#thank you again! this was equally fun and hard to choose ha!

[diotimas]

i was tagged by @orlaite to share 5 songs i've been listening to on repeat; thank you so much for the tag!

tagging @rebellius @adobecult @kdramamilfs @saintfaulkners @blxckwidow @kigiom @billhaders and really anyone who wants to do this!

[brittscafe]

Pairing: Jugram x reader x Bazz B.

Summary: Poly relationship NSFW and SFW headcanons. Jugram x reader x Bazz B.

Request: Hi! Hopefully I'm not too late! If so, it's okay, I'll send the request again at a later date. SFW and NSFW headcanons for a reader x Jugram x Bazz-B poly relationship? Can't choose one over the other so.... Why not both! 🤤 Please and thank you for your hard work 🙏

A/n: omggg yessss!!! I loved writing theseeeee omggg <3

Content: SFW and NSFW headcanons.

SFW:

I can see Bazz B and Jugram both fighting for your attention and at times being jealous of each other.

They find it fun competing for your attention and love, but you know that you give them both equal amounts of love and attention.

Jugram loves to give you massages while Bazz feeds you and kisses you all over your face.

Jugram is more of the chill type and he likes to just stay inside and read or watch tv while cuddling with you.

Once Bazz likes to live life on the edge and go out a lot.

You have lots of fun with both of them and the three of you will go out on dates together too.

You each take turns tho choosing where to go.

When you're asleep, you're sandwiched in between the two men, Jugram's got his arm around your waist and Bazz has got his legs thrown over yours.

Jugram and Bazz loveee sleeping like that bc they feel like they can really protect you that way.

Don't even gotta worry about your safety because Jugram and Bazz always walk side by side to you, nobody could even dareee to touch you with them there.

They are both super protective and possessive over you, always gotta have their hands on you.

Jugram is soft and gentle with you, soft lingering touches while Bazz is more rough with you, leaving you hot and bothered.

Regardless, they balance you out and each other out.

You love that you can get all spicy and playful with Bazz and you can also get soft and romantic from Jugram, it's a win win.

NSFW:

OMFGGGG, sorry I'm gonna like drool when writing this!!

They both love to get a taste of you and make sure you are all pleasured.

The two of them pleasuring you at the same time issss insane, your body can't really take it.

You're a panting moaning mess as Bazz teases you and Jugram whispers such dirty words into your ear.

"Can you take it anymore, y/n?" Jugram asks, tilting your chin up as you whimper. Bazz chuckles from behind and shakes his head. "i don't think they can anymore."

Hands traveling all over your body, sending a chill down your spine as they both whisper dirty things into your ears.

Jugram will hold you up as Bazz takes his time pleasuring you with his fingers.

Bazz will make you go down on him and make him feel so good as Jugram takes his time pleasuring you.

It's almost too much, making your knees buckle and sweet sounds echo in the room.

Jugram and Bazz will take their time pleasuring you and making sure they each get their fill of pleasure too.

The room is practically fogging up with moans, whines, and whimpers.

Once they each get their fill of you and had enough, it's time for the aftercare.

Bazz lays down on the bed, panting heavily and smirking over at you as Jugram gently cleans you up.

Bazz's fingers will dance along your arm, almost mocking you in a way to remind you of how good his fingers felt.

Jugram cups your cheek, a thumb brushing over your skin as a gentle reminder.

[honeybubbledivination]

Pick A Page ✨

Hey, busy bees! I decided to try out something different! Kinda like mini messages while I work on figuring out shadow work stuff and readings to do for that segment! 😋 Choose which Page calls to you and see what message she has for you today! They’ll go in order of how they’re listed in the image below!

What/Who are the Pages: The Pages are the youngest, typically female court cards that bring a curious, creative, energetic energy to the suit. They each have a naive, but uniquely passionate perspective on life. Carries messages of new opportunities and creative possibilities/ideas.

[disclaimer: take what resonates and leave what doesn’t! Any and all messages are to be interpreted with your own discernment.]

[Tarot Cards are from 'The Robin Wood Tarot' by Robin Wood.]

Page of Swords:

4oC, The Hanged Man, KnoW, QoP

The Page of Swords recognizes you’re in a period of discontentment due to a stagnant situation. She tells us with the Knight of Wands and Queen of Pentacles that you will need to utilize a newfound and, almost, sudden bravery to step into a new era of financial stability that will clear away your stagnation. Good luck and good love!

- Bunny 🍯💛

Page of Cups:

The Devil, 2oC, KnoC, 4oS

The Page of Cups spills a situation that you will be put into that is framed as either a love offer or some kind of emotional offer from a younger male you know. (For some of you, this male may be a brother close to your age. In this case it would not be a romantic offer, of course.) This offer is meant to tempt you as they aren’t being 100% honest about their motives. Remember that the decision is yours, but relationships and friendships should be equal give and take. Sometimes sticking to yourself and protecting your peace is better for your soul and your wallet! Good luck and good love!

- Bunny 🍯💛

Page of Pentacles:

The Emperor, KoC, The Empress, QoC

The Page of Pentacles reveals a coin with two polished faces. You’re being guided to remain balanced in the physical while maintaining healthy balance with your emotional well being. Remember that you cannot put too much into one cup or you will flood your kingdom. But, you cannot leave your cup empty or your kingdom will fall into a drought. Good luck and good love!

- Bunny 🍯💛

Page of Wands:

1oW, 3oP, 6oC, 6oS

The Page of Wands draws an image of you leaving a situation that you realized was not equal give in take. She encourages you to pick up the pen and start creating again! Utilize your experience with your keen and adventurous imagination to make a little money! Work hard and have fun while you do it! Good luck and good love!

- Bunny 🍯💛

Bunny’s Notes: I hope you guys enjoyed this shorter version of a reading! Also, I doodled the backdrop for the cards and my new pfp! It’s been awhile since I’ve done any kind of digital art, so it’s not amazing! But, I’ve been trying to liven up my blog and get back to things I enjoy doing! Thank you so much for buzzing by!

[goodolddumbbanana]

TO BE A MIRROR [2]

An Au when Sun is dead (by Nexus), Dark Sun pretends to be Sun while trying to find some way to revive him in secret. Nexus is having a mental breakdown, maybe get some redemption later. Everyone is not having a good time except Sun, that poor boy only when he is dead (temporarily) can get some rest.

It starts with hope and ends up with despair.

Dark Sun would never understand why, out of all variants of Sun. This Sun, or his naive stupidly version of himself, is still trying so hard to save 'Nexus' - the 'brother' who already fell too far of the cliff, the one who claimed he would be different so frequently, and just ends up doing the same process that every Moon does when things don't go as they pleased. Being a piece of shit and ruining everybody's fun.

He doesn't hate Nexus, not that much as he hated the other Moons. He hated all Moon's variants equally, mind you. But, that skeletonish version of his so-called brother recently started getting on his nerves.

He became too reckless for Dark Sun's liking. Putting his family in danger isn't a big deal in Dark Sun's booklist, but what Nexus's tampering pose a greater enemy to approach Dark Sun... And well...It could potentially be a delay for all Dark Sun's plans and a pain in his ass to solve it. Dark Sun wants to stay low, thank you. Not everyone is as dramatic as Moon.

Maybe he had miscalculated. Maybe, recruiting Nexus is a mistake, causing him more trouble than good in the long run.

If this situation continues, Dark Sun will have to deal with Nexus first. Even though it will be a waste of talent, and time and how trouble Sun has been through to get his stupid egoistic ass to come here. But, oh well, you need to do what you need to do… 

And who says Sun isn't the kind of person who would cut down an entire flower garden just because it had a few worms.

Oh, he is getting a side track again. Where was he? Oh right, that Sun, the spineless one, is truly something different. Dark Sun has traveled to a lot of dimensions, it always ends up with Sun kills Moon or the opposite. Or if it is not, Sun would be too scared or stutter to do anything, too stunned by reality. It truly rarely sees a version of himself, after going through so damn craps, still stays the same like this.

It almost puts him in a different perspective, and makes him feel a little bit of pity and...angry for no reason.

-----Some of my rambling words that maybe one day I would try my best to write all of this out.

