#thank you to everyone who has been a ray of sunshine and checking in | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

review-anon · 2 months ago

Text

Despair Time Chapter 2 Review Part 1: The Good

Hey guys Review Anon here and what’s this? I’m reviewing something other than ASOOT arcs? Yes, yes, I am. Shocker I know but I am not treading too far as I’m still covering Danganronpa as I’m reviewing Chapter 2 of Despair Time now it’s finished. I have my thoughts on it and now I’ve taken some time to take it all in I can talk about what went well, what didn’t go well and what lessons we can take away from the whole thing. I was gonna wait until Bubbles does their review/rant but natural disasters are bitches and power hasn’t been restored yet. So, I’m doing this now to get out of the way.

And for any people coming here from non ASOOT related tags then I will apologise in advance because you are gonna be in for a LOOONNNGGGG read. If you are the type to go tl;dr then turn away now.

I presume the rest of you want to read it? Well, let’s get right to it. I’ve split this into three parts because I don’t want to do Google Docs for this, and it would be an easier read for those who came from the non ASOOT space as you guys aren’t used to my lengthy reviews. Consider this your crash course on how I review, in extreme detail and excessive word count. This right here is about 8.5k which is a bite size by my standards which should tell you everything.

Please bear in mind you will have to wait a bit for the next parts as I want to get my current project done before this. Its just I didn't anticipate this taking so long.

Anyway, let’s get right into it, shall we?

Chains of Friendship

Chapter 1s for any Fanronpa tend to be very shocking as it’s the creator’s way to try and surprise the audience and subvert any expectations they have. Some do this well, others do not. But Despair Time was one of those who did it well by how it handled the main protagonist Teruko Tawaki.

At first glance she seemed to be an atypical Danganronpa protagonist. Ultimate Lucky Student? Check. Has an ahoge? Check. Believes in friendship, trust, hope and all those bollocks? Check. Gets backstabbed by someone they believed to be a friend in the first chapter? Check quite literally. Forgives said friend and continues to be a ray of sunshine? Ch- oh wait hang on a minute she didn’t do that at all.

Yeeaahhh while Xander’s sudden attempted murder on Teruko was a massive shock, what was even more so that Teruko decided to say fuck friendship and trust and not trust anyone ever again. On one hand you can understand Teruko’s rage. She was very close to Xander and he used that trust to try and kill her. Min was also someone who supported Teruko and she was willing to throw Teruko under the bus to save her own skin. None of the others stood up for her as they all decided that Teruko killed Xander, and it was only thanks to the power of protagonist energy and using basic logic that saved them. As such Teruko was well within her right to call everyone out for being selfish bastards. Especially since as we get to know more of Teruko this chapter, we learn that what happened in Chapter 1, while extreme, is a snapshot of her entire life due to how ruinous her luck has been.

I don’t think I’ve said this before, but I will say it now, luck SUCKS in the Danganronpa universe. Look at all the Lucky Students we had, Makoto is the only one who has a decent life and he loses the most. Nagito is so ravaged by luck he’s become suicidal and depressed. Yuki goes through literal hell due to his luck and the less said about Utsuro, the better. And while it’s still very much a WIP, one of my OCs is a Lucky Student and her life is equally ruined by her luck. But don’t worry I’ve not copy pasted it from anyone else as the direction I’ve taken my OC is in a way nobody has done before. And what Teruko has here is a fine example of that. She is an orphan who was abandoned by everyone in her life, she has numerous wounds on her body, she barely has any education as she has to sneak into large schools as a student and then once the gig is up, run away and her finances are in ruins due to the hospital bills. Its little surprise why she likes the Killing Game, as she gets guaranteed food and shelter here, which is more then what can be said outside. But even that has a silver lining as we know whoever the mastermind is, they have it out for her.

However, while this is a massive departure from what the typical protagonist would go through, it’s a known fact that in a Killing Game, you NEED to work with others. Class Trials are decided by majority vote and so if you become a pariah, you are very likely to be ignored and might risk dooming yourself or others if what you are saying is true. Teruko doesn’t have to like her classmates, but she needs to learn to coexist with them. Especially since Teruko switching from “I hate and distrust everyone” to “We are all friends” is a major mood whiplash I doubt anyone would do. So naturally one of the main themes of this chapter is learning to rebuild trust after its broken and the consequences of not trusting anyone.

Two major voices object to Teruko’s self-imposed isolation and distrust of everyone. The first is Eden Tobisa. She’s always been a cheerful and optimistic person within the Killing Game and has taken Xander’s and Min’s deaths harshly. In a way Eden behaves more like what a typical Danganronpa protagonist does, wanting to be friends with everyone and being kind. When she tries to get Teruko to bake with her, Teruko reminds her the last time they baked was with Hu, Rose and Min and that was later used for Min’s murder of Xander. She calls her naïve for being optimistic and says she won’t be friends with her, because she knows that at some point, Eden will crack from the harsh reality of the Killing Game and the luckster doesn’t want a stake in it. Kindness will always be rewarded with cruelty.

But when she says this Eden surprises her as contrary to what Teruko thinks, Eden isn’t oblivious to the cruelness of the Killing Game and reality as a whole. Yet the small clockmaker chooses to be kind because it’s the right thing to do, and if you give someone kindness while people can backstab you, you can be rewarded. When it comes to trust and distrust you need a healthy balance.

When I reviewed Black and White Christmas, I didn’t like how Sunako was forcing the Quantum Crew to trust the 76 Squad for a couple of reasons. I tried explaining it at the time, but I felt I telegraphed it quite poorly and I’m sure that’s irritated Mod Poi. The first one is on me, as I didn’t really know the 76 Squad then and as such couldn’t really tell at face value if they were to be trusted or not. Since they are from NWPM and I struggled to read it, my lack of knowledge led to that judgement, but the other thing is that I compared the whole thing to Raja and the Last Dragon and how it mishandled the theme of trust. Expect I didn’t explain it very well or misunderstood the hate. The main reason Raja got betrayed the first time was because she trusted Namaari too much, which you should never do to people you literally just meet. Give them the benefit of doubt yes, but never open yourself up to someone you don’t know that well. Teruko made that mistake with Xander and that’s why she got a knife in her gut.

While it’s a heartfelt speech, it had a notable impact on Teruko as she didn’t know how to respond. When you expect nothing but betrayal and backstabbing, having someone be kind for the sake of it can shock you. It’s the same shock Kyoko experienced in Trigger Happy Havoc when she didn’t expect Makoto to keep his mouth shut about evidence that he knows is false, and he explained it’s because he trusts her, she didn’t know how to respond. While Eden isn’t the main protagonist, the same principle applies.

Eden isn’t the only person who objects to Teruko’s views that you should never have faith in others as the other is Charles Cuevas. Starting off Charles was your atypical smug intellectual who believes he’s superior to others, akin like Byakuya and Rei. But much like them, he softens up and learns to work with others though in Charles’s case it’s a bit more extreme. In Chapter 1 he was revealed to suffer from Hemophobia, so much so that if he sees blood, he literally goes into shock and can’t remember anything. Xander uses this to his advantage to try and frame Charles for his would be killing of Teruko, but when it seems like everyone is turning on Charles, Whit is the one who stands up for him, gives evidence why he couldn’t do it and so Charles is cleared. This has caused the formally smug chemist to go through a bit of character development as while in Chapter 2 he still thinks his intelligence is beyond that of most of the cast, he isn’t pushing them down as much and has soften up to certain characters, most particularly Whit and Teruko. The former because he stood up for him and is an honest friend and the latter due to demonstrating that unlike most of the cast, Teruko actually uses her brain. It’s a slow burn but assuming Charles survives all to the end, he will become a much better person.

So, when Teruko talks about her disbelief that he is trusting people after what happened in the Class Trail, he brings up some valid points on why Teruko is actually being quite illogical as cooperation with others is key to surviving this game and humans are social pack animals by design, we work better as a team.

Chapter 1 Charles is pretty much Chapter 2 Teruko but after learning he cannot look at a corpse and thus is incapable of surviving on his own, Charles has started to learn how to rely on others. In some ways he doesn’t like how everyone pities him now so Teruko is a relief as her interactions with him haven’t changed. But while Eden says why Teruko is wrong from an emotional and moral perspective, Charles approaches it from a logical and factual point of view. As many analysts have already pointed out, it’s impossible to do a solo act in a Killing Game, if you want to live, you need to learn how to work with others. Either to prevent yourself from becoming a target, or so others can help you when you are down, much like how Whit helped Charles in his lowest point. As such using his own experiences, he knows the direction Teruko is coming from and implores her to reconsider as eventually events will occur which will force her back to trusting others again.

I like this as we have two different characters, both who get tons of development this Chapter, attacking Teruko’s morals from different angles. But while they are definitely making dents, Teruko is able to justify in her worldview that she’s been beaten too many times to be like Eden, especially as Eden seems to have had a good life where her worst secret is that she’s a closet lesbian. Which okay its definitely something Eden might have been harassed over if bigotry is still a thing in this world, but with so many of the cast being LGBTQ, it’s not the worst secret in the world. And for Charles, he has a deliberating condition which prevents him from surviving on his own. Everyone knows about Teruko’s luck and she’s survived this well without needing help on it so she doesn’t need to rely on others.

Expect of course, she’s wrong, because during an interaction with Veronika, she brings up the suggestion that Teruko might have prosopagnosia.

While it’s not confirmed in this Chapter, I do believe Bubbles has a point that Teruko might have face blindness but I don’t think its prosopagnosia. Recall that Teruko has had a very harsh upbringing where she couldn’t get close to people or have a solid support network. It’s known that having a disruptive childhood can lead to arrested development in various areas. I recall a case where a woman had blurry vision for a long time as a child and wasn’t diagnosed as shortsighted until much later in her life and because this happened after the point in a child’s development where the sense of self develops, it means this woman had a lot of self-identity problems and has a hard time recognising herself or others. But she doesn’t have prosopagnosia as that’s a neurological condition you are born with. Rather I feel the face blindness is due to people fazing in and out of Teruko’s life so much that she doesn’t bother forming connections and that is what’s fucked her up.

Regardless of the technicities, it IS a problem in a Killing Game because it would be very easy for someone to trick Teruko by merely dressing up as someone else. That wouldn’t be a problem if Teruko has a support network in place, but if she doesn’t, then she’s a goner. So, like Charles, for medical reasons Teruko doesn’t have the means to stand on her own and needs others to help her.

But the one character who shattered Teruko’s worldview and made her realise what she’s doing is wrong is the victim of this chapter; Arei Nageishi.

When Arei was introduced back in the Prologue at first it seemed like she was gonna be an insufferable Hiyoko-like character. She’s vicious, mean and enjoys tormenting others. But Chapter 1 reveals some layers to her as when Eden invited Teruko, Rose, Min and Hu to bake, Arei got really upset because she wasn’t invited, implying she wants to be involved with the group but doesn’t know how to approach it in any way other than being mean. Then during her FTE with J, she reveals that she has a ranking system in place for how badly she bullies other, while some like J get mild teasing, others she will try to ruin their lives completely. And for kind people she will make sure they cry because she cannot stand anyone being kind, implying that Arei seems to have a real problem with people being kind.

As such when Eden goes to apologise to Arei for excluding her, at first Arei behaves like how Teruko would think she would, she belittles Eden, calls her dumb and says she’s gonna die if she keeps this up, which causes Eden to burst into tears and run away. But alone with David and Teruko, Arei confesses that she didn’t like doing that. She said that stuff to Eden to protect her, because she believes the world is like what Teruko says it is, that kindness cannot be rewarded with anything other than cruelty. And if Eden keeps this up, she’s gonna die. The reason for this is as you would expect due to trauma as Arei’s older sisters would torment her constantly and make her life hell, until Arei just had it and frame her sisters for a bunch of crimes which resulted in them getting send to reform school. This here is a snapshot of one of the main themes this chapter has so we will come back to it later. So, is Arei just reinforcing Teruko’s worldview? Nope. Because then Arei reveals that despite all of that, she WANTS kind people to exist, she HAS to be doubtful of Eden because she’s so kind and optimistic, the exact person Arei wants to have in her life, but her past experiences have gotten in the way. And as she breaks down sobbing due to that, something stirs within Teruko.

Without realising it, Arei has shot a massive wound in Teruko’s armour. She’s someone who is basically like Teruko, who is rude and cruel to others because every time she’s tried to be kind, it was slapped down and punished. She also believes the world is a dark and evil place, but she also wants to believe kind people exist, despite what her experiences have taught her. This is what Teruko is going through. The fact she does cactus puppet plays of Xander and Min, shows that despite what Teruko claims, she is not a sociopath and can care for others, and she wants to be friends with everyone but having been hurt so badly, she cannot get close again. Teruko, without realising it, sees a lot of herself within Arei. She denies it at the time but those words have an impact on her.

David’s speech to her, even though its hollow and not even Arei believed it because she saw his secret and knew he was a piece of shit, still didn’t mind it. The reason being is that even if someone like David, who is seen as a beacon of hope and sunshine, is a rotten bastard deep down, then its proof she isn’t too far gone. While obviously we don’t have David reveal this to the others, we see the conversation happen, and it clearly had an effect on David, due to him remembering it so vividly. Arei’s drive to become a better person wound up saving Eden’s life twice as she interrupted Arturo’s attack on Eden when she tried to reveal his secret to him, and by doing her stunt Ace, the culprit for this case, decided to switch targets and go for Arei instead of Eden. Which I’m glad that Eden didn’t die because if she did, that would convince many that Despair Time was gonna be a cynical work like the Another Series and The Mistake. And why of course Arei still died this chapter, her death was NOT caused by her reaching out to others because Ace was gonna kill regardless of what was happening. And Teruko’s rage at Ace for killing Arei was less about him having a shitty motive but because had Arei lived, she and Teruko would have become good friends, since she would have understood Teruko’s pain and her desire to want to trust others regardless of her past.

Teruko also suffered the consequences of shutting others out as by being isolationist, Teruko has missed the context for a lot of what shenanigans have unfolded among others, and due to believing her viewpoint to be the only correct one, she makes mistakes. During the Class Trial, Teruko misreads the time and assumed the murder occurred at 8pm and NOT 8am which is Arei’s true time of death. Had Charles not pointed this out, David would be ruled as the culprit and everyone would have been executed. Another major mistake Teruko made was in how to end the Killing Game. When Veronika said that Eden had an idea to end the Killing Game by being as boring as possible, Teruko said that wouldn’t work as that’s why motives exist, whereas she has an idea but she needs to wait until the next murder occurs. We are left hanging, and for Arei’s case quite literally on what she meant by that, that is until Ace was exposed as the culprit and Teruko asks Ace to do something outrageous; Kill MonoTV.

Teruko’s logic for this at first glance seems sound. The reason the Killing Game occurs is due to the fact they have to follow MonoTV’s rules, and breaking them results in death. However, with Ace due to die via execution, he has nothing to lose. If he destroys MonoTV he has a chance to save his own life, of course if he fails, so what, Ace is gonna die anything so it achieves nothing. In short, there is no downsides and only upsides.

Expect of course if you have been paying attention, this is not the case. Firstly, normally with the mascots they tend to have copies, one gets destroyed, another takes its place. Thus, the game will carry on, but then there’s another one and one that tripped a lot of people up. When MonoTV was asked who would be the blackened, he said whoever was the most “mastermind-y” Now a lot of people interpreted this as being whoever is behind the murder and not necessarily the murderer. This is why Bubbles proposed that while Hu would be the one to kill Arei/J, David would be the blackened as he was the one who manipulated Hu into doing so. But this logic doesn’t just apply to murders, when Ace obliges and tries to smash MonoTV, it doesn’t work due to the robot being more durable then initially thought, the AI said that while Ace did break a rule, he was gonna be executed anyway so it would achieve nothing. As such the one being punished would be the one who told Ace to break said rule; Teruko herself.

As the countdown for Teruko to get gatling gunned occurs, I wasn’t worried like Teruko, as I KNEW someone was gonna jump in front of her and take the shots. The question was; who? I was thinking either Eden or Charles would do so as both have strong connections to Teruko, and for both it would be a massive contribution to their characters. In Eden’s case its shows she’s not scared to fight what she believes in, and returning the favour. Teruko stood up for her when the culprits narrowed down to Ace and herself, and Teruko decided to focus on Ace, so the petite clockmaker would return the favour. For Charles, it would be him facing his fears as he is terrified of the sight of blood and gore, so him jumping in front of the way of a gatling gun, assuming he survives, would show how much he is starting to care for the others. Anyone else aside those two…I didn’t think so. Ace would have never done so as I’m sure he is the one who voted for Teruko. Nico clearly wanted to get away with their crimes and the others either aren’t close to Teruko or jumping in front of the gun would be out of character for them. So, when the timer hit zero, I expected a CGI of either Eden or Charles with a lot of bullets in them…

But instead, my expectations were blown wide open by the fact that Levi of all people jumped in front of Teruko and shielded her from the bullets. This reminded me very much of when Akane was almost blown up by a bazooka by Monokuma but Nekomaru blocked his way and got shot. Considering what we learnt about Levi in this Chapter, this really took me off guard AND bumped him up several tiers in my character rankings.

