#thanks for asking this!!! if anyone has cool info or posts from this time period or any further questions pls let me know

[frost-felon]

@ my anonymous asker: Your initial ask got eaten by Tumblr, so I'll be posting this as a separate post. You had two asks, so I'll address them both here, which works well, as I started ranting about the femme rep, lmao.

absolutely, like, 100% agree with you on everything you've said about the horrific lack of development with the interpersonal relationships between all the characters in jjk. the unexplained timeskip before the gojo vs sukuna fight made me SO MAD !!!!!!!! seeing it mentioned offhandedly. did such a massive disservice to gojo's character having his reactions to multiple deaths simply written out and missed so many opportunities for a more fulfilling narrative.

in general i feel that the relationships between characters in jjk are so... flimsily written. i have whole essays about how completely unexplored yuji and kenjaku are and how all the characters post-culling-game have suffered in favor of dishing out cool fights with fake-feeling emotional stakes. gege please start writing fights in a meaningful way... more than that please explore character dynamics outside of a purely tactical/background info way... is this the same man who wrote hidden inventory

Second ask:

my god don't even get me started on yorozu. atp the 'gege hates women' jokes can't even be dismissed that lightly I saw tsumiki's reawakening in the last jjk episode and literally said out loud don't piss me off again

Ah, thank you. I've been a bit worried about the in-universe time in JJK. If I'm not mistaken, the story starts at some point in June, and for the Juvenile Detention Center Arc/Super Happy Fun Killing Yuji Time, some point in July. Of course, Shibuya happens on the day/night of October 31st, and likely the wee hours of November 1st. The entirety of the Culling Games Arc takes place in about two weeks of November, as I recall; actually, maybe less, since the very start indicates that Yuji was on the run for a week. So many short timeskips happened early on, and had negative effects on developing characterization and worldbuilding, both of which I've thought were weak since the beginning. Worldbuilding moreso, but characterization issues were especially apparent with the second-years of Tokyo JJH and all of the Kyoto cast. This caused quite a crunch on Culling Games, since so much needed to happen over a short period of time, leading to a jumbled, molasses pace.

It's actually really interesting to me that Sukuna would agree to postpone the fight to nearly the end of December, and this would have given us more time to explore the newer characters and solidify the older ones; we really needed more interactions between Yuji and others that weren't full of misery. Or seeing Gojo adapting to life back outside the Prison Realm, especially given that so much has changed; for a character that values reforming society and raising a self-assured, powerful new generation, losing that society should lead to a re-evaluation of his priorities. Or like...develop Ieri! Hana! Miwa! And kill off Mei Mei or actually address her position within the cast.

Yeah, one of my biggest problems from the get-go was feeling that Megumi & Nobara was a dynamic that had been left to the wayside, even during early Kyoto Goodwill Arc. And those had been characters that were meant to interact regularly...literally what attachment did Higuruma have to anyone that wasn't Yuji?¹ I adore Yuji's relationships, but he's barely been allowed to have any after Shibuya. How is Choso doing, now that the only people (Yuki & Tengen) not related to him are dead or robbed of agency?

Speaking of...hoo boy, Tengen is a hell of a topic to untangle. And most femme characters really don't get to do anything. Nobara is fun, but suffered since day one with a lack of plot presence, and literally being removed from battlefields/character conflicts, lmao. Ieri straight-up doesn't matter, especially as the manga goes on--but even in Hidden Inventory, which I do think is likely the peak of JJK, she has no real impact. You could basically replace her with a medpack, and little would change. Mai gets a very good conflict with Maki, but just about nothing between then and her death. Maki has given up her niche and much of what made her engaging to become...a serial killer on the good side, suspiciously Toji-shaped. I really didn't like Perfect Preparation, and I dread re-reading it.

But "Gege hates women" was less of a joke to me, and more a hyperbolic version of a statement that I do believe in: "Gege shows a clear apathy and disregard for his femme characters." I noticed very early on in my initial read-through (to the end of 145) that many of the femme characters were simply treated differently than much of the male cast, and often given less to do. One time that I was truly disgusted, though, was how Remi (the lady with hair like a scorpion's tail, and a dependent personality) was handled, even before her ultimate fate in Culling Games. So much of that simply rubbed me the wrong way, and felt genuinely offensive, both in regards to women and to dependent personality-type individuals. And what happened to her later...man, those panels gross me the fuck out with how much they sexualize a woman who's about to get trafficked. I definitely have a lot to say on that, but I want to make sure I can actually post this before Tumblr fucks me over again.

As a note, I don't use materials outside of the story to gauge the effectiveness of the writing (and it's also because I'm a Naruto fan, so I know the Hell of databooks, nevermind some of the other art I enjoy), but I may be missing some things. Feel free to continue to make asks or to reach out to me via DMs. I do enjoy discussing JJK, whether it be for things it does well, things it does poorly, or for other reasons.

¹We did get some Higuruma & Kusakabe, but this came in late, and then Higuruma died, lmao.

[gaydennisreynolds]

Lately I'm seeing tumblr fandom "history" posts about IASIP by emberphantom and sunnyontheside and it's showing a curiosity in me I didn't know I had about this topic. Can you also share about the older Sunny fandom from what you know? I'm only joining since the podcast started so I don't know about the changes. (Sorry if I sound rude, English is not my first lang)

hi anon <3 you don't sound rude don't worry!

I was on sunnyblr the first time around 2014/2015. There were very few active sunnyblr blogs at the time and the show was only up through season 9 so less content to discuss. It was like 10 of us passing around insanity. I remember one of the biggest sunnyblrinas had a url like trashboat and went by the nickname bio or something like that. I can't find their old blog and their fics have been orphaned on a03 so RIP fallen soldier....I've been unsuccessful so far at digging up posts from this time period because all of our old blogs have been deactivated for YEARS (mine included). If anyone has any 2014/2015 sunnyblr era posts please tag me I'd love to see them!

As for what we used to talk about: Mac was known to be gay but it was less salient in our discussions about him (remember he wouldnt come out on the show for several more years at this point) and it was like TABOO to suggest that Dennis might be gay. bisexual, sure. But to "gay Dennis truth" was to be biphobic since he hooks up with women. I'm really glad for that big 180 in thinking because I've always been a gay Dennis truther in my heart.

I don't remember shipping being huge? There were definitely those of us who enjoyed macden and made content for it but most of the blogs just posted like gifs and screen caps with overall less analysis / postulating. I think there was a very real fear of being Cancelled for saying something too nice or pure or w/e about these fucked up characters. I think Tumblr ecosystem is much more accepting and encouraging of "dark" content, which includes exploring amoral characters/subject matter, than it was back then. I don't ever remember CharDee or CharMac being discussed back then either. There was a huge emphasis on Charlie being on the asexual spectrum and it was Discourse Worthy if you wrote him as being sexual in any context. Weirdly enough, I remember Dennis/Dee being more socially acceptable and more frequently discussed. The good old days where incest was fine but speculating about sexuality was NOT (lol /s).

I can't remember any big Discourses or Scandals or hopes for later seasons that we had. Overall, I like this Tumblr better -- it's quiet here, sure, and sometimes we all say wildly OOC things about these insane characters, but i enjoy reading speculation posts and savoring the wide variety of macden content available to me. I like the focus on their fucked up dynamics and trauma backgrounds that we have now. We're all definitely adults and have more coherent thoughts about the content of the show, which is a nice change (I was about 15/16 my first sunnyblr time, as were most of my friends in fandom I think). It's nice to see people pick up on what RCG is trying to do with subtexts and references as opposed to taking things at face value. Older sunnyblr was way more like r/IASIP is today, the more I think about it. Way more rehashing jokes from the show and circle jerking about face value stuff like serial killer Dennis etc.

Glirst was still sooooooo real and all the lesbians have always wanted to fuck him. The one constant for now and for forevermore is that Glenn is sexually attractive and all the sexy ladies woobify his evil character <3

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 328: Pandora’s Box of Discourse

Previously on BnHA: DEKU TOOK A BATH.

Today on BnHA: 

Also Naomasa grew a beard. Goddamn. 

please let this be a cool chapter that plays nice with my ADHD lol

(ETA: lol I feel guilty because a lot of people hated this chapter, but I’m just happy there was a lot of stuff to make fun of, and also that I have another week to work on my backlog of meta posts since the kids were MIA.)

around one month ago?? ah, okay, so we’re gonna find out what was in that Tartarus security file huh

I love that they just randomly set the place on fire

was it necessary to do this in order to escape? no. was it a good idea to set the island they were occupying on fire while they were in the midst of still occupying it? uh. was it cinematic as fuck? fuck yeah

wow it’s a pervert!!

that’s so great that the villains set loose this fine fellow who I’m sure is definitely not a serial rapist. truly the LoV is so noble and misunderstood. they’re just trying to free society from its chains people

oh my god??!

SHANKED!!! oh my god I cheered for Stain before I realized what I was doing. time to have an identity crisis I guess

so he’s all “hey what’s going on.” which, while a respectable question, is something I personally would have waited to ask until I had put a bit of distance between myself and the fiery murder island. but that’s just my personal preference

Stain you really are tenacious I’ll give you that

“what’s the point of escaping prison if you’re not gonna be smart about it” well shit. anyways yeah you’re dead right, society is in the process of collapsing and the outside world is in total chaos, good call there

oh shit

I mean it’s not like we really expecting anything otherwise, but still. fucking brutal. I feel like these guys’ fates were decided the minute that one guy called AFO “scum” back in chapter 94. AFO is unmatched at getting long-term revenge

??

ahh, was it the security footage??

fdsdfk he’s still alive??

and he’s immediately launching into an inappropriately theatrical monologue even as the darkness closes in on him fdlfksjdlk. you know, was it ever confirmed that the other guy back in chapter 297 was Seiji’s dad? I’m just saying

very impressed that he’s still coherent enough to weigh the pros and cons before making the decision to gamble on giving this info to Stain, who at the very least has his own moral code and isn’t allied with AFO. it was definitely still a risk, but as we now know it was also the right call

what a weird alliance. so Stain tells him that he’ll give it to a just person, and the guy is all,

okay for real though I’m gonna need someone to run a DNA test on this guy. maybe it was some kind of cuckold situation?? the other guy had the family resemblance, but this guy absolutely 100% raised Shishikura Seiji and you are not going to convince me otherwise

anyway, so Stain is all,

PRISON GUARD: “???? ??????? what the hell. what the fuck does that fucking mean. I’m dying here, jesus christ, whatever man fuck you”

(ETA: I kind of feel like this might have been Stain’s last appearance in the manga, given all the fanfare. there’s not really much else he can do for the story at this point, and he seems to have gotten all the character development Horikoshi was planning on giving him. so if this really is it, hasta la vista and good riddance I guess.)

DWLFDKSLDK MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE

(ETA: I feel like this is meant to be evocative of that Sermon on the Mount painting, but in a really fucked up way lol.)

if it were me stumbling upon this scene I would just shake my head and walk right back into the flaming building. not getting involved in that mess. sorry not sorry. I’ll take my chances with the fire, especially given that it’s half-assed neutered BnHA fire lol

blah blah blah and so he decided to pass the info on to All Might -- HOT DAMN, HOLY SHIT

NAOMASA HOLY SHIT. THE APOCALYPSE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOY

“I really like that facial scruff thing Aizawa’s got going on, I think I’m gonna get in on that” yes sir. “also thinking of ditching the tie in favor of the bulletproof vest look. also thinking of getting totally fucking jacked.” good lord. except I’m pretty sure that’s just body armor, but also I don’t care. anyway I should probably stop staring and actually read the fucking speech bubbles here lol

“All Might first handed this information over to Nao, and then went to see Deku, and then came back to Nao” thanks for that tidy little summary Horikoshi. we are capable of piecing events together in sequential order, I just want you to know that. but thank you

“so has Deku finally gotten a bath? also, sucks that Stain saved the day, but what are you gonna do” Nao I missed you so fucking much and didn’t even realize. how am I just now realizing that you are the perfect man

for a second I was gonna ask why Tartarus’s security systems would be cut off from the outside world, and then I remembered that’s a basic security control, and then I actually got impressed by how sensible that is. like, it’s been a while since I could genuinely say that the good guys (excluding class 1-A) did something smart. not that it helped them much in the end, but still

anyway so they’re talking about how AFO was able to coordinate the attack by communicating between his horcrux self on the outside and his ugly peanut-faced self on the inside

huh

okay you have my attention. I am taking notes here lol please continue

ah okay so he says that prior to Jakku, the transfer of information between him and his Vestige self was only one-way. but post-Jakku when Deku was in the hospital, he was able to tell what was happening inside the OFA Radical Lisa Frank Dead People Book Club Realm when he touched him. I feel like we established that before, actually. but he didn’t talk about how it actually felt, though

boy we already know this lol. yes AFO can talk with his horcrux self. and he can also communicate with his little bro in OFA too, let’s talk about that sometime why don’t we. what exactly does that imply, based on the rules we’ve established here

my god I cannot get over Naomasa and his fucking facial hair

no wonder All Might was in such a hurry to leave Deku and get back here

like I have no idea what this radio waves nonsense is but my god, people

that jawline. also so it’s a quirk, I see. except last I checked Deku didn’t have a radio waves quirk, so that doesn’t really explain his connection to AFO. but whatever, hopefully we’re at least getting closer to some kind of reveal here

(ETA: since I sometimes forget that other people’s lives don’t revolve around my theory posts, here are the two relevant links if you by chance want to know my thoughts about this.

Hagakure is still The U.A. Traitor™ regardless of whether Deku is passing information on to AFO through his psychic link, which he almost certainly is.

speaking of said psychic link, Deku is a horcrux.

just posting these now, because whenever trippy OFA stuff happens I tend to get an influx of theory asks. so hopefully this will be a bit of a time saver lol.)

-- wait, what

THAT’S what the recording was??!? holy SHIT. I genuinely was not expecting that. y’all wiretapped his fucking telepathy. fucking quirks, man. wild

AND THEY USED THAT POWER TO DETERMINE WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW, HUZZAH. GOOD SHOW

-- oh shit wait lol, except I forgot we’re not talking about 38 days from the present, we’re talking about 38 days from the date the conversation was recorded. heh. um

yeah that’s the face I would make too if All Fucking Might just casually told me we had eight days left until the end times

oh, pardon me. three fucking days

r.i.p. anyone who thought we were going to have another band arc sob. I sure hope Deku is enjoying that nap

(ETA: I realize people were hoping for a longer rest period here, but given that the man warned us all the way back in chapter 306 that we were entering the final act, you can’t really blame him too much when that turns out to be true. anyway but I do recognize that we’ve reached the point in the story where this kind of discourse is going to become a weekly occurrence, simply because there’s no possible way for Horikoshi’s actual endgame to line up perfectly with the variable headcanons of millions of fans, all of whom have wildly differing and in many cases contradictory expectations which can’t possibly all be fulfilled. anyway, so I’m already bracing myself for that lol. this coming year is going to be a wild ride.)

damn, U.A. out here looking like the motherfucking United Nations

-- is this U.A.?? I actually just realized, U.A. is four interconnected buildings, not two. wait holy shit is this Shiketsu?

wait holy SHIT

based on the overwhelmingly powerful vibes of bureaucratic incompetence, I’m thinking this really is the (future) U.N., or whatever organization it is that deals with international hero stuff

“just let them handle it themselves I’m sure they’ll be fine” yeah okay, thanks guys. appreciate it

wait oh shit did he say that it’s not just Japan?

soooo, what you’re telling me is that AFO is this close to bringing about the end of not just Japan, but the entire world, and you guys don’t think it’s a good idea to help the Japanese heroes stop him? so, genuine follow-up question: are you guys already planning your rich people exodus into space a la Wall-E, and that’s why you don’t give a fuck?? like, what??

omg international heroes

these guys are from World Hoodie Mission, right? is this Horikoshi’s way of reminding me to buy tickets

(ETA: and it worked too lol.)

