#tell me he wouldn't be enchanted by a witch

[regina-cordium]

daemon au hob would have a witch daughter

[pretty-little-mind33]

James Potter x muggle fem!reader

Summary: After months of dating, James finally tells you he's a wizard.

Genre: Fluff <3 / pt.2 to Enchanted

Warnings: tbh none

6 months later, James is sprawled out on your couch in your small London apartment. He's dressed in your university sweater, which hugs him snugly but he doesn't seem like he minds. You'd switched into his so he doesn't have much of a choice anyway.

He's pretending to really read the book he had found on your dresser but he keeps his eyes trained on how absorbed you seem in the show you're watching.

James sees the title; "Bewitched". He smiles to himself when he sees you try and wiggle your nose like Samantha does and you fall back onto James lap, sighing. 

"D'you think I'd make a good witch?" you ask suddenly and his heart almost collapses. 

He runs a hand in your hair, playing with the strands as he ponders your question, "Mmm, yeah, you would, lovie," he says and chuckles when you sit up and start to ramble. 

"I mean, can you just imagine having magic! I could–I could make all this mess disappear instantly!" you exclaim happily, gesturing to your slightly messy apartment, and then look into his eyes, "wouldn't having magic be fun, Jamie?" 

James frowns. You say it so innocently but he starts to wonder if you could know? It has been months.

He sits up, tilting his head at you. He's been wanting to tell you he's a wizard for a while now, plus James wouldn't admit this out loud yet but he knows he wants to marry you and you deserve to know the truth before he asks you to spend your life with him, don't you? 

"Y/n," he whispers but you interrupt him. 

"And I mean, flying on a broom! How silly! Can't you just imagine it?" 

James smiles, completely endeared, "Yeah, I can," he tucks some hair behind your ear and reaches into the back pocket of his jeans. He pulls out his wallet and you stare at him confused as he holds out a folded old polaroid. He hands it to you.

"What's this?" you ask curiously, crossing your legs.

At first, it looks like a simple picture of a group of boys. There are four of them and they look around sixteen if you had to guess. The tallest has his arms crossed and he's standing in the middle as the boy to his right, a shorter boy with long dark hair, has his arm swung around him. A short, stout boy looks timidly at the camera next to the taller one and next to him, what looks like a young James is happily grinning and holding up a fancy looking broom in triumph. James and the longer-haired boy are dressed in a maroon and yellow sports uniform while the other boys are dressed in simple school uniforms. 

The picture seems relatively normal for a second until it starts to move. James in the picture lifts the broom and the long-haired boy continues to hug the taller one. You gasp, dropping the picture onto the couch and it flutters to the back where you see written, "Prongs, Wormtail, Moony, and Padfoot, Hogwarts 1976."

"What the hell?" you whisper, voice breaking, and you think you must be imagining things. You look up at James, who is staring at you intently. "James? W-why did that polaroid just move?" you ask and James's stare softens. 

He picks up the polaroid and smiles, he shows it to you again. "That's me and my best friends at school," he says but when he looks at you, his smile falters. You look terrified, "Love, it's okay it's just a picture."

"No, it isn't. It's moving!" you say, leaning away from him a little.

James's chest tightens. "I know," he says seriously, "Promise not to panic, okay? But, I'm a wizard." 

He says it so calmly you're silent for a moment until you start to laugh. You laugh so hard tears brim in your eyes and James is concerned.

He holds your cheeks in his hands. "No, Y/n, I mean it. I'm a wizard," he stands and walks to his jean-jacket hanging in the entrance. He pulls out his wand and points it at you.

You look scared again when he mutters an unfamiliar word and suddenly, you feel a drizzle of snow fall over your shoulders and unless your ceiling disappeared and it's snowing in July, you know it has to be James. 

You let out a shriek and cover your mouth as your eyes widen. James lowers his wand and rushes over, the snow disappearing. "It's okay. I promise I won't hurt you, lovie," he pauses and carefully sits next to you. He's relieved when don't scoot away from him, "I couldn't keep this from you anymore. I love you. You deserve to know who I am."

You're looking at him intensely and you pick up the polaroid again, examining it closer. After a moment you look up and narrow your eyes. You press your index on where James is in the picture. "Why are you holding a broom?" you ask simply and James almost laughs. 

"Gryffindor had just won an important Quidditch match, I think."

"Gryff-what won what?"

"Um, my house- um. Quidditch it's a sport. Where you—um, ride a broom."

You look at him and James can't read your expression.

"You can fly on a broom?" you suddenly ask, sounding less nervous now. You look at the picture and then you crack a smile. "You do look cute all dressed up," you put the polaroid near his ear, almost as if you're making sure the boy in the picture is actually James.

Your boyfriend nods and looks at you wearily, biting his lip. He has so much he wants to say. "So, have you always been a witch—" you ask.

"Wizard," he interrupts but you ignore him.

"—or did some creepy troll turn you into one? Oh my, are you the only witch to exist?" you sound almost excited now.

"Wizard," James says and then takes the picture from your hand and holds yours in his. "And no. I'm not. All my friends and family are. You believe me, yeah?"

You think for a moment. "Yeah," you shrug, looking up at the ceiling and then the wand in James's other hand, "you did make it snow, didn't you?" your smile widens and you point at his wand as you say, "Can you make it snow again! Or show me another spell. Please?"

James hesitates but when he sees a small scab on your hand from where you'd cut yourself earlier, he mutters a spell he knows by heart from all the Quidditch tumbles he's had and the wound suddenly disappears. 

Your eyes widen and you hold up your palm awkwardly. You look where the scab had been, mesmerized as you run your fingers over the now, non-existent, wound. 

"I know this is a lot for you to understand now, lovie. But, I want to explain everything. Anything you want to know," he says seriously and you look back up at him. 

You ask question after question, the reality of the situation becoming even more intense as you hear stories from his school and how unfamiliar he had been about "muggles" until he'd met his ex-girlfriend and then, well, you. 

"So, wait, witches and wizards exist and we– muggles? –just don't know?" you say after his little speech and James nods. He's sitting criss-cross in front of you on your couch and he's running his thumb over your hand, hoping his gesture is reassuring. You look confused, "Aren't you gonna get in trouble with the—"

"Ministry of Magic for telling you?" James finishes, understanding what you're trying to ask him.

You nod. 

James shakes his head and looks into your eyes. "No, because I didn't just tell anyone. You aren't some random person on the street, lovie. You're my girlfriend and I love you. I'm glad you know," he kisses your forehead quickly and you lean up to catch his lips. 

"I'm glad I know too," you smile and caress his cheek. It's your way of showing him you don't see him any differently. You turn to the polaroid picture still in your lap and pick it up. "I can't wait to meet more of your wizard friends now," you smile. 

James smirks, a twinkle in his eyes. "You already have, darling," he says. 

You look closer at the picture and your eyes widen, "No way!" you exclaim looking up at James in disbelief as you start to recognize two of the other boys in the picture. "Remy and Siri too?!"

James chuckles and nods. You turn the polaroid over again and look at the names scribbled in ink. "Then what's up with the weird nicknames? Prongs? Is that you?" you deduce from the order. 

James hums and kisses your temple as he pulls you in closer.

"Why Prongs?" you ask, pointing both your index fingers and putting them on your head, "like little devil horns? Or a fork?" you giggle at the last suggestion and James is entirely enchanted by you. 

He looks at you fondly and chuckles, "Like stag antlers, lovie."

"Why?"

"Because I can turn into a stag, if I wanted to," James explains slowly, realizing he'd forgotten to mention that tiny detail.

"You WhAT?!"

[originalsoulstrawberry]

Witch!Travel Timer!Reader X King Baldwin IV.

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Warnings: Probably gramma mistakes, maybe a Baldwin ooc too, and normal things of the middle age.

•King Baldwin was know to be a calm and rightfull King.

•But because of his condition, never was able to get close to get married or having a heir.

•He and everyone knows about he's condition, so no one ever expected, those things from him, but he still got into battles even if that has to be in a bed.

•Besides brave i think about, him being a curious man too.

•And that is how this started.

•When he heard about a group of 6 people that had arrived in his kingdom accompanied by some of his knights, he was curious.

•He heard that apparently the group was lost close to The Kingdom of Jerusalem, so he asked to know the people.

•Apparently you guys were sailing before the ship sank.

•And while you guys looked for help, you guys end up encountering, A troop of his knights.

•Or at least is what you guys told to them... What? You really think you can tell that you are from the future? No way.

•When he first saw your group he didn't thought much about it, but when he saw you... Omg.

•He just couldn't take his eyes out of you, you where the mostly gorgeous person he had ever seen.

•He was enchanted by you at the first sight.

•But that don't get in just your appearance, when he get to speak to you, he was absolutely sure, that you were the mostly intrigant and intelligent person he had ever spoke to.

•You being a woman and having so much Knowledge, about a lot of subjects, like math, philosophy, english and other languages.

•Even that being just the basics, Concepts about those things for today's world, back then was like super advanced knowledge.

•And with you being a witch, that means you would have the knowledge of herbs, astrology and even concepts of life different, but you wouldn't show then, because remember, we are talking about the 12th century.

•Baldwin would totally fell something about you, something different, something mystical around you.

•Just like a spell, calling him to know more about yourself.

• Maybe that is a new adventure...?

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Notes: Omg, well I didn't fell that is so great, maybe I'm a little insecure, because it's my first time writing after a long time, so I think with more time I gonna get better with that.

So English is not my first language, sorry about any Gramma mistakes.

And I still need to learn more about the 12th century too, because I am still felling that I didn't know much about, so if you guys know any channel or anything to learn about that time, Especially about Jerusalem in the middle age please let me know.

Please I hope you enjoy this, and you have fun, and have a very good day evening or night.

[jayaury]

Body Warmth

Oh gosh, another day without finding the winter witch.

But you have to remember those witches are tricky! Especially when they know a handsome, skilled hunter is out looking for them.

But not to worry. We can just hole up in my cozy cabin again and try tomorrow!

And gosh, you are are looking cold. Looks like we'll have to share our boy warmth again!

