#thankfully it doesn't always make it into international media

[ricoka]

it's so embarrassing that the only time anyone ever takes notice of this small ass country is when we fuck up

[weaverpop]

Can I offer a situation?

One of mk's ex's has been harassing him

I would think mk would of apologized to the partners that broke things off cause of how he was acting in the past and for most they forgave him. But there could always be the one who didn't want to forgive or acknowledge his sincere efforts to grow. And then theres of course the ones from relationships where the partner was the problem.

Said ex more maybe two got bitter seeing him happy in a new relationship and with a prince no less, and they start spamming him with abusive messages from a variety of different accounts.

Mk is of course alarmed and pretty distressed but doesn't want to alarm nezha so he does his best to hide it. But it quickly goes from abusive language and attacking his insecurities to straight up threatening to bash him publicly as an abusive partner; sighting his past problematic behavior with some exaggerating details and even straight up making crap up.

It sends mk into an intense depressive episode because he's starting to believe and misremember details. He wants to tell nezha but wants to try to resolve it first and goes to mei first since she's scary good when it comes to find ppl via social media sleuthing skills.

Nezha ends up find out anyway though because the ex got bold and decided to uphold there threat and contacted him directly.

Oh man, why you gotta hurt my heart anon?! (Tw angst, sensitive topics, and bad languages)

Poor Mk. I would imagine this happening early on in the therapy era, where Mk and Nezha are still struggling to get their feet back under them and establish a new (more healthy) normal. Mk be trying to just live his life, until said ex’s contact him. I don’t think it would be the ones where Mk was the toxic one, those are the ones who generally just want to move on. But one of HIS bad exes would def do something drastic.

They would see him rise in the public view already (hero stuff), so to see him so open and public with Nezha, a PRINCE, has them seething. Messaging, spamming, the works. MK’s mental health would take a big hit, and he actually talks either Sandy in therapy about it first.

Sandy is the one to suggest going to Mei, and def about telling the others just in case. Mk does, but wants to maybe tell Nezha after the whole things blown over so as not to worry him. Until said exes contact Nezha.

Nezha, of course, ain’t buying shit. In fact, it only serves to piss him off. Nobody in the mortal realm was really aware of the JE’s passing until Nezha decides to find these exes. You know why they find out?

Because Nezha has them dragged into the streets via guards, and publicly demands to know why they would dare threaten the lover of the next Jade emperor (aka him). Mei has all the evidence against the two, and the mortal police have to beg the prince not to cause an international crisis. The two exes have, at this point, realized the grave miscalculation they’ve made and are panicking just a a tad.

Thankfully Mk shows up and convinces Nezha to let the police handle it. The exes are arrested, and reporters and paparazzi catch Mk soothing Nezha’s anger. Their approval ratings in the public eye EXPLODES after this.

Of course it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. Mk still gets stuck it a bit of a rut because of them, and while no other exes have come forth after Nezha’s public display, it doesn’t stop the paranoia. Poor baby’s got a date with more therapy after this. But at least things are smooth sailing right? Not like Nezha’s got any exes to dig up.

Oops, did I say that? I meant Ao Bing has an absolute fit. :)

[pollymorgan]

Oh my God, how embarrassing... I did it and translated my German fanfiction into English... into bad English! Don't be too harsh on me, but rather make suggestions for improvement: So now a little phone sex with Coach Negan. 🙈😌

Warnings: arrogant Negan, frustrated woman, explicit phone sex

Today is one of those days again, where nothing seems to work as it should. Just like so often lately. Why couldn't I transfer those damn photos to the laptop? I've never been very tech-savvy, but the modern world practically forced me to. I'm actually a cookbook author and used to be quite successful with it. Some of my books were bestsellers and I even had my own cooking segment on a nationally broadcasted morning show. But then I was suddenly replaced by a younger, "cooler" colleague and ever since then, I've been struggling to keep afloat with social media, more or less. If only the technology would cooperate..

Even in my personal life, I have been replaced. Four months ago, my husband left us. By us, I mean my three children and me. After 19 years of marriage. But love goes where it goes, right? Nothing can be done against that. At least, those were his words when he got into his Porsche with a blonde woman who could be his daughter and disappeared.

Since then, he has managed to do something with his children exactly twice. But in exchange, he has already disappointed them seven times by canceling the meetings at short notice. Yes, I'm keeping count. At least for now.

My oldest daughter Penny is 15 years old and fully immersed in puberty, and it seems that this situation is hardest on her. She and her father were always a unit, his little princess. But there's no trace of that at the moment. Most of the time, he doesn't even bother to answer his damn phone when she tries to reach him.

I see her suffering. She's lost interest in school, and her circle of friends is dwindling visibly. I would love to help her, but how? At the moment, I just can't seem to reach her. Our communication mostly consists of doors slamming.

But back to my current problem. These damn pictures! The article is supposed to go online today. I cooked an Indian dish and had to drive halfway across town to get these damn spices. Thursdays always bring an international post, and now, of all times, nothing is working again. My laptop doesn't recognize the memory card, and the camera won't connect either. I keep plugging and unplugging the cable, hoping the error will magically resolve. Which of course it doesn't. Suddenly, I glance at the small display in the lower right-hand corner. Damn it! So late. I won't be picking up the kids on time again, the second time this cursed week. Annoyed, I close the screen. Grabbing my purse, I walk quickly to the garage. Where's the damn car key? Nervously, I rummage through my chaotic bag, spilling half of its contents on the floor. Finally finding it, I get into the car and speed out of the driveway.

The first stop is the kindergarten to pick up my youngest. She's a real bundle of nerves, but so sweet that you can forgive her anything. Of course, she throws a tantrum right at pickup. It's a real struggle to get her into the car. Like a madwoman, I drive on to the elementary school to pick up my 9-year-old son. He is the calm one in our family and thankfully waits with his best friend relaxed in front of the school. At least one who's not mad at me. Lucky me. And off we go, heading to my daughter's high school. From a distance, I can see her and immediately know that - once again - something is wrong. She stands all alone and pretty annoyed on the street, looking out for me. When I park the car right in front of her feet, she angrily drops onto the passenger seat.

"Penny, I can explain, you know what a loser I am when it comes to technology..." I try to justify myself.

My eldest rolls her eyes in annoyance. "Mum, this time, for once, it's not your fault..." I see tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and automatically, I feel a lump in my throat.

"Mister Smith... he..."

She doesn't need to continue speaking; just hearing that name fills me with such anger again. Right from the start, there have been issues with her physical education teacher, Negan Smith.

I've only seen him twice so far, at parent-teacher conferences, but Penny's stories are enough for me to know that he's an absolute failure as a teacher. He has his favorites whom he praises to the skies, while the less athletic students suffer under his authoritarian ways. My daughter already feels uncomfortable in her own skin, and that jerk doesn't even realize the impact his remarks have on the young girls.

A few years ago, his wife passed away from cancer. A terrible tragedy, but apparently that did not make him more empathetic; quite the opposite.

I'm currently looking in the rearview mirror to avoid hitting anyone in the chaos outside the school. That's all I need on this crappy day. Then I catch sight of none other than Penny's physical education teacher.

"Isn't that him?" I ask excitedly.

My daughter buries her face even further into the backpack in her lap. "Yes, Mom, it's okay, please just drive..."

The anger that had been building up recently had just found a good release.

With the words "Nothing is good...", I yank open my driver's door and head purposefully towards my daughter's physical education teacher, who is just stowing his bag in his car.

"Who do you think you are?" I stand behind him with arms crossed, eagerly awaiting his reaction.

Confused, he turns around to face me and suddenly a big grin spreads across his face. "Negan Smith, nice to meet you, and who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?"

What a cocky jerk!

