#thank u to areli for giving her any sense of style

[labelspoon]

AUTUMNTIME LOOKS FOR YA PIRATE GIRL

[killinbills]

hi! i’m currently struggling with the summary for my fic like i don’t want to make it boring with barley anything but i also don’t wanna i reveal everything (did that even make sense¿) any advice?

(this was sent weeks ago and im so sorry it took me so long to respond!!)

right ok so, when i write a summary, in the first summary i make sure to introduce the main character especially. (im gonna use clueless, morningstar, and ruby ruby as an example) (the only reason im using a few is bc i want to show that there are lots of different ways of writing a summary, it really depends on the story)

this is super long so read under the cut xo

CLUELESS: OK, SO, BRIAR CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH — she did not mean to act out the second she stepped foot in Beauxbatons, her grandparents deciding that Hogwarts (for ‘reasons unknown’) was no longer good enough for her and her little brother. She did not mean to find out that her grandparents had forced her and her brother out of the country to avoid them from meeting their father, who had become the newest D.A.D.A. professor… Nor did she mean to get so angry by this that she, well, gave her best friends a run for their money. Fireworks lighting up the dining hall, statues transfigured to resemble David Bowie — everything she remembered her best friends talking about doing, she did, putting her own twist on it (hence David Bowie… and Freddie Mercury… and ABBA…)

MORNINGSTAR: HERE’S THE DEAL — Isabelle Oswald is, sort-of, a changeling. The daughter of the devil given to a human man, a rich lawyer in the Upper East Side, who couldn’t have another kid. Her best friend Riley says that it isn’t really a changeling, more like a demon, but anyway. All Isabelle knows is that she’s pretty much a vampire, swap the blood-sucking for a general need to feed off of energy. And she supposes that’s where her 'birth name’ came from, Moroi Morningstar, but again, whatever. The main issue on the table isn’t so much Isabelle’s weird, but rather, Isabelle doesn’t have to be evil, so she isn’t going to — like, sure, her birth father was a fallen angel, but that doesn’t mean she is. It’s the same as those creeps that are half-angel. (The only saint she needs is Laurent, thanks!)

RUBY, RUBY: RUBY SULLIVAN likes to do the right thing — and she knows this sounds like bullshit, what with associating herself with Carol and Tommy, but for some reason her best friend Steve likes them and that’s enough for her to stomach them. But she likes to do good. Her dad always says stuff about karma and Ruby hopes that if she’s good to the world, the world will be good back… And by “good back,” she means that she’ll get into a good college, or at least find a way to escape Hawkins… And maybe, along the way, Ruby will be able to finally stand up for herself…

so in the first paragraph, i’ve introduced the main character and the situation that they’re in. it’s not so much the actual plot, but like, it’s some background on the character and what’s going on, and also it gives the readers an idea of where the story’s going to start. also, if when you’re writing about what’s going on with your character, if you can find the opportunity to mention other details

eg

“the newest D.A.D.A. professor” = remus is briar’s dad, and “her best friends a run for their money” = if you’re a fan of hp you can gather she’s friends with the twins

“she’s pretty much a vampire” then the specifics introduce isabelle’s powers, and the description about her dad and her origin also explain what’s going on. also, you’re introduced to her best friend riley, and although she’s introduced anyway in the actual story and you don’t need to introduce every single character, riley is important and by having her in the intro puts some emphasis on that

“likes to do the right thing” so ok you know ruby’s motivation already, but also the fact that she’s friends with carol, tommy, and steve. with “escape hawkins” and “stand up for herself,” you can also gather that in this story, you’re gonna have a character that wants to leave her hometown and wants to stand up for themselves (a lot of this does focus more on my next point tho)

then, this is optional, but if possible, you can introduce the character’s personality and, uh, character. obviously this depends on your writing style and whether or not when you’re writing the summary you can add it in without it sound strange, but if possible, introduce the readers to your character. (it’s not like u want them to read a whole story about them)

examples:

from clueless you can gather that briar’s rebellious but also what music she likes. tbh this summary doesn’t show this point as much as the others but that’s okay!! sometimes one summary will have lots of background or introducing the character’s personality and sometimes it won’t!! it depends on the story you’re writing!!

for izzy however, you can get her personality. the informal language (”kid,” “blood-sucking,” “those creeps”) kinda give the sense that izzy’s the opposite of serious, and again that sort of language in a way shows izzy’s age a little? also, the same goes with the “but whatever,” and “but anyway.” like izzy as a character is quite carefree and bubbly. and then, with “the only saint she needs is laurent, thanks!” introduces a couple of things: izzy makes remarks, izzy is rich (bc she’s mentioning a luxury brand like it’s a brand she’s accustomed to), and izzy can be materialistic. like. the only saint she needs is laurent. she’s what madonna was singing about in material girl likeee

with ruby it’s a lot more obivous, and also a lot more stressed? so like in the intro to ruby ruby it shows: ruby wants to do the right thing (so her morals), ruby’s an optimistic character (”she hopes”), and she wants to stand up for herself. because with ruby ruby, the full introduction introduces all of the sullivans, the paragraph for each character was sort of more “yo this is this one” and much less of “this is the full story.” for ruby ruby, the full story’s introduced a lot more in the final paragraph

normally when i write a introduction i stick to two paragraphs and then maybe one sentence right at the end, which often becomes the short summary for the full thing. so in the second paragraph, i introduce the plot. not all of it, but enough to get a reader interested.

