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wolfiesmoon · 1 year ago

Text

A day to remember

Inumaki x gn!reader

this is a request!! thank u so much for requesting💗anyways time for jujutsu tech prom hehe😌 (lets pretend prom is a thing in japan and that there's actually enough students to do a cute thing like this lmaoo)

also since this is a prom fic, the second years are now third years and the first years are second years

@noomon one tag for uuuuu

The atmosphere was oddly lovey-dovey at Jujutsu Tech recently. Prom was just around the corner, so it wasn't exactly odd that spirits were high, but considering the usually grim faces that you see in the halls of the school, it does feel strange to see everyone so excited.

Then again, you suppose it is better to make the most of every day as a sorcerer and little joys like this are precisely what make all the death and injury worth it.

But, on the topic of prom... You don't know who to go with! You might just end up skipping out or going alone if you must (Gojo will probably force you to go). After all, prom isn't all about dancing with a guy and romantic stuff, it's about having fun with your friends and laughing at the memories you made as students of this school.

Or, well, for this kind of school, maybe some of the memories are better forgotten.

"Hey, senpai!" you heard a familiar voice behind you. It was Yuuji and Nobara! They often come to talk to you about random things so you aren't at all surprised to see them.

"Hello." you greet them, wondering what crazy story they'll tell you today.

"Do you already have a date for prom?" Yuuji and Nobara beamed.

"Do I- No, no I don't." that's the question you were expecting the least. Why are they asking you this anyways?

"Great." Nobara huffed, very satisfied with your answer. Yuuji seemed even more excited than before. You had little question marks floating above your head.

"Why are you happy about me being single? Are you two trying to tell me something?" your eyebrows furrowed slighly. But then again, Nobara and Yuuji are idiots (affectionately), so you don't think they're seriously trying to insult you.

"Oh, actually, it's because-"

Nobara slapped a hand over Yuuji's mouth before he could continue his sentence. "It's nothing, don't worry about it." she smiled at you, dragging Yuuji away and muttering something you couldn't quite catch.

Huh. How strange.

But now that you think about it, there is one person you'd really like to go to prom with.

The next day, Panda approaches you after class.

"Hey, you should like, totally follow after me right now. I have something to show you." Panda suggested cheerfully. And why not? Knowing Panda, he probably just has something funny or stupid to show you, which is always a pleasure.

As you followed him, a strange feeling started rising up inside you. You felt oddly fidgety and excited. Maybe it was the whole prom thing. I mean, with the strange conversation you had with the second years just yesterday is it that much of a stretch to assume that you're about to get confessed to via a prom invitation?

Nah, you shouldn't get ahead of yourself. If anything, Panda's going to let you in on someone else's promposal plan so you can help them out. Not that that's a bad thing, you just really get your hopes up sometimes.

You were being lead down a dimly lit hallway in one of the more secluded areas of the school. There was even candles here and there, to set the mood, you assume. Wow, this is really a last minute invitation. They're asking you to help out at the last possible moment, huh?

You soon found yourself in front of a group of students, all lined up to make a little walkway for you and Panda. Panda stops right at the end of the line, motioning for you to continue walking. All the other third years lined up were smiling knowingly at you. What in the world is going on?

You walked down the line of students a bit hesitantly, taking the flowers each of them handed you along the way. Oh wow, this is impressive. And also definitely means that this promposal is meant for you. You can feel your heart start beating faster with excitement when taking each rose into your hands.

Who orchestrated a confession so grand? Please be him...

Nobara handed you a rose when you walked by her, smiling proudly at you. Now the question from yesterday makes perfect sense.

At the end of the line of students, you saw a few of your classmates holding up signs that said "I know I'm not a man of many words, but I really need you to kelp me out here. It's almost prom night and you're still not together with me (which is criminal in my opinion). This isn't just a prom invitation, by the way. Will you go out with me tunaight?"

There's only one person that could have written those signs. Not just because of the familiar handwriting, but also because of the words he chose. And sure enough, Inumaki Toge was proudly holding up the middle sign, looking at you.

You clutched the makeshift boquet of roses in your hand. It was him after all.

In all three years of your schooling at JJT, you've found Inumaki Toge to be especially charming. You had a bit of trouble talking to him at first, but you quickly got along after you bridged the whole "onigiri ingredient" gap. Honestly, you don't know how long it's been since you felt... a special way about him.

It took you a while to realise, but you definitely like him. More than a friend.

And knowing it's mutual...

He looked at you with such hope in his eyes that it made you want to hug him and kiss him all over. And so you did.

The sign he was holding fell to the ground as you embraced him tightly and he immediately hugged you back, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to him. As if that is the place where you belong.

"Yes, yes, I'll go to prom with you!" you yelled happily, leading everyone around you to cheer. You didn't really notice it because you were busy kissing Inumaki's cheeks, but all the other third years looked satisfied, knowing their ship has sailed at long last.

"But bad onigiri ingredient puns, really? I'm feeling the second hand embarrasment real hard right now." your face scrunched up slightly, cringing.

He simply giggled quietly in response, squeezing you again.

You can't deny, that is so him.

454 notes · View notes

vettelsdarling · 1 year ago

Note

Hey Lissie! Another Hamilton 5+1 for you because I love the format, hehe. Straight to the point, here it is:

5 times Y/N woke up without Lewis and one time they woke up together.

I can definitely see a potential for angst and a bit of misunderstanding or yearning?! Lewis can either be a f1 driver or have it as an AU with another job! The prompt needs a good reason of “why” for the absence and I am more than certain your mind will come up with a brilliant answer. I am thrilled and again, have fun!

𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Lissie note… I love this prompt so much ugh!!! I changed it a slight bit to falling asleep rather than waking up (just for dramatic effect). Thank you for the prompt, love<3

Things to note

Reader is a paralegal

Lewis is frequently gone for races

They’ve been dating for 4~5 years and live together

There is a tiny age gap but it isn’t that bad

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x gf!reader

Warnings: Slight angst???

Word Count: 5.3k+

Playlist recommendations: 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒, 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭💔, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟💗

Taglist: @allwaysalleyway, @drugged-kitkat, @darleneslane, @littlesatanicassholebitch

His arms were warm. They were comforting to lie in and snuggle into. He trailed his fingers gently through your hair, as you slowly dozed off.

That was a dream.

The cruel reality of the real world, in the form of an obnoxious iPhone alarm, woke you up. It was already 6 AM, and your routine consisted of a hefty amount of self-care. This meant that you had about 10 minutes for a shower, 50 for hair care, and 30 for skin and makeup. Breakfast was out of the question. So much for self-care.

Before you left, you made sure to feed Roscoe and give him his well-deserved cuddles. Things had been hard ever since Coco passed, but Roscoe was still a happy spirit.

You went to the garage, noticing your boyfriend’s all too famous purple Mercedes. Your heart stung for a second, but you brushed it off. It was important to support his endeavours, instead of sulking about him.

You decided to go with your vintage beetle. Driving around in it was what kept you grounded. You’d gotten it for your 18th birthday from your parents. Not from your lover.

The fact that you didn’t quit your 9-5 paralegal job was also rationalizing, you didn’t stay home and leech off of your rich man. He was more than just a wallet. He was your partner. Besides, the media had already started to suspect that he wasn’t single anymore. Though he hadn’t been for years. The two of you had met coincidentally over a cup of tea with your boss. Lewis was his client and you were the first to oversee the situation before handing him off. That was about 6 years ago. For four, the two of you had been together. You had only given him your number regarding his case, but he’d taken the opportunity to ask you out.

Now, the two of you lived together in a mansion overseeing a large forest. It was quite far from your workplace, but you didn’t really mind. Having to wake up early was a small price to pay for the tranquillity of the surroundings. Although it would’ve been more tranquil, had you had more time with your lover.

Alas, there was nothing you could do about it.

1 | Shades Of Cool

You sat there on your dreary chair in your dreary office. The white walls hypnotized you into thinking time was going much slower than it actually was. You stared away at it for a while, before someone knocked on your door.

