#thank you so much for your patience and understanding while we've been dealing with these illnesses the past two months

[modmad]

irl stuff summary

hey folks you might know that I'm very busy with a lot of things, but there's a fairly big one and I feel it's time to tell you. I'm putting this under a cut because it's kind of heavy! if you don't need that kinda thing please continue on your merry way and I love you. Just know I have some Stuff going on irl which is gona be draining for me.

Long story short, my dad has terminal cancer. It's going to be rough, we don't know how much longer we'll have him for, but I appreciate your ongoing patience and understanding if/as this starts to affect my output of work. The family is dealing with it as best we can, there's a lot of love here and I'm very lucky for that, but it's not going to be easy. We've known for a few months but yeah I felt it was time to tell you (he's okay with it and has been telling friends and colleages of his own for a while), because you are very important to me! This community has been huge for building my career and without you I wouldn't be here making the work I do.

I will keep drawing, it's actually a way of dealing with my grief that works for me, so the comic will absolutely keep updating and all that jazz, but some things (like running DnD games as a DM) are a bit beyond me so those may slow down considerably. Updates may vary more, as and when things occur, and I will keep you posted on when I have to take a hiatus or some such.

Much love to you all, thank you so much for all the support over the years. Knowing I have such a faithful, funny and friendly following makes all this much easier and I really do sincerely love you all so very much.

[iamnmbr3]

you know what's sooo stupid to me that it's almost bound to drive me crazy?!

The fact that whenever i see you sharing tom riddle metas about how traumatized he was and trying to look from his pov, i think that FUCKING MAIN VILLAIN, lunatic voldemort who was a reason for so many deaths and did everything to achieve his end is vastly understood. bellatrix, the cruelest witch(after umbridge lol), who knows nothing but voldemort has a not lil fandom

BUT jkr says Draco doesn't deserve fans' love & THERE IS NO GOOD INSIDE HIM (says about the guy who despite his environment and his own desire couldn't be bad & cruel..even if coward, still he didn't do several things in spite of his fears) so we shouldn't be that attached to him!!!!

And many people agree!!!! Like is Draco the only bad guy here? Is he actually a bad guy?

Like🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

(i don't have any problem with you guys talking about tom riddle or bellatrix having fans, just the injustice of it makes me insane)

First off, thanks for your patience in waiting for an answer to this ask! Second of all, I think two things are going on here. On the one hand, we have the fandom response to the series. On the other hand we've got JKR's response. While it's true that Tom Riddle and Bellatrix both have their fans (most of whom acknowledge the problematic things their faves have done - and indeed find their flawed actions and complexity to be part of their appeal) within fandom spaces the same is very much true of Draco. He is an extremely popular character within fandom. On AO3 he is the third most tagged character (after Harry and Hermione), drarry is the number one most written about ship, and dramione comes in at number 3. So I think in fandom spaces Draco gets a lot of attention and there's generally an interest in and understanding of the fact that he's a complex and grey character and not by any means a one-note bad guy.

However, JK Rowling does not seem to share that view at all. She's been very dismissive of his character and of fans who like him on a number of occasions and indeed seems irritated by his popularity - even though it is driven by writing choices SHE made. She claims Draco never got a redemption arc even though she herself wrote that he ultimately changed his opinions and behaviors...aka had a redemption arc. She seems to be someone who has a great deal of trouble admitting she was wrong and who is also very threatened by anyone having a different interpretation or view of something that what she wants. So I think she's especially bothered by people responding to Draco - particularly because she's on such shaky ground. Most Bellatrix fans admit she was a die-hard Death Eater - and indeed that's something they embrace about her character - so that's probably not as threatening to JKR as people pointing out that Draco changed his mind is. I think she also hates drarry.

And yeah it strikes me as really unfair that she singles out Draco fans and claims anyone who likes him is just a girl who is confused due to being attracted to the actor (wow. way to be heteronormative, misogynist, and a misandrist all in one go). Which is bizarre and problematic on so many levels and also especially weird when she has no problem with Snape fans or Regulus fans and doesn't seem to think that a similar problem could occur with people thinking Tom Riddle had a redemption arc just bc the character is canonically attractive and played by an actor generally considered to be attractive in the second film for example.

[eorzean-beauty-salon]

I've been following your work for a while now. I have seen your notification about your mental health being in shambles and apologizing that 'promised mods will have to wait'. First of all, let me tell you this: There is NO NEED to apologize. Your mental health comes first. Anyone disagreeing with this, should unsubscribe from any community, not having a shred of humanity. Second of all, let me tell you that the people who enjoy your already existing mods and converse with you here, do worry about you. It's been a while since we've heard from you. And we know your mental health is troubled. I was hoping we, the ones appreciating your work, could get a bit of an update on how you are doing. On a slightly more personal note... I hope it's an upward curve you're experiencing. Not because I want to see you crank out more mods. But because I see how you interact with people here on this Tumblr, and I can tell you are a kind soul that deserves not the malice your mind rains upon you. If this message should be categorized as anything in particular... one could say this is a 'I hope you get well soon' letter. ~ TnG.

Thank you for your kind message <3 It is unbelievable how kind you people are. I am so not used to it o.o. Over the years i did learn that people are usually cold hearted and focused on their goal but i was obviously dealing with wrong kind of people. In here, especially in ff community i find a lot of mature, kind and funny people i am happy to create for <3. If i could i would create even more. Initially i planned 2-5 ports per day and then follow up with hair and outfits. I will do it, although 2-5 projects are not quite achievable as a mom and carer for my stubborn disabled husband <3. I love them a lot, even as a troublemakers. ^^

Now a little bit about my mental health ^^

So sorry for leaving you guys with no updates about me. T.T I am doing ok. Quite busy actually. ^^ Working hard on commissions at the moment. Thanks to those commissions and donations i am able to start my weight loss journey which has been a reason for my depression last few years. Your kindness, patience and motivating messages kept my head above the water. Now together with my diet, staying active and medication i can finally see my life improving. <3 I do get really bad days and the good ones as it is with severe depression or pretty much with any health issue in this world. Word of advice to those struggling with mental health. There is always a way. Stay strong. Hope is not unachievable dream. They are goals we should believe in. Since i started modding i keep proving myself that i can do anything if i put a lot of effort into it and don't give up. 99% Of my work is a result of this thinking. I keep making big steps to provide you with more quality content and options. Challenge yourself and do not focus on failures. Failures are here to be learned from. If not those i would never be able to create anything. As a custom creation addict i want to give you freedom you can get with mods. Not everybody can do it or even have time to do it, that's why i am here to give you freedom and fun creating your perfect characters. <3 Every time i am struggling with something. Mod broken, no coffee or other life disasters, mu husband always says: You will figure it out, you always do. He really mean it and not just that. He is right. I always do, by challenging myself, trying and understanding. You can do it to! There will be way more mods to come. I love creating for you guys. Stay tuned. There is more coming! I will be back! *With te squeak of the tires, drives away in a batmobile*

[ichhabedichgerne]

To the beautiful you,

As you prepare to embark on your journey as a soldier, I wanted to take a moment to express my deepest gratitude for the time we've shared together during these two weeks of your break before serving our beloved country. Despite the challenges you are facing with your demanding duties, you have made every moment feel special and cherished. Thank you for the countless times and moments we shared, the movies we've watched together, laughing and crying through each story. Your thoughtfulness in treating me to food and making sure I was always well-fed is something I will forever appreciate. Little did you know, you always made me feel loved, warm, safe, and secure whenever I was with you. You have a way of wrapping me in comfort and security, like coming back to a familiar place after a long journey. You have always been my home. Home is not a place, it's a person, and that person, my love, is you. When I'm with you, it's as if all the pieces of my heart and soul fit together perfectly. Your embrace is where I find solace, your smile is what lights up my world. You are the foundation upon which I build my dreams, as well as the soft place I land when life gets tough. They say that home is where the heart is, and my heart has always belonged to you. No matter where we are, as long as I'm by your side, I am home. Your presence is the one constant in my ever-changing life, the one thing I can always count on to make me feel whole. Hence, thank you, my love, for being my home, my heart, and my everything. You have carved out a special place for yourself within me, and I never want you to leave. You are the one I want to come back to, always and forever. My dear darling, I will always cherish the intimate moments we've shared, making love and connecting on the deepest level. Those moments were truly the best, filled with passion and tenderness that brought us even closer together. Each embrace, every whispered word, and the warmth of our bodies intertwined created memories that I will hold dear in my heart for all time. I am especially grateful for your patience and understanding during my mood swings. I know I haven't always been easy to deal with, and I appreciate and admire your ability to stand by me through thick and thin. Your unwavering support has meant the world to me. Thank you for taking care of my heart so gently that you don't even care or feel pity for other women. I really appreciate that a lot, my darling. You don't know how much that means to me. As you take on this new chapter in your life, know that you carry a piece of my heart with you. I am so proud of you for answering the call to serve our country. While it pains me to say goodbye, I know that our love is strong enough to withstand the distance and time apart. I will cherish every memory we've made and look forward to the day when we can be reunited. Please take care, always be healthy, and come back home safely to me and your family. We're always waiting for you. Until then, know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. You are my hero, my lover, my everything. I love you so much—to infinity and beyond, in this universe and the next. Fly high always, my darling, I know you will be the best among the best! You are born to be the best, and I believe you know that since you were a kid. With all my love, Your lover.

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

Correspondence will return  to it’s regular posting schedule this Saturday, at 5pm EST.

[bookwyrminspiration]

thoughts on any or all of sophie's bodyguards?

(once again this ask is another victim of my forgetfulness and it has been in the drafts a while. thank you for your patience!)

okay, so for the sake of time I'm going to pick one and go with them, but! if there are other bodyguards you'd like to listen to me ramble about you are more than welcome to ask about them! because I do have thoughts about everyone, this post would just get super long if I shared more than one focus

for this post, I'm thinking about Tarina. We've hardly seen her at all, but I have several thoughts about her. So what do we know about her? Well, we know she's a troll in the best stage of life to be a bodyguard (mostly balanced strength and mind), she works in a high enough position that the queen herself consulted her and trusted her to convey a message to Sophie, she's physically accomplished and moves in a way that Sophie can't fully understand, and that she's away indefinitely after the trolls shady hives were revealed (but she wasn't aware of those).

