#thank u for the ask!!!!! sorry this took years to answer lol

[poptartmochi]

13, 18, and 25 for year end asks!

13. How was your birthday this year?

Ohh man, truly I don't remember my birthday at all.. ^^; I looked through my gallery and Snapchat, and all I have is one photo of the mannequin at work after some kid pulled its arm out of the socket, making it look like Slenderman 😆 my birthday is during school season at work, so I was busy!

18. A memorable meal this year?

the Airport Qdoba... it will haunt me forever <3 </3 When I went to visit my sister, one of my layovers was in Atlanta and I was sooooo certain the airport there had a Cinnabon. I had work before I flew out and i'm notoriously bad at Not Eating when I'm working, so I think I'd only had like. half a bagel from my manager when I went to the airport? but I was convinced I would be fine Because I Was Going to Feast At the Cinnabon in the Atlanta Airport <3

I WAS SO WRONG LMAOOOO. Atlanta does not. in fact. have a Cinnabon inside its airport (although i think at one point it Did?? there's a cinnabon facebook with its location inside one of the terminals.. but iirc it hadn't posted in a Long Time), which I realized after traveling between terminals like a chicken with its head cut off.. my denial was real, I must have spent at least 45 minutes trying to find it.. T o T

Once I caved and admitted defeat, I ran into a huge issue because most airport restaurants actually close at like. 8 or 9!! So I was suddenly faced not only with Defeat but like bone deep hunger, I remember this vividly! iirc I found a buffalo wild wings or something similar that was seating people, but there was a line in front of me so I put my name on their waitlist and plopped down at a gate for like 30 minutes.. and then they closed... and i was like Oh. FUCK!

So, with time quickly dwindling before my plane arrived, I started Fucking Walking like a crazed dog, true majimacore, trying to find a Restaurant, any restaurant 😭😭 I was so hungry at this point.. the promise of food from buffalo wild wings had kept me going but that was gone now! T_T so I hopped on the tram between concourses one final time because everything in my concourse was Now Closed, in the hopes that something would be open in another terminal..

when I got off the tram and started walking in the new terminal, I encountered a Chick Fil A and i really was about to break my boycott because i STILL remember how good their food smelled, it was like a remy the rat Moment.. but the line was so long and I was running out of time to get back to my terminal in time for my plane, so I hurried along in the hopes anywhere else was open.. luckily for me, this terminal had a proper food court and !!! qdoba!!

I wanted to sit and eat it in that terminal because I was Truly Starving at this point (i found my liveblog of it and. funny story. the day before i posted abt how i hadn't eaten all day 😳😳 so i was on like hour 38 of Hunger), but time was getting iffy now and I was worried I'd be late so I went back to my gate and, funnily enough I had a Fair Bit of Time Until My Plane Came.. it's the time hunger dilation ykwim T_T. anyhow I scarfed that Qdoba down in like 3 minutes flat and felt sick because I ate it so fast lol 🙈🙈

imo qdoba is okay, and it was still true in this situation, but ouugh I will NEVER forget it because. that is a height of drama, despair, and desperation I have not experienced in Some Time.. to top the entire thing off, I learned that Cinnabon was in Charlotte's airport.. i will never make the mistake of thinking it's in Atlanta again lol!

25. Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

This gave me a miniature crisis because it made me confront the fact that 2022 was not, in fact, 2021... everything I've attributed to 2022 happened in 2021 and this was actually somewhat unsettling to realize.. idk WHAT i got up to this year lol!! 🤪🤪😳🆘🆘🆘

upon reflection, I didn't actually make many new characters this year! It was a lot of refining Gioia and fleshing out the supporting characters for her narrative better.... you know who WAS created this year... miss gioier... (around valentines day, apparently! which is so funny because if her narrative isn't 39% Love Loses than idk What it is lol!)

i already wrote paragraphs about the Cinnabon-Qdboba incident and that was small bananas SO. Miss Gioier is going into scp containment beneath the readmore because we all know it's about to get long and rambly <3

Edit: I finally finished writing the readmore... yeah it's super fucking long <3 If you don't want to read it all, here's a SparkNotes of her character: longtime friend of Vergil + a spy for the Order's underground movement against the demons. Gets abducted and basically turned into a metaphysical demon mole, which inadvertently leads to the murders of the Order's members. Her guilt over this leads to her becoming Vergil's lackey after the events of the game, in which many memory-erasing hijinks ensue. Eventually she and the metaphysical demon break free of Vergil's clutches and help Dante and Kat to oppose him. Her metaphysical demon mole powers accidentally grant her the ability to warp reality, which is a big facet of both her boss battles.

ahh the girlie that was Never Meant to Be.. when I first replayed the reboot, I was pretty far down the Gioia hole already but I disliked the reboot so much that I Swore i would never make a reboot edition of her.. and for like two months I held true to that promise! but then i made the mistake of listening to poppy and looking at this exact photo:

and something spawned in my mind that i have YET to be rid of </3

i always call her Gioier to differentiate her from the original timeline, but I recently Officially Named her Magdalena, so that's what she'll be called henceforth! <3 I won't delve too far into her development because truthfully I don't remember most of it and also it is a rollercoaster of abandoned ideas and retcons lol!

So! for context. The DMC Reboot is set in a city called Limbo that's basically a surveillance state ran by demons masquerading around as humans (important time to mention that the final boss pretends to be a guy named Kyle.. i'm still unwell over this 🤓). Most people are unaware of this due to a variety of reasons, but there is a n underground cell of people working to overthrow the state- they're called the Order! This group is lead by a guy named Vergil, who is actually dun dun dun, the child of a demon and an angel and thus the only thing strong enough to defeat the aforementioned Kyle, who we'll henceforth refer to by his serious name Mundus... anyhow there's rituals to reaching the core of Mundus or something like that- in any case, he can't do it alone and needs the help (read: power) of his long lost twin brother Dante to do so. Dante is in and out of the system and altogether a mystery girl, so Vergil uses the help of a human psychic named Kat to track him down and bring him into the Order's fold. The plot follows their adventures in basically kicking the legs out from under the powers that be and toppling the system, yay!! But in doing so, they kind of shatter the barrier between the human and demon worlds... yay?... boo?.... And plot twist, Vergil doesn't even care for humanity Like That, he just wants to be the one in control of everything! tragic 😞

so where does Magdalena fit into all of this? well. She was one of the first members of the Order, and she's been spying on the demons for them all this time. On the surface, she's a musician/DJ/singer/?? that regularly performs at the nightclub owned by Mundus' right hand woman, Lilith. I have yet to figure out the extent of how she gets her information, sometimes it's just her eavesdropping + observing the crowd between sets and sometimes it's her engaging in Britney Spears Break the Ice-style mania... In any case, Magdalena is nestled deep in lion's den, but it's this risky position that allows her to feed a lot of crucial information back to the Order.

Before the events of the game, the Order is focused on finding Dante so that Vergil can proceed with his plans of overthrowing Mundus, and this is something of particular importance to Magdalena as well. When Magdalena was young, her parents were (gasp) murdered for running an undercover radio network criticizing the demons and she was sent to an orphanage. This orphanage is incidentally the same on Dante ended up at once the demons found him after his father's betrayal of Mundus, and they struck up a really tight friendship... Originally it was because Dante stuck up for her, but considering the positions they were in when they met, maybe it was the other way around! :O In any case, the situation is very fucked up because everyone at the orphanage is tied to dissidence and, were it not for their usefulness, should be dead. Anyhow, Magdalena doesn't spend a ton of time there before her much older brother, coincidentally aided by Vergil's adoptive parents, was able to find her and assume guardianship of her. The fact that she abandoned Dante there is something that lingered heavily over her 12-year old mind after returning to the 'normal' world, and became a heavier thought still once she encountered Vergil at one of his parents' / her brother's events and went 😨😨😨😨😱, because who the fuck is this dude who looks just like the bestie she abandoned to fend for himself in hell!! wtf!!!

iirc, the game pushes the idea that A Long Time Ago, Kat was the one who helped Vergil recover his memories of his childhood + learn of his true nature, but the comic directly contradicts this? In the comic, Vergil already has a solid grasp of his abilities and knows Way More about limbo/ hell? than Kat does. Normally, I disregard stuff presented in side material that doesn't fit what I'm working with, BUT.. This contradiction paired with the twist at the end of the comic is unsettling enough that I decided to roll with it.

So! After so many instances where Magdalena and Vergil are forced to be in the same space because their adults have a close work relationship, Vergil finally confronts her about why she always looks so horrified at the sight of him, and so begins an incredibly long and ill-fated friendship... Magdalena explains herself and Vergil doesn't believe it, but then he begins questioning his memories and The Disillusionment Begins. Magdalena shares what she knows of demons with Vergil, and over the years the two secretly begin to build up the Order.

Unrelated to her 💃🏻💃🏻 with Vergil, she also builds up a musical identity as the years go on. At the beginning, this was because she was too scared and hurt to talk about what happened to her after her parents' death, and it was easier to convey herself through sound. As she became older and felt safer in her situation, she still used it to comment on things she couldn't speak about literally; this and her banger production skills 🤪 drew a lot of people to her, which she eventually used to guide people towards the Order. In time, her popularity caught the attention of Lilith, who invited her to perform at the Devil's Dalliance partially because her music was so captivating and partially because Lilith remembered who she was and wanted to keep tabs on her. In a DMC3 Vergil-esque delusion of grandeur, Magdalena thought she had one up on the demons and dove into the deep! Beyond being able to spy on the demons from her new position, I think Magdalena's role here is also beneficial to the Order because it gets them a lot of ins that they wouldn't have access to normally- I like to imagine the festival (?) at the beginning of the comic is like this. In any case, this drives her away from Vergil- partially by necessity and partially because Magdalena is just a very dedicated individual lol. This also brings us back around to the comic- she's not there to crowd Kat because she's doing her own things in service of the Order.

Anyways! Circling back around to the hunt for Dante! fuck the vergil's downfall dlc, THIS is Magdalena's downfall man 😭😭😭 between the very old guilt about abandoning dante + the newfound knowledge that he is a key part of achieving Magdalena's core goal of overthrowing the demons' rule over humanity, Magdalena is Incredibly devoted to finding Dante. By the end of the comic, the Order has stepped back from finding Dante because he's basically gone off the radar after breaking out of a prison- it'd be easier for the demons to guide the Order to him, iirc. At some point before the start of the game, Dante starts frequenting the Devil's Dalliance- enough for the girls that work there to be decently familiar with him. One of them mentions him around Magdalena, and she basically gets the metal gear ❗ above her head lol. They start talking about him, and Magdalena's ready to run on home and have a MOM HOLY FUCK moment, BUT.... either the girl snitches to Lilith or Lilith happens to overhear their conversation (she is a demon and the nightclub Is her domain after all...), but. to say the least, Magdalena does Not Run On Home 💘😨

instead... she's yagga'd and brought to. Honestly Probably Some Room in the Club, but does Magdalena know this? no ❤ anyhow, she comes to and is interrogated about Dante. This is pretty brutal because Lilith circles back on her childhood friendship with Dante, trying to get Magdalena to reveal that they've somehow been in contact and Conspiring Together all this time. Magdalena has five seconds of terror about this before she realizes Lilith Doesn't Know About the Order and starts playing 5D chess not just for her life, but for the Order's too. Magdalena, steel-willed as ever, manages to keep the facade up but after all the interrogation and torture, Lilith isn't convinced that Magdalena and Dante aren't connected somehow. If Lilith was wrong about this, it would mean that most of her interactions + her entire business relationship with Magdalena would have been a huge waste of time... Speaking of huge wastes of time, Magdalena is still in the chair and Lilith is still no closer to figuring out why she was asking about Dante. If she isn't going to get the bottom of this, she might as well ensure that something fruitful comes of the interrogation, so she does something unorthodox...

In the game, there's a class of demons that look like normal humans called spotters/lookers- I always forget this and imo they are swagless names SO. I will be referring to them as seekers because that's essentially what they do anyways :O But, so the seekers. You never encounter one in actual gameplay, only cutscenes, and their only purpose is to drag Dante into Limbo and into a fighting sequence. When they spot Dante, this black liquid called Malice starts pouring out of their eyes and mouth, and then he's ferried into the other world. They are incredibly weak, capable of being handled by a single knife to the head- the one that's taken out this way makes no attempt to dodge the knife, either. My take on this is that the Seekers are just vessels for Malice that use human corpses as conduits. I think the Malice preserves the corpse so that the Seeker can blend in with regular society (the last one we see is at the club lol!) until it finds its target. The most important thing is the Malice, which serves as an anchor point for Limbo to overtake the waking world once it's out of the Seeker...

For me, there is no soul beneath the Seeker's influence. The way they move is so sluggish and they don't seem super aware of their surroundings beyond their target's presence. That, their robotic pursuit of their target, and the fact that we encounter plenty of disembodied souls throughout the game brought me to that conclusion. So! The unorthodox thing that Lilith does is turn Magdalena into a Seeker, but retain her soul. This way, Magdalena can go about her business as usual, none the wiser that she's a walking time bomb. She can keep searching for Dante, and when she does, he'll be dragged off into Limbo as easy pickings for the demons. Plus, in the meantime, Lilith gets to keep the DJ that draws people to her club like moths to a flame. It's an easy win-win for her.

So the seekerization begins.. dun dun dun. I don't really have a solid idea for what this actually means, but it involves something like in Death Stranding where the BTs drag Sam through the tar and into the Seam.. I like to think there is a psychological battle here too, while Magdalena's fighting for her life, but after everything Lilith's put her through, she loses 😞🤘🏻 Magdalena drowns in the Malice, and as she does so the Seeker overtakes her body, corroding the insides to make room for the tar. At the end, Lilith puts her soul back into her body and wipes her memories of the interrogation. Now she's like Danny Phantom!

When Magdalena later comes to, it's to the girls at the club worriedly checking on her because she "fell asleep at the booth!", or something of that nature. They urge her to go home- she's been working too much and tonight was a split stage so the other act could take over or something. Magdalena feels super hazy, on account of dying and being shoved back into her own corpse, so she obliges and goes to change out into her civvies. She misses some key things as she does so- the numbness, the light handprints around her limbs...

I forget how long there is between the seekerization and the kickoff of the game, but it can't be super long because Dante's presence at the club is already known to Lilith when she interrogates Magdalena. In any case, she's able to go for a little while without realizing something has happened to her, and the Order is safe in the meantime because the Malice can only alert the demons to her location if she sees Dante.

The passage of time between her transformation and the beginning of the game is a Trial for Magdalena- anytime Dante's name is brought up, mainly at the Order, pressure from the Malice builds up in anticipation of seeing him and bridging the waking world and Limbo. Magdalena writes this off as anxiety about crossing the threshold from the Order's present to their future, and carries on as best as she can until the morning the game begins... The discovery of Dante and the tipping of Limbo has the Malice in a silly goofy state that finally sets the alarms off in Magdalena's mind, so she sets out to find Kat because Kat, with all her psychic powers, is probably the only person who could figure out what's happening to her. The television broadcasts of the pier getting fucked up because of Dante stoke the Malice further, and by the time she reaches the Order, she's on the brink of like.. sensory overload? For lack of word?

All I've really got for the next bit is that she runs into Vergil, because Vergil needs to remember in the future that something was Off about her here. The interaction is inconsequential- I think Vergil is excited that Kat has retrieved Dante, and Magdalena is just *TV STATIC* 👁👁🤘🏻 *TV STATIC*. They watch Kat and Dante pull up to the Order together on the cameras, and then Vergil leaves to go greet them while Magdalena stays behind? And then she sees Dante on the cameras and it's game over for her as the Seeker overtakes her consciousness because finally, finally it's time to drag Dante into Limbo!!! Except. Dante is no longer on the camera she's watching, and also they aren't even in the same room together.... he has unknowingly checkmated the Seeker lol

I have no idea what happens to Magdalena after this moment, but she's taken off the board for the literal rest of the game. <3 😅 I feel like a logical conclusion would be that she's fighting for her life through Limbo, which is incredibly alien to her because She Is Not a Demon.. it removes her from the picture until the end of the game, when the seal between Limbo and the waking world is broken, but I truly don't know what I want to happen 😫 In any case, the little ping she created when she saw Dante on the camera proves to be consequential, as it provides the location of the Order to the demons, which is precisely how they're able to storm it later in the game.

As I said, Magdalena only comes back to herself after the game is finished. The world around her is in ruins, and she is! horrified by this! The Seeker, which she's now aware of, has also been corrupted because of the nature of the world- the metaphysical gap it was meant to bridge no longer exists in a stable state, so it in and of itself is like a glitched entity now. Once again, Magdalena decides to go to the Order in the hopes of finding Kat. When she reaches the Order, she finds it in ruins, with the bodies of her old friends and comrades piled up from the raid earlier. This sight proves to be too much for her, and her brain jumps 15 steps and concludes that she and her earlier episode with Dante and the Malice are to blame for the state of things around her. She is to blame for the collapse of the Order and the death of her friends.

As she's having a proper menty b over this, two things happen. Since she doesn't have a proper body, she starts crying Malice instead of tears- the Malice interacts with the environment and tries to warp into Limbo, but this isn't a really a thing that can happen anymore. Weird metaphysical effects occur, which Magdalena misses because she is deep in her breakdown... but that's okay, because Vergil (who is in the area for. Reasons?) notices! :] 😨😨😨😬

now mind you, this is the Vergil that's gone through the whole game and ALSO his evil girl DLC. So, when he sees his best friend who'd been assumed dead crying over the corpses of everyone they'd created their underground movement with, what he really sees is the odd ways reality warps around her. He sees an opportunity! 😈😰 so begins Magdalena's downfall pt. 2!

In an evil nod to the way Vergil grounds Gioia during a moment of extreme grief in the main universe, Vergil draws her back to reality here. Magdalena is overwhelmed with relief to see that at least Vergil has survived the Everything, but the sight of him also twists the knife in her heart because she was the one who caused him all this loss. Her guilt is subtly tangible, thanks to the Malice, so Vergil puts it to work and begins The Manipulations. He paints a false picture of what happened in the aftermath of Magdalena's blackout, one that makes her think Kat and Dante died so she doesn't go off looking for them and risk being swayed away from him. Her powers could be useful to him.

Magdalena has no reason to question anything Vergil says, so she believes him blindly. In my head there's a lot of gravity to this for her- if she helps him, she can atone for the death of the Order. I think she's also able to rationalize What He Does in a post-DLC setting with the same logic he tried to levy against Kat and Dante- this is for humanity's own good! Her own fuckening supports this logic- if someone is ruling over the demons, it prevents more amalgamations like her from being created.

I don't really know what Vergil's motivations would be in a theoretical DmC2, nor what the conflict would be. For me, it would pick up very shortly after the finale of the first game and deal with the fallout of Vergil and Dante's actions, namely the shattering of the veil between Limbo and the waking world. I like to imagine that the world would take on some Death Stranding-esque characteristics!

Magdalena would fill in as Vergil's right hand man, since Kat is now lost to him. Beyond the whole savior and sinner thing they have going on, Vergil also helps Magdalena develop a symbiosis with the Seeker and harness its mutated powers. I think Magdalena reads more into it because she is seeing him through... highly saturated rose-tinted glasses lol! But this is solely for Vergil's own benefit, and he doesn't hesitate to dispose of her once she becomes more trouble than she's worth.

But how does she do that! 😯 So at some point it is not only natural but Fair that, after both catastrophically failed attempts, Magdalena finally runs into Kat. This is a crazygirl reunion, because Magdalena thought Kat was dead! She grieved her! And Kat thought Magdalena had died a long time ago, during the raid! so it's a very spiderman meme moment, but then Dante shows up and things go awry because the Seeker has yet to overcome its initial programming. idk what happens after this, but when she comes across Vergil again, she excitedly tells him he was wrong about Kat and Dante dying, unaware of The Fallout... Vergil wipes her memories of Kat altogether, and with a portion of Magdalena's psyche gone, the Seeker takes over more of her consciousness. The symbiosis deepens!

