#that V should be pointy enough to stab someone

[tacosaysroar]

Font choice is important, everyone.

[xxbyimm]

Confession - Fíli x reader

So here’s my Fili fic of the day! It spiraled out of control (as usual) and suddenly it became much longer than intended it to be. Anyway, I do hope you enjoy my FIRST EVER FÍLI FIC! 

xoxo

Confession

Summary: Reader has developed feelings for the eldest prince of Durin’s folk and has no idea how to handle it.

Tags: @theincaprincess @fizzyxcustard @soradragon Let me know if you want to be added to or removed from my taglist!

Warnings: Mild swearing. A bit of tension and kissing, nothing too explicit.

‘YOU INSUFFERABLE DWARF!’ 

Your voice echoed through the valley. A few birds nearby were startled by your tirade and they flew away, squawking indignantly. Normally you would have thought twice about destroying the peace and quietness of a beautiful place like Rivendell, but today you couldn’t care less. You huffed and trashed the delicate foliage, frantically searching for a path that would take you as far as possible from that unmannered, hateful prince. You did not tolerate anyone belittling you after a day full of running and fearing for your life. Especially not while you were having an argument with a certain stupid dwarven leader who refused to see things your way too. The eldest spawn of Dís had NO right to contradict you like that in front of the whole company!

Oh, how you hated the golden prince. You hated how fine he looked, even after almost being cooked by trolls and chased down by a pack of orcs. You hated his golden manes, the way his hair shone in the setting sun… And how his braids moved when he was tilting that ridiculously handsome head of his. How his mustache braids rocked as he was telling a story with an intricate precision only he could muster.

Ugh. You had a thing for males with long hair and beards. When you took a quick look at your handful of exes, the fact that all of them had long locks and at least some facial hair was abundantly clear.

No wonder that you found yourself swooning over the golden manes of a certain prince. He just possessed two desirable features that made your abdomen churn every time he was near. Evolutionary need, it was. Nothing less, nothing more.

The forest around you grew more dense, making it hard for you to move on. Angrily you paused, got out your knife and started clearing anything that was in the way. With each strike, you imagined stabbing Fíli in his ridiculously handsome face. You hated him. You hated the way he laughed, that light-hearted almost blessed sound that soothed your ears after bearing Thorin’s growling demands all day. How those serene, blue eyes observed EVERYTHING around him, and the way they could flash when the prince was slowly losing his temper. You hated how he and his brother Kíli were sometimes acting like two immature dwarflings, pulling pranks on everyone in the company. He was an idiot, and a smug one too.

Finally you reached a large clearing where you stopped to catch your breath. It was a quiet, peaceful spot, with long, soft looking grass that seemed excellent to nap in and delicate flowers in a variety of colors. The only sound you heard was the rushing of leaves in the wind. The beauty of this place was striking and it made you feel a little ashamed of your recent rage.

It hadn’t been the valley’s fault that you had a fallout with Thorin, nor had it really been Fíli’s doing. To be fair he had made it worse by his comment, but after a day like this… Could you really blame him for making a error in his judgement?<i>‘Yes.’</i> A little voice inside you murmured vividly. <i>‘He hurt me. I hate him with the fire of a thousand suns!’</i> 

You heaved a weary sigh and settled against one of the trees in the soft grass, the exhaustion from the whole day finally getting the better of you. The anger that had pumped through your veins moments ago still lingered under the surface, but the demand of your body to rest was stronger. Your feet were sore, your legs hurt and your head was spinning. All you wanted was to close your eyes and take a moment to relax. Just a moment…

  ‘Y/N?’ Fíli’s voice startled you and your eyes flung open. He was standing no more than ten feet away from you, the expression on his face worried. ‘Are you alright?’ he asked while coming closer. ‘We were worried about you. You’ve been gone for hours.’ ‘I’m fine.’ You croaked, still a little sleepy. 

Ugh. Now he also dared to disturb you in your sleep. Who did he think he was? You blinked slowly and groaned when Fíli’s physique came closer into view. He had taken off his coat and was wearing a dark brown tunic and trousers, and heavy boots. Above the v-neckline of his tunic you could see some blond chest hair.

A soft hand on your shoulder sent pleasant shivers down your spine, but then you remembered the heated argument with Thorin and how the prince had taken his uncle’s side. It was enough to make your blood boil again.

