#thanks for blessing me with another hyperfixation

[gayorphandepression]

so i started watching lab rats,

[diathadevil]

Listen I’ll be back to my regularly scheduled programs with shoujo fan arts and (hopefully) some art fight art this month.

But for now, the green Finnish rapper man from Vantaa has taken over my hamster wheel of a brain.

[rigormortissettingin]

how to get perfect grades from a short attention span girlie that nobody asked for

when you get home from school, rewrite all your notes from all the important classes that day (if you’re a british slag like me then just do all your gcse subjects)

learn how to do deep work: work for a really long period of time with barely any breaks where you don’t get distracted and get shit done — having noice cancelling headphones whilst listening to white noise etc works best for me

don’t let anything distract you, put your phone away in another room, etc

if you can’t concentrate, before your revision sesh, stare at a still object for 1 min to help with your focus

have a schedule/a weekly routine!!! i know you’re lazy and have been avoiding making one so here’s my routine: on school days I rewrite all my notes from the classes (that you care about) that day and do some homework then leave the rest for the weekends

mindset is EVERYTHING. be positive about everything in your life and stop being a pessimistic bitch. everything will be okay. jeez.

for music, find a few white noise/focus music playlists and listen to them with noise cancelling headphones for most intense focus (linking my fav spotify playlists below)

write everything out by hand. don’t be lazy you dumb fucker and type everything up on quizlet. quizlet is bullshit and you know it. it’s been scientifically proven that writing things out help you remember them better

go over things early in the morning and late at night (quickly proven to stick in your brain more)

find what works best for you. find your perfect environment, music, time of day to revise, method etc. i work best in my room after 4 pm by using flash cards I have written out by hand

don’t let food distract you!!! if you have snacks nearby but you’re eating them instead of working then put them away

have an app for revision. study bunny if my favourite one it’s so cute but it doesn’t distract me

holidays are a blessing. dedicate some time every day in the holidays for revision, even if it’s not a lot

have a good balance between school and other hobbies. i would say have a good social life but i honestly don’t think having one is that important. or at least it’s not important to me, but if you want a good social life then go for it

have goals for the future, like if you want to go to uni and where you want to go if you do, what field you want to specialise in, etc and work towards them

if you want to exceed in school then you have to make revision and academic excellence your coping mechanism or a safe haven to calm you down

reading books, especially literature helps so much with everything. not just your vocabulary but it also helps your understanding of the world and helps you see everything in a different light. and don’t give me that “but i do read” bullshit because tiktok smut twisted love twisted hate icebreaker all that crap that you’re not even old enough to read don’t count. my fav books if you need any recs: the virgin suicides (not literature, just well-written), the secret history (not literature, just well-written), girl, interrupted (again, well written but not literature), crime and punishment, carmilla, dracula, alice in wonderland, emma, pride and prejudice, sense and sensibility, much ado about nothing, a midsummer nights dream, rebecca, the outsiders, little, women and loads more

delete social media if it worsens your mental health or your grades. deleting tiktok has been the best decision of my entire life, i was so unhappy for so long because endlessly scrolling was a coping mechanism but now im actually happy for once in my life and my grades are quite good

pray like you didn’t revise and revise like you didn’t pray

i have to have a number 20 because odd numbers besides 13 and 7 annoy me

thank you

[spookymonth--man]

DO NOT ASK FOR MONEY. I WILL SIMPLY DELETE THE ASKS + BLOCK YOU.

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INTRO!! (I needed a proper one.)

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ᴀᴍ ɪ ᴀ ᴛᴏʏ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ?

ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴀ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ

ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴛʜʀᴏᴡ ᴀᴡᴀʏ

ɪ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴀꜱᴋᴇᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜɪꜱ

ɪ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴅɪᴅ ᴍʏ ʙᴇꜱᴛ

ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴀ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴍᴇꜱꜱ

ɴᴏᴡ ɪ’ᴍ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ

ɪᴛ’ꜱ ᴀʟᴍᴏꜱᴛ ᴛᴏᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ

ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴀ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ’ꜱ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ

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Hello, my name is Avery ((or Donnie. Or Starz. Or Confetti. Or Donry. Or Partyguy. Or Cone (my friend called me a traffic cone LMAO). Or Steven (stealing names from my fave characters!!). Or Ruby (only on the occasion) Or Star. Or Bud. Or Veneer (my friend ALSO calls me this). ...Or Moon! Any of these work!))

My pronouns are He/They, along with some neopronouns and xenopronouns!! (Xe/Xem, Zey/Zem, Star/Stars/Starself, Byte/Bytes/Byteself, and Tech/Techs/Techself)

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I am a multifandom, and am currently hyperfixated on the following:

Trolls (movies), Dandy's World, FNAF, Smiling Critters, Smiling Friends, Lego Monkie Kid, Slimecicle, Quackity, Heathers, Invader Zim, TMNT, Gravity Falls, Minecraft, Animal Crossing, and more! (the list will be updated later)

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God has let me live another year and I'm gonna make it everyone's problem!

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My straw.page!!

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My silly friend, you should totally follow and interact with: @sir-qwillian-ferne

Soup's Adoptive Dad(™/j): @williamfnafton

Our lovely aunt!: @i-bless-your-heart/@juliasreblogs

Jazzy (im gonna crumple you/j): @jazzythejazzles

Friend!!: @url0calcrvckhead

Apparently my fucking child???: @beebisbeeble

Special little friend: @grcklebdrckle

Mutual i convinced to join Tumblr >:3: @oozesquito

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ɪ’ᴍ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴀ ᴛᴏʏ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴀ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴀɴᴅ

ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴛʜʀᴏᴡ ᴀᴡᴀʏ

ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴀ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ’ꜱ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ, ʙᴜᴛ

ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ

ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴀ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ’ꜱ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ, ʙᴜᴛ

ɪ’ᴍ ᴏʙꜱᴏʟᴇᴛᴇ

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INTERACT! :

Neurodivergent

Into any of my listed fandoms!!

Juggalos (i luv you guys sm man/p)

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Meh...:

NSFW accounts (I'm hypersexual.)

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Do NOT interact. :

Pedophilia

Zoophilia

Necrophilia

MAPsexuals or anything similar

Neo/xenopronoun haters

People who want to unnecessarily sexualize me/others

Incest shippers (YES THIS INCLUDES T-CEST)

Proshippers/Comshippers

1 man 1 jar + anything similar.

Terfs, radfems, and anything else

Endo systems??? Genuinely so confused on this one. Just dni for now. Don't follow. Don't nothing.

SYSTEM FAKERS??? IM NOT A SYSTEM. I DONT THINK SO ANYWAY? BUT UH. PLEASE DNI.

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Thank you for reading. Have fun interacting, and hey! Don't be afraid to send in asks!! The box is always open!!

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I got rid of the tag section i don't USE THEM ANYMORE

This is the character section now 😌

Chip

Cecil

Sylvester (Syl)

Donnie

Avery

Solace

Soup

Mod will just. Post in whatever they please.

