#tf2 x significant other

[namranii]

hey, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- do you know TF2? can you write demoman x reader that cannot take alcohol (for whatever reason you want) ? thanks if you do end up seeing this :)

-🇲🇽 anon

yes tf2 is almost my entire blog (that and bully lol)

warning: mentions alcoholism and child abuse

——————————————————————————————————

not mad or anything, its not like you could control your inability to swallow a single drop of any type of alcohol, but is a bit disappointed because he’s always wanted to spend hours drinking with the love of his life.

he decides to be a bit creative and do this anyway, but he gets you a Shirley Temple. its a win win, you get to spend time with each other and you don’t have to force yourself to drink alcohol.

you hated alcohol. it made you sick to your stomach, maybe because your father would beat you senseless after he’d spend hours and hours drinking as many possible bottles of Polmos Spirytus Rektyfikowany Vodka. or maybe it was because you wanted to throw up if you drank it.

demo man knew the story, and it may have helped him with his own obsession with Scrumpy. of course, the average person might assume that he wouldn’t care for his significant other, but they would be wrong.

that was the love of his life right there. YOU were the love of his life, someone who he never wanted to leave. and he would know whatever it took to make you as comfortable as possible. even if that meant learning how to live without alcohol.

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

Feel free 2 yell @ me if this is weird or otherwise bad, but I need an impartialjudge and none of my friends wanna say anything.

But I have a spy OC and a scout OC who r on the same OC team 2gether. They r unrelated, and could actualy have an intersting dynamic if shipped 2gther.

Problem is, i'm scared that if I make them a ship ppl will think I condone canom Spy x canpn Scout, or insest shipping in general, which i absolutely do not.

Honestly in my opinion, there's not really any reason to do this LMAO. Like I understand having tf2 ocs who are distinct from the original characters, but there's a general problem with these kinds of fandom ocs, which is that they're rather difficult to separate from the original property for a lot of people. I also have known of quite a few people who have used the "noooo they're not related they're my ocs!" thing to justify doing the spyscout incest thing, which isn't what I'm implying you're doing but it is an implication you need to be aware of. Overall I will break my advice (which u don't need to take lol I'm just some guy) into a couple suggestions:

Accept that there are going to be Implications(tm) that you will need to explain very often if you insist on shipping your Scout oc and your Spy oc together, regardless of how unrelated they are. This is a pain to have to do, but if you do it enough times it would probably get people off your back and after a while people would get used to it

Explore the dynamic between these two characters in a non-romantic setting. There are other kinds of relationships besides just romantic ones and you can still get an interesting dynamic with a platonic friendship

Break the characters away from being tf2 ocs. Fandom ocs are fun, don't get me wrong, but this is one of those instances where having your original characters that you created be tied to someone else's story can start becoming a crutch. The tf2 world and concept is a very fun one to create characters for, but it's not the only way! Sometimes it's nice to have characters who are completely yours and whose world is completely yours as well. I love fandom ocs but I recommend this to a lot of people with fandom ocs pretty often, because once the characters start to turn into something more significant for them, being shackled to the original property can stop being fun and just start to get annoying (some of my most significant original characters actually started as ocs for the dead MMO Fer.al! Once Fer.al shut down tho it encouraged me to break them away a bit more from just being "Fer.al fan ocs". There's still lots of inspiration from that game in them and their story and their world, but I get to explore original stuff too which is fun)

[codehunter]

Why is TensorFlow 2 much slower than TensorFlow 1?

It's been cited by many users as the reason for switching to Pytorch, but I've yet to find a justification/explanation for sacrificing the most important practical quality, speed, for eager execution.

Below is code benchmarking performance, TF1 vs. TF2 - with TF1 running anywhere from 47% to 276% faster.

My question is: what is it, at the graph or hardware level, that yields such a significant slowdown?

Looking for a detailed answer - am already familiar with broad concepts. Relevant Git

Specs: CUDA 10.0.130, cuDNN 7.4.2, Python 3.7.4, Windows 10, GTX 1070

Benchmark results:

UPDATE: Disabling Eager Execution per below code does not help. The behavior, however, is inconsistent: sometimes running in graph mode helps considerably, other times it runs slower relative to Eager.

