#thanks for bearing with me while i talk myself through character things

[cozage]

Hi, Coza! I hope you are doing well! I miss your writings and am so excited to see your requests are open! :)

I saw a post by sunshinescribes that talked about how Law doesn’t believe in unconditional love and how he thinks relationships should be transactional. Hopefully I can properly link it here because they do a really good job at explaining it: https://www.tumblr.com/sunshinescribes/728643191573757952/i-think-the-most-tragic-part-of-laws-character-is

I was wondering if it was possible to have a scenario based off of this post of reader just appreciating and loving Law because they want to. Like maybe they’re just waking up and reader is using the rare moment of peace and quiet in bed to spill all of their love and sappy thoughts to him. He deserves all of the comfort, love, and care 😭

A/N: Thanks for this devastatingly lovely prompt! Here's the post for everyone if you want to go give it a read (and a like!) Characters: gn reader x Law Cw: none :)  Total word count: 850

There Are No Conditions

The way the light refracted through the cabin window in the morning and bounced off of Law’s ravenous hair was one of your favorite things in this world. It was one of the few times he didn’t have a scowl on his face. He rarely smiled in his sleep, but his face almost always looked so peaceful. His eyelids fluttered for a moment, and then his face turned soft again. He must have been having a good dream. 

You noticed he was starting to get a few gray hairs. He must have been under some kind of stress recently. Though he always seemed to be since you all had entered the New World. You knew he had a lot on his mind, and you wished there was something you could do to make his life easier. You wanted to bear that burden with him. 

“Do you need something?” Law’s voice came out hoarse, but his sudden alertness had startled you slightly. 

“Nothing at all,” you said sweetly. “Just admiring you in this light.”

He groaned and pulled you in closer to him. “We’re getting curtains at the next island.”

You gave an exasperated gasp, but snuggled in tightly to him knowing his threat was empty. “And you would deny me of such a simple pleasure for what? Extra sleep?”

His eyes cracked open at your words and he peered down at you. “You cannot enjoy watching me sleep.”

You gave a sheepish smile. “It’s one of my favorite things in this world, Trafalgar Law. In fact, you’re one of my favorite things in this whole world, so everything that you do is automatically good in my eyes.”

He rolled his eyes, clearly not believing you. “Flattery is a little thick today. You might want to tone it down, or I’ll catch on to the fact that you want something.”

You stuck your tongue out at his words. “All I wanted was to look at you while you sleep!”

“Freak.” He paired his words with a kiss to your forehead to show he didn’t actually mean them. 

The two of you were silent for a while. You thought he had fallen back asleep, so you occupied your time tracing over his tattoos. But after a few minutes, he spoke again.

“Okay, seriously-” He pulled back slightly to look at you. He tended to do that when he wanted to make sure you were being truthful. “What did you want to do today?”

You were never good at hiding your emotions. You knew they had all washed over your face in a matter of seconds, and Law could read them all with intense precision. Confusion. Knowing. Irritation. And then, understanding. 

“I don’t want anything from you, Law,” you explained. “I was just…enjoying the view? I don’t know how to say it correctly. I find myself staring sometimes because I find you interesting.”

Law’s brows scrunched together in confusion. “If you wanted a good view, the deck and the sea are far more interesting. Especially at this time of day.”

You gave a humorless laugh. “I love you more than I love the sea, idiot.”

He froze at those words, and you could see him struggling to make sense of them. “So you were staring at me…?”

“Because I love you,” you finished for him. 

That didn’t seem to help. “And you love me because…?”

“I don’t know!” You gave out a sharp laugh at the thought. “There are no reasons and so many reasons! But there are no conditions for my love, Law! I just love you because I love you. I can’t say exactly why I love you. I just do!”

You had really done it now. You were fairly certain you had never seen Law more confused or more flustered than he was in this moment. He gave a hard swallow and nodded his head, but you could tell further clarification was still needed.

“You don’t understand,” you said, watching his eyes turn to the ceiling. If they went there, that usually meant he was lost in thought. 

He shrugged. “I do, in a way. I feel that way about you, but I…well, I never expected someone to feel that way about me.”

The weight of his words made your heart sink. He deserved more than anyone to know how much he was treasured. You would die for him for no other reason than love. And while he could grasp the concept, he couldn’t understand why someone would feel that way towards him. 

“How about I tell you all the things I love about you?” you offered softly, trying to pull him away from his thoughts. It was too early to be thinking of such deep topics.

His eyes shifted over to you, and you could see he was half alarmed by your offer. But you could see the smallest spark of intrigue. 

So you began listing everything you could think off, absentmindedly still tracing over his tattoos. 

The sun was more than halfway across the sky before you finished. And there was a soft smile on his face during your all’s afternoon nap. 

[rainychaoloveshack]

Can you do Boom!Sonic x reader with an angsty scenario? Maybe Sonic says something about the reader and they take it the wrong way which leads to internal conflict? Canonically in the boom universe he tends to be rather cocky and says things that come out wrong. Thank you so much, please take care of yourself.

ﾟ ⋆ ﾟ ☂︎ ⋆ ﾟ 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲? 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐠.

sonic’s arrogant behavior is becoming too much to bear.

synopsis. boom!sonic x gn!reader, light angst, sonic thinks he's too cool for help... (he doesn't wanna admit he's worried for you)

☂︎ wc. 1k ☂︎ a/n. im so sorry this took so long anon!!! ;( i had to do some of my own research for his character. i went through a small writing stump while writing this one. if you'd like a rewrite, just let me know! might just end up doing one anyway...

likes, reblogs, and especially comments are extremely appreciated!!!

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⋆｡˚ 🌨 ˚｡⋆｡🌩˚☽˚｡⋆ 

☂︎

“It’s just Egghead back up to his schemes again. His robots have been popping up around town more often.” Sonic stretched his arms up high, taking in the golden-hour sunshine cast on the two of you. “It’ll be way too easy to just knock him down a peg!”

You copy his movement, grinning at the thought of going on another adventure with Sonic, despite going on one with him yesterday and having to get patched up a bit because of it by Amy. It happens so often, but you really can’t seem to get enough of it, letting the sunshine almost blind you as you turn your head to Sonic, feeling the warmth cast on every part of your body.

Shame that Eggman’s up to his dumb plans. If he wasn’t, maybe you and Sonic could’ve relaxed at the beach together, cuddled up on a beach towel while you two sipped on some coconut milk. Pity.

Sonic notices you mimicking him, and a grin spreads wide onto his face. “Oh look, I’ve got myself my very own mini-me, huh?” 

If you could hush him up right now, you would. But you shake your head and stick your tongue out teasingly, rolling your eyes over at him. No wonder Eggman’s always out to get him, this annoying little idiot. But it’d be best if you both got a move on now before it gets too dark.

Sonic’s smile falters at you bringing up Eggman’s name, causing his body to tense up ever so slightly.

“... Yeah, come on.” Sonic beckons you over, but it’s not hard to notice the lack of energy in his voice, so suddenly at that. You open your mouth to ask about it, but shut it rather quickly. Would asking him that make him feel more uneasy? You’d rather not find out, so you walk towards him, and continue on. 

Sonic starts at a fast-paced jog, but slows down almost instantly, his ear twitching with uncertainty. You stop a bit away from him, noticing the sudden shift in demeanor.

“Hey, uh, [Name].” Sonic says softly, looking at you from over his shoulder. “How about I handle this one by myself, yeah?”

… What? You tilt your head at his proposition, clearly confused. Who else could he go with right now? Everyone else is busy, running errands in their daily lives, or fixing their own issues, and since it’s just you and Sonic here, why not? What gives?

“I don’t want you to-” Sonic scowls, shaking his head at his blabbering words, before backtracking. “I got it. I can handle this easy-peasy, so… You can just stay here, okay?”

What the hell is he talking about? Well, you understand it, at least the smallest bit. You’re hurt, but it's not as though you can’t fight. A gash in your arm will do you no harm in combat.

Sonic sees the dissatisfaction on your face, and shifts onto one leg, stretching it out before switching to the other one.

"You-" He starts, but changes his words rather quickly. “I don’t want you to slow me down.” He mutters, smoothing out his quills behind him as he taps the tip of his shoe onto the ground in a rhythm that drives you crazy. “‘Think I’ll do just fine on my own.”

What?

You scowl, crossing your arms and tilting your head at him. How much longer is he going to do this act of his? It’s all an act, you know it is.

“Act?” Sonic glares at you for a couple of beats, the silence ringing out between you two only disturbed by the swaying of palm trees, and the waves of water hitting the glittering shore in the sunset. He seemed offended at your accusation, tensing his muscles as his ear twitched downward, an irritated expression reflected on him. “What kind of act are you talking about? I can’t worry about my friend anymore, huh?”

What? Does he think you’re too weak? Pathetic? Does he think you need to be handheld every second of every hour? Coddled?

You grit your teeth, almost with enough strength to bite your tongue off if you really wanted to, brows furrowing as you glare at him. You’re so sick of his antics. Sick of that cocky attitude of his. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks.

Why can’t he drop his pride and that little ‘cool’ act of his for even a second? It’s so infuriating. It makes you sick.

His eyes meet yours, and you can almost see his demeanor falter for a moment right before his body tenses up, and his ears flick down, a growl growing upon his lips. “I mean it.” He snaps. “You’ll see just how fast I get it done without you lagging behind me the whole time. I don’t need you anyway…”

Is that so? You turn on your heel, rage fuelling every step you take on the hot sand as you try to get as far away from him as possible, the thought of even being around him making you nauseous within the moment.

“Huh?” Sonic says softly, clearly surprised as he tries to gather his thoughts quickly enough to form a sentence. “[Name].” Sonic says, remorse lacing his voice, but you don’t want to hear it. Not at all. 

He takes a few steps towards you, reaching out to your wrist as his fingers wrap around it. “[Name], c’mon, wa-”

With a fair bit of rough force, you tug your hand away from him, smacking his gloved hand away as you keep your stride going, refusing even to take a glimpse his way.

You leave Sonic standing there, left to fidget with the brown bandana set around his neck in impatience, tapping his foot repeatedly on the ground anxiously. Despite his irritation, he still has the words still bubbling inside his throat, threatening to come out.

“[Name],” Sonic says under his breath, even if he knows that you’re already far gone. Too far away to hear him.

“I’m sorry, [Name].”

[starlightandfairies]

Okay, first of all, sorry for my bad English, but could you maybe write a story with Kalus where you are all together (his siblings and Elena, Damon, Stefan etc.) in a room and spend time together, or rather solve another problem. Klaus notices how absent you are and how quiet you are the whole time. And later you disappear to a quiet place where you can be alone but then he shows up? The story need to be sweet😪

Description: gets overwhelmed and needs some time to relax

Warnings: she/her pronouns, fluff, swearing

*Requests are open, please send through as many requests as you want, check my character list and requesting rules.*

Thank you for requesting this! I hope you enjoy it!

Key: Y/N = Your Name, L/N = Last name, POV = Point of view, f/ice/c

Word Count: 1,013

First Person's pov

Everyone was here. Bonnie, Elena, Damon, Enzo, Stefan, Elijah, Rebekah, Caroline and Niklaus. My house was normally the meeting place, today was no different. I couldn't tell you what the issue was this time, I've been out of it for the past week. It's been hard, at the start of the week, I nearly got badly hurt while the next big-bad came along and after Stefan saved my butt, I got reprimanded by him for being so reckless and stupid. 

 I hated being yelled at or being near someone being yelled at. Ever since I was little, I've hated loud noises, so that incident at the start of the week just became a series of things building on top of each other. It was late, I was already overwhelmed and overstimulated, everyone was shouting at each other, demanding they be heard and that they were right. 

"Dammit Damon! You cannot just expect us all to run around your agenda!" 

"What else can we do?" Damon roared, I stared at my hands in my lap, fiddling with the skirt of my dress. I could feel Niklaus' eyes on me, they have been for the last little while, I have no clue what he was thinking or what he wanted but having him look at me, analysing me and my every move. 

"Love, are you alright?" Niklaus softly murmured, I simply hummed in response, not meeting his eye or the disapproving hum that came from his lips. Everyone kept yelling, hitting my furniture in frustration, I could feel the tears bubbling and the prickling in my throat, If I didn't get away now then I'd breakdown in front of everyone. 