“Hey, can you please do these briefs? I need to clock out for a dentist’s appointment in a few minutes. I promise I’ll owe you.” You accepted the pile and started going at it. Work usually made you forget the empty feeling of not seeing him often. Sometimes you even thought of staying all night. However, for Roscoe’s sake, you never stayed past dinner time. He couldn’t be alone for too long. It wasn’t fair to the poor boy.

It took hours and hours to get through the pile. You clocked out well past midnight and stopped by a pub to pick up some food before driving home. You knew a huge “sorry” was in order for your dog. He hadn’t seen you for several hours, definitely missing you.

You had 12 missed calls from him. Even though he was on an entirely different continent, he somehow found the time to call you. 12 times no less. You decided to call him back after finishing your dinner and making yourself comfortable next to Roscoe on your sofa.

“Hello, love.” You heard from the other end of the line, as he turned his camera on. There he was. His exhausted, but beautiful face. His hair wasn’t tied up. It was relaxed and so was he.

“Hey, Lewis,” you said and turned on your camera, showing yourself next to his beloved dog,

“Roscoe’s here too.” He let out a huff, which stirred a chuckle out of your boyfriend.

“How’s work? How are you doing?” He asked, knowing that you dreaded most of your coworkers if not all. Additionally, he knew that every day was the same at the office. You handled briefs and got files in piles by your superiors. It sucked.

“It’s okay… same old same old. How’s Spain?” You were so used to staying in the UK, you’d forgotten what it was like to travel. As a paralegal, you didn’t have the luxury to do so that often.

“It’s great. Did you see the videos I sent you? This car is incredible, darling.” You hadn’t seen them for one very specific reason; your heart would clench. It would simply give out at the sight of your boyfriend. Missing him was always a big problem, but with races being back-to-back… it hurt that much more.

“I haven’t had the chance to yet, no, but I’ll check them out later.” The hesitation in your voice must’ve been apparent, as he decided to ask into it,

“Something wrong?” You didn’t want to worry him, so you told a little white lie. You were simply just tired. That was it. That was all. Knowing him, he’d worry too much to focus on driving, which was the exact opposite of what you wanted for him. Besides, it’d be selfish of you to make his work all about yourself. Gosh, you really couldn’t stand your obsessive thoughts.

“Well, I promised Valterri I’d meet him at the gym. Sleep well, darling.” You blew him a kiss goodbye before shutting off the feed and turning over. Roscoe huffed and curled up beside you. It was dead silent except for the few wind rustles you heard from the open window next to the TV. It didn’t feel tranquil. No, you were lamenting the thought of being alone for so long. You hated it. It wasn’t an issue during the day. You had chores and you had work to do, but in the evenings when everything always gets quieter— your mind gets louder.

Roscoe was sleeping soundly next to you. Your hand stroked him gently whilst you scrolled through your Instagram feed. Naturally, you ended up on Lewis’ page. He was highly selective of who he was following. You, however, were amongst the few that he did. A smile spread across your face like room-temperature butter would be spread on a piece of bread. You didn’t appear much on his feed, as you liked being private. Though the posts you did appear in, all had captions with romantic undertones. You really were in love with that man.

I can’t break through your world, ‘cause you live in shades of cool…

2 | Sad Girl

The sun had already come to greet you. It was an early Saturday morning, which would’ve been peaceful— had you not forgotten about the LSATs. You woke up on the sofa that you’d passed out on the night before. Dried drool decorated the corner of your lip. What time was it? You checked your phone, only to realize that your battery was low and the test was in an hour. The sudden sound of your phone ringing sent you scrambling to answer it.

“Hey, are you on your way? I studied all night… Hopefully, we can do this.” Your friend, who usually sat in the cubicle opposite you, whined. She wasn’t a strong test taker, based on the fact that it was her 5th time taking the LSATs. 7 and she’d be all done. No more chances. In comparison to her, you were going in for the first time. You’d studied, but you had no idea how the whole thing would turn out. The tests only got harder and harder every year.

“I am, I am. The traffic is just insane at the moment. I’ll see you there.” You hung up and swiftly ran around the house to get ready. Roscoe was reasonably confused at the rush you were in. You kissed his wrinkly forehead before shutting the door behind you.

For nostalgic reasons, you decided to take Lewis’ purple Mercedes. It was the only one of its kind, so it’d make sense if some people recognized it. You didn’t care. It felt like Lewis was still with you, even if he was in an entirely different country. Speak of the devil, your phone buzzed. One message from him… “Good luck with the LSATs, darling”. Your heart clenched. You missed him so.

Traffic turned out to be light and breezy. Luckily, you made it in time for the test. Being a paralegal had its benefits, but it was and would always be a step below the real deal. You weren’t a real lawyer until you took the LSATs. Then, there was the deal with the bar exam as well. That was another story.

“Did you do good? I croaked. I’m toast. I’ll have to take it again…” said your defeated friend and munched down on her lunch that she brought.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t really care at this point…” Of course, you did, but your mind was too occupied by the absence of your lover to hold an actual conversation. He expected you to tune in on his races whenever you had time to do so, but the fact of the matter was— you never could. It made your heart ache with longing. A painful longing for him to come back home. Especially on weeks when the race weekends were happening back-to-back.

“I guess you don’t need to worry. You’ve got your boyfriend’s money to take care of you.” Although you barely listen to all of her blabbering about the test, that particular thing got through to you.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah. You’re literally dating a celebrity. You’re set,” she chuckled.

“Do you actually think you’re being funny right now?” She likely didn’t mean any harm, but with your pent-up agony and rage, it was hard not to let loose on her.

“Calm down, I was only kidding…” You’d made a scene. You were uncomfortable, things were awkward, and the only place your mind wandered to was Lewis.

“You know what, I’m sorry. I’m just really tired after the test. How about we catch up soon? I need to head home.” Your heart was pounding rapidly in your chest as you put the keys in the ignition. It almost felt as if you were an irrational teenager again. His absence did a number on you. It wasn’t always like that though. Throughout the previous season, he would always do whatever he could to see you in person. Whether it was bringing you with him, or flying back home. As the following season started, the two of you realized how unethical and harmful the solutions were to the environment. Coupled with the fact that you were trying to become a lawyer, there was no way to see him. No way to be held by him. No way to fall asleep in his arms.

That night, you stared into the ceiling for what felt like hours. The spot next to you was empty. Completely untouched. The sound of the gentle wind rustling the trees outside helped your brain work its wild imagination. Vivid pictures of Lewis played over and over and you couldn’t help but feel as though the two of you weren’t meant to be. You had conflicting schedules and you couldn’t just take a weekend off every week to go with him to his races. He couldn’t stay for your sake either. He had a job to do. A job that millions of people depended on for their entertainment. Were you an obstacle? All these thoughts drove into your heart like a stake. You wept. It was inevitable. You’d tried to not do so because you knew he wouldn’t want that… but it was hard. Too hard. Your vision was blurry and the sounds of the nature surrounding you were dimming slowly. You were falling asleep.

You haven’t seen my man…

3 | Off To The Races

Sunday morning was brutal. You woke up with a pounding headache due to having cried yourself to sleep. The sun made your situation much worse, blinding you as you tried to get out of bed. Upon checking your phone, you saw a slew of unread messages from your beau. All of them were minutes apart, making it clear that he’d been trying to reach you throughout the evening.

21:30- Hey, you’re not answering your phone, so I just wanted to text you instead. How are you?

21:55- Are you there? You’re usually not asleep at this hour…

22:45- I suppose you may be busy or asleep. In that case, sleep well baby❤️

22:46- Call me whenever you wake up

“Fuck,” you sighed and went to the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror seemed unfamiliar. You didn’t look like yourself at all. No, that wasn’t you. The face looking back at you had swollen eyes and redness coating the corners. Its mascara had been running and dried, giving the face a crustier look. It felt as if you were some little kid who couldn’t stand to be alone for the day, whilst their mother went out to buy groceries. It was embarrassing.

After feeding yourself and Roscoe, cleaning yourself up, and doing chores around the house— you decided that you’d turn on the TV to watch your boyfriend. You were too late for lights out, as they were on their 10th already. It didn’t matter though, for Lewis was in the lead. He had mentioned how good his car was, but you didn’t imagine a 20-second gap. It was pure insanity.