But this had a total shock on Teruko, as she believed if she didn’t care for anyone else, nobody would likewise care for her, so the fact that someone cared enough to shield her from pain, and that they are on death’s door because of her, send shockwaves through Teruko’s body as when after Ace’s execution as everyone rushed to the infirmary to treat Levi, Teruko stayed behind to do something she said she would never do; mourn.

The amount of people who contributed to Teruko’s character development doesn’t end there as while those four are examples of positive interactions for Teruko, we have had two cases of negative interactions who serve a different purpose, the first is David Chiem.

When introduced David…seemed off. He seemed like an affable and friendly person who believes everyone has the motivation and desire to change, and Xander in particular seems to be a massive fanboy of him. But like most celebrities and people in public that is just a façade is in the Prologue when Xander went off to get something for his idol to sign, we see David chuckling to himself on how much of an idiot Xander is, without realising that Teruko was there to see it all, and his shock when she reveals she heard that, says it all. Chapter 2 brought up the suss meter even further when David ‘confessed’ his secret and implored everyone to discuss their own secrets, which far from doing good, ended up causing a lot of drama and tension. Anyone with a irk of sense could tell David was fake, I knew he was fake, Bubbles knew he was fake, pretty much most Youtubers reacting knew he was fake.

Another factor working against him is his VA. Quite a few SDRA2 English Dub VAs also worked on Despair Time, and for the most part is interesting to see their contrasts. Bblackroses is known for playing Hibiki Otonokoji, but here she is J who while Hibiki is a bubbly peppy girly-girly, J is a complete tomboy who hates the starlight and fame. Artimmissis Setsuka Chiebukuro, who is a very reliable woman with a prankster side to her, but here she is MonoTV an incompetent mastermind who tells the worst jokes. David Chiem’s VA is Sword of Swords who also worked on SDRA2, and what character did he play there?

Oh, nobody important, just Mikado Sannoji the Mastermind of that game, the leader of the main antagonist group Void and more or less a piece of shit.

At first glance the contrast seems to be that Mikado is an evil bastard whereas David is a moral force of good. But as the pressure mounts for David and the fact his secret is that he’s a manipulator who likes to deceive others, as well as how he mocked Arei’s desire for friends earlier, meant when it reached the boiling point the mask came off and David revealed his true self.

It’s here the true contrasts between him and Mikado become clear. Both are men who hide their true selves behind a mask, literally for Mikado and figuratively for David and both pretended to be forces of good before their masks slip and their true vile nature is revealed. David is obvious as he tried to be a good moral speaker whereas Mikado you might have missed it tried to be a hero and claim Void was a force of good before Rei and Teruya ruined it. In addition, their true selves are so VERY different. Mikado always remained polite and affable even when he is being extremely bastardry whereas David is rude, condensing and swears all the damn time. I also cannot help that David’s true self looking a lot like Utsuro, who is the main object of Mikado’s desires cannot NOT be a coincidence.

But what does David show for Teruko? Well, he seems to at a glance reinforce Teruko’s beliefs that nobody can be trusted as Teruko smugly pointed out she saw the warning signs of him being evil way before anyone else did. And whenever he talks to her, he seems to want to keep this act of Teruko hating everyone up, saying it’s her nature to distrust others and the only thing she trusts is the truth. And then here is his final confession he wants Teruko to trust what he’s saying. David is in a way a warning of the kind of person Teruko would become if she keeps on her current path. I also think that David had Teruko’s secret and knows it’s her fault the Killing Game is going on. The fact he keeps seemly praising Xander and calling him a good person is obviously an attempt to get under Teruko’s skin due to how she feels about him. I for one second don’t believe he cares about Xander.

Mr. Politician isn’t the only person who serves as a warning as the culprit of this chapter, Ace Markey does as well. Ace always seemed to be a coward as he is easily scared of his own shadow and while he talks tough, he doesn’t have the actions to back it up. However, in Chapter 2 Ace gets sick and tired of being a wimp and thus decides to become a bully, which is still being a coward as pretty much most bullies bully because they are cowards who want someone weaker than themselves to lord over to make themselves feel better. Yet what drives Ace’s actions is his Thanatophobia, fear of death which is a very bad thing to have in a Killing Game. Due to this fear, Ace decides to commit murder as he feels if he doesn’t kill someone, someone will do the same to him and the fact Nico almost does, reinforces this belief. Teruko is someone while not paranoid, is very distrustful of everyone and if she feels that anyone and everyone is out to get her, she could fall down the same slippery slope that Ace does.

Despite this, Ace still manages to surprise her as when Levi takes the bullets for her, everyone needs to get to the infirmary to treat Levi otherwise he dies, but the lift won’t work since Ace still needs to be executed. Ace has already made it very clear he hates and despises Levi, especially after the latter confesses that he doesn’t care about the former, which seemed to really hurt him, but seeing someone he hates that much do something so selfless, means he decides to do the one decent thing in his life, while also being his last, getting MonoTV to execute him so the lift doors open and Levi could be saved.

That I think was the final straw which broke Teruko. She has had mounting pressure throughout the entire Chapter but then someone who was a coward, sacrificing himself so that someone else could live, is the final crushing proof as well as the knowledge that while she avoided making the same mistakes as before, she just wound up making new ones, that caused her to cry alone in the Trial Room.

We also get interesting character interactions with Teruko and MonoTV throughout the chapter. Since Teruko isolated herself so much from the others, MonoTV hires her to do maintenance around the Killing Game since he’s too incompetent to do it himself. As Monokumas were originally butler robots this would have never happened in the main series. We learn a far bit about MonoTV, that he is a simple robot designed for the Killing Game and he doesn’t have full knowledge on who’s running the thing as he was only programmed to do what his tasks enabled. And as Teruko pointed out, he is sadistic as Min was executed before she could say everything she wanted to and Ace’s execution was dragged out for as long as possible, in both cases it’s to make the victims feel the most despair. The other interesting thing is that Teruko can use Monocoins to get him to remove other characters who are bothering her which is the complete contrast to FTEs. What should we call them instead? Exclusion Zone Effects or EZE? Nah that doesn’t roll off the tongue.

In conclusion, I really liked how Teruko was handled in this Chapter due to how much of a cliffhanger the previous chapter left with her. This chapter did so much to knock her down for her high and mighty view and while she won’t be buddy-buddy come Chapter 3, I do believe that she will be more approachable to the cast. Teruko’s journey throughout this fanganronpa will be interesting to see and I see her opening up more about her past as she gets more comfortable with the cast.

Trust in Nature

Every Danganronpa game has two themes, no matter how you slice it. The first theme is the most obvious one and this is a theme that the protagonist and the mastermind have in common. For Trigger Happy Havoc its Hope vs. Despair, Goodbye Despair is Future vs. Past and Killing Harmony is Truth vs. Lies.

Some have said that it’s too early to call what the themes for Despair Time are, but I disagree as Chapter 2 imo is the ideal time to introduce your themes, and I think I’ve worked them out. The primary theme is one that doesn’t take much to deduce and others have caught onto it and that is Optimism vs. Cynicism. Teruko is a very cynical individual and doesn’t think she can trust others but more optimistic people disagree, saying being jaded makes you more open to being deceived. Eden and Charles, who are 100% the partners in this fanganronpa serving similar roles to Kaito and Maki in Killing Harmony where one represents the emotional connection and the other the logical one. Eden is always a bundle of sunshine and wanting everyone to be happy, but unlike someone like say Makoto, she isn’t oblivious to the fact the world is cruel but chooses to be kind regardless because its decent and it’s the most moral thing to do. Charles is more logical based and originally was quite cynical but having been shown kindness by Whit, he has opened up a bit more to some other people and while he definitely is a work in progress, he is more optimistic about surviving and escaping the Killing Game.

And this brings me to the Rival of the Fanganronpa; David. Bubbles didn’t like David surviving past Chapter 2, ignoring their own hatred for David aside because they didn’t think David contributed anything meaningful to the overall narrative of Despair Time. I disagree harshly as if I am right with the main themes of Despair Time, David is 100% a perfect Rival character as he represents those themes so well. The cynicism side is obvious as David believes that everyone is gonna die in the Killing Game and there is no point to continuing so might as well get it over and done with. This is why when David’s true nature was exposed, he tried to claim to be the killer, which is another typical rival tactic, so everyone votes for him and they all die. This very logic is why Teruko said she is not the culprit because as soon as David went on his tirade, it would have been an instant win condition for her. And as the game progresses more and more people are gonna want to live to prove David wrong and his mental sanity is probably gonna decline as a result until his Rival protection cause expires in Chapter 5 where he probably dies in a way to try and spite the cast. Going back to the Mastermind, I believe they think the Despair Time cast are all horrible people that deserve to die, whenever that be because they are Neo Remnants of Despair or something to do with Teruko, and as such use the Killing Game to kill them all. By the end of the fanganronpa, Teruko would have become more like a typical Danganronpa protagonist and be able to defy the mastermind wanting to kill her by showing the world is not a bleak place and people can change and improve.

That brings me nicely to the secondary themes. The primary themes are shared between the protagonist and the mastermind, whereas the secondary themes are shared between the group and the rival character. This take a bit more thinking to figure out but I think I’ve cracked what Despair Time’s secondary theme is. Trigger Happy Havoc’s is working together as a team as the class are trying to work together to survive the Killing Game while Byakuya is trying to play the Killing Game in order to “win” and isolates himself from the others. Goodbye Despair’s secondary theme is a deconstruction of the idea of talent as despite being Ultimates, Class 77-B doesn’t really care about their talents and support each other for their own individual characteristics and despite Hajime being revealed to be a Reserve Course Student, are extremely accepting of him. Nagito by contrast believes Hope’s Peak talented and talentless system is gospel, praises his fellow Ultimates for their talents which they do not want to be reminded by and is extremely cruel to Hajime when he finds out he is a talentless person who thinks he can mingle with his idea of the elite. Killing Harmony’s secondary theme is wanting to remain stagnant and compliant as the V3 Cast are very content to stick to the status quo and carry on with their lives, whereas Kokichi would rather shake things up and challenge said status quo. All of these secondary themes are very important to the story. And with that I believe Despair Time’s secondary theme is if humanity is inherently good or evil.

That seems very similar to Optimism vs. Cynicism but it isn’t. This theme tackles if humans are capable of changing their nature or if they are always either good or evil. From this it’s very easy to see where David lies, he believes humanity cannot change their nature, people are either saints or scum. If someone can “change themselves” it’s because they were never that bad to begin with, whereas truly evil people cannot change. And Teruko also seems to agree on this concept because whenever Eden says she is a good person, Teruko tells her to stop as by saying that, she makes her feel worse for the fact she can change but she hasn’t made the effort to do so. Teruko always believed she was scum and would die like scum if she cared about nobody around her.

Naturally this chapter has a few characters who challenge this rule big time. Let’s start with Levi, the guy has always seemed chill but we get to see more of a scary side to him when he threatens to kill Ace if he doesn’t stop being an arsehole. We also have an interesting opening discussion with him and Eden where Levi confesses that he doesn’t see himself as a good person, contrary to what Eden thinks. This all gets revealed in the Class Trial when Levi admits that he doesn’t possess empathy and therefore cannot care about anyone around him, the fact he’s killed 4 people, one of whom being his own father and yet he treats it with the same disinterest as one would swat a fly, is very telling.

Fans were quick to diagnose Levi with Antisocial Personality Disorder, and this is where DT Dev actually impressed me big time. This disorder is one of the most maligned within society, even more so in my opinion then those on the autistic spectrum. The reason being is simple, almost every single time a fictional character is revealed to have this disorder they are almost always a psychopathic villain who kills everyone around them and gives zero shits. To say how damaging this stereotype is unbelievable and Levi is frankly the most realistic portrayal of someone with this disorder. Yes, Levi doesn’t have empathy, or a very low level of it, but he still tries to be a good person not because of morals and emotions, but more so out of a sense of duty, especially as before Levi revealed it nobody suspected a thing due to Levi not behaving like the usual stereotypes. He isn’t very good at it because he's trying to figure out how to be a good person which isn’t easy when it’s not instinct. When Ace asked if he cared about him at all and Levi responded with flat no, while Ace screamed at Levi in his usual manner, it’s clear the jockey was hurt by this reveal as a small part of him wanted to consider Levi a friend.

So, for Levi to then shield Teruko with his body from the gatling gun, not only comes as a massive shock but I believe this is Levi’s attempts of trying to prove he is a good person. Chances are, he wasn’t happy with how he handled the situation with Ace and wanted to prove something to him, so that’s why he protected Teruko, not only because thinking about it, Levi was probably one of the few characters who could survive that, but to try and redeem himself from how he mishandled the situation with Ace. And the effects of this are very clear as Ace, who was trying to prolong his death as much as possible, upon realising the only way to save Levi is for him to die, demands MonoTV to execute him. If someone without a clear concept of empathy can be a good person, then isn’t that proof humans can change?

Arei is another character who also wants to believe she can change. After she decides to become a good person, the bowler saves Eden from being threatened by Arturo and then later that night confronts David about the fact she knows he’s full of shit. We heard some of this originally from Ace who overheard the conversation, but when David is thinking about what to say to Eden, we hear the other half where Arei says she’s glad David is horrible because it means there is no such thing as a pure good person. That even someone like Eden might have done something nasty and if he’s so deprived then there’s hope left for her. She even offers a hand of friendship to David because she thinks they are one and the same, and they can improve their behaviour together. The fact David remembers this means the conversation had a meaningful impact on him, even though he doesn’t show it. What Arei is showing is clear existentialism or optimistic nihilism. Nihilism which I’m sure 75% of people reading this believe in, is where you believe nothing in the world matters because it’s all meaningless. Optimistic nihilism by contrast is saying that yes nothing matters, but that’s okay because you have the power to decide what is most important. Arei clearly believes there is no such thing as a pure good person, but what she can be is a slightly less shitty person then she was before.

And finally, there’s Ace. Ace’s motive for killing Arei is the fact he is scared of death, and that if he didn’t kill someone, then he would be killed. His reason for targeting Arei was simply coincidence, his original target was Eden but upon learning of Arei’s desire to change, decided to exploit that to target her. Ace also demonstrates a level of intelligence we haven’t seen from him before given that he was able to memorise how Nico tried to kill him, replicate that method, overpower Arei with a method unique to him and since everyone thinks Ace is dumb, he was able to pull the wool over their eyes and he could have damn well gotten away with it, especially with David’s stunt making so many convinced he was the one who killed Arei. Goes to show that people are not as stupid as you think. He gets chewed out big time by Teruko who calls him a coward, his motive is dumb and that Arei didn’t deserve to die because of that. However, even when facing death there is still a chance for character development and that comes when Levi eats a rain of bullets. Not only does this change Ace’s opinion on Levi considering he hated his guts before, but he gives Arturo a well-deserved callout who claims he doesn’t know how to treat Levi’s wounds because of his mix-maxed medical skills, but Ace calls him a coward saying as a surgeon he should know the basics and apply that skill to save Levi’s life or at least keep him alive as he gets executed. And yes, despite being as scared as possible for his death, he accepts it as it’s the only way to save Levi as the lift doors won’t open until he is executed.

Onto Ace’s execution I was pleasantly surprised as I have seen somewhere on YouTube an Ultimate Jockey Execution where the horses are used to tear the victim up, and I would have complained MASSIVELY if Ace went down a similar route. But no, the execution is more tailored to Ace’s fear of death by him escaping horror scenario after horror scenario, no wonder Veronika was orgasming over it, until when facing an execution squad, they shoot confetti and Ace suffers a heart attack and dies from fear. This is actually a real way people can die as during the 1970s, there was a string of cases where Hmong refugees would die from heart attacks in their sleep despite being healthy and middle-aged. Doctors at the time concluded that they were suffering nightmares so bad it would cause heart attacks and kill them in their sleep, and if this sounds familiar to you, it should as it was one of the inspirations behind A Nightmare on Elm Street. There’s a reason you shouldn’t scare someone with heart problems and while Ace might not have any heart issues, he has been suffering a lot of stress which could have made his heart rate dodgy and then the execution delivered.

These themes are extremely heavy hitting and I’m glad Despair Time is covering them. I could be wrong about them but that’s my theory on what they are.

Murderer Among Us

And finally, my last big positive about Despair Time’s Chapter 2 is the fact we not only get an attempted murder, with the plot twist the would-be victim would later become the culprit but the fact that this attempt didn’t succeed means the would-be murderer walks among the cast still and they have to deal with the consequences.

I have wanted this since Killing Harmony when Monokuma offered the tantalising prospect that if there are two blackeneds, only the first murder counts. So, when Korekiyo confesses to killing Tenko, the cast cannot vote for him because if he didn’t kill Angie, they would have got it wrong. I REALLY wanted it to be that Tenko was Angie’s killer, my logic being that Angie invited Tenko to her Talent Lab for a chat which got into a heated debate about how Angie was brainwashing Himiko and Tenko, who is quite hot-headed and doesn’t always think straight, accidently killed Angie in the heat of the moment. She would then either cover up her crime or someone else like the Mastermind would make the locked room mystery which the cast discovered and when Kiyo announces he is gonna do a séance, Tenko grows worried as if the séance is a success, Angie would reveal the culprit so Tenko offered to become the vessel which led to her death. You could also argue that maybe she sensed Korekiyo was up to something and did it to protect Himiko. Either way that would make for an interesting Chapter 4 because tensions between Korekiyo and Himiko would be high, but of course Kodaka doesn’t do anything with that and as a result we end up with 4 deaths, and 2 ruined chapters.

