#thanks for being invested in this mess we're writing together

[kiekiecarrera]

No pressure but just wondering if y’all had a timeline for ch. 3 of Netflix and zero chill. I love the writing !

There is.... a plan? We gave ourselves Feb off because we knew we were not going to get anything done with the season coming out (other than yelling at eachother at odd hours of the day which we did bc timezones are a problem) and then that kinda stretched to March because we still haven't recovered lbr dlvnsdlvndln but we're getting back to it very soon actually, we're both excited about the new chapter and we have an outline pretty much of the whole fic, so it's coming at some point lmao @yellowlaboratory maybe you have something more insightful to add?

[honeylief]

Hey, sharing my first one shot of Raph x Emmy! They're also on my A03 I recently got an account for! Feel free to leave any thoughts on them and my writing, thank you <33

For a Slice of Cake by Honey_Lief - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) https://archiveofourown.org/works/60323023 via @ao3org

For a Slice of Cake

The day had been long in the tooth and the two finally aligned in time together with a whole weekend to look forward to. Superhero movie marathon. Pantry full of snacks. Chinese takeout leftovers for dinnertime. Nighttime reading for lightweight and heavyweight divisions. It felt good to have an apartment space meant for couples only fun. Very vanilla. Very routine.

Nothing ever stayed truly routine with these two however.

"Raph, you know I can't handle it when you use the tickle jitsu! Get away from me!"

Emmy tried to make a break for the next room over, only to be yoinked off her feet by her bigger turtle partner. She had her favorite camisole on and sports shorts for maximum flexibility. They weren't much help in escaping her current situation.

Raph playfully pulled her into a one armed grip, his free arm ready to 'attack' her weak points. He had his usual fit on except the ninja wraps. Didn't need them for this slippery target. "How dare you inhale that cake slice like a savage, you miscreant."

Emmy struggled and squirmed like a cat. "Not my fault you're being extra soft and slow on my account. I love when you wait on me like a gentleman, but it makes for fun getting away with anything around you."

At that remark, Raph lifted Emmy over his shoulder in one quick swoop. No amount of hitting and kicking by her fazed him, he'd have a cut on his lip by now if she really wanted to hurt him. With girlfriend secured, he moved her and himself over to their massive couch. This was a heavy investment piece, with enough space and support made for mutant alligator snappers who could pass out anytime of the day.

Raph plopped her on his lap, arms secured around her torso for further grilling. "Well we're not going anywhere until I know for sure it’s all gone. What’re you gonna do about that?"

Emmy fluttered her eyes up at him. "Maybe I still got cake frosting on me if you're lucky. You got the better angle tho to check if I'm really clean."

Big red turtle man keened down on her, his exaggerated fake scowl slowly forming into a cheeky grin. "Raph's gonna mess you up for that talk."

Emmy shuddered as he started cuddling her up. Raph made good on his word and also started playfully poking her to get her giggling. Nothing and nowhere risque, he just really enjoyed her bubbly laughter. How she buried into his chest when she tried to muffle her occasional cackling outbursts. It did help that she gave him a whole cheat sheet, and as they did this more frequently, Emmy was constantly thinking up new strategies so he wasn't having too easy a time figuring her out.

Raph’s usual mode of 'friendly soft giant' was always nice, but she's head over heels for him when he’s a little less restrained in all that he does for her. He had of course voiced wanting to sometimes act on raw muscle, to which Emmy assured him in kind she's a tough cookie who can handle it and like it a little rough.

She can be affectionately rough like him right now.

Would this be an intrusive thought though? She had to know he'd feel it.

**CHOMP**

Raph's eyes flew open to see Emmy really sinking her teeth in on his snout. This feeling wasn't new, but damn she really had been full of little surprises since they started being together. And positively crazier now that they have their own crib.

She didn’t seem to pick up he'd caught onto her literally smitten on him.

"You're biting me?"

Emmy's eyes opened at his question. She regarded him in a state of confusion before the slow realization hit and she let him go slowly. "Haha, oops, when did that happen?"

Raph let her go entirely as he patted a hand over his snout. "You really bit me!"

Emmy put a hand to her mouth. "I didn't draw blood, did I?"

Raph didn’t feel broken skin or anything like it under his fingers. The initial tingle was already gone, but something about that sneak attack still seemed to stick.

"Don't think so. But mind telling me what that was about?"

Emmy averted her eyes as she fidgeted her mask tails. "I don't know. Maybe I read this as a thing turtle partners do with each other."

She continued to fidget as she flustered for the right words. "I thought since we do these clockwork couch cuddles, maybe you would like something with more teeth to it. I really wanna match how much you already give me every time. Adding more to that face value."

Raph's done his share of quick turtle courtship reading and his eyes lit up piecing it together. "Y'mean like the face tapping?"

"Uhm yeah, that." Emmy trailed off before half-heartedly laughing. "Sorry, is the biting… too weird for you?"

Raph seemed to ponder on it, and Emmy felt herself wilting on the spot. Was that stare he was giving her a good or a bad one?

"Now you got me thinking how I wanna try it on you."

Emmy stopped fidgeting. She had half expected this answer, but she hadn’t expected how straightforward he was about wanting to try. "Wait, really?"

Raph shrugged. "I mean, between the four of us knucklehead brothers, I lost count how many times we bit each other over anything. Dad had to carry a newspaper or swatter so we'd let go. Just never thought to try it on someone who ain't family, and not that way."

That way. Emmy's face rapidly turned red at the scenarios in her head, and Raph hastily amended extra assurance with shaking arm motions.

"If you're okay with it first of course!"

"Oh. Ohhhh," Emmy struggled on followup. "U-Um, Raph, know that I do trust you with my life, you have a winning smile 24/7, you're the best at kissing me head to toe. I would be lying tho if I wasn't a little nervous about bites from you. And uh…"

Raph didn’t look away as he intently hung to her every word. "I’m listening."

"I really am sorry I sprung that on you," Emmy blushed as she tucked in on herself. "I wanted to be grand about giving back as much as you give me. I still sometimes feel I'm all take and no give with you, even with all the tricks I pull. I can't swing you around the way you’re always doing it with me. I'm never enough in my head."

It was all Raph could do to hug her on the spot, but maybe Emmy needed to be held differently here. She was so so much more than her size, physical or other.

He reached for her hands. "You’re enough for me. Maybe it would be nice for Raph to be held or carried in bigger arms, sure." He proceeded to lean over so their heads touched. "But then I know I’d have to give up how we butt heads like this, the eyes and small hands that see/take care of little scratches on my back, a shell size just right for my head to rest on. I wouldn’t trade those away for anything."

He gave her hands a firm squeeze. "You being in Raph's life like this? All the biggest experience he could ever want. All you gotta know. You’ll always be enough, bonita."

His girlfriend snickered at the left field pet name. "You've secretly been word training!"

Raph smirked. "That’s what you get loving a ninja turtle who's stupid dedicated to any training."

Emmy visibly relaxed at his word play and found her smile again. "Yeah, okay. I’m down for it now. But can we start small?"

"Absolutely," Raph guided her hands so they cupped his face. "Wanna give me a dental once over first?"

Emmy giggled as she did a quick glance over of him, Raph’s head completely rested in her hands. She idly rubbed her thumbs on him as he slowly bared his teeth. He really did take immaculate care of his pearly whites since he was finally off the corrective braces. Emmy and him both were so glad he got to keep his signature snaggletooth look. Up close, it was hard to believe his set of intimidating chompers was capable of saying the sweetest things and mostly free of meanness.

"Looking and smelling like minty fresh breeze to me, big fella."

Raph shut his lid. He looked quite pleased with himself. "Thank you, I try."

Emmy squished his cheeks together. "I bet you a dollar you're more excited about this than I am."

His smile only got wider and toothier at her assumption. "How would you like to be treated, my queen?"

Raph’s eyes didn’t leave her, and he also didn’t move as Emmy had him wait. Her hands eventually pulled away from his loosened grip. She laid down on the sofa, with only her head propped up against an arm rest. Her thighs and arms folded towards herself. She looked back up at him before making both a face and a noise that can only be described as impish–and inviting.

"Come here and mess me up, 'good boy'."

At 'good boy', Raph felt electric. He silently shifted to loom over Emmy topside, right where he wanted her. She looked beyond cute at this angle under him.

"This is entirely your fault for being so dang sweet and saucy, by the way. Close your pretty eyes for Raph."

Emmy did just that, breathing in deep and sinking into the sofa as though she was in a bathtub. His breath felt warm, but also cooling from the lingering menthol. She could feel his scraggly chin dig into the crook of her neck as he sniffed her down. His usual musk of ‘happy’ took hold of her senses. It was a strong earthy smell every time he leaned in this close.