Finishing on top, he ran to embrace the team with a smile. The cameraman followed his every move, and as he did so; Lewis came up to him and stared directly into the lens.

“I love you,” he said. Your heart keeled over and you felt your tear ducts get to work again. It was impossible to watch the rest of the celebration. You shut it off and went to calm yourself down. Breathing heavily in front of the bathroom mirror made you feel like a fool. Love made you weak, but it was a good kind of weak whenever your darling was around.

After a hearty nap, you woke up to your phone buzzing itself off your nightstand.

“Hello?” Your voice was jagged and rough from just having woken up.

“Are you okay? You’re not sick, are you?” His voice was breathy and exhausted. Physically, he was obviously worse off than you.

“Hey, no-yeah, I’m okay. I saw you out there today. You did so great, Lew.” His nickname was one that he adored. The way it rolled off your tongue made his heart flutter with joy.

“I’m glad you saw it. Did you… see the celebration?” He was obviously referring to the message he left for the camera. Your heart pumped faster and faster with adrenaline.

“I-uh… I did…”

“So?”

“I love you too. You know I do.” So much so that it hurt that he wasn’t next to you with his arm around your neck. You wanted to lean against his shoulder as he read you stories that his mother used to read to him. Fuck, it hurt.

“When are you coming back?”

“We still have a few things to do here. Thursday? I’ll be home for two weekends after that.” It was better than nothing, though hearing him say it felt like a long time.

“I understand… I just hope you maybe miss me as much as I miss you?” Yeah, you stooped to that level. Your desperation was starting to reveal itself. Layer by layer.

“Are you insane? Not a second goes by without my thoughts being consumed by you. All I’ve ever thought of this weekend has been you. Staying safe for you, training hard for you, winning… for you.” For a moment, he almost sounded frustrated. But it was just a mask for how deeply he felt for you. The two of you sat in the same boat, rocking through the crashing tides of longing together. Each move was careful to not let the other drown.

“Are you crying?” He asked, careful not to step on any thorns.

“No…” you replied with a slight sniffle, signalling that you obviously were.

“It’s okay, I’m right here. I’ll be back home before you know it.” You wanted to hug him. You needed it so badly.

I’m your little scarlet, starlet, singin’ in the garden. Kiss me on my open mouth…

4 | Video Games

It was Monday, which meant that you could be distracted by your otherwise unforgiving job. Being a paralegal, your duties often consisted of briefs upon briefs which took up most of your 8 hours. You were crammed into a small cubicle with little to no space for any of your personal possessions. You’d hung a few pictures of Lewis and yourself and that was about it.

You stared into the dull computer screen, feeling the existential dread looming over you for every number you typed in. Your eyes were basically goo and the bags dragging them down were more apparent than ever. It would’ve been a pitiful sight for your coworkers if you weren’t surrounded by walls.

“Hey you, wanna grab lunch together? Same place as always. It’s on me this time… since I owe you.” Even an invite to free food wasn’t enough to fully pull you out of your trance. You slowly forced your sluggish head to turn and meet your friend’s. The look of horror etched onto her face was enough to let you know you needed to get outside.

“Sure… I guess.” You dragged your feet along the floor as you followed her to the elevator and outside.

“Is it Lewis again or shitty briefs?” She put in her sunglasses and led the way, locking her arm with yours to not look like she was dragging you against your will.

“Honestly? Both. I don’t get why I keep missing him this much, and I don’t get why some briefs suck that bad.” Lewis was one thing and briefs were more of a frustration. Nothing to cry over, really. You generally enjoyed what you did, so there was rarely anything to complain about. The job was cushy and allowed a lot of free time after hours. Team building exercises were scarce, but not to the point where conflicts arose every day. It was fine.

“We’ll have our usuals,” she said to the waitress.

“Look, you can’t control every aspect of your life. It’s meant to be unpredictable. Briefs suck sometimes, you’re going to feel bad about your boyfriend being gone— c’est la vie.” You knew she pulled that straight out of a podcast. At least the general gist of it.

“Whatever. I guess you’re right, that’s life.” You were just about to jump into a different topic when you heard Lewis’ ringtone from your purse.

“Sorry, I have to take this. I’ll be right back.” You scurried off to the restroom to take the call.

“Lewis? Why are you calling?” A bit harsh with his lack of context.

“Am I not allowed to call my girlfriend who, by the way, is very missed?” Just hearing his voice brought back the life that all those briefs drained you of.

“Of course you are… I’m just out for lunch right now.” You felt like a schoolgirl sneaking off to the bathroom to call your beau.

“Sorry, I forgot you usually do that. I was just checking in to say hi before I go in for a meeting.” His voice was so happy-go-lucky, it made you wonder if he missed you as much as you did him.

“… when are you coming back?” You heard a sigh on the other end,

“They’re keeping me here until Wednesday. I’m really sorry, babe.” Of course. It was as if they didn’t want him to go home. Whilst you supported his job and did whatever you could do to show it— you wanted nothing more than for him to stop everything and be with you.

“It’s okay, we can wait. You should focus on your stuff, okay? Good luck with the meeting, Lew.” Luckily, he wasn’t able to see your face. It didn’t match your uppity voice.

“Thanks. See you soon.”

“Bye.”

You left the bathroom and went back to the table where your friend had begun eating. You followed suit and got back to the office after you finished.

After hours, you stopped by a deli to grab a sandwich to eat for dinner. Roscoe greeted you at the door with a huff and followed you to the dining room. The entire house felt empty without your other part to fill it with joy.

That night was another filled with tears and running mascara.

Pull up in your fast car. Whistling my name…

5 | Go Go Dancer

Your depressive slump had faded after the realization that you only had to survive one more night without him. You decided to call in sick and cash in on a few hours for yourself. It was going to be a personal day. You needed to pamper yourself.

Your eyes were still bloodshot from all the crying, but your soul was cleansed of any negativity. Your favorite playlist was on and you began your day of treating yourself like royalty. All of your skincare was out on your vanity and Roscoe sat in the bed behind you. A warm bath was the first thing you did. Whilst flicking on a rom-com, you sat and soaked in the lavender-infused water. Thereafter, you retreated back to your bedroom. Your hair was up in rollers and your bathrobe clung tightly to your damp body.

Today was a day with no briefs, no worries, no salty bosses or annoying clients. You had all the time in the world for yourself. You ordered brunch and whilst you were waiting for it to arrive, you finished your skincare and makeup. After finding something to wear, you picked up the food from the awestruck delivery guy. He complimented your garden and your house. If there was one thing you enjoyed, it was gardening with Lewis. The two of you had worked tirelessly to make the front yard look perfect.

You ate quickly, drying your hair and styling it afterwards. Roscoe was fed and you were already through most of the day.

You pulled out your nail kit from your stash of beauty products and laid out a protective layer on your bed. The playlist kept shuffling through some of your favourites. A gorgeous purple colour appeared before you under the tons of polishes you had. It was perfect and you knew Lewis would love it too. Not that you did it for him. You brushed layer after layer until you were satisfied with the result. It was glossy and simple. Just purple. Sophisticated, but not boring. The process was repeated on your toes as well.

After that, you decided it was time for some movies and popcorn. Lewis never really enjoyed things like popcorn, only ever allowing himself some dark chocolate with his espresso out on the veranda. So, you had to go out to get some. Since you lived quite remotely, you had to drive for a bit before the nearest store appeared. It was worth it though because you spent most of that night with comfortable blankets, popcorn, and bad rom-coms.

Roscoe was beside you all throughout the night, keeping you company with his huffs here and there. Pure tranquillity was what it was, and you couldn’t wait to do the same with Lewis the next evening.

The current movie had to be paused though, as you heard your phone ringing. It was your coworker.

“Hey? What’s up?” You asked, trying to sound hoarse.

“I just wanted to know if you were okay. Heard you were sick.” It sounded like she wasn’t fully sober and on public transport as well.

“Are you drunk?”

