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Steve and Eddie- 💦🤬⛈

Thank you for the prompt, anon! ❤️ Here's just over 6k of these dumb guys being in love

E/ddie is in a grumpy mood and hoping that his date with S/teve will cheer him up - but a sudden rainstorm and bout of insecurity might get in the way of that

(I kind of based this after this fic and before all my others where they've been together for a while - I still need to write a fic about them getting together in this sort of AU I've gradually created - but you don't need to read anything else though, it's ultimately just snz porn 😅)

~~~~~~

Content: M/M, Established (but relatively new) relationship, both S/teve and E/ddie have the fetish, E/ddie gets off to his own sneezing, pollen allergies, a LOT of mess (not too graphic but just in case!), blow jobs, cumming in pants, little bit of humiliation, just guys being dudes

CW: Just in case, characters feeling insecure about the fetish momentarily

NSFW, minors dni etc etc etc

“Heh-ENGXtchh!! NGXtchhh!! IGXT’chieww!! Ehdt’TCHIEWW!! FUCK, man…”

Eddie swiped under his nose for what felt like the fiftieth time since the start of this latest Corroded Coffin jam session. Gareth had closed the garage door for him in an attempt to fend off the offending pollen, but the damage had already been done – long before he’d even arrived, if he was being honest. These fucking allergies.

He pointedly ignored the somewhat wary round of blessings his bandmates offered. He was embarrassed as hell, normally able to stifle his hay fever into submission quite successfully if need be. He didn’t care so much about Gareth seeing him this way, not when he’d seen much, much worse over the years – but he didn’t feel like having a full-on allergy attack in front of anyone who wasn’t Steve right now, and even that was debatable. He cleared his throat and stood tall.

“Okay, second chorus, from the top!”

His voice broke slightly mid-sentence and he almost ground his teeth in frustration. This was a bad fucking allergy day. Normally he would have called band practice off with some half-assed excuse to avoid the aggravation. He should have learned about trying to suppress his sneezing for too long, especially after the recent humiliating debacle where he had what could only be described as a semi-nuclear allergic reaction at Steve’s house, in front of all his new friends. That everyone had been super cool about it, and that the discovery of his and Steve’s mutual fetish from that night had urged him to pursue the younger man, was irrelevant. He liked attention, craved it, but only if it was the kind that he cultivated willingly for himself.

Luckily, the sheer grumpiness he was experiencing today was somewhat working to curtail the inconvenient physiological response he was prone to after a consistent bout of sneezing. His cock was cowering away from him, not unlike the rest of Corroded Coffin, for which he was entirely grateful. Being in a bad mood still sucked - he took no pleasure in this moodiness. Tyranny was only fun if he was in complete control of his own emotions.

Gareth counted them in and they started up again. For about twenty minutes Eddie was able to forget his allergies and play for all he was worth. He’d been working on his vocals, trying his best to project from his diaphragm rather than screaming his throat sore, and he was thrilled to find that it was actually making a difference. He didn’t have that long to appreciate it, however, spinning away from his friends mid-song with a sudden wrenching gasp, falling into a fit of violent sneezes.

“IGT’TCHiewww!! Ehh’NGXTT’Chieww!! DZZ’Shieww!! HAGT’TCHieww!!”

They tickled so much his eyes swam with tears. They were also, to his chagrin, particularly high-pitched and desperate sounding. His cock twitched minutely for a moment in his pants and he blushed, hiding in his hair as much as he was able whilst his body spasmed under the assault. This was no good, no good at all. He reared back for the definitive sneeze of the fit, massive inhale stretching his chest to capacity.

“HEHH-ENGXTCHH’tsiewww!!!”

Holy fuck, that had been big. Not only that, it had been messy. He clapped a hand to his face to conceal the productive results, blush burning his cheeks. Still angled away from his bandmates, he fumbled for his bandana, cursing when he came up empty. Just his fucking luck. He sniffled reflexively, cringing at the thick crackling sound of it.

“Gross, dude…”

He span round immediately, anger and humiliation pulsing through him in waves.

“Why don’t you fuck off, Tim!” He spat, trying his best to look intimidating behind the hand clamped to his face.

“Oookay, guys, let’s take five, yeah?” Jeff sighed, placing his guitar neatly up against an amp before making his way into Gareth’s house. He slapped Tim on the shoulder, urging him to follow. Tim gave Eddie one last pointed glare before taking the hint and skulking off through the garage door. Eddie watched him leave, snuffling into his hand.

Gareth, who had silently watched the whole thing unfold from behind his drum kit, made his way over to a stack of shelves in the corner, retrieving a half empty box of tissues. He would never tell Eddie that he’d left it there specifically for him and that nobody had used it before or since the last time he’d been suffering with nasal difficulties at his house. He walked back over to his friend, punching him gently on the arm and pushing the box of tissues into his free hand.

“If I say ‘god bless you’, will you bite my head off?”

Eddie grumbled something that Gareth didn’t quite catch before turning around, balancing the box on his guitar and yanking a bundle of tissues out as best he could with one hand. The drummer gave him some privacy, mindlessly tinkering with the cymbals of his kit and trying his best not to wince at the incredibly thick nose blows that pierced the otherwise companionable silence.

The older man finished clearing out his sinuses as best he could and groaned. He hated losing his temper like that. Tim was right, of course – this was objectively gross, even if he would subjectively love to see Steve in the same state he was currently in. He leaned against the wall with his eyes closed, willing himself to lighten up.

“Bad allergy day?”

Eddie cracked open an eye and peered at Gareth, who was smiling with faux innocence back at him.

“Whadt tipped you off, Nandcy Drew?” He sniped, cringing only slightly at the additional Ds his swollen sinuses sprinkled into the sentence.

Gareth put his hands up in wordless surrender, smiling softly and deciding to leave it. Eddie was aware he was being handled like a recalcitrant beast with a thorn in its paw, and if it had been anyone other than the drummer he would have lashed out in response to the overcautious mollycoddling. But it was Gareth, so he merely closed his eyes again and listened as the drummer fucked around with various drum fills. He muffled another fit of itchy sneezes into a tissue, acknowledging the blessing from his friend with a nod.

“You seeing Steve today?” He heard Gareth ask after a beat.

“…Yeah. Unfortunately. I mean – because I’m – y’know.” Eddie gestured at his face.

“It’s no big deal, dude. He doesn’t seem like the type to care.”

Eddie knew that was an understatement. Steve fucking loved seeing him like this, and normally the metalhead would welcome the undivided attention and subsequent orgasms. But they were still so new, the pair of them – neither had been with a guy before (not that Eddie had really had much more experience with girls than a few drunken hand jobs at the senior parties he used to crash), and they were trying to take things slow. They hadn’t even formally named their relationship out loud, though it was obvious to the both of them this was far more than a mutual crush.

It wasn’t so much that Eddie wished they didn’t have this – shared interest, in sneezing. It was that he was painfully aware of how distracting he was being when he hung out with Steve. Sometimes he wanted to carry out a full conversation without sneezing himself breathless and leaving the younger man with a raging boner, driving himself wild in the process. Not that he could blame him – he’d just about lost his mind the first time Steve had sneezed against his neck, coming into the younger man’s hand in an embarrassingly short amount of time.

This allergy season had been so much worse than any other he could remember, and wondered if it had something to do with his stint in the upside down. It would be just his luck if all those nasty spores and particles had exacerbated his already impressive reactions to pollen. Even if it had been the catalyst to hooking up with Steve, even if he combusted with pleasure every time it earned him a blessing from the object of his desire, it was getting old, fast.

“Yeah, I know. But Tim is right, man – I’m gross. Sick of it.”

“Kid’s, like, not all there. I love the guy but he’s more than a little direct. You can’t take it to heart, man.”

Eddie nodded. He knew he was right. Tim was a socially awkward weirdo, the reason why they had all basically become friends in the first place. He was blunt, that was just the fact of the matter.

“Thanks, Gare. I just don’t want to fuck this up.”

“You won’t. I’ve seen the way Harrington looks at you – now that’s fucking gross. You googly eyed bastards eye-fucking each other, constantly. Yeah, don’t worry, he’s going nowhere.”

Eddie hurled a balled-up wad of tissues at him, laughing as he managed to hit the younger man square in the forehead and earning himself a disgusted shriek in response. He loved this stupid kid – he always seemed to know just what to say to cheer him up. He resolved to keep his temper for the rest of their jam sesh, nervously counting down the time to his date with Steve.

