#tell you so it matters. if you give money to people causing IRL harm it matters. if you like something someone else personally hates and

[ziracona]

The huge amount of arguing going on between people about the impact of playing this terrible game is, while not an isolated or unusual event, a huge example of what a disservice it is to fiction to simplify positions to only either “Media doesn’t effect any behavior ever” or “Media utterly controls behavior.” Neither is a true statement, and if discourse hadn’t boiled down to the absolute worst polar opposite takes being ironclad flags of most people, shit like this would not happen on such a scale, at least from the people who you expected to be allies and hurt you most letting you down. It really needs to change.

[chordata-on-alterhumanity]

The Chordata Guide to Otherlinking

Hello! This is a guide written from my own experiences, and a tiny bit of consulting with other ‘linkers. If you can think of ways to improve this, let me know, and I’ll update the original post. This is Version 1.1.

What is otherlinking? What is a linktype?

Otherlinking is the active choice of identifying as something. This sounds very vague, so let’s have an example: Imagining yourself as a lion makes you more confident, so you like doing that frequently. Identifying as a lion becomes a part of your identity.

For many of us, otherlinking includes consciously taking on traits of out linktype (imitating/“fake it ‘til you make it” OR strengthening already existing traits by focusing on them through a linktype). This is a form of mindfulness training. For example: I would like to be as calm and collected as insert-fictional-character. In stressful situations, I think “How would they react?” and try to act that way by imagining myself as them. If this revolves around already existing traits, a linktype can help amplify those traits.

Let's get some vocabulary out of the way first, for everyone who comes across this and isn’t familiar with otherlinking.

● Linktype / Otherlink / 'link- A voluntary identity a person takes on. I.e. I identify as a woodpecker because I want to. This identity can be of a real existing or extinct animal or plant, a mythological being, a fictional being or person, an object, a concept, et cetera.

● Otherlinker - A person with a linktype.

● Otherlinking - The act of having a linktype.

● Copinglink / C'link - A subcategory of linktype. A copinglink is a linktype created for coping with trauma, stress, et cetera.

● Copinglinker - A person with a copinglink.

● Copinglinking - The act of having a copinglink.

Requirements

You might ask yourself: "I want a linktype. What're the requirements to get one?" Well, you already got all the requirements down. To take on a linktype, you need to want one. Whether you feel compelled to take one on, or you feel it could help you in some way, or you decide you want to try this just for the heck of it, it's all valid. You want, you can.

How?

This is the trickier part, and it varies from person to person. I will give a basic rundown. Adjust this for your personal needs where you see fit.

1. Find your being/thing/concept.

2. Examine your reasons for why you want to call this yourself.

3.a. Your reasons for wanting the linktype might already be enough to make the identity feel right.

3.b. If you don't feel yourself clicking with the potential 'link, and struggle with identifying as it, analyze it to find the traits that don't resonate with you. You can change parts of the 'link, or view it through a different lens to make it feel closer to home. I.e. For fictional characters, it can help to disengage from fandom interpretation, or canon characterization, and instead put your own spin on them.

4. Once you've established a connection, you can reinforce it if you want to. A linktype can feel very faint at the start, so here are some examples for what you can do to make it feel more 'You':

● Wear clothing you can associate with the 'link.

● Inform yourself about new hobbies that you can associate with your linktype. I.e. If your linktype is an archer and you've never tried archery before, see if you can find an archery range open to newbies nearby.

● If you are a visual artist, create drawings of your linktype in a way that relates to your irl person. I.e. Draw the linktype in your clothes, or in irl places you've been in person.

● If you're a writer, write something including your linktype in a way that relates to you. I.e. Include them in a story inspired by real life events that have happened to you.

● Make the linktype your social media profile picture.

● Let people know they can use the linktype's name as a nickname for you.

● Change your social media alias/username to be related to the linktype’s name.

● Talk to people who will treat you as your linktype (and not just view it as roleplaying).

Don't be ashamed of expressing yourself in fear of other people’s opinions. Unless you're dependent on them (for money, safety, or other physical and mental health needs), it doesn't matter what they think.

Caution

If at any point in your journey you notice that a linktype makes you feel worse about yourself than you do without the linktype (i.e. feeding into anger, self-hatred), stop it. These dangers can already crop up during the ‘link creation process. Here are ways to go about this, and possible causes:

● Stop engaging with it. This sounds very 'It'll go away if I ignore it long enough', but that's exactly it. A linktype should fade when you don't engage with it anymore. Don't approach this by thinking "I'm not allowed to think about this anymore", but instead, every time when your linktype comes up, acknowledge it, and replace that thought with something else. If you struggle with this, examine what 'triggers' you to think of your linktype. Mindfulness is a powerful thing that often goes underestimated.

● Replace it with a different linktype that doesn't bring these problems.

● If your linktype started off without these issues, try to find out what caused it to change to become negative. Maybe there are other factors in your life that're putting stress on you and it shows through your linktype.

● Maybe you’ve outgrown your linktype. People can change over time, and your linktype could be preventing you from taking the next steps for personal growth, and this can negatively influence your well-being. Try letting go of the linktype. It might turn out the be a freeing experience.

● Talk to a therapist (, or, if you can’t access therapy, an understanding friend). Yes, tell them specifically about the linktype and the problems you have with it. A second person can shine a light on aspects you didn’t notice.

Good to know

A linktype can become an integral part to yourself, and at some point you might find it hard to separate it from yourself. Is this still a linktype? Is it a kintype (otherkin)? That is for you to know and decide. The lines can be blurry, and at the end of the day you are the only person who can decide what labels you want to use and what community has the most in common with you (if you even want to label yourself and interact with ppl w similar experiences). Unless it is harming you (or others), a linktype turned integral is nothing bad. Our environments shape us as people constantly, and a linktype over time can contribute similarly.