CLUELESS: But things take a turn at the end of the school year, when Madame Maxime pulls her aside and informs her of the Triwizard Tournament, a game where Beauxbatons competes against Durmstrang Institute and Hogwarts. And, in the words of Madame Maxime herself — “the school will burn down if I leave you here, so, you are coming, too.”

Fair enough.

MORNINGSTAR: The thing is, though — Isabelle doesn’t want to become a superhero. There are lots of other ways to improve the world, and if anything, she wishes she could keep her powers as hidden as possible. But, when things start to go upside down, it becomes a lot less difficult to stay secret. More and more monsters begin cropping up in her side of the woods, girls from her high school are disappearing left, right, and centre, with the explanation of “We want Morningstar” — and to top it off, her heart skips a beat every time she runs into the kid called Spiderman, even though they’ve managed to be on opposite ends of the civil war between the Avengers…

Life’s hard when you’re the devil’s daughter.

RUBY, RUBY: So when Will Byers goes missing, both Ruby and Lisa are thrown into the deep end. Whilst Ruby’s helping his older brother Jonathan, Lisa’s forced to speak to her own friends again, upon noticing the weird girl that she and Ruby helped escape from the restaurant earlier that week. And now, both girls are living up to their parents’ life lesson of “the most important thing is being good,” even if it means they’re hurtling towards the life their parents escaped from all those years ago…

normally it starts with, “so when this happens,” and it won’t introduce all of the plot, but it’ll introduce part of it.

like, with clueless, in the intro you learn that briar’s going back to hogwarts. you don’t know she becomes a werewolf, you don’t know that she starts to have doubts about preferring hogwarts to beauxbatons, a lot of the plot is unknown, but there’s still enough for a reader to like the sounds of it, and keep on reading.

same with morningstar. it carries on the explaining from the first paragraph but then, you find out that monsters are appearing (but not which ones) and that girls are going missing because someone wants isabelle, but you don’t know why. the stuff’s introduced, in enough detail for a reader to be interested, and then i introduced the love interest. like your readers don’t need to know every single detail off the bat, just enough to be interested

then with ruby ruby. ruby and her little sister are going to be involved with the main story in stranger things. you know who they’ll be hanging out with, but you don’t really know why, nor do you know the rest of the details. at the end i mentioned that their parents were connected with the upside down at one point, but you don’t know what they actually did. just that they were involved. it’s just enough for the reader to be like, “oh shit” and want to read the actual chapters

so, in summary:

introduce your character (because it’s that kid that’s gonna attract readers at the end of the day)

introduce the plot but not in much detail. just enough for readers to be intrigued

make sure the intro reflects upon the story like,,,, don’t give me a fun introduction when the actual story is sad and serious u know

i know it’s super difficult to actually write a summary but i try to keep things in mind when i’m writing mine. like i always want to make sure that the introduction properly reflects upon the story and the character. and again, a lot of the stuff i talked about i don’t make sure to include, it’s more like, i’ll be conscious of the words i’m using when i’m writing it. also a lot of my intros are pretty informal but that’s because my narrative style’s definitely influenced by reading too much meg cabot and lisi harrison when i was little lmao

also!! when you’re writing a summary don’t be afraid to have a look at others. like don’t copy them but look at how different people have written them. like even with three of mine, there’s some variety. there’s no harm in reading others to get a feel of what to write yourself

hope this helps!! :-)

ask me questions!!

also: clueless, morningstar, ruby ruby

[amazingbees]

astro recs !!!

hi folks, this is fr my v lovely mutual @berry-happy-tokki​ !!! <333 she’s rly adorable & soft & super positive & kind & i love her sm !!!!! must b protected @ all costs, v precious ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

anyway, fr astro recommendations, i have 2 categories !!!! rly soft & happy songs & songs that w ill make u c ry ac tu al te ar s ((& ill also summarize the title track songs rq bc im rly weak abt astro & i wanna Type abt them until i can t feel my fingers anymore sORR Y YOu do nt have to rea d it all i wo nt get upset i promis e)) 

/((also u prolly already get this, but if u start w/ listening to all the title tracks it helps u get a rly good grasp of the band & find out their most catchy songs, but also if u decide to take a look @ those later they can b rly special to watch fr the first time !!! both paths r good & valid & a Fun Time !!))

