#texts — donovan mercer.
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kaylane: [ drops address ] kaylane: see you soon, ducky 😘
ducky: oh ducky: [...] ducky: okay yeah ducky: where do u live
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Last Time on Family Matters- Session 4
Nov 6th, 2016
The gang heads back to the hotel to find that Paul Allen has finally returned to consciousness, although he’s failed to clean either himself of the room up. Wolfgang and Soup entertain themselves with phone games while Cordell decides that he’s got a new goal in life, and Donovan isn’t a part of it. He drags him off into the bathroom, successfully embracing and then immediately diablerizing him. Cordell then calls room service to clean up the shit and ashes.
Miss Mercer calls Cordell on Akari’s burner, asking for an update on their meeting with Magdalene and to inform him of some more spirits around town, promising to send a list with some addresses. Cordell bluntly asks if Wolfgang is her childe, to which she replies that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. He then passes off the phone to Wolfgang, who is very excited to talk to her, and she begrudgingly tells him that he’s doing well and they can go for tea together when he’s back from Italy.
Back at Anthonio’s apartment, Akari volunteers to take on collecting a short list of unpaid protection fees. He gives her a list of three addresses, and stays at his place to rest some before before saying he has to go meet with Eleanora. Akari heads back to the hotel and the gang sleep away the sunlight.
Come nightfall, the gang leave to go make their collections.
They start at the Caffe Rosso, a small place run by a middle aged couple. They are easily intimidated, and willingly let the gang into the safe after a well placed right-hook. The gang take way more money than what was needed, and Cordell also swipes the laptop with the security camera feed.
Their next stop is Eredi de Jovon Bruno, a high class jewelers. This one has much more security, so Paul Allen melts through the doors locks with the acid blood he’d been collecting. It still sets off alarms, but it was a good idea. They eventually just fucking kill the guy who was working there, and steal a bunch of jewelry. Paul Allen also bit off his ear :/
Outside, Cordell has successfully moved the shortcut for the security camera application into the recycle bin. Great job, Cordell.
Their third and final stop is Atelier Pietro Longhi, a tailor and costumers. Upon arriving, the door is unlocked but there appears to be no one in the building. There is a ghost though, who attacks the group. Since there are no humans around for the ghost to possess like the one in the hotel, Akari decides to call up Anthonio, knowing that the Giovanni are necromancers and exorcists, but he doesn’t pick up.
Cordell decides that if there are no humans around, he’ll just go out and find one. He ends up in an apartment complex across the street, and kidnaps some 20 year old who was watching italian dubbed Rick and Morty on dvd.
The ghost didn’t want to possess Rick and Morty kid, though. The gang discovered an old wedding dress in a crate sealed under the floorboards, and determined it was the ghosts. Um, the Rick and Morty kid was forced to put on the dress to try and get the ghost to possess him and Cordell fucking shot him? I think? This was like a month ago give me a break. Anyways, Akari ended up putting the dress on herself, and the ghosty aura that Cordell could see really seemed to like that, so Akari put on one of the rings that she had stolen from the jewelers and got gay ghost married. The ghost then peacefully passed on, but Rick and Morty kid died Serves him right.
They got back to the hotel, and Akari texts Anthonio that they got his money, but he didn’t text back so she got bitchy and scrolled tinder some more. Salty ass bitch.
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1-100 for the unusual asks, you meme lord
Mmmmkay so I cant help being sassy but also wanna give a real answer so we gonna do this -> Anything in parenthesis is a real answer everything else is sass central station
1) Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Im a dank soundcloud rapper check out my soundcloud at nobodycares540.soundcloud.fuck (I dont really use any of em tbh)
2) is your room messy or clean? *glances over* clean (m e s s y)
3) what color are your eyes? All 16 of em are different colors actually (blue)
4) do you like your name? why? No because its not Jojo (Yes!!! Love the name Perrin gonna be honest)
5) what is your relationship status? *sets status to its complicated* you could say im a bit of a player (deathly single)
6) describe your personality in 3 words or less? Im sorry who? (Described meme lord)
7) what color hair do you have? Minecraft Steve Brown (Ver Ver Pink)
8) what kind of car do you drive? color? No I run like sonic next question (nope fuck driving fuck boulder)
9) where do you shop? Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (For what Next question)
10) how would you describe your style? Goku Black cosplay (Goku Black cosplay)
11) favorite social media account? The one with the Z U C C (Tumblr fuck snapchat)
12) what size bed do you have? Uuuummmmmmm my size OBVIOUSLY next questions (Dont know tbh queen maybe?)
