadn’t realized just how cold you were.

“You coming back up?”

You mulled over his question for a moment. You were cold. And hungry. And completely and utterly exhausted and probably dehydrated with the river of tears you’ve cried today. Yet, you didn’t feel all that welcome in their ‘home’ and you were unsure if you really wanted to go back. Yoongi seemed to notice your hesitancy, taking the opportunity to say what he had practiced all the way down here. Talking wasn’t his strong suit. “They’re really worried about you, you know,” he uttered, softer than before, but still monotone.

Is that what he came all the way down here to tell you? You furrowed your brows at him, “They can come down here if they want,” you were pretty sure your brazen attitude was stemming from your emotional state and the chilly breeze, “they didn’t have to send you.”

Yoongi pursed his lips into a thin line, biting his tongue from saying what he really wanted to say, you think I want to be here? Instead, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose and let out a long sigh. When he opened his eyes, he saw you still staring at him, daring him to say something. He liked it, the fire in you. You seemed like a shy girl, timid even. He hoped you still had that fire after you learned what a horrible, unjust world you all live in.

Yoongi sat down on the rock next to you, not asking first, just making room for himself. You quickly scooted over, not feeling incredibly comfortable with him yet. “I’m sorry,” he began, staring down at his lap, “I was being unfair.” It almost sounded like the words were forced, like he didn’t really mean them, or want to say them, but you still took some comfort in the fact he was at least apologizing to you. Not that you thought he owed you an apology, but it still felt nice.

“No, you aren’t being unfair,” you murmured, looking out at the now cerulean blue water, “I’m sorry. Sorry I’m here.”

You sounded so small, so defeated. You reminded Yoongi of how he felt when he was first taken from his family. Scared, alone. Something in him wanted to reach out to you, comfort you, and he almost did, stopping his hand midair before it could reach your arm. You noticed his movement out of the corner of your eye and before he could retract his hand, you flinched. Actually flinched away from him. It was slight, but it still took Yoongi by surprise, jaw hanging slack, eyes widening at your apparent fear. Of him. Yoongi doesn’t think he’s ever felt shittier in his life. Was he so cold someone was actually afraid he’d hurt them? He’s never hurt anyone in his life. Sure, he was a ‘bad boy’, broke his fair share of laws, but he has never, ever, hurt another person.

“YN -”, he retracted his hand immediately, bringing it behind his back, wanting to hide the offending appendage, “I - wh -” he wasn’t even sure how to finish his sentence. He watched you pull your knees closer to your chest and lay your forehead on them, letting out a breath you had been holding. You didn’t look scared, you looked exasperated, and he wasn’t sure if that made him feel any better at all.

You didn’t actually think Yoongi would hurt you, you’ve just been so used to people treating you however they want, especially in high school. Boys would push you around in the hallways, girls would pull your hair in class and steal your backpack from under the lunch table. After high school, men would pull on your skirts or dresses at the market while you tried to sell flowers with a smile plastered on your face, which inevitably caused you to throw away any clothes that weren’t pants and baggy shirts. You were relatively afraid of people, and even though you trusted the men who took you in and have been helping you, you still didn’t know Yoongi, or the type of person he was. Now you felt remorse at the look on his face when you flinched away. He looks honestly heartbroken, regret written all over his features. You shook your head back and forth, forehead rubbing against your linen covered knees.

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed quietly, not daring to look back at the blonde next to you.

Yoongi’s heart broke further at the sound, “Can I touch you?”

Though you were shocked at Yoongi’s sudden query, you didn’t lift your head. Slowly, you nodded up and down, hoping he could see it. Now that you were expecting the movement, you didn’t startle as Yoongi scooted closer to you on the rock and gently, softly, ran a large, warm hand up and down your spine. Yoongi inwardly noted that your bones were perhaps sticking out a little too far, that maybe you’ve skipped one too many meals lately. Or maybe, you didn’t have access to them. He wasn’t sure. He had no idea what kind of home you lived in. He had limited information, and most of it was about your father. That thought made him remember something, “Pearl?” Yoongi whispered cautiously, not sure how you would react to him having this knowledge. Hoping that you would find some sort of comfort in it, since your friends and mother called you that.

You immediately stopped sniffling, body going stiff as a board. You sat up abruptly and looked Yoongi dead in the eyes, “What did you call me?” He could see the red rims of your swollen eyes, dried tear tracks being covered by new ones and another piece of his heart cracked off, swallowed by the ocean of his chest.

“Pearl,” he uttered again, a little more confidently, “isn’t that your nickname?”

“H-how?” You stuttered, staring into his vast ocean eyes. They held more emotion than you were accustomed to, coming from him. You gently shook your head back and forth to dislodge the tears that were gathering at the corners.

Yoongi visibly blushed at your question, quickly avoiding your gaze and turning his head to the side and removing his hand from your back. You momentarily missed the warmth. He looked like he was gazing out at the water, but you could tell he was embarrassed. You narrowed your eyes at him. What was he hiding? “Yoongi?” You sniffled again, which caught his attention. He bit his cheek and looked at you through his lashes.

“I- I’m sorry.”

You were even more confused now. “For?”

“Everything,” he let out an exasperated sigh, “for yelling at you last night, for acting like sending you to Big Hit was a good idea, and…” he trailed off. You waited a moment, tears forgotten as you listened to the man be sincere for the first time since you met him, “for going through your phone.” His words were quiet, so quiet you almost asked him to repeat himself, but after a moment realization hit you.

“Y- you went through my phone?” Long gone was the remorse you felt for leaving your friends, the sorrow you felt at possibly losing your family. In its place, was anger. An ugly, red monster that was brewing in your chest. A part of you knew it was irrational, but the other part knew that he wouldn’t be ashamed if he didn’t feel like he did something wrong. This man, who yelled at you, made you feel small, made you think you didn’t matter… had invaded your privacy. Namjoon promised he would shut off service to your phone, making it untraceable. He promised it would be safe in their hands. You wouldn’t let your mind trace this back to Namjoon, no. He did nothing wrong. You were angry at the blonde sitting in front of you, wide-eyed with a mouth shaped like an “o”.

He shook himself out of the momentary shock at your reaction, “Y- yes,” he dragged out before quickly adding, “and I’m so sorry YN, really I am. It was wrong of me, and I know that. I know that! I just…”

You cut him off before he could finish that thought, “If you knew it was wrong, why did you do it?”

There was a deep ‘v’ forming on your forehead. The face you wore didn’t resemble someone who was angry, more concerned. Or disappointed. Yeah, that was the right word, Yoongi thought. He felt small in this moment, like he was a child being scolded for stealing cookies. He sighed and looked down at his hands folded in his lap.

“I was scared,” was all he could come up with at the moment, feeling so incredibly guilty and having no other way to express it to you.

“Scared?” You scoffed, he hasn’t been acting very scared. In fact, it seemed more like he was putting on a tough guy persona to try and scare you. “Of what, exactly?” You were feeling brazened now, these boys were really bringing out the sides of you, weren’t they?

A beat passed before Yoongi uttered, “Of losing my soulmates.”

The anger you were feeling just moments ago, dissipated in tiny fractures until all that was left in its wake was empathy for the man sitting across from you. For the first time since you met him, you felt like you saw Yoongi’s rock solid wall, crack slightly. His expression was still blank, like usual, but there was something in his eyes that was calling out to you, for help. He was just like the others. Scared, alone, worried. He found a home in these men, his best friends, maybe even his lovers. Something you were just starting to realize you might be finding in them, too. You were all alike, in some way or another. All felt like you didn’t belong, and here, with each other, you did belong. If you could feel that, you can’t imagine what Yoongi must feel for the others, having spent so much time with them.

You look away from Yoongi’s eyes, staring out at the water like he had been moments ago, cracking under the pressure of his intense gaze. Biting your lip to keep the dam from breaking again you whisper, “I shouldn’t be here.”

Yoongi wasn’t sure if he heard you correctly, but after a moment realized what you had meant by that. “That’s not what I meant, YN,” he sighed and ran a hand down his face, “really, it’s not.”

“No, I know, Yoongi,” you started, not turning to look at him just yet, “I’ve been thinking about it all day. I don’t want to walk in here and ruin what you guys have, get in the way of your friendships, or relationships,” you blushed at the insinuation, “I should go home. We don’t even know if my parents know anything, or if they even planned on giving me to Big Hit. I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions, they know that.”

Yoongi started to panic, not just because he knew Seokjin and Jungkook would be crushed if you chose to leave, but because he knew you didn’t know the whole truth. Should he tell you? Namjoon would kill him. He didn’t want to disappoint his best friend, his savior, his love. But, he also didn’t want to possibly endanger you by allowing you to return home. He was already starting to care deeply for you and was terrified of the possibility of you getting hurt. “YN -” he started before sucking his lips between his teeth, contemplating his next words. At his silence, you removed your gaze from the quarry and turned towards the nervous looking man. He was wringing his wrist between the fingers of his other hand, a nervous tick.

You looked at him expectantly through long lashes, eyes still red rimmed from crying away most of the day. Yoongi still thought you looked ethereal, especially with the way the moon was reflecting in your eyes. It was like he could see the entire galaxy staring back at him, and it made him feel things he didn’t want to feel right now. Not when he was about to break your heart.

“YN I, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go back. I know you don’t trust me,” he rushed out, making sure you weren’t going to cut him off again, “just let me explain why I’m saying this. I haven’t made the greatest impression on you, and for that I really am sorry. Like I said, I was scared. That’s not an excuse to treat someone poorly, but I hope you can understand that I love the others more than I love myself.”

Your eyes softened at his confession. You could see the love they shared for each other, but hearing him say it really solidified your observations. “Namjoon isn’t telling you the whole truth,” he noticed your eyes go wide, at mentally slapped himself for the poor choice of words before quickly saying, “it’s not what you think! You are like us. You are different. And you are in danger. But Namjoon knew if he told you just how much danger you were in, you probably wouldn’t trust him. He’s not a bad guy, in fact, he’s the exact opposite. He’s saved my life once before and I’m positive he’d do the same for you.”

If you weren’t confused before, you sure as hell are now. They were lying to you? “YN, your parents,” he let out another sigh hating the words he was about to say, “they are the ones lying to you. Hyunwoo and your father weren’t classmates. They worked together,” he felt like a traitor, like he was letting Namjoon down, “he’s a beneficiary of Big Hit. They’re already paying for you.”

To be continued...

taglist: @minifruity @mrcleanheichou @arantxaglz @chim-possible @kooksremedy @irishhbamb @sugashaye @lovelyseomin

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loveisnotadagger · 3 years ago

Text

Love Is Healing - Chapter Six

Chapter 6/?

Rating T

Arianna's life went on undisturbed by the fact that Loki was in it. She still took trips to hospitals to heal the wounded, and she didn't hate the fact that she was living in the same building as Natasha. Tash was her best friend, but they didn't usually get to spend a lot of time together because they weren't usually called on the same missions. The Manhattan fiasco had been an exception. They usually weren't called to do anything so large scale as that had been.

Aside from Natasha, the other Avengers were good company as well. Steve kept to himself mostly, but he was nice and polite when he did talk with Arianna. He sometimes treated her like a kid, but she chalked that up to the time jump he'd had to deal with after being frozen for seventy years. Bruce spent most of his time with Tony in the lab in the basement. Natasha and Clint spent their time together with Arianna unless she was with Loki, though they remained nearby when Arianna was with the Asgardian.

On this particular morning Arianna was in the kitchen making herself some toast and a fruit salad to go with it. She was making enough fruit salad for everyone, actually. She'd been the first one up and had made a pot of coffee. The aroma had pulled Tash out of bed as well as Steve. Arianna almost grinned at the mess that was Tash's red hair. She hadn't even taken the time to brush it.

Steve's hair wasn't in place either, but it didn't matter. It was so unfair that people with short hair looked okay even if their hair was a mess.

"Jarvis, can you tell Tony and Bruce that there's coffee if they want some?"

"Yes, Miss Grace."

Arianna smiled, remembering the first time Tony had spoken to Jarvis in front of her. She hadn't known what to think when Jarvis had responded. She'd basically praised Tony's genius after he'd explained what Jarvis was exactly.

Over the few weeks that she had been there, Tony had taken to treating Arianna as if she were a kid sister, which basically meant that he teased her constantly but was also protective. In fact, he was protective to the point of being almost paranoid. It didn't really bother Arianna at all, so she let him get away with it. If knowing she was safe gave Tony Stark a small amount of security in his mind, she would allow him to do what he deemed necessary.

"Is Clint still asleep, Jarvis?"

"He hasn't left his room, Miss Grace."

"Okay. Thank you."

"You know he likes to sleep in when he can," Natasha said.

Once the fruit salad was prepared Arianna took some of it and her toast to the living room where she sat on the couch and began to eat. After she was done, she took a medium sized bowl of fruit to Loki's room. He had yet to come out and socialize with the others, though he did leave the room at night when most of the others were sleeping.

He barely talked to anyone who wasn't Arianna. She didn't know what to make of that, but it probably had something to do with the fact that Loki seemed not to trust anyone else but her – if trust was the right word for what he felt for her.

She knew that he at least enjoyed her company. ----------

Loki was reading when Arianna brought him his breakfast. The Man of Iron had bought him a set of books that would help Loki learn more about Earth. He had to admit that Midgardians were adept enough, considering they didn't know magic existed. From how many wars he'd already read about, it was probably a good things humans couldn't do what Loki could – or what he'd been able to do before he'd been made mortal.

It seemed Midgardian leaders would fight over anything. It reminded him of the time Thor had raced off to Jotunheim to declare war on them. It would've caused war against all of Asgard had Thor's antics worked. Loki had played his own part in getting Thor to go, but he had hoped he'd be able to talk his way out of a fight. Thor had been impulsive then and quick to anger, quick to fight, and words were said that Thor had reacted badly to. That was when the battle had begun.

