#thank you for everyone being so kind !! your positivity has been super encouraging

[caregivingchrysalises]

Your posts are so precious papa 🥺

@ssunshinebabyy

hi angel, thank you so much for your kind words hun~ the chrysalis and i are sending love and light your way little star. the chrysalis and i are everso grateful for your support!

~ cheering for you always, papa ‘tala

[gatitties]

hello so can you do a reader who It's like really, really spicy food.At the point where it's really concerning. You know that restaurant where you have to sign a waiver because the food is spicy? I'm eating like it's nothing.

can it be strawhats, heart and kidd pirates?

thank you

─Strawhats, Heart Pirates, Kid Pirates x reader

─Summary: why it's spicy?

─Warnings: none

─ No one really questions your desire to make your taste buds burn, although some of them can't stand spicy food, sometimes they try your favorite foods just to see how much they can handle it.

─ Chopper and Jinbe are definitely not in that boat, the doctor can't stand spicy food because it makes his body overheat and he can't stand the heat either, it's a no-no for him, Jinbe prefers more refreshing things, being a fishman he doesn't like very spicy food although he can tolerate it.

─ Franky and Brook are the ones who can tolerate the most spicy things next to you, although one is a robot and the other a living corpse… you don't consider them real competition.

─ Nami and Robin will prefer to try less spicy things if you offer them, they prefer to watch you win extremely spicy food competitions, it's entertaining for Robin, you can eat things you like and Nami earns money if you win the competition, it's a win-win for all.

─ Usopp and Zoro underestimated you and ended up breathing fire after trying one of your favorite spicy treats, how the hell do you stand the spice? Are you a dragon or something? Usopp really thinks so.

─ Luffy has quite a tolerance for many things, although he is not a big fan of spicy food, he won't mind continuing to steal from your food if he has the opportunity, although if what you are eating is extremely spicy he will reconsider stealing or not.

─ Sanji is your favorite person on the ship, no matter what the food is, be it sweet, salty, sour… he always makes the dish he cooks for you have that spicy touch that you like so much, it doesn't matter if the spiciness doesn't match the food, he will do it and for your palate it will be a culinary marvel.

─ It's not bread so Law doesn't really care that you like making your mouth burn from eating that kind of stuff, as long as you don't hurt your mouth or stomatch, then if necessary he will cut you into pieces so you don't eat.

─ A little curious about your tolerance for spiciness, he will do some tests to see your limits and compare them with Bepo, the poor polar bear does not tolerate spiciness in the slightest, he doesn't even like to be near you when it's time to eat because just looking at your plate makes his eyes burn.

─ However, whenever it's his turn to go shopping and he sees a new spicy snack, Bepo will get it for you because he knows how much you like it.

─ They don't always let you in with spicy condiments to season your dishes because Ikkaku almost made everyone spit fire once by making a mistake and making all portions of food extra spicy.

─ Jean Bart your only real one, he will be the only one who accompanies you and has endurance competitions with you because the others don't dare, Shachi and Penguin tried it once but they ended up with their eyes and lips as if they had been injected with botox very badly.

─ And speaking of these two devils… they will encourage you to try super spicy things, like if they see a food stand on a random island that claims to sell the spiciest hot dogs and they pay for you to eat to see how spicy they are.

─ Probably the crew that best adapts to your taste for spicy, not because they especially like it too, but because they don't give a shit what you put in the kitchen, as long as it's edible.

─ This doesn't mean that everyone will eat that spicy food that you helped prepare, but they will be more tolerable, the positive side is that if they don't like the dish you prepare you will have more portions of food for yourself.

─ Heat your favorite boy, you are the perfect couple for meals, he can handle all kinds of spice perfectly, this boy breathes fire and is a great competitor for you.

─ Unlike Wire, he likes spicy food, but he is not so good at tolerating it, he will accompany you two when you go to eat in case the situation gets complicated (you love spicy food, but you are not made of steel, sometimes you need an emergency exit)

─ Killer at this point thinks that your taste buds don't exist due to the amount of spicy food you eat daily, seriously, he cares about your health, you need to eat other types of things or your taste will become obsolete.

─ On the other side is Kid, who encourages you to try all kinds of spicy garbage he finds out there, so don't be surprised if he ever asks you to open your mouth so he can spray you with pepper spray, this isn't the worst idea that he has had.

[violetasteracademic]

Yet again, a million years late but I cannot control when I must burrow in my hidey hole

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Thank you for the tags, my beloved @rosanna-writer @foundress0fnothing @yourstarsmyscars

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

(If you're in my answers consider yourself tagged if you'd like to play!!)

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

This was my first year on AO3, and I posted 216,682 before the calendar year ended!

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

2, one longfic Golden Doe in a Valley of Shadow and a one shot, Before the Night Ends, made specifically for my beloved @theseersgarden and some beautiful Elriel art she had commissioned by Lulybot! (This one may technically not be finished... we shall see)

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Four in progress, all three parts of Velaris Memorial Hospital (which is kind of like one big intertwined Feysand, Nessian, and Elriel AU) and another long fic, A Court of Twisted Fate

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

Oh this is so hard. Everything I wrote was what I needed in the moment, so it's difficult to disentangle myself. But I do think Me, You and the Moon Part One and Two from A Court of Twisted Fate was one of my favorite experiences writing. Also some of my favorite things I wrote haven't been posted yet, so I can't share yet!

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

Absolutely Velaris Memorial Hospital. I have been writing third person limited fantasy and sci-fi for well over a decade, and have followed that in my fanfiction. Writing contemporary romance or modern AU in first person perspective was not something I ever imagined doing, but it has unlocked something in me. I am a huge contemporary romance reader, but writing has been an incredible new journey and I have so much newfound respect for first person perspective!

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

Again, Velaris Memorial Hospital. It is by far my smallest readership (which I expected, I am new to the Nessian and Feysand arena and of course there's a huge variety of ship and character preferences. Not everyone is a fan of all three brothers and all three sisters) but it has wound up by far being some of the most engaged and supportive readers, and I have been absolutely loving writing for it!

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Hmmm it's a bit hard to say, I don't have have that many fics out and not a super good sense of this yet. I do think my Nessian fic, The Albatross has my lowest metrics overall. And writing for Nesta and Cassian has also unlocked something very deep and inspired within me. But VMH is an enormous project and kind of choose your own adventure, so I hope it gets some more love in the long run!

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

Literally too many to count but I have to give the biggest shoutout to @elainemg97. Her artistry knows no bounds, and she is one of the best Elriel eggs out there. She is always kind and encourages positive fandom behavior, and is so encouraging and passionate about helping other artists grow and encouraging them on their journey! @stickyelectrons has such a beautiful eye for color, I just love what she manages (especially for Lucien) and I'm such a fan of @santkazoya and @tealeaves-and-rosepetals

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

Literally way way too many to count. @yourstarsmyscars, @rosanna-writer, @foundress0fnothing, @nikachansstuff, and citizenofvelaris are not only phenomenal writers but inspired beta readers and I feel so lucky to know them. @bloomingdarkgarden and @tealeaves-and-rosepetals are magic and pixie dust, truly phenomenal writers but also so available to support other writers and brainstorm and daydream with. I definitely have a lot more fic to read, I write much more often than I read so it leaves me pretty behind. But I'm sure I missed some and there are so many exceptional writers in this fandom!

Oh also, @tswaney17 has stepped away from fic writing but I'm SO excited for her journey repurposing I Do Bad Things With You into an original story for publishing!

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

See all of the above, but a special shoutout to @jasmineandcedar who writes such lovely short form pieces for Tumblr and did a Shakespeare inspired piece that had my jaw on the floor.

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

Before the Night Ends with @theseersgarden! It started just with @theseersgarden brainstorming ideas for a caption for an artwork in process, and trying to come up with a title/head canon/sweet moment to describe the scene. And then it spiraled into, wait a min... there's a whole ass fic here.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

It has been really awesome to see how well received Golden Doe in a Valley of Shadow was. I try not to get too caught up in what fic is the most popular and whether or not I'm showing up on "best" lists, because art is subjective, and as I mentioned, I think some of my best work has had the smallest engagement. But Golden Doe in a Valley of Shadow was my first ever fic. I was a little baby on tumblr and thought maybe four or five people would read a few chapters. I had no idea it would take off in the way that it did, and it still stuns me to this day. Other than that, just writing consistently, and finding wonderful people who fill my cup and and are so supportive and encouraging.

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

Fic writing is super different from original novel writing in a lot of ways, and I still feel like I'm getting my footing in a lot of ways. I find myself very often coming to my fellow writers being like- does this fly in fic culture? Am I overthinking this? But I think the heart of all creative writing is the same, which is trying to find the joy and a build a story that draws readers in and it's just a beautiful thing to invite people into the visions that take place in your mind, even if you are still learning and imperfect. Because you never know what will connect with someone. Also, shadows make great dildos.

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers?

Don't be afraid of the work. Do not fear the muck. Lean into the trenches. I am a huge advocate for transparency in the writing process, and the writing world (fic especially) I think is extra guilty of uplifting the work that just flowed out of them and took no effort at all. Grabs face LISTEN TO ME. Your best work might be what you fought the hardest for. Your strongest scene might be the one that had you in a black pit of despair, extremely close to giving up. Writing is a craft. The only way to get better is to write, this is true. But many people write thousands and thousands of words and never improve, because of the notion that writing should be easy, that it can only happen when you are inspired and flowing and know what you are doing.

Do not fear the trenches. Do not shy away from the work. Not everything comes easily. That doesn't mean you are a bad writer or can't do it. DISPEL the ideas that writing should be easy or come naturally or not require deep effort and work.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

To focus back more on original work. I don't do well with working on more than one project at a time, and I really dug myself into it working on four stories at once. There is no room left for my novel writing, but I can't leave projects unfinished or they will weigh on me. Also continuing to figure out my place in fandom and sharing what I can while staying away from the things that drain me and take away my joy. OH and letting myself take more time. AO3 is an archive, the work will live on. Encouraging myself to be human and need rest and time away. It's so critical to detach from the need for a constant stream of validation, breathe, and focus on the work and your well being.

If you’re tagged in this, please consider yourself tagged for the game!

[abyslita]

happy new year cuties !! i wanted to start this year off with some positivity ,,, especially since i’ve never done one of these posts before because i’ve been too scared um..i hope everyone has a good new year !! this is just appreciation for my moots, but there’s something for everyone at the end 🥹 i’m so sorry if there’s any typos.. im sick and shaky :,) apologies in advance !! happy times..

