#tell me if i’m wrong i can’t rely on my shitty memory

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

We often talk about how romantic the Joy in the Morning garden scene is, with very good reason, but it REALLY jumps out at you if you listen to the audiobooks. Jonathan Cecil’s Jeeves voice is very consistent, so when he reads “The cool air. The scent of growing things. That is tobacco plant which you can smell, sir,” you can HEAR how there’s really no way to deliver that line in a way that isn’t noticeably more expressive than Jeeves’ normal baseline. It’s the punctuation. The full stop between “the cool air” and “the scent of growing things” tells you that a certain amount of inflection is required.

Man is flirting so hard it’s disrupting his normal speech patterns

[shurisneakers]

shut in [5]

Summary: When your high profile mission goes terribly wrong, you’re forced to hide in a safehouse with a man you’ve never met before. With seemingly nowhere else to go, you’re forced to work together to figure out who is trying to have you assassinated before it’s too late. (Sam Wilson x Reader, Hitman AU)

Warnings: cursing, threats, implied ptsd, violence

Word count: 2.9k

A/N: sam wilson nation how are we feeling after that trailer. only about a month to go for my two dumbasses to get the recognition they deserve!!

i also appreciate feedback so if you would like to, please consider dropping me an ask or comment ly guys!! also if you want to be on the taglist, it’s mentioned at the bottom of the chapter.

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Shut In Masterlist

“Where are they?”

“We don’t know, boss.”

Their eyes glossed over with rising anger, masking its earlier aloofness.

“I’m going to need more than ‘I don’t know’.” Their voice was acidic, dripping with faux politeness. A bad sign.

“Police say they pulled off the highway at one point and then they lost track of them because there were no cameras.” The agent looked at his partner who only nodded in confirmation.

“They could have ditched the car before going on foot,” the partner suggested rather unhelpfully,  “We have no idea where they could be”

They were silent, mouth pressed in a hard line, leaving everyone in silence.

“Have I told you about the time my dad hired someone to fix the sink here?” they finally asked, looking away from the agents. “Some drunk fuck got in a fistfight and absolutely decimated the thing. Dad got someone to fix the hole in the wall and the fitting.”

They turned away, facing the wall.

“He did an alright job, that guy. Fixed up the place, installed a new sink. But there was a problem that he said he’d be able to fix only the next day, something about water dripping through an unsealed pipe.”

The agents just sat there on their chairs, feet cold. They knew where the story was going. It was a myth at their organisation, a cautionary tale to everyone who joined.

“My dad, he agreed. Said ‘Yeah sure, come back tomorrow’. Guy packed up his bag and was on his way out when my dad called him back. Asked him to hold out his hand for the money and then he just,” they paused, “cut one of his fingers clean off. Told him that he’d get his payment and his finger when the job was done.”

“I loved my father,” They skipped a beat before whipping their head around to look at the two agents. “But he was a coward. I would have shot him in the head.”

The agents looked paler than what they were a few seconds ago.

“If I tell you to do something, either do it perfectly or don’t do it all because the next time you’re here and those two are still alive,” they sneered, lunging forward to grab one of their collars, “I’ll blow your fucking brains out. Do we have an understanding?”

“Yes boss,” the partner was barely audible, speaking for the one who was breathing heavily, looking like he was on the verge of passing out.

“Go on then.” They smiled, letting go of the agent’s collar as he stayed frozen in his place. They dusted their hands off before straightening up. “Don’t return without good news.”

The frustration of not knowing something was not one you were used to.

You were used to knowing. The satisfaction of a puzzle. The ease of a predictable pattern.

So when this mystery wasn’t getting solved within twenty minutes, it was starting to affect you. You spent hours staring at the ceiling, replaying every detail for months leading up to the case. Every client you shook hands with. Every coworker you greeted with a nod. Every vile sicko you had killed.

And yet, no matter how much you thought and rethought and rethought again, it simply didn’t make sense. There was a piece missing. A hidden variable.

Sam helped wherever he could. He offered up arguments and rebuttals. If you had a theory, he’d find the flaw or the lack of proof. He was keeping it reasonable. Only snorted when you suggested that maybe the president was involved in a large scale extermination of underground mafias. A absurd theory that had no roots in reality.

“You could point out any official on the damn senate and they would have some connection to our gang that you can dig up with one Red Bull and twenty minutes on the internet,” he had said. “It’s too much of a liability if we get caught. They’ll just get exposed for all the nasty shit they’ve been hiding under the carpet.”

You knew this, of course, and it didn’t help to be reminded of it again because it also meant that one more theory was ruled out. And with each theory ruled out, the further away you were from your answer.

It was frustrating.

Sam was in front of the TV, lounging on the couch with the copy of Pride and Prejudice in his hands. You were working on plausible solutions, drawing up flow charts to see what could be connected.

If Pierce wasn’t the common link then it had to be something else. You couldn’t proceed with the other spies theory because no one else immediately sprung to mind. There was one... but you decided against writing it.

If Ransone was telling the truth, and there was no way of knowing he was, Sam and you were unrelated and his being there was coincidental. You just had to rely on the employee-employer relationship you shared, if you could even call it that.

“Fuck,” you cursed loudly, tearing up the piece of paper and crumpling it. You groaned, holding your head in your hands. Your eyes were burning from straining it for too long and your shoulders were in pain from slumping over the table all day. 

You took a deep breath, shaking your head before instinctively reaching for another sheet. Your hand came up short so you fumbled around the table blindly, trying to grab at a piece of paper without spending the extra effort of searching.

“You’re not getting another sheet,” Sam’s voice came from above you. “You’re going to watch some shitty movie, eat some soup and relax for today.”

“Give it back, Wilson,” you muttered, reaching out your hand.

“No. You can use your unhealthy coping mechanism when I’m not around to see it. Half of this is my mess too and I’m not going to watch you have a breakdown over it.”

He was going to be annoyingly persistent; somehow he had exhibited that magnificently over the last few days. You knew better than to argue with him over something that he had made his mind up about by now.

“I don’t want to watch a movie.” You let your head fall onto the table, wishing that the cool wood would do something for the headache you felt coming.

You heard him set the paper back down, not saying a word. Your head was throbbing and all you wanted was the frustration to ease. It was killing you.

“Come on. We’re going outside.” That piqued your interest. Sam had never invited you anywhere before.

“Where?”

“Y’know; the outside. I know you haven’t seen it in a while but see if these words jog your memory. Sun. Grass. Win-”

“I know what the outdoors is, Wilson.” You smiled against the table, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing it. “I’m asking where exactly we’re going.”

“You’ll see. Put some shoes on.”

By the time you looked up he was already walking away from the table, leaving you to follow.

You sighed. He sounded too determined and you didn’t have many other options.

Pushing your chair away from the table, you went to go put on your shoes. __

“If in care you were planning to, I’m just going to tell you right now that you can’t kill me.”

The both of you had been wandering along the path for a while. When you met him by the backdoor, he had a bag with him filled with who knows what.

He declined to tell you what was in it either, despite you asking thrice.

“Calm down, Keanu Reeves. That’s not what I was going to do.” Sam gave a short laugh.

“I’m serious. I know karate.”

“So do I.”

“Krav Maga.”

He hummed in agreement. 

“Kickboxing.”

“Now you’re just insulting me. That’s level one.”

The path was littered with tree roots that stuck out of the soil, stray branches and leaves that crunched satisfactorily under your feet. One second of distraction and you were sure you’d fall flat to the ground. 

You both continued for a few more minutes before he finally came to a stop.

It didn't look very different from the rest of the woods until something caught your eye. In front of you, one of the trees stood out. The bark had large concentric circles, resembling a large dart board. A few indentations were already made in it; clearly it was being used for practice regularly.

“Here you go,” he spoke from beside you, handing you a tomahawk. “Go ahead, throw it at it.”

You looked at the tiny axe in his hand.

“Think of it as adult darts,” he encouraged, “Here, I’ll throw the first one.”

He extended his arm in front of him, pulling his wrist back before effortlessly throwing it at his makeshift board. It was two circles away from the bullseye he had carved out. It must have taken a while to make.

“This doesn’t look very safe,” you commented as he picked up another one, launching it at the tree. You followed its trajectory, watching it embed itself into the bark closer to the centre than the previous turn.

“That’s what makes it fun.” This man had no regard for safety protocols. Given, these were things that came with the job but it didn’t mean you did it in your free time. “It helps, just try.”

“Why are you doing this?” you asked curiously, trying to assess his reaction. Pulling you out of the house for a bar game wasn’t exactly the type of thing people generally did for you.

“Because I wanted to.” He shrugged, not giving you any further explanation. “Try one.”

“Okay.” You followed his example, watching as it glided smoothly before landing close to his initial throw.

“Nice shot.”

A smile made its way to your face automatically as he handed you another one. You repeated your action, an unusual sense of pride establishing itself in you when it came closer to the middle.

“Now what?”

“Now we collect and do the whole thing again till you feel better,” Sam replied, making his way towards the tree and plucking the small axes out easily. His back muscles tightened against the material of his shirt in the process. It wasn’t a bad sight at all. “Endorphins and all that.

“Is this where you keep disappearing to?” you inquired, taking two of them from him when he returned.

“Sometimes.” He took aim before throwing it at the board. “There’s a few things you can do around here.”

“Your coping mechanism is extreme sports without proper guidelines.”

“You gotta do what you gotta do.” Sam took a step to the side, giving you space to take your turn.

“Have you always been this wise, or?” you teased, concentrating on the circles in front of you. Your shot came pretty close. 

When you didn’t receive a reply, you glanced at him through your peripheral vision. He wasn’t moving, a thousand yard stare in his eyes.

“Hit it.”

“I can’t.” His fists were bleeding through the bandages wound around them. He could feel the tear in his skin, the burn of flesh against sweat soaked clothes.

“I said, hit it,” Emil commanded once more. Sam could feel his chest rising and falling steadily from beside him, his putrid breath making him want to vomit.

“I can’t.” He could barely stand up. Exhaustion seeped through every muscle in his body.

“You’re weak,” his trainer spat. “Nothing but a fucking child.”

“He’ll die.” Sam looks down at the boy, bloody and mangled on the floor. He had passed out ages ago but that did nothing to stop them from forcing Sam to continue relentlessly.

“It doesn’t deserve mercy. You hear that Wilson?” He leered right into his ear. “Do you fucking hear that?”

Sam flinched, nodding his head. The saltiness of his sweat was fresh on his tongue, burning where it dripped onto his busted lip from his forehead.

“So fucking finish it.” He knew that if he didn’t listen this time, there would be consequences. He didn’t want to find out what it was because he had no doubt it would pain a hell of a lot more than bruised knuckles.

“No,” he whispered, eyes wandering over the body on the floor. “I won’t.”

“What’d you say?” Emil straightened up, taking a step towards him.

“I said no.” Sam turned around on his heel. He could barely stand straight but the spite running through his veins was driving him, giving him enough energy to not collapse right there on the spot.

“He said no,” his trainer repeated, leaning away from Sam. “He said no.”

He turned to look at Ransone. Sam had forgotten he was there in the darkness of the room, observing the fight for the past two hours.

“He said no.” He started chuckling. His chuckles soon gave way to hideous laughter. Stomach clutching, tear inducing laughter.

Before Sam could even realise the change in attitude, Emil’s entire demeanour shifted. He stepped forward, forcefully gripping Sam’s neck. He shoved him backward until his back was pressed against the wall, no doubt bruising his spine further than what it was.

“Say that again, you fucking idiot,” he growled. But Sam couldn’t say anything. He could barely breathe. He was terrified, but determined not to let it show on his face. “When I say something, you better fucking listen.”

His trainer observed his expression for a few more seconds. Sam didn’t open his mouth.

His trainer finally loosened his grip, letting go of his neck.

Sam’s knees nearly buckled but he kept his balance, coughs racking through his body. He felt lightheaded, swollen eyes watching Emil walk towards the body on the floor. The only friend he had.

“Maybe this oughta teach you a lesson.” Emil flashed a quick smirk at Sam before raising his fist above Riley’s face.

Within a split second a guttural cry escaped his throat as he launched himself at the much larger trainer, taking him by surprise. The pure rage he was feeling had him seeing only red, the adrenaline steering his body on autopilot.  

With their position suddenly switched, Sam found himself on top of Emil, bloody fists beating down on his face without a break. The pain didn’t even matter anymore.

“Fuck you,” he screamed, not giving him even a second to defend himself. “Fuck you, you fucking dickhead.”

When he could feel his trainer raising his arm to grab from behind, he took a pause from pummelling his face to grab his arm, twisting sharply it till he heard a crack. The roar escaping Emil’s throat didn’t dissuade him from finishing what he started, returning to landing a punch wherever he could.

He didn’t even know how long had passed before his body was being pulled away, kicking and cursing.

“You see how good it feels Wilson? You feel that relief?” Ransone held him tightly as he squirmed furiously trying to get back to beating the shit out of that asshole on the ground. “Next time you’re angry, remember that’s the only way to feel good. If you’re in pain, you cause pain.”

Sam’s flailing was reducing as the adrenaline wore off. The exhaustion was beginning to take hold of his body as he looked at the onslaught of blood splatter everywhere, two bodies side by side on the ground. He did this to both of them.

“Violence is your only friend. Don’t you ever forget that.”

Ransone let go of him. His feet gave out beneath him, chest rising and falling heavily. His shoulders ached as he dragged his body towards Riley, praying to every force in the universe that he wasn’t dead.

He was still breathing. Sam nearly cried out of relief, collapsing next to him. Ready to defend him if Emil woke up.

“Next time you want to let out some anger, come find me,” Ransone called out. “I’ll find you your next victim.”

“You okay?” You waved your hand in front of his face. “Earth to Wilson.”

It seemed to work as he snapped back, blinking rapidly.

“You zoned out a little there. Everything alright?” you asked. He looked at you blankly for a second before realising what you asked.

“Yeah.” He gave you a half smile. “Yeah, I’m good. You done with your turn?”

The light that was there behind his eyes a few minutes ago had dimmed considerably. He looked weary. You recognised what had happened, what he was probably thinking of. You didn’t bring it up, not risking the chance of him reliving it.

“Kinda.” You pointed towards the target where a tomahawk was sticking out of the centre.

“Damn,” he whistled, resting his hands on his waist. “Best of three?”

“Didn’t know it was a competition.” You went to collect it. It was harder to pull out than you thought. You wondered how many times Sam had practiced it to make it look so effortless.

“Only if you want it to be.”

“Nah.” You walked towards him, handing two of them back to him. “Maybe next time.”

“Next time, huh.” He tested his throw before letting go of the handle. Bullseye. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

You only smiled.

Next part

[kravkalackin]

Do you think Barry remembers dying over and over? As in, do you think he remembers waking up in a green good pod, breaking out, getting dressed, listening to the coin, following the instructions, dying, and then it all happening again? Because I feel like he should. Lucretia can’t erase that, she doesn’t know about it. By now the coin is just a comfort thing.

okay this is something i think about all the time and it’s honestly a little wild that i haven’t talked about it yet 

so barry can’t remember the other times he comes back to life and the coin leads him around in canon, we see that because he doesn’t remember meeting the boys or phandalin, or the coin or his cave, some things are somewhat familiar and muddled (’yeah it’s a magic chest, I don’t know how I know that’ ‘I mean this is my cave I think but alright’) but overall it’s made pretty clear that barry doesn’t remember from one body to another.

now, part of this is due to voidfish, because unlike magnus’s new body, the body barry is cloning was never inoculated. but the thing is you’re right anon, Lucretia doesn’t know the details of what Barry’s doing. she can’t erase his memories from one body to another. now i’m chill if this is just a plot hole or can be waved away with vague voidfish/necromancy stuff, great stories can have plot holes, it’s fine

but consider what if the memories did string together

Barry wakes up in a vat of green brackish fluid for the first time, gets instructions from a coin about lost memories and a missing love and a hole in his chest. he follows it to scaling a rocky cliffside. a precarious handhold crumbles under his fingers, and he’s dashed across the rocks below before he can really process the fuck up 

and then he wakes up again, in that same fluid. the coin gives him the same spiel, seeing a little unsure of how much he would know this time. He looks at a calendar, and ten months have passed since he last remembers being awake. 

if he was unsure about believing the coin before, he has proof now. Something is wrong, he’s missing time, and it’s definitely not normal to wake up in a weird chamber twice in a row. so when it tells him to go to some ice cave, he follows along. 

it’s not as fast this time. while before he could pretend that maybe something happened when he blacked out, something saved him and brought him back here, there’s no pretending there. it’s hard to think when he’s so cold but that much red on snow was never a good sign. 

He died, an yet he’s back again in that cave, only eight months have passed this time though. the coin knows he can remember the basics now, and while it can’t fill him in on everything that’s happened in the past eight months it can lead him towards a new lead. 

He does as it says, and dies, and comes back. He can’t question it, can only trust when the coin tells him that they’re making progress. That slowly but surely, this is leading to something big. So he keeps going out, over and over and over again. 

He’s pretty sure that being killed by gerblins barely a few days out is going to be a new low for him, but that doesn’t happen. Those three adventurers, the ones he’d instantly felt a connection with, had saved him. The coin had always told him to rely on his instincts, and right now his instincts are screaming at him to trust these guys. 

“This map should lead us to Wave Echo Cave, let’s roll out boys,” he says, wincing slightly when he slings his bag over his shoulder. He knows he looks bad, but it must be pretty obvious how shitty he’s feeling when the other three glance nervously at each other. 

“Wait, are you coming too?” Magnus asked, and Taako gives him a skeptical once over. 

“Yeah, no offense my dude, but you look and sound like dogshit,” he says, and yeah, if it was up to Barry he would just stay here, instead of walking into his death. It’s not like that’s anything he’s not used to at this point though. 

“Trust me, I’ve felt worse,” he says. They look concerned still, but no one argues about him coming along. He just has to hope that maybe this time, he’ll find whatever it is he’s looking for. 

Maybe this time, he’ll actually live long enough to see it. 

[aprxl-showers]

i was feeling a bit sad yesterday and this is the result...

Keith huddles on his bed, hugging three soft pillows at a time to his chest. He takes a deep breath, willing the tears away. He hates this.

Fighting with Shiro always sucked. He and Keith always seemed to be in angsty moods around the same time—more often than not being the cause of each other’s ill tempers—and they’d yell and slam doors until Keith inevitably stormed off. He always ended up in the same place: he and Lance’s bedroom, pressing himself against the wall in order to be as far away as possible from everyone.

His jaw is achy, signalling another impending onslaught of tears and Keith knows it’s probably a losing battle. However, Lance always said letting emotions out was good and healthy and not to worry, he would always be there to give Keith hugs.

Lance isn’t here, though. He’s been away at his parents’ house all weekend for a birthday of some sorts. He had whispered promises through kisses that he’d be back before Keith knew it. But it’s already nine thirty and Keith is reaching a breaking point.It isn’t like he relies on Lance to stop him feeling certain ways. He had made sure of that when they’d moved in together two months ago after ten months of dating. He never wants Lance to be burdened with all his issues and be unloaded onto all of the time. Nevertheless, they still talk. They’re boyfriends, of course they’re there for each other, and sometimes nothing beats being held tightly in Lance’s arms with soothing words pressed to his hairline.

