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makoredeyes · 1 month ago

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Hello, I saw your response to my previous ask and it’s given me the encouragement I need to step out of my comfort shell.

So, like I said I absolutely love your characterization of Lord Timur and after reading every chapter of your various works, an interesting thought occurred to me.

Timur has a clear obsession with exos, and I can’t help but think that he would have a field day at exo science on Europa.

However, given what we know about the various experiments Clovis conducted in the pursuit of exo bodies how would Timur react upon learning about how exos were created (specifically clarity) and just how many atrocities were committed as a result.

cuss coming from someone who has read all the lore entires about the Deep stone crypt some of those logs sound like something straight out of a sci fi horror movie (billboarding being a particularly scary thought) and I’m convinced that if Destiny were angled towards a more mature audience those entires could have gone even darker (I don’t even want to mention the dead exo dialogue)

and while Timur may have an enthusiasm for the pursuit of science and discovery I like to think that even he has a line he will not cross.

also how would Felwinter react to all that (I’d imagine he’d want to put a few bullets thought the giant Clovis head)

HELLO AND WELCOME BACK! <3

And OOOUUGH Go and poke all my favorite topics at once why don'tcha! Battleship SUNK <3 Oh gawd you're getting such a rambling infodump here I should probably apologize but surely you knew what you were doing ahahaha... I'm still a little sorry heeh.

Rambling below the break, for the sake of everyone's sanity!

OK OK OK so First of all yeah holy shit ALL the stuff surrounding the Bray Family, but especially centering on Clovis (the Bray Family Bullshit as I like to call it) is all SUPER dark and yeah man going into Clovis' personal logbook and some of the Exo experiments, and even Willa's experiments with what was, or would become ('scuse my brain fog) SIVA are all shady AF. Even Ana and her big precious couldn't do a thing in the world wrong baby Warmind isn't immune and she's fucking adopted (EDIT: I’ve been informed she was only TOLD she was adopted , check zalia in the comments!) but it rubbed off on her just a little anyway imo. But BRAYTECH as a company was a massive conglomerate with government and military backing, and while yeah, the company's most questionable developments were hidden behind brighter veneers or on remote celestial bodies (coughEruopaCough) OR (REDACTED for Vespers Host spoilers), more or less there was kind of a universal Do What I Want and Get Away With It card. And they USED it. Not just with the exos, but that's particularly noteworthy because yeah, Clovis was freaking corrupted and led by the Witness via "Clarity". He was a self-centered arrogant prick all along but it led him right into megalomania to the point of assuming he could ascend to godhood. Freaking spectacular. But TIMUR. Well we don't know a whole lot about him for SURE but I would posit that he wasn't so much obsessed with Exos specifically as he was with Golden Age tech, Clovis (or more specifically his *Legacy*) and knowledge for the sake of knowledge. (You know, that obnoxious Warlock Trope Bungie loves so much) We have a handful of pretty intriguing quotes attributed to Timur regarding his perspective on the pursuit and use of knowledge as a weapon. His student Colovance eventually laments that Timur has gone mad with obsession (specifically over SIVA/Bray Co.)*** He also might have had a perfectly healthy fixation on Felwinter because the dude must have been able to smell this stuff. (no I'm not taking that exact analogy used in one of the weblores seriously but I mean, if the shoe fits) I'd infer that he sensed something was different about Felwinter, but he knew for sure that Felwinter KNEW THINGS that he did not and it drove him batty. The other thing he was, that we know for sure thanks to a idle line from Saladin, was a weapons smith. And it's inferred that he takes a disturbing amount of glee from it.

And of course he's got the mind-control thing, which if you're unfamiliar with D1 and that relic of his- the effect/ability that was attributed to was called Timur's Demons. Check out the imagery on the Memory of Timur item sometime if you haven't seen it, because wao. It's um. It's something.

Which leads me to some HEADCANONS

Zalia sold me on this but damnit she's right and I accepted it as gospel pretty much immediately: That mind control shit ain't the kind of voodoo that comes from the Traveler's wheelhouse. It's Darkness that touches on stuff like thought and memory and self-control. Was he doing that on purpose? Probably not or he'd have been violently ostracized from well. everything. Since darkness stuff and it's users were NOT Kosher until very recently in Destiny's history. Buuut....this might have given Timur a more open-minded perspective as well. Symmetrists were always a thing. Regardless of that specifically, I DO like to picture Timur as actually quite morally gray. I haven't had the chance to show it so much yet in my writing, especially because that sweet sunshine disposition is sooooo much fun, but that's only half the picture. The way I see it for him as there are his Family/Loved ones, and there are Objects. You are either with him or you are a target to test-fire his latest invention on. (ahaha oh I finally got booted into Orbit from the Tower while sitting here typing all of this up lololol) He's a black sheep with the other Iron Lords (perhaps a surrendered Warlord even) and probably the cause of a LOT of the hard moral creeds that have been written into their code. It's part of what makes Felwinter, as another lone ranger so to speak, so appealing to him, perhaps.

There's also a pretty stout handful of us that have clustered up on the belief that Timur WAS from Braytech, and very highly placed within the organization, probably working closer with Clovis than anyone would really care to be. (Why do we believe this? Because it's fun lol)

So me? I like to think he was actually involved in all of that, probably directly. I'm sure there was a whole lot about it he didn't like (we see that with most of the scientists with Braytech) but was it enough to outweigh the discovery? The innovations? Did it outweigh the price of his education? Or perhaps he did want out but couldn't break free. I would not for a second mistake him for a FRIEND of Clovis either way, and I especially enjoy picturing a situation where he encounters Clovis in his new life as a Lightbearer after pursuing that Legacy for so long, only to discover terrible truth about the man behind the curtain. I think he would keep the progress and the (somewhat imaginary) gilded perfection of the Golden Age, but reject Clovis himself entirely.

I think after living through the Dark Age he'd have a higher reverence for human life also, but any outrage he has to anything he learns is probably going to be more personal and self-centered ("I can't believe I idolized that creep!!") than taking into immediate consideration the lives that were lost or damaged in those experiments.

Felwinter would shoot Clovis dead on the spot without asking a single question after so much as 5 minutes with Elsie.

I don't think he'd be too personally troubled by how the Exominds are created because frankly, he isn't one. There is a very good chance that his body was not exposed to radiolaria or Clarity the way the human-bound frames were, because that process was done entirely in order to stave off billboarding from DER, which was never a risk for him. His frame was probably manufactured and immediately requisitioned by Rasputin for his own purposes, and he definitely knows enough about his origins that if he learned about this process he'd be able to put two and two together. BUT the moral issue of everything else that went on, with uncooperative, or transitionally difficult Exos were getting simply wiped into compliance WOULD rankle him, and he would deal out justice accordingly in his usual fashion.

*** as an aside: I am reading Lord Colvance's missive from the Ghost Fragment: The Dark Age 3 grimoire card and... Was? He? Left? Behind??? During the incursion on Site 6??? It sounds like they left him behind! Is he alive??????? Fellow Lorewhores can someone check on this and knock some sense into me??? ****also shitfuck I have OTHER thoughts reading this again HELP.

Edit: Naw he dead I’m dumb lmaooo 🤣

Edit2: check the comments folks, we’ve got some top-shelf insights Re: lore etc rolling in in there that I would be deeply remiss to let anyone pass by.

#ask #destiny lore and headcanons

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angeledeggs · 1 year ago

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Yo, hope you’re having a good day. Could we get some hcs of the Mc finding out they have like- 8 or 9 siblings or something. And maybe they have like a family reunion with all the siblings to catch up and stuff, so mc takes their partner (preferably Valdemar, but it could be whoever) to said family reunion. Mc expects it to go decently well, but the siblings end up kinda bullying the partner (not super serious, more like excessive teasing, if that makes any sense).

Also your writing is so awesome and I genuinely look forward to seeing it each day, thank you for giving us arcana content that actually includes the courtiers

Oh, I love long requests, thanks for this! And thank you for the compliment, I love writing. This blog and everyone being so encouraging has really helped me find motivation to improve my writing, and just write in general from how supportive y'all are and of course! I love writing for y'all and writing about the courtiers! <3

"How many, again?"

Valdemar hummed as the driver hit a particularly nasty speed bump. Your body jerks even with the seatbelt while your partners body stays, as usual, unaffected by gravity. They offer you a little smile, and you don't think twice before returning it. "Eight." You say.

Valdemar sighs a bit. "Eight." They echo in response, drumming their fingertips together in the same steepled position they are always in. They seem.. Thoughtful about it. You can't help but glance at them a bit nervously, anxious to meet your family members. Valdemar catches your nervousness and without saying anything they reach over to clutch your hand. They are cold, like always, and their bare fingers are scarred. They only take their gloves off for you. You squeeze their hand in response and press yourselves against their side as you both wait for the car to pull up to your family's house.

You feel a nervous little flutter linger in your belly when the car stops. Valdemar puts their gloves on and pulls their mask over their nose and mouth. When they look at you, they see the particularly tight way in which you cling to your seatbelt. Their hand presses against the back of your neck and softly curls around your neck to feel your pulse. "Are you alright?" They murmur gently. You breath in deeply, trying to ground yourself on the feeling of your diaphragm expanding with each breath. "Yes." You say slowly, opening your eyes fully. "Are you?" Valdemar's eyes push up with a hidden smile beneath their mask. "I am, my dear. Let's go."

You barely left for a second.

You had abandoned the gathering briefly, mind you, just to get a pop from the cooler and when you return, Valdemar looks positively irritated. One of your many older siblings linger by their side, questions coming out of his mouth extremely quickly. "So.. Horns? Is that a cosplay thing? Is it a fetish thing? Is my sibling into horns--" you immediately shoo your brother away. "Come on, go bother someone else." You insist, kind of joking but mostly serious. Your brother snorts and turns away.

You go to Valdemar's side where they stand stiffly and hesitates when you reach out for them. Would touching them make their mood worse? Without even looking at you, Valdemar snatches your hand and hooks your arm around their own in the way they always do.

"You okay?" You say quietly, your voice softening to something more sweet with them. Valdemar let's out a soft little breath as their hand presses over your knuckles. "Your siblings are... Irritating." They mumbles to you as their latex encased fingers idley tap at your nails. You feel immediate worry bubble into your throat. You had thought this whole thing would go... Not good, but at least okay! "Siblings?" You sputter out. "As in-- As in plural? Have multiple of my siblings bothered you?" You hurriedly ask. Valdemar glances down at you, coldness in their eyes melting as they gaze at you. "Sh, my love," they hush you as they tap at your nails.

"They have not been bothering me quite as much as they have teased me. I do very believe it is a form of affection." Your frown deepens at their answer. "But you looked upset." You insist. Valdemar hums in thought for a moment. "Well, yes. But it was not too bad. And we may go whenever you like." They say gently. Oh, of course you want to go. You don't quite like all this... Social stuff, not even with your family. It makes you feel claustrophobic at best and extremely anxious at worst. But you feel a bit shy, about to just up and leave your family. "Um..." You mumble. You look up at Valdemar. Their fingers tap rhythms against your nails.

"yeah." You mumble softly. "Yeah, I wanna go..." Valdemar nods. "Then we'll go." And with no hesitance, they lead you out of the gathering with their head held high.

In the car, you sigh as it starts up and begins to drive. Valdemar tucks their arm around you, comfortable with the affection since the dark window in front of you both blocked you two from the driver. "Are you alright?" They murmur softly. You lean into their cold touch. "Yeah." You mumble. You glance up at them, meeting their red eyes. "You?" Valdemar's red eyes soften further and they use their other hand to stroke your cheek.

"With you, my dear?" They whisper. "I am more than alright."

❀

#the arcana #the arcana apprentice #the arcana fanfic #the arcana game #valdemar the arcana #valdemar #quaestor valdemar #valdemar x reader #valdemar x mc #requests are welcome #reqs open

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sitp-recs · 2 years ago

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Happy birthday darling @nv-md! I can’t think of anyone more present, cheerful or supportive than Ali. She’s always so kind, so positive and genuinely encouraging to everyone around her, and also super enthusiastic about all fandom related things. Her passion for Drarry and rare pairs is absolutely infectious, and I feel like we are especially connected through our sordid rare pairs interests 👯‍♀️ not to mention her wit and sense of humor - Ali is such a fun person to be around and that translates into her fics, too. It’s impossible not to smile or laugh out loud with the hilarious shenanigans she comes up with - or drool over her sexy & scorching hot smut 🔥

Ali is a fandom champion and embodies what this experience is supposed to be about imo - finding joy in creating and engaging. She’s a writer, beta, cheerleader and still finds time to carefully read, comment and reblog everything else. Whenever I’m leaving a comment on a fic I find out that Ali’s already been there spreading gentle encouragement. Her presence is truly inspiring and reminds me of what it means to be part of something bigger, and to be there for your friends. So much of what she does goes unnoticed behind the scenes and I wanted to highlight those contributions as well. Now, on to my favourite Ali treats (lol I almost wrote “threats” which they might be! Killing us with softness 😔). As I said, she’s equally passionate about Drarry and rare pairs - from tooth rotting fluff to unapologetic filthy porn, she’s written some of my favourite tropes for my favourite ships, and I’m so happy that I get to feast on her works for free. Happy birthday my friend, I hope you have a day as sweet and fun as you are! Thank you for being you 💗

Drarry

Have I Told You About My Vampire Boyfriend? (M, 1.1k)

Harry fucking loves being a vampire, especially since he gets to be a vampire with Draco.

