#thank you to everyone who was nice to me and kept me sane

[t4t4tclethian]

The moment Joel realizes he has a crush on xB is, objectively, quite a funny one. He’d almost certainly be laughing about it if it had been anyone else. As it is, though, he’s hopping mad, extremely indignant, and deeply embarrassed about the whole thing. Who ever heard of a hitman falling for their mark? (Well, a lot of people have- it’s a whole romance cliche for a reason. But it wasn’t supposed to actually happen!)

(ao3 link)

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It had all started a few days earlier, when Joel had been hanging out with the other Magical Mountaineers in the breakroom. Gem and Impulse were poring over some papers together, Skizz was on a phone call in the corner, Mumbo was politely watching as Scar fumbled through some magic tricks, and Grian was sitting on the couch with Joel, listening to him rant about his failures at killing xB (he’d drawn the short straw). Everything was normal.

And then, when Joel paused his tirade to take a breath, Grian said those fatal words. “From the way you talk about this guy, Joel, it’s almost like you’ve got a crush on the mark!”

Which was ridiculous, of course! He does blummin’ not, thank you! His relationship with xB was a perfectly platonic contract killing, and Joel is a professional! He knows better than to fall for his target, and he indignantly tells Grian as much.

But, of course, Grian is Grian, and the second he senses he’s touched a nerve he doubles down. And so he did.

“Contract killing? Give me a break, Joel! Your contract on this guy expired ages ago, and you’re not the type to work for free.” Grian’s eyes twinkled with mischief as he continued to needle at Joel. “Admit it, there’s something else going on here, isn’t there?”

Joel spluttered, and took a deep breath as he glanced around the room. Fuck. Everyone had stopped what they were doing to listen in on him and Grian now. He had to say something to throw them off or he would never be able to live this conversation down.

“My contract might be done, but unlike some people I finish the things I start, thank you very much!”

Grian squawked in indignation, and as he did so the others chuckled and turned back to their own conversations, unfounded accusations of romance forgotten. Grian’s tendency to leave things unfinished was well-known, and something that every assassin at Magic Mountain had teased him over many times.

But that thought refused to leave his brain. It had wiggled its way in like a worm. Did he have a crush on xB? Is that why he kept coming back when any sane person would’ve just given it up already? And the answer, of course, is no. All of Joel’s actions here have perfectly reasonable and professional explanations.

————————————————————

Joel waits patiently on the rooftop across from Horse Head Farmer’s Market (which, despite the name, is actually a grocery store/money laundering scheme, not a farmer’s market), rifle at the ready, just as he has been for the past three and a half hours. You can’t rush a good sniping, after all, and xB’s schedule varies enough that Joel’s never quite sure when he’ll head out for lunch. (He’s pretty sure xB has done this specifically to spite Joel- the guy’s obsessed with him.)

Yes! Finally! xB steps out of the store, starts walking down the street, and- turns to look at Joel’s rooftop, makes direct eye contact with him, and gives him a friendly little wave, the infuriatingly sincere kind that makes Joel want to kill him even more. Dammit. He’s been caught. Also, wow, even from here Joel is a little wowed by how blue xB’s eyes are. Or maybe he’s just remembering how they look, because there’s no way Joel can actually see his eyes from here. They are definitely a very nice blue, though, and oh, huh, Joel realizes that Lizzie has blue eyes, too. Maybe he’s got a thing for blue-eyed people, and- OH SHIT RIGHT HE’S KILLING THIS GUY.

Joel fires, because even if he’s been discovered a vantage point is still a vantage point. Of course, xB somehow manages to not be in the bullet’s path, just like he always does, and then he gives Joel a disapproving look, like he’s actually disappointed Joel didn’t do a better job at trying to kill him.

God, he’s so cute, Joel’s brain has the audacity to think, like it’s trying to add insult to insult to injury. To Joel’s horror, he realizes in this moment that he’s had dozens, maybe even hundreds of thoughts like this, that just slipped through the cracks and went unnoticed.

Then, xB smiles at him again before heading on his way, and Joel falls off of the rooftop. He has time to think, Oh, I’m gonna kill Grian, as he plummets towards the ground. And then, everything goes dark, and he dies.

[onlyinyourdreams404]

Tragedies. . . 🩹 König x M!Reader

word count: 1.4k

CW: talk of death, alcohol mentioned, reader is 20, then 21. (i don’t do angst much, but this is more of a “this happened to me” thing, so im more of ranting, so please let me know how i did with this🙏🏻 LOVE YOU GUYS! tysm for all the love on my last post!)

summary: reader lost his mother at the young age of 17. grief is hard to overcome, but when you have someone to be there for you when you need it, i guess it isn’t so bad.

|grief| |grēf|

Noun

-deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.

some days seemed easier than others. well when you lose a mother at 17, the years seem to go so fast but days, seem endless. for (y/n), nothing seems meaningful. after losing his mother just 21 days after he turned 17, he hasn’t had a meaning to life. he barely scrapped by in school until he graduated. he grew up telling his mom that he was worried she was not gonna be there for his graduation. she used to reassure him that she would, she wouldn’t miss it for the world. so when she passed, he found every reason to graduate just for her. after graduating, he didn’t know what to do with his life, joining the military was the only option left, it has kept him sane and busy.

könig had not really talked to him other than the interview for the position in kortac, they need another man since the last one had been KIA. könig read (y/n)’s file, seeing the man’s grades questioning if this was a good idea, until he actually met the guy, who turned out to be a very good fit for kortac, very stoic, and kept to himself, but seemed nice. (y/n) ended up getting into kortac, since they needed a sniper. (y/n) had been excited to be the new sniper, since he could sit still, and his stats showed he was capable.

after weeks of training, he was ready for the next mission. he was assigned this position with könig. all (y/n) had to do was kill anybody könig didn’t see while he was searching the building for information. while being helicoptered to their destination, (y/n) had picked up the habit of listening to “lose yourself” by eminem before anything he had to do to hype himself up, to get in the mindset, just like his mom did. könig watches (y/n) with a close eye as he bobbed his head ever so slightly listening to the song. könig found it strange, but i guess everyone has their quirks.

they get to their destination and (y/n) sets up his spot while könig goes down to the building there the information is. (y/n) radios in first on the comms; “can ya hear me sir?” he says looking through his scope, finding könig easily, then switching to different windows to watch the enemies. “ja loud and clear Soldat” he says quietly into his comms his accent apparent over the comms. (y/n) nods, “good thing sir.” (y/n) adjusts himself slightly to get comfortable, listening to the silence was a little awkward. (y/n) watches as one enemy goes down as könig takes him down easily with a knife to the guys throat. “the room to your right sir, two enemies.” (y/n) says into the comms. könig sneaks into the room and takes down one solider as (y/n) shoots the other dead center. “good shot soldat” könig says into the comms. “thank you sir.” (y/n) says back. “i know this isn’t time for small talk, but tell me more about you sir” (y/n) says, trying to cure the awkwardness. “i’ll tell you more about me later soldat, pay attention” könig responds. ‘well, there goes small talk’ (y/n) thinks to himself.

they finish up the mission, a successful mission. (y/n) meets up with könig while waiting for their helicopter. “good job sir.” he says looking up at könig. könig looks down at reader, and nods, “good job out their soldat, i’m glad to have you on my team, ja?” könig says, smiling somewhat under his mask. (y/n) looks away, fidgeting with his hands slightly while waiting for the helicopter.

“what happened to you soldat? if you don’t mind me asking. what’s with ‘lose yourself’?” könig asked, not looking away from (y/n). (y/n)’s shoulders tense slightly from the question. to avoid konig’s gaze, (y/n) doesn’t stop looking at the ground, thinking about how he should answer this question, he isn’t ready to tell könig just yet. “oh uhm, nothing really. my mom would play that song for me on the way to football games i played when i was young. she would do the same when she was in softball. more of a traditional thing between me and her i guess” he answered half honestly and half lying. könig keeps looking at (y/n) and nods, looking up to the helicopter that is approaching, “oh ok. it’s good to have a good bond with your mother. that’s a cool tradition.” he says, knowing something about that answer isn’t right, he can tell, but he won’t pressure the male. (y/n) blinks back any tears, picking at his gloves, out of anxiety. time to go back to base.

after a year of being at kortac, (y/n) starts to open up more. well, a little too much due to the alcohol, now that it’s his birthday, he wanted to spend that, at the bar. (y/n) and könig had become close friends, sharing small things from childhood. now that (y/n) was under the influence of alcohol, he didn’t care sharing what happened to his mom. “könig, remember when you wanted to know more about me?” (y/n) slurs, looking up at könig with a pink flushed face. könig, having only a drink, knowing he had to the two back to base, he looks down at the male. “ja i do. are you ok with sharing?” he asked, austrian accent apparent. (y/n) nods, looking at his glass of jack daniels, thinking for a minute. “yea ‘s fine” he slurs, trying to think of how to word it. “i’ll just get straight to it, my mom died when i was 17. 21 days after, to be exact. i was devastated. i was just starting junior year of highschool,” (y/n) stops, blinking back tears. “i always had a fear when i was little, that my own mother wouldn’t be alive during my graduation, since she was 30 years older then me, that would make her 49 when i graduated. she always told me, ‘i’ll be there, i wouldn’t miss it for the world’. you can guess how i reacted when i found out she had died, a year before i graduated. my worst fear and nightmare had come true.”

(y/n) slurs slightly, taking a drink out of his glass. he looks down at it, only to push it away and put his head down into his arms. “why did she have to leave me könig? i don’t get it. please take the drink away. i don’t want to drink when im sad.” he says desperately. he knows what will happen if he gets into the habit of drinking while sad. könig calls the bartender over to take (y/n) glass, “i don’t know kind, it wasn’t fair for you, you were only a kid” he says softly, lifting (y/n)’s head slightly to look at him. “it will be ok, you’ve got us now. your mutter would be proud.” he says smiling under his mask, his eyes crinkling slightly as he does so. (y/n) looks up at him, and smiles, and leans against könig, face a light shade of pink, “thanks könig..” (y/n) slurs, “i’m sorry” he says quietly. könig looks down at the male, head tilting slightly, “what for kind? you have nothing to apologize for” he says to the male. (y/n) wipes his eyes gently to wipe away any stray tears, “for just, dumping all of that onto you, you shouldn’t have to deal with my trauma, i’m sorry” (y/n) says, voice wavering slightly. könig puts his arm around (y/n) shoulders and brings him closer, putting the male’s head to his chest, “i’m glad you told me schatz, i’m glad to get to know you better, i’m not mad. it’s good to get things off your chest, thank you for trusting me with that information, i’ll always be here if you need a shoulder to cry on schatz, always.” he says, his thumb running circles in the males back, soothing him. (y/n) hums and puts his arms around könig, just enjoying the embrace.

maybe grief isn’t so bad when you have someone there to cry on when you need it.

