#that album wasn’t my favorite musically but the lyrics knocked it out of the park for me

[sombreset]

Sorry honey I know I haven’t eaten my breakfast it’s just I can’t stop thinking about the new Baths album, and how so much of it resonated with the queer anguish I was trying to capture writing Logan in Old Soil and I don’t know what to do about it.

I wish this album came out months earlier only because I wish it plagued me Before I started writing Old Soil. Oh well! I guess it can start haunting late!

[seasaltmemories]

Top AMVs of 2024 - 30 - 21

A more in-depth breakdown of what I am doing can be found here, but if you just want to get to the main entries then:

30. Cuff It by uv catastrophe (fray-adjacent)

Audio: Cuff It by Beyoncé

Visuals: Reunion: The Sound of the Providence

There are two words that best sum up this vid: fun and flirty. The source material seems concerned with a grand adventure of some kind, but this vid is more focused on the journey and small bits in between the action set-pieces.

Each member of the trio gets loving focus for a verse. Lots of attention is given to hitting all the sexual innuendos of the song, with my fave moment being the intense close ups of a hand tracing the outlines of a wall for a more innocent type of opening. The editing is similarly loose and relaxed while keeping the pacing engaging and energized. This is one of my favorite types of tribute because it is so easy just to see what individual moments and expressions the editor themselves loves. By the end, I was just as charmed with this polycule as I expect the fans are.

29. Pink Friday by FallChild42

Audio: Friday Night from The Yakuza 0 Soundtrack

Visuals: Revolutionary Girl Utena

I participated in an MMV exchange this summer, and there were so many cool and creative vids made for it, so beware this is just the first off the list. I know FallChild42/Dr. Dinosaur for his comedy vids and only heard a few stray comments about what he had planned for his giftee, so I didn’t know what to expect. But it certainly wasn’t for him to go all out for a motions graphics lyric video.

Utena and Yakuza are two series I love, but I never thought to cross them like this until he pulled it off. Suddenly I was like, “yes Utena deserves all the fun friday night parties, yes please.” The editing is both professional and slick, yet expressive and charming (especially with her little dance). A lot of the fun from exchanges is watching friends go the extra mile for each other. With such impressive tech work and clear joy and affection for his frequent collaborator/friend Ileia, it is difficult to walk away form this vid without a smile.

28. Bonnie & Clara by Camichan19

Audio: Runaway by Against the Current

Visuals: Princess Jellyfish

I came up in amv fandom from the side focused on making their paper dolls kiss (regardless if they interacted in canon or not), so I a sucker for just a good romance amv that knows what it is doing. And what do you know, Camichan19 is an expert in exactly that.

Pacing is one of those rarely spoken about, pretty vague elements of editing. You can use a metronome file or the waveform but when it comes down to choosing when and where to cut, especially on a scene by scene level, there’s only so much guidance anyone can give. Yet Camichan19 always seems like she knows exact the perfect place to make the cleanest cuts. Her smart and subtle scene selection in this vid specifically shines in how she is able to use Princess Jellyfish’s comedic moments for actually romantic development. This vid doesn’t make me laugh out loud, but it does make me smile in how it show that even these goofy slapstick moments do build something real and important between our two leads.

27. Transcend-Dandy Cha Cha Cha by Aqua Sky Productions

Audio: Transcendental Cha Cha Cha by Tom Cardy

Visuals: Space Dandy

Tom Cardy has been supplying a good portion of the amv community’s comedy audio for the past few years now. Honestly, you could make a panel purely of Tom Cardy amvs, and a part of me is worried the bubble is gonna burst before I can get my own ideas out. When his new album dropped with its own animated music video for this song, a part of me imagined it was some sort of challenge on his part to see how a inter-dimension dance party could get reinterpreted as anything else. But Aqua Sky Productions rose up to that challenge and knocked it out of the park. Of all the lyric sync I expected in this vid, I was not expecting the “french dandy” line to get something.

But most of all, I admire she was able to capture the over-the-top party attitude without simply recreating the original mv. In contrast to its existential horror, Aqua has most of the characters role with the punches as long as they have a place to rave. It’s more tongue-in-cheek in comparison to most dance vids, but the more lowkey humor makes it a fun party anyone feels like they could join.

26. MEDUSA by JAKEH (CW: Sexual Assault)

Audio: Follow You Into the Dark from Alan Wake II Soundtrack

Visuals: Heavenly Delusion + Multisource

I say this not to disparage any of the many dedicated coordinators we have in our community, but I feel like we’re still in the figuring out stage of grappling with amvs focused on more heavy and sensitive topics. Considering the public nature of much of the con circuit it is understandable to limit showings to all ages material, and I understand staff that does not feel equipped or does not want to engage with such topics for personal reasons. Still even in NFSW spaces, sexual assault tends to be the one line drawn (probably because going from horny hentai shenanigans to that and back is a hell of a tone whiplash). I like to emphasize that the con circuit is not the end all be all of amvs, and several people involved in the space (including myself) have taken the time to tackle the subject. However, it feels like many vids that want to seriously grapple with it are forced to live in the dark.

All this to say, if you care about grounded depictions of sexual violence, then MEDUSA is one of the best amvs tackling the subject around. Where it shines is not just communicating the literal events, but representing the feelings of our protagonist. After the drop we get gorgeous composition and composition filled with rage, grief, and profound bodily alienation. I don’t believe the most sensitive depictions are the ones that are the least explicit like some folks, but there is a lot more power and creative control for JAKEH by going this abstract route in a visual medium like amvs.

The ending itself also really gets at the reality of the subject for most victims. While our protagonist does get relief and release in the comfort and support of their loved one, there is also the harsh reality of having to live with the knowledge their assailant is likely simply living their life without any comparable consequences. It’s a harsh truth too many survivors have to face, but in the end, it is this vid’s unflinching stare head on at the subject that gives its dignity and weight.

25. Welcome to the Glam Dungeon🔥👄 by Abyssbreaking Studios

Audio: The Glam Kitchen 🔥👄 Sopita de coditos by Shiadanni

Visuals: Dungeon Meshi

Who’s hungry for a bite? This amv is not my first encounter with the glam kitchen, but I was nervous about the audio would translate for a vid, as most of the humor comes from the delivery of a dramatic Mexican diva.

The solution, make the delivery of the audio through the text part of the joke. While Kia doesn’t skimp out on adding jokes in through Marcille’s funniest moments, her subtitles are the star of the show. There legible and easy to read while having plenty of cute and charming flourishes (my fave is the custom Falin emoji). Overall it recreates the fun of many viral cooking videos, basking in the vibes and energy as the real work goes on in the background, in a way I didn’t imagine possible in the form of an amv. Kia’s enthusiasm and energy overall cooks up a tasty treat for us viewers.

24. a heart’s a heavy burden by Biotic

Audio: Medusa by Kailee Morgue

Visuals: Fruits Basket 2019

Rin is one of my faves of Fruits Basket and I’ve adored this particular song for years. The only way a vid with this combo could be more up my alley is if a creative editor like the BioticAMVS was the one to edit with it. Really no matter what source she works with, Biotic always adds her own unique compositions and visual flair to create amvs with very particular singular visions.

And as a fan of the sources, I really love the extra meaning created here. It is telling that the positive memories are layered in a mosaic-like haze, once good ones are shattered, broken, and ruined while the only thing Rin sees clearly is her own pain. Casting Tohru as “Medusa,” the figure that turns her to stone, is such an interesting choice that demonstrates just how much what it is that paralyzes her is something internal as much as her external circumstances. It is a nice treat for fans, but wrapped up in tight sync that can be enjoyed by anyone.

23. Curtain Call - by BanjoKazooie64Fan (James Blond)

Audio: When the Curtain Falls by Tessa Violet

Visuals: Perfect Blue

Perfect Blue is one of those intensely iconic pieces of art the imagery takes a life of its own. But rather than focus on stalkers and doppelgangers, James took the time to focus in on Perfect Blue lady’s quiet loneliness.

It is a unique and creative take on the source, as most Perfect Blue amvs aren’t all that character focused, (and even after watching the movie less than 3 years ago, she is still “Perfect Blue lady” in my head) but it is one that works wonders. By cutting out most of the thriller elements, it really emphasizes how even before the bodies started piling up, this was a young vulnerable woman getting eaten up by the industry with seemingly no support system at all. The scene of her fantasizing about talking with friends over near silence at 0:56 is so powerful in its dissonance, emphasizing how it really is a fantasy since it “breaks” most amv rules. I also like the cut of her staring blankly in the middle of directing the night club scene at 1:56. There is this running theme of almost watching life happen to other people around her, pulling so much depth and emotion I am not used to feeling about a character at all.

22. Retro Never Ends by Roseclipse AMV (Ophelia)

Audio: World on Wheels by Duckwrth

Visuals: Yu Yu Hakusho

Last year, a studio by the name AMV Clamp (since then renamed Roseclipse AMV) came on to the scene with killer taste in anime and a strong editing voice/style. They were my rookies of the year for 2023, with Ophelia being a particular prevalent member. I loved her mmv work last year, so when she participated in the summer mmv exchange I mentioned earlier, I was excited to see what she would pull together.

With its bright color palette and paper edge borders, Retro Never Ends oozes style. For a medium where ever inch of movement is costing you loads of time and effort, the vid is so energetic, lively, and slick. There are so many great standout motions, such as the flying animation at 0:31 and the Botan mask at 0:47, but a more subtle element I admire is how Ophelia is not afraid to play with the aspect ratio. At moments like 0:16 and 0:42, you can clear see the edges of the original manga panels. But the brisk pace and smart scene composition turns the negative space from a distraction and into another nice visual flourish. Frankly when it comes to amount of polished tech work per a frame, this vid might get you some of the best bang for your buck on this list.

21. First Measure by Xophilarus

Audio: Magik Mike - Shake If Off but Taylor Swift stays up WAY too late (Shake Off Those Notes), Shittyflute - Love Story, Tom Wallace's arrangement of Shake It Off.

Visuals: Hibike Euphorium

I don’t know when “Shake It Off” became the default Taylor Swift meme song, but I’ll never get tired of “nothing in my brain,” as a punchline. Xophilarus’ commitment to the bit here is to be admired. They are dedicated to syncing every off note, using ever zoom, speed ramp, or flourish to accentuate some truly awful musical moments.

And while for some folks, two and a half minutes of that might be more grating than entertaining, what really ties it together for me is the underlining story-line of these kids trying to put on a half decent performance. I’m not used to getting emotionally invested in comedy amvs, but it is funnier and more compelling to highlight these smiling cheerful faces thinking they absolutely nailed it while the crowd looks on in horror. While their eventual triumph is still tongue in cheek, I genuinely felt proud of them.

[sad-brunnettee]

omg hii i jst discovered your blog and i am absolutely in love with you eddie x reader especially since it’s a hispanic reader :(( it feels so nice and srsly as a mexican it makes me so happy !! ive had this hc stuck in my brain that Eddie wouldve loved spanish rock !! so may i ask for a eddie munson x hispanic! reader where reader gets hombres g lastest album “La Cagaste ,,, Burt Lancaster” and they jst run over to eddies all excited and immediately head to his room to play it in his record player . he’s like “what is that !?!,!.” to which reader replies “it’s hombres g duh have you never heard them” and he’s like utterly confused bc he only listens to his rock obviously so reader plays it for him and makes him listen to it and by the end he and reader are jst jamming out to songs w reader singing some lyrics like to “Te Quiero” or “Marta Tiene un Marcapasos” w eddie asking for more spanish rock songs bc he absolutely fell in love w it <3 this is my first time requesting ahhh JDJAJJS SRSLY I LOVE YOUR BLOG 🫶🏼🫶🏼

Hi cutie 😽, I’m happy to hear that you like them. thanks so much for requesting!! I also think that he would’ve really enjoyed it. <3

A/n: I’m going to be honest I don’t think I’ve ever heard their music so I really hope I made some justice to your request 🤞🏼

Eddie Munson x Gn Hispanic! reader

—

You had just gotten your hands on Hombres g new album. It wasn’t easy to get it since not many people listen to their music but you were glad that you found it.

Whenever you get a new album you always run to your room and listen to it at full blast. Having it on repeat until you finally memorize the lyrics. Not this time, no, you decided to drive to Eddie’s trailer

During your drive you had to stop yourself from getting a quick peek at the album songs. In order to stop yourself, you softly drummed your fingers on the steering wheel while trying to think of something else.

Aside from being together with Eddie for a while now, yet you never got the chance to share your favorite songs with him. Even though you also listen to rock music, you weren’t sure if he would be a big fan of Spanish rock music.

As soon as his trailer came to view, you parked your car carelessly. Grabbing the album you got out of the car and locked it. You took long strides towards his door, once you stood in front of it you lifted up your hand to knock.

You heard some footsteps approaching and as they gradually got closer, you were bouncing on your feet with excitement.

Once Eddie opened the door you squeezed your way through to get to his room. He was confused and cautiously walked behind you. As he did that, he kept on wondering if he did anything to get you mad. Since you didn’t even greet him, just stormed past him. At least that’s what he interpreted as.

“Is everything ok…” He asked as he finally reached his bedroom.

Instead of answering, you got the record out and inserted it on his record player.

Within a few seconds the music began to play causing Eddie to give you a questioning look. He still wasn’t sure what you were doing.

Stepping back you handed Eddie the album to show him what you were listening to.

Eddie grabbed it with a look of confusion he wasn’t sure how to pronounce the name that was written on the front.

You walked over to the edge of his bed and took a sit. You patted the space next to you so he could take a sit as well. He walked slowly towards you and sat down before looking up at you.

“What is this?” He asked. It wasn’t in a rude way but more of curiosity.

“It’s hombres g, duh. Have you never heard of them?” You asked.

“Mmm no, I’m afraid I’m not familiar with their work.” He answered truthfully.

You let out a gasp, you thought that maybe someone might’ve mentioned them before. Yet you were proven wrong. You got up and raise the volume, not too loud. Just loud enough for the both of you to hear.

As the music played you kept on moving your body to the rhythm. From the corner of your eye you could see how Eddie was bopping his head.

Once the album finished played you turned to face him with a bright smile

“So, what did you think?” You asked

“I think it was the most amazing thing I have ever heard. Drastic change from Iron Maiden and… you know my type of music.” He spoke slowly while flickering his gaze around his room to show you what he meant. “Could we, listen to it again?” He asked rather sheepishly.

You didn’t say anything just let out a squeal as you stood up to put the music once more. Once that was done, you went back to sitting next to him and you’re not sure how but you felt your body fill itself with more excitement as before.

When the song Te quiero started playing, you felt yourself getting familiarized to the song. You started off by mumbling the lyrics before gradually signing them loudly.

Even if you weren’t the best singer, Eddie would do anything just to hear you sing forever. In his eyes, there wasn’t anything that you could do wrong.

He let out a heartfelt laugh, you looked over at him with a smile while still singing. He mustered enough courage to try and sing along with you. At least the words that he learned from those years he had to repeat his Spanish class.

His pronunciation wasn’t the best but it brought you so much joy seeing that he was trying his best for you. Although he didn’t need to, he always made you happy no matter what.

That may be the reason why you singed the chorus a bit louder than the rest of the song. You’re not sure how much Eddie was able to understand but you could see in his eyes the affection they held whenever he sang the words ‘te quiero’.

When the album finished, once more, you and Eddie were now laying on his bed. Even if the only thing the two of you did was sing, it drained you both to a certain extent. Just as the two of you caught your breath, Eddie stood up and said:

“Hombres g… I might need to buy my own albums. Tell me, do you have more I could listen to?”

🏷: @hellomyweirdos @lubsana @satsuri3su @n39ro-chann @kenzi-woycehoski

[achliegh]

Bronze

Alright, I had this wonderful idea come into my head about Clayton, honestly he deserves his own fic. So here is his version of events! Lots will tie together with Golden so I recommend you read that as well. But you don’t have to of course.

Explaining:

Before Letter is the present.

Letter is updating the lives of the people back home, of whoever wrote it mostly.

After Letter is memory.

The first few letters will be very awkward because writing letters and not being sure what to talk about and what not to talk about is hard and confusing. Stick with me! Yes, this prologue is just a letter.

TW/CW: Discussions of death, miliatry training, smut, cringy jokes, underage drinking, dumb choices, swearing, and more later on.

Beta: @walking-crisis

Some Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Chapter 2:

For You

Chicken Fried

It was silent besides the radio humming faintly over the walkie attached to his vest. Every breath he took in filled his lungs with dust.

Nothing felt real.

The mission was to take out a target. Clay left it at that because he hasn’t been in the military long enough to be able to consider targets… people. He felt sick anytime he put the two together but he knew this is what he signed up for. This target has taken many lives and he was watching through his scope, gun pointed at the door of the building where the target operated.

He had to put himself in the headspace where he couldn’t think about anything other than the trigger where his finger flinched whenever the door opened.

He didn’t have the signal so he didn’t shoot.

His partner sat next to him, completely relaxed tapping his thigh to the beat of the music. Every hit of his thigh almost made Clay flinch. This wasn’t his first mission where he had to take a target out, but this was the first where he didn’t see them actively doing something horrendous. The slight breeze felt like it could push him over with just the right amount of pressure. Everything was sensitive… yet he felt numb.

The door opened for the fifth time in the last hour and an old woman waddled out of the building, she smiled at a small group of children who ran past. She has aged with stress from the lines of her wrinkles. Her baggy clothes looked homemade.

She was sweet, reminding him of his own mother.

He relaxed when he saw her, knowing she couldn’t be the target. Watching her talk to a man on the street he hears the signal. His partner rolls over to lay next to him and takes out his binoculars to look at the woman and gives Clay the signal to get ready.

Two Fingers Pointed Up: Get ready.

Two Fingers Pointed Out: Shoot.

Hesitating for a moment, his partner notices and gives him a look to get his shit together. Swallowing his hesitation. He takes the safety off his gun and ready's himself for the shot.

One he would hear forever.

Dear Honey Bee,

How's my baby doing? Making friends I hope, that’s the one thing you always amaze me with. The way you make friends so easily. I could never, shy little thing like myself. I was terrible at breaking out of my shell. Your daddy always convinced me to go out though.

Which reminds me! You remember Miss Bell down the road? She is pregnant with triplets, and no one knows who the father is. How scandalous! I always thought she would end up with that farmer Micheal across the river but she never liked him much.