13) any siblings? Little shit brother (thats not even a joke)
14) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Why this world fuck you what about mars (uuuuhhhhhh no idea gonna be honest)
15) favorite snapchat filter? Oh man! Love this one altho its not well known what ya gotta do is hit the delete button and when it asks if youre sure say yes :D (they change so often I dont pay attention)
16) favorite makeup brand(s)? Whatever it is Genji uses as eyeliner (dooont wear makeup)
17) how many times a week do you shower? I get clean by rolling around in the snow so maybe like 3 times a year (depends usually once a day with exceptions)
18) favorite tv show? I dont watch tv I AM the tv (The Office or if its Anime then Jojos Bizarre Adventure)
19) shoe size? M Y S I Z E (size 10)
20) how tall are you? hOWs ThE wEaTHEr dOwnTHeRe (5′9 - 5′11 somewhere in there)
21) sandals or sneakers? Gadget Shoes (legit those are cool but sneakers)
22) do you go to the gym? I think theeessseeee muscles speak for themselves (nope but I do martial arts)
23) describe your dream date Killing all mortals and achieving a state beyond that of a god (iiiii dont know I dont really see myself going on a date)
24) how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Why do YOU wanna know (no really why tho)
25) what color socks are you wearing? Well I’m at home on the sofa playing sonic the hedgehog and typing up responses to an ask on tumblr that about 5 people are gonna see. That being said, Dragon Ball orange. (not wearing em but I have a fuzzy pair of polar bear socks my friend Ana sent me that I love!)
26) how many pillows do you sleep with? Wait what do you mean not everyone sleeps with 25 pillows are they mad? (One for my head, one on each side, smol pillow, pillow pet)
27) do you have a job? what do you do? I am assistant regional manager at a paper supply company named Dunder Mifflin. (Not currently but I’m gonna apply to Gamestop and Costco here soon)
28) how many friends do you have? Toooooooooooooo many I hate mortals (honestly I’m too lazy to try and count rn)
29) whats the worst thing you have ever done? Well I haven’t seen Mulan don’t call the cops (Iiiiiiii’m not sure I guess cheated on my Chinese final freshman year but hey I needed to pass that)
30) whats your favorite candle scent? V o i d (I dont use candles that much and I shooouuulld)
31) 3 favorite boy names Jo[seph] Jo[estar], Jo[taro Ku]jo, Jo[nathan] Jo[estar] (uuuuhhhh I like my name so it would be Perrin, Joji, Donovan)
32) 3 favorite girl names Jolyne Kujo there is no 2 and 3 (Jolyne yes I know but I actually really like the name, Perrin is also a girls name so, Milly)
33) favorite actor? Shrek from Shrek the musical (Robert Downey Jr and Chris pratt)
34) favorite actress? Taylor after she sasses me and acts like nothing happened (Millie Bobby Brown)
35) who is your celebrity crush? McCree (Matt Mercer)
36) favorite movie? UM IS THIS A QUESTION LIKE??? OBVIOUSLY THE SHREK AND BEE MOVIE CROSS OVER SHREK B: HONEY AND SWAMPS (I LOVED Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok but Secret Life of Walter Mitty’s stuck with me for a loooong time)
37) do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I don’t read cuz I’m not a NERD (I mean actual books I don’t ask me about it another time but comics I sure do I love the Marvel Civil War storyline)
38) money or brains? They say Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy me more games! Eat that SUCKERS (Honestly brains because then you can be smart which can make you a lot of money. So many more benefits)
39) do you have a nickname? what is it? Perriushium, destroyer of life and bringer of the new age (Pey given to me by my brother when he was still a baby and couldn’t say my name)
40) how many times have you been to the hospital? Enough to be immune to every disease known to man NOW IM UNSTOPABLE MWAHAHA (none for any of my own conditions or injuries but for family stuff about twice)
41) top 10 favorite songs All Star, All Star, All Star, Chum Drum Bedrum, All Star, All Star, All Star, Never gonna give you up, All Star, All Star (Bloody Stream, Sono Chi no Sadame, Flying Battery Zone, Stardust Speedway, Stand Proud, Goku Black theme, Halo theme, The Apparition, Shovel Knight main theme, Hooked on a Feeling)
42) do you take any medications daily? I take a shot of cold hard whiskey when I get up (nope I dont have anything)
43) what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) The largest organ of my body I’ll tell ya that much (I honestly dont know?? Smooth and soft I guess?)
