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burrcapts · 5 months ago

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Puffing Past Your Prime

Oh man, Zach just loved whenever this happened! Ever since their social media app took off and reached top 5 most downloaded in the whole country people started inviting him to spots like this all the time. Was this one some posh restaurant? Cafe? Gentleman's club? Honestly, he had no idea, he simply received an email the other day from one of their investors that the people here asked about him and would like him to become a regular member.

Naturally Zach had zero real interest in bougie crap like that, but usually he actually found it kind of funny to see the reactions of all those stuck up old men in suits whenever they saw him strutting into their elite clubs wearing nothing other than a t-shirt and a pair of old jeans with holes in them. More than once some of those pricks even tried to have him kicked out. But the staff at establishments like this seemed to be quite good at keeping tabs on the guests’ net worth so often they ended up sucking up to him rather than the old farts.

The waiters here were giving off a somewhat different vibe though… If Zach hadn't noticed that those few men who were always on the move, carrying trays around were wearing bow ties rather than neckties, he definitely wouldn't have been able to tell them apart from the regular guests! Places like this often looked kind of samey with everyone being old and wearing boring suits, but this was like a whole next level!

Zach had only just realized, but holy crap, there hasn't been a single person in the entire room who didn't have a ridiculously huge beard! He hadn't shaved since last week so technically maybe he was included in this, but his definitely wasn't as grey or white as theirs! The shades of their beards, the levels of baldness and the colors of their suits was pretty much the only thing that differentiated each one of them!

But one other interesting thing was that they were all smoking pipes! Even the waiters were having a puff while moving around and chatting with the guests. Did Mike forget to mention that this was some super exclusive spot for pipe smokers? Whatever… honestly, the thing that Zach found the most annoying was how nobody seemed to be paying much attention to him here. He purposely tried to be as loud and obnoxious as possible, unmuting his phone and playing that dumb farming video game that was right ahead of them in most app stores. Yet even then, the best reaction he got was some of them briefly looking at him with amused faces for a moment before returning to their previous activities and conversations.

“Good day, I sincerely apologize for the delay in attending to you Mr Bennett. My name is Theodore and I am the director of hospitality at our establishment. We are so delighted that you could pay us a visit today. I assure you that our staff will do everything in our power to make your induction to the club a truly exceptional experience!”

Just when Zach was starting to consider bailing out of here those two guys appeared right in front of him seemingly out of nowhere! The one speaking in an eloquent and surprisingly resonant voice was ridiculously huge, tall as hell, with a colossal belly like pretty much all of them. While somewhat shorter yet definitely still quite decently overweight one, standing a few steps behind him must have been a subordinate of his.

Zach began to explain that this was a misunderstanding because he had no interest whatsoever in joining their club or anything, but despite the very hospitable and eloquent welcome neither of them seemed to be paying much attention to whatever he said as they talked between each other.

“Shall I fetch one of the pipes, Sir?”

“Oh, naturally Sebastian, forthwith!”

“What kind, Sir?”

“Mmm… I surmise that one of the sluttier variety might be the most suitable for Mr Bennett, then he will naturally feel inclined to introduce numerous new, virile members to our association so they could fuck his slutty hole on the regular. Oh… one moment… yes, while I would certainly prefer him on the heavyset side so that ass of his grows truly colossal, why don't we also make him into a bit of a cum guzzling cock whore while we’re at it? Let's ensure that he always has either the stem of a pipe or a huge, turgid fuckstick between his lips! Do you think you can find a suitable one Sebastian?”

“Certainly Sir, I will return with one promptly!”

Hearing this guy say all those perverted, ridiculous things in the exact, same cultivated and graceful Männer as if he was some kind of a sommelier talking about an expensive bottle of wine would have been quite hilarious if his body language didn't make it immediately obvious that he wasn't planning on letting Zach leave until the other waiter was back. It was only now that all those old farts who were sitting all around were finally turning their heads towards him, watching the scene with utmost fascination.