Of course I don't mind. I love to be helpful! And what could be more helpful than letting a brave hunter snuggle close to me?

Let him rest his head between my big, warm breasts.

Cuddle and snuggle me while I wrap him up in my jacket and tell him what a good hunter he is.

A skilled hunter.

A clever hunter who'd never get tricked into being enchanted by a snuggly winter witch.

Who'd never let his mind get dull and sleepy and drowsy.

Who'd never forget about hunting a witch and instead spend all his time making his pretty, soft, snuggly, cuddly companion so happy and content.

Of course he wouldn't do that.

Yet.

But not to worry. We'll keep looking for that naughty witch.

As long as it takes...

[tetsunabouquet]

The Sakamaki Brothers with a Witch S/O

A/N: I can hardly make a Mukami version without dedicating one to the Sakamaki brothers!

Shu

-Nothing impresses this boy, so he reacted calmly to the news. -Constantly begs you to turn his brothers into frogs. -He also often asks you if you can turn Reiji into a pig. -You found out a great way to motivate Shu to do something is to create a reward system with sleeping potions as they give him the best of naps. -He's surprisingly touchy about speaking of you powers in public. Once when his brothers fed him drunk, he confessed to you that he's scared of people burning you on a stake if they ever find out.

Reiji

-Reacted to the news with polite interest. -Loves making potions with you. -Which is something his brothers absolutely loathe, because now the Sakamaki mansion is permanently filled with all kinds of smells stemming from the ingredients. Kanato especially, is tired of the mushroom and toad smell. -Refrains from asking you to enchant his brothers, even though he does harbor the desire to have them be turnt into the cockroaches he thinks they are. -Except for when it's Shu. He'd love to see his brother be turnt into an insect, and finds it a bummer that you always refuse.

Ayato

-Was shocked when you told him. -Though he found it pleasing to be dating a witch, obviously Yours Truly would never date a regular human. -Often pouts a you that you won't put a curse on one of his brothers. "Why not? Yours Truly is demanding it of you!" -Wouldn't dare to comment on your chest because he knows you would turn him into a pancake. -"Are witches really so light that they can't drown?"

Kanato

-Found it amazing with the same childish delight as he would have had if you told him you owned a toy store. -Because Kanato actually has an affinity for magic, you like teaching him some tricks. -You refrain from teaching him any curses he can put on his brothers because you don't want to get in trouble with their father. -Wants to live in a candy cabin similar as the one of the witch in Hansel & Gretel together with you. He said, "Since you won't help me get rid of my brothers, how about we devote the rest of our lives to each other in the candy cabin? -Once the two of you are ready to settle down for good, you give into his wishes of living in a candy cabin.

Laito

-When you told him, he found it amusing. -He is the one who comes up with the most weird curse requests like if you could transform his brothers into girls. -You always tell him no with a smile on your face because you do think its funny. -Interested in which magical herbs he can use to make the ultimate aphrodisiac. "No Laito, just no. You're a horny menace, you know?" -As a Halloween prank, Laito and you planned to enchant the piano in the Sakamaki mansion to play a creepy tune out of itself. His brothers weren't amused.

Subaru

-"So you have a magic wand?" was the first thing he said to you when you told him you were a witch. -As the youngest, most of the innocent questions come from Subaru. "So, do you ride a broom?" -"Are you powerful enough to kill my dad?" -He is secretly very happy to be dating a girl who's tough enough to handle his dysfunctional family and can defend herself. -Because he's got no hobbies or anything, he just often watches you practise magic to kill time. He honestly finds it fascinating to watch you fuss over a potion or pout out of frustration at an ancient tome.

[luminiamore]

𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖎𝖋𝖑𝖚𝖔𝖚𝖘

a stefan salvatore love story.

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖜𝖔

freesia

"Freesia, would you kindly refrain from playing in that man's dreams," Came a soft, southern, silky voice amid an enchanted forest.

A beautiful forest it was. Majestic oak and towering pine trees stretch towards the heavens, their branches glittered with clusters of shimmering dewdrops and flowers that glint like precious gems in the soft light. A chorus of bird song fills the air, accompanied by the gentle rustle of leaves and the occasional flutter of wings.

"Ah! S'il vous plaît, Bella. I am not playing. I am merely teasing," The goddess giggled, a delicate smile adorning her features. She opened one chestnut-colored eye to take a peek at her sister.

Belladonna stood stoically, her captivating face betraying no emotion, clad in a cream-colored strapless gown that gathered slightly at the forest's edge. Meanwhile, Freesia was adorned solely in vines and a kaleidoscope of blossoms, her usual attire in the confines of her woodland abode.

"You're well aware we're seeing him tomorrow, hun. Why such teasing antics-" A melodic voice cuts the ancient witch off.

"Is Freesia inserting herself in Stefan's dreams once again? You're making him doubt your existence, sweets. That is if he hasn't already. You know-" The fairy addressed her best friend, a soft fluttering accompanied her statement.

"Yes, thank you, Fi. That's what I was just telling our lovely best friend here." Belladonna quickly cut off the fairy before she could start rambling. A habit of hers. She only gives a sheepish grin before she settles down on a log a few feet away from the pair.

Freesia gives a pout to the two women. Did he really doubt she existed?

Her voice trembles, "I just want to give him some hope. He's been burdened for so long, and it pains me to see him like that."

There's a soft whistling the trees emit at the end of her statement as if comforting her. She gives a sad smile.

"I know, sweets. And he won't feel that way anymore because we're headed to Mystic Falls tomorrow, yes?

The ancient fairy quickly utters. And almost as if the goddess was never down in the first place, she gives a bright smile, birds tweeting around her at the sheer aura it gave off. "Yes! Oh, I'm so excited. Is Nea coming with us?"

This time, Belladonna answers, the green leaves moving in a tornado-like motion under her whim, "Of course, she wouldn't leave us alone in that supernatural-infested town. She's feeding right now, so she'll likely meet us tomorrow at the house."

The house, a beautiful one it was. It was abandoned when they first stumbled upon it, vines and leaves taking over its walls. Freesia saw the perfection in it, and so she insisted on renovating it. It wasn't too far from the Salvatore boarding house; besides, it couldn't be viewed by any non-human creature. Thanks to a lovely spell by her sister.

It was simply a way for them to blend in, they didn't really need it. Selenea lived in the ocean, and the other three girls were found solitary in the forest. It was the source of their power, and they never felt more safe. They figured that since they were newcomers to the small town, a ball seemed suitable to introduce themselves. And that's precisely what they were going to do.

"Allons-y, d'accord? After all, we have a ball to prepare for; we haven't even gotten our dresses yet." Freesia abruptly stands, her vine dress still holding tightly onto her skin.

"I know a wonderful dress store in Italy." Is all the ancient witch says before she opens a portal with a wave of her hand.

The tiny fairy squeaks at the prospect of shopping, and Freesia enthusiastically claps. They both follow her into the shimmering light, giggles and laughs following after them.

chapter one. chapter three.

[predatoryseasnail]

Wizarding Blood-Purity is a Sham

I think that a lot of people forget that Salazar Slytherin wasn't racist.

And no, before you go all crazy on me just remember in the second book, when fear and anger and all kinds of emotions were running wild and everyone distrusted Slytherin House, students asked a teacher about what happened. And that teacher, a ghost who for all we know could have been there when it actually happened, gave an honest answer.

"Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed that magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. He disliked taking students of Muggle parentage, believing them to be untrustworthy."

Look at the language. Look at it, and understand that Salazar didn't see Muggle-borns as inferior, as worse. He saw them as untrustworthy.

Why, you ask? Well Professor Binns answers that as well!

"[The founders] built this castle together, far from prying Muggle eyes, for it was an age when magic was feared by common people, and witches and wizard suffered much persecution."

Salazar didn't like Muggles because they were hunting his family, his people, and persecuting them with horrific violence. He didn't trust Muggle-borns because how could he know that they wouldn't betray the magical world and tell their families that the kid two villages over practices magic with him on Tuesdays?

And yes, witches and wizards had ways to make it look like they burned at the stake when they actually survived, such as the Flame-Freezing Charm. But young children, with little control over their magic? If they were caught or exposed, well, it probably wouldn't end well for them.

Plus, wizardkind is outnumbered by Muggles, by a huge amount. If a village of Muggles who hated and feared magic discovered that a family of wizards and witches was among them, the parents would be burdened with trying to flee from a few hundred people while protecting their kids (who can't control their magic).

Salazar Slytherin didn't like Muggles or Muggle-borns. He hated them and feared them, not because they were inferior, but because they were dangerous. And while murdering children with a giant snake is not a good way to solve this danger to his family, people, and culture, it HAS to be seen that his actions were born not from arrogance, but from fear.

And there were Slytherins who knew this, long before Muggles had become so othered from wizarding society that some families started to believe that Muggles were inferior to those with "pure blood." Like Merlin, Prince of Enchanters, arguably the greatest wizard of all time, who founded the Order of Merlin to protect and aid Muggles, whose name has become synonymous with Muggle rights activisim. Merlin, a Slytherin.

If Salazar Slytherin was alive in the 20th century, he would laugh at the idea that Muggles were inferior. He would be the first to point out that Lily Evans and Hermione Granger, the brightest witches of their age, were Muggle-born. He would scorn the idea that pure-bloods were better, saying if that's true, why is Draco Malfoy, a pure-blood, second to a Muggle-born?

Salazar had questionable morals, to be sure (anyone who doesn't think so can re-read the Chamber of Secrets, where he hid a giant snake in a school full of children to murder the ones he deemed dangerous). But he never, never once thought that Muggles were inferior to wizards.

[taschamonnii]

Enchanted

You x Wanda Maximoff (MCU WandaVision - Elizabeth Olsen) 

Angst/Smut

Summary: Enchanted strap because Wanda wants babies. There is still a plot and big sad energy because I have many issues. You get a back story so that things matter more and hit harder. Yes I am ridiculously adding feelings to some weird smut. 

TW: SMUT, 18+, Enchanted Strap, Impregnating, GP!