[ro-is-struggling]

Goodmorning Ro! I wanna send in a request for your event but don't have much in the way of specifics so I hope that's alright? Besides, I don't remember that episode and would love to see where you take it if you take it. Anyway hope you have a good day!

Prompt: 9 (Part 1)

Character: Dr. Strange (Character B)

Genre: Comedy/Fluff/Light Smut(if inclined)

OMG I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST IT! Life got in the way and I had to stop writing for a while, but I'm back now! Thank you for your patience and I hope this silly little fic finds you somehow after all this time anon💕

I loved writing this one! I tried my best to combine the above-mentioned genres as best as possible, but idk, I hope I did a good job. I feel like I wanted to make it more of a crack fic at the start but then I got carried away and ended up being more spicy. I literally had to stop myself from turning this into a full on smut lol I hope you like it anyways!

THE CALL || STEPHEN STRANGE X READER

Summary: During a girls night you are challenged to leave a dirty message for Stephen Strange as part of a game of truth or dare. You accept without much thought, the alcohol in your system stopping you from realizing that your relationship would never be the same after that.

Warnings: suggestive tones, alcohol consumption, attempt at humor, teasing, a bit of dirty talk, name calling (whore) implied smut

English is not my first language

Word count: 4300

This fic is part of my 600 followers celeration

The girls' night was Wanda's idea. After the stressful mission you had been through, hanging out together to relax and gossip was exactly what you needed to recover. Nat and you were a little tired, but eventually gave in after Wanda convinced Hope and Sharon, who happened to be in the avengers' compound when you arrived, too. So you all changed into your comfiest pajamas and, after kicking all the men out of the living room, you all settled down on the couch with a cheesy rom-com playing in the background as you chatted.

The tiredness and tension disappeared from your body as you laughed with your friends, joking and listening to their love problems. It was nice to switch off your brain every now and then and act like you were normal people, worrying about trivial things instead of thinking about the problems affecting the world. It kept you sane and restored your faith in humanity. There was nothing that improved your mood like hanging out with your friends just eating junk food and talking about stupid things.

You were having a good time, drowning in pizza and ice cream while laughing, but when Natasha started mixing drinks things started to go off the rails. With the alcohol levels in everyone's blood rising the conversation became increasingly more chaotic and wild, confessing embarrassing secrets and constantly telling one another how much you loved each other. It wasn't long before someone suggested playing truth or dare and everyone agreed, far too drunk to think about the consequences.

The first few rounds were uneventful, consisting mostly of silly truths and the occasional simple dare such as taking a shot or doing something to annoy one of their teammates. However, as the rounds progressed and the alcohol got into your systems, the game got out of control. And when your turn came you regretted your choice of dare as soon as the words left Natasha's mouth.

"I dare you to send Strange a dirty voicemail." The redhead looked at you with a mischievous smile. Her arched eyebrow challenged you, wondering if you would even dare to accept her proposal. She knew how you felt about Stephen, she'd had to listen to you ramble on multiple times about him and his perfect face that looked like it had been carved by the angels themselves. She knew you liked him, but she also knew you were never going to make the first move. So she thought the best thing to do was to give you a little push —well, it seemed small in her alcoholized mind.

"No way!" you groaned, refusing to participate in the game. You weren't drunk enough to ignore that voice in your mind telling you that this was a bad idea. 

"You can't refuse!" Wanda interjected. "That's not how it works!"

"If you do, you'll have to drink from the mystery cocktail and you don't really want to do that, trust me." Sharon said, remembering the horrible taste of the mystery drink Natasha had prepared as punishment for chickens who didn't complete the dares. She didn't know what the fuck she'd put in there, but it tasted awful.

"Fine!" You gave in to peer pressure. "But it'll be anonymous!" The last thing you needed at that moment was to have to face the consequences of such actions. What Natasha didn't seem to want to understand was that your hesitation to confess to Stephen how you felt about him didn't just come from a place of fear of rejection, it was much more complicated than that. You could handle rejection, what you couldn't handle was continuing to work with him after such humiliation. Stephen was an avenger, so before you did anything you had to consider how it might affect the team.

"That's fine by me!" Nat aceptó y las demás chicas la siguieron.

"But I'm going to need a drink before I do this."

You took a sip of the strongest drink on the table, feeling the sting of the alcohol as it went down your throat. You needed a lot of courage to do what you were about to do, to lower your inhibitions to the point of losing your sense of shame and self-control. You weren't as intoxicated as you would have liked to be —you were definitely going to remember this in the morning—, but you figured it was for the best. You still needed to be able to speak clearly and form coherent sentences, two things that would be impossible if you kept drinking. So you rested your now empty glass on the table and picked up your phone, ready to get it over with for good.

"It has to be good!" You heard Wanda say as your fingers awkwardly searched your contacts for Stephen's number, making sure to set your number to private and encrypt it before doing anything so he couldn't trace the message back to you. "You have to talk like you mean it."

"Yeah! If he doesn't get a hard on after listening to your voice then you failed the dare." Natasha added and you threw one of the couch cushions in her face.

"That doesn't make any sense! You can't possibly know the effects it might have on him." You complained, pointing out your friends' exaggeration. "He might not even open it."

"Oh I'll know," Wanda assured you, giving you one of those mischievous smiles that sometimes made you question her mental sanity. 

"Whatever," you said, rolling your eyes. "Any other requests before I do this? It's now or never." The girls shook their heads, giving you the green light to proceed. You took a moment to mentally prepare yourself, clearing your throat and blurting out a few words as you searched for a new tone of voice that sounded sultry yet different enough from your normal voice to throw Stephen off. 

Before tapping on his contact on your phone you tried to focus on him and how he made you feel. His cocky smile was the first thing that came to your mind, the one he gave you every time his plans worked out after you questioned them. That smile drove you crazy. His lips in general drove you crazy. You spent more time than you'd like to admit imagining what it would be like to feel his kisses on your skin, caressing every inch of your body. You wondered if his tongue was as skilled at pronouncing incantations as it was at bringing pleasure to a woman. The mere image of his face buried between your legs, devouring you like a starving man was enough to make your center drip with need. 

His hands were the next thing that popped into your mind, the way they moved in the air with precision each time he casted a spell. You loved watching him work, you got completely lost in your thoughts as you silently admired him, imagining how his hands would feel on your body, touching each curve with delicate sensuality. You were convinced that he really knew what to do with his hands to have a girl screaming his name in seconds, those skillful fingers of his were good for more than magic and you were dying to feel them exploring the deepest parts of your being.

Once you let your imagination run wild it was easy to find the right words to complete your dare. You didn't even have to think too hard about keeping a different voice, the low, sensual tone came naturally to you as you left a message for Stephen detailing everything you wanted to do to him —and everything you wanted him to do to you. You tried to control yourself since your friends were in the room with you, carefully choosing your words so as not to reveal so much about your true fantasies. But you made sure he knew how attractive you found him and how you were willing to let him do whatever he wanted to you. 

The moment you hung up, all the girls burst into hysterical laughter, theorizing about what Stephen's reaction would be when he heard your message in the morning. You were buzzing with euphoria, too intoxicated to feel embarrassed, so you laughed with them. Your confused mind wasn't able to comprehend that you were the one who would have to face the consequences of your little game. That was a problem for the Y/N of the future and at that moment the next morning seemed to be far in the future. All that mattered to you at that moment was to relax and enjoy the evening, laughing with your friends. And that was exactly what you did until at some point you fell asleep on the living room couch.

When you woke up in the morning you regretted all the decisions you had made the day before, from accepting the first drop of alcohol to sleeping on the couch. Now not only did you have a headache that barely let you think, but also your whole body felt stiff due to the awful position in which you had slept on the couch. You grunted as soon as you felt Tony's voice, no doubt speaking louder than necessary to annoy you as he paced around the kitchen preparing breakfast. You hated the open concept building design more than ever at that moment, missing walls that separated the living room and sheltered you from the sound.

"I hate you." You winced when he came over to ask if you were going to have breakfast. He sounded so cheerful and amused while you were miserable that it made you angry. Your head was pounding and your stomach was upset. However, the smell of freshly brewed coffee coming from the kitchen forced you to get up, reluctantly dragging yourself into the kitchen where Nat, Wanda and Sharon greeted you with tired looks. 

"Seems like you ladies had quite a night." Steve said with a smile, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down next to you. His hair was still wet from the shower, probably because he had gotten up early to go for a run like he did every morning. You never really cared about that, but this time you couldn't help but look at him like he was crazy for daring to do such a thing. The very idea of moving at a speed faster than a zombie made you want to vomit.

"Remind me to never drink again." You grumbled, taking one of the pills Nat had passed you. Sharon agreed with you, complaining about how the world still seemed to be spinning around her.

"What the hell did you put in that drink?" She asked Natasha, but the redhead just laughed. 

"Shhh, can you guys stay quiet? My head is killing me." Wanda interjected, raising her head to give everyone a pleading look before plopping back down on the marble of the island. 

Everyone's condition improved considerably after eating a lot of greasy food and drinking a lot of water. It also helped that the medicine kicked in, although you were still feeling tired and slightly sore. When you regained some of your good mood and will to live you went back to the living room, settling down on the couch with a cup of hot coffee in the hopes of watching the tv until your energies were recharged. However, your plans were ruined when you discovered that someone was already there. And not just anyone, but Stephen Strange, who was talking to Tony while holding his phone in his hand. 

Memories of the night before came back to you in a series of flashes that replayed in your mind like a movie. You stared in horror at the men in front of you, wondering if Stephen had gotten your message yet. You sat as far away from them as possible, focusing on your coffee as you tried to listen to their conversation. Your strategy was to be discrete and play dumb if their eyes at any point caught on you, but when you saw Natasha walk into the living room you knew your plan was out the window.

"What are you guys talking about?" The redhead interrupted them, "Expecting an important phone call?" She added, looking at the phone in Stephen's hands with a raised eyebrow. 

"Our favorite wizard here got a spicy message from an encrypted number and he needs my help to figure out who this mystery person is" Tony explained with amusement in his voice and Stephen gave him a murderous look.

"Thanks for the discretion, Tony."

"Spicy how?" Natasha pressed the issue to see if she could get Stephen to give more details, especially about how that message had made him feel. 

"Oh you have to hear it, this girl did not hold back." Tony said and you choked on the coffee you were drinking. He had heard it! "She was really grateful to him for saving the world and wanted to give something back to him, if you know what I mean."