He looked up from his book when Arianna came in. She gave him a small smile and came over to the bed to sit on the edge. She offered him a bowl of fruit, which he accepted and began to pick at. Some of the fruit he recognized because they were also grown in Asgard, but others he had to ask about as he came across them.

For instance, he had no clue what a banana was.

"We're going to have to get you acquainted with the kitchen so you can learn to make what you want and not just what I make."

"I like the food you make."

Arianna never made any complicated meals, but they always satisfied. Besides, as a prince, Loki had no knowledge of cooking.

"Be that as it may, you still need to know. And it's okay to come out of your room when the others are awake. It isn't meant to be a prison cell."

"I'm under constant watch," he reminder her. "And I am still not at my best."

"Well, no one's going to attack you," she said gently. Then with humor, she said, "I think everyone is afraid of what your mother would do if something were to happen to you here."

Loki shook his head. "It would depend on whose fault it was."

Arianna stayed long enough to let Loki finish eating and then she immediately stood up. Before leaving she said, "In all seriousness, you should come out. We could watch a movie or something."

Loki had read about movies – moving pictures – but hadn't yet watched one. Maybe he could try just once. If he didn't like it, he would just say so and he wouldn't have to watch another one.

Loki carefully got off the bed and went to his closet to pick an outfit. Arianna had ordered him clothes the first day he'd agreed to stay with the Avengers. He had to admit that Midgardian attire was easier to get into, but it left Loki feeling vulnerable and exposed. How did Midgardians feel safe without armor on at all times? On Asgard, the only time Loki's armor came off was at night when he was sleeping or when he was bathing and, even then, he took precautions to ensure his safety.

He decided on a dark blue sweater and a pair of black jeans, which he had to admit he looked good in. He went without shoes and found the sensation not unpleasant. He'd seen Arianna go around barefoot at all times of the day; many times she had visited fully clothed aside from her lack of shoes.

She'd definitely made herself home in Stark's Tower. ---------- Arianna had just put a movie in the DVD player when Loki came into what would be the living room in a normal home. The room had since been fixed from when it had been destroyed by the war that had been brought to Manhattan.

Tony had taught her how to use the TV because he had a remote that controlled all the electronics in the room – even the lights. Arianna didn't know why Tony couldn't have just invested in some light switches. When she'd voiced her opinion, he'd given her a sarcastic grin and had called her cute.

"You said I could join you," Loki said as he appeared out of the hallway.

She nodded, not surprised by his sudden appearance as she could feel his presence when he was close by. Side effect of being connected to him for so long even though it had been almost a month now.

The movie she'd chosen was the first Harry Potter movie. She'd chosen it in the hopes of Loki coming out of his room to watch it with her. She hoped he'd like it because of the magic in it, even if it wasn't the type of magic he was used to.

"The type you're accustomed to then?" Loki assumed when she tried to describe the movie without giving too much away. It was about a boy who found out he was a wizard and was allowed to go to a school for magic.

"I can do some of the things in the movie."

"So you can make things float?" Tony asked, suddenly appearing in the room. Bruce was with him. They had just come from the lab.

"Depends on what I'm trying to make float. And I've never actually done it, but theoretically, I know how."

Arianna wasn't surprised that Tony had known what she and Loki had been talking about. There were cameras everywhere in Stark Tower and Tony could pull up the video feed from pretty much anywhere.

"Would you mind testing that theory while you're living here?" Tony asked. "I just wanna know why you can do what you can do."

Arianna knew Tony was coming from a place of genuine curiosity and that he didn't want to use her for anything. She also knew he was asking her respectfully. If she'd been anyone else, he probably would've mentioned that he was letting her live there for free while also having her every need met with his money, but he hadn't said a word.

"I don't mind furthering your research," she said. "Better you than Fury and the science team at SHIELD."

"And Banner? He'll want to take your pulse and check brains waves and such."

Bruce looked uncomfortable for a slight moment. He'd obviously known nothing about Tony's request until just now. It was kind of cute and ironic that the guy that could turn into the Hulk was so bashful when he wasn't green and smashing things.

"It's fine," Arianna said. "I have a few conditions, though, because I've heard about how excited you get when you start a new project. You act like a kind with a new toy."

Tony looked as if he agreed with that statement, so Arianna felt confident enough to continue.

"I am not a toy and I'm not a machine. I have limits, so . . . I guess these are my conditions. One, I want to know what we do before we do it, and two, no pushing if I say no."

Tony agreed almost immediately and then said, "What exactly do you think I want to force you into? I gave up my dreams of world domination years ago."

Arianna rolled her eyes at Tony's joke and responded with, "Just covering my bases." ---------- After Arianna and Tony came to an agreement, which didn't take too long. Arianna was finally able to play the movie. Natasha watched the movie with them, even though Arianna knew Natasha wasn't much into movies – especially ones like Harry Potter. She didn't know why Natasha was being so protective when Loki really wasn't a threat at the moment. If he'd had his powers, Arianna would've completely understood, but as it was . . . even Arianna could beat Loki, and she couldn't fight to save her life.

By the time the movie ended, Arianna had decided to get Loki the Harry Potter series for him to read. She knew he liked to read because he had responded well to the encyclopedias she'd gotten him already – or that Tony had gotten him, at her suggestion.

After having been inside Loki's head, she'd found out more than he'd probably be comfortable with, but she couldn't help that. It had helped her decide how to approach Loki. Helping him understand the world he now lived in would make him feel less helpless.

He could learn their culture and try to fit in if he so desired. She could introduce him to other movies, her favorite ones and ones she thought he would like. She could bring him music, see if he liked it. She didn't even know if Asgard had music, but she knew music helped her relax. It could settle her when she felt anxious or it could help her have fun if she felt like dancing around. She'd even hopped around to Tony's music a few times when she'd stumbled upon him jamming out.

That night before Arianna went to bed, Natasha stopped her and asked to come into her room.

"Sure, Tash. What's up?"

"Loki."

"What about him?"

The two women sat down on the bed and Arianna gave Natasha her undivided attention.

"Loki is better now, right?" the red head asked. "I mean, there's nothing more you can do for him. He has to build up strength himself."

"Yeah. I mean, I could share energy with him, but there's no need. He's awake and able to eat and drink. It would sort of be a waste of time."

Natasha smiled slightly. "Yes. It would be."

"What's this about?"

If Natasha was taking the time to have this conversation, it meant she had something to say. Tash wasn't one for idle chitchat.

"Aries, you are good. Loki is not. He killed eighty people in two days. He didn't blink; he didn't flinch. That's not counting the people that were hurt during the battle."

"You mean the battle where the people we worked for were going to bomb the city? That would've killed a lot more than eighty people. And correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't those eighty people that died the ones that were buried beneath the rubble that Fury himself decided to bring down?"

"To try and keep Loki from getting away."

"I know that. The point I'm trying to make is that we're responsible for some of the blood that was spilled."

Natasha didn't say anything to that, but she looked as if she'd had the same thoughts go through her head at least once.

"Besides, it's not like I like him or anything."

She didn't trust many people enough to get close to them and Loki was no different. Arianna had known Natasha for a long time. It had taken Arianna two years to get close enough to consider her a friend and not just a co-worker.

"All I'm saying is . . . don't coddle him. He's not a pet."

"I'm not coddling him."

"You bought him books. You're watching movies with him."

"I didn't buy him anything. Tony did. Besides, Fury said I needed to help Loki acclimate to life here. He needs to know things about this world."

Natasha sighed and her body deflated from losing its purpose for being in the room.

"All I'm saying is be careful, okay? I've been alone with him. He can get in your head."

Arianna smiled. She knew her friend was coming from a place of love and that Natasha was only looking out for her.

"Tash, I think you're forgetting the fact that I can get inside his head too." ---------- Over the next few days, Arianna and Loki spent time going over things he would need for everyday life

He had learned about the shower within the first few days he'd been strong enough to stand on his own. Loki preferred baths, and until arriving on Midgard he'd never taken a shower. No such thing existed on Asgard. Loki had always had servants to draw his bath for him. On Midgard there was plumbing and they had knobs that controlled the temperature of the water.

It was practical and convenient. It beat having to boil water to pour into a tub and then having to wait so one wouldn't scorch oneself.

Loki had also been introduced to an invisible person named Jarvis – or at least he'd assumed the voice had belonged to a person until Arianna had explained what exactly Jarvis was. It was brilliant. Loki didn't like the fact that Tony Stark could pull up an image or video from anywhere in the Tower, but he did appreciate the genius behind it.

This particular day, Arianna was showing Loki around the kitchen. Mostly she was just letting him know where everything was, so if he needed something, he would know where it was located. That was easy enough to remember.

On Asgard there wasn't anything remotely like an oven, a microwave, or a refrigerator, but they were all brilliant inventions. Loki was used to a pit of fire for cooking – not that he knew how to cook, but he knew what was needed – so the oven was a nice touch. One was able to control the heat by setting the degree one needed for a specific dish.

The refrigerator was practical and kept things from spoiling when left over. Asgard should invest in such things in the future.

He wasn't sure about the microwave. It was brilliant, of course, but it didn't seem healthy. He didn't understand how it worked, so he didn't trust it.

As it was, Arianna had shown him how to use the toaster and they were both slathering butter and jam over the toasted bread.

"Is there anything you want to do today?" Arianna asked. "Maybe watch another movie or something. I have to go down to the lab, but I can set you up before I go. I can show you how to use the DVD player and the TV. Or I can show you how to use the computer."

Loki didn't really want to do any of those things. He didn't mind movies or TV, though he thought people needed to be careful in choosing what to watch. Some of the things he'd seen could only be called moronic and probably lowered the intelligence level of the people who regularly watched them.

He didn't mind reading, but it seemed to him that the only thing he'd been doing was reading.

"Do you mind if I come with you? I'm interested in what Midgardians consider science. Maybe you could teach me the computer later."

Arianna smiled softly. Loki's gaze fixed on her face when he noticed that when she was genuinely happy her green eyes would dance with light.

He didn't know why she was still being so nice to him. He'd heard her arguing with her red-headed friend. He knew Agent Romanoff didn't agree with Arianna treating him as kindly as she was, but Arianna hadn't changed despite knowing how her friend felt.

Loki didn't know what he would've done had Arianna begun to show hatred or indifference towards him. She was the only thing making his stay on Midgard bearable. He didn't really miss Asgard, but it was his home; it was what was familiar to him. His mother was there, and he did miss her.

Arianna was what was familiar here. She was what he clung to so that he would not be completely alone.

"I'll teach you the computer. Will you teach me about you and your people? I mean, you're from a different realm."

Loki could see the obvious curiosity Arianna was expressing. She was sincerely interested in learning for the sake of learning.

"How about you let me come with you and I'll tell you more about Asgard."

"I don't mind you coming with me. You probably should explore the building a bit. Although the lab is usually off limits when Tony is working."

Loki did want to explore, but he wasn't up to his usual strength yet. He didn't know what his usual strength was anymore. He would no longer have the strength of a god. He would have only human strength. He wasn't sure what that meant. He knew he would probably be one of the weakest ones there.

The patriotic one had the power of science making him strong; Dr. Banner became a green beast when angry enough; Agent Barton was an excellent archer and a fair fighter; Agent Romanoff knew how to fight and could probably wield any weapon one put in her hands; Stark had his suit of metal that he could call on in an instant; Arianna had her powers even if she didn't know how to use them to her advantage.

Loki could fight, but he'd always had his strength and magic to rely on. He'd told Arianna once that he'd preferred magic to fighting, and he hadn't been lying. Most of the men on Asgard were big and burly like Thor. They had their build to work with, whereas Loki was tall and lean.

He was brought back to himself by hearing the cling of dishes being put in the sink. Arianna was done with her breakfast and she was waiting for him now.

Without a thought, he took a large bite of his toast. It wasn't polite to keep a lady waiting. ---------- The first thing Tony did when Arianna and Loki got to the lab was attach her to a heart monitor. He was also going to scan her brain waves so he could record activity while she did whatever it was she could do.

Tony explained what everything was before getting started. That had been one of the conditions of their arrangement, and he didn't mind upholding his end.

The first thing he said was, "Why's Reindeer Games here?"

Arianna mock-glared at him. "He wanted to come see the lab, and that's not his name."

"Right. Loki. My bad."

Loki didn't seem offended in the least. Tony was sure Loki didn't care what anyone thought of him, let alone what Tony thought. In fact, Loki seemed uninterested in anyone that wasn't Arianna Grace.

"I am here to speak with you, Man of Iron," Loki said. "If you had directed your question to me, I would have more than happily answered."

Tony was shocked, to say the least. Loki had barely spoken to anyone aside from Arianna, and now he was requesting a conversation with Tony.

"It can wait until you are through with this . . . session of experimentation."

"Research," Tony corrected. "Not experimentation."

None of it would be documented. Tony was just curious. Plus he didn't want to risk SHIELD hacking into his database and stealing information on their littlest Avenger. He wouldn't endanger her that way.

The elevator doors opened to reveal Dr. Branner, who was in a lab coat. He stepped forward and quietly greeted everyone, even Loki.

"Is it all right if Bruce takes a blood sample?"

"Sure, but I can already tell you I'm A positive."

"That's good to know if you're ever bleeding to death," Tony quipped. "That's not why I want a sample, though."

Tony gestured for Bruce to begin. All in all, Arianna was only in the lab for about thirty minutes. Tony was only testing her normal responses at the moment. He wanted to know what her heart rate and brain activity were when she was relaxed. Only then could he compare it to results he hoped to get at a later date.

"You're all set," he said.

"That's it?" Arianna asked, a cute and confused look on her face.

"Yup. We can do other tests later."

She hopped off the hospital bed she'd been sitting on, looked at Loki, and raised her eyebrows a bit.

"You don't have to wait for me," Loki said. "I'll find my own way back."

