#thanks to mya's advice :)

[bumblebeehug]

Gave him her heart

Ship: Natsu Dragneel x Lucy Heartfilia Summary: Lucy worries about what to get Natsu for his birthday, not knowing how ridiculously easy it actually is. Day 5 of Nalu Week 2023 - prompt: gifts Ao3

***

Natsu was a good man. He was wild, fun, crazy, but most of all: good. Lucy was very aware of this and knew that such a good man truly deserved the best. So, naturally she felt slightly panicked when she realised his birthday was coming up.

Lucy liked to believe that she was good at giving gifts. She was observant, both on the battlefield and off, so she knew what people looked a little extra at when they browsed shops or went by markets. Wendy turned to sweets, cute dresses or jewellery, something Lucy was relieved over when she noticed it – Lucy was nothing if not good at picking clothes and accessories, and Wendy was transparent with her tastes (sweet = good, savoury = fine, if there was a good reason to why it was gifted, otherwise a little weird, and sour = danger zone. It could be risky, but citrusy tastes were appreciated in sweet desserts). Erza was also easy to please with gifts – either go the sword and armour route, or go the girly route, possibly with some suggestive books. Gray appreciated nice soaps and clean décor for his house, and if she wanted to be funny with him she could always gift him underwear, seeing as it was the only clothing that stayed on for a while (though since him and Juvia got together it wasn’t really an option – Juvia didn’t care too much about what Lucy gave him, underwear or not, but Lucy herself felt weird about it, so nowadays she kept to soaps). Carla liked tea and pretty dresses as well, but appreciated flowers and other handmade things, and Happy was never happier than on his birthday, when he practically could get buried in the number of fishes he’d be given.

Natsu, however? Lucy wasn’t too sure what she could give him. He liked loads of things – food, fights, adventures, funny hats, board games: few things were off the table with that guy. If she gave him a bouquet of flowers he’d probably smile and say thanks (and maybe he’d try to eat them once he got home), if she gave him tea, he’d probably set the leaves on fire and accidentally get high or something – she didn’t want to risk it either way. He’d be thankful for any clothes she would give him, but would most likely only wear them when he really had to, or to sleep if they were comfortable enough. He really liked his special made ones, that managed to stay intact no matter how hot his fire was. He would definitely try to eat the soaps, and that wasn’t worth it in her opinion, and if she gave him a fish he’d very likely think she was either giving Happy a gift through him, or that she was confessing her undying love for him, since that’s what it meant when Happy gave fishes as gifts to the opposite gender (of the same species, might be important to add).

Point is: giving Natsu gifts was hard when you knew him too well. She had even considered giving him jewellery that matched with the ones she had gotten from him recently, but it once again came down to him only wearing them as a chore, and her pride couldn’t really take that. She would have to put a pin in this challenge though, because she was expected at the guild to help cover a shift for Mira as she dealt with one of her requested missions.

As she entered the guild hall, she was relieved to see that it was rather empty. It had its perks, working at a bar in the middle of the day, and since she saw some of her closer mates, she knew she could take her chance to dig around and find out what others would be gifting him.

“Hi Master,” she greeted Makarov, still using the title he had tried to give over so many times already. Though technically he was still in charge, so Lucy thought it only appropriate to keep calling him master until he truly was off the position. “I’m covering for Mira this afternoon.”

“I heard,” he grumbled from his position in the wheelchair. “You’ve been behind the bar before, so you know the drill. In fact, could you bring me a plate of fried squid and a beer? Just put it on my tab.”

Lucy took his order and sent a note into the kitchen per his request. Normally Mira would help out in the kitchen as well, but since Lucy had limited experience with cooking the meals they were serving, she was excused to just manage the drinks and easier snacks, like nuts and chips. As she waited for the staff in the kitchen to finish the order, she poured a glass of beer for Makarov. Half with light alcohol, half with none. He was currently cutting down on his alcohol intake, Porlyusica’s demand, but to not make him fall back immediately from quitting cold turkey, they slowly made him drink lighter and lighter.

“So, Natsu’s birthday is coming up,” Lucy said, trying to cover it up as small talk, but realising it was obvious what she was trying to do.

“I’ve heard.” A smug grin graced Makarov’s face. The relations between the mages in his guild were always amusing, especially in the stage that Lucy’s and Natsu’s had been in the last couple of years.

“I’m a bit curious…” She gave him his order. “What do you think he wants? You’ve known him for longest.”

“Child, I’m too old to remember all my guild members’ gift preferences, and I’m definitely not rich enough to give away gifts like it’s nothing. For a long time now, I’ve allowed myself to forget who likes what.” Lucy smiled, ready to brush the topic off and take another order across the hall, but he continued. “I do, however, know that you could give him a stick or a pebble you found on the sidewalk, and that boy would treasure it like it’s his most sacred, most valuable item in his possession. Do what feels right, Lucy.”

She thanked him, but within she felt like she was back at square one. She knew he would be happy about getting any gift, but she didn’t want to give him just any gift. She wanted it to reflect how much she appreciated him and their friendship, and she wanted it to stick out. Maybe it could even suggest that she appreciated him more than a normal friend, but only if he started overthinking the gift (which she doubted he would do anyways). It was meant to be subtle, but not subtle enough for it to never be discovered by him. And if it needed to be discovered by him, whatever this little message it was she was trying to convey to him, then it would have to be flashing in neon lights above his bed when he woke up in the morning.

So, she spent a few hours continuing to ponder on what to do, as she was taking more and more orders as people kept dropping in. At around 6:30pm her true saviours arrived at the guild hall. Her team, plus a few other closer friends and minus Natsu and Happy, who were camping today and tomorrow, were back from one of their shorter missions, and they were probably starving for some dinner. Lucy was quick to come over and take their order, also grabbing her chance to question them about their thoughts on this conundrum.

“Hi guys, did the mission go well?” She greeted them, preparing her notepad.

“It went great!” Wendy beamed, and Lucy made a quick mental note to ask about the mission more in detail at a later date. She must have done a good job if she allowed herself to be this proud – Lucy always thought she was too harsh on herself when they fought on missions.

“Gray even kept his clothes on,” Erza added, praising the man on her right.

They took a quick moment to chat, and as they finally decided on what to eat, Lucy seized her moment.

“So,” she started, already knowing she would never live down asking a question like this, considering that many of the people at the table were quite transparent on their opinions on Lucy’s and Natsu’s relationship, “Natsu’s birthday, huh?”

The silence her sentence brought made her regret it immediately. She could already see how their brains were working on new ways to tease her for whatever she was going to say next, but she would have to swallow her pride once again. It’s for a good cause, she kept telling herself.

“Have you gotten your presents yet?” She chuckled awkwardly, hoping their answers would be enough to inspire her, so she could get their food and forget she ever brought it up in the first place.

“Mhm.”

“Yep.”

“I have too.”

“And I’m with Wendy on her gift,” Carla added, still making it painfully obvious that nobody was elaborating their answers. They were making Lucy work for it; she just knew it. They loved grabbing their chances to make her say embarrassing things, and today was no exception.

“Really…” She forced out a laugh. “So, what have you gotten him?” She tried again to prompt anyone at the table to speak up, but they knew she would have to continue pressing, and that it would sound more and more desperate the less information they gave her, so after they all stayed silent for another minute, Lucy gave in.

“I’ve just completely blanked out; I can’t even remember a single thing he likes! Please, help me! Give me some inspiration!”

Erza exchanged a glance with Wendy before she answered.

“Well, he likes fire.”

“And fighting.”

“And ugly tourist shirts,” Gray chimed in. Lucy groaned.

“I can’t exactly give him a clip card for sparring matches, and I’ve already considered a bonfire, but I wanted to have a get together later with all of us where we make a bonfire and drink hot chocolate and stuff.” She spared Gray a short glance as well. “And he only wears his special made clothes, so I can’t give him a shirt to frame for 200 jewel.”

“Then we can’t help you,” Erza said, flipping her bangs as she always does when she lies. Lucy pouted.

“I’ll get you your food, please help me afterwards?”

“Deal.”

After 30 minutes she finally had four hot plates balancing on her arms, ready to serve to her stubborn teammates. They were chatting along just fine now, so hopefully the would have forgotten their silent agreement to keep themselves clammed about their gifts. Lucy hurried to place out their food, hoping that they would notice her way of bribing them by giving them extra big portions.

“Now please...! What should I give him?” Lucy sat down at the table. She wasn’t going anywhere until she got an answer she was pleased with.

Wendy gave her an apologetic smile.

“Well… We can tell you what we think, but don’t you think he’d like it better if it truly came from you?” Erza nodded along.

“I’m going to give him a sword that’s enchanted with endless fire,” she revealed. “But you know, it’s not really a gift that screams ‘Lucy’.”

“Erza’s right. I’m giving him some scrap wood I found in the woods because I can’t really bother, but no gift we tell you to get will be as appreciated as the one you come up with,” Gray said, taking a sip from his beer.

“And we’re getting him a small cupon at a restaurant,” Wendy added.

Lucy sighed.

“I know it won’t be the same, but my creative well has completely dried up. Nothing I think of feels like enough. If I get him something I’d appreciate it would be like I don’t know him at all, and that doesn’t feel fair.” She started to feel hopeless. She didn’t like how drained she got from worrying about this – she loved Natsu! And she would love to properly show him how much she loved him, because he truly deserved that. Platonic or not.

“Hey, you look like you’re giving up, that’s not like you! Think of it like this, we’ve all combined our own interests with Natsu’s interest: Erza with the sword, Wendy and Carla with the food, and me with the scrap wood that shows that I have zero interest in him. Why don’t you write something to him? It may not look like it, but I think he know how to read. At least simple words.” Gray gave Lucy a half-hug from his seat in an attempt to comfort her.

“So… you think I should write him a letter? Would that be enough?” She felt sceptical, but it could work.

“You spitting on him would be enough,” Carla snorted, almost offended by her obliviousness.

“Carla!” Wendy burst out, not before Lucy raised an eyebrow in confusion. Her gut told her not to ask, and for once, she decided to actually follow that gut feeling.

“Do you really think a letter would be enough though?” She asked.

“How about you give him an experience? A friendly date of sorts,” Carla suggested.

“An experience?”

“Like going to the movies, or to a restaurant, or maybe picknick or stargazing?” It was Erza who spoke up this time, and Lucy thought she could see a sparkle in her eye. If she didn’t know better, she would almost think that Erza had been on dates like that herself.

“Hm… I guess you’re right. If he doesn’t like it, I’ll just have to ask him directly, I suppose.”

Lucy stood up from her seat at the table and bid farewell to her friends, along with her thanks. A letter would have to do, and she had a gut feeling that told her that she would figure out a good topic to write about. She hurried to end her shift so she could get to her gift-making. A good idea rarely stayed for long in one’s head.

When she finally sat at her desk, pen in her right hand and paper in front of her, she knew this was the right thing to do. What better way was there to tell Natsu how much she appreciated him, if not through words on paper? It was her speciality, after all. She had even lighted some candles to keep her company, since she knew she would sit there for a while. There was a lot of things she wanted to tell him and thank him for, and the letter would be the perfect way to convey these feelings. Right. Feelings. That could include her less platonic ones, and even if this was a great opportunity for that as well, she didn’t know if she was quite ready to go that far yet. In the meantime, she would just have to tell him she loved him in every way except the straightforward one.