"We all know what you mean, Stark. You're not very subtle." Stephen rolled his eyes. "And give me that back." He snatched the phone out of her hands before she could pass it to Natasha to listen to the message. "Can you help me or not?"

"Why do you want to know who this person is?" Nat teased, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "You really liked it, huh?"

"No! I just... I'm concerned it might be a stalking situation so I want to know who this person is." Stephen tried so hard to sound confident, but even you were able to notice the hesitation in his voice. He was making excuses. He was at least intrigued by the message and that made you feel a strange sense of pride. Even though you were a little drunk, you had managed to get his attention with your words and your sensual voice. Sure, he didn't know it was you, but that didn't matter to you at the moment, the confidence slowly building in your system didn't let you think about it.

"Hey! No one is judging here." Tony spoke up. "If I were in your place I would like to know who this mystery person is too."

Stephen let out a sigh, rolling his eyes. "Just let me know when you get something."

He stormed off, leaving you with a million unanswered questions and a strange feeling in your stomach. Tony ran after him and Natasha took advantage of the fact that you were alone to give you a gentle push to get your attention. You moved your gaze from the door through which he had disappeared to look up at your friend, who was looking at you with a playful smile.

"He's crazy about you." She stated but you downplayed it, saying he was only interested because he didn't know it was you talking on the other end of the line. However, you couldn't help but feel a little flame burning inside you. You felt confident and for the first time since you had met Stephen you felt you had a chance with him.

The next time you saw Stephen was during an Avengers meeting to discuss a possible mission. You barely paid attention to what Steve was saying, too distracted by the perfect profile of Stephen sitting next to you. The sunlight coming through the large windows illuminated his face in a special way, giving him an ethereal aura that made it impossible for you to look away from him and those ridiculously sharp cheek bones he had. It was torture to have him so close looking like a Greek god and not being able to do anything about it. Your new found confidence hated it. It took all your power to control your urges, striving to calm your wild fantasies at least until Steve let you out of there. 

You were so lost in your own thoughts that you didn't realize the meeting was over until you saw the other team members disappearing behind the door. Soon it was just you and Stephen in the large conference room. You gave him a quick glance and noticed that he was looking at his phone once again. You wondered then if he was waiting for another message from you, if he was as crazy about that mysterious voice on the other end of the line as he seemed to be. It was pretty hard to contain your urges at that moment.

"Any new leads on your mystery person case?" your voice alerted Stephen, who looked up from his phone to rest his gaze on you.

"No, Stark hasn't called me yet."

"Is that what you were checking on your phone while Steve talked?" You asked him, getting up from your seat to move closer to him, settling against the table right in front of his chair. "If Stark had called with any leads?"

There was something in your tone of voice that alerted Stephen, a sensual undertone he had never heard in you before and it made him wonder what you were getting at. He had felt your eyes on him throughout the meeting, he always did, but for some reason this time it felt different.

"Why do you care so much?" He countered, looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm just curious as to what has you so distracted lately." You faked innocence, shrugging your shoulders. "Was it really that good?"

"Excuse me?" Stephen was surprised by your sudden audacity, though he couldn't say he didn't find it intriguing. 

"It seems to me that you're desperate to hear that voice again." You leaned closer to him, lowering your head to be at his level. Your eyes were locked on his, admiring the dark shadow in the icy blue of his orbs. He held your gaze as the tension in the air intensified, curious to discover what your next words would be.

"I can help you with that," you added, using the same low, sultry tone you had used in the message. "Even better, I can show you just how hot I think you are... how desperate I am to feel your hands all over my body, using your powers to restrain me and do whatever you want with me." 

If your voice hadn't already given you away, repeating the words you had said to him in the message definitely had. His eyes grew wide, looking at you with a mixture of surprise and confusion. You had never seen Stephen so perplexed and you had to admit that it felt good to be the cause of that. You were used to it always being the other way around. You used to be the one who was speechless every time he gave you a smile, it was nice to have the power for once.

Stephen was not an easy man to silence, even in the strangest or most stressful situations, he always found something to say. But now he was speechless, looking at you in complete astonishment as he tried to process the situation. It wasn't just discovering that you were the mysterious person he was looking for that threw him off, but also the confidence you exuded. He had never seen you act that way before, though he would be lying if he said he didn't like it. He couldn't stop his mind from running wild, imagining every detail of the message that occupied his thoughts but now with you. Never would he have imagined that behind your innocent look and shy attitude was an imagination as dirty as his.

"I can give you what you want, all you have to do is ask." Your warm breath would collide against her earlobe when you spoke, giving her goose bumps. Your perfume assaulted his nostrils with every breath he took, intoxicating his entire system with your scent. He felt dizzy, his mind clouded with desire and anticipation having trouble concentrating. 

However, when you turned away from him, walking towards the door to finally get out of there, his brain snapped out of it. Raising his hand in the air, he conjured a kind of glowing lace made of pure energy that closed over your wrist, stopping you on your feet. With a gentle push he managed to turn you around to face him as he used his other hand to close the door to the room and pull down all the blinds with a simple flick of his wrist.

"Where do you think you're going? I'm not done with you yet. We're just getting started." Stephen said to you with an arched eyebrow. You noticed a hunger in his eyes you had never seen before, the cool blue of his orbs almost completely consumed by the black in his dilated pupils. It ignited a flame inside you, a warmth spreading through your stomach as you carefully analyzed Stephen's body language, trying to predict his next move. All your arrogance and confidence disappeared under his intense gaze. You were like a deer caught in the headlights, frozen in place waiting for his next reaction.

All he had to do was pull the glowing leash and you were forced to move closer to him once again. You would have lost your balance had it not been for his grip on your waist, successfully trapping you between his body and the edge of the table. You had nowhere to run, though you really didn't want to.  

"Who would have thought that behind that cute and innocent act there was such a dirty whore, desperate to be seen?" Stephen's voice was condescending, mocking, as his cold blue eyes pierced into yours. It made you feel small and insignificant in the face of his imposing figure, your cheeks heating with the blood that was quickly pooling there from the embarrassment of being so exposed. He finally knew the truth, you were a dirty whore desperate for his touch. 

"I never would have guessed you were the voice on the message saying those dirty things." He was barely touching you —his fingers trailing up your arms to your shoulders, following the line of your collarbones before descending through the space between your breasts—, but that was enough to quicken your breathing. And every time you inhaled, you breathed in his intoxicating scent, a mixture of his cologne and the aroma of his own essence that made your knees weak.

"I was hoping it was you. The first time I heard those words I closed my eyes and imagined you acting out those fantasies. I got so hard just imagining it." As if to emphasize his words, Stephen pressed his hips against you, letting you feel the bulge beginning to grow in his pants. You couldn't contain the moan that escaped your lips, a pathetic whimper that put a smile on Stephen's lips. 

He was enjoying the growing anticipation, having fun with your suffering. He was torturing you as retribution for your mysterious little message that had had him going crazy all this time, forcing you to experience the same desperation he did, using only his voice to arouse you. You hated it and loved it at the same time.

"You have no idea how much I wanted it to be you...but then I thought it could never be, you're a good girl and good girls don't use that vulgar language." You looked down, unable to hold eye contact with him any longer as you felt the embarrassment taking hold of you. But Stephen didn't let you off that easily, taking your chin in his hand to force you to look at him. "Tell me, were you really so desperate for my attention to leave that message? Were you so desperate for me that you pushed aside your good girl attitude and manners to expose the whore you hide inside you?" 

His voice was a husky whisper against your ear, his lips almost brushing against sensitive skin seductively. The ghost of his touch was driving you crazy and his dirty words traveled straight to your core, that throbbed desperate for attention. You could feel his presence, the warmth of his body against yours, his imposing gaze, the subtle caresses of his fingers on your skin, but it wasn't enough. You needed more to satiate your need for him, much more.

"Yes," you managed to mumble. Your voice sounded much more pathetic and desperate than you expected, but that didn't really matter. On the contrary, Stephen seemed to enjoy it. "I'm tired of hiding it, I need you Stephen... I need to feel your touch." You were practically begging him, asking him to have mercy on you and give you something to calm the flames burning inside you. But he just laughed. His warm breath hit the sensitive skin of your neck, giving you goosebumps. Your hands ran up his chest, determined to get for yourself what you needed as he refused to give it to you. If he wanted to torture you, it was only fair that you retaliated. Two could play that game.

But before you could go much further, Stephen pulled your hands away from his body, binding them behind your back with the same magical bond he had used to draw you to him. It was tight around your wrists, but not too tight, just enough to make sure you couldn't move easily. He wanted control.

"Oh, I'm going to give you what you so desperately want, don't worry about it, darling." He murmured against your lips, brushing them with every word he spoke. "But first I have to teach you a lesson... you see, you have to be more careful about what you wish for, because it can become real."

[saradika]

some thoughts and thanks and a wrapping up the year 💕

First off, I’ve kept a running tag of the fics I read this year, so I have been working on a couple rec posts to share tomorrow! 💖 so many of your fics have kept me happy and cozy and feeling loved this year, and I would love to help share them!

Next month I have an entry into PMAMC (so excited!) but I think after that I’m going to take a writing break (which I always say but never do! 😬). This year I wrote a little over 200k, and was really excited about tackling some series and AUs - something I never thought I would be able to do when I first started a couple years ago. Being able to explore some new ideas and really work on writing for myself this year has been really gratifying. And I’d like to spend some time catching up on the fics I haven’t gotten a chance to read!

And I really want to say thank you. To everyone who read my fics, left a kind ask, shared one of my graphics. Writing has become so important to me and I am still in awe that people might want to read my thoughts, and feeling lucky I get to say hello to so many writers I truly admire and look up to.

There’s so many of you that I am just so happy to know - beloved mutuals, the amazing tnbf crew, star wars pals, the harvmind, and new friends from tlou 💕 I won’t tag anyone (because I live in fear of accidentally forgetting someone!!), but if we’ve chatted or followed or sent asks or shared the same space I absolutely and truly mean you. Thank you for making 2023 such a nice year and keeping me company and sane through a number of considerable ups and downs. 💖

Hope you had a great 2023, and looking forward to kicking off 2024 with you! 🎉

Lots of love,

- j💕

[zairaalbereo]

I did SO MUCH ART THIS YEAR!! 🫣

Over eighty pieces. A whole ass comic!

I’m not gonna lie, this was a shitty year for me personally. And art really was the anchor that kept me sane. Drawing has been my therapy, helped me relax and feel joy even when things seemed dark and scary and hopeless.

But as much as I just love to draw, I love to share and hopefully spark a little joy in people out there. And doing that and seeing your lovely feedback really made my year brighter. The amazing comments for Room for Love on ao3, the tags and reblogs and likes and the nice messages in my inbox. It means so much to know that people enjoy my art (and sometimes also my writing).