She nodded and sent them all a quick smile before heading to the elevator. Tony found the bond between Loki and Arianna interesting – troubling, but interesting nonetheless. Arianna hadn't given voice to her question, but Loki had understood her facial expression. He'd known her a few short weeks and whether Arianna would admit it or not, she'd formed an attachment to the former god of mischief.

Tony didn't know what that meant.

"I mean her no harm," Loki said. Apparently Loki was just good at reading people.

"Good. Because if you hurt her, the kid gloves will come off and you'll be given to Fury so fast you won't know what hit you. And you're not immortal anymore."

Loki nodded soberly. "That's why I wished to speak to you."

Tony looked at Bruce, who was pointedly pretending to study a drop of Arianna's blood that he'd placed on a slide and onto the plate holder of a microscope.

"Go on," Tony said.

"I am mortal now. I don't know what that entails. I don't understand myself in this form."

Loki stepped forward.

"I'd like to learn. I'll need your help. I need to know my strengths and weaknesses, my limitations." A small grin graced Loki's lips. "Research, Mr. Stark."

Because Tony Stark was ever the curious genius-playboy-philanthropist, he gave in.

@smallangryandpink, @purplekitten30

#loki #loki x reader #loki/oc #Loki/OFC #love is healing #chapter six

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absoluteyoongit · 5 years ago

Text

in loving memory

⇢ pairing: ghost!taehyung x gender neutral!reader, jin x gender neutral!reader

⇢ genre: big angst, with a little fluff

⇢ word count: 10.1K

⇢ warnings: MCD nothing graphic tae’s just...yk a ghost, reader has depression and anxiety

⇢ summary: the love of your life was gone, he wasn’t coming back. At least in any way you could hope for.

⇢ author’s note: bueller is finally back with some angst. thanks to @youarejesting, @rougebangtan, and @bangtanloverboys for reading this and giving me words of encouragement, it means so much to me. Also thank you @purpleskies1999 for the amazing banner, I love it.

part of btsghostiewriters bingo bash: prompt- ghost

Have you ever loved someone so much you ceased living for yourself but lived for them?

That was the only explanation Taehyung could imagine as to why he sat silently, watching you sleep peacefully from the corner of the room. The person he loved so dearly looked captivating even In deep sleep. His gaze, vigilant on your vulnerable form.

Your soft snores filled the otherwise silent room. Drool pooling at the base of the pillow where your mouth laid open against it. Round cheeks puffing up as your face squished against the pillow. Strands of wild hair standing in all different directions from bed head. Arms holding the body pillow in a death grip with knuckles tense. Eyelids fluttering as you dreamed—of something happy, Tae wished—nose flexing as you breathed in and out. A streak of moonlight adorned your face, highlighting the still damp tear stains that had yet to dry.

Taehyung admired you from afar, so close but the farthest away he could ever be.

He pried his eyes away from your sleeping figure for the first time since you collapsed onto the bed from exhaustion.

The usually tidy, cozy studio apartment was an abandoned disheveled mess. A mountain of dirty dishes waiting to be washed piled around the kitchen sink, worn clothes littered the ground—despite not changing your oversized sweater in the past week or so—a stockpile of takeout boxes cluttered on the ground next to the already full garbage can. Plants you had painstakingly cared for wilted. Art and pictures that once decorated the walls, taken down and placed in a corner to not be seen again. Pictures of him and you.

Taehyung’s eyes rested on the picture you found earlier, the memory which caused your emotional outburst, leaving you drained. The picture was from your second anniversary. He took you to the city’s local fair, the same place the two of you had your first date, the same place as your first kiss. Both of you just got off of a deathtrap of a ride; your hairs stuck up in different directions from being blown out, much like the bed head you sported at the moment. Your arms clung to his waist as you walked forward while he wrapped around your shoulders. The two of you possessed the biggest smiles of your life, eyes crinkled in euphoria. You looked toward the camera while his gaze was on you like it always was. That was the happiest day of his life besides the day you said yes. Your smile from that day was almost identical to the one in this picture but with the addition of joyful tears.

It was a shame he never got to see you walk down the aisle.

The smile he wore did not reach his eyes. He never would have left you if he knew you would end up in this state. It has been months since he’s been gone but you continued falling down, spiraling out of control, never trying to climb back out. He couldn’t stand it, seeing you like this. He hated it. He realized a long time ago that he could not do anything about it.

Taehyung remembered the day it happened. He woke up in a hospital, surrounded by frightening cords and monitors. Bolting from his bed, frantically searching for your room to hope you were okay, alive. Now he realized that was too easy, too straightforward. He should have known that leaving the bed without any struggle was a red flag but all he cared about was whether you were okay or not.

It wasn’t until he reached your room that the realization occurred. You were unconscious but alive, the monitor checking your heartbeat sounded off steadily. Before he could ask the attending nurse about your condition, she walked through him.

The initial shock of his death was quick. He cried over your body, inconsolable, until the moment you opened your eyes. Ever since then all he cared about was you but Why make you his unfinished business if he couldn’t do anything to ease your pain.

He sighed, there was nothing to be done, nothing he could change. He would gladly die again if it had to be him or you. Hell, he would have gotten himself killed if you died in the accident and not him. Life would not be worth it without you in it. He prayed to whatever was out there that you were stronger than he was and continued on. He would be content to watch you for eternity even if it meant watching you move on.

The thought of you meeting someone new left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. On one hand, he would do anything to see your bright smile again but on the other, he wanted to be the cause of that smile and no one else.

A soft whimper stirred him from his trance, his head snapping to you in worry. Another nightmare? Your lower lip quivered as your breaths grew more labored and heavy. The arms that already held his pillow close crushed them tighter, your eyes squeezing harder. Baby hairs stuck to your face, dampening from the sweat collecting on your skin.

On instinct, Taehyung rushed over to your side. The once heavy pads of his feet registering as nothing more than a mere whisper in the dark room. The palms of his hands steadied him as he leaned towards your shivering body, your cries now louder than low whimpers.

Taehyung’s focus was entirely spent on trying to soothe you; so singularly focused that he missed the way the bed dipped from his invisible weight or the way the blanket shifted when his foot slid across it.

He looked down at your crying features, faces inches apart, so close that if he was paying attention he would notice the ghost of his breath flutter against your eyelashes.

All he wanted was to comfort you but like the many times since he left, he was unsure about how to help. For all he knew, you could not feel his presence. You didn’t feel the way he clung to you as you sat alone in the hospital crying after hearing the news or the way he held your hand during his funeral. You never reacted to him then so why should you now?

That didn’t stop him from closing the distance between your faces, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. The wrinkles that settled there slowly relaxed as your cries gradually lessened into hiccups. The fierce grip on the pillow he used to use loosened, your knuckles no longer white.

The soft adoration he felt seeing you calm down dissipated and was replaced by pure shock once he realized what just happened. You reacted to him. You felt his lips, at least felt them enough to ease you back into a more peaceful slumber. He held his useless breath, the disbelief lingering on his face as he moved to touch you more. Rough calloused hands cupped your jaw, thumbs rubbing in a soothing motion. His heart stopped for the second time that night as he witnessed you lean closer into his embrace. He could not believe it. After months of losing hope he would ever connect to you again, you felt his presence, even if you responded in your sleep.

Pure excitement filled Taehyung’s veins as he gripped both sides of your face, planting fervent kisses all over. He was desperate for you to feel his love for you, desperate to let you know that he was still around and that he would never leave.

You stirred, feeling the lightest of pecks all over your face. The sensation was cold but something about these chilling phantom touches warmed your heart, they were familiar and comforting. Opening your eyes, you felt an unexplainable disappointment seeing only a streak of light from the streetlight on your ceiling.

Your heart clenched. You swore you felt a weight, felt someone, felt him, on top of you. You held back a sob, trying not to cry again. The memories of the accident and the white walls of the hospital already haunted your dreams. You didn’t need this delusion to bring forth more memories. Finally catching your breath, you sat up and eyed the clock on your nightstand. 4:52 am. You exhaled, deciding to start your day in fear of what you would see if you closed your eyes again.

Taehyung’s eyes followed you with sadness from his position on the bed. You had looked straight through him. Deep down he knew that you would never actually see him again but the longing on your face as you unknowingly stared into his eyes devastated him.

His lingering eyes trailed you as you made coffee. Taehyung was mesmerized by the way your body gracefully moved about the kitchen, the way he always did when he was alive. He longed for the touch of your soft skin, longed for your fingers as they threaded through his wavy hair. Craved the way your long legs would wrap around his waist as he pressed against a hard surface. He yearned for the silk of your lips against his. He missed the way your body fit perfectly against his.

An optimistic smile replaced the solemn one on his face, a newfound hope bubbling up in his chest. You felt him. Even if you did not see him or recognize his touch, you still felt him. There was hope that he could make you understand that he was still here, with you.

Taehyung was a determined man. If he didn’t pass on because of his love for you he was going to try with all of his might to make you feel it.

The city seemed more crowded than usual as you silently weaved in and out of the masses on the sidewalk. Maybe it was the fact you haven’t left your apartment since the funeral that fueled your anxiety. It’s been three months since you have come into contact with this many people; grateful that your boss allowed you to work remotely part-time while you grieved. It would have been impossible to show your face at work.

However, your vacation from work was ending soon and the very thought of witnessing pity on your coworkers’ faces when you returned made you sick. You needed some casual human interaction as preparation before heading back to the warzone; so when your friend Jin reached out, offering to take you out for lunch, you accepted. It was the little nudge you needed to start integrating back into normal life. At least, as normal as it could get.

Taking a moment to look down at your clothes, you grimaced. Stained sweatpants—from what looks like pizza or some kind of hot sauce—a huge oversized Nike sweater, and a pair of mismatched socks with sandals. You were a mess. Not only were you regretting not putting a little more effort into your outfit because of the stares you got but also because you were sweating. It wasn’t scalding out but the unblocked sun in the sky made it feel many degrees hotter than it actually was. Hopefully, Jin would take pity on you; not his actual pity but if he commented on your attire you’d probably cry.

One of your favorite cafés came into view; reading its name made your mouth dry. The anxiety building up from your journey here reached a boiling point. This was a bad idea.

You and Taehyung would come to this very café every day after your shared English class, freshman year of university. You froze, not bearing the thought of stepping inside. The window booth where the two of you would always study together was in full view. This is where you fell in love with him.

“Do you want your usual? I’m buying today.”

“You can’t say you’re buying every time we come here. How are you not broke yet?”

He shrugged, “I am smart with my money. I only spend it on things I care about.”

“You care about my coffee?”

“I care about you.”

Taehyung confessed to you here that day, he asked you on your first date here, he asked you to be his partner here. It was all too much. The pain in your chest grew, breath quickening, as you stood at the storefront. Jin was in clear view, sitting in the exact spot Taehyung would sit at. Flashes of his face replaced Jin’s as you imagined Taehyung sitting there, waiting for you. Why did you agree to meet here when Jin suggested it? Maybe he would understand if you canceled on him right now. It wasn’t unreasonable right?

Your shoulders twisted, ready to turn around and run, but something stopped you. It felt like a chilling breeze on a cold day, except it didn’t pass over you, it was isolated on your shoulder. The cold air swirled around your body, tickling you. The sensation was comforting, almost as if it was urging you forward toward the entrance of the restaurant. It reminded you of the invisible weight you felt just a week ago.

On instinct, you let the cool touch guide you inside towards your awaiting friend. As soon as Jin locked gazes with you the feeling left, strangely leaving you colder than before despite the heat outside. Jin waved you over with a gentle smile on his face. You donned a nervous one, walking over and sitting down.

Taehyung watched as you and Jin conversed through the window. He released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He could not believe that worked.

In all honesty, Taehyung was a nervous wreck. Sure, he was able to wake you up with his touch a few nights ago but doubt swelled in him since then. He worried that it was all a figment of his imagination, some cruel force messing with him. He refrained from attempting to touch you again because of that fear; scared that the little blossom of hope he held would wilt away. But seeing you stand frozen, in your own fear, in front of the place that carried so many memories, made him snap. He needed to have you know that you were not alone, you had people who cared. He could not let you run away from the one friend you two shared.

That’s when in desperation, Taehyung grabbed your shoulder. He barely felt the warmth of he knew your body provided but it was there. Just like the night where his kisses found your face, he felt only a fraction of the warmth he used to. It was enough for him. The weak sensation connected him to you. He craved it and desired it more than anything to feel that connection and comfort from his touch.

Taehyung felt desperate. Desperate for you to recognize he was here, that he just didn’t fade into oblivion, that his love was stronger than death.

He focused back on the reunion at hand, he would figure out his next steps later but for now, he wanted you to feel better than you did this morning. He hoped Jin could help.

Jin did help. He made you use your voice for the first time in months that did not involve crying. However, the conversation didn’t last long. As much as you needed the social interaction you were overwhelmed from the phantom presence earlier. It frightened you. It didn’t scare you in the way where you feared something bad would happen. No, it was more about the way your body reacted to it. Like the familiar affectionate touch of a friend’s hand on your shoulder, it made you feel lighter. It confused you. The thoughts scattered around your head blocked you from having any meaningful conversation with Jin. Short straight to the point responses was all you could muster.

You tried ignoring the concerned look on Jin’s face after exchanging pleasantries for the fourth time but you could tell that he wasn’t going to be quiet about it for long. Jin was always upfront and blunt, something you admire about him, but it made you nervous now.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

Jin watched you flinch as the words left his mouth. That simple question held a monstrous weight. Jin knew that. He knew that question could trigger a waterfall of pent up emotions. He was prepared though. In his opinion, the dam you had built over the past three months needed to break.

You were a dam. Someone who bottled up their feelings, preferring to deal with them alone until one day you crack. Jin wanted to be there for you when that day came. You had been alone for so long he was afraid of what would happen if you retreat into yourself again.

When he set up this rendezvous he expected you to be emotional. That’s why he picked this café; he wanted you to be vulnerable with him. What he wasn’t expecting was for you to be stuck in a stupor. Your one to two word responses did not satisfy him. He was worried even more now.