NOT A SYSTEM THESE ARE FOR ROLEPLAY OKAY

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ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ꜱᴛʀᴏɴɢ

ɪ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴅɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ

ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ᴍᴇ ᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴀʟᴏɴɢ

ɪᴛ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴇ

ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴜᴄʜ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴛᴇᴀᴍ

ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴏᴡ ɪ’ᴍ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴜʟᴇᴠᴀʀᴅ ᴏꜰ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ꜱᴄʀᴇᴇɴꜱ

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Blinkies i customized myself using Blinkies.cafe !!

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Song: I Need A Human's Touch - TWRP, McKenna Rae

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[gallawitchxx]

weekly tag wednesday thursday <3

omg how is it wednesday thursday again already?! where has this week gone? i've basically been MIA here since the last one lol so thank you to @jrooc @creepkinginc @energievie @deedala @gardenerian

@blue-disco-lights @sgtmickeyslaughter @vintagelacerosette for the tags! i love you all! i love this place! i'm so happy we get to scream about it today!

- - - - OKAY LET'S GET INTO IT - - - -

how did you get into the fandom? i fully fell into gallavich in the spring of 2021 & starting shoving fics in my face faster than ian & mickey took their clothes off when ian went to get the gun back, mickey. then i started noticing that people were linking their tumblrs in the end notes & so i lurked suuuper hard through the summer until i finally made my own blog!

how long have you been here? almost three glorious years <3

what’s the first fandom channel you found? (Youtube, Reddit, Tumblr, Insta, Twitter, FB, other?) i suppose youtube is correct because i watched a bunch of edits that really cemented my obsession, but tumblr was the first place i interacted with fandom friends :)

what’s your favourite now? i'm a tumblrina for life!

which mutual have you known the longest in the fandom? this will always make me so fucking emotional -- my first mutual was @metalheadmickey & now i've been to their wedding *sobs forever*

which tumblerino’s did you have your first fandom crush(es) on and wanted to get to know? oooohalskfj this is a hard one! there have been so many! when i first showed up, i started collecting beloved mutuals like pokemon... but to steal from mel, there was a real HUZZAH moment around getting a message from @whatwouldmickeydo & now i'm gonna go to their wedding *continues sobbing forever*

first Gallavich fan fic you read (or that blew you away that you remember) the holy trinity of my early fandom days were absolutely like real people do by grayola, restoration by @palepinkgoat & the increasingly poor decisions of ian gallagher by @goodkwuestion

first fan art that blew your mind? yooo we are so blessed around these parts & at the beginning it was another trilogy lol - @steorie @psychicskulldamage & @darthvaders-wife

fanfic trope that you were sure wasn’t for you but now you low key (or high key) love? a/b/o! truly shocking to discover & then love & then WRITE A WHOLE MULTI-CHAP FIC OF

What surprised you most about this fandom? omg how smushy soft everyone is! halskfjalfj - like, it's a pretty hard show to watch at times & the characters are all so messy & not saying we have it altogether over here or anything, but everyone's just a kind little marshmallow! :)

moment in the show (or YT vids if you’re one of those) that you fell in hyperfixation with Gallavich? the first one was probably s3 "not everybody gets to blurt out how they fucking feel every minute!" because i was like, OHHH OH THIS IS GONNA HURT ME & then it just kept getting worse....

Ian or Mickey? mickey baby ily so much. but to echo others, they really are two halves of the same brain cell & they've fought so hard to be together. so idk how you choose!

Which Gallagher or Milkovich are you? jeeeez, maybe fiona? lip? liam? hahaha probably none of them tbh, but i love 'em like family!

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tagging @thisdivorce @rereadanon @sickness-health-all-that-shit @crossmydna & @heymrspatel if you wanna play! if not, i'm smooching you on your nose <3

[sepublic]

Alice in New Vestroia AU

            So I’ve been getting back into my age-old hyperfixation of Bakugan (both the show and toys from the legacy series) and realizing how much of a formative impact it all had on me, but also. As I revisit the original show, I’m getting the idea for an AU centered around Alice Gehabich, because they really did this girl dirty even though she’s literally Masquerade and has ‘his’ blessing (Seriously, disrespecting Alice is disrespecting Masquerade, you have to respect BOTH).

         AU where Alice is the main protagonist of New Vestroia, as part of this larger AU I have in mind where each story arc centers around another one of the original six brawlers, who gets a turn in the spotlight. Part of Alice’s arc in NV is self-actualizing as a less douchey Masquerade, and who’s her Guardian Bakugan if Hydranoid is bronzed?

         Why, it’s Reaper! Freed from the Doom Dimension thanks to the Legendary Soldiers of Vestroia. I feel bad for the dude and as others have suggested, Alice using Reaper in NV to free Hydranoid, the one who replaced him… Lots of delicious drama from that. I imagine that because it’s a toyline, Reaper has a new form/appearance thanks to his time in the Doom Dimension, for the same Doylist reason that Drago always has a new evolution, because you can’t reuse the same old toys from last year! Yuck!

         Not sure what it looks like (but there’s at least canon basis for the Doom Dimension to have changed Reaper’s look), but regardless he ends up with Alice again. There’s lots of mixed feelings, Alice is happy to be back with Reaper and hopes to make amends with him, confronting her past as Masquerade and any lingering guilt she might still hold. In general, a lot of NV has to deal with guilt and accountability when it comes to Alice and the characters she’s connected to…

         Reaper acts like it’s fine, he doesn’t care when he realizes his mission entails rescuing Hydranoid. But then in comes Alice’s first battle with Shadow Prove, in which Hades is revealed; The replacement to the Bakugan who replaced Reaper! And suddenly, in the heat of battle, Reaper’s true feelings emerge as he vents and projects and takes out a LOT of rage on poor Hades. Screaming and yelling at Hades, who he initially mistakes for Hydranoid, if he’s still inferior when he’s the one beating him this time, beating the ‘superior’ Hydranoid. Finding a cruel and bitter irony, that Hydranoid ended up being replaced himself, anyway.

         Alice is no fool and can tell Reaper is treating Hades as a personal punching bag substitute for the real deal, so after they leave a traumatized Shadow Prove in the dust, Alice sits down to talk with Reaper about his feelings. Reaper is fairly shocked to see such a vulnerable and soft side to Masquerade, since that kind of thing was never encouraged the last time they were partners. So we have Reaper gradually learning to come out of his shell, and accept his own vulnerabilities.

         Alice does get into a battle with Shadow Prove, two fellow Darkus brawlers; But otherwise, it’s clear she outclasses him, and despite Shadow Prove’s attempts to set himself up as a rival with their shared attributes and Hades as a doppelganger, Alice leaves him behind for her allies to deal with instead. No, Alice’s REAL rival… is none other than Spectra Phantom, of course!

         Because now the roles are reversed; You have the Darkus protagonist, up against a Pyrus antagonist. We have Helios, who is alluded to have a bit of an underdog story, who felt the need to become stronger just so he could match Bakugan like Hydranoid or Drago. So in a way, him and Spectra are a dark version of Dan and Drago, but they’re also still a dark reflection of Masquerade as well, because Alice definitely notices the similarities. Spectra being a carbon copy of Masquerade is now a meaningful narrative choice.

