#thankfully i have internet plans for my birthday and a mutual's birthday.

[goldstarhoochie]

bro, your parents will say that friendship is a distraction, stop you from going to your friend's birthday parties, stop you from hanging out with your friends in general, be extremely critical of who you're friends with, meanwhile your friends are literally fine, and then wonder why you either have no friends or don't go out with friends.

[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - imperfect - Part 1 - Chapter 20 - I Love You

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 6.9k words

Chapter 20 - I Love You

   “I’m so glad we’re done with finals!” Mingyu groaned in relief, tossing his backpack on the other side of the apartment. Seokmin and Seungkwan followed behind, Seungkwan following Mingyu’s action, but not as violently. Seokmin simply tossed his bag at his feet. “Christmas break, here I come!”

         “I still need to finish Christmas shopping.” Seungcheol spoke, scrolling through the internet for things he could hopefully still order in time to wrap for the holidays. Mingyu rolled his eyes.

         “Seokmin, is everything ready for this weekend?” Seokmin nodded.

         “Yeah. I got one of the bigger rooms so everyone can fit!”

         Seungcheol smiled. “Can you tell Mingyu to throw me nice parties like this for my birthday?” He teased, earning a playful shove from his boyfriend.

         “I’ll be able to afford nice parties when you finally stop keeping me from my dream job of being a stripper.” When Seungcheol whipped his head around, Mingyu smirked, leaning over the back of the couch on his elbows.

         “You said we were done with that conversation!” Seungkwan and Seokmin shared a glance as the duo bickered, Seokmin unable to hide his amused grin while Seungkwan’s face resembled something closer to slight disgust.

         “Anyway.” Seungkwan turned to Seokmin. “Is Joshua-hyung excited?”

         “I hope so.” Seokmin scratched the back of his neck. “I just want it to be nice. It must be hard to not have family around for your birthday.” Seungkwan nodded, nestling closer to his friend, almost as if he was about to share a personal secret just for the two of them.

“Are you going to do it?”

         Seokmin needed a second to register what he was just asked. “Sorry. What?”

         “Tell him how you feel.” Oh. “Before the break starts and you don’t see him for like…three weeks.” Seungkwan was right. With Seokmin being home for Christmas and picking up extra hours when he came back, who knew when he would see Joshua over the break. This night together might just be his last chance. Seokmin’s cheeks turned redder the closer Seungkwan leaned against him. “What was it you said? “It’s in the books! I’ll confess if I get the lead!” or something?” The younger grinned, a mischievous glint in the smile. “I’m only trying to keep you honest, Hyung.” 

         “Ah. Well…” he was at a loss for words, Seungkwan cementing his unannounced victory with a proud hum. Seokmin only offered a little chuckle. “I know what I’m going to do…”

         That was a lie, but Seungkwan thankfully didn’t press him for any further information.

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           “You’re not putting me in a blindfold, Seokmin.” Joshua seemed pretty adamant as the duo stood outside of Seokmin’s apartment. The younger frowned, holding up the black handkerchief.

         “What? Why?”

         “Many reasons. One: we aren’t at the karaoke bar yet. Two: I’ll get motion sick on the car ride. Two and a half: I’m driving. Three: I already know where we’re going. Four: I’m not into that.” Seokmin blushed at the last reason. Defeated, he stuffed the handkerchief in his pocket. “Sorry.” Joshua smiled. “Ready to go?”

         Seokmin nodded, and the duo made their way to the car.  Seokmin sank into the passenger’s seat, looking up at the sky as Joshua set the car into reverse and pulled from the parking space. The sky was cloudy today, tones of gray bunched together overhead. “I heard it’s supposed to snow tonight.”       

         “That’d be nice.” Joshua hummed. “I’d love some snow for Christmas. It doesn’t snow often in Los Angeles. The weather’s too warm.”

         Seokmin caught Joshua leaning forward against the steering wheel a bit, peering out the window when they slowed to a stop. “Well, then I’m sure it’ll snow this year.”

         Joshua smiled. “I hope so.” He continued following the GPS to the karaoke bar, while Seokmin was getting messages from his friends as they arrived. Jeonghan and Nayeon went to pick up the cake, Mingyu and Seungcheol arrived to secure the room, and Seungkwan and Hansol were setting up the decorations. Seokmin had left his birthday gift in the apartment, as a back-up to keep Joshua with him a few extra minutes, in case he didn’t say anything while they were out. “I’m really excited for this.” Joshua admitted. “I can’t remember the last time I really had a birthday party.”

         “You don’t?” Joshua shook his head.

         “I mean, I had friends over in high school. My parents always took me on a trip over Christmas break. But I think I stopped having birthday parties when I was maybe 12 or 13.” He shrugged. “We just stopped planning them. So, I’m excited.”

         “I hope I made it a good one, then.” Seokmin leaned back in his seat. Joshua chuckled.

         “Trust me, whatever you have set up will be great!”

         Most of the group had already arrived by the time Seokmin and Joshua found a parking spot. Heading inside, the first thing he saw was Seungkwan perched on one of the chairs, sipping his iced coffee and scrolling through his phone. When he heard the door open, he smiled. “Finally! We were waiting!” He hurried up to the duo. “Everything is set – you said he’d been blindfolded!”

         “You told everyone you were blindfolding me?” Joshua smirked when Seokmin looked away, face blooming red in  embarrassment. He stuck his hand out. “Give me the blindfold.”

         “No, forget it, you’ll be surprised anyway.” Seokmin said simply. Joshua chuckled under his breath, reaching out to take the others hand in his own before Seungkwan motioned them down the hall. Seokmin thanked the worker at the front desk, and the trio entered the room.

         With Seokmin picking up a few extra hours at the store, and dipping a bit into his summer savings, he was able to book one of the bigger, nicer rooms in the karaoke bar. The lights were dimmed a bit, a slight blue hue transforming it into an underwater wonderland. Mingyu and Seungcheol were stringing up the last of the balloons on the far corner, while Vernon and Nayeon were laying out the snacks. Jeonghan was resting on the couch behind Nayeon, leaning forward and guiding verbally, almost dictating where everything should be placed until Nayeon nudged him and he giggled. Junhui and Minghao were already skimming through the book of songs, Minghao showing a visible look of confusion at whatever it was Junhui was suggesting.

         “Wow.” Joshua smiled. “This is so cool!” Seokmin immediately felt a sense of pride, any worry of Joshua’s reaction melting away within seconds. With newfound confidence, he headed to greet Jeonghan, the duo sharing a quick hello. Seokmin saw Nayeon hop up and hurry over.

         “My friends are on their way. Thank you for saying they could come.”

         Seokmin grinned. “Of course! The room holds a lot of people. Besides, Jihyo and Dahyun are my friends, too. I’m glad they were able to come.” Nayeon gripped Seokmin’s hands happily, finally leaning in.

         “Joshua looks so happy! I think this is going to go so well, Seokmin.” She was beaming; the positive energy radiating onto Seokmin immediately. “You two are so cute!”

         “Oh, come on!” Seokmin gasped. A sudden pat on his shoulder, and he turned to see Seungkwan. He was already passing him a microphone.

         “Are we going to stand around looking hot or are we going to sing?” He asked. Seokmin took the microphone and, with a flash of an eager grin, the boys headed to the Ipad that allowed them to choose their songs.

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         It didn’t take long for the room to unfold into complete chaos. Seokmin had taken a step back a few songs in for Chaeyoung and Dahyun to have a turn. The duo was singing a Taylor Swift song at the top of their lungs, encouraged by all of their friends cheering and screaming the lyrics along with them. Seokmin was watching from the couch, waving a glow stick prop alongside Vernon. He felt a nudge to his leg, turning to see Joshua lean over to him with one of the song menus.

         “What are you going to sing?” His voice was low as he leaned in close, sending a shiver up Seokmin’s spine. Lovestruck eyes darted from Joshua’s lips to his hands, then up to his eyes, then his lips, followed by his toned chest and those lips, and-.

         “Uh, I don’t know.” Seokmin turned back to the performance in front of him. “I haven’t picked yet.” Joshua looked over at him and Seokmin could have sworn he saw an amused smirk on the other’s fucking lips. Chaeyoung and Dahyun’s song came to an end, and the room erupted into applause as the score flashed on the screen.       

         “80?!” Chaeyoung’s eyes widened. “No way! This thing’s rigged!” Dahyun laughed behind her hand.

         “It’s not a Taylor Swift fan!” Dahyun pointed to the screen. Slightly annoyed, the duo turned to the couch, offering up the microphones. “Who wants to go next?”

         Seungkwan stood up, grinning at Seokmin. He took microphones and immediately handed one off. “I think it’s time. Shall we?” he asked. The glint in his eyes immediately translated to Seokmin. Maybe it was because they had been roommates for two years, or that they were the ones most likely to frequent karaoke bars together, but the hive mind was working, and Seokmin shot up like a bullet.

         “We have to!” He said. A chuckle behind him, and he turned to see Joshua popping a few potato chips in his mouth. 

         “What are you singing?” he hummed.

         Seungkwan spoke up for both of them. “Candy in My Ear by Baek Ji Young and Taecyeon!” Joshua hummed, his face indicating he hadn’t heard of the song before.

         “It’s our go to karaoke song.” Seokmin added. Joshua nodded, leaning back in his seat.

         “Taecyeon is so beautiful.” Nayeon sighed to herself.

         “Tell me about it.” Jeonghan said, the couple high-fiving in their shared attraction to the idol. Seokmin and Seungkwan pulled the song up as Mingyu passed over a comically large pair of sunglasses to Seokmin.

         “You’ll need these.” He grinned. Seokmin took the orange glasses, putting them on. He heard the snap of a camera, turning his head to see Joshua holding his phone. He was grinning.