Y/N and Taehyung were some of his closest friends, so when he heard that both of you ended up in the hospital because of an accident and only one of you was recovering it was heartbreaking.

It hurt him more when you cried at the hospital and the funeral. You didn’t let anyone touch you or console you. It was the lowest he’s ever seen you and it was evident that you have not improved over the past couple of months. Jin knew that you and Taehyung had something special; the word love could not describe all the feelings the two of you had for each other. The two of you convinced him soulmates existed.

“Do you want to go home? I understand if this is too much right now,” Jin gently pressed, “I’ll still be here tomorrow if you need today.” His hand slid across the table to where your hands fisted, tenderly smoothing his thumb over your tense knuckles. Wordlessly you nodded. You began your day hopeful but now all you were was overwhelmed.

Jin's gaze lingered on you as you got up and exited the café without a goodbye. You were not ready for him today but he was determined to help you get back on your feet soon. He wouldn’t leave you like this, he couldn’t, not when you were special to him.

The next few weeks consisted of slow improvements.

After failing to genuinely speak to another human being you asked your boss for another two months out of the office. While she was hesitant to allow it, the desperation in your emails convinced her to say yes. Since then Jin had gradually maneuvered into your daily life.

One day he came knocking, asking if he could come in to clean. It took a short argument before you allowed him inside. You felt terrible, disgusted even, because of the state of your apartment. You couldn’t bring yourself to clean it. Jin had simply said, “You need this and I am going to do it for you because I care.”

You watched him from the bed, ashamed that even as he cruised around the apartment you couldn’t help. A weight on your shoulders prevented you. Jin did not speak another word to you that day; silently loading the washer with the clothes that scattered the floor, picking up the random trash littering your space, and washing the dishes that piled up in your kitchen.

Jin didn’t even say goodbye to you as he quietly left the apartment, taking two full trash bags out with him. When you left the bed after he left you examined his work. It wasn’t spotless but it was the cleanest it has been since the day Taehyung died. You appreciated Jin’s gesture and made a promise to him and yourself that you would try and keep it clean. Your heart felt a little lighter that day.

The next time Jin invaded your space he brought food with him. It wasn’t the same old take out that made up your diet as of late but a cozy home-cooked meal. The dish wasn’t your favorite but the action was enough for the knot in your chest to loosen and make your cheeks rosy. Every day since the café, Jin made a considerable effort to connect with you, even if all it only was a good morning and goodnight text. To say you were grateful was an understatement. The more he reached out the more you returned and soon enough you craved his presence. With him, life became easier. It almost balanced out the longing you felt from the cold caresses you felt daily since the time in front of the café.

The touches started off light, leaving you to doubt they even existed, then they got stronger and stronger each day. From the feeling of a cool hand against your neck to the sensation of fingers threading through yours. One night, when it was hard to find sleep, you swore your hair moved as if someone was playing with it. Whatever it was, it helped you fall asleep and every other night you could fall asleep.

Whatever it was only scared you at the beginning. The day you met up with Jin was overwhelming in a lot of ways and the phantom encouragement did not help. The first few times it happened since then you flinched away, only to soon relax and find comfort in the cold.

The nostalgia in the invisible force was powerful, all-consuming. Whenever you felt its presence it felt like someone wrapped you in the fluffiest blanket and sat you in front of a fireplace. You started feeling warmth in the coldest touch.

You wanted to tell Jin, you really did, but you were afraid of what he would think. You almost felt normal, that things were going to be okay. Jin was proud of you and your improvements. You tell from the way he smiled when you cooked him instead or when you willingly wandered around the city with him, no destination in mind. You were afraid that the mere mention of a ghostly caress against your cheek would bring back the worry in his eyes. You did not want to lose the admiration you could see in his eyes.

Inch by inch your life was returning to a new normal. He wasn’t with you anymore but Jin slowly filled the giant hole in your heart, along with the phantom whose touch reminded you of him. It's almost like he never left.

Still being in love with someone who was dead hurt a lot. Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked down at the picture taken on your second anniversary. It was almost a year since his death and you felt the need to look through the pictures you carefully tucked away in your apartment and your memory.

Furiously rubbing your eyes, too stubborn to let any tears fall, you dropped the frame on the kitchen counter. It was too painful to look at. Why did you think this was a good idea, right before the anniversary of his death? It felt like all your hard work, building up your confidence, and mending the tear in your heart, was all for nothing. You would never stop loving him. What was the point of moving on?

At that moment you felt so alone, more alone than at Taehyung’s actual funeral. Your arms circled around yourself, attempting to bring yourself some comfort. The apartment felt so cold without him.

The phantom touch you have come to crave snaked around you, resting on top of your arms. The isolated breeze whipped around making you shudder, an invisible weight laid on your shoulder. You never got used to how the cold warmed your heart. It didn’t matter anymore, especially at this moment, the touch was comforting and that’s all you needed to finally let your tears fall, the dam breaking.

Minutes passed as you cried hard in the cool embrace. Ugly sobs wracked your body leaving you weak. You would have dropped to your knees if it wasn’t for the invisible hold on your body.

Soon the familiar fire burned in your chest, coaxing you down till the cries turned into quiet hiccups, then silence. Only the sound of your occasional sniffle and beating heart filled the room. Still standing, your eyelids drooped down from exhaustion. Sleep would take over any minute now but you didn’t want the cold arms around you to leave. Deep down you knew they weren’t going away anytime soon but that didn’t stop you from fearing this would be the last time you felt this comfort.

Taehyung’s heart broke watching you cry. He knew that the closer his death date approached the more fragile you would become. That is why he had grown bolder in the ways he touched you, from kissing your eyelids while you tried to sleep to mischievously tapping you hard to give you a quick fright. He realized it was cruel the first couple times he did it but how else would he convey his silly side to you.

Holding you now like this took the most effort he’s ever had to exert; with the kisses and caresses, he didn’t have to support you. It took a lot of energy to do this but listening to your sobs die down to a whisper made it worth it. Taehyung’s eyes snapped down to your face, hearing a light snore coming out of your parted mouth. You had fallen asleep in his arms. It brought a soft smile to his face which was quickly replaced by dread. He did not know how long he could maintain this.

Your unconscious body leaned further into the cold, the familiar feeling of Taehyung’s grasp. It was cruel how much the cold felt like him but your body did not care, continuing to lean back into nothing. The soles of your feet lifted as the last of Taehyung’s energy faded. He sharply inhaled as your body fell straight through his incorporeal body.

You woke with a thud, groaning against the floor. You slowly pried your eyes open, disoriented from the fall and quick nap. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you leaned against the counter from your position on the floor. You were emotionally exhausted. You let out a defeated sigh, bringing your arms around you once more. Sleep did not find you again that night as you silently gazed out the large apartment window till the sun came up.

The door of your apartment slammed shut, jolting you awake from your position over your now soggy cereal. You knew who it was, there was no one else in your life that was close enough to you to earn the extra key to your apartment. As soon as you gifted it to him Jin took it as an invitation to visit you unannounced at any time.

The sound of dangling keys drew your attention to Jin’s face. It was no secret that your friend was attractive, hell, he brought it up all the time. As the two of you grew closer that turned more into an inside joke. He looked at you expectantly, waiting for some kind of greeting, but your mind was solely focused on the way his white shirt exposed his prominent collarbone. That singular focus shifting to gaze at his beauty in full; broad shoulders, plump pouty lips, strong le–

“Get up! Come on, we are going out today” Jin commanded, breaking you from your shameless adoration of his body.

“What if I don’t want to go out?” you pouted but in reality, you knew you needed to get out. As the anniversary of Taehyung’s death came you became closed off. Jin didn’t blame you for being distant but he didn’t want you falling back into a downward spiral and neither did you. You depended on him a lot more than either of you cared to voice. Jin was a reassuring bright light in your life that filled the holes in your chest, almost all of them. The ghost, you have come to affectionately call it, continued comforting you in a way Jin could not. There was a unique sensation those invisible hands gave you and you wouldn’t trade it for anything right now.

Jin gave you a pointed look “I am not taking a ‘no’ for an answer. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day and you need some vitamin D– you look like a ghost.” He raised an eyebrow, daring you to argue with him. Rolling your eyes in response, you got off of the chair, not in the mood to argue because you knew he was right. Secretly, you liked being dragged out by him, you needed that little extra motivation.

“Lemme just get changed. Where are we going?”

“That’s a surprise,” Jin smirked, “Just wear something casual, and don’t worry about it.”

You grimaced. You hated surprises and uncertainty; if you could have one superpower it would be to predict the future. Jin caved a little, seeing the look on your face, “I promise you it will be a good day. Trust me.”

A kindhearted smile replaced his mischievous one, it made you trust him. He knows how much you had grieved the past couple of weeks, he would not take you anywhere that would trigger any upsetting memories.

At least that’s what you thought.

Swarms of excited children followed by tired parents, groups of teenage friends, and young couples crowded the entrance of the city’s annual Summer’s Eve fair. Eyes locked onto the giant banner, which had not changed since the first year this festival ran, making you shiver. Was it really a good idea; spending the day at the same place you and Tae had your first kiss, the same place where you and Tae celebrated your second anniversary? Did Jin not know?

“I– I don’t know about this Jin. Can we go somewhere else?” your voice wavered. You wanted to be strong but this was a line you were not sure you were ready to cross.

Jin did not want to take you anywhere else. While it may have been cruel to bring you here, right after the anniversary of Taehyung's death, he wanted to elicit a reaction out of you. Either you would break down and release needed emotions, or you would remember all the memories of him and see it's okay to enjoy life again. It didn't matter to him what reaction you would have. The fair had been one of your all-time favorite events of the year and Jin thought it could bring some of your old life back.

"It's okay y/n," Jin comforted you, giving your shoulder a quick squeeze, "We don't have to stay if you really don't want to but I think it could be..." He looked up to the sky as he searched for the right word, "...therapeutic?"

You stared at him with large eyes, the thought of bolting was tempting but the hopeful and encouraging smile on Jin’s face had you second-guessing. Jin cared for you; he has been your lifeline for the past couple of months, he would not have put you in this situation if he thought coming to the fair was not beneficial for you.

Jin understood you more than you could ever know and he had been the best thing in your life since Tae. You needed to trust him. You wanted to trust him.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath to ready yourself. "Okay," you exhaled, "Let's go then." Jin beamed at you and you returned a hesitant one. You trusted him, deep down you felt safe with him.

"Alright then, games and rides are on me. What do you want to do first?"

You gazed around through the crowds of people until you spotted a familiar game. A small but enthusiastic smile grew on your face, you turned and grabbed Jin's hand, "Let's go to that one first."

"Balloon darts it is, come on." Jin pulled you towards the station with your hand in his, slowly intertwining both of your fingers together. "I cannot wait to beat you."

"Please, you're the one that's going to be a sore loser, not me."

"I can't believe you actually beat me? Again!"

Jin turned to you with an exasperated expression, a water gun still in hand, and a balloon unsuccessfully popped. "How are you so good at all these games? It is unfair."

You twirled the water gun in your hand, blowing at the nozzle as if smoke was coming out, “I am just that good. I’ve got that eagle eye.” You dramatically squinted one eye to further your point.

Jin chuckled at your antics, walking alongside you with his arm resting on your shoulders. “Come on Buffalo Bill, let’s go on some rides.”

“Alright, alright,” you gazed around the fair, dodging oblivious kids and frantic parents following after them.

“I want to go on that ride.”

“Oh my god. I thought that I was going to die,” Jin huffed, holding onto your shoulders as he steadied himself. “I am never doing that again.”

You giggled at his declaration. “You were the one that suggested that ride,” you shrugged, “It’s not my fault you couldn’t handle it.” A sly grin plastered on your face seeing his exasperated one.

“I did not suggest this one— YOU dragged me onto it.” Jin’s eyes were wide open, not believing your words.

“I don’t know I think you could have stopped me if you were really that afraid.”

Jin rolled his eyes and gathered himself to take one more deep breath, “Okay y/n,” Jin grabbed your hand, “It’s my turn to pick the next ride.” His eyes set on the Ferris wheel at the back of the fair, unnoticed by you. You fell in step with him, a small genuine smile resting on your face. It has been so long since you felt this at peace. It surprised you that even at the place you cherished most with Taehyung, Jin was able to fill your heart with some happiness. Even as you thought of Taehyung throughout the day, all the thoughts were fond and nostalgic. It was a bittersweet feeling but you were not sad or mourning at the moment.

“Hey y/n? Y/N!” You shook your head, focusing on the large hand waving in front of you. “Huh? Sorry?”

Jin’s concerned face stopped in front of you, “Are you okay?”

Your eyes met his, a content smile on your face, “I actually haven’t been this at ease in a long time. Thank you, Jin.”

The corner of his mouth pulled as he squeezed your hand, “You’re welcome.”

The two of you stood there, in the middle of the walkway, as people rushed by you. It didn’t matter that someone knocked into your shoulder, grumbling at you to move out of the way. The only thing you cared about right now was how the colorful lights of the surrounding rides and booths reflected into his eyes. It was beautiful and mesmerizing.

Jin was staring at you with equal intensity, lost in the way your eyes crinkled on the ends at you smiled at him. He could not remember the last time he saw that smile and it made him adore you more than he already did.

The two of you could have stayed in your little bubble all night if an especially rude teenager shoved you out of his way. You stumbled into Jin, breaking eye contact with him and with it the spell that you were trapped under.

“Uh– I– Sorry,” you rush out, stepping away from him and releasing his hand.

Jin cleared his throat, “No, it’s– uhm– all good. Don’t worry about it.” He reached up, rubbing the back of his neck. He hoped you didn’t notice the extreme blush he knew he was sporting on his neck and ears. The first awkward silence that night fell between you.

“Anyway…” you tried to break the silence, “What do you want to do now?”