This second iteration of Magdalena is Golden for some time, until she runs into Kat again and comes back to him with a myriad of questions. He overwrites her one more time, so that all that's left of her is her devotion to him? Consequently, the Seeker takes over more of the mindscape, but the Seeker is automatically loyal to Vergil's power so it might as well be the same thing. Some Final Line is Crossed, maybe the Seeker falls short of his expectations or has a Cringefail Henchman Moment that gives Dante a leg up over them or something, and as stated above, Vergil decides it's outlived its usefulness to him. He goes to town on it with the Yamato and leaves it for dead, which probably would have been fine for him If the seeker was not some weird fucked up mutation with properties tied directly to reality 😔

This is a turning point for the Seeker, because... you KICK MIETTE? YOU SLICE ITS BODY LIKE THE HAM!! Magdalena's body is a conduit for the Seeker, and without it, the Seeker probably cannot exist. It begins to warp reality to meld her back together, fighting tooth and nail against the brink of both their deaths. As it does this, it mulls over Things and realizes the symbiosis between them was not just physical and mental, but emotional too! It's been through all sorts of madness with Magdalena, and it is afraid to go on without her. Even in their final iteration together, where things were more Seeker than Magdalena, it was Magdalena's power of will that put the fuel in the Seeker's tank. The Seeker is a simplistic demon, one that was never meant to have its own will. It is afraid of trying to survive this alien world without Magdalena guiding it. Thus, its driving motivation is to keep them alive and bring Magdalena back from the brink.

Dante coincidentally strolls in to the place where the Seeker is trying to reconnect everything- I like to imagine this is a very eerie moment of gameplay, trudging through pools of Malice with fragments of Magdalena's memories playing, sometimes looping, overhead as the Seeker pores through her mind and tries to restore it from Vergil's influence. Once it realizes Dante is literally tromping through its efforts, it becomes hostile and a fun boss fight begins, one that leans heavily into the "your environment Actively Hates You" angle from the first game. Lots of tricky platforming/maneuvering- the Seeker blames Dante for it and Magdalena's entire situation (I like to imagine it has some very Choice things to say to him during the fight lol!), and his presence is exacerbating things again. In trying to protect Magdalena from him, the Seeker defines its own purpose and finally breaks out from its programming! Dante concedes the fight when he understands what is happening, and decides to help the Seeker because hey, Magdalena was once his friend a long time ago. In a similar way to her obsession with finding him because she'd abandoned him long ago, Dante is dedicated to helping Magdalena because he and Kat didn't try to wrench her away from Vergil, despite all the red flags around her situation.

Strengthened by its newfound purpose, the Seeker is able to mend their body back into one functional piece. It and Dante are like 👁👁❗❗❗ because Magdalena should come to, now that her body's reassembled, right! Right?....... right? Wrong! 😭 Magdalena had already been greatly diminished by the memory wipes, but Vergil's final betrayal of her was the straw that broke the camel's back. It ran counter to the truths she'd understood, to the world he'd painted for her. The Seeker and Dante are stumped by this, so Dante takes them back to his and Kat's hideout.

I think Kat is. unnerved. lol. Here is the corpse of her good friend, and it talks in her friend's voice! but now it is explaining how she is functionally six feet under. and the corpse is afraid of living life without her. the corpse does not know how to coax magdalena back to the surface. and again, the corpse speaks in magdalena's voice. Also, the corpse is a demon that until three hours ago swore obsessive fealty to Vergil. hm. Kat and Dante have an aside about the situation and the viability of trying to save Magdalena from mental limbo, but Kat folds for similar reasons to Dante. She and Magdalena had been friends for....... a while? And Magdalena had been one of the first and friendliest faces she'd met after joining the Order.. so long ago. She didn't want to leave Magdalena on her own again- the first time she'd done that, Magdalena had disappeared for weeks on end and Kat hadn't even considered it because of Everything going on. The second time, she'd let Magdalena go back to Vergil, and then Magdalena didn't remember her when they met again afterwards. Kat wouldn't forego her a third time, lest Magdalena be lost to her completely. Plus... something was off. There was an itch in Kat's mind, one that she hoped retrieving Magdalena would scratch.

So begins Kat's adventures through Magdalena's psyche! I have no idea how this would fit in to the pacing of a game, because the narrative has been. a little too focused on Magdalena for my liking. But there's many starts and stops here, many attempts that the Seeker aborts because it feels like pouring salt on a wound. Eventually Kat is able to dive deep enough into the metaphysical space between Magdalena and the Seeker to find her, but Magdalena does not take well to Kat's intrusion. She doesn't remember Kat. This was unsettling enough when Kat first ran into it, but now that the interaction is drawn out, it's even worse. Kat tries to explain who she is, how she and Magdalena were friends, but Magdalena isn't having it. Magdalena simply doesn't remember Kat, and the way Kat explains their connections through Vergil doesn't align with what she knows to be true- after all, Vergil hadn't fiddled with her memories of their friendship. Magdalena ejects Kat, berating her for spouting lies to try and earn her trust.

When Kat comes to... girl she is CONFUSED LOL!!! There's still the issue of Nagdalena not remembering her, but now?? she's calling her a liar?? girl what.. girl how.. Kat consults with Dante about this, but Dante knows even less about the situation than her- he only knew Magdalena from before she met Vergil, and Kat after she met Vergil. Anything between these events are a mystery to him! 😭 Kat talks about it with the Seeker one singular time, when it informs her that it came into Magdalena's psyche after Kat was an established part of the Order... BUT... What it did know is that Magdalena felt threatened by Kat, that she was nervous Vergil was going to replace her with Kat so quickly. Kat goes wha huh??? at the "quickly" and stews over this. Quickly??? Maybe Magdalena and Vergil had created the Order years ago, but Kat had been around Vergil for some time, too! It wasn't a friendship that had happened overnight.

Kat is stumped by this, and the more she thinks about it, the less sense it makes unless Magdalena was just possessive of him, but that doesn't align with things either. SO, methinks in between missions or what have you (how does DmC2 play?.. your honor I have no fucking idea lol. Maybe like 5 but with an interact-able home base.. as if Nero had been able to walk through his van and do little things here and there between levels ykwim?), Kat dives back in and tries to make sense of it all with Magdalena.

This is a significant development between the two of them, even though I think it's happening in the background for Dante? Anyhow, the stars finally align for them to realize that Kat has rewritten memories TOO- there Is a spiderman pikachu meme moment here lol. So then I think Magdalena starts coming back into her own body again, because this revelation has re-dawned on her the fact that Vergil is. a bit of a cunt lol 😭, and now she's invested in figuring out the blanks in Kat's memory. The two and the Seeker go back and forth, helping each other parse out the things Vergil had erased... Dante is probably involved in this to some degree, because he is no stranger to this? But idk. Eventually, Kat remembers the vortex explosion, which.. keep a pin in this, it will come in handy later harharhar. With the full truth of their relationships with Vergil and each other out in the air, die girlies are like 😐😐 god damn we were played like fiddles huh!!

This next part is far less fleshed out than the previous stuff, which is obvi very loosely laid out as well. But! At some point, the girlies recreate the vortex moment but it's a lot more potent because reality and Limbo shift in and out of each other like fluids now. This throws Vergil off his villainous plans, and gives the group a leg up over him in ??? The Struggle??? . At a later point, Magdalena reaches full symbiosis with the Seeker and the two have a boss fight against Vergil where they take out all their grievances against him. This is ultimately a distraction so Dante and Kat can do ?? things ??, but I like to imagine there's a Sonic Adventure 2 kind of thing where you can play through the game as Vergil, and then the boss fight is against Maggie + the Seeker. In either case, it is a difficult and gritty vengeance battle.... It's kind of like the DM3 Vergil-Dante fight, their philosophies cannot coexist and so they MUST battle. Also it's a quasi-breakup fight lol.

No idea what happens in the end.. I've also skipped over Isaac's role in the story (he's supposed to be crucial to bringing Magdalena back into her own), as well as the Seeker's greater importance to Maggie. and THEIR relationship bc there's a Whole Thing going on there...... anyways I have a whole lot of reading and research to do before I'd ever be comfortable fully tackling this.. Characters like Magdalena, who deal with possession, require more care because I don't want them to come off as caricatures of DID. The setting also calls for more imaginative work than I am currently capable of putting in! So Magdalena and her universe are currently things for me to just gnaw on and continually return to as I learn and read more hehe. :] Hopefully one day I'll be able to give it and the reboot the treatment they deserve lol!

[burningcomputerpersona]

saw your description, I LOVEEE the ocean grew hands to hold me but don’t know any other songs by them, what else should i listen to?

OHOHOHOHOOH THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME THIS ASK YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THIS

the ocean grew hands to hold me is an INCREDIBLE song and you have immaculate taste my friend

now when it comes to the wonder years this is a band where i always recommend ppl listen to the entire albums bc the songs actually lean on each other and support each other to create a cohesive record. but also i understand that this is not always easy so here are some songs to get you started depending on different things you might have liked about this song

now i've heard ppl describe The Ocean Grew Hands To Hold Me as a worship song for the ocean which is a perfect descriptor imo and if you're looking for a song with a similar sound/ vibe the first song that comes to mind for me is Cigarettes & Saints (and if you really like this song i recommend giving the album No Closer To Heaven a listen bc it is a masterpiece)

another staple of the band that also starts off relatively quiet and builds up to an incredible climax and includes a reference that shows up all throughout their future songs that i really recommend is The Devil In My Bloodstream

but if you're looking for a song from the same record as The Ocean Grew Hands To Hold Me that also starts off relatively chill and builds up at the end and has similar themes & sounds, i recommend We Look Like Lightning

and if you really enjoyed the themes about death and grief and connecting with people then I recommend the entire Sister Cities album starting with Raining In Kyoto

alternatively if you're getting tired of all the death and grief and want something a bit more positive that also starts off relatively chill and builds up to a climax, then I really recommend the extended cut of Summer Clothes (not only because i found out about it only a few days but also bc it sounds great and the ending has been stuck in my head for days now)

and finally if you're looking for an actual introduction to the band then I have to recommend You're The Reason I Want The World To End. it's the last song on their latest record and also the perfect representation of who they are as a band (and also the song that Dan has said he's proudest to have written)

And if that song made you cry i recommend giving the whole album a listen starting from Doors I Painted Shut bc if you thought you were crying before you're gonna be sobbing through it after giving the entire record a listen (and also please feel free to ask me more abt this record bc it is my absolute favorite and i could never run out of things to say about it)

and this doesn't even include stuff from their earlier albums which i apologize for but we're at 7 songs already which i figured was enough for one post. anyway i hope this wasn't too overwhelming and i wish you the best on your music journey!!

[satoruhour]

Just thought of something FREAKY in class… Single father Satoru looking for a babysitter and you’re looking for a side income during semester break and the tension goes crazy!!!! “We should’t be doing this my son will wake up” I’M GONNA SCREAMMMM

BLISS, PURE BLISS

a/n: happy new year LMFAOOO. thank you for all the asks btw i promise ill answer them asap 🥹 / @shotorus @osaemu @shidouryusm @mysugu @hyomagiri ♱

wc: 6.4k

warnings: ‘onee-san’ used but more of just addressing reader as an older figure because saying babysitter is kinda weird lol (kind of like how chinese people use 姐姐 even if they are not related), fem!reader, dilf!gojo, age gap (gojo in his late 30s, reader in mid-20s), angst if u squint, bit of slow burn n tension, making out, use of ‘slut’ and ‘whore’, praise, oral (f! receiving) / cunnilingus, clit stimulation, unprotected sex, p -> v sex, multiple rounds, consensual filming, creampie / breeding kink, n*sfw under the cut

“no fucking way . .” you mumble mostly to yourself, standing in front of the largest house of the gated community in roppongi, and while you knew the people here were excessively and obnoxiously rich, you’re never quite prepared until you’re getting a key card specifically mailed to your name just so you could enter.

you’re not even shameful when you take a video to send to your best friends, locking your screen almost immediately because you knew you’d never get to the job on time if you replied to them. with calculated steps, you’re walking up the house that’s designed with a modern structure, yet still retaining characteristics of a traditional japanese home. it’s less prominent at the front of the house, though.

“(y/n)-san, was it?” a voice startles you out of your ogling sessions. if the garden was already this nice, what would be in store for you when you went in? you’ll be finding out soon when your employer himself opens the door to you, a man with striking white hair and equally striking blue eyes that seem to look right into you. he’s dressed in a suit, probably no doubt ready to get to work while you’re out here taking your time. you cringe, immediately walking up to the door.

“y-yes! yes, i’m sorry sir, i was just uhm—”

he holds that intimidating stare just for a moment but then he breaks into a smile that mirrors the bright sun that shines down on the porch.

“it’s alright . . it’s not everyday you’re working at some rich guy’s house, right?” he jokes but that strikes a little ick into you — he’s already ticking the boxes of obnoxious and excessively rich, but you hate the effect he’s having on you.

“yeah . . no, i guess,” he hums in reply before sticking a hand out.

“gojo satoru,” he introduces himself, “call me anything but that sir shit, alright, doll?”

you nod obediently, trying not to let the little pet name get to your head because he probably does this to any babysitter who comes through the house, but either way, he’s welcoming you in and it’s like you step into a world unreal. it’s spotless, the floors shining under the sunlight, a large television in the living room, a spacious open concept dining-kitchen area, and this is just the first floor.

gojo takes his time to show you the house — where his kid’s toys were, where the food was, where the bathrooms and bedrooms were, it was never-ending. every step you took made you feel like you were walking the length of the nile, each turn only revealing more rooms and corridors.

and then, finally, his baby boy.

“he’s a cheeky one, takes after his dad,” even with all the cockiness he’s shown to you, you can tell he has a soft spot for his kid. the boy stirs from his father’s voice, gleaming in happiness as he puts out his smaller hands to be picked up. as he settles into his arms, it’s just sinking in how tall your employer is. he makes a toddler look like a baby with how small his son looks wrapped snugly.

“satoshi, hi,” he whispers, bouncing the kid in his arms, “want to say hi to your onee-san?”

you manage a small wave but all he does is turn to hide in his father’s arms, definitely scared from a random stranger suddenly talking to him.

“she’s going to be taking care of you for the next month or so, you know?” he mumbles, brushing a hand through the matching white hair, “be nice to the babysitter, okay?”

all satoshi does is hum into his dad’s neck before he’s giving you a sheepish smile. “he’s like that, don’t worry about him.” and you return the smile, thinking that he wasn’t that obnoxious that you thought and that maybe he’s really a dad trying his hardest for his one kid. you realise he’s taking too much time, though, and so you sought out to remind him.

“oh, uh sir— gojo-san, don’t you have to go to work?”

although he’s mentioned satoshi to be taking after him, the boy goes right back to sleeping when he’s put back into his bed so you follow gojo as he adjusts his cuffs and smoothes out his collar just outside the room and you make the mistake of glancing upon the mirror on the far end of the corridor — it was undeniable that you looked like a high-end couple who’s newly married and raising a kid. you try to shake off the thoughts of adjusting his tie for him.

“it’s not being late if you’re on top.” he smirks and you resist the urge to roll your eyes; at least you weren’t alone in purging the delusional thoughts from your head, he was basically helping you at this point and you struggle between characterising him as conceited and admirable. “but, yeah, i should get going.”

but he stands at the door with backpack slung onto one shoulder while he continues to explain satoshi’s routines to you, his habits and also had to sneak in a few cute photos of the kid while squealing repeatedly and you’re left wondering how this guy could be the CEO of a company.

it’s been like that for as long as you can remember — bidding goodbye to your parents as you tell them that you’re off to your part-time job over the winter break. they’re happy you’re even leaving the house, shoving your lunch into your hands with big smiles that you’re at least doing anything other than sitting in your room. the train ride to the gated residential was nice, too, apart from the very crowded subways for people going to work in roppongi.

gojo greets you every morning when you arrive, reminding you of satoshi’s feeding times and his favourite shows and everything a father should know but don’t have the luxury to experience with aforementioned kid. it’s a little bittersweet, every time you see him kiss satoshi goodbye that turns into remaining in his room, to holding your hand and saying goodbye to daddy from the second floor, to getting carried by you at the front door.

it’s slow but sure progress day after day, from watching his cartoons, feeding him at the kitchen island, playing with his toys, that satoshi feels more and more comfortable with you, learning that while he was a well-behaved boy, he definitely had hints of your employer in him. mannerisms, words, voice, you wonder whether he even got any part of his mother in his genes.

you’d never ask, though, but it was told. unexpectedly.

“i’m home—” the last parts of his word die down into a whisper when he opens the door to see satoshi cuddled up to you, the last bits of home alone playing softly. by now you already know what happens in the movie so you’re texting your friends and laughing softly to yourself, jumping when your boss steps past the doorway. gojo winces when he checks his watch (“fuck. it’s already ten.”), toeing his shoes off and apologising simultaneously.

“oh— man, i’m so sorry, i had a late meeting with the CEO of our neighbouring franchise, i totally forgot about the time—” gojo’s quick to make his way down to the small pit of the house (he likes to call it the conversation pit), settling down on the side where satoshi had his head in your lap as his eyes linger on the movie. instinctively, his hands reach to pat his leg.

“oh, it’s okay, gojo-san, it’s the holidays anyway.”

“yeah?” he turns to you, one arm propped on the back of the sofa, “and why don’t a pretty girl like you have any plans?”

that catches you off-guard, among the many other times he’s called you pretty or sweets like no care in the world. you’re never quite used to it, too, seeking to fluster you. “you shouldn’t say stuff like that to me, gojo-san . .”

“why not?” he’s turned back to the television, now, and you take his place, staring at his side profile as the scenes of the movie move along his face. “i’m a single dad, aren’t i?”

“yeah but . . you could have anyone.”

“what if,” he turns and you chicken out, head snapping back to the front while he watches you and the both of you cannot deny the tiring dance you perform around each other all the time. the clench in his heart when he sees you carry his baby boy at the porch and the small smile he gives you every morning before he leaves for his job. he doesn’t want to go through with it and sighs.

it’s become hard to breathe around you. it’s become hard to hold himself back around you.

“i worked too much.” he suddenly says, facing the TV again. “i was too engrossed and . .”

confusion seeps in at first. yeah, it was no secret he worked his ass off despite being at the very top. your gaze falls to satoshi, curling more into your side like he’s cold and you adjust the blanket. you nod in recognition.

“we fought a lot. i tried— i tried to alter my schedule as much as i could, driving to and fro whenever she needed me, bringing satoshi to work as a baby when we couldn’t come to a compromise, but it was a lot. for her, for satoshi. he could sense whenever we were about to fight, on edge voices, items clattering to the floor . .”

by now, he’s leaned back, back of his hand resting on his forehead, “and he’d cry like he was interrupting us. cheeky, i told you,” and his eyes close, “we hardly reached middle ground. it was either this or that, hire a nanny or we take care of him, my endless job or the joy of life. i’m ashamed that i’ve prioritised my job more, and still do it now.”

“if you didn’t, i wouldn’t be here, would i?”

that draws a chuckle out of him, “correct.”

“she couldn’t take it, not when she was a businesswoman on top of that. she was out doing herself at every aspect in her job, going to greater heights, and while she accused me of putting work first, she isn’t entirely innocent, either. but that’s . .”

“you don’t have to say anything, gojo-san,” you mumble as you watch the reunion of the characters in the movie before the screen cuts the black, no doubt affecting him in some way at the warmth displayed by the movie that contrasts heavily with his situation, “the fact that you even told me is . .”

the heavy atmosphere is disrupted by satoshi gasping, “papa! you’re home.”

you exchange awkward smiles as you watch the boy fight his way out of the blanket to hug gojo, the latter huffing when the boy drops his body weight on him and you take it as a sign to give them a bit of privacy, standing up to clean up the popcorn and cups. laughter and your employer’s voice resonate throughout the place even as they go up the stairs, a rare occasion where gojo is able to get his son ready for bed.

it’s only maybe an hour later when the house falls into silence. mouth burning from the mouthwash, the heater in satoshi’s room turned to a high setting, one bedtime story was read (which, he fell asleep halfway), the boy was out like a light. you felt it inappropriate to leave without at least saying goodbye, but you also didn’t want to cut into their time together; at least, that’s what you told yourself.

so you waited with your things on the kitchen island, getting a risky text just as gojo comes down, still in his suit from work.

[11:02pm, nobara -> you] BITCH GET THAT DICKKKKK!!!!!!! 

and you yelp softly, slamming your phone down onto his marble counter. thankfully, he doesn’t notice, eyes close to shutting from fatigue. 

“oh, shit, you’re still here?”

“i thought it would be, weird, if i didn’t say goodbye,” you get ready to leave, slinging your tote bag on, “but i also didn’t want to intrude on your time with satoshi, limited as it is.” well, you did also wish something would happen, but you had too much pride to admit it to yourself.