🐟

That’s it! If you have questions or need help, feel free to contact me through Asks or DMs. If I’m unavailable, search around a bit to find other otherlinkers who might be able to help you. ♡

[gofancyninjaworld]

Meta: What rough beast slouches to be born?

Right, webcomic chapter 125 has raised quite a few questions about cyborgs and I purposely left it aside. Until now.  I’m sorry for the length, but I’m only allowed one ‘readmore’. :(

What we knew

Many moons ago for us, 9 or so weeks ago for them, Genos showed up at Saitama’s doorstep like a refugee from another world, telling a tale of destroyed towns, rampaging cyborgs, and desperate revenge quests.   It’s seemed rather far-fetched, particularly as not much has happened on that front.   Over the course of the story, we’ve had little bits of independent corroboration about the veracity of his story.  The town that he was born in was definitely erased from the map.  Yes, a cyborg is wanted in connection with the incident. 

But where is that guy? Does it have anything to do with the powered suit-flogging cyborgs seen early on the series? Does it have anything to do with the ‘glimpse behind the scenes’ chapter the manga offered us with Drive Knight (but no context as to how that glimpse fitted into the wider story)?  Come to that, where are all the cyborgs?

To start with, there are a lot of cyborgs of various sorts in OPM.  Quite a few moons ago, I wrote a bit about them, drawing a distinction between those who used parts to replace lost function and those who looked at it as a change of identity: “Is the Organization a Claw Analogue?”

 Chapter 125 has been surprisingly good about confirming some of what I surmised about cyborgs, but it’s brought some very good additional information!  On we go!

There are cyborgs; and then there are Cyborgs

Our ambassador through the world of cyborgs is new Neo Hero recruit Koko (Solitude), who modified his body for the world of cyborg fighting, only he was a little too successful and no one would bet on him.  We see him scanning various people and passing commentary on them.

The first to give him serious pause is Webigaza, who lost six months of life to getting her body modifications done -- no wonder she’s pissed off that her rival has self-destructed in the interim.

Koko is shaken by her having 71% of her body modified.

obsessive determination is terrifying to look at

Percentage body modification of the sort Koko is used to seeing, 30% maximum, you can do right here right here and now.  It’s equivalent to losing a leg and most of the other. Here and now, we can also do brain implants to control tremors or fits or some neurological conditions,  replace part of the heart, spine fusions, quite a few bits and pieces.  The sort of modifications Koko is used to seeing are very functional ones that make sense for someone looking to get an edge in fighting for money.  They’re also along the lines of what we’ve seen with One-Shotter or Death Gatling.

If you lose and replace all four limbs, that's 50% of your body modified. While quadruple amputees unfortunately exist IRL,  I don’t know if anyone has had the kind of money, physical fitness and pure grit to do that.  Nevertheless it’s not technically impossible. 60% sounds about right before you're now looking at breaking into the more vital parts of your body.  The point at which the risk involved just can't be justified in terms of restoring function or health. I’m emphasising that because I’m going to come back to this point.   He’s shaken because modifications that extensive aren’t about simply gaining an edge; they’re being willing to exchange serious bodily harm for serious power.  It says a lot about who Webigaza is.

Within the Hero Association, I think we do know a hero round about that 60% mark.  Jet Nice Guy comes to mind.  He sports an armored exterior, powerful artificial limbs (which will need internal reinforcement to not just rip up his body), but his innards are all human. After the way he started to bleed out after Nyan slashed him, I realised that the reason it looked like intestines when the Deep Sea King ripped him open is because they were... >.<  Sorry, dude. 

the worst of both worlds -- too modified to have an easy life, still too weak to deal with the real monsters that exist

Scary enough, but then the security staff come in to stop the kerfuffle that Koko and his buddy, Mars Leo, were causing.  Koko scanned them and was stunned into horror:

as disciplined and ruthless a pair of killers as you could never hope to lay eyes on.  Definitely not frothing at the mouth, these two!

These two have modified themselves so extensively they’re almost inhuman. 94, 95% body modification is equivalent to having only 3.5 - 4.2 kg of live mass left assuming an original live mass of 70 kg.  And, if the similar naming convention didn’t tip you off to it, it’s around the sort of hyper-extensive modification we see Genos having. [See under the readmore for a first-principles estimation I did a long time ago.]  Maybe Drive Knight too if he’s a cyborg.   What kind of power have they exchanged their human bodies for?  What kind of people are willing to do that to themselves? Koko is very sure that he does NOT want to know.

When he tells you who he is, believe him

That’s dating advice often given to ladies overlooking obvious red flags  but it goes with great force in OPM. ONE has characters tell us who they are early on, even if it doesn’t mean anything to us for a long time. 

And he’s had Genos be a particularly straightforward and truthful character.  He doesn’t always interpret things correctly, but he says it exactly as he sees it.  Looking at the way the high percentage cyborgs we’ve met thus far either be very inhuman looking or completely disguised as regular human beings,  he’s chosen an appearance that puts both his humanity and mechanical nature on display.

Something that the chapter has brought up that I've kept saying to people on the Discord and on Reddit: there is no medically justifiable reason for Genos to have a body as modified as he does.   Which Genos TELLS US for fuck’s sake.  His giant wall of text is a synopsis, no more and no less.

When he says that “...I asked Professor Kuseno to perform a procedure to modify my body. Then I was reborn as a cyborg for justice...”  (Viz)  “...I begged Dr Stench (sic) to transform me into a cyborg and I was reborn as a cyborg who fights for justice...” (Boon scanslations, who copied verbatim whoever did the webcomic version). It’s nothing to do with health.  Feel free to have whatever headcanons you like, but please don’t confuse them with the story.