         Confronting Spectra Phantom for Alice is like confronting her past self as Masquerade, the toxic desire for power at the cost of all others. And as Alice grapples with her guilt for what she did, with Reaper being a blatant reminder, she kinda projects onto Spectra a little; Sees the similarities. Alice only has her grandfather but nobody else who could share in that same trauma of becoming a villainous alter-ego, so Alice wishfully assumes Spectra to be the same case, and Mira’s side of the story doesn’t help her perception either.

         So Alice tries to reach out to Spectra, thinks he’s also misunderstood and struggling as she did with Masquerade. And a confused Spectra quickly takes it in stride, and… takes advantage of Alice’s sympathy for his own ends. Eventually, it backfires as it becomes apparent that really is no difference between Keith Fermin and Spectra Phantom; Keith 100% chose of his own volition to pursue evil science and the torture of Bakugan for power. It was all him, there is no tragic accident or backstory.

         And Alice feels hurt and betrayed, because she really wanted someone she could’ve shared in that type of trauma with. And rebuked, Alice goes cold, she starts building up walls and decides that gentle compassion of hers was a mistake. And this is when Alice REALLY starts to emulate Masquerade, worst parts included… This is of course reflected in a design update.

         S1 gave us Alice accepting Masquerade as a part of herself, but what if S2 explored an inverse of that idea, of Masquerade accepting Alice as a part of herself? Alice starts to loathe and detest her former, softer self, whom she deep-down despises for being too weak, too much of a pushover, to do anything. Alice becomes unkind towards that side of herself, and overcompensates by embracing the crueler side to Masquerade, thinking her worth/growth lies in that aspect alone. We once again see the Masquerade who angrily bristles when Exedra examines his motives, as we get some déjà vu and realize how he was a sped-up endpoint for Alice’s insecurity; Masquerade really IS just Alice, who became fed up and disgusted with everyone but especially herself.

         This of course concerns Reaper, who’s also beginning to recognize something familiar and finds it foreboding. And so Alice’s arc comes from accepting that not only is she Masquerade, but she’s still Alice too; And that softer, kinder person is by no means an ‘inferior’ version of Masquerade. Both sides, both aspects to her identity, have their strengths and weaknesses, and do best when reconciled together. Alice learns to forgive her past self, not just Masquerade but the identity of ‘Alice’, for being meek; It’s self-love for the person you used to be.

         I imagine the posthumous discovery of Lync’s redemption influences that realization; Alice inferring from his glove that her compassion DID have an impact on Lync, that it wasn’t wasted. Showing kindness to others was never a mistake, and if Alice keeps trying, it eventually does pay off, even if there are those who might take it for granted. So Alice accepts that she’ll always still have some weakness, some vulnerability, and need to ask for help; And that’s okay!!! No shame in that whatsoever.

         Alice forgiving her own shortcomings helps her reconcile with Reaper; Reaper also learns to forgive himself for not being the strongest Bakugan, for having been replaced by Hydranoid for this. Because his self-worth and dignity are not tied to whether he can beat others up, it’s inherent, and Reaper fighting for the rights of Bakugan in New Vestroia is him fighting for his own worth at the same time, in a roundabout sense.

         Speaking of, this gets me back to Hydranoid; Him and Alice’s reunion mid-way through NV is going to be awkward with Reaper there. Remember that episode of Skyress being uncharacteristically harsh towards Ingram, assuming herself better, only for him to step up when she fails, all as a way to push forward the new product over last year’s? That doesn’t make sense for her, but you know which Bakugan of the original six it would make sense for? Hydranoid! Because it tracks that Hydranoid hasn’t completely let go of the toxic arrogance he had under Masquerade, the Might makes Right mentality.

         To him, Reaper is still that inferior Bakugan who wasn’t good enough for his Alice, so Hydranoid got rid of him. He’s being territorial, trying to defend his place alongside Alice now that Reaper has returned, and also ‘redeem’ himself for being captured by the Vexos. While Reaper’s dignity is not dependent on whether he can beat Hydranoid, I think it’s still a nice treat for Reaper, and a necessary wake-up call for Hydranoid, for Reaper to be the one who saves him after all, this time.

         So now we have Hydranoid coming to terms with HIS own weakness and failure, that sort of thing. If Marucho can have two talking Guardian Bakugan, one returning from S1 while the other is new with S2, so can Alice! Also, I guess this means we have an arc where Spectra captures Reaper, and Alice has to team up with Exedra to rescue him…

         I should add; One of the first battles Hydranoid has after reuniting with Alice? It’s him finally measuring up in-person against Hades, and just like in canon, it ends with his mechanical replacement obliterated in a single shot. After surviving previous losses with other opponents, Hades crumples in its first battle with the real deal, opening up for MAC Spider to take over. And, since Alice’s battle here isn’t as important (since she’s already garnered plenty of wins beforehand in NV as the protagonist), I guess we can have Hydranoid be defeated by MAC Spider, and perhaps this is the incident in which Reaper steps up to save him! Either way, Alice wins the overall battle, as she should.

         This also gets me back to Spectra Phantom and Helios, who themselves are dark reflections of Alice/Masquerade. They’re both motivated to become stronger, and from what I understand, in canon Spectra heads over to the good side after being shown that the Power of Friendship really is the best way to become powerful.

         So in other words, his redemption is arguably not altruistic; It’s merely Spectra being offered a legitimate option and taking it. He’s embracing the side of good because he expects a reward for it, that being a strengthened bond between him and Helios that will enable them to access that elusive Power of Friendship. And I think we could really work with this by exploring some proper tension with Spectra as an ally now, given his motives to become one.

         Pragmatically speaking, it’s better for the world if Spectra is with them, not against them. But as our protagonists interact with him, again, it becomes clear that Spectra is treating his ‘redemption’ as some sort of transaction, a different type of grab for power. So part of his storyline is being exposed to enough kindness and compassion that he realizes he should appreciate it for its own sake, not for the practical benefits it might bring.

         Hydranoid is of course super salty towards Spectra; He participated in his torture. Likewise, it’s this fact that added an additional personal layer between Alice and Spectra’s conflict. Hydranoid demands how they could possibly forgive Spectra for all the wrong he’s committed, but then Reaper cheekily asks the same of Hydranoid himself; Hydranoid was no saint, he sent many Bakugan to the Doom Dimension, as did Reaper.

         So they have no place to talk, Reaper figures, so he’s a bit more at peace with this. Reaper likes being given a chance to work on himself and change for the better, so he’s willing to grant that to others, becoming more compassionate. And keep in mind, he was temporarily under Spectra’s control before Alice and Exedra saved him, so Reaper has some stake too!

         As our protagonists learn to interact with Spectra in a non-adversarial setting, we see Reaper and Hydranoid reach out to Helios, and help Helios come to terms with his own vulnerability and shortcomings, and thus become less toxically obsessed with becoming stronger to compensate. Helios is less punishing of himself, and thus less reliant on becoming a cyborg, which could be seen as symbolic of self-harm in a sense; This culminates in Mechtanium Surge, in which Helios seems more organic since his redemption!