Four hours and 16 pages later, she had her letter. It was ridiculously long, she knew that, and he probably wouldn’t be able to read it in one go, but her heart felt light. A letter was the perfect gift. She had even included multiple invites to ‘experiences’ she wanted to give him, and if he took as long to read it as she thought he would, then those experiences would be experienced with about one week in between them. Lucy gave the thick envelope a quick lick to seal it, and after that she couldn’t help but to give it a soft kiss. She had poured her heart out, and though it would be embarrassing for her to know that he would read such things, it also felt very right. It wasn’t a love letter, but in a way, it felt like it was. She had told him all the things she loved about him, all the moments she especially appreciated him being there, and how great her entire life was thanks to him. If read with the intent of reading a love letter, it could very well translate into one, and maybe, someday in the future, he could look back at it and see the hints she left him.

Lucy leaned back in her chair with a big yawn. It was well into midnight hours by now, and she really needed a refreshing shower. A thought went to how Natsu and Happy were having it right now, in a tent somewhere in the woods. Though she was happy to get to sleep in her soft bed, she was missing them. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough. To speed time up she hurried to the bathroom so she could get into bed as soon as possible – her apartment wasn’t the same without those two.

Lucy cursed herself. Why, why, why had she written that letter? It was the most obvious love-confession anyone could ever read, how on earth had she not realised that when she read it through yesterday? She was dragging her feet behind her, because if the embarrassment wouldn’t kill her when he read it later, she would have to kill herself, and no one non-suicidal would ever look forward to something like that. So, her feet dragged. The letter felt heavy in her hands, and she knew that as soon as it would be opened, she would feel naked. Her gut was begging her to turn back, but her heart told her that celebrating Natsu today was more important than her pride. Him and Happy were coming back from their camping trip, and they promised her they would stop by the guild to say hi before heading home, and that’s when they would be surprised with a small celebration. Nothing like other events, where people went completely wild, but a celebration big enough to show him some appreciation.

Checking the clock one last time, she made sure that she was there before they arrived. They woke up pretty late generally and their favourite camping spot was about an hour into the woods. 10am. Maybe they hadn’t even woken up yet, but Lucy didn’t want to risk it. She wanted to prepare and decorate the guild, and then she would grab something to eat, considering she hadn’t eaten any breakfast yet.

As she entered the guild, she was relieved to only see her team and a handful more people. They were chatting and blowing up balloons, and they had turned one of the tables into a gift-table. Lucy hurried to put her letter amongst the others, eager to get the gift out of her hands.

“Good morning, Lucy!” Levy greeted her with a hug. “You’re pretty late, did you stay up last night?” Lucy chuckled lightly.

“Yeah, I had something important to finish.” She felt her team’s eyes in her back – they knew she had stayed up writing, and though Lucy knew she hadn’t written a love confession of any sort (other than platonic) she still managed to feel a blush creep onto her cheeks.

“So, do you need help with the balloons?” She offered, greeting the rest of the group.

“It’s fine, you go ahead and grab some breakfast instead,” Mira smiled.

“How did you know I haven’t eaten?” Lucy sat down at a table.

“You have a tendency to forget to eat when you have other things on your plate,” Mira just answered, placing down a yoghurt bowl with homemade granola and fruits. Lucy could only smile sheepishly, slightly embarrassed how obviously nervous she was about this event. She was sure Erza had told her about her moment of weakness yesterday, so she reminded herself to try to keep herself under the radar. She’d just be here, sing a happy birthday song, eat a piece of cake and watch Natsu open his presents, then the day would be over and the whole Lucy-confesses-her-feelings-though-a-letter thing would be over! No unnecessary teasing from her friends, if all went well.

“I’m back!”

The guild door shot open with a noise loud enough to give the untrained ear a heart attack. Lucy however had a trained ear, so she just turned her head and met Natsu’s happy gaze, her heart fluttering at the fact that his eyes immediately searched for her and no one else.

“Happy birthday!” The guild cheered. Lucy stood up from her place at the table, not really knowing why until Natsu stood in front of her, just an arm’s length away. If she reached, she would be able to bring him into a hug, and it truly itched in her arms to do exactly that.

“Hey,” Lucy smiled softly. “Happy birthday.” Watching Natsu’s smile go from surprised and generally happy, to soft and caring made Lucy lose what little control she had, and she caved into her needs to hug him. As soon as she felt him hug her back, she knew that whatever the others thought about the content of her letter contained, as long as Natsu read it and took it to heart, all would be fine.

“Thank you,” he whispered, tightening the hug for a second before he went ahead and thanked the rest of his friends, never straying far from Lucy.

The birthday party was overall a quite big success, everyone had a great time, and Natsu, who not so secretly had been itching to open the presents, finally gave in and announced what he was planning to do.

“Time to open the presents!” He cheered, almost jumping in place in excitement, clearly not representing the age he was turning (400-something years old) but making everyone smile regardless. Everyone except Lucy, whose heart flew up in her throat, suddenly getting the strongest urge to grab her letter before he got to it so she could throw it away or burn it. Not because she didn’t want him to read it – she would just prefer it if he read it somewhere more private, where the burning eyes of her much beloved friends could read it and jump to conclusions. So, she hurried close to whisper her plan to Natsu – despite him being the cause of these nerve-racking feelings, he was still her partner in crime, and she knew he would break his neck to achieve whatever she asked him to do. This time, what she asked him not to do.

“Psst!”

Natsu shot a glance to Lucy, who was whispering just quietly enough that no one else would notice, unless they had dragon ears and paid attention to her. Lucy, who saw that he had heard her, hurried to shoot her shot.

“My gift is the letter, I would kinda like it if you read it after the party instead? It’s just – it’s quite long and it won’t be any fun if you sat down and read it here, you know?”

The ball was in the air, and now she could at least sleep well knowing that no matter the outcome, she did try her best to steer the situation into best case scenario – all to her means of course.

Natsu, the king of pranks and someone who was surprisingly good at sneaking around, despite his usual love for the “let’s just barge in and fight anyone who tries to stop us” approach, still managed to keep up his gleeful demeanour as he had listened to Lucy’s request. He once again met her gaze and gave her a quick nod, ensuring that she had scored. The rest of the evening would manage to stay calm and uneventful. All thanks to their ways to keep down low. It was really convenient to have dragon hearing at times like these – though usually she had that thought on missions, and not happy, meant to be uneventful celebrations and parties.

The birthday boy himself didn’t mind opening Lucy’s gift later. In fact, he was just happy he was getting something at all from her, considering how stressful most birthdays could be for her. Sure, she already knew what genre people liked, but getting down to picking the actual thing and managing prices was a hard task for Lucy to tackle without stress. So instead, he went ahead and opened the elongated, wrapped gift that said “Happy birthday, from Erza” on the card. He would make sure to ease Lucy’s mind today, considering how stressed she clearly had been the last couple of weeks.

Natsu couldn’t stop grinning. He truly had the best friends ever, and despite him not being a big birthday celebrator when it came to himself, it felt good to be appreciated. There had been good songs playing, yummy food to eat, and most importantly: good company. He especially loved the presents he had gotten, since they clearly were gifts that his friends had carefully thought through and taken into consideration before giving them – yes, even Gray’s gift was appreciated, because though it seemed silly, he did sometimes need firewood after hard missions to speed up his recovery. Everything was dear to him, so when he finally got home with that thick letter in his hands, he couldn’t wait a second more to open it. This, you see, might be the dearest gift of all.

The softly written “To: Natsu Dragneel” on the front of the envelope made Natsu’s heart beat harder. He knew that the content in it probably wasn’t anything out of the ordinary stuff the two of them said to each other, but still. He liked that Lucy had put extra thought into whatever she had written. Or, at least he hoped she had, seeing as he didn’t actually know what the letter said yet.

Happy peaked over Natsu’s shoulder, closing the door behind the two.

“So, what are you waiting for? Open it!” Happy urged, eager to see what Lucy wanted to say to him, but clearly couldn’t since she had to write it down. In his opinion a speech would be quicker, knowing how slowly Natsu read.

Carefully Natsu parted the sealed wax from the paper, making sure not to tear anything. If he could make some space, he’d want to hang everything on his memory wall later, and in that case he didn’t want to ruin it.

Still standing just inside the door, Natsu began to read. The letter started out rather normal. She was writing the obligatory happy birthdays and saying hi to Happy, who she knew would read over Natsu’s shoulder despite it being a private message. That part piqued Natsu’s interest a little extra. What did she have to say to him that not only had to be written, but wasn’t meant for Happy to know? It sparked some hope in his heart that she possibly could feel something special about him – special-er than what they already had. He continued down the page. She started reminiscing about the past, and about halfway through the second page, Happy gave up on Natsu’s slow reading and told him he’d simply read it after Natsu was done with it. Natsu took a seat as he joined Lucy’s trip down memory lane, enjoying the new information on how she saw him when they first met, during their first missions and more. He especially liked learning that despite his foul mood the first days together, she still had fond memories of him, like when he included her in his list of friends when they fought Macao (before they knew it was him, since he had turned into a Vulcan) and how the reason she didn’t refuse to get along with him after he had seemingly deceived her for a mission, was because he had managed to get a few lucky words in. Something like “because we thought you seemed nice” had made her stick, and Natsu could only thank his past self for accidentally pressing the right buttons.

As he continued reading, he was struck by the wonderful realisation that he truly mattered to Lucy. It’s not like he didn’t know that she enjoyed his company, but seeing in in black and white was completely different. It wasn’t just that she had written something along the lines of “I care about you, your existence matters to me” (though that would have worked as well), but the fact that she could remember so many small details of what he had said and done, that she may as well have written a complete book with all those moments, and it would probably be at least 200 pages long. He knew she had been cutting down on what memories she brought up in the letter, because enough talks with one person made them show how much brain capacity they had, and Natsu knew that her brain capacity was way longer than a 16-page letter. This was her way of being concise. Yet she still managed to bring up moments he only vaguely remembered, sharing almost exact quotes of what was said and by who. Mostly the who was either Natsu or Lucy, but it was still impressive.

Natsu had never been interested in reading. It was a chore he had to go through to get the money he needed for food, had never been any more interesting than that. Except for two occasions: Lucy’s first published book, and this letter. Sure, he had been reading it for almost double as long as it probably took to write it, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested. This letter was so far the greatest thing he had ever received, which wasn’t an easy thing to manage.

At 4am had he gotten to the last line of the letter. His eyes were trying to force him to rest, but his mind fought it like never before. He had skipped dinner for this, and he was not planning to give up last minute, just to succumb to something so superficial, boring and unnecessary as sleep. No, he gathered up some extra will power and pulled though. “Though you probably understand this after reading this letter, I am simply eternally grateful for everything you are, and what you’ve just read is the best I could do at describing my gratefulness in words. Thank you for all you’ve done, and for being unapologetically you. No one else could make me as happy as you have, so once again: Happy birthday, Natsu Dragneel.” She had signed it with her signature at the very bottom, ensuring that all he had just read was completely and wholly from Lucy. After reading the whole thing, he felt his legs itch. No, maybe it was his arms. Feet, hands? No, it was most definitely his soul that had started to climb inside his body. He wanted to go to her, and he wanted to see her. Preferably five minutes ago. He threw another glance at the clock. 4:50am. He had been tossing around, unable to even do as much as close his eyes, for the last 40 minutes, and he knew he wouldn’t feel better until he was within a 20-meter radius of Lucy. Or rather, 2-meter radius.

