#thank god i could hug shadowheart and karlach and gale at least

[mysticalalleycat]

Hey Larian why can't I hug Jahira in the epilogue??????

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 4

A faint yet loud voice outside the front door can be heard, and I begin to think: there’s no way they’re here already?! The sooner the better I suppose! Gale and I press our ears to the door, wondering if it’s who we think it is. The voice is rather familiar; too familiar, in fact.

“You mean to tell me there’s not anywhere to buy Whizbangs in Waterdeep? COME ON!!” Ah, yes. Karlach. Karlach is our funny, enthusiastic Tiefling friend who had an engine for a heart. She was also on the nautiloid and infected with one of those parasites within the ocular region. Her story is that she was basically sold to Avernus – or, Hell – by someone she once trusted. His name was Gortash and he was one of the bastards we had to kill in Baldur’s Gate. His evil political influence and desire to dominate the world was nauseating and unbearable, so we had to do what we had to do. Plus, Karlach got her revenge. He should not have sold her to Hell to serve for an archdevil. She went back to Avernus with Wyll, the Blade of Avernus, so they could fight together and keep her alive. Her engine would not allow her to live much outside of the Hells.

Gale opens the door and there stands three of our loyal, badass friends on the castle porch: Shadowheart, Karlach, and Wyll. It appears Liezel is still in the Astral Planes, and who knows what happened to Astarion, Halsin, and Jaheira? I start to wonder what happened to our other loving friends who started new lives elsewhere.

“Holy shit! It’s Gale! Wait, is that Emmy behind you?! How’d you know we were here?” Karlach says enthusiastically, looking as if she’s ready to punch an object out of pure excitement.

“Well, you do know we’re married, do you not?” Gale asks her with a smirk painted upon his face. I can’t help but laugh at his remark, because she was at our wedding. “Besides, we knew you were here because there’s only one person – er, tiefling – we know that gets this excited about whizbangs.”

“Damn pal. You got me.”

“Karlach and I found a forge in Avernus to fix her heart. We’re so excited to adventure with you guys again, as long as no ‘Chosen Three’ or ‘elder brain’ gets involved again,” Wyll says, wrapping his arm around Karlach’s waist. I smile, wishing I could jump up and down in ecstasy from this news, though I’m dead set on the idea that I’ll vomit everywhere. I already feel a knot curl up within my stomach.

“Karlach! That’s…amazing news. Can I hug you?” I ask her, trying to maintain my excitement.

“Of course, soldier!” I hug Karlach, feeling her strong arms embrace me in return for over a minute. No flames are rising from her body anymore, nor does she even feel hot. She’s considered my best friend and I’m more than thrilled that she’s going to be okay outside of Avernus, but more relieved she no longer has to suffer. I am more than thankful we saved her life in time when she was about to explode from her old engine. I can’t imagine missing Karlach and begging for her to be alive.

“I have arrived! Oh, it’s so good to see everyone again. Well, most of you. I imagine we’ll bump into Astarion on the road, should he be able to find us in the darkness,” Shadowheart chimes in enthusiastically, her white hair shimmering in the sunlight. . I hug her as well, and she immediately begins to feel the heat of my skin from the fever. “You really aren’t feeling great, are you? You are burning up. Let’s leave as quickly as possible.”

“I have dealt with being poisoned, burned, frozen… I really think I’ll be okay,” I say. Now that I think about it, it’s wild. Everyone is so concerned about me, considering I have dealt with much worse in the past, nearly meeting my death bed on multiple occasions. Then again, we just need confirmation this isn’t the tadpole again at least. Gale takes my hand, holding it gently and rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. Judging by the look on his face, it looks like he is praying to some Goddess or God silently.

“I’ve prayed to Sêlune. I bet it’s just a bug, but let’s go just in case,” Shadowheart responds, giving off a fake smile. “You never know what this could turn into.” Her and I grew very close on our adventures, to the point she’s gotten super protective over me. I was with her when her parents passed. She once told me I am the only person she has left, and ever since those words escaped her lips, I’ve considered her family to me. I can’t imagine how it’s been for her, traveling alone and discovering the world without a companion by her side. I’m sure it gets rather lonely.