It’s a Friday night which should be a relief but Keith is working all of Saturday and Sunday, meaning he has to get up far too early tomorrow, and he feels like he hasn't been able to take a break this entire week. His teachers have suddenly amped up the intensity of classes and assignments with the upcoming exams. His anniversary with Lance is also on the horizon and he’s trying to save to take him somewhere fancy.

Whenever he does catch an extra moment Keith tries to watch something on Netflix but then the hours fly by like minutes and he’s left feeling shitty again. He initially tried that method when he’d slammed the door shut earlier, angrily tossing his bag off and letting his head fall into his hands. He’d tried to put on a brave face, blinking through tears at the laptop screen as some young, star crossed lovers made eyes at each other across a classroom. It did nothing but remind him of Lance’s absence which didn’t improve his emotional state in the slightest.

He ducks his head into the crease in the pillow closest to his chest as if it will soak in the ball of negativity swirling in his chest, the lump in his throat, his heavy heart. Take it away.

There’s the sound of faint footsteps and jangling keys and Keith hears the door click open as Lance makes his way into their apartment. Keith listens to him as he moves through their home, dumping his suitcase on the sofa, fetching a glass of water and approaching the bedroom door. Keith realises too late that the light isn’t even on.

There’s the sound of a flick and suddenly he sees Lance’s eyes clearly. He watches in horror as Lance’s happy, beautiful expression slips from his face and he places the glass on the chest of drawers.

“Keith?”

He doesn’t want to be a downer on Lance’s day, especially when he’s only just arrived looking like sunshine itself, so he attempts a smile. He also attempts to reply but all that leaves his mouth is a choked, pathetic sob. Lance is diving forward before he’s even registered. Warm hands cup his face and Keith collapses forward into his boyfriend’s chest.

“Lance.”

“Hi, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry. I just—” His breath shudders.

“It’s okay. Just breathe, I’ve got you.” Lance reaches up to stroke Keith’s hair, shushing him quietly. Keith softly nudges his head into the crook of his neck, breathing deeply and calming for the first time in hours. Lance’s fingers wipe away his tears gently as he presses fleeting kisses to his eyelids. They stay like that for twenty minutes, in silence. Until:

“Fuck.” Keith’s voice is no longer garbled and he rubs his eyes, exhaustion hitting him like a wave.

Lance tucks his bangs behind his ears over and over and over and over. “Seems appropriate. Do you want to talk about it?”

Keith leans back, offering Lance a more genuine smile. Lance returns it. “No. It’s just Shiro. I’ll call him tomorrow and work it out. How was your family? Did you enjoy seeing everyone?”

“Yeah, it was great.” Lance isn’t fully at ease yet, Keith can tell. He cradles Keith’s neck, running his thumb up and down it. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here earlier.”

“No. You don’t have to apologise, you didn’t do anything wrong. By the time you came in I was feeling the last of it. I would have been fine in another hour.” Keith shuffles over, pulling Lance into a proper sitting position on the bed beside him. He gathers his boyfriend’s long, slender finger in his own. “Please, tell me about your weekend. You looked so happy when you came in.”

Lance hesitates but Keith squeezes his hands once more and his angelic grin slowly returns. Keith feels a weight lift from his shoulders.

“If I’m being completely honest, I missed Mama so much,” Lance says, dropping his head onto Keith’s shoulder. Keith doesn’t blame him. It’s almost impossible not to miss Mama McClain. “There’s nothing quite like hugging your mama, you know? I mean—”

“Yeah, I know.” Keith kisses Lance's forehead, banishing the returns of the worry lines. Although Keith misses his parents every day, he loves hearing about Lance’s huge family—who he had met several times for some bigger, plus one events—and encourages him to speak about them whenever he can. Lance’s passion and love for them always shines through, sending swoops through Keith's stomach every time without fail.

“They asked about you a lot, by the way. Nadia, Sylvio are keen to see you again. I’m certain that even baby Elena perked up when I said your name.”

Keith’s smile arrives unbidden and he chuckles. “I miss them.”

“I bet you do,” Lance agrees, laughing lightly. “I’ve been apart from them for ten hours and I already miss them. The last time you saw them was when we moved in and they gave us all those weirdly specific gifts.”

Keith smirks at the memory. Funnily enough, though, he’s used all the McClain gifts on countless occasions. They obviously knew what they were doing.

“I’m happy you’re back, Lance,” he says. Silence settles for a little while.

Lance shifts, lifting his head from Keith’s shoulder and taking a seat in his lap, facing him. He places a tentative kiss on the corner of his lips.

“There’s no place I’d rather be, babe. I love living with you—it’s the highlight of my life so far, hands down.” Lance runs his hands over Keith’s sides. “I love being able to hug you when you’re sad and beat Shiro’s ass when one of you takes it too far.”

Keith lets out a startled laugh.

“I love it when you do that,” he mutters, leaning forward and brushing Lance’s lips with his own. “And I love you, too, so that’s a plus.”

“A big plus,” Lance reiterates.

“Huge.”

“Massive.”

“Absolutely.”

“I love you.”

“You, too,” Keith replies before he slips an inch forward and they’re kissing softly.

Lance always knows exactly how to calm him down and make him feel that much better. Keith knows he would do—that he does do—the same for him if something was ever remotely wrong. Because they’re a team. And Keith loves him.

He’ll talk to Shiro tomorrow, smooth things over, lick some wounds. Ask him if one year is too soon into a relationship to consider marriage. Maybe it is but Keith can’t find it in himself to care.

It may take them months more of emotional breakdowns on both sides, years more of comfort and cuddles, but Keith has no doubt he and Lance will get there. He already knows this is it. Keith pulls him close, a little emotionally drained but happy, smiling wide against Lance’s lips.

[infinitegalahad]

RAY IN THE BATHROOM

Summary: Ray is hiding in a bathroom and has a panic attack over the fact that his only real friend and the love of his life has (supposedly) left him for Brad.

Word-Count: 2.1k

Warnings: References of suicidal thoughts, ptsd, and severe anxiety. Brad is a semi-asshole. Hop on the angst train (with fluff at the end!)

A/N: I was listening to Be More Chill because let's just say that I can heavily relate to Micheal In The Bathroom due to recent events in my life. So then again, what better way to cope then using my biggest kin, Ray Person, in a totally not self indulgent fic?? Also as for the prompt requests-i'm working on them! Sorry, school has been bad. I'm keeping a promise to myself to release at least once a a week and I'm on a gen kill rampage. Idk what else to add so enjoy!

Taglist: @theboardwalkbody

Masterlist | Send In A Prompt!

Ray doesn’t expect himself to be hanging in the bathroom at their first year reunion. But instead of “hanging”, he’s hiding. Those emotions that never come out are now coming back to haunt him. Ray knows he can't hide behind a shit eating grin and sunglasses. He leaned up against the tub inside of the cramped room, his sunglasses tucked into the neck of his polo as tears sting his eyes.

Ray’s legs felt numb and he knows if he looks into the mirror and sees his flushed face and eyes, he won’t be able to conceal his crying. He’s not able to go back outside and would prefer to fake pee or just check his phone in the bathroom.

“C’mon brah!” Q-tip whined like a child, crossing his legs. “This hurts like a butt cheek on a stick”

“You can’t come in!” Ray yelled as he held back a sob, “The little man is going. Suck it up, buttercup.”

Q-tip had been knocking on the door for over ten minutes before giving up and choosing to pee outside. Ray let out a shaky sigh and fell onto the thin side of the bathtub, biting his lip and he batted his wet eyes with his palms.

Ray and y/n had been an unexpected trio. Partners in crime, double trouble, you went well together despite their differences. You were an educated college student and he was a whiskey tango mess who couldn’t shut his mouth for the life of it. You cried, laughed, and did everything together. Little known to y/n, Ray didn’t have a crush on her-but he was more than in love.

However, when Ray is having severe social anxiety, an event he would typically rely on y/n to help him with, his “partner in crime” falls short. Ray knows that y/n is light years better than him. Here was the smartest and most beautiful woman he had met next to a college dropout who didn’t make it past Geometry.

Now the “perfect pair” is severed, leaving one half alone in the bathroom.

Ray’s forgotten how long he’s been in the bathroom for. These types of events always felt forced, and everyone knew that. Whenever that awkwardness would arise, Ray and y/n would choose to ditch and steal a few beers and sit in the bathtub, watching an obscure eighties film in the dark, cramped room with Ray’s god awful commentary.

But even though Ray has Born American downloaded, he can’t bring himself to watch it. Now he’s laying in the bathtub, picking at grout as he softly grieves. He’s hiding in there while y/n is ignoring all of their history.

Ray first arrived at the party, making a dramatic entrance. He made sure everybody knew that he was there, especially y/n. His original plan was to wear a purple tux he had snatched from walamrt since it was ugly as fuck, and Ray knew that. But knowing that you were going to be there, Ray made an attempt with an expensive navy polo and khaki shorts, courtesy of Nate.

Upon seeing you, Ray ran over from whatever he was doing to talk to you. Whether you were OD’S or a casual jumpsuit, you looked dead drop gorgeous-and Ray never knew how to express his affections. So he pulled you into a hug and muttered a shitty joke, and you just laughed.

Over the course of the next hour, the two of you catched up about your mundane lives. It made Ray feel guilty since he knew that you were better than him in every way possible, on the road of success. Your future sounded like you would go to some fancy school and then marry a lawyer. Ray wanted to be good for you, but he didn’t know how to at all. He followed you around like a lost puppy for the rest of the party, feeling a tinge of jealousy whenever one of the guys would give you a chaste hug or when you wouldn't pay attention to him for five minutes.

Ray didn’;t know why the fuck eh was feeling so sappy. It wasn’t like the two of you were dating (even though that’s exactly what he wanted).

Ray doesn’t hate Brad, but he just hates whenever he talks to you. He sees the two of you, smiling and laughing as you catch u[. Ray knows it’s rude, but he buds in and offers to get drinks for the “three amigos”. You kindly accept and Ray goes away to get drinks. He makes sure to spit inside of Brad’s drink as a childish act of revenge.

As Ray walks down the hallway balancing the three drinks, he pauses to hide behind the door since he hear’s Brad mention his name. You and Brad had moved to the couch, sitting too close for Ray’s comfort levels. He had an arm slung over the couch, which was barely touching you, but Ray had taken it as an offense.

Standing by the doorway and leaning, he overheard Brad’s words.

“Ray’s a little shit, whiskey tango loser, sister fucking, type of man. I don’t know what you see in him,” Brad had casually said, cold and straight to the point. He truly lived up to his name.

That’s when Ray dropped the drinks and ran towards the bathroom. He didn’t hear you respond, and that was the last thing he needed to hear.

Now Ray’s sitting in the tub, no longer holding tears back, but there coming out. A sob escapes his mouth and he tries to smile, but he can’t. He gets a taste of his salty tears and tries to stop the waterworks, but they come back, bigger and faster. It’s been a while since he had a good cry-but it happened at one of the most inconvenient times. And it was over a stupid girl-who he coulnd’t deny that he was in love with.

But y/n was lightyears ahead of him. Besides, Brad was (seemingly) a better fit for her. The scenario began to play in Ray’s wild mind. The memories of “double trouble” will get erased. Their wedding will be small, paid for by the Colberts. Q-Tip will DJ, Godfather will make a speech with his horrid voice, and Ray will make a shitty joke as usual. Worst had come to the worst.

Ray hears a drunk Q-tip sing along through the door to “I wanna dance with somebody”. His feelings sink even deeper cause it makes him think; now there’s no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore. That was y/n’s favorite hobby about these forced get-togethers.

Ray knew that at some point, he’d be forced to come out. As he chokes back the incoming tears, he waits until his face becomes dry, planning to blame it on weed or something in his eyes or the five bud lights he regrets drinking.

Knock, knock, knock, knock

Ray looks up and wipes his face, forcing a fake laugh. “Oh hell yeah, I'll be out soon.”

“Ray, it’s me.” It’s y/n’s voice, and Ray can’t believe it’s her. A part of him wants her to come in, but the other part wants him to defend himself.

“Why do you want me to come out when you can hang out with your new big strong viking? Who talks all educated and shit since you just love being around him.” Ray spits out with a few sniffles.

Based on his words and the sniffles, you can tell something is clearly wrong.

You shake your head and lightly knock again, “Please, that’s not what happened. Brad’s an idiot, and we’re just friends. “Please, come out.”

Ray got out from the tub and came close to the door, feeling your frantic breathes again the door. “My biggest mistake was showing up. I wished I stayed up watching cable porn, or I offered myself. Besides, he’s better for you. Just go away.”

Hearing him say such things made you worry even more, afraid that he could do something to himself that he’d regret.

“Ray, open the damn door. Don’t say dumb shit.” You pleaded, frantically twisting the door knob. The worry was evident in your voice.

“No, fuck you! Fuck this whole place. You’re smart; just leave me alone.” Ray banged against the door as tears came down his face. He immediately regretted his choice of words, knowing that they would hurt you. He turned away to return to the bathtub, only to stop when he heard you now sniffling.

Mega fuck.

Ray reluctantly walks back to the door and opens it, to see your face, all red and wet like this. Both of you stood there, disheveled, tears both running down your face.

Not a single word was spoken between the two of you as you ran into his arms, pulling him close as you cried into his chest. Ray used his foot to slam the door shut and then proceeded to pull you into a bearhug, stroking the back of your head as he comforted you through your sobs.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” He repeated as his tears stained your shoulder as well, “I didn’t-fuck. I’m such a retar-” He froze, knowing that you hated that word. “Idiot. I just-fuck. Don’t cry. You’ll ruin all the stuff on your face-”, Ray said as he tilted your face up and started to wipe your tears.

“Makeup. ‘S fine, I’m not wearing much. I just didn’t wanna get mistaken for a middle schooler again.”

Ray and you both let out a chuckle in the midst of your shared crying session. He’s still wiping the tears from your face as you rest your arms on his waist.

“First time we met, y’know. Godfather thought you had a dick for a long time.” Ray added, which earned another laugh from you.

You shook your head, “Remember when Trombley found out I was a girl?”

“Looked like he was about to shit himself-he wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“Ugh, ‘s a nightmare.” The two of you filled the void with the awakened laughter you shared. Ray’s tiny hands moved to your chin, directing it slightly up.

“I still think you’re pretty hot either way, angel.” Ray confessed. The two of you looked at each other for a minute, seeing the love and pupils widen in both of your eyes. Standing on your toes, you and Ray’s lips gently pecked at each other. You could taste the bud light on his lips as Ray’s lips overpowered yours, gently cupping and sucking passionately.

“Fuck,” Ray breathed through the kiss as your foreheads touched, “I love you.”

“Shit, I’ve been waiting for you to say that,” You chuckled as your finger’s played with Ray’s dark hair. It’s gotten longer, and it’s at a length where he can awkwardly style it, but since Ray is Ray-it’s a mess, “I love you too. I’m sorry about Brad, you know how he is.”

“I just thought you and him were having a moment. I just started overthinking it since I thought you didn't wanna be around me. Which is chill, I was vibing,” Ray attempted to joke, which was a way to cope with his pain.

You shake your head and hold his face to reassure him. Ray looks down at you in awe, which makes a smile curve on your lips.

“Brad wasn’t touching me, he just was stretched out on the couch. Ray, don’t say that. You were in the bathroom for over an hour. I knew that you were ethier upset or having explosive diarrhea from Nate’s vegan casserole-or both.”

“That shit was beyond nasty. I bet he got all the ingredients at Trader joes and sold his soul just to buy it.” Ray quickly quipped.

“Jesus, don’t make me vomit.” You huffed as you looked at the bathtub, “Now are you gonna come out now without beating up someone?”

“Yes babycakes, as long as you do one thing.”

Cringing, you force a smile. It’s not because you don’t love him, but sometimes what comes out of his mouth can be questionable. “Yes Ray?”

He grabs your hand, which fits right into his. “Gotta show the homies who’s the alpha around here.”

You don’t mind holding Ray’s hand. You like the tight squeezes and the feel of his soft skin. As the two of you walk out of the bathroom back into the life of the party with the smell of barbeque and the august heat in the air.

“Oh god Ray, shut up.”

Ray simply responds with a goosey laugh.

[taetaespeaches]

“Do you remember my promise?”

jimin x reader (or oc) genre: fluff; angst word count: 2.6K

a/n: Oh my goodness we’ve reached the last Jimin upload for a bit! So wild. In this one, Dear is feeling some anxiety after Jimin goes on tour for the first time since their brief break up and Jimin helps assure her. I hope you all enjoy, and thanks for reading! :))

Oh and it features a bit of Tae, Guk, and Jinnie. 

YOUR eyes stayed glued to the text conversation as your chest tightened by the second. The anxiety seemingly came out of nowhere, though you realized it must had been building up over the past few weeks Jimin had been away.

When the three dots appeared, alerting you to your boyfriend’s pending response, you held your breath.

Chim: Grab your laptop, I’m calling you.

Dropping the phone to the comforter, you reached to your bedside table, pulling the laptop off. Opening it, you quickly clicked on the video chatting app as you sat up straight, crossing your legs. Lightly chewing on your finger nails, you eagerly answered the call when Jimin’s ID showed up on the screen.

“Hi Dear,” he greeted before his face came into view, the sound of his voice allowing you to release the breath you’d been holding. When his video loaded onto your display, you could have cried at the image of him, sitting in his hotel room, looking at you with a face full of concern.

“Hi,” you exhaled, wishing for nothing more than to reach out and hug him. Tears welled up in your eyes as you tried to blink them away.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, you sighing as you shrugged. “Talk to me,” Jimin told you gently. As he awaited your answer, he thoughtlessly ran his hand through his hair.  

“I don’t know, I just feel on edge,” you admitted. Your boyfriend watched you carefully, scanning your face as he tried to gage your emotions and figure out what was burdening your mind. “I just needed to see your face,” you admitted, Jimin giving you a sad smile. “Hear your voice.”

“I’m here, Dear,” he assured you. Smiling weakly back at him, Jimin stared at you thoughtfully, fully aware of your downhearted spirit. “Be honest, ok?” He started, you nodding in agreement to answer his impending question truthfully. “With me being away, are you feeling uncertain?”

Exhaling shakily, you nodded, watching as Jimin licked his lips, his eyes planted on you. “I just-” you started before pausing as you directed your eyes to the side of the room in thought. “I feel anxious,” you told him, resting your chin on your hand. “I know we’re fine, but my chest is still so tight and I don’t know why,” you said, almost ashamed of what you saw as unwarranted feelings.

“You know that’s understandable, right?” He asked, you shrugging as you stared at your bedroom door, still unable to bring yourself to look at the man. “It is. It’s the first tour since-”

“I know, but that’s in the past, that’s not us,” you told him, looking at him through the screen. “I shouldn’t feel this way when you’ve been so amazing and we’ve been doing so well,” you spoke out of frustration of your anxieties.

“Exactly though,” he told you, his eyes widened with a hint of excitement gleaming from the pretty orbs. “The feelings make sense, but we are doing really well, Dear. So those worries that are pestering your mind are just leftover fears from a shitty experience. We have to replace the last tour with this one,” he explained to you, you watching him thoughtfully as you took in his words.