         “You look so cute!” He called. He had grabbed a glow stick from the table, holding it up with Vernon, Junhui, and Minghao in support of the duo. Seokmin blushed, turning back to the large TV as the song began. The second the first few notes began, Seungkwan looked at Seokmin with confident eyes.

         “Choreography?”

         “I’d be offended if we didn’t.” Seokmin grinned. Almost immediately following Seungkwan’s very high-pitched ‘La La La’s, Taecyeon’s verse started up and Seokmin put the microphone to his mouth to sing. The room broke into a mix of laughter and cheers almost immediately, and Seokmin’s entire body swelled with a rush of adrenaline. He was in his element right now, everything felt great. He watched Seungkwan approach him dramatically, and without missing a beat, pressed himself up against Seokmin so they could dramatically step in time together and share one microphone to sing.

         Saranghae (Saranghae)

         I love you (I love you)

         Seokmin saw Seungkwan shoot him a suggestive glance, and he laughed behind the microphone for a second. Then, the youngers eyes shot a glance at the couch, and following it meant Seokmin was staring directly at Joshua. He was grinning behind his hand, one leg crossed over the other as he watched the performance in front of him. Seokmin looked back to his singing partner as the second verse approached and Seungkwan prepared to dramatically press up against Seokmin one more time.

         Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the fact that it was dim in the room. Maybe it was Seungkwan’s constant motioning over to Joshua without any of the audience noticing. Maybe it was because Seokmin had the most confidence when he was singing with no constructs. Nobody was judging him right now, or ranking him for a role. He could just perform. Maybe it was all of those things, or maybe it was none of them, but when Seungkwan got close, for the next verse, he felt a surge of confidence hit him in the chest.

         Saranghae (Saranghae)

         I love you (I love you)

         When Seokmin uttered the echo in his verse, he turned to the audience, shooting a finger heart in Joshua’s direction. The older one’s eyes widened, going slack jawed as Junhui and Seungcheol began shoving him and screaming, as if he were just perceived by his favorite idol. Even in the dim lights, Seokmin saw his cheeks burn pink. A gummy smile broke on Vernon’s face as he leaned into Mingyu, body shaking in a fit of laughter. Seokmin’s cheeks immediately turned red, focus redirecting back to the screen in front of him. Not before he caught the stunned grin on Seungkwan’s face. The rest of the song was performed as expected, with choreography and dramatic singing. However, when the song ended and the room erupted into applause, Seokmin covered his face. Seungkwan hurried up to him and shook his shoulders.

         “That was so fucking smart!” There was glee in Seungkwan’s voice. “That was so cute!”

         “I cannot believe I did that! I think I blacked out.” Seokmin whispered. “Is he staring?”

         “Oh, hell yeah. He looks lovestruck!” Seungkwan whispered. “Look at you go!” Seokmin put the microphone on the table, the duo turning towards their score as it flashed. “100!” Seungkwan grinned, turning back to Seokmin. “As usual!” 

Seokmin looked at the score and the cheering female model beside it. Maybe he was overthinking, but her repeated thumbs up motion felt directed at him. But not for the performance. He needed to sit down. Turning to the couch, he was stunned at what he saw.

Chaeyoung and Mina were cuddled on the couch beside Sana, whose legs were outstretched over Jihyo’s lap. Tzuyu was cross legged beside them. Nayeon had pulled her own legs up to her side as she leaned into Jeonghan, who literally just put two bowls of chips beside him. Mingyu and Seungcheol -broad as they are - had no problem taking up a lot of space on the couch. Seungkwan sat beside Vernon, nestled close with the others’ arm draped behind him. Junhui and Minghao were shuffling to claim the far corner of the couch. That only left Seokmin with two spots…..

Both beside Joshua. 

Mentally cursing his friends, he plopped himself down on the couch, and Joshua immediately leaned against him. He looked over and saw the older grinning.

         “You did great!” He said. “That was really good!” Maybe it was because he was already overstimulated with what he just did, but he could have sworn Joshua had hearts in his eyes, staring at Seokmin with endless fondness.

         “You think so?” Joshua nodded. “Thank you…” Despite his heart running a million miles a minute, he couldn’t help but smile as the next song got started.

“Oh, and you still have the glasses on.” Joshua pushed the orange glasses up Seokmin’s nose a bit. Seokmin laughed shyly. “Take a photo.” He grabbed his phone, pulling it out and opening up his camera to focus on himself. He snapped a quick picture of himself in the glasses. Almost immediately, Joshua leaned his head in, holding up his glow stick and smiling. Seokmin chuckled a bit, snapping a few pictures of the both of them as well.  Joshua chuckled. “I like that one. Send it to me.” Seokmin nodded.

As the song played, Joshua handed him one of the props on the table, and set one of the bowls of chips between them. When Seokmin opened his mouth to question, Joshua put his finger to his own lips. “These are my favorite chips. I’m only going to share them with people who tell me they love me in song.”

The low, borderline flirtatious tone Joshua used when he leaned in close made Seokmin almost internally combust, and he immediately turned his gaze back to the girls as they began singing because if he looked at Joshua any longer, he might just give a full Shakespearean confession right then and there in front of everyone.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The rest of the night continued in the same fashion: a microphone rotating among the couch so everyone could sing. All different types of genres were thrown around; from well-known pop songs to drama OSTs to western musical artists, the room was buzzing with music and cheers for hours. Seokmin’s throat was scratchy by the time they had to vacate the room, exhausted from all of the singing he did. Luckily, there wasn’t much food left, and most of the garbage was easily discarded as they headed out.

Nayeon’s friend group split from the group once the night came to an end, warm holiday wishes spreading through the crowd with a few hugs. Jihyo and Dahyun squeezed Seokmin just before heading out the front door. “Good luck.” Jihyo whispered to him. Seokmin blushed a bit, nodding his head. He mouthed a little ‘thank you’ when he saw Joshua approaching to say his own farewells to the girls. Seokmin caught Dahyun offer him a supportive thumbs up and a grin. His mind flashed back to that female karaoke model.

The group exited the karaoke bar around midnight just in time for the first specs of snowflakes to flutter down from the thick, gray clouds. Seokmin’s neck craned up to look, the sound of his friends excited murmurs fluttering around him. His first thought was to turn to Joshua, but his attention was grabbed by Seungkwan.

“Aw, no. My gloves have a hole in them.” There was a pout on his friend’s face as he tugged the gloves off and stuck them in his pocket. His friend was not fond of the cold by any means, complaining about the chilly weather since the first leaf fell of a tree in October. Seokmin immediately tugged his off, passing them over. Seungkwan seemed confused for a second, but Seokmin only pushed them closer. 

“Here. I’ll be okay.” Seungkwan glanced at Hansol, the same idea seemingly in his head as his gloves were already half off. “Oh.”

Any tension that may have threatened the trio was melted away almost immediately when Seungkwan reached out and took Seokmin’s gloves, slipping them on his hands. “Thanks, Hyung.” His smile was full of fondness.

“Of course.” Hansol was already slipping his gloves on, seemingly unphased. “Now you two can hold hands.”

“We would’ve done that anyway.” Seungkwan chimed, wasting no time interlocking his newly gloved fingers with Hansol’s. 

With his hands immediately exposed to the chill of the snow, Seokmin watched as a snowflake fell onto his hand, evaporating against the warmth of his skin. Making the rest of his body warm by fixing his scarf and jacket, Seokmin balled his hands together.

         “Ah…hyung!” He turned to Joshua, who was still staring up at the snow as it fell around him. Seokmin fell quiet for a second, the view before him enough to distract from his chilled hands. Straight out of a painting, Joshua’s side profile as he took in the sight of the snow was breath-taking. Wide, doe-eyes watched each snowflake fall around him, enveloping him in a serene and beautiful winter wonderland. When Joshua finally turned to him, Seokmin smiled a bit, taking his arm. “It’s snowing! Like you wanted!”

         “I know.” His smile was equally as big. “Maybe I should be a meteorologist or something. Add it to that growing list of random skills I’ve been accumulating.” Seokmin laughed a bit. Joshua looked down at the hand still wrapped around his arm. “Your gloves.” He pointed out. “Your hands are going to be cold.”

         “I’m okay.” He assured. “Seungkwan’s had a hole in them.”

         “Last time you said you’d be ok, you got sick.” Joshua frowned. A deep groan escaped Mingyu’s throat, interrupting Joshua’s worries.

 “I’m starving. Do you think there’s any street vendors open still?”

         “We just ate non-stop for like four hours.” Vernon stared up at the taller male in shock. Mingyu only laughed a bit.

         “I think there’s a Bungeoppang vendor a few blocks back.” Seungcheol chimed in, grinning when he saw the excited look on Mingyu’s face. The idea of a delicious red-bean fish cake seemed to be agreed upon for most, and they followed Seungcheol’s directions to the vendor.

         The walk was filled with idle chatter mainly about the night of karaoke and how delicious the cake was – Jeonghan cheekily said ‘you’re welcome’ when that came up. As they walked, Seokmin simply listened. Not because he had nothing to say, but because he wanted to. The night thus far had been perfect, and hearing everyone else agree made his heart swell with pride. He rubbed his hands together, feeling the chill of the winter air once again. Everyone else around him were either holding hands like Seungkwan and Vernon, or linked arm and arm like Nayeon and Jeonghan. He looked down at his own hands, stuffing them into the pockets of his jacket.

         A tap on his shoulder, and when he looked over, Joshua was pulling off his glove. He passed it over, and Seokmin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Take it. For that hand.” He motioned to Seokmin’s right hand. Despite still being confused, he slipped the glove on and held his hand up, wiggling his finger. Joshua laughed in amusement, but wasted no time taking his own gloveless hand and interlocking it with Seokmin’s, slipping them into the pocket of his own jacket. Seokmin’s face flushed almost immediately, feeling his hand warm up almost instantly when the pad of Joshua’s thumb swiped over his knuckles.