“Well, we probably should leave now. The quicker we leave, the better,” I say. “Don’t worry, I set out enough food for Tara to indulge in while we’re gone.”

“Good news on that front, Tara knows how to pluck vegetables from the garden, so she’ll be okay regardless,” Gale says. “Off we go.”

I close the door behind us and we head on the road in Waterdeep that leads to Baldur’s Gate, though it will be awhile before we actually get there. The fresh air outside seems to make me feel more refreshed than before somehow. The beautiful petunias growing on the side of the road, the large yet beautiful pieces of architecture in the city, such as museums and the Academy, and of course the cute little markets where people are making a living… It’s all so pleasing to the eye.

“So, how have you guys been?” I ask Karlach. “I see you and Wyll are together at last! I knew it would happen someday.”

“You are correct! We’re engaged, actually. No set date for the wedding. Wyll proposed to me in Avernus right after slaying the head off of a giant. Nothing more romantic than that.”

“I was going to have it be a traditional engagement, but alas this was before we could fix her engine, so I had to do it in Avernus. I didn’t want to wait,” Wyll says with animation in his voice, almost like how Karlach sounds every time she talks. It actually makes me so happy they ended up together. It’s funny how they were once enemies, threatening to murder one another, and now they’re engaged to be married. They grow up so fast.

“Well, congrats you two!”

“Don’t worry, Emmy. You’re definitely invited to the wedding. You too, Gale and Shadowheart. Don’t think we’d leave you out either.”

“Thank you, Wyll. That’s appreciated,” Shadowheart says. “Ah, I love weddings. I’m so glad I was able to be the maid of honor at Emmy and Gale’s wedding, it was absolutely stunning. I’d relive that day if I could.”

“Oh trust me, so could I,” Gale says, holding my hand within his as we walk the quiet roads of Waterdeep. It feels nice to catch up with my friends that I haven’t seen since the reunion party five – or maybe six – months ago. It feels much longer than that.

Another sudden wave of severe nausea hits me like a freight train, causing me to stop walking for a moment. This time, it’s gut-wrenching and nearly painful, possibly the worst it’s been in awhile.

“Whoa, is everything alright?” Gale asks, rubbing my back as I’m hunched over. “It’s okay. Do what you need to do.”

“Whatever is causing you to feel this way, I’m going to punch it in the fucking head,” Karlach says. “Unless it’s a baby. I would expect this if you came across Cloudkill or something atrocious like that. Have you been around any disgusting spells like that recently?” My eyes, as well as Gale’s, open up in pure shock. “Wait, did I say anything wrong? Whoops.”

“Not at all,” I mumble. “I think it’s a stomach bug, but…much worse.”

“I feel like a failure. I’ve failed you. I’m a wizard who has studied the arcane since I was young, yet I can’t heal or cure you whatsoever,” Gale says, sighing as he continues to rub my back. “I’m so sorry.”

“That’s just the thing,” Shadowheart chimes in. “Magic may not be able to help her at all. At least not this time.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to fight off the sickness that’s overwhelming my body. So going by Shadowheart's words, magic can only help in certain conditions? I have so much I still need to understand; I should have studied the arcane growing up. However, my natural desire was to help others, cure those in pain, and bring light into the sinister world of darkness. It seems I can’t help myself unfortunately.

“I’ll be okay. I have waves where I feel totally fine, though most of the time I think I’ll throw up. In fact, I have at least six times today.” In Faerȗn, illnesses are surprisingly rare due to the magic and healing spells that cure just about anything. If there is no spell, there’s surely a potion for it. Either way, magic has not been able to cure whatever this atrocity is.

After my insane episode of sickness, I finally feel a little better after about twenty minutes and we continue forward on our adventure. The scent of spearmint in the wild somewhere relieves me, and I feel somewhat normal again – thank the stars.

“So Shadowheart, how have you been?” Gale asks. “I’m sure it’s been a wild ride exploring the depths of every mountain, city, and forest you can possibly imagine.”