Observing him as he pushed back his hair again, the soft strands flowing back into place, you smiled weakly. “So what you’re saying is we just have to right the wrongs from the last tour?” Jimin’s lips spreading into a pretty smile. “Create new good memories to push the bad ones aside?”

“Exactly,” he whispered with a nod. His smile slowly morphed into a smirk, causing you to pull your eyebrows together scrutinizingly. “Hey, do you have your ring on?”

Looking at your right-hand ring finger, observing the small inscribed PJM, you toyed with the metal band. He gave it to you the morning he left for tour, promising that he would always love and appreciate you, no matter how much distance is between you. “Of course,” you told him with a nod.

“Do you remember my promise?” He asked, you flashing him a small smile, accompanied by a light giggle; the first genuine one of the night. Nodding, he let out a giddy laugh, his grin widening into a stunning beam as he tossed his head to the side, leaning against the side of his chair. “Tell me,” he nodded at you, you letting out a light scoff with a smile.

“You will love me with your whole being, no matter where you are in the world,” you paraphrased his promise, watching as his smile grew even bigger, his eyes turning to crescents.

Nodding, his expression slowly became more serious as he looked down at his own ring, running his fingertip over the small engraving of your initials. Glancing back up to you, he stared at you with an expression of sincerity. “I’m coming home to you at the end of this thing,” he assured you.

“I know you are,” you told him. “But I want you to have fun while you’re away,” you added, wanting him to know you always supported him. Even if you did miss him unbearably so in that moment.

“I know that, Dear,” he told you genuinely, licking his lips. “You don’t have to pick one or the other, you can support me and my career and miss me and want me home at the same time,” he informed you gently. “I love being on tour, I love seeing the fans, but of course I also want to be home with you. I miss you like crazy every single minute of every day.”

With a sigh, you nodded, tears gathering once again along your bottom lash line. “I know the feeling,” you said simply, Jimin giving you a tight, close-mouthed smile.

“I just want to hold you right now,” Jimin confessed, you letting out a light laugh as a tear slid down your cheek, you quickly wiping it away. “Oh, Dear,” he cooed at you with pouted lips.

Shaking your head, you brushed off your emotions with a bashful smile. “I’m ok, Chim,” you told him. “Just missing you a little more today.”

Nodding in understanding, he watched you through the webcam as you scrunched your nose at him. Giggling at the action, Jimin sat up in his chair as you moved the laptop from your thighs to the bed, lying down as you stared back at Jimin.

“I’m glad you texted me,” he suddenly spoke, your eyes widening slightly at the comment. “Thank you for telling me you weren’t feeling ok, instead of going through it alone,” he expressed his gratitude for your admission of your less than favorable feelings.

“I don’t know,” you pouted, “I still feel bad putting this shit on you while you’re away.”

“That’s silly, Dear,” he insisted with a shake of his head. “I always want to take care of you and when I can’t be there, I have to rely on you to let me know how things are going. Really going, not some fabricated image of how you want to be seen.” The words were spoken with such earnest sincerity, it brought forth your tears again. “Thank you for being honest and letting me be here for you,” he thanked you once more.  

“God, you’re seriously too kind,” you smiled through your tears, wiping them away. “Thank you for being here for me,” you appreciated, Jimin giggling as you continued watching him, almost in disbelief of how amazing your boyfriend was.

Eyes widening in excitement, he held up a hand to you, telling you, “hang on.”

Observing him curiously as he unlocked his phone and started typing and scrolling, your eyebrows pulled together in question. “What are you doing?” You asked him with a sniffle, observing the way Jimin’s lips curved upward into a teasing smirk. “Chim,” you whined, dragging the word out.

“Patience,” he told you, you groaning.

“I have none,” you replied, Jimin scoffing through his big grin.

“That’s for sure,” he teased you, you lightly laughing in response. Setting the phone down, he shot you a close-mouthed smile, and there was a slight delay before the all too familiar song started playing from his device through the computer speakers.

“Oh my god,” you gasped, lifting your head from the mattress, a massive grin forming on your face. “Jimin,” you cooed, your eyes glistening as Jimin smiled lovingly at you. “You’re so cheesy, stop making me cry,” you whined.

As Beyonce’s ‘All Night’ filled your bedroom, the dreamy song soothing your remaining anxieties, Jimin swayed from side to side, wearing that pretty smile you adored so much.

“Aw, Dear,” Jimin giggled adoringly as his own eyes became glassy. “I want to wipe your tears away,” he pouted, you laughing as you dabbed under your eyes.

Lying flat on your back, you waved your arms back and forth gracefully to the smooth beat of the song, Jimin dramatically singing the chorus to you, throwing his head back as he sang in his angelic voice, which sounded amazing even when he was just joking around.

Just as he looked back to the screen, appearing as though he was going to say something, a knock sounded on his hotel room door, followed by three more knocks, all on different areas of the door.

Sighing, you giggled, Jimin shaking his head. “If I don’t let them in-”

“They won’t stop,” you laughed with a nod. “Let them in, Darling. I don’t mind.”

Shaking his head, he stood up, calling out, “I’m sorry,” as he moved further from the laptop to let his members inside the room.

“Wait, any bets on who it is?” You yelled out to him, Jimin popping back into view of the camera with wide eyes. “I bet you dinner it’s the nimrods and Jin,” you teased, feeling confident that it would be Taehyung, Jungkook, and the eldest member.  

“Isn’t it too obvious,” he whined, “who else would it be?” He continued to complain as he headed back toward the hotel room door, the knocks only increasing in both frequency and volume. You listened as the door opened, Jimin immediately groaning.

“It had to be you three?” He grumbled, you giggling on your end of the video call.

“Jiminssi” Jungkook’s loud voice echoed overtop the music, Taehyung and Jin’s voices combining as they all got closer to the computer.

“Looks like I get to pay for dinner when you get home,” you called out to your boyfriend, the man complaining in the background.

“Oh?” Taehyung’s voice sounded suddenly. “Is that my girl?” He asked, peering at the computer screen, his head humorously appearing in the corner of the shot, you silently giggling at how cute he was. “It is,” he said excitedly with an accompanying smile, stepping fully into the camera’s sight, you waving cutely.  

“Hi, Tae,” you greeted sweetly before scolding him. “Stop sending me photos of everything you eat, it’s actual torture,” you complained, Taehyung smiling at your complaint.

“I always eat enough for you, don’t worry,” he told you cutely, you laughing at the comment.

You grinned just as Jimin returned in front of the laptop, taking a seat once again as he turned down the volume on his phone so the song was just humming in the background.

“Ah, it’s Deary,” Jin cheered excitedly as he stepped in front of the camera, Jungkook in tow as he waved at you happily, you giggling as you waved back.

“Hey guys, how are you?”  

“We’re all good, I think,” Taehyung answered for them all, you smiling at how happy they looked to be touring.

“I would ask you how you are but lover boy here literally never stops talking about you so I already know,” Jungkook teased your boyfriend, Jimin taking in a deep breath as he looked up at the younger man, shaking his head before letting the air out in a huff. “Ah, Dear’s eating ramen for lunch, doesn’t that sound so good?” He mimicked your boyfriend, Jimin covering his mouth with his hand as he laughed before using his opposite hand to slap Jungkook’s arm out of embarrassment. “I miss my girlfriend so much,” Jungkook continued, raising the pitch of his voice to further the teasing, “she sent me a selfie today, she looked so pretty.”

“That’s true, he talks about you constantly,” Jin confirmed as Jimin hid behind his hands, “I spoke to him this morning and asked how he slept and you know what he said?” He asked Jungkook and Taehyung, the two men grinning, highly entertained as Jimin silently laughed. “I sleep better at home, I just wanna cuddle my girlfriend.”

You laughed at their playful mocking, directing your gaze to Jimin to see him running his hand through his hair again as he smiled shyly. Shifting his eyes from the boys to you, you scrunched your nose at him, Jimin giggling at your happy expression.

“You know, that’s so weird,” you interjected, all four of the men looking to you. “He never mentions any of you,” you told them with a smirk, Jin’s jaw dropping as he pointed at Jimin accusatorily.

“Hey,” Jungkook complained.

“What the hell, man?” Taehyung joined in, Jimin simply shrugging as he smiled at you.

Jin looked toward the nimrods, cocking his head to the side. “Well, I don’t talk to my girlfriend about you guys either,” Jin joked, the two youngest members complaining.

“Well if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t talk to her about you either,” Jungkook sassed back, Jin feigning insult as they began bickering.

“What is wrong with you guys? I talk to Peaches about you all the time,” Taehyung looked at them in confusion and offense, everyone looking to him for a moment.

“Are you admitting she’s your girlfriend?” Jungkook asked with his eyebrows raised expectantly.

“What?” Taehyung asked, a shy smile gracing his features as he became embarrassed.  “No.” You all laughed at the man, all of you fully aware it was only a matter of time before your best friend and Taehyung got together.

As the conversation continued behind Jimin, the guys’ voices all blending and yelling overtop each other’s, you and Jimin checked out of their joking and bickering, choosing to instead lock eyes with yours through the laptop screen.  

Jimin cutely scrunched his nose at you, you holding back a smile at the adorable action. He mouthed, “you ok?” you nodding sincerely. You were ok, knowing that this tour wasn’t a repeat of the last one. You and Jimin had grown as both individuals and as a couple. You’d never been so sure of anything before than you were of Jimin and your relationship.

“I love you,” you mouthed to him, Jimin dramatically placing his hand to his chest, you giggling at his dorkiness.

“I love you too,” he mouthed back with a stunning smile.

Even with all the chaos of the three men in the background of the video call, all you could see was Jimin, sitting there with a loving expression. He gave you more love than you could have ever asked for. Of course you still missed him immensely, but you were at peace knowing he was doing what he loves all while loving you with his entire being.

And at the end of it all, Jimin would come home to you. He’d barge through your front door and scoop you up into a massive hug and he wouldn’t let go for as long as you’d allow him to hold you. He would come home to you, because you were his home. And he was yours.

[trash0receptacle]

Headcannon

Before that however: I’m sorry for not being active lately I’ve been very, stressed, busy, and tired. Since school started back my mood definitely declined a shit ton. With that being said writing is a way of coping for me so this is really just gonna be what I need today. If it helps you then that’s wonderful too.

Tw: Deppresion, Anxiety, and Anorexia

Paring: Lucifer x f/Mc

Also the way I right Luke is supposed to be taken platonically.

(Mc’s Pov)

Life had been shitty lately a lot more shitty than usual. I suppose it started when I heard some of the other succubi talking about me in on the way to class.

“She’s so lucky!”

“I know why does that bitch get to live with the brothers?”

“What do they even see in her?”

Sure I shouldn’t have taken the comments so personally but hell I take everything personally. So thats when my self doubt started forming roots in my mind again.

Before devildom I already had a lot of unresolved trauma and pain but the brothers really helped me. They were there for me when I needed them and made me feel wanted however after Belphie escaped the attic things went downhill for me mentally. The situation caused me a massive relapse and I began my destructive habits again. It went unnoticed for the most part mainly because they didn’t know the full scale of my past. All they knew is that I struggled and was medicated but nothing else. Perhaps Barbatos knew but he never said anything and I don’t believe he truly knew what went on inside my head either.

Now in the present moment I am contemplating what the succubi were saying about me. They’re right, “what did they see in me?” Surely it wasn’t my looks. I’m decently smart but I have no work ethic. The only thing I know I’m good at is being kind yet I’m a bitch half the time. So that’s when it came back to my body. The thing I’ve always hated about myself because I was never skinny enough, tall enough, pretty enough, curvy enough. I was never enough for someone to care about me.

I started skipping meals here and there. I still ate 2 out of three meals but I figured losing weight couldn’t hurt but then before I knew it I was lucky to even eat once a day. I was always good at making myself lose weight but not so drastically that you could tell I starved myself. For the most part I seemed healthy. However since I was going unchecked it kept getting worse. First my curves disappeared, then it was my hips sticking out, after that my cheeks began to sink, and finally my hair began coming out when I brushed it. I knew what I’d done but I couldn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to hurt them and in the past asking for help only got me ridiculed or hurt.

“No one wants to here about your problems mc it makes us sad.”

“You wonder why I don’t like you!”

“You always beg for compliments!”

“Your fat anyway.”

Those words just kept circulating inside my mind and wouldn’t stop. I wanted to get better I really did but it was hard to force myself to eat. However I couldn’t rely on anyone else for fear of hurting them or them hurting me so I stayed silent. That was until my ddd pinged and I received a text from Lucifer.

Lucifer: Please come to my study mc.

Mc: Uh sure... is everything alright?

No response.

This is unlike Lucifer whats wrong? Is he mad at me? I guess I shouldn’t keep him waiting otherwise he will get mad. I got up and walked to his study inside the library. On the way I noticed the house of Lamenation was eerily quiet. There was no noise besides the sound of my feet walking through the hallways. When I arrived at the door to the study I was surprised to not only see Lucifer but everyone else?

Simeon resembled a worried parent, Luke seemed confused and angry, Diavolo was most serious I’d ever seen him, Barbatos stared at me with what I assume was pity, Solomon looked at me like I was a ghost. However the brothers appeared in worst shape. Mammon seemed on the verge of crying, Levi had guilt written over his face, Satan like Luke was angry angry, Amso was for once frowning, and Belphie and Beel looked disappointed. However I couldn’t read Lucifer’s expression but I could tell something was definitely off.

“Uh hey guys... what’s wrong you look like someone died or something?” I tried to laugh off the uneasy mood in the room but it was to no avail.

“Mc if you could sit down we have some things we must discuss with you.” Lucifer spoke solemnly

They had to have figured it out. Of course I knew this would come out eventually but it still felt like a stab to the heart none the less. I sat down not even listening to the others words. All my energy was focused into not breaking down in front of them but I’d stayed “strong” for too long and tears began to silently fall down my face. The talking stopped and I felt them all look at me which just made the tears fall harder. I felt my wall crumbling down as the final straw on the camels back was placed. I just cried for what felt like hours. Once I began to calm down I finally spoke in between sobs and breaths

“I-.... I’m so-...sorry.”

The room became silent once more. No of them knew how to respond to the broken girl infront of them

“I just didn’t want to burden you guys.... you have your own problems and don’t need to put up with mine” “nor would you want to” I mumbled the last part but I didn’t go unheard.

Luke got up and ran over to me enveloping me in a hug. He just stood there hugging me as if he didn’t I would fade away. I just hugged him back feeling slightly better by the angel’s hug.

Simeon was the first to speak

“Mc we aren’t angry at you. I think I speak for everyone when I say we are worried.”

A silent agreement was exchanged throughout the room.

Diavolo spoke next

“While Barbatos wouldn’t divulge all of what he knew for the sake of your privacy he warned me that you needed an intervention.”

I chuckled halfheartedly knowing my hypothesis was indeed correct.

“Well I figured it would come to this eventually.”

*time skip*

“Can I go back to my room now?” I whisper

I wasn’t really asking rather I just said it and got up to leave. The others stayed still likely digesting the information I’d given them. I felt ashamed and exposed. I hated seeing how much my words affected them and I really needed to be alone at the moment. Eventually I made it to my room. Walking in I closed the door and just cried.

(Lucifer’s Pov)

No one bothered to utter a word after Mc left and no one went after her either. Eventually my brothers excused themselves to go where, I’m not sure. I couldn’t tell if it was minutes or hours that passed but Solomon, Simeon, and Luke left saying they should head back to purgatory hall. Which left Barbatos, Diavolo, and I alone in the study. For the first time since I’d known the prince I couldn’t tell what was going through his head. Barbatos eventually composed himself however and turned to me.

“I believe My lord and I should make our way back to the palace..”

I just nodded in agreement as the pair left me alone with my own thoughts. I’d never seen that side of Mc before. Of course I knew somewhat of Mc’s history either from her file or her own account but clearly things had been left out.

I eventually got up and left to go to my room knowing I wouldn’t be able to focus on my work even if I wanted to. On the way there I passed by Mc’s room and noticed the light was on. I debated knocking or leaving her alone when a voice called out.

“If your gonna stand at my door like a creep you might as well come in.”

And so I did.

“Hey Lucifer...”

“How did you know it was me?”

“Foot steps. I can tell who’s in the hallway by how they walk.”

“I see then.”

The room’s atmosphere felt awkward as neither one of us bother or start conversation. So I simply sat down on the floor across from Mc, who had her head in her knees. (The fetal position) Eventually she brought her head up to wipe tears from her eyes and said with a broken laugh.

“I’m sorry you had to seem me like this. I look pathetic right now..”

“Mc why do you say these things about yourself?”

“Why not it’s how I view my self Lucifer. I’ve heard it from your mouth before”

“I’m just a mere human.”

I cringed at the memory knowing she were right of course.

“Mc I-“

“You don’t need to apologize or explain I understand I pissed you off then. It was just an example”

Wanting to change the topic of discussion I asked her a question.

“Why didn’t you come to any of us?”

“Denial...”

“Denial of what?”

“That it got out of control.”

“Is that all?”

“Not exactly...”

“Would you care to elaborate?”

“I- just please don’t get angry...”

I silently nodded my head as a watched Mc loosen up a bit.

“I think it might be my lack of trust towards really anyone.”

Mc started looking into space as she continued.

“I’m terrified of needing people or letting people help me. Part of it is when I have in the past I ended up hurt and alone. So I stopped I started being the one to help others.... then I needed help and I was cast out like a piece of trash. According to them I was selfish for needing affirmation and love. So that was when I decided I didn’t need that again.”

I sat silently contemplating her words.

“I’m truly sorry mc.”

“I would say it’s fine but it’s not. It hurts like hell but that’s life isn’t it? You learn to love and trust then you get your heart stomped out like a burning ember. The people you love leave you or die and you can’t do shit about it.”

“Wait what do you mean by die?”

“You know this sounds awful but you should be thankful Lilith didn’t suffer... sure it hurts that she’s gone but you are able to remember her before then since her “death” was quick. Painless.”

“I’ve had to watch the people who were my Lilith for lack of better terms die and suffer for months or years. I watched their bodies grow weak and feeble. However I was a child then and couldn’t do anything.”

I didn’t know how to respond so we sat in silence until

“Why’d you tell me this Mc?”

“Honestly I don’t know. Likely it’s because my body is physically exhausted and my filter was turned off.”

I noticed the tiredness Mc was trying to hide for the first time.

“You should sleep mc.”

“That’s ironic coming from you Lucifer.”

“I’m being serious mc.”

“What are you going to do? Mak-“

She didn’t get to finish her thought as I picked her up and carried her to my room. I knew she shouldn’t be left alone and I wanted to make sure she would be alright.

We arrived at my room and I deposited her on my bed. I sat in on of the chairs by the fire figuring she’d want the bed.

“Ok but why is your bed more comfortable than mine? Like sis you don’t sleep wtf!”

I just sighed knowing she was probably out of it but she was kinda of adorable when pouty.

Eventually she quieted down and her breathing became slower.

Mc’s POV:

“Mc you need to wake up”

“Five more minutes”

“Mc wake up!”