Bonds, Besties, and Boners: Draco Malfoy’s Guide to Getting a Boyfriend (E, 4k)

Draco and Harry are accidentally bonded while at work. Harry's thrilled, Draco's annoyed, and Pansy's doing everything she can to cause trouble. Can these two idiots figure their messy relationship out?

Your Kiss, and I Will Surrender (E, 5k)

Draco's on the run and Harry hasn't seen him in months. All hell breaks loose when Harry catches him in Knockturn Alley, but there's more to their relationship, and Draco's disappearance, than meets the eye.

Ali's Candy Hearts - A Month of Drarry Fluff (E, 14k)

A collection of unrelated Drarry fics: let's get fluffy in February.

On Hope & Healing (E, 14k)

Harry and Draco haven't seen each other in seven years, since Draco left the Aurors—and Harry—behind. So Harry can't help but be surprised when he starts working as a Healer at St Mungo's and runs into Draco.

Operation Dragon's Shenanigans (E, 14k)

Harry's in love with Draco, but it's complicated. Even more complicated than 'I'm in love with my ex-archnemesis and I get dizzy every time I see him smile'.

Draco Malfoy Absolutely Does Not Need to Be Loved by Harry Bloody Potter (E, 18k)

It’s not easy to be bonded to your childhood rival, turned fuckbuddy, who you also have extremely uncomfortable but repressed feelings for—just ask Draco Malfoy.

Rare pairs

Savage Altruism (T, 428 words) - Harry/Hermione

A cursed statue is determined to keep Harry and Hermione from love.

Let Me Take You Home (M, 1k) - Ginny/Pansy

After the war, everything and everyone was broken. Ginny and Pansy find a home in each other.

Can't I Have Both? (E, 1.8k) - Omegaverse Harry/Draco/Blaise

Werewolves usually only have one mate, but of course, Draco has to be special and have two Alphas chasing after him. And he makes sure they always want him...especially when he can drag them into the loo of a club.

True Love Blooms (E, 7k) - Harry/Theo

The flower tattoos on Theo's back paint the story of his and Harry's relationship: two boys falling in love and making their relationship work, no matter what.

Overexposed (E, 10k) - Harry/Teddy/Draco

Teddy never expected to become a model for Nimbus, and he definitely didn't expect any of the adverts to catch Harry and Draco's attention. But now that it's happened, Teddy can't deny he gets a thrill every time he catches Harry and Draco staring, and he's going to do everything he can to keep their eyes on him.

#happy bday Ali!!!! 🎉🎉🎉#drarry recs #hp rare pairs #nv-md

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mc-i-r · 1 year ago

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Hi hi hi!!! On the bandwagon to say how good Disposable Heroes is! (also - what a title!) I love how this take exposes everyone's biases in such a casual way, that through something minor, it snowballs. Not a single person (adult or kids alike) thinks to check on Steve, that one misunderstanding becomes an excuse to treat Steve how they truly view him (ie, still an asshole, taking digs at his personality and intelligence, how easily they distance themselves after everything he's done for them with zero regards to his well-being and feelings.) Thinking of the party trying to defend themselves by downplaying Steve's part in everything, only to have it pointed out that half of them wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Steve - but how it also extends past mortal danger as well, all the outings, check ins, lunch and arcade money, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - And everyone now being forced to confront these biases, that Steve isn't a two dimensional NPC they can recruit whenever they need a tank, devoid of feelings or emotion outside of them. That he's been struggling with the trauma of this shit too. I love your exploration of Steve's character - how he's alarmingly aware and observant of the people around him, how he assesses quietly and chooses to take action for better (despite it maybe not being reciprocated - that scene in Family Video where Steve is so earnest with Eddie... it broke my heart.) It feels so true to his writing, even all the way back to S1/S2 when he realises where he went wrong, tries to make up for it. Also the angst, the good good angst! Dying to read when Eddie finds out Steve's true feelings and what Steve's had to endure this entire time... and how harmful the King Steve moniker actually is. Selfishly, I want the party (+ extended) to grovel a bit to earn back his friendship - but I love that your version has one steadfast Robin Buckley by Steve's side. Such a good premise!!! Sorry for such along ask haha, i got excited. I'd love to be tagged for future updates! - @foundintheshallows

Thank you so much! It amazes me how much positive feedback I'm getting from Heroes, it truly feels surreal. The fact that so many people are liking it is insane to me but it's definitely encouraging me to keep writing more!

Funny little thing about the title, it's actually based on a Metallica song from Master of Puppets! I was listening to the album when I was writing one day and as soon as I was trying to think of a good title, this song came on and the lyrics just... Fit. It's not super important, but I think it's kinda cool :)

That's something I really wanted to express, how people's biases never really go away despite knowing or thinking otherwise. I wanted to show that bias can hurt a person, even when you don't think about it or actively do it. Steve gets hit with a lot of that since his character was one who had a rough past, so I really wanted to drive the point home that even though people can change, they can still get hurt.

Trauma in the show, I feel like, is immensely overlooked so I wanted to amend that. Steve has been through some shit- including Russian torture- and he would obviously have permanent issues from that. Physical issues such as his eyesight (all those concussions had to have fucked up his vision somehow), migraines (seriously, head trauma is no joke), and hearing (which will come in later) as well as mental issues such as panic attacks, paranoia, dissociation, and anxiety. But, despite all that, he puts it all aside for the Party even though they never do so in return and that's where some of that sweet, sweet angst comes in.

This is really just an excuse to dive into the mind of the tiny Steve that lives in my brain because he gets so little attention in the show regarding his character and I wanted to fix that. Showing how kind and compassionate he is- and really has always been- is something I really really wanted to get right. That scene in Family Video was an example of that (I'm really glad you liked it, I rewrote it soooo many times) and I wanted to express how genuinely thoughtful he is to others even if they don't give him the same courtesy in return. He's had a lot of character development, and this is just my way of paying homage to it, I suppose.

I don't wanna give away too much, but the Party definitely feels some retribution for what they did to Steve and he really takes his time to fully accept their apologies. It'll all come full circle in the end, and a loooot of loose ends are tied up.

I'm jumping between Robin's and Eddie's chapters right now to try and iron out some final details so your wait might not last too much longer!

Thank you so much for this ask and I'll add you to the tag list right away!

#mal answers #disposable heroes

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steddieas-shegoes · 2 years ago

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UPDATE

Hi everyone! Just wanted to give a little update because I haven’t been posting as regularly the last few days. I’m fine!

Had a rough day Wednesday that bled a bit into Thursday, so I didn’t feel super inspired and was really focused on Liam’s tryouts and just being super anxious about that.

BUT HE MADE THE TEAM!!!! And I did post a fundraiser thing here if you are able to help even by just sharing, that would mean the world to me. The excitement of him making the team dulled QUICK when I saw it was $3200 just to play, not even counting equipment ahahahaha.

But I am staying positive and keeping up the excitement for Liam because this is major for him. His coach from when he first started learn to play might be his coach for the travel team and she reached out to me this morning and said that her and the two guys who oversee hockey operations were really impressed with Liam’s development and that he’s always giving everything he’s got out there and after I cried about that for 15 minutes, I decided to just suck it up and make the fundraiser even though I hate, loathe, despise asking for help of any kind, especially money.

And if anyone has any ideas for making some extra money that’s not visual art related (my stick people are fantastic, but that is the extent to which I can draw), I am all ears.

BUT ALL THAT BEING SAID!!! I am working on chapter 10 for call me sunshine and I think, though I cannot promise, it will be posted tomorrow. I hoped to have it posted today, but I do have actual work that calls me despite how much I wish it would forget my number.

I have started on a few more requests as well, but again, kept getting distracted with anxiety and life and work. The good news is that when I finish those, there will be 3 or 4 posted really quickly.

My summer classes don’t start until the 16th, so I SHOULD be able to get through a good portion of the requests by then. I have about 40 in my inbox, which is sooooo many and I am sooooo excited. So if you’ve sent one, I have seen it, read it, and gotten excited about it, I promise. I would have already reached out if I couldn’t get to it or didn’t feel comfortable with it, so just keep up the patience! I am still taking them through May 7th (Sunday). I try to do it first come first serve, but I do occasionally skip one and come back to it if the inspiration isn’t quite hitting. You aren’t limited to just one either, ask @zerokrox-blog how many of theirs are sitting in my inbox or have already been written (it’s probably double digits). I have been loving your ideas and the creativity you trust me with.

And this is just a friendly reminder that if you ever see a prompt that was sent to me and YOU want to write it, DO IT. I am not a hoarder of ideas. These ideas aren’t even mine to begin with. If someone wants to see it, they deserve to see it in many ways and many interpretations. And the same goes for expanding or writing your own version of something that I write! If I had the time to make everything I write into a 100k fic I would, but I don’t, so if someone else wants to, then please just tag me in it so I can read it!

Thank you guys for all of your kind words and encouragement, especially lately ❤️

#update #personal #requests #call me sunshine send me to space #chapter 10

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myretransitiondiary · 1 year ago

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Morning gaming sesh of call of duty. Rudegrrl2667 on twitch if y'all are interested haha. Anyway. I'm posting a pic rn because I have like... *Knocks on wood* perfect skin RN and I have no idea why. I haven't been avoiding the foods I'm allergic too (turns out I'm mildly allergic to wheat, corn, beef and whey I found out super recently). I've been going to doc appointments because very often I get small hive-like occurrences around my nose and also on my back that last for weeks and sometimes even months.

I wish I knew how to get rid of the hives or whatever they are for good but unfortunately they are unpredictable and seem to have no rhyme or reason no matter what I've been eating or not eating (I've tried cutting foods out and also not, and still it's unpredictable). But today is a happy day because they aren't around! First time in months. Interestingly, my father also has issues with his skin and rashes on his face occasionally. Anyway, my skin is doing crazy good rn and I have no clue why lol.

Gratitude is important. I have so much to be thankful for in life. I've experienced a lot of bad in my life, yes. But also so, so much good. I'm so proud to come from the family I come from. I'm so proud of all of them and I feel proud to carry the same last name. I want to start accomplishing things. My family are doers. I need to start doing.

I got a seasonal position at Nordstrom at the perfume counter, it's a short term gig but it's kind of adorable. Looking forward to having something to do and making some money in quite a bougie atmosphere tbh haha.

I have to admit, I struggle with holding down jobs. I don't get fired, but I have moved jobs many... Many times. I have had bouts of panic and depression that pop up without warning that makes me want to give up which has lost me my fair share of amazing job opportunities. The knowledge of this is a little painful. I just want to do well and feel successful in my life and it seems like that is the one thing I cannot seem to achieve yet. It's not like going on disability is actually an option either, I've thought about it from time to time. It's just not enough money to live off of ultimately. Idk. It's definitely the biggest hurtle in my life, or has been.

My partner has been kind enough to support me while I've been out of work this time. I don't know what I would do without her honestly in so many ways. She shows me so much love and support, I often hope that I am doing enough for her in return. My partner is a newly transitioning transgender female (mtf). I love her and support her journey fully. I didn't regret transitioning the first time myself. Being Joey was an extremely important part of my journey to becoming who I am today.

Everyone is allowed to regret transitioning if they want to. I'm not saying you can't do that or feel that way. I just.... Don't believe in encouraging that way of thinking. If I had a child who ended up transitioning, I would want them to know that they should love themselves no matter what their human bodies look or sound like. Just because I don't look or sound how I would have if I hadn't transitioned to be a man, doesn't mean I'm not beautiful just the way I am now. I just wish we all wanted to love ourselves and wanted others to do the same no matter what.

God. Sometimes I wish I could give my partner advice when it comes to the next two years of transition for her.... I would tell her to stop waiting to live. Stop... Waiting to "arrive" at the perfect you. Let transition happen to you while you're living your life fearlessly. We are never done "cooking" as I like to say. So just go out and live like no one is watching 😭♥️

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sassyandclassy94 · 2 years ago

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AH I'm so excited for you to be getting to know him! I feel like I haven't had a crush in forever so def living vicariously. It's fun noticing all the little things. Hmmm do you think he likes you back? Have you told your family how you feel? Have you ever dated anyone before? Has he? What would be your perfect first date?

Thank you!!! It is a rather exciting journey - an emotional roller coaster too but for the most part it is super exciting.

