#thanks for all the help through a literal global pandemic guys

[wetcatspellcaster]

end-of-year fic writer roundup

Thanks @hawkeish​ for the tag! (I say, as if I lowkey didn’t bully you into tagging me :’) )

word count: 380,935 words published to AO3 since my first foray into fic in february, by far the most words I’ve ever written in a year. It’s amazing what clinging to a hyperfixation for any sense of self while living alone in a pandemic will do to your productivity.

new things I tried this year: like hawkeish, fanfic in general! I’d never written fanfic before this year, and it was the perfect hyperfixation to pick up roughly 3 weeks before the first UK lockdown. While I was depressed in December, I made a new year’s resolution for 2020 to try to rediscover the joy of writing again by Any Means Necessary. Add a pandemic into the mix where I was cut off from all my friends in England, and I decided to focus on fanfic rather than original fic, because I needed to write only for me and I needed it to make me happy. Thank god it worked! Fic is literally the only thing keeping me going at times. It helped me recover from my depression and it remains my no.1 pandemic coping mechanism.

fic I spent the most time on: obvs all 325k of Eye of the Storm, given that my other published fics are 1/10 of the word count.

fic I spent the least time on: I think the one I’m currently posting, Fortress of Highever? Because I set myself a deadline for the draft that I met, and also Alistair is way too nice to cause half the drama of any of the other DA characters.

favourite thing I wrote: this works out very neatly, because it is absolutely A Man’s Word is His Bond. I think Eye of the Storm is kind of a hot mess, but this fic literally does everything I wanted it to. I just wanted to read something with the same kind of dynamic as Howl/Sophie from Howl’s Moving Castle (as in, dramatic disaster bisexual and his hypercompetent wife), so I wrote myself a trashy soulmate AU. I reread this fic whenever I am ill.

favourite thing I read: I’ve struggled with reading in general this year, favouring webtoons over both books and fics. But I really liked The Prince’s Penance by Ocreata which is a Sebastian/F!Trevelyan fic (I want to marry this version of Evelyn plz), Of Amulets and Dragons by MakjangCandy (Modern Girl in Thedas WITH ADDED KDRAMA TROPES, meaning it is literally a mashup of my two comfort genres) and a old Handers fic I found called A Little White Lie by CherieoftheDragons, which wonderfully lampshades how awful and inappropriate and endearing all of Hawke’s canonical flirting dialogue is.

Also, it ain’t a Dragon Age fic, but any fan of the Magnus Archives, or anyone who has ever had to do work with GDPR in the UK should read Beholding the GDPR: How the Magnus Institute Updated Its Privacy Policy for the Twenty-First Century And Only Caused One Nervous Breakdown In The Process by shinyopals, which is one of the best and funniest goddamn fics I’ve ever read.

writing goals for next year: Finish Eye of the Storm without losing motivation in a motivation destroying world. Write my Modern Girl in Thedas project, if only to have a chance to drag another Dragon Age love interest within an inch of his life. Tentatively look at my original fic WIPs sidelong.

I don’t really have anyone to tag bc I don’t know many writers on tumblr! So instead I’ll just add a quick “Happy New Year!” here. And if anyone on here follows me cause they read my stuff, thank you so much!!

[nomsugayoongi]

Make up/Make Out!

Pairing: Jungkook X OC fem

Warnings: It's just smut. Pure smut. 🔞

A/N: Written and edited on a phone so please forgive any mistakes. Suggestions for more are very welcome and also thoughts. Let me know what you think.

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"Am I good to finish for the night?"

She'd been on her feet all day. As make up and hair assistant to one of the most popular groups on the planet, her job consisted of being ready at any moment, day or night, to get the guys of BTS camera ready. Today had been a particularly heavy day. Photoshoots and zoom interviews. You would have thought a global pandemic would have slowed her workload right down but apparently not. The boys were just as busy as ever, determined to remain a presence even when the world was falling apart.

"I'm not sure actually. I think one of the guys is maybe doing a live. Shouldn't take long, just a touch up. Let me go check." Another assistant hurried off, leaving her in what had been dubbed the "ready room" She sighed, sorting the array of make up products strewn on the counter into each boys respective make up bag. 7 individual colour palettes. 7 skin tones. 7 favoured brands. She'd been doing it long enough now that she didn't have to think anymore. Jimin's chapstick in one bag. Hobi's concealer in another. She was tired and frustrated. 16 months of a global lockdown meant she was now living in the guys home in the staff wing. Apart from video calls, she hadn't seen anyone and wasn't able to leave really. On the odd occasion when she did have to accompany the guys somewhere, she was subjected to regular covid tests. It was all just a little overwhelming. Like much of the planet, she was beginning to feel a little stir crazy.

The door opened and the assistant from earlier poked her head round. "Jungkook is doing a live. He's on his way down now. Can you handle it or do you want me to stay?" She could see the hopeful look in her colleagues eye that she could go for the night. Sighing inwardly, she nodded. "I'm good. Enjoy the rest of the night. I'll see you in the morning." She said, faking a smile. An immediate thankful grin was aimed in her direction before her co-worker quickly dissapeared. She sighed again, picking out Jungkooks bag and rifling though it. A V Live wasn't as intense as actual interviews. She'd maybe need to touch up his foundation and neaten his hair. With any luck she could be done in 10 minutes.

She was just about finished setting up when the door opened again. She turned with a welcoming smile but frowned a little as he walked in. His hair was wet, a towel still slung around his shoulders, face completely bare. "Have you just showered?" She muttered. He nodded, strolling over to his favourite chair and slumping in it. "Yeah. I wasn't going to bother with a live but it's been ages and I miss ARMY. Plus I feel kind of restless tonight." He explained. She nodded, a little frustrated that she'd have to entirely redo his face and hair. So much for 10 minutes. But it was her job after all. "So what are we doing?" She questioned, walking up behind him and leaning on the chair, a hand either side of his shoulders. He shrugged, looking at her through the mirror in front of him. "Whatever you want. Just make me look ok for the live." He replied. She chuckled slightly, studying him through the mirror. "You already look ok for the live. But I'll dry your hair. It's freezing in the office. Can't have you catching a cold." She smiled. He chuckled, pulling his phone out of the pocket of his baggy cargo pants and loading up a game. She smiled a little more. Typical Jungkook.

She got to work, removing the damp towel from around his shoulders, tossing it aside and reaching for the hairdryer. It didn't take long to dry. His hair was fine but he had a lot of it and luckily he didn't bleach it into the ground like some of his band mates so it was pretty healthy. Once dried, it was soft and shiny, falling prettily around his face. "Want it straightening?" She asked, digging her fingernails between the dark brown strands at the crown of his head and ruffling it slightly. His hair naturally had a slight wave to it. He had dropped his phone into his lap and his eyes were closed. He liked the slight scratch of her fingernails. It felt nice. "Hmm?" He muttered. "Oh..yeah. Straighten it." He opened his eyes with a sigh. "Are you alright?" She asked softly. "Yeah. Bit of a headache. The scratching was nice." He replied, a small smile playing around his lips. She chuckled, setting down the hairdryer and diving her fingers into his hair, raking her nails lightly across his scalp. Head massage wasn't exactly part of her job description but she had a soft spot for Jungkook. Her tummy filled with warmth as his head to lolled forward and he grumbled softly, eyes closing again. She couldn't help but smile, pressing her fingers to his temples and rubbing in slow circles. "Do you need painkillers?" She asked softly. He grumbled again but shook his head a little. "Nah. Already feels a bit better." He muttered. "Tension headache?" She questioned. "Probably." She diverted her rubbing to his hairline, digging her thumbs into the nape of his neck. His head rolled heavily against her hand, a relieved moan slipping past his parted lips. She watched him in the mirror, her stomach churning as she studied him. Reminding herself that she was working, she reluctantly dropped her hands, reaching for the straighteners. "So... we're straightning." She muttered. He cleared his throat, correcting his posture where he'd slumped down the chair. "Yeah." He nodded.

She ran the flat irons through his hair, alternating between looking at what she was doing and glancing at him through the mirror. "What are we doing with your face?" She questioned, applying a conditioning spray to his already silky soft hair, just so that the heat from the straighteners didn't make it frizzy. "Just make me look good." he said with a shrug. She grinned, picking up a clean powder brush, she spun him round to face her and booped the end of his nose with the brush. "Done" she smiled. He laughed, nose crinkling adorably. "You literally didn't do anything." She shrugged, placing the brush back on the counter. "You don't need anything doing." She said simply. He rolled his eyes, his ears turning pink. "I look like shit." He huffed. She was silent for a second, eyes flicking across his face. His hair was perfect, shiny and soft, skimming his large brown doe eyes. His nose was cute. His lips were full and though slightly chapped, kind of perfect too. Without foundation to soften his features, his jawline looked sharper. His skin was pretty good, the lack of make up making the cute moles dotted around his face clearer. The scar on his right cheek was more noticable but it gave his face character. "You really, really don't." She replied.

He shuffled shyly, fiddling with the phone abandoned on his lap. "I do. I look...plain. I can't go on camera like this." He muttered. She sighed, perching on the back of the sofa next to her. "Jungkook, you couldn't look plain if you tried. Trust me, if your ARMY see you like this they will lose their damn minds." She sighed, folding her arms across her chest. He glanced up at her, eyebrow hitching curiously. "See me like what?" He muttered. She shrugged, feeling somewhat uncomfortable at the things she didn't seem to be able to stop herself from saying. "Like...you. As you are. You've got that...thing...going on." She huffed. "What thing?" She rolled her eyes. "You know what thing. You give off heavy boyfriend energy. Especially when you look like this." She mumbled. He laughed, looking at her more intently. "Boyfriend energy?" She chuckled too, her face feeling hotter than she'd like. "Yeah. You know, that whole duality thing. It's cute. But it's sexy too." She babbled. "You think I'm sexy?" His eyebrows raised, his lips fighting a smile. "As your make up artist, I don't think anything." She chuckled. "And as you?" He questioned. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look into his pretty eyes. "As me? I think you're one of the most confusing men I've ever met." She replied. His gaze was intense, forcing her to speak even though she wasn't actually sure she wanted to. "Confusing how?" He asked quietly.

She thought for a minute then shrugged. "Confusing in the way you play absolute havok with a woman and don't even seem to notice that you're doing it. You're such a contradiction. You're sweet and cute and warm. You're...soft and cuddly. The kind of guy who you want to snuggle and play with his hair as he sleeps. But you also have the ability to absolutely blow that out of the water and turn into this whole other creature. This...sinfully hot, dripping in sex appeal, gyrating menace. And you seem to be able to flip from one to the other and back in literally seconds. You're hormonal whiplash guy. One minute you wanna cuddle him, the next you wanna fuck him senseless, then back to cuddling. Confusing. But either way, whether you're cuddle guy or sexy guy, you're compeltely disarming. Captivating even." She paused, blushing at the heated expression on his perfect face. "So...you don't have to worry about what ARMY think. However you rock up, you're good." She finished with an awkward shrug. "Anyway, if you want me to do your face properly for the camera I will." She said, standing up off the back of the sofa and heading for her make up brushes.

"Woah. Hang on a minute. You can't just say all that and then pretend you didn't. Are you attracted to me?" He asked, smirking slightly, sexy guy definitely rearing his head. She tried her damnedest not to look at him. "Umm...you're attractive, yeah." She shrugged. "That's not what I asked." He hummed. "We've been in lockdown for 16 months. Everyone's attractive right now." She joked, trying to divert the gaze currently burning a hole through her professionalism. "You keep dodging the question." He pushed. She sighed, dropping the beauty blender she was currently picking apart and turning to him. "Yeah, I'm attracted to you. A large portion of the globe is attracted to you." She shrugged. "Yeah but I wasn't asking the globe. I asked you." He replied. "Well I answered. So are we doing your make up or no? It's late." She sighed, flustered. The way he was looking at her made her squirm. Curiously, but with something darker going on behind those doe eyes. "I don't know if I'm attracted to you. I've never thought about it." He muttered. She swallowed hard, looking everywhere but at him. "I didn't ask." She shrugged. "Yeah but after what you said, I can't just ignore it." He sat back in the chair, studying her. Her stomach twisted nervously. "You're cute. Short. I like that. You have nice hair. And your eyes are really pretty." He said absently, as though not actually talk to her, just assessing. She shuffled uncomfortably, her cheeks burning. "I like you. I'm just...not good at this sort of thing. I started training for BTS when I was 15. It didn't leave me a whole lot of time or opportunity to figure out the whole dating thing." He said, a hint of shyness dripping into his voice. "Oh please, I've seen you on stage. You can flirt like a pro." She scoffed. "Flirt, yeah. When it's empty. I can do it when I know it's not going anywhere. Flirting on stage isn't real. I'm not good when it is real." He shrugged. "I dunno...maybe we should...kiss..or something." He babbled. She gawped at him stupidly. "Easiest way to figure out what's going on here." He said, another shrug indicating his nerves. She swallowed, nodding slightly. "Ok." She didn't even really think about the answer, it just fell out.

He stood, shaking his hair out if his eyes, alternating between jamming his hands in his pockets and taking them out again. He was too cute. A kind of deer in the headlights look about him. The confidence he exuded on stage was nowhere near. He looked nervous. He took a few steps, closing the gap between them. Her heart was racing. He kept his hands limply by his sides as he inched forward, his eyes closing, a slight hitch of breath as his nose bumped hers then gently he pressed his lips to hers. His lips were warm and soft with just a hint of rough where they were chapped. Her heart rate doubled pretty much instantly, even at the lingering, closed mouthed peck. They weren't even really kissing but her stomach fluttered wildly. He shuffled a little closer, catching her bottom lip then the top lip then slowly opening his mouth a little more. His hands moved, running his fingertips up her arm, to her shoulder then resting on her neck, his thumb stroking her jaw. The other hand sat comfortably on her hip, pulling her into him just a little more. She sighed against his lips, her insides going nuts as her arms snaked around his narrow waist. Cautiously, he licked at her top lip, gauging her reaction. She opened up, allowing him to slide his tongue past her lips. A quiet involuntary moan escaped her. He tasted of sweetness and biscuit and she idly wondered if he'd been eating Pocky recently. The hand sat against her hip gripped a little harder. He exhaled heavily through his nose as his tongue caressed hers. He hummed against her mouth, withdrawing his tongue but still taking her lips in deep, lingering kisses, almost like he couldn't quite force himself to stop. With a long sigh, he pulled back, just enough to seperate their lips but still close enough for his nose to nudge hers. "Ok. Yeah. Definitely feel it." He whispered. Her eyes opened, her head fuzzy as she gazed at him with a mixture of affection and desire. She didn't even notice that he was looking at her the same way. He ran his fingers through her hair, a smile breaking onto his kiss reddened lips. She giggled dopily, forehead against his, heart skipping a beat at his responding giggle.

"Don't you need to go do a live?" She grinned. He shook his head, fingers entwining with hers. "It can wait till tomorrow. I just want to keep kissing you." His lips were on hers again before she could even process his reply. She moaned softly, melting against him. He felt sturdy and warm, he smelled amazing. He tasted delicious. He was almost too good. Her head swam at the feel of his tongue in her mouth, exploring, licking and tasting, possessing. He was literally making her weak at the knees. Her grip on him tightened, clutching at his steady frame to keep herself upright, genuinely worried that the depth of his heady kiss was going to send her slithering to the floor. She was just about managing to keep a tentative grasp on her composure until his lips left hers and started fluttering along her cheek, stopping just below her ear to suck the delicate skin there. A shiver bolted down her spine, her head rolling aside to give him more access. He moaned quietly against her neck, teeth nipping her skin. She gasped, another shiver errupting through her. "Damn it Jungkook" she whispered. She didn't know what she was damning. Everything? Nothing? It just seemed to be the only words she could claw from her addled brain. He bit a little harder, instantly soothing the slight burst of pain with a slow, tender lick of his soft, warm tongue. Her fingers knotted through his hair, dragging his head back so she could attack his mouth. He groaned against her lips, pressing his hips against her. She pulled his head back, her eyes locking on his. "You need to stop. I'm too horny for this shit." She panted, kissing along his jawline. He bit his lip, hand cradling the back of her head as her lips and tongue skimmed across his throat. "I can do something about that if you want." He murmured. She moaned again, temptation burning hot at her core. "Fuck" she hissed. He pulled her back from the assault she was carrying out on his neck. "Do you have a room mate?" He asked, brown eyes smouldering. She shook her head. "Where's your room?"

She could hardly believe how her night was turning out as she tried to make it to her room with some semblance of normality. Especially with Jungkook in tow. Luckily it was late enough that nobody was still wandering around in the hallways so the fact that she looked like she was about to eat him wasn't an issue. Arriving at her room, she'd barely closed the door behind them when he was back on her, pressing her into the door, lips on hers, hands wondering to her shirt, stopping the kiss barely long enough to pull it over her head before his tongue was back in her mouth. His hands agaisnt the door, either side of her head, boxing her in as he held her still with his body. She could already feel the uncomfortable ache between her thighs, heat pooling inside her making her squirm. How the fuck could he get her so riled up just by kissing her?

His lips moved down, back to the spot on her neck he seemed to enjoy biting, his teeth nipping and sucking once again. He was going to leave a mark and she absolutely didn't care. She hoped he did. She hoped he left several. If it meant he didn't stop, she'd happily have him suck and bite his initials into her skin if he wanted. His lips travelled further down, hands lifting off the door to cup her boobs, pushing them up and groaning in his throat as he licked languidly down her cleavage. He used his thumbs to tease her bra clad nipples, nipping and sucking at the swell of her ample breasts. She pushed his hair back, staring at him opened mouth as he moved her bra aside and wrapped his lips round her nipple. She moaned softly, biting her lip. He sucked deeply, the pull travelling straight down to her pussy, causing her clit to throb needily. His fingers tugging and rolling her other nipple. She wriggled desperately against the solid wooden door. He switched sides, giving the other nipple the same attention, his mouth felt hot and wet, tongue flicking quickly then slowly, then sucking then nibbling. Each gesture making her pussy clench.

