#th: taco bout it

[aquamanandfriends]

Rafael pulled her close then reached for the blanket and covered them up, bundling Carmen tightly against his chest before he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "I love you," he whispered. Raf's hand brushed up and down her back, slow and soft. They had a lot to cover in the morning but he didn't want to think that far ahead, just live in this perfect moment.

Carmen lifted her hips and urged Rafael to lay back. Once he was comfortable, she rested her head against his chest, happy to hear the familiar beat of his heart. She nuzzled against his chest, tucked her curls back, and smiled, beyond content to have him home.

[f0xd13-blog]

Free ths language of tacos, just the language. "My" culture . Bitch stop treating us like slaves last time I ask u this and stop taking "my" culture too personal u know what i'm talking bout . Now I isn't shut and u can bedo a carnation like get watered and shit

[dinofelissnow1985]

Of Birds and Butterflies

by DinofelisSnow1985

Chapter 10

Not long after, Blue got home.

In the qiet of the house he was able to pick up the faintest vibration of a purr. It came from Red's room.

Blue got up the stairs and carefully opened Red's door.

Sans knelt in front of the bed, gently petting Red's skull and recounting stories from his past. Blue picked up the name 'Gaster' a few times. He remembered his own Gaster. In his world the Gaster-thing went a little different from Sans'.

When the door creaked a little in its hinges Red abruptly froze, going stiff as a board, stopping breathing and Eye Lights going out.

Sans was quick to reassure the vulnerable monster. He never ceased his gentle petting and murmured in a soothing tone. "It's okay, it's just Blue. We won't let anyone get close enough to hurt you. Breathe, Red. Slowly. In... and out... in... and out. That's it. You doing great, little Cherry."

Red paused again. Now for a different reason.

Slowly he moved his Eye Lights towards Sans and stared at him for several seconds.

"Where does tha' come from?"

He was absolutely not blushing his namesake.

Sans grinned a little sheepish. "What? Don't like the nickname? I can come up with something else if you want."

Blue took pity on Red and finally came over to the bed. "SANS, STOP FLUSTERING RED," he scolded. "HE CAN'T EITHER FLEE NOR FIGHT BACK. THAT'S UNFAIR. AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL HE IS BACK ON HIS FEET AGAIN BEFORE YOU START FLIRTING IN EARNEST."

Sans, gremlin that he was, just grinned unashamed. "But he's so cute when flustered."

Red spluttered and was unable to make any kind of response, before he eventually stuttered, "k-kay, cha-change a topic. Please."

Blue redirected his attention to Red. "I AM SORRY, RED. OF COURSE WE CAN TALK ABOUT SOMETHING DIFFERENT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT?"

Red took a few breaths to calm down and force the blush from his face.

"Da asshat 'ere," Red nodded towards Sans as good as was possible with his neckbrace, "tol' me 'bout dis world an' 'ow dey got outta Underground an' sh-... stuff. Ya both know mah story an' 'bout mah Underground, but i dun know shi-uhh... a-an'thin' 'bout da 'verse ya come from, Blue."

Blue beamed. He noticed how hard Red tried to not curse. He really apprecciated that. Then he took a moment to think about how to start.

"WELL, MY WORLD IS CALLED UNDERSWAP. YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED THAT MY MAGNIFICENT PERSONALITY RESEMBLES CLOSELY THAT OF THIS WORLD'S PAPYRUS." Red hummed to confirm he noticed and to show that he was listening. "SO, IN UNDERSWAP CERTAIN... 'ROLES' ARE... WELL... SWAPPED.

LIKE FOR EXAMPLE ME AND MY BROTHER, FLOWEY AND TEMMIE, UNDYNE AND ALPHYS, THE KING AND QUEEN, ETC. WE DON'T HAVE METTATON, BUT NAPSTATON, HE IS A FAMOUS DJ. FURTHER ARE FRISK AND CHARA SWAPPED, BRATTY AND CATTY WITH THE BUNNY LADIES, AS WELL AS MK AND ASRIEL, AND GASTER AND THE RIVERPERSON. AND BP AND THE NICE CREAM GUY.

SOME THINGS ARE NOT SWAPPED YET DIFFERENT, LIKE I DIDN'T MASTER THE ART OF SPAGHETTI COOKING, BUT ASSEMBLING TACOS. MY BROTHER DOESN'T DRINK A CONDIMENT, HE CONSUMES HONEY. AND HE SMOKES WHEN STRESSED OUT. WE ARE TWINS, WITH ME BEING THE FIRSTBORN AND, UNLIKE SANS, I AM NOT THE JUDGE OF MY WORLD. ALSO OUR SNOWDIN UNIT DOES NOT CONSIST OF DOGS, BUT CATS. WHEN I GOT HERE MONSTERKIND WAS STILL UNDERGROUND."

Red let all that information slowly sink in. "Ya say ya Gaster is swapped wi' da Riverguy? Does tha' mean in ya world da Riverguy fell in th' Core?"

"WELL, NOT QUITE. THAT IS ANOTHER THING THAT WENT DIFFERENT. GASTER IS MINE AND PAPPY'S FATHER AND ONCE WAS THE ROYAL SCIENTIST. WHEN WE STILL WERE PRETTY YOUNG OUR GASTER HAD AN ACCIDENT WHILE DOING SOME MAINTENANCE AT THE CORE. I AM NOT THAT GOOD WITH SCIENCEY STUFF AND WAS WAY TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND ANY OF THAT ANYWAYS. HOWEVER, OUR FATHER DIDN'T FALL INTO THE CORE BUT STILL WAS EFFECTED BY IT. HE SLOWLY LOST HIS MEMORIES AND AT SOME POINT HE EVEN DIDN'T REMEMBER US. SINCE HE COULDN'T BE A SCIENTIST ANYMORE HE BECAME THE RIVERPERSON. OVER TIME HIS ACTUAL NAME BECAME FORGOTTEN BY THE OTHER MONSTERS AND PAPPY AND I MAY STILL REMEMBER HIM, BUT IT HURTS TO THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT HIM.

WHEN HE... FORGOT ABOUT US MUFFET TOOK PAPPY AND ME IN AND RAISED US AS HERS. SHE IS SWAPPED WITH GRILLBY IN MY WORLD, BY THE WAY."

"How did'ja get here?"

"WELL, WHEN WE GREW UP PAPPY TURNED OUT AS SMART AND SCIENCEY AS OUR FATHER AND BEGAN TO DIG AROUND IN HIS OLD WORK FILES. HE MADE OUR BASEMENT INTO A LABORATORY WHEN WE ACQUIRED OUR HOUSE SINCE MUFFET'S PLACE BECAME TOO SMALL FOR THE THREE OF US. HE BUILT THE MACHINE, BUT NEVER GOT IT TO WORK.

THEN CHARA FELL INTO THE UNDERGROUND AND WENT THROUGH SEVERAL RESETS. PAPPY STILL WORKED ON THE MACHINE AND ONE DAY WE GOT INTO A FIGHT OVER THAT THING. PAPPY WAS POSSESSED BY THE IDEA TO FIND A WAY OUT OF THE UNDERGROUND WHEN HE MANAGED TO GET THE MACHINE TO FUNCTION. HE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING ELSE AND THAT MADE ME ANGRY, HE WASN'T EVEN LISTENING TO ME ANYMORE.

I WRESTLED THE WRENCH OUT OF HIS HANDS AND WIELDED IT WHILE I GAVE PAPPY A PIECE OF MY MIND. THE WRENCH SLIPPED THROUGH MY FINGERS AND ACCIDENTALLY HIT THE MACHINE. IT MADE SOME WEIRD NOISES BUT SINCE NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED WE DIDN'T THINK MUCH OF IT. THE NEXT DAY THE HUMAN RESETTED.

WHEN I WOKE UP I WAS IN SANS' LAB. AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS PAPPY'S, BUT THEN I SAW A FRAMED PICTURE OF SANS AND HIS PAPYRUS, AND KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG.

I UNKNOWINGLY HAD SET OFF SANS' SECURITY SYSTEM AND SUDDENLY HE POPPED UP RIGHT AT THE DOOR." Blue snickered before continuing. "WHEN HE SAW ME HIS EYE SOCKETS BECAME AS BIG AS DINNER PLATES. THAT LOOK OF UTTER DISBELIEF WAS HILARIOUS, LOOKING BACK NOW."

Red snorted. "Pfft, heh, wish i coulda seen dat!"

Blue grinned. "IT WAS, INDEED, A SIGHT TO BE SEEN. I WISH I'D HAD A CAMERA BACK THEN, BUT MY OLD CELLPHONE DIDN'T HAVE THAT FUNCTION ANYWAYS.

HOWEVER, TO MAKE VERY HECTIC AND CONFUSING THINGS SHORT, SANS AND PAPYRUS GAVE ME THEIR GUEST BEDROOM, PAPYRUS GAVE ME THE NICKNAME 'BLUE' AND SANS TRIED TO GET THE MACHINE TO FUNCTION TO SEND ME BACK HOME.

AS WE TOLD YOU SOME TIME BACK, HE ONLY MANAGED TO GET A READING ON MY WORLD. HE FOUND DUE TO MY MAGICAL SIGNATURE, IF I UNDERSTOOD THIS CORRECTLY." He shot Sans a questioning look, who just smiled his gentle, lazy smile and nodded confirming.

"THE RESETS IN MY UNIVERSE CONTINUED ON UNTIL TWO YEARS BACK. ACCORDING TO THE READINGS MONSTERKIND GOT TO THE SURFACE AND THERE HADN'T BEEN ANY MORE RESETS EVER SINCE.

WHILE WE FOLLOWED THE HAPPENINGS IN MY WORLD, WE ALSO DISCOVERED COUNTLESS OTHER UNIVERSES AND SANS STUDIED THEM, TELLING ME WHEN HE FOUND ONE THAT SEEMED PARTICULARLY INTERESTING.

OVER TIME WE FELL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AND A FEW WEEKS AFTER PAP MOVED OUT I WENT INTO HEAT AND... WELL... SAPHY HAPPENED.

AND ABOUT TWO YEARS LATER I GOT PREGNANT WITH OUR LITTLE BIRD. BUT THEN I GOT HIT BY THAT CAR, LOST OUR LITTLE BIRD AND AM UNABLE TO CARRY A SOULING, BUT WE TOLD YOU THIS ALREADY."

Red hummed an affirmative again. "How lon' had it been since ya came here?" he asked.

Blue thought about it. "I THINK IT MUST HAVE BEEN... SOMETHING AROUND EIGHT YEARS BY NOW?" He looked at Sans for confirmation. Sans nodded slowly. "It's been seven years and ten months to be precise, give and take a few days.

Saphy's birthday is only a month away. She surely wants to invite her friends, meaning our house will be swarmed by literally a horde of little monsters. Plus some humans. Luckily you should be back on your feet by then, Red," Sans chuckled.

Red grinned. "Sounds like madness. Will be fun."

Then he yawned long and felt sleepiness seep into his bones. "Nap time, i guess. Wake me when it's time fer mah meds or dinner."

With that Red fell asleep, while Sans and Blue quietly shared some memories and began to make first plans on saphy's birthday.

[leaderintitleonly]

@all-fleshed-out​ asked:

"Opa? Um.. Molly wantsh... um... taco bell!" Come on, she's practically BEGGING! You gonna say no to the baby?

In this dress. With the boob window. Showing off just how out of shape he is. This dress that, though he tries to pull it off, it just clings back on. He can’t very well say no... Molly never asks for anything. Ever. But it is kind of past her bedtime so he just might get a pass on Taco Bell being actually closed. Wow, grandpa you actually are saved here. “M-molly, uh... Kinda needed to get th’ forder- uh, order in ‘bout an hour ‘go. So uh... ‘bout I make y’some lefse?” Not remotely close to a cheesy roll-up and a baja blast but it’s... well it’s something. And he’s going to have to cook in this.

[sa-suga]

HEYHEY KYOUKA i have finally gotten my thoughts in order and you're banned from talking shit about tbbs now its law i'll shank u with love the amt of detail you put into this what th e fu c k now that i've reread it there's still sm more i wanna tACO BOUT & ITS ONLY THE FIRST CHAPTER i literally was unable to even try to delve deeper bc you just kept ASSAULTING ME w/ wonderfulness at every scene LIKE TF LEMME BREATHE im gonna reread this again tmrw u can count on it

KAJDJSJX I JUST SAW YOUR TAGS THANK YOU IM REVIVED FROM MY DEATH AT THE HANDS OF MATH ヾ(´∀`ヾ) wijdjsjx i love reading your tags and thoughts so much omg they're so funny and cute ajdbgkrje also hh im so glad you pointed out the vulture metaphors ahhh i felt v big brained for a moment <3 but ahahaha with every reread i find things i wanna change (；ω；) also yes asanoya insert i hope you're getting some rest in between studying!!

[echy-hexi]

Me:You let a pyro have a match... What did you think she was going to do? Just light her cigarette?

My dad, almost having his eyebrows singed off:Yes

Me:...I'm disappointed

My dad:As you should be.

///

King:hey I gots a question

Me:Nani?

King:What happens when a girl takes a penis enlargement pill?

Me:...I- what?

///

Me:You're too sober Faith, go get a beer.

///

JJ:Bruh why the fuck are the staff at this funeral home crying?

Celo:Because they work at a fucking funeral home

King:But they should be used to it

Me:No mom

JJ:Yea but you'd think they'd be desensitized to it.

Me:they're paid to cry

Celo:People have emotions unlike you. Not everyone is an emotionless piece of shit.

King:Sympathy

JJ:I'm not an emotionless piece of shit, you're confusing me with Faith

Me:lmao

///

JJ:It looks like Satan's cock

Me:Wtf

Celo:It does

Me:How would you kn-... Nvm

King:Satan, did you just send a dick pic? [Context:They all call me "Satan"]

Me:No wtf

JJ:Trap

King:Don't lie

Fai:oh

Me:I'm literally bleeding from my twat and you assume I just sent a dick pic

King:TF is a twat?

Celo:Pussy

King:o

Me:I regret life decisions

///

JJ:Lei are these still your notes for us?