While everyone was gathering around the table, writing out a plan for stopping this big bad, I slipped away and sat in my bedroom. I let out a shaky breath, letting the tears slip from my eyes and sobbed into my hands. I curled into my mattress, clutching my teddy bear to my chest and hoping all the chatter in my brain would fade away. 

"So, this is the great Y/n L/n's bedroom." I sat up, rubbing my eyes, watching as Niklaus sat on the edge of my bed and turned to face me. I took a deep breath, pushing myself up and rested my teddy bear in my lap, watching him as he gazed around my room before his eyes landing me again. 

"I am going to ask again... love. Are you alright?" His voice was smooth, gentle and even caring. On any normal day I could listen to him talk for hours on end, he had such a pretty voice. 

"No... no, I'm not alright." 

"Tell me what's wrong, love." It was a gentle demand, something I wouldn't fight against. 

"I've just been feeling very overwhelmed and overstimulated. Got too much." Niklaus simply nodded, took my hand into his and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. Niklaus hummed, his face scrunching up in thought before it relaxed and his eyes gazed upon me soothingly. 

"I will kick them out from your home. They can take this to the Salvatore manor." 

"Thank you." He nodded and looked at my teddy bear. 

"What is this lovely thing's name?" I was grateful for the distraction, clutching to the arms of the bear a little tighter and smiled. 

"Her name is Pebbles. I got her when I was a baby. I know it's silly... not being a kid anymore and having a teddy bear still." Niklaus shrugged, seemingly not bothered by this. 

"Does it bring you comfort?" I nodded. 

"Then why should it matter?" 

"I suppose you are right, Niklaus." He chuckled once I said his name, I raised an eyebrow, trying to keep my own smile at bay from his sweet laughter. 

"You always call me Niklaus. I don't think I have ever heard you call me Klaus."

"I like calling you Niklaus. It sounds nice, it just rolls off the tongue." He chuckled nodding, turning his body to face me better. I took another breath, finding the uneasy feeling fading away the longer I sat in Niklaus' presence. It was quiet up here, I could just here the others and every time I would react to the group becoming more vocal, Niklaus would bring my attention back to him by asking about something in my room. 

My cat walked into the room, jumping onto Niklaus' lap, curling into him and hitting his hands with her paw to get him to pet her. 

"She's a sweet thing, I'm sorry, I'll call her off." 

"It's okay, I do not mind, your cat and you are quite welcome to my lovely presence and comfort whenever." I chuckled at the light sound of arrogance in his voice. He continued petting my cat for a little while until she jumped off and he took that as his moment to stand up and held out his hand. 

"Y/n, I think you need some time away from these headaches. Do you trust me?" I nodded, I really did, not once had Niklaus used me for his gain, he hadn't betrayed my trust once and I don't believe he ever would. 

"Yeah, okay." He picked me up, then sped out my window. Niklaus took me to a look-out in a couple towns over, it overlooked the water and no one else was nearby. The water brushed up against the rocks, soothing and peaceful. Within a blink he disappeared and within another he had a cup full of f/ice/c. 

"Thank you. Y-you didn't need to do this."  "You are feeling down, a sweet treat can always help. As I am told." I took small spoonfuls of the ice cream and started swaying to the gentleness of the violin. 

"You know my favourite ice cream, my favourite instrument and my favourite song. How?"  

"I have my ways, love." He whispers, letting me bask in the peace of the music. 

[glitter-stained]

I know I keep saying "god I need to read Batgirl 2000" and not doing it and talking about other comics I'm reading. I understand how this may be confusing, so here's a clarification: I absolutely want to read that comic. It's gonna be glorious.

However, the thing is that while I study neuropsychology with a bunch of other students, we all have our individual specialities; specifically I'm doing my master's thesis on language development disorder, and my goal is to later do a phd on language disorders. And I do know myself. The moment I get my nasty paws on Batgirl 2000? Forget that Jason is my favourite character ever and I have a shitton of meta planned about him. Forget the fact I have exams and I won't be able to get that damn diploma if I fail. The moment I read batgirl 2000 it's fucking over, I'm digging a hole in the ground like a hibernating bear and dissecting the cognitive and neurological implications of Cass' character until I explode. I'm chewing on her character with my teeth. Even the idea makes me giddy. i'm already having to stop myself from writing the jason metas right now because of exams and it's not even my domain, i'm gonna start bleeding from my eyes when I read that comic.

And the issue is, you know Scott Lobdell? Most beloathed Jason writer, ruiner of jayroy for a whole category of people, roy harper enemy #1, kory destroyer, cheshire caricaturer, extremely unpopular writer and yet somehow still not unpopular enough? This guy went to college to study psychology and decided to drop out to write for dc comics. And I can't, I really can't afford to have anything in common with him. The idea is terrifying. So until I've passed those damn exams and survived internship season Cassandra is staying safe and warm in the pantry where I cannot reach her. In the meantime I got about 40 BoP issues to get through before I can get to the part written by Gail Simone.

Thank you for understanding.

[liveontelevision]

Hallo!!! I’d just like to say to start I ADORE your work! Especially with Lucifer, the way you depict him is SO refreshing you have no idea.. your work practically canon in my eyes I love it!!! You’re super awesome.

I did also notice that in your Lucifer works you talked about his more ‘unappealing’ traits, so-to-speak. Like his temper, his possessiveness, and especially his paranoia and panic.

I suffer with a paranoia disorder and some ptsd of my own, and it was really nice to have those traits made known, but not have them severely criticized, y’know?

I understand and agree that Lucifer would need a patient partner when it comes to these things, someone to stick around and be reassuring through it all; And while they can get frustrated, not criticize or even leave him for it; something I theorize may have been a reason for Lilith’s own departure.

But what if the reason for the reader’s patience is because of their own panic issues? Or their own temper?

Now to be fair, not sure how i’d exactly want it to go. It could be them comforting him when he panics, or Lucifer when they panic, or just a simple heart-to-heart about their combined struggle and the resilience that is forged because of that…

Like while their breath quickens, hands clutching into their thighs as their brain practically screams at them to calm down through all the mind-numbing internal noise; boiling tears stream down their face as they shiver within the darkness of an empty corridor. Perhaps Lucifer steps around, bearing witness to their storming off, getting a glimpse of the uglier side of their lover. The strange, uncomfortable, terrified side of them. But that isn’t what he sees, not at all. His gaze softens as he stares into their tear-blinded irises and carefully sits in front of them. He sees a person. A real, true human being.

(hahaaa got a bit too silly sorry xP)

All I know is that I think Lucifer, while also being equally concerned, would appreciate having someone who could understand what he’s going through; Well, as close as a sinner could get to understanding it, at least.

But what do you think? Would he act any different? I’d love to know ^^ ❤️

Thank you so much for getting into these details! After reading this I realized how much I connected my own mental struggles to what I write. So just seeing that you're about to relate to it as well made me feel really good :)

This was honestly a little hard for me, trying to get into this mindset. Even though it's not super motivated by Lucifer's character, I kinda needed to write this for myself honestly :') but still, I hope you enjoy this!

---

Comfort

CW: Descriptions of depression and panic attacks, flulff, angst

You were head of heels for Lucifer. And you’d do anything for him, that goes without saying, even if you do enjoy seeing his reaction to your devotion. You knew Lucifer as the king of Hell before anything else, so your first impression of him was obviously different from the Lucifer you know and love today. He was always portrayed in media as some suave, flirtatious, powerful being. No one dared talk negatively about him, his true authority being misinterpreted as pure malicious intent. But that didn’t stop the media from tearing Charlie apart. Why didn’t he defend his daughter then? In summary, Lucifer was known for two things; incredible power and little consideration for the actual ongoings of Hell, even with whatever his daughter was involved with. At first. His saving the hotel, defending Hell on extermination day, and encouraging his daughter, was the side of him that only a handful of trusted people could experience firsthand.

Luckily, you got to be one of those people. It’s easy to take his goofy exposure and temper and make it appear that he is an aloof king. But no one can handle being a hermit for centuries without having a different view on life. And being an outcast from his original realm? Being abandoned by his brothers? Even the most powerful demon couldn't experience that without it taking a mental toll. That was obvious. Comforting Lucifer would never be an easy task, even for someone who’s experienced exactly what he has. And who knows exactly how close Lillith was to him? Was she able to see him in this state? Was it another factor of himself that he chose to bury in fear of rejection and abandonment? It was a pitiful thought, but definitely not an impossible one.

Whether or not you truly understood Lucifer's past, you wanted to be there for him. It felt good to comfort such a powerful being, being an anchor for someone who has an absurd amount of baggage. But it’s not like you always knew what you were doing. You weren’t this perfectly healthy person who knew what to say all the time. When you first got together, you had your doubts about even having feelings for him. He was an icon, a celebrity, royalty. It was great he confided in you, but was his status clouding your judgment? Were you only enjoying the dominance you had over his emotional state because of who he was? Was your admiration misconstrued as love? It took a while for you to get over this mindset. The longer you were together, the less it became you constantly praising and fawning over him, the more it became being in love with your best friend.

You didn’t really bother to bring any of this up to him, the idea made you cringe. Would bringing up your doubts about the relationship only transfer those feelings to him as well? The moment passed, so there’s no need to get him worked up over nothing.

That’s a great example of how your mind works. You assumed that all these spiraling questions, that brought you to the brink of tears, just went away. That, because you realized how much you loved him and how much he loved you, that meant that you never needed to express these thoughts. Nothing could be done about it, those feelings were in the past. Why bring it up now?

There was also the question of how much you gave into the relationship. You gave Lucifer your all, gave him your heart and body, and yet you don’t feel comfortable enough to share your own suffering? You could've blamed Lucifer if you wanted. He should be supporting you the same way you support him. Or you could blame yourself. Obviously, if you wanted support you should feel comfortable asking for it. But why do you have to ask? Lucifer never asked for it. Why don’t you feel comfortable sharing your feelings? Your own trauma? What’s wrong with you?

That ended up being your downfall. Nothing ever just goes away. How could you constantly comfort Lucifer and push him to let out what he needs to, yet refuse to express anything that truly upset you? Demons are essentially immortal, these feelings couldn't be bottled up forever. But they can be bottled up until you break.

Lucifer had an especially rough day, he was looking forward to finding his sweetheart and venting about how shitty his meetings went and how Alastor pissed him off, along with some other daily struggles. That’s all it was; a daily vent session that helped him decompress. What he wasn’t realizing was how much that affected you. It wasn’t really his fault, or he wasn't doing it on purpose at least. You weren’t really the type to share your own struggles, you mentioned that to him once or twice. You felt that crying and letting it all out, venting about struggles that simply don’t need to be discussed, none of that really helped you when you were struggling. But today, you were struggling. 

“Ugh! That tacky son of a bitch made fun of my suit today, can you believe it? Like - I mean - C’mon! We basically wear the same things but in different colors, I don’t know what he’s on about. Oh, and I had to go to the Embassy today. Luckily I didn’t need to meet with anyone but I - “ As Lucifer started his long-winded complaints, he stripped himself of his boots, hat, and jacket, then approached you. You were lying in bed, which wouldn't exactly be strange if it were early in the morning or late at night, but it was nearly dinner time. You were wearing your usual pajamas and had been scrolling through your phone for who knows how long. Did you have anything to do today? You didn’t have time to think about that.

Lucifer placed a quick kiss on your forehead, then between words, one on each cheek, then a final, slightly lingering, kiss on your lips. He finally plopped down and laid perpendicular to your lounging body, laying his head in your lap and looking into the ceiling as he went on. You set your phone aside, that had been plugged in and turned on since late last night, leaving it hot to the touch in your hand. You had become numb to it at this point.

None of this seemed to really come off as an issue to you. Who doesn't have a day or two where they can't get out of bed? You were sure you’d be ready to get back to work the next day, so it’s not a problem. Plus, Lucifer was here! You could get some quality time in with him and convince yourself that you weren't wasting a whole day. He went on and on. Talking about the Embassy got him on the topic of Heaven, which led to him sharing a story of how his brothers weren’t supportive of a specific invention he was sharing. “It was really something, you know. If I could've just been accepted by them, if they supported me.. like you do! maybe things could've been different. Maybe - “ Plop. Lucifer flinched at the sudden drop of water that hit his cheek. He wiped it away before finally discovering its source.