I felt the covers being ripped off. A dick move really.

“Ahh I’m up I’m up asshole!”

Wait why is Lucifer looking down at me? Why am I in his room? Shit I cussed him out. Well death never seemed that terrible

“Well if you’re awake now you need to come downstairs to eat breakfast. No, you can not object to this either.”

With that he left probably to go make sure the house isn’t on fire. I walked over to his bathroom and splashed water in my face to wake me up and noticed how emaciated I appeared.

Where my cheeks always so pronounced? Or when did my eyes start looking glassy and dark? I brushed it off not wanting to delve deeper into my insecurities. So I made my way to the dinning room. When I got there all conversation stopped and 7 pairs of eyes shot in my direction. I awkwardly made my way to the table and sat down.

I tried eating breakfast but it’s always been something I’ve never been able to stomach. I honestly never feel hungry when I wake up and it’s not like devildom food is exactly tasty. I was about to get up to leave when

“Mc you need to eat more.”

“Lucifer is right mc.”

“Ok...”

I sat back down and tried to eat what was on my plate but couldn’t so I sat there looking at it. I looked over to mammon’s plate and noticed how much food his had compared to mine and figured at least one of them knew it was a process to get me to eat again.

“I really can’t eat anymore otherwise I might be sick.” With no objections I got up and took my plate to the kitchen.

As I was washing it in the sink slowly some of the brothers came in aswell. First Asmo offered to take me shopping but I didn’t feel up to it. Then Satan asked if I wanted to go to the library again I didn’t exactly want people to see me like this so I declined. So levi offered we could play video games or something and I took him up on his offer.

He made sure I ate lunch that day which I honestly forget about sometimes. By the end of the day the other brothers excluding Amso, Satan, and Lucifer were all piled in Levi’s room.

Belphie was passed out in the bathtub of all places. Mammon was trying to impress me with his video game skills and Beel was munching on snacks behind us. It felt normal.

Eventually I got tired of it and decided to have some alone time. I was on my bed watching tik toks. (But fr tho I do have a problem with tik tok) Laughing at some etc when a knock was at my door.

“Come in”

I said this without looking up figuring it was beel looking for snacks or even Satan wanting to come in here and read. When I didn’t hear anything I looked back up from my phone surprised to see Lucifer standing there.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I just heard laughing and was wondering is you were alright.”

“Oh yeah sorry about that I’m just watching stuff in my phone.”

“Would you mind if I joined you?” He smirked

Damn not that smirk. Stop blushing Mc you got this. It’s just Lucifer.

“Uh... sure...”

Damn that wasn’t smooth.

End. (Unless I am asked to make a part two)

So I’ve been working on this for a while because I’ve wanted to make something actually decent. I wanted to do a happy ending and remind you guys that you’re amazing. And no matter who you are you’re loved and remember that.

- Caroline



[redhawtriot]

Caught in The Act (Bakugou x Reader)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

Bro, these get longer and longer😭 I am so sorry, but I enjoy myself way too much writing these! Plus, this will be the last one for a while! The next poll is open for a few days longer than the last (since this is about the halfway point of this interactive series!) I have a few different endings in mind😈

Anyway, thank you for voting for the last part, even though it got a little heated between the 750+ of you☺️

If it’s not the choice you wanted, there will be quite a few more opportunities to vote and get your way, so don’t worry your pretty little booties❤️

HnM💕

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Part 3:

“Hey… wha’s wrong, best buddy? Holy hell, w-why are you crying?!” Kirishima loudly whispered. A loud rumble could be heard before he violently gagged, releasing the contents of his stomach, “Oh, God,” he croaked before gagging again, “I am so sorry.”

Bakugou didn’t even bother looking at him before he turned his back and harshly faced away. The blond aggressively dried his eyes with the back of his hand-- muttering a stream of curses through gritted teeth. He deeply hoped that that damn idiot would forget this night ever happened,

“Go to bed, shitty hair,” he snapped, still refusing to look at him, “Sober up so you can clean that shit up, because I sure as hell am not doing it for you,” he pointed to the mess of bile on the floor so hard that his weight followed after his finger, causing him to stumble. 

“You’re the one to talk,” Kirishima giggled as he scratched the back of his head. His best friend didn’t even attempt to retort an aggressive defense and only stared at the ground with a much softer glare than normal. Something had to be very wrong with him.

The redhead sympathetically reached out to him, but Bakugou immediately swatted him away and roamed off in another direction,

“Hey, why you cryin’, man? What’s wrong?” Kirishima called out to Bakugou as the latter continued to walk away from him— instantly tensing up,

“Nothing,” he spat as he entered Kirishima’s room and began rummaging for pants. Kirishima’s clouded mind didn’t even notice that he was naked until then.

“Hey, bro,” Kirishima followed Bakugou to his dresser. He reached out to his friend, placing a hand on his shoulder to both steady himself and comfort the blond, “I am not judging you I just want to he—”

“I SAID NOTHING, DAMMIT!” Bakugou snapped, smacking a clumsy Kirishima’s hand away before angrily stomping a few feet away to clothe himself. He slid down the hallway wall and took a seat to face your door, sending a weak glare in that direction.

Kirishima mindlessly followed after him and found a seat by his side, “Why aren’t you going inside then?” Kirishima shrugged as he struggled to keep himself from leaning.

“None of your god dammed business.”

“Oh…” Kirishima’s eyebrows were raised suddenly. He drunkenly blinked a few times, “You’re in trouble?!” he concluded incredulously, “You guys have never fought before, dude! What happened!?” he slurred loudly.

“Nothing!” Bakugou’s furrowed and defensive eyebrows dropped sadly for a few beats, before he could fix them.

Kirishima knew his friend more than Bakugou would like to give him credit for, “I-Is she okay?” he dragged himself up to his feet, “I can only imagine how much she’s hurting if you’re crying like this.” his words seemed to sober substantially. 

“I’m okay, dammit. We are okay!” Bakugou threw his glare towards the ground before throwing his arms up to rest on his knees. His heart felt extremely heavy as he spoke for some reason. It was like when a lie hung heavily on his chest, but that couldn’t be the same feeling. He was sure that he wasn’t lying. The two of you were going to be okay.

Right?

Of course, you were.

Bakugou determinedly threw his head up towards his best friend, “Just go to sleep, you alcoholic!” he demanded in a slur before noticing that Krishima was not in the same place that he once was. He made a quick sweep of his surroundings and saw Kiri leaning with his ear pressed against your bedroom door, “HEY, bastard!! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

“Shhhh,” Krishima smashed a drunk finger against his lips, “She is crying Bakugou! I can hear her!!” the man’s face was twisted in utter terror as he looked back and forth from Bakugou to the door. He shook his head in disbelief as he grabbed onto your door handle, “I-I am gonna go in there and help her—”

“No! Stop, dammit,” Bakugou practically threw himself up and over to Kirishima before he could open your door. The two intoxicated men struggled against each other for a bit before Bakugou finally overpowered him and snatched him away.

“What’s your problem, Bakugou?!” Kirishima had yet to accept his loss and continued to struggle against Bakugou’s grip, “She needs our help!” 

Bakugou gave him one final shove before choking up, “I fucked up, okay!?” He blurted with tears in his eyes.

The man anxiously grabbed his own hair and leaned back against the wall before once again painfully writhing down it as sobs dared to fly out from the back of his burning throat, “I… really fucked up.”

“How—” the word became stuck in Kirishimas mouth. Even inebriated, he knew that he would be overstepping his boundaries. Bakugou obviously wasn’t ready to talk about this. He hardly ever wanted to confront his mistakes, but in that moment, it seemed like it might have been more than just a simple mistake.

Whatever it was would have to be dealt with another day. But for now, all Kirishima could do was offer some encouraging words to his best friend.

The man sighed, “She really loves you, you know,” he began as he walked over to his crying friend and once more found a seat next to him. He continued with a soft, almost sad smile, “From the day she saw you. When, uh, we had our quirk tests the first day in Aizawa’s class? She lit up whenever you had your turn on the softball throw,” he smiled at the memory,

“She was always so calm and gentle, but she never really looked as happy as she did whenever you were involved, man,” Kirishima gave a sigh before softly throwing his head back onto the wall to watch the world spin. He gave a short laugh, “Even when she was dating Todoroki for that short while,” his smile slowly died down after a short silence,

“Whatever you did, she loves you, but it’s all on to you to fix it, man.  You gotta start putting more effort into her. You can’t just rely on the fact that she is super loyal to you. Stop taking her for granted.”

This automatically sent flames under Bakugou, “What are you fucking getting at?” he spat.

“Relax man, I live with you guys, remember?” his words became more slurred as his eyes fluttered shut, “I see things. All I am saying is that you are always going to have a part of Y/N’s heart. But… you have to show her that you are deserving of that or else... she is eventually going to leave us.”

“How do I even know if I am deserving of her? What if..” the thought became stuck in Bakugou’s throat. He had to swallow hard to get his words flowing again, “What if she deserves better than me, dammit? I love her I know I do, but the terrible things I do and say just fly out so damn naturally,” he choked out. As much as he hated to admit it, it had only been a matter of time before he did something so terrible to you.

Bakugou angrily bumped his head against the wall behind him as tears continued to roll down his face, “I am such a fucking idiot. Fuck, I want to hold her and kiss her and tell her how much she means to me every day, but it’s like something in my DNA prevents me from doing that—from focusing on anything other than winning,” the blond shook his head in complete disgust at his own thoughts, 

“What if all this time I thought that my relationship with her was holding me back from becoming the number one hero, when really, I was the one holding her back from being happy?” he finished as he looked over to his best friend.

However, Kirshima was already sound asleep, his head leaning awkwardly on the back wall.

Yes. Bakugou knew that he was a raging mess of a man. He knew that he didn’t deserve you, but he never wanted it to get to the point where you knew that too.

But as you stood in front of him with compete hatred in your eyes, about to abandon him, it was like all of his worst fears were coming to eat him alive.

“Please, don’t leave me…” he cried through gritted teeth as he buried his face into your stomach. He hated everything about himself right now. He was absolutely pathetic, and you had every right to leave his ass. He never should have looked at that woman,

“I-I am so in love with you,” he begged as he painfully gripped your waist. You were so good to him. You stayed with him through all of his shittiest moments—even when he was an ass to you. You were a complete angel—a blessing placed right in front of him that he had so foolishly tried to forsake so many times. God, you were the most beautiful thing that had ever happen to him.

So why then, did he fuck everything up so badly? He was complete and utter trash, yet you always still saw the best in him. He prayed that you could find the best on him just one more time, “Don’t give up on me…” tears finally could freely roll down his cheeks as he sobbed loudly into you.

Words couldn’t find their way out of your mouth. The many thoughts seemed to congregate in a massive mess in the forefront of your brain and became stuck in a traffic jam on the tip of your tongue.

Your lips fumbled over themselves, and nothing came out but disgruntled noise as you looked at the broken man in front of you.

The sight of him broke your heart to pieces.

No.

He broke your heart to pieces already. And still hasn’t even properly apologized to you.

“Bakugou,” you softly called out to him before he reluctantly looked up to your face. His wet eyes shimmered with only a glimpse of hope, but as soon as you grabbed his hands that were gripped around your waist and threw them off of you, that little hope died,

“You cheated on me—unashamed and unprotected. I deserve more than that. I deserve love, and... you can’t give that to me right now,” you choked out, your words not fully convincing even yourself. You had to dig deep within you to find resolve. You took a deep breath, 

“I’m... I’m leaving,” you said lowly as tears streamed down your face. His wet cheeks matched yours as you promptly turned back towards the front door and left with nothing but your slippers, phone and car keys.

Bakugou couldn’t help but to stay frozen as he watched your form disappear behind the cold metal frame of the door. That couldn’t have just happened.

As minutes of him staring blankly at the door passed by, reality seemed to slap him in the face. He threw his head down to the ground as heavy and painful sobs ripped through his chest.

You weren’t faring much better as you tried to blink your blurry vision away and focus on the road in front of you as you drove. You didn’t even know where to go.

You couldn’t go to Jirou’s. She would probably go crazy on Bakugou and you had had enough yelling within the last 24 hours. Plus, it was way too early in the breakup for that. You honestly had very little faith in yourself that you would be able to maintain permanent distance from the man you love.

Loved?

No, the debilitating pain in your chest most definitely proved that the word was in present tense. You fought a sob from freeing itself from your sore throat as you frantically patted at your lap in an attempt to find your phone.

God, who could you call right now?

All of your friends but Jirou were just as close to Bakugou as they were you. You didn’t want to put anyone in the middle of your mess, but you felt like you were about to explode—like the sobs and tears could only release so much pressure. It wasn’t enough. You needed to vent, but to who?

You mindlessly dialed one of your contacts,

“Hello?! Y/N?”

“T-Todoroki...? Can you talk right now?” you croaked. You instantly tried to fix your voice through a subtle cough, “You sound… active. Are you busy?” you faked poise.

 Yes, of course you knew that the ex-boyfriend card was way low, but you guys had honestly only dated for about three months ages ago in high school and had stayed close friends even after that. It wasn’t until your engagement to Bakugou where your friendship had eventually faded away—much to Bakugou’s enjoyment.

“No! Of course we can talk!” he gently argued. You could hear a lot of noise on the other end of the call before he continued, “I am just… surprised is all. It’s been a long time, after all,” he finished, but you could still hear a noise in the background. Were those sirens?

“Yeah, I know and I am really sorry for calling so suddenly,” you apologized, ignoring the distractions on the other line, “I just.. I don’t have anyone to talk to right now,” your eyes widened as you realized how terrible that must have sounded, “Not that you’re my final resort or anything I--!”

“No, it’s okay. I understand. So, what is it that you need to talk about?” he answered. As soon as he finished speaking you could hear screams on his side of the line.

“I—um,” the distractions were becoming too much for you, “Todoroki? Are you—uh, busy right now?”

“Truthfully, I am at work right now,” you could almost hear his familiar soft smile on the other end, “but it’s nothing major, just stopping a bank heist.”

“BANK HEIST!?” you gasped, before a laugh made it’s way from you. You were finally able to sniffle some of your tears away as the corners of you lips widened into a smile, “Oh my God, It’s really okay, Todoroki. It’s not that importa—”

“No, really, Y/N, it’s fine!” he interrupted,  “You seem to be very upset. I would like to help you in any way that I can... Why don’t you come over to my house, so that we can properly talk? I’ll try to wrap things up on my side and meet you there as soon as I can.”

As soon as he finished speaking, your phone dinged. You quickly flashed the device towards your eyes as you tried to mind the road ahead of you:

My Son: Hey. I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were alright! Bakugou is throwing an absolute fit right now so maybe I should leave and give him space now😅... We can meet up at our diner and you can get me up to speed on…

“Y/N? You remember my address, right?” Todoroki snapped your attention away from the rest of the text, but you got the jest of it. 

So, Kiri wanted to meet up as well, huh? But... were your really ready to face him?

You felt humiliated by just the thought.

Do you meet up with ex-boyfriend Todoroki? Or Best friend Kirishima?

YOU DECIDE!

Click this link to cast your vote!

[butterflyinthewell]

So I’m working on a fanfic about Hannibal being diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s and Will struggling to come to terms with that.

I’m realizing it’s really a commentary on how society treats people whose brains work different.

There is no point where Will loves Hannibal any less and he never sees him as less than human, but doctors and other people do.

Most of the story is from Will’s POV, (I start each chapter in Hannibal’s memory palace as it’s crumbling) but I have Hannibal’s perspective running in my own mind too when we watch him through Will. So when Alzheimer’s causes Hannibal to act weird, I know exactly what he thinks he’s doing or where he thinks he is in place / time, and his behavior makes perfect sense according to where / when he thinks he is. Will and the readers won’t have that side of it, so to them it seems Hannibal doesn’t know how to behave. He has his lucid moments where he’s acutely aware that “I have Alzheimer’s and my brain is failing me”, though they diminish as his brain deteriorates. But he really doesn’t know what he’s doing when he’s not lucid, though sometimes he can remember it later and tell Will what happened. Those moments are heartbreaking.

So as an example of visible behavior vs what I know and don’t tell you: Will sees Hannibal smashing a rolling pin against the kitchen counter, but Hannibal thinks he’s cleaning up to prepare for a dinner party the next night and he’s frantic because there’s a lot to do and not much time, and he can’t get the counter clean. Once Will figures out Hannibal is trying to clean, he trades the pin for a sponge and helps him “clean”. Hannibal forgets why he was so frantic once they’re done, so now he can go to bed and sleep instead of keeping Will up by banging on the counter for hours.

You can’t reason with a confused person with Alzheimer’s once they’re past a certain point. It’s easier to just step into their reality and guide them gently in the direction you hope they’ll go. (Will is very hit and miss at doing this initially, but will get good at it later!)

Most people would suggest take the rolling pin away, but that would get in the way of the need Hannibal is trying to meet and lead to a fight. From his side it looks like Will is preventing him from getting ready for esteemed guests. Will trading the pin for a sponge is meeting Hannibal where he is, calming the anxiety he’s feeling and gently nudging him where he actually should go (to bed). Hannibal is happy with that because his need was met.

There’s another scene in a grocery store where Will doesn’t pay attention to Hannibal’s signals that this isn’t working, and it leads to Hannibal causing a bit of a ruckus. The store is restocking and there’s boxes and chaos everywhere. Hannibal can’t handle that, so he starts taking things out of the cart and putting them on the shelf like he’s at the checkout counter because that’s what you do when you’re about to leave the store. But Will misses that signal and puts things back into the cart, and suddenly a very angry Hannibal flips the cart over and hollers that “this isn’t correct” because he can’t access the language to explain he’s afraid.

Will has to talk him down from a panic attack and help him out of the store. Later, Hannibal is able to explain to Will that disarray frightens him because it looks like his memory palace, and when that happens he can’t tell his inner world from the outer world and doesn’t know which one he’s “speaking” to. But small bits of disarray become something Will can use to calm Hannibal down by giving him messy things to organize. (Hannibal is obsessive about organizing stuff, it’s soothing for him.)

Their love language evolves too. From speaking in metaphors to just speaking, then they progress to actions and finally end on touch.

Will needs to realize it’s less about what Hannibal is losing and more about what’s still there.

Hannibal is going to lose who Will is, but he never loses the fact that he loves him. Some days, he will look at Will and fall in love with him over and over like the first time he saw him in Crawford’s office, because in those moments every time is the first.

And that is what Will needs to realize. Their love hasn’t been lost.

Btw, Hannibal doesn’t stop being dangerous till the final stages of Alzheimer’s. He’s about midway through it when he almost mauls the staff at a hospital because they’re being nasty to him when he’s confused! (They chemically restrain him with Haldol and are super shitty liars about it). That experience is actually what gets Will to see that people are going to treat Hannibal like he’s not really a person anymore. Let’s just say the doctor who ordered the Haldol isn’t gonna survive. It’s Hannibal...that means people get eaten! 😌

Also, the fanfic starts after they’ve been married for 10 years, so the year is 2030 at the start of the fic. I’m writing this pretending the story of Hannibal began sometime in late 2010, Will pulled them off the cliff in 2015, they got some aliases to disappear and moved around America dodging the FBI for another five years.