Benchmark code:

# use tensorflow.keras... to benchmark tf.keras; used GPU for all above benchmarksfrom keras.layers import Input, Dense, LSTM, Bidirectional, Conv1Dfrom keras.layers import Flatten, Dropoutfrom keras.models import Modelfrom keras.optimizers import Adamimport keras.backend as Kimport numpy as npfrom time import timebatch_shape = (32, 400, 16)X, y = make_data(batch_shape)model_small = make_small_model(batch_shape)model_small.train_on_batch(X, y) # skip first iteration which builds graphtimeit(model_small.train_on_batch, 200, X, y)K.clear_session() # in my testing, kernel was restarted insteadmodel_medium = make_medium_model(batch_shape)model_medium.train_on_batch(X, y) # skip first iteration which builds graphtimeit(model_medium.train_on_batch, 10, X, y)

Functions used:

def timeit(func, iterations, *args): t0 = time() for _ in range(iterations): func(*args) print("Time/iter: %.4f sec" % ((time() - t0) / iterations))def make_small_model(batch_shape): ipt = Input(batch_shape=batch_shape) x = Conv1D(128, 400, strides=4, padding='same')(ipt) x = Flatten()(x) x = Dropout(0.5)(x) x = Dense(64, activation='relu')(x) out = Dense(1, activation='sigmoid')(x) model = Model(ipt, out) model.compile(Adam(lr=1e-4), 'binary_crossentropy') return modeldef make_medium_model(batch_shape): ipt = Input(batch_shape=batch_shape) x = Bidirectional(LSTM(512, activation='relu', return_sequences=True))(ipt) x = LSTM(512, activation='relu', return_sequences=True)(x) x = Conv1D(128, 400, strides=4, padding='same')(x) x = Flatten()(x) x = Dense(256, activation='relu')(x) x = Dropout(0.5)(x) x = Dense(128, activation='relu')(x) x = Dense(64, activation='relu')(x) out = Dense(1, activation='sigmoid')(x) model = Model(ipt, out) model.compile(Adam(lr=1e-4), 'binary_crossentropy') return model def make_data(batch_shape): return np.random.randn(*batch_shape), np.random.randint(0, 2, (batch_shape[0], 1))

https://codehunter.cc/a/python/why-is-tensorflow-2-much-slower-than-tensorflow-1

[meettheprivate]

Bedtime Cuddles with their SO [TF2 x SO]

How the Mercs prefer to cuddle (specifically before bed) with their partner. <3

Scout: He is a big fan of spooning, specifically when he is the little spoon. He doesn't care if you're smol, tol, thicc, teeny, he wants to be held by you. Of course, if you prefer being the little spoon, he is more than willing to take turns and wrap his self proclaimed "manly" arms around you. However his legs tend to go everywhere at night.

Soldier: He's a fan of the heart-formation hug. The kind where you look at each other and lay on the opposite side to face each other. You soon find out he loves it because then he can more easily give you words of affirmation before falling asleep, and because then the raccoons can lay in the space between you two.

Pyro: They don't like sleeping with you facing them, simply because they don't want you to see their face or body without their protective gear. To help their insecurities, you are on permanent little-spoon patrol. The perk of this however, is they whisper lots of sweet words of affirmation in your ear as they snuggle against your form. Plus, this is the number one best way to receive Py kisses on the neck.

Demoman: Spicing things up on the nightly is his preference. Some nights you'll be spooning with him as the big spoon, other nights you're the big spoon, some nights you're cuddling with his head on your chest or your head on his chest, and of course some nights you're in the heart shape. He never wants things to feel stale. Of course if he's had one too many drinks, he'll be the little spoon every single time so he has ease of access to the washroom.

Heavy: Big bear man gives big bear hugs. He not only wants you to rest your head on his chest, oh no, he wants your entire itty-bitty form on his chest, stomach, etc. He'll wrap his arms around you so tight you'll feel like you're strapped in for the night, but that's just the way he and you like it. Sometimes he'll ask to rest his head and arm on your chest, but he'll always make sure to be delicate as possible.

Engineer: Similar to Demo, he likes to mix things up from time to time. However, he exclusively prefers taking the dominant position; your head on his chest, being the big spoon with his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, or heart shaped with his arm protectively over your waist or shoulder. He just likes to make you feel safe, and feel taller, ya'know?

Medic: Bedtime cuddling? That's funny. That suggests the man sleeps! Just kidding, he relishes in cuddling you - it's one of the highlights of bedtime. He'll likely crawl into bed after you've started drifting off, but that won't stop him from spooning you and nuzzling his neck in your shoulder, fluttering your neck, back, and shoulder with many kisses. After his ritual he'll be ready to sleep with your back safely against his chest.