You were crying. It was silent, and you were holding your breath to prevent it from turning you into a heaving, sobbing, mess. Lucifer was quick to sit up, seating himself on his knees as he tried to question your disposition. He was finally noticing your overall situation. You are in the same spot that he left you in this morning, wearing the same pajamas, scrolling through the same phone that never left the nightstand. He started to feel ashamed that he didn’t notice any of this sooner. You had shifted your gaze downwards, picking at your clawed fingers like you would your skin when you were alive. This is embarrassing. You don’t want him to see you this way, you look like a mess. You tried your best to keep tears from coming from your eyes, but the fact that Lucifer was sitting near you in absolute silence somehow made it worse. You hitched your breath, trying to control your emotions in any way, then let out a shaky exhale that made your body shrink.

The moment seemed to go on forever. It felt like his eyes were burning into you. You had to do something. Anything. “I’m okay! I’m okay, Luci. Sorry, J-Just a rough day. But it's over now! We can just relax now. Promise.” You quickly said, your voice raspy due to it being the first words you had spoken today. You shifted yourself over, pulling the blanket aside and patting the spot next to you. Lucifer didn’t know how to respond. He’s seen you like this before, everyone has rough days. And why would you lie to him? You could go to him for anything. You knew that, right? He reluctantly moved into the bed, holding his arm out to allow you to snuggle into his side, finally resting your head on the center of his chest. Your eyes looked vacantly towards the other side of the room, as your finger mindlessly traced the seems on the side of his shirt. A monotonous task that kept your mind on anything other than how you were feeling. Today was just one of those days where every little problem you’d encounter was tipping you over the edge, sending you into a spiraling mess.

He knew something was wrong. He didn’t push you away, you clearly needed the contact, but the warm spot that you created from staying in bed all day was apparent when he went in to hold you. Sure, he’s seen you like this before. But this was different. “Darling..? Erm.. Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to - I should’ve.. How was your day, love? Wanna.. talk about it?” He always struggled with words. It’d take him a while, but he’d always manage to get what he intended when he spoke. “Oh, um.. It was good.. My day was good. Didn’t do much, but that’s okay. Just a relaxation day I suppose.” Ah, relaxation. You’ve used that word before. He always wondered; How come relaxation never meant going to a spa or doing something legitimately soothing? Was laying in bed all day really what you considered relaxing?

“ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry. Go on, you were talking about your brothers? What were you - “ Your diversion was immediately noticed. Before you could even finish your question, Lucifer had taken your chin and angled your head upward to look at him. It was a struggle for you to meet his eyes. You gulped, and no matter how much you wanted to pull away from his grasp, you didn’t. Tears were welling in your eyes the whole time, and even though your breath had calmed, you still seemed winded. “Please tell me what’s wrong. Please. Let me help.” It seemed like everything just fell into place. Lucifer finally picked up on things you never realized came from your insecurities and paranoia. And he wanted to fix it, not stop it, actually fix it. You hated how the idea of it surprised you. It shouldn't, of course, he’d do this for you.

“ I-I promise it’s nothing.. I’ve just been feeling off today, I just want to be close to you. That always helps.” You smiled up at him. No matter how forced, he returned your smile. “Well.. Do you think.. Talking would help?” You tensed up as he spoke, an obvious sensation to Lucifer since you laid suddenly uncomfortably on his chest. “Hun, you know that stuff really isn’t for me… I don’t benefit from that, I think. So don’t worry. Just - be here. For me? Can you do that?” You began to sound agitated. It wasn’t an aggressive plea, more like a plea for this conversation to be over. He wasn’t a huge fan of how you spoke, it came off as a sort of insult to him. Did you not think he could help you in the same way you did for him? He could try. He wanted to try.

He planted a small kiss on your forehead, then traced his hand up and down your back, feeling your tension melt as he did so. He pressed his cheek against the top of your head and picked up your hand in his. He traced your palm, running along the wrinkles and folds of your skin, then lightly grazed his claw up the length of each of your fingers. He sent a starfish motion across the entirety of your hand before finally interlacing your fingers. You stared at his movements the whole time, watching only for a moment before your eyes glazed over, leaving you in a sort of mindless state. He squeezed your hand after giving it attention, which brought you back to reality. Your eyes had continued to drip, leaving a few small specks of wetness on the part of his shirt that sat below your face. With the newfound grip he had on your hand, he pulled your still clasped hands up to his face, rubbing his cheek on the back of your hand before pressing gentle kisses across your knuckles. His eyes looked at you, half-lidded, with your hands still held to his lips.

Well, you weren't lying when you said being around him helped. Just the sight of him caring for you in this way, calmed your mood. You managed to accept that your actions today wernt like you. That something had taken over in your mind to keep you weighed down in your shared bed. “Thank you.” It barely came out as a whisper when you said it, bringing your clasped hands to your own lips and pressing a kiss on his own knuckles in response. “Of course, love. Anything for you. I mean it.” These actions weren't exactly new to the two of you, these were methods you occasionally used to help Lucifer fall asleep, or calm him down after a rough day. But he was using it on you. He had learned how to take care of you, by watching what you do. Noticing how you act on a daily basis and how that contrasts from the version of you he’s seeing right now. It was a subconscious transaction that you two had. But when you did notice it happening, you could hardly contain the mixed emotions you felt. Embarrassment, Pride, Love.. 

“ I mean it.” He repeated, snapping you from whatever state of mind you caught yourself in, “You know that, don’t you? You know I can help you, right? ” Now, this was new. He’s never questioned you like this. For some reason, it became difficult to respond. To admit that you knew he had your best interest in mind. “Tell me.” He wasn’t demanding, he seemed genuinely concerned as he spoke. Your cheeks flushed, feeling some sort of embarrassment. “Y-Yeah, I know.” You were quiet, still.

Lucifer didn’t seem completely convinced. “I’m sure you do. But can’t you just.. I want to know what goes on in your head.. If that makes sense. I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking this - No, I want you to try and talk to me. Just try?” You almost scoffed, trying to play it off as some kind of joke. “It’s not important, I’m feeling better now, that’s what’s important.” 

That’s when he became agitated. He gently sat up, lifting you up with him. “No! It still matters. Tell me how you feel. Or - how you felt, I don’t know..! Talk to me. Please.” He had a tight grasp on your arms, almost shaking you as he spoke. You tried to calm down, you really did, but you felt forced into talking. Not in a negative manner, just in the way that your instinct to isolate yourself in this state was being challenged. You were physically reacting, tensing under his touch and lowering your eyes to the point he couldn't see them. You rubbed your hands against your thighs, trying to figure out what to say. It seemed like it took too long for you to respond. When you did it came out in the form of broken sobs, your hands moved from your thighs to your cheeks, running your forearm across your face to wipe tears. You broke.

You finally open up about your day. About how today, you felt like you didn't have any reason to get out of bed, how it felt okay to just rot there. You tried your best to describe what makes you this way, but you really weren't all that sure yourself. And despite how much Lucifer struggles with his own words, you were almost silent when it came to describing how you felt. He would nod his head and keep a calm composure, just like you do for him. It took everything in him to just hold you as tight as he could, to repeat I'm so sorry and it'll be okay and I love you so much. But that's not what you'd do at this moment, and he realized how much he'd hate that for himself. It’d feel disingenuous. You loved physical affections, even the slightest intimate moments were improved by a simple hand-holding, or just sitting close to Lucifer. And right now, you felt ashamed for wanting to push him away. But you didn't.

He cooed you, and pulled you in close, his arms engulfing your curled up body. He continued to rub your back, just like you’d do for him, and would ask if you needed anything multiple times, even if you politely rejected each time. Just to be safe. You let out a gross mixture of sobs and apologies, and possibly some things that you’d regret saying later, but the dam was broken at this point. After you had calmed down, he loosened his grasp to let you sit up, your body stiff from holding it in that position for so long. He was quick to create some tissues out of thin air and hand them to you, catching sight of your reddened eyes and nose, but he also made it a point to not stare at you. He’d turn his gaze to the floor, or to your hands, or he’d rest his head on top of yours. “So..? How are you doing?” He almost sounded nervous when he asked as if he might have messed up at some point. “I feel disgusting.” You said bluntly, your voice nasally due to your nose being so stuffed up. He chuckled and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “I told you this stuff doesn't work for me, I feel awful still.” A bittersweet smile hit his face, but you were still making it a point to keep your eyes away. “I know, love. But, I’m glad you did it. I’m.. well, I’m glad you’re talking to me - I know it was hard.. So.. thank you, I suppose. You did good.” His words were choppy as if he was still figuring out what he wanted to say. He said what he needed to though.

You let out an absolutely exhausted sigh and leaned back into his chest, bringing both of you back down onto the bed. After a bit more backrubbing and hums of affection, you finally lift your head to look up at him. He was absolutely glowing. The smile on his face brought you butterflies that you didn't realize could resurface after being with someone for so long. “You did so well~” He said in a low tone, keeping his eyes locked on yours, and keeping your head turned upwards by gently holding your chin. “W-Well, don’t say it like that.. Perv..” You let your suddenly dirtied mind blurt out a nervous response. “Hey, that one’s on you. I would never proposition a damsel in distress.” He tapped your nose, speaking in a theatrical voice, before meeting your lips in a much-needed kiss. “Love you.” You muttered into his lips, only to feel his smile form in response. His eyes weld with affection for you when he pulled away. “I love you.”

Even if you felt awful after your little outburst, the reality of laying in bed all day finally hit you with a burst of adrenaline. You weren’t able to sleep after that and Lucifer had no complaints about that. The rest of the night was spent doing silly little things, Lucifer demanded you do your nightly routine, insisting it would help your mood. He provided snacks, started a movie that you mentioned you wanted to see a while ago, and sat behind you as he either brushed your hair or spent the time to give you a thorough massage.

You were so proud of him. You always struggled alone when this kind of thing happened. And, although a little awkward, he was exactly what you needed him to be at that moment.

---

OMG LOOK AT MY LITTLE TAG LIST ILY GUYS:

( @vififofum @thornwolfy235 @tinywolfiegirl @chipper-chip @bat-boness @misfitgirlwrites @nayomi247 @lonelynmisunderstood )

[garfinkelstingle]

matthew's letter to james

hi, i was bored and decided to transcribe the additional letter from matthew to james from the waterstone edition of chain of thorns!

thanks to the peeps out there posting pictures of it, you're the true heroes!

Dear James,

When we talked about my trip, and the places I wished to see, you may recall that--while I wished to be beholden to no agenda or itinerary--I did say there were three cities in Europe I would die rather than miss: Vienna. Berlin. And of course, Venice. Your eyes lit up when I mentioned the latter, and I promised to send you word of the City of Masks when I arrived.

Well, I have been here for three days and I wish to share with you my impressions of the city. As one wanders, one discovers quickly that there are two modes of line in Venice: wet and quiet, or wet and loud. I have, as you would imagine, kept myself to its loudest parts.

It is a city beloved of mermaids, obviously, and in general Downworld is dominated by the fishier side of Faerie. You may ask, do I mean the aquatic parts, or do I mean the dodgy parts? And to that I say, sir, I mean both. Never have I seen so many mermaids, and never have I seen more complex scheming. Within moments of arriving at one of their fames half-sunk tavernas, I was drawn into three assassination plots, two blackmails, and a plot to steal a large sapphire owned by someone named "Il Granchio," who turned out to not just be named after but to actually be himself a giant talking crab. What marvels I have missed by remaining in sodden old London. I have never been threatened with having my head pinched off before, and I daresay it has fortified my character.

As with every other city I visit, I have had to spend half my time dodging local Shadowhunters. The local Institute is always very welcoming, and by "welcoming" I mean they wish to put me on patrol. But this is not my travel year and I am not visiting the world's most interesting places in order to patrol them, or to fight their demons at all, really.

(Obviously if a demon crosses my path, I will dispatch it posthaste. I am still a Nephilim born and bred, and thus feel a certain amount of demon-focused violence is good for the blood. Nevertheless, I have found that one does not need to wander the streets of a city to encounter its dangers. Instead I have followed the strategy of going directly to a city's most unsavory places, where trouble will regularly appear without much fuss on my part.)