“you got a ride home?” he yawns and you feel guilty for extending your stay already. you didn’t even need to worry about the front door, he lived in a gated community for christ’s sake!

“um, not really, but i can always book an uber home.”

“i’ll drive you home, it’s unsafe,” is all he says like he’s trying to convince himself, “let me just get changed and we can go.”

gojo doesn’t leave you any room to protest before he’s up the stairs again and you’re left with a pounding heart and dizzy head, not sure what might ensue. you know him to be honourable; you’ve seen him with his child, you’ve seen him interact with his neighbours, but a late ride with your boss sounds sketchy as it is.

but it doesn’t feel like it when you feel the tokyo wind blowing through your hair, a slight gap in the window bringing you the chills of the night as he silently drives you back home. sitting in your employer’s car most of all felt weird, but even more so when he’s reaching your home faster than the gps system had predicted. his knuckles are white.

“you—”

your head snaps to him, “yes?”

his car headlights are the brightest in the parking lot where every car is silent, quiet, much like his clammy hands and red cheeks. gojo satoru turns to you, feeling that familiar tug in his heart and lump in his throat for the first time in a while, and he can’t speak.

but you lean forward like your life depends on it and you leap inwardly when you see that he does the same. eyes trained forward, your stares boring into the other, waiting to see who’d close their eyes first. you just stop short of an inch, met with the hypnotising swirls of raging oceans in gojo’s eyes and you swallow when his eyes flit down to your lips and back up like he wouldn’t get caught.

with shaking hands, your fingers trace over his lips and you sigh when you feel just how soft they are, just like his skin, just like his eyes when they look at satoshi. your heart skips a beat when he just lightly kisses the pads of your fingers, and that encourages you to cradle his cheek, up his jaw, up his undercut.

“let’s just kiss, yeah?” he was afraid that if he spoke too loud, he’d shatter the glass, snap the string of tension, voice cracking until you swallow it, you stomach his nervousness with a lively, strong kiss from your lips to his, and he just melts.

gojo hums into the kiss, leaning forward over the stick shift and into the passenger seat before you counter it with your own movements: hand on his shoulders and pushing until you’re on his space of the driver’s seat and playing the game of tug that’s been going on for the past few weeks. you win.

“god, you’re so . .” gojo whines out when you climb onto him, whispering into your mouth while you get comfortable in your straddling position, cutting him off with a second, rougher kiss and you both moan softly, passion taking over in the evident way your arms scramble to wrap around him while he pulls you flush against his front.

the car is filled with sounds of your kissing, something that definitely shouldn’t be done in his home and yet you risk it all in your home’s parking lot. you break the kiss and hide in his neck, already starting the makings of a hickey there while your pelvis selfishly grinds into his front and he kneads your ass. in the mingling of breaths and moans, he’s left to stop the two of you when there’s a muffled ringtone coming from your bag and you swallow at the insanity of the situation.

“i’ll see you, monday, right?” gojo breathlessly says later, bulge still showing through his sweats while you hang outside the driver’s side, not wanting to leave. he takes your hand, planting a peck on it and then brings you in for another harmless kiss.

“yeah, gojo-san . . monday.”

you lose count of how many times you’ve swallowed throughout the night, but he says something to lift the mood just a bit.

“we just made out and you’re still calling me by my last name?”

you laugh lightly, “monday, satoru. i’ll be there, same time, on monday.”

gojo leaves a farewell kiss to the inside of your wrist, “attagirl.”

 but if you’re not careful, it might just happen in satoru’s house.

the remainder of your employment at his house is tiring. it’s so hard not to kiss him before he leaves for work, so difficult not to long for him while you take care of satoshi, so entirely harrowing not to claim him as yours as you watch him play after his work. at this point, you’re hoping school will just start soon and the rush of assignments and readings will take your mind off of it, but you cannot deny the excitement every time you leave your house.

“you’ll bring food and cook every monday, wednesday, friday, and i’ll order food for the both of you every tuesday and thursday, how’s that?” gojo thinks it’s time to introduce him to larger pieces of food, but it’s gone past that by now and to your meal arrangements.

“i’m okay with cooking, though!” you assure him, and plus, you loved your parents’ home cooked bentos that they give you everyday, “do we gotta?”

“sorting out meals is tiring, (y/n),” gojo takes the place beside you, leaning against the counter just like you before drinking out of his cup, “i want to at least help at little.”

“you already are.” you smile, “i can see you making the effort.”

“it’s not enough, though, i could be doing better.”

gojo hates how this scene sets up — like two parents just figuring out the best for their kid — it’s a callback to the memory in the same exact kitchen. at least all you do is kiss and make out, because he wouldn’t know what to do if you moan out his name in that same intimate way that threatens his walls to come down again. he loved sex, he loved the bedroom, but he’s riding a thin line the way he’s doing with you.

“you are,” is everything that you say, and you leap forward to kiss him. you do it so hard that he has to put down the glass to fully embrace you, walking you backwards to the conversation pit and he carries you so effortlessly because he doesn’t want you walking backwards down some stairs.

he hates how you bring him into your lips, he hates how gently he lays you down, and he hates how you accept the kisses down your neck and body. you, on the other hand, aren’t doing so well, either — it’s either a hit or miss with a broken man like gojo satoru, and you’re stepping on glass shards hoping you don’t say anything wrong with him because he’s trying his best but he just can’t see it.

“are you okay with this?” he asks halfway down your torso and he gets lightheaded from how well his hands cover your waist. “tell me to stop, and i’ll stop.”

“n-no . . keep going, satoru.”

he exhales shakily at that, fingers tugging your top up and his hands are so cold you resist shivering, but you do anyway from the sheer fucking craziness that gojo drives you into. one pop of your button, and you’re already lifting your hips off the couch for him to remove your pants but movement on the stairs make you halt.

“papa?” satoshi calls out sleepily, rubbing his eyes and pouting. you can see it, almost, with how much time you’ve spent with the kid, and you hope he can’t see you. “i . . i had a nightmare and i just— i wanna sleep with you.”

he’s started sniffling and you feel your heart break that he knows his papa well enough to know he would never sleep in his room. his job always has him sleeping out in the living room.

go. you mouth, kissing your fingers and pressing it to his lips before he puts on a show — yawning, stretching his arms, already making satoshi feel at ease with his theatrics before he’s stopping at the foot of the stairs to look back at you. you already know gojo satoru has redeemed himself a hundred times over. i’ll see you tomorrow. 

funnily, satoshi somehow does have some intervention powers, because each time the both of you attempt to go down on each other, he’s either saying he threw up, or he needs to use the toilet, or that he’s hungry. while you both love him to death, it’s also becoming difficult to hold back each time you see each other. his car in your parking lot is all he has and you dare not to go to his workplace where rumours would spark.

so after a tiring night of getting a hyper satoshi to sleep, you’d at least try. at this point, you know not to expect too much out of it, starting always with some talking. it was easy to talk to your boss, and when you phrase it like that, it did come off a little strange, but it was far from that when your boss in his late 30s looked just like he did ten years ago and that he had crazy blue eyes and insane white hair and was hot.

“thank you for taking care of him for the past month and a half,” gojo thanked you, leaning over to give you a peck to the temple, “it means a lot.”

“he’s a sweet boy, plus, i do need the money,” you giggle, nudging him, “and it did let me get to know you . .”

“certainly,” he mumbles. drunk off your scent, he leans in again, kissing you fully on the lips now. you hum softly, going on your tippy toes and wrapping your arms around his shoulder. swiftly, he props you on the kitchen counter and you yelp in surprise, unable to help the throb of your pussy when he slots himself in between your legs.

jokingly, he puts his hand to his ear. “no satoshi interruption tonight?”

you smack his shoulder, “don’t jinx it.”

he laughs, a proper laugh before he sighs shakily, fingers thumbing your sides gently. “you know . . we shouldn’t be doing this,” you feel your heart sink a little, but he quells it with hovering lips over yours, “he could hear and wake up.”

“then why have you been accepting all my kisses, gojo satoru?” your eyes challenge him, but you know one touch from him would have you submitting to him. his breath fans over your lips, and you can feel his pulse speed up when your fingers go over his neck, to his nape, to his undercut. you run your fingertips through it.

“you have too much power over me, simple.” that sentence has your eyes fluttering close. it’s too much for you and yet you welcome it with open arms, “it’s become so bad that you’re all i think about.”

“is that so?” you pull lightly on his hair.

he nods, foreheads touching now and he’s trying to hold himself back, but, “i’ve been holding back, entirely too much, baby, and i don’t think i can, anymore.”

“yeah?” you whisper, bringing him in with your legs, “show me, then.”

gojo satoru decides that maybe taking the leap isn’t so bad, so he fully gives himself to you, tugging your lips to his in a clashing kiss that has you groaning in pain just a bit. he giggles and apologises and tries again, and this time, it’s got your hips moving against him, whimpering into his mouth. gojo’s hard just from kissing, something that he’s desperate to relieve himself off so — he’s whispering for you to hang on while he slots his hands under your ass and lifts you.

satoru knows his house well, walking up with you in tow and lips still on yours, right into his room. you giggle when he plops you down and he’s already looking forward to ravishing you, but —

“let me check on satoshi for a sec.”

you laugh silently, “of course, satoru, go.”

and once your boss’ made sure his son is out cold in slumber, he’s all over you again and definitely showing you how much he’s been holding himself back. you’re the pure focus of the night, making you chase for more when he pulls away and kissing down your body. he worships it, tongue circling a nipple while his hand plays with the other, eyes staring holes into yours from how intense the blue was.

“s-satoru . .”

“yes, sweets, what is it?”

“feels good—” you whine, back arching into his hold once he leaves your tits and continues down your body. each kiss is like hellfire against your cold skin, and he pops a button and listens out again, both of you sighing in relief and giggling to each other when you don’t hear a knock on the door.

“does it? good.” it’s tantalisingly slow, the pace at which gojo peels your clothes off, but when your pants are finally off, he marvels at your beauty as he brings your legs apart. you’re shy, hiding yourself behind your arms and resisting his hands.

“aht, no, c’mon, show yourself, baby.” he only moans when he sees the dark patch at the centre of your underwear, pressing a finger into your clit and you’re ashamed at how intensely you react to it. gojo continues his torture, thumbing your bud just to watch your face contort into pleasure, “so, so pretty.”

you preen at the praise, even more so when he pulls your panties to the side and sucks slowly on your clit. it’s slow, again, and you’re clutching the sheets so tight when he lays his tongue flat against your pussy. satoru takes his time, savouring each bit of your cunt to make up for lost time, filling the room with the lewdest noises of your sopping cunt on his tongue.

“taste so fuckin’ sweet, pussy’s s’good,” he practically moans into your core, arms wrapping around your thighs to bring you closer while you try to keep your noises down to a minimum. little pants and mewls leave your lips, eyes never leaving the head of hair.

but he’s unpredictable, as gojo always is, so when he’s hovering over you just to give you a little innocent kiss, you think nothing of it, until he’s back in front of your pussy and starts eating you out like a starved man. you let out a loud moan, dragging it out until you’re gulping down your next sounds. it doesn’t help much, though, cause gojo’s slurping at your pussy like it’s the end of the world.

“s-satoru—! too much—” you moan but your hips grind into his mouth, your hands now finding purchase in his hair, “t-too loud.”

“mmf— don’t care,” he mumbles into your cunt, making sure he gets every drop of your arousal on his tongue while he abuses your clit, alternating between flicking his tongue and sucking hard and you think it’s the best head you’ve ever gotten.

“not when your cunt’s so perfect,” you only press his head deeper into you like it would stop his muffled sentences, but that only spurs him to suck harder before he just shifts down a little to plunge his tongue into your hole. you choke out a moan as his nose nudges your clit, clenching around his muscle.

“relax— mmhh, you gotta relax, baby,” he’s massaging your thighs but if anything it does the exact opposite, closing your thighs around his head in sensitivity.

“it’s— h-hard to,” you moan out, already feeling the coil in your tummy that’s approaching oh, so quickly when gojo eats you out like this. he shifts his attention back to your puffy clit, eyes flicking up to make contact with yours and you shrivel under his intense stare, “w-when you’re making me feel s’good—!”

you feel him smile into your cunt but he says nothing, taking note of the drop of your jaw, the scrunch of your eyes, the contractions of your stomach. your legs like to straighten out and shake when you’re close, he memorises. when you start to tighten your grip on his hair, he ingrains it in his mind.

“cumming— i’m c-close,” but it’s like satoru doesn’t even need it when his eyes digest the way he sends you over the edge with just his tongue.

“g— god! satoru!” your mouth falls into a silent scream after, head dipping so much into the pillow while you grind your cunt into his face, gushing all over his face with a renewed spirit and regret for all those times that men have rubbed your left lip thinking it was your clit.

“let it go, yeess . . that’s it,” satoru doesn’t hesitate to get sloppy, sucking up all your cum, gasping for air once he’s done with his meal, “pretty girl just came all over my face.”

you struggle to your elbows despite the words he utters, propped up just to catch a glimpse of him and the soaked bottom of his face that stretches into a smile.

“was that better than all the uni boys who’ve never felt the touch of a woman?” you laugh at that, making quick work of grabbing his chin and bringing him back to your lips.

“much, much better.” and you take the opportunity to flip the tables, trembling, shaking legs trying their best to wrap around his torso to straddle him —  but once you’re over, you’re not quite sure what to do apart from letting your hands roam all over the expanse of his shoulders and chest.

“and can she do it again all over my cock?” the obscene words sound almost taboo falling from his mouth that your mouth drops open in initial shock, but it subsides into anticipation soon enough.

wordlessly, you take matters into your own hands, fingers making quick work of his trousers while he removes his top impatiently. the scowl on your face is prominent when you struggle to work his belt out and he chuckles with helping hands, the burn on your face deepening.

“there,” gojo giggles and he pulls you in with a peck-filled apology, “don’t worry, we have all the time in the world.”

you hum, “not when your son could knock any time soon.”

that prompts a giggle that fades off into a loud moan once your warm hand wraps around him, something that he’d never tell you how many times he’s fantasised about. slowly, you stroke his cock, excruciatingly slow just like how he’s done to your cunt earlier.

you’re hovering over him, now, dragging his tip along your pussy and whining softly at the pre-cum that mixes together with your juices. you need him into you as soon as possible, and apart from your soon burning thighs, you’ve been wanting this for as long as you’ve stepped foot into his house from the very first day.

inch by inch, you sink down onto gojo’s weeping cock, getting the luxury of feeling his sensitive twitches with the plunge into your cunt. you’re glad at least he had offered to stretch you out just a tad bit earlier, the intrusion of his fingers already having you panting for his dick; and now, when you have the real thing, it drives your mind insane.

“’t-toru— haah . .” your body curls up from the painful stretch, lips muttering the nickname unknowingly as you grasp onto his shoulders for support, and while he helps you on, he never stops saying the most filthy things, grinning each time you clench around him.

“never thought i’d be here, fuckin’ the babysitter, but here we are,” your oh my god is whispered only for the other to hear, body burning up from the words before he grinds his pelvis into yours and you slump forward in pleasure. your words are a bunch of nothingness, a string of incoherence, “and her pussy’s just so fucking— tight!”

giving you one or two breaths of rest, satoru coos in your face, cradling it and littering kisses all over it before he’s moving his hips and you’re breaking the kiss to whine out, moving your hips to meet his as well. you move sooner or later, bouncing on his cock once you’re more used to him in you and the position only hits all your spots just right.

“f-fuck— you’re so big—!” you roll your hips into him, eyes stuck on how there’s just a small bump in your tummy each time you bottom out. your boss from across you is equally ruined, eyes struggling to keep open with wet hair stuck to his forehead. “feel so so g-good . .”

“yeah?” he breathlessly mumbles, hand squeezing and kneading your ass and trying to help you, but the warmth of your cunt around his length just feels too good. “bounce on that dick, baby.”

and you do, planting your feet into the bed and fingers creating bruises along his shoulders as you impale yourself on his fat cock, switching to relaxing in his embrace and letting your hips do the work when your legs start hurting. there, you indulge in gojo’s lips as you hump him, the delicious friction of your clit against his pubes sending you reeling.

“you’re going to be soaking my sheets from how much you’re leaking,” gojo jests, letting your moans take over his mind while his lips trace down your neck, eyes just peeking over to see your ass ripple from the force. “not that i mind. how’s she doin’?”

“she’s getting,” a choked whine interrupts you, “a little tired.”

and that draws a laugh out of gojo who does nothing but tease you, something he likes to do even in makeout sessions, and he doesn’t hesitate to reach over to his bedsie table to grab his phone, leaning back to bask in your glory. here, your body just looks heavenly as you try your best to move on his lap.

“hang on a little more for me, princess,” with one hand, his larger hand leave chills all over your body and the other points his phone at you, not before making sure you were okay with it, “and smile for the camera.”

you try your best even when his hand make his way to your mouth, pulling it open with his fingers to slot it in. you’re sure you look like a whore right now, but the camera pointed your way only turn you on more, like it’s beckoning you to put on a show. and you loved the attention, so you close your lips around his fingers and start sucking, grinding even harsher on his cock that has gojo stuttering.

“y—yeah, attagirl . .” he grins at the video he takes, “show the camera how much of a cockslut you are.”

you whine, bringing the hand to your clit while you shove two hands onto his torso to really work your thighs out, feeling that familiar curl in your stomach once he starts rubbing his saliva-filed fingers along you bundle of nerves. 

“r-right there, satoru—!” you swear under your breath, giving hooded eyes to the camera while you chase your high drunkenly, all sort of coherent thought banished from your head. “love your cock, love it, love it—!”

satoru swears he wants to cum from just watching you use him, and even holding himself back is proving difficult when you clamp and tighten around him until his fingers press particularly deep into your clit and you’re cumming with a loud cry of his name, body convulsing all over the video.

“tha’s a good girl . . cream my cock, yeeaaahh . .” gojo watches, hypnotised, as you lose control over your body, but the pleasure-filled whimper that you merge his name with is just too good, that he spills unexpectedly in you. the video is far from stable, so he only slaps the phone down to relish in his orgasm. gojo pushes his hips up and you gasp at the feeling, back arching when you feel his cum seep into you.

you’ve never even given much thought to pregnancy, but the feeling of his cum dribbling into you fogs your mind that you only want more after a mental note to buy the morning after pill tomorrow.

“n-need more,” you beg, fondling at his cheeks and undercut, “w-want more cum in me, satoru . .”

and it’s like a flip switches in him, because he’s flipping you over right after — he has to see his cum leave your pussy first though, taking the still ongoing video and putting it right up to your pussy, using his tip to smear your mixed juices all around.

“who knew i’d hired such a dirty girl?” he addresses the camera more than you, but he catches your flustered glance with a wink and after poorly setting up the camera on his bedside table (he just was too intoxicated on your cunt), he’s pushing back into you with a loud groan, not even caring for the consequences any more. his cum is just so much, too, spilling out the sides.

“only f’r you,” you mumble, grabbing at his forearms needily. your eyes flutter close as he bottoms out, your legs pushed right up to your chest as he folds you whichever way he wants to. at this point, if he wanted to own you, you wouldn’t object one bit, not when gojo satoru’s cock stretches your pretty pussy so nicely. “a cumslut only for you.”

“yeah?” he starts moving his hips and your arch into his hold, “i wonder how i got so — fuck — lucky.” everything is sloppy and wet and disgusting and you love every moment of it, even after he’s cummed in you the second, third, fourth time, you’re happy to be pumped full of his cum, giving him a tired, glistening grin that he returns.

“think i should be transferring over my life savings for a cunt this sweet,” you giggle at the compliment, but don’t protest when he’s pulling up the app to gift you with a hefty amount; both your salary and bonus, all from making gojo satoru fall helplessly just from your touch — something to brag about indeed.

[daemour]

I Can See You

Pairing: single dad! Seonghwa x babysitter! f! yn

Word Count: 10,137

Warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption, a creepy old man in one scene, age gap (10 years but both are adults (and not just barely)), smut warnings under cut

Genre: Angst, fluff, smut, single parent au, M for mature audiences

Summary: When you took a job babysitting a young toddler, you didn't expect to be so drawn to the family. And more specifically, her frustratingly hot and single dad.