WHO??? WHAT???

don’t tell me you’re introducing yet another badass new female character for me to fall in love with only to watch as you dismember them and/or blow them up, Horikoshi. I’m getting tired of playing this game my dude. don’t lie and tell me this time will be different. we’re not doing this again goddammit

noooooooooooooooooooo

god fucking dammit lmao. [sighs and rips the previous paragraph into shreds]

on behalf of Americans I apologize for our superheroes always being Like This

I also apologize because I love her already and I’m gonna be shameless about it. so fucking shameless you guys

is her fucking hair red white and blue. it is, isn’t it

this is the volume cliffhanger, 100% lol. it will take every ounce of Horikoshi’s willpower not to put her on the volume cover. he’ll have to settle for the spine or the inner cover this time because Deku VS his class 1-a superpals takes precedence. but it will be a close thing let me tell you

tbh it’s that smile that does it for me. she’s definitely All Might’s protege. get out there and show them how it’s done girl. and maybe call Salaam and BRD and see if you can’t convince them to play hooky from their governments as well. why not. world’s ending in three days you guys. “sorry, I’m busy this weekend” ain’t gonna cut it lol

so while I am not fully caught up with Vigilantes, I have read far enough to know that there’s an American hero named Captain Celebrity whose superpower from what I recall is being a humongous douchebag. and while I haven’t read far enough to know what happens to this guy, I can’t say I’m very disappointed to learn that he’s no longer the number one hero in the U.S. (actually, didn’t they kick him out and that’s why he moved to Japan to begin with?). anyway, so my thanks to Horikoshi for having a marginally higher opinion of Americans than Furuhashi, even though we have definitely not done anything to warrant said opinion lately, and you may have inadvertently opened the door to a pandora’s box of discourse lmao

(ETA: lol I went into the tags and they don’t disappoint. “why is she dressed like a flag” because she’s an homage to Captain America and Major Victory and literally every other character on this list. again, I apologize for fictional American superheroes being Like This. “oh boy another thicc waifu to make the fanboys happy” look, tumblr fandom never seems to have a problem thirsting over Dabi or Tomura or Aizawa or Nao, lol, I’m just saying. “where is Captain Celebrity” idk, probably murdered by the exploding bee cartel, let’s just be grateful for our good fortune and try not to Beetlejuice the man.)

anyway, so let’s see if Horikoshi’s recent character development with regards to making Mineta not terrible anymore will apply to other aspects of his writing as well. I know I was making light of discourse just now, but I do think the complaints about him introducing yet another new character at the 11th hour to be cannon fodder in the final battle are absolutely valid. and again, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t keep maiming/killing off his female characters one by one instead of developing them and letting them kick ass long-term. but that said, I will never complain about Horikoshi adding another female character to the series, regardless of how clumsy the attempt may be. go ahead and pander away, just give us more girl power lol

anyway so we’ll see how it goes, but I think I’m gonna be optimistic and let myself hope once again, even though I’m probably gonna regret it lol. it is what it is. she is standing on an airplane just chilling for fuck’s sake. I’m only human. anyway fingers crossed

[tevinterdays]

Was anybody going to tell me Thedas has two moons or was I supposed to find that out while trying to research trade routes myself?

Anyway, I have thoughts about that and spent far, far too much of my night on this.

Laying it out:

We know the second moon is named Satina, but since we don’t know the name of the other, I’m going to call them the primary moon (big boy) and second moon (little guy) when I do refer to them directly. They would have different orbital periods (which should affect the calendar more, but whatever) and both have an equatorial orbit (like our moon does!). These are presumptions, but they’re also how things usually work. Especially considering that Thedas is habitable. That’s important to maintain.

Also, whenever I look at maps of Thedas in detail, I’m reminded that this has to be a teeny tiny planet. That’s not really relevant to this post, but it’s weird to think about.

The main thing covered here will be the effect of this on the tides, but first:

Flavor:

There are two moons in the sky! That’s neat and cool to look at! They would both reflect the sun’s light, so that would make nights brighter. This would have evolutionary effects, potentially, but that’s enough of a technicality in the fast and loose world of Thedas that I’ll pass it by right now. There would be more eclipses, which is also neat. Unfortunately, we never see both of them at once in the games, but here’s a mod to have two moons overhead in the Hissing Wastes.

Tidal effect:

This part is really long. Under the cut!

The primary moon, which we see in the sky in the Hissing Wastes, is either very large or very close in comparison to Earth’s moon (proportionally). Since Earth’s moon is improbably large, it’s more likely that it’s very close, which actually has a more significant effect on its tidal pull than size would (proximity > size; we see this IRL with how minimal the Sun’s affect is on Earth’s tides). The second moon is presumably smaller and further away, but its proximity still has a significant effect on tides.

Most of the time they would balance each other out to a relatively normal cycle, but high tides would be higher on average. Not catastrophically, but higher – and dramatically so when the moons enter orbital resonance (same place in orbit at the same time) and both of their gravitational pulls have affect at the same time!

Initially I thought that that would greatly impact coastal settlements and trade hubs, and it would, but not many that we’re super familiar with. Tides are greater with greater bodies of water, and a lot of the trade centers we see are around the Waking and Shining Seas (Kirkwall, Highever, etc.). They’re just little guys. Western Thedas is mostly landlocked as well, and all of Thedas is sub-equatorial; tidal pull with an equatorial moon decreases the further you are from the equator, since you’re further from the moon(s).

Let's look at some maps! Mostly using the map from Tevinter Nights for reference here:

Cities that aren't named are marked by little symbols that look like houses. I'll give crops of each location for a visual as we go, because everything is small.

Other major coastal regions:

- Tevinter is predominantly coastal at this point in history, but the Nocen Sea isn’t enormous; Seheron is quite close on the other side; and the coast around the Arlathan forest isn’t populated.

- The eastern Ander coast is paralleled across the Colean Sea by a Tevinter peninsula, if they actually make use of that coast.

- Antiva isn’t notably populated north of the White Spire (the Antivan mountain, not the Orlesian Circle Tower, which has given me some grief); its coastal population is on the Rialto Bay.

- Eastern Ferelden has a significant amount of coastline, but the Brecilian Forest blocks most of it off, and Gwaren (city south of the Forest) is far south enough that it’s probably bordering the planet’s Antarctic circle.

- Those little northwestern Fereldan islands don't have coastal focuses. Image from the wiki used because Alamar's tiny.

- Northern Seheron would be affected. We don’t know the concentrations of Seheron’s population. Much of Par Vollen would also be affected and the same holds true for them, but their technology (extremely seaworthy vessels, extreme perseverance, etc.) and cultural mindset lends to the idea that they would use the tides to their advantage strategically, as well as take advantage of the major boons spring tide would have on fishing! When the tide is coming in to its highest, it shakes things up and brings in all the fish.

- Rivain isn’t notably populated east of its dominating mountains. Its major population centers are in the Southeast, on the Rialto Bay. Except Llomeryn. Rivain, as descendants of seafaring islanders, would have a long cultural history of being able to deal with this anyway. Why is Llomeryn (little house icon on the east coast of the southern island) on that side? I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense. It’s fine.

- I’m sure that Estwatch is doing just fine. They can handle themselves.

- Wycome is a major fishing hot-spot, taking advantage of the fishy boons the tides provide.

- Hercinia is coping, I guess.

In regards to coastal port cities on the Amaranthine ocean – the largest body of water on the map – a special situation may exist where they have ports designed to accommodate the very high high tides when they come in (how often would depend on the moons’ orbital periods and how often they are in orbital resonance). I’m sure there are examples of docks and ports designed like this from real life, and if anyone has info on that, hit me up.

This concludes the post about the implications of two moons in Thedas that nobody asked for!

Huge thanks to @feastforworms and @unshatters-your-teacup for science and input and humoring me on this.

[qqueenofhades]

What weapons were used during the Crusades? I remember something vaguely about bows/crossbows being important but nothing else. Thank you :D

Nonnie, if you are (as I suspect) asking this for Very Important Fic Research Purposes, let me just say: you, my good gentleman/lady/nonbinary pal/mineral/vegetable, are Extremely Valid, and I salute you utterly. Let us just quietly assume that is in fact what you are doing. Buckle up, because yes. You have to consider individual and collective weaponry, differences in Christian vs. Muslim armies, tactics, and their development over the crusades. Never fear, I am here to make it entertaining (ish) for you. Let’s start with the individual warriors.

How To Arm Your Crusader: Nicky Edition

First! Nicky is from Genoa, which was most notably involved in the First and Third Crusades. I mention this because if you’re deciding to place him among a contingent of his fellow countrymen, it’s useful to know where you can most easily do that and where it would be most realistic to have them fighting. It will also make a difference for what he’s armed with. You are correct about crossbows being one of the major weapons of the crusades; indeed they were so effective in medieval warfare generally that the church tried to ban them, at the Third Lateran Council in 1179, from being used on fellow Christians. (Muslims were still fair game.) Longbow archers were used occasionally (though it wasn’t until the 13th century, mostly after the end of the crusades, that they became a major battlefield force), but Nicky would definitely be a crossbowman or at least know how to use one, because we have multiple mentions of Genoese crossbowmen in the sources. (Me in the shower this morning: YOU IDIOT OF COURSE HE’S A CROSSBOWMAN! YOU SEE HIM WITH A LONG RIFLE AND EVERYTHING!). Notably, Richard the Lionheart fought the Battle of Jaffa (1192) with 54 Genoese crossbowmen, about 100 knights, and 2 horses. It is up to you if you decide to use this fact or not, ahem.

Crossbows are easier to learn how to use than longbows, but require strength to wind the mechanism and launch the bolt. There is also a more powerful version called the arbalest, which had a frame made of metal instead of wood. These also had a longer range, so they were in fact a bit like the assault rifles of their day. Unlike a rifle, however, you have to have enough time to fire the weapon (which takes a while) and therefore it’s not as useful if the enemy is right on top of you. They’re most helpful in attacking an enemy in a more stationary position (such as, say atop a tower or a wall) and where you can have enough space to reload without being overrun.

We see that Nicky has a broadsword, which would also be a fairly standard weapon for a crusader. Most boys started their training at the age of 7, and the value in achieving the rank of knighthood would rise steadily over the course of the crusades, complementing the development of the ethos of chivalry. At the time of the Norman Conquest (1066), we could still have “free” or “unfree” knights, and it was a mark of military service rather than a distinct social rank. But with the popularity of chivalric literature in the 12th century, the ideas and prestige associated with knighthood skyrocketed. I know I’ve written some posts about this somewhere, which I’m too lazy to go find right now, but you can possibly find them in my medieval history tag. In essence, chivalry means martial prowess. It has a more romanticized aspect, of course, but it’s mostly about kicking ass, though it does prescribe certain codes of conduct for combatants (on both sides) and for noble-born women, as well as a strong religious aspect. If you do want more info on this and how to avoid the stereotypes of a chivalric knight, let me know and I’ll go dig up my old stuff.

There’s also a big difference between fighting on foot (infantry) and fighting on horseback (cavalry). All the footsoldiers were a lower or more common rank, and if you had a horse, you were almost certainly a knight or a professional soldier. Footsoldiers usually were pike (spear)men, since even if you only have long spears and a shield wall, you can throw together a pretty awesome defense. (At the Battle of Hastings, English fyrdmen with just pikes and shields almost defeated multiple Norman heavy cavalry charges.) Plus, a spear doesn’t take too much special training: just poke the sharp end into the other guy, as Jon Snow might say. Hence it was easier for non-professional soldiers or citizen conscripts to use it rather than the more specialized skills for knights.

The best warhorses were known as destriers. They were specially trained to kick, bite, and raise as much hell as their masters in battle; they were expensive and prized. A fast, strong horse often also used for war or for fast travel is a courser. A horse for non-battle or basic transport situations would be a palfrey or a rouncey (though lower-status men-at-arms could also ride one in battle). We can decide whether or not Nicky has one of these.

Armor! The Christian crusaders wore steel (chainmail) which was a major advantage in close-quarters combat. This is not the plate armor you may be thinking of, since full-body armor didn’t get used until around the 14th century at the earliest and came into full vogue in the 15th/16th century (by which cannons had often made it obsolete and dangerous). Chainmail is no joke: it weighs at least thirty pounds and boys had to wear it from childhood to know how to stand up in it, let alone move. (I.e. all those movies where anyone just slaps it on and is fine are liars.) You would wear several layers: first an undertunic, then a padded leather gambeson, the steel hauberk itself (often thigh-length), and then a cloth tabard on top, which displays your badge or flag or your cross, if you’re a crusader (though these were far from ubiquitous and sometimes color-coded by country). That way people can also tell which side you belong to. You wear a helmet on your head (obviously), vambraces and gloves on your arms, and greaves on your legs, over heavy leather boots. Now imagine all that coming at you with a spear on a charging warhorse.

.... what I’m saying is, medieval knights could kick your ASS.

You can also use daggers, hatchets, and other small arms (morningstars are cool, but alas, were never really used in the field). A knight sometimes carried a special blade known as a misericorde, which had the gruesome but necessary purpose of finishing off a wounded enemy (or friend) who hadn’t died immediately from their injury but wasn’t going to survive it either. Welp.

And with that:

How To Arm Your Muslim Warrior: Joe Edition

So we’ve got Nicky sorted: what about his More Than Boyfriend mortal enemy? Well, for the most part, it will look something like the above. Christian crusaders of the period would have called Muslims “Saracens,” which was the name for them, along with less flattering things (heathens, infidels, etc) but when in doubt, if writing from a crusader POV, you can just use Saracens. Actual Muslims obviously never use this word to refer to themselves. They did not have crossbows, but rather shorter and more mobile bows that were designed to be used from horseback. Arabian horses were smaller in stature than European destriers, but faster and more maneuverable, and had a legendary reputation for speed and temperament. Muslim forces would also sometimes ride to the battlefield and then dismount to fight.