@frilliette (kuni !!) — RAHHH one of my biggest inspirations by far :,) i got into editing because of you tbh, i’ve always thought your work was so pretty !! i genuinely don’t know how you do it, you never fail to impress me when you post your designs 🥹 and you’re super sweet too !! i always see you in servers but i get too scared to say hi ,, even though we’ve talked before 😭 you’re one of (if not) my favorite editor(s), especially since you don’t get discouraged when it comes to rude anons or anyone who decides to degrade your work .., thank you for being my . friend, i think? I CONSIDER YOU A FRIEND 😭❤️ i hope you have a beautiful 2025 kuni :3 my dms are always open if you wanna talk or need help with anything !! im so so proud of you for making it through another year even with all your hardships that you may not tell anyone about ^_^ you’re a strong, kindhearted, talented person ! never ever forget that :3 ILYSM !! /p

@selysie (cherie :3) — HII CHERIE !! omg you have been such an inspiration to me ever since i knew you had a tumblr, and once i realized you followed me i felt so honored 🥹 /gen AND YOU USED MY STUFF EEEEKKK !!! you’re one of my favorite editors, i love seeing your work on my feed every time im on it just scrolling for inspo 😞 your style is so beautiful and your dividers are what inspired me to start making mine actually :,) i dunno how you do it .. please don’t ever stop being who you are !! your editing is an inspiration to so many people and i don’t think i’d be where i am today without your inspo :3 i’m proud of you for making it through 2024 and becoming who you are, it’s never easy to do, but you’ve accomplished it again and im so proud of you ! /gen much love and hugs :3 /p

@hrlyqueen (KYLIEEE!) — HI KYYY OH MY GOSHHH MY BESTFRIEND 🥹 ILYSM /p you have been so supportive all this time i’ve been editing and i can’t be more grateful, even when my work wasn’t the best you always encouraged me to make more and improve and that’s something i couldn’t ever repay you for .. you’ve always been there for me no matter what, and you’re definitely one of the people i’d like to keep in my life for as long as i can :,) i’ll always be here for you ky! you’ve done such a good job this year and im so glad i get to be your friend through another one <3 i’m proud of you and all your achievements, ilysm and i hope you have a sweet new years and everything goes smoothly in 2025 !! ♡

@dwollies (koko :3) — !!! HII KOKO !! we may not have interacted much this year but i’m so happy to have you as my moot !! your editing style never fails to impress me, i actually used one of your layouts as motivation to retheme :,) you’re super kind and i tend to . uhh i guess,, moveee??.. towards your page when looking for inspo, especially because of your style :,) AHGSJDHM ITS SO PRETTYY i think if i ate it it would taste like… plums .. :3 im so proud of you for making it through 2024! i wish you a very happy 2025, much love and hugs !! /p

@ibandage (caprisun…) — HI KAPRI.. hah caprisun get it i’m sorry. anyways.. HAIAII KAPRIII NY SECSOND BESTFRIEND please change your name on discord. i’m tired of seeing penis on my SCREEN SDPTP /j but on a serious note thank you for being here for me :,) even though we only met what like. a few weeks ago, you’ve quickly become one of my best friends and i feel very comfortable around you! i get to be myself, knowing you won’t judge me and that’s something i’ll always be grateful for<3 ENOUGN WOTH THE PENIS THOUFH. ILY !!! /p im so proud of everything you’ve done this year, and who you’ve become :3 i’m looking forward to spending another year with you and seeing you grow even more !!

@bandagewastern (anthony!!) — HII ANTHONY !! it’s been a bit since we’ve talked and i miss you 🥹 though we don’t interact much, you were one of my first 100 followers i believe, and now im nearing 500!!! thank you soso much for being apart of this (that sounds a little cringey but.. oh well!) i can’t thank you enough, you’ve been here since i was just starting out editing :,) your style is so beautiful , i love seeing your posts on my feed whether it’s your art or just you talking !! my dms are always open if you ever decide you wanna talk more / you just need help with something :3 you’re so strong for making it through another year despite the challenges you may have faced, and i’m proud of you <3 happy new year anthony!

@ubelaces (ube ^^) — HII UBE OMG !! you were another big inspiration of mine when i just started out editing.. your style is so pretty i don’t know WHERE you got it from.. eats it and steals your style /j ITS SO PRETTYYY EVERYTHING YOU’VE MADE IS GORGEOUS 🥹 i’ve always looked up to you as an editor, and im so glad we’re moots even though your work is sm better than mine .. :,) NOT IN LIKE A NEGATIVE WAY.. i love it sm i keep saying that but its gorgeous i could cry i think it’d taste like blueberry muffins .. /pos . if you ever need anyone to talk to my dms are open ! i hope you have a wonderful 2025 and im so so proud of you for making it through another year, despite facing challenges and setbacks <3 ILY !!! /p

@lucentmaiden (essi !) — HAIAI ESSI !! i see your work on pinterest and ouh my days.. it’s so gorgeous 🥹 i’ve always wanted to have a similar style to yours, however i feel like for me it’s too hard to achieve so i applaud you for making such gorgeous pieces in that style !! before i followed you on tumblr i always went to your pinterest page when i was feeling low on inspiration just because you’ve always been a person to help me get that motivation back, even if our styles are completely different !! im sorry if this makes it awkward considering we’ve never interacted before, but im so glad you’re my moot and im so proud of you for making it through 2024 <3 i hope you have a happy new year and have a beautiful 2025!

well that was a lot.. again i’m so so sorry for the typos i’ve been so sick and i can’t get my hands to stop shaking :,) now onto everyone else , (even if you’re not tagged in this, i love and adore you sm /p /gen)

happy new years !! i’m so proud of you for making it through another year and being strong enough to celebrate with me and other people. you’ve done your best this year, and i’m so proud of you for doing so. it’s not easy to get up everyday, and even if you didn’t, even if you couldn’t muster the strength to get up, i’m still proud of you- because you made it through the year. you lived through 365 days of challenges and uncertainty, that’s something to be proud of ! i wish i could be there to celebrate your accomplishments, however, we may not know eachother .. happy new year <3 i love you all sm !! my dms are always open if you need new friends or just wanna talk for a bit. ♡

[kalikalahansa]

Hey Kali,

I recently found your old blog but after everything had been archived. I read your post most recent post and was wondering if you were still okay to answer some untraining questions? (Totally 100% understand if not though).

I (24f) have been 24/7 for 6 years now, untraining bladder for 2/3 years. While I use my diapers for everything I've never gotten past messing standing up. In contrast I'm a heavy bed wetter and rarely notice much if any signal to wet during the day. I've decided it's time to properly take a look at complete incontinence since everyone already perceives me as such and I won't be leaving diapers!

I was wondering if there was any advice you could give to help with getting over the initial hurdle for untraining my bowels?

Again totally and completely understand if you've moved away from these sort of topics. Thank you :))

Hey, anon. I have a few pieces of advice.

Make sure you're wearing diapers that have performance and fit characteristics that would make you feel comfortable messing them. Early in my own untraining I was wearing Molicare Super Plus diapers that fit fine and were perfectly fine for wetting but fit really tightly over the butt. You need a diaper that has some room in the butt without being loose and that also has a high back.

Make sure your clothes provide adequate room and support. One thing that made me feel more comfortable messing my diapers was wearing bib-and-brace overalls under my other clothes when the weather permitted, because it meant there was something to support and catch my diaper without wrapping very tightly around it. I've since realised I'm a woman, which means I can and/or do dress in ways that are typically associated specifically with women; if I had the chance now I would have picked A-line skirts and tights, most likely. Up to you what you think is best.

Take an internal deodorant. I make the same two recommendations every time I have reason to mention them: bismuth subgallate and chlorophyllin. They won't help you get over the initial hurdle, but when they're effective in controlling the smell, they reduce the friction that encourages you to stop trying to untrain messing.

Change your diet. I've been delaying responding to a few questions which involve this as an answer because I want to compile my research on diet and untraining but I just haven't had time. The short version is it will help immensely if you

drink more water

eat more fibre

avoid red meat because it'll make your poop smell

avoid consistently consuming foods that you know cause diarrhoea, since the point is to get better at messing from your previous baseline voluntary standpoint, not to make yourself have painful accidents/gut disruption that you can't sustain

Dietary changes are tremendously important because as I recall even from a continent standpoint they're the difference between having to put in a lot of mechanical effort to mess and just being able to kind of gently push and have it come out. Since part of messing untraining is configuring your body so that the gentle push of autonomic peristalsis is sufficient to deal with your messing, positive dietary changes are to your advantage.

Even though you're already a long-term diaper wearer and partially untrained, I know that for some people in the same circumstances, nerves about messing their diapers can be a real stumbling block. My advice is to have an accident about it. If you have nerves about messing your diapers in front of anyone in particular, make yourself do it at least once. If you can't do it voluntarily, do it involuntarily. This is one of the few sets of circumstances in which I think (judicious and careful) use of stimulant laxatives is an acceptable tool. Not because they're a healthy long-term way to make yourself have accidents or anything — they're not, in fact quite the opposite — but because I genuinely think the biggest hurdle with confronting messing under circumstances that make you nervous about it is having it happen and surviving it. Once that's happened it doesn't seem like nearly as much of a threat.

[makoredeyes]

Hello, I saw your response to my previous ask and it’s given me the encouragement I need to step out of my comfort shell.

So, like I said I absolutely love your characterization of Lord Timur and after reading every chapter of your various works, an interesting thought occurred to me.

Timur has a clear obsession with exos, and I can’t help but think that he would have a field day at exo science on Europa.

However, given what we know about the various experiments Clovis conducted in the pursuit of exo bodies how would Timur react upon learning about how exos were created (specifically clarity) and just how many atrocities were committed as a result.

cuss coming from someone who has read all the lore entires about the Deep stone crypt some of those logs sound like something straight out of a sci fi horror movie (billboarding being a particularly scary thought) and I’m convinced that if Destiny were angled towards a more mature audience those entires could have gone even darker (I don’t even want to mention the dead exo dialogue)

and while Timur may have an enthusiasm for the pursuit of science and discovery I like to think that even he has a line he will not cross.

also how would Felwinter react to all that (I’d imagine he’d want to put a few bullets thought the giant Clovis head)

HELLO AND WELCOME BACK! <3

And OOOUUGH Go and poke all my favorite topics at once why don'tcha! Battleship SUNK <3 Oh gawd you're getting such a rambling infodump here I should probably apologize but surely you knew what you were doing ahahaha... I'm still a little sorry heeh.

Rambling below the break, for the sake of everyone's sanity!

OK OK OK so First of all yeah holy shit ALL the stuff surrounding the Bray Family, but especially centering on Clovis (the Bray Family Bullshit as I like to call it) is all SUPER dark and yeah man going into Clovis' personal logbook and some of the Exo experiments, and even Willa's experiments with what was, or would become ('scuse my brain fog) SIVA are all shady AF. Even Ana and her big precious couldn't do a thing in the world wrong baby Warmind isn't immune and she's fucking adopted (EDIT: I’ve been informed she was only TOLD she was adopted , check zalia in the comments!) but it rubbed off on her just a little anyway imo. But BRAYTECH as a company was a massive conglomerate with government and military backing, and while yeah, the company's most questionable developments were hidden behind brighter veneers or on remote celestial bodies (coughEruopaCough) OR (REDACTED for Vespers Host spoilers), more or less there was kind of a universal Do What I Want and Get Away With It card. And they USED it. Not just with the exos, but that's particularly noteworthy because yeah, Clovis was freaking corrupted and led by the Witness via "Clarity". He was a self-centered arrogant prick all along but it led him right into megalomania to the point of assuming he could ascend to godhood. Freaking spectacular. But TIMUR. Well we don't know a whole lot about him for SURE but I would posit that he wasn't so much obsessed with Exos specifically as he was with Golden Age tech, Clovis (or more specifically his *Legacy*) and knowledge for the sake of knowledge. (You know, that obnoxious Warlock Trope Bungie loves so much) We have a handful of pretty intriguing quotes attributed to Timur regarding his perspective on the pursuit and use of knowledge as a weapon. His student Colovance eventually laments that Timur has gone mad with obsession (specifically over SIVA/Bray Co.)*** He also might have had a perfectly healthy fixation on Felwinter because the dude must have been able to smell this stuff. (no I'm not taking that exact analogy used in one of the weblores seriously but I mean, if the shoe fits) I'd infer that he sensed something was different about Felwinter, but he knew for sure that Felwinter KNEW THINGS that he did not and it drove him batty. The other thing he was, that we know for sure thanks to a idle line from Saladin, was a weapons smith. And it's inferred that he takes a disturbing amount of glee from it.

