#thanos loves arni's

[thanos-the-dad-titan]

For my Bday the missus and daughter took me to Lafayette IN. For our favorite pizza in Indiana. Arni's! It's so good!!!

[the-mcu-files]

IronDad End of Year Rec List 2023

Continuing from last year, here are 23 IronDad fics I read in 2023!

And I will still be here, Stargazing by Penny4yourThoughts

When Peter visits the tower after school, Yhe tells Tony about the meteor shower happening that night and asks if they can watch it together. Tony accepts, and they spend the night watching the stars as they fly by

I Got You by ElisabettaRomano

Peter wakes up feeling ill, but he knows Mr Stark has always got him, no matter what.

Or

A lot of fluff and cuddles!

Rainy Day Hideaway by TheDisneyOutsider

Peter and Tony spend a rainy day doing something Peter loves, and Tony has never done it before. Just a whole lot of fluff and cuteness!

If I Could Turn Back Time by Dimity Blue (Arnie)

Seven months after Titan. Seven months after half the universe was snapped away by Thanos. Bruce Baner turns back time

Take my heart clean apart (if it helps yours beat) by LilacSoulw

Tony Stark is clingy with his family, but what happens when he has to go on a business trip for a week, Away from the person he loves most. Fluff ensues

Stories Behind the Pictures by QueenofInsanity

Peter Parker is Tony Stark's son. But how did they get there? This is the progression from Mr Stark to Tony to Dad, with the rest of the family involved, of course.

You make me happy (when skies are grey) by Wise_writer_girl

Tony Stark had been Peter Parker's mentor for almost a year now. It's almost embarrassing how quickly that boy had made his way into Tony's heart. But the real test is meeting Pepper when she makes some... well, not very far-fetched assumptions. Then, if they survive that, Father's Day is around the corner, and Tony can't handle that. Thanks, Howard. But what has Peter been plotting? Will it be enough to get his fath-*ahem*, his mentor out of the memories of his past?

the one where it’s mother’s Day by punyparker

it’s mother’s Day, and peter’s having a crisis

You're the best, Dad! by protectbucky

What do you mean what’s wrong? I called you ‘dad’ yesterday and Clint made a T-shirt about it, and you’re asking me what’s wrong?’ The billionaire’s face was so soft Peter felt like he could explode. He wanted to bang his head against the table again. He couldn’t comprehend that Mr. Stark was really not getting it. ‘So is it the ‘dad’ part or the T-shirt part?’

‘Mr. Stark, what the fuck?’

Of needles and blood (and ice cream fluff) by @marvelousbutterfly

Pete, let's just do it. It won't take long, then I'll take you out for ice cream if you promise not to sue anyone, "Tony tried. The boy seemed to consider the proposition, but the sight of the needle being prepped by the nurse made him wince. "I don't like needles," he whined in a small voice, flapping his hands.

a small golden light by canon irondad (tomlinsoul)

Tony finds Peter crying on the sofa in the middle of the night. Comfort ensues.

You are my Everything by Safari43271

He rubbed the back of his neck as he slowly walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. “Pete? Are you ok? What’s going on? Why are you crying?” he asked. Peter wouldn’t look at him but kept petting the cat, wiped more tears, and then sniffled. “I’ll be completely honest with you. You’re kind of freaking me out here, kid. If, um, if you don’t want to go ahead with the adoption then…” and he couldn’t finish that sentence because God, what if he changed his mind?

Superhero Pajamas by the Spider-Man alt (counterclaw)

There’s nothing to explain,” Tony grinned as he set his tablet down on the coffee table. “Oh, man. If Iron Man himself were here to see those…”

“That’s the worst part,” Peter grumbled, though there was no hard edge to his voice. “He is.”

World's Best Tony by radioactivewriterbite

After his wisdom tooth removal surgery, Peter Parker's pain medication causes an unexpected emotional reaction. Luckily for him, Tony Stark is well-versed in comforting his children. Though, the father isn't expecting how much the moment ends up meaning to both of them.

No Take Backs by JAWorley

Peter, Tony, and the Avengers fight a strange alien wizard with disastrous (and cute) consequences for Peter. Now Tony has to deal with a five year-old Spider Man and the Rogues, who don’t think he’s capable of taking care of his favourite intern. Set a few weeks after the events of Spider Man’s Pizza Delivery Service.

Emergency Phone Call by MidnightFanfics

When May Parker finds out that Peter is Spider-Man, she kicks him out. Peter ends up on the streets until Tony finds out and brings him in, taking care of him at his worst. Even though May doesn't talk to him anymore, Peter still loves her. This is his terrible story of how he coped and eventually let go.