‘Do. Not. Touch. Me.’ you warned in a low hiss. ‘I’m sorry.’ Fíli said, as he quickly withdrew his hand. ‘I should have asked first, please forgive me.’ ‘Yeah, you should!’ You snarled. 

A small part of you hoped that your offensive attitude was enough to drive him away, but Fíli merely walked a few paces back and sat down on the long grass. You felt that knowing gaze of his burning through your soul, but you refused to give him even as much as a glance and stared into the distance. The silence felt less pleasant now and you slowly became very aware of yourself. You shuffled awkwardly in your spot.

‘Am I the reason you stomped off into the valley?’ he softly inquired after a  few minutes. ‘Why would you possibly have anything to do with my actions?’ you scoffed. ‘Even if I wasn’t even part of that reason, I would like to apologize.’ Fíli told you. ‘We had a rough day as it is and when uncle Thorin refused to cut you some slack, I only made it worse.’ ‘Made it worse?’ you retaliated. ‘That’s an understatement! You made a fool out of me against the WHOLE COMPANY! Oh, and did I forget to mention those FEW POINTY EARS IN THE DISTANCE?’ ‘I’m so sorry, Y/N.’ the prince pressed again. ‘It was not my intention to hurt you. Is there anything I can do to make it right?’

 That was another thing you hated about him. His chivalrous behavior towards you. You didn’t want a special treatment and sure as hell did not need one.

 But still… You looked in his direction. Fíli was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the clearing. The daylight was already fading, but the last sunrays shone upon his golden manes. Your heart skipped a beat as you got to watch his hair radiating the warm, golden light of the sun. The silver beads on the ends of his braids were a wonderful contrast. Your fingers curled up in your lap. How would it feel to grasp those braids, to feel the cold metal under your heated skin?

 And as he sat there in the clearing, this gentle and kind dwarf, this king in the making watching you patiently, a daunting realization hit you. The anger that had resided in your chest faded away, leaving a burning ache that burned through your body.

Well, fuck.

 How could you have missed this? After all those years you had spent mending your broken heart, you had forgotten how it felt like. You had told yourself over and over that you were unfit to love, that the long history of unrequited loves and bad relationships were your fault. Maybe you did not deserve it, or it just wasn’t in the books for you. It didn’t matter. You had walled the soft side of you up under this defensive, angry demeanor and that had always protected you from people coming too close.

Sure. It was lonely, but so much more effective.. You preferred it that way, safe and hidden from the rest of the world.

Until this prince came into your life and smashed your carefully built walls without even trying. The painful truth was that you didn’t hate Fíli at all, you just wished you could. You weren’t mad at him, you were mad at yourself for letting your guard down. It only had taken a few weeks to fall head over heels for him. You loved this trained fighter, this valiant prince and you had no idea if he loved you back. It was like someone held your heart in his hands all over again, just moments before crushing it. You were terrified.

‘No.’ you finally whispered, not trusting your voice. ‘Why do I have the feeling this is about more than what happened today?’ he murmured. You shrugged while looking at your feet. Tears welled in your eyes, but you quickly rubbed them away with your sleeve.  ‘Y/N.’ he pleaded. ‘Can I come closer?’ ‘If you must.’ you mumbled. He heaved a weary sigh. ‘Yes, I must. You’re clearly hurting.’ ‘Fine.’ 

You allowed him to sit next to you and even shuffled a bit so he could settle against your tree trunk comfortably.

‘Can I ask you something?’ he inquired. ‘Okay.’ ‘Are you always this tensed?’ he asked quietly. ‘You seem angry all the time, and I couldn’t help but develop this feeling that from the whole company, I seem to tick you off the most.’ You lift up your head to meet his gaze. His bright blue eyes were fixate at your E/C ones, as if he was sure he could find his answer there. ‘I’d like to know what I have done that offended you.’ Fíli whispered. ‘I need to.’ ‘Oh.’ You stammered. ‘No, it’s not you. It’s me. I’m… I’m…’ ‘Please speak truthfully, Y/N.’ ‘I don’t hate you.’ You told him. ‘I wish I did. I…’ 

You could not bear to look at him any longer. You shifted your gaze towards your hands, analyzing the current state of your nails.

