#that I shouldn’t want to live cause I’m disabled

[trobedisontime]

Just started gotham season 5…most of its great!! However can I just say as a disabled person I hate what’s going on with Selina. I know they were trying to reference the killing joke but I just….don’t care? Cause the way they did it was so odd and it doesn’t make sense to do that to a character they obviously can’t make that big of a permanent change to so it’s just turned into a “character would rather die then be disabled” thing and … I kinda hate it… Might change my mind as I watch the rest of the show and this is obviously not a super coherent nuanced thought but yeah it’s just bumming me out

[kiingkiismet]

Ok, so Joe dropped out of the race. Awesome! Next order of business—vote for Kamala.

“Isn’t she a cop/didn’t she cause damage to the ___ community??/she’s just as bad as Joe!!!”

Here’s the thing. No matter who you have in office, they will always have blood on their hands somehow, some way, as getting to a position like that requires you to step on multiple people’s shoes and worse. There is no ethical option by default. However, there’s a little funky little thing called ✨nuance✨. You are not (and should not) be voting for a candidate based on your own moral individual standing. What you need to do, is vote for the person who is going to cause the least amount of damage to those who are most vulnerable—I.e. people of color, LGBTQ, disabled folk, immigrants, and so on.

NO, it shouldn’t have to be like this, but it is. Individualism is going to be your downfall if you want to die on that hill. At the end of the day, people on the right will not care if you do die on that hill, in fact, they’d prefer if you were just dead in general to be brutally honest with you. So, on top of your protesting (which did work! Joe dropped out because of poor voter turnout and low approval), exercise whatever rights we have left to beat that shriveled up orange since this IS an alternative and arguably better candidate that we’ve been asking for. Not perfect, but leagues better and isn’t an old white man for once.

The goal here is harm reduction, that’s what this is. Get your ass out in November and beat Trump’s ass because she is better than a literal wanna be dictator who plans on stripping everyone’s rights day one. Be so real.

And before anyone tells me that I’m selfish—I am literally speaking as a disabled, transgender black dude. We are already LIVING the horrors that white people are now suddenly aware of because it’s only now threatening you. Don’t tell me shit that we’ve already been living and aware of for decades before you and HAVE told you.

[liminalweirdo]

if you're covid cautious, disabled, or otherwise trying to protect yourself and your community from our fave airborne vascular disease/mass disabling event aka the third leading cause of death in the US this guide is super helpful. It includes how to handle stuff like:

Harm reduction

Making sure you have the facts and necessary context

Navigating common misconceptionsMasks“Masks don’t work” / “masks aren’t safe” / “masks are dangerous.”

“Masks do work, but cloth masks are fine.” / “I wear a cloth mask!”

“Masks are uncomfortable” / “I can’t breathe in a mask” / “Masks make my skin break out” / “Masks fog up my glasses so I can’t see” / etc

“I can’t find a mask that fits my face!”

“I don’t want to wear a mask because I’m wearing a formal outfit / I don’t want to mask because it’s not stylish.”

“I can’t afford high-quality masks.”

Reality clashes / Not seeing eye to eye“All you talk about is Covid.” or: anger/hostility toward you, for bringing up the subject

“I couldn’t live the way you do and take all those precautions! It’s too hard” / “It’s not fair that I should have to change my lifestyle. Other people are still eating indoors, so why shouldn’t I?”

Individual vs government responsibility“Nobody’s masking anymore”

“I shouldn’t have to wear a mask. It’s the government’s responsibility to enforce masking / improve ventilation. / This is a systemic problem and the burden shouldn’t be put on individuals to do the right thing.”

from covid canary's instagram acount:

"Share with alllll your people, this is a very gentle guide. We NEED to get it seen outside our typical circles, to onboard more people into having good faith conversations about how to protect each other!❤️‍🔥"

- source

[dissociationdude]

MEET THE ARTIST - 24TH EDITION

Hi everyone, my name is Milos, and I felt it was time for a new introduction. 

I’m a 24 year old neurodivergent nonbinary queer multimedia expressionist artist. 

Wow, a lot of labels I know! I just feel these are the most important ones for me.

I’m based in Ontario, Canada.

My work is a very personal part of me. I use art for therapeutic reasons most of the time, and the expressionism is a very important aspect of that. Most of the time I do not think of the final product of what I am making, just focus on what I’m feeling while I create and evoking those emotions with my art. I have a lot of work based on traumatic events, but the reason for these creations was never to evoke the feelings of being alone, unwanted, etcetera; they were created to make the viewers who deal with the same emotions to feel less alone in those things. It is for those who have survived trauma to know it’s hard to have that trauma and carry it, and there is safe spaces to put it down. My art is aiming to be a safe place to survivors who are struggling, to provide a place to weep, to provide a place to be seen. Many of my works are graphic, talking about the trauma I went through in ways others find grotesque. And to that I say: Why should I have to carry something so grotesque, alone? Why can’t I put it down somewhere, and put the appropriate context warnings? My work is not to promote the grotesque in a way that is profiting, but to show that this is what some people endure in life. I want to be allowed to show my darkest vulnerabilities with my art, because I shouldn’t have to feel shame for what others have done to me, and nobody else should hold onto shame caused by others harming them, in my eyes. My work is a conversation starter about how trauma manifests in people. I want it to be that way. Other times, my work is very bright, happy, storytelling. It depends on what I’m going for in the respect of the piece being about the trauma events, or the trauma recovery. I basically just make a lot of work based on different trauma. I tend to pull inspiration from musicians I like as well. Many people knew me for my Crywank album series, I did art for almost every song of every album they have made. 

I always want to evoke emotion with colour and narrative, and I do that with various tools. Digitally I work on an iPad Pro 4th gen 12.9 inch and an Apple Pencil that I bought used off a friend. I also have a Wacom bamboo tablet for my computer and when I use adobe products for university. I have a variety of magazines, books, paper, that I use for collage works. I often paint with acrylic paint on canvas for paintings, but sometimes wood boards as well. When I work in sketchbooks they’re usually max size 5x7inches for travel purposes, but my pencil case is huge and loaded with supplies. I always have a bag of words handy for collage poetry.

I am really not into talking about myself in regards to my personality, but I feel like I’m a very anxious but always trying their best kind of guy. I don't have other socials I'm sharing on because I have grown to hate social media. I don’t really do much for work aside from lawn care because my disabilities, but I am in university full time pursuing to be an art therapist, and I’m doing my best to adapt to living in a safe, non traumatizing environment. 

Thanks for enjoying my art in the process of me learning to love myself fully, and accept my trauma. 