Sniper: Ever since the incident* he refuses to commit to the spooning position unless it's after lovemaking and you both will likely stay awake. He also prefers to be able to make eye contact with you, so he prefers that sweet heart shape. He won't speak, his eyes and smile will do the talking for him. He'll give you light touches on your cheek, your hips, your chest, etc., just to remind you just how much you mean to him before falling asleep.

* - Snipe's long-ass legs got tangled around your waist to the point where he basically pretzeled you in. It took help from Heavy and Medic to pry his legs off of you. Worse yet, you both were naked at the time.

Spy: While he does enjoy a good cuddle session before bed, he has a nightly ritual that requires him to have quite a few products on his face - or so he says - so he doesn't want you looking at him. Just like Pyro, he'll make you the little spoon always just so you don't have to see all the towels wrapped around his head. In reality, he's just not ready for you to see him mask less just yet. Don't worry, when he's ready, he'll make up for only letting you be a little spoon every, single, night.

[auron570]

Breaking down Overwatch Heroes: A Team Fortress 2 Player’s initial transition analysis

 Chart/Outline:

TF2 Class - OW Hero counterpart

Scout - Tracer, Genji, Reaper

Spy - Sombra, Mcree

Sniper - Hanzo, Widow, Ana, Ashe

Soldier - Phara

Heavy - Bastion, Rhog, Ball

Demo - Junkr, Doom

Engi - Torb, Syme

Medic - Mercy, Bapt, Luci, Zenya

Pyro - Mei, Dva

 Uncategorized: Orisa, Reinh, Winston, Zarya, Soldier7, Brig, Moira

 Initial observations:

It seems like OW characters have more health, and do more damage overall than characters in TF2. So my way of thinking about a lot of OW heroes is “x TF2 character but more powerful”. The increased power makes sense since OW is a 6v6 game, while TF2 is 12v12. Because of the lower player numbers, having higher health and higher damage puts more weight on individual contributions to the team.

Similar to TF2 rounds can be short or inconsistent, with no continuity between rounds. But such is the nature of playing in public servers and without friends.

It looks like headshots do increased damage, but do not guarantee a kill unless by Widowmaker’s Rifle. I suppose this is a good thing because it allows for a higher skill ceiling, while also allowing newer players to focus on skill usage/movement and still be highly effective. In my opinion since TF2 only allowed a handful of weapons to benefit from headshots, TF2 devolved at some point into explosive and uber spam.

In OW so far I don’t see that happening since only a few heroes have explosives, and hopefully the option of squeaking out extra damage with headshots will separate spammers from the rest of the pack.

 Scout - Tracer, Genji, Reaper

All these characters move around quickly, have relatively low health and can do significant damage in close range if the player can aim well while compensating for the increased movement speed and directional changes at close range.

Tracer has a triple dash and rewind as opposed to the Scout’s double jump. Genji has the double jump; and Reaper has a teleport, and short phase dash that mimics the Scout’s Bonk Drink.

 Spy - Sombra, Mcree

Sombra can turn invisible just like the Spy. Similar to Spy’s sapper, which disabled Engi buildings in TF2, in Overwatch Sombra can ‘hack’ other players and disable their abilities for a time. Mcree is like Spy because his weapon acts like an upgraded Spy’s Revolver. Holding 6 shots, with a more powerful burst secondary attack that improves Spy’s capabilities at close range, while remaining a threat at long range for Spy’s who prefer to be uncloaked most of the time and use their gun.

 Sniper - Hanzo, Widow, Ana, Ashe

Hanzo is basically a more powerful Huntsman Sniper. Widowmaker is a more traditional TF2 Sniper, except her gun combines the Rifle and SMG into one, by having it fire like an SMG unzoomed, and like a bolt-action while zoomed.

Ana is kind of like a Sydney Sleeper - Jarate Sniper. She can use her rifle and abilities to help her team, or hinder the opposing team at long or medium range.

Ashe I would say is somewhere in between a Scout and Sniper. Her weapon has a zoom that slows her movement and makes her more accurate. But she can do significant damage unzoomed, similar to Scout if she can place her shots well.

 Soldier - Phara

Not much to say here, they both shoot rockets. In lieu of rocket-jumping, Phara has a very easily controlled jet pack.

 Heavy - Bastion, Rhog, Ball

Bastion is Heavy with the gold minigun that makes him move super slow, but has increased damage. He’s kind of like a level 3 sentry gun that can re-position himself. Roadhog is if Heavy Shotgun was powerful. His gun does nice damage at mid and close range, with an ability than can capitalize on that if used safely and effectively.