A Force To Be Reckoned With by @ashleyparker2815

During a late night Hydra raid, Tony comes across a door with a spider emblem on it and inside is a fearful child. He takes the boy back to the tower with him, in hopes of helping the boy, but little does Tony know that he’s falling right into Hydra’s plan to help Peter complete his first mission; killing Tony Stark. Peter must now gain Tony’s trust and make the man care for him to gather information before he kills him and goes back to Hydra.

don't you ever tame your demons (but always keep 'em on a leash) by ironfidus

“In my worst nightmares, May,” Tony says, unblinking as he finally corrals the strength to look May Parker in the eye, “I am always the last man standing.” May stares right back at him—unyielding—and does not once recoil away from the darkness in his eyes or the tragedy in his voice. “Let me get this straight,” she repeats, a broken record. “Steve wants to think you aren’t a hero. And you want to believe him.” “Our kid called you dad,” she continues, letting the words ‘our’ and ‘kid’ drop so thoughtlessly, like they cost her nothing at all to say, “and it gave you nightmares.” Tony winces. “Well, when you put it that way���”

What Means the Most by MsWinifredQuale

The thing Peter appreciates the most about having Tony in his life is not the multimillion-dollar suit or the weekly lab days. It’s the little things that Tony does to prove that he cares about Peter, that Tony doesn’t even seem to realise are a big deal. But Peter does. And he loves him for it. Or, five times Tony does a little thing that means the world to Peter, and one time Peter does a little thing that means the world to Tony.

Hush (For It Is Dark) by @losingmymindtonight

Tony Stark woke up, like clockwork, every morning at 2:00 am. -- (Or: Tony Stark, lullaby extraordinaire.)

5 times Tony makes Peter laugh (+1 times he makes him cry) by abbie_brianna

5 times when Tony loved the sound of Peter's laughter and 1 time he hated the sound of Peter's cries.

Morgan’s super secretive investigation by Cn983y

Morgan sees all the signals. They are all there: her brother and daddy are in a cult, the question now is, what is she going to do about it? She always knew that when they were together they did dumb things, but that's really, really, dumb, and she is the one that needs to keep hers and mommy's boys safe, good thing she is so smart.

Dad Duty by JAWorley

It starts off as a joke about having to pick his kid up from school. It's not long before everyone from the interns to the Avengers and even aunt May start to take it seriously. It's plain for everyone to see that Peter is Tony's son.

Don't forget to leave a comment, and kudos (it really helps). I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and, of course, Happy New Year!

[mischiefapprentice]

2: Birth of the Goblin’s Bride

March 1, 2004

Christine Wayland

It has been seven months since I have been saved by a mysterious man from death. The prospect of me dying along with my unborn child gives me chills; it will be my eternal regret. I have prayed to the Divinity for such gift, and it has been granted. What strikes me the most is that he have predicted that my baby will be a girl. How would he know it? How can he foresee what my baby's gender would be? Is he a wizard? A goblin? An astrologer?

No matter. I am forever grateful to him. How should I repay him for saving me and my child from sudden death? He deserves to be thanked. My husband and I are forever indebted to him. Where can we find him? How can we express our gratitude to him?

"Love, is she still bothering you?" My husband chuckles as he wraps his arms around us. Michael is really a sweet man; he never ceased to make me laugh. "No, she's sleeping inside. Don't bother her, you might make her angry." I joked. Suddenly, I feel my water breaking. Oh no. "Love, are you okay?" Michael suddenly comes to my rescue. He sees water streaming down my legs. She's going out! "MICHAEL! MY WATER BROKE!"

He prepares everything we need to bring to the hospital as he calms men. He calls his brother to drive us to the hospital.

"One last push!"

It has been 5 straight hours since the start of my delivery. My husband was always at my side, soothing me as I kept pushing. She's arriving, I thought to myself. She'll be the most loved baby in the world!

"I can see the head now!" The doctor tells us. I kept pushing, motivated with thoughts of seeing my child grow with love and happiness. Michael held my hand, whispering sweet nothings to me. "She's nearing, love. You can do this!"

After giving few more pushes, hearing my baby's cries made me cry with joy. Michael beams at me, smiling his widest I have seen.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Wayland! You have a beautiful and healthy bouncing baby girl!" Our OB-Gyne says to us.

The midwife brings our beautiful daughter to us, swaddled in pink cloth. Her brown eyes are staring back at me, as if she were memorizing my face. Michael smiles at us, and kisses my forehead as he caressed our daughter. "She's got your beauty, love." He remarked. I chuckle as I share the smile he has. "She got your eyes, love." I tell him.

Silence envelopes us as we stare at the window. We see the moon shining its brightest, with weak streams of pink light surrounding it. A pink moon meant prosperity for the spring seasons to come; harvests increase tenfold, many farmers prosper as their crops and grains are on demand. How coincidental; our girl was born during its peak. She's a blessing, indeed.