Love to everyone,

Milos / Dissociationdude 

[yutaholic]

Thank you for even making that post because I honestly feel like I’m going to explode!! Championing every issue is EXHAUSTING. I have such empathy fatigue. Bombardment of “rules”, behavioral guidelines, services, companies, networks + food brands & PEOPLE to boycott ALL THE TIME. Fandom is space many of us come to unplug from reality…it’s certainly my hyperfixation & ppl be like “well then get another one because you shouldn’t support–” IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT. Fuck. I can’t take it anymore. Calls to action being in EVERY single place have weakened my mental state even more than it was before which was already on “pending disability” level of severe & now I’m just. burned t-absolute-f out….at everything!! I can literally FEEL myself unraveling. Kpop stans & their toxic activism can go to hell. They’re so worried about making sure to condemn others for “not doing enough” or being bad people, that they don’t even realize their actions are making them into bad people. This shit takes a toll on mental health, there is science behind this, it is real and what happens to human beings when inundated with constant terrible news, and it’s not just being ~too privileged to care~ but these performative mfs have no concept of blacklisting anymore and just want to assume the absolute worst about someone, call them names & wish harm on folks who are at the end of their ropes! It’s maddening! So even if compassion fatigue isn’t why you didn’t go out of your way to Denounce and Drag™️ him (bc you totally have the right to simply not want to do that on a fanfic blog!) I’m just glad someone else stated that this is supposed to be an ESCAPE. fuck.

Baby, burnout will fuck you up. Don't do that to yourself. Take the time you need and recoup. Life is a constant war and you can afford to lose a battle here and there to focus on your own health and well-being. Getting yourself back into a good place mentally will be a huge win. We both know the ppl obsessed with performative activism aren't doing anything from a place of compassion. The real ones are out there making change, not sending people death threats online from the comfort and safety of their mommy's basement.

When I posted the pic of NCT Dream and Big Time Rush, I wrote in the tags how BTR was something my sister and I loved and bonded over. We watched the show even though it was obviously a kids show and we were both adults. It was just something that gave us joy. My sister passed away years ago and anything BTR-related will make me teary because I think about how much we laughed together over it.

So the first thing I get are messages over how problematic BTR is, that I should delete the post or I'm pro-genocide if I don't dislike them. Ngl that made me so upset because I got a bunch of faceless people trying to taint some precious memories of me and my sister. If they came at me trying to educate me on things I didn't know that would be different, but it's straight to judgment and hatred toward me over something I posted that was totally innocent.

Meanwhile I get criticized for posting about a kpop group instead of reblogging every call to action post. I donate my money to these causes, but I don't post about it because I don't need my ass kissed for doing what I know to be right. I am 1000% sure the anons in my inbox that try to police me have never given a dime to anything, but are policing people's blogs for not reblogging posts or talking about it more.

I feel bad that I haven't been very active on here this year so I try to come on when I have some free time to interact with you guys. I make a silly post about Doyoung and get anons tearing into me for it like I'm his social media manager. Okay so because the world is going to shit we aren't allowed to enjoy anything?? Can't make jokes about anything. Can't show support for anything. Just wrong on every fucking count.

Believe me I am so goddamn aware of how lucky I am that I can sit here and say I'm very privileged that I live comfortably in the life I have. I know what's going on in the world and I do my part to help where I can, but I also have to keep functioning. I don't want every minute of my life to be seeped in anger, I did that for a long time and it not only eats away at you, it makes you ineffective in actually changing the things making you angry in the first place.

This was just supposed to be a blog where I posted my stories. One of the few places I could go and not constantly be reminded of how fucked up the world is. I've always said that people who told me reading a fic of mine made their day a little better or helped them escape for a bit were always my favorite. That was what I came here for and I loved being able to share the tiniest moments of peace and quiet with others through stories with guaranteed happy endings.

I'm frustrated because I have 4 drafts ready to go next year. I got the story posts done and made all the headers. But I don't want to post them. I have no problem admitting I'm selfish and spiteful. Even though I can turn off anon, I can't block these miserable people and I don't want them reading my stuff. They don't get to consume my content and then tell me to off myself right after.

A massive fuck you to those of you that ruined this blog for me.

[of-mutton-and-wool]

So more cotl reincarnate thoughts

Basically reminder

Because the youngest died first

The youngest are the oldest and the oldest are the youngest

I’m not entirely sure if their disabilities carry into this life ( I am leaning towards yes so, we are going to assume these apply here)

Oh and it’s like hundreds of years after the main plot so it’s modern times

Shamura

- their about 14-15ish at the start of this au

- their parents are pretty neglectful. They keep food in the fridge but never have time to see shamura, so they mostly spent time by themselves when they were at a age where they could ‘take care of themselves’

- because of this neglect shamura struggles in social interactions because nobody taught them anything how to really interact with their peers

- plus they struggle in school due to undiagnosed memory issues + adhd (they don’t know. Doctors scare them so they try not to say anything)

- they aren’t exactly bullied? But like, they aren’t exactly friends with anyone either

- … its lonely at school.

- because of this shamura is very enthusiastic and latched onto anyone who gives them the time of day

- this leads to shamura befriending Leshy, the city’s local Florida man.

- they got a shitty laptop for their 12th birthday and have unrestricted internet access (to their gain and detriment)!

- their main interests are mythology, video games, and programming + hacking

- they honestly feel the safest inside their room in a little tent they created with webbing and tents

- they babysit camellia from time to time!!

- once did soccer. Got kicked off because they bit another kid

Leshy

- like, 30

- he was born blind :].

- he’s married!!! To the yellow cat, Elio!! They have a daughter and her name is camellia!!

-how does that work? I don’t know! Its best not to ask

- he loves his family very much

- he’s known for causing trouble around the city, no major crime (to his dismay, but he has a husband and daughter he wants to stay close to).

- he thinks the governing body of the city is a bunch of cowards

- I’m not entirely sure how Leshy gets around just yet but I’m tempted to give him a service worm which assists him in his schemes! Or he’s lived in the city his whole life. Maybe both.

-cops hate him. He hates the cops.

- sorta concerned that shamura hangs around him because ‘shouldn’t you be hanging out with your peers??? ‘

- but hey leshys got a pal!

- Leshy 🤝 shamura (living in the unmarketable part of town)

- he can purr :]

- Leshy really resents his parents. They were the opposite of shamura’s, they were VERY overprotective and basically locked Leshy at home

- he doesn’t talk to them anymore. They’ve long since moved out so they will leave him alone.

- when he’s upset Leshy tends to fall back into some old self destructive habits

- despite being very lively he doesn’t often go to crowded parts of town because he much prefers to be able to hear thank you very much.