‘During my life, I have built up these walls.’ You finally began. ‘People have broken my trust, my heart. I have found safety in hiding away my true self under this angry attitude, and I’d like it to keep it that way.’ ‘That must be lonely.’ You grimaced. ‘But so much more effective.’ ‘But lonely.’ Fíli objected again. ‘Perhaps.’ You gave in. ‘When you’re left with a pile of dust that used to be your heart, you’ll doubt if you’re ever going to be able to love again. 

The rough bark of the tree was starting to hurt your back and you moved a little. The silence hung heavily in the air and you anxiously licked your lips. Your heart was pounding in your chest. The sound was so fucking loud, that Fíli probably would be able to hear it. Heck, make that whole Rivendell. You were inclined to walk away and dodge this whole conversation, but you knew you had to stay put and sit this one through. You just had to keep on breathing, that was the key. 

‘But then there you were.’ You confessed. ‘Shamelessly breaking apart those walls I’ve spent years building and suddenly find myself falling hard for you. But at the same time I’m terrified that once I show you my true self, you’ll hurt me.’ ‘So you lash out.’ Fíli concluded gently. ‘Yes.’ You said, a wry smile displayed on your face. ‘I lash out. And I get that you do not love me back and that’s fine. I’m not relationship material anyway.’ 

There. You said it. Now he only had to tell you he did not return your feelings, and the whole situation would be over. You tried to get up on your feet again, but after sitting down for quite some time, your knees where wobbly and you lost your balance. You fell backwards, landing on his lap.

His skilled hands broke your fall, grabbing your hips to steady you against his own body. Oh god, he was so close. His arms slid around your waist, his scent enfolding you like a blanket. Your thoughts got slurred as all your attention was directed to the places where the two of you touched. Your mouth eventually found a single world, which you breathed out shakily.

‘Sorry.’

Neither of you moved. His arms were wrapped around you, hands laid still against your sides, sending pulsating shocks up your spine. Your backside was still pressed against his chest and the places where you touched your skin was on fire.

‘Y/N.’ Fíli finally spoke, his voice sounding a little hoarse. ‘Yes.’ You moaned. ‘Look at me.’ 

Ever so slowly you turned until your E/C eyes met his again. But where you had expected to see compassion, pity even, you only discovered admiration, laced with an hint of desire.

‘Mahal knows you are everything I have ever wanted in a woman.’ Fíli declared. ‘But I didn’t know if you returned my feelings.’ ‘But I am bad news, Fíli.’ You reasoned. ‘I am the sum of failed romances and broken hearts.’

 But the prince merely shook his head.

‘I’m a lucky bastard because of that, am I not?’ He concluded with a smile. ‘That’s not funny!’ you hissed. ‘I’m deadly serious about this!’ ‘So am I.’ he said. ‘You were meant to be with me, that’s why it didn’t work out before.’ ‘I don’t believe in fate.’ You growled. ‘I choose my own path.’ ‘Then make the choice..’ He dared. ‘Kiss me. Or walk away.’ ‘Are you mocking me?’ ‘I would never.’ The prince replied, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away. ‘I’m simply giving you a choice.’ ‘Much of a choice I got when you’re holding me.’ You pointed out. ‘Fine.’ Fíli let you go and raised his hands in the air. ‘Then go.’ ‘Really?’ Fíli shrugged, a small smile painted on his lips. ‘As I said: your choice.’  You narrowed your eyes, still not sure if he was mocking you or not. ‘But if I walk away, you can’t make it up to me.’ The prince chuckled. ‘That’s true, my lady.’ ‘If you say my lady to me again, I’ll make you suffer for it.’ You cautioned. He smirked. ‘Makes me wonder what you’ll do…’ 

But before he could tease you any further, you rushed forward and caught him in a hungry kiss. He groaned into your mouth as your surge of passion spread like wildfire. Hips were grinding, hands wandering. Your fingers clawed through his golden hair, finding the silver beads in his manes and pulling on his braids. As Fíli deepened the kiss, the bristle hairs of his beard were scratching the delicate skin of your face, setting it on fire. You hissed as the cold metal of the beads in his mustache braids soothed the burns. The prince’s arms slipped around your waist, his hands grabbing the soft flesh of your hips. A moan escaped him when you pushed yourself against his arousal, the sound sending waves of pleasure through your body.