The pre-story post-fall timeline goes like this:

December 2019: Will and Hannibal have been on the run for a long while, but they stop in Hawaii to have a nice, tropical Christmas. Hannibal can’t remember the volcano’s name is Kilauea.

January 1: 2020: They get married on the beach. It’s sort of spur of the moment, but they took the time to buy tuxedos and rings. Their tuxes are white with silver accents. Hannibal has a silver vest and bow tie. Will has a silver bow tie and cummerbund. They say their vows at sunset by the water.

Late February 2020: Will and Hannibal leave Hawaii for Cuba just as Covid-19 is hitting. They’ve already bought a house, so they move in. Both test positive for covid. Will stays asymptotic and never gets even a tickle in his throat. Hannibal gets the whole deal without getting sick enough to end up in the hospital, but recovers. He has some long covid issues, like shortness of breath and fatigue.

2022: Hannibal survives the widow maker heart attack and it’s discovered he had the heart attack because covid damaged his heart. He gets quadruple bypass surgery and spends a lot of time in ICU recovering. As he gets better he realizes his memory isn’t what it should be. Doctors tell him his heart stopping from the heart attack and the bypass surgery can sometimes cause some memory loss. Hannibal starts relying on his phone and GPS more and more. Will begins to suspect something is wrong, but the doctors reassure him that it’s temporary, so he lets it go.

(Fanfic begins here.)

2030: Hannibal is making mistakes in cooking, cleanup, paying bills and just everyday stuff, but he doesn’t think it’s weird. He blames “kids” when questioned about why he put dishes away dirty or burned dinner. Will is noticing things aren’t right, so he begs Hannibal to see a doctor. Will thinks it’s something solvable, like encephalitis or some other organ. But no, Hannibal gets looked over from head to toe, inside and outside, sent to a neurologist and finishes with his diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer’s. (He’s 58 at the time of diagnosis, but the disease process started when he was 48 and it was missed for so long because of the heart attack.)

As soon as he’s diagnosed, Hannibal starts making plans for Will to be his medical power of attorney, in control of their bank account, in charge of his advanced directives, etc.. He sort of drops it all onto poor Will, who barely gets time to absorb the news before he’s signing stuff. Will is in a tailspin of emotions.

It’ll take Alzheimer’s 20 years to chew through Hannibal’s brain. It’s not always gonna be pretty or easy to watch. At the end it becomes clear Hannibal is waiting for something, and he passes as soon as those final needs are met. Hannibal always has to have control of something, right? Right!

I’m gonna throw all your feelings into a washing machine and spin them. It’s what I’m good at with fics like this.

Anyway...

I have very specific images of how Will and Hannibal look at the start of the fic. Will is still pretty af, but a lot less friendly looking, and Hannibal looks like a scruffy Norse dad.

The most beautiful part about writing this (for me, anyway) is watching how Will learns to understand Hannibal’s communications as his language abilities deteriorate. He will continue to see and hear him even when most other people won’t try to watch or listen. He learns to be less “stop that, it’s annoying” and more “what need isn’t being met and how can I meet it? How can I step into his world to be with him where he is?”

Finally, their wedding song is important to the story. This was their first dance song. It’s their song. Will sings it to Hannibal a few times in the fic, and if he plays it on his phone it can break through the Alzheimer’s fog and take Hannibal back to the bank safe in his memory palace where he keeps their wedding day. Yup, he keeps that memory in a safe and it’s the last thing to go. ❤️

[crushedbyhyperbole]

Indomitable

Pairing:   Sebastian Stan / Plus Size Reader

Words:  1.5k

A/N:  Written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club​ endless quarantine as long as there are prompts we’ll write them thingy, and a prompt from @prunes-said-bucky​.  I’ve never written Sebastian before, never really considered it TBH, since he’s not just a character to play with but hey, I gave it a shot.  Hope it’s not horrific.

Warnings:  Angst, body shaming, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, strong and confident plus size reader, emotional support, kissing and teasing, no smut.

There is a section that contains a list of body shaming comments.  This is a block quote with ######### at the start and end, so feel free to skip over those if you are so inclined.

***FINAL REMINDER TO READ THE WARNINGS FOLKS***

Sebastian slumped back in his chair.  The computer screen glared at him accusingly as bile rose in his throat.  He did this.  He failed to protect you.  His career, and the whole shebang that went with it; toxic.

There were good parts, hell, there were great parts, but this… this wasn’t one of them.  His fans were usually great.  Kind, accepting, fun, keen, and dedicated.  He loved Winter’s Children and gave as much of himself as he could while maintaining a balance that kept him sane.

You were part of that. Far removed from the lime light, you were a nobody.  A regular person.  Not tied to the entertainment industry in anyway other than being his girlfriend. The world barely knew you existed and he worked hard to keep it that way.

Until now.

“Hey, sweetie!”  You knocked on the study door after letting yourself into his apartment, peeking in to see him at his desk.  “You need anything?  I’m just about to make some fresh coffee.”  You smiled knowingly; he loved his coffee

“Oh, hey, yeah sure.” Sebastian scrambled to shut the screen off so you wouldn’t see what he was reading.  “Thanks, babe.”  He smiled back.

“Oooohh, was that porn?” You smirked, coming to stand behind him, resting your hands on his shoulders and feeling tension there.  “Discovering something new you want to try, huh?”  You teased a little to lighten the mood. Something had him stressed out.

He sighed, leaning his head back to rest against your stomach.  From there he looked up at you, past your boobs, with worry in his big blue eyes.

“I wish it was porn.”

“Skype audition not go so well?”  You massaged his taut trapezius until he moaned lightly, relaxing under your touch.  You slid your hands into the neck of his shirt, smoothing them over his chest, feeling the light prickle of stubble where his chest hair was starting to grow back in.  “Want to talk about it?”

He wrapped his hands around your wrists, stilling you gently.  The nervous lick of his lips concerned you.

“Oh, the audition went great.”  He sat up, swivelling his chair to face you where he tugged on your hips to sit you across his lap.  “It’s what came after that I need to talk to you about.”

You could see something was really eating him up but you let him get to it in his own time.

“I spoke to Elaine.”

“Social media manager, Elaine?”  You knew every member of team of people who Sebastian relied on in his career. Elaine had been with Seb for years, helping him managing his social media presence, and she was very good at what she did.

“Right.”  He stroked your lower back absently.  “Well, I called her because some pictures got out.  Of us.”

You knew he tried to keep you separate from all the media stuff.  He needed a safe haven, and he also didn’t want to ruin your life with paparazzi hounding you and gossip sites dissecting your whole existence.

“Of the other week when we went out comet watching and ended up getting jiggy in the back of your car?” You teased.

He laughed, scrunching his face up in that cute way you loved.  “No.”  He grinned. “Surprisingly, not that.”

“Phew,” you play acted utter relief, “thank heavens my tatas didn’t make it onto TMZ.”

“You’re amazing, you know that right?”  He squeezed his arms around your waist.

“Yeah, I know,” you beamed, “caught you, hook, line and sinker, didn’t I?”  You murmured into his hair, pressing a kiss there.  “What’s up?”

“I don’t really know how to deal with this, y/n.  It’s everything I’ve always tried to shield you from.”

You tightened your arms around his shoulders, reassuringly.  This really wasn’t like him at all.  “Just show me.”

 The pictures were fine. Seb and you, sat on a wall by the banks of the Danube, eating charcoal black ice cream in the sun.  Holding hands by the stalls of a street market. Him stealing a kiss while you laughed at something he said.  They were older photos from a trip you took to Romania the year before.  You smiled, remembering the fun you had there.  Seb’s boy-like exuberance as he rediscovered his country of birth with you.  They were great memories.

It was the bitchy comments that he was concerned about.

##########

Why would someone as hot as him be with someone like her?

Ikr, she fat

Who is she?  Nvr seen her b4

Not surprised we’ve never seen her.  I’d be embarrassed to bee seen with her too.

Pity fuck

Maybe it’s for a role.

Guurrrllll… Swap that ice cream for a salad.

She’s disgusting! Sebby what are you doing?!!!

Look at that fat body! What a waste of a pretty face…

Pretty? Lol pretty ugly.

What does he see in her?

He looks younger in this. Must’ve already dumped her fat ass.

She’s curvy?  Maybe he likes that. Not my cup of tea though.

Curvy like the Michelin man lol

Definitely not the right clothes for your body type sweetie… dress appropriately.

Lost all respect for Seb now UGH!

Look at that cellulite!

Seabass meets a whale lol

##########

You glanced through the comments.  Most were positive but some were brutal.  You could see why he was upset by these.  He cared a great deal about his fans but this was making him consider if it was worth the effort.

Sebastian swallowed nervously, looking up into your eyes.

“You’re worried about how I feel about this?”

“Of course I am.”  His tone was pleading.  “I love you.  I never wanted you to get dragged into any of this crap, but look at them!”  He was getting agitated.  “I’m going to tell Elaine to take it all down, I’m done.”

“What’s that going to prove, huh?”  You soothed.

“Nothing.  But it’ll be gone, right?  No more fan stuff if they can’t respect both of us.”

“I dunno, it seems a shame to deprive your good and loyal fans of their sexy seabass,” you winked at him, “besides if the things people did online got to me I’d have drawn a line in the sand at some of that filthy dirty fan fiction they like to write.”

“C’mon, y/n, I’m being serious,” he begged with his eyes.  “They can’t talk about you like this.  It’s shitty and they’re completely wrong.”

“Babe.”  You levelled a steady gaze at him.  “I don’t care what these people think.”  Stroking your fingers soothingly through his hair, you scratched and massaged gently.  “The only people whose opinions matter about any of that stuff are right here in this room, okay?”

Seb sighed and hid his face in your plush bosom, and for a while neither of you spoke.  He relaxed, breathing slowing until you thought he’d fallen asleep.  You trailed your fingers across the back of his neck and to the sensitive place below his ear.

“If you keep at that there’s going to be trouble.”  Muffled against your chest you could feel him smirking.

“I like trouble.”  You whispered with a cheeky grin as he lifted his head.

“Thanks for distracting me.” He stretched up to place a chaste kiss on your lips.  “I think I know what to do.”

“Oh?”  You chuckled as he scooted the wheels of the chair closer to the desk with you still in his lap.  You tried to give him some space but he held you firm.

“Stay put,” he shifted so you were stable again, “this’ll take 2 seconds.”

Sebastian fired off an email to Elaine, letting her know everything was fine.  You weren’t concerned by the comments but he suggested letting a few of his top most trusted fans to help moderate the official site.  Let them get invested in the two of you as a facet of his brand.  You were definitely here to stay.

He counted himself the luckiest man alive to have found someone so caring, kind and gentle as you, but also someone so confident and steadfast.  Your spirit was unbreakable.  You were his rock, the foundations on which he grew and thrived.

 “So, now that you’re done righting wrongs, what’s the plan for today?”  You asked sweetly.  “You asked me to sleep over on a work day, so…”

“Well, first of all,” he eyed you mischievously, “I’m going to reiterate how much I love every single inch of you.”

“I like the sound of that,” you simpered.

“Do you?”  He teased.

“I do.”

“Good,” Seb nuzzled your neck seductively.  “Then we’re going to go out to eat,” he nipped your ear with his teeth.  “I made reservations.”

“Sounds… public.”  You sighed, distracted.

“Don’t care.”

“Okay…”

“And then,” he pulled back to look you in the eyes.  “Then, I want to talk to you about getting a place together.”

“You had this planned? You kissed him between sentences.

“I did.”

“Seems rushed.”

“Four years is plenty long enough,” he murmured.

“Ok,” you smiled against his lips, “but I’m keeping my apartment.”

“Of course.”  He slid his hands into your hair ready to deepen the kiss but paused.  “Where else is all your craft stuff going to live?”

Laughter rang out as you swatted at him and he tickled your waist.  The world could do whatever the hell it wanted.  As long as you both had each other, there was nothing else you needed, and nothing you needed to prove.

[meigh-day]

Breathing Lilies (Tendou x Reader) - Part 6

Here is Part 6. Hope you enjoy this Tendou focused chapter. Also, “The Girl” finally has a name...

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Title: Breathing Lilies

Characters: Tendou/Ushijima/OC Students/F!Reader

Includes: Hanahaki Disease, Angst

Status: Complete

Word Count: 1.6k

Previous Next

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"Dammit Tendou!!" Goshiki grumbled petulantly as he watched the ball leisurely roll by his feet.

"Awe. Cheer up man." Tendou peered through the net at his teammate. "If you really want to be the ace you'll have to get through me." The way he said it. You'd almost take that as a threat but they knew it wasn't. It was simply a challenge. Goshiki wanted to surpass Ushijima some day and Tendou was happy to encourage him in his own way.

"Hmph...whatever. Let's clean up." Despite how sullen he was acting, the black haired boy felt inspired. He would keep trying, if only to see the shock on Tendou's face when he spiked a balk right past him.

Once the gym was put back in order and they'd said their goodbyes, Tendou and Ushijima found themselves together on the walk back towards the dorm.

"Wakatoshi..."

"Hm?"

Satori slowed his face, glancing over at his friend before continuing his thought.

"Is something wrong with Y/N?"

Ushijima kept his expression neutral but was pleased to hear he was starting to notice.

"Did she say something?"

"Well, she kinda got mad at me the other day." Here he paused, thinking about what you had said and, when prompted by his stoic faced friend, explained.

"I didn't get it as first but I think I'm starting to..." Again he paused, looking thoughtful doe a moment. "But, it wasn't just that. She seemed...off... I could feel her shaking and I mean I know she was mad...but I just don't think that was why. You must have noticed something's wrong with her too, right?"

"Yes." Wakatoshi stopped, their already slow pace halting completely. "You should talk to her. It might take some serious convincing on your part but...she needs you." It was just a tiniest trace of a hint, just a little encouragement to push in in the right direction. He was willing to try and give this a chance. One chance, before he took things into his own hands.

Tendou found his friends statement a little perplexing but it also didn't make him feel better. It seemed like Wakatoshi knew more than he was letting on but Tendou also knew there was no power in this wide world that could make his friend talk. If Ushijima was going to tell him whatever it was, he simply would have told him.

"I'll do or say whatever I need to, to get her to listen to me...."

The following day Tendou stood anxiously in the corridor near your class, his beady red eyes peeled just waiting for his moment to pounce. He was going to be relentless, he'd drag you off against your will if he had to. It didn't matter if you hit him or yelled at him or ever cried, he wasn't going to let you do until he'd coaxed it out5 of you.

"Uh...Tendou..." He spun around and came face to face with 'her'.

"Oh, hey Sumi." A smile greeted her as he looked down at her but she didn't return it. Instead she signed and motioned for him to follow her.

"Can this wait? I was waiting for Y/N...need to talk to her." He took a few hesitant steps forward, glancing around the hallway hoping to catch sight of you.

"No. I'm sorry but it can't. It has something to do with her actually...please."

He offered her a quiet nod and followed her into the closet empty room. Once inside, and she was sure the two of you were alone, Sumi let out a sigh, facing away towards the windows. All night she had thought long and hard about what she had done and what she had seen. To say she felt guilty just didn't cover it. People had called her selfish in the past and they had every right to do so. It wasn't that she was unfeeling but until now the only consequences of her actions had been hurt feelings or maybe some tears. This time, her self-centered actions were on the verge of costing someone their life. She hated herself for it.

"I made a mistake. I lied to you about..everything."

"What..are you talking about?"

"I...was never really interested in going out with you. Honestly, I wanted to try and get closer to Ushijima so I pretended to like you."

She tried to keep her voice even as she spoke. It was the first time she'd ever had to come face to face with what a shitty person she was. Her gaze in the windows caught the reflection of his face and his expression just cemented that fact even further.

Tendou looked absolutely crushed. He could have handled it if she had said he just wanted her type or that she didn't feel the same. But to find out he more or less meant nothing to her, well it made him feel insignificant.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me. I hope you never do but I am hoping to try to fix what I've done to Y/N."

"Y/N?" That got his attention. Amidst the swirling pool of emotions he was falling into, hurt by the cruelty of the girl before him had inflicted, it was all put on hold when she said your name. If Sumi had been heartless to him, he could only imagine what she might have done to you.

"What did you do to her?" His voice was low and heated, the harsh tone making her flinch away.

"I just...If it wasn't for me...If I'd left you alone...she might not have gotten sick."

That..was not what he was expecting. Tendou was ready for her to say she had said something horrible to her or bullied her in someway...not that she had made her sick.

"I...What?...How?"

Sumi sighed, you hadn't told him. Not that she was overly surprised. This wasn't her first time dealing with someone who had this disease.

"Tendou, I don't know what you and Y/N mean to each other..." She paused for a moment. "It really isn't my place to tell you..."

He listened to her hesitant words, a cold unease settling into the pit of his stomach.

"Please Sumi. What's wrong with her?" Satori's voice came out softer, the anger replaced with apprehension. The way she looked back at him, sympathy in her eyes, made him feel ill.

"She has Hanahaki."

"Hana....haki?" The name sounded familiar but he'd only heard it in passing. Though what he has heard was not pleasant.

"No. No that can't be right." He shakes his head in denial. "You..you're wrong. People only get that when....and...and we....I.."

"I know this is a lot to take in right now Tendou. I am, unfortunately, all too familiar with it. Hard to mistake it when you see someone coughing up flower petals and..." Sumi stop short, not wanting to finish her thought.

"And what?" He had to know. He needed to know what was wrong and he needed to know the truth. This was nothing like the things he had imagined might be bothering you. It was so much worse.

"...blood." Sumi let out a shaky sigh, averting her gaze. "My sister had it too. It was...awful."

Tendou ran a hand through his hair, his heart racing. He needed to know more so, for now, he put aside what she had done to him so he could focus on finding out more to help you.

"Your sister...did she get better?"

"No." Sumi crossed her arms along her chest as she thought back. " You'd be surprised by how many people choose to wait and hope. Instead of getting it removed my sister kept it. She loved them so deeply and couldn't bear to lose any memories they had made, including her feelings for them."

Silence. For several long seconds they stood there, neither of them saying a thing. Tendou's mind was racing. How long had you been sick and why hadn't you told him? Part of him felt hurt and sad you hadn't come to him. Though he could only imagine how hard this had been for you and he knew you well enough that he was certain you only did this to spare him more pain. Like Ushijima, he wished you would rely on him more and not try to do so much alone. Tendou wanted to be someone you could depend on, someone you would come to for help. He wanted you to let him help you shoulder your troubles.

"What...happened to her?" It was a pretty shitty question to ask under normal circumstances but he needed to know if there was any hope and Sumi's feelings didn't matter right now. She glanced back over at him, her lips pressing into a line before falling into a frown.

"She died. The roots kept spreading and the flowers bloomed and grew until they suffocated her." Her voice trembled as she spoke but she didn't care that you had asked. Honestly, she was willing to do whatever it took to help you. Hoping she could give you a chance to live, hoping you didn't meet the same end as her sister.

"Tendou, do you really only think of Y/N as a friend?" She paused for a moment, her thoughts wandering. "When I watched the two of you, I honestly didn't think this fucked up plan I had stood a chance. You guys just looked like you were...together. And the way you look at each other..." Sumi paused, an imagine in her head stilling. Even before she had decided to enact her malicious plan, she had seen the two of you almost everyday and couldn't help wishing someone would look at her the way he looked at you.