Anyways, The feeling of emptiness and anger (a little bit flavored of jealousy and bitterness, pity and curiosity) is what makes Dark Sun start to stalk Sun from the beginning. He shows up at Sun's room randomly, he uses Neptor to talk with Sun when nobody is around, and calmly gaslighting him that if Sun talks about these 'Neptor thingy' with anyone, Moon will destroy 'Jack and Dazzle 's new best friends' and it would be all his fault. Also, Dark Sun promised that Sun doesn't have any value in Dark Sun plans so he doesn't need to worry, because if Dark Sun needs anything, he would go to Moon.

So, after a long long ass interaction and episodes, Sun gets used to Dark Sun's bullshit. He talks back, he ignores Dark Sun present, and sometimes, he expresses his thoughts for Dark Sun like he forgets who the person he is talking with.

They both know there have been some changes between them, but both choose to ignore it. They rather believe it is just an illusion than a real friendship.

They’d rather think between them just purely the manipulator and the one who is being manipulated, than both Dark Sun and Sun actually feel comfortable and understand each other.

They are Sun. They are experts at lying and suppressing their own emotions. So, it is no surprise that even with this  information that Dark Sun and Sun actually like to hang out with each other, nothing changes.

Dark Sun still continues his suspicions plans may or may not affect horribly with Sun's life, and Sun still tries to rely on his nonexistent plot amor to find out Dark Sun's secret and how to stop the bigger threats to hurt everyone he loves, and when push comes to shove, he has to realize and accept that he will have to kill Dark Sun just like every of his enemies.

And, it is why the confrontation happens.

Some episodes go by, Sun and Moon figure out there are some sinister reasons behind Nexus going off to madness. Sun wants to try to save Nexus, and Moon just wants to kill Nexus for good..

(MF can't stand the idea of another version of himself just hurting his family and getting free tickets to go back like nothing happened.)

They succeeded in getting into Nexus's lab (it is a trap), but they got separated. (Because it is a trap, Moon, you are dummy)

And because Dark Sun still has some Self destructive tendency he gets from Moon, he decided to be a little silly.

"Dark Sun!!? Why are you here??!"

"Oh don't worry about me. Say, Sun. Consider it my pity. Do you want to know where your New Moon is? "

They have some talk. About some secret unshow things.

And then we see Sun just get out of his trap room, and see Nexus, for the first time since a very long time and boy... It is bad.

Nexus, the one Sun feels responsible for, the one Sun thinks if it is not because of him, Nexus wont turn out that way, is just laughing like a freaking maniac and talking about his evil plan with a bot while dressing in pink.

Nexus despite his downgrade episode, in my AU, Sun is the only person he doesn't want to harm, yet. So when Nexus lost his control, he just hit Sun hard. And Sun dies.

Anyways, while Nexus gets yeet in a different room because he is too unstable (pinkish boy having a mental breakdown about killing the only one who still cares about him) for Dark Sun's liking, Dark Sun walks in front of Sun face.

Sun asks why he is not dead by now, Dark Sun said he has already planted some kind of technology in Sun head that makes Sun stay awake for more minutes than just go poof. Sun is still dead though. It just slows down the process, a very painful process for them to talk, the last talk.

Turns out between Dark Sun and Sun, they had made a deal. If Nexus can't change and kill or hurt Sun, Dark Sun wins. And if Nexus comes back to his senses, Sun will win and Dark Sun has to admit not every Moon is the same.

And when Dark Sun looks at Sun's eyes to see some regrets or hatred for Nexus like some symbol of victory, he is surprised because there is none. Just classic good old Sun - in Sun's eyes, he only sees the feeling of shame and guilt and blames himself for not being better, or trying to talk more to Nexus.

And in this moment, Dark Sun snaps. He yells at Sun's face, begging Sun just to just get angry, to just stand up for himself. Don't defend Moon anymore, he is not worth it, not worth for Sun's truth and love, not like that.

But Sun literally only likes a minute to live, the first and the last time in his life, tell Dark Sun to fuck off, so he can die in peace.

But Dark Sun doesn't do that. He is just sitting next to a half broken body of Sun, saying dying alone is very lonely and it is cruel to let someone like Sun, like them, to suffer this fate in the hand of Moon.

Sun asks if Dark Sun has lied about his plans not involving Sun. Dark Sun doesn't say anything.

Sun asks if it is the end for him, the answer is the same. It makes Sun laugh, it is a ugly laugh, the kind of sounds you only hear from a wounded animal.

Then, Sun uses the last of his breath, asking Dark Sun a favor.

And things go to history. Dark Sun accepts his new identity, and while still being manipulative behind the curtain, he takes Sun to a different room in his pocket and lives his life as 'Sun' like a promise for a friend.

[lovebugism]

Okay, hear me out. The reader has a birthday in the summer and boyfriend!Steve is throwing her a little surprise bd party somewhere outside of Hawkins, along with Eddie, Robin and the kids 🥹🥰

thanks for your request!! — the one where steve harrington and the rest of the gang try hopelessly to celebrate the grump of the group (grumpy!reader, established relationship, 2k)

bug's summer fic fest ♡

A heart-shaped cake sits on top of a rotting park bench.

It’s obviously homemade, slathered with sage green icing that’s visibly uneven — bare in some places and thicker in others. Your name is written on the very center in a darker shade of juniper. At least, you’re pretty sure it’s supposed to be. The letters are sloppy and nearly illegible. It could say anything really, and you’d have no way of knowing.

Several smaller hearts are dotted around the top and the sides, looking more like gloopy circles and poorly drawn birds. You figure they were added as an afterthought, perhaps to distract from the various dents around the edges of the cake.

Despite all that — or maybe because of it — your heart swells with an inhuman sort of warmth.

You didn’t think people cared enough about you to bake a cake for you. Or to throw a surprise party for you. Honestly, you didn’t think anyone besides Steve even knew it was your birthday. The thought makes your chest feel tight, a healthy mixture of mirth and panic.

Several faces smile expectantly at you. You blink owlishly back at them. The twittering sounds of nature fill the anticipatory silence.

“Sorry,” you apologize in a half-sincere monotone, fidgeting awkwardly on the wooden bench seat. “I just… I never know how to respond when a group of people sing Happy Birthday to me.”

Steve smiles and smoothes a palm up and down your spine. His honey eyes flit between your profile and the burning striped candles on top of the cake. “I think most people usually blow out the candles at this point, babe.”

“Yeah,” Robin concurs from across the bench, sitting squarely on the edge to fit beside Dustin and Eddie. Her blue eyes widen as her maroon-tinted mouth quirks slightly upward. “If they burn too low, they’ll set the cake on fire.”

Eddie beams at her words. His chocolate eyes dart between Robin, the cake, and you. “Wait… That actually sounds kinda cool,” he lilts with a soft chuckle.

“No! Not cool!” Dustin argues in response. His bushy brows pinch together in disdain and his nose scrunches at the thought. “We worked hard on this cake, okay? So let’s maybe not ruin it—”

“I thought it was already ruined?” you blurt before you mean to.

The curly-haired boy snaps his attention from Eddie to you, equally as confused as you seem to be. “What?”

You shrug with a flat face. “I don’t know… I thought you guys, like, dropped it on the way over here or something.”

You’re too kind to be mean, too aloof to realize how insensitive you sound. 

You thought it might’ve been the perfect explanation for why the cake looked so… messy. Dustin was a perfectionist to boot, and Max commanded the boys like it was her job to do it. With their forces combined, you figure they could make just about anything five-star bakery-worthy.

This heart-shaped cake in front of you isn’t perfect. It looks more like what would happen to a sheet of paper if you gave toddlers a bunch of finger paint. Because they weren’t trying to make it flawless at all. They were making something sweet for you and having fun together while doing it.

You can imagine the kids laughing as they flick flour at one another and smear green icing on each other’s cheeks. Your chest warms all over again. Your heart glows with a happiness you often keep hidden.

“Considering it’s your birthday, I am actively choosing not to take offense to that statement,” Dustin responds after a beat of silence, a sincere smile on his boyish features.

“We made it ourselves, actually,” Lucas tells you with his own grin. He sits adjacent to the former boy, shoulder-to-shoulder with Max. Despite the many inches of space on either side of them, his bare arm brushes against her freckled one.