~~~~

He had to admit his low mood had at least been temporarily assuaged by the sight of Steve opening his door, a radiant smile on his face and visibly excited to see Eddie standing there. He drove the two of them out into a particularly scenic clearing he’d found in the woods – nobody else went out there anymore – and nervously laid out a ratty old picnic blanket and the food he brought with him. He felt pretty unoriginal, maybe kind of predictable, but Steve seemed thrilled all the same. Eddie’s cheeks hurt from smiling more in the past couple of months getting to know the younger man than he could remember ever before in his life. Maybe Gareth was right – they were googly eyed bastards. But no one else was around to see, so Eddie happily let Steve lay him down on the blanketed ground and suck a pattern of hickeys onto the column of his neck.

So far, his allergies were giving him minimal trouble. In the couple of hours after he’d woken up at noon (band practice was only at 1pm, so sue him), he’d been at his worst and taken a second round of allergy medication – probably just under the amount it would take him to get loopy off of the stuff. It had worked though, to a certain extent. He was still having little semi-regular fits of four or five, much to Steve’s appreciation, but it was just enough that he didn’t feel like a total mess.

He moaned as Steve sucked particularly hard at the junction of his neck and shoulder, vaguely aware of a creeping tickle lurking just beneath the surface. He sniffled and gripped harder at the fabric stretched over Steve’s muscular back, pressing his hips up against the thigh the younger man had lodged firmly between his legs. He continued to lean into the pleasure until the tickle proved too much –  it felt even stronger than before, buzzing insistently and with malicious intent. Fuck, yeah, he was definitely going to –

“S-Steve, mm’gonna-!! HDDZ’tschh!! Higxtt!! Heh’ENGXTCH’ieww! ‘Tssieww!!”

He rocked upwards with the force of them, attempting to suppress them as much as he was able. He aimed them over Steve’s shoulder, delicate clouds of spray misting the thin fabric of his t-shirt. His cock throbbed against the younger man’s thigh as his own legs reflexively squeezed around it, forcing a gasp out of him. Steve tensed before moaning against him, redoubling his efforts and sucking even harder.

“Bless you, Eds. You’re so allergic.”

Eddie felt his face pinken. It was everything he’d been fantasising about months – being with Steve, Steve getting off on him, getting off to his sneezes – but somehow, in this moment, he felt more insecure than he had since his gnarly allergic meltdown months prior. It was so stupid – that whole thing had more than proven to him that Steve didn’t find him disgusting, that he could actually be perceived as attractive even at his absolute worst. He should be fine. Why wasn’t he fine?

The confusion and discomfort brought back his sour mood in an instant, and he gently pushed at Steve. To his credit, the younger man immediately backed off, helping Eddie sit up, a broad hand supporting his back.

“What’s wrong, dude? I didn’t – I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No, no, you’re good. It’s just-“

“Allergies bothering you?”

Eddie looked at Steve, saw the genuine concern on his face, but also the way his eyes lit up over the mention of his allergies. His stomach flipped. God, what was wrong with him?

“It’s – it’s not that. I mean, yes, but it’s – it’s-“

He groaned in frustration, gripping his head in hands and leaning forward so that his long tresses fell over his face. Steve sat back, giving him a moment to collect his thoughts. Eddie could practically feel the anxious energy radiating off of him in waves. He had to fix this. He couldn’t let Steve think he was the problem. But god, was he? He opened his mouth to speak, not knowing quite what would come out but willing to give it a try.

“I feel like – and this is gonna sound so strange – but like – maybe you like my – my sneezing, more than you like me? And don’t get me wrong, I get it, man, I’m into the same shit – fuck, you know that. I just – can’t be sure, when I’m having these – reactions, that you’re, you know, with me because you actually like – well, me. Umm…”

He trailed off, letting the meaning of his well-intentioned rambling sink in. It sounded ridiculous, and he cringed waiting for Steve’s reprobation. Instead, he felt Steve gently tilting his head towards his own, forcing him to look into his eyes. He looked painfully sad. Eddie opened and closed his mouth, his vocal tenacity leaving him as quickly as it had come.

“Do I really make you feel that way?” Steve asked in a small voice.

He looked so crestfallen that Eddie had the distinct realisation that this must be what it felt like to kick a puppy.

“Steve, I’m sorry – just ignore what I said, man, it’s cool.”

He watched as the younger man shook his head.

“No. I can’t ignore it. Oh, man,”

Eddie watched him run a hand through his perfect hair, a distinctly anxious gesture.

“I’m not good at this, dude. I’m not good at making people happy. I’m always fucking up but I’m never sure why, and then it blindsides me.”

Eddie shook his head. He opened his mouth, wanting to reassure Steve that he made him happier than anyone he’d ever met before, but paused when the younger man raised a hand softly, signalling to let him finish.

“I try my best to do what I think I should be doing, but no matter what, I’m always waaay off the mark. I know how to hook up with people, but actually getting them to stay is something I just seem to be incapable of.”

He looked at Eddie and smiled. It looked so weary that his heart skipped a beat.