"The mother of a rather offended young girl, because of you..."

Can't he just drop his arrogant smile for once? Quite unimpressed, he closes the door of his car.

"Penny has so much potential and she's wasting it on the damn bench..."

Such an idiot, he clearly knows who I am.

"Maybe you should listen to the young students as well, instead of just spouting off random remarks at them?"

Amused, he shakes his head. "I did... her excuse for skipping today's P.E. class was menstrual cramps..."

"And in your opinion that's not a valid reason or what? How dare you even pass judgment on that? Your students' bodies are going through changes and such discomforts should be taken seriously..." I respond a bit too loudly, causing some students to turn towards us.

Resigned, he raises his hands. "Of course, but not every damn other week. Maybe you should give your daughter some biology lessons again and explain to her that her P.E. teacher isn't completely from another planet."

Oh God, what does this man think he is..

"And you should work on your teaching skills... Otherwise, maybe I should consider contacting the school board!"

„Oh wow, you're actually a bigger drama queen than your dear daughter!".

Did he really just say that? Did he just seriously insult me? My daughter's teacher. I look at him in disbelief, but he just grins.

"And now she's quiet... I really have to go now, but I'm pretty sure we'll meet again soon." With these words, he jumps into his car and drives off.

Completely perplexed, I walk back to my car and am greeted by my daughter with the words "That was soooo embarrassing.."

7 hours later

Finally peace! Why does it always have to be such a struggle to get the kids to bed? Isn't it unfair that you are a thousand times more tired than the dear little ones? What a crappy day! I'm glad to be freshly showered in my bed and finally have some time off. Just me and my phone, no one else. No more whining, arguing, and crying. As much as I sometimes curse technology, I also love being able to connect with people over the internet. It's fun to respond to comments, the direct exchange with like-minded people is the only positive thing about social media. As I scroll through Instagram, I suddenly see comments coming in at a rapid pace. Confused, I open them. From "Do you always look so good when you cook?" to "Can you cook that for me sometime?" to heart emojis, and they all come from the same account. As I read the name, a shock runs through me. Can this be for real? "Coach Negan" is he not only a tactless asshole, but also a real psychopath? Excited, I click on his account, but apart from a profile picture where he is clearly recognizable, there is no further information.

I quickly open the messaging function and type "What is this???" into my phone. It only takes a few seconds and I receive a response.

"I am a fan 😉"

For a while, I stare at the screen, unable to believe what is happening here.

Suddenly, he sends me a picture. I open it and see a photo of me from my highlights, showing me from my post "Valentine's Day." I had cooked a three-course meal and written a pretty cheesy text back then. It's one of my most liked posts.

"Red lipstick suits you. Matches your fiery nature.." he writes.

What does he want to achieve? Did the confrontation before school hurt him so much that he is trying to provoke me? But to be honest, it seems like he's the one giving me a warning. Well, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that the best defense is a good offense.

"Oh, do you think so? Most men say I look better without wearing anything...I mean, without lipstick, of course.. 😉".

"Are you already in bed?" he asks next. What a bizarre situation? Why does my daughter's teacher want to know where I am? The same teacher who called me a ‚drama queen‘ just a few hours ago.

I keep trying to type a suitable response on my phone and then delete it again. Finally, I write briefly, "Yes, and you?"

"Yes, and I'm studying your profile. Do you realize how crazy you can drive a man with these pictures? Why am I even asking, of course you do. 😉"

The feeling of small electric shocks runs through my body. The whole thing feels strangely forbidden. Maybe what I'm doing here is damn wrong, but right now, the consequences seem pretty irrelevant to me.

"How mean, you can look at my pictures, but you don't have any online yourself."

"That's true, but how about you hear my voice instead?" Attached to this message was his phone number. Okay, this is all moving pretty quickly, in a pretty strange direction. I'm so excited that I can feel my heart pounding wildly in my chest. But what do I have to lose? I haven't felt like this in the last 20 years. Okay, it's a damn bizarre situation, but I'm an adult and single. So I can finally talk to whoever I want. Even with the biggest jerk I've come across lately.

Feeling totally tense, I dial the number and as it rings, it gets even worse. I take a few deep breaths, and suddenly the deep voice on the other end answers with a "What took you so long to decide?" and I can practically feel his grin.

"Well, I had to think for a moment about what would be so sensible about calling my daughter's narcissistic gym teacher in the middle of the night," I say calmly.

"And what would be sensible about that?" he asks with interest.

"I haven't really found a solid reason yet, but maybe you can tell me?"

He thinks for a moment, and I imagine him lying in his bed. A slight tingling sensation spreads in my stomach, which is intensified by his response.

"Well, I can make sure you feel a little better... forget all the everyday crap that's weighing on your pretty shoulders right now."

I briefly close my eyes to focus more on his voice, which really manages to relax me a bit with just that simple sentence.

"And how do you plan to do that?" I ask softly.

"When was the last time you were really well fucked?" As soon as he says it, my lower abdomen tightens, and I automatically press my legs together.

After I take a moment to collect myself, I honestly respond, "That was much too long ago..."

"Oh, poor girl," Negan provocatively replies, but instead of getting upset about it, it triggers completely different feelings in me. "Tell me about what you imagine when you stroke your lonely pussy at night."

I have to swallow briefly to get rid of the extremely dry feeling in my throat.

"I can tell you what I think about when I do it in a moment..." I say softly but firmly.

And his tone changes too. His breathing becomes heavier. "Then tell me, come on," he commands.

"I imagine it's your fingers running over my body and finally sliding my panties to the side and penetrating deep into me..." My cheeks feel like they're glowing. I've never talked like this with anyone before, and now I just did it with a man who is actually a stranger to me.

"Come on, sweetheart... touch yourself for me and tell me if you're wet," he interrupts.

Without thinking, I click on the speaker icon on my display and place the phone next to me on the pillow, then I slide my right hand under my nightgown into my panties and I'm surprised at how aroused I already am, how swollen my clit is, and how sensitive my whole intimate area has become. I sigh softly.

"Fuck, the sweet little sounds you're making... they make my damn cock twitch in my hand with joy..."

Just the thought that he's so aroused by me on the other end sends waves of pleasure through my body.

"I'm already so wet because of you, Negan..." I admit breathlessly.

"You dirty, pretty lady, if I were with you right now, I would slowly penetrate deep into you... you need that now, don't you?"

"Yes!" I can only whisper.

"Okay, now do everything exactly as I tell you, understood?" he demands.

"Yes, please tell me what to do.." I focus solely on his voice, completely tuning out everything else.

"Take off your panties. Use your index and middle fingers to gently stroke over your mons pubis and then slowly over your outer labia, but not more, just right there.."

Immediately, I follow his instructions. The air feels cool on my bare lower abdomen. I feel strangely exposed, even though I am alone in my bedroom, but it's not uncomfortable, quite the opposite. I begin to caress myself gently.

"How does that feel?" his voice breaks the silence again.

"Good, but I want more.." I plead.

"I already knew that.. Bend your legs and spread them wide.. as far as you can.." He gives me a brief moment to comply with his instructions. "Now push your pelvis even further forward.. Imagine I'm between your legs and you want to present me with your beautiful pussy, you would like that, wouldn't you?"

"Yes.." I say and nod vigorously, even though no one can see me.

"Such a good girl.. and now run your index finger through your slit, spread your juices.."

I can't and don't want to hold back my moans now. There is silence for a while at the other end, then I speak heavily.

"Are you also pleasuring your cock for me?" I ask as I continue to touch myself.

"Oh, sweetheart, so your thoughts are currently only about that.." he says snappily. "Yes, I am, and if you keep moaning so sweetly into the phone, it won't be long, so it's time for you to start massaging your clit, but don't be too timid, circle it with two fingers and use some pressure, even if you're very sensitive now, you can take it.."