         “Alright, that was smooth.” Seokmin said shyly. Joshua grinned proudly as Seokmin settled close to his side. The group arrived at the vendor, where an older gentleman eagerly welcomed the large crowd of college students. Seokmin watched from the back as his friends ordered.

         “I’m going to get the chocolate one.” Joshua said. “You?”

         “I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish an entire one.”

“Yeah, me either after all that cake. Want to split one?” Seokmin nodded his head in agreement, watching as Joshua leaned forward to order for the both of them. Seokmin noticed Junhui and Minghao offering sly grins in his direction as they nibbled on their own pastries.

         Their fingers brushed together when half of the pastry was handed over, Seokmin’s skin feeling as though it was on fire despite being exposed to the cold. When he took a bite, the pastry tasted much more delicious than he could have ever imagined, but maybe that was because he was enjoying it with Joshua. The older glanced over at him. “It’s good!” Joshua gasped.

Yes, that was definitely what made it taste particularly delicious.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The groups parted for good once returning to the karaoke bar parking lot, saying their final farewells and birthday wishes to Joshua before scattering for the holidays. Seungkwan nudged Seokmin when the two of them were alone. “I’ll go home with Vernon, okay?” he grinned.

         Seokmin couldn’t help but smile back. “I don’t need to know that.” Seungkwan’s grin immediately fell to an unamused glare.

         “Okay, rude. I was going to wish you good luck, but-.” Seokmin laughed a bit, tugging Seungkwan into a friendly side hug that was warmly returned. “But honestly, you don’t even need it. You basically confessed already.”

         “Oh, jeez.” Seokmin bushed as the memory flooded into his brain again. “That was not how I wanted to do it.” Seungkwan laughed in amusement, rubbing his hyung’s shoulder in reassurance.

         “I’m sure the actual one will be just fine too. I don’t think Joshua’s stopped swooning at your finger heart since. He’s begging you to confess without saying it.” Seokmin chuckled as Vernon approached, the duo waving goodbye before heading down the street to try and hail a cab. Jeonghan and Nayeon had the same idea, heading for a little stroll together in the snow before heading home. When Seokmin and Joshua were alone, the older opened the passenger’s seat of the car and smiled.

         “Shall we?” he asked.

         The ride was quiet for the first few minutes. Seokmin had returned his glove to Joshua once the car warmed up. He looked over at the driver, studying his features. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

         “A great time.” Joshua smiled. “We have to do it again! It was really fun.”

         “We should!” 

         “You looked like you were having a blast!” Seokmin felt his cheeks heat up at Joshua’s comment, nodding his head.

         “Yeah, I was.” He said. “I get a bit too much when I do karaoke, I think.”

         “Too much?” Joshua seemed shocked. “No way! You were amazing! It was nice seeing you have so much fun.” Seokmin’s heart skipped a beat then began pounding in his chest, feeling as if his entire body was going to explode if his heart beat didn’t slow down. He sat back in his seat, allowing the car to fall into another comfortable silence. Then, Joshua chuckled and cheekily commented: “I specifically loved your performance of…what was it? Candy in My Ear?”

         Embarrassment came and made Seokmin cover his face. “Please, if you’re going to talk about that one, let me get out of the car and stand in front of it so you can run me over.” Joshua threw his head against the back of his seat to laugh. “I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t want to tell you in that way.”

         The pregnant pause that followed Seokmin’s comment was enough to make him truly register what he just said. When he looked over to Joshua, he had stopped laughing, staring at him.

         “Tell me what?” his voice was soft. Seokmin’s hands dropped to his lap, and he looked out the window. “Seokmin?”

         “You already know…” he said softly, also embarrassed. He began picking at his fingernails, pressing his fingers together. “Everyone says it’s obvious…and I don’t know if I can say it…” He felt the car slow to a stop, and when Seokmin looked up, he realized they were already in front of his apartment. That gave him less time, and he was already striking out with each word that came from his lips. The car shutting off got Seokmin to look at Joshua, and he shifted in his seat.

         “You can try.” He said with an amused smile. “If it’s what I think it is, I’d rather hear it from you instead of a song anyway…”

A nervous tongue swiped shaking lips, and Seokmin wondered if he should just say nothing. Keep his mouth shut. Hold all of these feelings back because it felt much less scary when compared to the alternative. But he couldn’t do that. Eyes cast up to the sky from the window, he watched as the snow fell around them. His eyes landed on the front door of his apartment building. For a second, he wanted to run from the car, into his apartment, slam the door and curl up into a ball until this incessant nausea finally went away: but his feet refused to move. “Sorry.” He finally gasped. “I don’t really know how to…how to say it. It’s stupid.” 

“I’m sure it's not stupid.” He assured. Seokmin saw him lean closer. “What is it?” 

Nervous eyes scanned Joshua’s face as his cheeks heated up. “I just…” His gaze moved from Joshua to the stars in the sky that he could see from inside the car. For a second, he hoped that there would be a new constellation written in the stars to guide him through this. But there was nothing; he had to do this himself. There was nothing that could tell him what or say or how to say it, because nothing and nobody could explain it better than he could right now. Finally, with the words of encouragement from his friends acting as the shove he needed, he locked eyes with Joshua and took one final deep breath.

“I think – no – I don’t think. I-.” a frustrated sigh cut through, but he turned to Joshua and finally uttered: “I love you…” Once the words left his lips, it was like a damn in his mouth broke and he just kept talking. “I love you a lot. I’ve liked you since we met, but I recently realized that I’ve…loved you, you know? Maybe I’m overthinking it, because we’ve never said anything about it. But we do things like hold hands and flirt and…I really like it but I don’t want to overthink things and then be wrong.” He paused, adding: “But then the more I think about it, the more I think of the way you look at me sometimes…like…like…” he looked up to see a familiar expression of fondness on Joshua’s face. “Like that!” Joshua chuckled. “….I just don’t want to mess anything up which is why I’ve been really nervous to say anything because I don’t want you to hate me. I really don’t want you to hate me. But, I think I’m rambling now, and if I keep going I think I'll say something I’ll regret so…yeah. That’s it.”

Silence. The longest silence of Lee Seokmin’s life. He hated it; wanted to disappear into a hole where nobody would find him and hibernate until this entire interaction was long forgotten about. He looked at Joshua as he shifted more in his seat to get a better look at him. Seokmin let out a shaky breath. Joshua ran a hand through his hair, and when he opened his mouth, all he said was a simple: “I love you, too, Seokmin.”

         Seokmin felt his breath catch in his throat. Those five, little words floated into his ears, through his brain, down his spine and wrapped themselves around his heart in an attempt to calm its frantic beating. “…Y-yeah?” Seokmin choked out.

         “I don’t know if I can say it in as many words as you did off the cuff, but yes. I do.”

Seokmin let out a chuckle of disbelief. “Oh, come on. That was nothing but rambling.”

“It was.” Joshua clarified. “But it was adorable rambling; a completely different thing.” His eyebrows furrowed a bit, and Seokmin waited with baited breath for his next comment. “I only have one question for you.”

“O-okay.” Seokmin said shakily. Joshua leaned forward a bit, reaching out and taking his hands. Seokmin could feel the warmth in his touch as he looked to meet Joshua’s gaze. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Seokmin almost fell over. “W-what?”

“Can I…kiss you? You know, like-.” He playfully puckered his lips for a second. Seokmin offered a shy giggle. “I’ve wanted to since like-.”

“Yes.” Seokmin blushed at the eager response that slipped past his lips.

“…Yeah?” Joshua beamed when Seokmin offered a shy nod. Pulling their intertwined hands closer to him tugged Seokmin as close as possible sitting on opposite sides of the car. Finally, finally, after what felt like years of waiting in the span of 4 months, Joshua leaned in and kissed Seokmin.

This was not Seokmin’s first kiss. He kissed a few girls in school plays, and once kissed Mingyu on a dare in high school. Romantically, however, Seokmin had only kissed his previous boyfriend a few times; brief pecks under the stairs before parting ways for class. Those kisses made him feel like he was floating one moment, then confused the next. At the time, though, it felt as though they were everything, all he was ever going to get. All he deserved. 

But this…was an experience. Joshua’s lips were soft despite being exposed to the dry cold for the past few hours. Seokmin’s entire body felt electric, warmth blooming deep in his chest and stomach. He had been wondering what this moment would feel like for so long, anxious overthinking and comparison to that of romance novels. But this was not a scene written on paper for anyone to open and read; this was real. To Lee Seokmin, this was finally happening, and it was real.

It took Seokmin a few nervous seconds to realize he had yet to actually kiss back, leaning into the kiss. He wondered if Joshua could feel how much his hands were shaking, because the grip on them tightened a little bit.

When the duo pulled away, locking eyes, Seokmin felt his heart rate spike. He immediately pulled his hands back, covering his face. Turning his head, tears pricked shaky eyes and his cheeks felt like they were boiling under his hands. “What’s wrong?” Joshua asked softly.

“Nothing.” Seokmin choked out. “My heart’s just pounding a million miles a minute and I’m really happy. That’s all.” Joshua laughed a bit, encouraging Seokmin to peek out from behind his hands.

"Good. I was worried you were crying because the kiss was bad. I haven’t kissed someone in a while.” Seokmin shook his head in reassurance. Joshua reached out, thumbing away some of the tears sitting on Seokmin’s cheeks. “I’m glad they’re happy tears, but you shouldn’t cry.” He chuckled. “Come on, love…” 

When ‘love’ hit his ears, Seokmin let out a panicked noise, avoiding his gaze as his brain shut down. It took him a second to reboot before looking back over. Joshua’s hand stayed on his cheek for a second longer, swiping a few stray tears away before pulling back. “Do uhm…” Seokmin sniffled a bit, turning to face the apartment just outside of the car. “You want to come in for a bit? I can make tea…or coffee…or something.”