"You look at her like you're watching a sunset." Tears began to gather at the edges of her eyes.

" I hate what I've done to you...to her." Sumi could never go back and change the things she had done but she was going to try and make amends, starting with you. As she turns to go, Tendou stops her with one final question.

"Can I actually save her?"

"That all depends on you."

[sinceyouaskedme]

Thoughts on The College Tapes episode 13:

(Heads up: this episode contained a lot of content focused on the Adam/Caleb break up. Skip this post if you’re not ready to read about that right now.)

How would we classify Beck’s ability? If it’s not tied to what the person actually remembers, but is more objective, than it’s not a psychic ability. Would we say it’s dimensional? It’s time...something. Not time-travel, but time-viewing? I’m curious how this would work on Sam.

[deep breath] Okay, this huge memory montage of the slow decay of the Adam/Caleb relationship. Woah boy, how do I even talk about this?

First I want to say it is truly excellent that Caleb’s talent for derailing the main plot with his relationship drama has now transcended the barriers of space and time. Love that for all of us. 

Also want to pull out at the top here the thing memory!Adam said about getting face time with authors. Does Adam want to be an author? I want to know more about that, I don’t think we’ve ever heard him say anything about his writing aspirations before!

God, the way Adam was CONSTANTLY checking in to make sure Caleb could still feel his love hit me like a knife to the gut. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a person so consistently say and do absolutely everything right and get nothing at all in return the way Adam did in these memories. There was literally no way for him to win. When Adam was happy, Caleb shut down, and when Adam tried to get Caleb to open up about it, Caleb put more distance between them, and when Adam tried to reassure Caleb that that was fine and he still loved him, Caleb decided to walk away. Fuck.

I thought before that Caleb had ended the relationship because he felt Adam doubting that he (Adam) loved Caleb, but that’s wrong. Adam’s love for Caleb never wavered. What happened is that Adam trusted Caleb when he said he could feel Adam’s love, but Adam also saw that the relationship was falling apart, and so he came to the correct conclusion that his (Adam’s) love wasn’t enough to keep them together without Caleb doing his part - and what Caleb felt was Adam’s doubt that Caleb was willing/able to do that part. And then Caleb proved him right by breaking up with him.

I’m trying not to be angry with Caleb about any of this, because the ugly reality is that sometimes a person just develops a mental illness and it fucks them up hard enough that they don’t have the capacity to sustain interpersonal relationships the way they want to, and that’s nobody’s fault! (Same hat! We’ve all been there!) But I also can’t stop thinking about how different this all would have been if Caleb had at any point managed to just….tell Adam the truth about what was happening. It didn’t even have to be the whole truth! If he had just managed to say that his ability was being weird and he couldn’t rely on it the way he used to, I really believe Adam would have worked with him on that, would have helped him get help, would have figured out a way for them to get through it together. It didn’t have to get this bad. God, I’m so sad. I’m _so sad_

Oof, the line during the breakup scene where Adam was like “Yeah, I haven’t been depressed in a while because I finally got my meds figured out” and you can hear him thinking “but this is gonna screw that up - oh fuck, am I gonna have to adjust meds /again/?”. I felt that.

Anyway, if Mark really knew the whole time everything that was going on and he at no point forced Caleb to tell Adam the truth, then he’s a shitty friend. I think I’m going to choose to ignore that he knew, because his failure to intervene in a useful way here feels inexcusable.

[deep breath] great, that’s done, let’s talk about literally anything else now

Beck immediately understanding that Mark’s ability was probably difficult and overwhelming was nice. He sounds soft. And he’s hot? I like him for Mark. I’m making this my Mark ship for this series.

The full effects of the serum Mark took in TAMA weren’t permanent, but it did permanently make Mark’s ability duller. IDK exactly what that means but :/

I don’t understand what’s happening with the secret societies. The Vafi infiltrated Sodalis, which Beck thought was shut down but isn’t? Is Blackwell with Sodalis or Vafi? Or are they the same thing now? Who kidnapped Ben? Am I supposed to know who Neal is? Y’all, I’m so tired of this plot. 

This Mark/Damien memory scene was so good, but hearing Mark talk like he really believed Sam was a coma figment made my heart ache </3 Also when Mark asked Beck which memory of Damien he had seen, Mark sounded really scared. Man, that summer really hurt this poor guy something fierce. The rest of this conversation is kind of hard for me to follow because I haven’t read AND, but I will say I would love more of Mark pestering Beck for details on Damien’s history. 

If I knew anything at all about Beck tbh I think I’d be writing the fic where he pulls all the scariest memories of Damien (during the road trip summer and Safe House) from Mark and/or Caleb and/or Adam, and slowly pieces them all together while also slowly falling in love with Mark maybe idk idk don’t look at me, this ship already feels like a bad idea but I’m accidentally immediately super into it 

[henrylevesconte]

not to be evil but 50 for creamsicle dude

50- In the Afterlife

(Spoilers for Reservoir Dogs, language, and descriptions of wounds/violence) 

“I’m a cop, Larry.” Freddy chokes as his vision blurs, the second bullet burning a hole through his already injured stomach. He’s dying and no matter what words Larry says to calm him, he’s fucking dead when the cops finally get to him. 

Freddy had been painting the warehouse floor red for hours as the heist members bickered over what to do with him and now they were all dead except for White and Orange. Even if the LAPD bust through the door now and arrested an injured Mister White and managed to get Freddy to a hospital in time, he couldn’t live with himself. He couldn’t live with Larry, his Larry, believing they would serve jail time together, that he was right in killing Joe Cabot and Nice Guy Eddie. His soul was too heavy for him to die a liar.

The howl the older thief emits is the most heartbroken sound Freddy has ever heard and he sinks more into the older man’s lap, deflated and defeated. He can’t see him but he feels hot tears fall on his face from above. He tries in vain to grab onto his Larry, but his arms felt like jello, like he was trying to fight in a dream, punch underwater. He would be frustrated if he could feel anything at all besides the creeping coldness.

“I’m so sorry, oh Larry I’m so sorry.” Freddy chanted, over and over as he felt something cool press against his cheek. There was something happening in the distance but he could only hear Larry as he mourned for the person he thought he had fallen so deeply in love with. Freddy couldn’t blame him, he liked Mister Orange a hell of a lot better than the sad kid turned Cop Freddy Newandyke.

The younger man tried again, this time to tell him, to tell Larry his name like Larry did for him when the took the car but there was a loud sound outside that startled both men. The last sound Freddy heard before the world went entirely black was the sounds of his colleagues finally storming the building. Too little too late for him as he was another corpse in the ill-fated warehouse. Freddy Newandyke died a free man but an unhappy one, in the arms of the only person he had ever truly loved and the only man he had ever completely betrayed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freddy wakes up after awhile, not sure where he is or what happened, vague images of the last scenes in the warehouse playing over in his mind as he tried to adjust his wary olive eyes. His hands quickly flew to his belly burying them under his tank top and feeling for what he was sure was two bullet holes only to find the smooth freckled untouched skin, just as it had been the morning before everything went to absolute shit. His hands slowly retracted, feeling his torso before he rubbed his eyes with balled fists until he could finally see he was laying in his brightly lit, shitty little LA apartment. The walls were the aqua blue he remembered begging his landlord to let him paint the place and ultimately won. He let out of a nervous laugh that threatened to turn into a sob if he didn’t keep himself together.

“How the hell am I here?” Freddy contemplated as he reached across his bedside table, retrieving a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. The young man pushed back his light brown hair back, noting the absence of sweat and pomade before fiddling with the lighter. “Mother fucker.” He seethed, pink lips wrapped around the cigarette as he tried desperately to get the thing to actually light.

Maybe he was in hell and this was a very minor inconvenience but part of a larger punishment? After all he deserved what was coming for him. He was a liar, a murderer, a thief. And all of it was for vanity and respect from men who saw his profession as subhuman anyways. Who was he really trying to impress; the LAPD who thought he was better off being a desk jockey and undercover fodder or the mob boss that said every slur under the sun with his brat and team of psychopaths? Freddy ended up like the psychopaths more than he was willing to admit. He ended up liking Mister White even more but he didn’t want to think about him.

The young man managed to get the lighter to do its job, enjoying the relief nicotine brought to his high strung nerves as he settled back down against his headboard. He ran a thumb over the broken lighter, looking at it a bit more now that he had calmed himself out of an existential panic. It looked so familiar but surely it wasn’t his, Freddy had a habit of misplacing every lighter he owned, always having to rely on someone else for a light.

That’s how he first really met Larry Dimmick, behind the club Joe and Eddie had invited him out to where he told the most riveting fucking story of 1992. He was sweating through his leather jacket, worried sick that he got any part of the commode story wrong and trying to take a break from being the cool dope peddler. White met him outside, cool as cool can be, in his Hawaiian shirt, half unbuttoned and inviting. Dark hair slicked back and styled like he was some sort of old Hollywood gangster.

“Hey, kid. Need a light?” Freddy swallowed down his nerves before leaning into the older man, cigarette between his lips as it takes a few tries and one curse to get Larry to light him one. The whole time, Freddy looks up at him from under his eye lashes, studying the firm and handsome face of the thief, justifying it as he would need to pick him out of a line up later. Tracing over every line and mark, and occasionally meeting whiskey brown eyes when they weren’t focused on the lighter.

“Thanks, man..” He said muffled between the cigarette and trying to keep himself cool. Larry lit himself one next before leaning up against the alleyway, one foot pressed to the bricks to keep his balance. This mystery man (at the time) was the coolest mother fucker in LA and Freddy was already screwed.

“Hell of a story you told back there. I know we can’t exchange names, but I’d like to buy you a drink....”

“Larry????” The memory faded just as it has begun as reality hit him like a ton of bricks. Freddy squirmed, falling out of bed just as quickly as he had gotten up. The cigarette nearly abandoned and burning a hole in his beige carpet. He quickly recovered it, snuffing it out in an ash tray and rolling back onto his feet. He reached the door, throwing it open only to find the Mister White standing in his kitchen, coffee mug cradled in his hands as he greeted him.

“About time you got up, kid. I thought you were gonna sleep all day.” There was no malice in his voice, which hurt the younger man even more than if Larry had lashed out at him. Instead, he was pulling out a chair for him at his wobbly little breakfast table and pouring Freddy fresh brewed coffee in his favorite mug (the one with Wolverine on it). It was domestic, just like it had been before the heist when they broke the rules time and time again to meet up in Orange’s apartment. They became fast friends and even faster lovers. White was in his bed three days after meeting in the bar and every night since. And Freddy had gotten so used to waking up to fresh coffee made by the thief who always woke up much earlier than him. This scene was pulled straight from the good times, before the failed diamond heist, the chase, the bullets...

Freddy stood in the door way like a frightened animal, unwilling to get any closer and clenching the lighter in his fist. The older man sighed deeply, annoyed already but trying a different approach to coax him forward.

“I’m not mad at you, Orange. Not now. But I need to talk to you, you at least owe me a conversation.” He did. He really owed him so much more and he hated hearing his alias. So Freddy settled into the kitchen, perching on his chair but pulling his legs up to his chest as he exchanged the lighter for the mug.

“Freddy. Freddy Newandyke.” He said, he had been so careful with his name, unlike Larry who came to him with his heart on his sleeve from the start. “Please call me that.” Larry frowned, digesting the information before shooting him a classic smile. That was the thing that killed him (well he was already dead..) the most, how accepting his Larry was.. If he still was his Larry.

“I never pictured you a Freddy but now that I know, it suits you. Kind of cute.” Larry pulled out his own chair and sat next to him, the younger man just now noticed that he was wearing his own pajamas, they were both as they were before everything went to shit. “Well Freddy, what the fuck was that all about huh?”

Freddy sighed, burning his tongue on his still too hot coffee before he began his full confession.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They talked and established three things over four pots of coffee and a few packs of cigarettes:

They were dead, Larry had shot Freddy and the LAPD had shot Larry for it. And they were in some form of purgatory, Larry was more into the idea of it being a different plane of existence while Freddy was sure they were in the biblical definition of purgatory.

Freddy was a cop, the one feeding the police information about the heist the whole time but he was remorseful about it.

They loved each other still despite what happened.

Larry held his hand, rubbing his knuckles with a calloused thumb while Freddy choked out the last of it. He was a mess, worked up and teary eyed with his free arm flailing for emphasis with every “I’m sorry, I fucked up, I don’t deserve you.”

The older man shook his head and pulled Freddy into his lap, cradling him like he was on the warehouse floor again but with less urgency. Mister White wrapped an arm around his waist and used the other to cup his cheek.

“You broke my fucking heart, kid.” Larry whispered into his temple before placing soft kisses along his hairline. Freddy shuttered at the tenderness he truly did not deserve, he clung instead to Larry for dear life as he continued to whisper to him, “But I killed you so I’d call that even.”

“I’m sorry, Larry. I’ll never not be sorry about this. I love you so much..” He whimpered before being silenced by Larry’s lips on his own. He had missed them so much after getting caught up in a whirlwind of events, it felt like he was finally home. Here in Larry Dimmick’s arms and with his lips on his. Freddy could have sworn he felt his heart beat again. It was Larry who broke it off to brush the hair from his lovers face.

“We’ve got time, and I love you so much, Freddy, I’m willing to give it another try.” Larry smiled at him like he was telling the fake commode story and Freddy’s soul felt more free than he had in ages. Maybe this was heaven after all.

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 43: Vɪsɪᴏɴs Oғ Tʜᴇ Pᴀsᴛ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Forty-Three

Octavia and I rode in silence for several hours through the dense forest as I tried not to obsess over the new information. I had never considered an alliance with the grounders to be possible and I had to admit that I was impressed with Clarke for accomplishing such a feat. Octavia’s words turned over in my mind as I attempted to match her assertions that the grounders had a better way of living to the ruthless tactics that I had witnessed from them and had difficulty imagining how we could possibly live in any semblance of harmony. I was amazed by the difference in Octavia and from what I had seen so far, she had only improved but I was unsure if I could be as adaptable. As Bellamy had said, I wasn’t good at following rules and I leaned heavily toward following my heart over my head.

As we explored the wilderness, I lost track of time and eventually the sun started to lower in the sky. Octavia led us to an area that she had clearly frequented before and assisted me from the horse. I almost fell as my weak legs met the ground and she noticed that I strained to keep my knees from buckling beneath me. She fixed me with a concerned look but refrained from commenting on it as I shook the mistake off. I was shocked by the suffocating exhaustion that I felt and settled onto a nearby log as Octavia busied herself with building a fire. After a brief rest, I dragged myself up to assist in setting up sleeping arrangements and prepared the space for the night. We sat side by side at the fire as the last of the sunlight sunk below the horizon and ate our rations in a comfortable silence under the wonderful colours of the sunset.

“So, what’s your hurry to get away?” Octavia’s sudden voice cut through the relaxed atmosphere and I flinched at her continued prying. “You don’t look like you’re fully ready for this and I’d have expected you to be glued to my brothers side right now.” She spoke in the distant tone that had become normal for her and I continued to be surprised by the bluntness of her words. I sighed thoughtfully before I could form an explanation.

“I need to feel useful, I can’t just sit in camp whilst everyone treats me like an invalid.” I drawled and she shrugged in understanding. Although this was part of my reasoning, I knew that I hadn’t been entirely honest with her and forced myself to share the root of the problem. “Don’t get me wrong, I could easily have stayed with Bellamy. But it’s probably best for him to realise straight away that I’m not just going to hide out in camp after all of this. He needs to get used to me being out of his sight.” I divulged and Octavia chuckled under her breath.

“Good luck with that.” She scoffed and I raised a bow at her inquisitively. “I've been trying to do that for years. He’s overprotective, it’s just who he is. If my tracking skills weren’t sharp enough to know better, I’d expect to find him following us.” She commented and I snorted in laughter at this idea. “Get some rest, we’ve got a lot more riding tomorrow.” She advised with a gentle nudge.

I spent the night tossing and turning on the cold, hard ground. I’d already become used to the soft bed of Bellamy’s quarters and without the comfort of his arms around me I couldn’t settle. My mind was filled with terrible images of the numerous people that I’d killed in Mount Weather and I was haunted with the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I kept recalling the times that I’d been drugged, or captured and how I’d barely managed to fight for my life. The fact that my survival has seemed to hang so close in the balance made me feel weak and I bolted upright with a gasp.

It was unexpected to find that daylight was already breaking and that our supplies were packed to leave. I scanned the area to notice Octavia crouched by the fire sharpening her knife and the moment that she met my eyes, she efficiently stowed the knife in her belt and stood to hold a hand out to me. I allowed her to assist me to my feet and she inspected me with a hint of concern.

“I was about to wake you anyway, you were yelling in your sleep.” She explained in a tone that was prying as she raised a brow at me. I shuffled awkwardly on the spot and when it was clear that I had no intention of discussing it, she sighed. “We should move.” She instructed in her usual removed attitude and I nodded obediently.

We spent another couple of hours on horseback and the sights of the forest became less impressive in my tired state. I felt my waist beginning to ache from the strain of holding myself in the correct posture and my body was clearly demonstrating that the decision to make this journey had been unwise. I couldn’t help wondering how much longer this would take and found myself praying for the strength to make it back home. We slowed to a casual trot and I was glad of the reprieve from the bouncing motions of galloping. 

Octavia scanned the treeline suspiciously and just as I opened my mouth to question her, an arrow tore past me, barely missing my chest. I gasped and jolted backwards, causing the horse to throw me off. My back slammed onto the ground and I wheezed in shock as the impact knocked the wind from me. Octavia leapt from her horse and gripped my arm to gracelessly drag me into the trees. She dropped me against a tree trunk and although I leaned forward in an attempt to get up, I winced at a jolt of pain from my wound. Octavia drew her swords with a menacing expression and strode out to meet the small group that surged towards us with confident smiles.

She fell smoothly into a skid on her knees as she swiped the first two before leaping up behind them to finish them off. My mouth dropped open in shock at her finesse as she flowed around the confused group and eliminated them without even seeming to break a sweat. I felt my stomach flip as I noticed another small posse of attackers creeping up behind her and as I lurched forward onto my hands and knees with a cry of pain, I caught the sound of heavy footsteps. Barely moments later the familiar large statue of Lincoln burst through the trees to bulldoze the men sneaking up on Octavia. She turned and rolled over his back in a swift manoeuvre that looked like it came straight from an action movie and I struggled to comprehend exactly what I was seeing as they obliterated what remained of the enemies. Whilst Lincoln stalked the area to check for any stragglers, Octavia rushed over to my side and helped me to lean back against the tree.

“I knew it was too soon for you to be out here.” She scolded as she sharply pulled up my tops to inspect my wound.

“I’m fine, I just didn’t plan to be fighting for my life this soon.” I breathed with a light smile and her face softened once she had satisfied that I hadn’t done any damage. “Let’s just not mention this to Bellamy, I’ll never see the outside of camp again.” I suggested and I noticed a sly smile on her face as she caught my eyes.