“If I came across, like, overly enthusiastic about the f-fetish stuff,” He faltered slightly, starting to blush. “I’m so sorry. I’ve never been in this position before, and I thought since you liked it too, I didn’t need to hold back. What I mean to say is – I’m good with sex, that’s what I know best. But clearly I’ve done a terrible job of making you realise how much I like you. Because I do like you, man – haven’t felt this way since anyone but Nance, and even then – this is just – it’s a lot.”

Eddie nodded, watching him intently. Steve ran his hand through his hair again.

“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry. For making you feel like I was using you just for sex or to scratch some perverted itch. I’m not very smart. I mean, everyone knows that.”

“Steve.”

“And I’m not sure how to make you see that I’m pretty much crazy about you. I thought maybe if I just – showed you in the way I know best-“

“Steve.”

Eddie reached out for him and pulled him into a fierce hug. Steve practically melted in his arms, the emotional spiral Eddie had sensed building up blessedly abating under his touch.

“I like you too. A stupid amount. And I don’t think I did a very good job of letting you know, either.”

He pulled back to look Steve in the eyes.

“I mean, what gives, man? It sounded like you thought I wanted to stop seeing you, or something.”

When Steve gave an awkward shrug, Eddie’s jaw dropped open.

“Harrington, you cannot be serious. Tell me you didn’t genuinely think I wanted to end things with you over that pathetic little monologue of mine?”

“Like I said, man. I’m dumb.”

“Ughh, Steve, you need to stop with this low self-esteem shit, honey,” The pet name slipped out before he could help it, but it didn’t seem to bother the younger man, who snuggled even closer to him.

“How about this? I stop ragging on myself when you actually let yourself believe that I want to be with you for more than a gratuitous lay, alright?” Steve said, jabbing him in the chest with an outstretched finger.

“Ooh, big word.”

“Fuck off!”

Steve wrestled him to the ground, pinning Eddie onto his back whilst the metalhead laughed with raucous abandon. Steve silenced him with a kiss.

“I’m serious, Munson. Wanna be with you. And I’ll back off with the – the sneezing stuff, if you want.”

Eddie smirked up at him.

“Jesus, you’re cute when you’re flustered. And god no, please don’t stop! You’ve convinced me. You like me, I like you, grass is green. We’re both not very good at this. I think we should kiss over it.”

Steve smiled down at him and leaned in to resume their making out when Eddie felt the familiar plip of a droplet of moisture bursting against his cheek. He thought Steve might have actually drooled on him for a split second, when there was another small splash against his forehead. And another. And another.

He craned his neck back to peer up at the sky. Clear and serenely blue only minutes earlier, it was now brimming with chubby, grey rainclouds.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!”