“You know, as much as I enjoy it and find new places to discover… It gets lonely. However, I’m faring quite well. But, good news on that front, I found a place in Waterdeep and moved here a couple days ago. I’ll be slowing down on my adventures for a while,” she says, inhaling the forest air. “I’m glad I will be around some familiar faces.” This just made my entire day, knowing Shadowheart lives close to us and I’ll have someone to hang out with while Gale is teaching at the Academy. Finally, adult interaction!

As we all continue to walk the long and familiar dirt path to Baldur’s Gate, I notice glossy splotches of newly shed blood on some large rocks just a few feet away from us, remembering all the lives I took. Granted, they were well deserved, but nonetheless it affects me sometimes. Just because they were warranted doesn’t mean I’m not affected. Someone or something just got murdered here within the last hour or two. I sigh, trying not to focus too hard on the blood splatters around us. After a moment, I began to smile, realizing how many lives we ended up saving and that we were the heroes of Baldur’s Gate. We still are. All of the violence toward the evil beings was worth it, though I do question myself every now and again.

“Are you alright, baby?” Gale asks. His voice is so soft like a lullaby. If only it were a cure for my unfortunate illness.

“Yes, I’m more than alright.” Part of me is so excited to get to the city. Maybe I’ll see some familiar faces, and hopefully I’ll get the answers I’m looking for.

[astarionancuninslittlelove]

I asked for some prompts and got some responses, so this is one from @mrman24 who suggested a Trans/nb Tav wholesome coming out moment!

I would like to thank him for the inspiration and insight on this! 💖

Read on below:

Perfect, Every Time

These past few weeks running around the wilderness and “killing baddies” as Karlach liked to say, had been good for me—really good for me. For one of the first times in my life, I just felt like me. I hadn’t really thought of people’s perception of me for those few weeks. We were focused on our quests and on survival. Everyone at camp began to build bonds with each other, and it was heartwarming to see. It first began with impressing each other in combat or in strategy, but as the nights passed on campfire after campfire, we learned more about each other, and there was something I had to say, but I couldn’t find the words or the courage to do it. So I kept my mind on the quests and the survival—at least I tried to.

When we made it to Sharess’ Caress, Astarion had the idea that we should all book rooms for no other reason than to finally sleep in beds. Oh gods, how we missed beds. We had been sleeping on bedrolls on the cold ground for what felt like an eternity now. The owner looked at us very oddly when we mentioned that we only wanted the rooms and not the extra…services the rooms came with. But the look of confusion turned to glee when she saw the pouch of gold hit the counter.

Astarion, Wyll, Karlach, and I stayed in one of the rooms whilst Gale, Minsc, Jaheira, and Shadowheart stayed in another room. Halsin preferred to be back at camp in the great outdoors. There was only one bed in each of the rooms, that we would have to fight over or all cram into, but we didn’t care honestly. We were just excited to be indoors.

While I was getting ready for bed, I gazed upon my reflection for the first time in weeks, and my heart had immediately sunk. Who I saw in the mirror was not who I felt like. I saw breasts, long hair, and curves where I did not want them. I looked in the mirror and wept silently.

Astarion crept up behind me and nearly gave me a heart attack.

“Why are you crying, little pup?” He asked gently.

“I just—,” I stopped myself, “It’s hard to explain.”

“I know I’m not the brightest…but I can try to keep up?” He chuckled to himself.

“How I look is not really how I feel,” I began.

He stayed silent.

“I feel masculine, but I look feminine and get addressed as such, and it kills me,” I said.

“How would you like to be addressed?” Astarion asked genuinely. I had never heard him talk so softly and sweetly. Normally with him, there was always a punch line just around the corner, but none came.

I was stunned for a moment. No one had ever asked me that before. It felt simultaneously exhilarating mixed with the potential of swallowing me whole. I didn’t know where to begin.

“I…” I said, formulating my response, trying to articulate my thoughts as I felt a sob tear through my throat, “Want to be addressed as he/him. I am a trans male, and I always have been,” I said, exhaling feeling like I could pass out. The words left my lips and they didn’t feel real. It was something that I had always felt inside, now hung in the air with my words. I felt free as well as absolutely petrified.

