#than it's not black-white cheating and that's where they make Bad Choices

[emonaculate]

Bad Idea Right?

❥ AU: Modern

❥ Genre: Suggestive

❥ Rating: 18+, not super explicited but definitely not for kids.

❥ Pairing: Gojo x Black!Y/n

❥ Warnings Include: Mentions of cheating, failed situationship, Gojo is annoying and stupidly cocky, Y/n is NOT standing on business, poor choices, even poorer taste in men, complicated relationship, toxic?gojo

❥ Synopsis: Despite finals being around the corner, Y/n cannot bear to stare at one more quizlet set so she needs a good distraction; who better to be that distraction than a failed situationship that just so happens to be dating her roommate?

❥ Author Note: Midterm studying is kicking my ass and I needed to take a break to write something more entertaining than college calculus formulas. Inspired by Bad Idea by Olivia Rodrigo I obviously do not condone cheating but its Gojo.. would you turn him down?

Y/n's eyes strained as she stared at the computer screen, the heat radiating onto her bare thighs after over an hour of hunching forward, her back screaming in protest. Her thick, clear prescription glasses slid down her nose, weakened from countless drops and nights spent rolling onto them in her sleep. As a cramp began to form in her left leg, folded awkwardly in a butterfly position, she finally stood up, deciding it was the perfect moment for a break. With a decisive tap, she switched her phone to "do not disturb." Instantly, the magic barrier lifted; as soon as she turned it off, her phone buzzed to life with a flood of messages from her group chat, her friends eagerly reaching out.

Before Y/n could even skim the messages, a call from her roommate buzzed through, leaving a sour taste in her mouth. To say their relationship wasn’t the best would be an understatement. Y/n felt as if her roommate was dragging out a situation that had long since ended. Having transferred to Jujutsu Tech University for her junior year, Y/n, a foreigner with limited Japanese, had taken it upon herself to enroll in a Japanese elective. That was where she met the source of her current woes: a white-haired biochemist major with mesmerizing starlit sapphire eyes. Gojo had been assigned as her student tutor, intended to create a casual atmosphere for practicing the language. The plan worked a little too well. Y/n might have needed glasses to see clearly, but she wasn’t blind. Gojo was the most stunning man she had ever encountered. Clad in an oversized university sweatshirt, a black collared shirt peeking from underneath, and baby blue Converse laced with a star pattern, he had an effortless charm that was hard to resist. What surprised her even more was his apparent interest in her; perhaps it was her uniqueness that drew him away from the usual crowd of girls who orbited his charisma.

None of that mattered anymore; their fling had barely lasted beyond a few dates, some casual hookups, and hangouts. Y/n had realized she wasn’t ready for a relationship with a man who seemed overly friendly with other women. At this stage in her life, she didn’t want to waste energy trying to make someone act right. After all, their connection had been mostly about mind-blowing sex and friendship—so what difference did it make if she suddenly put an end to the physical side? Gojo could certainly find someone else to satisfy him. Despite being the one to end things, Y/n was confident it was for the best. So, imagine her surprise when her roommate came home one day, bubbling with excitement about a date with Gojo Satoru. Trying to be mature and avoid any drama, Y/n attempted to downplay her past with him. She casually mentioned it, hoping to prevent any misunderstandings. Sara took it well at first, only seeming bummed out that having Gojo Satoru wasnt a special prize that was only obtained by the few. However Sara changed once she realized how deeply the two had been involved and were still close. Y/n still remembered the feeling of being slapped awake after falling asleep studing at their shared kitchen area.

To sum up that altercation and not bring too much attention to the police report that might have been written up; Y/n simply did not like her roommate. The only reason they still lived together was that Y/n refused to let anyone drive her out of her own home, and breaking the lease would be too costly. Chewing on her bottom lip, Y/n let her phone ring for a comically long time before finally answering.

"Hey, Sara."

"Y/n. Have you heard from Satoru?" Sara's voice came through blunt and unwelcoming.

"Not since the last time I hung out with him, which was months ago," Y/n replied, matching Sara's tone.

She couldn’t help but feel a twinge of satisfaction in reminding her roommate of their agreement: that Y/n would back off and let Sara and Gojo’s relationship develop in a respectful manner. The silence that followed was thick with tension, and Y/n could almost feel the wheels turning in Sara's mind.

"If he comes by tell him to call me… please" A hint of desperation was heard in Sara's voice as she quickly ended the phone call, leaving Y/n to feel confused and almost sorry for the girl.

Y/n held her phone for a moment, contemplating before dialing a number without thinking. The smile that spread across her face when he answered wasn’t from happiness—it was just a reflex.

“Hey, Pretty.” His teasing voice came through coolly, the background loud and rowdy; he was undoubtedly with his friends.

“Stop with the pet names, fool. Sara is looking for you.”

“I know. I’m avoiding her on purpose,” he replied, a smirk evident in his tone.

“But how can I help you?”

Y/n rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t suppress a grin. “Just thought you should know she’s been asking about you. Sounds like she’s really into this whole dating thing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just not ready for all that right now,” he said, laughter bubbling beneath his words.

“What about you? How’s life treating you?”

“Complicated,” she admitted, her voice playful. “But at least I don’t have to deal with clingy roommates.”

“Hey, I’m not clingy! I’m just a good listener,” he shot back. “And a fantastic tutor, if I remember correctly.”

“Please, the only thing you taught me was how to get distracted,” Y/n teased, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you enjoyed those study sessions a little too much.”

“Guilty as charged,” he replied, his voice dropping to a mock-serious tone. “But can you blame me? You make studying way more fun.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” she said, though the smile was unmistakable in her voice.

“Challenge accepted. But just so you know, I’m up for it,” Gojo said, a hint of mischief in his tone. “So, when are we having our next ‘study session’?”

“Only if you promise to keep your hands to yourself this time,” she shot back, laughing.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he countered, and Y/n felt a flutter of excitement.

That was the danger of being around Satoru—he was as addicting as he was handsome. His charm knew no bounds, and Y/n felt like a snake entranced by a snake charmer; Gojo's voice could persuade her to do just about anything. The way he spoke to her, with that playful confidence, always made her heart race. It was exactly that kind of charm that had led her to make some reckless decisions. She couldn’t help but remember the night they’d jumped off a waterfall together. He had dared her, coaxing her with that irresistible grin, and for some stupid reason, she had said yes.

"Y/n, come on! It’ll be fun!” he had insisted, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief. “What’s life without a little thrill?”

She could still feel the rush of adrenaline, the cold water shocking her system as they plunged into the darkness. But that moment had left her with more than just memories; it had left her with a permanent scar on her ribcage, a reminder of her reckless leap into the unknown. As they chatted, she felt the familiar pull again—the urge to throw caution to the wind and dive headfirst into whatever crazy adventure he proposed next. But she also knew the risks. With Gojo, it was always a fine line between exhilaration and chaos, and she wasn’t sure how much more of either she could handle.

“Yeah, not this time, 'Toru. Sara might put Nair in my shampoo bottle if she caught you hanging out with me.” They shared a laugh, both fully aware that Sara would absolutely consider it—and Y/n couldn’t help but think it would be entirely warranted.

“Yeah, she would definitely try to mess you up, pretty,” Gojo mused, the background noise fading away. He must have stepped away from the crowd to focus on her.

Y/n felt a twinge of guilt at the way his pet name sent a flutter through her. It was sweet, but it also felt wrong. She knew Sara could be overbearing and a bit controlling, but if the roles were reversed, Y/n wouldn’t like it if the guy she was dating—or whatever this situation with Sara and Gojo was—talked to another girl the way he was talking to her. After all, that was precisely why she had stepped back from Gojo months ago.

“Look, I don’t want to cause any drama,” she said, trying to keep her tone light but serious.

“I just think it’s best if you focus on your new thing with Sara. I don’t want to complicate anything.”

“Complication? Nah, we’re just friends, right?” he replied, but there was a hint of playfulness in his voice that made her heart race.

“Besides, it’s not my fault if you’re so easy to talk to.”

“Easy to talk to? Or easy to flirt with?” Y/n shot back, trying to keep it playful despite the underlying tension.

“Both,” he said, his voice lowering to a conspiratorial whisper. “But I promise, if things get messy, I’ll handle it. Just don’t shut me out completely, Y/n.”

Y/n hesitated, caught between wanting to keep her distance and the undeniable chemistry that sparked whenever they spoke. Shit, her resolve was cracking fast.

"Goodbye, Gojo." Just as she moved to hang up, his voice cut through the speaker. The usual playfulness was replaced with a gentler tone, almost a whisper as if he were afraid that speaking any louder would scare her away.

"Come see me, since I can't come to you. I’ll help you study for your economics exam. I know you hate studying alone, and the graphs confuse you. Just come, please…"

His plea hung in the air, and Y/n felt her heart race. It was hard to resist his charm when he sounded so sincere, and the thought of studying together brought back memories of their late-night sessions filled with laughter—and a little more.

“Gojo…” she started, feeling the familiar pull of temptation. “You know this is complicated.”

“I know, but it doesn’t have to be. Just a study session. Nothing more,” he said quickly, his tone earnest. “I promise I’ll keep it strictly academic. I just want to help.”

Y/n bit her lip, torn. Part of her wanted to say no, to protect herself and the boundaries she had set. But another part craved the connection, the familiarity of being around him again.

“Okay, but just studying,” she finally replied, unable to hide the hint of a smile.

“Great! I’ll even prepare snacks,” he replied, the playful edge returning to his voice. "Just don’t blame me if you end up distracted.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you soon, Satoru.” As she hung up, Y/n couldn’t shake the feeling that she was stepping into dangerous territory, but a thrill coursed through her at the thought of seeing him again.

Y/n applied lip gloss in the Uber, a little gift from Gojo, and wondered if she should have opted for something else. She had chosen a casual look to keep things laid-back: a black wife beater, gray sweatpants, and a pair of slides. Comfort was her priority, but a part of her felt a twinge of doubt about her appearance. She had decided to wear her glasses instead of her contacts, and her mini twists were pulled into a ponytail, with a few stubborn pieces escaping to frame her face. To top it off, she doused herself in mocha vanilla perfume and slathered on shea butter, reasoning that she didn’t want to smell bad after spending hours studying in her room. Never mind that she’d already taken a shower and done a deep scrub—she wanted to feel fresh for the occasion. As the car pulled up to Gojo's place, she felt a mix of excitement and nerves. Would he notice her effort, however casual it was? Or would he tease her for being overdressed for a study session? The thought made her smile. Taking a deep breath, Y/n stepped out of the car and smoothed her outfit, reminding herself to keep it cool and casual—just like they had agreed.

But as she walked toward the apartment complex entrance door, she couldn't shake the feeling that today might be anything but ordinary. She smiled at the staff who greeted her at the front desk while signing in, then headed up to that familiar room number, 1025. Standing outside the door, she balanced her tote bag—filled with her laptop, notebook, and pens—in one hand while she knocked with the other. After a few moments, the door swung open, and there he was in all his perfection. Gojo’s white hair glistened with moisture, droplets trickling down from his locks; he must have just finished showering. A black muscle t-shirt clung to his chest, accentuating his toned physique, while oversized red basketball shorts hung loosely on his hips.

“You could have told me you were here, and I would have met you downstairs,” he scolded playfully, stepping aside to let Y/n in. As she entered, Y/n remembered another thing she had overlooked about Satoru: the fact that he was absolutely loaded. He could easily afford to pay rent without a roommate, which meant he often enjoyed his solitude. Sure, his friends loved to hang out at his place, but when he wanted alone time, he had it. It completely slipped Y/n’s mind that the two of them would be entirely alone.

“Uh, hey,” she said, trying to play it cool despite the sudden flutter in her stomach.

“Don't be weird. Make yourself comfortable,” he said, gesturing to the spacious living area. The room was adorned with an eclectic mix of furniture and decor that reflected his laid-back style.

“I was just about to grab a snack. Want anything?”

Y/n shook her head, still trying to absorb the atmosphere. “I’m good, just here to study.”

“Sure, sure. But you know, studying is more fun with snacks.” He flashed that trademark grin that always made her heart skip a beat.

“Is that your way of saying you plan to distract me?” she teased, settling into a nearby chair.

“Maybe,” he replied with a wink, leaning casually against the door frame.

“But you know you love it.” Y/n couldn’t help but smile back, feeling the weight of tension ease just a bit. This was going to be interesting.

Y/n settled into the plush chair, her laptop open in front of her as Gojo moved to sit on the edge of the coffee table, facing her. He spread out her notes and textbooks, a mix of graphs and theories that had been driving her nuts for weeks.

“Alright, let’s tackle this economics stuff,” he said, his tone upbeat. “What’s tripping you up the most?”

Y/n sighed, glancing at the graphs. “Honestly? All of it. I just don’t get how demand curves work. It’s like trying to read hieroglyphics.”

Gojo leaned in closer, his proximity making her heart race. “Here, let me show you.” He pointed at one of the graphs, his finger tracing the line as he explained. “So, this curve represents how much of a product consumers are willing to buy at different prices. Think of it like… a date with me. The more fun I am, the more you want to be around, right?”

Y/n couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head. “That’s a terrible analogy, Gojo. You’re just trying to distract me.”

“Maybe a little,” he admitted, a playful glint in his eyes. “But seriously, if the price goes up, people want less. Just like if I started charging for my charming company.”

“Right,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You’d be broke in a week.”

“True, true,” he replied, leaning back and crossing his arms behind his head. “But just think about it. If I offered you a discount for an extra hour of my time, would you take it?”

“Stop,” Y/n laughed, trying to refocus. “Let’s stick to the graphs.”

“Fine, fine. But you have to admit, I’m making this way more interesting,” he said, giving her a teasing smile.

Y/n leaned closer to her laptop, but the tension was palpable.

“Okay, okay. What about this next graph?”

As Gojo started explaining again, Y/n found her gaze drifting to him—how the light caught the contours of his face, how animated he was as he spoke. The more he talked, the more her focus wavered.

“Y/n?” he said suddenly, pulling her back to the moment. “You still with me?”

“Yeah, of course!” she replied, though her cheeks felt warm.

“I’m just… trying to absorb the genius here.”

“Genius, huh?” he grinned, clearly pleased. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

“Just stating the obvious,” she shot back, but her smile betrayed her.

He leaned in closer again, the playful banter turning more intimate. “You know, if you’re really struggling, we could take a break. I’m great at helping with… other types of studies.”

“Other types?” she echoed, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice dropping to a playful whisper. “You know, like finding out what makes you tick. What you really want.”

Y/n’s heart raced, and she felt the warmth spread across her cheeks. “Gojo, we’re supposed to be studying!”

“Studying can wait,” he said, his gaze locked onto hers, the air thick with unspoken tension. “Right now, I just want to know more about you.”

Before she could respond, Gojo leaned in closer, the air between them crackling with an electric tension that made studying economics feel like a distant memory. Y/n felt her eyes flutter shut, anticipation swirling within her. She had spent months trying to ignore the undeniable pull between them, but now, with him so close, she realized there was no way they could remain just friends given their history.

“Y/n,” he murmured, his voice low and wanting, sending a shiver down her spine. There was a flicker of something deeper in his gaze, a longing that mirrored her own.

“ 'Toru,” she replied, her voice barely more than a whisper, caught between curiosity and an ache she couldn’t deny. She wanted to unravel the mystery of his feelings, to understand what lay beneath that confident exterior.

“Do you really think we can pretend this isn’t happening?” His smirk was playful, yet his eyes held a vulnerability that drew her in. The warmth radiating from him enveloped her, urging her closer.

Y/n’s heart raced, torn between fear and exhilaration. “I—” But before she could finish, Gojo closed the distance, capturing her lips in a kiss that felt like a revelation.

It started soft and tentative, but quickly deepened into something fervent, as if they were both trying to bridge the gap of all those unspoken months. Y/n's hands made their way to his white locks and Satoru couldnt get enough of how addictive her lips and soft whimpers were. In that moment, everything else faded—the textbooks, the pressures, the uncertainty. It was just them, and Y/n felt alive for the first time in what felt like ages. When they finally pulled apart, breathless, Gojo’s playful grin returned, but it was laced with something more lustful.

“So… friends, huh?” he teased, raising an eyebrow. But Y/n could see the truth behind his words. They were no longer just friends; they had crossed a line, and there was no going back. Not now. Not after this.

"Friends." Y/n echoed, her voice unsteady, the word feeling heavy with all that was left unsaid.

"Mm.. Let me show you how good friends take care of one another" Gojo replied, his tone shifting from its usual playfulness to something darker, more condescending.