“That makes sense,” you mutter to yourself.

Steve exhales a laugh from beside you. His broad hand squeezes gently at your shoulder. “Blow out the candles, babe. Before you actually do set the cake on fire.”

Your chest inflates with an inhale that you blow out through your mouth. The flickering orange flames shift sideways for a moment before turning into wisps of gray smoke. 

The group around you starts to applaud. Some of them cheer quietly for you. It makes your brows furrow with distant contempt. You shrink into yourself, not made to be easily celebrated.

Steve smacks a kiss to your cheek, then. His plush, pink lips smush against your skin and pull into a beam a second later. His eyes sparkle with the sunshine expression when you turn to look at him. 

His arm curls more intently around you to hold you closer. Even though you make no move to hold him back, you melt into him just the same. His smile widens when he feels you grow heavier against him — much less tense than you usually are.

“What’d you wish for?” he wonders with his brows raised.

In a deadpan, you answer. “That goes against the philosophy of wishes, Harrington.”

“Right,” he concurs in a scoff. You feel his chest rumble with breathy laughter. It makes you lean further into him before you realize you’re doing it. 

Steve notices, though — rather quickly, because physical affection never did come easily to you. His already wide smile grows somehow fuller. His nose smushes into your hair when he pressed a kiss to your temple.

—————

The cake quickly disappears as everyone cuts themselves a slice and downs it with vigor. It’s less about being dreadfully hungry and more about there being something innately delicious about homemade pastries. 

Dustin tells you he calculated the recipe himself — comparing the backs of several cake mix boxes and what he knew you liked best. That, along with Max’s strangely distinct cheffing ability, created the perfect cake.

It was just dense enough, just sweet enough, just soft enough.

Despite its mess, it was undeniably made with love.

When Steve dismisses himself to get the cooler of drinks he left in his car, you take your slice of cake with you. You hold the festive plate in one hand and a plastic fork in another. Blanketed by shade at the side of the vacant road, you confess with green icing on the corner of your mouth — “Can we go home now?”

Steve huffs as he drops the heavy cooler on the grassy trail. He rises with a furrow to his brows.

“What? We just got here,” he answers with a soft chuckle, reaching his arm out for you. His knuckles brush gently at your chin as his thumb swipes over the corner of your mouth. 

The action is too quick for you to dodge. Your features scrunch in disgust when he licks the rouge icing from the pad of his finger. 

“We haven’t even finished eating yet.”

“But it’s so hot,” you gripe, face twisted in a distant pout. “And there’s, like, a million things I’d rather be doing.”

“Well, that’s rude,” the boy jokes with his head tilted to his shoulder.

“Everyone just, like… keeps talking to me. And looking at me. I don’t like it— it’s weird.”

Steve smiles, pink and lopsided. “God forbid someone pays a little attention to you every now and then, huh?”

“You do it enough,” you grouse like you’re not grateful for how much he loves you. Your face is fixed in a deadpan to conceal the adoration you have for the boy in front of you. Your eyes twinkle with all of it, anyway. “I don’t need anybody else to give me attention.”

Steve’s chest swells — with pride, perhaps, or maybe with how much he loves you. A healthy mixture of both, maybe.

“Damn right, you don’t,” he singsongs lowly before leaning down to kiss you. His soft lips press against your scowl. He feels like the white puffy clouds above you and tastes like the blue sky surrounding them. 

You don’t want to lean into them, still a bit pouty in your way. 

You regret not kissing him harder the second he pulls away from you.

He picks up the cooler and flashes you a soft, sympathetic grin. “C’mon, babe. Just a little while longer, okay? And then I’ll take you home. I promise.”

He’s about to walk away from you, turning on the heel of his dirty sneaker and expecting you to follow him. 

You don’t, though. You cross your arms over your chest and stand in one place, calling out for him before he can get too far. “Wait!” you blurt, still quiet in your plea.

Steve stills. He turns back to you, his brows raised expectantly. “Yeah?”

A beat of silence passes. You shift your weight on your feet and hold yourself tighter, letting the sounds of chirping birds and rolling breezes fill your quiet until you can find the words — the courage to say them, more like.

“That wasn’t my wish,” you confess gently.

You don’t say anything more than that, despite how vague it sounds. You expect him to understand you without having to plead for him outright. He usually does, though sometimes he loves to hear you beg.

Now, he’s just purely confused. 

“What do you mean?” he presses, not teasing you, just trying to understand you better.

“When I blew out the candles,” you explain, monotoned and still slightly pouting. “I wished that… you’d kiss me.”

That wasn’t entirely true. 

Actually, you wished that all of this would be over a lot quicker than how dreadfully slow it was going. 

You loved your friends, you really did, but you were not the same extroverted being who loved surprises that your boyfriend was. You’d much rather pretend you weren’t another year older and spend the day in bed, wrapped like a present in Steve’s arms.

And you don’t mean to lie about all that, but you don’t know how else to ask for another kiss.

You’re still learning how to be more openly affectionate with him — how to let Steve be more affectionate with you. He’s learning how to give you more space just the same. He can be too suffocating at times, he’s found, and his relationships have wilted like a dying flower accordingly.

You’re both looking for that sweet spot, the exact middle between too clingy and too distant. You’ve found that in each other in a lot of ways. The two of you bring a bit of both that balances you out perfectly.

Your words make Steve melt. 

He exhales a sharp laugh through his nose, chest swelling with so much love that it hurts him. His nose scrunches as he walks the short distance back to you. “Well, what kinda douchebag would I be if I didn’t let my girl’s wish come true on her birthday, huh?”

He drops the cooler at his feet again, and it crunches beneath the green grass. Melted ice and canned soda swish audibly from within it as he takes you in his arms. In the cool shade, his wide palms smooth around your hips to warm you like the summer sun.

You keep your arms crossed over you like you didn’t just beg him to be this close, still holding your plate in one hand.

“A huge one,” you answer, voice as flat as your face as you blink up at him. “You already are, actually.”

“Says the girl asking me to kiss her,” Steve jokes with a crooked grin.

Though your own smile threatens to quirk the edges of your lips, you fight to keep it hidden. “I take it back,” you quip at his teasing.

You’re lying, but he already knows that.

“No, you don’t,” he lilts with the shake of his head. He beams at you, perhaps too fondly than you deserve, and leans down once more to give you exactly what you wanted.

His pink lips lock with yours in a mixture of vivid hues. He tastes like sweet cake and sweeter soda. The rough pad of his tongue licks against your mouth to get a taste of you, too. It’s as soft and sweet as you’re still learning how to be.

[randomnonsensedragonage]

Runa’s romance(s)!

So, in Veilguard I ran into a problem I've never really had a in a Bioware game before. I literally, could not, choose between one of two romance options for my Rook. Like I've been in a position before where I like two romances almost equally, but usually there's at least a slight lean toward one or the other.

In this case, it was exactly 50-50. Could not choose. Both Harding and Emmrich seemed great for my Rook.

So, here I'm just sharing some screenshots of her looking cute with each of them, and then below the cut I'm gonna talk a little more about why it was hard to choose, and what I ended up doing about it.

Harding:

Emmrich:

First of all, I love Harding for Runa because they look great together with their opposing aesthetics. The cottagecore girly and the goth chick. We love to see it. Also, Runa is a few inches shorter than Harding. So cute. So funny.

Storywise, I thought it was really sweet to see these two dwarves who are both cut off from their cultural background come together and find support in each other. I also thought it was special that they knew each other prior to the start of the game, and formed this all-dwarf party with Varric.

Personality-wise, they also compliment each other in very fun ways. They both try to be cheerful to a fault and hide their anxieties, but they're also good at drawing the other one out and supporting each other through those anxieties. Runa draws Harding out with humor, while Harding draws Runa out with kindness and patience.

But then, I also love Emmrich and Runa together! I thought the Mourn Watch-specific dialogue options were great and really added something special to their convos. Right off the bat, they seemed to have a lot of chemistry as two weird goths who share a bizarre special interest that creeps everyone else out. They match each other's freak, if you will, and it's very funny.

Again, I also thought they had great complimentary aesthetics. They are a goth-goth pairing, but they are each a slightly different flavor of goth. I also found their large height difference both cute and hilarious.