No other fanganronpa tried anything like this as they were all not willing to commit so I thank Despair Time wholeheartedly for actually having the balls to do so. As Nico, being pushed to their limit by Ace’s tormenting of them, which is very similar to how they are ostracised for being non-binary, meant they tried to commit murder by hanging Ace on the fans, but they not only miscalculated the strength of the fans but Ace woke up from being knocked unconscious and struggled awake. Before Nico could try again, Teruko and Eden showed up, foiling any would be attempt. Not only did Nico try to commit murder, but they betrayed the trust of both Hu who was trying to protect them but also Rose as Nico stole Hu’s wire and Rose’s turpentine to use for their murder scheme. What’s interesting is they didn’t apologise because they not only were not sorry for trying to kill Ace but know an apology won’t cut it. J gave Nico a very harsh verdict that even though their attempt was foiled, the point is they still tried to commit murder and was willing to give up the lives of everyone here for their own, and betrayed the trust of those who reached out to them. Hu hasn’t had a very good time this chapter because two of her closest friends; David and Nico, turned out to be using her for their own schemes, and we see the consequences of her mother hen nature. I feel a major theme for Chapter 3 is gonna be forgiveness as both Nico and David have burnt a lot of bridges this chapter and the fact they still live, means they need to somehow get back into the good graces of the group. How they do this I don’t know; David probably would be fine being a pariah but I’m not sure if Nico is wanting to make amends. They might, but they might also think they went too far. I do hope that Nico tries, especially after they have seen that even people like Levi and Ace were willing to act selflessly. And who knows, maybe David might try but I think it would be a ruse, which will still work because this cast isn’t the brightest.

Does this mean Nico would be a survivor? I don’t know as I do believe between David and Nico, one will be a survivor and the other will die, probably as a victim but who I cannot tell as Chapter 3 would probably expand upon these two a bit more. Regardless I’m glad this is being touched upon and I for one am looking forward to see where it takes Nico.

And that’s all the positives I have to say about Chapter 2. Teruko had a good character arc, I like how we know the main themes, we know who presumably the partners and rival characters are, we have an attempted murderer walking among the cast, quite a few characters like Levi, Arei and Ace got moments to shine and the execution was well done. But it cannot be all sunshine and rainbows. As much as there is good, there is also bad so when we come back next time, I’m gonna talk about what didn’t go well for Chapter 2 and what DT Dev could do to improve things.

Until then, see ya! -Review Anon

#review anon talks #danganronpa #a student out of time #drdt #danganronpa despair time #danganronpa despair time spoilers #super danganronpa another 2 spoilers #don't ask me when the next parts are coming out #it will be for a long time #as i want to focus on my other projects first #and this is the easiest bit to talk about #the other two won't be so

31 notes · View notes

georgieluz · 1 year ago

Note

hello! when you get this, list some mutuals you love to see around and then ask someone else! spread the love!!

hello! sorry about the incredibly late reply, work has been hectic, but i can indeed throw some love and affection at my lovely mutuals!

first up: my best friend, favourite person, and overall saint of a human for putting up with all my ramblings, @footprintsinthesxnd! jess, i love you to bits and i'm so lucky to have you in my life! you're a ray of sunshine and a constant safe space in my life. you're so talented, and genuinely kind, and you deserve all the happiness in the world! thank you for being my friend <3 ily a lot!!!!

next we have @ep6bastogne! bel, you make me laugh on the daily.. like literally all the time.. and it's just so easy to talk with you, whether it's about something silly or serious, i just feel like you completely get me. i love our conversations and how similar we are! you and your big brain posts make my dashboard and it genuinely feels a lil bit empty when you're not around. you've got me lowkey crushing on hockey men i don't even know for no good reason but i love it!

@lamialamia bc we always have great conversations and i love how we can discuss everything about hbo war from in-depth meta all the way to the silliest stuff ever. whenever i'm watching something or posting about something it's always so fun to talk about it with you! i hope we have many more interesting conversations!

@theflyingfin you were one of the first people i started talking to when i first came back to tumblr and it really made me feel a lot more comfortable being back here and in the fandom! i love all our chats about andyeddie and f1 stuff and you're just an awesome person who makes my tumblr experience a lot better :)

@merriell-allesandro-shelton for always checking in on me (and everyone else in the fandom). you're such a fun and engaging presence here, and i feel like you bring a lot of people out of their shells, which in turn, makes them feel a lot more comfortable being more interactive in the fandom. you're such a caring friend and i love all the conversations we have and how open and honest we can be with each other! very glad we met and became friends!

@jump-wings and @yeahcurrahhe-e you guys were actually two of my first mutuals on this new account and i love seeing you both on my dash or in my interactions! it's kinda comforting if that makes sense? since you were here when i started this acc

@thewayisset you have such beautiful art!! and it makes me smile every single time i see it on my dashboard!!

some more people i love to see on my dash and whose posts i pretty much adore reading regardless of the topic: @hellofanidea @lewis-winters @jenkil @almost-a-class-act you guys itch a certain spot in my brain with your meta and headcanons that i really dig!

@cody-helix02 @mads-weasley @heystovepipeboys too, i love seeing your posts and i always feel happy seeing you guys pop up in my activity notifications!!

honestly, all of my mutuals are really special to me. if you're a mutual of mine, or even if we just talk on posts outside of following each other, please consider yourself loved and appreciated!

#why do i get scared @ing people with compliments in case they're like “we're not even close go away u weirdo”#anyway my mutuals are amazing i love you all seriously #i would have said more and tagged more people but i'm a shy guy ok i'm like “what if my friends hate me actually”#anyway time to shut up #julian's inbox #mutuals

24 notes · View notes

myfairkatiecat · 11 months ago

Text

20 Questions for Writers

Thanks for the tag @fanfictasia!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

51 under my current account, though floating around AO3 are the fics I left up when I deleted my old account in a fit of rage (don’t ask 😅). So, 51 plus twenty or so under no name.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

208,386!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I’m in a lot more fandoms than I’ve published writing for so I actually had to check AO3 to remind myself what I actually write fics for 😂 I have the most fics for Star Wars, though I currently mainly write for The Mysterious Benedict Society and BBC Merlin. I also had a brief Miraculous phase and a few scattered fics from random fandoms.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Rebel Pilot (Star Wars) - Anakin Skywalker finds himself suddenly and inexplicably in a cell with Princess Leia Organa on the first Death Star. When he realizes he’s in the future, chaos ensues, revelations are made, and Luke is the ray of sunshine that keeps them all together. (Oh, and there’s a Skywalker family road trip to kill the emperor and save the galaxy)

2. Viral (Star Wars) - thirteen-year-old Anakin runs a Space Tik Tok account in which he films Obi-Wan doing random things and posts it. Obi-Wan has no idea who is running this horrible fan account.

3. This Part Was Not Foretold (Merlin) - Upon seeing Merlin doing magic, Arthur comes to the conclusion that his friend has been possessed by an evil sorcerer who must be stopped.

4. Jealousy, Jealousy (Miraculous) - Adrien, in an attempt to make Lila as jealous as Marinette as possible, blurts out that they are dating. They are not dating. (But maybe they soon will be 👀) (also SERIOUSLY there’s a miraculous fic in my top five? That was like. My most embarrassing hyperfixation ever. Can we just forget that happened??)

5. Pen Pals Across Time (Star Wars) - Ahsoka convinces Anakin and Obi-Wan to write letters to their future selves. You know, as an exercise. But then the Force sends the letters. Chaos ensues.

Well, this was a real reminder that I did not always peacefully exist within the quaint, whimsical, slightly chaotic fandom that is The Mysterious Benedict Society. For this game, I have ventured beyond the secure perimeter. But as an honorable mention, this is my most popular TMBS fic by kudos:

The Two Mr. Benedicts - Constance uses naming confusion regarding Mr. Benedict and his redeemed twin brother to be a chaotic little gremlin.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always! I want them to know I appreciate that they took the time to let me know they enjoyed my work, as this motivates me to write more in the future. Sometimes I may take a slight while, but I always do it!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I almost ALWAYS give my angst happy endings. I was only able to find a SINGULAR FIC with an angsty ending out of all my fics! Our Forgotten Bond is a Star Wars fic about Anakin being brainwashed into attacking Ahsoka and only remembering who he is after he killed her. Yeah. Ouch. I only wrote it because of Angstpril that year okay 😭

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them? Even my angst tends to end happy. Half my fics are just crack so whether the ending is happy is irrelevant. Most of my fics have satisfying endings 😅 I can’t pick one!

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

People used to give me annoyingly critical analyses on my Merlin fics, which I deleted bc they weren’t worth my time. But especially since I’ve been mainly in the TMBS fandom, everyone’s been super supportive!

9. Do you write smut?

Nope. G and T ratings only around here!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes, but all of mine are WIPs right now with varyingly recent updates 😅

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, someone offered to translate Revel Pilot into a language. I cannot remember what language and when I look at its name in the characters of the original I can’t read it and I don’t want to guess and be wrong and offensive so. A Language

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I used to do writing circles on discord where we’d take turns writing portions of the story, so if that counts, then yes! You can tell which ones they are on AO3 because they have a ton of authors lol.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Yikes. Anidala, I believe. Or perhaps Percabeth. Huge sokeefe shipper. Jorgen/Spensa heals me. This question hurts me.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Anidala cutting edge AU. I just wish someone else would write it 😭 I love it but cannot create it right now or possibly ever.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, and when I put thought into it, prose. I’m good at character introspection and understanding of their relationships. Also, humor—I can make fics hilarious way easier than I can make them touching. (Yes, I think I’m funny. No, I don’t care if you disagree 😂)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes and planning of long plot lines. Also, keeping a serious fic from devolving into crack.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I’m comfortable doing it in Spanish bc I know it, I feel anxious when using google translate for other languages, and as far as fictional languages go (such as Mando’a in SW fics or the language of the Old Religion in Merlin fics) I just copy and paste things from the internet!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Bet you think the answer is going to be Star Wars, huh? Nope. Keeper of the Lost Cities. When I was ten. On Wattpad. Don’t go looking for it.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

AH NO DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. I’m a particular fan of Rewriting Destiny (my Star Wars/Merlin crossover), Things my heart still needs to know (my Newsies/Anastasia crossover), and Holding On to You (one of my many TMBS Benedict Twins fics!)

This was fun! No pressure tagging: @nobodysdaydreams @sophieswundergarten @phtalogreenpoison @heyitsthatonesmolgay @any avid fic writer who wants to jump on in!

#tag game

13 notes · View notes

raccoon-eyed-rebel · 1 year ago

Note

✨If you get this, someone thinks you are awesome!✨

✨Send this anon to 10 blogs that make you happy when you see them on your dash ✨

Hi anon, anon, anon, anon, anon, and anon. I hope you'll forgive me that I'm just gonna answer this once - but with a li'l twist!

I love that people took time out of their lives to tell me they think I'm awesome; I think they're all awesome, too! Now instead of answering this six times and then sending this on to 10 people anonymously... I'm gonna call out the people I was gonna send this to publicly! With a little bonus...

It has to be @geralts-yenn! I couldn't call myself her rodent bestie if I didn't have this number 1 spot reserved for her. Now, first this bitch wonderful person writes me Ray of Sunshine, a modern-day Melot AU wet dream filled with bikers and beaches and sex, but she also hit us with anahita - a Napoleon smutfic so hot you'll be sweating like a whore in church before you're even through the first paragraph. Go read that. You're welcome.

Next, we've got my co-Dutchie @keanureevesisbae, who is busy with her own projects instead of fanfics nowadays. Still: Go read endeavors and thank me later. Or, if you're into a little RPF and want to live life vicariously through sugarbaby Becky there's also sugar sugar, which is very nice as well... (I just want a man to come take me shopping, okay?)

@deandoesthingstome is an amazing writer, I am often jealous of her way with words, and she is one of the kindest people I know on here. Go read Holiday Angel. It has everything. A luxurious mansion to mentally vacay in for a bit, gentle!Dom!August, forbidden fruit romance. It's a long one, but so, so worth it... Another good one? Why, of course! Hall Pass. Just read it. She also deserves a shoutout to being one of the most supportive readers in this entire fandom

They haven't been on here long, but my tumblrverse would already be so incomplete without @ellethespaceunicorn! Not only did they write Treat Me Like A Slut, which has August just the way we like him; dominant and deep inside you, they also found it necessary to write Make That Kitty Purr. And I agree. It was necessary. Nevermind that my babyboy Mikey gets hurt, I'll forgive Elle for that because this shit was so fucking good.

Next up we've got @peyton-warren, who only recently returned from a little Tumblr hiatus, and I thus haven't spoken that much just yet, but the drabble Arresting and Arrested should be enough to get you to take a look at the rest of her masterlist.

Go check out @mayloma, creator of Behind The Curtain, which has a lovely August and some anal action - which means I'm always game! She's also very sweet. I know I haven't read much of her stuff, but if I ever get my act together and get reading again, Yenn assured me there's some Sy to check out here.

It's no secret I don't particularly like my Sy's in the military, which makes it all the more impressive that @sillyrabbit81 wrote one that I did fall head over heels in love with! He's in Even if you don't mean it, and if you haven't read that, go do it now. And I do mean that. Then, perhaps my all-time favorite fic so far has to be The Fallen Wolves Brotherhood. Maybe I should elaborate on that, probably, but instead I'm just gonna say: Bikers. Proceed with caution, because when that next chapter hits, you're gonna have to pause Criminal Minds. I'm also going to leave the link to Prying here, because it's so fucking dirty it melts my brain a little every time I re-read it.

Now, we all love seeing @angryschnauzer on our dashes, keeping things horny on main and yeeting the occasional fic into the dark void that is this hellsite. For instance Cuddles and Snuggles, an unholy combination of Mike and Charles - something that had never even crossed my mind - and a guest appearance from sugardaddy August. Mad perfection. Now my next rec for her may be a little odd, because she makes it very clear that it's a crack fic; Full Mast. I'm a sucker for everything pirate - and so is reader... just check out Part 2...

@poledancingdinos amazed me with You've got me hooked, which has stripping and sex work and Sy, who is great. I think I read this entire (or almost entire?) series in a single night while I was in bed. Couldn't stop... She's also responsible for Soundtrack of Debauchery, which I still haven't finished, because my ADHD has been a bitch, but I started it, and it was very good!!!

#10

And last but not least: @littlefreya. I'm fairly sure there are still things on her massive masterlist I haven't read, and a lot of which I read in my pre- and early fandom tumblr days, and haven't reblogged (for which I apologize, by the way). The sheer vastness of her masterlist makes it a bit tricky to pick, but let's go for some delightful dark fics; The Devil's Tongue and Destroyer of Angels

SO: The challenge. If you're on this list (or if you're not on this list, this is an open invitation to everyone!) rec some fics! Write an essay, like this one, or don't. Toss a few names and some titles in a list and be done with it, that's fine. Recommend one, or ten, or twenty authors. Hell; Recommend yourself! Recommend your favorite artist, link some art! Spread the love!

#anon ask #anon positivity #spread the love #fandom is community #I woke up with an unexpected amount of energy today #fic rec #not mine #author rec list

17 notes · View notes

vv0lta · 1 year ago

Text

Whump Month: Day 3, Infirmary

Once again, I am here with my stream of consciousness bullcrap and an OC (Close, a sleep ghoul, Papa doesn't refer to her by name) you've never seen before that stems from lore I haven't explained. Nor has this been beta'd, and it's late again. But here you go! It is here! Thank you so much to @cryptickidney for further prompting me on what I should write for this one (also credit to it for Beau who was mentioned in Day 2's fic, I forgot to tag you sorry boo <3). As always this is for @cirrus-ghoulette’s Whump Month, go check out everyone else's tasty tasty whump while you're at it. Relationship: Implied Secondo/OC Summary: Secondo is having an awful pain day, and pushes away the only person trying to help. Word Count: 1,599 (shorter than usual, my sincerest apologies.) Rating: Gen

“Papa.”

The voice from beside him shot needles into his mind, digging them deeper as the soothing blackness of his eyelids shone brightly red at the sound of curtains being torn open. He mustered a groan, guttural at the back of his throat that implied a warning no words could detail.

“Papa, you have been in bed all day,” the voice spoke again, insistent, but quieter - so graciously quiet, he could listen to her all day. “You have more than just myself worried.”

If the mere thought of turning over to face her didn’t make his entire body tense, he might’ve done so to make a point, but as it stands (which he very much refused to do, anything but horizontal at that moment in time would’ve certainly been agony) he could do little more than crack a single eye open, glaring pointedly at her golden visage from behind crusted lashes. She was difficult to look at on most days, simply existing too brightly for him to look directly at her - he was half of the mind to demand Sunshine relinquish her name, but that ghoul was impossible to demand anything of - but standing there in the direct sunlight, the rays caressing each lock and curl of her hair, painting her in the warmth of the outside that he’d so vehemently hidden himself from, it made her impossible to focus on without a searing pain burning behind his eye.

But all the same, he smiled. She had the ability to do that, get him to smile, just as she had the ability to knock him clean out on his worst nights by simply being present. Just as she had the ability to convince him to do almost anything.

Almost being the key word.

“I am not moving, dormita,” Secondo protested, closing his eye once more as if to say that the conversation was finished before it had begun. “Not a soul is worried for me, you just wish they were.”