So thank you to everyone who’s been part of the joy this year! 💗 Let’s hope next year will be easier, in any case there will be art! 😘

[unreliablesnake]

My new swag (Joel Miller x reader)

Summary: Joel's ex makes you snap, and it's revealed that you come from a rich family.

Note: This brainrot comes from me reading this amazing chapter of Summer Submission by @elvinaa. I just wanted the reader snap and reveal that she comes from a ridiculously rich family (like Nick in Crazy Rich Asians), making Allison and Sarah shut up at once. Thank you so much for giving me permission to write this!! / The title comes from this song because I've been listening to this on repeat while writing. /Not proofread or edited. I'll die on that hill one day.

Warnings: age gap, no outbreak, rich Joel.

It would have been a blatant lie if you said you weren't nervous. Joel was there by your side, promising a wonderful evening for the two of you, but you knew his ex-wife and daughter would also be there, which foreshadowed the upcoming drama. Why would they start and behave now of all times?

And just as expected, drama slowly unfolded. First Allison and Sarah made their snarky little comments, trying to anger you and Joel simultaneously. Then Charles started talking shit, giving you a glimpse into the series of lies those evil witches were spreading about you.

Then there were the looks of familiarity from people who had already known you and your family. But you knew they would keep their mouths shut about this. No one needed to know the truth, especially not Sarah or Allison. Oh, they would be a hundred times worse if they knew. A part of you wanted them to find out, the thought of the look on their faces being quite entertaining, but this wasn’t the right time or place for that.

Being in the company of Stella and Neal felt like a breath of fresh air. They were always so nice to you, making you feel safe and sane in the shitstorm you got yourself into by choosing Joel. You didn’t even know where you would be if they hadn’t taken you under their wings.

Sometimes you wondered if it was a good idea–staying with Joel, that is. Maybe you should just go home and leave this madness behind. Not because Sarah and Allison wanted you to leave, not because you were afraid of what they would do, but because that was the only way you could keep your remaining sanity and dignity.

“You okay?” Neal asked you on the dancefloor, knocking you out of your darkening thoughts.

Letting out a sigh, you thought about what to say. He could see right through you, there was no reason to lie. “Why am I here?” you asked him, being sure he would know what you meant by this short question.

Neal groaned, a sound that was accompanied by a disapproving look as he guided you. “Just breathe in, then breathe out. Calm down. They can’t hurt you with their stupid lies. I mean, they could, but I’m sure you can protect yourself. You don’t need anyone’s help, not even Joel’s.”

Maybe he was right; you shouldn’t let those vicious women get to you. So you put on a smile and gave Neal the sweetest look you could possibly manage. He couldn’t help but laugh as he complimented your sudden good mood, making you laugh as well. It felt nice. It felt warm. You were beginning to feel like yourself again.

“When was the last time you were at an event like this?” he suddenly asked when a slower song was playing and he held you closer than before.

You had to think about this for a moment. “A few years ago. I can’t even remember what the gala was for, but I sure as hell remember my adorable peach-colored dress and the way guys kept staring at me,” you replied dreamily, earning a smug smile from the man in front of you. “Oh, please, I went there with my dad. He chased away everyone.”

The two of you laughed at the thought, then he tilted his head to the side as he watched you. You cocked an eyebrow, having no idea what was going through his handsome head. Whatever it was, it drew a mischievous smile on his face.

“I remember what you wore at that Christmas party last year,” he suddenly said with a wide grin.

Of course, he was there. You attended the grandiose Christmas event your father’s company hosted for prominent people, feeling free and good because you onew no photos of you would get out from the event. Your father always made sure of that, no magazine was brave enough to take a risk. This way you knew Sarah wouldn’t find out, and so you had one less thing to worry about.

Your father introduced you to Neal himself, for some reason finding this young man worthy of meeting you. The two of you had fun, but at the end of the event you didn’t give him your number, and told him he shouldn’t risk stalking you on social media. He took the hint and let you be.

Before you could say anything, you noticed Joel on the side of the dancefloor, his eyes fixed on you. You watched him approach with a smile, honestly happy to see him. “Joel, did your conversation go well?” you asked sweetly.

Your innocent question kicked off a conversation between Joel and Neal that made you tense up. You didn’t like where this was going, and in all honesty, you found it ridiculous. Joel was jealous, it was clear as day, while Neal was having the time of his life messing with him.

When you made it to your table before the auction, Allison sprung into action, aiming at provoking you two until you broke. But you were done with their bullshit, and Joel didn’t seem to care much either. He put a hand on your thigh when Charles asked if you enjoyed the event, and his fingers tightened around your flesh when Allison made a few more unwanted comments.

You glanced over at Neal for a moment, thinking about how dancing with him was so far the best part of the night. Maybe it was the fact there was no drama with him around. Maybe it was the fact he knew the real you. Maybe both.

“Do you like it?” Joel asked with a gentle nudge.

Since you were zoning out, you had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. “Like what?”

“That painting,” he whispered, flashing a charming smile at you.

It was beautiful, you didn’t even deny it. But then he raised the white card that until now lay on the table and said, “Twenty thousand.”

You shot him a shocked look, demanding to know why he suddenly decided to bid for it, and when he said he wanted to buy it for you, you had a mental breakdown. He was going too far with this. You knew you had to stop him. But as you tried to come up with the plan to convince him to give up, you heard Neal’s voice from the other side of the table.

And that’s when these two–Joel and Neal–began their own stupid little bidding war. You tried to convince Joel once again, but he didn’t stop so you picked up a white card from the table and said, “Two hundred and fifty thousand!”

This shut them up. In fact, it shut everyone up.

You noticed the knowing smile that crept on Neal’s lips, but your attention was averted by Allison, who scoffed and said, “It’s easy to be generous with Joel’s money.”

It was rich coming from her, but you managed not to laugh at her statement. Sarah began to complain about you spending her father’s money, Allison joined the choir soon after, but you were more focused on Joel who was watching you with a serious expression on his face.

“What was that?” he asked.

“I snapped and bought the painting myself to stop you two morons,” you said, pointing at Joel first, then moving your fingers to point at Neal.

He laughed, seemingly having a little too much fun, but Joel was dead serious as his eyes burned a hole in you. “This is for charity,” he repeated his previous words. “And I’m still paying for it at the end of the day, so I should thank you for making a generous offer in my name.”

“Charity, my ass. It was all about winning. At least I had a good reason to buy this painting with my own money and support this cause due to my family history,” you said, having to bite on your lower lip before your tears would begin to fall because of the memories.

Joel’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t try to ask you about the my own money part of your speech despite having a frown on his face when you said it. Good. You wanted to forget this and enjoy the rest of the evening in peace.

But Allison had a different idea. She took a sip of her drink, then she said, “And how are you planning to pay for it? You said you were buying it with your own money after all.”

“Yeah, you don’t have that much money. Hell, you couldn’t even pay for your own dress,” Sarah said with a mean smile.

Oh, you poor thing, if you only knew. If Joel hadn’t shown up in the shop, you would have paid for everything yourself. But as she and her mother kept giving you those vicious looks, acting like rabid dogs ready to attack, you felt something snap in you.

“You know what? I’m not gonna stay here and listen to the two of you. You’re terrible, pathetic people, and you,” you said, pointing at Allison, “don’t even have money. Assuming I just spent Joel’s money was truly rich coming from you, the very woman who has been blackmailing him for more of his money that you don’t even deserve.”

Stella’s lips curled into a proud smile, while Neal silently clapped to cheer you on. You glanced down at Joel for a moment who had a very, very confused look on his face.

“I’ll go pay for the painting then I’m heading home,” you stated, talking mostly to Joel. “Have a good night, everyone.”

“What the hell?” you heard Sarah’s voice from behind you.

It was soon followed by Neal who said, “You know, her family has more money and power than you can even think of.”

He shouldn’t have said that, but it was water under the bridge now, you weren’t planning on going back and telling everyone to keep quiet about this little detail. So you walked outside, heading straight to one of the organizers to check where you could pay for the damn painting that you bought. You asked them to put a note on it, one that was intended for Stella who deserved this beauty for helping you so much throughout the past few weeks.

As you walked towards the front door, you heard a familiar voice behind your back. “Hey! Would you stop?”

“Why?” you asked before telling him how terrible you felt the whole night.

It had been a nightmare so far, and you told him that you weren’t expecting things to get any better. Then one thing followed another and he ended up saying something that deeply hurt you.

“I’m not the one making a scene. I don’t start fights, I finish them,” you informed him angrily, doing your best to keep your voice down. “Talk to your ex and daughter, get them to behave. Oh, and tell Allison that if she does or says anything that hurts my reputation back home, she better do it knowing my family has an army of bloodthirsty lawyers who would be more than happy to tear her apart in court for defamation.”

Joel opened his mouth, seemingly about to say something to this, but then he remained silent. Out of morbid curiosity you stayed there, waiting to hear what he had to say. After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke up and said, “Is it true? What Neal said about your family.” You nodded as you folded your hands behind your back. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Because we’re not like you, we don’t want the world to know we’re rich, you were dying to say. It was true, your family was ridiculously private, and you went against everything you had been taught all your life tonight by letting them find out the truth like they did.

“That’s my family’s money,” you said in the end. “I bought the painting with the money I inherited from my grandfather. I don’t want my family’s money, not yet. I want to live a perfectly normal life while I’m studying. I’m already getting a lot of shit for not studying in England, I don’t need them to have more to say about my life.”

You could see the wheels turning in his head, but you weren’t about to wait and find out what he had to say.

“I’ll go home now,” you said before turning around and going outside to get a taxi.

This was for the best. You both needed time to calm down, and you could only hope he would come after you soon. If he didn’t… Well, at least you would know what kind of man he was. He only wanted you when he couldn’t have you. Now here you were, ready to be with him, but he didn’t seem as invested in this relationship as you were.

[angelicyoongie]

My beautiful and most favourite author I hope your well and taking care of yourself! Loved your abundance chapter as always!

However you gave me to do one thing however I'm going to do this with the most restraint I have without wanting to beat lovesick characters asses.