Your lovers stopped by last week and Little Miss… what do you call her? Sparky or something. She was absolutely glowing when we gave her a photo album of you and Leo from when you were in middle school. The hunk you managed to catch had hour long conversations with your daddy about the latest sports which I didn’t understand so I did what you always tell me to do.

Smile and Nod.

It’s odd writing letters to you, I remember writing to my family when I first moved in with your Daddy because we didn’t have the email or the phones. But I am so used to writing to you over the phone that writing on paper is odd. I hope you’re getting these letters, everyone has said you haven’t responded but I remember when Wyatt was in the military and Eloise was a mess, long before you and Leo were around. So, I’m not too worried.

I am sending you and your Team the best wishes for safety. Praying y’all all get home safe and make lots of babies. We need more kids, I want grandbabies and I made sure your lovers know that.

Now, on a more serious note. Your Daddy is still upset with you for just leaving like that. He wishes he could have convinced you to stay because he wants you safe. I want you safe too but I know this is something you need to do. From the calls I've had with Leo he is also still angry with you.

I keep trying to convince your Daddy to write but he says it hurts too much. So know that He sends his best anytime I write to you. Anytime you think of us.

We love you so much Clayton London Bruss. Now get some rest, I know you’re tired.

Love,

Your Mama

He knocks on the window of Leo’s truck, horny fuck can’t control himself. Clay doesn’t mind it much though, walking over to Ashley who hands him his phone that she was routinely checking.

“Find anything interesting?” He takes his phone and puts it in his back pocket, putting an arm around her shoulders.

“Nothing besides your terribly gay nudes.” She rolls her eyes. “Just because Leo is a faggot doesn’t mean you have to sink that low.” Clay furrows his brows and is about to say something back when Finn walks over to them, looking like he just had a great make out. Clay smiles.

“How was the truck?”

“Warm, I forgot how hot it gets in the south.” Finn pulls his shirt to get some airflow and Clay nods while Ashley scowls a little at the redhead in front of them. The music starts to play over the speakers. Logan joins them after a couple of minutes.

Clay has gotten a few… interesting vibes from Logan when Leo isn’t looking. He notices the hesitation that Leo can’t see. He sees the way Logan wants to tell Leo to back off and to pull him closer at the same time.

Leo doesn’t deserve that.

Clay likes Finn better because Finn definitely likes Leo, and Logan probably to a point where it's bad for himself. But Finn is someone who cares with all or nothing.

Leo does deserve that.

They start heading over to where Leo has parked, a Bronco in between their trucks, Clay notices Logan hesitate reaching for Finn’s hand. So, it wasn’t only a Leo thing. Lots of people think Clay is an oblivious idiot but that would be sort of wrong. He is very observant when it comes to people, maybe not so much when it comes to safety.

“CLAY!” He looks upt just in time to see Leo chuck a BudLight, yuck, at him. Obviously needing to get rid of it, he pulls out his keys and punches a whole to shotgun it.

Way to start off the night.

Lot’s of drinks later, one of his favorite songs came on over the speaker. Chicken Fried by The Zac Brown Band, it's a great song. Casually singing the lyrics he turns to Ashley who is on her phone, he shrugs not caring and runs over to Leo and jumps on his back. Hopping off after Leo lightly elbows him in the ribs, Leo turns around and joins him in singing the lyrics.

Dancing like idiots he looks at Leo’s infatuations and sees them with sappy looks on their faces but he knows Leo won’t notice them.

As the night goes on they do more stupid shit, crawling into the passenger side of his truck he let’s Ashley drive him home. The blind trust he puts in her is something he will regret later. About 20 miles from his house they see flashing red and blue lights behind the truck. Ashley pulls over and sighs annoyed, crossing her arms.

Clays anxiety is off the charts, he knows he isn’t sober and underage. If this is who he thinks it is then there is a 100% chance he will be taken down to the station. Of course, they would get pulled over when Ashley’s dad knew she would be at a bonfire with her “degenerate” boyfriend.

“Hi Daddy” Ashley smiles a little at the officer as he shines a flashlight into the cab of the truck right into Clay’s eyes.

“Sir, I’m going to need you to step out of the vehicle. Hi Ash, can you drive your car home after you drop his truck off? I’m gonna book him down at the station.” Clay gets out and about falls over and neither Ashley or her dad is impressed.

Getting thrown into the back of a cop car after an aggressive handcuffing and pat down is not how he wanted to spend his night. He honestly just wanted to go to bed.

Having been arrested for no reason so many times he knows the process by heart now. So well in fact that the officers don’t even have to tell him what to do. He just does it and goes to sit in his favorite cell. Where he can throw pieces of paper at the Sheriff’s desk.

He calls his mom with his one phone call and tells her what happened. She is out of town with his dad for a conference about cattle prices in the south this year so Clay gets to spend the night in the cell. Great.

Just what he wanted.

[girlsbtrs]

How Being a Woman in Hardcore Helped Me Learn to Love Myself

Written by Jen Moglia. Graphic by Laura Cross. 

Since this is my first piece written for Girls Behind the Rock Show, I figured that I should introduce myself; hi, my name is Jennifer, but most people call me Jen. I live on Long Island in New York, and my favorite things include my cats, the color pink, giving gifts to my Animal Crossing villagers, and watching sports. Above all else, however, I love music.

I frequently refer to music as the love of my life. It somehow plays a role in everything that I do. I got my first iPod when I was five years old, stacked with everything from Miranda Cosgrove and Avril Lavigne to Tool and Deftones. Some of my favorite memories growing up are sitting in my pink and purple bedroom singing and dancing along to Paramore’s crushcrushcrush and Fall Out Boy’s Thnks Fr Th Mmrs on the local alternative radio station. I danced for 12 years, played cello for seven, and am currently a wannabe ukulele rockstar after buying one on impulse and starting to teach myself how to play four years ago. Even on the simplest, barely noticeable levels, music has been everywhere in my life for as long as I can remember; even now, I can’t complete a basic task without a song playing in my headphones.

Music became an even bigger part of my life when I started attending live shows. I went to my first concerts at age 10, seeing my two favorite artists - Nickelodeon boy band Big Time Rush and classic progressive rock band Rush - within one month of each other. By the time I was 15, I had been to my fair share of arena/seated shows with one or both of my parents, from Fifth Harmony to Fitz and the Tantrums to Alice in Chains. My first general admission show was seeing the Foo Fighters at Citi Field with both my mom and dad when I was 12, but my first pop-punk general admission show (yes, they’re different) came a few years later. I had the typical list of favorite bands that you would expect from a young teenager getting into alternative music: Neck Deep, Knuckle Puck, Real Friends, and State Champs. 

In late 2018, I was able to see all four of these bands for the first time, and I am a firm believer that it changed the course of my life. I met, cried-during, and eventually got the setlist for Neck Deep at Stereo Garden on Long Island in September. I sang all of “Untitled” at the barricade for Knuckle Puck at SI Hall at the Fairgrounds in Syracuse in October. I had my first minor concussion scare (yay!) before Real Friends’ set at Irving Plaza in New York City in November. Finally, I crowd surfed for the first time during State Champs’ anniversary show for The Finer Things at House of Independents in Asbury Park in December. After just a few shows, I had fallen in love with this new brand of live music that I had just been introduced too. There was something so magical to me about skin covered in sweat and Sharpie marks, feet hurting from dancing in the pit all night, and meeting strangers on line outside the venue who would become your best friends and know your deepest secrets by the end of the night.

After making some friends at all of the pop-punk shows I was going to, they started to tell me that I should get into hardcore music. I was hesitant at first - the heaviest thing I had listened to at that point was nowhere near the snippets of hardcore that my friends had played for me - but, eventually, I decided to give it a chance. I was bored and home alone with nothing to do one night over the summer of 2019 when I listened to my first hardcore album, Laugh Tracks by Knocked Loose. Immediately, I got that gut feeling that you have when you know you’ve heard one of your favorite bands for the first time. I knew that this was something special that I was meant to find at this point in my life. For the rest of the summer, I worked my way through the rest of my friends’ hardcore and hardcore-adjacent recommendations, with Cost of Living by Incendiary, Stage Four by Touche Amore, You’re Not You Anymore by Counterparts, Time & Space by Turnstile, Springtime and Blind by Fiddlehead, Smile! Aren’t You Happy by Absence of Mine, Bad to my World by Backtrack, and Reality Approaches by Harms Way being some of my favorites. By the time the next school year started, I was hooked, and I already had tickets to my first few hardcore shows in the fall.

My first hardcore show was in November 2019, seeing Knocked Loose at Webster Hall in New York City - fitting, right? They were on tour supporting their new record A Different Shade of Blue, which I had become obsessed with the minute I heard it for the first time. Although I was ridiculously scared of getting stepped on and breaking all my bones (yes, that was an actual fear of mine), I had the time of my life at that show. There was something about this newer kind of live music that prompted a cathartic release, one that I hadn’t found anywhere else before. As soon as the show was over, I was counting the days until my next one.

My love for live hardcore music (and live music and hardcore music in general) has only grown since then, and that story sort of ends there. However, I want to go back to that first hardcore band that I listened to, Knocked Loose, and the album they put out that first summer that stole my heart. I was taken by storm as soon as the first notes of A Different Shade of Blue rang through my headphones, but something was different about the third track, A Serpent’s Touch, particularly the ending; I heard a voice that sounded a little bit more like my own.

This song features Emma Boster, who does vocals for one of my favorite hardcore bands right now, Dying Wish. When I heard A Serpent’s Touch for the first time, though, I had no idea who she was. I was used to the aggressive vocal delivery of frontmen in hardcore, particularly that of Knocked Loose’s Bryan Garris, but hearing it come from her changed my perspective on a lot of things. It’s not like the song was super angry and changed its tune to be lighter once the token girl came along; in her verse, Boster sings, “I watched the venom / Overcome your spirit / Jealousy holds you now / Distorting your appearance / Bleed out.” These were lyrics that held the same intensity that the lines screamed by the men held, and they sounded just as cool coming out of her mouth. As cheesy as it sounds, it had never even occurred to me that women had a place in this new world that I had discovered. The audiences in the live videos I watched (and eventually at the shows I attended) were made up of mostly men who looked bigger and older than me. When I did start going to shows, most of the non-man population consisted of my friends and I. Emma Boster, along with so many others, began to open my eyes to the fact that a place for people like me existed in this community. It didn’t matter that I had bright red hair or liked butterflies or wore pink - I was just as much a part of this magic as the men multiple feet taller than me with tattoo-covered arms, and I belonged there just as much as they did.

As time went on and I got more involved in the genre’s music and community, I discovered more bands with women in them, and it only fueled this fire of empowerment inside of me. When I felt insecure, I’d watch live sets from Krimewatch, a hardcore band from New York City, just half an hour away from my hometown. They have multiple women as members, including their energetic badass of a vocalist, Rhylli Ogiura. Year of the Knife became one of my all-time favorites, and their bassist Madison Watkins became a serious inspiration to me; the way that she can balance killing it on stage and running the cutest, most pink apparel brand I’ve ever seen (aptly titled Candy Corpse) amazes me. Even some of the bands I’ve found more recently have had an impact on me. I started listening to Initiate last year when their EP Lavender came out, and their beautifully colorful cover art caught my eye before I had heard any of their songs. Their vocalist, Crystal Pak, is also a woman, and she’s insanely talented. Discovering this kind of representation in this new universe that I had come to feel so at home in introduced me to a world of confidence and determination that I had never known before.

When people ask me why I love hardcore so much, I often give the easy answer; “the music sounds good.” If the person allows me to ramble on for a little longer, the answer becomes much more emotional and cheesy. Hardcore taught me that speaking up for what I believe in is important, and if there’s something I’m passionate about, it’s worth shouting about. I became familiar with this when listening to one of my favorite bands ever, Incendiary (the second hardcore band I ever checked out), before quickly realizing that politics are a pretty common topic within the genre - it’s what this music was practically built on. The first time I heard their vocalist Brendan Garrone singing about police brutality and injustice on songs like Force of Neglect and Sell Your Cause, I realized that there is so much more to music than just sounding good.

However, at its core, the thing I love so much about hardcore is what it taught me about being a woman. Growing up, I was the loud girl with the personality bigger than the room who always had something to say and had a never ending supply of excitement about just about everything. As I got older, I was taught that this was not okay. People didn’t like how enthusiastic I was about everything, or that I constantly had new ideas and new discoveries I wanted to talk about. As cliche as it sounds, I felt like everyone around me was trying to dull my sparkle, especially some of the men that I was encountering on a day-to-day basis. Even when I started to come to terms with my big and bright personality, in turn also coming to terms with my own femininity, I was told that this wasn’t how girls acted. I had to pick one - I could watch Disney princess movies and wear Hello Kitty hair clips, or I could be outspoken about my beliefs; but never both. The women that I mentioned earlier, along with so, so many more, helped me unlearn these toxic mindsets. Seeing someone like Emma Boster take the stage and scream ferociously for a full set helped me see that I could be a girl and still be a powerhouse. Following Madi Watkins around on social media showed me that I could love bands like Year of the Knife and also love heart-shaped purses and wear pink from head to toe. My aggression and passion didn’t make me any less of a woman, and my femininity didn’t make me any less of a force to be reckoned with. 

So, at the end of this love letter to hardcore and the women who run it, I say this; thank you for teaching me that I don’t have to shrink myself anymore. It has made a world of a difference.

[atinydise]

Ateez saying something hurtful to their s/o (1/2)

❦ Genre: Angst.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: Around 2k.

❦ Masterlist.

Part 2

HONGJOONG

Hongjoong had many things to do this week. He was extremely stressed because he cannot compose a good song. For you, of course, all these songs were very good. You always told him that he’s doing well. But maybe a bit too much this time.

You didn’t saw your boyfriend for a whole week. He was busy, composing songs for the new album. Always trying so hard to do his best and impress Eden sunbaenim. As a good girlfriend, you didn’t bother him. Only sent few texts when you went to sleep or woke up. But it was Friday and you really wanted to see your boyfriend. So, after work, you went to KQ Entertainment.

In the hall there was Ateez members except your boyfriend.

“Oh Y/N!” Said Yunho when he saw you at the entrance. “Hi guys! What are you doing?” You asked when you saw them wearing their coat. “We want to try the new restaurant!” Shouted San. “Do you want to come?” You accepted. You were always having a good time with Ateez. “Where is Hongjoong?” You asked, still no sign of your boyfriend. “He’s in the studio. He won’t come with us. Too much work.” Said Seonghwa. You sighed. When this boy will take some time for him? “I’ll go talk to him; we will join you at the restaurant guys!” San & Wooyoung shouted a big “YES”. You smiled, happy to see them. It’s like a big family. “I’ll text you the address Y/N.” Said Yeosang. You thanked him & went to Hongjoong’s studio.

You knocked once. No answer. Maybe the music was too loud. You tried again. Still nothing. You opened the door slowly and saw your boyfriend with his earphones, mumming the lyrics. “Hongjoong.” You called him. He turned back to your figure in the doorframe. Dark bags under his eyes. You sighed. How many hours he slept? “Oh, hi Y/N.” He barely looks at you, focusing again on his computer screen. “The guys and I are going to the new restaurant… you need-…” “Okay have fun there.” “You need to come too. You are working too much.” “I don’t have time for fun, Y/N. I told you I would be busy the whole week.” Hongjoong turned back to you, giving you an annoying stare. “You can just take 2 hours of break; it won’t kill anyone.” As you walked toward him. “I really need to finish these songs. The album will be out the next month, everything needs to be ready.” You sighed, for the second times since you entered the studio. “Hongjoong let’s go eat. It will give you energy at least.” You slowly removed one of his earphones from his ear. “Y/N!” He shouted. “Why do you always need to be behind my back? I’m a grown man! So, go anywhere I’m not for once!” He said harshly. You stepped back, scared. You never saw this look in his eyes. Your eyes became watering, but you refused to cry for this and in front of him. He realized what he said. His mouth was trembling because of the confusion. He stood out from his chair and walked toward you. You blocked him with your hand, adding “Okay I won’t be behind your back again. Have fun composing.” You threw yourself out of this studio. Almost running at KQ’s hall. When your phone started to ring in your pocket. It was a message of Yeosang. “The restaurant is at 32nd Incheon Street!” Wiping a tear of your cheek, you replied “Thank you, but I won’t come. Have a nice meal.” You turned off your phone & walked to your house.

SEONGHWA

Seonghwa was always stressed when Ateez was in a comeback schedule. All the team was stressed but nobody knows why Seonghwa was having such a hard time.

Ateez are preparing for their new full album. It took them a whole month to get all their choreographies perfectly. They were all doing good, as always. Seonghwa, your boyfriend, included. But he was so stressed, he thought he couldn’t do well. The guys and you encouraged him, telling that he was doing a good work, but nothing could change his mind. So, you decided to cheer him and the rest of the members as well. After work, you bought their favorite meals and rushed to KQ building. You were so happy to make this dinner surprise for them. You never saw someone being so happy to eat like Ateez. The sound of the music in the corridor made you leave your thoughts. Wonderland was playing. You’ve listened to it 2 times, but you knew Atinys would love it! You took a look by the little window of the door. Seonghwa was practicing the chorus of Wonderland. Mingi and Yunho were stretching happily as always. Hongjoong was talking to Yeosang and Jongho on the couch. While San and Wooyoung were laying on the floor, visibly exhausted. San saw your face by the window and yelled “Y/N!”. Everyone, except Seonghwa, were looking at you. “I have a surprise for you guys!” said when you entered the room. You show them your hands full of bags. They yelled from happiness and ran to the table like little kids. “Chicken!” Said Yeosang when he saw his favorite brand. “Yes! You need to take a break guys! You are working too much.” While the members were busy picking their food in joy, you noticed that the eldest boy was still practicing his moves. “Seonghwa… Baby. Come eat too. I bought your fav-…” Your boyfriend cut you off straight, “I’m not hungry.” Everyone was looking at him. It wasn’t his habits to talk so coldly and not at you. “You should take some piece of chicken at least.” Not giving up. Yeosang coughed a bit. You knew how precious chicken for him is. “It will give you…” you continued. “Are you deaf Y/N? Or you don’t understand on purpose? Are you stupid?” Since you entered the room it was the first time, he faced you. You kind of wish that he didn’t. Hongjoong tried to say something but Seonghwa added, “We have a comeback in 2 days! Can you stop bothering us with your dishes and let us practice in peace?” He shouted at you. You looked at him sad, angry and confused. But he clearly said his thoughts. You bowed to the guys and exited the room. Hearing Mingi yelling “Yah! Hyung!”.