But something that stands out is her reaction to the alicorn situation. When the alicorn babies were at risk of dying, she was willing to reveal a huge secret to save them and to convince Sophie to work with her. But why? She took it upon herself to reveal Luzia to not just Sophie, but a few of her friends, too (whether or not she showed them herself they became aware of it, something she knew would happen). What could have justified this? I have a memory of someone saying earlier on in the series that trolls don't value animal life as much as the elves, and I'm assuming that extends to the alicorns. If they don't care about the alicorns, why did she expose such a big secret they do care about? Was the deal with Sophie so important she was willing to do anything to make it happen? What's going on with them? This is more about trolls as a whole but Tarina is a troll so it's kinda on topic.

moving forward, I think it's really interesting how curious Tarina is. She was always asking Sophie questions and was generally the most friendly and approachable bodyguard she had--I know that title usually goes to the gnomes, but the gnomes are friendly in a wise way, not a companionable way (if that makes sense). Allow me to further explain: she talks with Sophie. Actually talks about things that aren't important and that just interest her. She asked about abilities and treats Sophie like an equal (this may have been part of her plan to get Sophie to trust her, but I don't think it complete fallacious).

Yes, she has authority over Sophie, but in the way an older sibling does. Not saying she was like an older sibling to Sophie, but it felt like she treated her like one. She told Sophie to throw throwing stars at her, gave her clear instructions without trying to impose her personal will over her, being friendly while knowing you're in charge. For example, her tagging along on that teleporting trip felt a lot like an older sibling whose been tasked with watching the younger one at the park or something and is engaging with them and spinning on the things with them but not necessarily because they personally enjoy it. Or when you go to the doctor together and you go first to show your sibling it's fine--those little casual comforts you give them that's aren't a big deal, but build an acknowledgement from a distance. This makes sense in my head but I don't know if I'm explaining it well.

Tarina seems to be the most casual of all the trained bodyguards. Everyone else whose had rigorous training (Bo, Ro, Sandor, Grizel) have this aggressive, hardened exterior where they think they know best. Yet Tarina, who is also a trained warrior, consults Sophie and trusts her. But not all of her actions make sense and are likely motivated by whatever her Queen wanted from Sophie, which I'm very curious about.

[pens-swords-stuff]

Camp Nano April 2021 Announcement

It's that time of year folks, and I am definitely planning on going camping!

For Camp Nano April 2021, I will be working on three total projects.

Always the Bridesmaid

GOAL: 10k words GENRE: Romance, Mystery INCLUDES: Fake dating/marriage, rivalmance between a bisexual man and a woman, a serial murder mystery WIP INTRO HERE

Yes, I will be working on ATB for Camp Nano! I will hopefully have more to share about it in April now that my midterms are over and I will be actively working on it. I know a lot of you have been waiting for more, so thank you so much for your patience!

I have literally 0 plans for this WIP, and I'm going to pants my way through the entire thing and see where I end up. Don't even know who the culprit is yet, I'll figure it out as I go!

I'm not going into this Camp Nano project intending to start my first draft — though it may very well end up as one — I'm interpreting it more as an exploratory stage where I explore the characters and the world to see what happens.

I'm not very good about working on solo projects, so ATB will have a relatively low goal.

Harry Potter Fanfictions

GOAL: TBD WRITTEN WITH: @decantae

I haven't talked much about these projects much on my blog, but @decantae and I have been working on a series of private Harry Potter fanfictions for years where we decided to simply rewrite all the HP lore and history with our own original cast on our own terms, just for our fun. JKR's bigotry absolutely is embedded into the foundation of the series, and this is our way of reclaiming it for ourselves and making it better.

I do understand that Harry Potter and JKR can be a touchy subject for some; people who grew up on the series are dealing with JKR's transphobia in different ways, so I don't anticipate talking a lot about these projects to respect that. Please be reassured that we are engaging with the source material very critically!

We'll be working on these two projects specifically for our Camp Nano goal, and will be aiming for a cumulative word count goal for the both of them.

AMORTENTIA

A romance story about a large polyamorous relationship that takes place in the 19th century. Includes: An unwanted arranged marriage, Victorian-era courtships, class differences.

Amortentia is actually the project that made me fall in love with writing, and I've indirectly talked about it without naming it several times. If you've ever seen any post from me talking about my successes with writing or how much I love it, it was about this project. It is currently at 300k words (and on its second google doc since we hit the maximum amount of characters allowed on one gdoc) and is approaching its first anniversary in early April.

This was also our Camp Nano July 2020 project. We were churning out anywhere from 500-2000 words everyday during 2020 and it kept us sane during the onset of the pandemic. We stopped working on it a bit as McH got busy with their job and I got busy with grad school, and I'm really looking forward to falling in love with this all over again!

EPISKEY

A romance story that takes place during the wizarding war in the 1940s. Includes: Enemies-to-lovers romances between spies on opposites sides of the war, runaway teens causing chaos, and a literal found family.

Episkey is a project we've been discussing for a while now but haven't written anything for yet. We're taking Camp Nano as an opportunity to jump right in in the true McH-and-Undine fashion of having very little planned and letting the plot spiral out of our control into something amazing and grand.

I'll mostly be talking about ATB on my blog, but here is everything that I'm planning on working on now that Camp Nano is here so you guys have an idea of what I'll be doing :)

[outlawsworld]

Trusting Strangers - Chapter 14

Arthur Morgan x Female reader

Summary: Reader confronts John and Arthur brings up more of his past.

Warnings:None really, just fluff, bad language!

Notes: So this isn't as action packed as the rest of the chapters but I think it definitely leads to other things. Please stick with it and let me know what you think 🤠

Chapter 1

--

John turned to look over his shoulder as you approached him. He held a cigarette between his lips and shook his head when you came to perch on the rock beside him.

''I ain't in the mood just now (Y/N)'' he scowled. You didn't move from your spot next to him. Instead you watched him as he smoked the last of his cigarette and threw it away. ''You're gonna pester me all night ain't ya?'' he side eyed you as you sat in silence.

''If that's what it takes'' you say with a weak smile. He finally turns to look you in the eye before sighing.

''Fine'' his features softened slightly as he admitted defeat. John's eyes flicked between yours and the ground. His hands were fidgeting with the fabric on his coat and he seemed to struggle to find the words. If you didn't know any better you would have thought he was nervous.

''John?'' you placed your hand cautiously on his shoulder to try and reassure him. He flinched away from your touch, like you had burnt him. You quickly retracted your hand and placed it in your lap.

''I'm sorry'' he shook his head before meeting your gaze. ''I didn't mean to take anythin' out on you (Y/N). Just been a shit couple of days''.

''Tell me about it, maybe I can help'' you spoke softly. John took a deep breath in before relaxing his shoulders.

''It ain't nothin'. It's just Abigail. She's been gettin' at me more then usual the last couple of days'' he shifted uncomfortably. You wanted to believe that was all John was angry about but something didn't seem true about his words. He would normally just tell you or ask for advice when it came to Abigail. In the past when they have fought he would be so happy to leave camp but today he had been so cold.

''Why didn't you just tell me? We've always talked to each other'' John's brow furrowed at your comment.

''Yeah, is that so?'' he scoffed. John stood up from the rock and took a couple steps towards the water. He grabbed a stone from the waters edge and thew it as far as he could. It landed in the lake with a loud splash. You stood up from the rock, following John along the sand.

''Well I thought so'' you stood in front of him to stop him from walking away from you.

''You thought wrong'' he gently pushed past you and began to march down the water line. You felt hurt by his comment, you always thought that he could talk to you. For a split second you let him walk away. You began to feel irritated by John's mood. All day you had been thinking and you couldn't understand what you had done to deserve this. Your own anger got the better of you and you ran after him.

''What's that supposed to mean?'' you caught up to him. Your small strides, working quickly to keep up with him.

''Leave it (Y/N)'' John snapped at you.

''No'' you shouted at him. ''God damn it John. Just tell me'' you felt hot, every inch of your body was tense and you were starting to lose your patience.

''I told you everything'' he immediately stopped in his tracks his voice was raised and his anger was aimed directly at you. ''Whenever Abigail was gettin' to me or when I felt like I was doin' a shit job of bein' a father. I told you. You said we've always talked to each other but it was always one sided. You never told me anythin' about you. You definitely never said anything about you and Arthur'' he gestured towards camp. Your mouth dropped as you took a step back away from John.

''That's what this is about?'' the shock in your voice was apparent. ''It's about me and Arthur?'' the subject made your blood boil. How could he be mad about it, you thought he would be happy for you.

''We had spent so much time together and not once did it come up. I had to find out from god damn Micah'' John bellowed.

''It's not like we intended it to be announced like that'' you defended yourself. ''I didn't realise me not tellin' you would annoy you. Do you really care that much?''.

''I couldn't care less about you two'' John's words cut through you like a knife. Silence fell between you both as you stared at him in shock. Tears began to well up in your eyes at your best friend's words. You held them back as you took a steady breath. He doesn't care about you. It didn't make sense, why would he be so annoyed about you wanting to keep it private for a while. You thought out of everyone he would understand. Having his relationship with Abigail so out in the open, he hates everyone knowing thier business.

''Thanks for makin' that clear'' you spoke in a hushed voice trying to not let your emotions get the better of you. ''So if you don't care about me then why are you so pissed off?'' you met John's brown eyes. They began to soften as he came back to reality and realised what he had said.

''(Y/N), I didn't mean it like that. Of course I care about ya'' he paused to take a heavy breath and pinch the bridge of his nose. ''Look a lot of things have been on my mind recently. I guess finding out about you two was a shock and I didn't know how to respond. I had no idea about you two. Just thought you would 'av told me. Just wish I hadn't been so stupid..'' he trailed off looking back out over the water.

''Stupid?'' you questioned.

''Ahh nothin'. Ignore me, I'm just thinkin' out loud'' he turned back to face you before giving you a weak smile. ''I'm sorry 'bout shoutin' at ya. That weren't my intention'' he held his hands up in defence which made you smile.

''It's alright'' you sighed. "Guess you'll just have to be extra nice to me to make up for it" you teased him.

"Deal" he smirked. The two of you walked back to camp slowly while John told you about his and Abigail's latest argument. Your relationship with Arthur wasn't mentioned again and you didn't dare bring it up. Even though John was telling you about his problems, you couldn't help but think he was witholding something. You decided it was best not to pry in case it made him angry again. If he wanted you to know he would tell you in his own time. The sun was beginning to set by the time you got back into the camp. You and John grabbed a bowl of Pearson's stew before sitting around the fire with Tilly, Hosea and Keiran.

''How are you doing my girl?'' Hosea asked as you sat on the log next to him.

''I'm alright Hosea, and you?'' you asked between mouthfuls of stew.