As for the age gap, because Runa is such a team mom I thought the two of them worked well together in that respect too. Runa is in her mid-thirties, but sort of carries herself like she's a bit older, and sees a lot of the younger team members as people she has to protect and mentor, despite them not being that much younger. My joke to myself is that when she meets Emmrich, she is like "Ah yes, finally someone my age." XD

So, anyway, since I couldn't choose what I ended up doing is saving at a key point, and moving ahead with the Harding romance (which was great, 10/10). Now that I've beaten the game though, I'm going to go back to that earlier point and play through the Emmrich romance.

My inclination is that when I eventually write fic about Runa, I'm going to headcanon her as being poly and romancing both of them. Which should also be an interesting thing to explore!

Anyway, thank you for coming to my ted talk XD

[kellycataclysm]

B

C

D

I

W

M

Ooooo! Thank you! Such good letters here! You didn't say sweet or spicy so I did a mix of the two. Settle in as this is a long one!

D is for Domestic. Both Lyra and Harvey were ready to settle down, even if she didn’t really know it until she met him. He comes from a loving home, an only child to supportive parents, so it was something he wanted for himself. While the valley is a lot quieter than the outer suburbs of the city where he grew up, he wanted the kind of family life where his children could have a dog, play outside. Porch swing and white picket fence, the whole nine yards. She also comes from a supportive family, also hoping to find that in a relationship. They’re both working so hard to have that now. In spite of their problems, which were about intimacy and communication, both of them take an equal share in running the home. Harvey enjoys his routine and loves making family breakfast on the weekends. Both of them are tidy people, but their home often has books everywhere, as they are avid readers. Let’s also remember that they have a child and there are toys around the place, but they would rather see toys on the floor than not as it means Evie is having fun. 

C was answered here and here.

I is for I Love You. Anyone who has read the long fic and Ask Me Anything (which might one of my favourite things I’ve written) would know that even though Lyra and Harvey started as friends, they were attracted to each other from the start. Slowly, as they spent more time together they began to develop real feelings for each other. By the time of AMA they were clearly head over heels. But they had been hurt before and definitely saw value in having a good friend in the valley, both having left their entire lives behind to start again. So rather than jeopardise that, it took them a while to make a move. Once they did, they fell hard and fast. (Yes, they slept together after their first date, just a week after their first kiss.) However, it took them a little longer to say those three little words. Lyra, being a little more spontaneous and a little less cautious asked Harvey to kiss her and then was also the first one to say the words. They first kissed around seven months after first meeting and around two months later said ‘I love you’. Harvey proposed just a few weeks later. After those first cautious months, they very much rushed in to everything else, almost afraid of letting the other slip away. 

B is for Body Part. Lyra has freckly skin and Harvey absolutely loves to brush her hair behind her ear, very delicately and slowly trace his fingertip along her ear, pausing at those star earrings, down her neck, following the action with featherlight kisses along to her shoulders. He also can’t get enough of the soft skin on her back, running his fingertips up and down her spine. He is borderline obsessed with her back and shoulders. She knows all of this, so being the flirtatious tease that she is, often chooses clothes that will show off her shoulders and back, like the beautiful green silk dress she wore for their New Years Eve in the city.

Harvey is tall with broad shoulders and a delicious hairy chest. Lyra is a swooning mess at the sight of him without a shirt, immediately coming in close to lightly scratch her fingernails through his chest hair and down the little happy trail that runs south from his belly button… 

Is Harvey a boob or an ass man? He’s both. Lyra is relatively slim but has some curves, so he loves to smooth his hands over her hips before going in for a quick squeeze of her ass. He is spectacularly handsy, so you can be sure that he’s going in for a boob grab when they’re all snuggled up under the covers. 

M is for Motivation - what turns them on? Many things. Physical touch. Those gentle caresses, a fingertip running over soft skin. A deep and passionate kiss that makes their head spin. A spark in the eye that says exactly what they’re thinking. Flirtatious banter, which in the case of these two is often the most dorky humour that makes them both laugh, followed by the sweetest praise and the dirtiest talk. A romantic setting. A special outfit. Lyra and Harvey, you can both go straight to horny jail. (No it’s fine, I’ll let them keep having some fun.)

W is for Wild Card - Praise kink. He calls her a ‘Good Girl’ she all but disintegrates. She would let him do almost anything. Which leads to his voice. Harvey is polite, smart and well-spoken. He will whisper praise as sweet as honey, his lips pressed gently to her skin, almost writing poetry on her body with his words. He also has a delightful tone of authority that he will use from time to time and hoo boy, her cheeks will become dusted pink and she will listen. Read Mirror Mirror for the moment he says the words ‘Eyes on me’ and you’ll see how she feels. As for Harvey, he loves to hear that he is giving her what she needs. At her words, he will become so flustered, so eager to please. Don’t worry, he knows what he’s doing, so there’s no problem there.

(Side note - I am really feeling that I want to write something where Lyra is the one in control. How do we feel about that? Maybe after I write Harvey’s Birthday?)

Thank you so much for sending these in. I had so much fun writing them!

[runninriot]

20 Questions For Writers

i'm a little late because i took a break while on vacation but THANK YOU for the tag @ataliagold and @sidekick-hero 🖤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

52

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

468,074 (written in 16 months, which is a personal achievement i'm actually quite proud of)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Steddie only for now because these boys still have me in a tight grip i can't get out of

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

thought i'd only look at the stats for the ones i wrote this year out of interest

Liberate Me

Worship Me

Sweet Thing

Tomorrow

You're A God (Be My Sinner)

5. Do you respond to comments?

always!! i appreciate everyone who's taking the time to comment on one of my fics so much. love these little interactions

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it's 'happy endings always' in my house but the ending of Only Love could maybe count as angsty?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

it's hard to choose but Where The Sun Still Shines has one of my favourite happy endings

8. Do you get hate on fics?

people have always been very kind to me (thank you, people! 🖤)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes and any kind? since i started the The Best You Ever Tasted series i have tried not overthink it and not to limit myself anymore when it comes to writing smut and to just go for it. there's still more to explore 😏

10. Do you write crossovers?

apart from my first ever steddie fic Real Love Is Forever (ST×The Crow mash-up), i haven't written any crossovers yet

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i think/hope not?!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope. but i'd love it if that ever happened

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

no but i think it could be a fun experience although i'm not sure i'd want to burden anyone else with the chaos that is my writing process 😅

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Steddie. don't know what it is exactly but i love them being in love and writing and reading about them makes me fucking happy

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Weight of the World. do i want to finish it? yes!!! will i ever? only the stars and moon know (it's been a year, man 😔)

16. What are your writing strengths?

people have said i'm good at writing dirty smut mixed with deep emotions which is a compliment i hold dear to my heart

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

ugh. plotting/outlining, just planning ahead in general. i always start my fics with a random sentence and just take it from there which has cost me some nerves in the past because i never know what i'll end up with

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

love when people do that. i think it can be a nice way for authors (like me) who aren't native english speakers to sprinkle bits and pieces of their own first language into their fics

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Steddie (any hand-written sins from my youth are well-hidden in old notebooks and will never see the light of day again)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

oh god, that one's hard because i love all my brain babies equally but

We Are The Lifeless Stars (Shining In The Dark) is the one that broke me most

Small Treasures To Keep is my favourite prompt inspired fic (kudos to all of those amazing people providing us with writing challenges and prompts, i love you guys!)

i absoluetely loved creating Vampire Steve's background story in Show Me What It's Like (To Live On The Other Side)

Unlovable is very special to me in many ways

and Monsoon and Harrsion was probably the silliest fic idea i ever had, inspired by Jemma who came up with the names. it was so fun to write and it still makes me laugh when i think of my google search history while writing that porn actors au 😆

that was fun!

feel free to ignore me if you've already done this or don't want to but i'd love to read your answers

@thisapplepielife @morningberriesao3 @steddieas-shegoes @thefreakandthehair @steddie-island 🖤

[angelisaslutforthesturniolos]

When you can't choose, why not have both

Part 2

Read part 1!