We see that Joe has a sword with a shorter and wider/slightly curved blade in comparison to Nicky’s long, straight broadsword. In my fic, I call this a saif, which is just the Arabic word for sword and is how Muslims of the period would have referred to it (the word “scimitar” is from an Italian name for it and wasn’t used until at least the 16th century). It can mostly refer to any Islamic sword in this style, though there are different names for regional variations. If you want to give him a really cool and culturally significant weapon (especially since I headcanon him as a Fatimid Shia Muslim from Egypt), you could give him the zulfiqar, which was a double-pointed sword used by Ali ibn Abi Talib, a cousin of Prophet Muhammad and one of the main figures in Shia Islam. It is often represented on flags and in battlefield invocations. The actual zulfiqars that exist are more often dated from the 16th/17th century with the Ottomans or from 19th-century Persia, rather than from the crusades, but hey, you can always say that Joe had something to do with that. Sidenote, research the differences in the various Muslim dynasties of the crusader period, as they’re definitely not one size fits all (especially in re: the prominence of Sunni sultans in the later crusades, and how Joe might have thought about that).

As noted, the Muslims didn’t wear steel armor, which was a disadvantage to them in close-quarters combat with crusaders. Their armor was made of boiled leather and lamellar scales, designed to be light and good for long-distance riding rather than a heavy battle. They would also have helmets (in various shapes and styles), gloves, etc. An archer would have a quiver and have to think about using, reclaiming, or mending arrows after a battle (the Never Ending Quiver in every movie ever: ALSO WRONG).

I will confess that I don’t know as much about Islamic warrior ethoi comparable to chivalry as I should. However, the crusades were taking place against the backdrop of the Islamic Golden Age, in which the culture, sophistication, and scholarly study in the Islamic world was at its height, and there are plenty of artists, poets, mathematicans, and philosophers that Joe would be familiar with, that would guide his actions in the way that chivalry might for a knight. Such as, for example, Avicenna (Ibn Sina) from Samarkand, or the Banu Musa brothers of Baghdad. There would also obviously be the Qur’an and the ahaditha (sayings of Prophet Muhammad) and other religious texts and traditions. Obviously if you’re going to use any of these, be respectful, do your research, and present it in a positive way.

And then of course there is the:

Big-Ass Cool Weapons of Major Boom

So what else do we have on a large scale, aside from the individual warriors? For a start, we have (on the crusader side) siege engines, such as mangonels, trebuchets, towers, etc. These are not comparable to the Return of the King-esque “break off a chunk of the city with every hit,” but they were pretty damn effective; during the Third Crusade, one stone from a trebuchet was reputed to have killed twelve people in the market in Acre. Richard the Lionheart also hauled along a lot of high-quality stone from Sicily to make better missiles than the soft crumbly sandstone of the Holy Land. There’s a reference to a “cat,” which seems to have been a tower containing multiple compartments for crossbowmen, which could be pushed up against city walls. There are also battering rams and other blunt-force weapons, since sieges were a main part of every crusade. (In fact, commanders tried to avoid open battles as much as they could, though there were also usually at least one on each crusade.) Defensive strategy included digging deep ditches around walls, to prevent your opponent’s siege engines from getting too close, or just throwing stuff down at them as they tried to climb with scaling ladders. With this, we also have....

Greek fire! It’s semi-similar to wildfire from Game of Thrones, even if not quite as effective, but still a pretty cool weapon. The Muslims used it first; it didn’t enter Christian warfare until Geoffrey Plantagenet introduced it in 1151 (his grandson, Richard the Lionheart, also got to be rather fond of it). It was a long-burning liquid explosive that could burn even on water and couldn’t be put out by regular means; it was very feared and very effective. So if you were under siege and had some of that stuff to pour down on the defenders, it would be useful (along with boiling pitch, oil, or other more ordinary substances). Your enemy might plan for that or try to defend against it by using hides soaked in water or some other kind of shield.

Anyway, I’m sure there is more I could say here, but this is already MORE than long enough. I hope it is helpful to start with. And inspirational. Ahem.

[mogai-introjects]

q: is this blog fake? are you a troll? is this satire? do you actually believe mogai is valid/real? a: no, no, no, and yes!

q: what do you use to make your edits? a: gimp on desktop!

q: how often does the queue post? a: i haven’t decided yet, but i’ll update this once i do start queueing things!

q: do you accept all system types? a: absolutely! i’m personally part of a traumagenic system, but i’m 100% accepting of non-traumagenic systems. you’re safe here!

q: is [member type] allowed in requests? a: yes! fictives, factives, fucktives, etc. - this blog’s main focus is introjects and all types of them from all sources are allowed! a2: i also allow requests for non-introject system members and for paras (basically for anyone who has a real identity as opposed to a headcanoned identity), i’ll just need art/a faceclaim/etc in order to do requests for non-introjects.

q: where can i send art/a faceclaim/etc for my request? does it have to be my own art? a: it would be easiest for me if you submitted it here, but you can also send me a message if you’d prefer! as for art, as long as an artist has expressed that they’re okay with their art being used with credit, you can send me a link to their piece and i can use it!

q: when will requests reopen? a: i can never really 100% guarantee a date for this question, sorry! i get a different amount of requests that take various amounts of effort every time i open requests, and of course my own schedule and energy have to be taken into account, so i can’t guess super accurately when requests will reopen unless i’m very close to emptying the inbox.

q: are you alright with requests from [insert source]? a: on this blog, this will always be a yes! i don’t judge anyone on their source.

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q: i forgot something for my request/can i add [insert extra details] to or change [insert detail] of a request i sent in? a: send me another ask and i’ll happily add it, no matter if i’ve already finished your request or not! and don’t worry, this doesn’t inconvenience me and it doesn’t make me upset, i’m happy knowing that you’ll be happy with your request!

q: did you receive [insert request]? a: try to wait at least a week or so before asking this! i’m cool with answering it, but i don’t always queue requests super quickly, so you may just not have seen it because i'm busier than usual. a2: if i say that i didn’t get your request, you can send it in again no matter if requests are open or not! i don’t want to make someone wait till the next time the inbox is open just because tumblr glitched and didn’t send their ask.

q: when will my request be posted? a: at some point! the queue isn’t set at a super high number so that if i hit a period where i’m very busy, i don’t have to feel anxious about the queue running out. that means that it could take a while to see your requests, but i promise, you will see them!

q: what does [insert term] mean? a: i’m happy to answer asks like this, and i’ll likely either copy over the definition or link you to a post with the definition in it!

q: [insert request] goes against [insert thing in your rules]! a: thank you for letting me know! i don’t know every source i get requests from, so i don’t know all the info about them and tend to assume people won’t go against my rules.

q: can you tag [insert thing]? a: yes! i’ll try my hardest to remember!

q: can i use one of your edits for [insert thing]? a: heck yeah!! i’d prefer if you credited me somewhere if you do though.

q: can you use [insert version of a flag] for [insert identity] in my request? a: yep, just make sure to either include it in the ask or send another ask afterwards specify which flag you’d like!

q: [insert nice thing] a: i love you dearly and your ask will sit in my inbox forever along with all the other incredibly sweet asks i’ve received over the course of this blog. i apologize for not answering kind asks, i just really like being able to scroll to the bottom of the inbox and see all the love there!

q: [insert argument against one of my opinions] a: i’ll more than likely block you, since a) this is not a discourse blog and b) i’ve heard your argument before and have said my piece and/or done my research on both sides, but if i’m in the right mood or you’re egregiously uneducated on the topic, i’ll answer it.

q: [insert rude/mocking thing about me, my blog, systems, and/or mogai] a: asks like this accomplish nothing and don’t bother me. again, you’re either getting blocked or i’ll just make fun of you/be rude to you back.

[yaz-the-spaz]

But I want to know your theory. :(

ok ok i guess i’ll spill…i was kinda hesitant to share just cause i’m still not all that solid in my belief in it myself but basically it seems like maybe ziam has made it a tradition to have some kind of couples trip most years (if not every year) in february ever since 2014…

(btw for future reference this ask is a continuation of this ask re ziam both being publicly in vegas earlier this year)

ugh sorry guys! hit enter by accident and posted this wayyyy before i was anywhere near finished lol…this will be updated within the hour (if it doesn’t take me too long to get my thoughts out)

narrator: she did not finish it within the hour.

…

ok so part of the reason i’ve been hesitant to share this is because a good portion of it is VERY speculative and just based on a lot of guesswork and assumptions, but also there’s the fact that it feels like this is something major that more people in the fandom (or at least someone, other than little ass me lol) would have noticed before now and it kind of freaks me out that maybe no one else has?? (unless ofc i just haven’t happened to see any other posts there are about it idk)… 

also fyi a lot of what i propose throughout this is heavily based on info from this post just to make sure i remember to site my sources before we get into it lol

alright now onto the actual theory…

SO. all this started with me scrolling through old posts from late 2013/early 2014 and being reminded of the fuckery that was zayn’s bday that year (with the douche canoe crew and everyone pretending like liam was barely there as seemingly some sort of weird over-the-top cover-up)…the same party that seemed kinda like liam’s possible “introduction” to the malik family as more than just zayn’s friend/as his possible significant other. which was also only a month after that suspicious engagement-looking ring first showed up on zayn’s ring finger in december 2013 from bts midnight memories mv footage (and which stayed around as a necklace throughout january 2014 and early febuary 2014 right before the first appearance/debut of the mandala tat in mid feb). 

bts midnight memories mv with the ring in view - dec 2013:

(suspicious?) malik family outing/celebration with the ring in view - dec (or possibly late nov?) 2013:

[putting the rest under the cut cause as per usual with me this got insanely long]

liam and aunt zileh at zayn’s bday party - jan 2014:

liam and one of the little cousins at zayn’s bday party - jan 2014:

then sometime in between late jan and early feb 2014 liam went on a trip to barbados with his whole family (and supposedly also sophia lol more on that later*) while zayn was SUPPOSEDLY still home and steadily “posting” pics of himself at home with various members of his family (with the ring on a necklace clearly visible in the pics lol), anddd as some have also pointed out his hair was suspiciously unchanged in these pics despite his claim of getting a haircut BEFORE most of the pics were posted lol

zayn in family pics with the ring on a necklace - late jan/early feb 2014 (sorry i’m not the one who cropped his fam out lol):

but yet we’re supposed to believe zayn - who had just gotten awarded the asian ambassadorship for the VERY FIRST time - mysteriously (and willingly) MISSED the ceremony on feb. 5th with absolutely no explanation. which…we all know how big a deal that was to him from the way he talked about it and how honored he was when he went in 2015…which begs the question if he was really just home not doing much of anything at the time in 2014 why in the world would he just pass/bail on that HUGE HONOR with no explanation??? mayhaps because he was actually already an ocean away with liam and fam in barbados celebrating his engagement (and getting his own “introduction” to the payne family) and literally COULD NOT ATTEND?

anyway so then, we have him getting the mandala tat around feb 18th 2014 - or at least this is the day he debuted it on his old ig, so the date may be a few days off from when he actually got it - but this still would’ve been shortly after they got back from the barbados trip when he debuted this particular tat (aka another solidification of the engagement??) 

THEN we get the very first ig ziam likes from the famous and beloved aunt zileh (!!!) in this same month (still feb for reference, but she continues steadily and heavily liking stuff all the way through april when she seems to cool down again). fast forward to the 2014 brits at the end of february where we have the infamous moment with 1) ziam giddy as fucking ever, 2) zayn whispering into and practically mawling liam’s neck in public, 3) liam talking about how it was great to “fill each other in” on what they were up to during their break while zayn’s just steady standing there smiling like a loon and then 4) liam still later being like ‘you don’t wanna know’ when asked what he got up to (and zayn still grinning like a fool)

ziam being gross at brits 2014:

so to sum up so far: 1) one of them possibly proposed around nov/dec 2013 (or that’s my best guess anyway based on the evidence lol), 2) then zayn shows up with a suspiciously-engagement-looking ring in dec 2013, 3) then all the weirdness with liam’s attendance at zayn’s bday party a month later (possibly also liam’s formal intro to the malik family), 4) then liam takes his barbados trip with his fam (and supposedly sophia lol*) just a couple weeks later while “zayn” stays home and posts family pics (but is very likely secretly on the trip with liam lol which is also possibly zayn’s formal intro the payne family and a belated celebration of their engagement), 5) and then we get the beginning of aunt zileh’s likes, 6) the debut of zayn’s mandala tat, 7) and the 2014 brits wildness…all in the space of like 3 months. and most of it happening in FEBRUARY. what a wild fucking journey right?

*side note/fun fact: liam and his fam were posting stuff regularly throughout the duration of the barbados vacay but there were literally zero pics of sophia posted from this trip until like dec 2014 or sometime around then when like ONE random pic suddenly surfaced/was posted and lots of ppl had already speculated that sophia was never there in the first place so once this one pic came up that idea got upgraded to people theorizing that they maybe had some of the fam go back a second time later in the year just to stage take photos to retroactively prove/authenticate the narrative that sophia was there lol

but anyway so back to the actual matter at hand - most of that shit happened in february right? specifically the barbados trip (aka the possible engagement celebration trip)…and when i was talking about all this to a friend we realized ZIAMI WAS ALSO IN FEBRUARY. AND SO WAS THIS YEAR’S VEGAS SHIT. AND THEN. AND THEN. My friend did some research and there was apparently this little known/barely talked about article (or at least barely talked about that i’m aware of) about liam taking a TRIP TO THE MALDIVES IN FEBRUARY 2016… which coincidentally (or not lol considering these shady ass hoes) is also around the same time he got his 4 tattoo (I believe this was the first article, or at least one of the first articles, that mentioned the tat’s debut) 

BUT WAIT. 

THE INSANE SHIT DOES NOT END THERE FOLKS.

GUESS WHICH MONTH THE CARTIER BRACELET FIRST DEBUTED?