And with that, the heavens opened up.

~~~~

Eddie was pissed. No, that was an understatement – he was livid. He hadn’t had the foresight to expect rain – a summer storm, a typical occurrence in Hawkins, and yet. He’d been so set on taking Steve on a traditional, normal date that he had effectively mentally eliminated any alternative outcomes to their outing other than a romantic little picnic in the afternoon sun, followed by cuddling and sex. Maybe escalating beyond the hand jobs they’d been trading, if they were feeling a little braver.

“God DAMMIT-!” He cursed as the rain seemed to pound down even harder. Luckily, they’d been able to locate a sheltered area on the edge of the clearing and duck into it before it really started to pour, escaping with minimal dampness. And it was warm, so at least they wouldn’t freeze. However, they’d abandoned the blanket and food in their single-minded urgency, realising only after they’d scurried well out of sight from them. His irritation at this mindless fuck up was only further stoked by the physical discomfort he was currently enduring. The way his wet bangs clung to his forehead felt disgusting; his sneakers were damp and his jeans clung to ankles. Alone, these sensations and gripes were inconsequential – but combined, they were a lethal mood killer.

He felt Steve reach out and squeeze his shoulder in consolation. When Eddie didn’t respond, staring moodily down at his own knees as he sat hugging them to his chest, Steve reached out and pulled him into a clumsy side-hug. The older man grunted, not thrilled about feeling even more wet fabric pressed up against his own sopping clothes, but enjoying the physical closeness nonetheless.

“You’re such a grump. A cute little grump.”

Steve murmured in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. Eddie knew he could feel the responsive trembling, lips curling into a smile against the shell of his ear.

“Come on, Eds. Compared to what we’ve both been through? This is nothing.”

Eddie sighed, finding that although his bitterness persisted, Steve’s presence was a welcoming distraction.

“Somehow, Stevie, that doesn’t really make me feel any better.”

“Want me to sing you a song? I do a really good Phil Collins.”

The metalhead snorted and butted Steve’s cheek gently with his own.

“You do not. I was present for that Karaoke fiasco, Harrington. Leave it to the professionals.” He jabbed at his own chest with a thumb.

“Whatever, man. You liiiked it.” Steve sing-songed against his jawline.

Eddie meant to respond, but was stopped dead in his tracks by the familiar but daunting sensation of an intensely allergic tickle beginning to culminate. He moaned, reaching up with a fist and roughly mashing his nose around, hoping to bully the urge into submission, but no cigar. He could hear the damp squishing noise his sinuses made, worrying his nostrils pink with the effort. He had forgotten temporarily that if anything seemed to aggravate his allergies even more, it was rain.

He glanced at Steve, already feeling his eyelids fluttering in preparation for the release.

“Hh-Hh!! Steve, really gonnnnaa-hah..!! Hh, Start sneezing in a minute, fuck….”

He took in the hungry expression on Steve’s face, the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. He managed a little smirk at the way Steve’s eyes flitted about his face, taking in his flaring nostrils one moment, his furrowed brow the next. He sniffled, more to watch how Steve would react, but then realising he was a lot stuffier than he had originally thought.

“Ugh, I’m probably gonna….make a hh-HH!! Hahh mess….”

He heard the soft sound the younger man made in the back of his throat, felt the way the arm slung around his shoulders pulled him incrementally closer.

“That’s ok, Eds. I don’t mind.”

“Mmm, I’m sure you don’t, big boy…Hh!!”

Steve blushed and shot him a bashful little smile. It was probably one of the cutest things Eddie had ever seen, and he suddenly felt just as shy as Steve looked.

“Can I…keep holding you? While you sneeze? Is that ok?”

Eddie pressed a pair of fingers under his flaring nostrils, temporarily abating the building tickle just enough to respond.

“M-more than okaayyy-HH!! Wanted that f-for-! Months, now!! Ohhh, Steve, Mm’gonna-!! Need’ta-!!”

“I’ve got you, baby.”

Eddie’s head swam at the sudden pet name, feeling as if he’d hurtled over the peak of the world’s tallest roller coaster. For a moment, the butterflies and giddiness threatened to overwhelm the need to sneeze, but as always, the tickle in his nose reigned supreme. He sucked in one final choppy breath before he was sent sprawling forward, helpless as the pollen teased him breathless.

“Hh-HHDT!! DZZSSHH’IEWW!! H’ENGXT’TCHIEEWW!! IGSSCH!! GXXT’Shieww!!”

He felt Steve pulling him closer, turning him effortlessly towards him so that he was halfway into his lap and sneezing towards his chest. Each sneeze felt as if they only exacerbated the tickle, leaving him gasping, tears starting to spill down his cheeks.

“HIGG’Shiewww!! EhhHDT’Tchieww!! IGXXT’tsieww!! HHhohh my godddDXXSH’Ieww!! Hahh!”

Everywhere Steve touched him, he burned in exquisite agony. His nostrils flared in and out as the tickle toyed with him, breath hitching dramatically. He knew he was making a scene; knowing that Steve was hanging on to his every gasp and sigh made the experience all the more pleasurable. His cock throbbed in his jeans.

“EHH’GXXTT’SHIieww!! HGSHHH!! GSHHH’ieww!! EHH’NGXTTtchhh!!”

His nose was running down to his top lip now, dangerously close to overflowing. He reached up with a shaky hand, intending to cover, but felt Steve grasp him by the wrist and gently lower it again. By this point, the younger man had shifted him to sit completely in his lap, and as Eddie hitched towards another round of impossibly tickly sneezes, Steve gently pressed his head down to lean against his shoulder. Eddie gripped frantically at the cotton of Steve’s shirt, grounding himself, before sneezing violently down and across the younger man’s chest. He could hear Steve mumbling reassuringly to him throughout.

“Holy shit, Munson, Bless you – Bless you! So tickly…It’s okay, I’ve got you. You sound so good, Eds. So hot. Fuckkk….Bless you, bless you!”

Eddie’s face was burning, both with the effort of the overwhelming reaction to the pollen and the intoxicating pleasure his own sneezes sent pulsing through his body. He would rather someone else sneeze, but damn if his own didn’t get him going when they rendered him a helpless mess like this. His cock twitched with every expulsion, the releases that burst out of him sending pleasant shivers rippling from the base of his skull to the tips of his fingers and toes. Steve’s breathless encouragement only intensified the experience for him.

“hh-HH-HDDT-!! HIGGG’TSHHIEWW!! TSSHIEWW!! EHHSHHH’IEWww!! ENGGXTCHHH!!!”

He felt mess burst from his flared nostrils with that last body-crunching sneeze, sending twin tendrils hanging over his lips. He felt Steve wipe most of it away with his bare fingers, and the kinkiness of the gesture made his hips buck. And still he sneezed.

“GGGSSHH’IIEWW!! Hh, HEH!! Heh’EGXTT’SHieww!! HNGXTCHH!! GXXXTT’Shiewww!!”

Finally, it felt like the tickle was cresting into a definitive, final explosion. He moaned, not sure if he could handle something of the magnitude the building sensation promised, but all the same he was gasping, head jogging against Steve’s shoulder, back expanding within Steve’s embrace. He hitched once, twice, three times before the sneeze held him on the edge in a silent grimace – and then he was lurching forward, almost sending the pair of them sprawling backwards onto the forest floor with the force of it.

“HEEEIHHHH’DZZZTSHHIEWWW!!! Hahhh-!”

He panted, nuzzling his nose against Steve’s shoulder and wrapping his arms round his waist. Dizzy and exhausted, he slumped against the solid weight of the younger man, luxuriating in the aftermath of that all-encompassing fit. He was painfully hard now. He felt Steve stroking his hair and rubbing his back with broad, open-palmed strokes. He opened his bleary eyes for the first time since his fit had begun, previously unable to do so under the persistent assault.

“Jesus Christ…”

He muttered under his breath, taking in the extent of the damage he’d caused. Steve’s baby blue shirt was almost transparent where it clung to his chest, saturated with the result of Eddie’s impressive allergies as it was. There was further mess dripping slowly downwards, gluing the shirt to his abdomen as it sunk into the fabric. He tentatively looked up at Steve, not quite knowing if he had crossed over the delicate line of sexy to disgusting. One quick glance at the former jock’s ruined expression was all it took to reassure him that he was still very much securely in the sexy camp. He smiled coyly.

“Told you I’d make a mess.” He sniffled for emphasis and rubbed his runny nose against Steve’s shoulder until it sported twin damp patches.