The only thing worse than Shadowhunters who want to hunt demons with me, are Shadowhunters who want to Put a Word in My Ear because I have "access" to the Consul. As though when I speak to my mother she wishes me to convey the minor grievances of a bureaucrat from Turin. No, she wants to know if I am eating enough (I am) and whether I am wearing the scarf she knitted for me (I am not). If the Continental Shadowhunters wish to politic they will have to wait for Charles to come through. That's their punishment for taking life too seriously.

On a slightly more sober note--as it were--it is difficult to debauch through the world without the social lubrication of drink. I suppose I knew that before I set out, but the reality can be hard to bear. Everywhere I go I am plied with drink, which I must decline, explaining that I have come not for the alcohol but only for the gambling and the perversion. Even on the rare occasion when I have been unable to avoid visiting an Institute they inevitably drag out the dustiest bottle in their cellar and I must rush to stop them before they open it for a guest who cannot appreciate it.

The problem is that nobody seems to understand why one might not wish to drink. It is very frustrating. Everyone recognizes that one can drink to excess and need to stop for the sake of one's health, but to encounter such a person in reality bewilders them. And I can hardly order water in the sorts of places I am visiting. As a result, I have become a great consumer of black coffee, which I down by the ucketful so as to be seen imbibing something. Unfortunately, this means I now require several large cups of the stuff a day just to keep myself upright. I suppose a dependency on coffee is much less debilitating than a dependency on drink. At the very least it is less dangerous to one's health, by which I mean I have never yet drunk a pot of coffee and awoken on the cold stone steps of a baptistry wrapped in the Union Jack, which I cannot say is true of my time as a drinker of liquor. It nevertheless makes me a bit of a figure of scrutiny, the Englishman who turns down drink. I have begun to tell the especially insistent that I am under a faerie curse and if ever liquor should touch my mouth I shall transform into a badger. I tell you, I look forward to later in the year when I shall be in countries where the mundanes' religion prohibits alcohol. Although I imagine the coffee consumption will only rise.

But I was speaking of Venice, somewhere on an earlier page. You shall have to tell Pickles at the Devil that here there is no need to bring a tub with you to soak in, for the Downworld bars are mostly half-sunk into the lagoon and one sits with one's lower half in water and one's upper half at a table. This is an excellent arrangement for the mermaids and a terrible arrangement for anyone else. The werewolves go around looking like drowned rats half the time.

In addition to the continued popularity of drink and debauch, Venice is also mad for seances. (In this it resembles most other places I have visitied; the whole continent seems mad for ghosts these days. What a career Jesse could have had had he remained disembodied.) I ran into Madame Dorothea yesterday while in a dimly-lit lounge of poor reputation playing Trappola. (Because what goes better with card-playing than dire warning and demands from one's dead family members?) This is not the first time I have seen her on my travels--like me, she appears to be touring. I encountered her first in a brown café in Rotterdam and then again at a floating cabaret on the Rhine a few weeks ago. Both times I could barely see her through the tobacco smoke, but I did get to witness her admonishing a vampire that his late mother was very disappointed in him because she had expected him to become a lawyer.

By this our fourth encounter, Dorothea and I nodded knowingly to each other as fellow-travelers, and she asked me directly if there was anyone I wished to speak to. I demurred, but she was insistent, and having singled me out the crowd demanded I follow through. I searched my mind for anyone whose messages would not be potentially harmful to my good mood, and finally asked her if I could speak with Oscar Wilde. (The man, not the dog, of course; Oscar Wilde the dog awaited me loyally at the pensione as usual.)

At this point I had no doubt about the genuine power possessed by Dorothea, and so when a gruff but cultured voice emanated from that lady's mouth I knew at one it was him. Of course I immediately went off my head and said the only thing I could think of, which, foolishly, was that I thought he would sound more Irish.

Rather dryly he informed me that he had deliberately put aside his accent while at Oxford, and that he hoped I had not called him back from sailing beyond the sunset in order to complain about his diction. (He got quite enough of that from the ghost of his sister, apparently.) I told him no, but that I wished him to know that his House of Pomegranates had been a formative text for me in my youth. Which was a terrible understatement of the importance of his writing to me, but I could think of nothing else. I felt a fool the moment I said it.

Rather acidly he told me that he no longer concerned himself much with notices or reviews, being dead. At this point Dorothea's body-language showed that the spirit was becoming restless, and the crowd was on his side. More politely than I deserved, he suggested that I might wish to ask him for some advice, or at least wisdom, that he might provide from his side of the veil.

Struck, I blurted out, "In the past I have made so many errors, have caused so much hurt. Can I make up for them? Will I carry them with me forever, or can they ever be left behind in the past?"

At this the crowd became hushed. This was not what they had come to see, but at least it was more interesting than my telling a specter ripped from beyond the void that I liked his work.

Oscar gazed at me--I had no doubt it was him, behind Dorothea's eyes, and I will not soon forget the frisson I felt as he sized me up. Finally, he spoke, and his voice was gentle.

"I see from your cravat," he said, "that you are a man of the world."

I allowed that his observation was accurate.

"And I see from your eyes," he went on, "that you mean to live a grand life. That you have already begun to do so, in fact."

"I do," I told him. "I have."

"To live magnificently," Oscar said, as though carefully choosing his words, "means that your joys will be magnificent, but so too will be your pains. You will celebrate grandly and you will suffer grandly. Such is the covenant of such a life."

"Is it worth it?" said I.

He appeared to shrug. "You can see how it has turned out for me," he said. "Nevertheless, I would not exchange my fate for another. Epictetus said that a man is not made by his circumstances; rather, his circumstances reveal him to himself. I may be paraphrasing," he added, and I thought I head him mutter something to the effect, "Look at me. Dead and still quoting."

Now he took in his surroundings. "Next time you seek me out," he said, "pray do so in a place less chill and damp. I may not feel it, but I still appreciate a decent ambience."

And then he was gone.

I tell you, James, I had little expectation when I asked Dorothea to call upon him, but I left that chill and damp taverna greatly inspired. I share these words with you because, while you are not one to descend into the damp and chill places of the world for the sake of a party, as I am, your life is also grand, and like me you are destined to love grandly, to suffer grandly, and to celebrate grandly. I want you to know that Oscar Wilde says it is worth the trouble. And that I believe him.

The only real sorrow of my travels, of course, is the pangs I feel in being absent from you. Parabatai separated are always missing a bit of themselves, and I carry that lack with me wherever I go. I continue forth to seek more experiences, but I promise to return to you in time, and, I hope, the wiser for it.

Pray give my love to Cordelia, to Lucie, to Thomas and yes, even to Alastair. I miss you all very much, and hope that you are keeping London well for me while I am away. Be well and the Angel protect you.

Love,

Matthew

[saintjosie]

hi!! fanfic writing person here again :D

i've been looking at a ton of stuff and first like. damn i didn't expect me headcanoning a character as transfem to lead me down a rabbit hole where i now 1. have loads of random knowledge on transfem issues and 2. have a massive amount of respect for transfem people and understanding of the differences in experience of different trans people. wonderful actually. your stuff has been super helpful tysm

actual question! how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles? do you think that's disrespectful? because like. wearing makeup, 'feminine' clothes, that kind of thing-- functionally no bearing on someone's womanhood. but those are, to my understanding, big hallmarks of transfem experiences. i don't want to say that wearing makeup or a dress makes her suddenly feel wonderful and pretty and solves all her woes, but i also don't want to downplay the significance of that experience. ideally, how do you think those should be balanced? basically how do i make her feminine without it seeming like a certain level of femininity is required to be trans.

generally, are there any experiences you think would be helpful to know? i'm writing a lot about her (currently two fics on different effects of HRT as an adult, and two on her gender being affirmed as a teen when she had taken basically no steps in her transition) so any insight is helpful. ideally what would you want portrayed in a non-transfem author writing a trans girl? idk!

i understand that these are very big asks so once again don't feel pressured to reply-- thank you regardless! generally looking at your content as a trans woman has been super helpful so thank you so much for sharing <3 best wishes!

"how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles?"

you cant! but why do you need to? a core part of the trans experience is experimenting with gender, stereotypical or not. so many trans fems (including myself) start off by leaning very hard into stereotypical femininity because they are things that many of us have not previously explored. and then a core part of that journey is learning that there is no right way to explore gender. i spent years leaning into being femme until i realized i was more comfortable with a little bit of fluidity and androgyny. i think the most authentic experience would be to have her explore femininity, stereotypical or not, and then eventually coming to terms with how she is a woman outside of stereotypical femininity. two experiences that i think might be a good way to introduce this concept is one, the gender affirming experience of being included as one of the girls. there's a lot of nuance to that experience that people dont necessarily consider. there is the self doubt of, oh am i really one of the girls or are they just humoring me? and also for some there is the need to feel like they need to confirm to expectations of femininity, and leaning too hard into it.

second, the experience of experiencing misogny for the first time. i specifically say misogny because a lot of trans women have face homophobia and transphobia before they experience misogyny that validates them as a woman and for many people there can be this sudden awareness of how different the world is when you move through it as a woman. there is your typical run of the mill, this guy is a dick misogny but then there is also that experience of facing internalized misogny from other women. the experience of being told by cis women how to engage with femininity because a lot of cis women haven't deconstructed that for themselves is an experience that can be particularly hurtful because it is infantilization and misogny that is also incredibly invalidating.

third, when youre talking about gender affirming experiences from pre-transition, there's a lot of nuance to those experience because while they are gender affirming, there is confliction too. for some theres the question of why do i like this? and you also have to consider that many times those experiences that happen to a person who sees themselves as a boy. there is a level of separation from the experience because they havent necessarily embraced transness yet, and if they have, theres tentativeness because being in your teens is all about forming identity.

if you can capture these experiences in your writing, then fantastic! but also these are hard to capture because often times it takes lived experience to write it with nuance. love these questions and happy to answer! good luck with your writing!

[babyangelsky]

Two Worlds: Novel vs. Series (Part 1)

A few days ago, I mentioned that I had begun reading the novel for Two Worlds because I was curious about the changes that had been made for the adaption. Truthfully, I've been curious about it since the special and enough people liked my post to encourage me to put this together, so here we are!

Few things. Firstly, the official English translation of the novel is only updated through chapter 7 which equates to about episode 3 of the series. Approximately.

Secondly, good god is it convoluted so to make things easier on myself and on you, I'm going to break down the changes to each world in two separate posts and not jump around which is what the novel does.

Thirdly, if you'd like to read the novel yourself, the first seven chapters are available for free here! It's the official translation and updates are a bit irregular but it is being updated! Trigger warning for discussion and sometimes graphic mentions of suicide. Please proceed with caution.

I also have to thank @thainovels for being so lovely every time I've asked them for help. What are the odds the novel updated the day after I asked you for help finding a complete version?!

This is gonna be LONG so to spare your dash and anyone who doesn't wanna be spoiled, I'll begin under the cut.

World 1, aka our starting world in the series

Okay so, broad strokes. One of the biggest differences between novel and show so far is how much time we spend in Phupha's perspective and indeed, in perspectives other than Phupha's or Kram's. We really only get Kram's perspective in the chapters dedicated to World 1 and he's barely appeared in the chapters dedicated to World 2 so far.

This author also really loves to go on a tangent which kinda bugs me in a "I'm a writer too and I wouldn't do things this way dammit" sort of way and while that's my own cross to bear, objectively it does pull focus from the main plot and make the story more confusing than it has to be. Although I do appreciate the insight into the other characters.

How Things Start Off

Unlike the show which opens with Kram painting by the river, the novel opens with Kram trying to make friends with Phupha. At this point it's unclear how long Phupha has been staying at Kram's house but it doesn't seem like it's been very long.

In the show, Kram is the grumpy one who doesn't wanna talk or hang out and Phupha is the more open one, but it's flipped in the novel. Kram is a lonely lil ball of sunshine and he's excited to make a new friend and Phupha's generally very grumpy about his circumstances.

Kram also calls him "your grace" which I suspect is what the translator chose to use in place of "khun chai" since Kram also calls him that in the show a few times. I really wish the show had kept this detail because unlike in the show, Kram uses khun chai playfully and eventually affectionately. It's also worth noting that he doesn't call Phupha "phi" despite their age difference because he doesn't want to create distance between them.

Their first bonding experience is going for a walk just like in the show rather than walk aimlessly in the forest, Kram takes him to see the waterfall that is so central to our story. The locals refer to it as Moonshadow Cave.