He noted her exhale, that same stubborn ‘I’m not done with you’ noise that usually accompanied an indignant arm-cross, and a swish of her tail. And he wondered when he had allowed himself to become so familiar with someone other than himself, when he had begun noticing the little details that didn’t even require him his sight to observe. Or more accurately, he began to wonder when he had become his brother. His brother who did not attach himself to many, but gave attention equally in spite of it, who never missed a detail about a person no matter how little time was spent with them. Who didn’t worry, per se, but would’ve noticed his absence, and was almost certainly the one to mention it. It almost amused him, the way he and his brothers would scorn one another, were known for bickering, and yet when it came down to it, they were still brothers at the end of the day.

Or if not his brother, then the Cardinal perhaps - Copia, the little thing that had more than lived up to his name in the past few years, absorbing traits and quirks from all those around him, including (if, infuriatingly) Primo’s observancy. The Cardinal was particular about knowing the whereabouts of people within the Ministry, it was a strange habit that (once again, Secondo noticed his own habit of noticing, and scowled inwardly at himself) he had taken up, knocking on closed doors just to know who was there. And he had a strange knock, too, a ‘rat-at-at’ followed by a ‘tat’ that betrayed him immediately, and was likely something Secondo had missed hearing earlier in the day - or was it yesterday by now? - that had set the Cardinal on edge. Yes, if it were not Primo that had sent his sonno to his aide then it was surely the Cardinal. “Alpha worries for you,” she said matter-of-factly, and the bed dipped beside him. “He asked me eight separate times at supper - last night, by the way - if you were taking visitors.”

If he had the energy to scoff, he would’ve, in favour though he mumbled, “Taking visitors, you speak as though I am gravely ill.”

Which didn’t feel far from the truth, not with how he shied away from the light that still poured through the open curtains, and the heat that rolled in from the window had immediately clung to him, sheening his forehead and making the bedclothes feel oppressive and heavy. Or with how the single, simple act of turning his head made his brain pulse in his skull, threatening to burst forth through flesh and bone to finally free itself.

Quite frankly, he felt like steaming shit.

But it wasn’t something he’d readily admit aloud, let alone to himself. He told himself when he could, when he had the wherewithal to reassure himself rather than giving into his own cynicism, that he was better than this, that this wasn’t normal for him and that he was simply having a worse day than the last. That normally, on a skin-prickling, sunglasses-worthy day he would pick himself up out of bed fuelled by sheer pride and would get on with life, business as usual, even if that self-assuring lie rarely made it past his mind-gritted teeth, and even more than if he ever believed it.

Worse and worse days were happening, as of late, and as much as the lie could do for him, he couldn’t deny that he’d been giving in. Spending days upon days nestled into his bed with the curtains all but sewn closed and the door bolted (begging the question of how in Hell did she let herself in, but only begging the question when one could be bothered to get on their knees) rotting in his skin because what else better was there to do? Existence was agony, and company was excruciating. Because at least decomposing alone in the dark he could pretend to be the only person (semi) alive, with no responsibilities he was shirking and not a soul he was disappointing by refusing to get up and live. But the mere presence of another soul, of the ghoul sat on the bed’s edge beside him where he knew she had her hands hovering, waiting for instruction or permission to do anything for him, made him feel like the worst sinner to walk the earth bare-footed. Because how dare he do only what he could manage to do when everyone else was out there, and living, and pulling his weight when he dropped the slack because he was just too weak to push through.

Fuck. How he hated himself.

“I do think that it may be of some benefit for you to visit the infirmary?” She suggested, though the way her voice lilted seemed to morph the suggestion into a request.

That lit the fire beneath him, though. “No. Absolutely not.” Because wouldn’t that just be the final nail in his coffin? Admission of weakness, of inability, of laziness. He couldn’t bear the thought of baring himself, body and soul to the eyes of someone who would only see him as a failure, as a decrepit, deteriorating old fool. No, he couldn’t allow it. In fact, why was he allowing her to see him in such a state? Why should she witness him, laid vulnerable? What right did she have? “But, Papa-”

“Why are you still here?” He snapped, eyes shooting open and redirecting the missile-needles from his retinas into her. “I told you no.”

Her brows drew together, a penny-drop shift in expression that had her tail fall low to the ground, “I only thought it best that-”

“Then it would be best you didn’t think, from now on,” he growled, leaning up into her face, never tearing his eyes from hers. “Thoughts and ideas are for us to have, and ghouls to receive, do you understand?”

She was frozen, for just a moment, not a single hair shifting as if she’d been petrified.

“Do you understand?” Papa hissed, louder, but not quite to the threshold of yelling, but it was enough to jolt her into action, frantically nodding her reply. “Then leave me.”

She was gone as quickly as she’d arrived, the heart-shaped paddle at the end of her tail disappearing last through the crack in the door before it was clicked quietly closed behind her. And Secondo was able to let out a breath that he hadn’t realised he’d trapped in his chest. The moment his eyes slipped closed once more, laying back down into the comfort of his pillows he felt guilt bloom in his throat. But as much as he wished to pen an apology, composing his thoughts as cohesively as he could to explain himself to her, his head just wouldn’t let him.

It blared at him for even daring to move, expanding and contracting, he could hear the way his blood gushed in his ears, sloshing around his brain and it was nauseating enough that he daren’t think. He focused instead on the soft feeling of the sheets beneath his hands, and the cool air on his legs where the covers had ridden up. Sensations that didn’t overwhelm him with the urge to vacate his skin, ones that kept him present and distracted as best he could from the entrappings of his pain-addled mind. It wouldn’t let him sleep, not without intervention that he’d just scared away, but at the very least it would let him rest.

And perhaps…perhaps tomorrow, if he was no better, he would consider making the trek to the infirmary.

#ghost band #ghost fanfiction #ghost bc #papa emeritus ii #papa secondo #secondo #ghost oc #ghoul oc #nameless ghoul oc #whump month #chronically ill secondo #copia #primo #cardinal copia #papa primo #angst #hurt/no comfort

16 notes · View notes

chidoroki · 2 years ago

Text

182 Days of TPN - Day 13

Chapter 13: “Traitor, Part 3”

Yes yes, bravo Norman. Very clever plan that would’ve fooled me as well, though I’m surprised Ray didn’t at least go check the first two locations, but I suppose he was just feeling that confident.

Of course it’s an unfair advantage to the anime for how it handled Ray’s laugh, since we can actually hear him (& i very much prefer said laugh in dub), but also because it’s just a better shot of his madness. The panel doesn’t show us much.

I know I always give credit to Isabella for raising such high grade merchandise (& yes i still hate how that sounds too) but is it fair for me to praise Ray as well? Surely he helped behind the scenes (if only just a tiny bit) in very casual and unsuspecting ways to both mom and the children, and I mean that like not only helping Emma & Norman slowly realize the secrets of the farm but perhaps assist with the other kids by improving their scores and their daily lives.

Sure he put all his efforts to just help Emma & Norman but we now know from ch181.5 that his initial plan was to save everyone. And granted, he’s the reason for some shipments due to tests involving breaking trackers, but he’s doing his best okay?

You dunno how badly I wished they would’ve had Ray just say “Yeah” again. I know it wouldn’t be true if he answered that way, but it would be funny. To me.

Alright, please have mercy on me Norman fans, but I think I finally realized the reason I’m not the biggest fan of your precious genius.. and that is because he was so ready to just use Ray and leave him behind. Ray. One of his very best friends. The boy who has been living in a hellish reality for the past six years, doing everything he possibly can in order to give Norman & Emma a chance to escape and survive at the cost of his own life. And Norman just decides.. nah, thanks but no thanks, traitor, we don’t actually need you.. like excuse me?

There’s many characters in this series who are ready to sacrifice everything (i.e. their own lives.. or memories) for the sake of others and then there’s Norman here who’s willing to sacrifice someone else (who he is very close to) for his own benefit. Yes I know Isabella basically does the same thing by raising the children to be essentially perfect meals in order protect her own life, but it just.. feels different to me. Probably because the latter is written as a fabulous villain who we’re supposed to dislike and the former is one of our main heroes we’re supposed to root for? But how can I cheer for him when said hero is trying to abandon another hero of the story? Granted, Norman didn’t know Ray was working as a double agent at first, but the fact he was so willing to ditch Ray at the drop of a hat just never sat well with me. But thank god for his chat with our literal sunshine child with a heart of gold before this scene even took place:

“I’d take that person with us. Because if we escape, that person’s life might not be guaranteed anymore. Also.. I want to believe in us. The thing with Gilda made me realize that. Ray told me to suspect everyone. And if he says that I couldn’t see through mom’s lies, I don’t have a comeback. But even if there is a traitor who is an agent of the demons, there’s no one among our siblings who is truly bad...(continued below)”

If it wasn’t for Emma and her optimism and devotion to her family, I firmly believe Norman would’ve kept quiet to use Ray and eventually abandon him, if given the chance. So thank you best girl for saving my boy’s life way before the escape even happened.

This cute flashback conflicts with the anime as ep1 did have Conny carry Little Bunny to the front door (it disappears after, somewhere), but the manga doesn’t show the stuffed animal in her hands at all, so this little memory makes sense in the manga’s case.

I believe this conversation happens somewhere during the events of chapters 10 & 11, between more tag practice and the library meetup with Don & Gilda, as we do see her carry a kid around in ep4 at least.

Favorite panel/moment:

He just looks so.. chill and unbothered, despite the situation. Ray’s just real intrigued that Norman figured him out so efficiently.

#the promised neverland #tpn manga #182daysoftpn #chidoroki used chatter

10 notes · View notes

lifeofkaze · 2 years ago

Text

Ready, Set, Race

Merry Christmas to @flareshogwarts, my darling little Toffifee, the ray of sunshine of our group, the one that goes above and beyond to make all of us smile on a daily basis.

Thank you for screaming YES when I pitch some wild ideas to you (Hamilton anyone?), for letting me be part of your creative journey, and for being my outlet when the old gaming excitement rises again.

Frohe Weihnachten, FlareBear! Ich freu mich so hart auf nächstes Jahr! 🎄✨

A/N: OCs featured and mentioned belong to @samshogwarts @whatwouldvalerydo @kc-and-co @the-al-chemist and @that-scouse-wizard

“Have I told you lately that I love you?”

Dylan and Dana exchanged glances as Reva slumped into a seat at their library table.

“What do you want?”

“Can’t I express my affection for my two favourite people in this world without there being an ulterior motive to it?” Reva pursed her lips innocently. “But since you’re asking… you’re friends with Phil, aren’t you?”

“Here we go,” Dylan muttered while Dana raised her eyebrows.

“So are you.”

“But Dylan is really, really good friends with him. And you…” Reva shrugged. “You’re friends with everyone.”

“Spit it out,” said Dylan, already rubbing his eyes in exasperation. “What have you done?”

“So there’s this thing Phil has been getting excited about. You know, this Christmas thing,” Reva waved her hand impatiently. “It was supposed to be some Secret Santa event, or something, for all the Quidditch teams together. As if I wanted to exchange gifts with a Slytherin,” she added with a snort.

“According to Scarlett, you’ve been exchanging a little more than gifts with one recently,” muttered Dana, quickly falling silent when Dylan raised his brows at her.

“Anyway,” Reva hurriedly continued, “Robin and I got curious about what he had in store, so we nicked his list with names from him. We sat and read it in the changing room after practice, but Rory ran off with some Ravenclaw girl and we wanted to see who it was, so…”

“Let me guess,” Dylan sighed deeply. “You forgot the list and someone from another team found it. Does Phil know about this?”

As if to answer his question, the doors to the library burst open and in stormed Phil Baker. He headed straight for Dylan’s and Dana’s table, leaving Reva just enough time to jump behind an adjacent shelf.

“Where is she?” Phil called out, his face screaming murder. “I know you know where she is.”

“If you mean Reva -” Dylan began but stopped himself when Dana kicked him underneath the table.

“We haven’t seen Reva all day,” Dana said sweetly. “Is anything the matter?”

“She went and ninja-looted my Christmas surprise. Looted, I tell you! It’s the worst breach of GTCs ever! She’s a grinch, is Reva. A grinch who stole my Christmas!”

“That’s awful,” Dana said, her eyes expressing sympathy. “Have you checked with Zadie?”

Phil blinked. “Uhm, no, I haven’t.”

“Chances are good that she’s with her.”

“Will you send me a notif if she spawns in the meantime?”

“Uh, sure thing, will do.”

When Phil had gone, Reva emerged from her hiding place, grinning broadly. “Perfect acting, Dana. Thanks.”

Dana didn’t seem to share Reva’s good mood. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “How do you plan to sort this mess?”

Reva shuffled her feet. “I was hoping that -”

“No,” Dylan immediately said.

“But -”

“He is right,” said Dana. “You can’t just ruin Phil’s hard work and then expect us to clean up after you.”

“Robin and I never meant to ruin it!”

“You shouldn’t have tinkered with it, then.”

“That’s unfair!”

“Miss Amari,” came the voice of Madam Pince as she passed their table with a stack of books floating behind her, “this is a place for studying, not shouting.”

“Madam Pince? Is that someone reading the notebook on your desk?”

The old librarian paled and rushed back to where she had come from. When she found her desk to be deserted, she turned to Reva with a glare.

“Five points from Gryffindor!”

“You mustn’t shout, Madam Pince. This is a place for studying.” Reva turned to Dana with a frown. “She can’t actually deduct house points, can she?”

“No, but I can, and will if you don’t learn to behave yourself,” Dana replied darkly. “You keep riling people up for fun and expect there to be no consequences.” She purposefully looked back down at her book. “You’ll have to find out how to make things up to Phil alone.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?”

“I don’t know. How about you apologise for a start?”

Reva snorted. “He’d obliterate me where I stand.”

“Then do something nice for him first.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Reva…”

“No, I’m serious. What does someone like Phil enjoy?”

“He enjoys a lot of things.”

“Like?”

“Like…” Dana frowned. “Yeah, like what?”

The eyes of both girls went to Dylan. He sighed. “He’s been into something called Mario’s Cars lately.”

“Mario’s Cars? What’s Mario’s Cars?”

“And who is Mario?”

Dylan shrugged. “Do I look like I know?”

“And how do I find out now?” The look in Reva’s eyes was pleading as she turned back to Dana. “I know what cars are, but not who this Mario bloke is and what makes his cars so special.”

Despite herself, Dana tapped her pursed lips with her finger. “Scarlett might know.”

Dylan looked sceptical. “Why would she?”

“Well, because… oh, never mind,” Dana hurried to reply, colour rising to her cheeks. “I’ll go and see what she thinks. Maybe she can wiggle something out of Phil. Information, I mean,” she added hastily, slamming her book shut and leaving with a burning red face.

***

It took Dana a lot of coaxing, prodding, and the promise to sneak some of her mother’s modified Pepper-Up Potions against hangovers back to school, but eventually, Scarlett had agreed to help them.

Reva’s eyebrows rose higher and higher when Scarlett provided her with a detailed explanation of what she had pieced together from Phil’s ramblings, but her confusion soon turned into determination.

Cars, obstacles, and throwing stuff at other people? That was something she could work with.

Shortly before their Christmas break, Reva’s surprise for Phil was finally ready. Barely able to hide her excitement, she waited for him by the entrance of the Great Hall, bobbing up and down with impatience.

“You really think this is a good idea?” her best friend Zadie asked for the fourth time. “I’m not sure about this, Reva.”

“Don’t be such a Diricrawl, Zadie,” Robin rolled her eyes. “This is going to be great.”

“Exactly,” Reva agreed, craning her head to see where Rory and Lachlan were eating with Phil. “I don’t see what could possibly go wrong.”

“If you’re asking like this,” Victoire Weasley, the fourth girl waiting by the door with them, began, but she was immediately hushed when the three boys rose from the Gryffindor table.

“They’re coming. Get into position.”

The four girls hopped behind the suits of armour flanking the double doors. As soon as Rory, Lachlan and Phil came into view, Reva and Robin jumped from their hiding places. Robin, who was almost the same height as Phil, pulled a bag over his head while Reva slung her arms around his midsection to keep him from fighting.

“This is an abduction,” she laughed, holding on tighter as Phil tried to break free. “You will now be escorted to your Christmas surprise.”

“What has glitched in your head?” came Phil’s muffled voice from underneath the bag. “Did you sleep through patch day, or what?”

All Reva had to spare him was a giggle as they marched the incapacitated Phil to a side entrance. After a short but stumbly walk across the frozen grounds, Reva undid the knot on the drawstring securing the bag on Phil’s head.

“Three, two, one… Merry Christmas!”

Her shout was repeated by several voices as the bag was pulled away and Phil blinked into the sunlight.

“What in the name of Oblivion is this?”

“This,” Reva said proudly, “is a racing course.”

She gestured at the curvy trail they had set up on the grass, its winding bends and loops stretching over the terrain before them. Parts of the course were laid out with wooden tiles with arrows painted on them, as well as little bumps and sconces. Right in front of them, a black-and-white chequered line ran across the ground. A wild assortment of vehicles had been set up there - tiny cars that looked like they were meant for Muggle children; small bikes with or without passenger seats; and two skateboards that could only belong to Dylan and Reva.

“How do you like it?”

“Intelligence boost dispelled, stat drop to 40 %,” was all Phil could stutter as he took in the scene. “What is this?”

