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rockwgooglyeyes · 1 month ago

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POST ROUND 21 LOG (POV Dian)

Please, just this once, keep singing for a bit longer Even without a melody, even with this loneliness - Please, just a little, keep talking for a little longer Even without words, even if it's just memories

After last time, Dian makes sure to take time to sit down and watch Himei's round. He doesn't really know why Teneb still lets him watch these, when they've obviously effected him so, but he is not one to question her judgement, especially when it works in his favor. He finds himself smiling as he watches Himei, her long hair flowing out behind her as she spits out caustic chords. He's so proud of her, she looks stunning and she gives a different impression than she had in her previous performances, a cold air of superiority and calm. He huffs a laugh to himself at the way she sneers and rolls her eyes as she dances across the stage, but he can see the tears in the corners of her eyes as she belts out the chorus, his stomach twisting. Dian can no longer say that he doesn't understand the naked desperation in her eyes. He, too, has been broken by circumstance, by the clash of tectonic plates against each other, the cause of their pain inevitable but no less painful for it. In every flash of teeth up on stage lies latent threat, when muscles twitch there's no telling whether it tells violence or collapse, every breath has a little bit of a tremble in it, exposing the cracks in the foundation.

Perhaps that's why Dian isn't surprised when Noora throws Himei to the ground and beats her black and blue. He could see the tension in Noora's every tendon, she bit out every word as if it hurt her, acid on her tongue. She fought fiercely but even the audience could see the way her jaw trembled, her ankles buckling underneath her own weight, her eyes flashing whenever the scores pitched in Himei's favor. It's more or less expected that when Himei is declared the winner, Noora goes for the throat, pummeling Himei into the stage floor. He does have to cover his mouth with a hand to keep himself from vomiting when the bullet cuts through Noora's neck, gore exploding all over Himei's bruised face.

It's selfish but he wishes he could talk to Himei. He knows he will have to wait, that the embargo will be over soon and he can finally visit her (and the ghosts of those who didn't make it this far.) All he wants is to pay his respects, kneel at the altar of the Great Anakt and sob out apologies, whisper out prayers of happiness in an afterlife that Nyx always said never existed. Is that so much to ask?

I will, just a little, keep loving you for once Even without you saying anything

Sucking in a shaky breath, Dian turns off the livefeed, the screen going dark.

There are eight of the competitors left alive. Himei is only one of them. She is undoubtedly set to die, soon enough, like the rest. Solei is a fugitive, Aurien, too, something that makes Dian's head hurt when he thinks too much about it. Rose died, the head of a flower chopped off with no remorse. The ghost of Flor still haunts him, glimpsing her in crowds and catching her in the mirror only to blink and she's gone, again. He didn't think it would hit him this hard, to see his classmates' corpses strewn about on the floor. No wonder Teneb came to test him, it only makes sense to think he might lose his nerve.

"Funny how this dressing room has a window," a familiar voice remarks. Dian shakes his head, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the voice. It is just his subconscious taunting him. Nyx isn't really here. Nyx is dead and gone. "Too easy to break into, really."

"Not today, please," Dian says underneath his breath, finally opening his eyes and meeting the gaze of this impostor. The impostor raises an eyebrow in question and Dian nearly smiles at the action that's textbook Nyx. "Look, I can't do this today. You're not real, and I don't have the time." The Nyx lookalike frowns, pursing its lips.

"Mmkay," it acquiesces. "Test me, then. Let me prove to you that I'm real." Dian sighs and beckons the Nyx lookalike forward. If this Nyx is a figment of his imagination, then this will go well. If this is the real Nyx, well, who the fuck knows what will happen. The Nyx lookalike blinks and comes closer.

"C'mere," Dian tucks his finger into Nyx's belt loop, reeling Nyx in. Nyx's face pinks slightly at the intimate proximity and he goes completely still when Dian kisses him. He pushes Dian back, gently, just the palm of his hand against Dian's shoulder.

"I, Di," he stumbles over his words, pale face turned a deep pink. Huh. Real Nyx, then. Only the real Nyx would react like this. "Why was that the test? What if someone had been pretending to be me?!" He demands, voice pitching upwards.

"It wouldn't have been," Dian explains absently, smoothing out Nyx's hair. He feels detached, separated from his body, which is the only reason he's not breaking down right now. Or he could be breaking down, right now. Maybe this is what a breakdown is. "You have a certain way of talking that you only use with Cas and me." Aurien, too, his mind adds, but she's gone.