An uncharacteristic nervous smile appeared on Jin’s face, “I know it’s cliché or whatever but how about the Ferris wheel? We don’t have much time left before the fair shuts down for the night. Plus, I think the view of the city must be really pretty at night.”

Without much of a second of hesitation, you were grabbing Jin’s hand again and dragging him towards the Ferris wheel. It made you nervous, like when you first realized you were at the fair, but you wanted desperately to push past it. You were here with Jin, not Taehyung. It didn’t matter if the Ferris wheel is where you and Tae shared your first kiss at the top like you were in a romantic comedy. Jin was here, not Taehyung.

The two of you remained silent; while waiting in line, while handing your tickets to the attendant, while sitting in the carriage, so close that your shoulders and knees knocked together. It was completely silent between the two of you until you reached the top. Your eyes widened as you took in the beautiful cityscape around you. The twinkling blurry lights of the surrounding buildings reminded you of the stars you longed to see in the sky. It had been hard to see the stars bright enough in the night since moving to the city and you missed them.

“Wow,” you pressed your face against the glass, “You were really not kidding were you, Jin? This is amazing. I can’t believe I haven’t seen the city like this before,” you gushed.

Jin watched as your smile lit up, his heart warmed at the sight of you so happy.

“Hey y/n? I am really proud of you.”

The softness of Jin’s voice pulled you away from the window to look back at him. Your heart clenched at the adoration you saw in his expression. You turned fully back towards him, taking his hands in your lap, silently urging him to continue. “I just want you to know that I am so proud of you. You have been through so much in the past year or so, and here you are—” he tightened his hands around yours, “getting all happy at the sight of city lights like your heart isn’t weighed down anymore. I know you’re nowhere close to being totally okay if you’ll ever be totally okay, but seeing you right now, happy, makes me so proud of you.”

You watched as Jin’s eyes glistened at his confession. Trailing your gaze back to your conjoined hands, you laced your fingers together. “Well…that’s because of you, Jin.” You brought your eyes back to his, your own tears threatening to spill. “You have helped me so much. Without you, I’d probably still be wasting away in my apartment, eating enough to barely survive.”

You hiccupped, smiling through the few tears that did escape, “You brought the life back into me. I’ll never be able to repay you. I am so grateful you are my friend.”

The two of you were so caught in your own emotions that you didn’t even notice how close you two had gotten; your thighs pressed against his, shoulders grazing each other, his warm breath fanning over your face. For the second time that night, you stared into his eyes, mesmerized by the reflecting lights in them. Before you realize it, Jin starts to lean in and so do you.

Your eyes fluttered shut, waiting for the feel of Jin’s lips on yours when what you felt was like two bricks of ice on your shoulders yanked you back.

You leaned back on your hands, eyes wide as you looked at Jin, who was staring back at you like he couldn’t believe what almost happened. You tried to control your breathing as you asked yourself: What was that?

“I– I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean—” Jin cut himself off, tearing his gaze away from you, “I’m sorry.”

The ride lurched forward, propelling the carriage down, ending your time on the ride with Jin. He mumbled how he was sorry again, offering to take you back home right now. You nodded, not knowing what else you could say at that moment. You were still reeling, trying to figure out if you were crazy or not. It definitely felt as if someone grabbed you but obviously no one else was there? Right?

The two of you headed towards the exit, the crowds already thinning because of how late it was. You trailed behind Jin, not daring to fall in step next to him like earlier in the day. The car ride back was bathed in awkward silence. It had never been this uncomfortable being with Jin, even when he first came back into your life. The only words leaving his mouth was a whisper of goodnight as he left you at the front door of your apartment.

You wished you said something, anything that would bring back the ease you felt with him but you didn’t have the words. You were unable to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault because you didn’t know whose fault it was. Your mind was racing; was it the same thing as the cold breeze you always felt? It felt much more intense than you ever remember it feeling.

All you knew is that as you sat on your kitchen floor, the same position as you cried yourself asleep not too long ago, longing for someone other than Taehyung, wishing the night had ended differently.

Taehyung's glare could kill as he watched Jin drop you off at the apartment. Jin had blatantly flirted with you the entire day, at the same place he had done years prior. That was the final straw for him.

When he saw you two on the Ferris wheel, in his spot, leaning towards each other for a kiss, something in him broke. He lunged for you, desperate to stop the kiss before it even happened. He wasn’t thinking straight, he just needed for Jin to get away from you.

The plan worked, if you could even call it a plan, and your little date with Jin came to a crashing end. Taehyung thought it was a success but seeing you sitting there on the ground confused got him thinking again. You knew a comforting presence surrounded you, that much he could tell when you would relax under his touch, but why haven't you connected the dots that it was him? It had been over a year and the desperation he felt months prior was heating up to a boiling point.

He had hugged you, caressed and kissed your face, supported your whole body weight even. He had to do something more. Energy thrummed through his body more so than ever before in all the attempts to get you to recognize him. He felt it in his bones that it would be different tonight.

His eyes snapped to you, hearing you sigh. You willed yourself up, resigning to try and sleep today off, and talk to Jin about everything tomorrow. He deserved to know that the night ended in ruin was not his fault. You were slowly dragging your feet across the floor, heading towards the bathroom, when you felt it. A cool breeze against your neck.

You froze in your spot. Fervent cold kisses pressed against your exposed shoulder, causing you to shudder. There was the phantom touch again, it was comforting like always. It was as if it knew when you needed it. However, this time was different. Accompanying the cold pecks was a buzz of electricity, nothing that shocks you but something that lightly warms you up. You close your eyes, reveling in the touch.

Like similar times before this, you try to remember where the familiar feeling came from. The sensations on your neck slowly became less and less abstract as they start feeling more than just cold spots. The touch formed into something you knew, lips.

You gasp, eyes flying open. Your heartbeat raced as you stared through the open bathroom door at the mirror on the wall. Taehyung.

You couldn’t blink, you couldn’t move a muscle worried that he would disappear at the twitch of a finger. Taehyung, clear as day, was in the mirror attacking your neck with his lips. You shuddered and let out a quiet moan, Tae.

Taehyung immediately stopped, hearing his name. He looked up and your eyes met, the first time you saw his eyes alive since the accident. It seemed as if time stopped as you two stared at each other in the mirror. Your eyes held disbelief while he willed every single emotion he’s had since his death to shine in his gaze. He wanted you to know everything he was feeling because he doubted that he would be able to convey those emotions in words.

Your astonished façade broke, “Taehyung?” you cried out.

He immediately turned you around in his arms and slammed his lips onto yours. Your eyes had screwed shut before turning around in fear he wouldn’t be standing there with you like how you saw in the mirror. The feeling of his hands encasing your wrists felt as real as his lips as they molded against yours. The feeling was euphoric. The crackling of embers burned in the pit of your stomach and the fire grew throughout your body until the cold feeling of his lips was replaced by familiar warmth.

You could not believe this was happening. There was no way this was a dream. It– He felt too real for it to be a dream. All you could do was kiss him back with as much passion as you could muster because you wanted him to know that you still loved him, with everything you had.

The kiss was sloppy as both of you were just desperate to get enough of each other before it was too late. Taehyung let go of your wrists to rest them on the sides of your face, pulling you closer to him. Your hands move to his neck, frantic to touch him as much as you could because he was real, in front of you right now.

The initial spark, the buzz Taehyung felt earlier started to wane. He furrowed his eyebrows, he needs more time. He knew he didn’t have much time left like this, his energy was running low. With great force, he pulled away from your mouth, only to pepper kisses all over your face willing you to remember what they felt like. His body trembled as he pressed one final kiss your forehead and your lips.

And just like that, he vanished, the fire in your body out, like he was blown away with the wind. Your eyes focused straight ahead of you, willing to see him standing in front of you again. Slowly, your fingers grazed your lips. Taehyung. This whole time it was Taehyung. How could you not realize that it was him?

The comfort, the warmth of a fire during a blizzard, the bricks of ice at the fair. It all made sense. It was Taehyung. He didn’t leave you. He never left you.

With that admission hanging in the air, you finally broke down, not with tears of sorrow but tears of joy. He still loved you, you could feel it now, with every caress and every kiss. Relief and excitement ran through your veins as you stood there crying. This could change everything.

Taehyung followed your form as you collapsed onto the bed from exhaustion, not before whispering goodnight to him. He did it. He finally did it. You understood that he never left you, that he still supported and loved you. He should be ecstatic but the smile he wore didn’t reach his eyes.

He didn’t understand. He finally accomplished the goal he had been working towards for a whole year. Something didn’t settle with him and he couldn’t figure it out as he gazed at you in deep sleep. He tried to shake it off and ignore it for now. All he wanted to right now was to lay beside you and bask in your presence because even though you had a nagging feeling in the back of his head he had accomplished his goal. You knew he was around and still loved you, and that was enough for now.

“I am telling you Jin– Taehyung kissed me. I know it was him. I can’t believe I didn’t realize the entire time the ghost was him. How could I have been so dense? But all I know is that Taehyung touched me, kissed me.”

Jin’s eyes widened at the sound of his best friend’s name as the two of you sat silently on a park bench. You had repeatedly called and messaged him, asking to meet up. Now he knew your excitement was about him, it was always about him. Even after over a year, he was still at the forefront of your mind. How was he supposed to compete with someone dead? Would you ever move on? Would you ever think of something more? He thought the day at the fair meant something more to you than just a friendly day out. He wanted it to mean more to you. Was the almost-kiss nothing?

Still, as you gushed over your late fiancé, he couldn’t help the somber smile that settled onto his face. You were smiling and giggling, recounting all the times Taehyung’s ghostly presence comforted you and held you. Your smile was all he really desired. So, he sat back and listened, enjoying the bright light in your eyes as you spoke about the ghost who has haunted you since his death.

“You have to–“

“I believe you,” Jin cut you off, “I haven’t seen you this excited since the day of your engagement.” His smile fell. “What are you going to do about it though? It’s not like Taehyung can actually be here for you in all the ways you need it.”

Taehyung never was the type to resort to violence but the moment your excited rambling ceased at Jin’s words he wanted to punch the shit out of him. He couldn’t follow through with it even if he actually could touch you, because Jin was right.

He wouldn’t be there for you. He wouldn’t be there to whisper sweet nothings into your ear when life got rough. He wouldn’t be there to tell you how proud he was of you when you received a promotion. He was just a ghost. A being that didn’t exist in the physical world. He loved you so much. So much so he forgot the chasm that separated the two of you.

Taehyung foolishly believed that his love could conquer death. How could it? Love stronger than death existed but not in the way in fairytales where he could be magically brought back to life with a spell or a kiss from his true love. There was nothing, no magic spell, no higher power to pray to, that would bring him back, back into your arms.

Taehyung realized at that moment he had to let you go.

It should not have been hard. He died but something kept him here. He always thought it was his love for you that kept him on Earth but maybe, maybe his purpose was to help you move on, not bring back memories and feelings you would never feel again with him.

He needed to let go of the only warmth left in his soul…for you.

Despite you and Jin sitting on a park bench, in a crowded park, in the middle of the city, it was silent. Your mind zeroing in on the words that had just come out of your friend’s mouth. Jin’s question wasn’t unreasonable, all it did was bring reality crashing back into your head. Tae was a ghost, spirit, or whatever energy he manifested. He was no longer alive, no longer a human being walking on the same physical plane as you. No matter how much love there was to try and cheat it.

You gazed into Jin’s eyes. You felt all the concern, all the worry he hid for your sake. “Jin– I–“ You huffed frustrated, casting your eyes downwards to the hands in your lap, “You’re right, you’re right. Even if it was really him there’s no point to hope. What is there to hope for anyway? He’s not going to materialize in front of me if I miss him enough.”

Your hands shot up to cover your face as you tried to hold in a sob. You missed Taehyung so much.

“Hey, hey, I didn’t say that to make you upset. I’m sorry,” Jin gently pried your hands away from your face, holding onto them, and gazed into your teary eyes, “It’s an amazing thing you know? Knowing that there is something after death and he is watching over you.” Jin brought a calloused hand towards your face, brushing away the tears that escaped.

“There is nothing wrong in still loving him, still continuing to love him. He’ll always occupy a part of your heart even as you learn to move on. It’s okay.”

Jin was so close. You could see the glisten of sweat on the bridge of his nose and the bow of his lips from the hot day, the slight furrow of his eyebrows, the flush of his cheeks, the reflection of your eyes in his.

Your heart ached, staring at him. So many familiar emotions bubbled up to the surface. Jin was there when you literally couldn’t leave the bed. Jin was there when you needed a shoulder to cry on, the only one you let see your tears since Taehyung died. Jin was there when you laughed for the first time since the accident, caused by one of his infamous dad jokes. Jin was there the first time you felt Taehyung, the coldest warmth. Jin had been there for you and he was still here listening to you cry about a boy that had been gone for almost two years now. Still here even after you rejected his advance earlier at the fair.

Your eyes flickered to his lips, then back to his eyes, and all at once you realized Jin loved you the same way Taehyung did, in all your grieving mess, he loved you. You cared for Jin too, it wasn’t as strong as love, at least not yet. You wanted to show Jin how much you cared for him.

That’s when you felt it. A cold hand guiding your lips toward his.

The kiss was chaste and quick, you afraid of crossing a line. Shyly looking up at Jin through your eyelashes, you waited for a sign, anything that said he wanted this right now. Jin’s eyes were wide, mouth slightly ajar not believing that you were the one to kiss him first.

“It’s okay,” you whispered against his lips, “I want this.”

“But– you just– you,” Jin stuttered out. He couldn’t believe that this was the same person just 10 minutes ago raving about a phantom kiss from their dead partner.

“I know,” you murmured, face still close to his as your hands rose to rest at the nape of his neck, “I know but it’s you who I want right now.” His eyes locked with yours, the intensity raising the already pounding beat of your heart. You hoped you could convey how sincere you were. It wasn’t love yet but you had intense feelings for Jin, and with Taehyung’s blessing, you wanted Jin’s lips on yours.

