#terrifying. all I wanna do is dnd. literally all I can think about.

[exopelagic]

help I got way too into homebrewing dnd stuff and now I can’t sleep

[fanartfunart]

Suggestions on how to make Link (Legend of Zelda) in DnD!

I’m gonna play Link in DnD one of these days darnit

Stats: On the basis of arguing that Charisma = Courage and that’s generally what Link is said to represent- Charisma is Stat numero 1. Sadly, dump Wisdom or Intelligence, that’s Zelda’s area of expertise and Link has proven multiple times he can and will be a dork.

My preference of order from highest to lowest: Charisma, Strength, Dexterity, Constitution (using ASIs to increase it will give you that ‘heart container’ milestone feel too), Intelligence, Wisdom. (If you want to play a smarter Link, I’d push Strength or Dex down depending on which weapons you wanna use more. Link does solve a lot of puzzles lol.)

Race: I personally would go with Wood Elf (elvish weapon training, base speed of 35 & Mask of the Wild fits very well w/ Link’s ability to run faster than so many NPCs and Mask of the Wild fits nice with the ability to just crouch into the grass and be hidden lol.) or Half Elf for the Charisma increase & Skill Versatility (which if you go with Wood Half Elf, you can switch for the Elvish Weapon Training, speed boost or Mask of the Wild) ....Can you tell I just think Link is innately connected to the woods? (because he is.)

Background: I might go with Far Traveler (Insight and Perception proficiency is always helpful, even if Wis isn’t our best stat here. All Eyes on You & the fact that you’re a relative stranger to the land you’ve entered works nicely for literally any version of Link), Folk Hero (Animal Handling prof is helpful if you want an Epona & Rustic Hospitality will give you an excuse to rest up in random people’s beds and wander into people’s houses without being thrown out lol) or Outlander (Athletics and Survival is a good set, and Wanderer will give you that Breath of the Wild feel)

Class: Narrative-wise, Link is basically a Paladin. Oath of Devotion especially (Sacred Weapon works very nice as the Master Sword & Turn the Unholy has the feeling of the sealing the darkness effect) In addition, we’ve already made Link’s highest stat Charisma. That said, there’s an argument to be had with making Link a Fighter. I might go with Fighter if you want to focus on the actual fighting aspect and the fact that Link really isn’t usually a spell caster himself. Besides, we all know Link is all about making like 3 attacks for every enemy’s 1 (wildly flailing the sword/button smashing for the win!) Personally Battle Master and Champion are good options for Link. I might go with Fighter if your DM lets you have a Master Sword and Paladin if you don’t wanna rely on that, and also wanna make sure you have some ‘hearts’ in store.

I could also imagine doing a Fighter/Paladin multiclass, so that you have that base set of Paladin features/narrative, but mechanically work more as a Fighter or vise versa.  (I’d either dip 2 lvls in Fighter for Action Surge, and the rest in Paladin, or 3 lvls in Paladin for Channel Divinity and the rest in Fighter)

Feats you should totally get:

Mobile (you get extra movement + no opportunity attack when you run away from enemy after hitting it. 100% Link... or maybe just how I play Link....?)

Dungeon Delver is terrifying as a DM and you should totally get it. (really, rolling hit dice get an increase, advantage on perception/investigation for looking for secret doors, advantage on avoiding and resisting traps, and resistance to damage by traps????? that’s a lot for one feat. Definitely good for a dungeon delving Link.)

If you go Paladin, but like the Battle Master, maybe take Martial Adept, it’ll give you the ability to use 2 of the Battle Master’s Maneuvers and 1 superiority die

Skills: if you can, take Animal Handling, Athletics, Acrobatics, Perception/Investigation, Intimidation, Persuasion, Stealth, &/or Survival. Maybe Medicine or Nature. 

Random characterization ideas:

Talk to literally every NPC

Break pots and trim grass with your sword. When asked why and/or what you’re looking for, shrug.

Request your DM give you a fairy friend that constantly tells you to watch out. Which you ignore.

[omnipah]

re: your tag - tell me more about why D&D is a bad ttrpg! I get so frustrated with people trying to mod D&D for different settings & campaigns when there are so many other systems out there that might do exactly what they're looking for and better!

Okay so first of all, disclaimer needed: I’ve only played dnd before, all my experience of other systems is from actual play (please I’m begging u to listen to Friends At The Table), but even that level of exposure is enough to see how dnd is, uh, Very deeply flawed and only gets by on the fact that people don’t know that better stuff exists (or, they do but they don’t wanna try it on principle, I guess).

My main thing is, and this is a matter of both the mechanics and the culture surrounding the game, that dnd is very bad at doing what a ttrpg sets out to do. Which is, a ttrpg is supposed to be a way of generating story in a way that’s spontaneous and collaborative, and of course there are a lot of ways to do that, but everything about dnd is designed to resist that drive. The amount of power the dm holds (both socially and mechanically) automatically sets them against the character players, and creates a space where the other players are encouraged to be completely passive and allow the dm to essentially have final say on what does and doesn’t go. Obviously this is partly an issue of who you’re playing with and whether they know how to be respectful, but the game leans into it by encouraging the dm to do all worldbuilding work themself and often hold secrets about it, and also through the way the dc of a roll is always the dm’s discretion. It doesn’t matter how well you rolled, at the end of the day, they can just say you failed, and if they’re smart they’ll just never tell u that they changed the dc behind ur back, but they’re perfectly capable within the rules and culture of the game to just change it based on what they like. This, needless to say, does not exactly cultivate good faith.

This is what I was saying in my tags: the issue of character players being passive and expecting to have a story told at them is a real problem, yes, and those players should engage and take responsibility for their part in generating plot and characterisation, but it’s an artefact of an extant (and now cyclic) problem, wherein the players with different roles aren’t encouraged to communicate or work together.

Like, one of the other things that feels really overlooked in dnd circles is the idea of consent and negotiation, the idea that the players should be able to, at any point, say to each other that they don’t want to touch a topic, or that they’re uncomfortable with where the story is going; a lot of people seem to implicitly think that it’s just not a big enough deal to actually talk about those things, or, at best, they assume you’ll say something without encouraging you to. There’s this assumption that if you don’t like something it’s your problem, rather than a collaborative effort to create a space in which everyone feels secure, and trusts the other people at the table enough to speak up without fear of getting dismissed.

That also leads into the issue of excessively built-out combat mechanics, with disproportionately little by way of anything else. It’s never encouraged by the rules to set boundaries for what kinds of violence you’re willing to see or commit in-game, or discuss the implications of depicting those things; and it’s assumed that combat is the main thing you’re there for. Combining that with the shocking level of bioessentialism in the lorebooks (whether overt fantasy racism or subtler stuff), it makes for a very narrow, and colonial, band of stories available to tell without excessive hacking, and hacking is excessively difficult because of how number-crunchy it is, in that, if you change anything or add anything, it’s very possible you’ll just break the game statistically.

The crunchiness also is something which can work and I’ve seen work well in other systems, but the way dnd does it actively discourages creativity on the character players’ parts. Other systems codify types of actions, and types of success and failure, which deliberately have wiggle room so that the mechanics can be massaged to take whatever weird and wonderful thing u wanna try to do, and they do it in a way that makes failure an interesting outcome that drives plot forward; dnd wants every single possible action to be codified in one specific way, or else not be accounted for at all (see previous, you also then can’t hack it in without several hours of work), and failure, as I’ve said, is a matter of dm discretion and whether they personally want to hinder you, which is something that’s honestly terrifyingly prevalent.

Also, in terms of longer campaigns, there’s no real structure to the game other than just an assumption that the numbers will get bigger, which is an incredibly false and boring way of attempting to raise stakes. Like, if your health has increased, AND your damage has increased, AND your ac has increased, AND all of those things have also increased for your enemies, what has actually changed in terms of how it feels to play the game? This is why so many people end up multi-classing, because it’s the only codified way to force some kind of lateral progression out of the game. Even then, nothing changes as you progress, except you’re maybe more terrified about killing off your own character in a way that you still have no control over, because again the character players have no control and are expected to just take it when they’re told something they don’t like. The attitude of ‘well, the dice said so’ is not a bad one, as long as you’re careful, but it’s acting as if the matter is out of the players’ hands, which is patently false; it’s a narrative that YOU are constructing, and you can and absolutely should make it a narrative that is safe for the people making and consuming it.

This comes back to the idea of ‘spontaneous and collaborative’. Dnd is viscerally opposed to any kind of actual working together, either between dm and character players, or between members of the party, but it’s also forcing the worst kind of spontaneity, in that ‘the dice said so’, while still codifying in advance everything you’re ‘allowed’ to try to do, and encouraging the dm to prep so hard that there’s nothing going on in the world that they don’t know about, which again puts all the onus on them for story- and world-building. You literally cannot do real collaboration if you have this attitude, and vice versa, you cannot have real spontaneity if you insist on setting yourself against the others.

Tl;dr: dnd is a game which goes out of its way to be hostile to the people playing it, and even when those people actively resist the competitive mechanics and culture, the story they end up making is just plain boring, and has a ton of unaddressed, unanalysed colonial baggage.

[amphii-writes]

Random Haikyuu Head Canons I Have

these are all taken from my discord server cause i remember to write them there, if you want to request fanfics, my requests are W I D E open! there is also nO order! these are just all the headcanons i could find tbh

warnings: mentions of blood, and just overall wild times, swearing

Asahi loves knitting sweaters because his shoulders are broad and he also loves seeing the reactions from his teammates when they get a sweater from him! He says he buys them but he doesn’t

Aone likes knitting socks because he has big feet and he loves fluffy knee high socks but his team will never know

Asahi and Aone regularly hang out and knit together! (after asahi wasnt scared of him anyways)

Nishinoya gives you shiny rocks he finds because “your eyes shine like them!”

Yamaguchi likes to have your head rest on his chest while cuddling!