Not bothering to sneak around the heavy sleeper that the exceed was, Natsu jumped out of the bed and pulled on his slippers. In less than 3 seconds he was out the door, and in another 3 he noticed that he was running. He wasn’t quite sure what he would do when he saw her, especially considering that she most likely was asleep in this hour, but he simply had to get to her, quickly. The time was ticking, like he was a bomb soon to explode, like he was going to run out of time if he didn’t arrive soon. Wind blowing in his ears, he could barely make out the sound of his heavy breathing. He hadn’t run this fast in Mavis knows how long, and he might actually had made it outside her apartment in record time. His chest rising and lowering in big breaths, he managed to make something of a sigh in relief to see her window slightly opened. Climbing the wall quietly was no challenge with Natsu’s experience, so he swiftly pulled himself up, making sure to fully open and enter the window as quickly as possible – though this time with less success since he didn’t have as much experience with that part. Usually he just barged in after scaling the wall, seeing as the time he did it at was most often a time where Lucy either was away or awake.

Either way, he didn’t manage to sneak in as stealthily as he’d like. The window creaked and his body almost fell limp after getting a whiff of Lucy’s calming scent – that he had been running like a maniac to get there didn’t help either, and after a loud, nongraceful landing, Lucy was already awake.

“Natsu? ‘s that you?” She mumbled, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Yeah, sorry for waking you,” he whispered, finding his balance on his legs again as he stood up.

“No worries.” Lucy had now swung her legs over the edge of her bed and sat in a more upright position. “Did you need anything? Is Happy alright?”

“Yeah, he’s at home sleeping. I just felt like coming here,” Natsu said, full transparency.

“Alright,” Lucy said, now taking a better look at his face. He looked red and flustered, but with his heavy breathing it might just be the fact that he ran to her place.

“I read it.”

Lucy’s face started getting hot as well.

“The letter?”

“The entire thing.”

“Wow. Uh, so what do you think of it?” Had the hour been normal she might not have asked him such a bold question, but something about the way the streetlights and moon illuminating the room made her feel brave. Perhaps she still thought she was dreaming, but this felt much too real to be just a dream.

“It’s perfect.” Natsu took a few steps closer. He could now make out most of her facial features, sleepy yet alert of his presence.

“I’m glad.”

A few more seconds went by, though it felt like minutes.

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“All of it. All the things you wrote?”

A soft smile graced Lucy’s lips.

“Of course. I would never lie about those things.”

Natsu knew he could be dense in most situations. He couldn’t always read the room, and he wasn’t good at subtext. This time however, he had felt something the whole time as he read that letter. Maybe it was what other would call “reading between the lines” but he suddenly had great confidence in something that could change their relationship forever. Of course, it was a very long shot, but perhaps the adrenaline from all that running was just what he needed to gather the courage to take it. He did, however, decide to test out the water first. Running headfirst was usually his go-to method if he could choose, but he wasn’t blind to the delicacy of the situation he was putting himself in.

“Can I assume things?” He tried.

“Assume things? From what I wrote?” Lucy asked, curious where he was leading this conversation. She was very aware of her heartbeat, but she didn’t know that she didn’t have to be this time, considering that all that Natsu was hearing was his own.

“Yeah.”

“It depends. What do you want to assume?”

Natsu swallowed. Did he always have this much saliva? If so, maybe something was wrong with him. He swallowed again, clenching and unclenching his fists. Had he ever been this nervous in a situation as calm as this? No bandits, no monsters, no big wild animals – not even an annoyed Erza was around.

“That…” he started, his tongue thickening as he spoke. Not literally, but it sure felt like it. He could barely concentrate on what he wanted to say, gazing into those doe eyes. She was so, ridiculously pretty. He knew that before, of course, but he almost found it unfair. How could he think of any words when she sat there, looking all nice and pretty. “That you like me?”

He had said it as a question, though it sounded more like a statement right now. Lucy’s heart must have skipped a beat or two. She was still sleepy, but the tiny possibility that this wasn’t just a perfect dream made her stop herself from straight up answering yes.

“Well… I hoped my letter was clear on that. You’re my best friend in the whole world, how could I not like you?” She let out a small chuckle at the very idea of disliking a friend. She didn’t, however, predict what he would say next.

Natsu reached out his left hand, touching a piece of her hair that had fallen out from behind her ears.

“But can I assume…” He put it behind her ear, “that you like me more than a friend?”

Natsu’s eyes were darker than usual in the dimmed light, but Lucy saw clearly that he was being serious. Though, this exact facial expression was one she had never seen before. She had seen his tender look, his soft look, his happy look, his loving look, but she had never seen this combination of all. And it was her he was showing it to. In fact, maybe it was exactly this expression that made her admit the truth for once. For so long she had been scared that he would feel bothered or surprised by the very idea of “liking beyond friendship”, or love, as she would prefer to call it. She had been afraid that he would find her fantasies of the two of them living their life together as a couple weird, or even mildly repulsive. That her confession would lead to their friendship breaking apart forever. That, however, could no longer be the case. Lucy wasn’t blind, and she certainly wasn’t dumb. If Natsu looked this… happy? To even assume that she likes him beyond friendship, then the outcome from telling him the truth couldn’t possibly be bad. She tilted her head lightly towards his hand, sharing another smile.

“Yeah. I do like you more than a friend, or a best friend.” Natsu took another step closer, now close enough to make her feel his hot breath on her face that he had tilted upwards, towards him.

“Then…” He bended down slowly to come closer to her sitting position. “Can I kiss you?” His words didn’t come out louder than a breath, but Lucy knew what she heard. Her heart had never danced as wildly as it did when she nodded and closed her eyes as Natsu closed the space between them.

The kiss itself was probably nothing special to someone watching. It was plain and soft, just two mouths pressing against each other. For them, however, it was nothing short of magical fireworks. Lucy’s cool, soft lips against Natsu’s hot, slightly rougher ones sent shivers throughout both of them, as if the small touch had opened a completely new door, a way for them to connect and become closer than ever.

Inexperienced as they both were though, they soon had to break it off to breathe. After less than 20 seconds, Lucy pulled their faces together again. How could they have been missing out on this awesome experience for all the years they had known each other? Natsu knew that this already had topped the list of his favourite activities – even placing higher than eating and fighting. The next time they went up for air, they couldn’t stop themselves from giggling.

“Can this count as a birthday gift if I haven’t slept since yesterday?” Natsu asked, more energetic than reasonable after his long day.

“If that makes you happy,” Lucy smiled, giving him another peck on his lips. Whatever they decided to do from this point on, Lucy knew they would figure it out. After all, if they had managed to overcome the obstacle of going from friends to whatever this was, then they could definitely manage anything and everything else thrown at them. What’s important was that they from this point out, took on every challenge together.

[cg-saturn]

Saurn haben seen you long tim what doin

Hiya Mya! Happy new years eve!

I've been pretty inactive recently because my new job has been keeping me on my toes and pretty busy, and on top of that, unfortunately Star's been going through a lot medically. They just got a diagnosis for something that's been wrong for years and the doctors are only now taking it serious because it could become life threatening. Basically, my poor angel is going to have to get surgery soon.

I've also been receiving a million requests, which has been both really nice but also really stressful. I've been reading everything I receive and I'm trying to reply to things when I have the emotional and physical space to do it, but there have been literally tons of requests so it's just been a bit overwhelming to reply to all the advice/name boards/mood boards/ etc while also working and trying to take extra special care of Star.

I've reached over 350 followers which is crazy!!! I was not expecting this blog to blow up so fast, especially as someone who's never used this app prior to September! I'm so thankful for all the wonderful friends I've made so far, and all the kind wishes and love that's been shared with me in this short amount of time. I know sometimes things can be hard in the real world, but having such a safe place to come and be myself has been such a life changing experience. I feel like I've created a little home for myself and all my little kiddos, warm and full of love and support for one another.

Thank you Mya, and all of my other friends for checking in on me and making sure I'm doing okay. I've never had a place (other than just with Star) that I've ever felt so seen and cared about. I feel important here, for the first time ever, and im so thankful to all of my friends and kiddos for giving me this feeling. You all mean so much more to me than I could ever express, thank you for being here with me 💕 I hope the new year brings everyone peace and joy. Please go get your comfy jammies on and curl up, im sending each one of you a new years smooch on the forehead. Mwah! 💋

Pippi Saturn

[marjansmarwani]

I just finished rereading your firefighter Carlos/Cop TK AU and loved it even more this time ❤️ especially Carlos and Owen’s conversation while they’re mopping the floor- that for some reason hits different after watching this season and seeing how their relationship has grown! also I love and miss Mya and hope to see her in a future story haha 💙

Thank you, Anon! Hearing stuff like this always makes my day 💗

I’m going to have to go back and reread that scene, but I’m glad it resonated with you! I’ll always been fond of that story because it was both my first AU and still the longest thing I’ve ever written but mostly because it brought me Mya, who I love with my entire heart. So much so that I couldn’t let her just live in one story, and she has traveled to several others! I haven’t written one in a while and now I’m going to have to see if I can fit her into any of my WIPs. I miss her.

Since you asked, here’s a Mya Masterlist:

Trouble Will Come

A sequel to TK and Marjan being trapped in an explosion, it’s Carlos’s turn now.

that’s when I knew

5 times they almost said “I love you,” and one time they finally did.

I’m sorry enough

When TK starts acting strangely Carlos decides to take his partner’s advice. It goes terribly, until it doesn’t.

I want ours to be an endless song

Their joint Christmas Eve shift turns disastrous when Carlos is seriously injured and TK is left with nothing to do but wait, and hope for a Christmas miracle

If I die before I wake

Carlos responds to a car accident that threatens to take everything from him

hold you ‘til the morning comes

When they get reports that a firefighter was killed Carlos does his best not to panic, and Mya does her best to have his back while they wait for news

I’m far away, but I am right here

Worried Carlos during the wildfires, featuring his partner who is always there for him

we won the cosmic lottery

Mya drags Carlos to speed dating on Valentine’s Day (it goes well for him)

all the difference in the world

Carlos and Mya respond to the hostage situation call in 2x05

head to toe, hand to hand

Carlos and Mya get separated on a call and Carlos ends up in a perilous situation. He just needs to hang on long enough for help to find him.

[warsofasoiaf]

If Rhaelle Targaryen would have been alive when Robert was betrothed to Lyanna, do you think she would have been able to offer Robert guidance and possibly curb some of his more extreme drinking and whoring? And to also offer Lyanna some advice with regards to the betrothal and future marriage to Robert? And could have her presence ensured a warmer interaction/relationship between Lyanna and Robert, and possibly prevented Lyanna running with or being kidnapped by Rhaegar?

I don't think she would have changed him. Robert's mother died when he was 15-16 and Robert had already a reputation as a horndog given that he fathered Mya Stone. I think Robert's alcoholism stemmed from his depression, so I don't think anyone would have attempted to curb any drinking until after Lyanna's death when it probably took an upturn.

I don't think she would have stopped the rebellion. Rhaegar was charming and driven by prophecy, and Lyanna seemed rather skeptical that anything could change Robert's nature.