She didn't know how much more she could take. The needy ache was becoming overpowering. Luckily he seemed to sense it, his hands slipping down, flicking the button of her jeans open. He eyed her quickly, requesting permission which was granted with an almost frantic nod. He smirked, hooking his fingers into her jeans and pushing them over her hips teasingly slowly. Her underwear went with them, balling together round her ankles. She couldn't even think enough to kick them off. He stood, leaning against the door with one hand, his eyes on hers as his fingers trailed lightly across her stomach then down, grazing her inner thigh. His smirk was torturous, knowing exactly what she needed and purposefully grazing but giving no relief. "Don't be a brat." She panted. He chuckled darkly, his fingers circling her bellybutton, the tickle making her abdomen clench. "This is what I was talking about. The duality. I like you more when you're being a bunny." She hissed. He laughed again. "No you don't." He muttered, pressing a searing kiss to her lips. "You've waited 16 months. What's an extra two minutes?" He smirked, his fingers once again playing around her inner thigh. "Jungkook I swear to god, I'm just gonna do it myself in a minute." She growled. He rolled his eyes, chuckling breathlessly. "Ok ok. Jesus."

He licked his lips, his smirk faltering as his fingers grazed her slit. "Fuck, you're already wet." He moaned. "Duh, I've been wet since you kissed me in the other room." She whispered. He bit his lip, groaning deeply, his fingers pushing through her folds, finding her clit quickly and circling. The ache tightened in her belly, her knees buckling. He dipped his fingers down against her hole, smearing her own sticky liquid around his fingertips before moving back up to her clit, his index and ring fingers parting her folds while his middle finger gently rubbed her sensative bud. Her breath shuddered, eyes closing as she swallowed thickly. Her head fell back, banging against the door. She was so turned on that his touch almost burned, so sensative already. He maintained a steady pace with his fingers, dipping back down occasionally to recover them in the fluid now leaking from her hole to make the glide of his fingertips smoother. She could barely breath. The stimulation of his careful touch on her clit was almost unbearable, causing the needy ache of her pussy to increase rapidly. She needed to be stretched and filled, her thoughts lost in how his fingers would feel slipping in and out of her greedy hole. Or better yet, his hard cock. She groaned, eyes rolling back as she felt his lips back on her neck. She gripped at his hair, inhaling through clenched teeth. "Jungkook, I need you to fuck me." She whined. He moaned, biting her neck again. "I'm going to. Just not yet." He muttered. She growled pathetically, writhing against the door as he maintained the steady torture with his fingers. She couldn't keep her hands still, grabbing at his hair and his shoulder and the door frame as the pleasure built from a subtle warmth to a searing heat, creeping though her limbs and making her weak. "Fuck...I can't.." she choked, not actually knowing what the end of the statement was. Can't stand it. Can't function. Can't breath. Can't wait. The gradual build of her orgasm was now rushing towards her with alarming speed, every careful brush of his fingertips nudging her closer. "Ahhh. Jungkook...fuck" she huffed. He smirked, lifting his head from her neck to kiss her.

It didn't fit. She expected him to ravage her mouth. He didn't. He kissed her softly, his tongue dancing across her lips, barely any pressure, his free hand coming up to stroke her cheek. Emotional whiplash man in full effect. The action of his fingers was making her wild but his kiss was sweet and soothing. It felt so strange to be kissed that way while being held on the very edge of an orgasm. The way he kept the same steady pace was vicious. She wanted him to speed up, go harder, follow the flow of her building release but he didn't. The slow build drew out her pleasure, his pace maddening. A rush of heat flooded through her, stilling her lips against his mouth, making her gasp for air as every muscle in her body constricted. She could hear her own pleasured wails but they didn't sound like any kind of noise she'd ever made before. Her eyes screwed shut, back arching off the door as her orgasm hit violently, heat coursing from her core and seeping though the rest of her body. She panted helplessly, spots dancing in front of her eyes, her muscles slowly realising. When her knees went, he had an arm around her waist to hold her up. "I've got you." He whispered, kissing her jawline softly. His fingers slowed as she began to shudder, instead moving to trace light, ticklish patterns on her thigh. Her head flopped heavily against his shoulder, fingers gripping at his back like he was the only thing keeping her in one piece. She didn't even notice him moving her until she felt herself sinking heavily into her bed. He laid beside her, chin resting in his hand as he smiled, using the other hand to move her hair off her face. She was quiet for a few minutes, slowly calming her ragged breathing down, enjoying the blissful tingles fading out. When her eyes could focus enough, she looked at him and whined quietly, her heart thumping painfully. He was beyond beautiful. A shaky hand lifted to brush a few strands of dark brown hair away from his pretty eyes. "Wow" she whispered. He chuckled, staring back at her. "You can sleep if you want to. I don't mind." He said softly, noticing her still dozy expression. She shook her head. "Don't wanna sleep. Just need a minute." She muttered. "Kiss me."

He did so immediately. She felt liked she'd kissed him so much yet it wasn't even nearly enough. He was the kind of guy you could lose hours of every day just attached to his face. It was something she would never tire of. Her fingers ran through his hair, sighing against his perfect lips. In her post orgasm haze, she just felt soft for him. Everything about him was so enticing, the pull of him overwhelming. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. She gripped him tighter than she needed to, suddenly afraid of what would happen when the night was over. He broke the kiss, frowning at her slightly. "What's wrong?" He whispered, fingers trailing across her swollen lips. She kissed his fingertips, holding onto his wrist as she looked at him. "I just...don't want this to end." She muttered. He smiled, rolling his eyes at her. "It doesn't have to." He said simply. She relaxed a little, returning his smile, then pulling him in for yet more kissing.

The kiss became heated pretty quickly. She'd already had an orgasm but he hadn't. He nipped at her bottom lip, hands roaming all over her. He was pretty notorious for his lack of patience and while he had decidedly more restraint in the bedroom, he wasn't a saint. He'd been hard the entire time he'd been fingering her and while he did get off on watching her pleasure, he was beginning to feel needy. He pushed his hips into her thigh, searching for some friction. She pulled away from his lips with a sullen pout. "Why do you still have so many clothes on?" She whined. He chuckled, pushing himself up into a sitting position and shrugging. "Because you haven't taken them off yet." He replied. She sat too, batting her eyelashes and kissing the end of his nose. "Well that's pretty shitty of me. I'm sorry." She joked, pulling his shirt over his head. She'd wanted to be cute and playful but Jungkook without clothes was no joke. She groaned, eyes lingering on his sculpted chest and tight abs. "Jesusfuck" she muttered, broad shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist, the dark ink circling his right arm contrasted strongly against his skin. She bit her lip, oogling him shamelessly.He chuckled, feeling a little bashful. She trailed her fingertips down his chest, her lip caught between her teeth as they skimmed past his belly button and down to the waistband of his cargo pants. With a flick, the button popped open and he lifted his ass to help her pull them off. She'd barely got them to his thighs when she let out another groan. He was hard. His cock straining against his black boxers, a wet spot at the head where pre-cum had soaked through the material. She abandoned her mission to remove his pants, feeling strangely compelled, almost like she had no control as she leant forward, peeling the tight band of his underwear back just enough to lick the head of his cock. He let out a soft yelp, obviously not expecting the sudden jolt of pleasure. "Shit" he whispered, his hands scooping her hair back from her face as he straightened out his legs and lifted his hips. His boxers were pushed down enough to free him from them. She moaned quietly, her tongue gliding from the base of his dick to the head, following the thick vein that spanned his length. "Fuck sake. Even your cock is pretty." She said huskily, illiciting a moan from him. Her fingers wrapped around his shaft, steering the head towards her lips. He watched, entranced as she slowly swirled her tongue over the head, gathering the sticky pre-cum then retreating back into her mouth, grumbling softly with closed eyes as she tasted him. When her eyes opened and fixed on his, his cock throbbed in her hand. With her hair falling around her face, her darkened, swollen lips parted, her eyes glassy, pupils blown, she looked hungry, lowering herself back down to lick the end of his cock again. He hissed, hands gripping tighter in her hair. "I want to fuck your mouth." He panted. She groaned, dropping his cock, it smacked against his belly as he kicked off his cargo pants furiously.

Once off, she threw a leg over his hips sitting across him as her hands tangled in his hair she she caught his lips in a fierce kiss. He groaned into her mouth, he could feel the heat of her wet pussy against his shaft. It took everything he had not to adjust the angle slightly and slide into her. He wanted to desperately but he also wanted to draw the night out as much as he could. He wanted her cock drunk and helpless by the time he'd finished. He could feel her wriggling, trying to rub herself against his cock as she kissed him. He moaned, shifting his position slightly so that his cock slid between her folds, gently rocking so that the head grazed her clit. She whined, breaking the kiss, her head flopping agaisnt his shoulder as she bucked against him. "Fuck me." She whimpered. He smirked, catching her earlobe between his teeth and nibbling softly. "Uh uh" he teased, still undulating his hips to rub his shaft against her clit. "Need you to help me first." He forced her head up, nipping her bottom lip between his thumb and index finger. "Need to fuck this pretty little mouth." He grunted. She moaned, nodding. He smirked, guiding her off him. She slid off the bed, falling to her knees and opening her mouth expectantly. He scrambled over, threading his fingers through her hair as he gripped his throbbing dick and guided it past her lips. He felt her warm, wet mouth engulf him and shuddered, his head falling back, his hips beginning to move slowly, thrusting his cock in and out of her soft mouth. She placed her hands on his muscular thighs, watching his face crease in pleasure as she let him literally fuck her mouth. Her tongue slithered all over his thrusting cock, her mouth filling with saliva as the head hit the back of her throat and she tried to swallow the urge to gag. She stayed still, feeling the needy ache between her thighs grow almost out of control as he used her mouth. His hands tugged at her hair, controlling her movement, sinking his cock deeper and deeper into her throat. Her eyes started to water, gasping for air between his thrusts as he lost himself. His moans initially breathy and quiet were getting louder and higher in pitch. His slow, methodical thrusts were getting quicker, more desperate as he babbled words of praise between moans. "Fuck. So good. Just like that. Yes. Yes." She felt his thighs tense, his muscles rigid. "Fuck, gonna cum. Don't wanna stop. Don't wanna stop." He whined. She moved one hand from his thigh, cupping his balls and squeezing softly. He mewled in surprise and suddenly she felt the spurts of hot cum fill her mouth. He shuddered viciously, hands pulling her hair painfully but unable to relax his clenched fists. She continued to gently run her tongue across the head of his dick, feeling it pulse and twitch as he emptied in her throat. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He whimpered, his grip loosening. He'd barely stopped cumming when he untangled his hands and dropped down to his knees in front of her. "Are you alright?" He asked between gasps of air. She swallowed the mouthful he'd just given her and smiled. He'd literally just cum and his first action was to check on her. "I'm fine" she whispered, pulling his head against her shoulder where he crumpled pathetically, still panting and whining softly at the aftershocks of pleasure running though him. She ran her fingers through his hair, smiling. He was sweaty and the perfectly straightened hair she'd given him was now wavy and damp.

He allowed himself a few minutes to recover, his legs shaky and his lungs burning for air as the warm, tingly satisfying feeling of his orgasm flooded through him and gently eased. He liked the calming touch of her fingers in his hair and the cool feel of her skin against his burning flesh. He felt her pressing kisses to his shoulder and smiled, lifting his head to meet her eyes. "That was....so good." He chuckled. She grinned proudly. "Sorry I didn't warn you...or pull out. I wouldn't usually just cum in your mouth without asking but...fuck, I thought I could hold on a bit longer." He smiled. She giggled, shaking her head. "It's ok. I wanted you to." She grinned. "It was really hot. I really like doing that to you." She admitted. He grinned, curling a strand of her hair around his fingers. "You can do that to me whenever the fuck you want to." He laughed. "Don't tell me that. You'll spend your entire life with your dick in my mouth." She grinned. "Sounds good to me." He shrugged. They both laughed. He stood, offering his hand to pull her up too. He kissed her, standing at the end of the bed, naked bodies pressed together as his hands wandered up and down her back. He could taste himself of her lips and though the thought of it would usually make him feel kind of weird, he just found it incredibly hot. "You taste like my cum" he whispered against her lips, tongue delving deeper into her mouth. She moaned against his lips. "Are you trying to kill me?" She breathed. He chuckled, pushing her back gently until she collided with the bed and fell backwards onto it. "Maybe" he shrugged, crawling into the bed between her legs. She gasped, shuffling backwards. "What you doing?" She muttered. He pushed her legs apart, biting his lip as he looked unabashedly at her glistening pussy. "Hungry." He grunted, dropping down onto his elbows and kissing her thigh. "You're going to kill me." She hissed, watching him kiss closer to her throbbing core. "Shhh. I'm busy." He muttered, teasingly running his tongue along the crease where her leg met her groin. Her breath caught in her throat. Just the sight of his head between her legs had her pussy contracting.

"Jungkook, I..." He stopped her, mid sentence by swiping his tongue through her folds. "Oh my god." She panted. He smirked, another long lick from hole to clit, groaning as the taste of her tingled on his tongue. "Fuck. You taste so good." He murmured. He curled his arms around her thighs, spreading her legs further so that her pussy was open and on display. A groan rattled in his throat, his teeth clamping down on his bottom lip before he leant forward and flicked his tongue against her leaking hole, feeling the ring of muscle contract wildly, trying to draw something inside. "You need a cock in you, huh?" He muttered, talking to her pussy. He flicked his tongue once more watching the muscles contract again. "I know you're needy. Just wait a little longer. I need to make her cum again and then I'm all yours. Promise." He whispered.

She watched in amazement. He was nestled comfortably between her parted legs, talking to her vagina like it was a separate entity. She knew Jungkook had a habit of talking to inanimate objects, she'd seen him apologise to chairs when he'd walked into them and ask his food if it was cool enough to eat yet but she'd never imagined in a billion years that that extended to pussy too. When he spoke to chairs, it was adorable. When he spoke to her pussy, it was mind meltingly sexy. She kind of wanted to sit there, third wheeling while he had a whole ass conversation with it. Another flick of his tongue broke her thought then as his tongue fluttered up to her clit, her mind went completely blank. He ate pussy the way he ate noodles, slurping, sucking, lips and tongue. Repeat until insane. He didn't seem to care about the sloppy sounds or lip smacking. He was a noisy eater and she fucking loved it. He dived in enthusiastically and for a woman, there was nothing sexier than a guy who ate pussy because he loved it, not because he felt he had to. He groaned happily, his tongue everywhere, lips closing around her clit, sucking and licking her most sensitive spot until he had to tighten his grip on her thighs to keep her still. Her orgasm built quickly, her hips writhing as she clawed at the sheets beneith her, legs kicking involuntarily under his vice like grip. He moaned, forcing her legs up, his hands behind her knees as he hovered over her, head moving as he made out with her clit like it was her mouth. He didn't stop as her orgasm hit, sucking and licking at her pussy until she was convulsing, her cries somewhere between pleasure and distress. "AHHHH JUNGKOOK, PLEASE" she wailed. "Want me to stop?" He panted quickly, his tongue swirling against her overly sensative clit once again. "YES. NO. I DON'T KNOW" she squealed. It felt too intense. Almost painful. But so good. Unlike anything she'd ever felt before. Her past experiences had all ended as soon as she'd cum but apparently that didn't necessarily mean the end to Jungkook. She crushed the pillow to her face, barely muffling the strangled moans escaping her. "Oh fuck. I'm gonna cum again." She cried. This pleasure was different. Sharper. Her muscles burned, being tensed for too long but unable to relax under his persistent tongue. Her mouth dropped open in a silent scream, her vision went blank, her skin felt on fire and then the raging, hot, sharp pleasure eased. Her muscles slowly unwound and she practically melted into the bed. He was beside her without her even noticing him move. Gentle kisses peppered her face and he moved her sweaty hair back. "Just breath babygirl" he cooed. "Are you alright? Too much?" He whispered. She shook her head, grabbing for his hand and clutching it as her senses returned. "Need you in me." She growled, throwing the pillow aside.

Something about her last orgasm had snapped her resolve and even though the pleasent tingles still washed through her, she couldn't think of anything other than how empty she felt. She'd been craving his cock inside her since they'd kissed against the door and that was hours ago. She couldn't stand another minute of teasing and Jungkooks cocky smirk wasn't helping her any. "Ooh. I really drove you crazy." He teased. "Remind me to do that again..." He kissed her, his tongue teasing her lips and leaving the taste of herself behind, "..and again" He nibbled her bottom lip softly, "...and again!" He whispered. She glared at him as he smiled widely, his nose crinkling. "Don't bunny smile at me." She hissed. He laughed, trailing his fingers across her stomach. "I thought you liked the duality thing. That's what you said earlier." He grinned. "I do...but can you save the bunny bit until after you've fucked me." She whined. He laughed harder. "If you wanna fuck, I'm not stopping you." He shrugged. She eyed him for a second then pushed him onto his back, throwing her leg over his hips. He hummed appreciatively, biting his lip as his eyes roamed slowly down her body, taking his hard cock in his hand and rubbing it against her pussy. "Y'know, I've just had an orgasm. My legs are still wobbly. If you were a gentleman you'd do the work." She smirked, grinding against his cock. He laughed, raising an eyebrow. "Oh is that right?"