But it doesn’t end there.  I look at Destro and Erimin and realise that there’s another perfectly truthful statement that’s been staring us in the face.

Genos knows. Why would he ask a mechanical engineer who uses a wearable battle suit and pilots armed drones to modify his body, let alone modify it to such an insane degree?  Because he knows that Dr Kuseno knows how to build cyborgs like the one who destroyed his town.

We don’t know if Destro and Erimin have any responsibility for the destroyed town, but someone of their ilk does.   Which brings us to a third nakedly truthful statement. When Genos talks of not believing that he could be defeated by anything other than the rampaging cyborg, he’s not anticipating winning because he’s suicidal.  It’s because he’s aware that if he’s throwing rock, so too is his enemy: mutual annihilation is the best he can hope for.

At least until he met Saitama. And started to hope for not mutual destruction, but victory (check the difference in chapter 108 of the webcomic).

a world away from the attitude of mutually-assured destruction he started with.

Stepping away from the text a bit, it casts a different light on why he’s been so desperate to learn from Saitama. Learning Saitama's secret is his balance-breaker. He wants something other than rock, that is guaranteed to smash whatever rock his enemy might throw.    But that’s not all there is.   As Garou said, once he discovered Blue Fire’s flamethrower, once you know how a freakish weapon works, you know it.  Any edge a new weapon might give Genos is liable to be studied and replicated  (see how quickly Dr Kuseno was able to reverse engineer and adapt the principles of G-4′s curving energy beams).   But Saitama’s strength is unphysical: no matter how closely you inspect his body, you can never relate the physicality of Saitama’s body to the power he can generate.  That unphysicality, that’s what Genos wants too.   It also puts in context why he’s been so fascinated by psychic power and wants to learn it if at all possible.

neat trick, I’ll take two!  Genos dodging G4′s beams in chapter 38, and putting the principle of them to good use in chapter 120

And finally, since in his world, knowledge is literally power, it gives yet another layered reason Genos is so determined to keep anyone else from becoming Saitama’s disciple.  If they learn his secret too, then the advantage he seeks will be lost.  (that it doesn’t work quite that way for Saitama is a fact for us to enjoy and for him to find out).

Nothing is as scary as a human being

Nothing is as scary as a human being is one of the things that Reigen says to Tome on occasion. It’s in full force in OPM.  Monsters may be strong, but they all live in the now.  Only a human being could have put together the Monster Association.   When it comes to cyborgs, their abilities may be inhuman but their thoughts, imaginations, morals and appetites are all 100% human.   It’s a terrifying combination.

There’s something I missed when I likened The Organization to a Claw Analogue. In Mob Psycho 100, the protagonists are children and they're fighting an organisation made up of over-grown children -- adults who have refused to grow up. In One-Punch Man, the protagonists are adults and the bad humans in the story are very much adults too.   With calculated cruelty and depravity to match. When The Organization bares its claws for real, this is going to get so brutal.

If Genos has not been standing still, then neither has his enemy.  From the manga, even if we hold Drive Knight blameless and independent of all this mess, his besting Nyan told us that cyborgs can indeed come crazy-strong and highlighted how much more work Genos had yet to do. It also highlighted how very clever and calculating cyborgs can be -- well, they’re human, duh!  If I was worried for his prospects then,  in the webcomic, Genos is nowhere near as psychologically, physically or emotionally ready as his manga version is.   And the guys who look to be his enemies aren’t going to be cutting him any slack.   They’re very real.  They’re not mad.  And they’re closer than he ever imagined.

Fighting monsters is barely adequate preparation for whatever it is that’s to come.

Whenever Genos gets dragged into whatever it is those cyborgs are up to  -- or runs into it, since he claims he’s still hunting the rampaging cyborg -- ‘rough’ doesn’t begin to describe it.

Extra Stuff

Edited from an answer I gave on Reddit to the question of how much of Genos was still organic about 2 years ago.  It’s unexpectedly relevant!

Short answer: by mass, under 10% , assuming he would have weighed  approximately 70 kg. By function, quite a bit.

 The long answer.

I’m going to write this starting from what is most readily observable and readily inferred to the least. In appreciation of this being a work of fiction that treats physical laws lightly, I too am taking a more-or-less approach and will keep technical terms to a minimum. I'm also not a medic and I don't play one on TV -- assume generous hand-wavium. Items in {curly brackets} are incidental notes you can skip.

Level 0: Canonically observable.  The least controversial observation is that Genos does have an organic brain. Genos does not live in a lab, but is able to live largely independently, including being able to eat whatever he likes with no ill-effect. Not just that, but he lives an active and hard-fighting life that appears to do him no permanent harm (I will return to this in a few paragraphs).  What can we take from this?

Edit: There is also ONE’s initial settings for Genos, which I quote here from the Hero Data Book

ONE: There's no need to visit Dr. Kuseno's place every time when his wrist break down, because he got his own spare parts at hand. Dr Kuseno's Lab is there In case for a big reparation job, a drastic upgrade or an examination.

It’s tempting to think that because we see that he definitely has a brain that’s all there is – the brain in a jar phenomenon, so to speak. Something a lot of people miss is that the spinal cord proper isn’t optional either -- it’s a core part of the central nervous system.  Spinal cords are a lot shorter than most people think they are, averaging 12 inches long for women and 15 inches for men.  The rest are nerve processes that can be cut and will regrow (within limits). We’re also happy to allow for nerves and their endings -- there must be an interface for the prosthetics so they're under the fine voluntary control that we see. However, that’s not all that there can be. The Cartesian mind-body duality is completely wrong when it comes to physiology. Our brains are intimately bound with our bodies and our bodies with our brains. So what does one need?