It was not enough, yet too much. You weren’t ready to lose yourself completely. With all your control you broke the kiss and sat back like a panting mess. Fíli was watching you intently, the fire in his blue eyes undeniable. A naughty smirk was displayed on his lips, inviting you to repeat what just happened.

‘I’m sorry.’ You blurted out while retreating further on his lap, still panting. ‘What for?’ Fíli teased with a sigh. A giggle escaped you. ‘This explosion. It’s just that I have wanted to do this for ages.’ ‘Don’t be.’ The prince assured you as he pulled you closer once more. ‘I feel exactly the same…’

[matchstickwords]

Oh my god, I'm not gonna lie and say this is the red crop top I pictured Steve was wearing here but also now it can be. (Which makes the part where Billy grabs the hem 100% hotter. How can you expect Billy to L I V E after witnessing such perfection? How did he even drive with Steve wearing that just inches apart. it's beyond me)

I imagine Steve's mom goes to France or Italy and brings him stuff that Steve wears 1 (one) and only one time and he totally hides in the back of his wardrobe.

And now suddenly I'm writing Billy's pov, fuck. Harringrove once again taking over my life.

-

When Neil ordered him to ferry Maxine around for the summer Billy was pissed. Beyond furious.

But that was before he found Steve Harrington looking like a wet dream by the side of the road with the gaggle of children he pretended not to like.

Billy was drivin' his car windows down, fast enough that he could feel the breeze even if it had that vague earth and farm quality to it. When his brain caught up with the shapes surrounding the familiar BMW Harrington drove. He put the car in reverse and met the other car.

His intent was to yell something mean and cutting but vaguely helpful when his eyes landed on Steve. And he swore all breath left him.

Billy stared. Something hungry roared inside him at the sight of Steve's exposed skin. He wore white shorts that positively hugged him making plain to everyone what monster he had trapped in those tight shorts. And a red crop top that looked painted on.

He knew the shape of Steve's body from the locker room of course and the showers but not enough, he never had time to let his eyes wander for so long. Not like this, where Billy had the opportunity because his black lenses covered him. His eyes did tend to follow the line of Steve's big shoulders down to his slim waist briefly because you're not supposed to look. And if Billy let himself he wouldn't be able to stop. Like right now.

Steve was wearing- he, Billy knows Steve is rich or something. Since he lives in the better part of town. But this?

Steve looks like a model from an expensive magazine. Vaguely he recalls from a time when his mom had to stash him at work because the nanny bailed on her. A magazine heavy and glossy that belongs to a big fancy house. He remembers mom telling him don't touch anything, sit tight until I'm done and I'll give you candy. As she gave him the first thing she found to entertain himself while she cleaned. Billy tried to read it. some of the letters he knew but he couldn't make a lick of sense off them, but it was filled with pictures anyway and he spent an afternoon looking at men and women dressed for parties or dressed for the beach.

Steve looks like he belongs there. Long soft hair, skin shining. Billy wants to taste every part of him.

Steve's shoulders are hunched as if he can tell Billy is looking. Harrington takes his sweet time giving him his attention.

Steve's lips are sucking on a popsicle. Making his lips red and shiny making this so much harder for Billy so he leaves the pleasantries to Max. He's never gonna get this chance again.

Until he has to stop looking at Steve's fingers when Max sharply stabs her pointy elbow into his arm. He has no idea what is happening but he maintains his cool and slides his shades to slowly leer at Steve. He makes his offer knowing Steve won't say yes because that's what he always does when he's exposed with his presence and it's only Billy's entire fault. He can at least say that much.

Then the younger Byers is tripping over himself to share his popsicle and while Billy can smile over that, his eyes don't stray from the drop of sweat that travels down Steve's temple.

Steve makes a face and it shouldn't make Billy light up like a fucking cheap neon sign but it fucking does because it means he wins.

His plan is to chomp on the popsicle and be done with the whole thing until, until Steve Harrington says "just the tip" and Billy is not a saint but he thinks somewhere out there someone should build him a shrine when he shuts his trap about it (but mostly It's because he's trying not to choke).

He dares Steve to move when he doesn't take the popsicle. Steve's bitchy face is all he ever needs to get him going, so he does his most for it. Steve gets closer and when Billy meets him halfway his gold Virgin Mary medal clanks against the driver's door.