Thanks for the question, Dark.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

[spideysneighbor]

Hello Neighbor: Welcome to Raven Brooks - Chapter 18 The Librarian (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/1242108692-hello-neighbor-welcome-to-raven-brooks-chapter-18?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=NeighborReno12&wp_originator=lssUEhNL0EUZARURdzJ61YB5p63IezG4KsM0mTyU96LVzqTpKXpdlWTLI1DyYnaUwzxvhdrZ0OdZmXJN19rokGP%2Bb5vBpRirHgRXJSRArapbcWtGk9pNJBgmRETid9OP 

link here ---> https://www.wattpad.com/1242108692-hello-neighbor-welcome-to-raven-brooks-chapter-18

I just post another chapter on my fanfiction after like MONTHS so if you guys want to read it here the link you don’t have to just wanted to post it hope you guys have a great day.

I focused on the pages of the book seeing page after page, drawing after drawing, as the sunlight lit up the room, helping me see better but it only bother me I couldn't help to rub my left eye and sigh " well narf time to act like you slept good. " I got up and started to do some stretches because I felt like the aliens drain my human energy maybe because that was pretty much what happened but perhaps it was god himself or just lack of sleep but I didn't bother to care about myself because I was too busy cleaning up the couch to make sure there was no evidence I was here so Mr. Esposito and Miss. Esposito wouldn't know. Once I was done I was planning on continuing to study the observation notebook but I wanted to explore more since now the rooms were now no longer shadowed by darkness. I found myself walking down the hallway that led to the bathroom, I walk there because it was the only place I could see Esposito's pictures that were hung up on the wall. While they were pretty much the same, with all of them just having a picture of each family member doing something together or apart they were fascinating to me because I have never seen this many photos before, mainly because they all looked so happy with each other, while I couldn't do stuff like fishing, soccer, engineering, spend more time with my parents.I continue to look at the picture until I heard footsteps. I turn around only to be scared by a single boo that makes me jump back only to see the two siblings " ha got you, Nicky " she said with a gentle smirk as I rolled my eyes playfully " yea you got me, your getting better at that " I replied which got her to smile even bigger than before " thanks, you're making it easy for me " she said, to which I grin at her " oh I'll get you back, that I swear to holly aliens and god, I will have my revenge " I grin.I look up to her brother " you look like crap " I said to him to which he just smirks " yea, well you don't look so hot ether " I let a laugh hoping Mr.Peterson wouldn't hear me " but seriously you look worse did you even sleep " Aaron asked, to which I was just stood there not really knowing how to respond " y-yea I didn't sleep that good " I said to which he put his hand on my shoulder " next time try to go back to sleep " he said to me while rolled my eyes " yea well I can't, i-it not easy I'm not as lazy as you " I said but then he gave me a punch on the shoulder " oh please you can't even get out of bed most of the time " he said as I rolled my eyes " okay but seriously you need sleep " he said " okay fine what do you got to say " I asked as Mya lean against the wall " well you know how you like engineering and how it makes you more relax, well it like sleeping, try thinking of ideas that you could build or make adjustments to and the more that you think the more time you drift off. "His eyes sparked as he smiled revealing his white teeth that were almost perfect looking as his smile, but yet it had an effect on me that made me put a smile on my face " thanks for the advice, I might use it someday" I said he let out a sigh " well you better use it tonight because this is our last sleepover since your parents are coming home tomorrow " he said " yea they have been doing a lot of work " I said a little quietly only for Aaron to speak " well at least they will be back and you can hang out with them. " I was about to talk until Mya let out a cough " you should get your breakfast before I steal yours " she said only for Aaron to grin at her " oh you are a little thief if you dare lay finger on the pancakes I will use a gamma ray to destroy you " he said only for her to roll her eyes " I wasn't talking to you " she smirk, as I felt a little grin on face " oh that how going to be...well SEEYA " I yelled as ran pass her " GET BACK HERE YOU ALIEN BUTTLER " she screamed behind me as we both came down the stairs, both of us laughing as well ran through the halls, with the floors squeaking from our footsteps and the halls echoing our laughter only to stop once when I hit something in front of me that made me fall to the ground cause me get up and look up to see Mr.Peterson as fear was now all I felt " what are you doing boy I can hear you from the living room " he growed at me making nervous with his russian accent putting me on edge as I felt myself trying to make out a word but it never came out.I only stared at him as the both of us locked eyes " morning dad how did you sleep " Mya's voice said behind me with a happy tone that sound excited but Mr.Peterson seemed to ignore it as he look at her " I didn't sleep I was...working and you should be quiet Mya or you can go back to your room " he said to her like he was annoyed with he, as if she was just some nuisance it made me have a spark of anger that I felt inside me, but I kept calm " now you all be quiet or Nicholas is going home early " he said to us, that when I felt more anger but that was interupted by a voice behind me " they weren't even screaming that loud, they were just having fun " I look behind us to see Aaron who had his arms cross as he stared at his father " what did you say oMeN  you better have a good reason on why you dare to talk to me like that " he growed at his son with his hand rolling up into a fist " I said they were just having fun, father " he repeated but he sounded irrated rather then scared of the man stepping forward to him.

[stuhde]

hi everyone!! this is insane and long overdue, but i just wanted to take the time to thank all of you for loving and supporting my blog these past (almost) 4 years. i have really grown to love the studyblr commuity as a family and have been so grateful to share my life journey through school with so many people.

to celebrate my 30k milestone, the poll results show that a majority of folks would like moodboards. to participate you...

must be following me!

reblog/like this post!

send me a ✨ and let me know if you want a name moodboard, a moodboard of a memory, or something you are hopeful for (honestly anything is chill haha)

if you’re sending it on anon, please send me your sideblog or blog to tag (or please let me know if you want a private ask)

i am getting ready for my final (online) year at university in a few weeks so please be patient if i take a while!

also feel free to blacklist “stuhdecelebrates” if you don’t want to see the posts!

thank you again to everyone for all your love, kindness, and consistent support. i can’t believe i started this blog as a high school senior and in three weeks, i am about to be a senior in university. time really does fly and i wanted to also take my time to give shout outs to some of my favorite people on here

@studyfajr nesi, i can’t even remember when we first met but you’ve always been my ride or die mutual. thank you for sending me messages when you could tell i was sad/stressed and thank you for just being a geuine light during my time on here. i appreciate you everyday!

@stillstudies mya, you’ve been here with me since day one and you continue to be such an inspiration. i admire everything you do and the strength and honesty you show. continue being you and i am so glad we met and managed to do some incredible projects like BNIStudies on here. cheers to more!

@headgirlstudy ellie, we’ve only recently started talking but even then, you’re always a joy to see online and talk to. i always get so happy when i see your icon on my dash and your posts make me so happy. can’t wait to discuss the utter dissapointment we will face in this fall semester online haha

@blacklinguist pooh, again, just... i don’t have any words to describe how appreciative i am of your presence on here. you really encourage individuals here to think and your honesty truly brings a kind of refreshing atmosphere on what it means being a black woman in academia. i am forever grateful to be seeing and sharing similar experiences as you, and let’s continue to liberate and bring our siblings with us!

@gloomstudy kat, you’ve have also pretty much been here with me since day one and one of the many blogs i had been following before i joined the studyblr community. you’re kindness and inspiration bring me so much joy - thank you!

@noodledesk jess, you are one of the many joys of the studyblr community. you’re presence here makes me so happy, your posts often times make me laugh, and your passion to learn and grow is so inspirational. thank you so much for all your kindness and tips. much love!

@studylustre carol, i don’t think there are enough words to describe how thankful and appreciative i am to have you as a friend. the amount of times i have messaged you for advice is too much to count and i am forever grateful for your support, love, honest advice, and helping me get through some weird/sticky situations. you’ve also been here with me since day one and i am so happy at the people we’ve grown to be. thank you for everything!

i really would go on, but other mutuals who have really made my time here so wonderful are: @einstetic @eintsein @productivebuddy @studyblr @academiix @afternaomi @ssehuns @tbhstudying @thestudyfeels @universi-tea @bestudy @pltuo @smilestudy @cheruib @coffeeandpies @hannybstudies @phoebe-does @diplomatsun @athenastudying @sonderstudy @bujokookie @study-van @smartspo @myhoneststudyblr

i really can’t say enough but, thank you, thank you, thank you. i love you all so much and cheers to more wonderful years of love, growth, and support!

[jjofalltrades]

For the writer asks red, yellow and pink. Please and thank you.

Ahhh! I'm so sorry this took forever to respond @thatsaysalotalotalot! I'm just now able to get to my laptop today. Thank you so much for these asks! RED: What type of writer’s block do you experience the most? I'm usually riding the line between Distraction and Perfectionism. Whenever I've had the opportunity (intention) to write, I've got two children who decide otherwise. It's like they know I just put my headphones on. When I do get into writing a scene, I'm always going back to edit it instead of just letting it go. Honestly, I think I need to get a beta to edit for me as is instead of picking it all apart.

YELLOW: What’s a common writing tip that you mostly ignore? Do not edit as you go. Write out the scene AND THEN go back. Also, my outlines tend to me, like, suggestions than anything else LOL!

PINK: Which of your characters would become your best friend? Hot Pie. He speaks my love language....which is food. Plus, he'd be perfect at listening while I vent. Sit me down with my favorite drink or snack. Mya would be another. She's a "you get what you see" type of person and grounded. If I need a straight answer or advice, she's the one. Both would be honest, which is what I value you most in any friendship. That, and they're pretty accepting of anybody. As long as they are dicks.

[sunontherhoyne]

For the character ask: Sansa and Arya (3,5,6,7) thank you!

Sansa

3: brotp

I hope she, Myranda Royce, and Mya Stone all become very good friends in the Vale! Also, Jeyne Poole. In AUs, Margaery. And also in even bigger AUs, I love the idea of Arianne taking her under her wing.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

After the war, she never remarries. Instead, she pretty much takes in a lot of the orphans that lost their parents in the wars, and raises them as best as she can, and makes certain that they never feel as alone as she once did.

6: favorite line from this character

"If I am ever a queen, I'll make them love me."

I love this so much. It perfectly describes who Sansa is. She thinks this after Cersei's "advice," after being a hostage for so long. It would be perfectly understandable, if depressing, had she listened to what Cersei said, and yet she didn't.

7: one way in which I relate to this character

I too have pretty red hair.

Okay, I actually relate to growing up and listening to all the tales of princesses and wanting to be one of them, and then growing up and finding out reality isn't the same as songs. Granted I didn't have anything traumatizing like she did, but still.

Arya

3. brotp

I really wish she would meet the Sand Snakes. I mean, she would all but worship Obara, and she and Elia Sand would get into so many shenanigans. Also, she and Edric Dayne.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

She gets so many friends in peacetime. So many of them. She has to make up for practically having none in the series, after all.

6: favorite line from this character

I've been trying so hard to think of one, but I can't I am so sorry ;-;

7: one way in which I relate to this character

Despite the above with Sansa, I also very much wanted to learn how to fight rather than learn how to do stuff like sewing when I was younger. My favorite princess was Mulan for a reason, though now she's not for the simple fact that she's not actually a princess x)

[smithbysmithies]

i just stopped by Smith’s campus today to drive in to see it. I’m a prospective student and i fell more in love with the school than I thought possible. So nervous I won’t be accepted!! I know if I can get into Smith I will 100% be going, is there any way to bring this up in a polite fashion if I am able to interview? I appreciate any tips on the admission process that worked for you guys! Thanks!