"What would our daughter's name be?" He asks me. I haven't thought of it yet, though we made a list of all possible names for her. A small memory flashed through my mind.

"Hey Chrissy! How're you today?" My friend Abigail smiles at me as I come closer to our special area.

Abigail Lauren is one of my closest friends back in college. We are one of the top students in the class, and we were known around the school. She is also the girl who set me up with Michael.

"Here, just doing fine. Gosh, I can't believe we are about to graduate in two weeks!" I sigh in exhaustion. Just in time, Michael comes with four water bottles, and he has brought a friend with him. Michael and I are in a relationship already. Don't worry, nothing happened between us yet. Our promises are not to do frisky things while we are still studying.

"Hey, Chis, how are you?" Michael wiggles his eyes at me, much to my annoyance. Well, I love him so much but his face really annoys me. And the nickname? What am I? A cheese? Bah! But don't worry, I have a rebuttal to make. "I'm great, Microphone." I roll my eyes at my boo. I laugh as he pouts at my nickname for him.

Since then, Abigail really is one of our greatest friends. There was this one event that really changed our lives: my first near-death experience. I was looking for a donor for my heart when she donated hers for me to live.

I remember Michael telling me his final words when my doctor found me a donor. They never mentioned who did, until I heard the news Abby died. She sacrificed her life for my sake, and we are forever indebted to her.

"Abigail." "What?" "I'm naming her Abigail, after our friend." I tell my husband. He smiled and nodded in agreement. Our bestie deserves to be recognised, and naming our daughter after her would be dedication.

"She'll be like her. She'll learn the values of love, friendship, and sacrifice. She'll be the smartest woman in the world." He tells me, tears streaming down his eyes.

"From now on, we name you... Abigail." I whisper.

       Loki

Seven months have passed, but still my mind lingers on her and the child she bears. Has she given birth? Is the child doing fine? I know it is a grave mistake to meddle with the cycle of life, but I cannot bear to see a woman cry because of her loss. I also knew the feeling of loosing someone you love.

"Uncle Loki, you seem to be in deep thought." I turn to see Arnie Jason by my door. He clearly hasn't slept yet. "Arnie? Why are you still up? Isn't it past your bedtime already?" I ask as he settles by my side. He lets out a small yawn. "I cannot sleep, Uncle. Can you tell me your story again?"

I smile at his adorableness. Arnie likes the story of how I met the Avengers, though it is quite not a good one. I must admit, I missed them. If I didn't fall into Thanos's hands, maybe I am working with them now. Maybe I didn't stumble onto this quest.

       "Sir, what are you thinking about?" I turn to see William with two cups of Earl Grey tea. He knows when I am stressed with different things. "Oh, it's nothing. Thank you for the tea."

Even I already have my tea with me, I still cannot get my mind off her. Something really tells me that the child she carries is my bride! But, how can I know if she really is the one? What signs do I have to look for? "Are you thinking about your bride?" William asks me. I chuckle and nod. He really knows when I think about her.

"You see, Will, I cannot help but think about the pink moon last night. It was stated that she will be born during its peak. Tell me: would I meet her soon?" I ask him as he lays his cup on the table.

"That, sir, is one question I cannot answer. Let destiny meet you; let her cross your way. She's nearby, I assure you."

       Anonymous

"What do you mean the bride is born already?"

The woman clad in her red robes stared at the window. She was aware of the Goblin and his Bride, and the chance when they meet. However, she wants it not to happen; she'd want to see him suffer than be in peace.

"Today's the peak of the pink moon on Earth, sire. It was stated in the prophecy that she will be born during its peak." Her enchanter tells her as he casts multiple events that showed the Goblin's bride being alive.

She sighs.

"Find a way to make her disappear from earth. Assassinate the bride and her family."

[eremji]

Thoughts on Infinity War, and Thanos' Motivation

Disclaimer: I'm not a Marvel expert. Some of my information on comic plots was collected from wikis and secondary articles, due to a lack of access to a primary source or the simple inaccuracy of my own memory. I also mostly enjoyed Infinity War, and any criticism herein should not be taken as decrying the whole.

Spoilers behind the cut. Please close your eyes and scroll super fast, block tags, duck and cover, etc. if you’re on mobile, because, seriously, spoilers.

An extremely simplified version of movie production:

From a production standpoint, Iron Man was a huge risk for the studios fronting the money for it. After critical and box office flops from 90s Batman films and other various superhero action flicks, studios typically found comic book movies to underperform in comparison to budgetary requirements for good visuals, making them unattractive. Marvel has taken a large step away from making comic book movies, to making comic book adaptations, because what works on the page doesn’t work in a moving picture.