Billy is looking right at Steve when he deepthroats that cherry popsicle. Sees the way Steve swallows and thinks gotcha.

See, Billy is going places.

He pops it back with one hand when the bushy kid screams tramping over Sinclair to get into the car. Not even the dread of having five kids on his backseat can overshadow this.

But still, he crosses over the metaphorical straight line to test Steve. His fingers tingle when he touches Steve's warm skin and pulls softly on the red hem of the crop top "I love summer" he says cheekily when he means exactly what Steve thinks he means but he can't say, with the Oliver Twist wannabes behind him.

He enjoys the shiver that he elicits when he ghosts his fingers over Steve's happy trail.

Billy's gonna get it.

He smiles and tries not to crash his car when Steve sits in the passenger side his legs in full display.

He swears mentally. Billy can't die yet so he keeps his eyes on the road. He can feel every time Steve moves. The kids start screaming about god knows what and Steve turns to yell at them and Billy can smell him.

This is hell.

[bewareofchris]

@chamiryokuroi, i have so many feelings and so few of them are good that i almost don’t want to go into it on the internet.  but,

(This turned into a dissertation) OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE INFINITY WAR SPOILERS BELOW THIS POINT.

first off let me say that I walked into this movie with the expectation that marvel was going to behave in a predictable marvel way.  and what exactly is a predictably marvel way to act?

Cap is the Hero, Tony tries but fails, Thor can’t understand that reference but he’s super powerful, for reasons unknown powers that worked yesterday fail today, a critical part of the plot hinges upon a relationship or a decision that the audience hasn’t had enough time to form a bond with and so the critical emotional peak of the movie falls flat

so what happened in Infinity War?

Lets get started by saying that I don’t honestly care if Loki dies, but I am 100% disappointed that he didn’t have a better plan, more action or a real shot at doing anything.  I mean.  This little shit is basically a cockroach that’s been alive forever and he’s done all kinds of shit in that time but the BEST IDEA he had was to try to stab Thanos right in his stupid face?  

I see that the Bifrost works however it wants now.  Good to know.  

WOULD YOU FUCKING MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND ABOUT TONY FUCKING STARK’S GLOWING FUCKING CHEST MY DUDE.

Look, I don’t think its a leap for Tony to wear nanobots and a hoodie that turns into a suit.  I think that’s 100% in character, but Marvel you’re a bunch of morons that took the shiny thing out of Tony’s chest several movies ago you can’t just show up now and act like that didn’t happen because he looks better with it.  This is like 0% relative and 100% nitpicky but it’s part of a greater Marvel Realized That Was Silly So They Changed It and Acted LIke We Wouldn’t Notice issue.

Bruce exists in this movie basically as a cheap joke and a town crier.  THANOS IS COMING, THANOS IS COMING.  Its like someone in the group writer meeting was like: dude, the Hulk is too much.  We’ve literally seen the Hulk take on everything.  We’ve established he’s undefeatable.  We can’t go back now.  How are we going to deal with the Hulk being a thing?  And the guy sitting next to him, balancing a pencil on his nose was like IDK what if we just like, inexplicably and for no reason we ever need to explain, make the Hulk not show up?  What if the Hulk gets hurt or scared by Thanos?  And he doesn’t show up?  OH DUDE then Bruce can use an Iron Man suit and we’ll do the trailers and make it look like the whole group is there!  

You know else is too fucking powerful to let loose too early in the movie?  Thor.  You know they did this in Age of Ultron too, they were like: lets give him a vision of Ragnorok and send him to a sparkle pool to take his shirt off and see things, so he could not be present when Cap was fighting Ultron.  Here they send him off with a Rabbit (this genuinely amused me no lie) and Groot.  And Thor speaks Groot.  A language he learned in high school.  He’s 1500 years old.  How does he remember high school Groot?  but that’s not important, what is important is that he’s off on a side quest waking up some dead star to forge some Thanos-killing weapon because as we see in the final battle as soon as Thor shows up looking hella fine, the show is basically over.