Oh God, that was exactly what I needed right now. My body felt like in ecstasy and I could feel the orgasm slowly building up.

"Don't come yet," he commanded, and on cue, I immediately removed my fingers from my most sensitive spot.

"Now, bring your knees close to your body!“

"Yes," I replied, completely exhausted. "You're doing it perfectly, how much I would love to see you in this position right now, just the damn thought!" I could clearly hear him softly moaning. This sound made my body twitch with excitement.

"Penetrate yourself with two fingers... nice and slow. Focus entirely on the feeling of stretching your pussy wide... Tell me when you're all the way in!"

"Now," I whispered, already quite spent.

"Then add your ring finger, once you've done that, you can come intensely as a reward, I promise."

Slowly, I press the third finger into me, which initially causes a bittersweet pull, but I'm so wet that it's not a problem.

Without me telling him, Negan knows that I fulfilled his request.

"So perfect, sweetheart! And now, pleasure your clit! Bring yourself to climax and don't hold back any sound, I want to hear every sweet noise from you."

With the first gentle touch, my body twitches like crazy.

"Negan, please come with me," I stammer into the phone.

"Yes, I promise, beautiful," he replies breathlessly.

And these words are enough for me to come as intensely as I haven't in the past years. My thighs tremble uncontrollably and my heart almost jumps out of my chest. My lower abdomen contracts in waves and I can barely breathe. It feels like I am weightless for a few seconds.

"Do you feel good?" he asks after a short pause.

"Perfect.." I reply and can't gather my thoughts yet.

"Okay, then I expect you tomorrow at 3:30 p.m. for a parent-teacher meeting at the school, and, by the way, without panties.. Good night!" After these words, I only hear a beep on the line.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Lack of Accessibility

Is it petty to just be, like, really really sad right now?

I came to Tumblr because of the Dragon Age fandom. I hadn't been in a fandom in so long, not after the first one, which ... look, getting into a fandom while having a nervous breakdown is a bad thing, okay? Especially when that fandom has named you a BNF for some reason and the responses end up going from "nagging daily to finish a fic" to "long essays shitting on everything you ever wrote" and you're a people-pleaser by nature. Just ... that on top of everything else is ... not recommended. You have no idea how phobic I was of the very idea of fandom. I literally flinch when the media in question comes up (though I have some very good friends because of that fandom and I would not be without them; just ... I will avoid that particular piece of media the same way I do anything overly zealously Christian and conversations about politics with my mother, and for the same reason - my sanity).

Anyway, point is that the Dragon Age fandom gave me back my love of and, more importantly, trust in fandoms. Sure, there's some toxic bullshit, but it isn't like that. Y'all have been so wonderful, and between how awesome the fandom is and how DA: O itself really helped me cope during a particularly dark time, for all I flag up its flaws, I'm always going to have a soft spot in my heart for this franchise.

So of course it makes me happy that everyone's finding something to love about Veilguard and spreading it all over Tumblr. Picking their blorbos and squeeing about Assan and all of that, and it's everywhere. And on one level, I'd love to join in. I'd like to start thinking about what my Rook would be like - which of my internal presets would I send after Solas first? What faction would a Molly be a part of? A Jessie? A Jallira?

...Just ... why, when I probably won't even be able to play it?

One of the reviews had the reviewer literally screw up a livestream by getting knocked over a cliff because her reflexes weren't up to it, and highlighted just how much you need those reflexes and that dodge to actually get through the game. And she couldn't manage. And she's not, as far as I'm aware, fucking disabled. I, on the other hand, am. And it doesn't sound like easy mode and accessibility options are going to get me out of "you have to constantly dodge-roll or experience Death By Cliff".

For most things, I can budget my spoons appropriately. If I want to go to a convention - a big one like MCM or a small one like Dragonmeet - I can plan my life accordingly. But that's a one-off. So is "I'm going to bake things", or "I'm going to make soup", or "I'm going to Borough Market". I can have rest breaks after these things. I can plan them for good days. Most of the time, I can cope with this. I hate it, but I can cope.

But ... I mean, how do you do that kind of thing for a video game that runs so many hours? Too many breaks and you lose the momentum - far too many abandoned playthroughs of BG3 have taught me that. Waiting for good days could have me waiting a week or more before I'm up to even touching it again. If it's not a bad pain day, it could still be a day where I'm having spasms, and believe me, I don't touch anything that requires precision when I'm having spasms ... but sometimes I don't know until I'm trying to do a thing, so I could end up dodge-rolling myself off a cliff if I go to the spasm place.

Thankfully, I'm not the sort of person who turns around and resents the people who are looking so forward to it when I can only sit here and dither over what I'm going to do about this whole mess. I'm glad people are enjoying the anticipation. Just seeing it makes me sad, and I don't want to block the tags because a) I still have some tiny shred of hope and b) that's too many tags.

I resent the fuck out of EA and Bioware, though. I get that they couldn't necessarily go back to DA:O's real-time-with-pause tactical structuring, but moving us to something that's ... probably closer to Kingdoms of Amalur than anything Souls-like but there's still an element of that latter ... anyway, it's a giant fuck-you to the disabled. I've had one of those before. I got chosen for the closed beta of Secret World: Legends when Funcom was making its changes to The Secret World. I was not alone in flagging up that everything from the reticle targeting to the particle effects to the random-roulette light-up stuff all over the UI was a massive trigger for vertigo and migraines. And we all got the same response: "This is what we're doing and we're not changing it; sucks to be you". And it really wasn't that much more polite than my paraphrase, either. (Which is another problem with Veilguard for me, because even that first gameplay trailer full of prologue gave me a migraine that lasted for like two days; part of it was the particle effects, part of it was the glowy redesigns of all the demons, but mostly it was the dodge-rolling making the camera bounce around like a fucking squash ball.)

I resent EA and Bioware for jumping so entirely on the ARPG train that even the best their accessibility options can do don't help. I also resent them for not giving us a fucking demo. I know that AAA games don't do that anymore, for some reason, but how the fuck am I supposed to know whether or not I can play it if I don't have a demo? Steam gives a two-hour return window, and adding the time taken in character creation plus the prologue, that doesn't give that much time to really get a feel for whether or not it's playable, especially not when it depends on the kind of day I'm having.

There are a lot of reasons I hate being disabled. I think most of them boil down to "the people who make accessibility a fucking nightmare". That thing about Borough Market, for example, where I'd have to take a fairly roundabout route to even get there because the most direct route is via a train station that has raised platforms and no elevators, and those stairs were a nightmare even before the cane. And of course, video games. Far too many video games. Including, it seems, the franchise that really got me back into video games in the first place, and one of the first things that really gave me joy after fleeing the abusive ex.

Fuck my life entirely.