Steve kissed into his hair, and Eddie noticed that he was panting too.

“That was – amazing. Holy shit. I mean – wow!!”

Eddie laughed fondly at how winded the other man sounded, more than a little pleased with himself. It felt so good to sneeze as hard as his body desired, and to know that he was turning King Steve on by being a sloppy, allergic mess was more than a little erotic. He felt like he’d come with just a few brisk jerks of his cock.

“Mm’glad you liked it.” He giggled shyly, a little loopy in the aftermath of it all.

Steve lifted his head up gently by the chin, scanning his face with eyes full of emotion.

“Are you okay?? Fuck, that was so intense. Your allergies, man….”

Eddie nodded.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, you heard me – before, at your place. It can get a little – ridiculous, if I’m not on top of medication. Or when I’m outside in the elements. Or when it rains – god, especially when it rains!”

Steve laughed.               

“Yeah, man, I see that now.” He reached down to touch the slick fabric of his shirt. Eddie didn’t miss the way his breath caught as his fingers slipped over it.

Emboldened, he wiped his nose roughly along the back of his hand and a little further up his arm, grateful to be wearing a sleeveless shirt, before gripping Steve by the collar and pulling his head close.

“Want me to get you off, Harrington? Want me to make you come all over the forest floor?” He murmured against Steve’s lips.

Eddie was expecting a moan of some kind, but not the half-strangled groan that Steve emitted, reaching up to cover his burning face with a broad, tan hand. Confused, the metalhead reached down to grip Steve’s erection – finding a distinctly soft cock and a huge wet patch spread across the mouth-wateringly tight Levi’s that the younger man favoured. He gaped, eyes round in surprise, and stared at Steve in a look of silent amazement. Steve peered at him through the protective cage of his fingers and moaned again.

“I – it’s because – you were so-! And I-!”

As Steve flailed and spluttered, a grin spread wider and wider across Eddie’s face. Holy shit. He had made Steve motherfucking Harrington come in has pants, untouched. He had done that. Holy shit.

“Stevie, did you jizz in your pants for little old me?” He drawled, delighting in the deepening blush that spread all the way to the tips of the younger man’s ears. He leaned forward and gently bit one, feeling the heat of the blood radiating from the delicate skin.

“…Yes. I did. I swear, I’m not-! This hasn’t happened before. You’re just…so hot,” Steve admitted, leaning into the tiny kisses that Eddie pressed along the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks.

“So sensitive, Stevie. I like that.”

He kissed Steve firmly on the mouth, both of them moaning at the sensation of Eddie’s slick nostrils and cupid’s bow pressing up against Steve’s own nose. The older man gasped at the sudden grip of Steve’s palm cupping him through his jeans, thrusting into it instinctively. He was about several pumps away from coming into his pants himself when Steve released his hold. Eddie whined, his hips chasing the receding hand in vain. He looked up at the younger man impatiently.

“Can I suck you off?”

Eddie’s mouth dropped open. He hadn’t been expecting that. But the answer was an absolute, resounding yes.

“Please,” he whined against Steve’s mouth, feeling the younger man smile before starting to push him back onto the soft grass and up against the roots of a tree. It wasn’t the most comfortable position in the world, but the desire he felt for Steve eclipsed the minor discomfort. He watched as Steve eagerly unzipped his jeans and pulled out his cock, pumping it softly but firmly enough that Eddie’s head knocked back against the tree trunk with a gentle thunk. Steve paused for a moment.

“I should, uh, say – neither of us have been with guys before, so – this is my first time giving head. Sucking cock, I mean. I’m sorry if I’m not all that good after talking such a big game about sex before.”

Eddie let him finish, nodding his head.

“Well, Steve, rest assured that no matter what you do to me, you and your mouth have the unprecedented honour of taking my oral virginity. So go wild, honey.”

Steve blinked at him.

“Really?! You’ve never gotten a blow job before, not even once?”

Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Now I know it may come as a total shocker to the likes of you, pretty boy, but being the leader of the Hellfire Club and resident freak didn’t exactly leave me swimming in pussy. You’re my first almost everything, basically – or the only person that ever mattered.”

Steve started to jerk him off again.

“Aww, Eds…”

“Don’t patronise me, Harrington, I swear to god.”

“Sorry. Let me make it up to you.”

And with that, Steve took his cock into his mouth and sucked hard. Eddie groaned, reaching forward to grip gently at Steve’s hair but stopping just short, hands hovering in question. Steve peered up at him before guiding his hands to rest on his scalp.

“Just don’t pull hard, okay?”

“ohhh-kayy-ee!!” Eddie whimpered as Steve began to suck and lick him in a punishing rhythm, using one hand to jerk the rest of his cock he couldn’t fit in his mouth. The older man’s eyes rolled back into his head, once again thunking gently against the tree. Steve was a god damn natural. It felt just as good to have a mouth round his cock as he had imagined, moreso, even.

He panted, expression twisted in ecstasy, and looked down the length of his body to watch Steve work. They locked eyes, Eddie unable to look away as Steve’s head bobbed rhythmically, looking prettier than anyone had any right to as their cheek bulged with cock. He wouldn’t last – it was so good, too good, and he was already so on edge.

“God, Stevie, think you're gonna make me come already…! Oh god, oh fuck-!!”

Steve moaned, the vibrations travelling down Eddie’s cock and wrenching a keening wail from him. His eyes scrunched shut, mind replaying the intense sensations of his sneezing fit, the way Steve had held him, the way Steve had actually come in his pants over Eddie spraying him with snot – these pleasurable thoughts combined with a particularly strong suck against the head of his cock pushed him over the edge, coming with a wordless groan. The pleasure was intense, his strongest orgasm in a while, leaving his toes curling in his sneakers. When it finally subsided, he could only moan stupidly, fingers flexing in Steve’s hair.

He felt Steve pulling off of him, and watched as he spat a mouthful of cum onto the ground beside them. Eddie grinned goofily at him, endorphins overloading his system and making this sight far funnier than it should otherwise be.

“You’ll let me snot all over your chest, but you won’t swallow my cum?”

Steve shot him an overly dramatic look of disgust.

“You need to work on your diet.”

Eddie kicked at him feebly. Steve gently tucked him back into his pants and zipped them up.

“So…was I any good?” He grinned in a way that showed he knew just how well he’d done.

“You know you were, asshole. Are you sure that’s the first cock you sucked?”

“Well….I managed to reach the tip of my own with my tongue, one time.” Steve said nonchalantly, pulling Eddie upwards into a sitting position.

“Ha! Better than I managed. Almost threw my back out, and for what?” They both laughed at that.

“Hey, rain’s stopped!” Steve blurted out so suddenly Eddie nearly jumped.

“Shit, finally!”

Eddie made his way to his feet, shaking slightly as his legs were still a little wobbly in the aftermath of his first blow job ever. Steve stood up beside him and slapped him on the back in that distinctive fashion that all jocks and former jocks would continue to do for the rest of their lives.

“Let’s go find the stuff and then we can head to m-my place…Hh!!”

Eddie’s ears perked up immediately. He spun round and watched in delight as Steve barrelled forward with a sudden harsh triple, aimed haphazardly into an upraised elbow.

“HARRESSSHHIEWW!! AESSSHHHUU!! HHRRRSHHH’UU!! Ugh, god…’scuse me.” He sniffled and gently swiped under his nose with a crooked finger.

Even though he was still practically reeling in the aftermath of the orgasm he’d had not minutes earlier, Eddie’s spent cock gave an appreciative little twitch at the spraying sound of those powerful sneezes.

“Bless you, Stevie. Your timing is a little off, but I’ll take it.”

Steve laughed and nudged him gently with his shoulder, looking even more pleased with himself.

“The damp’s getting to me a little. Come home with me? It’s warm and we can…clean up.” He gestured towards his ruined t-shirt.

“Yeah. I’d like that. And Steve?” Eddie said as they made their way towards the clearing.

“Mmhm?”

“I think I want you to come in my mouth next.”

Steve yanked him forward by the wrist, breaking out into a half-run and slipping haphazardly on the wet grass, and Eddie laughed until tears pricked at the corner of his eyes.