FUCKING FEBRUARY 2016.

specifically on liam’s wrist in preparation for the 2016 brits (photo posted to his brits stylist’s ig on feb 23rd). and he didn’t take it off till like june.

so. quick timeline:

february 2016 - maldives trip and debut of liam’s 4 tattoo (around feb 21st); debut of cartier bracelet via liam (feb 23rd); (there was also that valentine’s day roses pic liam posted feb 14th of this year which was quite interesting considering he and c hadn’t even been officially announced as a “thing” yet…ofc we know it still got retroactively attributed to her anyway but whatever, we all know who it was really for lol 😏)

february 2017 - i don’t have anything on this year, partly cause i stopped paying as close attention due to heavy ramping up of stunts, although if anyone has more concrete info on this period that hints at anything please do hit me up and i will add it in, but anyway just based on a little light research there does appear to be a good period of inactivity from both of them during this time (as in both of them had quite a bit of time in february where they were pretty inactive on sm, not being papped, and essentially mia and would have potentially had time to go on a private trip) - UPDATE: HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS BUT THIS IS THE YEAR LIAM SHOWED UP AT THE BRITS WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING 25 ON HIS JACKET AND FUCKED SIMON ALL THE WAY UP BY SWERVING ON HIS UGLY BITCH ASS SPEECH IN FRONT OF GOD AND ENTIRE WORLD (and i think also thanked zayn in his speech if i’m not mixing that up with another year??) - all on feb 23rd to be specific.

february 2018 - ZIAMI OBVIOUSLY (which specifically started feb 22nd, or at least that’s the day i’m counting it as ‘started’ cause it’s the day liam joined zayn in miami, can’t recall the exact day zayn arrived but pretty sure it was only a couple days before that)

february 2019 - zayn starts wearing this distinctive fishhook earring in all his ig pics, which on the surface seems like a pretty small thing, but quite possibly commemorates their famous august 2014 fishing trip (directly after which he also started wearing a fish hook pendant on a necklace back in 2014); this was also another period they were pretty quiet/mia as far as i can recall, although again if anybody has more concrete info from this time that could point to something please let me know, but anyway point being they again would have had a good chunk of time to possibly go on a private trip together

february 2020 - VEGAS BABY

ofc i’m sure you all will notice one year was left out - february 2015 they were on tour with no breaks coming anytime soon so they obviously weren’t able to go on a trip that year. BUT. february 14th 2015 (aka valentine’s day lol) is also the day liam was famously papped with some small shopping bags that looked suspiciously but precisely like the type that usually come from a jewelry store, and then later that same night they had a performance (for otra tour) where we have zayn pictured wearing a new gold bracelet (as in he hadn’t been seen wearing it ever before on tour or anywhere else) - btw the op of this linked post actually marks this day as the debut of the cartier bracelet but there’s a lot of counter speculation that it’s not and given that it doesn’t quite look like the cartier bracelet looked in later pics (it’s more round and more gold than the cartier bracelet which imo looks more angular and more kind of a two-tone/silvery-gold than this vday bracelet) i’m inclined to lean more towards it just being a regular but still very sweet vday-gifted bracelet. but anyway back to more important stuff. now considering this was literally just a little over a month before zayn left - and one of my theories for zayn leaving was that it was possible he felt it was the only way to save his relationship with liam…i mean if they were still giving each other vday presents they were clearly still VERY in love at this point. like that’s not the kind of thing you’d expect from a couple that was on the rocks and on the verge of breaking up and i know a lot of ppl (myself included for a brief minute) speculated that zayn leaving the band meant he maybe left liam too/or things weren’t working out b/t them or whatever, but given this context of the vday gifts just a few weeks before him leaving that doesn’t really line up…what does line up though is him being so in love and so sick of the bs that he might be driven to just be done with it all (as far as the stress of the band and mgmt bs is concerned at least). and ofc liam did say that zayn is the most emotionally impulsive/emotionally driven out of all them so when you think about it it really shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise…

anyway, in conclusion: 

it appears quite possible ziam has made it a couples tradition (ever since that first honeymoonish vacay in 2014) to go on some sort of trip/getaway together around the end of every february (or at least do something special together/for each other when they can’t) and in further conclusion I AM NOT OKAY AND WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS REALIZATION OKAY THANKS BYE 😭😭😭😭😭🌈🌈🌈 

[cloveroctobers]

ROBERT “BOBBY” MCKENZIE —

IG info/bio : @/returnofdamckenzie | 426k followers | @/mclitgs2 is my forever boo🤟🏽😍 while @/cardib is my WIFE! She just doesn’t know it yet ❤️ support my work & be part of my family: @/bobbymckcares

24 (25) years young

Born in Dundee, raised in Glasgow, Scotland

Jamaican father named Badrick who is a African studies professor

Caucasian/Scottish mother named Catriona who used to be a au pair but now works as a receptionist in senior living — one eye is honey hazel and the other a dark brown

It was difficult growing up in a school that didn’t accept Bobby being biracial, it resulted in bullying to the point where he needed to switch schools (A lawsuit was also in place) The next school was slightly better but Bobby slowly learned to accept himself as it was not something he could control and not something he would want to in the first place. He was proud of where he came from and never thought he was better or less than anyone else, that wasn’t how he was raised

He’s an only child, his parents thought about adopting (and fostering) but with Bobby they had their hands full and he was just enough for them

His family is very family-oriented so he would never have to feel lonely since they gave him a lot of attention, slightly making him spoiled but he was also around his cousins & spending time with them as well

He’s extremely close to his younger cousin (only by a few months) Femi who he views as his sister. They’ve been through a lot together and are always there for each other so it only makes sense

Most likely an active kid always up to some sort of shenanigans whether it’s by himself or with his group of friends, “why would you do that Bobby?” “Don’t ask why but ask, why not!?”

Definitely suffered some broken bones, concussions, & sprain injuries but would never show signs of pain...guys got a high pain tolerance that’s for sure

Fan of films/series “stand by me” & “the goonies” & “scooby doo” since he feels they relate to his life??

Hospital caterer and loves making those feel better with food that he’s created. If he can’t put a smile on patients face with words then he feels like he can show them with food

Food is an art to him. He went to school for culinary & it’s very important for him to show how much it is to him. He picked up the craft from of course his family, who always used food for numerous of things: to bring people together is one of them

Perfected Jerk haggis, it is now he favorite dish next to desert & breakfast!

I’m struggling to figure out what sign he maybe? He’s very playful which may come off as childish at times, which makes me think of Leo? (Maybe Gemini?) Only because they usually hold onto their childhood as best as they can, very generous, & give their energy to you but I also don’t see him being a fire sign at all? So maybe very little Leo in his chart. I also feel like he might be a bit of an empath? He knows when situations around him don’t feel right, knows how to read the room, and always wants to help others by lighting things up.

Idk but I’m feeling he’s libra sun + Gemini moon + Leo rising? Who knows

Probably lived in a 2 bed flat with his old uni mate. It was small and a bit shit but it was their shit and they made the best of it

Now lives in a stone cottage or farmhouse with MC that was built in the 1900’s & is slightly haunted. He’s decided to call them Duncan??? But he believes they’re a good spirit, maybe even a friendly ghost!? since he got comfortable with the bizarre happenings in the new flat & it doesn’t seem like they want to hurt them

Lottie offered to bring her ouija board next time she visited—Bobby declined

House is mostly neutral based but three of the rooms in the flat are covered in ridiculous patterned walls or furniture much to MC’s distaste but, “what’s yours is mine” right? No. But Gary approves!

Has two dogs: a terrier & a collie since MC wasn’t down for getting a sheep

They do have chickens to raise their own eggs tho!

Definitely the kind of significant other that will ride on the cart when they’re out grocery shopping, will make you breakfast in bed, & will send you memes while he’s at home and you’re out or even when he’s at work and you’re at home, let’s you put his arm to sleep when you’re laying on it in bed (big ass head gang!), definitely chooses the candles from bath & body works that smell like food items (majority of them suck let’s be honest)

Probably smells like cucumber, melons, lemons, and eucalyptus

Has your wedding date in his IG bio & is proud

Annoys Gary & Lottie with his food pics, “oh, Not this shit again! 😡 looks brilliant, but enough!”

Has zoom/FaceTime movie nights with Marisol & MC who stopped feeling like she was third-wheeling months ago

Talks to hope & Noah (in the background) as much as he can. Feels like they’re his inspiration for love, even tho he’s the only one married out of the villa

He values marriage just like his parents do and often has Sunday dinners with them & MC ofc

Probably has relationship guide books and only reads them out of boredom but finds fascinating facts/advice if he pays attention & tries to apply it to his relationship with mc. If it works, it works! & If it doesn’t, you can’t say he didn’t try!

Works long hours but will still come home to cook for MC or brings leftovers from the events he’s catered (most are for the hospital but occasionally he’ll do other events)

Has a separate IG for his work

When WAP dropped, he almost lost his shit. Even tried to get MC to do the challenge with him, he’s pretty bad but MC eventually learned it just for him 😜

Is thrilled that Cardi made the best decision EVER on divorcing offset, “are you thinking of leaving me now?” “... I might.” “BOBBY!” “Haha, I love you!

Absolutely loves Christmas!!! It’s his favorite holiday and he loves giving back to everyone in his life. Usually he’s working overtime for the holidays & it makes him emotional due to the stories he hears & he puts a little extra love in his food

Goes all out for Christmas. Tries to buy/make everyone something. Even if he doesn’t really care for them...he’ll at least send them a x-mas card, if they keep it or burn it it’s entirely up to them—if he knew about it he’d probably be a little sad not gonna lie...he’s a soft king

Once bought Lottie black crocs with spooky pins , “are you joking Bobby?!” He knows she secretly loved them

Uses salt and peppermint in his dark hot cocoa...

Rather make deserts for Christmas than the food, he feels like it’s his duty

King of giving the thumbs up, especially when situations have gone to shit. He’ll still shoot them up with a smile or a grimace

Always inviting someone somewhere. “Bobby, hun. You’re 4-6 hrs away and it’s 1 am.” Hope groaned after listening to his bright idea, thinking something bad happened. “Ah, you could still make it if you tried, lassie.” “I’m gonna hang up now. Good night, bonkers man.”

Needs constant reminding when to get his locs touched up & moisturized

Either has a trampoline or a funhouse jumper in his backyard (maybe both) “we’ve got the space and this is better than a pool, or almost!”

Wants children, a whole footie team! There’s no specific time frame for him, when it happens, it happens

Used to cool & wet temps & loves vacationing in Greenland. Sure the hot weather he experienced in the villa was awesome & something different than what he’s used to but you can’t take the scot out of the man. So he typically sticks to places that are similar in temps, that way he doesn’t have to change his clothing choices much

Loves a good bath. Bubble baths are better than bath bombs to him, PERIOD!

Loves bubbles so much he put too much laundry detergent in the wash (does this on purpose now) and came back home to the dogs and room covered in it. Do you think he cleaned it up before MC came home? No. He decided to have a bubble party in the room with a Caribbean playlist playing in the background

MC definitely posted about it the first time & joined him for a bit, dreading the work that came with cleaning it all up. Now whenever Bobby needs a bubble party, he knows what to do. MC preferred him to have his little bubble party in the tub but 50% of the time he chooses not to listen & they leave him to pout & clean it himself

Likes to hold hands with fingers interlocked. When it’s cold and if you’re both wearing hoodies, he’ll slide his hand inside the arm of your hoodie to help keep you warm

Canon: His version of a snack is spaghetti hoops on toast & can eat that for the rest of his life & be content

If he didn’t end up marrying MC, probably finds his significant other working as a nurse at one of the hospitals he caters to or a volunteer at a old folks home

Never had a serious relationship, very few hookups, was either always placed in the friend zone or there was one person he wanted to be serious with but they rejected him and continued loving someone else who treated them like shit—so he kinda swore off of relationships and just flirted a bunch and kept his love life non-existent

Fav ice cream? Rocky road ice cream with one scoop of cotton candy & one scoop of cookie butter blue

Doesn’t believe in measuring when it comes to culinary. He uses his eyes as his measurement, could be a bad thing, could be a good thing, that’s up to you

If he’s up at night, he’s eating something sweet. A nice glass of single malt scotch whiskey + a splash of coconut milk (🤢) with a slice of angel food cake & he’s out like a light

Absolutely loves shopping for the kitchen, finds immense joy in doing so. If you lose him in a store, one of the places you’ll most likely find him is in the kitchen decor area

Owns a bagpipe & wants to get better at it, even tho he scared the living shit out of his dogs & chickens

Wears his shades quite a bit even tho the weather is hardly sunny and mainly windy & damp

Will hold the door for strangers even if they don’t say thank you

He’s open when it comes to music. Will listen to anything but feels like the music has to be a purpose for something...Everything he does in his day to day life has to feel like a soundtrack to him since in his mind he’s daydreaming about his life being made into a movie. Who isn’t?

He thinks wentworth Miller should play him in a film and that kid from blackish should play him when he was a wee lad, Marcus Scribner

Always keeps a positive attitude because he knows what it feels like to feel low and he doesn’t want anybody else in the world to feel like that so he wants to uplift and if he can try to be someone’s happiness he’ll gladly be that— which isn’t always the right move, he learned

Listens to: Rotimi, Shaggy, Sean Paul, Skip Marley, H.E.R., Jhene Aiko, Jorja Smith, UMI, The Kooks, The Killers, Cold War kids, Milky chance, Blood Orange, The 1975, Vampire Weekend, Bad Suns, BRYSON TILLER, Kilo Kish, & Ella Eyre (although he misses her old music)

Celeb crushes? Cardi B is his mfkin celeb wife okay?! Nobody else comes above her! He also thinks FKA twigs is pretty & super talented, sevdaliza!, Tia & Tamera, Iman, and brandy from the 90s makes him swoon

Anthem = jaden, “Boys and Girls”

[zombiemarydaly]

Hiya, I currently live in one of the most impoverished cities in my country, and I really want to start distributing reusable sanitary towels but I have no idea how to start. I’m a student so I have a lot of free time but very few connections and not a lot of experience. Any ideas? Thanks x

Hello, I am so happy you are even looking into starting a project like that.

It took me a long time from first ideas to first attempt to finally getting something that worked. 

Don’t be down if it it takes a while. Take what you can do as a success even if it isn’t your full vision.

First step: Get out all your initial ideas in writing. Goals, lists of resources you know you have, plus ones you need. I can give you as much advice as possible, but still nothing will beat engaging yourself on the topic, because you know yourself and your city best and you are the one who you have to work with at the end of the day!

Now, because this is such a long post, I will add a break. Beyond it is a little more of my project and some more specific advice. 

I can tell you have actually done some good pre-planning, because you noted one thing you think you are missing: contacts. You are so right, those are important.

So that first thing I did was actually reckless. I dumped the funds I usually save into buying lots of disposables and some cloth sanitary pads.

I also bought 2 menstrual cups but I later found out people really do not want to take one from you for some reason, even if they want to try them. And it really is not cost effective unless you have a lot of donations to get into handing them out. It was still good to have around to show they were an option.

These conversations you have with people as you are out and about in the world is how I would say you get the best contacts if you don’t know anyone to start. 

It at least got me was attention. I set up shop near a university campus with all my goods organized in a big cardboard box I’d decorated and written “Have a Happy Period” and “Free Care Women’s Health” on it.

I started on a campus because I was a student at the time, though not at that university. I skipped starting where I actually went to school because my college had next to no foot traffic because most people commuted.

At that time I also had less friends in the area and also was not as confident in my ideas. Later I found out that there was a lot of help just waiting for me if I had been more open sooner. 

So I was out with my box mostly on that campus, sometimes outside other places. Sometimes many days a week, sometimes not at all for a month. It was a new thing and new things tend to start that way.

Once I got out there, some women would start to stick around and chat. Now I had a list of numbers of contacts. People who thought this project was cool and wanted to help.

After that I stalled out on it for a while, which wasn’t ideal, but I was nervous with the idea of actually doing this and stretched for time. I also did not have a lot of actual offers to do work just interest in it. And I did not know how to ask people to do things.

