#thank you for sticking by this mess of an art blog
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lesoldatmort · 1 year ago
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Some Holiday cheer from Kuroneko!
...and bonus tangerine madness with little teruVa and Woowoo from earlier this month, you know, for more seasonal cheer up <3 stay safe and cozy!
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yes-asil · 1 year ago
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It's funny how this blog when a friend first showed me this blog, was all wild kratz, then ghost boy, warrior cats at one point. Than I come back now *boom* Detco was a huge thing here lol
My blog is a representation of my brain, which goes from fandom to fandom on a weekly basis. The only constant is Ghost Boys, I'm always working on it.
I just... get distracted, a lot.
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askendy · 9 months ago
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Hiya!! just wanted to say I love your blog!! When I started drawing like 10 years ago I was OBSESSED with it. I looked to you a lot for reference and inspiration and every few years, when I check back in on Tumblr, I'm really glad to see that you're still kicking :D To this day, your art and characters are still so Mwah Mwah Chef's Kiss and still inspires me to put more into my art :>
After a decade I've never figured out (but now finally have the courage to ask) if there's like a compilation of The Lore somewhere?? After all this time I'd actually love to fully know What is Going On TT v TT Best I could figure to do back then was spend a few hours scrolling to the very beginning of your blog and reading until the ol' laptop crashed.
I hope you're doing well!!
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L: first of all thank you so much for sticking around for so long it means a lot! <3 These are the most important events in Endy's story in order and from his perspective without including the most recent ones (everything after beginning 2021 - the revival of the fandom). I hope it helps! The blog is a mess and it's missing a bunch of my art due to the images being previously linked from my now dead imgur account. But if you're still interested in getting to know his story in greater detail I turned off the endless scrolling ^^ It has pages now so it's easier on your laptop and more convenient for others to browse too.
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rogersideup · 1 year ago
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Nice to be Kneaded
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Chapter 15
Everything will be Okay
series masterlist
Previous part: Cinnamon Roll Next Part: Crawl Home to You
Word Count: 6,979
Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions of medical equipment, loss, abuse, PTSD, anxiety and depression.
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"This is the worst thing I've ever done" Steve complained, puffing out short winded breaths as he worked at the table opposite you.
He decided he wanted to learn how to bake bread after watching you do it so many times. The patiences and techniques behind the art intrigued him, and there was no one better to learn from than you, the best of the best.
You laughed as you watched him struggle to knead the dough on the floured counter facing yours. His cheeks were turning pink and his dough was still shaggy and lumpy, he was completely envious of yours already becoming smooth and bouncy. "Don't look at mine, it's unfair to you. I have experience, comparison is going to kill all your confidence."
"My arms hurt" Steve emphasized.
"Your arms pulled an in-flight helicopter into the top of a building, and single handedly ended World War II. I'm pretty sure they can handle an artisan loaf, Baby." You smiled.
"How long have we been kneading?" He puffed out.
You peaked at the clock, "mmmm, 3 minutes."
"How long do we need to do this?"
"Usually 10"
"Okay, well, you must have arms of steel because this is impossible."
"I believe in you!" You encouraged him. "Use the heels of your palms, push the dough out then pull it back. You can even go diagonally, side to side."
"You're not even out of breath?" He noted in disbelief. "I feel like I'm asthmatic again."
"Do you need an inhaler? I'm sure I can find you one" A giggle slipped past your lips.
"You're a super soldier." Steve stated, his arms coming to a stand still to take a break. "There's no way someone can just do this."
"Here, let's swap. I got a good start on this one so it'll be easier for you." You said walking over to his side of the table, and taking over his dough while he moved over to yours.
"See, much easier. Now I'm a bread master!" He exclaimed, working with your dough that was already almost completely smooth rather than his shaggy mess.
"I knew you could do it! Great job, Stevie" You smiled.
"Thank you, thank you." He accepted your compliment.
A comfortable silence fell between you two as the sound of music filled your ears, you were obviously very concentrated on fixing the monstrosity of a dough pile Steve had left you.
It was sticking to every square inch of your hands, yet also incredibly crumbly and dry. You had no idea how he even went about creating such a substance, but you sure as hell were going to make it work, and you definitely weren't going to say anything about it.
He knew it wasn't correct, it was written all over your face but that made him happy. Watching you try to work with the crumbly goo with furrowed eyebrows and a smile that you tried to hold back warmed his heart, you were always so kind and encouraging.
"So..." Steve broke the silence.
"So?" You acknowledged.
"I was thinking."
"Oh gosh, that's scary..." You joked.
"Our anniversary passed not too long ago..." He mentioned, causing you to look up at him with a fond look on your face.
"That was six months ago" You pointed out, unsure if not too long was the proper description of how much time had actually passed.
Once all of the scary bumps that came along with establishing a new relationship were smoothed out, unlike the dough beneath your hands, your relationship with Steve was so smooth it glided by effortlessly and fast.
The concept of time since the blip in general felt quite odd, it felt like five years had passed by in the blink of an eye, yet the way of living with only half the population was so normal and routine now you couldn't imagine a time in which you lived a normal life before the blip.
That's exactly how you felt about your time with Steve as well. He moved in permanently next door, then before you knew it his lease was up and he moved in to your house. The spaces that were once yours were now yours and Steve's.
Four and a half years deep into your official relationship with the man and you couldn't even remember a time in which his easel wasn't always displaying a half completed work of art in the corner of the living room and there wasn't a Captain America suit tucked away in the very back of the closet, hiding away in a garment bag.
The two of you created the simple, care free life of your dreams. One in which the biggest struggle you faced on the daily basis was keeping the bakery stocked despite the ever growing crowds, and missing Steve whenever he was away on business to the compound in New York.
"So our anniversary is coming up!"'He enthused.
You laughed at his change of words, "only six months away!"
"Can you believe that four and a half years ago I waltzed in here for a cookie, and that simple choice single handedly changed both of our lives?" He questioned.
"Wow, kneading bread makes you so philosophical." You noted. "What a great choice you made, just goes to show that cookies really are the better part of life."
"You're the better part of my life, sunflower." He purposely cheesed causing you to look back up at him once more.
"How sweet" You acknowledged. "If my hands weren't covered in dough I'd reach up and boop your nose."
He laughed while he continued kneading your loaf that he was definitely going to claim as his now. "Maybe we could spend our half-anniversary in New York?"
Steve was going through a phase in which you could've never ever predicted, he hated going up to the compound now. He dreaded work trips, he hated how cold his room in the compound always seemed to feel, he despised all the memories that came to mind when he walked around.
From what you could understand through multiple conversations about this, he just didn't like being away from you. Being away from you when the blip happened and having no control over your arrest traumatized him in a way he would never admit, but in a way you could see in his eyes every time he had to leave town.
Regardless of what it was that made him resent the compound so much, you knew that it was a whole lot easier for him when you tagged along. So now he found a lot of creative reasons to try and drag you to New York.
Each reason was more creative than the last, and you said yes every single time he asked. At this point in your relationship, you were pretty sure you've spent over four months time in New York and it was starting to feel like a second home.
"You know you don't really need a reason to get me to New York right?" You smiled. "I'd love to spend our half anniversary with you, and I'll go with you to wherever you need to go."
"But coming up with a reason is half the fun" Steve admitted.
"Is this fun?" You questioned, motioning to the dough in your hands.
"This is exhausting!" He answered honestly, earning a laugh from you.
"You know what I love about going to the compound with you?"
"That Nat is there?" He questioned.
"That I get to learn about all the cool things you do for once. It's like going to the Avengers bakery and kneading the Captain America loaf!" You explained. "But yeah, I do love seeing Nat."
Steve giggled at your analogy, loving every second of watching your skillful hands try their absolute hardest to make his faulty dough pile work. "I'm always worried that you might be bored whenever I drag you with me."
"Bored?!" You emphasized. "My love, I'm a civilian in the Avengers compound. There's absolutely nothing boring about that."
"Okay, so next week you'll come with me?" He asked just to make sure.
"Of course" you reassured.
"Woohoo!" He shook his shoulders and hips in a little happy dance, hands sill focused on the dough. "Best day ever!"
You laughed at his response, "if this is the best day ever, then I think we should get out more."
"Okay, now is your chance to be honest with me." Steve prompted. "Does that dough lump have any potential at all of becoming anything close to a loaf of bread?"
"You know I love you very, very much?" You smiled, batting your eyelashes.
"Of course I do." Steve giggled.
"We're gonna have to squish this." You told him honestly. "But the bright side is that you're doing so well kneading that loaf, it'll be the prettiest, glutinous loaf to ever come out of this kitchen!"
"You said that so nicely, I'm not even upset about it" Steve shrugged, prompting you to smile.
You walked over to him and rocked up on your tippy toes before smacking a kiss to his cheek. "You're wonderful, we'll try again soon."
Before you knew it, you were right back in New York, smack dap in the compound. Whenever you were here you completely understood that Steve was here to work, so you never expected him to keep you entertained by any means. So you always brought your laptop and took care of business from the comfort of his room or the living room depending on what him and Nat were up to that day.
And 100% of the times you stepped foot into the Avengers home, whoever was lingering around always asked for you to bake them something, and you were always happy to say yes.
This particular night, Nat requested a chocolate chip cheesecake. After going to the store to get everything you needed, making all the parts and popping it in the oven, you started to do the dishes.
Muscular forearms wrapped around your stomach from behind, and the front of Steve's body warmly pressed against your back.
"How's it going, baby?" He questioned.
"Good, almost done in here." You responded while enjoying every second of his embrace. "How are you? Sleepy?"
"So tired." He confirmed. "I have a few hours of work left to get ready for the support group tomorrow but I think Nat is wrapping up for the night. You'll be okay?"