And of course he's got the mind-control thing, which if you're unfamiliar with D1 and that relic of his- the effect/ability that was attributed to was called Timur's Demons. Check out the imagery on the Memory of Timur item sometime if you haven't seen it, because wao. It's um. It's something.

Which leads me to some HEADCANONS

Zalia sold me on this but damnit she's right and I accepted it as gospel pretty much immediately: That mind control shit ain't the kind of voodoo that comes from the Traveler's wheelhouse. It's Darkness that touches on stuff like thought and memory and self-control. Was he doing that on purpose? Probably not or he'd have been violently ostracized from well. everything. Since darkness stuff and it's users were NOT Kosher until very recently in Destiny's history. Buuut....this might have given Timur a more open-minded perspective as well. Symmetrists were always a thing. Regardless of that specifically, I DO like to picture Timur as actually quite morally gray. I haven't had the chance to show it so much yet in my writing, especially because that sweet sunshine disposition is sooooo much fun, but that's only half the picture. The way I see it for him as there are his Family/Loved ones, and there are Objects. You are either with him or you are a target to test-fire his latest invention on. (ahaha oh I finally got booted into Orbit from the Tower while sitting here typing all of this up lololol) He's a black sheep with the other Iron Lords (perhaps a surrendered Warlord even) and probably the cause of a LOT of the hard moral creeds that have been written into their code. It's part of what makes Felwinter, as another lone ranger so to speak, so appealing to him, perhaps.

There's also a pretty stout handful of us that have clustered up on the belief that Timur WAS from Braytech, and very highly placed within the organization, probably working closer with Clovis than anyone would really care to be. (Why do we believe this? Because it's fun lol)

So me? I like to think he was actually involved in all of that, probably directly. I'm sure there was a whole lot about it he didn't like (we see that with most of the scientists with Braytech) but was it enough to outweigh the discovery? The innovations? Did it outweigh the price of his education? Or perhaps he did want out but couldn't break free. I would not for a second mistake him for a FRIEND of Clovis either way, and I especially enjoy picturing a situation where he encounters Clovis in his new life as a Lightbearer after pursuing that Legacy for so long, only to discover terrible truth about the man behind the curtain. I think he would keep the progress and the (somewhat imaginary) gilded perfection of the Golden Age, but reject Clovis himself entirely.

I think after living through the Dark Age he'd have a higher reverence for human life also, but any outrage he has to anything he learns is probably going to be more personal and self-centered ("I can't believe I idolized that creep!!") than taking into immediate consideration the lives that were lost or damaged in those experiments.

Felwinter would shoot Clovis dead on the spot without asking a single question after so much as 5 minutes with Elsie.

I don't think he'd be too personally troubled by how the Exominds are created because frankly, he isn't one. There is a very good chance that his body was not exposed to radiolaria or Clarity the way the human-bound frames were, because that process was done entirely in order to stave off billboarding from DER, which was never a risk for him. His frame was probably manufactured and immediately requisitioned by Rasputin for his own purposes, and he definitely knows enough about his origins that if he learned about this process he'd be able to put two and two together. BUT the moral issue of everything else that went on, with uncooperative, or transitionally difficult Exos were getting simply wiped into compliance WOULD rankle him, and he would deal out justice accordingly in his usual fashion.

*** as an aside: I am reading Lord Colvance's missive from the Ghost Fragment: The Dark Age 3 grimoire card and... Was? He? Left? Behind??? During the incursion on Site 6??? It sounds like they left him behind! Is he alive??????? Fellow Lorewhores can someone check on this and knock some sense into me??? ****also shitfuck I have OTHER thoughts reading this again HELP.

Edit: Naw he dead I’m dumb lmaooo 🤣

Edit2: check the comments folks, we’ve got some top-shelf insights Re: lore etc rolling in in there that I would be deeply remiss to let anyone pass by.

[angeledeggs]

Yo, hope you’re having a good day. Could we get some hcs of the Mc finding out they have like- 8 or 9 siblings or something. And maybe they have like a family reunion with all the siblings to catch up and stuff, so mc takes their partner (preferably Valdemar, but it could be whoever) to said family reunion. Mc expects it to go decently well, but the siblings end up kinda bullying the partner (not super serious, more like excessive teasing, if that makes any sense).

Also your writing is so awesome and I genuinely look forward to seeing it each day, thank you for giving us arcana content that actually includes the courtiers

Oh, I love long requests, thanks for this! And thank you for the compliment, I love writing. This blog and everyone being so encouraging has really helped me find motivation to improve my writing, and just write in general from how supportive y'all are and of course! I love writing for y'all and writing about the courtiers! <3

"How many, again?"

Valdemar hummed as the driver hit a particularly nasty speed bump. Your body jerks even with the seatbelt while your partners body stays, as usual, unaffected by gravity. They offer you a little smile, and you don't think twice before returning it. "Eight." You say.

Valdemar sighs a bit. "Eight." They echo in response, drumming their fingertips together in the same steepled position they are always in. They seem.. Thoughtful about it. You can't help but glance at them a bit nervously, anxious to meet your family members. Valdemar catches your nervousness and without saying anything they reach over to clutch your hand. They are cold, like always, and their bare fingers are scarred. They only take their gloves off for you. You squeeze their hand in response and press yourselves against their side as you both wait for the car to pull up to your family's house.

You feel a nervous little flutter linger in your belly when the car stops. Valdemar puts their gloves on and pulls their mask over their nose and mouth. When they look at you, they see the particularly tight way in which you cling to your seatbelt. Their hand presses against the back of your neck and softly curls around your neck to feel your pulse. "Are you alright?" They murmur gently. You breath in deeply, trying to ground yourself on the feeling of your diaphragm expanding with each breath. "Yes." You say slowly, opening your eyes fully. "Are you?" Valdemar's eyes push up with a hidden smile beneath their mask. "I am, my dear. Let's go."

You barely left for a second.

You had abandoned the gathering briefly, mind you, just to get a pop from the cooler and when you return, Valdemar looks positively irritated. One of your many older siblings linger by their side, questions coming out of his mouth extremely quickly. "So.. Horns? Is that a cosplay thing? Is it a fetish thing? Is my sibling into horns--" you immediately shoo your brother away. "Come on, go bother someone else." You insist, kind of joking but mostly serious. Your brother snorts and turns away.

You go to Valdemar's side where they stand stiffly and hesitates when you reach out for them. Would touching them make their mood worse? Without even looking at you, Valdemar snatches your hand and hooks your arm around their own in the way they always do.

"You okay?" You say quietly, your voice softening to something more sweet with them. Valdemar let's out a soft little breath as their hand presses over your knuckles. "Your siblings are... Irritating." They mumbles to you as their latex encased fingers idley tap at your nails. You feel immediate worry bubble into your throat. You had thought this whole thing would go... Not good, but at least okay! "Siblings?" You sputter out. "As in-- As in plural? Have multiple of my siblings bothered you?" You hurriedly ask. Valdemar glances down at you, coldness in their eyes melting as they gaze at you. "Sh, my love," they hush you as they tap at your nails.

"They have not been bothering me quite as much as they have teased me. I do very believe it is a form of affection." Your frown deepens at their answer. "But you looked upset." You insist. Valdemar hums in thought for a moment. "Well, yes. But it was not too bad. And we may go whenever you like." They say gently. Oh, of course you want to go. You don't quite like all this... Social stuff, not even with your family. It makes you feel claustrophobic at best and extremely anxious at worst. But you feel a bit shy, about to just up and leave your family. "Um..." You mumble. You look up at Valdemar. Their fingers tap rhythms against your nails.

"yeah." You mumble softly. "Yeah, I wanna go..." Valdemar nods. "Then we'll go." And with no hesitance, they lead you out of the gathering with their head held high.

In the car, you sigh as it starts up and begins to drive. Valdemar tucks their arm around you, comfortable with the affection since the dark window in front of you both blocked you two from the driver. "Are you alright?" They murmur softly. You lean into their cold touch. "Yeah." You mumble. You glance up at them, meeting their red eyes. "You?" Valdemar's red eyes soften further and they use their other hand to stroke your cheek.

"With you, my dear?" They whisper. "I am more than alright."

❀

[sitp-recs]

Happy birthday darling @nv-md! I can’t think of anyone more present, cheerful or supportive than Ali. She’s always so kind, so positive and genuinely encouraging to everyone around her, and also super enthusiastic about all fandom related things. Her passion for Drarry and rare pairs is absolutely infectious, and I feel like we are especially connected through our sordid rare pairs interests 👯‍♀️ not to mention her wit and sense of humor - Ali is such a fun person to be around and that translates into her fics, too. It’s impossible not to smile or laugh out loud with the hilarious shenanigans she comes up with - or drool over her sexy & scorching hot smut 🔥

Ali is a fandom champion and embodies what this experience is supposed to be about imo - finding joy in creating and engaging. She’s a writer, beta, cheerleader and still finds time to carefully read, comment and reblog everything else. Whenever I’m leaving a comment on a fic I find out that Ali’s already been there spreading gentle encouragement. Her presence is truly inspiring and reminds me of what it means to be part of something bigger, and to be there for your friends. So much of what she does goes unnoticed behind the scenes and I wanted to highlight those contributions as well. Now, on to my favourite Ali treats (lol I almost wrote “threats” which they might be! Killing us with softness 😔). As I said, she’s equally passionate about Drarry and rare pairs - from tooth rotting fluff to unapologetic filthy porn, she’s written some of my favourite tropes for my favourite ships, and I’m so happy that I get to feast on her works for free. Happy birthday my friend, I hope you have a day as sweet and fun as you are! Thank you for being you 💗

Drarry

Have I Told You About My Vampire Boyfriend? (M, 1.1k)

Harry fucking loves being a vampire, especially since he gets to be a vampire with Draco.

Bonds, Besties, and Boners: Draco Malfoy’s Guide to Getting a Boyfriend (E, 4k)

Draco and Harry are accidentally bonded while at work. Harry's thrilled, Draco's annoyed, and Pansy's doing everything she can to cause trouble. Can these two idiots figure their messy relationship out?

Your Kiss, and I Will Surrender (E, 5k)

Draco's on the run and Harry hasn't seen him in months. All hell breaks loose when Harry catches him in Knockturn Alley, but there's more to their relationship, and Draco's disappearance, than meets the eye.

Ali's Candy Hearts - A Month of Drarry Fluff (E, 14k)

A collection of unrelated Drarry fics: let's get fluffy in February.

On Hope & Healing (E, 14k)

Harry and Draco haven't seen each other in seven years, since Draco left the Aurors—and Harry—behind. So Harry can't help but be surprised when he starts working as a Healer at St Mungo's and runs into Draco.

Operation Dragon's Shenanigans (E, 14k)

Harry's in love with Draco, but it's complicated. Even more complicated than 'I'm in love with my ex-archnemesis and I get dizzy every time I see him smile'.

Draco Malfoy Absolutely Does Not Need to Be Loved by Harry Bloody Potter (E, 18k)

It’s not easy to be bonded to your childhood rival, turned fuckbuddy, who you also have extremely uncomfortable but repressed feelings for—just ask Draco Malfoy.

Rare pairs

Savage Altruism (T, 428 words) - Harry/Hermione

A cursed statue is determined to keep Harry and Hermione from love.

Let Me Take You Home (M, 1k) - Ginny/Pansy

After the war, everything and everyone was broken. Ginny and Pansy find a home in each other.

Can't I Have Both? (E, 1.8k) - Omegaverse Harry/Draco/Blaise

Werewolves usually only have one mate, but of course, Draco has to be special and have two Alphas chasing after him. And he makes sure they always want him...especially when he can drag them into the loo of a club.