Heket

- late 20s (probably about 28)

- she feels… stuck. She didn’t have enough money for collage and she ended up dropping out of high school for reasons I can’t think of right now

- she lives with her family and siblings. They operate decently successful supermarket.

- heket wants to be satisfied but she’s not. There is this anger inside her she can’t do anything about.

- she’s had her fair share of petty crime in her youth. Unlike Leshy she’s mellowed out.

- she’s selectively mute again due to lore reasons. She knows sign language and usually keeps a notepad on her.

- She sees kallamar a lot, and being the only other person she knows who knows sign language, she and him are good aquitances

- the type to blast music when she’s upset

- the only one I would trust behind a steering wheel

- decent relationship with her parents (shocking).

- decent with kids as well! She babysits her siblings a lot. Babysat shamura when they were younger (they haven’t spoken since)

- probably started smoking in high school and has yet to quit the habit

- honestly romantic intimacy scares her so she’s not in the romance scene

- she actually used to be in a band! She still has her base and plays it sometimes, reminds her of simpler times

- also as a way to try and manage her anger she took up crocheting. While not particularly patient she can make a damn good granny square.

- she doesn’t drink. She just doesn’t consider herself a fun person to drink around.

Kallamar

- about 24ish

- cunty,, in collage. He’s a trust fund kid </3

- he’s in college for medicine but really kallamar wants to be a fashion designer (but daddy said no because ‘that’s not a man’s job’)

- still, when he isn’t drowning in work kallamar daydreams about running his own clothing brand.

- kallamar frequents a local convenience store because they are the only place to have the drinks he likes, and thus he’s become friendly with heket!

- considers her his friend. Your honor he’s just a little lonely

- you will NEVER catch him lacking in the fit department. Will GUSH about his choices if you let him

- some of his fits are definitely not practical tho, he just doesn’t know when to not wear something

- he makes most of the stuff he wears! His mother taught him

- he thinks he’s pretty. Not in a vain way, he just thinks he’s an attractive person

- pericings guy.

- he’s an average student, not particularly special.

- he envies heket a little because it looks like she’s got it all figured out and has her whole life set out

- kallamar is paralyzed by uncertainty in his one future

- he’s got a fast reaction time, VERY good at dance dance revolution.

- he’s to afraid to get a tattoo but he paints little symbols on himself!

- very sassy. Kinda mean to, in his head he’s Regina George but in reality he’s just kinda pathetic

- however he gives really good advice.

No narinder lore (yet) sorry :[

[bluedalahorse]

Here’s a random Young Royals ask:

What career do you think Sara will have in the future? Or what do you think her dream job would be?

I hope your day is lovely and amazing!!

Thank you! I hope your day is lovely and amazing too.

This is a great ask, and one where you might get more than you asked for. In part because I’ve thought about it a lot. I have not only a dream job in mind for Sara, but also some nightmare jobs as well. (Don’t worry, it’s all related to fanfic plots living in my head, and I promise they end in a good place.)

Is it okay if I start with Sara’s nightmare job? This one sort of popped into my head as I was envisioning what a Second Chance Romance could look like between Sara and August, maybe a decade after canon where August has done a lot of work and made various restitutions to Simon and gotten much more of his shit together.

As for that story… I thought it might be interesting, as far as like, what generates a plot and character arc, to put Sara at a job that’s taking advantage of her compassion and desire for justice. In my experience it’s pretty common for younger people to end up in situations like that in their first jobs, and I think it’d be interesting if Sara was in a place where she won’t deal with that in a romantic partner anymore, but she hasn’t learned to recognize it in a work situation yet. (This is pretty common in growing up—you tackle one issue in one part of one’s life and it sneakily migrates to another part.) So she’s working this nightmare job for an autism charity I’ve sneakily called PuzzleChildren (it’s a reference, shout if you get it!) which is trying to rehabilitate its image after news breaks that they haven’t really hired any actually autistic people. Sara’s hired by them, and they sound sincere at first so she’s trying her best to make things work with her coworkers and bosses, but over time she just kind of realizes that this place is shit and has no intention of changing. And then she moves into a line of work that’s much more fulfilling for her.

And what might that be? Well, I’m still deciding, but there’s a few career paths where I can see Sara being particularly happy:

Some sort of career in Environmental or Disability Justice. I’m not exactly sure why. It’s just vibes. I do think Sara is a person who cares deeply about people and causes, and both of those are areas where I can see her learning more at university and just finding a place that makes sense for her.

Helping people, especially other neurodivergent people, using some kind of animal therapy. Doesn’t have to be horses! Or maybe Sara will train service dogs or something. It’s possible Sara’s affinity for horses could translate over to other animals, and she could find a career path in that general direction.

Graphic novelist or picture book writer. We see Sara drawing in one scene in season 1, and for that reason, she’s always been someone who likes to draw in my head. We also know she’s a keen observer of human behavior and could have some interesting insights if she ever decided to write a story. I can see her doing memoir graphic novels with a similar tone to like, stuff by Marjane Satrapi or Maggie Thrash. Of course if the monarchy’s still around they might want to sue her for her honesty. But they shouldn’t.

What do you think? I can see lots of possibilities for Sara in the future!

[genderkoolaid]

As a trans and disabled person, I have no strong opinions on endo systems but I actively hate “transdisabled” people. Most of the community I see treats disability like an aesthetic, like I chose to have my legs not work and that I look cool in my chair. And yeah maybe I do look cool but my disability brings so much fucking pain it feels disrespectful to act like it’s something I should be happy about. If you’re not in pain, you’re not in pain. Gender is a social construct but disability (to an extent, and I’m talking about my disability which severely impacts my nervous system and also causes access tissue to grow leading to severe pain) is not a social construct. It is something I have to suffer through every fucking day and to try and co-opt and draw conclusions between me and someone who doesn’t have to go through that is so disrespectful to me. You do not want this, it is painful and frightening and I have a good chance of dying before 30. If you feel like you have these symptoms and can’t afford a doctor I have no hate against self dxing. But acting like you have a disability with no symptoms is just a plain fuck you to those who suffer from them everyday.