''I'm getting old'' he chuckled. ''Arthur and yourself seem like you have worked everything out'' you look around the fire quickly, to see that everyone was engaged in their own conversations. Hosea laughed at your reaction at the mention of your relationship before patting your leg.

''Sorry, old habits'' you giggled. ''Yes, I have to thank you Hosea. If it weren't for you I think we would still be ignoring each other''.

''My dear, you don't have to thank me. It's been a long time since I've seen Arthur happy and that's all thanks to you'' your heart warms at Hosea's comment and your cheeks begin to blush.

''I'm guessing he didn't get recognised going back to the Braithwaites earlier?'' you questioned. Your mind had still not settled since Arthur left camp earlier and you needed to know he was safe.

''No, he was fine. But I heard the commotion you all made earlier with those horses'' he shook his head as he glanced over at Dutch who was standing outside his tent. ''We need to lay low with both families after tonight. Trelawny was right, people talk, even when there is a feud goin' on'' Hosea looked concerned but you agreed. You had always thought it was a stupid idea to rob both the families.

The name Trelawny had been passed around camp since you had joined but you had never had the pleasure of meeting the man yet. Clearly the man had sense in informing the gang to go careful but Dutch had other ideas.

The night drew in quickly as stories were passed back and forth across the campfire. Javier joined you and began to play his guitar. The other girls and Charles all joined as well and began singing along to a songs Javier was playing. It was beginning to get later and Arthur and Sean still hadn't returned. Hosea's words had definitely put your mind at ease though so you excused yourself and went to your tent.

It didn't take you long before you were laying in your cot with Javier's soft melody lulling you into slumber.

''(Y/N)'' you were woken by a deep voice. Your eyes fluttered open to see it was still dark outside. You must have only been asleep for a couple hours. ''(Y/N), you awake?'' the voice was just above a whisper outside your tent. You rubbed both of your eyes to check you weren't dreaming before sitting up in your cot.

''Come in'' you half whispered back. You were only in your nightwear but your blanket covered you from head to toe. The broad silhouette gently crept inside your tent and came to crouch beside you. ''What are you doin' cowboy?''.

''Sorry if I woke ya'' Arthur took your small hand in his. ''Didn't much feel like sleepin' without ya tonight'' he placed a kiss on the back of your hand. You couldn't help but smile. Not only because he was back in one piece but because your heart lit up whenever you saw him.

''Ya think we can both fit onto my cot?'' you moved over to make space for the big broad man that crouched before you. He stood up before taking his coat, boots and gun belts off and putting them on the ground.

''Might be a tight squeeze but I'm sure we can manage'' he smirked before climbing under your blanket and laying down beside you. The both of you shuffled around until you were laying wrapped in Arthur's arms with your head on his chest. Arthur was right, it was a tight squeeze but you didn't care. Having Arthur being there, feeling his arms holding you close, hearing his heart beating and smelling the cigarettes and whiskey with every breath you took made you unbelievably happy. You smiled into his shirt as he kissed the top of your head. ''G'night darlin'.'' he whispered in your ear. His soft, low voice sent shivers through you.

''Night Arthur'' you shuffled into him as close as you could possibly get before drifting back into a deep sleep.

As you woke up the next morning you were still wrapped in Arthur's embrace. Your legs were intertwined with one another's and Arthur's arms were the only think keeping you from falling out of the cot. You wiggled your arm free from underneath Arthur's torso and tried to regain some feeling back into it. Arthur woke up as you clenched your fist open and closed. Trying to ignore the painful sensation caused by the blood restriction.

''Mornin' (Y/N)'' Arthur mumbled as he pulled you closer to his body. His voice was much deeper when he had just woken up. It sent shivers down your spine. ''What ya doin'?''.

''Ya crushed my arm'' you chuckled. ''Trying to get feelin' back into it''. You turned to hover above him leaning on your elbow. He hummed in response with a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. His hair was messy and his eyes were barely open.  Seeing him this way, first thing in the morning did something different to you. You felt the heat between your legs rise as you looked over him. He reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, caressing your cheek as he did so. You leant down and kissed him deeply. Completely forgetting where you were as you opened your mouth to allow his tongue access to yours. Arthur went from a sleepy daze to wide awake in seconds. His hands began to wander down your body as you fought to undo the buttons on his shirt.

The sound of Pearson humming and walking past the entrance of your tent stopped you both suddenly in your tracks. You broke the kiss and bit your bottom lip as you pressed your forehead against Arthur's. The both of you had gotten so lost in the kiss that you forgot how little privacy you have in camp. You both laughed quietly as you layed back down beside him releasing the button you were about to undo on his shirt.

"I could kill that man" Arthur chuckled. You giggled and placed another much softer kiss on Arthur's lips. ''Want some coffee?'' Arthur sat up and pulled on his boots.

''Please'' you sat up beside him. ''I'll be out in a minute''. Arthur nodded as he pulled himself back together and walked out of your tent. You stretched out your limbs before getting dressed and following behind him. As you walked out of your tent the light stung your eyes and you winced before they adjusted.  The morning air was thick and warm, it was going to be another hot day. You threw your thin coat you were going to wear back into your tent before making your way over to the campfire where Arthur was waiting for you with your coffee.

''Thank ya'' you took the coffee from Arthur and sat down beside him. Pearson was at his cart beginning his day by clearing his table and the rest of camp was starting to stir. ''You on any jobs today?'' you ask Arthur. It seems to have been a long time since he had a day around the camp. He was always on a job or out doing something. You couldn't help but feel sorry for him as he was always Dutch's go to guy for everything, meaning he never got a day's rest.

''No, I'm stickin' around here today'' he smiled before taking a sip from his coffee. You were silently relieved letting out a relaxed hum.

''Miss (Y/L/N), Mr Morgan'' you heard a loud shout across camp. You both looked up to see Mrs Grimshaw marching over to you. She looked irritated and her face had gone red. You swallowed a large lump in your throat as you dreaded what had caused her to become so infuriated so early in the day. ''You both sticking around today?'' although it was a question it came out more like a demand.

''Yes, Mrs Grimshaw'' Arthur smirked which only made her more aggravated.

''Well good, we are falling behind on chores around here. Some people have begun to slack so we need all the hands we can get'' she snapped. ''(Y/N), I have a pile of things that need stitching back together, get to it'' she didn't let you speak before pointing her finger in the direction of the pile and sending you on your way.

She was not wrong, the pile of clothes and sheets that had been torn had grown large. You sighed loudly as you realised it would take you hours to stitch everything. As the hours went by the pile slowly got smaller. Your hands were cramping up and your stitches were beginning to become sloppy. Mary-Beth had come to help you take on some of the work and you appreciated the company. She was telling you about a book she was reading about a budding romance. You finished with one of Lenny's shirts and added it to the 'done' pile before glancing round camp.

The camp was busy with people doing different chores. You would occasionally hear Mrs Grimshaw shouting at someone to get on with something. As you took a moment to glance around camp you found Arthur chopping wood on the outskirts of camp. His strong arms made the job look effortless. You watched as he swung the axe down breaking the wood, clean in half. He wiped his sweat covered brow with the back of his hand and grabbed the next piece. Each time he raised the axe above his head his shirt would become tight around his strong muscles over his back and shoulders. He would grunt as he brought the axe down to strike the wood. The top buttons on his shirt were undone allowing for some of his chest to be exposed. You could see the begining of his chest hair glistening with sweat.

''You are gonna start drooling soon'' Mary-Beth giggled catching your attention. You quickly turn back to her realising you had been staring a bit too long. The colour of your cheeks turned a bright shade of red as embarrassment flooded through you. After that, you made sure to concentrated on your own work. Mary-Beth would tease you every so often making you blush each time. You couldn't help it, Arthur was the most attractive man you had laid eyes on. The opportunity to admire him was very few and far between with the amount of work outside of camp he does. By the time you had both finished with the stitching it was the afternoon.

You went for a walk along the water to stretch your legs after being sat for so long. It was always peaceful by the lake compared to the rush of being in camp. You noticed Dutch was standing on the end of the dock which reminded you of a job.

''Hey Dutch'' you walked up to him catching his attention.

''Miss (Y/N). What do I owe the pleasure?'' he asked as he turned to look at you.

''Ya know the two men I pick pocketed the other day in Rhodes?'' Dutch hummed at you with an inquisitive smile. ''Well, they are supposed to be outta town. Thought it might be a good steal if we check out the house while there gone. Said they had deeds of some kind'' you had never approached Dutch with a job before and for some reason it made you nervous even suggesting it.

''Hmm, sounds promising'' he thought about it for a moment. ''and you are sure they aren't in town?''.

''Positive''.

''Alright, take who you need and go tonight'' he patted you on the shoulder. You nodded your head before heading back into camp. In all honestly, you hadn't thought too much about it but the job was now in your hands. You wanted to impress Dutch so nothing could go wrong. It should be an easy take and only requires two people to do. For the rest of the afternoon you tended to the horses with Kieran, thinking about who you should take on the job. You wanted to take Arthur but it was the first day in a long time he didn't have a job to do and you didn't want to ruin that. Maybe you should take John or Charles instead.

As the sun set for the day you decided to pack your things for the job. You had come up with a plan much like your first house robbery with Arthur. Even though you were sure that the two men were out of town you grabbed some extra ammunition putting it away in your satchel.

''What are you doin'?'' Arthur walked up behind you as you packed your saddle bags.

''Gettin' ready for a job'' you attached your rifle to your saddle before turning to him.

''What job is that?'' he leant against the hitching post with his arms crossed over his chest.

''A house robbery'' you told Arthur. You went on the explain how you came about the job whilst in town with Dutch and what your plan was.

''Okay, when are we goin'?'' you looked up to meet his eyes.

''Arthur, you need to rest. I can ask someone else to go with me'' he looked almost offended by your comment.

''I'm fine. I've rested all day'' he brushed you off. ''We goin' now?'' he asked, not taking no for an answer and making his way over to Siego.

''You ain't been resting but I guess we are'' you smirked. You knew, no matter how much you would try to convince him to stay he would still come on the job anyway. As you both mounted up you looked back towards camp. You caught a glimpse of John watching you and Arthur leave together. He looked upset about something as he leant against a tree smoking on a cigarette. You gave him a smile and a small wave as you turned Dallas towards the road. He didn't wave back but you saw a sad smile across his face. You spurred Dallas on down the woodland trail and out of camp. Arthur followed closely behind.