“Please…” you sigh, softly brushing your nose against his, desperate to close the small distances between your mouths.

That seemed to be the final push he needed before Jin connected to his lips to yours. Your eyes fluttered shut. The feeling was electric, the buzz spreading from where you two connected filling you up all the way to your toes. Jin reached up; one hand cupping your face, thumb caressing your cheekbone, the other resting on the side of your neck. You pulled him closer to you, deepening the kiss.

Jin’s soft pillowy lips worked hard against yours. The kiss was sweet and careful as if Jin was afraid he was just dreaming and you would run away at any second. Your hands traveled to the nape of his neck, playing with the hair there. The buzz settled and left an intense warm feeling, different from what you felt with Taehyung. It was as if you were swimming in the heat of the sun, while Taehyung’s felt like a comforting fire amid winter.

You couldn’t help the bright smile creep on your face as you kissed Jin back with even more need, hoping he could feel your happiness through your actions. Jin matched your smile, teeth clashing for a moment, relieved that this wasn’t a mistake or a dream.

The two of you broke apart, panting heavily as you caught your breath.

You let your forehead drop against his, closing your eyes. The emotions dancing around in your chest were overwhelming. So many thoughts ran through your head but the one prevailing emotion, that outshined the rest, was euphoria. Nothing could compare to Jin’s kiss except for the familiar elation that you felt when you had your first kiss with Taehyung but that didn’t matter anymore. This was the last time you were going to compare Jin and Taehyung together, the only two men that have captured your heart.

You would sort out your emotions more clearly later, all you wanted right now was to focus on the fast but comforting tempo of Jin’s heartbeat as you cuddled into his chest.

It took almost a full year after your first kiss with Jin to make things official. You still had a lot of healing to do and he was ever so patient with you. That fateful kiss helped you realize Jin could be the new happiness, the new light in your life. You had to thank Taehyung for that.

Without his blessing, you were sure you would have never moved on. It brought a bittersweet smile to your face every time you thought about him but as Jin said about a year ago there is nothing wrong in still loving him. You still loved Taehyung, you always would. He owned a part of your heart forever. Loving Jin allowed you to grow, to blossom into something different but still you.

“Babe? Are you almost done in there? We have to leave in the next ten minutes if we don’t want to be late.”

You looked back at Jin through the mirror you faced as you got ready. Tonight was date night and the two of you were traveling outside the city to a drive-in movie theater, where you hoped to see stars in the night sky. You were ecstatic. “Just give me another minute, I am almost done,” you beamed, drying the last section of wet hair, “I refuse to get a cold.”

Jin chuckled, turning away and heading back to the kitchen. You finished drying your hair and stopped to study your reflection in the steamy mirror. The dark circles you thought would be a permanent feature on your face had disappeared, the color in your cheeks was back to their naturally rosy state, the smile on your face was genuine. You looked happy.

Taking a deep breath you turned to head out with Jin when something in the mirror caught your eye. In the still steamy mirror, in the bottom corner, a small shape was drawn. A heart.

You teared up, glancing around the empty bathroom, “I love you too,” you whispered. With one last sweet smile, you finally turned and left the bathroom, calling after Jin.

Taehyung watched from the bathroom as you and Jin wrapped your arms around each other, heading out with soft smiles. A bittersweet feeling ached in his chest. He fulfilled his purpose, his goal ever since you recognized his touch for the first time two and a half years ago. The bright smile was on your face and you were happy. You still loved him and he still loved you, and you knew it still after he couldn’t form the words to say it.

All Taehyung had to do was to wait for the sweet oblivion to take him as you moved on from him. He was ready; happy that you would always love him and remember him. He was ready to fade away, content to live in your loving memory.

~please give me that sweet good feedback, i’d really appreciate it~

#bts taehyung x reader #bts seokjin x reader #btsghostie #btsghostiebingo #taehyung x reader #seokjin x reader #bts fanfic #bts ghost au #kth #ksj #bts oneshot #bts angst

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a-libra-writes · 5 years ago

Text

Salt & Snow - Chapter 1

Ships: Ned Stark x Reader, Brandon Stark x Reader

Summary: The only daughter of House Caspian, close allies of House Stark, visits Winterfell with her family and meets the four interesting children that live in the great castle. Childish shenanigans and silliness ensues.

Hi everyone!! Im gonna give a short fanfic series a try! ;w; I haven’t done this in years lol, and I’m a little proud of this. I think it’ll be around 6~10 chapters? I don’t want it to be long! (yes I am working on other requests i promise hahaha this just got away from me~)

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The cold air hit her cheeks, and the only reaction she could give was delight. Normally she was scolding her little brother for throwing open the window to their carriage, but now she could only climb over him as she gazed out. The brilliant castle was in sight, and there was a sea of colorful banners all around it. She couldn’t imagine so many people in one place, all trying to fit into Winterfell. Even if it was a grand castle, how could it fit so many men and horses?

Her uncle leaned over her and her brother, chuckling at their starry-eyed expressions. “No leaning out the window. You’ll be there soon enough.”

Y/N recalled a time when her uncle let her lean over the bow of a ship to gaze at dolphins, but this didn’t seem a good time to remind him. It was hard to care about dolphins when she was so far from the sea, anyway. “Uncle, will there be room for us?”

“Of course, sweetling. Your father is a good friend of Lord Stark, remember? Do you remember the last time you were here?”

She shook her head, and so did her little brother, which was silly. He probably wasn’t even born then. Her father often mentioned Lord Stark and the great castle that was Winterfell. Supposedly he’d taken her twice, but they were such faint memories. Today was like seeing it for the first time.

“You were even smaller then, so I’m not surprised. I hope you two will behave yourselves while you’re here. Don’t make me write to your Lady Mother.”

At the mention of her, Y/N and her brother nodded again, except with more seriousness… Well, Y/N took it seriously, but Willam was already clambering back to the window. She felt her excitement begin to dwindle as she thought about her mother lecturing her over whatever thing she failed at, probably a botched courtesy. Her Lady Mother never lectured Willam when he ran through the horse stalls or wrestled in mud with the other boys.

Y/N patted at the neat braid at her shoulder, suddenly worried it was out of place. Her uncle would never lecture her about it being messy, but now she was thinking about it. She smiled at the shiny thread woven through the braid, and the pretty pearl at the end of it. Her father gave it to her. She wished he was here too, but he was riding on his huge black stallion ahead of their carriage. Uncle said Lord Stark gave him the beautiful horse. Y/N was wary of horses, but she liked that one.

Finally the carriage slowed to a crawl and made its way to the gates of Winterfell. Y/N gaped with her brother; it was so huge compared to their modest keep at Ramsgate. Y/N loved her family’s home, but it was like comparing a village to White Harbor. Her brother was bouncing like a proper five year old, tugging on her cerulean sleeves and pointing. “Look, look! A doggy!”

Huge banners flew on top of the parapets and unfurled on the walls. They were a brilliant white, and the creature running across them was as grey as the castle walls. She shook her head. “That’s a direwolf.”

Sometimes Willam looked at her as though she were a genius, which was a nice feeling. She pulled her rowdy brother into her arms and was pleased when he didn’t fight her. The banners and armored men on horses captured all of his attention. She used the distraction to untangle his hair and smooth out his tunic.

She was surprised when her uncle patted her shoulder approvingly, but it was a welcome gesture. The carriage had stopped, and she saw the black, teal and navy banners of their House passing the open window. She tried to be the calm lady, but she was feeling as bouncy as Willam.

Uncle Cole exited the carriage and opened the door for them on the other side. Y/N kept an iron grip on Willam so he didn’t just roll out and fall on his face; her Uncle picked the boy up and set him on his feet, then promptly held his collar so he didn’t go running off. With his other free hand, he helped Y/N down. She lifted her skirts and exited with much more grace.

Y/N looked over her dress, hoping it wasn’t too rumpled from the journey. Her Uncle said she could wear something comfortable for the trip and change into something nicer that evening, but Y/N was too excited to have a proper, real lady’s gown. She wore the beautiful blue and green of the sea, with beautiful little embroidered manta rays. They were her favorite part, and when she walked, her long sleeves swayed and made them look like they were swimming. With the threaded pearl in her hair, Y/N felt much older and more important than her eight years. She would be nine in a few months, and then ten, and by then she was nearly grown. Her lady mother said something to that effect, anyway.

She kept her skirts lifted as she walked through the yard and spotted her father. She would not run to him, because she was a lady, but she did allow herself a little happy skip. She thought he would pick her up like he always did, but his hands were dirty from riding, so she settled for his laughter.

“I’m sweating like a hog in summer, and my girl is fresh as a winter rose! That dress is lovely, Y/N. I know your mother would be proud.”

Y/N wondered about that. She was disappointed her mother was missing such a great harvest feast. “Maybe she should have come, father. What if she’s lonely?”

“Sweetling, the journey is too much for her right now, and she isn’t alone. She has your new brother, remember? He’s too young to leave, too, and she’d hate to leave him alone. Wouldn’t you?”

Y/N wasn’t sure how she felt about her baby brother. She hadn’t even had a chance to see him, but she remembered how her mother screamed when he came into the world, and it wasn’t a pleasant thought. The Maester said she was still bedridden, and she heard the washerwomen whispering about her condition. Willam was hard, they said, that’s why Lady Talia didn’t have a child for so long.

So why did she have another? She already has me and Willam. Y/N had asked the Maester, but he simply corrected her grammar and turned her attention to her studies.

It wouldn’t do to be unsure and gloomy today, not when they were in a grand new place and her father was beaming like she’d never seen before. “Can I write to her?”

“She would love that. Tell her all the details, don’t leave anything out.” When he laughed, his beard moved with him. Compared to other Northmen, her father’s was trim, and she liked that. He didn’t look old like the Maester or the horse master. “Little Y/N, do you remember the last time you were at Winterfell?”

“No.”

“Just so, you were barely to my knee, and Willam was still in your mother’s stomach. Do you remember their children?”

She knew the Starks had children, naturally, her parents and other adults mentioned them before. Y/N felt embarrassed she couldn’t recall any names, though. “No …”

“That’s fine, dear, it was a long time ago, and you weren’t here for very long. They have a girl your age, named Lyanna. You can play with her while you’re here. Their boys are too old for Willam, but I know you’ll get on well with them.”

It sounded like Y/N didn’t have much of a choice in playing with Lyanna or being nice to her brothers, but she didn’t mind meeting new children. Lord Manderly had no daughters to play with, only his two sons, and they were older and often annoyed her. One of her father’s men had a daughter, but she was younger and prone to crying at the drop of a pin. Y/N hoped Lyanna wasn’t like that.

She followed her father and uncle to the great hall of Winterfell, holding her brother’s hand firmly so he’d follow along. He was stopping and staring at everything, which she wanted to do too, but she was interested in seeing the hall and the Starks. It wasn’t nearly as crowded as she thought it would be when they entered, and gazing upon the banners hung up in the hall, Y/N realized they were one of the first families brought in.

Before her was the tallest man she’d ever seen. Her father was tall, she thought, he was bigger than the master-at-arms and her Uncle, but this one slapped her father on the back so hard she thought he hurt him. He had a great beard, too, and long black hair that was like the night. Beside him was a woman in beautiful white and grey silks, with hair so soft and brown, Y/N instantly thought of chocolate.

While her father and uncle loudly greeted the man, it was the woman who stepped toward her. Beside her were two children: A girl slightly taller than Y/N, and a boy slightly shorter. The girl looked just like the woman, down to her pretty brown hair and big grey eyes. She wore a lovely sky-blue dress that was simpler than Y/N’s, but she also had a braid that was tied back with a blue rose. The boy had long black hair that stuck up in a few directions and the same grey eyes. He wasn’t hiding his curiosity, and nor was his sister.

The woman bowed her head slightly, and Y/N attempted a curtsy while still holding her brother’s hand. “Lady Stark,” Y/N said, hastily trying to recall what she was taught. “It’s good to meet you. Thank you for having my family.”

“The pleasure is mine, dear,” Lady Stark said. She had a nice smile, and her steady voice reminded Y/N of her Lady Mother when visitors came. It was a comforting sound. Her daughter wasted little time in doing her own curtsy, but her excited words didn’t match the proper gesture.

“My name is Lyanna. What’s your’s?”

“Um, Lady Y/N of House Caspian.”

“I know which one that is,” Lyanna had a big smile. She seemed proud of knowing this, and she pointed to the little white manta rays on Y/N’s sleeves. “Your sigil is a black ray on a blue ocean, with navy waves. Your castle is on a beach!”

“Yes, that’s right,” Y/N held up her sleeve, and Lyanna happily admired it. Willam peered out from behind her skirt, and suddenly Y/N remembered him. “Oh, um, and this is Willam. My Lady Mother and youngest brother couldn’t come. Um, she wishes she could.”

“I wish she could as well, but I am praying for her health.” Lady Stark said. “I’ll look forward to seeing her next year.”

Y/N was about to ask why Lady Stark thought they were visiting next year, but the wild-haired boy took the spot beside Lyanna and spoke up. “I’m Benjen.”

“He’s the youngest,” Lyanna said, then added, “And the shortest.”

“You’re going to be the shortest soon, you know,” Benjen said. He seemed very good-humored. “Father said we’ll all be as tall as him. We’ll be able to put our elbows on your head.”

Lyanna scoffed loudly, and Lady Stark instantly raised an eyebrow. Before she could comment on that little noise, her husband took up Y/N’s entire vision.

He was tall.

Often, Y/N’s father and her uncle crouched on their knees when talking to her, but Lord Stark didn’t bother. He seemed to speak as loudly as the men at arms did when they trained. “Now, look here! You were up to here the last I saw you. Welcome to Winterfell, my lady.”

Y/N tried not to quiver in her own boots. She felt Willam’s little hand squeeze her’s, and she thought it was encouragement, but then she glanced over. The boy was trying to fight his own tears.