Level 1: Perfusion. This is the most obvious one. Without a blood supply providing oxygen, glucose and removing waste products from our brains, we have 4-5 seconds of consciousness available, 2-3 minutes in which we can escape brain damage and 8-10 minutes in which not to die. So, number one is a reliable blood supply.  Absolutely necessary therefore are a means of generating the various blood cells, perfusing and distributing them and disposing of damaged cells (red blood cells have a lifespan of 1-2 months). While not as acutely important, a self-sustaining blood supply is also the basis of a functioning immune system.  It's a bit of an oops moment when your super-killer cyborg catches a cold and dies.

Accordingly, bone marrow is essential as a source of hematopoietic (blood-forming) stem cells. A suitably reduced blood vessel and lymphatic vessel system is also needed to run the blood where it needs to go. {An awesome feature of living beings is that new blood vessels will be recruited to where they need to go and redundant branches pruned back, a process known as vascular remodelling}. A reduced liver and possibly spleen will be needed to appropriately destroy worn out blood cells. At least one functional kidney, in the role of producing the hormone erythropoietin, without which red blood cells will not be formed. Not essential: a heart and lungs, which he definitely doesn't have. How much blood is needed?  I’ll come to that answer once we’ve tallied how much body is needed.

Additionally, since part of perfusion is getting rid of metabolic waste, a liver and kidney will be absolutely indispensable.  

Level 2: Homoeostasis. A living organism has a very narrow range in which its internal environment, such as oxygen saturation, temperature, pH (acidity or alkalinity) amongst other things can vary without harm.

There are around 40 or so hormones, the signalling molecules that keep us going as functional concerns, regulating such things as blood pressure, salt/water balance, available energy, sleep cycle, body temperature, mood, immune system... the list goes on. Each has a stupid number of secondary functions and interacts with others in a ludicrous number of ways (note highly scientific language). Their levels vary and change on the order of seconds to hours. It's a good job that the main organiser of homoeostasis, the hypothalamus, is part of the brain. {Incidentally, this is why a brain-dead cadaver cannot be kept ‘alive’ on life support indefinitely – everything falls out of sync and eventually to pieces.} To do this artificially is to have your cyborg never leave the lab: if you're not constantly monitoring and adjusting levels, then they will die. Fortunately, as mentioned, a living, functional brain has the control network needed to keep everything working without the extensive and expensive effort. Just add air, water and food (in that priority).

At this point, we've already met most of the organs needed to maintain homoeostasis in their capacity of maintaining a blood supply. We need to add some bone, not just to serve as a niche (living environment) for the bone marrow and its stem cells mentioned previously but as a source and sink for minerals, the adrenal glands and the thyroid gland. Finally, one must not forget pancreatic islets -- or it'll be for nothing as he goes into a diabetic coma.

Level 3: Energy.   Speaking of food, a brain needs essential fatty acids for turnover and lots and lots of glucose for energy. It’s entirely possible to supply nutrients as total parenteral nutrion (TPN for short).  People whose digestive systems have completely failed get individually formulated TPN solutions, which requires that they spend several hours a day feeding it into their blood supply. Not something we see Genos do.  And yes, you heard it here: not everyone poops, but everyone sure as hell pees.  While a brain only weighs about 1.5 kg, it uses up about 500 calories a day as glucose, so 700 ish calories a day should suffice for all the needs of his live mass. This bears no relationship to the amount of food we see Genos put away on occasion. Why hasn’t he wrecked his liver in a matter of weeks? The answer would appear to lie in the artificial digestive system Dr. Kuseno has given him which turns food into biofuel. It must be patched into a feedback loop which allows it to only supply what’s physiologically necessary at any given time. Lucky for some!

Level 4: So how much body does that add up to exactly?  Nothing says you have to keep the necessary organs and blood vessel network the same size. With only a 1.5 kg brain to support, many can be shrunk a good 50% if not more. A total living mass of 7 kg would be quite feasible. We know from organ-on-a-chip experiments (and from unfortunate people who have lost part of their organs) that provided the essential architecture of the tissue is respected, they will work fine. Nothing says you have to keep them in the same place as the original organs were -- you can encapsulate it all in a can and shorten the nerves serving the organs to a more rational, manageable length. It's nice and compact and can be protected as heavily as the brain is.

Now we’re in a position to answer how much blood Genos has. There are about 70 ml of blood per kilogram of body weight, so at ~ 7 kg, we’re talking about 500 ml of blood. For comparison, the typical 70 kg person has 5 litres of blood. Why does this matter?  Because it allows us to answer a question many may be curious about: how often does Genos get hurt?

The answer is: Almost Never. With so little body, and with most of that body consisting of aptly named vital organs, even small injuries can turn catastrophic in no time.  Genos will bleed out with around 150 ml of blood loss, which is less than half of what is donated in a typical blood donation.  Horrible and dramatic as the smashes he gets into are, it’s more akin to a Formula 1 race car tumbling end over end and catching fire, only for the driver to walk out unscathed.  His cyborg parts are replaceable and can be sacrificed to protect what’s irreplaceable if need be.

[cs-discourse]

Let it Go

So I've been thinking about this lately, and it really bothers me. I notice a lot of people harp about "letting things go" on CS, but honestly that's a load of BS. If someone does something really awful to someone else, like bullying them when they're emotionally vulnerable, slandering them publicly online without sufficient proof, or straight up taking advantage of someone's suicidal thoughts or feelings to try and shame them or to inflict emotional damage on them, I don't think anyone has any right to tell the victim to "let it go." You wouldn't tell someone IRL to "let it go" if they were the victim of the same things happening to them in school.

People seem to still be confused that harassment and defamation are crimes. Cyberbullying is a crime. Slandering people is a crime. People don't take these things seriously because these issues very rarely get reported, but I can tell you right now that I know tons of users right off the top of my head who would have to pay a pretty penny if someone decided to do something about it one day.