“No- yes- you tell me. We just went out for a drink after work today.” She was very clearly slurring her words beyond sensibility.

“We have work tomorrow, why would you ever do that?” Nobody had the guts to do something like that when your job consisted of aiding clients in stressful financial or legal situations.

“We don’t, actually. All of us were just fired on the spot today. He fired us all,” she chuckled and let out a hiccup.

“What?! What’s that supposed to mean?” Your heart sank. Your job… it was just gone.

“Yeah… I don’t know. I think he was in debt or something. Couldn’t keep it going so he decided to sink us all down with him.” You always pictured the CEO as someone with gravitas and money, but apparently, it was all a front.

“What do we do? Can’t we report it to HR somehow? Sue him for wrongful termination?” Admittedly, as calm and collected you usually kept yourself with work-related issues— you were panicking.

“There’s nothing we can do at this point. The entire company has gone to shit. Wouldn’t want to go back there if I was given a raise.” It sounded like she got off the bus, as you heard the doors open.

“You’re lucky you have Lewis. He can take care of you, right?” There was that dreaded guilt of leeching off of your boyfriend. It was a fear that kept gnawing at your ankles, eventually making it to your throat, knowing you had just lost your job.

“I… I don’t know what to say right now. I’ll call you later when I’ve thought about all of this. See you.” There was nothing more to say. It stung that you were in a position where Lewis had to take you under his wing. It felt wrong. It felt criminal.

You really couldn’t catch a break no matter how hard you tried. Something always prevented you from enjoying life as it came.

… and that night you didn’t sleep at all. You stayed up all night contemplating what to do, whether to sue, whether to leave Lewis and tell him to live a good life?! You were going insane. Embarrassment consumed every fibre of your being. The thought that you would depend on him for your survival…

I'm the girl next door, let me come in. I know I go-go dance but I do it for kicks. I never have to work ‘cause my daddy is rich…

+1 | Once Upon a Dream

You’d fallen asleep in the late afternoon after working on a lawsuit against your former boss. It didn’t matter if you’d get it thrown out of court. You just wanted to fight as much as you could. Your great lawyer friend agreed to help you out, representing both himself and you in the case.

Lewis tried to call you several times with no answer. He wasn’t one to worry about you, since he trusted you and knew you wouldn’t do anything stupid. He disregarded it and tried to enjoy his flight home. He was exhausted and just wanted to come home to his little family.

You usually called him before he’d take off, assuring him that you’d be waiting for him at the airport. However, this time was different. You didn’t call and you didn’t answer. His options were limited, forcing him to take public transport. He didn’t want to call a taxi, as they’d be able to note his address and could potentially put you in danger.

People took pictures and some asked him for signs. He didn’t mind it, though he was falling in and out of sleep. When he got off his stop, he decided to walk the rest of the way. The weather was fair and didn’t look like it would change for a while.

On his way, he stopped by a florist to buy you a bouquet of your favourite flowers. He knew you loved having them on the dining table to show any guests.

He wasn’t far away and could see the garden of your house from afar. Meanwhile, you were still buried under your blankets with the lawsuit on your laptop on the coffee table in front of you.

The sound of the front door clicking and closing could be heard, but you were too far gone in your sleep to notice. He called out your name with no response. You weren’t in the bedroom. You weren’t in the kitchen. No, there you were. Your face was buried in the arm on the sofa and the TV was still playing a movie he remembered watching with you some time ago. He saw your laptop, reading some of the contents that were visible on the screen. It didn’t quite make too much sense, but he didn’t want to pry in case it was private.

“Hey… I’m home.” He shook you gently and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. Being something of a light sleeper, it woke you up almost instantly.

“Lewis?” Your eyes fluttered open, as you had to adjust to the light. You saw the face of your lover and embraced him in an instant,

“Oh, I missed you!”

“I missed you too, darling.” He stroked the back of your head as it rested on his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come get you, I was caught up with work and I fell asleep.” It wasn’t a lie per se. It worked… sort of.

“It’s fine. It’s completely fine. You seem distressed, are you alright?” There was nothing you could hide from him. One way or another he’d find out anyway.

“I lost my job. We were all fired.” He was almost as shocked as you were the night before,

“Are you serious? Why?”

“My best guess? The company was sinking.” You sighed and picked up your laptop. The document already contained 3 sections and 15 pages. You were, however, far from done.

“My friend and I are trying to sue. I’m not sure if it’ll hold up in court though.” Your face looked droopy and sad, something Lewis hated.

“You know what? It’s going to be okay. I know it seems rough, and it is. But look on the bright side. We can find you a better job. Better pay, better equity. Plus, for the time being— you could come along to my races. We wouldn’t need to be separated all the time.” He was right. Your job was cushy, but it had its faults regarding exactly the issues he pointed out. The feeling of missing him constantly didn’t bode well with you either. It was a win-win, really. You weren’t actually depending on him, because it didn’t hurt to ask for help every now and then. Especially when the two of you were so in love.

“Yeah… that’d be nice, actually. I do need to file this lawsuit though. I need it.” Lewis nodded in agreement and smiled,

“Of course, love. You do what you need to do. I’ll be here to help.” You closed the laptop and smiled back at him,

“I think we should cook some dinner. What do you have in mind?”

“Anything. It tastes amazing as long as you make it anyway.” The flattery never stopped. As cheesy as it was— you loved the sentiment.

“Right. I’ll see if we have some rotten eggs and spoiled milk in the fridge,” you joked and he chuckled,

“I love you, darling.”

“I love you too, Lew.”

That night, you fell asleep with his arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest. You could hear how his heartbeat synced with yours. This was complete tranquillity, and you couldn’t believe that this would be your reality for a long time now.

I know what you’ll do. You’ll love me at once. The way you did once upon a dream…

𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻…

𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙡𝙚��𝙨𝙚!

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩! (𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙤𝙣, 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨, 𝙙𝙢𝙨, 𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙨: 𝙒𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧(𝙨) 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚(𝙨) 𝙤𝙛 𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣.) (Please note that just liking the taglist will not put you on it!)

#fanfiction #fanfic #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fanfiction #reader insert #fluff #light angst #angst #sir lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton #5 + 1 fic #f1 x you

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tartagliove · 4 months ago

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hi zebra!!! i hope you don’t mind me asking you a little question about you & tartaglia — i was wondering what drew you to him & what your fav traits of his are? do you have a particular dynamic in mind for you both? 🤭💗

i hope you’re having a wonderful sunday, make sure to keep warm !!!!

VANA HIIII!! it's always so good to see you hehe c: thank youuu, I'm having a lovely day and the sun was shining brightly despite the cold so it was very nice! I hope your Sunday (both the day and the character heh) has been wonderful too!!

oooh these are fun questions! okok so when the archon quest for Liyue came out, as soon as Tartaglia appeared with his "hey girlie, hold still!" I was all o.o and •///• so initially I liked him from the start because he's pretty, sounds nice, and he isn't the biggest Signora fan LAKSJDFAJKDSF (me too, ugh I detested her when she beat Venti up). also he just has really good dialogue and banter with Traveler and I oughhhhh kaljdflkajdsfljasf answering your questions might knock me out

anyway!! I love that Tartaglia is very loyal! I feel like very few people have his loyalty (the Tsaritsa and his family mainly) but once they earn it he would do anything for them. I love that he wants to become stronger and stronger so he always enjoys a fight, especially against strong opponents. and that bloodthirstiness contrasted with his love for his family?? ugh my heart. he adores his family and takes care of them as best as he can even though he's far away on missions. he writes the sweetest letters to his siblings.

soooo that brings me to the dynamic between me and Ajax!! from the moment we meet there's a lot of teasing and banter between us. a lot of pushing each other to be better. once we get to know each other and trust is formed, we become very loyal to each other despite Ajax's occupation. I'm a source of comfort to him from all the things he has to do for the Tasritsa's goals. (idk if you've heard of Epic the Musical but we're literally Odysseus and Penelope especially in the song "would you fall in love with me again".) Ajax returns and confesses the things he's had to do and every time he wonders if I'd stop loving him because of the blood on his hands and I reassure him every time that I choose him!!! ugh I'm going to cry alkdfjasdf so onto lighter things, we fit the fox x bunny dynamic very much hehe. he's a little meaner and teasing and loves to see my reactions and I'll give it back as best as I can! but he can fluster me a lot more easily >u< his face is too pretty...