''So you never told me about your job last night'' you shouted back to Arthur. Once you reached the road he came to ride beside you. He told you about how him and Sean both burnt down the Grey's tobacco fields. Luckily the both of them got away with only having to shoot a couple of the guards. ''Shit, all the fields?'' you asked stunned.

''Yeah, all of em. The barn too'' he shook his head. ''If they don't catch on that it's us, it'll be a miracle. So much for layin' low'' Arthur shrugged his shoulders.

You rode by the Grey's plantation on your way to the house and you saw the destroyed fields. The dry tobacco was now turned to ash and the smell of burning crops filled the air still. Arthur stayed quiet as you inspected the mess as you rode by.

The house wasn't much further, it was hidden within a group of trees which gave you plenty of cover. You dismounted the horses and grabbed your rifle before getting too close. The house was only small, with a barn to the side and a porch that ran around the whole building. From what you could see, it was empty. There were no lights from inside but you knew it was best to be prepared.

''I'll go round the back'' you informed Arthur as he made his way to the front door. He nodded in response as you went around the side of the house. You peered in through each window and didn't see any sign of people inside. The lock on the back door was easy to pick, you opened the door slowly and quietly making sure it was empty before stepping inside. You tiptoed to the front door opening it for Arthur to enter.

''Alright, let's do this quickly and quietly'' he stepped inside, looking around. ''You wanna take upstairs?''.

''Sure'' you made your way up the creaky stairs, leaving Arthur to explore the ground floor. There were two bedrooms and a study which you made your way through. You searched each draw carefully, collecting valuables as you went along. The study was full of paperwork scattered across a messy desk. You flicked your way through the papers and took the ones you deemed to look important. There were a couple of deeds stashed in a draw along with a lockbox which you grabbed. You made your way downstairs to meet Arthur who managed to fill his satchel full with provisions and jewels.

''Found anythin'?'' he asked while inspecting a bottle of whiskey he grabbed from a cabinet.

''I think so'' you held the lockbox up to show him. ''Let's get outta here'' you gestured towards the door. Arthur followed you out the house and back to the horses. ''Well... that went a lot smoother then last time'' you giggled as you mounted Dallas.

''I wouldn't speak too soon if I were you'' Arthur smirked back. You both rode back down the path at a steady trot to not draw any attention to yourselves. ''Wonder what we will find stashed in that lockbox o' yours''.

''Could be anythin' or nothin'. Hopin' it's somethin' good'' you tapped the box that was now strapped to your saddle.

''So, if you weren't thinkin' of askin' me to come with ya. Who were you gonna take?'' Arthur raised his left brow and looked at you curiously.

''Well, you were my first option but probably John'' Arthur scoffed at your suggestion and shook his head. ''What's wrong with John?''.

''Ahh nothin'.'' he brushed you off.

''It ain't nothin'. You seem to have some sortta issue with him'' you steadied Dallas to a walk to give Arthur time to explain himself before you got back to camp. ''Feel like explainin' what it is?'' Arthur pulled Siego to a walk and breathed a deep sigh.

''Fine. I've known John for fifteen years. He was like family, like a younger, annoying brother'' Arthur paused for a moment. ''Then when Jack was born he just took off. He left us for a whole year and then just walks back in like nothin' happened. I guess I just ain't forgiven him for it'' Arthur hid his face with his hat so you couldn't see his expression. You could tell by his voice he was still annoyed about John leaving.

''He told me what happened and he feels real bad about it'' you tried to reason with Arthur. ''John knows what he did was wrong and he's tryin' to make up for it. Don't you wanna give him another chance?'' you kept your voice low and steady. The last thing you wanted was to offend him.

''No one else would have gotten away with what he did (Y/N)" Arthur's brow was furrowed and he squeezed tightly onto his reins. "He abandoned his family. He abandoned Jack. Even now he won't spend any time with his own son. What I'd give to..." He trailed off. Arthur stared in the direction away from you. Something struck a nerve with him as he talked about Jack. You stayed silent allowing him time to think and calm down. The both of you stayed at a steady walk down the dirt track towards Rhodes.

"I'm sorry for pryin'." you finally broke the silence. He turned to face you but his eyes were still covered by his hat.

"It ain't you. He just doesn't realise how lucky he is" Arthur's voice was soft. Not in his usual, kind way but as though he was upset.

"How'd you mean?" Arthur raised his head until your eyes met. He cocked his head in a gesture for you to follow him off the path. You followed him through the trees to the small open field you had spent that night under the stars in. The both of you dismounted and you followed him into the open space. Arthur was stood in front of you with his back towards you.

"I need to tell you somethin'." he scratched the back of his neck nervously before turning to face you. Your heart began to race as many thoughts floated through your head. Was he going to end things? Did he decide that you weren't good enough for him? Or was it Mary?

"Alright" you asked trying to mask the crack in your voice.

"A long time ago when I was a young fool I met a waitress. Her name was Eliza, she was only 19 at the time and I was in my younger twenties" he cleared his throat and your heart began to sink. Of course there was another girl. You looked at him as he rested his hands on his gun belt, the brim of his hat still covering his eyes as he spoke. "We had a son together. His name was Isaac"

You tried to hold back the gasp from the shock of what he was telling you. Arthur had a child.

"I would visit them from time to time. Making sure they had money, food things like that. I didn't want them involved in the gang. It wasn't a life I wanted for 'em. One day I went to visit..." he paused to take a deep breath. "There were two crosses outside" he looked up to meet your eyes. You remained still, mouth open as your heart began to break for him.

"Some men robbed an' killed them for $10" he swollowed hard. For the first time you saw Arthur's full emotions surface. His eyes were red and watery and his smile had faded away. "I guess that's why I can't forgive John....he doesn't even realise what he has" there wasn't anger in his voice. Instead he sounded broken.

"Arthur, I'm so sorry" your voice cracked. You couldn't find the words to help fix what had been done. The pain he must have gone through with loosing a child. He had been through so much hearbrake in his life already. With Mary then Eliza and Issac. No wonder he was scared to start another relationship with you. He was so much more then the tough exterior that you first saw. You reached forward and pulled him into your embrace. He wrapped his arms around your waist and held you tightly. You stayed in each others arms as you processed the information Arthur had just given to you. It must be so hard for him to talk about. You wanted to say something that will take some of his pain away but you knew there was nothing you could do but to hold him.

"(Y/N)?" you heard Arthur whisper your name into your neck. You loosened your grip on him until you could see his face.

"Arthur" you found his eyes.

"Thank ya" he smiled lightly at you.

"Why you thankin' me?" you couldn't understand what you had done to deserve his thanks.

"For everythin'. For listening. I ain't the best a talkin' about this sorta thing" he admitted shyly.

"I'm always gonna be here for ya Arthur" you caressed his cheek to make sure he looked directly in your eyes. "I promise you, I ain't goin' anywhere".

--

@kashasenpai

Chapter 15

[love101imagines]

Will anything happen?

(sinan | imagine)

request: could u please write an imagine, with Sinan having been in love with s/n for years, but he never knew how to tell her that, until she became friends with the group, so he sees an opportunity to approach her.

tags: @zaynlikfalls @girl-looking-out-window @imtoolazytothinkofacoolname

You were sure your life had changed the moment you were doing your philosophy homework during recess, too immersed with trying to finish Miss Ayse's assignment on time you didn't notice how five students entered the room and ushered the rest to leave, even if the room was almost empty.

"What the fuck?" You blurted out confused once someone closed your notebook.

Eda, one of your classmates, sat in front of you, while another boy you vaguely remembered leaned against the wall.

"We need to talk." Osman, a boy you had bought some homework a few times, stated as he sat down next to you.

A quick look around the room made you panic internally, with Kerem, another boy you knew because of his anger issues, closed the door. Your mind tried to come up with a reasonable reason why your classmates you had only spoken a few words were now acting so strangely.

You looked at Osman, the only one you had talked the most out of them, with a raised brow. "Do I owe you something because of the homework? I don't have any money left, I— Are you going to beat me up? What is wrong with you?" You ranted.

"No!" Işik, the one you liked most because of her charismatic personality, reassured you, taking out a chair and sitting next to you. "We only wanted to talk to you."

"We need your help." Eda continued. "It's about Miss Burcu, we want you to help us set her up with another teacher. Otherwise, she'll leave since her transfer is confirmed."

"And this way we'll all make a beautiful thing happen. We’ll spread love." Işik added with a grin.

You furrowed your brows at the strange request. It didn't take you much to see through their act, Isik being the only one who seemed genuinely sad about your teacher leaving, so you just assumed the rest were doing it to their own advantage. Probably because of what had gone down a few days ago during a school debate, in which the auditorium was almost burned down and they were almost expelled.

Still, you had a few questions left. "Why me? I don't know either of them that well."

Eda shrugged. "You have a boyfriend."

"And you two have been dating for almost two years, you must know about love and dates. That really can help us. Isik knows the theory, you know the practice." Osman explained trying to convince you with his businessman smile.

So that was the reason why they thought you were a love expert.

You only could give them an awkward smile, feeling your cheeks slightly blushing because of the obvious fact they didn't seem to be aware of. "Boran and I broke up two months ago."

Being stopped from doing your homework was worth it once you bit down on your lower lip trying to avoid laughing at their faces of sudden realization.

"Fuck. You told us they were in love." Eda complained, glaring at the boy who was leaning against the wall.

He didn't answer, his eyes fixated on the ground while the rest looked at him angrily.

You slowly stood up from your chair while the rest seemed deep in thought. "Well, this was fun but now you've realized I can't really help you. Good luck though."

"Wait, you can still help us." Işik tried, standing in front of Kerem once she noticed he wouldn't let you leave.

With a huff, you sat down back on your seat. "(Y/N), dear. You're the only person who's been in the longest relationship in the whole school." Osman continued. "Come on, help us. This is what you and Isik know best."

You thought about it for a moment, almost flinching when Kerem suddenly stood next to you even if Osman had already said that you didn't owe him anything and even if you did, they wouldn't beat you up.

"Don't worry, he only talks with his fists but we need you."

You looked up at the boy leaning against the wall, now realizing where you recognized him from. You couldn't really blame yourself, after all, Sinan usually skipped classes or never participated, only sleeping most of the time or drinking his flask. You were almost sure you had done one or two school projects with him and Isik, because even if she was the smartest girl in the class, nobody else wanted to work with them, too annoyed with the boy and his usual remarks.

He stayed silent throughout the whole interaction until you shifted uncomfortably because of Kerem and how you only knew him because of every time you had seen him punch someone during a basketball game or recess. But right now, he only glanced at you for a second before returning his gaze back to the ground.

Kerem glared at him. "I'm so sick of his bullshit."