Oh yes I’m almost 99% positive that he likes me back! He gave me his number back in August and ever since we’ve been texting each other regularly (we take turns initiating the first texts too), and since September he’s been at my house 9 times and whenever he hangs out at my house, he stays till the very last second! Sunday night he was here until 10:35/10:40ish - I spent seven hours with him, maybe 8 and half if you count the time I spent with him at church. It was such a good day. He also commented on the denim jacket I was wearing Sunday… which I think is a good thing? OH! And back in December, he went out of state for his brother’s wedding and he texted me the entire week he was gone😱 He also recently mentioned that he remembered what month we had our first real conversation (it was April!) and what it was about!! (I asked him how his trip to Alaska was and said how Alaska is the top state I hope to visit some day). I’m trying to think of more examples🤔 Both my dad and best friend’s husband told me they’ve caught him sneaking glances during our game nights and OH!! Two weeks ago after youth group!! I was turned just so while I was talking to the top Bible club leader, and when Isaiah came up the stairs he caught eye contact with me, raised his eyebrows at me, and grinned! It was so cute! And the Sunday before Christmas!!! Cantata Sunday!! That was the first time I had seen him since before his brother’s wedding (it felt like so much longer than a week😭 I missed him so much!!) I told him I missed him, blah blah blah, and then when we were finishing up our chat he said, “It was nice to see you! Will you be here later for the cantata?” I said yeah cause my sister’s in it! He said “Well I’ll see you then then!” And then later that evening, after the cantata, he talked to me for a good long while😭 We even got talking about weddings, lol!! (My bestie told me that men don’t really talk about those things with girls they’re not that interested in so, POSITIVE SIGN!! And most recently, I had a really bad week at work and I’m trying to get a job elsewhere and he was SO helpful and encouraging about the whole thing. He really seemed to care about me and my well-being so there’s that too! So yeah! I’d say it’s an almost-sure thing that Isaiah does in fact lioe me back!

Yes, my family does know about my feelings for him - my middle sister was the first to know from the start. And they’re all cool about it! My family loves him and Isaiah honestly blends right in with my family! And k think they’re all starting to get really excited about the whole thing being that he’s been showing more blatant signs that he likes me :)

I do not know if he’s ever dated anyone before… we haven’t really talked about that kind of thing yet. If a certain source is to be reliable (which I can’t say for sure), he’s been burned by other girls before and he hasn’t had an actual girlfriend before. As for me, I have never had a boyfriend before - not even a real life crush! If we turn out to be endgame, Isaiah will be my first and only.

Hmmm… I think my idea of the perfect first date would be bowling! I’ve never gone before but he’s mentioned he loves it and has suggested I give it a try. So, if he ever gets around to asking me out, I feel like bowling will be the thing. So there ya have it! I hope I answered all your questions! I’m super flattered that you’ve taken an interest in my love life🥰 Sometimes I feel like I’m boring everyone with how much I want to and do talk about it/him. So it means a lot to me that you’ve taken an interest :)

#Ask Abby #the crush chronicles #personal

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slasherhaven · 4 years ago

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I just found your account, so hi!! Could I request some HCs for slashers (whatever you’re feeling up to) with an s/o who struggles with homicidal thoughts? Thank you in advance! 💖

The Slashers with a S/O who struggles with homicidal thoughts:

Thomas Hewitt

Super protective. He doesn’t like it at all. He will never feel any differently towards you, he’ll always adore you, but it’s dangerous, you could get hurt and he can’t risk that. But if you decide that this is something that you just have to do, he will try to understand. When the next group rolls in, you can have one to handle, but he isn’t leaving your side just in case something goes wrong. He’s also just there for you if you need some support and comfort when you’re dealing with these horrible thoughts.

New duties. If you go through with the kill and decide this is something you can keep doing, Hoyt is foing to use it against you and tell you that you can help deal with vitcims now. But, on the positive side, Thomas is less reluctant to have you down in the basement with him. And that means more time with your man!

Michael Myers

A little too encouraging. Michael knows you and he knows that you aren’t like him. But if you’re having these thoughts, maybe you understand him more than he thought. He doesn’t care if you kill someone, it won’t change how he feels about you. He’s an enabler.

Date night? Would you like him to take you with him one night? You’ll be able to get a better feel for what it’s actually like to see someone die and to kill someone. He’ll even let you use his knife if you want to give it a go. This is all a very generous offer coming from Michael sooooo do with that what you will.

Jason Voorhees

He is worried about you. Now, he isn’t a hypocrite. He knows that he couldn’t judge you for your thought when he does all the things that he does, but he’s worried about your well being. If the thoughts distress you, he wants to help you. If you plan on going through with some of those thoughts, he’s worried you’ll get hurt.

A controlled environment. He might not like it but if this is something that you really need to do, he will try to be supportive. You can help him defend the camp. You can indulge your thoughts where you are safe, where he can watch and protect you.

Brahms Heelshire

You? His sweet nanny? He’s more surprised than anything. You’re so kind and sweet to him. How could somebody so caring and nurturing have these kind of thoughts.

You aren’t alone. His thoughts are...different. But we all know that he isn’t the most mentally stable, he has darker thoughts. He can be violent and lash out but never with you. He trusts that your thoughts won’t ever be directed at him. That the two of you can share your struggles and help each other cope. Neither of you have to be ashamed around each other.

Bo Sinclair

Feels more understood. He would never admit it but he always wonders what you think of what he does, if it bothers you or not. Maybe you understand him and his own struggles more than he thought. Was this why you don’t judge him for what he does?

Well, if you ever want to give him a hand. Bo is open to letting you help him with the people who try to pass through the town. He’s still very careful with it, not wanting you to be put in any unnecessary danger. He’ll be right by your side, holding your hand through it all. If you want to back out at anytime, you let him know and he’ll take care of it. After that, he will keep you away from all this nasty stuff in the future.

Vincent Sinclair

He had conflicting thoughts. He’s not going to judge you too hard, he’s just worried about you. He knows that what he and his brothers did wasn’t good but he thought that you were...but you had these thoughts so what was he supposed to think? Is that why you seemed so comfortable here? Did he not have to be ashamed about the things he did...at least not with you.

You can be his assistant. He’s always tried to keep you away from the workroom when he had a victim in there but maybe you would enjoy being there with him. He’d make the offer, it’s totally up to you to accept. He reminds you multiple times that you can leave whenever you want if you decide that these these are best kept just as thoughts.

Lester Sinclair

Who is he to judge? It’s not like he and his brothers are upstanding members of society and who doesn’t have their vices? You’re still you and he still loves you. If you just need some acceptance and comfort, he’s on it. If you maybe want to explore those thoughts, he’ll be there for you.

He’ll take you into town. Where better than to explore all these thoughts than Ambrose? You can talk to Bo about helping out. Next time a group of unsuspecting people come by, Lester will take you with him and you can be his partner. He just wants to help you in whatever way you need to to.

Bubba Sawyer

Are you okay?! Bubba could never judge you for your thoughts considering what his family does but he’s worried about the thoughts upsetting you. If they do upset you, he will be eager to comfort you. If you aren’t upset by them and would actually like to act on them, he’ll be supportive but silently fretting about you being in a dangerous situation.

Officially a Sawyer! If you do act on these thoughts, the whole family is supportive of you. Look at you, you’re taking on their traits, you’re helping to provide for the family. Even Drayton considers you family at this point.

Billy Lenz

Relates to your struggle. Billy understands, he’s had some...concerning thoughts as well, but you know all about that. He would never judge you for this because you had always been so accepting to him.

Supporting each other. You have been a miracle to him, replacing those thoughts with something more positive. You make those thoughts fade and he hopes that he can do the same for you. No matter what, the two of you are there to support each other when you’re struggling, you taught him that.

Asa Emory (The Collector)

Will take you to the hotel. You know of the place but have only visited rarely. It’s dangerous and not for the faint of heart, so he likes to keep you away from it. But with this new information, he’s more willing to get you familiar with it. He’s surprised by your confession but in the end knows he can’t be too judgmental, he’s actually interested in how this will play out.

Eases you into it. He’ll show you around, show you his collection, show you a victim he is already holding. He’ll let you watch him work, reminding you that if you want to back out, you have to say so. He can’t help if you don’t speak up. But once you’re standing at the table, knife in hand, him right behind you, he reminds you that it’s now or never. Do you really have the stomach for it?

Jesse Cromeans (Chromeskull)

Supportive. He’s not going to freak out or think differently of you. This is interesting and he wants to explore it further with you. Unless the thoughts distress you, then he will worry and he won’t push you to act on them.

Accompanying him on his ‘business trip’. If you do want to act on those thoughts, you’re coming along with him this time. Even if you normally travel with him, you’ll be playing a part in his ‘work’ this time. He’ll even let you watch some of his tapes so you can prepare yourself for what you’re going to be experiencing. If right then you decide that you can’t do this, that’s perfectly fine. But if you’re still okay to go through with this, Jesse will bring you a victim himself, subduing them so that your first kill can be easy. He doesn’t want to risk your wellbeing at all. He’s right there the whole time and you can back out at any moment, he’ll just deal with them instead.

Otis Driftwood

Want to give it a try? It’s a genuine question, not one to pressure you. Otis knows that this isn’t for everyone and that homicidal thoughts are very different to actually killing somebody. If you want to explore it, he’s super supportive, but if not that’s fine too. He’s oddly...patient about the whole thing.

Proud. If you go through with the kiss and it turns out that you enjoyed it, he is just so proud of you. Look at you, fitting right into the family. It also reaffirms to him that you are happy with him. You’re fucked like the rest of the family, still better than him, but it looks like the two of you were just made for him.

Baby Firefly

What are you waiting for?! Why did you say something sooner! The two of you could have been killing together all this time! She wants to hear every grizzly detail of your thoughts. She is the biggest enabler but reluctantly understands if you don’t want to actually make these thoughts real. But you know where to find her if you change your mind!

Victim shopping. Baby will make a night of it. The two of you heading out with the intention of bringing a victim or two home. She wants you to pick your first kill, this is a big deal! And if you decide you don’t want to kill anyone, you can help her bring her choice back.

Yautja (Predator)

Isn’t quick to judge. His race is known for being ultimate predators, killers, so he’s not going to demonise you over some thoughts. Talk to him, help him understand what you’re struggling with, he is here to help you and support you.

Will train you. If you wish to explore these thoughts in a more...realistic setting. He will help you. He’ll teach you how to focus those thoughts on something more worthy, how to hunt worthy kills and avoid hurting anyone who’s innocent. Will teach you their honour code and how killing can both bring you honour or bring you dishonour. He’ll guide you through it all.

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caregivingchrysalises · 8 months ago

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hii can i ask for some comfort after getting hurt? it would help a lot but don't worry, take your time! i appreciate your blog a lot, so thanks for being here.

hi sweet thing, buba’s got you~ i’m going to help you feel all better dewdrop~ can you show/tell buba where you’re hurting honey? oh sweetheart i know it hurts angel~ you’re buba’s brave little bird aren’t you baby, yeah? you’re allowed to be upset honey, it’s okay to feel icky love.

would holding buba’s hand help you feel better precious? you can squeeze it as tightly as you need to dove,, that’s it honey, you’re doing such a good job sundrop. and just like magic you’re all cleaned up angel ~ thank you for being so patient with me as we flew through the ickiness, now onto the fun part, can you buba what kind of bandaid you’d like? we’ve got all sorts of different colors and shapes, the butterflies are my personal favorite though,, what gave it away ^laughing softly^ you like them too sprout? well then i think we have our winner then, in your favorite color or a new one? you want me to pick, hmm well i must say the blue one looks quite dashing ^my wings flutter softly behind me^,, blue just like buba, how right you are my little star. blue looks quite good on you baby, there we have it all patched up hun, and now you’ve got a mini buba to keep you company on all of your outings,, and a charming prinx who’ll always welcome you home to the chrysalis~ i think that’s quite a dashing combo don’t you?

{what’s that look for love, i forgot something,, hmm and what might that be? kisses! why that’s the most important part, can buba kiss your ouchies precious? would that make my little dove’s heart happy? of course love ^softly kisses wherever you’d been hurt^ that’s much better isn’t it love~ thank you for reminding me hun}

thank you for reading and thank you for the ask, i hope i delivered some comfy coziness! thanks for your support!!

~ hugs, atala

p,s, butterfly bandaids for ref!

#hey chat #i come with gifts #okay but these bandaids are actually quite adorable #thank you for everyone being so kind !! your positivity has been super encouraging #thank you for the ask!#agere comfort #sfw hurt/comfort #agere asks #royal caregiver #sfw agere #atala answers #i was supposed to put thst tag first lol #at this point these tags are a wasteland anyway #agere reassurance #asks open #agere #thanks for reading these tags love ya

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ariendiel · 3 years ago

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Hey, I hope this isn’t a super annoying question but you’ve altars got such beautiful and positive content - what helped make a Noah route more enjoyable in the actual playthrough? Any advice you can impart?

Not annoying at all! I love these kinds of asks, so thank you! 💗 I'll make this my detailed guide to how I make the Noah route enjoyable (to me at least), but without playing it as a burn-the-villa route because I actually don't enjoy my MC being mean... Hope it might help some of you at least!

Please note this all requires projecting a lot of feelings etc. onto MC, which I think is a requirement for most routes to be fair. I'll add this post to my masterlist and will replay the game soon-ish (and for the last time) to make sure it all makes sense with any possible changes etc.

My guide to a nice* Noah route

Day 1: Choose Noah, I never minded that Hope "stole" him (it happens) but it does help if you – like me – want to create a "what if?" storyline in your head while playing. I've also never been a Bobby stan**, so I don't mind being in a friendship couple with him and just reject him. ** If you're a Bobby stan, probably choose someone else.

Don't flirt with anyone else at first, that way he will approach you during the evening and you can chat for a while before Hope comes to, uhm, collect him.

Day 3: Since MC is in a friendship couple with Bobby, and not really interested in anyone else here, flirt with and couple up with Rocco. The sympathy you get throughout Roccogate, while also forgiving Marisol, is quite nice – especially because you get protective Lucas.