These things have long term affects on people, and you have zero right to tell them to get over it, no matter how long it's been. Sitting behind a screen gives people a lot of gall to do or say stupid and harmful stuff that they would never say IRL. What makes me especially upset is how people tell other people to "get over it" when they STILL talk smack about that person years later. That's not how it works!

You don't get to bring something up every single day and then demand the person you are continuing to harm and bully that they should let it go. Especially not when YOU have caused them damages that they can never recover from. (Like being permanently banned from something, or losing 100s of dollars, or attempting suicide, etc etc.) That isn't okay! I know someone who has actually had to file a police report because people continue, over a year later, to slander them and claim false statements about them. I don't think they ever would have filed one if their bank hadn't told them to when they tried to get their money back over something. A lot of you, if not most of you, are adults. Time does not give you a pass for the awful things you did and continue to do. You have no right to request someone "let it go," when you continue to dehumanize, berate, insult and slander them. It's wrong. Just my opinion, but people on CS need to learn how to be decent human beings.

[susventingdolphins]

My sister no longer feels like a friend (No TL;DR, but if you want to get to the last breaking incident and skip the past context / events go to the bottom)

I (23) have these two friends I'll call them L (21) and X (23), L has been like a sister to me for 3 years. I still love her as one but so much has happened that I don't love her as a friend anymore. L and X I've helped with their mental health since I met them, L for 3 years I've been her on call pseudo friend-therapist trying to help her so she could eventually get professional help for herself. Its been non stop taking care of her and having friends around us favor her and abuse me and neglect me to force me to be the perfect "caretaker" for her by "toughening me up" L knew about this but shrugged it all off. L Rarely reciprocated with listening to me, when i did try to go to her she'd be judgemental and threaten me to force me into things I didn't want to do. So eventually I rarely went to her unless it was dumb friend sh*t and nothing big in my life. And even then it was only when I wanted to end my own life did I go to her. But she always blew me off and it was my husband who had to pull me back each time.

The major issues though? It started off last year First incident with L Blew off my past abuse out of no where, using her religion to push me into forgiving the man who sexually, physically and verbally abused me, gave my whole family ptsd, gave my mother physical scars, screwed up and ruined my one brothers knee, hurt me so badly that I live with constant physical pain as a result from too much force / physical trauma to my body. But L told me I had to forgive him that abuse is a cycle and only god can judge. When I told her to stop and told her she should know better as shes been through verbal abuse and emotional manipulation from both of her parents. She insisted I was being ridiculous by still hating him and having ptsd from him. Got angry and offended and told me again only god can judge and that im not allowed to or I'll go to hell. Second Incident with L She compared me to her abusive mother out of the blue when I was trying to help prevent L from ending her own life scared for her, all because she had insecurities and anxiety and outright admitted to me she let her imagination run wild and painted a completely different version of me in her own head, yet she still judged me for the actions of that imagined version things I never even did or said and she held them against me. Third incident with L She knows I have a fear of men bc of my PTSD, Men are terrifying even online for me, the older they are the worse it is. It causes me major panic attacks so I prefer to outnumber men with females and nonbinary friends when Im with new men so I don't feel overwhelmed. I like to take things slow with men. L however thought it was a good idea to throw me in a group chat with 5 men and just the two of us and to make it worse pressured and forced us into a voice call, acting depressed and hurt if I didn't join. She told me she was trying exposure therapy to help me get over it. I never asked her to do such a thing and I had a major panic attack. I got angry at her for this and she got defensive and angry and when I didn't let it go she then wanted to take her own life again. When I apologised to her for being mad and forced myself to let it go suddenly she was all rainbows and sunshine again. Fourth Incident with L I had a dangerous ex friend, who I couldn't leave bc they were threatening me and had found out my IP address. L knew this I spoke to her about this. I legally could do nothing bc it was JUST online they hadn't made a move yet so I couldn't get legal help. L forced me to leave that ex friend threatening to leave me as a friend if I didn't and assured me I'd be fine if I broke it off, told me I don't really trust her or love her if I didn't. Even though I told L of the risks and the fact I couldn't legally protect myself because even if the ex did do something cyber crimes are often brushed off in my town and laughed off unless she DOES leak the IP or my address (and often times thats still ignored until someone physically tries to harm me or stalk me). It doesn't stop her from leaking everything else about me. The ex friend then leaked all my emails, my social medias, my face, to people online, including to hate groups of asexuals, knowing I was ace, one of the biggest things I wanted to avoid. the IP didn't get leaked but the ex friend did threaten to leak it if I went against her again, I then had a lot of threats flooding my email address after. Now as for long standing issues over the past 3 years 1. She would always bring up how much she hated her skinny body when I felt insecure of being fat 2. She would always get mad at me for wanting to lose weight because she felt I was hating on myself by wanting to lose even one pound, told me god made me this way and I was being disrespectful if I change it, even when it was for medical reasons. 3. She insinuated a lot that I wasn't good enough for my husband that because I have depression he deserved better 4. She threatened me all the time to tell my brother who has depression, that I was suicidal and pile all of my own problems on him knowing it'd