Namjoon, you absolute ass, capichè you are all MC's soul mate, well done for knowing what we all already know, however if your area that much for her wellbeing like you stated you do you would have cared for how badly her wellbeing is all while being with all of you, smartass. (..still a simp tho shh)

Jin, low-key love the mama bear mode however you still participate in trying to coax mc to bellive kidnapping someone is okay if it's done because it's for "love", it's not, at the moment it's for your own selfish game because you and the others love her, she does not. (Also still a simp)

Yoongi, honestly your the most kind and patient and one of the least involved in this and you try and keep the youngers respectful, therefore I request permission and consent to simp cos I can and if anyone deserves mc's trust I hope it's you first <3

Hoseok you ignorant little sh- human being. Having the most involvement , drugging her, so then everyone could take her while she was already vulnerable was a sickening move, i don't think those chocolates of yours will give you any hope for her to love you anymore, idc how hot you are, thats not cool. (Also still a simp)

Jimin.. you mother fu- "sane" , "friendly" police officer.. you know you would be my favourite one right? To punch. Your tactics are smart, but sickening and for you to think mc kept your "notes" because she liked them?.. newsflash, she took the to the station to report them as evidence, that's how harassment reports that make people uncomfortable work, after all, with a mouth like that I would hate to think how much you run it. (...yes he's still hot asf-)

Taehyung, why do I want to simp but slap this man at the same time? He's so fine~ until I want to beat his ass for the little plots he planned so easily yet so we'll planned out, it's easy to tell how manipulation is used easily, and how your going to use it for MC to break further down the line, with the kindest way possible I hope mc beats your ass and takes your dog away with her.

Jungkook, my god what went wrong with you? "Hyung this- Hyung that" hush man, hush. With all due respect you had MC the closest to you, she trusted you and I bellieve if you waited it out , with your cute shy shit , and cute/hot looks you would have had her, but noooo you had to let your precious hyungs kidnap her, drug her, and traumatise the woman all while ruining your chances and your hyungs chances of gaining her love and mostly trust. Your lucky your cute.

Anyways, cough, if you need someone to insult the characters but drool over them freely at the same time I volunteer! (Although I think we all do-)

AHHH omg thank you so much, I'm doing well! 🥺💖

"Y/n is doing fine," Namjoon says flatly, "she just needs some time to adjust."

Seokjin shakes his head, "I'm not being selfish, I'm just trying to look out for her. Who knows what could've happened if we let her be! At least this way we'll be able to protect her. Even if she doesn't love us right now, it'll come with time. I'm sure."

Yoongi blushes, his cheeks dusted pink as he ducks his head, "Thank you, I'm only trying to do what's best for Y/n."

"Ouch, that's not very nice," Hoseok frowns. He stares off into the air, eyes glossed over as he murmurs, "Y/n will see that I did the right thing eventually."

"You think I'm smart? That's sweet," Jimin leers, eyes dark as he cocks his head. "I know Y/n brought them to the station to get my attention, you don't have to make up lies. I don't like liars."

"Thank you! I watched a lot of movies and TV shows to prepare!" Taehyung grins. His smile turns a little sinister as he coldly adds, "Are you threatening Tannie? You really shouldn't do that."

"I need the hyungs," Jungkook cowers, eyes in his lap as he nervously picks at his nails. "But did she really like me that much?" He murmurs, lips twisted into a sad frown.

(Haha, thank you, I'll keep that in mind! 😉)

[mari-m-rose]

Life update (?)

Hi! It's been a while since I did one of these. I still remember about how writing these would make me feel better, whether they were read by someone or not. Still, thank you in advance to whomever reads this, I appreciate your care/curiosity towards me. Wishing you happiness and success from the bottom of my heart. So, what has been going on with me.

So many things it's overwhelming. Everyday is. Especially when I remember all that has happened in the past few years. Probably because it's been hard to process? Both the good and the bad, all it's hard to process. Not like I process stuff easily, the opposite in fact. Tbh I don't even remember much of what I did during 2019... was I still active here during 2018? Bearly right? I think I got a new job in 2019 which was a cool job, or so I used to think... I remember the beginning of 2020 because I was so fucking happy in January-February during 2020. I was enjoying myself at work, I had a stable relationship with my partner as usual, I was engaged and about to get my own apartment. I was excited about my life which is something that never happens to me xD. And well, before covxd happened I actually got hit by a car... It was at low speed but it still wasn't nice. Listen, never do what I did. If you get hit by a car and you realize you can walk, do not go straight to work by scooter. Actually report the person who did it, call in sick, go to the hospital. Try not to shut down and just go to work normally. Short story: by lunch I couldn't stand up from my seat. I actually almost cried when I had to at the end of the day to go home because it hurt like a bxtch. I sort of healed? Actually it has been 3 years and I still feel something in my leg ahaha. Never be like me, love yourself. Covxd exploded not much after I "healed" and it ruined all my plans. No wedding, no apartment, I actually had to quit my job cause my bosses got so toxic I got depressed like never before. I was now trapped more than ever at my parents' house and the hope of leaving it soon was almost non-existant. I know it was hard for everyone and I hope that you all ended up surviving it just fine. Thankfully on my end everyone survived even tho my dad was always at risk cause he was forced to go to work despite it all. Since I didn't go through any tragic event, I am fortunate enough to appreciate that at least I spent a lot of time with my parents and cat, very important since I wanted to leave the house the next year. I got married in 2021 even tho covxd was still around, risking it all. Naturally it was a small event because of it. I actually just wanted to move out. My parents are very old-fashioned and they were not gonna be happy, so to say, if I left before marriage. Thankfully my husband did want to marry me so it worked out, but was it stressing... I just suck at events like that but yeah I finally got married and moved out. And the most amazing time of my whole life began. It was honestly magical. I was so happy I felt like I was living an actual dream. The moments in my life at that time felt eternal in a good way, there was warmth and love, pure happiness. I didn't know life could be like that. My relationship with my family fixed really quick after I moved out. Now we get along fine and I'm very thankful I get to experience this before I imminently lose my parents to time. I'm a very fortunate person. But this happiness soon ended cause I'm...dummy? I'm mentally ill and I'm not used to being happy. So I started to get massive anxiety about some upcoming event ruining all my life. I still dread this, even tho it doesn't arrive yet. Something bad actually happened tho... I lost my cat in 2022. I...probably will never not miss her, she was the one who kept me sane at home for 16 years. My most beloved baby...I just hope she's around somewhere. Uhm let's try not to cry while I write this... Btw did I mention I'm still unemployed and very ashamed of it? I do housewifey things, I do help with family business and have commissions from time to time but most of the time I'm not that active. That also is eating me alive. My husband is very chill about it but I'm not happy with myself, tho I can feel like little by little I want to change this, ...I wish I wasn't that stressed about the idea of still working in graphic design. What happened in my past job was a bit like my last bit of energy for it...

I really want to like open a patreon or a youtube channel idk, I always say this but its hard to start.. Aside this anxiety I'm also currently without passion...without fandom, without OTP, without a spark that motivates me to draw. It has been annoying cause this is happening since like 3 years ago. I hate this fr. Being without an art community has been hard but you know what? Being in one was also hard. I had major fall offs with a lot of my friends. We either fought a lot and took our distances or were involved in disgusting drama, others really mistreated me till the point I ended up feeling I didn't want to make new friends ever again. I isolated myself, this ofc didn't help my "art block" or mental health. Now at 32 yo, how am I supposed to like engage in a fandom or art community? I geniuinly don't know how. Also it's full of kiddies. No offense towards you babies but, I'm a grown ass lady. I feel so much like I don't belong...BUT I still want to belong. Not with the teens ofc but.... is there any discord server for old ladies like me? If there's a quiet place for "art grandmas" xD, hit me up. I am opened up to hang out but also ngl, I'm so awkward. New discord server I join is like another one I will never speak in. Idk what to do tbh. I just want to be excited about a fandom or art again. Anyways thanks for reading this text about me. I hope you are doing fine. I also hope you enjoy my art, even tho I hardly update, I'm trying to do my best. I'm most active on instagram (mari_m_rose) and X (aka former twitter, same as ig). I still love sinja and remain somewhat knowledgable about Magi. So if u wanna send asks about anything related to those or myself, I will be happy to answer! Hugs and kissus.

[otrtbs]

Alright. Just woke up after harry's final show. That was a lot. It started a bit rocky because there were so many people that we managed to get in at the 7th song (she) and there were still so many people coming in after it was insane.

Aside from the queue from hell, it was so fucking epic. Didn't manage to get merch unfortunately but it's fine i'm more than happy with just having been there!

Got home at 6 am today and had to sleep in the parking lot last night (thankfully we went with the car) because the line to get out lasted 4 hours like there were so many people the roads were packed packed and we all (me, sister and cousin) had been up since 6am the day before because we had to work before the show like it was crazy we were so tired but so happy!!

Now. For the important things.

WHAT THE FUUUUCCCKKKKK LITERALLY GOT IN AND STARTED CRYING IMMEDIATELY i mean i was crying in line already when se telefonando (mina's song) started playing because shut up that was so special AND THEN LIKE BEST SONG EVER AND TWO GHOSTS INTRO INTO FALLING LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE THE SPEECH THE FIT THE NEW INSTRUMENTAL SONG that was such a moment everyone was so quiet idk now there's just a bit of a constant scream in my brain it was beautiful

Also the way he kept saying tante belle cose (which means like many beautiful things amd in italian is used as a goodbye kinda when you see someone you wish them tante belle cose lol or maybe he just wanted to sane many nice things) LMAO like he is basically fluent in italian it was so funny

Alright that's it i'll just keep watching videos from last night and cry a bit more

hello hello hello !!!! hello !!!

the queue sounds so wild omg im glad you made it in!! also yeah who needs merch when you have THE FINAL SHOW MEMORIES !!! YOU LITERALLY GOT BEST SONG EVER AND THEN YOU GOT THE SONG THE INSTRUMENTAL SONG MY SOUL WOULD'VE TRANSCENDED !!

i am also just watching final show videos,,, look at us <33 thank you for stopping by to share your story of the evening it sounds like so much and such a special experience !!! <33 and you were such a trooper haha <333

[houkagokappa]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

Thank you for the ask, altho I guess it was on me haha

I get to play dnd again! A few weeks ago two of my colleagues mentioned that they have an ongoing campaign, and once they heard that I'm into dnd as well, there was an instant mutual "you could play with us/I'd love to play with you" exchange between us :D It's been great to get back to a beloved hobby - dnd is what kept me sane throughout the pandemic, and I'm thrilled I get to hang out with these people outside of work, because I really like them and I want us to become (better?) friends. Being included/excluded is a very touchy subject for me, and now both have shown a clear interest in spending time with me outside of work and I couldn't be happier!

I'm happy I'm in a position that allows me a lot of flexibility. It's been a little stressful this week, because I might be getting sick and I've mostly been laying in bed instead of doing something more productive and fun (like I had planned), but it's also nice that I have the possibility to do so. I can come up with my own schedule and it's great to get to do things at my own pace.