"My brother said he is a explosive potato"

"Oofity scoop"

"I mad I wasted 4 years at LCA"

"ok listen here failed abortion im tired of trying to be nice so fuck off you ugly lonely ugly cunt and good night"

"Drink coffee it doesn't stunt ur growth although u don't have growth"

"lmao I got kicked out of 2 friend groups bc i said tiddies in Japanese"

"This is why you're not allowed to have a kid"

///

JJ:Isen wants to speak to your manager lmfao

///

Me:We're great friends here at Chaotic Evil™ the Group Chat HQ

JJ:Move I'm gay

Fai:Oh great

Me:We know

///

Masky:I don't know JJ I just want to kill someone so I can eat *vibrates eyes*

Me:o h l o r d

Me:gEt ThE hOlY wAtEr MoThErFuCkErS

Masky:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Masky:NOT THAT!

JJ:*sprays with holy water*

Me:XD

Masky:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JJ:*spritz spritz bitch*

///

JJ:Everytime somebody says some dumbass shit I have a split decision between saying: "fuckin pardon?" or "come again *****??"

Fai:Why not both

Fai:Mix them together

JJ:Pardon again *****? Fuckin come again??

///

JJ:Anyway I'll be sleeping w multiple soft n fluffy pillows like the trashy hoe i am and y'all will just have to deal, g'night

///

Me:My sister wants to send a bird and some grass to China

///

Fai:i'll just stab him in the dick. No more kids for you buddy

///

Me:Reasons I don't need to discuss you butt taco

///

Jeffo:That goddamn bever exposed my twitter

///

JJ:Don't fuck rachel gardner tf y'all are both underage

///

Celo:Concern is futile

///

Su:You're literally talking to someone who read Danny x Rachel fanfiction at 5 in the morning

///

King:How y'all doing

Fai:Dying

///

Me:*recites the entire script of "history of the entire world, i guess" in chat*

///

JJ:YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYBODY BEING A BOTTOM CELO

JJ:I PUSHED YOU AND YOU LITERALLY FUCKING MOANED

Su:w o a h t h e r e

///

Me:"My parents are going to beat me" kinky

///

Me:Last year:King being accused of raping JJ

///

Me:ur mum gae

///

Me:SHE WAS LOOKING AT LEVI'S DICK-

Su:And I oop-

Fai:Stop. Halt. Halt. Stop.

///

Me:EVERYONE IS GAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Fai:No lei

King:Nope

Me:GO BACK TO YOUR CLOSET

///

Me:lets rape africa

Fai:lets not???

Me:they scrambled to see who could rape africa the fastest

///

Me:let's blame the maine on spain

///

JJ:Cactus dildo

///

Me:the holes just appear over night and magically get white stuff in them-

Fai:Alright

Su:I-

///

Me:FBI OPEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS

///

Me:michigan's a 4-year-old basic moody bitch wearing crocs and socks drinking some fucking starbucks and breaking down in the corner of america while everyone else gets high and drunk af and ignores him to cry. except ohio

ohio is michigan's not alone buddy

///

Me:kim kardashian is a boy?

///

Me:levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith

Fai:halt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halt

///

Me:all i heard was big. what-

Fai:don't worry bout it

///

JJ:You ask your broke ass friends if they have money

///

Me:my sister has a girlfriend apparently-

Fai:Her hand

Me:no

King:Jeffo

Fai:ye

Me:This chick she met in a game

JJ:When's the wedding

Me:Lmao

///

"You can't legally stab children"

"Not on purpose anyways"

///

Me:TIL my dad's boss lives near Jeffo and my sister's into punky skaters

JJ:TODAY I LEARNED THAT CELO'S MOM KNOWS MY MOM WHAT THE FUCK

Me:so kids what lesson did we learn

Fai/JJ:Nothing

JJ:Jynx

Fai:This is horrible

///

Celo:unholy tutu screeching intensifies

///

Me:im seriously crying by saying "im a weiner dog"

Me:i am the weiner dog

Me:the holy weiner dog

Su:w h e e z e

Me:im the all-mighty weiner dog

Celo:I can't breathe

Su:c r y i n g

Celo:And I'm ashamed

Me:im crying-

Me:im not

Me:im probably contact-high

///

Su:The question is not are you choking, its what are you choking on?

///

JJ:"Go jerk off to your fictional waifus, you horny fucking weeb"

///

JJ:I speak English not oui oui baguette motherfucker

///

King:i just had a flashback of when Destiny Powell started to have nicknames and called Nini tater tot.

King:then christoff just yelled, TATER TOT SHE'S A THOT

JJ:I don't remember Destiny saying that but i definitely remember Christoff saying that

///

Me:hi and welcome to college! you want fresh air? WELL IT CANT FUCKIN HAPPEN! BECAUSE WE'RE TOO AFRAID YOU'RE GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE! SO THIS IS ALL YA GET. A SMALL CRACK IN THE WINDOW!

///

Me:i enjoy the fact that none of us can actually bother correcting shit after sending unless someone points it out or we notice and it pisses us off.

///

Me:i read that as "my new seat in meth is great"

///

JJ:stop flirting some of us are trying to spill some tea

///

Celo:Squidward thicc af 😏

Me:I- Cel why-

Cel:Aren't you the bitch that likes fell

Me:fuck you dont use this to your advantedge

///

Cel:Also, how does that explain why Skyler doesn't even have a dick

///

Me, using something from Tumblr:

Cel:There's a fight going on down the block. Wanna go see?

JJ:What-

Lei:Wh- what the fuck- why?

Fai throws Jeffo and Kint down the hallway to their right yelling “FUCK YOU!"

Sounds of things smashing

Lei:I could use some air and time out of the house. Sure why not-

Est:Take me with you I've been stuck in here for *counting on fingers* 50 years-

Lei:You're only 21-

Est:It only looks like I'm 21

Lei:What the fuck-

---

JJ:Did Cal just tell me he loves me for the first time?

Lei:Yes.

JJ:And did I just do finger guns back?

Lei:Yes. Yes you did.

---

Cel:Hello-

Fai, grabbing through the bars:*Starts to choke him*

Lei: Faith! Faith! Hold on let him explain!

Fai:He’s selling us out!

Lei:Let. Him. Explain.

Cel:*Coughs* Thank you, Leila.

Cel:I’m selling you out.

Lei:*Angry screaming*

Cel:*Choking noises*

---

Cel:Why are you smiling?

Jeffi:Can’t I just smile? Maybe something good happened and I’m happy!

JJ:Faith tripped and fell in the parking lot.

King:Did she die?

JJ:No

///

Me:you force fed me pizza when i was a baby i remember the future

///

Me:all these quotes from the internet, family members, or friends. then there's "ahem You can't be bisexual if you're sansexual. You get to live with this information now, bye"

///

Some random discord shit

[averymessyxmas]

Chapter 6: Grandma Rudy Arrives (10 Days till Christmas)

Janessa:

 I woke up this morning feeling like a weight had finally been lifted off my shoulders. I never knew Vada still held on to that night, I kind of just put it behind me, and moved on. After Grandma Rudy surprised us. We all caught up with her in the living room, Mama and Daddy set her up a room, and we just all went to sleep, I was in pain from Vada’s slap when I woke up. “Damn it that girl can hit” I got dressed for the day and sat on my bed and called my husband on facetime. “Damn baby what happened” Dylan said seeing my face bruised on one side. I sighed. “Vada” I told him. He shook his head. “Damn, yall still beefing?” He asked. I shook my head. “No actually we made amends last night after she hit me” I told him. He smiled at me. “Your still beautiful, right Chase” Dylan said with Chase climbing all on him. “Yesth” He said with his little lisp not paying me any mind. “So I’m thinking fuck it, I should just come over today” He told me. I felt nervous a little. “I mean, yeah everything has calmed over here so far and daddy is happily in a relationship so he wouldn’t care” I said. I heard a knock at the door before it opened. I jumped but calmed down when I seen it was Grandma Rudy. “You scared me” I told her. She laughed and gave me a cup of something. I tasted it then made a face. “It’s eggnog with henny” She said. I laughed. Grandma Rudy always had to be drinking. “That’s that husband of yours?” She said. I nodded slowly but confused how did she know. “You wear your wedding ring like an idiot, if you trying to hide the fact your married child just take off the got damn ring” She said before sitting next to me. She snatched my iPhone. “Oooh I remember him, hey fine white chocolate you remember me?” She said smirking. I see Dylan nod and laugh through the camera. “Let me see that baby, Hey Grandma Rudy’s baby, he so cute, looking like coffee mixed with crème, a latte baby” She said sipping on her drink. I seen Chase look through the phone smiling. “You have a nice ass family Nessa; your daddy is going to kill you” She laughed before handing me my phone back. “Your grandma and my grandma shirl should meet” He said laughing. Grandma Rudy and I were on facetime with Dylan for an hour before he had to go because Chase was getting fussy and needed to eat. “So you and Vada made up?” She asked. I smiled yeah. “Does she know the rest?” Grandma Rudy said. I put face in my hands. “No, and I’m not telling her, it was in the past Grandma, were fine now” I told her getting up. If Vada found out we dated after she left for 2 years, and that I got pregnant, got an abortion she would be pissed at me even more.

 Nori:

  Ever since, I told Dre. I thought it would be easier for me, and I wouldn’t have to stress about hiding my pregnancy, but shit aint go to good when I told him. I been trying to listen to breathing exercises to calm down when I’m stressed. I heard a knock at my door. “Hold On!” I said. I put on my oversized jacket quickly and zipped it up. “Come in” I said. In walked Janessa. “You scared me Ness” I said. She smiled. “Sorry, How are you?” She asked. I shrugged. “I’m okay, just I’m always tired, he is always moving, I’m hungry. I want cereal at random times, and Doritos dipped in Ranch is like my go too, I just feel by myself” I stressed to her. She sat down on my bed, I sat next to her. She rubbed my stomach a little. “If things get to crazy here, you can come with us in L.A. I will help you” She told me. I smiled. She got off my bed, and opened the door. “I’ll see you downstairs” She told me. I stood up and looked at my mirror, and absurd my baby bump. My iphone started ringing. I noticed the number. I picked up the phone. I could hear him breathing on the phone. “Norielle” He finally said. “Yes”. “I, I want to apologize for blowing up on you, I was caught of guard”. He told me. I felt a tear drop of my cheek. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you, I didn’t want to say it through a jail visit where we can’t even touch each other, I really need you right now Dre and you’re in there”. I said through my tears. “Nori, it was still fucked up man, I shouldn’t have questioned you but damn girl you showing, it ain’t like you just found out”. He said. “I was in denial Dre’, I didn’t know how far I was until I went to the doctor, I’m 5months, Im due May 15th.” I told him.  “You know what we are having?” He asked. I smiled. “A boy”. I could hear him getting emotional on the other in of the phone. “I um, damn I’m have a son that’s crazy, and you were going to keep him from me”. I sighed. “Dre, I was not going to do that, I was not trying to leave you nothing My doctor said NO stress, I love you, I want us to have this big happy family but first you focus on getting out and I’ll focus on getting him here”. I told him. “I don’t have much time Nori, I love you and my son man” He hung up. “I was going to give you some drank but I see you can’t drink” I turned around and seen Grandma Rudy standing by my door. I was about to cry. “Please don’t tell Grandma” I stressed to her. She put the drinks down and hugged me. “Stop all that crying girl, I’m not telling nothing. I ain’t no snitch baby, I’m here for you. Now having a baby is a big responsibility. They cry, they shit, they take up all your damn time, you can’t drink cause you got to breast honey it’s a whole damn job, are you ready for this?” She asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, I just know I love my baby already so much” I told her. “Well your still in school, that’s good, you got family that loves, although my daughter will shit a whole brick when she finds out good lord, but I got you baby” She told me. I nodded and hugged her. “Thank you, Grandma,”. “Baby get dressed, we are going out today”. She told me. I nodded and started to finish getting dressed.

 Narkim:

 I was sitting at the dining room table with Damien and Nylah eating Cereal when Nori and Grandma Rudy came downstairs. “So yall ain’t fucked yet?” I asked looking at Nylah and Damien. Nylah looked at me crazy, Damien smirked. “I mean I have tried” Nylah pushed him. “Boy please” I started laughing. That nigga D was blind asf La-La was feeling him and if he stopped trying to fuck old ladys then he would see how beautiful she was and how she been there for his dumb ass since diaper days but that aint my bizz. “Who fucked what?” Grandma Rudy said. She was lit. “Hey Grandma Rudy you got the juice, that good shit” I said. She winked at me and slid me a cup. “Oh its lit” She held her hand out. “I know you got that green for your granny now” She said. I smiled. “I gotchu G-ma” I told her. Momma walked downstairs looking nice. “Good morning babies” She said smiling. She kissed Grandma Ruby cheek. “Hi mama”. My mama said. Grandma Rudy looked at her suspiciously. “Who been in your draws Rice?” She asked my mama. “Ayye yo Grams nobody wants to hear about who been blowing my mama back out why we eating”. I told her. “Hush up boy how you think all yall got here” She said. My mom was humming around the kitchen, now she boujee, she never eats cereal so we all just stared at her as she made her some all smiley and shit. “Mommy you good?” Nori asked walking in. My mom nodded. “Mmmhm she done met somebody or got her groove back” Grandma Rudy said sipping on her “Special” drink. My mom normally would argue with G-ma but she just waved her off, yeah that’s nasty but somebody done made my mama happy, she aint get home till 2 am after she had been out all day, and Daddy left to go back to his apartment since they announced they divorce, shit was weird as fuck. My iphone started buzzing. It was Mack. I sighed and got up to go outside and take the call. Homie been scaring me since he pulled the strap on me, like made me one to get suited up too, just in case. I ain’t no bitch but I was scared to piss him off. “Yerr” I said. I could hear Mack laughing. “Nigga, don’t yerr me bitch, What happened to what’s up Bossman…anyways I don’t need you to fuck up on my shipment again young blood, I need you at 8pm asap, or I’m pull up on you again and it wont be pleasant, now I been letting you slide cause you my favorite but you missing out on my million dollar deal the other night hurt me, and as of recently I found out that you never got that brick to East Side a few months, but it’s all good just be there tonight get me this money, get me this merch and ill move up your pay and your position” He told me. My heart was racing. “Aight I got you, 8 pm don’t fuck up” I told him. He laughed. “You already know”. He ended the call. I heard the front door open, revealing my Grandma Rudy in her puffer jacket and a scarf drinking her liquor in a coffee cup. “Now I know you aint bout to roll one without your grams” She said. I smiled. “Nah I got you grams”. She nodded. “Nori told me you got yourself a range rover, and a condo in Buckhead”. She said smiling. I nodded. “Yeah, but keep that between us, I been saving at footlocker” I told her. She started laughing. “MJ used to be saving up at Taco Bell, lying ass nigga he was out there selling them drugs and being a want to be gangsta, I had to bail him out of jail so many got damn times, so I know when my grandkids up to no good” She told me. I passed her a blunt I had already rolled. We sat on the porch. “You know your twin is pregnant?” She asked me. I nodded. “Yeah man its tough for her with her baby daddy in jail and shit” I said. “How he get there?” She asked. I sighed. “Um they found a pack of cocaine in his car like a brick” I told her. She looked at me as I looked towards the drive way. “He was dealing too?” She asked me. I shook my head. “Nah, he like a honor student, Um G-ma don’t tell Nori this but I um I l had got scared cause the cops was checking my dorm for narcotics so I got scared, I aint want to go to jail so I noticed his car door was unlocked. I put it in his car”. I confessed to her. She shook her head at me. “That’s a shame, your sister struggling as it is to keep this secret of hers, you going to have to make this right or tell her, I can keep your secret Nari but you need to be a man and own up to this” She told me. I shook my head. “I can’t right now, she so damn fragile since she been pregnant, she would cut me off, or panic or lose the baby and I don’t want to stress her out, she stressed as is because of me”. I said. She passed the blunt to me. “Well it’s your mess baby, you figure it out”. The front door opened again, revealing Vada, Nori and Michael and Janessa, Damien and Nylah. I quickly put the blunt out. “Damn grandma Rudy you drunk and high?”. Vada asked. Grams shrugged. “Im what yall say lit?” She said smiling. Vada held her hand out. “What?” I asked. She smirked. “Pass me it, shit Im stressed I need to smoke” She said. “You got to share” Michael told her. She smiled. “Ofcourse”. “Aye yall mutherfuckas need to chill this my shit, but ima share” I said. They laughed. I lit the blunt and we all passed it around and we all smoked except Nori and Janessa. “So what’s the move?” I asked. “Well we all about to hit up the mall” She said. I nodded, “Yall have fun, I’m bout to go see my girl” I told them. After we smoked, G-ma, Vi and Mike, Damien and Nylah was smacked. They all got in the car with snacks and shit and pulled off. I started getting ready to go see my girl.