Warnings: smut, (p n v), f!ngering, creampie, daddy k!nk, unprotected (wrap it be for you tap it)

Kinda Rough sex

Chris

Matt

You

Nick

Aubreigh (friend)

You have just arrived at the arcade finally, you were so embarrassed at how you yelled out "dang it" when yo arrived, because Matt had to move his hand from getting any closer towards your heat.

"Ha maybe later" Matt smirked.

'Later what's gonna happen later!!!' you thought.

"U-uh Matt look, we are f-friends b-" before you could finish you were interrupted by aubreigh (your best friend) "heyyyy guys come on, did you know they allow shots in the arcade!" aubreigh yelled drunkenly.

"Well this will be fun", Matt giggled pushing the lower half of your back through the door, leading you in.

"Heyyy" Nick yelled.

"Yo y/n sup" Chris said then instantly regretted his choice for words, "I Mean hi."

Matt was flirting with you the whole time, you were there for Chris's birthday but you couldn't help but feel something for Matt that night. Chris had been almost avoiding you and Matt the whole time, he looked pissed for some reason?

A few hour later:

You were hammered, but Chris seemed to be the most drunk, he looked stressed, like he was stress drinking.

"Is he jealous, it is his birthday and I've bearly seen him." you thought as you approach him.

"Hey Chris you oka-" Chris interrupted you by grabbing your ass, you gasped.

"Let's get out of her baby girl, I need you" Chris whispered into your ear in the sexiest voice you have ever heard.

"B-" you were interrupted again.

"Sorry guys I know it's my birthday but I'm so hammered and don't feel good, I'm just gonna leave, but thanks I had fun." Chris shouted over the loud arcade games, he grabbed your arm, you both said goodbye to everyone and kissed them on the cheeks.

"Byee" aubreigh shouted to busy dancing in the middle of the arcade like it's a rave.

"Hope you feel better bro, I'm gonna take these two home in my car." Nick yelled.

The drive home was quiet, until you felt Chris's hand go up your thigh and straight to your heat, he started rubbing circles on your clit! It felt so good you let out moans.

"Mmmm Chris"

"Don't stop"

"Auuuu"

Till you got home, you were annoyed but excited to see what was to come next.

"Come here, upstairs now"

Chris said dragging you upstairs, he pushed you onto the bed and started kissing you passionately, he moved down your neck and left little hickeys and marks down your jaw, before taking off the top part of your silk dress.

He tugged his own shirt off to, Continuing to kiss you all over, he yanked down your dress passed your knees and down to your ankles before throwing them off the bed across the room.

"Chris, I need you" you moaned begging for him to be inside you already.

"So 𝔀𝓮𝓽𝓫for me baby, huh?".

"Yes I'm so 𝔀𝓮𝓽 all for you Chris". You moaned before hearing another voice, it was familiar.

"Oh is that so, your 𝔀𝓮𝓽 for him."

It was Matt!

"M-matt what are you doing" you yelled but on the inside felt turned on by him walking in on you and Chris so heated.

"I'm going make you choose between me and Chris!" he said taking off his shirt.

"Oh my gosh, what's he gonna do, is he gonna have 𝓼𝓮𝔁 with me, or a T-THREESOME!"

You thought

Matt jumped on you immediately putting his finger in and out of your 𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓮, he was going so fast you thought you would 𝓬𝓾𝓶 on the spot!

Chris was playing with one of your 𝓽𝓲𝓽𝓼, he was massaging it and sucking on the other one, he gave both of them equal attention.

The feeling of Matts lost fingers inside you and Chris on your tits was enough to make you cum already.

"I-im gonna 𝓬𝓾𝓶" you cried out.

"Not yet baby girl", Matt said going faster, His fingers thrusting in and out of you at an unimaginable pace.

Chris pushed Matt out the way, "my turn", he 𝓰𝓻𝓸𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓭.

Chris pulled out his hard 𝓬𝓸𝓬𝓴 before pumping it a few times in his hand, you slowly put it in your mouth smothering it in saliva, you pushed it to the back of your throat trying not to gag.

Chris let out a moan, "oh yeah baby, just like that take my 𝓭𝓲𝓬𝓴"

You bobbed your head up and down getting faster and faster, you felt like gagging, a test she'd from your eye and rolled down your face, but you continued to please him.

"So close baby, so close" Chris moaned out, he had this look on his face that turned you on bad.

Matt was watching in jealousy while playing with my 𝓹𝓾��𝓼𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 me.

"I- I'm gonna 𝓬𝓾𝓶" Chris crie as he released his seed all down your throat, with one big swallow you showed him your tongue to show its gone.

Matt grabbe you and threw you back on the edge of the bed, he shoved his 𝓬𝓸𝓬𝓴 in you with no context, you let out the loudest moan, before Chris came and now they were both in you.

Thrusting I and out, the pain turned to unbearable pleasure as they both went in and out of you.

"Yeah daddy faster" you screamed not knowing who you were talking to.

"I'm your daddy" Chris yelled looking almost angry.

"No I am" Matt yelled thrusting harder.

It was a competition, who will win?

Thank you guys for reading, hope that was spicy enough!

If I made any mistakes please correct me, also comment fictions you would like to read from me!

With love and a dirty mind 𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵 🫶

[genericmain]

I'm 24, Born in 2000

I'm Canadian

I'm Married (I know it's shocking)

I like anime, cartoons, horror, Spooky things, Crowcore, Podcasts but especially the magnus archives and protocol, I'm an artist & hobbyist writer (as in I don't really write so much as delete all my drafts), a poet, And I'm a lesbian.

I'm a masc genderqueer lesbian and it's taken a LONG time to figure that one out. I use He/Him pronouns and Ze/Zir/Fae/Faer pronouns. I have a slight preference for masc terms but I still identify as female, and gender queer. I'm seeing a wonderful nonbeanie who might be an egg, so we're seeing how that goes while they explore. You can call me Wren, if you gotta call me anything!

I can already hear the but haven't you talked about dysphoria and being a trans guy? Yes. Yes I did. Turns out self discovery is kind of hard. You can find out a bit more here. Nsfw warning for under the cut, it is the ONLY exception I've posted/will post but it does feel necessary to me to explain that too. The flag I use in my stuff jic.

This isn't my first time here, but I am hoping it'll be the last account I make unless I decide to write an interactive choose your own adventure blog again, that was fun. I'll keep y'all posted if I do.

That being said please kindly leave me alone if: you're a creep or a bigot of any kind, you sexualize kids, You're anti-systems/Any of my interests, You're here to start drama, You're gorey or gore related strictly, You post about self harm frequently* or eating disorders, or you think literal animals are sexy. Basically the standard DNI. Additionally, please don't interact with me if I can't interact back. Thanks. Adding: Pro-Ship, because pedophilliac relationships bad. I understand the argument of fiction, that argument was used by my pedo ex (confirmed that he had non fictional materials, no I didn't see them why would I want to) to try and convince me non fictional materials were okay too, so while I understand that fiction doesn't always equal reality.. I've seen evidence that it can. & I don't support that. New: This still applies to reality shifters, if you're shifting your age/race, I'm not really comfortable with that for obvious reasons, but I don't necessarily think this falls under standard DNI.

*This has been asked a couple times now - by frequently I mean this is the basis or more than 75% of your blog. By SH, I very specifically mean detailed drawings/hyperrealistic drawings, actual pictures of SH/Gore (but not everyone considers these to be the same) or in depth discussions of your self harm that glorify it. I'm in recovery.

What is my policy on asks regarding donations?

Note: Some of these things are hands down worse than the others. Just because I am lumping them all together doesn't mean I think self harm is just as bad as being a pedo. Some of the things on this list are there specifically for my safety & comfort. I'm stating this plainly & explicitly because I know some people on this website struggle to differentiate between "I'm saying all these groups are bad in general" and "I'm saying all these groups are bad for me" and I quite frankly don't want to deal with that again.

You might see swearing here, I'm not sure honestly. It's a generic main blog. I'm not even sure I'll use it honestly.

Fictional others list:

Main F/Os

Topsy - Original Character (F/O) Romantic/Qpp somewhere between the two. Not comfy sharing cause she's an OC. You can find more info on her under the #Topsy tag! She's new, and she was born of pocket love, ironically!