“Deal, I don’t need a lecture either.” She smirked and I was immediately relieved that she’d been understanding. “There shouldn’t have been any fighting, what was that Lincoln?” Octavia commented over her shoulder as Lincoln’s hulking form approached.

“Ice nation. The commander is having issues bringing them into line after she allied with your people.” Lincoln explained and I noticed that her expression turned cold at his statement.

“Why? I thought it would be clear that the alliance is over after she left my people to die.” She growled with a bitterness that surprised me and my confusion was evident in my expression as I awaited an explanation. From my somewhat limited memory, it seemed that the grounders had played some role in our rescue and I was unsure how much of what I remembered was correct. 

“That’s as much as I could find out from the outside.” Lincoln confirmed in the controlled tone that always left me slightly mystified as to his meaning. Octavia signed with frustration as she considered me and I could tell that she was struggling to decide how to explain herself.

“The reason it took so long to rescue you all from the mountain, and why they had to resort to the radiation, is that Lexa made a deal with Cage to release all of the grounder captives in exchange for allowing him to keep you. She stood down her army and left only our forces behind, and even most of those gave up.” She recounted with a frustration evident in her body and I shook my head with a sigh.

“It’s a shitty thing to do but...I can see why she did it. I don’t know if I could’ve turned that offer down for my people.” I admitted and Octavia’s eyes widened in shock. “It explains what Bellamy mentioned about the plan going wrong at every step too.” I added thoughtfully.

“I refused to leave with Indra when the grounders retreated, that’s why I’m not her second anymore. Lincoln refused too. He actually escaped the grounders to help you all and now there’s a kill order on him for abandoning his unit.” She spoke bitterly and I shuffled in regret as I viewed the hurt in her face that she tried to cover. “No matter where our hearts are, neither of us can go back to Trikru.” She muttered and I furrowed my brows at her as she avoided my gaze.

“I’m sorry that rescuing us had such a high cost for you.” I whispered as I fiddled with my hands anxiously. It was already obvious to me how important her place with the grounders had become for her and I hated the thought that we had destroyed the one place that she felt like she belonged. She reached out to grip one of my hands and my gaze shot back up to her as she leaned into my space.

“It was worth it. I’d have given up whatever it took to save you.” She admitted with a squeeze of my hand and I smiled gratefully at her. She assisted me back to my feet whilst Lincoln busied himself with calming the horses.

“What was all of that anyway?” I asked as we fell into step together and she peeked at me in confusion. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. That. The crazy ninja shit you just did.” I revealed with a limited impersonation and I noticed a hint of amusement cut through her controlled expression.

“I already told you. I spent time with the grounders and trained with Indra.” She excused as she glanced away awkwardly and I scoffed at her poor explanation.

“Right, okay. Sorry I missed the part where you told me you’d become fucking Xena the warrior princess.” I drawled, earning a snort of laughter from Octavia that warmed my heart with nostalgia.

“I don’t even know what that is, but coming from you I know it’s probably some nerd shit. Loser.” She teased with a jab to my upper arm and I smiled at her fondly.

I was relieved when we finally reached our destination and completed the collection of medicinal herbs and various other supplies that Octavia stressed were worth the journey. My exhausted body rejoiced when her and Lincoln announced that we could head home and my heart leapt in anticipation of seeing Bellamy again soon. Although it had only been a day that we'd been apart, since the trials of Mount Weather I found that even short periods of separation gave me anxiety and I struggled not to concede to my newly clingy desires. Whatever was between us was still new and from what I’d seen of Bellamy’s romantic life so far, he didn’t seem to like to be crowded. I’d always considered myself an independent person anyway and I refused to allow my trauma to change that.

Although I enjoyed witnessing the way that Octavia’s eyes sparkled with delight around Lincoln, it only worsened my desire to hurry home when we made camp for the night and they snuggled up together to sleep. Despite the exhaustion that had been constantly hanging over me since I left camp, I struggled to drift to sleep and mostly stared up at the stars as I reflected on all of the information that I’d received in the last 24 hours. I could hardly process all of the events that had occurred in camp and the difference in people was starting to make sense. 

I must have eventually fallen asleep as I recounted every time that I’d been helpless since my arrival on Earth. I relived every fight that I’d barely survived, all of the people I’d been unable to overpower and the countless beatings that I’d endured. my heart hammered as I jolted awake and I was relieved to find Octavia stirring from sleep too. I occupied myself with packing up the contents of camp as she had done yesterday and by the time that the lovebirds were prepared to leave, I was reaching a desperation that was difficult to conceal. Octavia wandered over to the horses with a yawn and scanned me with an analytical expression.

“We’d better get you back before Bel completely loses his mind.” She commented with a hint of amusement and I tried to force a laugh to avoid her scrutiny. She kissed Lincoln goodbye and we mounted the horses in a comfortable silence. I felt a wave of relief the moment that we set off towards camp and looked forward to not being on horseback for a while. “Lincoln is careful not to be seen near Arkadia.” Octavia divulged and I nodded at her sympathetically. “It’s much harder to spend time together now, but we’ll manage. I’ll figure out a way for us to return to the grounders. I got their approval once, I can do it again.” She added with determination and I hummed thoughtfully.

“Do you think…” I blurted before I had fully decided if I wanted to ask this question and cleared my throat awkwardly as she cocked a brow at me with interest. I reflected on the nightmares that I’d been having recently and could still sense the lingering helplessness at the back of my mind. “When you do join the grounders again, do you think Indra would teach me too?” I asked and Octavia’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Why would you want that?” She interrogated suspiciously and I instinctively knew that she thought I was trying to check on her, as Bellamy always did. I sighed as I considered how to explain my feelings without revealing more than I felt comfortable discussing. 

“I need to be able to fight better, like you. I’ve almost been killed way too many times now, I can’t keep waiting for rescue like a damsel in distress.” I detailed and she shrugged in agreement. She glanced out at the trees thoughtfully and I waited patiently for an answer.

“She won’t accept you as you are now. You’ll have to fight, show that you can endure and, no offense, you’re not exactly in the best shape for that right now.” She analysed as she returned her view to me and I shrugged in defeat. “Indra will not just teach you to fight though. If you want her to invest time into you, you need to be willing to adapt to her ways. She will expect you to become a grounder, in every sense. I had to learn at least some of the language, I knew how to show respect and I didn’t question my orders. Can you do that?” She interrogated with a stare that chilled me to my core. I knew that I couldn’t blame her for questioning me, she knew me better than I knew myself and it wasn’t in my nature to be obedient.

“I can promise to try.” I conceded and although she sighed in a disappointed manner, I spotted a fond smile as she shook her head at me. “It's something that I need, so I’ll put in the work. From what you’ve said of your experiences it sounds like there are parts of it that I’ll get along with anyway.” I pondered and she nodded in understanding.

“Fine, for now Lincoln and I will start to train you, but I need to see that you are working hard. I won’t present the idea to Indra until I’m convinced that you’re ready.” She detailed firmly and I smiled appreciatively at her.

“That’s completely fair, I don’t want to humiliate you.” I agreed in an even tone and I noticed that her shoulders relaxed slightly at my confirmation that I understood. I had no intention of tarnishing the reputation that she’d fought for and could honestly say that I was willing to commit to this idea.

“And I want this agreement to stay between us too. I don’t want Bellamy breathing down my neck about converting you.” She ordered in a firm voice that revealed more concern that she intended and I shifted awkwardly under her scrutiny.

“I don’t know if I can agree to that Tavi.” I muttered as her gaze shot at me in surprise. “I don’t feel right about lying to him. He’s more understanding than you give him credit for.” I presented my case as well as I could whilst feeling that I wanted to disappear into the ground under her disbelieving expression and she scoffed.

“You’ve got it so bad.” She crooned as her playful smirk returned and I felt my cheeks turning pink. I quickly scrambled to think of something I could say to draw the conversation away from my feelings and instead directed her to the difficult logistics of this plan.

“Where would I even say I was going?” I suggested and she shrugged as she conceded. “You said it yourself, he’s overprotective. If I keep creeping off somewhere, he’s going to figure it out in no time and then he’ll be pissed. It’s better to just be honest upfront.” I calculated and she chuckled lightly as she shook her head at me.

“Fine. But you can convince him, you’re good at that.” She commented with a smug expression.

The rest of the journey was quiet and slow. I didn’t initiate any conversation as I focused on conserving my energy so that I wouldn’t suddenly drop off the horse in exhaustion and Octavia seemed content to remain lost in thought. Every part of my body ached and I realised that the lack of care for myself in Mount Weather had taken a toll on me. If I was to be successful in training then I would need to build some muscle, which would require proper meals and ensuring that I slept enough to recover from the exertion. I had forgotten what it was like to have routines and to invest in myself, but now that life had returned to normal I acknowledged that I needed to treat myself with kindness. I knew that Bellamy would be furious with me if he realised how little I’d truly listened to the needs of my body since waking in the new camp. Mentally, I resolved that once this journey was over, I would be less self punishing and would be honest with others about my limits. 

I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I recognised the field outside of the gates of our new camp and knew that I would soon be gazing into the comfort of Bellamy’s warm, whisky eyes. Octavia glanced at me with a smug smile and I tried to conceal my joy.

“I know this has been tough on you, more than you want to tell me. You made it though, you can still survive out here. I’m glad that I got a chance to show you that.” She breathed with an encouraging tone before the twinkle of mischief returned to her eyes. “Nearly back to him, you did well to manage a whole two days apart.” She winked teasingly as I glared back.

We approached the gates slowly and I was glad to find that although there were people milling around, there wasn’t a crowd to witness our return. I felt myself becoming light headed from the energy that it took to keep myself on the horse as the gates opened to allow us inside. We trotted into the courtyard and I noticed the workers part to allow Bellamy to rush through to greet us. Octavia quickly hopped down as I slowed to a stop and considered whether I had the strength remaining to safely dismount.

“Thank god, you’re back.” Bellamy breathed in a heavy relief as he pulled Octavia into an embrace that she quickly shook off. I shuffled on the horse as I struggled to twist my legs to the same side ready to hop down and Bellamy jogged over to assist me. Before I could protest, he reached up to place his hands on my hips and supported me to the ground gently. I smiled thankfully at him as he obsessively checked me over and basked in the simple pleasure of the sight of him. “You look tired.” He commented as he met my eyes with concern and I forced a smile in response.

“I’m fine. Glad to be home.” I stated as I flashed him a meaningful look and he nodded in acknowledgement. I wanted to tell him how tough it had been, how I had realised that I wasn’t fully recovered yet but this wasn’t the place for that conversation. As my gaze roamed him, I realised that he also appeared to be tired and his hands shook lightly in place on my shoulders. I could tell that my absence had been challenging for him too and I was surprised by his nervous behaviour. “I’m okay Bel.” I emphasised, causing the knit in his brow to finally release. He removed his grip on my shoulders and cleared his throat as he stepped out of my space. I glanced around to notice several of the members of camp had stopped to observe our return, including Harper who smiled at us with amusement.

“I know.” He remarked as he fidgeted in an effort to seem relaxed. “You need to give your weapons back, they want to keep track of them here. I’ll catch up with you at my quarters later.” He informed, before he reluctantly strode away. Octavia chuckled at him under her breath and shrugged at me.

“Good luck selling him on you spending more time out of camp.” She laughed and took hold of the reins of the horses with a knowledgeable confidence. “I’ll take them back to the stable, you look like you could do with a nap.” She ordered as she wandered off and I remained rooted to the spot.

I glanced around at the people who busied themselves in the courtyard and found myself desperately searching for something that could distract me from my temptation to collapse into the safety of Bellamy’s bed. It was only mid afternoon and I felt that I still needed to make myself useful. I rubbed at my eyes as a yawn escaped my lips and my tired legs moved to lead me towards sleep without awaiting a conscious decision. The journey to his quarters was a blur as I shuffled along in a delirious state and practically fell through the door into the room. I knew that Bellamy was likely to be busy for at least the next few hours and although I’d prefer his soothing presence whilst I slept, I wasted no time in dropping into the bed. I wrapped myself in the covers that fortunately still carried his familiar scent and drifted straight to sleep.

My mind was still plagued with the same chilling nightmares of the past few nights and when I next woke, I didn’t feel at all rested. I could tell from the low light in the room that I’d been asleep at least a few hours and although I only felt a slight difference to earlier, I dragged myself back into camp. I followed Bellamy’s orders to return my weapons to our armoury, other than the shock baton which I ensured to keep hidden from sight. After a brief conversation with some campers, I discovered that Bellamy was currently instructing guard training and would be required to attend a debriefing afterwards. Instead of sulking over his absence, I busied myself with some simple tasks that would not contradict Abby’s orders for light labour only. 

It was a struggle to keep my attention on the job as my head grew heavy and it was a continued effort to stay standing. I knew that I needed sleep, a full proper night of sleep but I didn’t want to ask for help until there was no other choice. I mentally asserted that I just needed Bellamy to be able to sleep properly and that by tomorrow morning I would be fine. As the daylight faded from the sky I felt my eyes often drifting closed, despite my strain to keep working under the weak lanterns and eventually I had to concede that it was time to quit.

I was disappointed that I hadn’t seen Bellamy return yet as I wandered to his quarters and the feeling only intensified when I stepped inside to find him absent. A bitter sigh escaped my lips as I accepted that I couldn’t battle to remain awake any longer. It was a struggle to get undressed through the heaviness of my limbs and as I carefully placed my clothing on a chair, leaving me in only my vest and pants, Bellamy entered the room behind me. He broke into a relieved smile at the sight of me and I couldn’t deny how pleased I was to see him. He wandered into the space and started to remove the new guard jacket that he wore. 

“Hey, I didn’t expect to be back this late. Kane kept us hanging on in a briefing.” He commented idly as he kicked off his boots and generally made himself comfortable. I watched him through bleary eyes with a pang of desperation as I longed for his comfort and the moment that glanced up at me, his expression changed to concern. “What’s wrong?” He queried with a jagged voice and his worried eyes drew from me the emotion that I battled to conceal. I rushed forward to embrace him and threw my arms around his waist as I buried my face in his chest. He jolted in surprise but immediately pulled me into him and rested his cheek on my head. One of his arms wrapped around me whilst the other hand stroked my hair in a soothing manner and I felt a lump rising in my throat.

“I’m just...I’m glad to be back with you.” I breathed against him and felt him nod in agreement. I reflected on my promise to myself on the way back from my journey with Octavia to be more honest and involuntarily felt myself gulp as I considered the idea. “I’m so exhausted I can hardly stand.” I confessed in a quiet voice and I felt him tense at my words.

“Too spoiled with beds to sleep on the ground any more Love?” He teased, although his tone was too forced to properly cover his alarm. I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him and struggled to produce a way to explain my fears without descending into topics that I wasn’t ready to discuss yet. When I didn’t respond in time, Bellamy pushed me backwards to scrutinise my face but kept his hands protectively on my shoulders. I felt even more incapable of speaking with his gaze burning into me.

“Hard to drop off without you.” I whispered as I avoided meeting his eyes. I attempted to pass my reaction off as merely embarrassment but I knew that he sensed my vulnerability.

“Well, that’s an easy fix.” He stated as he released me from his gasp to quickly undress. He took my hand to lead me to the bed and we climbed in together. Without a moment of hesitation, he guided me into place so that my back was against his chest and wrapped me tightly in his arms. His hair tickled my cheek  as he leaned forward to place a lingering kiss there and I felt myself relaxing into him. “Now we can both get some sleep.” He muttered in a confession that I was unsure if he intended to make.

I didn’t enjoy the idea of Bellamy suffering in any way but it was a strange comfort to discover that he struggled without me. I was unsure why this was still a surprising revelation, and as the budding romance between us was only young, I could hardly believe I was lucky enough to have this time together. It had been a substantial time of convincing myself that he couldn’t want the same thing that I did and I wondered how long it would take to undo this belief. I felt myself easily drifting into sleep now that I was in the one place I felt most at home: his arms.

For a while my exhaustion provided a heavy, dreamless sleep as Bellamy’s protection warded off any fear, but the memories gradually returned. I found myself strolling through the eerily similar halls of Mount Weather alone. My footsteps echoed through the empty space hauntingly and I moved at an excruciatingly slow pace. There was a sound in the distance that I couldn’t quite register and I followed it with a sense of foreboding. The noise led me into a large room lined with the tiny cages that I had once been captive inside and I felt my heartbeat quicken.

As my gaze roamed over the space, the noise grew louder and bought my attention to the centre of the room. There was a single operating table under a blinding light that streamed from the ceiling and I suddenly recognised the horrifying whirr of a drill as it tore through bone. My breaths became shallow and rapid as Harper’s screaming filled my mind. I watched Dr Singh torment her with an overpowering feeling of helplessness and although I willed myself to do something, I couldn’t move or make a sound. I became aware of the piles of bodies that surrounded me, filling the space between where I stood and the operating table. The familiar faces were frozen in a state of agony and I could hardly catch my breath as I scanned them. Fox, Miller, the other girls who had kept me company, the groups of kids that I’d rescued from guards when looking for Bellamy; all of their lifeless faces stared back at me until my gaze fell on the bloody bodies of Jasper and Monty. The gut wrenching wail that escaped my lips caused a jolt of surprise even to me and I realised that my cheeks were wet from tears.

There was a heavy set of footsteps that caught my attention and I raised my eyes to witness Cage strolling over to the table from out of the darkness at the far end of the room. He lifted Harper’s limp body from the surface and threw it to the ground as if she were merely trash. Dr Singh turned to face me and I realised with horror that her white coat was soaked in blood. She held her red hands out to me and her determined eyes made a shiver run down my spine.

“She’s the last one.” Dr Singh informed with a delighted smile and Cage began to stride toward me with a menacing expression.

He reached me at an impossible speed and although every part of my body struck out at him in desperation, I was no match for his strength. I felt like a rag doll in his grip and was struck with the realisation of how immensely weak my body was. Despite my desperate struggles, he easily dragged me toward the table and I screeched out in despair. As he buckled me into the restraints, I heard my heartbeat hammering in my ears and felt as if I was having a heart attack. Cage unexpectedly wrapped his hands around my throat and my eyes widened in shock as he began to choke me.

“They’re all dead Indigo. You couldn’t save them.” Cage’s taunting voice filled my consciousness as I battled for air and could feel myself becoming light headed. “You failed. You’re too weak.” He growled as I wheezed and felt hot tears roll down my cheeks. The grip on my neck became so ferocious that it lifted me from the table and my shoulders thrashed against the hard surface as he shook me. The room swirled around me and it became impossible to focus as my head swayed. Without warning, my surroundings disappeared as my eyes snapped open and Bellamy’s anxious face filled my vision. The dark room around me slowly came into view and I realised that I was still in bed in Bellamy’s room.

“It’s just a dream Indie, you’re safe.” Bellamy soothed as his cool grip remained on my shoulders and I finally understood that he had been shaking me. My cheeks were soaked with real tears and I felt a cold sweat covering my entire body. I brought my eyes to him with a lingering feeling of terror and he pulled me into his embrace. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and placed a careful kiss on my forehead. “You were screaming. I couldn’t think of a kinder way to wake you, I’m sorry.” He mumbled as he wound his fingers through my hair and I felt my rapid heartbeat gradually calming against him. I could still sense the distress of the dream hanging over me and the memory of Harper’s screams were refreshed by it. I felt myself trembling in his hold as I recalled the sound and he sighed gently above me. “You...you can talk to me, you know that don’t you?” He whispered with a vulnerability in his tone that made my heart ache. I took a deep breath before leaning back so that I could look up into his sympathetic face.