#i don't have much cannon tartagzea lore right now i fear #i want to see how snezhnaya pans out #but potentially ajax would reach a point where he struggles between his loyalty for the tsaritsa and his love and loyalty for me!#this was soooo fun to think and talk about so thank you for asking vana!#it was nice to ramble about him for a bit hehe •///•#misc: answered #answered: friend #friend: vana #misc: selfships #selfship: tartagzea

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callsign-rogueone · 10 months ago

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been enjoying your writings and I had a thought from the Bodhi/Darling line. And you don't have to give too much detail if it is included down the line in their story. But when Bodhi told Violet that he defend himself from an assassin butt naked in the showers, in your cannon would Darling have been with him In there? Maybe just so they can protect each other? Or would she have learned about this the same time that Violet did? Low-key I kind of hope she was in there cause personally I would have asked if he was ok, then been a little turned on after. Just saying, after reading that in IF I wanted more details... But in your universe how would this have gone down?

oooh I love this ask! I love talking about all the gfs of course, and I’m always happy to answer questions like this so thank you 💗

I saw a theory the other day that Col. Aetos is the one paying these people to keep trying to kill Bo, since canonically he’s the eldest / “most important” marked one that was at Resson (bar X/G who are graduated) and has the closest ties to Xaden. I like it. and I’m gonna roll with that theory for some of the girlfriends… hehe >:)

anyway, I had to think about this one… it might make an appearance in their storyline at a later date, but I don’t know when I’ll have time to write it all the way out so. some thoughts under a cut, since this got long.

I’m gonna say no, Darling wasn’t there.

she doesn’t see 100% of the bad stuff coming, because then we wouldn’t have a plot. more often than not she does get unexplained, impending-doom, spidey-sense type feelings when herself or one of the gang is in imminent danger, so that could have happened here. maybe she’s across the hall in the girls showers and feels it, but doesn’t know why, or maybe she doesn’t feel it at all.

either way: Sìoda and Cuir are homies. they’re the ones bonded to mated humans, not the other way around 😅 so there’s gonna be some relay there, like for all the couples (minus Peach, sorry girl): human to dragon to dragon to human communication, especially in times of urgency. so Darling could ask Sìoda to let the gang know to be on their guard, or Sìoda could casually tell her via Cuir that yeah, your man is fighting some guy in the shower, buck-naked. aaaaand he just won. all clear.

OR, her finding out when Violet does would also be a good possibility. sitting at breakfast or whenever it was (I really need to reread IF) and she takes a bite of her toast then Bo just lays it on her all casual-like. hilarious, but she’d also be upset by it. Darling feels incredibly guilty when she can’t see harm coming to her friends in time to stop it, so even though Bo handled it perfectly, she’d still feel bad, because what if… 🥺

he’d have to do some sweet-talking to comfort her, reassuring her that he’s safe. and he’d definitely bring humor into it, making some inflated remarks about how good of a fighter he is and how nobody is catching him off guard, etc. and I’m 10000% sure he’d drop some playful line like… “Y’know, if you’re worried about it happening again, you could start showering with me every day. Safety in numbers. Buddy system!” <- this said in a playful tone with a lip bite or a wink and some suggestive, not-sexy-at-all eyebrow wiggles. that’ll get a laugh out of her and have her start to feel better.

she’d decline, of course, because she’s a wingleader now and can’t break rules like that, nor does she want to shower in the boys bathroom, and she’s sure as hell not bringing him in the girls one. she might make him start bringing a knife into the shower, though.

but on that note, I do have some shower fun planned for them. Bodhi has his own room (shared with Darling) at Riorson house, with a private bathroom attached. and I bet that the shower in there has excellent water pressure.

#liz.txt #answered #bodhi and darling

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lukesaprince · 6 months ago

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Hey bestie! 🤗 I have a sex related question because you're the only one I trust to ask but if you don't feel comfortable answering me you don't have to keep reading this message. It's totally fine! 💗

Okay, so, I started dating someone and it's like the first time for me.. I mean I liked guys in the past and I did went for some first dates but it's the first time things are getting more serious.. So, he asked me yesterday if I would be okay to go to his place to watch a movie this Saturday. And I said yes of course because I like him SO MUCH and he is so sweet but I'm SUPER NERVOUS because I know that this means we are going to do some stuff that I have never done before. It's gonna be my first time giving oral (or receiving but that's another story) and I literally have no clue how to do it. I mean I know that whatever happens I need to be careful of my teeth and that it's better if you breath through your nose but besides these I don't know what else I should do or not do. Any tips for beginners? (I'm only asking for blowjobs because I'm not THAT optimistic to believe that we're gonna go all the way - I just hope that I won't chop his dick off you know lol) Also I know that communication is the key and blah blah but I just want to have a bit of control about the situation (I'm a scorpio you know, my ego wouldn't survive a disastrous sexual situation) and that's why I'm trying to do some research. Also the guy is literally GORGEOUS so yeah I'm just a girl hehe 🫣

Anyway thank youuuu byeee 💗

Hii! First of all I feel honoured you feel comfy asking me about this so thank you 😚

I’m not an expert by any means I’ve only done it twice lol but the one thing I learnt is that the wetter it is the better. I had a problem where my mouth got really dry which didn’t help me at all but the more saliva the better it makes it so much easier for you and better for him too imo!!

Use your hands as well (make sure they also have spit on them because you don’t want to be doing it dry) around the base too! The tip is extra sensitive so you can like swirl your tongue around it and trace along it.

Honestly though just try to relax and enjoy it. Not everyone likes giving head but the more you like it the better it is for both of you! And your mans sounds sweet and he likes you so he’s going to enjoy it either way. Like you said too communication is good so you can see what he likes and he’ll probably tell you anyway.

But yeah, wetter is better and take your time I hope you have so much fun 😚

#asks

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glowydiaries · 29 days ago

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HAI HAI BELLA JIE!!!! <333 I've heard of the advice you would give to your younger self if you could, principles that you have already learned, but what are some lessons or concepts that you are trying to learn at the moment? I guess you could call it things that your future self would want to tell the you of right now if she could? This probably doesn't count as asking for advice, just me wanting to know more about you, if that's okay ^-^ I hope your having a great day/night !! ❤︎

mireiiiii love it's so nice to see you in my inbox again hehe 🙈🙈 welcome in!

thank you for the lovely question, that's something i haven't really had the chance to think about that much so thank you for giving me the time and the space to do so 🫶🏼 i hope this answer revealed more a bit about me too hehe

we're going to start off with the deepest concept that i'm thinking about right now hehe. 💘 i think one thing i'm still trying to learn is that family will hurt you, whether in the biggest of ways or in the smallest. it's something that i haven't quite wrapped my head around yet, and it's definitely something that will take a long while to process. ❤️‍🩹 i think growing up i've been a very family/community-centric person especially in the context of an asian family, and facing the realisation and not putting anyone on a pedestal – while still giving appropriate respect! – is very important.

next: its okay to reinvent yourself at any moment. categorising yourself into boxes of who am i? can be fun at times, but maybe even stifling if you restrict what you like to only within that box. imagine all the missed opportunities? don't limit yourself. reinvent yourself. the fact is, only you can make that choice. 💓 and the good thing about you making that choice means that you can do it whenever you like. only you have lived 100% of your life. you know what you want, you know when to want. decided on it while you're in the shower? great! thought about it at 4:17pm while tossing around on your bed? incredible. only you can decide who you want to be – no one can take that away from you.

lastly, this one means a lot to me actually... joy is intentional. 🫀 joy has always been and will always be intentional, because it never leaves, and only gets clouded over by other harrowing thoughts. and it is okay not to choose joy. ❤️ please let me reiterate this! because choosing joy to ignore the bad moments is toxic positivity and will end up with unresolved feelings that simmer within and never goes anywhere – honour that sadness, honour that guilt and anger and shame and hurt. 🌼 you have to appropriately dismantle and unravel that tight ball of feelings before you can celebrate that happiness within you again.