With this new angle to his maw, Emmy could take in the hesitant, cool tongue licks against her skin. She could feel the edge of his snaggletooth glide over her face, a mix of delicate strokes and gentle pressure. It never ceased to amaze her how much deliberate self control he had, his size never a hindrance to his movements. In and out with precision. Ebb and flow that kept her guessing. Completely valid application of master ninja techniques.

Emmy wasn't completely lost at the moment though. She opened one eye to see how much he was enjoying this. Raph once again made off with an idea she got them both into and doing all the work. His scent made it hard to think straight.

"Nnngh, Raphael."

Raph gradually intensified the earlier motions. Hungry. Famished. Emmy quietly grasping for his proper name only goaded him on to keep on giving. Make sure every inch of her face was lovingly caressed the best way his chops could appreciate. She was her own tier of plush softness unlike anything else. Silky smooth cheeks, a ticklish chin, familiar lips that tasted so jazzy fresh without fail.

Maybe he'll save that for last? It was too much fun riling Emmy up now.

Emmy was stiff as a board while Raph nuzzled and nipped. Every time she tried to bite her lower lip, she could feel Raph tug back at it, stopping short of kissing her outright. The nerve. His licks were brief, but eager like a puppy's. And that tongue, he did not disappoint flexing it physically as much as he did with words only meant for her ears. Oh gods. Emmy won't hear the end of it if Raph starts calling her his squeaky toy after this play biting experiment was over.

She wanted so badly to give back as he was giving now. Her hands wanted to cradle his head again. Or arms to loop around his neck. She had to give back now. Reach out. But she was stopped in her tracks when she felt one wrist restrained. Raph also paused his ministrations.

Emmy dared a peek to see her turtle man so focused on her. He looked very determined. She felt her cheeks heating up at his stupidly steely gaze.

"Safe word?"

"No, but–"

"Then let Raph finish."

"Raphael–"

His mouth fell on hers to shut her up and immediately Emmy saw stars with the sudden tongue-to-tongue contact. Both of them sunk completely into the couch. Both her hands were also now pinned under Raph's. Their fingers intertwined in short order. She could really take in the minty mouthwash he was on when he's in this deep. He pressed forward and maintained his pace, his bigger tongue doing all the swirling and savoring movements. Her whole body trembled from all the sensations, and it took a bit of time to compose the big thoughts.

He was her everything right here and now. Or she was everything to him? It made her heart race and belly flutter in butterflies at both thoughts.

If he wasn't gonna let her touch, she's gonna make this kiss something he won't soon forget in other ways. She had to. But how to without her hands?

Raph eventually pulled away without warning and it sent Emmy reeling on the exit. His mouth didn’t really leave her for long however, as she soon realized.

He went back in with renewed determination, alternating between the teeth grazing, small kisses and nibbles all over her pretty face. Her exposed neck and shoulders were lovingly attended to in the same manner. He felt Emmy go a little limp at his hurried onslaught. She'd completely given up on form, reduced to making small tickled noises or slurred, churring words on how good he was doing. How he was too good to her. How he was always, always a good boy.

One last affectionate nibble to her cute snoot, and Raph returned Em's earlier gesture in full. And a parting gift of a smooch on the same spot for good measure. He let her wrists go, slowly withdrew back to give her breathing space and looked down on her.

She looked like a deer in headlights, blinking dazed and mouth a little hung open.

Despite his work and all the positive affirmation earlier, he needed to hear her feedback loud and clear. "So, how'd I do?"

Emmy was still dazzled in place taking in the last five minutes of everything. "I am never taking your smiles for me for granted ever again."

Raph beamed, even as Emmy got her senses back, crossed her arms and gave him a puffed up pout. "But you didn’t let me bite back either, you monster."

"Cake theft."

Emmy had completely forgotten about her earlier transgression. "Okay, fair."

Raph eventually helped her up so they were both sitting facing each other. "Were you scared at all through it?"

Emmy replayed the moments in her head. "A little, but some fear made it fun. You wanna go back for seconds and take a bigger bite of me right now?"

Raph's face immediately scrunched funny. Conflicted, nervous and redder all at once. "I–"

"Just teasing!" Emmy cheekily stuck her tongue out and pressed a finger to his lips. "We'll train up to that level like always. I promise neither of us are gonna hurt bad with practice. And I know you’re all about serious training, my king."

Raph’s earlier doubts instantly vanished at her assured words. Emmy quickly scooted up and planted a kiss to his cheek. "To my amazing and wonderfully talented boyfriend. I’ll be better about the intimate warnings." He churred at her show of affection. "Mmm. Sounds good to me."

It felt bizarre to be grounded again after what just happened. It took a bit, sorting out all the thoughts, but Raph finally remembered what started it all.

"Thank you for being you, Em. Forget the bet, but I really am hungry for sweets."

[ossidae-passeridae]

🛒🎶🛠🏆 and ✨✨ i saw you dodging the other one >:(

Oh yeah mid here with the technical questions this'll be a fun one :3

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

*cracks knuckles* alright everyone settle in we're gonna be here a while.

Themes: loss of control, the interplay between fear and desire, situations which cannot be borne but must be, love as a partial deconstruction/destruction of the self, fear as a vehicle for self destruction, pain as catharsis, alienation from one's own body/status/existence... The strength of community working together?

Feels: Catharsis. It's all about catharsis in my works, all the other feels are simply vehicles to get us there.

Scenes: Standing over a sink full of blood and teeth (I literally have two WIPs with this right now), being trapped in a room with no way to escape, spiraling so far into one's mind that the physical world ceases to exist... My scenes tend towards night, and grime, and dim lighting, and the reflection of neon lights in puddled water on the pavement.

Imagery: water, the ocean, black holes, the vastness of empty space, sucking darkness, water drip drip dripping as a metaphor for slow decay, opulence as alienation. Food as a metaphor for love. Also that.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

This is highly dependent on what I'm writing! Sometimes it's integral I listen to music, other times I must have Total Silence(tm). Some fics I've written listening to one song on repeat include:

Pretty Waste (WIP): same titled song by Bones UK

broken pieces of the day: Delirium Tremens (Falling Down a Hole.) by A Burning Century

Rōnin: which continues to be written while listening to the same-titled album by Zack Hemsey

Overall I write a lot listening to She Wants Revenge and Crüxshadows, which I think tells you a lot about me!

Six Months in a Leaky Boat was written in a furious haze, and I'm sure that I did listen to a lot of music throughout it (there's no way I'd be able to put together the musical interludes otherwise), but I cannot for the life of me remember any specifics.

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

This one depends a bit on the scope of the work. For most things, I use gdocs because I swap between devices as my brain throws various hissy fits. For longer and more invested works which requires pages of planning and worldbuilding, I prefer Scrivener.

For gdocs, I also use a plugin called Draftback, which lets me look over my document edit history (with graphs!). I find that I can use these to pick out when I'm floundering on a fic and need new eyes on them - my graphs go from nice straight lines to horrible spotty messes.

🏆 What’s your most popular fic?

Hands down it's gotta be 'sometimes the feeling is right' ahahaha. What can I say, everyone loves medical accuracy bordering on medfet I guess??? It's my most viewed, most kudosed, and most bookmarked work!

Eternal thanks to @canonical-transformation who betaed it for me when I was yelling into a pillow about it not working with me 💖💖💖 You are, in fact, the best

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

*loudly grumbles*

dae's writing is almost as cool as mid and aspires to their level of excellence 😤 HAPPY NOW

[beyourownanchor6]

I think they were good out of context, as standalone. But some things never made sense. Like after the first one where Supergirl joins, it's like. She found out there's a whole universe where there's no superman or supergirl, no clark kent or kara danvers, which potentially could mean krypton never exploded, and she can get to that universe with the help of her friend barry's friend cisco, and she does... absolutely nothing with that information. No desire to visit au!krypton. No desire to see her parents again. No desire to take Clark, who has no ties to his own culture because he lost it as a baby, to go see krypton. Nothing. And like she knows there is life on other planets and it matches the life in other planets on her universe because of the dominators, the alien main villains of that crossover who also exist in her universe. It drove me crazy.

Yeah i definitely went through it. But it made me stronger in the end. Yeah i loved/hated 13 reasons why. It was definitely wild. And thank you so much! One of my best friends says i should write an auto biography, but i can't imagine anyone being interested in reading about my messed up teen years. Like "ooh i was an alcoholic in high school" big deal, like, doesn't make me special. And yeees. My mom is my best friend (not in a norman bates kinda way), we're very close. Recently she's been hinting that it might be better for me to move out because i need to work on independence, and i meed to be free to fornicate at home. I'm unsure if i want that, because i love living with her.