YUNHO

Sometimes Yunho asked about opinions. Maybe too much because you are used to say him all you think. Bad or good choice. This time he couldn’t handle it.

You are dating Yunho in secret for a year now. Only Ateez members and the staff know about your relationship. It’s too early to reveal it to the world. Yunho’s career could be in danger. Even if it was risky for him, your boyfriend always wanted to hang out with you. At restaurant, at cinema, at park, at mall, … Of course, you don’t mind all these dates. It was exceptional when you know how busy idols are. This time you were near the Han River with Yunho, walking at night. Hands in hands. He has free time and asked you on a date. You were talking about everything. Sometimes, he would push you near the water make you feel like you’re going to fall inside. “Suck a dork”, you thought. You two decided to lay on the grass for few minutes. When you started to talk. “Baby… I think we need to be more cautious.” You played with his long fingers intertwined with yours. “What do you mean Y/N?” You took a light breath, “Ateez are more and more famous. Atinys would definitively recognize you, now.” Your hands started to shake just thinking about him, being bashed in every social media. For sure, the majority of Atiny would be happy for him, but the other part would be another story. Yunho sighed, like always, when you talk about this subject. “I’ve told you that everything will be okay Y/N.” You bite your lips, he was pissed, “But we almost got caught yesterday and we were just walking in the street where no one go.” You added. You felt your boyfriend tense as he detached his hand from yours. “What are you doing? We were having a good time! Are you trying to break up with me?” he stood up from the grass. “Of course, not! I’m just scared. There’s many things we cannot do any more like-…” He cut you harshly, “Like what Y/N?” gripping his head angrily. “I know what I can do and what I cannot do! Stop babying me! You are being annoying!” He turned out and went to the way of Ateez dorm. While you were crying quietly. Everything you wanted was only safety and love. Why he couldn’t understand that.

YEOSANG

Yeosang was really shy when he debuted as an Ateez member. He has less confidence than the other boys. But when you started to date, you gave him more chance to express himself, getting confidence and he was on the good way to be a crackhead. But sometimes, he’s serious and the non-confident him was coming back.

It was a Friday night, as always you were walking to KQ for have some time with Ateez and of course your boyfriend Yeosang. You thought that you will find the boys on the couch taking a break. But when you entered, you saw the manager, hands on hips. The boys were looking at their foot, sad or disappointed. “I hope that you understand what I say, because I will say it only once.” What the heck happened? It’s the first time you saw the manager this mad. “Yes manager-nim.” Said Hongjoong as the leader. The staff left the room, as you bowed to them. Just after they left, San angrily threw his cap on the floor, swearing. Wooyoung went to him, calming his friend. Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Jongho talked about the situation. You walk toward the rest of them, where your boyfriend was. Obviously pissed too. “Hi boys. What’s happening here?” You kissed Yeosang cheek as he hugged you back. “Our performance at MCountdown was terrible.” Started Yunho. “We couldn’t hear well the music even with our earbuds.” Finish Mingi, hands on his face, sitting on the couch. “I’m sure guys that you did your best.” You tried to comfort Mingi, rubbing his back softly. “It wasn’t enough. The manager is really mad at us.” Said Yeosang. “But it’s not your fault. They should manage well when idols are performing.” You smiled. “I’m sure you didn’t heard well cause of Atiny fanchants! It’s getting more louder boys!” you giggled. The members gave you a smile, feeling a bit less depressed. Yeosang was not into it though. “We were not professional, that’s all.” Said your boyfriend angrily. “And what? Humans made mistake. You are not an alien Yeosang-ie.” You chuckled at him, thinking about him being a green alien. “Why do you always need to be funny? Can you be serious sometimes? You need to grow up!” Shouted Yeosang at you. You stopped laughing with Mingi instantly. “I-I just wanted to be nice to you.” “I don’t need you to be nice! I want you to be serious or leave! We need to practice.” As he faced the mirror. Mingi were looking at you, being sorry. You know Yeosang was mad and his self-confidence was gone. But his words hurt you. A lot. You decided to leave, taking back your stuff before slamming the door of their practice room.

Part 2

[a-kookie-with-my-tae]

Decalcomania (Part One)

Pairing: Idol!Jungkook x SoundcloudArtist!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Warnings: None. Smut in part two.

Word Count: 3,608

Masterlist. Part Two

Your stomach heaves with laughter as you watch your best friend almost drop the mixing container he was trying to toss around like a seasoned bartender. Almost falling into your drink on the counter, you sit down on the stool before looking back up at the man who put you in this condition. Jimin. He was in far worse condition than you, considering he had a few drinks himself before you had arrived, and you’re now both on your third glass. 

Wiping the tears that blur your vision, you attempt to calm yourself. Here you are, sitting in a private bar with your best friend. Your best friend who may or may not be a member of the biggest boy group of our era, BTS. 

You stare at him, recalling how you both had met. 

You were at a karaoke bar, pretty drunk and Jimin was there to blow off some steam after the weekend of performances. He was in disguise at the time, and your tipsy brain didn’t think anything of it. You don’t remember much before the moment he recognized your voice, though. You were singing some old pop song when you locked eyes with him, recognition in his features even though you didn’t know each other. At least, you didn’t know who he was. 

You had recently gained a big following on your SoundCloud account, which made your songs pretty popular. You’ve never shown your face, but you have a pretty distinct voice, which is why you never tend to sing in public. Except for this time. 

He said he recognized your voice because one of his bandmates is a fan. He didn’t specify who, and you never asked. You didn’t want to know the rest of them, you didn’t really want to know him. They live a completely different life, and you knew yourself too well to risk acting like a complete idiot and fangirling over them. 

Until Jimin asked you to help him finish a song. He loved your work, and was having trouble finishing his. You agreed, and kept in touch ever since then. 

Now, three years later, you’ve helped him write many songs, and still haven’t met any of the other members. You fear that if you do, the Chim that you know, and the Park Jimin heart throb will become one person, and for now you’d like to keep them separated.

You’ve explained this to Jimin many times, but even now, especially when he’s drunk like this, he doesn’t quite understand. To be honest, neither do you. But, you won't relent on this subject. 

“Y/N-ie…” Jimin sings, hugging me from behind as I sit on the stool. He always gets like this with alcohol, he gets all lovey. But, he hasn’t started doing all the augyo yet, so you know it’s not cut-off time. 

“What, Chimmie?” You ask turning your head to face him. 

“You listen to our music right?” 

There’s that word. Our. You know he doesn’t mean the songs you wrote together, but his band. As much as you try to keep them separate, times like this he forgets. 

“Yes, yes I do, Chim.” You smile, deciding to let it go for a night. 

“Well, what’s your favorite song from this album?” He says, resting his head on your shoulder. 

You think about this for a moment. “Bulletproof: The Eternal is definitely my favorite group one.”

“Why?” 

Again, you ponder for a moment, trying to piece your words together carefully. 

“It talks about how we aren’t alone. How no matter how big you guys get, or how many stadiums you sell out, the reason you guys have such an impact is because of ARMY. How you love each one of them because they saved you from the dark place you were in, and in return you are going to save them. I love that concept, how even though we don’t meet face to face, we still mean something to one another and affect people’s lives in big and amazing ways.”

“What about solo song?”

You smile knowing he wants you to choose Filter. You had spent many months over video chat and emailing files back and forth to create that song. It was your baby, your proudest creation with him thus far. But, there’s another song that just hits you in ways you can’t explain. 

“I can’t pick Filter, Chim, we wrote it. That’s cheating,” you say, laughing. 

He just mumbles into your neck. You already know what he asked, even if you can’t understand the words. 

“I’d have to pick My Time.”

He picks his head up at this. “Kookie’s song? Why?”

He’s curious as to why you would pick a member you haven’t met over him, you can tell. Chim is always jealous and clingy when he’s drunk, but it’s one of the things you love about him. All platonically, of course. He’s like an older brother to you, and on many occasions has he called you his little sister. You didn't have any siblings, he was the closest you had.

“Are you jealous, Oppa?” You really don’t want to explain the reasoning behind picking that song, so you try to distract him, just as you do every time he mentions Jungkook. You don’t want to admit to him that Jungkook is your bias and every song he sings just makes your insides light up in a way that makes you feel alive. That your heart flutters at the sound of his voice, and the lyrics he sings relate to you in a way you never thought any song except your own could.

“You’re trying to distract me, aren’t you. You only call me Oppa when you’re drunk, sad, or trying to change the subject. That’s only your second glass so I know you’re not drunk, and unless you’re secretly depressed as fuck and good at hiding it, I think your’e trying to change the subject.” he pulls away and turns your stool so you’re facing him. “Why won’t you tell me why you picked Kookie’s song?” 

His eyes squint at you while your face flushes with heat. 

“I-I…” You look down, trying to think of something. 

All this is interrupted by loud knocking at the door. 

“Jimin-ssi…..” An all-too-familiar voice sing-songs through the door taht causes your eyes to widen even more with fear. You’d know that voice anywhere. 

It belongs to your favorite person in the world, Jungkook. 

Okay, that might be an overstatement. But, he is your favorite member of BTS, besides Jimin, of course, but you don’t count Jimin.  Jimn is your best firned, someone who is completely separate from the other members due to knowing him very personally for a number of years. Jimin is just, Jimin. 

But, as of right now, you are contemplating murder becuase he is opening the door. 

“Ya, Kookie! What did I say about calling me that? You’ve known me for how many years and still! The disrespect…” Jimin continues on, but his words fade as you focus on the angelic face before you.. He is ethereal, that’s the only way to put it. His skin has a golden glow, and a smile that lights up the room in your eyes. His light dimples are on show as he laughs at his hyung, eyes crinkling in a comforting way. 

Fuck. He’s even more beautiful in person. 

“...right, Y?N?” The sound of Jimin mentioning you snaps you out of your daze as Jungkook directs his gaze at you. You subconsciously hold your breath as his eyes widen in surprise. He obviously wasn’t expecting you here, with the way he came in. His face flushes at the realization that there’s someone else, albeit a girl, in Jimin’s room. 

“Um, I don’t know. I guess it depends on context.” You try to formulate a proper response, but not knowing what Jimin said made you have to create a vague one. Hoping that his drunk mind won’t notice, you avert you gaze from Jungkook, face flushing with heat. 

“Context? He never speaks to me like a friend, Y?N! We’ve known each other for 8 years and you still are so proper! That’s so rude!” Jungkook doesn’t laugh at him this time, attention focused solely on you. This makes you flush even further. 

“He’s obviously doing it to get a reaction. He’s teasing you because you’re friends, so it’s not disrespectful, it’s actually kind of funny.” You keep you eyes on the glass at the table, trying not to make eye contact with the hypothetical love of your life. 

“Well-”

“I’m sorry, Hyung. I didn’t know you had a girl over. I’ll leave you two alone…” Jungkook starts to trun back toward the door when Jimin starts laughing. But not normal laughter, no. He looks like he’s about to pass out from how funny the idea is. 

“Wait… You think that Y/N and I are…? No, oh my God. she’s like my little sister, Kook.” 

Jungkook’s freezes and turns around.

“So, you guys aren’t about to fuck?”

This causes you to choke on your drink, making Jimin rush over to you in worry while you have a coughing fit. 

“Jungkook, you almost killed her with that foul talk.” He turns to give Jungkook his best pout. “That’s my best friend, you meanie. Plus, Rogue and I would never happen like that. We know too much weird shit about each other.”

Your eyes widen in shock when Jimin lets your stage name slip. Slowly turning toward Jungkook, you meet his gaze, his eyes wider than your own. 

Jimin gasps when he realizes what he did. 

“Oh, my goodness. Now you’re both gonna be hella nervous. Y/N, did I mention that Jungkook is who introduced me to your music? He’s the reason I recognized you and we started working together. And don’t think that I didn’t figure out who your bias is, little miss ‘My Time’...”

Both of you stay frozen in shock as Jimin rambles on neither moving a muscle as you gaze into each other’s eyes in shock. 

Jimin finally gets the hint that you both are no longer listening and looks at you both. 

“Shit, you guys both need a drink. You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

This breaks whatever spell the two of you were under and you turn your stool back toward the counter top, downing the rest of your tequila sunrise. Or, whatever weird combination jimin created to try and make it. In your peripheral, you see Jungkook sit in the stool next to you. Not that he had much of a choice. The mini bar only has three stools and you are conveniently sat right in the middle. 

Jimin goes back behind the counter to continue mixing whatever monstrosity he was creating before Jungkook knocked. 

You sit in silence as Jimin continues to ramble on about whatever things drunk Jimin thinks of. Jungkook is a stone statue next to you, not moving a single muscle een as Jimin sets a drink in front of him. You’re too afraid to say a word and break the deafening silence between the two of you, as you have drowned out Jimin’s words long before. 

He listens to your music. He knows who you are, the deepest parts of you, for he has heard your songs, your lyrics, and that fact has you frozen, afraid to say a single word in the possibility that you might say something wrong. 

He knows you, but only as Rogue. And why does that fact bother you so much?

“So…” Jungkook tries to break the ice between you two, stll staring at the filled glass in front of him. “You’re Rogue…”

His sentence seems more like a question than a statement, and maybe it is. Maybe the fact hasn’t quite registered in both of your minds that the other is truly sitting right next to them. Maybe that ‘maybe’, is a little more definite. 

“Yeah, I guess I am,” is all that you can muster up, speaking in the smallest voice that you ever have. You down the new drink that Jimin has set in front of you, which is somehow even more disgusting than the last, and turn towards where he stands in the middle of the room, apparently doing karaoke now. Surprisingly, even drunk, Jimin still sings like an angel. You smile at your best friend, enjoying his softness while it lasted. He’s usually way too hard on himself, you know that better than anyone, so it’s nice to see him so… free. 

“I can’t believe that I’m sitting next to you right now…” You barely make out what he says, probably because he never meant for you to hear it. You turn towards Jungkook, face flushing to match his own once he realizes he said that out loud. 

“I should be saying that. You’re the World’s Most Handsome Face of 2019 according to TC Chandler. Not to mention you’re not only South Korea’s, but America’s hot shot. The world literally breathes for you and you’re saying you can’t believe you’re sitting next to me?” You barely register the words you say as they come out of your mouth, the alcohol hitting you more than you thought after downing three glasses in the past five minutes. 

His face flushes even more, if possible, as you say this, his mouth resembling a fish as it opens and closes in shock to your words. He looks out at Jimin to avoid your gaze.

“Well, I mean, it doesn’t feel like I’m all that…” He stutters a bit in his nervousness. “To me, it feels like I’m the nervous fan and you’re the big celebrity. And nobody’s ever met you, or even know what you look like. Do you know how it feels to obsess over someone’s music and be the only fan to know who they are?” 

He stares dead in your eyes at this last statement, his words rendering you the speechless, stuttering one. 

“I just…” You can’t look away from his eyes. They’re like chocolate orbs swirling with warmth and wonder, you could get lost in them forever if you really wanted to. 

He looks away, breaking the trance you were in. you turn towards Jimin, thinking that if he’s out of your sight, it’ll be easier to speak with him, pretend he’s not Jeon Jungkook, the boy sweetheart of the world. 

“I’ve listened to you for almost two years now,” he begins, still not looking toward you. “You didn’t have a following then, and your music may not have been the most professionally made, but I heard what you were saying, I connected with it. I watched you improve and felt… Well, I felt like I connected with you. That I understood you and you understood me.”

You smile. “That’s the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever heard about my music.” You turn towards Jungkook, staring deeply at him even though he still wasn’t looking at you. “Thank you, Jungkook. Really, I mean it.”

He looks up at you then, smiling back at you. “You’re welcome.”

You’re met by a moment of silence, both of you just staring at each other. The world around you starts to disappear and all you see is him. But, not the Jungkook that you’re used to. This is the real him, not the one you see on television. 

‘Ahem.” Jimin breaks you both out of your daze as you jump in your stool. You face towards him, face flushing red once more. “Does this mean you’re gonna steal my co-writer now? Because I really like her.” 

Jimin hangs around you, arms draping over you as he pouts at his other best friend. Jungkook’s eyes widen at the information he just recieved. 

“Wait, Y/N is your ghost writer? The one helping you that you wouldn’t tell us about?” 

“Well, yeah, maybe…” Jimin pouts even more, looking at the floor instead of Jungkook. “She didn’t want to meet you guys, thought she would embarrass herself or something. But, the truth is I didn’t want you guys to meet her either. She’s my best friend, and I didn’t want you guys taking away the little time that I get to spend with her…”

You coo at his cuteness. You know it’s time to cut him off now. Nonetheless, you still place your hands on his arms that are wrapped around your shoulders. “Aw… Chimmy…”

Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow at your skinship. Is he… jealous? No, he’s probably just confused. You scold yourself for even thinking that someone like Jungkook could be jealous of someone else hugging you. You just met the boy, for Christ’s sake.

“We should probably get this one to bed…” You start, bringing Jungkook’s attention to you. 

“No…” You hear a whine from Jimin as he buries his face in the crook of your neck. You giggle lightly as his breath tickles your neck. 

“Chim, it’s almost 3AM and you have to get up at 8 to start recording, so you need to get to bed.” You’re used to acting like a mom around Jimin when he’s like this. Makes you feel like one, too. 

“Fine…” He agrees, but makes no move to let go of you. You try to gain his attention only to hear soft snores next to your ear. You smile as his goofiness. Not tired, my butt. 

You turn your gaze back toward Jungkook. “Could you help me with this,” you ask, gesturing toward a sleepy drunk Jimin. He smiles before standing up and wrapping Jimin’s arm over his shoulder then picking him up bridal style. The sight makes you stifle a giggle, bringing a fist to your mouth. 

Once You both get Jimin tucked into bed, the room is once again filled with an awkward silence. Your eyes wander everywhere but Jungkook, trying to stop yourself from saying something stupid without Jimin here to save you. 

“So… you’re Rogue,” he says, still staring at Jimin’s sleeping form. The music from the karaoke is still running in the background, creating a soothing ambience. You turn towards the machine and unplug it, shrouding the room in silence, other than the sound of each others breathing and Jimin’s soft snores. 

“Yeah.”

“And you help him write songs?” Jungkook meets your gaze, eyes brimming with criousity about you. 

You pause.

“Yeah.”

At this point, you don’t know if that’s the only word you can remember how to speak, but it sure seems like it. 

There is a beat of quiet. No movement, no words. Just the two of you looking at each other. You open your mouth to speak your parting, but Jungkook speaks before you can. 