He sat up suddenly, sending her flying backwards, she screeched and giggled, grabbing onto his arms as he flipped them so that he was on top of her. He took her hands, pinning them either side of her head. "I was letting you take control cause you said you wanted to fuck. But now..." He paused, kissing her, groaning into her mouth as his tongue slid against hers. "...I'm in control...and I don't wanna fuck. I'm gonna go nice...and slow." He grinned as she started to protest, taking his dick in his hand and rubbing the end against her hole, chuckling as her words stopped instantly. "Yeah, thought that'd shut you up." He lined up, pushing forward, his eyes fluttering as he felt the soft slick heat stretch and swallow the tip. She tried to raise her hips but he pinned them down with a smirk, kissing her softly before resting his forehead against hers. "No baby. Slowly." He breathed, pushing forward a little more. He savoured the feeling of her tight, hot pussy accepting him inch by inch until his hips were flush against hers. He exhaled heavily, his eyes closing as he pressed his lips to hers hungrily. "Wrap your legs around me" he whispered, looking into her lust filled eyes. With her hips lifted, it changed the angle allow him even deeper. "Oh fuck" she grunted, her hands clenched against his shoulders. "Too deep?" He muttered. She shook her head. She felt stretched and filled completely. He was deep enough to make her toes curl. He withdrew just as slowly, whining, his mouth falling open and his brow creasing. "Oh shit." He groaned. He'd wanted to go slow. To tease her until she couldn't stand it anymore but he was the one who gave in first. She was hot and tight and velvety soft. His stomach tightened, his hips moving faster automatically. He kissed her desperately, moans mingling together along with their tongues. Every time he started to pull out, her walls clamped around him, holding and squeezing his throbbing cock. He could barely form a thought, feverishly driving his cock into her over and over as she moaned beneath him. He could feel her getting tighter and wetter. He forced his eyes open. "Look at me" he panted. Her eyes opened, glassy and unfocused. He moaned deeply, the pleasured expression etched on his face along with the sounds he was making only pushed her closer to release. He looked and sounded so fucking sexy, the perfect drag of his thick, hot cock, so hard, so deep, she'd never felt anything like it. She felt like everything about him was designed to please. "Jungkook..." she purred, her hips rolling and bucking in rhythm with his. "Fuck. I'm so close." He moaned. She bit her lip. His golden skin gleamed as sweat began to roll down his neck and onto his chest. Her back arched, the steady thrust of his cock pounding into her driving her closer and closer. She gripped his back, her nails clenching. He felt the bite of pain and hissed, thrusting harder. "Let go baby. Let me see you come undone one more time." He growled. It was like she didn't have a choice, her body simply obeying, her orgasm shattering through her. He felt it, the hard clench of her walls followed by the rapid pulsing, milking his cock, pulling his cum from him. His steady rhythm faltered, his head dropping onto her shoulder as he fucked through the pleasure, his cum spilling deep inside her making his thrusting sloppier. He was still twitching as his arms gave out and he flopped heavily down on top of her, gasping for air, his head swimming and buzzing. He could feel her hot, ragged breath against his ear. He wanted to move off of her, check she was ok, do something but he couldn't move. He felt heavy, his mind cloudy. He just about managed to throw his leg over her hips and slither beside her, dozily pulling her into his arms as he pressed soft, breathless kisses to her forehead. "Roll" he mumbled, tapping her hip. She forced herself onto her side, grumbling contentedly as he curled up behind her, spooning her. "I think I'm gonna pass out." She whispered, giggling weakly. He chuckled, his own eyes heavy, the urge to sleep clawing

at him insistently. "Sleep. I'm not going anywhere." He muttered.

[a-singleboat]

Heather

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: literally, please do not hate me for this, i just wanted to write domestic dream x reader

Warnings: I think a swear, there’s also a kiss that gets a lil steamy

If there was one good thing about a global pandemic, it was that it meant you got to spend more time at home and less time actually working. Of course, as an educator, you had to still work but at least you got to do it from the comfort of your own desk. The office space was one that you shared with your boyfriend, which wasn’t an issue most of the time. 

But if there was one bad thing about a global pandemic, it was that you had to stay home. While your boyfriend was content to stay at home, you were not. Your need to be out and about had you on daily walks nearly every day but as your self-imposed quarantine grew longer, you found yourself opting to stay home. 

Though, today was different. Today, you had taken it upon yourself to go out and get the groceries while Clay stayed home to work. And by work, you meant to stream a video that most likely would be extremely loud and distracting and you really couldn’t bring yourself to do any work while that went down. 

So there you were, an hour later, arriving back at the home that you and Clay had bought together not too long ago. You’d gotten more than you anticipated to get, finding that it had taken you several trips in between your shopping cart and the trunk of your car to load everything in. You checked your watch. Clay had been streaming for about half an hour before you left and from what you knew, most of his streams didn’t usually last more than two hours. 

You called his phone, juggling the milk in one hand and a reusable bag in the other. Your own phone was pressed between your ear and your shoulder as you used your pinky to open up the door connecting the garage to the house. He picked up a moment later. 

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked. You could hear the sounds of his keyboard clicking in the background, a pang of guilt running through you as you realized that he was most likely still streaming. 

“Nevermind,” you were quick to say, setting the milk jug on the counter. “You’re still streaming, just wanted to know if you were done and could help bring in the groceries but I can do it.” 

“No, just give me a moment,” Clay said, shifting his focus from you to his stream. “Guys, I gotta go help my girlfriend really quick. Uh, George and Sapnap, entertain the stream for a quick moment.”

You heard him take his headphones off and get out of his chair before the office door opened upstairs. You hung up the phone, grinning as he slid around the corner with a smile on his face. 

“Hi, baby,” you greeted him, kissing his cheek when he walked over to you. He blushed, peppering your face in kisses in order to hide his embarrassment. “How’s the stream going so far?” 

“Terribly,” Clay groaned, rubbing his upper arm. He had told you that he was doing a stream involving a shock collar but you weren’t expecting him to do it today. “But maybe if you sat in the office and watched while I streamed, it wouldn’t be as bad.”

You scoffed, pushing him away from you. You took up the milk jug, opening the fridge and sliding it into its place. “Or, you can go get the rest of the groceries from the car and then maybe I’ll consider it. I still have to grade my papers, too, bubs.” 

“I think the high schoolers can wait a little longer for their grades, babe,” he deadpanned. You looked over at him, laughing when you saw his pouted lip. He’d switched tactics by then, trying to get you to do what he wanted by attempting to look as utterly adorable as possible. It was endearing, that much was true. 

“I’ll stay in the room instead of doing my work out here while you stream, how about that?” You asked, starting to unpack the groceries. He immediately perked up, nodding rapidly in agreement with the compromise you offered. You rolled your eyes playfully. “Now go get the bags from the car. You’ve got people waiting on you.” 

His eyes widened as he realized that he had abandoned his audience of nearly a million viewers. He ran out to the car and grabbed the groceries in record time, coming back and setting them on the counter before giving you a quick kiss on the lips and yelling, “I love you!” as he disappeared back up the stairs and into the office.

You took your time putting the rest of the groceries away, listening to the faint sounds of Clay in pain for about ten minutes before ultimately deciding that you should make good on your promise. 

You entered the room, closing the door behind you before grabbing your laptop and wheeling your chair over next to his. You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before settling in next to him. It was mostly peaceful, Clay trying to hold in his screams as to not startle you each time he got shocked. At one point, he had decided to take a break to try and calm down. You took his hand in yours, rubbing soothing circles into the space between his thumb and his index finger. 

“You okay?” you asked, looking up at him in concern. You had finished grading maybe a third of your papers, having been distracted by the gameplay for longer than you cared to admit. 

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, wincing as he realized his mistake. He pushed the headset off his ears, yelling into his mic for George and Sapnap to shut up before putting it back on. You couldn’t hear what his friends were saying but you could read the chat that was displayed on his second monitor, his viewers going insane as they asked who he was talking to. 

He muted his mic as quick as he could, looking over to you with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, babe. I completely forgot I had my mic on.” 

“It’s okay,” you reassured him, still rubbing circles into his hand. “We’ve been together, what, five years? They would have found out sooner or later.”

“But your job…” he looked at you. 

“They don’t need to know my real name,” you giggled. “They’ll most likely end up calling me ‘Dream’s Girlfriend,’ or something. Like how they call your mom ‘Dream’s Mom,’ and Tommy’s ‘Motherinnit’.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Talk about me all you want,” you assured him. “But just don’t say that I’m a bitch and that you don’t like me.”

“The bar is so much lower than I ever imagined,” he quoted back at you, laughing slightly as he turned his mic back on. You figured you wouldn’t be getting any more work done that night so you opted to close your laptop. You scooted in closer to him, steering clear of the shock collar on his arm.

“Hey, guys,” he talked to his chat. “Sorry I keep disappearing on you guys. Uhm, I guess we can take this moment to have a chat? I kind of want a break from getting shocked a thousand times over.” 

He disconnected his headphones so you could hear the conversation going on between him and his friends as well. Immediately, the familiar voices of George and Sapnap flooded the room, both yelling about how Clay had never told them about you before. 

You leaned in closer to the mic, looking back at Clay and laughing for a bit before speaking up. “Hi, guys!” you said. “I’m, uh, Dream’s Girlfriend, I suppose.”

“‘I suppose,’” Sapnap chortled as he repeated your words. You flushed, realizing your most likely poor choice of words. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Be nice, Sapnap,” George scolded the younger man. You couldn’t help but laugh. “She’s probably nervous or something.”

“I am very nervous,” you giggled. You felt Clay’s hand grab yours, squeezing slightly as a bit of encouragement. “Uh, someone in the chat asked how long Dream and I have been dating… It’s been a little over five years now. We celebrated our anniversary back in July, actually.”

“Best five years of my life,” Clay added, reaching out to tickle your sides. You shrieked, squirming away from his hands. 

“Baby, no!” you yelled, gasping in surprise as you fell over into his lap. He pulled you in close, settling you on his lap as he read the chat over your shoulder. 

“What’s her name?” he read. “Her name is Dream’s Girlfriend. When did we meet? We met while I was still in school, actually. We were friends for, I think, two years before I asked her out.” 

You nodded along. “Yeah, two years sounds about right. Also, I distinctly remember it being me to ask you out, not the other way around.” You brought your watch up to your face, noticing the time. “But I digress. I have to go make dinner so you should hurry up and beat Minecraft so we can eat together.”

“What are you making?”

“I’m thinking ziti,” you teased, getting up off his lap. You gave him a quick kiss before leaving him to his stream. You grabbed your phone off your desk before heading downstairs, opening Twitter as you went. 

See, that was the thing about total anonymity. You could have a stan Twitter account, decorated by Clay himself, to keep up to date with everything going on in his life. While he asked about your day, you could take your lunch break to catch up on the latest Twitter events. 

Today, as expected, the latest Twitter event was you. People were going crazy, tweeting about Dream’s Girlfriend and speculating on who it could be. You liked a few tweets, laughing at the ones that didn’t make sense as the pasta boiled. A few mutuals, people you had actually become close friends with, were messaging you like crazy, all shouting about, well, you. 

I wish I were Heather, your friend typed out, sending the audio clip from the five minutes you’d talked during. You got a good laugh out of that, reacting to her message with the laughing emoji. You finished making dinner, occasionally responding to the group chat as you did. About thirty minutes after you’d left Clay, you finally heard him wrapping up the stream, thanking his viewers before signing off. 

“I’m gonna head to dinner now,” you heard him say to his friends. You didn’t hear their response but you heard Clay’s, which was, “Yeah, I know.”

He came bounding down the steps about ten minutes later, stretching his arms over his head as he yawned. He rubbed his arm a few times, wincing as he felt the aftershocks from the shock collar. 

“Do you want to take a bath tonight?” you suggested, plating the pasta for him. He entered the kitchen, wrapping his arms around your midsection as you finished pouring the pesto sauce on his plate. He pressed feather-light kisses into your neck, tickling you with the facial hair he had grown over the past couple of weeks. 

“And maybe I’ll shave,” he contemplated, tickling you further. You giggled, reaching a hand up to scratch his growing beard.

“I like it though,” you admitted. “Makes you seem older, more refined.”

“But you won’t let me do… things when I have a beard.”

“Because when you do things with a beard, it causes, like, carpet burn.”

He hummed. “I’m going to shave.” 

“You should check Twitter, by the way,” you mentioned nonchalantly. “Your stans are having a meltdown.” 

He pulled out his phone, holding it in front of you as he opened the app. Immediately, his feed refreshed and there was nothing but mentions of Dream and his mysterious girlfriend. One tweet caught your eye, reading, I don’t think that Dream actually has a girlfriend and it’s just Sapnap with a voice filter on. 

You both laughed at that one, taking his phone so that you could like it and respond, You got me, with the laughing emoji after. “That’s just going to confuse them more,” he said, shutting his phone off. “But enough about that, dinner looks amazing.”

“Made with love,” you cooed, turning in his arms to give him a kiss. He moved the two of you to the side, pressing you against the counter instead of the stove. Your arms made their way around his neck, twisting into the base of his dirty blonde hair and pulling hard enough to pull a soft moan from his lips. 

He was the first to pull away, his need for air outweighing his want to continue kissing you. You continued to kiss down his neck, giggling when he groaned in reaction to you sucking a hickey into his sweet spot. 

“I love you,” he said, once you’d finally separated. “And I know that everyone is excited that I have a girlfriend now, but if you start seeing hate, please tell me. I don’t want you to have to go through that alone.”

“I love you, too,” you sighed, tracing shapes into his chest. “And I’m a big girl, Clay. I’m sure I can handle a few trolls on my own.”

He put his hand under your chin, gently guiding your eyes up to meet his. “I know you can handle yourself, but you shouldn’t have to. Promise me you’ll tell me.”

It was cute, how overprotective over you he was. He looked at you with concern, looking to be debating between sending a tweet to his fans to be respectful and making a video and posting it. Most of his fandom was respectful, though there were a few people that went out of their way to send hate. 

You sighed, lowering your shoulders and settling into his chest. He rested his chin on the top of your head as you muttered a quiet promise to him. You knew that Clay just wanted to keep you safe, which was part of the reason as to why you gave in so easily. He only had your best interests at heart and you knew that. 

“You’re the most important person to me, I hope you know that.”

“I do,” you said softly. “And you’re the most important to me. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

TAGLIST

Permanent

@beautiful-holland​ @toms-order​ @starlightfound​ @grandmascottlang​ @positiveparker​ @bippity-boppity-boopa​ @caswinchester2000​ @andreasworlsboring101 @imladylunaticbitch​ @paige0103​

[walriding]

      five years ago today I made my first post on this blog. technically the blog is older than that -- originally it was gonna be for the angel Gabriel from supernatural, but for whatever reason I set aside a url and did some basic work and then just. never started writing. I’d been doing tumblr rp across various fandoms since like 2012, and I was writing on warrior cats forums before that (and yeah if you ever wondered why I go by moss it’s because my first warrior cat oc was named mosspath and it just stuck lol). I bounced around a lot, never really stuck with a blog for more than six months to a year. before Miles I was writing Poe Dameron, but the corner of the SW fandom I inhabited kinda fizzled a couple months after TFA, and I drifted off eventually too. but I had so many gd icons. I wanted a new blog -- hence the Gabriel thought -- and around the same time one of my mutuals on my personal blog was posting about Outlast again. I vaguely remembered watching let’s plays of it previously, but their postings got me to look into it again. they mostly talked about whistleblower so I got into that first, then went back and watched stuff about the first game. then I bought it on steam for myself.

      I converted this blog for a Miles muse before I’d finished playing it. I was only four chapters in when I started writing, and finished the game like two weeks after kicking off the blog (thanks for the timestamps steam achievements lol). and Oscar Isaac was my faceclaim of choice just because of the aforementioned backlog of Poe icons, and now I literally cannot see Miles any other way.

      a lot has happened in five years. I graduated college, moved to Florida twice -- once to work my literal dream job at Disney, got my first real big girl career job, moved into my first real apartment, adopted a cat, lived through a year and a half of a global fucking pandemic. it’s been A Lot. writing isn’t always easy, doesn’t always come natural. there are days, sometimes weeks when this blog has been a source of stress, but other than a few hiatuses I’ve been here pretty consistently for these five years. and in the grand scheme of things, that’s so completely eclipsed by all of the good my time here has brought me. I’ve met some amazing people, people who have been a joy to know beyond just our muses and who I’m lucky to count as some of my closest friends. friends who have taught me things about myself, have made me grow and change and become the person that I am now. and if that sounds overblown and sappy that’s fine and I don’t care because it’s true. I sure as hell wasn’t done growing up at 18, and there have been so many aspects of my life from 20 to 25 that have been shaped by connections that I’ve made here that I really do feel like I have grown up on this blog, and I wouldn’t change that for the world because all of it has made me me.

      I know it’s cliched and kinda outdated to talk about your muse like they’re a separate person, but Miles has been such a constant in my life for so long now it’s hard not to think of him like his own presence. writing him has been fun and angsty and exciting and challenging, and I’ve loved being able to develop his character for five goddamn years. I love him as a muse -- both a source and an outlet for my creativity (when it strikes) -- and writing him really has been a journey. he’s special to me in a way that no other character has been, and probably never will be. 

      so thank you to everyone who’s been here for any span of the last half a decade, who’s let me rant and ramble my way through all manner of plot / character related bullshit. you guys mean more to me than I can express. you’ve helped Miles develop, and in a lot of ways you’ve helped me develop too. and who doesn’t love some good character growth? 

[kaimelia]

write one of Mother’s Day please

Mother’s Day

a/n: i hope you enjoy this, thank you for the prompt and to everyone who likes and reads my fics!

----------------------------

She woke up to a kiss on her cheek, quickly rolling over to bury her face in the pillow. “Mm, ten more minutes, I’m exhausted,” she groaned, closing her eyes again.

“Okay, but when you’re ready, the kids made breakfast for you,” Link whispered, running a hand through her tangled hair. Amelia sat up quickly.

“What, why?”

“It’s mother’s day!” She raised her eyebrows at him. “They wanted to do something for you since they can’t see Mer.” The neurosurgeon rubbed her eye while yawning.

“Give me a minute to wake up. I’ll come downstairs.”

“Are you okay? You seem upset.”

“It’s a stupid holiday,” Amelia muttered, lifting the comforter off of her legs. “I’m not even their Mom. I’m their aunt.”

“I know, but you’ve been like a Mom to them through this pandemic, Amelia. They just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve done for them.” She stood up from the bed, moving over to the dresser and pulling on a shirt. “We both know that a mother isn’t always your birth mother.”

“You say that like I’ve replaced Meredith. I’m not their Mom. Their Mom is in the hospital.”