Lol oh i'm like that with scooby doo.

Yeah, i love foggy too. No spoilers (unless you want them) but yeah, very limited foggy. Rumor has it it's basically a cameo. And yees punisher is coming back. I never got into him but he is nice to look at. Especially his nose (i have a thing for noses, i'm weird).

Thank you! I subscribed to you :D

Thank you! I'll try beans with my mom, maybe she'll get that.

Yeah indeed, second opinions are important. And it was definitely helpful! Now I can plan accordingly. And that sounds like a great weekend! I hope you have a great week!

gonna respond under the cut 😎

i think supergirl definitely ruined a lot of the series/crossovers bc they never really tied it together with everything like you said? seemed like a lot of wasted opportunities. i tried to watch supergirl a couple times but quit both times lol. it definitely had a lot of plot holes from what i remember, which honestly isn’t much lol. idk why but dc shows/movies just always seem to fall short compared to marvel stuff, imo. it’s like they just don’t know what they’re doing half the time and just go with whatever

sometimes we have to go through some shit to make us stronger in the end. the show definitely got very dramatic but i loved it anyway and was invested lol, but i can see not wanting to engage with that after all you went through. hey ya never know! your story could be just the thing to help someone out who’s maybe going/gone through something similar. LOL, i do love me some psycho. did you ever watch the show bates motel? living alone (or at least without your parents) is definitely nice! i live with my brother but he’s much more easygoing then my dad so it works. it’s like having a roommate but we get along haha. it’s a big step though so i think it’s ok to take your time and make sure you’re ready!

dang, that makes me sad. kinda weird to do daredevil without him i’d think. that shall be interesting. the punisher was one of my favorites. i really wanted more seasons of that, but i kinda felt that way about all the marvel netflix show lol

oww thanks! hope you enjoy 🥰

beans are a fun way to describe it for me. or it makes me feel less blahh about it lol

that’s always a helpful thing! thanks, i am on a trip with my bff this week but i got horribly sunburned and dont feel like doing anything now lol. hope you’re weeks been good!

[temporalbystander]

Well, I got told in order so I guess in order it is. Seriously though, if it was so important to watch these in order you'd think someone would have put more effort into making sure they were released in order. Onto Protection. Btw Wayzz was the first kwami I actually met. Nice guy unsure of how well he got along with Nino though, maybe it was good for him to loosen up a bit?

Okay seriously, how did I not know this until now? It seems like they do this a lot! I wonder how soon before the Akuma this was?

... Why no I'm not biting the inside of my cheek to stop me hissing like a wild cat, doing that once this school year was enough... Thank god nobody god that on tape... Anyway, since Kagami is about to meet up with the others maybe that will tell me when this happened.

... okay hear me out. I'm not upset that she's saying this, she's right. I'm also not upset that it's Lila saying it, she is still right. What I'm upset by is that this is pretty much the exact same conversation I had with Kagami after finding about the excursion to the wax museum. Which tells me one of two things. Either I'm to much like Lila, god help me, or that Lila is way too good at knowing what to say.

Oh wow we're jumping straight to the Ferris wheel? Thought there would have been a lot more of the build up shown, there was a brainstorm of like six other plans before we landed on this one. Honestly I was amazed at how quickly we agreed this could work. And if you're curious, yes I was with Adrien's group. Probably why it didn't click with Kagami saying she had to leave.

This is where I got iffy on the plan. I just don't like the idea of messing with anythings programming, no matter how good Max is. The idea of keeping an eye on Markov while he updates makes me uneasy.

And it was at this point where I realised that, despite being perfectly sound on paper, there was no way in hell this would work. Not only that, I expected a return of Pigeon Man. Mainly because I doubted messing this up would make anyone on kitty section upset and they were the only other ones to have a big role.

... yeah. This part reaffirmed my belief that everyone was way to invested in this relationship. I had planned on disabling it before they got into the pod but... Marc and Nathaniel were very insistent on making sure everything went to plan.

... I need to double-check to see if this is what Marinette actually said in my timeline. If yes then Alya lied to me just to win a bet. She was so insistent that Marinette had moved beyond the miscommunication stage that I was certain she knew something I didn't.

Pretty sure I left at this point. I was to busy trying to hold in my laughter. Initially I thought the whole fairy tale angle was childish and that these two should take their writing more seriously. Then it hit me that Paris has superheroes now and the ones they are trying to get together were those heroes. It was a real life romantic comedy and every time it was brought up nearly split my side.

[munson-blurbs]

Maybe an angst blurb about Eddie and his gf have officially graduated and maybe moved out together. But Eddie’s still in his immature phase and still goes to the school and plays D&D all the time and his gf is really wanting him to grow up and get a job and start focusing on life not a fantasy game. Get into a big fight about his being immature and still playing games with kids when he’s turning 21 soon etc I love your writing so much by the way

Please reblog this if it comes on your feed; Tumblr isn't showing my blog in search or tags. Thank you!

Warnings: language, angst, not a happy ending, gn!reader

WC: 711

A/N: This is sad. I'm sorry. One of my pet peeves is fics where someone messes up really badly and it's unrealistically fixed at the end, so I didn't want to do that. Pls forgive me <3

--

7:30 pm. Dinner's been on the table for 45 minutes, stone cold at this point. You would heat up your portion in the microwave and eat without him, but you've lost your appetite.

After a long week of work and classes, Friday nights should be your time to decompress. So much of your "free" time was spent poring over your notes or writing essays, wishing you could just watch TV and snuggle up with Eddie. You'd also had to pick up extra shifts lately, as Corroded Coffin's gig weren't enough for Eddie to cover his portion of the rent. Long story short, you're utterly exhausted.

At 9:00, Eddie bursts through the apartment door. "Sorry, sorry," he mutters, purposefully avoiding your glare. "The campaign went on longer than I anticipated, and then Wheeler needed a ride home because Nancy had already left for her date, so--"

"Save it," you snap, eyes welling with tears. "I'm so fucking sick and tired of this, Eddie. I cooked dinner for us, and you're lucky money's so tight, or I would've just thrown it all away." You turn to your bedroom but stop before you get there. "And do you know why money is tight?"

Eddie's eyes graze the floor, unable to meet yours. "Because I don't have a job," he mumbles under his breath.

"Yes, Eddie. Because you don't have a job. And any time that you could spend finding one, you choose to plan campaigns for a club at a school you don't even go to anymore!" You wince as you feel yourself yelling. Shouting was how your mom maintained her control over the family, and you promised not to do the same. Well, look at you now.

"They're still my friends," he offers lamely. "I thought you liked them, too."

You scoff. "Don't try that manipulative shit with me. You know I love your friends. What I don't love," you add pointedly, "is you waltzing in here at whatever time you want, missing dinner, and throwing some pathetic excuse at me, week after week."

Eddie's silent, chewing on a lock of his hair, so you continue.

"You promised me," you say, choking back a sob, "that we would be a family. Give each other the love and patience we didn't have growing up. How are we supposed to be a family if you won't even put in minimal effort to support me?"

He reaches out to take your hand, but you pull away before he can grab it. "Don't," you hiss. "Just leave me alone. Go sleep at Wayne's."

You've never kicked him out before, but you can't even bear to feel his presence right now. Your heart sinks thinking of the love and energy you've invested into this relationship: the sleepless nights helping him study so he could finally graduate, cheering him on during gigs when you really needed to crash, staying in Hawkins so he could be near his uncle when all you'd ever wanted was to hightail it out of this town.

"C-can't I just sleep on the couch?" he asks softly. "We can talk about it in the morning."

You shake your head. "No, Eddie." There's finality in your tone. "All we ever do is talk about it, but nothing changes. Until you get your shit together and start acting like an adult, I'm done. We're done."

"We're done? Are you...breaking up with me?"

You bite your bottom lip, willing your body to stop shaking. "I need an adult relationship with an adult boyfriend. I've given you countless opportunities to be what I need, and I've realized..." You take a deep breath before continuing. "I've realized that I can't make you do this for me. But I also can't run myself ragged trying to save our relationship."

Eddie's crying now, tears streaming down his face. "I fucked up so bad," he says, though you're unsure if he's talking to you or himself. "I'm so sorry." But he goes into the room and pulls out a suitcase, haphazardly throwing in an assortment of clothes.

As he leaves, dragging his bag behind him, he turns back to you. "I love you."

You just nod, and he closes the door behind him. You love him, too. But sometimes, that isn't enough.