Wrecking Ball is Heavy with the Gloves of Running Urgently. He moves relatively slowly in gunning mode, but can whiz around in ball mode.

 Demo - Junkrat, Doomfist

Junkrat, he has the grenade launcher, and a remote explosive similar to the Demo’s sticky grenades. Doomfist is like a Demo with the ChargingTarge, Grenade Launcher. His gun works almost like a rapid fire shotgun effective at mid/close range, while his charge punch is highly reminiscent of an offensively shielded Demoman.

 Engineer - Torb, Syme

Torb has the sentry he can repair, and a sort of shotgun and heat mode that can give him utility/survivability without hiding behind his sentry. Symmetra on the other hand has 3 mini-sentries and teleporter. I haven’t figured out how to use the teleporter yet, since its different than TF2, and I don’t see them being that effective since the maps seem relatively smaller compared to TF2.

 Medic - Mercy, Bapt, Luci, Zenya

Mercy with the heal beam. I forget which of these characters ultimates makes them and allies invulnerable. Mercy’s heal gun is like the Vaccinator, since it has a heal mode, and an offensive support mode.

Baptiste, explosive mid-range healing, with a gun that can benefit from headshots, and abilities to make him more offensive oriented. Lucio the aura-healer. He can move around really quickly, and his abilities do provide some good burst support.

Zenya is like Mercy, but you don’t have to follow your teammates around as closely, since the heal attaches to the character, while you are free to mark enemies and support with decently damaging orbs.

 Pyro - Mei, Dva

Mei with the ice. I have heard that Mei is a divisive hero in the community. I can see her being effective, but I don’t see her being concerning. She needs to be in close range, and sustain fire on you to immobilize you. Her ice wall acts like a shield with the benefit of line of sight and path manipulation. And she can be a threat at long range with well place ice shots.

Perhaps I’m thinking of Dva incorrectly, but it feels like her minigun is less accurate and does less damage than Bastion and Ball. This makes it so she is really only lethal at closer ranges. The upside is she has a jetpack for increased vertical mobility that neither Bastion/Ball have. Also she needs to be careful using her self-destruct and if her suit is about to explode, similar how Pyros need to assess the situation before determining how to best approach and engage to be most effective.

 Uncategorized: Orisa, Reinh, Winston, Zarya, Soldier7, Brig, Moira

Orisa has a shield and a sort of assault rifle/mini gun. Reinhard has a lot of health a slow moving shield like Heavys and a charge/melee combination like Charge Demomen. What immediately comes to mind with Winston is that his ultimate literally makes him go ape shit. He has a pounce and I forget what his gun does.

Zarya, like a defensive Pyro since she has a personal and single-target shield, with a sort of beam gun? Soldier7 is the Call of Duty/Battlefield soldier. Briggite another hero I vaguely remember. She is like a defensive melee option? Moira’s life drain ability seems interesting, but not very powerful.

[returnerofthesky]

honestly the sheer backlash about EA is... actually fairly normal for EA, but it highlights just how much the tide has kinda turned against so many aspects of western development this year

like, it’s not just the lootbox stuff, though that’s a significant portion of it, but it’s the sheer amount of samey games, the way most of these games are pumped out, the various companies (even big-ish ones like Volition) that have desperately been trying to jump on the various trends and ended up falling flat on their faces, so on and so forth

and it’s not like popular opinion has completely turned, people were very sympathetic to Volition despite the fact that popular opinion is that Agents of Mayhem was pretty bad; it’s both the fact that normal not-very-gamey people are realizing most games-service things (microtransactions, lootboxes, artificial gameplay extensions) aren’t good, the fact that the whole trend of “produce a game with a huge team in a couple years even though it’s not sustainable” is finally kind of blowing up in everyone’s faces, so on and so forth

i think a big part of it is the fact that so many ridiculously good games came out of Japan this year; obviously Nintendo hit it out of the park with the Switch and Mario, Zelda and so on, but there was also Nioh, Nier, Persona, Yakuza, so on and so forth, and none of them had any of the things that’ve become so deeply stuck in western games now

meanwhile, we had the Crash remake, Sonic Mania (sort of western?), and... that’s legit all I can really think of for truly great western games this year - sure, there was Horizon Zero Dawn and probably others that people might bring up, but the fact that most of these games had their moments and were then generally forgotten (unlike the games I listed above, most of which I haven’t even played but can remember as “yeah, this was a really good 2017 game��) is the big killer point here

not to mention the fact that normal people are gravitating more towards the Switch because of its functionality and price point, while the PS4 has a lot of good games and exclusives for other audiences to gravitate to, while the Xbox has slowly lost its audience and alienated both devs and consumers (to the point where just before the X launches they talk about possibly bringing Xbox titles to PC as an Xbox brand thing,.despite launching “the most powerful console ever”