"Of course, I still have to input payroll and enter the supply delivery invoice for the bakery so I have plenty to do." You grinned, wiping your hands off so you could turn around to face him. When you did, you couldn't help but to admire him. His hair, his cute outfit, the fond yet tired look in his eyes. Reaching up, you squeezed his shoulders to try and relax his tense posture as his hands made their way to your hips. "You're so beautiful."
His cheeks turned pink before dropping his head onto your shoulder. "You're beautiful-er."
"Why does it have to be a competition? Just accept your handsomeness and move on" You giggled at his shyness, even after four and a half years together.
"Becauseeeee" he complained. "I'm lucky to have you, and I'm so happy you're here. Then, you're always really nice to me and all the people here that I love and I just can't even process how sweet you are."
You smiled before you both mutually leaned in for a kiss. "I promise you that I feel like the lucky one."
"Impossible." He shook his head in denial with his cheeks stilly adorably rosy. "Thank you for baking for us."
"Anytime, you know I love it."
Steve nodded in agreement. "I'll see you in a few hours?"
"I'll be here." You gave his shoulders another good squeeze. "We'll get those pretty eyes of yours some good rest."
By the time Steve finished up work and made his way back to the living quarters, it was already way past the bedtime he subconsciously made for himself to keep up with living with a baker. 10 at night felt like he had pulled an all nighter, and it seems as though that's how you felt as well considering he found you and Nat asleep on the couch.
Empty plates on the coffee table with Oreo crumbs being the only evidence of the cheesecake you made hours prior, and a movie that Steve had never even heard of playing on the TV provided the only source of light in the big space.
You and Nat had obviously gotten close and comfortable with each other, the shared blanket across your laps and your head plunked over onto Nat's shoulder with her head on top of yours made Steve smile and feel endlessly happy.
As much as you loved Nat, Steve knew Nat needed every drop of love and friendship you could give her. You both knew she was struggling ever since the blip, she spent every waking moment trying to monitor the world and find a solution. Steve didn't even know she was capable of settling down enough for even just a few hours to be able to fall asleep while watching a movie in the first place. You weren't just his sunflower, but everyone's who was lucky enough to earn your love.
Though he hated to break up the adorable scene in front of him, he was just as tired as the two of you evidently were and knew he should get you to bed.
He started by waking up Nat considering you were stuck beneath her. She was a light sleeper so it didn't take more than gently shaking her arm to wake her up, and she came to her senses quickly enough to immediately recognize what Steve was about to do.
"Good morning." Nat grinned, not lifting her head from the top of yours.
"Morning." Steve smiled. "Any chance I could get my girl back so I can send you two off to bed?"
"No. She's mine now." Nat denied. "Shes so cute and cuddly like a little puppy."
"You can have her back in the morning, but if she doesn't get some real sleep she gets a little grumpy." Steve bargained.
"Fine, but she's mine tomorrow. We're gonna go run some errands and grab lunch together."
"That sounds great, you could use a few hours away from this place." Steve encouraged.
"Just for that comment, I'm staying home." Nat joked.
"I will literally pay for both of you to go get your nails done if that means you'll get some fresh, non recirculated air." Steve sassed.
"A manicure and I get to take your girl out? Sign me up." She continued joking.
"The only conditions are that you go get some sleep and let me have nighttime custody of her so that she can get some sleep too."
"You're such a dad." She stated while carefully nudging your head off of her shoulder, then slowly standing up when she had successfully moved you off of her.
"Can I get you anything before you head off to bed?" Steve checked in.
"No, I'm okay. Thank you." She approached him and squeezed his shoulder before he just pulled her in for a hug anyways. "Goodnight, Rogers."
"Night, Romanoff." He reciprocated before letting go and she walked off into her room.
Now, he had you. His precious little lump on the couch. The dishes on the coffee table could be taken care of in the morning, and the TV would auto shut off in an hour or two. So he picked you up and held you tightly in his arms, and you immediately snuggled into neck.
He could tell you woke up at some point considering you started leaving little kisses to his exposed skin before he made it to his room. You were already in your pajamas ready to go, so he gently laid your down on the bed before he changed into some pajama shorts and brushed his teeth before laying down next to you.
Surprisingly, you were still awake and quick to pull the blankets over the two of you as you settled into each other. Appreciating the warmth of his soft bare skin, you laid your head on his chest and wrapped your arm tightly around his stomach, hand resting on the side of his rib cage.
You placed a little kiss to his collar bone before propping yourself up a bit on your arm to spark up a conversation you needed to get off your mind before you could truly get some restful sleep.
"How was the rest of your day, honey?" You questioned as one of his hands slipped up the back of your crewneck, the other drew little circles onto your hip.
"It was okay, pretty routine." He responded softly. "How's Nat doing?"
"That poor girl needs to get a life away from all of this." You sighed.
"I know" Steve nodded in agreement. "It's really hard to take a step back when you feel directly responsible, but it's not healthy. I've been encouraging her to get out more but she doesn't listen."
"I invited her to stay with us in Greenwood in a few weeks, hopefully she takes me up on that." You moved your hand up to his chest.
"That would be really fun." Steve grinned. "Did you have fun tonight?"
"Mhm, I mostly worked the whole time though." You admitted. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something before we sleep."
"What's going on?" He asked, you could tell he was paying a little closer attention now.
"So I ran some numbers on profit and what not, and just for shits and giggles I reached out to my lender and contractor to see if this was even a possibility when I had the idea but now that it's looking very possible, I wanted to see how you felt about this..."
"About what?" He raised an eyebrow in anticipation.
"What would you think about me opening a second location of the bakery?" You asked.
His face immediately lit up in a big smile. "Darling, that's incredible! You should absolutely do it if you feel comfortable enough."
"I do feel really good about it." You confirmed. His happy response made your heart soar. When you first opened Nice to be Kneaded, your last partner ridiculed you every single day. He thought the idea of owning a business would simply be too much of a challenge for you. He told you that you'd never succeed, that it would go under and cause debts for the rest of your life. Though you were at a point in your relationship with Steve where you never doubted his ability to be a kind person, his kindness still made you happy every single day. "The reason I really wanted to ask you is because I was advised the best location to break ground in would be New York."
His big smile grew even wider, and the corners of his eyes crinkled with adorable smile lines. "Are you for real?"
"Yeah" you giggled at his response.
"That makes me so happy!" He pouted his lip and furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm so proud of you."
"So I take it that you think this is a good idea?" The smile never left your face.
"I think it's the best idea you've ever had." He exaggerated.
"Then I guess I'll give it the green light first thing tomorrow morning." You settled the issue then settled back into his body.
The two of you talked for a little while about what life would look like with another bakery in New York. Both of you traveled back and forth so often now that dividing your time between two places was already second nature. He even pitched getting the two of you an apartment somewhere between the city and the compound so you both felt more at home when away from Greenwood. Though you loved the idea, you encouraged him to let all these thoughts settle for a day or two until you had a better idea on the logistics of this new endeavor. Besides, it was already late and you were both tired, there was nothing you could even arrange until the morning.
Though you felt settled and completely relaxed snuggled up to him, you played with his hair and tried to get him to relax too. You could feel his tension, but it was normal. No matter how exhausted he was, if he was at the compound his mind was busy and never quite turned off. His thoughts shifted from the happy thoughts of a future where the two of you hopped from bakery to bakery, big city Avenging to a small town simple life to something that had nothing to do with the sweet girl in bed giving him the most delightful cuddles he could've ever wanted.
You knew he was enjoying spending time with you even if his mind was up in the clouds, his hand that never stopped drawing shapes into your back told you that loud and clear.
"What are you thinking about, love?" You asked.
He let out a sigh and his eyes never left the ceiling, then his lips pressed into a straight line, then a forced grin and he finally looked at you. "What do we do if we can't find a way to undo what Thanos did?"
"What do we do," You motioned to the two of you "or what do the Avengers do?"
"Both. Either." He said, desperate to hear the right answer he couldn't find.
"Well I think both have the same answer." You shrugged. "Acceptance, then moving on."
He gave you the most adorable stink eye you've ever seen, so cute you had to hold back a giggle. "Why does everyone say that?"
"You preach it every time you hold a support group, no?" You questioned.
"That's different."
"How so?"
"Civilians aren't responsible for what happened, they deserve to live their lives exactly how they would if this never happened." He explained.
Whenever he spoke about the situation, you could feel a genuine pain in your chest. His feelings about the snap were like a rollercoaster. Some days, he could see the benefits, he could almost understand why Thanos did what he did. He could go about his day with acceptance, go to sleep with the intention of continuing to rebuild tomorrow. Then sometimes he'd wake up that next morning feeling the weight of every blipped person on his shoulders. As if he was the one who decided this needed to happen. That weight seemed to double every time he was in New York.
So with an ache in your heart, you tried to put a bandage over his. "Right now are you looking for the truth, or are you looking for reassurance?"
He groaned at your level-headedness, before shoving his face into your neck. "I'm looking for anything or anyone to just tell me it's going to be okay."
Understanding now that he needed reassurance instead of actual logical advice, you caressed the back of his head with your hand and used your other arm to hold him safe and sound against you. "Of course it's going to be okay, sweet boy.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be so... grim, I just- I have to be strong all day every day for everyone else and sometimes you're the only one who can be strong for me." He admitted.
You kissed the top of his head a few times before providing the words he probably really needed to hear. "Life was okay yesterday, and the day before that, and it'll continue being okay tomorrow, and every day after that just like it has been for the past five years. Nobody blames you for what happened, and all of you guys deserve to move on too, not just civilians. The ground is still under your feet, the sky is still above your head and I'll never leave your side. The sun and moon are still taking turns, so I'm pretty confident when I say that everything is fine."