I've been connecting with a lot of people! Besides the two work friends I now play dnd with, I'm building up my relationships with the people in the same uni program as me. They're cool people and it's easy to spend time with them, as long as I have a reason to meet up with them (I've been studying, but not on campus so I've barely seen them since we all started). I'm also very slowly building up friendships with people who share the same hobbies as me, and I'm trying to maintain the few longtime friendships I have. I have a lot of plans to see different people during the upcoming weeks and I'm so happy to be building up my social network again, because it disappeared almost completely a few years ago. Besides the friends and people I hang out with irl, I'm also really happy to connect with people online, and I feel like I've made some progress keeping up with everyone!

I'm doing that one text post trick and treating myself like an animal in need of enrichment, and I'm providing myself with that by trying out new things. Mostly I buy and try out new foods, but I'm also planning on visiting a few places and then I'm forcing myself to go on walks every single day to keep my mental health strong. It's kinda working? And trying out new things is a lot of fun, even if some things end up tasting weird.

I love rambling on forever and ever when it's a topic I care about or I feel comfortable talking to someone. I used to feel self-conscious about it, like I'm weird and bothersome, but I've since found several people who act the same way with me and encourage me to keep going, and it feels so good to be accepted as I am? And to find people who enjoy talking to me for it?? Although sometimes our messages get so long it takes me a while to reply or get back to them haha

[fuckthisshitimin]

Something nice that happened to me!

So on Friday we did a presentation with my class, the scenes we've been working on for the last months. The school printed some posters - and well, I changed my name with the front desk and my teachers but never did so with the administration because it's only ever used in private emails that I'll be the only one to see so I don't really care.

But the posters, they were printed by the administration, so my deadname was there, plastered on the front door and I flipped when I saw it. No one else had read it or noticed, because honestly we had other shit to do, so lucky me, and I just. I tried to calm down and I saw that wasn't gonna work nicely. And I thought fuck it. Fuck it, I'm scared and shocked and there's nobody here who isn't on my side so I'll process this as I can, and I asked for help with making a sticker with my name to put over the deadname, and I got all the help I needed and I told them 'hey I'm feeling like shit so my top priority right now is calming down', not even in so many words, and they made arrangements and helped me so I could get a ten minutes break to go for a smoke before I needed to be on stage for dress rehearsal. Passing by the front desk, first I tried to say something and realized I was just gonna scream so I gave up. I calmed down a bit. Walking by the front desk again I explained tersely, and the guy was sorry for me and offered to take care of it for me right now and I said I didn't have the time and would do it later myself, he already had a phone in hand, but I insisted I'd do it, so he apologized on the admin's behalf saying it sucked and I went back to work. Two minutes later I was on stage screaming and it was nice. And when I came out of stage a friend took me by the hand and showed me the poster. Reprinted with the correct name. And everyone was with me, ready to be helpful or supportive or angry on my behalf, whatever was needed, and like.

I'm quite a sensitive person. I'm the bitch that gets anxious, panic attacks over the place, tearing up and all that, and I used to hate being the one that has to be taken care of. But I take care of people, too, and now that I am better in general, it's good to have an awful moment and realize 'yeah this bad emotion is strong and it's not gonna disappear if i just hide it and other people will see it anyway and they care so i can just let the emotion rage and pass and trust them to react sanely'.

And the other day, the girl that had the poster reprinted, she's really more used to taking care of people than she is used to be taken care of. It breaks my heart at times, and I do my best (as a lot of us do) to offer support whenever we can. Well some awful shit happened to her and she flipped. I had never seen her cry at all, let alone like that. Upset and hurt and we were with her through it, and she kept saying we could go do better stuff. And apologizing for taking our time, or for letting her venom out to process her anger. And when later that day we talked again she thanked me for being there and said she felt stupid - she said she was going to text our friend and apologize for taking so much of his time when he comforted her. I said we all chose to be with her because that's what friends do, and we'd rather she's not alone to deal with that. I said that texting our friend was a good idea but that if she felt she was glad we were here, saying thanks would be much better than apologizing. We're happy to know we can make things less shit. And she looked surprised and relaxed by this, she heard it, and I was so glad.

Like how happy she was showing me that new poster. How patient friends are to let me swear and throw hands and fail rolling my fucking cigarette and just tag along with things.

You know, it's something I've lived by for a long time. I know I used to apologize all the time, for everything, and we know it's a bad habit, we know it puts us down, makes us feel like we're inconveniences and not people. But it's hard to lose it - and when we are bothersome, what else can we say really? When we feel we drag our friends down with us? And saying Thank you is really worth it. If you're about to say Sorry to a friend, by reflex, wonder if you could say thanks instead.

And it works even if you do feel sorry. Another thing: I'm sorry is about you, thank you is about them. If you have done nothing wrong to them, them knowing you feel sorry about it will not make them feel any better. On the other hand, if their bearing whatever they tried to shoulder with you made you feel even a tiny bit better, them knowing it will make them feel good.

So yeah. I'm just rambling, but it made me feel better, all this. All the bad emotions and the good ones that grow from them, surprisingly. It's long, unlearning to feel bad about feeling bad, but it is so rewarding. It's all worth it.

[potionpeddlerpatchy]

hello my darlin patch, i would love to keep some company (and hopefully YOU can help convince me to stay sane today). i’ve never delved into self-ship territory before so if this is hecka awkward… I am too 😁

today’s self ship has gotta be me and Kei. We met when I was walking my pups for their “be crazy now so mama can sleep through the night” walk, and he was playing volleyball with his brother and Yams. It’d been storming the last few days so I couldn’t bring the devil children on their usual walks. My dogs are evil (affectionate). B was tugging like a possessed creature trying to chase the squirrels/geese (who, obviously, were making fun of her for being on a leash and that Won’t Stand), and C was hopping over her, tangling their leashes and begging to be let loose so he could run.

I’m a weak-willed woman. My gaze slide from the path to the handsome volleyball players at JUST the wrong time, and one hop too many sent all three of us in a tumbling mess. The leashes were ripped out of my hand, and B & C decided to become track stars. Every time I got close, they’d run away, thinking this was some kind of game… until Tsukki’s friends stopped playing and started helping me corner them. The little traitors ignored everyone calling for them, trying to pet them, promising them cookies, etc. and ran RIGHT to the only person who wasn’t doing anything. C jumped on him and got him all muddy, and B like threw herself at his legs (she’s too Chonky to jump like C). Kei stepped on their leashes and tried getting C to sit down (he wouldn’t), and I was so embarrassed at their poor behavior (and quite frankly how handsome and intimidating he was), I could barely speak. I kept apologizing, he said something dry about how I needed to train them better, and his brother smacked the back of his head and told him to be nice, couldn’t he see how scared I was?

It’s really not a meet-cute RIP but to try and make it better, I offered to get them all coffee or a post-game snack or something to thank them for their help. Akiteru and Yams immediately accepted, and they made Kei come along because he really was the one who got them… even though he was super reluctant to. C absolutely loved Kei right away. He wouldn’t leave his side, even when we got street food. He listened to every command Kei gave, to the point that only Tsukki could hold his leash. I spent most of the time talking with Akiteru and Yamaguchi and it was awesome, they were so sweet and good with the dogs. Tsukki didn’t really speak, but he did order a lot of snacks… and when he thought no one would notice, he slipped C a few bites of his snack. He even pat his head and smiled when C’s tongue fell out, which Akiteru teased him for. Kei was pretty quiet at first, but as time went on, he got a little more talkative in that dry, quasi-charming way he teases everyone, and even though his brother and Yams were more comfortable to talk with, I couldn’t stop thinking about how handsome Kei is when he smiles.

They offered to help me bring the dogs back to my place, which I readily accepted (B had tired herself out, to the point that she needed to be picked up to get back on her feet, the lazy slug, and C refused to leave Kei’s side). We got them upstairs, got the apartment covered in mud, and as they were leaving, Akiteru gave me his number, in case I wanted help with the babies again. Kei was quiet, and since he’d been frowning most of the time I thought he genuinely hated me, but he waited until his brother and Yams had gone into the hall, then crouched and started petting C very, very sweetly. He then said that he’s usually at the park every Saturday, and it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to see the dogs again. Then he got up and left and I couldn’t stop over analyzing the entire thing and wondering if that was an invitation to see them again or a warning to leave them alone.

I found out later that the reason Kei wasn’t helping get them (and why he was so annoyed with C jumping, besides the mud) was because Kei was scared of dogs. Akiteru said he’d been scared of them since he was little, and this was the most comfortable/longest Kei had been around a dog in his entire life. Also the number Akiteru left wasn’t his, it was Kei’s. Akiteru thought I’d be a good influence on his baby brother, and he knew Kei wouldn’t be aware/brave enough to ask for my number himself but he did want to see my dogs (and me) again. And this begun our friendship, and Kei’s newfound love of dogs! It took a while to become romantic, but that’s another novel story :)

First of all, don't apologize for this GEM of a story! I love when I get paragraphs in my ask box!

Secondly, I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! Like, the crazy dogs, the failed meet-cute that still ended up being a meet-cute, and just the fumbling and awkward start to things is my JAM when it comes to self-ship stuff - like it truly is!

I have one with Sero that we met at his Hero Agency cause I work in the HR department, and he falls under my designation (goes by last names, I have M-Z), and when he meets me to ask a few questions I'm a stumbling stuttering mess for the first bit - which obviously he finds cute and starts laying on the charm thick and I die inside as I try to gain some semblance of the professional I know I am.

So yeah, love this and love when self-ships meet for the first time and it's awkward 💛💛

gush about your selfship, please save me from work

[fragilecapric0rnn]

Erica & Mr. Clark for the ST asks!

Thanks for asking!! <3

Erica 🦄: Do you have an interest you would call a “guilty pleasure”?

Not really? I guess the closest thing to it would be writing fic lol but I don't really feel guilty about doing it? Just more so that I don't talk about it with anyone other than my gf and a few friends who I've known since I was in middle school lol.

Mr. Clark 📀: What were you like in high school? How have you changed?

OK we're starting off strong with this one!

I was a really damaged kid in high school. My home life was atrocious and I was always looking for ways to cope. Some of that coping was positive (i.e. Sports! I did a lot of sports in high school bc practices/study halls = not being at home) and some was not so positive (drugs/alc/partying). Not to get all DCOM on y'all, but I was always trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. My mom was very toxic and controlling and it always felt like I was trying to compete for her approval. So that sucked. I was also the type of person who was friends with everyone, but my core friends were the emo kids I befriended in middle school and we're all still friends till this day. They always kept me grounded, always tried to support me the best they could and have always been my North Star, the light guiding me home <3. I also was in fandom through all of that and that was another thing that kept me grounded and sane, being on here, having blorbos and friends in my phone that had no idea how much they were helping me cope.