Hi! Congrats on finding a college that you love so early on in the college application process. In your interview, I would state what you already said! Your determination, drive, and enthusiasm towards Smith is a great way to show your interviewer that you are truly invested in Smith. Another way to show this is by applying Early decision (if you have decided that this is the right choice for you) and letting your interviewer know that during the interview. Another piece of advice that I have to offer is to reach out to your states rep and introduce yourself. You can find their email and respective state here. I hope this helps! ~Mya’24

[nephrosoupp]

Hihihi mya! I’m a big fan of your arts, being also an art-lover and a Chinese, could you please gimme some suggestions on studying arts in the US? Love ya❤️

Oh hello aw geez thank you 💛 I ,, unfortunately I haven’t studied Art specifically in the US (or anywhere really haha) I have gone to boarding school there for around two years though ;;

hmm I’m not sure but maybe some general advice would be,, don’t let the talent you see around you sway you? Don’t be intimidated by how well you think your classmates draw, just focus on refining your craft, and learn but don’t copy

[marjansmarwani]

I’m far away, but I am right there 

1.6k || ao3

While TK is fighting the wildfire Carlos does his best not to worry. Mostly, he fails. Fortunately for him, he has someone on his side too. ---- Missing moment (I'd like to think) from 2x03

A slightly belated gift for the wonderful @lonestarbabe! I originally was working on something completely different, but I wanted to give you something with some Mya. I hope you enjoy it 💕

Beta’d by @officereyes and title courtesy of @firefighterstrand 

----------------

The weeks-long battle against the San Angelo fire continues at this hour, with officials now saying the blaze has consumed more than 180,000 acres with less than 5% containment. 

They had the news on again. 

Carlos did his best to ignore it, willing himself to focus solely on his paperwork and nothing else. 

Response teams are exhausted, most of them having been in this fight for days now in dangerous and inhospitable conditions, grabbing what little rest they can, here on the front lines of this inferno. 

But it was hard when all his brain wanted to do was worry about TK. His boyfriend was 200 miles from home on the front lines of the worst wildfire in Texas history, and tidbits of information like that were not helpful in lessening his worry.

At first he told himself it would be fine, it would just be a day or two before they’d have the fires under control. But as one day stretched into several and then became a week, it became harder with each passing breath to not focus solely on this fear. He wondered if this is how his past boyfriends had felt about his job. Secretly he doubted it; not because of the lack of risks, but because of their lack of investment. But if they had ever felt even an inkling of this, he was sorry he had put them through that. 

Distantly someone made a smartass comment about the coverage and Carlos clenched his jaw in an effort to not bite their head off. He was writing with just a little bit more force than usual when the chair beside his desk was suddenly filled as his partner plopped down next to him, eyebrows raised: “you look like a walking tension headache.” 

“With observation skills like that it’s a wonder you haven’t made detective yet.” 

Mya raised an eyebrow at his tone and his words, “and so pleasant too.” 

Carlos put down his pen and sighed, running a hand down his face before turning to face her, “I’m sorry, I’m just a little…”

“Tense? Worried? Acting like a dick?” Mya provided helpfully. 

“Yes, yes, and I’m sorry,” Carlos replied, glancing over his shoulder at the news footage still running, “I just hate thinking about it. I hate that he’s facing that,” he gestured to news currently showing what seemed to be just acres of flames and a permanently smoke-filled sky, “and there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

Mya’s expression softened as she leaned closer, “I hate to break it to you Carlos, but you’re human. Those feelings come with the territory. Especially when you’re in love.” 

That caught Carlos’s attention. He had returned to his paperwork, but now he faltered in his writing, pen pausing on the form he was filling out, freezing before he slowly looked up to meet his partner’s knowing and marginally smug expression. He shook his head, “I’m not...I never said…” 

Now Mya scoffed, “Please. Like it’s not painfully obvious to everyone but the two of you.” 

She looked at him expectantly, but Carlos was quiet after her words and her knowing grin shifted into a frown, “That’s not a bad thing, Carlos. You two love each other. In most universes, we call that a good thing.”

Carlos was quiet again before he turned to look at her, “yeah, I know.”

She waited but he didn’t elaborate. “And?” she prompted, “I feel like there’s a but.” 

“But,” he agreed, “I just never really thought about it before, you know?” 

She still looked puzzled but when he glanced at the news again, something seemed to click in her mind: “You’ve never said it to him.” 

Carlos peeled his eyes away from the new footage to meet hers once again, “No,” he agreed quietly, “I haven’t.”    

“And now you’re doing your pessimist thing and wondering if maybe you won’t have the chance now.” 

“I am not a pessimist,” Carlos objected hotly before deflating, “but yes. I mean, Mya, he’s on the front lines of the worst wildfire in Texas history. And he’s an incredible danger magnet. I’m just…” 

“Worried,” Mya finished, and Carlos nodded. “Got any advice for that?” he asked in what he hoped was a joking tone, but judging by her expression, he failed. 

“Trust him.” 

He looked at her sharply and she shrugged, “What? You two are the type of couple I use to remind myself love does exist and it’s not all a con by the wedding industry. I don’t really think the universe will pull you two apart just yet. TK is good at what he does, don’t forget that.” 

“I know he is, but…” 

Mya scowled at him and picked up one of the paperclips on his desk to flick at him. He swatted it away and gave her a look of indignation, “what was that for?” 

“For being a pessimist again. Stop it. There’s no use dwelling on the worst. Have a little faith, Carlos.” 

“I never thought I’d see the day when you’d be the one telling me off for being a pessimist.”

“Neither did I, but here we are. I don’t like it either, so you better get out of this funk ASAP.” 

Carlos rolled his eyes but was distracted by the sound of his phone vibrating on his desk. Mya followed his gaze to it as he picked it up, “Is that him?” 

He shook his head as he read the message, frown deepening, “no, it’s his mom.” 

“You’re texting his mom? And you’re having doubts about your feelings for him?” 

“I never said I was having doubts about my feelings,” Carlos countered, “and it’s practical. He doesn’t get a lot of time to make calls so we keep each other updated when one of us hears from him.” 

“What does he have to say? Are they wrapping up?” 

“No,” Carlos said grimly, setting down his phone, “his dad is missing in action.” 

“What?”

“Apparently he was doing an aerial search and his helicopter went down, inside the active burn zone.”

“Shit.”

The two partners sat in silence for a few moments before Carlos finally asked the question echoing in his mind, “what are the chances TK doesn’t end up going after him, even though he was told to stand down?” 

“Little to none.” 

Carlos sighed, leaning forward and pinching the bridge of his nose, “that’s what I thought.” 

“Hey,” Mya said bracingly, leaning forward, “don’t forget what we just said. Your boy’s smart and good at what he does. And he has something pretty special to come home to. He’s not going to do anything stupid. Well, nothing really stupid,” she amended when Carlos gave her a skeptical look, “he’s going to be fine, and back before you know it.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Carlos replied quietly, “you have no idea how much I hope you’re right.” 

Mya gave him a sad smile, leaning across his desk to place a comforting hand on his arm, “Lucky for you, I usually am.”

Despite everything, he smiled, “Yeah,” he agreed, “you usually are.” 

“I am so glad to know you have finally admitted my brilliance,” she quipped with a grin, “but that also means you should believe me when I say that it’s going to be fine. You just need to believe in him, and trust him.”

Carlos was quiet again for a few moments before he responded, voice thick with emotion, “I do,” he told her, “I do believe in him and trust him. More than anyone else.” 

“Then all that’s left for you to do is wait, and be ready to be there for him when he gets home.” 

Carlos turned his head, glancing at the news coverage again. It still looked like hell on earth, and he still hated the thought of TK anywhere near it, but Mya was right. About so many things. He did love TK, and he intended to tell him. But that would have to wait for when he came home, and Carlos would be ready for him. For whatever he needed. 

“Thank you,” he told Mya, “really.” 

Mya smiled at him: a sweet and sincere thing. She rose from the chair beside his desk, squeezing his arm as she moved away, “Anything for you two. I’m rooting for you, you know. Can’t have my favorite couple falling apart on my watch.” 

“Are you shipping us?”

“Who isn’t?” 

With that, she turned to leave and Carlos called after her, “Just wait until you find that someone. I am never going to give you a moment of peace so you’ll know exactly how it feels.” 

“That is a risk I am willing to take,” Mya called over her shoulder. 

Carlos rolled his eyes at her, still smiling at her antics until his gaze caught the phone in his hand once again and he could feel the fear rise up again. He knew Mya was right, TK was good at what he did. That didn’t quell the fear; the enormous weight of knowing someone you loved was in need of help that you couldn’t provide. It made him feel helpless, and Carlos Reyes did not like feeling helpless. 

Mya was right about something else too, he thought as he put his phone down and forced his focus back to the task at hand. His boyfriend would come back home. And when he did, he would need someone to lean on. Carlos fully intended to be that something, but until then he just needed to trust TK. 

In so many ways trust and love were the same thing; so as long as he loved him, he could trust him too.  

[pinkbutterfly84]

Scorpion Season 2

Here we go season 2 and my personal favourite season.....

2.01 - there has been a break between episodes supposedly over the summer whilst Walter recuperate, Paige tries to improve the office, Cabe is working on a film, Sly tried to evolve, Tony was outdoors and Happy developed a paint gun

The question is have Happy and Toby been spending their time together they walk into the garage together??

No fratanisation at work...... but that doesn't mean out of work? Happy's look to Toby makes me think they see each other a lot out of work

Notice how each time they say no fratanisation 'at work' is always added

I love the way Toby's tone of voice changes when he is taling just to Happy or caring for her

Last scene they are off to Kavalskis together

Favourite quote- 'what do you see' 'a rare and delightful fungus' - this is a very Happy type compliment definitely there are still feelings there but she is still torn between wanting to move on with him and wanting to remain friends

Favourite scene- Toby taking care of Happy and her eye, his hand casually placed on her leg she once hated any form of contact now she didnt even flinch

2 02 - poor Toby obviously feeling the frustrations of being sidelined by Happy so he directs is attention onto poor Sly

The look Toby gives Happy when she said Orphanages suck a look of pure luck and he could help heal her wounds

First time Toby uses the nickname 'Hap' also the only person who calls her this

I love Dr Toby seeing him use his skills either medically or behavioral is when his character shines

Favourite quote- it's like jumping off a really high diving board going 100 miles an hour, exposure therapy

Favourite scene- not my favourite scene but definitely the cheesest was paige coming out the sea slow motion and Walter's face pure cheese

2.03 - this episode doesn't have much Quintis in it but I love Sly having an episode revolving around him he overcomes some fears and opens up to Megan

Ray is a very funny character 'the right way, the wrong way and the Ray way'

Poor Toby overhearing Happy's conversation thinking she is moving on meeting someone at a club he looks so hurt and Happy looks regretful that Toby overhead

How does Toby know Happy doesn't like to dance? Maybe suggested they go dancing together?? Happy's face when Toby actual fights back a bit at her half impressed half annoyed

Chet turning up at the end broke Toby's heart he needed to release some tension. Happy wanted him out of the garage so the team wouldn't know what they meet at the club to do

Favourite quote- Slyvester you and I are about to have a very uncomfortable conversation

Favourite scene- Toby talking g to Sly over the comms picking a fight in the jail yard

2.04 - Happy coming in with Chet either Happy is clueless on what effect this has on Toby or she is trying to make him jealous either way Happy is doing wrong this time

Starting to get some humour from Happy..... I wonder why!