i hope these three things could give you a little insight into the things i'm still learning and growing in!! i wish you nothing but love in your life and i hope you have a wonderful day 💗🌿

#big sister column #bella's thoughts

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heartberrydog · 4 months ago

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inquiring out of curiosity and love for your craft and your analysis!

the impression I get from your interpretation is that dazai only ever slept with chuuya - or mostly chuuya, anyway.

for the context, the impression I personally get of dazai in the context of his sexual relations is that he does sleep with people - not neccesarily only women but he doesn't talk about it - as a coping mechanism and an escape from loneliness. as a way to brush off other people, to being briefly, if only physically, understood by someone. dazai is still a very alienated person, after all, and in most cases he either fucks and dissapears or has friendly relationships where he doesn't fully reveal himself - he does enjoy people and encounters with them, he just can't stand actual, true intimacy (or when it's said out loud). but on top of it all I think that dazai either already had relationships with chuuya of sexual or romantic nature before, though it wasn't discussed openly and wasn't neccesarily exclusive/commited - or he wishes he could have something like that with chuuya some day. also he, very likely, has used his body for information or other professional exchange before, I think nurse scene hints at that.

has he only ever truly considered chuuya in your take? I'm very curious as to how you interpret women that dazai apparently broken hearts of by chuuya's own words, or his stalkers/mailers. is it not of interest to you and you don't see him from that lense or it's rather that the nature of this relationship doesn't seem sexual to you? maybe he just does it all for fun? how do you view chuuya in this regard, has he ever had sex or attempted relationship with anyone else? with who, if yes, random one night stands or people from the business? in what time period in your interpretation they start being sexual with one another? how do you interpret the whole "I want to die with a beautiful women" thing, the usual dazai bullshit or a hint at his desire to be understood/accepted or something else entirely?

sorry for the unusually long question/text wall, I'm genuinely extremely interested in your takes on bsd and soukoku because they seem very interesting and well though out (as well as your texts hehe). I hope it doesn't trouble you to answer!

Hi hii! This is such an interesting ask!!! ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!

Genuinely thank you so much for leaving it! 💗💕 These are all things I have very specific opinions about that I’m always waiting to talk about!!! o( > ᗜ < )o ₊˚⊹♡

Okay let’s take these in order 😈

Firstly, yes, I do believe that in the canon Universe, or, well, my personal rendition of it, Dazai would only sleep with Chuuya and nobody else.

BUT, I agree that he would sleep with random people (Well. Men, I headcanon him as strictly gay) in an AU where he either doesn’t meet Chuuya as young as he does in canon, or has made a habit of sleeping with people before he meets Chuuya, or gets separated from Chuuya for a really long time and genuinely doesn’t think they’ll ever see each other again.

The canon Universe, doesn’t fit any of those criteria, so 💔 (except perhaps the being separated one, but whether he saw Chuuya again or not was ENTIRELY in his hands in that scenario. So he always expected them to reconnect, because it was always his choice to make, and he knew that he was going to make it someday. He literally called them meeting again in the dungeon a “reunion long in the making”)

Now as for why I believe this, there are a handful of reasons, and I feel like they all kind of tie into each other.

Firstly, I believe Dazai to be on the asexual spectrum. The aromantic one, too, but that's not particularly relevant in this situation. I think he's somewhere under the demisexual umbrella, which means that he genuinely cannot enjoy sex with someone he doesn't know very well/feels connected to/whatever. And I believe the only person he's actually capable of feeling this way about is Chuuya.

To me, he's at the very far end of the spectrum, in the sense that he wouldn't want that with anybody at all, but he just so happened to meet the ONE person that meets all of his hyper-specific criteria that would allow for an exception. This head-canon is mostly based on vibes (and projection) but I also think it fits thematically for him.

His ability literally entitled No Longer Human is touch-based. And, he feels like that ability dehumanizes him. Abilities dehumanize mostly everyone in BSD, and especially people that are... Anywhere but in the ADA. They turn children into tools, into weapons. This is shown time and time again, and even more so, despite there being an argument to make about how Dazai's intelligence is what actually dehumanizes him, NLH is the icing on the cake. That ability is so useful and so overpowered, it is the final thing that turns him into an elite weapon.

And NLH is bound to his skin. It is activated by touch. Can we be surprised he grows to distain it? Not only because of the dehumanization, but also because he keeps needing to fucking touch people. Strangers. Over and over.

This is also why I think he wears his bandages. They are placed in such a peculiar way. Covering every inch of his skin that isn’t covered by clothing except his hands. Even his fucking neck, in what context would someone need to touch his neck? He can't cover his hands because that would render his ability useless. He cannot cover his face because he needs to see and breathe, or whatever. But in his teens, he does cover half of it. At least half. At least he's not leaving it fully bare.

This motherfucker is so touch repulsed it's insane. And the way he uses his ability, when he has to, reinforces this. He nullifies Atsushi's ability for the first time with a single finger. He places one single hand on Chuuya's neck when they first meet. He never touches more than what is strictly necessary, when it comes to strangers.

Was that “I'm not interested in hugging men” moment towards Atsushi really a “I'm not gay” moment, or was it “I'm not interested in hugging. I don't want you touching me. But I have to play that off. But I have a persona to keep up.”

So, I don't think sleeping with people would work as a coping mechanism. He wouldn't find any escapism through that because bare touch, to him, is inherently vulnerable.

The reason why I feel like he might do it anyway in AUs where Chuuya is not present for whatever reason, is because he is desperate for that closeness to somebody and he doesn't have anybody to project that onto, so he goes into it every time hoping something will change; it is nothing but a stale, fruitless habit. Or, he'd use sex strictly as self-harm, and if he's never had sex with Chuuya at all in such an AU, he probably wouldn't even know it's not supposed to feel like this and he is meant to enjoy it.

And even if this wasn't the case, other people aren't capable of understanding him in the slightest. It would be irritating simply because the person is incapable of reading his mind and doesn't know the hyper-specific way he wants to be treated and fucked. Dazai? Expressing his… wants?? 😨😨

And otherwise, if Chuuya is an option, why would he bother with someone else? Why would he have uncomfortable unfulfilling sex that he hates if the only person that understands him in the exact way which he wishes to be understood, is able to fulfill all of his desires perfectly without him even having to voice them, and that he is simply just interested in and fascinated by like no other is RIGHT there? Having sex with someone else when Chuuya is an option would make the encounter even worse for him, because he's aware of what he could have instead.

So, whatever complex relationship they do have would be exclusive imo, simply because Dazai knows putting the energy into having sex with someone else wouldn't pay off at all, and would only work at making him feel bad, dirty, and uncomfortable.

That being said, I do agree he was taught to use his body as a tool. I think all Mafia members are. This is not only shown through the nurse scene, yes, but also through that Kyouka scene where her first idea for distracting someone is using her "womanly charms". A 14 year old girl. Sigh.

But, Dazai is clever. And he is especially clever with his words. Even though this is a standard Mafia practice, and something he has been told and taught to do, he's able to dodge ever having to actually end up having sex. He can flirt, and he can tease, and he can withhold and dangle sex like a prize until his goal is achieved before the act is even initiated. Then he slips away from the situation. He'd touch the other person using his hands at MOST, when someone is being incredibly stubborn and not budging at all, because that's detached enough, and nobody is actually touching him in any way, he's doing all the touching, and he also mostly uses his hands as the outlet of his ability as well so it helps making it feel like a strictly work-related affair. And he'd know how to talk his way into making that seem like enough, how to make that seem like more than enough, even.

Plus, being instructed to use his body this way would only make him even more touch-repulsed, I fear. Not only is he a weapon, but now he's being reduced to a mere undefined object, too, because of his godforsaken body. He is told to give up all of his personhood and his identity and dignity in order to fulfill a goal. He is being viewed as nothing but a means to an end. Never a fucking person.