 Vada:

When we pulled up to the mall, the first place we all went was the food court. Nori and Janessa and I split up from Michael, he wanted to get gifts from me and didn’t want me to see. Grandma Rudy ran off cause her boyfriend Charles met her up here. Damien and Nylah went their separate ways, so it was just me and my sisters. “The last time we all hung out like this Nori was like 9 or 10, we were babies now were grown that’s crazy, how have you been Nori, I haven’t catched up with you since I got here” I said to her. She went through her phone and slid it to me, it was picture of an ultrasound. “I’m pregnant, I’m 25 weeks, and I’m having a boy. Oh my God that felt so good to get off my chest” She said. I was staring at her and the picture in shock. I saw her and Narkim when they were born, I helped change them and bath them and I’m fucking shook. “Wow, your going to be a mom” I said in a daze still high. She smiled and nodded. “That’s weird to say, just keep this between yall, I will tell everyone else when I’m ready”. She told us. I nodded. “Where’s the father?” I asked. She showed me and Janessa a picture. “Oh girl he is fine, where are you hiding him?” I asked her. “He is in jail” She told me. I looked at her crazy. “Come again?” I asked. “He was wrongly accused, but he will be out soon” She said. I almost smacked her. “Well, I hope everything works out, I don’t want you out here being a baby mama”. I said to her. “I’m getting married, well hopefully Michael proposed earlier this month” I said. Nessa and Nori smiled. “Oh my gosh Vi, I’m so happy for you” Janessa said. “He wants to have time to tell Daddy, you know how he is” I said to them. Janessa nodded. “Don’t we”. I was curious to know why she was single. “You live alone in L.A?” I asked. She slowly shook her head. “I have a life out there, but right now I’m keeping it private” She told me. We sat and talked and ate our food just catching up on sister shit. “Vada? Vada Richards?” I heard a man say. I bought choked on my juice. “Omari?” I said. He held his arms out for a hug. I got up and hugged him. He smelt so got damn good. “Damn girl you are looking fine as hell, how are you?” He asked. “I’m good, how are you?” I asked. He smiled. “I’m good, I’m sorry about that night when you left, I was hurt, I felt so bad I didn’t know how that happened. I never meant to hurt you” He said. I nodded. “It was a decade ago, Im over it”. I said. “I’m actually here with my sisters, you of course remember Janessa, and this is my baby sister Norielle” I told him. He looked at Janessa. “Hey, Ness” He said. I don’t know why but him calling her “Ness” pissed me off. “Well it’s nice seeing you” I said. He pulled out his phone. “Can I get your number maybe we can meet up again?” He said. “Well who is this chocolate drip?” I heard Grandma Ruby say walking hand in hand with her man Charles. “Grandma, you just going to say that with Charles right there?” Nori said. She waved him off. “Old bat is losing his hearing, Right Charles!” She yelled in his ear. He smiled at her. “See, now who are you?” She asked Omari. “Hi, I’m an old boyfriend, Im Omari” He told her. Grandma Ruby dropped her smile and let go of Charles hand. “Oh you that nigga, that broke my Vada’s heart and then….”. “Grandma!” Janessa said cutting her off. Grandma Rudy stopped what she was saying. “You fine boy but you trifling, plus Vada already has a man and he is way sexier than you keep it in the family having ass, come on Charles” She said walking with him, looking at me. “I um well” Omari said. I awkwardly smiled. “We can maybe catch up on drinks but like she said I do have a man”. I told him. He nodded. We exchanged numbers, we hugged again, and he walked away. Michael walked up behind me hugging me from behind. Nori and Janessa looked at me and I glared at them, they could read that I was telling them to be quiet.

Damien:

“So, who is this girl that you are keeping from me?” Nylah said. Laying on my bed with her feet on the wall. “Nobody, just a little bitch I’m fucking” I told her. She laughed a little. “You like her?” She asked. I shrugged. “I mean I like the way I feel around her, but it’s not love” I said honestly. “What is love to you D?” She asked. I shrugged. “I don’t know, like some real vibe type shit, homies and lovers” I said. She started to get up and face me. “Well you love me?” She asked. I looked at her for a while. “Yes, I do” I said. She smiled. “Like a friend, like a sister, like a girlfriend?” She asked. I sighed. “I just love you, I mean I’d beat anybody ass for you, and kill for you, and like die for you type love” I said to her. She looked at me and then looked down, “I love you too”. We looked at each other for a minute, next thing I know we was making out on the bed.

 “I um, I’m sorry La-La” I said to Nylah. She was putting back on her clothes. “Don’t be sorry” She said smiling. I smirked at her, “What are we, what is this?” She asked. I sighed, “Let me think for a minute” I told her. I walked up to her and kissed her. “I got you La and you got me, but if my moms find out we just had sex, you going to Nori’s room” I told her laughing. My phone buzzed, and I see I had a text from Kristen. “I’m outside, back yard.” I read. “I’m be back” I told Nylah. She nodded and grabbed her stuff to take a shower. I ran downstairs and went out the back door. I looked to see if Vada and Michael could see us, but their blinds were closed in the guest house. “Oh you making house visits now Ms. Madison?” I asked folding my arms. She looked at me. “I couldn’t think about our last encounter and I’m sorry for leading you on, can we please just move forward?” She asked. I inhaled deeply and nodded. “Sure whatever” I said. She looked at me shocked. “Really?” She asked. I nodded. “Yeah so you can get gone now” I told her. She stood there. “I um, I missed you” She said smiling at me. “Nah, we not doing this, you good fam you can go fuck the older version of me, and shit” I told her. She started coming on to me, doing that kissing on me shit. I was starting to fall for it. “He said you good!” I heard my grandma Rudy say. We both jumped. “Get your old ass away from my grandson bitch” Grandma Rudy said. She came out there with her henny bottle, and a blunt. Kristen ran off. “Spill it” She said to me sitting at the back-porch table. “I um, Nah you don’t want to hear it” I said to her. She gave me a stern look. “She’s my teacher, we were messing around until I found out she’ dad’s girl”. She started chugging her henny. “I aint drunk enough for this shit” She said getting up. “I aint gon say nothing to you knuckle head ass daddy, lets go inside”. She said to me. I walked upstairs, and I came in my room. “Want to go again?” Nylah said smiling at me. Now I know I got the juice, but damn these females go crazy for D’s D. “Let’s just chill tonight” I told her. She started laughing and nodded.

  MJ:

 I was up fixing a snack in the Kitchen, I couldn’t sleep since Danielle left place. My mom been out late these last 2 nights like she’s some 20-year-old girl what the fuck is going on in here. “Hey baby” My grandma said. “Hey Grandma Rudy”. I said. She was walking all over the place stumbling. She went to the radio set in the corner of the living room and started playing Boys 2 men “Let is Snow”. She started swaying around. “This my shit!” I nodded and laughed. “Alright grandma lets get you to bed” I said. She shook her head. “Can you take me to Charles house?” She asked. I groaned. “Alright let’s take you to your man’s house”. She packed a bag that she called a “Dick Appointment bag”, my grandma be tripping man. We got in my car and started driving, Charles lived just 35minutes away. “Where Dani?” She asked me. “Um with her family” I said. She nodded. “I’m happy yall still together even after you tried to get back with Gia”. She told me. I shook my head. “Let’s not bring that up grandma” I told her. “What? I’m glad you decided to end that break yall had to go back to her” She said. I shrugged. “I think She’s cheating on me Grandma, she been hiding shit staying out all night” I said to her. She looked at me. “That’s cause you think when yall had that break she fucked around on you too, sometimes women just need a man to be there, you got to be there” She told me. We talked a little bit before I dropped her off. I sat in the drive way of Charles house before I thought about what she said. I drove to Douglasville to Dani’s fam’s house to see her and my kids. When I pulled up at the house, I seen her, and some nigga laughing in the window. I was so fucking mad I wanted to drive through that damn house. “Fuck this!” I banged on the door. The door opened revealing my wife. Her smile went to a scared look. “Malcom, what are you doing here, I told you I’d be back tomorrow” She said. I laughed. “You up here with that nigga with my kids Dani!” I yelled. She shook her head. “Malcom please he’s my cousin” She snapped. “Man fuck you” I said. I got in my car and drove to some place familiar. I knocked on the door. “MJ what are you doing here?” Gia asked. “Can I crash here?” I asked. She nodded and let me in.

Characters:

Omari: Now (Lance Gross)

Mack: (Quavo)

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #194

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE!

VM 3x16 Un-American Grafitti

Stray thoughts

1) The smiles of these two fucking idiots as they pretend to be friends while secretly pining after each other, I hate them so much ugh!

2) Oh, this sardonic self-deprecating asshole, stop breaking my heart!

LOGAN: Lots of advancements since the last time I buckled down. How 'bout you?

VERONICA: Uh, "Violence in Early Adolescence."

LOGAN: Ah. Need me to autograph your textbook?

It’s nice to see them chat and banter without all the angst, even if it’s short-lived and all pretense, though.

3) Veronica is all smiles and sunshine until Logan uses the word “both” to refer to him and Parker. The realization that Logan wasn’t just bluffing and that not only was he dating someone else but he also seemed to have zero hang-ups about their break-up just utterly destroys her. 

4) This is actually refreshing, and it’s not the only time it happens in this season…

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I took this case so I wouldn't have time to dwell on Parker's birthday party and now, here I am, sitting in a car with nothing but a whole lot of dwelling time on my hands.

Veronica’s voiceover clearly implies she’s far from cool with the idea of Logan being Parker’s Picture Perfect Boyfriend. It’s the most outspoken she’s been as regards how she really feels about Logan and their break-up. We get the same type of voiceover in There’s Got to be a Morning After Pill, when Veronica goes bananas and stalks Madison because of her misplaced vendetta. Hardly ever did Veronica let us on in her inner feelings during times of emotional turmoil caused by the ups and downs of her relationship with Logan. In fact, in the early seasons, she usually went uncharacteristically silent when Logan was concerned. I think that in spite of all their fuck-ups, Logan and Veronica actually were in a much more mature and vulnerable place now than they ever were (think of their intimate conversations in Wichita Linebacker and Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves) and it’s shown in Veronica’s voiceovers.

It’s sort of a step in the right direction for Veronica, and it’s hard to argue it’s not related to Logan’s claims that she always puts herself at a distance and never lets herself need others. 

5) I love this little callback…

AMIRA: Veronica Mars?

VERONICA: Amira. Long time, no see.

AMIRA: Yeah. Like since my senior year, when you made my Pirate Points worth less.

But… wasn’t Duncan the one who did that?

6) I think this is the moment when Veronica decides she will get her revenge on…

You don’t go ruining Veronica’s jacket and expect her not to get you back.

7) I know Ronald is only a kid, but damn does it feel good to see Veronica putting that little dick in his place…

RONALD: What does a criminologist do?

VERONICA: Oh, grads usually go into work in law enforcement. I'm considering pursuing a career at the FBI.

RONALD: You're a girl.

MRS. HILLS:  Ronald.

VERONICA: Actually, Ronald, did you know that on average, girls develop faster than boys and have higher levels of cognitive functioning, including math calculation, written language, and verbal fluency?

RONALD: So?

VERONICA: Well put, Ronald. We need fireman, too.

There’s nothing wrong with being a fireman, though.

8) This is hands down one of my favorite moments in the series, I don’t know why I get so much pleasure from seeing Veronica reenact a scene from Pulp Fiction almost verbatim and using a paint gun in lieu of a real gun.

9) Poor Mr. Clemmons but aww at Veronica shooting "Towelie” for making fun of him.

10) How didn’t Mac read Veronica’s expression? That’s not the face of someone who has ever been cool about anything ever.

MAC: You ready? We can offer them our table.

VERONICA: Sure. 

11) And I love how dumbfounded Veronica is about Mac and Logan actually getting along. I brought this up in a previous recap, but it’s pretty obvious the only reason Logan didn’t form any bonds with Mac or Wallace is because of Veronica’s need to compartmentalize. Mac sums it up quite nicely here…

VERONICA: You and Logan seem chummy.

MAC: Guess I never thought much of the guy when you two were dating. Surly thing, you know. But since he's been around so much lately, I've seen his sweet side. Probably the side you saw all the time.

VERONICA: Oh, yeah. That side.

And in fact, it begs the question: did Veronica keep Logan away from her friends and family because she feared they might not like him or because she wanted them to continue seeing him as the dark, brooding, dangerous type so that she could keep the “real” Logan all to herself?

12) Piz actually gained a couple of cool points because of this reference…

PIZ: It's like the new Rocky Horror. Now at one point people throw plastic spoons at the screen. You gotta check it out. It'll-it'll change your life.