[darpow]

TASK #14 LET'S TAKE A TRIP

is your character local to Merrock, or did they move to town from somewhere else? Darrius moved to Merrock from Chicago, Illinoi a few years ago.

does your character travel frequently? Not really, no!

what was their favorite spot they’ve ever traveled to? Does Merrock count? So far, he's pretty fond of New Orleans, though, just for all the history and culture.

what was their least favorite spot that they’ve ever traveled to? Well... he once watched a Bears vs. Packers game. In Wisconsin.

is there a place that they’ve always wanted to visit? He probably has a bucket list, at this point. He'd love to see more of Europe, though, and South America, too.

if they had to take a solo trip anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Brazil. Just because it seems like it would be a place full of things to learn and see.

if they had to take a family/group trip anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Does going back to Chicago with all of his siblings count? Because that wouldn't be a bad idea!

do they prefer to fly or drive when it comes to traveling? He doesn't really care, he's never been a huge road trip guy, but he can see the joy in it if it's just for a smaller trip.

when traveling, do they have an itinerary, or are they doing things as the inspiration hits? Itinerary, for sure. There are always a few things that Darrius feels like he absolutely has to see, and he'll make sure to get those things on a list before he heads out. But he does try to save room for 'inspirational' ideas.

hotel, motel, bed & breakfast, camping, rental home – where are they staying when they travel? Not picky! Rental homes are fun, and he loves bed and breakfasts, but he's had good (and bad) experiences with pretty much everything.

light packer or heavy packer? Light packer, but he always has enough. Never underdoes it!

do they start packing way ahead of time, or is this a last minute, throw it in a suitcase kind of thing? Definitely ahead of time! Have to start packing early -- especially since it normally involves laundry. He'd always rather be prepared than feel like he's stressed out trying to get it all done.

most often forgotten item when traveling? Darrius doesn't truly forget a lot when he's traveling, but normally it would be stuff from his bathroom bag -- a razor, aftershave, eye drops, that sort of thing. Thankfully, normally easy to replace items.

the item they double, triple check for when traveling? His phone.

do they splurge on trips, or try to do them on a budget? Budget enough that there can be some money set aside for splurging on certain items, of course!

are they the kind to try all of the local cuisine, or do they stick with the stuff that they know they will like? Absolutely trying the local cuisine! He would never go to a new city and eat at McDonald's, for example. Well, he would, but... as a last ditch kind of thing.

more the adventurous type, or do they like to party and hit up the nightlife? Adventurous! But Darrius will go out and party, too, if the time calls for it.

international travel, or stick to the States? Stick to the States, for the most part, but he'd love to see more of the world, too.

do they record their travels any way, like in a travel journal, scrapbooking, online, on social media? Social media, but he also takes photos and prints them to have them in an album, he's a little bit old school.

and lastly… do they use the pillow provided, or their own? Provided!

[free--therapy]

Anon again! I was just reading some of your posts about shame/guilt and they came at the right time honestly.

One of the things I've been struggling with recently is guilt and especially shame about the same old thoughts (again 😭) and you know I feel like I've really internalized it kinda. I usually get over it but then when I have any spiral again, I get new "what ifs" about those same thoughts/incidents again which make me worry.

(the incidents being the same mistakes or unfair somethings I did to people sometimes, watching that content or reading those hentai manga, random lie I told, random selfish thing I did and honestly anything I can remember that sounds even remotely wrong.)

(Recently I had a kinda breakdown because there's this instagram account that makes video edits of a game I play but the admin tends to sometimes delete some posts and there was this one post I really loved so I downloaded it in case they deleted it and sometime later I just posted it on my ig story on my personal account since it's a video I like, of course I didn't claim it as mine or anything but I remembered that recently and started overthinking if that was wrong of me? If I shouldn't have posted it on my story at all? Or if I shouldn't have downloaded it all? Then started wondering what I should do....like if I should tell the admin about it or if I should apologise and stuff. It might sound silly but sometimes spiralling makes me overthink and break down over stuff like that too and sends me in a slef-judging spree)

Of course one of the biggest concerns remains the need to be liked or accepted by everyone especially people I interact with on social media. When I'm not doing good mentally, and if I remember those incidents then I keep thinking "what if these people knew that I did that? Or that I watched that?"

And when I try to tell myself no one is perfect and these people might have things they have done too then my mind goes "yeah but it surely won't be as weird or bad as things you've done." It's like my mind always tries to convince me that my situation is more weird and worse than others or something

Thankfully I'm aware now that a big part of me thinking like that is just me subconsciously judging myself more than anyone else but I can't help but think about the what if you know? Like "sure I'm judging myself but still, what if they knew? Wouldn't they cancel me?" Stuff like that.

Worse yet, when I'm in one of such spirals, if someone on the internet tries to be nice/kind to me, it just makes me feel guilty like I don't deserve any of their nice words because my minds thinks "if they knew you did such things in the past or had such opinions then maybe they wouldn't say those things to you"

It feels weird and lonely when I can't believe or feel deserving of someone's nice words to me.

But you know, when I say something nice to someone, I don't think whether they deserve it or not or don't consider their past at all. Like if I say something like "I hope you'll be happy" to someone in real life or online, either way, I mean it regardless of anything. Because I know their past or personality or what they did and any stuff like that doesn't matter when it comes to being kind to them. I mean, if they're having a hard time, even if it is because of their mistakes, a hard time is a hard time regardless right? so if they need some kindness and I have an opportunity to give them that then I should.

Saying something nice to a stranger on the internet shouldn't involve taking their past or their mistakes into consideration at all I believe. They deserve a "good day" just as much as anyone else, I know this. Yet I can't apply this to myself....maybe I think that what if everyone doesn't think like that? What if the person who said something nice to me isn't like that? What if they hate exactly the thing that I did in the past?

So much noise in my head recently lol and I've been overthinking a lot but I also believe I'll be okay eventually. Even if sometimes I can't believe it, I'll still tell myself I deserve it all too. That I deserve being happy, deserve a good job, deserve people who love me and deserve kindness from strangers too. I just believe and hope that I'll be okay!

Though I do want to ask, is it common/normal for people to have spirals like these randomly? Especially if it's someone prone to overthinking?

Hey Anon,

I know it's hard to overcome the guilt you have surrounding a lot of the things you've done in your past, but comparing yourself and what you personally deem as "worse" than others is likely not true at all. I believe everyone has a lot of embarrassing things they've done that they would consider to be really bad and possibly a reason for others to reject them, but at the same time while they know and understand embarrassment, they're also more sympathetic to others that have embarrassing things as well. We are always our harshest critic and find it so much easier to forgive and accept others' mistakes/faults/flaws because we know personally how horrible it feels to know we're not perfect and that if someone perceives us as imperfect, they may potentially reject or chastise us. We'll always see our mistakes as worse than others when really everyone makes mistakes.

I hate that cancel culture is a thing on the internet. It's honestly such a cowardly thing considering everyone has done something in their lives that could easily be rubbed in their face to make them feel bad too, but some people just love the whole angry mob mentality because it's easier to criticize others instead of looking within. It's still not a nice feeling either, but I know it's kept a lot of people back from just being themselves because they fear the angry mob will reject you.

Anon, you have to stop believing that you need to be worthy of receiving love or good things. Love should always be unconditional and I'm sorry that people in your life have made you feel like it has to be something you have to earn. I'll tell you one thing, even though we're strangers and I know some of the things you've entrusted me about you and the things you hold a lot of shame around, I would never reject you or believe that you are ever unworthy of any of the good stuff you should be experiencing or feeling. I know that it's hard to believe that though because you don't believe it for yourself. You are a human being and that means you will make mistakes and have flaws, JUST LIKE ME! That's what makes us all the same and it's just silly to me that our society has made people think they have to fit into the box of perfection (which is an unattainable concept btw :P) I felt exactly the same way as you though, and I had to really figure out a way to convince myself and rewire my brain to believe that I am worthy of all the good things I wanted and that I didn't have to do or say or be a certain way to get it. If you can say it to someone else and mean it, you can definitely do the same to yourself and learn to believe it.

Though I do want to ask, is it common/normal for people to have spirals like these randomly? Especially if it's someone prone to overthinking?

Yes, your brain is trying to go back to old programming because it's familiar and what it's used to. This is why it takes time and continuous conscious effort to rewire the brain into something new and unfamiliar. There's no need to feel discouraged by it.

[herstarburststories]

You Have A Home

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader

Summary: After a call from Y/N, Sam comes back town to help -- and brings Dean with him.