Smut Warnings: masturbation, sexual fantasies, riding, slight (if you squint) corruption kink, sliGHT breeding kink, unprotected sex (DONT DO THIS unless you discuss safely outside of sex!), breast play, overstimulation, undiscussed kinks (yn is fine with it. but discuss your fucking kinks guys *gun emoji*), slight cumplay

thank u to @pyeonghongrie and @mingsolo for beta'ing and for the title hehe <3 this is also a collab with @potatomountain who is also writing a dilf hwa (Bittersweet Neighbours), we're just on two sides of the spectrum lol...and this is so damn long

-

“Hello, I’m here for a babysitter interview with a Mr Park?”

“That would be me. Miss (Y/N)?”

When you answered the ad in the newspaper about babysitting, you were so ready to see an older man, around his fifties. But this man looked so young, around his late twenties although you’re sure he’s probably forty. And you’re not one to judge—nearing your mid-twenties one wouldn’t be expecting you to still babysit as a full-time job. But it pays the bills and helps you get some hands-on experience in your degree, child development.

“Ah, yes. That’s me,” your words spill out as you realise he is awaiting an answer. Mentally, you berate yourself for the immediate blunder while Mr Park’s eyes crinkle with amusement.

“Come on in and make yourself comfy on the couch. I’ll be right there. Would you like anything to drink?” Mr Park’s voice is smooth like butter and you have a hard time making sure you don’t get lost in it.

Again, you nod, actual wordy responses jumbled in your brain, walking to the couch and sitting down almost mechanically. If you were mentally present, you would have noticed the smile the older man sends your way.

He doesn’t take too long, returning with two glasses of water. “You didn’t say what you wanted to drink so I just got you water. Is that okay?”

Thankfully, you finally can respond coherently and smile, albeit a little shakily. “Yes, thank you so much.”

You take the glass with both hands, thanking him again quietly and taking a small sip before just holding it as you wait for him to be seated. You’ve felt awkward before, but this is a new extreme. Normally you pride yourself on keeping your cool in front of someone you think is hot, but Mr Park…he’s something else. You try your best to keep your eyes trained on the coffee table, only letting yourself glance at him occasionally so he doesn’t realise just how in awe you are.

“Jihee will be home from school soon, so you’ll see her soon. For now it’ll just be old me and my questions,” Mr Park starts his interview as soon as he sits on the couch across from you. “Now, I saw in your application that your major was in child development? Can I ask why that interested you?”

You blink at him for a moment, not expecting that question. Sure, bringing it up was expected, but the way he sounds like he’s interviewing you for a position in a company amuses you. “Uh…I just grew up with a lot of siblings and their kids. I’m the youngest of six, and the oldest is sixteen years older than me so I have a lot of nieces and nephews as well. Children have always been a part of my life, and my first job was babysitting so it’s something I’m very used to. Child development was just a way for me to learn even more and in a less… hands-on way. Poopy diapers are not my favourite.” You pause. “Not that I can’t change them! Or that Jihee uses them. Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

You’re so sure your face is bright red right now as you stumble over your words, and you’re ready to be kicked out, but all Mr Park does instead is laugh at your embarrassment. It’s a little mean but it’s better than your worst conclusion so you’ll take it. “It’s okay,” Mr Park smiles at you. “It’s okay to ramble, it was actually quite amusing. Now, I’d just like to warn you, Jihee has trouble with working on schoolwork. While that usually isn’t an issue, she may be asking you to help her with her homework and reading and I just thought I’d give you a heads up. Would that cause any trouble?”

“It wouldn’t bother me, and I’ll try my best. I took children’s education in college as well so it’d be a good time for me to exercise that,” you laugh quietly. Your first dream was to be a governess, no matter how few jobs there are for that type of work.

Mr Park nods thoughtfully. “Glad to give you some experience in that,” he hums after careful consideration, a smile on his face. “Her struggles lie in understanding the problems and in English. If she faces any difficulty then I can always help out.”

Before either of you continues speaking, his watch beeps and he glances down. Without another word, he stands and goes to open the front door. “Uh–” Your confusion escapes you before you can stop it.

“Oh, Jihee’s almost home and I always leave the door open for her,” he explains, eyes still trained on his watch. “You’ll get to meet her, and then we can discuss more details. And just to reiterate the ad, this is going to be a job that requires a lot of hours. I, of course, will be paying you for any sort of overtime if I need to stay at the office later. Does your schedule still allow for that?”

You hold back your smile. Your schedule mostly consists of scrolling the internet for job opportunities and eating lunch with your friends. “Yes, I can do that,” you affirm. “I’ll need holidays off, but I assume that’s a given as you’ll also be with Jihee?”

A smile pulls at the corner of Mr Park’s mouth. “Very astute,” he chuckles. “Now, here she comes.”

The door swings open without another word from either of you and a little girl dressed in pink and ribbons barrels into Mr Park’s knees. He lets out a quiet grunt, stabilising himself against the door as his hand strokes at her hair. “Hello, Jihee,” he hums fondly. "How was school today?"

The young girl beams up at her father. "So fun!" she grins, her words slightly slurred in her excitement. "Today, Mrs Lee had us do shapes and my favourite colour is blue now! I have so many blue crayons."

Mr Park's eyebrow raises at the mention of crayons. "Do you have them with you?" he asks, and Jihee nods vigorously. "Can I see them?"

Another nod comes from the child and she immediately plops on the floor, pulling out her pencil case and opening it to reveal at least ten crayons, all of varying sizes. What stands out to you the most is that half of them are green. "See! All blue. But this one's my favourite." She grabs at a particularly long and skinny one, a shade of emerald green.

"Ah. Lovey, remember, your colours are a little different, right?" Mr Park talks in a gentle voice, very different from the very adult voice he used with you. "That's a green crayon."

Jihee's face drops. "Oh." Her bottom lip juts out in a pout.

Mr Park holds out his hand and Jihee drops the crayon into his palm. "You can't take the crayons from school anyway, dear. Why don't we leave these in your bag and you can give them back and apologise to Mrs Lee tomorrow?"

Jihee's pout grows bigger but she nods. "Okay, daddy," she agrees and Mr Park nods proudly.

"Now, do you want to meet your new friend?" You flinch as Mr Park mentions you, sitting up straighter in your chair before ultimately deciding to stand instead.

"Hi, Jihee," you do your best to speak with the same quiet tone Mr Park used. "I'm (Y/N)! It's nice to meet you."

You offer your hand for her to shake and Jihee looks at you, her thinking face almost a spitting image of her father's before she walks over and takes your hand with gusto. "Hi, Mrs (Y/N).”

"Ah, I'm not a Mrs," you correct her. "You can call me (Y/N)."

"Miss (Y/N)," Mr Park quietly interrupts and you nod, not wanting to override his parenting although being called 'miss' will catch you off-guard for the time being. "Why don't you tell her one thing about yourself and then Miss (Y/N) has to go, okay?"

Jihee's mouth twists in sadness, her hand still gripping yours. "Okay," she sighs again. "I get to talk to her more later though, right?"

Mr Park nods. "Of course. Miss (Y/N) will be spending a lot of time with you, so I'm glad you like her."

Jihee nods solemnly. "I like pretty people and you're super pretty," she tells you earnestly and your heart swells at the compliment.

“Thank you, Jihee,” you thank her genuinely, although you’re amused at the fact that she considers her appreciation for physical looks a good introduction to herself. “It was nice to meet you.”

With another decisive nod, Jihee turns and marches right off down the hall, presumably to her room. Mr Park turns to you, finally shutting his front door with a sigh. “That was Jihee. Ball of energy extraordinaire. She comes home from school at one-thirty, and will put her own things away before coming to eat a snack. She has one worksheet to do a day but with your help she’ll get it fairy quickly. I’ll email you a list of house rules.”

You nod. “That sounds perfect. What would the schedule look like? What time would I be here, and when would I expect you to come home?”

Mr Park hums, running a hand through his perfect hair. “For her school days, I’d like to have you in here maybe ten minutes before she comes. I’ll always leave her snack in the fridge and you can just pop it in the microwave and make yourself comfortable before she comes barrelling in. Then I’ll be home at five-thirty sharp whenever possible. Every other Saturday I’m in the office for eight hours and you’ll be watching Jihee for those days. If you can’t do a Saturday, just let me know so I can get someone to watch her, but generally I’d like you here from eight to five.”

You nod. All your friends have atypical work schedules so your Saturdays are empty in general, and since the weekdays are shorter hours you don’t mind. “When it comes to after-school playdates, should I expect you to be home or would you like me to take care of them?”

Mr Park’s lips tighten almost imperceptibly. “That won’t be an issue. Jihee doesn’t do playdates.” Your curiosity spikes at his short answer but his tone leaves no room for discussion so you don’t press it. “I’ll give you a key now. Tomorrow is my off-Saturday but if you can come in just to adjust yourself that would be great. I have some work to get done anyway so I’ll be mostly out of your hair although you can still ask me questions.”

You nod again. “Yeah, that works,” you confirm after a quick check to your phone calendar. When you look up, Mr Park is already holding out a key and you take it after a moment’s hesitation. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Mr Park nods, moving to open the door when Jihee calls out with a whining tone to her voice. “Daddy, I need help!”

Mr Park sighs but it’s full of affection for his daughter. “I would walk you to your car but she calls for me,” his head dips into an apologetic bow but you shake your head.

“Don’t worry about it,” you smile at him. “There’s no need for that at all.” That is one of the main reasons, but another part of you doesn’t want him to know you have no car and you take the bus to his neighbourhood and then walk the rest of the way.

A twenty-four-year-old with no car? It’s a little embarrassing, especially in the area you both live in where it’s almost required to have a car to do anything. Generally, your babysitting jobs were close enough to your home, but the salary of this job enticed you to give up walking.

As you exit, you can hear Jihee starting off her complaints about her jacket and you smile to yourself subconsciously.

-

You’ve been working with the Parks for almost a month now and generally, it’s a good time. You only really see Mr Park when he comes home, but by then you have one foot out the door. There are days when he looks so beaten down that you want to offer him some encouragement, but you don’t want to step out of your boundaries. So, you just keep your head down and leave.

Jihee is sweet and easy-going, not hard for you to get along with. She always has some sort of fun idea for you to play along with and her schoolwork hasn’t been too terrible although you dread when she starts getting into more difficult maths.

But today, as soon as Jihee walks into the door, you suspect something is wrong. She doesn’t greet you as excitedly as she used to, just stalking straight into her bedroom and coming right now, settling herself down on the couch with a pout on her face.

“Jihee, don’t you want to eat?” you try to coax her to the dinner table, but she just shakes her head, immobile. You frown. It’s strange for the usually talkative child to be this closed off. “Did something happen at school?”

Jihee glares at the coffee table, shaking her head. “No,” she mutters but her cold-stone facade drops immediately as she suddenly bursts into tears. Your heart drops for the child crying on your couch and you immediately run to her and pull her into your arms. “Why don’t they like me?” she wails into your shirt and your heart drops.

You had suspected it when Mr Park shut down the playdate idea very quickly, but this just solidifies your thoughts. How could the kids at school not like such a sweet kid? As you’ve been working for the Parks for quite a bit now, you’ve grown to adore the young girl like she was one of your own nieces.

You don’t say anything just yet, just patting her hair and doing your best to calm her down. It takes almost an hour but now she just curls up in your arms, her hands gripping your shirt as she’s so close to falling asleep. You don’t have the heart to wake up so you resign yourself to letting her sleep on you for now.

Within ten minutes, you fall asleep as well. It’s not what you meant to do, but you couldn’t have stopped yourself. When your eyes open again, Jihee is no longer in your arms and there’s a large fluffy blanket laid on top of you. You blink yourself awake before panic sets in and you shoot up, looking around. “Jihee?” you call out and hear deep laughter behind you. When your head snaps back you see Mr Park chuckling at your face.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Miss (Y/N).”

It takes a minute for your words to register, blinking stupidly at your employer for a few moments before your face drops and you practically leap off the couch. “I’m so sorry!” you cry, bowing rapidly at a low angle. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep and it won’t happen again.”

You keep your eyes lowered and you look up at him through your lashes, scared of how he’ll react but to your surprise, Mr Park’s smile grows and he shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, you looked comfortable and the doors were locked. Jihee didn’t get into any trouble, just was a little bored since you were asleep.”

You shake your head. “Regardless, I shouldn’t sleep on the job but thank you for the kindness. Jihee is very responsible for her age and it certainly reflects on your parenting.” You smile back at him.

“Well, thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me as well,” Mr Park hums. “Would you like to join us for dinner? I know you usually leave around the time I get back but let me at least feed you before you go.”

You frown. “I’d like to, but I should get going,” you say absentmindedly. “I have to make it in time to catch the bus.”

You’re looking around, trying to gather your belongings, when you realise how silent Mr Park is. And in turn, you realise what you just said. “You take the bus?” His voice lowers and you stare at the look of concern he has on his face. “It’s practically dark by the time you leave and you’re walking to the bus stop by yourself?”

“Ah– it’s okay! It’s not a far walk, just up the street.” You hurry to defend your choices, waving your hands. “I’ve gotten home safe so far, no?”

Mr Park shakes his head. “No, you can’t take chances. I’ll drive you home tonight after dinner. You must stay.”

You stare up at him with wide eyes, but his stance is unwavering. And as much as you would usually protest—being taken home by a much older man would usually ring alarms in your head—the idea of not having to wait in the cold and the dark by yourself is very appealing. And from how you’ve interacted with him before, Mr Park seems very sweet, and you trust him just a little more than you probably should.

“Well, I do thank you for your kindness,” you sigh, nodding your head in concession. “But this will be the only time.”

Mr Park chuckles, not taking you seriously. “We’ll see. Now come on. Tonight is beef stew and my younger brother will come for dinner as well.”

“Uncle Uyu is coming?” You can hear Jihee’s excited voice coming from the kitchen as well as her feet pittering on the floor as she launches herself into your lap. “Hi again, Miss (Y/N).”

“Hello again, Miss Jihee,” you tease, pressing the tip of your finger to her forehead and Jihee giggles.

“Are you staying for dinner?” You nod again and she screeches in happiness, not giving a second glance at how you wince at the sound. “I can’t wait! I have to make you pretty! Come with me.”

With as much seriousness as she can muster in her body, she pulls you by the hand into her room as Mr Park watches the two of you with a soft smile and follows the two of you into Jihee’s room. He takes a seat on the bed as Jihee fusses over your hair, styling it with her toddler's hands and putting an obscene amount of hair clips into it. But you’re whipped for the little girl and you let her do whatever she wants, ending up in two uneven pigtails and a plethora of Hello Kitty clips.

“Daddy, isn’t it pretty?” Jihee giggles, moving your head to tilt so her father can take a look at her work. “It’s better than your hair to practice!”

Mr Park, mock-affronted, holds his hand to his chest. “Betrayed by my own daughter? Alas, but I can let it slide as this may very well be your best work.”

Jihee giggles, pressing her face against your cheek when the doorbell rings. “Uncle Uyu!” As always, her focus is diverted by any new thing and she runs for the door, both you and Mr Park following shortly after. As she yanks the door open, a man around Seonghwa’s age greets her just as excitedly, bending down to pick her up and spin her around.

“Jiji,” he cheers, “Already so big?” His eyes find you and you offer a small wave. “And who’s this? Seonghwa, you found a girl?”

Mr Park’s jaw drops and your eyes widen as you rush to contradict. “Oh, no, no, I’m just the babysitter. Mr Park has kindly invited me for dinner.”

Wooyoung chuckles at the look on both your faces. “Don’t worry, I just like to pull on Seonghwa’s leg. You’re a little young for him too.”

You offer a smile. “Yeah, and the forties are a little out of my age range as well,” you try to joke, but to your surprise, Wooyoung breaks out cackling, startling Jihee who starts laughing with him confusedly. Mr Park’s shocked face has somehow become even more intense.

“You think I’m how old?” Wooyoung has reigned in his laughter although a smile still pulls at his lips. “I’m only thirty-four!”

A gasp made its way out of your mouth as you start bowing rapidly again in apology. “I’m so sorry! You look your age, I just assumed you had to be older.”

Mr Park sighs, although an amused smile now graces his face. “It’s okay, I can understand it. I’ll just be giving you a hard time from now on.” He punctuates with a wink and your eyes snap down to Jihee in embarrassment.

“Let’s get on with dinner so I can go home and just melt in embarrassment, okay?” you groan and the two older men laugh. Jihee seems to agree with your sentiment, declaring her hunger grumpily and you laugh and pick her up. “See, even Jihee’s on my side. Let’s eat now.”

Mr Park hums, stepping aside. “All right, I see I’m outnumbered now. I hope you don’t mind how casual this dinner is, but I promise the food is worth it. Wooyoung’s the better cook, but he’s taught me a few tricks.”

You shrug. “Any food is good food to me. At home, I have instant ramen and fried rice so it’s a nice change.”

Out of disapproval, Mr Park shakes his head although the smile does not leave his face. “I do not miss my college diet. Please, take a seat.” He motions to the dinner table, pulling out a chair for you to seat yourself, sitting beside you as Wooyoung and Jihee join the other side of the table.

“So, tell me about yourself (Y/N),” Wooyoung hums, leaning on the table by his elbows. “You’re in college?”

You shake your head. “I graduated a year and a half ago, I’m twenty-four now, but it feels like just yesterday I was taking my finals,” you chuckle. “What was your major, Mr Wooyoung?”

Wooyoung smiled, “Please, call me Wooyoung. Mr Wooyoung just sounds weird. But to answer your question, my major was culinary, of course. Before I taught Hwa how to cook, he was hopeless. I think I was feeding him and Jihee primarily other than his sandwiches and canned soup.” He sighs, leaning back and smirking at Mr Park whose ears are red.

“Hey, Youngah, I paid you for your work. Don’t make me seem incompetent,” Mr Park snorts, leaning over to smack the back of his neck. “Wooyoung may be eight years younger than me but he certainly acts like he’s five.”

You laugh at the banter. “Me and my siblings were the same way. We’d always fight but in the end, we care for each other. It’s sweet to see you guys act the same.” You smile, taking a bite of your stew. “Thank you for letting me sit in on your family dinner.”

Mr Park shakes his head. “Of course. Can’t let you walk on your own at night, you know. I’d be happy to give you a ride home from now on.”

“Ah, no, I can’t make you do that,” you try and decline again but Seonghwa is having none of that.

“It’s not a matter of making me, I offered. I can’t let my babysitter just stand around in the dark. Let me do this for you. Jihee cares for you, she wouldn’t want to make you get hurt.”

You frown, pursing your lips. “I suppose I can’t argue with that,” you concede. “Thank you once again.”

Mr Park shakes his head, his hand moving up to ruffle your hair. “Don’t worry about it.” His hand rests atop your head a moment longer before he remembers who he is in relation to you. “Ah, sorry. Habit from Jihee.”

The heartfelt moment is cut loose by everyone amused at Mr Park’s habit. Jihee immediately takes the initiative to start rambling about stickers, engrossing everyone in the conversation, Wooyoung being particularly vocal. The dinner is finished with no other events, and you offer to help clean up, ignoring Mr Park when he tries to protest.

“Thank you for helping out,” he tries to thank you but you wave your hand dismissively.

“You fed me and are driving me home. It’s the least I could do. Shall we head out though? I don’t want you to have to leave Jihee for too long.”

Mr Park nods, grabbing his keys and jangling them as he opens the door to the garage. You do your best to not show your surprise at the sight of his fancy car. Of course, you knew he was well off, but you never imagined you’d actually be sitting in his car. He even opens the door for you, letting you slide into the passenger seat.

You hold yourself stiffly, but Mr Park looks over and just laughs at you. “Relax, I’m not going to bite you. Just let me know where to go and we’ll be set. Want a piece of gum?”

He holds out a pack of gum and you gladly take the piece, happy for the distraction. Most of the car ride is silent, except for you telling him occasionally where to go. But as he pulls up to your street, he slows to a crawl.

“You know, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around.me. Sure, I’m your employer, but I’m also a dad. I got the dad instinct, you know?” Your lips twitch at his attempt to be comforting. “Really, though. Don’t hold yourself so tight around me. I don’t mind doing this for you.”

You turn your eyes down. “Thank you. I’ll try, it’s just a little weird for me if you understand. But I do appreciate everything you’re doing for me.” As you unbuckle your seatbelt, you smile at Mr Park. “I hope you have a good night.”

As you go to your apartment building, Mr Park leans out of his car and calls after you. “You can call me Seonghwa, (Y/N). Mr Park makes me feel old.”

You laugh at his admission. “We’ll see, grandpa!” You can’t help but tease him before running into your home, leaving an amused Seonghwa outside.