But don’t worry, he’ll lose all of them and then some by the end of the episode.

13) Wallace, you’re such a good friend to all your friends, I love you.

WALLACE: I thought you were going to Yoyo Taco on Saturday.

PIZ: Yo La Tengo. Yeah. But, you know, this sounds more fun. What?

WALLACE: You're like one of those guys who stands behind the players at the poker table and pretends he's playing.

PIZ: Sorry, I've never been to Vegas, so what exactly...

WALLACE: Look. Every once in a while, you gotta go all in.

PIZ: Right. Will do.

WALLACE: Excellent.

PIZ: I don't know what that means, though.

WALLACE: It means we're going out tonight. You're going to talk to some girl who knows you're alive. Wait, actually, that's not what it means, but it's a start.

14) I’m not addressing the mystery of the week because I feel it’s so wrong in so many aspects I don’t even know where to start.

15) Now, this is awkward…

KEITH: Last time I saw you, you were nineteen, and that was...just a couple weeks ago. (…) Mind if I see those IDs of yours. I guess I don't have to ask where you got these.

 KEITH: You recognise the work? Out of thirty-seven citations yours truly wrote in six campus-area bars last night, no fake ID could hold a candle to your standards. You may not want to believe this, honey, but there are mistakes you can't take back. What if they'd gotten drunk and stumbled into the street like Jim Wilson. Would you want to explain that to their parents?

This is yet another instance of Veronica’s almighty and reckless attitude.

16)

DICK: Veronica Mars! What's that line about the beginning of some sort of friendship?

17) Isn’t there here a bit of foreshadowing, though?

MAC: Sorry. I was afraid you were trying to get back at Logan somehow by coming as Dick's date.

VERONICA: Ew. Yeah, nothing says "I'm over you" like dating down.

18) Oh, the cringe, the c r I N G E!!!

19) And the pain, oh, THE PAIN!!

20) Jebus, the subtext in their conversation is so overwhelming, though.

LOGAN: I girded myself for seeing you with a date tonight, you know, proof you weren't pining away.

VERONICA: All the periodically good ones were taken and I pine for no man.

LOGAN: Hmm. Well maybe you should try branching out. I mean, who knows, maybe there's a consistently good one here tonight.

I kind of wish she had brought up the fact she had been eating his face when he approached her.

Anyway, it’s kind of obvious that Logan is disguising the truth as a joke and that he had mentally prepared himself to see Veronica with someone. Joke’s on him, though. Have you ever thought about the fact that Logan’s joke about sending the weird guy on Veronica’s way was the catalyst that brought Veronica and Piz together? If Logan hadn’t sent the guy, then Veronica wouldn’t have run to Piz for help. In turn, Piz wouldn’t have pretended to be her boyfriend, Wallace wouldn’t have confronted Veronica about how insensitive she was being with Piz’s feelings, Veronica wouldn’t have apologized to Piz, Piz wouldn’t have sloppily kissed her and Veronica wouldn’t have chased him.

21) Veronica was pushing it, though. She could really be an asshole sometimes. There’s no way she wasn’t aware of how he felt about her. Also, bless you, Wallace.

VERONICA: There you are! Sorry, this is a “break glass in case of emergency” situation. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.

PIZ: Oh, sorry. You're right, babe. Bad boyfriend. Fresh drink coming up, okay.

WALLACE: (…) You need to listen to me right now, okay. What you're doing is cruel.

VERONICA: Are you kidding? When I told him my name... He did that whole "banana fanna fofanna" thing.

WALLACE: No, not him. Piz. If you don't know he has a thing for you...

VERONICA: Piz doesn’t have a th-

WALLACE: You're smarter than that. Be a good person. Just put him out of his misery.

22) MY EYESSSS! MY EYESSSS!

Isn’t this the most awkward and awful kiss in the history of kisses? There’s nothing about that kiss that would’ve swept Veronica off her feet. If you’d like to read more about what I think of this scene, go here. And if you want to see something that can’t be unseen go here.

Totally unrelated, but if you get me a kofi I’ll be forever grateful!

23) My heart.

Ugh, that ending.

fuck you, Piz.

[cbwalive]

CBWA SUPER ESTRELLA EP.10

Welcome everybody to another exciting episode of Super Estrella, I’m your host good ol JR alongside Gordon Solie.

Gordo this Sunday is Wrestle Rock at Sea 4 but before that we have business to attend to tonight.

That’s right Jimbo, when we left you last week the contract was signed for the main event this Sunday between the challenger Goldberg and the champion Raman Reigns and tonight there will be a final face off between the two Also tonight is there friction between two BS Service members as we saw last week The Underfaker and The Fiend couldn’t seem to be on the same page, well they will be tagging up again tonight to face Ax and Smash of Demolition We will also see the brand new CBWA Univision Television champion The Colombian Dragon as he puts the title on the line against Party Jannetty That should be a great one indeed plus we had our camera all last week with Blaster Lashley and PN News to see who is the best food man in Bogotá and the results will shock you folks and wait just a minute that’s the music of AuZZtin and look at this Gordon he has that BMF walk to the ring.

Let’s take you to the ring and see what he has to say Cut the damn music, I’ve been sitting my ass at home long enough, Miz you have a contract for me to sign for Drug Wars 5 well son I have a counter offer for you right here.

Oh boy ZZ is certainly not in the mood tonight Now I ain’t here to sign a stupid contract I’m here to whip your ass so get your sorry ass out here so you can get what’s coming to you The Gatorsnake is wanting The Miz now and oh wait just a minute it’s the boss Mr. Schneider

Now ZZ as the head of creative of The CBWA and as of right now the boss, I can’t have you out here making threats when we all know you are not one hundred percent cleared from your injury, you have to think what would happen if The Miz came out here

 I whoop his ass

I can’t have this company reliable if something were to worsen your injury and you can be permanently paralyzed ZZ I appreciate the fact that you and the CBWA care........and I can also appreciate that he’ll you can kiss my ass

Oh my god ZZ just stunned Mr. Schneider and look at this, the cops are on ZZ and they are arresting him, ZZ is going to jail

Folks stay with us we will be right back

And welcome back folks as we are seeing ZZ being hauled off to jail

And I wonder what this means for this Sunday, will ZZ show up to sign the contract as Kenny is now with the Boss Mr. Schneider

  Mr. Schneider after what just went down what is going to happen to ZZ Well Mr. AuZZtin will definitely be spending the night in jail and as far as this Sunday goes, if he can not get cleared by Sunday then Mr. AuZZtin will be indefinitely suspended until further notice

Guys you heard it from the boss back to you.

Alright Kenny thank you for that and we we will keep our eyes on that as we take you to the ring in the Fink

The following contest set for one fall is for the CBWA Univision Television Championship, making his way to the ring weighing in at 229lbs Party Jannetty

And there you see Party as this match is brought to by Fruit Stripes, need a fruity taste in your mouth? 

Try Fruit Stripes available at your nearest store As we take back to The Fink for the champions introduction.

And his opponent weighing in at 235lbs he is the CBWA Univision Television Champion The Colombian Dragon

Here comes the brand new CBWA Univision Television Champion which he won last week in that epic fatal four way as referee Nicholas Patrick holds up that brand new belt Bell rings and we are underway, as last week Dragon said he would be a fighter champion as he extends his hand for Party but Party totally ignores it and is focusing his attention on some ladies in the front row Party better focus on the champion That indeed as now Party turns around and bam a running knee this all but over 1,2,3 let’s get the official announcement The winner of the match and still CBWA Univision Television Champion The Colombian Dragon And Part...... wait just a minute that music only means one man, could be? 

My god it’s The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels, what is he doing here? Folks don’t you dare go away we will be right back

Welcome back folks and if your just tuning in you just missed a surprise appearance from the one and only Shawn Michaels, yes that Shawn Michaels who now has the mic, I can’t wait to hear this.

Super Estrella!!!!!! 

The Heartbreak Kid is live and in living color!!!! Now a lot of questions obviously need to be answered but I have to take care of some business first, Party me and you go way back, I know you still like to party obviously but can you still rock and roll? Basically what I’m saying is what you say if we bring the Rockers to the CBWA?

Oh my god what an announcement and Michaels now extending the hand and Party has embraced him, are we seeing the reformation of the Rockers? 

And oh wait just a minute Michaels with a super kick What’s this about? 

Why Shawn? And now Michaels walks away, folks we will stay on this story for sure as we take you to Kenny

Wow what a crazy night already as I welcome my guest at this time, he is the CBWA Intercontinental Champion Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert

Champ, welcome back how’s the knee going?

Well Kenny I actually just got back from the doctors and he told me that I’m actually....... Oh wait just a minute we are being interrupted by Foot Von Erich

Shut it Kenny it’s Hollywood Von Erich, I hate to come out here and play spoiler for everybody here and everybody sitting at home baby but I got a hot tip concerning your knee, I’ve been told that your little injury that I caused is worst than thought and it looks like you are going to have a little surgery and you are actually here to surrender that beautiful Intercontinental Title to yours truly, so let’s quit messing around and hand over that title to its rightful owner Well Hollywood once again you are wrong, as a matter of fact I was going to tell everybody that I’m actually one hundred percent and since you wanna come out and spoil stuff, how bout I spoil something for you, this Sunday at Wrestle Rock at Sea 4, you and me for this title and to make it fun, since you think I have one good knee and we all know you got one good foot, let’s make this a ladder match, what do you say “Hollywood” You got it baby

There you have it another great match added for this Sunday at Wrestle Rock at Sea 4, back to you guys

Alright thank you Kenny, Wrestle Rock at Sea this Sunday is shaping up to be a big pay per view you do not want to miss it this Sunday folks, call your local pay per view provider, well now we are going to take you to a video recorded earlier this week as the CBWA camera crews followed both Blaster Lashley and PN Pitmaster News to see who exactly had the best food service in Bogotá check it out Alright guys come on in to Blaster Lashley’s Ubber Eats, we already got a delivery ready to go so hop on in

Should you be eating that? Of course man, I ain’t going to deliver something that could be poisonous to my customers, it’s called customer service man But the food is almost gone Man you are tripping, y’all better not cramp my style, alright here we are stay here Hey you my Ubber Eats guy? The best in town, got your food right here Ummm this is only half of what I ordered Hey man I would take it up with Taco Bell, I just deliver it Oh ok here you go Appreciate your business, uh hold up, you’re a little short Well I didn’t get my full meal Look man I said you are going have to take it up with them, now give me my damn money or I’ll beat it out of you Ok ok here man Thanks have a nice day and thank you for choosing Blaster Lashley Ubber Eats Hey come on in guys, welcome to PN News Pit house, make yourself at home Thanks Pitmaster what’s on the menu? Well.....we have some yo baby yo baby yo baby back ribs, corn on the cob that so good it will make you turn your knob, refried beans that will make your colon mean and cobbler pie that will make you die, I’ll be right back with your plate Alright guys here we are let me know what you guys think, hold that thought I got a driver here, wait a minute you are my Ubber driver? Yeah the best in town man, why did I agree to deliver this garbage? Garbage? Yeah everybody knows that you were the reason for the city wide sickness with your expired meat You better watch what you say fat boy Looks who’s talking chubby I’m about to show you chubby And as you see Gordon a fight broke out between Lashley and PN News and we just got confirmation from Mr. Schneider that this Sunday it will be PN Pitmaster News goes one on one with Blaster Lashley Those poor camera crew Indeed well we are going take a quick break and we will be right back with our main event right after this

And welcome back to Super Estrella it’s main event time as we take you to the Fink

The following contest set for one fall is a tag team match making their way to the ring at a total combined weight of 621lbs Ax and Smash Demolition

And their opponents first weighing in at 317LBS The Fiend Bray Wyatt And his tag team partner to be accompanied to the ring by his manager Zombie Robert Blake, weighing in at 308lbs the Underfaker These two were not in the same page last week against Roberto Gibson so this is a take two if you will for them as they are going up against Ax and Smash of Demolition, bell rings as it looks like it’s going to be Ax and The Fiend starting off for their respective team and The Fiend is taking out some frustration on Ax and a tag to Underfaker and faker taking Ax for a ride and wow what athleticism from the big man a flying closeline and now look at this Gordon, The Fiend tagged himself in and Faker didn’t seem to like that at all No he sure didn’t as now The Fiend whips Ax to his corner and tells Smash to tag in, reluctantly he does and is met with a hard right hand Wow what power from this man and now throws Smash into the ropes and a huge body dive knocking the wind out of both men, who got the worst of that? And now Underfaker tags himself in and look at this a stare down And now look out as Smash from behind nails The Fiend who bumps into the Underfaker and now Faker has The Fiend around the throat and down with a chokeslam, what is going on with this two? Smash with the cover 1 and a kick out by The Fiend, Fiend is now up and mandible claw and here comes Ax and a Sister Abigail for his trouble, 1,2,3 let’s go to The Fink for the official announcement and wait before we go to that The Fiend has the mandible claw in the Underfaker, look at this Gordon Certainly these two can’t co exist Well security trying to break these two up, folks don’t you dare go anywhere, Goldberg and Reigns face to face right after this

And welcome back folks before we get to the showdown between Goldberg and Reigns we have breaking news as it pertains to Wrestle Rock at Sea this Sunday from the boss Mr. Schneider three huge matches have been added to the card thanks to what we saw tonight, the CBWA Univision Television Championship will be on the line as the champion Colombian Dragon will defend his title against BS Service member Johnny Seenya, Party Jannetty will go one on one with his former tag team partner Shawn Michaels and this next one is very interesting Gordon That’s right even though it looks like these two are not on the same page they will have to this Sunday as The Underfaker and The Fiend will challenge the CBWA Tag Team Champions City Hall and the titles will be on the line Wow what a huge match that is going to be as we take a look at the updated card also earlier tonight the challenge was accepted it will be a ladder match for the CBWA Intercontinental Championship as Hollywood Von Erich will face the champion Hot Stuff Eddie Gilbert Also because of what happened tonight BS Service member Blaster Lashley will go one on one with PN Pitmaster News And I hope to never see this match again as it’s a first and hopefully a last, a last jerk off standing match for the CBWA Hardcore title between the champ Garth Lane and challenger Left Eye Gibson The woman’s champion Alexa Bliss put up an open challenge to anyone this Sunday, it would be very interesting to see who will accept The number one contender Powerhouse Steve Ryder will go one on one with Brian Withers with the number one contender spot for Drug Wars 5 on the line Also will ZZ be able to come up with a clear doctors note to compete at Drug Wars 5 and sign the contract against The Miz? That indeed and I even hate to say this, but a father and son will be in a fight cage surrounded by fire as Frank Converse will go one on one with his flesh and blood, his own son Boltsy and Frank said if he can not defeat his son he will set himself on fire and breathe his last breath, my god folks And our main event Gordon, for the CBWA World Heavyweight Championship inside the demonic steel cage it will be Goldberg trying to regain the title he fought so hard to get against the champion Raman Reigns, I’m telling you folks this is a pay per view you do not wanna miss, the last pay per view before the biggest show of the year Drug Wars 5, call your local pay per view provider and don’t miss this one bit as we now take you to the ring and Kenny standing by, take it away Kenny Alright JR and Gordon thank you very much this is the finally showdown before the this Sunday at Wrestle Rock at Sea 4 where these two men will compete inside a steel cage match for the CBWA World Heavyweight title, so let me introduce to you first the challenger Goldberg!!!!!! And here he comes Gordon Looks to be very focused JR Alright and now The CBWA World Heavyweight Champion The tribal chief Raman Reigns Hey jabroni up here on the the screen, you think for one damn second I was going to go in that ring and have that crazy man try to spear me yet again? I’m the CBWA World Heavyweight Champion, the head of the table the tribal chief, in other words I say what goes down, now this Sunday Goldberg it will be me and you in a steel cage match for this title right here but Goldberg let me make this perfectly clear to you, after I beat you again, that’s it, no more shot at this, you will never ever get a title shot again as long as I’m the champion, which will be a very long time cause let’s face it their ain’t a man on this roster that can sniff me Enough of the talking champ, why don’t do be a man for once and bring your ass down here because you can’t avoid it much longer but you’re next!!!!! Oh wait just a minute that’s the music of the number one contender Steve Ryder Is he coming to the ring? Oh wait a minute back in the ring Reigns is in the ring and Goldberg saw it coming and the stare down is on, folks we are out of time don’t you dare miss this Sunday on pay per view Wrestle Rock at Sea 4 we will see you on the sea this Sunday!!!!!!