(and the fact that the reaction to Sony’s 2018 conference of “third person over-the-shoulder slow-paced action games that all look and seem to play almost exactly the same gameplay-wise, despite all arguably being different visual/story genres” (God of War, Last of Us, that zombie game, David Cage Boogaloo, etc) is one of general negative or lukewarm reaction is another good point too)

it just makes me reflect a lot on how much the landscape of games has changed compared to a decade ago... like, COD Modern Warfare 1 released ten years ago this month, TF2 is ten years old, the Wii is 11 years old, and a lot of the big things that put the western development side of things more in the spotlight have either petered out, ended their trilogies/runs, or have been so run into the ground that publishers are attempting samey-looking reboots or just making... mediocre games (while Japan has slowly been putting out more and more hits)

I have to wonder where things will go from here, but on some level I have a gut feeling of optimism

[lamiiku]

i hereby sentence you to answer ALL 100 QUESTIONS

Since @barblebapkins​ @festive-spiderbot​ @thanat0ast​ and @maybewaffle​ all asked me a bunch of questions I’ll go ahead and do all of them, ya HOOLIGANS.

1. What is you middle//full name?

No

2. How old are you?

Old enough to recognize my repeated failures as a reflection of significant character flaws

3. What is your birthday?

[redacted]

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Taurus

5. What is your favorite color?

Blue

6. What’s your lucky number?

6, because that’s how many Bionicles came in a series

7. Do you have any pets?

No

8. Where are you from?

The barren northern wastes

9. How tall are you?

Tol

10. What shoe size are you?

I wear shoes, yes

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

2

12. What was your last dream about?

I forgot. I usually forget my dreams. They tend to be fragmented and disconcerting.

13. What talents do you have?

uhhhhhh

I’m really good with stand-up comedy

Archery

i give decent back massages

Playing Medic in TF2. I might be a salty old fart in this game but I’m still one of the best and I WILL play Medic as a method of delivering vengeance on the opposing team 🖕

Talking about politics

writing

14. Are you psychic in any way?

You’d already know if I was

15. Favorite song?

That’s a tough one. 1. “Blood Red Skies” by Judas Priest, “Complete Domination” Pertubator ft. Carpenter Brut, and “Prince of Darkness” by Megadeth. It changes from time to time, but those tend to stay far up on the list.

16. Favorite movie?

Probably the 2005 Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It informed a lot of my style of humor. Anything by Monty Python, Star Wars, and the X-Men movies are pretty far up there too.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

?????? what is love

18. Do you want children?

????!??!??!?! WHAT IS A CHILD

19. Do you want a church wedding?

honestly i don’t expect to ever get married, i doubt i’ll even be in a serious relationship

20. Are you religious?

Not particularly. Certainly not in an organized fashion.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

A handful of times, but nothing massively serious since I was very young.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

haven’t been caught yet

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

A few folks of note, but no mega-celebs or whatever

24. Baths or showers?

showers

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I wore a grey sock and one with like 5 different colors today

26. Have you ever been famous?

not for very long

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Not sure, I’m not sure what I’d like to be famous FOR

28. What type of music do you like?

Metal of almost any sort is my base, but I’m open to many different genres like synthwave and electronic shit. The only genres I refuse to listen to for the most part are pop and country. Pop country will incite an unholy fury.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

no

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

side

32. How big is your house?

Error

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Food. Cereal a lot of the time.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Once. That woodchuck won’t be eating my garden again.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwyeah. Love that shit.

36. Favorite clean word?

fucked if i know

37. Favorite swear word?

“We should give Trump a chance to try and be President”

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Probably about 30 hours. I generally start to lose it around 19-20.

39. Do you have any scars?

Nothing major.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not quite, but certainly had a few people I couldn’t shake for a while. Not stalker-ish per se but… long story.

41. Are you a good liar?

If I’m trying to lie, I suck at it.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Extremely. Sadly I’m also very good at pushing people away once I’m convinced they’re not worth my time.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Oui

44. Do you have a strong accent?

Accents are relative. …but yeah, some days it’s more prominent than others.

45. What is your favorite accent?

I couldn’t possibly pick one. I love hearing so many people speak. French of almost any kind is right up there.