True Love Blooms (E, 7k) - Harry/Theo

The flower tattoos on Theo's back paint the story of his and Harry's relationship: two boys falling in love and making their relationship work, no matter what.

Overexposed (E, 10k) - Harry/Teddy/Draco

Teddy never expected to become a model for Nimbus, and he definitely didn't expect any of the adverts to catch Harry and Draco's attention. But now that it's happened, Teddy can't deny he gets a thrill every time he catches Harry and Draco staring, and he's going to do everything he can to keep their eyes on him.

[mc-i-r]

Hi hi hi!!! On the bandwagon to say how good Disposable Heroes is! (also - what a title!) I love how this take exposes everyone's biases in such a casual way, that through something minor, it snowballs. Not a single person (adult or kids alike) thinks to check on Steve, that one misunderstanding becomes an excuse to treat Steve how they truly view him (ie, still an asshole, taking digs at his personality and intelligence, how easily they distance themselves after everything he's done for them with zero regards to his well-being and feelings.) Thinking of the party trying to defend themselves by downplaying Steve's part in everything, only to have it pointed out that half of them wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Steve - but how it also extends past mortal danger as well, all the outings, check ins, lunch and arcade money, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to - And everyone now being forced to confront these biases, that Steve isn't a two dimensional NPC they can recruit whenever they need a tank, devoid of feelings or emotion outside of them. That he's been struggling with the trauma of this shit too. I love your exploration of Steve's character - how he's alarmingly aware and observant of the people around him, how he assesses quietly and chooses to take action for better (despite it maybe not being reciprocated - that scene in Family Video where Steve is so earnest with Eddie... it broke my heart.) It feels so true to his writing, even all the way back to S1/S2 when he realises where he went wrong, tries to make up for it. Also the angst, the good good angst! Dying to read when Eddie finds out Steve's true feelings and what Steve's had to endure this entire time... and how harmful the King Steve moniker actually is. Selfishly, I want the party (+ extended) to grovel a bit to earn back his friendship - but I love that your version has one steadfast Robin Buckley by Steve's side. Such a good premise!!! Sorry for such along ask haha, i got excited. I'd love to be tagged for future updates! - @foundintheshallows

Thank you so much! It amazes me how much positive feedback I'm getting from Heroes, it truly feels surreal. The fact that so many people are liking it is insane to me but it's definitely encouraging me to keep writing more!

Funny little thing about the title, it's actually based on a Metallica song from Master of Puppets! I was listening to the album when I was writing one day and as soon as I was trying to think of a good title, this song came on and the lyrics just... Fit. It's not super important, but I think it's kinda cool :)

That's something I really wanted to express, how people's biases never really go away despite knowing or thinking otherwise. I wanted to show that bias can hurt a person, even when you don't think about it or actively do it. Steve gets hit with a lot of that since his character was one who had a rough past, so I really wanted to drive the point home that even though people can change, they can still get hurt.

Trauma in the show, I feel like, is immensely overlooked so I wanted to amend that. Steve has been through some shit- including Russian torture- and he would obviously have permanent issues from that. Physical issues such as his eyesight (all those concussions had to have fucked up his vision somehow), migraines (seriously, head trauma is no joke), and hearing (which will come in later) as well as mental issues such as panic attacks, paranoia, dissociation, and anxiety. But, despite all that, he puts it all aside for the Party even though they never do so in return and that's where some of that sweet, sweet angst comes in.

This is really just an excuse to dive into the mind of the tiny Steve that lives in my brain because he gets so little attention in the show regarding his character and I wanted to fix that. Showing how kind and compassionate he is- and really has always been- is something I really really wanted to get right. That scene in Family Video was an example of that (I'm really glad you liked it, I rewrote it soooo many times) and I wanted to express how genuinely thoughtful he is to others even if they don't give him the same courtesy in return. He's had a lot of character development, and this is just my way of paying homage to it, I suppose.

I don't wanna give away too much, but the Party definitely feels some retribution for what they did to Steve and he really takes his time to fully accept their apologies. It'll all come full circle in the end, and a loooot of loose ends are tied up.

I'm jumping between Robin's and Eddie's chapters right now to try and iron out some final details so your wait might not last too much longer!

Thank you so much for this ask and I'll add you to the tag list right away!

[steddieas-shegoes]

UPDATE

Hi everyone! Just wanted to give a little update because I haven’t been posting as regularly the last few days. I’m fine! 

Had a rough day Wednesday that bled a bit into Thursday, so I didn’t feel super inspired and was really focused on Liam’s tryouts and just being super anxious about that.

BUT HE MADE THE TEAM!!!! And I did post a fundraiser thing here if you are able to help even by just sharing, that would mean the world to me. The excitement of him making the team dulled QUICK when I saw it was $3200 just to play, not even counting equipment ahahahaha.

But I am staying positive and keeping up the excitement for Liam because this is major for him. His coach from when he first started learn to play might be his coach for the travel team and she reached out to me this morning and said that her and the two guys who oversee hockey operations were really impressed with Liam’s development and that he’s always giving everything he’s got out there and after I cried about that for 15 minutes, I decided to just suck it up and make the fundraiser even though I hate, loathe, despise asking for help of any kind, especially money.

And if anyone has any ideas for making some extra money that’s not visual art related (my stick people are fantastic, but that is the extent to which I can draw), I am all ears. 

BUT ALL THAT BEING SAID!!! I am working on chapter 10 for call me sunshine and I think, though I cannot promise, it will be posted tomorrow. I hoped to have it posted today, but I do have actual work that calls me despite how much I wish it would forget my number. 

I have started on a few more requests as well, but again, kept getting distracted with anxiety and life and work. The good news is that when I finish those, there will be 3 or 4 posted really quickly. 

My summer classes don’t start until the 16th, so I SHOULD be able to get through a good portion of the requests by then. I have about 40 in my inbox, which is sooooo many and I am sooooo excited. So if you’ve sent one, I have seen it, read it, and gotten excited about it, I promise. I would have already reached out if I couldn’t get to it or didn’t feel comfortable with it, so just keep up the patience! I am still taking them through May 7th (Sunday). I try to do it first come first serve, but I do occasionally skip one and come back to it if the inspiration isn’t quite hitting. You aren’t limited to just one either, ask @zerokrox-blog how many of theirs are sitting in my inbox or have already been written (it’s probably double digits). I have been loving your ideas and the creativity you trust me with. 

And this is just a friendly reminder that if you ever see a prompt that was sent to me and YOU want to write it, DO IT. I am not a hoarder of ideas. These ideas aren’t even mine to begin with. If someone wants to see it, they deserve to see it in many ways and many interpretations. And the same goes for expanding or writing your own version of something that I write! If I had the time to make everything I write into a 100k fic I would, but I don’t, so if someone else wants to, then please just tag me in it so I can read it!

Thank you guys for all of your kind words and encouragement, especially lately ❤️

[myretransitiondiary]

Morning gaming sesh of call of duty. Rudegrrl2667 on twitch if y'all are interested haha. Anyway. I'm posting a pic rn because I have like... *Knocks on wood* perfect skin RN and I have no idea why. I haven't been avoiding the foods I'm allergic too (turns out I'm mildly allergic to wheat, corn, beef and whey I found out super recently). I've been going to doc appointments because very often I get small hive-like occurrences around my nose and also on my back that last for weeks and sometimes even months.

I wish I knew how to get rid of the hives or whatever they are for good but unfortunately they are unpredictable and seem to have no rhyme or reason no matter what I've been eating or not eating (I've tried cutting foods out and also not, and still it's unpredictable). But today is a happy day because they aren't around! First time in months. Interestingly, my father also has issues with his skin and rashes on his face occasionally. Anyway, my skin is doing crazy good rn and I have no clue why lol.

Gratitude is important. I have so much to be thankful for in life. I've experienced a lot of bad in my life, yes. But also so, so much good. I'm so proud to come from the family I come from. I'm so proud of all of them and I feel proud to carry the same last name. I want to start accomplishing things. My family are doers. I need to start doing.

I got a seasonal position at Nordstrom at the perfume counter, it's a short term gig but it's kind of adorable. Looking forward to having something to do and making some money in quite a bougie atmosphere tbh haha.

I have to admit, I struggle with holding down jobs. I don't get fired, but I have moved jobs many... Many times. I have had bouts of panic and depression that pop up without warning that makes me want to give up which has lost me my fair share of amazing job opportunities. The knowledge of this is a little painful. I just want to do well and feel successful in my life and it seems like that is the one thing I cannot seem to achieve yet. It's not like going on disability is actually an option either, I've thought about it from time to time. It's just not enough money to live off of ultimately. Idk. It's definitely the biggest hurtle in my life, or has been.

My partner has been kind enough to support me while I've been out of work this time. I don't know what I would do without her honestly in so many ways. She shows me so much love and support, I often hope that I am doing enough for her in return. My partner is a newly transitioning transgender female (mtf). I love her and support her journey fully. I didn't regret transitioning the first time myself. Being Joey was an extremely important part of my journey to becoming who I am today.

Everyone is allowed to regret transitioning if they want to. I'm not saying you can't do that or feel that way. I just.... Don't believe in encouraging that way of thinking. If I had a child who ended up transitioning, I would want them to know that they should love themselves no matter what their human bodies look or sound like. Just because I don't look or sound how I would have if I hadn't transitioned to be a man, doesn't mean I'm not beautiful just the way I am now. I just wish we all wanted to love ourselves and wanted others to do the same no matter what.

God. Sometimes I wish I could give my partner advice when it comes to the next two years of transition for her.... I would tell her to stop waiting to live. Stop... Waiting to "arrive" at the perfect you. Let transition happen to you while you're living your life fearlessly. We are never done "cooking" as I like to say. So just go out and live like no one is watching 😭♥️

[caregivingchrysalises]

hii can i ask for some comfort after getting hurt? it would help a lot but don't worry, take your time! i appreciate your blog a lot, so thanks for being here.

hi sweet thing, buba’s got you~ i’m going to help you feel all better dewdrop~ can you show/tell buba where you’re hurting honey? oh sweetheart i know it hurts angel~ you’re buba’s brave little bird aren’t you baby, yeah? you’re allowed to be upset honey, it’s okay to feel icky love.

would holding buba’s hand help you feel better precious? you can squeeze it as tightly as you need to dove,, that’s it honey, you’re doing such a good job sundrop. and just like magic you’re all cleaned up angel ~ thank you for being so patient with me as we flew through the ickiness, now onto the fun part, can you buba what kind of bandaid you’d like? we’ve got all sorts of different colors and shapes, the butterflies are my personal favorite though,, what gave it away ^laughing softly^ you like them too sprout? well then i think we have our winner then, in your favorite color or a new one? you want me to pick, hmm well i must say the blue one looks quite dashing ^my wings flutter softly behind me^,, blue just like buba, how right you are my little star. blue looks quite good on you baby, there we have it all patched up hun, and now you’ve got a mini buba to keep you company on all of your outings,, and a charming prinx who’ll always welcome you home to the chrysalis~ i think that’s quite a dashing combo don’t you?

{what’s that look for love, i forgot something,, hmm and what might that be? kisses! why that’s the most important part, can buba kiss your ouchies precious? would that make my little dove’s heart happy? of course love ^softly kisses wherever you’d been hurt^ that’s much better isn’t it love~ thank you for reminding me hun}

thank you for reading and thank you for the ask, i hope i delivered some comfy coziness! thanks for your support!!

~ hugs, atala

p,s, butterfly bandaids for ref!