--

[growingstronglikeahighgardenrose]

Sanditon Season 2: all the news & my thoughts

So, we're getting not one but two new seasons of Sanditon! After a year of tremendous effort on behalf of the Sanditon sisterhood who kept the fandom alive, we'll be looking at a new season. Although I think the biggest thank you probably goes out to Bridgerton, which showed that romance, regency, a diverse cast and butts are a perfect mix to lure audiences.

I want to take this moment to reflect on what I think we'll win, what we'll lose and what we can expect in the future.

1. No Sidlotte HEA

This is probably the most heartbreaking salty news we could get. But I know Theo James, he likes new projects. And after divergent's disaster, I can't blame the boy for not wanting to hang onto another franchise. As a fanfic writer, although mainly an Esther/Babington one, I broke my head for over a year on how to get Sidlotte together. I had to imagine the grandest schemes to get them together. Tom needed 10 000 pounds in less than a month. Even Babington was probably not worth that much. That's over 6 million in today's money if adjusted to inflation. Regency era's England's top 1-2% made that in a full a year, and most of that is probably in assets and investments. And they don't just get to keep that money, most used a good chunk of it to keep their estates running and to pay their staff. Anyone know someone who has a casual 6 million lying around?

There's only two realistic solutions: either have Eliza die: which would be cruel and take years (unless you kill her in childbirth 9 months in), or create a grand scheme that would take months and see Sidney, Crowe and Babington actively work hard on their 'business' while in the meantime Charlotte, Lady Denham and Lady Susan get everyone including the prince regent to come to Sanditon. I kind of accepted they would have a hard time getting out of that plot twist. It was likely that Sidlotte could not be endgame.

Personally, I never felt a strong connection to Sidlotte, and had hoped that Charlotte, like Jane Bennet, would go to London with Lady Susan to recover from her heartbreak, and I kind of hoped James Stringer would eventually go down there for his apprenticeship, where a sort of Captain Wentworth-like situation would come to exist where he is a young man trying to make something of himself. I know Charlotte didn't love him. But I also knew that Charlotte wanted adventure and perhaps needed to grow as a person. But in the new season she'll probably be a bit jaded, closed off, and depressed. And will probably need a softer more available man. Growing up goes with swinging to extremes. She was an open optimist at the beginning, and eventually turned to the opposite, not letting her emotions shine through and being very guarded (@miss-holly-goes-lightly did a wonderful post on this). Adulthood is finding a good balance again.

So while I am saddened, because this brings along a long set of questions like: "Does Sanditon still take place in Sanditon then?" "Where will Sidney live, will he then live in London with his wife?" "Why doesn't he come help his brother the next season or visit his family, as we know Tom will make a mess of things" The show will have to answer these questions in a believable manner.

2. No Beaufort twins

Mollie Holder said on her instagram that the Beauforts wouldn't be returning. This leads to quite a few questions like: where will Georgiana stay then? What will be happening to Mrs. Griffiths? Will Georgiana be her sole ward while the Beaufort's absence is explained as them having married or having become governesses?

3. Who remains aboard

Rose Williams is definitely on board. It's also pretty certain Tom will be there again. Lady Denham is also likely to return. The child actors and their parents were willing, but worried about their increasing age a few months back. Old Stringer said he'd have loved to be part of Sanditon again and to see it continue, but he's well... dead on the show so he won't return. So who will join Charlotte?

Leo Sutter might not return. He plays an important role in the next spin-off of vikings. Vikings has a new season each year. On top of that he's currently busy recording Gateway 6. We don't know how long that might take. And perhaps by the time filming ends he's required for the next season of the Walhalla series. Leo Sutter is a rising star, he might not even have the time to return. Especially for two seasons. At his age and point in his career, he needs to cement his name, or he'll remain b-list while he has a-list potential. So he might have to give up Sanditon for his career. It's sad, I'd love a Stringer/Charlotte future where they both grow to being suitable for each other while becoming people confident in their own abilities. But in the end, I would be alright with it, as Charlotte didn't express immediate interest in him. Writing him out would also be fairly easy, they could just write that despite thinking he had to stay home after his father's death, he went to London in the end under Charlotte's encouragement. Perhaps he could then come back for a guest appearance.

Crystal Clarke will reprise her role as Georgiana. Clarke has, since Sanditon, spoken out about the sometimes tone-deaf director and scriptwriters. She had to step in a few times to make sure Georgiana was done justice. She also said she hoped Georgiana, if the show was continued, would get the space to breathe and be independent, instead of playing a minor role as token black friend of Charlotte while under the control of Sidney. It will be complex to have her return without involving Sidney, as his character will have to be written out. I imagine this can be done with a timejump, but the timejump would have to be 4 years to make Georgiana 'of age' as she is 17 in the show. They'll probably place her under someone's care while saying Sidney is "still her guardian, but away". Georgiana is, in my opinion, an essential part of Sanditon. Bridgerton showed the world wanted to see diverse faces. Austen wrote a black character as a wealthy and desirable woman. They simply have to do more with her in the future. Clarke will reprise her role, this time with black writers to do justice to her character. I'm excited to see what will be done.

The actor who plays Arthur, Turlough Convery, is a good actor and mostly in period pieces. However he's never overly in demand, and usually stays with shows for multiple seasons. I think he's quite willing to come back and it means Georgiana would have a friend. I also hope they delve into his character, especially after his "I don't think i'll ever get married".

Matthew Needham and Mark Stanley, Crowe and Babington, are Sidney's best friends. It will be hard to have them come back without them explaining why Sidney is never with them. But I believe they would work well as a duo: the drunk and the one braincell are a fun dynamic. Both are not much in demand, despite that I quite like them as actors. So we might see them returning. Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Charlotte Spencer's Esther Denham is married to Babington. Without Babington returning, how can Esther? And vice versa. Their storyline was also the main romance for me and a big part of the last few episodes. They kinda need to return. Babington is also Sanditon's access point to high society. To cash in on Bridgerton's success they should search that royal connection. Babington is friends with the Prince Regent. On top of that he has the most money. If he hosts a party and Charlotte is invited, this is where they get those grand-bridgertonesque scenes.

Lily Sacofsky's Clara had a romantic subplot with Crowe. In their final unaired scene they went to London together. She could return. However, the chances are quite slim. Clara is in London, and Sanditon takes place in Sanditon. Unless Lady Susan takes Charlotte to London for a while and she meets Clara and Edward there, cooking up a plan to get back at Esther and Lady Denham.

4. Predictions

There's no words to describe the popularity of Bridgerton, so this WILL influence Sanditon. I predict: more sex, more scandal, and even more ahistorically modern ideas and characters, multiple female characters and multiple male characters that each get screentime and their separate storylines and developments like in bridgerton, instead of just Charlotte's pov we follow. Glamorous scenes. And more POC.

The season will start with a timejump in all likeliness (as it is easier so they don't have to focus too much on her grieving). Charlotte will catch us up with what has happened while perhaps narrating over some letters she's written to georgiana and lady susan. She'll return to Sanditon during a summer. Sanditon will have been partially rebuilt with Eliza's money, and many activities will be planned. Sanditon will be in some kind of trouble. Charlotte will still be a planner. Her being very actively involved in things and having a vision was one of the most alluring parts of her character. In the books there was a rival town Tom hated. That might be a bit tricky to adapt so they could introduce some local competition for attention around Sanditon. A local duke hosting parties could overshadow tom's events. Or the social season in London could lure everyone there instead of to Sanditon. Charlotte will try to help Tom with this while getting reacquainted with everyone still in Sanditon, and hearing about the reasons why Sidney/Esther/Stringer/The Beauforts (to be seen) aren't in the show anymore. She'll also rebuild her relationship with Georgiana.

Then one day for an event Charlotte will invite Lady Susan, who will invite her to the London season to get over her heartache à la Jane Bennet. Charlotte will join Lady Susan to lure a crowd to Sanditon. There, she'll be confronted with some of her demons of the past season. Perhaps a pregnant Eliza Campion makes an appearance to rub it in Charlotte's face. In Sense & Sensibility Margaret discovered Willoughby's relationship in a most shocking manner in an almost public setting. Sanditon likes to nod at all Austen books so this could be a nod at that book when Charlotte discovers unpleasant news in a public manner. Charlotte will congratulate her and wish them happiness, and afterwards either a girlpower moment could happen with Lady Susan or Georgiana supporting her, or a love moment. Mrs Campion has tried to talk Charlotte down in front of people in the past, if she did it again, a new love interest could step in at that time to compliment her and then take her off for a dance. That could be an emotional moment for her, as she realized her feelings for Sidney in London during a dance the last time around as well. And she could have her cinderella moment by excusing herself and running off after the dance, uncertain of her feelings. She'll have some grand balls, might be harrassed by a man and risk a scandal, or try and prevent Georgiana from ruin during a scandal.