“This is my apology -”

“Our apology!” Robin called from the refreshment table.

“- our apology for ruining your Secret Santa game. Look,” Reva said and pulled Phil by the elbow, “we have the cars and the race track, and we even got the bananas and the fake turtle shells, even though I don’t know what they have to do with everything. I wanted to make some farb bombs, too, but Dana said no.”

“I don’t understand.”

“No, me neither. They would have been the cherry on top.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Phil shook his head.

“Well, Dylan said you liked Mario’s Cars. We wanted to do something nice for you, so here we are.”

A look of understanding formed on Phil’s face. “Do you perhaps mean Mario Kart?”

“That’s what I said.”

Phil opened his mouth to correct her but was silenced when Scarlett stood next to him, pressing a silver flask into his hand.

“What’s that?”

“For speed.”

Phil sniffed the flask sceptically. “I suppose my chances at rolling energy are about zero.” It was only now that he noticed the costume Scarlett was wearing - green dungarees and a matching hat on her black locks. A bubbly laugh escaped him. “Are you dressing up as Luigi?”

“I’m dressing up as ‘drink this and shut up or else you’re going to regret it’, Baker,” Scarlett hissed, raising the flask to his lips before passing it to Reva and lastly taking a big swig herself. “What now, can we start this thing? It’s time you eat my dust.”

“In a second,” Reva said and rummaged through the pockets of her own costume. “We have the cars, but we still need our Mario.”

Before Phil could object, she had pulled out a big fake moustache and stuck it onto his face. With a flick of her wand, his clothes changed to red dungarees matching Scarlett’s green ones, while Robin pushed a red cap onto his head from behind.

They were about to turn away and claim their vehicles when Phil suddenly cried, “Stop!”

Confused, everybody turned to him. With a broad grin on his face, Phil drew his wand.

“Not without protective measures. Mario Kart is a vicious affair.”

He waved his wand through the air, conjuring big, fluffy pillows that tied themselves to the front and back of every race participant. Almost incapable of moving, Phil waddled to the passenger seat of the bike Scarlett had chosen, picking up a banana and a red turtle shell from the props table on the way.

“Alright, everyone. You have no idea what you’re in for.”

He lowered himself into his seat as best as he could and pulled his hat deeper into his face.

“On my signal. Ready, set… race!”

#hpma #magic awakened #next gen kids #phil baker #reva amari #christmas 2022 #merry christmas flarebear

18 notes · View notes

wildelydawn · 2 years ago

Note

I'm waiting for your bittersweet chocolate 90% . Will you update it? Or are you leaving it? Please answer this.🥺

Hello there! Thank you for checking in about Bittersweet Chocolate, 90%. I am not leaving it, but I am not sure when I will update it.

I don't talk about myself a lot on this blog, and I know you're not really asking about me, and perhaps the following will be way too much information and will make you and other feels really uncomfortable, but since a few people have asked about BSC90, I just want to clarify a few things.

tl;dr: I'm sad. I'll start writing and updating again soon.

I have very severe depression. And I do mean severe: the kind that where I don't get out of bed for anything, the kind that leaves my hair uncombed and unwashed for days, the kind that destroys any creative ray of sunshine in my life, the kind that worries people IRL. I zone out for hours. I have no concept of time when I do zone out. I get up out of bed when I have to, physically go to work, and immediately come back to bed when I am home. I open up my phone, muster the strength to reply to a few people, then go to Google Docs, and stare at an empty document until my phone locks. I fall asleep and repeat that cycle over and over and over again. I don't leave my apartment for anything besides work; last week was the first time I left my house in months and that was by sheer force (bless my partner for that) and I have no plans on leaving my apartment again because I simply have no will to do so. If it wasn't for my cat, I would absolutely never leave my bed. If I could, I would, and want to, just rot away in bed, and talk to no one. And I am sure many people who talk to me on here, Discord, etc. have noticed that I am taking longer and longer to reply. (In fact, I am neglecting to respond to The Woman right now, and she is someone I prioritize, always.) I could go on and on about how heavy this illness and its roots dig into me and weigh me down, and usually, I have a handle on it, and for the most part, I did! This last year These last six months have been really terrible in terms of IRL stuff, but writing, whether it's creative, or journaling, or academic, has always helped. It's always been my escape.

So you can imagine why I felt incredibly lucky to come across KinnPorsche: the Series because it does spark a lot of creativity in me. I can't believe I've written 200K words for a single fandom, let alone 150k+ words on KimChay. I spent May through November using KP and other media and writing fics to navigate my depression. I spent the last few weeks developing what I would call close friendships with people when earlier this year, I had no one to talk to. Hell, I have all the inspiration at my finger tips. I literally have projects in development with really amazing artists on here. People send me prompts and ideas and I watch my list grow and I think of how lucky I must be to be inspired. I made friends with people on Twitter. Twitter! And it's winter time, my favorite season, and I'm looking forward to the snow, the walks in cold air, my trench coats and sweater vests. And I've been updating YLTTL (which is a finished fic, but still need heavy editing.) According to the math, I should be good; I should be in a place where I can write BSC90 and update. And I should be happy.

But I am not. Right now, I am in a really bad place, and if I have the will to write, it comes in flashes that dim out rather quickly. I am frustrated. I am exercising immense self control when the urge to delete everything I've ever written and run away overtakes my head. I write things, and I delete them because nothing feels good anymore. Nothing I write feels good enough to post either. And I've never written for anyone: as in, I write for me and my health, even though BSC90 is literally for someone. But it really sucks when your own brain is telling you, "Hey! Everyone's lying to you! You're not really a good writer, and if you were, you would push past all these terrible feelings and write like you always do." And I do that often, but that methodology is not working right now because of the severity of my feelings.

Now, I am not saying that this is anyone's fault or that you or anyone who asks about my fics is a bad person or anything. I promise you that's not where I am coming from. I promise you that I appreciate every reader I have, including you. I promise you my intention with this response isn't to make you or anyone feel bad or to solicit pity or sympathy. But I do need to say something because:

1) I think people deserve honesty, no matter what.

2) I've given the "Haha I've just been really busy!" excuse over the last month and that hasn't been enough and

3) I'm beginning to feel like I'm letting people down, which I know really isn't the case, but my flickering brain is trying to convince me that I am, and my chest tells me the same thing.

I promise when I come back, Chapter 6 of BSC90 will be, I hope, worth the wait. And that despite everything I've written here, I do appreciate you asking about the story and I appreciate your patience. So please don't feel bad or some type of way if you (or anyone else) is reading this. I just want to be honest.

Thank you for reading. 🖤

#personal #BSC90 #this is about depression #ask #answered

9 notes · View notes

miguenhasthoughts · 7 months ago

Text

05/03

The sun is bright. Its rays cascade on this once fragile skin. It bathes all that it touches with a warmth that would be overbearing if not for a cool spring breeze. Time is still and gives you time to breathe. Time to appreciate all the colors that live on this world. All the colors of a rainbow. Vibrant in the sunshine. My heart is warm. It is peaceful.

I think daily isn’t in the cards anymore. It feels more like a weekly diary. It is more so that I forget than anything else. I guess it could be that the depression is seceding a bit.

Turns out when you people who are competent at their job things fall less on my shoulders and I am able to relax and be successful at my job. What a shocker. The new people are learning so quick and take an initiative. What a concept. With that and actually getting the drugs that I’ve always needed. I’m actually in such a better spot than I’ve ever been last year.

I bought femme clothes and wore them out on a date! It was the most skin I’ve ever shown in public. My heart was out my chest. I kept telling myself I was passing enough. I have boobs, my figure hour glassy! My make up and hair were on point. I kept telling myself that, not to say going out while not passing is bad at all. Everyone should be treated validly no matter how they look. However the world is cruel and going out the first time all dolled up made me incredibly nervous and passing would make that easier unfortunately. If people gave us dirty looks, I didn’t notice and no one said anything. So to me, mission accomplished. One day down for the rest of my life 😤

Thank god May was so cool about it. I was worried about going out with a cis girl. I have not done that in a long while. She was supportive of me being femme. She even helped me with my outfit. We really hit it off. We ate fruit in the park and talked a lot. It felt like they could go on for hours about whatever topic. I really appreciated that. She was so pretty too. She wore really colorful eyeshadow and a flower crown. She was a hippie through and through. I went rollerblading after. I kept falling on my ass 😂 she was super nice about it tho. She kept holding my hand to keep me balanced. Made me blush. I really related with her life experiences and it was endearing how strong of a person she was.

It was also affirming when they fondled my tits while we made out 🤭😳🫣

I have another date with someone else next week but it was nice actually connecting with someone. I feel like there has been such a hard time meeting people I have that chemistry with so I’m glad this was a good time and we are trying to watch anime sometime lol

As far as Micah… I don’t know what talking to them would look like. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’d love to still talk to them. Yet I don’t think things would be the same unfortunately. I am missing them less and less. I stopped checking the mailbox to see if the written back. If they do they do. I honestly noticed today that it had actually been a few days that I haven’t thought about them. As always I do wish them well. I do want them to genuinely be happy.

I guess to end this on a negative note. These last couple days is the first in a while where I felt the effects of not eating. Almost I was in autopilot mode within a vessel too weak to function or think properly. I always try to eat just enough. I guess half a sandwhich and a couple bites of fruit wasn’t enough. I made it a point to force myself to eat more than I’d had liked because I don’t want to hurt myself. Tbf it still wasn’t a lot but it was more than I’ve ate all week. I don’t know how to stop…

#diary entry #recovery #05/03 #my diary #transgender #tw: ed #break up #gender dysphoria #polyamory #cute dates #fell on my ass #I do feel better.#gender affirming day.#you don’t have to pass to be valid.

0 notes

fern-writes-whump · 1 year ago

Note

Hi Fern! I'd like to request ✨ 😈 ⛓️ 🦷 from that ask game, please! :)

@starliight-whump

Hiii <3

✨Which OC is your most specialest ever?

I can't say Theo or it'll be too obvious he's my favourite so I'll go with Kieran <3 He's a demigod and unnaturally lucky, he's a walking ray of sunshine and I love him so so much!! He's the best and everyone should cheer and clap for him because he's doing a great job !!

😈 What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to an OC?

this one I already answered here <3

⛓️Which whumpee has been tortured the longest? Why won’t you let them GO??

Theo! And because it's funnnn! He's been through just about everything I ever came up with and I have no intention of stopping :D He's just fun to write so he's my go-to for whump but even if we only count the "canon" storyline he's been imprisoned by a cult for a few years at one point so it still checks out ✨✨

🦷 Which OC is the most likely to bite? Who’s most likely to get bitten?

That's Clover <3 He's kind of feral especially at the start of the story but even as time goes on and he learns stuff like reading and using cutlery it never really goes away. He will bite in self-defense and he will bite to show affection, there is no way around it.

The one he's most likely to try to bite is Elliott since they're closest but he's more likely to succeed with Kiran who is concerningly unbothered by a feral teenager chewing on his forearm <3

Thank you for the ask I hope you're doing great :D

#starlight-whump #ask #ocs #ask game #abt theo #abt kieran #abt clover #abt elliott

1 note · View note

itsallyscorner · 4 years ago

Text

Baby’s First Heartbreak

pairing: marvel cast x teen!fem!reader, Scarlett Johansson x reader, Elizabeth Olsen x reader

prompt: the youngest member of the marvel cast experiences her first breakup.

warnings: not much—crying, a break up.

A/n: Tom is 19 here because this is set during Civil War. He was such a baby omg🥺

You were always a firm believer in having hope. No matter what the situation was, you knew that you had to at least try before fully giving up. You were only 18, but it was the mindset you grew up with. You were taught to face things with bravery and confidence, you faced things head to head with all your might. Though some things never went the way you planned, you were still the ray of sunshine you were, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, eager to learn and explore the world.

You had the same mindset going into your first relationship. Love was something you’ve always wanted to experience. Sure, you received it from your friends and family. But you wanted the different kind of love. The special one that was shared between two people. The one that made your heart skip a beat and made you breathless. Where staring into that special someone’s eyes felt like you were being transported into another world where it was just the two of you.

You’ve found that kind of love in a boy from your hometown. The two of you had been friends since pre-k, growing up along side each other, and being there for each other’s success and failures. You’ve known him all your life but the feelings didn’t come till sophomore year of high school. It all just clicked all of sudden; that one day where he said you looked cute in his jumper and the next moment you knew you were seeing him in a new light. Junior year, you were both beating around the bush; constantly pining over each other with longing stares and fingers always brushing against each other. Though you didn’t see him all the time due to your job as an actress. You spent half of the school year in your hometown and the rest at Atlanta. Of course he knew of your job and as much as he hated to see you go, he knew you were doing something that made you happy. So he spent as much time as he could with you before your time together came to an end. A few days prior to your flight to Atlanta, under the night sky of your backyard, he admitted his feelings for you. By senior year, the two of you had been dating for half a year. It had been the best moments of your life, you were in love and high on happiness, it was like nothing in life could ever go wrong.

Now here you were, in your trailer on the set of Captain America: Civil War, sobbing you eyes out. You knew loving could hurt, but not this much. You still felt your heart skip a beat, but it was clenching in heartache. You were still breathless, but because you’ve been trying to catch your breath after every sob that wracked your body. You felt broken. The boy you loved had ripped your heart out of your chest and threw it onto the floor, stomping on it till it stopped beating.

You hiccuped as you stared at yourself in the mirror. You were nothing but a fool. A fool who had hope in something that was never going to work. You sniffled as you snatched tissues out of the box on your bathroom sink, dabbing the material onto your eyes and blowing your nose. Your eyes were red and your cheeks were puffy. A sigh of frustration releases from your body. There was no way you could walk onto set without people asking you what was wrong.

You debated asking your assistant to ask your designated makeup artist to do your makeup in your trailer, you didn’t want to be a bother. But your thumbs were already shamefully typing away the request on your phone. A few minutes later Eleanor, your makeup artist on set, arrives at your trailer with her supplies in hand.

She doesn’t directly question you, but she has the look of a concerned mother once she sees your face. You lie to her and tell her you weren’t having a good day and chalked it up to being homesick.

You dreaded going on set. You weren’t sure if you could face anyone without bursting into tears. The moment you felt like you were okay, your heart would clench, reminding you of the ache it was feeling.

You were in your costume, sitting on the sidelines of the set while you rehearsed your lines. The dialogue from the script acted as a distraction from the current pain you were feeling. The tears had stopped but your eyes felt dry, making you blink multiple times to keep them wet.

“Hey, sweetheart.” You look up and meet the stunning blue eyes of Chris Evans. That typical goofy smile of his was etched onto his features. Usually you would reciprocate that smile, but today you just couldn’t find it in your heart to do so. His smile falters when he sees your face.

“Morning.” You greet him, forcing a smile. Concern shadows on his face as he shifts a bit closer to you. “You alright?” He asks, eyes softening at you. Being the youngest of all the Avengers cast members, everyone had a soft side for you. Especially Chris, who saw you as a daughter.

“Y-yeah, I’ve just got—allergies.” You lied, another fake smile forcing itself onto your lips.

“Well have you taken something to help your allergies? Do you need Allegra? Claritin or something?” He looked around ready to call one of the runners on set to get you some meds.

“No! I took some already, a few minutes ago! It probably hasn’t kicked in yet.” You tell him. He eyes you reluctantly, not knowing if he should believe you. He decides to let it pass and nods, “Ok, tell me if you need anything though.”

You hum in response and tilt your head down back to your script.

The day goes on and everyone had caught on to your lack of—being you. The infamous smile everyone knew you by was barely on your face. You didn’t crack jokes with Anthony or share a giggle with Elizabeth. Instead you were quiet, a frown was on your face as you stared blankly at the floor. You didn’t interact with anybody, keeping to yourself and walking off set whenever one of the Russos called cut.

Anthony and Sebastian watched as you walked off the set. You have all finished a sequence of the airport scene and the Russos had given everyone a break while they rewatched the scenes they shot. Anthony’s brows furrowed while he watched your figure go further and further away. He had tried to cheer you up, telling you a joke about how Seb’s arm lube kept leaking out his fake arm. Your response was nothing but a fake laugh—it wasn’t even a fake laugh, more like a huff of laughter.

“She didn’t laugh at my joke.” Anthony thought aloud. Sebastian quirked an eye at his friend, “Does she have to laugh at all your jokes?”

“No, but even if I tell her a corny ass joke, she’ll still laugh at it.” He expressed, throwing his arms up. Sebastian’s lip pouted as he thought back to your behavior on set. You were acting unusual. He turns to Tom (Holland) and asks, “Hey, has (y/n) said anything to you? Like anything bothering her?”

The Brit shakes his head, “Um, nope. Besides filming, I haven’t spoken to her today.”

Anthony crosses his arms, approaching Tom, “Have you tried speaking to her? We’ve been trying to figure out what’s been going on with her today and you’re the closest to her age here.”

“I—I tried to talk to her, but she didn’t seem in a talking mood. I thought I was bothering her so I just stopped.” Tom answered. He gestures to the direction of the trailers, “I could check up on her right now? Maybe I’ll get her one of her favorite snacks from crafties, it might cheer her up.”

Half of a smile makes it way onto Sebastian’s face at the boy’s efforts. Though you were clearly upset and he felt like they were all prodding at your privacy. “Maybe we should give her some time alone.”