~~~~~~

(Idk why I always write Steve cumming in his pants lmao.....he just looks like he would to me😤)

[pensat-i-fet]

Hiya! A bit of a long update today so get ready. First, let's look back at the past week and mention that we got 3 new chapters of Not Enough and…the series ends next week 😢 I had the best time posting this series so the feeling is even more bittersweet than usual. And I also posted 2 new chapters of First Love. I've been working on part 3 and stay tuned for the author's note on this one because the way this story changed from the original idea 😭 wild! But I'm very happy with how it's turning out.

Also, I posted an imagine last Saturday so if you haven't checked it out, you can find it here ☺️

Now, I promised last week that Micky's series was coming soon and…it'll start next Tuesday 🥳🥳 I need to draft the first chapters and find a photo for the cover but the most important part, the writing, is sorted so happy times!

I know not everyone will read everything I write. I know some people do, and I appreciate that more than you can imagine ❤️ though it's understandable that people will pick and choose what sounds more appealing to them. But still, I want each series to be different and feel different. So if someone wants to read Not Enough, First Love and Micky’s story at the same time, I hope they can get something different from each series. And that they don't feel they're just reading the same story but with different names, you know?

So Micky's is a bit more of a lighthearted series compared to others. First Love is a bit more intense, more dramatic in tone and subject matter. And don't get me wrong, Micky's series will have conflict as well and it's got a lot of heart. But…the feel of it is more cheerful, with banter, a lot of fluff, …I don't know. More rom-com, basically. I really enjoyed writing it because, to me, it feels like the most unique thing I've written for fanfics. Something I personally haven't done before. And that's fun!

Apart from all these ongoing projects that you're already reading or will be reading soon, I'm working on two other series. The writing never stops 😅 I'll keep you updated on that too ☺️ honestly, I'm just so happy nowadays with all the writing done and the love you guys show me when you read the stories ❤️ a few months ago, I was made aware of some dodgy stuff and it kind of made me a little sad. Regarding people copying others and such…not a fan. But the current positivity revolving around my writing is everything 🥰 so thank you to all who are part of this amazing community. 

[in-my-feels-probably]

Congrats on 1K!!! What an amazing feat!!

I wanted to request the 2nd option, a romantic fic with the maradures era. I go with she/her pronouns and would be liked to be matched up with a guy pls!

There are a lot of things I like.

A few years ago I used to be really timid and pessimistic, but with the help of my family and friends I got to grow out of my shell and improved a lot since then.

I can now stand up for myself when I feel like I've been wronged, I can also be okay with myself when I make a mistake and I am more into self care and treating myself than before. Now I have a optimistic view of the world, I like to view myself as a bit of a sunshine person now.

Of course everyone has their off days, their relapses and I'm no different, but I do think I'm getting better at handling those burst of negative emotions.

I love music, love to listen to all types of genres and I play the violin myself. I think of music as a universal language, where I can feel connected, expressive and warm.

I also love to read, I haven't picked up a book in a while but I'm reading a series right now and am beginning to fall in love again! The same thing goes with playing videogames, I've picked up a few and falled in love with it. I wish to keep up these hobbies.

Anime also does this to me, I have a deep connection with anime, as I've seen it with my family and hold great meaning to me. Especially Naruto since I watched the whole series with my brother. I get goosebumps watching an anime close to heart and smile my hardest when I hear the music.

I care deeply for my friends, hope the best in their lives. However, i do have a problem of comparing myself to them and their great feats and at times envy overcomes me. I know this projects my insecurities but I'm getting better at become more confident in myself and learning to be proud of myself.

Sports are my outlet, my main one being soccer and I've also wrestled and played rugby. I can forget about the stress of school and other personal stuff when I'm on the field and mat. For some reason I love contact sports, the exhaustion that comes with it and the reward that comes after is so satisfying.

I also love to make jokes, I cannot live a live without laughers and jokes to the point of crying. I love to tease my friends, be stupid and have fun. I believe that what life is for, enjoyment and laughter and bliss.

Thank you! And congrats once again!! ❤️❤️

hi!

thank you for participating :)

i ship you with sirius!

i think sirius would find your shyness endearing. he wouldn't mind moments when you were quiet, but he'd also be really proud of you in moments where you confidently carried yourself. he'd protect you if he needed to, but he'd be so much more proud to see you stand up for yourself. he'd love a girl with a little bit of bark, and he'd be very amused watching you put people in their place. but he'd also equally enjoy putting someone else in their place if he needed to. he'd never want you upset or uncomfortable, and would do whatever he could to make you feel good.

sirius knows better than anyone that there are some days where you wake up and can already tell its going to be a rough day. he'd really appreciate that youd be a support system for each other when one of you woke up feeling bad. and he'd also really love that you're an optimist. i think sirius has a really good heart, but he'd be more of a pessimist than an optimist. live has just made him that way. your optimism would give him hope.

sirius LOVES music. he'd be so excited that you're just as passionate about it as him. he'd really love that you're passionate about the things close to you, because he cares about music more than almost any hobby he has. he connects to it on a deep emotional level, and would really value you doing the same.

sirius cares about his friends more than he cares about himself. he'd do anything and everything for them, and would appreciate that you'd do the same. he'd notice when you felt a little insecure in the group, knowing you compared yourself to some of your friends. he'd make it a point to tell you that you were every bit as good as them, and that you were just as valued, if not more. he'd never want you to feel less than.

sirius could die a happy man knowing you liked sports. just like he and james put their all into quidditch and use it as an outlet, you'd do the same. seeing as you like sports, you'd of course go to every game that he was in. it would fill him with pride to see you in the stands, cheering him on.

jokes and pranks are one of sirius's favorite things in the world. humor is one of his little joys. being stupid with each other and enjoying each other's company would be his favorite. you'd tell jokes back and forth, laughing so hard until your stomachs hurt and tears were rolling down your faces.

in your downtime, sirius would have quidditch practice. he'd come back to the common room where you were reading while waiting for him, instantly easing as he sees you.

"did you have a good practice, love?" you'd ask, putting down your book.

he'd nod, humming. "yeah, it was good. i'm tired, though."

he'd dramatically flop onto the couch, laying his head in your lap. you'd smile down at him, taking his hand in yours.

"where's james?" you'd ask, making him grin.

"may or may not have hexed his broom to fly around the pitch. i expect he's still out there trying to catch it."

you playfully slapped his arm, although you couldn't stifle your chuckle. "sirius! that's not funny. what did he do to deserve that?"

"he nicked my stash of choclate frogs!'

you nodded, amused by his enthusiasm. "i see. so it was totally justifiable, then?"

he'd squeeze your hand, settling further into your lap. "now you're getting it, love."

--

so sorry for the wait! thanks again for participating :)

[unluckilyimnot]

Hiii

If you can, could you do part 3 of marrage with Rindou? When he realize he want to be with reader because he see Sanzu flirting with them?

Thank you❤️

type: fluff, light angst

wc: 2,6k

note: I took forever again, I’m really sorry. I do this and the other one just after so I won’t be late anymore. I’m really happy to see that you seem to love it that much ! looks like we love deep conversations in the car here lmao.

Same as the previous one, I’d really love feedback on it. Thank you ! 

Pt.1 || Pt.2

You always had a relationship with their corporation - this is why you and Rindou got married in the first place - but since he never wanted to see you, you just didn’t show up much there. Now that your relationship with him was better, you retake all the common projects between your father’s corporation and theirs. That way, you could see him more and get to know all the executive members. You never really meet up with them in the past, only knowing their names and what they look like but not personally. 