“Okay,” He said, smiling, “I can do that.”

“You can?” I asked, biting back the tears.

“Well, but of course. It is no problem,” He said lowly, almost in a whisper as he came over to wrap me in his arms.

He wrapped himself tightly around me as tears after tear leaked from my eyes. It felt like they would never stop. There was only one other person on this planet in that moment that had known what I was keeping inside, and I was glad it was Astarion. His embrace and his acceptance felt more beautiful than I could ever begin to describe. He soothed the fear, rejection, and insecurity out of me in that hug.

It wouldn’t be the last time that I felt those feelings again, but it felt like it by the way he held me tenderly.

I calmed down and looked into his eyes, now fully as who I was, “Thank you.”

“Would you like me to stand with you while you tell the others? Or would you like to take your time with this?” He asked.

Ugh. I didn’t even think about the others. I was going to have to do this potentially every day for the rest of my life—coming out.

But Astarion’s response warmed my heart, and I felt the gusto to keep going. Our companions were all friendly and understanding, but it would feel much better having Astarion by my side. It was still mortifying.

“Yes, I would like that.”

“Before you tell them, do you have another name you’d like to be called?” Astarion asked.

“I like Tav still,” I said, “Thank you for asking.”

I began to walk out of the bathroom, as he grabbed my arm.

“Wait,” He said, getting serious again.

“What?”

“I want you to know that this doesn’t….scare me off,” He said.

“I know, and I am glad for that,” I said.

“No, I mean yes, that way, but I mean… physically. This doesn’t change the way that I look at you. You are still…perfect every time. And you will continue to be for me…if you would still like to be with me,” He stumbled over his words.

“Oh,” I said, smiling happily.

“Well?!” He asked, his voice getting panicky.

“Yes, of course I would still like to be with you. If anything, I feel our bond deepening even more now,” I said, kissing him.

“That’s my good little pet,” He said cheekily.

I rolled my eyes, and my cheeks flushed.

As I told our other companions that were staying in the room with us, their responses were similarly as heartwarming and supportive.

“Soldier! I cannot tell you how proud I am of you!” Karlach exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. She had been big on hugging ever since Dammon helped her, but it was nice either way.

Wyll said, “I am relieved that you trust us enough to tell us something like that. We have your back regardless, always.”

I felt like I was levitating above my body or living in a dream as this all was happening. It didn’t feel real…to finally feel so free. The people I cared most about in the world accepted me. I knew that wasn’t going to be the case with every person, but it didn’t matter to me right about then. All that mattered was them. They welcomed me and loved me no matter who I was, and there’s peace in that.

After the night died down, and we were getting ready to sleep, Astarion said, “I have something to ask you.”

“What?” I asked.

“Can I PLEASE help you pick out a new wardrobe? Or wait, maybe I can put something together for you. You do know that I have the best taste out of everyone here, after all.”

I smiled brightly, “Sure, I’d like that.”

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - A Baldur’s Gate Fanfiction

Chapter 4

A faint yet loud voice outside the front door can be heard, and I begin to think: there’s no way they’re here already?! The sooner the better I suppose! Gale and I press our ears to the door, wondering if it’s who we think it is. The voice is rather familiar; too familiar, in fact.

“You mean to tell me there’s not a Whizbangs in Waterdeep? COME ON!!” Ah, yes. Karlach. Karlach is our funny, enthusiastic Tiefling friend who had an engine for a heart. She was also on the nautiloid and infected with one of those parasites within the ocular region. Her story is that she was basically sold to Avernus – or, Hell – by someone she once trusted. His name was Gortash and he was one of the bastards we had to kill in Baldur’s Gate. His evil political influence and desire to dominate the world was nauseating and unbearable, so we had to do what we had to do. Plus, Karlach got her revenge. He should not have sold her to Hell to serve for an archdevil. She went back to Avernus with Wyll, the Blade of Avernus, so they can fight together and keep her alive. Her engine would not allow her to live much outside of the Hells.