Here is the title song: Enchanted By Taylor Swift 

AN: I don’t want to talk about it. We are all going to hell and I am just dragging you all along with me lol I just have been seeing a lot of GP! With Wanda but most of the time it is Wanda with the GP! & I thought about how much she craves a family and got a weird idea. What can I say? My brain is a strange place. I really hope you all like it I surprised myself and really enjoyed writing it. I may want to write more of it but I just don't know if anyone else wants to see it.

Before you say anything just look at her and tell me you wouldn't do anything she asked!

Word Count: 2,632 

Imagine This:

You are married to Wanda Maximoff. You both escaped the hero and villain scene after a close call. Wanda refused to lose you like she had lost everyone else she loved. You live in a cabin in the woods that is at the edge of a small town. You live a normal life. Well as normal as you can be with a witch as a wife and your own powers of hypersensitivity and mind reading. You both were part of the Avengers for a while. You were there after she had already lost Pietro. But you witnessed first hand losing Vision. 

You were friends, all the avengers cared for each other that is what made you a team. However, you had a crush on Wanda the instant you saw her but you were always on different missions and Natasha told you her and Vision were a thing so you pushed your crush aside. You didn’t have time for it anyway Natasha was training you on basically everything and she consumed most of your time. Nevertheless, you became close friends with Wanda and Vision because Nat really cared for Wanda.

You may or may not have had a fling with Nat but it was supposed to be strictly physical even though half the time it ended up being cuddling. Things all changed when that ugly purple asshole came to earth and fucked everything. You had arrived with Nat to try and help even though your powers are practically useless in the battle scenarios. You end up trapped with Nat as Thanos surrounds you both by the earth with a stone. You watch helplessly as everyone tries to fight the Barney looking bastard. Until there is no one left except Wanda who is falling apart as she slowly destroys Vision's mind stone and in turn Vision. You can feel her pain even from where you are trapped. Her thoughts are so loud, it is as if her soul is screaming and crying and it shatters your heart. You watch on as she has to fight off Thanos as she continues to destroy the stone. The flash and force of her destroying the stone blinds you for a moment and when you look again she is on the ground and Thanos is touching her head. You have to watch as he turns back the time and throws her aside as he takes Visions stone. Wanda’s soul only screams louder to you. You watch as people start to turn to dust all around you and you grab Natasha’s hand squeezing it for dear life. You watch Wanda fade into dust into nothing and hear her soul's last strangled cry; it sounds like relief. 

Natascha squeezes your hand harder. You look at her and both fight to escape and manage to get free running right to where Wanda just was. Nat gasps and folds in on herself grabbing at her sister's vest. You catch her before she falls to the ground. You know her sister and all the lives just lost weigh heavy on her. Her soul cries and you hold her thankful you still have her. She is your best friend and honestly all you really have. Especially now. 

You work with Nat and the others that remain to figure out a plan to fix this, to bring everyone back. The plan was good. The plan worked but not without great sacrifice. You didn’t get to time travel, you had your own part to play. You hugged Natasha before she left and you wish you had never let her go, not that you could have stopped her. 

Your mission was to retrieve people who come back if it worked. You went and waited in Wakanda. You brought Wanda and the others back and you consoled her the best you could. You understood the grief you’d lost all your family long ago and this whole thing just brought all that pain back to the surface. Wanda’s grief was the most painful thing you’d ever felt. Well except for the pain and grief you both feel when you return and learn Natasha sacrificed herself.

 You both fell to the floor in a pile holding each other like your lives depended on it because well they did. You stayed practically hooked together barely ever letting go of some kind of physical contact. You share Nats bed and fall asleep crying wrapped up in each other. The team builds on the original plan to destroy Thanos for good. You and Wanda are on autopilot. You both have no one left. Sure there is Clint and the others who care about you both but no one else understands. The night before the epic end-all fight you confess your fears even though you know Wanda can hear them and you can hear hers and they are the same. You are afraid you will lose each other. You decide to voice your locked away feelings and kiss her. 

The kiss is everything, it is life altering and she feels it too. It slows down time. It makes you both gasp for air and cling to each other harder. Like finding the last piece of a puzzle everything suddenly fits and makes sense and you can see a future with her something you’ve both never had the chance to dream of let alone have. 

The battle is epic. Wanda almost kills Thanos all on her own. You think she would have if he hadn’t sabotaged his own soldiers to escape her wrath. You’ve never seen her so angry. You were stationed on a ship with others that didn’t have battle powers. Unfortunately the ship wasn’t a safer place and it got hit. Wanda barely got to you in time as it went down. When she did get to you she didn’t let you go. The way her soul spoke to you refusing to lose you. You locked your gaze on hers and had to fight tears getting lost in her tear filled emerald eyes. A silent promise was made between you. Your souls promise to never let go and never leave the other. 

The battle ended soon after. Tony’s self sacrifice overshadowed everyone else especially Natasha’s and it was the extra solidification for you and Wanda to finally leave this life to go live a peaceful one alone. 

That is how you ended up here in this little cozy cabin in the woods on the outskirts of a precious small town you call home. Happily married to Wanda. It’s been a few years and you both have never known peace like this. She is so happy and you are determined to keep her as happy as possible for the rest of your lives. So when she starts to talk about this aching feeling of missing something you try your hardest to understand. 

She wants a family, a real family with you. She wants babies. More specifically, she wants to be pregnant. Even more specifically she wants you to get her pregnant and that you thought was pretty impossible but you have learned not to underestimate her powers. She wants everything her comforting sitcoms have and she is determined to have it all with you. 

And that is how you have found yourself in this situation. 

You are laying on your shared bed naked and flat on your back. She is naked on her knees in-between your legs. Her gaze is focused and intense; her green eyes map out every inch of you. 

She nibbles on her bottom lip, a nervous habit. "I trust you, Wanda." 

She glances up and meets your gaze, you're confident in her and trust her with your life. She moves to lean over you and lowers her lips to yours, capturing them in a searing kiss. A promise shared to be cautious as you both proceed. She leans back and smiles down at you. "I love you, y/n."

"I love you too, Wanda." 

Her gaze falls between your legs and red illuminates the room as she begins to manipulate reality. You hold yourself up on your elbows to watch completely in awe as a penis forms between your legs. You never thought this would be something you'd want. You admit you'd thought about what it would be like to be a man but never pictured you'd ever be like this. 

Her magic fades and she slowly takes it in her soft hands and fuck her hands are softer than ever as she gently touches it. Touches you. You can feel everything. You can't help the soft sigh that leaves your lips and her gaze shoots up to your face. 

"y/n, are you okay, my sweet girl?" 

You nod "MMMM mmm hmm"

"Can you feel it?"

She runs her slender fingers up to the tip and slides her thumb softly over the slit there. 

"Yes fuck Wanda that feels way too good. I don't know if I will be able to handle being inside you like this. It's so sensitive." 

"I'll go slow." 

You can feel it twitch and move on its own in her hands and as her deep raspy voice surrounds you. God you love her! 

She leans down and you watch in awe as she just ghosts her lips against the tip. It feels like when she teases your clit with soft kisses only 100 times stronger! You can't help the whimper that leaves your lips. 

She smirks and you can hear her thoughts. "I can't wait to taste you!"

"Fuck Wanda!"

She softly licks the tip and you throw your head back with a moan. 

It feels so hard it's almost like it's pulsing like when your clit throbs begging for friction. She reads you and wraps her lips around the tip bringing it into her warm mouth. 

"Fuck Wanda I can't! I'm gonna ah!" 

She sucks gently and flicks her tongue and holds the rest of the shaft in her long slender fingers that you usually love inside of you. It's overwhelming, it's too much and you can't stop your hips from gently bucking. Your hands fist the sheets. 

She sucks harder and squeezes you in her hands and that's it you erupt tumbling over the edge. A sort of plus runs up the shaft as you feel yourself cum and it's intense and weird to feel it shoot out the tip. It's short squirts pulsating. She moans and the vibrations have you whimpering. She sucks the tip dry with a pop and licks her lips. "You taste the same. Absolutely delicious!" 

The way she talks and looks at you while she licks her lips has you twitching for more. You want her more than anything else. You run your hands through her hair and tug her up. You kiss her lips nipping softly at her lower lip. "Sit on my face. I need to taste you." 

She whimpers as she kisses you harder. She moves effortlessly to hover over you and you can see how wet she is. You hold her hips and guide her closer. You latch onto her sucking and flicking your tongue. She moans breathlessly and you can feel yourself getting hard again. You can't get enough of her. You suck harder and she pulls your hair as she rocks her hips. Her legs squeeze around your head and you moan into her, sending her over the edge and making her crumple forward. She pulls away far too quickly but you can see it in her gaze as she slides her wet core against your abs. She leaves a trail down your body and you feel yourself twitch hard. 

You groan as she lowers herself. She runs her slick heat against you and you twitch even more, getting harder she slicks your entire member and lifts herself up. Her gaze is locked on it so she can line herself up and your gaze is locked on her. 

She glances up to check in and you nod before you both glance back down to watch her slick wet heat surround you. She goes slowly. She squeezes you tightly as she lowers herself all the way. You both sigh with relief. 

She lifts back up halfway and slowly goes back down and you have to throw your head back as a moan escapes your throat. She's so wet and as she slowly moves she feels hotter. She bottoms out and just gyrates her hips for a bit and you can feel that you fit perfectly inside her fully. “You hit every spot baby. AH! You feel so good!” 

She leans over you slowly coming down to kiss your lips. The position has you only half inside her and your body reacts needing to be inside her more. You bend your legs and move your hips sliding all the way in. You both moan into the kiss being able to feel so much pleasure with her whole body on top of you breasts pressed together and lips locked is fucking phenomenal! The angle also allows her to match your hips and soon you both find a rhythm that feels far too good. “I can’t do this for long. Wanda your so tigh-FUCK! You feel so GOOD!”

She hums happily against your neck and bites down sucking hard to leave her mark on your neck and it’s too much to have her all over you to feel her blazing skin and sweet sweat and hard nipples. Her hot breath against your skin, her tongue on your pulse all while being inside her tight soaking wet heat. 