I feel this is one of the first turning point episodes for Happy starting to acknowledge she doesn't need to be alone and there are people especially Toby who will stick with her and support her

Toby is so worried about Happy during this episode he even admits his love to her dad - good advice from him to let her come to him

Happy wants the list to go to Toby none of the others a subconscious decision that proves she relies on Toby

Happy acknowledges she is in denial!

The look she gives Toby over her dads shoulder what do you think she is thinking?

Favourite scene- Toby giving Happy the dolls house, he just wants to spend time with her even if friends

Favourite quote- I am surrounded by Robots!

2.05 - such a fun episode off set with the seriousness of Sly and Megan

Toby looks hot boxing 🔥🔥

Toby giving Happy a gift then saying there just friends - someone is in denial

Toby only worrying about Happy being in danger how does she not pick up on this?

Plus the minute she says she's stuck Toby is out the van to rescue her

Notice how they play dumb about knowing anything about Superfun guy yet in season 1 when Sly was in hospital they all sat and read the comics!

Toby saying no to hanging out with Happy must have been so hard for him but he obviously is feeling too much hurt not being with her but did she overhear him saying he was done with her, she wasn't far away, how would she have felt?

Question is the orange van the same as in the Cuba episode and the episode with Mya Hernandez??

Happy looks so impressed with Toby when he punches the guy, think she likes that he can be tough when needed

Favourite quote- with great responsibility comes great wedgie or dear diary it finally happened

Favourite scene- seeing the team dressed up nice to see the comedy side of the show

2.06 - part 1 of a double episode a really good episode showing Walter being taken advantage of and the guys all in danager

Toby trying the show his independence from Happy but taking it too far they work better together.

Toby looking fine in a suit!

Favourite quote- I kicked that habit cold Turkey, I need Happy like i need necrotizing fasciitis

Favourite scene- Happy creating a speaker and using it to put out a fire great mechanical engineering

2.07 Part 2 - Happy put her life in danger for the greater good in the sub but when Toby was in danger in the server room nothing else mattered but rescuing him

Toby will never know how much she fought to get him out

The look of pure fear and worry about Toby dying was excellent acting and showed such emotion and perhaps made her reevaluate her relationship with Toby

Happy was quite hostile towards Toby when he thanked her why was that? I think it was a defense mechanism he shield going up because she was scared to loose him

Favourite quote- with the clarity of one just risen from the dead, you're being a grade A tool

Except you cant unring a bell - Toby knows he cant easily get over his feekings

Favourite scene- Happy trying to get Toby out of the server room this first real sign that she really does have deep feelings for Toby

2.08 - Toby in the boxing ring he is trying to toughen up the ond thing Happy is known for iz being tough

Happy at the comedy club trying to be funny the one thing Toby is known for

I think there interests are a way to become closer to each other and understand each other

Mighty love oak - Toby finally realised if anything is going to happen he needs Happy to make the first move he has been as open as he can she needs to make the decision herself to get into a relationship with him

Favourite scene- Happy at the comedy club Slys reactions were so much funnier then the joles

favourite quote- this is nuttier then squirrel poop

Yes I know I drive crazy, just give me the keys

Suicidal genius says what now

2.09 - very sad to see the decline in Megan and what Sly is dealing with. How Walter deals with it is unfair to them both and quite selfish although I appreciate everyone handles these situations differently

Happy and Toby support Toby the only way they know bh giving him money.

Happy and Toby seem in sync in this episode just good friends with a deep connection

Toby is focusing his energy in predicting the future possibly to keep him distracted from Happy

In previous episode Toby has been seen with smart phones why all of a sudden is his phone old??

Favourite quote- dental hygiene is beautiful

Favourite scene- no real favourite scene but I do enjoy this episode the team hring scared of the unknown is hilarious

2.10 first time I watched this episode I was hooked and confused and loved the twist of Scorpion playing on Cromwell

Happy and Toby stood next to each other again mimicking each others postures

Walter finally accepting Megan's condition and her relationship with Sly is a heart warming moment and one of the few moments I like Walter

Favourite quote- are we heading to England for a spot of tea

Favourite scene- the team relaying how they duped Cromwell

2 11 - a really sad but beautiful episode with a touch of humour at the right times

Toby shines in this episode with his medical ability

Toby's face when Happy collapses and the lady is in labour his heart wants him to ho to Happy but he knows he must deliver a baby.

I would like to know what Happy thinks when she wakes and sees Toby?

Such a heart breaking scene 💔

Notice how Toby instinctively stays by Happy in the garage providing emotional support

Happy doesn't deal well with the situation so excuses herself to make the drinks

Favourite quote- i have super powers, I am bacteria man

Am I seriously the only doctor in the house

Favourite scene- the end scene with Megan's video and the team gathering to hear Walter's story a beautiful end to a touching storyline

2.12 - really liked this episode finally Happy giving into her feelings for Toby plus seeing them all dealing with their own issues from college gave some of the funniest moments of the season

Seeing cabe trying to talk wrestling was hilarious

She also admitted Toby was cute!

What Mavis said to Happy got her thinking she needs to let her shield down if she wants a Toby/ a family

Meeting Quincy Berkstead I don't think Toby's issue is him stealing Amy away it's a reminder of what a bad place he was back then and that Quincy was a better person than he seemed to be. Quincy said some things which hit close to home. Let's remember Toby is a doctor Quincy is just a psychologist!

Favourite quote- you were cute, what happened

Favourite scene- Happy and Toby dancing this showed real feelings from Happy she wanted to.do something nice for him when he obviously felt so down. I imagine that they all heard what Quincy said to Toby she she knows how it would of effected him

2.13 - quite possibly my favourite episode of the season maybe all 4 seasons

Happy seems uncharacteristically happy at the beginning embracing Christmas or looking forward to a possible future with Toby

Walter talking to himself, Megan's ashes in his car - Toby has his work cut out for him this episode

Sly talking about his love for Megan and not wasting time really gave Happy something to think about

Grandma got ran over by a reindeer! Supposedly some or all of this wasnt scripted just shows how amazing the actors are

The pure panic from Toby when Happy gets pulled under water shows his love and then change in his voice when talking to her is a beautiful moment

Favourite quote- at least we got a doctor in the house, who has 2 thumbs and rocked his GI rotation

'Quality kiss doc, good work' ' now that was a Christmas miracle

Favourite scene- the kiss! Need I say more you can even hear Happy hum during the kiss perfect chemistry

Toby waited so patiently and it paid off Happy came to him and initiated the next step

2.14 - perfect Quintis episode

Toby full of new year spirit wonder why??

Happy is also uncharacteristically Happy perhaps thet both had a good new year together.......

Happy trying to change be more positive maybe to help in a relationship with Toby, so much to surmise in this episode

The look happy gives Toby when he asks to make out is not a never gonna happen but a not now later look

Notice how when Happy is separated she repeatedly calls for Toby. Instinctively that's who she knows will rescue her

Toby is never seen as the brave one but when happy is in danger he is willing to risk his life

Near death has changed the dynamic between them. Happys dad points out she needs to find her Happy- then looks longingly at Toby

Question what everyone wants to know is what happens in the tent!

Favourite quote- who are you and what have you done with unhappy quinn

Favourite scene- Toby admitting he never thought he could die being so lucky with Happy in his arms

Such an honest and emotional scene excellent acting by #EddieKayeThomas

2.15 - poor Toby not feeling well love the thought of happy quickly scribbling down instructions for Ralph on how to look after Toby. Starting to show her feelings more openly

Paige and Walter singing was actually really good

Favourite quote- this is what I get for trying to help Walter date, influenza

Favourite scene- truth is I'm falling for the guy - finally Happy admits it then if only to Ralph - I do think Toby here her and probably calls her out on it later

2.16 - poor Walter trying to do something normal and it all goes to pot!

Toby and Happy going to Kavalskis under the pretense of taking the dish back..... sounds like a date to me that they dont want the others to know about, one of many over the course if the last few episodes I think

Favourite quote- that was a compliment knucklehead lob a little ear candy at her

You got sent to the senior section of speed dating and now your trying to Benjimen your Button

Holy ball boomerang Mericks back

I might only be a psychiatrist but they taught me at med school blowing people up is bad

Toby is on fire in this episode with his one liners - I wonder if all these jokes and sarcasm is because he is finally happy with Happy

Favourite scene- no favourite scene in this not much Quintis action but Toby was in fire in this episode great behaviourist skills and jokes

2 17 - love seeing the dynamic between Walter and Toby in this episode, seeing them in therapy is funny

Toby is definitely the more antagonist one is this episode he says its because he is happy with Happy I think he hates keeping secrets from his best friend and so he is distancing himself

Happy starting to side with Toby shows character growth

On a separate note I love Sly and Ralph's relationship in this episode they are a great duo

Favourite quote- hands at 10 and 2, check, seatbelt on, check, eyes firmly on the ramp in front of you, check, dont tell your mother, check

Favourite scene- the end scene Happy and Toby together at Toby's home confirmation the are together how long has this been going on is the question we all want to know

2.18 - Quintis is announced!

Walter being so upset is a bit strange surly he should be happy for his friends- maybe he's jealous he doesn't have what they have or maybe he is hiding something else........

Comparing to quintis to brangelina maybe not such a good comparison

Walter punishing Toby by making him stay behind is petty and not the first time he has tried

Toby is obviously very excited about his new relationship but suffocating Happy slightly

Walter giving them the ultimatum is uncalled for and Toby is not happy with him

First time we discover Happy's fear of blood, seeing Happy slightly off kilter and Toby supporting her is nice to see

Happy looks do happy when Toby says he is proud of her

Toby using his tone of voice he only uses with Happy, this is his caring soft voice

Oh Toby tracking Happys phone not a good idea I get why he did it and I think she does but not a wise move without talking it over first! I like how they experience normal bumps in the road in their relationship

Happy standing up to Walter was a big step and an important moment in showing she is all in and she looks so Happy when Walter says its ok

Favourite quote- for a million reasons the answer to that question is yes but believing in you the most incredible person I've ever know, no that does not make me crazy. You hear my voice now you hear how calm it is......

Favourite scene- Toby talking Happy through medical procedure

2.19 - Gambling addiction is a very sensitive topic which needs to be dealt with correctly

It is always alluded to Toby being addicted we are lead to believe over the past few years largely thanks to Happy it has gotten better but is obviously an issue for Happy

I dont buy that he gambles more cause he is happy but I'm no addication specialist

I think this shows real growth with Happy 1 year ago she would of just called it quits but now she raises her concerns which are genuine due to her childhood and Toby agrees to give up gambling for her - now that is true love

I feel Toby needed to hear this from Happy he had cut back a lot but the risk of losing Happy is too high and he knows he needs to stop

I think they really played into the gambling references this episode when usually it gets one or 2 mentions if that!

Favourite quote- 'that Pantera is the sexiest thing I've ever seen' 'second sexist'

Favourite scene- the end scene with Toby and Happy, Jadyn gives probably the best performance of the series so far so much emotion

2.20 - playful team is nice to see makes a pleasant change!