"Calm down." Osman said once he noticed the tension in the room.

You only chuckled, almost giving in to their offer once you noticed Sinan glancing up at you again for a few seconds. But still, you couldn't do what they were asking.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm going to fail Philosophy and Miss Ayse has sent me all of this..." You said referring to the numerous papers in front of you, most of them highlighted with your own handwriting in some notes. "I'm literally fucked with this, and I can't fail another subject again."

Still, Osman wasn't going to give up. "Sinan will help you."

"What?" You both said at the same time.

"If he helps you pass, will you help us too?" Eda asked hopefully.

"These assignments aren't to help students learn what they don't understand, they only exist so teachers feel even more powerful having someone else's future on their hands." Sinan spoke, annoyance clear on his voice.

Kerem rolled his eyes. "You're the man for the job. Every sentence you say sounds like a riddle."

"Can you help me? You can lend me your notebooks if you want, I can manage." You said, trying to ignore the fact that he was always sleeping in class.

He fumbled with his hands, not answering instantly which made you wonder if it was because of a hangover or if he simply didn't like you. "I...I'm not good at writing down notes." He explained.

"But he's really good with philosophy!" Işik added nudging him forward. "He's in the debate team too."

"There you go, he'll explain to you what we covered and you'll help us make Burcu fall in love." Eda concluded.

Before he could disagree, you nodded. "Okay, deal."

They seemed finally grateful, and before you could think better about what you had just gotten into, the bell rang. You got up from your seat and started gathering your things, not noticing how the rest left and how Eda practically pushed Sinan forward in your direction.

"I'm sorry you assumed I would be of any help to you." He started somewhat reluctantly, stopping once you looked up at him in the middle of leaving your notes on your bag.

"Sinan, we've done a few projects with Işik before, and even if you didn't come to my house you helped out in the end." You said forcefully, not taking no for an answer.

Under his impressed look, you paused for a moment as he started helping you with your things, knowing you wouldn't be able to do it before the next class started.

"So..." You started with a soft smile. "Your house or mine?"

As Sinan opened the door for you, you thanked him with a silent smile before entering his house. You gathered your surroundings, amazed by the numerous pairings hanging in the walls while you followed him.

"Sinan, your house is beautiful. I can't believe you never invited us before." You said leaving your bag on the floor next to the couch.

"I have to make lunch for my grandpa and feed my dog..." He trailed off opening the fridge on his kitchen.

You made your way towards him after taking off your jacket. "I'll help you." You offered, taking the bowl of dog food out of his hands before he could say anything.

As you petted his dog, he left a tray of food for his grandpa and then you both sat down on his couch, you looking for a highlighter and him fumbling the only pencil he had.

He cleared his throat a bit, your knees touching while you unknotted your tie. "We're seeing idealism, right?" He asked and continued once you nodded. "Um, it can be classified into subjective and objective idealism, the main difference is that one believes the object is more important, and therefore, it's independent of our consciousness."

He gave you a side look to see if you understood. You looked at your notes, confusion clear on your face as your brows furrowed and you tried to search for what he had just said. You expected him to snap at you for not understanding, which would only cause you to get even more frustrated and to storm out of his house, but that wasn't the case.

"It's fine." He said patiently, taking your notebook to help you search what you needed. "Here, you mixed them up. You should remember that the objective idealism regards as the prime source of being not the human mind, but some objective other-world consciousness."

"And the subjective denies the existence of objective reality." You carried on connecting the dots.

You fixed your notes, a green highlighter on your hand, and the cap between your teeth.

Sinan stood up from his seat. "Tea?" He asked.

You nodded. "Please." You said with a smile, noticing how the corners of his lips curled in a small smile.

After that day, your usual routine changed completely. You planned the perfect date with the rest, helped with the fake fight between Burak and Kerem, went to a rock concert, and even got closer to the rest. You weren't sure, but you felt closer to Sinan after spending every afternoon at his house.

You saw a different side of his, a boy who cared for his grandpa and tried his best to help you with things you found difficult, not losing his patience and explaining it as much as you needed.

At school during recess you flopped down on a bench, Sinan sitting at the end of it like usual. “What’s up?” He asked.

"Look at this!" You beamed with a grin pushing a paper into his hands.

He raised his brows at you before reading your test, you waiting expectantly for his reaction. "You passed Philosophy?"

You let out a sigh of relief. "Yep, no more assignments from Miss Ayse. Now I can help you even more with Miss Burcu, it's a shame she has a boyfriend. We're fucked."

"You aren't." He pointed out, slowly taking out his flask from his jacket. “You can stop with everything if you want, you’ve achieved what you wanted and nothing changes for you if Burcu leaves.”

You scoffed. “Do you really think that of me? That I would leave all of you now that we don’t have to study anymore?”

He only shrugged, going to take a sip of his flask before you stopped him, your hand on top of his. “Can you...not? Please. I don’t like the smell.” You explained taking the flask from his hands to his amused look.

Sinan rolled his eyes and took the flask out of your hands, except this time he didn’t drink from it and only left it back again on his jacket.

With a soft smile, you stood up. “Come, let’s go to my house and have lunch.”

“Why?” He asked confused about why would you want to hang out with him but nevertheless stood up.

“I’m hungry...and we have another Music project to do. I don’t have a partner so, lucky you.” You tugged on his arm to walk.

“Lucky me.” He teased.

With your music cassette playing on the background a Tarkan song and a few books scattered on your bed, you continued with your research on Mozart, your legs crossed while Sinan sat opposite you.

After fumbling with his pen for a few seconds, he looked at you. “Can I ask you something?”

You glanced at him after taking a sip of your water. “Sure.”

“Why did you and Boran break up?” He asked curiously. “Everybody thought you would get married like the two high school sweethearts you are. Were.” He corrected himself.

You shuffled uncomfortably in your place, biting the inside of your cheek as you looked at the boy in front of you. You smiled weakly before starting to talk. “Um, dunno. I mean, things weren’t as smooth like they were at the beginning. I didn’t feel the same and he thought that I had too much...baggage, so we talked and decided to end things. We’re still friends though.”

Sinan’s face softened at your words. “I’m sorry, I thought you two...”

“You thought we were in love, right?” You interrupted him, your voice teasing but quiet. “I remembered Eda said that the first time we all talked, how did you know?”

He looked away as a small blush crept on his neck, and you only waited for him to answer.

“A few years ago we had a History assignment, do you remember?” He asked slowly.

You furrowed your brows. “Sinan, we have History assignments almost every day.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but this time I was with Işik and we needed someone else and you volunteered. Then she dragged me to the library and we spent some time together.” He continued trying to make you remember.

You thought about it for a few seconds until you came to the realization of what he was recalling, your mouth opening in surprise. “Yes! I remember. You slept the whole hour until I told you to help me with the dates.”

He nodded, not talking for a moment and avoiding your look before he took a gulp of his flask, ignoring how you sighed when he did that. “I...we didn’t talk much but I knew that you could see something good in everyone, even in me.”

Sinan struggled with his words, so you left the books aside and moved closer to him. “Why didn’t you talk to me after that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Why do you think?” He answered sarcastically. “You met Boran and...it wasn’t worth it. He was better for you.” He explained with his usual emotionless tone.

He looked at you for another moment, his eyes slowly trying to figure out your expression. For a moment, you basked into the attention he was giving you shamelessly, remembering even more about what had happened two years ago.

“Işik! Guess what! After you and Sinan left I met this super cute guy. His name’s Boran and we talked and he asked me on a date tomorrow!” You gushed to her the next day you went to the library to finish your History assignment, not noticing Sinan’s expression, a mix of jealousy, disappointment, and heartbreak.

“Sinan...” You started slowly. “...did you have a crush on me?”

Eyes darting from where they were fixed on your face, he stared at his lap. “Why would it matter? I’m sure you and Boran will fix things and...” He paused and took a sharp breath. “...you’ll be back again with him. You’ll forget about us, living the true romance fairytale you’ve wanted your whole life.”

Once he finished his rant, he grabbed his flask to take another sip again but you were sick of it. “That’s not true!” You scolded taking the flask out of his hands, leaving it next to your pillow. “And that wasn’t my question, why are you like this?”

He didn’t answer, only moving forward to reach for his flask, but you were faster and cupped his face to make him look at you.

“Sinan, you should have told me. Do you like me or no?”

He stopped breathing, his chest visible not moving as he stared at your eyes. “Yes.”

Your breath hitched in the back of your throat, realizing all of a sudden how close you actually were. Before you could think about it, with your hands still cupping his face, you pulled him towards you and placed your lips onto his.

He was clearly caught off guard, but it didn’t take long for him to kiss you back and place his hands on your waist, a few pencils falling off your bed while he moved to be closer to you.

Out of breath, you broke the kiss, your hands remaining on his face while he looked at you, studying every inch of your face trying to read your expression.

“Things have been different between us in the last days.” You said, your voice coming out like a whisper.

He hummed, waiting patiently for you to continue. “I...I just got out of a fucking long relationship and, I have a lot on my mind.”

“I understand.” He nodded, your hands falling to your side finding his.

Your thumb traced soothing circles into the back of his hands and his eyes almost fluttered shut at the sensation. “But we could try, right? Not a relationship right now, but maybe a date first.”

“Yeah. Yeah for sure.” He mumbled.

He had already waited two years to finally tell you how he really felt, but it seemed like it was worth it seeing how you were smiling at him at that moment.

[angelsswirl]

Vellichor

The One With Shit and The Fan

A.N. Yall are about to be very mad at me, but it must be read.

~•~

Oh and I know

And you know that we've been here before

I think I know how it should end

We got an audience calling us crazy

You feel like a white suburban mom.

The ones that hoot and howl over every little thing in preparation for company.

You feel like that, because that's exactly what you're doing right now.

Hooting and howling over every little thing in preparation for company.

"If you move a pillow to sit on the couch, what do you do with the pillow when you're done sitting on the couch? YOU PUT THE PILLOW BACK! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS?!"

You had finally managed to convince Jisoo to agree to a civilized dinner with Taylor's parents. It involved a lot of placating and a lot of sex.

So naturally, you had to make sure the house was spic and span, because you wouldn't be caught dead in a filthy home.

Luckily, your children had pulled their own weight and helped, you were now just doing the finishing touches, like putting throw pillows in their proper place and screwing the cap on the milk jug tighter.

You also made sure to keep an eye on Jisoo just in case she decided to booby trap the place. At this point you wouldnt put it pass her.