Requests: N°1 heyhey, could you do a Sam x reader where they went to college togehter and later meet again and they realise their feelings for eachother...xx + N°2: can you do a college sam headcanon with medicine student reader

A/N: This was fun! The monster here is mentioned in season 6, when the boys ask Bobby for advice on how to kill it. This is my first Samgirl long imagine, with Dean being the flirty he is. I wrote this almost one year ago, so it's more crude and I'm nervous to be posting it! And my piece for @cajunquandary 's 600 challenge, my prompt was monster of the week. Dividers by @talesmaniac89!

Dean's eyes remained on the road when the bitter statement left his body, tangled with a wry chuckle, “I can't believe you are still in touch with those people.”

“Those people?” Sam arched elbows, slightly skeptical by his brother's tone, “They were my friends, Dean.”

“Sammy, all our friends? Dead. They all die. Or worse.” He glanced at him for a moment, pursing his lips together. It might not be an easy assignment, but was part of the job. Sammy had tried to run away plenty times and always came back, when would he understand? “We don't get to have friends. You should've learned that.”

“They are not our friends, they are my friends. Also, they don't know about the hunting life, they aren't in harm.” Sammy hissed once the other locked his green eyes on the road again. Dean sighed, moving one hand away and up from the steering wheel in a rendition gesture.

“Whatever you say, man. I'm just warning you, this doesn't usually end up good for them.”

Sam scoffed, Dean could get on his nerves sometimes, “We saved many people that got to have a good life.”

“Yeah, but those people didn't know us before that. I told you when you left Stanford--”

“I didn't keep contact, okay!? I just... I just still have a phone that they have the number of. No social media, no calls on birthdays.” Nervously gesticulating, he added, “I know how to keep them safe, Dean.”

“So, old friend?” The eldest Winchester asked after the few minutes of silence that followed Sam's outburst, “Female old friend?”

“Yes. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Dean smirked, and Sam to rolled his eyes at his behavior, “Keep it in your pants.”

He'd let out a malicious laughter before turning on the radio, the first guitar sounds of AC/DC playing in the background.

“I think you'll be the one not keeping it, Sammy.”

“Hello?” The woman in nothing but a towel who had opened the door greeted them with a question, her brown eyes glaring at the two men with clear confusion.

Dean had no shame to check her out, innerly celebrating that she was still wet from her shower. Perhaps visiting Sam's friends wasn't that big mistake. “Hey, you.”

She grimaced at Dean for two seconds before turning her attention to Sam again, sudden recognition written on her face.

“Sam? Sam Winchester?” He nodded, smiling that light-hearted boyish grin at her. Not caring about her dressings, she just threw herself at Sammy, hugging him tightly. “I missed you!” She pulled away only to hit his shoulder. Her short stature didn't match Sam's, but he'd still make a grimace at her attempt of slap. “Why didn't you call? God, your hair grew a lot. Listen, I have some scissors.”

“Tried that, didn't work.” Dean interrupted their reencounter, trying to get in the conversation. An usual lopsided grin on his face, “Dean Winchester, Sam's brother.”

“Layla, Sam's friend.” She gave him a friendly smile in return, opening space for them to pass through the door before closing it, “Come in, I need to change in clothes.”

“I wouldn't even dream of that. Seriously.”

Layla would just wiggle one of her brows at Dean's comments, not impressed by it, “Ele é sempre assim? (Is he always like this?)”

Thankfully, Sam still remembered a bit of his friend's native language. He just chuckled, managing to apologize for Dean's typical Dean behavior, “Unfortunately. Sinto muito. (I'm sorry)”

“(Y/N) is in the kitchen. I'll be right back.” Her accent was thicking stronger duo the comfortability around Sam. Excusing herself, the caramel skinned girl leaded upstairs.

“What did she say?” Dean asked, side glancing at the path Layla had just gone on, not even sure of which language she'd just spoken, much less what was said. Sammy didn't bother replying, satisfied to grin at his obvxion brother. “Dude, come on!”

“Sam!” A well-known voice filled the room as the image of (Y/N) appeared in front of them, dressing your loyal cook's avental. You didn't think twice before jumping on Sam. “I missed you, giant!”

He, like always, caught you with a light-hearted laughter, “I missed you too, cupcake.” You two spent a few moments like this, enjoying each other's warm and long lost touch, until Dean cleared his throat. You finally went back to the ground, embarrassed by having a stranger to see that level of intimacy between you and Sam, “This is Dean, my--”

“Handsome brother. Hello, cupcake.” Dean was so going to tease Sam for the rest of his life for it.

“You really live up for Sam's description.” You giggled, heading towards the kitchen “Come in, I'm baking.”

“So, you and Layla still live together?”

“Most of the time, yes. You know how she is, comes and goes. Never wanted to stay in a place for too long and got a job that supported that.” The boys followed you, Dean examining the kitchen and trying to discover what you were cooking through the smell, while Sam couldn't take his eyes on you, “Apparently, just like you.”

Even though your back was facing them as you checked the food, the bite didn't pass unnoticed, “I had to leave, (Y/N)”

“I understand that, Sam. But you never called or texted. It was like I--” You quickly corrected yourself, “We never existed for you.”

“It's not like that.” Sam sighed, how could he justify? He knew you wouldn't buy a simple excuse. You were smart, and knew him too well to swallow a 'I went on a trip with my brother and just decided that college wasn't my deal' and leave it for that.

“I'm here!” Layla declared, arriving into the room with an excited smile, it was good to have the gang back together. Although, the tangible tension almost made her go back to the shower, “Am I interrupting something?”

“A sitcom DR.” Dean answered with sarcasm, spreading his figure on the chair when you turned around with an apple pie in your hands “What about we talk about the ca-- Is this pie?”

“We heard a scream followed by a loud roar and (Y/N) stayed near the camping part because there was still a signal and I went looking for who it was. When I got there, the thing ran away. Jorge's body... No human did that. His chest was cracked open irregularly, as if it was done by an animal and his heart looked weird. Like it was squeezed and drawn on up somehow?”

“We got a Samia.” Dean stated, relaxing on his spot. Some sault, rosemary and fire would do the job just fine, “Let me guess, it left a clawn near the body or inside it?”

Layla nodded, “Right in the chest or what lasted of it.”

“Are you okay? Finding the body in that state.” A comprehensive manner englobed Sam's question, whom noticed the normality with his friend described finding a shattered body.

“Just some guts.” She shrugged, a grimace was all the reaction they'd get. Crying wouldn't help, neither being terrorized as they expected her too. “I've seen Grey's Anatomy enough not to care about it.”

“Well, I'm literally a medicine student and I am still not okay with that. Especially after you made me go and check the body.” You argued, glaring at your best friend who'd only roll her eyes in response.

“I needed a professional to say if he was dead or not!”

“You need a therapist.”

Dean got up, looking straight at Layla. Time to play the hero in shining armor, “Don't worry with that, we will take care of it.”

Frowning, you were the one to respond, “Do you work for the police now or?”

“Are implying that we investigate it by ourselves?” Your best friend added.

Dean couldn't believe his brother. How the fuck did he let them get inside without saying they didn't know about the hunting business? It was a luck shot that they didn't think much when he said Samia.

“Nope. Not you two. We will do it.” The blonde one said, pointing at them with a smirk.

“I agree, we will do it.” Layla replied, matching his taunt smile.

“Sam, I'm not letting you and your brother do it by yourself. Jorge was my professor, I knew him. Besides, we found the body.” You got on your feet and crossed your arms, waiting for a response. Sam always had a sort of hero complex, ready to help no matter what, but there was no way you'd be letting him go into danger with his brother. Getting in your dormitory to kill a cockroach back then or facing an idiot during a bar fight to protect one of your friends was something, but this? They were talking about looking for an assassin. What if something happened to him? You were the one who called. All on you. The thought of Sam getting hurt for any reason was unbearable, but because of you? You weren't willing to do that.