[miseryff]

21. YOLO

Paris

Wow. I am deadass a slut.

I tried to shake off any feelings of guilt as I pulled up to Derrick’s aunt’s crib. I really fucked with Dre’s head a minute ago. Why was I throwing myself at him like that? When I had a perfectly good nigga waiting for me? “You need to slow yo ho ass down and not fuck this up.” I gave myself a pep talk while looking at my reflection in the rear-view mirror. I shook my head at myself once more before reaching over and picking up the bag filled with Mexican food. It was Tuesday and me and Derrick were feenin’ for tacos.

Tacos and dick? Oh yea, tonight was gonna be lit.

I rang the doorbell and smiled brightly once I was greeted with Sheila, Derrick’s aunt.

“Hi, Auntie Sheila.” I walked into her open arms and kissed her cheek before walking into the home. “How are you, baby? You brought anything for me?” I chuckled as I followed her into the kitchen. Best believe Derrick’s hungry hippo ass was front and center eating what looked to be chicken and rice. “Babe, why would you let me get tacos if you already had food to eat?” I rolled my eyes on the low before turning to Sheila. “I got tacos, Auntie. A whole lot. I guess its just me and you tonight--”

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Im still hungry and those tacos are for us. Sorry, auntie.” Derrick quickly jumped up from his seat at the table and rushed over to where Sheila and I stood. We purposely ignored him as we began to tear up the chicken and shrimp tacos. “These shits hittinnnnn!” I dragged as I took big bites from my taco. “Seriously. Gimme two more to take up to my room,” I nodded before separating two tacos for her and sending her on her way. I didn’t want to laugh but Derrick was steaming to the left of me. Serves his greedy ass right.

“That’s so fucked up.”

“What I do?” I faked innocence as I walked over to the fridge. “You like my hair babe? I made them clip the ends a little. It’s giving Selena vibes, aint it?”

“Shit look trash.” I spun around from looking inside the fridge once I heard his flat tone. This boy was not giving me an attitude because of some damn tacos. I refused to believe it.

“Exuuuuuse me? Shit look what?” I cupped my hand behind my ear. Maybe I heard him wrong.

“Shit look trash, mamas. Ima fuck it up tonight though so I don’t even know why you spent bread to get it done.” As if his comments weren’t rude as shit, this nigga then had the audacity to pick up my half eaten taco, and shove that shit in his mouth! “You ain’t fuckin’ shit up, nigga. Fuck outta here.” I grumbled as I walked over to where he stood, with a can of ginger ale in my possession. “Now open this. I don’t wanna break a nail.”

“Open it yaself, big boi.” He went to stuff his hand inside the bag again when I threw the can at his bare chest. The hissing sound he made was music to my ears. “Pick it up and open it, Derrick.”

“Fuck you, Paris.”

XX

The sex was amazing. It was always amazing. Now we were both exiting the shower because tonight was my dad’s showcase for his newly signed artists, Summer Walker and Da Baby. “Wear the black shirt, babe.” I patted his booty as I walked over to the dresser, searching for my deodorant and body lotion.

“Cause you wearing that revealing ass black dress, so you want me to match ya fly?”

“Yessirrrrr!” I dragged as I applied lotion to my arms and breasts. “Ima wear the red bottoms you got me too. Daddy keep his baby fresh.” He paid my words no mind as he watched me massage the lotion onto my tiddies. “You see the purple mark you left? I told you that shit hurt.”

“You pulled my head back when I stopped though. So just say ya freak nasty ass liked it.” I blushed before continuing to lotion my body. He was right.

The showcase was packed the fuck up, and I mean from wall to wall on some CB shit. Luckily Derrick and I were posted up in V.I.P. with my dad and some of his peoples from his label. I knew most of their faces but didn’t care for the Hollywood shit.

My dad had that Summer Walker chick sitting to the left of him, and Da Baby was posted up in the back talking to some chick he came with. They looked very blessed to be here tonight and it made me feel good knowing that my father was really about to change these people’s lives.

“Shawty tryna be ya stepmoms and shit” Derrick spoke into my ear because it was loud as fuck in here. I knew who he was referring to though. Summer kept rubbing my dad’s legs or resting her head on his chest whenever he said something that I doubt was that funny. I knew my dad, and I knew him very well. He was fuckin her on the low but shawty was not good and keeping shit lowkey.

Looking from the outside in, you would think that she and my dad were dating, boo’d up. I had to remember to ask him about that lil situation later on. I didn’t care who my dad fucked or didn’t fuck. As long as it wasn’t no bitch that sneaked dissed and shaded me, I was gucci. “My dad is a lil slut.” I joked back before taking my shot to the head. I was babysitting this lil ass Tequila shot all night.

Derrick was lit off Dusse and pretending that he was aight. His hand stayed around my waist and he kept kissing on my neck ever so often. Baby was lit and wanted to fuck. We was gonn get to that a lil later on though. I actually wanted to vibe out at this lounge and hear some of the unreleased music from both artists.

“You good, babe? You want me get you a water?” I needed to use the bathroom, and get another round of shots for myself so I didn’t mind getting him a bottle of water. He needed it anyways.

“What I need water for? I’m chillinnnnn.” I chuckled before kissing his lips. “I’ll be right back. Sit here and don’t get in no trouble.” He fanned me off before sitting back on the couch and sparking up. Oh he tryna fuck me on some cross faded shit tonight. You love to see it.

xxx

There was dead ass a line to use this bathroom. I could not believe it. I was maybe fourth in line to use the bathroom when I spotted two familiar faces by the bar. “Fuck it,” I decided to try this bathroom shit later and made my way over to my big bros. Dre looked the fuck good, as usual, and Fred looked good too. I never looked at Fred that way though so it was whatever.

Dre spotted me first and then elbowed Fred, who sent a small smile my way. “Yo, where Derrick at?” That was the first thing this nigga said to me. “Hi, Fred! How are you? I’m good!” I shouted over the music, and he thought that shit was funny for some reason. He gave me a quick hug and I directed him to the V.I.P section before turning my body to face Dre.

“Hi, baby.”

“Lemme holla at you real quick.” I allowed him to take my hand in his as he led me out of the lounge and over to this parked Range Rover. I was surprised when he took a key out of his back pocket and unlocked the truck. Oh, niggaz driving in Rovers now? Copy.

Dre

“First, are you lit?” I wanted to make sure that the Paris I was talking to was in the right state of mind. Paris sober was already dangerous. But Paris off liqs or drugs? Yeah, that was a whole different person. She ignored my question as she admired my new truck. I was working my ass off to afford this truck and I dead ass loved it.

“This shit fire, Dre. I need me one of these.” I rolled my eyes before chuckling. “Shawty all you gotta do is say the word and you know ya pops gonn get you one.” She was the one to laugh this time. “Nah, that nigga got me working working. Gotta get shit on my own now.”

I nodded. I respected that, you can’t be babied forever. Eventually her spoiled ass was gonn have to get to a bag. “On the real though... I got some shit I wanna talk to you about.”

“What happen, Dre? Cut the lifetime shit and just say it.” She finally made eye contact with me. She leaned back and rested her head against the window. I admired her body in that revealing ass lace dress for only a moment before clearing my throat. “I don’t know if I’ve always been attracted to you and just buried that shit cause I truly cared about you or what... but I’ve been thinking about you heavy these last couple of days. And its not on no lil sis type shit. I be thinking bout grabbin’ you up and fucking the shit out you.”

The car was silent for maybe ten seconds before she finally spoke. “Why you was acting like you aint wanna fuck me a couple weeks ago, though? When I was throwing myself at you?”

“That’s because you was lit, Paris and you aint know what you wanted. You was going through shit with ya family and was coked out. How I’m gonn take advantage of you when you in that state? That shit not cool.”

She rolled her eyes but chose to remain silent. “I know you got ya nigga and all but I wanted to address shit, cause I’m looking at you different now and I ain’t about to front like I only see you as my sis. You gonn be my sis for life, but I’m looking at you as a different woman now.”

“So do you want to fuck or not? Cause I been wanting you inside of me for a minute now, and my nigga inside. So we could either do it here real quick or set up--”

My hand found its way around her neck and I squeezed a lil roughly as I pulled her towards me. “Suck me off.”

xxx

The truck was dark inside and my windows were tinted so I knew no one could see this princess swallowing my dick whole. My head rested against my seat as I pushed her head deeper down my dick. “Fuck...” shawty was a head monster, and I was loving every second of it. It didn’t take long for me to bust in her mouth and I was surprised when she told me that she swallowed my kids.

“Put ya chair back so I could ride ya face.” I couldn’t see her face due to the darkness in the car but her tone was serious as shit. That turned me on even more. Doing as she said, I made the stomach of my seat lay flat and I laid back. She easily climbed over from the passenger seat and hovered over my lips for a second before lowing her body onto my face. Her moans were sexy as fuck and I felt my once soft dick getting hard again.

“Mmmm, just like that baby. Oh my god!” I wasn’t new to eating chick’s out but I also didn’t think I was the best either. The way Paris was moaning and moving her hips, you would think this was the best head she ever got. As I ate her out I used my hands to grip her plump ass. In one swift motion I parted her ass cheeks and slipped my thumb in her butt. “FUCKK! You gonn make me cum all in ya mouth.” Her hands never left the top of my head as I continued to tongue fuck her and twirl my thumb in her ass. That combination made all the shawty’s go wild.

“Nah, cum on my dick. Get in the back.” She quickly moved her body to the back of the truck and laid out against the leather. “I don’t have a condom... shit.”

“So fuck me without one. I’ll take a Plan B.”

Shit, she ain’t have to say no more.

[deafinatlyafan]

I don't know if you take prompts. But if you do, can you make a fic where Princey says something rude to Anxiety that Anx shut himself and Patton goes into Dad Mode and after helping Anx he scold Prince or something. Thanks. And sorry.