Aone likes to bake

Aone dressed like a polar bear because koganegawa told him to- halloween was amazing

daICHI HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON

Daichi secretly can make some kick ass steak and is amazing at grilling sorry

Okay but real talk, Kenma and Yaku swear like sailors and it scares everyone because they always whisper the most foul, insulting things under their breath. Hearing it is like seeing a cryptid

Speaking of cryptids, Fukunaga and Shibayama are THE most true crime, mythology, and mystery obsessed fanatics on the team and often fanboy about it together 

Fukunaga’s obsession with moth man has gotten to an unhealthy stage

Kenma absolutely had a vampire phase and has read twilight. Only Kuroo knows and has sworn to secrecy via blood pact

Kuroo’s a musical nerd. Knows all of the lyrics to Hamilton, BMC, DEH, Heathers, Rent, Beetlejuice, Etc. Kenma considered dropping him because of it

Iwaizumi tells the worst dad jokes and Kyotani, wanting to beat him, started doing it too and it drives everyone insane

Yahaba and Matsukawa get along surprisingly well. Both are true crime freaks and bond over their forensic files obsessions

Matsukawa didn’t really like his thick eyebrows so he got one of his female friends to pluck it for him, but almost cried and gave up after the first hair. Oikawa called him a pussy for the next year

Hanamaki jokingly flirts with everyone on the team so most of them just got used to it, but it still confuses Kindaichi to the point of mental breakdown

Makki called Kyotani ‘puppy’ as a joke once and now mad dog is truly terrified of him

Kyotani’s dog absolutely ADORES Oikawa and it’s the funniest shit to the rest of the team

Mattsun and Makki play DnD and once convinced Yahaba and Kyotani to join. Kyotani kept rolling to fight everyone and Yahaba was a bard that kept rolling to seduce everyone. They kept yelling across the board so they had to kick them out

Outside of his school uniform, Goshiki specifically wears only plaid

Tendou makes little chocolates for the whole team every once in a while so they don’t think he’s scary

Semi and Shirabu once had a fistfight in an abandoned McDonald’s parking lot while Tendou filmed and Goshiki cheered them on

Everybody makes fun of Shirabu’s haircut but nobody dares to say it to his face. its gotten to the point where they say he got it done by a blind old lady

There’s a running joke about Shirabu also getting his haircut from prison but Goshiki is starting to suspect that it may not be a joke

Yamagata and Tendou are good friends with the mutual goal of collecting as much blackmail on their team as possible

Tendou loves animals generally considered to be ‘ugly’ like rats, crows, reptiles, etc.

80% of Goshiki’s playlist is shit overplayed on the radio. Him, Shirabu, Tendou, Kawanishi and Ushijima have a permanent ban from the aux cord

Nobody watches YouTube with Ushijima because he never skips the damn ads (other than tendou)

Suna once said y’all’dn’t’ve unironically and made a first year cry

Akagi once said UwU unironically and had an identity crisis.

Osamu has one of those rainbow gaming keyboards and is constantly on a discord call. Atsumu always yells weird shit in the background to embarrass him and once pretended to be him

During Seijoh group chat arguments. Hanamaki and Mattsukawa like to drop facebook minion memes in just to piss everyone off even more

mattsun and maki both have separate photo albums in their phones labelled ‘minion memes to piss everyone off’

Hinata carries a pocket knife and no one has no fucking idea why

mattsun and maki both have matching rat fursuits that look like they actually where in a sewer- they chased oikawa around

For all his talk of plant analogies and metaphors, Ushijima cant grow shit

Goshiki’s Bangs are the way they are because his favorite character was Rock Lee from Naruto

Oikawa has watched Ouran High School Host Club front to back so many times and he can quote all of Tamaki’s lines by heart -He keeps bothering Iwaizumi to “be his Haruhi, since you’re shorter than me”

Koganegawa has definitely gone as an Angry Bird for Halloween

Fukunaga has those reflective cat eyes, and he has terrified Yamamoto on several occasion

Hanamaki and Matsukawa have a teddy bear that they pretend is their child and they share custody

Suga always sprays whipped cream straight into his mouth whenever he sees a can

Nishinoya definitely bit people as a kid

Nishinoya would be the guy to wear shorts all year round and even if it's snowing, he'll insist he's not cold

Tendou is still stuck in his emo phase and would fangirl over Creepypasta with me and I appreciate that (me too buddy, me fuckin too)

Kyoutani LOOKS like he’d listen to viking death metal, but in reality he listens to Mother Mother and knows all the words to Ghosting

Sugawara would definitely encourage me to dumb shit and not stop me, and you’re all dumb for thinking he wouldn’t 

KENMA IS NOT ‘uwu owo’ SHY, HE IS ‘your fucking gross’ SHY SO LITERALLY STFU

Bokuto listens to Nicki Manaj. And knows all the words. To every. Single. Song.

Ushijima for some reason knows an odd amount of 90′s-2000′s R&B and he will hum along to the songs if they come on the radio (he also loves Dolly Parton) ((he says he relates to her music))

Bokuto once ate instant ramen for an entire month

TERUSHIMA DID TRY TO FUCK A PLANT WHILE SHITFACED AND GOD I STAND BY WHAT I SAID

atsumu let’s you put makeup on him and pretends to eat the brushes (do yk what im talking about- like n o m)

tendou ran for school president as a joke but actually won

i 100% believe that all of karasuno’s third years apologize when they bump into inanimate objects, but when suga is really tired or stressed out, he’ll yell at them instead.

Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Taketora have a group chat called "Bros who want sum hoes" and they send each other hypebeast memes and shit

Sugawara knows how to do a bunch of flexible shit because he sometimes goes to yoga with daichi and asahi's moms, its fucking hilarious

tanaka and noya both breakdance- they work as a team and sometimes go to tokyo for underground competitions- saeko drives them

Daichi knows a little ballet- nobody other than Kiyoko knows because they saw each other at the ballet class and had to work together- dont tell tanaka and noya that he lifted her though

Osamu once put glitter on Atsumu's pillow- he still finds hot pink glitter on shit

kita knits and crochets with his grandma

Kita's grandma knows everyone's names because kita talks shit bout them, her favorite is Aran

Kuroo has burnt his eyebrows off doing an experiment. His goggles didn't cover all his brows,,, so he just showed up to practice like that. No eyebrows and a chemical burn

kenma has played all kinds of games, but he was dared to play corpse party by kuroo. He wasn't scared because of the gore, he was thinking about the trauma the characters went through. Punched kuroo the next day because that game was fucked up

Lev isn't a strong swimmer, so he often grabs people by the head to keep himself up. happened with kenma and lev couldn't walk due to the force of kenmas suprised water kicks

akaashi has those fancy pens that you have to dip in ink and they're so nice

Bokuto has and will eat pencil erasers again

Daichi once almost lost his shit at his team but instead he lost his shit at the door that decided to stub his toe on the way out of the gym. not the best thing to be found yelling to.

Yamaguchi for sure has been dragged to one of terushimas parties because he didnt wanna say no. oh and terushima has like frat boy level parties too. Yams has for sure had some wild nights and doubts anyone other than Tsukishima and the party-goers will ever know

Akaashi can actually flirt very well! He reads romance novels sometimes and has analyzed any and every book in his possession! so he's actually quite charming

Daihsou unironically posted on twitter after mika broke up with him "I still see her shadows in my room"

Mattsun and Maki run a fake oikawa account; its been going ever since twitter even started getting popular and they even started sending messages in spanish. The posts would range from "I love all my fans!" to flirting with them :) Oikawa is pissed cause the account got verified before he did and most of his fans also follow the fake oikawa. Tooru has no idea who runs it JUST IMAGINE OIKAWA JUST LIKE RANTING TO THE SEIJOH 3RD YEAR ALUMNI AND JUST "no Iwa-chan, you dont understand! they run a fake account and pretend to be me!" while makki and mattsun laugh their asses off

Oh, kenma for sure has pretended to be a girl on discord and has gotten someone to buy him stuff. after they do he says in his normal voice "fucking simp" and then hangs up and blocks the other persons discord

Yamamoto, despite his rough appearance, loves kids and has and will be a human jungle gym

suna in middle school had a game with his friends about who could make kids cry the fastest

The twins switched places back in middle school and nobody could tell because of how great they are at acting like eachother

Daichi once arrested coach ukai for public intoxication after a game :|

Daichi has arrested many people from his old volleyball team but the most memorable case was when he arrested tanaka and noya for reckless driving. poor idiots got so scared when they saw their old captains face in their mirror and started to pray

tanaka, while trying to intimidate someone, once said "You dont gotta tell me twice, i may be straight but these hands are bisexual" and he often cringes at night thinking about it

Kageyama, as a comeback to Tsukishima, said "one thing about us royalty is that we love to feast" and he also fuckin hates what he said

the third years made a cult for Kiyoko. they chant every wednesday "i'll do anything for kiyoko, she makes me go loco"

oikawas fangirls are known to be fucking rabid

yAMAMOTO AND KENMA AFTER THEIR FIGHT WERE FORCED BY KUROO TO MAKE IT UP: so they dyed their hair together

Makki and mattsun sang two trucks in front of the entire team. everyone was so confused. Makki: "twO TRUCKS HAVIN SEX!!" Mattsun: "oH yEs!"THEY'D SWITCH OFF AND HAVE LIKE CHOREOGRAPHY TOO LIKE THEY'D DO A TANGO WHILE THE SONG IS LIKE "two beer trucks, making love"

tendou once called Oikawa "mr. no-nationals" and got kicked in the shins before iwaizumi could save him

Tsukishima had a my little pony phase

you work with matsukawa at a morgue and he makes dead people jokes while you fix some dead guys face with wax and makeup he'd be like "so didnt he like,,, stick his head out of the sunroof of a moving fuckin car??" he'd be singing dumb ways to die the entire day

i feel like Kuroo has one crazy accident a year. like it might not be deadly but its fucking crazy like for example: Kuroo for sure has ridden in a shopping cart at past midnight with kenma (who pushed him down a hill) causing Kuroo to get scratched up hella well. he lied and said he spent the night with a girl and kenma fucking hated himself cause he would be the girl if that was true

Mattsun has flirted with the 4th years moms before (AS A JOKE), and because of this: he is known as “fuckin milf hunter” sometimes by the team

Warning, this next headcanon is talking about cannabis, weed, mary jane, the zoink root. so if your uncomfortable, please dont read below :)

dude i wanna get high as SHIT with Asahi 

i think Asahi would be one of those mfkers who takes one hit and is gone 

ASAHI ACCIDENTALLY GOING TO PRACTICE ZOINKED 

IMAGINE HIM SEEING TSUKISHIMA AND JUST "he looks so judgemental,,, im scared" 

OR LIKE A MAD DAICHI AND JUST "i'm gonna,,, im gonna go jump out the window now" 

Noya and Tanaka would know tho, i feel like they'd have a 6th sense when it comes to weed. they probably get some from Saeko cause she'd rather they do it in the house. they'd smell asahi like fucking dogs and just so,,, big guy had fun without us huh? 