((anyway, lets start w/ the sad songs tho bc i wanna get those outta the way so we can just focus on being happy later oK))

INNOCENT LOVE / 픗사랑 - ok srsly,,,, dont li ste n until ur r eady to Cry,,,,, bc u Will cry & theres no g etting arnd that,,,,,,, but anyway !!! the vocals r 👌👌👌 !!!!!! theres piano & a rly nice slow rap & the song is rly emotional & sentimental & u’ll,,,, , u’ll Cr y ok !! ((some rly good high notes too !!!!!))

YOUR  LOVE / 사랑이 - ugggggggh,,,,, ok,,,, sr sly,,,,, if u think abt it this song is kinda Repetitive but its so so good ok,,,,,,,, their voices,,,,,,,, the rap,,,,,,, its all just so Good,,,,,, but its Sad !!!! like, Inspirational sad tho, & it kinda Moves u, idk ???? ur crying, but u feel so..... Exfoliated & refreshed

GROWING PAINS / 성장통 - this one is just a lil less sad, a lil more Mellow !!!! its pleasant & a nice easy listen !!! good fr background music((, until it gets to that One Highnote, bc, like, its v difficult to focus on anything else but ur rapidly descending tears @ that point tbh)) 

MY STYLE / 내 멋대로 - idk how to describe this brand of Sadness(tm),,,,, maybe like,,, Opera Sadness ??? its like, Dark & Heavy sadness instead of Soft & Light sadness???? idk if this is making sense, b Ut :”) its kinda different from astros regular style !!! which is kinda cool & fun !!!!!

BECAUSE ITS YOU / 너라서 - this one is sad only bc it makes me so emotional oh my go d ,,,,, , ((also theres harmonization & a few minor chords & tha t,,, hi ts me in th fe eling s,,,,)) the lyrics r rly rly romantic & touching & i just,,,,, w e dont Deser ve th em 

gREAT MOVING ON, LETS B HAPPY NO w ok ((jk u’ll still cry, but itll b tears of Happiness from here on out, promise))

CAT’S EYE / 정화 신은 고양이 - i just wanted to start this list off w/ smth rly fun & interesting & ok, like,,,,, this song is so Unique? ??? it has such a special/specific aesthetic & like,,,, theres rly nothing like it, it makes me cr y ((ive never seen high school musical but i imagine its a similar aesthetic idk??)) also !! the audio quality might b kinda weird, but idk ?? i find that kinda charming fr the song tbh :””)

COLORED / 물들어 - i had an Obsession fr so long, omf !!!! i just love this song sm !!!! its rly fun & pure & u can just !!! have a Good Positive Time w/ this song !!!! ((u might get a lil emotional tho & thats natural, dont fight it its o k)), there r a few minor chords thrown in in a way thats fun & keeps things interesting !!!! v difficult to get bored w/ this song !!!!!!

FIREWORKS / 불꽃놀이  - BOYBAND VIBES OK, i get so m any classic american boyband vibes from this & thats prolly just b me, but ???? idk !!! this song kinda sounds like a sunset to me, for lack of better words !! nice & calming ((feels a li l sad in the beginning but dw !!! it picks up p quick !!!! <33))

COTTON CANDY - this is so light & nice !!!! its from the winter themed album & u can Feel it in the song tbh !!!!! reminds me of christmas, i love it alot !!! reminds me of an anime fr some reason !!!!!

YOU & ME (THANKS AROHA) - this is also just rly light & nice, it reminds me of going ice skating w/ someone u love !!!!! i dont wanna ruin this song fr u, give it a listen even if its the only one u click on !!!! <333

MORNING CALL / 모닝 콜 - fr some rea son ,,, ,, this k inda reminds me of a commercial or country music or smth i dk,,,, to me it feels like sunshine & orange juice & fresh picked blueberries !!!! i love it !!!

POLARIS / 북극성 - this one is just Fun !!! youthful !!!! u dont have to think to much to listen !!!!!!! + the beginning is rly pleasant to listen to, i love <33

ok,,,, so if ur still He re ((or if u skipped down, thats fine !!! <33 i write alot & not a lot of it makes sense tbh)) here’s a brief summary of the title tracks, bc they each have such a Specific, Unique aesthetic & i love them all !!!! ((they all fit into the light, happy section dw, dw :””) ))

HIDE & SEEK / 숨바꼭질 - v youthful & sunny & innocent !!!! boyish & cute & pure & wholesome & a rly !!!!! good time if ur sad !!!! <333

BREATHLESS / 숨가빠 - Summer Fun(tm) !!!!!! colorful & refreshing, like having some rly cold pop after being thirst fr a long time !!! v freeing !!!! ((thats the entire concept wOOps)) v bright/light !!! 