In a fluid motion, he flipped her to face the couch, the sudden change sending a thrill through her body. Y/n had forgotten that despite her size; Satoru could toss her around as if she were weightless to him. Before Y/n could fully process what was happening; Gojo sank to the floor, positioning himself in between her legs with an ease that took her breath away. Y/n gasped sharply as she felt him pull her sweats down to reveal her ass in cute basic yellow panties.

"Always so pretty for me." He murmured in a trance-like state.

His touch to her bare skin ignited a warm blaze that spread through her body; everywhere he touched felt like it was on fire and nothing would put it out.

" 'Toru..." She mewed breathlessly, arching her back into his touch as she fisted the throw blanket on the couch.

Satoru drank in the sight of the delirious girl as his fingers glided over her bare skin before he made his way back to her ass prepared to peel her now damp panties off and do what he had been deprived of for months. Y/n felt a rush of vulnerability mixed with excitement as she felt Satoru's finger poke at where she needed him most. His touch was both tender and reverent, as if he were discovering something precious.

"Satoru, please." Y/n turned to look back over her shoulder to be met with the sight of a man barely holding onto his sanity.

"First you give me the taste of the best pussy I've ever had. Next, you leave me and cut off my supply. Then, you ignore and avoid me for months. Whatever I do to this pussy... my pussy; its your fault." He smacked her ass harshly, watching the skin jiggly back into place before pulling her underwear down to be met with the sight of her dripping cunt.

"My pretty girl, I know you've missed me. It's not my fault, your mama is stubborn and so damn prideful but I'm gonna fix all that tonight. Daddy will make it all better." He cooed, rubbing a single digit up and down Y/n's sopping wet core.

Y/n bit her lip in anticipation, she hadn't realized that Satoru was actually upset with how she ending things and knowing how petty the man could get; all she could do was be quiet and hope that the time of them being separated was enough to make him skip the teasing get down to what they both needed. His voice brought her out of her thoughts.

"Hey, is this too much? Tell me to stop and I will." He whispered, his voice hoarse from restraint.

Y/n shook her head immediately, breathless and wide-eyed. The fear of crossing the line again evaporated from her mind, eclipsed by the magnetic pull between them. All that mattered to Y/n at the moment was how good Satoru eating her pussy from the back was about to feel and just how much she missed him. Gojo let out a chuckle and connected his mouth to where she needed him most. Each caress and flick of his magical tongue became a promise, a silent acknowledgment of the feelings they both had danced around for too long. Y/n knew what she was doing was wrong but when it feels this good... should it even matter?

[holylulusworld]

Ruined

Summary: She ruined him in any way.

Pairing: TFATW!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Warnings: post-smut, implied smut, angst, cheating, self-loathing, Bucky feels not worth being loved, written in Bucky's PoV

AN: Square filled for Navy and Roo’s slumber party presents bingo @the-slumberparty: Writer's choice - angst

She left me there to rot in my sins and filth. The sheets were still stained with my seed, her juices, and sweat.

A reminder that she was really here with me out of all the guys in this too-crowded city.

My chest still heaves, and I can’t feel my legs as I run my hand over the spot she occupied some hours ago. Now it’s empty, and I feel hollow.

She came over me like a force of nature and broke the walls I built around my heart as if it were nothing.

One day I bumped into her and spilled my coffee over her summer dress. A white dress, making her look like an angel.

Since that godforsaken day, I lost my heart to her little by little. Now it only belongs to her, but she doesn’t belong to me.

No. There is this wonderful guy she always talks about. The man whose face I never want to see. Her heart and body belong to him.

I’m just … I don’t know what I am to her.

To me, she’s my sun, moon, and stars. My whole world.

I only live when she’s around. And when she’s gone, I barely exist.

Maybe I must accept fate. I don’t deserve a woman loving me in my life. Not after I destroyed so many lives.

I sigh and turn around to look out of the window. I still don’t have curtains. The windows are naked, like my body.

I don’t know when she left. Maybe after I slipped out of her one last time? I feel bad for the man she lies to. And I feel bad for myself.

Closing my eyes, I curl into a ball to protect myself from sniffing at the sheets to catch her scent. Goddamn higher senses. I can smell her on me, even if I don’t want to.

If only I was strong enough to stay away from her. But she’s like the right kind of poison running through my veins. She wrecks my system and makes me forget who I really am.

A broken man. A monster. A killer.

The man Steve used to look up to is long gone. I’m an empty shell. Nothing else.

Of course, a woman like her would never want me for more than a night of passion. How could she? I’m not the kind of man you take home and introduce to your parents and friends.

I roll onto my back to stare up at the ceiling. There is no use in thinking about her right now. She’s gone and will spend the next days, weeks, or even months pretending she didn’t screw my brains out last night.

I sigh at the tumult going on in my mind. Restlessness is not a stranger to me.

Maybe I should admit my defeat and just let her go.

The atmosphere changes when I turn to my side. I can feel her before she even steps inside the room.

Confused I watch her enter my bedroom. Well, it’s barely a bedroom. Only a mattress on the ground and a lamp. I don’t even have a nightstand or a wardrobe.

“I got breakfast,” she softly says, looking unsure for the first time since we met. She wears one of my shirts and a pair of shorts. I don’t know where she was hiding the shorts because last night she wore a dress, and her favorite black heels. “Coffee too.”

“Coffee,” I choke out. “That’s…great.”

“I thought we could talk,” Y/N steps toward the mattress to sit next to me. “I-I…” she places the bag filled with delicious-smelling breakfast on the mattress. “I broke things up with him two months ago.”

Inhaling sharply, I jolt up on the mattress, taking her by surprise. She squeals, and giggles as I sit next to her. Still stark naked.

“Uh-good morning to little Bucky too,” her laughter fills my senses, and damn my rotten heart beats faster than it should. “Sir, you should cover yourself.”

“What? I—” I drop my eyes to my lap, and chuckle. She’s not wrong. Little Bucky goes commando every time she’s around. “Sorry.”

“I’m flattered, really,” she grins now. “What do you think? Not about your morning glory but…”

“You broke up with him,” I question, “and never told me so.”

“I was afraid that you would pull away when I’m…available,” Y/N bites her index finger, a habit I learned to love. “He didn’t take it well, but this can’t be helped. It wasn’t right to cheat on him, but I love you. God, I love you so much it hurts not having you close.”

“You should’ve told me you broke up with him. I don’t have much,” I look around my bedroom, sighing deeply. “But all I got is yours.”

She dips her head to look at me. Oh, I know that look. “If you offer your heart and little Bucky to me, I’m game…”

Y/N will end up underneath me for the rest of the day, breakfast and coffee long forgotten.

I still feel guilty for stealing another man’s woman, but the heart wants what it wants…

Part 2

Tags in reblog.

[alex-turners-world]

Alex looks like a ghost of who he once was, it's so sad to see him looking so drained of life especially in his eyes. After seeing Taylor's live it seems apparent now that they had issues brewing in their relationship for awhile before splitting, although there genuinely did seem to be love for one another. I think about that interview with the journalist who asked Alex what he thought of Taylor's fights with the fans; I wonder if he was aware of it and the extent. I could imagine that being confronted with it was humiliating for him and possibly feeling a sense of betrayal, particularly if he wasn't aware. Now, imagine meeting someone like Pauline where you 'think' you've met someone with common interests and perhaps made a genuine connection with only to discover the person you thought you met isn't 'real'. Personally, I think Alex feels remorseful about the cheating, I don't think it was something he was proud of as evidenced in his lyrics and behaviour for example shaving his hair off time period. Whilst Alex certainly has his flaws and made some questionable choices I still think there is a decent and kind person underneath. In regards to Alex's present relationship you could say he made his bed...However, I personally think he's dealing with a slightly deranged individual. I mean none of us know the depths Pauline went to get into his circle in order for their first meeting to have happened but what we do know about her is that she was highly obsessive about him and some of his previous relationships most noticeably Alexa. She's displayed stalker-ish behaviour and as we've all witnessed 'cosplaying' of previous girlfriends again, Alexa evidently being the favourite. We've seen how over time she has made multiple attempts to recreate a new 'identity', being caught out in her lies and manipulation of the truth via her own media. Even before the affair came to the fans attention she was already hinting and teasing about her hooks up with Alex infact, I think it was through her social media activity that fans where able to join the dots to the cheating as well as through Taylors. Pauline has displayed since the beginning a complete lack of respect and remorse towards Taylor even going so far to cosplay her too!! At some point Alex must've seen the 'real' Pauline, perhaps earlier than later but what could he do?! Such a big mess was made. Maybe he wanted to make the best out of a bad situation, try give the mistress and him a real go so it wasn't all for nothing. Clearly, this has led to the 'situationship' we know today. Alex has the upper hand in more ways than one; He makes decisions - she follows, He has the money - she doesn't, What he says/gives goes - she settles for what she can get. Anything to please him enough that she can keep him and this lifestyle from slipping through her fingers. Alex is being used. So is Pauline but for different reasons. Neither are happy, it's plain to see but still Pauline wants it all. I'm of the opinion that getting out of this 'situationship' is not so black and white. I have at times thought to myself, perhaps Alex thinks he deserves this; That it could be a way of self sabotaging. It can be debated that Alex doesn't think highly of himself and is deeply insecure (The Bourne Identity) Also, I think Paulines behaviour could be unpredictable and potentially damaging to Alex's reputation. I could imagine she has not seen or received the best of him as a person at times. It wouldn't surprise me if she's quite the manipulator, we already know she's a liar! I do hope if it is something that Alex wants for himself that they will be able to part ways with minimal chaos as possible (unlikely). A separation for them at least seems imminent and even Pauline can't disguise that as hard as she tries. Just my two cents anyways, apologies for rambling on! X

Very well said! I must say it's all very sad

[hannibalzero]

Galactic crusher

Vaderwan

Wip 7/25/24

“Name?”

The woman in an empire uniform asked behind the desk in the west wing of the space port, chewing gum and looking incredibly board.

“Ben, Solo I suppose….I am divorced.” Obi-Wan looked up at the women checking his ticket. Fiddling with the hem of his dark blue poncho.

“It says here you are twenty eight weeks in a humoid pregnancy. Do you have your travel order from the healers?” She asked typing away, looking down at Obi-Wan through her red loftcat eyed styled glasses.

Holding up the slip of paper, Obi-Wan nodded. “Yes, I pose no threat to the Titan ecosystem, I am stable enough to travel.”

She quirked a brow reading the slip and typing in the information number. “You are cleared for space travel, all records clean. Welcome to the galactic cruiser.” She handed Obi-Wan his ticket back along with the documents he had provided. “Enjoy your cruse.” She added.

“Y-yes thank you.” Obi-Wan quickly took his papers back and moved out of the way.

Getting off of Tatooine was top priority, this planet was not safe for children nor himself.

Two newborn healthy children were considered valuable slaves, a nursing mother that birthed two healthy children? Priceless.

Since Obi-Wan was poor and alone, he was considered prey by the slavers. It had taken much of his abilities in the force to gamble and win the cruiser tickets without being noticed, the tickets also came with a good amount of credits for himself to start a new home on Titan.

Obi-Wan slightly felt bad, cheating that merchant down to his undergarments but desperate times called for desperate measures.

A small bag with a change of clothes and his knitting inside, Obi-Wan slung the duffle bag over his shoulders as he went to the boarding area. sitting down in an overstuffed chair, Obi-Wan settled himself for his journey.

Yes getting tickets for a cruise ship wasn’t ideal transportation but it was the best the ex-Jedi could do. not many flights were available off of Tatooine and Obi-Wan had no choice to be picky with.

Since becoming pregnant, the Jedi he had fled the temple with had rejected Obi-Wan.

A complete slap to the face.

Obi-Wan Kenobi had been nothing but a proper Jedi knight. Keeping to the code, taking missions when asked and helped with even the most mundane tasks that was asked of him.

Seeing how Obi-Wan had broken his vows of no attachment.

What attachment? It wasn’t like the children’s father and himself were in any kind of relationship.

This blasphemous sin, revoked Obi-Wan Kenobi of the title of a Jedi knight. Thus shunning him from the small group of survivors.

Forced to fend for himself alone and pregnant on Tatooine.

Essentially a death sentence for himself and his children.

The truth of the matter itself wasn't that black and white. What had happened was simply a matter of the force itself in Obi-Wan’s opinion.

At the end of the Clone Wars, almost seven months ago. Weary, lonely and royaly drunk. The senator of Naboo, in her thanks to the Jedi. Spoiled the Jedi temple in lovely sweet Naboo blue wine.

The duties of a general and the stress of war, finally caught up to Obi-Wan.

There was a celebration for the end of the war, a lively planet wide rager where drinks flowed and people tried their best to forget the horrors they had experienced. Jedi Knights included in this celebration.

Obi-Wan ended up in the arms of one Anakin Skywalker.

The chosen one, the Jedi with no fear, the one to bring balance to the force.

Made love to Obi-Wan Kenobi.

He wasn't even being foolish, that's what Anakin had called it.

Saying such sweet words….

Drinking and dancing, laughing like children and making complete fools of themselves. But the two Jedi had more than earned their foolishness.

What bothered Obi-Wan, was that he himself was sterilized. All Jedi were. An implant in the back of his neck stopped all reproduction processes. the implant itself was functional when he had discovered his pregnancy.

Yet how did he?

Obi-Wan rubbed his large belly, a hard kick brought the stewjoni male out of his thoughts.

Master Skywalker's children were large, strong and demanding on Obi-Wan’s poor body. His chest had swollen to that of a mother's, his belly large and destinded.

Obi-Wan should feel ashamed about the state of his body but, all he felt was love for it. He loved his generous chest, how beautifully his belly proudly hung. Made him feel full of life, full of the force’s blessing.

it had to be a blessing, considering how impossable his current state was.

a chime rang out through the waiting area, signaling that boarding had started.

gathering himself, Obi-Wan with the help of his chair to push himself up onto his feet. only to blink in shock as a blue and white astromech droid lightly helped him stand with an excited chirp.

“…oh…hello there, thank you my friend.” Obi-Wan patted the droids head in thanks.

the droid shook as it beeped out something to Obi-Wan.

“R2-D2, you’ve come to escort me to my room? you are very kind.” Obi-Wan wondered of this was a service of the galactic cruiser to have a droid escort passengers in delicate medical conditions.

well, considering how pregnant Obi-Wan was, he understood the cruise lines worry. but shouldn’t his escort be a midwife droid?

R2-D2 produced a thin metal clamp claw, took Obi-Wan’s hand as carefully as the droid could. Started to walk with Obi-Wan onto the ship.

The Jedi order, was that of self dental. There was no need for more than just enough. Anything more was true vice. Decadence was a sin, luxury beyond them.

Homespun, hand me downs and repairing items was the true Jedi way.

Obi-Wan simply stopped to marvel at the large lobby of the ship. Sleek and modern, glittered impressively clean, everything seemed to glow and well lit.

The passengers are just the same, elegant gowns and robes. Tunics and cloaks. Made of luxury and delicate materials that had not been worn before this day. Such decadence was on proud display.

He held his belly, feeling his shoulders slump again. Trying not to be noticed, Obi-Wan felt out of place and alone. Homely and dirty, he did not belong in a place such as this.

R2 beeped a few times.

“Forgive me, I was simply admiring the lobby.” He apologized to the droid. “Yes, I’m with you again.” Obi-Wan took the droids claw again, more than ready to hide away in his room until the cruise made it to Titan.

Taking the turbo lift, Obi-Wan checked his ticket. The digital ticket seemed to change. Now saying the information was classified.

“What room am I in? I believe it was a simple lower deck room.” He asked R2. “If is a medical room, there is no need. I am stable and doing very well.”

The droid chose to ignore him.

Fantastic.

[anne-ominous]

loved your take on the barb and max dilemma in the fandom!! tysm i felt so validated lol! the internet was making me feel crazy!!

Like I am very clearly a ghoul simp.

I have always loved ghouls since the first time I played New Vegas, and Cooper is obviously my favorite character in the show, but like.

Just the way fandom has glommed on to him makes me so uncomfortable. Like I don't even dislike the Ghoulcy ship, but so much of what I've seen in fanfics so far reminds me of the old bad days in the Harry Potter fandom where you can't just ship characters, you have to DESTROY the the person being pushed as the canon love interest first.

My takes on this are all based on fanfics because I spent a lot of time reading them since I can't write for beans myself, so it bugs me more when I catch trends:

It's a little funny that this bashing is so blatantly done in a setting specifically centered around there being no such thing as black and white, and you're often presented with choices that simply don't have a "good" ending.

But like, the fandom reactions are tripping over themselves to either amplify and fetishize how evil The Ghoul can be or alternatively softboi Cooper tamed in a week by Lucy. Either way, it's a fuckfest all about them.