Zach shouted at them to get the security because this guy was totally crazy but nobody budged at all. Rather than being concerned they seemed to find him freaking out so much more endearing than anything. When it became clear that they were all in on it too, Zach pulled out his phone and warned that huge guy that if he didn't let him go, he would call the cops.

Only then, something that temporarily broke Zach's brain proceeded to take place. Theodore took a deep puff from his pipe and then exhaled a tiny cloud of smoke towards Zach's hand that was holding the phone. It was just small enough to completely obscure it and even though Zach knew it was merely just smoke he instinctively tried to clutch the phone tighter within his fingers, only to find them clenching into fist! What the hell?! He waved the smoke away but his hand was completely empty!!!

“What the fuck?! How did you do that?!”

“Please Mr Bennett, turning a cellphone into a puff of smoke is merely a small parlor trick. Very soon you will have a chance to witness a far more impressive metamorphosis… Oh, would you look at that, Sebastian is already approaching with your pipe right on time!”

At that moment Zach remembered thinking it was kind of strange how this guy phrased it as ‘his pipe’ but as he caught a glimpse of what the other waiter was carrying on a tray, he understood straight away. It stood there, right on top of a highly adorned, golden stand, his pipe! It was like love at first sight. He never even thought about smoking one before but now they were going to be, no, they already were, completely inseparable! Its stem was placed between his teeth first thing in the morning and only left its rightful spot when he was ready to fall asleep!

A jovial, cheerful laughter spread across the room at the immediate change in Zach's demeanor as though all those men were now recalling some very fond memory of their own. On some level he understood that what was going on right now was totally crazy, but as if under some kind of a magical spell, he couldn't help himself when Theodore offered the pipe to him.

Even thanking the man when he offered him a lit match so he could puff the pipe to life. Which Zach proceeded to do without a slightest hitch like a seasoned smoker. That also surprised him, but there wasn't much of a chance to ask himself why he knew how to do it so expertly because as soon as it was lit, he found himself greedily sucking on the stem and moaning in blissful pleasure.

Oh gosh, he knew that this was his first time ever, but he felt like a drug addict getting his fix. It was just delightful, such a rich flavor! Sebastian always picked out only the finest tobacco! Zach moaned again, he was in heaven, his head was swimming as he started feeling warm and so… profoundly turned on! If he hadn't been in public, he would have already been reaching for his cock, but then again, so many of the men sitting around them already had theirs out and were merrily stroking while laying back in their big, leather armchairs and puffing along.

Sebastian was pitching a huge tent in his slacks and even Theodore was fondling himself with a satisfied smile. Zach noticed that, the first thought that popped into his head was how much he hoped they would pull them out soon so he could suck them both dry the moment he was finished with this bowl. Mmm, he just loved sucking off the other sexy gents at the club, he was such a cum guzzling cock whore and absolutely proud of it!

Zach was just about to ask them to stop teasing him and whip them out next when he suddenly realized that he'd heard those words before. ‘Cum guzzling cock whore', that's what Theodore had said when he was instructing Sebastian what pipe he should fetch! Holy shit!

Now that the shivers started running down his spine at the terrifying, unbelievable implications of all of this and the abrupt shock partially outweighed the still persisting horniness flooding his head. Zach had the chance to take notice of just how uncomfortably tight his clothes were feeling right now. He'd managed to peel his eyes away from the bearded waiters’ sizable bulges, only to immediately regret it as he discovered a massive gut sticking out from underneath his shirt.

Not only was it extremely hirsute, but all of the body fur was completely white! It made him look like some ridiculously fat grandpa! His shirt was rolling up so much that it could be mistaken for the top half of a bikini, which seemed awfully suitable because Zach could see it stretching over a pair of absolutely enormous man boobs!