Gale opens the door and there stands three of our loyal, badass friends on the castle porch: Shadowheart, Karlach, and Wyll. It appears Lae’zel is still in the Astral Planes, and who knows what happened to Astarion, Halsin, and Jaheira? I start to wonder what happened to our other loving friends who started new lives elsewhere.

“Holy shit! It’s Gale! Wait, is that Emmy behind you?! How’d you know we were here?” Karlach says enthusiastically, looking as if she’s ready to punch an object out of pure excitement.

“Well, you do know we’re married, do you not?” Gale asks her with a smirk painted upon his face. I can’t help but laugh at his remark, because she was at our wedding. “Besides, we knew you were here because there’s only one person – er, tiefling – we know that gets this excited about Whizbangs.”

“Damn pal. You got me.”

“Karlach and I found a forge in Avernus to fix her heart. We’re so excited to adventure with you guys again, as long as no ‘Chosen Three’ or ‘elder brain’ gets involved again,” Wyll says, wrapping his arm around Karlach’s waist. I smile, wishing I could jump up and down in ecstasy from this news, though I’m dead set on the idea that I’ll vomit everywhere. I already feel a knot curl up within my stomach.

“Karlach! That’s…amazing news. Can I hug you?” I ask her, trying to maintain my excitement.

“Of course, soldier!” I hug Karlach, feeling her strong arms embrace me in return for over a minute. No flames are rising from her body anymore, nor does she even feel hot. She’s considered my best friend and I’m more than thrilled that she’s going to be okay outside of Avernus, but more relieved she no longer has to suffer. I am more than thankful we saved her life in time when she was about to explode from her old engine. I can’t imagine missing Karlach and begging for her to be alive.

“I have arrived! Oh, it’s so good to see everyone again. Well, most of you. I imagine we’ll bump into Astarion on the road, should he be able to find us in the darkness,” Shadowheart says. I hug her as well, and she immediately begins to feel the heat of my skin from the fever. “You really aren’t feeling great, are you? You are burning up. Let’s leave as quickly as possible.”

“I have dealt with being poisoned, burned, frozen… I really think I’ll be okay,” I say. Now that I think about it, it’s wild. Everyone is so concerned about me, considering I have dealt with much worse in the past, nearly meeting my death bed on multiple occasions. Then again, we just need confirmation this isn’t the tadpole again at least. Gale takes my hand, holding it gently and rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. Judging by the look on his face, it looks like he is praying to some Goddess or God silently.

“I’ve prayed to Sêlune. I bet it’s just a bug, but let’s go just in case,” Shadowheart responds, giving off a fake smile. “You never know what this could turn into.” Her and I grew very close on our adventures, to the point she’s gotten super protective over me. I was with her when her parents passed. She once told me I am the only person she has left, and ever since those words escaped her lips, I’ve considered her family to me. I can’t imagine how it’s been for her, traveling alone and discovering the world without a companion by her side. I’m sure it gets rather lonely.

“Well, we probably should leave now. The quicker we leave, the better,” I say. “Don’t worry, I set out enough food for Tara to indulge in while we’re gone.”

“Good news on that front, Tara knows how to pluck vegetables from the garden, so she’ll be okay regardless,” Gale says. “Off we go.”

I close the door behind us and we head on the road in Waterdeep that leads to Baldur’s Gate, though it will be awhile before we actually get there. The fresh air outside seems to make me feel more refreshed than before somehow. The beautiful petunias growing on the side of the road, the large yet beautiful pieces of architecture in the city, such as museums and the Academy, and of course the cute little markets where people are making a living… It’s all so pleasing to the eye.

“So, how have you guys been?” I ask Karlach. “I see you and Wyll are together at last! I knew it would happen someday.”

“You are correct! We’re engaged, actually. No set date for the wedding. Wyll proposed to me in Avernus right after slaying the head off of a giant. Nothing more romantic than that.”