-

These days you and Seonghwa have become a lot more friendly. He’s taken to driving you home despite your protests and during the car rides, some interesting conversations have happened. For example, you learnt that he built his company from the ground and yet is respected in many old money circles.

Okay, maybe you didn’t learn that from a conversation, and instead just searched on the internet. But what can you say? You’re curious about the man who happens to be your charge’s father and the man who happens to be very very handsome.

Maybe you have a bit of a crush on Seonghwa, but you couldn’t blame yourself. There was something about him. It is the aura he holds himself with, the kindness in his smile when he arrives home, and it helps that he is hot. Every so often, you can’t help but find yourself glancing at his pretty hands, or his well-toned arms, and you have to look away before heat spreads up to your ears.

You’re down bad, and it’s not getting any better. Every time you see Seonghwa, you want to jump him but it would be inappropriate. Not only is he your employer, but he’s also a decade older than you. There’s no way he would be interested in you, he probably sees you just as some kid.

With a sigh, you look down at your sketchbook. Today was supposed to be a fun day. Both Jihee and Seonghwa were off today, so you were spending the day with her as Seonghwa was still called into the office to put in some extra hours. But then the toddler fell sick and you were tasked with taking care of her.

At least it was a fairly easy job—Jihee slept most of the day and you were free to work on some of your more personal projects. Although your passion lies in children, you do enjoy drawing and even took a couple of classes in college. As you lay on the couch sketching, you get so lost in your mind you don’t even register the door opening and the footsteps coming towards you.

“Is that me?”

A shriek rips its way out of your throat as you do your best to whirl around and hold your drawings to your chest, but your legs get caught in the blanket and you instead fall half off the couch to the ground. Your chin props your head up on the ground but your legs are still tangled on the couch, your arms twisted into the blanket, the sketchbook an arm’s reach away.

“Hi, Mr– Seonghwa. How was work today?” you mumble half into the carpet, too embarrassed to look up. “Jihee’s taking a nap in her room.”

After a moment of silence, Seonghwa laughs, although it’s a little pained. “Uh. Do you need help up?”

You groan, pulling one of your arms out from your cocoon prison. “That would be great, thanks. Sorry.”

One of his cool hands gently takes your elbow as another comes to rest on your back. It’s at the moment you realise your shirt has ridden up. You can’t help but tense at the touch, hoping the embarrassment doesn’t show on your face. “Jihee’s taking a nap?”

You’re grateful he chose to brush over the incident. “Yeah– yeah. She’s not much better, but she’s not much worse. It’s just a simple cold, so she needs to sleep it off.” You chose to ignore the hand lingering on the small of your back, instead scooching back on your butt to distance yourself just a little bit. He’s your employer, there’s no way you can give in to your feelings.

But the couch seems to be against your plans, as when you try to pull the blankets off your feet you tumble into Seonghwa’s legs, knocking him down as you land on his firm chest. Your face is mere centimetres away from his and you freeze. “I–” you stammer out, Seonghwa equally as awkward.

“Sorry–” He tries to sit up, but it just results in the blankets twisting tighter and pulling you two even closer together. You swear if you could hold your breath, you could feel and hear his heart beating. “Ah, shit.”

You can’t help but laugh a little at his profanity, not something you’ve ever expected to hear from him. “Welcome back, Seonghwa.”

Seognhwa’s eyes widen, his blush deepens, and his head snaps away from you. Your brows furrow at the change in his features and you can’t help but wonder if it’s from the proximity, or if it’s the proximity to you specifically. “Ah. Let’s get out of this, shall we?” he coughs. He carefully detangles himself from the pile and holds out a hand to you.

You grasp it, noting his firm grip and letting him pull you up. “Thanks.”

“I’ll drive you back to your apartment first since Jihee’s asleep right now. It won’t take long.” While Seonghwa’s voice remains warm, his eyes move away from you.

Suddenly a guilty feeling pools in your stomach and you turn away as well, bending to pick up your sketchbook silently. “Of course.” The disappointment fills your head as you internally admonish yourself for even trying to entertain your fantasies of the older man.

But, to your surprise, a warm hand pats you on your shoulder. “You are good at art, (Y/N). You should continue to pursue and practice it, even as just a hobby.” His words make you look up into his eyes and you see a sparkle behind them. “You’re a talented person, and you should take advantage of it.”

“Thank you, Seonghwa,” you smile at him again. “Once again, I appreciate the kindness you offer me.”

Seonghwa chuckles, spinning the car keys as you’ve quickly found out is his habit. “(Y/N), thank you for putting up with such an old man who can offer you nothing but kindness.”

You snort. “You’re not even that old, you geezer.” In retaliation, Seonghwa leans over and pokes you in the forehead.

“Oh, hush and let me take you home.”

-

It’s been almost six months since that day and your feelings have only intensified. But this time, you swear perhaps he may be returning your feelings too. Sometimes you catch him looking at you with a gentle smile, and his hand on your shoulder lingers a little longer than you think. But then he talks to an employee on the phone and you remember how accomplished he is. Even if he wasn’t much older than you, there’s no way you would fit into his lifestyle.

And, like any self-respecting person would do, you start to avoid him. What else are you going to do? Tell him? You’d be crazy to even entertain the thought. There’s no way he would even take you seriously.

These days you’ve just been going to work, and heading straight home. Seonghwa barely has time to catch you, and you’ve been plotting with Jihee to keep him away. She doesn’t quite understand why, but it’s fun to her so she’s happy to. You’re pretty sure half your wallet has gone to sticker sheets. But no matter how many stickers you’ve bought, it doesn’t help Seonghwa from figuring out something is amiss.

It’s your one day off and you’re spending it at home, lounging around and just watching movies while you sulk about your tangled feelings. Watching all these romantic movies doesn’t help at all and you groan. There’s no way you’re going to act like a lonely teenager, you declare to yourself. You’ll go to a club! Maybe meet someone closer to your age and you won’t feel like a wet sock anymore.

That’s it, you’ve convinced yourself. You’ll give yourself a night out. Suddenly inspired, you throw off the blankets covering you and start donning your nicest clothes. There’s a club you used to frequent in your college days, and you haven’t been back since you got the new job. It’d be nice to let loose again.

As the nighttime approaches, you’re almost all ready to go. You have your outfit and your makeup, and all you need is your shoes. Once you pick out your favourite pair of heels (comfy and not too high), you make your way down. You can feel the excitement pounding out of your chest and you can’t wait to get the night started.

As you enter the club, your body immediately relaxes as you take in the atmosphere. It’s been so long, you’re just excited to have fun. Get drunk, find a nice guy, and forget your problems. You down drink after drink, hyping yourself up, but as late night comes, nothing happens. With a sigh, you plunk down your last drink, feeling the buzz of the alcohol burn in your veins.

Nothing will happen tonight, and you just have to come to terms with it. You place down a couple of bills to pay off your tab, tip, and stumble out of the bar. You’re plastered. You can hardly walk in a straight line and you lean against the cool brick for a minute, letting the sensation sober you up a bit as you do your best to call up a taxi.

But before you can do so, a hand creeps onto your bare waist and your head snaps up to see a man, no younger than fifty, leering at you. “Uh, hi?” you slur out, your hands fiddling with your phone as you try and discreetly move to the phone app. You may be plastered, but you’re not a fool and you know what could happen in this situation.

Unfortunately, the old man seems to know what you’re trying and he grabs one of your wrists. “Now, pretty lady, take a break there. Why don’t you come hang out with me for a bit?” His words are greasy and slimy, and you almost gag at the idea of what he’s insinuating. At least Seonghwa isn’t triple your age…and he’s hot.

“Ah, no thanks,” you manage to push past him, pressing your most recent contact and holding the phone to your ear. “I’m a little uh…” You’re cut off when whoever you call starts speaking.

“(Y/N)? Why are you calling me? It’s nine.” Seonghwa’s voice crackles through the receiver. “Are you okay?”

“Ah, shit,” you groan, stumbling to your side and colliding with the wall. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you. I’m just out and–”

Once again, the old man approaches you and pulls you back by the waist. “Come on, pretty. Get off the phone and pay attention to me.”

You shake your head and pull away again, moving even more down the street. “No, no, I’m not– just leave me alone. I want to go home,” you say, shaking your head, still holding the phone to your face. “Just…I wanna go home.”

“(Y/N), are you okay? Where are you?” You can hear the worry in Seonghwa’s voice rise and a faint jingling of keys. “I’m going to get you. Wooyoung’s here so he can watch Jihee. Talk to me, (Y/N).”

“I’m at the club Desire. Or near it. I don’t know.” Your head is muddled and no matter where you look, the street signs are blurring and the old man is still trying to get your attention. “I just want to go home,” you repeat, tears springing to your eyes. “I thought I told you to leave me alone!”

The old man growls at your tone, grabbing at you again. “Don’t be stupid, child. You can come home with me and I’ll teach you how to be proper for a man like you.” His breath reeks of alcohol and bad breath and you instinctively slap him across the face. Surprised, he jerks back, and you take a couple of shaky steps back again.

“Leave me be! I don’t want you near me.”

The old man’s eyes narrow at you and he takes one menacing step forward, his hand raising to strike you but you bring up your arms to block the slap, whimpering in pain when the hit lands and your phone clatters out of your hand. “You insolent child!” Your eyes squeeze shut and you hope Seonghwa gets there soon.

-

Seonghwa has never driven so fast in his life. He’s racing through the lights and he counts his lucky stars that they’re all green and that the police aren’t around right now. He can hear arguing coming from his phone and he’s calm enough knowing you’re at least still on the phone. But then he hears a noise and what he assumes to be your phone falling on the ground. “Fuck,” he mutters to himself. “Please, please be okay, (Y/N).”

Stepping on the gas, he roars around the corner to the club you mentioned, praying you’re still there. As he gets out, he’s looking around but can’t seem to find you. “(Y/N)?” he calls out. “Where are you?”

He races down the street to find you pinned against the wall, your hands attempting to push an old geezer away and he sees red. He marches right up, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from your shaking figure. “Fuck off,” he growls in his face, delighting in the fear that moves across his face. “Don’t let me catch you near this place again. Now fuck off!”

He practically throws the old man to his knees before turning and cupping your face. “Seonghwa,” you practically sob. He can still see the drunken haze in your eyes but it’s almost completely cleared up now and his brow furrows even more.

“Come on, I’m taking you home.” He pulls you along and you do your best to keep up with him in your inebriated state. “I can’t believe you would do this! Have you no sense of security? Why didn’t you get anyone to come with you? Why would you call a taxi outside of the establishment?”

He still opens the car door for you and you slide immediately in, eyes staring wide at the pristine dashboard. He slides in and puts the car in the ignition before sitting back and groaning in frustration. “I hope you’re ready to talk as soon as we get inside,” he gripes. “I still am so shocked, (Y/N). You act so mature about Jihee, but what happened then? You could’ve been hurt…no, you were hurt!”

He continues his rant driving up to your street, ushering you into the elevator and into your place. “Do you know how my heart dropped when I saw you struggling? I don’t want to see you hurt. You need to take care of yourself.”

As he yells at you, his eyes rake over you to see if you’re injured any further, but something else stops him and the words die in his throat. You’re wearing a sheer shirt, your lacy bra underneath just showing off your chest. Your leather skirt has ridden up your thighs and your eyes fill with unshed tears. And something burns in his brain.

It’s been months since he hired you, and with each passing day, he finds himself more and more attracted to you. He berated himself every time these unwanted thoughts popped into his head. Sure, you’re sweet, good with kids, and are passionate about what you care about. But you’re also so young. You can do so much better than him, a single father with no prospects.

But seeing you like this, heat sparks in his gut and he leans in, his face mere inches away from yours. “When you wear things like that, it makes me want to rip them off you and do things even that creep couldn’t even imagine,” his low voice pierces through your thoughts and your mouth gapes open.

“I’m okay with that,” you whisper, hand reaching out to brush against his chest, but Seonghwa blinks as he realises what he just tried to do, and he jerks back. Your eyes flash with hurt and Seonghwa would like to hit himself for doing that to you but he can’t let you come onto him when you’re still drunk.

“I– I’m sorry,” you whisper, your hands reaching behind you to steady yourself on the wall. “I just felt so lonely. I wanted to be wanted.” 

Seonghwa’s breath stutters as he stares down into your wavering eyes. “I–” He wants you so bad. But he can’t bring himself to say it. Not when you’re drunk. “Go to bed. We’ll talk in the morning.”

He turns away and hears your disappointed sigh alongside your footsteps trudging to your bedroom. With a groan, he sits on the couch with his head in his hands. He wants to reassure you, but he can’t help but feel guilty about it. But he’s still straining in his pants and after locating your bathroom, he sits on the shower bench, leaning against the cool tile and breathing in and out. With a groan, he unzips his pants and pulls out his half-hard cock. The feeling of regret rises but he pushes it down to his gut as he spits in his hand and presses his thumb against the head of his dick.

As he wraps his hand around his cock and pumps it, he can’t help but close his eyes and imagine you. You with your mouth wrapped around his cock, with your hands gripping his thighs. You seated on his throbbing member, grinding your hips against him as you lean down to kiss him. He can feel his dick jump and he wonders what it’ll feel like to fill you with his cum.

He lets out a broken moan as his grip turns tighter. His image of you would scratch your nails down his back. He can almost hear your little whines and breathy moans as your hips work over him. You’d lean in and whisper into his mouth, “Seonghwa, fuck me hard,” and—

Seonghwa sighs as he looks down at his cum-coated hand and the mix of shame and relief swirling around his brain. Maybe he should just go to sleep on the couch and hope he doesn’t dream of you. As he washes his hand and goes to lie down, he can already feel a stress headache coming on. He hopes you’ll at least fare better in the morning.

-

When you awaken, you have a throbbing pain in your head and you groan and roll out of bed. You’ve taken your club shirt off as well as your skirt, but your bra and underpants are still on. You’re sure your makeup is smudged too and you have no clue how you got home but all you want is some coffee and oatmeal.

You trudge to the kitchen, rubbing your eyes from sleep. There’s a blanket fallen on the floor so you toss it onto the couch and head straight into the kitchen to start your coffee maker. As you lean against the counter and yawn.

“(Y/N), are you feeling better?”

A voice calls out from behind you and you shriek, whirling around to see a sleepy Seonghwa, blanket wrapped around him and his hair a mess. You shriek again, realising how little you’re clothed and duck behind the counter, your cheeks flaming and your heart beating faster than you ever thought it could.

“What are you doing here?” you force out, your voice tight.

“Do…do you not remember last night at all?” You do remember most of what happened. He took you home, but that’s about as far as you remember. And you’re not sure you want to know the rest of it. But you’re far too embarrassed to admit, so you put your acting skills to use. You’re not sure you can handle the shame of a real conversation.

“What?” you ask, forcing your voice to pitch higher as you slowly stand back up, hands covering your chest. “I didn’t– Oh my God, I’m so sorry if I came onto you. I was drunk, I must’ve been out of my mind. Please accept my deepest apologies.”

You notice Seonghwa’s eyes trail down to your chest and then snap back up to your face as if he’s forcing himself to and he chokes out a breath. Despite the headache, your mouth twitches. Maybe you’re still a little out of it. “No, nothing like that. I fetched you from the club because you called me to save you from a creep. Then I took you home and we slept.”

You sigh. “I’m glad. I do apologise for whatever my behaviour was. It was out of line and it won’t happen again. I understand if you want to let me go–”

“No!” Seonghwa’s outburst surprises you and your eyes widen. The lack of clothes you’re wearing has been long forgotten and you move around the counter to stand in front of him. Seonghwa has the decency to look a little embarrassed at the volume of his voice. “Sorry. I just…it’s like you’re a part of our family already. I care for you just as much as I care for Jihee.”

Ah. He thinks of you like a child. Your suspicions were right. You turn slightly to face away from him, trying to keep the disappointment out of your voice. “I see. Well, I appreciate that. It’s nice to have a second family,” you chuckle, internally beating yourself up. How could you even entertain the thought of the two of you being together? “Let me change, and I’ll walk you out.”

As you return to your room, you finally let your heart sink as tears brim in your eyes. You hastily wipe them away as you rummage in the pile of clothes on your bed for something fairly appropriate to wear. First, you make a fool of yourself in front of Seonghwa, and then your crush is unfounded. You can’t seem to catch a break.

With a sigh, you pull on some shorts and a large shirt before heading back out. “Hey, (Y/N), could we talk first?” Seonghwa asks, still standing in between the kitchen and the living room as his eyes flit around nervously.

After some hesitation, you finally find your voice. “Sure? What’s up? You can sit on the couch if you want.”

Seonghwa takes a seat, hiking up his sweatpants and you move to the floor across the little coffee table. “Last night…you told me something.” Oh no. This is it. You bite your lower lip and look down, awaiting his next words. “Uh. So. You think you came onto me, right? Well. It was. Uh. It may have been me.”

You blink at him foolishly as your brain tries to wrap itself around your head. “You what?”

Seonghwa raises his hands and lowers his head ashamedly. “Let me explain, please. I saw you outside with that horrid excuse of a human and something in me snapped. I just wanted to protect you and I brought you home. But seeing you in that outfit? It just made me want you. And I told you. And you reciprocated. At least, you tried to.” He chuckles a little to himself, bringing up his hand to grip at his hair. “I told you we would talk in the morning. But one thing you said stuck with me. You wanted to be wanted. And all night I’ve been thinking about it. (Y/N), you were drunk. But you weren’t that drunk. Something you said had truth to it. Please. For my own sanity, tell me how you feel about me. Please.”

His voice cracks at the last syllable and something in your heart hurts at the sound. “Seonghwa I…I do care for you. More than I should. You’ve shown me unbendable compassion and you’ve never taken my words or myself for granted…or treated me like a child. Against my better judgment, I’ve fallen for you.” You sigh, tightening your fists. “I’ve been hating myself for the better part of six months because of it. You were so much better than me. In job, in maturity. What was I supposed to do? I went to the club to forget you, but it appears that didn’t work.”

Seonghwa stands quickly, shuffling over to kneel in front of you. “How could you think such a thing? Me better than you? Don’t make me laugh. I may be older than you, and yes, I have a better-paying job. But in the end, how could you compare? You’re amazing with Jihee. You’ve managed to teach her in ways I could hardly hope to imagine. And just because I have a higher wage doesn’t mean your job is less important. I wasn’t lying when I said it felt like you were already part of the family.”

“You told me you thought of me like Jihee,” you argue, and Seonghwa laughs, leaning forward to take your hands.

“I said I care for you as much as I care for Jihee. Not in the same way, (Y/N).” Seonghwa smiles kindly. “I know if this does happen we’ll need to put a lot of care into this, but if you’ll have me, I’d like to be with you.”

You’re not sure whether this is a dream or not, staring up at Seonghwa with wide eyes. You’d be a fool if you said no, but the worries in your head won’t seem to cease. Taking a deep breath, you push them aside and smile up at him. “I’ll have you, Seonghwa.”

As soon as the words fall out of your mouth you can see Seonghwa’s eyes crinkle as he smiles and leans in, his nose almost touching yours. “May I kiss you?” he murmurs in his deep voice, and instead of gracing him with a reply, you meet him in a soft kiss.

His large hands cup your face as he deepens the kiss, and his thumbs brush against your cheekbones. “You’re so pretty,” he hums, pressing a multitude of pecks to your lips. “Last night I was so conflicted. Seeing you like that made me almost go insane.”

An idea sparks in your brain, and a smile widens on your face. Your fingers crawl up his shoulders to rest your arms on them. “How insane?” you ask, and Seonghwa’s eyes darken.

“I’ll show you,” he grows before capturing your lips with his once again. This time his arms shift to wrap around your waist and he pulls you closer until you’re practically pressed against his body. You squeak at the sudden movement but it’s swallowed by the kiss.

He pulls you onto his lap and you can feel the growing hardness in his slacks. You wriggle your hips a little, grinding down, and the moan that Seonghwa lets out is heaven to your ears. “Fuck, (Y/N). You’re so pretty,” he repeats, burying his face in your neck and nipping at the sensitive skin.

You whine at the pain blooming into pleasure and your hands fist into his hair. Your precious sounds get to Seonghwa and he groans, moving your legs to wrap around his waist and he hoists you up and brings you over to the couch. “Your noises are so pretty, baby,” Seonghwa groans into your mouth. “Can’t wait to hear them when you’re wrapped around my cock.”

“Please–” is all you can muster out and your whines only serve to make Seonghwa’s cock harder in his pants.

