#thank you again for still being here and never failing to make this lil goon smile!

[2aceofspades]

Happy New Years Ace!

Here's to more silly goon adventures and kindness in the coming year!

~-- --- .-. ... . / .- -. --- -.

Morse anon!!!

Happy New Year!

(It's sparkling cider I assure you as I am not a fan of alcohol bleh-)

Cheers to that for sure yes!! I am wishing you all the best in this new year 🙌✨ Thank you for being so lovely and sticking with me in these trenches, my dear morse anon. I appreciate you lots 🌟

[randomnameless]

Chapter 10 - Chronos to Miletos!

Welp in the last post i said Seliph ended up in Chronos, but no, he rekt’d Morrigan in Rados (even if i think you’re supposed to seize Chronos last?).

Anyways, after destroying evil people, Seliph meets his half-bro who’s playing the latest trendy game around.

But first, Seliph’s stepdad tries to do something.

Oldvis hasn’t seen Ishtar in ages! Naturally he asks how she’s doing.

kill that, it was just small talk. And, oh, surprise, Oldvis doesn’t care about the child hunts. So yes Amalda, your emperor hasn’t agreed with those things, you were right to trust him!

“i’ll tell him to go to his room and we’ll be over with this”

Oldvis uses the authority card. It’s never a good thing when one uses this card, because it means that, basically, you’re useless.

Daw, Oldvis didn’t want to bang her Julius! What do you mean by “is mine” btw? Your fiancée, your plaything, your tool?

Lil’ dastard. Oldvis pretends to be able to do something, or tries to use his big voice but Julius doesn’t care anymore.

This - Oldvis tried to banish his son, but it didn’t work. The Loptyr Sect prevented Julius from being banished? And banished where? The Empire is everywhere, unless Arvis wanted to send him to Travant. Maybe he wanted to send him to Archanea??

Oldvis looks so feeble here, it hurts. And Julius treats his dad like crap, bad Julius, bad!

:’(

That’s not a way to talk to your dad! Granted, Young!Arvis might also have been as dastardly as that to, say, Reptor so... I can’t say he earned this, but it’s also ironic.

I wonder what must happen in Oldvis’ head, is he really that beaten/broken? later we see that he is not, but here... what happened during those 7 years when Julius turned into Loptyr?

Of course you laugh, Arvis treated you like crap in chapter 5 so now you have your revenge!

Julius doesn’t join Manfroy in his Oldvis bashing. Maybe he doesn’t see the point. and OMG WHY IS HE MENTIONING JULIA???

OMFG NO DO YOU MEAN THIS USELESS CHARACTER WAS ACTUALLY THE PRINCESS OF GRANVALLE??? HOW COME NO ONE RECOGNISED HER??

I guess it was surprising, she only knew her kind and gentle brother and now he wants to kill her!

Finally we learn what happened to Deedee! Granted, Julius’ words here always make me sour.

Deedee accepted her death “to save Julia”?? It’s not like we have a kind of similar scenario in FE5, where a mother has to fight against one of children to protect another, but thanks for Nanna, Eyvel didn’t “accept her death” - and even if she had been able to use a rewarp staff to put her to safety, I doubt she’d have “accepted her death” without trying to help Mareeta. But Jugdral’s best mom has no peers in this world.

Ghoul yourself!

Yep! Do it now, we must do it now before you turn senile and decided to send her against the others, or some other shit plan like that.

Keeping this book under “the strictest lock” is a good plan indeed, if you didn’t knew where she was. 

Julius/Loptyr takes no chances, the Book is locked, yes, but without anyone to wield it then he’s sure he’s going to be fine.

Note how Julius speaks about the avatars of Naga; Seliph isn’t a major blooded Naga peep so he doesn’t count? what about linoan?

Too bad Julius, he failed you. And by sundown, really? Talk about rushing things! Besides, Julius “supposes” he is needed?

Why? He just told you getting rid of Julia is the highest priority!

Julius doesnt’ like peasants, but he doesn’t care much about Seliph. And he is right, Seliph can’t do a thing to him without Julia, the worse he can do is breed with Linoan to bring another major Naga, but bar that he is as relevant as Duke Scipio. Peasants are going to revolt because Seliph is supposedly the true heir of Granvalle, but if he can’t kill Julius, then what?

Julius doesn’t believe Seliph is his older bro - it’s nothing but superstitious nonsense! He cares more about Julia, and dragon-wise/plot-wise, we should do the same but we’re following the adventures of Seliph.