Tom frowns at the older man, “But (y/n)’s upset. Shouldn’t we do something?” Anthony agrees with Tom and looks at Sebastian.

Seb raises his hands up in defense, “I’m just saying—maybe she wants to be alone. She went back to her trailer away from everybody. She probably doesn’t want us shoving our noses into her business, we should respect that.”

Chris joins the group along with Scarlett and Elizabeth. He had overhead the group talking and urged the two ladies to join him in on the conversation.

“You guys talking about (y/n)?” Chris asks, hands on his waist.

“Yeah, Seb says we should leave her be.” Anthony fills him in.

“She told me she had allergies.” Chris starts. “She’s an amazing actress, but kid’s gotta work on the lying.” He finishes. Elizabeth and Scarlett glance at each other.

“Well has anyone talked to her at all today? Besides Chris?” Elizabeth asked the group. Everyone shakes their head. Elizabeth sighs while looking around at anyone else who could’ve talked to you. She spots Eleanor hanging along the sides with her makeup belt on, ready for touch ups. Elizabeth calls her over. Eleanor has her brush ready to powder her down, but Elizabeth politely declines.

“You do (y/n)‘s makeup right?”

Eleanor nods, “Yeah, I do.”

“How was she this morning? We’re just a bit concerned since she’s been acting different today.” Eleanor sighs, knowing if she told them it would be an invasion of your privacy. Although, they were all concerned for you and so was she.

“I got a text from her assistant telling me to do her makeup in her trailer today.” She began. “I walked in and her eyes were red, cheeks puffy—“

Chris apologizes and interrupts her, “Because of allergies?”

Eleanor shakes her head, “No, she never mentioned anything about allergies. But she looked like she’s been crying. She was wiping her face when I arrived.”

“Did she give you a reason for why she was crying?” Scarlett questions her.

“She told me she was feeling homesick.” Eleanor answered. Scarlett turned to Chris and shared a look. Elizabeth thanks Eleanor then turns back to the group.

“We need to check up on her.” Anthony says. All the men nodded and began to make their way to your trailer. Suddenly, they were stopped by Scarlett and Elizabeth.

“But (y/n)—“ Tom said pointing to the trailers. Scarlett shakes her head, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Lizzie and I will go. You guys are gonna overwhelm her with all your questions.” Scarlett insists, much to the men’s dismay. They wanted to be there for you, but maybe a mother figure might help you open up with what’s bothering you. They agree and let the two women go to your trailer. Before they can get to you, they get some snacks from crafties for you.

As soon as you shut the trailer’s door behind you, the tears welled up in your eyes again. It only took a matter of seconds until they fell from your eyes and down your cheeks. You heard some people walk by outside and cover your mouth to muffle the whimpers that came out your mouth. You slid down the door and shoved your head into your hands. You leaned forward against your knees as you cried into your arms. You felt pathetic, embarrassed, anger; you were feeling so many things and the only way to let them all out seemed to be crying.

They heard your cries from behind the door. Scarlett sends Elizabeth an alarmed look as she rushes up to your door. She knocked on it repeatedly, causing you to jump from behind the door. Your cries come to a stop while you try to wipe away the tears as best as you can.

“(Y/n), honey, please open the door.” You hear Scarlett say. You remain silent, getting up and dusting your legs off. You stare at the door, debating whether you should open it or not.

“(Y/n), everyone’s worried about you. We just want to help.” Another voice coaxes you behind the door. Elizabeth. “Please let us in.”

Outside, the two women had their ears pressed up against your trailer’s door. Scarlett tries to get you to open the door again, “It’s only me and Lizzie. I promise.”

There was some shuffling heard behind the door. The door pushes open slowly, making Scarlett and Elizabeth back away. A worried expression appears on Scarlett’s face once she sees you. She cups your cheeks, her thumbs gently swiping away some tears that fell from your eyes. The two of them shuffle inside your trailer. You burst out into tears once again when Scarlett wraps her arms around you. She moves you both to sit on the couch that was in your trailer. She lets you shove your head into the crook of her neck while her hands smoothed your hair. Elizabeth sits behind you rubbing circles onto your back. Your cries broke both their hearts. You were a fairly happy girl, to see you in such pain and heartache was hard to watch.

Scarlett rocks you back and forth, trying to calm you down by whispering comforting words into your ear. She presses a motherly kiss onto your forehead once she sees you start to calm down. Elizabeth waits patiently beside you waiting for when you’re ready to talk. When your whimpers turned into hiccups, Scarlett pulls your face away from her neck to look at you. She frowns when she sees your tear stained cheeks.

“Are you going to tell us what’s going on or are you going to keep bottling it up to yourself?” She asks you softly, tucking strands of your hair behind your ears. Elizabeth chimes in from behind you, “You know, sometimes it helps to tell others what’s bothering you. You don’t have to keep it to yourself, (y/n), you could talk to us.” She gathers your hair together, splitting it into two parts as she began to fish tail braid your hair.

You take a moment to compose yourself before eyeying the two women. You knew you could trust them. Scarlett was like your on-set mom and Lizzie was like one of your aunts. If you could tell anyone on set what was going on, it would be them.

“He broke up with me.” You confess, eyes trained on your lap. Lizzie’s fingers stop braiding your hair, “What?”

“Peyton, he broke up with me.” You whined, not wanting to say it again. You fiddle with your fingers while a tear falls to your lap.

“Oh honey.” Scarlett cooes pulling you back into her chest. You sniffle and wrap your arms around her torso. Silently crying into her shoulder.

“Did he give you a reason why?” Lizzie asks softly. You move away from Scarlett’s hold and lean against the couch with your knees to your chest. Lizzie wraps an arm around your shoulder for comfort.

You glanced at your phone that was on the coffee table, “H-he texted me earlier this morning. He said he couldn’t do the long distance thing anymore and that he has feelings for somebody else.”

Anger flashes in Scarlett’s eyes, “He broke up with you over a text message?” You nod in response.

“What a dick.” She mutters glaring at your phone. It’s quiet for a few minutes. Until you ask them, “Am I not worth trying for a long distance relationship?”

Lizzie shakes her head, “No, don’t you ever think that because you are.”

You sigh and throw your head back, “Then why did he break up with me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough?” Scarlett interrupts your questions by shushing you.

“There is not a damn thing wrong about you. Don’t you ever let a man, let alone a boy, make you question your worth.” Scarlett advises you a stern look on her face. “You are the most sweetest and loveliest girl I have ever met in my life. You’re kind, you care about the people around you—you even laugh at Anthony’s stupid jokes.”

Lizzie snorts beside you and squeezes your shoulder, “And his jokes are the worst.”

Scarlett continues, “You are a talented young woman already making it big in the movie industry and you did it all on your own. You are beautiful inside and out. You’re perfect, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Then why did he leave me?”

“Because he’s an idiot that doesn’t know your worth.” Lizzie answers resting her head on your shoulder. “I know it hurts now but these things happen for a reason. He wasn’t meant for you and you weren’t meant for him. Maybe somewhere in the future you guys will meet and try again. Or maybe you’ll move on with someone new. That’s just how it is. It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth.”

Scarlett nods at Lizzie, “Take it from me, I’ve been married twice. When it seems like you found that special person, sometimes it’ll all come crashing down. And it’s not an easy thing to go through. It’s full of pain, heartache, self doubt and a bunch of other heart wrenching things. But in the end you come out a stronger version of yourself.”

You stare at Scarlett, “How did you do it?”

Scarlett softly smiles at you, “Well, I had lots of friends who supported me every step of the way. But most importantly, I valued myself. I did things that made me happy and took care of myself mentally and physically.”

You bite your lip in thought as you stare at the ground.

“Listen to me.” Scarlett urges you, “You’re young, (y/n). You’re going to meet so many more people in the future that’ll bring you so much happiness and love in your life. Don’t beat yourself up over one boy who decided to leave you because he wasn’t committed for a long distance relationship. You’re going to be okay.” She assures you, cradling your face. Your lips form into a tight smile while you nod in response.

“You have us and the rest of the people outside of this trailer to support you. We’ll always have your back, whatever it is, I promise you that. You’re not going to go through this by yourself.” Lizzie promises you, taking your hand into hers. You hum and rest your head on her shoulder. You pull on Scarlett’s arm to join you and Lizzie. She chuckles and hugs you from behind.

“Thank you guys.” You whisper, genuinely grateful that you had them in your life. Lizzie pecks your temple, “Anytime darling.”

#marvel #marvel cast x reader #marvel cast x teen!reader #mcu #avengers #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagines #Scarlett Johansson #Scarlett Johansson x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #avengers x reader #avengers x teen!reader #Tom Holland #Sebastian Stan #anthony mackie #tom holland x reader #sebastian stan x reader #anthony mackie x reader

4K notes · View notes

mikkomacko · 3 years ago

Note

So not sure if you’re going to understand this but here’s my idea: the team not knowing that the reader is dating both Bucky and Steve (Stucky) and they confront her and say some awful things like she’s using them, a cheating wh*re etc. and she just starts crying and runs and locks herself in their room (or whatever you’d like). Then Stucky comes back or out from somewhere looking for her and then they ask the team and the team tells them that she was “cheating” on both of them with each other and then they’re like no we’re all dating each other and the team feels all bad and you can end it how you want lol. You don’t have to do this and sorry if it’s bad.

A/n: Sorry it took so long! Hope it's ok! <3

Two Avengers dating would cause enough gossip in itself, but three Avengers? Two of which have been best friends since the 40s? She can't imagine what kind of reaction that would get out of Sam or Nat who have always teased Steve and Bucky about being really good friends.

So when y/n, Bucky, and Steve made their relationship official, they kept it as low-key as possible. Anything beyond cuddling was reserved for the privacy of their rooms, flirting had to be subtle, and all dates were far from the Avengers compound.

They just had to pray they could follow the rules and keep their hands to themselves when others were around.

Drumming her fingers on the folder, y/n heads up HR to submit her latest mission report. It was simple surveillance mission, nothing exciting to report on but she'd been gone for over a week and wanted to get the report in asap so it could be done with. Dropping it off on the incoming desk, she promptly turns on her heel to head to lunch but is stopped just outside of the doorway by a hand on her bicep. She's tugged into the hidden corner before she can even react, two strong arms caging her against the cool wall.

Bucky, dressed for a training session, stands before her, blue eyes sparkling and lips smiling. Immediately, her guard falls, lips widening into a smile that reflects the same love shining through Bucky's.

"Careful Barnes," she teases, "next time I won't be so kind about ya pawing at me."

He clicks his tongue. "Wouldn't be pawing if you'd come to see me as soon as you got back."

"Paperwork waits for no one. Not even Cap and Sarge."

He sighs playfully. "Damn doll, that hurts. Think ya should kiss it better."

So she does. Cupping his jaw between two soft palms, y/n seals their mouths together in a tender kiss, completely blind to Bruce and Tony who have just caught sight of them from down the hall.

Bucky heads down to the gym and y/n heads to room to clean up before lunch, ignoring his pleas for her to join him. She's technically on recovery from her last mission and she's definitely going to milk that for a day off. She's approaching her door when one just down the hall opens, a familiar blond head of hair coming into view.

She pauses, leaning her shoulder against the doorway and smiles at him. "Hey Cap, fancy seeing you here."

He lifts his head, soft blue eyes meeting hers and he smiles that cute little smirk only Steve Rogers could smile. "Hey, heard you got back early this morning."

"Yeah, way early." She laughs, tilting her chin up as he moves closer.

"How'd it go?"

He stops in front of her, crossing his arms over his chest and tilting his head. It's his typical go-ahead-I'm-listening stance but by the way he's eyeing her mouth she knows he doesn't actually want to hear it right now. Steve always tries to hide the fact that he's just as clingy as Bucky.

"Is that really what you're going to ask me, Rogers? After being gone for so long you want my mission run down right now?"

He chuckles, dipping his head and lightly shaking it. "No not really."

"So what's your real question?"

Bashful, he meets her eyes again. "Can I have a hello?"

Y/n laughs, butterflies fluttering in her chest as she rises on her tiptoes to kiss him. He gently grips her waist, pulling her just the slightest bit closer and humming in content. She throws her arms around his neck, fingertips shifting into the hair at the base of his neck, once again too caught up in her boyfriend to notice Nat and Sam have just spotted them from the end of the corridor.

"You'll never believe what we just saw!" Sam shouts, hightailing it into the kitchen with Natasha hot on his heels. Bruce and Tony both startle in their seats at the table, water sloshing over the edge of Bruce's mug.

"Nuh-uh, we're first." Tony says, shaking his head.

"No we are." Sam insists, Tony opening his mouth to continue the argument but Natasha cuts him off.

"Rogers and y/n are together."

And that makes Tony and Bruce pause. Sam whoops proudly, smirking at the two as they share looks of confusion.

"Steve and y/n?" Bruce confirms, eyebrows pinching together when Nat nods firmly.

Tony sighs. "Well that puts us in a bit of pickle because we saw Barnes with his tongue down her throat."

Sam's jaw drops. "What? When?"

"Earlier today!" Bruce exclaims, motioning towards the HR department. "She was dropping off paperwork and he just grabbed her and kissed her."

"Well we just watched Steve pin her against a door and kiss her not even ten minutes ago." Nat exclaims, anger building up in her veins. "Which means we've got a problem."

Sam turns to her, just as angry. "Damn right we do!"

Bottom lip between her teeth, y/n attempts to hide the giddy smile that's been plastered on her face since her reunion with her boys. It's a weak attempt because she's practically as bright as a ray of sunshine but she doesn't really care. She's happy. She's so incredibly happy and she wants it to last forever.

Unfortunately for her, the feeling is cut short far too soon because as soon as she enters the kitchen, 4 pairs of eyes are glaring at her.

"Hey everyone," she says tentatively, slowing to a stop. "what's going on?"

Sam scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why don't you tell us what's going on?" He says coldly, "You know besides you macking on our friends."

Macking on his friends? Oh god, Steve and Bucky! They found out about their relationship...

Her jaw drops, cut-off guard. "Wait! I can explain-"

"Cheaters don't get an explanation." Nat cuts off, eyes mean and piercing. Y/n heart sinks into her stomach. Cheating? She'd never cheat in her life, especially not on Bucky and Steve.

"Cheating? I'm not-"

Tony rises from his seat. "Save it y/n. We know you're cheating on Bucky and Steve with each other. How could you do that? They're like brothers and your just using them-"

"No I'm not!" She insists, panicking under the hateful gazes. "You guys don't understand. Just let me-"

"No!" Sam cuts off. "Bucky and Steve have both gone through so much. Do you realize how difficult it must have been for them to open up to you? And you thew it all away. You hurt them. You're a bitch y/n, full honestly."

Tears sting her eyes. Sam's never said anything like that to her let alone anyone they know. He's always been so kind and welcoming so to hear such hurtful words from him has her stunned. She can't even think of anything to say to defend herself.

"Y-you really think that lowly of me?" She sniffles, "That I would do something like that?"

"We saw it, y/n." Banner responds, nose scrunched in disgust. "Now get outta here before we throw you out."

Insulted and insecure, she shakes her head. "I can't believe you all." Then she turns on her heel, running to the safety of her room.

Bucky's spotting Steve on the bench press when the foursome of Avengers walk in, somber looks on their faces.

"Steve," Bucky says, gaining his attention. Immediately the super soldier is setting down his weights, sitting up to look at their friends.

"What's going on? Is someone hurt?" Steve asks, rising to his feet. Sam shakes his head, smiling sympathetically.

"No one's hurt," he assures "but we've got something to tell you."

Bucky swallows nervously, something in him going on high alert. He knows that this is about y/n, that something's happened and it makes him anxious. Where is she?

"What?" Bucky asks, noticing the lingering anger in Nat's eyes.

"It's y/n," she says "she-"

"She what?" Bucky interrupts quickly, readying himself to sprint upstairs.

"She's cheating," Tony says, eyes flickering between the two men. "On you two. With each other."

Oh, Bucky wasn't expecting that. He turns to Steve, the two sharing a silent conversation between themselves. They know? Looks like it pal. How'd that happen? I told you to be careful...

"Don't worry, we already gave her a piece of our minds-"

"You what?!" Steve suddenly asks, finally realizing what they're saying. They think y/n cheated on them because they don't know they're all three dating each other. And they confronted her about it.

"What did you say?" Bucky asks lowly.

"The truth," Sam says proudly. "that she's a bitch for using you both."

Before anyone can react Bucky is rushing towards the doors, abandoning his belongings in favor of checking on y/n. Steve doesn't mind, knowing that when it comes to being emotional and open, Bucky is typically the one she leans on. He's good at being a comforting shoulder.

"Oh god Sam," Steve sighs. "Y/n isn't cheating-"

"Yeah-"

"No she's not!" He shouts, startling them. "She's not. For the past few months we've been dating. The three of us."

The silence is almost amusing if Steve wasn't too busy thinking of his girl upstairs, upset.

"Like a throuple?" Bruce asks, confused.

Steve nods shortly. "Thanks for accusing her instead of talking it out. Appreciate it." He says icily, pushing around them. Stalking towards the exit, he calls over his shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a girl to go check on."

Bucky has wrapped her up like a burrito in the comforter from his bed on the floor of her room, leaning back against the side of the matress with her sat between his parted thighs. Her eyes are still wet and swollen but she's giggling through her sniffles, a spoon hanging out of her mouth and a bowl of soup in her lap. They both look up when he enters the room, Y/n smiling shyly and Bucky relieved.