With a groan, he pats your ass, motioning for you to move up. As soon as your hips lift, he grabs the waistband of your shorts and pulls them down to your knees, leaving your underwear and shirt on. In the same motion, he shoves his slacks and boxers down just far enough to let his cock spring free.

“Seonghwa–”  you whine and something in Seonghwa’s stomach burns at the idea of you crying on his throbbing dick. He sits back, guiding you to sit right above his cock as he moves it to rub against your soaked underwear. Every time the angry-red tip of it brushes against your clit you let out breathy moans and it only serves to make Seonghwa impossibly harder.

“Fuck, I can’t wait any longer,” Seonghwa breathes, his free hand coming up to brush against your face. A smile blooms on your face as you bend to kiss him again.

“Then don’t.”

Something flips in Seonghwa’s brain and he lifts you, pushes your underwear to the side, and lets his cock press into you slowly. The both of you throw your head back and groan loudly at the feeling of him slowly filling you up. He’s not the biggest you’ve had but that doesn’t matter as the sting of the stretch is enough to make you drool. You can hardly speak as you whine nonsense into his ear and let your head drop to the crook of his neck.

“You fit around me so well,” Seonghwa praises, his head spinning at the feeling of finally fucking you the way he dreamed of. It was only yesterday he was fucking into his hand at the thought of you and here he is, only a few hours later, his painfully hard member inside of you. “Look at you, a mess for me. Bet you’ve never been with an older man before. Do I make you feel good, baby?”

You clench at his words. “Fuck, yes, the best I’ve had,” you babble, squirming at the already overwhelming feeling. “You’re so good to me.”

Seonghwa laughs delightedly at how gone you seem to be not five minutes in. “So precious, especially for me, (Y/N). Sitting on my dick so prettily.” He gives a little experimental thrust upwards and you gasp. The noises you make are so addictive, he can’t help but do it again. And again.

You’re panting, moaning as he fills you up so deliciously and your hands grip at his now-wrinkled dress shirt. His cool hands slide up your baggy shirt to shove up your bra and cup your boobs. The weight of them sitting in his hands makes him groan as he leans in to mouth at them through your shirt.

“Been dreaming about these tits since last night. Jerked off in the bathroom after seeing you, you know?” Your eyes widen at the admission and Seonghwa smirks at how embarrassed you look. “Wanted you so bad and you thought I wouldn’t like you in that way? You’re so cute, (Y/N).” He punctuates each word with one thrust after another.

The feeling of his dick pumping into you as well as Seonghwa’s teeth scraping against the soft flesh of your tits makes you so overwhelmed. It’s almost embarrassing how close you are already, and Seonghwa knows it, chucking up at you from between your chest. “Aw, baby, you’re so far gone. Am I that good?”

You cry out and sink your teeth into the junction of his shoulder and neck. You’re trying so hard to keep your noises down but Seonghwa isn’t having any of that. His hand finds its way to your hair, gently tugging on it until your head falls back, exposing the column of your neck.

As his warm breath ghosts over it, you stiffen, and when he moves up from your chest to lick a stripe up it and nip at your earlobe, you come with a groan. Your hips are shaking from the intensity of it but his thrusts don’t stop and soon you’re whining from the overstimulation.

And he still hasn’t come.

“Fuck, Seonghwa, it’s so much,” you groan, mouth hanging open. Seonghwa greedily swoops in to capture your lips once more, licking into your mouth as his thrusts become more and more erratic.

His dick twitches and he groans. “Where do you want me? I’m clean,” Seonghwa mumbles into your mouth.

You shift your hips a little. “I’m clean too and on the pill, so it’s on you. I don’t care, I just want you, Hwa.”

Your words spark something in Seonghwa and he thrusts upwards, once, and his cum starts filling you. It’s searingly hot, settling deep in your gut and you throw your head back and moan so goddamn loud. His throbbing cock is twitching like crazy and it’s still pumping cum into you. Seonghwa’s hand slides down your body to tweak at your nipples, thumb over your flesh, and finally come to rub little circles into your clit.

You gasp and it feels like you’re touching heaven from the extra stimulation. “Gonna fill you up so well,” Seonghwa groans. “Do you think Jihee would like a sibling?” 

Your thoughts all blur together at his sentence and you come again with a groan. Your cunt squeezes around him so deliciously and a sob breaks its way out of your throat, one that Seonghwa eagerly swallows as he kisses you again.

His thrusts start to slow down and you slowly pull off his now-softening dick and settle back down on his lap. His hands push his leaking cum back into your pulsating pussy and you sigh at the feeling.

“Well, that was quite the escalation,” Seonghwa laughs quietly as he pulls both your and his pants back up and wraps his arms around you in a tight embrace. His hand pats your butt and you squirm and slap his chest softly.

“You’re lucky I’m on the pill.” You roll your eyes good-naturedly and Seonghwa hums, capturing your lips in his yet again. He can’t get enough of your plush lips and you’re not complaining at all.

“I’m lucky to have you, period,” he sighs happily. “Thank you for giving me a chance.”

You smile and sit up, ignoring the whines that come out of Seonghwa’s mouth at the lack of contact. “Well, I couldn’t let you be a lonely old man,” you tease and Seonghwa smacks your ass again.

“Can old man do what I just did?” You’re suddenly lying on your back with Seonghwa hovering over you, a crooked smile growing on his face. “Or do you need another demonstration?”

You smile and throw your arms around his shoulders and pull him closer. “I don’t know, sir, maybe you should show me once more.”

With a nip to your lips, Seonghwa leans in and your eyes crinkle at the promise of what’s to come.

[midnightsnyx]

girl at home | mat barzal | part 5

pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader summary: you’re eighteen when you find yourself pregnant after Mat leaves for hockey. nearly eight years later, Mat finds out about your daughter and you have to deal with the consequences of not telling him about her.

warnings: swearing, angst, food, fluff, not edited word count: 2.3k authors note: it's my bday tmw and i am going out of town for the weekend so i wanted to get this posted!! also, i have no idea how pr management works so i def got everything wrong so pls don't yell at me lol i feel like this chapter is just like a roller-coaster that went off the tracks and blew up and someones trying to put it back together with tape from the dollar store so im sorry but i hope yall like it anyway and don't hate me pls <3 send your thoughts or come yell at me about this story bc I LOVE hearing from you guys!! It feeds my writing soul. thank u all for the love on this story so far and lmk if you wanna be added to my taglist. also thinking about doing some smau for this fic and wondering if you guys have any ideas or suggestions?

if you asked to be added to the taglist and didn't get tagged it's cause you didn't show up when i searched for you! so shoot me a msg and we can figure it out. also if you want to be added or taken off the taglist please let me know <3

requests are open. masterpost masterlist taglist form ask box

You didn’t think the situation with Mat’s statement could get any worse. You were already being pestered by your mom, your friends and even other parents at the day camps Nora attended. Mostly everyone knew that it was true that Mat was her father at that point so the statement caused questions to rise. Ignoring everybody’s opinions about it was easy but six simple words from Nora were what broke you. 

“I thought Mat was my daddy,” she said softly while eating breakfast one morning. She had been quiet since the day before but it continued when she woke up the next morning. You thought maybe she was just moody and tired but it ended up being much more than that.

It took you a minute to answer, trying to figure out where she might have heard or been told that. It wasn’t that surprising that she might have gotten the impression that he was her dad considering how much time Mat had been spending with the two of you or she overheard a conversation. Kids are very perceptive but you couldn’t see how anyone would directly tell her about the public statement and you had been very careful about what you said around Nora and told everyone else to do the same. 

Apparently someone didn’t get the memo. 

You had two options. You could lie to Nora about what was going on or you could explain it in the best way you could to her. Lying to your daughter was the last thing you wanted to do but figuring out the easiest way to explain it so she would understand was hard. How were you supposed to explain that yes, Mat is her daddy but he was a fucking idiot and told the world that she’s not even though he said he wanted to be in her life. It would have been so simple to take the easy way out but it wouldn’t have been fair to Nora so after she finished her breakfast, you sat her down. 

“You’re feeling a little confused, huh?” you asked, watching her fiddle with a loose string on her sweater. 

She nodded, still not looking up at you and not offering her thoughts. It was a bit alarming because she was usually a chatterbox, even when she was upset about something. She would let you know exactly what was wrong. 

“Who told you Mat was your daddy?” 

She finally looked up at you, and the tears threatening to spill from her eyes made you both angry and upset. You were ready to find whoever told her and scream at them but her answer stunned you.

“I heard you talking to Jaxy,” she whispered. “I wasn’t trying to listen but I was coming out to get some water and you said that you were mad at Mat.” 

She didn’t elaborate on what else she may have heard which was unnerving because you probably said a lot of things about Mat that night when Jax came over to talk to you about it. You hoped she didn’t stay long enough for your breakdown where you had cried for thirty straight minutes. 

She sniffled, wiping a couple tears away. “I don’t understand.”

Your heart broke but you still struggled with how to explain everything to her. Telling her in the beginning was probably a better idea but you were so caught up in your own thoughts and feelings, you ignored the person who should have been your number one priority the entire time. 

“Mat is your daddy, baby,” you said. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

I’m sorry I kept you a secret.

“How come everyone is saying he’s not?” 

Mat should have been the one to answer this question because it was his doing, but you hadn’t spoken to him since the night he was at your apartment and the two of you argued. He had texted you the day after but you ignored it because you didn’t know what you would say when given the chance.

“Well, sometimes people make mistakes and Mat said something he shouldn’t have,” you explained, hoping it was enough and it seemed to be enough at first but then she hugged you tightly.

“I love you mama,” she said and before you could reply, she quietly asked, “Do you think Mat loves me?” 

“I’m sure he does,” you told her and it took everything in you not to cry. 

. . .

Liana: dinner at our place @ 6. bring nora and don’t be late!!!

You’re tempted to decline the request and just stay home but you’ve been promising Liana and Nadia that you would actually visit instead of dropping Nora off and leaving like you’ve been doing. Avoiding Mat is becoming increasingly difficult. It’s been two weeks since he released the statement and a week since your conversion with Nora. She’s been asking a lot of questions, ones that you didn’t plan on having to answer so soon. You expected her to be angry with you for not telling her but she took your confirmation that Mat’s her dad with ease. 

So it didn’t come as a surprise when her first question was whether Mat would be at the Barzal household for this dinner. You hadn’t bothered to ask Liana, mainly because you knew it would definitely impact your decision to agree to go. 

“Did you know that Zoe’s mom and dad aren’t together either?” She says during the drive to the Barzal’s. 

You do know this but you humor her. “Really?”

“Yup. Zoe said she spends weekends with her dad and stays with her mommy during the week,” she explains and then moves on to a different topic. You’re a little curious why she would talk about her friends’ living arrangements but when you finally pull into the driveway, your question is answered. 

“Do I have to stay at Mat’s on the weekend?” She asks and if you hadn’t already parked the car, you would have hit the brakes. 

“No,” you say a little too quickly and sharply because she frowns. 

“How come?”

You don’t answer her question right away, getting out of the car and walking around to the other side. She’s already unbuckling her seatbelt by the time you open the door and she’s still frowning. 

“Just no, Nora.”

“But Zoe does!”

You can’t explain custody agreements to a seven-year-old so you say the first excuse you can think of. 

“He doesn’t live here,” you say, taking her hand and begin walking towards the house. She’s dragging her feet, clearly not happy with your response. 

“Do I have to call him dad?” 

“No.”

“Why?”

“Just ‘cause,” you say, stopping at the door and turning to her. Her arms are crossed and she’s giving you the look that says she won’t let up until you give her an answer she wants.

“Do you want to call him dad?” 

She pauses, looking down at the ground and frowning. After a moment she shakes her head. 

“No, but Miss. Jones says you’re not supposed to call your mommy and daddy by their first names ‘cause it’s disrespectful.” 

“It’s not up to Miss. Jones,” you say gently. “This is new, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

After a moment, she mutters a quiet “okay,” and then: “do you think Nadia has ice-cream for dessert?”

“Guess we’ll have to go inside and ask,” you reply and raise your fist to knock on the door but it swings open before you can. Liana is waiting on the other side with a big smile on her face. Nora runs straight to her and giggles when the older girl picks her up and swings her around. 

“C’mon in,” Liana says, ushering you inside. So far there’s no sign of Mat so some of the tension leaves your body. After putting both yours and Nora’s shoes aside, you make your way to the kitchen. Nadia is puttering around, juggling a million things but she still smiles softly when she sees you. 

“Can I help with anything?” 

“You can keep me company,” she says and points to a chair. “Sit down and update me on what you’ve been up to.”

You know that you can’t argue with her so you sit and chat idly with her. She doesn’t bring up anything to do with Mat and you’re not sure what to think about it. You almost slip up and ask if he’s going to be here for dinner but decide not to. You haven’t seen him around since you arrived, so he’s probably out. Maybe with a girl. 

Not that you care, obviously. 

Mike eventually pokes his head in the kitchen to greet you and ask how you’ve been. He offers to set the table but Nadia shoos him out of the kitchen, rolling her eyes fondly. 

“Don’t get married, they’re nothing but trouble,” she jokes but there’s a smile on her face that lingers even after her husband leaves. You always admired their relationship, and were certain that you and Mat would be like it some day but it wasn’t in the cards. 

Soon, Nadia calls everyone to dinner. Nora immediately asks why Mat isn’t here and there’s an awkward silence until Liana breaks it.

“He’s busy,” she tells Nora and that must be enough because she just nods and starts eating dinner. Nothing else is said about Mat but just as you’re all finishing dessert, you hear the door open and close and there’s only one person you figure it will be.  

Mat walks into the dining room, clearly caught off guard by your presence. Nora hops off her chair and darts over to him, wrapping her arms around his legs and starts chatting excitedly. He’s trying to give her all his attention but his eyes keep flickering to you. 

When Nadia and Mike get up to start clearing the table and Liana asks Nora if she wants to go watch a movie, you realize that the three of them planned this. It’s almost like you’re kids again, fighting about something stupid and needing his parents to help fix the problem. 

Mat looks at you a little helplessly when the room clears and it’s just the two of you. There’s no way you can yell at him with his family and Nora in the next room and you realize that was also probably planned. 

“Can we talk?” he asks and you really don’t want to, but you realize that eventually you’re going to have to talk to him so you nod. You follow him out the back door and the two of you sit on the porch steps in silence until you finally break it.

“Why didn’t you come to me about what PR wanted to do? We could have figured out something together.”

He shrugs, looking at the ground. “I didn’t think to ask you about it. I just wanted to fix everything before it got complicated. I wasn’t thinking.” 

“Yeah, no shit,” you mutter. “That’s something you’re great at. You don’t think before you do anything.” 

You jump when he stands up suddenly and turns to face you. He’s angry but so are you.

“No, fuck that. You can’t just expect me to do everything right, when a month ago, all I had to worry about was hockey. I can’t be number one dad overnight! You didn’t even tell me about her for six years!” 

You’re a bit taken off guard by his sudden outburst but you can do anger too.

“That is the exact reason I didn’t tell you about her, Mat. Hockey is always going to come first in your life,” you snap. “And I didn’t ask you to be a number one dad, all I asked was that you be sure you wanted to be in her life before you committed to anything because this is exactly what I was worried about.” 

He falters a little, probably not expecting you to return the anger. 

“I didn’t want to post what they asked me to,” he says, sounding defeated. “But I didn’t know how to say no. When PR tells you to jump, you jump.”

You’ve no idea how public relations in hockey works, it’s possible that they would have posted the statement without asking Mat but you’re so damn angry. You’re angry but you don’t know who you’re even supposed to be mad at now. 

“You should have come to me,” you say again. “That’s how co-parenting works, you know.”

His mouth twitches. “That’s what we were doing?”

You can feel the anger slowly dissipating. Mat’s shoulders aren’t as tense and he plops back down on the steps so you sit next to him, letting your shoulders and knees knock against his.

“Well, you are her dad,” you admit. “And she is very concerned about her future living arrangements.”

He looks at you a little confused but there’s a small smile spreading across his face. 

“Does she know?”

“Yeah,” you tell him. “She’s smarter than you expect sometimes.”

“She gets that from you,” he says, poking your arm.

You roll your eyes fondly. “Well she had to get her brains from someone.”

He huffs but it sounds more like a laugh. You watch him look at the ground, brows furrowed and deep in thought.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?”

Here’s the thing that a lot of people don’t know about Mat: he doesn’t forgive himself easily. It’s something you learned the hard way when you were younger and dating. 

So you know he will beat himself up over this until you forgive him. 

“Yeah, but we both did.” You bump your knee against his until he looks up at you. “We can fix it, but we have to do it together.”

He holds out his pinky finger. ”Co-parenting, right?”  

You hook your finger around his and nod, letting yourself relax for the first time in weeks. It’s going to take time, hard work, and you’re both going to have to learn how to trust and communicate better again but you're sure you’ll get there.

“Together,” you agree.

tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @topguncultleader @shadowsndaisies @lovinbarzal @whatthepuckisgoingon @alilstressyandlotdepressy @teapartydreams @keiva1000

[evelili]

As an immigrant child, your new fic had resonated with me. It made me tear up eating dinner with my family.

When Saffron said, “This selfish desperation to know that I haven’t lost my connection to my home." It instantly took me back to being constantly teased by my friends for not being 'in tuned' with my culture like how they were, or how I desperately tried speaking in my native tongue with my parents, despite having a very clear american accent and them constantly assuring me that speaking in english is fine. My grandmother had passed earlier this year, she was the grandparent that I knew the least. I started asking about her from her sisters as my mother isn't in the state to answer anything, I've tried so hard to pick up the pieces of what her sisters have told me to construct an image of her personality. She used to constantly ask me to call her so when I read about Saffron talking about how video calls have were never the same and never enough, it hit me like a load of bricks.

Your fanfiction is so tremendously beautiful in describing the feelings I have felt all my life. How I know that where I am right now isnt home, but my actual home has been so unfamiliar after my grandmothers passing. I have constantly felt like I have disappointed her, so when Sunset confessed to the same thing, I couldn't hold my emotions in anymore. The ending with Saffron talking about how she would be waiting for Sunset to come home if she was her mother made hope that was true with me and my grandmother, if I were to ever reunite with her again when I pass away myself.

Thank you so much for writing this story. It was the most comfortable yet intense stories I have ever had the blessing to read. I am sorry for rambling and I hope this entire message makes some sort of sense? I hope whatever you're dealing with gets solved to the way you have hoped it would.

You have also made me see dal in a new light, it was never a food that I used to like, but I am willing to give it another shot lol

i looked at this ask earlier and had to take some time to process how to respond to this. i think tho i still dont really know how to, so i hope thats ok!

first of all, thank you so much for being comfortable enough to tell me ur story. it really means a lot that you would open up to me, a stranger, and the fact that you did so bc something i made had an impact on u quite actually moved me to tears. im a bit of a soggy mess rn lol. thank you again, truly.

second, i want to express my empathy for you and your situation with your grandmother. my grandad passed away before i could graduate, and it was during the height of lockdowns, so i hadnt seen him in a while. i didnt go to visit him in the hospital, so theres always this feeling of "what if i had called more? what if i had tried harder to visit? what if i spent more time with him?" that doesnt really go away. and, as a kid of 2 immigrant families, i can also really empathize with feeling a disconnect from your culture--when ur not surrounded by ur parents culture but u also visibly dont look like ur "from" the one u were raised in, it can feel really alienating, even though you havent done anything except just. exist in this sort of inbetween?

all of this i guess is to say that, i put a lot of my own experiences into this fic. and it's almost relieving in a way to know that u saw what i put there, and that this experience is something that other people have felt as well. thank you so very much again for reading ;v;

[safe-from-sharp-teeth]

Ayo! I haven't answered asks in FOREVER, so it's time for some spring cleaning :) Also answering other stuff, like what I've been up to.

If you sent an ask and it's not here, sorry! I may have deleted it because the prompt required too much work of me and I wasn't feeling it, or I was uncomfortable.

Let's gooooo !

Firstly - where have I been? Work REALLY picked up in a way I wasn't expecting over the last...4 months? I was working double and often triple the hours I was used to. With work, vacations, random illnesses, and many video games I got a bit too obsessed with, this blog took a backseat. Plus, sometimes I get disinterested in vore when obsessed with something else. Sometimes, that lasts months, and it did this time.

But now I can confirm that work will FINALLY chill for a long period of time. I'm free! And more motivated than ever! Wahoo! Thanks for your support ALWAYS.