Again, if you feel transdisabled due to an underlying psychological issue, I wish you the best and I hope you’re able to access adequate mental health care. But you do not have what I have. Your body is not twisted, you do not wake up everyday in agony, your body is not destroying yourself and I find it horrific of you to act like it is. For me transableism feels like it is treating the fact that I have had to fight for every step I take, every place I go, every time I’ve collapsed in absolute agony, the nights vomiting my guts out because there is tissue growing where it shouldn’t be, the amount of times I’ve screamed my throat raw into a pillow because my nerves are on fire and simplify it into a flag or an identity is so fucking disrespectful. If you have the same symptoms as I do and it is unsafe to go to a doctor or the doctor won’t believe you, I’m sorry and I support your right to self dx and I hope you find medication that helps. If you have BIID I hope you can find the therapeutic help you need in order to feel at home in your body. But you don’t have the disability I do, not to say BIID isn’t a disability or it’s a lesser disability, but you do not have what I do and it is infuriating to me to say you have what I have without experiencing a fraction of the pain that I have Final message: I don’t want to say I hate transabled people or I wish harm among them because most of them are younger people. But I want you to think about how demeaning it is to tell someone who’s body is twisted and overgrown and painful to say you want to be like that? To say you’ve been through the same thing? Stop. I know you’re not trying to be, but you’re being ableist. Trans people transition through a social construct by my pain is not social. Please seek psychological treatment for your BIID and stop making those flags

Okay, first, I need to clear this up: I do not have BIID and I am not transabled. I am already physically disabled, I use mobility aids, I am in pain constantly, my ability to eat normally is fucked up, and my quality of life has been severely negatively affected by my physical disability, to the point where it has been a major component of why I have been suicidal. Trust me, I understand. I would be pretty upset if someone came up to me and said they were envious of my disabilities, because it's rude to act that way about someone else's suffering.

My problem is, everything you have said is the exact same reasoning cis women have for seeing trans women as offensive. There are many cis women who have lived lives full of horrific misogyny, who have been deeply traumatized by misogyny, who view womanhood as intrinsic suffering and pain. And they feel that trans women are extremely disrespectful, because how could they possibly know what it's like to suffer through horrific misogyny? How could they act like womanhood is some fun game full of pink and flowers when it has been a major source of trauma in your life? These cis women feel that trans women view womanhood as an aesthetic, they only see the patriarchal construct of femininity and think it looks like fun, and they are extremely offended by the idea that a "male" can just co-opt womanhood and try to act like "he" knows anything about the horrible, traumatic experience of being a woman.

Now, disability and gender are not the same thing, nor do they function the exact same. But its the same arguments, and the same gut reaction to seeing someone seek out something that causes you so much pain, and feeling like they are spitting on your pain by doing that. Its an understandable reaction, but not one that is based in connection with those people.

The more I read about people with BIID/transabled people and their experiences, the more I really feel for them. Their experiences of dysphoria are real, and lead many to the strong desire to hurt themselves in order to relieve it, in lieu of available surgery; many trans people can relate to that desire. Their experiences of euphoria are also real- the few people who have achieved their desired disability seem to, fairly consistently (although the data is Scarce), genuinely feel relief and are able to live happier lives. Here is one study on a man who had his leg removed and was very happy with it, and another one on 21 people who were able to get surgery- for that one, every single person said they didn't regret it at all. They felt happy with their bodies, free from depression, and overall felt their quality of life had improved extremely.

Again, I understand the gut reaction to seeing someone say that they are envious of amputees or that they wish they could be disabled. It's not an evil reaction, it's not a bad reaction. But their desire does not negate anyone's suffering, just like a trans woman's euphoria does not negate a cis woman's trauma. Their pain and their joy are real, and it does not negatively affect me, or you, for them to experience and pursue that joy. They can definitely be ableist, and be disrespectful to disabled people, but that is not an inherent part of BIID/being transabled. And there are people who are already physically disabled who are happy with their lives and are fine with being disabled, especially amputees; why should that be fine, but transabled people are warped fetishizing freaks? And, again, their desires are not hurting disabled people. All of the people in the above studies spent years thinking about their desires and what it would mean (which I think is important to point out, because if you are basing your entire view of a group on teens on Tumblr, you probably aren't going to get the most nuanced, coherent perspective). I think it's rude to suggest that other people, who have never met a transabled person, just inherently know that they are fetishizing and thinking being disabled is a fun game. Shouldn't we listen to them on their experiences? Writing all of them off as not understanding what it's like to be disabled is a generalization, and the same can be said for trans people- how do we damn transabled people in a way that doesn't give fodder for transphobes? I feel like solidarity between both groups can be used to fight for greater bodily autonomy, no matter how strange their desired body seems to the culture they are in.

All in all, I completely understand why you feel the way you do. As I said, I would not want someone to tell me, to my face, that I'm lucky to be disabled. But that's not what having BIID or being transabled means- and I do think there is some value in the radical statement that being disabled is not inherently a lesser existence than being abled, and people can and are able to be happy and love their lives and their bodies as disabled people. I don't think transabled people should claim that they are physically disabled (unless they have transitioned and do have that disability), but their desires are not inherently ableist or awful. Their dysphoria is legitimate and they have a right to seek body euphoria, the same as a trans person, or someone who wants tattoos, or someone who wants to get body modifications to look like a lizard.

[rachaelrobin4]

i can’t believe mohk and day created love. like it didn’t exist before them. that’s crazy.

anyway ep 10 continued to destroy me and i think it’ll be my fav episode for the show. i don’t have many thoughts outside of loving it and being excited for jimmysea.

as for the eye transplant and everything, I’m of two minds about it. there was always gonna be two sides to this, people who wanted the transplant and people who didn’t. i ultimately don’t care cause the themes and motifs are still the same.

there are people who are gonna say ‘this defeats the purpose’ or that it makes the message of the show meaningless.

i don’t agree because the show was always about day being comfortable and accepting himself with or without his sight. like it shouldn’t matter and he can be happy with whatever his circumstances are. it’s not just about him learning to live with a disability, it’s about him overcoming his own insecurities and feeling hopeful about life again. he can do that with or without sight

(and let’s face it, this is television and so drama comes from “miracles” or whatever so ultimately something like this was bound to happen)

regardless I’m interested to see the next 2 episodes and how it all wraps up!!

[winns-stuff]

Yo its like Tori spread some rumors he likely heard from gossip rags and avoided a girl. He did this after his friend/roommate was hospitalized, disfigured, and disabled. He did absolutely nothing for 10 years and when Persephone shows up his is not only polite and but visibly worried and upset. She wasn't even standing up to him. She was kicking a kid she as all the power over when he had his tail between his legs groveling at her feet. Cause he reacted badly to her bf assaulting his budy.