I wonder if a Ced narrative would focus more on recovering Julia if he were to learn that his dad went missing because he had to protect the only person on the continent able to get rid of Loptyr.

A threat? No, he doesn’t. And seriously Julius, I know we’re in a game where sword emblem is broken, and theoretically Seliph could kill you with the Tyrfing, but even with the Tyrfing, and lore-wise, no, he can’t possibly be much a threat.

It’s pretty darn funny that Manfroy’s master plan fails because he believes Seliph is a real treat disregarding Julia completely. Manfroy breaks the 4th wall? Seliph is the Lord thus he must die, Julia is nothing.

Yep. The greater plot, regardless of what F!Lewyn tries to hammer, doesn’t give a fig about Seliph. Loptyr only cares about Julia.

Poor Manfroy.

Go Loptyr goons , defend Miletos!

You have a better idea than the one you just ordered? Oh Julius...

Yay! Kill a rebel!

Yippie!

I know this sounds odd in regards to FE5!Ishtar who’s more nuanced, but bear in mind that her mom escaped death a few turns ago so she’d be more than likely to want to kill some rebels. But sounding so happy about it? A bit Meh.

You have good eyes OIfey!

Poor OIfey has been the one living in exile for 17 years, he was just supposed to assist Sigurd and then he was thrown in this mess. I feel bad for him.

ARDEN WHO??? But note how Oifey mentions his peers, and the young knights of Chalphy so maybe Arden wasn’t a noble to begin with? He had just been a commoner who enrolled?

every last Chalphy face was a firendly one or you had other friends who weren’t from Chalphy?

Seliph comes from everywhere, save from the land he is supposed to inherit.

Oh :’(

Don’t be like that Seliph, do you think Prince Ulster of Verdane has any right, bar his blood, to rule over the barbarians there?

:)

I’m sure some pious citizens would prefer Major Naga Empress on the throne of Granvalle, but this is only food for an AU.

Who? The citizens of Chalpy or the citizens of Granvalle? Because the Granvalle peeps were happy until Julius became mad, hell, some of them don’t even know about the child hunts etc. So you’re actually saying a lot of crap, unless you’re talking about the people of Chalphy, and if Palmark is any indication, they weren’t put to the noose as soon as Siggy kicked the bucket.

Again, we don’t see the common folk of Granvalle in FE5, but if we can compare with the randoms of Thracia, they’re not praying for the second coming of Quan, they just want to get on with their shitty lives without risking to be killed by random brigands etc. But maybe the people of Chalphy believe in Siggy the 2nd, even if, and i never stress it enough, when Siggy and pals died, they died as traitors.

Saying Siggy is a hero means saying Arvis is a dastard, and in the beginning or the Empire, Arvis was well loved, even now, in FE5, Arvis is still loved.

So really meh about this line.

I don’t know if this “fairy tale” is made up by OIfey to cheer Seliph up, or if some diehard Chalpy loyalists really think that, or if Oifey himself sees Seliph as the 2nd coming of Siggy who will avenge his dad and save the world.

Mmh. I’m not convinced.

Granted, everyone hates the child hunts, and they want them to stop. Are they all suddenly calling to the son of a traitor to help them?

Seliph has had enough of the propaganda described by OIfey, and asks about the greater plot. Maybe all the randoms don’t like Arvis, maybe some think he is Loptyr...

maybe those randoms forgot how their dark god instaured a relatively peaceful land for 10 years, or they just slander Oldvis because he is the Emperor and the Empire has turned into a shitty place.

Or maybe the people we liberated couldn’t go all Amalda like “i had faith in Arvis what happened to him” because we’re the LA and Seliph’s n°1 objective is to rekt him, so no one should express sympathy for the man?

“don’t worry, i have a pony now!”

Hahaha - the only one who can rekt the dark God isn’t even a Lord in this damn game

He looks scary?

Mmh... like what? You look into his eyes and you’re charmed or something?

Julius had a group of fangirls! How cute! Granted, i don’t know if what happened to them next could be called cute...

Fig off

What if i sacrifice you?!

Welp, Julius tries to kill the useless man his useless sister married. Kinslaying, again. Hopefully, Ulster dodged.

Seliph wanted to say hello to his brother.

Larcei cut their discussion and Julius grew bored.

what? an useless characted inheriting an useless land married to an useless woman? Ulster’s pretty happy with this life.

He won’t.

Fee finally talks to her trash dad. But trash dad has some kind of draconic circumstances to explain his behaviour.

If i were Fee i’d slap him because she had been the only one to be at her mom’s side when she died

Maybe she really slapped him then! GG Fee!