But for Max, it's all: "hey this kid who lost everything at a young age and was raised in a cult he believed to be his saviors, only to be abused and berated and shown the ugly realities of life in a short span of time just stood back and let this guy (who was gloating about how he was going to get him tortured and executed for 'incompetence' despite being the one to do all the hard work and save his ass) die instead of helping him, despite the fact in the games we reverse-pickpocket live grenades into NPC's pants for a fraction of the shit-talk and disrespect Max was getting, so he's clearly evil and doesn't deserve anything".

And for Barb I have literally seen like two fics that mention her as something other than a glorified plot point, or an accessory to turn Ghoulcy into a 3-way. And I can kind of understand her not being featured as much in present day fics since we don't have the answers as to where she is or what she did during/after the divorce, but nearly every pre-war fic that does have her in the character tags she's an afterthought being actively cheated on for AU Ghoulcy to happen. If she has any characterization in those fics, it's a one-dimensional corporate bitch who is not a good mother to Janey.

I'm sorry, the woman who was willing to sell her soul to keep her family safe and together doesn't care about her daughter as much as Lucy who just popped in as a babysitter or whatever? The literal Deal With The Devil for her family's survival is suddenly doing it all for herself?

Like, duh, she's wrong. We know the spoilers, and that whatever survival Vault-Tec was offering wasn't worth the blood on her hands for supporting them, but that's the whole fucking point? I've seen "burn the world down and kill everyone in my way for my family" types get venerated before in other fandoms, so it's weird why suddenly Barb is deemed uninteresting here.

And I've seen a lot of defensive posts from people about how it's simply a coincidence the OTP is an old white guy and the young white girl, but like, is it also a coincidence that so many of the shippers have suddenly regressed to character-bashing instead of multi-shipping in this specific scenario? That only the OTP get nuance and character studies, and thoughts behind their actions and motivations?

[archangelween]

Since god is a liar, let's go over when she lies.

S1e1

Here is the opening monologue.

Good Omens, being a narrative of certain events occurring in the last 11 years of human history, in strict accordance, as shall be shown, with the Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch.

I don't think Agnes can predict whether people followed her prophecies or not, because the title page of the book says "more complete than ever before published", and we already know there's inconsistencies in s1. Anathema also says "sometimes I fail her", and obviously the book can't change after it's been published. In god's opening monologue, I think there's evidence that god repeats her games until she gets the result she wants--god isn't controlling people like puppets, so it must be that if people screw up her games, she repeats them rather than being dissatisfied. I think that's what the infinity symbols are.

In the shot above, we are seeing a LOT of gray, which is some hedging rather than outright deceit of black. We also see green and a bit of brown. I think that adds up to god not exactly lying about events following the prophecies, but as stated, she makes sure they follow. That's the game, and it's built on that deceit. She wants a certain result and she's not above cheating to get it. She calls this choice, but it's really not--hence the dark storm clouds over the sands of free will turning them dark, to fate; and the fact we know that Eden is cut off from that. God does not play fair. She's claiming things follow in strict accord; from our POV they do, but that's only because she goes back to replay things such that they do, not because they follow by themselves.

Eden is also implied to be the beginning of all humanity, but was it? OR was it just one "civilization" among many others, as Australia and other places went about their business? In the same way god drowned Noah's place with a flood but not everywhere else? We know the dinosaurs existed. Why not Egypt while Eden was happening?

Two demons lurk in the graveyard [...] for a final burst of lurking around dawn.

This is a flat out lie, and it's said in pitch dark. They are not pacing themselves, they are impatient that Crowley is late.

It may help to understand human affairs to know that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.

Also said in mostly pitch dark. From "triumphs" to "good", it's said in the white light of the Bentley's headlights, which are cracked into thirds. So, "triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good" is true in itself as a fragment of a sentence, but taken as a whole isn't. "Fundamentally bad" is said looking at Crowley. This is again false.

It would be nice to think that the nuns had the surplus baby discreetly adopted. That he grew to be a happy, normal child, and, then, grew further to become a normal, fairly contented adult. And perhaps that is what happened. He probably wins prizes for his tropical fish.

Said in an apparently black and white hallway, where baby is in the black portion. This is Greasy Johnson, this is probably Jesus; from the book, I don't know if you'd call him a normal child or happy, but you sure could; he sure was normal until he found out he was Jesus, when he realized he never was normal. This is likely one of those wordplay things: normal means both average and human. "It would be nice to think"--half true, half false, good luck on which is which and how.

S1e2

I think it matters that the opening of this episode flies down from the sky and through a bunch of fog. That fog is no there in s2. That fog seems to end god's bullshit rampant in e1: there are no more outright lies. I wouldn't call the fog a truth serum so much as a strict contract: you can still wiggle within the rules just like Aziraphale does, but it's harder to do.

Among the folk from the next village there was much subsequent debate as to whether this disaster had been sent by God or by Satan.

WAS THERE, GOD???? WAS THERE??? She's saying this to shift blame, implying without outright lying.

Said in a nearly completely blacked out screen. The fire killing the villagers was dark orange and black: god did it.

However, a note found in Agnes’s cottage suggested that any divine or devilish intervention had been materially helped by Agnes’s petticoats, in which she had concealed fifty pounds of gunpowder and thirty pounds of roofing nails

Where did Agnes get her visions, god? Who watched over her family? Why do the prophecies appear in gold, GOD???? Why is there so much GREEN everywhere, hmmm???

The lines about Crowley talking to his plants: not what they seem, because it's about how god herself treated him, but also not outright lies. These are said as the view has a lot of gray/dark.

The Them's expositions are given odd zoom/coloring like the flashbacks in s2. They seem to be gray? Pepper's has a noticeable "reel" sound. The actual flashbacks in s1 to Crowley's and Aziraphale's past are not given any odd coloring.

The lines about "management and training". They're about herself.

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.

I don't know what's wrong with this line, but something is. God is also a man sometimes, notably "father" in the bible, which Jesus uses in the next episode. Satan is also a man who uses "he" according to Crowley. Her chief archangel is a man. I would bet god had men write those witchcraft books just to see what people did, as she started the angelic war just to see what happened.

S1e3

Where is the flaming sword I gave you, Aziraphale, to guard the Gate of Eden?

The implication is that Aziraphale did a bad thing. We know he didn't.

S1e4-e6

Nothing of note for god. The fog shows up again when the Summoner meets Death, whom we see break the fourth wall just like god does and address us, the audience.

[nvghtsignals]

✰ nathaniel "nate" dalton — justice

the basics

full name  :  nathaniel “nate” dalton faceclaim  :  charles michael davis skeleton  :  justice occupation  :  politician and criminal justice attorney gender  :  cis male ( he/him ) sexuality  :  bisexual & biromantic birthday  :  feb 22nd  age  :  thirty-seven

the details

tattoos  :  zero languages  :  english , spanish alcohol use  :  often   cigarettes  :  never   drug use  :  never favorite color  :  emerald green

personality

natal chart  :  pisces sun , capricorn moon , sagittarius rising  moral alignment  :  lawful neutral mbti  :  entj  likes  :  espresso , late nights , exploring the city at nighttime , philosophy , meeting new people , proving a point / spirited debate , old classic films , horseback riding , hiking , camping , reading , winter most likely to …  :  become president 

biography

nathaniel grew up in a very modest home where he and his brother were raised by their single father .  though they did not have much in terms of materialist items , nate’s father worked hard to provide essentials for them .  as a child , he didn’t understand the exhaustion wearing down his dad’s frame each night ; the man was prideful and proud and didn’t want his sons to be concerned for their next meal or feel cheated in life from not having a mother in the picture .  the young boys spent their days mostly outside , imagining grandiose fictitious lives and playing in fields , woods , sneaking onto colorado farms to see with animals , and swimming in the local lake .  it wasn’t until nate was a little bit older and his elder brother fell into a rougher crowd that his worldview began to shift . 

nate’s brother was more than him — more rebellious , more impulsive , more impatient , more loud .  their relationship began to deteriorate , what once resembled a best friendship became a struggle at home and a minefield in town , as nate was known as the kid brother .  his brother collected enemies as he continued through high school and it made their family a target .  one fateful night , they suffered a home invasion and what little of value his father owned and had saved was ripped from them violently .  the thief was never caught or prosecuted .  it was then that nate realized how easily people could break , how starkly different right and wrong were , and that every action by one person held potential to cause damage to another . 

by the time he got to college , nate knew he wanted to study philosophy and law .  he has very strong morals that to him are black and white .  even though he does not always abide by his values or admit to his faults , he know when he’s making inherently bad choices .  after school he became a criminal justice attorney and fought hard on behalf of his clients he truly believed were innocent .  any professional loss his clients suffered sent him reeling in his persona life ; nate truly is a workaholic and his life revolves around his career . 

after gaining notoriety for a high profile case where he won acquittal for a man falsely accused of murder , nate pivoted into politics .  not only is he sharp witted and intelligent , but he can charm a smile onto any stranger .  he now serves as a prominent state attorney and is rumored to be considering a for governor or congress .  nate can be seen on local and national tv news media fairly often . 

generally , nate is impatient and blunt but only because he truly wants people to be their best .  he sees everyone’s potential and gets pissed off when they aren’t trying to achieve it .  nate can come across like an asshole sometimes , but he’s a male politician so he can get away with it - and even be praised for it at times .  man’s got an ego ; let’s be honest .  despite his pubic persona , there is a huge part of nate that is sensitive and genuinely concerned for humanity and the big picture .  he mostly keeps his worries to himself and channels his emotions to fight for what he believes is right .  even if some people question it or don’t see it , he cares deep down . 

olive + angelwoods … 

at college orientation , nate met a girl he liked and started dating her exclusively pretty quickly because he was always a traditional guy who preferred meaningful relationships over hookups or flings .  however , about a year later his girlfriend was away studying abroad and he met olive at a party . olive was stunning , witty , full of life , and nate was immediately in awe of her .  

they became quick friends and over time he showed her his softer side , confiding in olive ways in which he hadn’t with his actual girlfriend .  he was a young guy maturing into adulthood and growing into his actual self , with olive at his side as a “friend” .  at a constant war with his own morals and loyalty to the girlfriend he thought he would marry , nate’s willpower wained and he eventually started hooking up with olive and having an affair .  it was a total secret .  no one knew and everyone thought nate was still madly in love with his girlfriend .  

the connection he had with olive was so complex he barely understood it or what he felt towards her , though he constantly lied to himself and justified it in such backwards ways , believing it was simply physical and nothing more .  he was young , naive , and trying to maintain an illusion of an image he’d built of up himself in both his head and to everyone else .  

if people knew about nate and olive’s affair , he would have seemed like the biggest hypocrite with his judgmental attitude towards others .  nate was the charming , well-known perennial student government guy always fighting for some justice and cause .  he knew that what he was doing was wrong and he hated himself for it , but he found himself going back to olive again and again until her death .  no one knew his secret feelings towards olive and he buried them with her in her grave .  it was terrifying that anyone could ever find out , and he knew it would ruin his entire reputation and , truthfully , his sense of self worth .  

olive’s death made him inconsolable in private .  always doing his best to present a confident front in public , nate never told a soul that he had strong feelings for olive or the way that her death destroyed him .  he mourned in silence , and did his best to console the general student body in his role as student govt president , assuring everyone that the murderer would be brought to justice and planning memorials + fundraisers for olive around town .  olive’s death was a wakeup call to him that his relationship was completely fucked up , and he immediately became distant with his girlfriend and broke up with her within a week or two with little explanation .  the depression that ensued from her death was all consuming for a few months , but everyone who caught glimpses of it assumed it was because of his breakup with his girlfriend . 

[mediaevalmusereads]

Did You Hear About Kitty Carr? By Crystal Smith Paul. Henry Holt and Company, 2023.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction

Series: N/A

Summary: When Kitty Karr Tate, a White icon of the silver screen, dies and bequeaths her multimillion-dollar estate to the St. John sisters, three young, wealthy Black women, it prompts questions. Lots of questions.

A celebrity in her own right, Elise St. John would rather focus on sorting out Kitty’s affairs than deal with the press. But what she discovers in one of Kitty’s journals rocks her world harder than any other brewing scandal could—and between a cheating fiancé and the fallout from a controversial social media post, there are plenty.

The truth behind Kitty's ascent to stardom from her beginnings in the segregated South threatens to expose a web of unexpected family ties, debts owed, and debatable crimes that could, with one pull, unravel the all-American fabric of the St. John sisters and those closest to them.

As Elise digs deeper into Kitty's past, she must also turn the lens upon herself, confronting the gifts and burdens of her own choices and the power that the secrets of the dead hold over the living. Did You Hear About Kitty Karr? is a sprawling page-turner set against the backdrop of the Hollywood machine, an insightful and nuanced look at the inheritances of family, race, and gender—and the choices some women make to break free of them.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: rape, racism (including hate crime/murder/lynching and use of the n-word)

OVERVIEW: I came across this book by chance and, after reading the summary, was intrigued. An Old Hollywood setting? A mysterious inheritance? A discussion of race and fame and family? I was in! Unfortunately, I didn't feel like I could give this book more than 3 stars because a lot of Paul's writing seemed stiff and relied on telling over showing. On top of that, the present-day story just wasn't as interesting as I hoped, so while there were things I liked about this book, it was ultimately a middling read for me.

WRITING: Paul's writing had a number of features that I just personally didn't find enjoyable. For example, the author has a habit of telling rather than showing, which means a lot of emotions are buried under blunt, straightforward exposition. We're told how Kitty is feeling, for example, and we're told that she loves movies and stories growing up; I would have loved to see more scenes where we could experience these emotions along with the character. Related to this is the feeling that Paul over-explains things that the reader can either infer or could have been replaced by a "showing" scene; I just constantly felt like I was expected to absorb a lot of things but never was trusted to interpret them by just reading the story alone.

Also, the dialogue felt a little stiff, which made for some awkward conversations. There are stretches within a scene when characters will have a lot of back and forth, giving the feeling that they are at an interview or playing 20 questions or something. I would have liked these exchanges to be broken up for an enhanced flow.

Related to these points is the fact that Paul tended to use a lot of filter words and phrases, such as "Kitty wondered" or "Kitty wanted." While not "wrong" or "bad," the overuse of these types of phrases made me feel like I was being kept apart from the characters and not invited to feel with them.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows two timelines: in the present, Black actress Elise St. John is dealing with the publicity of inheriting millions of dollars from Kitty Karr, a White actress who gained popularity in the 1950s and 1960s. In the past, we see Kitty's life unfold from her childhood in North Carolina to her eventually move to LA during the Jim Crow/segregation era.

The parts of this story I liked best were moments in Kitty's timeline when Kitty grappled with her racial status. We learn pretty early on that Kitty is a mixed race woman who can pass as white, and she struggles with finding her place in a world where neither the white or black communities will fully embrace her. Kitty's struggles were refreshingly honest and shed a light on a lot of complicated feelings, from wanting to be part of the black community to hating how black lives are made more difficult to feeling guilty for being able to access white privilege. The way Kitty sees Jim Crow as both oppressor and tool was also interesting, and her constant fear of being discovered raised the stakes of her story.

I also liked that Kitty was able to build her own little community of people who passed and that they all offered different perspectives on race and racism. Lillian's jealousy, for example, threw a dark shadow over passing and hinted at some internalized racism. Lucy's story was complex in that she used her privilege to help people, but that help often came with strings. It was all very compelling and made me think more about the multitude of experiences people have and how passing is tied to privilege so long as the person denies a huge part of their identity.

But even with all the good, some things didn't quite work for me. One was that Paul had the tendency to just summarize things that would have been great to have "on screen." For example, we're told that Kitty becomes famous, but we don't really experience the rush of fame along with her - we just get a summary. This kind of thing happens multiple times in the book, and I wonder if Paul was just trying to fit too much into her novel or else was focusing on the wrong things.

Also (and I hate to say it), but I just was not interested in Elise's storyline. Every time we were in the present, it felt like there was very little to keep me invested (at least until closer to the end). I didn't much care to know why Elise inherited Kitty's money because it seemed that Elise had a plausible explanation from the get go. Elise was also already famous, so Kitty's inheritance didn't feel that shocking, and we don't really see Elise digging through Kitty's things and piecing together her story. I do appreciate that Paul tries to explore what it means to be a Black celebrity, but personally, I didn't find that meditation compelling enough because it didn't dive as deeply or parallel as closely to Kitty's story to feel meaningful.

CHARACTERS: Kitty, one of our protagonists, is incredibly interesting in that she's a black woman passing as white during the Jim Crow era. Her story shed a lot of light on race and privilege while also grappling with identity and personal fulfillment. The only thing I wish was different was the portrayal of Kitty's worrying and acting; though they are big parts of her life, we don't really get to see Kitty in action or experience the emotions she feels when at her best. I guess part of the book is supposed to be about how black women can be at the upper echelons of society despite white people hindering them, but I wanted to know if it was all about celebrity and power or if there was something special about the movies and stories that resonated with Kitty.