Tw: food mention, mention of hate coments, anger, sad feelings.(I dont know what to tag for this)((Well, here's my attempt at a ~interesting~ fic about Witch Anxiety in the view of Morality because why not? Yes this is a prompt from a while ago, I apologize for the ~really~ long wait!))_Morality frowned. Since he came home from the drive through Prince had been complaining about Witches and Anxiety was obviously hurt by Prince's words. Morality tried to steer the conversation away, but they kept going back to why witches were horrible. It wasn't until Logic and Prince started yelling at each other about whether science had an impact in these spells that Anxiety had gotten away. Morality had wanted to eat with everyone, but he could tell today was a day that Anxiety needed to be away from Prince and Logan, and maybe even him. Anxiety had… acted less anxious the past few weeks, but he was still his usual witchy self. Morality grabbed the bag he had gotten for the supper and headed to Anxiety's door He went it to Anxiety's door and hesitated. He had never been to Anxietys room. Was Anxiety the type to want to be alone?He was about to leave before he heard sniffling from behind the door.Morality's chest felt as if it was twisting. Anxiety had been alone for a long time and you know what, It was time to change that. Until he asked to be alone, Mortality was going to stay with him. Morality entered Anxietys mindspace, trying to remain quiet. He noticed that Anxiety was on his couch, trying not to cry as he hugged his knees.“You know it's okay to cry right?” Morality asked. Anxiety snapped up and turned to face him with tears in his eye.“You-” Anxiety closed his eyes and bit his lips. After a few seconds he continued, “you scared me.” Anxiety sniffles and wiped his red teary eyes. “uh” Morality looked around his mindspace, trying to think of a pun and ignore the creepy crawlers in the corner. His eyes landed on the cat that Anxiety was snuggling with. “You cat to be kitten meow.” Morality said grinning.. Anxiety just stared at morality for a few minutes. “What does that have to do with anything?” Anxiety asked.“What do you mean?” Morality answered.“There's no cats around.” Anxiety sniffled and wiped his nose with his sleeves.“There's a cat stuffie on your arm though.” Morality pointed at Anxiety’s arm. Anxiety blushed and tried to hide the cat further down his arms.“Still… what did you mean by “cat to be kitten meow?” And why did you make it a cat?”“You need an occasion to make kitten puns? Well that's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!!” Morality grinned.Anxiety stared at him not sure what to say.“What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?” “I'm just dont know why you're making cat, and apparently seal puns.”“Because animal puns always cheer me up! And you look like you need cheering up so I thought it was worth a try.” “ Whatever,” Anxiety shrugged and put his head in his knees.“Oh by the way, Did you want some tacos?” Morality showed him a bag filled with food from taco time. Anxiety glanced up from his knees and sighed.“I guess.” Anxiety said moving to let Morality bit besides him. Morality beamed with delight. He walked to the couch and jumped onto it, opening the tacco bag.“Soo, I heard you were upset. Wanna taco ‘bout it?” Morality taking the tacos out of the bag, doing a little gig.Anxiety sighed, but Morality could see a smile creeping up his face, it was working.“I don't know. I just want to be asleep right now.”“Do you want snuggles?” Patton offered. Anxiety looked up at Morality shocked.“If you don't want it that's fine, I was just offering, I don't mind either way.” Morality looking at Anxiety hopefully. Wanting a chance to bond with him.“No I do, I just… I'm not used to people asking before doing something.” Morality was confused. What did he mean by this? Was he giving him too many unwanted hugs?Ha, who was he kidding, there's never enough hugs!“So.. do you?” Morality wasn't sure how to ask again, but he didn't want to invade his privacy.Anxiety obviously felt uncomfortable.“It's okay, I won't do snuggles if you don't want to.”Anxiety looked uncomfortable, relieved and confused all at once. “I want to, but it makes me uncomfortable.” Anxiety said, “that probably sounds stupid, just forget I said anything.” “No, it makes sense.Want me to just sit by you?” Morality offered.Anxiety nodded his head and scotched over, allowing Morality to sit in the middle of the couch. He loved sitting in the middle! It was bounciesr part of the couch and he got to snuggle with the most people!Wait its just Anxiety right now...Naw, the middle seat was still his favourite.“Is it okay if our shoulders touch?” Morality asked.“Sure I guess.”Morality moved closer until their shoulders touched. He opened the bag and handed Anxiety a tacco. Anxiety took it without saying anything. Silently taking the wrapper off before eating his taco. He sniffled a couple times but he managed to eat some of his food.After a few moments of silence Anxiety spoke up.“Sorry if my crying bothered you.” Anxiety sniffled.Morality hesitated before putting his arm around Anxiety's shoulder, basically hugging him in the process. Anxiety did not seem to notice. “It’s not a problem. I, myself need to cry from time to time.” Morality saidAnxiety just cringed a little bit. “Really?”“Yup! Sometimes the others will say something a little more hurtful than usual, sometimes they get hurt and I feel sad with them, and sometimes I see a puppy that's just too.cute” Morality strained his voice a little as he curled up his shoulders “Morality-”“Yeah?” Morality turned to face Anxiety forgetting about the puppy.“What do the others say?” Anxiety asked“Oh, just that I'm a child who doesn't understand things and need to adult more.” Anxiety sniffled a couple times.“That sucks.” he croaked.“It does,” Morality paused, unsure if he should ask Anxiety about what bothered him. “Do you want to talk about what they said?” Morality offered.Anxiety laughed and sniffled.“What is there to say? Prince obviously hates witches, and wants them destroyed.”“Anxiety-”“It's true. I'm a witch, and i'm a negative part of Thomas so of course you guys would want me gone.” “Don’t say that! We love you and want you around, negativity and all.”“Maybe you love me, but it's obvious disney there doesn’t want me around. He may have said nice things to me, but he obviously still hates me. Or at least, hates witches, which I am.” “That's not true! Well, you being a witch is true; and yes what he said was… harsh but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you!”“He said all witches were a word i shall not repeat to your ears and... He basically went on about how they were essentially evil or useless and not needed. It just made me think of how… unnecessary I was.”“Don't say that! Of course you're needed! Who would stop Thomas from doing all the bad things? Who would save all the other sides from overwhelming negativity? Roman is always chasing fantasies and I always let my emotions get the best of me. While Logic tries to keep us in line. You help balance us all out!”“It sure doesn't feel like it.” Anxiety murmured.Morality’s chest clenched as he tried to think of what to say.“Can I help?” Morality wasn't sure if this was the right thing to say but he wanted to do something. Anxiety was quiet, and Morality was about to ask again when Anxiety replied“Please just lay here with me for a bit.” Anxiety was trying to hold back sobs“Of course! Do you want me to keep hugging you?” Morality asked. Anxiety closed his eyes as he nodded his head.With his free arm, Morality moved the food on his lap to the side. He put both his arms around Anxiety, letting him sob. Why couldnt he just take away the hurt?__Morality could feel himself getting anxious and Anxiety had fallen asleep quite quickly so he found himself out. As the anxious feeling settled he was reminded of how angry he was at Roman.Fuming, he headed in the direction of where he assumed Prince would be.Morality was still angry when he found Prince with Logic in the kitchen.“How is he doing?” Prince asked fidgeting with his finger. “Horrible!” Morality threw his hands in the air, “how could you say that about witches! You know how he feels about that!”“He must know I meant all witches with the exception him! He's a decent witch And a vital part of Thomas! He wouldn't be a side if-”“I don't care Roman!” Morality screamed. Logan and Roman stayed quiet, obviously very uncomfortable.“He Literally casts spells all the time to stay calm, you should know that! He used the breathing spell on thomas so that we wouldn't be stuck as anxious sides!”“Actually that breathing technique isn't a spell, its-”“Not now Logic!” Morality snapped. Logic shut his mouth and adjusted his glasses nervously. “He always stays in his room so he won't bother you as much as you think he does. He’s scared of you and has every right too after all the horrible things you said about his friends! You need to realize your words hurt him! And not just the stuff about witches. You need to stop blabbinf whatever comes to your head and actually think about what you're saying!” Morality snapped.Prince stayed quiet.“Is he that mad?”“He's not, but I am! He's hurt by your words, and you won't bother asking him if he's okay once in awhile!”“I’m sorry- I didnt,” Prince was at a lost for words.“By the way-” Morality threw the remaining tacos at Prince’s face, watching as Prince tried to catch it, “there’s the freaking tacos you wanted. I hope you get diarrhea from it.” Morality snapped. He suddenly felt guilty. Sure Prince deserved an angry rant but maybe not diarrhea.“I’m sorry Prince, I shouldn't have yelled and said that, but-Anxiety is hurting and you’re not listening to him. There can be more than one side to a story.” Prince sighed and put his hands through his hair. “How hurt is he?”“Very.” Morality said.“Hurt to the point he can't look at me?”“I don't know. But it's best to avoid him for a while. He’s asleep anyways. Besides, if i heard my close friend talk about hurting people like me i would avoid them for a long time.”Prince shifted uncomfortably.“But.. witches are evil. They cast spells and-”“Anxiety is a witch and he’s not evil. He’s has not cast any spells that hurt us has he?” Morality answered.“No.” Prince said mournfully.“Then think about what you say before you say it.” Morality said, turning away. Prince was going to need a time out for now. --Not long after Anxiety came out of his room to grab a yogurt snack.He barely glanced at Prince and Prince looked a little nervous about talking to him. He would have backed out if it weren't for the glare Morality sent his way.“I’m sorry I called your friends evil.” Prince blurted out. Anxiety didnt react. “-I shouldn't have said those things, especially to you.” Anxiety slowly turned to face Prince. “You shouldn't have said those things at all. But, I can see where you’re coming from. They can do evil things. I usually join them on their quests.”“Yeah… You didn't deserve to hear… any of what I said. It was not princely of me. But to be fair, I never grouped you with those witches.”Anxiety raised his eyebrow and took a bite of his yogurt. “You realize when you say “All Witches- except for you” it just sounds like you're ignoring my witch identity right? I mean… I don't know, but it feels like you're ignoring it -or maybe in denials a better word. I mean it feels like you're denying the fact that i'm a witch? I don't know, it just… feels wrong?” Anxiety placed a spoonful of yogurt in his mouth.Prince took a sharp breath in.“You're right. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said that about your friends.”“They're not all my friends… but they do share a common trait with me, and when you said witches were…. You know, it just… these witches are a part of me and basically and it just... hurt?” Prince nodded,“You're right. It wasn't nice of me.”“It wasn't nice? Prince it was downright evil! I was scared of you when you talked about us like that.” Prince gulped again.“I’m sorry, I really didn't mean to scare you like that.” “It didn't just scare me, it hurt. But thanks for the apology I guess.”They shuffled awkwardly for a few minutes. Morality was considering jumping in before Prince spoke up.“Do- can we have a fresh start? I know I haven't been treating you decently, even before we learned your name, but I'd like to start over if that's okay?”“I’d like that too.” Anxiety gave a little smile, “thanks Prince.” “I’ll be more open minded about witches, and-uh-you too I guess.”“Good.” Anxiety shuffled in place, “I’m sorry, but does this mean we have to be really gushy to each other? Because I’m not interested in gushing over flowers and kittens if that's what's required for a friendship.”Prince laughed, “Don't worry, I won't gush over them too much. How about we just… be more open minded to each other, and learn about each?”“Sounds good to me.” Anxiety smiled a little.Morality smiled even bigger. All he had to so now was to get them working together.And he had the perfect plan.Prank wars!!

[kittenplough1-blog]

Taco ‘Bout a Good Time: A Colorful Cinco de Mayo Wedding at Brookview Ranch

Megan + Phillip have quite the love story—their proposal involved the two of them jumping out of a plane together and then a ring was presented at the end. I mean, what?! Well, a year after that epic proposal, M+P said their vows at Brookview Ranch on May 5th. Their photographer, Brooke Borough, shares: Since they were having their wedding on Cinco de Mayo, they knew they wanted to incorporate it into their wedding décor. And they totally did just that—looking through the photos you will see a TON of color and culture, from both Phillip’s side, as well as Megan’s.

Megan is a model for Show Me Your Mumu, so they worked with her to create a custom color, exclusive for her wedding. How fun is that? Brimming with brilliant mustard yellows, tons of bright pink bougainvillea, and rounded out by gorgeous blue hues, we have a feeling you might just fall head over heels for their big day, planned by Karen Marie Events.

The Wedding Party

Isn’t that mustard yellow hue STUNNING?! We dig that Show Me Your Mumu has so many different style options, so your ladies can choose their fave, while still creating a cohesive look.

Note: You might recognize one of the bridesmaids—Bri—from the latest season of the Bachelor (she was the gal with the fake Australian accent).

Megan rocked not one, but TWO gorgeous gowns. The first was this lacy Berta gown from Mon Amie Bridal Salon, and the second (you’ll see later on) was a custom gown from Katie May.

The Bloomin’ Bougainvillea Ceremony Space

Here at GWS, we have a *thing* for bougainvillea… Naturally, our jaws dropped when we saw this brilliant ceremony space with florals by Wildflowers Floral Design.

I mean would you look at all those vibrant pink hues?! GORGEOUS!

Our Favorite Memory From The Wedding

The most memorable part of the wedding was our vows. I still cry every time I daydream about that moment. It was as if the whole world stood still and all I could hear was Phillip's voice; all I could see were his quivering lips and all I could feel was the pride and confidence in his voice as he put his heart on his sleeve. As we walked away as husband and wife, everyone I made eye contact with was crying and everyone’s energy was radiating with such love and joy. It wasn’t just the most memorable moment from the wedding, it was the most memorable moment of my entire life.

Our Musical Choices

Processional: Phillip: Truly Madly Deeply played by a family friend; Megan: In Case You Didn’t Know (acoustic version) also played a family friend

Recessional: No Other Love by Common Kings

First Dance: The Way You Look Tonight by Eric Clapton

Are they the cutest, or what?

Megan tells us: I found my inspiration from the colors and prints at Show Me Your Mumu and spun the vibe and theme off the day of the wedding: Cinco de Mayo. Phillip asked me to be his girlfriend on the 5th, his wife on the 5th, and wore the number 5 on his back his entire career as an athlete. When we realized we would be getting married on the 5th of May, I just ran with it and knew my neutral color wedding palette was going out the door. It wasn’t us anyway. Phillip and I are bright and colorful and we wanted our décor to reflect that.

The Newlyweds

Diggin’ Phillip’s look? How we love a blue suit for the groom! Here are some of our faves:

Unfortunately Brookview Ranch was impacted by the recent Woolsey Fire, but they are rebuilding what was damaged, and they’ll reopen in 2020!

We’re definitely pinning that boho meets glam hairstyle Blushing Beauty created for later!

Let’s Taco ‘Bout This Reception

Taco ‘Bout a Good Time—how cute is this acrylic seating chart?!

Phillip’s uncles crafted the teepee and his step-dad made all the other décor: the fruit stand, the seating chart, the table numbers, any and every wood piece he whittled in his little garage shop.

All of the napkins and pillow for the day were made from leftover fabric from the bridesmaids’ dresses. Such a good way to make sure everything goes to good use + to keep the palette cohesive!

Oh, and those darling soap favors? Megan’s aunt, Jenny, crafted them!

Phillip being an athlete and our love story revolving around distance and Phillip’s soccer journey—we had to run though a banner for our reception as husband and wife, naturally. ;)

Big congrats to the both of you! Want to see more of the festive celebration? Take look at this video from Wild + Free Films:

photography: Brooke Borough Photography // venue name: Brookview Ranch, Agoura Hills, California, USA // planning: Karen Marie Events // florals: Wildflowers Floral Design // wedding dress: Berta Gown // wedding dress boutique: Mon Amie Bridal Salon // bride's ring: Chase Gregory Jewlers // bridesmaid dresses: Show Me Your Mumu // getting ready robes: Show Me Your Mumu // hair stylist: Blushing Beauty // makeup artist: Beauty by Angela Alessi // groom attire: Its Good Clothing // groom's ring: Chase Gregory Jewlers // videography: Wild + Free Films // tabletop rentals: Red Barn Events // furniture rentals: My Lovely Events // linen rentals: Mia Bella Chiavari // officiant: Jonathan Williams (friend) // photo booth: Red Carpet Photo Shoot // soap favors: Bride's Aunt Jenny // ceremony + reception chairs: Mia Bella Chiavari // reception dress: Katie May

Source: https://greenweddingshoes.com/cinco-de-mayo-wedding-at-brookview-ranch/

[star-nova]

The Lives of the RiffRaff: Zatch Wilson-Stonesville Street Fair

(Holy crap it’s been a while x.x I didn’t realize it’d been so long and I have all these stories just sitting here waiting to be posted. I am thinking of making a separate blog on Weebly just for Lives of the RiffRaff. It all depends on if anyone’s actually reading, I guess.) 

Previous chapters here.

When Jake Caraway and Craig Sherer come bounding up the road with wheelbarrows full of the biggest, ripest vegetables I ever did see, when the potent aroma of fresh-baked pies wafts through the air from the Fawkes' place, and when Gilbert Reilly shows up at my door with plates of samples from his food truck, I know the Stonesville Summer Street Fair is on its way.