“I know we just met, but can I ask you a favor?” 

You pause, questions filling your head as your brows furrow. You don’t have time to respond before Jungkook starts rambling.

“I mean, it’s just that I really like your music. Like, really like your music, and I’m kind of stuck? I don’t know how to phrase it…” He scratches the back of his neck as he bites his lip, looking at the ground. “I released a teaser song a few months ago named Decalcomania. The fans were all so excited for it and, to be honest, so was I. But, after the teaser came out, I couldn’t finish it. It’s like something is missing and I don’t know what.”

You nod your head as you watch him, instantly recognizing the song he is talking about. You have had many ideas for a response song, but you don’t want to tell him that. 

“It’s just…” he pauses, pursing his lips before looking into your eyes determinately. “Will you help me finish it?”

Your eyes widen in surprise. Jeon Jungkook just asked you to help him finish the song that you’ve spent months fangirling over? First Jimin, now Jungkook. Who’s next? Billie Eilish? 

You honestly had no idea your music could even reach someone like him, someone who seemed so untouchable. And yet, that’s exactly how he feels about you. That you’re unfathomable, unreachable to him. 

“Okay,” you say, nodding slightly. “I’ll help you finish it.”

Jimin had surprised you earlier with plane tickets. This weekend was their last batch of concerts before their break back in Korea. Luckily, you’ve studied the language vigorously in your avid listening of kpop, little does he know. But, he wants you to come back to Busan with him so he can show you around Korea during his break. ‘It’s only fair,’ he said once you arrived. ‘You’re showing me around your hometown, so I want to show you around mine.’

You smile at Jungkook. “I’ll be showing Jimin around Savannah this week before the concert, and I’m flying back with him because he wants to show me around Busan.”

You see his eyes widen at your answer. 

“I don’t know if you want to work while you’re here, or not. But, I will be in your hometown for the next two months if you want to work together some more then.” You head towards the door, not trusting yourself to be around him anymore. Your face remains serious, but the flush in your face will ultimately give you away if you stay. “I’ll have Jimin give you my number when he wakes up.”

You open the door and pause, looking back at him. “Goodnight, Jungkook. It was nice to meet you. I think we’ll have a good time working together.” 

Then, with a smile, you left, leaving a poor, shocked, bunny standing in the middle of Jimin’s suite. 

That was three weeks ago.

[weirdlandtv]

Like the 1960s generation had The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan, the Big Three of the 1980s were Prince, Michael Jackson, and Madonna. Their new albums weren’t just song collections, they were messages uttered by the Oracle up on the mountain, echoing across the valley. They were events, statements, re-incarnations. Each new album presented a new persona for fans to imitate and for critics to evaluate, or, in the case of Prince, decipher. (Artists, back then, had to change with each new release or else be considered irrelevant. David Bowie entered the 1980s a smart yuppie, George Michael in the span of 7 years went from sparkling teen idol to sensitive, searching biker cowboy.)

Michael Jackson and Prince were regarded as rival gods, with the former more commercially successful but the latter preferred by most serious music critics (though in reality, fans, like me, liked both). Michael Jackson played games with tabloid journalists, who in turn responded with growing hostility; Prince played pranks on music critics, who wilfully allowed themselves to be deceived and wowed by this inscrutable prodigy.

Michael Jackson’s Avalon was Neverland, a fantasy dream that always invited ridicule (though not from me); Prince’s Mount Olympus was Paisley Park, a place deemed so mythical that fans constructed their own maps from the few photos and bits of footage that existed of it, and then endlessly speculated on what life was like inside of it: the parties, the concerts, sacred rituals, whisperings, the spontaneous nightly sessions. “Did you know,” they’d say, wide-eyed, “Prince has this huge vault of original masters and unreleased music right under Paisley Park? Only he knows the key code.” Whole albums (all masterpieces of course) had disappeared into that vault, never to be heard by ordinary mortals. And he never slept: nobody had ever caught him sleeping. He just went on and on, creating music. That was Prince, the enigmatic wonder, the living love symbol, and flamboyant question mark.

I still find it strange to realize so many of the artists I just mentioned, who so energetically populated my childhood and early teens, are dead. Michael Jackson, Prince, David Bowie, and George Michael all died within 7 years of each other; but there’s also Whitney Houston, Freddie Mercury, Kurt Cobain, and so many more. (Compare 1960s giants Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones and Bob Dylan, who are still touring and releasing records.)

When Prince died, a little more than three years ago today, I was on Texel, an island to the north of Holland, where I live. I checked my phone, checked the news, like you so stupidly do every now and then, and then saw the incredible headline. A sunny day, clouds seemed to appear that moment. Some people love celebrity deaths and follow juicy rumor sites about who punched who and who stepped out of the limo without their knickers on; me, I get depressed. It’s like having swallowed a stone. The sensationalist cries around every celeb death to me are like a beehive of bad vibes, a pest, and I have to stay away from it as far as possible if I want to protect my mental health, or what’s left of it. Prince’s death made me take things slow for a week or so. I have to mentally chew on such things, change my settings, ease into the new reality, let my heart adjust to its new weight. I’ve often had to deal with death in my life, sometimes it’s as if every high-profile death shocks me back into that familiar feeling of dread and despair.

Though Michael Jackson’s Neverland has turned into a derelict theme park that carries the curse of being unsellable, Prince’s Paisley Park has become a museum. Occasionally, browsing the internet, I see photos of it, and I’m always struck, kind of uneasily, about how soulless it seems. What does the lair of an extravagant hermit look like? What did I expect? Not something that looks like the atrium of a New Age company maybe. Looking at the interior, those sad police photos that were released last year, I can’t help but see the stupendous mundanity of it all. The building itself, somewhere in a suburb outside of Minneapolis, resembles a bunker, and though the pyramid skylights, that vaguely resemble guard towers, provide some natural light, the rest of the building is artificially lit, but dark. The recording studio is just that. Some of the walls have sayings like “Everything You Think Is True”. Stained glass with stars, clouds, and guitars. There’s a potted plant here, and an ugly tangle of phone cords in the corner there. Prince’s bedroom was sparse with empty green walls, and a plastic trash can you can buy at your local Walmart (but he never slept of course). The legendary vault reminds me of the storage room of my dad’s old electronics company, with its disorderly shelves and half-opened cardboard boxes. And everywhere, in every corridor and every space, there’s Prince iconography, but it’s rather bland, like the cover of a cheap unofficial biography.

For Prince, it must have been strange living in your own mausoleum.

The music that came from that place though. I believe PARADE (1986) was the first full album he recorded there, and then everything that came afterwards. My uncle was a real Prince fanatic, taking a slew of albums with him whenever he stayed with us, bootlegs too, so from an early age I became quite well-versed in all things Prince. Bits of his lyrics are as familiar to me as old family sayings. Personal favorites are the albums 1999 (1982), BATMAN (1989), and the LOVE SYMBOL ALBUM (1992). I like the street-smart humor of his early stuff, the raw passion, the in-your-face sex metaphors, with symbols as loud as cymbals, just the wild mercury sound of it; later on, his work became more spiritual, and harder for me to follow. His whole being though was music, every movement was a melody, every step a beat; he created music the way other people breathe. He had more songs in him than a duck has quacks. If you listen to the posthumous release, PIANO AND A MICROPHONE 1983, it’s as if the piano, microphone and artist aren’t three separate things, but one organism, bleeding and generating music; it features some wonderful, loose playing. It seems to me that towards the end of his life, in physical pain and unable to play a piano or guitar unless stuffed with elephant tranquilizers, he started to drift, and drift further, until he fell over the edge.

Like Bob Dylan, whose mystique and inaccessibility he shared, Prince had a habit of frustrating his fans, by deliberately excluding a great song from an otherwise so-so album and storing it in his vault, or by making his music hard to buy or even find (online, before he died, there was almost nothing). That’s one reason I kind of stopped following him; the other is the depressing decline of his songwriting since the 1990s. Looking at his later albums, which I first dutifully bought until I didn’t anymore, there’s hardly anything I really like. None of the best-of compilations collect anything from after the 90s. What happened? Age is part of it of course. A decline in quality is inevitable, most musical artists do their best work in their 20s and 30s. It’s also possible Prince’s brand of singing about his women like they are divine vaginas simply went out of style. Once cheeky and outrageous (his work was why Parental Advisory stickers were invented), his songs no longer shock us 21st centurians. We’ve seen so much already. Dirty sex wasn’t the only topic he sang about of course (far from it), but it’s the one he pushed forward the most as part of his image; his “royal badness” was part of his appeal. (The BATMAN soundtrack originally was going to feature Michael Jackson as Batman, the force of good, and Prince as the Joker, representing decadence, sin, evil.)

But his supposed “badness” was an act of course. The cocky poses, flashy gestures and mean diva looks were an obvious shield against the outside world, a theatrical defense mechanism. An attempt to dazzle people before they can get to you. When you’re shy—and he of course was the shyest—you feel like everyone is constantly watching you, and you become overly aware of how you look, how you walk, how you come across; you are constantly aware of your physical being taking up space. So what do you do when you’re an artist? You perform. Everything you do becomes a kind of performance, a conscious act. It gives you a feeling of control: you know why people are watching, because you’re making them watch you. But the essence of it is always shyness and nerves.

There’s something endearing about that 1983 footage of him being invited on stage for an impromptu jam by James Brown, who a few minutes earlier had invited Michael Jackson up. Ready to upstage his rival, who had just performed some killer moves, Prince takes the stage, struts, plays some random riffs, struts some more, suddenly takes off his jacket and does some tricks with the microphone stand, claps to whip up the audience—and then as he wants to make a fast and sudden exit, he clumsily goes down knocking over a prop, stage hands hastily arriving from all sides to help him up.

He died in an elevator near the lobby, but the spot itself has been covered up by a new wall (it’s near the watchful eyes in the third image). I keep wondering what happened. Was he making his way down to the ground floor from his production offices, or was he going up from the recording studio to his bedroom to maybe sleep? One associate, questioned by police, stated that Prince had told her he “was depressed, enjoyed sleeping more than usual and was incredibly bored”, and that at his last concert, he felt like he was going to fall asleep on stage. Those were rare remarks. An intensely private person, he mostly hid his problems, not just from others, but even from himself. The end, then, was inevitable. As with Michael Jackson six years before, the drugs relieved him of his pain, and then of his life.

He never slept, and when he did, it was 4ever.

[gift-of-orzhova]

Favorite Music 2020

As usual I made a playlist with my top 10 favorite songs, you can find that here. I’ll also be linking each song or album as I go. It was a weird year but at least there was some good music to help us through.

Favorite Album The Grand Mirage - Robotaki I’ve been a Robotaki fan for a bit now, he’s previously released some EPs which I enjoyed, but this is his first album, and there are a lot of stand out songs. His production has a lot of fun texture to it, although a lot may fall into the future bass / pop genres, his sound is very distinct. His style is jazz inspired melodies with clean drums and just the right amount of crunch dropped into the mix. The album has a great diversity in the tracks from the future bass instrumentals to more straight forward pop and hip hop tracks. The album feels very organic, and not just in the instrumentation but also in the delivery, There’s no force here, just flow. Can’t wait to hear what he has in store for us next, and also to go see him live (again) when he is able to tour for this album.

Favorite EP ALL OUT - K/DA I want to preface this pick by saying that I hate Riot as a company and refuse to play League of Legends. But man there is something so cool about the premise of “league characters made a kpop group” and holy shit does the Riot music department knock it out of the park. Two years ago when POP/STARS came out I remember being an instant fan. I always hoped they would do more (pun intended), but didnt know if or when that might happen. Apparently this year was the answer. This EPs production is clean as hell, and the K/DA sound font is probably one of my favorites. Although I did have to warm up to this EP a little, I found myself playing it on repeat for a couple weeks. I think some of the lyrics feel a little forced, or maybe like they’re trying to hard to be hip but I also this it works really well. Looking past the facade of league characters, I think it’s also worth noting that the vocal performances across this album are incredible. Props to everyone involved. I’ll talk about the music video later.

Other Notable Albums and EPs The Making of a Paracosm - Kasbo Kasbo is back at it again. Great album, although I found myself liking the first half the album a lot more than the second half. There’s a couple songs on here I dont really vibe with, but there’s also some seriously incredible ones. I overall like Places We Don’t Know better, this album still definitely deserves some recognition. Pure - Glacci Glacci is so underrated. He makes this super energetic UK garage kinda stuff. The sound is super unique and I really love it. I’ll never get tired of that lead and the catchy melodies it plays. Moon Tear - Raito My favorite techno to come out this year for sure. Raito is just so good. Techno had a lot of good stuff this year from Raito, i_o, and Calvin Harris so this was a close call. Brave - Joyryde I always love hearing the combination of hip hop and edm. Joyryde really set the standard with this album, and I hope there is more at some point in time. If you like this one definitely check out the new UZ album as well. Dreamland - Glass Animals Really great pop album. The lyric “big dicks and bigger titties on the side” is honestly just a whole mood. AM 444 - i_o, Lights I felt the need to include this one in particular. i_o had some good releases this year with this one and revolution being my favorites. Wish I would be able to hear more of him in the future. This goes without saying I think but if you ever feel suicidal please talk to someone. And please check in on your friends from time to time, you never know what they’re struggling with. Rest in peace friend, I’ll always love your music.

Top 10 Songs 1. Holding On - Dabin This one came out right at the beginning of the year, not too long after he released an album. Caught me a little by surprise, I actually felt hesitant to listen at first because his album left such a sour taste in my mouth (even though I really liked some of the songs on it). But damn am I glad I checked it out. Played this song on repeat for like 2 weeks (including a trip to NYC early on in the year where this song was the only thing I played on the entire drive lmao). Can never go wrong with huge melodic chords and a good female vocal.

2. Something Comforting - Porter Robinson Oh man I am excited for Nurture to be released. I wasn’t huge on Get Your Wish (it did grow on me though), but this song fucking slaps. I love this shit. Can’t wait to go to the first Porter show within 300 miles of me after vaccines are widely distributed and shows start back up.

3. MORE - K/DA This is one of those songs where I feel like you have to talk about the music video with it or you are missing a big piece of the work. And holy shit the music video is fucking sick. They must have spent the whole fucking budget on this video. The animation is so good, the aesthetic was absolutely nailed. Pair this with a catchy song with clean production and there you go.

4. No More (Devault Remix) - DJ Snake, Devault Holy fuck Devault, this shit slaps

5. Limitless - Glacci My favorite Glacci song this year wasnt even from his album, it was from a random 2 song EP he dropped. Anyway this song is just super fun.

6. Play Pretend - Kasbo The first single from the album and also my favorite song from it, although Shut the World Out is a very close second. This song makes me happy.

7. Hollow Tips - Effin Sable Valley is such a good label, they just consistently have the best new trap music around. This is not the song off their Summer Vol. 1 I thought I was going to be obsessed with but with the amount of quality music they released I shouldnt be surprised it’d be something brand new.

8. Something From Nothing - Robotaki This song is so good, the long instrumental part at the end makes me transcend every time.

9. 1000 Miles - Machinedrum, Sub Focus I really need to listen to more liquid dnb. This song and Get Through by Rameses B are really good and I need to find more stuff like them.

10. Can’t get you out of my mind - Dreamcatcher This song sounds like a classic from 2005 but it actually came out this year and it’s so good. I have distinct memories of jumping around my apartment at 3 am listening to this song.

That’s all for this year, but if you like these pics and want more of the stuff I really like, here is another playlist that I fill with all of my favs. Here’s to a good 2021 for music.

[optimistic-violinist]

Guys, we’re getting the band together!

Wow! Another fanfic! This time inspired by the lovely @not-so-innocent-bi-sander ‘s CALM band au, which you can find here.

summary: how Roman manages to get them all together in one place and pitch his idea.

word count: 2500 ish

Enjoy!!

“Mr. Brooks? A messenger dropped this off for you this morning.”

Logan looked up from his phone as he walked into his office and nodded gratefully at his secretary, taking the letter from him.

“Thank you Dominic. If you need me, I’ll be going over the latest mix in my office until my meeting at eleven.”

Logan Brooks: music producer, DJ, remixer, and EDM composer extraordinaire. Logan sat down at his desk, taking a moment to look out over the skyline, before turning his attention to the letter he had been handed.

To: Mr. Logan Brooks was scrawled on the front of the heavy, cream colored envelope. It was sealed with a bright red, wax seal that made Logan quirk his eyebrow. That was a bit extravagant. He grabbed the letter opener he kept in his desk and deftly opened it.

Dear Mr. Logan Brooks,

You are cordially invited to a business dinner at my home this Friday evening at 7. I am a big fan of your work and would love to discuss a collaboration with you if at all possible. Do you have any allergies I should know of? Please let me know in your RSVP.

Highest regards,

Mr. Roman Lyons

Now that was a surprise. Roman Lyons was a well-known actor, having won several awards over the past year alone. What on earth could he want with Logan’s line of work?

But still, the invite was intriguing. He figured there would be no harm in seeing what this collaboration was all about. After all, if worse came to worse he could always decline. Rising from his seat, he returned to the front desk.

“Dominic. Send an RSVP to Mr. Lyons through the same messenger service. Tell him I’ll be there.”

Patton Campbell was probably the most down to earth celebrity anyone had ever met. Granted, he was still up and coming, but he was talented and his fan base was growing fast. Even with the added attention recently, he still loved to go out and mingle with the crowd after a show, signing autographs, taking photos, or just thanking them for coming.

He was enjoying the buzz from the crowd as they slowly trickled out of the lobby and back into the parking lot, ready to go home after the concert. He was still smiling as someone came up and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Patton Campbell, correct?”

He turned to face the newcomer and his jaw nearly dropped.

“Yeah, yeah! That’s me! And you’re-“

The man laughed. “Roman Lyons. That was a sweet concert you just put on my friend.”

“Oh wow, I mean, thank you! I- I really enjoy what I do, so it’s always a pleasure.”

“I’m glad. It’s important to be passionate about one’s career. Say, what are you doing this Friday evening?”

“Oh, I- um, I don’t think I have anything. I’d have to double check of course, but, why?”

“I’m having a dinner at my home with a couple other artists. I have an idea for a collaboration and was wondering if you would be interested in joining us.”

Patton didn’t know what to say. “I- yes! Oh my gosh, I would love to! I’ll be there!”

“Excellent! I look forward to it. I’ll have my agent contact yours with all the information. See you then!”