“You know what I mean.” She pulled up her leggings before turning to face him. “Look, I’ll tell them not to do anything else. But just try to be happy. They were really excited to make you breakfast.” Link stood up from the bed and walked through the door as Amelia trailed behind him. They were met with a chorus of “Happy mother’s day!” when they stepped into the kitchen. Amelia smiled widely and held out her arms to hug her nieces and nephew.

“Thank you, guys. I love it!” She rustled Bailey’s hair and turned back to face her boyfriend, a fake smile spread across her face, out of kids’ view. He motioned towards the kitchen table, a plate of waffles and various fruits placed on top. “Alright, but you all have to help me eat all of this.”

----------------------------

Link stepped into the nursery and leaned against the doorframe, watching as Amelia rocked back and forth in the rocking chair with Scout in her arms. She glanced up at him. “He won’t fall asleep, I think he just wants some attention.” He crossed his arms against his chest.

“My Mom wants us to call them some time, so she can see Scout and say happy mother’s day to you. Unless you hate this day too much.”

“I don’t hate mother’s day, I just don’t want to feel like I’m replacing Meredith. I’m worried that the kids think Meredith is gone.” Link sat down on the ottoman in front of her and placed a hand on her knee.

“They know she’s in the hospital and we facetime with her almost every day,” he mumbled, watching their son’s eyes wander between his parents. “You’re just the one who’s been taking care of them for the past month, and they wanted to say thank you.”

“Can you imagine if you didn’t see your Mom for a whole month when you were little? They’ve had people in their lives die before, they’re not very naive. We can tell them that she’s gonna get better and that everything’s going to be okay as much as we want, we can’t make them believe it.”

“Is this about you or them?” Amelia’s eyes narrowed at his statement. “Bailey and Ellis are more positive about all of this than I am, it’s honestly a little bit scary how happy they are. Zola isn’t nearly as positive but I still haven’t heard her express anything like what you’re worried about.”

“It just makes me think, what happens if I’m not here when Scout grows up? If something happens to me.” Link looked up at her, meeting her eyes as she paused. There’d been many nights where she confided in him, whispering about nightmares and the terrible thoughts that filled her head. All those past moments had been about something happening to him, Scout, or someone they were close to. He felt as if for the first time, he had nothing to say, nothing to comfort her.

“Amelia,” he began, sitting up.

“I’m serious, Link. I’m afraid of losing you and Scout, but I’m also terrified of being gone and missing out on everything in your lives. That I’ll be laying in a hospital bed missing Scout’s childhood.”

“I can’t promise nothing’s going to happen. We’re literally living during a global pandemic, and I never could have imagined that our lives would look like this. All I know is that I’m here now, you’re here, Scout’s finally falling asleep,” her frown cracked as the corners of her mouth rose slightly, “and that I can only focus on now. I know that Meredith’s not getting better, but that doesn’t mean that she won’t. We know more about this virus than we did before, they’re even starting on a vaccine.”

“I know, but it’s still scary. Meredith could die.”

“That’s why I’m choosing to focus on now, what I know is true. And I know that isn’t what you always do, but, having this one day where we get to say thank you for everything that you’re doing helps me to think about all the happy things. I wish you had seen how excited the kids were this morning because they love you and wanted to do something special.” She glanced down at the baby lying in her arms, whose eyes had closed and his head resting against her torso.

“I never thought I could love a human being so much, I’m so terrified of losing him. I can’t imagine what Meredith feels like right now. So, celebrating mother’s day without Meredith feels wrong.” Amelia paused for a moment before standing up and carefully lowering the baby into his crib. She clicked on the white noise machine that helped him sleep and turned back to her boyfriend. “I’m sorry for ruining the day with my mood.” He gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Hey, we can always just have a re-mother’s day, just like my re-birthday.” She groaned silently.

“Okay, now you’re just being mean.”

[zackcollins]

we don’t walk this road alone ch. 3 || pierre-luc dubois

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || masterlist

Author’s Note: Hello! I’ve finished chapter 3! Though, you won’t be seeing it until 8:00am EST on the 18th. Screw it. I had to come back in and do some editing (adding italics because it didn’t transfer over when I pasted it from the Google Doc), so you can have it now, at 13:43 EST on the 17th. Hope you enjoy! GIF credit to phillymyers!

Warnings: There’s a mention of two of PLD’s teammates being Trump supporters. I mentioned one of them by name (I won’t say which one because I don’t want to spoil anything) because it helps with the plot just a little bit. Hope that’s okay. There’s also still that imminent pandemic setting, so be aware of that. I do mention one or two other things about Trump in here too because they’re finally getting ready for the protest. I also included like. One or two swear words again.

Word Count: 1.3k+

Title: We Don’t Walk This Road Alone by Chad Brownlee

Additional: The reader is still gender-neutral, as far as I can tell. If I accidentally gendered them and didn’t realize, let me know and I’ll either fix it to still be neutral or just change this note to reflect what gender I wrote them as. I still hope you guys enjoy this! I’m having so much fun writing this so I hope you guys are having fun reading it.

You both stood there in silence. Pierre-Luc sniffled a couple of more times to clear the snot from his nasal passage. You felt your body recoil slightly; you never did like how disgusting it sounded.

Pierre-Luc sighing heavily drew your attention back to him. When your eyes met, his had somewhat returned to normal. They weren’t nearly as puffy, red, or glossy. You gave a weak smile, though you let it fall from your face a moment later when you realized you would be the only one that would know you were smiling.

“Let’s just—“ 

You were fairly certain you knew where Pierre-Luc was going with that sentence so you interjected.

“No, I don’t want to,” you said. 

Pierre-Luc stepped back and raised his eyebrows, his hands up in surrender. You swallowed, feeling somewhat guilty. You had met him no more than forty-five minutes ago and here you were implying that he spill his guts about why he was sad. Had you overstepped?

“Sorry… I…” you rubbed the back of your neck, stepping back. You wanted to distance yourself because you felt terrible about this. “I… I didn’t mean to encroach on you. If you want to forget, we can. I don’t need to know that badly.”

Pierre-Luc shook his head, dropping his hands to his sides.

“No, no,” he said, voice somewhat surprised. “I’ll gladly tell you. I was just surprised because nobody has cared enough up to this point to want to know what’s wrong.”

You blinked once. Twice. Three times. Then, stared at Pierre-Luc owlishly.

“I thought you said you had friends you were with for the majority of the year…?”

“I do but a couple people that I thought were my closest friends turned out to be Trump supporters.”

“Oh… ew.”

Pierre-Luc nodded and sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. You went to reply but someone bumped into you and caused you to lurch forward. Pierre-Luc grabbed you to steady your balance. You nodded in thanks and smiled, hoping your eyes portrayed that. He gave a soft look in return, grabbing your hand and dragging you through the small crowd that had formed in front of you. 

As you were pulled through the crowd, you got a better look at the baseball cap Pierre-Luc was wearing. There was a player’s signature and the number 18 stitched just above the NHL logo. It wasn’t until Pierre-Luc brought you both to a stop in front of city hall that the puzzle pieces clicked into place.

“Fuck me…” you muttered.

“Now’s not the time for that,” Pierre-Luc said, looking at you sternly. “There’s a global pandemic happening and we just met. I can still take you to dinner though.”

You choked on your mask and felt your cheeks and the tips of your ears burn red-hot. Pierre-Luc’s eyes looked frantic but he did chuckle when you gave him a thumbs up to signify that you were alright. 

“Wouldn’t that be a hell of a thing to put on my tombstone,” you said, looking at Pierre-Luc. “‘Cause of Death: Pierre-Luc Dubois’ sense of humour.’”

Pierre-Luc tensed, throat rippling as he swallowed nervously. When he looked at you again, his expression had returned to something more soft and considerate.

“Am I your favourite player at least?”

You scoffed, placing your hand on his chest and pushing him backwards slightly.

Pierre-Luc chuckled, eyes lighting up. “Well? Am I?”

“I should say it’s Werenski because one of my coworkers gave me a signed puck of his as a Christmas present, but yes. It’s you, you narcissist.”

A look of confusion washed across your face when Pierre-Luc seemed to recoil from you with that response. You figured that would be what he wanted to hear. You had just called him your favourite player. 

“Please don’t say his name again.” Pierre-Luc sounded desperate which took you by surprise.

You stood there for a moment but the look in his eyes made the puzzle piece fall into place.

“Oh. Oh,” you said, scrunching your face up sympathetically. “I guess I know what I’m giving my boss for his birthday next week. He’s a giant hockey fan and a giant Trump fan. The puck will be happier with him, not that I’m telling him the reason I’m giving it to him.”

Pierre-Luc’s eyes softened and he reached his hands out. When you nodded, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you forward. You made an undignified noise, surprised that you had been lurched forward. Still, you allowed Pierre-Luc to hug you. There was no point in adhering to social distancing now because the two of you had literally been on top of each other. A hug wasn’t going to hurt anything anymore. 

You wrapped your arms around Pierre-Luc and gently patted his back. Pierre-Luc returned the favour, pulling back a moment later.

You could tell that Pierre-Luc wanted to say something but he was interrupted by a young woman walking up to the both of you. She didn’t say anything. All she did was hand you both a pin-on button from her boy-scout type sache and a bottle of water from the cooler she was wheeling around. You both thanked her as you looked at the buttons.

“It’s the same acronym Trump is using,” Pierre-Luc said, pinning the button to his shirt, “but it says ‘Make America Gay Again.’”

You snorted as you pinned the button to your own shirt. 

“Genius,” you said, lowering your mask and taking a drink from your recently acquired water bottle. “I love it.”

As you were lifting your mask back into place, you noticed that Pierre-Luc was pointing over your shoulder. Turning around, you saw a craft table with bristle board and markers sitting on top of it.

“Want to make a sign?” Pierre-Luc asked, voice full of excitement.

Instead of responding, you grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the table. Pierre-Luc chuckled as he came to a halt in front of the supplies. He placed his water bottle on the table, grabbed a marker, grabbed some bristle board and started working on his sign. You followed suit, though you placed your water bottle on the ground to allow for room on the table to work.

When you both were done with your signs, you showed them off to each other. Pierre-Luc’s eyes lit up when he saw yours, giving a double thumbs up as he held onto his sign.

“Game Misconduct for Bigotry,” Pierre-Luc read, “I like it!”

“Yours just ever so eloquently says ‘Eat My Hockey Pants,’” you read, snorting when you saw Pierre-Luc cover his face with the sign. 

“I’m not very creative,” Pierre-Luc said, though you barely heard him through the mask and the sign barrier in front of him.

“I think it’s fine,” you said, placing your sign on the table. 

You waited a beat before gently pushing on the top of Pierre-Luc’s sign. There was no resistance and Pierre-Luc allowed the sign to go down easily. 

As the two of you looked at each other, you could feel a strong sense of security being passed from Pierre-Luc to you. You could tell that he felt safe being with you. You could also tell he wasn’t scared to be around you, all things considered.

Pierre-Luc was the one that eventually broke the peaceful moment. He looked at you and then over his shoulder to the larger crowd that had gathered in front of city hall. 

“Are you ready?” He asked, grabbing his water bottle and forcing it into his pocket.

You nodded as you bent down and grabbed your water bottle. You forced it into your pocket, scoffing when some of the water oozed out of the rim and onto your hand. You wiped your hand on your shirt as you looked up at Pierre-Luc.

“Let’s do this,” you said, giving Pierre-Luc a determined look with your eyes.

With that, the two of you walked off toward the crowd, signs in hand. You weren’t exactly ready but you knew there was no turning back now. 

This had to be done.

[zrtranscripts]

Season 9, Mission 5: Sandstorm

Summer Holiday

~

[ship horn honks, waves crash on shore]

PETER LYNNE: Listen, all I'm saying is he could have dropped us off a little bit nearer.

JANINE DE LUCA: Our captain was clear from the outset, Peter. Our information on Tunisia is limited. He did not wish to deliver us to a port which might present unknown dangers. Or docking fees. Hence the empty stretch of coast we've landed on.

SAM YAO: Oh, it's nice though, isn't it? The sandy cliffs, the crystal blue sea, the rocky beach. Way better than that tiny ship's hold. Not that I didn't enjoy helping Janine tick “win 1,000 consecutive games of chess” off her bucket list. Oh, oh hey, careful how you carry the briefcase, Five. Remember, it's got Veronica inside. [shouts] You okay in there, Veronica?

VERONICA MCSHELL: Sam, for the last time, this case contains hardware running a full copy of my personality connected to a full suite of sensor systems, including auditory. You do not need to shout. Janine, Amelia gave me a message to play upon our arrival in Tunisia. Stand by.

AMELIA SPENS: Hello, Tunisia team. Let's make this super clear: you are not over there sightseeing. You're infiltrating a secret base codenamed Red Scorpion at the behest of General Bakari. He's directed you to a city near Red Scorpion called New Agadir. Until you reach New Agadir, where you must impersonate the mercenary group Death's Hand, you should pretend to be independent UK traders.

This is a covert mission, so if things go badly, I can't help you. Remember, the red fungus endangers the whole world. If it's in Red Scorpion, we need to know. Don't mess this up. Amelia out.

PETER LYNNE: Right, right, right. So just-just to make sure I've got this right, we're in another country with no support and we left our only doctor on the boat. Fantastic!

VERONICA MCSHELL: It's fortunate Maxine was present to identify the measles outbreak on the ship. If we hadn't left her to take care of it, it might have become a pandemic, Maintaining herd immunity via vaccination has proven almost impossible since the apocalypse.

JANINE DE LUCA: I see a road atop the hill heading west. Miss Spens’ preliminary scouting identified settlements on the Tunisian coast. That road leads to an outpost called Kalaat El-Amal. From there, we can arrange transport south towards New Agadir. Miss Spens also provided me details of a contact she's established in New Agadir who can assist us, a man by the name of Mohammed Boujettif. We must find him there.

Aside from anything else, we may need him to take Dr. Myers’s place in Death's Hand, although if he has no medical experience, that could prove difficult. The alias of the team member Dr. Myers was to impersonate is Doctor Death.

International subterfuge... it has been some time. Remember people, we do not know how the apocalypse landed here or what dangers await. Watch out for each other and keep your wits. Up the hill to the road, run!

~

SAM YAO: Oh, I thought the going would get easier once we reached the top of the hill, but now the road's covered in sand!

PETER LYNNE: Well, there's not much to stop it blowing in from the desert. As far as local scenery goes, you've got potholed roads and sand dunes and that's basically all you're going to get.

SAM YAO: So I get that we're pretending to be traders for now, then when we reach New Agadir we'll be impersonating Death's Hand, but what do we do if the actual Death’s Hand show up? I mean, my briefing said my cover is someone called Sven “Psycho” Mountback, who I don't exactly want to meet.

PETER LYNNE: Well, Amelia is recruiting the mercenaries now for a job in the UK. That's a trap that'll keep them out of our way. And they mostly work in the shadows, so their faces aren't well-known. So in theory at least, we should be able to pass for them. And Bakari swears he can get them - by which I mean us - onto the base.

JANINE DE LUCA: Gamma 1 insertion protocols, as Tom would have said.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: (in the distance) Guys, it's me!

SAM YAO: Does anyone hear that? Look, behind us. There's someone coming up the road dressed like a deckhand from the ship, waving.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Guys, it's Frances!

PETER LYNNE: Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Dempsey, what are you doing here?

FRANCES DEMPSEY: I, uh, stowed away on the ship. Hid in a storage crate, swam to shore when I'd heard you'd landed. Bribed a sailor to tell me when you did. A bit wet from the swim. I know you didn't want me to come, but I swear I'll be useful.

JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Dempsey, this is unacceptable! You were expressly forbidden...

SAM YAO: Uh, Janine? Usually you don't drift off when you're berating people.

JANINE DE LUCA: The sky, it's turned white. Winds are rising. If my memories of Algeria hold true, this indicates an incoming dust storm. We must get to cover quickly.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Does that mean I can come?

JANINE DE LUCA: It means, Miss Dempsey, that since there is no way to get you back to the UK, you are unfortunately in danger with the rest of us. There, gleaming structures on the horizon. Kalaat El-Amal. All of you, in that direction. Run!

~

[wind blows]

SAM YAO: The outpost is ahead. Yeah, I think I see an outer wall. It's hard to make out in this sand. [spits] It really gets in your teeth, doesn't it, Five?

VERONICA MCSHELL: Changing global weather patterns, likely brought on by a large increase in methane emissions from decaying flesh, have left this region more prone to dust storms. My sensors should have alerted us to the stormfront. And I failed to predict Frances's arrival.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Um, quick question. Why is the suitcase talking?

PETER LYNNE: That's our... computer expert, Veronica. She's our expert... who is also a computer.

SAM YAO: Guys, look behind you. There's-there's like a solid wall of sand looping towards us.

JANINE DE LUCA: We're on the storm's periphery, but the eye is approaching fast and the dust already feels cutting in these winds. Everybody switch to comms, cover your mouths. You should have desert goggles and masks in your packs. Miss Dempsey, take mine. I will use my shirt.

PETER LYNNE: Wait, wait, wait. Janine, that's ridiculous. She can have my mask.

JANINE DE LUCA: It is done, Peter, there is no time to argue. I see no rocks large enough for shelter. Our only hope is reaching Kalaat El-Amal before we're subsumed. Run!

~

[wind whistles]

FRANCES DEMSPEY: God, it's like being in a blender full of dust! Getting hard to balance in the wind. Five, grab my arm so we don't get separated.

JANINE DE LUCA: I do not see the road! Does anyone have a visual?

VERONICA MCSHELL: Janine, I have run estimates on the wind speed and density of the storm. There is less than a 3% chance of our surviving.

PETER LYNNE: Oh, fantastic! Thank you, Veronica. Helpful as always.

VERONICA MCSHELL: If I'd warned you of the storm sooner, you might have been able to shelter near the cliffs. I'm sorry.

PETER LYNNE: Janine, not to seem overprotective, but obviously you should take my mask. I'm literally indestructible!