Literally! I’m sorry but after seeing how Hades treats others and seeing that he’s literally giving you free money while other people work you should’ve left. I understand at the start of receiving money she didn’t understand that you shouldn’t be receiving money for (everyone pretend like I said it because I genuinely forgot what her role in employment was called) but after she figured out that Hades would pay her for fucking nothing she should’ve done something about it if she’s so down with the causes. Instead she acknowledged it and kept going on her shopping spree, like Persephone and Hades together has to be one of the most materialistic and greedy couples I’ve ever laid my eyes on, the fact that they know that they’re profiting off of capitalism and benefitting off of the backs and suffering of others but choose not to do shit about it is really telling.

Tori was not wrong by thinking Persephone was all of those things especially after that stuff happened to his roommate, MINTHE WAS STILL IN THE PICTURE at the time and here Hades is giving this random woman special treatment and giving her extra tours and driving her around the place. Anyone would think that Persephone is literally a side chick and I know that if this was Minthe everyone would call her a gold digger. Well newsflash y’all, Persephone is 100% a gold digger as well. There’s been multiple times where she has absolutely took advantage of Hades’ affection towards her to get what she wants, she even compromises her own morals for the sake of gifts she never asks for and there’s multiple times outside of LO that Rachel draws her talking about living life for money. She may not be the classic stereotype of gold digger everyone thinks but she definitely takes advantage of this obvious wealth that Hades keeps giving her.

[tolkpopfan]

I casually mentioned to my parents that I should get some headphones, the noise cancelling kind that are clearly just for noise cancelling and have no other functions, to use at work because that’s absolutely a reasonable accommodation and my mom started telling me about how it wouldn’t look good since my disability is invisible and it would make me less approachable to customers. I know she wasn’t trying to say that I shouldn’t have them or don't need them but that my work might not allow them because of how it would come across.

And it is so fucking frustrating to me that her concern is more over not wanting to cause a fuss over something that 'isn't worth it' than it is about the fact that I have to live a life where even noises mentally exhaust me. She tries to be supportive which is something but she often fails to empathize with my situation or take seriously that I understand my disability better than others do because I have to live with it.

I legitimately just want something that would make my life the tiniest bit easier in a situation that is consistently stressful. I just want to be more functional in a world that makes it hard to function and yet it’s still about the comfort of other people. It is true that using something like that would open me up to harassment from some people, but I wouldn’t use it all the time either. I’m fucking tired of hearing that I shouldn’t get assistance in “the real world” because some people might think that I don’t deserve it.

[crippled-punk-guy]

I want to talk about outbreaks, poverty, and medical oppression.

I’m sure most of you are aware of long covid, the phenomenon that people who were infected with covid are having health problems they didn’t before infection that are now following them through their life. A lot of these situations have been disabling; I myself now have an extra disability tacked onto the list as well as many of my once abled friends joining me. Even my grandpa has developed a disability because of his infection. And this is something our family is not new to.

For the purpose of this story I’m going to call her aunt M. Aunt M was my grandma’s aunt, so technically my great aunt I believe. When she was a little girl she was completely able bodied like most of her immediate family. They had no known health problems that would cause anything like what happened to her. By this time polio was very well known about, vaccines were starting to be rolled out and treatments had started to become available to more people according to my uncle (her older brother). One day aunt M and her siblings go outside and find that their neighbors yard had flooded, so like a group of five kids in a small town with nothing else to do they play in the water. They had no idea that something so small would completely change the course of their little sister’s life. She ended up contracting polio, the only source anyone could think of was the standing water. As far as I’m aware no one else got sick or at the very least as sick as she did. It completely destroyed her lungs and her ability to walk, the muscles in her legs contracted and got stuck in a bent position and could hardly handle any weight. Aunt M spent the rest of her life using an oxygen machine and a power wheelchair once her family was able to save enough for one, and while you will not give her any pity because she never wanted any, I will tell her story to remind everyone of her. She shouldn’t have been disabled. She wouldn’t have lived a life of pain if not for one reason: poverty. You see the rich neighborhood a couple miles away had the resources. Any kids there were properly vaccinated and given treatments like leg braces to help them. Their family didn’t have any of that. No access to medication. No way to help her. She was very lucky that her symptoms didn’t get worse, she could’ve very easily died.

Aunt M passed away during the covid pandemics first year, it was very sudden and unexpected, we were all devastated. But part of me thinks it was slightly a blessing, a blessing that she wouldn’t have to watch her nephew go through the same thing. I was already disabled when this whole thing started, I already used a wheelchair and she knew that, I always felt a closeness to her because of it even though I hardly got to see her. But I got sick, more sick than usual, and ended up developing severe POTS. I have much less energy than I did before and that’s saying a lot, I have trouble pushing my wheelchair now because of my lung capacity and overall weakness. Hopefully soon I will be getting a power chair. And I can’t help but think of Aunt M.

I can’t help but think of all of the people like her, just innocent people who were living and then suddenly now their life is changed forever. I feel like it was easier for me because I had already accepted being disabled, sure more to worry about isn’t ideal but at least I’m no stranger to it. But think about that and think about aunt M. How a little less than a hundred years ago the same fucking thing happened.

Post polio syndrome and post covid syndrome are one in the same in a lot of ways. The effects they cause are surprisingly similar, at least in my family and experience, and it took years for people to admit post polio existed like it will for post covid. This is why it’s called a mass disabling event, people go into it relatively healthy and come out with health problems and disabilities that will never go away. The wealthier people can try out the experimental treatments and possibly be helped or cured, while the rest of us have to live with the proof that our government doesn’t know how to take care of their own people.

While POTS does effect the body differently than how polio effected their lungs and chests we need to comprehend how serious this is. Some people live with POTS and can mitigate their symptoms to the point of it barely effecting them, and some of us need to use wheelchairs because we can’t breathe or think while standing for longer than three minutes. It’s a syndrome with a wide variety of presentations and effects on patients, and it is a nervous system disorder so it may have more lasting effects than we can even think of right now.

Honestly I don’t have a point to summarize into, but just remember how the government handled polio and how it’s handled covid so far, I predict that when those of us who are young adults now are my aunt M’s age we’ll see the same fucking thing happen all over again. And we’ll sit there, with our long covid impacts and know, we haven’t learned a god damn thing.

I’ll end you with reiterating, do not hold any pity for my Aunt M, she was a very strong willed person who wouldn’t accept any amount of other people feeling bad for her, direct your emotions to the government who did this to her and us. Aunt M was healthy, she should’ve stayed healthy. Government inaction decided her fate for her.

[m-is-for-mungo]

Rant: TW dentistry, bad teeth, depression, ideation

I haven’t been to a dentist since I was planning on leaving the hospital cause I was milking my measly 1600 USD dental limit for all it had. That gave me time to bandaid my front teeth.