Marvel Studios’ cinematic success has almost nothing to do with how compelling the source material is – because some of Marvel’s library is pretty much slush pile garbage. This was before your average artist or consumer realized you can get pretty literary while still having cool pictures on a page. They’re valuable because they propelled the comic industry to widespread success, but the source is best examined with a critical eye towards tone deaf and anachronistic viewpoints on race, sexuality, gender, and pretty much everything else. Marvel Studios has done a fairly consistent job of divorcing the cinematic canon from the original medium’s baggage, to which I attribute a large portion of the films’ success in comparison to very lukewarm iterations of DC or X-Men.

As media consumers, we’re accustomed to having a finished product to hold and analyze. When considering story, in terms of plotting and pacing, I personally believe it’s most helpful to compare the scope of the MCU production to be similar to that of a television show, rather than a traditional movie or movie series. It may be startling to know that even very successful television shows, like Breaking Bad or Stranger Things, often don’t even have all the episodes completely written out prior to beginning filming of a season.

Marvel Studios’ movies have been in production for ten years, with many, many different hands in the pot, and earlier scripts don’t always set up the best planting and payoff of character or plot elements later in the continuity. (For visual learners, Lindsay Ellis has a very layman-friendly example using clips from Mad Max: Fury Road.)

You can see where this might start to cause some consistency issues.

Crossover event comics and the necessary sacrifice of emotional development:

For anyone walking in to expecting Avengers: Infinity War to have a lot of character development, I’m very sorry for your loss.

There was never going to be a grand emotional reunion for Steve and Bucky, and there was never going to be whole hours dedicated to bonding and witty bickering and new friendships that weren’t absolutely vital to the plot. That we got things like the Steve-and-Bucky hug, the jealous Star-Lord vs. Thor moments, and Steve introducing himself politely to Groot were for the benefit of the audience more than advancing the plot, which is a huge victory in terms of crushing as much as possible into a theatrical cut.

A film production has a finite amount of screen time to allocate before a movie becomes bloated. When people joke about Infinity War being the most ambitious crossover event, I don’t think some of them realize how on the mark that is from a production standpoint. Hard decisions have to be made between what isn’t vital to advancing plot in a compelling way and what was retained to meet audience expectations. Infinity War often felt like it tried to recapture that Joss Whedon-ish sassy-but-kinda-flat comedy from the first Avengers, and that meant punchlines for jokes sometimes land at emotionally inappropriate times because characters just don’t have cinematic space for witty banter between shooting aliens and losing everyone they ever cared about.

There’s a difference in author-audience expectations of what’s important in these team-up movies, and also gaps between fans actively participating in fandom because they love the characters and casual moviegoers looking for a blockbuster. It all comes down to how much each party in the creative transaction is willing to settle for. Traditionally, Marvel has set up the character-driven plots and subplots in individual comics with occasional crossover cameos for a few issues when another character or baddie is relevant to the plot. The large crossover events, like Civil War, Contest of Champions, or Infinity are almost always plot-heavy and character-light.

This is so much easier in comic book format, where multiple series can be coordinated in regular, paced releases, and different comic issues may happen parallel or directly before/after the event crossovers. Movies take a significantly larger amount of time to produce, through pre-production, filming, post-production, marketing, and distribution.

A brief (I’m serious, they’ve been making comics since the 1939) explication of source material:

One of the largest disconnects for me, as a fan of both the comics and the movies, was the change in Thanos’ motivation, but not his mission. For those who aren't aware of the origins of his character, he essentially wants to murder people to impress a girl – Mistress Death, to be specific. He wants to kill half of all life in the universe so that he can be her equal and win her affection. 

Dorkly did a pretty solid breakdown of some of Thanos’ Infinity Gauntlet story and the innate misogynistic slant of his character, including comic panels from the original source material, that paints comic!Thanos an internet Nice Guy™. (Feel free to skim the article; it's a bit slow to get to the point.) Perusing the comic panels, you can see Thanos is hella into negging and is spiteful when Mistress Death shows interest in another dude (spoilers: it’s Deadpool). He clearly believes love is possession, and if he can’t have what he wants, then, good golly, no one can.

He’s also really off the rails – dubbed the Mad Titan even before his objectification mega crush on a badass corpse with a wicked bod – and is personally responsible for destroying Titan. He’s not a villain that believes he’s the hero, and this shift away from his motivation being dangerous-and-horrible to dangerous-and-misguided casts the first shadow on the premise.

My (very personal) opinion on the execution:

MCU essentially played keep away with some of the more supernatural elements of the source material, at least until introducing Dr. Strange. In doing so they had to construct Thanos’ motivation for a comic-book-inspired task out of whole cloth. There is no Mistress Death. Secondary characters that were discrete entities are often pulling double duty*.