DAICHI WOULD KNOW ABOUT ASAHI BEING ZOINKED, SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE WALL, TURN AROUND WITH A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD AND WITH A BEAMING SMILE AND FEUX ENTHUSIASM SAY: "YOSH, LETS WARM UP!"

[actualbird]

So I realise I've been sending a lot of asks that almost always vary in length from Long to Really Long and I'm very sorry if it gets annoying xgjxjg I'll slow down on the asks if it is!

So I'm gonna get in on cn server content screaming because evERYONE IS SO GORGEOUS????? I love them so much they all look so good I'm terrified of what's coming next. We had the exact same observation with Luke on the ground fgkfyi it looks like they're literally in the middle of entering did he just randomly crouch the minute he was in?? Is this something he just does casually? Did he do it in the Manor of Hermes too? I'm making this a habit of his.

Forget all the boys giving mc layers Marius alone could probably shed enough layers to keep mc warm and still remain bundled up. He looks like he's dressed for an expedition to the Arctic while mc looks she's on a day out in town when the weather is kind of cold.

About limited events, it is a lot like ongoing tv shows, I hadn't thought about it like that! Jumbled events really can mess up a story and its progression. I don't think there are words in the English language to describe how I felt when playing through the main story of an otome, having a character threaten to kill the mc very painfully and then opening the ongoing event and seeing said character say heartfelt romantic lines to mc with a kiss scene at the end. It was a very surreal experience and honestly kind of hilarious.

xfjzfhxj poor Artem being put on the spot like that. The team will love Dirt Leaf and their name will be part of the reason why. Vyn will probably incorporate Dirt Leaf into his campaigns and make the rest cry over them somehow. Watch as the backstory behind Dirt Leaf's name is revealed to be one of the saddest things Vyn has ever come up with.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SKIRMISH CONTENT!!! I will never regret asking people about their dnd characters it's always just So Nice to hear about them!! Their backstory is really interesting and I really like how they got their name! And the fanfic. The Fanfic. I'm so tempted to give a piece by piece recount of all the parts I loved but I'm pretty sure that would cause this ask to hit the word limit so I will try to condense it. I'm a sucker for repetition in writing, in music, in film, in Literally Everything. You used repitition Wonderfully in that fic. Everytime I read "tell me something real" it evoked a different emotion in me and tied the story together so well. I knew how it would end and Still I was hoping for a happy ending and my heart broke when it didn't happen. In summary I care Skirmish so much I wish nothing but the best for them.

THEIR ANTICS ARE SO FUN!!! Every single thing you shared brought me so much joy. Personal favourite is definitely their made up story about the sword fhifgii that one really backfired on you. Honestly though props to you for actually being able to improvise that long of a story! I'm pretty impressed! I absolutely would have floundered halfway through that.

Again thank you so much for the Skirmish lore! I really, really enjoyed reading all of it!

🌌

EYYO, MILKYWAY :DDD

all this is in response to events Yesterday and man, made me realize i talk about SO MUCH IN ONE DAY DSKFJKJFS but i'll keep this response brief cuz ur other ask is making me go feral and i wanna get to that

god, the cn server event. they all look so good in the cards and the invite but kjbkbKJBKJD YEAH LUKE IMMEDIATELY GOES TO THE FLOOR AND EVERYBODY LOOKS TO BE WALKING. headcanon accepted, he does this all the time. any investigation, hes crouching on the floor immediately. and marius has enough layers to warm the whole team LMAO

kbKBKSGBSKDJKGS THE EXPERIENCE U MENTIONED BOUT THAT ONE GAME SOUNDS INSANE, IT MUSTVE BEEN A WILD RIDE.

ur so right about Dirt Leaf and i cant believe vyn is gonna make the whole team cry about Dirt Leaf.

and waaaWAAAAAA IM SO GLAD U LIKED THE FICCCCCC. i too am a slut for repetition especially when each repetition gains a new meaning and context as stories progress and just HHHH THANK U FOR UR KIND WORDS BOTH ABOUT THE FIC AND ABOUT SKIRMS, MY BASTARD CREATION!! i also care them dearly :((

thank YOU so much for the enthusiasm uve got for stuff i make here, be it dumb posts pointing out funny stuff or my non fandom ramblings, it means a lot to me <3

[samsonet]

Power Trip

In which Piers is an actual bad guy and does actual bad guy-things.

*

Obstruct is a dark-type move. It’s unique among dark-type moves in that it is a straightforward block. In fact, it works remarkably like the move King’s Shield. But while Aegislash is the partner of kings, Obstagoon have traditionally been seen with traitors and outcasts.

Piers made his peace long ago with being the outcast of the league. They get a heel, and he gets a nice paycheck and a region-wide audience. He’s always been more comfortable as an outsider anyway. After all, he’s from Spikemuth.

The crowd roars when Leon’s Aegislash protects itself. They jeer when Obstagoon does the same.

Not like it matters, anyway. Of course Leon wins.

The champion grins as they shake hands, praising Piers on training his Pokémon so well. There’s no use returning the compliment. He gives a strained smile and waves dismissively to the cameras as he walks off the pitch.

“Leader Piers! Why didn’t you Dynamax when Leon did?”

“Do you think your unusual battle style caused your defeat today?”

“Can you tell us about the album you’re currently working on?”

He doesn’t answer any of them. He doesn’t have to; his contract is very clear that he is only obligated to talk to reporters at press events, and only if he’s been given twenty-four hours’ notice that there will be a press event. Besides, the questions they’re asking now will just have the same answers he’s given before. He hates repeating himself.

*

Aura Wheel is a dark-type move. Or it is half the time, anyway. It’s funny. While the dark type is mostly defined by pragmatic actions, it is also associated with, well, darkness. There’s no “light” type, but if there was one, it would be electric.

Piers congratulates himself again on choosing the perfect partner for his sister.

He wants Marnie to shine. He may be biased, but he thinks she's the most amazing person on earth. She’s a good person, better than he is, and she’s a good battler, better than he is. If anyone deserves to be champion, it’s her.

But success in the league takes more than talent. It takes a willingness to follow the league’s standards, it takes well-faked enthusiasm, it takes marketability.

So Piers is more than willing to use his influence to give her an edge.

He starts with his gym trainers’ admiration of Marnie, encouraging them to cheer for her at her matches. He gives them a name: Team Yell. Soon there are others joining the fan club. Nobody complains about his directions.

Fandom is part of the spectacle of the league. Piers is the leader of Team Yell, but officially, he’s not responsible for any mild mischief a fan gets up to. He doesn’t even direct them to do much. At least, he doesn’t direct the grunts. His gym trainers, yeah, they do the important stuff.

Rose is up to something. It’s big — Piers knows this because every project the chairman takes on is. It’s shady — Piers knows this because it’s not like the man to keep his projects quiet.

He sends Team Yell around the region and does some investigating himself. Nobody questions why Piers is suddenly showing up to league meetings; they’re just happy that he is. He comes to Rose Tower when he’s invited, and he stays even after the meetings are over. He walks through the lesser-used stairways, down the closed-to-the-public halls.

That’s when he hears the name Eternatus.

Luckily for him, Macro Cosmos’ grunts don’t seem to realize the importance of secrets. From scattered conversations he figures out that there’s a great big something in Hammerlocke, under the energy plant. It’s not league-approved, but then Rose is perhaps the only man in Galar more powerful than the league.

If Piers is smart, he can find a way to use this.

So he starts spending more time in Hammerlocke. It’s fun, actually; he and Raihan are friends, and they’ve managed to make a lot of progress on their DnD campaign. They even train together sometimes, making use of Raihan’s 24/7 access to the stadium.

Being a specialist means knowing when to taunt and when to flatter.

* He’s hanging out with Raihan when the latter says, “Wanna see something?”

Of course.

Raihan slides his key card by the elevator and takes him to the bottom floor.

The basement smells of gasoline. There’s a large orb in the center of the room; this, Raihan tells him, is Eternatus. See the tubes here? That’s where Rose is going to store the energy of the Pokemon. See this gadget here, only a couple inches bigger than Raihan’s hand? It’s Rose’s plan B, meant to control the beast if it gets out of hand.

Raihan starts his explanation calmly, but as he goes into detail, a touch of hysteria enters his voice.

“All this… It’s scary, right? This thing is so powerful and we’re depending on a piece of metal to control it. Literally nobody else seems to have a problem with it. That’s weird, isn’t it? Or is it weird that I’m terrified?”

“Not weird at all, mate. I’ll admit it’s giving me the creeps, too,” he says. But his eyes are drawn to that blinking piece of metal on the table.

The control switch. Something that would reverse the power of the wishing stars and calm the monster down.

It’s not that he thinks his little sister can’t beat Leon legitimately. She definitely can. But he taught her to use dark-types, and dark-types don’t play fair if they can help it.

When Raihan’s back is turned, Piers snatches up the switch and slides it in his sleeve. It fits comfortably between his wrist and elbow. If he curls his fingers just so, he can hold it in place without being obvious.

Sorry, Leon, he thinks. It’s nothing personal.

Thief is a dark-type move, too.

*

Piers meets Leon’s brother soon after. The kid is bright, and he definitely has talent of his own. He does tend to overthink things, but Piers has seen worse flaws. The Yell grunts say that this kid made Marnie smile within five minutes of meeting her. Anyone who can do that has earned some respect in Spikemuth.

“Good job, kid. You’ve got style.”

Hop beams. “Thanks! See you later!”

Leon’s other endorsee? Well, she exists. She arrives, she wins, she leaves. Real quiet, that one.

He doesn’t see them again until the night of the semifinals, when Marnie comes to him in her version of a panic. Her friends (friends!) Gloria and Hop were waiting for Leon to meet with them, but he never showed. They’re worried. Marnie’s worried. Piers is not. He suspects he knows where Leon is, and why.

(Rose loves his speeches.)