You buck your hips out of rhythm and she sits up putting her hands on your breasts as she looks down at you. She smirks and then you feel her tighten around you. You can’t stop the whimper that leaves your lips as she continues to purposely contract around you. You grab her hips hard. She sighs and moans and squeezes your boobs hard as she constricts you and slightly moves her hips up like she is trying to milk you and it works. You erupt even harder than before. Hot strings of your cum shoot inside her and have her coming hard pulsing and contracting around you even harder. She presses her hips down hard holding onto you making sure you fill her up as much as possible. It is a sight to see. Your hands grip her sides harder and she squeezes your breasts harder. Her own nipples are so hard you want them in your mouth desperately. 

Her gaze finally meets yours after you both catch your breath “fuck that was so good baby I feel so full.” 

She leans down and presses her lips to yours and moves her hands to tug your hair. Her hard nipples graze yours and you are so overwhelmingly sensitive that your body jolts and she bites your bottom lip. You whimper as she releases your lip from between her teeth. “Next time will be even better I want to fuck you so many different ways like this Wanda.”

“Mmm you have no idea baby girl I have so many ideas. I love coming with you!”

She sat up and bit her bottom lip before fidgeting with her fingers. You know she wants to ask something but she is blocking you from hearing her thoughts and she is hesitating. You sit up and suppress a groan at the feel of moving at all while still deep inside her. You  caress her cheek softly with concern written on your face. “What is it, love?”

Her gaze locks on to you and your gaze softens. Her emerald eyes are so full of love.

“Would you let me get you pregnant? We could be pregnant together. We could create our family faster.”

AN: Who wants to see Wanda get the reader pregnant in the same way? Should I continue this or was this a horrible idea? 

[juuls]

Multi-Fandom Fic Recs

The @fanfic-reading-challenge gives me the opportunity to explore tons of fandoms I normally wouldn't, and I wanted to share some of my favourite so far this year!

Game of Thrones

and in the night, you'll hear me calling by shawsdavid | T | 10k | Jon/Sansa/Margaery: When you met your soulmate, touched them for the first time, you would see everything in all its colorful glory.

A Knight's Watch by DolorousEdditor | M | 670k | Jonsa: Jon Snow is forbidden to take the black by his father. Instead he sent to squire for a famous knight, beginning a long arduous journey that causes him to cross paths with characters he never would have. Along the way he learns truths long hidden and discovers love in the most unlikely of places. All of this in the shadow of the War of Five Kings and the coming of the Others.

Potterverse

Dancing with Draco by diamonddaydream | T | 19k | Dramione: Retelling of the Yule Ball segment of Goblet of Fire as a Dramione story. Hermione Granger needs a dance tutor before she embarrasses her partner, Viktor Krum, and herself at the Yule Ball. Draco Malfoy needs a good deed to make amends for hexing her teeth. Both of them need to keep everyone else for finding out what's going on between them. Fluffy romance with just a touch of angst. NOTE: story continues in "Draco Takes a Mark."

All I Have Never Known by LittleSixx | M | 32k | Dramione: The Ministry of Magic requires all magical people to marry someone of opposite blood status by 25. The Malfoys host a ball to help Draco meet a non-pureblood witch, and the one he falls for isn't who she claims to be.

Divination for Skeptics by olivieblake | M | 98k | Dramione: The latest in magical advancements is an enchantment that reveals the bearer’s romantic compatibility with another person. Effectively eliminating uncertainty from dating, the charm can tell you whether or not you’ve found The One with a precise, Hermione Granger-approved calculation of traits and preferences. It’s a foolproof method of predicting relationship happiness. It’s also, for Hermione, positively dreadful news. Dramione, post-war, soulmate AU.

The Black Rose by DarkCloud190, Rijaya83 | E | 166k | Dreomione: After years of a rocky relationship, Hermione Granger is single again, and for the life of her she cannot stop staring at her two friends. Draco Malfoy and Theo Nott both work with her at the DMLE and she is analyzing everything they say, do, or breathe. Surely, she is just imagining it. They have been dating each other for a year now and couldn't possibly be interested in her. Hermione's troubled love life aside, there is a killer targeting a specific group of people, putting both Hermione and Theo at risk.

Hermione Granger, Demonologist by BrilliantLady | T | 47k | Hermione & Theo: Hermione was eight when she summoned her first demon. She was lonely. He asked what she wanted, and she said a friend to have tea parties with. It confused him a lot. But that wasn’t going to stop him from striking a promising deal with the young witch.

The Accidental Courtship by Lomonaaeren | T | 14k | NottPott: Harry gets a soul-mark during his eighth year at Hogwarts, and is hopeful that he can finally be sure he’ll have someone who loves him for himself. When Theodore Nott rejects him, Harry steps back and goes to live his own life. Theo, who doesn’t want to be trapped in the limelight at Potter’s side, finds himself falling in love anyway.

A Star and Her Dragon by Lizzie_carlile | E | 256k | Theomione, Drarry, Hermione & the Malfoys: “The order took everything from me,” Lucius spoke again. “Now I’ll become the monster they always feared I would be.” The Death of the Malfoy Daughter was the catalyst for Lucius Malfoy becoming the man that everyone feared he would. With a second war brewing and secrets finally coming to light, one girl holds the key to turning the tides of the war.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

Odd Little Family by chimneystacks | T | 1.7k | Xedgin: "Kira found it practical to believe that her father would someday remarry, and even more so to believe that it would be to the woman who was already a trusted, guiding figure to his child. Therefore, it was much to her surprise when a tall, handsome man interrupted her lute practice to ask her blessing in his proposal to her father."

House of the Dragon

The Falcon Becomes a Dragon by MichelleGz | T | 28k | Daemyra & Aemma: What if Rhaenyra and Daemon “woke up” during the tourney that was hosted for Baelon’s impending birth, both remembering their future life. What if Aemma’s labors were not so far along. What if there was time to save her? Will Aemma believe that her beloved husband was going to kill her for the child in her womb?

you and i are made of fire by aur_el_ias | M | 8.6k | Daemyra: Soulmarks are no trivial thing. Indeed, the words inscribed on the wrist are far from frivolous—they are the most important words heard in one's life, spoken by another. Unfortunately, save for a few exceptions, most highborn marriages are not soul-bound marriages. This is the story of one of those exceptions. OR In 105 AC, Daemon Targaryen finds his soulmate.

Viable Alternatives series by madina | T | 375k | Laenor/Rhaenyra, Daemyra, her children, and Viserys' children: So much could have been solved and so many could have been spared if a universe with dragons, magic, wargs and White Walkers had artificial insemination—and if the characters tried to be anything else but a dysfunctional family.

lodestar by aramblingjay | M | 43k | Daemyra: A Targaryen destined for a soulmate is a strange, broken creature, alone in a way that lives in their very bones, waiting for the half that will make them whole. Daemon waits sixteen years for her, and then a whole lot longer. A soulmates share scars au.

From Ashes to Embers by ladyalianora (AmbitiousWitch) | M | 185k | Cregan Stark/Rhaenyra, Daemyra: After burning by Sunfyre's flames, Rhaenyra Targaryen wakes up in her maiden bed, five and ten once more. With her mind broken and a determination to not relive the life she left behind, in a court that still presents a danger and with a father that keeps tripping her path. Can she change the future? Can she give up enough to take her crown? Or will she once again lose to her father's mistakes, her enemies' schemes and her own errors? (Juulna: One of my all-time favourites.)

A Woman Scorned by Shadow_Monarch_14 | E | 96k | WIP | Daemyra, Aemma/OC: After Prince Baelon Targaryen was a miscarriage, Queen Aemma Arryn tells King Viserys I Targaryen that she will have no more children. She has given him a daughter (a heiress) and that should be good enough. Viserys, pressured by his Small Council and his dream of a male heir as well as manipulated by Otto, makes the decision to set Aemma aside and marry Alicent. Aemma, betrayed by the love of her life, agrees… after taking her daughter, Dragonstone and the Islands of the Narrow Sea and the dragons from Viserys and his Small Council. If Otto Hightower wants a dragon King with his blood on the Iron Throne, he'll have to another thing coming.

Ancient Fire by AnaWayne | NR | 198k | WIP | Rhea/Daemon, Jonsa: Bran Stark knew that it wasn’t enough. So he decided to use his sister’s dormant yet growing magic to change the history of the House of Dragons before its fall.

put down that gravestone by darkgods | E | 249k | WIP | Daemyra: they have his mother's eyes, these would-be velaryon boys. not those of their own mother, but his. the king stretches limbs and smiles wide, heedless of his brother's fury mingled with agony, his daughter's frozen gaze. fire and blood has reunited. all must be well. the king thinks nothing of the prince's lack of mourning blacks, for the whole kingdom knew the wife daemon targaryen sought was never found in the vale. ten years after the godsforsaken night in the brothel, daemon targaryen makes his return to court to find it infested with vipers that threaten to coil lethal bodies around his niece. his niece and the nephews that bear his features yet claim the name velaryon. the rogue prince has returned, and a reckoning is set to begin.

Marvel

Some Things Shouldn't Be a Chore by scifigrl47 | T | 22k | Stony, Phlint: Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

Basic Rules by StrivingArtist | T | 7.9k | Tony & Avengers: It said something about Toni’s life that she had an established system in case of kidnapping and torture, and while there had been tweaks, it was still basically the same as from when she was a kid.

Let them underestimate you.

Don’t fight back until you have an exit.

Lie from the start.

Protect what matters.

Assume no one is coming to help.

Tony and the Falcon by ArcticVulpix | T | 10k | IronFalcon: Steve introduced Sam Wilson to Tony Stark after the Fall of SHIELD. He grows to regret that. He grows to regret that very much.

Ramblings by TheSovereigntyofReality | G | 34k | Pepperony, Tony & Peggy: The problem with Alzheimer's is that sufferers sometimes ramble…often with no idea who is sitting with them. Peggy says something that sends Tony Stark on a legal manhunt.