[slasherhaven]

I just found your account, so hi!! Could I request some HCs for slashers (whatever you’re feeling up to) with an s/o who struggles with homicidal thoughts? Thank you in advance! 💖

The Slashers with a S/O who struggles with homicidal thoughts:

Thomas Hewitt

Super protective. He doesn’t like it at all. He will never feel any differently towards you, he’ll always adore you, but it’s dangerous, you could get hurt and he can’t risk that. But if you decide that this is something that you just have to do, he will try to understand. When the next group rolls in, you can have one to handle, but he isn’t leaving your side just in case something goes wrong. He’s also just there for you if you need some support and comfort when you’re dealing with these horrible thoughts.

New duties. If you go through with the kill and decide this is something you can keep doing, Hoyt is foing to use it against you and tell you that you can help deal with vitcims now. But, on the positive side, Thomas is less reluctant to have you down in the basement with him. And that means more time with your man!

Michael Myers

A little too encouraging. Michael knows you and he knows that you aren’t like him. But if you’re having these thoughts, maybe you understand him more than he thought. He doesn’t care if you kill someone, it won’t change how he feels about you. He’s an enabler.

Date night? Would you like him to take you with him one night? You’ll be able to get a better feel for what it’s actually like to see someone die and to kill someone. He’ll even let you use his knife if you want to give it a go. This is all a very generous offer coming from Michael sooooo do with that what you will.

Jason Voorhees

He is worried about you. Now, he isn’t a hypocrite. He knows that he couldn’t judge you for your thought when he does all the things that he does, but he’s worried about your well being. If the thoughts distress you, he wants to help you. If you plan on going through with some of those thoughts, he’s worried you’ll get hurt.

A controlled environment. He might not like it but if this is something that you really need to do, he will try to be supportive. You can help him defend the camp. You can indulge your thoughts where you are safe, where he can watch and protect you. 

Brahms Heelshire

You? His sweet nanny? He’s more surprised than anything. You’re so kind and sweet to him. How could somebody so caring and nurturing have these kind of thoughts.

You aren’t alone. His thoughts are...different. But we all know that he isn’t the most mentally stable, he has darker thoughts. He can be violent and lash out but never with you. He trusts that your thoughts won’t ever be directed at him. That the two of you can share your struggles and help each other cope. Neither of you have to be ashamed around each other.

Bo Sinclair

Feels more understood. He would never admit it but he always wonders what you think of what he does, if it bothers you or not. Maybe you understand him and his own struggles more than he thought. Was this why you don’t judge him for what he does?

Well, if you ever want to give him a hand. Bo is open to letting you help him with the people who try to pass through the town. He’s still very careful with it, not wanting you to be put in any unnecessary danger. He’ll be right by your side, holding your hand through it all. If you want to back out at anytime, you let him know and he’ll take care of it. After that, he will keep you away from all this nasty stuff in the future.

Vincent Sinclair

He had conflicting thoughts. He’s not going to judge you too hard, he’s just worried about you. He knows that what he and his brothers did wasn’t good but he thought that you were...but you had these thoughts so what was he supposed to think? Is that why you seemed so comfortable here? Did he not have to be ashamed about the things he did...at least not with you.

You can be his assistant. He’s always tried to keep you away from the workroom when he had a victim in there but maybe you would enjoy being there with him. He’d make the offer, it’s totally up to you to accept. He reminds you multiple times that you can leave whenever you want if you decide that these these are best kept just as thoughts.

Lester Sinclair

Who is he to judge? It’s not like he and his brothers are upstanding members of society and who doesn’t have their vices? You’re still you and he still loves you. If you just need some acceptance and comfort, he’s on it. If you maybe want to explore those thoughts, he’ll be there for you.

He’ll take you into town. Where better than to explore all these thoughts than Ambrose? You can talk to Bo about helping out. Next time a group of unsuspecting people come by, Lester will take you with him and you can be his partner. He just wants to help you in whatever way you need to to.

Bubba Sawyer

Are you okay?! Bubba could never judge you for your thoughts considering what his family does but he’s worried about the thoughts upsetting you. If they do upset you, he will be eager to comfort you. If you aren’t upset by them and would actually like to act on them, he’ll be supportive but silently fretting about you being in a dangerous situation.

Officially a Sawyer! If you do act on these thoughts, the whole family is supportive of you. Look at you, you’re taking on their traits, you’re helping to provide for the family. Even Drayton considers you family at this point.

Billy Lenz

Relates to your struggle. Billy understands, he’s had some...concerning thoughts as well, but you know all about that. He would never judge you for this because you had always been so accepting to him.

Supporting each other. You have been a miracle to him, replacing those thoughts with something more positive. You make those thoughts fade and he hopes that he can do the same for you. No matter what, the two of you are there to support each other when you’re struggling, you taught him that.

Asa Emory (The Collector)

Will take you to the hotel. You know of the place but have only visited rarely. It’s dangerous and not for the faint of heart, so he likes to keep you away from it. But with this new information, he’s more willing to get you familiar with it. He’s surprised by your confession but in the end knows he can’t be too judgmental, he’s actually interested in how this will play out.

Eases you into it. He’ll show you around, show you his collection, show you a victim he is already holding. He’ll let you watch him work, reminding you that if you want to back out, you have to say so. He can’t help if you don’t speak up. But once you’re standing at the table, knife in hand, him right behind you, he reminds you that it’s now or never. Do you really have the stomach for it?

Jesse Cromeans (Chromeskull)

Supportive. He’s not going to freak out or think differently of you. This is interesting and he wants to explore it further with you. Unless the thoughts distress you, then he will worry and he won’t push you to act on them.

Accompanying him on his ‘business trip’. If you do want to act on those thoughts, you’re coming along with him this time. Even if you normally travel with him, you’ll be playing a part in his ‘work’ this time. He’ll even let you watch some of his tapes so you can prepare yourself for what you’re going to be experiencing. If right then you decide that you can’t do this, that’s perfectly fine. But if you’re still okay to go through with this, Jesse will bring you a victim himself, subduing them so that your first kill can be easy. He doesn’t want to risk your wellbeing at all. He’s right there the whole time and you can back out at any moment, he’ll just deal with them instead.

Otis Driftwood

Want to give it a try? It’s a genuine question, not one to pressure you. Otis knows that this isn’t for everyone and that homicidal thoughts are very different to actually killing somebody. If you want to explore it, he’s super supportive, but if not that’s fine too. He’s oddly...patient about the whole thing.

Proud. If you go through with the kiss and it turns out that you enjoyed it, he is just so proud of you. Look at you, fitting right into the family. It also reaffirms to him that you are happy with him. You’re fucked like the rest of the family, still better than him, but it looks like the two of you were just made for him.

Baby Firefly 

What are you waiting for?! Why did you say something sooner! The two of you could have been killing together all this time! She wants to hear every grizzly detail of your thoughts. She is the biggest enabler but reluctantly understands if you don’t want to actually make these thoughts real. But you know where to find her if you change your mind!

Victim shopping. Baby will make a night of it. The two of you heading out with the intention of bringing a victim or two home. She wants you to pick your first kill, this is a big deal! And if you decide you don’t want to kill anyone, you can help her bring her choice back.

Yautja (Predator)

Isn’t quick to judge. His race is known for being ultimate predators, killers, so he’s not going to demonise you over some thoughts. Talk to him, help him understand what you’re struggling with, he is here to help you and support you.

Will train you. If you wish to explore these thoughts in a more...realistic setting. He will help you. He’ll teach you how to focus those thoughts on something more worthy, how to hunt worthy kills and avoid hurting anyone who’s innocent. Will teach you their honour code and how killing can both bring you honour or bring you dishonour. He’ll guide you through it all.

[ariendiel]

Hey, I hope this isn’t a super annoying question but you’ve altars got such beautiful and positive content - what helped make a Noah route more enjoyable in the actual playthrough? Any advice you can impart?

Not annoying at all! I love these kinds of asks, so thank you! 💗 I'll make this my detailed guide to how I make the Noah route enjoyable (to me at least), but without playing it as a burn-the-villa route because I actually don't enjoy my MC being mean... Hope it might help some of you at least!

Please note this all requires projecting a lot of feelings etc. onto MC, which I think is a requirement for most routes to be fair. I'll add this post to my masterlist and will replay the game soon-ish (and for the last time) to make sure it all makes sense with any possible changes etc.

My guide to a nice* Noah route

Day 1: Choose Noah, I never minded that Hope "stole" him (it happens) but it does help if you – like me – want to create a "what if?" storyline in your head while playing. I've also never been a Bobby stan**, so I don't mind being in a friendship couple with him and just reject him. ** If you're a Bobby stan, probably choose someone else.

Don't flirt with anyone else at first, that way he will approach you during the evening and you can chat for a while before Hope comes to, uhm, collect him.

Day 3: Since MC is in a friendship couple with Bobby, and not really interested in anyone else here, flirt with and couple up with Rocco. The sympathy you get throughout Roccogate, while also forgiving Marisol, is quite nice – especially because you get protective Lucas.

Speaking of Lucas, I tend to flirt with him during etc. but then purposefully don't save him so that MC is again left feeling like there's no real option for her (Bobby is her friend, Rocco grafted on someone else, and now Lucas has left). This helps in the build-up to Operation Nope. Choose Henrik here if he's your preferred part of Lurik.

Day 7: Help Noah win the Mr. Love Island competition (I'm still salty they changed it so that Bobby is the one to approach MC initially. But just imagine Noah is the one doing it).

Day 9: Choose Noah for your Villa date. At this point, I headcanon MC and Noah as very good mates who increasingly look longingly at each other. Nope is rapidly falling apart, and book boy is feeling lost. The date is also just lovely in general. Hope picks first at that recoupling though, so pick Bobby.

I would recommend coupling up with Bobby here, but this time because he actively will encourage you to participate in ON. Like, you can project onto him whatever motivations you like, but it definitely makes MC kissing Noah feel a bit more... valid?

Day 10: Kiss Noah during Operation Nope (I don't like to be too enthusiastic when they plan it though, feeling pity for Rahim especially).

Day 11: If you don't like Jakub: Go on the date with him, and hate every moment of it. Break up with Bobby, saying your head's turned.

Day 12: Listen in on the conversation between Noah and Priya, it's quite cute I think – and makes it clear that Priya is quite bitter Noah is into MC and not her. This, I think, is why she later is the one to purposefully tell Hope in front of pretty much everyone that Noah is into MC and wants to couple with her.

That night, when the big argument happens, there are a few dialogue options I'd recommend over others: 1. Suggest coming up with a compromise. 2. Suggest giving Noah space to think. 3. Admit you like him, but say you won't act on those feelings. This way, Noah won't snap, Hope will forgive Priya, but not you, and at least to me it feels like MC is genuinely just tired of the whole thing and Hope yelling at her. Note: I haven't played the game in a while, but will do so soon to make sure these are all the same as they were over a year ago.

Day 13: Disaster recoupling! Noah will pick you, and just enjoy this for as long as it lasts. Literally it is so lovely to be coupled up with him and you get to learn quite a lot about him. Kiss him before going to CA.

CA: Ugh, just get through it. I prefer to stay loyal to Noah throughout, mostly because suddenly MC's girl"friends" don't think she wants to be serious with him and at least this way it proves them wrong.

Day 17: Noah switches to Blake. This man's a notorious over-thinker, and a combination of insecurity and Blake playing the game made him switch. Don't think too much about it, other than take note of how he switched to the girl that managed to "mimic" MC in how she behaves, rather than the one that looked like Hope. It's the little things, really. Say you're happy for him, and just enjoy how genuinely sad and apologetic he is, but also how he almost certainly thinks he's completely blown his chances with MC for good.