CONFESSION / 고백 - the concept is Autumn ,,,, & i t fits so we ll,,,,, v Crisp, yet calming ???? feels like a slightly biting breeze on ur face in october or november !!! a bit more mature than the other concepts, but still bright & has a lovely chorus !!!! ((th mv gets kinda sad but thats oK BC THEY L OOK SO GOOD IT DO ESnt even m aTTE r))

BABY - the song that made me stAN TH e m;; vv different in concept from the others !!!! this one is a bit more techno-y & mature !!! like, astros mvs r progression from Small Child->elementary school->high school->yOUNG AD UL T;; everyone has their own color & theme in the mv, but they all unite & fit so well in the song !!!! still bright, but more like cyan rather than sunshine yellow ????? modern & refreshing, v nice & lovely, the mv will make u cry i promise its so cute pls stan this mv it wont let u down

((anyway, thats it friend !!! thank u sm fr looking @ my trash !!!!! stay amazing, love u !!!! <33))

[vardasvapors]

meme replies

gurguliare replied to your post:                 feanor + early parenthood? or anything about him...                

   “just as damaging as neglect in hindsight” ah, my kink. wait maybe that’s poor word choice in this instance. ah, my sense of humor    

YES

I’m a huge fan of ‘x trait only works in the right story and you’re in the wrong one sorry bruh you’re SOL’ tbh

   “extremely communicative in both telling Maedhros and Maglor everything he is doing (except when making them surprise presents etc) and soliciting their thoughts and feelings on everything they are doing” also this is great, i love feanor who thinks explaining things is boring unless it’s for his KIDS when it’s the MOST FUN CHALLENG EVER    

I am REALLY into Feanor being very interested in kids! Not necessarily good with them from the perspective of people other than him, but very attentive to them and very patient - at least in the sense of ‘I’M not bored of talking to them!’ And for his kids of course everything is a different ballgame than any other beings around. I am...not super sold on good-dad-Feanor in terms of ‘this is a good way to raise children’, but I’m very invested in good-dad-Feanor in terms of ‘i think this idea is awesome for some ridiculous reason so i’m going to do it with my kids’

erotetica replied to your post:                   feanor + early parenthood? or anything about him...                

  that is. the most terrible thing ever done to me, an innocent, f u k

OOPS. sorry! lol i’m kidding i’m not sorry.

thelioninmybed replied to your post:                   feanor + early parenthood? or anything about him...                

   Aww man just fuck me up. I was coming up with questions to expand on this but tbh I’d just be asking you to write the fanfic, anyway this is good shit 

   No i cant help myself, how does his parenting style mesh with nerdanel’s? 

Uh, okay like.........real talk, I am not a big fan of stereotypical media Daddy Issues in the sense of the Colbert ‘a distant authority figure who can never be pleased,’ in large part because of massive overexposure, so I like to see it as kinda...Nerdanel is the reliable head of the household who gives the kids Talks and “imagine how you’d feel if”’s about how decency involves understanding and working with a socially agreed upon idea of how to behave in a community, which go beyond ‘these are my rights’ and ‘my idea is correct so it’s the one that should happen.’ Feanor is the idolizable “*I* love you so much and you made *us* so proud and exercised *your* potential to the fullest” one who reassures and instills within them the idea of how awesome and important they and their whole family and their role is. Like, family-and-family-member-focused and family-approval-based versus member-of-society-focused and principle-based. Which overlap fine for a long time, because timeless paradise. But then........

crocordile replied to your post:                   uuuuh, Luthien + Hair for that hc thing                

   Vantablack hair    

U GOT IT

   No but really, yes, I also love the multiple mentions to her shadows - there was some good meta somewhere that i’ll look for that looked at the wording of when she puts melkor to sleep, which is also irrc described as a shadow of her own    

YES and thank you for the message with the passage, I’m going to quote it:

"‘Sleep, O unhappy, tortured thrall! Thou woebegotten, fail and fall down, down from anguish, hatred, pain, from lust, from hunger, bond and chain, to that oblivion, dark and deep, the well, the lightless pit of sleep! For one brief hour escape the net, the dreadful doom of life forget!’"