He sends the kids on a fool’s errand with the excuse of distracting the Macro Cosmos trainers. While they’re gone, he heads up the tower himself. All it takes is a few psychic commands from Malamar to get a lift key and remove distractions.

On the top floor, Piers makes his presence known. “Hey.”

That gets Rose to shut up. Hard to monologue when there are witnesses, hm?

“Yer brother’s waitin’ for ya. You’d better go get him that dinner you promised.” He gives Rose a steady glare. “Unless I’m interruptin’ somethin’?”

The chairman smiles. “It’s alright. Leon, think about what I said.”

For most of the elevator ride down, Leon is quiet. Then he says, “Thanks for rescuing me. You’re a good friend, Piers.”

“Don’t say that. I’ve got a reputation t’ uphold.”

*

As expected, Rose’s plan goes horribly wrong. The safeguards fail; Leon is called to Hammerlocke; all of Galar gets to see just what kind of men their chairman and champion are.

Marnie’s friends try to leave the stadium. Hop is determined to help Lee, apparently, even though Leon is the unbeatable champion and Hop has nowhere near the experience or raw strength his brother does.

Piers knows he’s a bastard, but he isn’t going to let Marnie’s friends get themselves killed on a hopeless mission.

“You can’t just run off to Leon an’ leave me all alone. I’m bored. Do me a favor an’ keep me company here, yeah?”

“No!” Hop cries. “Lee needs us! We won’t let you stand in our way!”

It’s heartwarming that Hop wants to rescue his brother. Piers is sympathetic, even.

But he will not allow these kids to interfere.

“Then I think I’ll invite Team Yell along, and we'll have ourselves a bit of fun, shall we?”

[thisisallthehattersfault]

Write With Me - From Concept To Finished Draft part 3

A couple days ago I put together a premise and partial skeleton for a fic I plan to write for Spinaraki week. Yesterday was DND day, so I didn’t get any work done on finishing that skeleton, but today my goal is to have a complete skeleton laid out! Let’s get to it!

One of the really cool things about fanfiction is that there aren’t any set rules -- or even really any solidly defined guidelines -- for how long or short your fic should be. It really is entirely based on what the writer has in mind for pacing, length, and plot. It gives a lot of wiggle room and, imo, makes it easier to tell exactly the kind of story you want to tell. It also makes it an absolutely goddamn bitch to plot, because every story structure out there is built for novel writing. The more detailed ones, at least. The more vague plot outlines will remind you of what important story beats you need to hit, but the problem with those is that story beats aren’t scenes. Most of them are only a moment -- a page, sometimes just a paragraph. The stuff all around and between those moments is still left completely vague. I like that empty canvas when I’m working on my novel, but I can also admit that the majority of the reason that novel is taking me so long to finish is specifically because I’m flying blind so much of the time. I don’t wanna do that for a fic I only have a month to write, alongside five other fics I only have a month to write, none of which are my current ongoing major projects. So, I decided to put together my own plot outline. Ten chapters, all the major story beats, with notes for important events that need to take place in each chapter. I spent all day today looking at different story structures and cherry picking what I liked and what I didn’t, and put together something that turned out to be pretty useful! I won’t post the plot structure on it’s own just yet -- it needs some more tweaking before I’m comfortable presenting it as a writing tool -- but I do now have a full plot for this fic figured out and outlined.

Chapter 1: Spinner is on the run from Overhaul’s goons. The setting and Spinner’s goal of tracking down and joining Stain are established. He’s nearly captured and dragged back to the freakshow when he literally runs into Shigaraki. Chapter 2: Shigaraki protects Spinner from the thugs, which Spinner only sees part of, as his exhaustion and injuries cause him to lose consciousness. He wakes up in a trailer having been patched up, and Shigaraki offers to let him stay with their troupe. Spinner, terrified of being another freakshow attraction, refuses and storms off. Chapter 3: Spinner manages a few days on his own, but is ultimately found by members of his old circus, who he struggles to fight off. Just as he’s starting to think his escape was for nothing, he’s rescued by Dabi and Magne. Reluctantly, he agrees to go back with them as a temporary solution, at least until he can figure out a better plan. Chapter 4: With Shigaraki’s troupe, Spinner finds himself treated like a person for the first time in his life, and surrounded by people who respect and sympathize with him. Many of them also share his admiration of Stain. However, the circus is going down a different path than Spinner is, and he reminds himself this is only temporary. Chapter 5: Spinner spends more time with the villains, and his budding feelings for Shigaraki grow deeper. He gets confirmation of something that’s been hinted at -- that Shigaraki’s powers are the result of quirk experiments preformed by Doctor Ujiko, and that if he fails to prove himself “worthy” of these powers, the doctor will take them back. Spinner’s concern for Shigaraki is interrupted when Overhaul’s gang go after the troupe. Chapter 6: Spinner’s new friends are in danger, and he has a choice to make -- use the distraction to run off and save himself, or stick around and fight alongside the league. Of course he chooses to stay, and in the fight he overhears Overhaul saying he learned the league’s location from the doctor. Shigaraki is dragged off, and Spinner and the rest of the league just manage to retreat. Chapter 7: The league find shelter, take a few minutes to freak out, and immediately begin planning a counter-attack. Spinner takes on a personal mission -- confront and distract Overhaul, and learn what ties he has to the doctor and Shigaraki’s mysterious master. The others recognize Spinner’s connection with Shigaraki, and Spinner admits he’s in love. Chapter 8: Spinner dives into his reckless plan, using tricks and techniques he’s learned from his time with the league and putting the muscle and strength he’s gained from living out of a cage to good use. Even with that though, it’s all Spinner can do to keep Overhaul distracted. Still, he succeeds long enough for the rest of the league to dispatch of Overhaul’s thugs, and it seems like they’ll succeed after all. Then the Nomus arrive. Chapter 9: All hell has broken loose, the real threat has presented itself, and Shigaraki is still unconscious. With newfound determination, Spinner dives in to drag their leader away from death’s door. He manages to wake Shigaraki up, and the league bands together for the next half of the fight. Chapter 10: The league manages to take down the army of Nomu crawling out of seemingly nowhere, and return to their caravan to lick their wounds. This is only a break -- Shigaraki is still being tested, and it’s likely things will only get more dangerous from here. Stain is spotted a few cities over, and Shigaraki offers to drop Spinner off on their way through. Spinner says he’s happy right where he is. Shigaraki impulsively kisses Spinner, who bluescreens. The league all get together to plan their next step, Spinner shyly holding Shigaraki’s hand under the table.

Alright! I won’t worry about word count -- I know what needs to happen in what order, so I’ll give each chapter as much room as feels right. I don’t think I’ll ever end up turning this into a series, but I like having the option. Now all that’s left is to write it. See you all in a month!

[scp-10000]

SlytherinFan135

I planned on releasing this when I got all my ideas more together, but somebody(@zombiecleoprime) decided to show the Hermits, so here is this idea.

Cubfan is a Slytherin.  

Boy, we’re off to a great start to this.  Doc, who was a 3rd year when Cub first came to Hogwarts, was assigned to watch this little bastard. 

He’s had rumors spread about him since day one.  Here’s a list of some of the most common ones.  

He could speak parsletoung, and everyone assumed he was a descendant of Salazar Slytherin, which is probably the most believable rumor out of all of them.  

A lot of people say he sells literally everything and tortures anyone who messes with his business.  

He also has this secret section of the dungeon where he takes people and tortures them.  Everyone use to say he only took people he didn’t like there, but one night during his 5th year, he took Scar there, and everyone thinks he likes Scar, and a few 2nd years heard muffled screaming in the dungeons.  That screaming spawned a few more rumors about what happened that night.

He also has the ability to cast Avada Kadavra along with Mumbo and Doc(who are the warlock trio in my DnD au.)

Someone heard him say he wants to start breeding Basilisks.

These rumors have some truth behind them.

He can speak parsletoung, but is mostly neutral on the whole Slytherin descendant thing.

He does sell just about everything, and for a decent price, but he won’t actually torture anyone who messes with his business.  He actually places a memory charm on people who mess with his business and makes them think he tortures people.  (This is probably the only rumor about him that he started himself.)

He actually does have a secret chamber in the dungeon that he found on his first year.   That’s where he stores all his wears.  One time during his 5th year, he took Scar(6th year Hufflepuff) down to his dungeon to show him all his wears, but one of his snakes got loose and scared Scar(who is deathly afraid of snakes.)  He had to put his snake back, and clam a panicking Scar for about half an hour.  

Cub(and Mumbo and Doc) do not wish to cast Avada Kadavra.

He does wanna breed Basilisks, but only to prove he can.

He’s normally just a businessman who will sell anyone anything and will prank anyone, but about half the time his pranks are just an excuse to give away wears for free or advertise his business without being too malicious.  Cub’s also a good person to if you need help with your homework.  Cub will also use his terrifying reputation to his advantage.  All 1st and 2nd year students of any house are protected by the parslemouth with the secret dungeon chamber.  One of the things that surprise people the most is how outspoken he is against Salazar Slytherin’s decision to not allow muggle-borns into Slytherin, often calling Salazar a Cowardly Fool for wanting to leave any child with magical abilities out alone and uneducated in a world full of people who want to kill them for having a magical spark.

[ghostymeat]

@directium

I’m sorry if this is a lot, and I’m totally cool with you not using these suggestions. BUT as a huge horror fan, I’m about to go ham because I thought of making this au but gave up and I hope these ideas serve you better than they did to me :D

(cracks knuckles) Here we go

As for the main trio, I have a few ideas. As much as I like the idea of Nurf being “Child’s Play”(1988) Chucky, I think Nikki would be a better Chucky. Mainly because of the match between the image and the personality. Chucky passes off as a cute yet creepy, little kid doll that has a crazy, snappy, witty killer’s soul trapped in it. I think that goes great with Nikki, she cute on the outside, but she’ll snap your arm off. Plus I totally picture her saying “Hi, I’m Nikki, and I’m your freind till the end! Hiydee-Ho!” before stabbing you in the mouth with a crazy smile. For Neil, I see him deffinitly being an evil scientist. But maybe more like a evil kid genius version of  “H. P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator” (1985) Herbert West. He’s disconnected from reality but deditaced to science. He’ll do awful things that go against nature and bring back the dead, while still being an adorable little kid. As for Max, I like the suggestion somone already made to make him Children of the Corn (1984) Isaac Chroner. He’s manipulative, he’s evil, and he’s already also a little kid. It also fits in with the idea that Max is kind of the most mature and in charge of the kids, so he’d kind be their super evil leader.