hurt him if I ever ended my friendship with her, she'd do this whenever I got mad at her for anything. 5. She never accepted that she hurt me a lot, instead she'd either suddenly want to die every single time until I let it go or she'd try to gaslight me into making it all my fault she hurt me. I never could communicate with her. 6. she constantly criticised me for not having as easy of a time learning as other people and for being unable to grasp anything in math (except the basics) and science. She also constantly corrected and mocked and made fun of me for my punctuation and grammar and discouraged me from following my dreams to become an author. 7. Constantly got jealous about all my new friends and trash talked them 8. Flirted with my IRL big brother trying to lead him on and use him to cheat, when she was in relationships with other men and knew my brother was off limits. 9. Trash talked my mother no matter how many times I got angry at her for it. 10. Forced me to voice chat and do so often without breaks, even when I didn't want to though she knew I had major anxiety involving using my actual voice to speak (its linked to my social anxiety, its weird and I don't get it myself. But speaking physically genuinely mentally pains me to do) 11. Sent me monetary gifts even when I told her not to, and always joked about me owing her, and went on about how much money they cost her and how much of her money she had left. 12. All the gifts she did send me was things she liked that she knew I disliked and she got angry if I didn't fall in love with these things. 13. Would disrespect my s*x repulsion (part of my own asexuality. Its my side of the spectrum) and force me into uncomfortable topics talking all about her having s*x with her boyfriends. For those wondering why X is also a problem: through all these each time I asked him what to do when talking to L didn't work, X excused her behaviour and blamed and pinned everything on me for "not trying hard enough to be a good friend, not being understanding enough, not being patient enough. You know how L is, its just her nature! You should be putting more legwork in to make up for it, you know she loves you. would she put up with you if she didn't? She only wants what is best for you, give her a break. Shes doing this all for you. You have to take care of her! you owe her, she deserves it." ‼️LAST INCIDENT FOR THOSE WHO DON'T WANT TO READ ALL OF THIS‼️ then the most recent incident with her some context first: I take mental health breaks, I am bluntly honest about what im going through if asked if I trust someone. If you're not part of the problem I always let you know why im leaving even if I don't go into detail. This is something I've said and made clear numerous times over the years and even warn people about the day we become friends so they have time to back out if they can't handle a friendship that isn't constant messaging. L and X for the past 6 months have ghosted me and been cold towards me, responding maybe 1 / 20 times and always short and curt unless they needed help for something. The whole time I waited for them, I helped them even when I was having bad day after bad day, my own mental health was dipping which i informed them of incase I seemed cold after awhile and couldn't keep up being bubbly. But I kept trying to make their day sending cute little supportive messages constantly and checking up on them bi-daily when I knew it was particularly a hard week for them. I waited and waited thinking "They will talk to me when they need me or when they feel ready. It'll be okay, Whatever it is we can tackle it together" and this is also something I expressed to them, that I noticed something is wrong but I'm here if they need me whenever they are ready. That the option is always open and I loved them. Then they got colder and colder, they started making snide jabs at me all the time which I brushed off as them having a bad day every single time. They made jabs about every part of my personality being annoying, my appearance being annoying and treated my

looks with disgust, they hated every single thing I got into and liked and got angry if I didn't like every single thing they did, they found any reason to criticise me those 6 months every single day. And on my 3 year friendship anniversary with them they treated me even colder and picked a bunch of small fights with me throughout the whole day from what games i was playing, to my choice of clothes, to what I ate to how much and how little I spoke, everything was wrong wrong wrong. Then fast forward to 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago L started a huge fight with me L told me my depressive break downs were pity parties minimized and scoffed and laughed at them. She told me My husband only puts up with me and I don't deserve him and im abusive and toxic for having depression that because I don't get better it hurts everyone else that I can't be happy all the time and im toxic because I "choose to have depression" She told me Im abusive for taking mental health breaks that by taking them and walking away from all social media for a few days at a time, im "practically telling us we're not good enough and we're unloveable." and that I am toxic for taking breaks. Her words. Im toxic for being friends with people I've fought with in the past and "stupid, naive, retarded, foolish, cowardly" that I love the pain and bathe in it and thats why I never get better. That im a "sh*tty friend for being depressed" told me to just willpower away my depression and anxiety. She told me I deserved to be depressed and have anxiety, told me I brought it on myself, told me my past didn't matter that my PTSD is my own fault, told me I never had to be perfect (I did in the past as a kid have to be to avoid being given to an abusive criminal bc he had this town wrapped around his finger into believing he was innocent as can be, this is something that lasted with me from I assume PTSD, I strive to be perfect to fix all my flaws I possibly am able to, and hide most of my negative emotions. This has never ever effected how I treated others, only how I treat myself. It also is something I've tried for years to snap out of but never been able to manage to.) and that im no ones saviour (never said, acted or claimed I was) and to stop helping other people, told me im nothing and no one and no one cares about me. Told me I don't matter and no one would care if I did die that im insignificant. She told me she was hurt I don't talk to them how I feel about them and keep it to myself instead when she knows they are hurting me. She then compared herself to my ex friend who abused me for 6 years straight and numerous times had tried to drive me to suicide. She then told me It was my fault she has insecurities. When I told X all that happened X blamed me for it telling me I deserved it and everyone else was too cowardly and everyone was thinking it and wanted to do it to me. He then told me he loved me and wanted me to talk to him how I felt about him, so I was honest decided "Okay I must be in the wrong if they both are upset" I apologised to them both for everything they accused me of because I genuinely felt bad. L and I kept talking because I was trying to fix things, L told me that I X and Her "Know we aren't your only friends but it'd be nice if we were, I'd like that it'd make me so much happier" She told me that she feels like she has to change to a warmer person and im a bad person for her feeling that way because she feels like she has to match up to my energy because I get depressed when they ignore and ghost me for weeks on end that its just "how we are, its our nature. We're cold people" Then turned around in the fight to tell me I have to change and become colder, that they hate who I am as a person, they hate that im affectionate and get attached to people. L told me X and her have been talking behind my back, sent me logs of it of the two of them insulting and mocking me and told me they did it out of love and frustration and in those logs X had told L many of my secrets I trusted X with, he didn't keep a single one. I went back to