         Likewise, there is SO much awkwardness between Alice and Spectra. Alice is rightfully mad at him for… basically everything, though she does concede, when Spectra brings it up, that she did kinda assume and project a lot of stuff onto him. Spectra still took advantage of it, but Alice was the one who showed up out of nowhere and insisted they were parallels. Reflecting on her own past and motives, Alice explores Spectra’s reason to seek power, and perhaps a loneliness/inadequacy he also struggles with. He’s a lot less of a Poor Meow-Meow compared to Alice regarding their ‘origin’ stories, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t anything there, whatsoever.

         And as I said, Spectra learns to appreciate compassion for its own sake, and not as a roundabout means of becoming stronger. He sees that Alice’s kindness is a strength in its own right, that continuing to be hopeful and compassionate even in the face of adversity is not foolishness, but true perseverance. Spectra gains a new appreciation for Alice, and also begins to take accountability for his own actions, working to undo the harm he inflicted. What started off as basically a professional alliance becomes personal and meaningful to him, now.

         Alice still has to maintain boundaries around Spectra, who also learns to navigate and respect the distrust that others, especially Hydranoid, still have towards him. And this goes hand-in-hand with his reconciliation with Mira, who probably becomes more aware and accepting of Keith’s flaws, and condemning of them; Meaning Keith really does have to earn back her trust and approval this time. Neither Alice nor Keith feel entitled to forgiveness, but that doesn’t stop them from focusing on just doing actual good for the world regardless. Keith learns to stop hiding behind a mask, and also open up, as Helios and Alice and others do.

         That’s the general gist of Alice’s storyline here; Her grappling with her past self as Masquerade, with the guilt of what she did as him. Exploring and bridging the apparent gap between these two identities. There’s a bit of gender discussion in Alice accepting the ‘feminine’ aspect of herself, the soft and kind person, as being just as strong and meaningful as the more aggressive and masculine Masquerade, whom she may have subconsciously embraced out of internalized misogyny (while also still allowing herself to defy gender expectations). 

        Alice has become stronger, but she also learns to forgive and appreciate her ‘weaker’ past self who got her there, as Masquerade forgives the vulnerability of others. Progress is progress, be it learning to stand up for who you are, or make up for the harm you’ve caused. Forgiveness is the major theme, not just by Alice towards her own sins as Masquerade, but her supposed shortcomings as Alice herself. She’ll move on, but not deny one part to embrace another.

[skye707]

thanks to your blog i fell in love with YJ riddler (big time, he's my baby), so i opened character.ai in search of his bot and.. couldn't find anything. so i just created one. that made me thinking, what are riddlers' thoughts on chr.ai and ais in general?

(sending all my love to you and your golden brain and hands; big big fan of your blog, hyperfixation level of fan 🩵)

Firstly, thank you for the blessing upon my brain and hands. I’m finding myself in need of it more with each passing day 💙

Now, on to the Riddlers

Unburied - To him, AI is just another tool to be used on the computer. Doesn’t take it very seriously, so I think he’d be the one out of the group to make chr.ai of everyone else without telling them.

ZY - Cool, now his little drones can pinpoint targets with even higher degrees of accuracy! And maybe he can get them to start speaking in riddles as well? Whichever he decides to do first, he’s having a ball.

Dano - He likes AI for recreational purposes, but not to be used in his riddles and traps. That takes all the fun out of designing and making a puzzle! But I think he likes to chat with character ai (which ones, I’ll let you decide).

YJ - Ohhhh, that’s pretty cool. But also pretty spooky. He should know better what with being the strategist computer guy, but he can’t help the feeling he’s seen this somewhere in a tv show before. And it didn’t end well there.

Gotham - He’d find a way to break it. Not just on accident. Eventually, he’d be determined to find a flaw in the algorithm. He’d spend days and days pinpointing the program’s weaknesses. He refuses to be bested by a robot any time soon.

BTAA - He’s incorporating AI into everything he can, even when it doesn’t make sense. Coffee maker AI, washing machine AI, microwave AI, etc. It’s now his new favorite advancement in technology.

Arkham - He has gifted artificial intelligence to every single one of his robot children including the roombas. They can now do the one thing he’s always wanted: praise him for his Herculean feats of engineering prowess.

BTAS - At first, he thinks it’s pretty cool, but the more he starts to get into it the more he realizes how powerful it is. And just like that, he’s never trusting another AI for as long as he lives. They’re not getting his data and secrets, no sir. Not the Riddler.

Telltale - A younger him would have been ecstatic to incorporate this tech into his latest scene or trap. Now, he’s just waiting for the idiot that gave computers a mind of their own to realize that they’ve released a force on the web that perhaps no one can stop. Except for him of course.

[cilil]

🌿 for ask game. thank you!

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

Now I may be both a good and bad person to ask about that because I've been inspired and writing almost every day for 2 1/2 years straight now and, while there certainly were unproductive episodes in terms of output or low motivation or stress and anxiety keeping me away from writing itself, I always had inspiration in my head at least; I suppose you could say I've been somewhat "blessed" with keeping this up without putting in real conscious effort. I don't think there's a secret recipe either, but I'll try to give some helpful (?) ideas :)

So a good chunk of this is sadly, or at least I suspect it might be so, dependent on how prone to hyperfixation and how attached to an individual thing you are on a personal level. Speaking for myself, I'm the kind of person who always has their "one main thing" and sticks with it for several years at least (I was tenacious enough to spend 5 years doing my own thing in a dead fandom) and slowly digs deeper and deeper as time goes on. Others may change interests more frequently, be in several fandoms at once or experience greater fluctuations with high and low creativity. That leads us to my first point: Know who you are and work with that, don't try to be anyone else.

The second thing I think is important is to find a good balance between trying to be reliable and finish your stuff and give yourself some space to do whatever you feel like and fuck around. You may have heard creativity being compared to a river before and it's true: Too much human interference - for example straightening a river - can impact the environment around it negatively, and too much scheduling and deadlines and forcing yourself to be creative will impact your creativity negatively. Make sure you have the space to at least occasionally do what comes to mind. You should be working on project A, but you're feeling project B? Work on B for a while. The muses are moody.

Another thing that may seem a little contradictory at first, but I think is helpful: Keep at it. If you do whatever is your creative thing regularly, it's less of a "big deal" and threshold to cross every time, it becomes natural and a comforting part of your routine. For writers, drabble challenges and prompt events are examples for good tools to ensure you write at least semi-regularly. But again, please don't feel like you have to force yourself to create every single day, especially if you're someone who experiences periods of little to no creative energy. That's fine. Let yourself recharge. We're all different (in general what works for me doesn't have to work for everyone else).

Now if you do find yourself in a bit of a creative slump or lose passion for a project you used to enjoy a lot, here are some things you can try:

Take a break and do something else. Scratch a different itch. Have fun!