“Sure.” Seokmin watched as Joshua’s eyes curled into familiar crescent moons, putting the one hovering above them to shame. The newly proclaimed lovebirds got out of the car, Seokmin needing to make sure that his legs would be able to hold him up as he got to his feet. When Joshua came around the car, he offered his arm to Seokmin with a dopey grin on his face as the duo headed to the apartment.  

The trip up the elevator was quiet, both men standing shoulder to shoulder as Joshua scrolled through something on his phone. The elevator shook a bit on its trip up. Like a hive mind, Seokmin gripped Joshua’s arm to steady him at the same time Joshua reached his hand out to put on the small of Seokmin’s back, both turning to look at each other. “Heh.” Hoping to prevent his cheeks from tinting pink, he looked down at his feet. When the elevator doors opened, Joshua put his phone back in his pocket and led Seokmin out. Seokmin immediately felt Joshua’s hand still ghosting the small of his back, despite the elevator being several paces behind them by now.

Once inside, Seokmin started a pot of coffee while Joshua finished looking through photos on his phone. “What have you been looking at?” Seokmin asked, leaning against the counter for a better look.

“I haven’t posted online in a while, so I’m looking for some pictures from tonight.” He passed the phone between them. “I don’t have too many, though, I was having so much fun I didn’t even realize.” He chuckled.

Seokmin immediately pulled out his phone. “I took a lot!” He scrolled through an entire wall of photos taken from the beginning of the night to the very end; from photos of the decorated room to selfies with everyone in attendance. Joshua immediately pulled up a photo of the two of them, one of Seokmin taking a selfie that Joshua stuck his head in, and then the following photo where they threw up a peace sign.

“Send me those.” He said. “They’re cute. And one with you in the glasses.”

“Okay!” Seokmin smiled. “I’ll send you tons. Can I Airdrop them?” Joshua nodded, looking down at his phone. “I should post something, too…” Seokmin murmured in realization.

With the sound of the coffee pot warming up behind them, both pulled up their Instagram accounts and began selecting some of their favorite photos from the night. Just as Seokmin was about to put a nice, long message about how much fun he had, and how grateful he was for being able to get through finals, Joshua piped up with a question:

“…Can I say that you’re my boyfriend?”

Seokmin’s eyes shot up towards Joshua, who finally seemed to hold a nervous expression in his features. “…Is…are you…are you asking me out?”

Joshua paused for a second, seeming to think about the answer to the question himself. Finally, he nodded. “I mean…..” He said, a smile finally forming on his face. “Yeah, I guess, since I didn’t properly ask in the car. That wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me, now is it?” 

“You’re very gentlemanly…” Seokmin looked back down at the string of photos he had, ready to post. Almost all of them had Joshua in them, whether it was just the two of them or with a collection of friends. Seokmin wanted Joshua to be there, from now on, he wanted Joshua to always be with him. The sizzle of the coffee pot finally came to an end just as Seokmin nodded and said: “O-okay. I’ll…I’ll put it on too, then.”

The smile on Joshua’s face only widened. “Cool. Then, we can put our phones on silent while our friend groups blow up our phones. I can probably place bets on exactly what each person will say!”

“Heh. Me too.” Seokmin agreed. He edited his caption before setting his phone down on the kitchen counter and turning to pour two cups of coffee. When Joshua set his own phone down, he grinned in amusement, nestling closer to Seokmin and taking his own coffee mug.

“How long until people see the post?”

“Maybe five minutes? Seungcheol-hyung is always up to date with what’s going on.” Seokmin grinned as he took a sip of his drink. “And five minutes might be generous.” Joshua hummed behind his own mug. “Oh!” Seokmin gasped, turning to Joshua in shock. “I almost forgot something! Wait here! No, wait on the couch!” Setting the coffee cup on the counter, Seokmin headed straight into his room.

He emerged a few minutes later with a little bag he had gotten from the far back of his closet, seeing Joshua was sitting on the couch with both coffee cups on the table in front of him.  “I got you something for your birthday.”

Joshua’s eyes went wide. “What? You didn’t have to!”

“Of course, I did!” Seokmin sat at his side, setting the bag at Joshua’s side. “It’s nothing big. It’s part one.”

“Part one?” Joshua smirked, pulling out the sparkling white tissue paper.

“Yeah. Part two is for your actual birthday.” He said. “How else are you supposed to do birthday gifts?” Joshua laughed.

“Guess I can’t argue with that logic.” Joshua peered inside the bag and pulled out a little gift wicker basket wrapped in see-through paper with tons of different things inside. Joshua smiled a bit. “What is it?”

“Well, remember when you came over to study with nothing in your bag?” Joshua nodded. “I know you’ve gotten a few things to put in there but I wanted to get you some more stuff. An emergency kit, I guess.” He laughed nervously as Joshua began unwrapping the basket. “Is it stupid?”

“What? No!” Joshua said. “I love it! I was running low on some stuff anyway.” He pulled all of the stuff out to examine more. Most of it was simple; a few different packs of gums, winter-scented hand sanitizer, flavored lip balm, some cute flare pens - which Joshua said are a teacher’s dream pen - and a little amethyst crystal. Minghao said they ‘help with keeping someone in good health.’

Joshua pulled out a little keychain that was already open from the package. He held it close for a better look. It was a small plush Cinaroll keychain in a teacher’s outfit. “Stop, what?” He gasped in English. “It’s cute!”  

“I thought of you when I was shopping at the mall.” Seokmin said. He reached behind him and pulled out his own keychain, dangling it in between them. It was of Pochacco wearing an overexaggerated Shakespeare-esque outfit. “I got this one for me. They’re part of a set.”

“So, we have matching keychains?!” Joshua looked so excited it made Seokmin laugh. “Oh, perfect!” He turned to his white bag, hooking the keychain right onto the front. “Thank you. This is so awesome!”

Seokmin watched as Joshua squeezed the little plush keychain and took a minute to just admire him in the silence. He was so many things; smart, passionate, beautiful, generous, funny, he could go on for days. All the things that made Seokmin fall head over heels in love with him in the first place. Just thinking about how in love he was - how lucky he was - made him feel like anything was possible. 

“Now, I really want to kiss you again.” He admitted, eyes falling to Seokmin.

He was also so incredibly attractive, and impossible to refuse.

Seokmin didn’t even bat an eye when he practically gasped out: “Okay.” Joshua grinned, setting his gift on the coffee table so he could close the gap between them. He leaned in and immediately planted another kiss on Seokmin’s lips that made December feel like the middle of summertime.

Joshua Hong was his. For now, things felt perfect. 

To Be Continued in Part 2

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[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[vxndictive]

I’m back... Sort of

//So uh... Hi. After a couple of days away from everything tumblr related i managed to return with a bit of a fresh mind and new ideas, and this post that i hope doesn’t drag on for too long will serve as an explanation as to why i decided to take this hiatus, and what my plans going forward are. If you decide to sit through it all then hey, thank you, i’m glad you’re still here and i hope we can still talk and interact if you’re interested on doing so.

“So... What happened?”

“An absurd amount of stress and anxiety” is what happened. Basically since last week i’ve been having some extremely negative thoughts about self-hatred and just feeling i wasn’t good enough for anything, to the point where it was hard to even get out of my bed to eat (the mun lives on her own, she has no roommates or family that lives on the same home). I was in a very dark place. It doesn’t help that i also tend to have a lot of trouble opening up to others about my problems: If you knowing i’m not well also makes you feel bad, then i’d honestly prefer to just suck it up and endure everything on my own; which i know is a very toxic way to cope and only ends up making the problem worse in the long run. It doesn’t get anyone anywhere. In the last few days i’ve managed to recover though, and i feel like i’m in a better spot than i was before.

“Are you okay?”

Yes. As i mentioned before, it has happened before and it’ll continue happening. It’s a cycle i’ve unfortunately gotten used to over the years.

“Would you like to talk?”

The thought is appreciated if you want to, i won’t force anyone to listen to my problems but if you want to just catch up with me regardless, or just to talk about unrelated stuff you can just shoot me a DM in either tumblr or Discord.

“Speaking of Discord, can i add you?”

Sure, if we’re mutuals just ask me and i’ll be more than happy to give it to you.

“What’s your plan going forward?”

I decided to set myself a couple of goals that i’ll try to accomplish one at a time during my return.

Improve my formatting.

As i’m sure you noticed, i started using icons for mun stuff and begun implementing small text too. I do want to make things look fancier, even though it’s honestly kind of a chore sometimes. As for muse icons... I’ll see what i can do about that. Thankfully PSO2 is giving me a good outlet for in-game screencaps for Flayn.

Increase my interactions.

It’s no secret that my interactions plumetted in the weeks approaching my break. I want to remedy this, either by sharing more prompts or by approaching other blogs for starters. I don’t want to be a blog that only does memes and 4fun stuff when i have a muse that’s also good for more serious stuff, so i’ll probably be going around sending prompts to people i still haven’t tried to interact with. Of course, all my old stuff is still open if you want to send something in.

Starter calls and mains call.

I’ll be doing these again. Someone might still be interested but i’ll try to cut down the posts needed so i don’t end up clogging my followers’ dashes.

Rework some AUs

I’ll be honest: I’m not very satisfied with some of the AUs i have up yet. Mainly: Spirit Blossom in particular. It was rushed, and made just to quickly cash in on the hype. I’m likely going to revamp this one AU from scratch and go back to the Duality theme i had in mind before, you’ll see it when it’s done. The other AU that will receive some slight changes is Modern, but nothing too drastic will be done to that one. Instead of being an aspiring musician, Flayn will be an aspiring writer and artist instead. I feel that if i wanted to do musical stuff, i could just stick to Rap Devil instead of making a redundant AU.