Speaking of Lucas, I tend to flirt with him during etc. but then purposefully don't save him so that MC is again left feeling like there's no real option for her (Bobby is her friend, Rocco grafted on someone else, and now Lucas has left). This helps in the build-up to Operation Nope. Choose Henrik here if he's your preferred part of Lurik.

Day 7: Help Noah win the Mr. Love Island competition (I'm still salty they changed it so that Bobby is the one to approach MC initially. But just imagine Noah is the one doing it).

Day 9: Choose Noah for your Villa date. At this point, I headcanon MC and Noah as very good mates who increasingly look longingly at each other. Nope is rapidly falling apart, and book boy is feeling lost. The date is also just lovely in general. Hope picks first at that recoupling though, so pick Bobby.

I would recommend coupling up with Bobby here, but this time because he actively will encourage you to participate in ON. Like, you can project onto him whatever motivations you like, but it definitely makes MC kissing Noah feel a bit more... valid?

Day 10: Kiss Noah during Operation Nope (I don't like to be too enthusiastic when they plan it though, feeling pity for Rahim especially).

Day 11: If you don't like Jakub: Go on the date with him, and hate every moment of it. Break up with Bobby, saying your head's turned.

Day 12: Listen in on the conversation between Noah and Priya, it's quite cute I think – and makes it clear that Priya is quite bitter Noah is into MC and not her. This, I think, is why she later is the one to purposefully tell Hope in front of pretty much everyone that Noah is into MC and wants to couple with her.

That night, when the big argument happens, there are a few dialogue options I'd recommend over others: 1. Suggest coming up with a compromise. 2. Suggest giving Noah space to think. 3. Admit you like him, but say you won't act on those feelings. This way, Noah won't snap, Hope will forgive Priya, but not you, and at least to me it feels like MC is genuinely just tired of the whole thing and Hope yelling at her. Note: I haven't played the game in a while, but will do so soon to make sure these are all the same as they were over a year ago.

Day 13: Disaster recoupling! Noah will pick you, and just enjoy this for as long as it lasts. Literally it is so lovely to be coupled up with him and you get to learn quite a lot about him. Kiss him before going to CA.

CA: Ugh, just get through it. I prefer to stay loyal to Noah throughout, mostly because suddenly MC's girl"friends" don't think she wants to be serious with him and at least this way it proves them wrong.

Day 17: Noah switches to Blake. This man's a notorious over-thinker, and a combination of insecurity and Blake playing the game made him switch. Don't think too much about it, other than take note of how he switched to the girl that managed to "mimic" MC in how she behaves, rather than the one that looked like Hope. It's the little things, really. Say you're happy for him, and just enjoy how genuinely sad and apologetic he is, but also how he almost certainly thinks he's completely blown his chances with MC for good.

Day 18: THE PAIN. Everyone ignores MC and her feelings completely, instead working together to get Hope back with Noah for some bloody reason. The worst day on a Noah route, but you can tell Noah isn't really into it, and by this point it's hard to tell if Hope is just playing the game or not (I choose to imagine her knowing she has to be with Noah to have a chance at winning. I love her, but she's competitive and wants to win).

During the recoupling, I usually choose to save Jakub and stay with him in a miserable couple until the end. But choose whoever you're not really interested in from here on out.

Day 19: Fail the ‘Mister and Missus’ challenge. Your partner, or Jakub at least, will be genuinely mad at you for it. If you have low enough relationship points, Noah will make you breakfast the next day. ❤️

Get through these days and the gossip-sneezer drama as best as you can, ignore Hope and flirt with Noah when you can. Honestly, the chemistry and building (s*xual) tension between him and MC is so good if you're into him.

Admit to Chelsea you're into him***, that way you get to chat with him on the roof terrace, say you like him. *** I can't remember the day this happens on, but will check later.

Day 22: Flirt with Noah that morning, and notice how Hope is acutely taking note of it, because not much later she'll corner MC and ask her who she fancies. Here, you can't say Noah, the game forcing you to say someone else (I say Jakub because my poor MC is coupled with him and it feels like the "right" choice, but choose whoever you want to couple with). After you say a name, Hope will literally sprint out and tell this person, before quickly going to Noah – most likely to tell him about how much MC fancies [insert name here]. This, combined with literally everyone expecting it of him, is why Noah blows his last chance at being with MC and chooses Hope at the recoupling.

I think we mentioned it quite a bit in our Noah character analysis (here), but note how his speeches when choosing Hope get less and less emotional and more robotic as time passes.

Don't do any gem options with your partner by the way, and don't kiss them etc. Treat it like a simple friendship, and nothing more. It makes it a lot easier to imagine that they're only really with MC and laying it on thick at times because they're in it for the money.

Day 24: Whoever you sent home out of Lurik comes back, you can swap to them without hurting your chances with Noah if that makes it easier to steal the money. I still don't like to outright cheat or flirt with them though.

Again, just enjoy and take every single moment you get with Noah to flirt with him. He flirts back and is so very clearly into MC it hurts.

Day 28: Say no to being your partner's girlfriend (if you haven't flirted with them much up until here it's super awkward and feels forced). Noah won't have asked Hope to be his girlfriend either, so neither of you will technically cheat later, as they're pretty much just formally coupled up. Agree to chat with Noah on the roof terrace that night, and straight out admit you like him – don't go for the kiss... yet.

Day 29: Just get through the prom knowing that all Noah and MC, depending on how you project, can think about is the other. Hook up on the roof terrace that night, and accept that Noah won't just run back in and break up with Hope right away (it doesn't make much sense to do so, and Noah is not one to act rashly).

Day 30: Steal the money. Go talk with Noah and Hope first. Noah breaks up with Hope and you get that wonderful pool scene with him where he says "I love you".

Good luck, and let me know how it goes or if you have any questions! Now go get that sweet pixel librarian 📚

#*no guarantees #litg noah #litg s2 #love island the game

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shoutoismybaby · 4 years ago

Text

Omega Shame Part 2

Part 1 / Part 3

Thank you guys for all your interest! It made me super happy to see so many people excited about my writing, so I hope you enjoy and stay tuned for the last part soon!

Warnings: Angst, depression, mentions of fighting (bc hero training)

***

The classroom didn't smell right. Not only was your serotonin inducing scent the class had gotten accustomed to in the past couple months missing, but a certain caramel smell had a hint of burnt rubber and ash to it. Despite some of the girls hearing commotion coming from your room, you didn’t answer their calls or knocks, so no one knew what was going on. The only knowledge the class had was that you weren’t in class and Bakugou was upset. Well, more upset than he usually was.

Even his best friends, whether or not he would admit that’s what they were to him, would earn growls and bared teeth if they got too close. Other than that though, Bakugou was generally unresponsive. Only caring when people got too close, but he didn’t respond when Aizawa called on him, or when the lunch bell rang. Only shoving the teachers hand off his shoulder when he came to check up on the blond.

Bakugou was just too caught up in his thoughts to really be aware of his surroundings as he followed his class aimlessly to the cafeteria.

Even though his body was in the P.E Training grounds, his brain was back in time to your dorm room. Back when your body began to tremble at the sight of him, the way salty tears rushed from your eyes when he started to speak. Your throat squeaking as you begged him to spare the nest you had constructed. It was beautifully made, if you had asked him. The way your soft blankets were woven together with your favorite weekend clothes, pillows being used to stable the walls. It looked incredibly comfortable.

Bakugou knew that Omegas could get upset if their nest was intruded without permission. But he also knew he was nowhere near your circular haven. Yet, you were crying, shaking, and begging.

It was then that it dawned on the hothead that you were scared of him. His omega was Terrified of him. It made his heart beat erratically, how could he make someone he cared about so scared of him? Especially his own omega. It was his job to keep you safe, to take care of you and make sure you were comfortable. You trusted him to fulfill this role, but you thought he was going to destroy your nest?

It made Bakugous’ buzz in confusion. It made no sense that you would be freaking out just because your alpha walked in your room.

Unless you weren't even his omega by choice. What if you just accepted his courting gift because you were afraid he would hurt you? He had been told multiple times throughout his life that he needed to stop being so aggressive, that he would scare omegas away, but he had always brushed those comments off. He had thought that he would find someone who liked him despite his anger, and he thought you were that person.

Clearly, though, you were too fearful of him to even reject his proposal. Your trembling body inside of your nest was undeniable proof of that. You were too scared to even tell him you were nesting, and if the sight was evidence enough you didn’t seem to have or want his scent anywhere close to your nest. He should have noticed it before. What kind of alpha scared those they were supposed to protect?

You probably just got off of your meds to make him happy too. You had made so many sacrifices to keep him happy, and the thought of that made his blood boil. He had been a terrible alpha to you. He had to end this, he couldn’t put you through anymore pain. His inner alpha cried at the thought of having hurt you.

His large hand moved towards his opposite wrist, gently shimmying the bracelet that sat on it off. It was your courting gift to him, since you insisted on making him something in return. It was simple, made of skillfully twisted threads in his hero costume colors. His heart had skipped a beat the moment you presented it to him, not that he would tell anyone that. Especially not now, not when all the memories he shared with you were put into perspective.

He remembered how it felt as though the threads burnt his skin on its way past. How it dragged his heart down with it as it fell to the floor. Since then, he felt numb to the outside world. It didn’t matter how many times Kirishima tried to get him involved in their 1-1 match, he mostly just stood there, letting his instincts do the bare minimum to protect his body.

“Come on man!” His body dodged another hit just enough before slacking again, causing the redheaded alpha to growl. “You’re not responding to anything and you smell, honestly bad bro. What’s going on with you!?”

The only thing “going on” in Katsuki’s brain was replaying the pain in your eyes over and over. Replaying how you were scared, no, terrified of the person who was supposed to protect you. His omega wasn’t his omega anymore, and his alpha felt broken. He felt alone.

He could only focus on how he failed to do his basic duties. How he failed you. Everyone had been right when they critiqued his anger. He was too aggressive to deserve an Omega. Clearly he couldn’t treat one right no matter how much their smile made serotonin speed through his brain. If he couldn’t protect you from himself it was ridiculous to think he would do anything but fuck up protecting Japan from villains. He was a terrible alpha who couldn’t even treat an Omega properly, so what was the point? He wasn’t even good at his innate purpose.

By now Kirishima was getting desperate. All day his best friend had been growing more and more despondent, and he was scared for what that meant. He just needed Bakugou to talk to him, Kirishima wanted to be reassured that he was okay. And he had an idea of how to pull Bakugou back into the present, even if he didn’t like it.

“I don’t want to do this but, I’m really worried about you. Bakugou is this about (Y/n)?” The blondes alpha perked up at the mention of your name, drawing Bakugou’s head up with it.

“The girls said something happened in (Y/n)’s room last night and,” He hesitated, ruby eyes falling to Bakugou's large wrists. “You’re not wearing the courting bracelet she made for you anymore”

His words caused a whimper to leave Katsukis throat. Kirishima had no idea what kind of pain that reminder brought to Bakugou, but he could guess. The way the blonds hands clenched and brows furrowed made Kirishima's heart drop, he hated bringing up things that could hurt Katsuki. But he could only fix the problem if he knew what was wrong, and for that he needed Bakugou to talk to him.

“Did, did you guys break up?” Kirishima kept his distance, afraid of what Bakugou would do once he snapped out of his trance. But all Bakugou did was begin to shake, blinking furiously as he became aware of his surroundings once again along with the hot tears that flooded his eyes. Kirishima ran towards his friend then, placing a hand on the other alphas shoulder in a hope to be any bit comforting without overwhelming his friend. He analyzed the way Bakugous nose scrunched, causing his large canines to show as the first sob burst out of his trembling frame. It was so powerful that the blond lost his balance, falling into the stunned redheads arms. Face tucked into his friends chest, shielded from the attention his sobs were bringing from his entire class.

“Bakugou…” Kirishima ran his hands up and down Bakugous back gently feeling the way the blond fisted his shirt in desperation, “What happened? You can tell me.”

“I’m a terrible alpha,” Bakugous voice was shaky and Kirishima almost felt guilty at how relieved he was to hear it. “No you’re not man, wha-” “Yes I am!” Bakugous voice reached the same volume as his sobs that interrupted his speech. “She thought that I was going to destroy her nest, she was scared of me. I was supposed to defend her when really I’m the one she wanted protection from.”

Krishima didn’t know how to respond to what his friend said. Eyes too wide in confusion as he looked towards his teacher for answers. You had always been absolutely smitten with Bakugou, just his presence in the room made it seem like you radiated love and positivity. It didn’t seem that Bakugou needed any further encouragement to continue though, as his next statement sent ice down the spines of the whole class.

“I failed as an alpha… I don’t want to be alive anymore.” All Bakugou wanted to do in that moment was curl up and die. He didn’t have a purpose anymore, so he didn’t see the point of existing. It was then that his body seemed to shut back down in order to conserve energy, he began to slack in Kirishima's arms leaving him sitting on the ground despite the redheads' many protests. The revelation of how his best friend felt bringing tears to his own eyes, and a recognition to his teachers.

“Aizawa, what's happening to Bakugou?” Kirishima asked, struggling to hold himself together as he knelt in front of his friend. Bakugou’s eyes seemed more void of life than ever as he stared aimlessly at Kirishima's shirt.