"We ok sweetheart?" He asks, waiting for her nod before looking to Bucky.

"We're good Steve," he promises, sweeping her hair over her shoulder with his hand and brushing his fingers through it. "She was just frustrated. Didn't know they could think she'd do something like that."

"That's because she wouldn't," Steve says firmly, sitting on the floor next to them. "and we know that y/n. We know you'd never hurt us like that."

"I love you Steve," she swears, resting her head on his shoulder. "And I love you Buck. Thanks for doing this for me."

"Course doll," Bucky says, kissing the side of her head. "Don't have to thank us for loving you." Steve hums his agreement.

"But..."Bucky quickly adds, "you can thank me after I beat Sam's ass for calling you that."

Steve sighs, rolling his eyes. "Buck..." He says warningly but he doesn't even finish the scolding thought because their boyfriend's threat has made y/n smile and that's all they could ever ask for.

#stucky x reader #stucky blurb #Steve Rogers x reader x Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes blurb #steve rogers blurb

406 notes · View notes

neonacity · 3 years ago

Text

LUCID | NCT DREAM ‘00 LINE X READER | CH.6

LUCID DREAMS - A TYPE OF DREAM WHEREIN THE PERSON IS AWARE THAT THEY ARE CAUGHT IN A DREAM WORLD.

Summary: It was supposed to be a harmless, professional transaction. You were to tutor a group of boys, get your pay at the end of the day, and go home to your loving fiance. Kids aren’t supposed to be dangerous, right? So why, then, are you caught up in a web of madness that slowly makes you feel like you’re in a living nightmare?

NOTE:This is a yandere plot featuring NCT Dream ‘00 line which means there will be mature themes in the story as well as obsessive, toxic behavior. If you’re a minor, please refrain from interacting. If this isn’t your thing, then just scroll and skip. In no way am I condoning anything written here— this is not love, this is obsession—nor do I think that any of the people mentioned here will act any way like in this story. This is purely a work of fiction.

Genre: yandere, horror, suspense

TW: abuse, obsessive behavior, toxic relationships, suggestive scenes, stalking, possible kidnapping, mental health. Age gap–though nothing dramatic. Everyone is of legal age, drugs, slight smut for this chapter but nothing graphic, questionable consent (?) I guess? Creepy, creepy, creepy! This will be updated as the story goes along.

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5

“EVERYONE HAS A DARKER NATURE. EVERYONE. GOOD MEN FEAR IT, AND EVIL MEN EMBRACE IT.” - JAMES ISLINGTON

The silent hum of the air conditioning filled the space like a foreboding chant. Nothing else but the sound of the hospital machinery and random noises outside pierced the stillness of the room as you stared, unseeing, at the green and orange numbers that blinked on the monitor above the bed.

You barely have any recollection of how you managed to find yourself in the hospital, but you do remember brief memories of Taeyong picking you up from the floor you found yourself crumpled on after you got the call. You remember seeing Jaehyun's parents at a brightly lit corridor and his mother pulling you into a hug as she broke down and his father telling you how his son hasn't woken up since he was brought to the emergency room.

You remember your heart breaking in shock, mind too numb from the godforsaken pills you have been taking and your own injury. So many times you wondered to yourself if you were still caught in one of your nightmares, but every time you tried to break free from it, you're slapped back with the reality of how all of this is real.

Your fingers gently tightened on Jaehyun's hands now as your gaze landed on his face. He looked so peaceful, like he's just sleeping, that you almost wanted to bend over and try to kiss him awake. You don't even have any idea what time and day it is already, but you have barely left his side since you were brought to him. The nightmares and sleeplessness? They're barely a problem for you anymore because right now, you're entirely not resting at all unless your body forces you to crash from physical exhaustion. Even then, you usually only sleep for about two to three hours at best to make sure that you never miss a moment with your fiance.

"Severe traumatic head injury. He was lucky enough that the airbag shielded him from the worst of the impact."

The words of his attending doctor echoed in your head again like a faraway voice. You could only remember bits and pieces of what he said to his parents back then as he reported his findings, but you caught enough context for you to draw a picture of the situation. You remember Jaehyun's mother asking the chances of her son waking up again, her voice barely holding up from her emotions.

"I cannot promise anything, Ma'm. I'd say he has a 60 percent chance. He's fighting."

And he is. You know Jaehyun inside out. He might be unconscious now, but there is no way he is giving up. Not from something like this.

"Keep fighting baby…" you whispered in the stillness of the room as you lifted his hand gently to your lips to kiss. "I'll wait for you. We still have a wedding to do."

The slight creaking of the door barely made you look away from his sleeping face. You only did at the gentle sound of a throat clearing, your eyes slightly widening as you recognized the man who just walked inside the room. Taeil had the same mildly shocked look on him as he stopped on the other side of the bed across from you.

"You…"

"Are you a relative of the patient?" He asked now as he tucked his clipboard under his arm. You simply nodded, watching him quickly glance at the numbers on the monitor before his eyes settled on you again.

"I'm his fiancee."

That made him raise his brows slightly. He pulled a pen now from the pocket of his coat to quickly write something on his file. "What a coincidence. Not a good one obviously. I'm sorry to hear about him. Mr. Jung, right?"

You swallowed. You didn't want to acknowledge anything that he just said so you tried to divert the conversation instead.

"You're not his doctor. Why are you…"

"Oh. He was turned over to me today. I am one of the resident neurologists here but he had to be moved to me because his first doctor has too much in his plate already. Don't worry, I was briefed properly about his case."

Your gaze followed Taeil as he bent over to check Jaehyun's oxygen level as well as the other wires attached to him. You don't know what to feel about him taking over, but at least you already know him previously.

"Are there any changes? Positive ones?" You asked in a frail voice that Taeil definitely didn't miss. You told yourself to not act silly and ask questions that probably do not have answers yet, but you couldn't help yourself now. The man seemed to think over his words first, noticing your state, before calmly giving his reply.

"No particular ones, but the fact that there are no negative developments is… something. I will have to request for some tests to be done on him again tomorrow so we can see if there are positive changes in his brain."

Neutral. Not good, but at least it's not bad either.

"How are you? I was about to check on you again. Is your head okay?"

You were still thinking over his words that you barely caught his question. Looking up, you tried to scramble for an answer to give. To be honest, you haven't given proper attention to your own injury since this happened. You would even only remember to take your medications on your clearest, less anxious moments, which, honestly, isn’t a lot.

"I'm uh… the wound has closed. But the headaches. They're still there."

He simply nodded. "Any other side effects?"

You didn't immediately answer. You didn't want to sound whiny, but it's not like you're going to lose anything by telling him the uglier parts of your recovery. You swallowed to try and dislodge the slight blockage in your throat.

"Nightmares…" you said now, voice soft. You briefly remembered the last one you had back in the manor before you woke up to the bad news and you felt your stomach turn again. "Lots of them. Hallucinations sometimes…"

The doctor watched you carefully and you know he is trying to compute things in his mind despite his face remaining calm.

"Have you been keeping to your schedule with your medications? Are you taking too much?"

You firmly shook your head no to his last question.

"No, I haven't been overdosing. But… I've been skipping my pills the last few days because of...because of this."

"How have you been feeling since you started missing your dosages then? Do you remember?"

That made you actually stop and think about it for a moment. Now that you are paying attention, you did notice how the nightmares have calmed down slightly. Even the hallucinations are almost gone. You frowned slightly to yourself.

"A bit… better actually."

Taeil took his time to observe you a bit more before writing something on a new page of his clipboard.

"You must have had severe reactions to the mixture of pills I gave you. I'm going to prescribe you new ones and ask the nurses to pick them up and bring them to you here. Can you promise that you'll try and take them though? You really need them to fully heal."

You nodded and gave him a slightly sheepish look.

"I will, thank you very much."

Taeil dug his hands into the pockets of his coat and gave you a gentle smile.

"Well, that's it for today. I'll come back tomorrow to give you updates about Mr. Jung." He had already turned and started walking away when he suddenly stopped to look at you again.

"Oh, and another thing. Please try and get some sleep. Recover… and then focus on helping your fiance."

******* You didn't really know what woke you up. Stirring from your sleep, the first thing that registered to you was the sound of distant traffic mixed with the gentle chirping of the morning birds from outside the window. A warm feeling radiated on your cheek and made the back of your eyelids glow red.

You flickered your eyes open and immediately rolled away to escape the ray of sunshine that slipped from the open curtains and shone directly at your face. You easily evaded it as you moved over to the other side of the bed which was empty and cold from the night before.

That was when you finally remembered that you were back in your home, in the same bedroom you share with Jaehyun. The day before, his mother offered to take the responsibility of watching over him so there was a sudden change of plans that finally gave you the reason to check back into your apartment after so long. If it were you, you would have preferred not leaving your boyfriend’s side until he wakes up, but you also knew that your future mother-in-law wanted to spend time with him so you relented.

Of course you weren't thrilled to be home alone, especially with Jaehyun not being there, but the comfort that a real mattress provided—over the small couch you used to sleep in back at the hospital—is definitely a welcome change for your body. You even tried to take your medicine properly, the new ones that Taeil had provided, in the hopes of getting knocked down fast. Your adrenaline and anxiety had been fueling you in the past days, but you know from the way your heart thumped and your hands shook that you need a solid rest.

And you got it. You still feel a little groggy now but your body is definitely lighter and your head clearer. The nightmares didn't even come, and while they were replaced by total darkness or dreams in white that still made you anxious, you are willing to take those anytime over the graphic ones that you used to have.

You gently sat back against the headrest of the bed now and reached out for your phone to check the time. It's barely 7AM but as expected, Jaehyun's mom has already provided you with updates from the hospital. He’ll have some tests taken today as Taeil advised and then they’ll hear more about his progress. From the looks of it, she seems still set on watching over her son, which means you still have at least today free to yourself.

You quickly typed a reply to her and sighed. You’re thankful that even though you weren’t related by blood, his parents have always treated you as if you were their own. Having a family is not something you’ve really experienced in your childhood, so that’s something you’ve always appreciated about them. That is also the reason why you wish for the best out of this situation, because you also couldn’t bear seeing your fiance’s mother and father heartbroken. He’s their only son, after all.

A quick look around your room left you feeling empty. The last week has been so hard that it felt longer and now you’re struggling to find your normal pace again. In an effort to bring yourself to focus, you decided to pick up your phone once more and started flipping through your calendar to check your schedule. It didn’t take long for you to frown when you realized the upcoming dates there. You’ve plotted important academic schedules in advance and one quick look at it told you how much you’ve obviously missed in the past week. You’ve been so lost in the mess of everything that has happened that you’ve entirely forgotten about your job at the manor. You realized that they didn’t even call you once to ask about your absence, probably because they also know about the situation, but even that is not enough excuse for you to entirely fall off the radar.

Biting your lip, you quickly scrolled through your contacts now to look for the number you need. Your thumb hovered over the call button momentarily, but you eventually pressed it anyway. Your eyes wandered towards the clock on the wall, hoping silently to yourself that it wasn’t too early for you to call.

“Rosewood Manor, how can I help you?”

You straightened on your seat.

“Hey, Taeyong. It’s me. Sorry if I called so early.”

The other boy seemed to have been taken slightly by surprise by the way he fell silent at the other end of the line. You tapped your finger against your knee, waiting for him to speak again.

“Hi. No, it’s fine. Work started for me about an hour ago. Are you okay? How’s things on your end?”

You nibbled guiltily on your lower lip and finally got off your bed to walk over to the window. You pushed the curtains open and stared at the slight snowfall that had started falling on the ground. You’ve missed so many days of reporting to them but the first thing he does is to check if you’re fine.

“I um—things are still the same. My boyfriend’s still at the hospital.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Look, I want to apologize. I haven’t really reported to work and I didn’t even call about it. It’s just that—things have been so crazy lately, but still that isn’t an excuse for me to just not show up.”

Taeyong, however, was understanding as always. You were about to go off for another round of apologies when he gently cut you off.

“Hey, it’s fine. We know you’ve been dealing with a lot lately so we also weren't expecting anything. Don’t worry too much about it.”

“But, the boys’ examinations and portfolio review is happening in three days and I haven’t really checked in with them. How are they doing now?”

“Oh...that. Well, we actually tried looking for a temporary tutor to help out but I...uh… I think he isn't really cutting it. Maybe because he isn’t the one who started the program with them. But he’s a big help still.”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry about that. I should have at least—look, I can drop by today and just try to fix things.”

“Are you sure? You really don’t have to. Don’t you need to be at the hospital?”

You started going around your room now, trying to gather the scattered papers and files that you’ll need. It’s a good thing you woke up early so you still have time to prepare for work. “My boyfriend’s mother is the one watching over him today so I have the day off.”

“And your injury? How is it?”

Your eyes landed on the new bottles of medicine sitting on your bedside table.

“Better. I’m feeling so much better.”

You heard Taeyong sigh in relief over the phone. “Thank god. We were so worried about that. Well, you really don’t need to go, but if you have time, I guess doing it today won’t hurt. It will help us a lot.”

A small smile tugged at your lips now and you switched the phone over to your other ear as you started arranging your bag. “Thank you so much for being understanding. I need a distraction anyway. I’d rather work than stay home alone… Thanks for not firing me.”

That made him laugh a little. “I’ll tell the boys that you’re coming over. Oh, and be careful on your drive here. The roads are a little bit slippery today because of the snow.”

“I will, thank you. I’ll be there by 9.”

******* “Noona!”

You have barely finished arranging your materials on your desk when the door to the room burst open and ushered an anxious-looking Jisung inside. You looked up quickly at him, only barely catching Chenle wobbling with his crutch before your vision of the entrance was blocked by Jisung’s tall frame. His hair looked swept up as if he ran and there was a slight flush staining his cheeks. He stopped right in front of you, stopping just in time for him not to topple you over.

“Hey, Jisung how are—” You tried to give him a smile but he was quick enough to grab your hands between his.

“Are you back? Are you really back for real?” He pressed now, eyes wide as he tried to bend over to look closely at you. He looked like a puppy, the only missing thing being a wagging tail to complete the look. You couldn’t help the brief laugh that passed over you as you tried to calm him down.

“I am. For the day, yes. Sorry I missed so many of your sessions.”

“We thought you left us,” Jisung continued, his lower lip protruding just a bit. Just then, Chenle had finally reached the two of you, a slightly embarrassed look on his face. This is actually the first time you saw him again since the day the two of you had your accident and you’re glad to see him healthy despite his broken leg.

“Hi, Chenle. How are you?”

The boy scratched the back of his head and looked away slightly. “Fine… I’m sorry, noona. I wasn’t able to visit you when you stayed with us. I’m really really sorry about what happened in the forest.”

You tried to give him a reassuring smile and freed one of your hands from Jisung’s hold to ruffle his hair. The action seemed to have calmed him down a little because he finally looked at you again, a small apologetic smile on his own lips.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. But be careful next time, okay?”

“Are you going to be our tutor again, noona?” Jisung pressed once more and you turned your attention back to him. To be honest, you’re still not sure how your schedule will turn out after this, but you couldn’t really bear to break the poor boy’s heart at the moment.

“Yes… I’m here to teach your big brothers today for their tests though. We’ll have to schedule you and Chenle’s lessons again. Is that alright?”

A brief look of disappointment flashed on his face but he was quick enough to pick it up. Jisung smiled and gave your hand a squeeze.

“Okay. We can wait. It’s good you are back, Jaemin-hyung was so—”

“Yah, don’t hog her by yourself. You’ll scare her away.”

A new voice made the three of you look back to the doorway. Haechan smiled at your little group as he strolled casually into the room followed by Jeno and Jaemin. The three of them joined your crowd and you felt Jisung finally let go of your hand as he stepped away to go over to his brothers’ side.

“Hi. Sorry, I only returned now. Taeyong told me that you—”

You weren’t able to finish what you wanted to say as Haechan gently stopped you mid-sentence. He leaned his head to the side, eyes briefly scanning you from head to toe. Unlike Jisung, he looked calm and only barely excited.

“It’s fine. We knew you’ll come back. How are you?”

“Oh… I’m good. My head is better. I haven’t had the chance to thank all of you for taking care of me when I was here.”

“How about your boyfriend?” It was Jeno who asked this time and you quickly turned to him to address his question. Your eyes briefly slipped to Jaemin who was standing behind him before you could even speak though, and for a moment you had the impression that Jeno was shielding him—or blocking him from you. You blinked a little bit in confusion, wondering if it was just your imagination that was making you think that way.

“He’s still… still unconscious,” your smile dropped a little but you tried your best to keep your voice casual. “We’re getting more tests for him. His doctor said that he isn’t showing bad signs at least.”

“I’m so sorry to hear about him,” Haechan said with compassion and you gave him a grateful look. Your gaze settled on Jaemin again, however, who for some reason had barely looked at you since he came into the room. You know that he can be quiet and reserved at times, but there is something in the air around him that makes you slightly worried. He’s so still, but the way he carries himself makes it seem like he’s so strung up at the same time. It also doesn’t help that Jeno seems to be almost pushing him back from view.