(*Or triple. See also: Bucky Barnes, who is wearing the backstory of Captain America's gay best friend Arnie Roth and now White Wolf. If you were previously unaware of this factoid, please enjoy the irony that Marvel’s biggest pro-American propaganda piece had an openly gay best friend circa early 80s but Civil War ham-fistedly had to work in that awkward-as-fuck smooch between Steve and Peggy Carter’s hot young romantic surrogate niece.)

So, okay, they have to reinvent Thanos, who we've only seen in a handful of post-credit scenes and vicariously learned, through Loki in the first Avengers movie and then Gamora in Guardians, is a conqueror and also really Bad News™.

I buy everything so far. And why not? Black Panther made me love Killmonger and his rage, and the parallels to contemporary issues made him fairly empathetic without highlighting that his perspective was necessarily the ‘correct’ one. Similarly, Spider-Man: Homecoming’s villain, Vulture, was believable in the sort of suffering everyman-turned-desperate way, highlighting the fallout of the Space Invaders vs. Avengers destruction without suggesting the audience should root for Vulture.

In general, I am on board for these movies going straight for the throat on the big baddies of the comic universe because movie production is lengthy, expensive, and time-consuming. Dear Marvel Studios, Give me Avengers vs. Dr. Doom. Love, Me.

A villain can be built up over the course of a single movie (or two). Armed with this optimism, and heartened by recent Marvel Studios successes in characterization, I walked into Infinity War expecting as much gratuitous violence, universe-cleansing genocide, and genuine fear of Thanos as I could possibly expect from something Disney-adjacent.

I knew people were going to die. Let me say – there was no way to spoil this for me. The Infinity Gauntlet comic series starts with half the universe dying. I expected there to be ‘casualties’ and even though the Russo bros said that this wasn’t two parts of the same movie, it’s certainly serial. At minimum, I was expecting Thanos bent on conquering the cosmos, worshiping at the altar of death in the abstract, if not groveling for an inevitable-cosmic-force-turned unattainable woman.

And yet. And yet.

We got the purple version of the Kool-Aid man with some seriously unaddressed parent-child issues (mirrored in Tony Stark’s loss of Peter Parker) and a wholly unimaginative motivation. I won’t go too far much into the movie’s alarming efforts at framing Thanos as a sympathetic character despite his genocidal and horribly abusive tendencies, because I am A) not an expert at identifying film technique and B) the push for Thanos to be an empathetic villain has been analyzed elsewhere.

Phenomenal, limitless cosmic power and all you want to do is break shit? For all the immaturity of it, Thanos’ comic book motivation was more believable.

To those arguing that the his motivations in the movie are predicated off of him being the Mad Titan and therefore not rooted in logic: The film did not explicitly plant the idea – except in the way that we know genocide is bad due to an innate sense of morality – that he was unhinged and power-mad, nor did they really give the audience any payoff.

Instead, we get, ‘I don’t really want to do this, but I must.’

There was a point where I started wondering why the hell he wasn’t just being steadily roasted by the Avengers for not receiving some sort of basic education in the evils of wealth disparity and resource distribution.

As an audience member, was I meant to believe this incredibly powerful entity at the center of a massive fleet, accompanied by a group of talented and sycophantic followers, couldn’t think of a better way to bring ‘balance’ to the universe?

Perhaps Thanos’ justification is simply the conceit of the way the universe operates, required to propel a plot forward. However, this is also poorly explained. There are many unanswered questions: Why is it a given that killing half the universe will create balance? What does balance look like? Is this state permanent or is it a routine, necessary evil in order to stop entropy? Is balance a socioeconomic state, or does it have some greater cosmological significance? We know that Titan fell after rejecting Thanos’ extreme solution, but would the population have actually endured and flourished if his plan had been carried out?

For a movie that did so well at handling a cast so phenomenally large as the one involved in its production, Infinity War really didn’t go in very hard on selling Thanos. I would have been perfectly happy if Marvel Studios had taken the risk to lean in hard on making the movie Thanos-centric, given Thanos even more screen time to develop his character, motives, and the rules of the universe – and then make Avengers 4 about, you know, the actual avenging.

Parting notes:

What are we left with?

Infinity War gifted us with some badass action clips, a fairly jarring death performance by Tom Holland, Cheerful Goatherd Bucky Barnes, and emotionally traumatizing bubbles. It never really sells the conundrum it sets up via Thanos. You'll never hear me insist a peice of art or entertainment is required to carry some sort of social commentary or moral message, but I feel like this could have been, tonally, a vastly different film had it considered the core of Thanos' motivations the same way it considered Vulture's or Killmonger's.