46. What is your personality type?

INTP, textbook Taurus, Aspie, intensely political, opinionated as hell, literal, cuddly, and absolutely fucking stubborn about everything.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I don’t really own expensive clothing.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

sluuuuuuuurp

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

404

50. Left or right handed?

right-handed

Intermission: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mpkDz1nx70

51. Are you scared of spiders?

They spook me, but I don’t have too much trouble with ‘em.

52. Favorite food?

beaucoup du fromage

53. Favorite foreign food?

Thai Chicken Curry with some sorta sticky rice. That shit is really good.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

 Messy as fuck. Some things are organized, most are not.

55. Most used phrased?

“At the end of the day”

56. Most used word?

no idea honestly

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

I can be up pretty quick

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Depends on the context. Zero self esteem in some times, but if it’s something i’m vehement about my ego would be the size of a class 4 moon

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

If it’s not chocolate it’s probably not worth my time

suck

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Constantly.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Occasionally.

62. Are you a good singer?

You bet your butt

63. Biggest Fear?

mortality

64. Are you a gossip?

>;3c

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

uhhhhhhh

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Honestly, for some reason I think medium-short hair is really appealing. Can’t explain why. Long hair seems like a hassle.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

aye

68. Favorite school subject?

Politics

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Loud Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

no

71. What makes you nervous?

people

72. Are you scared of the dark?

nothing can come from the dark that is scarier than what i see inside myself

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on if I think it’s worth correcting them, I will enjoy correcting them, if the subject is important, whether it will weigh on me that I did not correct them, and if I want to somehow degrade or humiliate them by correcting them

74. Are you ticklish?

don’t tickle me unless you wanna pull back a stump

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i don’t think so no

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

/smite @all

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Booze is nasty

78. Have you ever done drugs?

does ibuprofen count

79. Who was your first real crush?

I’ve had so many it’s hard to say. Probably one of the girls in my class in 1st or 2nd grade.

80. How many piercings do you have?

[unintelligible]

81. Can you roll your Rs?

seY

82. How fast can you type?

decently fast

83. How fast can you run?

I don’t run

84. What color is your hair?

[static]

85. What color is your eyes?

unpainted titanium apertures

86. What are you allergic to?

oxygen

87. Do you keep a journal?

no

88. What do your parents do?

89. Do you like your age?

maybe if i got laid i’d enjoy it more

90. What makes you angry?

This should be a whole separate ask

91. Do you like your own name?

meh

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

wha tthe fuck

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

idgaf

94. What are you strengths?

what the fukc

95. What are your weaknesses?

this is getting suspicious

96. How did you get your name?

slips of paper and a dartboard

not really

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

a few

98. Color of your room?

white, mostly

99. Color of your bedspread?

vanilla

100. Make up your own question

Am I tired?

Yes.

[zehypocriticaloath]

What kind of ravens are Aldy's? DOES HE HAVE AN AUUUGHH BIRD?

[I would LOVE it if he had an AUUUGHHGHHG raven. Gotta love those Australian corvids! 

He picked up Poe when he was at his second base (after his pet crow, Ritter, was ruthlessly murdered at the first base). The others (Lenore, Annabel, and Roderick) came when he arrived at Coldfront. Poe would be a western raven, since his first base was located in America, aka his base of TeuFort. But Coldfront… the official TF2 Wiki lists it as having an alpine environment which is significant, and would clearly impact the type of ravens Aldous has befriended (both his more domesticated unkindness and the random corvids he’s befriended from the wild, the ones he feeds each day).

The Alpine environment is not found in the united states. It’s found over in Europe [x]. As such, his three other ravens did not come from his stint over on his American base. Annabel, Roderick and Lenore are, more than likely, European Ravens! 

So there you go! Those are the types of ravens that make up his unkindness!]

[meettheprivate]

How They Handle "That time of the month" [TF2 x S/O]

What if the merc has a S/O who has periods?

**This is written with the context that all the mercenaries are cisgendered males (except Pyro who is always a they/them in my writing). Reader is still gender neutral. <3**

Scout: Poor boy has 8 brothers, not a uterus in sight (most likely). He is terrified when he finds you crouched in pain for the first time. He thinks you're dying until you explain the situation - to which he still thinks you're dying. After a good talk between you, Scout, and Medic, he calms tf down and does his best to take care of you. Expect a butt-ton of chocolate (or whatever you crave) and he will not hesitate to literally run to a corner store if you are out of pads/tampons/cups.