Also I had this passage in mind but didn’t want to quote it because it was too cluttered looking:

“when all the Earth had peace and the glory of Valinor was at its noon, there came into the world Lúthien, the only child of Thingol and Melian. Though Middle-earth lay for the most part in the Sleep of Yavanna, in Beleriand under the power of Melian there was life and joy, and the bright stars shone as silver fires; and there in the forest of Neldoreth Lúthien was born, and the white flowers of niphredil came forth to greet her as stars from the earth.“

valaraukars replied to your post:                   uuuuh, Luthien + Hair for that hc thing                

   Came here for the vantablack hair comment but I see I was too late    

Someone write the AU where Luthien is sued by Anish Kapoor instead of running into C&C

yavieriel replied to your post:                   uuuuh, Luthien + Hair for that hc thing                

   Honestly I agree with this so much that for years I’ve been unreasonably annoyed when someone gives Elrond hair that’s just dark brown and ordinary elves in the same fic have black hair and I’m just ???nO???? Excuse you Elrond has the fabled vantablack hair of Luthien accept no substitutes    

VANTABLACK PEREDHEL. Um................regarding all those ‘dark brown’ descriptions, i don’t mind it at all tbh, but that reminds me, how do I say this. Have you ever dabbled in, like, the really really bad LOTR fic, the ones I spent maybe three evenings browsing through about a year ago before noping away from them in amused bafflement? By which I mean. Erestor, the ’exotic’ ‘ethereally beautiful’, with super-black hair? Like, those are some weird seemingly-obvious character description mix-ups, man.

gurguliare replied to your post:                  Elros + Facial hair                

   NO THIS ANON KNOWS WHAT’S UP. elros’s magnificent anime sideburns. does that mean ar-pharazon had muttonchops    

Everyone knows that muttonchops are a sign of being the superior race, ppl with beards are inferior and beardless ppl are those awful elves who are laughing at us for dying.

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars    Kidnapped

Also, yeah how do you   follow up an episode like that?

    Also isn’t this like the     second kidnapped episode?

Oh

You know we actually needed the levity so that I am completely OK with the saving a   thing plot,

  Gives time to breathe-

Ho-nest,      This place looks pretty     neat,

[Though they still knowingly enabled     Tox be    hav-ior]

This is the equivalent of someone ditch    -ing productivity,      And att      -em       pt       Ing          To     Go     Straight         To     creat-iv-ity        Before      anything’s       set up,]

And I should really be careful   not   to get distracted by the pretty lights,

Wa-     rr    ior-

Well least      tox

  Whe         lp,       In-        Sti        gators       ,    Fe      ck,      -      Oh hey that   war we enabl     -ed

 Whelp

Okay, seriously who is that guy?         (Normally I wouldn’t be so nervous        (but the last few episodes                 Not Krell          The under water                   One)       Introduced a guy of a   random species that we have never heard or seen of    and he died before we ever did,

            So,

             I’m                   a                  Little                Nervous                    ,     (I like different   species,)

His design       seems      nice          ...    Neu       tral.

Yet we won’t assume the amount of   accoun-   tability necessary to     enforce it       Don’t get      me wrong;     I don’t want an  infinity war

  But if you enable, be prepared for the consequences and/or to push it back, (what      ever        You       Left,)         Whenever        it comes for your life,         For the rest of it,  (Or until you snap and       hold it accountable,)

      Pro-tection

Usual spiel    but it works.

You know that would’ve worked really well with overinvolved     positivity,

  Though at this point it’s pretty clear they are going for the clear-cut        Jedi- are      Posit         Ive          Ly         Over-          Involv        e               -d-            (Sith - negative)

  And more so         general   “everyone is a     shithead,”         Kinda         Vibe.

   Which is perfectly fine,

    Why?

   That’s a lot

 [also never mind with the     - warning - or get into lines,]

  Obi-Wan looks really young-er      in the scene for some reason

     -His face

         -it’s too smooth

           - and are his eyes a bit bigger?

  10

  Also yeah they specifically told us not to get involved and that they were going to do it on their own       I-n.       Ia        tiv        e

   But screw that

  “Let’s   escalate the situation!”

   Despite that being literally what the dude       fears and probably        his nightmares

                              [screw respecting other adult’(s) initia     tive]

    I know Dooku is implied to be really feckin tox also

   But talk means nothing

   Dude has to have the actions       Attempt it on himself and decide what to do for        himself,

     He’s decided to enable,          Ain’t nothing       that can be done         about that,

[What    was that look?

   [also did Obi-Wan not ask what happened               down there?]

               Great

                Time for   warfare

                 For the Jedi that can’t take a   “no,”             For an   an   -swer

 Gr      -e         a-t        -       ?       Voice    -act         -ing       -       People        Shield             -               What,          I’ve-         Watch          -ed             The     Watton           Boar         -         Arc-           -      -Battle

   Yeah but it’s      -also      pretty     bullshit          - (when have the separatist ever respected the Gen       eva convention?)

    Rex-        Has a           Feck’in            Point

   I

(Also that doesn’t tell them anything this could be    basic    clankers    when no   in fact they are commando droids              )

Ana       Kin’s         Voice      De-eper?

Com       -man                  do-

       [I have a feeling they’re really trying to contest           the we have no fig           -h-ters)

         Lin                  e-             -             A-g                  ain-

        O-h                           Sir,           Oh,           ,           Also, how?