As for the other kids, I do have a few ideas but I don’t have all the campers, which is part of why I didn’t make my own au. But here are some if you want them.

For Nurf, I already said I liked the suggestion of him being Chucky but I had another idea. I kind see him a bit more like a kid version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) Bubba “Leatherface” Sawyer. Because what’s more terrifying than Nurf with a knife? Nurf with GODDAMN CHAINSAW. Also it plays into Leatherface’s character, a big, chubby, scary guy in a mask who’s actually kind of a sweetheart who loves his family and just wants to make them happy. For Ered, the coolest horror monster I could think up for her was a teen vampire. Specifically The Lost Boys (1987) vampires. The Lost Boys is all about a group of outcast teenage vampires who are both scary, rebelious, and real cool. For Preston, of course a kid version of The Phantom of the Opera (1986). He already has the mask in canon, plus him being an actual ghost that can literally vanish dramatically out of nowhere? Poetic cinema. For Nerris somone suggested Saw (2004 film), but specifially I think he’s be a kid version of Amanda Young, one of the Pig mask killers/Jigsaw’s protoge. Putting the couselors in DnD style death traps in her cute little piggy mask while asking them “I wanna play a game”. For Harrison, someone already suggested The Omen (1976) Damien Thorn the devil kid with evil powers. I totally agree with that idea. Plus that’s the vibe his parents in canon already give out. I don’t have many ideas for Space Kid and Dolph. Maybe Space Kid being half human, half Alien (1979) Xenomorph. I kinda see Dolph kinda being like Halloween (1978) Micheal Myers, specifially the little kid version of him at the start of the movie in his clown costume as he killed his big sister but I dunno. And I’m not sure if I missed any other kids. 

Side suggestions, Sasha as Jennifer’s Body (2009) Jennifer, QuaterMaster  A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) Freddy Kruger, and maybe David and Gwen can be reffrences to Final Girls/Scream Queen and Kings

WELP, that’s all the suggestions I have and I just spent almost an hour typing them down. Again, you don’t have to use them, I just hope they can help devlope your Happy Dreams Daycare AU!

[cloudybookash-blog]

25-50

Soooo… I take forever to do these things, sooooorrryyyy!

26. What would your character say their best trait would be?

Idk, probs that she’ s nice or something? I literally have never thought about how my characters feel about themselves??? 

Great start!

27. What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational?

That she ends up accidentally, or even intentionally, like her father in her attempt to over throw his rule. I’d say she’s terrified to become a hypocrite, all these years facing against her family and the way the rule/conduct themselves to end up doing or being exactly like them would be nightmare inducing for her.

28. What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party?

She killed the other party… In all fairness, it was an accident.

But for real, before meeting her current Crew™ her biggest fear was leading her Old Party and being shunned by the very peoples with who she was coming to aid/save. Of course, she stays with them because at the end of the day she loves them and enjoys their company but there are obviously a lot of other reasons to stay: she doesn’t know the land (her Old Party were going to teach her when they reached ‘safety’), she doesn’t have any ties on the new planet apart from a single group of rebels from her home world who aren’t the easiest on the eyes, she hardly speaks the language or understands the customs/culture of this new planet, and probably even more that I haven’t thought about. Bottom line is that she needs them.

On a happy note, they need her too.

29. What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class?

I’m translating these q’s for a book and I don’t know enough about dnd (or my fucking characters for that matter) to answer.

30. What would most people think when they first see your character?

Tall. Like, freakishly tall.

31. What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?)

Well, she’s technically the leader I guess. It’s kind of her quest they’re all on but at the same time the others tend to take her place leading the sub groups while she figures out a plan. I guess she might be The Man in The Chair or Behind the Curtain.

32. What is your character the most insecure about?

Maybe her intelligence, like not being the smartest person in the room. She’s known (even on the new planet) for being super strong and a great fighter, but she detests that viewpoint because it makes it difficult for people (and herself) to differentiate between the ‘bad guys’ in her family and the ones who’ve been fighting the Good Fight, like her.

33. What person does your character admire most?

I think I’ve answered this before and it had something to do with liking people who could be strong and caring at the same  time. Or something sappy like that.

34. What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left?

Translating for a book her so I’ll answer about how my character feels about the other four members of the main cast:

J: PRO: very understanding, never have to explain or defend herself to him - he always gets it. CON: not who she thought he would be.ME: PRO: loyal, despite having their little spats, at the end of the day ME would die for her. CON: not very understanding.HH: PRO: funny, can relax the whole mood at a moments notice. CON: reckless, is usually the only reason they get into trouble.M: PRO: is the closest to her in age and as a result is like her best friend, there’s almost nothing she hates about M. CON: I literally can’t think of one Z could have against M.

35. Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)?

Not applicable.

36. What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music?

Something folky? 

37.  What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.)

A toss up between the Loner or the Class President.

38. What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them?

She doesn’t/can’t really collect stuff, survival mode, y’know.

39.  Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find?

No? Her fight isn’t after something material.

40.  Where does your character feel the most at home?

I think I’ve tried answering this before and couldn’t answer, probably at her Uncle’s place though, because it has the best memories for her.

41. Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

I think yes, as she’s keeping her identity a secret. As a result I’d say she tends to distance herself out of fear of slipping up that she’s related to the enemy. Her entire plan rest on being supported by a lot of people and the idea that where she comes from could hurt her chances of success would be stressful.

42. What does your character think is the true meaning of life?

Broooo, this too deep for 10:41am.

43. What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.)

lol, B.O. probably, she’s a preteen running around in the woods.

44. Does your character think more with their heart or their brain?

Heart.

45. What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare?

I don’t wanna be cliché and say the murder of her older brother and mother, or her fear of failing overall but… I’m gonna be cliche and say those are the two things she probably has nightmares over. 

46. What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.)

There are a lot of little, influential groups that she comes across and some of them live up to her expectations and others don’t. Overall, she has the opinion that any group in a position of power needs to do more harm than good, and act as both protector and provider to their people. That’s regardless of whether they’re just a random clan that walk around together, or the ‘police-type unit’ in this world, or the political rulers, she doesn’t care how small your reach is, if you rule - you better do it well.

47. How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends?

Pretty sure I’ve answered this before? Um, just recap I guess - she was born second heir to the throne on her world, spent her childhood hanging out with her Guard, learning and training under royal tutors and trainers. Fucked up along the way and got her ass banished, was sad, lived with her uncle who subsequently became her teacher for everything, and spent quality time with her brother as a result, she was then welcomed back out of banishment for a short period of time before she ‘defected’. And, technically, she’s still a child, so the contents of the book are her ‘growing up’ so to speak.

48. What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

Whether they’ll die before they achieve their goals. Morbid I know, but this is war.

49. What colors are associated with your character?

Blue, Black, Purple and White.

50. Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

Probably M or HH, both J and ME prove themselves to be able to get out of any situation on their own but sometimes HH can get overwhelmed or distracted and then can’t save himself and M has yet to prove herself as capable enough to handle anything that comes her way.

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 11)

All right, now that it’s been 4 months and I’ve read all the other things, I realized that it’s, like, 5 days until this book has been out for a year and I should probably get the fuck on with it, so. Here we are.

Part 11 encompasses pages 828-934 (previous parts)

me in July: I’m almost done! I can finish this!

me, now: sweet christ I have a smaller novel’s-worth still to get through lord let me live

Aw, damn, I left off on Interludes, but I DON’T CARE ABOUT VENLI, WHERE MY BOYS AT

oh SNAP I WANT THAT, the ability to speak and understand all languages???? GRABBY HANDS

ah yes the “the alethi enslaved us so we should rise up and kill them by enslaving ourselves to this other, more horrible godlike being” narrative. my favorite.

sigh

why we gotta EXTERMINATE people?

I’m tired. of extermination plotlines.

Maybe. Venli and her lil light spren will stop? the extermination!? I’m here for that!

“There was an art to doing laundry” HONESTLY THO, HAVE YOU MET COLLEGE-AGE BOYS WHO NEVER LEARNED HOW MUCH SOAP TO USE? AMEN.

oh.

I forgot about Mraize. 

like, literally, 100% forgot about his existence. sorry alyx.

eyy, we found Shalash!

HE WAS LOOKING FOR HER?? IT WAS A TRAP??

admiralakbar.gif

...Mraize has a babsk? I didn’t think he was Thaylen????

“A resistance is not what we caught you mounting.” UGH. PICK THE HAMMER, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

Why do I feel like this is a “HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR. BRING FORTH THE BEAR” joke?

yeessssssss, VENLI!!! TAKIN RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!! I CARE NOW. I WANT HER TO BE BETTER, I WANT HER TO WORK THROUGH. GIIIRRLL!!!!

HOW LONG WILL YOU VACILLATE?

YESSSSS

gr oss? Tha nk s? for the melting flesh images??

yelch

PART FOOUUUUUURRR

that’s. so many POVs. What is this, a GRRM book?

also none of the POVs are Bridge Four and. WHEN WILL MY BOYS COME BACK FROM THE WAR.

wait, I could have sworn the Alethi had been fighting the Parshendi for ten years?? but Dalinar is talking to Gavilar EIGHT years ago?

Did I miss smthn?

Did I conflate the Shattered Plains with the Trojan War? I’m confused.

Lisa has done Math for me and found out that it was only 6 years????????? Why did I think it was ten??? I COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS TEN????

“his job was to loom” heheheh

so... Dalinar is the nuclear deterrent and the nuclear threat all in one?

Dalinar, leaning into the mic: “The truth is... I am Iron Man.”

#Evideservedbetter2kForever

OH NO A BABY

TINY FIFTEEN YEAR OLD ADOLIN IS MAKING MY HEART SING

“I had this specially tailored” I LOVE HIM

OHHHHH

HE’S TRYING SO HARD TO IMPRESS HIS DAD I’M CRYING

“When censured, Adolin only tried harder.” I! LOVE! THIS! TINY! SUNLIGHT! BOY!