Five Things Darcy Loves About Working for SHIELD by teand | M | 49k | ShieldShock, Phlint: The Bronx was up, the Battery was down and thank freaking Thor that SHIELD provided housing or Darcy suspected she wouldn't have been able to afford to live closer than Vermont.

I (created from fantasies) exist solely for you by Mizzy | T | 62k | Stony: Six years ago, without the Avengers Initiative there to save the day, scientist Dr. Eric Selvig sacrificed himself to save the world, the almighty demi-god Thor was lost to a terrible storm, and vigilante Iron Man – spotted with a nuclear weapon trying to take advantage of the situation – was forever labelled an enemy of SHIELD. This is a comic book office AU, where Steve is defrosted a year too late, Thor has forgotten who he is, and no one knows Tony is Iron Man. Also includes: office pranks, inappropriate post-it notes, and superheroes who like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

The Mechanic, The Soldier, and The Captain by AvocadoLove | M | 6.4k | Stuckony: HYDRA need a replacement for Zola’s genius, and they have years worth of experience breaking and brainwashing a good man into something they can control.

The Evidence by StrivingArtist | T | 16k | WinterIron: Didn’t notice. Right. Sure. Two brilliant minds, two super spies, and a god didn’t notice when the chattiest man they knew stopped making sound. They just seemed happier than before. Brighter and more cheerful than before. They just seemed like they were more comfortable with him around when he was stone silent. Fuck it. He knew they noticed. And he knew they liked him better this way.

In Which The Winter Soldier Might Just Be Wooing Darcy by Out_Of_Custody | T | 28k | WinterShock: Exactly what it says on the tin. (Prompt-Fic) (Juulna: I adore this fic!)

Blood Stained by QueenVee1 | NR | 313k | WinterShieldShock: With a war on the horizon, the Avengers mend bridges that had been burned, relationships are rebuilt, and new friends forged. After a chance encounter with Steve Rogers, Darcy Lewis figures she's had her fill of Avenger-related activities. Turns out she's more entrenched than she ever thought possible. When she forms an unlikely friendship with James "Bucky" Barnes, she thinks her life can't get any weirder. Spoiler alert: IT CAN! A (double!?!?) meet!cute and secret!sibling story! They said it couldn't be done. B**** YOU THOUGHT!

Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows

Quiet Miracles by goatsandgangsters | G | 10k | Darklina, Zoya & Nikolai & Alina & Aleksander: Alina knew miracles. She was no Saint and no savior, she knew this. But she knew the light in someone’s eyes when they smiled. She knew the warmth of an arm slung around her shoulder, the squeeze of a hand, the elbow in her side, the tight squeeze of an embrace. She knew the moment the room held its breath and then broke into the brilliant cascade of laughter. She knew the glimmer of tears wiped from her cheeks by careful fingers. Alina knew miracles. Ravka had never been so full of them. Or: sometimes a government is the beloved sun saint of the people, a young king determined to fix what has long been broken, the eminently practical head of the newly formed Grisha council, and the heretic who’s no longer going it alone.

Without a Mouth I Can Swear Your Name by tothewillofthepeople | T | 32k | Wesper, Kinej | Helnik: Kaz looked at Matthias coldly. “What do you want?” “I want to know where Wylan Van Eck is,” Matthias said. (A Six of Crows Hogwarts AU)

Star Trek Discovery

Respite series by Alethia | E | 22k | Michael/Pike: The Terran Pike comes to visit the newly-resurrected Captain Burnham on the Shenzhou and things get…heated.

Stargate Atlantis

Desert Rose by mific | E | 18k | McShep | John, a downed Hurricane pilot in WWII, is rescued by Rodney who's tracking strange energy readings in the Sahara. And in another life, their story makes another John and Rodney unwilling Atlantis celebrities.

Ted Lasso

At the Right Time by Annaelle | E | 25k | RoyJamie: Roy doesn't like to think he's taking advantage of Jamie. He's making him better, stronger, faster, a better player, and now that he's got the fucking muppet actually behaving for him, he'll be damned if he lets him go. For the PepPerVerse Bottom!Roy Challenge.

The Hunger Games

The Victors of District Twelve by DustyAttic | G | 49k | Everlark & Lucy Gray Baird & Haymitch: night What if Lucy Gray survived that night in the woods with Snow? What if she made it up north, found those people rumored to be surviving without the Capitol, and realized District Thirteen wasn't quite as obliterated as she'd been taught? And what if, sixty-five years later and after watching a certain Mockingjay end Snow's reign, she came back to District Twelve? This is the story of Katniss and Peeta meeting Lucy Gray Baird, and learning her story-- the story that Snow so desperately tried to erase.

The Locked Tomb

Your Necro Questions Answered by Magichorse | T | 8.8k | Griddlehark: Syndicated columnist "Nav the Cav" offers a sympathetic ear to cavaliers across the galaxy and dispenses practical, no-nonsense, real talk advice on how to properly manage and care for your necromancer.

Cake by the Ocean by zoicite | T | 15k | Griddlehark: Okay, so the thing was, Gideon had always been shit at plans. She knew that. Everyone knew that, but this--she really didn’t think it would be this hard! Gideon’s voice was like the least memorable thing about her. Bargaining her voice for a well-shaped set of human legs--that really should have worked in her favor.

who ya gonna call? by igneousbitch | E | 24k | Griddlehark: (Casual sex and paranormal investigation. Not necessarily in that order.) (Or: the Buzzfeed Unsolved AU in which Gideon is ready to fight a ghost, and Harrow just wants to be haunted.)

Behind the Locked Door by UnseelieWench | T | 98k | Griddlehark: It figures that the only college with the badass Cavalier program is also the college that Harrow Nonagesimus wants to attend. Oh well. Campus is big, right? She'll probably never see that pointed little face again.

The Mummy

Best Laid Plans by kyaticlikestea | T | 6.6k | Ardeth Bay/Jonathan Carnahan: After 20 years of being subjected to more yearning than any sister should ever have to witness, Evy decides that enough's enough.

Wednesday

A Torment of the Mind by cherrybirch | M | 58k | Wenvier: In which Wednesday and Xavier sign up for Hermione’s course in Legilimency. Two overdramatic darkness-loving teens with crushes on each other, trying to master their psychic powers by learning to read each other's minds… what could go wrong? NOTE: Canon non-compliance has been tagged for three things: Hermione’s presence at Nevermore, Larissa acting as principal (as if nothing happened), and the complete removal of the stalker subplot. (I find stalkers terrifying and don’t want to write about one.)

[reigenkills]

no Muerte x Reader? fine (thanos voice): i'll do it myself

ella enchanted + red riding hood reader, Death having a laugh

EDIT: PART TWO LMAO | PART THREE 💀 | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | 7 | 8

EDIT EDIT: AO3 CROSSPOST

EDIT EDIT EDIT: WHOEVER WANTS TO BE ON A TAGLIST FOR THIS PLS PUT IN THE REPLIES

"I'm surprised you actually tried it."

You wince, instantly holding yourself still in the pose of dropping a match into a bowl full of spell ingredients. There is a fire burning in said bowl in front of you, but your shadow stretches ahead, looming over you, the summoning circle, and the stolen grimoire.

"It wasn't supposed to work," you say.

"It wouldn't have," says the thing casting the physics-bending shadow. "But I'm curious why you did it anyway when you knew it was a dud."

You eye the grimoire with a grimace, pride twinging in sympathy for the witch you'd stolen it from. She was a big-name witch too, real infamous in her circles. Of course you knew she was bullshit the second she started talking about being able to undo your curse, but some of her work is legit; and she might have tried to turn you into a toad, but you're slightly offended on her behalf.

There's a sniff (what? who just does that?) and then the shadow tilts its head. "Something's wrong with you."

"Isn't there with everyone?"

The shadow ignores you, instead stooping down - and a shot of fear bolts down your spine at the sudden wash of cold that hangs close to your back. There's that sniff again, and then, a voice right beside you says: "Oh, you're cursed."

Great. Rule number one of being a mercenary, never let your enemies smell blood. Or fear. Or uh, your curse, but apparently this guy can sniff that out somehow.

Then again, you should have expected this when you got roped into catching fucking Death.

It'll be a quick job, they said. Twenty minutes tops after snatching the great Evil Witch's spellbook and finding the spell to trap Death. Nevermind the fact that every witch worth their broom calls themself an Evil Witch these days, of course, and you had to go through several hundred censuses to figure out which one was your mark.

And then there's the fact that you're supposed to be catching Death. Fucking hell.

"Curious," says Death. Honest-to-goodness Death. What the fuck. "If you knew it wasn't going to work, and if you're already headed my way with that curse, why go through with the spell?"

"Shouldn't you know?"

"I'm Death, not Knowledge," he says. "Trust me, you'd know the difference between me and that nerd any day."

To your mortification, you can't stop the godawful snicker that joke gets out of you. You slap a hand over your mouth to muffle the noise.

Death snorts. "Tell me."

"I was ordered to trap you," you automatically say, and then clench your teeth in frustration, frowning. This damnable curse of yours.

"Oh?" Death moves, smoothly gliding from behind you to your side; the movement instantly draws your attention to him and - oh shit.

"What red eyes you have," you whisper, freezing under the brightness of his stare. With his hood pulled over his head, they're about the only thing you can see of his face, save for his snout, and the rows of large, sharp, teeth.

"The better to see you with, my dear." Death grins. "Was that your curse?"

"What was?" You swallow. "I'm just not used to meeting new people, I'm a nervous blabber."

"Tell me the truth."

"Yes, it was," you say, and then make a noise of frustration, clenching your fists.

"Look at that." If it were possible, Death's grin widens, effectively baring his teeth not even two inches away from your face in the process. "Isn't that interesting?"

"It's really not."

"Oh, but it is," he says. "How'd you get it? Parents not pay off their debts when it was due? Throw a rock at a bird and anger its patron? Or did you cut out the middleman and piss off fae?"

Spitefully, you keep your mouth shut, teeth grinding together in the effort. Death only snickers, narrowing his eyes in amusement.

"I could always just ask you to tell me," he says. "I don't have to be polite to someone who was trying to trap me."