But since then, I’ve had one back tooth shatter into oblivion and I’m fairly positive it’s dead and gone. Now from it I have a black shadow making it’s way along my gum line and it’s now reached the front of my mouth.

I know it’s my fault, between being depressed and fueling my work with literal quarts of Red Bull. I was drinking over three quarts a day just to function at work before I was able to have access to adderall through my doctor. Now I’m trying to function with just coffee and no meds, but that’s a side problem. I’ve tried to quit smoking and failed, now I have what I assume are asthma attacks daily, but I just throw my hands up and breathe deep and hope I don’t pass out. 🤷🏻‍♀️

All this to say, I don’t know how to cope. I have a thing about my teeth. My parents drilled into me how expensive I was and how they sacrificed for braces and all of that. I didn’t mean to not take care of myself. Part of its shame that I let myself rot and now I’ll be ugly forever; it’s all my fault.

Part of me selfishly hopes it harms me, maybe kills me. I have headaches daily now and I can feel my sinuses are swollen. I still can’t afford to do anything about it. I’m trying to pay off my credit card so that I can max it out on this but I know it won’t be enough. Idk, I think this part of me is just to avoid living with the consequences that I failed being a normal human being. I just wanted to be a normal person, no mental illness, no physical disability, no trauma beating me down into uselessness. I cry every night that another day went by that just washing the dishes is a Herculean task and it shouldn’t be.

I don’t know what the point of this rant is, mostly yelling into the void again. I should probably start a diary so that I can stop bugging real people with what I want to get off my chest.

I should get back on my meds but I missed the deadline for healthcare when I moved so I’m just… existing until open enrollment again.

Sorry for making you read this.

[mercurywritesstuff]

Library of dreams, warm and loving

Summary: Fei Kai moved to South Korea to get a fresh start. The fresh start included a man with curly hair and glasses.

Story warnings: Single mother! Kai x Ex military! Changbin. Strangers to lovers. Enemies to lovers. 3rd person. Disabled! Changbin. Kai flirts with people as always. Kai has a toddler. Suggestive in many chapters. Themes of PTSD.

CW: Time skip, Angst towards the end, suggestive teasing(in like, one line), Kai getting hurt(Signs of a concussion), Changbin being slightly violent(he pushes Kai away from him), graphic depictions of traumatic scarring, self image issues(Changbin), a bit of fear of abandonment/fear of being replaced(Changbin again. Mans going through it)

2.7k word count

Taglist: @mynameisnotlaura, @palindrome969

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Chapter 3: Kai likes a man in uniform, but men in uniform are unkind

The thing about Kai, she was very optimistic about the small things. Maybe it was her environment that made her this way, but she didn’t let small disappointments drag her down. 

It was four years since she moved to Seoul now, and she was very much adjusted to the bumps in the night. She had gotten enough money to get a new apartment, large enough for her and Duri to walk around comfortably, although it was near her first apartment. And by near, I mean right above it and an apartment over, it was that close. She was used to the area around her, and she didn’t want to separate Duri from the seven boys that were basically her uncles.  

She even suddenly had free time, with her daughter starting Kindergarten, and her job doing so well they had to hire another receptionist. So, she took this well-deserved day off with open arms. 

After dropping Duri off at school, Kai took a deep breath and walked through the city. Yes, although she lived here, she rarely explored the city. With this free day, she wanted to savor her thoughts and spend the morning window shopping. 

During her shopping spree, she got a call from Jeongin. It was unlike him to call her on his shift, and especially this early in the afternoon. He shouldn’t be at lunch yet. 

“Hey dude, what’s up?” Kai asked after she stepped away from the line she just stepped into to checkout. “Need something?” 

“So, remember the time I helped you get out of that really bad date? You said you would help me with anything, right?” Jeongin sounded desperate. 

“I am not sleeping with you, Innie,” Kai joked, getting a gag from the other end. “Hey!” She laughed in faux offence. 

“No, I am not asking for that!” Kai could hear the flustered tone he sported. “It’s something different.” 

“Shoot, go for it.” Kai clicked her tongue against her cheek. 

“So, you know my roommate, Changbin, went into the military, like, two years ago?” Jeongin started, papers ruffling in the background and voices being muffled. 

“Mmhm, I vaguely remember you being upset about it.” Kai thought back to that day. Jeongin was so upset, Minho was busy consoling the younger man: Kai knew he was also upset, but he wanted Jeongin to be his priority.

Jeongin made a hum of acknowledgement about that day. 

“Well, he just got discharged from the military.” Jeongin muttered. 

“Oh! That's great! I know you’ve been missing him, when is he coming home?” Kai smiled. 

“That's the thing, he flies in in two hours and you’re the only one in the group that I trust enough to drive. He has no other way to get home otherwise.” Jeongin said. 

“Two hours?? You didn’t think to ask me before today?” Her brows furrowed, biting her lip nervously. 

“I just found out five minutes ago from his superior. Please, Kai, I know it’s your day off, but I could really-” Jeongin starts to ramble, before Kai cuts him off by sighing. 

“Innie, please don’t apologize. It’s fine, I’m fine with bringing him back.” 

“Thank you, Kai-” 

“But.” She cuts him off again, causing the male to hold his breath. 

“But?” Jeongin’s hesitant voice sounded a little later as Kai stared at the tile in thought. 

“You are buying me lunch, foxy.” Kai teased him. Jeongin breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Okay, can do. Pick me up in ten?” 

“Sure, clinic?” 

“Yeah, bye.” 

“See you soon, Qīn,” Kai teased, knowing he would get flustered by the term. Jeongin sputtered on the other end before Kai hung up, causing a little laugh to escape from Kai. She put her items back (it was just a new throw pillow that Han or Hyunjin would like) and walked briskly to the parking lot to get her car.  

It was a cute little red car, only meant to fit five people. But it was big enough for her, even if it was almost older than her. She slung her purse onto the booster seat behind her.  

She was a little late, by five minutes, picking up Jeongin, ready to hear him tease her, but he was quiet. Kai frowned and set her hand on his knee, squeezing softly for his reassurance. He was tense, but allowed the touch, hand resting over hers. 

It wasn’t a surprise to their friends when Kai and Jeongin got close. The two youngest were always on good terms, and he was the older brother she never had. However, what shocked her the most was Duri and Han. It was fascinating when Duri became close with Han, since Kai and him weren’t the best of friends when they first met. She even calls him Imobu, which Kai was surprised by. She knows she’s never taught her daughter that word, but Han was elated. 