X deciding to be honest since they want honesty, and told him about what L showed me and that I didn't trust the two of them anymore after this and the things said were harsh and hurted a lot and a lot of it did feel inaccurate while some things were on the nose, and he told me he didn't want to be my brother anymore, told me I was a bad friend and I again deserved what panda did, then he ghosted me. After this all happened, I snapped and something clicked and changed inside and I felt cold towards them. Affectionate to those who actually showed me love, and happier again because I trusted L the most and she broke my heart. It felt like I hit an epiphany. I became a new person, I changed my name online, I cut off toxic friends, I patched things up with old friends, I communicated more about my feelings so there'd be no misunderstandings anymore with good friends because of my own anxiety and insecurities with them. I was happier I had really good friends by my side who love me. I was a new me, I found myself again and it felt like there was light again in a tunnel that has been long and dark since I was 12. Fast forward to 3 days ago and she messaged me again after us not talking since that incident. She apologised and I felt relieved, but thats not the end. Her apology took a very unexpected turn. She told me she was only sorry she never said anything earlier, but she did not regret a single thing she said or did to me over the years since we met and especially not what she said and did that day. She told me again I was a horrible human being for being depressed and toxic for hating my own appearance and trying to lose weight. She then said "I know better, I knew better and let my own insecurities get to me. But its YOUR fault. You never told me otherwise. I didn't go to you either but you never told me what I needed to hear, you're supposed to be good at reading people, its your fault not mine" Told me that she is hurt by me for me taking mental health breaks, said I was doing it to be malicious to her and X, that there was no way I wasn't, even though she "knows better her insecurities say its that way so it has to be and its my fault for making her feel insecure." She then told me she wants to stop being friends but also wants to hold onto me. Told me I'd have to do a lot of work, when I spoke to her about all she ever did that hurt me, how I felt she turned around and made it all about herself. She then told me it'd be me that would have to change who I am as a person. "Become colder, Stop caring about others, Be warmer to us, don't leave us behind, stop taking mental health breaks" Then she told me "Its my fault you changed, I did well but I don't like how you changed. I pushed you onto that new path leaving myself stuck behind. I dislike this new you, I didn't expect for that to change your whole life and who you were. I don't like it, maybe we can change it back and be friends again" She then told me "the misunderstanding caused me to distrust you, you'll have to repair that if you want us to be friends still. I'll TRY but you have to fix everything or this wont work out" If we do stay friends shes going to be a casual video games only kind of friend only bc I still do love her. But honestly if we stop being friends Im fine with that too. Either way shes lost all right to be a big part of my life again and shes lost trust she'll never get back from me.

[somnilogical]

Intercommunity Jargon Bargain

Our characters (in order of appearance):

metagameface :3 is @metagameface Hive is Hive 微梦 is @somnilogical Serei c: is @serinemolecule kerapace :s is @kerapace

All have given their express permission to be quoted under these names. The following is a complete transcript of the discourse. Enjoy :3