Let’s just say that you were surprised and in multiple ways. Regarding your own job, you get to see Kokonoi a lot and his prideful appearance was in fact only a facade. He was a really respectful guy and serious in his job, never underestimating you because you were a girl like a lot of people did before. Maybe since he knew that messing with girls from that type of family never ends well - regarding their own capacities or their parents’. He’s in fact the type to just appreciate when the job is well done and you happen to think the same. You two get along so well that sometimes, Rindou comes to his colleague’s office to find you when you don’t answer your phone. 

If there’s one thing that changes a lot, it’s the fact that Rindou accepts you as his equal. If you still weren’t his wife to his eye, you at least were a precious co-worker whose job is perfect and it was good for you. You never asked for too much and being able to talk to him and help him when he needed it was enough. But even if your heart was only looking for him, you knew how to separate this from your job and always tell him to wait if you’re already busy. Rindou must admit that it’s hot to see a girl so dedicated to her work, particularly his. He never thought he’ll think like this, but seeing you more often and talking with you changes his mind little by little through the last months. His mind didn't change that fast, but he has to admit that seeing you participate at all the meetings they got with their collaborators does something to him. Your serious expression has nothing to do with the smile you always tried to give him since you got married and he liked that. You’re a totally different person when you work and, somehow, he feels special to be able to see you smiling most of the time now that he knows how cold you look outside. He always thought you were a silly girl, kind to everyone when it wasn’t the case at all. Even with Kokonoi, which you grow closer to, you keep your calm looking. He realized his privilege pretty late now that he was thinking about it. 

Beside Kokonoi, you were pretty friendly with everyone at a colleague level. You were growing up closer to Ran too though for obvious reasons, but you didn't feel like working with him a lot, finding him hard to follow but great as a person. You could understand where Rindou gets some of his habits, well that’s what you say to Ran and the man then says to his brother. You two being closer than before doesn’t mean that you actually open up to each other ; you’re not there yet. Not that Rindou doesn’t want to now, he just doesn’t know how to get there. He’s not the best for that in the first place after all. He still felt awkward with this whole situation and the other executives being able to talk to you more freely than he could was messing with his mind and playing on his nerves. He doesn’t really care about them and you getting along, you’re just a co-worker for them just as much as he is. You have no obligation to talk to them at all, let say smiling and laughing with them so why were you doing it ? And why was it always Sanzu ? You keep your cool with Kokonoi but when Sanzu cracks pity jokes you smile at him ? Rindou hated himself to get angry at you when you weren’t in fact the problem. 

Since the day the pink-haired man said something about you, Rindou couldn’t get it out of his mind and was worried about his intentions or what he could do. He cares now, and he won’t let that man do anything to you. But you were going along with his pitiful game and it made Rindou mad. He was jealous because Sanzu was able to have this relationship with you when he couldn’t : he never spoke freely to you, let alone made you laugh. All Rindou was wondering was how he could ever do that. 

His laugh was getting on his nerves. Sanzu’s flirty manners and smile got him sick but Rindou was scared to leave. What if Sanzu makes a move on you when he’s gone ? All he could do was watch over you, without saying anything. You seemed to be fine so it would be weird if he suddenly asks you to go, and on the other hand nothing was holding him back to just punch Sanzu in the face but, for some reasons, he just doesn't want you to see him do that. Yet, from time to time, your eyes and smile goes to him. Cute, little smile as if you were checking on him too, and he felt love. You always were like this he supposed, but accepting it was so much softer and tender. You didn’t force him to participate but your smile was enough to get him at ease. He was impressed in fact, he never thought that this simple thing he used to hate would become so sweet to him one day. The shitty behavior of his colleague wasn’t just bad in the end. It made Rindou realize how much he cared for you now, that he wanted you all for himself and he doesn’t feel bad about it. That’s what you were waiting for, no ? 

During the discussion, Sanzu bent over, closer to you and Rindou swore he will get up and smack Sanzu’s face for good this time but, to his release, Kokonoi comes into the room asking for you. You nod and get up to leave immediately, Sanzu whining to his colleague for stealing you but you didn’t really pay much attention to this. You saw how tense Rindou was and ran your hand across his shoulders while passing behind him. The little and simple touch sends shivers down the man’s spine and he turns back to look at you before you leave with a little smile for him, your perfume still around him. 

Rindou waits a little, just for you to be out of his view before finally getting up and brutally catching Sanzu’s collar. His jaw clenched at the cocky smile on the other face.

“Don’t ever get that close to her,” he breathly said, holding back his anger, only to get laugh at. 

“What ? You love her now ?” asks Sanzu with a manic laugh, searching to tease him. It was like forcing him to say it when he wasn’t ready yet. And he doesn’t want anyone but you to know it first. Before he could say anything, the door opened again and you got inside. You didn’t say anything, only narrowing your eyes at Sanzu that just scoffed at your different behavior. Rindou was right, he’s the only one who can get an honest smile from you. Picking up your bag and jacket, you stopped behind Rindou that hasn't let go of his colleague yet. 

“I’m going home Rindou, you’re coming ?” You calmly questioned as if he wasn't ready to punch his teammate.

“You’re already done ? It was fast” he answers with a question before letting go of Sanzu and going to take his own jacket. You just hum in response, walking to the open door. He quickly followed you, not paying attention to Sanzu anymore. Following you through the building like he wasn't the one working here, you two soon arrive at the parking lot. You decided to get home with his car. It was the first for you two to get home together and a little smile took place on your lips the moment you got in and locked your belt. You were just happy to spend time with him and to see that he seems content too. Rindou was silent and, even if you’re used to it and he told you it’s common from him, with what happened with Sanzu you wanted to talk to him. You didn’t really get over the fact that you used to make him angry every time before so it’s hard for you to engage in any kind of conversation but you also know that if you don’t, he won’t do it either. 

“What happened with Sanzu earlier ?” you ask slowly while looking at him curiously. “If you don’t want to talk about it it’s fine.” You add immediately after to not push any pressure on him. 

“It’s fine,” he says, resting his arm on the armrest as he drives. He wanted to think before talking, just to put it in a way that will leave boundaries again but he doesn’t want them anymore. Thinking before talking will not help him this time, he knew it. So he prefers to be honest and speak his heart out and insecurities for once. “I don’t like the way Sanzu acts around you, not just today but in general. He made some jokes that actually made me worry about leaving you alone with him…” Looking at you sideways, he could catch your surprised expression. He’s worried about you ? It seems a bit more evident with the past few weeks but hearing him saying that makes your heart pound faster. Him not leaving you two alone earlier makes it even more meaningful for you. 