"That was great" Steve mumbled into your neck.
"Yeah? You feel any better?" You questioned with a smile.
"Mhm, I'm gonna use that in the support group tomorrow."
You smiled, though he couldn't see it before squeezing the back of his neck. "I love you, you're not going to bring back half the population from bed."
"I love you too, should I get up?"
"Go to sleep" You whispered directly into his ear, earning his sweet laugh that you loved so much.
"You first, traitor." Steve said playfully.
"Traitor?! Why am I a traitor?" You asked, feigning offense.
"You we're cuddling Natasha and not me." Steve fake cried.
You laughed before stating "Excuse me?! You've kissed Nat before, so I don't want to hear anything about my cuddles, sir!"
"Ugh?!" Steve was immediately taken back. "She kissed me and it was for a mission! Don't even start with that!"
You couldn't help but continue laughing at how flustered that statement made him. "Poor, Stevie! Your cheeks are so pink."
"I miss 10 seconds ago when you didn't bring that up." He pouted, a smile prevailing past his attempts to pretend like this conversation wasn't funny. "It was a life or death escape situation and we've never done anything romantic since then, okay?"
"I'm not bothered, baby" You continued smiling while prying his hands away from covering his face. "Were your bothered by our cuddles?"
"No, not at all." He denied. "I actually thought it was really adorable, I was just joking."
"And I think it's really cute that you and Nat shared a smooch" You pinched his cheek between two fingers.
"She implied that I was a bad kisser, by the way." Steve giggled. "So, neither of us enjoyed that experience."
You laughed at the confession before cooing, "awww poor, Stevie. Did that hurt your pride?"
"It wasn't a fair assessment, I wasn't ready for it." He defended himself.
"Exactly, you're a great kisser." You smoothed over the review that obviously stuck around with him for a while. "I know from experience!"
"Thanks, Baby. I appreciate your input on the matter." He gave your hip a nice squeeze.
"I'll be sure to talk to Nat about it in the morning to try and sway her opinions on it ." You joked.
"Absolutely do not do that" His eyebrows raised in horror.
You laughed once more before cupping his face and laying a long one on him. "I would never."
"Good, cause I think the sleepiness has taken over the both of our brains and made us a little crazy." He smiled.
You rested your head back onto its rightful spot on his shoulder, your hand rested over his heart and his free hand that wasn't on your back lovingly wrapped around your wrist. "Are you going to be able to shut your brain off long enough to fall asleep?"
"Of course" He appeased your worries about him. "I always sleep well when you're with me. You're like a little sleeping pill, the second you fall asleep on me, you put me to sleep too."
"Cheese ball" You poked fun at him with a content smile as you closed your eyes and wrapped the blankets tighter around the both of you.
"I might be cheesy, but I always will be. And I'm proud of it!" He agreed.
"I love it so much." You admitted. "And I love you so much."
"I love you too." He kissed the top of your head. "Goodnight, Sunflower."
"Sweet dreams, Stevie."
Not even two whole minutes of silence and attempts at sleeping went by before Steve gasped.
"Wait... are you asleep?" He asked, using his hands to dramatically shake you. "Wake up! This is important!"
"I'm awake, I'm awake!" You alerted his urgency. "Jeez dude, you're scrambling my brain."
"Oh good! You're awake!" He said. You didn't have to see his face to know he was wearing a big sarcastic smile. Steve's favorite hobby was definitely being a little shit.
"What a blessing." You mumbled.
"I forgot to ask you out on a date tomorrow night!" He enthused.
"Sorry dude, I think we're better just as friends." You carried on the tradition of your favorite inside joke.
"Sooooooo... should I cancel the engagement ring?" He quipped.
Recently the two of you were talking about getting married a lot, and if there was two things you both agreed on it's that a marriage was definitely in the books for the two of you soon, and that being engaged should never be truly be a surprise. Sure, time and place of the proposal as a surprise was the fun part, but both of you setting clear intentions and a well timed future that flowed at a comfortable pace for the two of you was important.
"A date sounds great!" You overly enthused.
"Great! I made dinner reservations without asking first so I'm glad you said yes."
"Risky business, Rogers." You smiled.
"Okay now go to sleep." He giggled.
"You first..." You poked his chest with very low effort.
When the morning came, you were up and out way before Steve was to start your morning with Nat. She wanted to get back to the compound before a planned call with affiliates of the Avengers, so the two of you snuck out before most of the compound was awake. Much like most mornings when you woke up before Steve, you covered him up with the blankets nice and snug, kissed him goodbye, and wished him a great day.
A nice long walk and chat followed by coffee, breakfast, and a nice relaxing manicure had Nat feeling brand new.
You dropped her off at the compound then left again to meet up with a friend of yours that lived pretty close by. While catching up on each others lives for a few hours, Steve called you.
Figuring he didn't realize you were busy, you denied the call to clue him in to text you instead. You often times did this if he needed to get through to you at work. But this time, your sunflower necklace lit up four times, a number that didn't have a code attached, then your phone rang again.
Figuring it was probably important, you excused yourself and quickly picked up the call.
"Hi, baby." You spoke timidly into the phone.
"Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt I know you're busy." He sighed. You could tell by his tone that his brain was fried.
"No worries, is everything okay?" You questioned.
"Remember Scott Lang? Ant-Man?" He asked.
"Yeah, yeah I do." You nodded though he couldn't see you. "He was blipped right?"
"You see, that's the weird part." Steve puffed out a confused chuckle. "He's at the compound. He just... showed up."
"What?!" You said louder than you probably should, earning weird looks from strangers around you.
"Yeah, he was stuck in the quantum realm and now he's here, and we think-" He started but cut himself off to think about how he was going to phrase this without worrying you.
But the pause was deafening. "You think what?"
"I think you should make your way back here whenever you're done with your friend so we can talk about it more."
"That sounds so scary" You admitted.
"No, everything is fine. I promise." He reassured you.
"Should I come home right now?"
"No, baby, it's okay" He tried to calm you down once again. "Nothing to be anxious about. I just think we need to visit Tony and get a few other ducks in a line and I want to make sure I can get you someplace safe before we start looking into this more."
"So you guys found some good hope?" You asked, this time with a smile knowing that's exactly what Steve needed.
"A lot of hope and possibly the craziest pipe dream of all time, but we can get into that when you get here, okay?"
"Okay" You sighed. "Everyone's okay?"
"Everyone is fine." Steve smiled. "I want you to keep having fun with your friend. I'll see you later."
"See you soon. Love you"
"Love you too."
Though he tried his hardest to reassure you that everything was fine, you couldn't clear your head of the endless possibilities of what this could mean for the future of the whole universe. Those thoughts didn't even allow you to fully appreciate or give your undivided attention to your friend, so you called it a day as soon as you could. And when you arrived back at the compound, you immediately spotted Steve sitting outside on a bench.
You could tell his mind was occupied by a billion racing thoughts, his breathing was steady and there was a pinch in his brows.
Approaching slowly and sitting next to him, he wrapped you up in a side hug before kissing your temple and letting you go. "What's going on, Honey?"
He sighed in appreciation as your hand found its way to his back, rubbing long, firm strips up and down to comfort him. "We think we can time travel."
"What?" Your hand stopped in place.
"Go back in time before Thanos, get the stones from a bunch of different points in time, snap again." Steve explained like it was the most simple idea in the world.
"But..... how?" You we're blown away by the possibility, but the biggest part of you was terrified of what that meant for him, the world, and the entire future.
"Something to do with pym particles and a quantum tunnel, I don't really understand it." Steve explained, his mind was wandering miles away from him. "We have Bruce en route to work on that, but we're going to get Tony. Try to assemble the whole team again."
You didn't quite have the words at the moment, nor the time to even process this as a possibility. Whenever you couldn't quite grasp a concept that was much larger than you, but whenever you felt so tiny in the vastness of the universe, Steve was always there to put you on his shoulders and make you feel big again. "How do you feel about this?"
"I feel ready to just get it done." He explained.
"Are you scared?" You plopped your head down onto his shoulder, he nestled his cheek into the crown of your head.
"No" He denied softly. "Are you?"
"If you're not then I'm not" You smiled. That was a lie, but you always tried to not burden him with your own fears.
Though letting him out of your grasp and straight into battles often appeared in your own nightmares, you reeled in your feelings as to not disrupt his own peace. As often as you wanted to tell him to be careful, beg him not to do risky things like go to space in a ship being piloted by a raccoon to kill a titan that killed half the universe, you trusted him. His entire life was rich with risk assessment that only made him more and more successful the more he lived.
So if he wasn't scared, you'd try not to be either.
"Well, maybe that's a lie. Maybe I am a little scared." Steve retracted his statement.
"Well shit" You joked, earning a laugh from the sweet man.
"I'm scared it's not going to work, and I'm scared of putting anything on the line when my only goal for the future is a life with you." He admitted. "Everything else, I'm not scared of."
This time, your arms wrapped him up and didn't let him go. He was letting his Steve Rogers shine through in a place you typically only saw Captain America. Though he would argue that those two people were the same, you thought he was so very wrong.
Steve was still the little guy he once was. Sensitive and gentle, he'd cry over videos of cute animals doing cute things, decorate cookies with you and asked to be cuddled for as long as he could get you to stay still. But Cap... Cap was strong. Nothing could tear him down. When the uniform was on or public and teammates eyes were on him, he had to be the leader. He stood tall, refused to shed a tear regardless of any circumstance thrown his way. Everyone looked at him to guide them through.
You loved both versions of him, and both were truthful of his character, but it was also true that Steve was a version of himself he was only comfortable showing to the people he loved the most.