I've changed A LOT. First off, I'm much better at coping. I've stopped trying to be what I'm told I should be and am now living a life that is 100% for me, for the first time ever. It's pretty great, 10/10 would recommend. But I'm also similar in that I have my same friends who are my rocks and a nice little community and support system on here of nice people and friends <3

📼Stranger Things Inbox Game 📼

[intosnarkness]

Kitty got her letters this morning but if anyone else is interested

OFF-SHIP COMMUNICATION: LAFREEM4@ENTERPRISE.FED.GOV

Dear Kitty,

I miss you. How's the husband, and the sproglet? Everyone staying safe and sane? (Please stay sane, someone has to stay sane, and no one on this ship is gonna be the one.)

We're en route somewhere that I can't know about, to do something that I probably won't be told about. Today I replaced three projector bulbs and updated the BIOS in half on Engineering until the crazy Scotsman that runs that pit chased me out, screaming about my deleting his files. I don't know how many times I tell these people to back their shit up, but they don't listen, they never listen. SURELY catastrophic failure could never happen to them. (I mean come on, we have a server and a cloud and personal PADDs, who in the flying FUCK saves data in one place?)

Told Lt. Gaila about it when I got back to the cave, and she patted me on the head. I'm still not 100% she knows my name. I mean, don't get me wrong, she's nice enough, but she hangs out with Scott and Uhura and Kirk (they play bridge, what the fuck) and I don’t presume she has enough time or space to notice me. I wish she would.

My god but I'm a sad sack today. Okay, something cheery:

You remember the doctor, McCoy? The one who hates me? (He doesn't hate me, he hates machines and resents that Starfleet pays me to fix the things that are MEAN to him or something.) Okay, so the doctor. God love him, the man can't remember his password to save his life, and needs me to remind him of it. (It's his daughter's name and a year of Great Significance and some punctuation, not so hard, but he gets himself all worked up about MACHINES!!!1!!!11 and he can't see straight for the blind panic of wires and transistors.) So today he came to me because we all had to register our living wills (oh, this was supposed to be cheery?) we all had to register our LOLLYPOPS and he forgot how to log in.

Forty-five minutes of massaging the poor man's ego and we get him in and set. He actually said thank you, which is a word I was pretty sure he doesn't know, and invited me to dinner with him in the Officer's Mess.

So in about ten minutes I'm going to watch the captain eat peach cobbler and be too afraid to eat in front of them because even if I know their secrets – where Chekov hides his MIGHTY STASH of space porn (seriously, MIGHTY STASH) and where Sulu keeps his vintage A*TEENS collection and the fact that the captain has sex on the floor of his office and routinely breaks his console doing it - they're still like, famous, and I'm still the nobody who turns it off and then back on again.

If I trip and spill my soup on Spock and he beats me senseless with Kirk's left arm, I'm going to blame you, for telling me to take risks. But in the meantime, well.

Always yours,

Laurie

OFF-SHIP COMMUNICATION: LAFREEM4@ENTERPRISE.FED.GOV

Dear Kitty,

It does help that the Husband is sane, but I’m not sure even he can counteract the Captain.

A joke the captain told at dinner: You ever hear about the CMO who died and went to heaven? They made him wait in line for dinner with everyone else. While he’s standing in line, a man in a white coat walks in, cuts the line, gets food, and leaves without paying. The doc turns to an angel and says “Who was that?” The angel laughs. “That was God, he likes to pretend he’s a doctor.” (McCoy tried to kick him under the table for that but he missed and kicked me and it really hurt my life is so hard.)

No, I don’t think Ensign Chekov is into MILFs, but if you’d like I can slip a few pictures of you into the MIGHTY STASH next time I’m working on his console. (He doesn’t need much support, but we still do monthly checkups.)

I am so nobody, the captain called me “Laura” through the whole meal and I was too embarrassed to correct him. Also I kept calling him sir because he’s the captain and I’m shy or something around him (and all men who are prettier than me, it’s just not fair that the universe gave those eyelashes to a man, what’s he using them for anyway?) Oh, Kitty, it was an exercise in awkward. But I have conclusively decided that the food in the officer’s mess is much, much better than the swill we get from the replicators down in the Lowers.

Okay, I booked some gym time in ten minutes so I have to end this letter, but I miss you and I love you and we’re looking at a retrofit on Earth in about six months, so don’t let the little one get too big between now and then.

Laurie

There were intermittent IMs between, mostly Kirk/McCoy. I was clearly working some shit out about doing classroom support and hating professors.

5 and 6?!

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

Oh dear lord, so many. A taste from my deletes folder:

Clint Barton is a creature of infinity that hollows out everything he loves (codename: Clinfinate)

Jane Foster & Betty Ross mentorship fic

Post-WWII war orphans story starring Peggy Carter and Gabe Jones (Peggy and Gabe Adopt a Passel of Tots)

Nonlinear exploration of Winona Kirk's life

Chekov/Sulu Student Athlete AU

A very cute STXI lower decks epistle in which my self insert technical support Lt. was very clearly (to me) writing letters to @kittydorkling

I don't have any for SOC yet, I haven't been here long enough to have given up on anything.

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

I tend to hyperfixate on specific stories for weeks at a time and reread them an unhealthy amount until I get what I need.

Current obsessions:

Spiraling into Bliss by rainstormdragon (NC-17)

forgotten by leehab23 (NC-17)

honey, honey by halfahint

raspberry memories by MaudeAlise

I should probably just sent this list to my therapist and see if that fixes me.

(fic asks)

[mellophase]

Post-Mortem: My Heart Bled Out At Prudential Center (A True Story of Music and Human Connection)

I went to MCR’s first show in Newark a few weeks ago. I travelled over six hundred miles (something I didn’t really realize until after the fact, somehow, and I was appalled at myself for doing it) to see them in their home state. I’ve had some time to process the experience and recover from flying there and back and being awake for thirty-two hours because EWR was way too cold to sleep in, and I want to just write down the experience and some things I came away with because I’m not quite sure it was all real. This is super fucking long so I’m including a break. Hope you enjoy!

It was quiet the morning I left. No one besides I, my partner, Ticketmaster, and God knew where I was going that morning. My brother knew I had tickets, but didn’t know when I was going. It was stupid in hindsight-- Newark isn’t necessarily the kindest city in New Jersey nor the US, and I’d never been there on my own before. My mother knew I would be out of town, but she thought I’d be a two hour drive away, not a two hour flight. I’m old enough to make my own decisions, of course, but even at 20 years old, she’d never be comfortable with me going to Jersey. I went down to my car and couldn’t even manage to turn the radio on. It was 4:30 in the morning. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. I felt anxiety swell as I pulled into the economy lot at the airport and killed the engine. My headlights stayed on for a minute, illuminating the empty spot in front of me. I had passing thoughts about who I would call if I somehow locked my keys in my car or I left my headlights on by mistake and my car battery died. I dismissed them quickly, “keys, wallet, phone-ing” myself till I felt sure that I actually remembered and then it was dark except for the streetlights. 

The shuttle ride to my terminal was quiet other than a man across from me making jokes with the driver (he and his wife were going to Savannah, to a beach, and told me I’d like Newark if I was a city bird. I am not, but it was sweet of them to say.) TSA was unremarkable and uneventful, and I sat in concourse B to do my makeup. I had a little drawstring bag with all the essentials someone could need-- eyeshadow, liner, phone charger, ear buds, a sketchbook, granola bars, and my wallet. I had flown alone so many times before, made some little excursions across a few tri-states, but even I could tell this one was different. I texted my partner the whole two hours before my flight took off, trying hard not to chew my nails and chip the shockingly even black polish I’d so carefully put on while watching the Georgia livestreams Sunday night. I held my breath through the entire taxi process until we took off in the air, a solid 7:00 in the morning, Eastern Standard Time. The sun was just starting to rise, and I was enjoying the soft pinks and purples of the sky. The photos could never do it justice. Nor could it do the bright pink of the sun justice when the man in the seat next to me (14 B, a sweet guy whose wife and son were a couple rows ahead of us) drew my attention to it. I spent most of my time looking out the window. It was the first time I’d flown on a clear day and could actually see the world pass by. There was nothing below me I recognized besides the Appalachian Mountains as we passed them, and it made me smile to see them, knowing I’d be leaving them behind for a day. It was quickly replaced by awe once I saw the familiar landscape of New York City, a sight I hadn’t beheld with my own eyes since I was 16. Then Newark appeared soon after. I held my breath again as we landed at 9:38 AM, and a swiftly turned off Airplane Mode to text my partner to let them know I was safe. 

The walk after that was a blur-- departing terminal B, a very kind staff member helping me figure out exactly where I’d have to transfer to get to Newark Penn Station (and texting my partner a quick “Fuck Chicago” because everyone in EWR was more helpful than anyone in O’Hare ever was in all the times I’ve been), and then I was finally on the train to Newark. I could see Prudential Center out the window as we passed, and I felt my heart in my throat. It was so large it was like a beacon.

I stepped off into Penn station, and was immediately hit with the smell that only large cities seem to have-- the smell of exhaust, sewage, and grit. It was such a difference from where I grew up: clean mountain breezes, humidity, and honeysuckle permeating the air so thickly it was sickening. I remember murmuring to myself as soon as I got off the train: “This is insane.” 

Then again as I stepped out of the station: “This is insane.” 

Again as I walked down Market Street: “This is insane.” 

And once more as I saw Prudential Center across the street: “This is insane.”

To this day, I don’t think I’ve uttered those three words more than I did that day.

I was horrendously early, especially for someone with a seated ticket, so I grabbed a coffee before I headed over toward the venue. I met a girl who was also attending the show (she was from Georgia, and she was so kind). We walked over to the venue together, but she was waiting in the GA line, so I bid her farewell. I sat at the benches by Ford Tower, watching hockey players enter and exit the building and drew little nonsense drawings in my sketchbooks (Frank in his outfit from Revenge, Lunchbox (the dog), and Gerard with iced coffee) before tweeting The Homeless Gospel Choir asking for drawing ideas. They asked me to draw their band, and I did in about 40 minutes. I’d only brought pencils with me, so it was sketchy and a little rough, but they loved it anyway. I found out they edited the drawing to make the lines stand out more, and posted it to their Twitter account. By this point, it wasn’t even noon. Still six hours and some change to kill before doors opened.