I wanna write fic where Adolin Kholin meets Luke Skywalker and the world literally EXPLODES IN SUNLIGHT AND SOFTNESS.

“Who could deny him?” CERTAINLY NOT ME, I WOULD DIE FOR ADOLIN KHOLIN TOO GOOD TOO SOFT FOR THIS WORLD

me, squinting: “which Herald is Ahu?”

my running method is to just suspect everyone of being a Herald. At some point, I’ll have to be right.

WHICH! HERALD! IS! AHU!

HE’S TALKING ABOUT THE UNMADE LIKE HE KNOWS THEM PERSONALLY, TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY LET THEM IN. WHICH!!! HERALD!!! IS!!! AHU!!!!

LISTEN, I JUST WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE HERALDS. GIMME A BOOK ABOUT THE HERALDS, BRANDON!

GIMME THAT JUICY GOOD BACKSTORY, BRANDON!!!

me: why is there a map with the sea but Kholinar is on it???

two seconds later: OOOHHH DUH IT’S SHADESMAR

wack y fun!

ARE DREHY AND SKAR OKAY???? THEY DIDN’T COME WITH???

ARE THEY OKAY?

OH NO OH NOO I’M GONNA WORRY AOBUT THEM FOREVER

Adolin, say hi to your swwooooorrdddd

....the Oathgate has souls?

what?

Fearspren: gross.

I knew they were all bigger on the inside, as it were, but. #yikes?

“Kaladin’s not well.” “I have to be well.”

BRB SOBBING ABOUT KALADIN

I’M!

HE’S SO STRONG

I’M! HELP!

GIANT CLAW? UNMADE!!?? LET’S KILL IT. IDK IF WE CAN BUT CAN WE TRY??

“sword lady” HEH

ok well, at least we know Drehey is alive, since Shallain bumped into his soul, which is both TERRIFYING and REALLY COOL

YOU’RE NOT NOTHING, ADOLIN, YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND I LOVE YOU.

*long keening noises*

I FELL ON THE FLOOR

“Hey,” Adolin said. “It will be all right.” “I survived Bridge Four,” Kaladin growled. “I’m strong enough to survive this.” “I’m pretty sure you could survive anything. Storms, bridgeboy, the Almighty used some of the same stuff he put into Shardblades when he made you.” Kaladin shrugged. But as they walked onto the next platform, his expression grew distant again. He stood while the rest of them moved on. Almost like he was waiting for their bridge to dissolve and dump him into the sea. “I couldn’t make them see,” Kaladin whispered. “I couldn’t...couldn’t protect them. I’m supposed to protect people, aren’t I?”

GUESS WHICH PART BROKE MEGAN

GUESS WHICH PART DUMPED MY HEART ON THE FLOOR

ANYWAY, I’M CRYING

THISISFINE.PNG

“I’m frightened. I talk when I’m frightened.” I LOVE HIM.

ADOLIN’S HELOIGN HIM HE’S MAKIN HIM TALK TO DISTSRAT HIM AND MAKE HIM JEEP WALKING AND I”M

I LOV A SUNSHINE BOY

SO MUCH

...is Vivenna okay?

oh shiiit, Adolin is? king????

sort of? almost??

oh man, he’s gonna be SO GOOD AT IT!!!! LOOK AT HIM TAKING CHARGE AND TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE. HE’S SUCH A GOOD LEADER, HE’S GOING TO BE SOOOOOO GOOOOOOODDD AT THIS!!!!

that chapter was a Lot

OH NO A SZETH CHAPTER

I’ve only been asking for this for tHE WHOLE BOOK

but now I’m gonna be MORE SAD

.......idk how I feel about the soul-after-image thing. it’s interesting, but I’m still a lil weirded out by Szeth...you know...being alive?

huh. Vasher knows about the magic fish? So....does this validate Lisa’s theory about the fish and the birds from that other cosmere thing I can’t remember bc I haven’t read it?

holy shit, that’s a LOT of skybreakers.....

...who have been around the WHOLE TIME???? WTF

So...Szeth can hear the Spiritual Realm.....and is going to bond a spren, of the Cognitive Realm...and is in the Physical Realm... so does that make him the Avatar, Master of All Three Realms?

(while he may have a lot to learn, I believe that Szeth can save the world)

hm. they’re so...regimented. militaristic. ritualized. They’ve got tests and rules for getting in and it’s all very well-put-together. and it’s WEIRD compared to everyone else stumbling into their Ideals. Is this what is was like before the Recreance? or is this just the Skybreakers being Skybreakers?

why are there kaladin flashbacks in the dalinar book, why, brandon, why must you hurt me in this way

Brandon: *mentions Tien* Me, softly: “no”

HE REALIZED HE COULD KILL AND THAT’S WHAT TERRIFIED HIM

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I’M EMOTIONAL AND KALADIN IS SAD AND I’M UPSET

Also, Syl just. grabbing his arm and snuggling him is VERY GOOD, SHE IS VERY GOOD, AND SHE SHOULD BE WORSHIPED FOR BEING SO VERY WONDERFUL

“It cannot be holy. If it truly were, it would have burned me away long ago.” I’M SAD NOW, THANKS.

I have weird emotions about people losing their faiths, and Szeth’s character arc has been particularly. compelling to me.

“Here’s what you have to do: fight him and win!” has the same energy as that obnoxious Assassin’s Creed “tip” that’s like “the trick to staying alive to is get your enemy’s health bar to zero while keeping your above zero” and I’M SO PLEASED.

ooohh shit

he drew Nightblood

which I feel is NOT RECOMMENDED

# Y I K E S

Skybreakers take the “lawful” part of DnD alignments to a very unhealthy extreme

tbh they’re a lil fucked up, ngl

Skybreakers make me uncomfortable, is what I’m saying.

“he had never mastered the ‘sleep anywhere’ skill the grunts bragged about” NEERRRRDD

WHEN WILL ADOLIN REALIZE HE’S A REALLY GOOD LEADER??? SOMEONE TELL HIM, I WOULD BUT I’M TOO FAR AWAY.

oh that makes sense

I was confused for a hot second about how Vivenna knew Adolin’s kata, but she probably learned it from Vasher who...also...taught Adolin. Duh.

“I’m just a woman who has been constantly out of her league since adolescence.” Viveennnnaaaaaa, darling. You’ll be all right.

also that makes total sense--the Horneater Peaks? If they’ve got a portal, it makes sense they’re so much more in tune to the spren. Easier border crossings.

PEOPLE live in this realm? What the??

I don’t know Nazh, but the fact that he has an embarrassing tattoo due to Horneater lager bad decisions DELIGHTS ME

hm. idk why I’d sort of assumed that Dalinar went to visit the Nightwatcher before Gavilar died, but. maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it was a consequence of Gavliar’s death. 

“the other one” GET FUCKED WITH A CACTUS, PAST!DALINAR 

OOHH

SOFT BOY

Renarin is such a Good

also, Dalinar HUGGING is SO GOOD KEEP DOING THAT THAT WILL HELP

“Humans, you must stop your emotions. They are very inconvenient here.” I think, Pattern dear, that Shallan rather thinks emotions are inconvenient everywhere.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

HERE WE ARE AGAIN

ANGER IS ALWAYS THE FIRST STAGE OF DEPRESSION

HELLO, KALADINMEGAN BRAIN, IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU WERE SO NEATLY SPELLED OUT BUT HERE WE ARE AGAIN

“You’re not angry at anyone, you’re just looking for something to latch onto. Something to feel.” To stave off the darkness of unfeeling and anger is easy. It’s irrational and warm and so easy. So it’s always the first one to go.

“It would continue until numbness seemed preferable.” GOD YUP. THERE IT IS.

It’s still really validating and really, really unsettling to see your brain problems spelled out so succinctly.

oh lord

“Men he loved, killing each other.”

I’M UPSET

(and the very tiny garbage part of my brain goes, ‘see he LOVES Moash’)

ADOLIN TAKING THE REARGUARD BECASUE SOMETIMES KALADIN NEEDS LOOKING AFTER I’M EMOTIONAL

Syl had a different Kaladin before Kaladin?? Wild.

and GOD but the symbology of the LIGHTHOUSE in Kaladin’s chapter. I’m. <3

EEEYYYY NAVANI!!!

she made them carry their own chairs, GOD THE MEANING BEHIND THAT, I LOVE HER

“Elhokar and Adolin are safe somewhere.” ABOUT THAT....

LOPEN, PLS

Bridge Four’s unwavering belief in Kaladin is SURE A THING. I love them SO MUCH.

also, god, MY BOYS, here they are, eating all the food and being ridiculous losers at a formal event I HAVE MISSED THEM SO

god, fuc you Ialai. ofc she didn’t carry her own chair, fukin JERK

good to know the assholery of the Sadeas name is being upheld, even after his death

god, every time Taravangian is mentioned, my gut just clenches, he makes me SO NERVOUS

GOD YES OH MY GOD, LIFT VS ROCK EATING CONTEST PLS GIMME MORE

I have forgotten that I love Sebarial. Petition for him to show up more often.

OH GOOD HE’S HAVING A BAD DAY. EXCELLENT. HE’S MUCH BETTER WHEN HE’S STUPID

...unless he’s super smart today and just pretending to be stupid.

fuck

IT’S SO HARD TO TELL WITH HIM ARGH

ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE DISCUSSION OF INVADING SHINOVAR WHEN SHINOVAR IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT DOESN’T HAVE A REPRESENTATIVE AT THIS COUNCIL???? JUST ME? OKAY.

also they keep talking about Shinovar as a redoubt and a haven, but....didn’t the Everstorm--going the wrong way--destroy Shinovar? Has anyone checked??

Navani is so clever and it’s brilliant.

“Taravangian was talking about having you tour Vedenar personally”....alone....so he can MURDER YOU. BAD IDEA. ABORT MISSION.

KALADIN HAD AN OLD LADY SLAVE FRIEND WHO DIED AND I’M SAD AGAIN DAMNIT

“He’s got battle fatigue. We have to watch him when he’s sitting around doing nothing, not when he’s got a specific mission.” MMMMMMHHHMMMMMMM

the future is forbidden, but not to Truthwatchers, sooooooo... is. this “Oracle”. a.......... Herald? PERCHANCE.