COULD SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP THE FUCK OUT OF STEVE GOD DAMN ROGERS.  Look, I understand that its upsetting when someone randomly suggests that killing themselves is the only way to save the planet but Rogers, if you aren’t the single most annoying hypocrite that ever walked the earth.  (At least the movie did point this out.  At least it did that.)  “We don’t trade lives?”  FUCK YOU STEVE.  It was ONE FUCKING LIFE versus HALF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE.  Everyone can do that math.  One Life < Half the Universe.  SEE, THE OPEN MOUTH GOES TOWARD TEH BIGGER NUMBER YOU SANCTIMONIOUS FUCK.

Honestly, Steve at the end, collapsing as he said ‘oh God’ is the only part of the entire MCU wherein Steve seems to sort of grasp that just because he wants the world to work a certain way doesn’t mean it will.  I hate to be a petty bitch but I’m 100% okay with everyone dying because at least Captain Fucking Rogers was wrong AND THE STORY CANNOT DENY IT.

This is going out of order, I’m sorry.

Lets talk about Thanos.  I actually liked Thanos.  I bear him no ill will.  He’s completely insane, but he’s doing what he thinks must be done for the greater good.  (*COUGH* THE SAFEST HANDS ARE STILL OUR OWN */COUGH*)  He is consistently insane which is nice.

but honestly.  I mean, honestly, if this bastard was this set on doing this shit and this capable of it, why the fuck didn’t he show up earlier?  Was it because he didn’t know where all the stones were?  I feel like it’s been a couple of movies now that he should have known where most of them were?  Why not collect them one at a time?  Why not send out his assortment of assassins to collect them individually?  He could have gotten all of the not-earth stones and then shown up to the party like HAHA BITCHES GUESS WHO THE FUCK I AM and 0 people would have known.

but this way is good too.  I guess.

This plot hinges entire on a string of inconveniences.  If not for bad timing, this series of events would not have unfolded in this way.  I try not to get bitchy about conveniences because things happen in real life that would seem a lot like the cosmic writer whose dictating our lives never took a writing class, BUT if it progresses your story and makes things easier for you (the writer) to accomplish what the plot (and not necessarily the characters) needs/wants to happen next it’s lazy.

The iris mechanism breaking?

Thanos having already found the reality stone?

Gamora secretly being the only thing he loves?

Nebula only escaping after it’s too late?

Cap’s abilities being literally ‘whatever the story needs, is he mortal, is he not?’

Bruce and Hulk’s domestic issue

Dr. Strange apparently being able to not only tolerate 14 million alternate futures but also remember them with enough confidence to make decisions for everyone without consulting them

Everything that happened when Quill found out about Gamora

The end part where the axe to the chest didn’t stop Thanos

the convenient core-member survival of the Avengers

I truly believe in my heart that Marvel decided to kill Black Panther before they realized how popular that movie and character would be and fuck them.  

While we’re at it.  Fuck them for that whole thing.  Like I get that T’Challa was leading his people, but the movie is framed in a way where he’s kind of an afterthought?  

They definitely underestimated him, that’s all I’m saying.  And Shuri.

THEY MISUSED THEM.  THEY DID NOT TREAT THEM FAIRLY.

Look, I love Tony and I”m super happy that the MCU finally, finally stopped treating him like he was insane.  Don’t get me wrong here, having Thanos show up and having Tony be like I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS is great.

What’s not great?  Is the fact that Tony who literally has been waiting for this this whole time suddenly had very little back up plan?  He had enough time to send Peter Parker a suit but he didn’t have a trove of alternate suits, or weapons, or anything that he could have sent along with it?  I know he had a few minutes to think but ALIENS ARE INVADING IS LITERALLY THE THING HE’S BEEN FRETTING ABOUT SINCE AVENGERS 1.

I’m just saying, they could have had him be slightly more prepared.  

Having said that, Tony was amazing.  

One of the best parts of the movie is that twenty seconds where it looks like he’s having a stroke when he realizes he’s working with idiots.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU LET THEM GET THE GAUNTLET OFF IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO HAVE QUILL FREAK OUT?

No I’ll tell you.  Because it’s Marvel.  

Honestly that fight V. Thanos in space was amazing.  10/10.  Until Quill.

I have never been more furious about anything in my life than I was about Thanos trying to smash Steve Rogers into the ground and being unable to.  Like, even his face seemed to be conveying some kind of ‘what is this bullshit happening before me’ 

(IS HE MORTAL?  IS HE NOT?)