Patton stood in blissful shock as he watched one of his favorite actors ever walk away after, not only, congratulating him on his show, but giving him a personal dinner invitation.

He needed to sit down.

----------------

Virgil was finally happy to have a moment to relax. He had been working non-stop on his latest album and had just sent the final cut to his producer to make sure it was good to go. With a groan, he flopped back onto his bean bag chair that he kept at the studio for that express purpose. Being a solo artist was a lot of work, that was for sure. He had convinced his assistant editor to take the night off and had finished up the album himself. The punk rock guitarist had just needed some time alone.

He was dozing off, enjoying the quiet, considering playing a game on his phone when there was a quiet knock at the door and the click of it opening. Virgil’s eyes snapped open and settled into a glare when he saw who it was.

“I already told you I’m not interested,” he said loudly, relaxing back into the bean bag.

“You haven’t even heard my idea yet!” Roman replied closing the door behind him.

“Well it’s your idea so, the answer is still no.” The actor heaved a deep breath, trying to keep his cool, and Virgil smirked, pleased to get a rise out of the man.

“I know you like to work alone,” Roman finally said, voice a lot softer than expected. “But I can’t help but think that that must get… lonely sometimes. This Friday evening at 7, Patton Campbell and Logan Brooks will be coming to my place for dinner. You’re invited. And if after that you decide you still don’t want a part in it, I won’t bother you further.” He held up a business card and set it on the desk where the sound mixer sat. “I hope you’ll come.” And he left.

Well- heck.

Now he kind of wanted to go.

He and Logan and interacted a bit in the past and he had never met Patton, but the guy seemed nice enough (not that he wasn’t totally convinced it wasn’t just a front). And just the four of them wouldn’t be too awkward.

Or it could be the most awkward thing of his life.

Virgil groaned, pressing his hands into his eyes, fighting against the new emotions. He had tried working with others one time and that had led to him going to ongoing therapy for the last five years and a scandal of considerable size that had taken months to work through. So no, he was not eager to try it again.

But Roman had seemed to cut right to the heart of the issue. If he really admitted it to himself, he was lonely. He didn’t do friends anymore; he couldn’t, not after last time.

He finally stood up and stalked over to the card Roman had left. It was a business card with the actor’s address and (personal?) phone number scribbled on the back. Virgil hated this- this… speck of hope.

He shoved it in his back pocket and grabbed his jacket, flipping the lights off on his way out. Maybe this time could be different.

He doubted it though.

 ---------------------

Roman peeked out the door and into the entryway. Everything was set up and ready to go. Two out of the three of his guests had arrived and were making small talk near the door, but he had to admit, he was quite disappointed that their resident punk rocker had failed to show. Ah well. He poised himself, ready to swoosh open the doors and welcome his guests, when his phone buzzed. Odd. Roman pulled it out to see a text from an unknown number.

Running late. Be there in ten. [skull emoji]

Roman smiled. This was going to be an excellent evening.

---------------

“Friends! Welcome to my home! Thank you so much for coming.”

Logan and Patton looked up from their conversation, Patton smiling warmly, dressed in a light blue flannel shirt, and Logan, wearing a black button up shirt, merely looking intrigued.

“Glad to be here,” Logan replied, adjusting his glasses. “Are we expecting anyone else this evening?”

“Our third guest will be arriving shortly, he’s running a bit late I’m afraid. While we wait, let’s move to the dining room.”

Roman’s house was indeed quite ostentatious. Dark wood, white marble floors, with red upholstery and gold detailing really made the place seem quite lavish. And of course there was the fact that it was, well, huge.

“Your house is amazing, Mr. Lyons!” Patton exclaimed as they made their way down the hall.

“Please, call me Roman. And thank you, I’m quite pleased with how it turned out. “ His phone buzzed. “Excuse me. Please, take a seat. Our third guest just arrived.”

Patton watched Roman go, then turned back to Logan excitedly, taking the seat across from him. “Who do you think it’s going to be?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea. While you and I may be in the music industry, there is no connection between the three of us. I expect we’re in for a surprise.”

No sooner had he spoken than Roman returned toting a leather jacket clad Virgil Grimm in tow.

“Oh. My. Goodness,” Patton breathed. No one could probably tell based off Patton’s look alone, but Virgil Grimm was one of Patton’s favorite artists. His lyrics were absolute masterpieces.

“Sup,” Virgil greeted. Roman gestured for him to take a seat and he chose the spot next to Patton, almost sending the country singer into a heart attack.

“Hi! I’m Patton!” he greeted, unable to contain himself any longer and extended his hand, which Virgil awkwardly shook.

“Virgil.”

“Big fan of your work. Actually, big fan of all your work. You guys are amazing!” He stopped, realizing he had started to gush, and hoping he wouldn’t be kicked out or anything. Roman smiled.

“I have to agree with Patton. You guys are amazing. But, there’s plenty of time to talk business later. First, food!”

A couple servers came in, each carrying two plates, placing one in front of each artist. They were met with a quiet chorus of thank you’s as they ducked back out.

“Geez Roman, you pulled out all the stops, didn’t you?” Virgil asks, admiring his steak, baked potato, and bowl of fresh fruit.

“It does look quite good,” Logan agreed, placing his napkin on his lap before digging in.

Patton and Roman were the ones that kept the conversation going throughout dinner. They jumped from Roman’s most recent projects to how Logan got into the music industry in the first place to asking after the inspiration for the lyrics of Virgil’s various songs. It was a little awkward, but not for long. Virgil hated to say it, but he was enjoying himself.

“How about we take dessert in the lounge?” Roman suggested. The others followed him, Virgil and Logan quietly discussing the pros and cons of various sound editing techniques, and ended up in a comfy lounge. Bookshelves lined the walls, a couple couches were centered around a coffee table in front of a fireplace with a TV mounted above it on one side of the room, while a grand piano took up the other half of it. A small display of sweets was set up on the coffee table and they moved to sit on the couches.

“Now-“ Roman began only to be cut off by Virgil.

“So help me, if you say, “now you’re probably wondering why I’ve brought you all here today.””

“Psh, ah, I was not going to say that.” A pause. “But since you brought it up, you’re probably wondering why I’ve brought you all here today.”

“Yes, that would be accurate.”

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious.”

“Very well then. I told all of you I was interested in a collaboration and that’s true, however what I didn’t tell you was that it would be a collaboration between the four of us.” They looked amongst themselves all thinking the same thing: they were all so different. What could they possibly do together?

“I want to form a band.”

All three seemed to react at once. Patton with a laugh and a surprised smile, Logan with a frank, “Absurd,” and Virgil with a growl as he seemed to sink in on himself.

“Now hear me out-” Roman began.

“Not to be rude,” Logan interrupted. “But the thought is preposterous. We all come from different genres of music and you,” he said, waving his hand, “don’t even have a presence in the music world.

“Come on now Logan,” Patton said. “We have more in common than you think. Music…”

They waited, but he didn’t continue.

“Oh he’s done. As I was saying-”

“I am Moana!” 

They were all left in stunned silence as Roman belted out the random Disney line. It was surprisingly good.

“Have you ever felt like nobody was there?”

“Dear Evan Hansen?” Patton whispered to Virgil.

“I want adventure in the great wide somewhere! I want it more than I can tell!” he sung, standing up and moving to the more open part of the room.

“Beauty and the Beast,” Virgil muttered.

“You sound really good Roman,” Patton said.

“Yes,” Logan mused. “He’s not wrong.”

“Oh, ah, thank you,” Roman said, clearing his throat. “Come on, don’t you see! We could make this work! I’ve always wanted to sing, but the right role never came up. So, I thought, why not take matters into my own hands? And you three! You’re all brilliant! With me as vocals, Virgil on guitar, Patton on bass, and Logan on synthesizer, how could we not be huge?”

“So is that what this is about?” Virgil said. “Being huge? In case you haven’t noticed Princey we’re all kind of famous.”

“Which is why…” Roman drawled. “We keep our identities a secret.”

He was met with confused silence, maybe a cricket chirp.

“What-”

“Think about it. Combined, we have the resources to keep this completely internal. To write, record, and produce our own music without anyone having to know who we are. And then we can see how good we are together. Will people listen to us for our music? Or just for our names.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Patton finally said. “And I think it sounds like a lot of fun. I’ll need to brush up my bass skills though.”

“The idea is intriguing, I admit. Assuming we can work around all of our schedules, I’d be willing to give it a try.”

“Virgil?” The look Roman gave him was pleading, but also respectful; whatever Virgil’s decision was, he would accept it.

“You know I hate working with others,” he finally said. “But, I’ll give it a shot.”

Roman couldn’t help the whoop of excitement with a rather enthusiastic fist pump.

“Thank you guys. Thank you guys so much. I can’t wait to start working with you.”

[katiescarlettx0]

Malcolm.

Malcolm.

Knock Knock. The first song that I ever heard by you that was introduced to me by one of my childhood friends in 2010. Eight years ago.

Senior Skip Day. I spent my freshman year of college singing along to this on repeat because I loved the line "Enjoy the best things in your life cause you ain't gonna get to live it twice." That was even my Facebook header for some time. I still believe in those lyrics.

The Spins. I would purposely find any excuse to dance around and rap to this song. I honestly still do on a regular basis because I always have fun doing it.

Kool Aid and Frozen Pizza. I would spend summer nights in the yard of a friend's house with a group of us laughing and creating memories with this song playing in the background late into the night.

Live Free.  When I just wasn't feeling like myself or when people were getting to me, this song would be put on. It kept me motivated.

Life Ain't Easy. This has always provided me with a reminder that while it ain't easy, it's worth it and that everything would work itself out in the end. It always did.

Blue Slide Park. The moment I heard this song for the first time was the exact moment that I knew that you were going to take the rap game by storm, and you did.

Party On Fifth Ave. This became a party anthem, one that still holds that rank and probably always will thanks to your legacy.

Frick Park Market. I would drive around with one of my friends with benefits a few years back and rap along to this flawlessly. I always loved this song because I loved how you never forgot where you came from.

Smile Back. I used to blast this song when I was feeling angry or petty, because it spoke to my soul and kept my attitude alive when I needed it to be.

Up All Night. A song I probably listened to over 500 times since it's release because one of my exes loved it and had it on repeat in the car. I never complained because I was just happy he finally started listening to you.

Missed Calls. I used this song as the song I turned to, to get over a fucked up break up. I had this song on repeat and drilled the words "I'll be fine on my own" into my head and ultimately I was. Those words got me through some of the worst times.

Loud. I loved blasting this song because I truly always liked my music "real loud" (still do) and I felt that you got it.

Weekend. This song got me through my week of work, cause it kept me thinking about the weekend and how I'd be good by then.

Thoughts from a Balcony. This song completely blew me away the first time I heard it. It was a complete work of art. With lyrics like "All we got is memories, so what the fuck is time?" how could it not be seen as that? It was that moment where I appreciated your creativity even more.

The Mourning After. Honestly, I still listen to this song on a daily basis and it may just be my favorite song from you. It's the complete opposite of what today's rap music is.

Watching Movies. The opening to this song gives me chills every single time I hear it. It did the first time, and it does to this day.

O.K. My cousin introduced this song to me. This is probably one of my favorite collaborations you've done. You can catch me blasting it in the car, windows down, rapping along always.

Best Day Ever. I always used this song to reflect on life and I still do. To be completely honest, I probably always will.

Get Up. Anytime I was feeling low or that things weren't gonna ever be okay again, I would listen to this song. I needed the reminder that "Life goes on, days get brighter". Sometimes, I still need to hear those words.

Donald Trump. The way people would react the moment this song came on made me so fucking proud of you, cause you made it where I knew you were going to from the moment I first heard you.

Wake Up. Another song my ex and I used to blast in the car. He loved the lyrics and I was obsessed with the beat.

In The Air. This song was a complete guilty pleasure for me. It was so mellow and chill. I played it nonstop and I still get that excitement in my chest when Spotify randomly throws it at me.

Dang! The first time I ever heard this, I was blown the fuck away. You managed to flawlessly put together something so different and you nailed it.

My Favorite Part. You could sense the love and admiration in this song. It made me hope and pray that I could find something like this with someone. I still hope for it. For now, I do my make up to this, listen in the car, wherever. It makes me happy, hopeful.

Come Back To Earth. Just when I thought you couldn't blow me away more than you already have, you released this and yet again I found myself amazed by your talent.

Dunno. I liked this song in general, but then Spotify released your acoustic session after your passing and I found myself in tears at how fucking beautiful this was. What other rapper can take one of their rap songs and turn it into a beautiful, slowed down with a piano piece that brought me to tears.

Small Worlds. It's like as I went on listening to each track on the album, I continued to be amazed. There was something about this album, this song, that just had me excited for your future and proud of your continued success.

Self Care. I felt that this song is one of the most important songs you have ever released. Most people forget how important self care is and the fact you put the message out there and the thought in people's head to treat themselves right was meaningful in itself.

So It Goes. When this album came out, this was my favorite song off of it. I loved the beat, the lyrics, every single thing about it. But now, all it does is cause a stabbing pain in my chest every single time I hear it. All I can think about is how I watched your Instagram story you posted, feeling content and proud. The chills I felt listening to the ending playing over my phone as I watched. Never in a million years did I think this was the last post I would ever see from you. I didn't know the next day, one of my favorite artists was going to be gone.

I read a post that said it seemed like the ending to this song with the setting of your Instagram story seemed like an "end credits" for a movie and looking back, it does. It was an ending to something, someone, so special. Although you will never have the opportunity to read this, you've done more for me that I can ever express. You've done more for music than most ever will. There will never be another you.

Music has been there for me when no one else was and especially his. Mac was the first artist I followed from the start of their career and watched grow into success. I was so proud of all his success. It was a privilege and an absolute honor to have had the chance to be blessed with his music, his talent, his legacy.

I think that's why it actually hurts knowing that his young life was cut short when his music was a major part of mine. His music was there through the good and more importantly, to help me through the bad.

Mental Health and Substance Abuse is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Please, if you suffer from either, do not be afraid to reach out for help. I believe in you.

Honestly, a year later and I'm still absolutely heartbroken and will be for a long time. I am so sorry for the battles you faced. My mind is heavy and I truly hope there was no suffering in the end and that you are at peace.

Rest easy, baby. Thank you for reminding me that life goes on, days get brighter.

So It Goes...

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Outside the Rain - Harry Styles Series (Part 3)

Part 2

Two weeks had gone by since the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame Ceremony. You were now back in Los Angeles, getting back in the studio, while Harry was back in London. You two had spoken off and on ever since you both when your separate ways. The more you you two got to know one another, the more you were starting to develop feelings for him. 

But you would never admit that to anyone just yet. You were currently sat at the piano working on a new song. Your band was officially back together and working in the studio to record your album. You hadn’t told anyone yet, not even your families. The only ones who knew were a few people at the label, your managers, and of course, the four of you. 

Being back in the studio working on songs for the band felt both a little weird, but also like home. You wondered how everyone would react to the band making music together again. It would go one of two ways, either really, really well, or really, really badly. 

You had the basic melody written down and now you were just working on the lyrics. The basis of the song was being with someone even though you both knew it wasn’t right, but you couldn’t help it because there was just something about that person that kept making you stay. 

You were staring at the jumbled mess of lyrics on the page of your journal, when your phone starting ringing. It was a facetime from Harry. Part of you wanted to press the accept button as soon as you could, but another part of you hesitated. You didn’t want to be that girl, the girl who is always seeming like she’s waiting by the phone for the other person to call her. So, you ended up not answering and going back to working on your song. 

About an hour later, Rem walked in, “Hey girl, how’s it going?” 

“It’s uh... going,” you laughed. “I’ve got the chorus and a few lines here and there, but it’s nowhere near finished.” 

“Well, good thing I showed up when I did,” she smirked. 

“So, who’s the guy?” She asked after twenty minutes and shooting out different lyrics. 

“What are you talking about?” You asked. 

“You keep checking your phone, something you hardly do during a writing session, and the only time you do that is when there’s a new guy or something going on with your family,” she said. 

You sighed closing your journal and putting it on top of the piano. 

“I’m right aren’t I?” She smirked. “Is it the guy Daisy was talking about? Harry Styles right?” 

You didn’t answer, but your cheeks gave it away. 

“Did you two hook up in NYC?” She gasped. 

“What? No,” you said. “It’s not like that. We spent some time together, but there was no hooking up whatsoever.” 

“Did you want too?” She smirked. 

“I’m not answering that,” you said. 

“You know you really need to work on this whole not answering thing, which then gives away what the real answer is,” she said. 

“So, I’ve been told,” you rolled your eyes. 

“Anyway, so is there something going on between the two of you?” She asked putting her hand under her chin. 

“We’re talking, yeah, but there’s nothing else going on,” you said. 

“But you want there to be,” she stated. 

You sighed, “Even if I did, which I don’t by the way, I don’t have time for a relationship. Especially one that would be long distance literally all the time. And we have an album to be working on and there’s just literally no time for me to have a relationship.” 

“That’s why you make time,” she said. “Listen I’ve known you my whole life and there’s only been two things on the top priority list in your life. Your family and your music. At some point you need to put love at the top too.” 

“You act like I’ve never been in love before,” you rolled your eyes. 

“The last person you were in love with was Joe. That was what? Ten years ago and we were fucking teenagers, Y/N. Being in love then and being in love now, are two totally different feelings. So, yeah, in  way you’ve never been truly been in love,” she said. 

You shook your head. 

“Look, you’re my best friend and I love you. I see the way your face lights up whenever you talk about him. There’s something there and you know it, but you’re keeping yourself from going there. Stop holding yourself back because all you’re going to do is miss out on something that could change your life,” she said. 

“Who would have thought getting married would turn you into a relationship expert,” you joked. 

“Just call me Dr. Ruth,” she smirked. 

“She’s like a sexpert,” you laughed. 

“Hey, I’m that too,” she said. 

“Let’s just get back to the song,” you laughed. 

**

Harry wasn’t sure what was going on between the two of you, or if there was even anything going on at all. He knew how he felt about you or at least how you was beginning to feel about you. However, he had no fucking idea where you and your feelings stood. 

Either way, he really enjoyed talking to you and the time he spent with you in New York. He knew you were in LA currently, and he was debating on making a trip out that way. But he didn’t want to make it seem like he was going just to see you, even if that was the main reason, so he was looking into scheduling some meetings and getting some studio time in. 