Also, where the hell is Adam Warlock (set up at the end of GotG: Vol. 2; revisit planting and payoff) to shit talk Thanos’ lack of villainous veracity when we need him?

[aion-rsa]

The Internet Wonders if Jack Black Could Replace Marvel Star Chris Pratt in Everything

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

It’s been, ohh, maybe a week tops since Twitter last spent a solid amount of time dunking on Chris Pratt, but in the latest round of “wailing on Chris Pratt for [insert valid and not-so-valid reasons]” the platform’s users have posited that Pratt could easily be replaced by School of Rock star Jack Black in any role he’s inhabited to date. Why? Well, why not? It’s Twitter.

The wealthy Pratt, who married Arnie’s daughter Katherine Schwarzenegger in 2019, has starred in a string of major blockbusters, including Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers: Endgame, Jurassic World and The Lego Movie, and has also been a perceived thorn in the internet’s backside for a while. Things really stepped up a gear last February, though, when Umbrella Academy actor Elliot Page referred to the Christian church Pratt attends as “infamously anti-LGBTQ”, a claim that Pratt refuted, saying “nothing could be further from the truth.”

The religious actor has also been accused of being a right-wing Trump supporter. For his part, Pratt has neither confirmed or denied it, and he was listed as having donated money to Barack Obama’s 2012 re-election campaign, but by 2017 he appeared to have become somewhat apolitical, telling People of his frustrations that “You’re either the red state or the blue state, the left or the right. Not everything is politics. And maybe that’s something I’d want to help bridge, because I don’t feel represented by either side.”

He added “I don’t feel we have to be at war with each other like we are, and it’s just getting worse.”

Back in October, when the “Worst Chris” discourse was once again running rampant online, Vulture put out an opinion piece on just how tired they thought the whole thing had become, with contributor Rebecca Alter writing “It’s great that Chris Evans is an outspoken Democrat, but the job of all of these guys is to be a himbo onscreen and a millionaire off, and it’s weird to want more from them instead of amplifying the voices of actual activists who do politics as their job.”

If Pratt or anyone sick of the Chriscourse had investigated the reasons he was trending on Twitter this week, they certainly wouldn’t have found much of it to be an incoming Band-Aid to either America’s political divide or Pratt’s ongoing social media woes, though honestly it’s kinda great to see how much love people have for Jack Black.

It all started here…

Jack Black could replace Chris Pratt in anything that clown has ever been in.

— Kayla Ancrum (@KaylaAncrum) December 2, 2020

And with that, the discourse was underway.

Not only could jack Black replace Chris Pratt, he'd have been a great Wolverine don't @ me pic.twitter.com/6fTfYeftz0

— ☭2016 Never Ended☭ (@cranstonl1972) December 3, 2020

Amount of King Kong movies Chris Pratt has been in: 0 Amount of King Kong movies Jack Black has been in: 1 I rest my case

— Will-ver Bells 🎅🎄 (SpaceTree Studios) (@SpaceTree88) December 3, 2020

I am fully convinced that Jack Black was originally supposed to play Barley Lightfoot in Onward, before they got Chris Pratt https://t.co/D3c72aikX2 pic.twitter.com/LM7me8ZXi4

— ✪ daniel barnes ✪ (@Danny8bit) December 3, 2020

Jack Black could do Guardians of the Galaxy but Chris Pratt could never do school of rock

— Jayde🦦 (@jayde_ram) December 3, 2020

Since the holiday season is upon us I’d like to add that Jack Black is just as attractive as Jude Law in The Holiday and anyone who disagrees is wrong. https://t.co/OuwYOAPZVz

— Nerd Girl Says (@Rachael_Conrad) December 3, 2020

Imagine if Jack Black actually did take Chris Pratt's place in beating up Thanos. pic.twitter.com/ohqm0P2aVm

— MisAnthro Pony (@MisAnthroPony) December 3, 2020

STOP trending chris pratt I don't want to see tweets from his marvel co-stars defending his mediocre ass again pic.twitter.com/w6uSWUctpZ

— mr big titty honkers himself (@kendallroykin) December 3, 2020

Since Chris Pratt is trending I’d like to insert this clip of James Mcavoy hitting Chris Pratt with a keyboard 😜 pic.twitter.com/nsIr67ZMdG

— . (@mcavwhore) December 3, 2020

The new barrage of Chris Pratt hate/Jack Black love was inevitably met with a mix of bemusement and scorn by people who are just plain sick of it all.

Why does everyone just randomly hate on Chris Pratt every other week lol.

— HaTrickFilms smliFkcirTaH (@HaTrickFilms) December 3, 2020

Im all for the Jack Black love but not for the Chris Pratt hate.