Toby shows his medical and behavioral knowledge off well In this episode

I really like that happy is comfortable in her relationship with Toby to show affection ftomt of the team by falling asleep and hugging her

Favourite quote- that guy doesn't respect the game

Well you make friends wherever we go

I know I'm the oh one wearing a hat, hold on to your hats I'm gonna profile the crap out of this guy

Favourite scene- the team waiting to see how Olivia gets on following her surgery

2.21 - so we meet interloper Tim, going to he controversial now but I quite like him.as a character!

Toby doing dares as a way dealing with giving up gambling - Happy should be supporting him not belittling him after all he gave it up for her

Toby compliments Happy and gets told off for doing it st work 1. He is allowed to shower her love and compliments at home 2. She turns her face and smiles secretly likes the compliment

Toby marking his territory with Happy when Tim talks to her its shows his jealous side

Happy chastise Toby for truth or dare he says he still needs to adrenaline rush so she kissee him and compares the adrenaline from the kiss to the gambling adrenaline. This shows how she must feel when she kisses him and is encouraging him to lean on her when he feels the need for the rush

I've also noticed that most kisses on screen she goes to him he also doesn't speak after the kiss until she does - shows he is learning from their first kiss

Favourite quote- 'just dance monkey', 'a 20 year old just called you monkey is life working out how you planned'

Favourite scene- happy kissing Toby on the piano

2.22 - this is a good episode considering it lacks in quintis moments - something which highlights the difficulties in gaining closure with missing military personnel

Oh no Toby lost his hat, I hope this isnt the one Happy bought him hopefully he keeps that safe at home!

Toby asking Happy if something were to happen to him would she move on, Happy saying no she wouldn't just shows her love for him.

Also theoretical marriage proposal and Toby asking Happy to think about it..... could a ring be on the cards although Happy's face is not convinced scares or hiding something

Favourite quote- dont use humour on a date because your not funny

Me and the hat are a package deal

Favourite scene- Toby asking Happy if he was missing would she move on

2.23 - not many quintis moments in this episode I start to look for the small moments in the background the looks std justices telling as the big scenes

Happy and Paige both outting Toby in his place when he makes a joke is funny

Funny how this time Happy doesn't have an issue with Toby crawling behind her in the tunnel

Toby has his arm around Happys shoulders swoon...

Happy puts her arm around Toby when they celebrate its these small things which show the couples development

Walter may diss Toby's skills but he does value and listen to them

Favourite quote- she is very much EQ for my IQ

Crazy man says what now

Favourite scene- Toby and Happy talking at the table playing cards - do I sense a proposal on it's way...... too soon surly they have only been together a few months???

2 24 - Toby Toby Toby winding up mark collins may prove to be a big mistake

Happy actually taking Toby's feelings into account doing a guessing game when Toby isn't around

Happy's jealous face when Toby said a show girl made him a man so sweet

Favourite quote- medically speaking hes nuttier then peanut brittle

I will always give you what you need whether it be emotional, spiritual or romantic so here it is sugar plum

Oh no Toby is in trouble what's going on......

Favourite scene- happy talking to Walter about Paige. This just shows the growth in her character willingly having a this conversation also picking up behavioural tips from Toby

2.25 - there is so much about this episode to write about from the kidnapping to the marriage proposal to the rejection.........

Happy comes in thinking the worst of Toby is he gambling lovd the fact she references the fact they text and meet outside of work - obviously they do but it's never referenced

The minute she hears Collins escapes she knows Toby is in danger and is worried

What is Sly hiding Happy knows he is and isn't Happy that Sly wont say anything

Seeing how worried Happy is, is a refreshing change from her normal closed off self. Her love for Toby really shows through in the episode

You can see Happy's frustrations Sly keeping a secret and Walter not giving up his researched

Happy's face when she thinks Toby is being electrocuted, she looks in pain telling Collins to stop the fear in her voice must be reassuring for Toby to know how much she loves him

Happy face when Collins outs the proposal, she blames herself for Toby getting snatched whilst picking up the phone, is there another feeling there aswell???

When Toby talks to Happy there is so much emotion in his voice saying goodbye, he uses that soft tone he saves just for Happy

Happy risking her life to save Toby shows her commitment to him

The first time I heard the proposal song I thought it was so cheesy but the more I watched the episode the more I realise it was perfectly Toby

Happy face when Toby is singing and proposing is the first sign of any guilt we have seen from her. She is obviously distraught that she has to say no and admit she is married to someone else. Utter heartbreaking scenes acted out superbly

Happy actually had tears in her eyes she must of been so devastated to have to had said no

Toby has never lost his ability to smile or joke but he looks completely heartbroken not only to have had his proposal turned down but to also find out the lovd of his life is already married. So much so he doesn't want to talk to anyone just hit the bottle.

Anyone notice how guilty Walter looks??

Favourite quote- hey is that hat wearing dipstick here

Its Toby Curtis, Doctor, Harvard trained. Were the smartest people in the world why is it so difficult to locate a 168lb wise ass

Favourite scene- there is no favourite scene I love this whole episode even Tody drowning his sorrows in tequila

Season overview - Sly has dealt with alot this season falling in love and then losing Megan he is now trying to look forward still keeping his love for Superfun Guy

Walter has had a few good moments this season mostly with Megan and he seems to deal well with kids. He is still obnoxious and struggles to communicate with people and says the wrong thing

I don't like the say Paige is going she is losing the qualities she was known for at the beginning kindness, compassion. I do like her relationship with Tim

Quintis- the start of the season started with them trying to get back to being friends and they had a few moments early on and then Happy merry Chet which made Toby jealous and he eventually realised that he needed to wait for Happy to come to him. A string of events finally broke down Happy's walls starting with her thinking Toby was going to die then Megan passed away, she met Mavis who encouraged her to lower her shield. Sly then told her to life in the moment and she finally kissed Toby from then things moved quickly secretly at first then in public before Toby gets kidnapped, proposes to Happy, gets rejected and finds out she's already married.

Questions are who is Happy married too?

Why didnt she tell Toby before? I think because she didnt want to ruin what they have and was scared to tell him and the more time passed the harder it got

How is Toby going to deal with this news?

Season 3 will certainly be interesting.......

[dollhospitaljournal]

The second part of our fifth and final issue is now here for you in hard copy form, with all sales going toward INQUEST and Trans Survivors Switchboard and we can't wait for you to see it! 🥰

To celebrate our final issue for the forseeable future we have put together a very special roundtable titled 'Survive the Night: An Endlessly Affirming Roundtable of Advice, Advocacy, Assertions and Aspirations for Storming Through Mental Health Struggles On Our Most Hopeless of Days'. And at 78 pages long, with 105 contributors, it turned out so big and beautiful that we had to release it as its own issue in and of itself! 📖

Featuring writing, artwork and more by awesome humans such as Vanessa Willoughby, James Gaunt, Tavi Gevinson, Rudy Loewe, Dior Vargas, Cindy L. Rodriguez, Khairani Barokka, Mya Carmichael, Alaina Leary, Imade Nibokun, Hannah Rose Ewens, Stefanie Kaufman, Kailey Flyte, Simone Lia, Zeba Talkhani and countless others! Lovingly designed in full colour, this very special roundtable issue is jam packed with soothing illustrations, thoughtful writing, colourful collages and real talk. We think it is beautiful, we think it is necessary, and we hope you do too.

Plus as an extra thank you, we are throwing in a digital copy of the bumper issue of Doll Hospital Issue Five! That includes the main part of our fifth issue which is not included in this print launch. Plus a whole bunch of spotify mixes of good vibe sounds!

All orders are shipped in a timely manner from Bristol, U.K (so if you're ordering from farther afield please allow it a little extra time to reach you!)

[gloomstudy]

Hi Katrina, I've been around your blog for about two years now and so happy to see you graduate! Congrats! I'm going to starting cc and was wondering since you did do an semester there what's your advice to make the most of it? I think I'm gong to go for two semesters and try to get my gen ed out of the way and try to apply to a nicer uni/it's well known, kind of afraid I won't be accepted but I want to try.

hello, lovely anon! thank you so much!!

my one semester in cc was a short time, but i tried my best to maintain a good relationship with my professors, fine-tune and keep up my study skills, have a good gpa, and make new friends! i’ve talked a bit more about my experience here.

my good pal mya @stillstudies has a post full of really great tips and advice for cc. go check it out!

please don’t worry about not being accepted into uni! as long as you do your best to keep up your grades and be well-rounded, everything will be alright, and at least one school will accept you!

hope this helps, and good luck!! ^_^

[godsheadangel]

A TRUE [REMINDER] TO ALL LIVING IN GODS CREATED WORLD🌍

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NO PATIENCE START VIDEO AT 1MIN 15SECS

👉BLESSINGS4 DR. MUMBI🔥

🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷🔷

👉THE TRUTH HURTS BUT IT STILL TRUTH!!!👉MANY OF YOU WHO DISLIKE THIS VIDEO OF TRUTH [WILL NOT BE] SEEING HEAVEN 👉ANYWAY!!! FOR NO ONE IS ABOVE MY👈👉REAL ANGELS😇ON EARTH IN [FLESH]👈

🙏IT IS THE SPIRITUALLY AWAKENED🌄🙏WHO SEE AND ACCEPT THE REAL TRUTH!!!

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥[ONE DAY I'M GOING TO LIST THE BULLSHIT] DONE TO ME AND MY SON IN THE CITY OF VAN NUYS BY YOU MANY DEMONS!!! 6+YRS

IT WILL BLOW YOUR FUCKING MINDS!!!!!!!!

MANY OF YOU DON'T KNOW THE REAL INFO

[SO, LOSE THE ATTITUDE] TRUST I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK PEOPLE!!! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M PREPARE TO RAISE MY HAND?

FUCK YOU AND YOUR ATTITUDE!!! I'VE DONE TOO MUCH FOR THIS CITY OVER THE YRS!!! 👉👉UNGRATEFUL MOTHERFUCKERS👈👈

👹BLAME THE 2 UPSTAIRS REAL DEMONS THATS WHO YOU SHOULD HAVE A MAJOR ATTITUDE WITH THEY FUCKED YOU GOOD!!! 👉THE CURSE 👁GOD💫HAS ON YOU👈IS BECAUSE OF THEM 2 DEMON FUCKS👹

NEXT UP NUMBERS 21, 22, 23, 24 AND 25!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡

👁GODSAYS💫A GREAT STORM VERY LOUD APPROACHES BRINGING A USUALLY LONG [LIGHTNING⚡STRIKE] THAT WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN BY MANKIND FOR AWHILE! THE VERY DARK COVERED SKY OF BLACKEN CLOUDS MANY WILL REMEMBER!!!

🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧⚡🌧

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 IT IS FAR TOO LATE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME YOU HAD YOUR [OPPORTUNITY] FOR MANY YEARS!!! 👉NOW, AS YOU [SEEK HELP] WITH [WHAT IS OWED YOU] FROM YOUR BELOVED ANCESTORS HUNDREDS OF YEARS OF FREE FORCED LABOR OR [FREEDOM JUSTICE] TO STAY IN THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITIES AND NOT BE FORCED INTO A COUNTRY YOU DO NOT KNOW BECAUSE OF YOU PARENT'S EFFORTS FOR A BETTER LIFE!!!