Elise, our present-day protagonist, had a lot of things going for her that could have been interesting. I liked that she had a complex relationship with her family members and often reminded readers that while she was a celebrity, she was also black (and thus subject to racism). But to be honest, I didn't care much about her cheating fiancé or her developing relationship with the photographer. I also think they're just want enough suspense in her storyline, so perhaps I would have liked her better if she had more to do.

Supporting characters were fine, and a lot of them were complex and compelling. I appreciated Hazel (Kitty's mother) and thought her relationship with the Lakes family was interesting. Lilian was also interesting in that her goals and attitudes about passing challenged some of Kitty's. The women of Blair House were admirable and I fully wanted them to succeed. I guess the only criticism I have is that because there is a lot of telling, it can be difficult to feel emotionally invested in the characters even if I would otherwise enjoy them.

TL;DR: Did You Hear About Kitty Karr is a book with a powerful discussion about race and privilege but ultimately fails to resonate due to the writing style. Because the author relies on telling over showing, readers are kept at arm's length from the story, expected to absorb it from a distance rather than being invited to experience it with the characters.

[r0sepetalbed]

I know but I can't fix it.

So, I am perfectly self-aware and conscious that my taste in men is a problematic--not to mention a paradox--thing to begin with.

For instance I long for peace and calm and stability, maturity and understanding. Yet, at the same time I wouldn't mind if he was mean, if he was ignorant, if we fought and disagreed.

Worst of all, I would forgive him for hurting me, in all regards, but frankly I draw the line at betraying me, if he lacked loyalty. I know, that sounds quite stupid, makes one wonder "where are this girl's priorities and why is she okay with anything else?" My answer to that might be insufficient. When you know, you know. For instance, my parents had a rough relationship, many bad moments and good and calm ones sprinkled in. But they never looked at other people, never betrayed each other. I know, bare minimum, but there are couples that cheat. I'd rather go through hell than get cheated on, that's why, in my skewed perspective I could forgive him or her if he mistreated me as long as he is loyal.

This only applies to me, I don't believe anyone else should be subjected to such things, maybe it's my martyr complex, ever the victim, but at my own hands. I have experienced almost all forms of abuse except drug and sexual abuse--thank God--and I must say I am an ungrateful b-word for feeling okay and at the same time haunted by it. Why can't I be normal and feel a certain way about it? Still, there are moments in my life, where I am happy and genuinely, the unbridledly desire of betterment and healing so close, yet out of reach. Finger tips graze the edge and I realize, "no, this scares me, it feels weird. I'd rather stay miserable."

Well maybe I don't explicitly think I should stay miserable, but I return to my old ways. That brings me back to my type, my "romantic" interest. It's embarrassing vocalizing it, so I write it down instead.

I don't idolize bad men, not those serial killers or criminals, I actually have a very tame and mild obsession with men that any woman would like; Mads Mikkelsen, Cillian Murphy and so on. Well that, and mostly fictional men. Women too, but that is a topic I am yet too shy to delve into.

Someone I want, or maybe desire is not equal to what I need. I know the differences between the two, yet desire wins over conscience. Forgive me God. I need someone gentle and patient, warm and welcoming, private and mature. But I want someone who is emotionally not there, controlling, older and wiser but also self-aware of his own flaws yet unwilling to change, someone stubborn and cold yet warm, keeping me starved but feeding me enough to keep me alive for their love.

Someone who has the power to destroy and build me back up, who knows every secret of mine and doesn't shy away from tough love.

And that is a problem, I know, but I don't see why exactly, I don't see why I can't love someone who is deemed unlovable, so long they are not fundamentally bad people, I find a way to long for them. No one is inherently bad or good and I'd rather want someone I can feel comfortably with, even if they are not the healthiest choice.

I want someone who is on a black and white spectrum a dark grey.

But I shouldn't, because I know I can't handle it, I am far from perfect or healthy or happy or mature. I would crumble on the outside and I'm afraid I won't like it, I hate showing vulnerability, especially to those I hold dear.

I am working on it, baby steps.

[goddessofroyalty]

back again to out my hands out for more omega jayce and alpha viktor stuff. how would jayce’s new popularity in piltover and appointment to the council affect their budding relationship? also, do you think mel would pursue jayce or figure that he’s already got someone since he’s bound to smell like viktor since they’d spent so much time in the lab together?

So funnily enough their designations actually matter less than what their relationship is generally at that point. If it's still fairly new or in that kind of awkward transitioning into a relationship from a friendship it's going to strain it and probably break it (compared to if they were a more established relationship which could probably weather it).

But if Jayce is an omega and Viktor an alpha it doesn't help because again others are going to try and keep wedging them apart because Jayce is now a lot more appealing to others now (you know compared to when he was about to be exiled). Like especially in Viktor's head Jayce went from kind of unattainable but maybe to... completely unobtainable. And it's not Jayce's fault it's the world around them. Jayce getting drawn into that work more and more doesn't help and Viktor likely responds by getting more and more closed off and thrown into his work because at least if he still is he is needed for the Hextech than he can still be around Jayce.

Mel I think would find out what the relationship is between Jayce and Viktor and than whether or not she would pursue Jayce would depend on his answer. Like she's blunt enough but tactful enough to say to Jayce at some point something like "I wouldn't want to offend Viktor if you two are already together" and then Jayce would either confirm it, do the 'well... it's kind of complicated now I don't even know if we are a thing anymore' or 'no he's just my work partner' depending on... how he's feeling about it after the damage of the everything going on. To be fair I don't think she ever went into their relationship to 'seduce' Jayce in the romantic/sexual sense - there is mutual attraction that can easily turn into a romantic/sexual relationship but it needs the right environment and trigger and you know if Jayce's relationship with Viktor is now very rocky or in the "temporary breakup" space he and Mel could still easily end up in that 'accidentally overstepping into Relationship' territory and then afterwards feel super guilty because they realise that was really unfair to Viktor.

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Hi! I come from the build-a-blurb post! I was thinking 🗣⚠️🍯🍦😭 with Steve and Bucky with Bucky being endgame!

🗣 having an argument.   ⚠️ a love triangle, a character making their final choice. 🍯 friends to lovers   🍦 lovers to enemies    😭 unrequited love 

Truth Hurts || Bucky

Warnings: mentions of cheating WC: 1.7k main masterlist || bucky masterlist

You had met Steve through your friend Bucky and he had warned you that Steve wasn’t the type to settle down but you hadn’t believed him. You had thought he just hadn’t met the right person to settle down with, that was the part of you that saw the world in black and white. Somewhere along the way things just seemed to get a little blurry.

“Why did you kiss me?” You were still too stunned to process what had just happened, the feel of Bucky’s lips on yours, how quickly your fingers had laced into his hair. “I’m with Steve, you know I’m with Steve…why did you kiss me?”

“Fuck. I’m sorry, doll, I just…you deserve so much better than that jerk.” Bucky sighed as he paced the room, something weighing heavy on him and it had been there before the kiss happened.

“What does that even mean?” You asked as you threw your hands in the air and made your way to the door but he stopped you.

“Nothing, sorry, can we just forget this happened. Please?”

He knew he could get away with anything when he turned those blue puppy dog eyes on you and you found yourself nodding reluctantly. It was only a little kiss, and you hadn’t been the one to do it so there was nothing to tell - or so you told yourself as you left Bucky’s room. The next few days had you avoiding Steve and Bucky. The kiss still played on your mind and your lips, you couldn’t seem to forget how soft and sweet his lips were, so you couldn’t bring yourself to see Steve because you knew his kiss wouldn’t be the same.

Unfortunately, Saturday left you with no way to avoid either of them as it was your birthday party and you couldn’t cancel it so late. It had been painful enough to leave messages on read, you couldn’t imagine how bad it was going to be when you came face to face with both of them. In a way you were lucky there wasn’t much time to dwell on it as you were busy with work and the weekend rolled around soon enough.

“Hey, doll, happy birthday.” Bucky greeted you as he showed up before Steve, a large bouquet of flowers in one hand and a big box in the other. “You look gorgeous.”

Your face flushed under his heated stare and the feelings you had been suppressing all week suddenly flooded back and you had to step away before you found yourself staring at his full lips even longer.

“Thank you, Bucky.” You smiled as you took the bouquet and inhaled the sweet scent. “These are beautiful.”

“Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman.”

You had never noticed how much he complimented you until then and you weren’t sure what to make of the sudden palpitations in your heart. You led the way inside where a few of your guests were already gathered and drinking before heading to the real party at a club in the city. You smiled as they all gushed over the bright flowers that you placed in a vase and corrected the one who thought they came from your boyfriend who had yet to show up.

“Have you heard from Steve?” You asked as you saw he hadn’t even opened your message from an hour ago.

Bucky scratched the back of his neck nervously and just shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

You wanted to ask him why he was acting strange but your friends decided that was the perfect time to have a round of shots. Your hands brushed against Bucky’s as you reached for the same glass and your eyes flicked to his wondering if he was as affected by the touch as you were but he was already reaching for another and tipping it back. You followed suit and helped yourself to a second shot knowing you would not be able to relax until you had enough alcohol in your system.

“Slow down, doll.” Bucky chuckled as he caught your hand reaching for a third glass. “I do actually want you to make it to the club tonight. I owe the birthday girl a dance.”

“Is that really the best idea? Look what happened last time we got close.” You murmured under your breath, his hand still warming yours until you pulled it away guiltily. “It’s not fair to Steve.”

“I don’t see Steve here asking for you to dance.” He said bitterly. “When are you going to see you deserve more than him?”

“You keep saying that but I don’t know what you mean.” You growled and swiped the shot glass before he could stop you. “If you have something to say, just tell me!”

“Steve’s an asshole alright!” Bucky snapped before he caught sight of Steve standing in the doorway, a smirk on his face.

“Well, looks like I arrived right on time.” He chuckled as his tall frame filled the kitchen and he caught you around the waist so he could kiss you.

It felt different, forced, and you closed your eyes so you didn’t have to see his possessive glare aimed at Bucky. His tongue forced its way past your lips and you pulled away at the strange taste, just resisting the urge to wipe your hand across your face.

“I wasn’t sure you would make it.” You said as you smiled, though it didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Why because my girlfriend ghosted me?” He said, pinning his icy eyes on you. “Guess you know how it feels to be ignored.”

You felt his words like a slap to the face and Bucky stepped closer to you only to have a large hand pushed to his chest.

“Woah, I think you’ve come close enough to my girl Buck.”

“Apologise to her now.” Bucky growled as your eyes threatened to leak the tears that had built.

“She owes me an apology, right, sweetheart?”

You wanted to keep the peace, wanted the night to go smoothly but before you could open your mouth Bucky knocked Steve’s hand aside and threw a fist at his jaw. “She owes you nothing, you cheating sack of shit.”

It felt like the air had been knocked out of you as Steve threw his own fist and you stumbled away from the both of them. No matter how rough the past week had been, you still loved Steve, he was still the man you had been in a relationship with, and he couldn’t even deny what Bucky said. Your chest felt like it was caving in and you looked between the two men who were now grappling on the floor, you weren’t sure who hurt you the most.

“Get out.” You whispered as your voice broke before you cleared it and shouted. “Get out! Both of you!”

They broke apart and you knew everyone in the house would have heard it all. Both of them rose to their feet, blood dripping from split lips and eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, doll, I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.” Bucky tried to apologise but you held your hand up to silence him while Steve snickered.

“Don’t believe him, he’s just jealous because he’s been in love with you his whole life.” Steve laughed.

“How could you do that to me?” You asked as you shook your head, feeling sick over the taste on his tongue. “I loved you.”

Steve seemed to lose the innocent look in an instance, the cocky nature replacing it in an instant. “Please, you knew who I was from the start so don’t act all surprised. Now let’s just move past this, we still have a good thing going.”

You blinked at the man who was asking you to stay with him after what he had admitted, without even so much as apologising and promising not to do it again. You could not believe it and from the stunned look on Bucky’s face, he couldn’t believe it either. Stepping away from the outstretched hand, you moved closer to Bucky. He had always been there for you, always had your back, and even though you were hurt he had kept this from you, you knew he was trying to shelter you from the pain of that knowledge.

“You’re choosing him over me?” Steve scoffed as he watched Bucky lay his arm over your shoulder and pull you closer. “You are both going to regret this. You hear me?”

You felt safe and protected in Bucky’s embrace, his proud whispers of encouragement in your ear giving you the strength you needed. “I hear you, I just don’t care. Get the hell out of my house.”

Steve stormed past you, knocking the vase down so the glass shattered across your floor and Bucky lifted your feet off the ground so they didn’t get cut. “I got you, doll.”

You heard the front door slam shut after Steve’s exit and Bucky carried you to the living room where your guests were awkwardly gathered. “I think the birthday girl is going to take a raincheck on clubbing tonight but thank you for coming.”

You could feel the pity in the room and you could barely look at your friends as they grabbed their bags and left, everyone except Bucky. He sat down on the couch and pulled you onto his lap while you nuzzled your head into his neck and let the tears fall.

“I should have told you sooner.” He murmured as he kissed your forehead. “I’m sorry.”

“Was he telling the truth? What he said about you?”

Your fingers played with the chain that hung around his neck until his finger tipped your chin back to meet his eyes. “I’ve been in love with you from the moment you offered me half of your pb&j sandwich. You’ve got the biggest heart y/n, and you deserve someone who can fill it all with love.”

“You could have told me.” You sniffled as fresh tears ran anew, only this time they were not from the ache in your chest but the restitching of the broken pieces. “I love you too, Bucky.”

@jessica11133 @nash-dara @buckyisperfect @itswanktime @slutforsexyseabass @sea040561 @gryffindorqueensworld @honeywithemoney @kenzieam @tsnelf7 @jmeagin-blog @saranghaey @heavenly-rogers @ashly4 @bibibeauelle @wildcat116 @glxwingrxse @ymasen @ghostpepper21 @thebuckybarnesvault @hoe-4-sebstan @tailsoflightning @avengershoney @hallecarey1 @tonystarksmutgarden @sunflowerfive @tripletstephaniescp @inlovewithbuckybarnes @kamaria-sweet-writes @mkirk12776 @youngr0se95 @scxrpioscult @ke05 @balekanemohafe @ladiesloveluxury @cjand10 @erinobx @buckyspussy @mogaruke

[2jaeh]

FREAKS I  JUNG JAEHYUN

genre: slight humor, smut, very mature themes

warnings: cheating, slight corruption kink, poly themes, cursing, foreplay, just overall based around hooking up, weed and alcohol

preppy!Jaehyun, Badgirl!reader, bff!Taeyong bff!Ten,  Jaehyunxreader, slight taeyongxreader, slight taeyongxten and tenxjohnny,

mentions of Yuta, Hendery and Johnny. 

words: 8k

You had always gotten what you wanted, whether it be a hookup, an exclusive invitation or riling up people you hated. But the one thing you wanted most was Jung Jaehyun, the preppy boy who always did what he was told and followed closely behind his girlfriend. You would do anything to ruin him and have your name be the only one that escaped his lips. 

A/N: okay so I just want to point out that I don't condone cheating or manipulative methods of any sort. The reader, Ten and Taeyong are very confident sexually with other people, and each other. 

0. prequel (taeyong x ten x reader)

1. Freaks pt 1

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was so out of your character but you just wanted him. You didn’t care if he wasn’t yours to take, you needed him. 

Your eyes lifted as the lecture room began to fill in and you unconsciously searched for that tuft of brown hair and set of dimples. You felt  your heartbeat speed up when you saw him find his seat two rows down from you, completely oblivious to your staring. 

“Still going crazy for Jung Jaehyun I see” you heard a familiar voice sing behind you as they scooted into their seat. 

“Ten please shut up someone could’ve heard you” 

“Babe I’d be extremely surprised if someone in this room didn’t know you had the hots for Jaehyun” Ten stuck his tongue out, pulling out his textbook from his backpack. 

You rolled your eyes knowing your best friend was probably right. You had been crushing on Jaehyun since you laid eyes on him a few months ago after attending one of his basketball games and when he dropped in the winning shot you were fucking hooked. 

The only problem was that Jaehyun had a girlfriend, a long term one at that. You didn’t understand what he saw in her. Apart from her looks, she was quite abrasive and had a habit of making everyone around her feel like shit. Jaehyun on the other hand was a sweetheart. He tried his best to meet everyone’s expectations and was able to adapt in many different social circles. 

Anyone else knew that going after someone who was in a relationship was a dick move, and you did get to an extent, the whole respectful bullshit or whatever. But you and Ten being the assholes that you were, thought that if there was an opening, it’s not as solid as it should be. 