“Someone call Recovery Girl, I fear that Bakugou has developed an Alpha depression.”

***

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angstsfordays · 4 years ago

Text

Beautiful Pain (7)

Chapter Seven- Gone

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced! Reader

Summary: Post-Blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the Blip.

Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.

That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-Blip world.

Chapter synopsis: In your pursuit of Karli and her group, unexpected revelations come to light. Lines are now crossed and that there is no turning back.

Warnings: Violence. Angst. A bit of language. Maybe a tear-inducing moment?

Word count: 5k

Notes: In celebration of the last ep, today is a double release! 🥳 We are already at the 7th chapter of this series. It also has covered one of the most climactic episodes of the TFATWS series and wow, I can't believe we are here! 😱

I have yet to see the last episode but I have plans to do it tonight. I thought I could put it off until I finish writing for ep 5 but I couldn't wait. This would help me to plan the direction I want to come for the upcoming chapters. 😌 Hope y’all will stick to this series despite the show has ended. 😅

Please let me know what you think of the series so far! ��🙏🏼

The tag list is still open! Let me know if you want to join with a message or comment in the chapters!

Next: Chapter Eight

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With Zemo’s inside information, all of you were heading to Donya’s ceremony in hopes to find Karli. You weren’t sure what to do knowing that you had secured a possible chance with Dovich to talk to Karli.

Grabbing your blazer, you made the move to join your group when you were greeted by the sight of John and Lemar walking towards you all.

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you to pull this shit.” John thought it fit to lecture your group. You were walking beside Sam when you heard Bucky sarcastically questioning John on how he managed to locate your group.

All of your annoyance grew as John decided he doesn’t want to miss out on the action given his new status and hence, responsibility as- urgh you don’t even want to say call him that title in your head.

“Come on, man. You don’t think three Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing too much attention?” Lemar responded in kind.

John in all his fear of missing out started to question why you all had broken Zemo out of prison. Bucky patronizingly mentioned that Zemo broke himself out technically but John grew more irritated at not being taken seriously.

John’s higher than thou self was drawing attention with his loud talk and Sam had to cut him off. Zemo explained that he knew of Karli’s location and indicated continuing on his tracks before being stopped by John.

Sam went on ahead to explain that Karli would most likely be at Donya’s memorial and interception would take place there. Lemar noted the risks of casualties give n that civilians would be present.

John seeming pleased with the information started talking of a plan to take Karli in by surprise. This plan of ambush didn’t sit well with Sam and he proposed to talk to her alone. John refused, saying he didn’t want the possibility of losing Karli again.

Sam countered back that it was the best timing to reason with her, as she was now feeling vulnerable with someone dear to her loss. John vehemently rebuffed Sam’s proposal and claimed that reasoning with Karli was not an option, given that she had bombed a building with people in it.

Lemar, who you observed to be more level-headed than John ever would be chimed in that Sam could be attacked without any backup.

“And if I go in hot and the ops go wrong, more people will die,” Sam stated firmly.

“Sam is right.” Everyone turned to you and you continued to speak. “Look-” You shook in disbelief as you were about to break the promise you had with Dovich but you knew the situation called for it.

“I met with one of Karli’s guys.” All of the men were stunned at your revelation and you could see the betrayal on Bucky’s face more so than the rest.

“When was this?” He spoke up first as he looked on at you in disappointment.

“When we were out fishing for information on Donya, I miraculously spotted him on the streets and followed him. We talked.”

“And you didn’t bring him in?!” John accused as if you had done something terribly wrong. Bucky turned to give John the stink eye before going back to you.

“Why would you keep this from us at all?” Bucky couldn’t believe that you would have kept this information from him of all of the people.

“I promised him, he was going to talk to Karli for me after the memorial. He was our best chance to persuade Karli rather than go in by ourselves. We might not even have a shot.” You defended your actions.

“And how was he so agreeable to your request?” Bucky asked disdainfully. You didn’t like his judgmental stare at you, like as if he couldn’t believe you managed this feat.

“I saved him before back when we all fought the Flag Smashers on the truck. I convinced him with sincerity, happy?” You snapped back at the brooding super-soldier. Sam witnessing the once again tense exchange between the two of you intervened and spoke.

“That’s good, Y/N. Well done.”

“He said that he would only have me speak to Karli but I think you should do it, Sam. I can do talk to him again once he contacts me. You are the best one of us to do it.” You knew of Sam’s experiencing with counselling soldiers dealing with trauma and knew that he would do a better job to talk to Karli.

Sam was encouraged at your support for him and pulled you into a side hug which you returned gladly to him too. Bucky grew irritated at how your relationship with him was continuing to sour and began to feel disheartened. John being the thorn in your side still did not relent in his opinion.

“Are you gonna let your partner walk into a room with a super-soldier alone?” John continued to harp on the matter.

“He dealt with worse and he’s not my partner.” Bucky curtly answered.

“I trust Sam, he’s more capable than you think.” You chimed in. Bucky gave you a brief warm look as the two of you had put your differences aside for a moment to agree on Sam’s competency.

When Lemar asked John to give this plan a chance, you could see the latter wavering on his stance. It seemed his soft spot for his partner and friend worked. The men still thought it was better to go for the memorial straight as they were not sure if Dovich could hold up his end of the promise.

You showed hesitation but decided to give in, knowing that you were outnumbered. Zemo led the group to approach a little girl and you could see him giving some money to the girl in exchange for the revelation of Donya’s memorial.

You all were soon directed to an old building and the little girl pointed up to a stairway before going off. Sam gave you a nod before making his way first.

John took it upon himself to cuff Zemo before stopping Sam, informing him that he only had ten minutes with Karli. You had it with his bossy attitude and wanted to throw a punch in his face.

As the time passed in the room, it was silent. Everyone took a spot to wait but John was pacing up and down. Bucky positioned himself near the door while you took a spot opposite Lemar.

Your eyes glanced nervously to Bucky, suddenly feeling all weird and awkward. You never had this feeling in a long time. The only time you felt his way was when you had just started living with him as you two were on the run and in hiding.

The sudden comfort and ease you had with him seemed to vanish with your first fight as you would call it.

“Hey, uh-now it’s not really the time…” Your attention to Lemar who was now speaking at you directly. Giving a surprising look at his unexpected conversation starter, you listened intently.

“I really am a fan of yours.” Your mouth opened slightly in surprise at his revelation. Tilting your head to the side, you gave him a quizzical look.

“Just thought your powers are really cool. I was amazed to see them in action back in Germany.” You weren’t sure how to react but nodded shyly and thanked him. Bucky couldn’t believe what transgressed in front of him.

Peering over to see you with a bashful expression, he couldn’t help to grow irritated out of jealousy.

“Were you born with them?” Lemar inquired politely and you nodded in response. Lemar had another look of wonder before continuing to ask.

“That’s extraordinary.” You shrugged your shoulders as you didn’t know what to respond. Sure, you know your powers were to be envied but you didn’t think of yourself holier.

“It’s nothing to be envied. I find more respect for people who are able to do extraordinary things without such advantages.“ Your humility gained a deepened sense of admiration from Lemar. “Thank you for your service.” Throwing a smile in his way, yours grew wider as Lemar returned one your way.

Eyes looking over to John, you gave a slight brief nod before looking away. You also had to acknowledge his contributions but you didn’t like him as much so that was the best you could do.

Minutes passed again before John grew more impatient by the second.

“No no no, this is a bad idea.” He started whispering to himself as he shook his head fervently.

“It hasn’t been ten minutes, John. Just sit tight.” Bucky noted with a huff.

“Don’t patronize me.” You could see John getting fed up with Bucky. Walking towards the other end of the room from where Bucky was, John stood to look at the clock and you saw the determination in his eyes. “That’s it. I am going in.”

“Woah, back down mister. You’re being too rash.” Moving to the side to block his path, you held up a hand to stop him from moving.

“And you’re being too relaxed.” He seethed impatiently at your interception. As his hands laid on your shoulders to move you physically, Bucky immediately went to snatch his hand away.

You felt yourself being shifted backwards and towards Bucky before he took a step in front of you. Both men puffed up their chests in dominance and looked at each other with distaste.

“This is all really easy for you two, isn’t it?” John’s eyes moved to yours before landing back at Bucky. “All those serum and powers running through your veins…”

“Your partner needs backup in there. Are you really going to have Sam’s blood on your hands?” John enunciated each word of his last sentence strongly to pressure you.

In a matter of seconds, John looked at the opening Bucky gave when he came to protect you and went for it. He quickly made his way to where Sam and Karli were.

You saw the look of distraught and betrayal on Karli’s face before she lunged for John and knocked him and Sam over. She immediately made a run for it with Bucky hot on her trail. Helping Sam up, you two made your way to back Bucky up.

The big building was an unfamiliar maze and the three of you tried to find Karli’s location. Hearing the sounds of crashing and gunshots, you all tried your best to follow the sounds to the exact location.

When you arrived at the door, you opened it to see Zemo knocked out cold on the floor. John was already at the scene and Lemar just joined a few moments later. The little pieces of glass with unknown blue residues confirmed your suspicions on what they were.

Oh god.

-------------------------//---------------------------

“I deal with the power broker when the time comes,” Karli reassured the two men were worried about fighting two wars with both the power broker and Sam’s group.

“And I know a way we can deal with Sam without getting involved in a direct fight.” Karli intended. Nico and Dovich exchanged a brief look before Dovich asked how they were able to do so.

“We separate them. And then we kill Captain America.” Karli’s intentions didn’t sit well with Nico but he maintained a neutral expression. Dovich sat on the thought for a moment and remembered about you

“Hey look, Sam’s group is an odd mix but I don’t think they mean any harm. Except for Zemo, of course.”

With furrowed brows, Karli indicated for Dovich to explain himself. Dovich decided to speak about the earlier encounter he had with the Avenger.

“I talked with Y/N prior and she promised that she didn’t want any bloodshed.” Karli scoffed at her friend’s words and shook her head in disbelief. How was Dovich so trustful of you?

“That’s what Sam said too. But guess how it turned out.” She retorted with her own example to show how your group couldn’t be trusted.

“She’s not like that. I believe her, she can be trusted.” Dovich insisted. Karli and Nico were curious as to why was their friend was pushing for you.

“What’s gotten into you, Dovich? Why are you defending her?”

“Karli, she saved my life back in Germany. Her actions then spoke louder given she only met us for the first time.”

“She’s still loyal to her group. She’s loyal to the Avengers.” Karli continued to put down Dovich’s vouch for you. He then decided to change his tactics.

“I think she can be convinced to join our group. Imagine if she stood on our side, we would be unstoppable.” Karli looked up in interest as she considered the possibility of you fighting for their cause. Indeed, with your powers, the Flag Smashers would become a force to be reckoned with.

“That’s impossible.” Karli tried to reason with the fact that you were still with the enemy and you wouldn’t be turned so easily. She knew of your history and how you were loyal to a fault for Bucky Barnes. Would you so easily leave your friends to join them?

“She empathises with our cause. She said so herself.” Dovich added in finality, hoping that Karli could be convinced.

“Hmm, we’ll see about that.”

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Your head was spinning from earlier events and you came back to the common room once you had a quick shut-eye upstairs. You could hear Bucky and Sam bantering about the same old topic on Steve’s shield.

You also heard Bucky’s comments about Walker and shook your head in disbelief at how inherently frustrating the man was. What could have been a successful peace talk with Karli was ruined by his brashness to display his authority.

The door burst open behind you and you looked over to see John coming in with Lemar, demanding for all of you to turn Zemo in. Sam took charge of the situation and put John in his place, stating he had been nothing but a thwart in your plans.

John being the arrogant pick he was tried to size up Sam, mocking him by saying he could put down the shield to make it fair for the both of them. You were fuming with the blatant disrespect that John was showing.

Before you could take another step, a familiar spear swooped in and lodged itself in the pillar near John. The familiar sounds of metal clanging let you know who was arriving and you saw familiar Dora Milajae members walking into the room.

Understanding the Wakandan words that were being spoken, you knew the Dora Milajae were here for Zemo.

John being the arrogant prick that he was, was proud to introduce himself as Captain America. An awkward silence ensued when they didn’t return a response. Sam tried to help John out by advising him that he should be careful to step on the Dora Milajae’s toes.

Ignoring Sam’s words, John went on to tell the Dora Milajae that they had no jurisdictions it had little effect when Ayo refuted his claims. Seeing John scoff before taking a step towards Ayo to place his hand on her shoulder, you immediately winced once Ayo swiftly knocked John down in three moves.

The scene in front of you unfolded quickly as John were quick to fight against the Dora Milajae and Lemar even stepped in to help his partner out. Seeing how the two men were hopelessly struggling with the warriors caused you to cringe in embarrassment.

“We should do something,” Sam said as he had the same sentiments as you.

“Looking strong, John.” Bucky commentated sarcastically with his arms crossed as if he was fine with how things were.

“Bucky….” Sam said in a nagging tone, as if Bucky was a child who did not want to do his chores. You looked over to give him a nod to say that Bucky should indeed step in before John really gets pummelled.

“Ayo, let’s talk about this”. Bucky stepped forward to intervene. Looking to the side, you saw one of the Dora aiming to give Lemar a blow before Sam stepped in. She managed to knock Sam down onto the couch and you knew it was your chance to step up.