We learn that Phupha is afraid of heights (and very traumatized) because of the circumstances surrounding his mother's suicide. He opens up to Kram about it and also tells him why his father sent him to stay with Kram and his father.

At one point, Kram steps onto a little ledge around the back of the waterfall and gently coaxes Phupha to join him so they can see the view. But remember, Phupha is afraid of heights and traumatized so after a few moments he panics and goes to turn back. But he turns back a little too quickly and stumbles and ends up face to face and very close to Kram.

SO THEY KISS ABOUT IT. Maybe it's adrenaline, maybe it's horniness, who knows! Certainly not Phupha!

It's getting late so they come down from the mountain to go home. Kram's head is spinning from the kiss, he's confused, he can still taste Phupha. Phupha's confused too, he doesn't know why the hell he kissed Kram, and just as he's in the middle of telling Kram that it was just the adrenaline and didn't mean anything, they hear something rustling in the tall grass.

The Tiger Incident

Yep. The thing they hear is a tiger smack in the middle of having a deer for dinner. Here is the first of two or three major plot points (so far) that were cut from the adaptation entirely.

They come across the tiger and even though they try to move as quietly and slowly as they can to get away, they don't get very far before the tiger notices them and starts chasing them down. As they're running, Kram falls and hurts his leg. Kram knows of a small cave where they can hide, and They manage to duck into it just in time. Fortunately the entrance is too small for the tiger to follow them in there so they're safe but homeboy is still waiting outside to eat them, so they're forced to stay there until morning or until he gets bored and leaves.

Kram and Phupha snuggle together for warmth because of course they do and in the middle of the night, Phupha realizes that Kram has a fever.

The next morning, Phupha sees that Kram hasn't gotten any better so he decides to go and get help for him. Luckily the tiger is gone, so he leaves the cave and marks himself a path so he can find his way back. When he exits the forest, he sees Kram's dad and a group of villagers talking amongst themselves. They'd been looking for the two of them since they hadn't returned from their walk and are very relieved to see Phupha.

Phupha tells everyone what happened and they go back for Kram, and this is where things get very weird. He notices that the branches he broke to mark his path aren't broken anymore and when he and the villagers arrive at the cave, the weeds that were covering the cave entrance are thicker than they were before. And Kram?

Kram is fucking gone.

He is straight up gone. He is not in the cave where Phupha left him despite being sick and unable to move because of his injured leg. Phupha obviously begins questioning his sanity as a search gets underway.

Fifty people including police search the forest for two entire days to absolutely zero avail. Kram is nowhere to be found. It's like the forest swallowed him whole and Phupha is feeling so guilty and Kram's dad is being so kind and not blaming him at all and it's all very fraught.

The search is paused on the third day because of heavy rain but that's not about to stop Phupha. He needs to find Kram and he's in the forest desperately wracking his mind for every last detail of the path he took from the cave and the surroundings while rain is pouring down on him. He thinks he might've found the right spot and sees a cave, but passes out before he can reach it.

When he wakes up, he's back at Kram's house being tended to by Duandow, Kram's childhood friend (we'll get to her in a bit). First thing he does is ask about Kram and miracle of miracles, KRAM HAS BEEN FOUND AND IS OKAY! His leg wasn't broken and he's in rough shape after not having any food or water for a couple days but he's expected to make a full recovery.

Duandow tells him that the cave Kram was found in--the one Phupha passed out in front of--was in an area that had already been searched by the police and that the locals believe that dark magic blocked the entrance to it, which is why they hadn't been able to find Kram before.

If that sounds really goddamn weird to you, THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS. Something fucky is going on with this forest but there are absolutely no answers I can give you as to the why and the how. The novel hasn't given us anything yet.

Phupha and Kram

Another huge difference between the show and the novel is just how much the relationship between Phupha and Kram progresses and how physical it actually is. In the show we only get a few kisses and some snuggling but they go a lot further in the novel.

A lot further.

After the tiger and the fucky forest trauma bond them, they're hanging out on the mountain near Kram's house one evening and as they get to talking and open up to each other some more, they're interrupted by a swarm of fireflies. Kram tries to catch one for Phupha but can't quite manage it, and somehow they end up very close together again.

SO THEY KISS ABOUT IT. AGAIN.

Not only do they kiss about it, clothes start coming off and things start getting hot and heavy before Kram's dad calls up and interrupts them. He doesn't actually see anything (since they're horizontal and shielded by the brush) but he does notice the state they're in when they come down.

Which leads me nicely to the painting.

The Nude Portrait

Remember the nude portrait Kram did of Phupha? In the show, it comes about after Kram accidentally paints Scarface Tai. Phupha sees the painting and realizes how skilled Kram is and hires Kram to paint him.

In the novel, Kram shows Phupha a spare room where he stores all his works and as they're looking through them, Phupha comes across a nude portrait Kram had done of DUANDAOW. KRAM'S CHILDHOOD FRIEND.

Kram tells him that she had agreed to pose for him one day so he could practice painting figures, as all artists do, and Phupha gets all quiet and grumpy and jealous about it. So what does he do? Hire Kram to paint a nude portrait for him like the one Kram had done for Duandaow.

If you'll recall, this is pretty much what happens in the show when Tai asks Kram do paint a nude portrait of him. He gets jealous because Kram had done one of Phupha and asks for one just like it. It seems like the writers reworked that bit since they also wrote out that Kram had done a portait of Duandaow.

And that's not all they reworked.

The painting session with Phupha in the novel begins the same as it does in the show. Kram is doing his thing while Phupha looks all pretty with his cloth in the river. But just like the nude painting scene with Tai, Kram starts getting distracted because of how good Phupha looks.

And I just have to say, the author always makes a point to describe how beautiful Phupha is, but I especially appreciate them taking the time to tell us that Phupha has lovely ample breasts and pretty nipples. Especially because wiping sweat off those lovely ample breasts is what brings Kram so very close to Phupha for the third time. Except this time, they don't just kiss about it.

THEY FUCK ABOUT IT. RIGHT BY THE RIVER. AND THEN GO RIGHT BACK TO THE PAINTING SESSION WHEN THEY'RE DONE.

In the show, this painting scene is where we get their first kiss but as you have seen, beloved reader, we are several kisses in by this point in the novel

Dilok

It's after this that we cut to Kram's dad's perspective for a bit, and I only mention this because it's so goddamn funny and also serves to highlight a few of important points.

The man is just so endearingly oblivious. He saw how disheveled Kram and Phupha were when they came down from the mountain as I mentioned above and assumes they fought each other after having an argument. This man interpreted two horizontal silhouettes moving together as a FIST FIGHT. He assumes they're angry at each other when they won't even look at each other.

THIS MAN THINKS KRAM AND PHUPHA ARE FIGHTING TO THE DEATH EVERY TIME THEY GO UP TO THE MOUNTAIN AND COME BACK LOOKING SWEATY AND FLUSHED AND RUMPLED AND IF THAT'S NOT THE FUNNIEST THING GODDAMN THING I'VE EVER READ I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

In one instance, Dilok catches Phupha leaving Kram's bedroom early in the morning and believes Phupha when he tells him he "fell asleep" after he and Kram "talked" all night. Dilok even thinks to himself how proud he is that they're so mature and communicate so well! I love Dilok so much, you don't understand.

That aside, however, his hilarious misinterpretation tells us that unlike in the show, Kram and Phupha are fucking on the reg. And bear in mind that Kram still technically has an ash exchange ceremony coming up with Duandaow but before I get into everything with her, I wanted to share this passage where Dilok happens upon both her and Phupha's portraits because it says something important about Kram's relationship with Duandaow. Also because I love it.

Duandaow

Duandaow's presence is yet another major difference between the novel and the show.

The show doesn't tell us a whole lot about her. We know only that she has an ash exchange ceremony coming up with Kram and that when she realizes that Kram has feelings for Phupha, she takes herself out of the equation so they can be together.

The novel gives us so much more. She's featured prominently when Kram disappears in the forest, she cares for Phupha when he passes out, she appears every time Phupha goes to her grandmother's store to get medicine for Kram, and of course there's the fact that Kram painted her.

She has been in love with Kram her whole life. In addition to getting her history, we learn that they've known each other since childhood and that they were very close since they were the only two children in the village that were the same age. And it's partially because there's no one else for either them that being with Kram is a foregone conclusion to her and it's why she assumes that's the case for him as well.

She confesses to Kram and he responds with something along the lines of "Who would I love if not you? It's just us here." It's not an "I love you, too" but she takes it that way. Kram literally has no one else so his response may seem sweet but to me, it reads as him accepting on some level that there's no other option and settling.

I do think he cares deeply for Duandaow but I don't think he's in love with her. Several things drive this home for me (including that passage above) but the one that stands out the most is actually when they lose their virginity to each other.

It happens one day after they go swimming together (at the infamous waterfall I might add). She makes the first move and he hesitates at first but he gets swept up in the moment and it's all very shy and sweet. Thing is, after it happens, Kram keeps things strictly friendly between them. So much so that she thinks the whole thing got wiped from his memory.

And this sense of "who else if not you" persists pretty much their whole lives up until this point. They have an ash exchange ceremony coming up because why wouldn't they? There's no other option. Oh, the comphet of it all.

She isn't stepping aside for Phupha because she doesn't realize there's something between him and Kram. She notices something there that makes her suspicious but those suspicions are nebulous at best. It never occurs to her that they could have any relationship beyond friendship because why would they?

The Other Love Triangle

Phupha has had silent, one-sided beef with Duandaow ever since he saw that painting of her. He's polite to her but just barely, he doesn't make any effort at friendliness or real conversation. He's jealous and he has good reason to be, because he and Kram haven't declared any feelings for each other or had the "what are we" conversation.

Not only that, there is an ash exchange ceremony coming up. Phupha has no idea what that ceremony is until he asks Kram's dad one day and Dilok tells him IT'S A MARRIAGE CEREMONY. Show!Kram had some nerve getting pissy at Phupha for having a fiancee he didn't tell Kram about when Kram had one too!

Here Phupha is, so very in love and in a very physical relationship with Kram, and then he learns Kram is about to get married to someone else. He doesn't know whether Kram returns his feelings, he doesn't know where he stands, there's been no hint of calling off the wedding, so what does he do?

He takes himself out of the equation just like Duandaow does in the show.

Phupha chooses not to confess his feelings to Kram, he spends one last night snuggling him, and then he takes the L and quietly goes back to his life in Rattha.

Oh, what's that you say? You wanted some salt in that wound? How about the fact that KRAM GOES THROUGH WITH THE CEREMONY AND MARRIES DUANDAOW?

More? HE ONLY REALIZES HIS FEELINGS FOR PHUPHA AFTER HE'S ALREADY GONE AND ONLY MARRIES DUANDAOW OUT OF OBLIGATION AND BECAUSE PHUPHA IS NO LONGER THERE.

It's a MESS and there is no resolution for it because the novel translation isn't done!

*screams*

Tai

You might have noticed that I haven't really talked about Tai and that's because he only shows up once in these few chapters we have so far. The ones that take place in World 1, that is. But boy howdy does he come in with a bang when he does. Literally.

When Phupha hires Kram to paint him, Kram asks him to take him into the city as payment. There's an arts festival happening and Kram wanted to go so he could show off his dad's paintings.

Everything is going lovely, everyone is having a good time. At least until Duandaow shows up and Phupha turns into a salty salmon about it but we already talked about her.

The brand new chief of police has been asked to make a speech to inaugurate the festival and a short while after he gets on stage to make it, there is a bang. It's followed by screams and a second bang.

Tai showed up at the festival, shot an officer in the gut, and then killed the chief in cold blood to get revenge for the chief recently killing his father.

Bedlam ensues. People are screaming and terrified and fleeing the scene and Tai is looking to flee the scene too, but it just so happens that Kram is blocking his escape route. Tai shouts for him to move but something comes over Kram and he's not budging. Doesn't matter how much Tai threatens him or how much Phupha pleads with him, Tai belongs to the gang that killed his mother and he ain't moving.

My boy doesn't move even when Tai points a gun in his face. That's how much he hates this man and everything he represents. And Tai fully intends to kill him, but there's a moment where he locks eyes with Kram and something shifts within him.

There's a shot, but because we switch to Duandaow's perspective in that moment, we don't know exactly what happens. We know only that the shot missed and that Phupha rushed to hug Kram to his body and shield him from the shot.