Ryland came bouncing into the kitchen excitedly, "What did you make for dinner tonight, mommy? You got my text about the Bae-Park's dietary restrictions right?"

Despite being the second oldest, Ryland still called you 'mommy' occasionally. Especially, when she was excited or wanted something.

"Yes. Suzy and Jackson are allergic to peanuts and Taylor won't eat anything with a face. We'll see how long that lasts because you're a carnivore like your mom. And I passed it along to Lia because she cooked." You fussed around the kitchen. Dusting and swatting at imaginary dust.

"But what if mama convinced Lia to poison Chaeyoung?!"

You rolled your eyes. Did your daughter really think her mother would do something like that? Or better question. Did she really think you would let her mother do something like that?

"Jisoo has been here all day and I have her phone. I talked with Lia about everyone's needs and she made something suitable for everyone. Everything is going to be okay. Calm down, baby."

Ryland pouted, "How do you know if Chaeyoung has any restrictions? I didn't text you about her."

"We dated, remember?"

"No. I wasn't there."

"...Everything is going to be okay. Now, get out of my kitchen and set the dining room table. You might have to bring some more chairs in from the garage."

Ryland nodded.

~•~

Jisoo stared at her wife with a partially unreadable expression on her face.

She had been tricked into this. Bribed, if you will. Maybe even conned.

Sure, she was more or less fine with Taylor dating her daughter, but she wasn't really fine with spending more than an hour in a room with one of the only other people on the planet who knows what her wife looks like naked.

Great.

Her wife looks great naked. And Park Chaeyoung knew that.

She was doing her best to hide her blatant jealousy and anger but Jisoo wasn't an oscar winning actress for a reason.

"Are you getting all primped up for me or for her?" It sort of just slipped out. You had been putting on makeup for the past hour and Jisoo couldn't help but wonder.

You had never rolled your eyes harder in your life, "I'm not about to start this with you."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Because you should know the answer by now."

"For me?"

You put the finishing touches on your dark tinted red lip. Smacking them dramatically, then placing the tube of lipstick back onto the vanity.

You turned toward Jisoo with a smirk, "Oh no. For me."

Jisoo could only watch you walk out the door and into the main living area of the house.

Jisoo would try to keep the snarkiness to a minimum. If only because she's sure if she doesn't she'll never get to see your great nakedness again.

~•~

Dinner, to everyone's surprise, isn't that awkward. Probably due to the fact that Taylor easily dominated the conversation, you're a bit preoccupied with fussing over Kaleb, and Jisoo has had a full glass of red wine.

"Tay tay! How did your parents react to you telling them Ryland was your mate? Did they throw a tantrum like mama did?" Peyton asked, her mischievous smile poorly hidden behind her glass of lemonade.

Sometimes, you think Peyton forgets she still lives with you unlike her older siblings and can most definitely still be grounded. You had to resort to your signature glare, but it did the trick as Peyton slumped into her chair, thoroughly frightened.

Taylor looked confused at the question. Peyton knew the answer. They're literally best friends. She was the first one she told.

"No. Mom just mumbled that it probably made sense and then I went to go play soccer."

Ryland smiled lovingly across the table at Taylor. Lia made a gagging sound.

You thanked whatever being was listening that Peyton's chaos energy hadn't prevailed. If you thought, Ryland was your demon child while you were pregnant with her, you surely hadn't seen anything yet.

"Okay, why don't all of you kids, go do whatever it is you do in the livingroom. Mom doesn't need you to see her scarf down an entire bottle of merlot in one gulp." You mumbled that last part under your breath.

Everyone but Lia left the table, happy to be excused.

You stared at her blankly.

"I'm 22."

You're not exactly sure why but your patience is wearing thin quickly.

"Did I ask how old you were?"

"No, ma'am. Excuse me." She bowed her head dramatically before grabbing Kaleb and scurrying from the table.

"Kids. So....interesting." Chaeyoung said in an attempt to break the silence.

"Yeah. I keep telling myself that my reward for not killing them are future grandchildren. Well, actually. I'm already terrified of whatever Peyton procreates."

Both Chaeyoung and Suzy laugh at your joke.

"So, how'd you two meet?" Jisoo asked inbetween sips of her wine. She wasn't even looking in Chaeyoung and Suzy's direction, if only because it was sort of hard to peer around you in their positions.

You tried to listen for answers, you really did, but your reasoning for the irritability comes to light. You're sweating and almost slumped over into Jisoo, but you somehow managed to keep yourself upright.

Jisoo and Chaeyoung's eyes snapped to you at the same time. And the last time you felt this much dread, was when you found out that Jisoo and Chaeyoung found out about each other.

It's almost like you see Chaeyoung's mouth move in slow motion. You will her not to say anything, just let you silently excuse yourself from the table and take your suppressants, but no. Things were never easy when it came to Chaeyoung and Jisoo.

Chaeyoung offhandedly mumbled "That's familiar." She doesn't really mean anything by it. You knew that, hell even Suzy knew that.

But you can see the glass in Jisoo's hand start to shake.

"What did you just say?"

"Huh? Oh nothing. I didn't mean anything by it, Jisoo. I swear."

"Chu...let it go." You do your best to calm her down with a light touch to her thigh.

"It's no big deal. It was stupid I shouldn't have said it."

"You fucking my wife isn't a big deal?"

"Jisoo! What the hell?" You stared at your alpha who seemed to be looking right through you to Chaeyoung. The pent up anger in her eyes was quite astonishing.

"What's your problem, Jisoo? It's been years and the only one who still fucking cares is you." Chaeyoung said with a shake of her head.

"My problem is you."

Chaeyoung rolled her eyes, "I'm married with two beautiful kids. I don't want y/n and she doesn't want me. Grow up."

Chaeyoung gathered her belongings and gestured for her wife to follow her. Suzy did so reluctantly, she shot a glance of sympathy toward you but otherwise didn't say anything.

The family left, two confused children in tow.

You swallowed harshly, it was surprisingly easy to fight off your heat instincts considering you wanted very little to do with the person that's supposed to help you through that.

"Well. Congratulations."

Jisoo's brows furrowed, not in the least bit surprised when you dont elaborate.

You got up from the table without a word. You headed to the livingroom and poked your head in, "Peyton, do you mind cleaning up the table. You don't have to do the dishes, just put them in the sink. Thank you." Abigail and Ryland stared after you.

Peyton set about doing the task without any fan fare.

You then hurried into your bedroom. Wiping at your eyes and your makeup.

You knew Jisoo had followed you. Probably wanting an explanation about what you said.

"Why can't you just let it go? It's been twenty years. You said you were over it, but every time you're even slightly reminded you blow up. You know how sorry I am but it feels like I'm still being punished."

"You slept with her. You're mine and you slept with her." Jisoo looked at you like she didn't understand how you didn't get that.

"I'm yours now. I wasn't back then. Even if you imprinted on me I wasn't your mate. I wasn't even your girlfriend. I didn't cheat on you. Why does everything I did have to be some slight against you?"

Jisoo huffed, "You knew I loved you. You led me on you made me think that it was only me. That you were only going to choose me."

"What did I ever say to make you think that? Was marrying you not enough? Is being your mate not enough? Those three beautiful babies not enough?"

"We have four kids."

"Oh, hop off it. You know that's not what I meant."

Jisoo doesn't say anything further. She only stares at some point passed your head.

"Am I not enough for you, Jisoo? Because I don't know what else I can give you. I gave you my life, my love, my womb. But it's still not enough for you. What else do you want from me?!" You tried not to raise your voice too much, but it was sort of a hard feat to accomplish around your tears.

"To go back in time and not sleep with her. To say she never meant anything to you."

"Oh. You want the impossible." You nodded slowly, not agreeing in the slightest. But you got it now.

"Say it."

"You know I can't."

"Say it, y/n."

"We told each other that we would never lie to each other, and I'll be damned if I start now."

"...Then tell me to leave."

"Jisoo."

"I need to go, but I can't do it unless you tell me to."

You choked on a sob, "Fine. Go. Just know, if you walk out of that front door everything that I have said tonight, will be proven right."

That got Jisoo to hesitate. To rethink breifly. But the alpha is telling her to go before she does something she really regrets. So, she leaves. And the pain that encompasses her heart is nothing like she had ever felt in her life.

You heard the door slam shut and with it, Peyton walked into the room. You pretend that you dont see the tears in each other's eyes, "Mommy?" Her omega is calling out to yours, probably more than she realized.

She's technically a pup and she needs comfort, so even though you felt like curling up into a ball and dying you give it to her.

She practically falls into your lap and she sniffled. Your and Jisoo's bond isn't broken by any means, but even the children can tell there's something not quite right.

"I didn't mean for you to hear that, baby girl."

"Are you two going to be okay? I've never seen mama that mad before."

And that question coming from her daughter seemed to hurt the most, "I hope so, Pey. I hope so."

[vickypoochoices]

ABC Fluffs.

Thank you to @krsnlove for requesting this. It’s been sat untouched in my drafts for a while, so I thought I’d finally get around to satisfying your needs!

I’ll make this ZigxLyla because she’s my most recent MC so I guess she’s still fresh in everyone’s mind. I'm gonna refer to events in Partner In Crime quite a lot so if you haven't read it and are confused, give it a read [HERE].

The L ove confession answer is a little segment taken from an NSFW chapter of PIC. I promise it's tame, I wanted to keep this clean, but consider this your warning. (I don't think it even counts but i just want to make sure no one gets upset at a slightly suggestive piece!) Apart from that, I think it's all cute and fluffy!

Also, I started writing this from Zig's perspective and it just kind of stuck.

Tagging: @zigortega4life @emerald-bijou @littlegreenmoo (I fear the fluff may kill you off, but it feels wrong not tagging you!) @krsnlove @itsalliepg @choicesthot @hustacks

If you want to be tagged/untagged in any of my future stuff, let me know.

[MASTERLIST.]