You refused to use your powers with the Doras so you held your hands up to negotiate with them.

“Spare him, please.” You pleaded on Lemar’s behalf. The Dora withheld her weapon as she looked over you, recognising you from your Wakandan days. She left you

A sound of metal dropping caught your attention as you saw Bucky’s arm falling limply on the ground. His astonished expression accompanied by pain at Ayo’s disarm of his arm also brought you a shock.

In the midst of the chaos, you found that Zemo had disappeared. Ayo went to open the bathroom door and checked the room. She stated that Zemo was gone.

Ayo stated that their business was finished here and they would take their leave first. You helped Lemar up before walking over to Bucky who picked up his vibranium arm in disbelief.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asked and Bucky shook his head in response. You bit your lips as you weren’t sure what to say.

In an attempt to comfort him, you reached over to give his shoulder a squeeze. Bucky was glad that your previous enmity towards him seemed to be gone and your interactions seemed to be back to normal.

“They were not even super soldiers.” Hearing John’s dismay at his utter defeat, you almost felt bad for him. Sam gave him a once over as John stood up, acting he was fine before leaving with Lemar.

The three of you left couldn’t believe Zemo made his grand escape even with all of you in the room.

-------------------------//---------------------------

The three of you were making your way out in search of Zemo until Sam received a call from his sister. Apparently, Karli called Sarah as a strong message to Sam. Karli threatened to involve Sam’s nephews if Sam didn’t do as she said.

Your head shook in disbelief, you believed Karli to be different. To hear that she was pulling such a tactic changed your initial opinion of her. Sam received a message to meet her alone but you and Bucky wouldn’t let him go in alone.

Once the three of you suited up, you all made your way to the location. Entering the open plaza in the building, Sam called for Karli and you saw her head popped into view. You all made your way to her level.

You let Sam approached her while Bucky and you put yourselves at the side. Sam called her out for trying to involve his family but Karli replied that she would never harm them. Her eyes moved to where you and Bucky stood, noting aloud that Sam didn’t come alone as intended.

Karli reiterated that she never wanted to hurt Sam and that he was just a tool in the regimes she vowed to destroy. Killing Sam would be meaningless to her.

“I was gonna ask you to join me. And maybe Y/N back there. Dovich has spoken highly of you.” Seeing your eyes widened in surprise at the offer, Karli smirked before continuing.

“You could do better than them. You would be welcomed and appreciated within our circle. I know of your loss, your grief with the rest of your original team gone. You can find purpose with us.” You stepped forward as if her words were drawing you in.

Sam and Bucky were at a sudden loss at your movement. They didn’t think you would even process Karli’s proposal and were curious to know what you were about to do.

“Karli, I resonate with your cause.” Your words took your friends by surprise. Were you really going to switch sides?

“But I don’t approve of what you did back at the depot. I thought better of you.” You expressed your stance on the matter. Karli scoffed before giving her reply. “Don’t give me that. I don’t need your approval.”

“Shedding blood is never an option for me.” You stood your ground firmly.

“Fine, I admit my mistake. If you join us, I will make sure there would not be lives cost.” Karli tried to coat her words in favour of you.

She knew that she would do whatever was necessary for her to achieve her goals and even if it were to pretend to pander to your moral values, she was willing to give it a try if it meant she could have you switch sides.

Seeing your conflicted dilemma, Karli egged on. “Is it because of him?” She nodded back to Bucky. You looked over your shoulder to see him equally You looked at her with a perplexed look before she smirked once more.

“I read up about you. You came into his defence when he was accused of a crime he didn’t commit. You revealed your powers publicly and that got you thrown into the raft. Ever since he has been pardoned, you had been with him all this time.” You didn’t know where Karli was going with this but her next sentence finally made you understood.

“This only means one thing. You like him, don’t you? He’s the one holding you back.”

“No! What are you talking about?” You spoke through gritted teeth at how she chose to play this out. How could she expose you like this? Your ears burned with embarrassment at the revelation that stunned both Sam and Bucky.

What was Karli implying exactly? Bucky looked over to see you visibly shaking in anger and he was taken aback by how Karli’s words affected you.

“Even now, I see the way you are looking at him. At how angry you are now? You mad that your secret crush is out in the open?” You looked up to see Karli’s smug face and you controlled your energy from bursting through your hands.

“Stop your bullshit. Don’t act like you know me!”

“Please, I am letting you know that he is not worth it. You would do so much better for yourself if you join our cause.” Karli retorted and you hated how she acted like she knew what was best for you when she barely knew her.

Sam always had an inkling that there could be more from your relationship with Bucky but he kept silent on the matter out of respect. He knew that it was best to leave you figuring things out on your own.

He recalled how he had caught you and Bucky in an intimate moment back in the club at Madripoor and figured you two were more than it seemed on a friendship level.

Seeing Karli use such an approach to almost taunting you in the context of persuasion didn’t sit well with him. His inner big brother wanted to come out to defend you.

Meanwhile, Bucky was appalled to learn of everything from your exchange with Karli. Was it possible that you had liked him all this while?

When he talked to you about Madripoor earlier, he remembered your pained expression when he tried to void what happened between the two of you.

Was it because you were hurt by his denial? He must have sounded like the world’s biggest jerk. If you really liked him, he would imagine you being heartbroken from what he had said.

“He is worth everything.” Your very statement made Bucky looked back up in shock. No way would he ever thought you would like him in that way. He thought you were just being the kind-hearted and empathetic person that you always are to follow a guy like him.

Quick flashbacks came to him as he realized that you had always been by his side from breaking free of HYDRA to being on the run, following the Avengers civil war, his time in Wakanda, the fight with Thanos, Steve's leaving, his pardon after the Blip and up to now.

It dawned upon Bucky that he had taken you for granted. If you were gone right now, he could only imagine that he would possibly go the deep end.

“He is the most important person in my life and you don’t get to talk about him like that when you don’t even know him.” You asserted with renewed confidence. You figured while this situation wasn't ideal, it was the moment you had to tell your truth.

Looking back, you met Bucky with a small smile.

Bucky’s heart soared at what you had just said. To be regarded as your most important person was the thing that he never knew he needed.

You knew that your words inadvertently had answered the pressing question on Bucky’s mind. Karli knew she had failed to get to you after the answer and decided to lose her shot with you.

You hear Sam picking up something on his comms, stating that it was Walker. Karli was alerted and decided to make a move first. Bucky immediately jumped off as soon as he saw Karli doing the same.

You lifted yourself off and saw Sam knocking Karli over before he turned to Bucky, telling him that he would send him the location. You didn’t have time to say anything to Bucky, he only gave you a look of understanding before you both knew that there were more pressing matters at hand.

Sam nodded to you before you did the same and you followed him as he took off.

-------------------------//---------------------------

You sent a blast towards the glass ceiling before you and Sam landed in the building. A crash was heard next when you recognised Dovich to be the one that was crashing. You looked to see John walking into view and your mind scrambled to analyse what was going on.

Dovich went ahead to use a metal pipe against John, but John pushed back and even bent the pipe into half like a rubber hose.

“Oh shit,” Dovich uttered before John sent him flying to where you stood. As Dovich looked up at you, you eyed him to go and heard Sam speak up.

“What did you do?” John didn’t answer the question and informed that the Flag Smashers had Lemar. Growing a soft spot despite your brief interaction, your heart dropped when you realised that Lemar was in danger.

John went ahead first before Sam followed behind. You placed your hand on Sam’s arm to pause for a moment, looking at Sam anxiously.

“Sam, I think he took one of the serums.” He nodded grimly at your words, indicating that he shared the thought too.

The two of you followed John where you were all ambushed by a member of the Flag Smashers. All of you tried to fend yourselves and you soon see Bucky joining the scene.

You were met face to face with Dovich. You gave him a look that said you were reluctant but had no choice to fight him.

He took you on and you tried your best to avoid his quick moves. You shot multiple non-fatal blasts at him to knock him over. He was doing his best to keep up with the speed at which you were throwing your blasts.

In the next split second, you sent two direct blasts to his chest that knocked the wind out of his chest. The following moment, you heard a loud collision and you looked to see Lemar crashed against a stone pillar.

A loud gasp escaped your lips as you realised what had just happened. Lemar’s head fell slightly as you saw him lost consciousness. John immediately walked over to his partner and repeatedly tap him to wake him up.

You swallowed heavily as seconds passed and Lemar had no reaction. John called Lemar’s name over and over to no avail. You see John looking back his shoulder and directing his line of sight on you.

“Do something!” He cried out to you. You were at a loss for words as you didn’t know what he wanted you to do. You looked over to see Sam and Bucky equally stunned at what had occurred.

“I read your file. You brought someone back to life before!” You knew what John was referring to but you didn’t know if it could even work.

“I can’t, my powers don’t work like that-” Your powers came from your life force so you were able to transfer it to someone to regain theirs. However, you only did it once and it was because someone was dying of hypothermia. It was a different situation from Lemar’s.

“Please! I’m begging you! He’s everything to me!” John’s desperate plea touched you, knowing that he had said similar words to what you had said before about Bucky. You understood his plight and made quick steps to where he was.

Everyone looked upon the scene as you crouched down to your knees. You gave John a wary look before you brought your hands to Lemar who was lying in John’s arms.

Summoning your energy into your palms, you placed them on Lemar’s chest as if you were using a defibrillator. You pumped several sets of energy into Lemar while John patted him for a reaction.

When Lemar still showed no signs of life, the look of defeat on John’s face broke your heart. Tears start welling in your eyes as you looked at Lemar’s lifeless body. You saw Karli and her group starting to make a run for it.

Sam and Bucky made a chase for her immediately. John handed Lemar over to you before he sprinted for the window in front of you.

You could see the look of vengeance on his face and knew it didn’t bode well. You gently laid Lemar on the ground before waving your hand with your energy flames and placed it on where his heart was.

Rest in peace.

Your energy flames dissipated into his uniform and you stood up to follow behind John. You managed to catch him chasing after one of the Flag Smashers ahead of you. He was throwing his shield with brute force to knock the guy on his feet. You saw how the man was pleading for his life, claiming that he was not the one who killed Lemar.

John placed a foot to hold the man who was flailing his arms desperately. In a blink of an eye, he brought down the very shield that was used to protect people onto the man.

“NOOOOOOO!” You cried out in an attempt for John to stop his actions but it was too late.

Your eyes widened in unbelievable shock at what just transpired. When John lifted up the shield, you saw the blood that stained the legacy of the shield- Steve’s legacy.

You turned to see that a crowd was formed and people held out their phones to record what had happened. It didn’t sit well with you to know that in a matter of seconds, the whole world would also be watching this horrific scene too.

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Tag list: @tanyaherondale @spookycereal-s @cataves @archaeoheart @conflicted-noxsirius @archaeoheart @idiotinnit @anxious-stitcher @lindseyrae20 @mads-weasley

#bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #marvel fanfiction #beautiful pain #angstsfordays #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes

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shihalyfie · 3 years ago

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Comparing the original Best Partner character song series and the new one, and what that says about the 02 cast

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So if you haven’t heard yet, a new series of 02 (it’s actually Kizuna) character songs dropped! Allegedly intended as a slightly delayed 20th anniversary project, the series is a callback to the original “Best Partner” character song album series that released during 02′s actual airing.

If you know anything about the original Best Partner series, it’s one that sets an insanely high bar, even for Digimon standards (and that’s saying something, given the deep associations this franchise has with music). The series of character songs before it, Adventure’s “Character Song + Mini Drama” series, has a…kind of questionable amount of relevance to each character; it’s not like they’re super amazingly out of character, but they don’t really tell you a lot about each character beyond some gloss details (this is probably best demonstrated in how Mimi’s song is blatantly just an AiM single disguised as a Mimi song). Best Partner, on the other hand, very intimately goes into each character’s head and their relationships with their respective partners, even putting in direct words what wasn’t stated explicitly in the series.

So does the new series live up to the high bar its predecessor sets? Answer: on top of some abnormal attention to detail on the covers, it is very obvious that the new series not only has a lot of the depth of the 02 characters in mind, but also is made in direct response to the original series itself. Moreover, putting the original Best Partner series and this one side by side reveals a lot about each of the 02 characters and what they got out of 02′s story, in a surprisingly neat summary.

Let’s go into how!

Since this is something that has a deep relationship with all of these characters in regards to the series, this particular meta would not have been possible without input from multiple people who know these characters better than I could ever hope to by myself. Thank you for all of your help.

A bit of historical context

The original Best Partner series consisted of a set of albums, one representing each pair of partners in 02. Notably, even though nowadays there’s a specific order of the Adventure/02 characters that’s used in modern media, not only does the original series not follow that ordering (as it hadn’t been set in stone at the time), it also leads with the original Adventure characters and not the 02 ones, which is pretty unusual for a series that’s ostensibly supposed to be for 02 (modern lineups will usually favor leading with whichever group the relevant product is branded with).

A lot of this probably makes more sense when you realize that the original Best Partner series was released during the first half of 02’s airing. The final album was released on August 23, 2000, four days before the fateful 02 episode 21 (yes, that means the third track on Ken and Wormmon’s album is actually a spoiler). So in other words, while the original Best Partner series accurately reflects the older Adventure group’s character development and what problems they were able to sufficiently overcome, the 02 group does not have anything about their character development from 02′s second half reflected in it at all.