She opted to go for her courtesies. “Th-thank you, Lord Stark, you honor me.”

“Hah! Does she always speak so pretty? She’s a darling thing, Gareth. I wish Talia could have made it, but congratulations for your son. We’ll see them next time, I hope. Lyanna, Benjen, why don’t you introduce Y/N to your brothers?”

“I’ll watch Willam.” Uncle Cole said to Y/N before she could say anything about him. She worried her little brother would cry when his uncle took him from her, but she heard Cole say something about a knight and a wolf, and the boy’s eyes were filled with stars instead of tears. Y/N wondered if she was that simple when she was five.

Lyanna was quick to say “Yes, father!” and take Y/N’s hand in place of Willam’s. Before she knew it, Y/N was being dragged out of the great hall and out into the crisp, cold air. Benjen was hot on their heels, the air making his long black hair whip in every direction.

Benjen had a grin in spite of his words. “I thought father was going to make you cry, Y/N.”

“H-he wasn’t!”

“Brandon is pretty scary, too.”

“No, he isn’t. He’s just a big bother.”Lyanna said. “He thinks he knows everything because he’s eleven.”

“Lyanna’s only mad ‘cause he got to go riding this morning, and she had to stay and memorize banners.”

Lyanna made a move to punch his arm, but Benjen easily dodged her. Y/N was surprised she was allowed to move like that in a dress, then she looked down and noticed the hem of it was muddy.

They ran a circle around Y/N, Benjen not even bothering to really run, since Lyanna was hampered by her skirts. She knew it and gave up, tossing them down with frustration. The winter rose was sagging a little in her braid.

Y/N wasn’t sure what to say. “Um … I can meet your other brother, if you want.”

“Oh, Ned! Yes, Ned is better. He’s sweet and treats ladies properly.” Lyanna nodded, pleased with the suggestion.

“How old are you, Y/N?” Benjen asked.

“I’m nine in a few months.”

“Just like me!” Lyanna bounced. “Benjen is only seven!”

The boy wasn’t bothered by this. Instead, he took off running and called back, “Race to the training yard! Winner gets lemon cake!”

“You cheat!” Lyanna was already gathering her skirts and flying off. She whipped her head around, brown hair flying everywhere. “Come on, Y/N! Don’t let him win!”

“Um.” Y/N looked down at the pretty silver thread on her bodice, the little embroidered rays on her sleeves, and the neat hem of her dress. She looked around and, satisfying none of the servants were interested in what she was doing, pulled her skirts up to her calves, where her boots ended. She could run ladylike, couldn’t she? It was alright if her boots got a little dirty, because she could just clean them, right?

Y/N ended up doing something of a trot and skip, which didn’t look nearly as elegant as she pictured. She did her best not to lose sight of the Stark girl, and by the time she ran up to the training yard, she was trying not to huff and puff. Y/N hastily touched her braid and was relieved that the pearl was still there.

Lyanna’s winter rose had flown out at some point, and several strands of hair were in her face. She absently brushed them aside. “There you are, Y/N! Benjen cheated, as usual.”

An older boy was sitting on the fence, lazily swinging his legs. He bit into an apple. “Or you were too slow, as usual.”

“I would be faster if I had my tunic and pants!”

The boy snickered. “Mother would be angry.”

Lyanna had a retort ready, but Benjen waved to Y/N and called her over. “We found the wrong brother. Want to look somewhere else?”

Y/N glanced up at the boy, who wasn’t a real grown-up, but he was still bigger, especially when he sat up on that fence. He had black hair like Benjen, and while it was shorter, it wasn’t much neater. She didn’t like the look on his face, but she bowed anyway. “My name is Lady Y/N.”

“I’m Brandon. I’m going to be Lord of Winterfell.” He said in way of a greeting. He didn’t bother to stop eating his apple, or get off the fence.

Y/N was instantly annoyed.

Lyanna did that scoff again. “Right, he’s going to be an ‘important Lord’, so he’s busy. Let’s go find Ned.”

“He doesn’t want little kids tagging along, either.” Brandon said.

She ignored that. “Where is he, then?”

“How would I know?”

“Ugh. We’ll find him ourselves.”

Suddenly, Brandon asked Y/N, “Do you have a brother?”

“It’s ‘do you have a brother, Lady Y/N,’” Lyanna corrected quickly. “Where’d you leave your manners?”

“Same place you left your’s,” Benjen said easily, and both Brandon and Lyanna ignored that.

“I do have one.” Y/N didn’t like having to crane her neck up at this stupid wall to talk to this boy, even if he was the oldest Stark. “He’s three years younger than me. My other brother is a babe, and back at Ramsgate.”

Brandon huffed, and Y/N didn’t get what the attitude was for. It was Lyanna who explained, “Now that he’s almost good at sword fighting, he wants to fight every lordling that visits. He doesn’t even use a real sword.”

The older boy flushed. “I will soon! What do you know about swords, anyway?”

“I know as much as you, and probably more.”

That made him hop off the fence, and Y/N was dismayed to learn he was still tall without it. “Girls don’t use swords. Father already told you that.”

It was Lyanna’s turn to turn red with anger. Y/N was surprised at how quickly it came, and she wondered if this was a fight they had before.

“I bet I could use a sword and a lance better than you, if I was taught.”

“Well, you aren’t taught, and you won’t be, so you can’t be better.”

Y/N tried to speak. “Um, Lyanna, maybe we can do something else? Let’s walk around Winterfell —”

“Let’s try right now!” Lyanna said, not even hearing Y/N’s words. “I’ll use a stupid wooden sword, just like you. I’ll hit you right between the eyes with it!”

“You couldn’t reach me!” Brandon was yelling like his sister. “And Mother would have your head!”

“Are you going to tell on me? Afraid I’ll win?” Lyanna goaded, and that’s when Benjen tried to speak up.

“Brandon, stop yelling, everyone will hear,” He tried, nudging his older brother’s shoulder, but he was shaken off. Y/N tried to do the same to Lyanna, but the girl was as still as stone and couldn’t be moved. Y/N fretted, thinking of what her Lady Mother would do if she heard about this. She felt it was her fault, and she hated the idea of upsetting her father and the Lord and Lady Stark just hours after she arrived.

“Lyanna,” Y/N tried again to nudge the girl. She tried to hide her distress, but failed. “Come on, let’s go, I want to do something else.”

She looked to Benjen for more support, but the dark-haired boy was distracted. He was waving someone over, someone in the distance. Y/N looked with him — There was no way this person was an adult, and looking closer, Y/N saw he was a boy almost the same size as Brandon, but there was a small sword belted to his waist.

Lyanna stopped her arguing, and Brandon did too, but he was scowling. The new boy had the same soft, dark brown hair that Lady Stark had, and her pretty grey eyes. He said nothing, but Y/N could feel his disapproval.

Lyanna spoke first. “Brandon started it, he says I can’t use a sword and I know if I had one, I’d hit his stupid face —”

“— She’s a girl, and Mother said if she gets into another fight and ruins another gown, she’ll drag all of us by the ears around the yard —”

The new boy just let them talk over each other. When both Lyanna and Brandon saw they weren’t being heard, they huffed at each other. Lyanna crossed her arms.

Finally, the boy said, “We shouldn’t fight today. There’s lots of guests at Winterfell.”

Y/N didn’t expect him to say that, but it sounded like the right thing. To her surprise, Lyanna and Brandon looked equally sullen, as if they agreed.

“Brandon, you were supposed to be meeting guests with Mother and Father … and Lyanna, you already dirtied your dress.”

Lyanna opened her mouth to protest, then looked down at her muddy dress. She touched her hair, as if just noticing what a state it was in. Her mouth closed and she kept her arms crossed.

Brandon was ready to say something as well, but he just pursed his lips and made an annoyed sound. He and his sister glared at each other, but they said nothing. The new boy was giving his siblings a pleading look with those grey eyes.

“Fine,” They both muttered, and Benjen was smiling again. Y/N could feel the relief washing over her. She’d skip over this in her letter.

Lyanna lingered back to Y/N, her cheeks still red. She felt a bit embarrassed for acting like that in front of someone new, so she tried to move past it. “This is Y/N. She’s from the castle by the sea, at Ramsgate. Y/N, this is Ned.”

Y/N smiled and did her curtsy, grateful to the boy for restoring peace. She had a feeling he’d be nice to her, unlike Brandon. “It’s nice to meet you.”

She hadn’t expected him to hastily look down and mumble something. Had he not noticed she was there?

Brandon elbowed him, and Ned looked up, meeting her eyes with his own grey ones. She still liked the look of them, and now they were contrasting against the boy’s red cheeks. “Um. It’s nice to meet you.”

“And?” It was Benjen’s turn to elbow him. Ned frowned at his younger brother, glanced at Y/N, hastily glanced away and added,

“AndwelcometoWinterfell.”

Y/N couldn’t help but smile at that. Lyanna was giggling at her side, and Brandon looked much more relaxed. The air cleared at once, and Lyanna nudged Y/N’s hand before taking it.

“Let me show you around Winterfell, it’s pretty here, even without the ocean. Oh, I know the best place to start!”

“She’s already in the best place,” Brandon said. “The stables are here, too. Let’s show her our horses!”

“I have the prettiest mare,” Lyanna said. “Do you ride? Oh, soon Brandon is going to get a big horse, like the ones knights use in tourneys!”

Brandon beamed, and Y/N was glad the two had something they bonded over. Benjen added, “When you’re done looking at smelly animals, I know the best hiding spots.”

“And the kitchens, they’re making so many pastries for tonight!” Lyanna said.

“What about the top of the castle walls? And the big catapults.”

“The towers, too, especially the haunted one,” Benjen said. “Well, it’s scarier at night.”

Y/N noticed Ned hadn’t added anything to their list of suggestions. He actually seemed a little dismal, and he glanced up at the tall walls that Brandon mentioned.

“Um, Ned, where do you think we should go?” Y/N asked, wanting to include him.

He blushed again, and fiddled with the hem of his tunic. She thought it was odd how he had a little sword at his waist, but Brandon didn’t. “Oh. Um. I don’t know…”

“You’re coming with us,” Lyanna said, although Y/N didn’t think Ned would try to slip away. He looked forlorn about something, she just didn’t know how to ask or what to say. “We have to do as much as possible before you have to leave!”

He has to leave? But where? Is that why he’s so sad? Y/N wanted to ask him, but Ned was shrinking back behind Benjen and Brandon. The latter was already marching to the stables, calling the girls to follow him. Benjen tugged at his older brother’s sleeve to urge him along, just as Lyanna eagerly pulled Y/N.

Lady Stark was doing a very impressive job of managing a smile while fury burned in her eyes.

“Lyanna. Brandon. Benjen.” She said each name with great enunciation, and each child grimaced as their name was said. “To the baths. Now.”

None of them protested. Lyanna’s hair had long fallen out of its braid and her dress had a motley of grime on it. Brandon’s arms and cheeks were caked in dirt after deciding to show Y/N how to mount a real knight’s horse - and promptly falling. Benjen was dirty from his fingers to his toes because, while Lyanna and Ned were helping Brandon up, he decided to pelt his sister with mud and hay. She ran after him, tackled him to the ground, and that’s how her dress ripped, too. Brandon doubled over in laughter and Y/N expected Ned to intervene again, but he just sighed.

Ned was more or less clean, as was Y/N - she noticed some dirt on the hem of her dress, but she couldn’t do much about it, and she didn’t want to trouble Lady Stark. The woman sighed heavily, and she tried to return some sweetness to her voice.

“Sweetling, could you wash your hands for me? I’ll have a maid brush the dust out of your hair and fix the braid. Would you like that?”

“Yes, Lady Stark. Thank you very much.”

It was best to be courteous when the fire was under one’s “arse”, as her Uncle said, although Y/N wasn’t sure what that was and why fire would be under it. She liked the idea of her nails and hair being clean again, though. Lady Stark turned to her second oldest.

“Ned, it’s good everyone was having fun, but on important days like this, you should remind them how to act. I know Lord Arryn has taught you much about being a proper Lord.” She sighed, and much of the anger was gone from her at that point. “Brandon knows better, but he needs a cool head to set him straight. Do you understand?”

Ned looked as though he had been scolded, anyway. He nodded. “I know.”

“I’m not upset at you, love. I’m glad you’re home.” She gave him a quick hug, then turned back to Y/N. “I’ll show you where you can freshen up, sweetling.”

She was thankful Lady Stark didn’t take her hand; she’d already been almost reprimanded like a child, she didn’t want to be escorted like one. As they walked away, she glanced back. He looks lonely again.

His grey eyes met her own, so Y/N smiled and waved. He looked away, but eventually glanced back and gave her a little wave back.

The harvest feast was a flurry of colors and music. Y/N had attended such feasts at Lord Manderly’s beautiful castle, but everyone was so much bigger, so much louder here. Sometimes it was frightening, and she was happy to be seated close to Lyanna. They were at a table meant for the younger girls, but the ages were varied and Y/N could tell Lyanna was bored with all of them. Surprised at her own boldness, but getting antsy herself, Y/N was the one who suggested they seek out the boys.

“Great idea!” Lyanna said, and her enthusiasm made Y/N regret the suggestion.

No one paid them any mind as they left the table. Lyanna only seemed to be avoiding her mother and father’s gaze, but Lord Stark was loudly telling stories with Y/N’s father, and Lady Stark was in deep conversation with two other ladies. All it took was ducking behind two serving women and crawling under a table to make their escape to the door.

The cold air hit Y/N’s face again for the hundredth time, and it was no less refreshing. She missed the smell of the salty sea, but the mountains and snow had their own relaxing scent. She turned to Lyanna. “Do you know where they are?”

“I saw Brandon leave, I bet Ned and Benjen followed him. They always do.”

She was right. Close the feast hall was a yard, smaller than the big training yard, but still plenty of room for boys to poke each other with wooden swords and laugh. Brandon was taking on Lord Manderly’s two sons.