“Will you be dropping any threads?”

I’ll be honest here: I don’t know. There are a lot of pending threads i’ve been laying off for months, and i have no idea if i’d still have the muse to answer them. I’d have to check individually. If i don’t, then i’ll let you know so we can plan another interaction if you still want to do so. I said several times that i have no problems with starting over if a thread doesn’t work out, so i hope we can reach an understanding over this if that’s the case with one we had.

That would be most of what i had to say. If you’re still here, then hey. I can’t really say anything other than “thank you”, i don’t expect anyone to care about what some random stranger on the internet has to say but i appreciate you still being here regardless. I know i’ve been very sporadic on my activity and i often just don’t reply to stuff, but i will also work hard to change that. I enjoy being part of this community, and i’ve met a lot of nice people during my stay. I truly want to make this a good experience, not just to you, but for all of my writing partners as well. 

And this is just the beginning. I also plan to make a small event for next month in Halloween, which also doubles as Flayn’s birthday as some of you are probably aware. But that’s still on early planning. I’ll let you know more when that’s more set in stone.

Again, thank you very much for your time. I appreciate it a lot if you want to stay here and write with me regardless of everything, and i hope we can talk again very soon.

-Damsel.

[tammythompson-singslikea-muppet]

Falling for the enemy (Mike Wheeler Soulmate au)

Sorry it took so long it was hard for me to find a place I could take my laptop that has wifi cuz I currently don’t have any internet at my house (thank god for unlimited data imma right?) anyway......

Warnings: none? ??mentions of a bra?? (oooh so scary)

aged up 17

You and Mike Wheeler have always been ones to bud heads. No one really knew why, but something about one another just set the other off. Sharing mutual friends, the two of you tried to avoid each other as much as possible. Mostly because it wasn't fair to your friends when the two of you would just be bickering the whole time,  but also because you couldn't stand each other. 2 months ago on the day of your 17th birthday you searched your body for the name of your soulmate. After a short search you found something that displeased you so much you nearly jumped out the window of the second story bathroom. On the back of your right shoulder read the name Michael Wheeler. You nearly screamed.

  "Why the fuck is this my life. Why do things like this always happen to me! I mean come on, what did I do to deserve this!!" You shouted, ranting to your sister.

"Maybe its punishment for disturbing your sister's sleep all the time." Your sister rolled over shoving her head into her pillow.

For a person who likes to wear clothing that reveals your shoulders, you were cursing yourself for being born in July. Short sleeves for the rest of the summer it is. Thankfully you weren't a huge a fan of swimming, and if you really wanted to you could do so with just your sister since your grandmother has a pool. It was now September and you have successfully kept your secret for 2 months. The main reason you didn't tell any of your friends was because all of your friends knew Mike, so basically the less people know the less of a chance someone accidently tells him. Also because if they knew they would most likely taunt you about it due to you and Mikes animosity towards each other. Over the past months you have been less harsh and sarcastic to Mike. As a result he ,surprisingly, has been too. But unfortunately that has caused Max, El, and the boys to invite the both of you to hang around each other more. And as a result to that, one of the things that you had feared most this whole time has finally come to pass. You were starting to develop feelings for Mike Wheeler. You knew it was inevitable, but you still wanted to hurl yourself off a cliff the day you looked over at Mike from across the room while he was laughing and smiling, and thought to yourself Damn he's freaking adorable."

It had been about a week since that happened and today you found yourself in a bit of a sticky situation, literally. How literal you ask, well you were at the Wheeler's helping Dustin with his Home ec. project so I'll just let you think about that for a moment. Him and the boys were having a sleep over at Mike's over the weekend, but cookies were due on Monday and it was Sunday night so Mrs. Wheeler was nice enough to let Dustin use the kitchen. Will had brought a cool new movie for everybody to watch and since you were there while they were making the plans he invited you to come watch too; posing the perfect time for Dustin to suggest you helping him with his cookies cuz he's not doing great in that class.

"That's what you get for choosing a class solely based on how many cute girls you think are gonna be in it."

"Wait, that means you're gonna help me, right!?! (Y\N)?!!" Dustin yelled to you as you walked down the hall. When you got the cookie's out of the oven and onto the cooling rack, Dustin was looking for something to help put a little pizzazz, as he would say, on the cookies. That's when he would come across caramel, and it all went down hill from there. You and Dustin stood there laughing as you were almost all covered in caramel.

"Anybody have a shirt I can borrow?" You yelled towards the living room. Soon Lucas, Will, and Mike came into the kitchen to see your mess

. "Cookie's are done" Dustin smiled. "You guys better clean all of this up or Mike's mom is gonna kill you." Will laughed. You looked around at all the dirty dished and cringed. "Damn I wish I had a camera so I could show Max this" Lucas added. "Follow me I'm sure we have something old of Nancy's in her room" Mike headed up the stares and you quickly followed.

"No offense, but Nancy's clothes are totally not my style" You quipped.

"Oh, so what you wanna borrow one of mine." Slight sarcasm laced the teenage boys voice.

"Well I'm not just gonna walk around topless." Mike shook his head concealing a laugh.

"The bathroom is right over there, I'll knock when I have something." You walked over to the bathroom and tried to rinse the caramel out of your hair, and took off your shirt so you could put it in the laundry. Thankfully you hardly got anything on your jeans. Mike knocked on the door and you quickly opened it.

"Just put it on the counter." You told him as you turned around picking up your dirty shirt from the floor.

"Woah" Mike was caught off guard when he noticed the writing on your shoulder.

"Dude its just a bra." You turned back and holding out the shirt out for him. You noticed his face was pale.

"What?" You were confused as to why he was acting like this, completely forgetting the fact that his name was permanently placed on your shoulder. "My name is on your shoulder." Your jaw dropped as you remembered.

"Shit." you sighed.

"I'm your soulmate" He said in disbelief.

"Uh yeah" You quickly put on Mike's shirt and nervously brushed passed him and ran down stairs. When you got down stairs you rolled up your sleeves and helped Dustin with the dishes. Soon afterwards Mike came down stairs and excused Dustin from the kitchen.

"So..." Mike awkwardly let out as he grabbed a sponge and the measuring cups "I guess that's the reason you have been nicer to me lately." You internally groaned, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Uh yeah I guess so." You kept your focus on what you were doing in front of you, but you could feel Mike staring.

"Does anybody else know?" the boy questioned.

"Just my sister." You rinsed out the bowl then handed it to Mike, "Here dry that. I didn't tell anybody else cuz I didn't want it coming back to you."

Mike nodded his head in understanding. "Well I mean I was gonna find out eventually."

"Yeah, I just thought it would be easier if you found out on your own." Mike decided to cut the tension,"Well, You look nice in that shirt."

You looked down and laughed. "Its surprisingly comfy. Your mom has good taste." you teased.

"I pick out my own clothes" He rolled his eyes and defended himself.

"Wow, really I'm surprised." And for once instead of the usual huffing and puffing dick measuring contest , the both of you just laughed and finished the dishes.

*from the living room*

"What the heck is that all about?" Lucas pointed out to the boys. Now all of there heads were turned from the TV to kitchen as they watched their friends actually get along for once.

"Alternate universe. Gotta be" Dustin stated.

"What do you think happened up there?" Will and the rest of the boys were left puzzled till Mike's birthday when they finally found out. To say the very least they were shocked.

taglist: @campcampie​

[newstfionline]

I Took ‘Adulting Classes’ for Millennials

Andrew Zaleski, CityLab, Oct 29, 2018

On the eve of my wife’s 30th birthday--a milestone I, too, will soon hit--she posed a troubling question: Are we adults yet?

We certainly feel that way: We hold our own jobs, pay our own rent, cover our own bills, drive our own cars. Our credit is in order. But we don’t yet own a house and have no children--two markers commonly associated with fully-fledged adulthood (and two markers that both our sets of parents had reached well before they turned 30). And there are other gaps in our maturity: I don’t buy napkins or know how to golf; up until last year, I didn’t know how to change the oil in my car’s engine. Thankfully, last year we managed to throw a dinner party, our first, without burning the pork roast.

A vague anxiety over these known-unknowns is something of a generational hallmark. A Monday-morning scroll through the social media feed of the average 20-something might turn up a handful of friends sharing memes of dogs--looking bewildered, exasperated, or both--unironically captioned with something like: “Don’t make me adult today.”

Yes, Millennials have killed yet another thing. In this case, it’s something so fundamental that it may have seemed unkillable, but apparently isn’t: knowing how to be an adult.

Younger people need not look far on the internet to find popular condemnation from card-carrying grown-ups about our many shortcomings. We are, we are often told, simpering, self-indulgent, immune-to-difficulty know-nothings, overgrown toddlers who commute on children’s toys and demand cucumber water in our workplaces. But in our own social circles, such constructive criticism can be harder to find. Young urbanites tend to pack themselves into specific neighborhoods, cities, and living situations that have relatively fewer older residents. In such communities, knowledge on how to Seamless a meal to the doorstep is a dime a dozen, but first-hand experience in snaking a drain, cooking a meal for four, or operating a manual transmission comes at more of a premium. (To say nothing of the fact that a third of Americans between 18 and 34 are living with their parents.)

Luckily, the rough road to adulthood can be paved with adulting classes. The Adulting Collective, a startup venture out of Portland, Maine, made a big splash about two years ago after national news outlets reported on its in-person events. In its short lifespan, the Collective has offered up lessons, either guided or via online video, in such varied life skills as bike safety, holiday gift-giving for the cash-strapped, putting together a monthly budget, opening a bottle of wine without a corkscrew, and assembling a weekly nutritional plan. Their target audience: “emerging adults,” the massive 93-million-strong demographic group composed of people in their 20s and early 30s.