"Then," Nyx hesitates, looking down at the floor before glancing back up to meet Dian's eyes. "Then, why did you kiss me?" Ah, yes, the most difficult question of all to answer. Dian might as well be honest.

"I kissed you because if you kissed me back, then you wouldn't have been real," he answers, sighing and stepping past Nyx to look out the window. "It's a more efficient test than asking you a question. If you were a figment of my subconscious, you would know everything I do."

"I don't understand." Dian turns around, trying his best to keep his face blank while he replies,

"I'm in love with you." Nyx takes a sharp inhale, his platinum eyes widening as he stares at Dian in shock. Dian swallows down the bile rising in his throat though it does little to actually help and he soldiers on. "I'm in love with you and I have dreams about you, sometimes, and I've been having more of them since you've been gone. Do you understand, now?" Nyx opens his mouth, reaching out with a hand before he stutters in his movement, mouth closing with a click of his teeth. He turns his eyes to the floor and chews on his lip, silent and all too reserved.

That's the breaking point, the straw breaking the camel's back, the final nail shooting out of a dam's exterior and letting the water course through- Dian can't help the tears that stream down his face, ducking past Nyx and darting closer to the doorway. His heart has been ripped out of his chest, he gave it to the person who always had it but never knew and they won't even take it. His head throbs and he wants to hide, curl in on himself in some dark nook or cranny and be forgotten, no one is really around to miss him now, anyways. Not when he just burned his last bridge. Not when Himei and Tov are both set for the noose. He feels a hand tentatively touch his shoulder and he hunches in on himself more, shying away and hugging himself as he tries to stop crying.

"You should leave," Dian rasps, his voice hiccuping on sobs. "They're coming to do my makeup in an hour."

"Do you really want me to leave?" Dian freezes before turning around and he knows his bewilderment has to be plain to see on his face. Nyx is watching him with a forlorn expression, lips twisted into something that looks like a smile but isn't, it drips with regret. "I can leave." Nyx takes a step towards Dian and touches their foreheads, sharing the slightest amount of weight and letting his eyes slip shut.

"Of course, I don't want you to leave," Dian laughs wetly. "But you should." Nyx shrugs.

"I should do a lot of things," he points out, opening his eyes and giving Dian a little half smile. He brushes Dian's bangs out of his face and presses the briefest of kisses to Dian's mouth. Dian stares at Nyx, wide-eyed. "I want to try this, with you," Nyx says.

"You," Dian stammers. "You what?" Nyx huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes.

"I want to try this," Nyx repeats, taking Dian's hand and tangling their fingers together, holding up between them. "Y'know, us."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really," Nyx replies, raising an eyebrow as he smirks ever so slightly. "But you gotta fuckin' talk to me next time, alright? Promise?" Dian stares at their hands, interlocked clumsily but still connected, irrevocably. He pulls their hands closer and kisses Nyx's knuckles.

"Promise."

GOD its finally over I'm so sorry this took so long funnily enough apparently Dian is kind of hard to write I don't write him for a really long time and then suddenly I have to figure out his confession scene to Nyx. . . anyways now to work on the next thing (scampers away) taggin time

@lookatmysillies for Cas & Himei! @kamersona for Noora! @apriciticreveries for Aurien (im getting to your ask im sorry its taking me a bit sweetheart). @solei-eclipse for Solei. @sotogalmo for Flor!! (siblings siblings siblings, i chant in the background). um and right! @ivanttakethis for Tov mentions and because you asked me to tag you in this hehe. lmk if i missed anyone!!

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alairroux · 1 month ago

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This chapter is really dear to my heart, due to the fact that this was the first idea I got. This is the core that created all the chapters that happend, and all of the upcoming ones. So please enjoy it.

Chapter VIII

"The Collapse Within"

“What do you mean she left the house?” He asked, putting his clothes on in a hurry. “She was completely out of it and suddenly she just got up and left?! It makes no sense.”