That’s actually a really huge disparity, when you think about it, especially because a lot happened with the 02 group in that second half – that second half was where the emotional payoff and the results of everything that had been building up over that first half came together. So in comparison to the Adventure group, composed of people confidently talking about what they’ve decided for themselves from now on, you still have the 02 group drenched pretty deeply in insecurity. Watch 02 to the end and listen to those songs again, and you might even think “wait, this is supposed to represent these characters?” So, in essence, the new Best Partner series serves to address that gap, and what the 02 group gained and learned out of 02′s second half.

Best Partner (and its successor series for Tamers, Best Tamers) follows a uniform format: a solo song for the human partner, a solo song for the Digimon partner, and a duet between the two. (Given that, the original Best Partner series was really huge, at a whole 36 songs.) Recalling that, in the Adventure universe, a Digimon partner reflects the human’s inner self and psyche, it’s pretty extensive coverage: what the human has to say about themself, what place their Digimon partner is in relative to that, and what the nature of their relationship is due to that.

Let’s go into each pair of partners in detail!

Daisuke and V-mon

For those who love 02 and love Daisuke in particular, when you ask “what kind of character is Daisuke like?” or “what’s Daisuke’s best quality?”, you’re probably going to get answers like “forward-thinking” or “positive” or “good at uplifting others” – basically everything to do with how Daisuke is an encouraging presence who doesn’t give in easily and has a strong mentality of moving forward in the face of despair. Someone who appreciates and understands others’ best qualities, and loves them for everything they are. So when you look at his original Best Partner solo song, Goggle Boy…

But more than just saving the world I really don’t want to lose, you know

…Uh…

These goggles are my proof Given by a certain someone to me The precious thing he handed over It’s just like his Crest, you know Aren’t they cool?

…Well, that’s nowhere to be found.

This is the kind of song that might make you think “wait, this is supposed to be Daisuke’s representative song?!” (It’s possibly because of this that Daisuke’s song from The Bridge to Dreams, Tomorrow, generally tended to be far more favored among Daisuke fans, although it’s more relevant to 02 as a whole than it is to Daisuke in particular.) if you listen to Goggle Boy knowing about what Daisuke’s best qualities should be, this is almost a little frustrating, because this is the kind of thing he really shouldn’t be pigeonholed as – basically, begging for others’ approval and praise and focusing on idolizing others. Even his most insightful moments in this song come from his appreciation of something that came from someone else (Taichi), not from himself.

Well, the thing is, that was Daisuke’s character for most of the first half of 02. Of course, even in early episodes, there were many times where Daisuke’s potential for positivity and forward-thinkingness were starting to poke through, but most of the time he was rolling over trying to please others and chasing after his seniors. The real period of time he started to grow into his own about this was 02 episode 24 and its aftermath – when his time spent with his friends started to fill the void in his life and his need for validation, and the escalating situation, especially with Ken, led him to have a proper grasp of what was properly important and what needed to be done.

So when we get to his new solo, RUNNING MAN…

I’ll keep on running far ahead Let’s bring everyone along with me, today, too Really, always, thank you, Thank you so much Riding the wind, going past the sky Grasping your hands and flying I’m even starting to see beyond my dreams

Even in only one section, you can get an instant image of the Motomiya Daisuke we all know and love – someone who appreciates his friends’ role in his life, loves their company, and moves positively towards the future. Because, again, after the events of 02, and after being able to bond further with his friends and gaining his own strengths in leading everyone forward, he became able to more properly express his love for everything instead of constantly vying for others’ attention. Even the title reflects the change, from a “boy” who’s flashing the symbol of courage he got from someone else, to a “man” who’s positively running forward on his own merits.

(Interestingly, RUNNING MAN is composed by Ohta Michihiko, a legendary composer who’s made many of some of the most important songs in the franchise, and also composed many of the original Best Partner songs, including Goggle Boy. It’s interesting how RUNNING MAN is the one most like the original songs in atmosphere as a result – possibly representing how Daisuke is a simple-minded person who ostensibly doesn’t change drastically in disposition – yet has lyrical content that’s so starkly different.)

As a result, this is subtly reflected in the other two songs in each album as well – remember that V-mon is one of the partners who most “matches” his own partner in terms of disposition and mentality. So as Daisuke shifted his own priorities, V-mon did too; we go from Go Ahead! being about taking a stand and fighting, whereas Beyond the Future is about a similar forward-thinking mentality to Daisuke’s.

Likewise, the duets have different priorities as well; 2-TOP was composed of Daisuke and V-mon bickering for the most of it, and the most substantial point you could get about it was that despite their bickering, they made it work, whereas HEY-rasshai! has them almost entirely in sync (with one minor moment of deviance). It’s also interesting to see the topics covered in each; 2-TOP is about soccer, which ultimately is revealed to be a fairly incidental hobby for Daisuke, whereas HEY-rasshai! is about ramen making, which, while comical, also has a very strong tie to “Daisuke’s dream for the future, and his willingness to single-mindedly dedicate himself to something when it’s something he truly wants”. In other words, while Daisuke knew what he wanted since elementary school, it says a lot that he’s at a point where he and V-mon are now taking proactive steps to have that dream achieved, now that they’re able.

Ken and Wormmon

Like with his position in 02 itself, Ken’s is probably the easiest to see the contrast without trying too hard, but there’s still quite a lot to unpack!

When you think about it, in the modern era, it’s actually surprisingly hard to find stuff too relevant to Ken’s time as the Kaiser. The reason is, simply, that the series itself discourages this – Ken himself had an obvious aversion to dwelling too much on it, and the entire series itself has a strong theme of “moving on”. It’s not to say that the Kaiser doesn’t have a fanbase (I’m sorry if you’re reading this and find that I might be implying too hard that you don’t exist), but rather that there’s a franchise and fanart tendency to focus more on “Ken-chan” than “the Kaiser” these days, and old merch from the first half of the series will all too often get responses of “it’s really sad Ken-chan can’t be there…” Of course, 02 itself was also about accepting one’s mistakes, not pretending they never happened, so it’d be foolhardy to deny Ken’s dark history entirely, but it’s retroactively interesting to see such a prominent and persistent piece of merch like Ken and Wormmon’s original Best Partner album focus so largely on Ken’s time as the Kaiser when most of the franchise ended up trying to move on.

Starting with Ken’s solo songs, and his first one, ONLY ONE:

I’ve lived without showing my true feelings, wearing this mask

Well, this was easy to tell from the series itself, but the point driven home is that Ken didn’t want to expose his true self to others, putting on a front of “strength” and smashing his true feelings into the corner so that he could become more of the “perfect” person he thought he was supposed to be. There’s also another interesting line that one should pay attention to:

I polished the knife in my heart and put my belief in infinite power

Basically, putting up a defensive front to prevent anything from approaching his weaknesses.

Anyway, moving onto his new song, Never Ending:

If I want to be proud of tomorrow’s version of myself I wonder, what can I do? Never Give-up I’ll keep fighting, even doing someone else’s part No, I won’t be afraid anymore

First of all, the main theme of the song is about putting conscious thought into understanding how to stay true to himself – basically, understanding what it is he really wants to do and become, instead of putting on fronts and hiding it from others. Not only that, we see traces of what exactly he gained over the course of the second half of 02 – because so much of it involved constantly trying to blame himself for everything, this song is about what he came to learn in terms of proactively making it up and actively fighting forward. He’s working hard!

We also have this part:

The knife that’s pointed at someone, or at myself If it’s been let go of

Two things going on here: firstly, we have an explicit reference to the metaphorical “knife” Ken referred to putting up in ONLY ONE, talking about finally letting it go instead of bothering with this kind of front. He also points out that, in a sense, the knife was pointed at himself too, either in the sense of actually having hurt himself through this entire ideal, or in the sense that he constantly was trying to blame and punish himself for everything. None of that should be necessary anymore. Moreover, Never Ending contains a lot of references to “daily life” and the happiness that comes with the simplicity of just being alive – because that was indeed what Ken gained through his experiences, the ability to treasure living life in itself instead of aspiring to an impossible standard.

Another interesting thing about Never Ending is that it’s technically in a similar rock genre to ONLY ONE instead of being “soft”, like Ken’s personality is often thought to be. This was a surprise to a lot of people who commented on how surprisingly “cool” the song was, but this is actually completely in line with Ken arguably being one of the most openly assertive people in this group even after his reformation. Note that it’s very difficult to call this song purely angsty – it’s definitely positive and forward-thinking, and the chorus itself is partially in major key – but it has the vibe of someone who’s fully aware of everything that’s happened, is putting proper thought into it, and is pushing on despite everything. Remember, the intensity the Kaiser had originally came from somewhere; Ichijouji Ken is the same person, in the end.

In regards to Wormmon’s song, the contrast is also obvious: The Future You Dreamed of, the Future I Dreamed Of. is of course about Wormmon’s tormented feelings during the Kaiser’s abusive relationship with him, whereas can change it! is about its aftermath and how they made up (including copious references to the events of 02 episode 23). Even then, there’s a certain “forward-thinking” attitude that marks this song as being representative of being after 02’s events and not during – see the line “The mistake we made that day/is exactly the reason we’ll never let it happen again”, instead of the self-punishment and shame Stingmon expressed in 02 episode 26).

On top of that, the duet song Forever Adolescence also marks a subtle progression from the point they were at from True Strength – remembering that Best Partner 12 was released at a time when True Strength was actually a bit of a spoiler, while Ken and Wormmon obviously had made up by that point, the key line in it is still “everything truly begins from here”. So what, exactly, happened after that? According to Forever Adolescence, the decision made was to keep moving forward, and, moreover, to stay “the way they are”, especially with the nuance that it means it’s okay to not force oneself into the role of an adult and stay “young at heart”. This is really, really important in light of the events of Kizuna, the 02 group’s unusual role in it and its relevance to 02′s themes (more on this below), and how Spring 2003 referred to the pressure placed on Osamu as him being “forced to grow up too quickly” – in essence, Ken and Wormmon have firmly resolved to actively move away from that kind of pressure.

Miyako and Hawkmon

I’ve pointed out several times on this blog that the actual complex Miyako was going through in 02 was that she hated herself more than anyone else in the group would be willing to criticize her – and if you don’t believe me, it’s put in a pretty heavy-handed manner in her original song, Crash and Bingo!:

Fussing about it won’t get anything done But my selfishness and problems and panic keep coming out

…and even more viciously in her own and Hawkmon’s duet, Fly High:

I can’t do anything right, besides playing around with computers

Everyone would be still be fine if I weren’t there

If you thought it was subtle in the main series, it certainly isn’t here: Miyako considered herself good for absolutely nothing and unable to be accepted by others for being too useless – in these songs, despite Hawkmon’s attempts to uplift her, she criticizes her own messy tendencies and considers herself a burden. Best Partner is a positive series, so it still has the attitude of “we’ll try anyway”, but it’s clear that Miyako really didn’t have the highest opinion of herself at all. Hence, Fly High also shows off the worst of Hawkmon having to deal with the fallout – with Miyako flailing around in panic and considering herself good for nothing, he’s forced to carry her around.

But come Miyako’s new solo, From Spain with Love!, we see a huge contrast all over the place:

I, who have evolved into an adult make everyone do a double-take at me when I walk by!

Exhibit A: actual confidence in herself and ability to consider herself worth something;

If I can always, always be honest with myself Even if I don’t put together some program, even if I keep screwing up Ah, you understand me

Exhibit B: understanding that she’s worth something to others besides her utility abilities, and knowing that she has friends who’ll support her despite her flaws (which is very true);

When things are feeling hard, the first thing you should do is call me, okay? I’ll take the wings of love and purity, spread them, and get there as fast as I can Ah, I’ll open up any gate I need to

Exhibit C: indulging in her capacity for helping and supporting others;

Al mal tiempo, buena cara We laugh exactly when things are hard

Exhibit D: understanding the strength to get through hard times, instead of emotionally crumbling under the pressure.

Yep, that’s exactly what her character arc in 02 was about; 02 episode 31 was a huge turning point for her because, in the depths of her berating herself for her messiness and expecting Hikari to be secretly judging her the whole time, Hikari revealed that she was outright jealous of Miyako being able to speak her mind, and Miyako shortly after ended up showing her true capacity for reaching others who needed her help and supporting them, a role she ended up growing into for the rest of the series. Note that, other than the casual remark of confidence at the beginning, Miyako hasn’t necessarily become arrogant or anything – it’s just that, by focusing her energies into how much she loves everyone and turning her “nosiness” and “sticking herself into others’ business” tendencies into positive energy to help everyone, she gained more confidence in her ability to be loved and accepted by others.

This is reflected as well in her new duet with Hawkmon, where, instead of Hawkmon dragging her around everywhere, their differences and mismatched personalities are outright celebrated, and while Miyako still has awareness of her messy tendencies, she’s no longer letting it emotionally rip her apart and has confidence that Hawkmon can be by her side to help her through it. Perhaps reflecting that, Hawkmon himself goes from the over-the-top, dramatic, high-strung Knight of Love to the more calm and straightforward Gentle Tornado, perhaps because his own partner isn’t constantly bouncing off the walls recklessly nearly as much anymore.