Kram was in point blank range. There was no way in hell that shot missed unless that's what Tai intended. But that's all we've gotten of Tai in World 1 so far so there hasn't been a chance to dig into anything more.

The Stabbing of Viroj

There's one more thing I wanna mention, which also happens to be the stopping point for the translation at this time.

In the show, in World 1, Phupha's biological father Viroj gets attacked after Phupha and Kram go talk to him about the incident in the gallery with Tai and the conversation Phupha had with his father.

In the novel, that conversation with Adisak and Phupha's aunt and stepmother takes place right after Phupha goes back to Rattha and for the subsequent conversation with Viroj, Phupha is obviously alone.

The circumstances that precede the stabbing at a little different but that's a whole other tangent so I'm not gonna get into it. The rest of it is largely the same as in the show.

Someone breaks in, stabs Viroj, Phupha hears a scream and comes upon the scene, he has the realization about his hemophilia, he calls an ambulance and the police.

Only a few details are different. In the novel, he does actually manage to call for help but help never comes so he decides to take Viroj to the hospital himself. Unfortunately Viroj dies before Phupha can take him.

After his death, Phupha calls his dad Adisak to tell him that someone killed Viroj and to ask him to call for help. Adisak does, and when Phupha gets a call from the paramedics asking for more information, the paramedic asks where the patient was stabbed.

Problem is, Phupha never told Adisak that Viroj had been stabbed. Phupha immediately suspects that Adisak knows more about the attack than he let on and was possibly even behind it.

This is as far as the translation has taken us so I have to stop here. Sometime before the finale I'm gonna write up part two to this absolute saga, which will be the differences between World 2 in the novel and show.

If you've read this far, thank you. You're lovely and I love you. ❤️

[herotome]

Devlog #126

Hi-ho, Wudge here.

Happy new year! And open disclosure, I uh... kinda worked through the holidays. And in fact, I... worked this past weekend...

My friend @crescencestudio informed me I also worked through the holidays last year... So uh, I think I owe myself a break.

ᵂʰᵉᵗʰᵉʳ ᵒʳ ⁿᵒᵗ ᴵ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃˡˡʸ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ…

A-- Ahem.

On expressions - I'm reaching a point where I drew enough assets that I can mix and match! ... Mia doesn't have a single smile just yet.

I organized the PSD/.clip files for Mia and Warden a great deal too - much easier to find revelant layers now. Haven't finished importing/coding the expressions into the game yet - that'll be a whole song and dance for another day.

There's a few more small parts I wanna draw (namely irises to the side, and a 'talking' open mouth), and then she should be all set for her demo scene. Fingers crossed.

I'll either jump back to Warden next, or move onto Griffin.

I also drew.... three concepts for potential upcoming characters (and for 2 objects!). I don't wanna show them off since there's no guarantee that they'll be in the game/that this will be their final designs, but I can at least give a lil peek:

I had a nice time comparing these concepts to my concept art from 1-2 years ago! My line confidence seems to have improved :D

It's kinda weird since gesture and linework were always My Thing when I worked traditionally, but when I transitioned to digital art there was still a huge learning curve! I'm happy to have gotten better at it, but it took a surprising long while.

Writing-wise - I came up with what I think is a preeetty solid idea for showing off Mia's powers in-game! I have a rough draft/notes of the scene, it's not remotely near first draft completion, but I can at least show off this choice menu:

That's about it, I think...!

Sorry I've been slacking a bit on getting back with yall - I see yalls messages and they are delightful. I've been spending my spoons too recklessly - I'll really try to take a bit of time off to get myself back to normal. So uh, maybe no devlog next week - I'll try not to hold myself to it and just. try. not to work. lol.

Thank you for bearing with me!!!

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[goldensunset]

well ok

slightly sappy post incoming

dang. i really started pokémon black 2 almost four months ago??? toward the end of august??? completely insane. it took me a long time just to do the main story and then i was like i wanna do all the side postgame stuff afterwards plus the season-restricted stuff. which was totally worth it. but now at last i feel that this journey has come to an end…

but like the thing about this being a sequel is it’s also kinda the end of my overarching gen 5 journey? which i think is even more painful. i have absolutely completely fallen to death in love with these games over the course of this entire year of 2024, seeing as i started the first game in january. the year of unova for me. and it has truly been the highlight of my year. not that that’s much of an achievement bc this year has lowkey sucked for me but like these games and their characters and stories and songs have seriously brightened my life so much i’m so grateful. it’s hard saying i’m finally done! i got so obsessed i even read the manga… i suppose i still have the pokémon masters ex cutscenes to watch even if those aren’t canon but like canon enough right? i need every ounce of gen 5 i can get

i’d been wanting to play this gen for a while bc i knew it was a lot of people’s favorites and i knew i’d love it and it would destroy me. but i was just going to wait for remakes, until i was finally convinced i should just learn how to emulate. and the payoff was excellent! my beloved laptop is so strong for this lol. but it’s time to end her agony. at least for now (we’ll see what i decide to emulate next!!!)

so uh not sure how to end this. both the first and second games blew me away at every turn even though my expectations were already high. if it wasn’t clear where i stood on the matter. Wow. i hope the inevitable remakes are good and i hope there’s a legends game someday bc i am completely insane and the world at large needs to know about and love unova forever. this experience will live with me forever genuinely. proof that you don’t have to be a kid to experience childlike wonder that will later become nostalgia. pokémon is for all ages!!

in conclusion thank you for bearing with my uh. well. i don’t even want to know how many hundreds of posts there are in this tag. thank you for bearing with my incessant ramblings and updates! see i do it for myself bc i need to archive my own nonstop thoughts plus i like hearing feedback if i need help… but i also do love it so much when other people who have played the game before get excited to relive their first-time experience vicariously through me. and i also love it when people who haven’t played it message me saying ‘i have literally no idea what you’re talking about at all but i’m glad you’re having fun i think?’. objectively funny. stay tuned for the next time i play or replay a game and can’t shut my mouth once ever!

peace out

[generalsmemories]

i am kindly asking you to please elaborate your discussion about dan heng's past bcos it's really interesting

Oh bestie buckle up then-

Dan Heng's past is very complicated. If we only go from the character stories from Dan Heng's character screen we get to know that he was on the run since as long as he can remember - and that he was essentially born in prison - That is the past that Dan Heng REMEMBERS.

But if we want to dig deeper, we go to inner turmoils and dipping down the very essence of Vidyadhara's - which is the route I'm going here.

Here's an overview that I'm going to go explain about Dan Heng's character as a whole:

An explanation of the short animation: "Ichor of Two Dragons" which can further explain the last point below:

Dan Feng and how Dan Heng is a continuation of Dan Feng. As in: Dan Feng is Dan Heng's past, but Dan Heng is Dan Feng's future.

literally settle down and grab some water while you read through i'm pretty darn sure this is going to be a long one although i'll try to just say the main points - if there are anything within this post that confuses you do ask me and i'll elaborate further!

A few things you should know before continuing: I will most likely mention leaks and I will talk about religion (buddhism in particular) So this is in no way spoiler free so read with own caution, thank u <3

I hope we can all agree on the fact that Dan Heng is a chinese character with heavy buddhist themes. As such I do want you to read through this post with that thought at the back of your mind (speaking from a buddhist myself, the way how hoyoverse incorporated the various aspects of it with the Vidyadhara and to that extent, Dan Heng is very beautiful)

As such, the saying that: "Dan Heng and Dan Feng are the exact same person." and "Dan Heng and Dan Feng are two completely different people," are takes that misses the point of his entire story and thus also downgrades his final resolution as well.

That will be all from what I personally want you do to, enjoy the rest of this HAHA

1. Explanation of the animated short: "Ichor of Two Dragons"

The animation starts off with the High Cloud Quintet drinking together, this is inherently Dan Feng's memory re-experienced by Dan Heng. This memory is something he actually accepts without complaint, even smiling like he's personally there experiencing it.

Conflict however soon breaks out between Dan Heng and Dan Feng - which marks the start of Dan Heng's internal conflict - thus all of his fears, traums and doubts resurface in the form of his past self.

NOTE HOWEVER: that the Dan Feng portrayed throughout this entire animation isn't actually Dan Feng. It is instead a reflection of Dan Heng's own thoughts and beliefs that causes him inner turmoil.

It's not meant to be interpreted as a literal battle against Dan Heng and Dan Feng.

Everything that "Dan Feng" says up till the point where they clash are Dan Heng's own thoughts and what he's been taught to believe since his rebirth in the Shackling Prison - where he was subjected to indoctrination about Dan Feng, his past life's sin and the punishment he must bear.

Which also in hindsight does tell a LOT about how Dan Heng himself perceives Dan Feng: An arrogant and unfeeling person - and thus is so different from himself. Dan Feng is to Dan Heng the very reason everything bad has happened to him in his life, and as a result fiercely wants to detach himself from him.

It's understandable really, when you were taught that your very existence is a sin in itself because of the narrative surrounding Dan Feng is that of a villain - and then your very own identity feels threatened because it's associated with said "vilain."

This line in particular tells a lot about how Dan Heng is very much aware that he can't keep running. It's a reflection of the harsh truth that Dan Heng himself is aware of. Joining the express while not having a clear aim or destination of his own is never a permament solution for his desire to escape the past.

Speaking of said clash, a direct fight doesn't happen before Dan Heng asserts the fact he is not Dan Feng.

This is the obvious instance that Dan Heng rejects an integral part of himself, and it's the very same rejection to said identity that generates both chaos, conflict and inner turmoil that takes the form of a fight. A fight that goes on until Dan Heng eventually gets submerged by Dan Feng's waters and the dragon after he's told he has nowhere to run.

"Nowhere to run" is mentioned a lot throughout Dan Heng's story. The saying itself is a reference to Dan Heng's karma that he refuses to confront the consequences of. Karma in this instant is something that transcends the cycle of rebirth (samsara) and in thus reflected in the line of "a past life's sin must be repaid in this one"

NOW. A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE LAST SENTENCE. CAUSE HE'S A NEW PERSON, WHY MUST HE REPAY HIS PAST INCARNATIONS' SIN IF HE HIMSELF DIDN'T DO IT?

Let me tell you! From the perspective of a buddhist!

In modern times, the usage of the word karma has really wilted down to saying that "Karma will come back to bite your ass" etc. In a way saying that if you don't try to fix a fuck up that you did recently, you would get consequences for it later DOWN THE ROAD.

Meanwhile, in buddhist tradition, karma refers to actions driven by intention. Samsara and karma are so intregrated that the karmic intentions and accumulations of the actions you've done in one life wil be the determining factor in what kind of rebirth you will have in the next life.

Karma will come to bite you in the ass yes, but especially in your next lifetime if you continue doing actions with ill intent - going as far to being the one determining factor if you're gonna live a peaceful, nice life or be reborn as a bug.

Why should that matter, you ask?

You remember Blade telling Dan Heng that he has NEVER experienced death? Because it is indeed true. The Vidyadhara molts themeslves to essentially fix their bodies and enter a new rebirth cycle - as such, avoiding death.

It's a different body, but the soul - their essence is still the same.

I'll come back more to this later, but for now let's continue explaining the animation.

It's ONLY when Dan Heng asserts the fact that Dan Feng is right that a change happpens. In the english translation given he says: "You're right. You are my past, but you won't follow me into my future!" it's only when he accepts that fact that he's able to stop being suffocated by the water - even embracing the same thing that tried to drown him and using it as his own power, able to manipulate it and even turn the dragon back on its first caster.

Now, the most vital part (and also in my opinion, the most beautiful one) is the fact that the fight doesn't end with Dan Heng striking down Dan Feng.

It ends with Dan Heng passing by Dan Feng and dispersing the dragon into rain instead. It ends with Dan Heng accepting that past. Accepting Dan Feng as a part of himself.

Now, a thing I realized with the english translation is that it goes a different way than what both the chinese voice and jp dub had said. I listen to the JP dub, and I do have better listening comprehension to the spoken language than written. While the english version goes with the: "You are my past, but you won't follow me into my future!"

Both the chinese version and jp version says something more akin to: "You are my past, but you are by no means my future!" It's slightly the same, but this final resolution said in that way instead holds a lot more weight and nuance.