There are similarly structured programs across the country. At the Brooklyn Brainery, for example, you can take classes on how to run a good meeting or what Seinfeld teaches us about love. Take an online course with the Society of Grownups, sponsored by the insurance company Mass Mutual, and topics will include budgeting and how to deal with student-loan debt.

The sheer banality of many of these courses is their salient quality. They’re teaching stuff that people neither look forward to nor seem to enjoy, but implicitly recognize as part of being a grown-up: paying bills, setting a budget, calling the car insurance company, looking after your health. The joyless, quotidian chores of post-adolescence.

“Adulting is something nobody prepares you for, but you know it when it happens. It’s the unglorified part of being on your own,” says Rebekah Fitzsimmons, assistant director of the writing and communication program at Georgia Tech who taught a class on adulting in the 21st century in 2016.

In a bygone era, the ordinariness traditionally associated with growing the hell up was something few noticed--in the first half of the 20th century, 20-somethings were too busy trying not to die of the Spanish Flu or fighting Hitler to worry too much about what life skills they were failing to develop. That has now been replaced by public displays of what it means to be a self-sufficient human being, Fitzsimmons says. At the intersection of these two competing truths is the cottage industry of adulting, one nurtured by Instagram hashtags and built around how-to classes for hapless Millennials.

Born in 1989, I am a card-carrying member of the oft-derided demographic. How hapless am I? To find out, I signed up for the two action challenges the Adulting Collective offered last fall: one on nutrition and another focused on monthly budgeting. Via email, I received instructions for each of these week-long courses, which had me tackling a new skill or task each day.

When I hit 30, I intend to complete emerging adulthood fully equipped for whatever comes next.

First lesson: Hydrate! Never would I have thought the amount of water I consumed would be a point of instruction. But it turns out that young adults are notoriously poor judges of this particular basic biological need. The crash course in nutrition from the Adulting Collective that arrived in my inbox last fall was titled “Detox Before You Retox,” and it heavily emphasized hangover avoidance. Billed as a way to prepare yourself “before the next happy hour,” the instructions contained multiple steps broken down over five days. Step one: Get your basics in order, like eating your veggies, exercising, and drinking more water.

So one evening I stood in the harsh glow of my kitchen’s overhead fluorescent lighting--pitcher at the ready, glass on the countertop--applying myself to my first adulting lesson. On my smartphone I made a quick calculation: my weight, divided by 2.2, multiplied by my age, divided by 28.3, divided once more by eight. The answer: eight. More precisely, I needed to drink 7.56 cups of water to hit my proper daily intake.

This was only one of the big takeaways I received. I also learned that a morning drink of lemon water and cayenne pepper mixed with said water can help boost my metabolism, apparently. Like the unnecessarily complex hydration formula above, some of this material had the effect of making a heretofore uncomplicated thing more daunting. It was months later it finally dawned on me that a simple Google search could yield a far simpler answer for the number of glasses of water I ought to drink every day.

How did it come to this? Did previous generations have so much trouble mastering the basics?

“In an ideal world, we would all be followed around by this combination of our grandmother and Merlin who would lovingly teach us how to do each and every thing in the world,” says Kelly Williams Brown, author of the 2013 book Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 535 Easy(ish) Steps. “In the absence of that, it can be nice to have resources.”

Brown’s book seems to be largely responsible for the meteoric rise of the gerund form of the word (which was short-listed by Oxford Dictionaries as the word of the year in 2016). A revised edition of Adulting was published in March. The adulting industry itself is newer. Rachel Weinstein co-founded the Adulting School (now Collective) with Katie Brunelle in fall 2016. (Brunelle has since left the business.)

A professional therapist, Weinstein would sometimes encounter younger clients who spoke about the idiosyncrasies of grown-up life with a feeling of self-conscious shame. Being overwhelmed about how to manage money or clean out their kitchen pantry were things they felt they had to hide. “I just saw a lot of my clients struggle with life, trying to be competent in skills that we’re not necessarily taught. People had this sense of internal embarrassment,” she says.

To Weinstein, this seemed like a golden business opportunity. As a group, 26-year-olds are the single biggest age cohort in the U.S., followed by people who are 25, 27, and 24. Yet unlike previous generations, the young people of today are slower to reach the milestones usually associated with adulthood: living independently, forming their own households, having children, and getting married. “Today’s young people,” as the U.S. Census Bureau reported last year, “look different from prior generations in almost every regard.”

Tempting as it might be to identify the price of avocados as the culprit in this stunted generational progress, there may be other reasons to explain the shift. A research report released in the spring by Freddie Mac cited weak wage growth and the rapid rise of both housing costs and average expenditures as some of the principal reasons. “A popular meme, ‘adulting is hard,’ provides a humorous take on the challenges faced by young adults,” the authors wrote. “Like a lot of good comedy, the phrase has a tinge of cruelty.”

The typical adulting student is someone whose childhood was tech-dependent and activity-rich, the sort of high-achiever kid told to get good grades.

Geography plays a role, too: Millennials tend to choose to live in the centers of high-cost cities, and their earning power hasn’t kept pace with housing costs. Since 2000, the median home price in the U.S. has risen by a quarter, from $210,000 to $270,000, while the per capita real income for young adults has risen by only 1 percent during that same period. Throw those myriad factors together, and you have some of the explanation for why 20-somethings are renting for longer periods of time than they once did, as well as why marriage and fertility rates have dropped. Appropriately, Freddie Mac’s report was titled, “Why Is Adulting Getting Harder?”

But if you go further back, delaying the markers of adulthood does have historical precedent, says Holly Swyers, an anthropology professor at Lake Forest College. She recently completed a project examining adulthood in America from the Civil War to the present day. For much of the period Swyers studied, many Americans over 18 followed roughly the same trajectory as modern Millennials do: They spent their 20s figuring out life and establishing themselves financially. The script didn’t flip until the 1950s and 1960s, when the markers that defined crossing over into the world of adulthood came to mean marrying and having children.

“Marrying when you’re 20, having kids by 21, and being established is a little bit freakish in American history,” she says.

So if those Americans of yore managed to (eventually) attain maturity without the aid of online courses, why can’t Millennials?

Maybe we really are uniquely ignorant. That’s the thesis that GOP senator and Gen Xer Ben Sasse presents in his book The Vanishing American Adult. He writes that younger Americans have willfully embraced “perpetual adolescence.” Some of this is our fault, evidently: staring at our smartphones for hours on end has obliterated our attention spans. Yet Sasse also places blame at the feet of his own generation for its “reluctance to expose young people to the demands of real work.”

Weinstein, however, offers another explanation. She attributes the acute modern need for additional grow-up instruction to class and demographics. Her typical adulting student is probably someone whose childhood was tech-dependent and activity-rich, the sort of high-achiever kid who was repeatedly told to bring home good grades in order to get into a good college. “Whatever folks are really being pressured for college prep, they’re just not getting as much time and exposure at home hanging out with their family, learning how to unclog the kitchen sink, or hang a picture on the wall,” she says.

Lots of those over-scheduled and test-prepped teens of the aughts also missed out on erstwhile educational staples like home economics and shop classes, where high-school kids once learned how to darn a sock or hold a hammer; many schools began mothballing these mandatory courses in the 1990s. As a result, legions of American high-school graduates are being unleashed on the world without any basic skills. Some higher-education institutions, such as New Jersey’s Drew University, have stepped in to offer “Adulting 101” classes in things like beginner car care for their undergraduates.

The Adulting Collective doesn’t rely solely on Weinstein’s expertise for its courses, although it appears that designing an adulting curriculum is just as much of a challenge as growing up. Right now, the website contains some short posts and links to videos explaining a few skills, which is a deviation from the original idea to enlist instructors to offer online lessons. According to Weinstein, the new plan heading into 2019 is to build out a membership program that involves action challenges similar to the nutrition course I took part in. “One of the things I’ve learned as a therapist is a lot of times a little bit of accountability to somebody helps us achieve goals and get tasks done,” she says.

To Swyers, what’s extraordinary in Adulting Ed isn’t the curriculum itself, which is a pretty standard mix of self-improvement and personal finance tips. It’s the notion of branding such lessons under the “adulting” rubric. After all, classes geared toward grown-ups and their skills are all over the place. Visit any big-box hardware store and chances are there’s some sort of hands-on workshop taking place, for example. “If somebody is willing to be taught, for instance, basic kitchen skills--which people pay for all the time--they don’t call it an ‘adulting collective.’ They call it a cooking class,” Swyers says.

The difference, says Weinstein, is that the way younger adults are expected to grow older and assume our place in the world has dramatically changed: “I don’t think it’s a ‘hapless Millennial’ kind of thing at all. I just think there are things that are harder about the world today.”

Case in point: The spiraling costs of higher education. Those emerging adults are entering the workforce with massive student loans to pay off; no wonder some days all they can manage to do is Instagram bewildered-dog memes. “I have clients graduating from school with over $100,000 dollars worth of debt,” she says. “When you’re paying a mortgage’s worth of school debt every month, you’re probably going to need a little help stashing some money away in an emergency fund.”

Indeed, the most useful takeaways from my own brush with the adulting industry involved money management. Last fall’s challenge on budgeting included a chart for itemizing monthly breakdowns of expenses: so many dollars toward utilities, housing, food, clothing, and so on. After six months of following the chart I completed during the challenge, I managed to save up a sizable emergency fund of eight months’ worth of expenses--not bad for a freelance writer who graduated college with $250 to his name, and well worth the $5 I paid for the course itself.