It took being involved in a group that had a really nice volunteer sign up page made on a spreadsheet to inspire me to do the same.

It was full of places prompting people to say what they could give and do specifically. If you show new volunteers very specific tasks you need done upfront, they are way more likely to stick around and actually work.

For a cloth sanitary towel creating and distributing group like you mention, you need to find out who can sew and who has materials. So that would go on your sheet.

By this point plenty of my old contacts were no longer available and I had to start back up with my box to get more. Giving people regular updates on where you are at and your thoughts for next steps is vital in keeping people engaged.

It is also some of the hardest not-work work you have to do. Emailing, texting, calling, reaching out on all sorts of different social media I had not even used before. Keeping all these conversations going and being the one pushing the momentum forward was not as easy as it seemed.

Even as a very gregarious person I am in many ways the least likely person to do that successfully. It had its ups and downs. Eventually though you get enough going that some other people start taking the work you struggle with. 

It is important to judge their character, and then if it passes for trustworthy, LET THEM HELP. Let them help with the organizing and leading, too.

But keep handing out tasks. Tell someone to research shelters in the area and contact each one about the project. Tell someone else to look up info on making better pads. Tell a third person to lead a group making a pamphlet about endometriosis. Make it clear that if they can’t do something, just say so, so you know to give it to somebody else. Keep lines of communication open, compassionate, and clear.

You have to keep planning, constantly. Getting your thoughts out, then laying into them. What’s going wrong? What do we need? Where am I going to look? Who should I ask for help? When can I do it by? Set aside planning time, schedule it like you would anything else.

Treat it like your business if you can. That means set aside money for it separately, budget before you buy, record purchases and donations, keep inventory, record what you give out. This is very optional but I wish I had done it sooner.

There is someone in our group now who knows how to apply for grants. Our ability to apply for grants is messed up some because we were such a chaotic group who didn’t document much of anything until recently.

Take pictures of your goods all nice and organized. Take pictures of crafting things or distributing. This can go on social media, and can drive donations or crowdfunding. If you take pictures with volunteers or people you help, make sure to gain at least verbal consent for posting their image respectfully.

Letting other leaders lead becomes more important once you start having more than 20 people involved. Which is a lot. So there’s got to eventually be other people you can trust.

For my first 3 years I had between 5 and 8 people at any given time. Do not be discouraged by going it alone or with a few people. Having just a core group for a while is a great way to find the people you trust and build those bonds.

It is important to get familiar with where you operate. That means getting into local everything. Local politics and media is one angle, getting out on the regular to different places and just being observant is another.

Things you might observe are where homeless people are, places people go for aid, places where students are, places where the elderly congregate. Older women make great contacts for endless reasons, so strike up conversation and bring up your project.  

We have struggled some with Covid dealing with disrupted schedules and people under extra stress. Keeping ourselves and the people we meet safe is also rough.

I can imagine it is daunting to think about starting up right now, because it is a lot harder to make those contacts, but between masks and coordinating online I hope it can work out for you too. 

Don’t give up the idea forever if you can’t start right away. Even if you cannot get out there you can probably do something. Save up for a sewing machine, collect materials, read how-tos, practice.

Hit up stores that sell fabric in any form, ask if there is scraps you can have. You may even get more offers of donated supplies.

If you get to the point of having something planned out and have a link to where you are collecting funding, send it my way as well. Good luck!

[happikattwuzheere]

the one where gansey befriends a deer: the au

hey remember that time ronan dreamed up a deer that was described with language suspiciously similar to how adam’s described, because i sure do!!! anyway

OK.

ok. so. this au’s actually evolved a lot since its initial already-pretty-fleshed-out inception one sleepless night, so me talking about it’s gonna be more than one post, but here’s the first one well actually the second technically yesterday’s warmup doodles were also from this au but i didnt talk about it at all so

and I’m gonna start with more or less the same pitch I gave to a couple people on discord

SO. starting out: it’s standard fantasy times, vaguely medieval but no specific time period because I don’t care enough to be digging into that quite frankly, but it is somewhere in England where this is happening. Story starts with just Gansey, Ronan, and Noah. Fey are very real and known entities and there’s been a conflict in England between the fey and humans, if not in the whole country then at least in the lands that the Ganseys are the lords of but probably the whole island tbh, and Gansey’s not inherited the lands yet but he’s going to and wants to maybe find a peaceful resolution to the conflict. It’s not open warfare by any means but it’s been a big problem. 

To the effect of solving that, he heads to some little village that I haven’t named but it’s right next to a known fey forest called Cabeswater. This village has avoided being stomped by the local fey because, despite witches not being particularly liked by the nobility of the time, there’s a big old coven (the psychics of Fox Way, essentially) situated right by this village that’s kept things in check. Gansey’s made his excuses to his parents about why he’s officially going there but really he wants to talk to the witches and get a better grasp of the conflict from the people actually dealing with it.  He and Ronan set out from home together, pick up Noah along the way--who is not a ghost in this AU, he’s a fey who owes Gansey a life debt, that’s a whole other post and THIS post is mostly about gansey and adam--but anyway they get to this village and NOBODY gives gansey the time of day. 

the witches don’t let him into their house because they don’t like the nobility right back thanks and the next time he tries to visit Cabeswater won’t even let him get to the coven’s dwelling, the one witch’s daughter who regularly stops by the village for supplies and to check if anyone needs anything has a big argument with him the first time he talks to her so that’s going nowhere, and, well, the villagers are polite, but they clearly don’t take him seriously. He’s just the lordling playing at things and potentially meddling in their business to them.

So he starts hanging out just barely within Cabeswater, even though he knows that’s not wise, because he finds this perfect spot by a stream, and he’ll sit out there and think and work on the journal he keeps of all his thoughts and plans, and one day while he’s there has a straight up Disney princess experience when a deer stops by the stream and seems incredibly unafraid of him. he cherishes the experience but accepts that it probably won’t happen again.

and then it does. several times. gansey’s losing his mind. this deer??? apparently likes listening to him info dump?? it’s very therapeutic and also very magical and he’s amazed 

a few times in, he names the deer “Pryderi” after a character from a welsh legend, because “such a handsome creature deserves a princely name,” [[muffled blue laughing and whispering “princely” in the distance]], and he tells ronan and noah about this experience but ronan doesn’t believe him at ALL. 

one time after gansey’s particularly upset at how bad his attempts at getting along with the villagers, Pryderi actually lets Gansey touch him for the first time and gansey cannot shut up about it to ronan who’s finally like “i think you’re bullshitting me about this deer thing. im coming with you next time” and gansey’s like “well he’s a deer he might not show up if a stranger’s around and he doesn’t come every time i go down there anyway” and ronan’s like “this sounds like a lot of excuses, dick, you’re not making me believe you any more with this” and gansey’s like “>8\” 

but pryderi does show up, and gansey is delighted, and ronan stares really hard at him and then goes 

and gansey’s like what? nooo. but ronan keeps arguing it for the duration of the visit and the deer actually starts to look annoyed and at the end ganseys like ok maybe but i doubt it. and then hes like “well since you are a fey apparently (/sarcasm) i ought to say farewell with respect” and bows very mockingly and then the deer makes direct eye contact with ronan and bows back and gansey loses his shit

gansey continues meeting up with pryderi but even while his infodumping still happens it does so now with the knowledge that He Does Actually Understand What Im Saying, he may be a fey but he seems like a friendly one and hey that’s way more than gansey thought he would get out here, and also this deer is his friend now thanks, 

he, ronan, and noah (who’s amused by Pryderi but keeps his main thoughts to himself for now) make some excursions into cabeswater, but the thing is noah’s not really native to england, he’s from the european mainland, again i’ll get to it in another post sometime, but. he can sort of help navigate cabeswater but not all THAT well so they get lost a couple times, and every time it does happen pryderi shows up and helps guide them out. there’s some very funny moments of a very jealous ronan getting into weird conflict w/ a very smug deer 

anyWAY one day there’s like a festival, everyone’s drunk because its the middle ages and there’s not really a drinking age, gansey’s making another effort to make friends with anyone, and this one guy about his own age is like “ok look here i’ll teach you the folk dance everyone’s doing ok?” and gansey spends the night dancing w/ a handsome stranger, yes he will recognize the irony in the morning, but for now it goes. well badly because they’re both drunk but it’s fun, and then the guy says “ah, fuck it, i’ll finish teaching you next time we see each other” and gansey’s like “thats a little forward but ok!” and the guy (adam. its adam) panics and leaves while gansey’s back is turned and gansey doesn’t remember that last snippet of conversation the next day nor can he quite recall the stranger’s face. ronan does, because he was watching and not sure which of the two he was jealous of, but neither of them has any idea who the guy actually was. 

and then like, 3 days later, gansey falls asleep at the spot he usually hangs out in in cabeswater and wakes up in the early evening just in time to hear people yelling and for Pryderi to burst into view with an arrow in his flank. he collapses in a bush. gansey snaps into “protect friend” mode and gets the hunters off his trail by being all “oh a strange buck? i saw it pass that way over there friend!” and then when they’re gone he comes back and is all “alright pryderi they’re gone, let me just--” except pryderi’s not a deer anymore. it’s a boy. 

(Adam. its adam. the deer is adam.) 

gansey takes him home, gets the arrow out, noah’s like “i mean he’s not a fey, i dont know what turning into a deer is about but if he were fey the iron in that arrow would already have him dead. he might be partially fey but so little that he’s human in the ways that really matter”, over the next couple days they figure out that pryderi is in fact from the village and is a young man named adam parrish who’s been labelled a changeling and is assumed dead since he was yknow shot, gansey decides for now its probably best to keep him that way, but adam’s not getting better--apparently even having had the arrow in him as briefly as he did has poisoned him, he’s desperately ill and on the third day is finally like “get persephone” so gansey tries again (he’s tried several times over these days, they’d worked out that to have survived this long he must have someone else with a small degree of fey blood teaching him the ropes and the most likely suspects are the witches, but he’s hoping adam specifically asking him to will grant him permission enough to go in) and runs into a very frantic blue en route who as soon as he makes it clear he’s got adam is like “move your ass over on that horse im climbing on too” 

they get persephone, who turns into a fox rather than a deer, she saves adam, everythings cool except adam’s pissy now because he cant go back to the village and he has to give up on the attempts he had in the works to get out of town by working his way out and he takes it out on gansey who doesnt deserve it because this friendship is a mess, he’ll feel bad and take it back eventually but thats yet more posts ANYWAY YEAH theres our starting point 

(also worth noting: due to cabeswater being Right There,  p much everyone in this village actually has a small degree of fey blood, adam just won the genetic lottery) 

tl;dr adam’s a fey-blooded witch’s apprentice and he’s been the deer the whole time and thats the start of this au ty for coming to this ramble 

[seanfalco]

Famous Last Words | Valdryn

Fandom: The Witcher Punk!AU (past) Pairing: Valdo Marx x OC [ Aevryn Swift ] Word Count: 2683 Rating: T a/n: I really wasn’t planning on posting any of this series, and yet here we are.  Perhaps someone will be interested. :3  I just have a lot of Valdryn feels and there’s a lot of backstory to play with.  So this is basically the story of how Aevryn and Jaskier became friends and her and Valdo’s tempestuous journey to where they are now.  Summary: A story of star crossed lovers, doomed from the start. It’s no secret that Valdo Marx has been in love with his best friend Aevryn since they were children.  He’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted in life handed to him, except for her -- for her he’ll have to work, but for her he would do anything.  However, when fame goes to his head he loses sight of what’s important and a series of mistakes leads him down an irredeemable path.  This is the story of how Valdo loses her.

[ Part I | Part II | Part III ]

———

Part I - I Can't Do Everything But I'd Do Anything For You

Julian Pankratz, otherwise known to his classmates as Jaskier.

Aevryn twisted in her seat to glance at her assigned partner for their latest group project; their teacher having just finished divying the class up into pairs.  She knew the cute bright eyed musician from class, but she’d never really talked to him outside of that much.  He seemed like a cool enough guy, she just usually didn’t hang out with anyone outside of Valdo’s circle, and even that was hard enough lately with how jealous her boyfriend had been, she thought with a twist of her lips.

Taking a deep breath she forced those thoughts to the back of her head for a later time.  She had a group project to focus on after all. 

The rest of the period was reserved for project discussion and as Aevryn gathered her things to move to the desk next to Jaskier’s she caught sight of Valdo in the back trying to get her attention and stopped, tilting her head and wrinkling her nose in consternation as she tried to puzzle out what the fuck he was trying to communicate with his hand signals and exaggerated facial expressions.  Jaskier cleared his throat from his desk in front of where she stood and she gave a start, dismissing her friend with an exasperated wave of her hand before sitting.

“Sorry, I uh --” Aev chuckled awkwardly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she glanced down at the desk, feeling her face flush slightly in embarrassment.  “So, about that assignment hey?” she segued abruptly, not sure what else to say.

Jaskier snorted, flashing a grin.  “Smooth, very smooth.”

“Hey what can I say, I’m the queen of smooth,” Aev joked, laughing in earnest now, thankful that her new partner had a sense of humour.

As they began to brainstorm ideas for the assignment she discovered not only was Jaskier a musician as well, but he was funny and also really easy to talk to -- a bit awkward at times, but who was she to judge?  The queen of smooth, indeed.  And despite the many tangents they ended up getting lost in, they soon had a solid idea for their presentation.

“This is gunna be so great,” Aevryn murmured, chewing her lip as she began making notes, flipping through her text book, unaware that Jaskier was studying her intently from the corner of his eye.

Feeling eyes on him in turn, Jaskier shifted in his seat to find Valdo Marx glaring at him from across the room.  The dark haired youth narrowed his eyes as their gazes locked, bottle green piercing his bright blue as Valdo made an exaggerated ‘I’m watching you’ gesture.

Jaskier frowned, brows furrowing before pointedly ignoring Valdo and turning his attention back to Aevryn.

“Sooooo…” he mused after a moment, drawing the word out as though torn between curiosity and the fear of overstepping a boundary; unsure how his question might be received.

“Hmm?” Aev hummed in response, not looking up from her notebook as she continued to write.

“Uhhh, just wondering what the deal is between you and Valdo Marx,” he ventured carefully.

“What do you mean?” Aevryn asked, shooting Jaskier a confused and somewhat guarded look.  She assumed that everyone knew they were best friends.

Wilting slightly under the intensity of her gaze, he held up his hands defensively.  “Just… I’ve noticed you hang out with him a lot.  I thought you might be dating or something,” he added offhandedly.

Aevryn blinked at him a moment before huffing a laugh.  “What, nooo.  We’re just… just really good friends.”  She paused, trying to decide how much to tell him.  “I’m uhm, dating René from the other class, actually,” she explained, her eyes flicking away.

“Oh,” Jaskier exclaimed, unsure what else to say.  “I uh, I see.”