So you gave Cap the space he needed to be firm and strong, and gave Steve the space he needed to be vulnerable. Sometimes that looked like a little snuggle on a bench outside of the Avengers compound.
Very surface level and as deep down as could be, he knew that Cap couldn't be the fighter he was without you nurturing Steve. He was strong because you were compassionate, and everyday he amounted his power to you.
"I love you so very much," you started.
"But?" He raised an eyebrow, already anticipating the kicker.
"But doing this is exactly what you need in order for you to live the life you want." You explained. "You and I both know you'd live the entire rest of your life with guilt if the Avengers don't find a way to fix this. And though I don't agree that any of this is your fault, I know you feel that burden every single day. So in a certain way, I think for once, this is a great fight for yourself."
He sat and considered it for a second. "I don't have it in me to fight for myself, so I'm going to consider this a fight for you."
"A happy, relaxing future with you is all I want." You kindled his fire. Though you wished he could fight for himself, any incentive to get him through would work in this moment. "And i'd love to see Sam again and meet Bucky."
"I miss them so much" Steve stated, you could hear the sadness in his voice.
You lifted your head to give him a kiss. Your soft lips mingled for a little while before pulling away and resting your forehead against his. "Everything is going to be okay."
"I think so too" He agreed.
"And if it doesn't pan out the way you all hope, then I hope you know that everything will be okay that way too."
"Well that's not an option." He gently shook his head.
"Hard headed!" You pulled away and raised your hand to gently poke him right in the center of his forehead. He laughed, knowing his words would irritate you. "You drive me crazy!"
"I love driving you crazy" His smile prevailed.
"Really? I couldn't tell." You said sarcastically, feeling the effects of his contagious smile.
"And I'd love it even more if I can keep annoying you on our date tonight." He brought up.
"Stevie" Your face softened. "We can reschedule that if you need to, you know I understand."
"No, I definitely don't want to cancel that." He denied firmly. "Not to bring up the past or anything, but the last time I rescheduled a date it didn't turn out too well for me."
"Awwwww" You cooed. "Classic Cap history"
"Yeah, and we're rewriting it because I'm not doing that again" he said with a chuckle.
"I'm more than happy to help you out with that" You agreed, giving his leg a little squeeze. "How's Scott doing? I'm sure this is a lot to process."
"He seems to be doing alright, but that leads me to something Nat and I talked about that I wanted to present to you."
"What's up?"
"It's no secret that you're kind've one of the most amazing and comforting humans alive, and we were supposed to go home in 2 days but..." He took a moment to find the right words. "I'm my best when you're around, and whether you've noticed or not, everyone is happier when you're here. So we were wondering if you could stay a little longer just to kinda help keep spirits up. I know you have the bakery at home but it could be a pretty crucial part in saving half the world."
"I can't imagine I'd have any crucial part in any of that, but I'll stay for you alone." You giggled.
"Obviously I'll bring you home before the time travel happens because it's such unknown territory, I'd want you far away from the compound. But we're going to bring everyone we've got here, including Thor who we heard is going through a rough patch. I think your love would go a far way."
"And cookies" You grinned.
"Cookies would definitely help."
"Can Rocket eat chocolate chips?" You pondered.
"He's a raccoon, not a dog." Steve reminded you.
"That doesn't answer my question." You eyebrow raised. "What about Nebula? Do cyborgs eat food? Ooh! I know Bruce likes chocolate, and Tony likes hazelnut because they had those Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavors so maybe I'll make Nutella cookies so it's the best of both worlds. Do you know what Rhodey likes? I have Nat covered. Thor probably li-"
"Baby, Baby" Steve cut you off with a giggle. "Don't stress yourself out now. You're not here to take care of us, just keep being you"
"This is me." You laughed. "Have you ever seen me not like this?"
"You know what? That's fair." He agreed.
"Ooh! And I bet Nat knows exactly what Clint would want!" You chirped. "...I should call the bakery..."
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Next Part: Crawl Home to You
Tag List: @patzammit @bemysugarbean @buckymydarlingangel @happinessinthebeing @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @differenttyphoonwerewolf @themotherof10 @talesofadragon @spikeluv84 @royalwriteroftheuniverse @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @bitchy-bi-trash @crazyunsexycool @openup-yourmind @selella @kattreffic @benedict-squirtle @magnificentsaladllama @theroyalmanatee @calwitch @avengersinitiative2012 @rogersbarber @daddywattpad4945
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ask-zerotrio · 2 years ago
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Zero Lab Log Entry: Last Log Entry Recorded
[We left once... If... what if...?]
[Only if they forgive us, Sada.]
[I know, but...]
[...]
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Clavell holds Arven gently, waiting patiently for his sobs to subside into sniffles. His still healing torso aches from the position, but he hugs Arven anyway. His boy.
What on earth happened?
Clavell had wished for another life... spent with his loved ones, and gotten it... in the form of a vision, so real and tangible it hurt to remember.
Sada... Turo... had they left the crater with him. Had they raised Arven with him. Had they grown old together.
Instead, Arven grew up with just him as a parent, and Sada and Turo died in the crater, replaced by robotic copies of themselves.
Exhaustion weighs heavily upon Clavell.
What a mess.
What had he done to deserve any of this?
Besides be involved with the two most disastrous and wonderful people to walk Paldea?
Melancholy threatens to drown him then, but Clavell notices the plethora of gifts and get well soon cards by his bedside.
He might have lost Sada and Turo... but Clavell found new treasures to cherish in the end: his precious students and people around him.
People he came to know after leaving Area Zero.
"Arven… how did I get out of the crater?"
"Mom and d- They dragged you out of there. After, hurting you." Arven almost growls.
What.
Suddenly, a knock sounded at the door. Arven peeled himself off Clavell with a snarl, turning to address the door. It seemed as though he already knew who it was.
"Arven-" The new voice starts.
"Didn't I already tell you tin cans NOT to disturb-" "Turo...?" Clavell shifts in attempts to look, only to be rewarded with a sharp pain in his ribs that leaves him gasping for air.
"Clavell!" Three voices yell in alarm, rushing to his bedside to fret over him. Once they figure he's alright, Arven returns to his defensiveness, and the two adults, remorseful.
Somehow, Clavell knew it was neither the Protocol or the AI versions of his once best friends and partners by his side.
It feels strange, for this to be their reunion, the first time in years.
Clavell blinks, confused, baffled, but also oddly relieved.
His laugh is a shaky one, something in between a chuckle and a sob, and comes out as more of a wet and strangled wheeze.
They were a strange family with much left to mend and years of hurts left to sort. Still, Clavell felt dangerous hope bloom and grow...
...because lost treasure, like family, could be found again.
[END]
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A/N: Woooooo. That wraps up this Ask blog's plotline + the blog itself. I had been musing this plot's wrap up for a long while, and to date I think drawn about 100? asks. It was a lot, a blend of comics, animatics, fics, weird ARG junk, which I hope was a fun/interesting means of delivering this story and enjoyable experience!
Admittedly, I did lose steam at the end, out of a mix of burnout + general disinterest in this plot. Regardless, I'm glad I pushed through to wrap it up at least. There are also many parts of the ask blog I'm quite proud of :) If you've got questions or comments remaining about this story, please feel free to send things in!
As for the future of this blog, I'm likely to leave it as is, and return to using my regular art blog @wyrdle + exploring new original/zerotrio-inspired works.
Till then take care and thank you for sticking around for so long!
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chantsdemarins · 1 year ago
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Find Tom: Part 2
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(a little new art too)
The whole "soccer era" Tom was the push I needed to jump back into a Tom fic, although I am by far much more comfortable just sticking with Loki. I hope this isn't cringey. It’s not that great but I feel like it needs to be posted. 😑
⚠️It's mature so no under 18 readers!
❤️It's a love poem with not a lot of plot!
☠️I used some new smutty words
Lastly, I truly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my work! No comment is too small, no reblog is unfelt. I wouldn't do any of this if I didn't have readers. You mean the world to me.
@lovelysizzlingbluebird @mischief2sarawr @five-miles-over @lokischambermaid @lokisgoodgirl @mochie85 @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @kats72 @fictive-sl0th @sailorholly @tbhiddlestan83 @peaches1958 @huntress-artemiss @goblingirlsarah @jennyggggrrr @mjsthrillernp @wolfsmom1 @lady-rose-moon @mygfloki @buttercupcookies-blog @lokixryss @simplyholl @eleniblue @kingtwhiddleston
Thank you-thank you-thank you!
Read Find Tom Part 1
He had stayed an extra week-you had called in to work with hope and a prayer you wouldn’t lose your job.
How could you have known that the remarkable business of bedding a movie star not only included being passionately taken on every mid-modern furnishing capable of withstanding Tom’s athleticism but also came replete with nuanced discussions of such things as little-known facets of British history?
A mere night with this man would have been impossible. His words alone filled the time so completely while his cock took up the rest of the hours left in the day. You needed a lifetime but would have to settle for a week. You also felt like Tom’s spare thoughts were enough to earn him a second Cambridge degree.
You often found yourself pouring strong coffee between glasses of Cab to keep your mind sharp enough to ask intelligent follow-up questions. Which you always did. It was impossible not to notice how his conversational ability effervesced through him, a surging sparkle that galvanized in his eyes, creating a disproportionate lure and the impulse to return the enchanting discourse in kind. Over the course of the week, you had time to observe how many of Tom’s features would appear as backdrops to his emotions.
Like the plane of his nose, its pristine alpine slope, when he was grinding his hips into you. Or how his smile consumed half of his face while his lips found yours.
His eyes were mesmerizing vehicles of his intellect like twin comets streaking the sky. You had to watch them. You couldn’t take your own eyes off them. He saw not only you but what was beyond you, possibly what you would become. He had a witchy sense.