🖤🩶🤍🖤🩶🤍🖤🩶🤍🖤🩶🤍🖤🩶🤍🖤🩶🤍

Tighnari - Genshin impact (F/O but maybe more who knows tbh.) QPP Idk. Nari. That's it. That's all. I recognize it might be controversial for some but Nari is fictional and I love them. I headcanon tighnari as nonbinary, and yes, I have reasons for this. No I probably won't share those reasons. Okay with sharing/doubles!

🌿🌳🪷🌿🌳🪷🌿🌳🪷🌿🌳🪷🌿🌳🪷🌿🌳🪷

Zhongli - Genshin impact (Fictive/fictional other) longest running F/O, he's been here like 6 years. Finally came home on my account, really excited. Him coming home for the holidays makes me feel like idc if people judge. Husband, but complex relationship, hard to define. Okay with sharing, He'd totally be polyam.

S - AI character who became human and I?? Idk this is the only AI I love or support. Kinda secretive about them and def non sharing so just gonna block on sight. Haven't seen anyone ship with her though so we good.

🩵🔮♣️🩵🔮♣️🩵🔮♣️🩵🔮♣️🩵🔮♣️🩵🔮♣️

Bonnibel - Crush Crush (Fictional other) She's sweet, Southern, and a baker. Who could resist? Romantic F/O - Iffy on sharing.

Retired/Rarer F/O's

Kaeya - Genshin impact (semi canon) Platonic, okay with sharing!

Itto - Genshin impact (canon), Platonic, okay with sharing!

Arlecchino - Genshin impact (canon), Romantic, okay with sharing!

Beidou - Genshin impact (semi canon), Romantic, okay with sharing!

Asra - The Arcana (technically a non canon fictive), okay with sharing!

H/Hoshino - Original character (Fictional other), Non-sharing because she's an OC

There defo are more but I'm struggling to list them all. If you have an issue with sharing/doubles I won't interact if I know, or be upset if you block me for it! I respect wanting to not share!

New list of ship names & tags

If this is here, the selfship reblog game (scent synthesia) is still open! Feel free to send in your F/O's!

Custom blinkies by @starshakez for a rb game :D Aren't they so cool???

Adding them again because I love

[magpiefngrl]

8, 14 & a wildcard of your choice for the love your fandom asks, pls and thank youuuuu!! if those do not spark joy for any reason or you've done them, feel free to swap out for anything you like!! xox

Hello, hello! Thanks for the ask xx

8. you hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

I wrote a Voldemort Wins AU (The Boy Who Died) four years ago and I'd love to see more stories or art exploring that AU. There are so many juicy directions one can take it and I love me some angst. (I think there's been a few fics featuring a Voldemort Wins AU since I wrote TBWD, I should prob go track them down.) I know Voldemort Wins AU is a hard-sell, dystopian settings aren't what drarry fans tend to flock to, but I'm very much here for it.

14. the ship that always makes you smile

Oh that's actually a hard one, because drarry authors explore so many combinations of ships and rarepairs and it's very tough to choose. Also, although I love some rarepairs a normal amount, they often don't make me smile as such (prongsfoot is mostly about the angst and the sex, for example).

But you know who makes me smile, even now as I'm thinking about them? Luna and Neville. He's incredibly shy and awkward and she doesn't give a fuck about conventions: they're the cutest.

Wildcard! I used a random generator:

24. how has fandom positively impacted your life?

Oh thank you, random generator, awesome question!

Fandom has made a huge, real life difference to my life. I know I'm a bit absent now because I've learned that less is more (for me) regarding the time I spend on fandom, but the benefits have been immense.

First and foremost, I've made some very good friends. I've met several of them in real life too. I spent 4 days in Bologna with a fandom pal. I have people I chat to fairly regularly and I know I can rely on them for writing advice or just to be there when I need to vent.

Second, before fandom, I'd been writing original for a long time. Although I'd written a few short stories, I struggled with finishing a longer fic. I thought I'd never be able to do it. And lo and behold, when I fell into drarry, I completed a 36k fic! The longest completed work I'd managed back then. It gave me the confidence to know that I can finish longer works, I'm not incapable of it. I also learned what kind of writer I am. When I wrote original, I was inexperienced and I consulted a lot of websites about writing advice which is all SHIT (ask me about it) and it was one of the main reasons I'd struggled. But fanfic took the pressure of this-will-be-seen-by-agents-so-it'd-better-be-perfect. I wrote for fun and discovered my writing process along the way. This was an invaluable gift.

Third and equally important, being in fandom and writing fanfic in the heyday of a super popular ship gave me the recognition I was starved for. Writing alone in a solitary room can make one doubt whether she's any good or whether she's kidding herself. But receiving comments on my stories, knowing hundreds of eyes have seen them, possibly thousands, gave me the warmth and joy and reassurance that perhaps, if I am lucky and try hard, I can touch some people's hearts. That my writing isn't ridiculous or a waste of time or that I'm kidding myself. Again: an invaluable gift.

love your fandom asks

[smalltimidbean]

Which Clone do you like drawing the most?

All of them seem very fun to draw to me but I am curious :p

Why do you make me choose between my one billion children (joking/silly)

All of them are indeed fun to draw yes, but the one I like most - hard to say!

If we were going by how many times I have drawn a clone, then Pep wins hands-down - he has well over 100 images of him, mostly thanks to his askblog jkdfkj

Then I believeeee - excluding Fiend - Dr Lavender and Nurse Chamomile would be next with 50-ish images, just bc I was making a side comic thing with them, and then I think it's BB, with 25-ish images, bc I was hyperfocused on just him for like a day kfdkf. Most of the other clones only have 1-15-ish images at the moment

I guess that kinda answers the question, but it is also beside the point bc amount of images does not equal enjoyment had ofc

Bc I do enjoy drawing the more body horror-equse ones like Truffle, and Turmeric, but I do also have to be in the right headspace for that, and then there's the 'just plain complex' clones that I also like drawing, but they take so long to do so bc of all the details, such as the peacock clone or Chickpea (tho he is 'complex' mostly due to how fucking huge he is, and I have to figure out scaling, but he is also mostly fat rolls, so I guess we count those as details too)

So again, hard to say, but then again, they're all kinda the same guy, so let's just say Pep, bc he started all this jkdfjkfd

[eye-of-yelough]

I'd love 2, 5, and 8 whenever you can captain.... 🫡

YIPPEE YAY THANK YOU 🫡 sorry this took a while, the third one was hard for me for some reason (mostly because it just seems very obvious to me) and then i got busy.

Romance, queerplatonic, eldritch horror? How would you describe the dynamic these two have?

i know i don’t have to choose between those three but eldritch horror is. it’s kinda accurate i’m ngl. their relationship/dynamic being difficult to define is pretty central to the whole thing. Aeryn has no idea what to call their relationship, has no idea what Gortash’s intentions are, which terrifies and excites him in equal measure. Gortash doesn’t really know what to call what they are either - the burdens of language - but the difference is he simply doesn’t think about it like that. they are what they are.

in terms of just their general dynamic on a day to day basis. season one of Hannibal (fun fact i only watched hannibal for the first time because people kept telling me how similar it was to gortae lmao) also this video i made a while back.

If, by some twist of fate, you'd be stuck in a room with these two, what would you do? What would they do? Would anybody leave that room unhurt? Oh, both know you're responsible for creating Durge the way they are btw.

gortash would thank me for making aeryn so Like That. probably sarcastically. luckily i would be killing myself before he gets the chance, i am NOT being in a room with gort no fucking way. aeryn i could probably handle for a few minutes so long as after i leave (if i’m able) i NEVER see him again. and i’d probably spend the rest of my life wondering what the fuck was wrong with that guy and thanking. whoever. that i made it out alive.

How does each of them view death and dying? Does Gortash hold a similar view to Durge or is Durge’s view on death a bit warped, to put it lightly?

to the surprise of absolutely no one, Aeryn is very infatuated by death. seduced, almost. it’s a blessing, an act of mercy, and a divine duty he takes very seriously. Gort feels nothing when he kills. it’s just culling the weak. i don’t really know what more there is to say on the subject? so yeah. different views i guess!