(He’s not, but I AM SUSPICION INCARNATE)

Weren’t they lying at the beginning and saying that Shallan was an Elsecaller? Because Odium thinks she’s an Elsecaller for some reason. And I wonder...who he’s spying through and where his attention is focused and who told him the lie?

KALADIN JUST WANTS TO SAVE HIS DAD IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK

aight, which world does canned food come from? How far ahead is the mistborn world whose name I can’t remember right now but it begins with an s SCADRIAL YEAH THAT ONE how far ahead is Scadrial in technological progression? Where does the Stormlight Archive fall on the mistborn timeline?

ADOOOLLIINNN. TALK! TO YOUR SPREN!!!

THEY DON’T KNOW??? THE BOYS DON’T KNOW? HOW THEIR MOTHER DIED?

HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW?

oh my god

that

god, that’s a huge lie to believe for so, so long. ohhh my goddd

someone has been writing down all the Unmades’ names, right? So I can look them up in the Coppermind later and be confused and try to work out which is which and what they do and how terrified I should be of them? cool thanks.

HELLO DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND

HE’S GONNA TELL US SECRETS!!!!! ARE THEY USEFUL!? WILL I LEARN THINGS ABOUT THE HERALDS!!!!??

I have one (1) priority in this establishment

...why does Syl have color

who is she

also LIGHTSPREN/REACHERS??? COOL AS FUCK OMG

“You don’t fly, you fall the wrong way.” Hehehehehehe <3

I HAVE MISSED KALADIN’S SELF-DEPRECATING JOKES THAT ARE FUNNY BUT ALSO VERY PAINFUL god, I love him. I love him so much. idk if y’all know this about me.

...ok, but the punny banter between Kaladin and Shallan is SO NICE Why do they have to be mean to each other so often why can’t they just be terrible sarcastic pun buddies?

“In that polished breastplate and striking figure, with her talk of chasing bounties and traveling worlds. She’s deeply mysterious.” CAREFUL, SHALLAN, YOUR BI IS SHOWING.

“The feeling was friendship, but neither of them had ever experienced it.” 

NOPE

NOOOOOOPPEE

WHO WANTS TO BET THIS SCENE IS SHIP FODDER DEAR LORD

Kaladin, darling, that shit is SO UNHEALTHY, DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS

god

also like. darling. no. “I wish I didn’t have to care” DARLING ALL YOU DO IS CARE WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT CARING

THIS IS GOOD FOR NEITHER OF YOU STOP

DO NOT ENCOURAGE THAT IN HER AND DO NOT WISH THAT FOR YOURSELF, jesus

lord, ok, well, I’ve read 100 pages, so on that disappointing character note, I’m going to go to bed.

[gamercock]

mushroom island, ice spikes, and coral reef!!

minecraft biome themed ask game!

MUSHROOM ISLAND - a cool fact about yourself! uhhh I’m tryna think of something about me that’s cool … I’mmm trying to DM a DnD game with some friends and I’m both SUPER excited because it’s set in my own universe and I have all this cool worldbuilding set up but also SUPER terrified because I’ve never DMed before and I really don’t want anything to go horribly wrong!

ICE SPIKES - what’s your dream job? Aw man, I don’t even know. Are we talking dream job, or “job I’d like that’s also even slightly feasible”? For dream job, I wanna make videos/streams of me and my friends playing video games or just dicking around and make enough money off of it that we can travel the world and record that too!

CORAL REEF - why do you love minecraft? A better question is, why wouldn’t I? Seriously, I literally grew up on this game. I was playing it before peaceful mode, or creative mode, or superflat worlds … I was playing it back when night had no fucking natural light and was completely pitch black, back before The End was implemented. So it has a ton of sentimental value for me. Not to mention, it’s just such a genuinely good game? From a technological standpoint it’s fucking groundbreaking ha because it’s a MASSIVE game and yet can run on mobile? Anyone can play it, however they want. It’s a damn-near infinite world with damn-near infinite possibilities. It can be calming and therapeutic or thrilling and scary. You can build treehouses or mansions or carve out subterranean cities. You can conquer beasts in full armor with a sword, and slay a dragon from another dimension. You can fly about with limitless resources and make up your own complex lore for each village you find.

Also nothing and no one in minecraft is straight.

Sorry this got so long! I’m really passionate about this game lol I fuckin love it aLSO thank you so much for the ask! I love getting these!!

[hq-crew]

Fantasy Haikyuu Quest + Video Games = HAIKYUU DND

(Consider this my apology for being late and missing a day)

"I don't mind your teammates, Shouyou, but why did you drag me all the way over here for…math board games?"

"C'mon Kenma, it'll be fun! It's just like video games, but with more imagination! I'll let you use my super lucky dice!"

Shouyou would say it was the super lucky dice that pushed Kenma over the edge. Kenma would say it was the hope that poured from Shouyou's eyes like sunlight and the fact he couldn't possibly say no then. It'd be like kicking a small puppy. 

"…Fine."

Even though part of the reason he enjoyed video games so much was the lack of interaction with people, he was going to let himself be talked into this because he couldn’t say no to Shouyou. 

"Yay!!! This is going to be great! I'll call Aone-san!"

That’s roughly how Kenma found himself sitting opposite a very demonic assortment of dice, small tokens, a badly drawn map marked with a series of strange things and...was that a plush bird? Next to Kenma was an unbearably large white haired guy Kenma recognised as being from Datekou ("Aone" had been all he'd offered by way of introduction, and Kenma frankly did not feel like prying), and on his other side was Shouyou who was wearing a small paper circlet practically dunked in glitter.

("My sister made it for me when I told her we were playing magical adventures, and I didn't wanna say no", god could he get any nicer?)

Next to Shouyou there was Karasuno's setter (whose eyes had not left Kenma since he'd sat down and now Kenma was actually beginning to sweat), then a guy from Aoba Jousai (their ace, but his name escaped Kenma and he was scowling a little too much to ask) and then on the other side of the table was one of Karasuno's second years who reminded him, just in passing, of Fukunaga.

"Alright settle down! I'm Ennoshita," ah that's his name, "and I'll be your dungeon master for this evening! Because we've got some new players, let's remind everyone where we left off!"

We begin in the forest, just outside the great floating city of Fukurodani, our heroes - the paladin Shouyou, the ranger Kageyama, the barbarian Iwazumi, and the monk Aone - are on their quest to gain knowledge about an ancient relic that could help them slay the great demon Oikawa…

(Wait, why was the ace from Aoba Jousai laughing? And was this guy just using names of the teams he'd played?)

Whilst walking they encountered the sorcerer Kenma (Kenma had naturally read up on all the classes and power sets last night in a furious anxiety-riddled attempt to understand what he was coming up against), who was also looking for the means to defeat a craft cat demon who'd taken over his hometown. Together they all continued on to the floating city where they encountered a strange landmark…

"Roll perception!" A furious flurry of dice-rolling followed. "Okay," Ennoshita checked his clipboard (which he was using as a makeshift shield for all his plans) "Kenma can see the stone is secretly a puzzle! However, if you fail to solve the puzzle… you'll all be cursed forever!" Shouyou and Kageyama gasped, horrified. "So Kenma, what are you going to do?" "I…solve the puzzle?" "Roll for it! You may have just cursed all your teammates because that puzzle requires a-oh my god you solved it. How high is your intelligence anyway?" "Yay for Kenma! Let's go into the city!"

They enter the city and after Iwazumi forced the tavern keeper to spill his guts ("Spill it or I'll spill them for you!" "Roll intimidate. Wait don't bother, he gives up") they learn of a mystical mage Akaashi who hold the secret to the path to the Relic of Extra-Terrestrial Power but first the heroes must fight his winged gatekeeper Bokuto! (Kenma snorted out a laugh at that one)

A series of disastrous failures followed, including Kageyama's arrow not only missing Bokuto entirely but also hitting a small bird (whose death Ennoshita acted out dramatically using the small red-headed black birdie plushie on the table), Iwazumi's attempt to strike resulting in his ridiculously overpowered magic sword literally being embedded into a stone, and Aone and Hinata's coordinated throw which left Hinata now in the tree that once housed the aforementioned dead bird. Kenma - whose initiative had been pitifully low - watched his teammates struggle against the terrifying owl-god (and he swore he heard triumphant hooting in the distance) and began thinking. What was the pattern here? How do you beat Bokuto?

All of a sudden Kenma was hit with a beautiful, stupid idea.

"I pick up the bird."  "You what?"  "The dead bird. I pick it up." "…Okay…" "I say 'Bokuto-san look at this'," "...Okay.…" "Bokuto san looks at the bird," "…Yep, he would do that…" "Bokuto-san faints." "Whoa whoa whoa what?" "Bokuto-san can't stand dead things. He can't do dissections in class, he can't stare at dead animals on the street, he can barely tolerate his own blood let alone that of another creature."  "…well…I mean…" Ennoshita rolled some dice, before looking at Kenma with a mixture of apprehension and approval. "Bokuto-kun failed the constitution check! His eyes roll back into his skull and he faints! You guys win the challenge! The mage Akaashi will speak with you now!"

Our heroes - with the wisdom of the mage Akaashi - were now one step closer to defeating the Demon King!

[that-cheer-up-anon]

oh great

starting to get anxious about school and the shop again

bc I’ve got uni tomorrow, and I’m the main shop keeper, but without my little sister here to cover for me, we’re gonna have to change the shop schedule or something and I don’t want to make an announcement on the shop’s facebook bc 

1. I don’t know much about facebook and hate doing anything on it 2. My little sister before announced that I would make a physical sheet addressing any planned early closing/schedule changes, and I have not bc I have no planning skills whatsoever and the mere thought of doing it terrified me for some reason

so I’m gonna have to make an announcement and I hate having to come up w announcements bc I’m afraid I’m gonna say it wrong

and as if that wasn’t enough I don’t have my new school stuff, and I hate doing everything on my laptop bc I’m too easily distracted and I don’t trust myself w anything

I actually want to go to the lecture tomorrow, even if it’s the only thing I have at uni that day, bc I feel like it’s important, and also sometimes the lecturer takes longer than the recording and I’m scared of missing out on information. Also getting outside does me some good, and actually being on campus makes me feel more productive and focused.

but WHATEVER bc this shop is restricting me from doing ANYTHING I want to do! like if I have the urge to go on a walk CAN’T DO THAT! I’m always paranoid about having a toilet break bc I’m the only one taking care of the shop and it’s happened like 3 times! Can’t do any livestreams (which I want to do more of) bc if a customer comes, my livestream comes to a halt and is boring for any viewers. let alone even just doing digital art, bc it takes up desk space in the shop which I need for placing the customers items before bagging them. cooking becomes stressful bc what if a customer comes in while I’m cooking? and then I get a paranoid of that. what if I leave the stove on and then it catches fire? and the house catches fire? 