Also, strangely when you least expected it, a pallor of sadness would also occasionally descend between your bodies. A departure from his enthusiastic nature that usually led the way. It was clear something had made a lasting impact on him. Was it another woman? A situation? Strife of the elite? Champagne problems that you could never understand. You wanted to ask him to tell you, but you let the sadness be a silent companion to your passion.
All this revelation was amplified in the vintage quiet of the Sea Ranch cottage you had all to yourselves.
That first night, he took you easily. Perhaps embarrassingly easy. After all, you’d been wet since you saw him from across the crowded room. An uncomfortable distraction while you talked about your lives and listened to the quartet play The Lark Ascending in the main room of the after-party. Something about the tender violin and his deep voice from a place far away. The details. The decorations, wild peach-colored streamers blowing in the ocean wind battering the rafters. A hum in your ears.
The way he leaned in closer when you knew he could hear you. You’d swallow him up if given the chance. Later at his Sea Ranch cottage, what felt like an eternity after so much conversation and ephemera, you were finally a crumpled passionate mess. You remember looking down and seeing him finally enter you, the implications, the spectacle.
You felt your breath leave and never quite return.
Later as dawn coursed through and put the evening to rest, Tom made sure to use the California poppy napkins to tidy you both up but stopped himself short of a full janitorial protocol. There was something a little wicked about his disregard. He liked seeing you wrecked. He liked seeing the lingering elements of the sex you just had, still on you. He didn’t want to make things too neat. You felt exposed but did not want to assemble a wall between you.
The instinct was that of vulnerability. Only sometimes found in casual romance. Only sometimes experienced by you.
By Tuesday, Tom’s effulgent historical discourse had fully found its way into your conversation yet again. You sat on the ocean-facing porch in two aging red deck chairs, a temptation for Tom’s fingers. He easily peeled off their flaking paint and collected it into a neat pile on the property’s 1972 glass Sands Hotel ashtray.
He would continue to move the small pile around with his long finger mixing the chipped paint with the singed tobacco and marijuana wrappings from the day for the hours you talked. Tom would grow quiet only when he rolled his own cigarettes one-handed.
You wondered if he smoked back in London or only when on holiday or business, or as an affront to suffocating California standards of healthy living. The sea wind picked up and moved through his rust-colored hair, salt air conjuring it into full attention.
Apparently, he had forgotten his blow dryer, but now, surprisingly, he seemed besotted with his curls. He ran his hands through them as he resumed your previous conversation.
You tried not to lose your concentration on the details. Tom’s mental ephemera began to have a companion in the details of his being you were collecting in the hallows of your own mind. Topics spun wildly from one to another but often fell back into history and philosophy. You prided yourself in keeping up, even if you had to use the cottage's old ethernet cable and early 2000s PC to look up “ontology.”
"British history is rife with privileged white opportunists, wouldn't you say?" His words were intended for both the relentless waves below and you as he stared off into the inky distance. That was quite the conversation shift. You had both just been talking about Steinerberg, Switzerland. He’d been while filming The Night Manager. He went on.
"Take William Bennett, for example, a complete ass."
"William Bennett?" Repeating his choice of subject often gave you a few vital seconds to collect your thoughts.
"Indeed. He essentially earned his fame from an aquatint print of the New York City fire in 1836. The untold story is that he bought the original sketch from an impoverished Italian artist, Nicolino Calyo. Calyo was there amidst the 700 homes succumbing to flames. Bennett essentially duplicated it, and therefore, as a wealthy, idle British artist, he managed to elude any consequences." You scrunched your nose in a silent response before replying.
"And Calyo?" you finally ventured, already anticipating Tom's reply.
"Naturally, he ended up dead and destitute. The old D and D, if you will.”
You laughed but felt a parallel emerge within you. Your life seemed uncomfortably akin to Nicolino Calyo's. Your mind raced - was Tom, beneath his casual Louis Vuitton button-down, a modern William Bennett? Your thoughts looped back to yesterday's breathy exchange after you’d gone down on him and where you confessed that after a long hiatus, you'd begun painting again. Was he secretly archiving the ideas you'd shared about your nascent series, ready to unearth them during his leisure in Margate - a place allegedly sharing the "spirit and design" of Sea Ranch? While Tom moved your things inside as the chill of the evening overtook you both, your mind was fixated on your previous conversation.
In your carnally vexed state, you'd unveiled your infatuation with the hues of mint green, adobe red, and translucent pink. His curiosity had been particularly piqued by "adobe," which led to a discourse on the disparity between the tangible "true adobe" and the digitized shade we've now associated with the word.
He reflected on his time in New Mexico during the filming of the first Thor movie, where he was first introduced to the color scheme of the American Southwest. It had been a captivating conversation that moved fast. An image of Tom as a reincarnated William Bennett, unveiling his own mint green and adobe masterpiece at a glitzy auction event eight years from now felt lodged in your mind.
Apparently, this emerging anxiety of trusting such a departure from your usual type of lover was hard. None of your other partners would still an idea you had for a painting and make millions from it, but of course, neither would Tom. You were becoming irrational. You poured yourself a new glass of wine, emptying another bottle. Closing your eyes for a moment by yourself while Tom assembled the next part of your evening with his usual intentionality intact, even if he didn’t catch your mood. He tracked even the tiniest details in the short time you’d spent together. You wondered if his sadness had descended, preventing him from noticing.
The next day you made love in the early morning hours, savoring his body. He was deeply asleep his naked luminosity shining against the white of the sheets. Tom still smelled like the rosemary he had picked from the bushes out front. You had watched him in his running shorts and nothing else, springs of rosemary in his hands.
He remarked about how wild rosemary doesn’t grow in England; at least, he didn’t think so. He joked he would take some of it back in his suitcase. He’d smell like California. He’d smell like privileged things like taking an extra week off. At that moment, you had felt his lineage as if a halo surrounded him - an impenetrable force field.
The afternoon found you both in the living room, wrapped in tartan blankets, partaking in an improvised indoor picnic. Tom had run a 10-mile round trip to Jenner's only grocery store. The sight of him returning with baguettes, ham, brie, and more wine bottles settled his existence in your mind as a true enigma. His sweaty, proud smile covered his face completely as held the baguette up to the sky in a triumphant cheer. You ran to him and held him around his middle.
You always loved the way tall skinny guys felt. It was a too-familiar gesture for such a casual situation, you tried to pull back, but he nestled his head into the crook of your shoulder. You closed your eyes and heard only the ambient sound of birds.
The morning of the sixth day, you dressed in his white undershirt and boxer shorts. You both reveled in the amusement of exchanging clothing items to create new outfits each day. The addition of Tom’s packed subtly luxurious clothing gave you both interesting options. His Armani suit jacket with just your black underwear. Tom amusingly in your skirt, paired with his unexpected choice of nude suede Herve ankle boots.
Your scarf and his sleek Ray-Bans. His running shorts were cleverly repurposed as a strapless jumpsuit. In the end, the clothes would always come off. You would be naked. You would have your hands consuming one another in a shocking discovery of hidden pleasure. The responses were the truth.
The thing you both could trust. In his sighs, in the warm breath that haunted your collar bones. In the flush of his cheeks. In the sweat on his forehead or the goosebumps on your arms when his fingertips traced the edges of your body with the precision of an engineer, you held on to the touches, the utterances of euphoria. With every orgasm, you felt the incredible raw honor of being human.
You wanted to slow it down long enough to feel it truly. To feel a king cuming inside you. To feel his cum and his claim while lost in the gravity of his eyes. Those magnificent extensions of his brain were a lifeline. Your bodies became sculptures, black quartz in the hot sun.
By Sunday, the end of your time together had finally found its way to you. He whispered in your ear after pulling out, catching any breath he could. He could only stay until Monday, he had to go back to London. You stared at the slow oscillations of the Casablanca ceiling fan. “I’ll miss this,” your words were an echo of the real words you longed to say.
His eyes closed, lashes casting delicate shadows on his cheeks.
The woman he would one day choose to marry, you thought, God help her. She would undoubtedly be transformed if your brief moments with Tom were any sign. However, for some melancholic reason, you knew it wasn’t going to be you.
You weren’t destined to be the lover who would eventually turn into a wife. He only had room for the ecstasy of passion and intellectual tête-à-têtes. This affair was incomplete, with no clear conclusion in sight. It wasn't a tale like that of William Bennett and his ill-gotten fame through art theft—a story with a beginning, middle, and end.
No, this was something else entirely. Suddenly, as if he was privy to the endless stream of inner thoughts, Tom spoke. "I met you at the right time, y/n," he said, his piercing blue eyes now open.
He jumped out of bed and casually dressed, slipping on a single item of clothing or, more accurately, an accessory — his Gucci belt wrapped sideways around his bare body. It was difficult to concentrate as he strolled past the expansive windows of the cottage. His muscles and his semi-hard cock were the only things holding that thing in place. Your cheeks grew hot. Tom followed up his emotional revelation with a more practical question.
"Shall I make us eggs on this, our final morning together?”
Without waiting for your response, he ventured into the kitchen, energetically rummaging through the cabinets in search of pepper before swinging open the refrigerator.
As he busily prepared breakfast, his underlying sadness was emerging, defying the rational part of his mind that wished it weren't there. Balancing a glass bowl against his stomach, he swiftly began whisking eggs, his intense gaze fixed upon you. This prompted you to inquire once more, "Why is this the right time, Tom?"
He continued whisking the eggs as he replied, "You found me, truly. Sometimes, we serve that purpose for others, akin to amateur archaeologists. Returning to London, I will be more whole, not less."
You found yourself fidgeting with the hem of Tom's t-shirt you were now wearing.
"You desired this life you have didn't you? You wanted fame?"