His mother kept asking him about you and if he had thought about opening his heart up to you. Again, he told her it was still too soon to determine that, but deep down Harry just didn't want to tell the truth because he was afraid if he did, he would look stupid if you didn’t feel the same way. 

“You’re leaving again?” Nick asked as he and Harry sat for dinner at a restaurant in London. “You just got back, it seems.” 

“Only for a few days,” Harry said. “I have some meetings and studio time set up in LA.” 

“Some of those meetings wouldn’t be with a certain, gorgeous girl you were with back in NYC, would it?” He smirked. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Harry said sipping his drink. 

“There’s literally photographic evidence that says otherwise,” he said. “Should I pull it up?” 

Harry rolled his eyes, “She may be one of the reasons, but it’s honestly a work trip, mate. I may only see her like once.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Nick said. “So, what’s going on with you two anyway.” 

“Nothing... at least nothing romantically,” he said taking a bite of food. “We’re friends. She’s cool and I like talking to her,” he shrugged. 

“There’s something more, you don’t just fly thousands of fucking miles for a friend,” Nick said. 

“Just because no one has done that for you doesn’t mean it no one does it,” Harry smirked. 

“Oh, fuck off,” Nick laughed. 

**

A couple of days had passed and since you had gotten quite a few songs written, you decided to take a day off and just relax and do a few things for yourself. However, what you weren’t counting on was getting a text from Harry saying he was coming to LA for work and wanted to know if you wanted to hang out with him one day during his stay. 

Even though you weren’t sure about how you were feeling about him or where you wanted whatever it was with him to go, you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see him, especially not knowing when the next time that could be. So, you invited him to come hang out at your house, and you said you’d make dinner. 

Which is what you were currently doing. There was still like an hour or so before he was set to arrive, so you turned some music on and started finishing everything up. You were just wearing some jeans and old band t-shirt that was your dad’s from a long time ago. You were debating on if you should “dress up” a little bit more, but you didn’t want him to think you thought it was like a date. 

Not that you didn’t want it to be a date, but you also didn’t really want it to be a date either. It was complicated, to be honest. Anyway, you were chopping up the tomatoes, onions, bell peppers, etc for the tacos you were making. You didn’t want to make something super fancy besides who didn’t like tacos. Although, looking at the amount of food you were cooking, you may have went a little too far. 

But then again, you could easily eat four tacos yourself, so who were you kidding. 

It was nearing the time Harry would be arriving to your place when one of your favorite  Fleetwood Mac song’s came over the speakers. Since you were mostly finished with the food, you took the opportunity to have a little dance session in your kitchen. 

**

Harry pulled up to the address you had sent him and quickly fell in love with your house. It was the perfect mix of old and new sitting perfectly in the hills with what he could tell was a breathtaking view of Hollywood. He parked his car and unsurely found his way to what he believed was the front door. The closer he got to the house, he could hear the familiar sound of ‘Miranda’ by Fleetwood Mac playing. 

Since the house was mostly glass windows, he could see you in the kitchen. You were wearing a simple outfit, your hair was up in a messy bun on top of you hair. You were barefoot singing into a wooden spoon as you danced around the kitchen. Part of him knew he should ring the doorbell and alert you that he was here, but the bigger part of him wanted to watch you. 

It was moments like that where he felt like he could see the real you. Who you were away from the stage and other people. Not that he didn’t think you weren’t authentic anywhere else or that you played a part when it came to being on stage, but he knew from experience that even if you were your most authentic self up on stage and in front of your fans, there was still a little bit that everyone kept hidden away. 

Something that no one really knew about because everyone needs something that’s just theirs to know. His smile grew even bigger when he saw you playing air guitar towards the end of the song. As the song started fading out, he quickly darted away from the door and counted to ten before heading back to actually knock on the door. 

That way he could save himself the embarrassment of getting caught staring at you and potentially save you from being embarrassed that he saw you. He knock on the door and you looked straight at him. You smiled wiping your hands on a towel, while discreetly dabbing your forehead and making your way over to the door. 

You unlocked it and opened it up, “Hey, did you find it okay?” 

“I did, yeah, thank god for GPS,” he joked. 

You laughed, “True, but sometimes people miss the turn anyway.” 

“Do you know that from experience?” He raised an eyebrow. 

You blushed, “Yes! My first week after I moved it, I literally passed my own house at least four times.” 

He laughed, “I brought us some wine... is that okay? I figured it was the least I could do for you making dinner. Oh and I got ice cream. I wasn’t sure which flavor was your favorite, so I got a few different ones,” he said blood rushing to his cheeks. 

You smiled, “Well aren’t you efficient. Thank you,” you said taking the bag and putting the ice cream in the freezer. “And for the record, it’s Cookies ‘N Cream, so good job.” 

He leaned against the island in the kitchen, looking down at the floor hiding his smile. 

“So, uh, everything is pretty much done and ready to eat, but I’m warming up the taco shells, which takes about five minutes. I could show you around the house if you want?” You asked. 

“That sounds perfect,” he nodded. 

You smiled, “Well, this is this kitchen,” you laughed turning on your inner Vanna White. 

You take him through each room of the house. He stopped when he saw a picture of you when you were younger, on stage next to Stevie. 

“Wow,” he said picking up the photo. “Is that you?” 

“Yep, I was three,” you said. “Actually, do you know the reason why we performed Edge of Seventeen together?” 

He looked over at you, “Other than it being a fucking amazing song, no? I sense there’s a story there?” 

“There is and it starts with that night,” you said pointing to the photo. “Short version, I was backstage with my Mom at the show. Stevie started performing that song and I just felt the needed to go out there. So, I walked past literally every adult that was backstage and walked out to her. I didn't fully know the words, but I danced my little heart out. Ever since then whenever I was on tour with her, we would perform that song together.” 

“That’s really fucking cool,” he smiled. 

“Yeah, it is,” you smiled. 

He smiled back at you, putting the photo back onto the table. “Wait a minute? Is that made out of drumsticks?” He asked walking over to the huge wall of your last name hanging up. 

“And not just any drumsticks. Each of those are from a show my dad played. That was sort of our thing. He would give me one drumstick from each and every show. Even the ones from before I was born,” you smiled. “For years, I just had the packed it away, but then when I moved I got this idea had my friend make it. It turned out better than what I thought it. The only thing that sucks is now I have even more drumsticks since after I had that made.” 

The timer in the kitchen went off, “Oh, I better go grab those before they burn.” 

You went into the kitchen, while Harry stayed in the room, looking around. At times, he felt like he stepped back in time with all of the cool memorabilia you had, just in that one room. It was the one with the best view and he could tell it was your music room. 

There were guitars and a piano, journals stacked everywhere, a record player, and what looked like the comfiest future he had ever seen. After a few minutes, he made his way back to the kitchen. 

“Your house is bloody amazing,” he said. “And the view is one of the best I’ve seen.” 

You smiled, “Yeah, I love it. The minute I pulled up in the driveway, I fell in love. When I first moved in, it had been renovated a lot and new furniture and whatnot had been in, but I felt like the house had lost some of it’s history, you know? That the person who redone everything was trying to make it look too modern, so I donated all the furniture that was here and bought my own stuff. I couldn’t exactly change the structure of the house, so I made sure everything inside of it brought it back.” 

“What year was it built?” He asked. 

“1960,” you said putting everything on plates. “Would you mind carrying these out to the patio? I figured we could sit out there and enjoy the sunset.” 

“I’d love to,” he smiled taking them outside. 

You grabbed some wine glasses and poured the wine Harry had brought. He came back for the rest of the plates and you both headed outside. 

“I really hope you like tacos,” you said sitting down. “If not, I have got take out menus out the wazoo we can order.” 

“I love tacos, actually,” he smiled. 

“Good to know,” you smiled. 

“Now, I really don’t want to be that person,” Harry said after a few bites of food. “But seeing all the really awesome shit in your music, what was it like growing up being surrounded by music and touring, and Stevie Fucking Nicks?” 

You laughed wiping your mouth, “I want to say it was like any other person’s childhood, but I know that’s completely bullshit. I mean, my first steps were taking on a stage in Chicago during my dad’s rehearsals. My first word, I’m pretty sure was guitar, of course it didn’t really sound like guitar, it was more of like... uh.. geeeta. My parents didn’t know what the hell I was saying for days, but finally I must have pointed to a guitar and they finally knew what I was talking about.” 

“So, I mean yeah I definitely had some different experiences and traveled on the road most of my life, but my parents still were parents, you know. I still got grounded and in trouble for shit, I still had chores they just usually involved cleaning up a tour bus or a hotel room. And as far as being grounded, it was mean not being able to go to a concert or an award show. Then times we were at home, it was just like any other family I would imagine. We did errands, we had family dinners. I had my own room, friends... etc.” You shrugged. 

“Do you ever feel like you missed on anything?” He asked sipping his wine. 

“Sometimes I do,” you nodded. “I didn’t go really go to a proper school. I was homeschooled with the other band members kids. I didn’t have a prom or a graduation. But I did have some pretty other awesome experiences that most kids or even adults never get to have. And actually, a lot of people don’t know this, but when I turned thirteen, my parents asked me if I wanted to stay home and go to a real school and have the high school experience. My father, of course, was still touring and making music with people, but the fact that they offered me this chance, was pretty cool of them.” 

“What did you decide?” Harry asked. 

“I thought about it. I mean, I really thought about it. I even toured some schools back home and met some of the students there. Hell, I even asked some of the girls that lived next door that I’d been friends with, what they thought I should do,” you said. 

“And?” Harry asked. 

“We formed Y/Band’s/Name,” you laughed. “And the rest is history.” 

“Wow,” Harry said. “So, you never went a real school, like at all?” 

“Not for longer than a day,” you said. “And sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had decided to go and the only thing I could think of that would different, is I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have this amazing opportunity to do what I love. I mean, maybe, I could have made it later in life, but opportunities in the music industry don’t come around all that often. I knew that growing up in it.” 

‘Yeah, but with the connections with your dad and Stevie, and the fact that you’re really talented, I’m sure it would have came around,” he said. 

“But see that’s the thing, I knew people would see it that way and honestly, it doesn’t matter how talented you are, people will always assume that you got where you are because of who you know. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want my father or Stevie calling record labels or managers. So, that’s why when the girls I decided on forming the band, we didn’t include my last name on anything. I wanted to know I made it because I was good enough, not just because I knew the right people,” you said. 

“That’s commendable,” he nodded. “And honestly, I’m sort of the same way. A lot of people shit on the fact that One Direction came from a TV show and the fact that we didn’t even place, on said TV Show. But we still worked our asses off and kept trying to prove to people that we were talented and it wasn’t just because we were five teenage boys, who were only loved by teenage girls because we’re hot. Because you know apparently, their opinions aren’t valid or they couldn't possibly like anyone for the music. But anyway, I felt like the entire time we were together, we just kept having to prove of ourselves, so that’s why when I started working on my solo record, I promised myself that was I was making the record I wanted. I was making the record for myself and that I wasn’t trying to prove anyone wrong. Because at the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and as long as I had an album and made music I loved, none of the other shit mattered.” 

“And that’s what makes you a musician, an artist,” you smiled. “When it’s more about the music and not about the fame or the money. When pouring your heart and soul into a song is more important than making something just so it will place on the charts. I mean yeah, it’s really a fucking amazing feeling when a song or album charts or does well, but music is what I fell in love, not all the other shit.” 

“I know exactly what you mean,” he smiled. 

**

The rest of the night, Harry and you just... talked. Literally talked about different things well into the late hours. It had been so long since you had a conversation that lasted hours. There was no awkward silence. You didn’t cave and say let’s watch a movie and he didn’t leave shortly after dinner. 

After he left that night, you could feel it. If you weren’t sure about it before, you definitely felt it now. You caught feelings. You wouldn’t say you were in love with the boy or anything, but there was something there. You did a quick clean up of the kitchen before heading bed. 

The next morning you woke up with a text from Harry. 

I really enjoyed last night. Maybe tomorrow night, I could cook you dinner?

The smile on your face was evidence enough that you really, really wanted to take him up on his offer. However, you weren’t sure if you were ready to really pursue any sort of relationship other than a friendship from him. 

Hmm. Maybe. I’ll let you know. ;)

If it’s my cooking you’re worried about, don’t be. I’ve been told a time or two that I’m a wonderful chef. 

Making Mac and cheese out a box doesn’t count. 

Fine, if you don’t believe me, then why don’t you go ahead and say yes to my invitation and see for yourself? 

Ehhh... we’ll see. 

Harry groaned with a smirking as he read your text. It was ridiculous that he was already wanting to see you again, when it’s only been maybe give or take eight hours. There was just something about you, talking with you, that felt right. It was almost like you two were the same person, yet so different as well. 

There were so many similarities when it came to certain things. It was like for the first time in a while, if every, he felt like there was someone who really understood where he was coming from and how he felt about certain things. Watching as you spoke about your life and how music was everything to you, Harry could feel himself falling for you and your smile. 

God, he had it bad. He really needed to chill the fuck out before he hit obsessed level. Especially since he had no clue as to how you were feeling. To be honest, he really needed to lay it out on the open, so that he knew, however, he didn’t want to come across as that guy who expected the girl to fall for him just because they were hanging out. 

Anyway, he needed to get out of bed, head to the gym and then go to his meetings he had set up for the day. Hopefully all of that would keep his mind off of you, at least for the time being. 

**

You slithered out of bed, changed into your gym clothes, and went down to the kitchen. You poured water into your reusable water bottle and grabbed a banana before heading out the door. Even though it wasn’t super early, you were instantly regretting scheduling a Soul Cycle class that day. You ate your banana while you sat in traffic on your way to the gym. 

Your music was turned up as loud as you could stand it, yet your mind still went back to Harry and his invitation. You should probably say yes for two reasons, one because you really, really wanted to go, and two because he was only in LA for a short time and who were you kidding, you hoped you got to see him as often as you before he went back to London. 

But then again, you didn’t want to seem desperate especially if he didn’t have any feelings for you whatsoever. And you also didn’t want just be a hook up for him, not that he really seemed like that type of guy, but he was still a guy. When you finally arrived, you parked your car and headed into the studio. You got your locker, changed your shoes, and headed into the room. 

After getting to your bike in the back row, you clipped your shoes and started warming up. Just when the class was about to start, the person next to you finally decided to show up and as soon as you saw the person, you felt a flutter in your stomach and a blush on your cheeks. 

“What? Could handle my maybe to dinner tomorrow, so you’re stalking me until I say yes?” You smirked. 

Harry looked over and his eyes widen as a smile lit up his face, “To be fair, I had no clue you’d be here or that you even do Soul Cycle.” 

“Doesn’t everyone in LA?” you joked. “And honestly, I don’t do it that often. Only when I need a change of scenery.” 

He laughed clipping in to the bike next to you, “I’m not going to distract you, am I?” he smirked. 

You rolled your eyes, “Now, why would you distract me?” You smirked. 

**

When class was over, both of you were dripping with sweat and quite frankly you wished he wasn’t seeing you like this. However, knowing he always was a hot ass mess, helped a bit. He was waiting for you outside in the lobby after you were finished in the locker room. 

“Where did you park?” Harry asked. 

“Oh, in garage. Level three, I think,” you said. 

He nodded, “Mind if I walk you to your car?” 

“I don’t mind,” you smiled pulling you back up over your shoulder. 

“So, are you going to be back in the studio today?” He asked. 

“I am actually,” you nodded. “I’m heading there now after I grab some lunch. You?” 

“I have a few meetings today and then dinner with friends tonight,” he said. 

“Are you cooking for them?” You smirked. 

“Nah,” he said. “I’m saving my cooking talents for someone special,” he smirked. “So, are you saying yes yet?” 

“Not quite yet, Styles,” you smirked. “But I’m not saying no, either. I’m going to keep you on your toes for a bit longer.” 

“Well, don’t wait too long or I might just offer up cooking for someone else,” he smirked. 

“As if you could replace me,” you joked. 

“I mean, yeah, I’ll admit the company would be subpar compared to you,” he said. 

“This is me,” you said pointing to your car. “Have fun at your meetings and with your friends. Don’t miss me too much,” you winked before climbing in. 

Harry laughed, shaking his head as he waved bye to you. 

Yep, he was in trouble when it came to you. 

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Hi Babes! This chapter, well, she gave me trouble, but she’s written and we have progress! All my love to @dirtystyles and @bleedinglove4h! Long Live Tripod Writing!!

Chapter 5-Kekkou Desu

"No." 

Harry watched all of the color go out of Ada's face. His arm had been far from her realaxed shoulders. They were so high at the moment, he was nearly cupping one. But not in a good way, or with any comfort. Where a minute ago she had been open and easy, she had tightened up all over, gates slammed down, moats redug and walls reinforced. Everything was tense, the moment especially.

Harry had wandered into a trigger field, and his request had pressed a button he didn't know existed. Fuck, he felt like he'd just puked on her shoes again. This time without any of his usual clumsiness. She could sing, he'd heard her. Though that wasn't a requirement for this crowd, or the activity. Multiple people who had zero business had been up to sing, sometimes in a language they didn't know. Ada was clearly not going to sing, and it looked like she may walk right out on him and the rest of the night because he suggested she get on stage. The dance they had been doing was back to square one. He needed to say something, he usually cackled when he got this uncomfortable, or told a terrible joke, stunk up the air to clear the awkward fumes. Neither seemed the course of action here. "Ok," he cupped her risen shoulder lightly, ran his thumb over the knot he felt when she tightened and looked at her until she acknowledged him. It took several seconds, they felt biblical in length. Ada blew out a breath and lifted her wide eyes to him. He could still see tension at the corners, but she gave them to him. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Not with me. Just have fun. I, however, allowed myself to be browbeaten into singing, again. Will you be here when I finish?" Would she be?  There was a big part of her, huge, that wanted to fuck off to her hotel room and forget this night ever happened. She really had thought she was over the singing thing. It was a childhood and adolescent wound, deep, but she had therapy, talked it to death, til she thought her trauma had covered its ears and cowered. It was upsetting to find out how deep that bruise still lived.  She'd have to go see Dr. Shiny when she got home. Two months, would she even remember it had made her tense like that? Harry seemed like he remembered, though he was doing a good job of downplaying her freak out. Harry'd done nothing wrong, and his request wasn't that out of the ordinary considering the venue. Lots of the cast or crew had sang, Ayae was currently doing Material Girl. The band plodding behind her ah, ahs! She sounded so awful Ada was charmed. There was no reason to leave, this was a good time, and she was happy to be there, even post awkward over reaction, with him. Plus, She wanted to see him sing again. The last time had been a game changer. Ada was sure anything after Nirvana would be underwhelming.