Put yourself in the right mood/mindset by looking for media that evokes the feelings/vibes needed for your project (note that this will work better for people who are highly sensitive or otherwise react/connect to media on an emotional level more strongly). Examples: A playlist, a specific song you associate with your work, a movie/book/game/etc that inspired you, artwork of a character

Talk about it with someone else. Be excited together. Ask for advice if needed. Or just talk through whatever block you have; you may not even consciously realize it, but just to have someone listening will help with explaining the situation to both them and yourself and clearing it up

Write a project list (I recommend either a spreadsheet or a handwritten one). Sometimes the crux with a project is simply all the disorganized noise around it and you begin to feel anxious which causes writer's block and/or kills your creativity. Writing a list can clear that up, make you feel more calm and collected and show you a clear way forward. Note: This applies to other situations in life too. Try it and I promise things will become easier to handle

That's all I can think of right now. Again I can't promise any of this is "the secret sauce, but maybe some of it can help someone :)

[dolores-slay]

Having one of those epiphany moments in life when you realize your fixation on something that's making you feel bad is actually about another thing (maturity???). Basically I've been in bad health for the past few days and today my body decided to get full sick and my brain decided to hyperfixate on some negative reactions to dragon age veilguard I have seen around and feel doom and gloom about them. And at first I told myself it must be anxiety over what feels like a bookend to a series that's been with me for so long now and the realization of how much time has passed and getting older, but that's not exactly it. I was happy during those times but I am happy now too, I've no need to chase that lost juice or anything. I think my brain deflects onto dragon age, with its themes of world altering calamity and painful change, my worries about real life and the world as of late.

I've been managing to barely scrounge up some hope regarding climate change anxieties (thanks to brilliant educators like Alaina Wood for example whom I owe my literal life), but I also worry about the US elections (I SHOULDN'T be having to worry about this! But that garbage has implications for the entire world and ofc I worry about friends and former friends from the US), the horrors and injustices of the Gaza and Ukraine invasions, all the other things that are not right out there. The world feels like a bit too much right now, and whatever I can do feels so insignificant and puny.

I do deep down have indomitable hope for the future and faith in humanity, but the flipside is I still have to feel all the bad feelings and fears. I am thankful to be alive every day and know I am incredibly privileged and blessed in so many ways. But on days like these I'm just so afraid.

I think sitting with it is the only solution. Like it's okay to feel this stuff just don't let it defeat you and all. Also incredible fact but feeling physically ill might affect you negatively mentally also, who knew!

[lestappenforever]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for the tag, @lattesqueeze. 🥹

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 31! I used to have a lot more on my old account, but I deleted them all and the account ages ago.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 182,588 apparently. Jesus fuck, I did not realize it was that high.

3. Which fandoms do you write for? These days? Only F1 RPF, but I used to write for several others, including (but not limited to) Cut & Run, Men's Football RPF, McFly RPF, and Teen Wolf.

4. Which are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Devils Roll The Dice (Angels Roll Their Eyes) - My first Lestappen fic, my baby, my pride and joy

2. 19 Times The Grid Saved Lestappen (And One Time They Didn't Need To) - My first collab fic with the lovely Ilse (@f1writingbyme) 💕

3. Something Unholy - Lestappen lap dance/dirty talk PWP

4. Speak Now (Or Forever Hold Your Peace) - A personal Lestappen favorite

5. No Time For Regret (No Time For Sleep) - Lestappen PWP set after the 2023 Belgian Grand Prix

5. Do you reply to your comments? Why or why not? Yes, I do! I've made it my mission to reply to every single comment I get on my work, because the fact that there are people out there who not only read my work, but they also take the time to leave a comment, is such a huge deal to me and it makes me so happy. The least I can do is make sure they all get a reply.

6. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending? Ooof, I guess The Last Straw? The ending itself isn't the angstiest part of the fic, but the entire thing is angsty as hell.

7. Which of your fics has the happiest ending? I'd say most of my fics have happy endings, but the happiest? Probably Devils Roll The Dice (Angels Roll Their Eyes), or the first sequel Like Snow At The Beach (Weird, But Fucking Beautiful).

8. Do you get hate on your fics? Haven't gotten any hate so far on my current AO3 account! I used to get a bit of hate on my fics when I used to write for another fandom (1D, despite not being a 1D fan myself, I only wrote requests from other people) years ago, though, because back then there was apparently a "right or wrong way" to write fics, and there were always people who thought you were doing it wrong.

9. Do you write smut? I do. Admittedly, it's my least favorite thing to write, but I do write it.

10. Do you write crossovers? I've never tried, and I've never had an urge to so far.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Only one! (That I know of.) It was the first 1D fic I wrote and somebody tried to pass it off as their own. Didn't work very well for them.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet, but I was actually contacted by a lovely person who wants to translate some of my F1 fics, which is a huge honor. So it's coming!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? Yes, I have! I co-wrote a fic with an old friend back in my McFly obsession days, and I've co-written two Lestappen fics with my darling @f1writingbyme.

19 Times The Grid Saved Lestappen (And One Time They Didn't Need To), and Ride The Bull (Giddy Up, Partner).

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? All-time? I honestly don't know if I can pick because all of my favorite ships have been my all-time favorite ship at the time I was hyperfixating on them. But, if I have to make a choice, I'd say it's a tie between Lestappen and Junes (Harry Judd/Danny Jones from McFly).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but probably never will? Oh, man, I don't have one because my brain will not let me start a WIP without finishing it. Once I start writing something, my OCD and anxiety kicks in, and I just have to finish it. And if I can't finish it, I delete the whole thing and never think of it again. Which is both a blessing and a curse.

16. What are your writing strengths? Angst and endings, I think.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Smut, without a doubt. Despite having written a fuckton of smut in my life, there is nothing that stresses me out more than when I get to the part in a fic where smut belongs. Reading back my own smut makes me cringe.

18. What are your thoughts on writing in other languages in fics? If it's done properly, I say go for it! I personally don't mind it at all and find it adds depth to a lot of work. Just make sure you use something other than Google Translate if you don't speak the language, and preferably check with someone who speaks the language, to make it as believeable to a native reader as possible.

19. What was the first fandom you ever wrote for? McFly. God, those were the days. I was a literal child back then.

20. What’s your favourite fic that you’ve written? Definitely Devils Roll The Dice (Angels Roll Their Eyes). Writing that fic altered my brain chemistry, and I can still remember how I felt writing the different chapters. And also 19 Times The Grid Saved Lestappen (And One Time They Didn't Need To), because that was just so fun from start to finish.

Tagging @f1writingbyme, @nico-di-genova, and @f1posting (and anyone else who wants to do this and hasn't already been tagged!).

[claire8216]

Fic Tag Game

Thanks @fandomscraziness22 for the tag!! 🩵

How many works do you have on AO3? 10! My page says 7 but I have some I've published anonymously.