As his eyes grew wide in disbelief, he instinctively took a deep puff from the pipe to calm his nerves, only to find the belly instantaneously swelling even further in size. The shirt splitting at the front and letting his huge, chubby tits to flop down on it like on top of a wide, spacious shelf. God… he was so fucking hot! Those were the first words that appeared in Zach's head, and for the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to deny them.

Somehow in mere moments since putting this pipe in his mouth, an old, fat, bearded man became his absolute ideal of beauty. Zach saw how wonderfully chubby his fingers were now and after admiring the soft, white hairs growing on each knuckle, brought them closer to his mouth. Much to his delight he discovered it surrounded by copious amounts of silky, delicate facial fur. He took a deep inhale and then began gently blowing the smoke into his palm, as if trying to catch it and massage it into his beard. Loving the feeling of it growing longer and more luxuriant between his fingers. Oh god… what was happening to him?! Why couldn't he stop?!

“What the fuck have you done to me?!”

Zach cried out before inevitably returning to exploring his growing and expanding body practically right away. One hand caressing his belly while the other reached for his swollen cock, completely overcome by pleasure.

“Nothing that any of us hadn't experienced when we were first initiated into the club, Mr Bennett. It is quite an honor, while our plans are to ideally connect all men worldwide to their destined pipes one day, understandably we first needed to prioritize those with the means to help us achieve that goal…”

He instantly understood why those bastards had invited him here. It was about his social media site! They wanted to use it to spread this shit… and make more sexy, pipe smoking gents… Zach felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when he realized that he was already thinking of all the different features they could implement in the future to spark an interest in their pipes in every single man who had ever registered. And he knew that once they had their first puff, it would then remain as their habit forever.

No… he couldn’t… and yet he was tugging on his cock even faster now, taking deeper and deeper puffs of smoke, finding it so marvelous how those big, hazy plumes were slowly escaping from between his lips whenever he parted them. He was sure that his users were going to find it just as enchanting too once he tweaks the algorithm a little and makes sure that their feeds are filled with nothing but videos and pictures of sexy, bearded gents having a puff as they play with their meat.

The temptation to join them soon becoming truly irresistible, but for that they will of course need a pipe of their own. Zachary moaned in profound arousal, knowing full well that even if a few were to, by some miracle manage to keep themselves from outright ordering one free of charge from their special internet store, they still had collected enough metadata on all of them to ensure that one would be waiting at their doorstep the following day anyway.

Mmm… Zachary couldn’t take this… he began picturing all those mesmerizing, big bellied, bearded gentlemen with their pipes! First filling the feeds of his website, then the streets of the cities all around the globe… introducing everyone they knew into this lovely habit… the biggest cloud of smoke yet had erupted from his mouth as he moaned deeply, his stubby cock twitching and spraying his massive, hairy thighs with creamy, white seed. And he simply could not wait to suck them all off one by one!

***

Zachary was quite amused to find himself back right in his personal office. Of course nobody from among his colleagues had recognized him, but when he suddenly stepped out of the elevator wearing this expensive looking, extravagant suit and holding a heavy suitcase, they must have assumed he was an important investor and asked him to wait for someone right here since, as he very well knew, that one room was still by far the most presentable part of the entire workplace that hadn’t changed much from the days when they were only a small start up.

Naturally nobody could get ahold of ‘Zach’ as his cell phone had vanished and all calls were going straight to voicemail, so the honor of entertaining him fell on Aaron, their CTO. Zachary was actually quite impressed by just how quickly his friend had managed to catch on to everything after he began recounting the events of the previous day. But fortunately Zachary had a chance to personally assist Sebastian and Theodore with picking out just the perfect pipe for him. Even though Aaron knew just what was coming, he couldn't possibly resist his invitation to have a small puff together. Or for that matter to later allow Zachary to wrap his lips around his engorged, stubby cock as they pondered about this exciting new direction for their company, and even more importantly, the best way to introduce their colleagues to all those pipes waiting for them in his suitcase.

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