The fight starts with Dan Heng rejecting Dan Feng, but ends with the opposite. Dan Heng is accepting that yes, he was once Dan Feng - but he's not going to let that define him entirely as a person or let that define his future entirely.

Another difference in translation that english has compared to the jp dub that I noticed (can't speak for chinese voice here) is the ending with Welt, March and the trailblazer appearance.

While ENG Welt asks if Dan Heng is alright. The JP version rather asks: "Did you remember something?"

In ENG, Dan Heng responds the question with: "Mm. Just reminiscing," in JP, he answers something along the lines of: "Something from long ago."

(i would like to also point out that march noticed him smiling and wasn't just like: "GIVE ME A SMILE!" out of nowhere to ease him, but more like: "Oh you're smiling! How rare, hey do it one more time!") ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ oh my dear express family.

In a way, phrasing a memory from your past self in that way just holds a lot more weight with Dan Heng's acceptance of his past, by referring to Dan Feng's memories as memories from long ago rather than labeling it as something separate.

In conclusion, the animated short is only the start of Dan Heng's story (as I very much hoped it would be) and not a conclusion. With this animation, it has established Dan Heng's goal as a character and sets the stage for the future of his character (AND THUS MORE DEVELOPMENT YEEHAW!) It's a great starting point for Dan Heng to find a way to reconcile the past and the present to finally be able to face his future.

2. Dan Feng and how Dan Heng is a continuation of Dan Feng. As in: Dan Feng is Dan Heng's past, but Dan Heng is Dan Feng's future.

Now, here is where some leaks actually comes in (Moreso one leak of Jingliu's voicelines-)

Remember how I mentioned earlier that we would come back to the essence of the soul and how Vidyadhara have different bodies after every rebirth, but the same soul. Yeah, WE ARE BACK TO THAT AGAIN TOO!

The clash between Dan Feng and Dan Heng in the short animation wsa an emotional one, it was a clash between Dan Heng and his inner turmoil that essentially ended with no true winner. Rather it showed Dan Heng's slow acceptrance with coming in terms with his own past and accepting continous nature of his identity.

Because if you look at it this way with the knowledge that the same Vidyadhara will forever bear the same soul - Dan Heng would be considered the cumulative result of all his past lives and his current one.

There is a continuity of identity as it undergoes the cycle of rebirth, where each new incarnation is an augmentation of the previous one. As such, in the world of Star Rail, identity is not fixed, but fluid. It changes, but it's still the same soul from the very first one.

The new identity changes and evolves with each incarnation, with information by the experiences of the previous one. Most Vidyadhara have belongings that their previous incarnation have left behind, notes left behind them - and the few I've met in the open world of Star Rail do also come to love whatever their previous incarnation loved.

And as mentioned in an older post (that i'm way too lazy to dig up at this point lmfao) A newborn Vidyadhara usually gets pardoned the sins of their past life - but Dan Heng is a special case because of the emphasis of a FLAWED rebirth - as such he more than anyone have gotten the treatment of a life's past sins must be repaid in this one because his very essence and soul is closer to a continuity of his past one than other Vidyadhara.

Again, I desperately want you all to view this through the lens of a buddhist and understand that Dan Heng is written from an asian perspective. The complexity of karma and samsara in buddhism is the fact that it's flexible, fluid and a dynamic process - There is no set linear relationship between an action done and its result. The effect of the deed is not solely determined by the deed itself as well - but rather by the nature of the person who commited the deed and by the circumstances in which it is committed.

Because Karma in itself is not a judgement imposed by some God, we don't believe in a god after all. It is instead the results of a natural process, a result of certain experiences in life which were the results of previous actions. Unjust behaviour can lead to unfavorable circumstances which makes it easier for the person to commit more unjust behaviour, but again. You're free to commit more unjust behaviour, but you're also free to not do so.

Which means that the journey of the soul isn't linear by all means, it's cyclical with each end of one being the beginning of the next cycle: The result of what happened in one life becomes the starting point for the next life.

Dan Heng's major character points is the struggle of identity. And the character stories from his IL form shows the evident struggle with identity again - Mind you, these character stories for Dan Heng: Imbibitor Lunae are just a recollection of important point in Dan Feng's life being dreamt about when he was forced through rebirth)

Jingliu's leaked voiceline about Dan Feng gives us the confirmation that to become the High Elder means losing your own identity to a certain degree - even to the point that your very physical appearance morphs to resemble the Primordial Imbibitor Lunae (the very first one)

I want to preface as to where we stand as of right now, the current perception of Dan Feng is of an unfeeling, aloof and arrogant person. Someone who caused suffering to his next reincarnation - But by doing Dan Heng's companion quest alone it raises so many arguments that's so far from the truth. (HECK EVEN BAILU MANAGES TO SEE THAT DAN FENG COULD'VE BEEN A GENTLE PERSON)

Because as much as the fandom want Dan Heng to be separated from Dan Feng because he's his own person, it wouldn't be wrong to assume that Dan Feng yearned freedom too, no?

What if Dan Feng also yearned for freedoom amongst the stars, maybe the reason why Dan Feng severed the High Elder succession like he did - maybe he wanted his future selves to not be bound by the same shackles like he was? It wouldn't be farfetched, right?

Dan Feng is indeed Dan Heng's past. His memories, experiences, abilities, powers and EVEN PERSONAL items were once Dan Feng's. It is now Dan Heng's, but again. Dan Heng was once Dan Feng too.

As such, Dan Heng is Dan Feng's future - a future where he's able to attain the freedom he wanted.

ANYWAYS. I FRIED MY BRAIN CAUSE I WROTE 80% OF THIS IN ONE SETTING, SOME THINGS PROBABLY DOES'T MAKE SENSE AT ALL BUT YEAH! DO ASK IN THE ASKBOX AS I'VE SAID BEFORE. IF YA READ THIS FAR AND STILL RETAIN YOUR BRAINCELLS THAN WOW

I APPLAUD YOU HAHA

[bullet-prooflove]

Follow That Beat Prompt List

Please check the updated character list on my pinned post to see who I am writing for before submitting a prompt!

Also read the rules and do not forget to put the entire prompt into your ask!

She was sitting in another man’s pick up truck, kissing him on the mouth

He’s as tough as the tattoos up his right arm

He hides his heart and hurt because he kinda had to

I’ve run too many miles trying to ride out all the sadness

Oh, there was Heaven in your eyes

Shot guns and roses

Confident sexy in the heels you walking in

Ain't afraid to take chances And wears her heart on her sleeve

But if you see her tonight she’ll be flirting with Jack

 you're my favorite kind of night

Every time I see you lying next to me in this room I stop and thank the good lord for blessing me with you

Hold me close and I won't leave

I bet you love me more after that first fuck

The way that she drives me wild

I’ve talked him down from getting in a fight or two

Everything's alright when She calls me back,

I know I've waited so long to tie the knot But better late than not

But I can't stop the rush And I can't give you up

He stands his ground, he’s as stubborn as the weeds in the back yard

The daylight holds you close, but tonight you are mine

Growing up he had to go where the wind blew

When she gets that come-get-me look in her eyes

Got me pulling on your hair

So I love when you call unexpected

Don't turn off the lights (lights)Can we try something new?

Timid girl black dress with hair tied back

Teddy bears and "I'm sorry" letters

I'd be kicking myself if I didn't get one knee Give you this diamond ring

Wanna be in love but I can’t get close to anybody

You know our love would be tragic

I'd be the happiest man in the world to call ya mine

If I was here I would damn sure hate me

Somethin' 'bout you Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't

Look at me and don't you lie

I’m afraid you’ll walk away when the tears start running, but I hope not.

It's harder than I thought to tell the truth

I just fuck you and leave

Destiny called as we locked into each other's eyes

And you're all about the chase But you won't ever let me catch you

Don't bury me alive

All that you got, skin to skin, oh my God Don't you stop

Fate told me woman like you are one of a kind

Girl my eyes rose and my heart dropped to the floor The second you walked through that door

Do you lie awake restless?

I know that you want me to stay with you, but no

I ain't a stranger to the foreplay

Taking control of this kind of moment

Maybe I can drive ya home

She can't help but amaze me

I can feel your body trembling Don't worry, I'ma give it all to you

Cause I've been looking for a woman like you for quite some time

I fell in love with the Devil And now I'm in trouble

Made my decision to test my limits

Realizin', shouldn't have let you go

Gentle love but touch passionately

I took a good thing and turned into goodbye

die while saving you

You lose your friends, you lose your wife

[fanaticsnail]

Hello Snail! I adore your Writing so much and inhope you Take time to refill your cup 🥺 and i am very Happy that you have opened comissions, you deserve that your writing is amazing, don't get me wrong. 🙏🏻

I am a little confused about your requests tho. Because sometimes someone just asks you with vague Idea or a scenario and you write a full fic about it...does that count as a requests too? Or when someone asks for another character for a series Like "dreaming of you" for example. Can we No longer do that? Would that be disrespectful now?

And what about the requests you have accumulated at this point, like the "Kissing booth" series for exammple? Will that nonlonger be continued? 🥺

I Just wanna know how to interact with you from now on in regards to these Things

Hi Anon! Thank you for your beautiful ask, and I appreciate you so much for wanting further clarification on my commissions. I found as I was writing my response, that I waffled and went on for far too long in phrasing all of it.

To make a long story short, absolutely go on as we always have together here:

When my requests are open, send me requests of scenarios you'd love to see come to light.

When I'm completing a broad series, absolutely send in your preferences on which way you'd love to see me leading it.

That's how it's always been, and as it always should be here. I have a very deep love for this community, and I adore the interaction we all have together. Nothing has changed in that regard.

For commissions: it's specifically for that person, not for here unless they would like it displayed on my blog. Attached via email, docs, or discord: my words curated for the person purchasing it - and only them.

Again, nothing has changed. Content will be produced as it has been, and will continue to do so for free, as it always was. I don't see myself stopping any time soon with my words, and I hope you stay along for the ride.

There is more I feel I have to say, and it's listed below the cut just in case. Again, I love you all here, and nothing has changed.

Firstly: allow me to specify, and thank you so much for your ask, my absolute darling. My answer is lengthy, but please bear with me.

Requests are currently closed: I have a few in my arsenal that I am still plowing through at the pace that I can when the words come to me. The Kissing Booth is closed, and there are a few in my inbox that I am going to complete when the scene arrives in my mind. I also have chaptered series that I'll be running alongside these, and I can't wait to release them.

If there's a series that you would like to see for a character that I've not yet written for (pollen, dreaming of you, dance series, Hey Doc scenario) always, always submit an idea. I love hearing your thoughts and letting the words take me on a ride with them. I write for me, and those interactions mean the absolute world to me.

I had my requests open for a while to allow my creativity to fly, and promptly close them after receiving a fair few prompts. Again, the kissing booth is closed, and I have so many beautiful characters I can't wait to write kisses for (Tashigi, Nami, Robin my beloveds). There was an issue with my asks glitching for a while, but I have managed to save all those I received in a doc to not lose them this time around.

I feel like I should clarify a little bit regarding commissions, and I really should've added it to the sheet when I made it. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to talk more about this, I really appreciate it.

With limited slots available at a time, commissions will be happening. What that means is I will do my best to meet the criteria of a specific scenario: original character x Canon, or canon x reader or otherwise - exclusively for the person that requests it within the parameters specified.

It's more personalised and more controlled by the person requesting, rather than giving me an idea and watching me sprint beyond the horizon. It's also more intimate: gifted directly to the person asking for a slot, as opposed to sharing to those within this beautiful community that I love so much here. It will be unpublished here or AO3, unless the person commissioning would like to see it showcased on my blog.

Again, I will also be writing for the community here with the content that I always have been. There are so many unfinished works that I would love to wrap up with a big bow before the year has finished.

I'll add again: I will still be making content for free here with my own thoughts and completing prior requests, and I have no intention of stopping any time soon.

To sum up:

If you like my writing, and would like to see specifically curated material personally for you and your own use, I have a few slots available to deliver that material for those who request it. If you've read my material and want to see what it would look like with a specific character, an original character, or 'x reader' in your Gmail, docs, or Discord, this is an opportunity to see it come to fruition.

The words I produce for my commissions are for the person purchasing it, and if they'd like me to share it here, I would absolutely do so.

Again: I will still be writing my usual content here alongside commissions.