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them? We literally spend every spare second of the day together! I guess things aren't too different to how they were before. As best friends (and roomies) we always used to be around each other the majority of the time anyway, and as we share the same friend group, hanging out with them has always been something we've done together. We're still the same excitable big kids that chase each other around the apartment half naked. But I have somehow managed to persuade Lyla to join me at this new dance class once a week. She's got two left feet and hates every second of it, but my girl drives a hard bargain. I'm stuck with all the jobs she hates doing taking the garbage out and she's demanding a full body massage as well. I know she loves to moan about it, but I'm sure deep down she's happy to be doing it with me. Maybe.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them? Everything! Every single inch of her is perfect. From her fluffy bedhead hair first thing in the morning to the tiny little scar on her ankle left from when she had chicken pox as a kid. I think what has always drawn me to Lyla though is her sense of humour. We have this banter together that I've never really experienced with anyone else and it's kind of a huge turn on for me.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.? I'm not exactly an extravagant person, and it's not like I have the money to do anything over the top. For me, it's all about the little things. I know Lyla well enough by now to determine what's going to cut it, and whatever it is, I'll do it. I'll run a hot bubble bath or make a last minute dash to the shop for chocolate/ice cream/wine. And making her favourite meal is always going to be a winner. But sometimes patience and understanding is all you need. If that means holding my girl for an hour whilst she smears make up all over my top and let's it all out, then that's what I'll do.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o? In a slightly bigger apartment for starters! Don't get me wrong, we both love our little space, but I guess we both know one day in the future it's not going to be the most practical. Obviously both our mothers have already brought up the subject of grandchildren daily. I'm sure that will all come one day, but for now our dreams have only stretched to getting a pet together. Apparently Lyla is a hundred percent a cat person, but I'm hoping I can work some magic and persuade her that dogs are awesome too. I think that basically sums us up. We haven't planned out what we want to do with our lives or what career paths to take, but our biggest goal is to have a dog pet together!

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive? I wouldn't say either of us are like overbearingly dominant or anything, but if I had to give you a name, i'd say Lyla just about has the edge over me. I'm not saying she walks all over me or that she wears the trousers or anything like that. But sometimes I'll just go along with something for an easy life.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting? If you ignore the little disagreement about what pet we should get and all the shit that went down with Dean, we really don't ever fight. Don't get me wrong, Lyla is stubborn as hell! But I learnt a few things growing up with a house full of sisters, so I'm more likely to let things slide. The only thing I struggle with is when the green eyed monster comes out in Lyla.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them? I know this is so cliche and people always say how lucky they are to call their other half their best friend, but I genuinely can say that. Everything is just so easy with us and Lyla knows me like the back of her hand. There's this other side to her that no one else ever gets to see and I love that it's reserved for me. Just doing simple things like walking around holding hands, showing my girl off to the world, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world that she feels the same way about me. Author's Note: We all know Lyla has every reason to be grateful for the absolute sweetheart that she's bagged herself, despite fucking him in a closet and then running away to her controlling fiance, then telling him to stay away. You sure you're grateful Zig?

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything? I'm making a point now of not keeping anything from Lyla after that spectacularly backfired on me with the whole Cherry thing! Safe to say I've learnt my lesson! I want to protect her with every fiber or my being, but I know a relationship is nothing without honesty and trust.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems? I guess you'd have to ask Lyla about this one for her. I know things were a little crazy with Dick Dean, and I'd like to think I helped her as best I could through all of that during the aftermath. For me though, going through it all pushed me to realise just how much I need Lyla. I depend on her more than I ever thought possible. I was this empty shell of a man that didn't want to get out of bed when she left. I know, I know. It sounds a bit over the top, but it really is true what they say; You don't know what you have until it's gone. And I plan on holding on tight to my girl from now on, and never letting go.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it? I'm not gonna lie, it sucks when I catch a guy checking Lyla out. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna be a dick about it. Knowing I'm the one that gets to take her home to our apartment to sleep in our bed makes things a little easier too. I think she's completely oblivious to any male attention anyway. And as for Lyla, she does have a touch of the green eyed monster from time to time. It's difficult sometimes, especially knowing how strongly I feel for her, and I hope I do a good job of showing her that on a daily basis. But I know that's the kind of thing we have to talk about, instead of letting it blow out of proportion like last time.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like? A reminder of how their first kiss went;

And then their lips collided in a frenzy, neither of them sure who made the first move, past the point of caring. Zig’s nose squished against hers repeatedly as their lips smacked together messily, Lyla’s kisses quickly intensifying, her tongue insistently pleading with his, desperate for permission to continue.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o? Again, a reminder of how that went down;

“I can’t do this when you’ve been drinking. I can’t take advantage.”

“Take advantage? It makes no difference if i’ve had a drink or not. I’ll still love you when I wake up in the morning.”

Zig shook his head sadly, hating the stab of hope he felt inside at the words she’d just said. “And I’ll still love you. Partner in crime, right?”

Lyla pulled back, tearing herself away from his neck. She looked him straight in the eye, hers wide and serious as she spoke. “You’re not listening to me. I’m in love with you Zig. And I’ll be in love with you even when the bubbles are gone and the hangover wears off. I...”

He crushes his lips against hers, walking her backwards and pinning her against the wall, his hands tangling in her hair which had come loose at some point. He pressed his body firmly against her, letting Lyla feel the full affect she had on him. Her hand drifted downwards, fingers stroking his full length through his suit trousers. Zig groaned, before slamming his lips against hers once more, leaving her breathless.

“Tell me again.” He hissed, pressing sloppy kisses down her jawline.

"I’m in love with you Zig.”

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like? It's not something we've talked about but there's no doubt in my mind, Lyla is the love of my life and there's nothing I want more than for her to become Mrs Ortega. One day though. There's no rush right now, despite what our Mum's might want from us. I want to do it right. After all that shit with that sham of a wedding to Dean, Lyla deserves to have the perfect day. I'm not saying i've thought much about how exactly I'd propose, but I do know it would be in the apartment. Regardless of if we still live there or not, that's where it's happening. Candles can make anything look beautiful right? As for the wedding, it can be whatever Lyla wants. We could get married in a castle, church, hotel, barn, even the middle of a mall if thats what makes her happy. As long as our friends and family are there and it's Lyla saying 'I Do', that's all I need.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o? Damn Aaron and his catchy nicknames! Lyla has taken to calling me Ziggypop since I let slip how much I kinda actually hate it. And she's a fan of rolling out my full name from time to time. As for me, I guess I'm kind of boring. I stick to babe/baby. And let's not forget beautiful, because I love how that still makes her smile every time I say it.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings? Well judging by how I reacted after our brief time apart, I'm a miserable prick without Lyla, so I'd say it was pretty obvious for others just how much I love her. I don't really know how to answer that one about what I'm like when I'm in love because it feels like I fell hard for Lyla the minute I laid eyes on her. I've spent years clutching on to those feelings, and hoping people didn't cotton on. We're both guilty of expressing those pent up feelings freely, now that we can.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching? We're definitely that couple that everyone hates. I love Lyla, and I don't care if we're in a room alone or surrounded by people. If I want to kiss my girl then nothing and no one will stop me. And it's not like Lyla holds back either!

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship. I think I'm quite good at reading people, females in particular. Definitely a benefit from growing up in a house full of girls! Nothing really scares me or surprises me now with the opposite sex.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative? What wouldn't I do to make Lyla happy? I've sat through every soppy chick flick known to man with Lyla and I know I'd do the lot. Kissing in the rain, the iconic lift in the water, some sexy pottery making...Seriously though, I know I might joke about it, but all I really want is to see my girl smile, and to be the one making her smile. Whatever she wants, it's done. I might not be full of amazing romantic gestures, but I'll still try my hardest all the same.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them? Lyla will rule the world one day I'm sure of it. I mean, if that's what she wants to do. She's been stressing out recently because she doesn't have her whole life figured out yet, but I'm doing my best to convince her she doesn't have to. She's amazingly smart, and she can pick things up quickly. Whatever she eventually decides on, I'll be there to support her the whole way. Lyla has this awful saying that apparently all of the cool kids say 'Live your best life' that she constantly says to wind me up. And annoyingly it seems to do the trick. I'm planning a few more dance classes just for starters, so she might end up regretting those words of encouragement.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine? Spice up our relationship? That makes me cringe, I hope we never get to that point! Lyla is all about routine in everything. I've watched her do the same things day in, day out for the last three years. And now we're together I'm here to shake things up a little bit. I said shake, not spice! I'm not really making her try out new things forget about those dance classes. I just think life could still be fun if instead of getting up an hour early for work to eat breakfast and slap make up on, she spent that time in bed with me instead. She's too beautiful to hide behind make up, and obviously I wouldn't say no to an extra hour in bed with my girl.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic? Pretty good. I know that Lyla's favourite coffee is a salted caramel machiato with a heart drizzle on top but she doesn't even know that herself. I know she bought a load of cakes in the first time she met my Mum because she wanted to make a good impression, and ended up telling her she'd baked them all herself. The lie still lives on, and Lyla has to fill the sink with dishes everytime Mum visits! And I know that she got her stubborn streak from her father, which explains a lot!

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life? There is no comparison. Aside from my family, Lyla is the single most important thing to me. That question is like asking a fish how important water is to them, that's what she is for me. I don't just love her, I need her.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

"Babe, have you seen my jacket?"

Zig stopped in his tracks, his mouth falling open and his eyes widening in disbelief as he drank in the sight of Lyla.

The shiny black leather was a stark contrast against her pale skin, a touch of pink barely visible as it crept along the exposed flesh of her neck, her long hair twisted to one side.

She stood with her back to him, head cocked to the side as she peered at him from over one shoulder. Her teeth sank in to her full bottom lip in an attempt to suppress a giggle.

Zig swallowed hard as his eyes slowly lowered. Past her small shoulders, the excess material bunching up and hanging off of her. His tongue slowly traced around his lips as his gaze lowered further still, finding her hands bunching up a fistful of leather, the curve of her bare ass now visible. Her hips swayed seductively from side to side, her voice vibrating in her throat as she let out a low purr "This one?"

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle? I think the problem with us has always been that we're too affectionate. Not that I'm complaining! When I hold Lyla it's like I've got the whole entire world just sat there in my arms and I never want to let go. The fact that I can hold her all night long and kiss her sweet lips until we need to come up for air is just an added bonus! So glad we're out of the friend zone!

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of? Something like spending close to every waking minute of the day for weeks on end trying to find a way out of an unwanted marriage for her? Or is that too specific? I would do anything and everything for Lyla. Nothing is too much for the woman I love.