At the last moment she'll succeed in her goal and lure a crowd to Sanditon's events that will put Sanditon on the map. Either the local competitive duke, or someone from London will be impressed with her, but she won't be ready to marry yet. I trust that by the end of the second season, she'll finally have a realisation that she's quite happy with how she's living her life and how good her work is, and that she has finally stopped feeling sad. So the second season will stop with her atop a cliff, letting go of the traumatic loss she suffered on that same cliff a season before. By the end of the season, one or two love interests will be set up for the last season.

So the nudity and big romance will have to come from elsewhere. Georgiana will get more agency and action in the next seasons. She could be trying to tempt Charlotte in joining her adventures as a single wealthy independent woman. She might even leave to find her place in the world via boat, returning to where she was last truly happy: Antigua. The second season could maybe end with Charlotte overlooking Georgiana's boat leaving from the previously mentioned clifftop. Another option is Georgiana falling in love with a local man and taken an interest in the town. Financially speaking, Georgiana could be the only one able to save Sanditon. But I don't think she owes the town anything. Another option is the writers focus on Georgiana navigating her relationship with Otis, who might be back home for a holiday after navy duty. We could also see some political debates à la Poldark S5 about freedom, servitude, independence and so on. The first plan for Georgiana doesn't even have to exclude the second, she could decide to sail away with Otis to find their place in the world. In any case: race shall not be brushed under the carpet and Georgiana will kick some shins on her way to her happy ending. In Jane Austen, we have rarely seen a woman who tried to elope, or escape her guardian, get a happy ending. Georgiana Darcy, Eliza Williams, Eliza's mother, ... they're all tragic tales of women falling for bad guys who try to steal their virtue or take their money. And in the end they always become dependent on men again. I hope in Sanditon Georgiana will learn and grow herself, instead of being coddled by men. A lot could be done.

Esther and Babington could be a very cool insert if the actors join. They can really connect the high society to Sanditon. They could host balls, invest in Sanditon or drive the London plot. But they can also be an emotional backbone to the show. Esther married Babington, but she wasn't in love yet. I'm not a fan of the edward/Esther angle. After all he did, I rather she hated him with burning passion and never spoke to him again. But he could try to blackmail her and ruin her reputation in London. Perhaps become some kind of Lord Whistledown. With Charlotte coming to Esther's aid. Esther's plotline could be about learning to trust people and open her heart again. Perhaps she could have a conflict with Babington about him wanting a family and she still being uneasy with marriage, let alone children. Maybe they could have a fight, with one of them going to London. In their separation they might realize they love each other. And then the other comes back home from London with Charlotte and they fix everything. Another route is them having a fight, Esther going to confront Edward or Clara about their blackmailing or maneouvring. Babington thinks it's because she doesn't love him, but actually it's because she loves Babington and wants to be rid of her past. But she gets into an accident and Babington only realizes the truth later on, leading to a happy ending.

Other things I'd love to see: Mary finally growing a backbone and telling Tom to either be open about his affairs and finances or be gone. Arthur and Diana growing a backbone and telling their brother he's a fuck up. Charlotte realizing Tom is stupid. Lady Denham appointing Charlotte or Arthur to head of Sanditon after showing their worth an entire season. Tom being repentant. Diana getting over her fears. Arthur getting a love interest. Crowe being in Sanditon, I just love him. Kisses. Healthy love interests that aren't broody and traumatized and in need of fixing by women. Jane Austen's men need to do their growing ON THEIR OWN. And then they earn their brides.

5. What we'll lose

- A Sidlotte ending: once the new season comes out, Sidlotte is no longer headcanon.

- A happy Esther/Babington ending: they married and looked happy, despite Esther's rushed turn around. If they're in the new season, their marriage won't be perfect. They'll have conflicts, just for plot. Whatever headcanons we had for them will probably be falsified. We might come to dislike them or their relationship. I've seen almost all my ships crumble to dust on the rocks of multiple seasons dragging out relationships and piling on conflict just to keep it interesting.

- A part of what made Sanditon Sanditon: we'll lose many faces we've come to love. And the dynamics and relationships will therefore change a lot.

- Fanfics become dated: I know it is the problem of every fandom, but it's one I regret all the same. Part of why I love Austen fandoms is the fact that the books are written. The characters and relationships won't change. With 2 new seasons coming, all fanfics out there will become dated. The millions of hours authors put into Sidlotte fics will perhaps become barely read when Charlotte gets new love interests. All the headcanons I and many others wrote down for Sidlotte, Esther/Babington, Charlotte/Stringer, will officially become silly fantheories. I've been there a couple of times before that shows changed the entire course and personality of certain characters and then you can't help but feel exhausted and sometimes annoyed because these are your babies and you had dreams for them, and the writers took them in directions that sometimes don't do them justice. But it's canon so you gotta accept it. Sometimes fantasy is nicer than a writer toying around with storylines and characters just to create drama. And I'll have to write my characters in a new way that fits the characters based on the info from the new seasons. I might fall out of love with them. Ah, the burden of being a shipper weighs heavy.

- Perhaps we still lose a HEA: Season one ended with a happy babington/Esther and an unhappy Charlotte who learned a lot, and a Sanditon that was saved. Although Sanditon has been extended for two seasons it's possible that if the ratings for S2 aren't good they may still cancel the third season. If they don't learn from their mistakes and end season 2 on another cliffhanger even Esther's relationship and sanditon may be at stake. If they're getting 2 seasons they will also not marry or engage charlotte in the second, meaning Charlotte will still be single by the end of the series if they cancel season 3. The whole reason we wanted more seasons was for charlotte to have a HEA. So I'm really fearful that she'll be put in another hard spot. They at least need to get her happy by the end of S2.

6. What we'll gain

- More sanditon content

- More regency era content and images and music which is always lovely

- Seeing our favourites again

- Hopefully we get to see new challenges and romance and humor and tense moments and scandal and drama that will be fun to watch

- A Georgiana story arc: a black woman in a realistic historical setting living her life, being wealthy, and England just having to Deal With It. And as cherry on top she'll be written by black writers.

- Happy endings (hopefully)

- New hot men! This is a guarantee

- Perhaps LGBTQ+ representation with Arthur

- Frustration at Tom's antics (guaranteed)

- Maybe some interactions with Charlotte's siblings

- Esther Babington content

- New material to write fanfics and metas about

- Over 8 hours of viewing pleasure

[winterinhimring]

for the character ask, maedhros (i really enjoy how you write him)

Thanks so much for sending this ! Maedhros is one of my favourite Tolkien characters and I will always be happy to talk about him.

For reference, the character ask is here.

How I feel about him: Oh my. I have a lot of feelings about Nelyo. I'll freely admit that there was a time when I had a crush on him, and though that wore off quite a while ago, it led to me building a very vivid mental picture of his character and mental processes, which came in handy in writing WOTR. I really like him as a character because (as I mentioned above) there are just so many layers to his character and experiences, and different actions come from different layers in different degrees. He's involved in some interesting ethical quandaries too, since I read the Oath as a partial mental compulsion, but one that could be resisted at least for a time by a sufficiently determined person. (If I were to meet him in person, of course, I think I my feelings would mostly be terrified awe.)

Who I ship romantically with him: Nobody, really. I can see him having a romantic relationship in Valinor, though I'm not deeply invested in the idea, but in Beleriand I headcanon him as being too busy and also too much of a mess mentally to really maintain one. (My mental picture of him in Beleriand is probably shaped the most by the fic Deeds of Surpassing Valor.)

Non-romantic OTP: I know Fingon is the fandom fave for both Maedhros' brOTP and OTP, but I'm honestly kind of ambivalent towards him. I don't dislike him, it's just that we've never clicked for whatever reason. If we're speaking strictly of canon, I'm not entirely sure that I have a brOTP for Maedhros.

In the world of my fic The War of the Ring, though, I'd say Frodo, and/or Boromir. Frodo because they have a shocking amount in common and proved to be very good at understanding one another, Boromir because he and Maedhros had a really interesting plot arc to work through, and wound up defending Minas Tirith together, which (in my biased opinion) was pretty awesome. So I guess if you made me pick just one I'd say Boromir.

Unpopular opinion: Hmm...I suppose this depends on your definition of unpopular, but I do hold him guilty for his participation in the kinslayings. I don't know that he saw a way out of the ongoing kinslayings by the time he got to, say, Sirion, but that doesn't mean that there wasn't one, and that doesn't mean he's not guilty for what happened. He's murdered a lot of people and he really doesn't have an excuse. An explanation, sure, but not an excuse. You could also count my non-shipping of him with Fingon as this.