I also hated Steve’s shields, but I appreciate that they went with a pointy design so that he could more directly murder his helpless victims in combat.  Someone needs to introduce Steve to Jeff Goldblum because I feel like he’d either invite Cap to join the harem or the gladiators or both and it would be glorious either way.

Gamora’s death shouldn’t have won the soul stone because Thanos is a piece of shit.  He’s nuts.  The Soul Stone should have just thrown her back up there while laughing hysterically something like “AHAHAHA MY MAN, YOU’RE A PSYCHO, HAHAHA, YOU DON’T LOVE ANYTHING.”

That moment when you realize that if even one thing had changed in this movie the entire sequence of events would collapse.  That moment.

Also, how the living fuck did Tony live through getting impaled?  How?  HOW.

Dr. Strange: LET TONY LIVE Thanos: like, aren’t you a medical doctor? Dr. Strange: yes, but that’s not important Thanos: I’m not a medical doctor, like I’m just a crazy man, but he is definitely definitely dead. Dr. Strange: ok, yes, but. Thanos: no wait, I’m just--you’re really going to give up the time stone, a stone that as of this moment is basically impossible to get off you, just because you want Tony to live?  He’s definitely going to die.  I stuck this whole sharp thing through him. Dr. Strange: I KNOW IT SEEMS UNLIKELY BUT ROBERT DOWNEY JR SELLS MOVIES, OK.  HE’S ADORABLE. Thanos:  ...whatever dude.  Give me the green glowy thing

NO HUMAN BEING CAN COMPREHEND 14 MILLION ANYTHINGS.   This isn’t a number people can relate to.  It’s meaningless.  Why do all these movies have to overact?  Lets blow up a whole planet, lets kill half the universe, lets act like a human mind can comprehend 14 million alternate timelines

The fanservice in this movie was incredible.  Like, I’m now convinced there’s a whole team of interns at Marvel scouring the internet for more jokes.  

“Hey boss, they seem to think Rocket trying to steal Bucky’s arm would be hilarious.  So should we do that?” “GREG MY BOY WHAT A FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC IDEA.”

I loved Tony’s whole outfit.  I loved the nano bots.  I even loved at the end when he was running out and he had to redistribute them.  It was amazing

“Home” says Steve Fucking Rogers, the international war criminal that was like ‘but he’s my friend’.  BITCH THAT ISN’T YOUR HOME.

I’m actually 100% furious just at the fact that Rhodey who supported the accords immediately didn’t give one fuck about them as soon as it was convenient to want to be on Cap’s side instead.  I’m FURIOUS that the Accords didn’t matter.  They never did, but the fact that Rhodey was the last man standing that believed in them and he handwaved that shit away as soon as he laid eyes on Steve’s gruff unshaven face, its just like getting kicked in the nuts.

I just looked it up apparently Black Panther and Infinity War were filmed back to back which meant that Marvel had 0 idea how well Black Panther would do in theaters and honestly that must have been why they were like “ah yes you guys remember T’Challa?  Well. basically he just gives Steve some shields and that’s fucking it.”

(I know he did more than that, but he was still treated like a convenient secondary character who had convenient abilities, like Groot who couldn’t be bothered to do anything until someone needed an axe handle.)

C O M M U N I C A T I O N.  It really could have solved so many things. Dr. Strange: 14 million alternate futures Tony: cool.  how many did we win? Dr. Strange: 1. Tony: wait what?  TELL ME EXACTLY WHO DID WHAT Dr. Strange: I’m sorry I can’t just tell you the plot I’m not Mark Ruffalo.

Peter Parker did break my heart.

this is just personal preference but since I don’t find Chris Pratt funny at all, basically all the minutes that were put into his character were wasted on me

This movie cannot stand on it’s own.  That’s not a negative.  You don’t go see a movie like Infinity Wars if you haven’t already spent the last decade on the others leading up to it.  

but, my dudes, you did not set up Wanda/Vision well enough.  And so much emphasis was put on this.  SO MUCH.  She’ll have to destroy him, it’ll have to be her.  Ok.  Cool.  So lets get to it.

I may be heartless.

Gamora crying when she though she’d killed Thanos felt more authentic than Wanda’s entire crisis about Vision.

But, hey, I’m sure in the next one they’ll do something stupid as fuck that’ll make the emotional punch of this movie completely fucking worthless.