JANINE DE LUCA: You have an anti-P-type bomb in your body, Peter. Inhaling sand might damage it. We cannot risk that. I appreciate you're afraid of losing me after the Hebrides. I let you join this mission because I trust you, but I'm as worried for you as you are for me. Do not disobey my orders!

[zombie shrieks]

SAM YAO: What was that?

PETER LYNNE: Look, those are human shapes being whirled about in the wall of sand behind us. Some are missing limbs or torn in half. They're all thrashing about. Yep, they're zombies.

JANINE DE LUCA: We cannot let them catch us. We have no idea if the zombie virus has variants here. Even if we survive the storm with our cure stocks intact, they might not be effective. Likewise Mr. Yao's immunity. We can't let them catch us. Go!

~

[wind whistles]

SAM YAO: Five! Five, is that you? If you can see me, I'm waving.

FRANCES DEMSPEY: Sam, we see you! Five and I are to your left. Keep moving through the dust.

SAM YAO: Oh, thank God. I can barely make out your outlines. I was worried you were zoms. Have you seen the others? We were trying to keep hold of each other, but the winds kept knocking us down. Storm's interfering with comms beyond point blank range.

FRANCES DEMSPEY: Everyone's been scattered, visibility's practically zero.

VERONICA MCSHELL: I'm trying to calculate everyone's probable vectors, but there are too many variables. At home, I would have more processing power, but this portable me can only handle so much.

During our voyage, I heard Peter talk about Frances's desire to join the mission, but my limited resources did not allow me to model her probable behavior. I was also unable to perceive the worsening weather because my capacity was devoted to reviewing mission files. My limitations have undermined my usefulness.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Not as much as this sand will if any of it gets in your circuits. We've got to get you inside, Veronica. Janine shouldn't have given me her mask. What if she chokes? She's the most important person to the mission.

SAM YAO: Don't think like that, Frances. We just got here. We're not losing people already, not like the Hebrides. I promised Sara we'd come home safe, that we'd bring her fun travel stories.

JANINE DE LUCA: [static] Repeat. [garbled audio] Repeat.

SAM YAO: Janine!

VERONICA MCSHELL: I am detecting faint electromagnetic activity. It may be the outpost.

[zombie growls]

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Sam, behind you!

SAM YAO: Oh God, that whirling wall of zoms is almost on us. Five, speed up! They're just gristle and bone, the flesh is torn right off them. The wind’s tossing zoms straight at us. Run, everyone! Head south... gah! That way, I think. Just run!

~

[wind whistles]

SAM YAO: That's it, Five, keep holding my hand. I've got Frances, we're in a chain.

[zombies growl]

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Everybody duck! Oh God, did you see that? A flayed zombie torso, ripped to shreds by the sand. It flew right over our heads in the wind. I'm sorry, Sam, I shouldn't have come.

SAM YAO: Frances, it's okay.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Peter warned me it was dangerous. I just, I really thought I could help. But I know you're all scared of losing people after the Hebrides, but you're all at risk here and I'm making it worse.

JANINE DE LUCA: Mr. Yao, Runner Five, this is Colonel De Luca. Mr. Lynne and I have made it into Kalaat El-Amal. Can you hear? They have equipment monitoring your approach. They're boosting our comms. They're sealing the entrance against the weather and activating a signal beacon on the outer wall.

SAM YAO: There! Hard to tell in this suit, but those look like... yes, flashing yellow lights ahead.

JANINE DE LUCA: The gate is in front of you, but it is closing fast. If you don't hurry, you'll be trapped outside. Sensors indicate torn zombie flesh has made that swirling storm wall infectious. You cannot risk being engulfed. You must get inside. Run!

~

[alarm blares, gate creaks and slams shut]

SAM YAO: That's it, Five, we're in. Made it through that gate by inches. Don't see anyone around, just a big metal room with big metal doors. Gate must be automatic. First bit of wider world we've seen since Z-Day, Five, give or take Finland. I wonder how people here are doing.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Guess we're about to find out. We're okay, everyone's okay. We all made it.

VERONICA MCSHELL: And my estimations of Kalaat El-Amal's location were accurate. It will take me time to get used to operating at this capacity, but I will persevere. I am confident I can keep the team safe. After analyzing the Hebrides files, I know how much difficulty you all have without me.

[door rattles open]

SAM YAO: Janine, Peter!

JANINE DE LUCA: It's good to see you all intact, including you, Miss Dempsey. It seems you've left me no choice now but to consider you one of the team. The locals were rather shocked to see us approaching through the storm.

SAM YAO: But they let you in, so they're friendly, right?

PETER LYNNE: Oh, they are very friendly, and very worried. You see, apparently the last few foreign traders to visit Kalaat El-Amal carried serious diseases. Measles, flu, multiple poxes. So they're putting us under quarantine until we're vetted, for a period of no less than three months. That means if we can't find another way out of here, the whole mission is over.

~

[liam-93-productions]

Pushing a trolley stacked high with cans of Baked Beans along a narrow corridor, it's hard at first to recognise the masked young man despite his face being on billboards around the world.

His hair, too, is longer thanks to lockdown, while his hands are covered by an unflattering pair of latex gloves.

Up close there's no mistaking who the mystery man is....but quite why Liam Payne finds himself stacking shelves in a London foodbank is another matter.

In an exclusive interview with the Mirror, the down-to-earth 26-year old singer has spoken for the first time about how he felt compelled to act in the wake of the global pandemic.

Like many, he was left deeply upset by reports of families struggling to eat under the crippling financial pressure caused by the nation going into lockdown.

And in an extraordinary act of generosity, the star has donated cash worth 360,000 food parcels to the Trussell Trust, who support a nationwide network of food banks.

But he wanted to get his hands dirty too....so headed down to a foodbank in London's Euston to volunteer and also find out first hand about the scale of the problem.

“I was told that in terms of people turning up to that specific foodbank, it was almost double, if not more. It's terrible people need food banks anyway but now, it's getting worse and worse,” he says.

Liam spent the day packaging up food parcels for the homeless with a team of four other charity volunteers

“My job for the day also entailed packaging up specific items for homeless people that were stuck on the street,” he says. “They need very specific types of food because a lot of them can't cook things, they can't prepare stuff, they can't get boiling water.”

Last week The Trussell Trust said it was enduring its busiest ever period, with 81% more emergency food parcels being given out across the UK compared to the same period in 2019. This included 122% more parcels going to children.

“The numbers are crazy,” he admits. “And it's just disturbing to know how many people are without food in these circumstances. I hope enough people out there know about these food banks and can get down to them.”

He paid special tribute to the “inspiring” foodbank volunteers he met including Carla, Dorothea and Helena.

“These people are putting themselves on the line every single day going out and doing this, putting themselves at risk,” he says

“I want to urge anyone reading this to donate to The Trussell Trust if you’re able to. I know lots of people are in a really difficult financial position right now so can’t … but if you can please do donate.”

Growing up in Wolverhampton, money was tight in the Payne household, with dad Geoff a fitter and mum Karen a nursery nurse.

But while he admits that “money definitely put stress on the family in certain circumstances”, he says that it was a world away from the current predicament many families are now finding themselves in.

“This is a really unprecedented situation that we find ourselves in right now,” he says. “It's very distressing seeing the number of people out there losing their jobs. I'm hoping that the Government does what it can and makes those right decisions so that we can all improve this and get back on our feet as quickly as possible.”

(...)

Liam says he was also left worried about new reports of a potentially lethal inflammatory syndrome in children that appears to be linked to coronavirus infections.

“To think of kids struggling, it really, really pulls on the heart strings, and I just can't imagine how people feel in that position.”

Liam reserves special praise for the army of NHS workers up and down the country and says how he has been joining in the Clap for our Heroes every Thursday.

And like so many other people he has been left horrified by the rising death toll among their ranks – not least as he recognises the important role the NHS played in his own life.

The star has previously said how he was born “effectively dead” with doctors having to bring him round. He was then in and out of hospital with kidney problems as a toddler.

Asked if he owed a personal debt to the NHS, he said: “I think so, definitely. Living in the country and having the NHS service, I think we have taken it for granted. It's unfortunate that it's only in times like these that we all suddenly realize that. I mean these guys literally put themselves at risk every day. It's wonderful to hear the clapping throughout the streets, and people really, really going for it.”

Work-wise, the lockdown has meant that Liam has had to put on hold a series of international dates over the summer including a gig in Russia.

“I hadn't been there before, even with One Direction, so I was quite miffed about,” he says. “But you have to do what you have to do in this circumstance. And I was actually meant to go to America at the time of this, and luckily I'd stayed put for the moment, I didn't want to be stuck away from all my family and everything, which would have been even harder.”

Instead he has taken on the rather unique challenge of putting on gigs from the confines of his London flat. As well as performing the One World Together at Home gig put on by Lady Gaga, he performed his new single Midnight with Alesso on James Corden's chatshow from both his frontroom and rooftop.

“I mean it's challenging to make things look interesting from home.... we were flying a drone around in here, what we’ll do next I don’t know..!” he laughs.

For someone who has been so open before about his mental health while in One Direction, I wonder how he is doing holed up away from his friends and family?

Liam has previously spoken about suffering chronic loneliness in the band and having to seek therapy because he was in such a “bad place”.

He says: “The thing that I'm trying to remember in my head is there are going to be bad days. There are going to be some days where you feel a bit down. But as long as you know that, you can kind of battle your way through it a little bit.

“But I think the main thing for me is just making sure I have a routine and setting mini goals and little victories like writing a song or making sure that I've been in touch with a family member that day.

“But I think one of the things we can all do to help each other is just by staying in touch. If you know somebody who's a little bit lonely or is struggling, reach out to them.”

Liam is supporting the Trussell Trust, an anti-poverty charity that supports a network of food banks and campaigns for a future where everyone can afford their own food. You can support their work by donating here – www.trusselltrust.org/make-a-donation/

[talesofayoungadventress]

The fact I never did a blog about this kills me. Because there was some crazy shit that went down... as always. But here we are, 3 years later post global pandemic and online teaching 💀 Home girl NEEDS this current vacation. Anyways currently sitting here in Vegas with Monica and I needed to get this up for myself than for anyone to read… #memories and whatnot.

Monica and I did a 5 week trip to Spain and Morocco. I HONEST TO GOD thought this trip was going to be normal. We were older, safe and sane, & not out doin’ risky shit like we use to. All was pretty uneventful the first two weeks in Spain. We drank a pitcher or two of sangria a day, ate, napped for siesta... and anyone thats read from while I was in Thailand knows that is Monica’s specialty 😂, went to see some floating Jesus for Monica, and that’s pretty much it. The men are 🔥, the sangria is perfect, and country wide afternoon nap time is good for the soul. 10/10 would recommend Spain.

The words “Damn Monica look at us having a safe and sane vacation like responsible adults” even left my mouth at one point. We were so proud. Mom was proud I wasn’t out doing hood rat stuff. But then came our last day in Spain. I knew it was all too good to be true...

We stayed in a port town called Tarifa. Although we both had big girl jobs at this point, we still kept it cheap and took the ferry to Tangier in Morocco rather than fly. The night at our hotel set the tone for the rest of the trip. The fire alarm went off in the middle of the night. I panicked and jumped out of bed because I wasn’t about to burn, meanwhile this bitch Monica leisurely gets up, walks to the sink, puts her sweatshirt on and starts washing her face. WASHING HER FREAKING FACE!! WTF!? I actually yelled at her and got her butt out. Thank god it was a false alarm. But moral of the story Monica would have let us burn to wash her face 😑

The ferry was mistake #1. I took Dramamine and Monica didn’t want to. You get one guess who spent the entire ferry ride throwing up in a sink.

Now I’ve only ever thought I was about to be snatched once while traveling. It was in Cambodia with Monica and our psycho drugged out tuk tuk driver. I can add our first day in Morocco as the second time.

For whatever reason Morocco doesn’t let you get money before entering the country like other places. You need to get it from ATM’s at the airport upon arrival. But we chose the cheap route (never again and this lesson will come back to haunt me later... 🐫) and came on the ferry. We asked where we could get $ and they said they had lots of ATM machines outside of the building. Well surprise surprise we didn’t see any. We stood there with no money or phone service stranded wondering what we would do.

Then, out of no where, a man came up and asked us if we wanted to get money and told us to follow him. He led us to a row of windowless rape vans like you see on Criminal Minds and told us the ATM and money exchange was inside. Should I have gone in? No. Did I? Yes. Just when I thought I chose the safe and sane life in Spain it all went out the window. As soon as they opened the back doors sure enough there was a little ATM and a man with a table. Still leery I get in and they slam the doors right behind me. At this point I thought “God damn, really! After all that I’ve gotten myself into this is how I’m being taken out!?” But all went well and I got our money.

After the creepy $ situation, we got a random Chefchaouen and it was everything I wanted it to be. It was blue. It was pretty. We were even offered cocaine instead of the crepes we wanted our first night, and Monica made my fat butt hike up a steep hill TWICE in sandals. But that hike up was so worth it watching those sunsets overlooking the city and hearing the call to prayer. Monica 1, Meghan 0.

After Chefchaouen we headed to Marrakech. I wanted all the rugs, all the vases, tiles, baskets, purses. Honestly I was the equivalent to what the grinch looks like as he’s collecting all the Christmas shit from Whoville. Put it in my bag I’ll give you all the $$. We also stayed in the best boutique hotel. Monica wasn’t a fan until we walked in and settled ourselves. Monica 1, Meghan 1.

I straight up threw down those dollars in Marrakech. I didn’t work all those night classes for nothing! I texted a random guy who sold rugs that I found from someone online. Again... another risky choice but I wanted some damn rugs! Monica was pissed I’d text and leave with a random person for rugs but I was determined and dragged her off with me. Jokes on her because he was so nice, gave us mint tea, and let me live all my Moroccan rug dreams. I got 4. Did I need 4? Hell no! BUUUT did I want 4? Yes.

Shout out to my mom for putting up with my crap and letting me ship and store those babies at her house 😏. FYI they look fab in my new house.

Now there wasn’t anything else to report until the very end of our trip. This is when the “cheap route” reared its ugly head again. Monica is no longer allowed to plan excursions. Ever. 🙅🏽‍♀️ You get what you pay for.

We did a desert camping experience and took a random van 15 hours into the Sahara desert. The entire ride was sketch as usual, and they eventually dropped us off at a hotel for the night. The next day we had to give our room up and sat outside in 130° weather until our evening camel ride into the desert. My camel was NOT cooperating and it took me forever to get on. Monica was last to load up because she started crying and didn’t want to get on because “she could tell her camel didn’t want to go.” So she suggested she’d walk there… the entire 2 1/2 hour trip. The guides looked at her like she was crazy and said no and forced her on anyways. I heard her crying for a good 15 minutes before she was fine and wanted a picture.

My camel ride was 🙅🏽‍♀️. The blankets weren’t tied and my saddle was a triangle piece of wood that kept slipping off. Sitting slanted on a triangle piece of wood for almost 3 hours on a camel is the worst.

Once we got to the camp we had to walk through piles of camel poop to eat dinner in the dark. Also, no warning to us before hand, but our camp didn’t have a water bin or bottles so your girl was waterless in the Sahara desert 🥵. The bed sheets also had me shook to the core… not washed, probably ever, as there was a BODY PRINT STAIN you could see!

Despite the nastiness, the stars were pretty, we climbed to the top of the sand dunes, and I watched the sunrise because I refused to lay down on that bed.

At this point I was tired, dehydrated, and just wanted to get back. Monica still didn’t want to ride the camels (she was in her vegan phase this trip) and said she told them we’d pay to take ATVs. I used the last of $ I had left to do so, and we waited for them to arrive while everyone else loaded back up on camels.

This is where things got weird. We were left with two guys that helped run the camp. One started playing drums for us while the other just sat and glared the entire time. He eventually told us he didn’t like America’s, said we shouldn’t take pictures, and then plot twist he wanted to add us on Facebook. Shout out to Sayed for giving us creepy predator vibes.

Once the ATVs came, we got on and went on our way. While Monica took off nice and slow happy as can be, my guy guns it! I literally held on for dear life the entire 30 min ride back. He’d speed up while we’d go down the sand dunes and our ATV would literally hover down! I don’t remember anything, it all went black, and I almost died.

Once we got back to the hotel Monica was crying and told me it was because of how beautiful the sunrise was on our ride back. She asked if I saw it, but Girl NO I DID NOT because I was trying to hold on and make sure me and my backpack weren’t left in the dust.

We took a shower with a single small stream of water and then took another bus 15 hours back into Marrakech. I was next to a kid that threw up the entire time. No food, no water because I was out of money.

Now if you’ve made it this far bless you. This was the end of our trip and I ended it with picking up some bug that had me SIIIIICK the rest of the two days and entire flight home.

Which brings us to today, exactly 3 years later, and 2 canceled trips back to Thailand thanks to COVID. This road trip will be fun though! Here’s to being on home turf, accident free, not taking the cheap way out, and being responsible.

❤️ Love from Vegas 🇺🇸

[bondsmagii]

2, 8, 26, 37, 38, 57, 72, 91, 94, 100

> questions to ask at 4:02am meme 🌕🌃

thank you! 

2: Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known?

yes 😩 I can’t even adequately describe what’s going on here, but there’s a lot of people and a lot of places that feel familiar even if I don’t know them, if that makes sense? and there’s also a lot of people I could have become, and a lot of places I could have been, and I do have moments where I kind of mourn them even though I have no proof that they would have even existed in that specific way. I do think this is normal to an extent, but also I do this a lot, lol.

on a slightly less philosophical level, I of course mourn my older brother, who’s quite literally a person I never got the chance to know.

8: Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation?

oh man definitely. the love you feel for your friends isn’t the same love you feel for your spouse or your parents, and so on and so forth. there’s lots of different kinds of love, and lots of different levels within those types, and you’re also more than capable of feeling several different types and levels towards the same person, in my opinion. I don’t know if I would try and categorise everything, because something like love doesn’t really suit being shoved into boxes, but there are different types of love and I find it’s constantly shifting and changing along with you and the object of your love, which is cool.