“It's Sample Day,” I tell Leon when I call him up that afternoon. “Pass it on.” He knows exactly what “Sample Day” is; it's as much of a summer tradition as the street fair itself.

Gilbert's got a food truck, Gil's Grill, and the Stonesville Street Fair marks his annual summer debut at every fair in the county and the ones surrounding. Every year, two weeks after the 4th, the street fair arrives and he debuts his menu for the summer-to-fall 2019 season. The squad and I are awarded with the honor of testing out his latest repertoire. It's a big deal that we make a little party out of.

Kali, Rickie, Leon, and Vera show up with cases of soda, beer, and ice cream bars. Rickie's brought along his guitar, which he busks with at the fair every year, and Vera has stacks of photographs she hopes to frame and show. It isn't only the food that's going to be sampled.

We crack open some cold ones and Gil sets a plate full of free samples down in front of each of us: bacon-wrapped pigs in a blanket with mild barbecue sauce, grilled chicken and cheese bites, golden brown shimp poppers, mini chicken and beef tacos, and fried jalopeno bites. I taste a little bit of everything and find the pigs and the beef tacos to be especially satisfying. “Yo, Gil,” I call out, “toss me some more of those tacos, will ya?” I hold up the toothpick that once held my taco, now picked clean.

Gilbert, being a cool guy, doesn't object to giving out extra samples. Any more after the third, however, will have to wait until the fair.

To Tanager's general populace, the Stonesville Street Fair ranks low in importance to the upcoming Randolph County Fair, and even to our own tiny cultural festival held at the end of May. To RiffRaff, the street fair is the event of the summer. We love the county fair just as much as anybody, but the place is packed with far too many Others. The lack of popularity of the Stonesville Fair means that we can hang around without having our every moved scrutinized down somebody's nose. We don't have to hear, “There's some RiffRaff” or “There go those RiffRaff” from big mouths and pointing fingers. Most of all, we have a presence there that only the lack of Others allows. The county fair is where we go to play Others' games, eat Others' food, see Others' shows, and hear Others' music. The Stonesville Fair is where we go for our own. The relative lack of competition from Others means that our hard work is never for naught; we get as much of a chance for awards and bragging rights as anybody else.

The place is our summer paradise.

This year, I've got my usual after-dusk show packed away in its case. The Stonesville Street Fair doesn't receive quite as spectacular fireworks as the Frosts' 4th of July extravaganza, but for the handful of attendees that stay to the end, it's more than enough. Everyone loves a good fireworks show, and with no competition from the industry pros, I've gone home with accolades more than once.

I'm playing with a spare Morning Glory out in the yard when Kali peers over the top of my fence. “Sup?” I say, dousing out the sparkler in a bowl.

“Come closer,” Kali says, smirking like she's got something under her sleeve.

“You ain't gonna kiss me, are ya?” I take a few cautious steps in her direction.

“No, but I'll bust your lip open if you ever ask me that again.” Kali tends to think fists are the answer to everything.

I stand a little ways away from her. She swings herself up onto the fence. “All right,” I say, “what's up?”

“Look at me, you dope,” Kali says. “What's different?”

“Thanks for the permission,” I say. “I didn't wanna get in trouble for looking at you.” She smiles like she's hiding a secret. I start from the top of her bald head and work my way down: head, eyes, ears, cheeks, nose...

Nose. There it is, glittering gold in the corner of her right nostril.

“You got a nose ring?”

“You're damn right I got a nose ring.” Kali jumps off the fence and lands on her feet in my yard.

“Well, it doesn't surprise me, Kali,” I say. In addition to this new development, she already has gauges in both ears and a barbel in her bellybutton. “Looks good,” I tell her, 'cause I know it's what she's waiting to hear. I wouldn't do it, but it's her nose and not mine.

“I'm gonna get a little chain for it,” Kali says, “and let Rickie lead me around the fair like a bull.”

“That doesn't surprise me either,” I tell her.

“I'm joking, dipshit.”

“That's me.” I light another Morning Glory and stare into its hot white sparks before passing one to Kali. “Light yours on mine,” I say.

“Your show ain't all sparklers this year,” Kali says, knowing damn well that it isn't, “is it?” It takes two tries for her sparkler to light.

“No, but I got the colored ones all packed up in my Magic Bag,” I say, referring to the case. “Got a whole new layout for them this year. They'll open the show.”

“You'll do great,” Kali says, drawing patterns in the air with her sparks.

I hope she's right. My show had been featured in the August Stonesville Legacy after the 2018 and 2016 fairs, and had won the award for Best Fair Headliner two years in a row. For a guy who's not a pro, just one picture of your fireworks in the Tribune is enough to have me walking on air for weeks. But I'd gotten two, and one of them had been on the front page.

Only at the Stonesville Street Fair could RiffRaff earn praise like that.

The worst heat wave of the century puts the fair off for an extra week. That being said, when July 27th arrives in a blaze of glory you can practically hear the anticipation explode like fireworks in the sky. The day is marked by the sight of enough RiffRaff cars to give the Others a case of the vapors, all taking different routes in the same direction. Any other day, they'd assume we were up to something nefarious, rather than to “run ragged around Stonesville's little street fair,” as I'd once overheard a neighbor say. Little! He didn't know that this fair was our summer Mecca. I catch sight of Talia's Subaru going way too fast down one of the back dirt roads, likely carrying Arthur and possibly James. She wouldn't miss this fair, even though she had spent the past few weeks laying surprisingly low.

Most of us would be setting up camp in those cars. Those with stands or show tables would park right up close to them and lounge out in their back seats or their trunks, playing dangerous games with their car batteries by leaving the AC running. During the downtime that comes sometime after twelve, they'll temporarily abandon their forts to explore around the rest of the fair.

The first thing I notice when I pull into the fairground is the ferris wheel, looking down at us all as if in greeting. It's the same wheel that they'll use over in Randolph County next month. I smile at it as if saying hi to an old friend.

There's no car-fort for me. My show doesn't start up till much later and I'm free to move about the fair. I look around for Kali, who doesn't have a show, in hopes that the two of us can go around in the wheel a few times. I weave my way past midway games and through crowds of people that can't be Others, since they don't know us and don't know we're RiffRaff. I run into James, Talia, and Arthur—or rather, they run into me—as they come speeding around the corner with arms full of deep-fried loot that they most definitely filched from a table somewhere.

“Watch it,” Talia says venomously.

“You ran into m...” I begin, but they're already off. Arguing with Talia is pretty useless anyhow. I have a good idea of where they're headed; the Stonesville Street Fair has underground activities as colorful as those on the grounds, that only RiffRaff are permitted to know. But I'd rather not be involved.

“Hey, you bastards!” I holler when I finally find Kali standing with Bex and Rickie in the line for the wheel. “You ain't getting on the wheel without me!”

“Get over here, then,” Kali says, waving me over to the spot behind her in line.

The lady behind me huffs and snorts like a pig when I take my place. Bex flashes a supermodel smile at her that could kill. “He's our friend,” she says as sweet as can be, “and friends do for friends.”

We RiffRaff are a privileged lot. All of the pig-snorting Karens in the world couldn't take that from us.

Gilbert's tacos are even better in full size.

After downing two, which I'll probably regret later on, and experiencing just about every ride worth riding, there's still hours to kill. The noon downtime settles in like a breeze, and I figure I can go pull Leon and Vera away from the photography display and find a party. The stand hasn't been getting much activity anyway; it never does, but Vera sets it up every year as a labor of love for her hobby. When I get there, she's already setting up the “Back later” sign marked for one-thirty PM.

“Hi Zatch,” she says, smiling winningly.

“Hey,” I say back. “You going on break?”

“For now,” she says, eyeing the table full of lovingly-framed pictures of berry plants and shadows.

“Did you two go on any rides yet?” I ask.

“Not yet.”

“How 'bout the merry-go-round?” I ask. “We'll take you 'round once, then you can ride in the mermaid chair while Leon and I hop on the Tornado.” Vera has a few restrictions when it comes to rides.

Vera looks at Leon for approval, and he nods. “Okay!” she says, and away we go. Vera slips her hand through mine, which shows how much she trusts me and makes me feel like the best flippin' friend I can be. Leon pushes her chair so I can hold on as I walk beside her. A funny little idea pops up in my head that she might actually like me; as in, like me like Kali likes Rickie and Rickie likes Greta Slokov. I look down at her pretty little face and suddenly I want to rumple her sun-colored hair. I'm pretty sure I'm one of the very few people who could get away with such a thing without being jabbed in the stomach with her cane. But I don't do it. She isn't looking at me anyway. She's just holding my hand, smiling at nothing in particular.

Stonesville is a little bit more liberal than our hyper-conservative town, but being a southern town, it has to have some sort of a religious presence. We pass by a church stand full of pamphlets and propaganda and I don't bother to look at it, but Vera does. That's how it nearly gives me a heart attack when the reverend calls out, “Vera Sherwood, you are looking like a picture today!”

Now I have to look. It's Reverend Taylor Applegate, from our own church. Dammit. Even as a churchgoing man, I find the new reverend to be one of the most condescending people I've ever known. The guy conducts himself like some kind of golden messiah, wandering his way through this heathen world in all of his heavenly glory. He knows very well who the RiffRaff are, and reserves the full force of his noble piety just for us. “God bless you, oh, God bless you,” he says pitifully with a nod, whenever one of us happens to cross his exalted path. “Remember that this day is a gift like all the others. It is a blessing just to be here on this wonderful Earth.” The man infuriates me, but unfortunately Vera is just as enchanted with him as the other ninety percent of the town.

“Hi there, Reverend!” she says chipperly.

The reverend looks to me and to Leon and says, “Good day, boys.” Boys. We're both older than him.

“Afternoon, Reverend,” Leon says. I just nod. I rack my brain for a way to get away.

“God has given us a truly lovely day for a fair,” the reverend says. “Count this day among your many blessings.” He nods as if affirming himself that he's right, that he must be right, because God told him personally that he is right.

“We're about to hit up a few rides,” I say, finally finding my escape.

“I'm going on the merry-go-round!” Vera says cheerily. The million-dollar smile that she reserves exclusively for the reverend is almost worth putting up with him. God, why can't she look at me the way she looks at that guy? The young, golden-haired, unmarried reverend was a walking test of temptation for the young Christian women of Tanager. Unfortunately for them, he was far too holy to entertain such worldly ideas. He certainly wouldn't pay any mind to RiffRaff.

“Sounds like a lot of fun,” the reverend said. “Enjoy yourselves, and feel free to stop by anytime you need a burst of positivity from God.” Then he leans over the table and takes Vera by both of her hands. “Remember, Vera,” he tells her, as she looks into his eyes like he's the Messiah himself, “God made you just as you are. He made you in his image, as He made all of the other people who have ever walked this Earth and ever will. You are blessed to be here, and wonderfully made.”

Is it sinful to want to slap a member of the clergy? “We really gotta get going,” I say, jerking Vera's chair away from the booth. “We don't have all day.” I don't give a damn about being rude to this joker anymore. I wonder at Leon for having nothing to say about this, until I realize that he's just about as charmed by the reverend as the rest of town. Disgusting. It's disgusting. How can he say that shit? God made you as you are? Wonderful? Blessed? It was wonderful and blessed to be paralyzed and seizing? It was God's intention to form such a fragile body that could do so little? Leon and I, and Kali, and Gilbert, and so many of our friends and the rest of the world are healthy, able to walk and to take care of ourselves, while Vera was given the blessing of not even being able to go to the bathroom on her own. And this clown was going to tell her that's wonderful?

We board the merry-go-round and Leon straps Vera onto the back of a regal black horse. I take a seat on an armored white horse right across from her and don't feel too much like riding a merry-go-round anymore. I'm too mad, but I can't tell if it's God or the reverend I'm upset with. It didn't help that the guy went around asserting himself as God's personal messenger. He isn't. He's just a guy, like me and Leon and everybody else. In some other reality he, too, would be RiffRaff.

I look over at Vera, sitting up as tall and regal as a four-foot-nine woman can be, on the back of that horse fit for a queen. In her long yellow eyelet dress and her sunshine hair shining in the afternoon sun, she really does look like she could be a queen. She's got that million-dollar smile again—not for the reverend, not this time—and as the merry-go-round starts up, she waves like Miss America to the other RiffRaff passing by. She isn't only Vera Sherwood. She's the Queen of the Fair, the Queen of Tanager, the Queen of West Virginia, the Queen of the World.

The reverend was right all along, and so is God.

[badgerslick]

Jeeves Peeves - Nocturnal Emissions (Part 12)

Have u ever wondered about the food you eat from the fast food industry?  I don't worry about it at all. Know why?  I never eat it. Whenever a reporter writes an article about these places, it makes for a good read. Glank Flank, only reporter for the Triffick Texas Tuba, rode w/ a guy on his food delivery route to some of these places.  Business names have been altered so as not to bring any

undue pressure on the paper. 

Flank:  So Klibe, tell me whut yous job consists of. 

Klibe:  I work fer  Delk Food Distribution. All th' food y' eat in these places comes off th'  back a'

          mah truck. Got a busy route. Never knew 'till I got th' job just how many tons a' food 

          peoples consume at these places. 

Flank:  Whut did y' do 'afore this job?  

Klibe:  I'm a doctor. 

Flank:  Whut? I don't git it. 

Klibe:  It's a small town.  I only have this job few days a week. 

Flank:  U have a practice?  Successful?  

Klibe:  Oh yeah. Get th' patients from th' food outlets I delivers to. When I'm inside, I hand out

            business cards t' th' customers. Tells 'em I specializes in gastric issues. Diarrheas too. 

Flank:  Most a' yous patients fast food eaters?  

Klibe:  Absolute. Gots a "bring your stomach" day. Have lotsa folks, whole families come t' th'

            clinic after chowin' down, these places. So this promotion, buy one get one free box a'

            antacid,  goin' real "reg'lar"  ha...ha...ha...

Klibe:  Here we are, pullin' inta Family Fajitas. Can't believe th' beans, lard this place goes thru. 

Flank:  What wuz that big deal 'bout them genetically engineered taco shells? 

Klibe:  Whiners outta Dallas said it wuz unnatural, bad fer ya. Had t' exchange 'em for th' real

            thing. Picked up hundreds a' boxes, delivered 'em t' th' cattle ranchers fer feed. Y' 

            prob'ly seen th' commercials. Ads fer 'corn-fed' beef. Cows wuz eatin' fake taco shells! 

Flank:  Funny how that's th' only thing they complained about. 

Klibe:  Agreed. Never said word one 'bout where th' beans, ground beef come from. 