44) what is your biggest fear? The Communists lol jk Communism is the only way (I’m not so sure on this one gonna be honest I do fear something I just cant think of it at the moment)
45) how many kids do you want? I mean I’m a 16 year old teenager in high school with no job and no relationship that being said 5 (NONE EVER NOPE 0 KIDS)
46) whats your go to hair style? Super Saiyan 3 (Idk I just kinda comb it to the left)
47) what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) All Star. Wait fuck wrong quest- (Two floor medium sized house)
48) who is your role model? Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh (uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh)
49) what was the last compliment you received? A like on my post we did it guys we hit one like so I’m here making this 1 like special (I was told that everytime my friend see’s my dyed hair it absolutely makes his day :D)
50) what was the last text you sent? Yeah that’ll be $5000 for the kill nice doing business with you (Maaaannny pictures of Genji Shimada)
51) how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? WHAT SANTA ISNT REAL????!!!!!?!?!?! (It kinda faded over the years my last strands of belief were gone by 12)
52) what is your dream car? Odie’s car from Garfield Kart (The Mach 5 from speed racer there’s a street legal car look it up)
53) opinion on smoking? Jotaro does it so I do it too (PSA: Smoking doesn’t make you cool or look cool you’re just killng your lungs. I won’t try and make you stop as long as you’re aware I don’t want you smoking around me and you understand the consequences)
54) do you go to college? After that SAT I meeeaaaaannnn McDonalds might be hiring (I’m still in High School but I want to)
55) what is your dream job? To stand in a corner for 8 hours with a lamp shade over my head and make a clicking sound every so often (I would like to be able to draw, animate, design and/or play games for a living. Achievement Hunter would be a fantastic job but I doubt that’s happening)
56) would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I wanna live in a cloud In the sky and abduct people to harvest their DNA and make clones which I can fight to the death with (eh somewhere quiet and disconnected from people tbh)
57) do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? They fetch pretty high prices on eBay you’d be surprised (Nope I dont use them at all I bring my own and take my own)
58) do you have freckles? My face is a giant freckle little known fact (not really thank god I would look real bad with em)
59) do you smile for pictures? *leans in* I’m gonna let ya in on a secret kid. I wait until the photographer is just about to take the picture and then I hold a middle finger over my face to block the proper shot. Do it enough times then they’ll be payin YOU to get the picture done (I do but I only open my mouth slightly)
60) how many pictures do you have on your phone? They’re all of people I’ve killed because they showed me a stale meme dont worry about it (960 exactly and they’re all either memes, fan-art, or my cute friends)
61) have you ever peed in the woods? Ew no I don’t go outdoors thanks (Yep once on a school field trip in which we hiked to the top of a mountain it was fun)
62) do you still watch cartoons? Well I mean SOME ONE spoiled my belief in Santa earlier so I’m a bit too old for that now. I have a boring desk job thanks LAZLO (I do spongebob is really funny to me still and I LOVE the original Teen Titans)
63) do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McWendy’s next question (I dont eat either so)
64) Favorite dipping sauce? Drip dip dip I’m boutta rip please i want to die (I dont use dipping sauce either call me a heathen all you want)
65) what do you wear to bed? Well I take off the clothes I wore for the day, take off my earring, ring, necklace, eyes, hair, 3 layers of skin, and call it a night (Pajamas mostly and sometimes sweatpants)
66) have you ever won a spelling bee? *Obligatory Bee Movie Joke* (I’ve never even heard of a spelling bee in any of the schools I’ve been to)
67) what are your hobbies? Well I like to kill all mortals #ZamasuWasRight (I enjoy martial arts, drawing, video games, game design, and walking around my house with nothing to do)
68) can you draw? UH BOI YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ART IS UNTIL YOUVE SEEN A SHITTY JOJO DRAWING OF MINE (I mean yeah but not well)
69) do you play an instrument? Electric Triangle (Actually, I play the Violin but not super well)
70) what was the last concert you saw? SORRY WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THE CONCERT (I’ve never been to one that seems like the opposite of fun for me personally I hate hyper loud music, people, and crowds)
71) tea or coffee? Coftea next question (tea. I don’t drink caffeine if i can help it)
72) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I need my sugar sonic rings (Again, Don’t drink caffeine)
73) do you want to get married? I’m already getting married. MARRIED TO THE LIFE OF CRIME THAT IS UP TOP (I mean I would like to one day)
74) what is your crush’s first and last initial? My Self (I don’t have anyone I’m crushing on)
75) are you going to change your last name when you get married? What’s crimes last name? Smigglesworth? (If my partners last name is something with an S cuz then I can be PJS)
76) what color looks best on you? You know the color mario turns when he uses the super star? T-that (Pink and Black)
77) do you miss anyone right now? PPFFFFFT NOOOOO WHATS A FEEL *CRIES* THOSE ARENT TEARS ITS JUST SWEAT IVE ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS OKAY (I miss all my internet friends :( *cries*)
78) do you sleep with your door open or closed? It is neither open nor closed it is in a hyper dimensional state between open and closed in which no mortal can enter or exit but also cannot be blocked from passage (clooossed because otherwise the cats are gonna kill my fish)
79) do you believe in ghosts? I mean how else would I make a long and successful career as a ghost buster (I do!)