I should add that I don’t find any one type of love more or less important than the others. seriously, destroy the idea that romantic love is the One True Love, and all other forms are somehow lesser. that’s just garbage.

26: What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far?

this is kind of embarrassing but the truth often is: almost eight years ago I decided to make a sideblog on here that has... something to do with writing, let’s say, and something to do with... a certain character... and anyway that decision led to me meeting a certain person and going from awkward messages on Tumblr to awkward messages on Skype, to eighteen hour conversations and constant texting, to living in a car together for three months on a roadtrip and then living in a car together for many more months while homeless (and a million other places in between), to moving in together and then holy shit we got married.

so I guess that one impulsive decision to make a shitpost sideblog at stupid o’clock in the morning when I was bored one summer has been the single most life-changing choice I’ve ever made.

37: Do opposites attract?

eh. I mean, yeah, sometimes? but similarities attract, too. I think for any kind of relationship to be successful you’ve kind of got to have an element of both, and I think that “opposites” usually refers to something very specific. for example, I don’t mind cleaning the bathroom and you hate it. that’s a useful kind of opposite, because it means a compromise neither of us feel cheated by. you’re unshakable when it comes to slogging through bureaucratic minutiae, and I’m a beast in high-stress quick-thinking scenarios. together we make a pretty unstoppable team, for being opposites in that regard. I think that’s kind of what’s meant by this saying, but unfortunately it seems to have been appropriated to mean “yes honey, I know you work 10 hour shifts and come home to find your partner hasn’t cleaned the house or done anything to help, but opposites attract!” or “my partner supports Trump and genuinely believes that vaccines and masks are a government conspiracy to control us all, and I am a normal human being, but opposites attract so I guess I’ll have to put up with it”. like no, kings and queens. that isn’t what it means. dump them.

38: Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago?

lmao no. not in the slightest. five years ago it would have been... just into 2016, and yeah, no. there is not a single thing about me right now that I would have predicted, aside from the general stuff that’s never changed about me. I had different ideas about what I would be doing for work, about what I’d be working towards; I had completely different levels of commitment and discipline to various tasks, and I certainly wasn’t planning an international move. I can at least say that I’m happier with my current plan than the one I used to have (it wasn’t a bad plan, it just no longer suits me) but there’s no way I would have expected this.

and of course, there’s the whole issue with the pandemic. five years ago I had no idea I would be living through a global natural disaster, and if you’d told me, I would have thought it would be something like a supervolcano eruption or a nuclear winter. like, I’m glad it’s not, but also “you have to stay in your house for over a year” still kind of sucks.

57: Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I think we are sometimes, when things are tough and there’s a need to wish to escape (see how many books I read over quarantine in March, for example). most of the time, however, I think humans just like stories. I don’t think it’s any deeper than the fact that humans love stories, we’ve always loved stories, we’ve always loved telling and hearing stories, before we had books and archives we passed our stories down orally and we drew them on cave walls with our own fingers, and this love for the story has never changed or altered in the hundreds of thousands of years since. I think that’s the major driving force here.

right now I’m looking for an escape 24/7, because I’m sick to death of the real world. I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. without books, without the fictional things I love, without reading and writing and music, I would have gone absolutely bonkers in 2020. being able to fall into a book or play around in the worlds I’ve created, both my own and things I’ve co-written with you, has literally saved my ass over the past eight months. escapism is never a bad thing. like anything, it only becomes troubling when it starts creating problems. but I do not think there’s any shame in occasionally saying “fuck it” and going to worry about someone else’s fictional problems for a while. 

72: Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time?

this is a tough one. on the one hand I want to say no, because it could easily be abused. some asshole could get into power and make something illegal, and then round up all the people who have committed that now-crime and lock them up, and oh, would you look at that! all the people who have committed the now-crime just so happen to be the dictator’s biggest critics and threats, how convenient. 

at the same time, dictators are going to wipe out their enemies no matter how legal it is, and I also have to consider the fact that before WWII, for example, words like “genocide” and “crimes against humanity” didn’t exist. how could we decide that these things are crimes, but then not try those who literally gave cause for the crime to be acknowledged? we can hardly say “alright, genocide is now a crime against humanity, but because these guys did it before this was law they can’t be tried”. that’s just... not really a great precedent to set, you know?

so I suppose a tentative yes? I think it would probably depend entirely on the severity of the crime. for example, if they found out that... I don’t know, some normal everyday substance was something that people could suddenly get high off, and they declared it a drug, I don’t think everyone who’s ever sold it or used it should be rounded up and jailed. but like, if the act of cannibalism itself became a crime (and not just murder or desecration of a corpse, which is what “cannibalism” usually falls under in terms of legality) we should probably go round up all the people who are stealing human legs to eat, yanno?

91: Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate?

sick totheark reference bro. anyway yeah, hate is as strong as love, though it appears and reacts in different ways. hate and love are two sides of the same coin, if you ask me. the deeper you love somebody, the harder you hate them if things go wrong. hate is betrayed love. something something, a tree’s branches cannot reach to heaven unless its roots reach to hell, and all that. something so powerful is going to leave a lot of damage if it goes wrong.

I hate a few people. I don’t want to go into detail as to their specific identities, because I’m sure that if you know me well, you’ll know who they are. both of them were people whom I loved very deeply, and who betrayed that love in ferociously cruel ways. both people taught me very difficult lessons about the nature of love, and how sometimes it really cannot conquer everything, but while this would be a nasty lesson to learn it’s compounded by the fact that I learned this not out of any kind of extraneous circumstance, but rather through their cruelty and their refusal to work with me, listen to me, or love me in the way I deserved to be loved. my hatred for these people will never go away, even though it certainly doesn’t dominate my life. it is there, though, and I can easily draw on it whenever I need it. should I get the opportunity, I have no doubt in my mind that I have the capacity to be very cruel to these people in my own right, and I won’t feel bad about it.

94: How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately?

oh damn. forcefully, conditionally, stubbornly, and probably slightly possessively.

I don’t show love in conventional means. I’m one of those stereotypes, I guess. I don’t like declarations of love, I don’t really go in for physical affection, and I’m not sappy at all. my love language is more subtle, but it’s there. I like to do things for people, I like to create things for/with people, I like to have adventures with people. that’s how I love, and I can be pretty forceful about it. I also want people to improve themselves as much as possible -- I think the greatest thing I can witness someone I love doing is becoming the best version of themselves, and I will support them 100% in this effort -- also very forcefully. I don’t think there are many people who could put up with that level of intensity for so long, if I’m honest. I demand a lot of the ones I love, but I also like to think I give a lot, too.

my love is never unconditional. while I believe unconditional love exists, I have never seen it. my love always comes with conditions -- conditions about how I expect to be treated, about ideology, about worldview. these are all huge deal breakers, of course -- my conditions aren’t vague, or petty, or small in any way. but there is nobody on earth, nor will there ever be, who I will not walk away from if I feel the relationship is harmful in any way. I might not stop loving them, but I sure as hell will not assume that my love for them will protect me from them.

at the same time I’m a very stubborn person when it comes to love. people will do things they think must break one of my conditions, but I’ll see something else in it and I’ll stick around even if we both think it’s useless. I’m never wrong, so I suppose I have that going for me. but I am very, very stubborn when it comes to love. I have a high level of endurance and I know how to nurture love; how to stop pessimism from setting in. I’m also slightly possessive, so I don’t let go of anything easily -- and this includes the people I love. I’ll never stifle a person, but I’ll definitely fight for them, and something something everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.

100: What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

I suppose something like this could never be logically grounded because there’s no logical proof at all, and “I Just Know” is apparently not a scientific argument (it should be), but I know I’ve had past lives. I just do. I have no solid proof for this, only gut feelings and Just Knowing and weird memories and some crazy shit that I can’t explain -- like being able to find my way around a strange city because I remembered it from a past life, for example -- but I just know I’ve had many different lives before and I will have many more to come. this is just an unshakable belief and it always has been.

[clairecrive]

“Let’s stay home”| Quarantine AU

As promised here chapter 5. I’ve made it long to apologize about posting it late. Again, I’m sorry. However, I hope you enjoy it. As always if you have any ideas or things you’d like to see happen, let me know! Next chapter, someone will make a cameo, who do you think will be?

Tag list: @deaflikehawkeye, @mollybegger-blog, @of-love-and-of-the-sea, @br0ck-eddie, @fandom--0verdose, @evelynshelby, @shadow-of-wonder, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @sopxhiea, @fuseburner (let me know if you wanna be added)

If you lost a chapter: Masterpost

Chapter 5 - “Concert”

"Oh my god, yes, yes, yes!" Her loud scream of enthusiasm was heard throughout the house alarming its guests.

"What? What's going on?!" Tommy ran out of his room out of concern regarding her screech, thinking the worst.

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" Came Alfie's annoyed grunt as he got up from the chair he was sitting on with the help of his cane. Being cooped up in the house all day wasn't helping his sciatica at all.

But Emma didn't grace either of them with an answer. Instead, she simply jumped off her bed while calling her friend on Facetime, completely clueless of the worried men that were standing outside her room waiting to know what was going on.

Squirming on her feet, failing at staying still, Emma sported a huge smile on her face while she waited for her friend to connect. Half expecting to see Bane's face popping up on the screen, Alfie thought about leaving, not wanting to repeat the other day's situation but contrary to his expectation, a female face appeared on the screen. Adjusting his position against the door so that he was more comfortable, he now was genuinely curious. It was the first time that Emma talked with a female friend. He had even begun to think that she didn't have any.

"Jen, have you heard?" She excitedly asked her friend that seemed none the wiser.

"Emma, it's literally 8 am here. You're lucky I even answered you."

"Well then, I'm about to make your day ten times better. Check the message I've sent you on Telegram."

"Can't you just tell me?" Jen's tired voice complained

"That's not fun, I'm building the suspense." Emma firmly explained waiting for Jen to do as she said.

"What do you think is going on?" Tommy asked Alfie.

"I've no idea mate. No idea." Alfie simply said, scrolling his shoulders while not removing his eyes from Emma's form.

After a couple of seconds of silence, which saw Emma grinning like a fool and Tommy and Alfie simply standing there like some clueless bodyguards, Jen's squeal brought Emma's smile only to widen while Tommy and Alfie were startled, the former losing his balance while the latter lost his grip on his cane. What the hell...

"Thank all the gods in Olympus, they've blessed us!" Jen's face reappeared on the screen now mirroring Emma's expression.

"I'm so happy Jen, you've got no idea. I really thought they were just going to refund us."

"I told you, you had to be positive about this! You never listen to me, you pessimistic bitch." Jen sassed making Alfie's eyebrows shot up and Tommy's lips to pout.

"Can you, for the love of God, tell us what's going on?" Alfie's voice prevented Emma to respond, making her finally aware of their presence in her room.

"Oh, hello boys." She simply greeted him not understanding their worried stance. When they gave her an allusive look she finally explained with a big smile.

"Harry's concert got rescheduled."

"And that's what got ya screamin like a fucking banshee?" Alfie grumbled

"Other concerts have been simply cancelled and the tickets refunded. This way we still get to see him." Now fully facing them, she elaborated.

"Fucking hell." Alfie simply muttered under his breath leaving the room. She turned to Tommy but her confusion only grew.

"Next time I hear you screaming, you better be dying." He said before leaving as well.

As confused as ever, her face resembled the question mark which made Jen laugh.

"Ugh, men," Emma joked.

"While we're on the subject, how's the living together thing going?" Jen noisily asked wiggling her eyebrows making Emma know that she was here for the tea.

"It's going well actually. So far, at least. They've been surprisingly helpful so I'm not complaining."

"You're stuck with three handsome, mouth-watering men and that's all you're going to tell me?"

"I know they're attractive Jen but nothing is going to happen. We're friends."

"If I were you, I'd walk naked all the time and hide their clothes so that they'd also have to be naked all the time. You'll see how something will happen then." Jen shared her absurd plan topping it with a suggestive wink.

"You're missing Nik, eh?" Emma affirmed more than asked knowing very well that being away from her boyfriend was really taking its toll on Jennifer.

"You've no idea. This is going to be pretty tough, not going to lie. There's only so much we can do on video chat and of course, it's not like the real thing." Her friend complained, making it very clear why she was missing her boyfriend so much. If there was something that Jennifer wasn't, it's certainly being smooth. She's the kind of person that's very upfront about things, whatever they are.

"I can imagine." Was Emma's attempt at being sympathetic. Her relationship with sex was really different, however, she could understand Jen's problem. If she had a boyfriend whom she loved as much as Jen loved Nick, maybe she'd miss the connection that comes with sex too.

"I'm here, terribly horny and suffering for this quarantine and you're standing there surrounded by dicks and you won't take advantage of it!" Jennifer loudly complained, getting cruder and cruder and Emma couldn't help but scrunch her face in horror at her friend's choice of words.

"My god Jen, get a grip on yourself girl," Emma jokingly reprimanded her, " You should have come here when I invited you then."

"Unfortunately for me, I'm awfully loyal and Nick's dick is the only one that I want. But I know that you'd have been delighted by my presence, you don't have to pretend."

"Oh damn, you got me. My life is empty without you." Emma indulged her. It wasn't completely false, she did miss the girl a lot.

"I know, I know. Listen, babe, I've gotta go, Nick's calling me. I'll talk to you later and please, think about what I've told you, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, bye Jen." Emma willingly ignored her last statement and ended the call with a nostalgic smile.

Emma was fully aware of how unconventional most of her relationships were. She never really thought about them that way, it was always people's reaction to them that made her realize how strange to an outsider might look. But to be fair, however unorthodox her relationships may seem, they were all based on mutual respect and honesty. When people asked her if it was true that she and Tommy were just friends, Emma would always be puzzled by their astonishment. Yes, they had been together. So what? Some people work better as friends. And yes, Emma wasn't blind, Tommy was sexy af but while she could admit it without shame she would also be lying if she said that she thought of being with him. Been there, done that. It didn't work so she moved on. As did he, there was an understanding between them.

Alfie was a totally different thing.

They had started off as friends but both of them felt that there was more. That there could be more. And in fact, there was. They tried it out and it was working just fine until her job cut in and ruined everything. She had to leave. And neither of them were too sure of a long-distance relationship. Alfie respected her decision, he knew how important her job was for her, how ambitious she was. But breaking up was inevitable. And so they did.

However, since there really was mutual respect and affection between them, they kept in touch. Sure, it wasn't the same thing and both of them had had different partners in the meantime, but they always found their way back to each other.

So, when it came to them, friends was a reductive word but it was better than to explain their whole relationship to some stranger every time. They would better fit under the heading "it's complicated" but a global pandemic wasn't the right time to deal with this situation and finally label their relationship. Emma knew that that was why she was ignoring Alfie's jealous remarks and Jenn's proposal. Things were already difficult, neither of them needed them to be even more complicated.

Days went on like this then: Tommy and Alfie that would bicker from time to time, always because Alfie would provoke him in some way; Eddie would jump in and either fuel their discussion or would spend his time tormenting Emma. He was surprisingly helpful though. He would go out and go shopping for necessities claiming that it was impossible for him to get infected, he would help her clean up and take care of the house. As long as he lent a hand as he was doing, Emma wouldn't complain about him pestering her. Emma and Bane would still video call every other day to keep in touch but he was unexpectedly evasive when it came to his whereabouts.

Everything was going fine. Emma knew that she was one of those who had it good, that's why she couldn't find it in herself to complain about this whole situation. However, if she could speak freely, she'd have to admit that her mood was progressively getting worse. She tried to keep a routine to keep her busy but the truth was that she was finding it harder and harder to get out of bed and do things, with each passing day.

She still tried though. Because she had taken a commitment with the other guys and had chores to do, but also because of her job. And most importantly she didn't want anyone to know that she was feeling so blue. Emma was one of those people that prefer to deal with their problems by themselves and shy away from any kind of attention when they're going through something.

Up until this day, end of week two in lockdown, she had pulled it through. For whatever reason though, this day had hit her harder than any other. Maybe it was because of the article she was supposed to write. It was about self-love, how important it is and what are the different ways one could take care of themself quarantine edition. The topic wasn't weird perse, Emma wrote frequently about this kind of stuff, it was just that she felt like a scam writing it. How could she write about self-love and ways in which people could make themselves happy, especially in these difficult times, when she was the first one who was miserably failing in doing so?

Yes, it was definitely this the reason for her sulking.

She was lying on her bed facing the ceiling with her head dangling at the end of it trying to find a way around this article that she had to write. Caught up in her thoughts, she didn't realize that the door of her room was open and that anyone passing through could see.

"Em?" Tommy's voice anchored her to reality and made her eyes snap open. However, she remained in her weird position, not bothered to lift up nor to answering him.

"What are you doing?" He walked further into the room but didn't get too close to her.

"Thinking." Emma just mumbled, scooping a little further so that her head wasn't hanging anymore. Nodding, Tommy got close to her now, and lied down beside her but facing the other way.

The reason why Emma and Tommy had stayed friends after they had hooked up, was because before that night they had actually hung out a lot. Emma was writing a piece on the tournament he was taking part in, Sparta, and had heard about him and his brother. In order to actually write the article, Emma had to speak with both of them. She didn't expect to get along so well with both of them. Not that Tommy was that much of a talker when they first met. Only a few short answers here and there and the occasional joke. However, Emma knew a little of his backstory and had also the impression that there was more to him than met the eye. He was hurt. Emma had no doubt about that. And just like her, when he was hurt talking to people was the last thing she wanted.

After coming to that realisation, dealing with Tommy became easier. He gradually opened up to her, even if it was only a little, and they got along really well. In some way, they were alike. And once you've found a soul similar to yours you tend to keep it close.

With time Tommy had learnt to read Emma just like she did with him during their first time together and come to the understanding that when Emma closed off like this, she was hurting.

He didn't say anything. He just laid there, next to her. Held her hand letting her know that he was there for her but leaving her the time to open up if she wanted to that is.