Incidentally, it’s not like all of this is without nuance, either; even if Miyako’s become more of a confident person, she’s not all put-together. Considering that the entire song has her gushing about how she’d be willing to drop anything to go see her friends (which was pushed forward in Kizuna itself, what with her willingly taking the same request she’d refused to do earlier just because her friends were involved, and even inventing D-3 gate exploitation just to go see them), when you get to the end, and her gushing about her fun in Spain suddenly derails into reminiscing about the events of 02 episode 42, the implication is clear: for as much as she wants to be wholeheartedly enjoying this fun trip abroad for what it is, she can’t help but let her thoughts float back to memories and friends she cares about, and her bonus conversation with Hawkmon drives it in further that, ultimately, she dearly misses them too much.

Iori and Armadimon

Iori also went through some drastic changes in character over the course of 02, so when you look at My Conclusion, it’s basically Iori at his “worst” point of black-and-white morality:

Everyone, I will be speaking my conclusion Evil will not be tolerated Even evil in itself will be defeated by justice That will always be a certainty in the end

I mean, let’s even consider the fact that the song is called “My Conclusion” in the first place. Iori’s slamming this all down like this is the end-all of everything, and you can’t change his mind! He does briefly admit that there are certain things reason itself won’t change, but it’s more like he’s on the verge of having an out, because in the end, really…

Everyone, I will be speaking my conclusion Our enemies are beyond reason Again and again, to the very end They will certainly use cowardly means to come and attack us

Rationality. No feelings involved. Evil is evil, and justice is justice. No takebacks. Life exists by rules, and nothing else.

Message to the Future is possibly one of the most interesting songs in the original Best Partner collection, because it does actually provide hints about where Iori should be going in the future, and also has a lot of things that retroactively hit a lot harder from the meta perspective. The song fully fleshes out Iori’s feelings and concerns about how to grow up into a proper adult (which was hinted to be his real motivation as to why he was so strict with himself in 02), and that, most of all, what he wants is for his “feelings” to never change no matter what happens. Iori expresses concerns about how he might change as an adult to Armadimon, and Armadimon assures him that he’ll still be “Iori”, no matter what.

So, come the new character song collection, Iori’s new solo song is aptly titled “Things That Won’t Change” – because, in the end, despite everything that changed, his feelings did not. He says it himself: the important parts that he really wanted, the desire to do the right thing and to protect others, never changed a bit at all since “back then”. What did change, however, was his way of going about it.

Rather than what someone else has decided I’ve chosen my own future now

and again:

Rather than imitating someone else This is to shout out my own future

The emphasis on this being Iori’s own choice is important because Iori has finally decided not to live by strict rules imposed on him nor by imitating others (remember, part of the reason he kept doing what he did back in 02 was because he had such a strong belief “my father would have done this”). Others had been encouraging him to “make his own decisions” from the get-go – even Hida Chikara himself had told him that he was the one who needed to decide what to do in any moment in 02 episode 5 – and after dealing with a violation of his own morals in having to kill a Digimon in 02 episode 44, one episode later, in discussing with Takeru, Iori has to come to terms with the decision to continue fighting because “this is what I have decided myself”, because it’s not about whether he has an obligation to keep fighting for the sake of justice, but because he, himself, wants to protect others, and will do what it takes to do so. There’s no more of these strict rules of “because it must be this way” or the black-and-white morality that caused him to be so initially hostile towards Ken and Oikawa, but an understanding that these things need to be decided from the heart.

Moreover, unlike My Conclusion, Things That Won’t Change isn’t written like Iori’s turning in some school essay, but rather, more than half the song is in casual-form Japanese (which was associated with Iori when he became more emotional and wasn’t keeping himself in check anymore), and is more of a thoughtful reflection of his own feelings rather than trying to pass itself off as following rules because he must.

Thus, while the duet Choo Choo Tryin’ isn’t as heavy-handed as Message to the Future, Iori and Armadimon acknowledge that they need to be forward-thinking and keep going (generally tied to the message of 02 in itself), and Iori outright discusses the potential pitfalls of becoming too stiff. Furthermore, the song has copious rap portions, which seems rather unfitting for Iori on its face – until you realize that not only was Iori sometimes willing to indulge in more fun even back during 02 (just because he was strict with himself didn’t mean he was a complete killjoy), Iori’s also just a lot more flexible-minded in general, and has a penchant for wanting to do things right when he’s given a task. (His delivery of the rap in the song isn’t monotonous nor overly emotional, but has the nuance of someone who’s trying to recite all of it with caution.)

The part that’s particularly striking from the meta perspective is that Iori and Armadimon are no longer voiced by the same voice actress; Message to the Future was essentially Urawa Megumi talking to herself. So now, Iori has a new voice actor, and in many ways has become very different from Armadimon – but because Armadimon sounds a little like Iori, you could say he’s helping preserve the childish side of Iori that’s more important than ever to hold onto, especially since Iori himself worried about changing too much. And so, Iori’s still willing to indulge in a sort of “fun” song like this, and in the end, despite everything, you understand that they haven’t drifted apart at all in the slightest.

That’s not to say that Armadimon himself hasn’t changed either – in fact, he’s changed himself in response to how much Iori has. His original solo song had a lot of easygoingness to it, and some constant reminders for Iori to please, please chill – but his new one has a much stronger sense of resolve and forward-thinking attitude, reflecting that, while Iori himself technically had to learn to embrace more emotional uncertainty through the events of 02, it was also able to give him much stronger resolve that this was something he was doing because he was emotionally prepared for it, not out of some sense of moral obligation.

Takeru and Patamon

I’ve already covered Takeru’s original Best Partner song Focus and how it’s probably not about shipping as much as the fanbase tends to pin it as, but in any case, the operative part is here:

Before I knew it, I was watching over you Still standing at a skewed angle from behind The focus of your heart I wonder, is it on me, or… No, I can’t ask

Takeru couldn’t bring himself to ask sensitive questions or be straightforward about his emotions – which is basically what was Takeru’s lingering problem over Adventure and 02, that he kept swerving around or even lying about sensitive topics and holding everything inside, until one of his triggers was hit and everything exploded. Therefore, even when an important question about someone else comes up, he “can’t ask”. Moreover, for all Takeru is known as a lighthearted and kind person, Focus is a really turbulent song with a really harsh arrangement, and it’s a pretty accurate view of all the complicated and sometimes even negative emotions that Takeru was (badly) coping with over the course of 02.

This was the whole issue with Takeru and Iori’s Jogress arc in 02 episodes 34-36 – that Iori felt he couldn’t understand nor communicate well with Takeru, and had to eventually take matters into his own hands in order to properly understand his feelings. Takeru’s further interactions with Iori were significantly more straightforward for the rest of the series, and the experience also led to Takeru being able to more openly communicate with Ken as well, since the two had been on awkward speaking terms for most of the third quarter of the series.

So when we get to Step High Step…

You lament, you don’t have confidence in yourself I’m saying this to you as I’ve been watching you You’re amazing at all times

The song features Takeru being fairly straightforward about his feelings and opinions instead of just dodging it and going for an “everything’s okay” keeping-the-peace attitude, and not only that, he’s commenting on someone else, something that he probably would have refrained from in 02 for being intrusive. Of course, Takeru was always a nice person, but he wasn’t exactly straightforward about being nice back then – and yet here we are.

Since Focus is probably about his relationship with Patamon and how he kind of wasn’t exactly straightforward about his worries with him either (see 02 episode 34), it’s also interesting to compare Takeru and Patamon’s duet songs as well. Steppin’ out does portray a progression from Adventure in that they’ve accepted they can “do things over” again after things crash down (presumably referring to Angemon’s death and rebirth), but you’ll notice there isn’t much in the way of actual communciation between the two – something that’s not only present in Le Lien, but also portrays them as outright in-sync to the point of “telepathy”. We’re talking about a pair where the fanbase has historically had doubts about how similar they were back in 02 because of how “mismatched” they seemed!

Which, incidentally, they weren’t actually – you can see Patamon pretending he’s not about to cry in his original Best Partner song Don’t Stop Pata-Pata, much like how Takeru would cover up his own emotions, and gritting his teeth and resolving to fight harder. Meanwhile, while Ring of Smiles ostensibly continues to have Patamon be “sweet and cute”, it contains a lot of important nuances of “appreciating daily life with friends”, even if Patamon himself can’t quite find words for it – in other words, it’s actually some rather insightful and thoughtful sentiments from Patamon about the importance of being with and connecting with others, mirroring what Takeru himself learned in connecting with the others around him, especially Iori.

Hikari and Tailmon

Remember, Hikari has two lines (one in Adventure and one in 02) that basically summarize the main “issue” she was dealing with in both series: she was selfless to unhealthy levels, and would prioritize others’ welfare over herself to the point of self-destruction. So in her original solo Best Partner song, Gentle Rain, she puts it pretty explicitly:

I want to always be wearing nothing but smiles But I can’t be cheerful all of the time

or:

So that I can become a greater version of myself Please give me strength

All things considered, Gentle Rain is full of Hikari’s own insecurities, and her belief that she doesn’t have enough strength to do anything for herself. She makes references to being pulled to the Dark Ocean, mainly because – as she says – she doesn’t want to go there, but she doesn’t have enough strength or willpower to resist it. In fact, Best Partner 11 is full of a lot of angst; Gentle Rain is Hikari angsting about her own weakness and inability to do much for herself, Getting up is Tailmon angsting about her painful past and everything to do with it, and Shining Star is basically a plea for both of them to be able to do anything despite all the pain. It’s all pretty severely heavy content, despite the initial sparkly-looking sentiment of it all.

Considering the circumstances, it’s not really all that surprising. Hikari spent her time in Adventure and the first half of 02 very “emotionally isolated” from the others, to the point very few people could understand what she was thinking, and while she’d never hesitate to put herself out for other people, anything to do with herself, like getting pulled to the Dark Ocean, would result in resignation “it’s over” and “I can’t do anything about it”. Tailmon came from the background of being effectively raised by the abusive Vamdemon, so 02 was really only part of the earliest portion of her moving on with her life and being able to spend happier moments with Hikari. But, of course, the real turning point was 02 episode 31, when Miyako finally managed to break through to her and convince her to not accept the inevitability of things happening to herself, to accept help with the support of others, and to not take things happening to her as a sign she’s doomed.

So when we reach Hikari’s new solo song, Tomorrow’s Blue…

I want to chase after my dreams and hopes, it’s fine even if they’re incomplete I won’t lose, I won’t stop, I’ll do this to stay true to myself

The most striking thing about the song is that it features Hikari assertively talking about her own desires and feelings, when back in 02 she basically tried to kick them out of the picture for the sake of everyone else (and, really, even in Tailmon’s new solo song, Tender tale, she outright calls Hikari out for still prioritizing other people over herself). It’s not demeaning herself, it’s not resigning herself to anything, it may have a slight admission that she’s not super-confident about everything yet, but it’s still her looking forward and choosing to pursue what he wants. It’s a big deal!

And instead of the constant angst that permeated Best Partner 11, the new album is about Hikari and Tailmon talking about their feelings towards each other – something that neither of them really verbalized that well over either Adventure and 02 – and contextualizing their importance to each other over the course of their “story”. Hikari talks about Tailmon’s role of assertiveness in helping her break out of her shell, and Tailmon generally provides an extremely accurate description of Hikari in a nutshell – that she’s a bit mysterious, that she’s emotionally sensitive, that she’s cheerful and lifts others’ spirits. What’s more, Tailmon makes a reference to the same kind of “pain” and “losing things” she referred to in Getting up, but instead of angsting about it, she positively accepts it as something that may happen in the process of protecting others. (Oh, and it and the new duet A Tale of the Light also make reference to Hikari’s photography hobby in 02, contextualizing it as something Hikari did to chronicle their precious memories.)

So in summary, Hikari and Tailmon have both been able to accept 02′s philosophy of becoming forward-thinking, positive, and accepting the help of others in order to move forward. Not bad!

Conclusion and digression

Despite how these songs are almost polar opposite in portraying their before-and-after development of the 02 kids, nobody’s really argued that any of them are out of character! In the end, it’s a pretty succinct depiction of what these kids were dealing with and what they grew into by the end of the series. Seriously, I never, ever want to hear that these kids were underdeveloped nor that they didn’t go through any significant development over the course of 02 ever again. That’s just not true at all, and this simply happens to be one of the many illustrations of how.

Moreover, the songs themselves and the “conversations” that came with the new albums solidify firmly that the 02 group has extremely tight relations with their partners even at this time – with Daisuke actively consulting V-mon for help, Miyako, Takeru, and Hikari actively dragging their partners everywhere with them, Ken having Wormmon be his effective alarm clock, and Iori being so close with Armadimon that his Nagoya dialect is rubbing off on him. Daisuke, Miyako and Hikari have a huge point made that, regardless of the rather easygoing way they’re going at it, they’re very aware of what they want to do from this point out and are following it with gusto (and while it’s not stated in words, Iori carrying a huge textbook, presumably a law one, with note markers all over it drives the point home that this applies to him, too). It’s a really, really huge contrast to what was going on with the directionless Taichi, Yamato, and Sora effectively neglecting their own partners back in Kizuna – and further reinforces the reason the 02 group was in such an unusually favorable position during the movie.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #shihameta

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