“It’s simple” Ten said as the two of you grabbed ice coffee at the campus cafe, “other people usually just go head on and flirt with someone right off the bat” 

He took a sip of his drink and hummed,

“You need to play the field, you need to make them realize that their options are open.” 

“Very insightful Dr. Lee” you laughed and hooked arms with him, making your way over to a table that was covered by a cherry blossom tree. 

You and Ten noticed Jaehyun and his girlfriend emerge from the lecture hall hand in hand as she pulled him over to her pretentious group of friends. 

“I want him so fucking bad” you groaned as you continued watching him be happy with someone else. 

“Who wants who so bad ?” You heard a giggle and Taeyong, your other close friend made his way over to your table. 

“The never ending Jaehyun and y/n saga” Ten mused, making space for Taeyong on the bench. 

“Not him again” Taeyong took a sip of your coffee, “why do you always like those preppy guys ?” 

“He’s not preppy! He’s like us! You guys just don’t know the real him” you argued, your eyes still filled with stars as you watched him remove his jacket and flex his arms in his plain white tee. 

“Like us?” Taeyong pointed toward Ten, “Ten has fucked half of the swim team and four of them are still trying to get in a relationship with him.” 

You snickered as Ten seemed proud of his achievements, smoothing out his hair and smirked, “I find my true love in different ways okay.” 

The three of you laughed at Tens words but Taeyongs words didn’t bother you. In no way were you like Ten. You didn’t bother with people you weren’t interested in emotionally let alone physically. Jaehyun was the only spark in your eye and the only person on the entire campus that you wanted.

“Anyway there’s a party tonight at Taeil’s place you guys wanna go ?” Taeyong looked between you and Ten for an answer. 

“Yeah fuck it” you responded, popping a piece of ice into your mouth. 

“Let’s just get hammered and maybe y/n will realize there’s other men out there other than Jung Jaehyun” Ten pinched your arm to snap you out of another daydream. 

You hoped his words were true. You really hoped you could get out of this rut. 

——————————-

The cab pulled up at a frat house and the three of you jumped out, dressed up in outfits people were bound to stare down at. This was what you loved most about Ten and Taeyong. There’s no pretending, no reason to hide your true personality in order to please others. You three had fun dressing the way you want, doing whatever the hell you wanted with whomever you wanted. 

“Hey y/n if you looking for someone to help you forget...I’m always available” Taeyong growled in your ear as he grabbed your ass. 

“Down boy” Ten patted Taeyong’s back as he pulled out a cigarette. 

The three of you were quite comfortable sexually with each other too. There had been many drunken nights where your lips were on Taeyong or Ten or Ten and Taeyong on each other. Many people on campus spoke about your scandalous friendship but to you guys it was very natural. 

“I’m gonna get us drinks” Taeyong disappeared into the crowd as strangers already started approaching Ten from different directions. You were a bit more lowkey than they were and preferred to stick to the shadows and hang out with the more obscure personalities campus had to offer. 

You had found Hendery, one of your art major friends standing against the wall, nodding his head to the music as he dragged in what looked like a blunt.

“Hendery!” You poked him cutely and he pulled you into a tight hug, engulfing you with his marijuana fumes. 

“Hey y/n you enjoying yourself ?” He smiled sweetly, his character always being chilled out. 

“I’m good” you took the blunt and placed it to your lips as you took in a long pull. Hendery’s stuff was weak but good enough to make you relax under the loud music and bodies of people. 

You leaned up against the wall and noticed a familiar face on the far end of the room, beer in hand and nodding his head to the music. 

It was Jung Jaehyun. 

Your first instinct was to search for his stupid girlfriend but you quickly realized that she and her friends were not at this party. 

What the hell was he doing at a place like this ? 

You had no idea whether it was the weed or the clouded room but you felt his eyes on you for a brief second, before taking a sip of his drink and brought his gaze back. 

‘Fuck he was so hot’ you thought, unconsciously biting down on your lip and squeezing your thighs together. 

Jaehyun was dressed in a loose black tee and fitted jeans. His brown hair was messy and his lips seemed swollen from wetting them too much. 

Your feet began moving. You maneuvered your way through the crowd and kept your gaze on him until you now stood in front of Jung Jaehyun, the man you have been desperately wanting for two months. 

“Hey there” you moved next to him on the wall casually, “you’re in my business class right?” 

“Oh yeah you sit in the back ?” Jaehyun replied with a smile and held out his hand, “I’m Jaehyun” 

You took his hand in yours and felt a shiver down your spine at the contact. 

“I’m y/n, it’s nice to meet you Jaehyun” you replied as your eyes drifted down to his lips, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at a party like this before ?” 

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes at you and chuckled shyly, 

“I came here with my basketball friends, you do these kind of parties often ?” 

“Yeah most of my friends are here, I was surprised to see a good boy like you here” you kept your eyes focused on the crowd even though you clearly felt Jaehyun shift by your choice of words. 

“A good boy?” He lifted his eyebrow. 

“Yeah well you’re not friends with my friends and we’re quite bad....I assume you’re one of the good ones” you mused, running your fingers through your hair. 

You felt Jaehyuns eyes fall on you briefly, “you don’t seem...bad though” 

“That’s because you don’t know me Jaehyun” you smiled sweetly and looked up at him, “can I get your number ? Maybe you can hang out with me and my friends sometime” 

Jaehyun shifted awkwardly holding onto his phone but despite having a few drinks he still felt a sense of guilt. 

“I - um have a girlfriend,” he said under his breath. 

“Jaehyun I asked for your number to hang out at a party like this” you turned to him and pursed your lips, “I don’t have a problem with getting dick if that’s what you’re insinuating” 

You watched as he waved his hand, clearly embarrassed and handed you his phone, “I’m sorry I just- here” 

Taking his phone you added your number in and sent a text in order to save his number into your phone and handed it back, 

“Thanks, I’ll see you around I guess” 

Jaehyun watched you disappear into the crowd and he felt his ears heat up after the encounter, you had him in the palm of your hand within minutes. 

You already knew he’d be watching. You found Taeyong in the crowd and Taeyong being Taeyong already had his hands on your waist, turning your body so your back was against his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder as he rocked his hips against your ass, placing a soft kiss on your neck as you swayed to the music. 

Taeyong knew what you were doing too. He already saw you talk to Jaehyun earlier on and he was more than happy to help his best friend out. 

You didn’t bother looking at Jaehyun while you danced with Taeyong but Taeyong did. He kept his eyes on Jaehyun as he marked you as his, biting into your shoulder as his free hand found  the lining of your crop top and pushed  his hand under your shirt. 

Jaehyun bit down on his lip, trying his best to look away as you were completely lost in Taeyongs touch. He realized that you were very different to him indeed, clearly unbothered by what people thought of you. 

Even if he were single, he didn’t think he had it in him to make you feel the Taeyong did right now. 

————————————————————————

After a long night the three of you headed back to Ten’s dorm room. Crashing onto his bed and pulling off your boots, you sighed deeply as the headache from the party began to set in. 

“Hey thank you for that tonight Tae” you winked at Taeyong who was spread out on the floor shirtless, trying to order food. 

“The least you could’ve done was help out my damn boner” Taeyong scoffed, “I nearly exploded at the party y/n” 

“Was that for Jaehyun?” Ten asked, sitting at his vanity and removed his eye makeup. 

“Mmm” you groaned and hugged Ten’s pillow, “I have his number now, not sure if he has the guts to text though since Taeyong was practically fucking me in front of him” 

“Hey” Taeyong protested and sat up, “he watched the whole damn thing, he was probably into it.” 

Ten tossed you an oversized tee before joining you in bed, “maybe our Jaehyun is a bad boy after all” he teased. 

You shook your head and shrugged out of your party clothes and threw on Tens shirt, sinking into the bed and opened Jaehyuns contact. 

Ping! 

JJH: When’s the next party ? 

Holy shit. 

————————————————————————

You decided to leave Jaehyun on read for the weekend. On the inside you were screaming but you had to keep your composure. You remembered what Ten had said, ‘you need to find that hole, make them realize their options are open.’ 

It was already Monday and you had to see Jaehyun face to face for the first time since the party. You walked into the lecture and he was already there, seated up front and his eyes lit up when he saw you walk through the doors. 

He shot you a nervous smile and a small wave, making sure it was subtle enough for the people around him to not notice.

As much as you wanted to stare back you kept your eyes focused on the lecture slides in front of you, knowing very well that Jaehyun had turned back for the third time in 30 minutes to look at you. 

“Baby boy is thirsty” Ten smirked, leaning into you as he watched Jaehyun turn around again, flustered at Ten staring him down. You playfully nudged Ten, “you're scaring him,” Ten chuckled at your words and returned to his work as you yourself felt a bit bashful that Jung Jaehyun was finally paying attention to you. 

Class had ended and you walked over to the usual spot, Taeyong was already sprawled out on the bench taking in the afternoon sunlight. “Do you even try to act normal ?” Ten knocked Taeyong’s leg out of the way and flicked his exposed nipple. 

“Ow don't do that it turns me on” he whined, 

“Everything turns you on Taeyong'' you giggled and placed a kiss on his cheek before taking a seat next to him. Taeyong growled and pulled you closer to him, straddling the bench, placing his legs on either side of you. Sometimes you wondered what people thought of the three of you. Ten had mentioned once that someone on the swim team thought you guys were in a polyamorous relationship. As much as all three of you fooled around there was only one hookup that led to a threesome, but that was a story for another day. 

“I still haven't texted him back” you spoke, stuffing a piece of banana muffin in your mouth. 

“I thought you wanted to jump this guy” Taeyong scoffed. 

“He’s still in a relationship and even told me so that night” you explained looking over to where Jaehyun was seated with the rest of the preppy business students and his girlfriend, “If he was drunk enough to stay faithful that means I don't have an opening yet.”

“Is that why he keeps looking over here while sitting next to his girlfriend ?”

Taeyong’s words made you look up and ofcourse Jaehyun was looking over at you despite having an arm around his girlfriend. This time it was less subtle than in the lecture room. He talked with his friends but you had his full attention, making sure to look over at your table every few minutes. 

“If it isn't my favorite polygamists” a low voice bellowed from behind Ten and the three of you looked up and realized it was Ten’s boy of the semester, Johnny Suh. 

“It's really weird when you call us that you know?” Ten rolled his eyes as Johnny hugged him from behind and slid into the seat next to him. Johnny followed your eyes over to where Jaehyun sat and smirked, “Jaehyun ? seriously? You're literally too hot to be chasing someone as boring as him y/n”

“Shut up he is not boring” you popped another piece of the muffin in your mouth.

You studied Jaehyun as you noticed his girlfriend tried to bring his attention back to her conversation, completely unaware that her boyfriend was looking at another girl. Why would she ? She had everything. The perfect grades, the perfect face and body, and the perfect boyfriend. Jaehyun took a look at his beautiful girlfriend as she spoke, he knew why he liked her and why their relationship worked but why did he feel as if he were missing out. His eyes drifted again to that table at the back where the art students sat. They always seemed to have the best time despite half the campus avoiding them or calling them weird for being themselves. A part of him wished he was free to do that too. He was deeply interested in music and the arts, but was scared to share his tastes as he didnt want to be an outcast to his friends. Jaehyun shifted in his seat as he watched that blonde haired guy from the party wrap his hands around your waist, freely caressing your skin in front of everyone as you nonchalantly ate your lunch. 

Arin, Jaehyun’s girlfriend stopped her conversation and followed her boyfriend's eyes to the table at the back. 

“Urgh those freaks have no shame, imagine what their parents would think of them” she pulled her face as her friends hummed in agreement. 

“The other day I saw the black haired guy and Johnny from the basketball team making out in the bleachers” another girl said and Jaehyun noticed Johnny, one of his team mates sitting comfortably with the small black haired boy he always saw you with during your business lecture. 

“T-that reminds me I need to tell Johnny about the meeting today” Jaehyun scratched the back of his head, he didn't know why he wanted to go over there but he was curious to know what you all were like during a campus setting. 

Arin took a sip of her ice latte and flipped her golden brown hair over her shoulder, “can't you just text him ?”

Jaehyun cleared his throat and found himself standing up, throwing his satchel over his shoulder,

“He doesn't answer his texts, I'll be about five minutes.”

Jaehyun gently stroked Arin’s head as she just shrugged, not really finding him suspicious. Why would Jaehyun be interested in people like that ? He was a good guy and he felt most comfortable with her and their circle of friends. 

Meanwhile at your table you four were in deep discussion about Johnny’s little halloween get together. 

“Why are you only inviting 20 people ?” Taeyong’s eyebrows knitted together, “that's not a party that's a meeting.”

“Because Taeyong, I want it to be an intimate vibe you know” Johnny answered and gestured with his arms in the air, “I cant stand half of this fucking campus and I just want to hang out with the people I actually give a shit about”

“You only met us like a month ago, how did we make the cut?” You raised your eyebrow at him and smirked. 

Ten stood up and threw his hands around Johnny and kissed his forehead, “That's because he met me and realized we're the coolest people on campus” Johnny smiled bashfully, completely smitten by Ten as he nodded, “It's true.”

“Uhm Hi..” The four of you stopped your conversation to look at Jaehyun who stood at your table, hands in his pocket, pressing  his lips together nervously which made his dimples more prominent. 

“Whats up Jae ?” Johnny greeted as the rest of you exchanged a few glances. 

Jaehyun briefly looked over at you but he quickly looked away thanks to Taeyong who was placing open mouth kisses on your neck. You smiled to yourself as Jaehyun squirmed uncomfortably, much like everyone that was ever in the presence of you three. Except Johnny ofcourse, he was a weird one. 

“I just came over to let you know that we have a basketball meeting at 3 today” Jaehyun spoke in a surprisingly calm tone. 

“Oh cool thanks for letting me know man” Johnny played the part of the oblivious friend really well, “By the way this is Ten, thats y/n and the guy practically having her for lunch is Taeyong.” 

Taeyong looked up and smiled at Jaehyun and you squeezed his knee, preventing him from doing or saying anything stupid when Jaehyun broke the silence, 

“Oh yeah I actually know Ten and y/n from my business lecture” Jaehyun spoke as his eyes met yours. 

Ten noticed the tension between you two and a menacing smirk spread across his face, “Well since we all know each other you should come to Johnny's halloween party Jaehyun” 

“Halloween party ?” Jaehyun repeated,

“Yeah you should come along, I mean you were asking when is the next party” you added and Jaehyun felt his ears heat up at your words. He had no idea why it felt almost promiscuous just talking to you. 

“I'll let you know the details after the meeting, oh and you're free to bring your girl if you want” Johnny grinned and you don't know why, but his words felt like a stab in the chest. 

You all watched Jaehyun nod shyly and retreat back to his friends as the rest of you turned your heads to face Johnny. “Hey I just wanted to let him know that he could,” Johnny stated, raising his hands up to defend himself. 

“Well I guess if he does bring her then he’s not interested in you, and if he doesn't….”  Ten’s words trailed off as you bit down your lip and you watched Jaehyun turn back to look at you before sitting down next to Arin. 

“I guess we shall see” you murmured. 

————————————

It was the next day you had just finished all your classes and decided to spend a relaxing evening alone at your dorm. You got into an old band shirt and underwear after a steaming shower and jumping on your bed ready to navigate through your social media. 

Ping! 

Ping! 

Your phone vibrated and your eyes gleamed at the sight of Jaehyuns name blinking across the screen. 

JJH: hey

JJH: so....like how many people are going to this party ? 

You lingered on his open message for a while but decided to reply to him this time instead of leading him on. 

Y/n: I think Johnny said about 20 people...it’s very small. 

JJH: oh I see. 

JJH: you’re going with your...boyfriend right ? 

Y/n: boyfriend ? 

JJH: I think his name is Taeyong

Your lips curled into a smirk. Jaehyun was definitely curious about your relationship with Taeyong, and it could mean he was trying to figure out more about you. 

y/n: Taeyong is not my boyfriend 

You looked at the three dots that signaled he was typing, it seemed to take a while before your phone finally vibrated again. 

JJH: oh, I see. Uhm so do we have to dress up ? 

Y/N: yeah ! It’s a Halloween party Ofcourse we have to, did Johnny not tell you ? 

JJH: I don’t fully believe anything he says so I just wanted a second opinion. 

Y/n: well dress up, or else I’ll be very disappointed Jaehyun...

Another moment of silence this time it was longer than the last one. Finally your phone lit up and Jaehyuns name popped up, 

JJH: what are you wearing ? 

JJH: I mean like to the party not right now

JJH: like costume .... 