Next big question - when am I going to do more of my story? The one with Asyr? AHHHHHGHHGHH this story has consumed my life. I think about it daily. I dream about it. And yet I'm not as comfortable writing as I am drawing, so writing is a slow process that my perfectionist ass struggles with. I can assure you that there is a story in the works - and I am working on it at a snail's pace.

Okay, ask time...

@ponyluvesonic09 AYO maybe I'll make a full ghost pred pros/con list for you, because that sounds awesome! Kir//by is one of the silliest canon preds out there. Honestly getting eaten by him would be like getting vored by a vacuum, LOL. Galaxy tummy!! Imagine a prey floating around in one of those item bubbles all grumpy. Thank u for the ask, this is good stuff.

no. ( /・・)ノ

UWAGHHHHH I LIKE HER!!! Never played O/verwat/ch but what a gem!! I have a random fondness for centaur-like preds nowadays. She looks so cozy. THANK U I LOVE HER!!!

@tiger9o0 I have not played r//ain w//orld or know what it's about, LOL. Looks like a platformer? Man, I'm terrrriiiiibblleee at those. But whoever this is on the cover, I LIKE EM. A+. (That might not answer ur question shdjbghkjg SORRY)

@heimkoheimkofan LOVE THAT I GOT THE ROBOT ENJOYERS AFTER THAT ONE POST....YES yall are so right and I'm so wrong for just hard metal robot tums. I will rectify my mistake soon I PROMISE. Also oh! You were the one asking about stomachs other than elemental ones! IVE HAD THAT IN MY DRAFTS FOREVER IM SORRY AHHHH. I REALLY love your imagination with tums and you've inspired me to think of some awesome environments! THANKS

@fastfur07 BWAH?? Ugh I'm all over the place when it comes to art. Some pieces take 30 min (like the zangooc I drew at the top of this post), most take 2 days. Some really hard drawings like my wolf bat creechur from a few months ago and my shrimp from last year took a month. THANK U??

We're going back so far that I think this is about my naga oc (which I'm in the midst of redesigning cough cough). For him, he would never tolerate being prey, extremely unwilling bahaha. In general, I haven't thought much about naga or snake prey! I get the appeal of slurping up a noodle, but I just prefer human prey :)

@fastfur07 you fiend, you always give me the best drawing ideas. UNFORTUNATELY, I didn't have time to draw something for this one. BUTTTT....

(i've had this next one in my drafts for forever)

then i had a silly comic. I'll post the wip here because I won't finish it, so enjoy bahaha.

@blizzaria123-blog THANK U im rapidly melting into a puddle from ur words

@mrpotatomanversionsix relevant. i will continue drawing them 4 u

?!??!!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!? how dare u enter my ask box with this blasphemy

@sfwsillynoms WAH!!! you!!! I'm currently redesigning my naga oc but when I finish I'll tag you, if you're still around! And he can 100% be drawn with ur preysona :)

@mystorl i am SO late to this, but SMART. I like it. I shall give my lil guy this friend. I just want to let u know that I see this and it's wonderful and I will do something abt it.

I remember this ask made me laugh a ton when I first got it. thank u. idk why I find this so funny

@sillylilprey IM CRYING RIGHT BACK AHHHH this is an ancient ask, but thank u! hope you're still enjoying!

@terrytheinsane finally, the last ask in my askbox. I love it. You have been wronged with how long it took me to answer you. I have gained knowledge from your ask. THANKS

AND THAT'S IT!! Thanks guys, I hope to make you proud! Feel free to send more asks, and hopefully I will answer in a TIMELY manner.

Goodnight! And remember: Nice Vore ᕕ༼⌐■-■༽ᕗ

[justjensenanddean]

Jensen Ackles and Jeffrey Dean Morgan | New Jersey Convention, Main Panel (April 16, 2023)

(x)

“hey dad! times been good to ya” (x)

when jensen and danneel had crushes on each other but were tied up with other people jensen wrote her a note that said “not now. but someday” and she still has it (x)

jdm was on jensens first date with danneel bc JENSEN INVITED HIM BC HE HAD NO IDEA IT WAS A FIRST DATE (x)

jensen: jdm got off a motorcycle in slomo and i saw hilarie’s jaw on the floor. she had no idea who he was (x)

fan: fav backstage moment from cons jdm: when i told everyone i was having a daughter bc i wasnt supposed to  (x)

jensen: when we announced the end of spn and at SDCC there were 7000 people and i told jared “take this in. this is it”  (x)

*everyone arguing over an answer* jensen; glad we figured that out. great job jdm: im still confused (x)

jensen got in trouble for sharing info abt a project last con so he will not be saying ANYTHING (x)

fan; SOLDIER BOY COMING BACK? jensen: uh…….no comment  (x)

theyre talking about their daughters jdm: mine will be the death of me jensen: one will be the death of me and the other will take care of me jdm; mine will be twerking over my grave jensen: HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW DADDY  (x)

.@JDMorgan : the year I did #Supernatural and Grey's Anatomy changed my life #SPNNJ (x)

.@JensenAckles getting the part of Tony in West Side Story in high school was life changing - after his baseball coach talked him into doing it. (x)

(x)

the drama teacher at Jensen’s school wanted him to be in the spring musical and his baseball coach was like “you’ve played with me for three years. go give this a shot i promise we’ll be in the front row”  (x)  a talent scout was at the play and told jensen that he had it and he should come to LA and he went “lol take a hike” (x)  THE ROLE WAS TONY IN WEST SIDE STORY!!! and his whole baseball team was like “woah ” (x)

jensen: getting into the industry is harder now that it was back then jdm: i dont even know how to get an agent now jensen: yeah dont ask us for advice  (x)

Question: Jensen, what was your favorite thing about soldier boy? JDM: the codpiece. *crowd laughs* JDM: sorry, I thought you were asking me.  (x)

the boots soldier boy wore on the show are the same ones that dean wore on spn. they’re called carolinas  (x)

jensen: jdm texted me when i was getting fitted and he was immediately like “SHOW ME THE COD PIECE” and i was like “perfect timing i have five of them lined up which one” AND JDM SAID “PICK THE BIGGEST ONE” (x)

fan; nash was amazing. is there hope for touring in the future for radio co? jensen: thanks it took a lot of drugs jdm: he’s not lying  (x)

jensen: touring might be aggressive but anything is on the table  (x)

jdm: i watched it online and i remember texting you being like “what the fuck is going on that was amazing” (x)

jensen looked at steve and said “this is a bad idea we should leave” right before going on bc louden swain KILLED and they didnt wanna follow that  (x)

.@JensenAckles : even tho it was a vengeful mission, John set out to right a wrong. In The Winchesters we wanted to show John before that trauma.  (x)

jensen says the pilot of spn “holds up today”  (x)

fan: whats your fav format to play in (movies, tv, voice acting, etc) jdm; whatever has the best writing. we knew supernatural was going to be good by the first ep (x)

jensen turns towards tv bc he doesnt know where it’ll go and where it will end (x)

jensen: ive done soap operas and that was 20-24 pages of dialogue a day (x)

APPARENTLY ONE TIME JENSEN TAPED JEFF’S DIALOGUE TO HIS CHEST AND HE WAS LIKE “WE GOTTA GET THROUGH THE DAY LOOK AT MY TITS”  (x)

JENSEN TALKING ABOUT FRIENDS AND HE YELLS “PIVOT” (x)

jensen: i heard “anyway you want it” in the car and almost got out before the second chorus hit bc i thought i was late for stage (x)

fan: go to karaoke song? jensen: have u ever done karaoke? jdm: never in my life. i think you asked me once and i said “goodnight 👋🏻 ” jensen: right but it was more like “goodnight 🖕🏻  (x)

(x)

[softxsuki]

Hello, I’m.. new to this. But reading your works have comforted me … I know you have a lot on your plate, and I hope all is going well for you!! If you,,have the chance,, I’ve kind of.. not been doing well. At all. Haha,, I’ve been extremely suicidal.. for at least the past year. Everything has since fell apart. I’m not sure if this counts, but..it feels urgent, to me..?

My grandmother died, I lost my job due to my health declining so rapidly I physically could not manage. I’ve since applied to so many jobs.. absolutely no luck and.. I even lost my home. Im living with someone else’s parents, and I’m a child scared to leave their room all over again. I can’t eat unless food is in front of me, none of my friends are… good, at comforting, to say the least… I have well over 1K due for medical bills, and no one will even take me for an interview, so I can’t even pay off little by little. Lol..I pretty much moved out at 17 and have been surviving by myself for 6 years now.

Im so tired of surviving.

If.. if you don’t mind.. honestly I don’t even know what kind of scenario this would count as…. Baji has been my biggest comfort character as of late, and I.. well, would you mind,, possibly writing a scenario.. of reader who’s spiraled so far into these thoughts, and in the midst of a panic attack, attempts to.. stop surviving, if you catch my drift..

I know this is very personal, and I’m sorry to dump on you.. if you’re unable, all is well! Thank u for taking time to read my pity story haha.. <3

Baji Helps Suicidal Reader

****Please proceed with caution if mentions of suicide will be more harmful to you than beneficial.*****

Pairing: Baji x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of hopelessness, suicide attempt, crying, not being able to find a job, losing your home

Genre: Hurt Comfort

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: In which Baji shows up as soon as you attempt to take your own life.

[A/N: Hi darling, I'm so glad you found my blog and for feeling comfortable enough to bring your urgent request to me! I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Though I've felt similarly about the the whole job thing. Places these days won't even give people a chance to show what they could do. I graduated from College and couldn't find work immediately. I'm still struggling to find a job in my field even now. I have a job at a bookstore atm, but it took a long time for me to get it. I think when they timing is right though, things will work out for us. We really just need to wait for things to happen and keep working for them! But you're also going through a lot of other situations as well, so my words probably aren't that helpful, so I'll leave that to Baji. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to though. I've been through moments of hopelessness and feeling like leaving this world was my only option, but I'm proof that things will change. There will always be times when we fall, but we can always get back up again! Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you read. I hope it provides you with even just a tiny bit of comfort <3 i love you, hopefully we can talk again soon, you sound very sweet!

Side note: I wasn’t sure if you wanted something platonic or if you wanted to be Baji’s s/o so I left that kinda ambiguous. You could read it either way!

Baji impatiently taps his foot, sitting on his bike outside your place. Where were you?

You had texted him earlier asking him to pick you up since the people you were living with weren’t home and you just needed to get out for a while. He came rushing over as soon as he had a chance and texted you upon arriving, but you weren’t answering his texts–you weren’t even reading them. 

He knew all about your situation in life and had tried his best to be by your side and show you the support that you deserved to have. He wasn’t perfect though, at times it was hard for Baji to truly put himself in your shoes and understand what you were going through.

Now though, he was worried. Why had you texted so desperately that you needed to get out of the house? Why weren’t you answering his texts now?

He turns his engine off and hops off the bike, walking briskly to your front door.

“Y/N! I’m here,” He bangs on the door, hoping you were just distracted and forgot to check your phone to see his texts.

But he’s met with silence. 

“Y/N!” He tries again, panic settling in the pit of his stomach and he bangs harder on the door–something wasn’t right.

He brings his ear to the door hoping to hear any sign of life and that’s when he hears it, the running of water and sobs from the other side. Gathering whatever adrenaline had been building up in him, he rams into the door, which luckily flies open from the impact. The sound of your sobs grows louder the closer he gets to you. You were in the bathroom.

The door is only a crack open, but he races toward the noise, slamming the door fully open and takes in your state; puffy eyes as tears run from them not that he could distinguish your tears from the hot water that was pouring on you from the shower-head. You were sitting in the tub, soaking wet with a bottle of pills in your hands.

Your breathing was erratic as you struggled to open the bottle, but Baji is quick to act. He’s in the shower with you in a second, the burning water scalding his body even through his jacket, but he doesn’t care since it’s now not hitting you anymore. He snatches the pills from your hands, throwing them out the bathroom door and into the hallway where you can’t see them. In your state of panic, you start to flail around, seeing that bottle as your only escape from the mental pain you were experiencing. He finally turns the water off and hoists you up, your attempts to push him away and hit him futile. His adrenaline is still high as he lifts you from the tub with ease and onto the bathroom floor where he plops down next to you, out of breath.

You can’t seem to calm your breathing down as you clutch your chest, searching all around you with wild eyes, looking for a way out. Anything to end your suffering–anything. But then you feel strong arms wrap around you in a hug. You beat down on his back, trying your best to shake him off you. Let go of me, you think to yourself. Maybe you meant it in a different way, Let me go. Let me be free from this pain. But deep down, you wanted him to continue to hold you in place.

“Y/N please-” His voice cracks, making you go still in his arms. What were you doing?

“Please, I’m here. You’re not alone, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” he cries, “So don’t leave me.”

The man who had nerves of steel was breaking right in front of you.

He held you tight, as if he was scared you’d just vanish between his fingers. 

What feels like hours passes by with you both still soaking wet on the floor, clinging to each other, but you slowly manage to calm your breathing and sobs thanks to Baji’s help. 

He had been silent the whole time, focusing on just making sure you wouldn’t try anything else while he was around.

“I’m sorry…” you finally say, resting your head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

He finally loosens his grip on you, but continues to hold you close, caressing your still damp hair, “Why?”

That was a great question. One you couldn’t answer in only a few minutes. Baji knew the basics of what you’d been through, but he didn’t know the turmoil of what you were going through internally–only externally.

“I’m just…tired. Tired of surviving, tired of suffering. I’m barely scraping by. Is this what life’s supposed to be like? I look around at all the happy faces. Everyone seems to be living the ideal life and I’m just here, so why should I bother to exist if I don’t matter.”

He takes in your words, thinking them over, probably repeating them over and over in his head.

“You matter,” he decides to say, “You matter so much. Even if you only matter to one person, isn’t that enough to keep trying? One person can eventually grow into two, and three, and so on.”

“Baji…you don’t know what it’s like. I’ve already tried for so long. It’s been six long years. I’ve tried to see the good in my situation for six years, and yet I only keep getting pushed farther and farther past my limit. I can’t find a job, and because I can’t find a job, I can’t pay off my debt. I’m living in a house that isn’t mine with people who aren’t my family. I’m alone,” you cry out.

By now you had freed yourself from Baji’s arms, but he reaches over and grabs your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, scared that you’d run away from him.

“But if you leave now how do you know that tomorrow won’t be the day that things change?” He asks you, “Look, I know I can’t ever fully understand what goes on through your mind or what you’ve been through up till this point, but you can’t know what your life will be like a few months from now–hell, not even a few days from now. Everything can change in a second, you just need to be around to experience it.”

He brings your hands to his lips, peppering tiny kisses to your knuckles.

“I love you, a lot Y/N. Too much to just let you leave like this. Let’s try focusing on today. Each day has its own troubles, so why should we think about the future and worry ourselves even more for problems we haven’t reached yet? We’ll cross those valleys when we get to them. Right now, I just want you to focus on yourself, getting back on your feet and in a better state of mind,” he tries to console you.

His words definitely reached you. Truth be told, you knew things could maybe change, but it was hard to move forward with such uncertainty. Why couldn’t you know what would happen with your life five years from now? 

“But what if things don’t change. I don’t want to live like this forever. I don’t want to suffer anymore,” you confess, hot tears running down your face.

Baji turns to face you, gently wiping your tears away.

“But what if they do? Don’t you want to stick around to find that out for yourself?” He asks.

You stop and think it over for a moment; a life where things finally turned around–you finally getting called in for an interview and getting a job, receiving an income and finally getting to pay your debts off. Having your own place where you felt comfortable and maybe starting a family of your own…yeah, that did sound nice. As impossible as that future sounded, it was something you craved.

“I guess I do,” you sigh, “Though I wish it could happen now.”

“I know. I wish it could happen now for you as well. I hate to see you suffer so much, but you’re not alone in this. I have your back. So let’s keep fighting okay? Together, let’s see it through till the end when things finally turn around for you.”

“Baji, you know I can’t just feel better overnight. I think I’ll be okay for today, but who’s to tell when I’ll spiral like this again.”

“Then I’ll be here to get you through it again.”

A wave of gratitude flew through you. You don’t know why Baji arrived on time when you were fully ready to leave this world a few minutes ago, but now you were thankful that he had stopped you. You didn’t want to hurt him or leave him alone, but you found a little ball of hope appearing in your heart. Though tiny, it was still present and you hoped it would continue to grow and become reality one day.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Then shall we go? You said you wanted out of here for the day, right?” He goes right back to treating you like he usually would–something you were grateful for. You didn’t want him to walk on eggshells around you after witnessing you at your lowest moment.

“But we’re still wet,” you point-out, looking at his clothes that were still clinging to his body.

“The wind will dry us,” he heaves himself off the floor and holds a hand out to you, “Let’s go.”

You give him your hand as he helps you off the floor. What did you have to lose? At this point you didn’t care, you just needed to get your mind off everything.

Baji leads you out of the house, grabbing the bottle of pills on his way out and throwing them in his jacket pocket, making a mental note to discard them later. You walk past the open door with a lock that was now busted off the wall. You’d have to explain that to the people you lived with, but you’d face that problem when you got to it–just like Baji said. 

You hop on behind him on his motorbike as he passes you his helmet, making sure it’s securely on your head before he drives off. 

For just a moment, the wind seems to blow all the worries from your mind. With your arms wrapped tightly around Baji’s torso, you close your eyes and think of those better days he had spoken about.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to see if they could really happen…

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 2/15/2023

[dnofsunshine]

Digimon Secret Santa Exchange 2023: Don't blame me (you started it)

Kuga Yuuya never texted her first. Until he did.

Written for @hallowed-nebulae for the @digisecretsanta 2023 exchange! :3

a/n: i'm your secret santa and (like i said on ao3 lol) i'm not entirely familiar with the digimon world series, or i wasn't until recently, so i hope i did your two favorites, Rina & Yuuya, justice!! i've enjoyed the gameplay so far of Re:digitize Decode and i enjoyed writing these two. i hope you have a safe and merry Christmas, and happy holidays!! <333 :D

Oh, and here's my Digimon discord server if you wanna yell abt digimon with us!

Read on AO3! || Read below the cut:

Kuga Yuuya did not texted her first.

It wasn’t something subjective—it was a simple, known fact! She wasn’t sure Yuuya texted anyone first. Often, when Rina texted him, Yuuya left her (very cruelly) on read. Sometimes he left her on delivered. Which was like, extremely rude, thank you very much.

(Granted, none of those messages were because of actual emergencies, but still. Her memes were nonetheless very important and warranted a response. But Yuuya had ignored her. Because of course he did. The jerk.)

So, naturally, when Rina’s phone vibrated and pinged, and Yuuya’s contact lit up her screen, Rina gaped. She blinked, surprised, and it took several moments to register that oh yeah, she should read the message.

Hey, Yuuya had written plainly. Jeesh, and he called everyone else boring.

Yeah, the world had totally ended. Sometime in the last few minutes, the world had ended and Rina had died and gone to an afterlife where apparently Kuga Yuuya texted her first.

She debated on calling him to see what was up, but that ran the risk of scaring him off because he didn’t even text, let alone call; so Rina leaned back in her chair and did what she did best.

Rina: hey!!!! ┌( ＾◡＾ )┘whatcha up to???

Yuuya: Studying. You use a lot of exclamation points, Rina-san.

Rina: and u text like the heir of the gigo company lol

Yuuya: Is… that a good or a bad thing?

Rina blinked again, her lips curving into a frown. She narrowed her eyes at her screen suspiciously, and who could blame her? Since when did Yuuya care about her opinion of him?

Rina: not bad!!! was just kiddin lol (≧_≦)

Yuuya: Okay.

She sent him another text that mostly consisted of emotes and exclamation points (perhaps proving his point), and this time, it took a while for Yuuya to respond. At least a good ten minutes.

Yuuya: What about you? What’re you up to?

Okay. Wow. She peeked out her bedroom window—yep, still snowing. Which meant it was still mid-December and she was still in Japan. Maybe. Probably. If she wasn’t… did it snow in the afterlife? To what afterlife had she been sent, for Yuuya to not only respond but ask about her in return? Smug, snooty Yuuya? What the hell was even happening? She couldn’t even begin to know the answer to that. 

Instead, she answered Yuuya.

Rina: just chillin!!! not really doing much haha it’s boring w/o V.V. here tbh

Yuuya: I see.

Another pause followed. Rina stood from her chair and made her way to her bed to sprawl out, phone in hand, as she awaited the continuation of their conversation. She got bored waiting on minute three and decided she couldn’t handle the suspense anymore.