The choice though, made her curious.

She wondered what he would chose next time. His album and band t shirts suggested good taste. She loved his mix, one day Bowie the next day Britney. She would stay. To satisfy her curiosity. Her head was nodding like a happy horse, she liked her decision, but imagined she should slow down the drinks that were basically straight vodka. Even if it would help her forget her. freak out "I'll be here. Sorry, I don't really want to.." She flashed her hands in a rolling motion hoping he would understand, she wanted to stay but not explain, She hoped he didn’t press.  Ada did not want to shot him down again. Especially since he had been so gracious. His grace shown again. "Don't, it's ok, you can tell me another time, if you feel up to it. Let me go see what Kunichi has cooked up for me . I have my own ideas, something simple." The last part he muttered to himself and she felt a little smile cross her lips at him walking off. His gait somehow like a baby giraffe before it gained confidence and became cocksure and hip full. Her head snapped to the side at that. Her eyes bugged at the next move. Harry was looking down at first, but then he swooped his hair off his forehead with a little shake and pushed it back, the long curls he’d kept on top. It was an innocuous move, but suddenly he took up more space in the room than before, than his physicality required. Though he was bigger than most people in the room, in the country. He caught her watching him when she made it to the stage. Her smile transformed into a very attractive attempt to catch flies once she watched Harry make a bemused face, say something to one of the other guys on stage that started conversation, then wink at her. Her anticipation ramped up a moment later when he looked at Kunichi like he might be a genius and kissed his forehead noisily then nodded with a 40 million pound smile. Whatever Kunichi had on the stove for him seemed to be amusing all of them, and she swore that his friend had looked at her, directly, which felt almost rude in Japan, since they were simply tangentially connected strangers.Very direct and she wasn’t on stage and nobody had caught Harry or Kunichi’s look, but she felt in the spotlight. Nerves all over. Ada was at a loss, but excited, all her hair was standing on end, and she was almost irritated she'd have to shave again so soon. Though why she had shaved when she wore jeans was curious, but she would ponder that when she was ready to consider implications, like in 3 years. A synapse fired and a memory started to materialize a moment later when a simple guitar cord was struck, and Harry swiveled his hips from one side to the other in a familiar but uncharacteristic manner. At once jerky and sinuous. Who did that remind her of? All her questions were answered when the old school train like riff entered and the drum was a dull thud instead of a crash. A few screams went up and Ada wondered if she was actually at the Ed Sullivan show. His hair was wrong, much to light, and he was a tad prettier, more feminine than the man he was channeling. But someone should tell that to his voice, and his hips, and her heart. Before Kurt in her heart, right next to James Brown was Elvis Presley. And her Babe Ruth was knocking a cover out of the park. This night was ridiculous, for a man who had fallen so short of her expectations for a month, he was blowing her mind tonight. Elvis, was he fucking kidding her?

And she'd always loved this song. Not her favorite, but a classic. She was all shook up too. The first time she had heard it, she was probably 8 and she'd told her dad the lyrics were stupid and simple. Her dad had scoffed but her mom had just worn a knowing smile. They were, until you felt those feelings, weak knees, and tied tongues. Music played in her house a lot and her mom got on kicks- it was during one of those dance it out phases, when she heard Elvis with new ears. Things had gone to hell at home, her dad had moved out ages ago, but it felt like a new ending that day. Her mom had been served papers, which meant dad had somebody he was his version of serious about. So her heart was tender, but she was pushing it down to buoy her mom’s fake cheer.. To top it all off, Peter Harris had made out with her and she was definitely all shook up. All mixed up. It was exactly how she felt her mom had been right. 13 year old Ada was not in love, though that was equally inexpressible, but definitely infatuated and her was body running amok. Her head thinking about Peter’s lips and her heart aching over her dad’s refreshed abandonment. It was confusing. The worst part about that feeling, those feelings were they didn't shut down when Pete told everybody that black girl's nipples were too dark and that she didn't know how to kiss. It was her third one, how was she supposed to know what to do? There wasn’t a class at the civic center on kissing.

But she always liked the song, even if she had weird memories to it. She had lots of memories to Elvis.

And tonight was a new one with Harry Presley. Her star was a sight. His clothes did not say Elvis. But his looks said performer in the throes. His hair was wild, it hadn’t been tidy, not scene ready, since she arrived by any stretch. The dishevelment now was on another level. Because he had one hair curling into his vision. It hung like a vine and she seriously wanted to George of the Jungle on it. Then she'd be in his vision, like he'd captured hers tonight. He had tried to blow it off after one set of Yeah Yas, and it had come right back over. He’d eyeballed it, and if looks couldn’t kill, they at least amused. Ada liked this frustrated look. It made her laugh. Theoretically, he should wear something like it while they were working, but this one was more bemused than defeated. He’d flip his head back like he was saying what’s up to somebody and the hair would give Harry a moment’s reprieve, before it was right back in his eye line. Eventually, when he couldn't make the hair wither with scorching looks, he left it. “Guess my hair has decided we need to look the part!” And there was some clapping, Jeff whistled. She sighed. It was perfect for the moment. The right thing to say in the moment. She nodded and he caught her eye and smirked before a body roll up on some mmm, mms.

Damn him. Her body was mirroring the lyrics, her heart beat a little faster. Her pulse throbbed appropriately. This was magic. It needed to make it into the movie. “Holy shit!” She was seriously wondering if she could add a scene with him dressed as Elvis. God, would he be willing to sing in a movie? Like a proper early superstar? He couldn't dance, so he wasn't a triple threat to anything but her cool.  He should sing in a movie. Their movie. She whipped out her phone and started planning. The schedule was packed. Ada wasn't even sure they had time.  She could make some, she knew.  It would be worth going over budget, especially if she could get him performing like he was tonight. This wasn't a performance, properly.  But it felt once in a lifetime. Jeff had once called him a clutch man. It was probably why he wanted to be more than just brother's from another mother with him. Harry loves to be praised. "When things start to fall apart, in an interview, or on stage, or if someone just says something that is awkward and off putting, you just have a way of changing subject, or charming the hell out of them." Harry figured Jeff found this to be a great asset for a client with ambitions like Harry. Maybe why he wanted to be more than brothers himself. Being able to roll with it, duck and dive, was useful in their business. Harry wasn't even aware of how big his ambitions were until someone handed him the moon and he suddenly wanted the stars. That first two years in the band were bewildering, but once he decided he wanted more, he started planning how. And being a good guy in a pinch had got him the manager. So, Harry was usually the clutch man. He came through. Not 100%. His batting average wasn't perfect.  If his nerves were up, things went one of two ways, he knocked the ball to the rafters, or he whiffed hard at air, even when the ball was crap. He had been doing a lot of whiffing, in clutch moments with this movie. He thought he had come through enough to not be absolute rubbish, but his ability to slide into home while everybody was watching kept alluding him, like why anybody played a boring sport like baseball let alone watched it mystified him. It felt different today, tonight. For tonight, was nothing, if not a performance.  Though he wasn't sure what was riding on it beyond his heart. But he felt like he was knocking it of the park right now. From the smile on Ada's face, it was a grand slam. She had been watching him since he caught her when she fell. He'd felt it when he walked away from her. Those big brown eyes on him. It was a change, he wasn’t exactly relaxed, but he was relieved. The secret, like Jeff said or course, was to "act good." Was that it? Which was the chicken and which was the egg? Did he act good, so she softened, or did she soften so he could act good? Harry was likely to think it was not him. She had been soft with him today on set, when she did that, was kind and quiet and direct, he performed. Hmmmmmm. It was her, she was soft pitching him today and tonight. Definitely tonight, soft beautiful eyes too. And it was making him hard. Which was unfortunate because he was on stage and the performance required him to draw a lot of attention to his pelvis.  He needed to think about the moves. Kinda, they were written on his hip flexors. He's done it a lot. When he was little he spent a lot of time, pre YouTube, he congratulated himself, watching his icons perform. It's why his Jagger impression didn't require to much work on SNL, and he was able to lay it on thick on stage with Niall. He’d been doing it for years, along with Freddie Mercury and Elton John.  Strangely after all the comparisons, not Bowie. Not David, but definitely Elvis! He'd been mimicking Elvis since his mom played him in the kitchen when she danced off bad days. She'd mimic the moves and Harry would copy her. He was about three. He reckoned when his mom found video of Elvis performing for him to watch. And then he had his own little Elvis impersonating ring, which got a surprising amount of business for a village the size of Holmes Chapel. He had at least 3 gigs. So he could do the gyrating thing in his sleep. People focused on his hips a lot, looking for that ever elusive bulge shot, he was happy tonight was a friendly get together and nobody was filming him. Well, Kunichi was, but chest up. He hammed it up when his hair grew a mind of its own and hoped that deflected pelvic attentions. It made him go down at least. He took several deep breaths and got ready for the crescendo of the song. He vocalized along, popped his lips and hips once more, and grinned, scanning the clapping hands. He'd been more focused with the eye contact that he usually was, a small familiar crowd. Ada. She hadn’t taken her eyes off him, until a lighbulb seemed to go off above her head and she’d been on her phone. She was looking down now and he wanted her attention back. He’d have to go get it. He shook himself of the persona and jumped down, taking a couple hugs on his way off stage. Hugs, from Japanese people, they were drunk. Well, that was good, worse video quality when these videos made their way to the internet and a delay without him asking for it. Bless hangovers. Harry was making his way back to Ada. He had a clear view of the table, pathway too, almost like it had been cleared. The light even seemed to illuminate the ground ahead of him. It felt like a movie moment. Her focus on him and the two fresh drinks in front of her. What a set up. The sense of inevitability he had had since he met her matched the moment and her eyes. He still saw green fields when he first looked at her on set each day, but sometimes, they were amber and dry by nightfall. Mostly because Ada did not seem to share the portent. He felt like he was destined to love her, and she didn't seem bothered by him at all. Well in the English way, she seemed plenty bothered by him in the American sense. Irritated. Not tonight, a flip had switched and all that karma for being the single minded devotion of so many when you felt not the same at all, literally didn't know they were alive, he thought had come back to bite him. He wasn't sure he believed in cosmic payback, but he knew sometimes his careless heart hurt those he cared for too. He'd sat up late one night looking at Instagram wondering if maybe he'd earned her indifference. Not directly, but because he couldn’t possibly adequately return or take all the love showered upon him. So, he’d somehow lost his claim to the love he wanted. Her indifference hurt. Some days indifference was a wish. Better than when he was afraid she disliked him. "Wow! Harry Presley! You just gave me a whole new idea for a scene!" She may not be on the same page as him, waiting for more, but she wasn’t indifferent and her grabbing his hand made him sure she didn’t hate him.  A new scene sounded exciting. And then she talked shop for an hour. It was a pleasure, felt like when somebody had a riff and he had a lyric and they fit, or vice versa. Except this time he was the instrument.  And he loved the way she played him. "So, there is already the rockabilly tradition and the karaoke tradition!" Her eyes sparkled, like really, it wasn't even the light or the make up. She wore little- her skin was just that good. Shit, pay attention. "So what if, they have a fight, like we already have planned, and to make it up to him, Henry arranges to meet Akio somewhere, more public than it should be, and he's dressed like Akio’s day dream." She paused there slightly more pensively, like her mind was already onto the next question while she posed this one to him. “And sings him an Elvis song!" He was dumbfounded, he liked it, movie magic. Licensing would be a bitch, though. She was staring. Oh, he’d wandered. He looked spacey when he was thinking. He wished he looked more like she did when pondering. "You will won't you, sing for the film?" She'd taken his hand. He's do anything then, but. "Yeah, of course”, he was already giving his truth and possible credibility. He'd sing, it bugged him the way singer‘s who acted got waved off. The other way was praised. And even Elvis’' cheesiest movies were entertaining and had great songs. She took her hands and clapped. She was a tough cookie, but she was currently fluffier than the slime he'd made with Arlo. So excited. "What song should he sing?" She eyed him, "all shook up?" "No," he pulled his lip while he thought, "it's not deep enough. Not a sorry.”

“Well, ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ could be cute, but still not a sorry, ‘Don't’ Be Cruel’ is a good one, but a little too inverted for the situation, ‘Return to Sender’?” He shook his head while he mentally ticked through the catalog. Ada's bit her lip and her brow curled and she looked at the table top. Suddenly, her large eyes were saucers, "Can't Help Falling In Love!" "No!" He almost yelled it. He didn't mean to react like that. But absolutely not. He couldn’t sing that song for this. "Oooookay," she side eyed him, but extended him the same grace he had to her. But he could see she would press later, had noticed she got curious. "That's probably a good call anyway, with Crazy Rich Asians and all." She let him off the sharing hook.

She tapped her lip. "’The Wonder Of You’? ‘She's Not You’? ‘Are You Lonesome Tonight?" She was muttering, mentally scanning through hits. But she’d missed the perfect one. He almost wondered if she was letting him come up with it to boost his confidence. He shared it anyway. "Love Me Tender." Harry said with finality and Ada slapped the table. “That's perfect!" She clinked her glass to his, a dollop splashing out, and took a swig. "Now we just have to find the time to film an unplanned scene. When we are behind." She looked at him.  level and more sober than her momentary spill had suggested. "So I need you to do better Harry. Like today, but everyday.  If you could bring whatever sauce you are on to set for the rest of the film. I think this scene may be one of those ones that people remember, like Molly Ringwald and Jake Ryan sitting on the table kissing over the cake?" "I love that scene!" Harry enthused. "Everybody loves that scene." Ada playfully rolled her eyes at him. "It's an iconic scene, so good we still talk about the movie despite the racism. It’s like you singing Elvis will be, without the terrible cultural illiteracy.” "I wish somebody hadn't already done the dirty dancing lift thing. Though I suppose I got the idea from the movie." The last bit he said to himself. "Wait? What? Like the Ryan gosling thing where he picked up Emma Stone in 'Crazy Stupid Love?' His move?" She was chuckling at him. He could feel the color in his cheeks- he might be the color of a ripe tomato. "Is it so cheesy?" He kinda knew it was, he could be a little cheesy. But most people liked cheese, it was the hardest part about eating vegan for him. "I mean, you could melt it on bread and call it dinner, but everybody likes grilled cheese. "Cheese toastie, “ he corrected. He liked the way she was biting her lip. "What?" "Does it work?" Her brows flashed, and she'd leaned into him closer.  "The move." Harry shrugged. He wasn't sure how to say the next bit without sounding like a total ass. "It's always worked for me, especially if the girl has seen the movie! What? Why are you laughing at me?" Ada took a full 30 seconds to get herself together. He thought he saw a tear at the corner of her eye. "Sorry, Sorry, it's just.. why do you have a move anyway, couldn't you just say 'I'm Harry Styles’' and get laid?" "It's really not that easy, and if it is I don’t want it!" He was a little offended, but he knew what she meant. Her mouth opened a little bit and he bit his tongue when she leaned in like she was gonna share a secret. He wasn't sure whose secret.   "You like the chase?" God her mouth was really close to his, and she tasted like vodka and verve. "Um," shit if he just licked his lips it might count as a kiss. "I like to earn it." He could feel how true that was, though he wasn't sure he could have articulated it before. Like learning an instrument, or winning an audition after a long process. He knew he could have most things he wanted, and he was a little insecure about why he got things, so he liked it when he knew, no shadows of doubt, that he earned them. He wanted to earn Ada, he thought he might have a shot now. Ada cocked her head to the side, pursed her lips and nodded. Then stood up and took her hand off his, "Well, then I’m gonna need a little less conversation and a little more action."  

He should have followed her out.

Her wink on the way out the door kept him rooted in the booth.

[carthonasi]

RWBY v6 Soundtrack Thoughts

Now that I’ve listened to the soundtrack about 10x through at this point, I thought I’d share my rankings of the songs, as I’ve done the last few years. Just a note, ’m excluding the acoustic and remix songs, since they’re not original to v6 and tbh I don’t really listen to the remixes. Also, I love all of the new songs, so even if they’re at the bottom, I still think they’re pretty good.

1. Nevermore - God I listened to this so much when this released back in January and now that the whole soundtrack is out, I can confirm that it’s still my favorite from the album. Even putting aside my bees bias, the music in this is just spectacular and the lyrics are top notch. I don’t think it overtakes This Life is Mine or Armed and Ready as my favorite song from the series, but it’s definitely in the top 5. 

2. Indomitable - Ok, gonna be honest: I wasn’t exactly hyped over this song like everyone else seemed to be back when the finale aired. There was only 30 seconds available and while it sounded nice, I didn’t get enough of the song to really care too much. But holy shit, this song fucking blew me away. As soon as I realized this was a tribute to Monty I teared up. You could hear from the lyrics how much Jeff cared about him. And the music is fucking gorgeous on top of that. This truly is a god-tier song. The only reason I don’t rank this above Nevermore is that the rock elements in that song are more my taste. 

3. Rising - While visually Time to Say Goodbye is my favorite OP, I think musically, the full version of Rising is my favorite OP so far. I already loved the TV size version, but the full version just knocks it out of the park. That bridge kicks so much ass I love it.

4. Forever Fall - Holy fuck, I knew this song was gonna hurt when it first appeared in episode 9, but it completely tore up my heart. I’ve been a fan of Pyrrha and Jaune’s leitmotif since I first noticed it in the v3 soundtrack, and hearing lyrics put to so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Also the line, “nothing, even death, could separate our souls”? That hit me hard, my dudes

5. Miracle - From the premiere, I’ve been super hyped to hear the whole version of this. Did it live up to my expectations? Mostly yes. However I wasn’t a big fan of how the last third of the song went but I still liked it overall. It’s just not as amazing as I thought it might be.

6. One Thing - Another song I was super hyped for but didn’t really live up to my expectations. I still love it and it’s a great insight into Neo’s character (rip Cinder she’s about to be backstabbed big time), but again, not my favorite.

7. Big Metal Shoe - A really fun song! I wasn’t hyped about this song in the same way I was with Indomitable, and while it didn’t blow me away like that song did, I still really liked it. Not the deepest song like the others on this list, but it’s really fun and I enjoyed it.

8. Lionized - A really nice sounding song. I want to clarify that this isn’t last because of my dislike of Adam Taurus; I actually think this is good insight to how much of an asshole he really was. However, it’s just not my favorite musically. I think it could have used maybe one more verse to feel more complete.