     But also         ok that            guy,

               Surprisingly,     calm        ly      spoken-

    So this could make a great scene    contrasting Obi- won’s I believe   moral nature,       With another strategist that seems to be believing some kind of     chivalry

   [Also, OH SHIT,   is that where they’re keeping the     pris    oners,

  Whelp

   Anakin is a         dick to        holograms,

Seriously      you could’ve      just turned it off,

     [if you had news       or opinion to share        ?)- 

Ok, where the    fuck?

    [Don’t, get me wrong I know Anakin,         was an ex slave,           Everything else             is new..  .  

 Including his    rage towards it,

      Me,

 Hey, they’re being smart    about this,         -                        Up-   s-   et-

Yes,   thank you,   did I miss     something?

P-ast

Doesn’t     justify any of this     bullshit. .

I     mean,

Literally no one     is smarter   than anyone else

 So       Ana        Kin,      ,      OK but that’s a whole different species     and/or a group - -           this is not “past”    this is I just hate feck     -ing    sl-av        er s              -                       And possibly un-vented            anger at trauma-         -                          Either way pretty damn           va                 -lid                  -                         Dis-              trust                 -              Whe-  

Oka-y         ,          I don’t- 

  Also is that an animal or     sentient?            - A game      I find myself playing           to no         One         ‘s      Cha        -grin-         -,         Oh

    Arro         gan      -c-          e

    Ah- tak        e?          ,            Also he has a    non-evil       pet           -            That’s kinda          cute

       But also kinda sad,            Hint,ing          at the fact              Dude was probably intended to be some kind of   animal      focus        (Someone who works around or just generally likes animals - special             ity)

       Before he went     corrupt

            (Showing some    interest in keeping them out of the battlefield,                    And                  Fond-ness)

       Or this could just be a short han     d-e        d symbolism                 For              slavery          and   grooming          -          Both    -work           -             Do        -Tell           -          [oh yeah         dude totally gave away his plan,]

     Despite Obi-Wan almost clearly not being          in earshot

     Nice interaction         * introduction

   Also     ,doesn’t he         already know,            Holo-gra       -m    -         Formal     in-         tro         duc-          tions            -                Are           Nice,             -              Er-

    Seriously what is up with         these two            people?

     Also why did dude           growl?

    For people that look like cats      they sure act like dogs              (Bor- d       -er)        (Nothing wrong with that-        just-         curious-             “      -i

    How?

    Also they’re just really shout-ing their      plans out here      aren’t they?

    S-u        -rr          en-          der-            -           Obi- won    still playing        along..     ——           W-help            -           He       gave        him            a         chance             -         Whelp-

    O-k

  Honestly he’s acting pretty calm and      diff-erent-ly characterized,             The Kenobi we know wouldn’t raise             a hand to help even himself                   (In ani.)             Also            I’m surprised Aniken hasn’t stumbled across anything by           now,

       Thought that would be the        crutch            of the narr-ative tension in the          office,

       But          Aight           ,         Calling the chips early is completely fine I will never have an issue with chara-     ter     -(s-     acting slightly smarter than expected,

Though wish Anakin had shown some kind of      initia-       tive-

 Like the stories telling us that he’s really      pumped up   “about      the     whole      slave      thing,”          . . .         But has just found          nada when it comes down to      rescuing the slaves,         Or just finding any hints about this    oper     -ation      in general,

To summarize;     What the heck has Aniken been doing the last minute      and a half             ~              ?            No-thing

[like if everyone had told him to chill due to his       clear aggression     believe he caused some harm      in his rage,

   And sent         Ahsoka         in-stead

         That would make a lot    more sense,

  [and make up Obi- wan look like less of a              Irrational Dick        By sh(ar-ing) Anakin‘s backstory         without any permission       or reason,

    While there    he might have to explain to       Ahsoka    why he’s sending her      and not Anakin,]

  Just-        Writer       Th-       ough   -t-         -      Treat-        ment          -    “ You have broken        through my         defenses,”

   Emotionally             or            ...      physically?             . .           Never           mind-

        Would’ve              been nice      if someone actually took him up on that          offer               -              (Like some villain(/enabler) is like you know what my job sucks,    my boss sucks, I could really use an       nap...

    Sure]     ..     They were just standing there          ...      doing nothing,

     Like,      Dude literally just said       there were bombs planted all over the city,

  And, no one’s in a ru-sh            to fix that-

       Or use them to find the           kidnapped people..

[I   mean      fair       ...    but      geez.

   Colo      -nists,

     Again,      where are they?            . . .             You supposedly sent Anakin to find       - them but we haven’t seen anything           -               Also yeah the dude is totally going to give up    his only bargaining     chip         . . .           After being          out gunn        -ed-            -            Well             -           Also you have one button that only activate(s     one mine?