"I knew it wouldn't work."

"You tried it anyway," he says. "And if you're gonna blame it on your curse, then let me understand exactly how this works."

Your gums are starting to hurt from how hard your jaw is clenched. Your glare up at him as pettily as you can manage, but the motherfucker doesn't look away, doesn't even blink while you glower at him.

Fucking eldritch entities.

You sigh.

"I was…cursed," you say, then, amend: "Gifted by fae when I was a baby. The gift of obedience."

"Because?"

"...cause she thought it would be a nice gift," you grumble. "Except - you know - that's nice when you're like, five or something, but not when…" You make a haphazard gesture with your hand.

Death eyes you up and down, though his gaze lingers over your shoulder and above your head, like he's seeing something only he can sense. You try your best not to shrink under the intensity of his gaze.

After a while, he says, "Pat your head."

Your hand automatically flies up to pat your head.

The piece of shit has the gall to laugh.

"Asshole!" You get to your feet, kicking the bowl of still-burning summoning ingredients at him. Who gives a shit if it's Death. The ass just laughed at you after telling you to pat your head like a chump. Sadly, he barely has to pay attention to dodge the metal bowl as it flies past him.

"You had to run around looking for that witch and nearly get turned into a worm," Death says, "Because of a gift of obedience?"

He breaks into another round of cackles at that, all seven feet or so of him doubling over in laughter. Your hands twitch for one of the guns in your holster, but no matter how irritating he is, it's probably not a good idea to shoot Death.

"Very funny," you seethe.

"It is," Death says, "It's hilarious."

"Yeah, well, let's see you laughing when someone figures out they can tell me to try and kill you or whatever," you grit out. "I can't control it, you know."

"Mm. I'd just tell you to not do that, after you tire yourself out. Way more fun that way," he says, snickering.

He turns to where the remnants of the ingredients bowl have scattered, still burning away - because the magic might have been wrong, but it's still magic, so the damn things haven't burnt to ashes yet - and inclines his head down towards it. The flames instantly snuff out.

"Stop trying to trap me," he says, and you instantly feel the command contradict your last directive, strain against it, and break it down. Your limbs loosen; you unclench your jaw. "You should probably move continents or something. Far Far Away still has mercenaries."

"You're not gonna kill me?"

"I don't kill," Death snorts. "I collect. The affairs of the living aren't my concern - until they are, at least. Some kid getting their curse used against them hardly concerns me."

The wording has you narrowing your eyes at him again. "And my…employers?"

He grins again, and you wisely back off at the sight of his teeth. "That's up to me to decide, isn't it?"

"I guess," you say. "You need addresses or anything?"

"Nah," he says. "I'm Death, kid. I'm everywhere."

This time, you snort, crouching to pick up the grimoire on the floor and tuck it under your arm. If you're gonna move continents to a place where nobody knows your curse, you're gonna need way more leverage than you usually do. "You just said you weren't Knowledge - "

You blink as you straighten, finding yourself alone in the barren, empty room. There's no looming figure, no overly bright red eyes. Just you.

You were visited by Death and he didn't kill you. Laughed at your plight, yes, but you're alive and kicking.

Probably best not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Or a wolf in the maw. Whatever. You should start packing and getting the hell out of here.

[slashingdisneypasta]

DMD!Scarecrow (+ Glinda The Good Witch) x Seductress!Fae!Reader || Drabble

Plot: Glinda has you, her favourite spy, attempt to gather intel on the Scarecrow (her other Favourite)... but as it turns out, she doesn't particularly like how well her favourite pets play together. But they endeavour to show her- she doesn't own them.

Warnings: Sexual and dark themes. References to monster fucking (Scarecrow). Unedited.

You left the Scarecrow for last of Dorothy's old friends, per Glinda's request. She said he was crafty, and she suggested you make sure you're truly ready before speaking to him. That all your pretty little thoughts are in order and your pretty little head is straight. After all, even she found him frustrating at times, and it was no secret that she was actually fond of the monster the Scarecrow had become since Dorothy returned. He was a Favourite of Glinda's, in fact- just like you were.

So you assumed him to be tricky, but you didn't anticipate quite how tricky.

For example, you aren't quite sure... how you ended up in his lap.

Or why on earth, you were sitting there and allowing him to tell you about his work. You already knew all of this! Glinda knows about all of this! You want to know about the other stuff- the secret stuff he does when she's not looking at him. Thats what you were assigned to find out, to draw from him with your good looks and some choice words. But he spoke circles around you and made you dizzy, and when he took your hand in his and boldly guided you to take a seat on his lap you just did, stupidly. God, you were supposed to be good at this... you're beautiful, and enchanting, and charming. And you're smart enough to know how to use it. You skills had worked with the Lion and the Tin Man perfectly well after all, the Tin Man is in love with someone else! Why was the Scarecrow so different??

... hmph, you frown (Or pout) when he's not looking. Glinda will not be happy with you (With either of you- but especially you), if you fail... You have to turn this around.

And you know just how to do it. He thinks you're a dumb, silly girl?? You can use that.

"Scare?" You ask gently, melodically, finding a moment when he's not talking, and softly nudging his chin upwards with your pointer finger so he looks at you perched there oh-so-temptingly in his lap. His blue, painted-on eyes look bored for a moment, before the heated look in your eyes registers. Then a slow, wicked smirk spreads across his stitched-on lips. "I know all of this... " You whisper, a mischievous grin tugging at both corners of your pretty, glittery lips. "You know, I know all of this." Fingers gliding down his burlap shoulders to his chest, which is oddly warm, you give a sigh. "... lets just be honest with each other."

"Oh?" This captures his attention, as he straightens up and grins smugly down at you; intrigued. "How honest, little fae?"

"Fully. ... Glinda sent me." You admit to him, getting no responce- because he knew. Of course, he knew. Why wouldn't he? He's the smartest man in all of Oz. Before he can ask any questions, though, you quickly go on; covering your tracks again. "But its not what you think. Or- what you might think. She... she thinks we might get along. You and I. She thinks... "

The Scarecrow's eyes widen, as if his eyebrows that don't exist are shooting up in sincere surprise, and you resist the urge to smirk. Men are too easy. You just need to know... where to cut. And now you do.

"Glinda?? Playing match maker??" Scarecrow blinks, shocked and confused, and you give a dainty shrug.

"I don't blame you for being surprised, if your relationship with her is anything like mine is... " You make your eyes round and meaningful; If she kisses him the way she kisses you. Then sweetly pick a loose strand of hay off his shoulder. "Well. I think she's angling for a group thing... If you know what I mean. We're boring her separately, now, basically."

That snaps Scarecrow out of his baffled reverie, his eyes narrowing. "Boring her??" You can practically see the cogs turning in his saw-dust head; deeply offended and full of spite. How could anyone get tired of him?? He gets bored with everyone else. He is brilliant. As anger builds up in his lanky sack body, his gloved hands tighten on you. "... turn around." He finally mutters, frustration thick in his scratchy voice.

Carefully you turn your body around, wrapping your legs around him and manoeuvring your dress so it doesn't get tangled up. In your head, you hear a sugary yet annoyed voice whisper 'darling... what are you doing??'.

"Did you hear that, too?" Scarecrow asks, and you nod; heat in your eyes that mirrors the burn in his voice. "Good." Then he pulls you by your thighs in closer against his lap, so you're sat spread-out directly atop his bulge. Honestly, you're quite surprised. What's down there!??- "Maybe we're bored of her first, hm?"

... a slow smile spreads across your face at him. He's walking right into your trap; just like you thought. The only problem is that Glinda doesn't sound too happy about it, which is odd.

'... don't sleep with him, Y/N.' She sounds threatening, like she's warning you.

'I'm just looking out for you~... '

'... Hay, everywhere. And I mean everywhere. You don't want that, dear.'

"She seems quite damn insistent that we don't do this, doesn't she?" The Scarecrow says, ripping you from your thoughts and your worries; telling you that she's telling him off, too. He's getting the same thinly veiled, angry messages. His eyes now slip over you and a vulgar smirk spreads across his face- he's not just interested in you out of spite. He wants you. "I think she's being selfish, don't you?"

'This is not what I asked you to do, Y/N. Listen to me- '

"Yes." You whisper, slicing through her presence in your mind and gently dragging your arms over his shoulders; locking them around his neck; drawing your face in so near to his that you smell canvas hay and canvas. Your core is throbbing on top of him, hearing him talk.

Because- to be quite honest, you've grown frustrated by Glinda controlling your whole life. Keeping you for herself while she fucks anyone she wants, does whatever she pleases,.. and it looks like Scarecrow feels similarly; Tired of being manipulated by this glittery witch.

And this.

This seems like the perfect way to get back at her.

Screw your orders, tonight.

When your lips press experimentally against his very rough ones made of paint and embroidery, you feel a terrible flash of anger from Her, but she says nothing else. Before you can pull back again, the Scarecrow kisses you back; parting his lips, and forcing yours open too, and shoving an odd felt tongue into your mouth. Its not entirely pleasant, but not entirely unpleasant. The tongue is warm.

A choked, pleased sound slips out of you when the Scarecrow's gloved hand slips under your dressed and slips against your core, and he pulls away smirking at that pretty noise you made. "Oh... that Bitch has been selfish, indeed."

Wrapping your legs more securely around him and the back of the chair, you cosy yourself up against him. Chest to chest. "Lets teach her a lesson."

"I'm going to make you scream, Y/N. And I hope she hears it."

[coquelicoq]

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better

i was tagged by @littleragondin! mci mon ami.e !