I CANNOT HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE! and the only social thing I have outside of church activites is the occasional dnd session, which my mum doesn’t care about and doesn’t think should be a priority in my life. Which like, fair enough, it’s just a game and friends. you can play games and go w friends any time you want whatever. BUT NOT ME! also dnd takes planning! planning for peoples schedules! and is a story! and if I miss out I’ll miss story development and chances for my character to develop in fiction! also now I’m the dnd dj and sound effects person! AND IS LITERALLY THE ONLY SOCIAL THING I HAVE OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL AND CHURCH ACTIVITIES AND I NEED A BREAK

I”m just 

ARUHGSA;DLK;ASVNDLAHKDG’SVNS;HF’AHFDA

NOBODY FREAKING TALKS! NOBODY COMMUNICATES! NOBODY HAS ANY SENSE OF ORGANISATION EXCEPT FOR MY LITTLE SISTER WHO IS GONE! AND NOBODY WANTS TO TALK TO PARENTS BC WE DON’T REALLY LIKE OR FEEL COMFORTABLE W THEM! AND PARENTS DON’T TELL US ANYTHING BC OF POOR TIME MANAGEMENT

whatever enough ranting. I’m just angry and anxious now. maybe I should stay home tomorrow instead of going to the lecture. 

I never wanted the uni anxiety back.

I can’t deal w all this. being the main shop keeper and having that impact my schooling, and just everything about uni, and then my depression and anxiety, and my emotional state taking hits from missing my little sister which is still pretty raw and still trying to get over

FRICK THSI IS BAD! MY LIFE RIGHT NOW IS PRETTY BAD! AND I KEEP FEELING GUILTY! AND BEATING MYSELF UP FOR EVERYTHING! AND I HATE THIS! FREAKIGN

I just wanna cry. and sleep. I need to sleep.

[shakeurspeare]

hi i feel really dumb about dating and it’s making me pretty sad but also I found someone who feels the same and we’re probs gonna drink about it this weekend so that’s nice to look forward to 

so like. in middle school my logic was that I feel equally attracted to guys as to girls so obviously I’m bi, right?? bc when i thought about it at the time like I could definitely see myself being close to girls and guys were just this mystery group but like sometimes i got crushes i think so that made the most sense

and then in high school i realized that the reason i’m equally attracted to guys and girls is that i’m actually not attracted to either haha whoops and i haven’t actually wanted to date any specific guys since like early elementary school (and does that really even count???) so i guess I’m ace and homoromantic bc that makes the most sense

so then i get to college and a couple people have asked me out in the past few years but mostly I avoid people who might make a move or like... act differently until I’m positive they don’t wanna ask me out anymore. and that’s fine. I don’t have time to figure out my issues with vulnerability and why the thought of sex freaks me out like nothing else. I have friends and i’m not too lonely and things are fine

but THEN last year i met this guy at band camp. literally within the week i was determined that this kid is gonna be my friend, god dammit. He’s kinda quiet, kinda solemn, but sarcastic and funny and really nice and willing to do a lot for everyone, including strangers and people who have done him wrong. he’s into magic and dnd and overwatch and pro-gaming but he also is very aware of the issues within the communities and he’s very outspoken about all kinds of equality. basically, he’s a funny liberal nerd who has good fashion sense and cares a lot about other people. i’m going off on a tangent because i’m dumb and i don’t give myself many opportunities to gush about him

so we become friends (it’s slow-going, there’s a lot of times that i’m worried he’ll think I’m hitting on him or being creepy, a few times where i feel like i overstepped because i’m an anxious idiot who doesn’t actually know how to pursue a friendship that doesn’t come naturally and he naturally assumes that people don’t strongly want to be his friend) and by the end of the season we’re close enough that we’ve made a group of four to room together for a band trip.

last spring i realized that like... i really wouldn’t mind dating him. it’s just a small thought in the back of my head. the thought of sex still terrifies me, that’s still out of the question, but i like, want to hold his hand and be able to tell him he’s cute and i love when he dorks out and i love that he has all these random history and mechanical knowledge that makes its way into our conversations. but i’m also 1000% down to stay friends, in fact that’s preferable because I don’t know the first thing about being in a relationship, and it took so long to get to being friends that there’s no room in my mind to think that he would want to date. we also talk a lot about his dating life because he’s had some bad relationships in the past and he doesn’t think he’s good at it and it’s something that’s on his mind a lot. but he’s mentioned enough about his dating preferences that i have sincere doubts that he’d like me enough to get over his dislike of dating friends. so we’re fine, and I stop thinking about it

i sublet his apartment from him for the summer and we see each other probably two weeks total out of the summer break; sometimes he comes back to the apartment for events going on, i go to his hometown for a festival, we meet somewhere in the middle to see a dci show. but we’re texting every day, usually something near morning time and a decent conversation in the afternoon/evening and it’ll go into the night when (usually) i fall asleep in the middle of a conversation that i’ll respond to the next morning. rinse, recycle, repeat. i haven’t enjoyed texting someone so frequently, like, ever. near the end of the summer we talk on the phone a couple times, because he’s more stressed about things and he has like an hour and a half commute around the same time that i get out of lab and it’s a lot easier to call than for him to use talk-to-text. it’s nice.

band camp this year was super stressful. we’re both on staff so we spend a lot of the day separately handling things and getting to know people and doing what needs to be done, then we’d get (second) dinner after that and chat. he doesn’t feel like he can fill the previous section leader’s shoes. i’m optimistic and i believe that the staff are rough but manageable. we spend about ten days going to bed at 1 or 2, waking up at 6 or 7, and spending the rest of our time running around and playing music and getting to know 10 new members and welcoming back the other 20 members of the section. it’s tiring; we both got sick during it and tbh i don’t think either of us are 100% over it

i start spending a lot more time at the apartment, even though i have a job at my dorm. at some point i’m pretty sure i was sleeping over 3 or 4 nights a week. i would go a whole weekend without stepping foot in my dorm. we start getting more touchy. it’s small at first, but it gets to the point where we’ll do that hand touching thing that i really like, where we just put our hands together and fiddle with each other’s fingers (i don’t actually know what to call it, it’s just me fiddling and twitching but with the bonus of human contact) or he’ll give me a shoulder rub because i seem stressed. but also sometimes he’ll pull away suddenly or i’ll try to give him a shoulder rub and he’ll make a joke “you know how i feel about being touched” and he’ll move away. and i do know how he feels about being touched: it’s something that, other than some casual touches (a hand on the shoulder, that sort of thing), he only does with someone he’s dating. but also he’s initiating a lot of this, so maybe he’s branching out from that ideology? or maybe he’s interested in me? or maybe he just doesn’t know how to tell me that he’s super uncomfortable with me touching him and he really would like us to go back to not touching??? so i spend a few days stressing that i’m being a mega creep before he starts a convo about it and explains. us being touchy is nice but he feels like he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too because it’s something he’d only do with someone he’s dating and sometimes he does it and it’s like 30% unconscious and that wigs him out

so obviously the answer is that we (essentially) stop touching and that could be that but i’m dumb and i want to double check so i ask if it’s because he doesn’t want us to date and he says yeah, us dating really isn’t in his plan and sorry if that’s hurtful, and i could also leave it there but i’m like, a super masochist and i like being on the same page with people so i tell him that us dating has been a possibility on my mind and that i’d like to take a few days to like back off and firmly tell myself that we aren’t dating and we won’t be dating and to chill tf out, but i wanted to let him know that’s what i’m doing so i’m not like, backing out of being friends

and we’re both miserable for a week, bc when i try to go back to business as usual he’s acting weird and distant and my immediate assumption is that he decided that i am, in fact, a creep and he no longer wants to be friends with me but dammit, he could at least tell me that instead of looking sad and distant and not talking to me unless it’s band related

so i give him a couple days of that, and we do a campus scavenger hunt together because we had signed up for it before everything crashed on us and we were going to pretend everything is fine, god dammit, except it was awkward and he was sad the whole time and i was hurt and frustrated, but we won like 5th place or something so that was cool

and once the weekend’s over i text him something vaguely along the lines of “so are we still friends or nah” and he tells me he’s been isolating himself and he feels like everyone is better off without him and he needs to stop holding me back and nobody needs him so he should just let us all go. like he’s not suicidal but he’s depressed and bad at realizing people like him. so i go to the apartment and for the first time in like six months i knock on the door because i told him i was coming over but i also feel like he has a right to yell at me to go away through the door if that’s what he’s feeling

but he lets me in and he tells me he should just get out of my way because i don’t need him and i tell him that he’s right, i don’t need anyone. this isn’t about need. but i sure as hell enjoy having him as a friend and i’ve been miserable this past week when that was taken away from me, and he just told me he’s been miserable too, so why the fuck should we both be miserable when we could just stop being dumb and be friends again

but also now we’re both miserable (for external reasons, mostly) and i don’t want to stop hanging out so much because i feel like we both need it, but i also need to stop because it doesn’t seem to bother him but it sure as hell has me confused because i can’t stop thinking that we might as well be dating but if we were dating then i’d actually get to hug him and cuddle and tell him i love him

and i feel like he doesn’t really have other people to hang out with and i don’t really feel like i have that either and maybe that’s all the more reason for us to back off a little bit more but i don’t want to. i’m very weak and tired and i just want someone to hug me for 30 minutes and it’s not going to be him and i don’t think it’s going to be anyone rn so i’m just constantly sad and in need of a hug that will never come

i think i need to have another good sob session on someone but i’m fresh out of people that i’m comfortable doing that to, both in the sense that i don’t want to be vulnerable enough to cry on anyone and that the one person i would be willing to do that to is someone who doesn’t need to hear all about how i can’t get the fuck over him