“I was going to have it be a traditional engagement, but alas this was before we could fix her engine, so I had to do it in Avernus. I didn’t want to wait,” Wyll says with animation in his voice, almost like how Karlach sounds every time she talks. It actually makes me so happy they ended up together. It’s funny how they were once enemies, threatening to murder one another, and now they’re engaged to be married. They grow up so fast.

“Well, congrats you two!”

“Don’t worry, Emmy. You’re definitely invited to the wedding. You too, Gale and Shadowheart.”

“Thank you, Wyll. That’s appreciated,” Shadowheart says. “Ah, I love weddings. I’m so glad I was able to be the maid of honor at Emmy and Gale’s wedding, it was absolutely stunning. I’d relive that day if I could.”

“Oh trust me, so could I,” Gale says, holding my hand within his as we walk the quiet roads of Waterdeep. It feels nice to catch up with my friends that I haven’t seen since the reunion party five – or maybe six – months ago. It feels much longer than that.

Another sudden wave of severe nausea hits me like a freight train, causing me to stop walking for a moment. This time, it’s gut-wrenching and nearly painful, possibly the worst it’s been in awhile.

“Whoa, is everything alright?” Gale asks, rubbing my back as I’m hunched over. “It’s okay. Do what you need to do.”

“Whatever is causing you to feel this way, I’m going to punch it in the fucking head,” Karlach says. “I would expect this if you came across Cloudkill or something atrocious like that. Have you been around any disgusting spells like that recently?”

“Not at all,” I mumble. “I think it’s a stomach bug, but…much worse.”

“I feel like a failure. I’ve failed you. I’m a wizard who has studied the arcane since I was young, yet I can’t heal or cure you whatsoever,” Gale says, sighing as he continues to rub my back. “I’m so sorry.”

“That’s just the thing,” Shadowheart chimes in. “Magic may not be able to help her at all. At least not this time.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to fight off the sickness that’s overwhelming my body. So going by Shadowheart's words, magic can only help in certain conditions? I have so much I still need to understand; I should have studied the arcane growing up. However, my natural desire was to help others, cure those in pain, and bring light into the sinister world of darkness. It seems I can’t help myself unfortunately.

“I’ll be okay. I have waves where I feel totally fine, though most of the time I think I’ll throw up. In fact, I have at least six times today.” In Faerȗn, illnesses are surprisingly rare due to the magic and healing spells that cure just about anything. If there is no spell, there’s surely a potion for it. Either way, magic has not been able to cure whatever this atrocity is.

After my insane episode of sickness, I finally feel a little better after about twenty minutes and we continue forward on our adventure. The scent of spearmint in the wild somewhere relieves me, and I feel somewhat normal again – thank the stars.

“So Shadowheart, how have you been?” Gale asks. “I’m sure it’s been a wild ride exploring the depths of every mountain, city, and forest you can possibly imagine.”

“You know, as much as I enjoy it and find new places to discover… It gets lonely. However, I’m faring quite well. But, good news on that front, I found a place in Waterdeep and moved here a couple days ago. I’ll be slowing down on my adventures for a while,” she says, inhaling the forest air. “I’m glad I will be around some familiar faces.” This just made my entire day, knowing Shadowheart lives close to us and I’ll have someone to hang out with while Gale is teaching at the Academy. Finally, adult interaction!

As we all continue to walk the long and familiar dirt path to Baldur’s Gate, I notice glossy splotches of newly shed blood on some large rocks just a few feet away from us, remembering all the lives I took. Granted, they were well deserved, but nonetheless it affects me sometimes. Just because they were warranted doesn’t mean I’m not affected. Someone or something just got murdered here within the last hour or two. I sigh, trying not to focus too hard on the blood splatters around us. After a moment, I began to smile, realizing how many lives we ended up saving and that we were the heroes of Baldur’s Gate. We still are. All of the violence toward the evil beings was worth it, though I do question myself every now and again.

“Are you alright, baby?” Gale asks. His voice is so soft like a lullaby. If only it were a cure for my unfortunate illness.

“Yes, I’m more than alright.” Part of me is so excited to get to the city. Maybe I’ll see some familiar faces, and hopefully I’ll get the answers I’m looking for.