One thing I wish had happened with him in canon: Well...I wish that there had been a way for him to survive. I wish that he literally at any point in the story would have looked at the way he and his brothers were dooming themselves over the Silmarils and said, "nope, we're out, we're breaking the oath/finding away around it". But so much of what makes him interesting comes from the very actions that I want to undo, which is always the challenge with rewriting Tolkien because everything is so tightly connected.

Hearing that you enjoy reading my Maedhros was very encouraging and I had lots of fun answering your ask. Thank you for sending it!

[cashtonwoah-blog]

Better Man // Part 2

Hey guys! Hope you liked the first part of Better Man, my newest fanfict for Ashton! I'm really enjoying writing this, and felt inspired recently as I have just returned from a holiday! Enjoy this second part.

Warnings: light smut, swearing, slight mention of controlling relationships.

****

"He called you cute?!" Camila squeeled with delight, as I recalled the events from earlier in the day.

I sighed, but smiled a little. For once Camila actually sounded invested in one of my guy stories.

"And then... His mate just walked off with him?!" she asked confused.

"Well, Luke his friend, and band mate, basically dragged him back to have a nap, he'd had so much to drink Cami" I scoffed.

"He's in a band?!" Ed gasped.

"Go Y/N! You've pulled! " Camila cheered, clapping.

"Comeon guys, I was just providing support. He was quite drunk so I bet he doesn't remember any of it". I chuckle, picking up my drink and heading back to the bar after finishing my break. I wasn't try to make a big deal out of the chat with the boy as it wasn't a big deal, but he was kinda cute. And it was nice that he felt comfortable talking to me.

****

"Lucky number 7, numero siete" I hear the entertainer Sami shout from the stage. Bingo was a very popular game in the hotel, especially as the old folk found it fun. I'd noted that the hotel was busier tonight, filled with all ages, which meant good business. I'd already had to stop 2 guys on a stag do from having more alcohol. I continued to make my favourite cocktail for a lady at the bar, Love On The Beach, which had vodka, strawberry flavouring with peach schnaps and a dash of lemonade. I presented the lady with the drink, to which she lightly clapped.

"Excuse me miss?" I hear a voice say at the bar. I turn around and see the curly haired boy, looking rather sleepy. His hair was messier than usual, and he was dressed in the same clothes are he had on 5 hours earlier. He rubbed his hand in the back of his head in an awkward fashion.

"Well hello rockstar, back for another drink?" I jokingly ask.

He smirks, sitting down at the bar, placing his head in the palm of his hands. I decide to make him a special drink. It was my first drink I learnt from Camila, a hangover cure! Orange juice, lemonade and a few other secret ingredients. I make the drink up, and place it in front of him.

"Please tell me there's no gin in this" he groans, lifting his head up from the bar table to inspect the drink.

I chuckle. "None what so ever sir".

He goes to give me a €10 note to pay for the drink. I wave my hand across my chest.

"No charge, its on me" I smile, pushing the drink closer towards him. He replies with a wide smile, I note his big ___ eyes, looking at me.

"Thanks Y/N" he replies, taking a sip. He subtlety moans.

"That's lovely".

"Enjoy... D'you know, I never got your name." I chuckle.

"Really? How rude of me." the boy laughs, offering me his hand.

"My names Ashton" he says, shaking my hand.

"So I wanted to apologise for earlier, I wasn't myself, and normally I'm not that much of a drinker like that" he said.

"It's okay, I've heard a lot worse stories over the past few months. I witnessed a divorce at this very bar, so you're good" I reply.

"Wow" is all his reply is. He takes another sip of the drink, followed by 2 headache tablets.

"Did you have some dinner?" I ask.

"Not yet, I'm waiting for Luke and Sierra and then we'll head out for the night" he replies.

"So is Luke a friend in your band?".

"Yup, he's the guitarist and vocalist, I'm the drummer" he says proudly.

"That's so cool!" I smile. As I attempt to find out more about Ashton, I hear a clicking of a finger and find a big old gentlemen trying to beckon me over to his side of the bar. I sigh.

"Excuse me Ashton" I say, walking to the gentlemen.

"Finally! I've been waiting for service for ages!" the old man moans.

"I do apologise sir, how may I help?" I reply awkwardly.

****

Its 1am, and the stag do have finally left the bar to head into the town centre for a night out. I sigh in relief, tidying up so I can close up and head home for the night. It was my day off tomorrow so I was looking forward to a lie in. I decided to start clearing the tables first, filling my tray with cocktail glasses. I hear a smash of glass, I turn around and see Margot by shattered glass.

I groan, heading over to her with a brush and pan. I smile at her, and let her get on with cleaning up the mess. She just shrugs at me, and proceeds to clean up. Throughout my shift, all I've thought about is Ashton, and how lovely he was. For the rest of the night before Luke and Sierra returned, we talked about lots in between me serving customers. We spoke about living in England, something both of us had done.

"Don't you miss home?" I questioned.

"Yeah, but the boys and I knew that we had to leave Aus a bit to try and get known musically. It was brilliant, living on our own, no rules, no nagging mums-" he says.

"No cleaning" I interrupted, laughing. He gives me a playful nudge at my comment.

"So did you live alone in England before moving here?" he asks.

"I actually lived with my Dad until he remarried, which became difficult to I decided to stay here for good!" I reply with a smile.

Ashton pouts. "But do you not miss home?" he asks.

"Not really. I have bad memories of home, with family and other people, so it was nice to start all over here again" I reply.

"I get it, like I miss home but so much has happened since I moved out and focused on the band" Ashton smiles.

****

I continued to clean the bar, and manage to finish around 2am. I sigh looking at my Apple Watch, noting the time. I head to reception to sign out, and am greeted by Ashton, sat on the chairs, like he was waiting for someone.

"Hey Rockstar" I smile tiredly, trying to hide my yawn.

"Hey Y/N, going home?" he asks.

"Yup, off tomorrow which will be nice".

Ashton looks somewhat disappointed. "Oh? So I won't see you tomorrow?" he replies, looking at the floor.

"Not at work nope, but if you're in the town or about maybe I'll say hey" I wink, confused at why he appeared so disappointed.

"That would be nice, Luke and Sierra were thinking of heading to the beach tomorrow, so maybe see you around" Ashton says.

"Well personally, I'd go to the one further down towards the airport. Its much nicer and better quality sand, if you get me. I head there with Cami and Ed often, it's nice" I smile.

"I take it Ed and Cami are mates?" he asks.

"Yup, Cami is a cleaner here at the hotel and Ed works on reception." I reply.

"That's cool, well maybe I'll say hey to them if I see them around, point out next time? He asks.

"Will do, enjoy your night Ashton" I smile, signing my name and walk towards the exit.

"Goodnight Y/N" he smiles at me, before walking away.

****

I couldn't sleep last night, which was weird for me. Normally, I'm out like a light, but last night was different. I had Ashton on my mind and I couldn't work out why. The way he smiled at me, made me laugh all night at the bar. The sparkle in his Hazel eyes got made me feel gooey.

I decided to get up, and head to the local Spar to get some food bits for the day. I parked my car in the car park, and headed into the store. I grabbed a roll, some Lays crisps and a bottle of Pepsi. I turned into the sweet section and overheard a woman with an American accent laughing.

"Luke! There here, come get the candy" she laughed, before walking into the same section as me. I stopped, and recognised the voice as Sierra, Luke's girlfriend.

"Oh hello" I warmly smile, continuing my shopping and placing some strawberry laces in my basket.

"Hey Y/N, Ash said you had a day off today!" Sierra says, grabbing the same bag of sweets.

"Do I hear my name?" I hear Ashton say, as he turns the corner into where we're stood. As soon as he sees me, his face lights up like a little boy in Christmas day. I playfully wave at him. He comes over.

"Hey Y/N, did you decide on a beach day too?" Ashton says.

"As a matter of fact I did! I take it you listened to my suggestion of this beach?" I say, pointing to the beach over the road from the shop.

"Ahhh so you recommend it... That explains a lot." Sierra winked at Ashton.

"Well it would be rude of us to not invite you along to sit with us for the day, if you wanted?" Sierra asks.

"That would be lovely, thank you. It's always nice to have some company on my days off" I reply, excited at the fact that I get to spend time with them, as they seemed like a good bunch of mates.

Ashton smiled over at me, beckoning me over to the sweet counter.

"Now Y/N, what other sweets should we get?" he asks.