And that’s my ranking! Overall, I think this is my favorite soundtrack after v4′s. Every song on here has something going for it and there’s not a single song I don’t care for. Also, special mention to Casey, who sounds utterly fantastic on this, as well as Jeff for making these songs. They really knocked it out of the park!

[tassium]

#TAYLOR SWIFT APPRECIATION LIFE

PART 2 - Fearless 

(click here for part 1)

So. This was supposed to go up yesterday. But then work ate my soul. And THEN it was supposed to go up this morning.... and I slept half the day after how tired I was from work eating my soul.

So! My timeline is all sideways but I’m GOING TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN DANG IT.

Without further ado, let’s get into @taylorswift‘s sophomore album.

1. Fearless

This! Song! I love this this song so much, oh my gosh. It opens perfectly - that drum hit and then that iconic guitar riff, which bleeds into TWO lead guitar pieces and then her VOICE comes in and just. Aaaah, I am a heart-eyes emoji over this song, honestly. I love the way it builds, the way it goes from, like... yeah, all the instruments are involved in the first verse, but they kinda kick it up a notch for the turnaround into the second verse, and then... the chorus hits. The drum build into the first chorus is so fun, but it’s not my favorite one - that title goes to the drop at the end of the third verse. The drums behind “capture it, remember it” are the best thing e v e r.

This song for me is absolutely all about the instrumentation, if you couldn’t tell. I like the lyrical content, and I think Taylor delivers a great vocal performance, but the production overshadows all of that for me. This song is definitive dancing-around-my-bedroom countrypop for me, and I think it is the ideal way to kick off this album.

2. Fifteen

I have... kind of a love/hate relationship with this song. I always have, thought I have to stay I’m a LOT less bitter about it than I was when it first came out. I won’t go into the gory details of it, but suffice to say that 15 was the age when I kind of... self destructed a little (it was the Disorder finally rearing its ugly head) and I was super bitter about the idea that for some people being fifteen meant ‘feeling like there’s nothing to figure out’ and first dates and meeting new best friends when I was like. Literally falling apart at the seams.

BUT! Now that I’ve grown up and started to come into being A Person with a metric ton of perspective dumped on me along the way, I think this song is really cute and endearing and nostalgic for a life I didn’t have, but in a good way. ESPECIALLY is this true when I listen to “in your life you’ll do things greater than dating the football team” and remember that this album came out a year after Taylor won the horizon award (”definitely the highlight of her senior year” oh my god don’t get me started about that speech)

And you know what? Time really can heal most anything.

3. Love Story

This album is just packed with iconic guitar leads, and I love it to pieces. This track is another excellent example of Taylor’s habit of building a track from softness into something a little more intense. I love her vocals on the second verse especially (that little oh-oh! in the middle just fills me with an unexplained joy) and then... there’s the fiddle turnaround into the bridge, which. If you read part one of this series, you know I have an obsession with those. (And it comes back for the play down to the outro, which. yes, good, I’ll take it.)

I’m something of a Romeo and Juliet fanatic, so maybe that’s part of what draws me to this song, I like the idea of a happy ending to the concept - Marie Kondo says throw it out if it doesn’t bring you joy, so. You know.

4. Hey Stephen

*Dreamy sigh* god I love this song. It’s such a feel good jam, and there are parts of it that I just find delightful, even though objectively they would drive me crazy in another setting (that electronic church organ sound in the background is one of them). And then! Taylor is just! so cute! that GIGGLE at the end of the bridge. Gosh. Who legalized this?

I think my favorite vocal thing that Taylor does in this song is the last post-chorus that leads into the actual final chorus and the way she leans into it. And if I was pressed to a pick a favorite ‘ad-lib outro’ thing, it would be this one.

5. White Horse

This song is such an interesting track to have on the same album with Love Story - they’re just total opposites and I think it’s an excellent choice of alternate narratives. (And yes, I’m aware that Romeo and Juliet isn’t technically a fairytale, shhhh)

I don’t have particularly strong feelings about this song until the bridge, because I love the bridge so so much. Honestly this song feels like a more mature version of Should’ve Said No (and if you read the first part of this series you know how strongly I feel about that song so...) Because it has the same sort of “you say you’re sorry but it’s too late for that” feeling to it.

Overall this track is an excellent example of lyrical storytelling - especially that “small town there in my rearview mirror disappearing now” is such an evocative lyric. I don’t have hierarchies for any of Taylor’s albums, but if I tried, I think this track would settle comfortably in the upper middle.

6. You Belong With Me

I. Love. This. Song.

It wasn’t until this listening to the album, actually, that I realized how much of this album contains more mature versions of the messages from the first album. Like, tell me this song isn’t like a more assertive version of Invisible or Teardrops on my Guitar. This feels like Taylor looking back at those experiences and saying ‘hold up, i’m not letting this happen again, get BACK HERE and let me tell you how I feel!’

But. Listen. We need to talk about this music video. This music video is like the ultimate coming of age ten movie condensed into 4 minutes. Tell me I’m wrong.

Never in my life have I felt so connected to Taylor Swift than during that dancing-in-her-bedroom scene. that’s exactly the kind of shenanigans I STILL get up to to this day. (Also, I will fight anyone who says they don’t love the Junior Jewels shirt.) I vividly remember seeing this video for the first time and thinking that having the Other Girl played by a brunette version of Taylor was just. Brilliant. And of course we have the classic scene of the girl entering the school dance and stealing away the boy for the happy ever after - still not sure why he would have that piece of paper with him, so I’ll just chalk it up under suspension of disbelief.

...But, really, Taylor.... who holds books like that?

7. Breathe

This song fills me with such a melancholy feeling - not that I’m complaining, because I love this song to pieces. It’s permanently connected to one of my friends, because we recorded a cover video of this song at about 1am the night before I left the first time we met in person.

I love love love Colbie’s harmonies on this song - a whole lot better than how I felt about some of the male harmonies on the tracks from Taylor’s debut.

I don’t have a lot to say about this song, but that doesn’t mean I love it any less. I like the more stripped down quality to the song, even though it’s not really that stripped down - all the same pieces are there, it’s just all in how they’re applied.

8. Tell Me Why

Once again, what an arrangement! I love this song for the lyrical content, yes, but this is another song that I love for the instrumentation more than anything.

Speaking of the lyrical content, though, this song is a look at a surprisingly toxic sounding relationship for Taylor’s usual topics. A lot of the things about this track sound like classic abusive tactics - though I don’t think that’s exactly what she’s trying to portray. This song doesn’t even have to be about any kind romantic relationship in the first place. It could just as easily be about a toxic friendship (god knows I’ve had enough experience with that to know just how applicable this song’s lyrics are)

But to talk about the music as well, real quick, just. The fiddle opening!! and the drums!! and the tasteful small additions of steel guitar! and Just. so much about this track that I love. Is it just me or does it seem like this album has a much more driving backing track on most of the tracks than we saw on the self titled?

9. You’re Not Sorry

It’s fascinating to me that Taylor paired this song with the previous track for her album lineup - they’re very similar themes - but this song seems... angrier, almost. That’s not quite the word I’m going for, but I don’t know what word I AM going for, so it’ll have to do.

I just. need to talk about Taylor’s vocals on this song. This is another one I would love to hear Taylor perform with her current vocal abilities, because I feel like it would be absolutely outstanding. There are spots in this track (’tired of being last to know’ and ‘there’s nothing left to beg for’ in particularly) where she leans into them a little bit, but I feel like given just a little bit more, they could really knock it out of the park.

10. The Way I Loved You

I have... mixed feelings about this song. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike this song, and I think it builds really beautifully, but... It’s just not one of my favorites. I just don’t have particularly strong feelings about this one either way. I’ll still sing along to it in the car just as intensely as to any of them, and there are moments of it that I like - the almost military beat in the second verse and her strident delivery of “he calls exactly when he says he will” is a very nice piece, but... overall, it’s just not my favorite.

11. Forever and Always

THIS SONG HOWEVER. heck man. I love this song. I will go ham for this song anytime any day. There are so many good choices in this track - the drumming is brilliant and I think Taylor’s vocals on this song are better here than on the previous track, which makes it kind of refreshing.

Favorite parts include the bassline in the first verse, the way everything drops out from behind “coming down to nothing” except for the drums, and the “you didn’t mean it baby, I don’t think so” instrumentation, which builds up into the solo so well - and then we get the bridge. which is. just. stunning. I have no other words for it. 

I love this song!!!!

Bonus commentary from the platinum edition:

The piano version of this song is so much more heart wrenching than the standard version. Her delivery is so much softer (those soft high notes are my favorite), there’s a lot more hurt in her voice, and I love her harmonies over her own vocals. Beautiful. Especially the bridge, those harmonies and her delivery of those lines... I get chills every time.

And. Listen. It’s called the piano version, but the strings added onto the second half is such a good choice. A++

12. The Best Day

Okay, so. Listen. This song is absolutely every bit as saccharine as people say it is, but I really think it’s entirely a choice. From my perspective on it, it’s supposed to read as if it’s got the point of view of someone much younger than Taylor’s, what, 18 years at the time of release? I love the line “I’ve got my big coat on” because that’s SUCH a great choice for a line about a five year old.

Now I just. Need to talk about my FEELINGS about this for a second.

u g h god this song kills me every time. From hearing other people talk about this song, it seems like it doesn’t hit you as hard if you aren’t a daughter or if you don’t have a good relationship with your mom. I am privileged enough to have a great mom, just like it seems Taylor does, and so I can barely listen to this song without crying through half of it.

Then again, that might just have more to do with the fact that I’m a total crybaby.

13. Change

WHAT AN OPENING. I will never not love the way it just blazes into life from the word go and then goes a little softer for the verse, as if giving you a moment to breathe before it throws that chorus at you. There are some incredible examples of instrumentation choices in this song (it all comes back around to the drums for me, I don’t know what it is)

And then there’s that one note - which, comparatively speaking, isn’t really impressive, but it certainly blew me away the first time I heard it. The build-up to it is so well done, with the quiet bridge-y bit leading into the explosive drop into the full chorus and then that instrumental outro-- be still my heart.

Time for the bonus tracks! All six five of them. >.>

14. Jump Then Fall

I love this song. This is tied to a friend of mine as well, primarily because of the line “I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard”, which is also my favorite line in this song.

There’s a quality to the instrumentation at the very beginning of the song that makes me nostalgic for the days of recording tracks off youtube and ending up with these horribly compressed versions of them - even when i’m listening to it on spotify part of me questions if I have a corrupted mp3.

I can’t not smile while I listen to this song, especially to the second verse - “I like the way you’re everything I ever wanted” is the cutest thing ever and if you disagree, get out of my face.

There’s something so youthful and fluttery and cute about this song, it makes me feel as if I really am the one with this unbearably huge crush on someone in the best shivery way possible.

15. Untouchable

I didn’t know until I was listening to @stateofswiftpod (and yes i’m going to continue repping them because. amazing.) that this track is a COVER. I was blown away because... okay. Listen. I looked up the original version and... Taylor worked magic with this track. The original really is just... an average to mediocre pop punk song, okay? It’s exactly the kind of vibe I’d normally be into but then it just. doesn’t hold me.

But Taylor’s version is just Stunning. Her vocal delivery is spot on, and the final chorus makes me so happy, with the alteration of the melody. Honestly, her mind. To think that she listened to the original song and heard the potential for this piece of musical art just blows me away.

16. Come In With The Rain

This isn’t one of my favorites - honestly I have no strong feelings about any of the remaining bonus tracks - but there is something about the message of this song that hooks me. The idea that you’ve been wishing and hoping and thinking about something so much for so long that you’re just. tired. Too tired to keep worrying about it, so you just leave the path for it open and let yourself focus on something else.

17. SuperStar

This song also kind of fascinates me. The concept of Taylor as the fan instead of the star, set at possibly the very last point in her life where she could realistically sing the bridge - “I’m invisible and everyone knows who you are” - is just... there’s something about it, you feel? It’s like a time capsule from that exact time of Taylor’s life, and it’s wild to think how many people feel like this about her now.

18. The Other Side of the Door

I’ve elected to ignore the obvious read of this song where it’s just. Young failure to communicate and unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Here’s my take on the song: It’s about that feeling where you want things to go like a 90s teen movie, but that ideal teenage experience isn’t real, it’s all fictionalized for those exact movies. And you know that’s the case, you know that it’s all too good to be true, but you’re still kinda salty about it.

Side note, I really like the delivery on the ending lines, with the way it kind of contrasts against the music behind it.

Roll credits, we’ve made it to the end of another album! I don’t know about you guys, but I need a break. So I’m gonna do that, and we’ll be back with another review after a word from our sponsors.

Next up: Speak Now

[70slovergirl]

Jimmy Page Fanfic

Hello! I’m so sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

Also, does anybody else laughs at how much time I dedicate to describe outfits? I mean, it was the 70s after all!

Chapter 6, Part 1

By the time I got to my room, I noticed a square note had been posted on my door.

Gone to sound check. Will send a car for you at seven sharp. Dress Nicely.

Despite the lack of signature, the author of the message was quite obvious. I rolled my eyes at the underlined last sentence, crumbling the paper in my hand and heading inside. It wasn’t to please Mr. Grant, but I decided dedicating an effort to my look tonight was the least I could do, considering it was not only my first real assignment, but also my first Zeppelin concert. I reached for my favorite double single vinyl-Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane, to set the mood for getting ready.

There was a special jumpsuit I had been meaning to wear: a double denim dream, with tight high waisted bell bottoms and a matching asymmetric top. It was edgy but also cool, just the image I wanted to portray as my role as journalist. Pairing it up with scarlet platforms, I looked around my luggage for a long, slim psychedelic fabric that I used as hippie headband. I tied it around my head, letting the knot’s remaining chords tangle in between my locks of hair.

The choice regarding the make-up was just a bit harder, as I struggled deciding between something formal and my natural juvenile taste for things like glitter. I finally decided on fluttery eyelashes, rosy cheeks and yes, a glittery gloss that belonged more to the disco that in a rock concert. Finally, I blew dried my hair into curls that framed my face and concluded I definitely looked nice enough for a night of eternal music.

It was well past six forty when I filled my arms with multicolor bracelets baring messages of peace and love, and I eventually left for the reception, a hand-painted bag slung on my shoulder and my favorite notebook of notes kept under the other one. From afar, I noticed there was a single, silver Cadillac parked in the entrance, and for half a slow-motioned second, I felt like a movie star. That is of course, until one of the back doors opened and a certain difficult musician emerged.

I truly wished I could turn back on my heels and run towards the opposite direction, but I couldn’t let Jimmy Page know I had become agitated by his sudden appearance. It was a matter that was becoming more and more problematic, having mainly to do with the fact he was wearing his stage attire and oh my god how can he look that sensual. It was an embraided masterpiece, an ink-colored fabric that exhibited mystical dragons crawling down the length of his legs. His chest was uncovered. I forgot how to breathe.

Ever the gentlemen, he kept the door open for me, a sly invitation without the necessity of communication. Of course, it was only the illusion of a choice, but I couldn’t be bothered with considerations that didn’t involve getting inside that car. It was dangerous, whatever this was, and the air was thick with tension as soon as he took a seat next to me.

“I have tried, Miss Venus, but I cannot seem to shake off those sharp eyes of yours.” His entire body was poised towards me, but I barely moved my head to acknowledge him, meeting his gaze from under my lashes.

“Its not me nor my eyes, I assure you. We all want the things we can’t have.” It was a cold answer that couldn’t hide the obvious warmth I felt at his compliment.

“And what is it that you want?”

You. I surprised myself at the sudden thought, without warning or logical reasoning, like an automatic answer. I chastised my subconscious and tried to gather any coherent idea left in my brain.

“Publishing this article is my biggest wish.” He rolled those teasing eyes at the mere mention of business, and I couldn’t help melting over the expression. It made the guitarist look years younger, a more playful side to contrast his gloomy exterior.

“You are determined to make me suffer.” It was a light sarcastic tone, and I couldn’t keep the corners of my lips from twitching upwards.

“I understand your disregard towards the media, but let me prove to you what I’m capable of.” I finally turned towards him, my eyes wide open and pleading. His demeanor changed slightly, as though I had somehow managed to cut through his characteristically frosty persona.

Jimmy raised his hand, very slowly, as though he expected me to bat it away. Gently, he took ahold of my neck and painfully dragged his fingers down and down towards my shoulder, where he halted. There was a smirk painted on his ever so handsome face when he noticed the goosebumps his trail had left behind.

“I could say the same to you.” It was such a seductive thing to say, the promise of what could yet happen, that I totally forgot what we were talking about for a second.

“James Page.” I warned, and he slumped back to his seat, defeated.

“Fine. Just answer me this then.” The guitarist searched his pockets for a pack of cigarettes and offered me one, which I shakily took. “What is it exactly that makes a musician great?”

I felt my eyebrows rise at the question since it wasn’t what I was expecting. It was a serious, thoughtful inquiry, and I knew in that moment that the future status of my article depended on the answer I gave. He offered to light my smoke, an entertained look on his face, and I took advantage of the brief time to get my thoughts together.

“It has to do mainly with their personal style.” He looked puzzled at what I had said, and I realized it had come out all wrong. Damn, I’m so much better at writing! “Take for example The Beatles. I mean, they were definitely talented from the start. They knew how to work a crowd and they wrote exactly what teens and lovers wanted to hear. But their sound wasn’t any different from several other pop groups reigning on the radio.

The greatness was truly bestowed upon them when they found the sound that distinguished them, and that only came when they started looking for inspiration within themselves. Suddenly it wasn’t repeated riffs or silly lyrics, but true music that resounded deep in all of our souls. Think of Sgt. Pepper, that album became iconic the minute it was released because it was like nothing out there.”

We shared a look in the silence that proceeded, and I knew this captivating genius and I had finally found common ground. It was more than that, but I just couldn’t point it out.

“You had that since the beginning. That first LP literally knock it out of the park. I remember all the critics were so angry. As a band, you were supposed to grow into greatness, but Zeppelin was born being exceptional.” It was not an attempt to suck up or to try and look full of knowledge, what I had said was my truth regarding them.

This time Jimmy Page’s gaze was not seeking to undress me but was rather calculating. There was something else in there too, but I didn’t know him well enough to understand what it meant.

The car halted, and my body unintentionally got pressed against the musician’s chest. Neither of us moved, somehow frozen, our faces so so close that I could kiss him if I wanted it. I had started to entertain the idea when the door of the automobile flew open. We had arrived at the arena.