[aactyng-blog]

more creative writing from me

more like journaling

hello

i'm here

i made a deal last night

read more pages, and throw away the vape, but i made a compromise this morning, to not vape until i finish reading the book

i can feel its presence in the drawer next to me

i feel like i'm about to go through a tough time

let's see how strong this addiction is

but more honestly, let's so where my mental state is

to feel is to know is to feel

and so maybe i don't want to know

how do i turn back the hands of time

so i am born again in ignorance

is that impossible? can i condition myself to be that way

is that denial

i'm working a fulltime job right now

does that mean i can take some time off next months

sounds like a deal, thank you~

i love u anna, i'm not sure what else to say

we uncoupled w q in november 2021, and so we've been only with ourselves since then

but maybe we can count january 2021, when we finally broke off that disaster of a relationship. it's been a rough ride. and even then ... i don't know where things start or end. it feels like i've been on this journey for a long time, but those start times don't feel authentic to me

our relationship has gotten deep. i've put time into practicing self soothing. and it's been nice to be present, and get to know you. i love you. getting to know u, i can't help but love you.

dearest love, i trust you. i believe in you. i am here for you.

thank you for brushing your teeth every night. thank you for flossing every day. thank you for being mindful of when we are feeling frustrated, and practicing patience and kindness, practicing embracing our frustration and taking care of it. just being w it. and transforming it. the transforming is what we yearn for, but it makes sense that the other parts shouldn't be rushed.

thank you for agreeing to not vape for a while. we've been thinking about how many puffs we take during the day. it was a lot yesterday. i hope i don't lean too much into the book. i can see that happening.

creative writing. your noodle princess story yesterday was cute. what can i say.

dearest love, i can't help but love u when i open my eyes and mind to how much u try. your effort is quite amazing. and it also allows me to understand and love the world. bc u r, i am. we got this. we will be ok. we will be more than ok. we are choosing happiness and wellbeing. everything else is a bonus. we are choosing ourselves, everyone else is a bonus.

we need to put water in the bamboo plant.

here's a story for you.

once upon a time. there was a girl who worked at a noodle shop. (haha) one day a person came in. the girl didn't know if that person was a man or a woman. the person was beautiful. and noodle girl wanted to know more about the person.

another day, another person came into the noodle shop. this person was ugly. but they were kind. noodle girl did not want to be around this person.

yet another day, yet another person came to the noodle shop. this person was ugly and rude. noodle girl was taken aback. she wanted to push this person out of the shop, but was also hesitant, afraid of this person's outbursts.

i love you beb, have a great day, i'll see you tomorrow.

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #19: Wishbone (2000)

Hey, is anyone still alive out there? I hope so.

Coming off of last year was a disaster, and well, we didn't enter 2021 on the highest of notes. I guess you could say I've been burned out and not having a ton of motivation to do a lot, even with how much I've been grinding on Letterboxd over the past few months. I think I'm ready to come back, and since there's a storm is brewing outside, let's make today a movie night...and boy, do I have a treat for you.

I think I've made it kind of apparent that I have a weakness for terrible, low-budget, trash fires. There's something oddly charming about them where they always find a way to lure me in, and given the scene on Letterboxd, there's a bunch of SOV masochists out there waiting to get their next fix. While digging around for material to cross off my lists on titles to find and add, I was reminded of a terrible, low-budget film that was shot in my hometown over 20 years ago. I'm full of fear for what's to come, and you should be too.

________________________________________

Wishbone is a 2000 horror film directed by Timothy Gaer and co-created by Michael Fasciana, centering on a woman named Laurie who receives an unusual artifact from her eccentric aunt she acquired from a pawn dealer that causes those around her to disappear when they make wishes on it. Hmm, seems simple enough. Let's what we're in for, and I'm absolutely not ready because the IMDb page says this shit is over two hours long, despite a version on Youtube having it just a bit over 90 minutes. Let us pray.

Wishbone in One Gif:

This acting is might be the death of me, but I'm not sure what's going to be the catalyst that causes me to fall down the stairs and break my neck: the sound quality, the weird editing, or the music...oh, god what the fuck is the music doing? So much noise, noise noise!

Okay, so let's dig into this before I take too long of a break and I don't come back to this. I've already had to pause the movie a few times to catch my breath or just rewind and go back because there's a good amount that I keep missing because, apparently, the star of the film is the score and not Laurie. This is so, so slow. I've seen a lot of long horror movies, but at least with those, it feels like things are happening. Even Blood Lake had filler that did something to some degree, and with that, it was consistently bad. This movie doesn't even know what it wants to do. So, as a disclaimer, there's a good chance I'm probably missing some key details that I didn't hear because it seems that characterization isn't important if the music insists on talking over everyone.

________________________________________

So, to date, this might be one of the worst horror movies (and movies in general) that I've ever seen and it might be one of the slowest things in the entire megaverse. This is over 90 minutes of, somehow, nothing and something happening simultaneously - if that makes any sense.

This takes its sweet ass time moving along and there's so little pay-off. The majority of the characters are either nameless or we aren't introduced to them in a way that matters enough for us to care about them. It's kind of like with Violent Shit and other low-budget slasher films where the majority of the characters serve no purpose but to be disposable. Next to the two main leads, Laurie and Joe, and maybe a few others, everyone is just forgettable and even then I couldn't honestly tell you anyone's name if it was explicitly brought up. IMDb isn't helpful either, and at this point it just makes me care even less. I'm not sure if my patience has been tested too much with this, but it's kind of sad that I'm more invested in seeing what the background characters are doing than Laurie and Joe - even though I can't really hear what the hell they're saying.

Yeah, I really can't move on without talking about the sound and the music. Why is it always the audio with these movies? This has an estimated budget of $100,000, or $154,779.43 today in August 2021. How do you have the ability to somehow not make this look like a potato for the most part, well for the day shots that is, but you don't have it in you to get a good mic and someone who knows how to mix and edit correctly? I would sort of understand if you spent the majority of the money on talent to cut corners, but this is just ridiculous. Did they use the cameras' built-in mics to catch the audio here?

I feel like I need to interrupt the movie constantly to tell them to speak up because if I turn up the volume, I'm just getting bombarded with this really weird soundtrack that doesn't fit. I shit you not, during one of the kill scenes, the music booming over it sounds like it was ripped from Kevin MacLeod's "lounge" library and then the reverse happens where ominous music is playing over a more touching scene - and that's not even a dig at Kevin as an artist. That's just how inappropriate and unfitting this editing is. The weird fucking thing about this specific kill scene is that it sounds like the audio is stacked, so there are two different instrumental tracks going on.

How do you fuck something as basic as tension up like that? The audio choices are so painfully inconsistent and it doesn't know what it wants to do. There are moments where you can hear the dialogue just fine, but then the music comes in out of nowhere to segway us into the next scene and it starts to muffle things out. If it isn't that, then the dialogue is just so soft that you'd think there was a pillow on the mic or we're hearing them from the opposite side of a sound-dampened room.

This is what I meant earlier when I said I apologize in advance if I miss anything crucial because I can't make out half of these conversations. So, I'm having to keep going back if I care enough or just having to pause and take breaks because there's only so much I can handle. This means that there's a good amount I'll blank on because I have to keep going back because I can't remember the majority of these no-named characters. Who the fuck are you people? Why am I supposed to care?

If I'm understanding the non-existent rules of the wishbone, you're connected to whoever dies in some way. So, why is any of this relevant to what's going on? If it's random, then it's another reason for me not to care just because some frat kids made a wish at some point. Again, who the hell are you and why am I supposed to lament over them? Why is there so much useless filler here? Did I mention that this is over 90 minutes long and there are *three* fucking party scenes? Party scenes are to Wishbone as ten-minute-long jetskiing and beer game scenes are to Blood Lake.

Oh, speaking of other shit that's annoying. Let's talk about general editing because the sound isn't the only thing that's a mess here.

I swear that almost every single scene in this ends with a fade-out/fade-in shot. Only one or two scenes come to mind where this doesn't happen, and the first time it did I thought my browser was freezing because it abruptly cut to black and then smash cuts to a party scene. I've never, ever seen a movie that abused this that much before and it's on par with something I would have seen made by a bunch of high school kids. So, when we have a moment where this doesn't happen and it plays out normally, it feels like a breath of fresh air. I'm sure this movie's run time could have been shaved down by at least a minute or two if this wasn't a problem, along with all the useless close-up shots that serve nothing to the plot.

It's such a waste of time. I'm so fucking tired. How was this movie's budget $100k? Did they spend most of it on renting the Scranton Police Department for a few shots or did it go towards their impromptu trip to Party City? I'm so tired and I don't care anymore.

Do you want to know what the real kicker is? With just barely twenty minutes left, the whole lore about the monkey's wishbone paw comes back and that's when Laurie and her friend Karen think something is weird. Isn't this whole realization trope that happens within the first or second act, not now with your Great Value brand version of the Dream Warriors?

Also, it's not specified how much time has gone by since the start, but it has to have been at least a week or two. It's incredibly weird how they paint the main characters and the unnamed background ones as such good friends that they don't think it's weird how almost all of them have disappeared - especially one girl who doesn't seem off-put that her boyfriend (or ex) disappeared after getting into an argument at one of the parties and none of his friends could reach him either at his own house.

The final showdown is an utter pain in the ass to get through because the conflict ends as abruptly as it starts and it's so unsatisfying. We get to see the face of our villain, I guess, and then more or less cut to our leads holding hands down the street set to the same looping lounge music we've been dealing with for over 90 damn minutes. Is everyone else who went with them dead? Did they live? Who cares! That's one thing the movie and I can agree on since we never see them again. We end on a shitty cliffhanger that's supposed to prepare us for a sequel, which thankfully never happened.

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And that was Wishbone. Holy fucking shit, I've never been so thankful for a movie to be over in my life. It's 11:07 PM as of tinkering with some minor revisions and I've been in purgatory with this for over five hours, and yet, it feels like an entire lifetime has gone by.

I've raved about how bad Blood Lake was with its incredibly bad pacing, but this is next level awful and a testament to bad filmmaking if I've ever seen it. I expect a lot of the things I complained about from super amateur filmmakers who are shooting on an actual shoestring budget, not people who had that much money to fuck around with. How did they have that kind of a budget, and the most they can give us is bad audio, Windows Movie Maker levels of basic editing, three wrap parties, and a few crumbs of gore that we could see?

This was physically painful to see and I'm in much worse shape having endured it than I would have been if I sat through something liked Boardinghouse, and that has a two-and-a-half-hour-long version tied to it. This is just a marvel and I mean that in a so-bad-it's-bad way, not like how SOV enthusiasts who love this stuff pine over. If I had to give one thing going for it, one single granule of gold that I enjoyed from this, it's the limited shots we get of the area so I could make a game out of seeing what local spots I recognized. If playing I Spy is the only way for someone to endure your movie, then I don't know what else to say.

Wishbone is a hot mess where shit's happening, but also nothing is happening at the same time. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. In fact, I wish this movie never existed or would die in the ether and never return to our mortal realm ever again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke and hope I don't get run over by a hearse tomorrow.

RATING: 0.5/10