“You would be in danger, (Y/N). You both.” He tried to explain, internally hoping you'd accept his reasoning and let it go. Sam didn't want you to become one of the friends who knew about this life, you deserve more. He already lost one woman he loved in this city, he couldn't lose another.

You huffed in frustration, “Just like you will!” 

“It's different.” As he was terrified of, you insisted. Arms crossed still and eyes locked with his, determined to get something from him. Sam was smart enough to know that you would keep it going. Perhaps he could give you a short explanation, “Me and my brother, we are used to this. We hunt things like that.”

Layla tilted her head to the side. The way Sam talked remembered her of animal hunting, although she highly doubted that was the case, “Little more explanation?'”

“Monsters are real. Vampires, werewolves, spirits. The list goes on. Call us crazy. Roll the credits.” Sarcasm saltered every word of Dean's as he gestured up and down with a cocky smile. Everyone glared at him, a special furious look from his brother, “What? I thought they knew what we did and that's why she called.”

“Sam?” Your voice was fragile when you said his name, a demonstration that you would believe him through the fear of the truth, but that he had to say it.

Sam laid his hazel eyes on you. God, how he wished he didn't have to confirm anything, to break your vision of world so abruptly, “Dean is right. Supernatural things are real. I know it sounds--”

“Unbelievable? Problematic? Scary?”

“Yeah, all of them.” Sam offered you a humorless smile, then holding your hand the way he used to when you were nervous about an exam, “But I wouldn't lie to you, cupcake.”

The silence was broken by Layla opening a bottle of Whiskey, pouring them for the three people in the room besides herself. You rolled your eyes at your best friend, while Sam wore a tiny smile and Dean was astonished.

Noticing the eyes glued, the latina just shrugged “What? If you are gonna tell me that Dracula is real and you are a sort of Buffy's apprentice, then we will need some alcohol.”

“Why did you call?” Sammy asked, his brows knotted together, mouth slight open as he waited for your response. “You didn't know what I did. And he wasn't my professor at Stanford. Then why did you call, (Y/N)?”

You could make up a hundred excuses. Lie and say he was the one friend besides Layla that you had somehow a way to get to. Appeal to the excuse of 'I felt something weird about the death and you said I should call if I ever had a problem of any kind'. But for as much as you felt horrible for using a death as a pretext for calling him, that was partially the truth. You already had put yourself into a mess of monsters and a drained heart, it couldn't be scarier than being honest to Sam and to yourself.

At least, you hoped so. But your heart was rushing like when you saw Jorge's body. Jesus, when did love become so morbid?

You took a deep breath, oxygen barely achieving your lungs, and then started to talk.

“I wanted to call you the minute that you left, Sam. I almost did a million times.” You answered, looking down at the bottle of a sort of plant that he was putting in a dark green bag. “I thought about what you could be doing, what was so important that you couldn't send me a message. But you just didn't want to call, I guess.”

“I wanted to call, of course I did.” You scoffed at his statement, looking up to match his eyes, “(Y/N), I'm serious.”

“You didn't even come to Jess' funeral, Sam. Layla said that maybe you needed to leave to clear your mind, that was too much to deal with. But I was so worried, and sad and confused and I wanted to talk to you because you would understand, you always did. About anything. And I wanted to give you some sort of comfort, but--” You lifted your hands and shrugged your shoulder, a broken chuckle leaving your body. “But you weren't here.”

“You stopped leaving messages after two weeks. Calling was gone when it made a moth.” You sniffed. Sam's lips curved into a pure, cautelous grin. God, he was always so sweet. “The emails took two months.”

“You were never good with dates. I gave you a calendar in your freshman week.” Your teeth met your lower lip. He didn't answer, only nodding at your affirmation, omitting the fact that he still had the calendar between latin books and pieces of newspapers, “Yet, you remember all of it.”

Sam leaned forward, holding your hand with all the delicacy you would expect from a sculptor. It had been too long since he hugged you, and his touch made all your skin tickle with warmth. “I missed you too, (Y/N). I thought about you all those years.”

“So, Cupcake?”

"Let's focus on the case, Dean."

“Then you can go back and eat your cupcake?” He remarked with a grin. His brother just huffed, pointing the flashlight through the trees, “So, Layla…”

Sam rolled his eyes, like he usually did when Dean started being too Dean for his liking, “Dean. The case.”

Before he could make another teaseful comment, a roar invaded their audition. The hunters gave each other a quick glance before heading towards the direction of the noise.

Shaking the salt and rosemary mixture in his hands, Dean smirked, “That's it. Time to shine, cupcake.”

“I have to admit. Being patched up by a doctor is better than by Dean.”

A surprised, half relieved laughter came out your body as you finished another stitch on Sam's arm. That boy was unbelievable; openly talking and making jokes about his brother, who was also being patched up by your best friend in company of a bottle of whiskey, while he spoke about Layla's name being a rock song. You were working on a large wound on his shoulder-- which you were sure that was full of dirt from the forest.

Medicine student, but I'll take that complement.” You winked at him, gaining a soft grin from Sammy, “I was expecting more blo-- Why are you smiling? I'm touching a recent wound. It doesn't look dangerous, but I'm sure it is supposed to hurt. A lot.”

Sam's answer came out easily, the bare, vulnerable truth: “I'm happy you are here.”

You looked at him, his hair longer than before, but the soft simper remained on his face. You bit your lip to hold a giggle; her heart dared to hope. What he expected when he said things like this? A quiet contentment spread through his expression while he watched your reaction.

“You should have come home sooner.” 

His mouth formed a line, “I don't have a home, (Y/N). It's just Dean, me and the road now.”

“No, Sam.” Shaking your head lightly, you intertwined your fingers with his. His life was dangerous, you couldn't afford the luxury of waiting even more to share what you had finally admitted to yourself in the moment he walked through the door. It didn't seem like the easiest, simpler situation. But the only hard thing you couldn’t go through was to be away from Sam Winchester. He lingered on you for years, you were done letting him run away. It was time to hold his hand and walk together. “You should've come home sooner. To me.”

Comment & reblog. Feedback is magic! Check my masterlist ♡ Tags in reblog!

[oswaldsleftbicep]

the boys when their human!gn!so is homesick

guess who got dumped lmao

genre: comfort, lil bit of angst

cw: i'm trying a new format for this cuz i didn't want it to get too repetitive

would use magic to try and recreate some aspects of your old world. there's a flower you love that doesn't exist in nightmare? boom, now it does. you miss that one bird that won't shut up in the morning? oh look, it seemed to follow you to nightmare. ofc they can't recreate everything, particularly people and pets and media, but they try :,)

❧ lucia, mefy (tries to pretend like it's no big deal but it makes you so happy to know he listens), lucas, mikael (same as mefy, only mikael probably does this more often)

listens to you talk about your old world for hours, and doesn't mind at all when you go on tangents about this one girl from your third grade class who totally stole your cow shaped eraser but never got in trouble for it. they want to know every little thing about your old world that you have to share; fun stories, sad stories, the lore from your favorite obscure tv show, tell them everything.

❧ lucia (gets so into the drama, what a nosy man lol), levy (thinks it's like having a poorly written book read to him), mikael, oswald (poor man tries to keep up but cannot wrap his head around some things, he tries tho and listens attentively)

if you mention a food or drink you love but can't seem to find in nightmare, they'll try to recreate it. they'll look through several cook books and have you taste test countless ingredients and products, just to see if they're getting close to the original from your world. when they eventually get it right, the recipe is copied down several times so that they'll always have it, and they make sure the ingredients are always easily accessible.