What's your AO3 word count? 122,718

What fandoms do you write for? It's been a while since I've posted anything but when I do find the motivation to write it's usually Julie and the Phantoms, Outer Banks, or The Summer I Turned Pretty! I've written some for other fandoms too but that was a looong time ago haha.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (Not including the ones I'd like to remain anonymous 😉) - Fire Red and Ocean Blue (TSITP) - I Hate the Way I Don't Hate You (JatP) - Been Counting My Blessings Thinking This Through (OBX) - Something Like That (JatP) - I'm Standing in Your Line (I Do Hope You Have the Time) (JatP)

Do you respond to comments? I really try to respond to every comment, even if it takes me a while to respond! I genuinely appreciate people who take the time to not only read my writing but also share with me their thoughts, so the least I can do is respond back 😊

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oof in general I usually stick to happy endings so there hasn't been a ton of angsty endings! But I once wrote a fic exploring a character navigating the aftermath of the sudden death of his wife. It ends with him bonding with a woman in a bar who had also lost her husband, and they dance together and while it's nice to have some sort of companionship again, there's an unspoken agreement that nothing and no one would ever compare to their late spouses. (Based off the song Ghost of You by 5SOS, specifically the last line!) I don't usually write major character deaths, and I actually ended up taking that one down because it was too sad for me haha.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The rest of my fics pretty much all have HEAs because at my core that's what I enjoy most haha. But my favorite and probably fluffiest ending is Fire Red and Ocean Blue.

Do you get hate on fics? I don't remember ever getting any hate! *knock on wood*

Do you write smut? What kind? I do not, but I always enjoy reading a good smut fic!

Do you write crossovers? No, but I love AUs or fics based off of other books/shows/movies!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Also no haha.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? I've attempted to, a loooong time ago when I was first getting into fanfic. Nothing ever came of it though, we were both, like, 12 so it fizzled haha. I have no idea where that person is today but I hope they're doing well!!

What WIP would you like to finish, but doubt you ever will? Back when s1 of Outer Banks came out I started working on a Jiara one night stand fic and got about halfway done. I still think about it often, but too much has happened in s2 and 3 it just wouldn't make sense anymore and I'd basically have to start from scratch.

What's your all-time favorite ship? This is a tough one! My oldest and most beloved ships will always be Romione and Percabeth. But no ship has ever, and may never again, have me in a chokehold quite like Juke did during the height of my JatP hyperfixation. So one of those three! 😂

What are your writing strengths? Ooo I love a good theme or motif or analogy and bringing everything back around full circle. It makes my little perfectionist virgo brain very happy haha.

What are your writing weaknesses? Sometimes I'll rush through the little details just to get to the main plot points. I constantly have to remind myself to slow down, a sort of "stop and smell the roses" if you will, and set the scene or create unique little character details to make my fics more descriptive.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in a another language for a fic? If it's needed it's needed! I usually will copy/paste and look up the translation if I need to.

First fandom you wrote for? Glee haha. I used to be OBSESSED.

Favorite fic you've ever written? I feel like this answer changes depending on my mood haha. Right now I think it'd have to be Been Counting My Blessings Thinking This Through, but that could totally be recency bias haha. I am very proud of it though!

What fic would you want to rewrite someday? I wrote this PJO (Tratie) fic called Rivers about 10 years ago and to this day the idea behind it is probably one of my favorite ideas I've ever had for a fic. When I reread it now, I can't help but see the writing of a 15 year old girl who had no idea what she was talking about and was unable to execute it in the way I wanted to in my mind haha. I always tell myself I'm going to rewrite it, and maybe with the show coming out soon, it'll inspire me to!

This was so fun!! Tagging @story-courty @bex2313 and @writerownstory and anyone else who wants to participate!

[scripted-downfall]

Music Tag Game :)

Thank you to @typicalopposite for the tag!

(Let your spotify predict your 2024! shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024.)

I haven't listened to much music on Spotify recently, but what I did was on repeat, so this playlist is REMARKABLY accurate. Crazy how mental brain rot works, innit?!?!? :) Anyway, here's my remarkably homogeneous list.

Wu Ji — The Untamed Soundtrack

Devil’s Backbone — The Civil Wars P.S.1 - Let's face it: #1 and #2 are BASICALLY the same song (/hj) P.S.2 - This might seem like it's not connected to MXTX's writing, but... have you considered the fact that this is prime animatic material? I have. :]

Huang Cheng Du — The Untamed Soundtrack

I Can’t Decide — Scissor Sisters P.S. This also might seem like it's not connected to MXTX but um. Jin GuangYao exists.

Qinghe Jue — The Untamed Soundtrack

Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths P.S. Hey, this one is, at least not about MXTX! However, it is still a result of me being queer, mentally ill, angsty, and hyperfixated, so. Same dif, tbh.

Qing Xin Yin · Luan Po Chao — The Untamed Soundtrack

Don’t Tread on Me — Metallica P.S. First non-fandom song! This song is fun in general, but I love it for the snippet of "America" from West Side Story at the beginning

Yi Hua Yi Jian — Heaven Official’s Blessing Soundtrack

Two Birds - Regina Spektor P.S. Yo! Look at this! Another non-MXTX song, right? ... Right? Nope. Blame the Beefleaf animatics😭

Zui Shi Shao Nian Bu Ke Qi — The Untamed Soundtrack

Veteran of the Psychic Wars — Blue Oyster Cult

This bodes poorly, folks.

Tagging @exhaustedpirate and @witchy-writer-lady, as well as anyone else interested!

[sennaverstappendiary]

australian grand prix ✩ 02.04.2023

SOOOOO HERE WE FUCKING GO‼️‼️‼️ my journey into f1 has finally started. now, is it because i'm dutch and max is slaying? well, that has something to do with it, but! i actually have to instead thank the other driver in my username for getting me into f1! 🥰🥰🥰

🗓️ march 23th, 2023. i was in bed, trying to sleep, and i simply couldn't. i don't know why - might have to do with recovery symptoms, but i COULD NOT sleep. and my now ex was sleeping next to me, so couldn't watch video's. what did i do instead?

wikipedia deep dive. 😁😁😁

i'm not sure how it happened, but eventually i found myself on the... "crashes in formula one" page. and being the morbidly curious little freak that i am, i scrolled through everything. one of them caught my eyes though, more than any other.