Like Lord Manderly himself, they were round, blonde and good-natured. They weren’t at all bothered by Brandon trying to take them on at the same time, if anything, they thought it was a fun game. They’d actually left her alone tonight, no doubt because all the other lordlings were playing knights and “sparring”.

“Wylis, Wendel!” Y/N called. Their father was the liege lord of her father, so it’d be rude not to say hello. Wendel stopped the game to answer back, but Brandon hit him square on the head.

“That wasn’t fair,” Wylis said. “You didn’t give him a chance to yield!”

“Hard to yield when you’re dead,” Brandon shrugged. Wendel rubbed his head, but still called “Y/N!” and waved. She waved back just to appease him, and Brandon took the chance to strike again, but this time Wylis called out and Wendel jumped back.

Y/N spotted Benjen, who was hanging upside down from a low branch on a tree. The three Ryswell boys were around him, wanting to do it too, and Lyanna announced her intention to climb higher than all of them. Y/N looked around for Ned, and didn’t see him.

Who she did see startled her. She thought he was a statue, but that was stupid. Who had a statue of a boy - no, maybe a young man? - in the yard outside of a feast hall? He was so still, and then, he moved.

His pale eyes looked down on her. Maybe it was the trick of the torches, or the moonlight, but they were almost colorless. When he stepped close, her head was just under his chest, and she was face to face with the emblem of a flayed, bleeding man.

Y/N could only manage a pitiful attempt at a curtsy. She recognized the house’s sigil, but the name of their lord and only son escaped her. She’d never met either, but it still felt like a failed test.

“What are you doing here?” His voice startled her, and she didn’t know why. She hadn’t expected it to be so … quiet, yet there was little if any warmth in it.

“I …” She was allowed to be here, she was a guest, the same as him, but Y/N still felt herself faltering. She frantically glanced back for Lyanna, but the girl was too busy playing.

She was smaller than him, but she felt even smaller, and she hated it. Y/N was ready to dart back inside when she heard snow crunching behind her. Just a moment later, someone put a hand on her head.

“Roose, your father is looking for you.” It was Ned’s voice. Y/N glanced up, feeling comfort in his presence and the warmth of his hand. Normally she would’ve shaken him off, but she stayed still.

The Bolton boy said nothing to that, not at first. He glanced down to Ned’s hip, where the thin sword still was. Y/N noticed he had one himself, but it was a real one. A proper one.

It was Wylis’ oblivious voice that broke the tension between the three of them. “Roose! Come join us!”

Y/N couldn’t believe he was speaking to a proper lord like that, and she fearfully glanced at the taller boy to gauge his reaction. He had none. His icy eyes glanced toward the children climbing the tree and Brandon, and he simply said, “I haven’t used a wooden sword in years.”

That was it. Not willing to indulge in children’s games, the Bolton boy brushed past her, and Y/N felt the night air get just a little colder. She shivered, then felt warmth close to her fingers. At some point, Ned had moved his hand to her’s, but he didn’t make an attempt to hold it. Y/N decided to.

“Thank you,” She said, and she liked the little smile he gave her. He only met her eyes for those few seconds before glancing downward.

“Don’t be afraid of him. You’re safe here.”

Y/N nodded, even if she still felt anxious. The sound broke her out of her fear, and Ned led her over to the tree. Soon Brandon and Wylis and Wendel joined them, too, and everyone ended up cheering on Benjen as he swung to the highest branch.

Y/N stayed for three more days, delighting in playing with her new friends. It was mostly her, Lyanna and Benjen, but sometimes Brandon and Ned would join their games and exploring. She wished Ned would talk to her a little more, but he always seemed embarrassed, or one of his siblings would talk over him.

When it came time to leave, Lyanna started to cry, and that made Y/N cry. “You have to visit next year!” She said, hugging her companion close. “You have to!”

“I will,” Y/N said, already promising it without knowing if she could. Didn’t Lord and Lady Stark mention it? “I’ll ask my father and mother if I can come next year.”

“I’ll ask mine, too! Maybe they’ll let me go to Ramsgate. We’ll built sandcastles and collect shells!”

Y/N wanted to stay in Winterfell, but she wouldn’t be picky. She gave Benjen a hug, too. Ned had a shy goodbye for her, and Brandon was off on his horse somewhere. Lady Stark kissed her brow and said she was welcome at anytime, and Lord Stark patted her head, very similar to what her father did, except his hand was huge.

It was usually Willam sticking his head out the carriage, but he was fast asleep, and Y/N had no shame hanging halfway out to wave at the Starks as she left. Eventually they were too small to see, and then the castle gate closed, and her Uncle gently urged her back inside.

“When are we going back?” Y/N asked him, and she didn’t understand why he laughed. She was being serious.

“Sooner than you think, little ray. Your mother will be very pleased to hear you had so much fun. What did you think of the Stark boys?”

“Ned is quiet, and Bran is too loud. Ben is nice.” Y/N shrugged. “Lyanna is my friend, though.”

“That’s good. Very good. You can tell your lady mother all about them.”

Why? I sent her a letter. Y/N thought, but she just nodded and glanced out the window to watch the passing countryside. She didn’t understand why her uncle was so pleased, and she recalled her father asked that question, too … and didn’t Lady Stark? “What do you think about Winterfell, Y/N? Are you getting along with the boys?”

Y/N frowned. Maybe they thought I wouldn’t like Lyanna’s brothers because the only one I have is so young.

Whatever the reasons, Y/N quickly pushed them from her mind as she admired the passing forest and streams. It began lulling her to sleep, and she tried to make herself comfortable as the carriage jostled and the horses padded along noisily. She was fast asleep by the time her uncle covered her with a blanket.

#game of thrones x reader #ned stark x reader #libra fics #salt & snow #game of thrones imagines #ned stark

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what-is-your-plan-today · 4 years ago

Text

Riding On Ch9: A Labour of Love

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW, NO UNDER 18s!).

Pairing: Frank Adler x Fliss Gallagher

A/N: Bean is just not playing ball, is he? As always, I hope you enjoy and I love reading all your thoughts. Chapter Song: Beautiful Day by U2

Series Masterlist // WIYPT Masterlist

Touch me, take me to that other place. Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case.

August 2019

“Stay here.” she instructed, “I’ll be fine.” He wasn’t going to listen, he really wasn’t but his eyes dropped shut of their own accord. When they opened again it was almost 10 and he gave a start, because Fliss was due to leave in little over an hour. She was off for a Pre-Baby pamper session with Verity, Roberta and Sian, which included a manicure, pedicure, haircut, facial and fuck knows what else. To be honest, Frank had zoned out when she'd reeled off the list of treatments last night over dinner and just nodded in all the right places because he wasn't interested if all truth be told. As long as she enjoyed herself. With that in mind, he jumped up and after a quick shower he headed downstairs.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” he asked as he wandered into the back of the house. Fliss, who was stood by the bay window seat, her eyes roving over the garden, didn’t answer.

“Lissy?” He spoke again and she jumped slightly and turned to face him as he chuckled and crossed the room to give her a kiss. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. Where’s Mary?”

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I had a message from Boston Police…about John.”

Frank made an angry noise in his throat “What about him?”

“He’s dead.” Fliss said flatly as she looked at Frank. His face contorted into a frown as he looked at her.

“Dead?”

“You ok?” he asked her as he stepped towards her and pulled her into a hug.

“Not sure you’d find many places with Congratulations Your Piece Of Shit, Wife-Beating Ex-Husband Is Dead banners or balloons.” she quipped.

“The internet is dark and full of terrors.” Frank smiled back and Fliss snorted at the Game of Thrones reference “Never underestimate it.”

Frank smiled “Good job you’re heading off for one then isn’t it.”

“I should go get ready.”

“Ok, you want any breakfast before you go?” he asked and she smiled

“We ate, but there’s some pancakes in the oven for you, you just need to warm them up.”

“Does that make me bad?”

And Frank didn’t give a shit whether being happy or, dare he say it, amused at the fact the fucker had died in prison, made him a bad person or not.

*****

“Have a nice time.” He said, leaning over to give her a peck.

“We will.” She smiled “I left Mary some Mac and Cheese for lunch, she was asking before so I pulled it out of the freezer.”

Frank smiled “I’ll fight her for it.” “No need.” She grinned “I got you some out too.” “You spoil me”

“Everything ok?” Bill asked.

“Good luck!” he said, nodding towards the vehicle.

“You’ve done a good job, Frank.” She turned to look at him and he smiled back.

“You sound surprised, mother.” “Not at all.” She shook her head. “I expected nothing less.” “Makes a change.” He couldn’t help the sarcastic shot back and she narrowed her eyes.

“Are we not passed the sniping yet?” she said, tiredly.

“As ready as we can be.” He said, “We’ve had all the hospital tours and found the place Fliss prefers so…” “Where have you chosen?” Evelyn asked.

“Bayfront in St Pete’s” Frank said, pulling out his phone “They have a suite called the Baby Place.”

He flicked through his phone’s internet browser to the bookmarked page and handed it to Evelyn who put on her glasses to scan the information.

“Hey Stack, can you go grab me a can of soda?”

“Only if I can have one.” She bargained.

“Fine, but grab the no sugar. You’re already hyper enough as it is.”

Mary jumped down and headed through the door into the kitchen. As soon as she was out of earshot Frank looked at his mother.

“You should have come with us today Mary.” Steve said to the girl as she sauntered past in her bathing suit. She paused to look at him.

“What did you do?”

“We did Kayaking, skiing, the boys went bodyboarding but I sat that one out.” Steve said.

“I didn’t know if I would like it.” She shrugged, dropping her eyes slightly. Frank watched carefully as Steve crouched down.

“Next Friday.” He nodded.

“Ok, I wanna go next time.” She announced. “Mind your manners.” Frank instructed, gently, pointing the tongues he was holding at her.

“Please.” She added. Charlie and Joel both erupted into noise, demanding that their father allow it and Steve gave a chuckle.

“You’re welcome any time Stack, as long as Frank and Fliss say its ok.” He said, standing up. “Fine by me. In fact you can keep her if you want.” Frank shrugged and Mary rolled her eyes.

“You always say stuff like that, pretend you don’t want me here but we all know the truth. You do, that’s why you’re adopting me.”

“Smart ass.” Frank narrowed his eyes at her as she stuck her tongue out and ran off. Bill and Steve chuckled as Frank shook his head, snorting.

“Thanks Steve.” He looked at the man who waved his thanks away.

“We’re not expecting to yet. We’ve only given him notification of our intent. I suspect when Greg actually starts the process officially we’ll hear something.”

“But you don’t expect him to object?”

“Yeah, I’ll come with you” Steve said “Frank?”

“I’m good, thanks.” “You can have one or two, surely?” Steve looked at him.

“Hey gorgeous.” He said, moving so she could slide under his arm. He pressed a kiss to her head “You ok?”

“Thanks.” She said, a little shyly and Frank frowned.

“Don’t you like it?”

“Well you can do what the fuck you want with it.” He assured her, “Unless you want to shave it all off. Then I might raise some objections.” “Sorry. She said gently and he frowned.

“Of course I do, I just wonder sometimes if it’s ever gonna stop.”

“So what if it doesn’t?” Frank looked at her. She blinked and he shrugged “I’ve told you, you can always talk to me. Nothing you say is gonna make me mad.”

“He’s even more insignificant now.” She grinned “He’s fucking dead.”

At that Frank let out a snort “I take it you’re not longer feeling numb then.”

She shrugged “Mum said exactly the same as you before, that we should be throwing a party so…”

Frank chuckled again, pulling her into him even further as he turned back to the grill.

******

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled.

“What for?”

“I know I've been a pain these last 2 weeks.”

“You’re heavily pregnant and fed up.” He said, kissing her head

“Do you want me to come with you?” Frank asked and Fliss shook her head.

“It’s not even 7. I might be back down in an hour or so if I feel better.” “Ok, can you manage-“

She gave him a kiss on his cheek, her way of apology for snapping and headed off.

“You won’t need that appointment tomorrow.” Evelyn said after a pause and Frank turned to her.

“What was it you once said to me about an apple and a tree analogy?” she looked at him, arching an eyebrow and Frank snorted.

“Yeah ok, you got me there” he conceded.

“No, no…” he began to mutter, before his muttering became frantic yells “No, this…not my girls…not…”

With a start, Frank sat straight upright in bed, breathing deeply. He glanced at the clock on the side which read 23:30, damned he hadn’t even been asleep an hour! What the fuck…

He wiped his clammy brow and lay back, feeling Fliss stir besides him.

“Frank?” she asked softly, “Are you ok?” “Bad dream.” He mumbled, turning onto his side and sliding his arm under her neck, pulling her back into his chest.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked.

He shook his head with the air of a small child, pressing his nose into her neck, breathing in her smell and comfort. As he nuzzled at her, he felt her sigh a little and push back further into him.

“Stop it.” She muttered.

“Stop what?” he asked.

“That.” She said, “On my neck…”

“Why?” he teased, his nose being replaced by his lips as he gently trailed open mouthed kisses up to her ear.

“You know why…”

“You ready to try what the midwife suggested?” he muttered, his mouth nipping at her ear and she gave a laugh.

“Easy baby.” he muttered.

He was woken 3 hours later, just before 4 am by Fliss shaking his arm.

“Frank…”

He groaned but didn’t open his eyes.

“Frank…Bean…I think he’s on his way…”

He let out a grin and turned over “My sperms worked then…” he mumbled into the pillow.

Fliss looked at him, waiting for the moment her words registered in his sleep-addled brain, which happened roughly 10 or so seconds later when he suddenly sat bolt upright, turning to face her.

“Penny dropped?” she asked arching an eyebrow.

He blinked “He’s…” She nodded, “Yeah…” He blinked again before he swallowed, and with a grin stuttered out a single word.

“Shit!”

#riding on #frank adler #frank adler x ofc #gifted #gifted fan fic

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