“The things that happened in Mount Weather...I saw some dark shit and it’s not easy to just forget.” I explained and watched as his brows furrowed together. “Finding you and Octavia alive, it’s more than I could ever have asked for. I’m thankful for every second of the life that I have now and although it takes away most of the hurt that was eating away at me, it doesn’t remove the things that I saw, or worse, that I did.” My voice faded to a shameful whisper by the end and he tilted his head at me in confusion. “I did things to survive, things I never thought I would do. And the strangest part is that I don’t regret them, because they led me back to you both. If anything, I blame those sick assholes for forcing my hand.” I confessed as I avoided meeting his gaze. He gently lifted my chin to face him and his eyes were filled with emotion as he viewed me.

“Whatever you did, I know that you had to do. They wanted to kill every last one of you. You survived because of your actions, don't feel like you should regret that.” He asserted with an intense gaze and I felt a weight lift from my chest as I nodded back. “These nightmares, they’re of Mount Weather?” He investigated with reluctance and I hummed quietly in confirmation. “What can I do to help?” He breathed and the genuine tone in his voice made my eyes fill with tears. I considered my words carefully as I analysed the way that I’d felt each time I woke and tried to make sense of the jumbled images of the dreams.

“I need to stop being afraid.” I assessed and noticed a thinly veiled anger in his face at this statement. I knew that he was furious that anyone had affected me this much and it only further revealed how much effort he was investing into remaining calm for my comfort. “The only way I can think to do that is to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to protect myself now. I almost died more times than I can count in that Mountain, I barely scraped through those fights and honestly...I didn’t exactly take the best care of myself whilst there. I’ve gotten weak and complacent. I need to know that I can’t be captured like that again, I need to be strong.” I explained and I noticed a wry smile creep into the corners of his lips.

“I can make you a guard, I’ll train you personally.” He offered with the slightest hint of mischief which earned an involuntary chuckle under my breath.

“It’s a kind offer Bel, but I was thinking of something more extreme.” I divulged which caused him to view me with suspicion. “I’ve seen Tavi practising, I want to be able to fight like her. She’s offered to train me with Lincoln’s help, but I don’t want to go behind your back.” I detailed and flinched as he rolled his eyes at me in exasperation.

“Indie, come on.” He groaned. “You’ve said yourself that you feel weak. The grounder method of training is to beat the shit out of you until you learn, I’ve seen it happen in this camp! At least with me you know that I’ll be careful with you.” He justified and I could sense the same protective authority in him that I’d seen him address Octavia with countless times.

“I wont be stupid. I’ll start resting and I’ll take care of myself. I won’t take on any actual combat training until I’m well enough, purely theory until then, I promise.” I pleaded and although I could still sense the annoyance in his posture, his resolve was visibly crumbling. “This is important to me Bel, I need to be able to fight for myself. I can’t always leave it to you to save me. And maybe the distraction will help me to move on.” I appealed to him and he shrugged in defeat.

“Fine, if it’s that important to you. But if I see you covered in bruises, it’s done.” He conceded and I smiled as I agreed to his terms. Bellamy took my face in his hands and placed a gentle kiss on my lips with an affection that made my heart swell. “I won’t let anything happen to you again.” He whispered as he leaned his forehead against mine in a tender motion and I felt the last of my fear dissolve in his reassurance.

[pleasespellchimerical]

Some Outer Worlds thoughts (small things plus big spoilers)

I love how the game hammers home the idea “there is no ethical consumption under late stage capitalism”. Almost every item in the game is branded and associated with a corporation. The player may be hella anti-corporate, but is still relying on the things the corporations produce. There aren’t really any alternatives.

Thought for a future run: “Ethical consumption” rule. The player is not allowed to buy anything--everything must be scavenged or stolen. (Exception for quest items)

--

Tossball seems to be based on lacrosse, going by the similarity of the sticks and the player gear. Lacrosse originated with various Native American cultures, and is a medicine game that promotes peace and healing between the communities that play it. Tossball in Halcyon is backed by corporate interests, with branded teams and money making deals. The game is also implied to be incredibly violent, with fatal injuries being common (and a huge roster of backup players to replace those incapacitated or killed). Just another way that corporatism has twisted culture for its own use.

--

I can’t think of any piece of media in recent memory where there are more women than men on the team (and it’s not a gimmick remake, like Ocean’s 8 or Ghostbusters). The crew of the Unreliable: Three women, two men, a male-sounding robot (who is not sexualized at all), and a female-sounding AI. 

This blows my mind a little bit, and I haven’t seen it commented on anywhere. Having women make up the majority of the team is just...wow. Is this how cis men feel all the time?

--

(Spoilers ahoy: Ellie’s quest)

Speaking of defying sexist tropes: Let’s talk about Ellie. She’s an assertive woman who knows what she wants, goes after it, and is not punished by the narrative for it. Most character quests in games involve teaching a character a lesson or imparting some moral, but Ellie’s isn’t--she just wants some petty revenge, and she gets it. She doesn’t want to learn a life lesson, she doesn’t want to change who she is--and she isn’t forced to. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop--for the narrative to tell her that she’s wrong, she shouldn’t be so selfish, that she should reconcile with her shitty family--but it never did. Completing her character quest allows her to keep being who she is, and she gets a happy ending. 

Not using a sexist trope shouldn’t be a high bar for media, but The Outer Worlds hit that bar, and I’m super grateful for it.

--

(Spoilers ahoy: Main quest, Phineas’s route)

Also regarding Phineas: I thought he was a super interesting character from the start, but the penultimate quest just made me like him even more. At first he comes off as very morally ambiguous, and it’s hard to know whether to trust him, but reading his personal logs inside his lab really sealed the deal for me: you can trust this guy. 

I kinda get the feeling Phineas is autistic-coded. He seems to struggle a lot with empathy, he’ll pursue an idea wherever it leads him, and he comes off as being very cold and uncaring about individual people. Talking to him later in the game though, he’s horrified by the Board’s human experiments, the suffering the test subjects underwent, and recognizes the high human cost of his plan to heal the Hope.

Later in the game, when he’s dragged off by the board and you’re able to access his personal logs, you discover that he used to be a Board scientist, began pursing revival, and also experimented on human subjects--12 colonists pulled off the Hope (you’re presumably the 13th). He talks about the nightmares he has from the attempts that went wrong, and having to watch people die in agony when he failed (I’m not entirely sure when he switched to porcine subjects--he may have perfected the protocol on the pigs, then tested it on humans til it worked, or maybe after his human experiments failed, he switched to pigs for ethical purposes). 

Whatever the case, he does have peoples’ best interests at heart, can be trusted, and is truly concerned for the colony and the people in it. He might be trying to distance himself as a form of emotional self defense, or maybe he does have a hard time showing empathy, but it is there. It’s super interesting to me that the game waited so long to reveal some of his true thoughts--because it makes the question To trust him or Not to trust him a really central conflict for the player. Even if you don’t support the Board, it’s entirely possible to have reservations about him, and really make players struggle with whether to turn him in, or to keep working with him even if you’re not sure.

--

Anyway I finished the game this afternoon. Will probably have a lot more to say down the line because holy shit! The Outer Worlds is everything I’ve wanted in a new RPG, and imo ties with Untitled Goose Game for best game of 2019.

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Subaru Sakamaki (Story 03)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! I’m an amateur translator, but I hope you do enjoy it anyway!♡

Monologue

I was guided by Subaru-kun and from now on I will live in this unoccupied room.

After that I was told to stay in this room, my feelings can’t rest at all, my emotions are a complete mess.

Right now I can’t think straight anymore, my heart is only filled with anxiety.

Place: Violet mansion — unoccupied room

Laito: Hey, Eve. I hope it’s fine that I entered.

Yui: Laito-kun….

Laito: Are you alone now? If so, let’s enjoy our time ♪

Yui: What do you mean?

Laito: What I mean is, that you obviously have only one purpose here, don’t you?

*Laito grabs Yui*

Yui: Laito-kun, why so suddenly…!

Laito: You don't have act all innocent. I understand that you’re irritated, don’t you think?

*Laito pushes Yui*

Yui: Kya?!

Laito: Carla apparently said that your blood tasted bad, but it definitely smells super sweet and good.

I bet it’s actually pretty delicious, right? Why don’t you let me taste it already?

Yui: Stop, Laito-kun!

(He is holding my arms way too strong for me to escape…! Like this he is going to suck my blood…)

*Subaru enters*

Subaru: Oi, what are you doing?

Yui: Subaru-kun…?

Laito: What’s up, Subaru-kun. Did you plan on joining us?

Subaru: You must be kidding me. Why are you trying to suck her blood?

Laito: There wasn’t a specific reason. It’s okay to suck Eve’s blood, Carla gave us permission after all.

Subaru: I don’t like this. You won’t suck her blood by force.

Laito: ...Alright. Just don’t stare at me like that anymore. It’s really scary.

Subaru: Shut up! Get out of here already!!

Laito: Ok, ok.

See you again Eve. Next time, why don’t we go somewhere where no one can get in our way?

*Laito leaves*

Subaru: He’s finally gone... Geez, were you really going to be quiet and just let him suck your blood?

Yui: T-Thank you Subaru-kun. Did you really came here to help me... ?

Thanks to you, he couldn’t suck my blood.

Subaru: ... Hmph

Yui: ... Fufu

(I didn’t say anything, but it seems like he came to help me? That kind of thing hasn’t changed on him)

Subaru: The hell, what are you laughing at?

Choices

1) — Apologize (black)

2) — Tell him you were happy (white) ♡ ♡ ♡

— Apologize

Yui: I-I’m sorry.

(I shouldn’t do that again. It seems to have made Subaru-kun angry)

Subaru: A simple apology isn’t enough. I clearly heard you laughing at me. Are you making a fool of me?

Yui: No! That’s not true!

(I can’t be honest about Subaru-kun’s clumsiness kindness, and shyness)

(I’m just glad he didn’t change even if he lost his memories... )

(But, even if I’d try to convey this feeling to Subaru-kun now, he probably wouldn’t understand it.)

— Tell him you were happy ♡

Yui: …I’m happy

Subaru: Huh?

Yui: That’s because Subaru-kun helped me.

Subaru: … I didn’t specifically intended to help you.

Laito was literally throwing himself on you, so I had to get between him.

Yui: … Yes, I know.

(As Subaru-kun said, maybe he didn’t do it for me)

(But, maybe he helped me because he remembered me in his heart somewhere... ?)

(Even without or with his memories, Subaru-kun is still Subaru-kun…)

end Choices

Subaru: ... I don’t get you at all.

Anyway, if you could actually learn from this, behave yourself next time. Lock the room as well.

Yui: Thank you for your concern, Subaru-kun.

Subaru: There is no one worrying about you. You’re misunderstanding your situation!

That’s just because Carla allowed them to suck your blood.

If you let them suck your blood, you’ll be devoured right away.

I’m not willing to share my food with the others. That’s it.

Yui: I see… Yes, but still thank you.

Subaru: … Tch. That’s enough. What the hell is it with you anyways.

*Subaru leaves*

Yui: (Even if I am really just thought of as food, it’s okay. Because I’m glad that Subaru-kun helped me.)

Place: Violet mansion — Hallway

Kou: Huh? What are you doing here?

Yui: Ah, Kou-kun. I was thirsty, so I wanted to get something to drink.

Kou: I see. That means you’re heading to the kitchen.

Yui: (I know that Subaru-kun told me to stay in the room…)

(I was just going to get water and then head right back, but I didn’t plan on meeting Kou-kun)

Kou: By the way, where’s Subaru-kun? Isn’t he your new guard?

Yui: Yes, but I was just going to get water, I didn’t think he needed to follow me.

Kou: Hmm. So you’re fluttering around here by yourself.

Don’t tell me, this actually seems like the perfect chance for me... thank you.

*Kou grabs Yui*

Yui: Eh…?!

Kou: You‘re wandering around on your own, because you want to have your blood sucked, am I right?

Yui: No, that’s not it!

Kou: Did you let Subaru-kun suck your blood already? I will see it anyway if it’s true.

Yui: ... Please... Let me go, Kou-kun!

Kou: It doesn't matter if you struggle or not. Carla-kun gave us permission, so I can basically suck you whenever I want ...

Subaru: Back off already!

Yui: ... Ngh

*Kou backs off*

Kou: Ahha. Seems like Subaru-kun came.

Yui: Subaru-kun... !

Subaru: Kou, what are you doing?

Kou: Look, it’s not what you think. I was just having a little talk with Eve.

Subaru: Hah!? That didn’t seem like just talking.

Kou: You don’t need to have such a scary face. Laugh and laugh. Yes, smile

Subaru: Stop joking and shut up.

Kou: Don’t get so angry already. If you do, you’re scaring this girl.

Subaru: Kou, you asshole...

*Subaru punished the wall*

Kou: I understand, just don’t be so violent. I’ll give up for today because, I can't help it.

See ya. See you too, Eve.

*Kou leaves*

Yui: (It’s good that Kou-kun went away. Subaru-kun helped me once again ...)

Subaru-kun, once again, thank you for the help.

Subaru: Make your choice already! Do you even know your position?!

*Subaru punished the wall*

Yui: ... Ngh

Subaru: I simply told you to wait in that room!

Yui: I'm sorry ... my throat was getting dry and I wanted to have something to drink.

Subaru: Then say it to me!

... Well, I wasn't in the room with you... Well then, just wait for me to come back!

If you keep on walking around alone you might die. You can rely on me more.

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Subaru: — Don't get me wrong. I'm just your supervisor. That's it.

Yui: ... Yes. But still, thank you.

Subaru: ... Hmph

Anyway, go back to the room. I'll go and bring you some water.

Yui: Alright. I’ll do so. Thank you very much.

Subaru: You keep saying that, shut up already.

*Subaru leaves*

Azusa: ... Oh? What are you doing here alone?

Yui: Azusa-kun

Azusa: ... I think it's better not to go out on your own ...

Yui: Y-Yes I know. I was just about to get back to my room because of Subaru-kun's attention.

Azusa: Yes... That's good...

Even in this mansion ... it may not be safe for you.

Subaru: Hey, are you still floating around like this?

Yui: Ah... ngh... Subaru-kun?

Azusa: Subaru... what’s wrong... ? The glass of water ... it got spilled...

Subaru: Hey Azusa! Are you trying to get in her way as well!?

Azusa: Eh... ? I was...

Subaru: Shut up! Geez, it’s always the same shit...

*Subaru grabs Yui*

Yui: ... Ngh! W-Wait... !

Subaru: Come on, walk quickly! We’re going back to the room.

Yui: P-Please wait Subaru-kun! I’m sorry for worrying you! But Azusa-kun he...

Subaru: No shitty excuses!

Yui: ... Ouch!

Subaru: You are! Why are you caught up with another man while I’m gone again!?

Yui: I'm sorry ... I just happened to meet Azusa-kun on the way to the room ...

Subaru: Then you should ignore him and just go back to the room instead.

You, are you purposely inviting all those men to suck your blood?

*Subaru punished the wall*

Yui: Ah... ngh

(I know he is hitting the wall because he’s frustrated...)

(He saved me once again already and even brought me water)

(I'm happy that he cares about me, but he really is angry after all)

(Surely, I might have been out of my mind because I wasn’t acting out of caution ...)

(But, I don't want other people to suck blood just like he does)

Subaru: Don’t you get that you're good food for us vampires!?

Don't just forget that.

Yui: (Am I just food for Subaru-kun as well? Is that why he is frustrated about the situation?)

(Or maybe I'm just hoping that he might end up remembering me as his lover once again...)

(But, right now I’m just hoping for him to stop being so angry like this)

Subaru: Hey, say something back! Are you even listening!?

Yui: ... I'm listening.

Subaru: ... Ngh

Yui: I don’t want to be attacked by anyone either, so I’m trying to not get attacked!

(I-I maybe said it too harsh... but, my sad feelings just overwhelmed me for a second)

Subaru: ... Hmm

That’s why, I won’t let anyone suck your blood either!!

*Subaru comes closer*

Yui: ... Kya!

Subaru: You are only allowed to be sucked by me!

If you won’t get it, I will tell it your body instead. I’ll pierce my fangs into your skin, until you know who you completely belong to.

Ahh... Nn...

Yui: Ah, wait... ngh

(Subaru-kun, he really does suck my blood so rough ...)

Subaru: ... nn... nn... ngh...

Yui: (In fact, he’s always been kind... he even cared about me while sucking my blood)

(Now everything is different)

(I know it’s all because Subaru-kun’s memories are strange, but I don’t like this situation... !)

Subaru: How is it, honestly I don't know if that's enough already. Then, maybe this time...

*footsteps approach*

Azusa: Subaru ... what are you doing... !?

Subaru: Azusa... !

Yui: ... Azusa... kun...

Azusa: Eve is supposed to get a polite handling, that’s what Carla said ...

Eve, you look pained... are you okay?

Yui: Y-Yes...

Azusa: Okay... that’s good ...

Subaru: ... Shit!

*Subaru runs off*

Yui: Wait, Subaru-kun! Please…!

Azusa: He is gone... but... Eve, if you follow him, what will you do... ?

Yui: ... I uhm …

Azusa: The smell... of your blood... it might get Laito and Kou attracted to you.

I'll follow you back to the room...

Yui: ... Yes, please.

Azusa: ... Sure.

Place: Violet mansion — unoccupied room

Yui: Thank you, Azusa-kun.

Azusa: If there is anything you need, please say it...

Yui: Yes.

*Azusa leaves*

Yui: ...Nn

(The place where Subaru left his bit mark still hurts)

(But my heart hurts most now ...)

(Subaru-kun now acts as if we haven’t met before. Before he opened my heart ...)

(No matter how bad his memories are, Subaru-kun is Subaru-kun)

(As it should be ... It's probably hard for Subaru-kun to continue to take the same attitude as now)

(We seem to have become strangers even though we are lovers)

(I’m sure Subaru-kun will stay like this for awhile)

(Maybe after awhile, he will surely regain his memories)

(Subaru-kun ...)

Monologue

While thinking of Subaru-kun, I slowly closed my eyes.

They say things won‘t change when you sleep, but then at least in my dreams, I want to meet the gentle Subaru-kun there.

My beloved Subaru-kun—

Place: Violet mansion — unoccupied room

Subaru: Hey, are you awake?

Yui: ... Subaru-kun, why are you here?

(It was yesterday that Subaru-kun was sucking my blood wildly ...)

(It’s still awkward to remember this certain moment)

Subaru: Hey, follow me.

Yui: Eh? Where?

Subaru: Shut up. Just follow me.

Yui: ... Alright

*Subaru leaves*

Yui: (Subaru-kun seems to be grumpy and I’m just worried about not knowing where we will go ...)

(I don't want to quarrel anymore, I should listen to what he says from now on)

(... I can’t stop but wonder where he will go with me?)