His body is the only thing that is permanently his, that he cannot get rid of even if he tried, and he is taught time and time again that it is nothing but a tool. Through fighting, and using his ability, and even offering it as a sexual object, it is nothing but a tool. Of course he feels uncomfortable in his own skin, of course he hates it, of course he wants to cover it up, and of course he never wants anyone to touch him ever again.

Regarding the next point, I have a lot of thoughts about Dazai's relations with and opinions on women as a whole. As in, I think he's deeply misogynistic.

The only reason this slips by people, including the audience, is because he’s not conventional about it in the slightest. Misogyny is not just screaming from the top of your lungs that women don’t deserve rights and they belong in the kitchen, or whatever the fuck. Misogyny can be the very societally acceptable, you know… Disregard for a woman’s boundaries and not taking ‘no’ for an answer *cough* the waitress *cough*. Or leading women on/lovebombing for entertainment and without guilt, as I believe he has done with those women Chuuya says he ‘left crying’.

Plus. He threatens Dazai with giving those women his address, right? Which implies that Chuuya has their contacts, somehow. And Chuuya uses the specific phrase “you left crying” so it’s safe to assume Dazai initiated those interactions then called it quits. Even more so, it implies that he gave them Chuuya’s number instead of his own, presumably because he didn’t want further contact. If it was a consensual one-night stand kind of deal I don’t think those women would have any reason to be crying? Even if they wanted it to happen again, Dazai not wishing for that wouldn’t be heartbreak. Maybe if he acted particularly loving for spectacle and then gave them his [Chuuya’s] number and those women were expecting something more? But I don’t think that’s the case either. Like I don’t think pretending that he loves the person he’s having sex with would serve Dazai for… anything. It wouldn’t help make him feel less alone, and he wouldn’t believe those lies himself. It would be entirely futile unless he’s trying to get some entertainment out of simply fucking with the women’s heads and hearts, which I believe he would do if he wasn’t touch repulsed. So. He does it. Without touch having to get involved. Catch my drift?

So, no, I don’t think those relationships were sexual. I do not think they were anything at all, honestly. They were either transactional (as in, other instances of Dazai using his body, except he only needed to use his charm and good looks and it didn’t have to go further), or they were just Dazai being bored.

He views women, and the prospect of the romantic/sexual they believe can happen (which can’t, not only because of the aforementioned aro/ace identity and touch repulsion, but also because, again, I believe he is STRICTLY gay) as entertainment or tools, and nothing more.

With Higuchi, for example, he flirts with her strictly to distract her attention and plant the tracker. Same thing with Sasaki. We joke about the whole “I’d say she’s sexy as hell” line all the time but like… Is that REALLY what you want to say to a woman you just rescued from death?? And then when he flirts with her he does it strictly to gain something, and he immediately ‘ships’ her with Kunikida for no reason. You know, as if women should always be put in relation to men and any woman/man interaction that isn’t hostile must be of romantic nature?

The woman who dies in the first Ranpo episode, he immediately starts going on and on about her looks. Of a dead woman. And how he wishes, if she was gonna die anyway, she would’ve committed double suicide with him. The way he starts objectifying and viewing this corpse in regards to himself IMMEDIATELY 😭 Lmao.

I’m not saying I expected him to have genuine sympathy. This is Dazai after all. I’m just saying that he jumped to objectifying her SO quick. He always does.

And I don’t believe this is because he’s actually attracted to them. The opposite, actually. Attraction, romantic or sexual or of whatever kind, to Dazai are very, very delicate things, as I’ve detailed previously. He is not one to play with something like that simply for fun.

Even more so, if he was taught to use his body to gain things, do we think the accent of that fell on men or women? It would be safe to assume it was both, right, because that would be objectively more useful?

Okay. Then why does he never use these methods with men when he’s in the ADA? I don’t think saying he’s not attracted to them really works here, because this is not about who he is or isn’t into, this is a work-related affair. Don’t think you could reasonably claim he was into Higuchi, for example.

Well, I think it’s because with a woman, he’s always in the more dominant position, you know, the masculine position. Which he would never willingly be in a genuine sexual relationship, so it helps detaching from the situation. If he was trying to flirt with a man, due to the ways seducing a man and seducing a woman tend to differ, which he was taught, he’d have to be on the more submissive position, aka the feminine position. We see that Dazai doesn’t have a problem with being perceived as feminine (the whole Snow White thing as a concrete example, and just?? his way of being??? he presents very feminine tbh), so that’s not the problem here. It’s not the emasculation. It’s because he’s undeniably (key word because he’s still technically the object in such a relation with a woman, but he intentionally spins that around so the woman is always more objectified than him) the sexual object in this situation, not the other man + in a situation where he’d be able to be the masculine counterpart in an M/M type of flirting situation, it could also be argued that he simply has too much respect for men to objectify them like that.

I mean, not only has Dazai never had any good or important relationships with women, he hasn’t had relationships with women at ALL in his formative years. Kouyou or maybe Gin are the closest, but I don’t think strictly workplace relationships would count enough to make an impact.

Otherwise, all of his friends were men, his partner and the person he worked with most was a man, his boss was a man, his mentee was a man. Idek what I should call Hirotsu in relation to him, but he is a man too.

Two of these people stand out, the most important people to Dazai at the time. That being, Chuuya and Oda—Dazai’s sole examples, at the time, of what a human is like. Both are very masculine men. The humanity which he reveres in them, is mostly made up of masculine traits.

What Dazai considers humanity is the capacity for great emotion, the inability to stomp it even when it would benefit the person. What he reveres in Chuuya most is his anger, his violent outbursts, his cockiness, his power. You know, the most masculine kind of emotion. Violence and masculinity are historically interlinked.

What he reveres in Oda is kindness, which would be a stereotypically feminine trait, yes, but it is kindness through the masculine lens. It is kindness through protection. Even if he doesn’t do it lethally, or misses on purpose, we see that Oda is willing to resort to violence if for the means of protection. When he picks up Akutagawa in Dead Apple, he starts shooting aimlessly. Dazai himself challenges this when he tries to force Oda to shoot that Mimic member before he shoots Dazai. What he is testing there is How much violence is Oda willing to resort to for the sake of protecting? How much will he sacrifice his ideals for his loved ones?

Through both of these, he has subconsciously equated humanity with masculinity.

Which is also a big part of why I view him as genderqueer, because he doesn’t view himself as human, so he doesn’t view himself as fully a man either, but I have another ask in my inbox where I can get into more detail about that. This is still relevant here, though, because it makes his misogyny gain hints of internalized misogyny as well. (EDIT: Here’s the post for easy access <3)

(And even though he interacts with a lot more women in the ADA, all of his important relationships still remain with men. His ‘human’ scope extends to Atsushi and Kunikida, and maybe Ranpo, but it’s still just… Men. He recognizes Yosano, for example, as a woman worthy of respect but he doesn’t. He doesn’t really care for her existence. He’s not a RADICAL misogynist to the point where he would bring down any woman, he recognizes that women have merits, he just puts the women that do and the women that “don’t” in separate categories, and only deems one of those groups worthy of respect. Plus, even with women he does respect, he doesn’t interact with. He doesn’t care for them. Most notable interactions Dazai has had with women where he wasn’t objectifying them were that scene when he’s talking with Kyouka on an ear piece, and the scene where he tells Gin she’s grown. And the Gin scene is fucking debatable considering it could be argued he did that for no reason other than to embarrass her.)

Anyway. This derailed a bit. POINT WAS. Dazai’s “attraction” to women is superficial and objectifying, and his only notable relationships are with men. And also, idk where this could be inserted organically in the analysis so I’m just gonna add it here: I believe the womanizer trope is inherently misogynistic.

So… No. I don’t think those relationships were sexual. Explained in too many words 😔

Chuuya gives me a very different impression, though. I find this so funny because I have basically assigned Dazai every kind of queer identity under the sun, in some way (+ I also believe he’s autistic. Should’ve probably mentioned this in the touch-repulsion thing too but I forgot), and then the only thing Chuuya has is... bisexuality 💗

Maybe a hint of demiromanticism. Actually. Yeah. Definitely demiromanticism. But that is IT.