The class was theirs. But the experience was all mine. And with my savings in order, I was freed up to stash excess cash in an additional account my wife and I hold to save for a future home down payment. With a house on the horizon, we’ve recently turned our attention to the prospect of having children sooner rather than later.

[somethingsohappily]

1-100, beautifullll! 😂😘😎

1. When, where, and how did you meet?We met on tumblrdotcom on August 6th (babe, is it the 6th?) I sent her a message and complimented her blog, she then followed me, and I sent her another message apologizing for all the One Direction because I thought she was cooler than me. Then basically we started talking a lot/daily and here we are!

2. What did you first notice about each other?I’m gonna be real honest, i thirst followed my girlfriend, and thought she was hot. Also I liked how she thought about things, felt like I really connected with her personal posts on here. But like, I thought she was hot y’all. 

3. Who first asked the other out?She asked me out officially, but I was the one to admit I had feelings for her first. (with prompting from Sammy) Which I did when she was sleeping and then I didn’t sleep because i was panicking that I sent it in a text. 

4. Where was your first date?Babe, real question, what do we count as a date? Are we talking Skyping? Are we talking when you took me out to dinner when I visited? 

5. Who was first to verbally say “I love you”?Morgannnn, because I had basically told her before we were even together that I’d be scared to say it first ever again after a previous relationship. Which she said on October 7th btws. 

6. How did your first kiss happen? Who initiated it?Ummmm our first kiss was in her car in the airport parking lot, Morgan asked so I think that means she initiated it :) 

7. When is your anniversary?November 7th 

8. How long have you been together?Officially 6 months, though we basically were dating in September

9. What made you realize you were in love with her?It’s sounds silly to say you ‘just know’ but I guess I just kind of knew. It was just this very intense connection and very safe feeling, it was different than how I’d ever felt towards a person. Like realizing this was the person I wanted to see everyday, and share everything with, and really couldn’t picture not having in my life. I don’t know if there was an exact moment, at least for me. 

10. Where you friends before you became a couple?Yes, though we’d only been friends for like a month before feelings got admitted. But we talked a lot/shared a ton before we got together. 

11. Were either of you out before becoming a couple?Both of us were already out!

12. Have either of you dated a girl before?We both have! 

13. How does your girlfriend define her sexuality?Gayyyyyyyy, she is a lesbian

14. When is your girlfriend’s birthday (month/day/year)? Who is older?Morgan is older by five years (she’s a little old lady), her birthday is April 15th 1987 

15. Do you live together?We do not, we didn’t actually lesbian uhaul… yet

16. Have you met your girlfriend’s parents? If so, what was that like?Over Skype I met her mom! She’s very sweet, very southern, she was teaching Morgan to cook and making sure she was eating enough. I was very nervous, but I look forward to meeting her and the rest of Morgan’s family in person. 

17. How many people are in your girlfriend’s family?Immediate, 4 including her. Though I think her grandma, aunt, brother in law, and niece get to be included. (Especially Brantley :) )

18. Whose family do you hang out with more?Neither really because of that whole distance thing! Though my parents always want to Skype her and want to pass along things, so I think mine would like to ‘hangout’ more if they could. 

19. Are you friends with any other same sex couples?Sammy and Bailey! But sadley, I don’t think I have that many other gay friends in same sex relationships. 

20. What is a typical date night like for you two?Considering the distance, it’s usually watching movies. But if we’re together and I’m not dying of the plague we have a lot more plans and stuff we’d go do. 

21. How do you usually spend your time together?Usually just hanging out on Skype, talking, watching movies, doing separate activities while having Skype on (coloring/drawing, playing guitar, cooking, chores, etc) 

22. Have you ever been mistaken for sisters?YES by people at her church!

23. Have you ever experienced any discrimination or prejudice becasue you are a same sex couple?So far no thankfully! 

24. Does anyone you know disapprove of your relationship?Not because we’re gay, but I’ve had some people get weird about the distance. I think a lot of people have very little faith in long distance so i’ve felt judged for it by some/or like they didn’t view it as ‘real’. 

25, How much PDA do you do?Again, long distance means not a lot. And I think we keep it pretty low-key, we aren’t like making out in your local park or anything! 

26. What nationality is your girlfriend?Does this mean if she’s from the US? We both live in the US. 

27. What is your girlfriend’s middle name?Ashley! (babe I hope it’s cool im telling the internet this!) 

28. Who usually pays when you go out to eat?We both would like to be the one that usually pays when the other visits, however we’re both stubborn and won’t let the other one do that! 

29. What is your girlfriend’s number labeled as in your cell phone?💙 Morgan💙

30. Do you have any pet names for each other?Just the typical: babe, baby, my love, sweetheart stuff. We’re gross! 

31. Does your girlfriend have any pets?She does not, though she almost stole a cat from the parking lot the other day, and I think we’ve mutually adopted a dumpster cat that i’ve named otis. 

32. Have you ever worn your girlfriend’s clothes?Yeah, I stole her flannel and wore her shirts when I was visiting. 

33. Who is more likely to cook a meal?Definitely me! 

34. What is your girlfriend’s favorite food? Least favorite food?Favorite food is meatloaf, least favorite food is mushrooms 

35. Who is more likely to cry for no reason?I mean, usually there’s a ‘reason’ for someone crying, and we both are pretty emotional. But I cry all the time, so probs me! 

36. Can your girlfriend play any musical instruments?I almost said no and was like, ‘no wait guitars are an instrument’ so yes, she plays guitar! 

37. Who is your girlfriend’s favorite musical artist?So I’m terrible and forgot even though she’s told me. I think Mumford and Sons is one of them, though I know there are more! 

38. What is your girlfriend’s current favorite song?I don’t know. I hope it’s “Strip That Down” by Liam Payne though

39. Do you have a couple song?When she asked me out she learned that song “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran on her guitar for me. So that one reminds me of her, even though its being severely overplayed on the radio right now. But I don’t know if that would be ‘our song”?

40. Do you have a couple name?Like… a ship name… ? No, thank god. 

41. What is your girlfriend’s best physical feature?Her eyes, and smile, and freckles 😘

42. Who is more likely to forget where they put things?I think we’re both forgetful, but I think that’s probably me. She’s always reminding me to put my debit card back in my wallet so i don’t lose it. 

43. Which side of the bed do you each sleep on?I sleep on the left (if you’re facing the bed) and I think right now she’s more on the right? I’m basing this off where the laptop is. 

44. Who hogs the blankets/sheets more when sleeping together?I don’t think either of this did this, but it’s likely me because i like being a blanket burrito

45. What do you argue/fight about the most?What I’ve considered arguments/fights are not things she views as arguments/fights. But this is one of those things I don’t feel cool getting into over the internet! 

46. How do you usually get over a argument/fight?We talk about it!

47. Does your girlfriend have an angry/annoyed/you’re in trouble stare? If so, show it!Ummmm I’d call it more a ‘mom look’ and it usually happens more over me saying I’m not tired or that nothing is wrong. It’s more like a ‘are you serious?’ look vs angry/annoyed. ALSO. Time to quote my favorite video of all time, “you’re not in trouble, you’re my wife’ is basically how I feel about that statement in general when it comes to partners! 

48. How good is your girlfriend at communicating through facial expressions?She’s pretty good at it, I can usually read her mood without her verbalizing too much! 

49. Who is more likely to refuse sex?Okay, so I dont like how this is worded, because anyone in a relationship is allowed to say no to sex at anytime and that isn’t a negative thing. However, I don’t think either of us really would 😂

50. Does your girlfriend play any sports?She used to do Karate, and she runs if that counts! 

51. Does your girlfriend root for any sports teams?Babe, do you? I vaguely remember you wanting to get a new t-shirt for Football or something but I don’t remember the team or how serious that was 😂

52. Who takes longer getting ready to go somewhere?Probably meeeee just based on who takes longer to shower in the morning! 

53. Who is more likely to remember an important date (i.e. birthday, anniversary, etc.)?I have a good memory, but I think she’s still better at this than I am! 

54. What is your girlfriend’s eye color?Blue! Her eyes are prettyyy

55. What is your girlfriend’s shoe size?I believe 7? Or maybe 6.5? 

56. What is your girlfriend’s dress size?If you think my girlfriend owns a dress.. 

57. What is your girlfriend’s favorite TV show?SVU, which she just finished!

58. What is your girlfriend’s favorite movie?Okay so I’m the worst, I think Dead Poets Society is on there, but I can’t rememberrrrrrr. 

59. Who is the bigger neat freak?We are both a mess, I think I am more organized with some things though

60. What is one item on your girlfriend’s bucket list?Graduate from college! Which she’s going to do! 

61. Who is more likely to utter a curse word?AHAHAHAHA MORGAN. She says the fuck word a lot 😂😂

62. Does your girlfriend prefer coffee or tea?Coffee, but she also likes tea, especially sweet tea

63. Is your girlfriend a morning or a night person?I think she’s more of a night person, however she’s still more of a morning person than I am! 

64. Is your girlfriend more likely to save or spend money?She doesn’t spend her money on a lot honestly, but she’s not as organized with saving as I am (hi i have three saving accounts) 

65. Who squashes the bugs?Morgan, she’s very good at it! Though we live separately, so I also have to squash the bugs! 

66. Who’s better at accurately telling when the other is lying?I think we both know when something’s up, though to clarify we don’t lie to each other, the most we do is try and pretend we’re fine when we’re not. 

67. What is your girlfriend’s favorite color?Blue! 

68. Does your girlfriend collect anything?Morgan keeps basically all the sentimental things she’s ever been given, like she has every letter, and/or camp items in her possession. 

69. Who is more likely to randomly burst out into a song?100% Morgan

70. Who is more likely to randomly start dancing?I think Morgan, usually it’s accompanied by her singing along to something!