❧ kaim (you can't tell what his intentions were at first, but you understand after many instances of him shoving a spoon into your mouth to taste test and his frustration at trying to get it perfect), oswald (he's not the best at cooking but mans would grow all the ingredients and even do some gmo type stuff to get what you're looking for), noel (not a cook, but he tries, also does something similar to oswald)

doesn't really know how to handle it at first, they just can't really comprehend what you're feeling and understand why you miss the things you do so much. they aren't good at words of comfort, but thankfully their actions have always spoke louder than words; all they can offer you is a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and their best attempt to empathize with you. and sometimes that's really all you need.

❧ noel, levy (he's just awkward like that, but internally he's panicking, trying to figure out how to help), mefy (he's probably never been homesick in his life, but he knows the feeling of something being missing), mikael (he was more like this toward the beginning of him knowing you but he got better with handling it after a while), ricardo, kaim

tries to find similarities between your world and theirs. you mentioned a cute little cafe that sold delicious fruit parfaits? guess what, they found a cafe similar to what you described in town, and you'll never guess what's on their menu. there was a big tree you liked to climb as a kid that had a hole in its trunk where you stored little treasures? hey, come with them on a lil walk, they want to show you something. they're always on the look out whenever they go anywhere and keep your stories in mind, searching for little bits of your world in thiers.

❧ lucas, ricardo (he goes into town so often that he knows it like the back of his hand, he'll think of so many places to take you), noel (feels bad that he's not great at comforting you with words, so he takes you to places he feels are similar as a little surprise)

learns more about your home life, old routine, and even the culture you grew up in and tries to incorporate as much of it into your new life, and even their own, as possible. they'll let you add decorations to the room you share to make it feel more like your old home. they'll learn and use words or phrases you used in your day to day, heck if you're up for it they'll be down to learn your native language. they'll rearrange what they're used to in order to make your new normal feel like the old.

❧ oswald (i just feel like learning langauges and cultures comes easy for him, even tho he's not book smart), lucas, noel (he'll notice you doing something and just,, decide to do it too, albiet not entirely correct, but the way he looks over at you to see if you noticed and if you're happy makes you appreciate the effort), lucia (would love certain routines like siestas or tea time, he'd be like "why isn't this law??")

[transmalewife]

my extremely enlightened opinion on detransitioners is sucks to be you no, sincerely. I can't imagine how horrible it must feel to have dysphoria because of your own choices, and having to live with that sounds horrible. but you know what else is horrible? having dysphoria through no choice of your own and not being able to get it treated because your family believe transtrenders are a thing. I do believe we desperately need some form of social suport for people who detransition, and i believe that the trans community should be the one to provide it, because who else will? we all know how cis society treats anyone with a fucked up gender, no matter how they got there. But until you stop joining the enemy, broadcasting terf propaganda, and blaming an entire marginalized group for what was at most a few people giving you an unrealistic or untrue vision of what it means to be trans, in a way that actively makes that marginalization worse, we can't do that. Because i'll see someone post about potentially regretting their transition in a trans group and my immediate, though thankfully internal, reaction is fear and distrust. But where else would they go? Who else are they gonna ask for help? Because it looks like it's either us or terfs, so we should really step the fuck up and figure this out. Likewise, allowing the possibility of regret to even enter discussions with young trans people is a necessity (within the community, because the topic really doesn't need more attention outside of it), because otherwise they get trapped between the mainstream voice of society, the media, and probably their famiies telling them they'll definitely regret it and using hurtful, transphobic language to do so, and the trans community who provides much needed comfort, and unwavering support at the same time. We need to create an area for questioning one's transition, exploring if it's really what they need in the long term, that's divorced from agression and transphobia. We need to accept people who don't medically transition, because that's the only way to give acceptance to people who haven't medically transitioned yet, and to give them time to figure this out And of course, we need to support and help them with whatever decision they make. I'm not talking about gatekeeping here, I'm talking about creating resources about regret and detransition that aren't painfully transphobic, I'm talking about taking your friend who looks like they're kinda rushing into medical transition aside and playing the devil's advocate for a few minutes, so they can test their motivations by arguing for them against someone who isn't the actual devil. I asked a close friend of mine to do that for me before surgery, and i really needed that, because hearing the arguments against and risks from someone who wasn't using transphobic language, who wasn't questioning my personhood and who i knew had my best interests at heart was the only way i could be sure surgery was the right choice. And at the end of the day, there will always be some people who regret medical transition, just as there will always be people who regret any kind of medical treatment. Restricting access to rhinoplasty to everyone with a deviated septum because some people regret getting a nose job would be ridiculous, but so would be ostracizing everyone who does regret it and denying them any support.

[rosecorcoranwrites]

When a Plot Hole is Not a Plot Hole (or, at Least, When It Doesn't Matter)

Much like 45 million other people, I have recently viewed Bird Box. I also watched The Ritual and re-watched A Quiet Place. All of this got me thinking about the horror genre, yet again, but it’s too soon for another “Thoughts on Horror” post. Thankfully I also watched a Youtube video about world building in the Divergent series, which gave me an idea for a more far-reaching analysis not just of horror, but of genre and plot holes in general.

A Matter of Genre

The fact of the matter is that Bird Box, A Quiet Place, and Divergent have gaping plot holes (The Ritual doesn’t. The Ritual is great… but freaking horrifying, so watch with caution). These plot holes, however, are only a problem in one of those stories, and this is due to genre, and I will climb onto my genre-soapbox for as long as it takes for people to realize that different genres work differently, and need to be read or watched differently.

Let’s step back a minute, and I'll explain what I mean. In my senior year of high school, we read The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. My class loved it, not least because it was a welcome break from all the depressing literature foisted on us throughout our high school career. I was also a student aid in another class that read the same book and got to eavesdrop on their class discussions. I sat in the back, filing papers, and heard the students say they didn't like the book because, quote, "It was so unrealistic." The Little Prince? Unrealistic? You don't say! I'm not sure I have ever heard a more idiotic critique of a book. Yes, The Little Prince is unrealistic. It's a children's-book-esque fantasy/fairytale about a prince from another (tiny) planet who's in love with a rose. It's not supposed to be realistic!

A similar phenomenon happens when people—both Christians and atheists—treat the entire Bible as one genre. It's not! It contains poetry, myth, history, genealogy, letters, biography, parables, apocalyptic visions, and law codes. If you read poetry like you would read a law code, or a letter the way you read a myth, you're probably going to miss out on most of the meaning.

Back to my point, different genres require different ways of being read or watched. There are varying amounts of belief one should be required to suspend. Fantasy requires more suspension of disbelief than sci-fi, because the audience needs to accept that magic and magical creatures exist, whereas sci-fi only needs them to accept that humans have advanced to some future scientific point. Both genres, however, need internally consistent world building, no matter what other wonders we are shown. Otherwise, the audience will be taken out of the story, and the point of these genres is to immerse the readers or viewers into a believable, if fantastic, world. If magic works a certain way, it always needs to work that way. If smaller spaceships can’t use FTL, then no little ships should be shown using FTL unless you make a point of saying they have some new type of FTL drive. There is some wiggle-room in this, since "fantasy" and "sci-fi" are big labels that cover a lot of things. Fairytales or magical-realism stories tend to be a little looser about what is and isn’t allowed. These stories still shouldn't break their own rules, but they also don't have to explain themselves as much as other fantasies. Sci-fi that bleeds into fantasy, such as that which incorporates time-travel, other dimensions, or robots with kokoro still needs internal consistency, but don't need to be as scientifically accurate as hard sci-fi.