“Why?  Were you gunna ask me out or something?” she asked, leering at him comically, the grin on her lips full of mischief.

“No!” Jaskier yelped, quickly composing himself.  “No,” he repeated, somewhat calmer.  “I was just gunna ask for your number, purely for school project related purposes, you know.”

“Uh huh, suuuuure.”  Aevryn gave him a knowing look before snorting a laugh.  “I’m just kidding.  Yeah, give me your phone and I’ll put my number in.  Maybe if you’re not busy after school we can get a head start on this thing,” she suggested, holding out her hand expectantly as the bell rang.

Sliding his Sidekick open Jaskier handed it over as the room was filled with the shuffle of chairs scraping back and the muted murmur of students collecting their things.  As Aevryn began typing her contact info in Valdo sauntered over, backpack slung over his shoulder, stopping behind her and peering over her shoulder at Jaskier’s phone in her hand, his expression clearly unimpressed.

Jaskier eyed the other boy warily, his lip curling in disdain at the cocky grin that suddenly stole across Valdo’s face.  

Everyone knew Valdo Marx was a spoiled rich prick who got everything he wanted without having to work very hard for it.  ‘Well, maybe not everything he wanted,’ Jaskier thought smugly as he watched Valdo eye Aevryn.

“No,” Aev said curtly before Valdo even opened his mouth, his dark eyebrows raising in mock surprise.

“I didn’t even say anything,” he exclaimed, an impish light dancing in his green eyes.

“No, but I know you,” she replied, glancing up at him, fondness tinging her grin despite her sharp words.  “I’m not telling you our project idea only for you to steal it and pretend like we’re the ones copying you.”

Aevryn turned her amused grin on Jaskier as she slid his phone closed and handed it back to him.  “Don’t let him bully it out of you either.”

Unable to bite back the smirk that tugged at his lips Jaskier nodded, pocketing his phone.  “Don’t worry, I won’t.”  His gaze flicked to Valdo, who was clearly unamused at the turn of events, though as soon as Aevryn turned back to him, he was all smug confidence once more.

“Okay, okay, let’s go get some lunch, I’m fucking starving,” Valdo exclaimed, attempting to usher Aev out of the classroom.

Rolling her eyes her smile turned apologetic.  “I’ll text you later okay?  We can figure out when to meet up to work on this thing.”

Out in the hall Valdo let out a loud groan, clearly fishing for Aevryn’s attention as they left Jaskier behind. 

“Yes?” she asked, fighting back a grin as she glanced at her friend, his dark messy curls bouncing as he walked. 

“He asked you out didn’t he?” Valdo asked, disgust just barely concealed in his voice.

“What?  No!”  Aev exclaimed, bumping her shoulder against Valdo’s arm.  “We’re just meeting up for project stuff.”

“Yeah, uh huh, okay,” Valdo continued skeptically.  “Maybe he did and you just didn’t realize it.”

“Are you implying something?”  Aevryn asked, frowning dangerously as she tried to keep up with his long strides.  “Like that I’m dense or something?”

“No,” Valdo answered quickly, “I would never.  It’s just —I don’t trust that two-bit musician wanna-be.  It was obvious he was trying to charm you.”

Aev snorted in amusement.  “Oh, like you do all the time?  You know what he asked me?”

“Huh?”

“He thought we were dating,” she replied, gesturing between the two of them.  “Isn’t that wild?”

Valdo’s face fell for a moment, his posture stiffening slightly.  “Oh.  Yeah, wild.”  

Aevryn glanced at him, her stomach dropping strangely at the sudden shift in his tone, perhaps barely imperceptible to anyone else, but to her it spoke volumes.

“Would it be so weird if we dated?” Valdo’s voice dropped and Aevryn opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, René threw his arm around her shoulder, catching her by surprise.

The look in Valdo’s eyes before he glanced away wrenched at something deep inside her and she fought the urge to shrug René off.

“Hey babe, how was class?” her boyfriend asked, falling into step with them, effectively pushing between her and Valdo, who scowled and looked away, pulling his phone out.

“Uhm, not bad,” Aevryn answered, glancing across René to get a glimpse of Valdo, seemingly ignoring their conversation.  “We’re uh, doing a group project, so I’m probably gunna meet up with my partner after school for a bit to work on it.”

She hoped he wouldn’t ask who her partner was so she wouldn’t have to either make up something to avoid a fight or tell him the truth and endure his jealous suspicion.  Unfortunately her hopes were dashed.

“Who are you working with?” René asked slowly, his arm around her shoulder tensing.

“Uh…” Aev faltered.  If she lied and he found out, that would be bad.  But if she told him it was Jaskier, that would also potentially be bad.  René’s jealous streak became infinitely worse when someone good looking was involved and Jaskier definitely fit the bill, even if she wasn’t interested in him like that.

“It’s me.  I’m her partner,” Valdo said suddenly, sliding his phone shut and pocketing it before glancing at René, silently daring him to say anything.  “Right, Aev?”

“Uhm yeah, that’s right,” she mumbled, breathing a sigh of relief.

René eyed Valdo skeptically, but didn’t say anything further though it was obvious he wanted to.  

Sitting down at their usual table and plunking her tray down Aevryn pulled out her phone, making sure René was distracted as she slid open her keyboard.

Hey V.  Thanks.  I owe you one. 

Across the table Valdo’s phone chimed and Aev watched as he read her message, his expression strangely unreadable -- his usual cocksure grin missing.  He typed for a moment before biting his lip and deleting it and typing something else.  However as he hit send and closed his phone his smile was back.

Yeah I know.  I’m the best.  x

Rolling her eyes Aevryn picked up her fork, sharing an amused grin with her friend before digging in, feeling somewhat normal, though she idly wondered what it was that Valdo had originally typed.

—

“Do you think we could find a lute somewhere?”  Aevryn asked, the scratch of her pen pausing as she looked up at Jaskier.

“Hmm… mayyybe?”

“Hmm,” Aev mused, her nose scrunching up in thought.  “If not, I suppose we could use a regular guitar, and we’ll have my violin, but it would be so cool to have the whole historical accuracy thing going for us, especially with the costumes I wanna use.”

“We could check ebay,” Jaskier suggested, spinning in Aevryn’s computer chair to face the keyboard, typing in the url.

Getting up off her bed Aev moved closer, joining him in front of the monitor, leaning over his shoulder.  Noticing how close she was Jaskier swallowed, quickly averting his eyes back to the screen.

“Hey, this one’s not too expensive,” Aevryn said, pointing at one of the items on the screen with the end of her pen, completely oblivious to Jaskier’s momentary discomfort.  “If I get it, do you think you could play it for our presentation?”  Sea green eyes swung to Jaskier excitedly.

“Of course,” he replied, a cheeky grin spreading across his face.  “I can play anything.”

“Oh, I sincerely doubt that.”

Valdo’s drawl at the door had Jaskier jumping, glaring at the smug youth leaning casually against the doorframe, his sharp green eyes taking them both in.

“Oh shut up, Valdo,” Aevryn called, barely glancing away from the screen as she leaned past Jaskier to grab the mouse.  “And be nice.”

“Oh, but I am being nice.”

Jaskier watched Valdo push off the door and cross the room, throwing himself down atop Aevryn’s bed and sprawling his lanky body out; propping up on his elbow to idly flip through her notebook.

“Uh Aev, is this… a normal occurrence?”  Jaskier asked, his voice pitched low for her ears alone.

“What?” she asked, following Jaskier’s gaze toward Valdo lounging on her bed.  “Oh.  Yeah, he’s basically here more than his own house.  Our families are old friends, and they live next door, so…” she trailed off with a half shrug.

Jaskier nodded slowly, frowning to himself.  He was beginning to understand.  He liked Aevryn -- she was witty, smart, and genuine, but if he was gunna be friends with her he was gunna have to put up with Valdo Marx as well.  

Sighing, he picked up his phone to check the time.  “Hey Aevryn, it’s getting late.  I should probably head home for dinner.”

“Oh.  Okay,” the disappointment in her tone was audible, but she quickly hid it.  “I mean, you’re more than welcome to stay for dinner here, if you want.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Valdo interjected from the bed, but Aev ignored him.

“I get it though, we can’t really do much more today anyway.  Lemme walk you out, Jask,” she offered, following Jaskier out of the room.

“Bye bye Pankratz,” Valdo called smugly after them, not bothering to get up.  “Good riddance,” he muttered under his breath as soon as they were out of the room.

It took every shred of self control he had not to growl in annoyance as Jaskier walked next to Aevryn.

“I’m uh… sorry about him,” Aev mumbled as they walked down the staircase.  “He’s kind of…”

“A dick?”  Jaskier supplied without thinking, mentally kicking himself as soon as he’d spoken.

Aevryn stopped at the bottom of the steps and shrugged.  “Yeah, he is.”

He knew it wasn’t his place, but Jaskier couldn’t keep it in any longer.  “So, why are you friends with him?” he demanded, half expecting her to get angry, defensive, snap at him maybe, but she didn’t, she just looked thoughtful.

“Because… you don’t know him like I do,” she said softly.  “Because we grew up together.  He’s always just… been there for me.”  A sad smile tugged at her lips.  “There’s more to him than everyone else sees.”

Jaskier looked down at his hands, not sure how he should feel about that, but he didn’t want to upset Aevryn further.  “I’m sorry, that really wasn’t my place…”

“It’s okay,” she assured him quickly.  “I just hope that this doesn’t mean we can’t be friends too?”

Jaskier flashed her a grin.  “Of course we can be friends.”

“Oh good,” Aev breathed, relief flooding her as she held open the door.  “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

At the top of the staircase Valdo quickly slunk back to Aevryn’s room, rearranging himself on her bed before she returned.  He wasn’t exactly pleased with how friendly she was getting with Jaskier -- the fellow hadn’t really ever appeared on his radar before, but now he’d have to start paying attention.  It was what Aev had said about him though that buoyed his spirits, making the rest seem rather trivial at the moment.

He was special to her.  

“Ahhhh blessed peace.  The intruder is gone.  Finally,” he sighed dramatically, flopping onto his back amongst her pillows as Aev returned.  When she didn’t speak however he cracked an eye and peered at her as she sat on the edge of the bed next to him.

“Aev?”  he asked, shifting to see her better.

She was so close.  How easy it would be to pull her into his arms in that moment and hold her.  How many times had he imagined that.  Imagined brushing her hair from her cheek and kissing her…

How --

“Y’know, you don’t have to be a dick to everyone right?”

Aevryn’s soft words stopped his daydreams in their tracks and he lifted his head, his dark curls shifting against her pillow, a frown tugging at his lips.

“Yeah, and?” he asked.  Why did it matter, as long as he was nice to her?

Aev sighed and shook her head, running her hands through her hair before turning to face him, her expression back to normal, a grin tugging at her lips.  “I’m just saying, it wouldn’t kill you, you know.”

The knots that had begun to tie in his stomach disappeared and Valdo flopped back down, smirking impishly.  “It just might though.”

[typinggently]

frankenbilly and 5 for the prompts! :D

5) a heavy perfume, rose petals, golden chains 

 -

Thank you so much for this! I was immediately reminded of a post I made and the following conversation I had with @frank-g-castle!! They also wrote a fic for it and it’s so good!! Please check it out -> And Sit Beside Your Feet Tonight

so here’s a little taste of what my mind has been spinning with regarding this concpt :’)

-

Billy as a greedy young King, Frank as his involuntary Concubine

-

The difference is, Billy thinks as he swirls his glass to watch the golden wine glitter in the candlelight, that he’s always known what he’s doing and to what end goal. Even with his knuckles red with frost or blood, he’d known he’d be here at some point, in the hall of mirrors, on the throne. Wearing velvet and lace, eating raspberries.

Frank hasn’t thought about his life in that regard, which is why he’s sitting on the steps next to him, a golden chain weighing down his hands and neck, where it’s attached to a thick collar. Billy had it made for him, drawing inspiration from the Romans. FUGI, it says on the engraving. TENE ME. Frank tilts his head a little, looks to the side, then flicks his eyes up, catching Billy watching him. Billy smiles and takes a sip of wine. ‘Seize me’, he thinks. Oh, he’d love to see them try.

-

Not that Frank would ever run, he’s too nice a person for that. Too good a friend. But if Billy asked nicely, he’d probably try. And then Billy’d get to watch him take on his guards. They’re all terribly well-trained, of course, so it’d be a right mess, which is why Billy is saving it for a special occasion. Watching Frank claw his way to freedom only to turn around and leave bloody footprints on his way back to Billy – it’s something worth savouring.

Frank shifts a little, doing an impressive little thing with his eyes that wouldn’t be traceable to anyone who wasn’t as intimately familiar with his expressions as Billy is. A feat, for a man as blunt and rough-edged as Frank is to be so delicate in some matters. It’s a trait Billy has always admired in him, and now he smiles as he leans in. “What is it? Do you want some more pheasant?”

There’s a little twitch in Frank’s expression. Next to him on the stairs, a plate of fine china sits untouched, pheasant and asparagus growing cold. “No. What has you so worried?”

 Billy licks his lower lip, sucks on it, but Frank doesn’t have the decency to break eye contact to watch. It really is unfortunate, that getting to know someone well enough to read their pupils results in them being able to read you, too. “I’m not bending down to tell you.”

There’s a dull sense of satisfaction in watching Frank’s eyebrows furrow. A small compensation for the fact that Frank knows him so well, a little kick aimed at his pride. Billy straightens, leans back against the velvet of his throne. His vest is velvet, too, ornamented with delicate rows of pearls and lace trim. It’s the perfect contrast to Frank’s bare torso, the shimmery silk of his loose trousers.

When the boys had come to dress him this afternoon, they’d been appalled by the scars adorning Frank’s skin, used to much sweeter bodies. In an effort to soften the look of him, they’d covered Frank’s silver scars with gold-infused oil and the scent of his hair, his skin with a heavy, sweet-woody perfume. Billy watches Frank as he gets on his knees, the heavy chain and collar catching the light (TENE ME), and thinks about the perfume glistening in the dip of his throat, running down his chest. Now, he’s still subtly glistening in oil, gold dust catching the flickering candle light. Not enough to turn him into a golden calf, but enough to remind Billy of the vase paintings of the Minotaur. Brute strength. Billy blinks, brings his focus back to Frank’s eyes. Remembers the plan.

-

Frank is being good, convincing, his palms resting on the armrest of his throne, his spine straight. A very sweet dog, begging very nicely for treats. When Billy leans in, his hand finds the skin-warm gold of Frank’s collar, thumb resting on the letters (TENE ME). He makes sure to whisper into Frank’s left ear, hiding the movement of his lips from the people in the hall, the dancers, the silent observers. “The chief adviser will die tonight.”

The chief adviser is one of Billy’s favourites, someone he relies on heavily in his decision-making. His death would bring a great confusion with it, as well as a general period of reconstruction and fragile power dynamics.