Soldier: Absolutely no clue how to handle you. When he sees you in pain, he tells you to be strong, but when you explain why you're in pain he just stares at you like a deer in the headlights. He will do his best to be supportive, but he never fully understands the situation. If you blatantly tell him "my body wants me pregnant" he will misinterpret this and strip right in front of you. Don't worry, he will put his pants back on when you explain that is not what you meant. He'll be more confused by the end of this, but he'll eventually catch on - hopefully.

Pyro: Sweetbean will have a freak out when they see you're in pain, but they know just what to do before even being told! They will get you a ton of sweets from their "not-so-secret" stash and cuddle you to keep your body relaxed. Lots of soft and warm things will be given to you and they will make a bed purely made out of pillows and plush for you to sleep on. Once a month you will have an extra-on-guard support Pyro!

Demoman: He's got a blind mother, he knows what he must do the moment he sees you in that specific kinda pain. He'll make sure you're stocked up on your craving foods, pads/tampons/cups, and that first day he sees you in pain he will prepare a bath for you chalk full of bath bombs (lol). He may drink just a wee bit more though during that time, especially if your period is the kind that causes mood swings (like mine).

Heavy: Three sisters and a mum, 'nough said. He knows what to do with you and takes good care of you. You're not allowed to use your legs/wheel chair until your period is over, he will carry you everywhere. He will also cook meals he knows his sisters appreciated during their time, lots of Russian soups and sweets.

Engineer: He's not inexperienced with periods, and he knows that each person deals with it differently. When your first one with him starts, he will take ample mental notes to know what to do for next time. Lots of verbal and physical comfort, he'll takes a page out of Pyro's book and prepares a comfy bed with lots of pillows and a teddy roosebelt (ofc). He is absolutely the kind of man who writes on the calendar to make sure he knows when you're due so he can be prepared with your craving foods and sundries.

Medic: Also not inexperienced with periods. Though he finds them to be so fascinating. A little too fascinating. He will observe your various behaviours and physical responses - but eventually he'll realize that it would be nice to comfort you. He already has ample stock of sundries for you, and insists that chocolate won't help so he won't buy any - except maybe a bit of swiss chocolate. He will know when you're on your period before you do - even your first one with him.

Sniper: mundee.exe has stopped working. Poor boy has no clue what to do, arguably harder to teach than Scout. When it finally sinks in, he at first is a little distant, worried about making a mistake and hindering you rather than helping you. Eventually he'll figure it out and will do a 360 and be protective of you; making sure you're always as comfortable as you can be.

Spy: Absolutely knows exactly what to do. He's got everything set for you from sundries, to chocolates, to candles of your favourite fragrance. He will make sure to prepare a bath on the first day every time and won't be afraid to offer you a massage - in fact he'll do it frequently. He just wants to make sure his petit(e) is taken care of.

[meettheprivate]

Watching their fav Pixar Movie [TF2 x S/O]

In an AU in which Pixar either existed in 1968 or their S/O is a time traveler I dunno just go with it. <3 Movie in question is in red text.

Scout: His favourite was always Cars, but only the first one. He pretends that 2 and 3 don't exist. When he was little he had a bunch of Car toys and shout "kachoo" at his brothers (before getting punched to shit by them). While watching, he'd hold you close and quote half of the movie. In the scene where Sally reveals her "tramp stamp" of a bumper sticker, Scout suggests you get a "Sex Bomb" tramp stamp.

Soldier: There was something so undeniably cool about The Incredibles to Soldier, the way they all had super powers, how they struggled to fit in as normal people amongst a crowd - he could relate to that. When watching with you, he'd jokingly call you his Mrs./Mr. Incredible and would shake you when he got excited over specific scenes. Also he fucking hates Syndrome.

Pyro: This'll come as a shock to no one, but Pyro's childlike wonder is so magical that it leads them to favour Onward above all else. They love how cute the pet dragon is, and will constantly cling to your arm everytime it's on screen. You're pretty sure he sees the Manticore as an adorable baby who breaths fire, the way he excitedly claps when he sees her.

Demoman: You think he wears the sombrero without reason? Demo actually adores Mexican culture, and by extension he adores Coco above the rest. He will cry everytime "Remember Me" is sung, so hug your Cyclops close. He won't stop singing it to you for weeks after watching it, but you know it's worth it.

Heavy: He wouldn't have nothing if he didn't have you. That's right, Monsters, Inc. is Heavy's favourite. He loves the beautiful relationship between giant-man Sulley, and adorable little Boo. He'll call you Boo jokingly, and even though it's not romantic in the movie, it gets to be romantic for you two.