JJH: that message came out so weird I’m sorry 

You giggled to yourself wishing you were there with him to see his ears redden and him stumble over his words as he got nervous around you. God he was so fucking cute. 

y/n: it’s a surprise ! 

JJH: oh I see.. 

y/n: I’m sure you and Arin can figure something out, anyways I gotta go...I’ll see you around Jae.

Jaehyun's eyes narrowed on your message. He felt an adrenaline rush while he texted you. To him, you were the coolest girl on campus and he couldn’t believe you even bothered to text him back. 

But then his shoulders dropped when he saw Arins name. It was like a dark cloud looming over his head. He had no idea if he should let Arin know about the party, it’s not like she’d agree to come anyway, did that mean he shouldn’t go too ? 

———————————-

It was finally the evening of the party and you Taeyong and Ten decided to get ready at your dorm. Ten scoffed as Taeyong emerged from the bathroom in red leather pants and a black harness that covered his bare chest.

“You're supposed to wear a costume you know ?” Ten raised his eyebrow as Taeyong strutted around the room looking like a red light district stripper. 

“I AM in costume baby, i'm a devil” Taeyong pouted and placed a pair of novelty devil horns on his head. 

“Fuck if this Jaehyun thing really doesn't work out I want a piece of that” you licked your lips as Taeyong’s smirk grew, “I told you all you gotta say when and where” he purred. 

“y/n I know you love fucking around with twinks but can you please concentrate on the task at hand ?” Ten grumbled and pushed his phone in front of you, waving Jaehyuns instagram in front of your face. 

You bit down on your lip as you noticed Jaehyun posted a semi shirtless picture for the first time and the comments were absolutely wild. Many people thought he was hacked and the others were just asking him to jump them. You also noticed a lot of people tagging Arin under the thirst comments which she replied simply with a like. 

“You think he is gonna show up tonight and bring her ?”  you pouted while applying a coat of lip gloss. 

“Either way baby we will have a good time, I'll guarantee you that” Ten stroked your head before heading to the bathroom to prep his costume. You shimmied into your zombie cheerleader costume, ignoring Taeyong’s whistles as he caught a glimpse of your lacy two piece set. The only person you wanted to see your newly bought lingerie was Jaehyun. 

Ten finally emerged from the bathroom in an all black shiny leather pants with a matching crop top long sleeve. He looked absolutely delicious with his hair gelled back and his dark  eye make-up accentuated his cat-like eyes. 

“And what the fuck are you supposed to be?” you chuckled, mouth still gaping as you took in his gorgeous figure. 

“Im a cat!” Ten posed cutely, turning his hands into cat paws and brought them up to his face. 

“You look like a dominatrix” Taeyong snorted, earning a flick on the forehead from Ten. 

You stood up and smoothed out your extremely short skirt as you slipped into your hot pink platform boots. You were going for a cute zombie cheerleader, tearing up a bit of your clothes gave you an excuse to show a bit of that expensive lingerie. 

“Is my outfit okay ?” you chewed on your bottom lip as you turned to face Ten and Taeyong. 

“Babe I've never seen you this nervous before” Ten groaned as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind. It's true, you were a very confident person but you were so clued up on what attracted Jaehyun and what didn't that you began second guessing yourself constantly. 

“I...I just want him to like me” You played with the hem of your shirt, when you felt Taeyong stand up and approach the two fo you. 

“If he doesn't like you, for you...then he isn't worth it” Taeyong patted your head and his other hand grabbed Ten’s shoulder, pulling the both of you into a tight hug. It felt good knowing you always had them, they were your soulmates, your ride or die, they meant the absolute world to you. 

“If it all doesn't work out lets come back here and fuck” Taeyong whispered and you pushed him off playfully, while Ten pulled his face as he returned to his vanity, “classic Taeyong” he shook his head. 

The three of you arrived at Johnny’s apartment and you could already hear the chill hip hop playlist vibrating against the door. Ten rolled his eyes as he punched in the door code, “I’ll have to do something about that music,” he tutted, as the three of you walked in greeted by your usual group of friends. 

There were a few of Johnny’s basketball mates, the cool ones who snuck around smoking weed with the stoners. You nodded at the familiar faces, Yuta the resident tattoo artist from fourth year, Hendery the distributor from your year and Chaeyoung from Ten’s fashion design class. 

Everyone seemed to be in costume, you didn't expect anything less from a group of creatives. Suddenly Johnny emerged from the kitchen holding a few bottles when his eyes lit up at the sight of Ten. Johnny shoved the drinks to an unsuspecting man and jogged over while you and Taeyong tried to stifle your laughter. 

“Johnny darling what are you supposed to be dressed as?” Ten mused as his eyes narrowed on Johnny’s selection of outfit. 

“Im Tony the Tiger baby!” Johnny flexed, obviously amused by his own outfit as he spun around in his tiger onesie. 

“You didn't tell us Johnny was a furry” Taeyong teased as Ten backhanded his abdomen. You could tell that Ten liked Johnny unlike his usual flings. If any of the others pulled this type of stunt he would have walked straight out of this party and called over a side piece. 

“Okay Tony the Tiger, can you take a picture of me and my loves for the gram ?” Ten mused and handed his phone over to Johnny. The three of you posed sexily as Johnny hyped you all up, capturing every angle possible. Ten immediately updated the picture to instagram and the likes and comments immediately flew in, asking what party you guys were at. This was how it always was. Nobody wanted to be friends with you guys but nobody wanted to miss out on your adventures together. 

Jaehyun took a look at himself in the mirror, adorning his basketball outfit and topped it off with a sweatband around his head. “This is fucking dumb” he thought, second guessing using his team outfit as a halloween costume. The problem was he was told on such short notice that he couldn't really prepare for it. What if their idea of halloween was just dressing up normally, or what if they went all out and he would be the only one in a basic costume ?

Jaehyun sucked in a deep breath as he took a seat on his bed and scrolled through his feed to settle his nerves. While scrolling he noticed one of his friends shared Ten’s post to his story, and immediately clicked it, sucking on his bottom lip as the picture of the three of you unfolded. 

You guys were in a different league indeed. Unbelievably confident in your outfits, knowing that everyone was wishing for a chance to be with one of you. Jaehyun’s eyes drifted to you and he felt his breathing hitch, feeling like a prepubescent teen looking at a girl for the first time. 

A knock at the door jolted him out of his thoughts and he opened the door to Arin accompanied by three of their friends. Arin reached up and placed a soft kiss on Jaehyun’s lips before entering his dorm and taking a seat on his bed.

“Why are you in your basketball uniform ?” Arin questioned as she scrolled through her phone. 

“I...Am going to attend a party..” Jaehyun scratched the back of his head as all eyes were on him. A boy named Minhyuk, Jaehyun knew through Arin cocked his head in confusion, “You're going to a party wearing your uniform ?” 

“It's a costume party, I was invited by Johnny” Jaehyun replied to him yet his eyes were Arin waiting for a response. Arin looked up at him and scrunched up her nose, “aren't all those freaks at that party ?”

“Yeah well I'm going for the team, If you want. you can come along” Jaehyun didn't even try to sound convincing, there was no way he wanted Arin or any of his business class friends accompanying him tonight.  It didn't have anything to do with you or his odd attraction to the group, it was rather a test for himself, he wanted to see if that kinda lifestyle was what he was craving. 

“I’ll pass” Arin chuckled dryly and grabbed her purse before placing a peck on Jaehyuns cheek, “you go for a bit darling, I know it's a team thing, when you're bored come find us at the country club wine night.” 

Jaehyun watched everyone leave his dorm and he sighed deeply, still feeling like he lied even though he completely told Arin the truth about his future whereabouts. 

“Where is the loverboy ?” Johnny nudged you as you poured yourself another shot of vodka and redbull. You shrugged already deciding on not keeping your hopes up when you heard one of Johnny's frat buffoons scream Jaehyun's name. Spinning on your heels you turned toward the entrance and noticed his shy frame greeting the guys from the basketball team. 

“He wore his basketball uniform, Oh my God” Ten snickered along with Taeyong and Johnny. 

“He looks hot shut up” You bit down on your lip as your eyes locked with his and he made his way over to you. Jaehyun ruffled his hair as he mumbled a few hellos to Taeyong and Ten before giving Johnny a handshake. 

“Glad you made it man, Arin here too ?” Johnny threw his arm around Jaehyun and shoved a beer in his hands. Jaehyun shook his head and took a sip of his beer, “nah it's just me” he spoke and looked over at you. On the outside you probably looked composed but on the inside you were screaming victories. Ten could definitely see the excitement and shot you a wink before clearing his throat, 

“Well now that you're here we can finally play spin the bottle!” 

“S-spin the bottle ?” Jaehyun chewed on his lip nervously,

“Yeah but like just a few of us come on let's go to Johnny's room” Ten hooked arms with Johnny as he grabbed a few more drinks for you guys to enjoy in privacy. 

Jaehyun waited until you were left and the two of you made your way down the hallway to Johnny’s room. You brushed against his bare arm as you walked and looked up at him, “I love your costume, very original” you chuckled and Jaehyun blushed. 

“It was short notice, I look stupid but you on the other hand” Jaehyun’s eyes drifted over your figure, “y-you look amazing” 

“Thank you Jaehyun.” 

You entered the room and noticed Ten had collected Yuta, Hendery, Chaeyoung and one of the fourth years Seungyoun to play the game with the rest of you. Taeyong raised his eyebrow as everyone took a seat in a circle, “Did Ten handpick players for a game or an orgy ?”

Everybody chuckled but Jaehyun shifted awkwardly in the seat next to you. You placed a reassuring hand on his arm and his eyes darted to you, looking like a lost puppy,

“He tends to speak rubbish just ignore him” you smiled. Jaehyun nodded and pressed his lips together as Ten cleared his throat in order for everyone to pay attention,

“Okay please keep the dares spicy but not too spicy we have some taken people in the circle” 

Jaehyun looked around the room and noticed the girl called Chaeyoung thank Ten for his words, making him a bit more comfortable that he wasn't the only one in a relationship playing this game. Ten was the first to spin and the bottle landed on Hendery, who was in the middle of lighting a blunt. 

“What me first ?” he whined and gave Ten his best puppy eyes in order to go easy on him. 

Ten licked his lips and looked around the room, “I dare you to swop boxers with Seungyoun” 

The room filled with whistles and disgusted noises as Johnny pointed to his en suite bathroom for the exchange to go down. You all watched as Hendery and Seungyoun disappeared into the bathroom for a good ten minutes and emerged with Seungyoun adjusting his crotch area clearly irritated. 

“His fucking boxers are too tight” Seungyoun groaned while the rest of you laughed at his complaints. 

Hendery spun the bottle and it landed on you, which made you feel a little at ease as Hendery wasn't the meanest person you knew. 

“Do a body shot off of Yuta’s bare body” he said returning to light his precious blunt. 

Yuta tore his shirt off within seconds and lay in the middle of the circle with a lemon slice in his mouth. Jaehyun had no fucking idea what a body shot was but he felt his heartbeat speed up as he watched you sprinkle a line of salt down Yuta’s abs and straddle his lap confidently. He had never seen people be this comfortable with each other, he barely even uttered a word of his sex life to any of his friends. 

“Yuta get your hand off y/n’s thigh” Taeyong snapped, as Yuta smirked still licking the lemon slice that was placed between his teeth. 

You chugged back the shot of tequila and pinned Yuta’s wrists to the floor as your tongue slowly licked up the salt from his body. Jaehyun watched everything intently, you were a pro, so natural and experienced with things like this. He unconsciously licked his lips as you retrieved the lemon slice from Yuta’s mouth, your tongues touching for a brief second before you climbed off him and returned to your seat. 

“My turn” you sang and spun the bottle which landed on Johnny. He shot you a dashing smile still sitting in his tiger onesie with his arms wrapped around Ten. 

“Since you want to be part of our group so bad, here's an initiation..Kiss Taeyong” you smirked as Johnny’s mouth dropped and Ten burst into a fit of laughter. 

Taeyong shrugged and raised his eyebrow at Johnny, to him shit like this didn't phase him at all. Johnny slowly crawled over to Taeyong and hesitantly leaned in, his huge frame comically shaking in front of the small man. Johnny placed a finger under Taeyongs chin and kissed him softly for about a minute until he yelled and stood up, 

“He stuck his tongue in my mouth!” Johnny whined, 

“And ? How else do you kiss ?” Taeyong rolled his eyes and wiped his lips as the bigger man continued throwing a fit until Ten calmed him down, 

“It's your turn baby” 

Johnny frowned but spun the bottle, this time it landed on Jaehyun who now sat upright as everyone's eyes were now on him. 

“Please go easy on him” you mused and rubbed Jaehyun’s back in order to calm him down. 

“Uh...it's okay I can handle it” Jaehyun responded with a small smile and looked up at Johnny. 

“Okay” Johnny began, “because you're my homie all you gotta do is take off your shirt and keep it that way for the rest of the game.”

Jaehyun felt the tension as he got to his feet and caressed the hem of his shirt. Everyone watched in anticipation as he slowly lifted his shirt, quickly pushing it over his head and discarded it behind him. You marvelled at his toned body, wishing everyone else were not in the room so you could jump him. Heck everybody could watch, you wanted him so bad. 

Everyone whistled as Jaehyun took his seat and his cheeks reddened slightly, he couldn't believe he was sitting shirtless with a group of people he barely knew. 

The game went on with various pairings taking part in stupid dares until Johnny called the end to the game because he wanted all of you to socialize with everyone else on the outside but you all knew he just wanted everyone out of his bedroom so he could fuck Ten. 

The party moved on and you found yourself lingering in the hallway just sipping on your drink when you noticed Jaehyun watching you from a few feet away. You shot him a smile, giving him an invitation to join you and he finally gathered the courage to do so. 

“Hey” Jaehyun smiled and leaned on the wall opposite you. His eyes would briefly move to your body and each time he would mentally scold himself which you noticed and found amusing. 

“You know Jaehyun if you find me attractive it's not a crime” you smirked, 

“What's in my mind feels like a crime though” 

“Oh?” you cocked your head to the side, “and what's on your mind?” 

Jaehyun blushed and bit down on his lip, “you don't want to know” 

This was it, the opening. You slowly walked over to Jaehyun and when he didn't move you moved even closer, just a few inches away from his body. Jaehyun gulped as he watched you lick your lips seductively and your dark eyes looked up at him. 

“Do you want to show me ?” you purred and ghosted your fingers lightly across his bicep. 

“Fuck I want to….but” 

You placed your index finger to your lips and shook your head, “There's a reason you came over here Jaehyun, and if you cared about your relationship you wouldn't allow me to be this close right now”

You pushed yourself up on your toes and placed your lips against his ear, “I’ll give you one last chance, tell me no and walk out of this party, go back to her and forget about me or stay and show me what's on that dirty mind of yours.” 

Jaehyun felt goosebumps on his skin, he had never felt this way with anyone in his entire life. With Arin their sex life was pretty vanilla and whenever he would try to spice it up, she would shut him down and say she wasn't interested. But here with you, he was hard as rock just by your words. He couldn't even imagine what it probably felt like to have you bent over and him have his way with you. The only thing on his mind was ruining your pretty make-up as he took you from behind.

You moved closer again, challenging him in order to make up his mind but he surprised you by licking his lips as he looked down at you with hungry eyes. Within seconds your lips were attached to his and you felt dizzy with ecstasy. He was sweeter than you dreamed and he matched your desperation as he caressed your face groaning into the kiss finally releasing his pent up stress. 

You pulled away and Jaehyun whined already missing your lips and you giggled cutely, “before I continue I do want to say that I do like you Jaehyun like fucking really like you” 

“You like me ? why? Aren't I too boring for you” his eyes looked at you puzzled. You grabbed his hand and led him into the free bedroom next to Johnny's room and locked the door behind you, drowning out the noise from the party. 

“Yeah I like you and no you're not boring you're one of us, I know it” 

Jaehyun felt flushed, he somehow felt he was included in something he had always been missing. Despite all the sexual innuendos and the drugs sex and alcohol lifestyle that became the brand of the group he saw something more. Everyone was comfortable and nobody judged him here. Sure he didn't fit in and they could've easily outcast him like the prep group would've, but everyone was so nice to him. On top of all of that he was incredibly attracted to you, and now that you had confessed to him he only wanted you more. 

From the first night you approached him he was floored. He wished he swapped places with Taeyong just to make you feel like you were on cloud 9. He loved how unapologetically yourself you were and all he wanted was to learn from you. Learn more about himself and explore freely without feeling boxed in. 

“Fuck y/n I like you too, from the moment I laid eyes on you I wanted you” Jaehyun groaned and placed his hands on your shoulders, “I’ll deal with Arin right now if you want me too, Im yours.”