Rina: so whats up???

Yuuya: I’m studying.

Rina: well duh u said that already i meant why did u text me

Yuuya: You text me all the time.

Rina: yeah! but u like never answer soooooo

Yuuya: Sorry.

Oh good god, okay. Yuuya, apologizing? Prideful, arrogant Yuuya? Maybe she’d gone to some alternate dimension—somewhere that wasn’t the digital world—where everything was the same except for one fifteen-year-old Kuga Yuuya.

She frowned again, this time in contemplation. As she pondered how to respond, she kicked her feet idly against her bed, tapping the back of her phone case if only to keep her fingers moving.

She wondered absentmindedly if his dad scolded him or something. From what she knew, Kuga Kenzou was more insufferable than Yuuya—which, of course, made sense considering he was Yuuya’s father—so it wasn’t much of a stretch to say he wasn’t all that great of a parent.

Her chest ached inexplicably at the thought and her frown deepened.

Rina: is ur dad being a bitch

Yuuya: Huh?

Rina: ya know ur dad is he being a bitch lol

Yuuya: I don’t see what he has to do with the conversation.

Then, after about a minute:

Yuuya: Father is always being a bitch.

Rina: lol!! i believe it honestly

And because Rina was a gremlin with no sense of self-control: 

Rina: his ass must really hurt from the stick shoved in it

Yuuya: Lol.

Rina blinked once more in surprise and then grinned at her screen because this was another new thing—Yuuya laughing at a joke? A joke she made? She didn’t even know Yuuya could laugh, much less over text. She didn’t know he even had a sense of humor.

They spent the next hour or so texting, with Rina sending memes (the normal amount) and emotes (also the normal amount) and Yuuya telling her that it was, in fact, not the normal amount. Eventually, the time between Yuuya’s responses grew longer and longer, and Rina assumed that he’d averted his full attention back to studying.

Rina: ur a fun texter lol

Rina: not as fun as me obviously but still fun just sayin

She sent it without really expecting a response right away, but she was surprised yet again when the reply came in only a few minutes.

Yuuya: Wow. One person approves of my texting habits.

Rina laughed out loud. This was a fun side of Yuuya to see.

(And no, it wasn’t because she felt a little warm inside that he seemed to trust her enough to make jokes with her.)

(She didn’t feel warm inside at all.)

(Yuuya was simply growing on her.)

(Like a fungus.)

Yuuya: Is this supposed to be an honor or a shame, since the person is Rina-san?

Her laugh quickly turned into a scandalized gasp as she stared down at her phone in offense. No, she changed her mind. Yuuya wasn’t growing on her.

“Rude,” she said aloud as if he could hear her, without any hint of fondness in her voice. None at all. "Yer such a punk."

Oh, who was she kidding—she sent him memes, shitposts, and festive, holiday-themed selfies every day after that for the rest of the month. If he was pissed about it, well, he texted her first.

[courtana]

👑 , 🏆, ⚙️, and 🐾 for the oc background relationships ask game for whichever oc(s) u feel fit to answer with these!!

thank you so much for the asks, and sorry i took so long to answer! :')

I'll answer these with my Halo OC, Beatrice! She's honestly less developed than I'd like, and it's because I need to actually study the Halo lore more intensively to feel confident about her lol.

👑 - Person who raised your OC and/or was important during their formative years Her parents definitely influenced her a ton, before the glassing of Sargasso! Her father and mother definitely influenced her a lot, especially with inculcating her trust in ONI/UNSC since she was a child. Her brother, too, was a huge pillar for her to lean on.

🏆 - Best friends (past, current or future) I could see her good friends with her brother. I also say Master Chief and the rest of Blue Team eventually became confidants/friends with her. I refuse to not let her have women as friends—I feel like people do that too often. Since Daisy-023 (from Legends) is also from Sargasso, I don't see them being best of friends, but I could see them bonding, if their paths were to cross.

⚙️ - Coworkers/boss (krewe/other charr outside of warband) Once she was discharged and began working in a research role, I think the closest thing I have set up as a boss/crew is the crew of the UNSC Infinity.

🐾 - Pets I wanna say she currently has no pets. Maybe as a child she had something like a ferret. (This question makes me wanna make a Destiny OC for real, because each time I play with @collinnmckinley I tell her my guardian needs a war beast puppy companion 💀)

💌 OC's Background Relationship Game

[snowfolly]

For the BG3 Fanfic Writers Ask Game:

☔️ 🌪️🌙

Thanks so much for the ask Vix! Sorry it took 8593028291 years ;u;

☔️ Do you care about wider DnD lore in your fics?: YES! Although I still know so little in the grand scheme of it all! I do my research regularly for the fic tho, especially for anything relating to religion bc there’s SO MUCH LORE there omg.

I answered 🌪️ in a previous ask uwu

🌙 Has writing for BG3 created any challenges for you?: Yes, kind of, I mean not really I guess bc I’m kind of just doing what I want (lol). If it’s something that doesn’t entirely make sense in the game I try to make it make sense in the fic (like the other spawn looking quite different than Astarion — I explain it away with the worm etc.). Otherwise I don’t think it’s been too bad!

[rebelssscum]

umh hi hey i thought i was the only one at the 'the party ended 5 years ago but i'm just finishing rebels' club,, have you finished it?? i did last week and. died. thoughts on the end?? (if u want to yap ofc dw if not) ^^

i did finish it! i finished it last weekend and i was blown away.

at first i was very wary about starting it because it is a children’s show (which most Star Wars cartoons are but this one is specifically targeted towards children) and i wasn’t completely sold on the animation of the characters, but that mindset quickly diminished.

it took until season two for me to actually enjoy it and i think it’s because i loved how mature and vulnerable Ezra became as he got closer to the Ghost Crew.

i knew that Kanan died but when i tell you i was not expecting how he actually died. when his vision was restored for a few seconds so he could see Hera, i absolutely sobbed. i also appreciated how the rest of the crew allowed themselves to grieve and not immediately jump back into the fight. i love that each character was able to grieve in a way that felt right for them.

i’ll be honest, i didn’t watch Rebels before i watched Ahsoka because i “hated cartoons,” so when i got to the last few episodes of the season, everything that was happening in Ahsoka made so much sense so i’m very excited to rewatch it!

now to answer your question 😅

the very last episode left me speechless and i was so proud of Ezra for realizing that his lesson wasn’t finished and he did what he knew he needed to do. he left. of course i was very sad to see him leave and i was so sad for the Crew, but just knowing that his family loves him and is so proud of him (and that we see him again in Ahsoka), is enough for me.

(i’m talking as if these characters are real life people, ignore me. i get too attached lol).

after every Star Wars cartoon my sisters and i finish watching, we always rank them.

my rankings before i watched Rebels:

- The Bad Batch, The Clone Wars, Rebels.

my rankings after i watched Rebels:

- Rebels, The Bad Batch, The Clone Wars.

when i tell you i was shocked when i realized i loved Rebels more than The Bad Batch?????? i was very shocked because you’ll have to pry TBB out of my cold dead hands.

i’m so sorry this answer got out of hand 😅 but thank you so much for asking!! How did you like the show and the ending?

- L

[kaksparkz]

for the artist askgame, idk how many youve answered already but 3,4,10,12,21,24 and 35!

hello helloo!! sorry im just answering this now, been pretty busy^^ (also, using this chance to thank u for your support!! i always see u interacting with my stuff here hbasfcyhdb you're a sweetheart😭💕)

Your fav piece/s?

Probably this vergil one! i still love how it looks djddgnds my art peaked here im afraid,,,,,

Piece you wish got more love?

hmm, this is an interesting one!! tbh i dont mind it much but this johnny fanart got waaaaay more attention on instagram!! i mean,,, i have a lot of mk moots there so it makes sense lol (and also just got to 1k followers on IG!! crazy stuff💌)

How do you deal with artblock?

to be honest, once i realize i have artblock i stop drawing for a couple of days. if i keep insisting on drawing i just get more and more frustrated and it makes it worse imo. so i like to spend some time doing my other hobbies!!! (´▽｀)

usually i just come back to drawing once i regain motivation or i get a cool idea that i need to sketch so i wont forget. and when that happens, my artblock is usually gone!! so,, i guess i just wait for it to go away? lol not much advice i can give on that sadly :/

Describe your process while drawing!

CHAOTIC. to say the least.

i spend like. half an hour on pinterest beforehand getting inspo & searching for refs and ONLY THEN i can start drawing. i start on SAI1, do the sketch and if i like how it looks, i just clean it up. if it dont, i do 'proper' lineart. after that i start coloring and shading!! this is my fav part tbh. once im done shading i color the lineart so its not completely black. then i open up SAI2 and start doing more rendering, adding overlays & effects. that part is also SO FUN cause it makes everything come together so nicelyy. my art process is a pretty big 'trust the process' till that part lol.

there's ALWAYS music or yt videos playing in the bg, and me taking A LOT of 15 minutes breaks cause that one song is so good and i have to stop drawing and start singing while looking at the spotify lyrics like im hypnotized LMAO

What do you thin you artstyle woukd taste like?

people always say my art looks so tasty and. i kind of agree!! like. smth very sweet. it really depends on the colors i use on the piece but,,, either hard candy, gummies, marshmallows or even syrup i think!!!

What's a compliment about your art that has always stuck with you?

i get super giddy with every compliment i get so i dont think i can remember one in particular??? but istg people always say the funniest, most sweet things ever and it's so nice to hear :3 but if i had to say smth,,, i once had the chance to talk with this one incredibly talented illustrator, and he kept telling me how he thought my stuff looked amazing. and i was like!!! wow!!! you actually like my stuff?? what!!!!

Piece of advice for my younger artist self

i would sit this little girl down and talk to her for hours tbh poor thing was STRUGGLING 😭😭😭

i guess my best advice for her (and for anyone who reads this, too!) is to not be so hard on yourself. art is a skill, and it takes a lot of time to build it up!!!

i used to get SO extremely upset when my stuff didnt look the way i wanted it to and ughhh. took me literal years to find my artstyle too and that didn´t help AT ALL with how frustrated i was feeling. i felt,,, stuck??

but now i look back at my art journey and. wow have i improved!! maybe if that little girl saw the stuff i do today she wouldn´t be so sad about her art :´] not to say i don´t struggle today, i still feel stuck and frustrated often!! but i guess i learned to be kinder to myself. but i still have lots of things to improve about my art!! i wonder when i´ll take another look back and see how much i´ve progressed since today,,,

thank you for the ask!! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

[darlingpoppet]

any updates on wtdf? i hope u have a wonderful day 💕

Hi anon! Thanks so much for checking in! And thanks for doing it on tumblr, this is a good opportunity to push me out of lurk mode and refill my queue while offering some much needed updates!

Anyways, the short answer is: WTDF chapter 8 is coming along, albeit more slowly than I intended, and it might still be another month or two before it’s finally done.

The longer explanation is this: Chapter 8 is another doozy like chapter 4 was… if you read the notes for chapter 4, or read my other WTDF-related posts here on tumblr, then perhaps you’re familiar with the fact that completing that chapter was also a protracted process that juggled a different fic project with a fixed deadline, a bout of writer’s block, and inspiration wandering to some different one-shots before ultimately getting me back on-track. I’m a bit sorry to say that I seem to be unintentionally experiencing an exact repeat of last year 🥲💦

In April, when I was still on-track to finish the chapter within my self-imposed deadline, a friend asked me to pinch-hit for their zine, and I was happy to put all my own projects on the back burner for a couple of weeks while I helped out a friend in-need. Once that project was finished at the end of April I immediately got back to work on WTDF, but less than two weeks in (right around the time Hades II Early Access dropped, so I was already a little bit distracted lol) I got saddled with a leadership position preparing for an event at my kid’s kindergarten, which took up 100% of my free time as well as the complete use of my hands (because A LOT of crafting was also involved lol.) So for the rest of May, zero writing got done (though I listened to a lot of podcasts and youtube video essays during that time, I’m thinking of making a rec list sometime of the stuff I enjoyed just for fun!)

And now here we are toward the end of June and the chapter still isn’t done. Even now I keep huffing the copium by telling myself I can finish it by the end of the month, but I’m gonna be honest: all of the interruptions & delays have left me struggling to get back in the right headspace for this story & at this point I admit that I seem to have fallen into another writer’s block 🥲 The last couple of weeks have been me making incremental progress while also trying to refill my cups.

I really hoped I could finish it this month because I’m already planning on doing camp nanowrimo in July to FINALLY finish the draft for the dreamers AU that has also been in the works for over a year now. And tbh that’s the story that I’m now daydreaming about as I start to get myself back into the writing zone. So I think I just gotta Trust The Process on this one and strike the iron where it’s hot for now, because at least I can point to my experience last year and give credit to my fics Closest & Flourishing for giving me the needed momentum to finally get WTDF Ch 4 over the finish line (followed by a streak of productivity that lasted me pretty much up until this point!)

So while I’m sorry that this means WTDF Ch 8 is gonna continue to be delayed a bit longer, I also think it’ll be worth it in the end when I have both these projects finished and I’m feeling good about the direction the inspiration is taking them. FWIW a lot of the ideas & themes I’m thinking about for the dreamers AU—such as prolonged periods of transition, coming of age, and the liminal qualities of queerness & gender identity—they are helping ideas coalesce in my approach to WTDF Ch 8, which, as I may have mentioned before, is a treatment of the Skyros arc. It’s actually fitting that I’m working on these projects both at the same time because I think they’re actively making one another better, which means I’m getting even more excited to complete & share them! The dreamers AU seems likely to be split into two parts at this point, so it makes sense to me to sandwich the WTDF update in between those. I can never really make concrete promises about my publishing schedule anymore, but for now at least, that’s the plan.

Anyways sorry for the longwinded & possibly boring explanation/list of excuses. But I appreciate your ask, it means a lot to know that people care 🥹🙏 Thank you everyone for their patience so far!!! I know I’m slow haha but everyone has been nothing but kind & understanding about it <3

You have a wonderful day as well ❤️

[mushr00mfriend]

same anon that asked for advice again! sorry for asking a bunch of questions lol, i swear these'll be my last, and thanks for the advice because it's genuinely helping me a lot! i was wondering, how do you personally worldbuild, if that makes sense? that and, how did you start planning delirium and stuff? i seriously love your work, and i'd like to know your thought process behind if! (without any spoilers ofc) so, whos been your favorite character(s) to write and whose been your hardest? i also just reread, and was wondering how the bonds work and will reader be forming one in the sequel? and, not really a question, but i loved how everyone seems to care for eachother as "family"! such a good detail, and this may have been mentioned somewhere in the book already, but does slenderman share the same sentiments about them? or does he just care about them since they feed him (lol)?

anyways, i swear thats it, sorry for literally bombarding you with questions, u dont have to answer all of them lol. again, your advice is seriously helpful, and i can't wait to see what else you create, whether its involved in the creepypasta fandom or not. take care of yourself and i hope you have a nice day!!

I don't mind the questions at all! I'm actually really happy to have you ask them, I love talking about my baby :] I'll put some dashes in between each section addressing each specific question- and of course, a readmore.

So, Delirium branched off the 'all the Creepypastas live in a mansion with Slenderman as a pseudo-father figure' trope that was super popular back in the day. The whole thing was mainly peaceful, with the Creeps living in relative harmony like a big ol commune situation barring when an enemy (usually Zalgo) upset that peace. It was a silly premise for sure, but it was also incredibly loved and mostly the same from one author to the next (with some distinct outliers). There had been some pushback that I had seen in regards to that scenario, mainly that it cut a lot of the horror elements of Creepypasta down to basically nothing, and as much as I agreed somewhat with those people who didn't like it... I went along and I thought, "okay, so how would one make it realistic?"

And that's where Delirium came from- I wanted to create a universe in which the trope had weight, a place where it would make sense for the Slenderman to have a mansion, and for Creepypastas to populate it. Basically the idea of looking at something completely satirical or comedic and taking it seriously. I've said it before, but Delirium is a love letter to that trope, and all the authors that contributed to it. It's also a prologue, the set up for the world I've been planning. What snippets you've seen there are really a shallow look at what's going on. I'm quite excited to submerge you all in the realm of the Gloom >:]

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Worldbuilding for me has been literally eight years in the making. There's been tons of rewriting, editing, and researching that's gone into creating something that is detailed and nuanced. I have developed a great respect for authors who've made their own worlds- its exhausting even with already established characters and tropes to work with!

I first started with the very basic ideas of a world; flora, fauna, biomes, magic systems, and theology. I took the current trope and walked backwards, thinking about the steps it would take to get to that point in time, how relationships and factions would develop. Then I thought about the lore- who would know everything? Who would only know some facts, and what would those facts be? Who would know basically nothing, and how would relaying these facts happen?

My first piece of advice is: don't rush it. Seriously. You're going to be finding a lot of plot holes and contradictions otherwise. The easiest part is writing it, everything else needs the time to settle together.

My second piece of advice is to create a trophic pyramid of information. Who is the apex predator, the one who knows all the history, everything that has happened (The Slenderman)? Who are the secondary consumers, the smaller predators, the ones who know a lot, but not all of it (the Proxies)? Who are the herbivores, the ones with only a little knowledge (the Shades)? Who are the detrivores, the one's with basically no knowledge of anything (the humans, MC)?

The plants in this pyramid, the ones at the lowest rung, are the readers. They know nothing about the world they're going into, and frankly they shouldn't. There should be things that are never outright spoken, and there should be things that are only half-truths. Information shouldn't be spoonfed to the reader- an infodump is what can turn a lot of readers off. Instead, ease them into it.

Say, for example, a Bond. The meaning is pretty straightforward, but it isn't something that is used in everyday life. It has a special meaning in Delirium, it is something unique to the world. You first hear of it when Kate thinks about her relationship with Ann, that they are in a Bond. Instead of saying what a Bond entails, I wrote about how Kate represses her feelings so Ann can't sense them, how she can hear Ann's thoughts and respond to them. I wrote about the care she had for Ann, and vice versa.

When chapters focused on Masky or Hoodie, I wrote about them sending mental images to one another. Coordinating their movements, relaying plans. Bantering back and forth. When Jeff and Smile were the focus, it made it clear that a Bond is not exclusive to Proxys. All of these things show your reader what a Bond is, what its purpose is, and who experiences them.

As for how they work exactly, well, it's a bit spoiler-y, but I can say that they're very similar to how Illithid parasites in BG3 mentally connect people; only that one, it's usually only between two Shades or Proxys, and two, it's completely consensual. No accidental peeks into one another's mind.

Of course, I've left some stuff out still, and that'll be explored in Delusion. Crow will, in fact, develop a Bond with someone (or several someones) >:]

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My favourite character to write probably has to be Hoodie. I really liked his character in Marble Hornets (both as Brian and Hoodie), and translating a lot of the behaviours in MH to Delirium was very fun. His ability to travel via shadows is due to the fact that, in MH, Hoodie seems to disappear and reappear just out of sight, traveling much farther and disappearing much quicker than an average human has the ability too. I decided to make him selectively mute due to it being a popular headcanon, and already had an interest in learning ASL. Researching different signs and describing them in writing was challenging, but in a good way. It made me focus on body movements more than dialogue.

I also really liked writing the scenes between Masky, Hoodie, and Toby because they are my little blorbos I squeeze like stress balls and put through Situations. Their banter is top tier.

The hardest to write was probably... Cathy, to be honest. She started out as an analogue to someone I once knew, but a lot of details and dialogue had to be tweaked over time. Mainly because doing a 1:1 of a real life person is cringe, but also because she became much more extreme than this person ever was. Some of the events in Delirium that she was a part of actually happened in real life to me, but a lot of it was also written in to 'round out' her character. Cathy is perhaps the weakest link in Delirium, a flat antagonistic tetragonist who only exists to spur the MC on in some ways and is ultimately discarded. More of a plot device than a person.

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Such an important question there at the end. I'm just going to repeat it below, due to the fact that this has gotten quite long.

i loved how everyone seems to care for eachother as "family"! ... does slenderman share the same sentiments about them? or does he just care about them since they feed him (lol)?

The members of a flock care for each other to an extent, due to the fact that they're herded together. Disagreements may occur, but when a hierarchy is made, it is maintained.

The shepherd of a flock is not affected by their flocks disagreements, or their emotions. They care for their flocks health because it keeps the wool growing. In fact, the shepherd can never understand the plights of their flock. There are fundamental cognitive and biological differences that set them permanently apart.

They aren't even the same species, after all.