****

"You're definitely cheating!" Ashton insists, pouting like a four year and throwing the cards onto the blanket.

I laugh, picking up the cards and start to reshuffle the deck. It's the 5th round of Rummy and Ashton had lost every single round.

"What can I say, I'm just too good for you" I wink playfully. Ashton rolls his eyes, poking my chest playfully. I watch Sierra and Luke, who are play wrestling on the beach. Its been good hanging out with the three of them for the day. They've spoken a lot about the band, Luke and Sierra's relationship and planning future holidays.

"They're cute together" I admire the couple dancing on the beach. I look over at Ashton, who is also looking at them.

"Yeah, they've been through a lot those guys, I love them lots" he smiles. "They've both been great friends to me, especially recently".

"Can I ask you, what actually happened with your ex?" I asked curiously, not wanted to upset him.

"Myself and Kay had been dating for 6 months, things were going well, but I found myself not being able to give her my full attention, with everything that was going well with 5SOS. She started to make me feel guilty for being away from her. I tried to make effort more, but in the end she wanted more than I could offer. I tried to end up several times, but each time she'd come up with a different excuse or reason not to. In the end I stupidly invited her on this holiday with Luke and Sierra to try and calm things down. Biggest mistake. She took it as a sign that we would be getting back together, but I kept saying to her that I just want to be friends. We sat down the other day and she ended up storming off. So... That's it" Ashton said, his head facing down the whole time.

I pause, taking it all it. "I'm so sorry, it must have been difficult." I reply, placing a reasurring hand on his back.

"It's okay. I just feel bad that she wanted more from me that I can offer. She knew my schedule. I just wish I could find someone that understands that" he sighs.

"I get you, like a no strings things?" I ask.

"Basically yeah, it's how things with her started, but then it clearly got more complicated. Feelings get mixed up. Sex turns into moving in. It went quickly." he says.

"I get that. My ex jumped ahead, its scary, especially if you aren't ready for it" I reply, sighing.

"You went through the same thing?" Ashton asks, looking at me.

I pause, preparing myself to tell the story.

"Yup, and it ended messy. We dated for 5 months. Started off as a hook up after meeting on Tinder, and somehow he turned it into a relationship. I basically felt forced into it, he kept saying 'it's the right thing' when in reality I didn't want it. He insisted on making it a serious relationship, meeting family and making it official on social media. When I tried to end it, all I'd get is abuse, calling me crazy and stupid. In the end I managed to leave him, but he ended up stalking me for weeks after. In the end I got a retraining order, and I've had no trouble since" I said.

Ashton sat and listened to my entire story in silence, nodding a little and sighing with me.

"Wow, you've been through a lot" he said.

"Yup, but then I look at how happy I am now, at my new job, making new friends and meeting new faces each and every day, it gives me so much happiness" I reply smiling. Ashton smiles at this comment, knowing that I'm hinting at him.

"That makes me happy to hear. I'm glad we met y'know Y/N, you're a lovely girl" Ashton says.

"Thanks Ash, I guess you're alright" I reply giving him a wink. He jokingly pushes me to the ground, and jokingly pins me down to the sand, holding both of my hands. We're both laughing, before it all goes quiet. I look deeply into his eyes, memerizing each part of his face. His cute dimples on his cheek, the crease in his lips. Realising what he was doing, all of a sudden he gets up and walks in a circle.

I pause, confused.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, sorry, I shouldnt have done that" he replies worryingly.

"It's okay, we were only messing around. It was funny" I replied, shocked at how serious he was taking this.

"If you're sure, just don't wanna hurt you" he replies.

I laugh. "I'm a big girl Ash, I'll be okay" I laugh. He chuckles, rolling his eyes, before sitting back down on the picnic blanket again.

****

We get back to the Hotel, and I'm greeted by a beaming Camila, who introduces herself to Ashton, Sierra and Luke.

"Please excuse Miss Y/L/N, she's needed in a room urgently." she requests, dragging me arm away to room 263. She pulls me into the room, and I see Ed is already sat there patiently waiting, on the bed, legs and arms crossed.

"What in earth?" I whisper, realising that we're in a guests room.

"Oh don't worry they checked out an hour ago, no one new expected until later on" Cami reasurres me.

"So, spill some tea sis!!!" Ed chimes.

"Why didn't you tell us you were meeting up with the curly haired boy?!" Cami says.

"OK so his name is Ashton, and he's really sweet. We hung out with his friends at the beach, nothing special" I shrug.

"It looked pretty special to me, looked like a double date" Camila smirked. Ed clapped his hands at this.

"Ashton isn't really looking for... Anything... Or anyone for that matter... At the moment, so it definitely wasn't a date, just hanging out." I shrug, trying to contain my excitement that he was pretty cute.

"But still, he is cute girl, you gotta admit that" Camila said, smiling.

"Yeah, he is, I like him". I said, smiling and dancing around the room a little. Ed and Camila join in dancing with me, before we're interrupted by a knock. Camila forgot to shut the door behind her.

"You lot seem... Happy?" Ashton questions, seeing us all dancing. I can feel myself turning bright red, hoping that he didn't hear what I just said.

"Erm.. Yeah, just happy that it's the weekend!" Ed smiles, trying to cover our backs.

"Speaking of which, cool if I grab Y/N?" Ashton asks.

"You go ahead sweetie, we'll be just here". Camila grins from ear to ear, ushering Ed out of the room, and hide behind the corner so they can hear every word. I roll my eyes at this action.

Ashton chuckeled. "Your friends are funny".

"Yeah they're petty decent. Did you have a good day? I hope you liked the beach and that you liked the food also, because I really was worried tha-" I said.

"It was perfect, Y/N, thank you. Luke commented on how much of a great tour guide you were for us today. So thankyou. Plus you have a good eye for nice food!" Ashton smiles, lightly brushing his finger along my cheek. I can feel myself shudder at this light touch, making me legs feel like jelly.

"Speaking of food, to say thank you, I'd like to take you out for dinner tonight, just me and you. Is that okay?" Ashton asked.

I pause, shocked at his request.

"I-I would love to" is all I manage to reply.

"Great, it's a date" he winks, before walking off.

****

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 //

[malexfan10]

Now that my anger has calmed down.....

We got a season 2 renewal!!!

I can't say how happy I am about that. To get the renewal so soon after that wreck of an episode last night means everything! If we had to wait a whole month.....

Trusting the writers to fix what they broke is a whole other thing after that finale. But it can go two ways.

Either they completely decide to screw everyone over and have M&M be endgame (if Michael says 'I never look away' to Maria I will be completely done with it all) or they will test the waters with M&M and when they decide they've had enough, break them up and have Michael go back to Alex. I'm thinking scenario 2.

Now how should this all play out? It sucks that we even got a triangle to begin with and the fact that Michael said 'I never look away' and then ended up looking away to Alex's best friend no less brings my anger back from last night. The fact that Alex was sitting there waiting and wondering, looking at his watch, sad and alone while M&M was happening is not a visual I will forgive the writers for anytime soon. To top that, this ending made Carina happy if it ended there? That still puzzles me. Seriously, lady?? BUT what's done is done. Can't change the past. We can only hope that season 2 is not a terrible shitstorm like last night was.

So how can this all play out? Will Alex be waiting in the sidelines, depressed and upset, watching his best friend and true love across town being happy? I hope not! If they have M&M explore a relationship for half the season or even the whole season, then Alex deserves to move on as well. Do I still want Malex to be endgame? You betcha! But both sides to that relationship deserve happiness, not just Michael. If they can't have it with each other right now because one side has decided his happiness lies elsewhere, then Alex deserves the same treatment.

The last thing I want is for Alex to take that rejection as a sign and shoot his walls back up. He has done amazingly in terms of growth this season and I need his character to keep growing. The boy deserves so much happiness! So does Michael after all he's been through but because he chose Maria and because I dislike the triangle and how those M&M feelings came out of nowhere, he's not my focus right now.

Should a new relationship for Alex be with Kyle? I love that dynamic and I don't want anything to mess with that. Plus, in terms of where they are with each other, there is still so much healing that needs to be done. These two were probably best friends as kids. I love Kyle a lot but you can't fix that friendship overnight. Little by little, they've been making wonderful progress so I want that friendship to flourish next season and an added complication of a relationship won't exactly help. If Malex were completely done, I'd be gutted but I would change my tune on Kylex. But for now, let Alex be with someone new.

All of this is if they keep M&M together for half or most of the season. If it's a one or two episode storyline, then I don't want Alex getting involved with anyone else. But they put the effort to push this triangle so unfortunately, it doesn't seem likely that they will abandon M&M that easily or anytime soon.