3 Ships You Like: in a kim dojka & yoo sangah platonic life partners phase rn. god. they would get married but not because they particularly care about marriage, just to bypass the hoops the government makes single people jump through in order to adopt kids, but kim dokja would seriously hesitate for the sole reason that him marrying yoo sangah would make all three of his parents very happy in a way that he would find incredibly annoying.

ok i'm doing another platonic one: moon & ember! i have read the few existing moon & ember fics so many times i can no longer separate them from canon. their dynamic is everything 2 me. bodyguard & anger translator. damaged hottie with trust issues & naive little pretty boy who just wants to go home. moon sees ember as not just a romantic rival but also a threat to his place in the colony, and of course being moon, his reaction to that is not to challenge ember but just to assume that he's been replaced and that he has to start over again alone. ember is everything that moon is not, everything he's convinced he's supposed to be, but ACTUALLY they're both perfect the way they are and there's room enough in this court for the both of them. they are so powerful when they combine their complementary skillsets for the good of the colony. plus i love that every time he interacts with anyone moon is probably thinking, "ugh, i bet EMBER wouldn't be fucking this up"…but also he's defending ember when stone makes fun of him and offering to challenge the reigning queen on ember's behalf! he's protective of ember even as ember embodies everything that makes him insecure. meanwhile ember thinks moon is the coolest person to ever exist and also. extremely cringe. probably 25% of his pillow talk is him subtly trying to convince pearl that moon is just a little birthday boy who should be allowed to be a hugely oversensitive weirdo, as a treat.

people have been rbing some of my cherry magic posts recently so i've been thinking about kurodachi again. i miss them! they're so well matched, so complementary in the ways that they need to grow, and it's lovely to watch them help each other do that. the way that adachi is inspired to make an effort by kurosawa's continuous striving for things he thinks he'll never get, and the way that adachi's apathy for perfection frees kurosawa from his need to be worthy…like ok fine whatever i am listening!!!

First Ship Ever: i have been sitting here trying to think of an earlier ship so i can avoid embarrassing myself, but if i'm honest it's probably ron/hermione. moving right along.

Last Song You Heard: one week by barenaked ladies! what a banger.

Favorite Childhood Book: when i was a kid i had meticulously curated my top ten favorite books, but now i can only remember half of them: island of the blue dolphins, the witch of blackbird pond, ella enchanted, walk two moons, and mrs. frisby and the rats of nimh. can you tell i had one of those bookmarks that listed all the newberry award winners and was working my way through it? lol.

Currently Reading: i just finished my reread of maskerade, the discworld book about the opera, which i had put on hold after reading le fantôme de l'opéra. it wasn't one of my fave discworlds as a teen but i think i'm now in the right headspace for it. enjoyed it quite a bit!

i'm near the end of both the traitor baru cormorant by seth dickinson and par amour by valérie tong cuong. the latter is about a family in le havre during wwii and is very hard to put down. i have honestly no idea what will happen in the remaining two chapters except the nazis are going to lose the war. the traitor baru cormorant is well done, but i don't think i like it enough to read the sequel. (i still am pathologically unable to stop a book that i've started, but i've just discovered that i am capable of stopping after book 1 of a series. life hack!!)

Currently watching: natsume season 4 dub! i just watched the moon-splitting festival arc and the baby nanase episode yesterday. next up is the one about natsume's picture of his parents which. like. let's just say i am marshaling my emotional forces for that one.

also it is about to be march madness! selection sunday tomorrow babey!!!

Currently consuming: the great thing (sarcastic) about living alone is that you spend four hours making this quinoa black bean dish and then have to somehow eat all of it before it goes bad. luckily my neighbor and i have been doing this cute thing for the last ~6 months where we share whatever food we make with each other. this has been working out extremely well for me, because when he cooks i get to eat without having to do anything whatsoever, and when i cook i don't have to worry as much about quantity. i feel like i tricked him into it somehow even though he is getting exactly the same thing out of it as i am.

Currently craving: a baked good i made for the first time recently and then made again two times in rapid succession because i (and my neighbor lol) liked it so much: gingies! okay technically the recipe calls them gingerbread cookie bars, and i just looked up "gingies" (to make sure it's not an offensive term for redheads that i don't know about) and apparently it's frequently used for gingersnaps, but MY use of "gingies" is right and correct and all these other people are idiots. the reason is that they're basically brownies (texture/structure/technique-wise) but with the gingerbread flavor profile instead of chocolate. and "gingeries" sounds stupid, so gingies it is!

tagging @treecakes, @joelletwo, @qserasera, @defeateddetectives, @ctl-yuejie, @deimos-the-wolf, @stupid-lemon-eater, @loreofcardigan, and @dangerliesbeforeyou if you feel like it! no pressure obvi!!

[roboticchibitan]

A cottage witch and her dragon 20

(You can read the rest of this story on AO3 here)

Rodgate sat in a wide valley that was full of lakes, rivers, and streams. The city had a river and several streams running through it. So on days like today, the fog came out in full force.

Serenity wasn't a fan of fog. It gave her the creeps. And today's fog was thicker than usual. When she went out her back door to collect firewood from the lean-to on the back porch, she suddenly felt a large amount of magical energy.

"Granny? What are you doing?" It was hard to see the old lady through the fog.

"I'm spinning fog," came the reply.

"You're what?"

"Come here and I'll show you."

Serenity, cold because she forgot her shawl, exited her garden through the back gate and went to see what Granny was doing.

As she arrived in the neighboring back garden, Serenity extended her magical senses so she could see the Web of All Things. She felt a steady flow of energy from Granny, and an odd sensation of pulling on the fog.

Granny sat with a drop spindle, using one hand to grab handfuls of fog and the other hand was doing the motions of drafting, and from her hands and onto the spindle came a string of condensed fog!

"That's fascinating," Serenity said, "May I touch it?"

"Have at it, girlie," Granny replied, offering up the spindle so Serenity could inspect it.

Serenity touched the fog yarn. It felt both solid and not. There was resistance to Serenity's fingers, but the yarn was see-through. It was an odd sensation. The yarn felt cool but not damp like she expected.

"How are you doing that?"

"Secrets of an old weather witch. You have to sort of use the Web to grab onto it, then some magical energy to make it dense, and then a little more to make it stay as yarn."

"Can you teach me?"

"I'm not sure I could, honestly. Weather witchcraft can be dangerous, and I don't remember all of the precautions young witches have to take anymore. It's all second nature to me at this age. But I'll tell you what I can do. I'll teach you how to use your familiar in a spell. You wouldn't have learned during your apprenticeship because you didn't have a familiar yet, right?"

"Oh, would you?" Serenity asked excitedly. "I know in theory how to do it, but I haven't tried it yet because Dragon is so young and I'm not 100% sure I know what I am doing."

"If he's old enough to get into trouble, he's old enough to help out."

"He's been getting into trouble since the day he hatched," Serenity laughed. "Do you remember how small he was? He fit in my hands!"

"And he tried to eat an entire pot of honey that was bigger than him. I remember."

"He did! But do you really think he's ready to help out in spell work?"

"Well, we can just ask him. He's got his own free will as a sentient being."

"That's true. How much fog yarn are you going to spin?"

"Enough to make a cloak. I have a plan, you see."

"Oh? And what is this plan?"

"An invisibility cloak! Or at least, something close. An almost invisibility cloak."

"Oh, I see! You're going to use the fog's natural ability to obscure things, and make a cloak that makes you hard to see!"

"Exactly," Granny said proudly. "I'm going to spin it, knit it, and enchant it. And you're going to help, because it's for you."

"Granny, you could sell something like that for a fortune!"

"Yes, but that won't put my mind at ease. A young girl like you wandering the city alone is just dangerous. This'll make you harder to notice, so you'll be less likely to run into trouble."

"I can't accept this, it's too much."

"You're going to help me make it, so you deserve to keep it. Don't disappoint this old lady. I am very proud of this invention."

Serenity was still reluctant. "I haven't run into any trouble yet."

"Yet. You're young and you feel invincible, but it's not true. And what happens if someone robs you on your way home from market, and takes all your earnings for that day? Could you take that hit?"

Serenity could not. "Well, I suppose arguing with you is no use."

Granny smiled widely, her hands going back to the spinning as she spoke. "That's my girl."

"I didn't know you could spin."

"I grew up on a farm, remember? We spun our own yarn from the wool our sheep produced!"

"So you've been able to spin yarn this entire time and you never told me?" Serenity said in a fake offended voice.

"It's not my favorite pastime, so I kept it to myself. You'll forgive this old lady, won't you?" Granny said in an equally fake show of penitence.

Serenity laughed. "I suppose I'll have to. How long do you think it'll take you to make enough yarn?"

"A couple more foggy mornings and evenings, I think. I've been doing this all spring. I'm almost finished."

Serenity shivered violently in the cool air. "I'm going to go back inside because I didn't bring my shawl, but you come get me when you're ready to enchant it and we'll cast that spell together."

"Alright, Serenity. You go inside and warm up! I'll come get you when it's ready."

Serenity hurried back inside to make herself some tea. That was the last she heard of the almost invisibility cloak for the better part of a month.

Finally, Granny came to call.

"Serenity, dear, the almost invisibility cloak is all knitted up! It's ready for the spell, and it's a full moon tonight!"

"It's done already? What time do you want to do the ritual?"

"Midnight is traditional, but I don't feel like staying up that late, so how about right after dusk?"

"Alright, my place or yours?"

"How about mine? My table is large enough to use for the ritual."

"Alright, I'll be over at dusk."

"Dragon," Granny said in conspiratorial tones, "What do you think of helping us out in a ritual? You have a lot of magical energy, you could be a big help!"

Dragon perked up at this. He sent a feeling of "Me? Help?"

"Yes, familiars often help their witches in spell work. What do you think? Would you like to give it a try?"

Dragon nodded an emphatic "Yes."

"Alright, you come over at dusk, too."

Excitement rolled off Dragon in waves. He was so delighted that he wiggled a little bit to let out some of the excited energy.

Dusk came, and found Serenity and Dragon in Granny's cottage, preparing for a ritual. Granny set out candles in the traditional pentagram layout. It wasn't strictly necessary, but it was easier to channel and control magical energy if you followed a rigid structure for your rituals. They tended to be more effective that way.

Granny lit the candles, then put the cloak in the center of the pentagram. It was a dense gray, not quite opaque, and when Serenity reached out and touched it, it was cool to the touch.

"Now, you hold my hand, and Dragon, you sit on the other side of the table. I'll direct the energy, since it's my spell. Dragon, when I tell you, you provide us with some energy too, alright? Between the three of us, we should be able to get this done without too much of a rebound."