80) what is your biggest pet peeve? My pet, Peeve! Biggest one I know! (depends on for what tbh the other day a guest speaker was talking to the class and this kid was playing music in his headphones really really loud and it pissed me off)
81) last person you called? Called what? Called them a nerd? A good bean? A meme? MAKE MORE SENSE YOU ******* **** *** ******** (Well according to my phone, the name listed is “Mom”)
82) favorite ice cream flavor? I’ll ice your cream if you’re not careful (Vanilla with chocolate syrup mixed together is hella everyone GO TRY IT)
83) regular oreos or golden oreos? The fuck is a golden oreo?? (No seriously, what the actual is a golden oreo)
84) chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? *mario invincible star song plays as I flash color and dash down rainbow road* I’ll have to think about it (rainboooowww!)
85) what shirt are you wearing? Well I…. You see… The thing is…. excuse me for one second (yeah I can’t think of sass to this one but my favorite shirt! Sonic mania that my friend Tasha bought for me and I love it!!!)
86) what is your phone background? RYUJIN NO KEN WO KURAE!! “What do you think of this color? Is it not beautiful?” If you dont know those HOW DARE YOU LEARN THEM AND WE ARE WATCHING DRAGON BALL (Genji lock screen and Goku Black home screen)
87) are you outgoing or shy? Does THIS answer your question >:D (Outgoing when I want to be, but I’m antisocial so it’s like I CAN be outgoing and personable but it’s highly on my terms ya feel?)
88) do you like it when people play with your hair? My hair is a pride to my race the Saiyans hair is a sacred thing I will advise you not to touch it (YYYEEESSSS I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT BUT THAT HARDLY EVER HAPPENS)
89) do you like your neighbors? …..the what? Never heard of it before is that a type of appliance? (I mean they’re chill we don’t interact a lot which I’m cool with)
90) do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Nothin can cure this ugly face fest of spring 2018 (I use face wash when I shower which is typically right after school not sure why it matters but there ya go :V)
91) have you ever been high? “I’m high on LIFE maaaannn” -Incorrect Shaggy quotes (N o p e never have don’t plan on it)
92) have you ever been drunk? shots ShotS SHOTS SHOTSSHOTSHOTS (nope but I will one day maybe in College years)
93) last thing you ate? The shattering realization that my friends will keep saying OWO to me every chance they get (Pancakes! asked for french toast but I loooove the breakfast food so no complaints)
94) favorite lyrics right now someBODY Once Told Me The World Is Gonna Roll Me… (The lyrics to Bloody Stream dude it’s a g r e a t op)
95) summer or winter? Sorry I’m on Mars weather its ZXAR right now (eeehhhh winter cuz then I have an excuse to be inside and it’s also the ski season)
96) day or night? I am the darkness. I am the night. I am BATMAN (Night honestly I’m a fan of the darkness)
97) dark, milk, or white chocolate? Plllleeeeaaase its like asking if you’re heart is pure of evil or not. Dark Chocolate is a sin (Milk chocolate is the best chocolate fight me on that)
98) favorite month? See, some may argue for their birthday months, christmas, new beginnings to the year, but I say there’s only ONE spooky time :3 (Altho I’m one of the fools that’s gonna have to go with March because it usually has my favorite kind of weather for where I live)
99) what is your zodiac sign I refuse to go by Zodiac signs until Ted Cruz is proven to be the Zodiac Kill————–”OLD MEME ALERT THIS IS THE MEME POLICE” “I AINT GOIN BACK TO JAIL” (Cancer! I wear a necklace of my sign all the time fun fact for ya)
100) who was the last person you cried in front of? Me after writing all these (Don’t know actually I try not to cry in front of people ever)
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kaylane: you come over kaylane: touch them in person?
ducky: just checking ducky: uh ducky: [...] ducky: whats the fucking uh protocol here
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Kaylane: why does everyone keep asking me that? Of course I meant to send it ot you
ducky: um ducky: [...] ducky: did u mean to send that to me? ducky: [...] ducky: nice tits ducky: btw
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