The ride to Incheon airport was silent for the hour. Her radio had broken and Jeongin was too nervous to even speak, jittery to see his friend after two whole years of not speaking to him. He wasn’t even able to come home for the holidays, much to the friend group’s dismay. Kai had seen pictures of Changbin before he entered the military, and she found him handsome, albeit a little scrawny, like a boy-next-door type. Her own type was more of the toned, muscular type anyway. 

Finally finding a parking spot after thirty minutes, Jeongin leapt out of the car, pacing back and forth. Kai locked her car, hand clutching the back of Jeongin’s jacket, so he had something to ground himself on (and to prevent him from running off. This man needed a leash). Jeongin gulped loudly, and Kai ran her hands through his hair to calm him down, getting a shy and grateful smile back. 

The airport wasn’t as busy as it usually was, due to it being a random Wednesday in February, and no holidays coming up. Jeongin was confident in where he was going, and soon Kai was the one being tugged along like she was on a leash. 

Kai and Jeongin stood at Gate 13, Kai standing casually while Jeongin was bouncing on the balls of his feet. Surprisingly, the boy kept growing, even when he was climbing towards his mid-twenties. He was closing in on 180 cm, while she still stayed at 160, her envying him for his wonderful height. He had teased her for being short before, but stopped when a furious Duri was throwing a tantrum over people “disrespecting her mother”. He walked away with tiny bruises after her tiny feet kicked him especially hard. 

The gate started emptying out, and the first guy to leave was a man in camo and in a wheelchair, being pushed by a man dressed identically. Kai didn’t think anything of it until Jeongin surged forward, almost leading her to face plant in the middle of the airport gate. Kai led out a yell, gaining a couple curious eyes before she corrected herself. 

Kai followed Jeongin, scolding him for almost making her eat shit, before the words died in her throat. 

The guy in the wheelchair was incredibly buff, I'm talking shoulders broader than her torso, thick biceps tight in his camo uniform, and even thicker thighs. Kai swallowed hard, eyes going up to his face, which wore a hard expression as he glared at nothing-in-particular. Kai looked over him once more, before noticing an obvious loss in his left pant leg and no second army boot.

Oh, Kai thought. Oh no, what happened? 

“Changbin-hyung!” Jeongin cried, gaining the older man’s attention. Changbin let out a small grunt, acknowledging the younger as he squeezed his forearm. Changbin’s eyes drifted to Kai, who straightened up and bowed deeply, hair falling back over her shoulders at the quick move. 

“Hello,” Kai spoke in a formal way, thinking it was appropriate for a first greeting. “I’m Kai, one of Innie’s friends.” She rose from her bow and put on one of her friendliest smiles. 

He gave Kai a tight-lipped smile, it didn’t reach his eyes. Jeongin was busy talking with his commanding officer, the one who wheeled him out, and Kai stood there awkwardly, fiddling with the edge of her graphic tee. 

Jeongin sighed, taking the handles of Changbin’s wheelchair with the army duffel bag slung on his back. It was light, maybe five pounds, and rattled slightly. Kai led the way out the airport, keeping a close eye on the two men as she walked to her car. That was when she realized it. 

“Are you able to get in yourself?” Kai asked Changbin, holding the door open. He grunted, nodding, before standing on his right leg and sliding into the cooled car. Kai took the wheelchair and sat it in the trunk (thankfully it was a hatchback), securing it with a seatbelt. 

The ride was silent, and thankfully Jeongin was less nerve-wrecked than before. The moment Kai entered her apartment parking garage, Jeongin let out an “oh shit” under his breath. 

“Hm?” Kai turned her head to him once she parked in her spot. 

“Hey, can I speak to you for a second?” Jeongin bit his lip. Kai’s brows furrowed, taking a glance at Changbin. 

“D’you think you’ll be okay for second while he talks to me?” Kai asked, getting a half-hearted smile from the man. She smiled back, although it was slightly forced. She exited the car, her nervous senior on her tail. They stood a few feet away, not knowing Changbin could still hear everything they were going to say. 

“Changbin-hyung needs to stay at your apartment.” Jeongin said. Kai choked on her spit, shooting him a warning glare. 

“Innie, I know he’s your friend, but I’m not comfortable letting a stranger that hasn’t said a word to me around my daughter. Why can't he stay with you, or Chan? You guys know him way better than I do!” Kai objected, crossing her arms and cocking her hip to the side. 

“My apartment doesn’t have a wheelchair ramp or elevator and I'm near the top floor of a seven-story building. Chan-Hyung can't fit anything else in that apartment, let alone a grown man with belongings and a wheelchair.” 

Kai sighed, fingers pulsing towards her temple. She bit her lip, before nodding. “Okay, he can live with me. But if he turns out to be a creep or something, I’m blaming you.” Kai shot him a pointed look, to which he nodded frantically, hands clapping together to show his gratitude. “C’mon you weirdo,” Kai snorted, pushing him towards her car.  

It took less time getting the wheelchair out than in, due to Jeongin practically ripping the seatbelt in two. Kai smacked him upside the head, glaring at him as she scolded him. 

Changbin sat silently, eyes distant as Jeongin shook his shoulder, before he came too. He barely gave Kai a glance as he got into his chair, holding himself straight. Kai bit her lip nervously: This was going to be interesting. 

“I’m so sorry about the mess,” Kai said as she entered her apartment. She quickly slid on her slippers, picking up all the tripping hazards along the way. Changbin didn’t say anything as he watched her pick up the almost-spotless-apartment.  

The floors were light bamboo, and the walls were white, Posters of music bands and papers of children’s drawings were taped to the walls, bringing color to the dull apartment. The apartment had a nice chamomile scent, mixed with the stench of crayons and baby powder. There wasn’t much furniture, except a dollhouse in the corner, a bookshelf with a few Mandarin and English texts, and a desk, littered with kindergarten homework and basic math textbooks. 

“I only have two rooms; one is a kid’s room, so you probably don't want to sleep in a pink racecar bed,” Kai chuckled to herself, getting another blank stare from the older man. “You can take my room; I can sleep on the couch since it is comfortable. I’ll make sure everything is clean, make yourself at home.” Kai bowed, before scurrying into the room closest to where they were. 

Changbin rolled his eyes after her nervous form before rolling into the living area. The Tv stand had few nicknacks, a framed photo of Kai and the guys at a child’s birthday party, a banner reading “4” is seen in the background. They all looked so genuinely happy, the spectacle making Changbin’s stomach churn with hate. The space he would've been in was replaced by her, and he hated it. 

About half an hour later, Kai comes out with a smile. “It’s ready, do you want to see?” she asked, cocking her head to the side. Changbin resisted the urge to groan with annoyance, why did everyone treat him like a baby? He nodded, rolling after her as she padded softly to the master bedroom. 