"Right, what's goin on in here?" Alfie's voice startled them both but while Tommy rolled his eyes, a little annoyed by his interruption, Emma reluctantly smiled at his antics. Sometimes, she wondered why he was so amusing to her and then realized the warmth and comfort that he brought her along with his annoying ways.

Pushing her head so that she was looking at him upside down, she smiled when she saw him standing there with his hands on his hip like an angry lady.

"Could you please stop pouting and come here and cuddle with us?"

Everyone knew that Emma was an affectionate friend. But for her to be so outspoken about it and asking for affection? It was a red sign and Alfie recognized it. So stop pouting he did and made Tommy scoop so that he could lay on her other side, holding her hand.

Their sweet cuddling session would be short because Eddie would soon be coming back from the grocery store but they all enjoyed while it lasted. Sometimes, Emma realized, the best self-love tip was simply being surrounded by our loved ones.

[northernxstories]

Trading in Dignity

It was shocking how quickly it all came to an end. It started in the 2020s and within a decade, after the third global pandemic, they were faced with the worst yet. All the science deniers, those who refused to distance, wear masks and all of that ... well, most of them caught it. Some of them caught it without showing a single symptom. That didn’t matter because approximately eight months after you were infected, after you thought you were all well again, your lungs started to bleed. Nothing could make it stop. You drowned in your own bed, at night, sometimes in mere minutes. Most of the time, you just went to sleep and never woke again. It was grim.

The survivors were rare and the disease progressed so quickly, institutions fell almost overnight. Whole cities became ghost towns. Survivor teams started sweeping, looking for children, infants, pets trapped in houses and then supplies. Survivors came first. There were a lot of supplies. Not that many people.

She was rare and she knew it. Immune. How? No idea. Luck? Genetics? It didn’t matter at the end of the day. The world grieved and cities were abandoned for smaller communities. It wasn’t like in the horror movies or post-apocalypse fiction. No one ate people, bought and sold people, or any of that ridiculousness. For the most part people tried to help one another. Older people banded together to raise the children who survived. With the population reduced in the span of a decade to less than a third, it became very clear that every single human was a necessary addition. Funny how prejudice and differences in sexuality mattered a whole lot less when the end of the human race was at stake. All that shit became real irrelevant real fast.

In a spate of particularly weird coincidence, some communities lost more of a certain type of people. The east coast of North America for example had nearly no men left. It was startling, You could travel for days, scout many towns and communities and find less than a dozen males. West of the Rocky mountains however, the opposite was true. The average was 1 self-identified female to 20 self-identified males (like people were checking - get real). Some communities the ratio was more like 100 to 1. In the mid-west, prairie region, well there was almost no people left there at all. No one knew why they were so hard hit but the coasts survived. Perhaps it was just population distribution. Scientists would be studying it long after she was dead.

So, in a world where you lived with almost 100 men in your community and the number of single women could be counted on one hand, and you wouldn’t need every finger? Yeah. This was fantastic. 

Again, it wasn’t like the books though. She wasn’t chained, or bound or really mistreated in any way. Nope. None of that.

She was a strong survivor. She had a thriving garden and a number of animals of her own. Her house was cute as hell and in really good shape. Her grandmother had taught her to sew and the rest she learned from books. The little town was powered by a local dam that kept the predatory animals such as the dog packs, at bay with electrified fencing in key areas, including around her goats whom the wolves thought looked super yum yum.

But even she needed supplies. I mean, was she going with a raiding party into a city to get tampons and advil? Ummm ... no obviously. That was terrible. That’s how people died! Those places were not safe. It took rigging and expertise she did not have to be on a scavenger team. Plus do you think they would be cool having one of the few women in town go out with them? You��re dreaming if you think that’s gonna happen buddy and no one went without a team. That was a fucking death wish.

So, she had to shop. She had to trade. Fact of life. They didn’t want her tasty preserves or baking. Nope. That they could do for themselves. She traded the one thing that few had around her - her pussy. Fucked up right? 

Prostitution was the oldest game in the book for a reason it turned out. So she went into the store and put in her order for supplies that she needed. Flour, tampons, books for example. There was a tally and a calculation conducted. She was a modest girl. It rarely went above two visits. Then there was a jar. Yup. A fucking jar, with names on it. Men who had paid into the credit system. 

“One” The merchant stated bluntly marking it in his book. 

“One?” She repeated, a little surprised by how light the requirement was. Her list had been pretty long.  

“Yeah, Bernice fell pregnant, she’s off the list until after and maybe permanently since the Bennett brothers are putting serious court to her. All remaining traders just had their value go up.” 

That’s what they called them - traders. Like she was wheeling a cart through town with little jars or something instead of letting men cum in a minimum of two holes per trade. It was awesome. By the way, that was sarcasm in case you can’t tell.

“Nice.” She replied with a nod, “I hope the baby is healthy.” That was the customary statement these days when anyone fell pregnant. You see, the virus didn’t exactly go away and infant mortality was high as fuck. It was depressing as hell. She didn’t know a single woman who didn’t half dread getting knocked up, even if they really wanted to be a mother. It was a huge risk and all too likely to end in just more painful loss. Yay for survival.

“We all do.” the merchant stated sincerely as he pushed the jar toward her. Sliding her hand in, she let slips of paper, card stock that was refreshed so often you couldn’t get a feel for any one particular person, just dance through her fingertips. You just had to stick your hand in and pray to whatever god you might actually believe in that you didn’t get one of the gross old coots who thought bathing was fucking optional. Last time she had one of those she had about forty baths and still felt disgusting.

She pulled out the card and took a deep breath before flipping it over. Both her and the merchant looked surprised. “Well good luck there. Didn’t even know he paid in.” The merchant marked his book and then nodded. “I’ll get your order in as soon as ... you have about four days before you’ll have had to pay up.” 

That was another thing, the man had to confirm you had ‘paid’. However, if that man lied, he was off the books permanently. Not only that but the other men in town usually paid you a visit and beat the holy hell out of you. It was an honour system true but most followed the rules, out of honour or out of necessity, it didn’t matter at the end of the day. Men who might only get one fuck a year with a ‘willing’ woman weren’t about to lose the privilege because you decided to get fucking cute about it.

“Thanks ... Have a good day now.” She replied with a sincere smile. The merchant was a good man after all. He never put his name in and if he found out one of the men was cruel or unkind even, he’d return their credits and tell them to start getting real used to the sweet feel of their left hand because that was about all they were getting from now on. 

She walked through town, that name flipping through her mind. It was just so unexpected. 

Well no time like the present she supposed. She had had a bath last night, given the old cunt a tidy and all that. She had a debt to pay and she just knew she wouldn’t sleep right until it was paid off good and proper. Yes, it was a little fucked up but that was the system and she had lived with it for a while now. Strangely you kinda got used to it. Most men were pretty appreciative about it. 

Walking down the main street, she noted the weird combination of old and new that had blended together in this world. Cars jerry-rigged with solar panels to charge the batteries travelled on the same road as horse-drawn carriages. Kids wore sneakers cause there were still plenty of those left in old stores but paired them with clearly homemade clothes and then spiked them with leather jackets kitted out with studs and chunks of cell phones used as artistic decoration.

She walked until she hit the slight outskirts of the main town area. She could see him now, his arm lifting as he pounded the steel into shape with a large hammer. Farriers, blacksmiths, knife-makers, welders and so on made a nice living in this new world. You could always tell who they were because they smelled like fire and had arms the size of her entire body it seemed. She licked her lips and straightened her back. For the first time in well over a year, she had to admit that she might just be looking forward to this one.

“Hey ...” She greeted. He put down the hammer and shifted up his eye protection, squinting at her in the bright light of day. “Hey.” He replied back, his voice a little gruff. “You looking for something?” He asked.

“Ummm ... pulled your name.” Turns out all the cool things she was saying in her head since pulling his name had just fallen right on out of her brain. Well I wasn’t cool before, she thought bleakly with a tinge of amusement, Guess I’m not now either. Maybe the next apocalypse.

He stopped, frowning lightly as if he wasn’t sure what she was talking about and then his expression cleared and his eyes grew wide. “Oh.” he said. It was actually more of a sound. He cleared his throat. “I ... I  ... yeah. Now?” he queried.

When she nodded, “If you have the time. Otherwise ... I can come back.” I can come back. What the hell, was she Uber Eats? What the fuck is wrong with her?

He shook his head, “Now is good.” He tipped his head toward the interior. “Let me shut this down a bit and then I’ll wash up and be in.” 

He seemed nervous. Why did she like that so much? Maybe she was bored of the older guys who just had you bend over or would just unzip when they saw you coming. No effort man. No fucking effort. Literally. Wham bam, you’ve paid for your groceries Ma’am.

Mr. Muscles here better put in some damn effort at least.

[slamsams-blog]

Moonraker - #24WeeksofBond

Happy Labor Day!  Here we are, the last Bond film until November’s release of No Time To Die.  In a world, and in a year where everything has seemed to slow down due to the chaos and the uncertainty of a global pandemic...this project has done what I wanted it to, which was speed things up.  I can’t believe we are already in September and only two months away from No Time To Die’s release.  This has been fun and watching all the Bond films out of order has opened my eyes and offered a fresh perspective of each film respectively.  That being said, Moonraker finishes our Bond marathon out and it actually was exactly what I remember it being, so no real eye opening, out of body experience here.

As a young adult I always rather enjoyed the humorous side of the Bond films.  I thought the dirty one liners were hilarious and the gadgets were super cool.  Which is why Moonraker had been one film I looked forward to as we would go through the Bond films in sequential order, over and over again.  These days my palate is a bit more refined.  I’ve matured and developed a taste for good story over anything else.  Moonraker offers everything on the surface, a rather “paint by the numbers” Bond film; there is nothing hidden, nothing to go back and figure out.  Not saying that that isn’t welcomed sometimes, but I would still like to try and figure out just who is behind everything rather than just being told right away.

Moonraker was a reactionary move on the part of Eon productions after Star Wars came out and after the box office numbers saw huge dollars, they decided to change gears.  It had become customary after every Bond movie to reveal the title of the next Bond film in the closing credits, after The Spy Who Loved Me the credits rolled and said “James Bond Will Return In: For Your Eyes Only”.  Whoops.  Well because Bond is being reactionary here and because they only allowed a couple years in between each Bond movie, it was hard to change pace and give each Bond movie a unique flavor like the Daniel Craig Movies; therefor we get just another run of the mill, funny ha-ha Moore Bond movie...but in space with freakin laser beams!

We open up in the pre-title sequence with an airplane carrying a space shuttle called the Moonraker, but gets hijacked mid air.  This causes alarm so Bond is called in, but before he reports for duty Bond is accidentally thrown from the airplane he is in by the returning Jaws!  Yes, Jaws had been so incredibly popular that he had to come back, but this time...he’s pretty much a clown, but I’m kinda into it.  Not the creepy ass clown we see in a dark alley which was horrifying...but just a regular clown that entertains kids at barbecues.  I think it really would’ve worked better had they not re-introduced Jaws until after Drax’s man Cha dies.  

Back to the film...Well, Bond says the shuttles are made by Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) so that must be it.  And yep, it is.  Pretty simple.  I wonder if they could’ve at least gave us a few scenes with Drax to speculate if it is him, or if he is being set up before we see Drax’s evil side.  Drax and Bond have tea and Bond can’t even get out the door before Drax is telling his guy to F him up.  So the plot is pretty much spelled out for you, the only thing we have to wonder...is why?  Before we come to that answer, we are pretty much taken on a 2 hour ride of Drax’s people trying to kill Bond, but failing.  Seriously, Drax has someone around every corner, how does he get these people to go along with these plans??

One heart wrenching scene in this film is when Bond discovers a safe, and Cha finds Bond with the pilot who took him to the property.  They then stick the dogs on her, this poor girl is running through the woods like she is in “The Grey” trying to get away from the dogs, but ends up getting ripped apart.  Unfortunately Bond never finds out that he had a hand in her death by getting her to help him - this could’ve added a little weight and dramatics to the film.  But I love the part in that same scene where Drax wants Bond to shoot a pheasant from the sky for sport, but instead Bond shoots a gunman out of the tree, and as Drax says “You missed Mr.Bond” the shooter falls out of the tree and Bond retorts “Did I?”.  Love it.

Bond eventually finds a laboratory where some vials are being filled with some toxic gas but Drax tries to throw everyone off the scent by replacing the lab with a giant office.  Bond convinces M that the Lab was there, and M keeps Bond on the mission - but on the DL.

Along the way Bond is introduced to one Holly Goodhead, oh those funny sex pun names for females that have not aged well...Goodhead, played by Lois Chiles, is an undercover CIA operative working for Drax as a cover.  When we first meet her she takes Bond to the flight simulator where all our worst nightmares about amusement parks come to life.  Cha takes over the controls and damn near takes Bond’s face skin off before the wrist dart gun comes in handy.  Pretty intense stuff there.  Bond finds out she’s CIA and they begin working together.  There’s nothing special about Chiles performance here...she skates by.

They follow the trail of crumbs until they are eventually finding themselves on one of the Moonraker space shuttles lifting into orbit and inside a space headquarters that will be used as a sex pit....yes, Drax is scheming to kill everyone on earth and replace them with men and women who are physically superior, and they are to breed and make babies so that the new world will be physically fit and sexy and Drax will become God.  Hot.  Well, of course Bond is not about that...even though maybe he could’ve prevented COVID-19 had he let Drax wipe out the population?  Thanks a lot Bond!

Another funny avenue they take with the Jaws character is that he finds love in a woman we are supposed to believe would fall for someone like him...because she has pigtails and glasses?  If she had had braces it would made sense...two metal mouths, ya know?  But because Jaws finds love, he turns babyface and starts helping Bond kill Drax, because Jaws fears Drax is going to eliminate him for not being genetically superior.  This ends with Bond and Goodhead trying to escape but can’t, so they enlist Jaws to break then free, and Jaws and girl fly off into the sunset...literally.

All in all, Moonraker is meant to just be a fun ride.  I don’t mind that every once in while, and I do find a lot of Moonraker’s bits to be amusing, but because there is a lack of depth in the story and a lack of interesting personalities in Goodhead and Drax, this movie falls a little short.  Not Moore’s worst, but not his best - just very middle of the road.  And while it does have it’s moments of suspense with Bond and Goodhead being trapped underneath the ignition of the shuttle, and the cable car scene with Jaws - we are also taken for idiots with the gondola scene where Bond is driving it through the city - forcing birds to do double takes.  Yeah you read that right.

Thank you to everyone who followed this little blog of mine closely, this was super fun for me, and I am going to use this as a way to rank all the Bond films once and for all!

Sound off, what did you think?

Reviews from Friends:

Curtiss Frisle

Pretty great until they get to space. 

24 Weeks of Bond will return in November with - 

No Time To Die

[thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild]

50 things I’ve learned this year during a global pandemic/general life advice from your local teenage train wreck :) (Pt. 1)

1. It’s okay to let go. Of things, people, old interests, even your past self. It doesn’t matter. If it isn’t benefiting you anymore, it’s okay to let things go.  

2. No relationship is worth pursuing that doesn’t match your energy. If someone’s not matching the love you give them, pull back to match their energy. That way, you save your energy for the people in your life that do. Most times, the people who do match your love and energy are the one’s that are in it for the long run and will be there for you. 

3. Stop caring what other people think about your interest. Often times we have so much shame for liking what we like. Why is that? If it isn’t hurting anyone, then why does it matter that you have an obscure taste in music, books, movies, etc.? Stop apologizing for what you like!

4. It’s okay to not want to grow up, even if that’s all you wanted to do as a kid. You don’t have to grow up. 

5. Going off of that, if you’re a “gifted” or “mature” kid, it’s okay to mourn your childhood you never had. Watch that show that you never did as a kid and fall in love with it. Finger paint with no exterior motive. Read way below your reading level. Reread Harry Potter or the Percy Jackson series. Play outside. You deserve it. 

6. “Kids” shows, including atla, lok, etc. often have more complex and interesting plots and characters than most “adult” shows these days. Don’t dismiss something just because it’s geared for a younger audience. Watch and learn from them. 

7. The changes you want to happen don’t suddenly happen. They’ll happen after many months of trial, error, and consistency. Take baby steps and celebrate small victories. 

8. You’re body will always be imperfect, and it’s okay. You’ll eventually learn to accept it once it doesn’t change so fast during adolescence, but don’t feel pressured to. It’s okay to not like how you look, just don’t let it keep you from enjoying life and your body from serving it’s purpose. 

9. Most high school guys don’t want a serious, long term relationship yet. They all have to mature a little bit for that, and it’s normal to feel frustrated about it, but don’t blame them too hard for it. You matured at a faster rate then them, and they still need a little more time. The best thing to do it wait for it. 

10. Questioning your sexuality is a normal part of life. You like guys? Good! You into girls? Great! It literally doesn’t matter, and God doesn’t really care either. There’s nothing in the Bible against it, and he made you that way right? Why not embrace it! Asami was your first gai crush? WONDERFUL! me too! Want to label yourself? I’ll respect and support whatever your decision is! Don’t know or don’t want to? Also perfect!

11. God (or whatever you believe in, or don’t!) made you imperfect for a reason: to embrace those imperfections and grow through them, to improve. Why would God put you on this earth if He didn't think that you had a reason to grow closer to Him through your imperfections? Make sure you use and acknowledge your imperfections, because they’re your lifeline to Him in prayer. It’s what you need to improve on, and ask help for, and that’s okay! (Spoiler alert, even when you do this stuff and work super hard, you’re human, and you’re still gonna mess up and make mistakes! Perfection wasn’t intended for humans, and I don’t believe it ever will be!)