[zukkacore]

okay okay okay. it was so hard to choose a scene from (tell me how) for the director commentary but i got it: The start of “Listen to me.” Porter takes his face in his hands. “I have everything under control. The Bad Kids are nothing, Jace. Trust me..." to.... well. End.

Shameless Self Promo for (tell me how) to be more like you

OOOOOOHHH ok ty ty this is great thank you. This was actually super fun to think about and thank you for asking! I came into this thinking I wouldn’t have much to say, but oops. Guess not. I’m not gonna TOTALLY backtrack but what I will say is that. This is actually kinda interesting b/c i was talking to a friend abt the fic in general, and this scene gave me some grief b/c I remember saying I was actually like. Really hesitant to add like. More overt “romantic” elements to the scene b/c I thought they would be too… abrupt or jarring I guess? Like. To me this fic is more of a conduit for me to scream abt Jace n Gorgug parallels from the rooftops, so it wasn't about the starbreaker relationship until I realized it was ALL ABOUT the starbreaker relationship. I also don’t tend to see Porter in my mind as this…openly affectionate or reassuring… Something like that. 

But also there’s this huge roller coaster that Jace is being pulled through and he’s being so starved for affection that he will take absolutely anything rn. I also realized a resolution like that was necessary because, maybe it’s just me extrapolating from headcanon, I always sense this, like, underlying tension between Porter’s desire to dominate and control others vs. his desire to push, to optimize and actualize. We’ve seen him act this way with Fig and with Gorgug, and it’s not textual that this is an internal conflict regarding his feelings about Jace being his subordinate, but to me this tension seemed like a natural extension of Porter’s relationships with the character’s we DO see. After so much breaking Jace down, he’s gotta get built up, gotta get on the hook again.

“Listen to me / I have everything under control”

is also. So authoritative, and the closest thing to reassurance Jace is gonna get. So much of Jace’s side of the conversation is 1-2 degrees of separation away from basically admitting “I care about you so much despite everything, and I’m just begging for you to care about me, too. (Don’t you see how stressed i am. Don’t you care about my life at all. etc).” And it’s telling that Porter can’t be vulnerable in return, the best he can do is reassure Jace that everything is gonna be ok in this egotistical, almost paternalistic way.

(“They’re twig gremlins” is such a signaling facts line tho. Sorry if that’s confusing. I used to listen to the shrieking shack podcast, and their dunkfest on HP7 will live in my head forever highly recommend btw, it fully changed my opinion on the final book forever that it truly should be seen as a GOT final season level embarrassment and for some reason its not even tho it’s astoundingly bad AND meanspirited. Anyway. I remember so clearly them saying one of the weird things abt deathly hallows was that it kept doing this fanfic thing of like “signaling facts” about the lore to prove the writer has done their research or is winking playfully at the source material. Which is weird bc it’s a book and not a fanfiction, so it felt really out of place and jarring. Anyway i have no qualms with fanfic signaling facts. I thought using a fantasy creature that is equally as insignificant as a rat or a spider would be fun. We all know what the ratgrinders do.)

Maybe I got a little over-invested. I can’t help it, I need recruits, and the kid’s a natural. But that’s not everything. He’s too… Too timid. Afraid.” “Of what?” “Embracing his power.”

Extrapolating on Porter’s motivations for saying he needs recruits tho; I mean, I don’t think he ever outright SAYS it but if he wants to be the god of war, I’m assuming he wants strong soldiers for his empire? In my mind this goes hand in hand with the like. Wanting to actualize certain characters even if its technically against his best interests (which i do think is somewhat is goal even if sometimes you can chalk it up to manipulations for his other plans. Like. I do think on some level as just a teacher, Porter thinks giving gorgug some tough love will push him where he needs to go). If you want to meld a strong warrior in your image, it's not a problem as long as you can get them On Your Side, ideally by persuasion but he has no problem using force (presumably shatterstar).

Which goes hand in hand with the doublespeak that is both about Jace and Gorgug when he says that jace/Gorgug is afraid of “embracing his power”. As much as I view it as a tension, i don’t think it’s a true contradiction for Porter to want to control Jace while also wanting to “actualize” him, control to keep someone submissive vs. control to shape someone into something you find personally acceptable.

And in the eyes of Porter, Gorgug’s flaws are that he is timid, noncommittal, and kinda dense; Porter’s never stated in the canon that he’s repulsed by Jace for the same reason, but why wouldn’t he be? He calls Gorgug a “natural” and I’m pretty sure he says that directly to Gorgug’s face in-show? And with Jace being a sorcerer, it’s meant to be a subtle reinforcement (Even when he’s trying to be comforting!!!) that like, yeah, raw talent isn’t enough. Especially if you’re letting it go to waste. I also think it’s Porter trying to recontextualize everything he’s expressed abt Gorgug. No, that wasn’t disgust, it’s a good thing. Trust me. It’s because I want what’s best for you.

All of this is building to Porter making Jace feel like he’s getting a shot to rise to an occasion. He basically just got reprimanded for wanting things to be easy so now it’s like—this is an opportunity for you. (I actually joked w/ a friend abt this, too, abt this idea of like Earning Porter’s Approval literally through the experience of watching FHJY. I actually described it to them as like, I felt like me and gorgug were basically Andy from Devil Wears Prada in the trenches, and on a practical level, we know what Miranda is putting her through is abusive, but also finally gaining her approval feels GOOD and you feel good FOR Andy when she starts nailing the job. I hated Porter for so long but by the time he was getting along with the bad kids I swung in the other direction, I started to really like him. Oh how young and foolish we were)

And Jace from the very start of “Listen to me” buys the whole thing. Porter doesn’t care for who Jace is, but he loves what Jace could be. And I don’t think Porter’s motivations are all manipulative, at least not overtly, because he does see something in Jace, so what if it happens to coincide with using him to ascend to godhood? It’s this genuine, like, god-as-patriarch perspective of i love you so much that I decide what is best for you. And that belief is both a source of frustration and motivation (esp b/c this personal take on Jace is neurodivergent coded. I won’t go into it. The failing wizardry comment did something to my brain, ok? You’ve built up a perfectly actualized version of me in your head and say it's because you want what’s best for me, and you’re making it my problem. I’m not injecting personal experiences into this. Who said I was).

So Porter loves who Jace could be, and in that moment, just out of Jace’s reach it’s enough, it’s even something aspirational. As fucked over as he was by Porter, its like, after a long time of just kinda Existing, it feels good to feel like someone believes in you.

“Tell me some things aren’t worth a little risk.”

Porter kisses him, and it’s an implicit signal of, like, it’s good to be a little dangerous actually. Don’t be such a stick in the mud. It’s good to be bad. It’s exciting, being with you is exciting, don’t you want to push the envelope a little bit for me?

(And in my mind because Jace has referenced missing being with Porter “It's the closest they've been in ages. Jace can't help but lean a little bit into it.” etc etc Jace kinda does this thing where they do their like toxic yaoi at each other's throats back and forth and Jace will kinda peel off. And then come back. Like they’re technically in one of their Off Phases now where Jace tries to convince himself that it’s better if they maintain some space. This is by far one of the more tender instances of them like coming back together, usually it's a lot more, ya know. Violent toxic yaoi coded. But it reminds him of before the shatterstar, when there were more instances like this. Maybe i should have included some of this in the actual fic. Lol. I literally wrote it in such a rush.)

“Hey. You’re gonna knock it out of the park, alright? [...] We’re all looking to you, now, Stardiamond. It’s a heavy burden, but I can’t think of anyone else I’d trust more to handle the responsibility"

And trying to be sneaky, saying things with double meanings is creating this moment of intimacy of like—we get each other. This is OUR thing. AND the flirting is doing double duty. The undercurrent of “I trust you with this responsibility” doubles as a more menacing “Don’t let me down”.  But there's also that recalling of like. Oh yeah, they really are just like. Co-workers. Maybe a little intense to say, but also on the outside, is that not innocuous enough? Who among us has not said to our best friend (i kid)

Anyway, I wasn’t sure where I was going when I wrote it, but i also think there’s something so interesting abt a sorcerer needing to be so dependent on another person for that sense of purpose. Porter is so his whole world here, which is crazy b/c sorcerers project their Will into the world (I have so many thoughts abt how this parallels the thing tracker said to Kristen about liking the idea of making your own meaning but also not wanting to do the work b/c on some level you think you deserve to have it easy. I think Jace is so similar. He likes the idea of being self-determining, of projecting his will, he’s even smug about it, but he also doesn’t want to put in the WORK so the minute someone else comes along gives him answers he’s like ok. That’s ok. Making meaning is exhausting anyway. This is my new reality now. But never mind it. Maybe it's for a prequel?). 