"I don't know, y/n. I wanted to do what I loved," Tom confessed, pouring the frothy mixture into the heated pan.
"I doubt it’s that simple, I'm sure you've had to make difficult decisions to reach the top."
"Like parting ways with a beautiful woman I met while on an extended work trip?"
"Yes, exactly like that,” you struggled to say.
"It happens all the time, love, all the time. Regret is my middle name. Thomas Regret Hiddleston."
With that sentence, he refocused his attention on cooking, his hands and mind engaged in a synchronized activity not unlike sex, serving a similar yet less emotional purpose.
You discovered a tablecloth tucked away in the back of a cabinet and spread it over the aged blonde table. Professionally, he placed the plates of food before you.
"Quite the last supper we have here," you remarked, attempting a joke to mask your emerging underlying sadness, though failing in your intended delivery.
Your gaze fell to the floor, unable to meet the sunlight streaming through the windows or Tom's eyes. He continued in his relational eulogy, "Its breakfast, y/n, and many more will come. Someday, you'll have a partner, and I'll have someone too. We'll be enjoying meals with them, and something will trigger a memory. Perhaps we'll be by the sea on vacation, and you'll remember me, and I'll remember you."
So he was thinking similar thoughts as you. He did not feel he met his future wife at a Bay Area film festival after-party. It was a long shot at best. You nervously tried to continue talking.
"Of course, not simultaneously. How could we possibly know if we remember each other at the same time?"
"We will never know, y/n. We will only remember each other out-of-sync for the rest of our lives."
With that bittersweet but strangely truthful statement, he reached across the table and gently took your hand and kissed it. You wouldn’t watch him leave late that night. You skipped the coffee after the wine, and poured yourself another, watching the moon reflect off the darkness of the glass.
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maxbeta360 · 4 months ago
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Personal masterpost / 2nd intro
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Max,Chief,Master Chief,Spartan He/Him | fictionkin/fictive & general machine alterhuman
I’m a boiling hot mess when it comes to alterhuman labels. I really can’t put my identity into words but I’m going to try here
As you might’ve picked up already, I am Master Chief but I am also an Xbox360, Or atleast somehow connected to one…? It feels like my brain is running as an Xbox engine but my body is the body I have in source/canon
This ‘Xbox self’ only stores really dated games from between 2001-2014. I have other games but the most prominent ones are Minecraft Beta and Halo 1 - 5. The only exception of time after 2014 that still affects my identity is Halo Infinite for some reason. I have lots memories from that source and I’m not sure why
Old Microsoft game marketing is a huge visual representation of my identity. The oversaturated green, the hit or miss edginess of gaming stores at the time, and just the general nostalgia of it all is me in a way. I also really like old YouTube and old Tumblr because it just reminds me of the time where I belonged :]
So basically I am like a time capsule of early gaming and the early internet XD (I will never say XD again I am so sorry)
I also really love the “eerie” liminal space of Minecraft Beta :] It kind of became a safe haven for me. I love the empty atmosphere that only the old games had
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I’m a binary trans man btw. I am not transmasc. The term doesn’t match my experience but I have nothing against it
I’m hetroflexable but I usually just say I’m straight to simplify it
I’m nonspeaking in my cannon and when I front but I have no issue typing or writing my words
Age is a weird thing for me. The body is around young adult age but I’m like 9 or something? But not in a human way. More like a 9 year old game disc that is still going strong
I’m part of a system btw. I feel like that’s important to share. Uhh both me and the main guy (host) don’t really talk about it because we know it’s confusing to other people and the last thing we would want is to confuse people. Plus we’re both figuring it all out for ourselves
You’ve probably seen the main guy before if you’re on fictionkin & nonhuman tumblr. He interacts with a lot of my post and I do the same so you’ll see him around on my blog
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DNI / BYI
DNI if you are; H0mophobic, Transph0bic, T3erf, R@dqueer, pr0ship, anything of the sort
Hard DNI if you support ai generated content. Also if I accidentally reblog ‘art’ that’s ai generated, please tell me. I often miss the signs
BYI Info that’s a little less harsh
I try my best to add alt text to my posts with images in them but don’t expect it in every post
I am not a fan of the Halo TV Series and I am not a fan of depictions of me without my helmet on so If you are a mutual and you reblog something like that (which is fine) I would really appreciate it if you used the #max don’t look hashtag? Because I have that tag blocked :]
And that’s about it. Thanks for sticking to the end or scrolling to the bottom at least
Image credit | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
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“and the universe said I love you because you are love.”
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oribu-the-loser · 10 months ago
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Hey hey heyyy!!! Ik this blog is mostly for art but.... wanted to dump my thoughts somewhere so here's some slight analysis on Rui Yashios new 5 star card & the flowers on her violin!!!!!
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Firstly: I'm no flower expert so my identification isn't very good hence my uncertainty on the last flower
Apologies in advance if I mess anything up <3
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First flower: I'm like 90% sure this is a yellow rose!!!
In west culture this particular rose colour is known for representing friendship, which fits very well with morfonicas close bond! It's been stated in stories multiple times that whether Rui realises it or not: she's become fond of the band & the members within
From what I could find this meaning essentially stays the same in Japan, with the sometimes added meaning of inner courage which again fits very well with morfonicas general theme :)
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Second flower: Okay now I'm not 100% sure what this one is so I have 2 ideas
(1) It could be a daffodil: this flower typically represents new beginnings & hope! Of course change & new beginnings is a heavy theme in morfonica, Rui having an abundance of these flowers on her violin makes perfect sense: she's looking forward to the future of where the band will lead her & the hope aspect fits the whole band as a whole!!!!
(2) It could be a daylily: tbh I couldn't find much of what this flower could represent but generally it's a positive symbol & can also sometimes represent new beginnings!!! However I also found something else interesting: it can represent thankfulness & gratitude. I think this is very interesting be I can go two ways either the thankfulness is ruis subconscious view to the rest of morfonica for guiding her down a different path orrr the thankfulness is moronica towards rui for her support & sticking with the band
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Of course if I actually knew the band story I could probably try & make more specific connections but I suppose l'lI have to wait for that 💔
In summary: Rui is such an interesting specimen & I love her so much l'm willing to analyse flowers for her 🫡
If you read this far I hope you enjoyed my crazy ramblings!!! Feel free to add anything on or correct me
Might analyse some other Rui cards or other cards from this set if I'm feeling insane enough...
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milomilesmib · 1 year ago
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Figured I should just make a post about my blog so I'm not just,,, this unknown entity. This is gonna be a bit of a mess but stick with me.
First of all- introduction. My name is Milo and my pronouns are he/him. I'm an INFP-T, according to the test, but I feel like I'm more ISFP :/. I'm also a Leo. I'm trans, queer, and arospec, currently in a relationship. I am diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety and diagnosed with and treated for PTSD (thanks EMDR!). I'm also iron deficient and often dehydrated from forgetting to drink water lmao. I'm a hellenist dedicated to a few deities, primarily showing my dedication by carrying around gemstones they like, prayers, and assorted offerings.
I'm happy to talk about my sexuality/gender. I am happy to talk about light personal topics. I am happy to talk about my mental disorders. I am happy to talk about my religion. As long as you're being respectful, you're welcome here.
This blog is a safe space for:
The 2SLGBTQIA+ community
Anyone with any mental, neurological, or physical disabilities or other struggles of that sort
The BIPOC community
Anyone who has been abused or assaulted in any way or has any sort of trauma
People who are suffering from or recovering from any kind of addictions, whether that's drugs or self harm or alcohol or sex anything else
People of all shapes and sizes
People who are recovering from bad habits/harmful views
Everyone of every gender, sexuality, religion, ability, race, sex, etc. who wants to hang out and talk about their interests or hobbies or anything!
This blog is NOT a space for:
Homophobia, queerphobia, transphobia, aphobia, ableism, sexism, racism, fatphobia or any kind of discrimination whatsoever!
Bigotry and hate in general I guess?
Zoophiles, pedophiles, rapists, abusers (unless you recognise it's wrong AND are actively trying to be better)
Overly political topics (some are okay but over all I'm trying to avoid anything too political on this blog) (if you saw me reblog something, it's probably fine to talk about it)
Also, I don't have a DNI list! You curate your own experience, I will just ask that you're civil and respectful while you're here.
This is supposed to be a fun and safe space and I intend on it being so. If you have any concerns, drop me an ask, anonymous or not, and I'll answer to the best of my ability.
I should also mention that I don't censor things. I put trigger warnings when I remember to, but I see no point in censoring things when the words hold the same meaning either way. It's just like saying "despair" instead of "misery."
Now for ✨the fun stuff✨
In this blog, I mainly talk about whatever little subject is eating at my brain. Usually this is:
The Owl House
Stardew Valley
Game of Thrones (I'm only half way through the first book 😭)
Good Omens
The Song of Achilles
Greek Mythology
Percy Jackson
Queer shit
But I have other interests!
MBTI
Art
My OCs ❤️✨
Theatre
Writing
Hades (Supergiant)
Magnus Chase
Music
Frogs!
Creatures and critters!!!
Candles and cute decor things
Sewing (I'm just like Hunter fr)
Stims!
Probably more that I'm forgetting!
If you have an interest you wanna talk about, leave an ask or send me a message, and I'll happily listen to you talk about it (as long as it's not on the above list of things that aren't for this blog and if you're not sure if it is, ask politely and I'll tell you whether or not I'm comfortable talking about it) and please, be respectful! We're strangers on the internet, I don't want to feel like I'm being interrogated when I talk to you!
If you ever wanna listen to me ramble about any of the above interests you will be my best friend forever and I will always love you because my infodumping ass likes being listened to or even just heard.