“Hi Jaemin… How are you?” You tried to gently ask him to make sure that he is okay. He didn’t look at you at first, but when he finally did, you felt yourself freeze a little. His eyes looked dark and almost emotionless when he met yours and there were shadows under them as if he hadn't slept properly for days. He didn’t even answer and just simply stared, his gaze blank and accusing at the same time.

Haechan casually glanced over his brother and chuckled. “Our Jaeminie here has been sick for the past couple of days so he’s a little out of it. But he’s going to be fine now,” he put a hand over the other’s shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze as if to calm him down. “Right, Jaemin? We’ll try our best to go to class today since noona is finally back, hmm?”

Jaemin, however, didn’t even seem to hear him. He continued staring at you the same way that kept you pinned on your spot.

“Are you leaving again?” he finally asked and you almost felt goosebumps rise on your skin. It didn’t sound like a question… but more of a threat. You swallowed.

“I’m going to have to arrange my schedule till things get better…” you answered carefully, as if you’re navigating dark waters. That didn’t seem to cut it for him, unfortunately.

“So you’re not leaving. Forever?”

You blinked. To be honest, you’ve been thinking of quitting and just finishing the rest of the month if things didn’t improve, but you don’t think that’s the right answer to give at the moment.

“No… not for now,” you finally managed to say. You watched as Jaemin seemed to visibly relax, his stiff shoulders loosening under Haechan’s grip. He didn’t say anything after that, but he at least looked away, seemingly more satisfied with your words.

“Great. I think we should get to work,” Haechan broke the silence and looked around the room as if the tension you were feeling was just something only you could feel. He nodded towards Chenle and Jisung then. “You guys go back to your own classes. You’ll have your share of noona once it’s your turn.” He then glanced at you, smile still in place. “Should we start then?”

You nodded. “Is Renjun still not back?”

“Not yet. He’s going to be here tomorrow though,” Jeno answered as he took his seat on one of the desks.

“I see…”

Haechan also found his spot, but not before you’ve noticed him urging Jaemin to do the same. Playfully, he took the pencil you’ve arranged on the desk and started tapping it against the wood of the table.

“Don’t worry. We’ll tell him you’re back. I’m sure he can’t wait to have his lessons again~”

******* You looked over the window for the third time in the last fifteen minutes and sighed. The day had been busy with you trying to catch up on the boys’ lessons that you barely even noticed the state of the weather outside. When you finally did, it took you by surprise when you saw how much of the ground was covered by snow—one look at it told you that it is at least a feet deep by now. Your first instinct was to try and maneuver your car out of the lot before your tires get entirely buried in it, but then you remembered that you promised to wait for Taeyong to come back before leaving the manor. The butler requested for you to temporarily watch over the manor while he tries to do some last minute errands back in the city, but it’s been two hours since he originally promised to come back. You eyes glanced at your watch now, then back at the quickly darkening view outside.

“...severe snowstorm has blocked some of the main roads in the city at the moment. Expect heavy traffic and don’t forget to drive safely.”

You turned to the television now to catch the last of the rambling dialogue of the reporter about the weather. You’ve been debating on whether to call Taeyong or not to check on him, but you didn’t want to seem impatient to go home when you only really wanted to make sure if he’s safe. From the looks of it, he’s stuck somewhere because of the hale, too.

You were on your way to get your phone from your bag to at least try to shoot him a message when you suddenly heard it ring. Getting it just in time, you almost sighed in relief when you saw his number there. You quickly took it and went over to the window to answer it to make sure you get some proper signal.

“Hello? Taeyong?”

“Hey. Finally. I’ve been trying to call you for the last hour, thank god it finally connected.”

“Oh, sorry, my phone’s in my bag. I think the signal’s getting bad because of the snowstorm. Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, about that, I’m still stuck in town. The traffic’s so bad here because a section of the main road is blocked. Road maintenance is supposed to come thirty minutes ago but I think there’s a delay because there are other roads they are working on.”

Your gaze drifted back to the television where scenes of the same blocked avenues were being flashed. “Yeah… the news says the same. Are you safe though?”

“I am. I’m really sorry for making you wait. I’d tell you to drive back and not wait for me anymore but I don’t think you’ll also make it home in time with all this traffic going on. I don’t think it’s going to be safe. Do you mind waiting for a little bit more? I’ll tell you once the roads are better.”

You thought it over quickly, a frown settling on your face. You really want to go home, but he’s right. There’s no point in trying to drive back if you’ll only find yourself stuck in the roads for hours. Not being a big fan of night driving yourself, you can already imagine the stress waiting for you if you add a snowstorm to the mix. As much as you wanted to leave, you’re left with no choice, at least for the moment.

“I can… I’ll just wait for you, I guess. Do you want me to do anything here while you’re gone? Dinner for the boys?”

“Oh no, no, you don’t need to do that, that’s not part of your job,” Taeyong sounded abashed when he said that. You stepped away from the window then and took a seat by the fireplace that Jeno started earlier. Half of your concentration was on the news which has now shifted to a different set of reports also caused by the snowstorm. “They’ll know when to go down and eat. Don’t worry about them. Where are they right now?”

“Ah, I think they went back to their rooms? I did tell them earlier that I’ll try to wait for you.”

“I see. Yes, I think that’s better. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated. If things don’t get better, I think I’ll have no other choice but find a hostel here and wait for the weather to calm down. You can stay there and just ask for help from any of them. You can stay in the same room just in case.”

You didn’t quickly react to the offer. Instead, your eyes flickered to the doorway of the room before refocusing your attention back to the conversation. It’s not like you have anything against spending the night again at the manor—you’ve done it before, after all—but it’s honestly not really something you’re comfortable to do again. Maybe it’s because you’ve never really been okay with overstaying at strangers’ houses but your gut feel is also telling you right now that it shouldn’t be your top option regardless of the situation you are in.

Still, you didn’t want to come off rude to Taeyong, not when he is only being kind to offer you temporary shelter while being stuck in the middle of nowhere himself. So instead, you went against your initial doubts and offered him your thanks in return. It’s just Plan B that he’s proposing after all.

“I will. Keep me updated though if you need anything you think I can help with.”

“Thank you and I will. I have to go now though. Please make yourself at home. I’ll try to call again after an hour.”

“Okay. Take care.”

You put your phone down now with a worried frown as you heard the line drop. You couldn’t believe this is happening the first day you got back to work but it’s not like you can really blame anyone for it. The only good thing is that you’re sure Jaehyun is being taken care of right now so that is at least one thing off your shoulders. You didn’t really need to rush anywhere, not especially to a vacant home. Leaning back against your seat, you tried your best to relax as your gaze travelled around the room once again. You deliberated on sending a text to your mother-in-law to tell her about your situation but decided against it, not wanting to worry her more. You sighed. For now, you guess you didn’t have any other choice but to wait.

You did try to distract yourself by watching the news for a few more minutes before finally giving up on it. With resignation, you picked yourself up from your seat again and turned the television off. For a moment you simply stood in the middle of the room, trying to figure out what to do with your time when your gaze settled on the door again. Everyone retreated to their own rooms after they finished with their lessons so it means the house is pretty much yours for exploring if you wanted to. You toyed with the idea for a little bit, before finally resigning yourself to it. It’s not like there really is anything else left for you to do, and Taeyong did say you can make yourself feel at home if you wanted to. With a sigh, you finally turned on your heels to leave the room and peered silently into the hallway. It was deserted as expected, but still your eyes travelled left and right to check if there’s anyone out and about at this hour. It was only after you made sure that you were alone when you finally allowed yourself to step into the corridor.

Of course, you have a plan. You’re pretty much sure that checking out the rooms on the first floor is acceptable since it’s where you’ve been rotating your classes so you’re going to stick to those areas. You remember finding a library there once and you focused on finding your way to it to maybe check out some of the books in the collection.

It did take you about five minutes to finally find the place you were looking for. For some reason, the sections in the manor always confuse you no matter how many times you try to memorize each one, probably because of how big and similar-looking they are on the outside. You’ve already tried four doors when you were finally welcomed by the familiar-looking bookshelves at the fifth one. You sighed and gave one quick look around the room before slipping yourself inside after making sure that you’re alone.

There will probably never be a time when you won’t find yourself fascinated by anything in this grand home. If the architecture of the mansion is not enough to convince anyone how rich the family is, their book collection is enough to assure that at the very least. You’ve only ever taken a quick glimpse of it once during one of your lessons with the boys, but one look of the titles in their shelves is enough to make any literature major excited. You looked at the floor to ceiling collection now, your fingers gently running over the spines of the books you could reach with a small smile on your face.

You were about to check out the rest of the collection on the other side of the wall when something in the middle of the room caught your attention. You didn’t really catch it at first because of the shadows that concealed it when you first came in, but you could pretty much discern the outline of a blanket covered standee now from where you stood. You frowned. Taking careful steps, you closed the distance towards it to try and figure out what exactly it is that you’re seeing.

A closer look revealed it to be an easel covered with white cloth. You could see the outline of the canvas where the blanket falls over it while shadows of colors peeked out into the thin fabric from the surface it was covering. How odd… you knew that Renjun had a different art room for his paintings so to see this now here in the middle of the library seems uncanny.

You didn’t know how long you remained standing in front of it, too. You know you should have walked away—after all, the white cloth hiding it away from plain view means whatever is on that canvas is not meant for everyone’s eyes to see, but you simply couldn’t tear yourself away from it. It’s as if there was a silent force asking you to pull that cloth to reveal what’s underneath, the inclination so strong that you could almost hear its voice breathing down next to your ear, unrelenting until you do what it says.

The next thing you know, you had your hand attached to one end of the fabric. You stared at it now, wondering last minute if you should go ahead or not. You swallowed and glanced around one last time around the room. If you’re alone… it wouldn’t hurt if you could take a peek, right? Nobody will know. You just have to see, then cover it back again. Before you could even think about it too much, your arm was finally moving on its own as it gently tugged at the covering. You watched as it fell gently on the floor, like a bodiless ghost melting into the shadows on the ground.

Your eyes couldn’t make out what you were seeing at first. The dim lighting of the room wasn’t helping at all, but you were sure that it was a woman’s silhouette that was staring back at you from the canvas. Colors swirled around her, like some unknown mass trying to drag her back into unknown depths. Shapes and tones jumped from the picture, but her form stood out from the rest, gracefully twisted as if she was in the middle of trying to fight and succumb to it at the same time. You frowned. Taking a step closer towards it, you tried to study its details under what little illumination the lamps above afforded you.

That’s when it all happened simultaneously. Your heart stopped beating the same time your eyes widened as they finally focused on what’s in front of them. It’s as if the ground suddenly vanished from underneath your feet and you were falling, falling, deep into the abyss despite your body being frozen in fear and shock.

You know this painting. You’ve seen it before. It was the same one by Renjun, the one that you saw on your first day working in the manor.

But it was different now. Instead of the unfinished state that caught your attention before, everything about the picture now is in sharp focus. The lines on the woman’s nude body, the hands—which you thought were simply dark swirls dragging her back—and her face twisted beautifully in pleasure and madness stared back at you like a nightmare.

But it was not those which truly shook you to your core. It’s the realization that it was your own face in the portrait that was staring back at you, silently screaming for you to run away.

You stumbled back in shock. Your chest felt tight as you tried to grasp for air while your hands fumbled to find something to hold on to keep you from crashing on the ground. Before you could even take another step, however, something hard hit your back and you felt strong arms wrap around your waist like a vice. You have barely realized what was happening when you felt someone lean over your shoulder, lips pressing against the shell of your ear.

“Isn’t it beautiful? You’re the perfect muse, don’t you think?” Renjun asked softly as he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple.

******* You didn’t know how long you stayed frozen in his embrace. For a brief moment you thought you were dreaming again until you felt his arms slowly tighten around your waist. As if a jolt of electricity shocked you, you immediately turned to push him away as you scrambled to put some distance between the two of you.

Renjun didn’t seem the least bothered when your eyes finally focused on him. He remained on his spot, his gaze on you unwavering. You, meanwhile, were shaking from head to toe, the vision of the painting still branded vividly in your head.

“Renjun—what’s this?” you managed to stutter as you pointed at the artwork in the middle of the room. You couldn’t even spare to look at it again while he merely gave it a casual glance.

“It’s you. I’ve been working on it for a long time. I was about to show it to you but it seems like you couldn’t wait for it yourself.”

You felt nauseous. A part of your rational mind was slowly losing it as you tried to process his answer. Something's not right. Something is so terribly wrong.

“Why—why did you do this?”

Renjun simply stared at you and leaned his head a little bit to the side as if he was only mildly curious of your reaction. Your stomach turned even before hearing his answer.

“You said it’s beautiful.”

“This is not right—!”

“I came home because they said you were leaving for good,” he continued speaking softly, effectively cutting you from what you were about to say. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end and you took another step back as you watched him get close to his artwork. You watched in horror as his thin fingers lovingly ran over the corners of the canvas. “Jaemin almost lost it… It’s a good thing I got here on time.”

And just like that, everything seemed to have clicked into place. The glances, the touches, the words that seemed to have a different undercurrent under them… they weren’t just fragments of your imagination. Every little thing that has gnawed at you from the inside came into crystal clear focus and you felt your knees go weak from the weight of it all. It took every fiber of your being to try and keep yourself steady now, your legs moving on their own as they took small backward steps away from the boy staring at you now with dead eyes. You couldn’t breathe, but it was the last words he told you that finally snapped you to run.

“I don’t think you’ve realized it yet. But no, you cannot leave. Ever.”

You didn’t know where you got the energy for it but in seconds you were flying out of that room and running blindly down the darkened corridors. Your blood pumped noisily in your ears and your chest felt like it was going to split from the sudden exertion you put on it, but you didn’t stop, not even looking back as you tried to put as much distance between you and the library. You didn’t even know where you were going. All you’re focused on is to find the exit and leave the house as soon as possible.

A loud bang that sounded off to your right startled you and you screamed, the force of your shock making you whip around and almost lose your balance. Before you could even hit the floor, however, a pair of hands caught you and you immediately turned, grasping at the chest of your rescuer.

You froze. Haechan smiled down at you as he tried to steady you on your feet.

“Haechan,” you gasped as you took fistfuls of his shirt and tried to shake him in your panic. “Renjun—he’s—please, help me. He’s after me—” you gasped out, almost out of your wits. You’re on the verge of a total breakdown that it almost escaped you, the way he simply smiled down on your shaking form. It was only when you felt one of his hands gently caress the top of your head that reality slapped you in the face again. You suddenly stopped struggling in his hold, pupils shaking as you watched him study your features lovingly.

“Shh… it’s fine. I got you,” he whispered and you could swear ice pricked you from the inside. A slight movement to the right made you turn your head and you saw Jaemin lean casually against the banister of the stairs, his face serene. He gave you one quick look before a gentle smile finally lit up his features.

“Has it started?” he asked and you felt Haechan’s hold on you tighten.

“It has.”

You didn’t struggle. It was as if any trace of fight you had left you in that moment and you let your hands fall limply on your sides. Haechan also loosened his grip on you and you stared at the two boys blankly, your chest heaving as if fighting for air. They didn’t move from their spots and simply followed you with their eyes as if relishing the fear and realization flashing in your face.

Trapped.

You’re trapped.

You’ve always been.

You didn’t even realize that your legs had started moving again on their own as the pieces of the puzzle started to fall together in your mind. You were only shaken from it when your back finally hit the front door, the cold metal of the knob pressing against your spine. Jaemin and Haechan remained on their spots still, even as you blindly reached out for it from behind.

You were expecting it to be locked, so you were a little bit surprised when you felt it give way under your hand when you tried to turn it open. Just before you could even entertain the idea of escaping, however, any trace of hope you had quickly died as you turned and came face to face with Jeno standing right in front of the entrance. He didn’t look the least surprised seeing you there, as if he was waiting for you in the first place.

You eyes took in his calm countenance before slowly moving to stare downwards at what he was holding by his side. Your gaze locked on it in fear, and that’s when the flight response in you flared up again.

Jeno’s hunting rifle shone dully in the light of the entryway, his pale fingers wrapped on its handle.

“There’s really only one place you can run, noona, but I won’t advise it,” he said evenly and you felt your blood freeze in your veins.

“After all, no matter where you hide, I’ll still find you in that forest.”

It happened all at once. You broke into a run, your body screaming at you to go faster as you heard gunshots pierce the air.

---

CHAPTER 7

A/N: Good lord, I wasn’t expecting I’d finish this today but I got one large iced coffee and well... things happened. Anyway, enjoy! Let’s hope the format won’t mess up this time. T.T Finally, all hell broke loose~ <3

Tag list!

@negincho, @jhornytrash, @jaeminhyuckiii, @jungwoosswhore, @jsturkey, @aj-7, @pukupukupawpau, @tomiesgirlfren, @vsszn, @those-winternights, @xsnelly, @lihyuck, @laheyspizza, @miyeux27, @haoshitt, @mindofthescattered, @huangberryyy, @d1nne, @choppedupcactus, @neokat, @yutasnabi

#nct dream yandere au #nct dream yandere #nct dream yandere fic #jaemin x reader #jeno x reader #renjun x reader #haechan x reader #nct dream 00 line fic #nct dream 00 line x reader #nct horror au #nct dream yandere imagines #jaehyun x reader #yandere!nct dream #yandere!jaemin #yandere!jeno #yandere!renjun #yandere!haechan #nct-writers #yandere!nct dream 00 line

305 notes · View notes