Day 18: THE PAIN. Everyone ignores MC and her feelings completely, instead working together to get Hope back with Noah for some bloody reason. The worst day on a Noah route, but you can tell Noah isn't really into it, and by this point it's hard to tell if Hope is just playing the game or not (I choose to imagine her knowing she has to be with Noah to have a chance at winning. I love her, but she's competitive and wants to win).

During the recoupling, I usually choose to save Jakub and stay with him in a miserable couple until the end. But choose whoever you're not really interested in from here on out.

Day 19: Fail the ‘Mister and Missus’ challenge. Your partner, or Jakub at least, will be genuinely mad at you for it. If you have low enough relationship points, Noah will make you breakfast the next day. ❤️

Get through these days and the gossip-sneezer drama as best as you can, ignore Hope and flirt with Noah when you can. Honestly, the chemistry and building (s*xual) tension between him and MC is so good if you're into him.

Admit to Chelsea you're into him***, that way you get to chat with him on the roof terrace, say you like him. *** I can't remember the day this happens on, but will check later.

Day 22: Flirt with Noah that morning, and notice how Hope is acutely taking note of it, because not much later she'll corner MC and ask her who she fancies. Here, you can't say Noah, the game forcing you to say someone else (I say Jakub because my poor MC is coupled with him and it feels like the "right" choice, but choose whoever you want to couple with). After you say a name, Hope will literally sprint out and tell this person, before quickly going to Noah – most likely to tell him about how much MC fancies [insert name here]. This, combined with literally everyone expecting it of him, is why Noah blows his last chance at being with MC and chooses Hope at the recoupling.

I think we mentioned it quite a bit in our Noah character analysis (here), but note how his speeches when choosing Hope get less and less emotional and more robotic as time passes.

Don't do any gem options with your partner by the way, and don't kiss them etc. Treat it like a simple friendship, and nothing more. It makes it a lot easier to imagine that they're only really with MC and laying it on thick at times because they're in it for the money.

Day 24: Whoever you sent home out of Lurik comes back, you can swap to them without hurting your chances with Noah if that makes it easier to steal the money. I still don't like to outright cheat or flirt with them though.

Again, just enjoy and take every single moment you get with Noah to flirt with him. He flirts back and is so very clearly into MC it hurts.

Day 28: Say no to being your partner's girlfriend (if you haven't flirted with them much up until here it's super awkward and feels forced). Noah won't have asked Hope to be his girlfriend either, so neither of you will technically cheat later, as they're pretty much just formally coupled up. Agree to chat with Noah on the roof terrace that night, and straight out admit you like him – don't go for the kiss... yet.

Day 29: Just get through the prom knowing that all Noah and MC, depending on how you project, can think about is the other. Hook up on the roof terrace that night, and accept that Noah won't just run back in and break up with Hope right away (it doesn't make much sense to do so, and Noah is not one to act rashly).

Day 30: Steal the money. Go talk with Noah and Hope first. Noah breaks up with Hope and you get that wonderful pool scene with him where he says "I love you".

Good luck, and let me know how it goes or if you have any questions! Now go get that sweet pixel librarian 📚

[shoutoismybaby]

Omega Shame Part 2

Part 1 / Part 3

Thank you guys for all your interest! It made me super happy to see so many people excited about my writing, so I hope you enjoy and stay tuned for the last part soon!

Warnings: Angst, depression, mentions of fighting (bc hero training)

***

The classroom didn't smell right.  Not only was your serotonin inducing scent the class had gotten accustomed to in the past couple months missing, but a certain caramel smell had a hint of burnt rubber and ash to it. Despite some of the girls hearing commotion coming from your room, you didn’t answer their calls or knocks, so no one knew what was going on. The only knowledge the class had was that you weren’t in class and Bakugou was upset. Well, more upset than he usually was.

Even his best friends, whether or not he would admit that’s what they were to him, would earn growls and bared teeth if they got too close. Other than that though, Bakugou was generally unresponsive. Only caring when people got too close, but he didn’t respond when Aizawa called on him, or when the lunch bell rang. Only shoving the teachers hand off his shoulder when he came to check up on the blond.

Bakugou was just too caught up in his thoughts to really be aware of his surroundings as he followed his class aimlessly to the cafeteria.

Even though his body was in the P.E Training grounds, his brain was back in time to your dorm room. Back when your body began to tremble at the sight of him, the way salty tears rushed from your eyes when he started to speak. Your throat squeaking as you begged him to spare the nest you had constructed. It was beautifully made, if you had asked him. The way your soft blankets were woven together with your favorite weekend clothes, pillows being used to stable the walls. It looked incredibly comfortable.

Bakugou knew that Omegas could get upset if their nest was intruded without permission. But he also knew he was nowhere near your circular haven. Yet, you were crying, shaking, and begging.

It was then that it dawned on the hothead that you were scared of him. His omega was Terrified of him. It made his heart beat erratically, how could he make someone he cared about so scared of him? Especially his own omega. It was his job to keep you safe, to take care of you and make sure you were comfortable. You trusted him to fulfill this role, but you thought he was going to destroy your nest?

It made Bakugous’ buzz in confusion. It made no sense that you would be freaking out just because your alpha walked in your room.

Unless you weren't even his omega by choice. What if you just accepted his courting gift because you were afraid he would hurt you? He had been told multiple times throughout his life that he needed to stop being so aggressive,  that he would scare omegas away, but he had always brushed those comments off. He had thought that he would find someone who liked him despite his anger, and he thought you were that person.

Clearly, though, you were too fearful of him to even reject his proposal. Your trembling body inside of your nest was undeniable proof of that. You were too scared to even tell him you were nesting, and if the sight was evidence enough you didn’t seem to have or want his scent anywhere close to your nest. He should have noticed it before. What kind of alpha scared those they were supposed to protect?

You probably just got off of your meds to make him happy too. You had made so many sacrifices to keep him happy, and the thought of that made his blood boil. He had been a terrible alpha to you. He had to end this, he couldn’t put you through anymore pain. His inner alpha cried at the thought of having hurt you.

His large hand moved towards his opposite wrist, gently shimmying the bracelet that sat on it off. It was your courting gift to him, since you insisted on making him something in return. It was simple, made of skillfully twisted threads in his hero costume colors. His heart had skipped a beat the moment you presented it to him, not that he would tell anyone that. Especially not now, not when all the memories he shared with you were put into perspective.

He remembered how it felt as though the threads burnt his skin on its way past. How it dragged his heart down with it as it fell to the floor. Since then, he felt numb to the outside world. It didn’t matter how many times Kirishima tried to get him involved in their 1-1 match, he mostly just stood there, letting his instincts do the bare minimum to protect his body.

“Come on man!” His body dodged another hit just enough before slacking again, causing the redheaded alpha to growl. “You’re not responding to anything and you smell, honestly bad bro. What’s going on with you!?”

The only thing “going on” in Katsuki’s brain was replaying the pain in your eyes over and over. Replaying how you were scared, no, terrified of the person who was supposed to protect you. His omega wasn’t his omega anymore, and his alpha felt broken. He felt alone.

He could only focus on how he failed to do his basic duties. How he failed you. Everyone had been right when they critiqued his anger. He was too aggressive to deserve an Omega. Clearly he couldn’t treat one right no matter how much their smile made serotonin speed through his brain. If he couldn’t protect you from himself it was ridiculous to think he would do anything but fuck up protecting Japan from villains. He was a terrible alpha who couldn’t even treat an Omega properly, so what was the point? He wasn’t even good at his innate purpose.

By now Kirishima was getting desperate. All day his best friend had been growing more and more despondent, and he was scared for what that meant. He just needed Bakugou to talk to him, Kirishima wanted to be reassured that he was okay. And he had an idea of how to pull Bakugou back into the present, even if he didn’t like it.

“I don’t want to do this but, I’m really worried about you. Bakugou is this about (Y/n)?” The blondes alpha perked up at the mention of your name, drawing Bakugou’s head up with it.

“The girls said something happened in (Y/n)’s room last night and,” He hesitated, ruby eyes falling to Bakugou's large wrists. “You’re not wearing the courting bracelet she made for you anymore”

His words caused a whimper to leave Katsukis throat. Kirishima had no idea what kind of pain that reminder brought to Bakugou, but he could guess. The way the blonds hands clenched and brows furrowed made Kirishima's heart drop, he hated bringing up things that could hurt Katsuki. But he could only fix the problem if he knew what was wrong, and for that he needed Bakugou to talk to him.

“Did, did you guys break up?” Kirishima kept his distance, afraid of what Bakugou would do once he snapped out of his trance. But all Bakugou did was begin to shake, blinking furiously as he became aware of his surroundings once again along with the hot tears that flooded his eyes. Kirishima ran towards his friend then, placing a hand on the other alphas shoulder in a hope to be any bit comforting without overwhelming his friend. He analyzed the way Bakugous nose scrunched, causing his large canines to show as the first sob burst out of his trembling frame. It was so powerful that the blond lost his balance, falling into the stunned redheads arms. Face tucked into his friends chest, shielded from the attention his sobs were bringing from his entire class.

“Bakugou…” Kirishima ran his hands up and down Bakugous back gently feeling the way the blond fisted his shirt in desperation, “What happened? You can tell me.”

“I’m a terrible alpha,” Bakugous voice was shaky and Kirishima almost felt guilty at how relieved he was to hear it. “No you’re not man, wha-” “Yes I am!” Bakugous voice reached the same volume as his sobs that interrupted his speech. “She thought that I was going to destroy her nest, she was scared of me. I was supposed to defend her when really I’m the one she wanted protection from.”

Krishima didn’t know how to respond to what his friend said. Eyes too wide in confusion as he looked towards his teacher for answers. You had always been absolutely smitten with Bakugou, just his presence in the room made it seem like you radiated love and positivity. It didn’t seem that Bakugou needed any further encouragement to continue though, as his next statement sent ice down the spines of the whole class.

“I failed as an alpha… I don’t want to be alive anymore.” All Bakugou wanted to do in that moment was curl up and die. He didn’t have a purpose anymore, so he didn’t see the point of existing. It was then that his body seemed to shut back down in order to conserve energy, he began to slack in Kirishima's arms leaving him sitting on the ground despite the redheads' many protests. The revelation of how his best friend felt bringing tears to his own eyes, and a recognition to his teachers.

“Aizawa, what's happening to Bakugou?” Kirishima asked, struggling to hold himself together as he knelt in front of his friend. Bakugou’s eyes seemed more void of life than ever as he stared aimlessly at Kirishima's shirt.

“Someone call Recovery Girl, I fear that Bakugou has developed an Alpha depression.”

***

Tag List:

@pasteldana-blog @fandomtrash1616 @cyntinaaa @my-neighbor-todoro @anime-weeb-bnha @professionalreblogs @thenerdyrebel @weeb-reading-trash @procrastinatingmurder @myherotrashbin @spicyfoodboi @tspice283 @inumorph @rubyreds-stuff @mscarterakaviola98 @arcticsakura

[angstsfordays]

Beautiful Pain (7)

Chapter Seven- Gone

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced! Reader

Summary: Post-Blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the Blip.

Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.

That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-Blip world.

Chapter synopsis: In your pursuit of Karli and her group, unexpected revelations come to light. Lines are now crossed and that there is no turning back.

Warnings: Violence. Angst. A bit of language. Maybe a tear-inducing moment?

Word count: 5k

Notes: In celebration of the last ep, today is a double release! 🥳 We are already at the 7th chapter of this series. It also has covered one of the most climactic episodes of the TFATWS series and wow, I can't believe we are here! 😱

I have yet to see the last episode but I have plans to do it tonight. I thought I could put it off until I finish writing for ep 5 but I couldn't wait. This would help me to plan the direction I want to come for the upcoming chapters. 😌 Hope y’all will stick to this series despite the show has ended. 😅

Please let me know what you think of the series so far! 🥰🙏🏼

The tag list is still open! Let me know if you want to join with a message or comment in the chapters!