I WILL NOT HELP YOU!👈 YOUR EFFORTS TO GET [DUE FREEDOM] TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY NOT YOUR BIRTHPLACE OR [RIGHTLY OWED] PAYMENT FOR HARD WORK COMPLETED IN BUILDING AMERICA🇺🇸 IS UP TOO YOU!!!

ASSISTANCE FROM ME WILL NOT HAPPEN ONE DAY YOU WILL [BOW DOWN] AND TRULY APPRECIATE THE POWER OF WE, 👁GODS💫 ANGELS!!! STOP THINKING WE OWE YOU!!!!! 👉WE DON'T OWE YOU SHIT! UNDERSTAND!!

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FINALLY YOU!!! IT WAS SAID LONG, LONG AGO ["YOU SPEAK WITH FORK TONGUE"]🐍

YOU WILL SAY [ONE THING] AS TRUTH THEN IN [MERE SECONDS OR MINUTES] DO THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU SAID!

YOU HAVE SINCE YOUR BEGINNING TRULY 👉FUCKED OVER EVERY SKIN COLOR OF MAN 👁GOD💫HAS CREATED AS HUMANS

👉[IN THE COLDEST DEATH💀WINTER🌁]👈

📜YOU THOUGHT UP, SIGNED AND DID SO MAKE THEM BELIEVE YOUR HEART AND WORDS AS TRUTH📜AS THEY SIGNED🖋 A PEACE TREATY📜THAT INCLUDED HEAVY BLANKETS FOR THE COLD WINTER FREEZE

👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁

💥YOU BROKE YOUR WORDS AS USUAL💥 SENDING MANY WAGONS OF BLANKETS THAT WERE 💀[INFECTED WITH POLIO]💀 AND WAGONS OF BAD SPIRIT💫LIQUOR!!!

MANY MEN LOST THEIR LIVES BUT MOSTLY THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN!

💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀👁💀

YOU TRULY ARE SLITHERING, CUT THROAT, SHOOT'EM IN THE BACK TYPE OF BREED! FUNNY ACTING IN YOUR WAYS!!! YOU HAVE HUNTED EVERY ANIMAL UNTIL THEIR NEAR EXTINCTION💥🔫💥THEN YOU TURN RIGHT BACK AROUND AND TRY AND SAVE THEM LOOKING DOWN YOUR NOSES AT THOSE WHO WEAR ANIMAL SKIN!!!

[YOU HAVE BEEN PRIVILEGED] SO LONG YOU WILL DO OR SAY ANYTHING TO STAY ON WHAT YOU PERCEIVE AS [THE TOP]✔

[WHAT YOU FORK TONGUES] DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND IS YOU ARE ALRIGHT AT THE BOTTOM! YOU ARE THE NEW MINORITY ITS 👉JUST THAT YOU REFUSE THE TRUTH!!!👈

DOESN'T MATTER, YOU'RE THE VERY LAST TO AWAKEN🌄WORLDWIDE AND FOR YOU IT'S GOING TO BE A VERY RUDE AWAKENING ESPECIALLY THOSE IN THE GOP👹SENATE☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

👉THERE ARE NO PASSES INTO HEAVEN💫

👉FOR ANY OF YOU MENTIONED ABOVE👈

FOR IF YOU HAVE WENT AGAINST GOD💫AND US, SURELY YOU'VE BEEN JUDGED ALREADY!!! YOU SHALL NOT SEE HEAVEN💫👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁WHEN THE SHIT POPOFF LOOK ELSEWHERE TRUST WHEN THE BIGSIGN HIT ALL LIVING IN 👁GODS💫CREATED WORLD WILL SHAKE👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁

AWAKEN🌄AND FACE TRUE REALITY🌄

☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

AMAZON'S MERCHANTS ARE FEELING THE [PAIN💥] OF A TRADE WAR WITH CHINA🇨🇳 ~BLOOMBERG

APPLE, KEURIG DR. PEPPER, DOLLAR TREE, FITBIT AND MACY'S PRESS U.S.🇺🇸 TO DROP CHINA🇨🇳 PLAN! IT'S TIME DEMONTRUMP👹 COWARDLY BOWED DOWN TO CHINA🇨🇳

A GLOBAL ECONOMIC COLLAPSE IS REAL THE GLOBAL ECONOMIC SLOWDOWN IS HAPPENING NOW!!!

GODSAYS💫NO DEAL SHOULD BE MADE WITH A REAL CORRUPT DEMON👹IN FLESH WHO THE ENTIRE WORLD KNOWS AS RACIST PATHOLOGICAL LIAR!!!

BUT THE CHOICE IS PRESIDENT XI JINPINGS

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🌄AWAKEN NOW!!! 👉SEE ON YOUTUBE👈

HOW THE RICH GET RICHER- MONEY IN THE WORLD ECONOMY BY DW DOCUMENTARY!!!

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 WEDNESDAY JUNE 26TH 2019 0220 HRS PST

GODSAYS💫THE DEMON👹MNUCHIN👹IS A LIAR WHO SEEKS TO STABLE INVESTORS ON WALL STREET!!! ONLY SILLY FOOLS WOULD INVEST ON HIS WORDS!!!

FOR THE CHINESE IN HOLY💫SPIRIT DO SAY MUCH DIFFERENT AS THEY SPEAK WITH ME THY, LIVING 👁GOD💫FOR IT IS TRUTH THAT ☀SILENCE IS GOLDEN☀SOMETHING THE

👉[EVIL👹LYING👹DEMON👹MNUCHIN]👈 💥💥💥KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT!!!💥💥💥

ONLY FOOLS RUSH IN WERE EVEN ANGELS SEEK ADVICE FROM 👁GOD💫TO ENTER!!!

THE SPIRIT IS MIGHTIER THAN THE [FLESH] 👉THERE IS NO DEAL👈 AS OF YET AND NOT 💥EVEN CLOSE TO 10%💥

ONLY THE LYING DEMON👹FALLING ON THE SWORD FOR HIS EVIL👹MASTER👹

💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵

INVEST AND LOSE YOUR MONEY💵FOOLS ON THE PURE LIES AND SPECULATION OF HIM!!! YOU'LL BE SORRY WITH BIG LOSES!!!! 💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵

FOR SURELY PRESIDENT XI JINPING🇨🇳 HAS NO IDEA OF WHAT HE WILL DO UNTIL I DO SO ADVICE HIM! THEN THE DECISION IS HIS ALONE! BUT THERE IS NOTHING EVEN CLOSE TO 10% JUST MORE EVIL👹 LIES FROM THE EVIL👹DEMON ADMINISTRATION🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

THE SPIRIT IS MIGHTIER THAN ANY FLESH DO NOT BELIEVE THE EVIL LYING MOUTHS OF DEMONS👹IN FLESH WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE G-20 SUMMIT!!! WISDOMTRUTH!!!

HANG SENG CLOSED AT ONLY +36!!! THINK!!! ☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸BLESSINGS4 CNN'S CHRIS CUOMO💫 FOR ADDRESSING THE HIGH RATE OF VETERANS SUICIDE!!!

BLESSINGS4 MATT MILLER💫 VETERAN AND DIRECTOR OF VETERANS CRISIS LINE

BLESSINGS4 DR. SANJAY GUPTA💫

BLESSINGS4 THE DIRECTOR OF COLUMBIA LIGHTHOUSE PROJECT🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏KELLY POSNER GERSTENHABER🔥

BLESSINGS4 DON LEMON💫

22 VETERANS PER DAY TAKE THEIR LIVES IF YOU FEEL YOURSELF OR SOMEONE AT RISK RECEIVE NEEDED HELP 1-800-273-TALK!

👉THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR POWERFUL PERSONAL TESTIMONY CHRIS💫

🙏THE MESSAGE IS TREATMENT HELPS🙏

YES, I'M WATCHING THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL🇺🇸 DEBATE!

[101itm]

An Update...And a Message.

I know, I know. It’s been a while, I’m sorry! It’s been a busy and stressful couple of months. It didn’t occur to me how difficult my first year of college would be. My first semester was a mess, my anxiety was all over the place. It’s taken several months, I think since November, to finally feel...”normal.” Or at least as normal as I’ve ever felt. I’ve been on several different medications in the past few months. One of them made me angry all the time, one of them made me fall asleep, one of them made me shake chronically. I’ve finally found one that actually works, and I feel so good. I feel like how I assume people without mental illness usually feel.

Of course, I still have my moments. In an incredibly stressful situation in an organization I’m apart of, certain individuals were barraging myself and some other members of my team. This went on for two hours, and eventually these individuals triggered an anxiety attack. Considering the medicine I’m on works so well, it takes a lot to get me that worked up, but these individuals managed to do that and one of them even smiled upon noticing what they did to me.

It occurred to me that, of course, I could make this situation an example. I could approach student disability services and ask them for advice, I could hold the entire organization accountable for these individuals actions, I could approach my student newspaper about this. However, part of me knows that this would do nothing but torture people who had nothing to do with this situation. Still, people need to understand that inducing an anxiety attack is not under any circumstances “okay.” Some day those of us with mental illness will be able to take action against people who, in some cases, purposefully aggravate our mental illness. Unfortunately, today nothing can be done. I will still make sure to educate people on the importance of maintaining a professional, calm, and level-headed demeanor, especially within such an important organization at the school I attend. I will make sure that this cannot happen again. People should not act so unprofessionally that they induce an anxiety attack or aggravate my mental illness. I refuse to let these people have power over me simply because my biology is different from their own.

I refuse to let certain individuals tear me down, and I refuse to let my mental illness make me vulnerable to these types of situations.

If those individuals are reading this post, I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you act in such a way—however you must understand how seriously your behavior affected me, and how seriously unprofessional that was of you. I do not blame you for being so upset, not a single person in that room was happy at all, nor should they have been. And you may have been happy that you got to me, that you exploited my biology to break me. But I want you to know you broke me for a day, not a lifetime. I’ve had this disease since I was a child, I’ve been through worse. I’ve just never had someone, in what is supposed to be a professional setting, manage to induce an anxiety attack. You seemed proud to have been able to do that, so sure, applaud yourself. Pat yourself on the back. It is only a reflection of yourself.

Also, thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

Back to the post—I will be posting regularly all summer and I can’t wait to have something to look forward to every week. I love this blog, and many of you reached out to me personally for help with your own mental illnesses. I appreciate that, and to those of you who feel like you should reach out to somebody about it, I would be honored to be that person. I won’t try to diagnose you, as I’m obviously not any type of professional. However, I’ve been where you are. I’ve been unsure about what’s wrong with me, and I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it without being judged. You can talk to me, and I promise to have an open mind and help you in any way possible. I promise you are not in this alone. You may feel broken today, but you are not broken forever. Trust me when I say that it does get better.

Despite what happened the other day, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I’m content with my life. A year ago today I was in the deepest depression of my life. I survived, and today I’m the happiest I’ve been in my entire life. Your situation will change, and I’ll be glad to help you.

If you need to talk, email me at mjhorak17@gmail.com or message me on instagram @mya.horak

I don’t keep notifications on for instagram, which I’ve mentioned before on this blog (because social media is terrible for your mental health). However, I promise to check instagram every day for those of you who feel the need to reach out.

It gets better, I promise.

-Mya