You were happy seeing him? He who abandonned you all? And returned with another child? you’re a nice person Fee.

:’(

He has never been the kindest person around, but ignoring her completely...

He knows what it is to get shunned by his own Mother though! I miss you Rahna

Constructive behaviour here, but Fee isn’t the adult so i can let it slide.

I had the same reaction. F!Lewyn is really... despicable, regardless of his nature.

Many playthoughs of FE4 came to the same conclusion, so no Fee, even if your mom married Arden, she’d still be dead.

At least he acknowldges it.

??

To this day, I still don’t understand his outburst. Did Erin met F!Lewyn and told him it was A-OK to go and do whatever with Julia to save the world, she wouldn’t tell her kids about it? Or did she know F!Lewyn wasn’t her husband anymore?

He is trying to push her away, because he knows he can’t be her dad anymore or something else? Or because he is just that awful?

The kids? What about the most important one? The one with Major Naga blood? She doesn’t even deserve a mention?

“damn those foot units”

At least we managed to be on time for those repairs to be done.

Onwards to victory

I mean - Onwards to Chalphy!

[jokers-sweethearts]

Jokers Daughter Imagine: The Return

Request: (anon) First I want to say that I love you and that you're work is amazing. You're so creative and reading your posts always make me smile. Unless they're sad ;-; Anyway, could you maybe write something where at the age of 12, the jokers daughter goes missing thanks to one of his business partners kidnapping her and when she's 17, she suddenly appears at the doorstep, drenched from the rain and covered in cuts and bruises.

/////

Monster T sat in the VIP booth across from Joker fidgeting and sweating, his heart was beating so fast he was sure Joker could see it pulsating through his skin and jacket. He raised his hands in defense and submission all at once.

“Mr. J, I didn’t mean any disrespect. I came here with some offers, welcome you back to the world, back to business.” he said trying to keep his voice steady.

“Oooooh are you sweet talkin me now?” Joker hissed at him then mocking him with the smile stamped on his hand.

The Joker was willing to forgive crosses against himself if it meant he could get a good deal, but his daughter was different. When Monster T came in and started eyeing you up he was a dead man walking.

“I didn’t know she was your daughter.” he continued. Not appreciating being jerked around. He tried to control his anger. “I didn’t know she was so young.”

“One…. two…. three….” Joker started counting his fingers confusing Monster T. “eight…. nine…. ten….” Joker stopped and looked up at him. “Looks like I’ve run out of fingers.” Joker stood up and approached him like an animal stalking his prey. In one swift motion he grabbed T’s hand and snapped two fingers until the nails reached the back of his hand. He went swirling to the floor in pain. “Eleven...twelve. There we have it! My daughter is twelve. But I’m sure you didn’t know that huh?”

Joker didn’t even give the man time to answer before he pulled out his gun and fired a bullet into his skull, hitting his eye tattoo exactly on mark. Joker motioned with his hand for Frost to come over and take the body away. In just a few seconds he went from a violent hunched over creature to brushing his hair back and sauntering to his seat eloquently. “Dump him somewhere his buddies will see him, maybe that will teach the whole lot of them finally.” Joker huffed out “And send the princess over.”

“Yes boss.” Frost picked up the man’s legs by the ankles and dragged him out of the VIP booth. He called over to some goons that were free and pointed at the body. “By the docks.” He said before heading to the main floor and making his way through the crowd.

You were sitting behind the bar with your body guard next to you, the bartender refilling your virgin Shirley Temple and dropping a cherry in it. You sat in awe watching your mother dance in her gold dress and jewelry. You wanted to be like her someday. You shook out of your day dream when you saw your Uncle Johnny coming and jumped over the bar to run to him. You wrapped your hands around his waist to hug him and he chuckled as her returned the favor.

“Your dad wants to see you hun.” he said with a smile. You shook your head and grabbed his hand and he led you through the crowd of people. When you got to the VIP booth you saw a goon cleaning up the floor.

Daddy must have just finished work, you thought to yourself. When Joker saw his daughter his icy blue eyes lit up and turned warm. He extended an arm out for you to run into and be beside him. He wrapped his hand around your shoulder and you felt the cool touch of his rings that gave you goosebumps.

“Princess you’re going to be going home early tonight.” he said not making eye contact, knowing you would be upset.

“But daddy why? I want to watch mommy dance more. I always ride home with you guys in the lambo.” you said trying to guilt trip him.

“I know baby but tonight you have to leave. Someone wasn’t nice to you and I don’t want it happening again.” he said sternly signaling for you to stop protesting.