Just to be sure he grabbed his katana, just one should be enough for now. Whatever was happening to Alice was deeply worrying them both, especially today. She wasn’t responsive to words, to touch, to anything. He even tried the trick that you use on naughty cats, spritzing her with cold water. Nothing worked. She just sat in the armchair, curled up, not speaking, barely even breathing, that’s why he had Logan watch her for the whole day. His enhanced senses were meant to pick up any changes. There was no way to pull her out of it, and they unfortunately didn’t know any telepath either. At least no living one. In the evening she seemed to just fall asleep, her breathing got even and deep enough to not worry them anymore, she also stopped tensing all over her body, so they just decided to go to sleep at least for a while. Logan was still on watch for her, and Wade knew that he won’t rest until both of them will be absolutely sure that she’s alright and in no danger. Now, this. She miraculously woke up and decided to leave the house for some reason. Of course they were both terrified because of that.

“I have no idea, don’t ask me about this, just get ready, we have to get her before something happens to her.”

Sure the streets weren’t yet that busy, but Howlett was right, it could still be dangerous for someone who seems to be completely out of it all. It wasn’t only cars that were a danger, people, animals, even a spiked fence could end up as a tragedy.

“I’m going, I’m going.”

Wade just put whatever he got within a hand reach and ran after Logan, closing the door before the Dogpool could get out too. He loved her, but he couldn’t risk getting her hurt as well in this entire process that might end up being quite messy. After all you never know what might happen when you’re on the run for a telepath that probably went mad.

At the same time Alice was stumbling over the streets, looking around, some voices calling out her name just to turn out being yet another hallucination. What was happening? Why was she in so much pain? Why was reality turning so much? Why was it changing right in front of her eyes? How did the voices get out? The pain of every step was spreading through her whole body, pushing forward, trying to get away, to move further towards the outskirts. Something in her was pushing her to protect those around, all those people around her. Were they even real? Was it all ever real? Sometimes she could almost feel someone tug at her clothes, pull her in different directions, or stop her from falling under a driving car. Who was there? She asked, but did she really? Did she even speak or was it all in her head? She couldn't even decide about it anymore.

She ran by her favorite park but it looked like it was falling apart, replaced by that weird meadow that somehow became her second home and comfort place. But did it really? Or was it just a nightmare that aggravated whatever was happening right now? If it was a nightmare then it was a truly beautiful one, she really cherished it. She stopped in her tracks, in front of some shop, looking at herself in the shop’s window. But was it really her? Whatever was looking back at her, didn’t look like her at all. It was weird, like halfways made out of shadow, with red eyes opening and closing over the whole half of the body, only the two seemingly “real” eyes staring back at her without blinking, open wide. At first they looked like a threat, like they were trying to intimidate her, but the longer she looked, the more pain and fear was seeping into them. Whatever it was, it was suffering. She felt a pang of pity in her heart for it, she was in pain right now as well, she could understand.

Someone ran into her, she blinked and the image was gone. It was just her, staring back at herself, an almost crazed look in her eyes, like she lost her mind and her hope for betterment. It was truly a terrifying sight, she was almost ready to just sit down or go back home, before another sharp pain went through her mind like a bullet. No, she had to keep walking, keep moving away, the time was running out, she had to make it out of town before the time ran out. What time? She coudln;t answer it but whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t a good sign, that there was less and less of it. She pushed herself to move again, to run, run. Running was my last hope. She won’t make it, that’s for sure, now she knew it was too late, but she had to try to minimize the damage. She was back on the run, her head heavy once more, trying to win a run she already lost.

At the same time, Wade and Logan were trying to find her in a town that was now waking up more and more people flooding the streets weren’t help in all of that, as they were washing out any trials she could’ve left behind herself.

“ It’s insanely weak, like she was there hours ago.” Logan said, already feeling weird for trying to follow a scent he was so used to by now.

“It could’ve been a max of ten minutes, hurry up Peanut or we lose her. We already did but you know what I mean.” Wade huffed out, after following Logan for a good while now. They had nothing.

“I’m trying but it’s weirdly mixed, like she’s masking herself from us. I didn’t know she knew how to do that.”

For sure, people were staring at them right now. Two grown men, dressed like the closet just spat them out, one of them with a katana in his hand, trying to not cut someone by accident, and the other one smelling the air every now and then. Either hunters or completely crazy people. But for now, the opinion of other people was the least important to both of them, the priority was to find and save Alice from whatever she was going through.

“I think I’ve got her.” Logan said suddenly.