Flank:  Where t' now?  

Klibe:  Burger Buddies. Got here jus' in time. Thought they wuz gonna run out a' patties. Jus' got

          that shipment a' formaldehyde beef from Peru 

last night at th' packin' plant. Mix it

          w/ meat from other states, countries. Say they have up t' a hunnert diff'rent animals

          in one patty. So when y' come here, it's kinda like dinin' 'round th' world. 

Flank:  How are folks stayin' alive eatin' this stuff?

Klibe:  Y' forget. People git up, brush their teeth w/ fluoride. Have coffee w/ fake sugar. Salt

            th' fuck outta everything. They come t' eat these places, no problems fer most. Catches

          up w/ 'em, they see me. 

Flank:  Kinda overwhelmed. People know 'bout this but keep on eatin'. 

Klibe:  See, th' big chains, they put legal chemicals in th' food fer smell & as preservatives. 

          It's no secret peoples' addicted. Ol' preacher Ollo married a youngin' from th' church. 

          Didn't know she ate...no...lived, in these places. Ollo got hives, hackin, joints wouldn't 

          move. Come t' me. Smelled like fast food stench. Knew right away. Had t' send th' wife

          t' this fast food rehab place in Lubbock. 

Flank: What's th' treatment?  

Klibe:  They put 'em on vitamin & mineral IVs. Lock th' rooms so they don't get out. Pipe in fast

          food aromas th'  chemists have altered t' smell even stronger than th' eatin' places. 

          They alternate pizza, burrito, burger smells ever' hour for seven days. Gotta be looked at

            'round the clock...DTs, barfin' big.  Releases 'em when th' nightmares goes away. 

Flank:  Nightmares, from food?  

Klibe:  Most a' th' foods not real, just looks lik' it. Anyway, real weird thing. Most all th' 

          dreams have alotta these clown characters glidin' on fast food products in circles, 'round

            th'  rooms. Patients say it's terrifyin'. Scares 'em away from th' chains. Once th' dreams

            fade, th' patients are good t' go. 

Flank:  Last stop. Pizza Pals. Home a' th' four cheese double decker five meat pizza. Should be

            banned. 

Klibe:  So y' heard 'bout Mrs Yeggle.  Well, she be around this kinda food alla her life. Caught up

            w/ her. Husband put her in th' back a' his pickup, wouldn't fit up front. Brought her to th'

              office. Said th' missus ate one a' them 24 inchers yous wuz talkin' 'bout. Most  severe 

              case a' fast food over-bloat I ever seen. Couldn't help her. Had t' med-evac her t' th' 

              big town hospital. Got her inta surgery. Before th' surgeons figured out whut t' do, she

              blew up. Set off th' air-raid siren. 

Flank:  I heard th' fire department declared th' operatin' room a toxic dump. Guess a couple a'

            nurses wuz injured by th' blast. 

Klibe:  Th' goods news wuz they puts a hog stomach in 'er.  Saved 'er life. The bad news she

            won't eat pork no more. 

Flank:  Gittin' kinda hungry. See them arches. Been couple a' days since muh last Big Mac. 

Klibe:  Yeah, me too. Hear a pound a' fries only a dollar t'day! 

                                                Nocturnalisticly............Jeeves

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: MacKinnon Is At It Again; Lundqvist Saves Another Fifty; Mikael Granlund – March 3

There was an update on Matt Murray in that he skated before the team did on Friday for practice. He did not take any shots as he recovers from his concussion but it’s nonetheless a good sign that he’s on the ice in full equipment. I’m sure they’ll be very cautious here so there’s no need to activate him from the IR anytime soon.

*

Evan Rodrigues missed Buffalo’s game Friday night with what the team is calling an upper-body injury. Hopefully it’s nothing too serious as he’d been pretty good for the Sabres of late, managing nine points in 13 February games. He had been centering the second line and was slotted on the top power-play unit. Kyle Okposo returned to the lineup for the Sabres and took the spot of Rodrigues on the first power-plays setup. We’ll pass along updates on Rodrigues when we see them.

*

Shea Theodore returned to the lineup following his injury/illness bouts of late. Not a moment too soon as Nate Schmidt appears to be a bit banged up. That should put a little more onus on Theodore offensively.

*

Both Micheal Ferland and Kris Versteeg close to returning as both Flames forwards skated in non-contact jerseys Friday afternoon with the team. After the game-day skate, coach Gulutzan intimated that Ferland will be back early next week.

I’m assuming that Ferland will return to the top line, allowing Sam Bennett to move down to the third line where he, Mark Jankowski, and Garnet Hathaway had found some success together. Just a heads up for Ferland owners that he will be activated shortly.

It’ll be interesting to see what the team does with Versteeg, in particular on the power play. The top unit looked good with Versteeg on it before his injury back in November. Do they go back to it? Does that bump a defenceman or a forward? There’s a lot still up in the air with this.  

*

Edmonton is looking for Ryan Nugent-Hopkins to return to the lineup when the team hosts the Rangers on Saturday night. He has been out of the lineup since mid-January with an injury to his sternum. He had been enjoying a resurgent season with 16 goals in 46 games so the next month may go a long way in determining his ADP come September.  

*

New Jersey lost to Carolina, but Taylor Hall scored, extending his points streak. It’s just getting silly now:

Taylor Hall of the @NJDevils is the eighth different player in the last 30 years (since 1987-88) to record at least one point in 24+ consecutive appearances. #NHLStats #NJDvsCAR pic.twitter.com/CnvblPENVn

— NHL Public Relations (@PR_NHL) March 3, 2018

For those with an Athletic subscription that may have missed it, there was a good read on why Hall is a legitimate Hart Trophy contender this year. I know it’s a popular thought in some circles, but this lays out the numbers as to why. I recommend going through it.

*

Dressed in blue and he knew/ Where to go to that’s what he knows/ With finish mitts / A goal for Tanner Fritz.

I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I didn’t sneak some Taco into this Ramblings on a night where Fritz scored for the Islanders. Sue me.

He was lined up on the top line, by the way, and Cal Clutterbuck skated on the second line with Jordan Eberle missing the matchup. Though lines did change often.

Alex Galchenyuk led the way for the Habs in their 6-3 win over the Islanders, registering his second career hat trick and adding an assist for good measure. Noah Juulsen scored his first career goal, a rocket into the top corner from the point.

Max Pacioretty left the game in the third period and did not return while Victor Mete left the game in the first period with an apparent hand injury and did not return. We didn’t get an update on Pacioretty but the team did say that Mete was sent back to Montreal for further evaluation.

*

Winnipeg’s first goal of the night was the 32nd on the season from Patrik Laine, and it was… pretty good?

.@PatrikLaine29 stick-handles through multiple players to get this goal. pic.twitter.com/i7ESGCXDcM

— NHL GIFs (@NHLGIFs) March 3, 2018

That tally, by the way, moved Patrik Laine (68) past Ilya Kovalchuk (67) for goals by a teenager. He added his 69th later in the game.

Laine will obviously get the headlines for this performance, but Nikolaj Ehlers had 10 (!) shots on goal. He’s the first Jets played to have such a game this season. I talk about him a little later in these Ramblings. Well, maybe not talk about him. Gush over him? We’ll go with that.

*

Aleksander Barkov scored in Florida’s win over Buffalo, giving him goals in three straight and points in five straight (four goals and four assists in that span). He has 29 points in 24 games since the calendar turned 2018. Evgenii Dadonov had a couple of assists giving him three multi-point games in his last four.

*

For the first time in his career, Nathan MacKinnon has scored 30 goals. When he was drafted, this seemed an inevitability, though I’m not sure many would have guessed it would take five seasons. All the same.

Oh, the Avalanche just destroyed the Wild, by the way. Adding to his two goals, MacKinnon had three assists, giving him his second five-point game of the season. He has 76 points in 56 games. Lol.

Tyson Barrie had a goal and an assist, Mikko Rantanen had a goal and three assists, and Gabriel Landeskog had a goal. With his four-point game, Rantanen has 63 in 63 contests. Yes, he’s a point-per-game player now.

Man alive.

*

For the second game in a row, the Rangers allowed over 50 shots. For the second game in a row, Henrik Lundqvist saved at least 50 of them. This time, in Calgary, he allowed just one goal in the 3-1 victory. That was his 10th game this year with at least 40 shots faced meaning he needs three more to tie Jonathan Bernier for most 40+ shot games in a season since the 2012 lockout.

Since you’re all probably wondering:

Henrik Lundqvist is the first goaltender in NHL history (since saves were first tracked in 1955-56) to make 50 or more saves and earn a win in two consecutive games. #NYR

— NYR Stats & Info (@NYRStatsInfo) March 3, 2018

The only Flame without a shot on goal was Garnet Hathaway. Seven players had at least four.

By the way, Ryan Spooner had a goal and an assist in this contest, giving him seven points in three games since being traded from Boston. It’s a nice little run he’s on.

*

Craig Smith, Roman Josi, Scott Hartnell, and Yannick Weber were all “rested” by the Predators on Friday night in Vancouver. They played Thursday night in Edmonton and have an afternoon road game on Sunday so I guess it makes sense. If this becomes a habit league-wide, though, especially considering there’s over a month left in the season, this could get annoying fantasy-wise.

Mike Fisher, in his first game back with Nashville, kicked off the team’s comeback, scoring their first goal of the game. The Predators fell behind 2-0 and eventual won 4-3 in overtime despite the back-to-back and a lot of regulars sitting.

Alex Edler had a monster fantasy night with two assists (both on the power play), four shots, four blocked shots, and three hits.

Ryan Johansen was ejected in the middle of the third period for a spear to the, er, lower region of a Canucks forward. I imagine he’ll face some sort of supplemental discipline.

*

We had a wild game in Vegas, of course. The Golden Knights fired a couple third-period goals to tied the game at four apiece before a late goal from Alex Burrows put the Senators over the top.

William Karlsson scored his 35th of the season with Reilly Smith tallying his 22nd.

Erik Karlsson managed three assists for the Senators while Bobby Ryan had a goal and two helpers.

Matt Duchene scored for Ottawa, his 18th of the year, which is as many as he scored last year.

*

Even without Ryan Getzlaf in the lineup – he was a late scratch due to an illness – the Ducks dispatched of the Blue Jackets. Rickard Rakell and Cam Fowler both had a goal and an assists for Anaheim. Rakell added five additional shots and three hits to give himself a well-rounded fantasy performance.

Zach Werenski scored for the Jackets, his 12th of the season, surpassing last year’s total.

John Gibson returned to the lineup for the first time in nearly three weeks and stopped 34 of 36 shots in the win.

Just for giggles: the Coyotes (11) have more wins than Columbus (10) since Christmas.

*

It seems weird to me that Mikael Granlund went from “can he score 10 goals a year” to “well, he’s perennially a 25-goal threat now” and it’s something we don’t discuss very much. Allow me to change that.

First things first, he obviously has been shooting more. His first three 82-game seasons are the three lowest shot rates of his career and his shot attempts per 60 minutes has climbed every year for four years. It’s not as if that’s uncommon for a young player but for a young player to give us three years of data, and suddenly start shooting more in his age-24 season, is a lot less common.

Granlund isn’t riding some sort of percentage binge, either. He shot 14.7 percent in 2016-17 but just over 8 percent at five-on-five. Even with the power-play shooting percentage decline (a bloated 29.2 percent in 2016-17 but down to 15.9 percent this year), he’s still right in line with his goals/game output (0.32) because of his power-play shot increase. Things have normalized and he’s still on a 26-goal/82-game pace. This is a very good sign.

About that power-play percentage spike. It’s worth noting where he was shooting from on the power play before 2016-17, what changed, and why that’s important. Here are his shot maps for each season from 2014-17 via HockeyViz.com:

See the change?

This year he has started shooting a bit more from the wings, hence the percentage decline (which was inevitable anyway). But he’s still getting his shots from the net-front, and his overall shot rate has gone up, so it’s not a huge concern.

Granlund is finally living up to the lofty expectations fantasy owners had for him all those years ago. By no means is he a roto stud; he’s still not a huge shot volume guy, he doesn’t take penalties, and he doesn’t do much in other peripherals. The production is there, though, and it should be there for years to come. That’s a significant deviation from where he was even two years ago and fantasy owners should be happy with that.

*

If they didn’t have an embarrassment of riches up front already, the addition of Paul Stastny made the Jets truly terrifying. Anytime Patrik Laine and Nikolaj Ehlers are justifiably slotted on the “third” line, you know you have depth.

This embarrassment of riches is proving to be a sort of problem for Ehlers, though.

Problem may be a bit strong. Going into Friday night, he sits at 25 goals on the year and he’s on pace to crack 60 points again. Considering it’s just his age-21 season and he’s already managed two 25-goal campaigns, it’s hard to say he has a problem. Ongoing issue, maybe?

The issue of course is the power play. He’s been stuck on the second unit for the majority of the year and there’s a clear delineation between the top quintet and the secondary one; this isn’t Toronto where there are two evenly-used units. Registering 12-15 power-play points is nothing to sneeze at but until he earns enough minutes to put up 20-plus consistently, Ehlers won’t reach his fantasy potential.

He does have pretty good company for five-on-five primary point scoring rate at five-on-five, though, since the start of last season:

*

Will Jakob Silfverberg ever find that next level in the fantasy game? His 82-game paces this year are 18 goals and 20 assists. That’s while playing 18:17 per game. Was 2016-17 – with 23 goals and 49 points – as good as it’s going to get? Playing on a checking line with a supposedly injured Ryan Kesler obviously isn’t helping. Without power-play time and being stuck in a checking role, though, can we realistically expect more than 20 goals and 40 points a season? Doesn’t seem like it.

*

Colour me intrigued on Matt Duchene. Going into Friday night, he had 23 points in 25 games so far in calendar 2018. When that happens to a guy that normally doesn’t score at that rate, something is usually amiss percentage-wise. Well, in that span, the team shot 9.5 percent with him on the ice at five-on-five. He had three seasons in Colorado over 10 percent and another season over 9 percent, so it’s not extreme. He was shooting 15.2 percent himself at all strengths over that span, which is high for him, but he has never finished a season below 10 percent and had a 15 percent season in 2015-16. So maybe a bit high personally, but not by much? He also wasn’t among the leaders from their forwards in power-play points per minute or on-ice shooting. This is just a really solid stretch of production and there’s not much out of line.

Again, colour me intrigued.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-mackinnon-is-at-it-again-lundqvist-saves-another-fifty-mikael-granlund-march-3/