It was then someone I had seen sitting by the corner came up to me. Dorian|Kate. He was one of the people I remember the most that day because we spent around five hours together just chatting. She was kind. Asked if I minded him smoking around me, I didn’t but I didn’t smoke (but totally asked for a cigarette hours later, and she made sure it wasn’t my first because “I refuse to give someone their first one”). He drove three hours to be there, and they were an artist. We talked about our favorite albums, how we found MCR, the people important to us, and all sorts of things. (She follows me here now and if you’re reading this-- hello! I hope you made it home safe). He drew ‘Very Much Alive’ on my neck for me and laughed when I made a joke about how that was the most homoerotic experience I’d had. I wrote on her arms too, but I don’t remember what she asked me to do. He gave a homeless woman (who we found out was named Tammy) money for her birthday, and spoke to her in the most kind and understanding way I have ever seen. I was fascinated. I am always nervous around strangers for the most part, and I know she is a kinder person that I ever could have been. I wouldn’t have helped (partially because I wasn’t able to), but she didn’t hesitate in the slightest.

I waited with him in the GA line for a while, making sure I wasn’t numbered. I was there to have fun. I met a couple of girls, friends from out of the country (one from London who was just there to drop off and support her friend who was born in Egypt, but now lives in the UAE. They met at a music festival in 2016, and have been friends ever since!), a girl from Newark, and another from New York. I said hi to someone I knew from Twitter. The hours passed quickly, and when I was able to find the energy to speak, I was able to make some wonderful connections with the lovely people around me. I even got to meet three members of The Homeless Gospel Choir: Derek, Maura, and Megan! I gave them my drawing, and they gave me a sticker (and a hug. Derek asked if he could before he did it, which I greatly appreciate because I don’t usually like being touched) in turn. I learned they were from my hometown, and Derek jokingly said I should meet them for wings when they were back in town, and I told them they knew how to reach me now, so just say the word.

As lines tend to do, GA had to move, and so did my friends. It was still another hour until doors opened, so I said goodbye for the time being, and went to go wait by the doors. There was a small group of people sitting by the steps who let me join in on their little circle (who I found out later were Jo, Joy, Lizard, and KJ-- artists I had long admired and appreciated for how they captured the band. Though I’d been following KJ for a lot longer for a piece of Hozier art they’d made years ago. There were also a couple of people I don’t remember the names of because I was very nervous and overwhelmed. I was only able to remember everyone else’s names because I had known of them before I barely heard their names because I'm a little hard of hearing and couldn't focus fast enough to lip read). We chatted back and forth, and I was so nervous I could have thrown up because I was around people I admired a fair bit. I met another man, Brian, who they were all familiar with, and he was kind to me as well. We didn’t speak much, but his eyes were as kind as the people I sat in out little circle with. I was gifted a pin, and they let me take an extra one for my partner who couldn’t attend the concert due to them living overseas. Every one of them was all gentle smiles and kind hearts.

A staff member for Prudential Center announcing that backpacks would not be allowed in the center made my blood run cold, and my heart weigh heavy in my chest. What money I had on me (I had been budgeting before the concert. Saving what I could to buy a shirt, my train tickets, parking at the airport, and some small food items to keep me from having a blood sugar crash. I’d only been able to go to the concert due to a Delta gift card I’d been given for my 20th birthday and the ‘Buy Now, Pay Later’ option with Ticketmaster) was all in cash, and it was $8 compared to the ten I needed to buy a locker. This was it. The show was over before it had even started. I very, very quietly asked if anyone in the group intended to get a locker, but already was pulling up the NJ Transit app to pull up my return ticket to EWR and check the train schedules. There had been no intention to, but Jo offered to get one. That kindness was the whole reason I get to write about this experience now, and I don’t think they will ever understand just how much that means to me.

We stood in line once they started directing us to line up at the doors, and we chattered for a little longer, though I was mostly listening at this point. We said quick goodbyes when they opened, and I agreed to meet them outside the center after the concert, and then it was just another hour before the show.

I found my seat quickly enough (Section 20, row 14, seat 13), and some kind strangers took my photo in front of the stage before the show. I was texting my partner again, though it was on and off as it was well past 11PM in the UK, and they were exhausted. Once they were safely asleep, I meet my seat neighbor, Julianna. She was local, and this was her first time seeing MCR. Her fiancé was in the pit that night, and she got tickets a lot later than he did, so she was running solo that night in her own way, the same as me. Again, there was back and forth conversation, and I learned that she was a speech therapist, she loved Anthony Green and Circa Survive, and that her fiancé had a band at one point in time and was touring, but was now working in music management. I told her about my partner, how I got back into My Chem (DM’ing my now partner on Twitter back in July of last year when I barely knew them asking “You talk about this DILF [Cherri Cola] a lot. What is he from?”), and about my experiences so far that day. 

As The Homeless Gospel Choir took the stage, I let myself get lost in the music. Half their set was introduced with “this is a protest song” and I couldn’t help but smile. I couldn’t hear all the words clearly, the unfamiliarity of them making it a little hard for me to understand, but I could feel their energy, even though I wasn’t right in front of them. Then that little fifteen minute break before Thursday took the stage. I’d seen Thursday two weeks before at a tiny little venue a state over from mine. Same as last time I saw them, I didn’t know a single word, but I still enjoyed everything they brought to the stage. I was familiar with them though digging deeper into the origins of MCR as well as learning about LS Dunes and The Future Violents. I was enjoying the set, and then I felt my heart cinch as I heard the dedication Geoff made before a song:

“This song is for the human rights of everyone in this arena. This song is for reproductive rights. This song is for the right to express your gender and sexuality in a safe way.” 

I was never a part of the punk scene in my city. I did so many extracurriculars in high school I never left. I spent 13 hours a day in that building five days a week, and spent weekends there or on the road for band, theater, and speech and debate. But I wondered, had I been involved, if I would have met people like him. People who were so relentlessly strange, and honest, and good. Pepple who had more compassion for their fellow humans than I have ever seen.

The set continued on, they were beautiful— and then they hit me with two more gut punches. One was bringing our Gerard for Jet Black New Year, followed by Anthony Green joining then toward the end of their set. I watched in awe, and my hands were shaking. Not only was awe present, but a distinct feeling of warmth (and a tinge of jealousy— getting to play in a band with your best friends is always something I've ached for, and now they get to play with each other and I felt a little sick). I wasn't inconsolable, but I was quiet during thay half hour before MCR took the stage. I talked to Julianna, cheered for vacuum guy, but I hardly remember it all.

When the static started, I felt my gut heave. I had barely anything left in my stomach, but I felt like I was going to loose everything I had in my body regardless. Bones. Blood. Internal organs. Everything was going good. be ripped out of me. Even as I heard the opening riff of Foundations I felt that tug. I felt a pull so deep inside of me. I had a distinct remembrance of telling people how much performing with a group meant to me. How connected I felt to this group of people. It was overwhelming to feel that not only with the group performing, but the entire arena itself. Everyone was cheering, crying, waiting with bated breath to see what they would do next, singing, screaming— it was breathtaking. I was hit with one moment of sheer joy after another as the songs shifted, even though I'd heard them all before, seeing them in this light was heaven.

Once more, I felt myself choking up as Gerard invited a friend to the stage. Geoff entering for Best Day Ever made that deep, longing ache settle in my chest again. It wasn't a song I knew well, but it was beautiful all the same to watch him and Gerard interact. Men who had known each other longer than I'd been alive. How much that affection and admiration was so very clear even after all this time. By the time they reached the encore, I was a mess. I was silent through Demolition Lovers, and cried my way through The Kids From Yesterday ("This is a song that we play just for us"). Ray's solo had me entirely entranced, and I could feel every emotion from the past day pour out of me. I was so deathly convinced that I was dying. The weight in my chest and the pounding of my skull from my screaming could have been enough to knock me to the floor. I envisioned the blood pouring from my hands, my eyes, my stomach. All because of the way I felt my heart and view had been ripped away and rearranged in the span of an hour and a half. I was silent as I left the center, giving Jo only several quiet thank you's as they returned my bag to me, and then walking to the station. I talked once I got to my platform. A lot. I talked the whole 45 minutes, and I listened in turn. I met some students from New York. A parent who said they received the ticket as a gift, and who said they were so thankful to be able to see them live and listen to them again after a period of trauma where they weren't able to.

Then the train home. Trying to sleep in EWR despite how cold it was. Silence for hours upon hours until TSA opened. I walked through, and just sat at my gate, getting up occasionally to make sure I didn't loose blood flow. Then called my partner once they woke up for the day. The flight home was equally as uneventful, but I had time to think. A lot. I thought about everyone I had met. Everyone who had shown kindness to me and others. Everyone who experienced what I had.

The spell was broken for a little while as I returned to my home state. Especially because I saw the mother of one of my acquaintances from high school. She'd known me since I was a soft, round 12 year old, and here she was seeing me covered in makeup and a Mikey Fuckin Way shirt looking like I hadn't slept in days. She gave me a smile and told me "I thought that was you". The pleasantries we exchanged were brief, but the haze returned as soon as I was behind the wheel of my car and alone with my thoughts again.

I walked out of that concert with more motivation than ever. I wanted to connect. To create. To bring someone solace when they need it and touch the hearts and minds of everyone I could. Even though I was exhausted, the first thing I did when I got home was pick up my guitar and wail. It wasn't good. It wasn't about being good, though, it was about the fact that if I didn't create something right that second, it would all be worth nothing. Every ounce of energy and goodness that had been pushed my way in the past 48 hours was for nothing. I finally collapsed on my bed after a while, too exhausted to do anything but succumb to the exhaustion. But it was still everything I'd ever wanted. It was my secret. One that was between me, my partner, all those strangers, MCR, and whatever god had chosen to smile down upon me enough to let me experience it all.

[chronic-boogara]

𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜: 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐

hello my fellow slasher enthusists i have finally come back from the grave!!! they unbanned me so i'm going to repost this and some of the works ive done over the months @slasher-male-wife kept me sane so everyone thank him

lil update- why tf does this have so many notes y’all are insane ..love you weirdos so much tho <3

find part two here

jason vorhees

•please take his clothes y/n. he’s begging you to do so. everything that is his is yours. sharing is caring after all.

•his wardrobe consists of flannels and ripped up t-shits he doesn’t change much

•he’s glad you’re putting it to better use than he could have

•oh you just look so cute. he loves seeing you swimming in the large fabric

michael myers

•don’t you dare.

•plus who wants those ugly ass coveralls ??

•michael is sensitive about his stuff, he’ll share if he must but he prefers to have his own.

thomas hewitt

•loves it!!!

•will leave clothes on your side of the bed. he ENCOURAGES you to take it

•he can’t help falling even more in love with you seeing you like this

bubba sawyer

•warms up to it

•he wasn’t sure how to feel at first but after seeing your face grew to love seeing you in his garments

•he usually isn’t too keen on sharing so ask before you take something. it’s likely the answer will be yes

vincent sinclair

•why would you want his clothes ?

•doesn’t mind it but does not see the appeal.

•he thinks you look nice in anything so he won’t be too surprised when you look stunning in his sweater