71. Have you ever taken a vacation together? If so, where to?So far it’s just been when we visit each other, though when that isn’t a thing anymore, I think we definitely will! 

72. How tall is your girlfriend?5 Foot, she makes me feel tall 

73. Is your girlfriend religious at all?She is, she’s lutheran and an aspiring pastor 😘

74. Who is more likely to spontaneously be romantic?That’s Morgan, me being spontaneous would still be me making a very intense organized plan. 

75. Who’s laugh is cuter?MORGANS

76. Who is the better driver?We both are gays that know how to drive and have good driving records, I’d like to say me just because I drive more than she does. But I also got pulled over for traveling in the passing lane the other day, so I might not be.. though I didn’t get a ticket! 

77. Who is the better singer?Morgan likes to say me, but she and my mother are biased. 

78. Who is the better dancer?Morgan used to tap dance and i don’t dance (this isn’t a high school musical moment though) so probably her

79. Who is better at math?Don’t ask us to do math 

80. Whose handwriting is better?I think hers is!

81. Who has a better sense of humor?I think Morgan is hilarious, even her puns, so her!

82. Has your girlfriend ever given you a honey-do list?What is this straight nonsense?? I make lists all the time, but they aren’t like ‘chore lists’ that she has to get done. 

83. Does your girlfriend smoke?Nope, cigarettes or pot, thank goodness! 

84. Does your girlfriend drink alcohol at all? If so, what is her drink of choice?She sometimes drinks, and usually it’s Cider or a Mike’s if that’s all she can find. I know she sometimes drinks whiskey, but I can’t remember what she mixes it with. 

85. Does your girlfriend have a job?Yes indeed!

86. Who is more physically strong?Probably Morgan, she’s always lifting stuff at work! 

87. From 1-10, how health conscious is your girlfriend?AHAHAHAHA ummmm considering sometimes she just consists of popsicles and cheerwine… definitely lower on that scale

88. Have you ever shared a toothbrush? Nooooo, I get that we technically share spit, but that’s too far for me. 

89.. Can your girlfriend speak more than one language? If so, which one(s)?No she cant

90. Who is your girlfriend’s biggest celebrity crush?Anna Kendrick or Anne Hathaway, I feel like there was a third that I’m completely forgetting! 

91. Does your girlfriend have any quirky habits?She has to be early to everything, and by early, I mean like an hour early! 

92. What is the most romantic thing your girlfriend has ever done for you?Ummmm probably how she asked me out, she dressed up and wore a tie and everything, and then played a song on her guitar. She also wrote out something to go with it, which I now have. It was very very sweet. Also her Christmas gift was a lot, and she gave me a picture album for us to start and wrote out sticky notes to fill this jar of things she loves about me 🙈

93. Who reads more?Definitely Morgan! 

94. From 1-10, how feminine is your girlfriend?She’s more androgynous, so like a 1 probs!

95. Have you ever discussed marriage?Yes we have! 

96. Have you ever discussed having children?Yes, we also have!

97. Be honest: What is one thing your girlfriend does that you don’t like?SHE THINKS SHE NEEDS A FEDORA BUT SHE DOES NOT

98. Is there anything about your girlfriend you think most people don’t know?I’m sure there’s a lot, but something like that would be up to her disclosure vs mine! 

99. Beauty terms aside, choose one word to describe your girlfriend. Why that word?Loveofmylife (I made it oneeee)

100. Pass on one piece of relationship adviceAlways communicate and be honest, honestly I think the reason that we are able to manage this big of a distance is because we always communicate and trust each other completely. Also make time for each other, we love spending time with each other and make sure to set aside time for that everyday. 

[formerdirectioner]

Warning: this post is rly fucking long, kinda pointless, and has a suicide attempt mention.

Hi it’s four am and I’m in my feels so I’m gonna share

My senior year of high school my best friend moved away. She was a year older than me so she went to college. And as many people who went to college know, you don’t really keep in contact with your high school friends your freshman year and she went through a whole load of shit that isn’t mine to share that meant she was focused pretty solely on her own life.

And I went to a small town school. You don’t make new cliques senior year. You’ve had those cliques established since 7th grade at the absolute latest. So it’s not like I didn’t have other friends but they were the type of friends I sat with at lunch and talked about one direction with. Some good memories come from those friends.

But I also wasn’t really ~in their group. They talked at lunch about the things they had done that I hadn’t been invited too and so I always felt just a bit on the outside.

So I turned to other friends I had online. And that was good. I met my best friend I still love and cherish to this day that year. I also met a friend I had for five years and who I loved. And then I met this girl named Maggie. I was seventeen, Maggie was around 23. One day, Maggie turned on me. She never told me what I did. I found out years later from someone else that it was because she thought one of our friends liked me more than her.

But she turned on me fast. She started telling all my other friends why I was so awful. She started anonymously posting hate about me and then lying and saying it wasn’t her. She also started anonymously sending hate to herself, and then claimed it Definitely was me. This was just another reason I was so Awful.

And none of my friends wanted to take sides. Maggie had never done anything wrong to them! Besides, it wasn’t a big deal right? Just some internet drama. This cumulated in them all joining a community with Maggie that I wasn’t allowed to join. It got to the point my best friend quit a community we were in and told me it was because her internet didn’t work. It turned out she had actually joined Maggie’s and just didn’t want me to know.

And looking back this all probably seems really dumb and petty right? But as a teenager who was isolated from almost everyone at the time it was a really big deal. I’m not going to get into my home life but know it wasn’t great, we lived in the country, and my only sister is seven years older than me so she has moved out of the house when I was in elementary school. This internet drama and my friends not choosing sides was the start of my mental illness getting really really bad.

Eventually Maggie started doing this to our other friends. They all ended up apologizing to me and saying they were wrong not to take sides and admitting they knew she had been awful to me. They said they wouldn’t do it again.

Less than a year later I was a freshman in college. I had no friends. I’m not exaggerating there. I made no friends my freshman year in college. 2015 was the worst year of my life. I would go to class, come back to my dorm room, and get online. My online friends were my only friends and the only thing I really cared about that year.

And then I met a girl named V. V was 24. I was 18. V had a crush on my girlfriend at the time and she didn’t have a problem with sharing. Publicly. She would post on the Tumblr I, my friends, and my girlfriend followed her on that she was a better choice for my girlfriend and would make posts implying there were feelings between her and my girlfriend but that my girlfriend was staying with me out of a sense of pity.

So I ended up ending that friendship because it was pretty clear she never really cared about my feelings in that matter. After I ended that friendship I was the Bad Guy and she continued to make posts about me and about how I was a bad friend, a bad girlfriend, and a bad person.

My friends again decided they didn’t want to take sides. My girlfriend hated conflict and didn’t want to get involved. She was friends with V and the entire situation made her uncomfortable. Besides, you can’t make someone stop having a crush!

That situation ended in me and my girlfriend breaking up and me being isolated from my best friend. It also led to a suicide attempt in the summer of ‘15.

What happened next was meeting a new girl named Cait. Cait was 23. I was 19. This girl agreed with me that V was out of line. That it was my girlfriend’s loss for losing me. That Maggie had treated me badly and that she would take my side if anything that like happened again.

And so I was starting to get better. I introduced her to another friend I had, the only friend I still had out of my online friend group from my senior year of high school, Monica. Suddenly, I wasn’t important anymore. Monica and Cait became best friends.

This led to a lot of jealousy on my part. Cait and I started fighting over things (and I can admit some of those were my fault) and eventually our friendship ended. Cait started posting on Tumblr about how much she hated me, how she wanted any of our mutual friends to drop me, and how she literally wanted me dead.

My friends, especially Monica, would not take a side. They said she has a right to hurt feelings and lashing out. But if I tried to defend myself by replying to one of her negative posts about me, I was the bad guy for “searching out negativity.” Monica and I kept a rocky friendship for another couple years but it finally ended this year, probably for good.

She decided Cait was better than I am. I’m guessing she realized she couldn’t keep refusing to pick sides. She ended our four year friendship over a tweet about how I don’t like Halsey, because Halsey is Cait’s favorite person. I can’t stand Halsey even more now.

Anyway, during this fighting with Cait and Monica I got very depressed. I stopped going to classes. This was only a couple of months after my suicide attempt and I ended up failing an entire semester of college. My dad gave me an ultimatum to get better or move back home.

Thankfully I reconnected with my best friend around this time. I also became friends with a girl named Kim who had also been fucked over by Maggie. I reached out to her when I heard what happened and told her I was on her side. I’m still friends with her and there’s been absolutely no drama between us.

Anyway, I became lucky enough that I met real life friends that year. They’re my best friends to this day. I have birthday plans with them on the 9th. They’ve saved me a lot more than they’ll ever realize, I think.

Real life friendships are a lot less toxic than online friendships, but things still happen. One of my friends is still close (or was, at least, I’m not sure they are anymore) to my former roommate who I don’t like. It makes things awkward. When she was supposed to come over after hanging out with the roommate one day the roommate purposefully made her late in the hopes she’d end up not coming over.

In a perfect world she’d drop her. I know she won’t. I’m not going to end our friendship over it. But if just reinforces the philosophy I created for myself in 2014: If someone mistreats one of my friends or loved ones, I don’t want them in my life.

And that probably won’t ever change for me. You may find it silly or want to slap some sense into me but just having people on my side would have changed so much of those worst two years of my life. So even if you may not think things are a big deal, I probably will feel differently.

Anyway. I would put this under a cut if I could but I can’t because it’s mobile. I kinda hope no one actually reads it but it’s 4:30 and I can’t sleep and I needed to write this down somehow so. Might as well put it out there since I over share anyway and there’s basically a spread out timeline of all of this happening on my personal. 🤷🏼‍♀️