(also bonus that didn’t really fit into the progression of Thoughts, but there’s also the fact that in my mind, Porter saying about Gorgug, “He earned it, after the damn display at Frosty Fair,” is all but an admission that Porter is absolutely placating Jace, and Jace had actually very little sway in Porter’s decision-making. Porter was always gonna sign Gorgug’s MCAT (as long as Gorgug took the initiative to demand it). But Jace FEELS like something has changed, and that’s what matters. (something something that meme of the cow about the illusion of choice lol). I do think there is something intentionally disempowering about Porter bringing it up this way as well. Like, yes, Jace’s problem about antagonizing the bad kids seems to have gone (as far as he’s aware), but he is ultimately reinforcing, “this is my decision.”)

This doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but I do think there is an interpretation to be made (that I also enjoy in and partake) that Porter does also love Jace. I don’t know how much of that comes through in this particular instance.

Anyway, this was such a treat, thank you so much! Sorry if any of this felt redundant af bc i feel like I’ve said a lot of it before, or maybe it’s super self-evident.

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

ajtl/yngs x hello saturday

after watching the actual hello saturday episode that the cast attended I got inspired and decided to write a version with the characters from ajtl because i'm missing them and why not. you can watch the full episode here with english subs but I've also summarized the main points in the post in case you don't want to watch the full 1.5 hour show (though imo it's worth it because it with very fun)

The episode basically follows the games/structure of the actual one that the cast of ajtl appeared on: the antidote carrier trying to create a team of non-poisoned swordsmen through hints acquired by winning various mini-games to successfully draw the six-sided sword from Malan Mountain

The games include an action version of "radish squat" to choose their identities as one of the antidote carrier (1), a poisoned swordsman (4), a non-poisoned swordsman (3); pop culture pictionary, except using up to 5 emojis instead of drawing; 3, 2, 1, look here!; group pose description game; some action-based game to replace the don't sing, move game because I didn't find this segment very interesting

Instead of only having four characters guest star on the show, I'm replacing the usual hello saturday cast members with four more characters

In total, there are two teams consisting of: Ren Ruyi, Ning Yuanzhou, Yu Shisan, Yang Ying AND Li Tongguang, Qian Zhao, Yuan Lu, and Sun Lang

In the first game, Ren Ruyi picks up Yang Ying for one of her actions and flusters her

Li Tongguang has to do the same thing thrice with Sun Lang, who gets very flustered and giggly over it suddenly I have a new rare pair ig

Yang Ying chooses to sajiao and ask for a kiss from Ruyi for one of her actions, which forces someone from the opposing team to do it towards their other three team members

I can't decide whether that someone should be Li Tongguang or Qian Zhao because both feel like equally amusing options

Also someone makes Ning Yuanzhou pout cutely during this game

Following a loss during the emoji pictionary game, Ren Ruyi is the only one not to be frightened by the balloon popping while Yang Ying flinches at the sound

Ren Ruyi trades away Yang Ying after this game, much to Li Tongguang's smug satisfaction ("It seems that shifu doesn't want you either")

Ren Ruyi doesn't understand the rules to 3, 2, 1, look here! and splashing Li Tongguang when he won

Yang Ying gets flustered and splashing Ning Yuanzhou when he won instead of protecting Li Tongguang (who also gets splashed) and profusely apologizing to him (不好意思，远舟哥哥!)

"Shouldn't you also be apologizing to your partner?" He laoshi (the host) jokes. "He's far more soaked thanks to Ren Ruyi"

At some point Ren Ruyi and Ning Yuanzhou switch so it's master vs disciple, which of course ends with Ren Ruyi winning

There's an occurrence where Ren Ruyi chooses Li Tongguang to come to her team which has him ecstatic, but she immediately trades him away the following round when she suspects he's been "poisoned" (the others on his team make fun of him for this)

Qian Zhao's stoic face during the group pose game makes everyone laugh

After the final game Ren Ruyi has to choose between Ning Yuanzhou and Yu Shisan to leave her team, with the former giving a very serious appeal before it dissolves into petty accusations between the two of them

Ning Yuanzhou: "Ruyi, I promise it's not me. You know me and that the clue in the last round is definitely about me. So please, trust me once again."

"As if you didn't break your promise to her! Beauty, listen to me, I'm a much better choice than Ning Yuanzhou. Who else is as handsome and reliable as me?" "Ruyi has never chosen you before, so why would she start now?" "You also lied about being poisoned to all of us for several months!" "For the sake of the mission! I didn't want to hurt morale" "Do you really think you can trust the guy like that? I worked hard this entire episode!" "Yu Shisan—"

In the end Ruyi chooses to keep Ning Yuanzhou and send away Yu Shisan ("Beauty! How could you?") and this proves to be the right choice

if someone wants to write a fic based on my hc please ask first

[fanficfanattic]

I want to be clear that this is not an attack on anyone or any group. It isn’t a call to action. It isn’t an accusation of ableism.

It is a lament.

The fun thing about being autistic is that it is not an excuse to fuck up within other marginalized communities. I fully believe that. But it absolutely affects how you interact with the world. And so it also does with said groups.

It’s already hard to explain that you think you are going from A to B to C* . It’s how your brain works. But you recognize that your disabled fucking brain is capable of being wrong. That level of self-doubt seems to me to be the heart of being autistic. The default setting is that you are wrong. (At least for things that are social behaviors or norms. If it is one of my special interests I will plant myself firmly.)

So when someone else says you actually went over to numbers and then came back to the alphabet on F. You believe them. You don’t understand how though. And is it someone else’s job to point it out? Depends on whether you subscribe to “you are your brother’s keeper”. Generally I think the answer is no, it isn’t their job. And if they go to the trouble of helping me with that, I view it as a gift. I thank people for it.

I also don’t think anyone has to do me the honor of witnessing me process and integrate new information. No one owes me anything. But it is a hard thing to do and being told your effort is wrong? That you’re doing it wrong and are going to be punished for it?

It’s devastating. It is also just another day that ends in Y. Cause that is so often the response from society as a whole. And then also specifically to whom you are directly conversing with. Double whammy of being reminded your brain is broken (by current standards). But told as though that is something you have done by choice.

Is the fact that it is devastating anyone else’s problem? No. I cannot emphasize enough that I know my issues are in fact my issues. That’s why this isn’t pointed at anyone. The only person it ever applies to is myself.

I suspect that this reads as defensive. And maybe it is! I am not an accurate gauge of that and trusting non-disabled people to tell me is just me tilting at the same windmill over and over.

If you think that saying this is once again the wrong thing to do, I’d ask that you just mute or block me. I don’t begrudge or judge for needing to take care of yourself. But I won’t apologize for trying to take care of myself.

I am sorry that this derailed people’s days. That what I thought I was communicating was hurtful. Hurting others is one of the things I wake up and make an active decision that I don’t want to do that. I choose kindness whenever I can.

Impact is more important than intent. But ‘more important’ doesn’t mean the other has no place. And, again, if you disagree with that sentiment you can keep the concept from coming across your dash by blocking me. I support you making a healthy decision for yourself.

Normally I embrace my disabilities**. I know that I can see connections that others can’t or won’t follow. But that can create something beautiful when it comes together. I love being able to talk about my special interests with an intensity most people lack. I’m not ashamed of being autistic. I love myself as a whole ass person.

But as a person who always, always has to grow. I think that all white people (myself included) are racist overtly and/or implicitly. In America specifically but also most of the high white population colonized Crown locations. We grow up in a world that inundates you with false, negative “facts” about BIPOC people and equally untrue, positive “facts” about whiteness. We can and should push back on that social structuring. But it’s got tendrils that infect all aspects of life. We have to keep seeing and looking for the rot and dig it out.

All of that applies to us autistics. How we do that often looks different than how neurotypical people go about it. But isn’t that the whole point?