So, I do think he’d sleep around very casually. Honestly I could see Chuuya sleeping with almost every adult in the BSD cast 💀

Or, well, I think he’d be willing to, but it’s debatable if the other person would, and he’s not going to be the one to initiate anything, so…

Which brings me to the answer to the other question. I don’t think he’d go for people in the business himself, he’d probably only initiate things with strangers, but if someone from the business happens to initiate it (and is also sober and legal ofc ofc), he’d most likely go along with it.

Not trying to say he’s like ahajsn a slut or anything. He’s just a chill guy 😔

But, if I were to actually justify this belief, I think Chuuya is a very very flexible individual. So much of his existence is based on catering to others, so of course he is. I also don’t believe he’s very picky when it comes to these kinds of things. He doesn’t exactly have a type when it comes to looks, and he doesn’t view sexual relationships as something that needs to have personality compatibility, so as long as someone isn’t plain icky, he’d probably accept sleeping with them.

Plus, if the other person initiates it, that’s always an ego boost, you know? And even if they don’t, I do think this man KNOWS how to flirt + he’s hot 😔

I couldn’t tell you how he picks the people he goes for, honestly. Probably just vibes. He’s not like Dazai to psychoanalyze every detail about each person down to the micro-habits or whatever. Probably due to him being neurotypical. And regardless, he can mold himself to most types of people and their personalities/wants/needs. The only thing I don’t think he’d be able to do is act submissive, honestly. That one’s just not in his nature 😔

But I don’t think he’d try actual relationships with anyone. Honestly he didn’t even try with Dazai either, it just kind of happened. I believe he understands the risks dating someone brings to someone with his… occupation. And dating someone from the business would be suuuper awkward + he can’t really deny the power dynamic, considering he ranks above most people in the Mafia, and since Dazai’s departure there aren’t any executives for him to date.

I just don’t think he finds appeal in workplace relationships. Dazai is an exception because their relationship was never just strictly workplace, and technically they met before either of them were even working there.

Still believe his and Dazai’s relationship would be exclusive, though. Not because it is anything official or discussed or acknowledged, but simply because Chuuya understands the way Dazai is. Not only does he know that Dazai would never be capable of sleeping with anyone else, but he also knows that Dazai possessive. And, strangely, I do think Chuuya… respects that, in a way? Like he respects Dazai and their bond too much to go around sleeping with other people when he knows Dazai would be opposed to it, even if he never voices it. I actually have a fic idea in the works that tackles this but… I never know when any of my ideas are actually gonna end up getting written 😭

As for when they start being sexual with one another, I don’t have a concrete time. I like not having specific head-canons for these kind of things so I have more freedom with my fics, and also because I’m so full of ideas I could NEVER settle with a single time or place or way that could start and be happy with it. There are always variations.

Though as a time-frame, it’s almost always between 16 and 18, mostly leaning on early 17/late 16—after Stormbringer, in any case. If needed for a particular plot line, or character beat, or whatever regarding the form of the text, I’m also willing to do 22+. I don’t think I’d ever go 16-, though.

Shjensjs I feel like this could’ve fit better somewhere in my gigantic misogyny rant, but I saved it for the end specifically because it was mentioned here. I have… takes on that. Dazai’s whole “suicide with a beautiful woman” spiel, i mean.

I’ve said some of my opinions on Dazai’s suicidality as a whole in the previous analysis, and I do stand by that. I find the fact that he moreso enjoys the attempts and the romanticized idea of death than actual death relevant here. Doing it with someone, specifically a woman, adds to the romanization.

I’ve seem people say before that this is moreso about Dazai being lonely and not wanting to die alone, which I do agree with but in a bit of an unconventional way. His loneliness cannot be filled, and he is aware of this. He knows dying by someone’s side won’t make him feel less alone, but he likes the idea of feeling so, or at the very least the idea of other people not perceiving him as lonely.

Don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but I do think Dazai, much like any man ever, feels the societal pressure to be attracted to women. It’s the “default”. Due to me viewing him as autistic, I believe he’d psychoanalyze the shit out of societal norms and bend himself to meet them so he stops feeling so alienated from his peers (it doesn’t work ofc). Which is another reason for him to dislike women, really—him being attracted to them is a societal expectation that he is not capable of meeting, and so he pretends he does. I meannn… He never really showed interest towards women until he left the Mafia, right? Until he was out in the “normal” world, per se? No longer in the underground where being gay was probably, at the very least, acceptable as a vice?

The ideal of this ‘romantic suicide’ isn’t about the woman (but it has to be a woman, otherwise it wouldn’t be perceived as romantic. Gay people aren’t exactly recognized by society + once again that thing about Dazai subconsciously respecting men too much + him not wanting to be seen as gay), or about dying by the side of someone he loves (even more so, one of Dazai’s ways of showing affection is precisely being AGAINST a person dying. This isn’t about a genuinely romantic suicide, it’s about a romanticized suicide. About it being perceived as romantic by outsiders), as dictated by the fact that he is particularly looking for a woman he is not acquainted with in any way. It’s literally his leading offer with any new woman he talks to. Motherfucker STARTS conversations with this 😭😭

Plus, this ideal reinforces his objectification of women and his use of them for his entertainment. Through wishing for a double suicide with a woman, he is basically saying his death should also, ideally, mean the death of a woman. He is saying women interest him most when they’re willing to kill themselves (or when he can mess with them, in a broader sense). He is, again, viewing the value and existence of a woman in relation to himself and what they can provide him. He is carelessly including a, hypothetical, sure, but potentially real woman’s life in his fantasy of death; he seems to be okay with sacrificing the life of any random and probably mentally unwell woman in order to fulfill a goal of his.

This is why it makes me so mad when people in fics make him offer double suicide to someone he’s genuinely interested in 😭 Namely Chuuya, obviously, but shhh.

Dazai doesn’t think dying by someone’s side is genuinely romantic, just superficial romantic. He romanticizes his own death (and doesn’t care for the woman he’d do it with enough to even form opinions on hers), because he doesn’t value his own life, but he’d never do that with someone he genuinely cares for. When he cares for someone, he wants them to live so bad it’s honestly… a little endearing, sometimes. How he values life so intrinsically and subconsciously despite his upbringing, and his desensitization to death, and his belief that he is inhuman and incapable of genuine emotion.

+ It’s literally CANON that Dazai wouldn’t want to commit double suicide with Chuuya 💀 That time in SB where Mori agrees that Dazai’s wish for the perfect death would finally be fulfilled if he got killed by Guivre, but says he knows Dazai will fight anyway because if he allowed himself to be killed, nobody would be able to save Chuuya and they’ll essentially commit double suicide together?? And then Dazai says “Committing a double suicide with you would be the worst. Just this once, I’ll take this seriously”???

Like, both interpreting this as Dazai intended it to sound (double suicide with Chuuya is entirely repulsing to him because them dying side by side would ruin the romanticism), or as what he was probably actually feeling (he will not be able to enjoy his death, even if it is exactly as he’s idealized it, if he know Chuuya will also have to die due to his selfishness) lead to the same conclusion. THIS FUCKER DOESN’T WANT CHUUYA TO DIE!!! He doesn’t want his death to mean Chuuya’s death!!! Because he views Chuuya’s life as more precious than himself, and because Chuuya is dear to him and one of Dazai’s most prominent love languages is feeling responsible for the lives of those he cares for. Especially so in Chuuya’s case. Especially when Corruption is involved. I like to think this is more romantic than wishing to die with a random stranger.

MOVING ON. You have nothing to be sorry for!! These are always my favorite kind of asks to reply to. I adore talking about my opinions and writing analyses wbsksj especially if I can be sure someone’s interested in reading them!! (๑>◡<๑)

If you’re interested in more of my weird little opinions I talk about them unprompted all the time in my ao3 comment replies <3 I have a hunch you might enjoy going through the comment sections and seeing what analysis you can fish out. Or just leave more asks. That definitely works too. I love asks >:D

Have a fantastic day!! 💕💗💓💕💗

#🫀 — asks!#💌 — analysis!

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