💕💕ayrton senna💕💕 - the last driver to pass away during a formula one race. i clicked on his page, and, woah. it was like something clicked inside of me as i scrolled through it. especially his rivalry with 💕💕alain prost💕💕 seemed so interesting to me... like what happened there...

needless to say: i was hooked. more than hooked, to be honest. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

i ended up scrolling, reading more and more, and i only slept when it was 5 am. the days after that were a blur of FORMULA ONE FORMULA ONE FORMULA ONE. it was genuinely the only thing i could think of/talk about. genuinely felt like i was on cr4ck... 💥💥💥

funny thing: my brother, who had introduced me to f1, wasn't even home at the time i got hyperfixated. sometimes i wonder how that would've gone. 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

another funny thing: i was very sad to find out that the prosenna community wasn't thriving on tumblr 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

another VERY funny thing: i literally laughed the first time i saw lestappen. like in a mean way. i have no clue what happened but about 2 days later i was reblogging it and it was becoming my fav modern ship alarmingly quickly 🤯🤯🤯🤯

so yeah. went kinda (really) fucking crazy the week before this grand prix. of course i decided to wake up at 7 am to watch it 😁😁 god bless. i didn't gaf about fp at the time (smartest thing ive ever done, like, i should stop caring about fp now)

qualifying was just... confusing for me seeing as i didn't understand too much. i do vividly remember how AWKWARD the picture with the top 3 was 😭😭😭 i was very sleepy and i think i accidentally woke up my (now) exin the other room PLEASE 🤣🤣🤣

the race was... i'm both shocked and glad that this was my first ever race. waking up at 7 for it was fun as fuck i can't even lie i LOVE me an early race 💕💕 i was so hyped for it!! i didn't understand much, and i didn't have any friends to chat with yet, but it was fun. if i had been into f1 longer i would've probably been more scared of the mercs leading lap after lap, but i was blissfully unaware AND very very faithful in max... just kept repeating to myself "i'm not gonna worry about it lol" which DID work in the end. i rewatched this race for this post and man. i remember not really giving a fuck about charles dnf because i wasn't THAT much into any modern drivers yet except max LOL. 🥲🥲🥲 and i remember alex's crash being way later than it actually was in the race? maybe because of the crazy fucking red flags PLEASE 😰😰😰 george's car lighting on fire... nyck flopping... my first impression of carlos being his fucking complaint about the SUN i'm screaming... what a crazy fucking race.

after the race i was gleefully telling my dad everything (his ass was NOT waking up at 7 for this which i respect greatly) and shakingly eating breakfast (i was so excited fdjhgdhfgdfh)... and then i realised... 4 weeks without f1 😵‍💫😵‍💫 whilst in the height of my hyperfix!! how did i survive!!!

anyway i'm so glad this was my first race, even though it was a really weird one dfhghdg 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 AUSTRALIA 2023 U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

✩ song of the race: Industry Baby - Lil Nas X

I just fuck heavy with this song LMFAO. also it's kinda maxcore if u think about it... i certainly think about it... 😭���😭💕😭💕

[anotherghoul666]

FUCK ME DUDE I sent the ask off without the damn answer in XD I'm so sorry hahahaha @devoured-by-shadows here's the actual post holy fuck.

(Answers 19 and 25 are below the others under a read more cause there’s talks of sensitive topics in there, 19 light mention of the topic of death, and 25 especially be wary of if you’re sensitive to topics like addiction, overdose and someone withering away over years.)

12:A song from your preteen years Ooh, interesting, what was big in my musical life between 9 and 12. Let's see. I got into metal at age 7 thanks to my dad showing me Iron Maiden, so needles to say Maiden was My Band in those years. While yes, there were other bands that managed to pique my interest then - things like Linkin Park, System of a Down, Nickleback (people need to chill with the Nickleback hate, yes they're commercial as fuck but dear god Silver Side Up and The Long Road fucked back in the day ok, and I will respect and appreciate those albums for what they were) and my first forray into power metal through Gamma Ray and Helloween and Blind Guardian - let's be real, Maiden was basically my whole life. When I discovered Maiden through their older albums, they were currently fronted by Blaze Bailey. Bless the guy, he tried his best and there are legit good songs on his two albums with Maiden, but you just can't fill Bruce Dickinson's shoes man, nobody can. All we were waiting for was Dickinson's return. So when he did come back in 2000 for the Brave New World album, that felt like the biggest event of my short life, and that album became my hyperfixation and favorite thing on the planet.

Iron Maiden - The Wicker Man I could link the entire album here as my “song of my pre-teen years” but this is the first track off of the album, it’s the start of the obsession, it was one of my favs to drum to back in the day. Lots of good memories with this classic!

15:A song that is a cover by another artist You know what's excellent music? 80s synth-pop / new wave like Tears for Fears.

Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World

You know what's even better? When a silly-yet-actually-super-talented youtuber band does it over 30 years later and nails the atmosphere.

Ninja Sex Party - Everybody Wants to Rule the World Listen, the world can say that it wants about the whole Game Grumps / Ninja Sex Party / Danny Sexbang persona, I kinda don't care. Objective truth is, Dan Avidan has fucking pipes, his voice is a fucking treasure, and serious albums like that one cover album from 2016 really show off these guys' potential. I get what their shtick is and I respect the hustle. But dude, when they cover 80s tracks like this one or A-ha's Take on Me? This is where they shine in my opinion. There's something so comforting, so soft and smooth in this version, this song feels like a hug for my brain. I remember multiple occasions in 2016 when this song alone carried me through panic attacks.

18:A song from the year that you were born So I was born in ‘91. Solid year in music, and in metal specifically. Metallica’s Black Album came out in ‘91. Ozzy Osbourne’s No More Tears, Soundgarden’s Badmotorfinger, classics everyone knows. Over in Europe in the Nordic countries, the late 80s to early 90s with ‘91 smack dab in the middle was the creation and solidifying of black metal. And while of course I did not listen to black metal as a baby (tho I wish XD) the genre became my favorite genre of metal nowadays. ‘91 was the year when Darkthrone released their first record. When Samael released their first record. And when Bathory, already legends back then, released Twilight of the Gods.

Bathory - Prologue / Twilight of the Gods / Epilogue Piece of fucking history this track is.

20:A song that has many meanings to you Ha XD Come try to crack the code of Genesis’ The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway storyline hahaha. 23 songs of the most beautiful madness in the world. Listen, I have listened to this album countless times, pondered meanings, I read the story, my dad saw the original show, we saw the officially sanctioned replica of the show together multiple times, with the costumes, the original videos, everything. I understand The Lamb, and at the same time I understand absolutely nothing about The Lamb.

Genesis - In The Cage Make your own meaning. The more you look at The Lamb, the more confused the creature will make you, and that’s the way I like it! Peter Gabriel era Genesis is the best music that humanity’s ever created. You can spend your whole life trying to get it and you won’t and you’ll still be on awe.

19:A song that makes you think about life I tend to think about life through the lens of death most often. Idk how morbid of a person that means I am, or how much of a realist it makes me maybe? I don’t like to spend too much pondering life cause I know it can easily take me somewhere dark in the mind. But I do instinctually think about the value of life and artistic output, and the limited and fragile nature of life itself, when I listen to songs by people I’ve never known or met or seen while they were alive, and yet here they are, alive and well somehow in my hands and ears. How trippy.

Windir - Journey to the End Raising a (non-alcoholic) glass to Valfar for his soul to share in whichever hall of the afterlife he’s at. The soul of the Sogndal scene, unbeatable creative who I firmly believe could have influenced black metal and changed the course of the scene if he hadn’t died walking home in a snowstorm in 2004. Life’s funny like that. Sometimes all it takes is a walk home that you never arrive from. That type of shit makes me ponder life and its weirdly thin meaning. You take a look at the lyrics, it’s almost like Valfar knew what was coming. Nevertheless, Valfar and Windir left us some of the absolute best black metal offerings in the history of the genre. You cannot tell me this guy wasn’t ahead of his time with that synthy / electro / dreamy second half.