“Looks as though you took care of it.” you teased him and look down at you with a smirk.

Feeling bad that he was making you leave and prideful that you wanted to stay with him he cut you some slack. “Howabout one of the guys takes you home in the lambo? So you don’t go home completely heartbroken huh?” he grinned.

You crossed your arms and tapped your foot pretending to contemplate and keep you in suspense. He mimicked your actions to make you break down and laugh.   “Okay okay okay I guess that’s fine daddy.” He took your face in his hands and planted a kiss in the center of your forehead. A perfect parallel for what he had done just a few moments ago. He snapped his fingers and Frost came back over.

“Take her home please Frost and take the lambo.” Joker said dangling the keys. When Frost reached for them Joker pulled them back. “And not a scratch on it.” he said before handing them over. Frost shook his head and extended his hand for you to take. The two of you wandered outside and got in the car home bound.

As the goons were dumping Monster T’s body off by the docks they were growing more nervous by the minute. It was still early in the night, people around, they could be easily seen. The dropped the body and quickly made their way back to the car. They sighed in relief for a moment before beginning to drive back to the main road. They felt the tension leave their bodies and as they reached to turn on the radio a parade of bullets fired through the windshield. Their bodies rattled back and forth with blood spewing. Loud screams and tires screeching raced past their car and to the docks. The car came to a halt and four men jumped out and ran over to Monster T’s body.

“I knew it! I knew it! I fucking knew it!” one screamed. “We should never have let him go there alone. That fuckin clown is crazy!.” the other three men stood silent, mourning the loss of their crew member. They knew they were wrong to let him go and were on their way to try and take their mistake back, but it was too late. “If that clown wants a war, then that’s what he’ll get.” the man said before heading back to the car and the other men followed him. “This time we fight fire with fire.” he said before they sped off.

You and Frost drove steady through the city back to the house, you gazed out the window taking in the moment. You were so content you laid your head back and closed your eyes listening to the sounds of gotham. You suddenly felt Frost’s hand gripping your arm, your eyes shot open and he had a terrified look on his face.

“Hold on.” he said as he slammed his foot on the gas, you looked in the rear view mirror and saw another car racing towards you. The passenger side window opened and a machine gun emerged. It started firing wildly and Frost grabbed your head and pushed it down so you wouldn’t be hit.

“There’s the lamborghini! Joker must be inside, keep shooting!” the men screamed in the car as they raced after what they thought would be simple revenge.

Frost was losing control of the lambo as bullets destroyed the tries. He tried desperately to keep the wheel straight to protect you but it was no use. The engine took too many hits and blew out right in front of your eyes. You wanted to stay strong but you wanted to cry for your father at the same time. The lambo swung off the road and skidded into a ditch. Frost threw himself in front on your and went out the windshield that had been shot out and banged his head on the front of the car. His weight stopped you from getting serious damage but the impact took your breath right out of your lungs and you passed out. The men drove over and opened up the car doors, to their surprise the Joker was nowhere to be found. Frost lifted his body up slowly and went to grab one of the men but they hit him in the forehead with the barrel of their gun.

“You know who this is gentlemen?” the leader said as a statement more than a question “This is the lil bitch the clown and that whack job girlfriend had.” the men stared at you passed out in awe. They had heard stories but hardly anyone saw you in the flesh. “This is the revenge, the power we need.” he said and poked your cheek with his gun. “She’s out cold. Take her to the car.”

‘What about the guy?” one of the men asked.

“Leave him. Someone needs to let the joker know who is in control now.”

The Joker sat and watched the rain in his once lavish mansion now rundown and dark, twirling a piece of his daughter's hair between his fingers. The days turned into weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. Today marked the 5th anniversary of the night he failed. Failed you, his reputation, his empire, everything he had built as the Joker. He never suspected that scum like Monster T would haunt him. His crew had all but taken Joker captive as well. He was under their control as long as they had you. He tried to disobey in the beginning but he soon learned that they were serious and they had to you. Each time he didn’t obey their commands they sent a piece of you. The first time it was a strand of hair, then the second time it was a whole lock of her long hair. It drove Joker more insane than he already was thinking they touched you and disrupted your perfection. He promised as long as they kept you alive and safe he would do what they asked. It involved giving up his club, the gun trades, the drug trades, everything. He wasn’t the king of gotham anymore, he was a puppet for the men. The Joker’s pride was taken away but it wasn’t as hard as he thought, he just wanted you safe. Sitting in arkham all those years ago before he ever met Harley he never imagined in this moment he would be at some type of peace. But when it all came down to it he was just happy he never got a body part in the mail.