“Did you hear what Sanzu said before you got in ?” suddenly asks Rindou, getting you out of your mind. His hand was now close to his lips, his thumb running back and forth lightly on it and you had to get focus again. It was on his mind. If you’ve heard, then he’ll tell you, if you didn’t, he’ll keep it for himself. 

“I did,” you answered, getting yourself together on your seat, “but I didn’t know if I could say it since you didn’t respond and I was honestly scared of it.” Your honestly will cost you your life one day, thinks Rindou, but he was still glad that you were with him. You've always been, that’s probably what scares him at first. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I’m fine you know.” You add, now looking through the window to run away from his look. In fact, you just don’t want him to say that he doesn’t, being closer to him makes you want him even more and you didn’t know if you could endure a ‘no’. Rindou went silent, making you think the answer was still a negative. The whole mood flopped, you became kinda gloomy and your smile was gone, making him feel terrible. Making him want to hold you. Thankfully, the ride was about to end and you would soon be able to lock yourself in your office, getting out only when you’ll be sure he was sleeping. 

Getting out of the car silently and without waiting for him, you walk straight to the entrance with him following your tracks. He didn’t know what to say, how to say it and when, but he had to be honest with you just as much as you were. After leaving your jacket and shoes in the hall, you were about to walk away when he caught your wrist. “I do.” he just says without looking at you.You frown at his words, not understanding what he was talking about and not really in the mood to talk anymore. 

“To answer Sanzu’s question,” he clarifies, “I do now.” He looked at you a second but couldn’t maintain eye contact, he just wanted to see your expression. You were shocked to say the least, your heart was going through a roller-coaster and the mood to talk was suddenly back. Released could be seen in your eyes and it made him feel better. His heart was still racing while waiting for your answer but he knew you’ll be happy, normally. Your turn fully to him as he let go of your wrist but you didn’t know what to say, biting your lips at the awkward situation as you were thinking. 

“That mean we can act like a normal couple ?” you ask carefully, not daring to look at him either. He hums at your words. “We can talk freely to each other, not just for business you know and you, I mean, we can, you know,” he struggles to get his words out of his mouth and the way he moves his hands when he is about to talk about physical touch was cute. He wasn’t new to it at all but with you it just still seems weird, like he doesn’t deserve it after all he did. You took his hands in yours slowly before smiling at him. “Yeah, I know.” 

You contain yourself to just hug him at the moment, because it would probably be strange for both of you, but knowing that your crave for physical touch, his hands in yours or him holding you would be slowly relieved makes you smile even more. You’ll be able to be in love with him without it being a problem and you couldn't ask for anything else. All the dreams of the little girl you were became true and you said to yourself that it was worth the wait. 

“Can I say it ?” you ask, a small smile on your lips as you look at him with doe eyes. 

“Say what ?” respond Rindou, truly confused, still focuses on your hand in his and the way his thumb slowly starts to stroke your soft skin by reflexes. “That I love you, silly,” you giggle. Blinking a few times before looking at you again, he just nods, making you smile widened. 

“I love you, Rindou,” you then said while smiling at him. Rindou didn’t know how to answer, he wasn’t feeling confident enough to say it back and felt bad to leave you like this. “You don’t have to say it back until you’re ready, don’t worry.” you laugh but he pulled you closer to him instead of just nodding at your words, hugging you for the first time. If you were happy before, now you are just on the verge of crying thanks to it. His arm lightly wrapped around you feels better than what you ever imagined and missing it so much for so many years makes it more relevant to you. When for Rindou, it was just the first step as a normal and loving husband and he has to admit that it feels different when you’re actually in love to hug someone. He doesn’t regret anything, and was even happy to have you close to him. He’ll get used to it, maybe addicted but it would be the one. 

I’m definitely not good enough yet right haha but not that bad either I guess. I hope you liked it ! 

[vrepit-salutatorian]

w-wait... you actually want me to go off about it? because i’d actually really love to thanks m8❤️ (also very cringy essay alert, so sorry about this...)

its honestly a whole mess of everything. basically the thing that caused it is this guy likes me and i like him but i keep subconsciously trying to find reasons why it’s a bad idea and logicking myself out of my feelings. and it’s very clear that we’re both interested in each other and i was just like why can’t i do anything about it???

and i came to the realization that my imposter syndrome was getting in the way bc i feel like someone like me, who’s always classified themself as a nerd/loser-type, shouldn’t be in this kind of situation, because guys don’t typically like me, they’re typically very intimidated by me, and when a guy does show interest in me, it’s not the kind of guy he is (very sweet and genuine, but also very much a very good-looking jock-type). i feel like such an imposter because, and this is gonna sound so cliché and stereotypical and im sorry, but i know im not the kind of girl that guys like that usually go for, and i fear he thinks i am that girl because i met him on a cruise and i was a lot more social there because my reputation as “super smart, responsible buzzkill person” didn’t follow me there. and no, i didn’t do anything on that cruise that i wouldn’t normally do bc, again, im not that kind of person, but i feel like if i keep being weird he’s gonna run away, but at the same time, i know he knows what kind of a person i am already, so im just really confused.

but this whole situation has also got me feeling like an imposter with my self-characterization as a nerd/loser-type, because i feel comfortable in that. its gonna sound so dumb, but that label feels safe to me because that’s who ive always been, but everyone keeps telling me im not and while a part of me appreciates it, the other part of me gets really uncomfortable because it feels like part of my identity is being taken from me against my will. people always use the example “you were prom queen!!! that means you’re PoPuLAr!!” and while that was cool and all, i see myself as the kid that hides in the bathroom during dances, and im definitely not the archetype of the “popular girl” in any sense of the word. i think i just see myself differently than others do because im usually very comfortable in my skin and therefore can project a lot of confidence where there’s actually a lot of insecurity and im in this weird limbo of trying to redefine who i am (especially since im about to go to college).

so yeah... i don’t really feel like myself anymore. at least, i feel like i changed into a different person but i didn’t notice, and i don’t feel like the person that people think i am. i feel like im lying to say that im confident and beautiful, but now i also feel like im lying to say that im awkward and weird. i know that im some combination of all of them but it feels so strange to not have a real label to define myself with without feeling like an imposter. and yeah, all those things combined amalgamate into one big puddle of self-doubt and anxiety and god, i just wanted to date this guy and why did other people and my own second-guessing brain have to start ruining things for me again?? so to sum it all up, my imposter syndrome basically causes me to flee when i see success/good things ahead because i feel like that success is for someone else and i don’t deserve it.

well, sophia. i gotta say thanks, seriously. that was so nice to be able to just say and i sincerely appreciate it. that really helped, and if you’d like, id love to hear what’s setting off your imposter syndrome too and maybe we can help each other, @realshowstopper :)

-best wishes,

vrepit

Ooh imposter syndrome is back tonight folks !!!!