Alice was just a street further than when she passed the park before her legs gave out. She just fell to her knees, the pain in her mind getting worse and worse, almost paralyzing. Her breathing got heavier, she felt like she was drowning on land, something was for sure filling up her lungs, or maybe it was the feeling that assists you when you’re close to throwing up? Not being able to breath, only gasping for air, your mouth suddenly salivating so much. For her it was dryness, like someone wiped it all dry with a really harsh tissue. She whimpered, holding her head in her hands, leaning down, almost like she was bowing, the cold concrete on her forehead not easing the pain like the cold used to do. It was so loud, so damn loud, she couldn’t even hear herself in all that mess anymore. She took a deep breath, filling the sharp air to fill her lungs, hurting like thousands of knives. Scream. Let them out, make it real, make your pain visible. Scream Alice, scream!

Passed her mind, seconds before she just let it out, shutting her eyes closed. A blood curdling scream piercing the air, so loud people standing closest to her covering their ears, she felt how her throat got almost bloody from screaming like that, but it helped the pain was easing, it was all real, it wasn’t just her pain anymore. But being a telepath of an immense power like her, everything you do has its consequences. The more she screamed, the more the air around was whirling it all different directions, building starting to crumble, people starting to writhe in pain as well, the sky gaining a read tint, everything around her, started to fall into its atomic level, buildings, cars, people, nature, it all bending to carry on her pain.

Logan and Wade ran onto that, seeing her get air in her lungs before the scream. Then, in Logan’s mind flashed a memory that was long buried under years of regrets and failures, peeking through right now, it was Charles’s words, when they had one of their deep talks. "Sometimes the pain in my head is almost too much to bear, I could just scream to let it out... But That's the worst thing you can let a telepath do. To materialize their pain...". He quickly turned, grabbing Wade and pulling him behind the closest building, hoping to minimize the damage they’ll receive as well. Soon enough he could feel like his body was being pulled apart to regenerate barely in time, despite covering his ears, he still heard the scream loud and clear, loud enough to make his ears bleed. He looked towards Wade who crouched down, blood dripping onto his neck, as he shut his eyes and frowned in pain. None of them would’ve ever expected Alice to be able to cause such a destruction.

When she ran out of air, she just coughed, a few drops of blood ending up on the concrete in front of her, a testimony of her hurt throat. She slowly raised her head, eyes still closed, the voices were gone, the pain was no longer there, nothing but a barely lingering memory. She was smiling, feeling relief that was out of this world, she was finally back to normal, to her old self. To being human. That was until she opened her eyes.

Nothing but a field of mass destruction as far as she could reach with her eyes. Crumbled buildings, cars that looked like crushed cans and nothing more, blood stains all around where the people used to stand, trees nothing more but few splinters laying around. Oh no. Oh, no no what had she done?! Her smile immediately fell as she pulled herself up to standing, starting to walk through the ruins, trying to find anyone or anything that didn’t got destroyed in the process. The tears welling up in her eyes.

“No, no, no… Please. I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want to… Please. No.”

She was repeating herself, unable to find or sense any form of life nearby, her body still weak from what she just went through, as she fell back down to her knees. Starting to cry, the pain in her throat only grew as it started to tighten due to held back cries. How could she do all that? Was it all her pain? Was it all just what she carried and suddenly let out? It was impossible.

“I need to fix this… Fix it. I need to fix… It.”

She cried out, her mind getting hazy, but this time no voices were there, just overwhelming tiredness, as she tried to at least create an illusion of this part of town still standing, the distant sirens reaching her ears. They were coming for her.

“Please…”

She whispered, closing her eyes. The most vivid memory she had of this place was from the same year, just a few months back. It was a quiet day, she was out on a walk, alone, as the boys were once again doing some of their hero duties, or maybe at the bar? It wasn’t important right now. She stopped at the red light, someone passed her on the bike, a dog ran by, followed by his owner screaming at it to stop. And suddenly the air around started to fill with the sounds from her memory, the sirens fading away, and the air getting colder, like it wasn’ the end of the summer anymore.

Alice opened her eyes to find herself laying down on the cold pavement, the sky was blue, the town lively around, bees buzzing somewhere close and apple trees in someone's garden just blooming. Spring? But…how? She didn’t have time to think about it, as Wade ran up to her.

“Alice, oh sweet Jesus, are you alright? How are you feeling? You didn’t hurt yourself, right?”

She shook her head a bit, looking at him and then at Logan who joined them. One look was enough for her to know it’s just an act and they probably had as many questions as she did right now.

#cassandra nova #deadpool and wolverine #deadpool #alice #oc #wolverine #cassandra #fanfiction #xmcu #logan howlett #the wolverine #deadpool vs wolverine #new beginning #telepath #past #future #time rewind

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