You bit down on your lip and pulled him closer by his waistband as he noticed your eyes darken under the dimmed lights,

“No….I kinda wanna fuck you while she thinks she still has you” You mewled, and licked your lips.

Your words made Jaehyun go crazy and his lips were back on yours this time rougher than before. He practically ripped open your skirt as you rid yourself of your boots,

“Shit fuck im sorry I’ll buy you another” he cursed and you chuckled leading him over to the bed. You discarded his shirt and basketball shorts, purring at the sight of his greek statue-like physique. Jaehyun helped you out of your shirt and ran his large hands over your breasts and lower back as you straddled him. This exchange was different for you too. Many hookups were just filled with lust but none had this type of passion and desperation. There were moments where you and Jaehyun would just exchange gazes, completely in awe of the other person. 

You ran your fingers below the waistband of his boxers and felt his hardened member twitch at your touch. Jaehyun moaned into your ears as you teased him, stroking him gently while nipping away at his neck. “You gonna be a good boy and let me mark you ?” you cooed and Jaehyun whined in response, turning his head allowing you to turn his pale skin purple. 

“Baby Arin is gonna see what i've done to your neck, should I stop?” 

“No please dont...stop” Jaehyun squirmed underneath you completely under your spell. 

You pulled down Jaehyun’s boxers and watched his member spring up and hit his abdomen. You quickly rid yourself of your bra and panties and rolled onto your back, spreading your legs and turned your head to Jaehyun, 

“Show me how much you want me baby, show me what you were thinking about earlier on” you moaned and Jaehyun thought he was going to explode just by how needy you were for him. 

Jaehyun sat up and hovered over you as his eyes softened, running his hand over your body “If its too much, please let me know” you reached up to caress his face, feeling butterflies in your stomach from his sweet words,

“Sure baby, just give me your best I just want you so bad” 

Jaehyun’s expression switched and his eyes narrowed like a lion looking at its prey. He brought his hand up and slapped you on your ass which made you moan out loud. He used the opportunity to finally play out his fantasy and flipped you over so you were on your hands and knees, ass on full display for him as he licked his lips at the sight. 

He placed two digits in his mouth, lathing them up before pushing them into your already wetness. Your moan earned another smack from Jaehyun and he pumped his fingers in you at an extremely slow and agonizing pace. You whined into the pillow and he smirked, he couldn't believe he got you to beg for his touch like this. 

“Baby I don't have a condom” He mumbled, still keeping his fingers inside of you as you whined beneath him,

“I'm on the pill, just cum wherever you want” You groaned as you felt Jaehyun’s fingers move a bit faster. 

Jaehyun growled at your words and without warning he replaced his fingers with his member and slammed into you, grabbing both your hands and retrained them behind your back. He marvelled at the site of your face pressed into the bed as he restrained your touch and fucked you from behind. 

“That feels so fuckiing good Jae” you cried, the sensation was already too much for you to handle but you tried your best not to chase your orgasm just yet. 

“You're so tight fuck” Jaehyun groaned as he felt you squeeze around him sending his mind into a frenzy. Jaehyun pulled out of you and flipped you back over, entering you while your thighs locked around his waist. Your eyes were locked on him as he fucked you harder than anyone has before, that shy boy he was a few hours ago was completely gone. 

“Are you ready to cum baby?” Jaehyun hummed in your ear as he still pounded into you mercilessly and wrapped his hand around throat. 

“Y-yeah” you managed to say, feeling as though you were going to see fucking stars any second. 

Jaehyun bit into your shoulder as he used all his energy to bring to your orgasm before he himself exploded. You finally sighed deeply signaling your orgasm had reached and Jaehyun pulled out of you, coming undone all over your stomach, the sight of him totally fucked out was absolutely delicious. 

Jaehyun watched you swipe your index finger across your stomach and bring it to your mouth, tasting him as if it was the sweetest thing in the world. 

“Fuck…” he watched you, already feeling like you were about to make him as hard as a rock again. 

You wrapped your hand around his neck and pulled him in for a soft yet passionate kiss. Jaehyun broke away and quickly got tissues to clean the both of you up before collapsing in the bed next to you. 

“That was the best fuck i've had in my entire life” he sighed and placed his arm around your head and pulled you into a tight hug. 

“Same for me baby, but let's get dressed before one of my crazy friends decides to join us” you giggled and threw him his boxers. 

You and Jaehyun dressed up and you managed to safety pin the skirt rip Jaehyun had made, still hearing him mutter apologies as the two of you made your way back to the party. 

The two of you found the main group hanging around the kitchen snacking on pizza until they saw the two of you and everyone started howling and whistling. 

“Can you guys shut the fuck up” You rolled your eyes as you grabbed a slice and rested your head on Ten’s shoulder. Johnny went in and high fived Jaehyun, “damn didn't think you had it in you brother” Johnny patted his back as Jaehyun slipped into the seat next to you and held your waist. 

“I guess Jaehyun is one of us” Taeyong said, quite impressed by the outcome. 

“I told you guys, oh wait” You stopped to pull out your phone and turn on the front facing camera, “smile” 

Jaehyun chuckled and leaned closer into the frame as the flash blinked, just before the shutter went off you turned to him and licked his cheek seductively. Taking a quick look at the picture you smirked as you uploaded the picture to your instagram and watched as your whole timeline exploded with the scandalous picture. 

You held the phone up to Jaehyun as he watched the comments flooding in, many people mad at his adultery and many people surprised he managed to even pull a girl like you and gave him props. 

“Welcome to the freaks club Jung Jaehyun” you smirked.

Taeten x reader prequel here 

[dhampirwomen]

if the vampire academy show gets multiple seasons, i really hope it changes the direction of the rose/adrian relationship bc i can’t think of any good reason to write a show where a black woman is villainized and used as a plot device for her white oppressor's manpain. regardless of your personal feelings on rose or adrian, the concept of a narrative where the black heroine is put in a bad position at the end of her own story to set up more angst for her white ex-boyfriend is a bad choice, for both meta and story reasons.

wrt meta reasons why keeping things the same as spirit bound/last sacrifice is a bad idea, following the books faithfully would prob open the door to a lot of fandom antiblackness and sexism against rose as a character and sisi as an actor. rose is already an overhated character in book fandom and reviews bc of the rosdrian subplot, with many of the same people who don’t see an issue with adrian’s sexually harassing or objectifying rose calling rose an abuser, manipulator, gold-digger and a mix of sexist and racist slurs for not returning adrian’s feelings and/or for not being loyal to him. ofc this isn’t behavior that’s unique to adrian fandom bc all fandoms have sexism/racism problems, and i’m def not saying all adrian fans are anti-rose or that anyone is bad in any way for liking adrian. imo you can love/appreciate adrian as a character and still see that the va show is better off avoiding the books’ take on the rosdrian subplot. black characters- esp black women- always get more flack from fandom and their choices are judged more harshly, rose/sisi is already getting a lot of hate from racists who hate the show reality that rose hathaway is a black woman, and there’s no need to stoke the misogynoir flames even more by making rose “at fault” for how her dynamic with adrian plays out.

the show could write any number of new subplots where (assuming the show wants to keep the canon endgames intact):

(if adrian’s behavior is changed) adrian has unrequited feelings for rose for a while but they don’t actually date, he takes no for an answer after some flirting and his romance shifts to adrian/sydney once sydney takes a more active role in the plot

(if adrian’s behavior is changed) rosdrian date, but they do it in a casual, no-strings-attached way where they break up at some point before they get together with their endgames. there are no hard feelings between them

(if adrian’s behavior stays the same) rosdrian’s trajectory stays mostly the same but the breakup is abt rose getting some catharsis calling adrian out for objectifying her, which could kickstart adrian’s redemption arc. this option would prob be closest to canon, but rose gets a mini-arc that culminates in her standing up for herself against a royal who disrespected her and adrian realizes he needs to start acting better with women who are lower than him on the moroi social hierarchy, which would pay forward with adrian/sydney

this is just me floating a few options and i’d love to hear other ppl’s suggestions wrt how this subplot could go if y’all have any. but the most important point is: no matter what happens or how adrian is written, rose shouldn’t cheat on adrian and shouldn’t be written like the breakup is her fault, like she’s responsible for adrian’s feelings, or like she "owes” adrian a chance at any point. even if adrian is written like a legit nice guy and doesn’t coerce rose in the show, the main issue with the cheating plot is richelle m using rose as an “ex who broke his heart” plot device to give adrian more tragic backstory in a spinoff, without giving rose any of the detailed catharsis, recovery and healing she wrote for adrian in that new series. the va show, like the main series, is rose’s story, and it needs to stay rose’s story without sacrificing her character development or marring her hea so it can contrive more angst for a white supporting character.

[cherrykindness]

wild tweets |

pairing: Harry Styles x Actress!Reader

summary: as newlyweds, you and harry read thirsty comments for buzzfeed.

warning: it's thirsty tweets, so below there is adult humor 😳

"It's a bright, sunny morning in Los Angeles, and there's nothing I want more than to be on BuzzFeed and read wild tweets alongside my husband."

"Thirsty tweets, babe." Harry corrected, laughing out loud with the producers behind the cameras.

"Thirsty Tweets." You said quickly, putting your hand over your mouth to stifle a giggle. "I'm terrible at that, I'm sorry. Can we start over?"

"Let's take a break for one to two minutes. You've given us a great introduction, Y/N."

You shook your head, smiling shyly before turning to Harry, who was already watching you with that easy smile at the corner of his lips. You liked how his hand remained firmly on yours, making those circular movements with the thumb that always served as a natural medice for your anxiety.

"You look so fucking beautiful."

The pleated dress with flounce sleeves fit you like a glove. You had made peace with the various shades of white since the wedding and knew that Harry liked to see you in that color too.

"Thank you, you're not too bad either, Styles."

You intimately suspected that Harry would always seem far beyond that "not bad" that came out as a euphemism from your mouth. He wore nothing but a pair of bell-bottom pants in a strong shade of blue and a soft vest printed with fluffy little sheep on a striped American collared shirt - in your opinion, no one could look better in farm animal clothing than Harry Styles and Princess Diana with her red "Black Sheep" sweater in the 1980s. In contrast, you knew your husband well enough to know that he was arrogant and knew exactly how hot he looked - you also made your thoughts clear enough when you kept him backstage beyond ten minutes in a rather heated kissing session.

"Are you anxious?" you asked curiously, remaining with downcast eyes fixed on the strokes that remained assiduous on your warm skin. "To read about how the whole internet dreams of fucking my wife?! Of course." Harry joked, leaning over to leave a small one on your cheek. "We agree on that, don't we? Although I'm a little nervous, I'm really interested to know all the crazy things they say about you. Everyone knows you're mine at the end of the day, that's enough."

At the end of the break, you and Harry made a silent agreement that you should be the first to pick up one of the scattered papers in the red pot. There were quite a significant amount of tweets, and as much as you were used to reading rather sordid things about your husband on the Internet, the excitement was there as if you were wading into uncharted territory.

"I would be a good girl all year round if Santa guaranteed me a threesome with Harry and Y/N Styles on Christmas Eve." You laughed, Harry staring at the camera with an expression close to the meme of the surprised Pikachu. "You guys are incredibly nasty, I love it."

"If that was the first one, I'm really worried about the next ones." Harry commented with a little corner smile, picking the next tweet out of the bucket. "I have an entire folder on Pinterest dedicated to Harry Styles' hands, and let me tell you why: those hands are art, and art needs to be recognized."

"What- Guys, you promised you wouldn't post my anonymous tweets here." You quipped with false reproach, laughing at your own stupid joke while everyone else in the studio did the same. "But I can't blame her, honestly." Shaking your shoulders, you opened another piece of paper. "Harry Styles finally confessed that he wrote Watermelon Sugar for Y/N!!!! Are you guys imagining the same thing as me?!!!!!! 🥵🍆💦"

"Exhausted emoji, eggplant emoji, and water emoji?" Harry frowned, staring at the tweet you held up. "I imagine you're in need of a vacation somewhere refreshing and you're craving a fruit that everyone eats like it's really a vegetable."

"That reminded me of that story-" You laughed, hiding your face on the table as Harry continued to offer a poker face to the camera, struggling not to keep up with you laughter. "I'm sorry, lovie, I have to share this with the rest of the world." You stated, wiping a few tears from the corner of your eyes. "Harry always wears those fancy suits to concerts, right?! Right! Turns out he looks really hot in some, like his ass molds perfectly into those tight pants and everything. I was home that night because I wasn't feeling well enough to face the big crowds, but I was still following everything on twitter. It was a concert in London, not so far from where we lived at the time, so it was obvious that he would come home after it was over. I follow some portals that do really fast updates of pictures, videos, etc; everything that happened at Harry's concert was on my timeline in a matter of seconds. When one of these profiles uploaded a picture of him with his back to the camera in a heavily accentuated black and white suit, I quickly sent him the image along with a peach emoji and then wrote "looks good tonight". He didn't reply to me until a few hours later, of course, but I obviously didn't expect a "ready for a Fifth Avenue peach salad for dinner?" and numerous cutlery emojis."

Harry rolled his eyes comically, indulging in laughter as did everyone else who occupied the backstage area.

"I'm against the eroticization of emojis." He said between uncompensated breaths, shaking his head negatively. "Let's go to the next ones, please, I'm already feeling exposed enough here."

"I like your old-fashioned spirit, baby." You assured him with a smile, laying on the sturdy shoulder hidden under the fluffy fabric.

Harry chuckled low, leaving a little kiss on the top of your head before selecting the next paper. The fans would die when that video aired, everyone was sure. You two easily forgot the cameras when you were side by side, and the public display of affection had never been a problem.

"My life mission is to look at someone the way Harry looks at Y/N and be reciprocated the way Y/N looks at Harry, then I could die happy." Harry read. "That was very good and healthy, thank you!" He smiled. "But don't settle for death in that case, please. Just make sure to keep that person around forever."

"Awn, we got so sweet now." You made a pout. "Thank you for sending us something so cute! I really hope you find the right person soon." Sending a kiss to the camera, you moved on to the next tweet. "I wouldn't want to get a golden ticket to visit Willy Wonka's factory, I would like to get a golden ticket to actively participate in Y/N and Harry Styles' Honeymoon.

"That was creative, so I will disregard the fact that you removed my last name from my wife's name." Harry joked.

"I will always be an Y/L/N." You flashed the tongue. "We had a great Honeymoon, but I know you guys already know all about it because there are pictures all over the internet of outings that I don't even remember existed."

"Even though we chose a rather reserved city, many paparazzi still managed to photograph some of our nights there." Harry agreed. "There was one particular day when we opted to have dinner at a restaurant near the beach. Y/N had found it even before the trip, it was pretty laid back and we could spend the evening at karaoke. I don't really remember what happened, but we woke up the next day with a terrible hangover, still wearing the clothes from the dinner and with several headlines saying that I was cheating on my wife in the middle of our Honeymoon with a blue-haired italian girl."

"That wig made me sexy, man." You blinked, laughing as you remembered the situation. "It's a shame the paparazzi only got low quality images, but I swear I looked really amazing that night. Italy, I miss you."

"We're coming to the end and I haven't had to ask production for a glass of water yet, thank you to whoever selected these tweets." Harry raised his thumb to the camera, smiling before turning his gaze back to the small paper he had chosen. "Y/N could literally punch me in the face and I would just bow down and thank them for it." He laughed. "She has heavy hands, so I would rethink that choice."

"It takes strong hands to be a superheroine." You blinked gracefully, referring to your works as a Marvel actress. "I move around a lot during the night, so I'll take this lovely opportunity to say that twitter can dismiss all the malicious theories about Harry always show up with a new bruise all over his body."

"Please stop making indecent assumptions while Y/N is aggressive with me at night only unconsciously, her father has access to social media."

You laughed, clearing your throat before reading the next obscenity aloud.

"I would sell all my possessions to have Y/N sitting on my lap for ten seconds."

"Oh my God." Harry laughed out loud, throwing his head back. "I should have said that in our wedding vows."

You shook your head, laughing low as you set the tweet aside.

"That was pretty funny and cheeky, I approve."

"Okay, looks like we finally got to the last one." Harry announced, waving the paper in the air dramatically before opening it. "Harry could literally crush me with those boots while fuc- I need that glass of water." He said dumbfounded, hiding his face between his hands after throwing the tweet over his shoulder. You laughed out loud next to the organizers, and meanwhile Harry leaned his head on your bust, staring at you still with wide eyes. "Please promise that we will be careful with our future children on the internet."

[springsaladgaming]

Ninelives is an Interactive Fiction game that is still in development! It originally started in ChoiceScript and is currently being moved to Twine. Many of the assets in this project are filler elements and will not be in the final product.