Engineer: What's better than toy cowboys?! Talking robots in love. Engie's gotta soft spot for Wall-e because of the incredibly charming atmosphere it brings, and the relationship between Wall-e and Eve makes him all mushy. He will hold you tightly the moment she comes on screen and he won't let go until an hour after the movie. Bless.

Medic: Most of the movies do not interest him, but something about Inside Out stuck out to Medic. He thought it was so fascinating how they personified emotions. He'll even guess what's going on inside your head if you had five main characters. He proclaims he'd have two angers, two joys, and one sadness. You can't argue the man wouldn't have a disgust in there.

Sniper: He won't admit it to anyone other than you, but he adores the entirety of the Toy Story franchise. He feels like he can relate to Woody, as he feels like he doesn't fully belong - especially with Woody in TS4. He will call you his Bo (regardless of your gender) and he will note that his feelings for you are "to infinity and beyond" then he'd hide his face as he feels so so embarrassed by just saying that oh lord.

Spy: Of all the Pixar movies, he finds the classier ones to be best. Ratatouille and Soul both qualify, but he has a soft spot for Soul. He says he can put himself in Joe's shoes so easily and that finding one's purpose in life is so...Hard. When the Jazz music fills the room, he will ask you for a quick dance, how can you say no?

[meettheprivate]

Valentines Day [TF2 x SO] 1/3

We’re under the assumption that the mercs and their S/O actually celebrate Valentines Day and that this is their first VD together. We’ll start with the gifts they would likely get you:

Scout: A bucket of chicken. He takes Spy’s advice and gets you a lovely bouquet of red or white (if BLU) roses and a box of your favourite chocolates. However if your favourite is milk there’s a slight chance two are missing - for poison inspection, of course.

Soldier: He’s not terribly creative, so he goes with something he thinks he’d like and assumes you’d like it too: a 72 inch American flag. But wait, there’s more! He admits that he wasn’t sure what else to get you, so he asks if you have anything in mind - he hopes you’ll say a necklace made out of ear lobes.

Pyro: They know the perfect thing to get you; a Valentine’s Day themed ballonicorn! Oh yes, they make such a thing. It’s so cute too, it’s pink, red and white, with a cute purple horn. It even has a cutie mark made of multiple little hearts. Of course, Pyro got two, so you two could have twinsies.

Demoman: No one would’ve guessed it, but this man is very observant when he’s sober. He had been taking mental notes of things you had been mentioning all year, and he knew exactly what he was going to get you. If you mentioned jewelry for even a second, that was what he was going to get you. If you brought up a special food or beverage? It was on the table for you on the 14th. Whatever you had brought up, he likely got it for you.

Heavy: Gift giving is still a very sacred concept for Heavy, so he wanted to get something with great significance. He decided to gift you a book that he was incredibly fond of, and while it was in Russian, if you don’t speak the language he will happily read it to you. If you do speak Russian, he’ll want to read it together with you. The best gifts are the ones you share.

Engineer: Despite being anxious about making sure to get you the perfect gift, he’s already come up with a long list of ideas. He wants to make you something, as he believes the best gifts are the ones that are homemade. He crafts you two things; a special Teddy Roosebelt that has a voice box in it that when you press the paw it’ll say “I love ya darlin’” that he recorded, and the other gift is a pendent that’s shaped like his wrench symbol.

Medic: You may find it hard to believe, but Medic is surprisingly quite romantic. He knew exactly what to get you. He took the phrase “giving you my heart” a little too literally and gave you a genetically sound replica of his own heart. How he made it you had no clue, but it was pulsating, it was plump, and he was so proud when you held it in your hands. Oh, he also gets you some German chocolate too, but that was a back-up incase the heart stopped before he could give it to you.

Sniper: This was a hard one for him. He cares an awful lot about you, but he’s not one for exchanging gifts. He gives you something he truly hopes you’ll appreciate and love more than anything else - himself. He slaps a bow on his hat, and gets the guys to help tie him up in a nice ribbon. He leaves a note for you telling you to “Meet me in my van at 7pm.” When you arrive, he’s laying on the bed, wrapped up in ribbon, still fully clothed and says “Ready to unwrap yer present, love?”

Spy: This man goes all out for you. He buys you a beautiful bouquet of your favourite flowers (or roses if you’re not a huge fan of flowers), he handcrafts chocolate for you in your favourite flavour, he showers you with gifts that one may argue are more for him than for you ( ;) ) and he gives you a locket that is engraved with the phrase “Mon Amour.”