12. When summer rolls around, get a summer job. Go down to the local ice cream place and ask if they’re hiring. Get an application and fill it out nicely with good handwriting. Then, take it back and wait. If they say yes, great! If not, that’s good too! Keep looking! Once you’ve found a place, settle in. Learn how things work. Learn how to do your job good and effectively. Immerse yourself in it. Then, have fun. Name the machines. (Big Bertha the waffle iron, or Fernanda the flurry machine, etc.) Name the ice cream flavors after your favorite fictional characters based on what they’d order (Aang is cookie dough, Obi Wan is mint chocolate chip, etc). Make new friends there and schedule your shifts with them. Get them in on your games too! It makes it more fun. Take time to show them your names for the ice cream flavors and machines, and maybe start using the names as abbreviations to make orders more efficient. Make sure you work only how much you can handle, even if that’s once a week or seven days for nine hours each. Whatever makes you happy! If you work in customer service, make them smile. Give the little kid extra sprinkles for wearing a fun mask or stickers if you have them. If there’s a tired mom, help her out by prioritizing her order to get out fast if possible. Whatever helps them. Thank the customers that tip! Then, get your paycheck in the mail and save all your tips. Put it in the bank and save it for college or when you need it. (Make sure to buy yourself something nice with the money sometimes too!)

13. When in school, don’t feel pressure to over achieve all the time. It’s okay to do the bare minimum sometimes. If you have an A, why are you worrying about if it’s a 95 and not a 98? It’s still an a, and that’s great! School is there to help you learn, so don’t force yourself to do extra busy work for a little extra credit (unless you absolutely need it!).

14. Take time to learn and do other things outside school that you may not be getting credit for. They’ll serve you in the long run! You like to write fan fiction? Keep writing! It’s helping! You love a sport? Good! It’s keeping you healthy while teaching you real life skills. Most of these things are gonna stick with you forever, so keep doing them and don’t let you passion fade away.

15. Write letters to your friends that live far away. Even if they don’t respond, they will appreciate having something that’s harder to lose or accidentally get deleted. Make the letter nice with pretty paper or colored pens or stickers, and spray your favorite scent on the envelope. Then seal it with a sticker and send it off. They really will appreciate it. 

16. Splurge on your own Spotify premium account and make a playlist for each mood. Make one for studying, working out, singing at the top of your lungs, one for when your happy, sad, etc. (You can also search my name, Hana Zainea, to listen to any of my playlists and see if we have the same music taste. If so follow me there and I’ll follow back to see your playlists!) Listen to your music and take time to enjoy it. Set aside ten to fifteen minutes just to do that. Let it flow through you and wake your soul up. 

17. Learn how to make handmade gifts. Wether that’s learning to make necklaces, earrings, bracelets, crochet, knit, or even make a nice card with hand lettering, learn how to make at least one solid handmade gift. It’ll give you a new skill as well as let the other people in your life that you love them. Handmade gifts are valuable and kept forever no matter how good they look. 

18. If your best friend lives far away like mine does, plan a monthly bsf subscription box. You can send each other a letter and a few little self care gifts once a month. It’s soooo fun and I can’t recommend this enough. 

19. Have photos that you like printed in physical form and hang them on your wall even if it’s just with tape. You’ll like being able to see and access happy thoughts and memories easily and have them hanging on your wall instead of sitting in your camera roll. 

20. You don’t have to keep up with social media. Delete it if you want, or limit your time on it if you want. Sometimes the “connection” we experience through social media isn’t always healthy, so monitor your use. 

21. Have a screen time widget on your phone and keep track of it. Try to cut your usage down by half an hour every week and eventually reduce it to the amount of time that you’d like to spend on your phone without being excessive, whatever that looks like for you. 

22. Meditate. This isn’t anything religious or spiritual, and it brings many benefits. It’s basically you setting a time aside to think for yourself. You can use one of the hundreds of guided meditations on youtube, or listen to theta waves/meditation music or just find a quiet place. Find a place where you know you won’t be disturbed, and then start to let your mind wander. What’s bothering you. When you turn off you mind, what’s the first thing that pops up? What keeps you from just being? What do you need to focus on in order to help yourself feel better? What are some things that you regret that are weighing on your heart? Now, what is your desired reality? Where do you want to live? Who do you want to meet/live with? What do you do? What do you act like? What do you have to do to make this happen? If you pray/are a christian, ask God for help with this desired life. (Remember, ask and you shall receive!)

23. Get yourself a hydro flask or any other durable water bottle, specifically a 16 or 32oz one. This way, it’s way easier to keep track of how much water you are drinking. A 16oz bottle is one pint and a 32oz one is a quart. Four of the 32 and eight of the 16oz are a gallon. Start by trying to drink a quarter of a gallon (2 16 oz or 1 32 oz) then a half, then three quarters, and eventually you’ll be drinking a gallon plus of water a day. (Put stickers on it to motivate yourself. Trust me it works wonders having fun stuff on there. Makes it enjoyable) 

24. If you’re able, make and give gifts often. It brings more joy than expected. 

25. Get rid of clothes. Toss all the old ones out. Reinvent yourself. Invest in pieces of clothing that are timeless (crewneck sweaters, cable knit sweaters, tan and brown colored dress pants, nice wool coats and sweaters, etc.) You’ll have these forever. 

26. Maintain your physical appearance. Make sure to change your clothes, follow proper hygiene, use lotion, etc. You’ll feel much better, trust me. You don’t have to use expensive products or put on a full face of makeup either, but putting some effort in will make you feel much better about yourself. 

27. Find a tea that tastes good to you. (Preferably without caffeine so you can drink it whenever.) Try everything! Then get yourself a nice mug and have some at a dedicated time each day. Relax and enjoy a constant in your life. 

28. If you’re into it, research and try reality shifting. I’m not going to go into depth in this post (that would take awhile) but if you’re really needing an escape but can’t go on vacation due to money, time crunches, etc, you can shift to any alternate reality that you’d like. Further in depth post about this to come. 

29. Read. Anything. A book, and article, the paper, the news, even the back of a cereal box. Think about it. What did you learn? Anything? 

30. Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn’t go to for advice. 

31. Call your parents if you live away from home. If not, spend more time with them. They love and miss you. 

32. Same with your siblings. 

33. And grandparents.

34. Find a way to remember your home town. Know it like the back of your hand. 

35. Read Shell Silverstien poems. They’re funny. 

36. Have a piece of jewelry that you never take off. Keep it to remind yourself of your sanity and to remember yourself. 

37. Cry of you need to. It’s bad to hold it in. 

38. Series you should read (even though some are nerdy): Harry Potter, Percy Jackson/Heros of Olympus, The Hunger Games, The Red Queen Series, The Giver Series, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit. 

39. Standalone books you should read: The Book Thief, The Fault in our Stars, They Both Die in the End, Where the Crawdads Sing, The Scarlet Letter, Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, The DaVinci Code, The Great Gatsby, The Catcher in the Rye, Out of my Mind, Love that Dog, The Unfinished Angel, To Kill a Mockingbird, Romeo and Juliet

40. Shows you should watch: Avatar (Even if you’re a casual fan of the fandoms) : The Last Airbender, Legend of Korra, The Mandalorian, The Office, The Clone Wars, Parks and Rec., Stranger Things

41. Standalone Movies/Series you should watch: The Notebook, any of the Disney classics (specifically Lion King, Hercules, and others during that era), the Harry Potter movies, the Hunger Games movies, The Star Wars Movies, All of the Pixar movies (specifically Soul and Coco), Ten things I hate about you, the perks of being a wallflower, Clouds, If anything happens I love you

42. Artists to listen to: Norah Jones, James Taylor, John Denver, Anson Sebra, Ed Sheeran, The Paper Kites, The Artic Monkeys, Conan Grey, L. Dre (for Lofi) Song recs are on my Spotify haha (Hana Zainea) 

43. Invest in good supplies for art. It’ll make a difference.

44. When something feels off, clean your bathroom. Not your depression cave of a bedroom. Your bathroom. Trust me. It helps so so so much to have on clean space. 

45. Have a cohesive scent. Like lavender? Buy lavender everything. Use it in lotions, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, candles, etc. You’ll have a scent that people will now associate with you and you only. 

46. Learn how to cook while your at home. Ask your parents if you can go to a nutritionist and learn what foods nourish your body the best. Eat them and let yourself feel good about what you put in your body. 

47. Learn how to do basic home improvements while still at home. Fix toilets, clogged drains, clean ovens, showers, sinks, etc. You’ll be grateful. 

48. Don’t do drugs/drink. It’s not worth dulling your senses to miss out on your wonderful life. 

49. Annotate your books. It makes you engage more and you’ll like looking back on them. 

50. If no one is looking, you should totally cart surf down the isle at the grocery store. It’s the little things that count. 

[hermeticimp]

Firefly - Chasing After The Fleet-Footed Messenger

Hey guys! So the next asteroid that I wanted to talk about was is named after our dear Greek trickster Hermes. As my patron, this was the first asteroid I started looking at, at least with this particular project. I’ve spoken about my relationship with him a lot on this blog before, but this time we’ll get to say what my birth chart has to say about our connection. I’m excited! Let’s jump in! 

Hermes - god of travelers, communication, commerce, shepherds, thieves, psychopomps, adventurers, boundaries, messengers, and about a thousand other things. However, most important is this case is that he’s the god astrology. As such, this is great devotional act that I will be taking full advantage of. 

Hermes (69230) is located in Capricorn in the 11th house. It is conjunct Aquarius Uranus and Capricorn Neptune, which are also in the 11th, and trine my Virgo Mercury in the 7th. I’ll break down the individual components before synthesizing them together. 

Aquarius is the sign of individuality, rebellion, and revolution

The 11th house deals with themes of purpose, friendships, groups, societal structures, finding one’s tribe, and resonance

Uranus is the planet of individuation, freedom, epiphanies, and sudden change

Capricorn is the sign of hard work, power, integrity, and self-control

Neptune is the planet of intuition, the unconscious, spirituality, illusions, and transcendence

Virgo is the sign of self-analysis, service, growth, and perfectionism

Mercury is the planet of information, thought, communication, the mind, and observation

The 7th house is about intimate relationships, equality, interdependence, healthy relationships, rapport, support

Conjunctions indicate that the energy of two or more planets blend together and are hard to tell apart

Trines point to two or more planets having a easy-going relationship that can indicate talents and gifts

My initial analysis is that Hermes is a guiding light of sorts for me. He’s inspires me to go after my dreams and aspirations, regardless of how out there they may be. As long as they resonate with and express my inner most desires, he encourages me to pursue them. He sees the potential that I struggle to see myself. He reminds me to have faith in the work that I’ve already done. With that, there’s no expectation that I have to follow any rules of interaction with him that don’t vibe with me. It’s important that I do what feels right for me and not anyone else. Otherwise, I put myself at risk for being led astray, which is a topic that preoccupies my mind already. When I find myself doubting things, he leads me to epiphanies, people, and opportunities that reaffirm my belief in the powers that be. 

Beyond that, I can feel his energy rather easily. Though it is most noticeable when working with others and being authentic to myself, it’s something I’m nearly always rather conscious of. There’s a close bond between the two of us. Communication, information, and intuitive knowledge flow naturally in our relationship. Even when my conscious mind may deny things, my intuitive side doesn’t and he helps bridge the gap between the two. However, he won’t tell me everything. There are times where he challenges me to figure things out on my own as they will make more sense and easier to accept. Some things just won’t sink in without personal experience. Even then, the option to bounce ideas off of him is there. Clues and hints are communicated, but it’s still for me to analyze and piece together. 

One final note is that I find it interesting that this asteroid is trine Mercury. In mythology, Mercury is the Roman counterpart of Hermes. They are both deities of travel, communication, messengers, merchants, wit, thieves, psychopomps, and tricksters. Out of most of the Greco-Roman deities, these two are the most conflated. I admittedly haven’t worked with the Roman pantheon. I just thought it was an intriguing placement. It could indicate that working with both deities could work well. Only time will tell.  All of that being said, how does this compare to my personal relationship with Hermes? Honestly... it fits to a T. Hermes has helped me through a lot. Even when I doubted the existence of deities, I always felt a pull towards him. I have a firm trust in him, much like I would a close friend (11th and 7th houses). When I’ve talked to him, he’s advised me to be more authentic and true to who I am rather than sticking to what others may expect of me (Aquarius Uranus and Capricorn Neptune conjunction). I’ve struggled with how to interact with him on many an occasion because I let what other polytheists said dictate what I did. Never once did that feel right until I saw a post from @underworldariel about approaching relationships with the gods the way it feels right for you (fitting that Ariel herself has some Aquarius placements). That opened up the path that has led me to where I am now - a person who works with and is devoted to the God of Messengers. @lands-end-ada once told me that where Uranus lies is where you’re most prone to get bad advice. Neptune has themes of spirituality. With the close ties between Hermes and these planets in the 11th (resonance, friendships, societal expectations), I think that suits this situation perfectly. 

I do feel closest to him when I’m being of service to others (Virgo) and honoring myself (Aquarius), which allows me to align my professional interests with my personal ones (Capricorn). However, I do see his influence in my more personal relationships. With my friends and family, I’m often the communicator. People come to me with their problems, I mediate (which is admittedly my 7th house Libra Sun too), I pass along messages and information, I give advice, I get people together, and I’m the one who keeps up with what everyone is doing and how they’re feeling. Even though I’m an introvert, it’s a role I’ve fallen into rather naturally. It just feels right to maintain those connections. All of this points to the trine between Hermes and my 7th house Virgo Mercury. Sure, it also indicates the fact that Hermes and I understand each other with perfect ease and comfort, but I’ve been recognizing this aspect playing out more and more recently. With the quarantine and global pandemic, I’ve been keeping up with my loved ones and updating them on each other more often: I’ve arranged a weekly video chat with my friends, talk to family members regularly, entertain my siblings, and relay any info I get on social media about those I don’t talk to as much. I have always related to Hermes’ messenger aspect, but this whole situation just made it stand out all the more. 

Outside than that, there’s been constant reminders to rest before I delve into spiritual topics (Neptune) and work (Capricorn). Part of this has manifested as literal rest, but it’s also about clearly communicating my needs so I don’t end up overwhelmed by others (7th house Mercury). I been having all sorts of “Aha!” moments (Uranus) when it comes to talking about how I feel and how I process things (the latter also pertaining to Mercury). It has shown itself through a desire to roleplay, act, and do creative things (Neptune) as a means to express myself. I’ve even been experimenting with my dance style (hip-hop & latin to interpretive influences). This is how I’ve been learning to cope with my mental and physical health (Virgo & Mercury) through this outbreak. Hermes is lingering around and pushing me towards what I need even if I have trouble sensing him around (11H Neptune). The asteroid is about to start transiting (moving through) my 1st house (personality, outlook, sense of self, self-confidence) in Pisces (spirituality, mysticism, dream, consciousness). It’s very likely that Hermes will start playing an even bigger part in my practice and I’ll be following him further down the rabbit hole (according to Ada’s post here). I’m excited for the adventure! Always am with him.  Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know if you have any questions! ^_^

[littlemissmeggie]

@xoxosoulshine mentioned you in a post

@littlemissmeggie congrats on making it past Wednesday though happy 6months bb!! Hopefully you'll get to relax a little this weekend

thank you, my friend. i’ll just be happy after, like, 12:30 on monday afternoon. i had my walkthrough with the mall manager scheduled for monday at 11:00 but we were finished cleaning at about 4:00 yesterday and the truck had picked up all of our IT equipment and everything at 11:30. we were just waiting for one guy to come to pick up a ladder he’d bought so i went over to her office and asked if she would mind doing it while we waited rather than on monday. it was only about 10 minutes, she just walked around and looked at the fixtures we’d left behind and checked to make sure everything was clean. she was actually impressed with how clean everything was. but she didn’t like that we’d sold the butcherblock tops to the cash register/gift wrap stations. the tops hadn’t been on the fixture sales list—the whole station had been but nobody wanted to buy them because they’re 13.5′ long and hardwired into the floor—but also hadn’t been in the exclusion list. according to all of the fixture sales paperwork, things could be sold as long as it didn’t cause any damage and the only damage removing the tops caused was some screw holes and a few scratches. my right-hand woman barb and i figured that they could just replace the top with another butcherblock or even a cheap countertop from home depot. now i’m worried that she’ll make a fuss and it will somehow lose me my $2,000 “incentive bonus” that i’m supposed to be getting for staying on through this emotional hell, working nonessential retail through a global pandemic. and that i’m counting on because i don’t have another job yet and i need money. once i confirm with the district manager on monday (she still thinks i’m doing the walkthrough on monday at 11:00 because i’ll be paid for the whole day if i do it monday.) that i’ve done the walkthrough, then i’m done. i hope the fact that my store was #5 in sales for the eastern region and #9 in the company out of 51 stores (they told us that like we should be proud of ourselves. like yeah, i’m so proud that i helped you help me successfully lose my job.) will help me out, as will the fact that we left the store clean, i submitted all of my employee terminations and timesheet edits on my laptop before i left yesterday, did everything else i was asked. (we tore down our IT stuff on thursday so it could be shipped back.) anyway, i’m just really stressed about that and can’t wait until i can tell the DM that i’m finished, key is handed in (already is but she doesn’t know that), i’m done.

i was supposed to have an hour-long message today. i got a call this morning that my massage therapist had a cancellation so she could do a 90 minute, which is what i usually do. so i rushed to get there... and got stuck in an awful detour because a transformer blew a half mile up the road from the massage place. i called and ended up rescheduling for monday night because i wasn’t even going to make it in time for the hour massage. 

so i decided to at least salvage the drive and go to at&t because i need a new phone. i went in and they put me on the “waitlist” so they wouldn’t have too many people sitting in the store waiting and told me they would call me in about 20 minutes. i went for a walk around the plaza (same plaza where sur la table is), went into barnes & noble, sat in my car for a bit, and almost an hour later went back into at&t. they told me they’d tried to call me. i had no missed calls. my phone might be having some problems (hence wanting a new phone) but missing calls isn’t one of them. so i went to talk with one of the guys and because my name on my driver's license doesn’t match the name my dad has for me on his family plan (meggie isn’t my legal name but i’ve literally never been called my legal name except in... legal situations.), they need the passcode for my dad’s account. i called my dad. he doesn’t know it but it’s at home in his notebook with all his passwords and usernames. he was driving home from cape cod and didn’t have his notebook with him. 

now i’m home in a terrible mood with a headache, stressed and anxious, and i feel like crying. god.