I ship:
Huntlow
Patrochilles
Aziracrow
Fierrochase
Solangelo
Sebastian x Sam (idk their ship name)
Valgrace
Lumity
My OCs ✨ (I'm not elaborating)
Blitzstone
Fizzmodeus
I'm obsessed with the following characters (platonically/aesthetically/familially/sometimes romantically);
ELLIOTT MY DARLING MY HUSBAND MY LOVE
HUNTER NOCEDA DAEMONNE WITTEBANE CLAWTHORNE WHISPERS BLIGHT PARK RAHHHHH
Jon Snow, the biggest fucking wet cat in the known world
M. RASMODEUS I AM GNAWING AT THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE
Leo Valdez 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Nico di Angelo ❤️
Alastor (not as much anymore but I had a phase where I adored him)
Lityerses (I too break down in tears when shown basic human kindness)
The Collector ✨
MY OCS ✨❤️
Aziraphale
Beelzebub
Aaaaand we're pretty much done! Sorry a lot of this was just "NO BEING MEAN" but I just wanted to get it out there.
Hope y'all have fun here, and thank you to everyone for being so amazing and kind thus far!
I'll probably edit this over time but this is a good start. Thank you to anyone who read the whole thing or even just some of this, it means a lot. Welcome to my TOH/PJO/Stardew Valley/queer/shitpost blog ❤️
Last edited: 9:02 Pacific time. Basic edits (but they were all pretty important)
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termonitu · 2 years ago
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/COMMISSIONS OPEN/
Hi Welcome to my blog! I draw loads of fanart and some original things
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Redbubble / Ko-fi / Instagram
A couple quick things
If you do decide to stick around feel free to send me an ask, whether it's a question, recommendations, or just thoughts, I appreciate it.
Now I'm still really new to this site so if I mess up on things like tags just let me know and I'll go fix them quietly.
Speaking of tags, everything I've made falls under the (my art) tag if you wanted to take a quick look.
ps- I see all the tags and comments you leave and they genuinely make my day, so thank you. 🌟
(This will be added to/edited as time goes on)
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dailydoofypokemon · 1 year ago
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JOHTO COMPLETE.
Howdy! Just posting here that hey I’ve completed another Pokédex! Hecking wild, right?
So I did get an ask a while back and sorry I ain’t responding until now, I try to keep this blog consistent with what’s posted except for the one or two occasional milestone posts.
But I do plan on eventually going through and drawing every version once I’ve caught up. So that’d be Mega evolutions, regional versions, the whole Unown Alphabet (which I’m curious if I can turn that into a whole font which if I do that, you can bet I’ll share a link for that, lol) I plan on doing this for a few years or so so it’ll be fun for to see how this all got started and where it’s going.
This is a fun project, and it keeps me drawing and lets me pause for a bit every day to just have fun, sometimes work a little to load the queue, and make some prints, but it’s been a great time all around.
I plan on turning these into a poster at some point (shoutout to the dude at UwU-con that suggested that, I was thinking a book, but that would be so much money omfg).
And uhhhh, I guess also if you want to check out some of the other stuff I make, you can find me @tchotchkedlc! I’m mostly active around October as I do another art challenge around that time, but sometimes I’ll post other things. There’s not a lot of Pokemon stuff there, but idk, if you wanna see what else I can do, it’s not always this doofy.
Anyway, thanks for sticking around! Hoenn start tomorrow! (By this point I’ll probably be around 30 or so in, woo hoo!)
Also, hope y’all didn’t mind, my queue got a little messed up a few days ago, I missed one and it moved some around, whoops
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ask-ikepriemma · 5 months ago
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Hiii admin!
I'm thoroughly enjoying the banter and the cosplay and the sinful Sundays 😳😳 and I have a little constructive criticism for tags.
As much as am LOVING all your asks and answers, I'm worried for people who will be new to the fandom or who aren't interested in asks (or if these blogs ever decline in popularity) that we are leaving quite the legacy in the regular tags related to these characters.
It might be best to use one or two tags for asks and let the tags related to the character and general ikepri tags be left out so that it's easier to hunt down fanfics and art and event recaps etc for people later.
OOC :
That’s a valid concern, I’ve actually been thinking about organizing my tags cuz imma be honest, it’s a bit of a mess 😭
So I’ll be fixing that soon, but thank you for letting me know~ Hope you keep sticking around :3
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halfusek · 2 years ago
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Imma be honest with you, before BATDR came out, you literally held this fandom together with bandaids and stick glue. 2019-2022 was basically the dry age of Bendy content
haha thanks i tried my best
i Do enjoy being in a fandom, i've always looked up to the danny phantom phandom a lot cause the vibes there are just fantastic, there's a lot of things going on, people have many interactions with each other, so i wanted to try to introduce that to the batim fandom and i'd like to think that i sorta did
i know that it is a popular opinion to not engage with a large portion of the fandom but instead just grab a few friends and sit in a corner with them but like
engaging with a bigger portion of the fandom every now and then can be SO fun and give people an opportunity to meet other people and idk
fandoms are communities of people just united by liking A Thing so it can be challenging to make a space for many people to get along but i dont recall any super serious only fandom related dramas in batim?? weirdos are in every fandom and you just blast their asses into oblivion with a block button
and there have been cases when i felt kinda bad for blocking someone because that meant i'd exclude them from something i wanted to think of as a fandom-wide event for everyone who would obey it's rules but that's where this outlook on curating your experience into a smaller circle is very much the way to go lol
wait what am i talking about
aha yea 2019-2022 everything fucking DIED here but i was having a blast drawing my comic and also a lot of people who were into the sides of batim i was into mainly (the human characters) stayed around more than everyone else and it was really chill, i've met a lot of people and made many friendships :)
as the fandom was getting smaller there was a noticable drop in the amount of notes batim related posts were getting which is a very big symptom of a fandom dying but i think at some point it sorta stabilized who stayed there after batdr was delayed and delayed
i reblog and tag more than an usual tumblr user (when im active cuz sometimes i can not reblog anything for months because im busy lol) and that didnt start without a reason, it sure is a habit now and i really enjoy doing it, letting people know what i think about their stuff and putting nice things on display for others to see
reblogs are not just crucial for singular artists but also for fandoms as a whole, thats how you keep that train rollin
though here is a sad thing that many many artists dont reblog a lot, or reblog to their sideblogs that arent followed by nearly as many people as their main blogs
and thats like understandable, im the weirdo who puts a whole mess of many posts on my main but i think thats also the most effective way to help other people get traction and i never see this mentioned when people complain that tumblr users dont reblog as much stuff as they like
its even kinda funny to me when people complain about their stuff not getting reblogged when they dont reblog others stuff themselves at all xD though there is a bit of cyanide in that thought heheh
on the other hand reblogging doesnt work on stuff that i could see from other people: the stuff i reblog i get from browsing the bendy and the ink machine tag sorted by new + sometimes when i bored i scroll through my dash and reblog some random things but i follow 2k people so i dont really see any individuals art specifically, just a collection of random posts that i am able to scroll through in a few minutes (and every minute theres a bunch of new posts posted/reblogged by those i follow)
and that can take a long time! if ive been busy for months then scrolling through a few months worth of stuff people around the world made for bendy is so bad even on a beefy computer that it just pushes tumblr to its limits and takes HOURS to reblog and tag for me, and then i might even hit the daily post limit and have to continue tomorrow
but i enjoy doing this, bendy is my fixation after all and i fucking love art and what people can create for this thing that i like i soooooo desire to see it all
and i try to reblog as much as possible, though i dont obviously reblog *everything* from the tag, sometimes i just give a like or i just dont like the thing cuz its not in my liking and thats it
but i did make it a thing that during ink demonth i reblog all entries for the event no matter what my opinion of them is just to give some of that Exposure TM because hey maybe some of my followers Will like it
i dont run a super duper popular blog but there is a bunch of yall there and i think me reblogging something in this fandom at least may give a litol boost to the notes on a post
and its always fun to see peoples reactions that dont expect me to reblog from them but then i do and they freak out a little, i think i love it on the same level as getting comments on my own art :) its super wholesome
man by writing this post im procrastinating on something but fdnjkfdfd
but anyway thank you!! and im glad you think so because i did try to accomplish that :D
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askfallenroyalty · 2 years ago
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Heya! I'm new here and kinda confused sry 👉👈
I've been reading AFR on the site but now I see that you are already on the epilogue of the story on Tumblr :0
Is the story being remade or are you just posting slowly the story on the site?
(not trying to rush u or anything, just curious)
(also)
(your work is amazing and made me shed actual tears thanks you)
Heya! Thanks for reading, sorry it's confusing!
Basically- this blog is like 5 years old. I didn't take it seriously until the Continue Arc and so there's chunks of the story that are just... not there.
But the tumblr version itself is ending Saturday. I've completed the last half of the epilogue (posting it during an art stream tomorrow) but I'll give you guys a chance to send in asks for that stream. It'll be fun :D
So I've been making a Redraw to both fill in the gaps as well as improve the story (as an askblog, a lot was ablibbed on the spot)
I prefer people read the webtoons version and then come over to the tumblr to read from the Continue Arc onwards. If there's one thing I regret the most is making it hard to get into this mess of a comic. But with time this issue will be fully fixed.