— King David (@KingDavidLive_) December 3, 2020

>notices Chris Pratt is trending >sees everyone is still pissy with him and saying that he can be replaced with Jack Black in every role hes ever done. Me: "BAH HAHAHAHAHA No lol" But seriously stop, its embarrassing. pic.twitter.com/UtNZQqY9fW

— SlumberTrap (@SlumberTrap) December 3, 2020

Even the friggin UberFacts Twitter account felt moved to post some Pratt love.

Chris Pratt stole the jacket and other parts of his Star-Lord costume from "Guardians of the Galaxy," so that he could visit sick children in hospitals in character.

— UberFacts (@UberFacts) December 3, 2020

While others felt like those who were anti-Pratt were going the wrong way in their mission to eventually cancel him.

Can I just say that Chris Pratt does not deserve to be cancelled at all? Sure, the church he attends is homophobic, but that doesn't make him a bad person. He's a really chill, kind dude who just needs to be educated on why his church's beliefs are harmful.

— MP | Amethyst & Christmas Propaganda (@AmethystStanMP) December 3, 2020

Regardless, most of the less-fun Chriscourse is nothing new.

When things get boring on the timeline, there’s a big red button in the Twitter Algorithm Headquarters that says “CHRIS PRATT DISCOURSE” https://t.co/NdJyB9ROjq

— Houston Coley (@Blockbustedpod) December 3, 2020

Indeed there is. And it’ll likely not be a button that Twitter will stop pressing anytime soon.

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The post The Internet Wonders if Jack Black Could Replace Marvel Star Chris Pratt in Everything appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3g7m34H

[mischiefapprentice]

1: Don’t Mess With Life and Death (Mischief’s Bride)

August 2003

Loki

"Please! Someone help me!"

That is all I can hear as I stroll along Hyde Park. The cold breeze of winter calms me down as it hits my pale skin, and I am more than thankful that it does not conjure my Jotünn form, as it can destroy a place whenever my rage comes. Even though my time in the original timeline is over, my strengths and powers never left me. They will be always a part of me until my last breath.

It has been more than 900 years since I have been 'ressurected' from death. The thought of seeing my companions die pained me as centuries passed, and I am tired living for eternity. If it weren't for that force that pulled my soul back to my dead body, I am with my mother Frigga already. I am sure that she may be dead by now. How I missed her so much.

"Please, anyone help me!"

Her loud wails can be heard from half a mile away from the park. I cannot help but go to her and see what happened to her. Is she the bride I am looking for? I hope so. She must be the one.

When I arrived to where the woman was, I see crimson blood staining the pure whiteness of snow. Did a murder scene happen? I must be too late already. I decide to follow the bloodstream to locate her, and found a beautiful woman surrounded with blood. She was terribly injured. It's like someone hit her violently that she bleed lots of blood. Who on earth could do this to this mortal?

"P-please help me... I'm carrying an unborn baby with me, and I cannot bear the thought of losing her." The woman mutters.

I sigh. She's carrying a child, and someone had the guts to physically abuse her. I sense her time of death getting closer and closer. It crawls like how a robber walks towards the house it chose to plunder. One's death may not be predicted by man, but us goblins could sense it.

It's against nature to meddle with life and death of a mortal. It is a change of cycle that you cannot just alter, for it requires a great price to pay. You cannot change what may happen to you, for it can also affect others. One is a part of a butterfly change; action affects action; one slight change affects your whole life.

"S-sir, p-please help m-me... I'm dying." She tells me. I could feel her baby's heartbeat, as if it tells me that I must save them both. I also could feel that her baby is my bride to be. I should help them both after all, shouldn't I?

I'm in this dilemma of choosing whether to heal her or let death kill them both. I cannot mess up with life and death. However, rules are also meant to be broken, right? I can defy whatever rule it is, if it means for them to live. I will go against nature.

"Miss, I may not be the divinity you seek, but I offer you extended time to live and see your daughter grow." I weakly smile at the woman. Shimmers of blue and green light appear on my hand as I performed a spell that will elongate both of their lives. As it comes to an end, I could really sense that she bears my bride. I could tell that she is as beautiful, kind and wise as this woman. How I wish I can make time go fast that I can meet her already.

I see her smile weakly as I cast the spell on her. I could hear her ask how I knew it is a girl. I really could feel that it is a she, not a he. At a blink of an eye, I disappeared to another place.

I know she'll live a long life, and she'll bring joy to my bride's world. In her care, I am confident that she will grow into a fine-looking and well-mannered lady, just like how I wished women are. Someday, I'll find her again.