25:A song by an artist no longer living Aaah I unknowingly preemptively answered this one with the Windir answer before uh XD Alright, well, let’s talk about another artist that’s passed away then. An artist I actually got to see playing live multiple times before his passing. An artist that we, in the melodeath community, thought was so fucking cool. His self-destruction, which was very vividly broadcasted to the public mind you, was glorified, it was so epic and wild and awesome. The Wildchild, Alexi Laiho of Children of Bodom fame. We aspired to be half as cool as him. Because for some strange reason when you’re a teenager, a person showing off how much he can drink and do drugs is cool. A metal musician you admire showing himself blackout drunk and passed out and making himself sick day and day out, was cool.

That’s nuts to me now, as an adult, as someone who has mildly dealt with addiction and even that fucked me up, as someone who works with addicts and sees the damages of this disease day in and day out. We all watched Alexi killing himself slowly in front of us, at shows, on camera, on the tour buses, etc. and thought it was cool. We encouraged him, egged him on. Fucking madness. It claimed him, in the end. In 2020. I saw it coming for a few years so I was zero percent surprised. I know it caught some fans off guard, I don’t understand how.

I saw CoB in 2019, less than a year before the guy passed. I also saw CoB multiple times from 2011 to then, so I saw the decline of the frontman, and I feel you had to willingly be blind to it to not see it. In 2019 the guy was a living skeleton. No energy, barely able to play on stage, haggard unfocused eyes, caved in face, skin over bones. I read reviews of this 2019 show, people wrote about how he looked good and had energy and was “at his best”, like?! Was it denial about their favorite musician’s health status? Or pandering to the music industry, unable to review a show honestly? That performance was beyond difficult to watch. It hurt. Still hurts when I think back on it. I was physically uncomfortable. We left before the end. I couldn’t stand watching a literal wraith shredding guitar on stage knowing full well this night too would end with him passed out drunk at the bar after.

It was a whole story, Alexi’s antics. It caused tension and conflict within the band, and of course, how can it not be harmful to watch your frontman and friend do this to themselves. But metal was and unfortunately still is a culture of excess and substances, and nobody did it “better” than the Wildchild. We all thought it looked rad, but in the end we watched this guy die for two decades. When the news of his passing came out in 2020 (from an overdose of lots of different substances on top of liver disease and basically an organ breakdown) I cried a ton. For the reality behind this precious piece of my childhood and teenage years that was CoB; but mostly for how unhealthy the live music scene can be and how it can encourage artists down very dark paths. I don’t understand anymore how watching people get fucked up on substances is supposed to be cool. So I do my part when I can, to honor Alexi Laiho and other musicians like him whom addiction claimed, and to remind whoever reads me that alcoholism and drug abuse isn’t “cool”. Taking shit doesn’t make anyone more manly or more metal or impressive. Addiction shouldn’t be trendy. It cost us too many great musicians already.

Children of Bodom - Thrashed, Lost & Strungout Man I miss this motherfucker.

[hoppipolla]

↳ 8 Shows To Get To Know Me

Thank you @jyuubin for tagging me <3

I don't know if the shows I'm about to talk about will make you learn things about me but they're pretty much my favourites so i'm happy to talk about them ^^

18 Again

This drama was thought-provoking and beautiful in such an authentic way. Seeing a father learn to know his children through the eyes of someone their age was so tender yet so heartbreaking. This drama shed a light on how complex the human condition is and how people have more than one layer to their personalities. Hence the need to always be kind to one another. I don't remember all the details of that drama but that's the drama which made me discover Lee Do Hyun and his amazing and detailed acting ^^

Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai

One of the most beautiful kiss brought to screen. If you know, you know. Such a heartfelt drama :(( The absurdity of life doesn’t seem too insuperable when that life is lived while having the well-beings of others in mind. (Yes I am quoting myself, that's embarrassing. That phrase is from the review I wrote on MDL). That's basically what this series is all about. Loved the cinematography and the gentle vibe of the show (that makes no sense but it's hard to put into words what this series made me feel ><).

Avatar: The Last Airbender

The characters' developments in that show!!! I love well-written shows and this one was a blessing. I don't think any animated series can top this one. There is so many good things about it: flawed yet likable characters, thought-provoking dialogues, amazing story arcs, genuine friendships etc. (Iroh's the best character and we can all agree on that ^^)

You're My Sky

Such an underrated series!! Please do watch it, it's amazing! The three main couples all have different stories and everyone acts so well :( A well-written show with a beautiful cinematography? Count me in!

The Untamed

Oh my! Where to start? The Untamed was my first Asian drama and I've never moved on from it. I tend to hyperfixate a lot and so I usually quickly move on once I've finished a series/movie/book etc. but I could never move on from this show. The angst here is peak perfection. Wei Wuxian is one of the best character ever written and I love him to pieces. So many heart-breaking story arcs, so many amazing characters... Just so much pain but it's beautiful???

Weak Hero Class 1

One of the rare series which showed how genuine male friendships could be. WHC1 was really hard to watch but it was worth it. I am still trying to recover from it tbh... I just hate how cruel and brutal the human kind can be. I don't want to start any discourse but I liked Beom Seok. It doesn't mean I was ever okay with what he did but he is a much more complex character than most people think.

Beyond Evil

THE most amazing drama ever produced. I have written so many in-depths analyses on this drama — it's ridiculous — but it just gives you an idea of how impressive this drama was (both acting-wise and script-wise). I'll stop there because I won't be able to stop myself from rambling otherwise ><

180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us

I've written such an emotional review on MDL... Loved it so much. Brilliant performances, amazing dramatic references, stunning dialogues, gorgeous cinematography and a realistic plot. This drama sure felt like an out-of-time experience. I'm still sad I can't get my hands on HQ scenepacks because I would have loved to make some edits :(

So I'm basically someone who loves well-written series with nuanced and flawed characters. I like analysing things and I greatly appreciate subtle acting. I'm also a big softie lol so I like slow-burn relationships full of gentleness.

I'm tagging @ohmybitna <3 (I hope you haven't already done it. Feel free not to do it if you don't feel like. No pressure!)

[ben-the-hyena]

I've been struggling with depression and shitty fandoms for a long time now but can I just say finding your tumblr has been a blessing for me. Whenever I feel awful or can't find enjoyment in the stuff I like, your tumblr is always there to cheer me up. I've only been following you for a year but I've appreciated how much you've helped me and you have honestly helped me restore my faith in people and realize the internet isn't as shitty of a place as I thought it was. I know I'm just some random stranger you've never met in your life but I deeply appreciate how much you have done for me even if you don't realize it so thank you immensely.

Aw buddy... whoever you are this is quite touching to read. First of all thank you for your kind words and second I am glad my frantic posting and blogging about stuff I hyperfixate on or my unpopular opinions actually did help someone one waumy or another, I'm just posting for myself and for those who don't mind seeing it, but reading that this did comfort someone that much absolutely made my morning. I don't know who you are or if you have an account at all here, but thank you and I hope 2024 will be a year even better for both of us !