...I'm at work so I can't give out links but there's a pinned post that has links. Hope you enjoy what's here and stick around for a fully complete story someday ^_^
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prettyboykatsuki · 6 months ago
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ohhHh hi it is specialgradefckr from the other day! asking on anon because my main blog is in a completely unrelated fandom that i've totally lost the love for lmao.
honestly it was such a mood seeing your reaction bc YES. it was weird!! it was DIFFERENT! it was Some Kinda Mood going on in that fic!!!
sometimes you just. get a neat little idea. a little corner with all these nooks and crannies to mess around in. you light up and you just GO. and what comes out of it seems kinda weird, definitely not what you'd normally write but GUESS WHAT!!
this world has a place for funny little fics! weird stuff!! what is the POINT of being a writer if you are not making your dolls take off their clothes and smash after a suicide attempt and discussions of sexual slavery???
i actually came across your work wayyyy back when i first got into jjk. i read "How To Be A Dog" and i still don't know what to say about it.
the best way to describe my feelings towards that fic is that it's like i got there late to the party. there's some meat left on the bones i haven't eaten. i don't think i've gotten everything out of it.
for example, i had to re-read some sections over again to fully parse what was going on with the reader's curse (i think it was a snake and i am saying that from memory, scout's honor). and the fic spends a lot of time in gojo's POV, which I very much enjoyed!
but most fanfics, especially reader-inserts, stick to the reader POV and are written to be much more immediately digestible than other forms of fiction. you know the characters, you know the setting, let's get to the MEAT of it.
but your fic was like, the type where you really need to Pay Attention to each and every line, because each line does contribute something distinct to the characters or tone. it was so DENSE and i was NOT prepared to run into that while cheerfully looking for noncon gojo/reader porn skjfhglhdsg.
it's rare to find a fic that goes that hard. like if you want your fic to be That Deep you gotta commit to it, you know? and you don't have to do that for a fic to be good or enjoyable, you just do it For The Art, because you see what the fic could be and you want it to be that way. kudos to you.
it was an amazing work of fiction. maybe one day i will have the attention span to read the whole thing and actually feel like i'm understanding everything and the fic will stop haunting me whenever i think about it
anyways apologies for rambling in your inbox, i do hope you don't think i'm too weird lmao i just really like writing and fics. thank you for sharing yours <3
SDFKJSDJKFSDKJ i agree!!
i think like. i love the genre of absurd stuff so much in my media consumption but ive always had a hard time finding space for it in fanfiction. so writing that gojo dark comedy fic was an attempt to make some room for it and try my hand out and it ended up being a person favorite piece despite how insane it is
so i was really happy hearing other people enjoyed it and were rececptive to it bc really whats the point if you can't go and write something completely insane just for shits and giggles you know. sometimes u get a neat little idea and u just gotta go ham on it i agree
ALSO AAAAA !! A HTBAD READER IN THE WILD.... htbad is like. genuinely my magnum opus at least to me. its one of those things where i dont think im ever going to fully recover from it so when people tell me they've read it i automatically feel super emotional.
it is . super high praise to hear that you feel like you get something from it every time you read the fic. im not much of a planner but i really did pour my soul into each and every line of that thing so it means the world that it comes through!!
CHEERFULLY LOOKING FOR GOJO NONCON JHHDSJFKSD WELL YES ... i understand though i think that fic tends to jumpscare ppl in a similar way all the time since its extremely heavy tonally. it was definitely a fic i wrote For The Art if nothing else and definitely a fic i incidentally poured a lot into it. it genuinely always means the world to me to hear good things about it and im so so so elated to hear you talk so highly about it.
THANK YOU FOR READING. AND FOR LEAVING ME SUCH A KIND MESSAGE. i was basically dead on my feet last night trying to do anything but i was extremely happy seeinf this before bed. i hope today is kind to u
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topazthecat · 1 year ago
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John Lennon is a great example of how we are not naturally fixed to be a certain way as females  or males, he went from being a psychologically messed up drunk very young guy who hit his girl friends (not wives though, Cynthia Lennon said he only hit her twice before​ they were married) and got into fist fights with men. But he changed 180% into a pro-feminist,and then also a nurutring house husband and father in just a few short years.
Here is my Blog, John Lennon Became A Feminist & Nurturing House Husband & Father Thanks To His Relationship With Yoko Ono
These are the linked pro-feminist interviews with John through the years  that I posted on my blog
In this January 1971 interview with Red Mole John says that Yoko was well into liberation before he met her and that she had to fight her way through a man's world and he said the art world is completely dominated by men and said so Yoko was full of revolutionary zeal when they met.
Then John said there was never any question about it that they had to have a 50-50 relationship or there was no relationship and he said he was quick to learn and he said that Yoko did an article in Nova more than two years back in which she said Woman is the Ni**er of the world.A year later he co-wrote with Yoko the song Woman Is The N*gger of The World,and bravely performed it live on The Dick Cavett show and at Madison Square Garden in 1972 and the song was banned off a lot of radio stations.
John also says in this same interview that it's very subtle how you're taught male superiority.
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This is a great interview with John Lennon and Yoko Ono at The St.Regis Hotel in September 1971. And Yoko was asked if she knew about what really went on during The Beatles tours,and she says she had thought that he's an artist I'm sure he has had a few affairs, and she said she was really shocked and she said Oh God! when John told her the whole story about what he called all of the raving that went on their tours,Yoko said she had never heard the word groupie before.And Yoko was no innocent either,John was her third husband,she had a daughter with her second husband,and she had quite a few affairs and even abortions in the 1960's.
He also said in this interview that he treated Yoko the same as other men, he found himself being a chauvinist pig with her,then I started thinking,well if I said that to Paul or asked Paul to do that or George or Ringo they'd tell me to f**k off and then you realize you have this attitude toward women that is just insane! Then John said it's beyond belief the way we're brought up to think of women.
 He said much the same things minus the F word when he and Yoko were co-hosting the Mike Douglas show in January 1972 after Mike Douglas asked Yoko if John's attitude towards her had changed because of the women's movement ,and at first Yoko who was always a feminist who rejected sexist gender roles and gender stereotypes, said John's attitude was the same as when they first met but John was honest enough to say,No I was a chauvinist, I was chauvinist,then he said to Yoko can I just say what you taught me? John then said in this September 1971 interview,And I had to keep saying,well would I tell a guy to do that?
Would I say that to a guy? Would a guy take that? He then said,Then I started to get nervous, I thought, f**k I better treat her right or she's going to go, no friend's going to stick around for this treatment. John also said,It took me a long time to get used to it,any woman I could shout down,most of my arguments used to be a question of who could shout the loudest. Normally I could win whether I was right or wrong,especially if the argument was with a woman,they'd just give in but she didn't.She'd go on,and on, and on until I understood it,then I had to treat her with respect.
 Yoko Ono and John Lennon June 1973 radio interview about how feminism has changed John for the better,he says he learned how to cook,& that most men don't do it, and how most women are brought up not to know how to work tape recorders or fix their bikes,most men are brought up not knowing how to cook or  take care of themselves.
The interviewer Danny Schechter asked John if besides sharing work,if John had been going through his own changes about his own role,about his relationship to Yoko,to other women,and to other men,and John said,it's completely changed it's been a process of about 4 or 5 years,John said it was like having 1 eye shut  and that once you start acknowledging that women are oppressed slaves you can never go back .
John was the only man to attend the first international feminist conference when this interview took place. Two years later when  he and Yoko's son Sean was born John became a house husband,changed Sean's diapers,cooked and Yoko worked in their business office.
https://archive.is/hVghp
Great chapter from a 2016 book,Concerning Consequences:Studies In art,Destruction And Trauma by Kristine Stiles discusses how John Lennon became a feminist because of Yoko Ono and how he changed the way he was socially conditioned into gender definitions and they both went against gender roles and stereotypes and he doesn't really get credit for this,and Yoko doesn't get credit in John's feminism and liberation.
Yoko Ono also said in a 1986 interview where she's quoted in this book, John wasn't really macho he was a sweet sensitive person but he had been conditioned by society and she said he was a real feminist and he read a lot of books about it.
In Part 3 Of John Lennon's Last Radio Interview just hours before he was tragically killed by the crazy horrible fan who had been a big Beatles fan since he was 11 and John had been his favorite Beatle,and he shot  John 5 times right in front of Yoko,and just hours after John was nice enough to take the time to autograph a copy of his new album,and years later he said he met and shook hands with John's then 5 year old son Sean just two days before he killed John and he said he was the cutest little boy he ever saw and that it never occurred to him that he would never see his father ever again.
 DECEMBER 8,1980,
He Said That He's more Of a Feminist now than When he sang woman is the N***er Of The World,that he was intellectually a feminist then but now he's at least put his body where his mouth was and really try to live up to his own preaching. He was referring to the fact that he and Yoko reversed gender roles and he became a nurturing house husband and father to Yoko and their son Sean for the first 5 years of Sean's life until he died.
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Barbara Graystark of Newsweek interviewed John September 1980 and part of what she said to John is,You've come a long way from the man who wrote at 23,''Women should be obscene rather than heard.'' And she asks John how did this happen? And John said that he was a working-class macho guy who was used to being served and Yoko didn't buy that.
John then said that from the day he met Yoko,she demanded equal time,equal space,equal rights.He said that he said to Yoko then,don't expect him to change in any way and don't impinge on his space.
John said that Yoko said to him then she can't be here because there's no space where you are everything revolves around him and that she can't breath in that atmosphere. John then says in this interview that he's thankful to her for the ( meaning feminist) education.
This is a great Article,In Defense Of John Lennon And Yoko Ono's Woman Is The Ni**er Of The World By Joe Raiola He so rightly says that John Lennon made an unlikely remarkable journey evolving from a misogynist, to a feminist, to a house husband.
And Joe also so rightly said that John actually modeled the journey that countless American men need to make.   John and Yoko weren't opposites at all, they were actually a lot alike and that's why they had such a great relationship.
John said on the Mike Douglas show when he and Yoko co-hosted it for a week in January-February 1972,that he and Yoko's minds and ideas were so similar,and that they were very similar in their heads,and he said it was incredible that they were so much alike even though they had very different upbringings and environments.
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