The thing that was killing him was not knowing, seeing touching. Wondering what you were thinking. Killing himself thinking that he wasn’t there to wipe your tears away and to make you laugh. To wake up in the middle of the night with you next to him. He tore the entire city apart searching for you, but each time he got close they took you further away somewhere new. The one thing that kept him going was the thought of making them pay for it all. Then the doorbell rang he barely even noticed until he heard chains rattling closer to him. Frost approached him and Joker turned his head slightly to see the once mighty suited right hand man in dirty rag clothes and chained up like a prisoner.

“The door slave.” Joker said to him. The man he once considered a brother became the source of all his rage and the blame. Frost went to the door faced unrecognizable from all the beatings. When he opened it his jaw dropped and he let out an inhuman noise.

Joker immediately grabbed his gun thinking it was one of the crew members who had you coming back for more. When he pushed Frost out of the way and saw what stood in the doorway he dropped the gun to his side. There you stood. Your knees were bruised and your face had little cuts all over it. Your hands were completely covered in blood and you had a shard of glass gripped. Joker was frozen in time and didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t even sure if you were real.

For a moment he was so still he looked like a wax figure to you. You reciprocated the action and dropped the shard of glass to your side as he did the gun. You were the first to make the move and jumped at him and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Daddy…” left your lips softly and the sound of your voice, more mature now but still the voice he’d know anywhere snapped him back into reality and he picked you up and held onto you tightly. He felt like he was going to faint or his knees were going to give out so he carried you and both rested on the couch.

You lifted your head from his shoulder and looked around. The house you loved as a child was broken down even more than your father was. You knew there wasn’t much time to waste as much as you wanted to stay in his arms, but you two had to move. You weren’t a little girl anymore and realized you had to be the strong one.

“How did you… how are you here?” he asked.

“I escaped. I broke a mirror and I just… I escaped. We have to get ready they might know I came here.” you said getting off the couch but your father grabbed your arm and pulled you back. He cupped your face in his hands and stared at you for a moment before kissing your forehead. The last thing he did five years ago with you. “Daddy please I..” you tried to resist, now wasn’t the time for bonding but the euphoric feelings of being back in his arms was overtaking you. You broke down in tears and wrapped your arms around his shoulders so tight you were scared you’d cut off his circulation.

Joker felt something start to rise from his stomach and into his chest. The feelings inside of him started changing like a light switch and his mind started to race a mile a minute. He got a slight headache after all the years of disassociating to all of a sudden be brought back. As you held onto him the feeling of being a protector reignited inside of him. Like he had a purpose again.

You unwrapped yourself from him and looked in his blue eyes. “I won’t lose you again.” he said, the first time you had heard his deep voice. You weren’t sure where to start, with what happened to you or tell him you knew what they had done to him. Before you could say anything he started up again. “What did they do to you?” he asked.

“Nothing too bad.” you said immediately not wanting to worry him. “Just some beatings but most of the time it was okay. I know what you did for me. I don’t know how to..”

“Shhh shhh princess.” he didn’t want to hear anymore, just some beatings, he scoffed when he thought about those words leaving your.

“I can take it daddy, I was fine.”

“I know you can. You’re mine. But because you're mine you shouldn’t have had to.” Joker looked over at Frost standing there not knowing what to do. “I made him pay for failing you.”

You finally understood who opened the door and were horrified. You got up and ran over to Frost and used your father's gun on the floor to shoot the chains off. Joker looked ashamed of himself after he saw you do this.

“We have to get them back. Frost isn’t to blame. We have to make them pay. We have to bring you back.” you said confidently and your father was taken aback by the woman you had become while you were away from him. He looked at you and noticed just how bad of shape he and the house were in. This was no condition for a princess to lay her eyes on he thought. Joker took a moment to embrace the strength flowing back into his veins.

Joker stood up and extended his hand for you to grab. You walked back over and took it. This time you reached up and cupped his face in your hands. He looked at you and saw that his sweet and innocent girl had been replaced by a woman filled with fire and a lust for blood. He liked what he saw. You turned out more like him than he had imagined.

“You have to become the king again.” you continued. As easy as snapping fingers Joker smiled that malicious and terrifying smile only he could. You matched it as best you could.

“Frost!” he called out for the first time in five years. “Get me a suit. Get me my guns. Get her something befitting of a princess.”

You looked over at your Uncle Johnny and nodded as if to let him know that things were finally back the way they were.

“And bring the car around. We’re going for a drive.”