          Like did you, set that up just for the purpose of    in-timi     dating people

   Also congrats    you likely threw away    your only bargaining chip                 -      because from his point of view     the explosion already went off-                        -       And he doesn’t know that you had one     specific button just for that      one mine-             -      (Like it   doesn’t sound that loud but he could’ve gotten     hear-ing probl-em (s-) from the      near- by      explosions,     )

  We-         ll-

   “Col-on-ists,”

  Oh     good thing you told him after you destroy-ed the       thing-

   And he didn’t go into attack mode and you have a light saber press-ed to your throat-

   dumb

I’m sorry but that’s just so adorable

   Look         at            it;

   Man like(s soft squishy things and    he doesn’t seem to be      hurt          ing-           -it,

      Like,           How               ?

        Also, did       no one check               for               that               shit?

Like,      No-

Me-      dic

 Wh-       el        p-

  Bo-

 Several people      -just died           And he         comforts the    robot.. .

   Dick

Also, Maybe       It’s be       cause         Cody         is     Obi-Wan’s        Gen.       (Generation          or      General)            Doesn’t     make much         of a        dif-ference?            -         That          this        flies?      (I mean I can        understand him not giving       too much of a heck,       Due to this being a war      caused by this guys’             Gen,         But     seriously,)

     Also yeah            kinda          ,dick             ,          Screw         medical     attention,

      Well,

     That’s a lot of faith          for a whole              lot a          nothing,

     Also let’s go do the thing       we were supposed to be doing            this entire time,

   (I think)

  My brain started going numb and I half paid    attention            -         Oh, wait 

now we’re getting into the back      story?

 After they’re on the planet

  Without any       pre-emption?

 -Er

My brain      cells      are    asleep,        -        Al        -ive         -           Seriously, what is up with the   -bird     thing,

   (I really hope     it factors into his character)

   Or is brought up

  Frust-      trat-      Ion

“Zy,”

  Dude they’re slave traders    I really don’t think     you want to do that          (Just           a       thought)

Also maybe     suggest     trading        him some       exotic animals,

   Dude seems to have a pen      -chant

   And he seems to treat them    re-     lati       vely       well,

   (There   are some in cages but that just seems to be for      transport,                         ) -  no I thought you should ever take animals        out of a pre-         ferr              ed         Safe  climate

       But he could have one set up            abet a smaller one,

        Wha?             (The      voice acting           there           was         weird,)

       Also, really?

    That’s the     competition?

 (Is there ever a tradition..   

    That isn’t fighting?)

  Also, okay,

 but is it like some kind of style of fighting?

     (I swear he you challenges him to sword fighting.)

   Then again Zy-         ger-          Ian-       fighting-

  Dif-ferent rules   could be interesting

   Possibly establish           Obi-Wan                 as                a          well traveled              man,

                   (So long as he isn’t allowed to use his                         feck -in light saber,                             -) (Which     Anakin      hasn’t        been       doing         at all,

 Also lower      ed risks     are nice,

Again, not saying anything about     deactivating em,

Also what the fuck is with that guy’s facial   expressions,

  Like ever since that moment       it has gone     insane,       (As in I can’t for my life     read what they’re trying to express,       And that is the closest     translation;       I can come up with,

Never   mind      -   he’s an asshole      -    Even th-

  Screw         It

  (The       logic         is not on        the high setting           with this one.”

       Any way,              Per-

        That’s

         [do you know how back when I was revie-       wing the movie I thought about how the escalation one from         1 to 10 and the characterization switched on a dime?

               -Not to   insult,

    But this is starting to feel a lot like   that-

 My brain already very checked out at this   point-

Because I     really   don’t    need      it for     this-      -   W-

  Constant      Characteri-zation?!

   What-  

[Excuse me while I sit over here drinking my       ‘wtf just happened,’          juice

   You know      when I was reviewing (Earlier) scenes       like this;           I used to give it somewhat of a pass    saying;              (Some        thing       along           the          lines            of)

       Well people change on a dime,

  Which I’m starting to realize    getting further into this;        Is that you need some kind of sentiment       Or pre-       -empt         To        Connect          Those           Thoughts      -             The           eyes             need              to           narrow                 -               The             body          language            needs              to             change                 -      The     music       (perhaps)        a subtle       change in tone;         -        It can’t change on    that much of a dime        -

            I               don’t               need                   a                  lot;                 Just some kind of indication about what the      feck just happened,     -             Because otherwise it’s just    spaghetti      -         Like I’m sorry     but it’s true-              -      The expressions before were completely unreadable      and down          right-        unhuman,

      There was no word      ,cues to indicate anything

      And the music     which could’ve been a brief    Cue,        Of whether this is supposed to be        abrupt or         instigated,             Well I don’t,     think there is any,   