       Stephen

Christine Wayland Time of death: 20:34 Cause: Car Accident Abigail Wayland Time of Death: 20:34 Cause: Miscarriage

When I arrived, I cannot find the soul of this woman. All I see is blood from the scene, and her footsteps. Someone messed with life and death. No one can meddle with the life cycle. I sighed, noting that I have a missing soul to find. Who could have the courage to alter nature's way? The baby should also be dead by now. I don't ill-wish the mother, but it has to be that way.

I leave the area, fearing that someone might see me and accuse me of murder. Oh, I remember: I cannot be seen by men. I am just a mere spirit, fetching souls and leading them either to afterlife or to despair. This is the work of a grim reaper; it can be tiring, knowing that many souls are around. Some just wander off the streets of London and try to seek others' attention.

"So, did you get your last soul for tonight?" Ishmael asks me as we log out for tonight. He has reached over half of his quota. I have exceeded twice of his, though. He is new to this job.

"No, and the last one is quite strange. I have her name on my list buti didn't see her soul nor her body." I tell him. He scrunches his brows in confusion. I hear him think who could've done it. "Have you heard of the Goblin?" He asks me. "I think he is the one responsible for that."

I ponder on that speculation he gave me. He is one of the missing soul our boss wants us to take care of. The goblin has been missing for almost 900 years and no one has managed to capture him and bring him to the afterlife. His name sounds familiar to me, but I don't know where have I heard of it. Our superiors have told us about it and reminded us to keep watch and report to them regarding the said missing soul.

As I came home, I now prepared to move out of the house I am renting for five years. I found a better place to stay in. I have a few things to pack, since I ain't fond of having unnecessary things to have, so that it won't be difficult for me to move out. My colleagues would complain of how heavy their things are whenever they move out of their spaces .

When I peek out of my window, I recognized the man who they call the Goblin... But wait. Is that...

Loki?

Didn't he die from Thanos's hands? How come he is... Darn. This is another alternate reality, and he of course would be alive. And he turned into a goblin? What happened?

I was about to call him, but I see fear in his eyes when he saw me. He didn't manage to wave at me nor smile. I didn't mean harm to him. Wait. I am a grim reaper, and we are on the watch for him. He sensed me!

Sighing, I tried to reach out to Thor, but still failed. I cannot conjure a portal to where he is. How I wanted to tell him that his brother is alive on another timeline. How I really wish.

       Loki

I feel like I did a grave mistake with meddling with the life and death of that woman. She must be dead by now. I saved her, and my future bride. I don't want to wait for another 900 years to meet my bride.

Living eternally has its own ups and downs. Yes, you get to live for a very long time, but you have to suffer the pain of losing your loved ones. Seeing them pass on to the afterlife relieves me, but I wish that I am with them there, living peacefully and without suffering.

Seeing Stephen made me relieved and uneasy at the same time. He is known as Doctor Strange in the timeline I came from, but he is known as a grim reaper in this one. I wished to say hello to them, but I cannot. I know that they have heard of me as one of the missing souls and I am on their watch.

I now ask myself: what if I just remained on that timeline? Would all of this happen? Would I stumble on a curse that makes me suffer from emotional pain that I wished myself death? Would I watch every single person I love die and wither with time?

When I arrive home, my loyal friend Lord William Hathford and his grandson Arnie James welcome me into their home. Their home will be my home from now on, until I decide to move to some other place where I can meet my bride. "It's good to see you again, sir." Lord William greets me. "You too, Mister." I greet them. "Still fine-looking as of the old days, aren't we?" He chuckled. "Oh, here is my grandson, Arnie Jason."

I smile at the boy. He reminds me of Peter Parker. I haven't met him yet, but I know that he exists in the timeline I have been in. "Hi, Jason. Nice to meet you!"

The boy hides a little bit behind Lord William. His brown hair makes me want to ruffle and mess it.

"James, don't be shy. He will be with us from now on." The old man says.

"No, it's fine. Maybe another time will do." I weakly smile at them. I really can't get my mind off that woman I saved from her death. William notices my bereft. "Sir, I know when you are deep in thought. Did something happen on your way home?" I sigh. "There's this woman I healed on my way home. She's in the verge of dying, and she is pregnant with a daughter."

William seats beside me as I narrated the whole event. His brows furrowed as I told him that I felt that she bears my bride. He told me of a prophesy where it tells that a Goblin, which I am, will save a woman who is about to die. The woman bears the Goblin's bride, the girl who shall draw the sword out of him. "How sure are you that it's the bride's mother?" He asks me. I shrug my shoulders. "I don't base on whether she bears my bride or not. What matters most is that I saved her from sudden death. That man shall pay for his insolence towards her."

William smiles, knowing that I have indeed changed for the better. He was with me when I was so down and no one believes me. He also knew of my true identity as an Asgardian who just got in another timeline. He is my most loyal friend. How do I repay him for his loyalty and support?