Which is, of course, exactly what Billy wants. It’s just that there has to be some authenticity about Billy’s disregard of these power dynamics, and his resulting shock when hearing about the death of the man he places so much trust in. And to reach that level of authenticity, Billy has to show that disregard most prominently tonight.

Under his fingertips, Frank’s pulse picks up a little. Billy smiles, knowing Frank put together the pieces from that short sentence alone. Knowing Frank will offer himself as a way to prove the exact kind of disregard for courtly politics Billy has.

And just as expected, Frank tilts his head a little, his lips barely brushing Billy’s collar, skin-warm lace. Good enough for the people watching from across the hall. Not good enough for the people at the foot of the stairs leading up to the throne. Billy uses his grip on Frank’s collar to pull him up and in, hold him still as he kisses him. Out of necessity, of course.

-

Beneath the taste of golden wine, he can catch a hint of wild growls and light-hearted laughter, something half-forgotten and achingly familiar that wakes a hot greed in his chest. Frank’s throat works under his palm as he swallows and Billy is nice enough to help him tilt his head to deepen their kiss, Frank’s mouth hot and soft for him.

-

Billy always knows what he’s doing. When he takes another half hour to finish his wine, when he feeds Frank with honey-dripping figs, when he runs his sticky fingers through Frank’s curls, he knows what he’s doing. And later, when he’s standing in bedchamber, a foaming sea of cool cotton sheets, a bowl of rose petals sweetening the air of the room and Frank by his side, wine-warm and kiss-soft, he knows exactly that it’s where he wants to be.

-

I don’t know what time period this would take place in…the Hall of Mirrors is obviously taken from Baroque Versailles, as are some of the elements, but somehow it also had some fin de siècle flavours to me, as well as some hints of antiquity (what with the sex slaves and all…), while the fashion I was picturing was mostly renaissance inspired? So. Uh? Who knows. Also the backstory for this is something I’ve thought about for a hot minute - Frank and Billy having their regular backstory up until after the mirror thing, then they call it even and Billy goes to fuck/murder his way to the throne while Frank chills in the woods, grows a beard and uh? Fucks the milkmaid I guess. But Billy gets chilly on top of the food chain and wants his friend back, so he goes to drag Frank to the castle, where he makes him his “consort”. Up until they’re back in Billy’s rooms, Frank doesn’t know what’s happening, he thinks this is payback (since that’s how Billy makes it look). Point is – there’s “put on” sexual tension, beneath that there’s “we’re working together to ensure Billy stays king”, beneath that is a lot of aggression and tension from both sides, beneath that is A LOT of sexual frustration. It’s a mess!!!! :D

Also the whole collar thing is inspired by a “dog tag” they found in Pompeii, worn by a slave, that says (in latin) “I’ve run away. Seize me. If you return me to my master x, you’ll get a gold coin” (or some other amount of money). I learned about it years and years ago in latin class, as an off-hand comment on some info sheet on Pompeii and let’s just say, my brain apparently already knew I’d be into some shit and filed it away for later.

Those are the longest notes to date and I’m still buzzing with this whole concept. I had a TON of fun with this and I hope you enjoyed reading it!! :D Thank you so much for the prompt!!!

[moldy-mold]

Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted.  At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan.  My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.” 
Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!
 https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #238

“crimson calligraphy written on the trees, creature from the grave, headless and hellbent for me.”

Have you ever played golf? Like, mini-golf. Is there a lake near your house? No, but there's two small ponds down the road. Have you ever made your own pizza or pasta dough? No. Have you ever watched an entire season of a tv show in one day? Uhhhhh how long are the first few seasons of Supernatural? Because Jason and I fucking binged it, and I honestly think that's partially the reason I don't even enjoy TV anymore. Like I liked the show, but jfc it became torture at some point. Not his fault at all, I just never pointed it out. BUT ANYWAY, it's definitely possible we did. What did you have for dinner tonight (or last night)? A ham and cheese hot pocket. Do your parents do things that ‘embarrass’ you? This is so mean, but my mom makes the cringiest jokes and such imo that gives me mad secondhand embarrassment. Do you like any Bon Jovi songs? Yeah, a decent handful. Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. Do you give people second chances? Ha, more than "second." How’re things between you and your most recent ex? We're totally great. Really as if we didn't even break up, considering I mean... nothing emotionally has changed. We just know that being together right now isn't the wise decision. It's frustrating as hell, though. We've already established we're not going to "wait" for each other, but neither of us are actively looking for a new partner, either. I want her, and from what I can tell, she wants me, too. We kinda just... don't talk about how unfair it all is anymore because we both get too upset. I was even supposed to go up there with her and her fam for her birthday and Christmas, but that's changed because she and I agree it's too soon after splitting, making it only more difficult to be around each other. We'd want to cuddle and kiss and such by instinct, so we're trying to wait until the wound isn't as fresh. Though honestly, I don't know how visiting period would go consider as said, there has been zero change in romantic attraction. Ugh yeah I just hope she figures out what she wants and all and we can get back together. Have you been to a wedding this year? No. I'm going to my half-sister's next year, though. Are you an aunt or uncle? Yes, and another niece is on her way. :') Do you expect to be married in the next two years? Probably not. What season is your birthday in? Winter. Have you ever been hunting? Fuck that shit. How often do you walk around barefoot? Always in my own house + in other houses if I'm allowed to take my shoes off. When you eat take-out, do you just eat it out of the containers provided? Usually, but it does depend on what food it is. Ex., those little boxes that have rice in them from Chinese places? I'm using a bowl. From the container is just messy. Would you need to sleep with someone before considering marrying them? Nah. Do you carry condoms? No. Would you date someone who has a hearing aid? ... Yes...? "No" is just... so rude?? Like that is something the person absolutely cannot help, nor is it a HUGE thing. It's just a hearing aid, dude. How organized are the files on your computer? Pretty decent. Folders and such. Could be better still, probably. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nah, not my scene. Have you ever brought home a stray animal? Pleeeeenty of cats. Are you physically strong? No, especially not my legs. I've got a newborn fawn's legs, jc. Still working on building the muscle back up. Would you date someone with braces? Oh my god, fuck off. Yes I would. I was the person with braces dating someone without them, so 1.) I obviously can't say shit, 2.) they're taking care of their goddamn teeth, and 3.) I dunno, wearing braces has no goddamn impact on personality???????????? Does scuba diving interest you? Not to an incredible degree, but it'd be cool. Would you ever ask your parents for relationship advice? Maybe for certain topics. Do you think people look up to you? Y'know that "oh no hunty WHAT is u doin" meme??? That's me if someone does. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? *blinking* There are people who don't??????? Do you blush easily? Ohhhhhh yes. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Hm. Not sure. Can you name five current world leaders? AHAHA nope. How many times have you had the flu? Zero. Do you think imagination is valuable? Oh hell yes. We would be NOWHERE CLOSE to where we are as animals without it. Who or what are you most impatient with? I don't know. When was the last time you mowed a lawn? Never. Have you seen all of the Star Wars films? No; seen only the first three with a friend and saw zero appeal. He didn't either. How about all of the Harry Potter ones, so far? I haven't even seen one. Jason and I started the first one together but. Paid way more attention to each other than the movie lmfao. What part of the newspaper do you typically enjoy reading? None. I collect my school's papers now though 'cuz I'm the photographer for it. :') Have you ever made a website, even a simple one? Four that I remember. The ancient and now-defunct ones were back when I think this site called Wetpaint was a host for simple sites, and a lot of us RPers posted our mob info and stuff there. I had one for Talons, one for Connrads. Ha, out of curiosity, I think I looked for them not all too long ago since I never actually deleted them, but I think the site itself was re-purposed. NOW, I have a Wix site for my photography, and then Kalahari Manor is a ProBoards-hosted site. Which was better: your childhood or your teen years? Jfc, childhood. Teen years were a chaotic and rancid cesspit in terms of mental health. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? I truly imagine that realizing I was *in love* with Jason surpassed what a high probably feels like lmao. What does it take for someone to win your heart? I'm actually putting thought into this one and I think what appeals to me in a person most is just being friendly with a good sense of humor and obvious, shameless concern for others. AND JFC, HAVE EMOTION. Don't be a brick wall with me. Lacking an emotional side, positive or negative, is such a turn-off to me. I'm not attracted to robots. Being a gentle person is important, and for me personally, you need to actually act like you're into me. Not just between us. Do not make me a secret. AND BE CREATIVE AND WEIRD AND FRESH!!!!!!!!!!! There's nothing wrong with more "vanilla" people, but just for me myself, I need someone who stands out for some good reason. lol okay this answer's actually getting kinda long, I'll stop. There's a number of ways. What is one thing you would rather be doing? Ha ha yo real talk, Sara and I are getting all emotional and deep into our relationship, platonic or romantic, and I want me and her in her bed right now tearing each other up alsdkjfla;kwejre I love her a lot ok. When was the last time you changed your mind about something? OKAY SO I started a new birth control, right? It. Sent. Me. BACK. With my PTSD. How? Idfk, but I was suddenly obsessing over Him again, badly. I stopped that shit, and wha'd'ya know, two days later, I'm like "lol wtf I don't want him why did that just happen hunty was u ok????????". SO YEAH, that was a trip. Do you know anyone with a lisp? I'm not sure. Possibly. How much weight can you lift at once? No clue. Not a lot. Do you ask guys out, or wait for them to ask you out? I've never asked a guy out, but I wouldn't say I wouldn't. Do you like the last person who showed interest in you? I love her. Describe the last person you stared at? I have no idea. Do you like dating one person at a time, or multiple people? I'm personally monogamous. Have your experiences made you more or less sympathetic to others? MORE. Do you find smoking unattractive? I do. Have your parents ever searched your personal belongings? Mom has. Where did you get your last bruise from? ... Well. This is uh. Awkward. Tying into when I was on that medicine that made my libido fucking uncontrollable (thank the fucking lord I'm back to normal), my breasts are lookin rough, sister. Are you looking forward to anything? Nothing in the VERY near future, I think. A bit further off, Christmas. I can't wait to see the kids so excited again, and for once, we come together as a true family. Plus my #1 wish is to have my Mark tattoo improved at an amazing parlor, and I'm pretty sure that'll be happening, just obvs. not on Christmas Day itself. I'll just be fuckin STOKED when I *know* it's happening. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yes. How much money did you spend today? $1.25 for something from the vending machine. I didn't have breakfast, so I was really hungry. When you’re bored in class, what do you usually do? Try to not doze off. If we're not doing anything, then I'll play around with my phone. Have you ever had a song stuck in your head for more than a day? Oh, definitely. Ever walked into the guy’s bathroom? HA as a stupid elementary school with her friends, we sure did during a work day (my mom used to work with special ed kids at school). We thought we were soooo rebellious. How many wives or husbands do you want? One. What happens if you fall in love with your best friend? Ha, did. I still am, and we hope to be back together someday. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not that I know of. Thankfully. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? It's not my thing, but sure, if it's consenting and both are aware it's platonic. Do your wishes ever get granted in the worst way possible? Probably in some way at some point I don't recall. How do you feel about your naked body? NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO Have you ever been called obnoxious? I don't think so, anyway. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. Can you do a split or stick your foot up next to your ear? Nope. When was the last time you complained about something? I was venting some mild frustration to Sara earlier tonight. What is your favorite color combination? Favorite is probably pastel orange and light blue. Love it. Then there's pastel pink and purple. Okay pretty much any combination is about the pastels When was the last time you spoke in front of a group? A month or so back when I had to do my Lifeline presentation in FYS. Do you like group projects, or do you prefer to work alone? I strongly prefer working alone. There's no disagreements, compromises, incompetent partners, etc. Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? Yup! (: Indirectly, but. How did you respond? I don't recall, but I wish I did. Who is the most argumentative person you know? She's not in my life anymore partially BECAUSE of that shit. Do you know anyone who is crazy about proper grammar? Yes, but she has OCD as a valid reason. I'm pretty particular about it too to a degree. Who was the last person to make you feel special? Oh my gosh, my therapist told me she was so proud of me and the progress I was making that I just entirely lit up and became a total beaming ball of giggles and "thank you"s. Would you feel funny if you kissed somebody of the same sex? No, I'm bi. If your best friend grabs your hand, what do you automatically do? Squeeze it. What’s something you can cook or bake like a pro? Cheesy and spicy scrambled eggs, man. Also known as the only thing I can properly cook lmao. Do you tend to flirt a lot, even when the person isn’t single? Fuck no, if they're not single. I'll flirt with my s/o when I see it appropriate or relevant, and in a case where we're both single, I'd be very subtle about it because shy. What’s something that you think is really cute? Off the very top of my head, the Ewoks from Star Wars, oh my fucking god. They were the only thing I enjoyed in the movies. What’s a pretty bird? I mean... pretty much all of them. BUT, can we take a moment to appreciate the bearded vulture? like???? they're fucking BADASS???????????? Besides sleeping, what do you do in bed? Almost... everything. It's the reason I endured/am still recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs. Have you ever hacked into somebody’s account? Playfully, back when that was a thing for friends to do and post lovey-dovey stuff about them everywhere. Megan and I, and I believe Mini and I as well, did it to each other. Possibly more. Is having to pee really badly worse than being really thirsty? Oh hell yes it is. The former can get to a point of hurting. Have you ever touched a Qu'ran? No. Do you love animals more than most? Oh definitely. Why do you eat fast food? It's easy to grab when on the run, and Mom has almost zero time to cook. Then we both have school. Most often I just warm things up in the microwave or grab something substantial enough in the fridge. Is there always going to be that one person you and a friend makes fun of? I guess you could say indirectly, yes. Just something she said in a certain way became an inside joke. Her as a person, no, I wouldn't do that. What is a bad habit of yours that you’re actually trying to fix? Having terrible eye contact. I have a very hard time maintaining it, but I've been trying to keep that weakness in mind when talking to people. Do you write out your feelings? That's one reason why I take these surveys, yes. Do you have bills to pay yet? It's embarrassing that I don't. Not saying like, I want to pay bills, what madman would, but I do want to feel more like a proper, independent adult. Will you be changing your hair any time soon? Not the style, but one thing I'm asking for Christmas is a professional to dye my hair silver. I say pro because my hair does NOT hold color, and because of the bleach needed, Mom's concerned I'll damage my hair if I put my trust into anyone less qualified. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? I don't think so, but she looks UNCANNILY like her firstborn daughter. It is SCARY. Is there something you wish you could learn to do? There's loads of stuff. Probably above all, cook. Or stop procrastinating. If you could be amazing at ONE thing, what would it be? Drawing precisely what I see in my head. Because of how important they are to me, I would pay BIG FUCKING BUCKS to get how my 'kats look onto paper. What do you wish people would pay you to do? Complain about my weight. :^) I'd be able to just pay for surgery to fix that within a day. Do you take good pictures? I personally think I do. I mean I wanna be a professional photographer. How would one go about impressing you? It depends on the subject and difficulty of whatever. What probably impresses me most would be someone maintaining a mature, peaceful attitude when there is reason to act otherwise. Self-control, that's it. Do you automatically apologize if you walk into somebody? Duh? Tell me a memory of this summer: It was fucking scorching and I hated every minute of it. What’s something that you don’t need, but really want? Hmmmm. OH, HELL YES. IF I had the proper body to even remotely pull them off, I. Would wear. NOTHING. But corsets. Jesus FUCKING Christ they are so hot. What do you draw more than anything else? Just about all I draw is meerkats. What’s the most favorite class you’ve ever had? The Digital Photography course I took in high school. Or Art Honors my junior year. I really enjoyed the stuff I made. For each person you’ve kissed, describe your feelings in one word: Jason: melancholy; Tyler: dramatic; Girt(?): loyal; Sara: ideal. How do you react when you trip or stumble? Gasp and carry on. If it was a more serious trip, I look around at who saw. Are you good at “biting your tongue”? NO. Why do you love the one you do? She's been there for me without fail, has undying faith in me, supports me through everything, is honest, she's funny and very unique, her adoration for animals shows a great level of compassion, she trusts me so much despite her history, she stands extremely firmly for what she sees as right and wrong... okay I can honestly write an essay on why I love her. Would you rather get [another] tattoo or piercing? GIMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 THE TATTOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111 Do you have long or short legs? I'd say they're normal, idk. When do you listen to Nickelback? *shrugs* When I wanna? Would you rather make the first move, or your crush? Them. I'm shy.