                        Fix scen;                                    e

                     This guy smirks, possibly chuckling, the bird leaving his           arm-, possibly pre-facing it with, “ well then,  let’s          be-gin,” or a body posture is simply leaning in before     pouncing,

      Telling me    this is part of the plan,

        And that’s Zygrians value a more wild style of fighting with the element of surprise      being      emphasiz       ed-

    Which makes sense considering what seems to be a      hunting         focus,

    With snark following up either confirming or     denying,  

    That as true           (Or          False)

     That his actions were        prec-        edent-        ed         or        not,

      As it stands,  

   There was no      Cue

    And I’m        completely          lost.              . . .           Whel            -p

                           Well that was a bunch of nothing                                                                                  .  .  .                               Which is a shame because it had a lot of good     subjects to focus on, Slavery, the difference between Wild and Order, tam-ing, groom-       Ing,      Cap-       tivity              -         The concept of an invasive species,

     Unfortunately the writing is so inconsistent,      And generally        poor,         That it can’t carry a beat for longer than a few     min-utes

        Well I’ve noticeably praised the attempt to take on a higher intensity material

         That doesn’t give an     excuse for the apparent drop in quality

          Often; i’ve said that            stupid villains are fine

        However       the thing that often irritates me         in those episodes;           Isn’t that the villain’s            Stupid   

          It’s the lack of          self-awareness             (Not in the poking            fun of one’s                 self                 way)

  Is that it isn’t        framed that way,

  (No snark,    very little realistic the consequences without drawing attention to it,        And very little change       except the     villain is now Stupider          Though it attempts to keep the same dramatic tension          and stakes)

   In sum        -mary:

    While I think this episode had a lot of interesting concepts to work with they will unfortunately             Wasted                   By the episode lack of commitment, consistency, and constant characterization,

      Most        notably;

     - Anakin’s resent             -ment                    Of          slavery             (His care of it turns off and on like a light switch and his intensity             varies)

         Functioning less like a Berzerk/.              accountability button                  (Mild               Responsibility)  

               And                 more                  like                   an                excuse            to have him             flip his lid,

             Make                   odd                 facial            expressions,  

             And generally put, shout  put emphasis In a nonsensical bordering on                  inhumane way

                What seems to be a disturbing trend (with the characters       ;)

               Specifically the                  Zygarian                     here

                 And                      Ani             

              -The                 difference               between            wild and tamed;                   Along with a constant theme of slavery,                  It’s paired with the constant imagery                 of animals in cages

             Which would be fine if it was actually presented as an               excessive detail,

             But the focus is put on it and nothing ever seems to come of it

            (Almost as if it’s expected that just by having      it there, the motif comes with it)

             Which no

             Animals in cages and...            What?

             Like, I have an idea         what they’re trying to hint at,

             But until           the story commits;

             “These animals           are very much like you,”

               Then it remains in                        limbo,

 As wasted time          And wasted     emphasis,            -

      The Zy-             Gar            Ian             (s)          backstory;           Note      this works off another point         about captivity,

        Now, from the little bits,  I could get from the conversation;

        The Republic                inter                   fer                  r                   e                  d,                   Note; this seems to be a pretty big deal

   The antagonist      esp          ecially             affec               t-                e-d

           By                  It,

  But we never learn much about it      or him        (How it affected)

    Yeah he re-peats           Some          po-ints;            But it’s never elaborate-         d on

         What exactly       hap-pened to him?

          What exactly       hap-pened with the conflict?

           How?

            To be more                  precise;                     This presents the idea of a rather fas-       cin-        at        ing      conflict about the over- involve-ment of an outside species into              a           Nother’s            Planet          -           And I don’t think it really       utilizes it

       Drop      ping it almost instantly,          For an almost emotion-    less        fi-        gh          t,        Where are dude repeats ‘they were happy,        And generally everything except “I”             (How he was affected)                 Or any authentic emotion

       Just unread         able        inhumane       expressions            . . .       Not much in the way of themes,        motifs,            Or anything of         real        sub-      stance-         -       Sub      Category;           The clones got injured in an            attack;             This is not treated with any sort of        heaviness              -             Or even note             (Nor to the status/            theme of captiv-               ity- or                Sta              Tus                In               The              Empire-)

            Or         represen-tation               of             order,

           (And is quite point blank pointless)

           Not to speak of the ending where the Anakin is         almost point-blank informed                  That the captives are being held on                    Ty-                    Ger                        ia/                        By the Ty-                       ger-ians

                Po-int being;                      This is pretty subst                  antless                          Sn                            -ack,                             That lacks any kind of consis          tence

       - And isn’t.          worth the                watch,

           (With             nothing              set up)

          (Might’ve wanted to go with an                 R2-D2/ (CpO?) episode)                   Work on that tone                first

               Before trying anything serious,                   With that robots scream of absolute terror                  upon its death..