metagameface :3 - 昨天晚上9點01分 Like, having a term for women with penises, is making it more of a category than it probably needs to be, because the contexts in which you need to specifically talk about women with penises are few, compared the the contexts in which you need to talk about women, or talk about people with penises. Hive - 昨天晚上9點07分 Something tells us any such term would be worn out in seconds on the euphemism treadmill. metagameface :3 - 昨天晚上9點10分 Right, but my point is that the desire to have a term seems suspect, because why are you singling out women with penises to the point that you need a quicker way to refer to them as a group? 微梦 - 昨天晚上9點18分 because futa are hot and sex is important to people? Hive - 昨天晚上9點21分 Considering all the trans people we know irl experience a good deal of like, discomfort and distress w/r/t their genitals, putting them in a group that defines them specifically by genitals seems really shitty. 微梦 - 昨天晚上9點25分 yeah different people have different needs and the needs of pervs is outweighed by the needs of innocent victims. IDK this is probably not a thing to say in public with people who are not your friends. Arguing over which priors to use for generic [member of class] isn't fun. metagameface :3 - 昨天晚上9點28分 nods 微梦 - 昨天晚上9點28分 Just like give a survey or something maybe. Hive - 昨天晚上9點33分 We think that's just it though Somni, at least from our experience, like, trans men for instance, don't want to be in the set of [trans men] they want to be in the set of [men]. They don't want to be treated like a special case distinct from the generic [men] set.  Most people don't transition from like, male to transgender, they transition from male to female. 微梦 - 昨天晚上9點43分 Not all trans people want to assimilate into social structures for the gender they transition to, but for ~90% probably. Trans people, however aren't the only morally relevant agents involved here. The people who creep and perv on trans people (including pervs who are trans) also have experiences and emotions. And being able to talk about what you like is important for them emotionally. When interacting with trans people who are not a part of their subculture using the distinction is probably a net negative utility wise. I see not problem with these people having and using terms with these distinctions within their own subculture. And I think this is a ~motte and bailey. A bit here or something. The conversation started vague and now I am talking about specific solutions. So we should probably refresh and update when these things happen to see if we still disagree. I disagree with you if you say that a distinction between [girls] and [girls] with dicks is a net negative for the world. Serei c: - 昨天晚上9點46分 @metagameface :3, having a term for women with penises is quite relevant when you're, like looking for porn of women with penises which is the context in which this was brought up 微梦 - 昨天晚上9點48分 ^ Serei c: - 昨天晚上9點49分 also futas are different from women with penises, or at least the Japanese term 'futa' is 微梦 - 昨天晚上9點49分 eh yes but also it gets applied to trans girls people have arguments about this on like 4chan metagameface :3 - 昨天晚上9點50分 @Serei c: Ah, I missed that context 微梦 - 昨天晚上9點50分 Okay I mean grrr maybe I am being 2edgy but this is What Somni Actually Believes. And I may be being more forceful on this point because it brings up a rhetorical thing that has been annoying me for a while I both want to reject the point and the technique. Which is gerrymandering morally relevant agents to make your proposal come up with positive net utility. I think this is done when there aren't separate stages for expressing your needs and collectively trying to figure out what is best for the benefit of every agent who is affected by the choice. ~ And people present what they need and their concerns as a "plan that helps everyone" because they don't want what they care about left out of consideration. Instead of what should be protocol which is everyone stating what they want and are sensitive to and then discussing the situation and then brainstorming a solution. In discrete steps. Hive - 昨天晚上9點55分 Something something Moloch kerapace :s - 昨天晚上9點56分 I mean, I think we already have different terms (non-offensive ones, even) for people and pornography, and I think that's probably as close as we're going to get to a nice compromise one can talk about people, the other can be used to talk about people's sexual preferences Hive - 昨天晚上9點57分 Isn't that literal objectification though? 微梦 - 昨天晚上10點00分 But yeah if your plan makes excuses for omitting a class of people because they are serial killers or unintelligent or have a different political philosophy or have money or just leaves them out of consideration entirely, it is probably because including these people makes figuring out a solution that benefits everyone is a hard problem and the planners do not want to cede power because ceding power is painful and might give their ground fewer nice things. When you measure the goodness of a plan ideally you estimate what it does to all morally relevant agents (not non-computing rocks etc.) who are affected by the change and see how to fit everyone's needs together. When making a choice the chooser should desperately want to live in a world where every hair is numbered and every grain of sand. Hive - 昨天晚上10點07分 Unless you can actually do that math and show the positive effects outway the negatives then all of that is just talk though. 微梦 - 昨天晚上10點13分 It is talk which gives us the heuristics that of you omit a class of people affected by the thing from your considerations, you cannot knowingly converge on the correct answer even if you have all the exact numbers. Hive - 昨天晚上10點15分 Okay sure but in that case Chesterton's Fence. 微梦 - 昨天晚上10點16分 It is strictly worse for working out a solution that actually works for all parties if just drop a class of people from consideration. Unless information about them is smuggled in through other avenues. Hive - 昨天晚上10點17分 Okay like, fine, we're not saying 'ignore perverts values' or anything. As a pervert ourselves that would directly effect us. But like, show us the math. kerapace :s - 昨天晚上10點17分 somni I am very confused at what you are saying 微梦 - 昨天晚上10點21分 If "Chesterson's fence" points to the argument I think it does, then I don't think it is even applicable. I know why people are dropped from consideration and I have seen it cause dysfunction and failed plans. I am not saying "why are perverts not being taken into consideration here it seems like and arbitrary hold over from barbaric times". I am saying that omitting people from consideration causes specific harm and is done because people don't want their group to be shafted at the negotiating table so they draw the line around who matters such that there is little uncertainty over whether they will "win" the resources. @kerapace :s Then I shall dispel your confusion! A questioning technique from debates in the middle ages: Can you write out what you think I am saying so far and what part is the Region of Confusion? kerapace :s - 昨天晚上10點27分 so you're saying that the feelings of people who are attracted to trans people need to be taken into account when making the calculus of what language people use when talking about their gender and genitalia 微梦 - 昨天晚上10點38分 @Hive :3 There is a reason people use mathematical models for things that are messy and hard to quantify and this is because they are kind of useful. Thinking about things in terms of utilitarianism even though the numbers are hard to locate instead of just doing what just feels right on an intuitive level at least prevents people from donating to things like the Make A Wish Foundation. Which is clearly not effective at all according to pretty much any metric of charity evaluation that cares for maximizing happiness per a dollar. But the thing is a lot of people don't even think of evaluating this class of things in a considered way as a thing that is done. So even though many of the people who are donating to EA things aren't actually doing any math they still do better than people who use no framework at all and wing it 100% on impulses like guilt or desire to help cute kids. Even if they have only rough numbers, using the model that dominates intuitions under perfect information out performs the the intuitions when both processes are given approximately correct information. There are times when over analysis harms people and the intuitive processes of the brain dominate because they are more efficient than formalized processes using imperfect information as inputs. But I do not think [neglecting to include members of a class of people who are not you in a choice of who should get what resources is a time when intuitive biases do better at locating solutions that are good for all parties] is one of the situations that is easier to reason about when given over to human intuition. @kerapace :s This is correct! Hive - 昨天晚上10點47分 Fine, but we're arguing that in such a situation, doing nothing is a better option then messing with the status quo and adding words to the language that might be harmful. We're arguing for the status quo, unless you can actually do the math that shows that changing the language the way you're proposing will do more good for people attracted to trans people, then it will do harm to trans people (who are already disproportionately marginalized already). Unless you can actually show us the data on that, we're not going to find your argument particularly compelling. Chesterton's fence! basically. 微梦 - 昨天晚上11點02分 Ah! I kind of agree with you there! I think the current direction of word use is good and words shouldn't be regulated and communities of people perving on trans girls should be allowed to use whatever words they want in their own communities. However the phrase "maintain the status quo" is weird and like "act natural". I mean what actions do and do not maintain it how do we measure the difference between how we would act with no agreement. etc. What if without being told to maintain the status quo someone goes out and says that all trans girls are traps and gay. Is that maintaining the status quo or not? Assume that none of us did anything and in fact were locked in a room away from the rest of the world. (Although that would be changing the status quo.) I'm not you, but I think that maintaining the status quo in this case would call you to make a positive action to tell the person saying that to stop advocating for this or to write letters about why they were wrong because they were doing was changing the status quo. If by maintaining the status quo you mean let the communities hash it out between each other with good negotiation norms where everyone's concerns and needs are heard and navigated around so that they fit together in a positive sum way, then we agree on this!

Hive - 昨天晚上11點06分 Realistically communities aren't going to neatly hash it out between each other in every case. Within communities definitely, smaller ones specially, but yes.

微梦 - 昨天晚上11點37分 Yay! Our views have contracted together!