[smoochcal]

numb without you (part four)

a/n: I am trying to update this series as often as I can and luckily his week my work load has not been that much but please understand if I don’t update this series every day it is purely because I am busy with school and other things not because I did not want to update. that being said, thank you so much for your constant love and support. I might change my update schedule to be that I start writing the next part when the previous part gets 25 notes because as of right now part three has 14 notes and I am sure we can get that to 25 easily if everyone who reads this sends the link to their friends or reblogs :) please please please inbox me your feedback because I would love to hear from you guys on how you like (or don’t like) my writing style and how often I update etc. once I figure out how to make a tag list I can definitely tag any of my active readers if possible. I am still quite new to posting original content on tumblr so I will also try to get a masterlist link up soon and post the previous part in the beginning of this series. thank you for your continuous support of this series and my writing and if you want to have me write something different about any of the other 5sos boys just inbox me and I will try to write a blurb based off what info you give me :) happy reading!

pairing: readerxluke

word count: 1.7 k

summary: you go to your first doctor’s appointment to get more information on what is happening, and some surprise visitors join you

playlist: numb without you by the maine, high hopes by panic! at the disco

rating: PG-13

warnings: swearing, doctor’s visit, soft soft soft

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Y/N’s POV:

Just another Monday morning, that’s all today is. Yeah you aren’t going to work, but that should be something you celebrate not sulk over. You just know that today will definitely confirm what you have suspected. You will for sure be told by your doctor that you are pregnant today in the matter of a few hours, actually. Calum said he would go with you. He’s been calling every day to check up on you. You don’t necessarily mind him checking up on you, it is just kind of weird considering you two have never really been that close. This is something Luke should be doing. You hate to compare them, but that is all you can think about right now.

Luke hasn’t talked to you since Thursday night when he found out exactly what is going on between you and Calum. You hate that you left things the way you did but you can’t really change that considering he hasn’t answered your calls or texts or multiple FaceTimes. You suppose you could go and see him at his place, but you don’t know his schedule and you hate showing up to places unannounced and uninvited. You do miss him though. More than anything. I mean the two of you are best friends. You can’t even remember the last time you and Luke had gone this long without talking to one another. And you are pretty sure that is what hurts the most. The fact that in any other circumstance he would be the one by your side through all of this. The doctor appointments, the morning sickness, the midday naps, all of it.

You shake the thought from your mind and look in your closet to find something to wear. Calum said he would meet you at the OBGYN’s office ten minutes before the scheduled appointment. That gives you twenty minutes before you have to leave your apartment. You don’t even bother to put on makeup, and you dress yourself in a pair of leggings and a flowy shirt. You aren’t showing yet, but you want to be careful just in case. Not like anyone at this kind of a doctor’s office would care if you were showing. You mainly dressed this way to give yourself some peace of mind. You brush your teeth quickly and put on a pair of tennis shoes before grabbing your car keys and heading over to meet Calum at the appointment.

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Calum’s POV:

I can’t believe him. Actually, no I can. Of course, Luke would do something like this. I know that he is her best friend or whatever, but he doesn’t get to swoop in and save the day at this doctor’s appointment. Especially not after he has spent the past four days ignoring Y/N. She doesn’t deserve that. She doesn’t deserve any of this. I was so stupid. A stupid mistake that is now going to effectively ruin both of our lives. It doesn’t matter that I’ve always had a soft spot for kids. Or that I have always had a small crush on Y/N. We aren’t going to ponder that last bit.

Anyway, here I am about to get in the car and meet Y/N at the doctor when Hemmings shows up at my doorstep waiting for me to leave my house. He gave me a whole speech on how he needs to be there for her just as much as I need to be there for the baby. Which I personally think is a load of bullshit, but he literally stood in front of my car and didn’t let me go anywhere until I let him come with me. He hasn’t returned her calls or messages, but sure he’s allowed to show up unannounced and uninvited to the first doctor’s appointment. Sure, she’s going to forgive him right on the spot like he hasn’t been a complete ass to her these past couple days when she needed him most.

He keeps flipping between the various radio stations just to add to how obnoxious he is being. I know he is supposed to be a good friend of mine and all, but I really cannot stand him this morning. He is singing along to High Hopes by Panic! at the Disco as it was on the station Luke finally landed on during his channel surfing. I’m driving fairly quick trying to get to the appointment exactly ten minutes before it starts like I told Y/N I would. I would have been perfectly on time without driving like a maniac if it wasn’t for mister save the day now sitting in my passenger seat. I wish I wasn’t so angry at him, but I honestly have every reason to be.

Finally, I pull into a parking spot and am walking up the steps of the hospital where I am supposed to meet Y/N with Luke following close behind me.

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Y/N’s POV:

You can’t believe your eyes. Calum met me at the hospital just like he promised, but what he failed to mention is that the person of the hour, Luke, would be joining us. In any other circumstance you would be elated to see Luke here, but not today. Not here, not now. You were nervous enough to see your doctor today and discuss your pregnancy but adding the stress of your situation with Luke was not helping anything.

The three of you sit awkwardly in the waiting room, waiting for one of the nurses to call you back. You know both Luke and Calum could tell that you were nervous, but neither of them wanted to help out apparently. You took a couple deep breaths and sat impatiently waiting for your name to be called. The time was crawling by and you really had to pee. You told Calum you were going to be back in a bit and left to use the bathroom. You didn’t tell Luke because you were still mad at him plus, he could probably figure it out if he used his head.

You were back in less than five minutes and right before you sat back down the nurse called you back. You quickly made your way to the door with Calum and Luke close behind you. You sat on the end of the examination table as you told the nurse your age, when you last had your period, and a bunch of other routine stuff. Once that was all documented, she left you three alone and told you that your doctor would be in soon.

“Well this is super awkward,” Luke said breaking the silence of almost three minutes.

“Wouldn’t be so awkward if you didn’t insist on tagging along,” Calum rebutted, his snarky tone obviously getting under Luke’s skin.

“Would you two quit already? Yeah, it’s awkward but you two aren’t helping how I feel in this situation at all. Now either shut up or quit being mean to one another because whether you like it or not you are both here together to support me and this baby even if a certain SOMEONE did not apologize for the way he lashed out at me last week,” you respond, clearly upset with the both of them.

As soon as you end your little speech and Luke starts to open his mouth the doctor knocks on the door and enters the room. She goes over your chart and asks if you have started experiencing any morning sickness which luckily you have not. She asks a couple other questions before she has you go into the bathroom to get a urine sample. She already thinks you are pregnant, but she wants the lab results to confirm this.

Once you give the lab technician your sample, she runs it through the system. By the time you get back to the examination room the results are in. The doctor announces that your test results confirm your pregnancy and asks you to lay down on the exam table and lift up your shirt for your first ultrasound. You are nervous but Calum sits next to you and squeezes your hand. Luke stands at the other end of the room so he could still see the monitor but also, so he is not in the way of anything.

The gel is cool on your stomach which was to be expected but it still caused a couple goosebumps to form along your arms. Usually an ultrasound isn’t routine for your first visit, but you were expected to be far enough along that you could have one done right away. The doctor slowly moved the wand over the gel on your abdomen and watched the monitor to see what you guys were working with. Finally, after what seems like an hour of searching a little image shows up on the monitor. What looks like nothing more than a dark grey blob will soon be a tiny baby in your arms.

The doctor announces that your baby is that blob on the screen and immediately you feel your eyes leak out a couple of salty tears. You were never one to be overly emotional, but you couldn’t help it. That is your baby on the screen. Yours and Calum’s baby. Calum squeezes your hand a little tighter and Luke smiles as all of your eyes are glued to the screen in front of you. The doctor asks if any of you want pictures from the ultrasound to take home with you even though you can’t see much. The three of you nod your heads almost simultaneously which makes her smile and she grabs them for you and tells you about the prenatal supplements you should start taking along with explaining what you should expect from now until the next time you are in her office.

On your way home from the office, Luke asks if he can ride with you. You are about to say you don’t think that is the best idea when Calum gives you a Luke that basically tells you to hear him out. You sigh but decide to listen to Calum’s advice assuming that it would probably be easier on Calum anyway to have some alone time without Luke for once. You walk to your car with Luke trailing behind you as you tell Calum you will meet him back at your apartment. You open your car door and sit down before Luke sighs and starts his lengthy apology.

[mischiefiswritten]

Writing with Psychology: Emotion and Expression

Hello all! As writers, we spend a ton of our time crafting memorable, three dimensional characters with satisfying arcs. It's no surprise that emotion is key in portraying each and every one of them, so I'd like to introduce you to some of the psychology and neuroscience behind the human capacity to feel, express, and interpret emotion.

Most notably, I'd like to direct you to the work of Dr. Paul Ekman, a psychologist who's done incredible work in the arena of emotion, facial expressions, and micro expressions. Have you ever seen the TV series, Lie to Me? The science in that show was based on Dr. Ekman's research! How about Pixar's Inside Out? The film also drew heavily from Ekman's work.

Background Info

Traditionally, six universal emotions have been identified: joy, sadness, fear, surprise, and disgust. (Surprise and fear were combined for Inside Out.) The idea actually began in a book by Charles Darwin, who claimed facial expressions were universal - even between species! - while gestures were learned as a function of socialization. This wasn't a particularly well-received theory at the time, and virtually nothing came of it until Ekman decided to test it himself in the 60's. He tested it by visiting an isolated group of indigenous peoples in New Guinea who had no exposure to other cultures, and therefore could not possibly have learned facial expressions from anyone else. Lo and behold, the expressions they made for each of the six universal emotions were identical to those made by people in different countries around the world!

Since then, some researchers have added contempt to the list of universal emotions.

(Just a fun fact as this isn't directly applicable to writing characters, but high speed videography has show that facial expressions begin on the left side of the face, which is more expressive than the right. This supports the theory that primarily the right hemisphere controls facial expression, since the brain is wired contralaterally. Some studies have even shown people subconsciously turn the left side of their faces toward people when they're especially interested in conveying emotion!)

Which comes first? Expression or emotion?

Now, I won't bore you with the nitty gritty details of the neuroanatomy associated with generating expression, but here's something interesting not just for writing characters but also for daily life: there is real reciprocity between facial expression and the experience of emotion. What that means is that your face receives instructions from the brain about what emotions you're feeling and need to express through muscle movement and tension, but your face sends instructions to your brain about what emotions you should be feeling according to the movements and tension of facial muscles. In short - if you hold a sad facial expression, you will begin to feel sad. If you hold an angry facial expression, you will begin to feel angry.

Be aware of your characters' facial expressions, not just as an expression of what they're feeling, but as a driving force for what they may begin to feel. Perhaps your characters are in a situation where they have to fake their outward expression for long periods of time, whether positive or negative. Neuroscience says they'll start to absorb the mood they're pretending to feel! (So if you find yourself in a bad mood and want a boost to a more positive day overall, just try smiling for a few minutes! You should start to feel a little brighter.)

Social Considerations

Despite the universal nature of the big six (or seven) expressions, there is an undeniable social component to facial expression as well. During his research, Ekman traveled to Japan to conduct experiments, In one, he discovered that though Japanese people expressed those six universal emotions identically to people of other nationalities when they were not aware they were being observed, they suppressed their expressions when an authority figure was in the room. So keep in mind who your character is with in each scene and how that affects their expression of emotion, whether through face, body language, speech, etc. Consider also how they came to learn what level and type of expression is appropriate in each scenario and in certain company. Was it their parents? Is it simply the widespread cultural norm? Was it something specific in their past? Are there exceptions to the rules?

Beyond Facial Expression

Emotion is expressed and experienced through more than simply facial expressions, of course. You've probably heard before that smell is the physical sense most closely linked to memory - and it's true! What's also true is that memory is enhanced for emotionally significant content, so never forget the sense of smell in your descriptions! A skillfully evoked scent could trigger specific, even distant and nearly-forgotten, memories in your readers as well as your characters, transporting them directly into the emotions of that moment.

Last but not least, we should mention voice. The term prosody refers to the tone of voice that accompanies a phrase. Affective prosody gets across emotional context, and can be emotional (revealing how the speaker is feeling) or attitudinal (expressing how the speaker feels about something or someone else). Just like facial expression, tones of speech both express and elicit emotion. Prosody should be combined with facial expression for best interpretation, but can't interesting things happen when you're lacking one of the two?

Food for Thought

As you write, consider which of your characters excel at picking up on emotional cues from others and interpreting them, and think about which of them are expressive or not. For that matter, which of them are simply uncomfortable in situations where they or someone else is conveying or is expected to convey a lot of emotion? Miscommunication or a lack of communicated emotion can be rich grounds for conflict or missed signals, especially if it's rooted in cultural differences that are easy to misunderstand. And remember, only six (or seven) emotions have been declared universal - that means expressions for the whole gamut of other emotions and nuances may vary. Be creative! If you have a particularly perceptive character, you may even be able to utilize microexpressions to push their powers of deduction a little closer to Sherlock Holmes territory.

There are so many questions you can ask about emotion when you're writing and so many ways to evoke different feelings. I hope this has gotten you started down that avenue of thought and maybe taught you a little something cool too!

Want to know more? Here's Dr. Ekman's website, where you could even sign up for his course to learn how to pick up on and interpret expressions and microexpressions.

He's also got a blog! There's tons of really cool stuff there.

Books and other publications!

Videos! On catching liars, an atlas of emotion (a collaborative work with the Dalai Lama), mastering emotion, and Dr. Ekman's original research on facial expression.

Thanks for sticking it out through this long post. Questions, comments, and feedback are very welcome! Happy writing, everyone.