Summary:

Your life is complicated. You've recently lost your job, you have parents who may or may not hate you for reasons you're not clear on, and your brother refuses to leave you alone no matter how you feel about it. But things could be worse. And, oh, do they get worse when you learn you have a special ability that's not all it's cracked up to be. What's more is, the wrong people find out about it. Now you have to figure out how to get them before they get you.

Genres: supernatural, sci-fi

Features:

A customizable main character! You get to decide your name, gender, pronouns, appearance, and sexuality, as well as some aspects of your past.

A colorful cast of characters, including 6 optional romance choices, romanceable by any gender. You can also explore the dynamics between your possibly (probably) overbearing brother and your parents.

A personality and stats system that will change your experiences with the people and world around you as you play.

The opportunity to cheat death! Possibly more than once...

Romance Options

Alex Roben (27, NB, they/them, bisexual): Your one-and-only best friend (and maybe long-time crush). Alex is outgoing, outspoken, playful, and confident. They can be nosy and curious, but they’re always respectful of your privacy and never push too far. Sometimes deserving of the title “Little Shit,” but there’s no one you would rather have as your bestie. Not that they would give you much choice. Appearance: Alex is 6'2", broad and chubby, with tawny-beige skin. They have dark-brown, curly long hair, which they typically keep in a messy bun atop their head. Their eyes are brown, their facial features an even mix between angular and soft, and they have a light dusting of brown freckles across their nose. They used to explore fashion a bit more in the past. Since beginning work at the Hansboro Post, however, they’ve taken to wearing polos a lot for a business-casual look, even on their days off. They usually pair that with slacks or knee-length skirts depending on how they are feeling on a given day. Their favorite colors to wear are dark greens and light grays.

Ansel (33, Male, trans/genderqueer, he/him, pansexual): The very odd and somewhat eccentric owner of a small café called Under-Cover where you end up looking for a prospective job. Ansel can have a flair for the dramatic, especially in how he talks, but he can be straight to the point when he wants to be. He has a slightly playful air about him, sometimes even in serious situations, that makes it difficult to guess his motives. It’ll be up to you whether or not to trust what he says. Appearance: Ansel is 6'5" and slim with white skin and wavy golden-blond hair. Ansel’s hair is a little past shoulder length when worn down, though he almost always keeps it tied up in a ponytail. He has heterochromia, his eyes being brown and blue, and he wears thin-framed rectangular glasses. His facial features are very angular. Ansel’s wardrobe is very consistent as he exclusively wears button-up collared shirts and black or beige slacks. He has a wide variety of shirt colors, but he favors greens and yellows.

Teagan White (24, Male, cisgender, he/him, bisexual demiromantic): A young man who frequents the café, Under-Cover. Teagan is known for having a pretty bad attitude to strangers. He prefers direct conversation and plain honesty to sarcasm or harsh criticism and typically responds very poorly to the latter. Not easy to get close to, this one, but once he’s close enough to consider someone a friend, he would do pretty much anything for them. Appearance: Teagan is 5'8" with white skin and a slightly athletic build, although it’s difficult to tell under the baggy street-style clothes he usually wears. His hair is bleached with light green strands framing his face. The colors of his brows would indicate his natural hair color is either dark-blond or light-brown. He has light-green eyes, and his facial features are on the softer side. He has a modestly-sized gauge in each ear. Teagan doesn’t really have a preference for clothing color, but he ends up wearing a lot of dark colors.

Cherry Preston (25, Female, cisgender, she/her, pansexual): A shy young woman who works at the café, Under-Cover. Cherry is quiet and soft-spoken. Being around a lot of people, especially strangers, makes her uncomfortable, which makes her quiet and slow-paced job a good fit for her. Despite how timid she seems, Cherry is empathetic to a surprising degree. She has a really good sense of how people feel, even if she doesn’t always know what to say about it. She hates her name but goes by it anyway. Appearance: Cherry stands at a height of 5′3″ and is very chubby. She has pink skin and is covered genrously from head-to-toe with red freckles. She has a head of ginger-red frizzy hair, which she typically keeps cut short around her ears. Her eyes are green, and her face has soft features. Cherry’s style can best be described as comfortable. She has no prefence for color, but her clothes need to be soft, loose, and breathable. She tends to wear sweats or sweaters during the cold months and sticks to large t-shirts that are plain and solid in color during the hots months. She doesn’t really like to wear skirts, so she mostly sticks to pants. Occasionally she will break out a colorful summer dress.

Lucia Davis-Vasquez (27, Female, cisgender, she/her, bisexual): Lucia is the newest employee at the café called Under-Cover. She’s cheerful, open-minded, and outgoing. She’s always looking to try new things and rarely spends a minute of the day idle. Her optimistic and outgoing attitude can sometimes get her in trouble with her more timid friends, whom she pushes to interact with people more than she should. Not easily daunted, Lucia is a good person to have at your side when the going gets tough. Appearance: Lucia is 5′10″ with an athletic build. She has warm dark-brown skin as well as dark-brown eyes. Her face has soft features, with the exception of her jaw and cheekbones, which are both somewhat angular. Her coiled hair is a brown so dark it almost looks black. Lucia is a bit of a fashionista, so she changes her hair style frequently, along with the clothing she wears. She has a particular love for more unorthodox styles, and she prefers wearing contrasting colors that really make her outfits pop. She has an artistic rendition of a rose tattooed on her right shoulder.

Rene Michel (31, Male, cisgender, he/him, a-spec panromantic): One of the most understanding people you could ever meet. Rene is so kind and patient it should be illegal. He works several days a week leading group painting classes and teaches art classes to kids some weekends. He’s also quite a techie and spends a lot of time on the computer when he’s not working on his art. He’s a lot quicker than he lets on and is fluent in at least three languages. He might be too kind-hearted for his own good, but that doesn’t mean he’s a pushover. Appearance: Rene is 5′7″ and on the scrawny side. He has warm medium-brown skin and dark-brown eyes. His hair is short, coiled, and usually kept in twists. His natural hair color is black, though he dyes his hair often, exploring a wide array of colors. He has soft facial features, and he wears thick-framed, rectangular glasses, of which he changes the color often. Rene enjoys different types of fashion. However, because he paints a lot (and often gets it on his clothes) he sticks mostly to jeans and graphic t-shirts. (Never long-sleeved shirts. He hates sleeves.) He likes all colors, so he doesn’t have a preference for his outfits or his hair. He has a tattoo on his left arm that is a stylized fish of indeterminant species that he designed himself.

DEMO:

Twine (last updated 12/25/23)

Original ChoiceScript (old game version)

The public Twine demo currently includes through part 1 of Chapter 3 and is ~69k works (including code).

The CS demo, which is no longer being updated, is approximately 105k words in total length (including code).

[bellyfisher]

strawberries and cigarettes

read on ao3! | 2.2k words

summary: Conrad stops me and tilts my head to look into his eyes, he’s staring at my lips, “So if I kissed you right now, you wouldn’t feel anything?” His voice goes dark.

aka Belly and Conrad do kiss the first night.

It’s the first night in Cousins for the summer. I put on my black one piece, the only swimsuit that still fits me. I grab my purple towel and head out to the pool. Night swims are my favorite, it’s like liminal space. An alternate reality where time isn’t real for awhile. I feel braver in the pool. After doing a few laps, I come up for air and Conrad sits on the edge in his signature pink hoodie and dark blue shorts. His feet submerged, a beer bottle next to him, and a cigarette in his mouth.

“Belly your night swims aren’t exactly a secret.” My mouth opens into an “O” shape. He’s been paying attention to me?

“Since when do you smoke?” I stare up at him. I need to change the subject immediately.

“Why does it matter?” He states back simply.

“You always said smoking was bad for you. Messes with the white matter in your brain.”

“God, do you memorize everything I say?” He tilts his head with a smirk on his face. He knows what he’s doing.

“No. But you need to stop smoking.” I try my best to seem unaffected. He isn’t winning this game.

“What will you give me if I do?” Conrad’s voice gets lower, he’s taunting me. And the game just changed again. Conrad has always kept me on my toes. I can lean into whatever this is or pretend I don’t know what he’s trying to do.

I stare at Conrad for a few moments and decide to cock my head, the bravery of night helping me, “Actually I change my mind, smoking is hot”. I smirk at him, wondering if he’ll call me on my bluff.

“Come light it for me then.” I stare blankly not thinking I would get this far. I start to open my mouth and give in, copping out of this game of chicken. “Do you want to get out of here?” Conrad asks before I can get a word out.

I hold out my arm silently as he helps me out of the pool. I slide on some shorts over my one piece. Is this real? I don’t say a word, scared to break whatever trance Conrad may be in.

We get to his car in the driveway and he checks his pocket for his keys. “Shit.” He mumbles.

I start to laugh and point, “Hey look in your front seat.”

“Oh you’re fucking kidding me!” He bellows. There they are, sitting on the driver’s seat in his locked car.

“Shh you’re gonna wake moms. They would kill me if they knew i was leaving the house this late.”

“But you’re with me.” He winks.

“I don’t think they would approve of this situation though.” He grabs my hand and starts fast walking to the road.

“Where are we going?” I ask him

“I don’t know but I just want to get out of here, you know?”

“Yeah I get it.” And I did. It was probably for very different reasons but on some level Conrad and I always understood each other. “So when did you start smoking Mr. bad boy?”

“When I quit football.” He shrugs like it was just a blip in an otherwise uninteresting life he led.

“Well why did you quit?”

“I dont know.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” It comes out harsher than I mean it to. Conrad can hide from everyone else, but he can’t hide from me.

“Language Belly!”

“Don’t call me Belly. And stop avoiding the question.”

“Okay I quit because of my dad. I just don’t want to be like him.”

Conrad gripped my hand tighter as he said that. I squeezed him back to let him know I was still there. That I wasn’t actually mad.

“Is that the only thing that’s wrong?” After the words leave my mouth, the walk is silent for 5 minutes. I don’t want to push him because I don’t want this to end. If Conrad changes the subject I decide in my mind that I won’t push it more.

Conrad sighs, like he’s trying to give himself confidence, “I just-how could he cheat on my mom you know? Am I hard-wired to be a shitty person? Is it in my genes?”

The idea of Adam cheating on Susannah makes me want to cry, but I’m determined to be strong for Conrad, “Mr. Fisher made his choices and I think you sitting here saying you’re scared you’ll be like him means you aren’t.”

“I just couldn’t live with myself if I became a bad person, you know.” Conrad looks away from me as he says this. He’s still holding my hand though.

“Conrad, you could never be a bad person.” My voice softens as I realize this is one of Conrad’s deepest fears.

“You’re just saying that because you’ve always had a crush on me.” His tone is lighter at a flip of a switch, he’s nudging me while I giggle.

My cheeks turn hot and red as I look down, “Maybe I’m just taking pity on you?”

Conrad stops me and tilts my head to look into his eyes, he’s staring at my lips, “So if I kissed you right now, you wouldn’t feel anything?” His voice goes dark.

Be strong, Belly. “N-nope. I wouldn’t feel anything but pity.”

“Belly I know I’m a good kisser. I’ll have you weak in the knees.” He would, he does already. But I’m not admitting to anything.

I lick my lips. The air is silent. It’s 85 degrees outside but I’m shivering. Conrad pulls off his sweatshirt and gives it to me to wear. He doesn’t take his eyes off of me the whole time.

Is he going to kiss me? Are my dreams really coming true?

He leans down and presses his lips to mine. He starts softly, his mouth still closed. I take my hand out of his and put it around his neck. He takes the opportunity to put his hands on my waist and deepen the kiss. When he opens his mouth to meet with my tongue, he tastes like strawberries and cigarettes. I decide in that moment that strawberries will never taste the same to me again.

I pull away and look up at him, both of us breathing heavily. Before I can get a word out he’s crashing his lips into mine again. He lifts me up like i weigh nothing and I wrap my legs around him. The kiss has gone from soft and thoughtful to passionate and overwhelming. He kisses me like im air he needs to breathe. After a minute or an hour, I can't even begin to tell, he finally puts me down.

“Wow.” Is all I can manage to breathe out.

“Told you I’m a good kisser.” He winks at me again. I shove him playfully. He grabs my hand again as we keep walking.

“Where are we going anyways?”

“There’s a treehouse in a park that has a really good view of the beach. You’ll love it.”

————————————————————————

Conrad holds my hand to help me up the ladder. Once we’re up, I sit next to him. Our legs are straight but touching each other on the side. My whole body is buzzing from the high of this night. Conrad pulls out another cigarette.

“I was serious earlier, you should quit.” Conrad looks at me and lights the cigarette with no shame, “Fine but I’m not coming to visit you when you get lung cancer.”

“Oh Belly ever the optimist. What if I never get lung cancer?”

“Okay either way I don’t want to listen to your smoker’s cough for the rest of our lives. It’s gross.”

Conrad quietly smokes the cigarette, refusing to answer me. So I lay back on my hands and look out over the ocean. Not much to see in the dark, but the stars are out in full force tonight.

“Do you ever get scared that you won’t live up to the potential everyone sees in you?” I startle a little bit, not expecting Conrad to talk.

“Well actually I don’t think people see anything in me besides this annoying little girl, so no. Can’t say I relate.”

Conrad is silent.

“But for what it’s worth, I think the only person worried about that is you. Your mom and Jeremiah would always love you no matter what. I mean Susannah is worried sick about you. I overheard her talking to my mom about it.”

“Yeah but they’re forced to love me no matter what.”

“Well okay then consider me. I don’t have to like you at all, and I practically worship the ground you walk on. I could have easily decided Jeremiah was perfect to me, but I chose you for a reason.” I giggle a little bit. Trying to lighten the mood but it doesn’t seem to help, “If it makes you feel better, I feel like I’m never going to find a place that’s home to me.”

“Ah you’re young though. Maybe you’ll find home wherever you go to college.”

“Yeah but I think home will always be Cousins to me. And I don’t see how I would end up living here full-time.”

“Here I’ll make you a deal: I give you the summer house when it’s inevitably passed to me, and you get off my ass about smoking.” Conrad finally cracks a smile.

“Deal.” I shake his hand, “I’m holding you to that.”

“I expect nothing less from you.”

We talk up in that treehouse until the sun rises. We don’t talk about anything of substance really. Just teachers we had in school, what classes Conrad is taking in the fall, our best summer memories.

“My favorite memory I think is the first belly flop we ever did. The look of pure terror on your face, mom’s laughter, the unadulterated joy of the summer house.” I wince. I remember it differently. It felt like a game everyone else was in on except for me. Although, it does boost my ego that I’m in his favorite summer memory and not some girl he’s made out with. Even if I am one of those girls now.

I don’t tell him this night is my favorite memory, I’ll keep it to myself for now.

“We should probably get back to the house.” I say starting to stand up, “I don’t feel like walking so I’m calling Steven. He owes me a no-questions-asked.”

Conrad follows me down the ladder. We sit on a bench for a few minutes in total silence. Steven pulls up and Jeremiah is in the passenger seat, forcing me and Conrad to sit in the back.

“Why were you guys out so late?” Steven immediately tries to ask.

“Nope.” I pop, “You owe me a no questions asked. And out of the rules of a no-questions-asked I will not elaborate for your sake why you owe me one.” I say sternly. (He owes me one because I caught him writing Drarry fanfiction two months ago).

Steven grumbles, Jeremiah raises an eyebrow at me through the rearview mirror and I give him a small smile. I look out the window, and I feel Conrad grab three of my fingers gently.

So it was real to him too and I can’t help the giddiness I feel. My heart starts racing. I'm sure everyone can hear it.

————————————————————————-

I pass out at the summer house. Thankfully, mom and Susannah never found out I left. I slept until about 2 PM that day. When I make my way to the kitchen, Conrad is sitting at the island eating a bowl of cereal.

“Mornin’” I smile at him. I get nothing but a grunt in return. I’m a little bit stunned. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this, “You okay?” I ask as I go in the fridge for a yogurt.

“Yeah, Belly. I’m fine.” His tone feels straightforward. Why is he doing this?

“Why are you being like that?” My voice gets small. Conrad wouldn’t rip last night away from me, I know him.

“I’m not being like anything.”

“You weren’t acting like this last night.” There’s hurt in my voice. I don’t want it to be there.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Nothing happened last night.” He looks up at me. Daring me to start an argument.

“I really can’t believe you, asshole. After all you said to me? It was real and you know it. I don’t know why you’re hiding from me.”

“Belly, you’re acting crazy.” He gets up to wash his dish, “I’ve gotta go. Told Jeremiah I would surf with him.”

Conrad walks out the back door towards the beach without so much as looking back at me. I can still taste him on my lips and I’m still wearing his sweatshirt that lingers of his smell. Instead of making me happy, it makes me sob. It will always be Conrad’s choice if we’re together or not, and I get that now.