Previous: Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six |

Next: Chapter Eight

-------------------------//---------------------------

With Zemo’s inside information, all of you were heading to Donya’s ceremony in hopes to find Karli. You weren’t sure what to do knowing that you had secured a possible chance with Dovich to talk to Karli.

Grabbing your blazer, you made the move to join your group when you were greeted by the sight of John and Lemar walking towards you all.

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you to pull this shit.” John thought it fit to lecture your group. You were walking beside Sam when you heard Bucky sarcastically questioning John on how he managed to locate your group.

All of your annoyance grew as John decided he doesn’t want to miss out on the action given his new status and hence, responsibility as- urgh you don’t even want to say call him that title in your head.

“Come on, man. You don’t think three Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing too much attention?” Lemar responded in kind.

John in all his fear of missing out started to question why you all had broken Zemo out of prison. Bucky patronizingly mentioned that Zemo broke himself out technically but John grew more irritated at not being taken seriously.

John’s higher than thou self was drawing attention with his loud talk and Sam had to cut him off. Zemo explained that he knew of Karli’s location and indicated continuing on his tracks before being stopped by John.

Sam went on ahead to explain that Karli would most likely be at Donya’s memorial and interception would take place there. Lemar noted the risks of casualties give n that civilians would be present.

John seeming pleased with the information started talking of a plan to take Karli in by surprise. This plan of ambush didn’t sit well with Sam and he proposed to talk to her alone. John refused, saying he didn’t want the possibility of losing Karli again.

Sam countered back that it was the best timing to reason with her, as she was now feeling vulnerable with someone dear to her loss. John vehemently rebuffed Sam’s proposal and claimed that reasoning with Karli was not an option, given that she had bombed a building with people in it.

Lemar, who you observed to be more level-headed than John ever would be chimed in that Sam could be attacked without any backup.

“And if I go in hot and the ops go wrong, more people will die,” Sam stated firmly.

“Sam is right.” Everyone turned to you and you continued to speak. “Look-” You shook in disbelief as you were about to break the promise you had with Dovich but you knew the situation called for it.

“I met with one of Karli’s guys.” All of the men were stunned at your revelation and you could see the betrayal on Bucky’s face more so than the rest.

“When was this?” He spoke up first as he looked on at you in disappointment.

“When we were out fishing for information on Donya, I miraculously spotted him on the streets and followed him. We talked.”

“And you didn’t bring him in?!” John accused as if you had done something terribly wrong. Bucky turned to give John the stink eye before going back to you.

“Why would you keep this from us at all?” Bucky couldn’t believe that you would have kept this information from him of all of the people.

“I promised him, he was going to talk to Karli for me after the memorial. He was our best chance to persuade Karli rather than go in by ourselves. We might not even have a shot.” You defended your actions.

“And how was he so agreeable to your request?” Bucky asked disdainfully. You didn’t like his judgmental stare at you, like as if he couldn’t believe you managed this feat.

“I saved him before back when we all fought the Flag Smashers on the truck. I convinced him with sincerity, happy?” You snapped back at the brooding super-soldier. Sam witnessing the once again tense exchange between the two of you intervened and spoke.

“That’s good, Y/N. Well done.”

“He said that he would only have me speak to Karli but I think you should do it, Sam. I can do talk to him again once he contacts me. You are the best one of us to do it.” You knew of Sam’s experiencing with counselling soldiers dealing with trauma and knew that he would do a better job to talk to Karli.

Sam was encouraged at your support for him and pulled you into a side hug which you returned gladly to him too. Bucky grew irritated at how your relationship with him was continuing to sour and began to feel disheartened. John being the thorn in your side still did not relent in his opinion.

“Are you gonna let your partner walk into a room with a super-soldier alone?” John continued to harp on the matter.

“He dealt with worse and he’s not my partner.” Bucky curtly answered.

“I trust Sam, he’s more capable than you think.” You chimed in. Bucky gave you a brief warm look as the two of you had put your differences aside for a moment to agree on Sam’s competency.

When Lemar asked John to give this plan a chance, you could see the latter wavering on his stance. It seemed his soft spot for his partner and friend worked. The men still thought it was better to go for the memorial straight as they were not sure if Dovich could hold up his end of the promise.

You showed hesitation but decided to give in, knowing that you were outnumbered. Zemo led the group to approach a little girl and you could see him giving some money to the girl in exchange for the revelation of Donya’s memorial.

You all were soon directed to an old building and the little girl pointed up to a stairway before going off. Sam gave you a nod before making his way first.

John took it upon himself to cuff Zemo before stopping Sam, informing him that he only had ten minutes with Karli. You had it with his bossy attitude and wanted to throw a punch in his face.

As the time passed in the room, it was silent. Everyone took a spot to wait but John was pacing up and down. Bucky positioned himself near the door while you took a spot opposite Lemar.

Your eyes glanced nervously to Bucky, suddenly feeling all weird and awkward. You never had this feeling in a long time. The only time you felt his way was when you had just started living with him as you two were on the run and in hiding.

The sudden comfort and ease you had with him seemed to vanish with your first fight as you would call it.

“Hey, uh-now it’s not really the time…” Your attention to Lemar who was now speaking at you directly. Giving a surprising look at his unexpected conversation starter, you listened intently.

“I really am a fan of yours.” Your mouth opened slightly in surprise at his revelation. Tilting your head to the side, you gave him a quizzical look.

“Just thought your powers are really cool. I was amazed to see them in action back in Germany.” You weren’t sure how to react but nodded shyly and thanked him. Bucky couldn’t believe what transgressed in front of him.

Peering over to see you with a bashful expression, he couldn’t help to grow irritated out of jealousy.

“Were you born with them?” Lemar inquired politely and you nodded in response. Lemar had another look of wonder before continuing to ask.

“That’s extraordinary.” You shrugged your shoulders as you didn’t know what to respond. Sure, you know your powers were to be envied but you didn’t think of yourself holier.

“It’s nothing to be envied. I find more respect for people who are able to do extraordinary things without such advantages.“ Your humility gained a deepened sense of admiration from Lemar. “Thank you for your service.” Throwing a smile in his way, yours grew wider as Lemar returned one your way.

Eyes looking over to John, you gave a slight brief nod before looking away. You also had to acknowledge his contributions but you didn’t like him as much so that was the best you could do.

Minutes passed again before John grew more impatient by the second.

“No no no, this is a bad idea.” He started whispering to himself as he shook his head fervently.

“It hasn’t been ten minutes, John. Just sit tight.” Bucky noted with a huff.

“Don’t patronize me.” You could see John getting fed up with Bucky. Walking towards the other end of the room from where Bucky was, John stood to look at the clock and you saw the determination in his eyes. “That’s it. I am going in.”

“Woah, back down mister. You’re being too rash.” Moving to the side to block his path, you held up a hand to stop him from moving.

“And you’re being too relaxed.” He seethed impatiently at your interception. As his hands laid on your shoulders to move you physically, Bucky immediately went to snatch his hand away.

You felt yourself being shifted backwards and towards Bucky before he took a step in front of you. Both men puffed up their chests in dominance and looked at each other with distaste.

“This is all really easy for you two, isn’t it?” John’s eyes moved to yours before landing back at Bucky. “All those serum and powers running through your veins…”

“Your partner needs backup in there. Are you really going to have Sam’s blood on your hands?” John enunciated each word of his last sentence strongly to pressure you.

In a matter of seconds, John looked at the opening Bucky gave when he came to protect you and went for it. He quickly made his way to where Sam and Karli were.

You saw the look of distraught and betrayal on Karli’s face before she lunged for John and knocked him and Sam over. She immediately made a run for it with Bucky hot on her trail. Helping Sam up, you two made your way to back Bucky up.

The big building was an unfamiliar maze and the three of you tried to find Karli’s location. Hearing the sounds of crashing and gunshots, you all tried your best to follow the sounds to the exact location.

When you arrived at the door, you opened it to see Zemo knocked out cold on the floor. John was already at the scene and Lemar just joined a few moments later. The little pieces of glass with unknown blue residues confirmed your suspicions on what they were.

Oh god.

-------------------------//---------------------------

“I deal with the power broker when the time comes,” Karli reassured the two men were worried about fighting two wars with both the power broker and Sam’s group.

“And I know a way we can deal with Sam without getting involved in a direct fight.” Karli intended. Nico and Dovich exchanged a brief look before Dovich asked how they were able to do so.

“We separate them. And then we kill Captain America.” Karli’s intentions didn’t sit well with Nico but he maintained a neutral expression. Dovich sat on the thought for a moment and remembered about you

“Hey look, Sam’s group is an odd mix but I don’t think they mean any harm. Except for Zemo, of course.”

With furrowed brows, Karli indicated for Dovich to explain himself. Dovich decided to speak about the earlier encounter he had with the Avenger.

“I talked with Y/N prior and she promised that she didn’t want any bloodshed.” Karli scoffed at her friend’s words and shook her head in disbelief. How was Dovich so trustful of you?

“That’s what Sam said too. But guess how it turned out.” She retorted with her own example to show how your group couldn’t be trusted.

“She’s not like that. I believe her, she can be trusted.” Dovich insisted. Karli and Nico were curious as to why was their friend was pushing for you.

“What’s gotten into you, Dovich? Why are you defending her?”

“Karli, she saved my life back in Germany. Her actions then spoke louder given she only met us for the first time.”

“She’s still loyal to her group. She’s loyal to the Avengers.” Karli continued to put down Dovich’s vouch for you. He then decided to change his tactics.

“I think she can be convinced to join our group. Imagine if she stood on our side, we would be unstoppable.” Karli looked up in interest as she considered the possibility of you fighting for their cause. Indeed, with your powers, the Flag Smashers would become a force to be reckoned with.

“That’s impossible.” Karli tried to reason with the fact that you were still with the enemy and you wouldn’t be turned so easily. She knew of your history and how you were loyal to a fault for Bucky Barnes. Would you so easily leave your friends to join them?

“She empathises with our cause. She said so herself.” Dovich added in finality, hoping that Karli could be convinced.

“Hmm, we’ll see about that.”

-------------------------//---------------------------

Your head was spinning from earlier events and you came back to the common room once you had a quick shut-eye upstairs. You could hear Bucky and Sam bantering about the same old topic on Steve’s shield.

You also heard Bucky’s comments about Walker and shook your head in disbelief at how inherently frustrating the man was. What could have been a successful peace talk with Karli was ruined by his brashness to display his authority.

The door burst open behind you and you looked over to see John coming in with Lemar, demanding for all of you to turn Zemo in. Sam took charge of the situation and put John in his place, stating he had been nothing but a thwart in your plans.

John being the arrogant pick he was tried to size up Sam, mocking him by saying he could put down the shield to make it fair for the both of them. You were fuming with the blatant disrespect that John was showing.

Before you could take another step, a familiar spear swooped in and lodged itself in the pillar near John. The familiar sounds of metal clanging let you know who was arriving and you saw familiar Dora Milajae members walking into the room.

Understanding the Wakandan words that were being spoken, you knew the Dora Milajae were here for Zemo.

John being the arrogant prick that he was, was proud to introduce himself as Captain America. An awkward silence ensued when they didn’t return a response. Sam tried to help John out by advising him that he should be careful to step on the Dora Milajae’s toes.