On the other hand, genres which rely on audience reaction can get by with much less in the way of tight world building and well-thought-out backstory. The two genres to which I am referring are comedy and horror. Obviously, these can intersect with fantasy/sci-fi, but taken as their own thing, they are a different species of genre altogether. They rely not on immersing the audience into a believable world, but on eliciting a reaction from the audience. A comedy is only a comedy if it's funny and horror is only horror if it's scary. Those are the requirements. Thus, a comedy or horror doesn't need unassailable world building to be a successful comedy or horror. Comedy, in particular, often relies on pointing out or playing with plot holes in whatever genre it's in. Horror, on the other hand, often focuses on the scary situation at the expense of backstory and world building.

Plot Holes in Horror

Thus, we come to Bird Box, or A Quiet Place, or Signs, or any other horror that, frankly, doesn't hold up if you think too much about it. People critique these movies by asking things like, “Why doesn't everyone in the world just blind themselves to be immune to the phantoms?”, “Did no one else in all of society think to use sound against the creatures?”, and “Why don't the aliens wear waterproof suits?”. These are valid criticisms for sci-fi or fantasy stories, but… these stories aren’t really meant to be sci-fi or fantasy. They are meant to be horror. Specifically, survival horror. For this genre, backstory is utterly irrelevant. In survival horror, a person or group of people are put into a deadly situation and need to use their wits and whatever they can find to survive it. The end. That's it. Are Sandra Bullock, the family in The Quiet Place, and the family in Signs put into a deadly situation? Check. Do they attempt to survive it? Check. Is it scary for the audience to watch? Check. All three movies pass the survival horror test. They aren’t trying to be good sci-fi/fantasy; they’re trying to be good horror, and do a pretty good job.

As a side note, I’m not some Bird Box apologist. Of the four horror movies I’ve mentioned in this post, it’s my least favorite. But the issues I take with it are not with the world-building (unlike some critics, I thought the rules regarding the phantoms were fairly well spelled out), but with the choices on how to induce horror. (SPOILERS INCOMING: SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU CARE) From the beginning, we know the rest of the people in the house don’t survive because only Sandra Bullock and the two kids are alive in the current time; that undercuts most of the tension in the house. Also, I thought the first phantom-acolyte they encounter, at the supermarket, was horrifying, as he appeared to be stuck forever in his place, doomed to coax unsuspecting souls to their death. One character even commented, “How is that guy still alive?”, so I wondered if he even was, or if he was sort of an undead thing controlled by the phantoms. Scary! Unfortunately, the rest of the acolytes (aside from the one in the house, who we knew John Malkovich would kill because how else would Sandra Bullock and the kids be alive in the future? The structure of the narrative seriously undercut the tension!) are pretty much your run-of-the-mill murderers in any post-apocalyptic movie. Not scary! Finally, I took issue with the last few minutes, after their boat capsized; I felt it was unnecessary for them to run around in the woods. It would have been scarier if she reached out of the water to feel a person’s foot, making the audience think it’s an acolyte, until he taps a cane on the ground and it’s revealed he’s blind. But, I digress. I don’t mind that the story has a few plot holes; I do mind that it wasn’t as scary as it could have been.

Plot Holes in Dystopia

Where, then, on this spectrum of genre does dystopia fall, and why do so many YA dystopian novels seem to fail? Could not "dystopia" be a sort of parable, requiring little explanation and thus little scrutiny, in the same way that comedy and horror and fairytales can get by on little to no explanations of what, exactly, is going on? Yes. I'll say it again, yes. I think dystopias absolutely could get a pass on world building... if they wanted to. The problem with books like Divergent or Hunger Games is not that they explain too little, but that they explain too much. If they simply set up their messed-up situations—everyone is sorted into a Hogwarts House faction, innocents must fight to the death for the enjoyment of the rich—and left it at that, I think it would be fine. The problem arises when these authors, usually in subsequent books, attempt to hash out the reasoning behind these horrible societies which... kind of couldn't arise for any real reason, or if they did, wouldn’t last very long. The explanations we are given don't make sense, or are at least are very, very full of holes and inconsistencies.

To be fair, other dystopias also offer explanations for why the world is the way it is, but they don’t dwell on it. 1984, Brave New World, and Fahrenheit 451 offer lip service for how society got so bad—whether that’s due to government rule or human complacency—but then move on. We don’t need to think too hard about how Eastasia or Eurasia were formed; we need to care that the government keeps switching which one we’ve “always” been at war with. We don’t need to know who’s running the world in Fahrenheit 451, because they’re not the ones who caused Montag’s wife to O.D. or who hit Clarisse with a car or who made Beatty hate books; the society of that book is twisted because individual people are twisted. Though they contain sci-fi elements, these stories are not sci-fi books. They are much closer to horror, in that their events are supposed to provoke a sort of cautious fear in the audience. The idea is that this could happen here, and maybe it’s already happening.

Again, YA dystopia’s could do this, but that’s clearly not what they’re going for. If Hunger Games was only a nod to the dangers of media and decadence, I could get behind it. Instead, it decided to become a story about revolution, with a somewhat Chosen-One-esque figure. It went the sci-fi-fantasy route, following the epic story of a hero who attempts to save society. If Divergent only concerned itself with the idea that humans are sorted into groups based on a single personality trait… well, I would still think that was pretty silly, but I could see a skilled writer making it work. It goes beyond this, though, into this whole backstory involving genetic engineering and human experimentation. It’s a sci-fi. And because both of these stories have decided to be sci-fi, rather than only dystopias, they fail. Because sci-fi stories require a somewhat believable backstory and set-up and current world building, and the worlds of Divergent and Hunger Games could not happen, or at least would not happen like that, even if there were rebellions and mutations and human experimentation. There are too many inconsistencies and plot holes that strain belief, and sci-fi needs to be somewhat believable.

With that, I hoped I’ve converted some of you to my genre-focused cause. Before you criticize a story for having a plot hole or being unrealistic, first consider the genre. Consider what the story is trying to do, and if it does it well or not. The plot holes might not be as big of a problem as you thought.

[themelodicenigma]

In storytelling, would you say emotional moments and themes are ruined by inconsistent internal logic?

Like from the audience perspective? Oh yeah, that happens a lot for certain people.

Having a "that doesn't make sense, but I'll allow it" philosophy for certain media should take place for a lot of how we interact with it. Enjoying something as it is should at least be the first interaction, that way we can get close to what we can (and maybe are intended to) feel when important storytelling things happen. Afterwards we can do some analysis. The "inconsistent" part I believe is the where people choose to use this philosophy—which I think is a big sector of arguments that happen between fans.

When someone is enjoying or gushing about a moment or something they picked up on, then someone else comes to spoil the party with some logic specifically just to put someone down—it can be annoying. Doubly then, when the inconsistency of how they apply that logic is biased. They'll say "that doesn't make sense" for one thing, and then another "it's fine because it's cool". Of course, this is different when it's a real conversation about something, in which case, logic and information is warranted for the sake of establishing them—that is IF the "doesn't make sense" assumption is even correct in the first place. This isn't always the case, but it's usually more apparent when the person does it in a way that's more of an attack than it is informative. A lot of "it isn't that deep" or "why're you crying? it's just a movie" isn't helpful criticism when someone is reacting to the story. This definitely applies to shipping as well with hypocritical fans—people will ship one thing, while ruining someone else’s ship, but BOTH aren’t actually romantic within the story anyway. Disguising personal bias as sound logic is rampant in fandom.

A lot of that is VERY distracting from the material, but thankfully that isn't everyone. It may be ruined for some people, especially those who can't follow the above philosophy, but plenty of people do and are rather knowing of the material they're dealing with in order to have a mindset ready to enjoy it to the fullest.

Time and place for certain discussions and reactions is a must in fandom.