Michael and Alex have been through so much in 13 episodes, together and apart. It's why we love their characters and storyline as much as we do because we feel for them and our hearts hurt seeing them tortured. Michael was always searching for a family, for a sense of belonging and when he found his mother, she was taken away in the most cruel and tragic way. But all these people around him see him as family too. They care for him from one degree to another. He's been through a lot on the show but he still has such a huge capacity to love.

For Alex, he started as an abused, scared, gay teenager terrified from his father's actions into choosing a life he never wanted for himself. Did he end up enjoying the Air Force? I think he did because like he said, it felt good winning battles. But at what cost? He put his life and happiness on hold for 10 years and lost his leg in battle. He's the definition of pain and suffering on the show but despite it all, he has always maintained this incredible kindness in his heart that is unmatched.

Alex started the season closed off and unsure and the journey he went through was beautiful to see. He found his inner strength, he faced his demons (Jesse) and he started forgiving those who had hurt him by seeing who they are now (Kyle). He finally reached a place where he wasn't terrified to open his heart to love again. That scene with Michael last episode? That was so pivotal to his storyline. He showed Michael how important he was to him, not just through actions, but through words. Words that have been lacking between them for so much of their history. He was willing to stay and die with him. He wouldn't have been able to have that moment with Michael at the start of the season. Where he was and where he ended up showed the biggest growth from all the characters in my mind. It was easily my favorite personal story arc of the season. Sucks how that growth got spat on last night but it doesn't take away from who Alex is now.

Do I want to see Malex be separated? No, I love them wholeheartedly. I haven't been this invested in a TV couple in a long time probably since Pacey and Joey back in the day. Oh, just a side note - Carina mentioned how she wants Michael to be the Joey Potter of Roswell. Giant No Thank You to that idea. As much as I love DC and PJ, the way Joey ping-ponged between him and Dawson was just ridiculous, never knowing who she wanted until literally the final episode of season 6. That is not what I want to see for Malex. Hope she changes her mind on that idea quick.

But anyway, with Michael choosing his version of a happy ending last night, then Alex certainly deserves the same. I hate that Michael chose Maria. I hate that he knew he and Alex were going to talk but he blew him off and went straight to Maria anyway. I hate that they kissed. I hate that Maria acted on her feelings knowing what Michael means to Alex. I hate that neither thought about Alex in that moment. I hate that he played the guitar in front of her. But if we're going to be forced through more M&M, then let Alex try to move on too.

I want Malex together, of course I do! But if Malex is endgame, and I think that they are, the writers are definitely not making the road easy for them or us. In the meantime, while I fast forward through whatever M&M scenes we're going to be getting, let Alex have some pleasure too. I want them to explore his family more, his mother, his heritage. Just give that boy some love and happiness please!

I love both Vlamis and Tyler equally but it shows how inexperienced Vlamis was with TV fandom. Tyler was a lot more reserved with his interviews - he'd been through it with PLL Haleb vs Spaleb. He expressed how he felt about Malex but that wasn't all he touched on. Vlamis (Oh how I still love him) was all Malex, Malex, Malex for weeks and then the shift in his tone was so obvious. He spoke about M&M a lot more towards the end. The powers that be advised or urged him to do so because everyone knew how the season was ending. But I still love him and of course I love Tyler. The Vlamburn bromance is everything.

I just want to add that Tyler's tweet today really helped heal my heart a bit. He's such a sweetheart for reaching out to the fans and trying to assure us. Knowing we have a season 2, I choose to believe him.

Sorry for the long post. I still hate how it all went down last night, how Alex was left alone and pining while M&M got together. I hate how both Alex and Maria were nothing but props for Michael's storyline. The finale felt rushed and I could probably pick only three things that I liked from the whole episode. Kyle, Liz and Max hugging in the desert and Rosa. I didn't even like that Malex scene in the trailer or Michael telling Isobel he loves Alex because of where it all went.

But now that we have a season 2, we have to look forward. I want to see filming pics and behind-the-scenes when they start planning the season. Hoping that M&M won't be depicted as some grand romance next season because seriously, what the hell? I hope that Alex can continue to grow and his friendship with Kyle grows even stronger. In the end though, I want Malex. I wanted them last night and I want them in the first episode of next season. That's obviously not realistic anymore so all I can hope is that they don't make Alex a sad, lonely, heartbroken 3rd party while they explore M&M being together. Because if they do, this fandom will seriously riot! And no more giving sacred Malex moments to Maria either. Please stop doing that. And flesh Maria's character out more next season too. Away from Michael, preferably, but more than being the bad best friend who hooks up with her besties soulmate. Like, honestly, come on. Girl's got such great potential.

In the meantime, I will bury myself in writing fanfic to tame my anger at that crap ending until season 2 🙂

Vlamburn ❤

[mbti-notes]

1)Hello! I'm a 24 y/o female INFP. Recently I've started a new apprenticeship and since two weeks we're doing only practical things. My problem is, that I come across as very absent minded and unsure of myself, I think even as dumb. My instructor sometimes asks me if something is wrong because I apparently look unsettled und questioning. I've also noticed that my partner (we're often working together as partners) does not believe me when she (I believe an ENTP) is unsure of something and I know

[con’t: answer. She completely ignores me and asks someone else. This has happened a few times and is starting to irritate me. But I don’t really blame her for that since I know that I am often very unsure of my own judgement (especially when it comes to practical things, when it’s something theoretical people believe me more often). I actually like her and I think she also likes me so dislike can’t be the reason for this behaviour.  But I need to do something so I can come across as reliable and sure of myself. Why do I often not believe myself? I also tend to often ask other people for confirmation of something I actually know. Because I don’t trust my own judgement, because I think I can never be 100% sure and I don’t want to do/say something wrong. How can I start to change that? (Also: Your blog is so helpful and interesting. I’ve already made a lot of progress because of it and I always look forward to friday when you answer new questions :) Thank you. You inspire me.)]

I’m glad to hear that you’re making good progress for yourself. You’re right in saying that it will be hard for others to trust you when you keep giving the impression of uncertainty or self-doubt. And you’re right in implying that you shouldn’t take it personally. As much as I like you and trust you as a friend, I can’t trust your knowledge in something if it’s true that you’re not very knowledgeable about that thing. Of course, as a kind and self-aware person, you’ll feel bad for not being able to help.

NPs frequently suffer the problem of being easily thrown into doubt. One of the downsides of being N is that your mind naturally envisions alternatives (Ne) or complications (Ni), and this can mess you up when you don’t know what’s real, especially when your Si and Te functions aren’t well-developed and you’re not able to sequence and organize information very well, or at least, it’s not your first impulse to always sequence and organize information immediately. Perhaps you need to work on your lower functions.

I had a friend in university who was a bio major and he developed an issue with his lab partner because his partner would often take over the experiments and essentially leave him behind, though they both got equal credit grade-wise and my friend got good grades on his own. It seemed as though the partner was very pushy and overbearing to him. However, upon further reflection, the real “problem” was that the lab partner was super-prepared all the time, they knew exactly what to do as soon as they walked into the lab and they carried out the steps efficiently and impeccably, which left no space for anyone else to step in and take part - there wasn’t any malicious intent to be pushy or overbearing. The other side of the issue was that my friend, being INTP, never prepared for things. His strategy was to wing it or to figure it out as he went along, his favorite phrase before a disaster was “It’ll be fine”. Of course, this made his super-prepared partner feel impatient in waiting for him to figure it out or irritated because of having to waste time fixing pointless mistakes. It would be reasonable for the partner to think, “just let me do it”, right?

Since I don’t know the nature of the work you’re doing beyond it being practical work, I can only give general advice. 1) Practical work usually requires you to follow a linear/logical procedure. Know what that procedure is, invest time into memorizing it beforehand so that you are prepared when it’s time to practice. 2) If you do not have the opportunity to prepare beforehand because you’re learning on the spot, then you have to sequence and organize the information on your own, as you learn, so that you will have a procedure to follow come practice time. Make notes because writing something down helps you see and remember the logical structure. 3) If the issue is not following a procedure per se but understanding the WHY behind the procedure, as in why you have to do it this way and not some other way, then you have to think more logically about why someone would lay out the procedure that way, and when all else fails, ask the instructor to explain why before you get into the nitty gritty practice. Ss can usually follow steps without needing to know why they’re designed that way or where they lead, but Ns have a harder time with that because they rely on “the big picture” for arranging the details, so get the big picture first whenever you can (i.e. the overall procedure as well as the logic/theory behind it). 4) If it’s a knowledge issue, then maybe you need to do some studying on your own time so that you can feel more caught up and thus more confident.