Ignoring Sam’s words, John went on to tell the Dora Milajae that they had no jurisdictions it had little effect when Ayo refuted his claims. Seeing John scoff before taking a step towards Ayo to place his hand on her shoulder, you immediately winced once Ayo swiftly knocked John down in three moves.

The scene in front of you unfolded quickly as John were quick to fight against the Dora Milajae and Lemar even stepped in to help his partner out. Seeing how the two men were hopelessly struggling with the warriors caused you to cringe in embarrassment.

“We should do something,” Sam said as he had the same sentiments as you.

“Looking strong, John.” Bucky commentated sarcastically with his arms crossed as if he was fine with how things were.

“Bucky….” Sam said in a nagging tone, as if Bucky was a child who did not want to do his chores. You looked over to give him a nod to say that Bucky should indeed step in before John really gets pummelled.

“Ayo, let’s talk about this”. Bucky stepped forward to intervene. Looking to the side, you saw one of the Dora aiming to give Lemar a blow before Sam stepped in. She managed to knock Sam down onto the couch and you knew it was your chance to step up.

You refused to use your powers with the Doras so you held your hands up to negotiate with them.

“Spare him, please.” You pleaded on Lemar’s behalf. The Dora withheld her weapon as she looked over you, recognising you from your Wakandan days. She left you

A sound of metal dropping caught your attention as you saw Bucky’s arm falling limply on the ground. His astonished expression accompanied by pain at Ayo’s disarm of his arm also brought you a shock.

In the midst of the chaos, you found that Zemo had disappeared. Ayo went to open the bathroom door and checked the room. She stated that Zemo was gone.

Ayo stated that their business was finished here and they would take their leave first. You helped Lemar up before walking over to Bucky who picked up his vibranium arm in disbelief.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asked and Bucky shook his head in response. You bit your lips as you weren’t sure what to say.

In an attempt to comfort him, you reached over to give his shoulder a squeeze. Bucky was glad that your previous enmity towards him seemed to be gone and your interactions seemed to be back to normal.

“They were not even super soldiers.” Hearing John’s dismay at his utter defeat, you almost felt bad for him. Sam gave him a once over as John stood up, acting he was fine before leaving with Lemar.

The three of you left couldn’t believe Zemo made his grand escape even with all of you in the room.

-------------------------//---------------------------

The three of you were making your way out in search of Zemo until Sam received a call from his sister. Apparently, Karli called Sarah as a strong message to Sam. Karli threatened to involve Sam’s nephews if Sam didn’t do as she said.

Your head shook in disbelief, you believed Karli to be different. To hear that she was pulling such a tactic changed your initial opinion of her. Sam received a message to meet her alone but you and Bucky wouldn’t let him go in alone.

Once the three of you suited up, you all made your way to the location. Entering the open plaza in the building, Sam called for Karli and you saw her head popped into view. You all made your way to her level.

You let Sam approached her while Bucky and you put yourselves at the side. Sam called her out for trying to involve his family but Karli replied that she would never harm them. Her eyes moved to where you and Bucky stood, noting aloud that Sam didn’t come alone as intended.

Karli reiterated that she never wanted to hurt Sam and that he was just a tool in the regimes she vowed to destroy. Killing Sam would be meaningless to her.

“I was gonna ask you to join me. And maybe Y/N back there. Dovich has spoken highly of you.” Seeing your eyes widened in surprise at the offer, Karli smirked before continuing.

“You could do better than them. You would be welcomed and appreciated within our circle. I know of your loss, your grief with the rest of your original team gone. You can find purpose with us.” You stepped forward as if her words were drawing you in.

Sam and Bucky were at a sudden loss at your movement. They didn’t think you would even process Karli’s proposal and were curious to know what you were about to do.

“Karli, I resonate with your cause.” Your words took your friends by surprise. Were you really going to switch sides?

“But I don’t approve of what you did back at the depot. I thought better of you.” You expressed your stance on the matter. Karli scoffed before giving her reply. “Don’t give me that. I don’t need your approval.”

“Shedding blood is never an option for me.” You stood your ground firmly.

“Fine, I admit my mistake. If you join us, I will make sure there would not be lives cost.” Karli tried to coat her words in favour of you.

She knew that she would do whatever was necessary for her to achieve her goals and even if it were to pretend to pander to your moral values, she was willing to give it a try if it meant she could have you switch sides.

Seeing your conflicted dilemma, Karli egged on. “Is it because of him?” She nodded back to Bucky. You looked over your shoulder to see him equally You looked at her with a perplexed look before she smirked once more.

“I read up about you. You came into his defence when he was accused of a crime he didn’t commit. You revealed your powers publicly and that got you thrown into the raft. Ever since he has been pardoned, you had been with him all this time.” You didn’t know where Karli was going with this but her next sentence finally made you understood.

“This only means one thing. You like him, don’t you? He’s the one holding you back.”

“No! What are you talking about?” You spoke through gritted teeth at how she chose to play this out. How could she expose you like this? Your ears burned with embarrassment at the revelation that stunned both Sam and Bucky.

What was Karli implying exactly? Bucky looked over to see you visibly shaking in anger and he was taken aback by how Karli’s words affected you.

“Even now, I see the way you are looking at him. At how angry you are now? You mad that your secret crush is out in the open?” You looked up to see Karli’s smug face and you controlled your energy from bursting through your hands.

“Stop your bullshit. Don’t act like you know me!”

“Please, I am letting you know that he is not worth it. You would do so much better for yourself if you join our cause.” Karli retorted and you hated how she acted like she knew what was best for you when she barely knew her.

Sam always had an inkling that there could be more from your relationship with Bucky but he kept silent on the matter out of respect. He knew that it was best to leave you figuring things out on your own.

He recalled how he had caught you and Bucky in an intimate moment back in the club at Madripoor and figured you two were more than it seemed on a friendship level.

Seeing Karli use such an approach to almost taunting you in the context of persuasion didn’t sit well with him. His inner big brother wanted to come out to defend you.

Meanwhile, Bucky was appalled to learn of everything from your exchange with Karli. Was it possible that you had liked him all this while?

When he talked to you about Madripoor earlier, he remembered your pained expression when he tried to void what happened between the two of you.

Was it because you were hurt by his denial? He must have sounded like the world’s biggest jerk. If you really liked him, he would imagine you being heartbroken from what he had said.

“He is worth everything.” Your very statement made Bucky looked back up in shock. No way would he ever thought you would like him in that way. He thought you were just being the kind-hearted and empathetic person that you always are to follow a guy like him.

Quick flashbacks came to him as he realized that you had always been by his side from breaking free of HYDRA to being on the run, following the Avengers civil war, his time in Wakanda, the fight with Thanos, Steve's leaving, his pardon after the Blip and up to now.

It dawned upon Bucky that he had taken you for granted. If you were gone right now, he could only imagine that he would possibly go the deep end.

“He is the most important person in my life and you don’t get to talk about him like that when you don’t even know him.” You asserted with renewed confidence. You figured while this situation wasn't ideal, it was the moment you had to tell your truth.

Looking back, you met Bucky with a small smile.

Bucky’s heart soared at what you had just said. To be regarded as your most important person was the thing that he never knew he needed.

You knew that your words inadvertently had answered the pressing question on Bucky’s mind. Karli knew she had failed to get to you after the answer and decided to lose her shot with you.

You hear Sam picking up something on his comms, stating that it was Walker. Karli was alerted and decided to make a move first. Bucky immediately jumped off as soon as he saw Karli doing the same.

You lifted yourself off and saw Sam knocking Karli over before he turned to Bucky, telling him that he would send him the location. You didn’t have time to say anything to Bucky, he only gave you a look of understanding before you both knew that there were more pressing matters at hand.

Sam nodded to you before you did the same and you followed him as he took off.

-------------------------//---------------------------

You sent a blast towards the glass ceiling before you and Sam landed in the building. A crash was heard next when you recognised Dovich to be the one that was crashing. You looked to see John walking into view and your mind scrambled to analyse what was going on.

Dovich went ahead to use a metal pipe against John, but John pushed back and even bent the pipe into half like a rubber hose.

“Oh shit,” Dovich uttered before John sent him flying to where you stood. As Dovich looked up at you, you eyed him to go and heard Sam speak up.

“What did you do?” John didn’t answer the question and informed that the Flag Smashers had Lemar. Growing a soft spot despite your brief interaction, your heart dropped when you realised that Lemar was in danger.

John went ahead first before Sam followed behind. You placed your hand on Sam’s arm to pause for a moment, looking at Sam anxiously.

“Sam, I think he took one of the serums.” He nodded grimly at your words, indicating that he shared the thought too.

The two of you followed John where you were all ambushed by a member of the Flag Smashers. All of you tried to fend yourselves and you soon see Bucky joining the scene.

You were met face to face with Dovich. You gave him a look that said you were reluctant but had no choice to fight him.

He took you on and you tried your best to avoid his quick moves. You shot multiple non-fatal blasts at him to knock him over. He was doing his best to keep up with the speed at which you were throwing your blasts.

In the next split second, you sent two direct blasts to his chest that knocked the wind out of his chest. The following moment, you heard a loud collision and you looked to see Lemar crashed against a stone pillar.

A loud gasp escaped your lips as you realised what had just happened. Lemar’s head fell slightly as you saw him lost consciousness. John immediately walked over to his partner and repeatedly tap him to wake him up.

You swallowed heavily as seconds passed and Lemar had no reaction. John called Lemar’s name over and over to no avail. You see John looking back his shoulder and directing his line of sight on you.

“Do something!” He cried out to you. You were at a loss for words as you didn’t know what he wanted you to do. You looked over to see Sam and Bucky equally stunned at what had occurred.

“I read your file. You brought someone back to life before!” You knew what John was referring to but you didn’t know if it could even work.

“I can’t, my powers don’t work like that-” Your powers came from your life force so you were able to transfer it to someone to regain theirs. However, you only did it once and it was because someone was dying of hypothermia. It was a different situation from Lemar’s.

“Please! I’m begging you! He’s everything to me!” John’s desperate plea touched you, knowing that he had said similar words to what you had said before about Bucky. You understood his plight and made quick steps to where he was.

Everyone looked upon the scene as you crouched down to your knees. You gave John a wary look before you brought your hands to Lemar who was lying in John’s arms.

Summoning your energy into your palms, you placed them on Lemar’s chest as if you were using a defibrillator. You pumped several sets of energy into Lemar while John patted him for a reaction.

When Lemar still showed no signs of life, the look of defeat on John’s face broke your heart. Tears start welling in your eyes as you looked at Lemar’s lifeless body. You saw Karli and her group starting to make a run for it.

Sam and Bucky made a chase for her immediately. John handed Lemar over to you before he sprinted for the window in front of you.

You could see the look of vengeance on his face and knew it didn’t bode well. You gently laid Lemar on the ground before waving your hand with your energy flames and placed it on where his heart was.

Rest in peace.

Your energy flames dissipated into his uniform and you stood up to follow behind John. You managed to catch him chasing after one of the Flag Smashers ahead of you. He was throwing his shield with brute force to knock the guy on his feet. You saw how the man was pleading for his life, claiming that he was not the one who killed Lemar.

John placed a foot to hold the man who was flailing his arms desperately. In a blink of an eye, he brought down the very shield that was used to protect people onto the man.

“NOOOOOOO!” You cried out in an attempt for John to stop his actions but it was too late.

Your eyes widened in unbelievable shock at what just transpired. When John lifted up the shield, you saw the blood that stained the legacy of the shield- Steve’s legacy.

You turned to see that a crowd was formed and people held out their phones to record what had happened. It didn’t sit well with you to know that in a matter of seconds, the whole world would also be watching this horrific scene too.

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