Dragon nodded gravely, his excitement calmed to seriousness.

Serenity joined hands with Granny and extended her magical senses. The cloak was already glowing with magical energy. The Web of All Things lit up around it. Serenity felt a small pull on her own magical energy as Granny drew power from her through their joined hand.

Slowly, Granny's energy moved along the lines of the Web towards the cloak.

Once she made contact between her magical energy and the cloak, she said, "Now, Dragon."

A flood of magical energy flowed from Dragon into the cloak. Serenity could feel Granny gathering it and applying it to the Web. Granny looked through the threads of the Web, one by one, until she found the one that made fog difficult to see through. Upon finding it, she took hold of it.

Then, carefully, she started pouring the energy into that thread, until the thread was glowing brightly. Then, finally, with a mental tweak of the strings, she sent all of that energy through that thread and into the cloak.

For a moment, the cloak glowed brightly. Then, it seemed to get duller and darker, until it was back to it's dusty gray. Serenity could feel the magic of the cloak, but this was different from most spells. It was vague and hard to sense.

"Well, I think that did it," Granny interrupted the silence. "Dragon, you have such a large amount of magical energy! No wonder witches with dragon familiars become battle mages. I hardly feel tired at all after that. Without you, Serenity and I would both be out of commission for days from a spell like that."

Dragon looked incredibly pleased with himself. He puffed his chest up and his face settled into an expression that could only be described as smug.

"Don't go getting a big head now," Granny warned. "Serenity, try it on, let's see how it works."

Serenity removed the cloak from the table and put it on. It was incredibly light, lighter than the finest mohair yarns. It wasn't warm like mohair, though. It was distinctly cool. This would be good to use in the coming summer.

"What do you think?" She asked Granny.

"I know you're there already so it won't work as well on me, but it is hard to sense you, even using my magical senses. It's like the Web gets blurry and hard to see around you. I think it turned out perfectly!"

Serenity felt tiredness settle into her bones. "I am feeling that energy depletion now. Let's have a snack."

"I have just the thing! Made some raspberry muffins yesterday. We can have those. I'm feeling a tad tired too. Not bad for an old witch, if I do say so myself."

Serenity removed the cloak and sat back down at the table where candles still burned. "Not bad at all!"

Dragon took an enormous bite out of his muffin and then sighed. It seemed like the tiredness was hitting him as well.

"We all need to go to bed after our snack," Serenity said to her companions.

"And we will, but snacks first."

Serenity let out a sigh. "These muffins are delicious. You'll have to give me the recipe."

"It's an old family secret, but for you dear, I'll write it down."

Serenity smiled. "Thank you."

When everyone had finished their snack, the witches parted ways, Granny to have a cup of tea before crashing in bed, and Serenity excited to be the proud new owner of an almost invisibility cloak.

[homosexualisopod]

idk what else to say in here.

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful

sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a

terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful

prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower

for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek

Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can

do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now

Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew

your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast,

back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted.

Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25

pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small.

You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance.

Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five

shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you

got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh,

go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You

boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I

love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He

can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house

fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way!

Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under

arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I

say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you

talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there

with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There

was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.

Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom

with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey

wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine.

Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't

mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you

definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note!

Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of

my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one

here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have

free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend

would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No!

I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really?

-Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I

like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like

that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like

that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's

amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess,

you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have

in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they

won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can

I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't

how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick

together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A,

what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in

the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I

don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good

night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all

alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well

James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got

you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are

You need to be euthanized I think

[fyodordostoevskeys]

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast, back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted. Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25 pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small. You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance. Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh, go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way! Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note! Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No! I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really? -Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing.

—-🐈 (the parasites got to me)

Why did I read this..

[localskoomaaddict]

um yea anyway

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful

sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a

terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful

prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower

for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek

Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can

do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now

Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew

your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast,

back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted.

Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25

pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small.

You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance.

Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five

shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you

got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh,

go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You

boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I

love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He

can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house

fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way!

Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under

arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I

say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you

talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there

with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There

was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.

Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom

with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey

wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine.

Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't

mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you

definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note!

Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of

my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one

here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have

free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend

would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No!

I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really?

-Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I

like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like

that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like

that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's

amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess,

you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have

in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they

won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can

I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't

how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick

together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A,

what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in

the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I

don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good

night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all

alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well

James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got

you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are

you doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed to

put her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do I

have to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, get

out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not

there! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forced

to come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?

Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me.

-Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get

comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right

now and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right.

That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city

adventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say about

singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk.

Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not

a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Now

tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience has

reached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who's

hiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man.

-Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man.

-The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Well

then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror,

mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not a

king. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you can

become one. All you have to do, is marry a princess. Go on. So, just sit back and relax my lord,

because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. Bachelorette

number one is a mentally abused shading from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and

hottubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters. Please

welcome... Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy.

Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy. Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and find

out what a live wife she is. Come on. Give it up for... Show-white. And last but certainly not least.

Bachelorette number three is a fire-breathing ????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hot

boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes Pina Coladas and getting

cut in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one?

Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -Two... -Three! -Two! One. No, no, no.

Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princess

Fiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone... But I probably should

mention little thing that happens at night... -I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset... Silence! I will make this

princess Fiona my queen. And Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain! Assemble your finest

man. We're going to have a tournament! That's it, that's, right there, that's Duloc. I've told you I'll

find it. So. That must be lord Farquaad's castle. Aha, that's the place. Do you think maybe he's

compensating for something. Hey, hey wait up Shrek! -Hey, you! -No, no! Wait a second. Look, I'm

not gonna eat you. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? Hey look at this. Wow! -Let's

do that again. -No. no. All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom. Sorry about that. That

champion should have the honor, no, no... ...the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princess

Fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first

runner up will take his place. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm

willing to make. Applause. Let the tournament begin. What is that? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's not

very nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogre, will be named

champion. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, come on. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All

right then. Come on. Hey Shrek! Let me, let me! The chair! Give him the chair! Thank you. Thank

you, very much. I'm here until Thursday. Try the wheel! Shall I give the order sir? No. I have a better

idea. People of Duloc. I give you our champion! What? Congratulation, Ogre. You've won the honor

of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp

back! -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. All

right Ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactly

the way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone.

What kind of quest? Ok, let me get this straight! We gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princess

just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you only don't have, 'cause he filled it with

full of freaks on the first place. -Is that about right? -You know what? Maybe there is a good reason,

donkeys shouldn't talk. I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on them?

You know, ??? . Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogre trick. Oh, you know

what. Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate. Got a knife, cut

open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? A, no, not really, no. For

your information, there is a lot more to Ogres than people think. -Example. -Example? OK, A-a-m,

Ogres are like onions. -They stink? -Yes, no. -O, they make you cry. -No. Oh, you leave them out on

the sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres

have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. You

know not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't care

what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have you

ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is

delicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story.

Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. You

know I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making a

mess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got to

warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe me

donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right,

brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And they

don't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, remember

when you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't

have layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I

mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a

rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? For

emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really?

-Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down.

Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now,

please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have time

for this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that!

Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die.

That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway?

Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, but

shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a...,

something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that

breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I

mean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there and

see if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will be

up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read it

in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???.

That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess with

me. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'd

step all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey,

look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hear

this all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile you

got there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girl

dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty

out. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay,

but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smoke

and stuff. Shrek! No, Shrek! Shrek! -Wake up! -What? Are you princess Fiona? I am. Awaiting a

knight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. But wait, sir knight. This be our first

meeting. Should not be wonderful, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, what

are you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet. Out through the window and down

the rope by to your valued steed. You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Uh-um. But we

have to sing through this moment. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti.

Or something. I don't think so. Well, can I at least know a name of my champion? Shrek. So, Shrek.

I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks. -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's

not my job to do this. Now, come on! But this isn't right. ??? That's what all the other knights did.

Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame. That's not the point. Wait. Where are you going? Exit is

over there. Well, I have to save my ass. What kind of knight are you? One of a kind. ...rush into a

physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. That was

the word I was looking for. Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you

doing? Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time. I mean, we really should

get to know each other first, you know what am I saying. As friends, maybe even as ??? Hey don't

do that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. And you're going to tear it off.... Oh, no. No! -It

talks?! -Yeah. It's getting to shut up, that's a trick. Ok, you two. Head for the exit. I'll take care of the

dragon. Ruuuuun! You did it. You rescued me. Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a ... ...a little

unorthodox I admit, but by deed is great and by heart is pure. I'm entirely in your debt. And where

would a brave knight be without his noble steed. I hope you heard that. She called me a noble

steed. She thinks I'm a steed. The battle is won. You may remove your helmet good sir knight. -Aah,

no. -Why not? I have helmet hair. Please. I wouldst look upon the face of my rescuer. Oh, no, you

wouldn't, dust. But, how will you kiss me? What? That wasn't in a job description. -Maybe it's a

perk? -No. It's destiny. You must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and besieged by a

dragon is rescued by a brave knight. And then they share true love's first kiss. With Shrek? You

think, wait... ...you think Shrek is your true love? Well, yes. You think that Shrek is your true love.

What is so funny? Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok? Of course you are. You're my rescuer. Now,

now remove your helmet. Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm

not going to. -Take it off! -No! -Now! -Ok, easy. As you command your highness. You're an Ogre.

Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. Well, yes, actually. Oh no. This is all wrong. You're not

supposed to be an Ogre. Princess, I was sent to rescue you by lord Farquaad, ok? He's the one,

who wants to marry you. Well, then why didn't he come to rescue me? Good question. You should

ask him that, when we get there. But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some Ogre and

his pet. Well so much for noble steed. Look princess. You're not making my job any easier. Well I'm

sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me

properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? -I'm a delivery

boy. -You wouldn't dare. -You coming donkey? -Put me down! Yeah, I'm right behind you. Put me

down or you will suffer the consequences. This is not dignified. Put me down. Ok, here's another

question. Let's say that a woman 'digged' you, but you don't really like her, that way. Now, how you