To use a specific example of my own preference:

I love Heat (Kid Pirate) as a character, and would love to see more Heat content put out there.

If I've found a person who writes for Heat, and I love the way they write him in all the fics they've described him in, and I would love to see them write for a specific reader exclusively for me (afab, amab, original character with their name intact, or otherwise specified). If they had an option to do this, I would absolutely want it from them because I love their content so much.

Similarly to an artist producing visual media, and using the above as the same example:

"But Snail... Why are you opening commissions now when you've always written for free?"

I would interact similarly to this:

"This artist is amazing, and the way they draw Heat is awesome and exactly how I picture him. I'd love to see him in a pose of my own choosing as opposed to how they normally draw him: breathing fire, with a man, with a woman, with a mink-kind, with a fishfolk, without Wire, in a Heart Pirate Boiler Suit - I just think he's neat, and I would love an art piece specifically for me that nobody else has access to but me and the person who created it."

Anon, I'm not having a go at you and I love you for wanting to clarify this with me. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to give an explanation. I appreciate you all the more for it.

I am opening commissions for the same reason I want to commission other artists and writers: I would like to purchase their creativity and enjoy it myself.

If I was to use the earlier example in this response regarding Heat, I would love to see more 'Heat x Tobiuo' content. Tobiuo is my original character, and Heat is her person. Them together is my favourite, and I would love to see another artist's visual media, or written content with their take on them. I am happy to read Heat x reader, or other Heat x OC writing - but I would really like to see my own original character - that's what commissions are for.

Tldr: commissions are curated specifically for the person requesting them, a little creation for them and them alone unless otherwise specified to publish on Tumblr of AO3.

I will not be halting my original content, or abandoning any of my requests I accumulated before closing them. I plan to complete them as they were asked in a timely manner that suits me, alongside commissioned work given specifically to the person requesting it.

I'm still writing for free in a non-exclusive way: hearing asks, listening to words, and going wherever the wind takes me. Commissions are exclusively for the person requesting them, and a way for me to make money so I can pay for commissions of my own from other creators.

I will still be writing my usual content here, and please absolutely don't stop interacting as we always have been.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to ramble on about this, I really appreciate the time you've given me to express further clarity. If you've read this far, thank you for your time.

Regular content will be still running here, and I love all of our interactions we have in this space we've created together. Again, thank you anon. 🖤🐌

[iwakuraz]

hello can i ask you about your ocs? your art of them is so cool, i’d love to know more about them

:0 YES!!!! THANK U SM thats so nice of you!!! going on a rant under the cut hehe. hope u do not mind that super bad at explaining so its all just me saying random stuff ajshdj. sorry about that

SO STARTING WITH THESE TWO

the one with buns is called rue and shes an oc I've had since like 2020 ,, shes kinda rude and mean but shes also pretty gay w/ the other character next to her. I think I'm gonna call the other girl paige? but I haven't reallyyyy decided on a name yet! one thing about me is that I'm pretty bad at naming characters. I named her after this one old art website I used as a kid though, the website was called 'paigeeworld'. dunno how many people remember paigeeworld but I do. and paige is def the kinda person to go on art websites like paigeeworld and deviantart. so thats why I'm thinking of using that name. also I named rue after the flower rue

I have a story for them vaguely planned out in my head but I need to flesh it out more. I have the ending planned out but uh. the other parts of the story? yeah. I only have those vaguely decided. they're pretty fucked up tho and .yeah . they make eachother worse probably.

rues birthday is 18th august, paiges birthday is 6th of june. these dates do mean something! paiges birthday is the same day that paigeeworld originally announced their closure (I think?) but rues birthday is something a bit more personal 2 me. their story isn't really connected with any of my other ocs, they're sorta just chilling. I started making a fun silly comic thing with them a bit ago but have barely gotten anything done with that cause school. :[

in my head, paige sorta reminds me of the stummy book song 'we all fall down'. thats why I gave her a cup. bc haha get it...... we're all just drinking out of cups waiting for the day when we can't get enough,,, I think her character item is gonna be a cup. always has a cup of like milkshake or something. yum I love milkshake. a song that I associate with rue is 'please tell me mr wonder' by siinamota. and rues character items is her plush of a bear and a bunny! her plushies are alive btw and talk to her sometimes. but I should probably draw her with her plushies more because right now I only have a slightly old animation of her with them. blehhh

there is another oc who is relevant to these two, her name is rini. but I haven't done a proper drawing of her in a while,, I have a drawing of her from 2022 and I am not showing that. rini is in the same class as paige and rue tho. shes the class representative

next here is dot. shes the mascot of my neocities site but I like her quite a lot :] shes a pretty big nerd I think. nerd bunny. her main source of literature consumption is reading old instruction manuals on how to use windows 98.

OKAY NOW TALKIGN ABOUT VIN MY FRIEND VIN!!!! definitely the oc I've posted about the most. full name is vincent but you can call him vin for short, or vinny for medium. I named him after the car seat headrest song vincent. his favourite food is salt packets (the type you get in restaurants) and his favourite beverage is vinegar. VINegar. I like him a Lot and hes basicallyyy my fursona :3 hes a lonely sad teenage cat and I love him so much!!! he doesn't talk a lot, but I think he communicates through likee his tamagotchi or something. again this is another character I have a story planned out for vaguely but I should flesh him out a lot more. I think right now I'm more just using him to represent myself. just know he is very very special to me -w-

AND. do u see the cat on the left. I think I will name them pepper. they're meant to contrast with vin, I think they're rlly energetic and fun and yeah!!!! :3c <- basically they are that emoticon! been trying to think of a name for pepper forever. I'm thinking maybe the name pepper will work. like yeah sure. I don't think they'd enjoy spicy food so they wouldn't like peppers. thats why I think pepper is the perfect name for them. peppers favourite food is probably dip dab? or whatever those things are called? yknow those weird lollipops you can get that come in a packet full of these weird powder thing and you're meant to dip the lolly into the powder? thats what pepper would eat

this is (tama)rini!!!! tamarini. basically the bunny version of the rini oc I mentioned earlier and then said nothing about! they collect tamagotchis and are very very very normal about tamagotchi. she looks sorta similar to dot, but thats not intentional. I just like the colour purple and I also like bunnies.

there are SOME others but these are my favourite ocs right now. holds them in my hands and shakes them.

[dreamyelectronicmusic]

I'm loving your Wilmon fic so very very much! I was feeling mostly done with YR and all related media and ready to let it go - in a happy, pleased-with-season-3, it's all wrapped up and my hectic job is demanding my attention way - and then it was like your fic just broke through my walls and reminded me why I fell in love with the show and its characters. Your Wille and Simon are so good to each other. Their anticipation and nerves and exhilaration as they begin to reconnect - it's everything.

I was surprised to see it's your first YR fic! I'm curious about your story of finding the show - when did that happen for you, when did you first feel inspired to create this beautiful extension of the YR world?

Aw, thank you so much for this lovely ask, I'm so happy you like the fic! 💜💜

I discovered YR literally on day one! Or even before day one, because I remember scrolling through Netflix’s coming soon page and watching the teaser. I remember thinking it looked like an Elite-type trashy teen show but that I would probably watch it because it’s Swedish (I love Nordic languages). Then on July 1, 2021, at like 10 pm, I was looking for something to numb my brain and YR popped up on the Netflix homepage and I thought, oh I think that's the Swedish show I said I’d watch, let’s give it a try. So I watched the first episode and needless to say it did not numb my brain, I was immediately hooked. But I decided to be responsible and go to bed, and I watched eps 2-4 the next day, and then the day after that was a Saturday and beautiful weather so I went on a hike, and all the time I was trudging up hills I kept thinking “omg omg Wilhelm and Simon are so cute and August is such an asshole omg omg what is going to happen I need them to live happily ever after”. So yeah, I’ve been obsessed from the start 😂

I was never inspired to write fic for it before because I tend to prefer canon to be complete before I write anything, but mostly because I have this weird mental block about reading/writing fic in a different language than the one I consumed the original in. It just doesn’t sound right! (I watch the show in Swedish with English subtitles, so I want fics to also be in Swedish with English subtitles. Yes I know it doesn’t make sense). I guess the inspiration for ‘maybe now’ was strong enough for me to overcome that but tbh it still doesn’t sound right and I have to do weird mental gymnastics to write it 😂

Inspiration for the fic struck very shortly after the show, this is a post I made on March 19:

Ok so who's writing a fic where Simon didn't notice Wille running after the car, or noticed him but couldn't bear to talk to him again, and they have no contact for a year until Wille's decision to give up the crown is made public on his 18th birthday, prompting Simon to reach out and tell him how proud and happy for him he is?

And then I guess I didn’t wait for an answer and wrote it myself!

The inspiration came from the fact that while I love the ending we got and I am so happy that we got it, I do agree with people who think that it was rushed. Given what the first 17 episodes were like, we got the best possible episode 18, but in an ideal world, I would have liked another season, or the three seasons to have more episodes, or the episodes that we got to have a different pacing so that there was more time between the breakup and them getting back together. This is what I wrote in a reaction post after the first five episodes:

If this weren't the last season, I think I'd want them to break up now, take some time apart and get back together after some separate personal growth. But there simply isn't time for that.

One thing about me is that I love it when characters go their separate ways, have some separate growth and find out that they can live without each other, but they just really don’t want to. So in a way it’s a kind of fix-it fic for me.

Anyway, thank you for the ask and sorry I wrote a novel in response!

[the-b-journal]

Lady Miss Detty Episode 1 Truth Talking - The Essay 06 June 2024

Seriously? Another one?

I know, i know. I said i wasn't going to make a tumblr diary but i really sat and thought about it and realized - my friends know nothing about me. I mean sure, they know some things but not the stuff that really makes me me and its not even their fault, its mine.

All because i have this irrational fear that once i start telling other people about my interests (the fictional characters i like, the celebrities i'm currently obsessing over, my favorite artists or band), i'm afraid that they're gonna be taken from me. Logically, i'm aware that that doesn't make any sense. I know that, of course i do. Doesn't make it any less scary though.

So for so long, i just keep them to myself. I was gatekeeping them to my own friends. Don't get me wrong, for a while it's what worked for me. I was happy. I have my own thing. I have things that felt solely mine. But sometimes, when things are hard and i'm going through something rough, i wonder: how much does my friends really know me?

Do they know that i like to eat chocolate ice cream after every meal? Do they know that i'm currently hyper fixating on bread with scrambled eggs on top? If they randomly saw a picture of Rarity from my little pony, will they know that she's my favorite and remember me? Are they aware that i haven't read a straight romance book for roughly 5 years now because straight couples give me hives and i cannot bear to read anything about them?

It's depressing how most of the answers for the questions above are probably No. If i died today, they wouldn't know those things about me because i never told them. For some reason, the idea of my friends barely remembering anything about me when i died scares the shit out of me more than the idea of dying itself. Because how horrible is that??? I spent 21 years on this planet and the most they would probably remember about me is that i'm a tiny bixesual girl with a round face who likes to speak in english and loves barbie. That's it. If they even remember those things at all.

So i have decided that i cannot continue living like that. There has to be at least one person in my life that knows about these stuff. I would die happily knowing that there is at least one person that knows me better than anyone else. Someone who knows the inner workings of my mind, from my favorite childhood shows to my childhood trauma.

And i cannot think of anyone better to be that someone but my friend Angela. I am fully convinced that she is my soul sister because we are practically the same person. She gets me like no one does. I feel safe entrusting these information with her because i know that no matter what, she would never judge me. I mean as long as i'm not doing something outright illegal or immoral, then i know she's got my back. I love her to goddamn death.

Of course i couldn't just dump these information to her because she has a busy life of her own and she has things that gets her feeling lonely and sad too. So i thought that i would just dump these essays here and let her read them in her own time and pace. When she wants to, and not because i forced her to. There is nothing more in this world that i hate than feeling like i'm inconveniencing someone. So, Angela, you can totally not read these. Or just go back to them when you can. No pressure at all!

I think I've poured my heart enough for one sitting. I didn't expect this to be this long to be honest. Who knew i had this much to say? Anyway, i really hope that i will be able to keep this tumblr diary thing. I would be pissed at myself if i didn't. Like, really really pissed.

Mami, if you reached this point, THANK YOU! I love you so much!

Xoxo