A queen-sized bed sat on the furthest wall, sitting under a large window, sheer blue curtains framing the bed. White linen made up the bed, smelling like fresh linen and lavender, and a little like Vanilla. It made the room less sad. 

The rest of the room was barren, only her bed and a small dresser sat on the other wall. It looked like she had just moved in, despite her living in the “new” apartment for about two years now. “It’s not much, but it’s home.” Kai whispered, turning to the older man. 

“What food do you like? I can make it, if you’d like.” Kai offered, hands coming up and holding her hands in front on her chest, clutched together. 

“’m not hungry,” Changbin grunted out, voice hoarse from not talking and not drinking anything in the past few hours. The first words he spoke to Kai, and she was elated.

“I’m sure you are, I was told you eat like a champ.” Kai smiled, trying to lighten the tense mood. “Now, c’mon, what do you want? I can make bulgogi, or yubuchobap, or-” She got interrupted by him looking up at her with a glare. 

“Don’t you ever shut up? I am not hungry, woman!” He yelled, standing up before he fell due to him being unbalanced. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?! Here, let me-” Kai crouched down, hands reaching out to help him up before he slapped them away roughly. He was positively seething, nostrils flaring as his face turned red. 

“Leave me alone!” He yelled at her, shoving her back away from him. Kai shrieked as she lost balance and fell backwards, head slamming against the doorframe making stars swim around her vision. The room fell silent, all that was heard was heavy breathing, as the two looked at each other. Kai’s eyes were wide with fear as Changbin closed his eyes in frustration. 

Kai stood up, the room dizzy as she exited the room, thick tension filling the apartment. Kai jumped as she heard a door slam, tears welling up in her eyes, her head throbbing with pain. 

Her phone went off, startling her out of her daze. Kai picked up the phone before answering it. The school had called because it was already past pick up time and Duri was getting more antsy. “Shi- shoot, I’ll be there soon. Something came up and I didn’t look at the time. I’m 15 minutes away, tell my daughter that I didn’t forget about her, okay? Thank you!” She hung up quickly, grabbing her purse and rushing out the door. 

Changbin jumped slightly when the front door slammed. He was sitting on the bed, his left leg pulled out of his pants. His leg ended just below his knee; a scar ran from where the skin was sewn shut up to his hip where they put a new titanium hip in. Changbin choked back tears, head slipping into that awful, cloudy space. 

He felt worthless; it was an accident that could have been prevented. But now, he was reminded of his mistake every time he opened his eyes. The scar was an ugly pink thing, splitting into several different directions from the skin grafting. Now he felt uglier than ever, even before he left for the military. 

Because after all, he thought. Who would ever tolerate or love a thing so ugly? 

Self indulgent a little with the fear of being replaced bit :D Blonde changbin my beloved

[disability-confessions]

tw ableism

Sometimes I just... don't feel like a part of the disabled community.

I know I have some kind of physical disability, most likely fibromyalgia. But it's just really hard to get a diagnosis, being a minor AND having not-so-great parents who tell me that all this pain is normal. It's not. I know it's not.

But other people can't feel my pain.

Although I probably should use a mobility aid, I don't have one, due to a general not being able to get it (see above). Because it is generally assumed that people with disabilities have mobility aids with them at all times, no one knows I am disabled. It is hard to tell people I am disabled too, because I have no doctor's stuff or anything! I know I am though, I know it.

Someone has to believe me.

No one does. At least not where I live.

They think I'm stupid. They see me enter the room, and they still say nasty shit about me. Usually about my unathleticism; although I do exercise, I am fat and disabled, so exercise is hard.

No one I know IRL is part of the disabled community. The only people who I know would believe me are on Tumblr.

I'm scared and angry.

I just want someone to accept me.

Hello anon,

Apologies for taking so long to respond but I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I wish I could provide some sort of help but all I can provide is comforting words. You shouldn’t have to go through this denial of basic healthcare. I also struggle with getting a diagnosis and being told by my parents that it’s “normal”, I can assure you it’s not “normal”. You should not be consistently in pain in any part of your body. The only “excuse” is that sometimes for AFAB people it is normal for them to have period pains but that’s all, and in some causes that’s not even normal.

I am sorry you don’t feel apart of the disabled community, I can assure you that you absolutely are, no matter what your disability is. Even if it’s as simple as a speech disorder then you are apart of the disabled community. If anyone says otherwise then they are outright wrong. Even if you don’t have mobility aids it doesn’t make you disabled either, I personally don’t have mobility aids (I usually don’t need to use them thankfully), but I am still disabled. There are plenty of disabled people who don’t have mobility aids and no matter what if you don’t have mobility aids it doesn’t make you less valid. I hope you are able to get some help soon, whether it be just some mobility aids and not a diagnosis, anything helps.

I am sorry you are being told you are “stupid”, you aren’t, I am sorry you are being told nasty things, you shouldn’t be. I am sorry you are scared, I wish I could do more to help. Just know that I do accept you, even if I’m just one random stranger on the internet I do accept you and I believe you.

-Admin T

[vizthedatum]

My worth is intrinsic and present, just like everyone else’s.

My boundaries, expectations, and the way I am are valid.

My journey as a person is filled with creation, growing/healing, taking accountability for my harmful behaviors, and protecting my peace. I deserve joy and safety.

I have a loving community, and I am grateful.

Despite my disabilities and abilities, despite my way of being, I do not need to make myself fit or conform to appease someone else.

All of my physical, mental, and spiritual conditions and challenges have had an impact on my behavior and to the people in my life. It would be foolish to say I haven’t caused harm. I have had multiple maladaptive coping mechanisms and behaviors due to my neurotype and trauma - and due to living under capitalism. My behaviors and diagnosed conditions are intrinsically tied together.

There are things that I do and say that are triggering to people - I will try from now on to remove myself from those situations if my own behavioral change is not possible.

I aim and vow not to gaslight people if they say that they are hurt by a behavior that is either intrinsically tied to my conditions or is something I did intentionally. My expectation is that people treat me the same way.

Just because I’m the villain in someone’s story doesn’t mean that I am not worthy of existing (same for the villains in my story).

My behaviors do have an impact on people, especially on the internet where I do not have personal relationships with strangers.

People’s behaviors have an impact on me. I forgive them and also can put up boundaries with (or ignore) them to reduce the impact of their behaviors on me (they can do the same!).

I will not tolerate harassment, and I shouldn’t have to. I do face harassment inevitably as a part of existing, but I can choose how I want to navigate it.

I forgive people from my past, even if the hurt is still there and they are no longer welcome in my life.

And I forgive myself.